#i fear that i might have contributed to this a bit too much

[dropthedemiurge]

i suddenly have a small wave of new followers who don't feel like bots for some reason

.... is that reddit x tumblr humanization post making rounds on this hellsite again?xD

[eggmeralda]

listening to my february-june 2022 playlist which led to ⬇️

[writers-potion]

Writing Mad Characters

Okay this is a bit awkward because I had this question copypasted into Google Docs I use to draft my answers, and I realized I've lost the question in my inbox (which is being flooded).

So...I'm so sorry for whoever asked this question. Sorry for the delay because I was struggling with life in general for the past month and definitely SORRY for losing your question (－‸ლ)

Q: I'm writing a story where a major character is slowly spiraling into madness where small details kinda hint into the downfall right before the bigger details appear and then it the floodgates open. Is there anything I should avoid? Anything that I should keep in mind? Anything that I should research?

Things to Avoid

“Mad” or “Insane” is too general. Writing a cliched ‘crazy’ character who randomly talks to imaginary people and lashes out at strangers, you’ll offend a whole bunch of people who've gone through/have mental illnesses. Read up on existing mental conditions (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic disorder and borderline personality disorder, etc.) to see what your character might have. 

Words like “mad” “crazy” or “insane” aren’t enough when you’re describing their status. As mentioned, these words hardly mean much when it comes to providing a clear description.

Contradicting yourself. Throwing random unhinged symptoms here and there wouldn’t work. In fact, you must have a clear arc on which they’re traveling and ensure that your “hints” are all getting at something.

Making the character overly destructive or harmful to others (when nothing really justifies it)

Justifying damaging behavior with this “madness”. Mad or not, your character will still have motives and goals that drive them forward. 

Making them look incompetent just the fact that they have a mental condition that makes them appear “mad” to others shouldn’t prevent them from achieving success. In fact, they may be even more cool-hearted and logical when it comes to their obsessions/goals. 

Research Tips

Narrow down the mental conditions your character experiences. Even if it’s a fictional condition, try basing it on existing ones and building on top of them. 

Take some time to study characters and/or real clinical cases that resemble the kind of madness you’re going for. 

- Anxiety Disorders: excessive fear and dread (ex. phobias) - Mood Disorders: persistent swings in mood or persistent feelings that interfere with daily life (ex. Depression, bipolar) - Psychotic Disorders: disordered thinking (ex. schizophrenia) - Eating Disorders: extreme emotional attitudes toward food (ex. Bulimia, anorexia) - Impulse Disorders: unable to resist urges (ex. Kleptomania, pyromania, gambling) - Personality Disorders: extreme inflexible personality traits (ex. Anti-social disorder, OCPD) - Past Traumatic Stress: persistent, frightening memories leading to emotional numbness 

Does your character have empathy?  

A sociopathic kind of madness is different. 

General Writing Tips for Spiraling into Madness

Establish a Baseline 

A lot of factors (stress, family history, innate personality, trauma, etc.) can contribute to madness, but it is not going to happen in a week. Define the existing mental and physical conditions your character has, and start from there. 

If you’re aiming for suicidal tendencies at the end, you want to start with symptoms of depression (a condition that may lead to suicide) - growing apathetic, erratic sleeping patterns, irritability, etc. 

This is also the stage where you want to plant some triggers that’ll go off later.

Trigger Events

A perfectly sound character suddenly spiraling down the madness route due to a single accident or traumatizing event isn’t convincing. 

A madness “snap” denies the reader the experience of watching the character’s journey into madness and how they feel about it. 

Internal Conflict (antagonist in himself) 

You must remember that madness is incurable. If someone could “cure” themselves by eating healthy, exercising and taking a few pills, it wouldn’t be much of a madness, would it? This means that the worst antagonist is going to be the character themselves, or the part of them that’s been taken away. 

Show how they are frustrated with themselves, scared of themselves, angry at their “alternative self”. The experience of not knowing yourself is a whole journey of its own.

Physical Manifestations/Quirks

If your character has a routine, show how they break down. 

They might develop habits that they otherwise would never allow themselves to have, perhaps as an effort to “keep this madness out”

Deteriorating Relationships

Depict how the character’s madness impacts his closed/loved ones. In the earlier stages, those close to him might be faster to notice and accept the signs of madness, even if the character denies it him/herself.

The first signs of madness might show when the character is trying to deal with difficult relationships - like losing patience and being unable to pick up subtle social clues.

Choosing Obsessions Over Primal Urges 

For these characters, obsession can take over a person’s normal urge to eat, sleep or even live. This can lead to, more or less, suicide. 

Example: In Black Swan, Nina’s obsession with becoming the perfect ballerina drive her to insanity, to the point where she doesn't mind dying on stage for the show.

[ruru-me]

hiii! idk if this has been asked yet, but can i get more lore on the kids’ mothers & their relationships with the dads (strade, lawrence, rire, ren!) are the moms still alive in some cases or are they dead? i’m really interested to know! :3

Hey anon!

The answer to this may be a bit long, so I'll put it into topics and organize them from the best to the worst parental relationships :D

(also some images I found on Pinterest to illustrate cuz I find it funny)

REN

The best among them fr

Bro is living the dream with his children

Manipulative and overprotective at times but it's because he really fears that his babies will go through something like what he went through with Strade.

The mother is still alive (happily married, thank you).

She works as a programmer and ren is a relatively big streamer in the specific internet niche he works in (I leave it to your imagination what that might be)

All his children appreciate their father and love him

The cool dad all kids want to have (me too pls)

Strong emotional bond, he always knows if something is wrong with any of them

10/10

Lawrence

He's only before strade because his anxiety wouldn't let him forget to buy baby formula for violet

Honestly not the best father figure, but violet really likes their dad

Emotional dependence is the basis of it.

It's not healthy but neither of them seems to care

Violet's mother unfortunately died after an infection caused by Lawrence and his idea to remove her limbs.

Unpredictable some days, can be a caring father or an anxious mess (nothing in between)

CPA has certainly gone after violet

6/10

STRADE

More like a cool uncle who offers alcohol to minors than a father

no paternal sense, plus places no limits on the things Hertha does

Regarding their relationship, Hertha doesn't have a good impression of her father and Strade couldn't care less.

Strade shows "affection" by pampering her with everything she asks for (for him it's much more practical than being emotionally available)

One of the reasons Hertha actively tries to F strade when adult and shows no remorse about her actions

Her mother unfortunately took her own life when she was still young

She was probably the only person Hertha could empathize with and care about (genuinely)

5/10

RIRE

Self-explanatory image

The worst of them

He doesn't even think about trying to be a good father figure

Rire is the father who goes to buy cigarettes and disappears and magically appears again when you're an adult to ask you for a favor

Probably his only contribution was the names Severus and Linden

Their mother is alive and lives with them in a house (almost all Rire's proof)

The twins fear their father like the plague. They have no sentimental attachment to him and prefer to stay that way.

Not to be unfair, rire even showed up a few times to check on them (for some unknown reason) but the twins ran off as if they'd seen a monster.

Theoretically they did

-100/10

Ok that's all, hope I've answered ur question.

Feel free to send another (if u feel like)

*dies*

[m4rv3l-girl]

hi!!! I love ur fics sm and I was wondering if you could do one where the reader is struggling with either ptsd or depression or something and they self harm and bucky walks in on them and cleans them up and comforts them and basically tells them it's not their fault ❤️❤️❤️

The Weight You Carry

Bucky x Y/N

Note: Thank you so much for your request, it is so valued! The topic of this one is obviously heavy and I (very fortunately) haven’t had any close contact with a situation like this. Due to the sensitive nature of the request - I have made the decision not to include any scenes of self-harm. This is something I’ve chosen to do because I would hate to write something unrealistic, harmful or content that will contribute to misconceptions. It’s simply not a subject I am well enough educated or experienced in to do it justice in writing. I’ve tried to stick to what you asked as much as possible, it includes the hurt/comfort themes, some clear emotional trauma and ellusions to past self harm but I have deliberately not included it in this fic. Thanks again, I hope you still enjoy! 🫶

Warnings: Depression. Trauma. Hurt/Comfort.

The bathroom was silent except for Y/N’s ragged breaths and the muffled sounds of her quiet sobs. The kind of silence that felt loud in her ears, reverberating against the cold, tiled walls. The mirror above the sink reflected a warped version of herself—puffy eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, and a trembling lower lip she couldn’t quite get under control.

Her hands gripped the edge of the porcelain sink like it was the only thing keeping her upright, the sharp bite of the rim pressing into her palms grounding her in a reality that felt too heavy to bear. She was suffocating under the weight of everything she couldn’t name, couldn’t fix, and couldn’t stop. It was a storm inside her head, a mess of guilt, fear, and exhaustion, swirling endlessly, consuming every bit of light she tried to hold onto.

This wasn’t new. She’d been fighting it for months—years, even. But tonight was one of the bad nights, the kind that snuck up on her, blindsiding her after a day that had been so deceptively normal. That was the cruel thing about it; it never gave her any warning. One moment she was fine, and the next, she was unraveling.

She hadn’t meant to end up here, curled up on the cold bathroom floor, her knees pulled to her chest, her forehead resting against them as she tried to hold herself together. She’d told herself she was just going to splash some water on her face, to take a minute to breathe. But the second she’d locked the door behind her, the dam had broken, and she’d crumpled.

A quiet knock at the door jolted her.

“Y/N?”

The voice was soft, hesitant but unmistakably familiar. Her chest tightened at the sound of it, her tears momentarily forgotten as she froze in place.

It was Bucky. Of course it was.

She didn’t answer, holding her breath as if staying silent would somehow make him go away. She couldn’t let him see her like this—broken, weak, and barely holding on. He didn’t need to deal with her mess on top of everything he carried himself.

“Doll?” His voice came again, quieter this time but no less concerned.

The nickname made her chest ache. He always said it with so much affection, like it was his way of reminding her how much he cared, how much she meant to him. But tonight, it felt like too much—too heavy, too undeserved.

“I know you’re in there,” he said after a beat of silence. His voice was closer now, just on the other side of the door.

“Go away, Bucky,” she finally croaked, her voice barely audible and hoarse from crying.

There was a pause, and for a brief moment, she thought he might actually listen. But then she heard him sigh, the kind of deep, weary sigh that spoke of his own struggles, his own battles.

“Sweetheart, I’m not leaving you like this,” he said gently.

She buried her face in her hands, shaking her head even though he couldn’t see her. “I’m fine,” she lied, the words shaky and unconvincing.

“You’re not,” he replied softly. There was no judgment in his tone, only a quiet determination.

She heard the faint jingle of keys, and her heart sank. Of course, he had the spare key. She’d given it to him months ago when things weren’t as bad, trusting him to use it only if she really needed him.

The lock clicked, and the door creaked open slowly. She didn’t look up, too ashamed to face him.

Bucky stepped inside, his frame filling the small doorway. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on her. She could feel his gaze, heavy with concern, and it only made her want to shrink further into herself.

“Y/N…” he murmured, his voice breaking slightly.

“Please, don’t,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

But he was already moving, kneeling down in front of her with a slow, deliberate gentleness that made her heart ache. He didn’t reach for her immediately, instead settling onto the floor a few feet away, giving her the space she so desperately needed.

“I’m here,” he said simply.

Those two words unraveled her completely.

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face as she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked softly, his brows furrowing.

“For being like this,” she choked out, her hands shaking as she wiped at her face. “For being so…broken.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. Then, with a steadiness that made her heart clench, he said, “You’re not broken, Y/N.”

She let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and painful. “Then why do I feel like I am?”

“Because you’ve been carrying too much,” he said simply, his voice steady and sure. “And you’ve been doing it alone.”

His words hit her like a punch to the gut, and she finally looked up at him. His blue eyes were filled with a quiet intensity, a depth of understanding that only someone who had been through their own hell could offer.

“It’s not your fault,” he said firmly, his voice unwavering. “None of this is your fault.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head, cutting her off gently.

“Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, it doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you human. And I a human too, one that hurts just as much.”

Her tears came faster, harder, and she didn’t resist when he reached out, his hand brushing against hers.

“Let me help you,” he said, his voice softening. “You don’t have to do this alone, Doll. Let me be here for you, the way you’ve been there for me.”

Her resolve crumbled, and she leaned into him, letting him wrap his arms around her. His embrace was warm and steady, a safe haven in the midst of her storm.

“I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I know,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “But can figure it out. One step at a time.”

And for the first time in a long time, she felt a little bit less alone.

——————————————————————————————————

Requests Open!

[shinxeysartgallery]

J is kind of an asshole and I think we all realize that especially after what she did in Episode 8. Still think she's being hated on a bit too hard though.

She knowingly sided with Cyn, despite knowing what she was responsible for, and that's obviously not a good thing. However, do keep in mind that all of the affected Elliot Manor drones are just traumatized children at the end of the day. Cyn put all of them through immeasurable horrors. Even without Cyn's influence, the drones were treated horribly by the humans (other than Tessa). And based off the scratched-off armbands that we saw N, V, and J have that also match Cyn's armband, there's strong implications that all three of them are also "zombie drones" much like Cyn is herself. We don't know what they were subjected to before being tossed into the dump and later being found by Tessa.

As J and V are fighting, J makes an interesting comment that sheds some light on her motivations. "...It tricked me, too." Obviously, that was never elaborated on, but it strongly implies that she had made some sort of a deal with Cyn for an unknown reason. We got confirmation that V also had made a deal with Cyn, which was basically that she'd do whatever Cyn wanted as long as she wouldn't hurt N (and then would leave them both alone). Don't know if N also made a deal, but he's likely there as a part of V's deal.

So it makes me wonder, what exactly did Cyn promise J? Did she tell her that she could bring back Tessa? Promise to not let her die again? Something else entirely? Based on her comment to V, SOMETHING was definitely promised that ended up being a lie. Everyone reacts to trauma differently. Saw a post a while back (will hyperlink it later if I can find it again) by another user doing a very good breakdown of how they perceived the drones' personalities changed as a result of their trauma. N became a doormat because he kept getting hurt or hurting others every time he stood up for himself or someone else. (They also add that V's coldness towards him contributed to it and made him lose a lot of self-confidence.) V became rather cold because she was basically forced to turn off her emotions to cope with what she was doing. And she was purposefully mean to N to chase him away as an attempt to protect him from Cyn. J became a corporate bootlicker because she was terrified of being discarded again, so now she feels like she has to prove that she's useful.

And I think those theories all definitely hold some water here and help to explain why J still chose to side with Cyn, even after realizing that whatever their deal was was a lie. It's likely that she realized that if she decided to side against Cyn, Cyn would've just killed her straight-up. And that's really not out of the question, considering what she did to N and V once she realized that those two had asked too many questions and realized that she was the bad guy they wanted nothing to do with. If J had also gone against her, she'd just be replaced with either a clone that had its memories wiped (as evident by Cyn's comment to N in Episode 7: "your clones will forgive me") or a personality shift, or just flat-out a completely different drone altogether. There's also her comment towards V during their fight. "I promise it's better on the winning team.", which implies that J had full belief that Uzi wouldn't have been able to stop Cyn and Cyn was going to get her way no matter what. That paired up with the personality shift might imply that she felt trapped. Cyn preyed on her vulnerability and fears of being discarded and weaponized them against her. She believed that Cyn was going to win no matter what, and if she went against Cyn, she was going to be discarded again. Despite knowing she was tricked, she probably stays loyal to Cyn because she's terrified of that outcome. She doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to be thrown away again. But the only person she feels she can get that security from is the same one that basically caused all of her problems. That same person is practically the equivalent of a god in the universe and seemingly NOTHING can stop it. What choice does she have in that perspective?

I still feel like she's an incredibly tragic character. Horribly mistreated by humans, forced to watch (or participate in) her best friend's death at the hands of the one she despises the most, sees the same bestie be horribly mutilated and disfigured, be forced to commit horrible atrocities herself, and be manipulated and lied to. She deserves a redemption arc.

You're obviously allowed to still hate/dislike her, but that's just my thoughts on it!

[callmedaleelah]

— Pinnacle [ tsukishima kei university au series ]

— and when i felt like i was an old cardigan ; tsukishima doesn’t know why he’s been thinking about you, about the time you got scolded by your mom at the parking lot—to be exact.

author’s notes : no mention of (y/n), written in second person pov, semi alternative universe, timeskip!tsukishima, college life, not proofread, english is not my first language

[ masterlist ] | [ ask daleelah go to box box 🐭 ]

The early morning chill was biting as Tsukishima and Yamaguchi started their practice. The university volleyball team had an intense session scheduled today, beginning with a few laps around campus as part of their physical strengthening routine. Tsukishima’s breath came out in visible puffs as he kept a steady pace, Yamaguchi running beside him.

“Have you sent her a message?” Yamaguchi asked, breaking the silence. Tsukishima didn’t need to ask who he was referring to.

“I told you, she said she’s on a holiday trip with her family,” Tsukishima replied, his mind flashing back to the conversation you had at the infirmary, where you adamantly refused to let the doctor give you permission to miss the exam because your mom has already planned a trip for your holiday.

Yamaguchi frowned, clearly not satisfied with that answer. “Yeah, but after seeing how her mother treated her, I bet she’s not enjoying any bit of that holiday.”

“That’s not for anyone to judge, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, though his tone lacked conviction.

