#i feel i was denied critical need-to-know information

[thetremorssaga]

Next year will be in Lone Pine around July/August if you wanna get prepared early.

There is apparently a thing in Santa Fe called "TremorsFest" and

[drdemonprince]

The conversations about accountability & apologies that we've been having in social justice circles these last few years have basically trained everybody to fawn.

We've been telling people that if they are accused of any wrongdoing or of hurting anybody's feelings, it is their obligation to apologize immediately, and never to hedge, disagree, or to explain their rationale what they've done.

In their apology, we expect them to articulate every single thing that they have done that was damaging in the strongest language possible and to declare outright that they have harmed someone, often multiple groups of people, even if they are not sure of the impact (or could not even possibly be sure).

If a person's apology is anything but immediate and entirely self-excoriating, we accuse the person of downplaying the damage they have done, failing to be accountable, and manipulating others.

In this way, we've made it impossible for a person to ever take their own side lest that be taken itself as a form of wrongdoing. We have trained our fellow social-justice-minded people to believe that if they do anything but worsen the case against themselves, they are being irresponsible.

I say we, in all of this, because I have partaken in all of this rhetoric, made these kinds of criticism, given accused people this type of advice.

And I have followed it myself, often to a damaging effect.

I have taken responsibility for problems in which I truly did not believe I played a part, I've overstated the damage that I've done so as not to risk understating it, I've ascribed malice to my intentions when I knew it wasn't there, I've agreed with people's most negative, bad-faith narratives about conflicts involving me that they were not even present for, offered up information about myself that was not a third party's business in the name of transparency, apologized for things I haven't done -- and in doing all of this, I have denied my loved ones the opportunity to really hear me about what I was going through and my motivations when I was in conflict with them, things that any true friend or close associate would obviously want to hear about if they cared about me.

This aim of giving the perfect apology and taking perfect accountability has been nothing but an isolating force in my life, because it has barred me from openly entering into necessary conflict with people when our needs were incompatible or they had hurt me just as much as I'd hurt them. The fear of being a manipulative, unaccountable DARVO-er has led me to roll onto my back and expose my belly, falling over myself with panicked apologies and the most unflattering information possible cast in the least explicable light, almost outright begging for others to become angrier at me and believing that it was only way I could ever possibly be accepted back.

We've drilled into people that the way to be good and responsible is to allow people to view us as negatively as possible, to even arm others with information that will confirm that point of view, and to never insert our own perspective or needs on the matter at all.

And yeah, there are a lot of shitty people out there who dodge accountability easily because their power ensconces them from any consequences. but the primary problem with that was never that they wrote a shitty notesapp apology that used the unforgivable phrase "I am sorry if you felt XYZ." The real problem was that there was no community that held enough influence to hold them to account, and for their victims there weren't ever adequate supports or protections.

instead of addressing any of that in a remotely systematic way, we have taken to picking apart every accused person's every word and deed for evidence of inner moral failure and created a culture in which we think we can determine a person's safety by how artfully they put words together when they are under threat. and what do you know, plenty of bad faith actors and conflict avoidant cowards and people who just dont understand what they are even being accused of can do that just fine.

[furiousgoldfish]

How free are you? A Poll

Instructions: If the answer to the question is 'yes', give yourself 1 point. If the answer is 'no', take 1 point away. If the answer is 'maybe', or 'I don't know', or 'unsure', don't add any points.

Can you wear whatever you want, without having to explain yourself or worry about getting berated for it?

Can you choose what to do with your own time, without having anyone criticize or guilt you for it?

Can you choose what you eat every day, or at least reject the food you don't want to eat?

Do you have access to food that is nourishing, healthy and unlikely to cause any health issues in the long term?

Can you choose freely who you spend your time with, without reprecussions?

Can you choose what you do for a job? Can you change it without severe consequences for your financial stability?

Are you allowed to go wherever you please, if your finances allow for it?

Do you have a community of people you're connected to, who have the same or similar beliefs and circumstances as you do?

Do you have a network (or a family) of people who you consider to be 'your people', who accept you and care about you?

Will you be okay and taken care of in case of illness, injury, incident or a disaster?

Can you choose your own religion, or reject a religion, without severe social consequences?

Do you have knowledge of your basic human rights, and are you informed on what to do if some of these rights get violated?

Can you go about life without ever worrying about physical violence occuring from a person you know and are around?

Can you go about life without worrying about physical violence coming from a stranger?

Can you walk the planet without being self-conscious of your body and how you're perceived, and being objectified or devalued because of it?

Do you feel safe and comfortable in most of the places you exist in?

Can you get by without taking special measures, such as hiding, lying, escaping, locking yourself in, avoiding certain places and activities, avoiding certain people, changing your name, in order to be safe in the world?

Do you have safe access to communication with people you want to communicate with?

Can you access the money you need without having to ask or explain why you need it?

Do you feel safe that your basic physical needs, such as food, clothing, sanitary items, tools, shelter and utilities are and will stay accessible to you?

Do you have secure access to healthcare, without having to severely worry about the financial aspect of it, or about someone barring you from access?

Do you have reliable information about your own health, and about how the activities you do might affect it, both for better and for worse?

Are you allowed to change your mind about how you feel about the issues in the world, your own circumstances, people around you, your faith and your politics, without being outcasted from your group of peers?

Can you go trough life without worrying about a hate crime being committed against you, both by people you know and strangers?

Is your health and physical state of body stable enough to work a full time job?

Can you secure enough money to live comfortably, without your physical or psychological health suffering and deteriorating for it?

Can you comfortably communicate your needs, feelings, problems, struggles and affection to others, when you want to?

Can you speak your mind most of the time, without worrying about reprecussions?

Can you be open about your interests, hobbies, beliefs, sexuality, identity, politics and relationships with most of the people around you?

Can you comfortably speak about the circumstances and facts of your life, without being corrected or denied to name some of them?

Can you recognize when a choice has been taken away from you, and things have been decided for you? If yes, can you also walk away from this, and refuse to take on the consequences?

Can you comfortably place blame on the people who have caused you distress and pain in your life, without any pushback or criticism for doing so?

Do you have support, knowledge and resources you need in order to deal with grief and tragedy?

Can you feel comfortable and at ease around all people you are around with?

Can you freely confront a person in your life who has attempted to cause injustice to you, even if that person is in position of authority to you? Do you feel safe and able to do so?

Can you freely choose your sexual partner(s), or refuse any you don't want without having to worry about their feelings, assault, your financial situation or your safety?

Can you choose freely to undo any consequences sex had on your body, if you don't want it to be happening to you?  (abortion rights, skip if it doesn't apply to you)

Can you break up your relationships, parental bonds and marriages to other people without having to worry about survial, physical safety or keeping a roof over your head?

Do you have information and resources to immediately recognize red flags of being lured into a scam, exploitative work, grooming, abuse, sexual abuse, cults, human trafficking, or similar situations?

Can you live without being severely affected by human made-disasters, such as wars, chemical damage to the environment, mass destruction and shootings?

Ideally, in a functional society, a human being should have all of these freedoms. I understand for most, if not all of us, to have every single of these points is impossible. If you are in the negative points, your situation is dire and freedom has been stripped from you to the inhumane level. For reference, the score I got for this was 9! 39 or 40 would be the ideal, which I don't believe anyone will get.

If your answer is 'no', for questions about having access to information, having knowledge and resources, this isn't your fault. You are not solely responsible for figuring out every single aspect of it yourself, this should have been covered in your education and upbringing. Also, if you're underage, questions like being able to work a job, securing money and choosing sexual partners do not apply to you, you should instead be protected from having to worry about any of that until you reach the adulthood or age of consent. If you are having to worry about any of that, the answer is automatically no. If you have no worries about that, you can give yourself a point for each of these.

Disclaimer: This poll was made by one person, using personal ideas about freedom in this world, I am sure I forgot to include many things, please do add in the comments other perils to freedom that are not mentioned here. It is not a definitive statement on human freedom, only a reference point and a source of information.

[yowumi]

Hotshot surgeon Gojo x Medical Student Reader Ft. Hotshot Surgeon Suguru [ modern au ] TW. Pregnancy & Love Triangle

shotgun wedding CH. 02 | Diagnosis

summary. Satoru Gojo, The states #1 Neurosurgeon, known for his wealthy clan. He was known for his success, parties, and his willingness to fuck anybody and everybody in a 10 mile radius. Unfortunately, one unlucky night, you make the wise decision to do what any hard working young medical student would do when faced with a sexy doctor…you sleep with him in which changes your life forever.

.

.

.

warnings. Accidental pregnancy, no protection (wrap it before you tap it), love triangle, roommates (they all live together), arranged marriage, satoru is a bit of a meanie, plot twists, angst, smut, you only end up with one.

A/N. this is my first time writing a fanfic, although i’ve always wanted to! i’m always open to take constructive criticism or any tips to make my writing better! I hope you guys enjoy and definitely lemme know if you have any suggestions, read well luv <3

keep up! // ch. 1 // ch. 2 // ch. 3 (coming soon)

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

getting used to Satoru’s house wasn’t easy, for all the woman dreaming to be feet away from him at all times should think again.

one of the major problems was the noise. he must have some type of superhuman strength on his dick or something because whenever he was home, he was using it like there was no tomorrow.

from the room over you could hear the moans from the room across the hall, soft chants almost religious screaming ‘Satoru’ and lewd comments you wish you had forgotten.

on top of that, he hated wearing clothes around the house. his poor maid is probably traumatized from the things she has seen because he is allergic to clothes when he’s at home, constantly walking around shirtless or in his boxers.

just the second day in, the creek of his door was open and you caught a glimpse of his bare ass just out in the open.

never in your life did you think a man’s ass would look edible…

although, not even Hercules himself could get that information out of you.

Suguru on the other hand was a great house mate, constantly cleaning up behind you, offering to cook for you and do your laundry.

he didn’t make noise and wouldn’t bring woman home, although he definitely used to considering satoru’s life concerning comments on how suguru has changed his habits of being a man whore since you’ve moved in.

“I wouldn’t want to cause noise for the woman, she doesn’t need more extra stress, she already has to deal with you as the baby father, satoru” he grins at his cheeky remark as satoru pouts.

one thing you couldn’t complain about though was how spacious and comfortable everything was in the house. it was no secret satoru was rich and came from money but seeing his wealth in person almost felt overwhelming.

you wake up to vomiting once again, the whole stress of the situation now has been a bit overwhelming and you can’t deny pregnancy is taking a toll on you.

your maid is holding back your hair as you vomit straight into the toilet, perhaps maybe it was from all that thinking of satoru.

“Ms. Y/n L/N, Mr. Geto has suggested you stay home from work until you feel better” she says while patting a hand on your back comfortingly.

“I should be fine, it’s nothing i can’t handle and besides, i’m in a hospital so if push comes to shove, i’m in the same building as the two of them, although i doubt anything horrible would happen. it’s nothing more than pregnancy sickness” you say reassuring her seeing the worry across her face.

you give her a comforting smile and she seems to relax just a bit.

“hey, you’ve worked her for quite some time right?” you ask

she replies with a nod, “yes ma’am”

“well…i have some concerns, i don’t know satoru or geto too well before all of this and i would like to know your thoughts on them, they are obviously playing a huge role in my life now that i’m carrying satorus child and staying here, i would just like another persons opinion on who they really are.”

she pauses for a second almost surprised you would ask her that question out of all people but to be fair, you didn’t have much options to choose from, it was either her or megumi.

[ megumi would have said to run for the hills ]

“well, i was hired by satoru when he was just barely an adult so i would have known him for about a decade by now, but my personal opinion is that he really does mean well, he’s a good person and has a big heart, he can be a handful but he means well deep down, to be fair, he is letting you stay in his house rent free-“ she catches herself in what she’s saying and she lets out a gasp,

“oh i’m so sorry miss! i didn’t mean to offend you or anything-“ she starts apologizing frantically as she bows down in apology.

you giggle at her motions and stop her from bowing “haha it’s okay, i suppose you do have a point”

she blushes at your understanding of her behavior, “when i first moved her, i didn’t have much money and made my living off of being a maid, i’ve dealt with many house owners but satoru is by far the most generous. he has helped me pay for my child’s schooling and has helped me more times i could count, i don’t know what kind of father he will be or person he will be towards you but i know he will try his best at whatever it is you need him to be…for you and your child.” she says giving you a light hearted smile, you can tell she truly means what she says.

“and suguru…?” you almost forgot, you almost feel embarrassed asking about him. after all, you didn’t really need to know about him but you were still interested…just as any other person who lives with someone new would be…right?

“oh yes, suguru! he’s a very kind man, he has lived here for about 5 years with satoru, the two seem to get along very well. he’s a generous man and very friendly although it’s hard to see his interior..” she says

“interior?” you ask now curious.

what did that mean?

“well…it’s almost like an empty smile, it’s warm and gentle and it makes you feel welcome but something about him almost feels unreal, like it’s a mask he uses to perhaps hide how really feels. even when him and satoru argue, he seems to keep his good attitude but it makes you wonder what’s really going on, you know?” she is now seeing the worry in your face as she says this and continues,

“oh but i’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about, he is a generous man and very helpful, he seems to care about you a lot nonetheless! his intentions seem very pure and kind hearted, i was just stating that he seems like he has more depth underneath his smile” she says patting your hand in comfort and you smile.

you appreciate her advice towards the boys, it almost helps you have a better understanding of the two.

*knock knock

you hear a deep voice echoing behind the door, “mind if i come in”

satoru.

your maid turns towards you looking for your approval and you nod as she opens the door for satoru to come in and he sees you on the bathroom floor.

“is everything alright in here? don’t tell me you’ve thrown up again?” he asks walking closer to bend down to speak to you.

“it’s just morning sickness, i’ll be fine” you say as your maid passes you a glass of water from your nightstand.

“hmmm” is the sound satoru makes as he thinks to himself, “you’re taking the day off today, i’ll let shoko know for you, i’ve gotta go in anyways to sign some stuff anyways” he says making a groaning noise at the mention of signing papers all day.

“yeah yeah i get it dad” you say rolling your eyes as you get up off the floor, satoru offers out his hand so you can use it to help you stand.

“will you be okay for the rest of the day, should i bring you anything back? do you need ibuprofen or something”

“some gummy bears would be nice” you say and he shoots you finger guns as he makes his way towards the gun

“you’ve got it” he says as he makes his way out with a light wave goodbye as he walks out.

a small alarm beeped from your maids watch as she seemed startled by the noise, “oh that’s lunch, i will be back here in the afternoon, if you need anything Mr. Suguru should be home soon, i suggest some rest for now” she says as she sees her way out.

this gave you time to rest up today before going back to work where you’ll have to work up the courage to tell nobara, yuji and megumi about the news.

you’ve been dodging their messages, there was probably about 200 messages from nobara and yuji themselves meanwhile there was no text or anything from megumi.

maybe he was pissed about the whole gojo thing?

after a long needed nap you wake up and the sun is already going down, no sign of gojo or suguru as the house seemed unusually quiet.

you make your way towards the kitchen and scramble for a pot to make yourself dinner on, although it seemed impossible considering satoru had a million cabinets.

you groan as your finding no sight of the pans growing frustrated before a large arm comes up behind you reaching up at one of the top cabinets that you hadn’t even acknowledged until now revealing tons of pans.

you look up and see suguru put on his signature smile as he pushes his long black bangs behind his ear, the rest being held in a bun.

“oh” you say as you look towards the pans like an idiot.

“this what you were looking for?” he says with an amused grin,

you nod and put your head down in embarrassment,

“well go on, get what you need” he leans back with arms against him as he is eager to watch you grab the pan

you then realize how high it was, that dick.

you step on your tippy toes hoping he wouldn’t notice your struggle as he lets out a soft chuckle behind you as you’ve now retorted to climbing the counters.

“you need some help over there?”

“shut up…yes”

he lets out a laugh as he brings the pan down from the cabinet.

“so that dumbass knocked you up, hm? how are you feeling about that?” he asks in a playful tone although the concern was still there.

“oh you mean how much of an honor it is to carry THE satoru gojo’s child is? just amazing, brilliant” you say sarcastically.

before you knew it time flew by in an instant talking to suguru, you guys talked about work, life and satoru.

it was dark out and you both were comfortably sat across from each other of the couch that laid in the middle of the living room, the dim light lit down on the both of you, it felt homely almost.

you and suguru were mid conversation when you heard the chaos coming from the opening front door with a loud drunk satoru with a blonde wrapped around his arm, satoru not paying attention to him nearly leaning his whole body weight on her as they walked in.

they both must have came from some sort of party because they were both dressed in fancy clothing, their outfits had to be worth someone’s house.

satoru stumbles across the kitchen searching for the alcohol in one of the cabinets, “hey suguru, where did we leave that whiskey we got back at that one party shoko threw a few years back”, he stutters over his words.

“left top cabinet above the oven, but go easy on it”

“why? you feeling greedy suguru” satoru says in a teasing tone as he finds his way back towards the woman he walked in with

“perhaps, but shoko said that’s some strong stuff, you get all bratty when your hungover darling” he remarks back at him.

satoru let’s out a laugh

your eyes turn towards the woman he’s s with in which you come eye to eye with as she’s already staring at you, she seems almost disgusted and you feel a sense of intimidation.

you weren’t jealous or anything but it was no secret that you clearly didn’t belong, they were both dressed nicely and suguru’s house clothes themself are well kept meanwhile you look like a mess

you didn’t bother to care since suguru was the only person here but being around satoru just felt…

humiliating.

you’re interrupted by your thoughts when it’s almost as if suguru reads the uncomfortable situation and places a soft comfort hand to your back, rubbing it slowly

you’re brought back by satoru’s voice once again, “hey suguru, wanna join me with this one”

it was like you weren’t even there.

the woman carrying his child and he hasn’t looked at you once let alone acknowledge that you were even in the same room as him.

the woman next to him laughs and gives suguru bedroom eyes, you look towards him to see that his eyes were staring down at his cup with a hint of annoyance as if he was embarrassed by the way satoru is acting as of now

he places a firm hand now still on your back.

“nah. she ain’t my type” he takes a sip of his coffee now grabbing the side of your waist gently, protective like

you see satoru let out a frown before noticing suguru’s hand placement, staring directly at you now.

the first time he has the whole night.

“ahhh i see. hey there” he greets you with a wave,

a wave? why the hell is he greeting you as if he hasn’t seen you before, as if you don’t live in his house, carrying his baby.

satoru continues, “is this one of your girls? damn you must’ve messed her up real bad, she looks a little beat. you alright sweetheart?” he teases but leans down to look at you examining your face.

you look down, not answering him

suguru notices your upset expression and squeezes your hand softly before standing up to look at satoru

“Satoru, why don’t you show your companion the guest house, i’m sure she would find it much more amusing” he says as he starts to lead satoru out of the house

“haha i get it, want some alone time with the lady, i wouldn’t go to hard on her, she already looks worn”

satoru says nothing as he walks them to the door before satoru turns around towards you again, “oh right, where are my manners, nice to meet ya darling”

and he left.

suguru comes back you, now kneeling in front of you

“are you okay, y/n?” he asks looking up at you for any sign of anger or tears

you nod, “yeah, think i’m ready to sleep, night” you say as you get up to walk towards your room without looking back at suguru

that night, as you lay in bed with tears staining your pillows, you wonder how you ended up here.

could you have had a child the right way? with someone you love?

why did the father have to be satoru gojo.

06:25

beep beep

the alarm goes off on your phone, not bothering to scroll down at the concerned messages sent from nobara and yuji.

still nothing from gumi.

today would be the day you would have to face them, still having no clue what to tell them exactly

the morning was quiet, not bothering to talk to anyone as you make your way out in your own vehicle as you go to work.

you are faced with yuji when you walk in, noticing your face he lets out a smile and big wave motioning for you to come his way

“hey yuji” you say as you walk up to him

“hey l/n, where the hell have you been, kugisaki has been like losing her marbles and has been taking her insanity out on me! she hits so hard” he frowns at the thought

you laugh, “sorry i’ve just been really busy lately and it’s a long story but i’ll make sure to explain to all of you when i find the time to sit down and talk with all of you today, that way she doesn’t end up shaving you in your sleep”

yujis eyes widen playfully holding a shushing finger to your mouth, “shhh! you never know when she’s listening, don’t give her ideas!” he says looking around paranoid

you’ve got to admit, you missed hanging out with the gang again, it reminded you that you were still young and distracted you from the fact that you would become a mother soon.

you made small talk with yuji as he caught you up with how things were at the hospital and with the gang,

“how is megumi? has he said anything?” you ask

“surprisingly not, i thought he would’ve made some comment by now about how you ran away to per-sue a life of becoming homeless and popping pills from the stress finally breaking you but he has been unusually quiet!”

“oh, uh-“ you were interrupted by being tapped on the shoulder behind you as you turn around being met face to face with familiar white hair,

asshole.

“hello Mr. Itadori, would you mind if i borrowed Ms. L/N from you?” he gives yuji his signature persuading smile and yuji nods

“yeah sure, my break is about over anyways but nice talking to you y/n- I MEAN UH MS. L/N!!!!” he says as he waves you off and walks away,

you turn your attention to satoru and without a word he grabs your hand to pull you

“where are we going? the hell do you want Gojo!” you ask annoyed

he pulls you aside to an empty closet and locks the door behind him with a key he had in his pants,

“what the fuck satoru? why did you lock us in here?!” you grow angry at his lack of communication.

the anger doesn’t last long because moments later you are faced with the white haired man on his knees now hugging your hips,

“i’m sorry y/n, i’m so sorry. suguru told me what happened last night and i was hammered and wasn’t thinking at all and i’m so fucking sorry, i promise i wont be bringing any of my ‘friends’ to the house anymore.” he says as he catches his breathe, leaning against your stomach leaving a small kiss on your stomach that held his baby.

“i don’t care if you bring your fuck buddies to the house, you’re a grown man, that isn’t my problem” you say not looking at him as you keep your hands to your side,

you were trying your best to keep your composure, satoru has a habit of getting exactly what he wants so his affection wasn’t gonna work on you.

“then why wont you look at me? i know we aren’t together or anything but i mean you’re carrying my child so the least i can do is respect you, and the drinking thing isn’t a thing that happens a lot i swear…i’ve just been a little stressed and worked up because this is all new…”

the way he acted wasn’t okay but you did understand this was a lot, it’s a lot on you too so you couldn’t really blame him for having a drink, you would too if you could.

