#i feel like a lot of them have the markings of a scam but people get super mad when you point that out lol

[marshmellowtea]

i feel like i should put a "please don't send donation requests they will be deleted" warning somewhere that isn't my about page cuz no one fucking looks at that but idk where it should go

[thisisthevoice]

its so awful that when you look up almost anything body related esp if its commonly seen as a "flaw" you get inundated with stuff about how to "fix" it. stop it shut up stretch marks scars and stuff arent a problem that i need to ""fix""

[kowabungadoodles]

How to spot a (heart wrenching sad cat) Charity Scam

So I've been get a lot of requests for money in my askbox lately, from users I have never seen before! Usually sad cats, sometimes gender affirming medical bills, a queer person being made homeless etc etc... and guess what? None of them are real! It's scammers who have learned how to work tumblr's userbase and prey on our general sense of community and charity.

Here it is, so sad! So tragic! But let's note a few things:

It's generic. They don't know me, I don't know them. it's addressed to 'friend', no use of nicknames or usernames.

Even the cat and the problem are generic 'little kitty' who has 'urgent needs'. This is not how real people talk, this is because this scam is being used over and over with different accounts a different 'cats'.

Praying (uh huh.)

Asking you to reply privately- This is so people don't spot the scam and point it out the mark and because if too many people posted replies to the same message it would beome really obvious that this is a scam. If they're looking for 'boosts' so badly, then why do they need you to reply privately?

Now that I'm suspicious, let's investigate.

Sent me an ask and then followed me! Sounds like they're just hitting up anyone and everyone, but even more likely they have a list they're working from.

(I get so many, I'm probably on a mail-out list a mile long, just being hit up for cash. Likely I fell for one of these once and got my name added to every scam list for miles, but oh well.)

So let's see if they're a bot or a real person!

The blog looks genuine enough, they've got a bio, a fandom etc. And it says they're an artist!

And of course there's that sad cat post, pinned right to the top, so I don't have to look any further through the blog for verification... Looks super legit, pics of the cat, pics of the bill... of course anyone can print out a bill and take a picture of it...

As I do scroll futher, it's full of reblogs making this look like an active user. So how can I tell it's not genuine?

Well, if they're an artist they probably post right? Doodles? Pictures? Let's have a look at their origional posts.

The fastest way to do this is by using an outside tool like Original Post Finder.

just type in the suspicious username and go...

Voila! As suspected, the only post this bot account has ever made is Sad Cat Post.

Confirmed: Scam. Do not give your money to these guys, it looks so real but they're just here to make you feel like a bad person for not handing over everything you can. Charity is wonderful, supporting friends is wonderful, but tbh save it for people you actually know irl/ mutuals you have an actual relationship with. Don't believe any rando who comes knocking!

Love and kisses, stay safe out there.

[tiyoin]

I ate your heart

warnings: graphic description of: violence, SA, gore, mentions of cannibalism, murder, reader almost gets graped, alcoholism*, manipulation, ‘victim blaming,’ unhealthy coping mechanisms, dark content - alastor and readers relationship is up for interpretation

dawg imagine you get killed by yan human alastor.🫣

like you’re thinking that you’ll finally be safe in the afterlife, hoping that you got a spot in heaven. (yet apparently, premarital sex would automatically remove your spot in line for a chance at salvation)

blasphemy does those kinda things🤷🏻

doesn’t matter if you lived as a nun. helping sinners see the light and righteousness of god. doesn’t matter if you fed por hand your entire life. or even if you solved the trolly problem.

one toe out of line, and your ass is grass.

so you’re in hell. if you knew you’d be going to hell you would’ve done a lot worse things in your human life for more power.

imagine living on the low, yeah you’ve killed people, maybe even took a soul or two. but it’s nothing to brag about, especially compared to the over lords.

—

very important note at the end.

1-800-662-4357 - addiction hotline.

-

by pressing ‘read more’ you have consented to reading this.

just a few years into your stay they started going missing. one, by one.

there was a whisper in the wind, a chill in the air as everyone had this impending sense of dread as a new over lord would be found almost daily. ripped to shreds, horribly mutilated, with missing limbs and ginormous bite marks that would open the food gates for intestines to spill out and pool around them.

sometimes there were no intestines at all.

or a body.

yet there was always a new broadcast

it wasn’t an exaggeration that everyone has been looking over their shoulders whenever the shadows looked a bit longer than usual. when the air starting churning and crackling. when the sudden sound of screaming ripped through the air. it was a natural hell-born reflex to flinch at the slightest noise of static.

a conditioning technique his radio broadcasts seemed to involuntarily instill on sinners.

you’ve never seen this so called ‘radio demon’ in person before. well, barely have been able to escape him and tell the tale so you weren’t sure what to look for.

or look out for. all you knew is that his name was alastor. and that whenever you heard that name you blood ran cold and your body stiffened.

tour mind would ring and your head would pound as you try to remember just where you’ve heard that name before.

yet your memory always failed you.

but alcohol never did.

seated at a bar as noisy club music blasted, you trace your finger longingly on the rim of your shot glass. eyes already drooping as your wrist which was keeping your head propped up started to ache.

you wouldn’t call yourself an alcoholic per say. more of a,,, continuous connoisseur. which was surprising due to the  hellish prices on everything here.

it’s not eternal damnation unless there’s a 5% sales tax plus gruitivity.

so instead of working your ass off to make a living, you’ve decided: ‘hey, it’s hell! i can do whatever i want (to an extent) and so i choose to scam men!!’

with every new bar came a new rotation of men looking to take up the empty seat next to you. you puffed your chest as you recalled a few women and non conforming folks take the seat sometimes.

you always made sure to… entertain them.

feeling a familiar pit in your stomach, you pause your hand. the coldness of the shot glass cooling your hot lips as the animal man next to you howls with laughter. the alcohol hitting his system like a firecracker.

and like clock work, his hand slipped around your waist, as he whispered filthy nothings you didn’t bother to catch, having heard it all before. even the sweet begging to take out to one of the many sex rooms the club has.

yet he dragged you towards the exit.

and you allowed him.

you thought it comically ironic that you were doing just the thing that punched your ticket down here.

the bitter cold nipped at your skin and tickled your brain. you were always so confused with the temperature of hell. freezing at night, scorching during the day.

even he’ll hated the homeless. who knew 🤷🏻

in the alley next to the club the animal man was biting and clawing at you. panting and speaking gibberish as his clumsy movements seemed to cause a new line of blood on your skin. you couldn’t do much to stop it.

limbs and eyes heavy as you tried focusing on him, on his wandering hands, his filthy mouth.

you wanted to go home.

he favored ignoring your sluggish mumbling and groans to comment about ‘wanting to fuck you nice and hard, giving you a few kits to remember him by.’

your clothes were practically in shreds. the chill in the air adding a faux impression of clarity as your arms started to weakly bang against him.

you didn’t even think he noticed as your fists wouldn’t even make it to his chest. you were so weak right now.

the only reason you weren’t crumpled on the ground as because he were pinning your entire body to the wall.

yet the inconsistent grip he had on you caused you to ping pong a bit.

“s stowp” you slurred, head lolling down as you felt his claws stop momentarily. he let out a cackle that rang through your eyes and rattled your brian stem.

fuck. you hissed. this is gonna one shit of a hang over

the drunk broke your thoughts as he continued his drunken rambles.

“the moment you took the sshhhot” spit flew in your face “i paid for… you were mine” he pushed his face in your neck, the hotness of his breathe sending distressed shivers down your body. urging your body to WAKE UP

yet he kept you pinned. you head looked to the side when tears started streaming down your face and with a big, slimy lick he greedily lapped them up.

you started struggling once his claws moved to your legs.

fuck fuck fuck you fucked up. you fucked up. why did you think this was a good idea, you knew something bad was going to happen. why didn’t you just listen to your gut. why didn’t you just take his watch and turn to the next man. why did you entertain him.

why did you let him buy you that drink.

“angel shot” had different meanings for the orderer.

if a woman ordered it, then security would either beat the shit or kill the demon she pointed out. (whether the staff respected women or just wanted an excuse to get blood on their hands, was a topic you often avoided thinking about)

but, if a man orders it… he wants to take a woman to the heavenly gates of sovereignty himself.

that last part is often open to interpretation.

nothing ever got done about these drinks. you were in hell after all. you think the politicians would ban something they invited?

the sting of his drool on an open, bloody bite mark on your collarbone ripped you from the sanctuary of your minds palace as his glowing yellow pierced into yours.

in an instant you felt nails digging into the flesh of your bruised and battered neck. blood dripped from your neck and onto your body as he squeezed harder.

black spots danced across your vision, followed by white, then purple, then red.

“help” you choked out, head lolling to the alley way as people walked by, not even phased. it was just an average day in hell after all.

the arm that wasn’t trying to put distance between you and him was heavily reaching out towards the street. hoping anyone, anything would come save you from your fuck up.

“get ready to meet god, bitch” he growled, hands-

there was a squelching noise as his breathe stilled. you dropped to the ground, hard. as he let go of you. his clawed hands fell limp to his sides. his face was blank as he staggered back.

“w-what” he stuttered, arms shakily moving to his stomach- well, what used to be his stomach- as a black tendril was impaling him.

you couldn’t move, couldn’t even stand or lift your eyes to see the scene before you. your heart beat was slow, yet thunderous in your ears. it’s thump almost made you miss the pleading, miss the screams of absolute anguish as the sound of flesh tearing and static and laughter filled the air. miss the way his head rolled in your direction before a dark, clawed hand reached from the hands and snatched it back.

it felt like hours before someone came up to you. but realistically, it was only a few seconds before you felt something hard and metal touch your head. only for the oddly shaped stick to wrap around your hair and yank your head up.

you groaned at the pain, eyes droopy as you struggled to stay conscious. you wouldn’t have been able to fight even if you wanted to.

paralyzing fear that washed over you like a tsunami, RUN. a voice spoke. yet you couldn’t even breath automatically. that job becoming harder and harder with each passing second. you couldn’t forget about the possibility of broken bones after… your viscous assault.

so you had no choice but to stay pliant to the new player in the game. 

