#i feel like i hurt everyone i love too

[arcanegifs]

God, I'm (yet again) exhausted. What a show. I will say, flaws and all, it's still one of the best animated series I've watched. Ever. No, I don't think it deserves the vitriol it's getting on social media.

I have a LOT of emotions right now. I don't think I'm even thinking straight after watching through everything once. It definitely needs to be re-watched multiple times. No, I'm not offering any kind of insights or anything like that. I think I'm just too emotional seeing my favorite show end.

I really wanna thank the writers, directors, artists, animators, producers, and everyone else who worked on this show for this work of art. It was beautiful, and it's why I love making gifs of this show.

And just because this show has ended, doesn't mean I'll stop making things. There's two whole seasons to work with now. I hope I can have enough free time to post regularly. I still need to make some 8k wallpapers and a ton of gifs haha.

I'll take a break and sleep for now. I'll see what I can make when I wake up tomorrow. I have so many things I want to do, but I also feel like crap and I too, have a life LMAO.

Oh, and I'm still looking forward to the next stories that they tell us! Runeterra truly has amazing lore. Excited to see what's next!

Thank you for all the likes, reblogs, and support you guys give to my lil sideblog! I appreciate you guys so much <3

[momomallowart]

He misses his dad.. 🥺

[bunnieswithknives]

Is Wolf and / or Flowers in any kind of relationship? Aside from Flowers being madly in love with reckless fun, that is

No Wolf/Flowers unfortunately, the ship I have in mind is significantly more insane.

[just-null]

Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!

You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!

Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.

This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!

[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]

Sekido

You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him. 

This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?

How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing? 

The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.

They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like. 

Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.

You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them. 

Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?

On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself. 

They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this. 

And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!

The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones. 

He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything. 

The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.

At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead. 

Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.

There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!! 

But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!

Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time. 

Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..

He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason. 

Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.

Karaku

The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!

Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.

Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint! 

Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!

Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know? 

They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.

He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~ 

You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!

Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!

Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.

When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.

You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.

He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it. 

That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~

And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you. 

Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?

There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it. 

The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.

Urogi

If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first. 

You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!

The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun! 

He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..

Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him. 

Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.

There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now.. 

That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones. 

Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way. 

He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.

In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you? 

As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.

Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!! 

You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!

Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt! 

When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!

As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping.. 

His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.

Aizetsu

The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice.. 

But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?

Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?

What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.

Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt. 

When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down. 

Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over. 

This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.

Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.

You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.

He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away. 

Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.

As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did. 

He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.

When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.

Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.

There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.

Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.

Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!

Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.

[kittyandco]

does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

[clowwwnbytes]

slay the princess pristine cut spoilers etc

i was brainstorming with buddies on discord and started thinking about damsel ch3 having the blade with her, already pointed at her heart, then just started thinking about the blade as a tool.

i think about the blade so much. a cold reminder of your mission in this world, something so tiny that represents a huge wall between you, your ability to be willing to understand others, to understand yourself.

if you bring it with you you've chosen to take a defensive stance against something and someone you don't understand, but it's so comforting, it gives you options, it gives you control over any situation given you don't underestimate the person standing in front of you. even when you don't want it, when you think you don't need it, it will come back to you. a nagging feeling. you're given the option to be distrustful even when you don't literally have it in you, it's what you've been taught is safety, it hangs over your head and dangles above your heart at all times.

and in damsel ch3 it goes from a tool given weight by the role you're supposed to play, to the same thing but looming over her this time. the expectations of what you're supposed to want and what's best for the people around you and what keeps you grounded, the narrator sang the same tune before, and he hurt her and he hurt you. he hurt himself and his humanity in the process. and now he's taken the backseat and is forced to see how messed up that is by having the smitten be the one pulling the strings of the construct, someone with a perspective so different, but one that ends up hurting everyone all the same, even if he doesn't intend it to do so.

everyone is forced to look at themselves in the mirror.

carrying that blade is suffocating for anyone.

and now im thinking about mr. "let's throw it out the window" contrarian, the only voice you can bring to her heart along with the hero, someone that refused to engage with the narrative and someone that is well aware that his perspective is annoying and unneeded for its purposes.

and then he meets the whole of her, and she tells him about how his courage is beautiful. he's the part of the long quiet that knowingly or not, is more willing to throw aside any kind of logic in order to understand a situation in a way the rest don't want to, and he's *now* realizing that his existence is an important aspect to have.