“It’s okay, satoru” you say helping him get up from his knees so he can stand again and you help him fix his composure and he looks at you with a smile

the smile that could always make you forget how much of a dick head he can be sometimes.

but he meant this one.

his walkie talkie goes off as he hears his co worker stating that he’s needed in for last minute surgery

“gotta go” he says as he gives you a soft pat on the head

“be careful, if you need anything you can come to my office” and he rushes off.

work was pretty slow today, most of the patients had very minor injuries thankfully, it’s nearly the end of your shift before you get a last minute patient

“hey listen y/n, i know this is so last minute to ask but can you stay a little late today and take this last patient, i’ve got an emergency back at home, good news though! you’ll be working with kugisaki, i know how close you two are” shoko says as she smiles, “thanks again”

nobara stares at you and waits for shoko to leave,

“y/n where have you been, i’ve been texting you like a million times, i thought something serious happened to you”

“I know, i’m sorry just- i need to tell you something, i was going to wait til everyone is all together but i’ll just say it now” you say and this catches nobara’s attention as she looks at you with worry

“spill the tea, what is it?” she asks

“i’m pregnant..”

nobara pauses and you think she’s upset before her jaw nearly drops to the floor

“WHAAAAAAATTTTT???? BY WHO? OH MY GOD DID YOU HOOK UP WITH ONE OF THE MEN AT THE EVENT??? OH MY GOD I BET IT WAS SUGURU” she says invested as she begs to hear more details dying to know who the father is

“i would rather not say who but that’s why i haven’t been answering you guys texts, it’s just been a lot to take in lately” you say

and she finds her composure and hugs you

“don’t worry about it girl, i just wish you would have talked to me sooner, i wish we could’ve helped you” she says

you smile and let her know it’s okay before you make your way to meet your next patient,

you read over the information listed in your check board about the patient, the patient was minority injured in a car crash but needs to be checked for concussion

this shouldn’t take long

you look up to meet eyes with the woman from last night that was around satoru’s arm.

nobara now takes the clipboard, writing things down as she watches you examine the woman

“oh so you’re that one girl who looked sick last night with suguru, wow never would’ve guessed you would work in a place like this” she cockily laughs and nobara looks up at you with a slight hint of confusion and excitement at the mention of you being with suguru last night

“don’t know, you probably have me mixed up with someone else.” you say trying to stop this conversation before nobara gets any ideas.

“oh no i never forget a face. you know…” she scoots in closer to try and get under your skin, “i’ve never seen you around before and trust me i’m over there a lot”

you can tell she’s lying but you don’t really care enough to correct her.

“listen, i saw the way you were looking at satoru all lost puppy like and shit and i know you want him and all but me and him are kinda a thing and know each other really well and he was telling me last night about how he can’t wait til i get all swell with his kids and birth his baby, so you should probably pregnancy test me, you never know!” she says

it’s obvious she’s trying to get a reaction out of you and nobara is obviously catching on to a hint of annoyance from you but she knows not to push on or ask more, especially from a bitch like the woman sitting in front of you.

nobara figures it’s better to ask you yourself than some delusional woman who probably has a concussion.

“Ms. L/N I think we should discuss these papers, we will be just a moment, you just sit tight!” she gives the woman a fake smile before leaving the room with you

she grabs your arm and pulls you to the side,

“what am i hearing about! oh my god..geto??!!…ughhhh hes such a sweetheart! and doctor save a hoe? oh my god what about all this? you never told me you moved in girl!”

“keep your voice down nobara” and nobara giggles,

“so it’s true then!” she might as well start jumping from excitement, “oh my god this is like the stuff you see in movies, i’m high key jealous of you rn!” she says as she pokes your arm and you roll your eyes playfully at her

“yeah yeah whatever, what about the woman’s results?”

“oh yeah, she doesn’t have a concussion although she may be a tad bit delusional” she says and you both laugh

“could you walk her out? yuji has been waiting in the parking lot for like an hour complaining”

“yeah, no problem” you say

you both go your separate ways as you are now walking the woman to the entrance as she blabbers on about the details of satoru gojo, as if you cared to know more about the famous satoru gojo. not like you were carrying his child or anything

you both make your way to the checkout desk when you see satoru walk towards you both in his formal work attire rather than the scrubs he was wearing earlier, hes wearing black shoes and dress pants with a blue button up shirt, leaving the top buttons undone

the classic sexy doctor get up

the woman next to you waves at him trying to get his attention and he formally waved at her as he would any patient

“hey Mr. Gojo, last night was amazingggg!” she draws her words out and satoru looks confused and nods and waves her off wishing her a nice day

did he not remember her?

“Y/n, when does your shift end? we should ride home together, suguru and i came together but he left early so do you mind?” he asks turning his attention fully towards you

you see the woman give off a small scoff of jealousy as she marches away

“my shift ends now and yeah sure” you say bluntly

as you both walk silently to the car. watching his tall shadow trail behind you, your curiosity gets the best of you.

“did you uh get her pregnant” you stop in your tracks,

he stops to stand in front of you and gives you a look of confusion, “huh? uh i got you pregnant if that’s what you mean but you know that already obviously so..” he lets out a nervous laugh,

“no uh i mean the girl just now, like um did you uh…finish inside of her…?” you don’t know why you felt so nervous asking about this, was it really your place to ask if he got another woman pregnant? “she said y’all are a thing and you were talking to her about how you can’t wait for her belly to get swell and for her to birth your baby? did you get her pregnant?” you continue, not being able to hold eye contact with him

“oh uh i had no clue who that girl is, must have been a one time thing, pretty sure i just picked her up from a bar, but uh no i didn’t finish inside, pulled out..” he sounds nervous and a little embarrassed.

you nod somehow relieved, maybe you just didn’t wanna live with her, you thought to yourself

“okay…good then, uh let’s go home”

“mhm” he hums

he follows you like a dog as you grab your things and he takes them out of your hand to hold. the car ride home is silent and he places a gentle hand on your stomach softly pinching your hips, you feel a little awkward at first before you let yourself embarrass his touch. you can feel satoru’s eyes on you as you doze off, leaving satoru watching you with a hint of a soft smile across his lips.

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A/N. this took forever to write but im excited on writing the next chapter, which will hopefully be done by thanksgiving, i hope you enjoyed luvs <3

let me know if you want to be on the tag list for this series!

tag list: @jeannieboys @maskedpacific @muimuiwisteria

[hiraethminds]

This is a tangent, I'm here to entertain with needless rambling

The deep rooted hatred for taco I see in the II community genuinely concerns me. Especially since those people tend to be Mephone "apologists"(For lack of a better word, I love Mephone don't get me wrong) despite how taco is the "active" side of the coin to his "passive". The connections between them are there trust me Im connecting the dots. Ive connected them.

I understand that she's done bad things, but blaming her for her shortcomings when she doesn't and never had the same support group to change as Mephone did makes me a little ehh.. Getting upset because Microphone showed her support in the new episodes simply because you don't like the ship(I understand why people wouldnt but thats not an excuse to deny her anything), and because Taco doesn't know how to change yet and you refuse to see her as anything redeemable. I'm not big on shipping, thats not the point of this tangent, but Taco finally having someone to support her and help her change is a GOOD thing. Microphone was being the bigger person there, she was being mature and thoughtful because Taco clearly needs the help. The fact that people continue to deny Taco any kind of growth even if she goes about it in the wrong way makes me deeply uncomfortable. Because the moment any character does anything bad that isn't HER they don't say anything about it. She was shunned by her peers because she was playing the game and continued to 'play the game' so to speak.

Theres a deep rooted hint of misogyny in the way they treat her, but I wont yap about that you dont need to read allat.

I understand people have reasons for not liking characters! That's ok. But I've seen them actively go out of their way to harass people that DO like Taco and actively criticize enjoying her character.

They tend to take it as defending her actions. Which is not what's happening. I don't think oscommunity could handle vriska is all I'm saying.

Feel free to not answer this I just need whatever little imp is telling me to scream about it to get out. go draw a taco dis is driving me crazy

Thank you for dumping this in my inbox bigbarf200, I feel like a wise confidant.

okay so I don't interact/observe with the wider ii community (Mainly cuz i like playing with my touys without being bothered) So this information is so Interesting to me!!!

As you mentioned, the hate might stem from misogyny (and by the way, I’d love to read your essay—talk all you want, my friend!). This is a societal issue that affects every part of life.

That said, I also think some people might dislike her simply because she’s a hustler and stubborn. When she has a goal, she’ll do whatever it takes to achieve it, even if it means crossing into morally gray areas.

holding Mepad hostage > hijacking the show

lying and deceiving objects with good intentions > winning s1

seriously hurting Fan > winning Mic immunity

as you said in the greater scheme of things, she's genuinely done horrible things. But if you just accept that at face value you are missing out on such an amazing character. You have to consider her perspective and the circumstances of her birth (especially in a story like ii!!) to fully understand and come to an option on her. But I digress this is baby level analysis so ill move on.

people who think Mic being friendly towards Taco post e14 is out of character are misunderstanding Microphone as both a character and thematic device I think

that's literally the only rational reason I could think of as to why people would be mad about taco and mic being on good terms???

so yeah, these haters just sound like crazy irrational people who have a lot of pent-up emotions. crazy

anyways ty!!! I feel like I didn't have alot to add since, as stated, these people are just incredibly irrational. but its nice getting an earful of whagh the fuck the community is like. here are soem taco drawings for the occasion

[death---dealer]

Cross Roads. ( Noa x Human!Reader ) Part Seven.

Ha ha ha

Title: Cross Roads. Fandom: (Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( We got some violence, some injury, mentions of mating. ) Pairing: Implied ! Noa x Human!Reader. Words: 7.1K ( uuuuuuuuu every word is pained. ) Summary: Everything seemed to bubble to the surface. Expect what was actually needed to be said. READ THE SERIES HERE.

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“I asked Echo… to stay.” Noa was hesitant with the words he chose to tell his friends. His green eyes flickered to theirs for the reactions, which admittedly, in the moment, didn't seem too bad. Well, until the words finally sunk in and Soona’s eyes met Noa’s with a bit of a widened stance and flurried worry, Anaya put it together and sputtered, grasping the side of his head with both hands before gesturing broadly at the hut where the Echo was before gesturing back at Noa.

The Leader only nodded in confirmation to Anaya’s silent inquiry. “Cannot tell anyone! Secret… Very…” He paused and pressed his lips together firmly into a coiled line of nerves, “Very… important to me.”

“Eagle Clan is more important than Noa’s wants!” Anaya yapped, Noa groaned deeply in his chest as a Bonobo came rolling by with their Eagle holding some fish, spotting the trio a rather curious look at Anaya’s statement. Reaching forward, he grabbed Soona by the elbow, Anaya by the upper arm and drifted to stand more exclusively behind the hut that was used to dry fish.

“How important?” Soona asked and Noa, feeling relief, slumbered at the familiarity that she would spare her criticisms until Noa gave more information.

Noa swallowed softly, his agape mouth telling both Soona and Anaya all that they needed to know. Noa hadn’t thought this through.

“This… Noa…” Soona’s voice came out quietly as to not alert anyone who might be passing by as they chittered together about the secret that Noa just spilled.

The three of them viciously scoured around with their matching sets of eyes, and there was no one else around but if an Elder happened to catch wind of what Noa’s intentions were, there was going to be some deeply introspective council meetings in his future about the audacity he had to proceed with such a dangerous endeavor without consulting them first. Noa knew that. That he had made a rash decision but he felt like he could not stop himself from taking advantageous leaps as far and as long as it was going to take him.

The result of the hushed nature of the conversation really depended on how long it was going to remain a secret, and that itself ultimately came down to two possibilities. One was if the Echo even came to agree with the terms that Noa had offered. The second was more blatant; if Anaya had the capability to keep his mouth shut and not chatter to someone who’s business this was not.

“This will not work. Too different… Echo will… will not stay. Leave us! Betray.” Soona’s voice strung around Noa’s mind like a cutting spear and despite thinking the same things, even so much so that the Echo herself said something about it, he still felt the sting and abandonment of support from one of his closest friends.

Pragmatism did not sit well with her as she looked at Anaya who pushed himself forward to speak but only nodded in agreement to his friend's statement. She hoped he would say something to take away the lingering pressure in her chest that rested at denying an idea from Noa, but Anaya just looked at Noa with defeated shoulders, knowing fully well what the Eagle Clan’s leader looked like when he was determined to make something go his way. No matter what either one of them said, Noa had made his bed and already asked the Echo if they wanted to stay, much to the dismay of Soona. Anaya was on the fence, it was evident in how he was teetering between Noa’s points and Soona’s rebuttals.

Noa figured that this was going to be the case - the allure to keep an Echo around was not well established amongst the Clan. Apes liked to talk, and there was no telling if the news would spread to surrounding Clans about the Echo presence and come to hunt them down. That was a true possibility, one that hadn’t really been mentioned to Noa until this moment when it finally sprung forward in his mind. He sat on it for a moment and looked at his friends in contemplation. What was he supposed to do?

Go back to the Echo and revoke his offer? Tell her that he was sorry, but he couldn’t be allowed to let her stay despite having the power to actually acutely disarray anyone else's opinions on the matter? Noa’s jaw clenched, the sun beaming off the movement and telling Soona that she needed to be more gentle with her words of disapproval. She needed to delve further, make it more personal and up the ante. Maybe then… Noa would come to his senses, at least she hoped.

“We have built… so much…” Moving to gesture towards the village, Noa’s eyes followed suit and flickered amongst the small huts that lined around the larger embankments of the tree-houses they had built as homes. Along the small fires that lit in each of them, dotting up the twirling nature of the posts. So finely detailed and sculpted together, baby vines tangled their way up the legs and slants of woods in a happy dance to get more sunlight.

They had been planted there shortly after they returned from the events of Proximus Caesar, and Noa felt a swell of pride hit his chest that they were indeed prospering. It was evident where there had been fire - the pieces of wood and sap used to build were fresher than the old, appearing brighter in color and in shape.

So close to the top of the main tree-bungalow, where small flitters of memories hit Noa when he recalled spending time there as a child with his Father, tending to the birds. Or being chased by them, he was almost positive it was the latter as Eagle Sun was adamant to follow and peck at Noa’s head, even as a child.

All of these things, not worn to pieces in his memory, but losing traction and fading with time. His eyes rested on the hut that encased the Echo in question for a second too long as Soona sighed heavily in front of Noa, her smaller shoulder hitting against Anaya’s with the dramatization of the action. “Does Noa… not realize Echo could tear it back down again? Leave us… in fire…?”

Following suit, Anaya nodded and finally verbalized, moving his hands in the motions of his words, “Agreed! Anaya… not scared to go back to that time but…” He said self-confidently which made Soona roll her eyes and shove her shoulder more aggressively into his. He yipped and looked at her with a sunken gaze. This was about Noa’s predicament.

“Noa,” Anaya shifted forward and placed a hand onto Noa’s forehead, flat-palmed and opened. “Need to think about the future. About the Eagle,” Anaya brought his hand back a few inches, “Clan.” And proceeded to smack Noa right on his brows. Noa squeezed his eyes shut at the feeling, raising an arm and batting Anaya away.

No matter what they told him, no matter how much he refracted and tried to justify his case, there was not going to be mutual understanding on the issue. At least this evening. Noa drew a deep breath in and encased it longer in his lungs before exhaling. He left it with one more stroke to an already burnt out fire.

“Am thinking of future…” He looked at Soona first, meeting eyes and reaching to embrace her shoulders in his grasp. “Echo could help us… Learn their ways,” He moved to Anaya and placed his hand in a parallel fashion as Anaya had previously done to him, “Gain,” The hand moved out a few inches, “Knowledge.” And proceeded to fall right back down between Anaya’s eyes.

And with that, Noa slumped onto all fours, almost like he was hunching in on himself. Drifting between Soona and Anaya and towards the Bird enclosure, his gait was subdued, knuckles pressing further into the ground as he moved, there was no eagerness to really get anywhere and he felt a tingle of guilt hit his chest at leaving his friends so abruptly but they just… Refused to see his side of things. Actually, so much so that in talking to them, he didn't get much time to really explain in his own words what his reasoning was behind taking the action with the Echo.

He tilted his head at that. He had a concise reasoning, that being Raka’s wise words that perhaps, they could live together peacefully, each dominant in their own right but then the words of the Elders and his Father came crumbling down. They brought danger wherever they went. Echo were inherently selfish.

They would tear down the Apes just to build themselves up, even the ones without the ability to communicate and who were lesser in intelligence. It was a deeply ingrained experience and instinct for them, as far as Noa was aware and based on his experiences. Apes had been told their entire lives that Echo were always a threat, especially if they got too close to a Clan foraging or camping, or Eagles forbid, an actual Ape.

That was unheard of, Ape and Echo ever being friendly to one another, let alone agreements being made in mutual understanding like Noa was alluding to. Always, Echo were too stupid to understand, always they were too selfish to understand any other viewpoints other than survival.

Tickling the back of his brain was the incessant idea that she would only accept Noa’s terms out of selfishness, even though he was adamant that they were not going to kill her if she was released, refusing to help. She had nothing really to gain by accepting, and she had nothing to lose by refusing if that’s the choice that’s been made. He’d let her go then, if that’s what she wanted, but he’d always have one eye on the back of his head, always looking over his shoulder, in case she returned with more Echo to destroy the village. Like she had alluded to Noa.

How did Noa know she wasn’t going to? Blind faith was not something Ape’s lept into. Their laws, their systems, were based upon the generations who built them up, from the experiences garnered over and over again as new Apes came to power. It was Noa’s turn now, but he was terrified. There was no easy choice, he felt like he was being pulled into two splitting directions. He wanted to know more, he yearned for it in fact, and this Echo could help him. He wanted to keep his Clan safe after what happened, and this Echo could take it all away again.

One was prey, one was the hunter. A fish to an Eagle. To most Clans of the valley, and especially to those in the valley beyond it was a strict law. The prospect didn't necessarily sit right with Noa when he thought about it, leaving a rather metallic taste on his tongue if he pressed on it too long. If he lingered in pondering about… being actual friends with her, this Echo he had offered freedom to in exchange for teaching Noa, showing Noa face to face if their interests really aligned and if there was any true basis to Raka’s… No, no. To Caesar's teachings and laws.

He could hear Anaya calling for him, telling him that the evening meal was just a few minutes away and that he was going to miss it if he took off now, but Noa slid the words right off his ears and continued on, trailing up the twirling steps towards the solace he found after his Father passed. Noa’s shoulders lifted and then fell with a heavy sigh. He needed to think. Needed to contemplate in the only way that he knew how. With his Father. With his Birds. With himself.

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Anguish wrapped you into her arms, grasping at your head with one hand while the other laid against your mouth, permitting anything from coming to fruition from your vocal cords, staving off any chance in the immediate moment to give Noa an actual answer to his last question. Even swallowing was difficult as the hold your emotions had on you were refusing to let you drain your throat of the thick coating of mucus that built up there from the tears, you felt like you were legitimately drowning as a small gasp managed its way out, tumbling into the otherwise dead air, accompanied in flurries by the crackling of your small fire.

It appeared as if he was unable… to look at you anymore. The tension in his shoulders brought you in but then wiped you right back out when you heeded contemplation to touch him, just to get him to look over at you.

“Noa---” Surprised at the fact that you finally managed to peep something out of your body, you tried to ignore the smothering sensation that flooded right along your diaphragm, curling and encasing every one of your ribs with fiery intent when you looked at the side of his face, his expression drawn in on itself.

Brows furrowed together, wrinkles appearing between them, his actual face fell downwards into a slope, his mouth agape, canines catching your eyes when they enticed the light of the fire just right. He could rip you apart, he could… Swallowing hard, all the build up from your throat and nose slid down grotesquely. Even at the sound of his name, he didn't shift to look at you like he always did.

“Noa, I-I can’t answer that question… Not in the way you want me to.”

You’d have been lying if you admitted to him that you hadn’t thought about it once or twice. Not that you were unhappy with the Clan, unhappy with your life, and the budding perspectives you had now thanks to Noa and the Clan’s ever endearing accommodations, the friendships of Anaya and Soona and… Your eyes rested on Noa once again. Whatever was happening here, whatever force of nature was keeping you tethered to the Clan’s leader.

There was always going to be a part of you that was inherently Human, no matter how accommodating they had all been, no matter how much you learned of their culture, their ways of living, and no matter how much you wanted to be something different, something that Noa would accept…

The times you had talked of other Humans, the redolent nature of your voice, the passing fleeting memories you had of them… The answer itself was remarkably twisted and hit your mind going too fast for you to comprehend. You missed them, but you did not yearn for them in the same way that your hands were out-stretched for Noa to take, if that’s what he wanted. You missed them, but you didn't want to leave.

I don’t want to leave, you told yourself. I don’t want to leave, but I… miss them.

All you wanted was for Noa to pull you up against him, to tell you that it was okay to think about it, but to have the knowledge that no, you didn't want to leave. There would be no argument at that point, you imagined. Knowing the male Chimp well enough, you figured he would hear only the first part of your reasoning and assume that you’d want to leave.

You could hear it in your mind, see the distaste hit his expression as he tells you that you were free to go, you always were, there was nothing keeping you here, and there was nothing keeping him to you. Heart sinking in your chest to the point where it felt like a black hole had been carved out there, you looked down at your hands once again and traced the delicate detailing of the shapes on your palms. A good distraction for you when you didn't want to cry, but still, it only did so much.

Tears were burning at the backs of your irises, your feeble attempts to keep them in their ducts beyond futile as a few of them escaped and trickled down your rounded cheeks, kissing themselves into one singular drop before falling off your chin into your lap. Whereas they had been thin and fast tears previously, these were thickened and fat with ripped emotions you didn't even know how to begin expressing, let alone to an Ape who may or may not have had the right vocabulary to understand the complexity.

You hit yourself on the inside at that thought; Noa was not stupid, it was foolish of you to fall back to the primitive thinking you had when you first met. Noa knew what you felt, whether you were willing to admit that to yourself or not. Noa felt what you felt, unbeknownst to even himself, and surely not to you.

The slow draw of his shoulders raised attention to the standing of his fur along the collarbones, upwards across the sweep of his shoulder blades, and then repeating their pattern on the other side. Twisting his neck at the vibration of your words against his eardrums, he was put into a contemplative state. His body was reaching for an involuntary reaction of mild irritation to the answer you had given him in the form of him shifting from one side to another, the rise and fall of shoulders increasing and the bickering sound of his breathing, straight through his nose.

Noa twisted his head and for a split second of relief, you thought he was going to entwine your eyes with his like he had done so many times before and tell you something you wanted to hear. Vacant and feeling a wash of abandonment, he pushed right past you and rested his glance on the fire. Crackling intently, it seemed the only thing that was able to grip passed the heavy strain that drifted from both of your bodies.

“Tell me the answer… you think… I want to hear.” Like thunder rolling down a mountain, his words sunk into you aggressively, pensively and wantingly. It was deft in its grip around your mind, it was thoughtful in how it showcased that Noa was bargaining in a sense, and it was yearning for some sort of clarity.

Whatever the answer was, Noa knew, was going to cause turmoil. He just wanted to satisfy that itch inside of his brain that still persisted. He wanted to know what you thought. About things in general, did you think that the sky was the same color that he saw? Did you see the beauty in the flowers like his eyes were able to admire? What… Did you think about him?