The two fell into silence again. It had been two weeks since the day he saw your mother scolding you in the parking lot. The memory of you forcing yourself to drink six sachets of ginseng tonic just to satisfy her still haunted him. Despite the cold air, a wave of warmth and worry spread through his chest. He wanted to ask you if it was necessary, if you were having a good time on your holiday, if you were really okay—but he didn’t. He swallowed those worries, not wanting to intrude on something so personal.

Yamaguchi slowed his pace, glancing at his friend. “It’s for you to decide, but I know you’ve been worried about her since that day, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima’s pace faltered, his steps slowing as Yamaguchi continued ahead, leaving him standing still on the track. His heart thudded in his chest—not from the exertion, but from the flood of emotions he had been keeping at bay. He didn’t want to admit it, but Yamaguchi was right. The image of you, standing in the parking lot, looking so defeated, had been stuck in his mind. And the way your mother treated you… it reminded him too much of how he had treated you in the lab—demanding, critical, never satisfied. It made him feel guilty, like he had contributed to your burden.

He exhaled deeply, watching the breath escape from his lips in a puff of white. The morning practice was far from over, but Tsukishima felt as if he was running in circles, stuck between wanting to reach out to you and the fear of making things worse.

As he resumed his run, his mind kept drifting back to you, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe—just maybe—Yamaguchi was right. Maybe he should send that message after all.

After practice, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked together to get smoothies from Yamaguchi’s favorite store. The conversation was lighter now, shifting to the upcoming winter camp.

“The coach said we’ll have a nice winter camp in Okinawa in two days,” Yamaguchi said excitedly. “Can you believe it? Training on the beach, team bonding—it's going to be awesome.”

Tsukishima nodded, though his mind was elsewhere. “Yeah,”

They continued chatting as they waited in line, talking about the drills they’d do on the beach and the matches they might play against other teams during the camp. The excitement in Yamaguchi’s voice was contagious, and even Tsukishima felt a spark of anticipation for the camp.

When they finally took their orders and turned to leave the store, they stopped short—there you were, standing right behind them in line. You looked surprised and flustered to see them, and there was a brief moment of awkward silence.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were back from your holiday,” Yamaguchi said, breaking the silence with a cheerful grin.

Tsukishima’s eyes met yours, and he felt a rush of questions rise to his lips. He wanted to ask if you were okay, how the holiday had really been, if your mother had eased up on you—but he held back, simply watching you instead.

You smiled awkwardly and bowed your head politely to greet them as your seniors. “My holiday trip just ended two days ago, and I decided to come back to the dorm as fast as I could.”

“Why? Did you not enjoy it?” Yamaguchi asked innocently, his curiosity genuine. But before you could answer, Tsukishima discreetly stepped on Yamaguchi’s foot, silently urging him to stop pushing further. Yamaguchi winced but got the message, quickly falling silent.

You let out a small, forced chuckle, trying to mask your true feelings. “No, it was fine. It’s just that my parents want me to join the winter class with Professor Regenstein,” you explained, your eyes flickering to Tsukishima’s, searching for a reaction.

At this, Tsukishima’s gaze sharpened. “Professor Regenstein from the Biochemistry and Molecular Biology department?”

You nodded. “Yes, that’s the one.”

Tsukishima’s expression softened slightly, impressed. “He’s a great professor. You’ll get a lot of insight from his class.”

You nodded, though your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Yeah, that’s what my parents said.”

There was a brief silence, the air between you filled with unspoken words. Tsukishima could see the exhaustion in your eyes, the weight you were carrying from your holiday. He wanted to say something—anything—that might ease that burden, but he didn’t know where to start.

Yamaguchi, sensing the tension, jumped in again, this time with a lighter tone. “Well, it’s good to see you back! Maybe we can all grab lunch before we leave for winter camp.”

You blinked in confusion, tilting your head slightly. “Winter camp? What do you mean?”

Yamaguchi smiled, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, the volleyball team is heading to Okinawa for winter camp in two days. It’s going to be great—training on the beach, team bonding, all that fun stuff.”

Your smile faltered, a slight drop in your expression as his words sank in. “Oh, I see… that sounds… exciting.”

Tsukishima noticed the subtle shift in your demeanor, his own expression softening. He could see the disappointment you were trying to hide, the way your shoulders tensed slightly at the news.

Yamaguchi, still oblivious, continued with a grin, “Yeah, it’ll be a nice change of pace. But hey, how about we grab lunch tomorrow around noon before we leave?”

You forced a smile, nodding even though your mind was elsewhere. “Yeah, sure. Noon sounds good.”

Tsukishima watched you closely, feeling a pang of guilt that he couldn’t quite place. “Don’t worry, I’ll text you the time and place later.” He wanted to say something to reassure you, but the words caught in his throat. Instead, he just offered you a small, understanding smile as they began to leave the shop.

As they walked out, Tsukishima couldn’t shake the feeling that he should have said more. He felt conflicted, torn between wanting to keep his distance and wanting to be there for you. The memory of your strained expression lingered in his mind, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it anytime soon.

tagslist (free to mention) ; @theweirdfloatything @snowthatareblack @ilovemymomscooking @nayiiryun

[fraux140]

Some König Headcanons and Hottakes

So I want to preface this by saying no hate to anyone. These are just some opinions that I think some people might disagree with which is totally fine. This is also a little bit of me pointing out some of his flaws. I love him though.

He is not a shy little uwu boy who would have a panic attack if a cutie looked at him a certain way. If he was so prone to panic attacks and his anxiety was that crippling then he wouldn't have been in the special forces and he wouldn't be in a PMC - which are highly selective.

Personally I don't fully believe that he was a colonel. The only hint we have gotten of that is a one of the 'Bad Brothers' loading screens which just says 'Colonel König' with no more context. Colonels aren't really active on the battle field and it is very unlikely you would see one in action. Officers ranked that highly are seen as too valuable to be 'wasted' in infantry combat.

Continuing from my last point, even a lot of majors and Lt Colonels aren't battle prone. Considering he would have had to have passed through those ranks to become a colonel means that he would have spent a lot of time behind a desk and commanding teams such as platoons and battalions. We don't know enough about him to say that he isn't a good leader, after all he is simply an operator with a few paragraphs of text as a background. However, his voice lines and little text we do get about him tells us he is not one to enjoy standing by and having others fight on his command. He would MUCH rather be in the brawl.

And I know that Alejandro is a colonel and very active duty, however we can assume that this is largely due to his ambition and personal attachment to his home, which he wants to protect from the cartel. I'm not saying a colonel doesn't fight, but it is exceedingly rare.

My last anti-colonel theory point - why would a colonel wear such DIY gear? I just want to say if you hc him as a colonel that is absolutely FINE, those are just reasons as to why I don't :/

Moving on, I believe him to be a sore loser. For example, he was deemed unfit to be a sniper, and so he wears a sniper hood and has that voiceline "And they said I couldn't be a sniper". Dress for the job you want, not the job you have ig?

I believe he wants to prove people wrong. Getting rejected as a sniper wounded his ego so A LOT. I hc him to be between 32-37 and if he joined jagkdo/KSK (old bio said he was German and in the KSK, newer ones said Austrian and JagKdo, now there's no mention of sf so idk??) while he was younger, say around 23-26, he's had a lot of time for that wound to heal and yet it hasn't. This man holds hella grudges.

Because of this, I think that a fear of failure might also contribute to his anxiety. If he was asked about being scared to fail he'd smirk and say there was no way. But deep down in his core it eats away at him.

This might also bleed into his social life. He's fearful of relationships and remains single for a long time. He'd rather not ask you out instead of having you reject him for trying. He'd have to REALLY like somebody and also have some reassurance or signs that they liked him out.

Cannot accept accountability for simple mistakes. He knocked your coffee mug over? You shouldn't have left it there. Hit you a little too hard in training? You should be stronger. You should have dodged it. Not his fault you're not as good as him.

Is a show off. If he is obviously better at something then you'll never hear the end of it. Better driver? Better fighter. Yeah, he's bragging about it. Again, his fear of not being good enough rears its ugly head. He deflects it on to those who are weaker - they could never be him.

Damn this was a list of negatives, but I love him in spite of all of his flaws. What kind of list should I make next? I should probably do one with some positive traits lmao.

Anyway, I don't mind at all if anyone disagrees with these this is just how I see him. Maybe one day I'll write a fic where he acknowledges his demons and starts to heal.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Don't know if you've mentioned it and I've just missed it, if I have feel free to ignore this, but if not I wanted to ask: Since the Hatake clan has so few children and the ones that does exist and children overall are very much treasured, what was the WS era Hatake's view on sending children into war at a very young age? Do you HC that they do it just the same as other clans and it contributed to the dwindling number? Or did they do things differently?

OHHH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION ACTUALLY ?? OK SO

I hc that obv, warring states era, pretty much all the clans are starting out teaching their kids a lot younger than in modern times. (Though there are some exceptions in modern w some clan kids, who gets the same education that they're clans have been giving for hundreds of years)

Now, modern village-era has a lot more to teach with stuff like techniques and jutsu, (with there having been a big boom not only in the invention of new jutsu when Konoha was founded but also in the sharing of them between clans + making them standard) but warring states held them to a much higher standard with the basics they were given

So a 13 year old from modern konoha may know a few more tricks and techniques than a 13 year old from the warring states— but the warring states kid is probably going to be at a higher standard of skill. Not just bc they had less to learn and was thus trained on their basics over and over again, but also bc the states were harder on their kids bc like. They faced constant danger from literally every single direction at all times.

The village may have industrialized the child soldier buisness but it did help some. It provided a place where they didn't have to begin training till they were older (unless family interfered ofc) where they could act as children without fear of eandering too far and getting caught by bloodline thieves or rival clans, where there was time and space for them to fail at being a "good shinobi" and hopefully learn to be better

The warring states did not have any of that.

Anyways with that said! I think different clans have different standards of at what age their kids are adults now and what age are they properly battle ready.

The consensus tho is usually about ~15/16 for them being an adult (though that's still in air quotes)

You'll notice that clans who have less conflicts/are in more secure positions, have higher standards for adulthood. Like Uzushio, who considers their kids to be adults at 17.

Similarly, clans have different standards for when their kids are battlefield ready! There's a big divide also between the children of the clan head and the other children of the clan— ofc the clan heads children will probably be considered battle ready much earlier than others might just bc the clan head wants to make sure their children really get that experience.

You don't not have to be an adult to be battle ready, and many children are given missions with older clan escorts to guide them. If a child can prove their skill, they'll possibly be given their own solo missions, but ofc the type of mission is considered.

There's also probably a big difference in clans like the senju (not at risk to bloodlime theieves bc of how rare the mokuton is) and the Uchiha (very fucking at risk) treat sending out their children on missions!

So like, a senju kid might get an easy, solo courier missiom after proving their skill

But there's no way in hell the Uchiha would send out a child of the same skill and age on a solo mission of any kind

SO. ANYWAYS. THE HATAKE.

Like you said, I hc that they're a very small clan, and have problems both with fertility and also in safely giving birth. Even if they do get pregnant, there's a lot of miscarriages, c sections, and the mother dying in birth. It's very unfortunate, and because of it they treasure their children greatly

Which means ofc that their views on kids are a bit different than other clans!

Now, they are still a shinobi clan in the middle of the warring states era.

They do however have an extra bonus of being based in Iron— which actually has very few other shinobi clans, and whos millitary is mostly made up of samurai. So they have no real worries about neighboring clans attacking.

They don't even really have any direct enemies among the clans? And they have a terrifying reputation, some earned and some pure rumor, so most who know of them hear their name and immediatley turn around to book it the other way.

Which is to say: it's a bit safer for them to venture out and about than other clans, like the Uchiha.

So anyways:

When a Hatake is around 14-16, they'll lead their first hunt and have the option of gaining their 'stripes'. Red tattoos painted onto their face by the clans spiritual leader (Tobirama, when visiting his mother's clan in the past, got his tattoos here)

Once they have stripes, they are technically considered an adult— but there are ofc stages of it and they tend to not be really seen as an adult adult till about 18

The Hatake's are a self sustaining tribe and only take missions if they need the coin or it interests them. And when they do, the missions tend to be either bloody or something along the lines of "please come stand next to me and look menacing xoxo thx"

They arent to take any missions, solo or otherwise, till they've lead their first hunt. There are occasional exceptions: if the kid begs hard enough/ if the missiom looks simple and easy enough/if the missiom actually requires someone around that age/and ofc it's never solo— but in general before they lead a hunt, they pretty much never ever leave the home of their woods.

Its very boring and does lead to lots of pent up energy and begging of PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GO ON A MISSION PLEASE JUST ONE JUST ONE SINGLE MISSION ILL EVEN DELIVER MAIL IF I HAVE TO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Even once they've got their stripes, it usually takes them a bit to get their first solo mission— both bc of over protection and also bc Haruka, the clan head, is a bitch and thinks it's funny to see them cry about it.

And ofc, the clan head is the one who has final say in who gets what mission. Tho in general the matter is usually dealt with by her heir— she can just butt in at any time

SO. THEIR OPINION ON OTHER CLANS.

The kids themselves burn with jealousy with the knowledge that their peers got to see battlefields when they were 12 or whatever

The adults find it mildly distasteful, but again, they are shinobi clans in the middle of the warring states era (and also a shinobi clan with a well deserved reputation for being fucking maniacs who would tear the world apart for their family)

So they're ultimately typically kind of "damn that's crazy. I would never." (Judgmental side eye and quick retort towards their own child to not get any ideas)

I think it's hard to say specifically bc its a balance of them valuing children and all but also like. Shinobi. Yk. They are a culture built on the backs of blood and bone

There's also an interesting prospect of how coming to the village changed this— or would have, in the short years the Hatake had their before they got wiped the fuck out

Ofc, using my own ocs here, when they come to Konoha there's only one real kid left, Ichigo at ~10, and there's a few years of busy work with Konoha getting set up and all sorts of shiny new things and people to distract her before it becomes smthn she remembers to beg for again

Sakumo would be born a couple years later, and his clan would die before it became a relevant enough topic to really discuss

BUT YEAH THATS MY TAKE ON WARRING STATES CHILDREN CULTURE N STUFF THANK U FOR UR ASK

[animeyanderelover]

Who I think would be the least to most difficult Yandere to deal with from the Wolf Pack in Twilight. Let's talk about the worst aspects of them that make them dangerous.

(Yes, I am having a brainrot right now.)

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, clinginess, manipulation, guilt-tripping, stalking, agression

Least to most difficult

Embry Call

Embry is "probably" the most harmless shape-shifter from the entire pack and that is mainly thanks to his shy, reserved and considerate nature. In comparison to most of his fellow wolves at least. He is pretty much the only wolf who is too scared and way too embarrassed to approach you directly after he's imprinted and he gives everything way too much thought. You can't even guess how much thought, care and practice has gone into the moment where he finally dares to start a conversation with you. He wrecks his brain and his nerves even more when he plans to ask you out. Obviously he's still obsessive, possessive and clingy but those traits of his are toned down thanks to his quiet and somewhat flustered personality as he cares about how his darling perceives him. A rejection would be the worst thing that could happen so he's very careful with the way he acts around you and the people you love most. He doesn't want to ruin any meaningful bonds you have with others because of him, wants to be accepted by those people if he could have the best possible scenario.

It is important to mention that he's still a little creep who stalks you for the first few weeks, unable to approach you with his jittery nerves. Whilst this dies down for the most part if you two are a couple and you understand and accept the situation that you're in as his imprint, bad habits hardly die down fully. He's not someone who falls very easily victim to negative and violent thoughts so it's safe to have him with you when you hang out with your friends or fellow family members. He gets jealous after a while sure but surprisingly enough he gives you a while to notice that he's in a slightly uncomfortable position with the lack of attention. Believe me, there are people who have way worse jealous reactions in comparison to Embry's more needy tugs on your clothes all of a sudden as he tenses up when the lack of attention starts affecting him. In general he prefers to not stick out or make a scene. It's within his own comfort and yours too. That results in Embry being able to not come over as a pushover or someone unneccessarily overbearing unless he senses that something is wrong.

The fact that he is somewhat aware that some of the stuff he does stalking isn't something he should do also pays off to him being as considerate as he is. Even if he has a hard time accepting this, Embry knows that personal space matters to you at times too. He could spend every waking second with you but before he risks you growing annoyed and tired of him, he at least makes the effort to leave you alone for a bit. What contributes to him caring so much about your own wishes too is his talent to stay in tune with your own emotions. Embry is very sensitive around you and for that picks up your current mood and it always affects him too. It allows him to be great at comforting you silently when you feel down but on the negative side it also means that you can't keep stuff hidden from him since he senses it when you're lying or are nervous about something. He relies on you, opens up about his own feelings which he normally never tells anyone, and for that reacts very emotional and desperate if he fears that you might leave him. Can you really leave him despite knowing all that?

Seth Clearwater

Seth is in all honesty such a sweetheart and devotee but there are a few things that play in him not being at the bottom of the list. His young age and the naivety when it comes to imprinting are two major parts in it. He has so much to learn about shape-shifting and about the world in general, has only heard stories about imprinting so that leads to him romanticizing everything about it when he finally finds his other half. You're his entire world the moment you locked eyes with him and ever since that moment, Seth has been unable to leave you alone. I'm not kidding, he follows you everywhere and wants to be always with you as he sees this as sort of normal. You're his imprint, he's supposed to stay with you and protect you. Telling him to leave or asking him for some time alone rarely ever works and the only thing you earn are tears blurring his eyes as the thought of leaving you hurts and scares him as his young age leads him to heightened separation anxiety. There are no bad intention of guilt-tripping you behind those tears but it manages to make you feel bad most of the time anyways.