[coolcarabiner]

lesbians who are terfs will never make any sense to me crying about the supposed exclusivity of the “female experience” like my brother in christ she experienced an othered, lonely, confusing childhood where she was made to feel inadequate in her gender, sexuality, or both just the same as you and instead of letting this unify you against patriarchy you just enforce it on other people to maintain the sliver of “power” you think you have. how do u not see how dumb this is oh my god

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Wyll breaking up with the player character if Ulder dies so Wyll must become the Duke makes me wanna throw up sobbing because he actually thinks that just because his father's first duty being to Baldur's Gate made him a Bad Father that Wyll himself will inevitably be a Bad Lover because surely no one could match love with duty if his father couldn't, unknowing he has more love in one hand than his father had in his entire body. fuck

[crobones]

look i like Evan/Jammer as much as the next polycule enjoyer, but everyone insisting or joking about Evan and Sam breaking up just so Evan can date Jammer next season "to fit the pattern" or whatever... it doesn't sit well with me

[1-nexomon-a-day]

4/11/24 - Nara

[dazzle02]

Why Do People Never Let Ian's Bipolar Be About IAN?

This does get rambly and ranty and might annoy people. So beware.

Honestly so fed up of looking for good fics about Ian's Bipolar and most of them being about Mickey's feelings on it, and from Mickey's POV, and how hard it is for him to see Ian like that and how stressful it is on him.

Yes, loved ones of people struggling with Mental Illnesses go through a lot and that's important to acknowledge.

But why aren't there more fics about how Ian feels about his Bipolar? How hard it is for him? How he feels when he's manic or depressed? How he feels after an episode? Him having to deal with living his life with Bipolar? How he interacts with the world as someone with Bipolar? Him getting to defend himself if someone is ableist towards him? How he feels about the Psych Ward? How he feels about the way everyone (including Mickey) sometimes speaks about him?

And this is the opposite of that, but I'd also love fics that explore the Gallagher's feelings on it. Especially the younger ones as that was never really explored in the show. How awful Debbie and Carl must've felt in that moment where they go to Mickey's house and see Ian laying in bed unresponsive and realise what's happening. How it must've felt to watch their big brother who was always so reliable and steady be brought down by the same thing as Monica. Liam's feelings on having helped Frank profit off his mania, which wasn't on Liam as he was a child being manipulated by his Father, but surely he would've later realised what was going on and had feelings about it. Debbie's fear at hearing Fiona tell Mickey that he could end up suicidal. But also Fiona and Lip. Having to see their little brother go through this. We got a bit more of that in the show though.

But mostly, like I said, I want more about how IAN feels about everything. One of my favourite moments from the show is him fighting for his EMT job. It's so important. It's him fully accepting that he is Bipolar and that it is a disability and fighting to still get to live a fulfilling life. Realising that being Bipolar isn't the end of his world, that he can still do something with his life. That Monica was right when she said that people like them can be happy, even if her way of getting that wasn't healthy. And the story leading up to that of him realising what being Bipolar means outside of the actual Disorder. What it means for him in the world as a member of society. That first moment of discrimination for being Bipolar. And him at first feeling defeated by it, but then deciding to fight. And I know we all hate Caleb, but he DID help Ian in some ways. He pushed him to fight for his job. Did he say things in the best way? No. But he did clearly believe that Ian really had it in him to be an EMT and saw it as bullshit that being Bipolar could keep him from that. And Ian fought. And he won. He knew his rights. He knew that he was being kept from work due to being Bipolar. And he knew that that was discrimination and not okay and he said it. And he got his job back and gained the respect of his co-workers.

And I wish people would write about that sort of thing more. Instead of having someone be ableist towards him and him just getting sad and Mickey getting protective and defending him then taking him home and comforting him, have Ian stand up for himself like he did in that scene. Yes, sometimes you need someone to stand up for you and then comfort you. It can be nice to have someone who will defend you so you don't have to constantly do it yourself. But it's such a big part of Ian's character that he DOESN'T need Mickey to step in and defend him. He can do it himself. And he will. In fics Mickey gets to stand up to Terry himself and doesn't need Ian to do it for him, why is Ian not allowed the same thing?

Same with when dealing with Frank, or Kash/Ned. Somehow it always ends up feeling like it's more about Mickey than Ian. How he feels about the people who hurt Ian. Him defending him and telling them off. Why can't Ian get to do that more?