“well well well” your eyes snapped up, your eyes met the abyss as a ferocious, crazed grin greeted you.

“it seems you carried over that habit of keeping… bad company he mused. although there was a hint of amusement in his radio voice, you knew there was nothing to laugh about.

he sighed before picking up the demons decapitated head by his hair. pushing it toward your face you were forced to smell him.

he pulled his staff- you- closer to the head, your upper body twisted uncomfortably as you were almost nose to nose with you.

a whine left your throat as alastor face came into your peripheral vision.

“what’s wrong? i thought you two were in the middle of something! but all means continue, i would hate to intrude”

he wasn’t talking about tonight. you knew that.

you felt your consciousness slip for a moment, only for a moment as a sharp sting penetrate your skull.

in a moments time the head was gone, but it was replaced by a dreaded sense of dejavú.

your brows widened as the face of pure, unadulterated fear contorted onto your face.

his grin only seemed to widen as his eyes crinkled harder.

“it seems someone remembers something. tell me miss y/n” he leaned closer, some kind of indigenous symbols started to crackle and float around him.

“tell me what you remember” he sneered, radio voice growling as his horn stretched out longer than before.

your mouth was dry, yet your tears were bountiful as your body’s natural reactions took over.

you were petrified. alastor knew this as you inhaled the intoxicating scent of terror that cling to you like perfume as you struggled to speak.

he hummed in what sounded like disappointment. but you were never sure what he was feeling as that damned smile was always glued on his face. even now.

he stepped away as he dropped your head, luckily your arms were positioned as the perfect pillow for your head to fall onto.

“since that cat has clearly stolen your tongue” he mused, briefly looking to the furry body he just… exterminated. he got bigger. horns growing even linger from his head, like branches from a tree, his already deformed limbs cracked and snapped like twigs as they went in all they grew longer, and larger in thr wrong directions.

you hadn’t thought it possible, but his smile grew larger, sharper as more teeth were revealed. pointy, yellow stained teeth with chunks of flesh and fur still in them smiled at you.

you were scared.

scared for you life-

your soul.

you wanted an escape.

giving up on physical escape meant the only place safe was your mind. yet even there he still resides.

yet his limbs weren’t twisted and broken, his voice wasn’t shrouded in statics and his hair most certainly wasn’t red.

you gasped.

alastor.

his face deepened.

“so you’ve remembered…”

you were shaking, visibly shaking as you saw two of him.

one with full teeth and brown eyes and hair… the other…

monstrous, nightmarish. hell-ish

why’d you think you could escape him, why’d you think you’d get mercy in your afterlife, when you didn’t revive any in your past life.

you didn’t wanna die by the same man twice.

alastor, who could practically read your mind inched his face down further

“don’t worry little one, i do not plan on making the same mistake twice.” like a flicker of a candle his demonic form turned into his human form. though you must have imagined or hallucinated it. as the thing was still there.

yet with each passing moment his horns subdued into his head. his grin downgraded into a smile as the symbols slinked out of existence one by one.

“i was quite… emotional back then.” he pet your hair, instantly stopping your shaking. he pretended it wasn’t because you were scared stiff.

“i didn’t know how to react when i heard you had a midnight rendezvous with the librarians son. it broken my heart” he sniffles, eyes slowly turning back into red slits.

“it saddened me, woed me to do what i had to do.” he sighed. you felt a punch to your gut as his personality did a compete 180.

“i never wanted to… yet you left me in a tricky situation” he shook his head sadly, palm against his cheek to empathize his sadness.

“but!” he said, a smile on his face as he pointed up. “i know it wasn’t your fault, that boy had been ogling you far too long so i did the only thing i thought that was fitting.”

his free hand opened his palm, showing you a faux image of smoke and mirrors, a woman and a man.

they looked around before they noticed each other. you could tell what their relationship was by how they ran to each other.

before they could reach each other, he crumpled his fist, nails digging into his glove as his slits narrowed.

“i ate you heart”

—

1-800-662-4357 - addiction hotline.

*as the author I feel obligated to write this : reader is an alcoholic but they can’t see that they are. due to having friends struggle with this i’m telling you guys straight out. that reader is addicted to alch so that part isn't up to interpretation. it’s very serious and very isolating, please think about your friends and families before you go down this path. voluntarily or involuntarily. addiction isn’t fun or even remotely ‘cool.’ the more serious talks we have about addiction instead of crossing it out as 'something only dirty people do' and start seeing it for the monster it truly is; is the day we will get as a society. although i didn’t struggle with alcohol addiction, i was victim to another kind that plagues me to this day, so please take my advice and make smart choices.

this also extends to self destructive behaviors, like what reader is doing

personally, i think alastor is some kind of ace / demiromantic

out of all the things I was gonna write to come back, I never would've thought it was gonna be a hazbin hotel imagine. let alone an alastor x reader one.

[sashi-ya]

東京 NIGHTS mini event

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑰𝑴𝑨𝑮𝑬ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 𓂃 ࣪˖ toji fushiguro x f! reader

⤹˚ synopsis. a miserable Toji founds the living image of his death wife in you, a sex worker at Kabukicho.

requested by: Anonymous ➡ omg i've been waiting for you to write for jjk!!! please Sashi, can you write an nsfw toji x f! reader with the prompt The red lights of Kabukichō. tw: MNDI. dark! content. reader is a sex worker from the kabukicho red district. toji has no respect for you. oral, rough, spanking, slapping, unprotected sex, cream pie implied, you look like Megumi's mom. first time I write for Toji pls be soft on me. wc: 2k masterlist

A lucky round, for the very first time at Pachinko. Fushiguro Toji feels pleased; he lies on the backrest of his seat, right in front of an old machine and next to many other people desperately trying to win something. The more desperate they get, the more they lose.

Poker, Mahjong, horse races. money, lose the money. lose your life, lose the time until it is over.

“It looks like you have a lot of luck tonight, mister” a woman whose face he simply ignores, paws his wide frame.

“Get off, bitch” he mutters, scaring her away with his sharp -but really tired- eyes.

The lady walks away, spitting expletives that Toji couldn’t hear -nor cared to do so-. However, consequences were about to hit him.

Two guys, or maybe gorillas, appeared right behind his seat. “Sir, I must ask you to leave” one of them says, trying to snatch him from behind, passing one of the arms around his neck.

Unfortunately for them, as well as for Toji, the strength and speed of his Zen’in body  allows him to not only avoid the attack but also smash the head of the aforementioned gorilla against the Pachinko machine.

“Fuck you” he grunts, knowing too damn well the aggression didn’t come because of him disrespecting a lady but rather because his “luck” wasn’t welcomed into their business.

Honestly, given the right moment, Toji would have killed them both in no time… but tonight was different; some years -he doesn’t even remember how many- have passed and today marked the anniversary of his wife passing.

Toji stole a bun from the guy that was sitting by his side and walked away from the Pachinko parlor before the astonished looks of the people there. Nobody dared to follow him, they knew death would find them if they dared to mess a single second more with that man.

His steel blue eyes shine red as the lights of Kabukichō receive him in their sensual embrace. The attractive concupiscence of beautiful women dancing on windows catches his attention, but no woman is enough to make him feel any type of pleasure.

He is well aware of the many scams there, but he is sure nobody could scam him more than he could scam them.

Many women and men come closer, wearing revealing suggesting outfits; they touch him, they call him inside their “shops”. Yet, Toji still walks unaware, as if possessed. Some even offer him their services for free, his handsomeness is undeniable; his strong physique, delicious and tempting.

“Sir, sir!” you call him, tapping insistently on his wide shoulder. “SIR!” you repeat, as he seems not to hear anything around.

Toji turns around, all of a sudden, grabbing your hand to stop poking him. “What the fuck do you want, I don’t wanna fuck you… you…” he angrily barks, stopping immediately after watching your face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to… your… your wallet just fell from your pants” you tell him, scared and feeling the tight grip intensify around your wrist.

His eyes burn holes into yours, his expression turns troubled, darker. He is not blinking, and perhaps even not breathing.

“Do you work here?” he asks. “It’s my first night… I was promoting that- bar” you point out to the entrance of a quite ratchet facility of red and pink lights and semi naked woman pictures on their walls.  “I… your wallet” you murmur, showing him the black ragged leathery pouch that feels light and empty.

He lets your arm go and takes the wallet with absolutely no interest. His eyes, however, never let go of your face… you must be an interest to him?

“You… what’s your surname?” he asks, as if he was waiting to hear something revealing.

You frown; why would a complete stranger ask for your surname? Men in here only want one thing, and to them what’s your name is totally irrelevant for that purpose.

“It’s (Surname)” you tell him, either way. You had nothing to lose, after all.

He seems relieved but also a little disappointed. Truth is, that you look incredibly similar to his late wife… “Come here, I want you” he simply states, pulling from your hand to the inside of your work place.

You follow him with no time to say no… you wouldn’t say no anyway.

There is not much your boss can do either; he is in fact pleased to know that right after he hired you, you have already given him a client.

You open the door to the “rooms”. Precarious looking places that no man cares about as they only care the true purpose of his visit.

Once inside one of them, you close the door, and the red lights bathe both of your bodies as if it was a blood bath.

“Sir, which service would yo-“ you ask, but you are immediately silenced by his hand on your mouth. He pushes you to a round bed, making your back hit violently the mattress. You blink twice before he could pounce into you.

Toji is big enough to smash you with his body, and you honestly would love to die underneath his prominent chest tonight.

“I don’t care about the services you give, spread those legs” he orders, slapping the inner side of your knees.

You let your legs open wide, falling to each side. The short skirt you were wearing invites him to taste you; the buffed man with a scar on his lip sees everything you have to offer.

He smirks, so dark. And then, takes his black shirt off. His body is by far better than what you thought that tight shirt had already revealed to you. Each muscle perfectly showing like it’s been sculpted on his skin. The wide shoulders and prominent collarbones and pecs… he is the total embodiment of carnal desire.

Toji’s brute hands rip your almost transparent thong now; the elastic band snapping on your hipbone makes you squirm owning yourself to get his hand around your neck. “Stay still, bitch. You will have enough time to squirm around once I fuck you”

Your insides tremble, your core tenses. Such a disrespect makes you hornier instead of mad.

