#i excuse a lot. A LOT. in art and entertainment media but it went too far.

[tvslashers]

not tiktok learning about mai-chan’s daily life i can’t do this again

[simulation-machine]

SIMS RELATED PROJECTS/UPDATES

My spring break is coming up in a week and holy crap do I have plans on plans on plans, especially since my summer is gonna be full of school + internship + HOPEFULLY friggin' graduating with a BA in Psychology so that I can start applying to grad schools.

Read more iffin' you'd like! It's long! Here's a picture of my golden retriever napping on her brother's food bowl to entice/entertain you:

god she is so precious i would literally kill for her

GOAL 1: MASTER GSHADE/ReSHADE

I know that some people are sticklers for this but my thing is that I had no gee-dee clue what I was doing with ReShade, whereas Gshade just kinda clicked and worked for me? That said I have a bunch of resources for learning ReShade so I might end up moving back to it at some point.

My main issue is figuring out the order of all the different effects. It obviously matters, I'm sure people smarter than me have tried to use presets only to be like "why tf does this look absolutely nothing like the baller screenshots this one cool Simblr has?" Annnd it turns out it's order + remembering to turn off certain graphic settings. Also photoshop, but that's gonna take a lot longer for me to figure out lol.

Like I'd been struggling to figure out why @gunthermunch's gorgeous Lithium preset wasn't looking as sexy as it did before annnnd it's because I forgot to turn Edge Smoothing off when switching to it. Jesus wept at how dippy I am sometimes.

Eventually, what I would like to do is maybe make my own preset at some point? I would be kind enough to show the effect order too if I did so. But this requires so, so much more shader knowledge than I currently have.

FUN FACT: My first ever degree was in art, I even went to a very fancy and private art school (School of the Art Institute of Chicago if you're curious)- I dropped out after one semester because uhhh that shit is expensive. Ended up finishing my degree at a much cheaper location in MN. That said, my art was 100% analog and 2D, and it turns out it did not translate super well into trying my hand at graphic art.

It's funny because I've been gifted really neat stuff for graphic art (like a really nice Wacom tablet and Adobe subscriptions), like people just expected my mixed-media ass would know what to do with it. NOPE! But yeah, Sims is sort of my excuse to try my hand at this stuff again, especially since I have a bit more energy now that my soul is not regularly being drained out of my body by customer service and tech support jobs.

GOAL 2: GET CRACKIN' ON ANOTHER DOOR

This one is hard because I am only on Gen 2 of the Orsons and it's sort of hard to justify starting up another story while that one is less than 1/5 of the way done.

THAT SAID, I don't plan on posting Another Door until I have a decent chunk of it done. Since it's not a casual gameplay story nor a legacy challenge, I plan on editing the bajeez out of the screenshots for it, really honing in on the aesthetic. I want it to look and feel very different from my random legacy challenge.

Fortunately, this story has been fucking up my sleep schedule for *months* now and I have a lot of the writing for it done. The hard part is translating that into the Sims, making sure I get the right poses and stuff, maybe even learning how to make some super easy CC (like, posters and stuff), and stuff related to GOAL 1 above.

What I'm saying is that it's going to take a bit. But I'm super serious about sharing it because it's my obsession and honestly the first time a story of my own design has possessed me in literal years.

Also, I want to make sure I have a significant backlog of the Orsons before I start seriously simming for it, because I don't want to screw over my favorite little pixel babies. This legacy challenge is going to be the one, I have done so much to keep my save files to keep it safe from harm (ask me how many backups I have of the save files. JK don't, the number is frankly silly).

GOAL 3: START YET ANOTHER MASSIVE CC PURGE

Y'all, my CC folder for this game is honestly an embarrassment. I go so hard on CC shopping because this community is stupid-talented and I like giving my pixel babies nice things and cool looks. When I'm bored and not quite in the mood for gameplay, I just like making neat-looking sims that I do absolutely nothing with because I love fucking around in CAS.

I have built my own PCs since I was 17 years old, and when I first built COMPUTERMACHINE (current rig) back in the autumn of 2018, it was with the goal that it would run Sims 4 flawlessly no matter what I did to it. It's got ridiculous amounts of RAM, I religiously update parts for it. And to be fair, even with the current 6,907,907,890 TB of CC I have atm it runs better than Sims 3 ever had with a measly 50 GB of CC.

But for me, it comes down to finding all the stuff I wanna use. Making myself get rid of the stuff I don't wanna use. Straight up yeeting the CC that I thought was going to look incredible that uh, didn't deliver.

I do CAS CC purges about once a year but have literally never done it for Build & Buy stuff, because OMG some of this shit I've had since 2014. Like when Sims 4 first came out. YIKES. My CAS CC obsession is notable but it's honestly nothing compared to my Build & Buy. Even before For Rent made building lots slow af, my PC was starting to take a solid minute to switch to different buy categories.

It would take a long af time so I want to make sure I have a bunch of content in the queue before I do it. It's gonna be a whole ass thing and be so, so boring to do. So I'm putting it off for when I have a ton of time to do it. Like, oh, my entire Spring Break?

GOAL 4: MAKE A FRIGGIN' RESOURCES LIST ALREADY

This would obviously need to wait until after GOAL 3 is completed, but I wanna make sure the awesome creators whose stuff I use get credit, and that people know where they can grab neat stuff. It would include not only CC but mods, Gshade/ReShade presets, and maybe even lots and sims I've downloaded from the gallery?

(Since I am super anti-paywall and very unapologetic and rude about it, I will also share where one could perhaps get some of these CCs without paying some dip a Trenta Starbucks Unicorn Frappucino amount of $$$)

It's ambitious as hell because *gestures vaguely at GOAL 3* but it would make things like doing WCIF asks and lookbooks so much easier.

Somewhat relatedly, I wanna make a navigation post, especially once Another Door starts getting posted. That story is gonna be a bit huge with multiple arcs that take place over the course of like, 14 years. Plus once the Orsons get to the 4th+ generation, it would be easier to track things down.

IN CONCLUSION...

I have been having so much fun sharing my silly little Sim adventures on Tumblr, so much more than I ever thought I would! You all have been so great to me, and all of this stuff is sort of a way for me to repay that. Ever since I stopped being able to be artistically creative ever since a really nasty depressive spell in 2017, Sims has been my #1 artistic outlet. And having people who are even somewhat entertained by my pixels is incredibly motivating.

Basically, if you read all of this, DAMN would you have been a rad livejournal follower of mine circa 2007. On the seriousness, however, thank you all so much for being rad and encouraging and sweet. I promise to do you all, if not proud, then at the very least not disappointed.

Time to hit the bong and take some pictures of Lou and Tatertot before taking my IRL doggos on a walk~

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[eloisevisualculture]

the hypersexualisation of young girls in the media

The abuse and use of children for an adult’s personal gain is an issue that has always existed, regardless of the existence of the internet and the media. But the propagation of this platform (social media, entertainment or fashion magazines) has lead to a whole new sets of problems like the hyper-sexualisation of children, particularly young girls. The dictionary Larousse defines “hyper-sexualisation as “in society, the fact of giving an increasingly important place to sexuality, by multiplying references to it in the public space (media, advertising)”. In some cases this has been so normalised that criticism of these portrayals can be described as purist and excessive. What is the consequence of hyper-sexualisation of children in social media? The purpose of this essay will be to discuss the way the different ways children are sexualised in media and advertising and the effects it can have on their lives. It is not uncommon to hear the phrase “they grow up to fast nowadays” when referring to the youngest generations, as a result of their exposure to the media. Of course if the only thing young girls had to fear from acting like ‘grownups” was wearing makeup earlier in life, then there would be less cause for concern. Unfortunately, the dangers always revolves back to struggle of the ill- intentioned praying on the weak and easily influenced, and the continued danger of a patriarchal mentality passed down through generations. In the highly publicised fashion industry for instance, that holds a great influence on our society, there have been many instances of very young girls chosen as models, and put into adult life contexts. A notorious example is the 2011 edition of Vogue Paris, who published photographs of Thylane Lourby-blondeau, a 10 year old model who was pictures, in revealing clothes, makeup and jewellery, lying on a bed and looking at the camera with a sultry air.

It sparked a controversy and brought up the issue of the hyper-sexualisation children. Many people and parents stated that it was inappropriate and dangerous to picture a young child in an undeniably sensual light, and that directing a shoot to appeal to post-pubescent men, while the child was too young to understand the implications.  Thylane Loubry-Blondeau, on the cover of Vogue Paris, 2011, January edition Others defended it simply as ‘art’, the portrayal of a girl playing dress up, which ultimately does little to justify morals. Art was also the excuse Irina UNESCO gave after photographing and publishing albums of her daughter in sexual, pornographic scene, also nude, from the age of 4 to 11. In an interview with the purple magazine, Ionesco reflects on how her mother used her for years for her own personal gain and career, her works being widely known because they were so scandalous; “She would put make-up on me when I was a child. I slept very little, didn’t go to school. She took erotic photographs of me and made me act in erotic films, of which I was the subject. It wasn’t just about the photos — her entire approach was abusive. Sometimes she would send me to other photographers. She’d say: “You’re going to see such and such a photographer. It’s not great, but you’re going anyway.” It was becoming very dangerous.”(Ionesco). One of the disturbing things about the work Irina published about her daughter is that it is still available to purchase today, and even praised for it’s artistic value.

Eva Ionesco in her adult years has described in detail the “loss of childhood” and the life long effects she had to deal with from being sexualised and abused from such a young age “You were thrown into a world of adults, of nightlife, sex, and art very young — from the age of 12 or 13. And in one of the most liberal periods we’ve seen so far in terms of morals.” She went on to write a film inspired by her childhood and relationship with her mother. As with everything, it is important to avoid blind censure, and condemn anything without a deeper understanding. It is very easy to doggedly pursue a cause and become set in our opinions, and not allow freedom of expression to well meaning individuals, if their children are understanding and willing participants. The artist Sally Man was criticised for publishing nude pictures of her children. They were done as a celebration and a chronicle of her children’s evolution, childhood and slow progression to adulthood, and were done with the children’s understanding and consent, as was made clear in an article in the New York Times “The collaboration of the children in their mother’s work is apparent to anyone who spends time in their company. They are impish, argumentative participants, not robots. (When a photographer asked them what kind of portrait of their mother should accompany this article, they shouted, “Shoot her naked, shoot her naked.” She did.)”(2015).

Sally Mann put the safety and wellbeing of her children above personal gain, choosing to publish her photo album ‘Immediate Family”, when the children would fully be aware of their choice. “I thought the book could wait 10 years, when the kids won’t be living in the same bodies. They’ll have matured and they’ll understand the implications of the pictures. I unilaterally decided.” (2015). One of the effects of the explosion of social media, and their ease of access, is that young children know have the ability to not only watch content that might not be suitable for age but to create content themselves. On Tiktok for instance, there is a lot of content based on visual, and sensual appeal, like women doing suggestive dances in revealing clothing. Women who are old enough have the experience and sense to be fully aware, and take distance themselves from the comments, they are doing it for their own enjoyment. Young girls watch these videos and see the adulation and attention these influencers get, and want to try it out for themselves. Dr Elaine Kasket explains this system on TikTok is artificially amplifying a natural phenomenon. Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up.

"Teenagers are naturally interested in taking risks and they’re naturally interested in finding out about sex and The sexualisation of young girls is an issue which can be confused, but is also linked to their natural desire to imitate their mother, or older siblings. Every single child has tried at some point to act like their parents. But with the rise and ease of access of social media (instagram, TikTok), children have access to whole new world, and many try to imitate what they see on these platforms. discovering themselves as sexual beings and exploring that. "They are open to flattery, they are open to seduction, they are open to the verification they get from the hearts they get and the likes they get”. (2020, The Sun)Unfortunately, the same ease of access that allowed the children to post these videos also means that the people who want to abuse them can see them too. Not only do they write inappropriate sexual comment in the comments, or encourage more extreme behaviour for their own benefit, they also get in touch with the minors, and message them privately. Dr Kasket explanation is well illustrated by the 2020 film Cuties shows the traumas and effects of young girls lives governed by social media. This film portrays the journey of a young eleven year old Amy, as she joins a self organised preeteen dance group and is confronted with a whole new world of social media, pressures to be sexual and grown up. Through their imitation of sexualised adult women on the media, young girls inherit patriarchal and misogynistic ideals that superficial beauty determines their worth.The child beauty pageants are intensely popular in America, and raise a lot of money for charity. They parade toddler and young children in false nails, high heels, heavy makeup and heavy wigs, and are trained like performing animals to smile, pose and wave at the camera. 

Naturally, many people argue that the simple fact of wearing makeup does not affect the girls in the slightest, and while that is true on the surface levels, there is much more than meets the eye. By dressing them up in all these gowns, and covering them in makeup and accessories to make them look “prettier”, the young girls are being taught that their natural appearance is not enough, and  moreover that they need all these additional to get praise and win in life. 

These little girls might enjoy looking “ like a princess”, but they are also adopting restrictive and superficial beauty ideals, and learning the all importance of appearance. Naturally, it is important to avoid completely vilifying pageants, they are not always the traumatic experience described by anti pageants or even shown behind the scenes pageants show. In her article for The Cut Goode collects the testimonies of other pageant stars and they are a mixed bag. Some describe that they have fond memories of competing, as ' bonding experience with their mother. An other used the platform to raise awareness about suicide, after her mother took her own life when she was 10 years old.But most often pageant are for the parents gain, and while women and mothers are often the ones organising them, they are, unknowingly or not transmitting the pressures of performative femininity to their daughters. Perpetuating a patriarchal and misogynist mindset in which Women must prioritise their appearance above all else, as the only thing giving them value. 

And this cult of appearance and the emphasis on changing your appearance too fit the standards is the reason why eating disorders are so common in young girls and women. It could be argued that this is not the same as sexualisation of young girls, but beauty ideals and sexualisation are often intrinsically linked, especially if children are trying to abide to rules set by adults.  While this essay has been essentially focussed on young girls, because they are the most targeted and at risk, the sexualisation and perpetuation of beauty ideals gives a toxic example to a future generation of men. Young boys are taught from a young age that pretty girls must look a certain way.

Conclusion:The sexualisation of children is a topic that is heavily discussed, by those against it and those who deny it’s existence or effects. The fact remains that sexualisation along ever occurs for an adult’s personal gain, or benefit.Little girls want to be pretty and attractive, but it is rarely for themselves.Admiring and wanting to be an adult is the most natural thing in the world, it is just tragic that they incorporate toxic ideals of femininity and beauty at the same time.