Ian is more than capable of defending himself. And more than capable of kicking someone's ass. He has ROTC training. He can fire a gun perfectly. He took Mickey out with one punch to the neck. He was beating the shit outta Terry in 4x11 before someone smashed a chair over his back. Frank said in the Pilot that he could "disembowel an enemy with a roll of dimes and an old gym sock." He said in S1 that he broke a guys leg in Karate so bad it took three pins to put it back together. He can fight, and he can HURT people. Just because he usually prefers not to doesn't mean he can't or won't. Because he has shown that he can and will. He's not some Damsel in Distress who needs Mickey to come and save him all the time. This is why I kinda hate the scenes of Carl and Kelly teaching Ian to fight before he's going to Prison. As if he's not the one who Carl was asking to teach him new knife grips in S3, as if he doesn't have all that ROTC training, as if he's never fought in his life and doesn't know even the basics. It should've been more framed as them helping him touch up on the stuff he already knows, that he was doing long before they were. Stuff that it honestly sounds like he might've been teaching Carl when he was younger. Just having him say to them "Hey, I haven't done this stuff properly in years and just wanna make sure I can still do it. Wanna help?" Instead of framing it like he'd never done this before and they just knew so much more than he did.

And why can't he process these things with one of his siblings sometimes? And this is just my love for platonic relationships coming out. But I wish there were more fics about Ian and his siblings. Especially Debbie and Carl. I've read a few that focus on him and Lip or Fiona, and Liam too. But there's just something so special about his relationships with Debbie and Carl and the fics are sorely lacking. (But even the Fiona, Lip and Liam ones tend to be more focused on Gallavich. I LOVE Gallavich, but I need more fics where Ian gets to exist within his family without Mickey...)

Honestly I just need more fics where Ian gets to exist as his own person and not just as Mickey's husband.

That's what this post is about really. I am really focused on this right now. The fandoms treatment of Ian makes me sick. (Along with some other characters...)

I also would love for more of him with Kev and/or Veronica. I feel like that was underutilised in the show. He got a few scenes with Kev over the seasons, and a couple with V too. But others got full stories focused around their friendships with them, but Ian didn't. (Just as he was the only one who never had a meaningful story with Frank, which I kinda like as a plot point, but would like more if they actually MADE IT a plot point instead of it just being that they very rarely interact, when they do it's negative and Ian never really has any feelings about that...) There could've been a really interesting story arc when Svetlana was starting her relationship with them and they were becoming parents to Yevgeny. Ian seeing this and feeling happy that Svetlana is happy, and that Yevgeny has such good parents in his life, but also feeling some sadness due to losing that relationship due to his mania. Feeling that grief of the family dynamic that they'd built between S4&5, and at having to see these people he loves be parents to the kid he loved as his own while he couldn't because his mania ruined that for him. Maybe even eventually having Svetlana give him another chance. Have it be emotional, but then have a kinda comedic story of Ian, Kev and V realising that they have become coparents and then a sweet story of them figuring that extra dynamic out. This would be good for multiple reasons.

But back to what started this post, sorry for the rambles. I am fed up of IAN'S Bipolar being made about Mickey.

Not even just in fics.

