#i dunno how to explain it in a clearer way . . . but yeah

[pinkmirth]

i dunno if y’all get what i mean when i say this, but reiner looks like his name would start with a ‘g’ . . .

[carlsangel]

DON’T BE SORRY

carl grimes x reader

(carl comforts you.)

tags: angst, fluff.

masterlist here!

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM, DEATH

You used to feel so alone, so empty. Like nothing could fill the pit in your heart where you stored the love from your family. They were everything to you, losing them made you feel endless pain that would never go away. You couldn’t cope with it all, you only felt pure affliction.

The one way you knew how to cope was something you had to hide, at least you felt that way. You didn’t know what to do without your family, you’d felt like somehow it was all your fault. Maybe you could’ve done something, be more useful and actually save them. Maybe it wasn’t helpful to take it out on yourself instead of putting the anger towards what actually killed your family, the walkers. You couldn’t help it though. You truly felt you killed your family.

It occurred to you that maybe the last thing you’d need in this world was to inflict more pain on yourself but it had somehow made you feel better, like you were getting what you deserved. You could get by a while without hurting yourself but occasionally situations would happen that reminded you of everything.

There was one time in particular that really got to you. You were tracking a deer for a while, granted tracking wasn’t your best strong suit but you thought you’d give it a shot. You followed it for hours. You successfully shot it and it ran but it didn’t get far. When you got to it, it was taken down by a swarm of walkers. It just looked too much like when the same thing happened to your family. You burst into tears and ran.

It was a common thing for this to happen but one day, someone saved you from the swarm. He came in with a couple others and they took them down for you and invited you back to their settlement. You almost wanted to say no. You didn’t want to risk caring for more people, losing them and then pay the price for that loss.

The boy who saved you was named Carl, he was your age and he quickly became your best friend, eventually your boyfriend. He managed to make you feel okay about everything. He told you how it wasn’t your fault, that you shouldn’t blame yourself for the death of your family. He was so gentle with the way he treated and loved you. There’s nothing he loved more than gently kissing around your body but you made it a point to him to not kiss your arms, you tended to pull away.

You didn’t want him to know, you were worried of what he’d think of you. He never gave you a reason to believe he’d be angry at you or anything like that but you were still nervous about it. He never wanted to pry as to why you didn’t want him kissing your arms because he respected you enough to not mention it unless you did.

You never planned on telling him, but you didn’t want him to find out either. Unfortunately, when he did find out, it wasn’t on your own terms.

“Hey wake up.” Carl pokes at you while you were sleeping peacefully in your bed (you guys had nightly sleepovers.) You pry your eyes open and look up at him, sort of giving him a mean look for waking you up. “Cranky.” He says, looking down at you with a cute little smile. “Yeah cranky. I’m so sleepy.” You sit up and yawn while he walks around the room. “We have to go check the snares my dad put out yesterday. He’s hoping for rabbits.” Carl explains, grabbing clothes from your closet and tossing them at you.

“Rabbits? For what?” You stand up slowly, stretching out your limbs. “Uhh I think Carol wants to make some stew. I dunno.” He replies briefly. You finish up changing and arm yourself with a handgun as well as a large knife. You both head out to go check the snares. The first two you checked were empty, which made sense since Rick set them out late last night in clearer areas.

When you get to the last snare, the both of you were pleased to find out that it caught a larger rabbit. You unlatch it and pack it away. “Carol’s gonna be excited. I know she’s been wanting to make stew for a while-” You were cut off by the sound of guttural screams coming from somewhere deep in the forest. There was no doubt you’d follow them to help whoever it was.

You and Carl ran through the woods, following the screams with your guns in hand. The screams get louder and louder as you approach and you pray that you’ll be able to save them. When you reach them, it was too late. The man was already on the floor, being ripped to shreds by the undead. Carl was with you, but somehow that didn’t seem to help this time. You remember your family, you couldn’t save this man just like you couldn’t save them. You run off back home, not even taking the walkers out, not waiting for Carl.

You go home in tears, you walk up the stairs not acknowledging anyone else who lived in the house because you simply couldn’t look at anyone. You change your clothes to try and distract from the pain of it all and blink your tears away. You stand for a moment trying to navigate what exactly to do next but your mind strays to one solution. You walk over to your dresser and dig to the bottom where you kept a little box. The little box where you kept razors. Every time Carl looked for clothes for you, you were worried he’d find it. He never did.

You grab the box and contemplate for a moment. Did you want to do this? It’s been a while since you last indulged but something about this time was different. You head over to the bathroom and shut the door. You breathe heavily, thinking about the man. His life ended because you didn’t run fast enough. Your mind was made up.

You sit on the edge of the tub and set the box of razors on the toilet lid. You open it and take one out, looking at it while wiping your tears away. You slide your sleeve down a little and stare at the scars from past times you’d done this before. You go for it, but are interrupted by the sound of voices downstairs. You listen for a moment before putting the blade back up to your arm. Before you know it, Carl bursts into the bathroom.

“Oh, I-I’m sorry-” He looks at you and the blade in your hands as you scramble to put it away and hide the box. “N-no I’m sorry I shouldn’t be…” Your voice trails off as you try to find the words to explain yourself. “Don’t be sorry.” He walks closer to you and kneels so he can see you better. He takes off his hat and places it on the counter. He rests his hands on your knees as he looks at you with pure love.

“Is that why you don’t like the kisses?” He lifts his hand up to wipe the tears from your face. He holds your cheek delicately and you nod into his hand. More tears roll down your face and he leans in closer to kiss them away. “They told me you were upset.” He says, referring to the Alexandrians you lived with. “It was the man, wasn’t it?” He holds your hands, gripping them tightly. You nod once more. He pulls your hand up to kiss them. “That’s not your fault. None of this is your fault okay? I promise you, I’d never lie to you.” He murmurs, kissing your hands between each sentence. You knew he was being honest, he always was. Carl never beat around the bush, but he was never brutally honest, he was always soft with you.

“Can I…?” He gestures to your arms and looks to you for approval. You look at him and hesitate but nod, sniffling a bit. He rolls your sleeve down slowly and he looks at you before leaning down to place soft kisses over your scars. Didn’t leave a single one un-kissed. He pulled the sleeve down your other arm and repeats the process. Every single scar was kissed. He always knew how to make you feel loved. He looks at you and studies your face like he’s done thousands of times before. He leans up to kiss your nose, then your forehead and then your cheek.

Carl leans forward and hugs you tightly. He sits there and tells you how much he loves you over and over.

Now, your heart feels fuller than ever.

a/n: i hope i did this well, i really like it even though i’ve never written a fic like this before. it took me a while to get out bc i really did my research for it to make it best i could. i also had a ton of school stuff to deal with. thank you anon for the request <3 my inbox is nowww empty so if you guys want plsss send some requests.

[bow-of-aros]

Well if I’m Dead, and You’re Dead, Then Who’s Driving the Bus?!

Edwin's been a little tense and Charles offers to help him relax. (No not like that you freaks)

-

Hey guys! School's started back up and it's kicking my ass a little, so I decided to write a soft moment to comfort myself. And to also ignore the cancellation because that's just upsetting. I hope that y'all enjoy <33

-

“I swear on my life, I will kill you.”

Edwin’s craning his neck to look up at Charles from where he’s trapped face down on the couch, threatening tone wobbling dangerously as a smile fought against the stern line of Edwin’s lips.

This had started innocuously enough, Edwin had mentioned that he was stressed and Charles offered a solution from when he’d been alive.

“My mum used to do it when I was little and couldn’t fall asleep,” Charles had explained, a bit of red creeping up into his cheeks, “It always helped calm me down when I had lots of energy, so I’m thinking it might do the same for you, yeah?”

It had been offered so earnestly, a fond memory and a chance at relief, all in one.

So, of course, Edwin had complied when Charles had told him to lie down on the couch. Of course he hadn’t asked questions after Charles insisted on it being a surprise. Of course he had allowed Charles to settle himself over Edwin, welcomed it, even, and had subsequently ignored the fluttering of a no longer beating heart at the warmth of his friend.

The featherlight touch on his back had been a surprise, although not an unwelcome one. It was only after a few seconds that Edwin found himself tensing up rather than relaxing. It was only after Charles strayed too close to his side and he flinched away did both of them realized what was happening.

Which leads them back to, “Well, you don’t have a life anymore. Because you’re dead. And you can’t kill me. Because I’m also dead.”

Edwin buries his head back into the sofa, but he can still hear the shit-eating grin that’s surely found its home on Charles’ face.

“So,” Charles continues, “Why don’t you just sit back, relax, and let me work my magic.”

“Charles, I really don’t think that is necessar—ah!”

The deft fingers return to his back, this time with a mission in mind. They swirl across Edwin’s shoulder blades, eliciting breathy titters before skittering down his spine, prompting clearer, more high-pitched giggles.

It was only when Charles reached his lower back that Edwin put more than a half-hearted effort into his struggles.

“Wahahait! Not there! Charles plehehease!”

“I dunno, mate,” Charles said, although he did move, choosing to instead crawl his fingers up the back of Edwin’s ribs, “Seems like it’s doing its job, yeah?”

The question gave Edwin pause, and after a quick catalogue of his physical and mental faculties, he found that he was feeling much more relaxed. The constant push to be doing something has quieted, replaced by a gentle buzz that’s settled itself under his skin.

He just doesn’t have the room in his brain to worry about anything other than the little zaps of electricity thrumming through his veins.

It’s quite nice, actually.

Then, Charles starts making his way back down and all kind thoughts fly out of his brain and are replaced by, “No! Charles! I’m relaxed I prohohomise!”

Charles, in his infinite generosity, releases Edwin from his clutches.

“See? I can already tell that you’re feeling bet—oof.”

Edwin flipped himself over, tugging Charles down on top of him, and settled his chin atop the mess of curls, letting out a bone-deep sigh. He ensures to wind his arms loosely around Charles, so that he may escape if he wishes to do so, but instead, Charles presses his nose into Edwin’s neck in the way he is so fond of, and worms his arms between Edwin and the sofa in order to hold them tight.

In response, Edwin allows his own arms to tighten as the rest of whatever tension he still held seeps into the sofa.

“See? Look at how relaxed you are! Works every time.”

Edwin feels the words more than he hears them and he scoffs lightly, swiping a thumb across the nape of Charles’ neck just to hear the sharp intake of breath that follows.

“Yes Charles, I’ll be sure to remember then when I decide that you need to wind down, shall I?”

Instead of pushing things any further, Edwin begins playing with the short hairs on the back of Charles’ head and smiles fondly as Charles manages to sag into him even more.

A small grumble sounds from Edwin’s chest and he can’t help but laugh.

“I didn’t quite catch that. Would you mind repeating yourself while you’re not practically eating my jacket?”

“Ugh,” Charles turns his head as though it carries the weight of a thousand Suns and says, “I said, I’m proper winded down right now, so we don’t need to worry about all that now do we?”

As Charles settles back into whatever configuration he swears is comfortable, Edwin says, “I suppose you’re correct. It’s best we get some rest, we have a long eternity of solving cases ahead of us.”

“Yeah. Resting was my idea.”

“That makes sense, it is rather brills, as you would say.”

Edwin can feel Charles’ smile, and spares a moment to mourn the fact that he cannot see it before appreciating the fact that he had the privilege to draw it out at all.

“Yeah yeah. G’night Eds. Love you.”

“Yes Charles, I love you too.”

It’s alright, Edwin had the rest of forever to see that smile anyway.

[boxfullaturtles]

Once upon a time, I had an idea for a Rise x FFXV fic. I'm not going to write it because I'm not THAT crazy, but here's a bit I wrote for it at the time because I still think about it sometimes.

Mostly for the silly hahas and the angst and how now everyone has to ride chocobos because the party no longer fits in the car lol.

Anyway, here's this. Uh, lead up? Someone was stealing supplies from the campsites while the Chocobros were out. Manage to track the thief down and it's two turtles? And one of them's really hurt? Would it be a lie to say stranger things have happened to these guys?

-----------

“So, what are you guys anyway?” Prompto asks the question through a mouthful of meat, looking Mikey up and down with unashamed curiosity.

“Dude, really?” Noct elbows Prompto in the ribs, almost tipping him over, “They’re obviously turtles.”

“Hey!” Prompto aims a sloppy kick at Noct, missing by a mile, “I meant why are they turtles walking on two legs and talking!”

Ignis loudly clears his throat when Noct and Prompto start kicking at each other. They immediately settle down and tuck back into their dinner.

Mikey hides a laugh as he answers, “Weelllll, we’re mutants! We used to be regular turtles, but then we got combined with some ooze and human DNA and BAM! Instant mutant turtle, baby!” He shrugs at the blank looks he gets from the four humans, “It’s kind of a long story. And complicated.”

When he doesn’t continue, Prompto raises his eyebrows expectantly. But Mikey just takes another bite of food and doesn’t elaborate. Noct trades a glance with Gladio and then with Ignis. The crackling of the campfire fills the silence.

“You mentioned earlier,” Ignis finally tip-toes carefully into the awkward space, “That you believe you and your brother to be...lost?”

“Brothers,” Mikey corrects and it’s the most solemn he’s sounded all day. He lowers his fork so it rests absently on the edge of his plate, staring into the fire, “There’s four of us. Me, Leo and Donnie, and our big brother Raph. I don’t...I don’t know how we got here. It’s all messed up in my head, just confusion and light and…” He takes a deep breath, “I don’t know what happened. I just remember trying to grab onto my brothers but we all got ripped away from each other and then,” He shrugs absently, gaze distant, “I dunno, I woke up somewhere I didn’t know. Wandered around until I managed to find Leo.”

“Leo, he say how he got hurt?” Gladio asks, “It looks like a real nasty voretooth bite but—”

“Yeah, and how come you guys were in a cave instead of a Haven?” Prompto interrupts, “Can’t believe you weren’t attacked this whole time!”

Mikey blinks, “A Haven? What’s a Haven?”

“This is a Haven,” Ignis explains over Noct hissing things at Prompto, “They are safe places that protect travelers from the dangers of the night. Their blessing keeps evil at bay.”

“Oh,” Mikey looks down at the gently glowing runes beneath his feet. It’s darker now, the only remains of the sun a pale red stripe along the horizon, and they blue glow is brighter, clearer, “Huh.”

He’d felt something whenever he set foot on the runes, some kind of tingling warmth washing over him like a gentle tide. But he’d never lingered long enough to chase the feeling or find its source. He’s about to reach out to it with his Ninpō, just to see what would happen, when there comes a sound from the darkness beyond the Haven.

Something flares in the night, darker than black, a frothing void of pitch and foul tar. It yawns open, boiling at the edges as the world crumples to make way for it, and a grotesque creature unfolds from within it, spilling out into the night. It’s yards away, barely visible, but Mikey can just make out the writhing tentacles from the starlight alone.

His throat closes and he’s on his feet, his nunchaku in his hands. A terrified, dizzying nausea is making his gut churn, heart racing so hard its like it’s trying to tear from his chest. He swear he can feel the thing’s eyes on him in the dark, just at the edge of where the firelight can reach. Rage and terror boil inside him, his mind racing. Can he protect everyone here? Can he keep Leo safe? He doesn’t see a metal suit so maybe—

A hand presses on his shell and Mikey starts badly, nearly swinging his nunchaku up to hit whoever touched him.

Ignis doesn’t even flinch at Mikey’s aborted movement, just keeps a calm expression, patient as he looks out into the dark, “A mindflayer. Rather nasty foe and one I would not recommend facing alone.” He turns back to Mikey, keeping a steady hand on the curve of Mikey’s shell, “It’s quite all right, Michelangelo, daemons cannot come near Havens. As I said, they are warded against evil. For one to spawn so close is unusual, but it won’t be able to get any closer. There, see,” Ignis nods his head as indication, “It’s already drifting away.”

Mikey glances from Ignis back to the thing that had crawled into existence—the mindflayer. It’s no longer facing them, already disappearing into the shadows of the trees and fading out of sight. Mikey tries to steady his shaking breath and lets his arms fall to his sides, ends of his weapons knocking against his legs.

They’re safe here. They’re really, actually safe.

[chipped-chimera]

So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡���💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

[lavvythejackalope]

I just remembered something funny that happened to me a year or so ago.

For those who don't know, I was under the impression that i was a Very Normal neurotypical person for the first couple decades of my life.

My mother and I were the only two people on this green planet who were under this impression, which is clearer in retrospect. But around age 30 I started learning more, reading more about it, and kinda got slapped with the realization all at once: yeah babe, you're some kinda flavor of autistic/divergent. We dunno what kind, but neutorypical ain't on the table. So the last couple years have been me sorta... learning to accept that, and examining a lot of things about myself that I'd kind of unconsciously ignored or swept under the rug before. It's a little unsettling at times, but other times it's kinda fun to find out that these experiences have names and that some people feel the same way, and that lots of people don't. All very new to me.

So anyway, I was working as a compost collector (think garbage man but only the stinky stuff) and was stopped to have a conversation with a very lovely, friendly fellow who was a neighbor of one of my pickups. He was pretty clearly also some flavor of neurodivergent (impressively so, since it was clear even to me). While we were chatting, I had to ask him to repeat himself a couple times because of traffic, which wasn't loud or frequent. I explained that I could hear his voice, but it was difficult to differentiate the words he was using. This was the first time I was told about auditory processing disorder, as this fellow merrily explained it to me, and added that it was "A very common thing for people like us."

What a wild, wild experience it was for me to hear those words. "people like us." At that moment, I wasn't even certain what he meant, because I was still tangling with this being part of my identity. It wasn't until we parted ways and I was driving off to my next stop that I thought, "Oh. He's autistic. I'M autistic." And to feel so immediately seen (clocked?) by someone else who was a stranger to me, but recognized these aspects of me seemingly at a glance, because they were familiar to him. I really hope he's doing well, I never ended up seeing him again after I left the job.

I didn't think too much about the encounter. I had a lot on my plate at the time. But I have a shit memory, so the fact I remember it at all is a testament to how much that interaction stuck out to me. It took me a long time to admit how alien I often felt around other people growing up. The feeling has lessened not because I conformed more or became better at understanding social situations, but because I ended up surrounding myself with a ring of lovely people who are pretty much also all some flavor of divergent, who didn't need me to dance the social dances with them. In retrospect, though, those words from that older gent who I only met once really stuck with me.

It's a very common thing, for people like us.

[an-ecu-harrypotter-au]

TPS Part 8: Visions And Vines

Ah wake up in the mornin after a bad dream. Ah gotta tell Jacklin bout it but Ah also gotta make sure Ah know wha's happened. Ah'm sittin wit 'er fer breakfast an see she's done talkin.

"Jacklin. Ah got somethin Ah gotta tell ya."

"What is it, Toby?"

Ah take a breath cause Ah know she probly ain't gonna believe me on this.

"You'll believe me right?"

"If it's something that's so bad that it could affect the other students then yes. Headmaster Dumbledore would have to know if the school could be in danger."

"If Ah tell ya Ah dunno if it could affect the other students, would ya still wanna know?"

"Yes, Toby. If it's that bad you need to tell me."