“Y-yes…” you stutter, finishing your words with a loud moan as his fingers penetrate you. Your back arches, and the more it does, the more he squeezes your neck.  

With lack of air and probably blue lips, your eyes turn white from pleasure. Your legs tend to close but you can’t as Toji prevents them to shutting.

“Hold on there, don’t close them. I need to prep you, you are too tight to me” he spits, reaching deeper with curled beckoning fingers hitting your top wall. You clench to the sheets, coffing and trying to grasp for some air… this man will kill you, and you will be smiling at him.

He takes his fingers out of you, giving you some seconds to rest. You watch your own arousal dripping down his hand and forearm. Toji sticks his tongue out in a disgusting, yet absolutely sexy way, and licks your salty products right from there.

“Not as good as my wife, but still good” he murmurs, leaving you startled… he has a wife?

Well, not exactly.

He turns you around from your right ankle, this man’s strength surpasses any limits. Your face hit the mattress, leaving you a little bit dizzy from the fall. Immediately after you could react, you feel two big hands lifting your ass from under your lower belly.

Knees carved on the bed, and also head as one of his heavy hands pass from your waist to your nape.

You sense two fingers spreading your folds, and the wet tongue of him licking from your clit to your ass. He has absolutely no decorum to do it, he does it so disgustingly lustful. Toji’s nose buries in your perineum as he sometimes focuses on your throbbing clit, sucking hard until your inner thighs begin to spasm and tremble.

Some spanks are added, that leave your cheeks burning. He goes even down, hitting the back of your thighs, a place that hurts but makes it even better. You are sure by now you must have created a pool of your fluids underneath you, and if not… well, you are most likely about to.

“Ehj… so wet…” he pants once he stops eating you out.

With difficulty you see him through the mirrored walls cleaning his mouth with the back of his forearm. Slanted eyes peek through black strands of hair, they meet yours and It’s both scary and hot.

Toji smirks, so devilishly and turns you once again around from your leg. You are like a mere doll to him.

He buries his fingers in your cheeks, making your lips pout and your eyes widen. You are still panting, so your breathing sounds loudly in between your fingers and a drop of saliva pools right in the middle of your lower lip.

That man has the look of a murderer, of a devil. With just one hand he gets rid of his grey pants along with his underwear. Your eyes confirm why he mentioned the need of you getting “prepped” as he exhibits his hard sex.

Purplish tip, veiny. It is not gigantic, but still constitutes a challenge for anyone to be able to take it. He is not going slow, nor carefully… and you know that for sure.

“I’m going raw, hope you are ready to become a single mother” he lets you know, as if you didn’t know already. You limit yourself to nod. You are honestly more worried for the integrity of your insides than that.

Toji kneels on the bed, sitting on top of his heels. He grabs you by your hips, pulling you over his lap to get your sex closer to his. A sex that with the simple touch of his warm precum covered tip makes your already overstimulated you to shiver.

His fist, also veiny, clench around his shaft. Toji pumps up and down two or three times and then plays with your wetting mess and his, giving you little slaps with his tip.

Strings of transparent lubrication mix; your neediness is that big you squeeze one of your breasts… it seems eternal, the wait, the desire…

The penetration. “Ngh…”

You arch your back while Toji penetrates you deeper and mercilessly, there is no escape as he has you trapped by the sides of your hips. Your toes curl, feeling the stretching of your cunt, and swearing his tip has probably reached a place nobody has ever reached inside you.

He begins fucking you, without moving a single muscle but his muscular arms. He is using you as a fleshlight, and his eyes are fixed in your beautiful pleasure façade.

“Keep moaning that way, you are almost identical” he grunts, moving you in and out faster and harder.

You aren’t very sure to who you are almost identical, but your brain has become nothing but a mere dumb slave of that lustful sexual torture.

He lifts from his heels, along with you. Your face and barely any of your nape remain on the mattress. To him moving your body, he adds his own hip thrusts. The sound of your skin slapping is almost as loud as your whining.

His forearm is the only thing holding you up by the small of your back, while his free hand now rips your little shirt open. Your breasts bounce in pure freedom, calling him to bite them so brutally. And so, he bends over to reach for your hard nipples.

Toji’s eyes never leave your façade, he seems possessed as he enjoys and also suffers.

“Fuck you bitch, how come you are that similar to her… you do the same fucking face” he spits, slapping your face and then burying his index and middle finger inside your mouth.

You choke but suck desperately. Your moans get muffled by his salty fingers; your sex has already undergone the stage of climax more than twice.

He can go for hours, pumping deep in you, biting your breasts, slapping you… and he does, until your conscious begins to fade, and he wishes to fill you up.

“Hold my cum inside, maybe I can give the fucking clan another kid” “Sir…? Which clan?”

I only touched her; I only fucked her because she looked just like you… I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so much...

[mirisss]

Fated No More

Enhypen OT7 x afab! reader

Soulmate au, angst, Enhypen are still idols in this though you can think that their ages are a little older than in reality - specifically Jungwon and Niki, 

Warnings: angst, sad, Enhypen members being very rude/mean to reader, talk of depression, Lies, Enhypen kind of getting scammed, 

Summary: In a world where everyone has a soulmate some people have multiple, but what if the one you’re fated to be with doesn’t want you? 

Wordcount ≈ 3.4k

Thank you for the request @lene03! I hope you enjoy it and that it lives up to your expectations! I’m sorry if it turned out a bit too angsty.

Part 2, Part 3

Third Person POV

(Y/n) knew early on in her life that she was blessed with more than one soulmate. The day she turned 5 a small tattoo appeared on her right shoulder of the initials of her soulmate, L.H. It was strange for someone to receive their soulmate mark so early, though it all made sense as she received another one on the day she turned 7. This time the initials appeared on her left wrist, P.J. The next one appeared on her 10th birthday, S.J., and this one was placed on her right wrist. The fourth one appeared on her 12th birthday, this one like the first was placed on her shoulder though the P.S. was placed on the left shoulder. K.S. Was the fifth initial to appear, this one came on her 14th birthday and was placed on her right ankle. (Y/n) wondered how many soulmates she could possibly have as five was more than usual. If someone had multiple soulmates it was usually no more than three, at least that’s what she could find when doing research. Nonetheless, she was ecstatic and hoped that these boys lived close to her and to each other so they could quickly find one another. On her 15th birthday, she examined her entire body wondering if maybe she had received another name, but she found nothing, perhaps she didn’t have a sixth one. A year later as she woke up on her 16th birthday, she was shocked to find a pair of new initials on her thigh. Y.J. A sixth soulmate. That must be it? Right? I can’t possibly have more, right? Was what (Y/n) thought. Two years passed and it was now (Y/n)’s 18th birthday, last year she had not received any new initials but she wasn’t calm yet as she figured out that the initials only appeared every 2 or 3 years. This meant, that today was the last day she could receive an initial as after you turn 18 you can’t receive anything more unless your bonding is from scars or something like that. Tattoos are not included in that category. (Y/n) got up out of bed in the morning first looking at, the now familiar, initials she had received over the years. She then began searching for a possible new one, and she quickly ended her search as she only had to look in the mirror on her left collarbone, where she found N.R. as a small yet noticeable tattoo. Seven. Seven soulmates. That’s a lot, but (Y/n) couldn’t be happier. All her life, that hasn’t been that long, she had felt that she had a lot of love to give, more than just one person could receive. And she was ready to feel that love from her seven soulmates too. She just had to find them. Are you looking for me too? 

*A month after (Y/n)’s birthday, at school*

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)!” “Moa! What’s up?” (Moa is (Y/n)’s best friend, change the name if you want to,) Moa sat down beside (Y/n). “You have to help me vote during lunch,” “What are you voting for? The next prime minister?” “No, something important! It’s for a survival show!” “Of course it is, haha, alright, here, download whatever app I need or whatever and show me a performance of the one or ones you want me to vote for,” “You’re the best (Y/n)!” Moa showed (Y/n) a few performances pointing out her favorite trainees, (Y/n) had to admit everyone was very talented and handsome. (Y/n) didn’t notice at the time that the seven people that Moa was fangirling for matched the initials on her body though it hit her ones one of them, Park Jay, was particularly close to the camera with one of his hands and she saw multiple initials on him, ones that just so happened to be matching hers. “Moa, do you also see my initials on Jay’s wrist? Or am I just crazy?” “HUH?!?” Moa paused the video and moved close to the screen. “We might just be delusional but yeah I definitely see your initials and also two others that match some of the ones on you,” “Is it possible that he’s one of my soulmates?” “I mean it could be anyone so yeah it’s possible but at the same time, it could just be a coincidence that the initials match your own and the ones on your body,” “But if he’s an idol, or becomes an idol, it’s going to be all the more difficult to meet him,” “Yeah, it will be really hard,” A few weeks passed by with nothing much happening except the survival show ended and Enhypen was formed. (Y/n) kept up with the show after that day and she was convinced that it wasn’t a coincidence that all the members matched the initials on her body, along with her finding her initials on Jay, that first day, and later on seeing them on Heesung and Sunoo too. (Y/n) was trying to find out if the boys had found out they were soulmates or if maybe it was just a coincidence that the initials matched. So far, she got nothing. 

* At the Enhypen dorm * 

The boys found out as soon as they met that they were soulmates as their tattooed initials slightly burned and began glowing until they touched each other to stop the burning and calm down the glowing. They had a conversation regarding the last initial that they all shared, speculating over whether it would be another guy or if it was a girl, or maybe someone non-binary. “I think it will be a girl, I can just feel it,” “Yeah? Feel what? The bullshit you’re pulling out of thin air?” “Oh shut up Niki, you don’t understand the things I know,” “Hyung, you sound like you’re sixty years old or something,” Heesung and Niki were sitting on the couch just talking when they suddenly entered the topic of their eight soulmate, causing a friendly bicker between the two. “No matter what gender they have, I’m sure they will fit in just great with us,” Jungwon said as he entered the living room to end the bickering. The boys couldn’t wait to find their final soulmate, though they knew it would be difficult to find the last soulmate since they were idols. 