Bibliography

COTTAIS, C. LOUVET, M. (2021). The dangers of the hypersexualisation of young girls: a stolen childhood​. ​growthinktank.org.​ ​[online]​ Jan. 2021​. at https://www.growthinktank.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/The-dangers-of-the-hypersexualisation-of-young-girls_-a-stolen-childhood.pdf(Accessed 8 apr 2021)

Woodward, R. B. (2015) ‘The disturbing photography of Sally Mann’. The New York Times. At:https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/magazine/the-disturbing-photography-of-sally-mann.html(Accessed 5 apr 2021)

Cuties (2020) Directed by M. Doucouré. Available at: Netflix (accessed 20 April 2018)

Ionesco, E.(unknown date) ‘Eva ionesco’. Interview with Eva Ionesco. Interviewed by O. Sham for The Purple Magazine, Paris issue num 32At: https://purple.fr/magazine/paris-issue-31/eva-ionesco/ (Accessed 9 Apr 2021)

Good, L. (2012) ‘I was a child pageant star: Six Adult Women Look Back’. The Cut. (November). At: https://www.thecut.com/2012/11/child-pageant-star.html (accessed 18 April 2021)

Hall. D. ‘How ‘supercharged catnip” Tiktok is fuelling the sexualisation of young girls an exploitation of teens.’ The Sun online. At: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10941512/tiktok-catnip-sexualisation-teens/ (Accessed 18 April 2021). 

[ratsoh-writes]

My curiosity got me, so here is my submission for a match up.  Sorry it’s so long!  I look forward to seeing your reasoning.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

MOM FRIEND:  I’m the friend that is almost over prepared for any situation and is protective, usually keeping others out of too much trouble or danger, but not stopping them from doing that stupid thing.  Some people will only learn from doing it and so long as it won’t seriously injure or kill them, go for it.  And I mean I am seriously prepared for most situations:  I have fluffy throw blankets and pillows in my car for those who get cold, extra towels just in case we somehow get wet, umbrellas/ponchos for those who need one, snacks/water just in case someone gets hungry/thirsty, first aid kit for small injuries, etc. Ironically, I am the only one without a kid so far.  

Extension of this would be my habit to act as the friend “nurse.”  Willing to spend hours taking care of a friend who isn’t feeling well and give platonic cuddles if needed.

Another extension of this is my need to feed anyone who comes over.  I think my love language is acts of service after typing all this. 

I’M LISTENING:  Always willing to offer an ear, even if I don’t believe I can council you.  Plus, for some reason, people just end up splurging life stories or something that is bothering them to me.  My life is mostly spent as that Naruto meme: “I have no clue what is going on, but I’ll pretend that I do.”  But I’m responsible about it, I won’t offer advice I’m not sure about and will usually refer you to someone else I feel is up to the task.

PATIENT:  Earned after years in customer service dealing with toddlers disguised as customers and also with friends who far exceed my energy levels.  It takes a good bit to anger me or very specific things to set me off, such as when I have asked you to please stop bringing up that stressful memory of mine again and again. 

I am told I am terrifying when I’m actually pissed.  Most times I don’t remember much when I actually snap, just that it happened, but details are fuzzy.  

CHILL:  My counselor once told me if I “Was any more laid back, I’d be on her floor.” And to a point, she is correct.  My house was on fire and my reaction wasn’t panic at the time, it was this odd calm that even when I reported the fire to my sister and authorities, they didn’t believe me until I showed them said fire.  I am reserved with those I don’t know well or are not comfortable around.  Once I trust you or you get me on a topic I love, I’m surprisingly passionate and animated.  

I feel this fits under here, but I also tend to do things at my own pace.  And not much can change that pace, but I will get what I set out to do done.

WHY ME?:  Too many people tell me I’m a natural leader, even got awards for it, but I never volunteer or want to be the leader in anything.  Usually, I just end up in that role somehow, some way.  Most times because I hate disorganized messes and those times the people I am with have trouble making concrete decisions and need some guidance to work out what they really want to do or the pressure to actually make a decision.  I may be an unwilling leader, but I will step up if needed.

WHIMSICAL:  Sarcasm, dry and sometimes cheesy humour, and an attitude to boot, but it’s rarely to be mean.  Most times it is me being playful and if I’m teasing you, that usually is a sign I like you and enjoy your company.  Plus, sometimes people need a little laugh or a spark of different emotion to get them out of a funk.  

INTEGRITY:  I could absolutely despise someone, but like hell I’m going watch them suffer.  In the same sense, if I take a job, I will do it right and not half ass it.  And far too many times I’ve had to step in and explain certain concepts in order to disperse negativity or help others see from another perspective to avoid adversity.  

CUDDLE BUG:  With people I am comfortable with, I am a cuddly person and do not mind a lot of skinship.  I am used to friends hanging all over me.  Plus, sometimes I just want to curl up someone as well.  

  STRENGTHS:  

Observant

Good communication skills & honest

Responsible & reliable

Full Size Human Heater.  I am ridiculously warm and always putting off heat.  Friends and coworkers alike use me as a portable heater.

Surprisingly good at being sly and collecting information if needed, like getting a shoe or ring size without tipping the person off it’s for a gift.  If they manage to call it, I always fess up and playfully make a fuss they ruined the surprise.

  WEAKNESSES:  

Terrible at lying, so I tend to simply keep my mouth shut instead

Willfully oblivious to flirting and absolute flustered mess once I am forced to recognize said flirting

Vast open waters terrify me

Tendency to keep my troubles to myself and try to solve problems on my own (don’t want to be a burden)

Can become despondent if I feel useless at times

  HOBBIES:

ART:  I’ve dabbled in several different medias, but my favorite is just a pencil or pen and any paper I can get my hands on.  I love drawing figures in dynamic poses.  Second favorite is sculptures built from wire.

COSTUMES:  I love Halloween, since it is the perfect excuse to make and wear my homemade costumes.  It also lets me challenge myself by making more complicated pieces like hooves, horns, and even chain mail.

BAKING/COOKING/CANDY MAKING:  I’m the cook in the house and I love it.  Seeing people enjoy my food is my favorite part.  Just don’t ask me for a recipe, I literally don’t have any and I won’t remember what I did.  

ORGANIZING/CLEANING:  I love puzzle games like Tetris and Catherine, and I love a challenge.  Combine the two by having me organize and rearrange a space to make it work and I am in heaven.

STORYTELLING:  When a story needs to be told, I am the one asked to tell it. Specifically I have such an entertaining way of telling it according to others.  Animated and colorful language, plus a few pit stops along the way with some side stories.  

  PET PEEVES:

CONTRARY:  Do not tell me to do something while I am doing it.  That will kill any motivation I had to do it.

BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS:  It is possible to compliment someone without insulting them or others at the same time.  It just makes the compliment feel empty and negative.  And I tend to just hum and not reward that behaviour.  

TOO MUCH ATTENTION:  I don’t mind attention… from people I trust and are comfortable with.  Feel free to cuddle and coddle away.  But vast amounts of attention from those I feel are strangers or acquaintances will unnerve me (I have literally left functions immediately  where I walked in and was bombarded with shouts and attention aimed at me-sensory overload I guess).

  ODD HABITS:

NESTING:  No, I don’t think I have enough blankets and pillows.  Yes, the giant stuffed animal is needed and his name is Snuffie.  

CRUSH ME:  I’m serious, some days I need one of my friends or my bf to just lay all their dead weight on top of me.  It’s just oddly therapeutic.

NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT:  Just cause I ate that jar of olives in one sitting or suddenly was craving jalapeno juice and crushed ramen noodles.  There are never enough pickles and yes, I am determined to try every kind–I may have a vinegar addiction.

IRONY:  I bake some of the tastiest, sweetest desserts and make pralines and caramels, YET I myself do not favor sweet things. 

HANDS:  One thing I tended to do with nearly every boyfriend and guy friend I had was play with their hands and put their hands on my face/head.  I lived for being pet and having people play with my hair.    

NONVERBAL MOMENTS:  Sometimes words are just too much, so I instead make sounds.  Can be anywhere from a growl to a cat like noise, or the reliable “Nyeh.”

NO NOs:

I think I listed a few as I went through everything else, but ignoring boundaries is the main one.  If I tell you I’m not comfortable with something, do not make me repeat myself.  And usually that something is given a pass the first few times it is done before I say something and explain why I’m not comfortable with it.   

Example:  I have thick, curly hair, a product of my mixed heritage.  Well, sometimes I like to straighten it and I did just that one day.  Well, a coworker decided to make a backhanded compliment, stating I should stick to what works: straight hair over my natural hair.  I had gotten on him about it, but I decided to vent to a friend about what happened as well.  She proceeded to constantly repeat those hurtful words and while I knew she meant it playfully during those times, I had to stop her and sit her down, explain I don’t find it funny cause the words are linked to a hurtful, possibly racist memory that I didn’t want brought up again and again.   Thankfully she understood and stopped.  So, I don’t snap immediately and I understand sometimes a sit down needs to be done.

Ok first of all I gotta say that I absolutely loved reading your matchup!!! It’s so well organized, detailed, and the descriptions are pretty creative!!! Do you do any writing yourself, because you should!!! alright, geek out moment over.

i’ve got three guys you’re perfect for, but let’s go for the obvious one. HONEY!! 

You’ve checked off everything on honey’s list: caring, organized, laid back, and good for cuddling. Now here’s what he has to offer to the table: he will cuddle you back. This guy is the ultimate cuddle slut. You’ll never feel unloved with him. Honey is also a very thoughtful and appreciative guy. He likes caring for his partners. You may be the mom friend, but he’ll do his best to return that love as well.

Honey is a little awkward, but he’s also sensitive and empathetic to how others feel. If he puts his foot in his mouth, just tell him and he’ll never bring it up again. Plus this guy is just so honest and genuine that backhanded compliments aren't really a thing with him. 

Also you like costumes!!! He’s always wanted to try cosplay or theatre. You just might be the person to give him the courage to finally stick to one. 

dating honey includes:

cuddles upon heaps of soft things. He has his own collections of ridiculously soft blankets and pillows that he’ll happily add to your collection. Honey is also a master at pillow forts. 

honey is a good listener. He’ll be happy to just sit back and enjoy the stories you tell. There is start though, who is also the storyteller of the underswap home. Any funny story you give about your time together will be rewarded by star with a funny story from his and honey’s childhood, much to honey’s embarrassment

if you don't really like sweet things but love baking them, then honey and star will happily finish them for you. People are usually surprised about how just how much skeleton monsters can pack away. 

he’s a picky eater and will give you the wtf face when you fufil your weird cravings though lol 

Oh! Also if you’re wondering, the other two would’ve been either oak or coffee

[soyouareandrewdobson]

The first comic: Maturity or rather the lack thereoff.

Something I commonly saw within the last decade was people arguing that animation has reached a new peak by the amount of quality in storywriting put into them and some even claiming cartoons have become more mature, particularly compared to shows of the 80s and 90s. Dobson too joined the trend and as such made this little comic in 2015 titled “Mature”, in which he argues that cartoons for children are more mature and handle serious subjects better than any media tagged with an r-rating or not following the format of animation.

  While I admit that the comic is not the most offensive and insulting thing Dobson has ever created when soapboxing about nerd/american culture, I do think “Mature”  actually in composes quite a good insight in how Dobson does not understand concepts of storytelling and overhypes the achievements and merits of children entertainment to a degree that is hurting the “cause”. Which greatly annoys me as a fan of storytelling and animation in general and paints Dobson as incompetent in the field of work (cartoonist, comic writer/artist) he tries to engage in. And I can bring this lack of understanding by Dobson down by just one simple question:

What exactly counts as a mature subject here?

 Dobson randomly accuses any form of fiction that is not a children’s cartoon or comic to have no idea how to approach a “mature” subject, but he can’t even give an example of what he defines by this term.

See, for me a mature subject is e.g. an social, emotional or political issue we as humans can correlate to in the real world. Either as a result of personal experience or a bigger picture in our history and culture (such as racism, poverty, existential dreed, personal/emotional growth, any form of oppression etc.) Something that does not only drive a story forward as a source of conflict or a character’s backstory/arc for the sake of entertainment, but may even make us think afterwards.

 And as much as I like cartoons, I do not think this is something children cartoons do most of the time.

 And before I get accused of thinking cartoons are only something for kids or that a thoughtful story can not be told via the medium of animation, let me put a few things into perspective.

Unlike Dobson, I do not have an educational background in animation. However, I grew up with a lot of cartoons, animated movies and comics from all over the world and thanks to the wonders of the internet read up here and there on the different ages of animation and certain tidbits in what went into the making of certain works of fiction and why they may have been a huge thing in the time periods they emerged in.

As such I know that the medium of animation can be used to not only create “child appropriate” content, but also movies like Barefoot Gen, Fritz the Cat, Felidae, Animal Farm and so on, which tackled themes of social issues, political worldviews and personal/historical tragedies.

 Then there is the fact, that depending on the culture, there are very different interpretations in what can be considered “child appropriate” in certain parts of the world and therefore what themes a cartoon may tackle. Like how in European children cartoons such as Alfred J. Quack there was a story arc resembling the rise of Adolf Hitler in power, to tell about the heroes of the show working in the underground against an obvious fascist regime. Or how in certain Japanese children shows the subject of death can be rather common, while in American cartoons just mentioning the word “die” seems a red flag to some studio executives. Lastly, a lot of early animation, (particularly western animation) did not even start off as something targeted primarily at children. Animation started off as a technique to tell a story through “moving pictures” and some of the first animated shorts ever had a huge fanbase of adults and children. “Snow White”, Disney’s first animated movie back in 1933 was a technical marvel at the time. A movie we nowadays mostly consider a children’s movie with a slightly dull story compared to other Disney outings, was back then a risk that earned Disney multiple Oscars and was appreciated more by adults than it was by children, despite being based on a fairy tale. A type of story mostly considered “appropriate” for kids.  

 What I am trying to say is, that I am aware of how not all children cartoons are the same and can vary in terms of “maturity”. Something I think Dobson can’t, because he also can’t see that there is a huge variety of “children” cartoons.

 Despite his background and claims to consider animation an art, Dobson has shown a huge lack of knowledge or admiration for shows/movies that do not fit into the specific mold of “western animation primarily targeted for children and airing on american television”.

And that is not a claim I make half-heartedly. I have done research on the guy, I know how he likes to brag when he considers he found a great cartoon or something interesting. So I find it telling that aside of nostalgia for certain 80s and 90s cartoons we all know, Dobson’s recommendations and taste in shows seems to be primarily focused on just the most recent stuff everybody else likes/a very small pool of rather generic shows. I am not saying he should be contrarian on principal and e.g. dislike Gravity Falls, but he lacks initiative to look out for new and old stuff himself.

I in fact remember when he asked twitter first if he should give Wander over Yonder, one of the best cartoons of the last decade, a chance, cause it seemed he was too chicken to have an opinion on his own.

Then again, weirdly enough, Dobson actually tends to be contrarian for the sake of it, till someone he respects or sucks up to tends to have a different opinion on a show/movie. For example, while he acts like Frozen is a great movie franchise and defends the second movie to the point he becomes anti-feministic when a woman has a different opinion than him on it, he actually gave the first movie a terrible review on deviantart back in 2014. Accusing it of “same face syndrome” and a shame to the name of Disney. Obviously that was also before the hashtag #GiveElsaaGirlfriend became popular and he went so far as to hint he thinks an incest ship with Anna was great. And Legend of Korra? According to first deviantart posts by him garbage. Which was an opinion swiftly changed the moment Korrasami became popular in the fandom by season 3.