Ah jus' whisper it cause even though Ah don’t wanna look at Jacklin Ah gotta tell 'er.

"Dumbledore's gonna die."

"Did you see anything like a flash of green or anyone's face, Toby?"

"Ah saw a big flash of green, yeah."

Ah remember seein' a big flash a green an' then nothin'. Ah don’t remember seein' no actual faces.

"That's the killing curse. Someone's going to kill the Headmaster."

"But Jacklin, Ah don't… Ah don' want anyone ta die. And Ah don' want anyone ta know tha Ah saw this… this…"

Ah feel tha tears an' Ah just wanna hide mah head. But Jacklin lifts mah chin an' makes me look at 'er.

"I know that you don't want anyone to die. You have this ability and you don't know how to control it. Professor Trelawney might be able to help you have clearer visions so you can have a better chance of doing something about them."

Ah wanna believe 'er but Ah don’t really wanna take the risk. Ah don’t wanna see anythin’ like it agin.

"Am Ah… am Ah… am Ah a bad person, Jacklin?"

"No. You remember when I talked about what it means to be a Seer right?"

"Yeah. Ya gotta have some kinda inner eye ta see inta the future. Can't always control what they see an when. But Ah still all weird round here."

Ah start rubbin the space in between mah eyes. Ah can feel mahself gettin fuzzy till Ah shake mah head.

"You should have a drink of pumpkin juice, Toby. You look pale and need the sugar to feel better."

"Ok."

Ah take a sip a juice. Ah start hummin' a song till Ah see Jacklin lookin at me.

"Is that a popular human song where you're from?"

"It's called "Home, Home On The Range". Ah dunno if it's real popular though."

"On the range of what?"

"It's a place wit a big ol' sky an a lotta grass an a lotta animals."

"That would explain why I never heard of that term. We don't have that in the UK."

Ah forget bout hummin' an Ah feel like Ah'd really like ta go home, but Ah know it ain't ok ta leave fer home yet.

"Do you know where Charms class is, Toby?"

"No, Ah was gonna follow ya ta class."

"Oh. That's alright. This year, the classroom is in the South Tower in Class 99. We need to go all the way up to the 7th floor and go right to use the stairs going up the tower."

"Ok."

Ah follow Jacklin an we start headin' fer the stairs. We end up on the 3rd floor.

"Oh dear we're lost. We need to go into Charms corridor to find Professor Flitwick's office."

"Ah thought Dumbledore said we ain't allowed here."

"I know, Toby. But at least if we can find Professor Flitwick we can get figure out how the way to get class."

"Ok."

Ah look over at the ceilin an floor tha's all carved stone an' all the walls an' windows have paintin's on 'em. Ah wonder how this place would look, if Ah was a ghost.

"I hope this is Professor Flitwick's office so he can help us."

Ah look over an see Jacklin's at a door. Ah decide ta jus push the door open. There's this real big 3 headed dog an he's lookin mean.

"Bark! Bark! Bark!"

"Ahhhh!"

We get outta the room's fast as we can.

"What on earth was that!?"

Ah look over at Jacklin an Ah feel a little sorry bout somehow knowin somethin she don't.

"Oh, yeah, tha's Fluffy, the guard dog."

"How do you know that?"

"Ah dunno. Somethin in mah gut tol me Jacklin."

Ah don't know why Ah said that. Girls usually don't like talkin bout guts.

"Strange they got a big ol dog stuck up in that room though."

"There was a trap door so it must be guarding something."

We manage ta get back on track when Ah get an idea.

"Jacklin... Ah think Ah got somethin."

"What do you think it is?"

"Ah think that trap door's there ta hide the Philosfer's Stone."

"How do you know what the Philosopher's Stone is?"

"Well, Ah dunno fer sure, but mah gut's jus tellin me that."

Ah start followin’ Jacklin agin up the next flight a stairs. Ah wonder wha's gonna happen in there.

"There it is, Toby. I see Professor Flitwick by the door."

Ah look at Flitwick an’ Ah feel like Ah’ve seen him before. Jacklin starts makin’ her way inside tha room.

"Good morning, Professor Flitwick. I'm Jacklin Gryffindor."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Miss Gryffindor. It really is an honor to have you in my class."

Ah walk in with Jacklin an’ fer once we ain't sittin tagether. Ah ain't too upset bout it cause Jacklin's still close by.

"Everyone be seated so we can start today's lesson. Now I want everyone to present your wands."

Ah look at Flitwick. He looks like a squirrel with the way his eyes dart back an forth. Ah pull mah wand out an Ah hope Flitwick don't notice mah wand's different.

"Now today we will be going over how your wand type will affect your ability to perform charms. After all each wand has a unique skillset to reflect the parts that were used to make it. However, I personally believe that with a lot of practice anyone can pass my class even if their wand isn't meant for charms."

Ah pay close attention cause even though Ah know mah wand's fer nature type a magic, maybe there's a real good job Ah can do one day.

Time Skip

Flitwick gets ta a list a different jobs we can do based on what we specialize in. Ah'm real excited now cause Ah wanna get somethin Ah'm good at.

"Mr. Kwimper and some of you have wands that indicate strong connections with people and nature. That of course translates very well with Potions and Herbology which are very important elements of Healing magic. However to be a Healer you also need to excel in Charms, Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts."

Ah start ta feel a lil discouraged. Bein a Healer sounds good but Ah dunno if Ah'm gonna be good nough ta be one.

"Therefore if any of you feel that being a Healer is right for you, I want you all to use that passion to fuel you when you study. You may not be the best duelists if you have a unicorn hair core, but it is the connections with people and nature that make for great Healers."

Ah look at mah wand an Ah notice it's a real good-lookin’ wand. Ah feel better bout not bein able ta do everythang. Ah wanna be a Healer an help people. Flitwick sayin Ah might have a chance's good nough fer me.

"For Thursday, I want you all to practice the spells listed in Chapter 1: An Introduction to Charms. You will all demonstrate these spells in class. You're all dismissed."

Ah pack up mah stuff an Ah just start followin' Jacklin down tha hall. She's leadin’ me somewhere an Ah don't wanna be left behind.

"Let me see now. Class 72 should be somewhere along this corridor."

"Class 72?"

"Yes, it’s where we have to go for History of Magic."

Ah follow her down a long, dark corridor. It’s real spooky walkin' alone in tha coldness an’ darkness. But Jacklin’s in front a me an she ain’t even scared, so Ah follow 'er.

"We ain’t gonna fall asleep, are we, Jacklin?"

"Of course not. Professor Binns is a ghost. A ghost teacher would be too exciting for students like you who haven't been around them. Besides history is actually a fascinating subject that talks about not just wizard history, but other magical creatures."

"Yeah. Ah guess so. Ah’m jus' wonderin’ wha tha Binns ghost might look like."

"He died before 1890 so he's going to look very different than a typical old man."

"He’s not a meanie, is he?"

"I don't believe he would be. Headmaster Dumbledore wouldn't have a professor teaching something they're not good at."

We sit down an the bell rings. Binns' ghost comes right through a blackboard. Me an a couple other kids get all scared.

"Hello. It is I, Professor Binns again. For the first class I will begin with… the early origin… of witches and wizards. In the UK.... Ollivanders..... was founded after the.... Roman conquest of Britain... in the year... 43."

Ah start ta realize it's gonna be much harder ta stay awake than Ah thought.

Time Skip

"Alright, Toby. We're done with classes for today."

Ah’m so sleepy Ah can barely walk.

"Are you having a vision, Toby?"

"Nah. But Ah still dunno why Ah keep seein Dumbledore dyin."

"What did you see?"

"Some guy in black usin a green flash an then he's fallin off a tower."

Ah feel tears comin' inta mah eyes as it seems like no one can help me, an’ Ah'm gonna have ta find out the hard way.

"We have the rest of the day to ourselves. I think it’s important to try to rest."

Ah'm so scared like Ah got Spiderman instincts that Ah jus start runnin ta mah dorm room.

"Don’t run in the corridors. You’re going to get hurt."

Ah turn round an Ah see tha prefect comin' towards me. Ah’m not really tryin' ta run, but Ah’m still shakin’ real bad. Ah'm startin ta cry.

"Come now, come now. What has you all in a tizzy?"

"Ah've been seein scary thangs bout people gettin hurt. Ah dunno what ta do!"

"In that case I’ll escort you to Professor Trelawney. She'll know how to tend to you."

Ah sniffle a little as mah prefect puts his arm round mah shoulders. Ah hope Professor Trelawney can help me... or at least tell me what is happenin’ to me.

Time Skip

Ah don't remember wha happened but Ah somehow managed ta get back ta mah dorm an sleep like the dead. It's mornin when Ah wake up feelin really hungry.

"Mmm..."

Trevor ribbits an Ah smile a lil.

"Awright Trevor Ah'll get yer eats. Ah know ya like wormies so Ah'll get ya a wormy. There ya go lil buddy."

Trevor stops eatin' ta look at me. Trevor looks all happy. Ah pet him very gently an’ he croaks his thanks.

"Ah'm gonna go an get somethin ta eat mahself."

Ah head ta tha Great Hall ta eat breakfast an feel somethin in mah pocket.

"Ooh Ah got a chocolate bar."

Ah chew slowly an' start hummin' while Ah chew. Ah make mah way ta the Great Hall an Ah see Jacklin wit 'er white hair.

"Hey, Jacklin!"

"Are you feeling better, Toby?"

"Uh huh."

"That's very nice to hear."

Ah finish mah chocolate bar an get mahself some hash browns an pancakes.

"I can only imagine how hungry you're feeling given that you missed lunch and dinner yesterday."

Ah eat some hash browns first, cause Ah think they might get cold before Ah can eat ‘em later. Then Ah start on some pancakes. Ah look over ta Jacklin an’ Ah see that she's startin’ ta stare at mah belly.

"How are you able to eat so much? Are you having a growth spurt, Toby?"

"Tha’d be really good if Ah was! Maybe Ah could finally grow some more inches."

Ah look real embarrassed now, 'cause Ah'm sure Ah have a lotta food in mah stomach even if Ah don't realize it.

"Ah ain’t fat, am Ah?"

"No. You need to have fat tissue to help you grow. Especially if you’re having a growth spurt."

"Taller's not normal fer me though. How tall do ya figure Ah might get?"

"It’s possible for you to be 6 feet tall. You might be the type of boy who grows into someone with a lot muscles and all the girls would want to date you."

Ah start blushin an get all embarrassed.

"Why'd ya gotta be bringin girls inta this? Ah don't wanna be bothered by a lotta girls who only like mah looks then say Ah'm a dummy."

"Oh don't be embarrassed, Toby. You never know how puberty will change how we look. I think if you do grow up to be tall and handsome, any girl who's worth being your friend would never make fun of you."

Ah smile a lil. Jacklin's real good at makin me feel good bout mahself. Ah try ta think bout what'll if happen when Ah do grow up. Ah still ain't so sure bout the handsome part, but Ah can see mahself as bein tall.

"Maybe puberty ain't gonna be scary as Ah thought."

The bell starts ringin.

"Awright time ta go ta Potions."

Time Skip

"For Friday, I want a 2 inch scroll about the Hair-Raising Potion. You may leave now."

Ah walk wit Jacklin as we all move on ta Herbology.

"Ya wanna know somethin, Jacklin?"

"What is it, Toby?"

"Today, there'll be a problem wit some a the plants that'll keep us out a class. Sprout'll want us ta help an Ah'll be able ta see Pacer agin."

"I see. If your vision is right, then we should see her trying to clear up an out of control plant. I already know that we have Herbology with Hufflepuff so you're right about seeing your friend again"

Ah get a lil happy bout that. Ah hope Pacer likes Herbology so we can work wit Sprout tagether.

"Whoa! Careful, Toby!"

Ah stop ta see a weird black type a plant's kinda slitherin round on the ground.

"That's Devil's Snare. Professor Sprout is trying to control it."

"Don't get any closer, dears. Devil's Snare coils up when you touch it. Use the Fire-Making spell to draw it back inside."

"Yes, Professor Sprout."

Ah have ta pay attention ta what Jacklin says cause Ah don't wanna mess up the spell.

"Incendio!"

Ah see fire come outta Jacklin's wand an' Ah what ta do now.

"Incendio."

After a few minutes we get the Devil's Snare's under control. Professor Sprout smiles at us.

"Well done, dears! 10 points to Gryffindor each."

Ah look at Jacklin's smilin' face, an' Ah can't help but grin a little.

"The rest of your class is here. Just in time."

Ah look an see Pacer wit the Hufflepuffs. Ah go on up ta him.

"Pacer hi!"

"Hello, Toby. Vhat did you do for da professor?"

"Me an Jacklin helped 'er get some Devil's Snare back inside the greenhouse. Ah ain't ever worked wit that type a plant before but Ah like workin gardens so Ah think Ah'm gonna like this class. How about you?"

"Oh yes my moder has a greenhouse for a lot of medicinal plants. Dat is because she vorks vith my fader in running our family apotecary."

Ah try ta imagine a greenhouse tha's bout as big as this one. A real young Pacer helpin his parents wit different plants like ginger an lavender.

"I have to go sit vith my class. It vas nice talking vith you, Toby."

Ah wave bye ta him an get settled next ta Jacklin. Ah'm real curious about what'll come next.

"As you can see dearies, this is Devil's Snare. You must take very good care of yourselves when handling this. Given that they are sensitive to light all of the windows are of course open."

Time Skip

"Can I talk vith you Professor Sprout?"

"Ah gotta ask ya somethin ma'am."

Me an Pacer go up ta Sprout at the same time when class ends. Pacer got ta 'er first so Ah let 'em speak first.

"I vas vondering if you vant any students helping you."

"And do you want to ask me the same thing Mr. Kwimper?"

Ah nod at 'er cause even witout the House points Ah wanna be part a somethin Ah'm good at.

"How thoughtful dearies! Mr. Kwimper you already helped enough for today. I'll ask you if you can help after one of my lectures when I'm ready. If you have a free period Mr. Burton, I would love your help trimming some dittany."

"Yes Professor Sprout. My moder asked me to do dat before in her own greenhouse."

"Excellent!"

Ah wave bye ta Pacer an go back ta mah dorm room. Ah need a lil nap before Ah work on mah scroll wit Jacklin.

Time Skip

"Uh, Jacklin, can Ah ask ya somethin'?"

"Of course, Toby."

"Ya say a lotta wizards fly a broom cause we gotta learn ta fly 1st year but somethin bout it don't make sense. Why can't yer dad jus pick up yer letters himself?"

"My father is always traveling so it wouldn't be practical for him to constantly travel to Hogwarts. Flying from say France to Scotland would take way too long if this was an emergency. Also depending on where you are, humans can easily see you fly on a broom which is against our laws meant to keep magic a secret. That's why I was told by my father to send all of my letters to Gryffindor Manor. Mother sends them to where ever he is once she gets them."

"But what if yer awready at home? Can't ya magic yer letters ta him?"

She looks at me an Ah hope Ah ain't bein a dummy.

"Wizards under the age of 17 can't do magic outside of school. We all have the Trace which specifically goes off if we willingly perform it. I can't use a spell to send them until the Trace disappears on my 17th birthday at midnight."

"Oh. Ok."

Time Skip

"Of course Slytherin is joining us for this class."

"And tha's bad somehow?"

"Well.... I'm just concerned that there are some in Slytherin that won't be as friendly with you about your condition. I don't know that for sure but it's a concern."

Ah look who Ah'm gonna have ta spend the day wit an' Ah can't help but sigh. Ah've been lookin forward ta the first lesson.

"Everyone line up! My name is Madam Hooch and today we will learn the basics of broom control."

Ah line up in front a mah broom.

"I want you all to raise your hand over your broom and say "Up" with authority."

Ah follow Hooch's directions an' raise mah hand.

"Up! Up! Up!"

Mah broom don't move.

"Up!"

Jacklin's broom goes ta 'er on the first try.

"Up please!"

Sayin please worked an Ah'm real happy bout it.

"Well done, Mr. Kwimper."

After a few minutes everybody's got their brooms. Madam Hooch pulls out 'er whistle.

"Now mount your brooms and keep steady. Rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly."

Ah get on mah broom an even though it's like ridin a horse Ah'm real nervous. Ah can't stop thinkin' how high Ah might fall from.

"Now give your broom a nice kick."

Ah look round fer a second, sighin. Ah give mah broom the best kick Ah can. The broom flies a little too high.

"Mr. Kwimper?"

Ah keep tryna make it fly down. Mah feet are startin’ ta shake. Ah keep thinkin bout fallin. Ah feel like Ah’m gonna pass out cause Ah can't stop mah broom.

"Mr. Kwimper!"

Ah faint an Ah dunno wha happened next.

Jacklin's POV

"Ahhhhh! He's falling!"

Some girls scream as I watch Toby fall. I instinctively swoop down and catch him with my broomstick. While it is impressive of me to handle the extra weight, my flying is so sloppy it was all I could do to land without crashing. My fellow Gryffindors cheer for me while some of the Slytherins laugh at Toby.

"Bloody hell did you see that catch?! She's amazing!"

"Ha! Kwimper went and got himself sick!

Madam Hooch comes up to us.

"Miss Gryffindor, I’m taking you to Professor McGonagall. I have never seen such skill from a first year. 50 points to Gryffindor for your heroism."

"Thank you, Madam Hooch. I hope Toby will be alright."

She looks at Toby shaking her head and starts to carry him.

"This boy certainly isn't meant for flying. I'll have to discuss this with the Headmaster."

I follow Madam Hooch as she brings you to the Hospital Wing.

"Madam Pomfrey please attend to Mr. Kwimper. He's come down with a bizarre case of motion sickness. Either that or a severe case of acrophobia."

"I see. Set him down on the cot there."

I watch as Madam Hooch lays Toby down on a cot.

"Come along now Miss Gryffindor. I'm sure Professor McGonagall would be very pleased to hear the news."

I leave the Hospital Wing hoping Toby will be alright.

"Madam Hooch may I ask what you wanted to ask Professor McGonagall?"

"Of course dear. I believe you have a strong instinct for flying and such skill must be developed. Your flying ability while still sloppy, is far more advanced than a first year student."

I follow her to Professor McGonagall's office.

"Excuse me, Professor McGonagall."

"Yes Madam Hooch, what is it?"

"Due to the specific nature of my recent class, I believe Miss Gryffindor would be eligible to tryout for your Quidditch team."

Professor McGonagall looks up from her papers.

"And what exactly has Miss Gryffindor demonstrated?"

"She was able to successfully dive to save Mr. Kwimper when he lost control of his broom. Despite the sudden weight she was able to land without crashing."

She raises an eyebrow.

"I see. I will consult with Headmaster Dumbledore about whether an exception can be made. At the very least we will have to determine if it would be possible to for her to take an elective in place of Flying."

"Thank you professor. And now Miss Gryffindor I'm willing to let you skip this class for today. You may make use of your free time as you wish."

I nod as I go back to the Hospital Wing.

Toby's POV

Ah get a few hours sleep an' try ta not feel like Ah'm a failure. Ah couldn't even fly a lil without faintin. Ah feel like Ah jus don't belong.