* A year later *

During one of Enhypen’s fan meetings, Jake noticed that the fan in front of him had a tattoo with matching initials of his own, he hadn’t felt any burning sensation nor seen either his own or the girl's tattoos glowing. Yet he felt obliged to ask for her name to see if maybe fate was just slow with reacting to them being so close to each other. “Excuse me, what was your name?” The girl giggled and blushed before answering. “(Name)” (Aka, a name matching your initials) Jake gasped as the name matched the initials he and the other boys had tattooed on them. “Excuse me, manager-nim,” Jake called over their manager who quickly came over to him, worried that the girl had done something bad. Jake whispered to the manager about the situation and that he suspected the girl might be their soulmate, The manager nodded his head and after the girl finished speaking with all the members, the manager arranged for her to come backstage. The girl was then informed of why she was given this chance. The girl knew that she hadn’t felt anything from her initials meaning she wasn’t Enhypen’s soulmate but feeling a bit greedy and wanting to meet with them she agreed, lying by saying that she had felt some burning when meeting with the members. She thought she would be stupid to not take this chance, she didn’t care about the truth for now, after all, she could only benefit from this situation. Once the members got to the backstage area Jake had already told them of what he saw and their manager said that the girl had experienced some burning. While the boys thought it was strange that they hadn’t felt it they played it down to that perhaps they got used to the burning from experiencing a strong burning sensation when they met each other. Soon enough, they had fallen in love with the girl. 

* Yet another year later *

(Y/n) had studied hard with the determination to attain a job at HYBE in order to meet her soulmates and after two years of finding out who her soulmates, probably, were, she had succeeded. “Moa! I can’t believe this! I got the job!” “WAAAHH! CONGRATS!” After graduating from high school, Moa and (Y/n) moved in together, it was difficult getting by but they managed. Now though, everything would be better because (Y/n) finally got a well-paying job. “Let’s order some good food and celebrate!” “Yes!” 

“Ah! I can’t believe it’s your first day already! I feel like a proud mother sending her daughter off to the first day of school!” “Haha, you look like the part too, good luck at the shop later, I’ll see you for dinner!” And so, (Y/n) headed out for her first day at HYBE. She knew it might take some time before she could meet with Enhypen, though it was worth it as long as she could find out eventually if they were her soulmates or not. This was a step in the right direction. 

* 2 Months later *

“(Y/n), good job, You’ve really shown how skilled you are during such a short amount of time. Manager Sung here is in need of a new assistant manager and after seeing how tenacious you are I believe you would be a great fit for that position,” (Y/n)’s boss was praising her, she surely did deserve it for everything she had done during just two months. Manager Sung, does he work with a debuted group or with the trainees?” “Oh, right. I didn’t tell you about that, Manager Sung works with Enhypen,” (Y/n)’s smile widened so far her cheeks hurt. Finally, she thought. 

A few days later, (Y/n) was heading to the practice room in which she would meet Enhypen for the first time. She was to be in charge of their schedule for the day as Manager Sung was busy with meetings. (Y/n) stopped right outside the doors, “Deep breath, (Y/n), deep breath,”. The second (Y/n) opened the door and stepped inside, she was met by all her soulmate tattoos burning like crazy as well as glowing like a raging fire during a pitch-black midnight. The Enhypen boys also felt the burning and saw the glowing. They didn’t understand why it was happening now as they already had their eighth soulmate. Soon the burning calmed down and the seven boys turned to the door to find an unfamiliar girl standing there with tattoos that were glowing just like theirs. “Hi” Was all (Y/n) said as she was in awe of how handsome they all were. “Who are you?” Sunghoon asked while the boys all moved closer to each other, not wanting to be too close to the unfamiliar girl. “I’m (Y/n), I’m Manager Sung’s new assistant manager. Nice to meet you,” They introduced themselves as Enhypen, keeping it very formal. (Y/n) was confused over why none of them had mentioned the whole soulmate thing yet, she knew that they had felt the burning based on what she saw and heard as she stepped into the room. (Y/n) cleared her throat and began explaining her assignment for the day, the boys’ schedule for the day mostly consisted of dance practice and some vocal training. “Yes, we know our schedule for today, thank you for reminding us though. I guess we will see you for lunch, bye,” Jungwon’s words were sharp and cold, just like the stares all seven boys directed toward (Y/n). “Oh? Uhm, I was told to stay with you all day so I’m just gonna sit in a corner, out of your way,” The only response (Y/n) received was a single nod from Sunoo before Jay prepared the music and Niki began showing them some good warm-up moves. (Y/n) sat down in a corner as she had said, sighing and wondering why the boys seemed to be so cold toward her. 

All too soon the day was over and Enhypen as well as (Y/n) were meant to go to their separate homes. “Wait! Can I talk with you guys?” “What? You a fan or something?” “I guess you could call me a fan, yes, Niki, but that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about. Please? Can we just sit down and speak for a few minutes? It’s really important,” “Alright, 5 minutes. Then we have to leave,” Heesung said while Jungwon took up his phone alerting their driver of the short delay. The eight of them sat down by a table in the corridor, the boys all seemed to have bored looks on their faces while (Y/n) was giddy with happiness. “So, um. Did you notice anything special when we met each other?” “No, not that I can think of,” “Are you sure?” (Y/n) began doubting herself as they denied her suspicion of them being her soulmates. “Yes, we are sure. Was that all you wanted to talk about? If so, we’ll take our leave,” “No, wait. Please. The second I stepped into that room the seven initials I have tattooed on my body began burning and glowing, the initials matches yours exactly. That should mean something, right? That should mean that you guys also felt something,” “Look, (Y/n), was it? We already have our eighth soulmate, we don’t have a ninth,” Sunoo usually looked so sweet whenever (Y/n) had checked variety shows that Enhypen joined yet now, his words were almost mocking and mean. “No, but, I’m your soulmate,” “Maybe fate got it wrong this time because we love her and we’re fated with her,” (Y/n) could feel her heart breaking at Jake’s words, the smile she once wore was turned into a shaking frown as she tried to hold back her tears. “We’ll leave now, goodbye, miss assistant,” They got up from the table and walked away without turning back once to check on her. 

That night as (Y/n) got home, Moa noticed the glum look on her best friend’s face and the tears waiting to fall from her eyes. “(Y/n)? What happened? What’s wrong?” Moa rushed toward (Y/n) as (Y/n) collapsed on the floor after getting her shoes off. “They have someone else,” “What? Who?” “Enhypen, Moa. They have another soulmate, they rejected me,” “No, that’s not possible, how could they have someone else if you’re their soulmate? Did you feel the burn?” “Yeah, it sure did burn and glow, and I saw theirs glowing too yet they still deny it,” “Maybe they are just confused, try talking with them a little every day so they can warm up to you and realize that you are their true soulmate,” “I’ll try, thanks Moa,” “Everything will work out, don’t worry,” 

(Y/n) continued trying to have small conversations with Enhypen though her attempts resulted in nothing but cold shoulders and the silent treatment. It was clear that they wanted nothing to do with her, (Y/n) tried to remain positive through it all, and hoped that the next day would be better. However, each day seemed to only get worse. Working so closely with them made it all the more difficult to ignore their icy attitude. Three months after their first meeting, Enhypen had grown tired of (Y/n)’s constant tries at getting close to them. They were over her. Their girlfriend, (Name), was not happy once the boys had told her of (Y/n). They said that they knew (Y/n) was their true soulmate and not (Name) but that they loved (Name), not (Y/n). (Name) was happy that they chose her over their true soulmate considering she had done the same for them, though she had yet to meet her true soulmates. “Hi boys, great work on the music video so far, want to eat lunch together?” “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE? IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT WE DON’T WANT YOU? WE ARE COMPLETE, WE DON’T NEED YOU, FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BOTHER,” They all took turns yelling at her, fortunately, no one else had seen or heard their outburst. Once they had finished screaming, (Y/n) was crying silently, her whole body was shaking. The boys felt their soulmate marks itching and hurting, most likely a sign of them rejecting (Y/n) and being so harsh to her. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave,” (Y/n) turned around and left the location, telling Manager Sung that she wasn’t feeling so good and needed the rest of the day off along with the next day, Manager Sung agreed and hoped she would recover quickly. 

“Moa, I’m gonna quit my job at HYBE and move somewhere else. I’m sorry for the inconvenience this will cause you,” “(Y/n), no. We’ll fix this. You can find a job somewhere else around here until you do I can cover rent, with my raise I received recently that will be fine, We might have to cut down our food expenses a little but we’ll manage,” “I can’t stay here, I can’t be close to them, it hurts Moa. I can barely breathe, my body is numb and heavy, I can’t move it, I would rather die than stay here,” “Okay, we’ll find a way. I’ll help you, We promised to stay with each other so wherever you go, I shall follow,” “I wish you were my soulmate, Moa, it would have been so much easier, don’t you think?” “Yeah, it probably would,” And so, (Y/n) sent in her resignation letter to HYBE, saying it would be immediate and the reason was because of a family situation. The two friends began searching for new jobs abroad and apartments as well until they finally found two jobs perfect for them and an apartment in (Country and city of choice). (Y/n) had become severely depressed but having Moa around helped a little. 

A year goes by and one day when (Y/n) wakes up, she comes to realize that the once vibrant soulmate tattoos have begun fading. The marks hurt the first weeks after the rejection but now they only brought her emotional pain as she looked at them. With every day the marks faded more and more until they were no longer visible. (Y/n) knew she wouldn’t receive a second chance in this lifetime yet she was relieved that she at least no longer had to stare at the initials who broke her heart. The Enhypen members had not been as blessed as (Y/n) when it came to the marks, theirs were constantly itching from the day that they screamed at her. The marks were bringing them a lot of discomfort yet they still stayed with (Name), refusing to leave her because they loved her too much. Perhaps fate was punishing them for the way they acted toward (Y/n), the truth might never be known, but the thing that is certain is that they are fated no more. 

Hope you liked it, please reblog!

[buckyarchives]

Domestic Life Of a Living With a Runaway Assassin. [Intro.]

