#i dunno. this is gonna be weird
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"I'm sorry."
It's the first thing Steve says after everything.
After getting Vecna Cursed. After nearly dying. After a hallucination of Eddie saved him. After running through a looped forest. After finding sanctuary in Steve's memory of that Starcourt bathroom. After Eddie reveals himself as Eddie.
It's the only thing he can think of. It's not big enough to fit everything, but it's the only thing that fits in his mouth.
"Don't be."
Maybe that's the only thing Eddie can think of too. The only thing Eddie can bear to say.
Because don't be can't stop Steve's eyes from watering when he sees the vest in his closet. Don't be can't stop Steve's feet from dragging him to the cemetery every evening to clean Eddie's graffiti-covered tombstone. Don't be can't stop Steve from sitting beside Wayne and listening to him talk about the Eddie he remembers. Don't be can't stop Eddie's body from showing up in Steve's dreams, nor Eddie's corpse from his nightmares. Don't be couldn't keep the pain away enough, didn't stop Vecna from latching onto it while Steve was walking alone in the woods.
Don't be isn't enough for what Steve wants to hear. But even stuck here waiting, hoping, for someone to get Steve out, there just isn't enough time.
"I miss you."
"...Why?"
Eddie says it back so quickly, so quietly, like it's just unfathomable to him. Maybe it is, considering their last memories. But their eyes meet and he looks just as sad, just as longing, as Steve.
"You were my friend."
Steve can't help but say it like that. Like they were friends for years instead of days. Like Eddie was that important to him in their final moments. Like his heart really aches for Eddie every second of the apocalypse.
Can't help but say it like he means it.
"I wish we could've had more time..."
Steve's voice cracks a little there as he turns away, hiding. It's all he wants. It's all Vecna used to entice him with. It's all that's keeping him going, to finally fulfill the last request Eddie made. It's all he has left to feel close to Eddie.
The Eddie that's sitting right next to him, silent, his sight weighing on Steve's skin. Conscious and aware and the real Eddie. Trapped in Vecna's head as a backup power source, yet who still risked everything to come save Steve. Who Steve will never see again because killing Vecna means killing Eddie for good, and his heart doesn't want it, is begging for another solution...
But for once, his broken head overpowers his shattered heart.
"Maybe we did."
Eddie takes Steve's hand. Meets Steve's surprised look with his own small smile of hope. They're both suddenly tearing up, eyes glistening with life in this gray stall.
"Maybe in another world, we got a second first chance. A first second chance. Maybe even a third, or fourth. Maybe in a different life, we had everything we wanted. Because you, Steve Harrington, are too good for me to be doomed to meet just once."
And for a moment, Steve sees it. Feels it. Versions of them connected through the universe.
Little kids playing in the lake. One with bruised skin and shaved hair, loud but unfathomably lonely. One with a bruised heart and soft eyes, timid but stubbornly hopeful.
A rockstar with glittering chains, center stage in the spotlight. A set of eyes in the crowd or behind the curtain, watching only him.
A werewolf and a vampire, two cryptids of horror, meeting in the dead of a full moon night to feel safe with the only other one who understands.
A future where they won, where the only death was the one that mattered. A process of healing and learning, coming home to a family every single day.
A world without pain, without their hell, where two high schoolers found freedom from their shackles and company in each other. Hiding away together in the dark corners of the town.
Steve even sees other versions of them. Versions that he knows were originally never supposed to meet, yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together.
A metalhead drug dealer, constantly getting into trouble with one nail-bat-weilding cop.
A criminal's fugitive nature leading him to a rugged trailer park, and the dangerous owner within one such home.
An eccentric king in an old coliseum, always choosing one particular warrior as his champion.
A young programmer being pulled away from his work by sobs above his apartment, running upstairs to check on the law student that recently moved in.
Two actors, finding an easy friendship in the months of filming one season of a show that would change their lives.
In that moment, Steve's overwhelmed by the closeness he suddenly feels with the soul beside him. Falling into tears, he pulls Eddie into a tight hug, holding him so so close to convey everything he can't say. Feeling Eddie hold him back, hearing everything Eddie can't say in return.
Familiar music comes on outside the stall. Robin's voice calls out to him, telling him to come home.