 The point I want to make with this digression is, that there are a lot of past actions by him hinting on the fact that Dobson kinda despises animation, when it does not fit within a very narrow niche of things he likes. Further indicated by his disdain for “adult” animated shows or hostility towards foreign animation, except the occasional movie by Studio Ghibli for example.

 Because of this lack of a bigger picture, I do not think Dobson is aware how in terms of story, cartoons can heavily vary. And when it comes to mature subjects, you can’t really engage with them if you lack a story carrying them in turn. Let’s look again at the comic. What cartoon characters do you see in it, when Dobson talks about how he believes children cartoons “treat these (non-defined) mature subjects with FAR more respect than the hardest “dark, grim and gritty” stories”?

Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony, three main characters of Spongebob, Steven Universe, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls and Mickey Mouse. You want my opinion on them? None of them are from any cartoons tackling mature subjects in a huge manner.

 However, they are from great shows. (Well, everyone but Steven, but I explain that later.)

See, this is where putting cartoons into perspective within the vast history of animation, comes in handy. Cause looking at them it is undeniable that people put effort into these shows. Effort in the animation and the writing in order to create an entertaining product, decent enough that not only little kids can enjoy it as a mindless distraction, but even older people can find merit in it, thanks to characters with decent personality, good humor, world building and even an engaging story. But all of that doesn’t make these shows or any story necessarily tackle a “mature subject”. Sure, the latest incarnation of My little pony was not as saccharine as its predecessor but rather cartoony as a good 90s show, but that doesn’t mean the new version is the Schindler’s List of animation (excuse the hyperbole). Same for the other cartoons, with Dobson also not acknowledging the fact that Spongebob e.g. had quite some dips in quality over the years (and even made pretty awful jokes about serious subjects such as suicide) or that Steven Universe, while tending to tackle mature subjects for its story (like trauma, war, abuse, self esteem issues, racism, rape and homosexuality) has failed multiple times over its run (even back when this comic was made) to treat these subjects not just as plot and drama points, but also with enough respect within the narrative, to the point a lot of former fans of the show turned their back on it, cause they had enough of the issues they could relate to being simplified and resolved in a cookie cutter manner so Rebeca Sugar could tell a whimsical story about gay space rocks and forgiveness.

 Let us not even forget the fact, that while there is a huge number of cartoons with decent writing and value to them (and that those were not only created within the last 10 years or so), there is also just a lot of garbage out there that counts as “kids animation”. Cartoons and movies that were written with not a care in the world and at times outright more mean spirited as some of the stuff Dobson likely hates in life action. Are you telling me those toilet humor driven garbage piles of creativity are mature?

 The point I try to make is, Dobson’s GENERAL statement that kids cartoons tackle mature subjects better than other form of media, is factually wrong, because a lot of shows don’t even try to be mature in the first place. Which however does not mean, there aren’t attempts made at being mature or tackle a mature subject.

 Growing up with cartoons since the 90s, I saw quite a few cartoons once in a while having episodes with themes to them that were surprisingly “dark”, dramatic or related to issues I and other kids could also see and relate to in the real world. Bullying going out of control, eating disorders, school violence (even school shootings), dealing with the passing of a loved one, to name a few basic ones. Gargoyles and Hey Arnold were two very important cartoons for me in that regard, with Gargoyles showing me how dramatic a good action cartoon could be when compared to other action cartoons at the time (like Ninja Turtles) and Hey Arnold episodes like “Helga on the Couch” giving me a rather somber look into what “therapy” looks like closer to reality, while normally being a show with the slice of life adventures of a kid in the big city.

And I do highly appreciate that nowadays there are more cartoons doing ongoing storyarcs and as a result of actually having more drama to them, adding tension and character development to their plots. Things we did not quite have to the degree we have nowadays back then in the average show. But it is debatable if those things are equal to “mature subjects” such as racism, abuse or trauma. Cause at the end of the day, a lot of kids cartoons tend to only scratch the surface of those things in order to flesh out a plot, instead of making the plot about those issues. Which at times is even for the best if you ask me. Cause we should not forget, these shows and movies are made for kids. And because of their age, a lot of kids lack at times the knowledge and experience in life to properly understand the themes and subjects some people may try to convey with their work. Particularly when you want to tackle subjects such as trauma, abuse and war which lets be honest, a lot of people can’t even comprehend in their complexity as adults. So how are kids supposed to comprehend them? One way, in my opinion, is by simplifying them and turning them into part of a narrative instead of the main focus of the narrative. But that in itself doesn’t always work and can have negative consequences in multiple ways. For example by making the story suddenly non engaging, delivering the subject in such a manner that people can get the wrong message of what you are trying to say or (at worst) simplifying it to such a degree, it becomes outright offensive to others.

A good example that comes to my mind for that would be how Captain Planet back in the 90s tried to tackle the subject of AIDS in one episode. On one hand, considering how the disease was a big deal back then but no one openly talked about it, you kinda have to give credit to Captain Planet to tackle it. On the other hand, is a subject such as a deadly disease that back then was barely researched and killed millions, really something you want to tackle on an overly preachy (but considering whose company produced it, also very hypocritical) kids show, where most of the time the solution to a problem was not even grounded in reality? And spoilers, the episode treated AIDS not even as the big deal it was, but as something the villain would exploit to spread a rumor on the ill kid, because that somehow equaled a chance to pollute the world more. Not really mature, if you ask me.

 What all of this ranting is boiling down to, is that Dobson failed to make a case for how kids animation is able to tackle mature subjects, by not putting his opinion in the bigger context of what animation is/can be and what he means by the term “mature theme”. All he did was just indirectly soapbox that he thinks every other form of media is incapable of being about a serious issue, in doing so also insulting the art of storytelling in itself by disregarding anything not expressed in funny pictures specifically made for children or manchildren on tumblr who want to act they are the big boys, cause a cartoon horse made them feel sad.

He did so by making a very weak argument, not being able to present it in a manner that was hard to debunk and by drawing a comic in which everything looks surprisingly lifeless and like the least amount of quality and effort (things I argued can make a great cartoon) was put into it.

 Which ironically, is the total opposite, of being mature.

And lastly, can’t believe I have to say that, but Dobson, the Pokemon’s name is Butterfree, not Butterfry. Butterfry is what you get when you make a statue of a Futurama character made out of something you put on your bread.

[mk-wizard]

Transformers Needs a Proper Movie

Hello, fans.

As we all know, Transformers has had three shots at the cinema. In the 80s, there was the animated film which also served as the debut of Rodimus Prime. More recently were the Michael Bay movies which also served as the Bay Era which expanded the Transformers lore. And recently, the stand alone one off Bumblebee which was meant to star the titular fan favourite bot Bumblebee.

At the risk of sounding critical though, if I stop and look at these films, I see that two of them are flawed and one is not really a Transformers movie at all. The problem with the first film is that it played out a lot like an attempt to sell new toys and it was very shameless in how it killed off the old generation of characters. So much so that when I tried rewatching the movie again, I felt Optimus’ death was not all that dramatic and if anything, cheapened because everyone died in that movie. Another problem with the first animated film was something my husband point out is that it didn’t have much of a plot or much character development. It was too many fight sequences which was accompanied by a lot of rock music. While the music was at least good, it left the movie itself feeling piecemeal.

And while I hate being another fan who is critical of Michael Bay’s Transformer films, I think he should have stopped at the first movie which honestly was just right in terms of his style. Yet even with that, it wasn’t the best story about Transformers I have ever seen. I felt it showcased the humans more than the bots and I did not like the designs of his Transformers. I have nothing, but gratitude for his contribution to the lore with the era he ushered in, but the first movie was at best a fun watch when you want to relax, but nowhere near the standards of storytelling series like Beast Wars, Prime or Armada even set us up for.

Finally, we have Bumblebee which really isn’t a Transformers movie at all when you really look at it. It’s a movie showcasing a single character from the Transformers franchise which doesn’t make it a bad movie. Bumblebee is actually the best film Transformers has dished out so far and it was an improvement in character development, plot and quality in leaps and bounds. However... it still isn’t a Transformers movie and at the risk of sounding picky, it’s not quite up to par with where it can be.

Hasbro is one of the biggest names in children’s entertainment, toys and media right now and Transformers has always tried to keep a gold standard in its storytelling. With its resources, team and big names, I find it has no excuse to not give us a proper Transformers movie at long last. And after some analysing, these are the things Hasbro must do in order to finally achieve that;

Showcase the Transformers not the humans. Nobody watches a movie “titled” Transformers to watch teenage angst or everyday human life. We have other films for that. Let the Transformers be the stars. If you can only do that through animation, do animation. The first TV series was animated anyway.

Start off small by concentrating on the challenge at hand in that movie alone. It is ok to set up the possibility of sequels or a spin off series, but set the movie off first as a stand alone film first. The script will come out cleaner and more organised for it.

Pick the right director and cast. These things always make a different. The right people working on the movie can make or break it. In the case of Transformers, pick someone who respects and accepts the lore even if they plan on expanding it. And when I say that, I mean pick someone who does more than just makes things explode and has long drawn out fight sequences. Transformers is not like that and we know it.

Respect the audience. I have to admit this because I care too much about the franchise to not say it. The Michael Bay sequels went down a path that was disrespectful and offensive if not outright dirty. People of all walks of life are going to watch something titled “Transformers”. You cannot and should not insult them because you will face backlash. And sadly, you will have it coming.

Start off small. The one idea the 80s film did right was setting the story in an existing setting which I think is the best way to go about making a Transformers film properly for the first time.

Anyway, this is all just my opinion. I would like to know all of yours of what would make a proper Transformers movie.

If you have a Transformers fan theory you want discussed or a character you want analysed, let me know in my ask box please.

Thank you for reading and if you want to support me, you can do so on Patreon or by just giving me a Ko-fi. I also do art commissions if you want me to do art of your favourite bots or something else. The more I am supported, the more I can do such as merchandise and someday, full videos.

Have a great day and stay well, friends.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

A Loki by another name... (Loki x ofc)

Hello! For @just-the-hiddles​ 1k celebration, I bring for you today a Loki x ofc with no warnings. Rated Teen. 

A Loki by Another Name....

Audrey giggled to herself, kicking up a pile of leaves as she made her way toward her apartment. The cool fall air kissed her cheeks and gave her breath a hint of winter fog. She was coming home from her sixth date with Luke and everything felt like a teenage dream. He was the handsome mythology teacher who had recently joined the high school. He had seemed to come out of nowhere, blowing into town with his slick dark waves and smart suits.  

He captivated her the moment she saw him. When he asked her to dinner a few weeks before the start of the school year, she jumped on the chance. It wasn’t something she could explain but she was so pleased to be noticed by him. One date lead to a second and somehow, they ended up a couple just in time for the beginning of the school year.  

Or, she assumed that was what they were. It wasn’t a conversation they had officially had. But he walked her through the school halls, holding her hand for all to see. Teenagers were brutal and you didn’t do that unless you were real, right? It was a conversation she knew she need to have with him but it could wait.  

Today had been too perfect to mar it with such a serious talk. They had spent the afternoon holed up together in her classroom, grading papers over tea. Once the mountain was concurred, he had treated her out to dinner in the nicest place in town as if it were nothing.  

After a parting kiss, she was left walking through the night on cloud nine. It was safe enough that she didn't give it any thought. Still, when she turned to look behind her, Luke was standing there on the sidewalk in the distance watching her walk away. He'd offered to walk her home, he always did but it was only a few blocks, almost a straight shot. He lived a few blocks in the other direction, it was silly to walk all the way down here only to turn around and walk back.  

Over dinner, they had planned to spend Halloween together. It was his idea and judging by the things he had planned for them to do, he had taken his plans straight from a teenage girl's dream. Audrey was beyond excited for it. Hay rides, apple picking, pumpkin patches, it would be perfect. There was no way it could even begin to go sideways.  

~~~~~<3

“You mean to tell me Loki is alive and on Earth?” Thor looked sheepishly down at the reflective surface of the polished metal tabletop as Tony raged at him. “You didn’t think to mention that, Point Break, when you found out? He’s dangerous.”

“I’ve been watching him.” Thor offered.

“How? You don’t even know where he is!"

How long has he been on earth, do you know?" Banner asked from where he stood, not paying attention to much going on in the room. His attention was more focused on the matter at hand, a device made of magic and technology, woven together and ticking down seconds. What would happen when the timer reached zero, they didn't know. But it was probably a bad thing. It seemed to always be a bad thing.

“There haven’t been any issues, have there?” Thor offered as if that was a good enough excuse and in his mind, it was. Humans were such short sighted creatures.

“We need to find him, now.” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I agree. He would be of great assistance. He is one of Asagrd’s most skilled in the magical arts. Mother taught him herself.”

Another set of eyes on this would be good." The others ignored Banner's input but he didn't notice, too busy turning the problem over in front of him, trying to find the solution.

“Or maybe we need to find him before he decides he’s having a bad day and needs to take over the world again.” Tony snapped.  

“There were reasons for that- I’m sure.” Thor pressed.  

“Like what?” Tony didn’t leave him a chance to answer before turning and setting his attention to the computer. All he needed to do was set a facial recognition program and have Friday scan all the security film in the world and if he was lucky, Loki would be on it. How hard could it be to find one rogue god?

~~~~~<3

Audrey was early as she made her way up the steps. The air around her was crisp and but her black pea coat kept her warm enough for now. In a few short weeks, it would be too cold for the stylish coat and it would be replaced with one that would make her resemble a blueberry. The cafe they were to meet at was a small local shop, like most shops in town. Her hair was curled into a bouncing tumble of waves and she had spent far more time on her makeup than normal.  

Luke was inside, black waves caressing his shoulders from a recent trim. He greeted her with a coffee in hand and a warm hug. Before she knew it, off they went. What they didn’t see was the people sitting spread out in the restaurant across the street watching them.  

As the couple walked down the sidewalk, the group of people made subtle work of gathering outside. They stood on the sidewalk, some pretending to look at a tourist book while others looked after the couple walking in the distance. They didn't expect to find Loki laughing with a women, fingers intertwined.

“That was rather unexpected.” Tony broke the silence as the others agreed. "Let's go get him before something has a chance to go wrong."

Let's observe for now. She is going willingly enough with him and it looks almost as if my brother is courting her." Thor offered, keeping his voice low to avoid drawing any more attention to their group.

So he has more time to hurt her?" Tony scoffed.