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x soulmate!reader

Summary: you hate many things in life. you hate soulmates. you hate the avengers. you hate guns. you hate loud snorers and complicated relationships.

Bucky Barnes is associated with all of those things, yet you can't find yourself hating him

W.c: 2.1K

Series playlist linked here

Author note: this was actually one of my first long form fics I wrote in many years, its carrys a nostalgic feeling and means a lot to me. i wrote it like last October and thought abt kinda rewriting some stuff and posting it here! I thought some of you guys woudk enjoy this story. this is only a short darbble that teases the story, next chapter shows how they met and everything after that. It takes place right after CA:TWS and it’s a soulmate AU!

Masterlist

Soulmates.

The legend goes that when the universe was created and whatever higher power you believed in created humans to have two sets of legs, two sets of arms, and two heads. Now because the world is cruel and no one can have nice things, whoever is in charge up there split us up into two beings but forever being connected by our souls. Spending the rest of our life waiting and searching for our other halves. Never being our true whole selves without them. How poetically tragic.

It turned into a weird way to make money nowadays, you felt like no one really cared about the reality of soulmates now. It was made into shitty romance movies, or stupid scientific searches for your one and only soulmate that was definitely an internet scam. People literally faking soul marks towards celebrities for their one chance with them that their delusional minds make up. 

All just a desperate attempt to feel whole and loved but your one and true person. Always and forever destined to be.

What a touching story. Too bad you think it's all bullshit

No genuinely, you were supposed to believe your life's purpose was to find this one person in the entire universe that matched you, and without them, you what? you were going to be miserable for the rest of your life? The universe is a scam. You had given up on the whole mad search for your other half years ago, you didn't understand why you couldn't go out and find your own partner without having to match up those stupid words on your shoulder. 

“I'm sorry, you probably don't feel very safe with me.”

Those stupid words. You hated the idea of soulmates but you couldn't stop yourself from the hours of wondering just what the hell that was supposed to mean. You had no interest in seeking out your soulmate but you could wonder what type of person they may be. Were they really a dangerous person? Would you genuinely not feel safe with the said person when you first meet? Would you even meet them?

Questions had swirled through your head since the day you got it. Those questions had died down a little, you were getting older and most of your peers had already met their soulmates. You noticed soulmates were not just romantic, they came in friendships, some didn't work out, some came between children and parents, and some came through your fire escape at night, covered in blood and knocking down your favorite plants.

With a loud crash, your feet carried you through your new york apartment to your living room. You saw the outline of him crouched down on the floor. “I'm so sorry, I know that was your favorite plant.”

Okay, spoiler. You had found your soulmate. You weren't excited about it as the rest of the world expected, but it happened. You weren't some hypocrite that would suddenly abandoned all beliefs and fell head over heels for your soulmate once you met like one of those stupid romance movies you mention earlier, you were not some cliche. Especially not with a poor excuse of a runaway-brainwashed-assassin soulmate, at least you would try convincing yourself that.

“My god Bucky, how many times do I have to tell you to just go through the door.” you pinch the bridge of your nose as the tired old man scrambles to clean up the dirt and scattered pot beneath him. “I mean, you practically live here now.”

“I'm not using the door, someone could see me.”

You think Like that's better than having someone see you climb through the fire escape, asshole. You scoff and shake your head and begin dragging yourself to the kitchen. You had a slight quirk at the end of your lips, an amused smile, you hoped Bucky didn’t see in the dark. Maybe he did, you didn’t really have enough time to ask him the deets on the effects of the serum. 

You swing open the cabinet door and grab a trash bag and first aid kit. God only knows how bent out of shape bucky is tonight. Making your way back into your living room, Buckys still muttering under his breath about your stupid plant and “god dammit it's fucking freezing out there.”

throwing the trash back at him, he looks up at you. His eyes are beautiful. His hair is sopping wet and you were hoping to any god above that he wasn't bleeding out on your floor. You were not losing your security deposit for your reckless runaway assassin soulmate. God, that's a mouthful, you need to give him a new nickname.

 “So, what's the damage?”

“s’ nothing, I'm just cold. It started raining hard.” he looks like a wet shaking dog. Your heart aches.

You look him up and down. Noticing the water dripping from all his clothing. “I see that.”

You sigh and take a few steps toward him. Bucky eyes follow your moments precisely. He has a bit of a staring problem. You snag the hair tie off your wrist and swiftly tie his brunette wet mop of a head into a little man bun. Cute. you shake your head.

“Stay, I'll be right back.”

Bucky watches you in awe as your body ascends back into the darkness of the room and around a corner. He's uncomfortable and his socks are wet. The leather vest is wet and he feels like he's trapped in his own skin, and Bucky feels too heavy. 

Slowly, he begins to unstrap all weapons on his body and toss them to the side so you don't have to see them. You didn't like guns. He had a designated place where he hides them because god-forbid Bucky messes up your apartment aesthetic with his dozen of unsettling and quite scary weapons. Your words, not his.

Unzipping the leather top and peeling the fabric off himself was less than a nice feeling, it made him cringe and sent a quick shiver down his spine. Bucky tossed it to the side, he’ll deal with that tomorrow. His hands feel the thin black shirt that's left, it's wet too. Fucking hell. He doesn’t remember the New York weather being this bad in September, he also barely remembers anything so his memory isn’t too reliable. Bucky slowly peels the fabric over his head, he hopes he doesn't mess up the bun you did, he never did it right.

Bucky hears your feet pad against your floor. He pushes back a smile. You're holding a towel and some clothes. He watches you as you crouch down next to him on the floor, he notices that your eyes are squinted and your bed head is apparent. A twinge of guilt hits him now knowing he had woken you up. Bucky whispers, “I woke you up.”

You sigh, again. “I was having a bad dream anyways.”

“About?”

You inhale, scoffing to yourself. “I was being chased by Jimmy Fallon with a jar of pickles – because you know, I hate pickles – and he was yelling at me about the importance of eating vegetables, but he sounded just like my mom.”

Bucky didn’t remember who Jimmy Fallon was, “you must think you’re so amusing, don’t you?”

“Maybe.”

Bucky curls his toes and is unfortunately reminded of his very wet socks. He leans forward to untie his hefty boots. Your eyes trail along his naked back, his muscles flex and suddenly you are just a little more awake. You watch his left arm in all its glory, taking note of the ragged and scarred tissues where metal meets skin. Scratch marks are littered around the edges, and you feel sad for him, imagining how those got there. The moonlight highlights his metal arm, making it shine and look quite beautiful. You could never tell Bucky that.

“It's been a week.” you finally breathe out. Bucky freezes in place as his fingers wrap around his laces. He feels guilty again. “And you didn't leave a note this time either. I thought...”

Trailing off, you stop yourself before you say something you were going to regret. Your mind wanders, you felt so incredibly stupid right now. Truth is, you didn't agree with the whole soulmate ordeal but it seemed like ever since your unconventional first meeting with Bucky, he has stuck to you like glue. He just kept coming back and then leaving again. 

It took you many of his overnight stays and weirdly domestic mornings making scrambled eggs together and then turning into a worry machine after he leaves. You realized had grown to care for him deeply. Bucky always came back, but you were scared for the day we might not. 

Bucky is– literally, a lost puppy. He had been on the run and actively avoiding the few stray agents that knew he was still alive when he met you. 

Bucky remembered back when he was a kid, dreaming about the day he would meet his soulmate. He and Steve would stay up all night talking about their soul marks, or just words (as they used to call it), and what they thought their soulmates would be like. Bucky was obsessed and simply put, a hopeless romantic. 

Then Steve met his soulmate, Peggy. And then he technically died and Hydra happened, Bucky thought his soulmate would have been dead because he was out of his time now. After being brainwashed and having been broken and put back together by Hydra, Bucky could still never shake the feeling of you still being out there, it was like some instinctive feeling in his bones, he had hope and it was one of the only things keeping him going. 

And he was right.

Bucky had many doubts when he first met you, given his situation. But you were not scared. And that was enough for him at the time.

But now he just feels guilty for giving you the burden of being his soulmate. He was trying, really.

“I'm sorry, doll.” his voice didn't sound like his own, he shrugged the rest of his boot off and followed with his socks. Finally. “I should have left a note. I'm safe, you're safe, and I'm here now.” 

Bucky heard you sniffled and you turned your head with an embarrassment look and glossy eyes. Like you were ashamed for caring.

“sweetheart...” he scooted closer, hoping you wouldn't mind his damp skin on yours. Bucky reached for you, wrapping his flesh hand around yours and giving you a small squeeze. Your head turned to him, a small smile hidden on your face by the darkness of the room. He saw it. Bucky might even think you're an angel. “I won't leave without saying something next time, I'm sorry.”

“Do I even want to know what you were doing out there?”

He hated lying to you but his life was complicated. “Just trying to fix some things I did.”

You nod. “Good.”

The silence between the two of you isn't uncomfortable, the past few months have been silent– at least with bucky. He is your soulmate. He is also the winter soldier, and the winter soldier is always moving and hiding. Bucky Barnes is always moving, always. He had been that way even way back in the Howling Commandos. 

You were his safe haven. Your relationship was on and off but your bond was strong, it was wordless and tentative and strung together by patching wounds at midnight and soft, domestic glances over coffee. Your house– just you were his place where he could just stop, pretend as if nothing mattered and sit on the couch and watch reality television that you loved. Bucky found it questionable but you said “it will help you get with the times.” Bucky just watched it because he knew it made you happy. 

Bucky Barnes had been moving all week, fast. He had almost died, twice. He was never going to let you know that though. Bucky was due for some Hell's Kitchen or dance moms. He was also not going to tell you that. 

The moonlight was fading and you could hear the faint sound of birds chirping outside, barely silenced by the bustling city life of people leaving for work. You are still sitting next to Bucky, and you nudge him with your elbow. His attention is now drawn to you. You bite your bottom lip, a horrible habit you had, bucky hated it. Bucky brings his thumb up to your face and pulls your lip away from your teeth. He wants to kiss you.

