#i feel like i did this one like four years ago or so but i barely remember. i still enjoyed it tho

[zigdirty]

By the time I got off work this year, I’d already seen that the election had been called. I already knew the results.

Normally I have the tradition of watching this spectacular film every Guy Fawkes Day, November 5th, so I can enjoy it all over again, but also do I am always aware of how easily fascism can take over.

The irony of this Election Day being on Guy Fawkes Day, and the stakes of said election, were not lost on me. Not in the slightest.

But having been unable to watch it before I went to work Tuesday, I planned to at least start it before the end of the day. That is, until I saw the news.

All I could hear in my head was the speech broadcast across the emergency channel:

Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of everyday routine, the security of the familiar, the tranquillity of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby those important events of the past, usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the fifth, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well, certainly, there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. They were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic, you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night, I sought to end that silence. Last night, I destroyed the Old Bailey to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago, a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words; they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest that you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me, one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

This has played on repeat in my mind since I learned of the election results, searing itself into my psyche.

We are now at that place. We are now the people to whom V was speaking in the movie.

I cannot bring myself to rewatch this marvel of live-action film. I do not believe it would bring me joy any longer.

We have no one else to blame but ourselves.

And we have a long road ahead of us out of hell.

V for Vendetta (2005)

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part two (chapters 4-6) previous part • next part

word count: 6.5k

content warnings: references to self-h*rm

Lily

Waking up with a hangover was humbling to say the least. My head pounded as I battled with myself to slowly open eyes, the sunlight streaming into my bedroom making me want to immediately close them again.

I needed coffee.

And after last night, I know my roommates did too.

I pulled on the closest clothes I could find. Some striped shorts and my favourite, over worn, UMass soccer hoodie before brushing my teeth hoping the taste of vokda would leave my mouth.

Walking to the coffee shop gave me the fresh air I desperately needed. There are few things that make me feel slightly humane again after a night of drinking: coffee, of course, a burning hot shower and fresh air. Coffee was next on the list and then I was going back to my apartment to shower away the remnants of my first night out here at UConn.

I cast my mind back to our evening at Huskies and the harmless flirting between me and Paige. She had a way with words that made my stomach flip and I wasn't mad about it. Kelsey said there were no rules about having fun when it came to our Single Sisters pact and that's exactly what I was doing, having fun. It felt refreshing to finally be feeling like myself again, sometimes it's hard to remember what I was like before everything happened. Before I loved and lost. But it's coming back to me naturally and the Lily I was two years ago would of had a field day flirting with Paige and that is what I intend to do.

I ordered Kelsey and I the same coffees we got yesterday and opted for simple americanos for Hannah and Madison, not knowing their personal orders just yet. The smell inside of the coffee shop alone was enough to bring me back to life an extra 10% so I couldn't wait to devour my drink. Once I had paid for and received my order, I took a big gulp, thanking myself for the early morning coffee run whilst my roommates slept in.

"Great minds think alike." I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice. A very tired looking Azzi, Ice and to my pleasure Paige walked into the cafè.

"Hey guys." I say, instinctively fixing my hair which, without looking at it, I knew was a mess. "Hungover?" I ask looking at the basketball players all dressed in some variation of Huskies gear. "Deathly." Ice replied strolling to the counter to get her caffeine fix. "Signs of a great night! Did you have fun?" Azzi asks me. "Yeah, for sure! Thanks for letting us hang." I smile at Azzi and she returns the pleasantry showing off her perfect teeth, "No worries, it was fun having y'all with us. We'll have to do it again sometime, build your Huskies tolerance." She laughs following behind Ice and getting in line to order.

Paige and I come face to face for the first time since last night and I can confidently say, it wasn't the alcohol or moody low lighting of the bar that made her look so good because she looks equally as good right now.

100% sober and in broad daylight.

"What is that?" She says scrunching her brows together pointing in my direction. I glance at the four coffees pushed into the holder in my left hand, "Coffee run. I was the first one awake, thought I'd get my good deed in early." I explain. "No, that." She says reaching out and tugging at the shoulder of my UMass soccer hoodie. "A hoodie?" I say confused. "Yeah, a hoodie from the wrong college darling. You need a Huskies one." She says matter of factly and I laugh. "The Huskies need to prove themselves to me first." I say cheekily. "Easily done." She quips back glowing with confidence...or cockiness, I couldn't decide but either way it was attractive.

"Here." Azzi hands Paige a to-go cup similar to the ones in my hand and Paige thanks her. "Walk back with us?" Azzi asks me and I nod, "Sure." Ice and Azzi lead while Paige and I follow them out of the cafè.

"Fan of nuts?" I direct at Paige as I glance down at her drink, 'Hazelnut' written on the lid. "Only the food kind." She smirks clearly remembering Kelseys joke from last night like I had hoped.

Being a girl who likes girls, it can be hard to navigate friendships and relationships. Not knowing if someone likes you or likes you can be confusing. Clarification from Paige, that she is in fact, for the girls put my questioning mind at ease.

"Ok, this is me." I say to the group as we reach my apartment building. The girls come to stop and we awkwardly hug each other over the numerous cups of coffee on our hands. "Happy hanging." Ice says as I wave the girls goodbye and walk into the building to supply my friends with the coffee I know they so desperately need.

"You're a literal angel!" Madison beams taking a sip of her coffee throwing her head back, eyes closed in exaggerated happiness. "A lifesaver!" Hannah agrees hugging the coffee to her chest. "My hero." Kelsey chimes in hugging me from behind, her head resting on my shoulder. I laugh at the girls around me and we all sit together on the couch ready to debrief our night. Real girlhood.

"I'm never doing that many shots again." Madison groans rubbing her temple. "Girl, you literally challenged a guy to see who could have the most and you did not back down." Kelsey laughed. "And I won." Madison says bowing to an imaginary crowd. "My best friends no quitter." Hannah hyped up her friend.

"Right, lets get juicy! Did anyone see someone they liked? Kels, don't think we didn't see you lip locking in the corner." Madison teases. "Actually, I didn't!" I say suddenly sitting up straight. "No, because you were with Paige most of the night. Don't think we didn't see that either." All three girls stared at me, brows raised, small smiles on their faces.

"No no, Kelsey first." I say diverting the attention back to Kelseys situation. "Listen, I saw a hot guy and took my chance, you can't blame a girl." She says shrugging her shoulders. "He's never hearing from me though, gave him a fake number." She grins happy with herself.

Three sets of eyes landed on me so I had no choice but to spill the beans.

"There was no lip locking, lets get that clear." I started with. "Just some harmless flirting, nothing serious." I tell the girls. "But Paige Bueckers, you know her lore right?" Hannah asks eyebrows raised. "Not exactly." I admit.

"She's the best college womens basketball player right now. She has thousands of boys and girls pining over her. She's wanted Lils and from what I could see she couldn't take her eyes off you the entire night." I roll my eyes, "Please, she was just messing. Clearly thats her personality." I defend the blonde. "Clearly not. I've been around Paige in bars enough times to know she doesn't pay anyone attention. She stays with her friends almost always." Madison chimed in. "And that's exactly what we are: friends!" I say exaggerating the last word to get my point across.

"Uh huh. I give it a few weeks max and there will be lip locking!" Kelsey nudges her elbow into my side. "Actually I'm taking my single junior year pledge very seriously, I will not be strayed." I stand my ground. "Who said anything about not being single. Word on the street is Paige doesn't do commitment but she does do - if you know what I mean." Madison says cheekily. "Oh my god! Enough." I stand up from the couch, covering my ears, slightly flustered at the thought.

Flirting is one thing anything further feels too soon. I'm notorious for catching feelings and I'm not about to get my heartbroken again.

The rest of the day was spent lazing around the apartment, going from each other rooms talking about anything and everything. At one point I was alone in my room aimlessly scrolling on my phone. I opened up Instagram and searched Paiges name without even thinking about it.

One million followers. Wow. Ok, maybe I didn't know much about Paige at all. I scrolled through her posts seeing endless streams of comments of adoration. People loved Paige. I went as far back as her ACL injury and my stomach sank a little for the girl. That must have been a hard thing to go through. I swipe off before I accidentally like something from two years ago, not that she'd notice. I choose not to follow her for the same reason but do find Kayla in her following list and follow her. Almost instantly she follows back.