You often find yourself gullible around Seth as he's so easily emotional. If Embry gets influenced by your emotions, Seth exhibits them even stronger than you. If you're happy, he is too but if you're sad, he's even more so. He's terribly sensitive so if he really notices that you're deeply miserable, he starts crying in most cases as he's unable to hold his emotions in. He never means to do anything harmful by being such an open book but his strong emotions coupled with his need to stay with you all the time can be mentally exhausting at times for you. On a positive side note this is what allows him to handle his jealousy better than some of the more experienced wolves though as he's joyful when you are, even if you're not paying attention to him at the moment. Be careful though, he's still one of the youngest of the pack so in moments where he does get furious, he has more troubles not keeping his emotions under control and channeling all of his negative feelings onto the person who elicited them in the first place. This gets especially out of hand if he has shifted.

Seth finds himself relying on you far more than he should, especially in the relationship since he's younger than most other members of the pack. This means on the one hand that you can manipulate him the easiest but it also means that he greatly panics and doesn't know what to do if you're emotionally hurt besides crying with you and acting overbearing. In the worst case he has a meltdown because he experiences your emotions so much stronger. Something that isn't even directly his fault but also plays into his placement is his sister. Leah has yet to find her imprint and remains incredibly bitter about Sam has imprinted on her cousin so I imagine her being very adamant to not let Seth suffer from any pain now that he has found his imprint. If Seth loves you too much to fully blame you from any pain he goes through because of separation, Leah will blame you and cause you to feel bad. At the same time she also realizes that her brother is a tad bit too obsessive and tries to teach him how to love someone in a more normal fashion if you're too soft for that.

Sam Uley

Surprisingly enough, Sam ranks fairly low on this list. I think that is mainly because he's very mature for his age and the fact that he was the first one to shift and had to explain and help everyone who shifted after him is a huge attribute to this. He's the alpha of the pact so that automatically forces him to take up more responsibilities than other members as he makes the decisions most of the time and additionally his pack tends to be a rowdy bunch so he has to remind them at times to snap out of it and act their part. With the most experience stocked behind him, it's perhaps unsurprising that Sam is aware about the fact that his imprint bond causes his feelings to dwell on the borderline of being unhealthy. So he makes the effort to control himself in order to not overwhelm and scare you away from him, he's very careful how much of his emotions he exposes around you. Sam has to stay in contact with you though as any distance for too long physically hurts him. He might be considerate but be aware that he won't leave you alone for too long either.

His experience and practice as the first wolf of the current generation enables him to be able to spend time with you around people without feeling all the time jealous or possessive. It's not a safety hazard to go out with Sam in public places as he lets you spend time with friends or interact with random strangers. He actually puts trust in you unless you prove him otherwise and that trust comes with more freedom for you as you know that he won't interfere unless you signal him so or unless he thinks that something is wrong. You're actually able to talk and rationalize with the alpha if something does bother him and both of you can negotiate certain stuff simply because he acknowledges your own feelings and wishes and tries his best to find a middle ground where both of you are comfortable. Sam leans more into the protective than possessive side and since you're his imprint, he sees it as his responsibility to guarantee your safety and happiness. I feel like especially because his father has given him and his mother troubles, he'd be very determined to make you happy.

Now that we've shaded enough positive things about him, let's talk about the bad stuff which is precisely the fact that he's the alpha and feels like it's his responsibility to make you happy. Because this leadership really shows at times in the relationship because especially if his darling isn't someone who speaks up, Sam will take pretty much control over it. He's very dominant and whilst he isn't domineering and only makes decision which he thinks are best for you, if he has set his mind to something it is very difficult to convince him otherwise. Yes, he is negotiating but only if you agree to his conditions or otherwise he won't let you leave. If something is an absolute "no" in his mind, it'll remain that way and there's literally nothing you can do. If you go against him even if he forbids you something, you'll truly experience all the reasons why he's still dangerous. If you go against a rule he has set, you'll lose his trust and not only that, Sam will grow very strict. Restrictions are suddenly interfering with your life as you fully experience him taking full control for a while. Until you've earned his trust back.

Jared Cameron

We're now entering the zone where things get out of hand, starting with Jared. Now, you might wonder why I've placed him above Sam because on the surface, Jared appears to be rather harmless. He's extroverted and constantly cracks jokes to elicit laughter or a smile out of you. Truthfully speaking though, Jared's problems already start with his perception of the imprint bond. He sees nothing wrong with it and he never questions his thoughts and his actions as a result either. Separation from you is literally one of the worst things you could do to him as he experiences pain and a few of the worst mood swings you'll see. He constantly switches back and forth between moping on the floor in misery to growling at other pack members, irritated and unmotivated. You always have to stay in some sort of contact with him or otherwise he'll ask you immediately why you couldn't come over to him or at least call him or send him a mail. To avoid all potential troubles Jared might experience if you aren't with him, you oftentimes are forced to spend entire days with him. Without a break.

Now, Jared cares about his darling and wants them to be happy with him but if they ever ask him for a short time alone, he'll only end up with a mix of confusion and hurt. He can spend every second with you because you're his imprint, you should feel the same, shouldn't you? The previously mentioned misunderstanding of his view of the imprint bond gives you only more of an headache because Jared is literally unable to understand or accept that you want your privacy at times too and want to spend time without him. Both of you might have gotten into arguments about this a few times already yet you got nowhere as Jared is always too dense to comprehend what you demand from him. What do you know about the imprint bond anyways? He's the shape-shifter, not you. This particular mindset is something that he goes by rather strongly and makes the situation only worse at times. You're human, you don't understand what's going on right now and just like that, Jared has written all your arguments and opinions off as your lack of understanding of his world.

With him around, it's impossible to have a decent conversation with others as he despises it when your attention isn't on him. He starts distracting you and if you try to ignore him or shove him away, he'll only get worse. There are also times where he just doesn't like a person for no rational reason and for that is always very wary and on guard around them. If they get anywhere near you, he'll glare heavily at them. It can or can't go well with him when you're with others he doesn't feel safe around. The moment he pulls you closer to him and you realize the growl vibrating inside his chest, you know it's time to leave though because you're not risking it as soon as you know what he is. Jared is willing to resort to emotional blackmailing if he sees the need for it and once you have him kneeling in front of you, hugging you and sobbing to not be mad at him and to not leave him, you'll find yourself stuck. Once he has realized that something works on you to convince you to not do something, he remembers it and uses it again. Especially arguments are always cut short for that reason as he hates getting in conflicts. Let's just stay happy like this.

Quil Ateara

Quil is almost similar to Jared in a few ways. Both wouldn't necessarily appear all that dangerous upon the first few glances. Quil himself is a very cheerful and happy individual and that only intensifies upon imprinting on you. He's charming and he's constantly complimenting you and in a few ways he's actually a bit better than Jared is. He is handling his jealousy better as happiness is something that makes you look only more beautiful so he just endures it for a while before he starts making sarcastic jokes, something you'll hopefully realize and turn around to give him the attention he so sorely craves. Quil is often taking you outside too because whilst he also enjoys just being somewhere with you where no people and no other distractions are, the city offers the chance for fun dates which he wants you two to have so there won't be such a big isolation factor. Physical separation from you is not something he can deal with at all though and even if he tries, he's unable to do anything after a while as your absence pains him greatly. You often have to come back to get him back on his feet.

Quil harbors a similar mindset as Jared in which he thinks that you probably react the way you are because you don't understand what's going on but differently from Jared, he tries to sympathize with you. Or at least give you the illusion of doing so, a strategy to appease you in order to not get into an unnecessary argument with you. That's a problem with Quil. He backs off and follows your wishes for a while so you calm down before he goes to break them again and act the same way, trying to justify his behavior by saying that he slipped up and that it isn't that easy for him to stay away from you thanks to the imprint bond. He's much more likely to use manipulation on you and it's frightening to think how much he actually calculates behind his happy grin. Technically speaking Quil's darling experiences more freedom than Jared's darling would but the main reason why Quil is higher is because he's far more unpredictable. Jared is with his behavior very frequent to the point where you can anticipate his reactions, Quil on the other hand is much more sly and frankly spoken, scarier.

This man takes matters into his own hands if he sees the need for it and that is a very frightening aspect. Sure, he won't kill or hurt humans unless he's given a good reason but whilst all the previous shape-shifters wouldn't go necessarily much against humans because it's their job to protect them from vampires, Quil will. He's almost apathetic to someone who has harmed or hurt you in any way or form as in his eyes, only someone truly evil could hurt you. It's difficult for such people to gain any forgiveness from him. Even if you forgive them, even if this is a person you still want in your life, if they fail to convince Quil, it's over. He will cut all ties you have with that person and even if your sadness breaks his heart, he views the connection with such a person only as toxic and as a guarantee to get you hurt again. Better cut ties before it hurts more. He doesn't shy away from using threats and intimidation to get the message across and the worst part about it is that he's lying to you. He tells you that he doesn't know why that person is suddenly avoiding you whilst comforting you all at the same time.

Paul Lahote

I think it's obvious why he's placed that high but let's jump straight into the mess that is Paul anyways. His temper is already short as it is so just imagine what it's going to be like once he imprints on his s/o. Paul, from the moment his world has shifted upon looking at you, acts incredibly possessive and dominant, jealous and aggressive. Being with you isn't just something he wants, it's something he needs and whether you like it or not, he's from that point on always sticking with you. Partially he might understand your point of view but at the end of the day, he's feeling incredibly entitled and even desperate as he just can't be away from you. He can't! Why can't you understand that? His entitlement is very difficult to handle as he essentially sees himself due to the imprint bond as the only one who is meant to protect you and who can protect you. So instead of being fully grateful if someone else helps you, he's pissed off that they interfered with a bond they couldn't even begin to fathom. You're not a victim to his ire but he's slightly mad when you ask someone else for help since that should be him.

As his possessive and protective obsession spikes his anger issues into space, you see yourself faced with multiple problems once you know what Paul is. His emotions are out of control as even the smallest thing could set him off at any time. One wrong glance from someone, one insult that is whispered behind your back or even a joke from a friend of yours that comes over wrong in his head. He tends to get angry over even the small stuff which you would usually brush off and don't pay too much attention too. He can't just ignore it if someone teases you or says something rude to you, even if it comes from someone you're close to. Not even to mention that his possessive side leads to increased jealousy to the point where he growls even at your close friends. He seems to trust no one with your safety besides himself. His overprotective behavior makes him on top of it all very overbearing as he's constantly hovering around you and makes a big fuss over you as soon as he realizes that you're in any sort of pain. He gives you even less space in such cases as all his instincts scream at him to take care of you.

There's definitely a big isolation factor alongside his limited patience. Paul does practice to control his temper but the amount of times he suffers from a relapse is saddening as much as disappointing for you as his feelings always get the better of him. In order to prevent anything bad from happening, you have to spend most of your time alone with him which Paul doesn't mind but you definitely do. You constantly have to neglect other people as Paul consumes almost all of your time for himself because otherwise he can't be reasoned with. You know he's very sweet and funny if he's alone and has your attention only on himself but the moment anyone else is around you two, he always seems to be on guard. Even his own pack members aren't an exception to that. If you want to do something alone, you need hours to convince Paul who doesn't want to hear any of it. You need to call him though multiple times an hour or otherwise he'll come running after you. Once you've left his field of vision, he's worried sick as his irritation increases every minute.

Leah Clearwater

We've nearly arrived at the top of the list now and the second place goes to the only female shape-shifter in the pack: Leah Clearwater. But why? Well, I feel like there's one big event that pretty much influenced her life and changed her personality. That's the day where Sam, her ex-boyfriend, imprinted on her cousin Emily and broke up with her. She was happily in love before her heart got torn apart and she hasn't forgiven Sam nor Emily fully for it. Worst is that Sam is now her alpha and she's seeing him and Emily being happy together far too often which only worsens her heartbreak. Even if Emily is his imprint, she can't get over it and it isn't until she locks eyes with you for the first time that she's for the first time able to understand why Sam made the decision he did. You're happiness, you're a cure and an absolute joy in her grim life and Leah knows that she'd do anything to keep you safe and happy. Alongside with the imprint bond comes a feeling of pressure unlike anything she has experienced before though as with the sheer ecstasy comes also stress and an overwhelming tightness in her chest.

Leah is insecure. Insecure and terrified. Whilst she has now gotten over Sam, the pain and the previous heartbreak now shifts into something else. Insecurity, fear and paranoia that somehow she'll lose you too. She doesn't want her heart to be broken again since she knows that she'd never recover if you would reject her and it's this paranoia and fear that turns her into this bitter, possessive and jealous woman. Sam and Emily have shaped her and she'll never recover from those issues throughout her entire life which means that she'll never learn how to deal with her emotions. Worst is that she doesn't even try, differently from some other wolves. I mean, even Paul tries to control his anger issues even if he fails but Leah never seeks treatment to better herself. She has better control over her ability to shift anyways and with the rest of her broken emotions, she doesn't see the need to practice to better herself. Instead she lets her fear guide her to act incredibly possessive and overprotective. She wants to do well but her reactions are always far too extreme as soon as she notices that something is wrong with you.

Her open insecurities are her main problem in the relationship as she's quite often worried that you'll find someone who you like more than her. Believe me, she knows that she is hard to be around but she can hardly reason with herself as her feelings always take control over her. She might not be as openly aggressive as Paul is but she'll definitely scare people away from you too. She gets very easily jealous and that can even apply to family members and closest friends of you, even if she knows herself that you value them only platonically. There's little to no respect she shows someone as soon as they've triggered her as she insults them in a bitter tone, poison seething through her words. She never apologizes to them either as her pride holds her back and she only feels guilty when she realizes that she's hurt you by acting so rude. Leah wants to shield you from feeling even an ounce of the pain she had to go through but that unfortunately leads her to cutting people out of your life as soon as they've made you cry. She doesn't care what their motives are, she'll never forgive them. They just have to stay away from you.

Jacob Black

Did you see this coming? Jacob and Leah are at the top of my list for the exact same reason. Both used to be very deeply in love with someone but both were rejected because that person loved someone else. I give Jacob the price of being the most difficult one though because I feel like he'll exhibit everything in an even worse way than Leah. Why? Because at this rate Jacob just doesn't care anymore. Paul cares about his darling and tries to control himself, Leah ocassionally cares and feels guilty, but Jacob just doesn't anymore. He's done with being hurt, done with being left behind for someone else. Now he has finally found his imprint, the person most important to him and he decides that he'll never allow history to repeat itself. That's why he's willing to go very far and use very low tricks to manage to get close to you as fast as possible as he's in a desperate rush right now as every person around you is suddenly turned into a potential rival in his eyes. He feels bad about it if he sees that it has a negative effect on you but he shoves it all away as he prioritizes his own needs.

Jacob is sure that if you give it a try with him, you'll soon forget about the sadness you experience. In his mind you two only need each other and no one else is really needed. He definitely lives after this philosophy as he makes you his absolute priority and neglects and ditches everyone else and expects you to do the same. If you don't do the same and actually meet others and prefer to spend time with them instead of spending time with him, he'll hold it against you and even more against the person who has such a bad influence on you. He pushes anyone away from you who hurts you even once or whom he simply dislikes for being close with you and since he's so incredibly clingy and no one really likes him with his sultry and rude attitude he always has around others, your social contacts begin to wither away. He's openly mentally unstable and very toxic to the point where everyone around him notices. Yet no one is able to reason with him and make him listen. Not his pack, not his alpha and not even his own father. If Bella tries to help him? That'll just end in a disaster as he has lost all sympathy for her.

From all shape-shifters, Jacob is also the one who uses guilt-tripping and emotional blackmailing the most without shame. Leah uses emotional blackmail sometimes too but not nearly as much as Jacob does. As soon as you start going against him and question the undeniable control he wants to have over your life to feel a little bit more secure, he's always resorting to it. Whether it's him justifying it all with the imprint bond or blaming Bella for having broken his heart previously and having made him this way, he does everything to take your mind elsewhere and stop you from protesting, stop you from leaving him. He can lose his cool for a moment and start shouting at you if you prove to be stubborn although at this point he has probably already started crying in hopes that tears will tug at your heartstrings. There's a point where he snaps though and that's probably when he's just unnerving as he threatens to hurt himself if you try to leave him. Do you want to risk it? I can tell you that he'll definitely start neglecting taking care of himself until you come back to him.

[fizzigigsimmer]

This is my contribution to the Harringrove Relay Race

There's no following @bigdumbbambieyes but take this humble offering.

The Best You (Never) Had

written for @harringrove-relay-race

Rating: M

Pairing: Steve x Billy with a heavy dose of angst.

I was charmed and instantly driven insane by the absolutely bomb Harringrove playboy bunnies drawn by @adelacreations, and it inspired me to wonder about a trans femme Billy, running into her past at a strip club.

Enjoy the adventures of Bunny Hargrove.

And stay on the look out for what @robthegoodfellow has coming up!

When Billie left Hawkins she hadn’t looked to her future and seen herself working at a strip club. She certainly hadn’t foreseen the possibility of having to serve her high-school bully cheap food and lousy drinks in one once she’d made it back to Cali. But that’s exactly what seems to be in store for her – fuck her life.  

Five men occupy the half moon booth and table reserved mostly for bachelor parties and the occasional VIP. Billie’s coworker Amanda has been serving them food and drinks while they enjoy the sets of dancers on stage, but her wait shift is ending and Billie’s prepping to take over – tuning out the other woman as she complains about one of the men grabbing at her ass and being a poor tipper. 