His jaw clamped firmly shut again as he finally drew his fiery grassy gaze towards you, crushed at the state of your body upon first glance. It reminded him so reductively of when you first arrived, your eyes refusing to meet him, your mind racing at the prospect that he was going… going to kill you… Tightening his hands, he relished the feeling of the wood now digging into his knuckles as he was still seated on all fours

“I don’t think about them.” You harshly whispered and looked over at the fire, eager to see exactly what had previously kept his attention there but there was nothing. Just a regular fire, burning to its heart's desire, much like the sensation that rolled along your chest now. Heated, unbridled anger. He was playing games, getting you to answer something that wasn’t true to help himself feel better. You couldn’t knock it though, in your bids of survival, you had to resort to similar measures. Drawing a deep breath into your lungs, you tried desperately to keep yourself grounded since Noa was unable to do it for you any longer, either by choice, or by neglect and you weighed which one was worse.

They both were, in their own ways.

“I never have thought about them since I got here. I don’t think about leaving, I think about-- about---” You hiccuped and squeezed your eyes shut, unable to bring yourself to come to a complete sentence. It was on the tip of your tongue, the rest of your words that you wanted to say but they were lost to you when it finally came time to admit.

“You think about them… often?” Noa deduced that from what you had just told him.

“No,” That was based in truth and you pleaded that he was able to tell when you looked at him with tearful eyes. “O-Only sometimes.”

“You… think about leaving?” He was even more quiet in asking that, hushed to the point where it was hard to pick his voice apart from the fire.

“Yes.” Another fact based in truth. “Y-yes… N… N…” Your voice cracked and failed before you managed to get the ‘not often’ added to the ending.

Noa nodded at that and looked away from you again. “We… should not be here then…”

Shattering at his words, you finally brought yourself to uncoil from your tightened ball. Dropping onto your hands and knees, you scooted towards him in a quick shuffle, which in any other circumstance, would have made the Ape laugh to see you struggling on all fours when it came so naturally to him. Your scent wafted against him in waves, Noa shutting his eyes to shut down that side of his mind to focus on the now.

Not the possibility of the future, or the past. Now, and here. In your hut, with you, alone… How he wanted things to go differently. If he had command over the entire situation, you’d be nothing but a tangled mess under him as he placed his canines against the delectations of your jugular, dragging them down in a bid to get you to say his name one more time, and then again as he brought you closer to him, and then again and again until the night was over and he drenched himself over your sweaty body, wanting nothing more than to encase you with his fur, to fill you to his hearts pleasure knowing that there was ultimately going to be nothing to bear fruit.

He had no idea where those notions came from, his lack of understanding Echo mating was evident when he thought too hard about it. Animalistically, all he wanted to do was push you down and prove in any way that he could that he was a provider, and he was able to keep you satisfied, by any means.

Bringing his mouth against your neck. Mine. Letting his thickened fingers trail along the tender skin of your body. Mine. The way you would say his name when he left marks along where he was going. Mine.

Instead, in his endless list of fumbles, he had asked one bad question after another, justifiably getting you upset in the process. Noa hated that he was uncouth like that, that his brain didn't pick apart the smaller aspects of how you might react to his questions. You, as an Echo, not you as all Echo’s.

That… Had been his mistake in all of this. Seeing your opinions, hearing your voice and your words as all encompassing to the Echo ways when it simply wasn’t going to be that. They were all yours, never anyone else's, and never Noa’s to dive into. Guilt ravaged his senses and tore down the most basic walls he had built for himself to stop this moment from even coming to fruition. But, here you sat, Ape to Echo. There was no way… that Raka’s words were right. There was no way to come to an agreement, no matter how much he pushed for one, no matter how much you pulled into it.

Noa finally responded to your shift when you finally managed to sneak your way into his vision and he was unable to see anything else. Torn out of a mild sense of abhorrence towards himself, he watched as you moved in front of him to sit on your knees, so close that he was able to feel the heat radiating off of you in waves, nothing coming from the fire any longer. His green and golden speckled eyes held nothing but animosity at you, glass hitting the back of your throat with a small cry, “Why?”

Turning his head away from you at the sight of your tears, trying to ignore the lingering saltiness that now ran between the two of you as a few of them hit Noa’s knees from your sudden proximity, he… Wasn’t sure of the answer. “Wasn’t fair to offer you to st--- stay.” He uttered and finally stood to be bi-pedal. Even though he wasn’t particularly tall, Noa towered over your frame as you were left to rest on your knees in front of him. “Elders always say… Echo’s bring trouble. Should have never offered it to you, I should have…” Growling under his breath, Noa refused to look at you and offered his gaze to rest on the wall to the left, “Never let you.”

“I wanted to stay!” You cried at him, lifting a hand to wipe your forearm under your nose to get rid of the snot that was falling into your mouth caused by the pure vengeful tower that the tears took on the way down. “I want to stay! I can’t go back out there, I-I would die, they would hunt me down! I n-need to stay!”

Noa’s eyes narrowed at you. So, that was it? You agreed to stay to save yourself? He felt foolish and suddenly, all the moments, all the grazing of his eyes against your skin, your glances at him during dinner, your laugh, the way you would hold onto him when you needed leverage, the soft silence that was always around the two of you when not in the throes of conversation… All these things to Noa… That meant something… Selfish, his mind taunted, Echo is selfish. Elders told you, should have listened, Noa.

“I need to think about the Eagle Clan future!” He shouted back at you, regretting it instantly when he saw how you cowered under him, the shadows of his body echoing along your features which were alight at times from the firelight behind you, your shoulders drawing in on themselves, your eyes now widened with understandable fear as you took a tumble backwards, innately out of intensified fear. His voice had come out like a whip, animalistic and growling at you as you had been warned about when you were a child. A tiny whimper left your mouth at that, as he peered down at you. “Cannot… think… Of the future when Echo…” Noa looked into your eyes, still rounded and afraid, “When… you do nothing but cause trouble and distractions.”

He could have sworn he heard a small ‘I’m sorry’, but that could have very well been wishful thinking as Noa’s shoulders dropped the tension, his fur still prickling on the edges. What he said… was right. It was said by Anaya and Soona months ago but… Now Noa knew. They were right, and he was wrong. Feelings never mattered in all of this, if you were so easy to dismiss the kindness that he offered you in favor of leaving, despite your pleas to stay. Squeezing his eyes shut, he thought about his Father. Echo brings nothing but trouble, rattled inside of his mind over and over again, one of the last things, the last pieces of advice he ever got from the Master of the Birds.

“You… you need to leave.”

“Noa!”

“Raka… was wrong.”

“Noa…”

“Apes and Humans…” You blinked at that, never having actually heard him call them that before. It was always exclusive to ‘Echo. “never see eye to eye… Cannot… Live side by side.”

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He had given you time, Noa. Time to contemplate your next move, time to think about the idea and get settled into the prospects that you would… be living with them, and by proxy and association, you would become a part of the Clan itself in a strangely twisted way. He had just taken you around the village to start your integration. At first, the premise left you feeling a bit uneasy at the looks of Apes towards you were less than understanding. There was the underlying idea that Noa was taking you to be killed, maybe in a ritual of sorts, but you pushed that back as you feet pattered lightly against the dirt path.

Noa was in front of you, only two feet or so, with you trailing closely behind. His gait… You hadn’t noticed when you were in the small hut, there was not much room for him to properly stand on his feet, but it was intense and strong, like he had been imbued with much purpose. From small conversations here and there, you got the feeling that your intuition might be correct.

The mantle he had taken from his Father, the Crown itself, must be terribly heavy on his head. Powerful, his broad shoulders captivated your eyes as you tried to focus and find the muscles underneath his dense fur. Fingers twitching, you wanted nothing more than to grab at him just to scratch your internal thoughts, and to say that you were allowed to, and to genuinely test the waters as far as your bargained life went. If you went for him, to touch, to graze, would he see it as a threat and kill you? Would he be perplexed? You were unsure but tucked the notion for later in the back of your mind. Surely with time as you two embarked in this mutual arrangement, you might lean in to learn about the comforts an Ape felt about being touched.

The long sweep of the tree-house structures were a marvel in and of itself, leaving you breathless as you trailed upwards, refusing to look down and satisfy your morbid curiosity to see how far the ground really was, Noa gesturing vaguely towards family nests, explaining in rather simple terms that communal sleep was normal, especially amongst family and close friends.

Often, that broke apart, he told you, when Apes began courting and mating each other, delving into the realm of building their own nest together for the future family they were almost sworn to have, sworn to bear after being ceremoniously tied together. You thought that a wonderful aspect as Noa talked about it, not going straight for the details as to not confuse or intimidate you, but enough to give you a glimpse. You tired it straight to the prospect of marriage amongst Humans. Seemed similar enough, and it seemed like a great start for the agreement you two were flirting around with.

“Do you think… Echo and Ape can.. Live together, side by side?” You perked up at the first question of this agreement that you had chosen to dive into as he drew you back downwards, now shuffling towards the river that was sitting to the east of the village. Privacy, you thanked whatever was up above that Noa had a concept of privacy and intuition enough to see that maybe the topics of contentious conversations were best left between the two of you. Or, he was taking you over there to drown you and then proceed to gut you like a fish, easy access to water for him to discard of the tasty guts, keeping the good ones and to also keep his hands free from your blood. You had no idea, and despite that thought ringing in your ears, you proceeded to follow him.

For the first question, it left you rather… stumped. There were a lot of ways to answer it. You could answer it out of fear, contemptment, agitation…. Fear. You lingered on that and watched with a caught breath as Noa crouched his body down, your mind reeling at how truly dexterous he was as he used both hands equally, both feet equally, never seeming to favor one side over the other.

Mentally, you found yourself then taking notes on his demeanor, knowing you had never seen an Ape, in this particular case, a Chimpanzee so close, so concise with movement and intent. As much as your jaded mind hated to admit, and despite the disparaging size between the two of you, you would venture to say that Noa was more graceful at moving than you were, as you often caught yourself tripping over your own feet or external forces.

Physically, you were hesitant to bring your body downwards as you sat on top of a rather comfortable looking rock and racked through your mind for a rational answer to his question. Noa watched intently, noting how you looked at him before choosing to sit like you were asking permission, which you really didn't need to. It’s not like you were a prisoner. More or less… He tilted his head in thought as he saw a few Apes meters away, staring right at you and then proceeding to chitter to themselves as they walked away. Tolerated guest. For the time being. Until you could be trusted further.

You supposed that’s all this was about, Noa wanting to get to the bottom lip of that very question and it made sense that the first topic he chose to delve into was that. No point in dallying or small talk. The Ways of Caesar, he had briefly mentioned, were heavily based in the ideology that Humanity was not that bad, Apes were not that bad, and in hypothetical situations, they should be able to co-exist. Obviously not, you thought to yourself sarcastically, otherwise you’d have not been hunted to the very brink of death.

“I think that… If it was possible once, it’s got to be possible for it to happen again.” That was a rather optimistic answer and you patted yourself on the back for not giving it too much complexity.

Noa on the other hand, began playing with a smoothened pebble between his calloused fingers as he listened with acute focus to what your thoughts were. And… to his surprise, they were remarkably underwhelming. He figured you’d go off on a tangent about how Echo ways were better, more efficient, more clever and smart. Turning his eyes towards you, he looked at how you were holding yourself. Arms wrapped in front of your body, your eyes turned towards the river as you watched it cut its way across the landscape.

He hummed quietly, tossing the pebble into the water and drifted towards you on all fours until he was sitting only a foot or so in front of you, facing your direction so he was able to see your expressions which he found more than amusing. He found himself detailing them in his mind how they differed from the expressions he was used to seeing with his fellow Apes. “No… way to know for sure.” He commented softly.

Noa looked at you, on equal ground as you were seated and he was crouched in front of you. Even and equal, eye to eye. Instead of breaking the connection as you so often did, finding the intensity of his eyes sitting under an already intimidating brow incredibly difficult to maintain eye contact with, you lingered and peered deeply into them.

Noa’s eyes twitched a bit at that out of skepticism, like you were analyzing him to his very depths. Maybe you were, maybe you were just staring at him with the realization that this was really the first time that you had seen him in such great lighting, having only deduced minor details about him from the dim fire of the hut you were kept in when you first arrived, and teased in the times when he took you to relieve yourself. Admittedly, that’s what he was doing. Looking, watching, noting and remembering.

Working your eyes towards the water, you nodded in minor agreement, not sure what was alright to say and what would be overstepping the line. “There’s never going to be a real way to know unless it happens.” Was your response as you looked down and caught his gaze once again.

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“No-Noa, you need to let me finish---”

“No." He was stern in his actions, almost disgustingly so as his shoulders glowered intimidatingly at you. He’d never hurt you, you said again and again inside of your mind but the chance in his stance, the irritation falling off of him like a song, was smothering all your basic senses and you found yourself crawling backwards a bit at the mere sight of him.

“I was… stupid to think that this would work. I knew---” Noa grunted out of lack of vocabulary to properly express what he was feeling. “I knew this was going to be a problem,” He gestured at you, the movement itself causing a few more tears to ricochet down your face and fall silent on the ground. “I--- I pushed past it, I…” Words stopped and he brought a hand up to sign instead, ‘Never should have trusted an Echo.’

He lingered on the last word he presented to you, the power in his stance dissipating into the air around the two of you and left to encase your body. “You don’t understand.”

“Why… always that?” Noa swallowed hard, “Why will I not… understand? Am I just… stupid Ape to you? Aren’t we all just---”

Finally finding it in yourself to stand up, you stumbled a bit once your feet were planted and tried to shake the feeling of your left leg prickling from sitting on it too long. It was even a tighter fit in your small abode with the two of you standing, Noa’s head nearly hit the roof, yours was a few inches below his, “You need to shut up! You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

It was Noa’s turn to widen his eyes at your words, astonishment clear in his expression. He’d never heard you yell like that, much less with the tear of agony that wiped along your cheeks, fiery still in your eyes as you took a step towards him, almost chest to chest at this point as you poked his right pectoral where his scar was. Noa didn't flinch - it wasn’t painful at all, your touch would never cause him pain and deep down he knew that but nothing was stopping the unresolved from bubbling to the surface as he grasped your wrist tightly with his hand, circling his fingers around the delicate bones without a care. You groaned at that, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to rip yourself from him.

“Let me go!”

“You need to stop being selfish!” He retorted, “Never have seen Ape as full of themselves…” He growled at you, lifting your hand up above your head in a straight pinned line. Quite literally, Noa had you dangling in the air as he lifted your arm upwards, your feet leaving the ground as he brought you to be eye to eye with him. In them, the familiar glow of greens and golds were replaced by crazed dilation, the color was eclipsed beyond any sense of knowing who the Ape holding you really was.

“But Echo’s are so…” Catapulting your gaze, it fell on his canines which were on amused display for you, “Should have never let you stay.”

He kept saying that like he was trying to convince himself. “Noa---” You reached up with your free hand and grasped at his hand, trying desperately to get him to let you go even if that meant you were falling to the ground with a hard thud. He’d never hurt me, you thought again and squeezed your eyes shut. But he was.

The grasp on your wrist began to feel red with ache, pulled beyond its limits by the fact that he was holding you mid-air by the appendage. “Let me go, you’re-” Clawing at his hand, you pleaded with crazed fluttering eyes.

“You’re going to break my wrist, let me go!” Bringing a leg up, you pressed it against his stomach, right below his diaphragm. Without warning, Noa released you, taking no pleasure in seeing you fall backwards with a hardened sound against the dirt ground below. A tuft of pillowed dust surrounded you as you looked down at your now bruised wrist, trying to ignore the pure burn that hit the side of your body that you ultimately landed on with your entire brute weight. If your wrist wasn’t broken, it was severely strained by the looks of it.

“You’re just an animal.” The anger didn't stop there as you scrabbled to your feet, holding your wrist tenderly. “I knew it from the moment I met you! Just a damn, dirty Ape!”

The words felt like they weren’t yours, but they were what came out much to your displeasure. It tasted like you had just swallowed the most sour berry, having to come to terms with it and swallowing much to distaste. Looking at him didn't help, in fact, it only caused more rage to hit you and swell you into the waves. “I should have never trusted you! What reason does a Human have to trust an Ape like you!?”

“Me?” He retorted and threw you the most tantalizing of daggers, his arm expanding so he was pointing in your direction, “Look at… yourself! I don’t… know why you didn't just leave when I’ve made myself more than… clear… now that…” Noa came to a slow pause, looking down at how you were holding yourself, your wrist. He had felt it crunch below his touch, the self-reflection finally hit his senses at what he had done. What he had said.

“You…need to leave.” Was what he chose to mutter, looking at your wrist for a few seconds before directing his attention towards the exit. Remaining silent on the spot you had on the ground, the side of your body impaled with dirt and sediment from when Noa had inadvertently dropped you, you let him pace without another word, without another objection.

“Morning time, you can… Take my horse, but you don’t… belong here anymore. I need…” Huffing, you watched his shoulders fall in defeat, “I need to think of my Clan’s future, was not when I asked… you to stay… When I w… wanted you to stay…”

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・ TAG LIST:

@ohwaitimthewriter @hera-annwn @saturnnie-03 @filliandkili

@hadesbabygurl @supergoat12 @moonchild1433

@kaenalsha @unsteady-bitch @whamsworld

@yummyfanta @nuhteyam @babylockley @edynmeyer1  @callsignwidow 

@moonlightnyx

[slutforsilverfoxes]

Howlin' for You

[A/N: Highly recommend listening to “Not Afraid Anymore” from Fifty Shades Darker while reading what’s under the cut 😘 Enjoy, my fellow Hotch sluts 😈🖤]

“Oracle of Quantico,” Penelope’s voices rings out clearly through the car, “speak and be heard.”

“Hey, baby girl,” Derek croons from his spot next to you in the driver’s seat, and you chime in, “Hi, Pen! Can you do some digging for me?”

“Can I- Y/N Y/L/N,” she admonishes playfully, and you share a knowing smile with Derek. “How long have you been with this team now? You know I’m a digital shovel. Give me a name, date, or a hint of nefarious activity, and I shall reveal all, my love.”

“It’s, uh, the local sheriff,” you confess through a grimace. “Wilson. Who invited us in. I think he’s involved with the sole witness we can’t seem to find. So don’t send anything to their office, just call us or Hotch, okay?”

“Oh, you smart little cookie, you’ve got it. PG out.”

Derek shakes his head before flicking on the turn signal and pulling over at the newest crime scene. “You’re sure about the picture you saw, Y/L/N?”

“No doubt,” you assure him. “I just need Garcia to find me proof that he can’t deny.”

“If it’s there to be found, she’ll find it,” he answers, turning the Suburban off and pausing with his fingers tucked into the car door handle. “But these small town cops are just gonna hate us even more once we prove your theory right.”

“Oh no,” you deadpan, “however will we go on without their respect and admiration?” You hop out of the SUV, not missing the way Derek rolls his eyes before following you across the lawn to grab a pair of gloves from the forensics team and head inside the latest victim’s house.

Several minutes later, you’re examining the contents of the shelves in the living room when your phone rings, and Penelope animatedly confirms what you suspected earlier today. You enter the bedroom where Hotch is analyzing the scene with a critical eye and gently grasp his elbow to guide him away from the primary crime scene- and earshot of Sheriff Wilson.

“What is it?” he murmurs softly, resisting the urge to pluck your bottom lip out from where your teeth are nervously gnawing on it, keenly aware of the local law enforcement’s prying eyes. When you don’t respond immediately, he prompts, “Y/N?”

“Pen and I found something,” you answer. “And you’re not gonna like it.”

You share the information with Aaron in hushed tones, and his brow grows more furrowed the longer you talk. When you finish with a deep breath, he turns on his heel to chew out the officer, but looks back at you before walking away. Taking a quick peek around to make sure you’re alone, he pecks your lips and commends your intuition with a soft smile.

If you had a tail, it would be wagging right about now.

“I don’t have to listen to this!” Sheriff Wilson explodes out of the bedroom, Hotch hot on his heels as they head toward the front yard. You follow after, fingers twitching at your side and ready to draw your gun when you see other officers taking an interest in their heated conversation, fiery eyes set on your boss- but more importantly in this moment, the man you love.

“Everybody just take it easy,” you counsel, grateful when you feel Derek’s solid form now pressing against your arm. Hotch meets the sheriff’s ire with an eerie calm, speaking too low for you to hear. An eerie calm, that is, until Wilson says something clearly so egregious that Aaron barks, “Get off my crime scene, Sheriff, before I have you charged with obstruction of justice.”

The entire neighborhood seems to fall silent; the birds cease chirping, the wind stops rustling through the trees, the local officers slink away from the altercation, and the sheriff opens his mouth to respond, but no words form on his stunned lips. He stalks off to his police cruiser in a huff, and Aaron turns back to instruct Derek to follow him and find out where the witness is.

You, on the other hand, are frozen in place, in awe of the raw power and authority emanating from your imposing man. Your erratic heartbeat thrums between your legs, and if you had even a shred less of self-respect, you would fall to your knees right now to worship Aaron like he deserves.

Instead, you swallow down the saliva pooling in your mouth at the phantom taste of him on your tongue and follow him back into the house to continue cataloguing the crime scene.

Your hunger will have to wait. 

—————

“Fuck, I’m so glad to be leaving this town tomorrow,” Aaron confesses as the hotel room door clicks shut behind you. He turns to find you blindly following him further into the room, a vacant expression on your face, though your eyes track his every move. “Honey, what is it?” His brows draw together in concern while he tugs at his tie. You watch his fingers work their way into the knot to undo it, and your tongue darts out to wet your lips while the embers that’ve been burning in your lower belly for days flare to life. “Honey?” Aaron tries again, genuinely growing worried now. “Do you feel sick? Or did one of those assholes say something to you to get back at me? Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll-”

“No, Aaron,” you finally blurt out. “I’m just- I need you,” you confess softly, wringing your hands.

He cocks an eyebrow, and you know immediately that he understands your meaning but is choosing to toy with you now. “I’m right here, sweetheart.”

“No, Aaron,” you repeat, more forcefully this time. “I need you.” Finally, after days of suppressing your desire, you snap and push him to sit on the edge of the bed so you can straddle his lap, a soft gasp escaping your parted lips when your skirt rides up enough to let you feel the heat of him through your already wet panties. You start grinding on him in earnest, rocking your hips against the zipper of his slacks in search of some kind of reprieve from the persistent ache between your legs. It’s not enough, and you tell him as much amid a whine.

“Oh god,” you keen breathily, “oh fuck, I need more.” His tie already loosened, you tug the loop of fabric over his head and toss it behind you, then pop open the top few buttons of his shirt and mouth hungrily at his chest, moaning at the salt on his skin from chasing down the unsub earlier. You suck a few possessive marks into his skin, whimpering at the feeling of him growing hard beneath you from your repetitive motions, and slide your hands into his hair for a better grip.

Then you feel Aaron’s strong hand on the nape of your neck, pulling you back and forcing you to detach your swollen lips from his chest, now marred with teeth marks from your desperation. He tucks his index finger under your chin and lifts your head up to find tears welling in your eyes and your bottom lip trembling. “Why are you pouting, sweet girl?” The condescension in his tone and the weight of the power he holds over you sends another wave of arousal pooling between your already slick thighs. “Are you feeling empty?”