"I'm about to cook some pasta, want some?" Kelsey asks, peeking her head round my bedroom door. Now that she's mentioned it, I am kind of hungry. "Sure, I'll come help." I say and stand up from my bed leaving my phone behind.

Kelsey puts some pasta noodles to boil on the stove while I cut some chicken to cook along side it. The small kitchen quickly becomes warm, too warm for me to be wearing a sweater. I do have a t-shirt on underneath, that's not the problem.

My scars are.

Kelsey has been nothing but understanding and loving in the few days I've got to know her but this is a big step for me. People don't always know how to react and I'd hate to make her uncomfortable.

"I'm sweating." Kelsey says as if reading my mind, pulling her own sweater over her head and throwing over onto the couch.

Fresh start, Lily. I remind myself.

Three, two, one. I count down in my head before mirroring my roommates actions, my own hoodie landing beside hers on the couch.

I feel vulnerable and slightly exposed but theres no way I would be able to hide this forever. I live with these girls and sooner or later, they were bound to see this part of me.

If Kelsey notices the deep scars along side the inside of my arm, she doesn't mention anything. We continue to cook our dinner and eat together at the table before washing our dishes.

"Look at us being housewives." She jokes as we finish tidying the kitchen. "Aren't we just perfect." I say back before flopping down on the couch still feeling the effects of last night. "The most perfect perfectly perfect pair." Kelsey says flopping down next to me linking her arm through mine.

She doesn't look at me when she says this and I understand why, "I'm here for you Lily. I don't know what exactly you've been through and I'll never push you to speak about it but I'm here when and if you're ever ready to talk." She says and squeezes my arm thats interlocked with hers before resting her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, Kels." I reply tears brimming my eyes. The reassurance and empathy from my roommate makes my heart swell, I'm so grateful for Kelsey.

I grab the TV remote and turn on Netflix and we settle down for an impromptu movie marathon. It was Friday and classes didn't start until Monday so the fact we we're still awake at 3AM watching our third movie of the night didn't matter.

I drag my defeated body to bed around 4AM desperate for sleep. I check my phone after leaving it for hours.

ice.bradyy followed you.

nika.muhl followed you.

azzi35 followed you.

janaelalfy8 followed you.

aaliyahedwards_24 followed you.

aubrey.griffin44 followed you.

kamoreaarnold followed you.

and last but not least,

paigebueckers followed you.

I cringe to myself at the thought of Paige scrolling through my feed the way I did hers. I quickly scan through my posts to see what Paige would have seen if she had and silently thank myself for the recent - and not to blow my own trumpet - hot selfie. Paige was quickly infiltrating my mind and I could only hope I was infiltrating hers.

I followed all of the girls back before falling into bed.

Paige

KK, Nika, Azzi, Kayla and I were spread out on the couches of our dorm all individually engrossed in our phones. We had been like this for most of the day, taking advantage of a rare down day before the basketball season and classes began again.

I didn't drink too much last night so I wasn't feeling the effects of the alcohol like some of the other girls were. Ice hadn't left her bedroom since we got back from getting coffee.

"Oh, Lily just followed me on Instagram." Kayla speaks up from her seat across from me. My attention was caught at the mention of the brunette that was living rent free in my mind at the moment.

"Whats her handle?" Nika asks, "I have some pictures from last night to send her." "Me too." Azzi adds.

"Lily.Kent." Kayla says turning her phone around to the group displaying Lilys feed.

I couldn't see too clearly from my position so I pulled up her page on my phone.

Damn.

"She's hot!" KK exclaims as if she had taken the words straight from my brain. I shoot her a glare, "She wants to stay single this year." I say to the girl. "And you know this, how?" Azzi asks quizzically. "She told me yesterday." I shrug.

"Wow, you already slid in? That's a new Paige record." Nika proclaimed. "And she rejected you?!" KK asks shocked but also slightly amused.

"She did not reject me." I make clear, "and I didn't slide in to anything. We were just talking and she mentioned wanting to stay single this year."

"And let me guess," Azzi starts, "you're taking that as a challenge."

"Damn right." I declared as I pushed the follow button on Lilys profile.

I'll be damned if I let anyone else be the reason she takes that bracelet off.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Monday morning came around quicker than I expected and as I was sat with my roommates drinking our morning coffees before our classes started.

My phones ringtone rang out across the living room and I picked it up from its place face down on the couch.

Kayla was facetiming me.

It was 9AM on Monday morning so either Kayla was a morning person or she had something important to say.

"Hey K!" I smiled down at my phone and a very happy looking Kayla smiled back at me. "Morning Lily! Check your emails!" She blurted unable to stop grinning.

My emails? I've never given Kayla my email address.

"Ok, one second." I swiped off of FaceTime, Kayla now in a small box on the side of my screen. I opened up my mail app and refreshed.

The email at the top of my inbox was from Janet Knight. Oh my god! The job!

I quickly clicked on the email, "Oh my god!" I screech, "I got the job!" I say not only to Kayla but my roommates too who were all looking slightly concerned at my sudden high energy this early in the morning.

"Yeah you did!" Kayla triumphed with me as my roommates wrapped me in a hug.

"Congrats Lils." Hannah beams pressing a kiss on my cheek. "She's an employee!" Kelsey jokes.

"How did you know?" I turn my attention back to Kayla. She smirks, panning the camera around to reveal that she's seated in Janets office, "Thought I'd pop by and see Janet before class." She says winking at me.

"Welcome to the team, Kent." Janet says down the phone from her seat behind the desk. "Thank you so much Janet! You have no idea how much this means to me." I thank the woman, "I can't wait to start."

"That's music to my ears because - I'll send you your rota - but your first shift is Wednesday." She tells me.

"Ok, so we need to celebrate, right?" Kayla says turning the camera back to herself once Janet had stopped talking. "Oh please, not Huskies again so soon." Madison groans pushing herself in view of the camera, "I'm still recovering."

Kayla laughs, "I was thinking dinner at the Mexican restaurant downtown?" She asks us. "Immediately yes!" Kelsey calls from her place on the couch across from me. Madison, Hannah and I all agree.

"Amazing, it's a date! Now get to class y'all, you can't be late on your first day of junior year." She fake scolds before ending the call.

Kelsey, Madison, Hannah and I all leave the apartment together before eventually going our separate ways to our respective classes.

My day was filled with meeting my professors and classmates so time flew by and before I knew it the school day was over. Kayla had text me earlier, asking me to meet her at the athletics building once I had finished for the day so I was heading there now.

As I entered the building, the sound of balls bouncing let me know there was some sort of practice going on. I followed the sound to a set of double doors with the Huskies logo on the front. I peeked through the glass on the door, I saw KK and Azzi immediately, playing 1v1. I allowed my gaze to travel across the court, spotting the other girls and some I hadn't met yet too. I was slightly disheartened that a certain blonde wasn't on the court and was about to leave when my view was blocked by a body standing in front of the glass in the door, on the other side. The door was yanked open and I can only imagine I looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Lily? What are you doing here?" Paige was the body blocking my view of the court, now my view was her.

She stood in front of me, lightly sweating and panting ever so slightly. She wore navy, UConn shorts and a short sleeve compression shirt, the sleeves scrunched and tucked into her sports bra straps, showing off her toned arms.

"Um-"

Why could I never think straight around this girl?

A small smirk spread on her face as she watched me struggle to find words. "I'm meeting Kayla." I smile, proud of myself for stringing together a coherent sentence while in Paiges presence. "Lucky for you, I'm heading upstairs - I can show you the way." She says stepping past me and leading the way to the offices.

I'm sure I could have found Kaylas office by myself but Paige didn't need to know that.

"Did you start classes today?" She asks as we walk up the stairs, her slightly ahead of me. "Yeah, been in them all day." I reply. "How did you find them?"

"Good, I guess." "You guess? Better than your last college though, you must have transferred for a reason." She says turning to look at me as we walk down the familiar corridor towards the offices.

