#it’s not even worth talking aboutttttt

[tvslashers]

not tiktok learning about mai-chan’s daily life i can’t do this again

[mystery-salad]

have 7, 8, 9, and 20 from the sylvari asks for whoever you'd like to talk about! :D -kerra-and-company

Thanks for the ask! 💚 how aboutttttt...Cue! A rarity in here

7) how do they react to Mordremoth when they first hear him?

The first time he heard that voice was the last moment for a while that his will was his own. He rode into the Jungle on the Pact airships, among those unfortunate enough to experience Mordremoth’s voice firsthand with no warning on what it could do. He wasn’t ready, he had no idea what to expect and saw the Pact as safe. Months of his memory are gone, and he has the blood of his comrades on his hands.

8) during what cycle were they born?

He was a noon bloom! You wouldn’t be able to tell from seeing him now, but his early days he possessed a very outgoing attitude and an eagerness to excel and explore. It’s what pulled him to the Pact, the adventure and the chance to engineer front-leading mechanisms and vehicles. He helped pioneer the crafting of the Pact airships and canons! There’s still a hint of that impulsivity in him, though you’ll only see it if you’re one of the very select few he cares about and trusts.

9) what are their opinions on Trahearne?

Arrogant and ambitious, more eager for glory than the safety of his soldiers. The firstborn lead most of the Pact to their death, and doubtless the Commander is no different. Getting the job done and completing things like Hunts aren’t worth the lives of so many when they don’t even know what they’re getting into yet.

20) Their biggest secret?

Cue keeps his past connection to the pact a very very careful secret. Even those he loves don’t know that information unless they stumble onto the fact somehow. And those who knew him in the pact think him to be dead.

[an-oath]

S L E E P I N G // in.

It’s 2019. Yay? If I was still in school this would be the week where I would struggle with readjusting to the new year. The new numbers on the page. No more 8. 9 now.  The little scribbles and the aftermath of Christmas would remind me that yet another year has flown by. We celebrate this great spin around by having parties, staying up till midnight and celebrating the day. Only to find ourselves, the next morning, confused, tired and frankly, a little hyped up about a million questions.  The new year. 2019. I’m not entering this year on an apathetic note. Honestly, I’m not. Actually, I’m feeling a little concerned. The fact that 2017 2018 has come and gone so quickly makes me feel a little foggy. What did I do last year?  If you know me, you know the major thing I struggle with is robotic rhythm. Always in the same flow. Always the same week. Same month. Same schedule. It actual hurts me to know what my day will look like in the next 3, 4, 5 weeks even. Now, there are little things that change and the little things is what makes me smile and maybe, just maybe, this is adulthood telling me to bear down and get over it. This is life. Work. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.  But walking into 2019 has me feeling a lot like there’s something I’m missing. My work schedule has been altered a great deal aboutttttt 6 months ago. Once upon a time, I would be scheduled to be at work bright eyed and bushy tailed at 9AM pronto. I would leave at 4:30PM and be home before 5PM. Such a simple, sweet life. Now...now. Now, I have some days that have been moved around and in order to be able to take Fridays off (WORTH IT!) I’m the first one in the offices...at 7:30AM. I used to (u s e d  t o) take advantage of going to the gym in the mornings, get in a great God time, put my outfits together all cute. Now, I struggggggglllleeee. Most of the time I’m not rolling into bed until 11PM or 12AM (on a good day) so that alarm clock becomes my nemesis and more often than not 7:30AM turns into 7:36AM or 7:40AM.  Am I going to sweat over a few measly minutes? Do I have a boss breathing down my neck with questions? No. No, I don’t. Nobody’s even here to see it.  ...but, it bothers me so much. I wish I could be that girl that can wake up with 4 hours of sleep and look amazing, feel amazing, be amazing. I’m not that girl. I don’t have any intentions of ever being that girl. So, I wake up and watch my daunting schedule and my ever present lateness loom over me with the feeling that follows...will I ever be better than this? Will I ever be able to go to bed for 9:30PM? Or set some boundaries in my life and restart this year on an organized note? Will I ever save enough to do what I want to do this year? Will I be able to study, learn, read, absorb everything I’ll receive this year? Will this year be another year of just sleeping in and missing all the great things that wake up before the sun? Honestly, I stinking hope so. I don’t know what I want this year to look like. I’m opposed to resolutions because I hate failing. So, I just call it wishful thinking.  2 - 0 - 1 - 9. It has to be different, right? Something has to change? or am I doomed to a life of constant for another 365? I hope not. There’s always that feeling after you’ve pushed snooze about 5 times. The first time, you’ve prepared for it. You set your alarm to allow for one solid snooze...but the other 4 times. Those were unintentional. Sometimes, they were even unconscious, but they still happened.  I still missed that quiet time, that shower, that cute outfit day.  I frantically whip my perfect bedding away from me, apologizing for the betrayal, and yank a shirt from the drawer and pants from the floor. Grab my dry shampoo (unspoken hero) and fly out with -4 minutes to spare.  This was 2018 for me. Not just physically though. I struggled feeling like I walked through a year of dry shampoo days and caffeine induced mornings.  I’m so grateful that my God is not a vengeful deity but a loving Father. It’s the drive to work and the worship in my car that makes me feel even just a few more minutes closer to Him that keeps me sane but then morning turns to night and January to December and I still... sleep in. I know God’s doing a great work in my life because I’m seeing a lot of garbage that I want to be rid of. I also know that it’s going to take some doing.  A lot less Netflix and some solid concrete slab boundaries to keep my heart, my Spirit and my body from sleeping in. I don’t know what to hope for this year. I don’t want to waste a year and hope for nothing. I also don’t want another year of disappointment. I just want a year of wishful thinking, hopeful waiting and patient learning. 