You blink slowly, and traitorous tears roll down your cheeks when you drop your head into a nod with a pathetic sniffle. He takes pity on you and slides his thumb into your mouth, allowing you to suck on it and gratefully swirl your tongue around the thick digit as you start grinding on him again. Then he runs his thumb down your chin leaving a cooling trail of your own spit on your heated skin before dipping his hand under your skirt to press his thumb against the embarrassingly wet spot on your panties. Your head falls back and your mouth drops open, but no sound comes out as your brain short circuits. You’re practically vibrating at this point, so utterly desperate for him, and he laughs darkly at your need which only serves to turn you on even more. “How long have you been thinking about this, hm?”

“Since-” You swallow down the saliva flooding your mouth before mustering up the resolve to continue. “Since you yelled at the sheriff,” you confess softly, and he chuckles again.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Aaron tuts. “That was days ago.”

You let out a startled squeak when he roughly grabs your hips and deposits you on the bed without warning. His large hands tuck into the dip of your shirt and then he’s ripping it open, buttons flying in all directions. He flips you over with no semblance of tenderness and you let out a gasp, one of his hands unclasping your bra while the other tugs down the zipper at the back of your pencil skirt.

Suddenly you’re on your back again, and within the span of a few seconds you’re laid bare before a fully clothed Aaron, sans tie and the few buttons of his shirt you managed to fumble open earlier. You stare up at his towering figure in awe, your breath coming in short pants that match the heaving of his chest, the only sign that he’s as turned on as you are.

Then he’s undoing his belt buckle, and your walls flutter at the thought of what’s coming next. “Yes, oh yes, please, please, please,” you beg breathily, squeezing your eyes shut and fisting the sheets at the telltale sound of Aaron’s zipper opening.

He slides his cock through your folds to gather your wetness then presses just the tip in, and you release a downright pornographic moan at the sensation. Aaron ever so gently rests his hand on your throat and squeezes once to get your attention, waiting for your bleary eyes to focus on his face before shushing you softly. “Everyone’s rooms are nearby and they need to rest, so you have to be quiet, okay, angel? Can you do that for me?”

Somewhere in the back of your fuzzy brain, you realize he didn’t say anything about caring if your team can hear how much pleasure he wrings out of you. He just wants to ensure your friends can get their much needed sleep after a trying case.

But then you hone in on the throbbing between your legs again, and you remember he’s waiting for an answer. You’re so desperate for him to be inside you that you’d say yes to anything he asked right now, so you nod vigorously, biting down on your lip and squeezing your eyes shut once more. He smiles proudly and says, “That’s my good girl.” Aaron presses his other hand to your lower belly and finally, finally slides into you agonizingly slowly while reverently professing, “You look so good when you’re full of me.”

You’re helpless to do anything but nod again because he’s right, of course he’s right. This is when you feel the most beautiful, feel entirely whole and complete, when you’re being worshipped by and getting to worship Aaron Hotchner.

You let out a whimper that your partner intuits as a plea for him to move, and he begins slowly thrusting in and out of your wet heat, the hand on your stomach keeping you keenly aware of just how big he is with each drive of his hips. Aaron squeezes your throat gently, and somewhere in the back of your mind you know that means he wants your eyes on him. You lift your heavy-lidded gaze to his, weighed down by lust and love, to find him watching your every micro-expression and easily reading your reactions. He can feel what angle, what speed, what pressure makes your body sing, and he hits all the right spots as he gradually picks up his pace.  The bite of his metal belt buckle against the back of your thigh with each roll of his hips reminds you that he’s still fully dressed while you’re stark naked and completely at his mercy, and the power dynamic has you clenching around him, doing everything you can to be as close to him as possible.

By this point, you’re a hiccuping, crying, desperate mess, and when Aaron releases his hold on your throat to grip your hip instead, you choke out a plea of, “Harder.”

“More, baby?” he asks between pants, and you whimper, “Please, daddy, please.”

Aaron lifts your ankle onto his shoulder to get an even deeper angle, pressing his hand down more forcefully against your stomach so he can feel himself moving inside of you with every thrust. He picks up speed until you can’t even cry his name anymore, just little gasps knocking out of you each time his hips meet yours.

Seeking better leverage, he pauses his worship of your body to slide you higher up on the bed so he can brace himself against the wall with his right arm. The change in angle and power of his thrusts has you seeing stars, your hands fisting in his hair in an attempt to anchor yourself to the real world. “My good girl,” he punctuates each word with a hard thrust, a sheen of sweat coating his forehead and a few errant strands of hair falling into his face.

You can’t say anything back, rendered dumbstruck by his expert ministrations, so Aaron carries on with his adoration. “In the field and in my bed, hm? My good little girl. All mine.”

His words are getting breathier by the minute, morphing into whimpers of pleasure that mimic your own, and you start crying harder knowing he’s about to really fill you up. He leans down to lick your tears off your cheeks and you shudder underneath him, raking your nails down his back and clinging to him for dear life.

When you feel his thick cock twitch inside of you, you start babbling, “Yes, yes, yes, give it to me, daddy. Please, oh god, please fucking breed me.” Your desperate command turns out to be Aaron’s undoing, and the feeling of him painting your walls with a surprised gasp has you clamping down around him, every nerve in your body firing at once as an indescribable orgasm rips through you. Despite the muscles in his legs spasming, Aaron continues fucking you through it, evidently trying to make good on your request.

Spent and satiated, Aaron eases out of you, giving you a quick cleanup and shedding himself of his clothes before climbing into bed to help you back down to earth. He pulls you into his lap and dries your tears, dotting gentle kisses along your cheeks, neck, and shoulders. You wrap your limbs around his body, clinging to him, and Aaron rubs your back until you calm down and your hiccups subside to deep breaths instead.

Ever so quietly, he asks, “Better, my baby?” You nod your head where it’s resting in the crook of his neck and murmur, “Thank you, Aaron. I needed that. Needed you so badly.”

“Anything you need, princess, you know that.” There's a thoughtful pause and then, “We’ll talk about that… new thing later. After a good night’s rest.” You’re grateful he turned off the light before getting into bed because a blush warms your cheeks at the memory. Even though he can’t see your face, he knows you’re getting shy and emits a soft laugh. “If you couldn’t tell, I loved it,” Aaron reassures you, then presses his lips to your temple.

He settles back into the bed with you in his arms, running his fingers through your hair to further calm your breathing. “Now get some sleep,” he orders gently. “If you really want me to make you a mama, you need to rest before we practice again tomorrow morning.”

—————

AH tags 🖤 @gothwifehotchner

[intersexcat-tboy]

No One Can Produce Both Sperm and Eggs? Think Again.

[pt: no one can produce both sperm and egg? Think again]

Well, for what could have been the first undeniable documented case, we'd need to think of a world without intersex mutilation to grasp this historically denied reality. We would envision a man, unmutilated, peacefully living as a chimera

But instead, in 1998, we heard about an ovary from his absorbed sister that was removed from within him at just over a year old.

I had hypothesized about the possibility of such occurrences, discussing with others how it may be possible, albeit exceedingly rare. This case serves as an example of what could have been an earlier groundbreaking discovery of one individual maturing into the ability to produce both sperm and eggs. Advancements are commonly hindered by societal biases and bigotry, which slow down genuine discovery and understanding of human complexity.

At the time, standard medical procedure was to remove gonads that were considered "contradictory" to prevent potential health issues. The risk of malignancy is usually associated with the presence of Y chromosomal material and/or (especially) dysgenic gonads. Back then, doctors understood that tumor risk was associated with dysgenic gonads. This boy’s ovary did not pose the same risk, making its removal all the more unjustifiable when we know now that ovotestes pose a low risk of malignancy.

There have been two other similar cases, one from 1981 (PDF of study), where a father "showed signs of ovulation", and later in 2010 (PDF of study), where we finally have the reality of dual gamete production. Both gamete production to the point auto fertilization occurred!

I will repeat again: both gamete function HAS occurred, a decade after one boy lost his chance. Why don't we talk about this more? I feel like we're lying when we say it doesn't occur. It's just exquisitely rare

I'm not posting this as merely an intriguing fact, I'm posting it to bring awareness to profound injustices that have been faced by intersex individuals. Recognizing the complexity and diversity of human biology is critical, alongside defending the rights of intersex individuals to live free from unnecessary, oftentimes harmful, medical interventions.

Medical decisions should be made with the informed consent of intersex individuals, rather than being imposed by parents or doctors. This is especially crucial when these decisions are based on limited information and societal ideas, rather than the actual feelings, experiences, and (lack of) struggles regarding the individuals themselves. There are a few studies suggesting support for these surgeries, they have been criticized for being unreliable, poorly conducted, and heavily misleading.

We must continue to fight to ensure that individuals have control over their own bodies

[lovelycreativecrafts]

What Makes Miguel O'Hara Blush? | Spider-Verse Headcannon/Scenario

Word Count: 600

Warnings: None

Author Notes: Personally, I'm not much of a Miguel simp but I can definitely see the appeal. If you like this Headcannon please like and reblog the post. I hope you all have a blessed day!

The first thing I want to say is that Miguel is emotionally constipated. Anything romantic that may happen to him, he tends to push the feelings back down or doesn’t know what to do with them. Which leaves him to either ignore the romantic thing or dismiss it. 

Any romantic advances towards him don’t phase him. If someone were to give him any sort of physical affection, he would either let the person get their feelings out or deny or reject the affection. If someone were to give him a gift he would accept it but think nothing more of it. If the person were to complement his physical appearance he would ignore it. It might even make him feel a bit uncomfortable if it wasn’t from his significant other. 

The thing that would make Miguel blush is something more genuine and not seen as anything romantic. For him, I think the thing that would get him to blush is a genuine compliment about who he is. 

Miguel’s POV

I stared at my screens as I replayed the scenes with my daughter. I can’t let something like that happen again. I must protect the multiverse. The doors to my office opened and I quickly changed the screen to the default setting. I turned toward my front doors and examined who came in. 

“Is there something wrong?” I asked. 

My assistant shot her webs on the platform that I stood on and I took a step back as she softly landed on the tall platform. 

“No, not at all. I just wanted to inform you that I completed all of my work before I headed home. Also, I wanted to give you some coffee since I know you tend to work late.” My assistant held out a cup of coffee to me. 

This is new. I grabbed the cup from her hands. “Thank you and I hope you have a good night.” I took a sip of the coffee. How does she know I like black coffee? Did I ever ask her to make me one at some point? 

I looked up from my coffee to find my assistant observing me. 

“Is there anything more you want to tell me?” 

“Well yes actually. I-uh,” 

I waited for her to gather her thoughts. 

“I know other people may have told you this already. So, I may sound like a broken record.” She fidgeted with her hands. 

I frowned. Does she also have something critical to say to me? Like how I’m too strict or that I need to smile more. 

“I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you’re doing for us. I’m thankful that you took your time and life to make sure that our universes stays intact and safe. I admire your dedication and hard work. And I hope that you get everything that you desire out of this.” My assistant smiled. 

I tightened my grip on my cup as something erupted from the pit of my stomach. Something light and feathery, almost like a tickle. Butterflies. My cheeks warmed and I took another sip of my coffee. I looked back at my assistant and her eyes gazed into mine. Butterflies flowed through my stomach again and the warmness from my cheeks rose toward my ears. I glimpsed to the side and cleared my throat. 

“Well-uh . . . Thank you . . . for letting me know,” I sipped my coffee again. 

“You're welcome and I hope you also have a good night.” 

I heard her swing off of my platform and I let out a breath. That hasn’t happened in a while. 

[thelaughtercafe]

Tension

Tea Type: Subtly Sweet Tea

Potential Triggers: Nothing comes to mind, but let me know if you think something should go here!

Pairing: Vax/F!Reader (Can be read as romantic or platonic!)

Length: 2.2k+

Summary: Vax's observant nature helps him discover you're hiding a few juicy secrets, and he helps encourage you to be more honest in the future.

A/N: So, new fandom, who dis? Yes, I'm now binging Critical Role Campaign 1, and completely whipped for Vax and Percy both. I'm up to the beginning of Episode 40, so no spoilers please but I have quite a few tword fic ideas. Also, I know Silence doesn't work in DND like this, but shhh fic liberties-

Vax was what many would call observant. Used to lingering in the shadows as he was, he found it almost comforting to look over his friends and family both if they lingered where he could see them. He sipped on his ale, watching as you chatted with Vex and Keyleth about something or other. Percy was tinkering with his machine’s as usual, paying the conversations around him no mind, and Scanlan had found himself a friend for the night. Grog had no such luck but he was no less happy to be enjoying ale by the mug full. Pike had also retired early, claiming tiredness and needing to work in a quiet environment unlike Percy. Vax himself was situated just by the bar, debating if teasing Percy or his sister would be more fun when he spotted something interesting. 

You’d quirked up and seemed to be waving your hands in a sheepish refusal. He couldn’t hear it from here what about, and opted to drift closer, expertly maneuvering the crowds of dwarves before he leaned against the wall by the stairs. 

“Really Grog, I appreciate the offer but it already feels better, I promise!”

“Do you doubt Grog’s masseuse skills?”

Vax felt a smile twitch at his lips, eyes narrowing perceptively as you refused again.

“Not at all! All the others rave about how great they are, I just genuinely don’t need one. It was just a spasm! Besides, Percy looks way more tense than I do, look at how the poor guy is hunched over!”

Grog lit up at that and grinned, whacking you on the shoulder cheerfully before moving to attend to Percy. 

“Grog can help with that! Great idea!”

You let out a sigh the moment the goliath turned his back to you, after ensuring the others were occupied. Vex had gone with Keyleth to grab more drinks and they were talking to the bartender, and you didn’t spot him, all but melded into the shadow of the stairs as he was. He saw the way you rolled not one, but both of your shoulders and winced, fingers pressing into and attempting to release the tension stored there.

He smirked darkly.

You were a clever little thing, weren’t you? Redirecting Grog, lying so he wouldn’t worry, feigning. You had a secret and if there was one thing Vax enjoyed? It was finding out that which should not be known. 

…and maybe punishing you, just a little, in the process for trying to pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t and being a naughty little liar. He'd warned you before, as had the others, it wasn't his fault you didn't listen. You had a nasty habit of trying to take on everyone else's burdens while denying your own. 

He figured you’d be retreating to your room sooner rather than later and after a gentle tap and a whisper to Vex telling her not to wait up, he found himself surprised as his sister grabbed his wrist before he could slip away. 

“Take care of her, will you? She’s been rubbing her shoulder anytime she thinks we’re not watching. If you hadn’t come over, I was going to press the issue. Shall I inform Pike?”

He cleared his throat in embarrassment, smiling sheepishly. Of course his sister had seen right through him, and you both. 

“Aye. You know I will. I’ll tell her, depending on how bad it is.” 

His eyes moved from her to where you were watching Percy try to escape Grog with fondness in your eyes. 

“...I have a feeling there’s a reason she’s dodging Grog’s attempts. Something she’s flustered about, if I had to guess.”

A smirk tugged at his lips as his mischievous eyes returned to his sister’s. 

“A shame, that. For her I mean.”

Vex’s look turned scolding. 

“Try and go easy on her, brother.”

He shrugged, amusement flooding him.

“Depends how quickly she folds, I suppose. If she’s stubborn, even I can't help but have a limit to my patience, you know. Besides, she may even enjoy my methods of persuasion. You certainly did~”

A flash of teeth and he dodged her playful slap with a laugh as she blushed. 

“Shut up, Vax! Honestly, I asked once, why can’t you just let it go?”

“Are you actually whining? Heh, does Percy know? Maybe I should-”

Vax couldn’t dodge fast enough this time as Vex tugged him down to hiss in his ear. 

“Breathe a word and Trinket will have your head.”

“Alright, alright, you win! Always so violent to your dear brother aren’t you?”

He brushed off his clothes before looking back over towards you. 

“Alright, I’m off. Wish me luck, hm? And be a dear and cast Silence for me, won’t you?”

Vex’ahlia sighed and with a moment of focus and a mumble it was done. 

“Doing that for her, not you!”

Was called after but Vax waved her off. 

Now all he had to do was hang out; he was sure you’d follow shortly. 

------

You cracked your neck and barely stifled a wince as your shoulder seized again. You hadn’t injured it, but thanks to holding all of your tension in them, and your neck; you were really feeling the effects. 

You felt bad redirecting Grog like that, but you’d seen the way Percy had grasped his shoulder too, and knew he wouldn’t crumple like you would. Lesser of two evils. He gave in eventually, and lucky for him, he probably wasn’t in pain anymore. It was early in the night, but you bid your remaining party goodnight and retired to your room. You jumped at the sight of Vax on your bed before relaxing, rolling your eyes. 

“You could’ve asked and I would’ve just given you the key to my room you know.”

He shot a boyish grin your way. 

“Where’s the fun in that? Besides, it’s good practice for my fingers. Got to keep them loose and limber, you know.”

“Mmhmm.”

You brushed him off as you flitted about your room and got changed for the night behind the folding screen. It had been a pleasant surprise the inn had one as many didn’t. 

You emerged in your nightgown and crossed your arms as you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“So…what’s up? Did you need something?”

He pretended to be stabbed in overdramatic fashion.

“Oh, you wound me! Can’t I come check on my favorite party member without ulterior motives?”

“Sure, you can and have before. But you’re typically chatty, and occasionally tipsy. You seem barely buzzed and you’ve been oddly quiet for you in general, let alone if this was one of your typical calls. You can tell me if I’m wrong but…I don’t like that look in your eye.”

He smiled, and moved to sit up from where he’d been laying on your bed, tossing his dagger carelessly. He placed it on the bedside table. He was already changed, you noted. In black two piece pajamas, and you’d spotted his black robe behind the curtain. Was he planning on staying overnight? You didn’t mind, of course but again…this was too meticulous. He was planning something, you just weren’t sure what. 

“What look might that be, darling?”

You hesitated and then swallowed, something giddy and nervous at once stirring in you as you felt heat in your cheeks and it made you look away. 

“Anticipation. You look not unlike the cat who got the cream. You almost look…predatory, if I had to pick the right word.”

“How frightening~ It’s nothing so serious as all that! “

He moved to stand and you stood your ground as he approached you, finally returning your gaze to his hazel eyes.

“How’re your shoulders?”

He placed his hands on your shoulders and he felt the way you tensed, racking your brain for an excuse. 

“Oh, you heard my conversation with Grog earlier, huh? Like I said, it was just a spasm. I’m fine now-”

His smile widened a tad and then he squeezed, with just the right amount of pressure to get the reaction he guessed at. 

“For reheHEal!” 

You tried to play it off as a cough, bending over and shoving at him to try to get him to release you. He did, backing up a step or two as he observed you. 

“Sorry about that. Worst time to get a cough.”

You mustered an apologetic smile, shaky though it was and Vax let his eyes narrow. 

“...Do you think I’m an idiot? You’re lying again? This is starting to become quite the habit. C’mon, lemme see.”

The expression you made was priceless but Vax kept his unamused expression as he grabbed you by the arm and dragged you over to the bed, gently sitting you down and then looking at you expectantly. Poor thing. You were clearly having an inner debate in your mind over what to do. Shame he wouldn't give you any more time. He motioned to the bed as he moved to stand. 

“Well? Go on, lay down. Let me see how bad it is.”

“It’s really nothing Vax, I swear! Just drop it!”

“Oh right, because you jolting like a scared gob’ was so subtle. If there’s truly nothing wrong then let me see.”

Gods he was such an asshole. Why did your reactions have to be so damn entertaining? …Still, he was absolutely going to Hell for leading you on like this. 

You reluctantly laid down face down and he situated himself at your hips, ensuring you weren’t in pain before continuing. 

“Alright, now you better tell me if anything hurts. I’ll know if you lie again. Got it?”

You nodded and he couldn’t help his smirk now that you couldn't see him, though his voice kept that concerned, slightly hard edge as he dug into your shoulders at once. 

You damn near about seized and your hand rushed to cover your mouth.

“Did that hurt?”

You shook your head and he growled. 

“You must really think I’m blind or something! You can’t even talk!”

Oh, yeah. Definitely going to Hell. 

Now that he was feeling your shoulders, though, it was obvious you had a lot of tension. No wonder you’d been rubbing them earlier. He let his thumbs do most of the work digging in and though he heard you squeak, now and again, every time he asked if you were in pain you denied. It was when his index and middle finger found a knot of tension on the cusp of your neck and shoulder that you finally broke, and tried to reach back to tap his leg, laughing. 

“Fhuhuhuck Vax please! It doesn’t huhuhurt it-it thihihihihckles!!” 

He giggled himself and stopped for a moment to crack his fingers before he answered, all casual nonchalance. 

“About time you admitted it.”

You whimpered in embarrassment and he would bet money you were beyond grateful he couldn't see your expression as you hid your face in your pillow. 

“You knew?! Why didn’t you say anything then!?”

“As payback. For lying, both to Grog and most especially, to me. Next time, tell the truth and I won’t have to be so…”

He spidered fingertips over your shoulders to hear you laugh before pulling back again. 

“Willfully ignorant.”

You groaned. 

“You’re the worst.”

“I hope you know I’ve just started. All joking aside, your shoulder and neck are wrecked, love. Ticklish or not, you’ll feel leagues better if I work these out.”

“You can’t!”

Your instant response gave him pause. 

“What are you so worried about? Surely you must know I’d never judge you for something as paltry as being ticklish.”

“It’s…not that. Gods, Vax, I swear if you tell anyone else-”

You whirled to look at him and he met your eyes unflinchingly. 

“I won’t. I swear it.”

You hesitated and then hid your face again after deeming him to be telling the truth.

“I…I don’t entirely hate it. Truth be told, it’s the opposite. I really…enjoy it.” 

He couldn’t help snickering, but he was quick to clarify at how silent you got, to reassure you. 

“I-hehe. Oh, shit. I’m not laughing at you. I promise. Just, oh Lord, give me a second.”

He finally collected himself, running a hand through his hair and sighed.

“You’re not the first person to tell me that. It’s too cute for me not to laugh. If you ever want to be tickled you know all you have to do is ask.”

“You say that like it’s easy but-”

“But you’d prefer to be a brat to get me to tickle you instead because it’s easier, hm? In character for you. I’m fine with that. For now.”

“For now?”

“Yes. For now. If you keep hiding things from us for what you believe is our benefit, and putting yourself down- now I have the perfect way to punish you. Maybe then the lesson will stick that you are anything but less than.”

“Vax…”

He brushed off the vulnerability with ease, returning to his playful affect, as if he hadn't said anything.  

“As I said for tonight, however, I’m more than happy to put you in your place when you act up but…”

You squeaked as he dragged his index finger down your spine, making you shiver. 

“There’s still the matter of all this tension you’re holding. Do I have your permission to deal with it, even if it tickles?”

“Mm…mmhmm.”

“Heh. Good. I’m not going to go easy on you now that I know you like this, I hope you know.”