“Go take a shower, you stink.” That works too. He smiles and you laugh. Yeah, Bucky thinks he can stop for just a little longer this time.

-

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Tag list : @ivywasmaroon @ozwriterchick @slytherinambitious @wintermischief

[bcisaidso]

I have got a hilson/House MD fic idea, so if anyone wanna give this a try, please go ahead, and inform me so I can read it.

It's a soulmate AU, whenever your soulmate is born, the first sentence they will ever utter to you will be tattooed to your skin in their handwriting. So most people get their soul mark within 5 years, but House keeps waiting for his. His mum tells him that for some people it can be a little later, but he's always worried he might be one of those people who for some reason don't have soulmates.

House finally gets a soul mark when he's 10 years old, on his right thigh, written in an almost illegible handwriting, "You paid my bail?" House adored his soul mark, staring at it for hours at times, eagerly waiting for his soulmate to be with him, so that he's finally not alone.

Fast forward to 25 years later, a guy holding an unopened envelope, and repeatedly fidgeting with his ring, has been capturing House's attention again and again for some reason. House finally decided to follow him to the bar, as he had nothing better to do there anyway.

The mirror breaking thing happen, and police arrived taking Wilson with them, on their way out, when Wilson passed House, he immediately realised its his soulmate, and uttered "Interesting." He also realised the man is married, and probably getting a divorce.

He bailed Wilson, Wilson uttered his first words to house. They were best friends from that day. House wanted to tell Wilson about the Soulmate thing, but the timing was not right, as he just got out of a marriage. Few months later, when they were drinking and watching TV together, House broached the subject, asking Wilson if he believes in Soulmate.

Wilson said he doesn't care about it much as it doesn't make sense. Wilson dragged down his collar, and right over the left side of his chest, written in a clean Hand writing is "Interesting". He explained he finds it so confusing, doesn't even keep count after 2-3rd time someone spoke this word to him, after being disappointed again and again, he just gave up. He also added that the entire soulmate thing sounds scamming to him, because how could universe decide a person is perfect for you before you even met the person. He would rather take his own chances with his love life. House never tried to talk about it again.

A few months later, Wilson started dating Bonnie, and soon got married. House dated Stacy for few years, then infarction happened. He said he would rather die than have his thigh mangled. Stacy knew it was because of the soul mark, she did not know it was Wilson's, but had accepted that her boyfriend cares about his soulmate a lot. Cuddy in the picture, asking Stacy to sign off on the operation, she did. And the thigh would be scarred, with the mark no more understandable at all.

Wilson saw the mark while taking care of house but as it was no more readable, he could not figure out what it said. He was always there for house, because of which, he started neglecting Bonnie, resulting in their divorce. After Bonnie, he slowly started to realise he has feelings for house, but he knew how much House cared for his soulmate, even though it made no sense to Wilson. Wilson was sure House would always choose his Soulmate over Wilson, like he chose them over Stacy.

Now I don't know what happens next. Whether house will confess, whether Wilson will figure out on his own, Whether Wilson will get married to his third wife first.

[morlock-holmes]

I've been chewing on this story from New York Magazine, whose financial advice columnist just got scammed out of $50 large by a group of scumbags.

The reactions have been sort of divided between vicious mockery and "Anybody can fall victim to scams on a bad day" and I find myself somewhere ambivalently in the middle.

How can I say this... I think I would need to be having a much worse day than this woman was in order to fall for a scam like this. In particular, it really seems like a financial advice columnist ought to have a much more solid confidence about the fact that enormous personal financial transactions like this don't ever need to happen in the span of a single phone call over a few hours.

But I don't agree with the attitude of "Come on, this is what happens when you're gullible" because, honestly I think that when people start believing that on a big scale that scams like this become easier to pull, rather than harder.

This particular scam is, I think, much easier to pull on people who are paranoid about the trustworthiness of institutions and feel that we live in a world where gullible people are rapidly and harshly punished.

One thing you'll see throughout the article is that the scammers will say something authoritative, and Cowles won't really know if it's true or not:

“I completely understand,” he said calmly. He told me to go to the FTC home page and look up the main phone number. “Now hang up the phone, and I will call you from that number right now.” I did as he said. The FTC number flashed on my screen, and I picked up. “How do I know you’re not just spoofing this?” I asked. “It’s a government number,” he said, almost indignant. “It cannot be spoofed.” I wasn’t sure if this was true and tried Googling it, but Michael was already onto his next point.

Or

My head swam. I Googled my name along with “warrant” and “money laundering,” but nothing came up. Were arrest warrants public? I wasn’t sure.

Or

 I was embarrassed, like I’d left my fly unzipped. How could I have been so thoughtless? But also — didn’t everyone use the airport Wi-Fi?

or

I knew I should probably talk to a lawyer or maybe call the police, though I was doubtful that they would help. What was I going to say — “My identity was stolen, and I think I’m somehow in danger”? I had no proof.

Here's the core of the scam, where you're hooked or not:

“If you talk to an attorney, I cannot help you anymore,” Michael said sternly. “You will be considered noncooperative. Your home will be raided, and your assets will be seized. You may be arrested. It’s your choice.” This seemed ludicrous. I pictured officers tramping in, taking my laptop, going through our bookshelves, questioning our neighbors, scaring my son. It was a nonstarter. “Can I just come to your office and sort this out in person?” I said. “It’s getting late, and I need to take my son trick-or-treating soon.” “My office is in Langley,” he said. “We don’t have enough time. We need to act immediately. I’m going to talk you through the process. It’s going to sound crazy, but we must follow protocol if we’re going to catch the people behind this.”

The scammer in this script is trying to get you to have two feelings, the first is "I don't understand what's going on" and the second is, "If I act without understanding what's going on something really terrible will happen to me."

The person who thinks, "Gullible and ignorant people get in lots of trouble because of their own ignorance, I can't let that happen, even though I'm confused" is far more likely to buy into the scammer's threats of dire consequences and actually get scammed.

This scam script actually relies on the mark believing that it's very dangerous to be gullible or ignorant, that doing so will get them into trouble. But since they are also convinced that they don't have the information that would allow them to make a good decision, they cede decision-making power to the scammer.

Instead, it's the person who thinks, "This feels like a scam. I could be totally wrong about that, but that's okay, being wrong this way and acting on it can't do me any harm" who hangs up on the scammer, calls an official government number, and finds out that they're being scammed.

When people live in a state where they reflexively mistrust institutions, and feel that acting from a place of ignorance or confusion is likely to get them into really big trouble that they can't get out of, I really think it becomes easier to scam people this way, not harder.

[linaharutaka]

gen question but isnt dedegoon or dedesuka or whatevr a proship? ive seen some ppl calling it a proship cuz its abusive but your bio says proship dni so idk if its ok to ship or what (sorry im new to this)

hiya! thank you for your ask! it isnt and heres why

first of all i am /Not/ proship. i am not anti-anti or whatever either. what drives me to ship them is the fact theyre friends who like to be in each other's company. i like their sweet moments together. they bond over scamming an innocent population and bullying children. they're partners in crime. theyre besties who talk shit about others as a hobby.

i also don't think theyre already dating. i look at their relationship and im like. you guys have some kind of weird crush on each other and you're also selfish assholes. they're in the world's worst situationship.

"but dedede whacks escargoon a lot!" not only does escargoon get physical towards him too (the dynamic starts shifting in the dentist episode) but his "punishments" are often for a reason. escargoon is often very mean to dedede. in almost every episode he calls him hopeless or stupid or ugly or anything like that. and that gets him a whack. if i were dedede i'd do that too! it'd piss me off! having my lackey who i pay and who i consider my best friend insult me so overtly over and over LOL. but does escargoon ever try and stop him his evil doing? hell no! the guy helps him and gives him advice and ideas! he is NOT a good guy either. he loves being mean! he literally says it!

of course escargoon cares a loy about him. pretty sure everyone is aware. i don't even need to compile all the times he runs after him or worries about his well being. one time he "left" after he realised he'd have to do all the waddle dee's chores and didn't want to do his job. guess who's shown tearing up when seeing what poor state dedede is in after being left all on his own. he's always protecting him and defending him (sometimes backhandedly) from other people. he holds dedede dear. it's obvious he does. he's an old man, he's not being manipulated into liking dedede. he genuinely cares about the guy.

there are episodes where they bicker a lot but end up getting along, episodes where they're the best of friends and episodes focused on their resentment against one another. the show kind of yoyos with their relationship. it's not really anything to take seriously. if you get offended from their interactions you'd get a heart attack from watching looney tunes. the back and forth of their dynamic is part of the fun!

I *highly* recommend watching the original version of the show as the dub often replaces sweet lines they share with jokes that don't really hit the mark. it's a shame. (however i will give the dub some credit on occasion)

Actually, i have a [post] that compiles a lot of sweet screenshots of them together. it doesnt include the times where they hold on to each other in the cannons or in the whispy woods episode or when esxargoon said "isnt this strange? can't you feel we're striving apart?" and dedede says "what! that's ridiculous!" in a lighthearted voice. or when escargoon makes a joke about a late night drive being romantic and dedede just? laughs in agreement? there's a scene where they call each other stupid in the most friendly way ever. i actually have a handy twitter of fun scenes where escargoon gets away with some things (doesn't include when escargoon yells at him in the fireworks episode or orders him in episode 69), like saying *he's* actually the one in power because dedede isn't competent enough to reign. or dedede understanding escargoon's concerns of him becoming dumber than he is already.

they're just villains who are attached to each other and are a team no matter what.

escargoon protects dedede a lot, and he cares about him more than what his job entails, but people tend to forget he's got a special place in dedede's heart too.

dedede keeps an album of pictures they took together. he never threatens to fire him and, as far as i know, never even cuts his salary and is the only one in the castle to even have a bonus. he shares the food he keeps from the waddle dees with him in episode 93. he clarifies he doesnt want knuckle joe's monsters to attack either of them. he's fine spending large amounts of money on him. twice? he never calls him ugly somehow. he even thanks him for having put up with him for so long and serving him well when the world is about to end. and then he clings unto him because he's scared of dying alone. his way of showing affection is not the "im crying because i think you're in danger" type of way that escargoon shows a lot but it's there.