"I didn't transfer because UMass was a bad college, besides it was more of an induction day today, no actual work got done but it was good!" I try and sound more positive. "Ignore my lack of energy, I forgot what it was like to be in a routine." I explain myself. "Why did you transfer then?" She asks looking at me slightly confused, head tilted. "It's a secret." I say smirking, making the situation more lighthearted than it actually was.

My reason for transferring wasn't a secret, I liked Paige and didn't want to scare her away.

Before Paige could press me for an answer, Kayla stepped into the hallway, seeing us approaching her office, "Hi guys!" she smiles wide.

"Hi Kayla!" "Hi K!" Paige and I respond and follow her into her office.

"Now, I know why Lilys here but whats up Paige?" Kayla questions Paige.

We both look at her waiting for an answer, "I- um -I.." She stutters and Kayla and I giggle.

Did Paige really not have a reason to be here? Did she lie about going the same way as me?

"Relax P, sit down." Kayla instructs and Paige shuffles her way to the couch in the office and perches on the edge, elbows rested on her knees and her face rested in her hands.

Kayla had asked me to come to the office to fill out some paperwork before I had my first shift and to also get my staff ID badge printed.

"If you just position yourself in front of the camera and I'll count down before I take the photo." Kayla says as I sit in front of the tripod. I fuss with my hair for a second and straighten my posture before pulling my cheesiest grin. "3..2..1." Kayla counts down before the shutter clicks telling me the photo had been taken.

Kayla leaves the room to go and collect the printed ID card and before I've move from my seat in front of the tripod, Paige crosses the room and stands looking at the screen on the camera that was displaying my photo, she smiles. "Is it bad?" I ask, "Am I blinking or something?" "Come look." She says beckoning me over.

I take the few steps that's needed for me to reach Paige and the camera and I squish myself into her in an attempt to get a look and the picture of me on the small screen.

Our bodies touching made my stomach do that thing it loves to do around Paige and I shiver slightly.

"Cold?" Paige asks hooking an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her. Jesus. It wasn't just my stomach feeling things now. I shake my head, "No, jumpscare after looking at that." I joke about my picture, it wasn't bad in all honesty, I just looked like it was my first day of high school with that big smile on my face.

"Don't play, Lily." She says looking down at me, eyes as blue as ever. "You're insanely beautiful." She removes her arm from my shoulder and brings her hand to my face, tucking my hair behind my ear, grazing my cheek as she does. "Don't forget it."

I swallowed hard not knowing how to react to Paiges compliment or her touch, I just stared up at her my eyes flicking down to her lips before we were interrupted.

"Here, all done!" Kayla enters the room again, my newly printed badge and lanyard in her out stretched hand. Her eyes flip between me and Paige and our proximity and the obvious tension in the air. I cough, clearing my throat and step away from Paige taking my lanyard from Kayla and hooking it around my neck. "Thank you, Kayla."

"No worries girl. You ready to EAT?" She asks emphasising the last the word as she packed a few things away in her bag, getting ready to leave.

"Yes! I'm starved." I say suddenly extremely hungry after a long first day.

"Hey! What's this, going to eat without me?" Paige asks giving us her best pout.

I look to Kayla, she was the one who made these plans so I don't know who she invited although I hoped Paige was on the list, she clearly wasn't.

"Actually, I mentioned it to Ice, she said y'all are training late tonight." Kayla turns to Paige as we followed her out of her office. "That is true." Paige says, "Geno wants us in the gym, not that I need it." She flexes her muscles and I feel a blush creep onto my face. "Put those away." Kayla huffs and rolls her eyes at Paige playfully.

We say goodbye to Paige at the entrance of the basketball court and she disappears behind same the doors she appeared from earlier.

"The tension when you guys are in a room together is insane! Please tell me you're aware." Kayla says to me, grabbing onto my arm. I laugh, "Of course I'm aware, it's driving me crazy." I tell her. "So do something! Make a move." She encourages and I shake my head, "No. I made a pact to be single this year and I don't know Paige well enough yet." I say and both are true.

I mean, I care less about the pact - sorry Kelsey - but I feel like I need to know Paige more before our harmless flirting turns into anything else.

"But I know Paige, she a nice girl Lils, like really nice." Kayla defends her friend. "You would say that, you're her friend. How do I know she isn't entertaining a load of girls. I'm not looking to get my heartbroken." I say honestly to Kayla. "For what it's worth, she isn't entertaining anyone at the moment." Kayla continues, "Just say you'll be open minded." "I'm opened minded." I agree and I am, I'm just also healing and would like to minimise the need to heal again.

Paige

Practice ended around 9PM and I was beat. Ready to shower and go to sleep as soon as I was home. Azzi and I drove back to our dorm together, it was a short ride but it felt safer driving, especially at night.

"You're being weird." Azzi stated turning her body in the passenger seat to look at me fully. "Huh?" I asked even though I heard her perfectly. "You're so distracted, what's going on?" My best friend pushed, she knew me better than anyone else, sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.

I shifted in my seat unsure how to answer because "I've got a brain numbing crush on a girl I met four days ago and I can't do anything without the thought of her entering my mind and taking over" sounded way too insane. I liked to keep it nonchalant but I was feeling pretty chalant when it came to Lily.

"Hello," Azzi waved her hand at me, "Paige you're kinda worrying me now." She said suddenly serious. "What? No, don't worry! There's no need to worry Az. I'm just- I'm..I'm down bad." I admit, pulling the car into park as we reached our dorm.

Azzi wasted no time before bursting out laughing, I shot her a stern glare, "What is funny?" I scowl. "You!" She continues to laugh, "You're never usually like this, what's gotten into you?" She asks. "I don't know, I think I'm maturing." I half joke puffing out my chest.

Azzi was right, I was never usually like this. No girl had ever had me flustered before the way Lily does. It's like every time I'm a room with her I want to be next to her, speaking to her, touching her. Not in a sexual way just in a 'I want you close at all times' way.

"Yeah right." Azzi rolls her eyes at the thought of me ever maturing. "Maybe you need someone to tone down your cockiness." She jokes. "I'm not cocky, I'm confident." I defend myself. "And I'm confident that's your girl." Azzi says pointing through the windshield, I follow her gaze and sure enough Kayla, Lily, Hannah and Madison are walking towards the apartment building, they must have just finished up with their dinner. "Stay here and thank me later!" Azzi says swiftly jumping out of my car and jogging over to the group.

I watch as a few words are exchanged and Azzi gestures over in my direction. Kayla, Azzi, Madison and Hannah then walk into the apartment block, leaving Lily alone but its only a few seconds before she makes her way over to my car.

"Hey Lily." I say through my open window, "Hi Paige, what's up?" I was unsure what Azzi said to get Lily to come over to me so I had to think fast with what to say. "How was your dinner?" I ask. "Oh, it was great! I love Mexican food." She says with a smile. "How was practice?" She asks me in return. "It was good today, hit some personal records." I flex my biceps, "Can you tell?" I smirk at her. "Hmm I don't know." She squints her eyes dramatically. "Maybe you'd have a better view if you got in the car and it wouldn't look like I was trying to kidnap you to anyone walking past." I say matter of factly and watch as Lily walks round the front of my car, to the passenger side and lets herself in.

"So, I know the dessert at the Mexican place downtown sucks, let me make it up to you." I say to Lily as she makes herself comfortable in my passenger seat.

That was a view I could get used to.

"What exactly are you insinuating Paige Bueckers?" She asks, brows raised and a small smirk on her face. God damn. Normal Paige would have wasted no time taking Lily straight to her bedroom but right now, I just wanted to spend time with Lily, be in her presence. Everything else would happen in time.

"Fro-Yo, of course." I grin and start the car, pulling away from the dorm parking lot.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Unlike me, Paige knew Storrs really well so it didn't take long for us to arrive at the Fro-Yo place she had in mind.

"I'm about to get the biggest tub of Fro-Yo ever bought!" Paige says as she brings the car to a halt, cutting the ignition and removing the key. "Not as big as mine!" I challenge her and we both exit the car, meeting side by side in front of it before walking up to the shop.