It seems impossible, but somehow it’s happening. Steve Harrington is sitting right there, watching Lacey wiggle her ass in red spandex to a Katy Perry song.   

It’s been going on fifteen years, but Billie would recognize him anywhere. Same slouch to the shoulders and dreamy eyed stare – neither Lacey’s wild gyrations nor the conversation of the group he’s with enough to hold his full attention. Same stupid hair, although he’s changed the shape since high school. Now it’s held securely to one side by too much gel, and she just wants to break it up with her fingers. His laugh still doesn’t reach his eyes, and it probably says a lot about Billie, that some part of her is relieved to see that.  

Her rent might be too high, her boss might be a creep, and her ex is still full of shit, but Steve Harrington is still hanging around with guys like Tommy and faking a smile, so it balances the scales. 

He’s still gorgeous too, fuck him. Billie swallows and forces herself to look away, and not run away like the frantic beating of her heart suggests that she should. She’s got nothing to hide, and she’s not ashamed.  

There’s no reason at all she shouldn’t saunter right over to the table with the bachelor party Amanda was gracious enough to split with her (knowing all about her rent worries) and flirt her way to another month of financial security; except for the fact that even in this day and age, certain people still get funny about people like her and Billie knows these guys. 

Or rather, they knew her before – before she got out of Neil’s house, before freedom, before Billie. 

There’s no reason at all she shouldn’t go over there and take that table full of drunk losers, eager to blow their cash on the club's cheap booze and dancing girls, for all that they’re worth. Nothing besides fear. 

Fuck that. 

The group is laughing loudly about something as Billie saunters up, one last swarm of butterflies taking flight in her belly as Hagen turns his neck to squint blearily at her.  

God, that stupid smirk hasn’t changed a bit – wide and dopey like the dog he is, and mean in the eyes.  Those beetle browns look her over just like they did on her first day in Hawkins, assessing for strengths and weaknesses to exploit; and for a moment she remembers the terror of being under that gaze and all the others like it. The fear of being caught out consuming her, choking her, day after day. 

Sorry kid. Billie thinks to herself with a sway of her hips, right before parking herself up against the arm of the leather couch, warm skin brushing the sleeve on Tommy’s shoulder. The way that his lips part unconsciously as he gawks at her doesn’t make up for the past, but it still feels damn good. She’s a bad bitch and she knows it. Knew it back then but now she can show it and will kick ass if Tommy or any of his buddies decide they have a problem with it. 

But it’s not recognition of any kind on any of their faces, it’s lust. They leer at the shiny shorts that hug her thighs and the plunging neckline of her tiny top – her employer's idea of a uniform. Whatever vindication she feels on behalf of her pitiful high school self, she doesn’t actually care anymore what Tommy and the clones think. 

Billie finds her eyes going to Steve like they’re magnetized.  

She shouldn’t care what Harrington thinks either, and yet, there’s a stupid flutter in her chest (damn it) when Steve looks her over, eyes lingering just a hair too long on her chest to be anything other than interested, before he meets her eye. 

“Hey beautiful.” He leans forward a little, totally present now like he wasn’t before dripping charm he obviously learned in some board room working for daddy. And yet, there’s still some part of Billie that expects to wake up in bed back in the house on Cherry Street.  

“What’s your name?” Steve Harrington is definitely asking, her, like it’s just a pre-courser to getting her naked, and Billie shivers. Fuck is she doing this? 

“Hi Bambi, I’m Bunny.” She teases. Sees the line in the sand and walks right over it. Tommy howls like some chick likening his buddy to a baby deer is the most hilarious shit, and it sets the others off, oohing and ahhing and generally acting like fools as they rib Harrington. 

But Steve ignores them, and the way he jolts a little when he hears that name, eyes narrowing on her in wary confusion, goes straight to her clit. Shit. One of these days her hard on for danger is gonna get her killed. But today it’s got her heart thumping and her pussy dripping as she clenches around nothing, like he’s already sliding inside where she obviously still wants him. She needs better taste in men. She’s sure her mama would have said she gets her poor taste from her if she’d stuck around long enough while Billie was growing up. 

“I’m a sucker for big pretty brown eyes.” She winks at him, sugar sweet and he seems to settle a little. “Can I get you another round of drinks, or are you in the mood for something better?” 

“Bunny.” He ignores the question to turn her show name over on his tongue, slow and curious like he’s tasting it. “Are you on tonight?” He asks, gaze twitching toward the stage and back. 

“You calling me a stripper Bambi?” 

“It is a strip club, and with a name like Bunny.” 

Billie laughs and Steve’s mouth slides into a satisfied smirk, like that was always the end goal. Tommy rolls his eyes and pouts like an overgrown toddler, “Didn’t you date a chick named Trixie?” 

“Yeah. So?” Steve drawls in reply, his focus momentarily shifting from Billie and back to Tommy, which if Billie’s memory serves, is exactly how Tommy likes it. 

This is a bad idea. Such a bad idea. God, Hagen really hasn’t changed, but neither has Steve. Those dry little dig and the arch of his eyebrows are so familiar she feels a strange sort of relief. Like there was something inside her that had been counting down since the last time she saw him, afraid that he’d change and become lost to memory. 

Fuck. That sounds – it’s not, what it sounds. 

“So, you can’t tell a stripper by their name is all I’m saying.” 

“Dude, are you serious? I met Trixie because you paid for her to show up at my apartment dressed like a police officer and give me a lap dance on my birthday.” 

Now there’s an idea, Billie thinks as Tommy, remembering the incident, smiles sheepishly.  

“I’m not dancing tonight, no.” Billie finally answers his question, pulling Steve’s attention back and a shiver goes down her spine when his eyes snap to her. “But I wouldn’t say no to tying you up and having my way with you, Pretty Boy.” 

She doesn’t have to wonder if Steve remembers her the way she remembers him. If the words Billie had said and the insults, she’d flung had burrowed under his skin to live with him the same way Billie lives with his.  

Steve flinches, his eyes narrowing sharply on her, and it’s barely perceptible but she catches it before he’s being nudged at and jostled from both sides by his buddies as they hoot and holler about how he’s been chosen.  

He never stops looking at her. 

The only one who doesn’t seem absolutely thrilled for him to get picked up by some babe in a seedy strip club in Santa Monica is Tommy, who grumbles something about the attention being wasted on Steve. 

For the first time Billie wonders if he might be the bachelor about to get hitched – and she’s the one to flinch this time, as her eyes dart down to his hand. The ring finger is empty, which doesn’t really prove anything, but the pale strip of skin she finds there tells its own story.  

Divorced? Long engagement? Married already perhaps and out to prove the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Fuck she hopes it’s not the last one. Not because it would change anything for her. Maybe it would, if she were a nicer person, but she’s not the married one, and if she started splitting hairs about fooling around with married men her tip jar would be a whole lot emptier each month. 

No. She just plain doesn’t want him to be attached. The thought makes her chest twist up inside and the bottom of her stomach feel like it’s going to fall right out her ass – the same fucked up emotional constipation she’d felt watching him run through the female population of Hawkins High like he was trying to make them all forget they’d watched Nancy Wheeler take his balls and then make an absolute fool of him.  

“Thanks for the offer, Bunny -” Steve starts, and she can hear the butt coming as clear as the others can if the sudden swell of groans is anything to go by. 

“Harrington! Come on man.” 

“Boo!” 

“See what I mean? That’s a fucking ten right there, and you’re going to blow it over some bitch who doesn’t even want you?!” Screeches Tommy. 

Bingo. Thank you, Tommy, with the big mouth. So, it’s divorced. Separated but still holding on to the past – just like old times. 

It makes her smile a little mean as she leans toward him, holding his gaze, purrs - “You scared, Bambi? Worried I might break you?” 

Steve clamps his mouth shut. His eyes blaze at her and her throat goes dry. 

“Oh ho! Careful now darlin, our Stevie boys got a pretty big ego. You might not want to poke that bull if you’re not ready for the ride.” One of the bros says with the kind of glint in his eye that says he lives for ‘big egos’ putting little women like her into place. Fucking prick. 

Steve seems to think so too because he mutters, “Shuttup Andy” as he reaches in his pocket for his wallet. 

“How much?” he asks her, sounding bored. It’s bullshit. Billie licks her lip in triumph. 

“Fifty for a lap dance here at the table, fifty more if you want to see some tit.”  

“How much for a private show?” 

Her breath hitches, her stomach tightening in her eagerness, but somehow, she keeps the breath out of her tone as she replies. 

“Depends on what you want to see.” She answers, and without so much as a pause Harrington smiles – challenges. 

“Everything.” 

Fuck. She’s doing this. 

She’s not delusional enough to think that fucking him is going to heal her inner child or whatever, and while she firmly believes she doesn’t owe every one night stand a complete rundown of her medical history, she’s fully aware of how this is different – of what the upstanding thing to do would be. 

But then Billie remembers the way Steve had started pushing back after their fight that strange night at the Byers house; the way he’d swooped in and pulled the rug out from under her – reclaiming his spot as top dog, just by existing. No begging. No apologies. He just opened the doors to that mansion he lived in and rang the bell, and Tommy and the rest had come looking for supper.  

She remembers the cruel things he said to her as he flaunted his big house and fancy car, rubbing in how quickly it was over once he made it a real contest; because however shiny and new Billie had been to those kids, she was still just trash under it all. Angry white trash going nowhere fast, while Steve was Mr. Somebody. Once he’d pulled his head out of Wheeler’s ass and remembered it, he’d made turning the school against Billie his new focus.  

Pushed further and further to the fringes, Billie’s only choice to keep the jackals at bay had been to fight them off until people got the message and started avoiding her altogether.  

She’s not claiming victim. She knows damn well who started the fight – that it was her own demons that drove her to lash out and try and prove her dominance over him – and that after that night at the Byers, Steve had especially no reason to take mercy on her. 

But just because she’d asked for the fight doesn’t mean taking a beating hadn’t nearly pushed her to the edge. 

Billie swallows back the taste of bitterness in her mouth, from the memory of being alone, broken and desperate, aching to be near someone who loathed her and yearning for the looks he gave so easily to other girls. 

Except now he is – King Steve – looking at Billie Hargrove like he wants her. Like he’d empty out his wallet and spend all of that nepo baby salary just for the chance to get at her; and like hell is she going to turn it away. Revenge couldn’t get sweeter than this. The only thing that could make it better is if he knew. It’s me on your mind. Me you can’t ignore. Me you can’t walk away from. 

But it’s just a fantasy. The reality him recognizing her now or later has her swinging from vicious jubilation toward mind numbing panic on a dime. 

Regardless - Steve Harrington stands up, ignoring the cheers of his drunk friends, eyes locked with hers – and Billie Hargrove makes her own choices. 

Billie is going to ride Steve until he sees God, hollowed be her name. Because she wants him (still) and he finally wants her. Just for once. That’s all she needs.  

She can worry about the aftermath after. 

[bannanasrus]

Halloween Special (Blake and Cecil)

I really wanted to do a Halloween Special with these two idiots so here we are, Blake and Cecil go to a Halloween party and spooky vore related shenanigans (as well as really over the top silliness) occur

Contains M/M safe vore, belching, body worship, belly worship, silliness ect. Mention of M/M fatal vore

“Blake” called Cecil from the bathroom as he fixed his cape around his bulging shoulder “We need to leave, soonish”

“I’ll follow on after you” called Blake from their bedroom “I just need to put some finishing touches on my costume”

“Are you sure you’ll be ok making your own way down there”

“I’m perfectly sure” replied Blake “I’m more worried about you catching a cold in your costume”

“I’ll be fine” Cecil replied flexing his biceps in the mirror, hell yeah he was big, bigger than he had been before, he placed a hand on his thickened abs, Blake had knocked some assholes out who’d been bothering him on his way home from work and proceeded to feed them to Cecil. Blake had then sat on his lap and rubbed his distended gut until they were sludge being pumped around his body to make him even more huge. Blake was so very, very into his boyfriends size and his boyfriends muscles, in fact when he saw the costume that Cecil had decided on for the party (Hercules), Cecil could not help but see the slight look of what might have been termed pre-emptive jealousy, in his eyes. Sure the Hercules costume didn’t exactly leave much to the imagination, but Blake didn’t need to be jealous.

“If you’re sure… I’ll see you later, at Elsie’s”

“Make sure you get there safe - Love you”

“Love you too” Blake called back, the fondness in his voice setting Cecil back at ease.

He arrived at Elsie’s House which sat in the shadow of a large and ornate building. Her house was surprisingly cheap to buy, largely owing to rumours of it being haunted. Elsie, had immediately jumped on it, and to be perfectly honest the ghosts would need to be a bit more worried about Elsie than Elsie needing to be worried about them.

Cecil went up to the door and pulled on the chain, there was the sounds of feet and Elsie opened the door “Cecil Darling” she said as Cecil pulled her into a hug

“How are you” he asked

“I’m good I’m good, halloween’s my favourite time of year you know” she said cheerily. Unsurprising Cecil thought to himself - Elsie always loved the weird and wonderful - she was also a literal witch so that definitely contributed to it. No one had anything to fear from Elsie, unless they provoked her, or happened to be low flying aircraft. If Elsie’s boyfriend wasn’t already un-dead he might possibly end up dying again from the sheer panic of how terrible she was at flying her broomstick. “And how about you” she asked “and where’s your cute little cat” she said looking over Cecil’s shoulder

“I’m great” said Cecil “and I’m assuming you’re talking about Blake - he said he’d follow along”

“Well I hope he makes it here safely” said Elsie as she lead Cecil down the hallway and into the main room “Oh and we’re having some entertainment later”

“oh what kind”

“Oh well I can’t spoil it, but it’ll be great fun” said Elsie

Cecil circulated round the couples and singletons alike at the party, there was a fairly good mix some from the university some from the gym - still in gym clothes - his attention was however drawn by the elderly lady in the corner of the drawing room.

Done up like every stereotypical fortune teller, bangles dripping from her wrists, her hair curly and grey, covered by a long veil, shawls, long and flowing draped around her arms. She looked, Cecil felt like she belonged in a novel, or on a stage, but here she was in front of him reading fortunes of those who came by her table.

“Cecil” came her voice

“Sorry” he said “wait how do you know my name”

“I know everything” she said as he approached her. “It is my business to know” she gestured to her tarot cards and her crystal ball “for instance, you have a boyfriend named Blake, who works in Wrightman and associates and Wrightman - don’t forget about Wrightman”

“How on earth do you know that” said Blake

“Like I say it’s my business to know, but in this case I must claim that I would be predisposed to have such information”

“How?”

“I used to work at Wrightman and Associates and Wrightman don’t forget about Wrightman”

“It is a bit of a mouthful” said Cecil

“It is”

“Any idea why it’s called that”

“I think it was a typo” said the fortune teller

“Can you tell that from your crystal ball” asked Cecil

The fortune teller passed her hands across the object it question

“It was” she replied

“Ha” said Cecil as he sat opposite the fortune teller he noted that her eyes studied him scrupulously

“Do you not hold true the art of Scrying?” She asked

“Well” said Cecil “I suppose that I can be persuaded, though I hardly think it is possible to gaze into a crystal ball and see the future, like it’s a movie”

“Perhaps, but it is not to see the future as a movie that I scry, rather-more it is to see what possibly might happen”

“Do you mean you can see possibly futures?”asked Cecil

“I divine information from a variety of sources, take the rune stones when one is found face up the meaning of that stone takes its course, when found lying reversed…”

“the reverse occurs”

“Yes, perhaps, or perhaps the wrong question was asked”

“Forgive me but this seems to obfuscate the truth”

“which is what”

“That you seem to be a very observant woman who observes everything about someone before spookily telling them their fortune, in a sense you are a fortune teller who can see into the future and devine information but, I can’t see you doing it through supernatural means.”

“Indeed, well I do pride myself upon observation. But how about I tell you some things that I couldn’t possibly know”

“For instance?”

“The fact that you are concerned - mildly, for you know he has no reason to be - that your boyfriend is a bit jealous of you walking around in such a revealing outfit. He also might well be a little, though he knows equally that your heart and his heart are in each-others hands - and yes, I do see that he might…”

“How on earth do you know that” asked Cecil, “are you Martha?” He said very confused

“No my dear, Martha Oldcapple is a very sceptical person” said the fortune teller, “and in any case, how would Martha Oldcapple know about you fearing Blake was a bit jealous?”

He moved backwards as the Fortune Teller continued “Nothing escapes the Great Griselda” said Griselda spreading her arms wide “she sees all she knows all” she smiled in a grandmotherly fashion “would you like me to read your tea leaves dear?”

Somewhat later Elsie had dragged Cecil from a conversation he’d been having, to bring him to a back room of the house. The room had been turned into a temporary intimate theatre, staging had been set up and various mismatched chairs had been pulled to face the stage.

“I take it this is tonight’s entertainment?” Asked Cecil

“Yes” said Elsie cheerfully as more people filed into the room

“Is it everyone at the party?” Asked Cecil

“Not quite” said Elsie

“Huh”

“Oh just wait and see” said Elsie skipping away

The lights in the room dimmed and Cecil looked up at the makeshift stage as on to it came a number of people dressed in costumes, all were fairly skimpy, they danced honestly quite excellently and Cecil was enjoying himself until he suddenly realised that he hadn’t seen Blake since he left their flat. Blake was supposed to meet him here wasn’t he?

He looked back up on the stage as a third figure entered, small slight and wearing cat ears and a cat tail. Dark haired and grinning.