And when he does leave, Steve hopes that someone out there will understand that he never can. Because here in Eddie's arms is the only place that will ever truly feel like home.
"Thank you... for everything, Eddie."
Thank you, Steve. For everything and more..."
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- List of AUs, in order, after, "Versions of them connected through the universe": Childhood Friends / Rockstar!Eddie / Werewolf!Steve & Vampire!Eddie / Eddie Survives / No Upside Down & High School
- List of Multiverse Steddie AUs, in order, after, "...yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together": Eddie x Gator / Baron x Michael / Geta x Sean / Keys x Eric / Quinn and Keery
#dude i dunno what possessed me#i was thinking about multiverse steddie again and came up with that “maybe in another world” paragraph#then suddenly Empty Bed by Cavetown was playing on loop and this was in front of me#so have fun with this weird mesh of steddie angst#could be platonic or romantic but either way it's requited and doomed#also shoutout the lovely 2jihiir0 here on tumblr for introducing me to the steddie multiverse i thank you immensely my friend#also also yes im still working on writing veronica harrington i promise i just keep hitting roadblocks and getting distracted i'll get ther#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things au#steddie#steve x eddie#gonna try and get all the other characters and their place of origin bear with me here#fargo#gator tillman#marmalade#baron marmalade#hoard movie#michael hoard#gladiator 2#emporer geta#finalmente l'alba#sean lockwood#free guy#keys mckey#a quiet place day one#eric a quiet place day one
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blessed be the night
#my friend sent me the song 'hijo de la luna' and said it's silver-core and ive been looping it for 3 days. i um. im normal#its got this haunting energy to it thats so GOOD. the moon wants a kid and silver is that kid babey. reminds me of ell's fic hollow moon...#but yea SOLAR ECLIPSE PIECE BABEY!!!! the sun from his origins and the moon as his new home. freshly silver hair like the blocking moon#decided i wasnt gonna do lineart for this so instead i did the worlds cleanest sketch ever and u cant fuckign tell the difference. i#its giving me this strange dystopian vibe that im not like. im not MAD at it but it wasnt intentional? i dunno GHVJBDK art be weird sometim#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#silver vanrouge#ch 7 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#suntails#tumblr gets it first again YYYIPPEEEEEEEE
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I understand people have concerns about Clove's identity being steamrolled, but I also feel like it's a Very Weird critique to say they should've been more androgynous to 'fix' that
#like. i get that a lot of people are probably just gonna flat out ignore their pronouns etc#but i don't much enjoy the idea that the only 'solution' to that is to be more androgynous#i dunno. i get it but i just think people gotta think about what they're saying real quick!#in any case! obsessed with them and i can't wait to play them. their kit seems sooo cool#i love when the abilities get a bit more weird (and i mean that in the best way)#.original#.clove#.txt#clove valorant#valorant
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"In all three of his lives, he never had anyone to honor him, I wanna change that."
So I was thinking about funeral dances. And about Legend dancing, as per usual. And about the fact the Downfall!Time probably never got a funeral and per Zelda canon. I also needed an excuse to work on profiles. So this is Legend and his Zelda (Fable, I think?) paying respects to their predecessors after LU, I guess. Not an actual funeral dance btw. I used Florence and the Machine's Big God video as a reference.
#I had a terrible thought of Malon and Zelda being the only people marching in Time's funeral Procession#and bystanders only paying their respects because well the Queen knew him so clearly he's important.#she must've really liked the Lon Lon Ranch.#I dunno my brain's weird sometimes.#Gonna start doing commissions soon.#Zelda#a link to the past#a link between worlds#linked universe#Legend lu#lu legend#loz#loz fanart#my art
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#nicholas galitzine#celebs#rwrb cast#henry fox mountchristen windsor#my art#graphics#finally found some time to paint 💖#gonna paint alex too because they are a set in my brain haha#this is also a weird mix of henry and a photoshoot of nicholas that i like i dunno#just making stufffff
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I like fishing games and also games with little creatures and so here we are
#cat#I liked my weird little guy and wanted to draw them#was gonna try to make the white cat like in my profile image#but I didn't see any bowties#so why bother#lil spooky guy instead#webfishing#fish#fish in drawing not accurate to fish you catch in game#I don't really ever interact with people online so I dunno if I'll ever actually use the chatroom part of the game#but I can still fish without that so whateva#magikarp#Gen I#water type#other fanart
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#tynamo#this is strange. it doesn't even take up the whole post to its borders#this is certainly a weird one. i dunno how i feel about that. i don't think i like it. it's been a very long time since one has not taken u#the full width of the post. and eelektrik is probably gonna be like this too just 'cause this whole line really is just circles#from the front. fuckin unrecognizable i'll give 'em that much
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Last Thing
While I was trying to figure out if Zam actually was a little too big, I noticed that there's this little "tail" hanging off the left cup of his headphones to make it look like a speech balloon.
