#i feel like im goiing insane

[avery-lostheart]

i hate to say it but .. ykno..

[pepprs]

hi mutuals not to doxx myself but im in boston literally rn :D 🤯🤯🤯

[telephonemarketer]

Feeling extremely neurotic ngl

[quodekash]

I didnt get enough sleep last night but its not my fault qtoey fuckin kissed

hes literally the most babygirl in this entire show

HIM FRANTICALLY CLEANING UP I LOVE HIM SM

I love this more than I can ever possibly describe

it's so silly

so goofy

HES SO GOOFY

they should kiss again I think

babes your voice just got three octaves higher, do better at lying next time

who the FUCK is this guy and why is he being introduced in episode 7 of 16 (apparently 16??? it's wild that this show is supposed to be 16 episodes long (according to mdl?) cos we're not even halfway through the show and 2 out of 4 of the main couples have officially kissed, and 1 is officially together. which is insane when you think about how msp is 12 episodes long and tinngun didnt properly kiss til thE END OF THE LAST FUCKING EPISODE)

(no im never getting over this, they COULD have counted 67 FUCKING TIMES throughout the show and they fucking DIDNT)

anyway this guy is probably gonna be a main part of the drama that's gonna go down in order to keep this show long enough 😭

why cant we just keep the light and fluffy show as it is and keep spreading joy and dopamine straight to my bones

two adorable little munchkins standing next to each other

theyre my sons

THAT LITTLE GIGGLE I CANT

whAT rEAlLY???

he asked if he could hit on you, then asked if he could KISS you, AND THEN YALL FUCKIN MADE OUT IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

AND THEN WHEN YOU SAW HIM TODAY, HE MADE SILLY KISSY LIPS AT YOU

so I suggest you all give up on this "plan", and change to this real plan: march up to him, ask him out, plant a kiss on his cheek, take your fuckin artist easels and canvases to a fuckin beach at sunset, paint and make out

oml pun's an astrology girlie

HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING

what the fuck no why does it look like its gonna get angsty, I cant do this :(

dont make me watch toey sob, I dont want that, I want them to make out again :((

im so confused dude why is he so angry

I genuinely dont get it

I mean im watching at 2x speed so I can get through this quickly so I might've missed some dialogue somewhere or smth, but still

why's he angry

idk why he's angry but I do know one thing: satang is too fucking good at portraying anguish

im too tired to process words so im not entirely sure what he means but I think it sounds poetic so we're gonna go with that

(ahem) THATS SO BEAUTIFUL WTF

WHAT THE FUCK

brb just gonna rip my fucking SOUL out

"its like im sitting in a vast grassy field with a gentle breeze under a bright sky" OKAY WTF ARE THE GMM WRITERS READING MY TUMBLR POSTS OR SMTH

THATS LITERALLY HOW I DESCRIBED THE WAY WIN PROBABLY FEELS ABOUT SOUND

its why his heart doesnt beat fast for sound, he just doesnt have that kind of crush, its more of a relaxing crush, like a gentle breeze

ill fucking find the post if I can

I literally wrote an extended metaphor poem combined with a fic about it

what the fuck dude

if they're watching my posts then why havent they given us my satang and perth siblings agenda yet

and where is the markford series

gmm I know you're looking at this, answer my fucking questions guys

I LOVE THEIR FRIEND GROUP SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE

they all just make me so happy 😭😭😭

okay but he didnt know you were milk frappe boy when hE FUCKING MADE OUT WITH YOU IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

theyre holdin hansssss

is what I think and want to happen about to happen

that wasnt grammar but its fine

THEYF CYKING END IT THERE??

BUT HES ALL PUCKERED UP

HES READY

ALSO THEYRE IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY AND IT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY

WTF

I HAVE TO WAIT A FUCKING WEEK TO FEEL JOY????