He leaned down to blow air into your ear before whispering. 

“We’ve got quite a lot of lost time to make up for~”

[hotreadingwitch]

Hello, this is my first time asking a request.

I was thinking of maybe a modern au of Daemon x Reader you have the free reign of what business he’s rich in. He can be in the Targaryen dynasty or he chose independent because he loves freedom.

Reader can be fresh graduate or a current employee of his company and they just argue a lot be he likes her secretly. 😏

Hello! Here's my take on this lovely request! I hope you enjoyyy

Daemon x Reader - Pay for It (Modern AU)

Content Warnings/Kinks: mentions of workplace harassment, imbalance of power (the employee/boss dynamic is definitely played with), degradation, praise kink, spanking, oral sex (male and female receiving), cum swallowing penetrative vaginal sex 

Pay for It 

“Sir?” Y/n’s voice echoed through the empty office. 

She’d received the invitation to attend the after-work social from her boss but found not a soul at the location. Gripping her purse tightly she walked cautiously to her boss’s office, knocking on the door and opening it when she heard a small grunt. 

“Mr.Targaryen, hi” she greeted him, pasting on a superficial smile, taking in his perfectly tailored suit and swooping, brown hair. 

“Ms. Y/l/n” his voice was so cold that she shivered.

“Where is everyone?” 

“Out at the bars, I suspect” he responded cooly, “It is a Friday night after all” 

“Sir?” She questioned, “I’m sorry but I don’t understand” 

“I’m sure you do Y/n” his grin was cruel, “Go on love, give it a good think...” 

“Did you send a fake invitation just so you could be alone with me?” She backed up as she spoke, “You know I think that’s violating HR protocol…” 

“Violating protocol” Daemon’s laugh was cold and humourless, “Tell me Ms.Y/l/n, how long did you think you could steal information from my company as a spy for Greens Inc? 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…sir” 

“Oh sure” he scoffed, cockily, “And I’m assuming you don’t know anything about the files that have been missing from my computer either” 

Her doe eyes turned deadly, “We’ll destroy you from the inside out, just you wait and see…” 

She strutted back toward the door, stopping in her tracks as strong arms caged her from behind. 

“Otto Hightower’s a smart man but clearly not smart enough if he chose you to do his bidding” Daemon sneered. 

Gulping down the lump in her throat, she faced him, inserting boldly, "I’ve taken more than you know” 

“The only thing you’re going to be taking tonight is my cock in your mouth” 

The small whimper that slipped from her mouth at the thought, betrayed her true feelings.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He circled around her like a vulture before smirking, “You like it when I degrade you? When I abuse my power over you? I’ve seen it Y/n, every single day that you’ve pretended to work here, you practically melt when I’m critical and when I yell at your co-workers��Is that why you’ve stayed so long here pretending to steal my secrets?” 

“No” she lied badly, wincing at how unconvincing she sounded. 

“Sure…” 

“You can’t make me” she jutted out her chin. 

“I wouldn’t but you know what I think Y/n? I think you you’ll do exactly what I say, exactly when I say it anyway. So get on your knees love and show me just how sorry you are,” His finger traced her jaw tilting her defiant face up toward him, “You be good for me tonight and I might just let you pay for your little mistake with your body” 

Y/n couldn’t deny anything that Daemon had said. It was true that she wanted him, if anything, she felt her need for him was even more desperate than he knew. Since she’d first laid eyes on him she knew she had to have him, in any way possible, even if Greens Inc. would punish her for switching sides. When she sunk to her knees, Daemon smiled like he’d won. 

“That’s it, good girl” his praise made wetness begin to build between her thighs, “Show me how bad you’ve been wanting me…”

She opened her mouth wide, letting him admire her obedience before beginning. Her tongue traced up and down the length of his shaft, licking and tracing the veins in his hard flesh. He didn’t once take his piercing gaze off of her as she bobbed up and down, one of her hands gripped around the base of his shaft as she moved slowly up and down, teasing him. 

“Yes—fuck yes,” he said roughly, his voice tight. 

His grip in her hair was tight but the pressure on her head was light as if he was allowing her to do with him as she pleased. Bobbing and bobbing she satisfied him. Every time she came up off of him a thin trail of saliva connected her bottom lip to the tip of his cock. She smiled to herself when she noticed that the wetter, the messier she got, the more Daemon groaned. Soon, his moans were practically becoming low growls, desperate and dark sounds that reverberated throughout his glassy, modern office. 

"So fucking good for me love” he grunted, “Yes, keep going for me, faster” 

She complied, speeding up her pace, matching Daemon’s need as his hips rutted his long cock into her mouth and hand. He wanted her to pay with her body, well, she was certainly starting with her mouth. 

“Fuck” he strained, cumming down her throat. She sucked tightly around him, pulling her mouth up off of him slowly, taking every drop he had to offer. 

When she finally flicked her gaze back up to him she was almost startled by the intensity of his gaze. She knew that look, she’d seen it on other men before, and she certainly knew what it meant for her now. 

Y/n stood before pressing her chest to his, running her hands up his back, making him shiver. She leaned forward, placing a hesitant kiss on the corner of his mouth. That was all he needed before beginning to devour her. Daemon’s kisses were wild with desire, his fierce lust making her melt in his rough palms. She bit down on his lip, tugging at it causing him to groan into her mouth, deepening their kiss. Pushing her back towards the desk, both their need was palpable.

“I just need a little, just a taste—“ he practically whimpered as they moved back into the office towards his large desk. 

“So desperate for me huh?” she teased, though out of breath herself “What happened to that fiery anger of yours?” 

He groaned into the crook of her neck, making her skin pebble with goosebumps, “Tell me that you want it…I know you do but I want to hear you say it like the good little slut that you are” 

“I want you to fuck me with your mouth” she broke away from his kisses to make eye contact as she said it, sliding her ass onto the edge of his desk. 

“Good fucking girl” he praised, sitting in the office chair directly in front of her. 

She took her panties off, sliding them down her legs, leaving her short skirt on but spreading her legs wide enough so that he could see just how wet she was for him. 

Daemon ran his hands through his hair, seemingly overwhelmed by the sight of her. A second later, he began peppering kisses along her inner thighs, stopping before he reached her wet cunt. 

“Where do you want it? Tell me what you like” He asked between kisses. 

“My clit” she begged, “please” 

His tongue settled immediately exactly where she wanted him, not bothering with anything else. 

She whimpered in response, her body writhed as he began to satisfy the throbbing need between her legs.

“Fuck you’re good,” she moaned at the initial feeling of his gentle, flicking tongue on her. 

Her back arched upward as his tongue slid up and down, lapping at her with an ease and skill that only came from practice. She felt as if all the tension in her body was beginning to loosen, pouring out of her like warm honey. Her desperation was growing with each lazy flick of his tongue. 

“Daemon…” she whimpered, gripping her hands in his silvery hair. 

“Yeah I know love” he spanked her thigh harshly, “Such a good little slut” 

Gripping her thighs, he pulled her closer to his mouth, devouring her with every wet movement of his tongue. Her clit throbbed as he sucked the skin around it, covering it with his whole mouth, each motion going upwards. The sensation began to spread, from her clit to her lips to her stomach and thighs until her entire body was practically on fire.

“Fuck” she cried out as the feeling came closer and closer, “I’m gonna—I’m—ohh” 

Her heart beat faster and faster as his mouth hummed on her, licking her like he needed her taste coating his tongue to live, to breathe. Y/n’s open, moaning mouth went dry as the feeling surged through her body. She shivered, holding onto him for dear life, as the waves of her orgasm lulled inside her. 

After, Daemon’s cum-slick lips found hers. He kissed her, making her taste herself on his tongue, the sour taste causing her to moan into his mouth. His hands slid down her sides, gripping her waist before flipping her over so that her chest was pressed on the fancy desk. Daemon palmed her ass before slowly unzipping her skirt and sliding down her legs so that she was finally bare from the waist down.

“You want it?” 

“Yes, Daemon please” she begged. 

His tip pressed against her entrance, “You’re sure love?” 

“Yes” 

He spread her lips with his fingers as he slid into her. Instantly she moaned at the feeling of his cock pushing into her, overwhelmed by how perfectly he fit inside her. The curve of his shaft slid along her soaking-wet walls with ease while his tip rutted right against her g-spot. Twisting backward, her eyes flicked up to his, taking in his reddened lips and the way his eyes were scrunched closed as if the feelings of pleasure were too much for him as well. As Daemon thrust, Y/n’s insides sparked to life, the pleasure igniting within her. 

“You’re taking it so well love” he praised as he thrust in and out of her, “Such a good fucking whore for me” 

“Fuck…” she whined, his words turning her on even more. 

SMACK. She cried out as his palm landed on her bare ass. 

“Do you like it when I’m mean to you darling? When I punish you for being bad?” He questioned, his tone innocent despite his words. 

SMACK. Another spank made her skin tingle with the painful sensation

“Shit…Daemon” Y/n whimpered. 

“I’ll take that as a yes” 

One of his hands slunk down her front, his fingers meeting her sensitive clit, making her press back onto him even more. Her cunt tightened around him as he swirled his fingers around and around her clit. 

“Fuck—“ she gasped at the feeling of her clit being pleased paired with how deep he was inside of her. 

In and out, Daemon refused to slow his powerful pace, each thrust both hard and deep. The result was an onslaught of sensations that engulfed Y/n’s entire body with pure feeling. From her pulsing clit to her shaking legs, she was completely overwhelmed. As they continued, one of his hands gripping her hair so tightly that her back arched, Y/n’s skin flushed becoming hot to the touch. She was literally burning up for him. 

“Please, give it to me Daemon, fuck” she moaned, her body shivering with satisfaction.

SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. Daemon’s relentless spanks made her ass sore but the feeling of pleasure that ran through her body each time made the punishment feel more like a reward. As Daemon thrust into her she pushed back onto him, the sound of her ass slapping against his stomach echoing in the large office. 

“Fuck—“ he grunted as his orgasm approached, “Keep going for me love, keep it nice and tight just like that” 

She screamed, literally crying out as her orgasm erupted within her. He pushed deep inside her as he came, groaning at the way that her cunt tightened and throbbed around him. 

“Shit,” he groaned, his hand pushing into the skin of her waist, “You’re fucking milking me love” 

“Yes, yes, yes” she ground herself back onto him, helping him to feel exactly how good he’d made her feel. 

Eventually, he pulled out, pressing a comforting hand on the small of her back before flipping her over so that she could stand. Feeling vulnerable, she avoided his searching gaze. 

“Look at me” he commanded. 

She tried to resist but failed, finding she couldn’t resist his order. 

“I’m not going to punish you for what you’ve done” his serious look turned into a cheeky smirk, “At least not more than I already have…” 

“Really?” She questioned, disbelieving. 

“Really” he affirmed, his gaze hardening “But only if you help me take them down in return” 

She smiled, game on. 

[meimi-haneoka]

Clear Card Trivia 3 ~ Sakura's journey of growth and self-understanding throughout Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

Hello and welcome back to my "Clear Card Trivia" series, a collection of informative posts where I delve into certain aspects of the story of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card! ✨

The topic I will talk about today has been on my "to-do list" for long time. It's something I felt the need to talk about, and I won't hide the reason why: the desire to fully eviscerate this topic grew particularly after reading around certain criticism of Clear Card Arc. But also after listening to CLAMP's Twitter Spaces, particularly the ones towards the end of the story.

It's something that, setting aside my obvious love for the new characters, will always make me think that Clear Card Arc has been a very welcome addition to the series.

This post will delve into Sakura's growth throughout Clear Card Arc.

Sakura grew up considerably during the story, and had a character development that sadly not many people truly realized.

I'm not talking about an evolution of the character design which, despite changing and evolving throughout the story (as it's expected for a long-running serialization), kept depicting Sakura consistently with quite young looks...no, I'm talking about her mental growth, in relation to her self-knowledge and her relationship with her magic powers.

A journey that might almost feel "frustrating", because it is full of "up and downs", and Sakura sometimes seems to be taking one step forward and two back. Aside from the obvious practical reasons (the plot had to develop several other storylines simultaneously), it very much reflects the realistic growth of a pre-teen, which is never a straight line but is made of improvements and relapses.

Along the journey, I couldn't really avoid mentioning some bits of the development of Sakura's relationship with Syaoran, which will get its own deep and detailed post another day.

There's also an extra about the significance of the Clear Cards in the story, at the end.

I have to be honest, the post is very long, but I tried to insert visual elements to make it easier on the eye. If you're curious to know how the hell I found so much to talk about for this specific topic, follow me under the cut and dive into Sakura's journey throughout Clear Card (it's also a good way to review the story)! ✨

A Disconnected Beginning

Clear Card Arc starts in a very "festive" and happy way: everything is peaceful, a new exciting chapter of Sakura's educational life is starting with the beginning of middle school, Syaoran is back to Tomoeda, this time to stay forever with his beloved girl...everything seems so perfect. And precisely in chapter 1, before everything takes an unexpected turn, we have this scene here, which I consider the "true" beginning of everything:

Sakura says "I haven't been using this lately...well, that's for the better".

At the beginning of Clear Card Arc, Sakura seems to be feeling disconnected from her natural gift.

Despite she had to go on a quest to collect all the Clow Cards, which later she gave a new life to by changing them into Sakura Cards, we have to remember that Sakura was born with magic powers. They weren't bestowed on her by Kero-chan, nor by the contract with the Clow Book: she always had magic in her blood, and it apparently "woke up" on that fateful day she found the Clow Book in the library of her father.

At the beginning of this arc, Sakura seems to think that the purpose, the meaning of this natural gift which is literally part of herself, has been fulfilled by transforming all the Cards, and splitting Eriol's power as he had requested. Her words here seem to be suggesting a general idea of "if I have to use this key (therefore, my magic powers), it means something troublesome is happening, so it's better if I'm not using it because it means everything is okay".

And although we can't really deny that what happened afterwards is far from being able to be considered "peaceful", this scene here always left a bad taste in my mouth because there's almost a negative vibe attached to the idea of her magic, transpiring from Sakura's words. It's almost as if she's politely rejecting it.

Precisely after she places her Star Key in her jewelry box, probably hoping to never have to use it again, she has her first premonitory dream of the events that will shake her life afterwards. Almost as if her powers were trying to tell her "no my dear, this is you and you'd better come to terms with it as soon as possible".

Then, as we all know, the Cards turn blank. Sakura produces a new key while having another dream and a quest to fight and "secure" some strange phenomena happening around her begins, leaving her in a state of increasing confusion.

This is the beginning of the part of the story that I quite literally call "Sakura loses sight of herself".

At this very early stage of the story, she still doesn't know that she started losing control over her increasing magical power, and it is definitely not a coincidence that all of this began when she thought of shutting her main magic tool away in a box, hoping to ignore it forever. For plot reasons, this also happens simultaneously to Syaoran taking the spirits of the Sakura Cards away from her (because in the beginning, you had to be tricked into thinking he was up to something shady and was the real mastermind behind all the incidents).

Syaoran expected for Sakura to lose control over her powers, as his mother predicted a general period of trouble for her that could lead her to unhappiness, albeit without any clear indication of what could happen: Syaoran came to Japan knowing something was bound to happen to his girl and her powers, and that something was going to lead her to grief, but he had no idea about all the rest. So his uncertain and reckless approach, which ended up in some cases worsening the situation, is also somewhat understandable. He was acting like a worried, overprotective boyfriend at his wit's end.

The strange events, which Sakura materializes into a new set of Cards, surely leave her distraught and confused, not to mention the situation with the Sakura Cards and Eriol's missing replies, but I feel that what really destabilizes her core are the constant dreams she gets, sometimes even in the middle of her waking hours, making her faint on the spot wherever she is.

Premonitory dreams are a part of her natural gift that she began to express ever since the OG manga, but she never seemed to really understand them or take them seriously.

This time around, she keeps seeing this cloaked figure and this terrifying dragon, no one speaks a word despite her relentless questions and the cloaked figure seems to be wanting to take her newly made key away (Lilie!!! what were you trying to do!! *facepalm* she probably tried to pull her closer so she could talk to her), so it's just normal that all of that leaves her increasingly stressed and anxious, even though initially you never see her openly and verbally stating that, due to her overall positive nature ("I'll manage it, somehow" is part of her "everything will be alright" invincible spell, and this is indeed what she keeps telling herself in the beginning of the arc, even though in some occasions it turned out to be a double-edged sword, as sometimes it looked more like sweeping her fears under the carpet, to me).

"Something Is Not Right"

Dream after dream, Card after Card, Sakura begins to have these general feelings of discomfort and of "something is not right, here", as she openly states to Syaoran in this scene of volume 4, chapter 14. There's something about this situation that is pricking her sixth sense, and makes her uneasy, but she can't quite put her finger on it yet. All she can do is to keep "fighting" these phenomena happening around her, hoping to find out more along the way. She reiterates the same feeling of uneasiness at the end of chapter 15, after what I consider one of the most concerning side-effects of her poor control over her powers: Sakura seems almost "in trance" while she leads her guardians to the exit of the maze, and acts in a very uncharacteristic, cold way by shoving her bag in front of Yue to make him hold it for her. It's almost as if her magical sixth sense worked too strongly and warped her personality in that moment: an effect that has been mentioned several times in relation to powerful magicians like Clow, Eriol and later Kaito too, so it's not farfetched at all to attribute this one-off occurrence to her loss of control over her strong powers, which ended up affecting her personality too. Luckily, it didn't happen again in the rest of the story and the capture of this Card was completely changed in the anime (a wise decision imho, since the JP fandom is particularly fussy about the integrity of Sakura's character, and she needed to stay "Sakura" in order to do what she did at the end).

At the culmination of a "mini arc" (the visit to great-grandpa Masaki) characterized by uncontrolled visions of Nadeshiko, another frightening dream (one that ended up dragging even Akiho in, due to the synchronization) and Sakura for the first time ever confronting Syaoran about the things he's been hiding from her, we reach the following scene of volume 5, chapter 23.

"I Wish I Had A Mirror"

I always considered this scene extremely important, because for the first time Sakura spells out clearly the inner turmoil that's been gnawing at her soul ever since this ordeal with the new Cards started.

"The truth is...I'm the worst at understanding myself. And that is probably causing lots of concern to everyone." "I wish I had a mirror. A mirror that could reflect the real me. Then, I would probably understand how to not make everyone worry"

Here, Sakura clearly spells out the frustration of knowing, feeling in her bones that there's something wrong with her, something that she's not understanding about herself, and that something is causing problems, but most importantly, is causing her loved ones to worry about her. Let's not forget that not only Syaoran, but also Yukito, Touya, Fujitaka, Tomoyo, Eriol & his family have all been watching her situation in apprehension, each of them making decisions and moving discretely in a direction they felt was right (and admittedly, not all instances were so).

Sakura can somehow feel all of that, she can feel that it's related to something she still hasn't realized about herself. This tends to be forgotten because it happens in a relatively early part of the plot, but notice how this is the same problem Kaito suffers from. A quite stunted ability to understand oneself. Sakura and Kaito definitely have lots in common, when it comes to this specific part of themselves. Keep this in mind, because it'll be relevant later.

And then, the situation worsens.

Sakura's dreams start to terrify her, because they begin to show Syaoran's face under the cloak of the mysterious figure who's scaring her in her dreams. An apparent truth she cannot accept, she won't accept, even though she's still unsure about what exactly these dreams she's having are. Despite her boyfriend has been acting shady for long time, she decides to trust him and wait for him to talk to her about all the stuff he's holding inside, instead of putting him through the wringer. This also means, though, that Sakura will keep all her fears to herself, eventually bottling up.

Furthermore, Kaito starts to rewind time to fix a situation without a way out (in chapter 28, Akiho was on the verge of going berserk completely and unleash the artifact), creating an additional sense of confusion when Sakura can feel that her finger is numb due to strain, but she can't understand why (she had fought Kaito's time magic unconsciously). Whenever Kaito will rewind time, even later on, Sakura's magical sixth sense will try to wake her consciousness up more and more, giving her these vibes of "deja vu" or making her act in an apparently inexplicable way.

In the first part of Clear Card, Sakura sometimes literally looks like a soul wandering about in confusion, dragged by the events.

I wish to point out that this is not a flaw in the characterization, it is a precise design by CLAMP. Sakura IS, in this part of the story, confused and lost, overwhelmed by the events. She has no idea how to approach this matter other than "treating the symptoms" as they come. This happens because she's still, surprisingly, quite reluctant to embrace a fundamental part of herself: her innate magic power, which expresses itself mainly through her intuition. But we'll gradually get there.

Around chapter 30, before the big realization, Sakura's situation reached a point where:

- her Sakura Cards unexpectedly became blank; - almost everyday (sometimes multiple times a day) there's a new incident that she secures into new transparent Cards; - she constantly sees ominous dreams (in scattered order) with a cloaked figure acting in a questionable way and a scary dragon, and at some point she starts seeing her boyfriend under that cloak; - her boyfriend acts shady, Eriol doesn't reply to her messages; - there's a general feeling of "something is not right" with her magic and some stuff starts to not make sense to her (because Kaito rewinds time)

It is at this point that Sakura finally moves one (giant) step forward and connects all the "puzzle pieces" she collected (particularly, how much more "obvious" the creation of a Card became) and understands that she's been the one causing subconsciously each and every single incident that lead to the creation of a new transparent Card.

"I'm Angry At Myself"

And with Syaoran finally coming clean with her (because at that point he had no reason to keep things hidden anymore, as the thing he was trying to delay ultimately happened - and believe me, I'm sure he partly felt relieved to not need to lie anymore, as that took quite a toll on him too), Sakura can at last give an explanation to at least a part of the things that are happening. And she finally realizes that the doubt that was tormenting her was true: she DID, in fact, not understand something very important about herself, she didn't realize that it was her own power going out of control and that all the incidents that happened bore "her magic signature", so to speak. She failed to "tune in" with her magic.

For the first time ever, Sakura expresses anger at herself.

She will direct that anger (to a lesser extent) to Syaoran too, but I'll tackle that in a separate post.

This is a moment of deep reflection and regrets for Sakura: the poor understanding of herself, the poor "communication" between her heart and her magic powers brought to a situation where her most beloved person was putting himself in danger in order to protect her, while trying to not make things escalate. This is a very sensitive, beautiful and important moment, steeped in conflicting and complex feelings (and remember, Sakura is just a pre-teen. It is normal for a pre-teen like her to not understand herself, but there's just one tiny detail: she's not a common pre-teen, due to her natural gift, and she needs to take that into account). Eventually Sakura calms down, and after creating Rewind, her resolute face while hugging tightly Syaoran suggests that from now on she'll face this matter from another, more courageous and determined perspective.

Or at least, these were her good intentions. Because unfortunately, insecurities are hard to eradicate and in the central part of the story it's shocking to realize how far longer Sakura will insist in shutting away her emotions and refusing to listen to her heart (and intuition) fully.