I hold sweet treats very close to my heart and frozen yogurt happens to be in my top three sweet treat options.

There were no other customers in the small dessert shop so we headed straight for the counter. I glanced over the numerous flavours and topping varieties as if I didn't already have a go to order. Obviously, this wasn't my usual place but they still had all my favourites.

"What can I get you ladies?" The man stood behind the counter, dressed in a pinstripe apron asked us.

Paige ordered hers first, "Can I get chocolate with strawberries, brownie bites, cookies and cream, fruity pebbles and chocolate sauce please?" She realed of her order. The man nodded reaching for a tub, "Any allergies before I start?" "Not for me but she's allergic to nuts. All kinds." Paige replies before I even have a chance to. "Noted." He says and starts to fill the tub.

Paige turns to me and smiles and I smile back, big and wide, "Thank you." I mummble. It made me feel warm inside that Paige cared enough to remember my allergy. It seems really insignificant but sometimes its the small things that have a big impact. "I got you." She says turning to face me and leaning back on the counter.

"How's that club of yours going?" She asks me raising her eyebrows glancing at my wrist, my shirt sleeve covered my bracelet but I knew what she was talking about. "It's going strong." I say pulling my sleeve up slightly, exposing the bracelet. "I don't know, it looks like it's getting a little loose to me." She says reaching out and tugging on it like she did the night in the bar. "If you keep yanking it, it'll be more than loose, it'll break." I say pulling my arm away from her. "That's the plan." She says quietly as she turns around to collect her order but I hear her loud and clear.

"And for you? No nuts obviously!" The man says looking at me. "Can I please get strawberry with raspberries, strawberries, mango, chocolate chips, cookie dough and chocolate sauce?" I tell him my order and he swiftly begins to fill my tub.

I look at Paige who's already started eating her Fro-Yo. Her hair is pulled into a slick ponytail and she's changed out of her workout gear from earlier and is now wearing sweatpants and UConn hoodie, she looks so effortlessly good, I can't imagine the girl ever looking bad.

"There you go." My order was complete and I took it from the server, "Thank you." I say to him. "That'll be $12." He says. I reach into my pocket to grab my phone to pay with ApplePay but by the time I look up, Paige's phone is already tapping the card machine. "My treat." She winks at me and we leave the shop.

"You didn't have to do that, thank you." I say to Paige as we climb back into her car, desserts in hand. "I dragged you here, it's only right." She says before digging back into her frozen yogurt. "I came willingly, actually." I say back to her, I liked being around Paige and I wanted her to know that. "Good to know."

We ate our frozen yogurt still sat outside the store. Paige asked me about my new job and I told her that my first shift was on Wednesday and how excited but also nervous I was.

"This Wednesday?" She asked and I nodded, "Yep." "That's our open training day. Media usually come in, see how we're doing and do interviews." She tells me.

Janet hadn't actually said what my first day would entail but I assume I'll be part of the open training Paige was talking about.

"I guess I'll be there then so no pressure." I say smirking. "I don't know pressure, never met her." Paige says confidently and I believe her, she doesn't strike me as someone who doesn't believe in herself. "I don't know much about basketball so it'll be day of learning for me." "Wait really? You don't watch basketball?" She looks genuinely confused, she stops eating and looks at me dead in the eyes. "Nope, I'm a soccer girl." I tell her. "Oh, we have got to change that." She stated shaking her head.

We finish off our Fro-Yo and Paige yawns, she must be exhausted after a day of training, I know I would be. "Tired?" I ask her pulling on my seatbelt preparing to drive again. She nods, "The first week back is always the hardest. Just getting back into the swing of things after downtime kinda shocks the body." She says beginning to drive. "Sorry for keeping you up." I say glancing at the time, it was almost 11PM. "Lily, you're not keeping me up, don't apologise. I want to be here..with you." She says and my stomach flips at the last two words.

I swallow my pride, "Paige, was this a date?" I ask, anxiety kicking in immediately at the thought of having misread this whole situation. She glances at me quickly before putting her eyes back on the road in front of us, "Would you want it to be a date?"

Yes.

"I-"

"I know you want to stay single and you're part of that club and have that bracelet on that I want to rip off so damn bad but I want to get to know you Lily, like really know you." Paige admits and for a moment I just stare at her in shock but also affection. It's dark now and its just the streetlights illuminating the car we're in, lighting up Paiges features in the most flattering way.

"Yes." I finally say.

"Yes?"

"Yes - I would want this to be a date." I breathed.

I watch a small smile appear on Paiges face and spread, "Really?" "Really, Paige. I want to get to know you too and I'm tired of making excuses when you catch me staring." I laugh and she laughs with me.

It takes no time at all for us to reach my apartment building, Paige pulls up outside and turns her car off.

"What about your club?" She questions turning to face me fully so her back is rested against the door. "What Kelsey doesn't know won't hurt her." I say mirroring Paiges position, my back also resting against the door. "Let's just get to know each other without anyone elses opinions for a bit?" I offer. "Sounds good to me." Paige says reaching for my hand across the console. She breaks the touch barrier and I could've sworn I felt sparks. Her fingers intertwine with mine and she fiddles with the ring on my index finger.

"So is the reason you transferred really a secret or can you tell me?" She asks looking up at me from our connected hands, her eyes looking straight into mine.

"Secret is probably the wrong word but it's... a long and complicated story." I say truthfully. "I've got time." She says back to me and I can tell by the look on her face she wants to know and I want to tell her, just not now. "You're tired." I say placing my free hand over ours still locked together. "Another time, I promise." "OK." She agrees, "I'll walk you to your apartment."

We exit the car and my hand immediately feels lonely without Paiges in it.

Paige leans up against the front of her car and pulls me to stand in front of her, "I had fun tonight." She tells me, one hand in mine, the other on my waist. "Me too." I blush at her hand placement as my waist burns at her touch. She leans down and plants a kiss on my cheek, "We'll have to do it again sometime." She says in jest. "I'll have to check my calendar." I quip back. "You'll be free for me." She smiles and we walk into my apartment building.

Paige walks me to my front door, "For what it's worth, whatever your reason for transferring, I'm glad you did." She says. "I'm glad I did too." I add pulling my key from my bag. "Goodnight, Lily." She says pulling me into a hug before I open the door.

"Paige." I call her back as she begins to walk away and she turns back to me I take a few steps towards her and have to stand on my tiptoes to reach her cheek before pressing my lips to it, "Goodnight." I say and walk into my apartment with the biggest grin on my face.

No-ones in the living room and I'm thankful I don't have to explain where I've been or what I've done.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨���˚₊✧˚ · .

[menfenced]

I've seen a lot of posts in the last 24 hours about why Kamala lost and I feel like most of them are failing to actually look at reasons voters are giving. Instead, they're putting forward what they personally didn't like about Kamala's campaign. But here's the thing to remember... You didn't like that thing about Kamala's campaign. You still voted for her. There's something else going on.

Because people didn't just vote against Kamala. They voted FOR Trump, and early polling results are showing they did it across the board in almost every demographic.

I've seen the calls for investigations into voter fraud and voter suppression because "this doesn't just happen!" and I agree with one thing. This doesn't "just" happen. There's a reason and democrats aren't listening. Because it's not just a handful of counties that got hacked or had crazy people trying to stop votes or didn't get all of their ballots counted. That's not to say that none of that stuff happened, of course. There may have been serious issues in some counties. But across the board, in nearly every state and every county, even if he didn't outright win, Trump made gains. The only two states where he didn't make gains: Washington State and Utah.

If that's due to voter fraud or hacked elections, it would have to be on a scale unlike anything we have ever seen before and honestly, we don't have any evidence of that right now.

So what happened? What do we know?

We know that since the pandemic and since the record inflation that caused, incumbent leaders all over the world have been losing elections at higher rates than usual. That crosses all political persuasions and again, has been seen across the globe.

Based on polling prior to the election, which remained fairly consistent throughout the election run, 3/4 US voters think the country is on the wrong track and 2/3 are unhappy with the economy.

Biden's approval rating when this election started was 40-41%

This is all a recipe for an incumbent losing, which to be frank, most people still saw Kamala as, even though she was running instead of Biden.