The amount of posts or comments on things that I'll see that are all "Poor Mickey" "Mickey is struggling with this so much" "This is so hard for Mickey" "Mickey hates seeing Ian like this" "This must be so scary for Mickey" etc pisses me off. What about Ian? You know, the one who actually HAS Bipolar? The one who while manic enlisted in the Army under his brothers identity, then proceeded to try to steal a helicopter and surface to air missiles (that one is never talked about... by anyone. Not even in the show. When the MPs find Lip they list that as one of the things he tried to steal and everyone just brushes past it. WTF did he want them for?!) and then went AWOL. Then stayed with his ex (one of the men who groomed him as a teen), ended up kicked out, then lived in a crack house with his mother who is also Bipolar, ended up working in a strip club and selling himself and doing drugs and starving himself, then his mother left him there, eventually ended up back home, then had a depressive episode (I always wonder if that was his first or if he'd had one before anyone found him but just didn't know what it was and couldn't process it as he was unmedicated. Part of me wonders if he had his first while staying in that crack house with Monica and if maybe that was when she left... I feel like it could make sense...) had his entire family trying to get him to see a doctor because they're convinced (rightly so) that he has the same thing that they seem to hate Monica for (they hate her for leaving and the things she did to hurt them, but it often gets so twisted that it comes off as hating her for being Bipolar in the first place...) except Mickey who is adamant he's fine and is protecting him from having to talk to a doctor and defending him to his siblings until suddenly he's not after Ian MADE A PORNO that is out there forever and he has to live with that forever, so he ran off with the baby he loves as his own, sells himself again to get money to buy stuff for Yev, ends up convinced that the Police who are trying to "take his baby" were sent by JESUS (which is absolutely heartbreaking and I wish they'd gone into that a little more because Ian had a lot of religious trauma when it came to his Bipolar, and I know that religious delusions are pretty common in Bipolar and Schizophrenia, but I always wonder if that was also in part due to him being gay and literally earlier in the season having to deal with religious homophobes...) then thought he was being chased by Demons sent by an Angel, then he ended up sedated and arrested (the arresting officer seemed kind and understanding, which was such a relief...) and then he was in the Psych Ward and he did not like it and it was clearly traumatising for him and his meds were just making him totally numb. Then he was out of there, with a diagnosis he didn't believe but everyone else did, and meds he had to take but didn't want to because they made him feel like LIFE WASN'T WORTH LIVING (also, wish people would explore how Debs must've felt hearing him say that...) so he flushed them and then had his sister using the same tactics on him that they used to use on Monica and that must've just felt so shitty. But also, Mickey wasn't there. The first thing Carl said to him was "What does it feel like to be crazy?" And I don't hold it against Carl, he was a scared kid with no reference for how to be more sensitive about that stuff, but man that must've hurt. (Also, I think about the look on Ian's face when Carl says it could be him next so much! He looked so upset! He would never want that for his little brother!) Then Mickey's back, yay! But then he's waking up absolutely terrified because he's convinced there are MPs trying to get in the house to take him away, and he almost hits Debbie with a bat. Then he's getting told that he's likely going to have to be on these meds that he HATES for FORTY YEARS! Possibly longer. Basically this is something he has to deal with his whole life.

Then he's having to deal with adjusting to the meds, and everyone fussing over him like he's a child and just everyone treating him differently. He puts his hand on a hot stove just to feel something. And he opens up to Sammi about the Army. Also, first time he refers to himself as mentally ill. First time he really acknowledges that. And he manages to open up to Mickey about how the meds make him feel, about how he needs Mickey to be his boyfriend and his partner instead of just his caretaker. And it seems that Mickey is understanding that. He stops protesting at Ian having a beer, they go home happy and plan a proper date. Then fucking Sammi reveals she's called the MPs and they're there to arrest him. Literally the episode before this his first scene was him being absolutely terrified due to believing they were there trying to get him, and now they really are. And he is dragged out of there screaming. He's feeling betrayed because he opened up to Sammi and she threw it back in his face. And he's terrified. Then he has to hear his siblings talk about him like he's not there, talk about how bad his Bipolar is, talk about how he's been acting crazy, how their mother with the same thing made their lives hell, how he sometimes can't take care of himself, list all the things he did while manic. And they're doing it to help him. They love him and want him home and safe, but hearing them say all that would hurt! And then his Mum is there, telling him all this stuff about everyone wanting to fix them and how he'll never be able to make them happy because of that. And how is he supposed to not believe that when he's just had to listen to his siblings say all that? When he's just been dealing with everyone treating him like their patient instead of brother and boyfriend. When he already feels he's just been hurting everyone he loves. So when he's released he goes with her because she gets it, and they can just be fucked up together where they can't hurt anyone and everyone will be better off without him. But then while he's with her she talks about bad things that happened when he was a kid like they're fun and good memories, and she's dating a drug dealer who cooks meth and is just awful, and she tells him they CAN be happy. And he goes home. But he's feeling terrible about himself still, he still feels like he's just a burden on everyone, especially Mickey. So he breaks up with him because the thought of keeping him tied to him like that destroys him. Oh, and you know, that scene at the bridge where he was very clearly thinking of jumping because he was so depressed and felt his life was over... Ya know, that little scene.