"Are you feeling better, Toby?"

"Yeah, Ah kinda just wanna forget 'bout it, but Ah guess Ah can't do that even if Ah wanted ta."

"I know. Madam Hooch was concerned that you were looking sick and out of control. When you fell off your broom I swooped down on my broom to catch you before you hit the ground."

"Why’d you do that? Why not jus' let me fall? Why go through the trouble?"

Ah can't understand why she had ta make me feel more barrassed by doin' somethin good fer me. Jus when Ah thought she was gonna call me a dummy, she goes an starts bein’ nice ta me.

"Toby if I let you fall, then you would have died. You were falling head first at a dangerous height. I merely acted on pure instinct."

"Yeah. Yer right. Maybe Ah'm worryin' too much. Things'll get better."

"Now I came here to tell you what Professor McGonagall had to say. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yep."

"Madam Hooch told her that I saved you by using an advanced level of skill on my broomstick. Even though it wasn't perfect, she was very impressed by ability to land without crashing."

"Whoa."

"Madam Hooch then asked if she wanted me to try out for the Quidditch team as the youngest Seeker."

"Wha's Quidditch?"

"Well I’ll explain it to you at dinner. The point is that Professor McGonagall said yes!"

Ah smile fer her cause Ah know it makes 'er happy even though Ah don't get it.

"Jacklin do ya think Trevor's gonna be awright? Ah ain't fed 'em in a while."

"Don’t feel bad about not feeding Trevor, Toby. We have enough free time to go back up to our dorm room. I can feed him for you if you want."

Ah feel the hurt from not feedin’ mah froggie wash away instantly. She wants ta care 'em like 'er own pet. She ain't known us fer long an awready took Trevor inta her heart. Maybe things'll be alright after all.

Time Skip

A couple days pass an Ah follow Jacklin inta tha Great Hall fer breakfast.

"I heard from Headmaster Dumbledore, Toby."

"Oh what'd he say?"

"He accepted the request to let me try out for the Quidditch team and drop Flying as a class. Although, since we can't pick electives until our third year, I get to have an extra free period."

Mah eyes bug out cause Ah'm all excited.

"Wow! When do ya get ta try out fer the team?"

"I have to go to Quidditch tryouts after lunch today."

"Ah hope it goes well!"

Ah start eatin' an Ah look over at 'er.

"What kinda stuff do ya gotta do in Quidditch tryouts?"

"They might test my skills as a Seeker."

Ah think about why they have tryouts. An Ah wonder if anybody ever fails at somethin’ an doesn’t get on the Quidditch Team.

"Seekers need both a sharp eye and the ability to fly one- or no-handed. I'm only a first year so they probably want to test that. The Golden Snitch is very small so you need good vision. That's why it's worth 150 points. Even though it doesn't automatically win the game, it's still very important as it's harder to find compared to the Quaffle or a Bludger."

Ah nod ta her, but Ah'm still thinkin' bout what it'll be like ta fly without holdin' onta somethin'. Ah then realize Ah'd get all sick an probly faint agin.

"What kinda weather'd make it hard ta fly?"

"Rain. We would be flying high in the air up into the clouds so it would be difficult to see."

"What bout snow?"

"Yes since it only gets colder the higher up you fly. That can cause your movements to slow down."

"So what'd ya think's the best weather for it?"

"A day like today is great flying weather."

"Great!"

Time Skip

Jacklin comes back from tryouts an she's carryin' 'er Quidditch jersey. Ah smile, wonderin' if she got picked ta play.

"Uh, Jacklin, how’d tha tryouts go?"

"I got picked to join the team. I won’t exactly play any games right away but our current Seeker says he’ll help me train so I can come into the game in case he gets injured."

"That's great!"

Ah think she gets why Ah'm stimmin' cause Ah think Ah'm bout as excited as she is.

"We have open practice tomorrow at 1 pm so you can come over and see what real Quidditch looks like."

Ah smile real wide. Ah know Ah gotta go an see what a real Quidditch game's like.

"We have our first game in November so that only gives us 2 months to prepare."

"Wow! That's soon. Are ya worried?"

"No not at all. Everyone on the team have had at least a year of experience. I'm more concerned that I wouldn't be ready in time if our Seeker got injured. He's a seventh year so he would have a lot of skill that I simply wouldn't have yet."

Ah can't help but hope Jacklin'd be able ta get the hang of it real fast 'cause Ah wanna see her fly.

Time Skip

One day Ah get a strange vision that we’re playin’ some kind a game an Ah know Jacklin's a queen. One a the pieces got all smashed.

"Whoa!"

"Did you have a brief vision just now, Toby?"

"Well, uh, yeah, Ah did."

"What did you see?"

Ah'm a lil off after the vision but Ah can remember everythang Ah saw.

"Well, it was us, you an me, playin'... some kinda board game. One a the pieces got all smashed."

"Board game? What did the pieces look like?"

"There was magic black an white pieces. They moved bout the board over squares."

Ah see Jacklin start ta think.

"I think that's wizard's chess."

"Ok well we was on the black side an we had ta go over the board."

She nods an Ah think Ah did good at explainin this. She draws out the board an the pieces fer the game. She labels 'em all so Ah can understand it.

"What pieces were we?"

"Well ya were queen an Ah was takin the place of the missin horsy man beside ya."

"I see. The horsy man as you call it is the knight. In wizard’s chess the piece becomes destroyed when it’s captured."

"Oh ok."

Ah follow Jacklin down the hall an Ah realize it's leadin' ta the Hospital Wing. Ah get real sad an start ta think bout bein' the one ta take care a people. Ah hope that if Ah become a Healer, Ah won't ever get sick patients that're too far gone they die. Ah don't have that kinda strength.

"What are you thinking about Toby?"

"Ah got bit ahead a mahself an was thinkin bout bein a Healer. Ah'd be real sad if Ah ever got patients that ain't gonna get better. Cause that'd make me useless. An Ah don't wanna be useless."

Ah see Jacklin's givin me a look people give when they feel sorry fer ya. Ah don't like that look cause Ah don't wanna have people feelin sorry fer me.

"There are people at St. Mungo's who can't be cured but you can always be a Healer on a different floor, Toby. Only those who can't be cured live on the 4th floor."

Ah dunno how she does it but Ah feel a bit better bout thangs. Maybe it's cause a her Veela magic but Ah dunno fer sure.

"Thanks Jacklin. Ah'm feelin better now."

She smiles an Ah jus know no matter wha' happens it's all gonna be awright.

Tagging: @arrolyn1114, @nemos-rapture, @xanatenshi, @briefpandatimemachine, @hooked-on-elvis,

@vintagepresley, @aliengoth3, @smokeymountainboy, @bigdaddyelvislover, @mercsandmonsters,

@pledgingmylovee, @presleysgirl6, and @thetaoofzoe.

[booasaur]

Okay I have zero information on this and I can totally be projecting simply because I know too well that WLW relationships on shows don’t usually get to have happy endings (too many to name) or even sensible endings (wtf Lasso) but I’m seriously afraid adult Van is sick…like terminal cancer sick. Between the medications, her not worrying about diet (candy and donuts for breakfast!) or outstanding bills, what looked like medical debt bills, and the line about “trust me it’s better this way” - it just all seems to be pointing to her having something wrong with her. Ugh I hope I’m wrong. And I’m sorry if this ask bums you out. You are one of my favorite creators!! I guess I just felt like I could vent/share my worries with you. Hope I’m wrong!

Oh... Anon, if you came to me for debunking, you came to the wrong place! I'm so impressionable, I'm like, ohhh, actually, this theory makes a lot of sense.

I would hate it so much from a character and shipping POV, but damn, it would fit. And I wouldn't even necessarily call it out for poor f/f treatment, since, for one, Travis, and pretty much everyone is going to end badly one way or another. Except Shauna and Jeff?? If they outlive all this...

But yeah, those signs all add up, plus, it'd be someone significant whose loss would hurt leading up to the season finale, especially if some weird ritual/sacrifice/healing stuff happens involving Lottie, but still let next season's plot have all the main players involved. And I can imagine the writers liking the irony of Van surviving so much before, only for cancer to get her.

But I'd hate that irony! I started this season not expecting anything happy for Taivan, including even possible a Van death, but I dunno, I'd prefer it to be more plot relevant--wait, there I go accepting compromises again, lol. My friend always points out how low my expectations are, like how for Mr. Robot I was telling her I'd accept a death but not in a specific way, and she's like, don't accept a death at all!

On the other hand, all of those signs could be explained away as well as someone deeply unhappy and traumatized with a sick mother. Like, which of any of these ladies are making good eating or relationship decisions, and the bills could be from her mom.

I think if it's true, and the signs we saw so far were deliberate hints, then next ep should make it a lot clearer. :x

[deke-rivers-1957]

Toby's Visions

Ah wake up in the mornin after mah dream took a bad turn. Ah gotta tell Jacklin bout it but Ah also gotta make sure Ah know wha's happened. Ah'm sittin wit 'er fer breakfast an see she's done talkin.

"Jacklin. Ah got somethin Ah gotta tell ya."

"What is it, Toby?"

Ah take a breath cause Ah know she probly ain't gonna believe me on this.

"You'll believe me right?"

"If it's something that's so bad that it could affect the other students then yes. Headmaster Dumbledore would have to know if the school could be in danger."

"If Ah tell you tha Ah dunno if it could affect tha other students, would ya still wanna know? Sometimes it's jus a feelin' tha Ah get.

"Yes, Toby. If it's that bad you need to tell me."

Ah look down at tha floor again an' Ah jus' whisper it out the side of mah mouth. Ah don’t wanna look at Jacklin but Ah gotta tell 'er.

"Headmaster Dumbledore's gonna die."

Jacklin looks surprised an' Ah can see tha she wants ta say somethin’, but Ah get the feelin’ tha she don’t know wha' ta do.

"Did you see anything like a flash of green or anyone's face, Toby?"

"Ah saw a big flash of green, yeah."

Ah remember seein' tha big flash o' green an' then nothin'. Ah don’t remember seein' no actual faces.

"That's the killing curse. Someone's going to kill the Headmaster."

"But Jacklin, Ah don't… Ah don' want anyone ta die. And Ah don' want anyone ta know tha Ah saw this… this…"

Ah feel tha tears an' Ah just wanna hide mah head. But Jacklin lifts mah chin an' makes me look at 'er.

"I know that you don't want anyone to die. You have this ability and you don't know how to control it. Professor Trelawney might be able to help you have clearer visions so you can have a better chance of doing something about them."

"Can it really help?"

Ah wanna believe wha' she's sayin’, but Ah don’t really know tha Ah wanna take tha risk. Ah don’t wanna see anythin’ like it agin.

"I would think so. We can't tell the Headmaster someone is going to kill him if we don't have all of the details."

"Am Ah… am Ah… am Ah a bad person, Jacklin?"

"No. You have a condition that's making it hard for you to stay grounded to reality. You should have a drink of pumpkin juice, Toby. You look pale and need the sugar to feel better."

"Ok."

Ah take a sip an’ Ah like tha taste. Ah take a bigger sip and Ah feel like it's makin' everything better.

"Ahhh…"

Ah take another sip a juice an’ Ah feel calm an’ real relaxed, like Ah don’t wanna do nothin’ but sit here an’ look outta tha window at tha pretty sky.

"Ah feel like… like… it’s okay to jus sit here."

"Well we only have morning classes today, Toby. After we finish History of Magic, we have the rest of the day to ourselves."

Ah start hummin' a song tha Ah know mah family like an' Ah wait for Jacklin ta wanna say somethin’.

"Is that a popular human song where you're from?"

"It's called "Home, Home On The Range". Ah dunno if it's real popular though."

Ah see Jacklin look a little confused when Ah say tha name. Ah wonder if tha name sounds weird ta her. Ah keep hummin' a verse ta myself an’ Ah look out tha window.

"On the range of what?"

"It's a place with a big ol' sky an a lotta grass and lotsa animals. There's cattle… and horses, too."

"That would explain why I never heard of that term. We don't have "ranges" in the UK."

Ah forget bout hummin' tha song an Ah start to look around tha room an check out tha other students. Ah look over at a couple a girls sittin’ at tha next table an Ah hear 'em talkin' ta each other. Ah feel like Ah'd really like ta go home, but Ah know it ain't ok ta leave fer home yet. Ah hear tha bell ringin.

"Do you know where Charms class is, Toby?"

"No, Ah was gonna follow you to tha class."

Ah look at Jacklin an’ Ah feel like she's expectin' ta take tha lead on everythang an' Ah don't know if Ah like tha or not.

"Oh. That's alright. This year, the classroom is in the South Tower in Class 99."

"Class 99?"

"Yes. We need to go all the way up to the 7th floor and go right to use the stairs going up the tower."

"Uh-huh."

Ah follow Jacklin an we start headin' fer the stairs. Ah start ta hum tha little part a tha song ta mahself agin. It's somethin' Ah can hold onto ta keep from bein' too scared.

"Alright. That was a lot of stairs. Let's take a second to catch our breath."

"Oh dear. I think we're lost Toby."

We start wanderin round an end up on tha' 3rd floor.

"I think this is the Charms corridor."

"Oh. Ok. Ah guess it's better than bein lost, now, huh? It's real pretty here, Jacklin."

Ah look over at the ceilin an floor that's all carved stone an' all the walls an' windows have paintin's on 'em. Ah wonder how this place would look, if Ah was a ghost.

"I hope this is Professor Flitwick's office so he can help us."

Ah look over an see Jacklin's at the Door to tha Charms Office. Ah notice tha door's unlocked. Ah look at Jacklin an decide ta jus push tha door open. There's this real big 3 headed dog an he's lookin mean.

"Bark! Bark! Bark!"

"Ahhhh!"

We get outta the room's fast as we can.

"What on earth was that!?"

Ah look over at Jacklin an Ah feel a little sorry bout somehow knowin somethin she don't.

"Oh, yeah, tha's Fluffy, tha Doorkeeper's guard dog. Ah member him now."

"How do you know that?"

"Ah dunno. Somethin in mah gut tol me Jacklin."

Ah don't know why Ah said tha. Girls usually don't like talkin bout guts.

"I think your Seer abilities are giving you this instinct that somehow let's you know things ahead of time."

"Ah guess it's kinda good Ah know tha much now.

Ah still feel bad bout not tellin 'er but it ain't like Ah can choose when it'll happen.

"I wonder what it is that we could possibly be doing that you would know something like that. There was a trap door so it must be guarding something."

Ah walk along next ta Jacklin an' Ah wonder tha same thing. Then it clicks.

"Jacklin... Ah think Ah got somethin."

"What do you think it is?"

"Ah think tha trap door is there to hide the Philosfer's Stone."

Ah look over at Jacklin an she looks like she's surprised Ah just said tha.

"How do you know what the Philosopher's Stone is?"

"Well, Ah dunno fer sure, but it's jus wha' mah gut tells me. Comes outta nowhere so it ain't always helpful."

Ah feel Ah made a real good guess, but Ah dunno whether Ah should feel good bout it or not.

"In that case, I think we need to keep this to ourselves. It isn't our business to question why Headmaster Dumbledore why need to hide it."

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

Ah feel relieved tha Ah can tell Jacklin 'bout this an it be a secret just between the two a us.

"Alright. I think this is the right way now."

Ah think Jacklin's Veela magic's better than she says it is cause she managed ta make us not lost no more. She really is the Elf princess from Lord a the Rings.

"Are you ready to go up the South Tower, Toby?"

"Yep."

Ah feel like Ah’m bout ta go up on a real big adventure wit mah princess Jacklin. Ah look at her an' Ah think Ah want her ta always be next ta me. Ah don’t wanna leave her side again, not ever again.

"That's great because we have to climb at least 2 more flights of stairs before we get to Class 99."

"Ok."

Ah start followin’ Jacklin agin up tha next flight a stairs. Ah know tha we're headin’ ta Class 99 an’ Ah wonder wha's gonna happen in there.

"There it is, Toby. I see Professor Flitwick by the door."

Ah look at Flitwick an’ Ah feel like Ah’ve seen him before. Jacklin starts makin’ her way inside tha room. Ah hold onta her arm a lil tighter an’ Ah take a deep breath.

"Good morning, Professor Flitwick. I'm Jacklin Gryffindor."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Miss Gryffindor. It really is an honor to have you in my class."

Ah walk in with Jacklin an’ Ah feel 'er lettin’ go a my arm. She walks away from me an’ sits down next ta tha girl with tha pigtails. Ah look at the empty seat next ta me an’ Ah look at tha students.

"Everyone be seated so we can start today's lesson. Now I want everyone to present your wands."

Ah look at Flitwick. He looks like a squirrel with tha way his eyes dart back and forth. Ah pull mah wand out an Ah hope Flitwick don't notice tha mah wand's different from tha others in tha class.

"I want everyone with a unicorn hair core to stand by the door, everyone with a dragon heartstring core by my desk, and everyone with a phoenix feather core in the back."

Ah stand by the door next ta the other students with the unicorn hair cores at the end a the room.

"My wand has a Veela hair core, Professor Flitwick."

Flitwick’s face gets real interested in a hurry when Jacklin tells him tha her wand has a Veela hair core.

"Veela, you say?"

"Yes, Professor. My mother gave me one of her hairs to put into my cherry wand."

"I see."

Flitwick’s face still looks like he’s lookin’ at tha most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen and Ah get jealous. Ah see tha he’s jus' lookin' at Jacklin an' her wand an no one else gets any attention.

"How well would a cherry wand with a Veela hair core perform in Charms, Professor? I understand that this can be a temperamental wand and is very rare."

"Oh, my! Very rare indeed! I’ve always wanted to examine a Veela hair core and the wand it makes, especially given how temperamental they can be. That would make quite the instrument, Miss Gryffindor."

"What do you think this type of wand could specialize in, Professor?"

"Oh, I see this wand functioning quite well for a range of magic. It would be good for spells that require a certain amount of nuance. It could do quite well in Defense Against the Dark Arts and even transfiguration."

"Thank you, Professor."

Jacklin goes an’ sits down. He looks more interested in mah wand in tha same way tha he was lookin’ at Jacklin’s.

"Is this English Oak, Mr. Kwimper?"

"Yes, sir."

"In that case, you will excel in the natural world of magic. English Oak specializes in Healing magic. If you're interested I can show you some healing spells in your 4th year."

"Do you mean tha Ah could learn how to heal injuries?"

"Yes. Healing magic is a very noble profession. I believe that you have a great connection to nature and a strong intuition. Both are needed to be a great Healer in the future."

This is tha first time anybody has ever told me tha Ah might be able to do somethin’ in tha future tha would make me feel special or somethin’.

"Thank ya."

Ah look at mah wand an Ah notice tha it's a real good-lookin’ wand. It looks like it could be tha most special wand in tha whole school. Ah do mah best ta listen ta him talk bout wands an wha' they could be good at.

"For Thursday, I want you all to practice the 3 basic spells in chapter one of your book. You will all demonstrate these spells in class. You're all dismissed."