COME ON MAN

oh fuck yes next week theyre goi g to a volunteer camp

volunteer camp episodes are always comfort episodes so thjis is gonna be GOOD

PUN DID IT BC HE WANTS QTOEY TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER??? BRO HE'STHE WINGMAN OF ALL TIME

well anyway I just wanna see qtoey kiss again :(

ill rewatch that one scene in the meantime

buhbye for now my friends, see yous next week

[sierrasbiggestfan]

my thoughts on episodes 2-4 of the td 23 reboot, spoilers ahead (i wrote these while watching the episode btw)

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ep 2

millie is so lesbian coded

caleb is probably going to be the downfall of pryia

are they going to make ripper and axel get together..? 🙁 i hate my life

i feel like chase is going to get eliminated this episode

praying rippers crush on axel is one sided

skunk butt is doing so horrible in this oml

okay wait nvm skunk butt is doing a lil better

ripper covering himself in butter 😭 oml

rippers scenes in this are trumatizjng because what.

team skunk butt is going through it

oh my god the skunk butt comeback is insane

IH MY GOD MILLIE SENDING DAMIEN DOWN FHE 4 POINT SLIDE SOMEONE SAVE HIM

millie is now friendless 😖 someone save our lesbian icon

MK FETTING THE INTERN OUTFIT OOOOOO 😯

mk x julia real

i was right abt chase being out, tbh idk how to feel abt it he was funny but ill survive without him on the show 😭

ep 3

begging for skunk butt to win immunity for this episode

if rat face loses millie is probably out literally everyone is against her

THE FACT EVERYONE GOY SO SHOVKED BY DAMIEN CALLING MILLE A RIPPER ITS SO FUNNY THATS SEEN AS SUCH A HARSH INSULT

i want more rajbow moments 😞

prillie canon 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 the way pryia went with millie to the more dangerous one

BOWIE SAID SUS EW

they better not make ripper and axel canon im going to kill myself oml

wayne and rajs “🥺” faces when they were talking abt how cheating wasnt good was so cute omg

RAJ AND WAYNE ARE SO CRUSHED OVRR CHEATING IN THE CHALLENGE

yay millie got forgiven!!!!!

i love evil lesbians (mk and julia)

JULIA JUST SAID???? MK WAS MAKING??? HER BLUSH??? AM I LVER THINKING THIS??? IM GOING INSANE

zees lil racoon buddy omf

every ripper scene in this season makes me want to kill myself 🙁

FINALLT SKUNK BUTT WINS

millie is probably out

yeah i was right 😭 i speculated she was going to be a early elimination but yknow

ep 4

raj and bowie are so silyl im going to scream

“i know im not mille but im here if you need me” guys prillie canon even if mille isnt here

axel saying ripper is not her type, yay! (her type is women guys)

i like this challenge

RAJ NOO

“its better for us all if my dms stay private” 🤨

emma is making her team flop 😭 if rat face loses emma is doomed

“if mks brain drove a cool car id date it” LESBIAN JULIA IS LESBIAN THYE ARE CANON MK AND JULIA REAL

emmas fingernail biting habit is so silly shes so real

bowie feeling so bad abt cheating bc it upsets raj aw 😢

BOWIE NO

the one time emma doesnt go with her gut she loses 😞 im happt skunk butt won

EMMA NOO

im not surprised she was out but i love her so much i dont wnat jer to go 🙁

rippers poem. oh my god ripper what the scallop 😦

AXEL PLS REJECT HIM PlS

NO THEY KISSED I HATE MY LIFE

WHY ARE THEY CANON NONONONO

[afklancelot]

reading hol (again) and looking back at scp-7100 again makes me realize three things:

1. scp-7100 should have won 7kcon, or at least had a higher rating

2. i really wish scp articles (and tales related to the foundation) leaned more towards the academia/research aspect, at least in like citing works made in the Foundation and examining how an organism works (and not in a mad scientist way, but like a 5031 way).

3. leading off the second point, im pissed that serpent’s hand goi formats are the only ones who utilize footnotes to take jabs at other footnotes, cuz i wanna see more humor in scp articles that isn’t “random funni thing happens to scp researcher and they react funnily”/modern humor (dunno how to explain it beyond gamers against weed shit), but through passive-aggressive remarks with professional language hidden in footnotes or the most ludicrous-sounding work title with no explanation inside a citation

i said hol earlier because i feel that the book did that beautifully, specifically in the Navidson Record. for example, that footnote where Zampanò cites the bible line, and the footnote of Zampanò’s footnote where Johnny corrects it, AND THEN the editors correct Johnny again in a footnote. also that one footnote listing a citation for a title literally just named “Crap”.

like if you’re going to have a research organization documenting anomalies, you might as well commit. cuz lemme tell ya, the academic infighting between researchers working in the same project would be insane.