It was Blake, the feline in him being exemplified by his movements and of course the Cheshire Cat smile he had on his face, he blew kisses to the audience stopping at Cecil to give him a wink.

Oh you little brat thought Cecil to himself grinning genuinely impressed at Blake’s makeup and costume skills.

“Hello all you big handsome Gentlemen and Big Beautiful Ladies” called Blake from the stage, for being small Blake had a voice that carried “This man really wants a place to spend the night of all hallows eve in, after all tonight is when the spooks come out, and I don’t mind telling you, I’m scared to death!” He made an exaggerated gesture to raucous laughter.

“But I am not choosing just anybody” he said smiling “Whoever I chose needs to be able to be my hero”

A piano began to play in the corner of the room, as Cecil turned to look it was played by Elsie

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods” began Blake dramatically passing his hand through his hair as he said the Hercules he winked at Cecil

Is he dancing in heels thought cecil as he realised the couple of inches of heel Blake had on his boot, he also noticed with some mild jealousy that Blake was flirting playfully through the song with a slender man with Sandy hair in the front row dressed in Ripped jeans as a cowboy. Then with a Bulky Man in the back row with Red hair dressed as some random horror movie character Cecil was pretty sure, he hated horror movies, but besides that, both looked like they wanted to devour Blake then and there and were practically out of their seats. Blake turned on the second “Larger than life” looking directly at Cecil and grinning again, challengingly Oh thought Cecil to himself that’s his game is it? Well if he wants to play the flirt to make me jealous, he’s got me jealous.

Cecil rose from his seat even as the two other men did the same hurrying to the base of the stage, he had no idea what was in his mind but whatever it was it excited Blake as he only continued to get more and more dramatic and flirtatious as the song, fabulously sung, came to its finale. As Blake delivered the Final “I need a hero” a few things happened number one the ginger man and the Sandy haired man both practically leapt for Blake and Blake who had done a spin on his last line overbalanced and toppled off the stage, right as Cecil stuck out his arms and caught him.

Blake breathed s steady sigh of relief and then, looking up into Cecil’s face brushed his hand along his jaw and smirked.

“Ladies and Gentlemen I hope you are good losers cause this man, this gorgeous hunk just won the right to eat me up tonight”

“Hey” said the Sandy Haired man “that’s not fair”

“Not it’s not” grumbled the red-head

“And I thought you were a primadona” said Blake

“Watch your tone Prey” snarled the Sandy Haired man

“Or what” said Blake smiling

He didn’t wait for an answer lunging for Blake instead, for his trouble Cecil promptly kicked him in the groin The red-headed man possibly sensing that he maybe shouldn’t be bothering either of them scarpered.

Blake and Cecil then headed out of the room Blake smiling gently up at Cecil the whole time. His cuteness and feline qualities only being exacerbated by his costume.

That soon changed into a frown when both became aware of the sight of a small man dressed in a tight fitting all black costume who stomped up to them and scowled up at Cecil

“Oh so you’re here with your boy-toy” he said glaring daggers at Blake though his question was addressed to Cecil

“Oh for goodness sake” groaned Blake hating the antics of Cecil’s Ex

“What do you want Beau” asked Cecil

“My name is Jett” snapped Jett

“Of course it is”

“Did you forget my name?”

“Well you wanted to be treated as food and food doesn’t need a name” replied Cecil, this might have been intimidating for someone who was normal but I am sure you’ve gathered that Jett wasn’t really normal

“Hmmmmph, I’m sure that he wants to stay with you outside your gut”

“Yes, but he also doesn't mind spending time inside it”

“Argh” snapped the angry little man again “I don’t get it, I would have been the perfect protein meal why did you never eat me?”

“Because against all conceivable logic I cared for you, even now I wouldn’t do that to you, I don’t eat friends or Boyfriends unless they ask me to”

Possibly out of frustration Jett made a swing at Blake who smirking swung back knocking into Jett’s jaw.

“That’s enough” came Elsie’s voice

“Come on you’ve had your fun” said Ezra Elsie’s Undead boyfriend who carried Jett out of the front door of the house

“I apologise for any Trouble Elsie” said Cecil

“No need to apologise” said Elsie smiling “I’m just Glad that the Plan worked out”

“What plan?”

“That little show, Blake wanted to do it for you as well as the little competition for who would eat him up tonight”

“Kind of an unfair one since I already decided the winner” said Blake

“Top of the stairs on the left down to the bottom of the corridor,” said Elsie

“Is what” asked Cecil

“Your room for the night silly” she said smiling

“Thank you, thank you so much, but-”

“No need to thank me” said Elsie “just enjoy yourself, its a nice and quiet room”

The two of them got up to the room and sat on the bed. Blake sat in Cecil’s lap.

“Blake”

“Yes Darling” said Blake

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Fire away”

“Were you jealous”

“Jealous of you having your muscles out for all the world to see”

“Yes I suppose I was a bit worried and then the great Griselda told me you might be Jealous”

“I don’t know who she is” said Blake “I suppose I’m not so much jealous as a bit possessive, I know I don’t have to worry but like, whenever I see you talk to Prey guys, I suppose I feel a bit like you do when I’m around Preds, like you’re mine stay right beside me”

“I guess I was quite jealous when you were flirting with those guys”

“I know, but I also know I don’t have a reason to be jealous whenever you spend time around other prey guys,” he smiled again “Besides I get to touch kiss and worship your muscles and they don’t get to do all that and don’t worry about me flirting with preds, I’m all yourst”

Cecil gently bit on Blake’s ear “Mmmm all mine”

“Oh yes, you were going to be getting your rewards for being my hero” said Blake grinning “Well first things first I and you have to get out of these clothes”

Quickly they began throwing off their clothes it didn’t take much for Cecil to get down to his underwear but for Blake it took a bit longer and thus he gave Cecil a bit of a show as he stripped off his top and moved to his high heeled boots.

“I gotta say” said Cecil as Blake deliberately turned round to show his ass to him “Those boots make your ass look fantastic”

“You really are a gem” said Blake

“You danced fantastically in them” said Cecil grinning

“Thank you” Said Blake “Though would you believe it, I nearly fell over multiple times when I first put them on!”

“I am not surprised” said Cecil “Though knowing how clumsy I am I would have fallen over even more”.

Blake fell atop of Cecil (deliberately this time) running his hands all over Cecil’s massive body. “You are so hot” he said massaging Cecil’s pecs and his Biceps

“It’s all for you to admire” groaned Cecil as Blakes hands gripped his thighs and quickly kissed his way down his torso

Cecil for his part also felt up his meal who was groaning at the feeling of his hands everywhere on his frame and eventually they broke appart.

“You are still sure you want to do this tonight?” asked Cecil

“As long as I get let out yes” said Blake kissing him

“Good” and then Blake became engulfed by his massive boyfriend whose Jaws opened wide to swallow his Boyfriends slender form down his gullet and into his stomach, a safe spot to spend the night.

“OUUUUUURRRRRRRRP” Belched Cecil feeling the meal he had consumed settling into his gut

His distended belly left him beached on the bed, but it wasn’t like his other meals and another massive “UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRP” erupted from him. As with every time he ate Blake, it was a different feeling of being stretched out, this time it was a glutenous sated fullness. Blake curled in his bed for the night and Yawned

“Good night”

“Good-UUURRRRRP -night” belched Cecil rubbing his distended gut with both hands “You always fill me OURRRRRRRRRRRRPP - out so URRRRRRRRRRRRRP” well

His massive gut was gently massaging it’s guest for the night, not in the way in which it might normally have done for any of his other meals that were being sent on a one way trip, but rather gently and carefully. Blake was willing Prey, but more importantly, Cecil adored him and his body knew to be gentle and caring with this Prey in particular.

Cecil Lay back letting Sleep overtake him “Sleep URRRRRRRRRRP well my favourite meal” he said to his stomach. “OUURRRRRRRRRP, let my BOOOOOOOOOOOURRRRRRRRRRRP belly take goood URRRRRRRRP” care of you

“I love you Cecil” murmured Blake Quietly pressing a hand to the stomach wall

“I love you too Blake” said Cecil hiccupping and burping slightly.

Epilogue.

After rising in the morning and regurgitating Blake. Cecil and Blake went to Elsie to see if there was anything they could do to help her tidy up.

“You are very kind, but you need not worry” said Elsie “I’ve got everything under Control”

“I feel kind of bad, though said Cecil, like I’ve taken advantage of your hospitality”

“Good Gracious no, Blake provided the entertainment last night, and he wouldn’t have done that without you, and you helped rid the house of some very annoying house guests - so you absolutely are fine”

“Well I should probably go and thank the Great Griselda she was a very interesting lady and I wanted to talk to her again”

“The great Griselda?” asked Elsie confused

“Yes she did fortune telling last night” said Cecil “She had a Crystal ball and all”

“The only person who told fortunes last night was my Cousin Effie” said Elsie

“But she was there” said Cecil pointing to where her booth was to find no booth or even someone taking down a booth, but merely some glitter on the floor and a note written on blue paper he read it.

Many thanks for an interesting conversation, you have something special with your boyfriend. Treat him well and good things will come to you. You’re a lovely young man with a good kind heart so I know it won’t be hard, oh and say to Elsie thank you for the space to perform again and remind her to visit her aunty in Much Benning

The Great Griselda.

“How mysterious” said Blake

“I suppose we all have a fairy godmother” Said Elsie Dreamily

“A fairy godmother - she was a fortune teller”

“Yes but I mean someone who looks out for us” said Elsie “It’s a nice thought isn’t it”

“I hope to meet her again and I can introduce Blake to her” said Cecil

“Perhaps you will have to wait until next Halloween” said Elsie smiling

“Or it could be sooner than you think” said Blake smiling up at his boyfriend

“Who knows” Murmured Griselda to herself as she watched the two men hug their friend and her boyfriend before heading off “One things for sure, that’s a couple that’s staying together, I don’t need my crystal ball to tell me that!” she laughed and then vanished in a puff of smoke.

I wish you a spooky happy Halloween may all your nights escapades go off safely and fun-ly and I will see you with another tale at some point in the future xxx

[exo-raskreia]

what do you have to say about when ichigo was fighting grimmjow and was getting beaten up but he won bc of orihime pleas and cries? im not saying ichiruki is bad bc it is true you could say they have more time together (and emotions, feelings) but i think you can't deny either that ichigo won against grimmjow bc of orihime that time

Uh, what? You mean when she was scared of him & little Nel had to give her a push to cheer him on? 😒

Meanwhile, Rukia was never scared of him, never doubted him, & would've given him an encouraging speech right before he even started 😌.

I considered not answering this ask cuz it just sounds so... dumb.

But, I guess I can entertain this a bit...

Yeah, Ori contributed so much that Ichigo forgot to thank her, but he did thank little Nel.

Also, notice how he gave Nel AND Ori the same look 🫢

🤣

He's given the same look to his sisters too. Meanwhile, the way he looked at Rukia was so vastly different... 😩 Check out this post for example.

The funniest part is that the reason Ichigo fought Grimmjow in HM (and one of his main motivations to even go there—Ori getting kidnapped was the excuse he needed) was because he had a personal vendetta against him for hurting Rukia. But, Ichigo was in denial & claimed he only came to save Inoue until Grimmjow called him out on it.

It's basically like:

Whoa, what? 👀

You're onto something...

Hmm...

Ah, so it's true! 👀

This screenshot with the bonus databook info from this amazing post, though 👀:

I also think it's funny how he asked her to heal him before the fight. He didn't face her directly & basically came off as: "Just heal me already." 🤭

Ori simply did the bare minimum in cheering for a friend risking their life. Anyone else in her place doing the same would have given some encouragement to Ichigo (I remember being so annoyed at her for fearing him while he was fighting the enemy. When she finally snapped out of it, I was like, "About time." 🙄).

(Btw, there is an interesting interpretation of Ichigo's reaction to Ori's words here. What she said may not have been the words Ichigo needed nor wanted to hear...)

You might think after this, Ori would have finally started to develop; if Kub0 had wanted, IH could have started to get somewhere... but what happened later at the dome & then the Fullbring arc told us otherwise (what happened at the dome should've solidified for everyone that IH do NOT work together & bring out the WORST in each other 🤷‍♀️). Ori did not learn a single thing... she even got worse in TYBW...

(This post pokes fun at this part 🤪)

You think this is what Ichigo needed to hear at such a crucial moment?! Rukia would've never said such a thing! 😤

There's an interesting IR post here about Ichigo's potential love language being Words of Affirmation. And Rukia was the perfect person to fill his little love tank; her words always meant so much to him 💞.

Also, canonically, Ichigo spent more time around Ori's vicinity than Rukia's, & yet they couldn't develop any special bond. Ichigo spent 17 months without Rukia, but him & Ori still. didn't. get. anywhere. Ori had no development from her experience in HM & was still pathetically simping over Ichigo while he was none the wiser (and couldn't care less) 🙄.

Anyway, even if Ori had contributed greatly to the Grimmjow fight, wasn't it nice of her to help Ichigo avenge another girl? 😊

[matthewtkachuk]

one day all my love will come back to me

Spending a mid-degree gap year in the guest bedroom of your best friend who you’ve been in love with for ages seems to be a recipe for disaster until a hook up with a player from a visiting team threatens to change your future forever 

pairing: nathan mackinnon x reader; brayden point x reader

warnings: creative liberties taken with the 2021-2022 regular season schedule and the availability/contributions of Brayden Point during the 2022 playoffs, typical angst associated with a love triangle with a hint of unrequited love, sexual themes (not quite smut but more than implied) and the usual (alcohol, swearing, etc.)

word count: 10.9k

a/n: surprise @senditcolton i'm your summer exchange fic writer! i'm so so so sooooo sorry this is late, @wyattjohnston and i were having a hot girl european summer and it's not an excuse but a bit of an explanation. when i saw you had written brayden point twice in your players list, i knew it was time to dust off this fic idea i had last year and do her proper justice. i hope you like it!!! shout out to demi for the many "replace c with C" suggestions on google docs and @thomasschabot for the other suggestions. ok i'll shut up now, enjoy!!

The Avs are up by one with thirty seconds to go and you’re pretty sure you’re going to puke. It’s a good thing everyone is far too focused on the action going on at ice level to question why your gaze keeps bouncing between the good guys and a certain forward on the other team. It’s such a strange feeling—you want with your entire being for your boys to hoist the Cup, but there’s a small part of you that never wants to see the boy on the other team you care for so deeply, so upset. He was right, you both crossed the line past hooking up a long time ago. 

-

“You look hot.” 

In any other circumstance, those words from Nate would have your heart going into overdrive. As it stands, your heart is already pumping at a rate you fear is not healthy while you lie on a trampoline with your niece’s sprinkler set up beneath it. For every bitter complaint you’ve ever had about a Canadian winter, the opposing heat waves might just be slightly worse.

“A/C’s broken,” you say like that explains everything. 

Nate hums in response like maybe it does before pulling himself up beside you. 

Somehow the air around you feels even hotter, precipitation building at your hairline. You fuss for a minute, wiping away the sweat before dramatically slapping your hands down on the trampoline in protest. 

Nate ignores you, choosing to instead cheerfully proclaim “This is nice!”

“What do you want?” you ask in response. There are layers to your grumpiness, but for now you can pretend it’s all related to the unbearable heat.

“Can’t a guy visit his best friend?” 

You can feel his eyes on you, but you keep yours closed. “Not when it's 34 degrees out and humid as hell and he has to leave his air conditioned mansion to do so.”

“I saw your story and I was coming to invite you to my air conditioned mansion.”

“Is Sidney home?” Your tone is so much more nonchalant than you feel. It doesn’t matter that the aforementioned man went from Nate’s childhood hero to mentor to near-brother; it will never not be weird to have but one degree of separation from the man who’s name is on your town’s welcome sign. 

Nate laughs like he can read your mind, but you still don’t glance over at him. You don’t need to, not really. The image of him beside you comes all too easily to your inner mind. His hair’s got a wave from the humidity, his nose tinged red from the hot sun, and his chest golden and chiseled and harlequin romance novel cover-esque— 

“You know one day you’re going to have to get used to being around guys who made it to the show. Hell, I'm a guy who made it to the show.”

Finally you turn to look at him and he’s somehow even more beautiful than you’d just imagined. “That’s different Nate. You’re….you.”

He smiles at you and it’s brighter than the damn sun causing you so many problems today. “And Sid’s just Sid. And the guys in Denver are just the guys in Denver.”

His words have your nose scrunching and you promptly go back to laying flat on your back. “Don’t remind me.” There’s silence for a beat or two and then you continue, “Speaking of, are you sure it’s still okay—“

Nate doesn’t let you finish this time. “Yes, I’m sure it’s okay for you to hang around my apartment in Denver while you take a year off from school to figure out what you want to do.”

“Thanks Nate,” you reply and he hums in response. Abruptly you sit up, sliding a little from the slick trampoline surface. “Your A/C offer still standing too?”

He grins this time and you’re damn near blinded. “For you? Always.”

Sidney—Sid waves at you both from his kitchen when you pull up to Nate’s but that’s as far as it goes. Nate makes a joke about banana bread that you don’t quite get, mood souring considerably when you wonder aloud if he thinks Sidney will bring some over. 

It’s all forgotten when the cold air hits you as you enter the lake house. 

-

The summer passes by quickly without too much incident—just the nagging of your mother about your future and your own tiptoeing around the feelings you have for your friend. 

On one of your and Nate’s last nights before leaving for Denver, your niece pulls him aside and sternly instructs him to bring home the Cup for her. 