Stark, I'm well aware of my brother's past sins. But this has nothing to do with your issues." Thor scolded, putting the issue at rest for the time being.

~~~~~<3

“I had a lot of fun today.” Audrey broke the silence as she looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined. They’d been walking back through the town for a bit. The moon was high and the chill in the air had much more of a bite to it.

“As did I.” Luke agreed, glancing down at her, taking in her thin pea coat and red cheeks. “Are you chilled?”  

“Oh, I’m fine.” She lied.  

“Nonsense.” He shrugged out of his coat and draped it over her shoulders. The warmth soaked into her. “What would the students say if I let their favorite English teacher come down with a cold?”  

“Oh yes, we can’t have that. That would ruin your reputation.” She laughed, drawing a chuckle from the man she knew as Luke.  

“Time to stop playing house, Reindeer Games. Step away from the girl and come quietly.” A group of people stepped up to them. She recognized the man speaking as Tony Stark and the larger man as Thor.  

“I beg your pardon?” Luke scoffed, eyebrow raised.  

“I think you’ve got him confused with someone else.” Audrey offered, confused herself as Luke pulled her behind him.  

“My apologies, milady but we need a moment with Loki.” Thor offered. Luke's frame was stiff and tense as she held onto his hand still.  

“Luke?”

“Loki.” Tony corrected her.

“Is that true?” She pulled her fingers from his.  

“Yes. Audrey, let me-”

“You lied to me.”

“We don’t really have time for this.” Tony said but was ignored.  

“Why?” She demanded, stepping out to his side. She didn't show any fear of him, though perhaps she should have. “What was this? What was tonight? Just a game?”

“No-” She cut him off.  

“I cared for you. Does that matter at all or was it all for your entertainment while you, what? Killed time waiting for the Avengers to find you and take you away?”

Tony moved to step up, say something but Thor rested a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Let them sort this out. It can wait for a bit longer. Let’s give them a moment.”  

She hardly registered the team walking a bit down the street. Loki reached out for her but she took a harsh step away. He decided right then that he would not do this with her now, in front of the eyes of Thor and his friends.  

She stepped away harshly, doing her best to yank her arm out of his reach. He was faster by far and his strong hand pulled her back to him. “Get away from-”  

His arm circled around her abdomen as her momentum carried her to him. She tripped over her own feet and crashed against his chest. Gray clouds burst forth and swallowed them before winking out as suddenly as they came. When the team looked back to check on the commotion, they found the sidewalk empty.  

At no point did she feel fear of him. It was hard to fear a man she had spent so much time getting to know. This wasn't the first time she was alone with him. He didn't look any different now. She couldn’t put the idea of the man she had been getting to know, who had been taking her on such magical dates, who had shown up in this small town with the man who’s pale face had been all over the news during his failed attempt to take over the world.  

The next moment, she was standing in what looked like her small living room. She’d spent the night grading papers sitting at her dining table, sharing coffee with Loki more than once. She tired to remember what she knew of the man who was defeated in New York as she turned, pulling herself from his arms easy enough.  

There was a moment where instinct took over. Her hand sailed through the air before she could even stop to think how terrible of an idea it was to slap a god. One who had been billed by the media as insane. One she had been tricked into caring for. He had tricked her into caring for him, hadn't he?

“Perhaps I deserved that.” Loki rubbed his jaw with something resembling more affection than pain. “Will you let me speak now?”  

“Do I have a choice? Where are we, really, anyway?”

“I suppose not.” Loki mused. “And we’re exactly where it looks like we are, in your living room. We don’t have long before they track me down.”

“Why? I cared for you and it was all a waste.” Tears gathered in her eyes as she crossed her arms in front of her.  

“Was it?” Loki asked. His voice was low low and gentle as he reached out, resting his hands on her arms. His thumbs were caressing the curve of her shoulders. It was so hard to tell herself that she should be scared of him when the man looking at her looked no different than the man she knew.  

“I’m not an idiot. Stop playing me for one.” She sniffled and it was an ugly sound in her own ears. “Why? Why ‘Luke’? That’s a dumb name, a step down from ‘Loki’.”

“The name? Simply a play on my own name. One of the names mankind has given me through the years is Luki, one letter off.” He shrugged. “It was good enough. I hadn’t planned to stay for long.”

“And I was, what? Just entertainment?” She scoffed and in a moment of frustration, Loki shook her sharply by the shoulders.  

“No. I intended to only be here for a few weeks while I recovered strength. But than-”

“You what? Found a toy? God, I can’t believe-”

“Bloody hell! Will you shut up and let me speak?!” Loki roared, voice demanding her attention. “I stayed because of you!”

“What?” Tears spilled from her eyes now and Loki’s hold softened. One hand moved to cup her cheek, fingertips wiping tears away.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m in love with you.” He didn’t give her a chance to turn him down, to say anything at all. “I don’t need you to say anything at the moment. I only needed you to know before they could interfere. I don’t expect that you could-”

“Shut up and kiss me.” What the future holds, she couldn’t say. What she did know was that her heart beat for him. She knew that she cared for him, regardless of if he was Luke, Luki or Loki. It would take time to merge the two identities into one and she had so many questions but none of that mattered in the moment.  

He did as she asked. When her front door opened, Tony’s hand on the knob, Loki was kissing her softly as a wave of magic shimmered over him. His smart suit disappeared in a shimmer of green and leather garb replaced it. The shift happened under her fingertips yet she didn't open her eyes. In a moment she went from kissing Luke the teacher to Loki the prince and yet, the way he kissed her remained the same.  

When their lips parted, she gazed up at him and admitted for everyone to hear, “I love you.”  

~~~~~<3

Tag List: @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-7​, @theoneanna​, @alexakeyloveloki​, @toozmanykids, @j-u-s-t-4, @winterisakiller, @missaphrodite23, @bambamwolf87, @nonsensicalobsessions, @tinchentitri, @xoxabs88xox, @queenoftheunderdark, @wegingerangelica, @myoxisbroken, @panicfob

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Weekly Blog Post #1 -Goodbye 2018 and Welcome 2019

1/11/2019

Dear Future me,

I’m a bit late starting this (which I have no excuse for), but the gist is that I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to make a blog post every week as a way to document and look back on all the good and possibly not good things happening in my life. There's no formula here, it’s mainly be just a free for all to talk about my week and the things I enjoy.

That being said, This first entry will be a bit different and quite a bit longer than normal, as I reflect back on the recently ended 2018. This year stretched on unusually long as Trumps Politics became a raging dumpster fire threatening a country wide collapse on a weekly basis, and authoritarian began spreading further throughout the rest of the World. For me personally, I

-wrote a 26 page thesis that I will never look at again

-graduated from UC with a Neuroscience degree

-served a term as a research assistant taking care of mice

-worked at then quit my job at Staples

-Got a job at the IRS

-Got suspended from my job at the IRS due to a government shutdown that is still in effect

-started dating for the first time (though no girlfriend as of yet)

-grew even closer to my friends as we typically hung out at least twice a week

-entered a DnD campaign

-Got suspended from playing said DnD campaign

-Discovered I like Sushi

-Went to my first concert since middle school (Panic! at the Disco and Hayley Kiyoko)

-Stayed at a cabin with my friends where we played strip jenga and got lost hiking in the woods for 8 miles in a thunderstorm

-Got a mysterious disease that lasted 2 weeks from said hike

-Grew my hair out then cut 10 inches off and donated it

-My best friend got engaged, My sister went to Sweden, and my brother moved to Toledo

-Watching my puppy Cocoa grow up (though we technically got her late 2017)

And probably a lot more that I can’t remember at the moment. As per usual I spent a lot of 2018 consuming media like the nerd that I am, so I’m going to spend the rest of this far too long entry ranking my favorite things I saw/read in 2018. These will be ranked by pure enjoyment, not overall quality, and aren't meant to be an objective best of list. I just want to talk about things I like. So:

Top 5 Movies

Honorable mention- Hereditary, a fantastic and deeply unsettling film that was one of the most emotionally charged viewing experiences I’ve ever had. It would be high on the list if I had actually watched in 2018, but I only just now watched it and had made the list before hand. Still, one of the best horror movies I’ve ever seen.

5-Venom-Movie was a fucking mess but it was pretty fun. I love the concept of the Symbiotes.

4-A Quiet Place-A movie with almost no sound/verbal dialogue and a great sense of suspense

3-Black Panther-Amazing sense of Style, Amazing Villain, A great Cultural achievement  

2-Deadpool 2- Fantastic sense of humor, inventive fights, first big screen lgbt+ superheroes

1-Into the Spiderverse-Best animation I've seen in maybe a decade, Everything about this movie is surprisingly amazing, from the soundtrack to the character designs to the emotional resonance. This Movie can’t come out on DVD fast enough.

Top 5 Cartoons

Honorable Mention -Voltron-Disappointing Finale but 7th season had an amazing Keith/Shiro fight scene and Lotor, arguably one of the best characters in the series.

5-Rick and Morty-Not my favorite season but still smart, rewatchable, and unique episodes.

4-She Ra- Great characters and designs with the Catra/Adora conflict elevating the Series.

3-Bobs Burgers- Consistently good, funny, and relatable, My whole family enjoys it.

2-Steven Universe- Finally getting answers to alien plot, excellent art, plenty of lgbt goodness

1-Hilda-An incredibly inventive new series with a truly unique and empathetic fantasy world, adorable art, a wonderful mother-daughter relationship and some of my new favorite creature designs. The atmosphere this series creates is one I want to live in forever.

Top 5 TV Shows

Honorable Mention- Killing Eve, Like Hereditary I did not watch this until 2019, but I adored Villanelle’s strange psychopathy and the very lesbian tension between her and Eve.

Honorable Mention-The Haunting of the Hill House-Great character building episodes, neat effects, and a great building tension, an underwhelming finale brings it down a bit.

5-Stranger Things-Inferior to the 1st season but still great characters and interesting plot

4-Game of Thrones-Lots of plot contrivances but every episode was still massively entertaining.

3-Good Place-Genuinely great twist with creative ideas and a solid critique of moral philosophy

2-Dirk Gently-Batshit insane, quirky, hilarious, with absolutely amazing characters and writing.

1-Brooklyn 99-One of the best shows on TV, every episode is hilarious and heartfelt, I love every cast member. Ontop of having an amazing sense of humor, B99 is one of the most progressive shows on television, and continually address relevant issues in a tactful and good natured way.

Top 5 Anime

Honorable Mention-Zombieland Saga- a fun show with a creative spin on the idol genre, the heartfelt relations between the characters were a highlight, as was the presence of a trans idol.

5-Aggretsuko-Incredibly relatable with adorable and lovable characters.

4-Mo Dao Zu Shi-Unique setting with a great protagonist and a slow build gay romance

3-Devilman Crybaby-An unforgettable and highly enthralling experience, plus I’m gay for Miko

2-Megalo Box-Probably Deserves to be #1  for its fantastic sense of style, tension, amazingly choreographed fights, lovable protagonist and ‘Antagonist’, and incredible pacing.

1-Reincarnated Slime-This anime is just the ultimate escapist fantasy. Every week I look forward to watching the stupidly op and likable protagonist make friends with everyone he meets, build a peaceful city from scratch, overpower everyone with neat abilities, try his best to avoid conflicts, and comment on how hot everyone around him is. It's the equivalent of playing an RPG and doing every side quest you can to make everyone happy, I love it. It's just very Chill and pretty.

Top 5 Comics

Honorable Mention-Space Battle Lunchtime-Cute lgbt+ characters and fun concept, but short for now

5-Moonstruck-My ideal fantasy world with fun and vibrant fantasy designs and a highly diverse cast of lgbt+ characters, but only just beginning with a lot of room for further character development. 

4-Trust-fantastic art and an intriguing setting with a mysterious but interesting plot

3-MotorCity-Stylish protagonist with an adorable girlfriend and an interesting supernatural twist.

2-Saga-Creative and exciting space opera that introduces lots of likable characters and then kills them.

1-The Adventure Zone-My favorite Fantasy Story of all time getting translated into a visual medium. While the first Volume was not quite as good as the Podcast (Though I don’t believe that’s possible anyway), it still had much of the great humor and characters with some lovely art and a condensed story.

Top 5 Web Series

Honorable Mention- Game Grumps-Not sure if I want to count Lets Plays but this channel brings me so much joy. House Party, Doodle Doods, and the 10 Minute Power Hours were highlights.

5-Monster Pop-Great colorful character designs and complex character conflicts with ample lgbt+ content

4-Buzzfeed Unsolved-very interesting and weird events with hilarious commentary, the hosts have a great chemistry and play well off each other.

3-Their Story-My favorite lesbians, stylish, cute, and fun, wish it updated more often.

2-19 Days-Amazing slow build romances with incredibly fun characters and interactions, Grade A Homoerotic tension. 

1-Ava's Demon-Some of my favorite art and character designs in any Media, The plot is amazing and fairly unpredictable, I feel incredibly excited every time I see it has updated.

Well that’s all for now. Next time will be my favorite ships of 2018, as their were some interesting couples this year.

[emeraldnebula]

Thoughts on the comic book industry, Part 5

In my last rant about the state of the comic book industry, I talked about how completely out of touch the Big 2 publishers are with reality, both creatively and politically. And naturally, it's going to beg the question: "Why not support other publishers?"

It's not an invalid question on its face. But it is a very difficult question to answer, because of the way the industry has changed over the last 26 years. Again, the Big 2 are acting like it's still 1992-1993, when the industry was at its peak thanks to the '90s comic book boom. And at that time, the industry had expanded to such a point that smaller publishers were growing in prominence and new publishers were showing up in droves. But over the last two decades, the industry has massively atrophied, with many smaller publishers dying out, distribution channels shrinking to a monopoly benefitting DC and Marvel, entry into the industry perversely becoming harder at a time when digital media should be leveling the playing field, and the remaining other publishers making their living on wares that have a limited shelf life.

Simply put, it's not so easy to ignore DC and Marvel when the current comics market doesn't allow for any true competition to emerge.

Let's go back to the early '90s and see what was going on at the time. DC and Marvel were obviously still the market leaders. But you also had Image, founded by several of Marvel's biggest and most popular artists, launching their own creator-owned properties and making a huge splash based on star power alone. You had Valiant, founded by former Marvel editor Jim Shooter, which relaunched several vintage comic book properties in addition to their own, more modern superhero/vigilante books. You had Dark Horse Comics, which made its name with both high-profile creator-owned material (Hellboy, Sin City, The Mask), classic mnaga books, and high-end licensed comics (The Shadow, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Alien, Predator). You had Topps Comics, which did licensed books like Zorro (and its spinoff Lady Rawhide) and Bram Stoker's Dracula. You had Defiant, another Jim Shooter company. You had Malibu, a superhero-themed outfit that eventually became a Marvel brand. You had special imprints from the major publishers, like DC's Vertigo, Helix, and Paradox Press and Rob Liefeld's Maximum Press. You had Fantagraphics doing everything from classics like Usagi Yojimbo to off-the-cuff indie material. You had Penthouse, of all people, launching their own comics line that included fully-painted adaptations of Bible stories. And tons and tons of indie publishers were available, with long-standing cult books like Zen: Intergalactic Ninja getting new attention (and movie deals, too).