[v-anrouge]

get well soon aster xx whatever demons you're fighting are nothing compared to your sisyphus boulder sized ballsack 👍 anyways uurrrgrhgh tearing my hair out.... alt!yuu never being satisfied with the layering or the dimensions or the design so they personally recycle through fits with vil as if he were their own doll. and to think they're so bold! so nonchalant about it! manhandling him like this, tearing layers off and fitting on new ones with ardent interest. no one makes a mere doll of the vil schoenheit. should any fashion designer choose to treat him so indelicately, he'd have dropped them like a sack of overgrown potatoes. oh, but this isn't any fashion designer, of course-- his sweet potato we're talking about. so full of passion for fashion (they call me dr seuss xx), hands rough yet demure with tender care, eyes brimming with a veneer of fire that, if they were to come any closer to his face, he'd be sure he could tell if it was for the clothes or the model himself. he must offer credit where credit is due, and such earnest fervor for the art of fashion is lacking these days. admiration for him, certainly not, he knows it is as abundant as it can be mindless-- but with whole hearted genuinity? for when he is at his most beautiful and at his ugliest? when he is bare and when he is decked out? oh, he wouldn't say no to that. he wouldn't say no to being the apple of their eye, their true passion.

everytime their hands brush against his skin in their fiddling with chains and straps and buckles they'd ask him, "does this feel good? feel alright?" and by God. he knows they're talking about the fitting of the article but yes, prefect. it does feel good. their hands come to rest on his waist far longer than they should and, with a smirk of amused smugness, he asks if they ever get this personal with their other muses. they promptly and nonchalantly respond with, "no. no other muse is as radiant as you, as perfect or as striking as you. not worth all the effort, as you are." oh, and how vil thanks the stars he's renowned for his acting skills too, lest his pounding heart lay siege to his composure and call for it to concede to their earnest sentiments, spoken so naturally, as if it were obvious. the fairest of all is certainly the fairest to this one. he'll make sure their eyes stay on him and only him. so don't look away. watch him steal their heart. when he struts down the walkway yuu is there every step on the way, walking in tandem as they take note of how their clothing fares in motion. and eventually they find the clothing is the least interesting thing here. for every pose he strikes at the end, his eyes hone in on theirs without fail, basking in the awe plastered on their face as their hand shakily jots down notes.

urghhhhgh... im SOOOO balls to the walls about them.... i would also yell about rook but unfortunately my capacity to be insane in the membrane is limited.... im currently sewing the neckpiece of the shirt im working on and i think i see god. like ive had a communion with him. but it'll be worth it right. right.

AJO YOUR BRAIN GOD UR SO GOOD AT WRITING PLEASE ITS SO EASY TK IMAGINE THE SCENES U DESCRIBE💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 THE WAY VOL WOULD FUMBLE WHENEVER YUU FLIRTS HE CAN TEY TO KEEP HIMSELF TOGETHER BUT HE AND YUU KNOWS INSIDE HES SQUEALING LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL WHO GOY WINKED AT BY HER CRUSH HE IS SO WEAK WHEN IT COMWS TO YUU HE JUST CANT HELP IT,💔

IM HONESTLY HIGHKEY INTERESTED ON WHAT UR WORKING IN SO IF U WANT TO U CAN SEND ME A PIC THROUGH SUBMISSIONS BECAUSE IM LIKE 99% SURE U CAN SEND ANONYMOUS SUBMISSIONS ANS SEND PICS

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e9 lb

"the wilderness chose" I DONT THINK IT DID BUT OK!!!!

I RECOGNIZE THOSE CHORDS? GUITAR? HELLOOOOOOOO ITS BEEN YEARS

ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ok but like. the wilderness"" might have gotten into them but they CHOSE to do it that way like they CHOSE to let javi drown/freeze to death i think thats more them devolving into "survival on the only way know how to justify it to themselves" mode

also how insane is it that they were all willing to eat natalie 10 minutes ago and theyve all been starving and just like that your team turns on you bec "the wilderness chose' thats nuts

"give it a hunt" is this when my girl lisa dies. i will beat up misty for lisa idc

i dont mean to get personal on main but lottie's desperation...for lack of a better word... reminds me of me when i **** ** **** ***** and at that time i was just. so desperate to believe in [redacted] i was DESPERATE i was so far down i was just clawing at the pit walls like. god.