Ah pack up mah stuff an Ah just start followin' Jacklin down tha hall. She's leadin’ me somewhere an Ah don't wanna be left behind.

"Let me see now. Class 72 should be somewhere along this corridor."

"Class 72?"

"Yes, it’s where we have to go for History of Magic."

Ah follow her down tha long, dark corridor. It’s real spooky walkin' alone in tha coldness an’ darkness. But Jacklin’s in front a me an she ain’t even scared, so Ah follow her to Class 72.

"What are we gonna be doin' in History a Magic, Jacklin?"

"From what I heard from older students we have to try to stay awake."

"We ain’t gonna fall asleep, are we, Jacklin?"

"Of course not. A ghost teacher would be too exciting for students like you who haven't been around real ghosts. Besides history is actually a fascinating subject that talks about not just wizard history, but other magical creatures."

"Yeah. Ah guess so. Ah’m jus' wonderin’ wha tha Binns ghost might look like."

"He died before 1890 so he's going to look very different than a typical old man."

"He’s not a meanie, is he?"

"I don't believe he would be."

The bell rings an Professor Binns' ghost comes right through tha blackboard. Me an a couple other kids get all scared.

"Now, settle down everyone."

He floats ta a podium in the front of tha room an’ speaks in a soft, sleepy voice.

"Hello. It is I, Professor Binns again. For the first class I will begin with… the early origin… of witches and wizards."

Ah sit down at one a tha desks next ta Jacklin an Ah try ta pay attention. Ah feel like Ah'm slippin’ away inta tha dreamland a tha dead.

"Toby?"

Ah snap back inta real life an’ Ah feel really cold. Ah see Ah'm droolin' in tha corner a mah mouth an Jacklin's nudgin' me awake.

"Ok."

Ah'm writin' down tha notes fast without really knowin' what Ah'm writin’.

Time Skip

"Alright, Toby. We're done with classes for today."

Ah’m so sleepy Ah can barely walk. Ah'm walkin' through tha long, dark corridors wit Jacklin when Ah feel like Ah’m in tha middle a tha strange vision tha Ah had.

"Are you having a vision, Toby?"

Ah snap outta tha vision an Ah look at Jacklin.

"Ah still dunno why Ah keep seein Dumbledore dyin."

"What did you see?"

"Some guy in black usin a green flash an then he's fallin off a tower."

"We haven't even see Dumbledore today so it's not as if that would trigger your ability."

"Then why would Ah be havin' tha vision? What kinda trouble could Ah be gettin' inta?"

"I have no way of knowing that, Toby."

Ah feel tha tears comin' inta mah eyes as Ah get real sad an scared bout not knowin’ tha trouble tha Ah might be in. It seems like no one can help me, an’ Ah'm gonna have ta find out tha hard way.

"We have the rest of the day to ourselves. I think it’s important to try to rest."

Ah'm so scared like Ah got Spiderman instincts that Ah jus start runnin ta mah dorm room.

"Don’t run in the corridors. You’re going to get hurt."

Ah turn round an Ah see tha prefect comin' towards me. Ah’m not really tryin' ta run, but Ah’m still shakin’ real bad. My nerves are bein' real weird since tha vision.

"Come now, come now. What has you all in a tizzy?"

Ah start ta feel like cryin’.

"Uh, tha uh, Ah've been seein scary thangs bout people gettin hurt. Ah don't want any part a tha trouble tha's comin’ an’ Ah don't know what ta do."

"Do you mean to say you have Seer abilities?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Ah got tha gift. But Ah dunno how ta use it. It happens when it wants ta happens… an’ it’s kinda drivin’ me nuts."

"In that case I’ll escort you to Professor Trelawney. Such abilities must be tended to immediately."

Ah sniffle a little an' Ah wipe tha tears from mah eyes while tha prefect puts his arm round mah shoulders. Ah hope Professor Trelawney can help me... or at least tell me what is happenin’ to me.

Time Skip

Ah dunno how long Ah was wit Professor Trelawney, but when Ah came back Ah felt funny. It was like she made tha vision disappear fer a while. Ah sleep like the dead, an slept through all a lunch an dinner.

"Mmm..."

Trevor ribbits an Ah smile a lil. Ah get tha bowl a food fer Trevor an Ah sit tha bowl down fer him.

"There ya go lil buddy."

Trevor stops eatin' ta look at me. Ah try ta make a face tellin' him he has tha most beautiful froggie eyes Ah ever saw on a frog. Trevor looks all happy. Ah pet tha top o' him very gently an’ he croaks his thanks.

"Ah'm gonna go an get somethin ta eat mahself."

Ah sit Trevor down ta make sure he don’t wander inta any trouble. Then Ah head ta tha Great Hall ta eat breakfast.

"Ooh Ah got a chocolate bar."

Ah chew slowly an' carefully, an’ Ah can taste tha chocolate. Ah start hummin' while Ah chew. Ah wonder what Professor Trelawney found out. Ah wonder if Ah can be like one of tha wise people in m' visions. But right now Ah'm just a country kid. Wit a chocolate bar as Ah make mah way ta the Great Hall. Ah see Jacklin wit 'er white hair.

"Hey, Jacklin!"

"Are you feeling better, Toby?"

"Uh huh. At least Ah don’t feel like tha whole world is gonna come an’ get me."

"That's very nice to hear."

Ah stuff mah face while Ah Jacklin reads. Then Ah finish tha last a tha chocolate bar. Ah feel a little better, but Ah'm not used ta eatin' this much for breakfas’. Ah'm startin' ta feel kinda full, actually.

"I can only imagine how hungry you're feeling given that you missed lunch and dinner yesterday."

Ah nod an Ah try ta swallow tha mouthful a food Ah got in mah mouth.

"By the way, how far did you get in taking your History of Magic notes yesterday?"

Ah swallow tha food in mah mouth real good an’ Ah talk inta tha air while mah mouth is kinda full.

"Ah... Ah dunno. It was jus’ kinda hard ta pay attention."

"Maybe during our first free period after Herbology we can go over my notes. I have a feeling that you’re not the only one who missed something from that class."

Ah nod again an’ Ah start thinkin' ‘bout missin’ tha class an’ wonderin' what Ah missed.

"Yeah, maybe tha's a good idea."

Ah eat tha hash browns first, cause Ah think they might get cold before Ah can eat ‘em later. Then Ah start on tha pancakes. Then Ah get up ta get m' third helpin a pancakes. Ah look over ta Jacklin again… an’ Ah see that she's startin’ ta stare at mah belly.

"How are you able to eat so much? Are you having a growth spurt, Toby?"

"Tha’d be really good if Ah was! Maybe Ah could finally grow some more inches."

Ah look real embarrassed now, 'cause Ah'm sure Ah have a lotta food in mah stomach even if Ah don't realize it.

"Ah ain’t fat, am Ah?"

"No. You need to have fat tissue to help you grow. Especially if you’re having a growth spurt."

Ah look at Jacklin again an’ she's makin' tha smilin' face, an Ah'm hopin' tha smilin' face means Ah'm not bein' super-stupid again.

"Taller's not normal fer me though. How tall do ya figure Ah might get?"

"It’s possible for you to be 6 feet tall. You might be the type of boy who grows into someone with a lot muscles and all the girls would want to date you."

Ah start blushin an get all embarrassed.

"Why'd ya gotta be bringin girls inta this? Ah don't wanna be bothered by a lot a girls who only like mah looks then say Ah'm a dummy."

"Oh don't be embarrassed, Toby. You never know how puberty will change how we look. I think if you do grow up to be tall and handsome, any girl who's worth being your friend would never make fun of you."

Ah smile a lil. Jacklin's real good at makin me feel good bout mahself. Ah try ta think bout what'll if happen when Ah do grow up. Ah still ain't so sure bout tha handsome part, but Ah can see mahself as bein tall. Ah think Ah'm gonna like bein' taller.

"Maybe puberty ain't gonna be scary as Ah thought."

The bell starts ringin.

"Awright time ta go ta Potions."

"Yes and I heard that we won't need our cauldrons today."

Ah smile as Ah get up ta walk wit 'er ta the dungeons.

Time Skip

Ah take mah seat next ta her an’ Ah start gettin' ready fo tha first lesson a tha day. Ah take out mah quills an' tha potions book, an' Ah make sure tha book's opened up ta tha right spot.

"Students pay attention. If any of you had learn anything from our first lesson, you should be able to answer basic questions about the Cure for Boils Potion."

Snape looks at me an Ah hope Ah know tha answer.

"Mr. Kwimper. Tell me why it’s important to remove the cauldron from the fire before you insert the porcupine quills."

"Porcupine quills... tha quills gotta be added after tha cauldron's cooled… cause tha potion'll explode?"

Snape’s face stays tha same.

"So you do pay attention. One point for Gryffindor."

Ah can't help but grin a tiny bit. Ah take a look at Jacklin, an' Ah see her smilin' at mah answer. Ah feel real proud of m'self right now.

"Miss Gryffindor tell me how you would know the Cure for Boils Potion is complete."

"The potion will start to emit pink smoke when it’s finished, Professor Snape."

Professor Snape nods in approval as he turns tha question to Jacklin. Ah take lots a notes, 'cause Ah really wanna learn about tha different ingredients an' tha way they come together ta form each potion. Ah keep an eye on Jacklin an Ah see more smilin’ on Jacklin's lips. Ah like those smiles, too.

Time Skip

"For Friday, I want a 2 inch scroll about the Hair-Raising Potion. You my leave now."

Ah walk wit Jacklin as we all move on ta tha greenhouse.

"Do you think you can have a vision that can predict what will happen today, Toby?"

"Ah mean… maybe. Why? Ya expectin' somethin’ different ta happen today?"

"No. I simply think that if you're able to predict something that can happen within a couple hours from now, it would prove that you are a Seer."

Ah look at her a lil surprised.

"Well, Ah gotta picture somethin. Uhh, hmm, let’s see, tha next class' Herbology over at tha greenhouse. Ok… lemme see if Ah can try."

Ah close mah eyes an’ Ah concentrate, real hard. Ah feel the vision come on… it's really close now. Ah can almost see it... tha vision in m' head is real blurry, but Ah start ta see a blur tha could be a plant. But somethin... somethin' jus ain't right in tha vision right now. Ah keep goin'. An' finally, Ah get a clear view fo tha vision. Ah open mah eyes.

"Well… Ah know tha future!"

"What do you think will happen, Toby?"

Ah just keep smilin. Then, Ah decide ta jus say what Ah’m seein'.

"Today, there'll be a... problem... with tha plants that'll keep us out of class. It'll be somethin' tha teacher an tha students'll have ta fix."

"I see. If your vision is right, then we should see her trying to clear up an out of control plant."

We get closer ta the greenhouses. A weird black type a plant's kinda slitherin round on the ground.

"You were right, Toby! That's Devil's Snare. It hates sunlight and Professor Sprout is trying to control it."

Aha! It's still a problem... it still makes me look smart.

"Don't get any closer, dears. Devil's Snare coils up when you touch it."

We stop walkin' an' Ah wait ta see wha happens next.

"Can we use the Fire-Making spell to help, Professor?"

"As you wish."

Ah have ta pay attention. Ah don't wanna miss the next thin' tha professor's gonna say.

"Incendio!"

Ah see tha red fire come outta Jacklin's wand an' Ah know tha right thing ta say. Ah look at Devil's Snare. Ah think Ah can do this. Ah make tha same motion, as best Ah can, and Ah say tha magic words.

"Incendio."

After a few minutes tha Devil's Snare's back under control. Professor Sprout smiles at us.

"Well done, dears! 10 points to Gryffindor each."

Ah look at Jacklin's smilin' face, an' Ah can't help but grin a little. Ah feel like Ah'm close ta bein' a Seer.

"Excellent. The rest of your class is here. Just in time."

Ah get settled an' listen up for tha lesson on Devil's Snare. Ah'm real curious about what'll come next.

"As you can see dearies, this is Devil's Snare. You must take very good care of yourselves when handling this. Given that they are sensitive to light all of the windows are of course open."

Professor Sprout goes on fer a while teachin’ bout Devil’s Snare. Ah write everythang she says down in mah notebook.

Time Skip

Ah finish takin' m' notes when tha bell rings an' Ah close tha notebook up an' stand up. Somethin bout writin wit a quill's jus real satisfiyin.

"Toby, do you want to work on our Potions assignment once we get back to the common room?"

Ah look at her smilin’ face.

"Uh, yeah… Ah guess Ah could do tha."

Ah follow 'er upstairs an we get ta work on our homework. Ah try ta read through the Potions book on mah own. Ah don't wanna ask Jacklin questions cause Ah don't wanna be cheatin. Ah wanna do mah own work an show Ah can do good wizardin work.

"Toby, did you write the ingredients or the effects of this potion first?"

Ah'm readin through mah Potions book agin as Ah notice Jacklin's eyes lookin' over m' shoulder watchin' me read. She smiles an' Ah can't help but smile back. It's real nice. We both read, readin' over what tha other's sayin'. Ah start ta feel real comfortable sittin' here by Jacklin. This feels real good.

"Sorry, do you mind if I proofread?"

"Nah, Ah don't mind."

She reads it wit a real serious look.

"There needs to be a few commas. Other than that, I believe Professor Snape would know that you wrote this yourself."

Ah read over m' scroll one more time an' Ah realize Ah dunno how ta use commas. Ah try ta fix mah mistakes by addin 'em.

"Here, you can proofread my scroll. Do you think I wrote enough?"

Ah take the scroll she offers me. Ah dunno why she'd trust me ta check when Ah ain't too good at writin but Ah don't question her.

"Ah think it's really good Jacklin. Really good."

"Oh. Let me see if it's two inches long."

She takes out some kind a tape measure.

"This is a little over 2 inches. Are you ready to measure your scroll yet, Toby?"

Ah look down at m' scroll for a second.

"Ah ain’t finished yet."

Ah keep writin’.

"Uh, Jacklin, can Ah ask ya somethin'?"

"Of course, Toby."

"What do ya think our Flyin lesson's gonna be like?"

"I would imagine it would involve learning how to sit on your broom properly."

Ah gotta think bout tha one.

"Then why can yer dad jus pick up yer letters himself if he can ride a broom?"

"My father is always traveling so it wouldn't be practical for him to constantly travel to Hogwarts. I also don't know how to apparate as we aren't going to be taught that yet. That's why I was told to send all of my letters to Gryffindor Manor."

"But what if yer awready at home? Can't ya magic yer letters ta him?"

She looks at me an Ah hope Ah ain't bein a dummy.

"Wizards under the age of 17 can't do magic outside of school. We all have the Trace which specifically goes off if we willingly perform magic. We can only use magic only in times of extreme danger or within the grounds of where we learn magic."

"Oh. Ok. Ah get it now."

"That's good, Toby. I'm glad you understand now."

Ah smile an go back ta mah scroll.

Time Skip

Ah follow Jacklin down tha stairs an down tha path a grass ta where Madam Hooch's waitin for us. Ah see a group a Gryffindors settin' up their brooms.

"Of course Slytherin is joining us for this class."

Ah look who Ah'm gonna have ta spend tha day wit an' Ah can't help but sigh. Ah've been lookin forward ta tha first flying lesson.

"I want you all to raise your hand over your broom and say "Up" with authority."

Ah follow mah teacher's directions an' raise mah hand.

"Up! Up! Up!"

Mah broom don't move.

"Up!"

Jacklin's broom goes ta 'er on the first try.

"Up please!"

Sayin please worked an Ah'm real happy bout it.

"Well done, Mr. Kwimper."

After a few minutes everybody's got their brooms. Madam Hooch pulls out her whistle.

"Now mount your brooms and keep steady. Rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly."

Ah get on mah broom right in the middle a tha Slytherin group, an Ah think mah heart skipped a beat right when tha broom moved. It takes tha whole of mah energy ta keep steady on tha broom an now Ah can't stop thinkin' how high Ah might fall from.

"Now give your broom a nice kick."

Ah look round fer a second, sighin. Ah give mah broom tha best kick Ah can. The broom flies a little too high.

"Mr. Kwimper?"

Ah keep tryna make it fly down. Mah feet are startin’ ta shake. Ah keep thinkin bout tha fall. Ah feel like Ah’m gonna pass out cause Ah can't stop mah broom.

"Mr. Kwimper!"

Ah faint an Ah dunno wha happened next.

Jacklin's POV

"Ahhhhh! He's falling!"

Some girls scream as I watch Toby fall. I instinctively swoop down and catch him with my broomstick. While it is impressive of me to handle the extra weight, my flying is so sloppy it was all I could do to land without crashing. My fellow Gryffindors cheer for me while some of the Slytherins, including Draco, laugh at Toby.

"Bloody hell did you see that catch! She's amazing!"

"Ha! Kwimper went and got himself sick!

Madam Hooch comes up to us.

"Miss Gryffindor, I’m taking you to Professor McGonagall. I have never seen such skill from a 1st year. 50 points to Gryffindor for your heroism."

"Thank you, Madam Hooch. I hope Toby will be alright."

She looks at Toby shaking her head and starts to carry him.

"This boy certainly isn't meant for flying. I'll have to discuss this with the Headmaster."

I follow Madam Hooch as she brings you to the Hospital Wing.

"Madam Pomfrey please attend to Mr. Kwimper. He's come down with a bizarre case of motion sickness. Either that or a severe case of acrophobia."

"I see. Set him down on the cot there."

I watch as Madam Hooch lays Toby down on a cot.

"Come along now Miss Gryffindor. I'm sure Professor McGonagall would be very pleased to hear the news."

I leave the Hospital Wing hoping Toby will be alright.

"Madam Hooch may I ask what you wanted to ask Professor McGonagall?"

"Of course dear. I believe you have a strong instinct for flying and such skill must be developed. Your flying ability while still sloppy, is far more advanced than a first year student."

I follow her to Professor McGonagall's office.

"Excuse me, Professor McGonagall."

"Yes Madam Hooch, what is it?"

"Due to the specific nature of my recent class, I believe Miss Gryffindor would be eligible to tryout for your Quidditch team."

Professor McGonagall looks up from her papers.

"And what exactly has Miss Gryffindor demonstrated?"

"She was able to successfully dive to save Mr. Kwimper when he lost control of his broom. Despite the sudden weight she was able to land without crashing."

She raises an eyebrow.

"I see. I will consult with Headmaster Dumbledore about whether an exception can be made. At the very least we will have to determine if it would be possible to for her to take an elective in place of Flying."

"Thank you professor. And now Miss Gryffindor I'm willing to let you skip this class for today. You may make use of your free time as you wish."

I nod as I go back to the Hospital Wing.

Toby's POV

Ah get a few hours sleep an' try ta not feel like Ah'm a failure. Ah couldn't even fly a lil without faintin. Ah feel like Ah jus don't belong.

Are you feeling better, Toby?

Ah see her smilin' an' Ah feel a little better. Jacklin still thinks Ah’m somethin' worth carein’ for. Ah start ta think things're gonna be okay if Ah stay wit Jacklin.

Yeah, Ah kinda just wanna forget 'bout it, but Ah guess Ah can't do tha even if Ah wanted ta.