He laughs, but there’s something in his eye that says he means it when he says he will. That intensity doesn’t waiver, even as his gaze slides toward you. It has you thinking about a future by his side, celebrating those moments with him in a way so much greater than you do now. 

The thought doesn’t leave you as you kiss your family goodbye, trying desperately to not let any tears shed at the thought of no longer being a small distance away. Nate’s constant near proximity and the promise of more of it takes away the sting a little, but you fall into your sister’s embrace that little bit more all the same. 

Even as you do a final check of your things—two large suitcases, a carry-on and a backpack to house everything you’ll need for the next year—you think about it, of what it would be like to do this every year. What it would be like to pack with the intention of unpacking your things beside Nate’s in his closet. It’s silly, but sometimes you still feel like you’re fifteen years old, realizing you’re in love with your best friend as he goes away to the same hockey school as his idol. 

Two flights full of self doubt and Nate sleeping on your shoulder later you’re convinced spending your impromptu gap year at his place is a bad idea. But then he’s smiling and ‘welcome home’-ing you and you step through the door.

-

Unemployment and a mid-twenties life crisis isn’t so bad from the guest bedroom of a lavish semi-detached in the suburbs of Denver. The bed’s softer than the one in your childhood bedroom. Bigger too. And the closet leading into the attached en-suite has no business being the size it is. 

There are downsides of course. You are still unemployed and in the middle of a life crisis. Nathan is woefully unaware of your feelings and likely to never reciprocate. His teammates look at you like they know, though. And there’s the whole banning of any food that brings any modicum of enjoyment that you’re not entirely sure is serious or not. 

The teammates that come around are kind to you when you’re around them enough to let them be. A small part of it is the intimidation of them being professional hockey players but they’re good guys and you’ve met many of them before. Really, it’s something more akin to the inherent uncomfortability of your predicament. It’s Nate’s house and you’re free-loading. 

Of course he would argue differently if you voiced your thoughts and hang ups but that’s precisely why you don’t. 

Nate may have never caught onto your feelings for him, but he’s not an oblivious person. That’s probably how you end up in the family box, being personally invited to brunch with the Better Halves by the best-half-in-charge herself, Mel Landeskog. 

You find yourself nodding despite the anxiety of the possibility of making new friends, certain it’s less of an invitation and more of a demand. 

She tells you as much, pressing a mimosa into your hand when you arrive at a cute restaurant and a table full of beautiful, predominantly blonde women. If Nate’s teammates were intimidating on a personal level, their wives and girlfriends are a whole other level. Never in your life have you been so surrounded by a group of women so put together—every outfit perfectly on point, every head of hair treated to an expensive blowout, every foundation shade perfectly matched or worse, no makeup needed. 

It has you self-conscious, despite having spent ages picking out something to wear and trying to tame your hair into something presentable. The mimosa helps, and so do the compliments from Ashley Kadri. Little by little you open up, and by the end of brunch you have a killer buzz and a dozen new instagram followers and numbers in your phone. 

When Nate picks you up, the bubbles have gone to your head. You spend the entire ride back to his place with the back of your head pressed to the passenger side window so that you can grin stupidly at his side profile. 

“The girls are great,” you tell him with a silly giggle. His returning smile reeks of satisfaction of a job well done, but you don’t focus on it. “We’re gonna get dinner this week too!”

-

Although Mel takes you under her wing, it’s Heidy, Cale’s girlfriend who you instantly click with. 

She’s every bit as beautiful and kind as the rest of them, but you connect with her on a different level. It’s almost like you’ve known her as long as you’ve known Nate. She shares your love of Taylor Swift and gets your jokes and is more than happy to let you bounce future career plans off her. 

You can tell the girls have questions about your relationship with Nate, and truthfully they can get in line behind you. Sometimes, when you’re not careful, it almost feels like you’re not alone in how you feel. Sometimes it feels like you’re high school sweethearts, playing house on the precipice of a greater future. 

Nate doesn’t help it himself though. It’s you he calls on long road trips, you he pulls into a giant hug outside the locker room before driving you both home after a game. You who is invited to WAG functions as a connection to him—both informally in a social context and more formally and broadly. Things like charity toy drives and the family box at games. A part of you fears the possibility of playoffs—especially with odds so clearly in the Avs favor—and what it would mean to be so publicly claimed as Nate’s while privately remaining the way you always have been. 

It’s Heidy who you confide in. She’s always there to offer her ear, her shoulder, her opinion. And, although she encourages you to share your feelings, she also knows when to back off and let you do it when and if you’re ready. 

You don’t think you’ll ever be ready. 

-

With Christmas comes the Better Halves Christmas Tree Auction. It’s Mel’s favorite charity event of the season, she tells you gleefully. 

“Every event is her favorite,” Suzanna says behind her back later. 

Designated Favorite Human of the Avalanche Children is usually your favorite title, but it means you have one kid hanging off of you when the girls drop the bomb on you. 

“So what are you thinking for your WAG tree?”

It’s an innocent enough question, especially when you think it’s aimed at one of the aforementioned WAGs in the family box. Only when there is no response do you look up and realize it’s meant for you instead. 

“Sorry, what?”

“Your…Tree,” someone says slowly and you shake your head. 

Your tone and words are almost as flustered as you are. “No I heard you. I’m just—What do you—Why are you asking me?”

“Well, Nate said…” 

It all comes clear. Yet again, you’re expected to play the part. At great personal cost, mind you. It’s a mindfuck and a half, having to do all the things that you do for a man you love when it doesn’t mean anything. 

Your thoughts are invaded with a tempestuous mixture of Nate and your relationship or lack thereof and yet another public acknowledgement. 

Truly, you wonder if the others in the box pity you or laugh behind your back. 

“C’mon,” Heidy says later, when the final buzzer sounds, cementing another win. “I’ll drive you home.”

“Nate’s,” you correct weakly. 

She nods and repeats his name, grabbing your arm and leading you away. 

-

You’re stewing in silence when Nate comes home. 

“You okay?” he questions upon finding you in the living room, lit up only by the light filtering in through the large bay window. 

The twitch of your eye is the only indication you’ve heard and recognized his words for a long moment. You can practically hear the gears whirring in his head, can feel the moment he’s about to speak again. 

Not wanting to give him the opportunity, you ask, “Why?” His brows furrow and his head tits and so you continue. “Why did you say I would do your Better Half tree?”

“It’s for charity…You love charity work.” Nate visibly relaxes and you understand why. He’s not wrong, engaging in charity work has been a big part of why you’re not wallowing in self pity, but this isn’t just simple ‘charity work’ and you tell him as much. 

“I love toy drives and helping at the soup kitchen and adoption events at the ASPCA. This is different, this is your WAG tree. It means something. It’s in your name, like I’m—I’m—“ you can’t bring yourself to say it. 

“Everything you mentioned you do in my name.” He doesn’t seem to get it, frustrating you further. 

“It’s not the same, Nate! All those other things I do as part of the larger group. It’s all facilitated by your team and your teammates ‘Better Halves.’ Their wives and girlfriends. They’ve all made me feel welcome, but I'm not one of them. This implies that I am one of them, but I’m not your girlfriend and certainly not your wife.”

“You basically are.” The phrase has your heart jumping into your throat. Of every daydream or fantasy you’ve ever allowed yourself to slip into, you never dreamed this would be how it all went down—“Without actually being my wife or girlfriend.”

“Right.” Your voice is short and clipped, masking the hurt quickly overtaking you. You won’t cry—you’re stronger than that. So strong in fact, that you lay down a firm boundary. “I won’t do it. Get Sidney to do it or something.”

“Okay,” he says slowly, pausing and then asking, “We’re good, right?”

“Yep.” You feign nonchalance and then wish him a good night. 

The pillow holds all your tears and secrets. 

-

The incident sticks with you, despite your many attempts to shake it off. Even Heidy can’t help. She tries anyway. 

You’re not his. 

But you are. You’re his and you have been for years now. Since he was leaving for school. Maybe even many years before that. Regardless of the true beginning, it doesn’t quite matter. What really matters is this: you’re not sure it will ever have an ending, but you’re almost certain if it does, it won’t be the one you want. 

You’re his but he’s not yours. 

Part of him is, sure, but you share that part with the other residents of Cole Harbour. The other part with the team and his teammates and their families, with the fans and the haters alike. The part you so desperately want to be yours has belonged to many a woman, but never to you. 

It was a lot easier to live in the space between his childhood best friend and everything more when you were separated the majority of the year. A summer chock full of other things to do and focus your attention on to keep the longing at bay and enough distance for the rest of the year to forget how it feels to have him near without really having him. 

One of Heidy’s distraction schemes involves hitting up downtown Denver a few nights later. 

“But it’s Thursday,” you say when she shows up at Nate’s dressed up like she’s ready to hit the bar. 

“I have tomorrow off and you don’t have a job, so,” she replies. 

You frown, “Ouch.” She throws a look your way as if to not take it so personally and continues perusing your closet. “I’m not really feeling up to going out tonight.”

“Too damn bad,” she replies. “You can’t just sit here and wallow for the rest of your life.”

“Watch me,” you retort but start to get up anyway. 

She smirks and tosses some clothes at you. “Get dressed and do something with your hair. I’ll do your makeup.”

“Where are you guys going all dressed up?” Nate questions when he spots the two of you in the foyer. 

“Out.” Heidy is curt, a consequence of her not only being a good friend to you, but also her own awareness of his behavior. 

His brows knit together but he soldiers on, “Do you want company?”

“Nope!” She’s much more cheerful now that she’s handed you your coat and bundled herself up. “Don’t wait up!”

Heidy drags you out to Cale’s car, where the man himself sits waiting. You instantly feel bad—between your protesting and actual time spent getting ready, he’d been sitting a while. 

“Have you been here the whole time?” you ask as you get in the backseat. He shrugs with a rosy smile as Heidy pushes you in further and takes a seat beside you. After pressing a quick kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek over the center console, of course. 

Cale doesn’t stick around after dropping you both off—a wave, a ‘be safe’, and ‘call me when you’re ready to go home’ and he’s gone. 

You’re terrible company admittedly, mouth set in a deep frown that doesn’t crack even as you sip your drink. Heidy does most of the talking at first, blabbing away about everything and nothing. Until she sighs, slaps her hand down on the bar top and says, “You need to deal with this. Either you need to resolve things with Nate or you need to get over it, distract yourself with something or someone else.”

You nearly choke on the last of your drink. “Gee, Heidy, could you be any more subtle?”

“I’m worried about you.” She’s so earnest it tugs at your heart. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll try. Really.” 

She smiles, relaxing into the seat at the bar top. 

Just then, the bartender sets another drink in front of you. 

“I didn’t order another,” you state politely, attempting to hand back the drink. 

The bartender shakes his head, motioning to the table in the corner as he speaks. “From someone at that table.”

It’s a group of athletic men, but only one is looking your way. He’s all intense eyes framed by intense eyebrows, but the look on his face doesn’t match the intensity. It’s…intriguing to say the least. Soft but confident, and definitely interested. 

It’s not until one of the other men at the table elbows him that you realize they’re the team playing the Avs tomorrow night. 

Quickly you spin back around and whisper to your friend, “Someone from the Tampa Bay Lightning just bought me a drink.”

Her eyes widen and she herself turns around quickly to get a glimpse of your admirer across the bar. You grab at her arm and bring her back to face the bar top. 

“Heidy!” you hiss. 

“Sorry!” she replies, “What are you going to do?”

You think about it for a second before throwing caution to the wind. Putting on your flirtiest smile, you turn around a lot more gracefully this time. Raising the gifted drink, you tilt it in a ‘Cheers’ motion before wrapping your lips around the straw for a sip. He responds with an identical gesture, although with an amber colored beer bottle instead. 

Satisfied, you resume your earlier position while Heidy speaks. 

“When I said you needed a distraction that is not what I meant!”

You roll your eyes. “It’s a drink, not a marriage proposal. Relax.”

She does, until you pull her out to the dance floor with eyes only for the man across the bar. Lucky for you—and less lucky for Heidy’s resting heart rate and blood pressure—he’s got eyes for you, too. 

It only takes half a song for him to approach and introduce himself. “I’m Brayden.”

You smile and reciprocate, waiting a beat for Heidy to speak too, but she just tilts her nose up. An elbow to her side doesn’t get her speaking and so you introduce her, too. 

One of Brayden’s eyebrows raise and you find yourself momentarily mesmerized by the action before quickly explaining, “Big Avalanche fans.”

He nods slowly once, then shrugs. “Maybe I can change that.”

“Doubtful,” she says under her breath, but if you heard it, you imagine Brayden did too. 

She doesn’t thaw any, even as the song changes. Nor does she get the hint to take herself elsewhere and so you rather pointedly ask if she can go get you both another round. 

Heidy isn’t even able to get out whatever she was ready to grumble before Brayden is offering, pausing to ask what Heidy is drinking. She begrudgingly tells him and he disappears. 

“Seriously? You could have any guy here and that’s who you go for?” she asks. 

You shrug, “He’s the one I want.”

She softens at your earnest tone. “Okay.”

“Call Cale,” you tell her. “Go curl up on the couch and watch TV together or whatever you would have done if you weren’t worrying about me.”

“I don’t know…”

“Go. I’ll be fine. And I’ll text you if I need you,” you confirm. 

She sighs. “I’m waiting for my drink first.”

You laugh and pull her into a side hug. “Love you.”

True to her word, she finishes the drink Brayden brings her—even managing a ‘thank you!’—before slipping off into the crowd and, you imagine, into her boyfriend’s car. 

Brayden looks a little concerned at her rapid exit. “Did I do something to make her leave?” 

“Besides playing for the wrong team? Nah.” 

He doesn’t look convinced, but the concern fades when you wrap your arms around his neck. 

It’s all but gone when you press your lips to his. 

You dance for another few songs and another drink before your inhibitions are just low enough to drag him in the direction of the bathrooms. 

The men’s is empty when you enter, and so you flip the lock on the door and press yourself against him. 

He reciprocates, crowding you against the door with his mouth hot on yours. 

Your whole body lights up at his touch, coming alive beneath his fingertips. There are no thoughts of Nate or the predicament you’ve found yourself in, just Brayden. 

His hands are curved around your jaw, and your leg is wrapped around his waist when he pulls away. “Wait...wait.”

“You don’t want…?” You’re not drunk, just a little bit more sensitive to rejection than you usually would be. 

“No that’s—That’s not it at all. I want you, like, really want you.” He kisses you, and as good as his touch feels, being wanted feels that extra bit more. “Not like this. Not here.”

Truthfully, you’ve never been the kind of girl who lets someone hit and quit in a bar bathroom before. Or anywhere really. A part of you that you thought was long buried stirs inside of you and you realize for the first time in a long time you’re feeling something for a man who isn’t your best friend. 

Your best friend. Shit. “I have a kind of odd living situation right now, my place isn’t an option.”

“Your parents?”

You bark out a laugh that he immediately covers with his mouth. “No, they’re back in Canada.”

“Your husband? Your boyfriend?” He’s joking, but you can’t help but get the sense there’s an ounce of worry that he’s right. It’s such an inconceivable notion that Nate could ever be either to you that you laugh again. 

“No, I just live with a friend who probably won’t be understanding about a strange man in their house.” 

Brayden visibly relaxes, pauses, and then says, “I have a hotel room…you’ll have to be quiet though.”

“I can be quiet,” you reply, barely hiding your smirk. 

You try your best, really give it your best effort, but no one has ever touched you like he does. 

Nate doesn’t cross your mind once. 

-

You sneak out early in the morning, determined to not have a semi-public walk of shame in front of an entire hockey team. It’s almost a success until you run into his captain in the lobby. Feeling your face grow hot, you give him a little nod and escape to the waiting Uber. You can only hope he doesn’t get too much shit, telling him as much using the newest number in your phone. 

You’re not nearly as lucky, facing the firing squad that is Nate as you slip into the entryway. It shouldn’t be a surprise to see your best friend awaiting your arrival, if the several messages that popped up when you’d finally opened your phone to send the aforementioned text to Brayden were any indication. 

“Where have you been?” he asks and you have to keep from rolling your eyes. 

“Out,” you say, calling back to Heidy’s response last night but he doesn’t accept it as easily coming from you. 

“All night?” he continues the interrogation. 

“I crashed at Heidy’s last night, what’s with the fifth degree, Dad?”

He looks like he was waiting for this moment as he replies, “No you didn’t, I talked to Cale.”

This time you do roll your eyes. “It’s none of your business, Nate.”

“It is my business if you’re under my roof,” he says, doing his best impression of your father for real this time. 

You know it’s not his intention, but your stomach drops all the same. The old feeling of guilt and shame and failure floods your veins, and you can tell he notices. 

“I’m sorry,” he offers, “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just worried and you didn’t answer my messages.”

“I know,” you say but the words taste bitter in your mouth. “I’m going to go get some more sleep. See you later.”

He repeats the words back at you, but you’re more focused on the buzzing phone in your pocket. 

Safe in Nate’s guest bedroom, you slip into something more comfortable, get beneath the covers and open your messages. 

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Got fined

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Probably going to get chirped for a month

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Worth it though 

You: I would tell you I’m sorry but I’m not 

Bar Guy 💙🤍: Me either

-

If you thought that was the beginning and the end of Brayden you would be sorely mistaken. 

Long distance flirting becomes a long distance hook up becomes him flying you out to see him. Any time you protested the latter, you’d find a non-refundable ticket in your email and a ‘please’ in your text messages. 