"make sure none of your people are here for this" NOOOOOO LISA

"we got over it" LIIIIIIIIIIIES

"i didnt want this" "you started this" LETSGOOOOOOO

oh this is so fucked

shauna butchered them... alone... it was her duty.... no wonder shes so fucked up

WALTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

SO GOOD TO SEE HIM

jeff.... the cops.... bleh

NATALIE TRYING TO SAVE LISA BUT WE KNOW HOW THIS GOES

"youre not like them" "im worse" OH NAT NO NO NO NO NO

"im glad im alive" van says to travis whose brother just died because the team is starving and it was supposed to be natalie but misty saved her so javi died in his place and theyre going to eat javi and travis will have to eat his brother to survive. insane people.

"let your brother save you, travis. after everything he went through out here. dont you at least owe him that?" INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE FUCKING THING TO SAY VAN HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT FUCKING CRAZY

walter i likeyou so much please stick around 4 life youre so funny

"youre being awfully judgy about mom considering this all started because of your lame attempt at blackmail" CALLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETS FUCKING GO

i feel so bad for her. her parents suck so fucking bad her mom is fucked up and withheld love from her and doesnt love her like her dead baby brother and her dad is a pathetic dude who is like, trying his best but hes just sO pathetic and not even in a fun way. he has the spirit tho. shes gonna be sSOOOOO fucked up when shes grown up

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WALTER YOU LEGEND

walter and misty match made in heaven TBH

OH GOD

JAVI'S LITERAL HEART? OH GOD

is that... buffy sainte marie singing?

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I CALLED IT KNEW IT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

OH MY GOD? MAYBE CALLIE?

CALLIE OR LISA WHICH IS IT

LET THE COP DIE IN THEIR PLACE DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

jesus christ

they really never left huh

WALTER TALTERSAL YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PSYCHO YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN

walter fucking over this smarmy little shit cop is SOOOOOOOOOOOO fun

oh my god lottie

the wilderness left lottie...?

NATALIE????????

IS NATALIE THE ANTLER QUEEN

OH MY GOD THAT INSANE

I LOVE IT

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is a god to a nonbeliever etc etc oh my GOD NATALIEEEEEE

"you were always its favorite" OH MY GOD???????????/

LISAAAAAAAA MY GIRL LISA LISA LISA LISA

"we tried to kill you and it wouldn't let us"

INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

THE ATHEIST WHO MEETS GOD THE NONBELIEVER THE TRUE RELUCTANT SAINT THE UNWILLING APOSTLE ET CETERA LETS FUCKINGGOOOOOOO?

lottie kissing natalie's hand is insane im goi g insane INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

the girls allow javi to die in nat's place (or the wilderness kill him in nat's place) > shauna offers travis javi's heart to eat as first dibs in honor/waiting for permission > travis eats his brother's heart > natalie is named lottie's successor as the unwilling apostle the reluctant saint the cursed etc etc > travis places her hand on his heart

NAT BEING "CHOSEN" ALL THOSE YEARS AGO

NAT THROWING HERSELF IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO GAVE HER FORGIVENESS TO SAVE LISA

aaaaaand radiohead to send us off eh?

NAT IS DYING OH GOD

nat :(

WHAT DO YOU EAN WE'LL SEE?

CALLIE???????

COACH TRIED TO BURN THEM ALIVE?

OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS DEMISE

[tranquilspot]

John: Open Pesterchum.

I don't have much to say about this page, except that it's well animated, the chat window is minimalist and the app design is realistic and nice.

I used to have Pesterchum installed on my computer, but I got bored.

There was (is?) an option that allowed you to encounter a random user. It was pretty neat but other than that I didn't know anyone so I ended up deleting it. I think they disabled that option too.

John: Open message.

Our first pesterlog, how exciting!

I mean I know by heart its content but regardless it is pretty cool. (sorry, I can't put the text both in indented and chat I had to pick one)

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 -- TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright. ————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I really like how the conversation keeps diverging and converging back together, it's funny ans realistic. Never saw that movie, I saw Beetle Juice though! Why is Dave so obsessed with the idea of having piss in his juice? I guess with the environment he lives in, he's gonna be wary of everything and anything. I think his room is Bro free. "why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like", the same reason I know what cat food tastes like: kid self-experiment. Though it could have been a mean prank or an accident, the piss one I mean. The cat food was on purpose. Tried recess grass too. Pretty meh. "try using your brain numbnuts" *chuckles* kids when they try to insult someone.