Ah notice m' stomach start actin' kinda funny. Ah just think it's probably the aftereffects, but Ah don't know if Ah can keep anythin' down right now.

"I know. Madam Hooch was concerned that you were looking sick and out of control. When you fell off your broom I swooped down on my broom to catch you before you hit the ground."

"Why’d you do tha? Why not jus' let me fall? Ah mean, wouldn't tha have been easier for tha house? Why go through tha trouble?"

Ah can't understand why she had ta make me feel more barrassed by doin' somethin good fer me. Jus when Ah thought she was gonna call me a dummy, she goes an starts bein’ nice ta me.

"Toby if I let you fall, then you would have died. You were falling head first at a dangerous height. I merely acted on pure instinct."

"Yeah. Yer right. Maybe Ah'm worryin' too much. Things'll get better."

Ah notice she’s puttin' her hand on my back like she means it. Like she really cares. At least Ah’m feelin' better fer a moment.

"Now I came here to tell you what Professor McGonagall had to say. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yep."

"Madam Hooch told her that I saved you by using an advanced level of skill on my broomstick. Even though it wasn't perfect, she was very impressed by ability to land without crashing."

"Whoa."

"Madam Hooch then asked if she wanted me to try out for the Quidditch team as the youngest Seeker."

"Wha's Quidditch?"

Well I’ll explain it to you at dinner. The point is that Professor McGonagall said yes!"

Ah smile fer her cause Ah know it makes 'er happy even though Ah don't get it.

"So. Did Madam Pomfrey say it was alright for you to go yet?"

"Uh yeah, Ah'm good to go... once mah stomach stops hurtin'."

Ah try ta get up an Ah guess Jacklin can tell Ah ain't as good as Ah said.

"Are you feeling dizzy or anything, Toby?"

"No."

Ah look a lil upset.

"Jacklin do ya think mah froggie's gonna be awright. Ah ain't fed 'em in a while."

"Don’t feel bad about not feeding Trevor, Toby. We have enough free time to go back up to our dorm room. I can feed him for you if you want?"

Ah feel the hurt from not feedin’ mah froggie wash away instantly. She wants ta care 'em like 'er own pet. She ain't known us fer long an awready took Trevor inta her heart. Maybe things'll be alright after all.

Time Skip

A couple days pass an Ah follow Jacklin inta tha Great Hall fer breakfast.

"I heard from Headmaster Dumbledore, Toby."

"Oh what'd he say?"

Ah'm a lil confused as ta why he'd wanna talk ta 'er.

"He accepted the request to let me try out for the Quidditch team and drop Flying as a class. Although, since we can't pick electives until our third year, I get to have an extra free period."

Mah eyes bug out cause Ah'm all excited.

"Wow! When do ya get ta try out fer the team?"

"I have to go to Quidditch tryouts after lunch today."

"Ah hope it goes well!"

Ah start eatin' an Ah look over at 'er.

"What kinda stuff do ya gotta do in Quidditch tryouts?"

"They might test my skills as a Seeker."

"And what would they have ya do?"

Ah think about why they have tryouts. An Ah wonder if anybody ever fails at somethin’ an doesn’t get on tha Quidditch Team. Ah ain't so sure Ah could do it if Ah had ta do some kinda tryout.

"Seekers need both a sharp eye and the ability to fly one- or no-handed. I'm only a first year so they probably want to test that. The Golden Snitch is very small so you need good vision. That's why it's worth 150 points. Even though it doesn't automatically win the game, it's still very important as it's harder to find compared to the Quaffle or a Bludger."

Ah nod ta her, but Ah'm still thinkin' bout what it'll be like ta fly without holdin' onta somethin'. Ah then realize Ah'd get all sick an probly faint agin.

"But what'll ya do if they pick somebody else? How do they decide which students get on tha team?"

"First years can't even try out for Quidditch because we wouldn't even know how to fly. Madam Hooch and Professor McGonagall were willing to make an exception for me. Even if I don't make the team, they can still train me so that I can join in my second or third year."

Ah look at her an see how determined she is to make tha Quidditch Team.

"So, now, Ah don't mean ta put any pressure on ya, Jacklin, but ya think ya might do well?"

"I never flew on a Quidditch pitch before so it's possible that they might start with an obstacle course. Navigating in the open sky and landing is different than trying to navigate around objects."

Ah watch her as she takes tha last bite a breakfast.

"What kinda weather'd make it hard ta fly?"

"Rain. We would be flying high in the air up into the clouds so it would be difficult to see."

"What bout snow?"

"Yes since it only gets colder the higher up you fly. That can cause your movements to slow down."

"So whatta ya think's tha best weather for it?"

"A day like today is great flying weather."

Ah quickly finish eatin' tha last a mah breakfast.

"Oh! Thank ya, Jacklin!"

Ah get up and head out behind her.

Time Skip

Jacklin comes back from tryouts an she's carryin' 'er Quidditch jersey. Ah smile, wonderin' if she got picked ta play.

"Uh, Jacklin, how’d tha tryouts go?"

"I got picked to join the team. I won’t exactly play any games right away but our current Seeker’s says he’ll help me train so I can come into the game in case he gets injured."

"That's great!"

Ah can't hide tha excitement in mah voice when Ah say dat. Ah think she gets why Ah'm stimmin' cause Ah think Ah'm bout as excited as she is.

"We have open practice tomorrow at 1 pm so you can come over and see what real Quidditch looks like."

Ah smile real wide at Jacklin when Ah hear tha. Ah know Ah gotta go an see what a real Quidditch game's like.

"We have our first game in November so that only gives us 2 months to prepare."

"Wow! That's soon. Are ya worried?"

"No not at all. Everyone on the team have had at least a year of experience. I'm more concerned that I wouldn't be ready in time if our Seeker got injured. He's a seventh year Seeker so he would have a lot of skill that I simply wouldn't have yet."

Ah can't help but hope Jacklin'd be able ta get tha hang of it real fast 'cause Ah wanna see her fly in tha game.

Time Skip

One day we're walkin ta tha common room fer our free period. Suddenly Ah get a strange vision tha we’re playin’ some kind a game an Ah know tha Jacklin's a queen. One a the pieces got all smashed.

"Whoa!"

"Did you have a brief vision just now, Toby?"

"Well, uh, yeah, Ah did."

"What did you see?"

Ah'm a lil off after tha vision but Ah can remember everythang Ah saw.

"Well, it was us, you an me, playin'... some kinda board game. One a the pieces got all smashed."

"Board game? What did the pieces look like?"

"There was magic black an white pieces. They moved bout the board over the squares."

Ah see Jacklin start ta think.

"I think that's wizard's chess."

"Ok well we was on the black side an we had ta go over the board."

She nods an Ah think Ah did good at explainin this. She draws out the board an the pieces fer the game. She labels 'em all so Ah can understand it.

"What pieces were we?"

"Ya were tha queen an Ah was tha horsy man beside ya."

"I see. The horsy man as you call it is the knight. In wizard’s chess the piece becomes destroyed when it’s captured."

Ah feel real relieved ta know wha tha vision meant, tha there's nothin' to worry about.

"Oh ok."

Ah follow Jacklin down the hall an Ah realize it's tha one tha leadin' to tha Hospital Wing. Ah get real sad an start ta think bout bein' the one ta take care a people. Tha one thing Ah hope fer if Ah become a Healer is tha Ah don't ever get sick patients that're too far gone they die. Ah know tha Ah don't have tha kinda strength ta lose a patient Ah get close to, even if it is part of bein' a Healer.

"What are you thinking about Toby?"

"Ah got bit ahead a mahself an was thinkin bout bein a Healer. Ah'd be real sad if Ah ever got patients that ain't gonna get better. Cause that'd make me useless. An Ah don't wanna be useless."

Ah see Jacklin's givin me a look people give when they feel sorry fer ya. Ah don't like that look cause Ah don't wanna have people feelin sorry fer me.

"There are people at St. Mungo's who can't be cured but you can always be a Healer on a different floor, Toby. Only those who can't be cured live on the 4th floor."

Ah dunno how she does it but Ah feel a bit better bout thangs. Maybe it's cause a her Veela magic but Ah dunno fer sure.

"Thanks Jacklin. Ah'm feelin better now."

She smiles an Ah jus know no matter wha' happens it's all gonna be awright.

Tag list: @arrolyn1114, @aliengoth3, @vintagepresley, @comebackep, @thetaoofzoe, @presleysgirl6, @bigdaddyelvislover, and @mercsandmonsters.

[hoshi-y]

Late night rendezvous

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Yugi Amane

TW : None

A/N : I did this out of need of comfort HAHA

It was 2 in the morning, Why aren't you asleep yet? Dunno.

You were very sleepy but your mind was wide awake does that make sense?, Anyways, it was making it hard for you to fall asleep, You didn't wanna disturb anyone at this time an hour

I mean, Who would want someone to suddenly message them at 2 in the morning?

You were pacing around your room for awhile now, Thinking of ways to try and fall asleep

"Uugghhh..." Crashing onto your bed face first

Until you heard a buzz from your phone

Who would text you this late at night? Wanting to answer that question you pick up your phone and open up your DMs

It was Amane, He has been courting your for half a month now, The way he asked you was so adorable, You two were walking home under the full moon, and he popped the question there

'You awake?'

'Yeah, I Can't sleep'

'Oh sorry it must be my fault, You've been on my mind all day~'

His text message made you blush, Not only was he sweet, This guy was insanely smooth

'Haha~ Hey, I'm infront of your house, Let's go on a walk'

Your eyes widened, quickly looking out your window and there he was, Standing infront of the gate

He saw you and waved

You carefully went out the house, Not wanting to wake anyone up, Even your snitch of a younger sister.

"What are you doing Amane, It's 2am aren't you sleepy?" He shaked his head and "As I said, You've been on my mind all day how could I sleep" He chuckled

"Go back to sleep. And starve." Your face was a very bright red now

"Haha~ Aren't you cute, Let's go" He gently grabbed your hand and you two started walking to the park

"I heard that there was gonna be a shooting star tonight, And this one place in the park will let us see it clearer" He said with excitement, He has always loved astronomy, He looked so cute talking about it, It's like a child seeing candy and explaining to your parents that it's healthier than vegetables

"Here we are!" He said, You looked and it was a gazibo, The view was a lake and trees surrounded it, The Lake reflected the moon so perfectly that you looked in awe

You walked onto it and went to the rail "I never knew that this place was so pretty at this time of the night.." You said looking at the lake

"Mhm, isn't it pretty?" Walking up to you and standing beside you, You nodded "But there's something even prettier than the gazibo"

"And what is that?"

"You." Not missing a heartbeat to your question

"God Amane, You're so cheesy..." You turned your head to the right and he laughed at your reaction "Awwee~ I Can see your blushing face" He said as he cupped your face

"You're very cute, [F/N]" He said as he squished your cheeks making you giggle, You held his hand and stared at his amber eyes.

"Amane, Do you ever plan on stopping?"

"Stopping on what?"

"On courting me?, I've been making you wait for awhile now.." Looking down feeling bad, You we're just not ready to be in a relationship

"Hey.. It's alright, as I said before you don't have to give me an answer right away, I'll wait for you. Even if it takes months, I just know my hard work and efforts will pay off"

"You're gonna wait a month just for me to say yes?"

"Not just your yes, But you, I most definitely can't wait for the day that I can finally call you as mine." He said chuckling

You we're incredibly lucky to find a guy like him, Mostly the guys that ask you out force you to give them an answer or they get tired of waiting for you, Or some give you mixed signals and laugh at you about it.

But Amane treated you with respect, and respected your time and boundaries, He would wait even if it takes him years just to call you his.

"Look [F/N]! A shooting Star!" He said pointing at the sky

If you were gonna make a wish, What would you wish for?

For abundance? Money flow? Guidance? Or To become smart?

You thought about it, You looked at this dork beside you and smiled at him making a wish

"What did you wish for Amane?" You asked putting your arms on the railings

"If I told you then it wouldn't come true, But I'm also curious what you wished for."

"You big dork you just told me that if we told each other then it wouldn't come true" You laughed and he soon followed

"But then again, It would come true if I did tell you"

"How th—"

"Yes." Interrupting his question

"What do you mean yes?" He asked confused

You stare at his confused face for awhile and started to giggle

"Yugi Amane, I want you to stop courting me. Because as my Boyfriend you don't have to court your S/O you know"

His eyes widened and started smiling

"Y-you're joking? No?" He said as he held your hands, Once you finally confirmed that it wasn't a joke, He lifted you up into the air and you giggled

"I'm so happy right now.." He said hugging you tightly

"I can finally tell you the worda I've been longing to tell you.."

He leaned in and looked at you "May I?" you giggled "You may.." Putting your arms around his neck and his hands on your waist, You two shared your first kiss.

Pulling away, He hugged you Tightly

"I Love You, [L/N] [F/N], I Promise, I'll take care of you."

Me and who 😞 I made this for comfort not to get jealous wtf !!

@klyzi

[noyaism]

No Manners

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: enemies/rivals to lovers, public sex, hate sex, heavy degrading, edging, choking, overstim, teasing, size kink, power dynamics, sir!Tsukki, dacryphilia, humiliation, spanking, slapping, exhibitionism, sadism, masochism, dumbification, creampie, this shit is pure filth (let me know if I missed any warnings!)

Song Inspo: No Manners - Superm

If there was anything you prided yourself on, it was being the smartest person in any given room you walked into. School had always come so easily to you, no subject too hard, no concept you wouldn't understand. That was, until you got to college. University was a beast unto its own, and it showed you that maybe the genius you had always believed you possessed could indeed be threatened. 

While you found yourself at the top at almost every single class you took, your economics class was your Achilles heel. It irked you how the information just didn’t seem to mesh with you. It made you feel so inferior, and that wasn’t something you were used to. It also wasn’t something Tsukishima Kei was used to, however, thanks to you he was feeling a new sense of inferiority that was completely foreign to him. He, like you, was used to being at the top of his class, nobody coming close to him academically. Then, he got to university, and unfortunately for him you two shared a major, and took the exact same classes. It was odd enough in the first semester, and when it ended he was so glad to finally get away from you, and to regain his status.

Then the second semester came and once again, you both signed up for the exact same classes. This time was different, though, because finally, Tsukishima held something over you; you couldn’t understand economics to save your life, and it came to Tsukishima as easily as everything else did. 

Understandably, the two of you had developed a bit of a rivalry. It would come around every so often that Tsukki did better than you on a test, scored higher in a lab, and it drove you insane how he would rub it in, so when you did better than him, you did the same. The two of you were starting to hate each other’s guts. However, you were on the verge of failing your economics class, and there wasn’t going to be anyone better to help you study than Tsukishima. When you asked him to help you study he straight up laughed in your face, entertained by the fact you were actually coming to him for help. It was such a stroke to his ego, he couldn’t possibly say no. 

You two scheduled a study session for the following Friday evening. You met in one of the study rooms up on the third floor around five, intending to stay for a couple hours. Tsukishima had arrived a little early, as you walked in you saw him with his notebook and laptop out on the table, writing down some notes. You took a seat next to him, getting yourself ready to begin. As he attempted to explain all these concepts to you; rambling on about monopolies and price ceilings and deficits, none of it was clicking. You asked him to explain things time and time again, and he was getting visibly irritated the more you seemed to not be getting things.

“You agreed to help me study, Tsukishima. You can't go on and complain now that I don’t get it, you knew I didn't.”

“Yeah, I got that part, but I wasn’t expecting you to be this utterly dense.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, letting out a small huff under your breath.

“You're such a dick.” You muttered, not thinking much of the remark. It was an unequivocal fact that anyone who ever came in contact with him had to know, which you yourself already knew quite well, but you hadn't expected him to be this bad personally. You thought since you were undoubtedly better at him in any other subject you would at least be spared of his ill mannered remarks, but it seemed to be the opposite; he'd get on you because you were so much better at him in everything else. It was the one thing he held over you, and he was going to make the absolute most of it. 

“What did you call me?” He asked, snapping his head in your direction. 

“I called you a dick, because you are. I get it, okay? I don’t understand the material, it’s above my intelligence level, I’m the dumbest bitch in the world. Cool, fine, awesome. If tutoring me is that much of a pain I’ll just go, alright? Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Utterly fed up, you tossed all of your things into your backpack and got up from your seat, starting to storm away. Tsukishima watched you as you went for the door, only momentarily, before getting up and following behind you. You barely got the door unlocked and open before a forceful push of a hand from above shut it, and you turned and looked up at the man, confused as to what it was he was doing.

“We aren’t done studying.”

“Yes we are. I can’t take your shit anymore, I’m done.”

“No, we’re gonna stay here and work on this until you get it,” He lowered himself down to make more direct eye contact with you.

“Got me?” He finished, once the two of you were level. You let out a chuckle, shaking your head a bit. This situation was unbelievable, and he was totally impossible. You weren’t sure how much clearer you could possibly get, but you had no problem reiterating yourself.

“No, I don’t. Makes sense that I don’t, right? ‘Cuz I’m ‘utterly dense’, as you said.”

“And incredibly mouthy, apparently.”

“Only when dealing with assholes like you.” Tsukishima let out a chuckle of his own after that line, straightening himself up and looking down on you once again. You hated when he did that, but it wasn’t like he had much choice, he towered over your much smaller frame. It personified your current situation almost too well. 

“You know, someone should put little girls like you in their place.” He fairly quickly retorted.

“And someone should knock tall elitists like you down a peg.” You scoffed. 

“I’d love to see you try.” Tsukishima took a couple steps back from you after speaking, as if to quite literally challenge you to do something. You weren’t a violent person to say the least, but at that moment you would’ve paid good money to punch the man before you in the face, and it seemed you were going to get the opportunity for free. How could you possibly pass that up?

You dropped your backpack onto the floor, lurching forward at Tsukishima before it even hit the floor. To your utter surprise he caught you before you got too close, his hand wrapped around your neck. It was nowhere near a tight grip, but it left you breathless, and forced you to look up at the blonde. There was this smirk on his face, like you had done exactly what he wanted you to, like he now had you in the palm of his hand. The look in his eye was so devilish, nobody had ever looked at you like that. You almost didn’t know what to make of it, almost.

“Now now, dumb little whores like you don’t get to touch me.” The pure filth that fell from his lips confirmed exactly what you rationalized from his gaze. It was all you needed.

“Fuck me, now.”

Tsukishima needed no further instruction, moving his hand off your throat and down to your thigh, pulling your leg up and prompting you to wrap yourself around him. He caught you midway through your small jump, and in an instant your lips crashed together. You couldn’t shake just how angry he made you, and he couldn’t shake how sexy you looked when you were mad. That little body of yours held so much aggression in it, and since he was more than willing to let out the beast in you, Tsukki was just as willing to tame it.

In fact, he would take great pleasure in doing so.

Tsukki walked back over to the table you two were sat at, placing you down onto the cold, manicured wood. The exchange of your lips was filled to the brim in the most carnal, lustful intent. The two of you fought for dominance with it, neither of you having even the slightest intention of backing down. Tsukishima was already more than frustrated with you, and your attempts to gain control of the situation weren't helping. 