Fall fades into Winter and Bar Guy 💙🤍 turns to Brayden turns to B 💙. As your feelings for him grow, you find thoughts of Nate as anything other than someone-you-grew-up-with fade. 

You come clean about the ‘friend you live with’ being Nathan MacKinnon before the first time you fly down to see him, worried that your lie by omission might be a dealbreaker. Brayden only laughs, he figured Heidy’s hostility was more than just motivated by more than sports team loyalty. 

The thing about Brayden is he never makes you feel bad about Nate. He is understanding and gracious, never demanding, never unreasonable. A small part of you sometimes thinks about how if the roles were reversed, you don’t think Nate would be quite the same. 

Initially unsupportive and apprehensive, Heidy comes around, although her persistence turns from telling Nate how you feel to telling Nate about Brayden. You don’t do either, and she keeps your secrets. 

Nate being selected for the All Star Game in Vegas while Brayden isn’t brings a unique opportunity for a week straight in hot, sunny Florida. The chill of Denver isn’t quite as biting as back home, but you’re excited to escape it all the same. 

He doesn’t ask you to join him in Vegas, but you do wonder if he thought he didn’t need to. 

It doesn’t matter either way, when an errant high stick in overtime breaks his nose and dashes his All Star dreams. 

Your first thought upon seeing him bloody and disoriented on the ice is that there is no way you can go to Florida. 

It probably looks much worse than it is, the girls try to reassure you in the box, but you’re not convinced. 

Nate’s reassurances later don’t do much either. Not with his face puffy and bruised and some dried blood on his chin. 

It’s not until he assures you that his mom and sister will be coming down to Denver since they had the time off anyway that you decide for sure you will go. 

The day you leave for the airport, his pathetic form on the couch is almost enough to have you last minute cancelling on Brayden. 

Nate all but demands you don’t miss out on his account, asking that you ‘be safe’ and ‘have fun’. 

In return you hit him with a ‘thanks Dad’ and ‘take it easy’ despite knowing just by virtue of who he is as a person he will be doing the exact opposite.  

Thoughts of Nate, broken and bruised, haunt you the entire journey. They don’t fade until you’re in Brayden’s arms. Even then, it’s a dull ache that you do your best to ignore. 

Evidently you don’t do a very good job of hiding it, or maybe Brayden just knows you better than you think, because he catches on before you’ve even reached his place. 

“You okay?” he asks, gently squeezing your knee where his hand rests. 

Turning to look at his side profile, so earnest and sweet, you don’t even think of lying. 

“I’m worried about Nate.”

“I get that,” he says and you wonder if he truly does. “I’m glad you’re here with me though.”

Smiling at him, you are too, and so you try to push down the guilt and focus your attention on the man you’re with. 

You check on Nate periodically throughout the week, never getting much more than a thumbs up emoji, but at least you know he’s alive. 

Brayden wines and dines and, well, you know the rest of the rhyme. 

By the time the week is up, you don’t want to leave. It’s strange how meeting one person can change things so drastically. Before Brayden, you would never have dreamed of spending a week with another man when Nate was injured and possibly may have needed you. 

It also puts things into perspective for you. 

Really emphasizes how much additional emotional labor you put in—and were expected to—in your relationship with Nate. The lines and boundaries had long since blurred, and it took dedicating your time and energy to another man to see it. 

If Nate notices the way you pull back even further when you return, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

-

Falling for Brayden is easy. It’s a gentle float down to the ground, landing among a field of flowers to catch your fall. A stark contrast to the free fall of being pushed from an airplane at 10,000 feet by Nate. 

Where Nate’s sharp edges have cut you time and time and time again, Brayden’s curves wrap around you and hold you tight. 

When you’re not physically with him, you’re texting and calling, and when you’re not doing that you’re thinking about him. 

Neither of you make any move to define the relationship further, but it doesn’t sting like the years of being strung along by Nate did. It’s probably because while no words have been exchanged to that effect, Brayden lets you feel how much he cares for you. 

-

You’re nearly found out late in the regular season. 

Something about Tampa has started to feel familiar and safe—you try not to think about exactly why that is—and so, despite the knowledge that the boys are in town, too, you’re not as careful as you should be. 

There’s an ice cream spot near Brayden’s that you’ve taken to frequenting. As a consequence, it’s also near the arena. 

Because it’s so close, you decide to walk there, teasing him the whole way about how one ice cream cone won’t derail his nutrition plan. He’s arguing back, but you know it’s in vain because his sweet tooth and the lilt of your voice will win in the end. 

Your hands naturally brush as a result of your close proximity and you take the opportunity to link your pinkies. He smiles softly and you walk in silence for a minute until he breaks it. 

“You really won’t let me give you my jersey?” It’s a question that has come up before, but every time it does you wonder if it’s a little bit more serious of an ask than the last. 

“I’d rather die. Maybe if you were a better hockey player,” you tease, jumping back to avoid his grasp. 

He gasps playfully, thick eyebrows raising with his wide eyes. “Take that back right now.” He takes a step closer to you but you dodge his advances, sliding to the other side of the bench. 

“Sorry baby, you know I bleed blue and maroon. Wouldn’t be caught dead in traitor blue.” Not to mention you’d never ever hear the end of it from the boys if someone saw you in it. 

He fakes left and you fall for it, giggling madly as he wraps you up in his arms and scrapes his beard against your cheek. “What about just for me?” he asks, kissing your neck once and then nipping at it with his teeth before pulling back to look into your eyes. “In my bed with nothing else on?”

It’s like the already beautiful temperature rises even higher when he presses his mouth to yours. You give in quickly, pressing onto the tips of your toes to get even closer. It turns dirty quickly, his tongue in your mouth and his fingers buried deep in your hair. 

And then a familiar voice calls your name. 

You pull from Brayden like you’ve been burnt, a look of pure panic crossing your face as you realize you know the body attached to the voice. 

It’s JT and he looks like been standing there long enough to figure out what’s going on. 

“JT—“ you start to explain, but pause. There is no easy, simple explanation. There are months and months, hell years and years, of backstory and layers to even get to this point. 

“I thought—“ He appears to change his mind, stopping his thought mid sentence and switching to a question. “What’s going on here?”

“Brayden and I are, well, we’re.” It’s a struggle to explain what you are to one of Nate’s teammates when you haven’t had this conversation in full with the man beside you. Finally, you land on “We’re together.”

You don’t look over at Brayden to see his reaction. 

“How long?” is the natural follow up. 

It’s another tough question, but you decide to go with the first time you met and slept together. “Before Christmas.”

“Does Nate know?” he asks. The wild look in your eyes must give you away because he signs and says your name. “You have to tell him.”

You get that, really you do. But at the same time it’s your business what you do and who you do it with, not Nate’s. At the same time, you know it would be a really shit thing for him to find out through someone who isn’t you. 

Beyond that, you’re pretty sure right before playoffs isn’t the right time to have that conversation and you tell JT as much. “I know, I will. After the season I’ll tell everyone.”

JT looks less than convinced. 

“You know Nate, it wouldn’t do anyone any good while the season is still going on. Please, you can’t tell him.”

JT might be as aware as you are of who Nate is as a person, and he’s certainly more aware of who Nate is as a hockey player and so he agrees despite his clear hesitance. “Promise me, after the season.”

“I promise.”

When he’s gone, Brayden finally speaks up. “You want to go public with us?”

You worry you’ve said the wrong thing, starting to babble about how you’re sorry the conversation didn’t occur privately first, and how you don’t need to go public if it’s not something he wants to do when he silences you with a kiss. 

“I want to tell everyone,” he says earnestly and you kiss him again.  

JT thankfully keeps his word. 

-

Nate doesn’t watch any other team in the playoffs. 

It makes trying to catch Brayden’s games tough, sneaking out to sports bars, watching games on your phone in Nate’s guest room, even flying out to watch a couple home games during the run. 

The only supportive merch you sport is a necklace with his number, and on occasion a little blue and white lacy number under your clothes. You’re not offered a WAG jacket—whether that’s due to Brayden knowing well enough you don’t want to be that public or because your reaction to the style of jacket itself was less than positive. 

In the back of your mind you recognize there’s a chance it could come down to the teams of the boys you care for most; one Eastern Conference, one Western Conference. 

Selfishly, when the first round between the Bolts and the Leafs goes to seven, part of you hopes for it to end right there. Most of you is glad they push through. 

On Colorado’s side of the playoff bracket, they absolutely rip through everyone who stands in their way. 

You are offered a jacket with Nate’s name and number in glitter, but you turn it down in favor of a lucky baseball cap, though you do accept an unpersonalized crop from Madison. 

Some of the girls decide to travel for the away games. You have to turn them down because there are already tickets with your name on them to see Brayden. There’s no way you can—or would—miss any Avs home games, and so instead you end up being one of a handful of supporters in the likes of Toronto, Miami and New York. 

It’s a difficult balancing act as the playoffs progress in both teams’ favor. 

And then your worst nightmare comes true. The quest for the Cup comes down to your… whatever Brayden is to you and to Nate and the team you’ve supported since he was drafted and all the other people who have come to feel like family. 

Whispering to Brayden in the dark of night before the Finals begin, you tell him, “You know I support you, but…”

“It’s okay,” he whispers back, even though he has no reason to match your tone all alone in his home in Tampa. “I get it. As long as you still like me, you can like them a little bit more.”

You giggle, “It’s got nothing to do with liking you, you dolt.” 

“Bolt,” he corrects, and even though you can’t see him you know he’s smiling. 

“Oh my God, shut up.” You don’t mean it literally but he’s quiet for a second too long. “No matter what happens I’m proud of you.”

For two people who have never properly defined nor publicized their relationship, it might be too heavy of a moment, but his quiet thank you is laced with emotion. 

“Go to bed,” you say after another few beats of silence. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The first two games are in Colorado, and the boys take both at home. 

“Ain’t over til it’s over,” is both of your boys’ philosophy after the first two. 

Nate is positively buzzing, especially after so decisively winning the second, but still cautious—very aware of how quickly a 2-0 lead can turn into the end of the line and empty hands. 

Brayden is also cautious, and this isn’t his first or even second rodeo at the Cup final in as many years. You try to kiss it better in a random hallway in the bowels of Ball Arena. 

Finally accepting the Better Halves’ invitation to travel to road games, you have a good seat to Tampa taking back some momentum in game three before promptly handing it back to Colorado. 

You die and come back to life a dozen times in game four as Brayden and his team hold on. 

Game five is to be played back in Tampa, and you spend the night before the game in Brayden’s bed instead of the hotel Nate has paid for. “Good luck,” you whisper against his lips early in the morning before you leave to meet the girls for breakfast. 

“You don’t mean that,” he teases, stretching out in such a way that has you considering skipping breakfast—certain teasing and interrogation be damned. 

“Good luck to you,” you amend, kissing him once more. “Your team can rot.”

His laughter rings in your ears as you leave. 

Mel corners you after breakfast, a familiar offending piece of clothing in her hands. “This could be it,” she explains, offering you the jean jacket. 

If it were any year previous, you might have worn it. If you didn’t have Brayden, you might have worn it. If Nate had offered it to you himself alongside a confession, you might have worn it. 

None of these things are true, and so you decline. “I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

Her smile has a twinge of sadness and understanding as she replies, “Okay.”

-

Sitting alongside the girls in the box with your cropped sweater hiding the 21 necklace around your neck, you’ve never felt more torn. 

Brayden’s captain nets one early in the first, and you’re not sure you breathe again until Nate’s powerplay evens the score early in the second. There’s an undercurrent of excitement in the box alongside the nervous energy. Midway through the second, Arturri tips it in and Amalie Arena is silent. 

It stays like that for the rest of the period until you excuse yourself to grab a drink at intermission. Standing in the long drink line, you spot a little girl in a Point jersey and your stomach twists as you think about how no matter which way this ends, someone you care for will be hurt. 

That feeling doesn’t leave as you sit through a scoreless third period. The arena gets loud with Bolts fans throughout, celebrating every blocked shot and turnover. That intensity picks up in the dying seconds of the game as Brayden picks off the puck in the defensive zone. 

He rushes up the ice flanked by his linemates, but is momentarily stopped by Cale. 

He gets his stick back on the puck and your nails dig into the leather arm of the box seat. Suzanna grabs your hand, assuming it’s worry for her boyfriend and his teammates and you let her think that and hold your hand. 

Three seconds. 

Two seconds. 

He shoots right as the buzzer sounds and Darcy gloves it down like there was never a question of him stopping it. 

The entire box explodes in a chorus of cheers—there’s shouting, swearing, crying, laughter and you’re right in the middle of them all. Your boys are Stanley Cup Champions. 

Someone grabs you, and then someone else joins in and suddenly you’re in the middle of a dog pile. “They fucking did it!”

You’re so fucking excited, incredibly proud and honestly a little weepy about your favorite people finally getting their hands on their childhood dream. But, a bigger part of the organ in your chest than you want to admit aches for the downturn of Brayden’s head as he skates back to the bench. 

An attendant appears and wrangles the rowdy bunch down to the ice. You’ve got Linnea Landeskog in your arms and a giant grin on your face as your feet touch the ice.

“Down please,” she politely states while trying to wriggle out of your grasp. The second she’s down she’s running at her daddy who sweeps her up in his arms. 

And then Nate’s on you in a way that you used to long for when you were younger. He’s red and sweaty and out of breath but none of these things stop him from hauling you up into his arms and spinning you until you smack at his chest, demanding to be let down much like Linnea only minutes ago. 

He stops spinning but he doesn’t let go, staring up at you with a look he’s never given you before. You’re so caught up in the excitement of it all you barely notice, grabbing his cheeks and shouting in his face, “You fucking did it!”

“We fucking did,” he says like he can’t believe this moment is happening—whether that’s due to you in his arms or the Cup that will now bear his name no one can really say. He kind of looks like he’s about to do something stupid, leaning in ever so slightly, and so you finally succeed at leaving his arms, slipping slightly as you reach the ice once again. Brayden is watching from across the ice, a sad look on his face that you just want to kiss off. You don’t though, just pat Nate on the back once and continue moving, throwing yourself at Cale, then Burky, then Mikko.

It’s a blur of celebrations and photos with the Cup—you even let Linnea convince you to take a photo with her and the Cup, her mom remarking that it looks good on you. When you pull from your photo pose, you give her a questioning look. “A baby and a cup,” she smirks, blatantly looking over at Nate who seems to agree. 

You laugh nervously—last year that was all you wanted, the boys to win and Nate to want you in that way. Now? Now you can picture it still, you just picture it with someone else. 

Finally, you’re able to sneak away and Brayden has the same idea, telling you to meet him in a closet by the locker room. No words are exchanged as he pulls you in by your hips and kisses you like he needs it to breathe. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him and you mean it. 

A crinkle forms between his eyes. “No you’re not.”

You kiss him again once, “I’m not sorry the boys won tonight, but I am sorry it was against you.”

“There’s always next year.” It’s far more flippant than you had anticipated, really you thought you’d be dealing with an upset Brayden and that might have broken your heart. 

“I thought you’d be more upset.”

“Can’t win ‘em all,” he says and you give him a look to be serious. “So what, we didn’t win the Cup this season. I got you, didn’t I?”

“Fuck off, dont be stupid.” Your cheeks are hot and your eyes are wild. 

“I mean it. I’d take you over the Cup nine times out of ten.”

“What about the other one?” 

“Need to win another one for us to put our future babies in.”

“Awfully presumptuous for a hook up.” 

“This is so much more than a hook up.”

“Yeah,” you admit, sinking deeply into another kiss. 

“Besides,” he pauses, “Already got two rings.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Okay I gotta go. Will you come get me later?”

He looks at you like you’re stupid to ask, like he’d go into the pits of hell itself for you without hesitation. “Of course. Now go. Celebrate. I’ll see you later.”

You slip out first, making sure the coast is clear and go find the others. A Stanley Cup Champion hat is placed upon your head and a bottle of champagne in your hand. There’s a celebration in the visitor locker room and then the party moves to a local bar. 

Someone shells out the money for a few bottles of vintage Dom Perignon that you indulge in, but mostly you just relish in the happiness of everyone around you. If you’re honest, you spend a fair amount of time avoiding Nate who has a serious look every time you catch him staring. 

Shortly before midnight, you slip out of the bar and into Brayden’s waiting car. The bubbly must have gone to your head, because you forgo any verbal greeting in favor of launching yourself over the center console to press your lips to his. 

He pulls away and very somberly states, “I can’t take you seriously in that sweater.”

Looking down, you spot the Avalanche crop and laugh as you pull it off and toss it in the back. “Better?”

He hums, fingertip tracing the chain around your neck from your clavicle down between your breasts to reveal his number on the pendant. “Much.”

You sink back into another kiss before remembering where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing meanwhile the bar you just left is crawling with people you’re not quite ready to come clean to just yet. 

“Take me home, Bray,” you say as you relax back into the passenger seat. 

You don’t have the power to bring your lover the Stanley Cup your friends were just drinking out of. All you have to offer is yourself, but he accepts it with as much gratitude as your best friend accepted the Cup earlier. 

Later, he looks like he wants to ask you to stay, and you think you look like you want him to. 

In the end, it doesn’t matter as you fall asleep next to him and somehow make it back to your hotel room in the morning with no one the wiser. 

-

Nate spends a few more weeks in Denver after the win, celebrating with the guys and riding the high of winning it all. You only spend a couple days and then move out of his house and back into your parents. 

You don’t tell him about Brayden, content to let Nate enjoy his successes. 

