#i dunno. this is gonna be weird

[psychotic-nonsense]

"I'm sorry."

It's the first thing Steve says after everything.

After getting Vecna Cursed. After nearly dying. After a hallucination of Eddie saved him. After running through a looped forest. After finding sanctuary in Steve's memory of that Starcourt bathroom. After Eddie reveals himself as Eddie.

It's the only thing he can think of. It's not big enough to fit everything, but it's the only thing that fits in his mouth.

"Don't be."

Maybe that's the only thing Eddie can think of too. The only thing Eddie can bear to say.

Because don't be can't stop Steve's eyes from watering when he sees the vest in his closet. Don't be can't stop Steve's feet from dragging him to the cemetery every evening to clean Eddie's graffiti-covered tombstone. Don't be can't stop Steve from sitting beside Wayne and listening to him talk about the Eddie he remembers. Don't be can't stop Eddie's body from showing up in Steve's dreams, nor Eddie's corpse from his nightmares. Don't be couldn't keep the pain away enough, didn't stop Vecna from latching onto it while Steve was walking alone in the woods.

Don't be isn't enough for what Steve wants to hear. But even stuck here waiting, hoping, for someone to get Steve out, there just isn't enough time.

"I miss you."

"...Why?"

Eddie says it back so quickly, so quietly, like it's just unfathomable to him. Maybe it is, considering their last memories. But their eyes meet and he looks just as sad, just as longing, as Steve.

"You were my friend."

Steve can't help but say it like that. Like they were friends for years instead of days. Like Eddie was that important to him in their final moments. Like his heart really aches for Eddie every second of the apocalypse.

Can't help but say it like he means it.

"I wish we could've had more time..."

Steve's voice cracks a little there as he turns away, hiding. It's all he wants. It's all Vecna used to entice him with. It's all that's keeping him going, to finally fulfill the last request Eddie made. It's all he has left to feel close to Eddie.

The Eddie that's sitting right next to him, silent, his sight weighing on Steve's skin. Conscious and aware and the real Eddie. Trapped in Vecna's head as a backup power source, yet who still risked everything to come save Steve. Who Steve will never see again because killing Vecna means killing Eddie for good, and his heart doesn't want it, is begging for another solution...

But for once, his broken head overpowers his shattered heart.

"Maybe we did."

Eddie takes Steve's hand. Meets Steve's surprised look with his own small smile of hope. They're both suddenly tearing up, eyes glistening with life in this gray stall.

"Maybe in another world, we got a second first chance. A first second chance. Maybe even a third, or fourth. Maybe in a different life, we had everything we wanted. Because you, Steve Harrington, are too good for me to be doomed to meet just once."

And for a moment, Steve sees it. Feels it. Versions of them connected through the universe.

Little kids playing in the lake. One with bruised skin and shaved hair, loud but unfathomably lonely. One with a bruised heart and soft eyes, timid but stubbornly hopeful.

A rockstar with glittering chains, center stage in the spotlight. A set of eyes in the crowd or behind the curtain, watching only him.

A werewolf and a vampire, two cryptids of horror, meeting in the dead of a full moon night to feel safe with the only other one who understands.

A future where they won, where the only death was the one that mattered. A process of healing and learning, coming home to a family every single day.

A world without pain, without their hell, where two high schoolers found freedom from their shackles and company in each other. Hiding away together in the dark corners of the town.

Steve even sees other versions of them. Versions that he knows were originally never supposed to meet, yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together.

A metalhead drug dealer, constantly getting into trouble with one nail-bat-weilding cop.

A criminal's fugitive nature leading him to a rugged trailer park, and the dangerous owner within one such home.

An eccentric king in an old coliseum, always choosing one particular warrior as his champion.

A young programmer being pulled away from his work by sobs above his apartment, running upstairs to check on the law student that recently moved in.

Two actors, finding an easy friendship in the months of filming one season of a show that would change their lives.

In that moment, Steve's overwhelmed by the closeness he suddenly feels with the soul beside him. Falling into tears, he pulls Eddie into a tight hug, holding him so so close to convey everything he can't say. Feeling Eddie hold him back, hearing everything Eddie can't say in return.

Familiar music comes on outside the stall. Robin's voice calls out to him, telling him to come home.

And when he does leave, Steve hopes that someone out there will understand that he never can. Because here in Eddie's arms is the only place that will ever truly feel like home.

"Thank you... for everything, Eddie."

Thank you, Steve. For everything and more..."