In addition to all of that, let's look at what the exit polls showed.

Kamala's approval rating in the exit polls was 48.5%

Donald Trump's approval ratings in the exit polls was 44.54%

And I know he wasn't running, but just for context Biden's approval ratings were 40%

When asked if Harris's views were too extreme, 46% said yes, 51% said no.

When asked if Trump's views were too extreme, 55% said yes, 43% said no.

So how did he win?

People like him less and think he's more extreme. Why did they vote for him?

Well, let's look at some other polling data.

45% of voters said that their family's personal financial situation was worse off than it was four years ago.

Only 25% said their financial situation was better than it was 4 years ago.

75% of people polled said that in the last year, inflation has caused them either severe or moderate hardship.

When asked who can bring needed change, 73% of voters said Trump and only 25% said Harris.

What that means is that a majority of American's don't like Trump. They don't think he's a good person. They think he's too extreme. And yet they still voted for him because the issue that was most important in this election was the economy.

Will Trump be better for the economy?

No.

But there's a perception that the current administration did not do everything they could have to fix it and people were willing to roll the dice on someone different.

Maybe we could have done more. Kamala only had 110 days to make her case and no matter what she said, the fact remained that she is the sitting VP. Maybe there was no way for her to escape the incumbent/status quo perception.

I hope we can learn something from the behavior of the American electorate this year, and I really hope Trump doesn't fuck things up too bad before we get another chance to step in, because the Republican Party is learning things too. They're learning that they can be as extreme as they want, but if they can make people believe the economy will work better under their leadership, even if it's not true, they'll still get votes.

[zigdirty]

Reads eerily similar (bold parts):

Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of everyday routine, the security of the familiar, the tranquillity of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby those important events of the past, usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the fifth, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well, certainly, there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. They were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic, you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night, I sought to end that silence. Last night, I destroyed the Old Bailey to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago, a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words; they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest that you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me, one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

V from V for Vendetta

The bold parts feel so similar to this post from JoJoFromJerz. One significant difference is that hate is what motivated everyone in the US, whereas fear and terror were the implied motivators in the movie. Worse, by far, but I still expect a similar future for us.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November.

Read this again in a year or so...

So, you want me to believe that you voted for a racist, rapist, convicted felon, business fraud who incited a deadly attack on our Capitol after losing the last election because of the price of eggs? That you voted for the orange-dipped dude who ran with a different VP because the last one was nearly hanged for not breaking democracy, because you’ve been getting fewer hours at your job these days?

You want me to believe that you voted for someone who nearly every economist in the world has said will grow our debt (which he did by the third largest amount ever the last time), increase our costs, raise inflation and destroy our GDP because a burger and fries at Five Guys is more expensive than it used to be? You want me to believe that you voted for the drink bleach guy who golfed while thousands of Americans were dying a day because you had it so much better then, when you were stockpiling toilet paper, than you do now?

You want me to believe that you voted for the guy who had 4 years to pass an infrastructure bill and didn’t, the guy who promised Mexico would pay for the wall when they didn’t, the guy who promised to bring manufacturing back, lower the cost of prescription drugs and end the opioid crisis but didn’t, because you preferred his “policies”? You want me to believe you voted for the “grab em by the pussy” guy who wants to destroy the Department of Education and to repeal the ACA despite the fact that he has nothing more than “concepts of a plan” to replace it, the guy who will roll back environmental protections, strip women and minorities of more rights, the guy who will hand Ukraine to Putin and Gaza to Netanyahu, the guy who has said he will be a “dictator on day one”, because you’re worried about losing your gas stove? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe any of that, and frankly, I’m not sure you believe it either.

Because the truth is that your vote wasn’t about any of that. You voted for the traitorous embodiment of the 7 deadly sins because when it came to casting your ballot for a Black woman, you just couldn’t do it. And because you like getting away with being your worst self. And because life is a whole lot easier to stomach when all that has gone wrong for you, is someone else’s fault. Let’s be honest here, that is what it was.

So when the price of eggs is $18, and your Latino neighbors have been deported or moved to some f’d up “camp” to pick the strawberries none of you will pick, and your miscarrying wife has to contend with sepsis before she’s allowed to have an abortion, and your autistic child is unable to get the early intervention they desperately need, please remember what it really was that you voted for.

Because I promise you the rest of us will never, ever forget.

JoJo from Jerz

[prick-up-ur-ears]

sometimes i think about the fact that i first discovered critical role beginning of march 2020, watched the first seven episodes of campaign 2 and got overwhelmed by how many episodes there were and stopped watching. i had no idea that was actually the optimal fucking time to pick up critical role and i dropped the ball. anyways. i’m officially buckling down and watching campaign 2

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[voidimp]

i Ɛ> feeling reality split

[mossflower]

loki season two has me screaming crying throwing up trying not to get dragged back into the mcu trenches

[wormwonder]

playing with circles O●°○•°o.

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[im2tired4usernames]

Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME

[icewindandboringhorror]

sleepy mr baby + other random misc images

[nerdie-faerie]

Why is it when I have a big task to complete that should take days to do, I procrastinate the hell out of it when I have plenty of time but when it comes down to the absolute last minute, I can do a couple of days work in a couple of hours? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why couldn't I do it casually over a couple of days but can do it in matter of hours?

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part one (chapters 1-3) story info • next part

word count: 6.1k

content warnings: mentions of homophobia and depression

Lily

Transferring to University of Connecticut in my junior year was my final lifeline.

No one has actually verbalised that but it was an unspoken understanding.

Everyone in my life, back home in Boston knew that coming to UConn was a fresh start for me and a second opportunity at life.

I started my college career at UMass in my home state of Massachusetts. Going to college was just another thing on my list to tick off to pacify my family. Unlike my high school peers, I never aspired to go to college, in fact I didn't think I'd be alive by the time it came around.

"You must be Lily!" A sweet voice pulled me from my inner monologue as I stood in my new bedroom, boxes surrounding me.

"Yes!" I spun around to see a brown haired, brown eyed girl stood in my doorway. I flashed her my biggest, bravest smile.

Fake it till you make it.

"I'm Kelsey." She introduced herself coming closer.

Being a junior, I opted to live in an apartment for my time here at UConn. Four people, four bedrooms. That way I had my own space but still the option to mingle in our shared living room and kitchen. I knew I was sharing with three other girls as there was a paper with all our names listed on the table when I entered the apartment a few hours ago.

Kelsey

Madison

Hannah

and me, Lily.

"Nice to meet you." I say and Kelsey hugs me tight, its a warm hug and I can tell its not just a pleasantry, Kelsey feels kind and that relaxes me immediately.

"Looks like we're the first to arrive, how long have you been here?" She asks looking around at the numerous open boxes with my possessions spilling out of them.

"A few hours - how about you?" I bounce the question back to my new roommate.

"Oh I got here last night. Just took a walk around to familiarise myself. I lived on the complete other-side of campus last year but wanted to upgrade for my junior and senior year." She explained.

"I expect a tour at some point then." I joke but Kelsey nods enthusiastically, "Of course! Did you live off campus last year?"

"No. Well, yes - I lived in a whole different state. I just transferred from UMass." I tell her.

I decide to keep my explanation of why I transferred clean and concise.

Massachusetts was not for me.

I was born and raised there and needed something new. I'm not ashamed of my life and what has happened, I'm just very aware that not everyone needs to know everything about me.

Not yet anyway.

And besides, this is supposed to be a fresh start and how can there be any truth in that if I spend my time talking about the past.

Kelsey stayed in my room for the next few hours and helped me unpack the majority of my stuff. Things were starting to look normal rather than like a bomb had just exploded, I was thankful for the help.

I learned a lot about Kelsey in the time we spent filling my wardrobe and organising my dresser. She was studying Education as she wanted to be a preschool teacher. She was also from New England - New Hampshire to be precise (East Coast girlies unite). She was a party girl and insisted on showing me the bars near-by. She was newly single and was making it her junior year goal to stay that way.

Me too. But I didn't mention that.