"his reaction was nigh instantaneous" acting is hard dude, especially when you're a kid. I can testify, I participated in my bro's short films. No I won't share them, those worms will stay in their can. "fred savage has a really punchable face" I have not enough info to give any opinion on the matter. I usually suck at identifying/knowing actors in my own country, but american ones? Forget about it man. By the way pretty pompous to call yourself "americans" like you owned the whole continent. Do I look like I call myself "european" on a daily basis? Starting now I'll call you "statians" or something like that. No hard feelings~

"but who cares about this lets stop talking about it" Homestuck if its characters stopped rambling.

*roll credits* (You guessed it, I don't recognize any of those names either xD)

"man i got two copies already" Dave is smart so I don't think he's talking about the server and client discs here, but rather his copy and his bro's. "but i dont care im not going to play it or anything" hmmm not sure if he genuinely doesn't care or if he's trying reeeal hard to play it cool and keep down he's looking for a chance to stick his nose in the Sburb session. Kinda hard to know for sure, 50/50.

"game bro is a joke and we both know it." I third that. "why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now" The boy, is on a quest. And ooooh man a long one since he won't acquire the other half of his mail before a long time. So this is my first post with a Pesterlog formating. Lemme know in the notes or via message what you think about it: Do you want me to keep this format, the whole pesterlog + quotes? Or only quotes + the page so you can follow on your own device the conversation in parallel. —>

[nigesakis]

i think i just hit a new low cause i just spend 30 minutes blocking 500 bots from my followers. it doesn not feel like it was that many so either the bot/tumblr count is off or im goiing insane fr

[zerokissingbooth]

every number but with gepard or sam drake or both, up to you

EVERY NUMBER? ARE YOU INSANE???? ok well im not listing out the questions here's the original post

gepard

forehead kisses,,, to me he's like 6'4" and i'm almost a whole foot shorter than him so it's more convenient for forehead kisses!!

hmm... neck kisses...

definitely soft and tender. his desperate kisses are just as gentle.

he likes spooning but i think when it's been a bit or he's having a rough patch he likes resting his head on my chest.. comfort in proximity

hugs from behind esp in the morning... sleepy where he hides his face in my hair as he wakes up

pancake.. likes the size different and he feels more like he has security in the hand hold :)

ideally he'd want to go to fancy places just bc i think that's how he was raised to treat a partner, but he prefers actually cooking instead!! he likes servicing :-)

accidentally keeps the relationship a secret.. he just doesn't want people to bother me !!

back massages. 100%.

he would only say "i love you" in serious moments or before going off to work with the guards... he takes the phrase very seriously (vs me who says it every other 5 sentences)

he either calls me by name or 'dear' / 'love'

just simple hand holding in public :) he probably gets a little flustered if someone makes a joke about PDA

stay at home most of the time... a nice home-made meal and something to watch is probably his ideal but he wouldn't hate a night out

both of these suggestions sound bad to me he could just take me to a cabin up in the mountains and keep me warm during the snowfall

he would have it ingrained in his head it has to be fancy so it probably would be... not loud and flashy but it definitely screams that gepard had a budget to splurge a little LOL

i think gepard would not want kids just bc fear of dying on the field and not coming back home + past trauma from his own parents mistreating him and his siblings creating a fear of 'what if i do that'... but he'd be a great uncle :)

he's demiromantic to me so it'd def be a slowburn on his half... me however i think i would have called him archangel gabriel as a pickup line and then leave out of embarrassment

he tries to maintain space in bed but he cuddles in his sleep LOL... he gives up after 3 weeks of waking up with some of my hair in his mouth

GIFTING FLOWERS 100% they're flowers he did his damnest to raise well and he's so excited about them being well grown for once

he also would value anniversaries a lot... not like huge events but makes a nicer meal than normal and buys nice wine for the night

ok i'm putting sam under the cut so it's not cluttering

sam drake

nose kisses. hes a freak

thigh kisses.. he is a freak and likes seeing me get flustered / stubbornly call him a jackass

heavy and passionate. bro was in jail for 13-15 years, he's gonna do his best to step up his game and i am the poor victim to be tested on

SPOONING!!! spooning!!!