I've literally never noticed it before, but it's apparently been there since the very beginning.
I dunno how, but I've just never internalized this detail until now, but it's super cute, isn't it?
#no straight roads#nsr#dj zam#zam#i guess i just don't spend that much time looking at the other characters#also is it just me#or is zam one of the most different characters between his model and his talk sprite?#i dunno. i just don't think they look the same#i kinda feel that way about gigi too but it's mostly just that his smile isn't modeled as sharply as it's drawn#zam is like totally different to me#his model is also kinda weird in other ways#it's not as detailed as the main cast#but not as undetailed as the other city npcs#and as mentioned before he's one of the few characters that t-poses instead of a-posing by default#i wonder if he was supposed to do more in earlier versions of the game#anyway i think i've decided that zam is correctly scaled#i guess he's just a bigger guy than i realized#gonna have to rectify that in future fanarts
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Small skeleton zine I put together as a double-sided print template test (Patreon)
Bonus clean panels under the cut
Front and back cover skeletons
Handplates babies
And terribad dad!
Longboi Jack Skellington - his legs were really fun haha
And the Riveras!
#Doodles#Skele-zine hehe#Original#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Gaster#Jack Skellington#Coco#Imelda Rivera#Héctor Rivera#I always draw with such defined strong lines on printer paper lol#Normally my style is all fluttery and soft and scratchy and sketchy but I see printer paper and I'm like ''I must Bold Lines Only''#S'quite a mouthful of a caption but that's what I was doing!#You see the weird creases on the last page? Technically this is the inside but since I started with the inside technically it's the outside#Gonna fill the other side soon :) I wanted to make sure I got as clean of pictures and scans as I could single-sided first tho#I dunno what the other side's gonna have but no matter what it won't have as clean of scans or lines :P The nature of things#Why do I want it to be double-sided in the first place? I have some print tests I'd like to try :3c#As if I don't already have enough things to format for printing lol look I just follow whatever my brain is hungry for in the moment#It's all papercrafts! Whatever makes the kid (brain) happy#Plus it was a good excuse to draw Yet More Skeletons - can you tell I'm in Font Skeleton Hell atm lol#I'm pretty sure that Doot-doot Sans was a shower thought lol#The rest were all off the cuff :) Man I haven't drawn Jack in yearrrrsss#I was almost tempted to follow him up with Slenderman for the lulz but I kept to the skeleton theme! Good for me lol#Everyone was largely from memory - I gave a quick glance at CinemaWins' Coco video for references but aside from that#Drawing big bold shapes and then filling them in with slight hatching was fun ♪ More fun than erasing! Just gotta roll with it! Pen rules!#I did erase a couple things here and there but I left most of my lines down :) Even mistakes! It's good to practice around them sometimes ♪#Good test! Fun and met my goal! :)
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Hello, deranged doppelquestioner here once again at 01:02 to ask the question:
How does Carbuncle have merch, let alone bootleg merch, if The Arles(collective) also have Carbuncle.
BETTER QUESTION UNLOCKED: Is Satan rich and famous and turned Carbuncle into merch(possibly puyoesque video games?) which has since been rippes off, and did The Arles take him anyways. Are The Arles down to do crime. Are The Arles down to do gay? To others because I just realized how that sounds im not that sleepy yet. They have a good role model in Ally.
