#i feel genuinely sick rn
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just read chapter 16 of the handmaidās tale
to say iām doing poorly is an understatement
#how can i ever be the same#jesus christ#i am fundamentally changed as a human being#i have to go to school tomorrow#and talk#about this chapter#like iām not saying this was the greatest thing iāve ever read#but like how does one move on from this#there will forever be a small part of me reading this chapter#i feel genuinely sick rn#i am unwell#not even in the silly way#like iām physically ill#the way serena joy was just#there????#like holy fuck#sobbing#they held hands???#whileā¦#im on like the verge of tears#and like this whole mess is partly serenaās doing too#and her husband#is like doing it#but everyone is just trapped#in this contract#with no say#or agency#once again the patriarchy lets everyone down#the way the commander is described like he feels this is a business exchange#right after heās described as the owner
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canāt stop crying over arthur loving merlin for merlin. like he fr thought he was just some guy but guess what? thatās his some guy. and heād stick with him forever. i think iām gonna throw up
#I FEEL SICK. LIKE. THAT WAS ARTHURāS FRIEND!!! ARTHUR LOVED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HIMSELF AND HE DIDNāT NEED ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT!!!!!#i canāt fucking do this. genuine tears just spilling from my eyes rn#i know this has been said over and over but i dont care!!! i dont care!!!! it can be said again!!!!!!#cupid de bunny#merlin#merthur#100#500#1000
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes āohhh yeah bc pinkā#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going āwhat about the pink onesā on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other āqueerā folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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The first time you're opening up to Isagi about something in your past that hurt you he is kissing your chest bc it's the closest he can get to kiss your heart and says he is going to take care of it
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#ANON??????????????????????????????????????#DID U SEND THIS MEANING TO LIKE. KILL ME. DO U WANT ME TO EXPLODE AND DIE??????????#need u to understand i sat and read this like a million times in my inbox before answering. do u understand the psychic damage i took.#WHYYYDFGHJBF WHY WOULD U SEND THIS TOME KNOWING HOW VULNERABLE AND SICK I AM#AND HOW MUCH. I NEED TO HEAR SHIT LIKE THIS. ;_______________;#I LOVE U SO BAD FOR BUT ALSO I FEEL SO SICK U ARE SOOOOOOO SICK FOR THIS /lh /pos#OHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDD#ISAGI KISSING UR CHEST SHOUKD UI EXPLDOE IOHJDFGHJDFFDHJG#oh my god. my chest feels so weird and fuzzy and like i am aBOUT TO CRY . LOl#oh i need him so bad. oh i needhim so so bad in my life this is so upsetting. my heart. man#oh my god i need this ask framed and next to my head when i sleep. i genuinely cannot do this oh myu god i love him so much i love him sooo#SOOO MUCH I CANT DO THIS RN IM SO FUCKING EMO RN THIS ISSGKJFD . ANON IM SHAKING U HOW DARE U /lh#š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹#sora.inbox#sora.anon#peak post#isagi#sora.isagi
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GUYS I NEED MORE ZAM AND KABOODLE FICS I'M GENUINELY ABOUT TO CRASH OUT RN PLS PLS PLS PLS
Like idk, somethin about two characters being two sides of the same coin, they both care but it's not enough for them to burn the entire world for each other because deep inside they've already accepted that maybe the other will always be a better person than them. One thinks they can prevent history from repeating itself because they were "already" a bad person from the start but they feel like the other isn't so they try their best to help them. But the other continues to fall down that path because if the person who reflects them can get better, then how will they understand? It's like two people with mutual understanding, yet never being able to TRUST each other again while also being able mending each other's pain and it's like UGHHHHHHHHH THEY WERE DOOMED FROM THE START BRO
LIKE UGHHHH THEY PARALLEL EACH OTHER SO BAD IDK. KAB IS LOYAL TO THOSE SHE CARES ABOUT AND IS WILLING TO RECONSIDER HER PRIORITIES FOR THEM. WHILE ZAM IS LOYAL TO HIS BELIEFS AND IS WILLING TO BREAK PEOPLE HE LOVES FOR IT. BETRAYAL MEETS BETRAYAL AAAAAAAA
#lifesteal smp#kaboodle#princezam#IM SO TIRED I ONLY SLEPT FOR LIKE 4 HRS) GEN DUDE#GENUINELY FEEL LIKE I SLIGHT MISCHARACTERIZED THEM BUT LKE BRO THE FICS PLSSSSSSSNE9EJSISNDISNS THEY R SO ICONIC WHAT#lore.#they make me sick bro#note: i watch kabs pov so ughh whatever sorry man im like half asleep rn frick#as you can see im not well im kinda half delusional rn cuz i just wokeup#pls if they can just pull out a with the power of friendship out of their asses i wouldnt even mind lowk
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rl bestie texting me about a great idea she had and the great idea is. talking to chatgpt in order to improve her language skills bc she's too scared to talk to actual people. what if we all killed ourselves actually
#i actually feel physically sick lmaoooooo āļø#personal blah#remind me to delete this later#i'm like girl the ethics. girl the energy and water waste. girl your own personal growth#and she's like oh i was actually planning to use it for help with my writing right now! :)#killing myself killing myself killing myself i can't TAKE this#im at work rn but i genuinely feel so so so bad i can't focus on shit now š