"It's Just My Imagination"

Part of Sakura's anxiety might have been sedated with the revelation that the Clear Cards are produced by the girl herself, but unfortunately the true core of her problems was not solved at all and will only surface more clearly in the next 20 chapters.

Sakura actively starts having "premonitory bad feelings" when she sees Akiho in volume 7 chapter 34, a bad feeling that she does check with Syaoran, but quickly dismisses as "well, it's just my imagination". This will basically be one of the major problems preventing her from reaching the complete control of her magic. Sakura, knowing her magic potential, should've given way more credit to her sixth sense, but her anxiety, her insecurity and her crippled connection to her innate gift still pushes her to dismiss these "signs" as nothing really important or true. Timely as hell, a few hours later something bad will indeed happen to Akiho, where she completely loses consciousness for the first time and the clan/Association actively starts to absorb Sakura's power through the artifact implanted in Akiho. All of this was caused by the high concentration of magic that "triggered" Akiho's artifact (and here I have to sarcastically "applaud" Kaito, just like Syaoran he's another one who does stuff before thinking through, ultimately worsening the problem).

Once trapped in Akiho's artifact, thanks to her power Sakura can see the most horrifying glimpse of Akiho's past, when she was turned into a magic artifact, by living it on her own skin. And even though Kaito is forced to rewind time once again to save the situation, erasing these memories from Sakura's head, her heart (which is tightly connected to her magical sixth sense - I'd daresay her heart is straight up the source of her magic) DOES REMEMBER, pushing Sakura to act in an apparently irrational way, crying and hugging Akiho tight in empathy. Sakura is particularly shaken by this feeling, still in pain even hours later, but once again she doesn't understand where it comes from. However, she does express with Syaoran an intention to talk to him about it once she's able to put it into words, and in the meantime do her best with all the rest. At least, there's an intention to understand better this part of herself, but it's still soon to see actual results.

Aaand CLAMP really seem to be wanting to test Sakura in this arc, because at this point of the plot, they add the electrocution spell. 😅 No one seems to understand who caused it (it's not Sakura, nor Kaito, but now we know it was none other than Yelan!!) and Sakura's anxiety increases once again. The fact only Syaoran gets affected by it inevitably reignites the doubts in her mind, unwittingly reminded of that terrifying dream of Cloaked Syaoran she keeps seeing...but she stubbornly keeps telling herself "no, it's not like that, it's just a dream". It's undeniable that this situation where she cannot understand her foretelling dreams yet, and the way they show her scattered hints because her power is out of control, has surely contributed to Sakura's insecurity when it comes to trust her own intuition.

Her power is so out of control at this point, that even when Kaito shrinks her and throws her in a hole carved into a tree (landing in a "world" created with magic where he hopes she'll create the right Card) her dreams take over again (it's apparent by the "shaaan" sound and how everything turns suddenly pitch black, a common background of her dreams), showing her Akiho in the dress she was wearing when she was turned into an artifact and, inevitably, Sakura's biggest fear, "Cloaked Syaoran". Pay attention because these visions she's getting here thanks to her power match what will happen later on: what the talking flowers tell her here will turn out to be the beginning of the lyrics of the main theme of the "Alice in Clockland" play. This vision of Cloaked Syaoran seemingly "about to do something" to Akiho horrifies Sakura to the point of screaming in terror and creating one of the most unsettling Cards, "Break". It is after this very scary moment that Sakura starts to wonder very specifically for what purpose she is creating all these Cards. The purpose is actually more than one, but she definitely posed herself THE RIGHT question, as this brings her one step closer to the core of the problem and eventually embracing her own magic abilities.

Then, between chapters 43 and 45 we finally start to see some changes in Sakura: surprisingly, she begins to listen more to her sixth sense, first catching Yukito red-handed while activating a newly acquired magic, and then wondering about a strange painful feeling in her chest when her father tells her that lately she and Akiho became even more similar. We were all lead to believe that this was the foreshadowing of Akiho taking her place (cause everything in the plot at this point deceivingly hints at Kaito wanting to switch them), but she actually was getting foreshadowings of the "rewritten world", where Sakura would genuinely feel wrecked to know that someone important to Akiho was missing, precisely when Akiho would've become part of her family as her twin. In fact, in chapter 45, before falling completely asleep, she hears again the ominous "you won't be able to come back" (the Association's threat to Kaito), wondering WHO wouldn't be able to come back - somehow, Sakura knows that it's not directed at her.

"Just Tell me Honestly How You Feel"

And then, we reach another moment that I consider pivotal for Sakura's growth during this Clear Card Arc. The moment when she's on the verge of breaking down and finally lets all her feelings out.

Her anxiety over the dream with the Cloaked Figure reached the highest peak, so much that she finally manifests a Card, Mirage, that challenges her precisely with that appearance. While Sakura battles that Card (which at the moment she still believes it's an actual person), she seems resoluted to get to the bottom of this story, and to pull down that hood to know the truth. You can really feel that she's so done with all this psychological torture. The fact the real Syaoran appears right at that moment and she finds out the person she saw was just a Card is partly a relief for her, but also throws Sakura again in despair because who the hell is that person in the dream, then??

Syaoran, as the good and attentive boyfriend he is, can just feel that Sakura is stressing over something, so he brings her to his home to help her calming down. And to her umpteenth attempt at sweeping her negative emotions under the carpet, beating around the bush commenting over the tea with a fake smile, he cuts immediately her bullshit and just tells her : "You don't need to force yourself. Just tell me how you feel right now". When she hears that she's allowed to speak out her emotions with honesty, Sakura wears on her face one of the most heartbreaking expressions of the entire manga. She's literally about to break down in tears of exhaustion, as you can see it above. ☝️ Listening to her, gradually, Syaoran encourages Sakura to get out all that's been torturing her lately, particularly about the dream with the Cloaked Figure. It is a very difficult moment for her, because she has to relive the dream, and expose in front of him all the fears and doubts that were trying to tamper with her trust in him. Courageously, she goes through with it, even though her denial ("it's just a dream!") is so strong that she ends up creating another Card: "Dreaming". Sakura at first seems relieved to see the Card, in the hope that everything she saw was indeed a mere messed up dream and nothing else (see? she's again self-sabotaging her relationship with her magic) but Syaoran with his frankness is quick to bring her feet on the ground: the kanji on the Card show "yumemi", and the word can also indicate a "foretelling dream".

Although Sakura seems disheartened at first, her next dream with the Cloaked Figure is much more relaxed, so much that even the dragon doesn't particularly scare her anymore: our girl's intuition makes her correctly feel a sense of loneliness in this dream, which she attributes to the hooded figure, not realizing that it was more likely coming from the dragon itself (aka, Kaito). After all, in chapter 72, Lilie will confirm that her presence ended up distracting her from the one "character" she should've paid all of her attention to. Her intuition, despite being misattributed, ended up having a positive effect through the synchronization with Akiho: the girl will wake up with the same feeling of discomfort of her friend, and as if guided by hitsuzen, she will head to the garden where she'll find a sickly Kaito staring at the moon - most likely feeling the loneliness Sakura perceived in her dream. I like to think that in this scene of chapter 48, Sakura subconsciously helped Akiho comforting Kaito, by waking her up with the unresting feeling, precisely when Kaito needed it the most. Still not completely embraced her magical sixth sense yet, but a significant improvement.

The road between chapter 48 and chapter 52 is paved with lots of struggles, as the Mirror Sakura Card gets stolen by Kaito, Sakura runs the risk of being absorbed into Akiho's artifact again, she meets Momo for the first time and she's even given a hint about Kaito's plan (or what Momo thought was his plan, as he had benignly lied to her about that), but almost all of that gets rewound and erased when Kaito intervenes. Moreover, despite not remembering anything consciously, Sakura is left with a sense of unhappiness when she looks at her home, a remnant of her brief journey in the world of Momo's book which straight up threw her into despair, showing her what her life would be if everyone forgot about her. She also finds once again a Card produced out of nowhere, "Time": I'm convinced she produced this Card because her conscience was awake while Momo and Kaito talked in stopped time, and their conversation triggered her sixth sense to produce Time as a result. Needless to say, all of this worsens her state of mind once again, which leads to the other pivotal, and finally resolutive, scene of chapter 52.

Never Avert Your Eyes From Your Heart

We finally get to what I consider THE scene, the one that will definitively shake Sakura from her deadlock, from the anxiety that stunted her connection with her innate gift and her deepest emotions. And the one who helps her overcoming all her fears is, of course, the love of her life - with a honorable mention for none other than his mother Yelan!!

Chapter 52 got a very, very special place in my heart, because it's basically one giant parallel between SyaoSaku and YunaAki. The two pairings experience similar situations, but the response from one side of each pairing is quite different. Let's remind you for a moment of the part earlier in this post when I told you that Kaito and Sakura, for most of Clear Card, surprisingly have one thing in common: they don't seem to understand themselves well enough, and both have a tendency to look away from feelings that cause unrest to their hearts - anxiety for Sakura, love for Kaito.

Syaoran, always attentive and observant towards his girlfriend, notices immediately that Sakura is suffering, as soon as he sees her at school. Despite being unable to touch her to comfort her, he offers all of himself to support and listen to her concerns. Sakura is visibly and pleasantly surprised of how the boy could read behind her mask, that usual contrived smile with which she tries to dissimulate her emotions and not make him worry. A bad habit she's consolidated lately, but that Syaoran is gently determined to dismantle. After opening up with him (and this is where Sakura differs from Kaito - by having an established relationship made of love and trust with Syaoran, Sakura lowers her walls with him), she falls once again into the usual trap of "but maybe it's just my imagination" and I love to see how Syaoran is her anchor to the ground, making her see the concreteness of this situation: he straight up tells her "you produced a Card out of it, it cannot be 'just your imagination'. " And then, like a precious family gift, he passes on to her the priceless words of wisdom of his mother Yelan, an advice that not only Sakura, but also the other "lost soul" of the other paralleling pairing should listen to:

"People with magical power should never ignore the turmoil and stirring in their hearts, the so-called 'intuition'. And it’s not limited to people with magical powers. People should never avert their eyes from the changes in their heart."

This is a turning point for Sakura. These words seem to positively "break" something inside of her, showing her the correct path to follow. CLAMP beautifully portray this process of "embracing and assimilating" the words she's just heard, by making her place her hand over her heart. I love when they do that (they used the same visual when Akiho heard Kaito's true name, and 'wrote it' on the most important page of the book of her life). Sakura is truly grateful for the words Syaoran relayed to her, precisely what she needed to get out of her impasse with her feelings and magic. She knows she can always count on the support of her soulmate even in the darkest moments, and she's thankful for having him in her life.

From this moment onwards, Sakura will experience several instances where her magical premonitory senses give her signals through the "stirring" of her heart. Contrarily to before, she starts to actively take them seriously, listening, without dismissing them as the delirium of an anxious little girl. This allows her to activate the Siege Card in the fraction of a second, successfully shielding herself from Kaito's time magic, making her the first person ever who achieved that. This also leads her to effectively remember that she saw Kaito using magic, even when time was rewound by him, and contact immediately Syaoran to talk about it, planning how to move from that moment onwards. A little relapse on her bad habit is immediately dispelled by Syaoran, and our girl even goes as far as saying "there's something inside Akiho", even though she's not sure exactly why she's feeling that way. But it's an intuition she's having and she decides to not dismiss it anymore, with everyone trusting and supporting her in that direction. By listening more and better to what her heart tells her, Sakura also decides to not confront Akiho about Kaito and his magic, because she's well aware of the feelings Akiho got for Kaito and she doesn't want to potentially disrupt their relationship. So, she decides to wait for her friend to talk about it first.

Thanks to this better understanding of her own intuition, she also says in chapter 57 that she wants to meet the guardian of the book "Alice in Clockland" once more, despite not remembering if and when she's met her before. This also ultimately leads her to accept the role of Alice in the upcoming play scripted by her friend Naoko, because her sixth sense tells her that it's inevitable for her to do so. It's important to emphasize how the other characters support and encourage her to listen to her innate gift, at this point, without trampling over her self-determination like they did before.

It is a moment of big growth and character development for everyone.

The Ultimate Growth: Finding a Meaning and a Purpose

What happens afterwards is history: the fateful "Alice in Clockland" play unfolds, and Kaito completes his plan to push Sakura to create the Card he needs, exchanging his magic artifact (the watch) with Akiho's one (the book), in addition to activating the forbidden magic to rewrite the memories of everyone, to fit Akiho as part of Sakura's family.

Sakura's intuition will be crucial to wake her true self up while in Clockland, succeeding in beating Kaito's magic multiple times, till Syaoran comes in and gives the "final blow", cutting off the spell definitively.

And even when everything seems lost because Kaito successfully activated the fobidden magic, changing their memories and erasing himself from their existence, Sakura's magic and sixth sense keep making her say things she either already said or heard before in the "unrewritten world". Not only that, but even after meeting Lilie in a dream and forgetting her face (due to the strong influence of the forbidden spell), bit and pieces of that conversation keep coming back to her, and she listens dutifully to every single one of these "feelings". Kaito might have overridden part of their memories (only the ones concerning him, Akiho and the events connected to the creation of the Cards), but the experience, feelings and personal growth of each character were left untouched, that's why the chemistry between Sakura and Syaoran is the same as before the play started, but also Sakura's personal relationship with her magic is far better than before (an information that might have seemed random and unimportant is that now Sakura summons Mirror even just to chat, an indication of her completely changed perspective on her magic).

Now that Sakura finally embraced her magical power, all that's left for her is to find a true purpose for it.

A question echoes in my mind, "What am I creating these Cards for?". Sakura poses herself this question halfway through the story, and she finds the answer to it precisely at the end of the journey.

Her powerful magic intuition, combined with her immense empathy, leads her to realize that somebody is missing from their reality, and that person is the one Akiho loves. At this point Sakura is unstoppable: she wants to listen to the voice in her heart that's screaming "Go and help them!! Give the true happiness back to Akiho!", and everyone can only follow her lead as she assertively puts into practice what her heart is telling her to do.

Sakura in this final part of the story shines brighter than ever. She's more assertive and self-confident than ever. All of this is because there's something she strongly wants to do with her innate gift, as Eriol unequivocally says in chapter 75: her power grows exponentially again, but this time it's not out of her control - it is Sakura herself who's voluntarily boosting it, thanks to her strong wish. And that allows her to control it and use it exactly as she wants.

In chapter 79 her growth reaches the highest peak, by handling the resolution of Akiho and Kaito's personal problems in an admirable way (she steps aside for a moment to give Akiho all the agency she needed), but also finding herself in front of an uncomfortable dilemma, which leads her to an unavoidable reality: Sakura quickly understands that she cannot be on everyone's side and there are lines to be drawn at some point. She can't be a pure and oblivious girl forever. She needs to grow up. There are choices to be made, especially when dealing with real evil people.

And Sakura choses to go on with the people she loves, even if that means she has to "stain" her "moral record" a little bit.

Empowered by this strong wish to fix the situation, she literally gives life to a miracle, protecting her dear friend and her beloved from the grasp of their abusers, simultanously giving everyone their true memories back. The effort exerts her greatly, but what she achieved is by far the most important thing she's ever done with her magic power till now: she helped two dear people lost in a life-and-death situation. Her magical growth went along with her personal, mental one.

This is also the reason why the accusations of "the other magicians should've trained her" end up being in vain: Sakura's problem with her powers was mainly on a personal level, not on a technical one. This was a journey she had to mainly walk by herself, finding the right balance and confidence in her abilities, deep down in her heart.

No one could've done that for her.

Merely training the practical aspect of it would've just worsened the situation, because Sakura wouldn't have been truly "in it" with her heart and mind. She needed to go through this process of growth, before reaching this stage of self-awareness in relation to her magic powers. I truly feel this is the reason why CLAMP made certain choices inside this story. Again, as I always say, a good part of Cardcaptor Sakura does revolve around magic, but the main focus and linchpin of this story is and always will be the main character's heart, her growth and the interpersonal relationships with her loved ones.

This makes Clear Card Arc, in my opinion, a worthy sequel and a full-fledged part of the Cardcaptor Sakura series. I think those who decide to skip it or read it with a superficial approach miss a journey of tremendous growth for our beloved protagonist.

So much for those who kept saying "This is not Sakura's story".

How can all that ☝️ NOT be Sakura's story?

I'll let you judge. 😊

Extra: The Significance of the Clear Cards

I want to digress for a moment about a thorny topic: the significance of the Clear Cards in this story.

Sakura isn't always completely passive towards the events happening around her, but wonders several times during the story why all those Cards are manifesting like that. While the first and easiest answer is of course "because her powers are going out of control" (and this is something Momo herself questions Sakura about in chapter 50), it becomes apparent at some point that the more the story goes on, the more the Cards that are created by her are particularly relevant and connected to the events that will happen in the final part of the story.

I know this is a sore spot for many who complain about not understanding the purpose of the Clear cards. It's because people tend to compare this set of Cards with the ones Sakura captured previously. That's not the right way to look at them, because their origin and purpose are different and change throughout the story. Forget about the Sakura Cards, even though so many of these "Clear Cards" (which are never called so, not even once, in the story itself, but just "new cards" or "transparent cards") might look so similar in purpose to the previous ones.

First of all, the Clear Cards are an outlet for Sakura to vent in a healthy way her power in excess. Power that if kept inside, untapped and confined in her body, might have unpredictable harmful effects on her (<- probably the grief Yelan foresaw). God bless the Clear Cards for existing and allowing Sakura to vent out these bouts of uncontrolled power in a relatively safe way.

The Cards that Sakura produces in the beginning are sometimes reminiscing of the Sakura Cards, because her power manifests itself basing on Sakura's experiences, feelings, thoughts and wishes. The Sakura Cards are an important part of her life (before Syaoran took them, she literally acted like their "mom", keeping them alive with her power) so it's only normal that the first base for some of these new Cards would be a magic tool that she already knows. In this sense, it becomes easier to understand why many of the "captures" seem so easy, way too easy compared to what a reader would expect from a sequel: the goal of the capture here isn't to make her power and experience in capturing cards grow. She already had 2 arcs to do all of that. The capture of the Cards in this third arc becomes something new and unexpected: a "damage control" of a regrettable situation with Sakura's powers, while she learns to dominate them and enter into harmony with her supernatural abilities. The growth Sakura needs here is mainly a mental one. Performing her magical power aimlessly without having a true connection with it and a true understanding will only exacerbate the problem. This is the reason why, despite having a "capture" element, Clear Card derails from the previous arcs in the purpose of the capture. It's a pity that an element that should've brought freshness to the plot was in many cases received as an actual flaw.

In the beginning, as Sakura's power is completely out of her control, some Cards might look completely random too - they don't look based on Cards, thoughts or wishes (like Appear, Reflect, Action, etc.). But pay attention, because the more the story goes on, the more the Cards begin to become particularly specific to something that shook Sakura's heart in that moment, or referencing events/feelings that will become pivotal to the events Sakura will experience later. Especially regarding Kaito's plan. Many of the later Cards Sakura produces are a direct reflection of the feelings and wishes that Kaito infused in the activation of the forbidden magic, with the creation of "the story for Akiho", the one he wanted to absolutely have a happy ending for. Cards like Repair, Promise, Choice, Kindness, True and False, Synchronization, Rewind....many of them didn't even get to express their magical abilities in a "conventional way" (everyone expected to see Sakura literally activating them like she does with all the others), but it's just because at that point the Cards Sakura is producing are born following her premonitory intuition: thanks to the hints/speeches that those Cards give her in Clockland, Sakura little by little regains consciousness of her true self (it's a pity that many English readers will never realize all the times Sakura was about to "wake up" in Clockland, because the translation didn't respect the change in fonts of the JP text). Sakura wasn't supposed to "use" them in a conventional way (how do you "use" Kindness? You force people to be "kind"? 🤨 and what about Choice??), she was supposed to listen to them and let them guide her towards the truth. This is also the reason why all of these Cards bear the face of her loved ones. Think of them as tarots. Which is, incidentally, another use of the original Clow/Sakura Cards. I am basically sure of this interpretation because the kanji of some of those Cards I mentioned above are brought up during the climax: particularly when Akiho talks to Kaito in chapter 78, she uses two specific verbs, referring to Kindness (慈愛 - a kind of gentle and tender love) when she describes the love and support her family gives her in this rewritten world, and to Choice (選択) when she questions Kaito about his choice to disappear completely from her life. So to summarize, the last Cards Sakura produced "accidentally" weren't accidental at all, but were actually specifically produced by her power in reference to Kaito's plan, to help her finding the way out to a dire situation. This represents a very important indicator in the plot: at that stage of the story, Sakura started to listen more and more to her intuition and her sixth sense, finally quitting her bad habit of downplaying it ("maybe it's just me") but actually giving it credit and taking it seriously, trusting her instinct to lead her in the right direction. And this was, of course, all thanks to the speech Syaoran gave her back in chapter 52. It is also the case of the Rewind Card, which Sakura will ultimately understand the purpose of on her own, at the very end of the series. That's the moment where everything will become clear and make sense to her: "This Card, too...I created it precisely for this moment". The Clear Cards ultimately became the embodiment of her foretelling powers. Which then led to the birth of the first two consciously created Cards, Blank & Remind, which will become so important in the climax.

If we ever get a new arc in the next years, we'll certainly deal with a more mature Sakura, who's more in sync with her magical powers 🩷.

[sundrop-writes]

One Moment Per Episode With Dick Grayson

Season One, Episode Two: "Hawk and Dove"

Summary:

Even though Dick denies that he needs your help, you can't let other innocent people - like Hank, Dawn, and Rachel - get caught in the crossfire of his stubbornness and annoyance toward you.

So when you have a vision of Dick fleeing back to some of the only friends he knows, you don't hesitate to chase him. And yes - you make sure to bring coffee this time.

Dick Grayson x Fem!Powered!Reader. Childhood Friends/Exes to Lovers. Emotional Angst and Bantering/Humor. Set during Season 1, Episode 2.