Of course i don't think they're perfect gay rep. that's literally so stupid. you think im gonna look at two dumbasses who are bitter towards one another from what, a parodic, satirical children's anime from the early 2000s, and go "hmm yes this is what every queer couple should aspire to be this is peak lgbt rep"

If we're gonna talk about them how about we talk about some issues this show has that no one ever addresses. the colorism of the uv episode that is not put into question, not even by tiff, the moral compass. the rising sun imagery that is very much intentional as dedede is a caricature. the fatphobia? the fact kirby calls kawasaki and nagoya homos??? straight up???

people often blame episode 88, and yeah, it's not my favorite episode either. everyone's weird in that episode, not just dedede! yabui is far from empathetic, even the ebrums are disrespectful, and escargoon taunts dedede into chasing him for laughs and teases him about his old age. even at the end he teases him. i think it's one of those episodes that you just have to blame on the writers kinda like 89 (for example this one has got the right message but the execution is painful to watch. poor tiff.)

now, if 88 had changed their relationship it'd be a different matter. there are some sweet moments they share outside of their general "partners in crime" dynamic past episode 88 in my post actually! my favorite is the one where dedede has his arm around escargoon who's curled up like a cat while they're sleeping and the waddle dees are tucking them in from episode 91. it makes me so happy.

i could probably talk so, so much more about them. they're a huge comfort to me. however i don't trust just anyone with them. i am very much aware some people like them for the wrong reasons. but if you have a brain you can see where i'm coming from.

the show makes fun of them because they're evil, self-centered cowards. not because they're "gay" or anything like that. i saw someone call them queerbait one time and i had to log off for a minute.

anyway, to answer your question, people who do not recognize their genuine attachment to one another are bound to have a twisted view of them. i don't like dedegoon because they're "toxic" or awful to each other. but because they're each other's best friends. that's all. it's fine if you don't ship them, too. i just hope i can prove to people that they do matter to each other and that they're friends :)

[sebari-1004]

Uk supermarket tierlist because I saw a TikTok and their tierlist was simply wrong so here is mine

1. Lidl, cheap and not as crowded as Aldi. Very similar stuff but with a better overall vibe. Love Lidl <3 Get the app for shopping and get your partner in crime to get the app too but only use one of yours, every season or so they’ll hand out £5 off vouchers if you���re not a regular user of the app. The cat treats are good too. They’ve recently increased their cat food selection to have some more common brands now which is good too. Their own brand licki licks are the best bang for your buck on the market and highly worth trying for picky cats or cat meds.

2. Aldi, go there if you can’t go to Lidl. It’s too loud and crowded for me and the queues are annoying. I’m honestly not a fan. The queues remind me of primarks a Saturday. The stuff is cheap though

3. Sainsburys, go there when you’re feeling fancy ✨ genuinely though I go there once every so often for a special shopping experience. The blueberries are MASSIVE. Don’t get scammed by the garlic chives though, they’ll register as 2.25 but they’re actually £2.00. They have a decent cat food selection, a lot of fancier stuff too like Blink and scrumbles.

4. Asda, you go here when you need some specific and Aldi / Lidl don’t sell it. The vibes are fine, it’s not too crowded but it’s realll expensive for somewhere that used to be affordable, thanks for that one rishi (you don’t deserve my capital letters, you improper noun). The cat food selection here is okay but should be better. There’s not much range here but they have your classics like whiskas and felix.

5. Home bargains, SO MUCH FUN. Like fuck actually getting groceries, this is the trip of a lifetime. Don’t go there too often cause the novelty will wear off but god damn if the shit isn’t cheap and handy. Good for the occasional stroll, recommend going once every 6 months for funsies. You can go more often if you’re rich like that but we can’t afford that in this household. Limited cat food options, a lot of weirder unknown brands and paste texture cat food which hashbrown refuses to eat.

6. Morrisons is here next for sentimental value. Also breakfast was good here as a child and I like how much stuff they have. I like their cat food range but it’s not as good as Sainsburys.

7. Tesco, my fellow brits will hate me for this one but I don’t like the vibes of Tesco. The people there are just as poor as me but give off the vibe of feeling too proud to go to Lidl, like suck it up, the red bell peppers are 59p and the ones at my Lidl are huge. I weigh them sometimes for fun and they’re around 300grams, just go to Lidl. Decent selection of cat food too and they do seem to care about the price and affordability of it.

8. Green Co op, stuffs hella expensive for some reason and you can’t use the green co op card in the blue co op and vide versa which is really annoying but my sister likes going here so it’s eighth. The sweet selection is fine though.

9. Blue co op, we don’t need blue co op

10. Marks and Spencers, bomb cookies and gift stuff. Not much else, too expensive and we aren’t here living the lavish life.

Dishonourable mentions

11. Iceland, decent cakes but why go here when the range sells them too and the range is so much more fun to look through

12. Waitrose, who can afford this and why haven’t we eaten them for sustenance yet???

[rivetgoth]

Tbh on the topic of college, I am always gonna be thee biggest proponent of community college as a pathway to higher education for those who desire it. It’s such a scam that it’s not talked about more often and the vehement classism associated with it is just wild. I was an extremely mentally unwell teenager whose grades tanked in the latter half of high school, I switched schools and still struggled, and then graduated at age 17… I don’t necessarily think I could’ve gotten into any kind ov “dream school” right out of hs nor would I have been ready to, but going the community college route meant I was able to pay out of pocket for the first 2.5 years of school, I was able to take my classes slowly and experiment around with what I liked without it literally putting me in debt for the rest of my life, I had the time to start participating in clubs, get a job and start saving money, got my associates for transfer, AND I didn’t have to take a single standardized test to get into my dream university :) I left community college with a 3.9 GPA, a scholarship, a full resume, off to my dream city…

It genuinely feels sickening to me how much it’s looked down on as an option. About a fourth of UCLA students are transfers but the stigma against transfer students and community college was massive. I genuinely enjoyed my time at UCLA but the absolute worst part of the experience was the way people talked about community college. So many UCLA students were spoiled rich kids who were paying their way through like $50k tuition and recoiled in horror at the thought of needing to take out a loan. On “transfer day” (special event for newly admitted transfers to come explore the campus for the first time, get info about the program, meet and greet with faculty, clubs and job fair, etc) the speaker gave a whole speech like “People may judge transfer students but we support you and we know the stereotypes aren’t true!” and having never been to a 4 year before I was like… huh? But it was SO BAD dude. I remember having coworkers at the campus tutoring job I worked make comments about how “they could always tell if a paper was written by a transfer student.” I’d be like What do you mean? and they’d go on about how Oh well you know, transfer students just don’t know what they’re doing, their writing is less skillful, they aren’t as experienced… and I’d be like Well I’m a transfer and they’d IMMEDIATELY back down like “oh I don’t mean people like you though.” One of my professors gave a whole speech in the first quarter I was there after our midterm like “Now I know it’s the fall quarter and there may be some new transfers here and this is probably the first midterm you’ve had on a four year university campus, if your grade isn’t what you expected DON’T feel bad, it’s a learning experience and many transfers don’t understand the rigor it takes to get high marks here…” I GOT 100% DUDE!! Not just on the paper but I had one of the highest final grades in the class, so high that my prof actually waived the final paper for me and a small group of other students with the highest marks in the class LOL!! Stuff like this happened alllll the time. I can remember like so many little instances of someone talking about how community college and transfer students themselves just Weren’t As Good, capable, smart, etc as traditional students.

I graduated UCLA with a 3.8 GPA, so my GPA went down by .1 point between community college and four year university. While saving tens of thousands of dollars lol. I don’t really feel like I struggled particularly hard at all, I didn’t feel unprepared, and I honestly enjoyed socializing with my community college peers more than my UCLA peers. I felt a lot of solidarity with all of the transfer students I met in my classes and while working, even the ones struggling more than me. At my tutoring job when I was working with a student who mentioned they were a transfer and I told them I was too their eyes would light up! It was genuinely a really nice connection. But it blows my mind that it was partially formed out of this almost necessary solidarity via the weird fucking way people viewed it. I feel like community college was a huge part of where I started to turn my life around and get my shit together. It was not perfect but it gave me opportunities I never would’ve had otherwise. It’s very obviously classism and it’s very obviously just blatantly false—The whole idea that you’re “less prepared” for college by GOING TO COLLEGE than being a fresh-out-of-high-school 18 year old who took a couple [expensive] multiple choice tests administered by third party organizations is insane. And aside from the classism element the obvious trickle down financial benefit the schools have in pushing four year university is just so nefarious. Like the money being given to the College Board (AP and SAT), ACT, Pearson, etc not to mention the universities themselves… The school district here literally has to keep track of how many 12th graders go off to 4 year universities for funding purposes, community college isn’t even considered, so there is financial gain on all sides in pushing students to rush into life altering decisions that could cost them tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars and push themselves far beyond their limits for no fucking reason and to no benefit to them. Gah I could rant about this forever but omg. If I have any freshly-graduated or about-to-graduate people following me or anyone considering going back to school after taking a break please please consider community college and fuck the haters for real.