There was a lot to choose from at the time, and much of that was due to their being a big range of distributors. I recall one of my all-time favorite catalogs, Advance Comics, whose parent company used to be my local comic shops' distributor of choice until 1996 or so. Every issue of that catalog was like a comic book adventure in its own right, because there was so much to see, so much that I was unaware of previously. The comic book industry at that time was so much bigger than I could have imagined, and to see it all brought together in one monthly catalog with news articles was always a treat. And because there were still a lot of distributors to work with at the time, the barrier for entry to the comics industry was wide open for anyone who had the talent...and admittedly, for some who probably shouldn't have been let in. One of Wizard Magazine's Top 20 best-selling comics of 1994 was Double Impact, an indie comic ripoff of Andy Sidaris' tits-and-guns flicks. So yeah, there was definitely some drek that slipped thru the cracks. But that aside, the state of the industry was that of a wide playing field where anybody and everybody could be part of it.

But to the surprise of absolutely nobody, the greed of the Big 2 was what brought it all crashing down. Marvel was at a high at the time not just because they were a breeding ground for the hottest artists in the industry, but because they had the #1 comic book franchise in the world: the X-Men books were always Top 10 sellers. So they not only bought their own toy company (Toy Biz), but they also bought their own distributor – Heroes' World – and went exclusive thru them. Not to be outdone, DC went exclusive thru Diamond not long afterward. This obviously impacted the other distributors, who now had to deal with losing a ton of business as a consequence. Gradually, the other larger publishers joined up with Diamond as well, killing off all the other distributors completely. And when Marvel suffered financial problems near the end of the '90s, they too joined up with Diamond.

Thus we ended up with the distribution monopoly we have now, and it was a sad thing to see play out. Not only was it a shame to see things like Advance Comics slowly lose more and more content before finally being snuffed out, but it also led to (a) comic book fans and shops having to deal with a single distributor they had problems with and (b) a greatly increased barrier for entry into the industry. If you don't get into Diamond's Previews catalog, you're screwed. And in an age where digital media dominates, for the comic book industry to be so closed off not only limits your choices for what's available, but it also cuts off any real chance for there to be legitimate challengers to DC and Marvel.

Again, let's look at what's changed between 1992-1993 and 2018. Image, which initially looked to be a real competitor to the Big 2, has splintered and shrunken. Jim Lee sold out his portion of the company to DC (and is currently helping to run DC into the muck), several of its artists have returned to DC and Marvel, Todd McFarlane doesn't draw anymore, and the properties it was hyping so hard died out with the '90s. (Seriously, does anyone even remember Spawn anymore, much less care about it?) Most of Image's output now is small creator-owned projects, with The Walking Dead being known far more for its TV incarnation than for the comic it originally was. Dark Horse lost many of its licensed properites to Disney-Marvel as a result of Disney acquiring Lucasfilm and the 20th Century Fox library, and many of its big creator-owned properties have ended. It's a shadow of what it once was. Valiant got bought out by Acclaim Entertainment and suffered financial issues that shuttered it for years, and has only been making a comeback in recent times. Malibu got shut down after Marvel bought it out. DC shut down all of their imprints besides Vertigo, which went from being one of their crown jewels to being a non-entity. Topps, Warren, Defiant, NOW Comics, Maximum Press, Awesome Entertainment, and countless other publishers have bitten the dust over the years. CrossGen, the Florida-based publisher that tried to take on DC and Marvel in the early 2000s, died a swift death a few years later and got bought out by Disney (and their artists picked up by Marvel). Really, the only publishers of note that have shown any real endurance are three fairly recent ones: Zenoscope, Dynamite and IDW. Beyond that, it's gotten much, much harder for new companies to get any traction or really develop into powerhouses in the current market.

It should also be mentioned that companies like Zenoscope, IDW, and Dynamite are getting by in large part by emulating what made Dark Horse such a force in the '90s. Creator-owned material. Licensed comics. And in Zenoscope's case, reinventions of public domain fairy tales. All of this is well and good in and of itself, but it's not really the stuff of major players in today's market. Don't get me wrong: properties like Star Trek, He-Man (currently split between DC and Dark Horse), Transformers, GI Joe, My Little Pony, Flash Gordon, The Shadow, The Lone Ranger, Zorro, and The Green Hornet are deservedly iconic and long-lived, and I'm all in favor of them being comic book staples. But those properties frequently go into periods of hibernation from version to version, and no one version lasts indefinitely. It's all well and good that IDW's made its fame with My Little Pony, but what happens when it's time for that property to go back to sleep? What happens to Dynamite when their versions of The Shadow and The Green Hornet run their course? You can't build your brand purely on licensed material. It's partly why Dark Horse got hit so hard by Disney buying out Lucasfilm and the Fox library. And in today's smaller, more monopolistic comics landscape, the '90s Dark Horse model isn't enough to make you a powerhouse on par with the Big 2.

(And if current rumors of IDW possibly shuttering its comic book operations and going full Hollywood end up coming true, it'll be yet another publisher going down...and again, more attrition for the comic book industry.)

Now, it can be argued that part of the reason Image and so many other companies fell off when the comic book boom ended is that they'd banked themselves too much on popular trends of the era. Big Titty Bad Girls, Big Gun Pouch-Wearing Vigilantes, trading on flashy art over quality writing, attempting DC/Marvel-style event-gimmicks with characters nobody knew or cared about...all of that's true. I can't and won't make excuses for that. But in an age where digital and social media dominate, there's no excuse for comics to be so closed off, so hard to find, or so hard to break into. The equal parts country-club-and-echo-chamber setup of the current comics industry certainly benefits the major publishers and their major players of choice, but it also curtails any real chance of new blood making a splash and reinventing the game. It's not uncommon for indie or small-press creators to make their living hustling on social media and on the convention circuit. And sometimes it pays off; husband-and-wife team Adam Withers and Comfort Love (The Uniques, Rainbow in the Dark) have been very successful at that, even racking up Harvey Award nominations. But again, it's the artificially high barrier to entry imposed by the Diamond monopoly that's the issue. Not everyone can get in, and unless you can get into Diamond's Previews, you're going to have a hell of a time getting your comics out there. And since the industry is still staunchly brick-and-mortar, that's another added hurdle.

And it's not just small-press or indie creators who face these problems. Established industry talent who've been shed by DC and Marvel often have trouble getting their books published, often turning to crowdfunding instead. Sometimes it pays off handsomely (Tom Grummett's upcoming Section Zero, Steven Butler's John Aman: Amazing Man), sometimes it hits the skids (Kieron Dwyer's proposed West Portal). Unless you're the current flavor of the moment, it's far from a given that long-standing comics creators can see their projects to fruition. Again, that's down to the atrophy of the comics industry and the impact of the distribution monopoly. Because it's shrunken so much, become so biased in favor of the major publishers, and abandoned any notion of being accessible to a wider audience, even industry talent with years – hell, decades – of work to their name have a difficult time getting a green-light for their projects, and have to rely on the crapshoot that is crowdfunding. And even at that, while you might get some really good individual works, it's still not going to be nearly enough to challenge the Diamond monopoly, much less present an alternative to the dominance of the Big 2.

So much of the state of the industry makes little sense when viewed in context of today's digital age. There shouldn't be such a huge barrier to entry for new creators. It shouldn't be so hard for established talent to get their projects green-lit. It shouldn't be so damn hard, especially in the age of digital media, for indie and small-press works to find wide distribution. And it definitely shouldn't be impossible for a new comics company to rise up and take the industry into the future, since DC and Marvel won't. But that's where we're at. Even the distribution model is over two decades out of date, and as a monopoly it's unfairly stacked against anything but entrenched industry players. No real opportunity for growth, no real opportunity for change, just the prolonging of an ever-shrinking echo chamber stuck decades in the past.

[taesthetes]

Hey I just need to get something off my chest and idk why I’m dumping this all on u but u seem like the nicest person on tumblr that I know but if ur uncomfortable or anything pls feel free to look over this. Lately I’ve been trying to stay away from bts and the fandom bc I feel like it’s toxic for me. It’s not like where I listen to them and follow them and obsess on a religious level but I feel like I’m more occupied w them than I should be. 1/?

After all they’re all just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, yet we idolize them and depend on them for our happiness. Of course we should support them, but it’s to the point where it’s frickin ridiculous, like nothing exists without bts, u know what I mean? 2/?

And I’m at the point of life where t depends on me to make my own decisions and make choices that will shape my future, and I really don’t want to look back and regret wasting time watching videos and thinking about things that will essentially have no impact on my life. What I like about bts is that they seem to have a deeper motive behind just simple Kpop, but I think I’ve taken that too far to an extent where it’s become my excuse. 3/?

Bts are seven people who have worked hard to deserve recognition and truly deserve it, but they’re also seven men who have separate lives from me that I have nothing to do with. They’re people that I’ve never even met and I don’t know tbh, we only see the filtered and edited sides of them. It just feels wrong to look at the packaged versions of them and expect them to live up to my expectations or fantasies. 4/?

There’s also the aspect that they’re kpop idols, as in regardless of how different and unique they may be, they’re still going to follow the formula and act like idols who are polished and made as perfect as possible. The whole industry is based on us going crazy over their looks and dance and singing and whatever, and it’s so messed up to me that we r supposed to like them for something so superficial and in genuine. 5/?

Idk if I’m making a lot of sense rn. I just don’t think it’s right of me to force them into a mold that I’ve created in my mind and then get disappointed when they don’t comply, and expect them to be something different when this whole time, even I’ve been idolizing them based on their appearance and talents. 6/?

And then there’s the fandom, filled with a variety of people from all different backgrounds, races, ages, genders, etc. and while it’s cool to have something in common with someone, I’m just tired of having army be the only thing that defines me. When I meet someone that likes bts, it’s as if I personally don’t matter, like it doesn’t matter if I killed someone as long as I like bts. 7/?

I don’t know how to phrase this … the diversity and tolerance is amazing, but at the same time, I’d like more genuine friendships than fangirling over someone’s biceps and thighs u know. Lately I’ve been kind of falling out of listening to bts and stuff, but I find myself continuously going on social media so I can keep up with them in habit, more than being interested. I deleted Twitter and unfollowed all bts accounts on insta and tumblr, but without it I feel like I’m missing something 8/?

It’s just a cycle of me trying to discipline myself, not being able to do it, and getting sick of myself for being so pathetic. Even with fanfic, ur writing for example is literally better than like an average author, but I feel so stupid to fantasize about someone without even knowing them first. I don’t have a problem with fanfic, it’s more like I have a problem with myself reading fanfics. 9/?

I know most of my problems lie with myself, not bts or the fandom, so that’s why I’ve tried to bottle it up and pass it on but it’s really making me miserable. I know going to a fanfic author who I don’t know personally may not be the best idea, so pls don’t feel pressured by this message to do anything or say something. I think writing out my feelings and venting has made me feel a little better. 10/11

So I’m really really sorry for forcing this on you, and don’t feel obligated to do anything!! Thank u for ur amazing writing like always, and have a restful and amazing day!!! 11/11

hi, honey bee, it’s totally okay to talk to me about anything you want and also, you’re incredibly sweet for thinking that i’m the nicest person on here, thank you :’) but i really understand how you feel towards the whole fandom and bts.

yes, bts are just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, but rather than idolizing them, it’s perfectly okay to like them for who they are as people and for the music they produce. it’s okay to appreciate someone for the work they do, like how we enjoy artwork and appreciate the artist for creating them or how we like the flowers planted in the park and appreciate the gardener for planting them.

i wouldn’t say that my happiness depends completely on them, but they do make up a little part of it because their music makes me happy. and music is supposed to make you feel things. their funny videos can make you happy, and that’s okay, too. i see stanning bts as a hobby i enjoy at times, not as my only source of happiness, because there’s so much more that makes me happy, like flowers, food, art, etc. however, depending on one thing for happiness is unhealthy, so i do agree that an obsession with bts is bad. there’s nothing wrong with supporting them, but yes, having a mindset that only bts exists is unhealthy. i just found this post that better explains how stanning a group is good and bad through the psychological point of view, and it’s pretty interesting! :D

i don’t think you’re wasting time watching videos of them. if they made you happy at the time, if they made you laugh when you were sad, then it was worth it. unless you’re choosing to watch videos 24/7 and neglecting your family, friends, academics, job, health, etc. then i don’t think it’s necessarily bad that you’re watching videos. it’s like watching your favorite tv shows or playing sports. it’s just another hobby. it has an impact on your life because it makes you happier.

i do understand your concern though as you move into a new chapter of your life. personally, i’m not as into them as i once was back in high school anymore. i did spend a good deal of time writing and posting a fic about them once a week. it really changed when i went to college though since my priorities and time commitments changed. i think you might be more occupied with them when there isn’t something else to fill that aspect in your life if that makes sense? i wasn’t particularly academically simulated in high school, so i had a lot of time on my hands even after spending time with friends and doing clubs. i got into kpop because that’s something easily accessible and it’s entertaining. but with the freedom that comes with college and harder classes, my time is filled more with going out with friends, studying, painting, spending time with my roommates, etc. and bts got less of my time.

yes, bts are people with separate lives who you may never meet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate and like them for what they do. and, they might not show everything about themselves to the public, but we can learn from the good examples they do show, such as their UNICEF work and lyrics that talk about more than just romantic love. i personally think that most of what they show is genuine, but there is a line to be drawn between enjoying the work they do and believing they are gods. but yes, i do get that their personas to the public can be fake, which is a bit /: because yeah, there are people who are in love with them and dedicate their lives to them, but we really don’t know who bts actually are.

i think, rather than idolizing them, it’s better to see them as humans and as people just like us. that tends to take away any fantasies or expectations i have of them. yes, they are kpop idols, and that’s their job. they’re just working to make a living doing what they love. yes, the industry is built upon the fans, but it’s like that with any music artist or celebrity. i think it’s okay to like bts, but not to the point where your love for them surpasses the love you have for people who are actually in your life.

and you’re making sense, don’t worry! i hope my answer makes sense, too. i think every fan goes through where you’re at right now. i had felt that way about bts and exo before, but i moved on from that and now see them as people whom i appreciate. it was just a process for me, but i think it has to do with me filling my time with other things and spending time with people i thought were more important, and my love for kpop is now just something that brightens my day a bit if i ever need it.

some fans can be very… enthusiastic, but that might just be because they don’t have anyone else to talk to about bts. but yes, i get what you’re talking about. sometimes, it’s exhausting to just talk about one thing all the time and be seen as just a bts fan, and not as your own person. but even myself, i think it’s exciting to find someone else that listens to kpop since for me, there aren’t that many people around me who do. but after the initial excitement, i’ve made many friends through our mutual love for bts. as friendships grow, we talk about other interests we have and other things we like, so we don’t always talk about kpop. many of my friendships started from a mutual interest, whether it be bts or art or a mutual dislike for a teacher or class subject haha, but it grows from there as we talk about other things and get to know each other.