Word Count: 6,000

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link | Series Masterlist

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: the reader uses she/her pronouns - I still want to warn that some people might accuse this character of being an OC/might consider this an OC, but the reader received a great reception in the last chapter, so you guys might like her uniqueness if you read this; as usual with my stories, the majority of pronouns used in the fic are you/yours; and other than clothing style and a scar that informs her backstory, the reader's looks are not described and are left vague (as far as race, body type, hair colour, etc. - those things are not described); the reader character does have powers - the reader character is psychic and can see glimpses of the future in dream-like visions; the reader actually has a vision in this one (and there is more descriptions of her visions in general) (looking back, I wish I would have opened the first chapter on a vision of the apocalypse but oh well); the reader and Dick are 'exes' - their relationship was never official (they never explicitly called each other boyfriend/girlfriend), but they used to have sex often (and they both have feelings for each other that they never openly spoke about), and they are childhood friends, so there is a lot of emotional history there; this fic uses Y/N; this whole chapter (and this whole series, really) involves intense criticism of Dick's character - the Titans version specifically - so if you don't like that and if you don't like the Titans characterization of him, then turn back now; mentions of canon-typical violence; non-graphic descriptions of Dick having an infected wound as a child (speaking to his characterization); mentions of non-canon character deaths - happening in non-canon branching paths in the reader's visions (things that don't come true, but have the opportunity to come true if she doesn't interfere); mentions of gun violence; lots of stereotypical monogamous jealousy going on here - some canon, and some not (not the kind of thing my poly ass typically writes, but it does well with Dick's toxic personality, so I like it) - Hank being jealous of Dick and Dawn's reunion, and Dick trying to evoke jealousy from the reader over his past relationship with Dawn (though I have made it clear in the text that Dick doesn't have feelings for Dawn anymore); Dick accidentally pointing a gun at the reader (because of mistaken identity); this time there is equal pining and horniness between Dick and the reader (mostly because I am a simp for Dick in that navy button down shirt, unf); mentions of Dick's past trauma (the death of his parents) and his PTSD reactions because of it; mentions of Dick and the reader having sex in the past and their sexual desire toward each other and some mild sexual themes, but there is no explicit smut in this chapter (there might be some in future chapters); the reader gets injured in a fight with The Family; mentions of Dawn's canon injuries and subsequent coma; I believe that's it for this part.

A/N: I actually wanna say that this chapter was complete and ready to be edited in my drafts, and because of the comments and feedback I got on the last chapter, I actually went in and made some additions to this chapter. People really seemed to like the banter between Dick and the reader character, and there wasn't much of it in this part, so I made sure to add more of it - because if you guys tell me that you like a certain aspect of a fic, I will play up that aspect in future chapters or in future fics. That is why commenting matters. Writers listen to your detailed feedback and put it into future stories - we aren't just looking for comments to stroke our egos. So if you guys like this chapter and the banter in it, know that you helped shape it from what it originally was!

...

Dick had basically told you to fuck off - he didn’t want to be involved, but he already was. 

The events were already set into motion around him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it now. So - rather than turn around and go all the way back home, you had simply gotten a hotel room in Detroit, waiting for him to ask for your help, or waiting for some signal that he would truly need you. 

You fell into an easy sleep, and soon - that signal came to you. 

… 

A rooftop. Two old friends. Tense smiles under a beautifully bright day that didn’t suit them.

“She killed someone?” Dawn nods toward Rachel, who is sitting beside the large dove house that Hank built, looking at the gentle animals in quiet fascination. She feels peaceful in their presence. “She’s just a kid.” 

That’s what he wants. He wants everyone to underestimate her. 

“Whoever they are, they’ve got people in the department.” Dick replies. 

He’s talking about the people who kidnapped her right out from under his nose - the ones who nearly succeeded in making her a ritual sacrifice. Just one of many forces that were coming after her. One of many forces that seek to harm her. 

“We needed somewhere safe to regroup.” He adds on. “And think about what I’m gonna do.” 

Somewhere safe? 

“What about Bruce?” Dawn poses. 

Of course Dick wouldn’t go fleeing back to him. Daddy issues. He thinks of Dawn and Hank as his true family. The Titans have always been his true family. Since losing the Circus, it’s the only family that he’s known. 

Oh. Somewhere safe. Of course. 

Dick visibly shudders at the thought of going back to Bruce. “He’s no good with kids.” 

That's an understatement. 

“A cop, huh?” Dawn gives him a small grin. “That’s one I never would’ve figured.” 

Well, he seeks out order. But he's a stubborn, bull-headed person who demands to be the leader at all times. He’s terrible at following rules that he hasn't made - terrible at falling under someone else's authority. He thinks that being a police officer is bringing forth real justice. 

It was never meant to last. 

Dick knew this. He doesn’t like admitting his own faults. So, he rushes to change the subject. 

“How are you?” He asks Dawn, clearly curious. 

It’s almost as though he wants her to say that her life has been notably worse without the Titans. Just like his has been. 

It's been too long since he's spoken to her. He loves running without looking back. It’s something that he’s very good at. 

“We’re great.” Dawn answers, flashing him a smile. She's insistent on this ‘we' - reminding Dick that she's not alone. She's not a single person anymore. “Hank’s feeling the life a little. Age waits for no man, and all that.”

Of course. This should have been obvious to him, but he’s a little too absorbed in his own problems to consider it. 

“How bad?” Dick asks the obvious question. 

“Two fractures, three concussions in the last year, and a herniated disc.” Dawn replies honestly. 

Dick has been through worse. He acts like it’s nothing, but it’s not. He’s the type of man to attempt to put a band-aid on a bullet wound. While traveling with the Circus, he stepped on a nail once, and tried to hide it from his parents - pulled it out himself and only told them when the wound began to fester and get infected. 

Fiercely independent and stubborn, even back then. 

“Jesus, Dawn.” 

Yet, he acts as though this is surprising. He acts as though this isn’t the norm when you exchange your bodily safety for the safety of others. 

“We’re still good out there, Dick.” She presses, sounding as though she is trying to convince herself. They need the team. That’s what’s missing. The downfall of her confidence. “Really good. But one slip-up-” 

“You should quit.” Dick declares this firmly, confidently. He always believes his own authority as fact. “You both should.” 

Deep down, he knows that both Dawn and Hank will never quit. Like himself, they do not take well to ‘retirement’. They will die doing this job or they will find quieter ways to keep doing good - but they will never rest. Rest feels too selfish. 

“That’s the plan.” Dawn replies. It feels like a lie coming out of her mouth, and she smiles around the discomfort of it. “As soon as we take out these gun suppliers he’s obsessed with. One more chance to do some good and then he promised he’s out.”

Suddenly, there was a flash of something else. 

Guns. Piles and piles of guns. Dawn being shot in the head from behind. Bright red blood soaking into white hair. A sneak attack while they have their guard down. Hank, overwhelmed by grief, unable to consider his own life as enemies surround him. 

He is forcefully pulled off her limp body. 

His screams bounce off the concrete walls as he is chained up and tortured. 

Things never go according to plan, do they? 

Dick gives her a sharp look as he considers the possibilities. Almost as if, due to his paranoia, he too can see the future. 

He wants to offer his help, or tell them simply not to go, but Dawn steals the words off his tongue. 

“You could help us out.” She remarks brightly. 

Yes, he could. He should. 

Another flash of similar events. 

This ends just as bloody. Similar howls of pain echo through the warehouse. Hank is limping as Dawn supports him, but all three of them are alive. They all make it back to the apartment alive. 

Dick is working on his personal definition of justice. It’s not exactly clean. (But it works.) 

But still, he hesitates. 

“I’m out of the life, Dawn.” 

Liar. 

Suddenly, Hank appears. He is surprisingly quiet for someone so large. 

“The hell are you doin’ here, Dick?” He barks out the name like poison - in a harsh, jutting way that many others have done before him. 

Everyone becomes tense. It’s an unwelcome reunion. 

“Hank.” Dawn speaks his name curtly - a reminder. Mind your temper. 

“I had a situation.” Dick tries to explain himself, being far too vague. 

But again, how does one cleanly summarize encountering a young girl with powers like Rachel’s and being so unsure how to handle it? And of course, Dick hates to admit being unsure of himself. He hates to admit needing help. He prefers to phrase things delicately - as though this were a choice, a fun day trip, rather than the desperate fleeing that it truly is. 

“Nice little reunion you got goin’ here.” Hank says sarcastically. 

“You know it’s not like that.” Dick replies. 

He is right, but poor at defending himself against Hank’s flare of jealousy. He is so walled off that he doesn’t dare to admit he doesn’t have eyes for Dawn anymore, even in the slightest. That relationship was nice, but those feelings died out long ago. He simply can’t see her in a romantic light anymore because his heart belongs to someone he believes could never want him in return. 

Follies for another time. 

“Sure looks like it to me.” Hank grunts in return. 

“Hank.” Dawn says his name sharper this time, capturing his attention as he stares at Dick with fire burning in his eyes. 

She nods toward Rachel, who is staring at all of them with confusion. 

It’s her. She’s the reason why we’re all here. She’s the reason we’re all going to be alive years from now. 

“What the fuck?” Hank is confused. Reasonable. 

“Can we just go back inside, please?” 

Good idea. 

… 

You woke up in a cold sweat, fumbling around numbly to turn on the lamp of the hotel room that you were staying in. Having your mind widen across the astral plane could be absolutely exhausting. 

Of course Dick had gone back to them. 

Looks like you were headed to DC. 

…

“Dawn, you can’t hit this job. Look at the number of security contractors here-” 

“Come on, don’t change the subject.” 

Dawn was cut off from speaking any further by a loud thud coming from the front door. Something almost akin to a knock. Hank (who had gone out to pick up some beer) had a key, so - that definitely wasn’t him. Rachel was in the guest room watching Game of Thrones - 

Dick and Dawn exchanged a look, both thinking the same thing. 

There was someone at the door. Someone unannounced.

And whoever was at the door might be someone looking for Rachel - someone seeking to harm her. In the kind of silent communication that had only been developed over years of working together as a team, Dick gave Dawn a nod and she calmly raised from her chair to go and check on Rachel. And then he grabbed his service pistol, flicking the safety off and cocking it - he swiftly walked to the front door, and while pointing the gun at whoever was outside. 

It was a clear warning, and also ready to fire if the person tried barging in. Dick opened the door slowly, and peered into the hallway, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as he waited to see who it was. 

You. 

It was you. 

He let out a sharp breath of relief when the information fully penetrated his brain - the fact that it was you standing there, and not someone intending to do him or Rachel harm. Not an enemy. 

You were standing there as innocently as ever, wearing a red dress with a beautiful paisley pattern on it - still sporting those same brown leather boots and that same cozy jacket. Again, you looked so damn beautiful, and it shouldn’t have been comforting, and Dick shouldn’t have been filled with want. You were holding a paper tray full of coffee cups - which you had pressed against your breast for balance, and in the other hand, you had a large brown bag that seemed to be full of pastries from the smell. 

“Fuck.” He swore sharply, his arm still holding the gun up stiffly - his body still filled with the conflicting fight or flight response pumping through him, unanswered. 

You let out a bright laugh at this, seemingly amused by Dick’s tense aura. 

“Your greetings get more pleasant everytime I see you, Dick.” You said, nodding toward the gun that was still extended in your direction. 

He let out another tense breath, and forcefully unlocked his forearm then, in order to put the gun down. He put the safety back on and tucked it into the back of his waistband as he opened the door fully to let you inside. 

“You really are such a warm and welcoming person.” You added on, sarcasm ripe in your voice. 

“You’re an asshole.” Dick replied, still feeling the ache of a fight or flight response tearing through him as he tried to calm down. 

He knew that you hadn’t meant to scare him - or maybe you had, seeing as you hadn’t apologized, and seemed to find the whole thing entirely amusing. But at least you weren’t someone that he actually needed to shoot. So that was a plus. 

“I am not.” You replied snarkily, stepping past Dick and making your way into the apartment. “I’m nice. You told me that next time I should bring coffee, and I did. That’s the farthest thing from being an asshole.” 

“Dick, what’s going on?” Dawn called out, stepping out from the guest room with Rachel hot on her heels. 

Realization spread across her features when she saw you placing your goodies on the counter as Dick closed and locked the front door. 

“Y/N,” Dawn smiled, walking over to give you a hug after you had set everything down. 

You embraced her tightly for a moment before she pulled away with a smile. Dick rolled his eyes at this - still annoyed at your presence. He would never admit it, but he was upset that Dawn was much happier to see you than she had been when he had arrived. 

“Another friend?” Rachel asked, hovering at the edge of the kitchen, slightly hesitant of you. 

“A good friend.” Dawn confirmed, shining her smile toward Rachel. “Rachel, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is-” 

“Rachel. Hi.” You cut off Dawn as she made the introduction, giving a gentle wave toward Rachel while she nodded shyly at you. 

“A friend who’s not supposed to be here.” Dick added on gruffly. 

“Grumpy grumps don’t get danishes.” You said, holding up the large brown paper bag. 

Dick sighed and rolled his eyes, wanting to protest about you distracting from the larger point with pastries - but technically, he had asked you to bring them. 

“We’ve got… a medium vanilla latte for Dawn,” You pulled the cup out of the tray, now doling out the coffee orders. It was something that you knew partially from memory, and partially from the omnipotence that came with your powers.

She took it with a quiet ‘thank you’. 

“A small black coffee with extra sugar for Rachel.” You offered her the paper cup, and she loosened up on her hesitance toward you, eagerly leaning in to grab it. She smiled at the fact that you knew her preference and didn’t question her for drinking coffee at such a young age. 

“Thanks.” She said brightly. 

“A large black coffee for grumpy pants.” You said, holding out a cup towards Dick. 

When he reached for it, you teasingly swiped it back before you actually gave it to him, and he heaved out another sigh. 

“Are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?” He asked sharply as he popped open the lid on the cup and took a sip. 

You decided to ignore him. 

“And an Americano for Hank.” You went on speaking about the coffee, rather than answering Dick’s question. “What kind of sociopath drinks watered down espresso anyway?” 

“He-” Dawn spoke up, about to tell you that Hank was at the store, not even there to enjoy it while it was still hot. But then, there was the sound of lock and key in the door and it came bursting open. 

“Dawn, I got your stupid fru-fru coconut ice cream. I had to go to three different stores for it, and-” 

When Hank saw everyone gathered in the kitchen, including the surprising addition of you, he glared as he kicked the door shut behind him. 

“Well, isn’t this a real goddamn-” 

“A real goddamn summer camp.” You cut him off, literally stealing the words out of his mouth. 

“God, I fucking hate it when you do that.” Hank sighed, a visible stiffness running through him - similar to the way Dick looked when you said ominous things. He was creeped out and defensive at the same time. 

“Would a pecan cinnamon roll make you feel better?” You posed, pulling a smaller bag out of the bag of pastries and offering it to him. 

“You know, you always were my favorite.” He replied, quickly changing his tune as he came to grab the treat from you, a snarky smile spreading across his lips. 

Dick reached for the brown bag sitting on the counter to get one of those danishes you had mentioned. You saw this out of the corner of your eye, and you snatched it away from him. You had meant what you said. He tensed up visibly but didn’t argue. 

Dawn giggled, pointedly looking between the two of you before she reached into the bag herself - of course, only for you to slide it closer to her. 

Dick sighed harshly and tried to move on from the subject. “Now, are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here?” 

…

It wasn’t long before Dick sequestered you away, demanding answers. He dragged you into Dawn and Hank’s bathroom, actually. This left Dawn to awkwardly fill the space with Rachel, who was wondering who you were, and was asking more questions as she sensed the tension between you and Dick. Meanwhile, Hank scarfed down his pecan bun without a single care about the circumstances of your visit now that he was fed. 

You sat on the edge of the bathtub with your arms crossed, looking at Dick with firm calculation, just like you always did, waiting for him to speak. He shoved his hands in his pockets - something that made his whole stance tense and broad and horribly appealing. It was something that reminded you that he had stayed perfectly fit since you had last seen him - and he had nothing but fine, firm muscles under that shirt. 

You forced yourself to focus as he stiffened his jaw and stared right back at you. 

“Well?” He scoffed. 

“‘Well’ what, Grayson?��� You nagged back, knowing fully well what he meant. 

He sharply rolled his eyes. That seemed to be a reaction that you invoked from him quite frequently. 

“Why the hell did you follow me?” He sighed, his breath too tired to be as fully demanding as he intended. 

You wondered when the last time he had slept was. He was someone who wore insomnia strangely well, especially considering that Bruce had driven him to be sleepless since his teen years. It was something that he was accustomed to by now, so he never got the ‘bags under eyes’, ‘half dead’ thing that most other people did when they didn’t sleep. He simply looked like himself. 

You hated how much internal destruction and self abuse suited him. 

“Who says I followed you?” You replied, your natural instinct toward snark acting up again. “Maybe I just felt like dropping by. Dawn and Hank are my friends, too.” 

You almost added on ‘apparently they like me more than they like you, anyway’ - but you didn’t feel the need to kick him so badly when he was already down. 

Dick let out a quiet growl, reaching up to firmly pinch the bridge of his nose with his finger and a thumb. 

Already, you were wearing his patience thin. 

You knew that you couldn’t tell him the truth. 

One thing you knew for certain - Dick Grayson was a control freak. It was something that had been carved into him by trauma and fully solidified by years of training with Bruce. 

That night, so long ago - having his parents slip out from his grasp when he had been so young, while performing a routine that they were known for courageously doing without a safety net. A routine that they were so certain of and knew so well, having never factored in the act of murderous sabotage that ultimately killed them - it made Dick want to obsessively control every single aspect of his life and everyone else’s around him. 

Not only did he want to help those around him avoid danger, but he wanted the people around him to behave exactly how he imagined that they should at all times. 

He was constantly on the lookout for frayed ropes - for the unexpected variables that might be the downfall of someone that he loved. He felt that his parents’ death had been his fault, that he hadn’t been diligent enough that night, so he needed to be hypervigilant in every other aspect of his life to keep more people from dying. 

It was part of the reason that you bothered him so much. You were always unexpected - always a wild variable that he had to chase down. Whether it was your actions, your words, or your reactions to the things that he did and said - he felt like he could never predictably nail you down, and he absolutely fucking hated it. (It was probably also one of the reasons that he got such a fantastic release from fucking you - but that was a box of emotional issues he was not yet willing to open.) 

But - being the control freak that he was - he liked to try and control the outcome of your visions. 

Yes, you did see the future in your visions. And yes, the version of that future that you saw could sometimes be changed. It was part of the reason that you tried to interfere to stop bad things. You had seen many things before that had never come true - both good things and terrible things. 

But you had warned Dick time and time again that the future is not random. You never saw simple flashes of random possible outcomes and one of those realities might come true. No - you saw people’s intentions. You saw the results of the choices that people make. 

If someone intended to commit a murder - you would see death. If they changed their mind - you would see life. If someone interfered to stop that murder - the future could change in a lot of strange ways because of it. 

Life is a winding path with a lot of branches to it, and when someone makes a choice, some of those branches die off. 

Dick Grayson’s controlling, all mighty, ‘need to interfere’ mindset certainly had a way of changing the future. He constantly felt the need to use the information from your visions to force people into making the ‘right’ choice. But sometimes, on the path we choose to avoid our fate, we run headfirst into it. 

You were never going to tell him - but Dick and his controlling nature had gotten people killed before. 

You had discovered over time that it was better to simply not tell him things - to hold back information until it was the right time for him to hear it. 

“Do you actually enjoy being irritating?” Dick rasped harshly at you. “Or is it just something that you’re good at?” 

You shrugged. “Probably both.” 

He let out another stiff breath. 

“Look, I’m here for Rachel.” You said, trying to correct course. “She’s mourning, she’s confused, her powers are out of control. She needs someone to help guide her. Someone who might be able to show her how to keep her powers under control.” 

“O-kay.” Dick said, clearly dubious, not fully convinced. He looked at you with his brows firmly knit, and you felt the need to further convince him. 

“Look, I’m not stalking you if you think that’s what it is.” You added on. “I had a vision, I saw you and Dawn on the roof-” 

“Okay, okay, I get it now.” Dick smirked sarcastically, crossing his arms firmly over his chest, making his biceps bulge inside of his button down shirt in a way that was far too appealing. 

Focus - you reminded yourself. Focus. 

“What?” You replied, genuinely confused. 

“You don’t like me spending time with Dawn.” He declared, continuing to smirk at you as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

More than anything, this left you utterly fucking confused. 

“What?” You chuckled, repeating the word like a gaping parrot - a nervous, awkward edge in your voice. 

You liked Dawn. She was one of your best friends. 

And you didn’t give a rat’s ass if Dick and Dawn spent time together. Especially because you knew that Dick coming here was him fleeing to a friend while in crisis, not him looking for a hookup. Especially not while Dawn and Hank were together. Dawn was nothing if not intensely loyal. 

And nothing would have happened while Hank was in the apartment. You had never seen Dick and Hank fight - but Hank was just a bit bigger, and because of his upbringing, he had absolutely no qualms about fighting dirty, even when he was fighting a friend. So you knew who you would bet on in that fight. 

So - what the hell was Dick talking about? 

Even with your strange sense of omnipotence, you couldn’t tell at the time - Dick was baiting you. Hard. He wanted you to flip out, to get jealous. 

It was the emotionally stunted thing to do, but he wanted to see some sense that you cared. 

At least Hank going full cave-man mode upon seeing Dick meant that he thought what he had with Dawn was precious and worth protecting. It meant that he saw Dick as a threat. 

When you continued to stare at Dick with nothing but confusion, gaping like a fish, he flailed, realizing what a terrible move this was. And for some stupid reason, instead of dropping the subject altogether, he dug himself deeper into the hole. 

“You know, the thing with me and Dawn is all in the past.” He said, mentally squirming, waiting to see how you would react. “There’s really nothing going on between us.” 

“Yeah.” You smoothed your lips into a firm line, completely uncaring about this line of conversation. “Good for you.” 

Perhaps mistaking the annoyance in these words as the jealousy that he was so urgently seeking, his tone completely changed then. Like a child throwing a tantrum, he had gotten the negative energy that he wanted from the interaction - so he kept on digging in. 

“Okay, you know what?” He snapped. “If you’re not gonna tell me why you’re really here, then I’m just gonna have to assume that you’re bullshitting.” 

“Oh, I’m bullshitting?” You replied, resisting the urge to break into a grin. 

He had seen solid proof of your powers on many occasions. He had seen you do things that couldn’t be proven by science. So why was he only accusing you of ‘bullshitting’ right now?

“Yes.” He replied stoically. “You didn’t see anything - you don’t actually know anything. You don’t know shit. You’re probably just guessing, and making shit up as you go along and hoping people will believe you.” 

“Okay.” You shrugged. 

You were unphased by this declaration. You knew by now to trust your visions - even if Dick was revoking that trust. You knew that you had solid information, and if you didn’t follow it, the lives of the people that you loved were at risk. 

You guessed that this was just Dick throwing a tantrum because you wouldn’t share that information with him. 

Dick ground his teeth. Unconsciously, he was still intensely frustrated that he hadn’t gotten more of a reaction out of you. Whether it was the information that he was looking for - or some greater sense of anger or urgency that he felt when you were around. But he needed something. He needed to know that you still felt something because of him.

You were always so damn calm. Far too calm for his liking.

“You’re just guessing.” He pressed on. “It’s not that hard to know I would come here. You just fucking followed me because-” 

“So you’re saying that all the military tactics Bruce taught you never paid off, and you’re intensely predictable when fleeing under pressure?” You chuckled, pointing out the flaws in his own logic. 

Dick flinched. 

He hated how uncomfortable your words made him. Squirming in that discomfort - he went low. 

“And you’re admitting that you’re just a bullshit carnival psychic like your mother was?” 

It was a tender wound. 

The moment that your face fell - shifting from mild amusement at your own joke to intense pain and hurt - Dick’s insides recoiled with regret. 

“Y/N-” He sighed. 

“Nope.” You cut him off sharply, shoving past him. 