As a consequence, you don’t see much of him in July or August. Even when you’re both home, he’s busy with all his other friends and his family, and you’re busy with your niece and deciding on what to do in the fall. You’ve determined the best course of action is to finish your degree and then apply to a masters program in order to change your career path. 

The choice, then, is where to do so. You can stay at home, commute an hour each way into the city—supported by your hometown friends and your family. Or you can make the shift to Denver for real, with your found family and with Nate. Or…

The University of Tampa Bay has an excellent program. You know from your time visiting Brayden through the season that the university is right around the corner from Amalie Arena and Brayden’s. It’s awfully presumptuous, but you find yourself daydreaming about the possibility much like you used to daydream about a future in Denver. 

Of course, there’s an entire continent of possibilities, hell an entire world of possibilities, but these are the three most attractive options. 

There are many discussions to be had, and choices to be made. You don’t want to do either until you’ve had a chance to speak to Brayden in person, but just as Nate’s had a busy summer, so too has he. 

He messages you every morning before and after working out while you’re still asleep. Every conversation eventually devolves into some combination of ‘I miss you’ and ‘when can I see you?’ 

You do manage to spend a few days with him in the Rockies mid-July that fly by far too quickly. Every time you leave Brayden it gets harder and the implications of it all have your stomach in knots when the thought crosses your mind. 

-

It all comes to a head spectacularly the day before Nate’s day with the Cup. You’re at Nate’s, helping to prepare for the post-parade celebration when you’re called away by his sister. She wants your help deciding on which photos to display—it’s a mixture of past and present alongside an elementary school assignment two decades old wherein Nate declared his future profession would be ‘Stanley Cup Champion.’

You’re smiling, lost in the memories when Nate comes crashing into the room you’re in. There’s an indiscernible look on his face, but it reads somewhere between anger, frustration and hurt. The look on your face betrays your confusion, and it only deepens when you see your phone in his hands. 

“What are you doing with my phone?” you ask. 

His jaw ticks. “Thought it was mine.”

It doesn’t really do anything for your confusion. If anything, it deepens it. “What’s your problem Nate?”

“This! This is my problem.” He finally cracks, shoving your phone in your face to reveal messages from Brayden—under the contact name of the letter B and a heart—wondering when you plan on making the trip to Calgary to see him. Your stomach drops and your heart feels like it’s at risk of falling right out your chest. It was always going to come out, but especially as you crossed the line between sharing body heat with Brayden and sharing your secrets, hopes and dreams. 

That being said, it is a shit way for your relationship to come to light for sure, but you can’t help but feel your friend is overreacting. Sarah is looking between the two of you, panicked and frozen like she doesn’t know what to do. 

“I think your mom could use some help in the backyard, Sar,” you say gently, and she gladly takes the opportunity to flee. Once she’s gone, you turn on Nate. “I’m sorry that you found out this way, but you had no right to come in here like that. Poor Sarah looked terrified!”

He looks at you incredulously. Now that his sister is out of ear shot, he appears to have allowed himself to lean into his emotions a little more. “I have no right? What about you? Hooking up with some random guy in Calgary? Is that where you’ve been running off to these past few months?”

You know that this is probably the least important part of his rant, but you feel the need to clarify. “He’s not just some guy, Nate. His name is Brayden. And for the record, no. I wasn’t in Calgary, I was in Tampa.

He looks confused in addition to enraged, and so you put the pieces together for him. “I’ve been seeing Brayden Point.”

“You’ve been sleeping with the enemy?”

“Are you joking?” 

This is not your friend Nate. This is some angry being inhabiting the body of your friend Nate. 

He doesn’t back down. “It was between us and them in the final, pretty sure that qualifies as the enemy!” He pauses for a second and then continues, “How long have you been sleeping with him? During the final? Were you rooting for him instead?”

“Nate—“

“No, don’t Nate me. I bet you were, I bet you wanted them to win, him to win. I bet you were sitting there in the family box, using tickets I paid for, against me the whole time.”

“That’s not fair!” you try to interject, despite the tiny grain of truth to his words. It would be untrue to say some small part of you wanted Brayden to succeed, but your loyalties have always been with Nate and his team. 

“Don’t bother. I wouldn’t trust a thing you said right now. Not after this. Not when you know.” 

“Know what?” you question. 

“How I feel! About you. And me.” The blurred edges start to come into focus. He’s been acting like a man scorned, because in his eyes he is one. 

Unable to form any coherent thought, you repeat yourself from earlier. “Are you joking?”

He’s less angry now, slipping further into the hurt brewing under the surface. “It’s always been us. Since we were kids. And now you’re messing around with some guy on another team. I can't believe you!”

The tears start to pool at your waterline, but you’re too stubborn to let them fall. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? You string me along for years and years and years, expecting me to play the part of your girlfriend without being your girlfriend and to wait around for you to figure it out. I am sorry you found out like this, but I’m not sorry about him. I’m not sorry about Brayden.”

He flinches at the sound of Brayden’s name, the anger clouding his eyes even further. “You want him so bad, why don’t you go to him right now?”

“Nate—“ You’re not sure he knows what he’s saying, what the implications of all he’s said really are. What it would mean if you left for Calgary this afternoon. What it would be like if you weren’t there tomorrow to join in his celebrations.

“Go.” When you don’t move he speaks again. “Get out of here.”

He hasn’t raised his fists or even his voice, but you do as he suggests. Calmly, begging the tears not to fall, you walk right out of his house and get in your car and you drive. 

Brayden picks up when you call while driving, and there’s a ticket in your inbox before you’ve even made it home. 

A short layover in Toronto—and with nothing but the clothes on your back and a small carry- on—later, you’re sinking into Brayden’s arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, but you shake your head where it’s buried in his chest. 

“Thank you,” you say, leaving hundreds of words unspoken in your gratitude. 

The kiss he pressed to your lips and the way he says ‘Anything for you’ tells you that he understands. 

He’s got his own place in an affluent suburb of the city, and you’re grateful for the fact that you won’t have to see anyone else with your puffy, bloodshot eyes. 

The last time you’d cried this hard, it had been over the loss of your childhood dog. Nate had been there then, flying in after a late game to hold you while you cried. Maybe you had misunderstood his feelings for you, missed the signs he thought he had laid out so clearly. Maybe that would have mattered a year ago. 

It doesn’t, now. 

Not when Brayden’s arms feel like home. His warm gaze feels like the sun. His kiss and his touch feel like heaven on earth. His love feels like everything you’ve ever wanted. 

Your world nearly stopped in Nate’s living room, but it resumed spinning here in Brayden’s bedroom. 

You’re curled up on his chest while he soothingly runs a hand along your spine when you tell him. “I love you.”

His hand stills on the middle of your back, but you don’t panic. Your mind and heart are clear and in unison. He doesn’t make you wait long, cupping the back of your head and tilting your head back ever so slightly so that your eyes meet. 

“Yeah?” he asks like maybe he needs the validation. 

“Yeah,” you reply, giving it to him. 

The grin on his face might be worth everything you’ve been through. 

You squeal as he flips the both of you, ending in a position where his arms bracket either side of your head in order to keep from crushing you with his full weight. 

“I love you,” he repeats, kissing every inch of your exposed skin. 

Tangling your fingertips in the hair at the nape of his neck, you say it again and again and again. It’s a chant and a ritual, told between sighs and moans and whimpers. He strips you of your clothes, taking you apart piece by piece and then putting them all back together. 

It is intimate and sweet as he takes you to the highest peak, hearts and limbs and minds all intertwined. There is no doubt, no insecurity, no hesitation. All of the love you have to give is reflected back at you. You and Brayden are two sides of the same coin, destiny and fate and all the good forces in the world have brought the two of you together. 

That’s why when, in the dark of his room later, you say yes when he asks you to move in. 

-

Despite the apparent suddenness, your family is more than supportive of you and Brayden. Though that may be because he charmed the pants off all of them the following week when returning to your childhood bedroom to pack your things. 

Your niece is delighted when she learns that Brayden’s “job is hockey!” as she so sweetly declares, requesting he win her a Cup too. 

It reminds you of Nate and how you haven’t heard from him. You don’t reach out either. 

Your time in Calgary is short, punctuated by the bittersweet news that although many of your credits will transfer over, you’re not able to start college classes at the University of Tampa until the second semester. 

“Now you can come with me on all my road games,” Brayden says when you tell him. 

“Fat chance.”

Training camp sneaks up on you both and before you know it, you’re making the permanent move into Brayden’s bedroom and his life, publicly this time. 

The Tampa WAGs are sweet and welcoming, but you find yourself missing the Colorado Better Halves. That’s probably why you agree to dinner with Heidy the first time in the season that the Avs are in town. 

You make plans to meet at a cute spot downtown near the arena. 

The minute you spot Nate waiting outside, you start to turn around. Not so much as an Instagram like since the day before his day with the Cup and now he’s at one of your favorite restaurants in Tampa like everything is okay?

“Wait,” he says and for some reason you do, pausing mid turn. “I’m sorry.”

That’s enough to have you turning back around to look him in the eye as you scold him. “Really? I haven’t heard a word from you in months and that’s what you have to say?”

“I know,” he says. 

“You were really shitty Nate! You knew how I felt and apparently felt the same way, but you just took advantage of me and my feelings for you for years! And then, you made me feel like trash for falling for someone else.”

“I know,” he says again. 

“Can you say literally anything other than I know?” you say exasperatedly. 

“I—“ he starts and stops with the look you give him. “I don’t have a good explanation for the first bit. You’re right, I’ve been taking you for granted for a long time. I don’t know, I guess I was just scared to lose you if we ever crossed that line.”

“I get that,” you reply. “Why do you think I never said anything either? I’m less mad about that and more mad about you being a giant asshole about me meeting someone.”

He nods. “I know. I was jealous and hurt and I lashed out and hurt you too. I never meant for it to get like this, but the longer it took for me to reach out and apologize the harder it seemed. I am really sorry, and I’m happy you found someone who treats you the way you deserve.”

It’s a sincere apology and one you’re certain he means. Beyond that, you just miss your best friend and so you throw yourself at him in a big hug. He’s startled, but very quickly wraps his arms around you too. 

“Things aren’t magically okay, you really hurt me, but you’re my best friend and I’ve missed you so much. There’s been a million times where something happened and I wanted to tell you about it, but couldn’t.”

“You’re my best friend,” he says. 

Nate scores a goal during the second period of the game but it’s not enough for the Avalanche. 

Brayden comes home the clear winner to find you curled up in his bed. First he undresses and then he slips into bed beside you. 

“Glad you made up with Nate,” he says, tucking his head into the crook of your neck and wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“Glad you won,” you reply, feeling the way his lips curve in a smile against your neck and knowing he’s about to say something stupid and cringe. 

“In more ways than one, baby,” he laughs, caging you in with his arm as you struggle to get away from him and his bad jokes. “In more ways than one.”

Despite the way you playfully try to escape his clutches, the truth is you feel like you’re the real winner. 

[wwandaslover]

New Romantics

previous chapter | next chapter

pairing: taylor swift x fem reader

warnings: angst with comfort

a/n: i’m sorry this chapter is kinda rushed, i’ve just been forgetting to add more chapters and i’ve been really busy lately. also it might be a while before the next chapter comes out because i’m working on some other stuff atm.

waking up next to taylor had become your regular routine, you two had been dating for months now and you were as happy as could be. you two rarely fought, and when you did, it quickly blew over.

you could feel yourself falling more and more in love with her but after the past 3 blissful months of dating, you began feeling a pit in your stomach every time you remembered you two were only together in secret.

anytime you and her were seen out in public you acted like friends because taylor was still not out of the closet, and it was weighing on you heavily. in the past month it had become pretty much all you could think about when you were with taylor, so of course you distanced yourself.

you began staying at your place more often than you’d go to taylor’s, you stopped having doing anything beyond a quick kiss, you didn’t contribute much to conversations, and you mostly just focused on reading and writing.

taylor had noticed your change in behavior instantly but she didn’t want to push you into talking about it out of fear you’d be upset at her.

neither you or taylor brought it up, until one night. you were over at taylor’s for the first time in two weeks, taylor was sitting on the couch in her living room while you were in her kitchen making popcorn for the two of you to share while you watched a movie.

taylor anxiously bit her bottom lip, wanting to break the silence that seemed to last evermore between the two of you. you finished making popcorn and sat down on the couch next to taylor who was fidgeting with her hands.

“what’s wrong taylor?”

your voice was tired and quiet but you still cared and she could tell but it just brought tears to her eyes faster and she buried her face in her hands as she let out a string of broken sobs. you quickly set the popcorn down and wrapped your arm around her, pressing soft kisses to her head.

taylor continued to cry, unable to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks. “taylor, please tell me what’s wrong.” you spoke softly and pleadingly. she hesitantly looked up at you, hot tears still rolling down her cheeks.

she hoarsely whispered to you “do you still love me?” you instantly felt your heart drop, you never thought about how your behavior would affect taylor. you hugged her tightly which she instantly returned and you repeatedly whispered “im so sorry” and “i love you” against the skin of her shoulder.

taylor sniffled and whispered back “it’s okay, baby. i love you too.” after what felt like forever, she pulled away from the hug. “why have you been so distant?” her voice was soft but showed she was very obviously, but reasonably, still upset.

you sighed defeatedly before speaking, “i dont like us being a secret.” she looked down for a moment before returning her gaze to your weary eyes.

“we don’t have to be a secret anymore, i just want to be with you. i dont care if people know.”

you stared at taylor in slight disbelief, you didn’t think it would be that simple. you felt completely stupid for not saying anything until then, and you frustratedly sighed while you began blaming yourself subconsciously.

taylor could tell what you were thinking, so she wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you onto her lap. she kept her arms around your waist while you straddled her, you wrapped your arms around her neck and also buried your face in her neck.

your overthinking slowly came to a halt as taylor gently rubbed your back and whispered sweet phrases to you. you pulled your face out of her neck and kissed her, you two held it for a few seconds before pulling away and smiling.

you and taylor spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching movies together.

the next day you and taylor went out together, you walked down the sidewalk holding hands and talking. multiple paparazzi photographers had spotted the two of you and took pictures of you together.

you and her went to starbucks and got some coffee, sharing a kiss after you had complimented taylor which had multiple photos taken of and then almost all of taylor’s fans were going crazy over it.

it wasn’t as bad as taylor thought it would be, especially since she was just happy she was dating you.

This is discontinued 👎

[yjzine2024]

Yellowjackets Zine - Applications Open!

You might have seen the poll going around for interest, and well, it convinced me enough to start this up. A zine for Yellowjackets! Yeah!

The plan is to make this a relatively small but hopefully exciting project to cross the current lack of things between seasons. Think you have a good idea? Submit it!

You can apply for the zine via this form

So far I'm thinking of keeping it at max 30 participants, but this mostly comes down to a first-come-first-serve basis. Fear not, I may include you if you have a really cool idea for a submission.

Guidelines for applying are copied below but will also be in the form.

Cheers!

What is a zine? "Zine" is short for magazine. What a Yellowjackets zine would entail is a small, digital booklet with artworks, writing, collages, lists, etc. related to the show that it's all connected to. There are zines that have a print run alongside digital versions, but to keep it all running smoothly, I'd like to keep this digital only. So I can't offer compensation in financial means. This is first and foremost a passion project, and also things would get tricky on a legal front if there were to be any money involved.

So if I want to contribute, it can be anything? Basicallly! But there are some hard rules I would like to be followed for it to stay coherent.

Canon Compliant. Writing or art, hard AUs aren't really something for this zine. It's a little celebration of the show that is there, and tonally there might be too much dissonance if AUs are included in this. Guesses at the yet to be seen months in the Wilderness, or in the present day are very much welcome!

Self-contained works. Putting chapter 1 of your fic in a zine isn't really ideal. For art this is easier to accomplish, but written submissions should be completed within the pages they are on.

Not just shipping. Yes, I know, shipping is big. But like I put in the first point, I would like to keep things more generally on events, plot, characters, and a neat discussion of it. There's of course degrees to how much you can ship within canon in a show like this. It's totally cool if you put something in that is (Basically) Canon (f.e. TaiVan but also JackieShauna) or Has Strong Potential (f.e. LottieLee, MistyNat). Don't come to me with something like Shauna/Walter. Explorations of characters and relationships are of course okay! But don't make it a smut fest.

Nothing too NSFW. This is Cannibalism Show (TM) we're talking about, so there is some leniency. But let's say if you would rate it as E on Ao3, then maybe try to get it a bit lower in rating or think of something different.

(Previously) Unpublished works. This may be a given, but a zine is the most fun when it's full of original content. You are of course free to publish what you made on your own accounts/profiles once the zine is online.

Other than that, it's pretty free to fill in for yourself! What can be published should be able to go in a hypothetically printed magazine, but if you would write fic, and essay, compile a mixtape list, make some meta newspaper article on the events, graphics, collages, a poster design, or banger fanart, it's all up to you as long as it gets you excited to work on it!

I'm splitting them up in written and graphic types of contributions, but there's room to give a pitch for your specific idea.

Practical stuff!

Max wordcount for written contributions should be about 2500 words. I'm not going to be too strict, but keep any overflow within reason.

Graphic works should be able to be displayed well on a 2100x3000px canvas on. This is the size of page I'm using at the moment.

How much time would there be to prep? For now I'm thinking of putting the final deadline on November 30 so hopefully everyone will have time to work on their submission (from scratch). I also gotta get the hang of a publishing design program lol.