Why is it never about all that? Why is it almost always "Poor Mickey having to see him like this" and "Mickey is such a great boyfriend for dealing with this!" And like, yes, it obviously sucks for Mickey having to see the man he loves like that. And yes, certain things that happened during that time hurt Mickey. And yes, he's a good boyfriend who tries his best to take care of Ian. But WHY is that so much more important to people than the person who's brain has turned against him and blown up his entire life?

I know why. Ableism. Plain and simple.

And the show could be guilty of this at times too. So much of the story of him first showing symptoms and then his diagnosis were from other character's POV. Especially Mickey's. We get a bit of a shift in 5x06 when he takes Yevgeny, and then him in the Psych Ward. But then it kinda shifts back to other characters again. A moment I think about a lot is when Ian and Mickey go to the clinic to get Ian's meds after the incident with the bat. It's a good scene, and I would say it's more Ian's POV. But I kinda wish the scene had ended on a shot of Ian instead of Mickey. Don't get me wrong, showing both reactions to the doctor saying Ian would be on the meds for at least 30-40 years was important, but I kinda wish that it had gone from Ian to Mickey and back to Ian again. I just think it's kind of important how a scene closes and who that last shot is of. And in that moment, it should've been Ian because this was about HIM. And by ending it on Mickey, it feels kind of more focused on Mickey than Ian. And I hate that. In that moment, Ian should've been the focus. Just as there are moments that Mickey should be the focus. (Like there should've been scenes from Mickey's POV about 3x06 and the aftermath...)

I'm just fed up. I want more fics about Ian as a person outside his relationship with Mickey. I want more people talking about Ian outside his relationship with Mickey. More people acknowledging Ian's relationships with his family and friends.

I love Mickey. I love Gallavich. I love reading fics about them. And I DO enjoy fics where Mickey is taking care of Ian. But when that's basically all I can find it gets boring and exhausting.

I want more fics from Ian's POV about his own Disorder and traumas. I want more fics about Ian's relationships with his siblings. I want more fics of Ian with characters other than Mickey. Like, let him and Tami bond over their experiences being groomed and learn to truly process that with someone who understands. Let him have days out with just Franny. Let him bond with Veronica over their medical knowledge. Spend time with Kev. Let him have feelings over when Carl was trying to get into Westpoint. WHY wasn't there a scene between them about when Carl was rejected from Westpoint where he goes to talk to Ian because he knows he understands?! Why was there basically NOTHING between them when Carl started Military School and was wanting to go to Westpoint? I loved the scenes of them running together and I loved the scene where Carl told Ian he was considering not going to Military School because Dom wanted to get back together and Ian told him not to. But where were the scenes acknowledging that this was Ian's dream that got ripped away from him by his Bipolar? Where was the scene of Ian telling Carl he's proud of him? Of Carl going to him for advice? Why did they have to make Ian dismiss Debbie's sexuality? Why couldn't they have them bond? Or at least if they wanted to keep that first scene of her coming out to him and him saying she's not, have a scene later in the episode where he apologises to her and explains that he's just scared for her because he doesn't want her to have to go through the stuff he's had to or that the people he was helping during the Gay Jesus arc were going through and that because that was still SO fresh and literally at the front of his mind that fear took over and he just didn't want that for Debbie. That could've been interesting. Instead they just decided that the one person in the family who should've been the most understanding and helpful to her when she was questioning her sexuality is actually just going to totally invalidate it and never provide a reason. Because the fear of someone you love going through the same thing you've had to your whole life is going to make you act irrationally and maybe do or say things you shouldn't, and that could've been really interesting. Instead it just wasn't. Instead it was just everyone telling Debbie she wasn't gay and then suddenly that just stops and it's never mentioned again that anyone was saying that. Let it be an ACTUAL story with genuine feelings between two queer siblings who love each other instead of whatever that was meant to be.

[imthursdaysyme]

Eddie my tall string bean

[edwinisms]

see I need ghost clothes to have properties more or less like regular clothes because wearing someone else’s jacket or shirt is one of the most important expressions of affection in existence and yes basically what I’m saying is i wanna see charles give edwin his jacket for one reason or another and see edwin get all flustered and giddy about it

[screechingfromthevoid]

the thing is that Dorian told Orym that he didn't have to save everyone. But it was too little too late, now wasn't it? (I'm not blaming Dorian for that. I'm just saying)

By the time Dorian tells him that he has already sold his future. He's already thought extensively how to kill his entire family if he has to. He's tied in so many knots.