Her favourite colour was red which looking at her now, was obvious. She sported a red baby tee and had her nails painted the exact same shade. She couldn't function without a morning coffee.

Me too. I did mention that.

I liked Kelsey a lot.

"So Kinesiology..." She started mentioning my choice of major.

"Yes - it was kind of a last minute decision. I love sport, especially soccer and I knew I needed to study something that I could relate to a hobby or I would have lost interest." I laughed.

"Do you play soccer?" I shook my head immediately, "God no. I have absolutely no athletic ability I just love watching it." I say as we sit on my bed side by side, backs against the wall.

Watching soccer, whether it be on TV or in real life was the only time my brain truly shut off. I was too focused on where the ball was, who it was being passed to, how well the pass was being executed and if the net would ripple at the end of a well thought out play to focus on anything else.

"I suppose ninety minutes of tight kits and sweaty bodies isn't a bad view." Kelsey giggled and I couldn't argue.

"Do you watch or play any sports?" I turn my body to Kelsey slightly giving her my attention, I preferred talking about others.

"Definitely don't play. As for watching, I make myself present if theres a big tournament on, usually at the bar mind you." She points a finger at me matter of factly.

"But enough about me. I feel like I've told you my life story and all I know about you is you're a Bostonian who loves soccer. Tell me something fun! Are you dating anyone? What's your type?" She asks eyebrows wiggling at me.

I contemplate my answer carefully not knowing how to broach the subject. Kelsey makes me feel like I can trust her but in reality I've known her less than 12 hours so don't actually know her. I remind myself why I'm here: to start afresh. I decide to be honest, I spent way too long hiding who I really was.

"I'm not dating anyone." I confess, the words feeling foreign even though its the truth. "My last relationship didn't end so well. In fact, it almost ended me." I quip making light of a not so light time in my life not so long ago. "Oh no, I'm sorry Lily. I'll kill the guy if I ever meet him." She says seriously, hands balled into fist as if she's a boxer preparing to go into the ring.

Here goes nothing.

"The girl." I say correcting her. "You'll kill the girl if you ever meet her." I stay silent trying to read Kelseys reaction to the fact that I'm gay. Living in America you never know what to expect when you reveal something like that, I just hoped mine and Kelseys newfound friendship wasn't about to come to a premature end.

"I have no problem beating a bitch up." The brunette says flicking her hair off her shoulder. I breathe a sigh of relief, the revelation doesn't seem to have bothered her in the slightest. "My sisters lesbian and I've heard enough stories to know girls are just as bad a guys. Maybe you should join the sisterhood of single juniors." She says, raising an eyebrow putting her hand between us for me to place mine on top and join the unofficial club. I hesitate because deep down I'm a lover girl and despite my heart being in a million pieces right now I know I want to love again.

"Hey, there's no contract. You can leave at anytime and theres no rules that say we can't have fun." Kelsey playfully reassures sensing my hesitation so I place my hand on top of hers, "Single sisters!" We both giggle, Kelsey leaning her body into mine so our shoulders are touching.

This feels like the perfect start to my life in Connecticut.

I left Boston broken. Brokenhearted and mentally in pieces.

My once big friendship group had dwindled down to one best friend. My ever growing confidence had come to a halt and years of therapy was thrown down the drain.

My Sophomore year was turbulent at best, coming to terms with my sexuality was a journey and then being outed was crushing and too much for me to handle. Managing my emotions has always been a problem of mine, I feel everything or I feel nothing. Both ends of the spectrum can be scary and dangerous and I did stupid things and made an almost irreversible decision.

UConn and Kelsey feels like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Madison and Hannah showed up at some point that evening. The girls had been roommates their Freshman and Sophomore year so already knew each other well. Kelsey and I introduced ourselves and we decided as a group, pizza for dinner was the best way to spend our first night together. We spoke and ate in the living area of our apartment until tiredness took over us one by one.

As I lay in my new bed in my new room I think of the days and weeks to come. I want to start off the best I can, give myself the best opportunity to love life again. Starting tomorrow, my goal was to find a student job on campus. Classes would take up most of my time but I needed pretty much all of my time filled, that way my mind wouldn't stray. I also wanted to scope out the sports. UConn was known for their amazing athletics program and I couldn't wait to be watching games again.

Oh and of course Kelsey wants to go to a bar tomorrow night, Hannah and Madison too so I close my eyes preparing for a busy day ahead, the melatonin I'd taken kicking in.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

My first day in Storrs as a student at UConn was going better than expected.

Kelsey had showed me her favourite coffee place and it had lived up to her hype. I got my usual order of an iced caramel latte with soya milk. I had unintentionally made myself lactose intolerant after being vegan for a few years. I was no longer vegan but dairy refused to be introduced back into my diet. While we sipped our drinks she gave me the grand tour of campus and then Downtown Storrs. It reminded me a lot of Boston which was bittersweet but I focused on the sweet.

"And that," She says pointing to one of the buildings with a huge Huskies sign, "is the infamous Huskies! The best bar around...well, the only bar around but never-mind. That's where we're going tonight." My roommate tells me and does a little dance which makes me laugh.

We finished our coffees on the walk back to campus and Kelsey dropped me off at the Athletics building where I was going to enquire about a student job. I had checked online and there were a few available, I just had to apply. I figured showing my face would make me stand out compared to the many applicants I'm sure admissions would have to choose from. It also gave me an opportunity to check the team rosters and schedule. I became friends with a lot of the student athletes at UMass because I went to so many games, it made me wonder if that would be the case here at UConn.

Walking into the building, it was obvious there was a gym inside I could hear what I assumed to be people working out. Music blasted through speakers though it was muffled by the closed doors and the clanging of weights dropping further verified my assumption.

The doors were closed as I walked passed what I now know is the weight room from the sign outside. My curiosity tempted me to peek inside the room as I heard a cacophony of voices, girls voices for sure.

I was stopped in my tracks, "Hi, can I help you?" The voice came from an older woman, I looked to her and smiled, "Yes please. I'm looking for the main office, here to enquire about a student job this semester." I explained.

"Oh wonderful - follow me, I'm Janet. Head of admissions for the Athletic Department."

I followed Janet down a few corridors and up a set of stairs before reaching the office. The walls along the way all adorned with various UConn teams holding trophies and medals covered in confetti. It was clear they were no strangers to winning here.

"So we have a few positions on offer is semester. I suppose it depends on what kind of role you're looking for." Janet says sitting behind her desk and inviting me to sit facing her.

"I'm studying Kinesiology so I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to work within the Athletics department at all. I'd be happy with anything." I say and truly mean it.

"What is your schedule like?" Janet asks.

"My classes are most days until 4 or 5pm. Wednesday's are completely free as are evenings and weekends." I tell her.

"Hm OK, we have a position here for a Communications Intern. You'll be assisting with post and pre game press conferences and social media posts. You'll be at most home games on the sidelines, taking notes for our journalists to write in articles and pictures to post on our socials - nothing professional of course, we have photographers for that but the fans like to see some behind the scenes on game days." Janet reads off her screen before looking up at me with a raised brow, "How does that sound?"

"That sounds great!" I replied enthusiastically, "As a fan of sports myself, hopefully I can show game days from a new angle."

"Amazing! Our womens teams are gaining a lot more traction, not just on campus so I'm positive fans who can't make it to games in person will be grateful." Janet smiles, typing a few words then standing from her desk. "I've put your name down - at the top of the list in bold - it's always nice when applicants come and see us face to face." I smile to myself knowing that would be the case.

"Thank you for making time to see me." I say to Janet, shaking her extended hand before she leads me out of the office. "My pleasure."

Outside of Janets office is a huge ceiling to floor window with a perfect overview of the gym below. I was correct earlier, there are people working out and it is girls. I stop momentarily to take in the view below me, my mind automatically goes to my major and I wonder what paths these girls are on. Are any of them injured or coming back from injury? I'm immediately intrigued as I watch them perform different exercises.

"Those are our basketball girls." Janet breaks my daydream. "I suspect you'll be working with them a lot this semester."

I turn to her my eyes slightly widened, does that mean I've secured the job?