it’s fun to have someone to talk about comebacks and mv’s with, but yeah, i get that there’s more to talk about. maybe you can try introducing a new topic? or going out with friends who don’t listen to bts? and hey, we can be friends if you want :D you can talk to me about your day, your favorite foods, your favorite tv shows, any pets if you have them, anything else you want! i haven’t listened to bts for a while now either, i only follow their official account on instagram, and i don’t check my tumblr for days, even months during the school year. i don’t think you have to cut them out entirely to the point where you feel like something is missing. but if you are no longer interested in them, do you have any hobbies you can use to fill up that missing feeling? maybe baking or cooking? drawing? going out with friends?

and you are not pathetic!!! you don’t have to cut off something entirely at once. it takes time, but you’ll get there. and omg alsjdhflaksdhfd thank you for saying that about my writing :’) and there’s nothing wrong with reading fanfiction! please don’t feel bad for reading it. fanfictions are just like any other stories out there, except you already have a face and a name for some characters. i personally don’t read them for the idols featured; i read them because the writing is so much better and there are so many more interesting concepts involved in fics than in books i can get from the library. 

and please don’t keep your feelings bottled up and be miserable ): you can always come talk to me if you ever feel this way. and if you have one, we can swap kakaotalk id’s if you want to talk since it might be easier to text that way :) or you can send in more asks! it’s always good to talk about your feelings, even if it isn’t comfortable at first. even if it’s not me who you talk to in the future, i hope you are able to share your feelings with someone else and not keep everything inside. you deserve to feel happy. and i’m happy to hear that you’re feeling a little better! you’re always welcome to vent into my inbox (or you can direct message me; i have it turned off for those i don’t follow, but if you send me an ask with your url, i can message you first, so we can talk that way, too, if you want!)

you don’t have to apologize; i’m just very glad that you’re feeling at least a little better now! i understand that there’s a struggle that comes when you’re dealing with something that’s been a part of your life for so long. your feelings are valid, and i have definitely felt this way before, and it’s always good to talk it out or have someone listening. and thank you so much for liking and reading my writing, sweetpea 💕 i hope you have a lovely and relaxing day as well! i hope you’re doing good, and you’re still feeling better today, honey bee 🌻💘

[rosedalemike]

The Mood: Blog #5 "Perception/Loneliness”

written Sunday April 8th at 5:36 am     Ever wonder what others think about you? Not that you should care what others think about you, but do you ever sometimes just wonder if maybe you were a dick/bitch to that someone when you didn't mean to be- and then on the other hand- way too nice/generous to someone who probably just talks shit about you? It happens to me a lot. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm traveling around by myself.

     Not that anything specifically like that came up this week. I've just been thinking about it more as I've finally been poking my head out of my basement to get back out to play shows. Just kinda like 'what does this person actually think of me? Did they actually just enjoy this show? Would they actually listen to my music regularly?' Not that they need to respect me or anything for me to like them. And, needless to say, I'm extremely grateful they came out to support anyway. It just sometimes makes me ponder things like: who is my actual demographic? What makes our distracted generation listen to an artist regularly? How/why can I make a stranger who has no idea what I do be completely invested in my art yet people who have seen me grow this garden for years suddenly have zero interest in Rosedale?

      Maybe some of those answers are relatable to reasons why I enjoy being alone. I know that probably sounds really sad to most people but hear me out...     

     Intro to sidetrack: I got into this topic with a long time fan at tonight's show. She was thanking me for being so nice and always inviting her out to shows. I had to tell her 'if only you knew how many people block me for that same gesture' (see blog #4). She was genuinely pumping my tires pretty good. Don't get it twisted- her boyfriend was right there the whole time and he was also cool A-F, as the kids say...

      She went on to say how she used to hang out with Hedley years ago whenever they were in town and they were rude dicks. She couldn't fathom their conversations. As easy as it might have been for me to jump on the freshly-greased "Hate-Hedley" bandwagon (kinda punny if you watch Trailer Park Boys) It got me thinking that maybe, as humans, when we're in our packs we often come across as unwelcoming. Especially bands! The inside jokes, the anything-goes-ness, the gear-geak battles/bro-downs. Looking back, I'm sure Rosedale sure fit that shoe for years! And I'd imagine macho sports teams come off as even more unwelcoming to strangers. (there I go- generalizing again...)

     But it's all perception- How do we perceive their inside jokes and harmless offside humour? Maybe Hedley were total dicks a few years ago, maybe they're not anymore. All I know is nothing really surprises me and I think even some of my favourite people get offended out of perceived context- not easily, per say- just out of common, outside perception. I'm sure I could go even more south and throw in some President Trump examples here but that dude gets enough external spotlight. And to clarify (before I get me a page-full of political/social facts that I have 0 any interest in); I'm neither a Trump or a Hedley fan...or Nickleback, for that matter...but I'm also not a total hater. I'm just saying they're prime examples of how perception and context have some serious horsepower especially in our ever changing world of social media/open-broadcasting.     

     Here's a wider, more harmless example of the two sides of perception that's a little closer to home; my set at Hard Luck in Toronto last Saturday. There was a high energy and big crowd in the room right as I was setting up. I played an ok set, nothing remarkable in my mind. But a very rare thing was happening; Humans were turning into Rosedaliens right before my eyes! They were feeding off of my music in ways only artists on the radio can relate to! They were eating up the positive message and yelling positive messages right back! The vibe was bliss! Nobody cared what anyone in the room might think of them. The phones were only out for "Eldorado's Climax" or to record/snapchat/livestream! After the set people were buying all the merch! I must have taken 15 photos with fans and strangers! Signed a few posters and CDs! Young, hip humans were telling me their stories! My tires were pumped way past any psi they've ever seen! Etcetera!!!

     Then I played London Ontario at the legendary Call the Office on the same night of the week, same time... (The only difference with this given Saturday was that there was no Easter/Passover excuses in my inbox.) But there were a total of maybe 15 people there. They were standing 30 feet away of the stage. I played/sang/delivered by far the best Rosedale set so far this tour with a proud smile on my face and, although the other bands and their friends kinda danced and inched closer towards the stage, not a single CD or shirt left the merch bins. Nobody asked to take their photo with me. Come to think of it, I was even getting the whole "This-dude-needs-a-band" vibe.

      So why did the mediocre Toronto performance get a way better response than the solid London set? Or even the relatively strong Brampton set that we filmed. It seems like it had nothing at all to do with me. It was entirely based on the crowd's perception! My good friend, Jonny (who is pretty knowledgeable with live music/performance/production), came out to both the Toronto show and the Brampton show. Even his perception was completely altered by these energized, Toronto meat baffles! Jonny thought the Toronto set was better. “You’re ready! Epic, prolific,” were his and his Toronto company’s words. He wished I'd filmed the Toronto show instead of Brampton. Kind of off topic (but, really, why I used the term "meat baffles"); Jonny also said the sound was bad in Brampton (and so did his Brampton company) and much better in Toronto. Where-as Bryan and Danny...and my mom... said that Brampton was the better sounding Rosedale show (and they were all also at the Toronto show!)

      So just because I had a generous, high energy crowd in front of the stage in Toronto, I was worth something to everyone in the room. I even sounded better, in Jonny’s opinion. People wanted pictures, autographs, and merch because their perception of Rosedale was a promising one. Yet, I could play the same exact set on the same night, same time, in a more intimate setting with a more solid performance and have my picture, signature, and merch less desired than just a couple more drinks. The other two bands played amazing sets as well. I was actually, genuinely blown away, like, fanboying on Adelaide’s guitarist, getting chills from Mermaids Exist’s harmonies etc. But they too set up their merch table for nothing. It is a very common display of how people's perception is strongly influenced by the context of their surroundings.

      The only person, arguably, in the room who felt...in the presence of greats- was myself! I know I played a legendary set and I'm 100% certain that if Adelaide and Mermaids Exist keep slugging away like that- they're gonna come built-in to everyone's iPhone 12s!

     This “perception-check” is nothing new to booking agents. They no longer accept buy-ons. (Of course I've tried!) Money can't buy you happiness, or a loyal following. Agents, labels, and managers want their bands playing to full rooms only. Intimate shows (as in half empty capacity shows...yes, I took the pessimist approach) are only creating negative perceptions. If, by some stroke of Modesty-Miracles, some of these rock star agents did stumble into reading this, they were thinking "No shit, Shirlock. Stop playing small shows" 5 paragraphs ago. I'm just letting everyone else know; the artist is about 10% responsible for impressing/entertaining the audience. The other 90% is the context of that room and a good chunk of that context is just simply the amount of people there. (other smaller pieces of the pie; venue decor/layout, sound engineering, staff, house music ...to name a few.) Maybe all of this is very obvious to most people already. I just wish solving all the pieces of that pie were easy or at least in my hands. But the modern ratio still just seems crazy to me, growing up in the punk/emo scene.    

      I think maybe another reason it seems crazy to me ties back to the fact that I'm alone a lot. When I'm alone I have more of an open mind and agenda. I think this could be the case for most people. There was one guy at the near-empty London show who was jumping up and down during my set. He was alone and so stoked. He didn't care what anyone thought- a proud new fan! I threw a pick perfectly into his hands at the end of my near-perfect set (#pingofftheforehead, Toronto show inside joke). He's been messaging my instagram all day. He didn't buy merch (he might have if there was a big generous crowd there, though) but he signed up and watched all of my youtube videos today.

      I think most people actually have a better time traveling/exploring/wondering out by themselves than they realize. I believe you're more accepting of different environments and cultural differences when you're by yourself. You're taking it all in and enjoying it. You're making new friends out of strangers who have no knowledge of your history as you have no knowledge of theirs. You feel like you can open new chapters of your own book and appreciate the fresh pages they're showing you, and consider the context. You might be thinking "so-&-so would love this" but chances are, if "so-&-so" were there, you'd likely be missing this too while off hanging at the bar or whatever.

      When you have your crew/family/entourage beside you for every door you open, life can start to pass you by. You might be having a great time with them and jel with them like peas and carrots, but the element of wonder and discovery isn't quite the same. It's sometimes like an invisible stress and I'd even go as far as to say that it is the main reason why bands break up on their first tour. Bands aside though, I've heard first-hand stories of good friends traveling together that went through episodes where they were so pissed off with each other that they wouldn't even talk to one another for hours. Sure, it could be the simple fact that you're now living with this friend/band hour-by-hour on this trip (Egos clash, ideas vary, mistakes affect everyone, true colours flourish etc.) and you're stuck with them for the next however-many-days. But I'm certain that a group-of-friends/family/band living together in their hometown would go over way better than living together in a new city every night. And traveling with a significant other- well that's an entirely different blog for a different day.

      I'm not sure if any of this is proven or factual. This is just me rambling at 5:30 am after a show. Another thing I hear a lot is "Mike, you just haven't found the right “one”/bandmates/friends". Fair enough. But maybe I'm just your classic degenerate- I could just be a weird lonely dinosaur that likes to roam alone. #lonewolf. But I think all of that coincides with the original point I made about being a dick to someone you actually really like/love. We've all done it, I'm sure. The nicest human in the world can be passive/harsh without realizing it. But as much as I think butting heads is inevitable when you're living together in uncharted land, there are friends that manage to really understand me and at least aim to dodge my weird pet-peeves (ie. guitar cases on stage). Of course, they can't drop their established lives/commitments to come travel around with me for months. So maybe there are layers to my solo-ness. (...loneliness sounded too sad.) 

LYRIC PARTY: 

Chasing the sun isn't my kind of fun I'd rather sit and catch snowflakes on my tongue When summers gone I won't be sad As you cling on to all the good times that you've had 'cause being alone isn't really all that bad - The Ataris "If You Really Want To Hear About It"

     But really, even when there's no stranger's pages or culture shock to take in, I have some great times by myself that I wouldn't be able to have with most company around. I wouldn't be able to write this blog in my bed at 5:30am. I wouldn't be able to listen to my new demos and imagine them mixed like my latest releases with my Westones on my 2 hour drive home from London. That, in itself, could easily be considered insanely narcissistic. And so could this; I love hanging out with myself! We get along very well. My tastebuds can be pretty inconsiderate to my gut's needs, and my lower brain is not too happy with the way upper brain has been handling brief encounters with the opposite sex, but alas, we're working on it!

      Another thing I like about being alone is that I'm pretty sure people like me more. Whenever I have friends around, it's almost like nobody wants to help with anything. And when I'm "working" away on something, a stranger might say something like "where's your friends? Why don't they help you with that?" As if to say "you need better friends, dude." It's really odd but it happens a lot and those little events tend to commit-to-memory for whatever reason. Kinda like that long-red-light that never fails to time out your drive perfectly. (One of the few books I've actually finished reading, "Stumbling On Happiness" (Daniel Gilbert), describes this human condition a bunch... took me three years to finish that damn book.) 

LYRIC PARTY: "Hangman, it's not your fault Commit this to memory The bright ideas are wasted and lost along the way" - Motion City Soundtrack "Hangman" (I could've sworn {or swore??} he said "For bright ideas always get lost along the way" then I looked it up... didn't look up sworn/swore though.)      Anyway, I guess this late night, scatter brained blog wants you to consider the context and surroundings when formulating an opinion/perception. And look at loneliness in a bright light. There are many positives. Don't ignore all your friends and family by any means, I'm just saying; A lot of people fear loneliness like they're gonna die alone and they need company at all times. "Alone time" is your most productive time. And productivity, as vague a term, is probably the healthiest form of instant gratification. So do something productive towards your goals the next time you're alone. And while you're at it, open up a new chapter to that old friend you later get to hang out with...

     Yeah, this one was all over the place. Thanks for reading though. If you made it this far, you're a trooper and I love you. 

Shows this week: Wednesday, April 11th - Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks -  10:00 set time, 19+, $8 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/321180534953651/ Thursday, April 12th - Kingston, ON @ Bar 56 - 9:30ish set time, 19+ish, $10 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/368799986934799/     Friday, April 13th - Potsdam, NY @ Hurly's/SUNY Potsdam -  7:30 doors/ 9ish set time - All Ages , FREE https://www.facebook.com/events/363889120774025/ Saturday, April 14th - Rochester, NY @ Firehouse - 8:00 doors/10ish set time - 21 +, $5 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/568521663507443 Sunday, April 15th - Pittsburgh, PA @ The Smiling Moose - 7:00 doors/ 9:00 set time, 21+, $8 tickets**/ $10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/402443740204364/ Monday, April 16th - Cleveland, OH @ Grog Shop - 6:30 doors, 8:30 set time, ALL AGES, $8 tickets/$10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/163297504327206/

[samdukewieland]

Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 9

It was sometime during this week, very possibly the week before that I realized why egg-zacktly Mad Men has been so (”comforting” seems like a big word here, but let’s just say) comforting during this period of time. Well I guess there’s a couple of reasons, time being one of them: being able to escape to other peoples’ problems and not have them be (overtly) contemporary. The second just as obvious being that this show spends probably 95% of its settings indoors. Maybe once a season do you see these people outside for whatever reason; season 3 was probably the height of having scenes outdoors, between Sally’s teacher and those scenes and then the Roger/Jane Old Kentucky Home wedding. Surely I’ve been outside more hours than watching Mad Men these past 7 weeks, but at this point I don’t really know. Hasn’t made me want a cigarette, so that’s something.