[leviathan-supersystem]

I want to thank you for posting about how insane the effective altruism community is and how Thielian it is like 6 years ago (maybe even further back). I've been on tumblr only sparsely since then but when i heard about how the ftx billionaires were part of this thing i thought of your posts and how right they turned out to be. I bet a lot of people remember this. So much seems to have metastasized about the things you were warning about (what feels like) very early on. Thank you for braving some deeply annoying reactionary interlocutors back then and being a voice of reason

thank you, it means a lot that you say that, i do consider my investigation into lesswrong and related to be some of the best work i've ever done, and i do think that if i hadn't been there sounding the alarm on that, a lot more people on tumblr could have gotten roped into that whole scam. like i really can imagine that whole thing getting a lot uglier if i hadn't warned people.

and like when that whole saga first started, i had no idea things were going to get so wildly out of control, like the way that it all started was that me and my mutuals were getting harassed by a bunch of people with "rationalist" in their bio, and i was like "okay who the hell are these people and where are they coming from" and i honestly didn't expect there to be anything substantial. i thought the answer would just be "they came from reddit" and that's it. so i was completely blindsided when i started digging and found out all this absolutely buck-wild shit about AI cults and Thiel funding. needless to say i found a lot more dirt on them than i was anticipating.

i'm about to go into tinfoil hat territory for a minute here, but i surmise that there is a particular psy-op strategy that involves the creation of two ostensibly opposed ideological factions which in truth serve the same broader ideological goals, positioning the "conflict" between them in such a way that people are compelled to take sides, and then leading the people on either side of that "conflict" into basically the same ideological trap. so for example, in the 80's there were a bunch of televised debates between christian figures and the church of satan, and it was this whole big broader culture war thing, presented in such a way that people would be compelled to take one side or the other, but in the end both sides of that debate were pushing a right-wing ideology which was identical on the most important points (anti-egalitarian/anti-socialist/anti-democratic. i'll be getting more into detail on that in an answer to another ask, i'm cleaning out my inbox right now).

similarly, with the recent upsurge in christian populist conspiracy theorism on tumblr these days, i can't help but imagine how much worse the scenario would be if the lesswrongers had succeeded in really taking root on tumblr and harassing the communists off the site, as they were clearly trying to. like i can imagine instead of the debate on tumblr being between "bill gates is bad because he's an evil wizard trying to give us the mark of the beast" vs. "no, bill gates is bad because he exploits his workers, poisons the earth, and is hoarding land and resources, etc" we had a scenario where the lesswrongers had supplanted the communists and the debate was between "bill gates is bad because he's an evil wizard trying to give us the mark of the beast" vs. "no, bill gates is good :)." honestly too horrible to contemplate.

[fish-bowl-2]

i feel so corny for sending ppl asks all the time, but it's so dead around here. anyway what is your favorite and least favorite thing about each of the eds?

Hiiii and please NO WORRIES about sending asks. I love talking about these guys sm 😭😭 I take any excuse to do so gladly.

Ed: - He's a big sweetheart. I feel like this is commonly re-iterated, but I really love how direct and "in-tune" he is to his emotions, even if they manifest in extremes. He loves his friends, and lets them know about it all the time! - Despite this, understanding the nuances of his friends feelings seems to come kind of difficult. If he finds something amusing/funny he will not take much notice of how that affects those around him. A good example of an episode displaying this is "X Marks The Ed" where he really doesn't seem to acknowledge how bothered Eddy is about getting a zit. There are plenty other examples of this in later seasons, but I specifics are not coming to mind atm. It can be kind of frustrating to watch, but I don't hold it doesn't feel intentional or with another incentive. Delayed social awareness is something common with a lot of people, and especially kids.

Edd: - I think credit needs to be given on just HOW often Edd puts himself into the confrontational position of defending/standing up for his friends. I mean, in BPS it is obviously a big deal, but it is not, per say, an isolated incident. Pretty often throughout the show he is the one apprehended by the other kids to "apologize" for Ed and Eddy. He's regularly put in the position of mediator. I wouldn't say he is willing to be in these positions, but he still ends up taking the reins. It is so fun to watch since Eddy clearly has a better hand at sociability whereas Edd is an awkward mess. Yet here he goes again having to defend his friends (Eddy) from the witch hunt. - He is the DEFINITION of the 🤓 emoji like omg dude SHUT UPPP. A good portion of the time he kind of deserves getting his ass handed to him when he is being too intolerable. Granted, he is an enjoyable kind of annoying for a character (at least to me). I can laugh at him because he reminds me way too much of how I used to talk/act in elementary and middle school. In a way it is a little cathartic. I love characters who are a little over-their-head and egotistical. It is a Frasier and Niles Crane appeal (if anyone gets that reference).

Eddy: - Dude is so creative...I mean just look at a majority of these scams. I know the other two also play a role in constructing and conceptualizing them, but a lot of them definitely originate from Eddy. Like, the goal is making money, but the effort and variety is insane. A different thing in almost every episode. IN COMBINATION usually with an over-zealous performance. An argument is to be made that he has a lot of legitimate fun carrying these out. - His fickle tendency to kind of treat his friends like shit. I mean...Ed and ESPECIALLY Edd are guilty of this as well. There are quite a few episodes where I'm just like "come on. Did Eddy really deserve this?" But, in all honesty, he can be pretty mean-spirited in the way that a lot of preteen boys are. With his tendency to push buttons and take advantage of the other Eds weaknesses, he is seriously lucky they are just as codependent to him, as he ultimately is to them.

[gettingfrilly]

oh and 2, 10, 23, 28 for Kevin 👀

2. When I think I truly started to like them

When I first watched the show as a kid, I liked him for all the same reasons I liked the other kids: he's hilarious. They all are. As an adult, I appreciate the dynamic he adds to the group. Other than him and Sarah, most of the kids will give the Eds the benefit of the doubt and be fairly friendly with them up until the Eds earn their scorn. Having Kevin (and Sarah, though Kevin being the sort of leader of the other kids makes his hatred of the Eds more influential to the direction of each episode) there to immediately doubt and suspect the Eds adds some realism to the show. And what good cartoon about the lives of kids doesn't have a bully? And he's not a two dimensional bully, either. Like every other kid in the show, he's got other shit going on that the writers explore, which is one of the best parts of eene. His awkward and flailing relationship with Nazz even tho he's supposed to be the "cool kid" is just so real and funny. And his friendship with Rolf, who a character like Kevin would typically bully in other cartoons, shows that Kevin isn't just out here to pick on kids who are different. You've got to earn his dislike to some extent. Also there's his "rivalry" with Eddy, which fuels a lot of really fucking funny episodes. He reminds me a bit of the bully characters in Hey Arnold. He's not just there to be an asshole every episode. There's more to him.

10. Describe them in one sentence

Stale end piece of white bread 🍞

23. Future headcanon

Nazz dumps him after she goes away for college and he becomes one of those people who never leaves the town they grew up in. He's pretty happy remaining in Peach Creek though. He's still got Rolf to hang with.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Smile for the Ed. No explanation needed. Unlike most people, though, I really like this episode lol. It's funny and very in character for Kevin and Eddy, and feels a bit like comeuppance for the booster shot scam. And I like episodes where Eddy is a genuine victim, like x marks the Ed. And a certain sock hatted someone usually sticks up for him in such episodes.

[misc-obeyme]

yooo it’s ur weeb friend!!

lmao so asmo got banned from peru (and probably greece after the incident with helen BUT that’s water under the bridge) and levi got banned from japan for being too cringe-fail (the americans are already enough, NO MORE) but what about the others?

i feel like beel got banned from ireland after causing the great potato famine and from italy after eating all the pasta in the entire country once…

mammon got banned from vegas FOR SURE for causing a scene (not a country BUT he’s been banned from every casino in the US, and steadily working his way through canada and europe (starting with england) he’s making progress…

lucifer got banned from italy also for the vatican city incident. he wanted to see it cause he’d heard so much about it. no one is allowed to talk about it…but the brothers will tell you about it later if you want to know.

belphie and diavolo got banned from all of africa because due to a mix up they got blamed for spreading the sleeping sickness and malaria respectively (they didn’t actually do it but can’t seem to escape the allegations)

i think solomon got banned from mexico and all of south america and is the cause behind a lot of the superstitions based on devils/the occult there. people run from him in fear. he claims to not know why but you know there’s a reason. you can try to ask someone but they’re all too busy fleeing in terror.

barbatos claims he got banned from russia and china. no one knows why, not even diavolo. it’s one of the mysteries that he’s very secretive about, but legend has it that it’s related to something he did before he joined forces with diavolo.

i also think asmo got banned from india and some regions of france as well as various other european countries like spain and scotland but the stories behind those pretty much revolve around a party, drinking, and members of nobility. and they’re usually so long and crazy and asmo is always insistent he did nothing wrong and will leave out parts of the story to make himself sound good BUT if you’re a real history buff you can usually sus out what actually happened. or get him drunk. he always has loose lips when he drinks.

satan got banned from the americas (specifically north america) due to his rebellious streak/temper tantrum days resulting in the satanic panic. mostly caused by americans being rude and making him angry. he’s also a basis for a lot of mexico/south american superstition, though somehow…not as much as solomon?

just my silly lil ideas i wanted to share! what are your thoughts?? 🤔🤔🤔

Hello there, my friend!!

al;dskjfasdlksfj Beel causing the potato famine looool!

I definitely think they all have the potential to get banned for causing specific issues. Definitely Beel eating all of everything, Mammon causing trouble at casinos, and Asmo just getting drunk and partying too much.

I also think Mammon would be banned for doing something like insurance fraud. I don't know why but that just seems like something he'd get himself into. Or maybe it turns out he's the mastermind behind all the internet email scams asking you to send them thousands of dollars.

I think Lucifer has to be extra careful because uh... he's Lucifer. You would think he'd be banned from the Vatican before he ever even showed up there. Satan, too. Just stay away from religious locations when the religion in question considers you to be the source of evil, okay?? Though I would absolutely demand the story from the other brothers about the incident lol.

Okay see I headcanon Solomon spent a significant amount of time in the southwestern US just because he's always wearing that bolo tie lol. So I love the idea that he was also in Mexico and South America, just being the menace he always is. In the Devildom, the stuff he does isn't too weird, but can you imagine normal people in the human world encountering him and all his weird experiments? And if he was actually covered in pacts marks that look like demonic sigils? I have no doubt that he would be the source of years worth of superstitions.

I LOVE all ideas where Satan is the cause of any kind of Satantic activity anywhere. Like the Satanic panic was so ridiculous, but I love the idea of him causing it just by being angry about rude people.

I do think Satan could also have been banned from Japan - most specifically, Tashirojima where the cat population far surpasses that of the human one. Possibly also Hydra Island in Greece, which is another island known for its high cat population. I just think eventually they'd be like listen we appreciate how much you love the cats, but you need to leave now lol.

All of this seems more than enough to get any of them banned from the various human world locations they've caused trouble in. It's so funny to think about them running rampant in the human world. Lucifer out here probably acting like he'd never get banned, but he's caused his fair amount of problems, too.