Have a good day btw :3
Hi this just occured to me id have put it in the last post if I could have. Rarle and Blarle, That is all. -Dopplepondererer at approximately 01:12
rarle and blarle is hysterical thank you so much. to (finally) answer your question: the short answer is that it's "carbuncle" merch in the way that all "simple white rabbit" merch is miffy merch, if that makes sense?
the long answer is. well. i drew it.
the longer answer, because that technically doesn't answer the question very clearly either, is that this is word-of-god retconning to justify giving them something that realistically would not exist. it's "totally generic yellow rabbit" that totally isn't carbuncle. no see look the yellow rabbit doesn't have a rubelcrack. but it is... carbuncle. i swear. for the rest of the ask; i have no idea where satan is? maybe he's the ~enigmatic masked headmaster~ again. maybe he's a teacher. maybe he's... the arles's weird family friend? i'm imagining the arles live apart from their parents for [INSERT REASON HERE] and maybe satan is the dude that checks in on them sometimes on behalf of their parents. i'll figure out where he goes someday. the arles are also infinitely down to be gay do crime, though arle would need a bit more convincing than doppel. they do have a good role model in ally, tbh all of us should follow her example. love everyone and be gay about it
#puyo puyo#puyo puyo school au#arle nadja#doppelganger arle#carbuncle#thanks for asking!!#my stuff#maybe satan is equivalent to the uncle-thats-not-an-uncle youve known all your life that always shows up at family events#despite not being related at all. who keeps inviting him? i dunno but ok he's part of the family now?#maybe he gave the arles carbuncle when they were littler. or they found carby in the woods like in ars episode a. who knows LOL not me#(to be real he's here because i find it so funny that in the drama cd where everyone's in high school despite there being no obvious magic#arle still has carby anyway.)#((also there's probably magic in this au. just a bit more toned down than canon))#ANYWAY i need everyone to know even though ive been drawing these two as arguing every past installment they love each other very much.#they argue because they're just Those Siblings#hmm i had one more thought but i think that's it for now. if i remember it i'll edit it in later o7#OH DAMN WAIT THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SFX ON THIS#uuuuuugh ive already crossposted.. just know.... there was supposed to be two KACHUNKs in the panel with arle holding the gachapon balls....#thats fine. this is fine#anyway the thing i remembered is that if i go with the weird family friend angle for satan i will have to retool his whole#arle is my fiance shtick. that may fly in canon but in this universe. where everyone's just generally normal.#i think he'd end up on a watchlist if i didnt tweak that a bit#anyway im gonna be thinking about the missing kachunks for the rest of my life
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if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-
#thdjdjd i dunno like gjdjd#look warriors did something fucking weird to my brain#it brought me back to when i first was obsessed with WATT when i was 16#and hamilton when i was 13#like it makes me wanna write again#and now with eisa davis proving that Radically Progressive Ideas In Art Can Fucking Work If You Have The Balls#im um#really thinking about going back WHAHAHA#might rework Patron the musical into a concept album idea of sorts#side a being life as a filipino student who learns the ins and outs of activism and ndmos here#side b being their counterpart who is a writer that struggles against being indocrinated by um neo-colonialist capitalist beliefs#all that comes with prolonged exposure to the bubble of privilege in the phililpines#(especially the role that the US capitalism plays in it hahahahaha we haven't forgotten about that)#basically not exactly a princess and the pauper situation but um just two people on different sides of the same coin#and its meant to be an exploration of my experiences in college#both in terms of my activism#and me being made to mind the line at times as a communication student and a writer#its like splitting myself into two and making them butt heads PFFT but yea#and I call it Patron because Side A (Filipino) is inspired from the concept of patron saints ('who dies for us? who do we die for?')#(pronounce side A as PAH-tron with a roll to that R)#and Side B is um what are the privileges and pitfalls of foreign patronage?#(yes this is inspired by um some filipinos being so enamored by socio-economic privilege upon stepping foot in amerca that they forget-#where they came from)#anyways thats ny tiny ramble for today im gonna get back to wofk#personal shit#voila the return of the izzy idea rambles
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HI today went fine!!! 💥💥 just got home :D
#💥.txt#UHH have to feed keko still though haha#we hung out on campus for a while. just did lunch and dinner there + went over pokemon stat stuff for a thing :)#RAMBLING BUT ALSO. today was nice. hey more rambling incoming#really proud of myself lately GETTING A ROUTINE STUDYING FOR COLLEGE ENTRANCE STUFF and might have a job lined up with housing COVEREDD#(looking into it :) not likely but would be nice obviously)#and it's so late but it's looking like I'll be heading to college fall semester this year potentially finally!???#seeing friends was just nice. augh I dunno yesterday just felt teary and hazy and weird and I've been a mess. so today was good#I've just been thinking about stuff recently and like. there's no reason for me to be stuck here. I'll be fine#things have been getting better. they'll keep getting better. preparing to leave will suck but it's been worth the stress and work#household is Not Great but I would like to be happy. being sad sucks. counseling is set up now. I'll be genuinely fine#when I am out this isn't gonna feel like nothing but it'll feel Better
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two new WIPs on the brain… a whumpy one (@whumpdreaming this is YOUR FAULT) and a field guide type story…
hrm…
#this is weird.#bc#i normally make characters BEFORE I make plot#but now I have plot ideas#but I still dunno how these protags are gonna look#:/#weird…#anyways#sea speaks!