Sunday, May 17

Sour Grapes, Rothwell & Atlas 2016 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Pretty neat little telling of rich people getting scammed. Definitely better than the Fyre Fest docs that came out last year, though you can see this as almost a model for it, however my problems with those are the same problem here, being I don’t really care that these insanely rich people got duped. I mean I care because it feels good, but rarely do you get someone in that position (especially from a financial standpoint) admitting they got duped or doing it in a way where they’re trying not to come across as a victim. And like I get it, I know that’s the point of some of these where it’s “look at their lack of self-awareness” but that’s not particularly satisfying. What’s satisfying is seeing the person do this and explain how they did it (the why is pretty obvious) and what their process is. You wouldn’t want to see a documentary about Terry Benedict having his casinos robbed and act like he doesn’t know why (I mean I would, because I invite almost anything from the Ocaen’s-verse, but you get my point).

Mad Men, “Collaborators”, “To Have And To Hold”, “The Flood”

Season 6, upon this viewing, appears to be the weakest or second to weakest season of the series; I don’t really know for sure. It’s definitely not bad, but lacks the sense of urgency to watch. It’s a little repetitive in some of its storytelling choices with Don, but does explore the motives of the men who want to be him, but lack that Dick Whitman/Don Draper drive that only he has (in the realm of Mad Men). Pete, not unlike Don, decides to keep up his habit of having an affair (with another married person too) and keeps it close to home feeling very in tune with Pete Campbell mentality: not seeing the dangers of shitting where he eats. Sure he keeps his affair to the confines of his Manhattan apartment, but it’s with a woman who not only lives in his neighborhood, but someone who is friendly enough with his wife. It backfires instantly and because no one has ever had a frank discussion with Pete about the consequences of his actions, this might be the first time Pete has actually had to learn a lesson. But because no one talks him through “this is where you messed up and this is how you can become a better and bigger person from this” it almost feeds his outwardly victimhood. Once again, props to Vincent Kartheiser for playing Pete Campbell perfectly for 6 straight seasons (and beyond). 

And here’s something Season 6 decides to ponder: how about Bobby Draper? How about Bobby Draper deals with the assassination of MLK through seeing Planet Of The Apes? Probably the toughest look Mad Men took in its run (besides Hamm losing every year to Cranston for best actor) that it totally asks for.

The Last Dance, Parts 9 & 10

The end. This thing went out how it lived: absurdly entertaining while still being confounding in what it decided to say and how to present itself. There’s probably a lot to be taken from it, but my brain will forever linger on “eat the pizza.” (partly due to The Ticket, partly due to it being one of the funniest lies I’ve ever been told) Also I’m not a Pearl Jam listener (this genre of rock is my absolute biggest blind spot), but uh, that song’s pretty cool that they played there at the end; good sports montage moment-reminded me of a montage to close out a season of The Wire. No “Right Here, Right Now” though.

Monday, May 18

Circus Of Books, Mason 2019 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Pleasant enough li’l entry of history about an important cultural landmark in LA; it really banks on the notion of “you’d never assume these people run this store” which isn’t ineffective. But it doesn’t come from an impartial place, it comes from the daughter of the store owners, which you could argue makes her the most qualified person to tell this story. But when your subjects are so unassuming and almost bothered by your insistence to tell this story it comes across as more (unintentionally) uncomfortable rather than trying to prove a point. But that’s kind of the looming question over all of this too-what’s the point? The titular bookstore closed last year, implying that there’s importance to this instantaneously being a historic document, when really it’s just a love letter to your parents and also your brother to tie it together just a little bit nicer.

Mad Men, “For Immediate Release”

The episode where it starts to find its footing again; as interesting an idea as it is to separate Don and Peggy on paper, the execution leaves so much to be desired. Peggy needs a force to push up against and while I’m sure she might have with Jim Cutler, but that’s not super interesting. Teaming up Ted and Don, maybe the only person to respect Don as an artist, but openly questioning his method to him on the show and not taking his excuses at face value.

Tuesday, May 19

Platoon, Stone 1986

Yeh, I don’t think I like Oliver Stone movies. I think I like the ideas of them, but ultimately I just don’t think it’s a match (heartbreaking for him). Part of this was I was on a massive Apocalypse Now high chose this as a chaser for that, which is mistake, and I knew this as I was watching. Or maybe it’s just that, explicitly, Vietnam movies set out to punish you for watching them, both in trying so hard to prove its authenticity while still being heavy-handed in other regards. Oliver Stone kind of feels like your cousin who insists on telling you that Dr. Strangelove is *actually* a farce and satire (yeh, I’ve used this before-guess what, it’s happened to me).

Mad Men, “Man With A Plan”, “The Crash”

Mad Men does its Sopranos karaoke best when drugs are involved, plain and simple. Though truly wild and Tony Soprano-levels of insanity when Don forces Lindsay Weir Sylvia to stay in that hotel room for like two days straight (or maybe a day, I don’t remember).

Wednesday, May 20

Blown Away, Hopkins 1994

I can 100% guarantee you that the only reason I thought I should see this movie is because it’s been lodged in my brain and marked as “important?” because Bill Simmons mentioned it offhandedly in a podcast once saying it’s a “_____ Boston movie.” So when I was scrolling through local listings, as I’m wont to do, and I saw that it was on, almost like a Pavlovian response, I immediately hit set to record. I’ve fallen for the trap of “record movie that should only be watched if it just happens to be on-do not go out of your way to watch it” and this is just the latest entry into it. This thing’s a quintessential dad-movie that has a wayyyy better poster than it should. I should probably be mad that I watched it, but this thing is so beautifully stupid that I’d be betraying myself by acting like it isn’t entirely in my wheelhouse. I was just happy to see the marble machine pop back up when it did.

Mad Men, “The Better Half”

“Hey, uh....how about Bobby goes to Bible Camp and we just use that as an excuse to bring Don and Betty back together for a one-night fling? Yeh, I think it’s pretty good too.” Tough break for the loss of Abe, though-they always kept him far enough to want you wanting more of him, which was probably the right decision, ultimately.

Hearts Of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse, Bahr & Hickenlooper & Coppola 1991

Was this good for Coppola’s image in 91? It’s coming kind of off the heels of Godfather III, which is maybe the most damning way to start off a decade. Maybe the biggest knock against this is that there’s probably still a lot unsaid, or the thing that’d be better is if you could’ve been a fly on the wall during the actual production or the editing of the documentary.

Thursday, May 21

S Is For Stanley, Infascelli 2016 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

You have to wonder if the Kubrick estate was pulling some strings to have this made as a preemptive strike against Filmworker. Yeh, yeh, we all know Stanley was difficult (man geniuses tend to be!) but what if I told you that he had a friendly side with his sweet old Italian driver who he kind of held hostage? I guess because Emilio D'Alessandro had the benefit of not working directly on the movies/Art Kubrick was making a professional/personal distance was able to be established. It’s cute and charming (small, old Italian men have that effect on me)-there’s not much more you should demand of it.

Mad Men, “A Tale Of Two Cities”, “Favors”

Sopranos karaoke meets coke part from Annie Hall. Then maybe the most traumatic thing to happen to Sally Draper, rivaled by the most traumatic thing to happen to Pete Campbell (via Peggy relaying info). Though I will say, those small moments between Peggy and Pete, moments we don’t get a lot of, are so nice, because it is one of the few times this show’s characters are stripped of trying to have an upper hand. Honesty between people, not Mad Men’s bread and butter (it has never sought to be), but they know how to serve it up in small enough doses that you don’t take them for granted when they happen.

Friday, May 22

Chinatown, Polanski 1974

Weird how no one talks about this movie being incredible. Glad I can be at the forefront for this, clearly, little seen flick and champion it as much as possible! With that said, knife to the nostril is a very real new fear for me.

Top Chef, Season 17 episode 10

If I were a person who cared about the olympics I could see myself either being very melancholy or furious after this episode. Fine challenge, though not totally surprising. I dunno man, you gotta imagine how annoyed these contestants get every time Malarkey outlives them-or at the very least incredibly tickled by it. Looking forward to binging Last Chance Kitchen before this next week’s ep.

Mad Men,  “The Quality Of Mercy”

The Ken Cosgrove eyepatch is such a weird choice, but not altogether terrible. Hard to take a guy with an eyepatch seriously, which is probably the reason they gave it to Ken, because no one in that office does. The Bob Benson is a fraud reveal is fascinating in the sense of the writers trying out an experiment of “what if Don Draper but different job” though far more obvious. And what perfect symmetry having Pete find out from Duck (the man who thought he’d be able to use this information against Don and the man who, at the top of his game, absolutely could’ve used it against Don) about Bob and learned his lesson from 5 years ago and knowing how to use that information to his benefit (the setup to it is still pretty good, because I reacted this time the same way I did in 2014 with “oh Pete, you are dumb as hell” forgetting what the reveal is).

Saturday, May 23

Cast Away, Zemeckis 2000 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Somehow made it as long as I did without having seen Cast Away and it’s pretty good and also maybe the first time a Zemeckis movie gives worth to its character being (almost) extraordinary? Like in almost all his movies these characters kind of stumble into this otherworldly, almost other plane, level of humanity and ability; there tends to be a lot of right place at the right time with his main characters. So I had no idea that Cast Away flash forwards 4 years in the middle of its story (I’m kind of amazed with how little I knew about the bigger plot points of this movie, like no idea that it takes place in 1995 to start off) and not just making him instantaneous amazing hermit-man. It’s a fun movie, though I’m sure if I’d seen this in high school or early college I’d be all in a huff because of the whales, which is clearly just Zemeckis not being able to help himself. Whatever, pretty good and I’m glad he and Helen Hunt don’t end up together (though it does raise an incredible hypothetical). Though if you’re throwing a “welcome back from nowhere” party to a guy, wouldn’t you want to stick to specifically turf food as the delicacy you deliver to him? Like you’re already in Memphis, which is a pretty suspect location to have crab-give the man some BBQ, something without a shadow of a doubt he didn’t have access to on a deserted island.

Mad Men, “In Care Of” [season 6 finale], “Time Zones” [season 7A premier], “A Day’s Work”, “Field Trip”

The birth of “Not Great Bob!” truly a landmark. Season 6 is weird, it’s all a build-up, but Don’s descent has been going on for so long it’s hard to pinpoint what led to it all (maybe his divorce with Betty? Signing a contract? Anna passing away? there are so many chaos dominoes on the table that contribute to it all). Man needs therapy or to be reminded of who he is or how he got here. He’s brought down several, several pegs and he stays there and lingers in it, but he’ll be dammed if he isn’t loyal till the bitter end, or at least loyal to what he can be in control of and what he cares about (he does not care about Megan’s acting, though he does care about Megan and how much of her life he has put on halt).

Minority Report, Spielberg 2002 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Steven Spielberg makes perfect Saturday movies. This is the sort of thing that if you had put it in anyone else’s hands it’d be without that crucial Spielberg twinge of hope or love that is the motivation behind its lead’s actions. It’s fun and pulpy and washed out and dark and takes Spielberg back to his feature debut: it’s a chase movie. It’s almost 2½ hours that flies by. 

[goddessofphilosophy]