He let you, finally allowing you to escape the tense air of the bathroom so you could go out and properly catch up with Dawn while drinking your coffee. 

… 

No matter how angry you were with him, you couldn’t let him die. 

Even as you laughed and chatted with Dawn, and got to know Rachel a bit, you couldn’t get the flashes of horrifying possible futures out of your mind. 

… 

Where is Dick Grayson? Where is Dick Grayson? Where is he? 

A crazed family singing showtunes. A skipping rope being used as a whip - knives plunging through flesh. Torture. Pain. Screams. 

You saw Dick fleeing with Rachel in the night, believing that he had made the right decision to protect her. Believing that he was keeping you, and Dawn and Hank safe. You heard a sharp screech of tires as he was cut off on a dark backroad by an old-fashioned station wagon with wooden paneling. A car crash. Dick flew through the front windshield - and as he bled to death, his last moments were spent hearing Rachel’s cries for help as she was dragged from the car. 

Bad decision. 

Dick spoke about ‘some job’ that Hank and Dawn were planning and instantly, there were flashes through your mind of Dawn shot in the head, laying on the floor in a pool of her own blood - Hank’s screams of anguish as he was chained and tortured. 

They need his help. 

Why were you there? 

To stop those bad decisions. Hopefully. 

You couldn’t explain it all to Dick - you couldn’t play it all out for him so simply. He was a control freak. If you told him all the details, then he would insist on making a choice. He would insist on running the play. And he might make one of those stupid choices. You had to avoid making the same mistake that your mother had. Don’t give those stubborn, powerful men too much information and trust them to use it wisely - because they most likely won’t. 

“You should go with them.” You told Dick, your voice curt - the first time that you had acknowledged him in hours. 

He seemed shocked by you even looking in his direction, let alone speaking to him after the comment he had made. 

“Look, Y/N-” 

“I’ll stay with Rachel.” You added on. 

When Rachel eagerly agreed to this, it seemed to seal the deal for him. 

He acted as though it was his plan all along. 

Whatever made him feel better about it. 

… 

You and Rachel ended up on the rooftop. She gravitated toward the doves - she found them calming, as she told you. 

“How do you know Dick?” She asked you, clearly unable to keep down that curiosity that was naturally biting at her. 

With the cool night air whipping at your cheeks, you found it easy to be vulnerable with her. 

“We grew up together.” You told her. 

“You were a part of the Circus?” She asked, giving a small amused grin at the thought. 

“Yes.” You confirmed, mirroring her smile. Sometimes the nostalgia was painful, but unlike Dick, you didn’t try to forget it. “My mother was a fortune teller - a psychic. She was considered one of the best. People would come from miles around, or even follow the Circus from place to place just to have their palm read by her.” 

Rachel laughed at this, clearly amused. 

“So what - she had a big crystal ball, and she would read the lines on your hand to tell you how long you’re gonna live?” 

You shrugged. 

“Something like that.” You confirmed.

There was a beat of silence. Knowing what Rachel was going through, you felt the need to confess something to her. 

“My mother - she died when I was about your age.” You told her, knowing that it was likely something she needed to hear. 

It can always be comforting to know that you’re not alone. 

Rachel looked at you with large, piercing eyes - heavy grief still dancing there. It was still so fresh. Your heart ached for her. 

“What happened?” She asked. 

With her powers, you were surprised that she didn’t already know. 

But you thought it apt to explain it to her. 

“My mother didn’t just do card tricks and read palms.” You said. “She was special. Special like us, special.” 

A distinct look of dawning came across Rachel’s features. 

“She had powers.” She said softly. 

You nodded. 

“So, wait - are these kinds of powers… genetic?” She asked eagerly, seeming to perk with interest at this. 

Suddenly, a million long-dead questions about a father she had never known overtook her like a tidal wave. 

Obviously, her mother had been perfectly normal. Had she gotten her powers from her father? If she found him, would he be able to tell her who she truly was? 

“I suppose so.” You answered meekly, hating that you didn’t know for certain. “I hate that I can’t say for sure.” 

Rachel’s face fell at this.

Then, something occurred to her. 

“How did your mom’s powers kill her?” She asked. 

“It - it wasn’t really her powers that killed her.” You began to explain. “It was more… the way she used them.” 

Rachel looked at you expectantly, and you continued. 

“Before she died… she saw what happened to Dick’s parents in a vision. How they died.” You explained. “She tried to stop it, and the people who were intent on killing them weren’t too happy about it. So they killed her too.” 

It was a fate that you were constantly trying to avoid - stumbling into death while trying to save those that you loved. It was one of the reasons that you put up with so much attitude from Dick Grayson. You would much rather have him alive and giving you lip than have him dead because of some mistake that you made. 

Rachel looked pensive for a moment - watching the birds as they rested in their large cage. 

“Is that why you’re helping us now?” She asked quietly. “You’re trying to keep us from getting killed?” 

“I’m doing my best.” You remarked, anxious hope ripe in your voice. 

…

Clustering voices. A tense argument. 

It was broken up by - 

“Hello there.” 

The faux sweetness of a dangerous stranger. 

Fear shook you. The sound gave you a sense of deja vu. You recognized them from a far off vision. 

Before you could warn the others, it broke into a brutal fight. 

You used all the training you had, but you were distracted by Dick being thrown off the roof. Something hit you in the head, hard - you heard Dawn cry out for help, and you saw a cluster of blonde hair and limbs as she went flying. 

Rachel screamed and reached out for you and you desperately reached back - you were dizzy and blinking heavily and didn’t even remember being knocked down. 

“Dawn! Dawn!” 

You heard Dick shouting urgently and then you realized in horror that she might be dead. 

Dawn. 

You were sluggish and felt wetness on the side of your face that must have been blood, but you forcibly peeled yourself off the ground, stumbling toward the sound of Dick’s voice - toward the fire escape. You tripped down a few of the stairs, your blurred eyes only focused on the shape of them - him crouching over her body, blonde hair splayed across the pavement, limp legs. 

She’s not dead. 

She can’t be. 

When you made it to her, you fell to your knees beside her. With the last of her energy, she locked eyes with you. 

Fear. Anxiety. Terror. Trust. 

She knew that you would help her. 

Her eyes drifted closed, and Dick panicked. 

“Dawn, Dawn!” 

“Be quiet.” You barked at him. 

You needed to concentrate. 

“You’re telling me to shut up?” He griped back, his fear and panic foaming up through his lips as intense anger directed towards you. “Shouldn’t you have seen this coming? What happened to-?” 

“I don’t appreciate the attitude.” You ground out, looking up at him to find nothing but pure fear staring back at you. “Now - Shut. Up.” 

You placed your hand gently onto Dawn’s forehead - you concentrated hard, focusing your powers on her. You couldn’t do anything about her physical injuries, but you could preserve the parts of her that mattered the most. You could keep her spirit alive. You could lock her memories away in a safe place so that she would be whole when her body healed. 

“What kind of voodoo bullshit is she doing?” Hank huffed out, having just made it down the fire escape himself. 

“Be quiet and let her work.” Dick told him, waving a dismissive hand in Hank’s direction. 

For once in their lives, both of the men sat in silence, actually deferring to you and following your lead. 

They trusted you to do something good for her, rather than doing more harm.

...

A/N: If you want to be tagged in future parts of this, you can sign up for my DC Titans taglist - just let me know that you want to be a part of that taglist by commenting below, and keep in mind that I have taglist rules. Also, I only have a general taglist for DC Titans fics, not a specific taglist for this series because this series updates sporadically and not on a schedule.

Please do not ask me when this fic will be updated - this fic does not have a schedule.

While this is technically part of a 'series', each chapter is meant to be enjoyed on its own. The overarching plot of the series is still that of the original Titans show, and I won't be making any major changes to the canon of the show - I just intend to showcase smaller emotional moments between the reader character and the canon characters. This is something I want to work on casually in the background between working on other things. This fic is not my main focus, and I will not be rushing to update it or complete it.

To me, this fic is a nice slow casual walk through the woods to enjoy the scenery, rather than a marathon with a clearly outlined route and a specific finish line as other series have been for me in the past.

Comments and reblogs are encouraged, and I am thankful for them - but please keep those comments focused on the actual content of the series - it's plot, the characters, their dynamics, even predictions for the plot of future chapters are okay, as long as you are not asking when the fic will be updated. Please do not spam me asking me to update this or asking me when I will update this - because I am not in a rush to do so. I have a lot of ideas for this series that I am excited about, but I want to work on it slowly and casually because I don't want to lose my enthusiasm for it and I know that rushing will take that enthusiasm away.

If you enjoyed this - great, thank you, I am so glad that you do. But if you expect this to be updated weekly like a factory pumping out stuff on a clearly outlined schedule - then you are in the wrong place. If you are expecting constant updates of this fic and you will be disappointed if it doesn't get updated regularly - you should just block me now and pretend you didn't read it.

But if you are a patient person - feel free to read and enjoy my other Titans works while I am working on updates for this (and working on other exciting things). I particularly recommend reading Your First Kiss With Dick Grayson to scratch that emotionally constipated Dick Grayson itch if this fic left you feening. Also, feel free to send me a message telling me what you thought of this fic or other fics in general.

Also - if you can't get Dick Grayson off your mind - my requests are open. And I would really love some requests for shorter fics with Dick, like headcanons or reactions. Otherwise, comments are appreciated and I really hope that you have a great day!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Ok I have a bit of a specific question about pacing. When Im writing, the story flows naturally enough but when im rereading it, it feels too choppy (?) Like, the scenes feel like they’re happening too fast one after the other, the sentences feel too disjointed. Ik i shouldn’t be too harsh on my first drafts, but I’m not entirely sure how to edit it either. Thanks so much, you’re blog is super helpful btw!! <33

(Not me rereading this ask to see if it’s badly paced XD)

Struggling with 1st Draft Pacing

Scenes happen one after the other... that's how scenes work. :) So, that in and of itself isn't an issue. But if you find every single one of your scenes are consistently long, short, or otherwise the same length, it might be an issue.

Ultimately, all that matters is that each scene does the work it needs to do. Scenes are sort of like mini stories. They should have a clear beginning, middle, and end. They should create or advance conflict/story elements, develop characters or setting/world, deliver important information such as back story or off-page events, or some combination of the above.

So, looking at each of your scenes, ask yourself the following questions:

-- What is the character trying to accomplish in this scene, and how does that move the story forward or give the reader critical information?

-- What is my goal for this scene as a writer? What do I want the reader to take away from this scene as they head into the next scene?

-- What is the central conflict of this scene? Or in other words, what are the opposing elements that create a question for the reader? (For example, which belief will the character choose to stick with? Who will win the argument or fight? Will the character get the thing they're after? What will the character do since a thing is being denied to them?)

-- What would happen if you removed this scene from the story? Would the plot still work? Would the reader still know what they need to know in order to understand the story?

Your answers to these questions will help you better understand whether or not the scene could be doing more, what more it could be doing, and maybe even whether or not the scene can be cut.

Once you make sure you're writing strong, necessary scenes that pull their weight in the story, you should find that your pacing improves. You may still end up needing to tweak the pacing (see: Exposition, Action, and Dialogue, and How to Pace Your Story; Slowing the Pace within a Chapter, and Pacing Feels Too Fast for more help.)

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[xoxoavenger]

could i request a barista au charles xavier x reader fic?? 🤭 with him being all flirty every time the reader orders something 🫣 love ur writing!!

ahh thank you! this was so much fun to write I hope you like it <3

Early Morning Coffee Date

pairing: Charles Xavier x Fem!Reader

word count: 1618

warnings: none

12 Days of Christmas masterlist main masterlist

"What can I get started for ya?"

Y/N looks up from her purse to see who's talking to her. Yes, she was in line for her local coffee shop, but she knew all the baristas that worked at 7:30 AM on weekdays. And she would definitely remember this man, with his British accent and bright eyes.

"You're new?" She asks, and then wants to hit herself. Why can't she just order?

"Yes." He laughs, his accent making her heart skip a small beat. Small. "But don't worry, I worked at Starbucks before this, so I promise I can make whatever crazy concoction you think of." He smiles, and she wishes today was a good day so she could order something crazy, just to tease him.

"Well, I totally would put your knowledge to the test, but I forgot my wallet." She says with a grimace, because of course the day she meets a cute barista she forgets her goddamn money. She doesn't have time to go back to her house before work, so she'll just have to hope that she doesn't need it again today. She's lucky she can walk to work and doesn't have to take the Subway, like most New Yorkers.

"If you order something easy, it's on the house." He says, and she smiles, mouth widening in shock.

"I can't let you do that." She says, looking at the line forming behind her. "I'll just have to survive with the break room coffee." She said it without a shudder, but the barista clearly knew the break room coffee tasted a little like mold no matter how much she washed the pot.

"I cannot let you do that." He says, shaking his head. "Please, miss, there's a line now. If you don't tell me what you want to order, I will be forced to make you something random that you may not want." He says it with a smirk and shrug, and she feels her heart pick up agin.

"Fine," She says, fighting to keep the smile away. She gives him her usual order, and he takes it down on a cup.

"And what's the name for that order?" He asks, giving her a look that lets her know that he is asking for more than just the order.

"Y/N." She answers, searching for the barista's name tag. "I'm sorry, but you don't seem to have a name tag." She informs him, and he just smirks.

"You'll have to come back tomorrow, I guess." He says with a wink. "I will personally make your drink, Y/N. And I'd love to hear any criticism, as it seems you come here a lot." He says as he moves away from the register, despite the line that is still very much there.

"Charles!" Cass, one of Y/N's barista regulars yells. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Get back on register." She rolls her eyes, and Y/N smiles as Charles' cheeks heat.

"Charles," She repeats, and the barista nods. "Well, now I have no reason to come back." She jests, even though she knows the people behind her must absolutely hate her.

"You still haven't tried my drink. And I know you want to." She cannot deny the way her heart is racing now, especially with how she can feel her cheeks heating up.

"You're right." She gives in, knowing she needs to say goodbye. "Thank you, Charles. Hopefully I'll see you soon." He winks at her as she leaves, and she can't help but widen her eyes as she turns away.

Was that hot barista just flirting with her?

~

"Cass, good morning." Y/N greets the next day. She can see Charles working the espresso machine, and even though she does want to try his drink she also really wanted to talk to him again. She wants to be angry about the crush she's already developed on him, but seeing him working makes her realize that it's basically hopeless. He's hot and nice, which is high expectations in the world they live in.

"Y/N!" Cass greets, seemingly more excited than she's ever been that Y/N's here. "Charles, your customer." Cass turns, and Charles pauses everything to turn and see Y/N. She forgets all about the 'your customer' part of Cass' sentence, which she had been meaning to revisit.

"Hey!" He sounds so excited, and Y/N's surprised by this. "You came back."

"She comes every-"

"I needed to taste your drink." Y/N cuts Cass off, because she wants Charles to feel special. She would have come today anyway, yes, but she also really wanted to try his concoction.

"Yes!" Charles calls, starting to pull a shot. "Cass, don't put this one in. I'm making a special one." He winks before going to work. Y/N immediately shakes her head.

"No, no, please, let me pay." Y/N pulls out her wallet.

"You heard him." Cass shrugs. "Now, please step aside. There's a line." She smiles, and Y/N thanks them before moving away. She doesn't have to wait long by the counter before Charles is there, on her side, holding a hot drink.

"What are you doing?" She asks, looking over to the espresso machine. Someone else is working it in his place, and Y/N turns back at him with a smile.

"I was hoping you had ten minutes? I'm on my break." She's so shocked, because how is this cute guy asking her to talk on his break? "Or maybe you have work, which is fine. I should have figured." He sounds dejected, and as he turns Y/N grabs his arm.

"Don't walk away with my coffee." She says with a small smile. "You got my drink out so fast, I think I have a couple minutes to spare." Charles' face lifts, and she feels her heart skip.

She's so whipped.

~

Of course, Y/N gets sick the next day.

They had talked about everything, from what brought them to the city to what their favorite color was to their favorite childhood tv shows. Y/N was late for work, which she blamed on a headache, and then somehow she manifested it into actually having a headache which she hoped taking a nap at home would cure. The next morning, she woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat.

She debated going into the coffee shop, but decided against it, as she didn't want to get anyone sick. So she sits at home for two days, reads her book and watches an entire season of her show while she tries not to think about the coffee shop - about Charles.

It's a weekend when she finally goes in - late, because she couldn't bring herself to wake up early on a weekend even if it meant seeing Charles. She walks into the shop as quick as she can without trying to look like she's rushing and then looks at the people behind the counter as she gets in the long line.

No Charles.

She thinks about leaving, heart falling traitorously. But she talks herself out of it before the idea fully forms, because it sounds stupid. Maybe he's on a break. But by the time she makes it to the front of the line, she realizes that he's still not here.

"Hey, Y/N!" Erik, the cashier today, says, and Y/N smiles, because it's nice that people know her. "Do you want your usual?" He asks with a smirk, and Y/N is just about to answer when someone comes up next to Erik and slightly pushes him out of the way.

"I've got this handled." Charles sends a glare to Erik, so fast Y/N barely registers it, before he smiles at Y/N. "I know what you like. You're good to go." He winks, and Y/N can feel her cheeks start to heat.

"You can't keep giving me free drinks." She says with a small smile, biting her lip to keep it small.

"Multiple offenses? Charles!" Erik says, sounding scandalized, and Y/N feels the heat spread to her neck.

"Go ahead and take someone else's order, Erik." Charles says, before smiling once more at Y/N and walking back to the espresso machine to make the drink.

"You're one special gal." Erik tells her with a smirk. "Have a good day, Y/N." She bids him the same as she walks away, knowing the line needs to continue moving. She goes over to the side of the counter and watches Charles work, waiting for her drink, which clearly has been moved to the front of the line by the way Charles is already done and walking over to her with a smile stretched across his face.

"I was worried when you didn't show up the past few days." He tells her as he leans over the counter to talk. She takes a sip of her drink, which somehow tastes better than the first time.

"I was sick." She says, heart fluttering.

"And here I was thinking your boyfriend found out about our long talk." He smirks, and her stomach did a flip.

"I don't have a boyfriend." She said, taking another sip of her drink.

"Hm," Charles looks down, then grabs her free hand. "Would you want one?" He looks up at her, and her mouth went dry.

He's asking her out. She needs respond because he's asking her out.

"Possibly," She finally says, taking his hand. "If the right man were to ask." She can't help but tease him.

"Well, what are you doing tomorrow?" He asks, and she smiles.

"Probably going out with my boyfriend." She puts her coffee down and leans against the counter, close enough to put the ball in his court.

"Perfect." He smiles back, and then leans in to kiss her across the counter.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @thefandomplace @mcueveryday @icequeen1371 @kenzi-woycehoski @multifandom-boss-bitch

[stromuprisahat]

I've been reading a lot of criticism about Alina lately, and while I agree that she is a shitty protagonist, but the main problem I have with saying that she is the true villain of the story is that... no one told her? No one talked to her about Grisha persecution? Yeah, we hear about it vaguely in TGT, but it isn't until SoC when they find the burnt corpses and the kefta mural that it truly starts to sink in. It's not until you read DitW that you realize how desperate the situation was (and still is, in some ways). It's not until the Nikolai Duology that the true horror of the Shu experiments is brought to us. We see nothing of it in TGT, so maybe... Alina just doesn't know?

Yeah, sure, she has been around Grisha and is one of them now, but hear me out, it's like white people who say they don't have a problem with POC but they don't realize that it doesn't negate the fact that POC still face racism from others. Add to the fact that nowhere do we see newspapers and as an orphan Alina is definitely less aware of social justice situations than your average white guy- how is she supposed to know? All that she sees is the luxury of the Grisha- their tents their bulletproof clothes, etc.

Just a thought about how the story might have gone different if instead of the crows, it was Alina who found the three burnt bodies while chasing the stag and had to put one of them out of their misery. And how the story might have changed if Alina truly understood the situation.

I'm almost halfway through Siege and Storm, so I’ll talk from this perspective.

I’d say it’s the same issue as anything with Alina- she doesn’t want to know.

She’s almost murdered by a guy yelling “witch” in her face. Funnily enough- at this point it’s still in English (Ravkan), not drüsje, but witch:

I twisted and kicked as the yellow-bearded man grabbed hold of my legs. I looked desperately down to the glen, but the soldiers and Grisha below me were fighting for their lives, clearly outnumbered and unable to come to my aid. I struggled and thrashed, but the Fjerdan was too strong. He climbed on top of me, using his knees to pin my arms to my sides, and reached for his knife.

“I’ll gut you right here, witch,” he snarled in a heavy Fjerdan accent.

She gets safely to Little Palace, mentiones this whole experience twice and that’s it. It wouldn’t even take that much to get back to this topic- next chapter she learns such attack isn’t anything unusual for Grisha:

“ ... Other countries don’t treat their Grisha so well as Ravka,” he said grimly. “The Fjerdans burn us as witches, and the Kerch sell us as slaves. The Shu Han carve us up seeking the source of our power. ... ”

Alina sees there’s a difference made between Grisha and other Ravkans, but never connects the dots. It doesn’t concern her, she’s doing the same after all.

She isn’t interested in situation, not only the wide picture, but more personal perspective- we don’t see her ask her “not-friends” anything about them. Their lives, families... You won’t hear a scary story if you won’t ask or listen...

She got study materials on Grisha history, but that's just that. Words on a paper. Something she repeats when she remembers she's supposed to be hunted, although the reasons don't quite click.

She goes from being prejudiced herself to staying that way. Why would she change? She went from denying being Grisha to being Saint and that’s a completely different thing. The only person she truly cares about is an otkazat’sya, so why would she consider wrongness of slurs and disdain?

She was told, but the Darkling "never tells the truth" and she doesn’t feel the need to ask anyone else.

She hears First Army soldiers insult Ivan for refusing to share information with them, and doesn't blink an eye.

She hears about First Army slaughtering Grisha, and thinks "good, I'd do the same".

She only cares about Grisha being potentially mistreated as long as it's the Darkling harming them (Genya's punishment, Grishenka in R&R).

When forced to face other harm partially caused by Grisha status of slaves in Ravkan society, the circumstances allow her to ignore that aspect (Genya's abuse).

I don’t think she needs anything more explicit. She’d just find the way to blame the Darkling, or forget it ever happened as soon as it was out of her sight.

Burned Grisha corpses?

Some foreign tradition. Or barbecue gone wrong...

Just look at her reaction to Harshaw's story in R&R:

I thought of the dream the Darkling had once had, that we might be Ravkans and not just Grisha. He’d tried to make a safe place for our kind, maybe the only one in the world. I understand the desire to remain free. Was that why Harshaw kept fighting? Why he’d chosen to stay? He must have shared the Darkling’s dream once. Had he given its care over to me?

Zoya's the one, to note how fucked up it is. Alina's concern is possible responsibility. There's no horror, there's no resolution to take over Aleksander's efforts. The goal remains the same- hunt down the Firebird, kill the Darkling, destroy the Fold.

Even when talking as Grisha, Alina doesn't act like one.