hugs from behind bc he's a horndog but also likes the intimacy :-)

waffle!! he likes squeezing his fingers into my hand and vice versa

take-out dinners but he wouldn't be opposed for a quick run to a hole-in-the-wall

would brag to everyone like a smartass because he somehow still has game even though he was stuck in jail for like a decade

back massages also! type of dude to moan when you get to a knot in his back

says "i love you" pretty often too. since he is technically a criminal he doesn't want to risk missing the chance to say it

lots and llots of petnames... 'sweet heart' and 'pretty boy' are top of the list followed by my name and 'dear'

dude is casual pda core. arm over the shoulder, hand in my back pocket while we walk, maybe arm around my waist and keeping me close

cheap out on the town dates!! throwing rocks at cans and drinking in his shitty car or driving around on his motorbike

his ideal honeymoon is going on another treasure hunt. yes it would be to an island but hes bringing rope climbing gear picks and flashlights we are GOING to find something

definitely casual but intimate. closest friends and family only..

he does NOT want kids bro is emotionally stunted and is happy enough just being cassie's uncle

love at first sight on his side bc he's a sucker for stubborn idiots (me)

he likes both, but enjoys cuddling more. gets lonely and yearning when he has no body to sleep next to yknow

he wouldn't gift either but instead probably more antique vintage items... "hey i got you this rare 15th century snuff box" "where did you steal it from" "well."

yes but he doesn't make a show of it. treats it more like a private day alone with me, probably more into lazing in privacy and really cementing the fact he is in love

[the1975attheirverybest]

🌸 1 im doing okayish, definitely still kinda out of it so ive been reading lots of aftercare focs truing to see if that helps…. i’ll be okay, was just ALOT. the person who i was w/ just kinda left when everything was done and hasnt checked on me so i dont think i’ll be seeing them again.

((also that video of matty putting the underwear in his pocket has me goi g insane rn omfg))

Oh, I’m so sorry, my love. That person sounds like a complete ass. You deserve soooo much better. Don’t let anyone- not even the sun-drop brain talking- make you believe that your needs are a burden to others. It’s basic human decency to make sure your play partner is okay. This is not acceptable.

I hope you feel better soon, and if there’s anything that any of us on here can do to cheer you up/ distract you, let us know 💗

I KNOW MATTY BEING UNAPOLOGETICALLY FILTHY IS TOO MUCH!

[thedevotionaltour]

me: if i keep working and focusing on what i need to do i cant anxiety spiral *is now going to be eaten up by worries as i work and on off remember this for the rest of the week until it happens*

[pepprs]

running on 5hrs of sleep cr*mps so bad im out of my fucking mind and every bone and muscle in my body is screaming for mercy but i live here now and today i got to give hugs to 2 ppl i love and missed so much and i’ll get to give more hugs to more ppl i love and miss so much soon. so nothing else matters actually.

[semitransparentiridecent]

I’m coming home from uni next week. So much has already changed and there is something both exciting and sad about it. On one hand, I get to see some people I missed, enjoy some home cooked food and my dog and my brother. But on the other hand there’s something that tells me that coming back to friends who have changed and myself who is completely different now will be hard. I’d like to see some of the important ones, the people that I still care about and the ones that are still entangled in my life. But there aren’t a lot of them anymore, and the ones I will see won’t be the same people as they were before. My family dynamic will not have changed. Which will be turbulent. But I’m trying not to let it get to me. You know it’s odd, I’ll have no projects to work on, no reason to sit in cafes on my computer to write, or plan. So much won’t be the same. And I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m really hoping that I can stand it.

[lepertamar]

was wondering if you could elaborate on the aspects/implications you were mainly thinking of/focusing on in that Ibn Ezra commentary that you linked? I found the whole thing very delighting but in a way I wasn’t feeling confident on explaining, and someone i excitedly sent it to didn’t get it at all, just ‘so moses was allowed to say the name but not others?’ (a goy yes)

lmao! but yeah! (this is the post for anyone wondering) and this isn’t ‘a jewish interpretation that Is Known’ or whatever, just me. but the parts i was most delighting about were:

the part where ibn ezra says of G-d’s name,  “the meaning of “and this is My name” is the same thing as “this is My memorial””. This is in further context: the name Ehyeh/EHYH has same root as the Tetragrammaton (which is newly introduced in this same scene for the first time in the Torah): that root is “I AM”. But as Ibn Ezra likes emphasizing here as important (is it? eh probably. not conclusive.) Ehyeh is in the first person and the Tetragrammaton is in the 3rd person.