--------------------

- List of AUs, in order, after, "Versions of them connected through the universe": Childhood Friends / Rockstar!Eddie / Werewolf!Steve & Vampire!Eddie / Eddie Survives / No Upside Down & High School

- List of Multiverse Steddie AUs, in order, after, "...yet forces so much greater than them pulled them together": Eddie x Gator / Baron x Michael / Geta x Sean / Keys x Eric / Quinn and Keery

[suntails]

blessed be the night

[front-facing-pokemon]

[bumbumblebeetuna]

Thoughts.

Steve is probably still a bit caught off guard every time he's reminded that Bucky loves him. Bucky loves him. Bucky has always loved him. 

He loves me he loves me

HE LOVES ME?

Back when he was small and just a scrawny kid on the streets where most people looked down upon him or saw him as a nuisance who had to keep on getting into fights for seemingly no reason. 

Back when he would keep on getting sick from literally everything and stay bedridden for days from pneumonia or whatever that was threatening his life again for the 80th time. 

Back when he had nothing to prove, nothing to his name. Back when he was nothing. Bucky had stayed by his side. Bucky had loved him.

Back when he had first gotten the serum and couldn’t recognize himself in the mirror on some days or even make sure of who he was anymore, Bucky had been his anchor. Bucky had reminded him why he was ready to follow him to the ends of the earth when he could’ve easily taken his leave and gone home to his family. But he stayed to remind Steve that he was also his home, his family.

What probably surprises Steve the most is the fact that Bucky still loves him now. After all those years of trauma and abuse, after everything Hydra put onto him, he chose to continue fighting by Steve’s side. Not because of obligation or guilt, never because of obligation or guilt, but because he wanted to.

HE WANTS ME?

He wanted to stay by Steve’s side "‘till the end of the line.” He wanted to join the Howling Commandos. He wanted to save Steve from drowning in the river and did so by breaking through 70+ years of abuse and brainwashing. He wanted to continue fighting by Steve’s side even after being put through so much. He wanted to love Steve. 

Little old Steve, he wasn’t even that special was he? Sure, he was genetically enhanced and could lift cars and stuff but everything special about him came out of a bottle he wasn’t that superhuman or anything that could be considered… worthy of Bucky’s years of intense devotion and love. He knew that Bucky saw him under all those stars and spangles and heroism, he saw him as just Steve Rogers. But Steve Rogers wasn’t anything special, Steve Rogers was insecure, selfish, stupid,

disgusting,

mindless,

SCARED.

Scared of what? Scared that Bucky genuinely loved him? Scared that he wasn’t WORTH his love? scared that Bucky will eventually see him like how he sees himself? 

Don’t love me back LOVE ME BACK please don’t love me back I love you I love you I love you please don’t love me back I’m not worth your time I’ll only disappoint you DO YOU LOVE ME? YOU LOVE ME? YOU LOVE ME? let me love you let me take care of you let me die for you I’m useful only when I’m useful to you but don’t waste your life LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME PLEASE I’LL PROVE MYSELF on me I’ll only make everything

worse

worse

WORSE.

PLEASE LOVE ME.

Steve loves Bucky. If he were to be struck down one day with a bullet directly pierced through his heart, the last words he’d ever want to say would be a garbled “I love you” to Bucky as blood filled his lungs. Bucky doesn’t have to love Steve back (but he still does), not when Steve has done so little for him. 

You love me

Why

Why

Why

Do you love me?

“WHY ME?”

Steve needs to do more. He needs to prove to himself that he deserves to be loved by Bucky. He needs to truly show his love. He needs to…

he should…

he has to…

…be okay with being loved.

“Because it’s always been you, Stevie.”

[doctorcanon]

"In all three of his lives, he never had anyone to honor him, I wanna change that."

So I was thinking about funeral dances. And about Legend dancing, as per usual. And about the fact the Downfall!Time probably never got a funeral and per Zelda canon. I also needed an excuse to work on profiles. So this is Legend and his Zelda (Fable, I think?) paying respects to their predecessors after LU, I guess. Not an actual funeral dance btw. I used Florence and the Machine's Big God video as a reference.

[iamprometheus]

I understand people have concerns about Clove's identity being steamrolled, but I also feel like it's a Very Weird critique to say they should've been more androgynous to 'fix' that

[antoine-triplett]

[cinimuffin]

I like fishing games and also games with little creatures and so here we are

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach’s Issue with Queer characters (3/3)

[1][2][3]

So then there’s Giselle (and to a less canon extent Shutara) who I think Kubo erroneously categorizes as similar to both eachother and to the above gay men stereotypes.  And I think understanding Kubo’s approach to Giselle hinges on what he set up (but didn’t follow through on) with Shutara.