"If your application is successful of course." She smirks but its a knowing smirk that puts me at ease.

"Oh, and thats Kayla." She points out a specific girl in the gym, dressed differently from the others and considerably shorter so I immediately assume she's not on the team. "She works here in the main office with me. She's a great girl to know, I'll introduce you."

I follow Janet back down the stairs and through the same corridors we took less than thirty minutes ago. This time I take more care as I look at the pictures on the walls, the basketball team seem to take up the majority. I spot names like Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi which I am familiar with but not too much, in all honesty I've never watched a full game of basketball in my life. As we get closer to the end of the corridor where the pictures get more recent I notice one girl in particular, a blonde, she seems to always be in the middle of group photos, her teammates looking at her with admiration. Her smile contagious, making me smile as if I'm in the picture myself.

"Prepare yourself." Janet laughs as we approach the weight room door. "What for?" I ask now not so curious about going inside as I was earlier. "They're a lively lot." Is all she says before pushing open the door.

I take a sharp inhale, anxiety creeping in as I follow Janet into the room of athletes.

Every single one of my senses was hit walking into the weight room. The noises that were once muffled by the closed doors were now loud and clear. The room was significantly colder than the rest of the building for obvious reasons but I wrapped my arms around myself nonetheless. Thanks to my deep inhale on walking in, I was only now getting a waft of what smelt like a mix of sweat and fruit. I say a silent prayer that its the girls in here because I know for a fact it would be sweat mixed with more sweat if it was the boys. My eyes scanned the room quickly taking in what I just seen from above. I recognised some of the girls from the photos on the walls, not the blonde though. She wasn't here. Maybe she was a senior and had graduated already, a shame if that is the case.

"Hello ladies." Janet calls over the booming music. One by one the girls turn their attention to us and smile or wave and I return the pleasantries.

"A new commit?" I hear a voice behind me ask before feeling a hand press down on each of my shoulders. I unconsciously tense at the surprise contact.

"No, no. This is Lily - a junior here. She just applied for a job in the department so I'm showing her around." Janet explains and the girl that just had her hands on my shoulders walks in front of me revealing herself.

"Oh damn my bad, I got excited for a second." She laughed a little embarrassed, "I'm KK, nice to meet you." The girl introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you, KK." I smile at the basketball player and she goes to join the rest of girls who are now teasing her for basically jumping on my back. I didn't mind, it just caught me off guard. Besides, I'd rather these girls be overly friendly than cold and moody especially if I'll be working with them soon.

"I'm Paige." A slender hand extends itself to me, coming from the same direction KK came from. I take the hand in mine before looking to see who exactly 'Paige' was. "Hi-" my words get lodged in my throat.

There she was.

The girl from the photos. The blonde with the contagious smile and, I'm now realising, extremely blue eyes like the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

I compose myself quickly, "Hi Paige, I'm Lily." I manage without stuttering as I shake the girls hand before letting go, somewhat reluctantly.

Her hand was bigger than mine and it was warm pressed against my palm, my hand tingled where her touch just was.

"What's your major?" She asks and she seems genuinely interested.

"Kinesiology." I reply, turning my full attention to Paige, my back now to Janet.

"Interesting! You'll get along perfect here, lots of bad knees." She says lifting her leg showing off a nasty scar before tapping me on the shoulder and joining KK and the others.

"Lily hasn't got the job yet, Paige." Janet called after the girl who turned around, "You know what to do Jan!" She called back with a grin.

The girls giggled as she joined them and she playfully shoved one of them away. I couldn't hear their hushed words over the music but the way Paige glanced back at me, making direct eye contact, made me think it was about me or maybe I was just delusional hoping the pretty girl was in fact talking about me. I quickly averted my gaze.

The type of scar and placement on Paige's knee made me assume she had suffered an ACL tear. Tough, if I was correct. ACLs are a horrible injury to face but I can tell by the way she squats with a barbell rested on her shoulders, her form perfect, posture just right that it was healed. Suddenly my gaze was no longer diverted and I was just staring.

Janet introduced me to Kayla and we spoke for a few minutes, mainly about Kayla's role and how excited she would be if I joined the team as, and I quote, "The Athletics Department needed more girls behind the scenes."

We left the weight room together, Janet bidding us farewell at the door and Kayla and I walking to the exit of the building side by side.

"Welcome to UConn, by the way. I'm guessing you transferred here? I haven't seen you around before." Kayla says to me.

"Thank you! Yes, I just transferred from Massachusetts. So far, so good." I smile as we step outside into the warm August weather.

"It really is great here. Give me your number and we'll meet up, I know you just met Paige and KK but I'll introduce you to the others as well." She says pulling her phone from her back pocket and handing it to me.

I type my number in her phone saving my contact as Lily Kent - my full name. "That will be fun, thank you. I only know my roommates at the moment so I appreciate it." I hand Kayla back her phone.

"Thats the perks of working in sports, you make whole teams of friends." She says proudly.

"I need as many as I can get, it's kinda scary being the new girl. Maybe I'll meet some more tonight, we're going to a bar." I tell my, hopefully, new friend.

"Not the famous Huskies?" Kayla asks sending me a quizzical look. "Yes! The famous Huskies." I laugh, seems like this place has quite the reputation. "Perfect! We'll see you there then."

"We'll"? We all? As in possibly Paige? Suddenly I need to go back to the apartment take an everything shower, beat the hell out of my face and put together the best outfit I own.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

I wrapped myself in my robe and stepped out of the bathroom. All three of my roommates were in the living area of our apartment. "Hey guys!" I chirped, strolling into my room.

"Hey Lils, what are you wearing tonight?" Hannah asked following me into my bedroom. I looked back at her and we both glanced around my room and laughed.

Before taking a shower I attempted to choose an outfit which had resulted in me tearing my wardrobe apart, clothes now covering the majority of my bed and floor.

"Ok girl, never fear - Hannah is here." Hannah reassured sitting slap bang in the middle of the floor reaching for random items of clothing. "It's definitely a casual vibe but also our first night out. Not all students are back on campus yet but the athletes are so arguably thats even more of a reason to look good." She side eyed me from her place on the floor.

Could Hannah read my mind?

I hadn't mentioned my interaction or reaction to Paige to any of my roommates yet. Mainly because I had made a pact with Kelsey to stay single - not that Paige was in anyway trying to make me her girlfriend but also because I knew we'd probably see her tonight and three tipsy girls around their friends crush well, it wouldn't stay a secret lets just say that.

I also deep down knew that it was probably way too soon for me to even be thinking about another relationship but I can admire from afar right?

I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost two years before it finally ended in May, three months ago. 21 out of the 22 months we dated, we kept our relationship a secret from pretty much everyone. My best friend, Emma knew but that was it. That was the way we both wanted it, neither of us were out and we enjoyed sneaking around and having a genuinely private, private life.

That was until April when I accidentally left my phone in the library and it was found by someone who I thought was my friend. I stupidly had a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing as my lock screen. My phone was returned to me and everyone acted normal, I thought they hadn't noticed. Until that night, a picture of my lock screen was posted into our group chat and all hell broke loose. I felt physically sick at the words used to describe me and my girlfriend.

I was told I was sick, I needed help, I needed to find God and repent. I was told I was better off dead. It all very quickly became too much and I removed myself from the group chat and hoped to avoid the girls that were a part of it.

Unfortunately, there was no avoiding one another when your families knew each other. My girlfriend and I were promptly outed to all of our friends and families against our wishes. It put a lot of pressure on us. I was lucky to have kept a best friend in Emma. She stood by my side when nobody else did. My family were understanding, confused for a while but they came round and accepted me for who I am.

My girlfriend wasn't as lucky and that is what ultimately broke us apart. I don't blame her, she chose a relationship with her family and not being disowned over me. I can't blame her.

I blamed myself though. Me and my stupid lock screen had ruined us. I quickly fell into a downward spiral that was impossible to save myself from. I was drowning and I didn't know how to swim. I have a history of depression and I stopped taking my medication, I had lost all will to even try and continue with life and one night I decided I was done.

Life was not worth living if it was like this.