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interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!
#marzi speaks#it’s . probably bc of the vasculitis thing#which like. while it is a traumatic thing that i need to work through and plan on going to therapy about#it also put a LOT of things into perspective for me#and like actually i do not think i am afraid of growing up anymore !#i mean i still have like. the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting overwhelmed and falling behind#that’s not gonna go away overnight that’s been there for as long as i can remember#BUT!! i know deep down that i can figure it out now.#bc i figured out a lot. i figured out how to gauge my physical well being#i figured out how to be someone who can regularly make phone calls without crying#i figured out pharmacies. and i’m figuring out how insurance works#and appointments and withdrawing from school and reapplying to school#and all of the lifestyle changes that come with having an autoimmune disease#i’m learning self advocacy. i’m learning how to respond when people treat me poorly (always accidentally so far)#yeah getting my license has been hard and slow just bc i have all the anxiety shit about it. but i AM putting that effort in#i dunno it’s just. adult responsibilities are horrifying and the prospect of existing independently in our current society#is horrifying. and i think i’ll always be scared.#but i used to think i might not be able to handle it. that i would fall apart#i know now that i won’t. i will find a way to move forward and be happy. because that’s what i’ve always done#if i can take the scariest couple of months in stride the way that i have. then i think i can handle it#anyways. 19 was eventful enough can i be 20 now. i think being 20 would be good for me#still a Weird thing to think about. two whole decades. but like i can do it methinks
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I PROMISE IM STILL ALIVE AND THAT I STILL LOVE THIS SHOW i just dont have time for podcasts rn :( innn the meantime did anyone ever think about fish n chips Edyn Edition alot alot alot orrrrr was that just me
#NO TAGS bc itsa small doodle. BURN!!! also rrrauauughh thinkinnn about edyn againnnn#like i dunno man i just think its rly funny if edyn just finds her mind wandering back over to gillions weird ugly friend#like... hes kinda cute... in an annoying boy sorta way....#I THINK THEY WOULD BE CUUUTE TOGETHERRRRR or atleast it would be cute to see them interract more#i just wwant those two locked in a high stress situation together#i also want edyn to eat people. i aalso want edyn to be just as violent as gill if not mmore. please.#I HAVA DOODLE PAGE but i wanna show it more love first b4 i post it anywhere. in the meantime u get this. u only get this .#unless u ask me very niciesss#i might ramble more here later if more thoughts come to mind. i GOTTA rewatch several riptide eps. but NO.#im gonna go watch rly stupid anime instead forever okay byeee love yoouu
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stayed up until almost 8am for the davrin romance scene and it was SO WORTH IT GAMERS
#I’m unwell!!!!#it was just like. hello. hello! Hello!! HELLO!!!!!??#very good chefskiss#that is to say I’m almost done w 2nd playthrough and tbh I dunno what I’m gonna play next#i might just go back to playing 14 so I can rotate veilguard in my head#the daily stuff in 14 is enough that I can rotate other stuff in my head#but I do have a replay of bg3 sitting around#along with a poe playthrough too#but I gotta be in a mindset for poe since. I’m kinda rebuilding my watcher#and I don’t know if I have the brain for that between thimble eshka and eyrie#but ough the Davrin stuff is good#tbh there’s like. this weird gap in the romances#where I feel like there should be more?#between the confirmation scene and the final scene#I think it’s just how the romances are in the game tbh#which I will gladly imagine all sorts of things going on#but I’m also greedy and want more#veilguard spoilers#OUGH Davrin though bud you can give me a call
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