I’ve mentioned before, but I’m pretty certain think Shutara Senjumaru is meant to be a kabuki onnagata*.  Not in-world, mind you; I don’t think she is somehow employed as an actor in a literal kabuki theater. (i would hope that was obvious, but one can never be too sure...)  Just like Tier Harribel isn’t literally a light skinned, dark haired person doing gyaru/ganguro fashion, her presumably naturally tan skin and blonde hair is based on the general aesthetic.  Shutara likewise is channeling distinct look and feel that draws from a mix of oiran, geisha, and kabuki aesthetics. (granted all three are closely related in influencing one another’s aesthetics in the first place)

But while the look and even the demeanor tend to play all three ways, I think the particular fixation on clothes, costuming, and the somewhat adjacent theme of “disguise” that Kubo has shown to put emphasis on in this kinds of situations, as well as the fact that he gave her a distinctly masculine name, Senjuumaru, point to her being some form of queer, albeit something Kubo seems to pretty clearly lack the understanding to better articulate himself.  Is she a trans woman?  Gender fluid?  A male identifying transvestite?  There’s not enough real material for us to draw that particular line, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to conclude that she’s not a cis woman.

*Kabuki is traditionally an all-male theater form, and “onnagata” refers to actors who specialize in playing women roles.  Generally all actors train in the delineated masculine and feminine styles, but an actor’s career sticks to just one or the other...

...There is a whole big thing about how cultural institutions like kabuki and takarazuka theaters’ creation of socially acceptable and even celebrated, public and professional genderqueer spaces creates a myriad of gender dynamics that just don’t exist in the West, and it’s something that has made the attempt to adopt a globalized understanding of queer identity a little trickier in Japan:

In the West the gender binary was rigidly enforced such that to explore alternatives was basically uncharted territory (that’s an oversimplification, but you know what I mean; There’s a lack of contiguity with those who came before) but with japan there were already nonbinary spaces in place, and the lines around those don’t neatly line up with the ethnocentric western ideas some people try to pigeonhole those into.  In general, it gets dangerously close to just flat up colonizer rhetoric.

(forgive the outdated reference image, but honestly I don’t know what even counts as a recognizable example of a “““trap””” character these days.  And I use that term with GREAT reluctance, but I want to differentiate the exploitative cliche usage of a trans caricature from any actual representational trans character.)

(ya know what, let me pull these out of the tags because not everyone is seeing this from my original post and obviously the context has changed around bridget since i wrote this... #geez this thing is so old that bridget wasn’t even reintroduced to guilty gear yet #in fact strIVe wasn’t even a thin on the horizon this far back)

Anyway...  That all just leaves Giselle.  And let’s be real, there’s no excuse for this one.  Maybe that seems like a weird anticlimactic place to take this series of posts... like, after all this, maybe it feels like I should’ve had some equally obtuse logic to explain this one away as a matter of escalation or as a Rule of Threes.  But no, not really.  I just think it’s a little unreasonable to treat the massive screwup that was Giselle’s portrayal as part of some sort of bigger ongoing trend, when it’s really more of an unrelated outlier in a bigger umbrella subject.

She is in fact a bad case of the long standing anime/manga fetishization of transwomen as a concept, as a spectacle to be gawked at and made the butt of jokes or to be included specifically as an anomaly.  And in Giselle’s case her specific depiction as a depraved, physically/sexually abusive villain on top of that is an explicitly toxic combination.

In spite of that, I still don’t think Kubo actually meant for it to reflect poorly (not that that matters or diminishes its harmfulness) I think he genuinely just has no real grasp of what that kind of characterization means.  I say that largely because of the way he treats a lot of her role in the plot.  Not that she’s integral to moving it forward, but that she occupies space and survives in the plot as long as she does, even when she could've been conveniently (and frankly more neatly) written out;

He seems to like drawing her and gives her a range of expressions and gestures (something he doesn't afford all his characters, even some of his major ones)

He likes to expand on her powers and gimmicks beyond what was necessary if he'd been aiming for minimum effort

He even paired her off against his personal favorite character, Mayuri.

Point being, Kubo seems to personally like Giselle as a character, but he took a horrible insensitive and ignorant path in writing her character.