With a swift move he pulled away from the kiss and brought a hand around your neck once again, this time giving it a fairly decent grip. His face looked so calm, like this was nothing he hadn't done before, but his actions told a completely different story. How he managed to keep his expression so composed while taking full control of you made a shiver run down your spine, and the heat between your thighs grow exponentially. 

“Listen; I’m the one in charge here, y/n. What makes you think a tiny, powerless slut like you could ever even attempt to control someone so much bigger, so much stronger than them, hm?” 

“I-I dunno…” You stuttered out, much to Tsukishima’s liking. 

“You don’t know, that's exactly what I thought. Well then, let me teach you where your place is.” While his left hand maintained its place around your throat, his right hand snaked up your thigh and under your skirt, his fingers ghosting over your clothed sex. The faint contact made you whine, you couldn't stand how badly you needed him to touch you. Your eyes pleaded for him to do something, and he basked in the glory of making you so weak so quickly. He then obliged, rubbing small, slow circles onto your clit.

“Your place is right here; being dominated by me. You will feel pleasure only when I allow you to. You will cum only when I allow you to. You will be obedient, and you’ll love every second of it. Am I understood?” 

You nodded your head with what free range of motion you had, your hips bucking in the direction of his fingers, trying to gain more pleasure in the only way you currently could. 

“Use your words, and address me only as sir.” He instructed, moving his fingers away from you. It was bad enough his moves were teasing at best, but denying you of any contact completely was infinitely worse.

“Yes, sir. I understand.” 

Tsukishima let go of your throat, using both hands to undress you, leaving you in nothing but your panties, which were horribly stained with your eagerness. It stroked his ego immensely, looking at the girl who plagued his mind, who made him feel so inferior so many times, naked in front of him, so ready to be ravaged by him. So exposed, so pathetic, but so undeniably sexy. 

He pulled up a chair, taking a seat in between your legs. His fingers danced over the skin of your inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You felt so needy all you could do was whine, not a single beg or plead coming from you. He hooked a finger onto the side of your panties, pulling them over to get a good look at you. Your pussy glistened under the fluorescent lights, coated in wetness you had never experienced before. It was like a work of art for Tsukki, who took a minute to admire the piece before he pulled your underwear off of you entirely. 

He took his left thumb and ran it down the length of your sex, dipping between your folds before coming back up to your clit, finally starting to please you again. A moan slipped from between your lips, filling the quiet of the room. Tsukishima brought two fingers from his opposite hand up to your lips, and without needing instruction you allowed them entry. Your tongue swirled around his digits, a slight hum ringing from your throat as your oral fixation was satisfied. 

His fingers left your mouth with a small pop, and they were brought down to your core. They prodded at your entrance, teasing you by the anticipation of entry. You wanted it, wanted it so bad it was much more a need, and at that point you weren’t too proud to beg for it. Just as your lips parted Tsukishima pushed them into you, a whine coming from you instead. You fell back onto the table, your back arching off the wood as his fingers worked wonders unknown on you. With an upward curl he brushed up against your g-spot, your hips bucking upward in response. The pads of his fingers massaged the rough patch of flesh momentarily, making your legs shake as helpless little curses fell from your lips.

As he began pumping his fingers again he also sped up the rate at which his thumb circled your clit, and it became quite clear to Tsukki that your orgasm was approaching, and was doing so fast. You could feel the knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter, it was almost unbearable. You heard his voice say something, but your head was spinning you could barely make it out.

“Answer me, slut. I’m not repeating myself.” Was all you could make out, but considering you didn’t know the question, it was an impossible feat. Just as your orgasm was about to arrive Tsukishima removed his fingers from you, his thumb ceased all movement, and you were left with a ruined orgasm and your hips bucking into the air.

“You’re not cumming until you can answer one of my questions correctly. That should be good enough incentive for a stupid, needy little bitch like you, right?” You propped yourself up on your arms, looking at Tsukishima in utter bewilderment. You couldn’t believe what he was saying, or that he was going to make you answer questions in order to cum, but you had to admit he wasn’t wrong. It was a pretty good incentive.

“Y-yes sir.” 

With a quick smirk Tsukki sank his head down between your thighs, his tongue dipping into your pussy, savoring your delectably sweet taste. His his hands held the backs of your thighs, giving himself unrestricted access to your sex. His tongue flicked over your clit every so often before lapping up your juices again, until he finally gave the bud uninterrupted attention. His lips latched around it, starting to suck as his fingers entered you once more. Your back arched sharply, and your hands moved to tangle into his hair, tugging on the blonde strands. Before you could even process what it was you had done, Tsukishima was hovering above you, slapping your cheek before taking a rough hold of your chin.

“I told you not to touch me, did I not?” You nodded your head frantically,

“You d-did, sir. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you will be. Off the table.” 

You followed your instructions, and as soon as your feet hit the ground Tsukishima pulled you onto your knees, and held your chin in his hand once again, forcing you to look up at him.

“I don't think I need to tell you what to do here, do I?” You shook your head lightly, your eyes full of wonder as you looked at him. 

“No, sir.”

“Good, then show me that you're actually good at something.”

You shimmied in between Tsukishima’s legs, frantic hands fiddling with his belt as you tried to get his pants off as quickly as possible. You didn't know what was causing you to be so eager, but something in you urged you to act as quickly as possible. As you pulled his pants and boxers down his erection sprang free, the pure size of him catching you off guard. You were no inexperienced woman, this wasn't your first time seeing a penis, but you had yet to deal with anyone of his size. It was a bit intimidating, if you were to be completely honest. 

As you were told, you weren't allowed to actually touch him. You presumed if you used your hands at all it wasn't going to end well for you, but to that you could fairly easily oldige. You licked a long stripe from the base of his length up to his tip, your tongue pressing along a vein that ran that same course. You circled his tip before sucking on it, letting out a satisfied moan around him as his precum leaked out onto your tastebuds. 

You started to take him further into your mouth, each bob of your head adding another inch until you had all of him. Your eyes watered as you felt him in the back of your throat, and you gasped as you came up for air. Tsukishima looked down at you, smirking as he saw a tear run down your cheek.

“You should do more of that.”

“More of what?” You asked, tilting your head in confusion.

“Crying for me.” 

Tsukki took hold of your hair, forcing his cock into your mouth and once again making you take the entirety of him. He held you there, letting out a groan as you choked around him. He brought you up for air and marveled at the tears running down your face, and the desperate look in your eyes. It was art for him and him alone to scrutinize, and he was most certainly a fan of the piece. Before you could fully focus your attention he was in your mouth again, his hips pushing up off the chair as he fucked your face. You gagged around his length, the sounds remarkably gratifying for Tsukishima to hear. 

He brought you back up for air one final time, holding your head up so the two of you made eye contact. He chuckled at you, admiring your current state. Spit dribbled from the sides of your mouth, tears spilled out of your eyes, and you were perilously trying to catch your breath.

“Messy little girl. You're looking more and more like the stupid little slut I've always known you are. Cmon, say it for me, tell me you're a stupid little slut.” 

As if his words weren't degrading enough, this request was surely the icing on the cake, the cherry on top of the sundae. He had you exactly where he wanted you, powerless and obedient. Just a small little toy for him to play with how he pleased. He wasn't satisfied with your lack of obedience, and slapped your cheek once again, roughly grabbing your face after.

“I wasn't giving you an option. Say it.” He demanded.

“I-I’m a stupid little slut.” You complied, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I can't fucking hear you.”

“I’m a stupid little slut!” You repeated, much louder this time. Tsukishima let out a satisfied chuckle, nodding his head. 

“That's right, and who's stupid little slut are you?” 

“Y-your stupid little slut, sir.”

“That’s right.”

Tsukishima pulled you up off the floor, laying you out on the table. He pulled his shirt off, your eyes combing over every little detail of him. You knew on top of being a student he played volleyball, so he had to be fairly muscular, but you weren't expecting what you got. He had a body even Odysseus would be jealous of, making you the ever loyal Penelope.

Tsukki lubed himself up with your wetness, as you were far from falling short of it. No man was ever this rough with you, ever this dominant. It turned you on more than you would like to admit, but there was no need to with Tsukishima. He could tell from the look in your eyes, the tone of your voice, the way your hips slightly bucked as you sucked him off. 

Without warning his tip began to prod at your entrance before starting to slip in. It was no easy feat, though. You were incredibly tight, and even then you hadn't taken anything even close to Tsukishima’s size. He took things slow, watching as every inch of him stretched you further. You whimpered at the sensation, it was intoxicating beyond what your words could even describe. A groan slipped between his lips as he bottomed out, light curses following it. The way you tightened around him made it so hard for him to control himself, but he knew you needed a moment, and he wasn't trying to hurt you.

Not at the moment, at least.

You nodded your head lightly as you felt adjusted, giving him free reign over your body once again. Tsukki grabbed your hands, pinning them above your head before he began to move. He slowly started to pull out, and with a sudden snap you were once again taking all of him, a soft scream coming from you. He did this a couple times, watching how your body jolted. Feeling how your thighs tensed up next to him. Each of these thrusts hit your cervix, sending you reeling each time. 

He picked up the pace, starting to pound into you at a relentless pace. You wrapped your legs around his waist, keeping him close and forcing him to go as deep in you as possible. Tsukishima brought one of his hands down to wrap around your neck, the other still holding your wrists in place. He gave the sides of your neck a squeeze, the lack of circulation rushing toward you just as he hit you with a particularly hard thrust. A light scream fell from your lips, the pleasure in that moment so crazily overwhelming. This routine continued; harder thrusts while he actively choked you, very slightly less hard ones as he gave you a moment to breathe correctly, all the while denying you of your high.

“You better not cum, slut.” He warned as he felt you once again starting to get just a bit too tight around him.

“W-wanna cum....so bad.” You weakly replied, tears welling in your eyes as you spoke. Once again, just as you were on the precipice of release, Tsukishima denied you again, pulling out and leaving you empty. Tears fell from your eyes as you uselessly whimpered and protested, all of it only earning you another slap to your cheek.

“Really thought I’d let you, huh? Dumb little bitch.” He said as he turned you over onto your stomach. He filled you up again, but before he moved any further he began raining spank after spank onto your ass. You could only assume it was punishment, but it felt far from it. The pain was nothing but masochistic pleasure for you, and sadistic pleasure for him. Each stung more than the last, and thus each felt even better than the last.

Your senses were so overloaded as he started to thrust into you again that your brain had turned to utter mush. Coherent thought was so far behind you it was like it was never something you could’ve done in the first place. The only thing you could process was pleasure, and to enhance it you lifted one of your legs back up onto the table, the other continuing to stay hanging over to keep yourself up. This new angle let Tsukishima hit sinfully deep in you once again, adding to the utter brainrot you were experiencing. Words no longer were an option for you, only whines and whimpers, a stray profanity at the very best.

Tsukishima grabbed a fistful of your hair, picking your head up off the table. He made you look in the direction of the door, bending down to speak into your ear.

“Look, you left the door unlocked. Someone could come in at any moment and watch you getting fucked like the little whore you are. But I’m sure you'd like it if someone saw us, wouldn't you?” 

You couldn't bring yourself to form any sort of coherent response, and Tsukki very well knew that. He chuckled at your attempt to reply, which was just a rhythmic whine as if you were trying to get some words out.  

“You're not very quiet, either. Stupid sluts like you like having everyone know how good they feel, don't they? I’m sure someone's come by to spy in, hearing how utterly pathetic you sound.” 

His words only made you whine and whimper more, your head in an absolute daze from the sheer amount of pleasure you felt. Tsukki let go of your hair and your head fell down, and you got a good look at yourself in the mirrored wood table. Your mouth was hanging open, your hair a tangled mess and drool slipping from the corner of your parted lips. He had fucked you so past dumb you didn't even know you could be this far gone, and all the while you still had no clue if you would be allowed to cum.

Your hips pushed back against his, meeting every one of his thrusts and forcing him deeper. Each time he re-entered his tip made quick contact with your cervix, the repeated feeling driving you absolutely crazy. Your eyes rolled back as you let yourself fall onto the wood once again. You took everything he gave you, all the while holding your orgasm back. Each time he felt you were a little too close he pulled out, you couldn't even count how many times you'd been denied release, you were sure the number was shameful. You could tell this was getting harder on Tsukishima as well, the twitching and pulsating of his cock inside you letting you know he was having trouble holding back as well. 

You saw no use in begging at this point, and you couldn't have mustered the words for it even if you wanted to. You simply whined and whimpered with every thrust, your body jolting forward each time. Tsukki held on tight to your hips, keeping you in place as he pounded mercilessly into you. In your daze all your senses had dulled, but you could hear just enough for Tsukishima's next four words to be heard, almost as clear as day. 

“Cum. Do it now.” 

In an instant you finally let yourself topple over the edge. Your voice was so hoarse you couldn't scream, rather you let out something between an incredibly loud moan and a whimper, your back arching and your legs shaking vigorously. Tears spilled from your eyes as your body was overrun by an orgasm unlike any other you had experienced. The feeling was only intensified by Tsukishima cumming inside you, depositing a sizable load inside of you. Your vision was blurry and a little white around the edges, and your chest heaved as you let out shallow breaths. Soreness set into your body as you took time to regain yourself, almost ten minutes passing before either of you even thought to move. 

Tsukki pulled out of you slowly, admiring how fucked out you looked, your small body sprawled out on the table. He figured moving would be hard for you, so he gently let your leg down and peeled you off the table, sitting down in the chair behind him and sitting you on his lap. Your head fell on his shoulder, your eyes still a little glazed over, but for the most part it seemed you had come to. 

“Are you feeling okay?” You nodded your head lightly, your breath finally leveling out. Your throat was pretty scratchy, and you knew your voice would be raspy, so you just didn't bother speaking yet.

“What have you learned today, then?” 

“A good couple things.” You croaked out, wiping a stray tear from your cheek. 

“Oh really? Enlighten me.”

“Well, I learned that economics is just something I'm never really going to understand. I also learned that you are a complete and utter asshole, even worse than I thought. Finally, I learned that you are a way more experienced man than I thought you were, and maybe I don't hate you as much as I was letting on.” 

Tsukishima laughed out lightly, giving you a bit of an approving nod.

“Good, I’m glad I at least taught you something. Maybe not what I originally intended, but learning is learning. I think with a couple more study sessions you’ll start to understand the econ material, though.” 

You didn't say this out loud, but the thought of getting to spend some more alone time with Tsukishima actually wasn't the most terrible thought in the world. It seemed clear enough to you that the resentment between you two was clearly something much, much different than that, and so you were open to the thought of exploring what it actually was. Maybe not in as much of an erotic way as you just had next time. Not that you would've minded if it escalated to that point. 

Although, you thought, if Tsukki was going to fuck you like that every time, brainrot from class material was going to be the least of your worries. 

The both of you made yourselves presentable again, packing up all your belongings and leaving the room clean before walking out, which you did fairly slowly due to how sore your legs were. You both walked through the library, which was overwhelmingly empty besides a few staff members working hard at hardly working. It was to be expected; it was a Friday night and you were the only two in the world who'd pick studying over any other activity. You stopped just outside the entrance, turning to your side and giving Tsukishima a wave.

“I guess I’ll catch you later then, Tsukishima.” 

“Oh, so no thank you for helping you study? I guess the one thing I didn't teach you was manners, huh y/n?” You chuckled at his comment, shaking your head a bit.

“Guess you didn’t. It’ll have to wait until next time.” You turned on your heel and started in the direction of the train. Before you could get far Tsukki grabbed your arm and pulled you back over to him, holding your chin so softly with his other hand, the action so outrageously condescending.

“Oh no, I’ll gladly teach you right now.”

[fencesandfrogs]

i think the point is, whether or not having to plan around your mom's emotions is bad in a particular scenario kind of depends on the consequences of not doing so.

if the consequences involve her removing access to some basic need, then it's bad because your mom is responsible for providing those and that responsibility should not be conditioned on your behavior.

so i think the crux of the issue, based on what little of the discussion i've seen, is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom, while others around you do.

i also think a possible miscommunication could be happening here; afaik the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money" which given you have documented memory problems, would pull into question whether yelling at you for that is fair or reasonable.

so when you say "my mom yelling at me for being irresponsible doesn't stop my needs from being met" and others say "your mom yelling at you for being irresponsible is not meeting your needs"

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

so like. idk your life well enough to judge. but i think the question is a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

(also idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion. but. as someone who didn't for a really long time and then learned i have neglect-related trauma, it might be worth considering if you're not)

anon i cannot thank you enough for this ask because i've been so confused about this discussion. i was joking with my friends, like, i've seen people have this moment on tumblr before, and i've always been sympathetic, but always like...here hold on screenshot

[transcript: me watching [redacted] do this: i see that you're legitimately confused but i don't know how anyone could break it down any clearer.

me doing this: what the fuck are people saying to me /end transcript]

and now i'm like. "you are all explaining things to me clearly with good words and i should be able to understand them, but i can't."

urgh my hands are cold i know you will experience no time gap but i have to do dishes so i will.

the crux of the issue ... is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom

yeah, pretty much? not that. urgh i'll feel guilty if i don't bring this up but my mom doesn't yell so much as. make you feel like you got yelled at without raising her voice. i've been saying "yell" because there's no short way of saying what she does, and the emotional impact is the same. (source: i've been thru both)

okay that guilt avoided.

anyway yeah, you summed that up pretty well. like...the need is still met if she yells at me. i don't have some inherent right to not get yelled at. she feeds me. that's the need. closed loop.

the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money"

i don't think i have much to say this was just. an angle i hadn't looked at it from before? i think i've been rly focused on my mom and i know that she doesn't rly care about that kind of thing? she didn't care abt it when i was a kid at least. whenever i complained abt my memory she told me not to make excuses. so like.

i dunno. i feel like it's still irresponsible of me? i doubt i spent it on anything essential. i know when i spent money on some fun stuff i specifically texted my mom and asked her to pull from my savings for that, because i was spending on fun stuff. so like. even if i don't remember it, it's still the same problem?

hm. this whole post will get the commentary welcome tag but i'm specifically saying if people have thoughts on this i'd like to hear them.

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

hm.

urgh i feel all turbulent and weird about this. it's like i know i've said all different things about this? to everyone. to my therapist and my friends and on this blog.

i don't.

sorry i'm feeling really staticky.

okay took a little break because my brain was getting soupy. i think you're right about this, although...i dunno. ig intellectually i get why they're upset, but it feels hard to be upset about it. for whatever reason, i can't apply the rules i'd apply to other people to myself. i don't know why. that's just...how things are.

a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

things to talk about with my therapist, presumably. i'm certainly not finding answers to this all tonight. mostly putting this here to highlight it for later.

idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion

honestly i don't even know.

i don't really see all of this as a "basic" need. like, if i accept the premise as true, that she isn't supposed to be like this, i still don't think this is about basic needs. i have food, water, and shelter. i'm getting an education. i have healthcare. idk what my list of basic needs would be, but this whole deal wouldn't be on them.

sigh.

i kinda wanna cry and call my mom about this but i can't call her about her :(

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

of falling & skateboards

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Logan, Virgil, background Remus & Janus Rating: Teen & up Relationships: Pre-romantic/platonic Analogical (first meeting), romantic Dukeceit (getting together), platonic Dukexiety.  Warnings: Language, Remus is somewhat suggestive throughout because he’s Remus, minor injuries Word count: 4541

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

Starlight Universe masterpost

analogical week 2021 start - previous - here - next - masterpost

Summary: Virgil's friend Remus drags him to the skate park and promptly abandons him in order to flirt with Janus; at least Remus had the grace to introduce Virgil to Janus's attractive friend Logan, who is just as poorly versed in skateboarding techniques as Virgil.