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whatās everyoneās fave fall fragrance PLEASE tell me
#ita still too hot to wear fall scents where i am but im craving it#want to wear alien again and not feel like a sweaty beast i want to feel cozy#i also am so sick rn and stuffy i canāt smell anything and it makes me so sad i ā„ļø smells#genuinely getting more into fragrance was like#a helpful move 4 my mental health#grounding snd mindfulness and whatnot lol#makes me feel niceys#when i was in the ptsd treatment center for like 9 months my therapist had me testing perfumes all the time#also i love the associations of smells#my gfs signature combo makes me feel !!!!! happier than anything#and my cousin sends me lots of samples (she gets TONS) and my friend sav gifts me lots of hers#and i love how personal that is itās like i carry ppl with me all day when i wear those ones#:)) so sweet#anyway canāt wait for it to cool down a little so i can change things up from my summery ones#personal
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I think I drank too much water
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twitter is so funny for constantly getting into best media literacy matches on a site where youre not allowed to type more than 280 characters at a time. meanwhile i spent my limitless characters here on tumblr to post abt emet selch's erectile dysfunction
#xivposting#twitter is simply not where i go for nuanced takes so it genuinely baffles me that people get mad when i dont offer it there#this post was inspired by a qrt that was furious w me for saying emet selch was not sorry and then went on a rant abt how burdened he is#i shouldnt say this out loud but i feel safer here so im gonna admit it. i fucking hate twitter#i have 280 characters to make a point of course im gonna make jokes its not my fault if you take it way too serious#and i genuinely find having to write tweet threads exhausting. if i break my thoughts up like that#then any one of those points can be spun out of context#i havent posted serious thoughts on there since i was into fuckign fire emblem fates dawg#sorry im ranting im kind of very sick rn and its making me cranky
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i think i have to force myself to go to bed extra early tonightšš
#ok i'm sorry i've been talking abt this bday shit sm#BDAYS JUST MAKE ME NERVOUS OKAYY#like what the fuck i have to hug my dad#.#shgdghsahfdghadhgas#main problem#aaaand then the phone call with mother#and then the texts#hhhhhhhhhh#i mean you guys will save me you don't make me nervous#i love you#it really is just abt the irl stuff#euuuughhhh#like i genuinely feel a bit sick rn#hahggsdahgdghashgdas#IT'S FINEEEEEEEE#it's whateverrrrrr#i'll see how it goes i probably won't fall asleep though........#hhhhhhhhhhhhh#mayor of loserville
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Anyone else ever so extremely sick and feeling shitty during vacation but you donāt wanna say anything bc you donāt wanna ruin it for everyone else by being that one person that canāt do shit because they get a fever every 2 hours? No? Just me? Ok thenā¦
#relatable?#literally me rn#I feel so sick but I donāt wanna be a burden#:ā)#Iām genuinely abt to throw up#so tiredā¦
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do you even get it. guy went to the fabre manor for revenge, for murder, for death. and he came out with so much love in his heart that it saved his life. not because of the manor, or the duke that resides in it. but for the very kid he swore to kill. it didnt change anything but he loved so much. he did.
#.text#tales of the abyss#WHAT IF I DIEDFN#ok. sorru. im sorry. this is my last post. i swrar. oh my god#i genuinely feel sick rn hi everyone
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if i donāt got no one i got my weighted dinosaur
#late night musings#get it because#i like to cuddle people#but i have no one to#anyway reminded me today#me and myyyy āfriendsā?? in vocal jazz class when to another room to āpracticeā and one of them is like so sick rn#like genuinely i feel so bad she felt like shit#and we were sitting on the floor and she was like#ācan i just nap on you for like the last ten minutes of class?ā#like obviously i said yes#it was so nice tho#i love comforting people
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lullaby for a princess i think genuinely dealt me irreparable damage when i was a kid
#i already knew it but one summer in middle school idk what happened. i listened to it again and that whole summer i spent crying#just day and night crying over this song. i listened to iterations of it and sequels and vocaloid versions and cried. i got sick over it#not even exaggerating there wasnt a day i wasnt crying or feeling like i was genuinely going insane cuz of this fucking song.#guess whos gonna go listen to it rn X)#hanancouldyounot
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if you dont wear a mask when you're sick i hope you die. "oh its just a cold its not covid" i dont give a fuck i dont want to get a cold either. you disgust me. you sicken me. literally.
#i have a really really strong immune system but im still like. disabled to the point where if i got sick it would fuck me up bad#like my cousin has a 'cold' i offered her a mask bc my very disabled compromised Grandmother was there and she was like'well its not covid'#and my grandma was like i guess thats fine. which like ok but u should be getting MY permission too. as the second most disabled person#in the room. also for me its dire rn like i feel sooooooooo sooooooo bad rnnnnnn. if my nose gets stuffed up i might genuinely end it all
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