The Opening of the National 9/11 Memorial & Museum was a success. Visitors flocked from all over the country. There were a lot of millenials who were admiring the exquisite works of art depicting the terrorist attack that robbed some lives, fifteen years ago. The New York Times didn't miss how Andréas empathized with the survivors. He even called Hyacinth on the stage and introduced her as the biggest influence in his life who made him a better person simply by loving him right. She was extremely delighted at his bold declaration of affection in front of an audience, it was the first time. She kissed his cheek and this was the photo in the headline of the newspaper the next day, in a special edition. Hyacinth has taken cared of their family's publicities by controlling the media. She was after all the Chief Operating Officer of The New York Times. This helped them maintain their social status and protect their secret. Any of her family members was never under the scrutiny of the public eye. And this is how they have managed to live peacefully in New York City. A few celebrities and politicians tarried to exhange pleasantries with them. Some are Hyacinth's clients when she was still a full-time attorney at the law firm, before she passed on the leadership position to Leah. There were also business partners of the Houghton Enterprise and Descartes Corporation. They were all glad the proceeds will be donated to charity. Druella, Astoria, and Amberleighn were too busy with Fashion Week and never had the luxury of time to take even just a glimpse of the artworks. Keeva dropped by on the fourth day, congratulated her parents and updated them about the whereabouts of their grandkids. Later that day, Annicka freshly arrived from the airport and brought Japanese goodies. The Descartes-Houghton couple had to excuse themselves and go home early in order for Annicka to rest. On their way back to the Descartes Mansion, Hyacinth received an e-mail from Andrei, her youngest son. Andrei Heinrich is currently finishing his degree in Psychology in Harvard University located in Cambridge, Massachussets. He is a bright kid, graduating this semester, after only three years. There was no need to hurry but he was so excited to take Masters and Doctorate degrees while practicing his profession. And she was way too supportive in acheiving his dreams. Andrei: Hey Mom! Thanks for arranging our accomodation at The Ritz Paris. You're the best! Our flight's tomorrow afternoon. I know you're too busy, don't surprise me at the airport. THAT IS UNNECESSARY. It's funny I don't miss Paris at all. How many years has it been since we left? And oh yeah, how was it being the curator at the 9/11 memorial museum? Haha! Just kidding! Tell pops I'm proud of him. Love you both. She read it silently and asked herself the same question: How many years has it been since they left? How many years had passed since he returned in their lives? How many years had gone since she sold that apartment full of Andrei's childhood memories? She never came back to Paris. She wants to forget what happened in Paris. Andi realized her change in demeanor, "Who was it?" She needed to repress her emotions, "Oh it's Andrei. He said he's proud of you," and smiled. "So is he coming to visit on Friday after his class?" "I don't think so," she responded leisurely. Before he can ask why, they were already home. Fortunately or unfortunately, she didn't have to explain ... yet. Annicka went straight to her room and reminded them to wake her up for dinner, "I've been missing family dinners for such a long time!" She had three hours to sleep. It was too early to retire but Hyacinth wasn't feeling well. She also went straight to bed after kicking off her shoes. She decided to send a reply to her son. Hyacinth: No worries, not coming at the airport, you spoiled brat! Never knew being a curator is so much fun! Are you sure you don't want to drop by and see the paintings for yourself? Enjoy your weekend at Paris! Call me when you get there. Missing you! We love you too! xx After checking her other notifications, she placed the phone in her bedside drawer. She was staring at the elegant ceiling when Andi laid beside her. The silence was defeaning yet comforting. He stretched his arm to cuddle and kissed her shoulder. Then he whispered, "Thank you." He wanted to say more. He wanted to say thank you for supporting him in this project, for understanding the nature of his work, for patiently waiting for him to come back home, for giving him another chance, and for giving him a wonderful family. Truthfully, the list is endless. "No, thank you," she responded fervently. "You were saying Andrei won't be able to come and visit, why?" "He's going to Paris this weekend," she stated, a little bit worried because Andrei is such a playboy. "Why is he going to Paris though?" "I honestly don't know but that's the trend nowadays: millenials exploring the world." "Alright. It's good he wants to see the world like you do. But who's he with?" "With his friends, I guess." "Where is he staying?" "At The Ritz, I've booked their rooms." "Doesn't he want to stay at your apartment there? Where he grew up?" That was it. She was done entertaining his questions. He didn't know she sold the property. She remembered the last night she was in Paris with a six-year old Andrei. Hyacinth loved Paris the most. She had countless happy memories of his father in its lovely streets. Nothing compared to the magnificence of Paris, not Madrid or Prague or Amsterdam or London. She loved the gothic churches and the legends behind their names. She loved the museum and the rich culture they hold dear. She loved the history of the courageous people inhabiting the city, how they fought for liberty. She used to love Paris more than anything in this world. And that love was tainted with misery when she returned with a baby inside her womb, fatherless. Andrei was frustrated they had to move, "Why are we going to New York City, Mommy?" She was restless, "To see your father." "But why can't he come here to see us?" She was taken back and stopped what she was doing. It was an innocent question from a little boy and she didn't know how to respond. "Come here," she instructed him. She hugged him tight and whispered, fighting back tears, "Because he can't." "But Mommy, he can't just be my father when it's convenient for him. So why did he abandon us? Why isn't he here with us? I have never seen him all my life. Is that how it works? He can leave and come back when he wants to? What if he leaves us again?" She was speechless. It was overwhelmingly heartbreaking to hear those words from her son. "Why don't you ask your son?" she snapped, walked away and slammed the door behind her. Andrèas was utterly shocked at her reaction. He tried to follow her but she was gone. She took her car with her but she forgot to bring her phone. Good thing she had spare shoes in her car. She went to the law firm and was greeted by one of the interns. She learned that Leah was still on a meeting so she decided to leave a note for her. Meet me at The Raines Law Room, it says. Urgent. While waiting for Leah, several men offered her drinks and struck a conversation. She was so used it: boys thinking she isn't married, without kids, still in college or recently joined the workforce. They were bewitched by her beauty. She politely turned down each one of them if they ask her to go somewhere else, "I can't, I'm waiting for somebody." After an hour, Leah finally arrived. "I have ten missed calls from Andi. What happened?" she asked, making it sound like Hyacinth did something wrong. "Stop accusing me of starting trouble in paradise for once," Hyacinth retorted. "Damn it, Cinth," she glared at her. "Just talk to him, okay? You are smarter than me, my goodness!" Hyacinth suddenly felt stupid she went to Leah but who else would she confide with? Of course, Andi knew all the possible places she might go to or all the people she would contact. They were both silent for a moment. Maybe she just needed time to think, Hyacinth thought. She requested for two glasses of white wine to the bartender and handed a glass to her friend, "Sometimes I wonder why I married him, despite his being away all the time." Leah sighed, she knew Hyacinth needed someone to listen, not comfort her or tell her what to do. "Sometimes I wonder if he's only doing those sweet gestures as an apology, to make up for all those years he was not around. Do you think he'd leave us again? Is he doing it on purpose? But why? It's just a matter of time, Leah. I better be prepared this time if one day he doesn't come back, right? All those years I asked myself if I failed to read the signs. I kept wondering what I did wrong. Am I not a good wife? "Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to take him back. I was fine in Paris with Andrei. I was damn fine on my own, without him. But my mother kept telling me how important family is. She's so traditional it's bothersome sometimes. I can't blame my mother though, after what he put me through, he was still the only person I loved so damn much. "Sometimes I wonder what if I aborted Andrei then? We won't have any reason to stay together. I can say to all our friends that our marriage failed. That we loved each other but it wasn't meant to be. That love was never enough and we couldn't make things work. That some things are meant to fail. And people like me can't have it all. "Sometimes I wonder if I should file a divorce. He would probably hire you as his lawyer. And Leah, remember this, that if you accept his demand, our friendship is over. I will take the law firm back. But then I see him with my siblings and my mother, how he respects them and think where would I get someone better than him?" It was not new to Leah that Hyacinth keeps on blabbing when she's so upset. Overthinking is her drug. She could practically finish a novel. "Are you done with your declamation piece? Here's your husband on the other line," she handed the phone to her. "Hello?" Silence. "Hello, love?" Silence. "Where are you?" She was both surprised and irritated he asked. "Love, please." No, she won't cry. "I can hear you breathing, please." She needed to stand her ground. "Talk to me, please." How does one stop the tears from falling, she thought. She did not want to say a word. She did not want him to know she was crying. "Just please come back home," he was pleading. And she did. She faintly smelled of alcohol but he didn't mind. "I prepared dinner, your favorite," he smiled sheepishly. She wanted to say she's sorry. She's sorry she can't forget the things she needed to forget when she kept forgetting where she put her glasses or her phone or her keys. She's sorry she's still afraid he'd leave them one day, for good. Also, she's sorry, no matter how trivial it is, that she doesn't know how to cook. But she didn't say a word and they both ate in awkward silence.

[mortisarc]

Hey I saw your art post but I was wondering how exactly Louis, a straight man, has helped you come to terms with your sexuality and gender. I'm just curious.

Hiya Anon! Firstly, I’m just gonna say that you’re the first Anon I’ve ever got, so you’ll have to excuse me if my answer doesn’t come across very clearly, but I’m gonna try to be as honest as possible.

I’m a Larry shipper, so I believe that Louis is gay, or at least not straight. Take note of the ‘believe’ part. I’m not saying he strictly is what I claim him to be, nor that he isn’t. I haven’t met him, nor will I probably ever, so I can’t know for sure. I’m aware that he has ‘said’ he’s straight before, but that was on a social media platform that he probably doesn’t have complete control over, as with most of his promo and public narrative. Either way, I chose to believe Louis is gay based on evidence I find valuable. Other’s value other forms of evidence, but again none of us can know for absolute certain that he’s never had a thought that was a bit gay or a bit straight in regards to finding someone else attractive.

In this way, Louis’ sexuality, for me, is like Schrodinger’s cat, simultaneously gay and straight, and possibly something in between, all at the same time.

If you look at the Straight Louis narrative that you believe, I can understand why you’d be curious as to what part of that helped me to come to terms with my sexuality and gender crisis. It’s easier to say what the Gay Louis narrative has done to help me (having a gay role model who is surviving against the homophobic entertainment industry, made me feel braver about my handling my own issues) but as you believe he’s straight, I will answer for your perception of Louis.

Straight Louis has had to deal with gay rumors for ages but he’s almost always been nice about answering them. Sure the ‘bullshit’ tweets were cruel, but again, I don’t trust his social media much. Even if it was him though, it wasn’t much of an explosion against gay people, just the Larries, and he’s since said he doesn’t mind what they think or something along those lines. He’s not homophobic.

He supports people who are marginalized and struggling with themselves all the time, with his charity work and when he meets people in person, when he’s out and about. There have been many stories of people meeting him and thanking him for helping them figure out their gender or sexual identity, and he never gets angry or attacks them for it, he always seems super nice and encourages them to be who they want to be. These stories may be true or false but they’re the kinds of things I want to believe about both Straight and Gay Louis, so I will. Even looking at the effort that went into the Just Like You lyric video, it’s clear to see that he cares a lot about all minorities represented in the background articles.

People in the LGBT+ community like me don’t need Grand Gay Gestures to feel included or happy to be ourselves. Louis’ quiet but constant support, regardless of his sexuality, has been really inspiring to many people. I grew up with Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis that entails visiting the hospital often and taking lots of medication weekly, and when I started to doubt my sexuality and cis gender, it freaked me out, big time. I was depressed and suicidal at the prospect of something else ‘weird’ to add to the list of medical issues and oddities I already had. Seeing Louis and the strength he held consistently in the face of everything he’s struggled with, from people walking out on his family to untrue rumors (either rumors about him dating his best friend or simultaneously rumors about him dating other girls) to his lack of control over his life to his mother’s death, this all pushed me to accept and move on from my own problems and be there for others going through similar things.

No matter what we think about his sexuality, I think that we can all agree that, generally, he’s an awesome human being. And think of it this way, if an ‘imaginary Gay Louis’ has inspired so much happiness in people, without ‘real Straight Louis’ having to lift a finger, surely that’s all the more impressive. This fandom has evolved into a massive coping mechanism to deal with life’s shit, and it’s all down to one guy (or three or four more guys too if you want to include the rest of the band).

Anyway, I think I answered your question, Anon, though I went on quite a long-winded tangent to get there. I hope this clears up any confusion you had. :) 

[anothermindofwonder]

Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches. Endless hours spent at the library, looking out the window at the red, orange, green-fading-yellow trees and the children running around, while having a hot mug of tea wrapped in my hands have been some of the many ways I have been spending my autumn.

Each season has a special part about it that I love, but Autumn is definitely the most visually pleasing.  It’s been the most peaceful time so far this year despite how much busier I have been. I’ve been able to explore new things, new ideas, thoughts, and found gems to share:

  Venetia Berry – I only found Venetia on Instagram a few days ago, and her art captured me. It’s simple, and complicated. Her website contains more of her art if you want to look at it more.

Dead Poets Society – The first time I watched this was last year. I didn’t appreciate it enough and knew I hadn’t, which is why when I saw it on Netflix on the night of my birthday, I sat up until 11 p.m. on a Thursday night with my thai food and cake, knowing that I had school the next day. Robin Williams was a master in his craft, and the entire story that is told in this film, is tragically beautiful.

  You Are A Badass – This has become my bible. I have been obsessing over this book to several of my friends. There is so much that this book talks about that I hold to myself. It is empowering, guiding, nurturing, and eye opening to all the excuses we make and silly, dumb, little things that we do that hold us back from thriving. Highly highly highly recommend picking up this book.

The Mothers – A secret romance leading to an unexpected problem, with lingering conflicts after its cease. The first book I couldn’t put down in a long time. Bennet’s writing style is capturing, and simplistic, and her story is obsessive.

Lolita – Such a controversial book; beautifully written, a great masterpiece by Vladimir Nabokov, but the topic is so messed up. But so good, but so wrong. I felt very conflicted while reading this, but loved it at the same time.

The Princess Saves Herself In This One – I spent an hour sitting on the cold shiny floor of Target reading Amanda Lovelace’s collection of poetry, and though I haven’t read it all, I know I am going to really enjoy it from the few that I have already read. Her story is heart-wrenching and capturing, and her words are beautiful.

  Mom jeans – You know the jeans: high waisted, loose, and the most comfortable, fashion sensible piece of clothing ever. Finally got myself four pairs at the thrift shop and they are now one of my favorite things I own.

Red – Lipstick, nails, sweaters, pens, the leaves contrasting against the crisp, blue sky— this color has been haunting me everywhere. It has become a staple to my wardrobe, and is now “my” color. With my blue eyes, it brings a lot of depth to my face that I love, and all I have to put on is a dark or bright red lipstick, and I am ready to go.

A bold lip – Just pop on a bold liquid lipstick, some mascara, put the lipstick in my bag, and I am out the door, and looking good.

  Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 –  This musical album has consumed my autumn, and it feels so nice to fall back in love with a Broadway musical after so long. I cannot express how many times I have played “Dust and Ashes” over and over and over. It’s stunning, and Josh Groban’s voice is a masterpiece; the cast is complex, diverse, and unique; the entire musical is beautiful. Highly, highly recommend taking a listen to this. My favorite songs are ‘Dust and Ashes’, ‘Charming’, ‘Letters’, and ‘No One Else’.

Dear Hank and John – A funny, random podcast where they answer strange, obscure questions with the best advice they can scrape together. Walking down red and orange leaf-pasted sidewalks, earbuds in while cars pass by in a faint hum, it’s been my favorite thing to listen to for entertainment.

Iron and Wine – In preparation to seeing him in concert next weekend, I have been listening to his new album, ‘Beast Epic’, almost everyday. It’s great for background music, or to play at night, or to just sit with earbuds in, laying on your bed, and closing your eyes, and just listening to.

Slowing down – Despite all of the things I have done this season (which is a lot more than normal), I have finally slowed down and been able to be productive and take in life at the same time. Take a break to breathe, look at the world around you, put time into your work, and suddenly you begin to truly admire each day you live through and all that you do. Life gets too loud at times, too congested, and too fast. Take time to sit and breathe and think, truly listen to people, look at what is around you. Just for a moment.

Playing ukulele – Since school started, I’ve been learning how to play the ukulele as a class, and I have fallen in love with being able to create music. So much so that I have already written a song, and found a ukulele to call mine.

Thrifting – This is one of my favorite things to do now because 1. it’s cheap and affordable and 2. it is amazing for the environment and 3. the clothing there is unique. Rarely will you find someone else with the same piece of clothing or accessory that you find at the thrift. There is a lot of really cool stuff that can completely change your wardrobe.

Walking – I live in a small college town, so everything is in walking distance. Biking is usually my go to, but as the leaves have been changing and the air has altered itself to a comfortable temperature, I have really enjoyed walking. Go to the library, to the quaint little coffee shop, to the park, or just around town for a break from schoolwork. There’s so much more you can take in, more time to think, to experience, to be present, and overall, I have enjoyed it a lot.

Deleting my social media apps – I deleted the apps off of my phone for a week in the middle of October after finding that I was constantly on my phone and I was stressed out because there was so much I needed or wanted to do, yet I would reach for my phone several times, wasting away hours and hours of my. And it was the best week so far. I got so much done, and was happier, and found a love in reading again that I had been missing.

Learning – Analyzing literature, and working everyday to advance my French, I’ve been on a learning kick. I have always tried to broaden my knowledge, learn new skill, and overall better myself. But specifically recently, I’ve been reading a lot, and studying a lot. I’ve been using apps like Duolingo and Tiny Cards, while watching Crash Course on Youtube, and those help a lot.

Library – Probably my favorite place now. I have a little nook beside a large window sill, and a plant behind me, surrounded by the large print books that I have been going to almost everyday after school to get my work done.

John and Hank Green – These two brothers, quickly became a favorite when I came across their YouTube channel, Vlogbrothers, during a time when I was really down, and disconnected. Their personalities, the way they think, and just who they are as people in general.

People – My family has grown into being “people” as I have gotten older. There isn’t the facade that used to always be there when I was younger, but now I see them as the people, the humans they are, the ones that make mistakes, that have history to them, that they are, or were, just like me. And it’s begun to spread to everyone I see. Everyone has a story, a history, things they smile at when recalling the memories, or the regrets that weigh down their chest, and I want to learn more about these people that congest our planet.

Just being, and living – Sometimes, you have to let go of fear; let go of all that you are paranoid— just gone— and be.

  What went up on the blog?

Who are you?// 5 tips to get to know yourself better

Awaiting a dream (Self #3)

Perception

and more! Every week there is a new blog post on Sunday. What were some of your favorite things this month? Let me know what you want to read for future blog posts, and I hope you have an amazing day!

As always,

  Autumn Favorites Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches.