#i feel genuinely sick rn
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just read chapter 16 of the handmaid’s tale
to say i’m doing poorly is an understatement
#how can i ever be the same#jesus christ#i am fundamentally changed as a human being#i have to go to school tomorrow#and talk#about this chapter#like i’m not saying this was the greatest thing i’ve ever read#but like how does one move on from this#there will forever be a small part of me reading this chapter#i feel genuinely sick rn#i am unwell#not even in the silly way#like i’m physically ill#the way serena joy was just#there????#like holy fuck#sobbing#they held hands???#while…#im on like the verge of tears#and like this whole mess is partly serena’s doing too#and her husband#is like doing it#but everyone is just trapped#in this contract#with no say#or agency#once again the patriarchy lets everyone down#the way the commander is described like he feels this is a business exchange#right after he’s described as the owner
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can’t stop crying over arthur loving merlin for merlin. like he fr thought he was just some guy but guess what? that’s his some guy. and he’d stick with him forever. i think i’m gonna throw up
#I FEEL SICK. LIKE. THAT WAS ARTHUR’S FRIEND!!! ARTHUR LOVED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HIMSELF AND HE DIDN’T NEED ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT!!!!!#i can’t fucking do this. genuine tears just spilling from my eyes rn#i know this has been said over and over but i dont care!!! i dont care!!!! it can be said again!!!!!!#cupid de bunny#merlin#merthur#100#500#1000
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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The first time you're opening up to Isagi about something in your past that hurt you he is kissing your chest bc it's the closest he can get to kiss your heart and says he is going to take care of it
#ANON??????????????????????????????????????#DID U SEND THIS MEANING TO LIKE. KILL ME. DO U WANT ME TO EXPLODE AND DIE??????????#need u to understand i sat and read this like a million times in my inbox before answering. do u understand the psychic damage i took.#WHYYYDFGHJBF WHY WOULD U SEND THIS TOME KNOWING HOW VULNERABLE AND SICK I AM#AND HOW MUCH. I NEED TO HEAR SHIT LIKE THIS. ;_______________;#I LOVE U SO BAD FOR BUT ALSO I FEEL SO SICK U ARE SOOOOOOO SICK FOR THIS /lh /pos#OHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDD#ISAGI KISSING UR CHEST SHOUKD UI EXPLDOE IOHJDFGHJDFFDHJG#oh my god. my chest feels so weird and fuzzy and like i am aBOUT TO CRY . LOl#oh i need him so bad. oh i needhim so so bad in my life this is so upsetting. my heart. man#oh my god i need this ask framed and next to my head when i sleep. i genuinely cannot do this oh myu god i love him so much i love him sooo#SOOO MUCH I CANT DO THIS RN IM SO FUCKING EMO RN THIS ISSGKJFD . ANON IM SHAKING U HOW DARE U /lh#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#sora.inbox#sora.anon#peak post#isagi#sora.isagi
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GUYS I NEED MORE ZAM AND KABOODLE FICS I'M GENUINELY ABOUT TO CRASH OUT RN PLS PLS PLS PLS
Like idk, somethin about two characters being two sides of the same coin, they both care but it's not enough for them to burn the entire world for each other because deep inside they've already accepted that maybe the other will always be a better person than them. One thinks they can prevent history from repeating itself because they were "already" a bad person from the start but they feel like the other isn't so they try their best to help them. But the other continues to fall down that path because if the person who reflects them can get better, then how will they understand? It's like two people with mutual understanding, yet never being able to TRUST each other again while also being able mending each other's pain and it's like UGHHHHHHHHH THEY WERE DOOMED FROM THE START BRO
LIKE UGHHHH THEY PARALLEL EACH OTHER SO BAD IDK. KAB IS LOYAL TO THOSE SHE CARES ABOUT AND IS WILLING TO RECONSIDER HER PRIORITIES FOR THEM. WHILE ZAM IS LOYAL TO HIS BELIEFS AND IS WILLING TO BREAK PEOPLE HE LOVES FOR IT. BETRAYAL MEETS BETRAYAL AAAAAAAA
#lifesteal smp#kaboodle#princezam#IM SO TIRED I ONLY SLEPT FOR LIKE 4 HRS) GEN DUDE#GENUINELY FEEL LIKE I SLIGHT MISCHARACTERIZED THEM BUT LKE BRO THE FICS PLSSSSSSSNE9EJSISNDISNS THEY R SO ICONIC WHAT#lore.#they make me sick bro#note: i watch kabs pov so ughh whatever sorry man im like half asleep rn frick#as you can see im not well im kinda half delusional rn cuz i just wokeup#pls if they can just pull out a with the power of friendship out of their asses i wouldnt even mind lowk
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what’s everyone’s fave fall fragrance PLEASE tell me
#ita still too hot to wear fall scents where i am but im craving it#want to wear alien again and not feel like a sweaty beast i want to feel cozy#i also am so sick rn and stuffy i can’t smell anything and it makes me so sad i ♥️ smells#genuinely getting more into fragrance was like#a helpful move 4 my mental health#grounding snd mindfulness and whatnot lol#makes me feel niceys#when i was in the ptsd treatment center for like 9 months my therapist had me testing perfumes all the time#also i love the associations of smells#my gfs signature combo makes me feel !!!!! happier than anything#and my cousin sends me lots of samples (she gets TONS) and my friend sav gifts me lots of hers#and i love how personal that is it’s like i carry ppl with me all day when i wear those ones#:)) so sweet#anyway can’t wait for it to cool down a little so i can change things up from my summery ones#personal
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song recs song recs pls pls pls what's yr favorite tune of the week or the month or just ever <33333
#dying i can't listen to anything listening to music is making me feel vv sick recently & it's like my one outlet :((((#need to listen to smth that will borrow into my heart and kill me over & over again i feel like i hate music rn and i need that to change#stat like im dying genuinely
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I think I drank too much water
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twitter is so funny for constantly getting into best media literacy matches on a site where youre not allowed to type more than 280 characters at a time. meanwhile i spent my limitless characters here on tumblr to post abt emet selch's erectile dysfunction
#xivposting#twitter is simply not where i go for nuanced takes so it genuinely baffles me that people get mad when i dont offer it there#this post was inspired by a qrt that was furious w me for saying emet selch was not sorry and then went on a rant abt how burdened he is#i shouldnt say this out loud but i feel safer here so im gonna admit it. i fucking hate twitter#i have 280 characters to make a point of course im gonna make jokes its not my fault if you take it way too serious#and i genuinely find having to write tweet threads exhausting. if i break my thoughts up like that#then any one of those points can be spun out of context#i havent posted serious thoughts on there since i was into fuckign fire emblem fates dawg#sorry im ranting im kind of very sick rn and its making me cranky
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if you're wondering how i'm taking mizu5
the answer is "badly"
#i feel really sick#idk i already explained my thoughts as best as i could on twt and i'm really upset and it all just kind of hurts rn idk if i can reiterate#four years of build-up right into a devastating cliffhanger that quite literally removes mizuki from the game's real world#and changes her menu sprites and voicelines#and of course the most pressing concerns were not really addressed#and it's just oging to be like this for at least a month#and after all this they're going to segue into akito5 vbs beach episode or whatever like ??????#FUCK YOUR STANDARD EVENT SCHEDULING. FINISH THIS MESS RN HOLY SHIT#i say mess i don't know if it's a Mess (BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER) it might still turn out well#but sitting with this is making me feeel fucking horrible i can't do it#i don't think i've ever experienced a media going from a source of comfort to a source of discomfort in the span of like 3 minutes#whiplash#i genuinely. hhhhhhhh I FEEL SICK AND THIS ISN'T A FUNNY HAHA JOKE#if i knew how to let myself cry i'd be crying a lot rn#sega pay me for emotional damages
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I am going to have such a great time during a terrifying presidency that will directly imminently negatively effect my life while being stuck living in a house that actively contributed to this nightmare happening and having little ability to engage with any sort of means of comfort without the sounds of constant horrid sentences coming from the living room TV in the background oh boy oh great how wonderful.
Anyway, does anyone know how selling character adoptables works, because I may look into that—
#vent post#text post#idk what else to say but oh boy I am fucking livid rn#they’re probably going to start doing raids in my state soon I don’t live where those will happen but god that’s soul crushing#my family doesn’t realize tariffs are going to royally fuck them over nor do they realize everything is going to rise in price#they’re so happy and think everything is finally going to look up for us I’m so appalled#they don’t know they just pushed me into a closet within a closet#they also don’t know what birthright citizenship means and don’t think it’ll apply to or affect them in any way at all#I’m livid#I don’t know what to do I’m so stuck here#there’s no feasible way I could make enough money to leave I feel sick#I guess this counts as an art question though as well because regardless I do genuinely want to start selling character designs#it’s the closest to concept artist I’ll ever get#dude and this is such a bad time for a new nocturne to have come out too aaaaaaaaa#now I dont have a main interest to turn to to calm down fuck#not that there was much of it before anyway (I love blocking people I don’t like) but ughhuuhhhhhhhggghhggggg#it’s time to play chronicles and pretend a certain orange guy isn’t talking the whole time in the background haha I’m so depressed
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i think i have to force myself to go to bed extra early tonight💀💀
#ok i'm sorry i've been talking abt this bday shit sm#BDAYS JUST MAKE ME NERVOUS OKAYY#like what the fuck i have to hug my dad#.#shgdghsahfdghadhgas#main problem#aaaand then the phone call with mother#and then the texts#hhhhhhhhhh#i mean you guys will save me you don't make me nervous#i love you#it really is just abt the irl stuff#euuuughhhh#like i genuinely feel a bit sick rn#hahggsdahgdghashgdas#IT'S FINEEEEEEEE#it's whateverrrrrr#i'll see how it goes i probably won't fall asleep though........#hhhhhhhhhhhhh#mayor of loserville
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if i write a rendoc oneshot i can blame it on having a fever and not being completely in my right mind, this is my moment
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Still thinking about the scene where walt finds jesse in the crackhouse and tries to get him on his feet but jesse just starts sobbing so walt kneels there with him and holds him for a bit
#🧪💎#that scene makes me feel so many things cause like walt killed jane but jesse doesnt know that and just augh#im such a sucker for hurt/comfort especially when the hurt and comfort are done by the same person#the unhealthy relationship between walt and jesse makes me feel some kind of way like Imagine killing a guys girlfriend so you dont lose him#and then Holding Him while he Cries About It because you feel bad but you needed him for personal gain and just augh#i could write an essay i wont but i could#waiting to meet with the manager to continue my hiring process rn and i genuinely feel sick about that scene
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experiencing any level of joint pain for longer than a day or two has only reinforced my belief that ppl with chronic pain are actually the strongest motherfuckers on the goddamn planet
#marzi speaks#hi. my knees r still kinda fucked up. at some point a few days ago i hyperextended my elbows#so now those have been hurting#my traps r fucked bc i’ve been stressed and those are prone to holding tension in me#my knee pain made me walk wrong for a little bit so now i’m trying to fix that to alleviate the foot and ankle pain#oh yeah. my thumb is still tender for some reason despite the tendonitis having been healed as well#the only part of my body that hasn’t betrayed me as of yet is my spine and pelvis#i am so sick of moving and having it hurt#and like i can go about my day n shit. and have a good time#but it is always there and it is fucking annoyingggg#and ppl with chronic pain just live their whole lives like this.#and they don’t blow up and attack anyone who treats them shitty about it#and i am amazed#bc i talked to my dad abt maybe going to the doctor abt my knees to see what’s going on#bc i don’t remember injuring them at all and i don’t really feel too much improvement on a day to day#and he just gave me a stretch to do about it#now the stretch helps. but my knees still hurt. so like. what do u want from me#if i were to bring it up again he’d probably say it wasn’t a big deal. he’s seen me hobble around the house n how slow i’m moving rn#i normally run around my house. i have been walking at a pace that pisses me off bc i’m impatient#even just having like. worries that are probably exagerrated get dismissed like that has kinda made me wanna kill him a little bit#and this is something that i know is gonna heal and get better#ppl with chronic pain don’t Get That. and they are still dismissed constantly#how do you not like. murder everyone around you. the infinite patience. genuinely the strongest among us#i didn’t mean to complain in these tags as much as i did (my knees r actually doing pretty ok rn and my ankles are getting better)#but i suppose i am bitter
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Anyone else ever so extremely sick and feeling shitty during vacation but you don’t wanna say anything bc you don’t wanna ruin it for everyone else by being that one person that can’t do shit because they get a fever every 2 hours? No? Just me? Ok then…
#relatable?#literally me rn#I feel so sick but I don’t wanna be a burden#:’)#I’m genuinely abt to throw up#so tired…
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