The strive. The year of the strive.  Strive to do better. Be better.  Get more done. Love harder. Talk less. Listen louder. Forgive faster. I went to this fundraiser with a friend of mine a few months ago and they were holding a ballot auction. So, it’s simple. You buy the ballots and the proceeds go to the fundraiser. You then put your ballots in for the item that you want. At the end of the fundraiser, they pull a name and if you win they call you. Easy as pie.  So, we went to this and I brought some money to give and when I received the ballots I was pretty excited for what I saw in front of me. There was a row of items all shiny and new and pretty and most of them would have appealed to me if it wasn’t for the 3 perfect little boxes in the front row. Necklaces. They were the prettiest, daintiest little things I’ve ever seen. A work of art on a chain. I knew instantly what I was looking at. They were little drops of resin on the end of a chain with seeds in them. The first box was a mustard seed. As a good Christian girl, I recognized that seed and the meaning behind it and smiled. The second box was a sunflower seed. Loved it. The third, the most important box was a dandelion seed. Wanted it. Needed it. And just like that all 40 ballots I had went into those three little boxes.  I was shocked when a week, then two, then three went by without even a call. I even talked to my friend and she hadn’t heard that I had won anything so I forgot about those necklaces and those ballots and moved on. Then, yesterday, I wasn’t feeling good. I had a head cold and slept the majority of the day (ironically...).  I was sitting in my couch thinking all of these thoughts when surprisingly my phone snapped me out of it.  It was the lady that makes the necklaces. I had won. 2 of them. The sunflower...and the dandelion. I don’t know what your childhood looked like as a kid but mine was filled with a lot of great moments. I grew up beside a mini farm and had the greatest times. One of my favourite moments was when my neighbours planted a sunflower garden almost at the edge of our property. I could wake up every morning and see them in full bloom. I was always amazed at how tall they would be. I never knew flowers could grow like that.  And Dandelions... They were always around. I never knew why people hated them so much. They were yellow and full and if you had a spare hour you could link them together to make a crown. Dandelions were my staple art piece as a child. If they weren’t yellow and blooming they were white and fluffy. I loved blowing the seeds away and wishing on them. Wishing. For greatness. For the best. Always the best. Now as an adult, I remember those little moments. Standing in awe of the sunflower over my head and smiling as the fluffy little Dandelion seeds kissed my cheek farewell. Those two little flowers. Those seeds. Those memories helped me yesterday to anchor on to what I want for this year.  I wonder if God does that with me. Throws all His ballots in on me and hopes that He wins. Everyday, I want Him too but I know sometimes there’s something that pulls me away. My feelings. My attitudes. My heartbreaks. Things... I want to be more myself. I want to see those moments and remember them. I don’t want to have another 2018 where everything’s happening around me and I’m rushing to catch up. I want to be in the flow of it. The moment of it. Enjoy it.  You know? Anyways. I get the necklaces on Friday and I can’t wait. (ps. if you want to check her store out go to Seeded Hope on instagram. She’s on etsy as well, I believe.)