Notes: Day 5 of Analogical Week 2021! @analogicalweek Remus uses he/they pronouns; at this point, Janus uses they/them.  Takes place in my Starlight Universe, does not need context to read. 

 Virgil’s phone began ringing, making him jump. He fished it out of his pocket, planning to hang up until he saw the caller ID. It was Remus—one of his new friends. They’d met at a club Virgil had gone to during orientation, and they’d hit it off and started hanging out. 

Virgil picked up the call. “Would it kill you to fucking text me first?” 

“You don’t respond fast enough,” Remus said, sounding bored. 

“Sometimes I’m in class, Remus!” 

“Are you in class now?” Remus asked. 

“...No.” 

“So it’s all good, see!” Remus cackled. “Anyway,” they went on, steamrollering over Virgil’s objection, “you wanna come to the skatepark with me this weekend?” 

That was totally out of the blue. “What?” Virgil asked after a pause. “Why?” 

“So, my brother has this roommate, and he’s super nerdy and boring but I think you’d totally get along and he’s coming to the skatepark with me and you should totally come along and meet him!” Remus explained. 

His voice was a little too self-satisfied. “What’s the catch?” Virgil asked suspiciously. 

Remus gasped dramatically. “Can’t I just want good things for my friend?” 

Virgil waited. 

“Also he’s friends with Janus and he’s bringing them, which is obviously totally unrelated,” Remus added. 

“Aha.” That made more sense; Remus had told Virgil way more information than he wanted to know about their crush on this Janus figure. 

“So you’ll come?” Remus asked eagerly. 

It wasn’t like Virgil had anything else going on this weekend. “Sure. I’ll come distract your friend so you can flirt.” 

“Hey!” Remus yelped, loud enough that Virgil winced and held the phone away from his ear. “Listen, this is a win-win situation for both of us! You’ll love him. Promise. He’s so fucking boring and nerdy, you’re going to talk each other’s ears off. It’ll be great! Trust me!” 

“Sure,” Virgil said, amused. “Text me the time and place. Text me,” he repeated for emphasis, and hung up the phone. 

On Saturday morning, he met up with Remus and the pair of them walked to the bus stop. Remus had their skateboard with them; Virgil didn’t own one, but Remus had assured him that he could check one out at the park for a small fee if he wanted to. 

“You did not say it was fancy,” Virgil accused as the bus pulled away from the stop. 

“What?” Remus looked down at himself. “Oh. No, I’m just sexy, nobody’s supposed to be fancy.” He was wearing a gray sports bra—it was the first time Virgil had seen him without a binder on, but even in a public setting he seemed totally unbothered—and faded jeans with huge holes in the knees, as well as platform doc martens and an olive green bomber jacket with “HE/THEY” stencilled on the back in white paint above a pair of skeletal hands giving double birds. His belly button was pierced and he was wearing a chunky black piece with small silver spikes in it; they had fishnet gloves on their hands, a black choker with small studded spikes on it around their neck, chunky black and silver studs in the three piercings he had in each ear, and messily smudged black and silver eyeshadow. His dark green curls were pushed back into a tiny, low ponytail that did absolutely nothing to contain them or make them less messy. “Pretty sure this isn’t what normal people mean when they say fancy, anyway,” they added thoughtfully. 

“Shut up, this is fancy. You’re being fancy to impress your crush.” Virgil elbowed them in the side. He was only wearing his typical combination of band tee, skinny jeans, and black hoodie; he felt positively underdressed next to them. 

“Yes, I am very very sexy and this is my mating call,” Remus said with an easy shrug. “What can I say?” After a pause, they added, “Do you think it’ll work?” 

Virgil snickered. “Sure. Whatever. You look very punk. I’m sure they’ll be very impressed.” 

“Good,” Remus said happily. “Here, this is our stop.” 

One thing Virgil had learned about Remus was that they had what seemed to be actually boundless energy, and it showed in the way they walked. They practically skipped, moving at a pace so quick Virgil had difficulty keeping up. But Remus was especially energetic today, and it got worse the closer they got to their destination. He was practically vibrating out of his skin by the time the park came in sight. 

“There they are!” he exclaimed, pointing to two people standing in the shade of a tree and making conversation. “Jan is the gothy one, the nerd’s all yours.” 

Virgil screeched to a dead stop and grabbed Remus’s elbow. “Dude.”  

“What?” Remus looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

“You didn’t say he was hot!” Virgil snapped. 

“What?” Remus looked bewildered, looking back to the people he’d pointed out. His expression cleared. “Oh, right, I forgot you can be attracted to cis people.” He looked back at Virgil. “I dunno. Make out with him about it?” 

“Jesus Christ—no! I don’t know anything about him, for starters?”

“Fuck first, ask questions later.” Remus grinned. “Or if you don’t want to, then just get over it. People are hot sometimes. No big deal.”

Virgil spluttered for a moment. “That is such terrible advice, please tell me you don’t actually—”

“No, no, I’m marginally smart sometimes, don’t worry about me. But I don’t know what you want from me, dude.” Remus shrugged. “This really seems like a you problem.” 

“I need to mentally prepare myself before I talk to hot people! A warning would have been nice!” Virgil said, hiding in the hood of his hoodie. 

“Mentally prepare yourself now, then,” Remus said pragmatically. “This is really not my fault, I simply am sexier than you at all times and it gives me the power to say no thank you to being attracted to cis people. How was I supposed to know you’d think he was hot? Like, if you get all hot and bothered by glasses and the walking personification of a college textbook, be my guest, but I don’t get it.” 

Virgil groaned. “Actually, I’ve changed my mind, could you shut up about it forever starting now?” 

“Oh, absolutely not, but your complaint is noted,” Remus said. “C’mon, let’s go say hi, some of us actually want to flirt with the people we think are hot.” They grabbed Virgil’s elbow and dragged him over. 

“Remus,” Hot Glasses Boy said cordially (and dammit, he was tall, which was another thing Virgil found attractive). “This is your friend, I assume?” 

“Yeah!” Remus grinned. “Logan, Virgil, Virgil, Logan. Apparently you’re hot. He’s emo. You’re both nerds, you should get along great.” 

“Remus!” Virgil snapped, cheeks going hot with embarrassment. 

“What? What?” Remus demanded, then elbowed past Virgil. “Hiiiii, Janus.” 

Janus raised a singular eyebrow, looking for some reason amused rather than annoyed. “Hello there.” They eyed him up and down. “I like your jacket,” they added, very obviously staring at his chest in a way that Virgil suspected has nothing to do with the jacket. 

Remus grinned and did a little twirl. “Thanks, I decorated it myself,” he said, wiggling his shoulders. “Wanna see me do a sick kickflip?” 

“Sure,” Janus agreed, and allowed Remus to link his arm through theirs and drag them eagerly away in the direction of the skating area, already talking a mile a minute and beaming up at them. 

Which left Virgil alone with this Logan guy and no idea what to talk about. He coughed, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Now that he was up close like this, Logan actually looked familiar, but Virgil couldn’t quite place him. Shit. Should he know him from something? 

“Don’t we have History 104 together?” Logan said, breaking the silence (and saving Virgil from the approximately two dozen different social gaffes he knew he was probably committing by not knowing what to say) all at once.

Virgil breathed out a sigh of relief, because yeah, that was it; this was the guy who sat at the front of the huge lecture hall and always raised his hand (and his voice was unmistakable too, now that he’d spoken; Virgil would have placed him in another minute). “Oh, yeah,” he said. He had no clue how the guy recognized Virgil; it was a big class, and Virgil usually sat by the back. Maybe he noticed Virgil on his way in? Virgil guessed he sat kind of close to the door. It was possible. 

“What do you think of the class?” Logan asked, and for some reason he sounded genuinely curious, not like he was just making small talk for the sake of it. 

Virgil had absolutely skipped two class sessions and napped through another, but he found himself not wanting to admit it. “It’s alright, I guess. The professor’s kind of dry for me, but the readings are okay.” That was more or less true, although it was maybe the most positive spin on his opinion. 

Logan nodded, adjusting his glasses and absorbing Virgil’s words like they were actually important information. “He is a bit long-winded sometimes. I wish he would be clearer about which things he intends to test us on.” 

Virgil nodded vigorously. “Right? Like, what’s up with that? Why is he spending twenty minutes out of the hour telling us about, I don’t know farming practices, or whatever, if he’s just going to say ‘oh, but that stuff won’t be on the test, I just think it’s interesting’ at the end?” 

“Well, it is interesting,” Logan said. (Virgil disagreed, but held his tongue.) “But I do wish he’d be clearer about what he intends for us to be taking away from his lectures ahead of time.” 

Virgil nodded again, and there was a brief silence while he scrambled for something to say. 

He glanced over Logan’s shoulder at the skating area; Janus was sitting on the edge with their legs dangling into the area, watching Remus, who was skateboarding back and forth at a speed that couldn’t be safe. 

“So,” Virgil said, looking back to Logan because he was pretty sure he’d scream if he watched Remus tempt fate any longer, “you’re friends with Remus?” 

Logan made a gesture that wasn’t quite a shrug. “I suppose so. He’s my roommate Roman’s twin, and the two of them spend a lot of time together, so I think I am friends with him by association. I’m much closer with Roman. Not that I don’t enjoy Remus’s company. I simply don’t know them as well yet.” 

“Right, right,” Virgil said. 

“How are you acquainted with them?” Logan asked. 

“Oh, we met at a club during orientation,” Virgil said. “We hang out a lot. He’s pretty chill most of the time.” Well. “Chill” wasn’t really the right word to describe anything Remus did, ever. But it did describe Virgil’s feelings towards him. 

“Ah, I see.” Logan nodded. “Do you know Janus at all?” 

“Not really—I mean, Remus talks about them a ton, but we haven’t really met or anything,” Virgil said. “You do, though, right?” 

“Yes, we were in the same group at orientation, and now we’re friends,” Logan said. “They and I like to deconstruct TV scripts together.” 

That sounded incredibly nerdy, and Virgil wasn’t even sure what it meant. “Wow,” he said, not sure how else to react. “Fun?” 

Logan smiled, and fuck, Virgil had managed to forget he was cute for a minute there, but it was back in full force now. “It’s lots of fun,” he agreed. 

They made some more small talk—majors, hometowns, and so on. Logan actually paid attention to every word Virgil said, and he was surprisingly easy to open up to. He didn’t seem judgemental, instead accepting every word Virgil spoke as important. Virgil was actually starting to feel comfortable talking to him, which was… cool. Remus’s assessment of the way they’d get along evidently hadn’t been too off. 

After a while, Logan looked over his shoulder at Remus and Janus; Remus had coaxed Janus onto the skateboard, and was pushing them back and forth, his hands clasped carefully around their waist and a huge grin spread across his face. 

“Are you planning to try that?” Logan asked Virgil, gesturing at the little building off to the side that was renting out skateboards and safety gear. 

Virgil hesitated. “I don’t know… are you?” he asked. 

Logan made a considering face. “I might. I’ve never been on a skateboard before.” 

“Wait, really?” Virgil asked. He hadn’t in a long time, but he’d been obsessed when he was twelve. He didn’t think that he’d been very good, but it hadn’t been for a lack of trying. 

Logan shook his head. “No, never.” 

“Well, we’ve got to change that,” Virgil found himself saying in spite of all the common sense that screams at him to not do something with such a high likelihood of making him look like a fool in front of a cute boy who was also turning out to be surprisingly easy to talk to, and thus a potential friend, which was honestly way more valuable than cuteness. 

Logan looked pleased, though, like he’d been hoping Virgil would agree, so Virgil couldn’t find it in himself to regret the decision. “Together, then?” he inquired. 

“Sure,” Virgil agreed, and they made their way into the building. 

They rented a pair of skateboards and two sets of safety gear for the minimum time—thirty minutes, at $15 apiece, which was definitely higher than Remus had implied but Virgil did luckily have the cash to spare—and made their way out to the skating area. 

Remus was now skating in tight, fast circles around Janus, who was holding perfectly still and calm at the lowest point of one of the curves built into the area. Virgil was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to be in the area without a skateboard of their own, but he also wasn’t about to tell them off and bring down the wrath of Remus upon himself. The two seemed engrossed in conversation, anway. 

Logan led Virgil to a completely different space from that which Remus and Janus were taking up. Virgil was grateful; he didn’t feel like being made fun of, no matter how good-naturedly, by Remus at this time, and while Janus was likely interesting enough to keep Remus from following them over here, they would never have passed up the opportunity if Logan and Virgil had stayed anywhere nearby. 

Logan stared at the skateboard he’d set down before himself on a flat space, looking vaguely perplexed. “You just climb on, right?” he inquired. 

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “You can, like, kick off with your foot to move, and stuff. Kind of like riding a bike.” He instantly regretted the comparison, and tacked on a hasty, “Only, not that much.” 

Logan made a small “huh” noise. “Interesting.” He cautiously put a foot on the skateboard and tested his weight on it. “Oh, I do not like that.” 

Virgil chuckled a little, tugging at the strap of his helmet to make sure it was securely fastened. “Yeah, it’s a pretty weird feeling, huh?” 

“The ground should be stable,” Logan said emphatically, staring at the skateboard that he was still barely resting one foot on with an expression on his face like it had personally wronged him. 

Virgil snickered. “Can’t say I disagree with you there, buddy. But seriously, it’s not too bad once you get used to it.” He hopped onto his own skateboard as if to prove his point, but he hadn’t realized he’d set it up on the barest incline, and as soon as his second foot left the ground it rolled right out from under him. 

“Are you okay?” Logan gasped, reaching to offer him a hand up. 

Virgil half laughed, because that was the best option just at this moment, trying his best to ignore the wish to go hide in a hole in the ground until everyone left and then never talk to Logan ever again. “I guess I deserved that,” he said, trying to shrug it off. “Got too cocky.” 

“You still shouldn’t get hurt! Are you okay?” Logan insisted, hands fluttering vaguely like he was resisting an instinct to check Virgil for injuries. 

Virgil’s tailbone was a little sore, which he was absolutely not going to admit to Logan under any circumstances when he’d only known the guy for half an hour, but aside from that—“I’m fine,” he insisted, brushing himself off. “Uh, thanks for the concern, though. I appreciate it,” he added awkwardly. 

“Are you sure? You—” Logan began. 

There was a loud cry of “FUCK!” from just out of sight that was undeniably Remus’s voice, followed by a crashing noise. 

“Oh, fuck indeed,” Virgil said under his breath, and scooped up his skateboard. “Come on.” 

Remus was rolling over as Virgil and Logan came into view of him; Janus was already kneeling by his side, worry plain to see on their face. 

“It was a very cool fall, don’t worry,” Remus yelled over at Virgil, pushing themself up on their elbows. “Ow, fuck.” 

“That is not the part I’m worried about, idiot!” Virgil called back as Remus gingerly poked at his knees, which were both scraped and bleeding. 

“No no, I’m fine, leave me alone, Virge,” Remus insisted hastily, making some complicated hand waving motions and glancing meaningfully at Janus. 

Janus looked very put out by this. “No, you know what, I’m inclined to let him scold you! Why would you not wear knee pads?” they demanded, grabbing Remus’s elbow, helping them to their feet, and guiding them to the side of the rink with motions far gentler than their words. 

Virgil paused, watching to see if Janus needed help, but now that it seemed they had it under control much more inclined to give into Remus’s wishes and let them handle it. 

“Because anarchy,” Remus said, grinning up at Janus and leaning all his weight on them, legs shaking slightly. 

Janus pushed him to sit on a bench with a fury that still managed to be gentle. “First of all, that is not what anarchy is, and second of all, even if it were, that’s still an objectively stupid decision to—”

“Oh, no, what a terrible mistake I’ve made,” Remus said with a shit-eating grin that told Virgil he knew the definition of anarchy perfectly well. “If only there were a smart, sexy nonbinary person around who knew all about anarchy, who could tell me what it really is while they tenderly bandage my wounds!” They cast themself back on the bench dramatically, draping the back of their hand across their forehead. 

Janus flushed slightly. “You could have just asked,” they said, and though their voice still had an annoyed bite it was softer now. “You didn’t have to get hurt before I gave you more attention.” They sank to their knees on the ground in front of him, examining the scrapes on his knees. 

Remus sat back up, reached out, and cupped Janus’s cheek in his hand, leaning far into their personal space. “Trust me, babe,” he said, and then something too low for Virgil to catch that made Janus flush a brilliant shade of red. 

Remus grinned and sat back, his fingers slowly dragging against Janus’s skin as he removed his hand from their face. “I have a first aid kit somewhere in here,” he said in a more normal tone, digging in his pockets and procuring a small white plastic box. He hesitated, eyes flicking to Janus. “If you don’t want—”

Janus rolled their eyes and shook their head. “Give me that.” They grabbed the kit and flipped it open, pinning down Remus’s legs with their elbows. “Don’t move.” 

Remus only rested his cheek on his fist, gazing down at Janus with a look on his face far softer and fonder than Virgil thought they’d ever admit to, should he call them out on it. 

“So,” Logan said in a low voice to Virgil, “please help me out here. Are they dating? I can’t tell.” 

“I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s unclear on that,” Virgil responded in a similar tone, going to go pick up Remus’s abandoned skateboard. “I—I don’t think so? From the way Remus talked about this beforehand, I would have been sure not. But then they—” He gestured vaguely at Remus and Janus. 

“Exactly!” Logan agreed. “I wasn’t even sure if Janus liked them back before we got here, from how they talked about him.” 

Virgil snorted, watching Janus gently sponging Remus’s knees clean with a shockingly tender expression on their face, which up until now had been haughty. “That must have been a trip.” 

“You have no idea.” Logan shook his head. “Alright. I will continue to allow it to be a frustrating mystery, since you don’t seem to have the answer either. Do you wish to attempt skateboarding again before we have to return these?” 

Virgil glanced at his watch; there were only seven minutes left. “I dunno. It feels like Remus getting hurt kind of killed the mood for it a little, you know?” 

“I can understand that,” Logan agreed. 

They checked their skateboards and safety gear back in (Virgil deposited Remus’s skateboard next to the bench he was on as they went), and then made their way back outside. The sun was starting to reach just the sort of angle in the sky where it was annoying no matter which direction you were facing, so Logan and Virgil retreated to the shade of one of the nearby trees. 

“Did you know,” Logan began, examining a fallen leaf on the ground, “that you can actually eat magnolia blooms?” 