The great complexity and significance of ‘ehyeh asher ‘ehyeh and the reason it’s so analyzed and argued over in judaism is that it’s simple but hard to pin down exactly: it means “I Am That I Am” OR “I Am Who I Am” OR “I Will Be What I Will Be” OR “I create whatever I create” OR “I am the Existing One.” There is time-collapsing and being-collapsing, cause-collapsing and action-collapsing. that/who/I am/will be/I exist/I create/I will exist/I will create/This is My memorial/this is My name.....these are all the exact same Event Or Concept Or Qualia or Statement when it comes to G-d. And this is in context: the Tetragrammaton (I AM but especially implying that it can be/is to be said by another person, aka by someone other than G-d) simultaneously being the Name that is holiest of all and not to be spoken.

The closest idea (in my opinion) is that G-d’s name IS G-d’s being, G-d’s soul: simultaneously: the Tetragrammaton, unlike Ehyeh, is not a first person form of the I AM root. It’s perhaps, the implication of another life naming G-d’s soul into a memorial of existing. A great power.

Then this ties in: Ibn Ezra claims: Moses enunciated the Tetragrammaton (instead of using a different name, instead of pseudopronouncing/mispronouncing the Name as ‘Adonai’), he was ‘holy.‘ Later generations did not say the name, they were less holy. This is Ibn Ezra’s interpretation of exodus combined with an editor’s addition of a superscript combined with a translation from hebrew to english.

This particular chain of assumptions runs to “moses was permitted to say the Name because he was holy, later generations were not permitted because they were not as holy” but.....................we just got through many paragraphs analyzing how G-d’s name is temporally- and causally-collapsed: I am/I will be/I will create are all the same thing and are the same thing as the Tetragrammaton is the same thing as G-d’s name is the same thing as G-d’s memorial.

So in the same way, it may suggest something else, or several something elses that are all true: Moses was holy because he said the Name, OR, Moses was able to say it because he was holy, OR, Moses was allowed to say it without punishment because he was holy, OR, Moses saying the Name was a non-punishment to him because he was holy, OR, Moses saying the Name was holiness in a way later generations never achieved, OR, Moses saying the Name is the same thing as Moses being holy and by extension, Moses naming G-d is indelibly memorializing G-d’s being/continuing to be/creating.

......This ‘is jewish’ because im jewish, and because i’m interpreting it in a jewish way, with my jewish knowledge, but it’s mostly a Me thing. It’s especially a my-insanity thing: my own most persistent mania-psychosis experiences involve the idea of being so omnipotent that my omnipotence cannot control my own self, myself being more omnipotent than myself.

In my own experience, once you start reading the Tanakh with an eye out for scanning G-d’s actions and statements of ‘if you do X, then Y will happen(and/or will happen=I will do Y)’ in this causally-collapsed view, they keep coming and never stop. It’s by no means conclusive even for myself (there’s no such thing as conclusive in the study of our texts!) but the openings are ubiquitous: G-d not picking an action outside of what would otherwise happen as punishment which They could withhold if They wanted to, but G-d telling you what Will Happen because it is a true and Real thing that does/will/must exist, and saying it as I Will Do It because They are the source of all that exists (i.e., is true). Things like ‘if x then y’ are real because they are real, and saying so is the truth: we wail at this because (sane) humans are phenomenally bad at grokking the interwoven tapestry and ecology of present-to-future existing, at interpreting statements of fact or risk/price warnings as promises or warnings or informed consent instead of threats, at interpreting consequences as inherent instead of externally intruded on us, at interpreting truth as temporal-collapse about what what is means about what will be, despite this being G-d’s name and memorial.

But also of course, by the same token (and we are instructed to be like G-d!), this is not a bad or incorrect or mistaken thing for humans to be like either — to wrestle with G-d, lose and yet prevail, prevail and yet not escape the injury-consequence — our wrenched hip socket muscle and limp becomes holy, a memory of G-d, proof we have wrestled and prevailed. G-d’s mercy is also not G-d deciding not to punish when They could, but G-d being argued with (or wrestled with :3c) — by us, by Their people, who are not G-d, but who can know G-d in the third-person — into seeing that sometimes the wailing shriek of misery and outrage and demand to fix things is a real thing that can Be, sometimes seeing how the consequence is a perfectly worth-it price that carries only muscle-straining complication and not always denial is a real thing that can Be. warning is collapsed too.

caps of a part of Ibn Ezra’s commentary under the cut but again, the actual link if you like.