But an undeniable fact is, she’s not alone as this kind of villain, she’s just the only one that happens to be trans.*  Mayuri himself, Aaroniero, Szayelaporro, Zomarri (just a little bit), Tousen (at the very end), Tsukishima, As Nodt, Gremmy (a little), and Askin all to some degree dip into this shtick Kubo does where his villains aren’t just sadistic but ecstatically so, to the point of intoxicated, gleeful derangement.  Yet in spite of that, those characters are all usually meant to be “cool,” not detestable.

Remember, Mayuri was initially written as, hands down, the most despicable characters in Bleach —he was abusive and sadistic, misogynistic, actually physically grotesque, predatory, dishonorable sneaky & underhanded, complicit in a genocide, just in general a clearly communicated mad scientist villain, and he was all of this in direct and deliberate contrast to Uryuu’s chivalrous personality type(already established in his defending Orihime from Jiroubou) as well as Nemu’s noble stoic subservient victimhood— and yet he’s also Kubo’s favorite character in the series.  Kubo doesn’t actually write Giselle any particularly worse than the others, BUT he also doesn’t disassociate her being trans from her being villainous, and again, even incidentally, that manages to perpetuate a harmful narrative in the overall.

*(Actually, I’ve kinda touched on it before but I sort of suspect Mayuri could be trans, in which case; OOPS, that makes two, and that doesn’t make it better....)

[1][2][3]

[secondsonaym]

(blinks my eyes cutely)

you want to buy some of my adopts sooooo bad

no, but seriously, my disabilities are currently at the point where i can work maybe a couple hours, then fatigue as well as a migraine hits me, forcing me to stop everything and spend a good chunk of time in bed so i reaaalllyyy need the support

I also have commissions open and am more confident in being able to get through them, albeit at a pretty slow pace, so if you want some pretty art from me then by all means <3

My adopts

My commissions

You can also become a ko-fi supporter to get previews/preclaims to my adopts and discounts on commissions

[sysig]

Small skeleton zine I put together as a double-sided print template test (Patreon)

Bonus clean panels under the cut

Front and back cover skeletons

Handplates babies

And terribad dad!

Longboi Jack Skellington - his legs were really fun haha

And the Riveras!

[crystalpallette]

Hello, deranged doppelquestioner here once again at 01:02 to ask the question:

How does Carbuncle have merch, let alone bootleg merch, if The Arles(collective) also have Carbuncle.

BETTER QUESTION UNLOCKED: Is Satan rich and famous and turned Carbuncle into merch(possibly puyoesque video games?) which has since been rippes off, and did The Arles take him anyways. Are The Arles down to do crime. Are The Arles down to do gay? To others because I just realized how that sounds im not that sleepy yet. They have a good role model in Ally.

Have a good day btw :3

Hi this just occured to me id have put it in the last post if I could have. Rarle and Blarle, That is all. -Dopplepondererer at approximately 01:12

rarle and blarle is hysterical thank you so much. to (finally) answer your question: the short answer is that it's "carbuncle" merch in the way that all "simple white rabbit" merch is miffy merch, if that makes sense?

the long answer is. well. i drew it.

the longer answer, because that technically doesn't answer the question very clearly either, is that this is word-of-god retconning to justify giving them something that realistically would not exist. it's "totally generic yellow rabbit" that totally isn't carbuncle. no see look the yellow rabbit doesn't have a rubelcrack. but it is... carbuncle. i swear. for the rest of the ask; i have no idea where satan is? maybe he's the ~enigmatic masked headmaster~ again. maybe he's a teacher. maybe he's... the arles's weird family friend? i'm imagining the arles live apart from their parents for [INSERT REASON HERE] and maybe satan is the dude that checks in on them sometimes on behalf of their parents. i'll figure out where he goes someday. the arles are also infinitely down to be gay do crime, though arle would need a bit more convincing than doppel. they do have a good role model in ally, tbh all of us should follow her example. love everyone and be gay about it

[front-facing-pokemon]

[thewhizzyhead]

if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-

[jedibinx]

I honestly don't know if those few who read my fics will like my next one because it's gonna be a risk but I want to explore the style of writing and the idea so badly that I'm going to take a leaf from käärijä and say "you may not like it and that's okay but I love it"

Yes, I only came up with the idea half an hour ago but I already love it.

[seastarblue]

two new WIPs on the brain… a whumpy one (@whumpdreaming this is YOUR FAULT) and a field guide type story…

hrm…