"Ok! How about this skirt, with this top?" Hannah asked holding up a distressed mini denim skirt and black bandeau top.

I looked at the outfit in her hands seeing the vision. "Yes, but swap the top for this one." I say holding up a long sleeve black shirt instead.

"Girl, it's August and we're going to be inside. You do not need long sleeves." I swallowed, I knew this would come up sooner or later. "Yes I do." Was all I said and luckily Hannah dropped the subject and threw me my skirt.

"Get ready! I'm going to change, we're leaving in an hour." The blonde girl stood up from my bedroom floor and left me alone to get dressed.

"Here, drink up." Kelsey placed a red cup, full to the brim, on my desk as I applied my mascara, finishing off my makeup.

"What's this?" I ask not waiting for an answer before taking a swig of the unknown drink. Vodka. It was definitely vodka and something else. I winced at the intensity of the cocktail. "It's the Kelsey Special of course!" My roommate laughed taking a sip from her own cup.

"Oh close your eyes!" She said doing a little jump, "I have a surprise for you."

“A surprise? For me?” I say doing as she says.

"Ok open!" I opened my eyes to see Kelseys hand opened in front of me, a danity string bracelet laying in her palm. "What's this?" I ask taking the thread into my own hands and admiring the intricate plait it was braided into. "It's official Single Sisters merch, duh!" She exclaims taking it back from me and tying it around my left wrist, she held up her own wrist showing off her matching bracelet. "I love them Kels!" I smile as I get up and pull her into a hug, "Thank you." "You're so welcome Lils, now lets get drunk!" And with that she drags me out of my bedroom, drinks in hand, into the kitchen where Hannah and Madison are pouring shots.

By the time we reach Huskies, its safe to say I'm tipsy. I'm not sure how many shots were consumed back at the apartment but I had another cup of the Kelsey Special and my body felt tingly and almost numb, it felt nice. I wasn't new to drinking and I knew my limit so I knew I'd be fine. We each got a drink as soon as we entered the bar and headed straight for the dance floor. The bar was decently busy, I scanned the room, no sign of Kayla...or Paige.

I'm not sure how long I had been dancing with my roommates before I felt an arm drape over my shoulders, "Hey hottie!" I flicked my head round and was met with Kaylas smiling face. "Oh my god, hiii!" I exclaim pulling her in for a hug, the alcohol had definitely hit. "These are my roommates! Kelsey, Hannah and Madison." I say pointing at the three girls individually, Kayla introduced herself as I finished the remainder of my drink.

"Come meet the girls!" Kayla shouted over the loud music, ushering us through the crowd over to a table in the corner of the bar.

She went around the entire group aquainting us with each other. I was now able to put names to the faces of the girls I'd seen in the gym earlier in the day.

Ice, Nika, Aliyah, Azzi, Aubrey and Jana.

"And of course you already met KK and Paige." Kayla says pointing behind me as Paige and KK approached us, multiple drinks in each of their hands.

I'm unsure whether it was the copious amounts of alcohol in my system or the moody low lighting of the bar but Paige looked particularly majestic as she sauntered over to the group. She had this vibe that seemed to follow her. Multiple heads turned in her direction and something told me she knew how hot she was.

KK was quick to put down the drinks she held and embrace me, I hugged the girl back taking in her sweet scent. Paige wasn't so quick, she handed drinks to her teammates and they thanked her before she turned her attention to me and my roommates. She introduced herself to Kelsey, Hannah and Madison giving them all a quick side hug.

"Hi Lily." She says, her eyes looking directly into mine. I have to look up slightly, the girl has some inches on me, "Hello Paige!" I can't help the stupid grin that spreads across my face as she leans in to hug me, not like the other girls, I'm encapsulated by both her arms, I swear if I was a cartoon character this is the moment my eyes would turn into red love hearts. Her scent was different from KKs, more vanilla-y, musky almost, warm.

"First time in Huskies calls for one thing: INITIATION SHOTS!" Nika says pulling me from Paige and leading me to the bar, her hands on my shoulders.

Once we all have a shot in our hands, Nika looks at me, "Ok one fact about you that no one knows!" She says pursing her lips.

God, the list was endless.

"I'm allergic to nuts." That was the most mundane fact that came to my mind.

"And not just the food kind!" Kelsey exclaims making the girls laugh before we knock back our shots.

Kelseys joke seemed to either go over everyones head or life really was different here in Connecticut and no one hated me because I was gay. Either way I felt comfortable around these girls, welcomed and it was a nice feeling.

I was reaching my limit but still found myself stumbling slightly towards the bar.

"Easy there." A hand grabbed my elbow balacing me before I was able to steady myself. "Thank you." I giggled and my words came out slurred.

I had definitely reached my limit but I waved the bar man over. "Vodka cranberry please!" I ordered feeling the hand move from my elbow to my lower back.

Who the hell was this?

I turned my gaze to my left seeing a guy slightly taller than me with brown shaggy hair smirking down at me. With one hand occupied on my lower back, the other dug into his pocket and he pulled out his card, "Let me get this for you." He says as he goes to pay for my drink. "No, it's OK." I say simply, trying to shrug him off. "Let me." He insists pulling me closer to him.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable when I felt his arm get yanked off of me, "She said it's OK, bro." Paige had inserted herself between me and the creep and gave him a light shove away. "Are you OK?" She asks looking at me sincerely, brows furrowed together. I nod, "I'm fine." I say as I pay for my drink. "Are you sure?" She double checks. "I promise, Paige. I've dealt with worse than a drunk guy in a bar." I reassure her. "As long as you're OK." She says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walk back to the table her teammates were once gathered around.

Paige sits down at the booth and I intently watch as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and reajusted her t-shirt.

"You like what you see?" Paige is smirking now and I've been caught red handed.

"I um- I-"

Pull yourself together Lily!

"I wasn't staring." I defend myself lazily. Paige laughs, "But you were staring in the gym earlier." She says matter of factly, raising her brows at me.

I feel my cheeks burn, well and truly red handed.

"What?" Is all I can manage as a response.

"The walls are mirrored babe, just because you were behind me doesn't mean I didn't see you." If it was even possible, my cheeks got hotter with embarrassment.

"Cocky much?" I taunt the basketball player before taking a long, needed sip of my drink.

"When it makes you this flustered, yes." She says reaching out for my wrist, pulling me to sit next to her.

We're so close our legs are touching and I can smell the mix of vanilla and musk again. "Tell me something about yourself Lily. Something other than your allergy to nuts...not just the food kind." Oh god.

I muster every sober fibre inside of me to think of something that doesn't qualify as a trauma dump. I look down at my hands, the bracelet Kelsey gifted me earlier poking out of the bottom of my sleeve.

"I joined a club!" I say waving my arm up showing off the bracelet.

"Oh yeah, what club?" Paige questions, head slightly tilted. "Single sisters!" I say proudly. "It's just me and Kelsey at the moment but we made a pact to stay single all of junior year." I tell Paige about mine and my roommate's promise to each other.

She hooks a finger through the bracelet, her knuckle grazing my skin softly, and tugs gently. "Hey!" I pull my arm away afraid she'll break the delicate thread. "What are you doing?" I frown. "Just checking how secure that thing is." She looks at me with that god forsaken eye contact that she's so good at. "Wouldn't want it breaking." She says eyes still locked onto mine.

"Lilyyyyy." I begrudgingly look away from Paige to see Madison practically being held up by Kelsey and Hannah.

I thought I was drunk.

"I think it's home time." Paige says into my ear, her breath hot on my neck.

"Hi Mads." I say standing up, ignoring the fact Paiges breath had spiked my heart rate. "I think we should get her home." Hannah says and I nod turning to grab my bag.

Well, well, well.

I catch Paige, staring, right at me, I smirk to myself.

One point to Lily.

I bend slightly to pick my bag up off the table, "Looks like we both have a staring problem." I say quiet enough for just Paige to hear and quickly turn on my heel following my friends out of the bar.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

Fine. Taking my autistic-with-shitty-parents ass and watching Bluey. Maybe I will cuddle Dotty while I do so for the full experience. I feel like you sick bastards just want to see me cry

[wishful-seeker]

I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!