Then he keeps getting hit by these freak outs. Chetney gave him a scar across his face. Letters went after him first. Laudna attacked him then proceeded to gaslight the absolute shit out of him for defending himself.

He sold away his future for these people and they couldn't be bothered to ask him about the deal he made with Nana Morri. Ashton stood between Laudna and Orym. Defending Laudna. And no one stood beside Orym. No one got in between them in defense of Orym.

They hovered. Dorian said Orym should keep the sword. Chetney told Laudna that Orym lost more than the rest. But when Orym started back tracking. When he started to second guess himself. NO ONE fought for what he wanted. NO ONE told him it was okay to want to keep the sword and that he should if it was important to him.

Orym is constantly bending. He is constantly being the bigger person. He has forgiven so much and the poor thing is falling apart at the seams about it. It just isn't fair. He is getting the brunt of the damage because he's a tiny tank. He's constantly goading enemies to attack him and not anyone else.

And idk whens the last time he breathed. The last time he relaxed. When's the last time he felt truly safe with the people around him? Because he was sleeping in an inn surrounded by the people closest to him and he felt his life force being sucked away from him

IDK I just think orym deserves a nap and another spa day. I JUST THINK ORYM DESERVES EVERYONE GATHERING AROUND AND SAYING EXACTLY WHAT THEY LOVE ABOUT HIM AND HOW HE MEANS SO MUCH TO THEM AND THE GROUP

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

It's hard being someone who does genuinely get infuriated with Ford's actions and acknowledges a lot of his flaws and the people he hurt, while also liking (and relating) to his character enough that I would like him to have nice things sometimes and don't believe he's satan

[patheticpeoplesupreme]

It’d be so incredibly funny if Rory the Roman (Power of Three Rory) got sent back to the past into Vampires of Venice Rory (his body) and both Past Doctor and Past Amy realise how different he is.

Rory the Roman didn’t realise it back then, but the 2 thousand years really did change him. He’s also more nonchalant about dying (which scares Amy)( and the Doctor a little bit because of Past Rory’s whole “You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you’re around.” quote

Rory has become more fearless, more of a warrior

Yet still kind, still himself

Even as Rory tries not to reveal himself as Future Rory, him understanding the timelines and fixed points so well makes the Doctor suspicious, doesn’t know what to do with him.

Also… Rory the Roman has so much trust in Past Doctor. While Vampires of Venice has none. It reminds Past Doctor of River

Also, Rory the Roman is less jealous than Past Rory

Here are some little snippets that could happen lmao

—

Past Amy POV:

“How do you know how to fight so well?” Amy questioned, trying not to stare at Rory’s…. eyes.

They were piercing, focused yet blank. Her Rory never used to look like that. It makes her nervous and thinks about what the Doctor said. An Imposter. If… If that Rory is an Imposter, then.. where is her real boyfriend?

Despite the differences, she could—she could still see her Rory in him.

“Hm?” He didn’t spare a glance at her, thankfully, he raised the broom in his hand mechanically, more like a soldier than a nurse. “Practiced.”

When? She stopped herself from asking. Instead, they ran to the next room, hiding from the fish alien things that were chasing them all

—

“So… She kissed me.” The Doctor mentioned out of the blue as they walked, repeating what he’d said before, trying to see if Rory was an imposter or not.

Rory made a face at that, grimacing, though he took a long pause before speaking, “So.” What did he say in the past again? “You kissed her back.”

This was a really strange situation to be in, and they had rebooted the universe before! Oh, it was incredibly hard not to think of this Doctor as family, but he knew he had to act less friendly towards him. It made him feel… bad.

Not too bad of course, but, he could empathise with his daughter like this.

oh bloody hell he couldn’t mention river during this whole thing can he?? He’s not supposed to know her!

The Doctor’s brow furrowed slightly but they continued forward.

oh how does River do this…. Trying to talk to younger The Doctor at Lake Silencio was hard enough, and now, the Doctor doesn’t even think of him as his father-in-law friend

He really needed to find a way to contact someone from his future.

OR PO3 Amy fully realising how selfish she was in VOV and noticing VOV Rory’s insecurities much more easily when she’s not burying herself in her own trauma, and she tries very hard to make it up to him, all while trying not to let the timelines fall apart

Just like Rory the Roman, she fails spectacularly hard

Although it was more because, VOV Rory’s unused to the sudden affection PO3 Amy is giving him