“Wait, oh my god, yeah!” Virgil sat up. “I haven’t done it before, but I really like making preserves.” It was a good activity for days when his anxiety just wouldn’t go away no matter what he did, because it took a long time and a lot of hands-on work that always helped to take himself out of his thoughts for a while. 

Logan lit up, adjusting his glasses and peering at Virgil with keen interest in his dark brown eyes. “Really? That’s fascinating! Tell me more!” 

That was honestly all it took to get Virgil to start explaining his hobby, and if he’d thought Logan had been paying attention to him when he talked before, that was nothing compared to this eager interest to learn that Logan was now displaying. He asked just the right questions to egg Virgil on and on, and occasionally interjected facts of his own, some of which Virgil knew and some of which he didn’t. It sounded like Logan didn’t have much actual experience with preserving food, but a decent framework of theoretical knowledge. 

“I wish I could see what that looks like in practice,” Logan said at one point, as Virgil explained the way fruit jellying worked. 

“I mean, I bet there’s videos on YouTube,” Virgil said thoughtfully. 

“Yes, but it’s not the same, you know?” 

Virgil turned this over. “Tell you what. Jellying is a lot of work, and I don’t think we could really do it in a dorm kitchen, but here. Give me your number. I’m down to show you some kind of preserving method. I’m sure we can figure out a way to make it work with what we’ve got.” He dug his phone out and opened it to a new contact page. 

Logan’s eyes widened. “Really?” 

“For sure, dude.” Virgil handed him the phone and watched as he punched his number in. “It’s been a while since I did any kitchen work anyway, I could use the destressor.” 

“I would love that, thank you!” Logan said with an enthusiasm that was absolutely catching. 

Virgil chuckled. “No problem.” As he reaccepted the phone from Logan, he noticed the time at the top of the screen. “Oh, shit, it’s nearly three. Do you have anywhere to be?” 

Logan blinked. “Really? It doesn’t feel like it’s been long at all.” 

“I know, right?” Virgil agreed with a small laugh. Talking to Logan was surprisingly enjoyable, given how rare it was for Virgil to really like the company of new people.

“I do have a paper due tonight that I haven’t started yet,” Logan said thoughtfully.

“Dude, what? Oh my god.” Virgil felt the onset of deadline panic setting in, even though it wasn’t even his own deadline. “What do you mean, you haven’t started?”  

“Oh, it’s fine.” Logan waved his concern away. “It’s only three pages, I can do it no problem by then.” 

“But, like, research? Drafts?” 

“No, I already know it all. I can find sources to back me up easily. Trust me, I know what I can and can’t get away with when writing a paper. I only need to worry about drafts and research when it’s five pages or more. Anything less than that I can write the day it’s due and still get an A.” Logan spoke with an easy confidence that would be annoying in almost anyone else, but that somehow couldn’t quite manage to put Virgil off. Not after the absolute delight Logan had shown over the last half hour as he learned from Virgil. 

“If you say so. I still hate that,” Virgil told him. 

“That is what most people say when they learn about my homework methods.” Logan nodded. “Should we gather up our companions—oh.” His eyes widened as he looked over Virgil’s shoulder. “Um.” 

Virgil turned to look too. “Wow. Uh.” 

Remus and Janus were—well, to put it bluntly, they were making out. Much more extensively than was probably appropriate, given the public setting. Remus had Janus backed against a wall, with their legs around his waist as he held them up and kissed them, sloppy and desperate and gleeful, like he was on a mission to map and memorize the shape of their mouth. Janus was clinging to him tightly and kissing back like they’d never get another chance to. 

“Um,” Logan repeated again, frantically looking anywhere but at their friends. “Well. That is. Something.” 

Virgil laughed a little, also looking away. “Yeah… I mean. I guess now our question about dating is maybe answered?” 

“I hope so,” Logan said fervently. “However, just at this moment, I feel a strong inclination to, ah, pretend I don’t know either of them.” He chuckled, but Virgil got the distinct sense he was only half joking. 

Virgil snickered. “I mean, I feel like they’d deserve it at this point if we deserted them. Want to head back to campus together?” 

Logan perked up. “Really?” 

“Sure, dude. You seem pretty cool.” Virgil offered an awkward fistbump, and after staring wide-eyed at it for a brief second, Logan returned it. 

“You seem cool as well,” he said. “Shall we?” 

“Let’s do it.” Virgil got to his feet and followed Logan to the bus stop.

Virgil wasn’t normally one to get his hopes up, but he hoped this Logan guy would stick around for a while. He seemed like exactly the sort of person Virgil could have an amazing friendship with.

Taglist: @fivehargreeves05 

[possessingtheproperspirit]

hellooo!! L + H + F if you don't mind <3

Helloooooo!! Thanks for sending these <33

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

It varies, mainly based on how tired I am/how fed up of the writing I am by the time I get to posting. Sometimes it's very much a case of "ugh I can't look at this anymore, if there are issues then so be it", and other times I take a few runs at it. I don't enjoy editing and revising that much and, actually, a lot of it happens each time I open the doc to write—I go back through to remind myself where I've got to, and tinker with it as I go.

H: How would you describe your style?

I find this a hard question, in that I'm not sure how I'd describe anyone's style, let alone my own! I think it's very emotion-centred. A bit zingy. A bit/lot painful.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Okay I chose a snippet that can't really be deemed a snippet but I just really like it, okay?

Remus was sat on his bed, scribbling something on a piece of parchment; he looked up and watched as James dumped his dirty Quidditch kit in a heap on the floor, kicked the dorm door shut and moved to sit at the foot of Moony’s bed.

“I saw Lily in the bath,” he said, deciding that preamble would be a waste of time.

Remus’ eyes widened comically and he sat forward. “I’m sorry—what?”

“Apparently there’s been an issue with the prefect bathroom door, it doesn’t always shut properly and it hadn’t done, and I wandered in there all innocent and muddy from practice to find her in the bath.” The words rushed out of him—it was almost a relief. He sighed and lowered his voice a little, furtively. “Moony, I almost saw her tits.”

Remus could only blink for a few seconds before he found any words. “Wow…”

“Yeah,” James agreed.

“I mean…blimey,” Remus shook his head.

“Yeah,” he said again, and paused. The quiet of the dorm room struck him, and he thought about what he had caught sight of downstairs—Sirius and Pete hadn’t looked very far into their game. He lifted his gaze to look his friend in the eye. “This is an embarrassing secret, Moony. You know why I’m telling you?”

Remus raised an eyebrow, and a shoulder in a shrug. “Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend.”

James watched, fondly, as the flash of realisation crossed Moony’s face—that he’d wandered unwittingly into a Serious Conversation, one he’d been avoiding since his return, and now there was no easy way out of it. “Prongs—” he started.

“You know how there’s a scale of, I dunno, affection?” James carried on; best to cut the chap off before he got a head of steam going. “With, let’s say, Rosier and Mulciber and those utter cretins at one end, and my mum and dad at the other?”

Remus eyed him warily. “James, I don’t need you to—”

“On this scale,” he barrelled on cheerfully, “there’s mum and dad, obviously, and then just below them is a three-way tie.” He held up three fingers to tick them off. “You, Sirius, Pete. All the same level, as it happens, because best friend isn’t just one tiny pedestal, it’s a…” he paused thoughtfully. “Yes! It’s a platform. With space for several people.”

Remus had that uncomfortable, squirmy look about him that told James that he was trying desperately not to get emotional. “Seriously, James, you don’t need to…tend to my wounded ego or anything.”

James fixed him with a stern look. “Piss off, Moony. You can’t tell me who my best friends are. I’m the one who makes that decision.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was gentler. “I’m sorry. After…what happened, I just wanted things to be okay again, but…that shouldn’t have come at the expense of your feelings.”

Remus dropped his gaze. “S’alright.”

“It’s not,” James insisted quietly. “Sirius fucked up. He knows it. Pete knows it. I know it. And if you think I haven’t been angry and sad and…and fucked off about what he did to you, then I’m sorry, because I should’ve made it clearer.”

A silence fell, although it wasn’t awkward. James had a feeling that Remus was using the opportunity to gather himself.

“It felt like we’d lost a limb without you here, Moony,” he added eventually. “If you think you aren’t important, that you don’t matter to us, then I’m sorry but you’re fucking mad.”

A smile, finally, cracking just slightly through on his pale face. “Alright,” he said, voice thick with feelings unnamed. “Christ. You’ve made your point. I believe you.”

“Good,” James nodded. “But I’ll keep reminding you at regular intervals, just in case.”

“Kind of you,” Remus replied dryly.

“And you might want to put the stopper in that inkwell,” he suggested.

Remus frowned in brief confusion before the truth of what was about to happen dawned on him. “Wait—”

“Incoming!” James beamed before launching himself at his friend, half hug, half tackle that ended up with them both falling off the bed, Remus kicking him in the shins and James declaring all out war as he attempted to sit on his friend’s chest.

I am proud of this chunk of dialogue (chapter 10 of The Price We Pay, for full details, see my published works #gilderoyforever) because I feel like it hits several key notes for me. 1) James being head over heels for Lily and desperately trying not to be. 2) James being a fucking dreamboat of a friend, so earnest and sweet and kind. 3) Remus being a bit of an emotionally-constipated struggler, god love him. 4) James showing affection by leaping on his friend.

I mean, what more could one ask for...?

Send me an ask from this list, if you'd like!

[osakaso5]

La Danse Macabre

Episode 31

Chapter Index

31-1: At Rebellion's Base (1)

Libel: .......

Libel: ...Rebellion's base. It feels like I haven't been here in ages. 

- - - -

Libel: Who are you people!? How do you know all this!?

Kuon: .......

Kuon: Actually...

Kuon: I was once a Celestial myself, a very long time ago. 

- - - -

Libel: .......

Libel: I'll save you, Arme...

[Door opens]

- - - -

Arme: Ah, welcome home, Libel.

Libel: Yeah, I'm ba--

Libel: Aack!?

Libel: Arme!?

Arme: Yes! It's me!

Qual: You're late. I can't believe you made us wait, after we made it all the way over here.

Libel: ......!?

Libel: Q-Qual!?

Qual: Hmph, you look as foolish as I remember.

Arme: Why are you acting so hostile towards him, Qual!?

Libel: W-what's going on..? Why are you with Rebellion..!

Cura: Pfft..!

Cura: Gyahahahaha!

Libel: Cura...

Cura: Wheeze... It's been so long since the last time I saw you make that face. Holy crap, it's funny.

Libel: .......

Cura: Phew... my bad. In any case, I'm glad you made it here safe.

Libel: ...T-tell me what's going on already...

Cura: Ah, I don't actually know either. The kid's the one who contacted us...

Cura: We went to get him, and lo and behold, Qual was with him.

Qual: ...Thank you for the reception. 

Cura: We all decided they'd explain everything once you return, so I haven't heard anything from them yet.  

Libel: ...I see.

Qual: Let's get to it. Cura, may we borrow a council room of yours?

Cura: I dunno if you could call it that, but follow me.

Arme: Then, I'll...

Libel: No--

Qual: No, you should wait out here, Arme. There's something I need to discuss with these two only.

Libel: ......!

Arme: Hmm... Is that so?

Arme: I'll feel a bit lonely by myself, but I presume this discussion is not for my ears, yes?

Qual: ...Yes. Just trust me. I won't do anything that might harm our friendship in any way.

Arme: ...Very well! I'll wait!

Libel: ....... 

- - - -

Cura: That's horrible...

Cura: The Celestial was a magic weapon all along... Made for mass slaughter...

Qual: Yes. Have you witnessed anything strange while with him?

Cura: .......! 

- - - -

Cura: I wonder if they managed to get away...

Cura: ......! Coff... coff...

Cura: Huh? Blood..? What's going on here..? 

- - - -

Cura: So that's what that was...

- - - -

Fuga: I don't get it. I don't get what you're trying to say...

Fuga: I can't be like you, Libel...

Fuga: .......! Coff... coff...

Cura: Hey, what's wrong!? ...You're coughing up blood! Get some sleep, Fuga...

Fuga: ........ 

----

Cura: ...And Fuga, too...

Cura: H-hey, Libel! Are you feeling okay? You've been hanging closer to the boy than the rest of us.

Libel: Yeah, I'm completely fine.

Cura: Huh? That's weird. Maybe it depends on the person?

Libel: It could have something to do with genetics.

Qual: .......

Qual: ...You don't seem very shocked by all this, Libel.

Libel: Yeah... Someone else told me before you did. I was hoping they were lying...

Libel: But I guess not.

Qual: ......? There's someone else who knows the truth..?

Cura: This is bloodcurdling stuff. I had no idea every moment we spent with the kid could've been our last...

Qual: Master Misericorde said that Arme's negative emotions affect the intensity of the curse.

Qual: The fact that you've spent such long amounts of time with him and not suffered greater consequences...

Qual: ...Most likely means that having you around puts him at ease. ...As much as that annoys me.

Libel: ....... 

31-2: At Rebellion's Base (2)

Cura: Well, what do we do, Libel? If Qual here is telling the truth, that  means we're in danger around the boy.

Cura: Plus, the Celestial isn't someone  we can use for negotiations. If anything,  having him in their enemy's territory is just  what they want. Our original plan has gone  completely out the window.

Libel: ...I have an even clearer idea of what we need to do now.

Libel: I'll free Arme of the Celestial's curse.

Qual: ........

Libel: It'll destroy the system he was borne out of entirely. We need the Ark to lose access to their biggest weapon.

Libel: That way, none of this can happen ever again.

Cura: ...Uh, yeah, I suppose... You've got a point.

Cura: As long as the Ark's got weapons like this, we can't fight or negotiate jack...

Cura: Only the highest ranking members of the church know about the Celestial, right? I guess that means  we need to do something about them...

Libel: We'll bring about a world without the curse. ...A completely new world.

Cura: A new world, eh. It's got a nice ring to it...

Cura: Still... It's pretty damn convenient that your desire to free the world and the kid would go hand- in-hand...

Libel: It's not just a desire. I believe that the new world will need someone like Arme.

Qual: ...I'll help.

Libel: ...Qual.

Qual: I fight for Arme. As a friend would.

Qual: In order to secure him the freedom he wants, removing his curse is a necessity.

Qual: That, and there shouldn't be any more children like him. ...This is a personal wish of mine.

Qual: We have a common goal.

Cura: You feel kinda different from before...

Qual: Perhaps I do.

Qual: The one we should go after is Master Eternea. He's the ruler of Nerve. If anyone knows how to remove the curse, it's him.

Qual: Let's persuade him. Peacefully or otherwise.

Cura: ...You sure about this? Since you're part of the church, won't defying them land you in hot water?

Qual: I don't care. I've decided to fight for Arme. My position couldn't matter less to me.

Cura: You sure did flip from one extreme to the other...

Libel: Do you have a plan?

Qual: We march our way in.

Libel: Sounds fun.

Cura: Hold on, are you serious? I thought you'd take a more delicate approach than that, Qual.

Qual: When we escaped from the Ark, I destroyed their security systems. I had planned to return there eventually.

Qual: Right now is the ideal moment for invasion, as long as our numbers are kept small.

Cura: Sounds reckless to me...

Cura: I'm starting to think you and Qual might have a lot in common, Libel...

Libel: ...Qual.

Qual: What do you expect me to do with that hand?

Libel: Shake it. Or are handshakes  not a thing on the Ark?

Libel: Let's fight together.

Qual: Hmph.

Qual: Don't get the wrong idea... I don't give a damn about the people down here. I'm only doing this for Ar--

Libel: .......

Libel: You hear that, Cura?

Cura: Yep, I sure did. Almost couldn't believe my ears.

Qual: What?

Libel: I didn't know some people actually say stuff like "don't get the wrong idea" in situations like these.

Cura: Yeah, that was super lame...

Libel: Say it one more time, Qual. That's not a phrase we get to hear a lot down here.

Qual: You scum... I'll kill you... 

- - - -

Cura: ...What about the kid?

Libel: Qual is explaining everything to him.

Cura: He's not gonna talk about the curse though, is he?

Libel: No. We shouldn't put undue stress on Arme. Qual and I could both agree on that.

Cura: ...Got it.

Libel: ........

Libel: Cura. About Fuga...

Cura: Ah... Don't bother, I heard  what happened when you called.

Libel: I can't let that be the only time we talk about him.

Libel: His death was my fault.

Cura: ...Yeah, it was. Your strength is probably the biggest thing that  drove him to the edge.

Libel: ........

Cura: I'm not telling you to let it go. You shouldn't.

Cura: His death should bother you for the rest of your life.

Cura: And don't you dare break down. Staying strong is the only way you'll ever make it up to him.

Libel: Yeah... I'll do that.

Cura: Good. Also...

Cura: I won't be coming to the Ark with you. Being around the kid would put my life in danger.

Libel: That's fine.

Cura: I can't go dying right now. Not for Fuga, or any of the other comrades we've lost.

Cura: My job is to live and continue what they couldn't finish.

Libel: If anything happens to me, I'm leaving you in charge.

Cura: Stupid. ...Nobody could  ever replace you.

Cura: Don't you dare die, Libel.

Libel: ........ 

To be continued...

[cheeriecherry]

Birds Of A Feather [4/7]

Hawks x Fem!Reader

Warnings: some swearing, a kiss

Part 4/7

By the end of the week, you’re walking into Hawks’ penthouse with nothing but a duffel bag of clothes. Most of your stuff had been moved to storage, but you’d told him you’d bring your own sheets, blankets, and pillows for the couch. He’d stared at you like you’d grown a second head.

He’d then gone on a tangent about how he had guest rooms, obviously, and how his sheets would be softer than yours. He’s probably not wrong, with his 1200 thread count egyptian cotton, but the way he says it ruffles you a bit. You don’t mention it, though. You don’t want to give him any kind of reason to kick you out.

“Hey chickadee, you gonna stand in the entrance all night, or are you gonna come in?”

You snap out of your stupor when Hawks calls to you, and continue lugging your things through the door.

The inside of the penthouse is beautiful; tastefully decorated (probably professionally), and it’s spacious rough that you could spread your wings out fully. The doorways are wider than average, likely catering to your boss’ specific needs. The entire place is gorgeous, immaculate even, and any person in their right mind would kill to live here.

You kind of detest it.

“I had some people come in this afternoon and set up the guest suite for you,” he says, kicking off his boots and flopping onto the couch. “They also brought some of your uniforms in from the agency, so you can change here. You won’t have to go in so early.”

“Thank you,” you tell him, and you mean it. Personal opinions aside, he’s let you into his home out of kindness. You’ll not soon disrespect that.

“Ah, you’re standing and staring again. Are you that impressed with the place?”

You snap back to attention for a second time, and hike your bag further up your shoulder. “I-it’s not that!” you try to explain, “I was just expecting something...different?”

Hawks sits up on the couch. “Whadya mean?”

“I dunno.” You shrug. “More lived in, I guess? Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful here, especially the balcony, but it’s also very...what’s the word…”

“Mature and charming?” he tries, but you shake your head.

He offers a few more suggestions, things like ‘perfect’ and ‘homey’ and ‘colourful’, each word hitting further and further from your mark.

Then it comes to you. “Monotone and sterile!” you nearly shout, your success momentarily quieting your desire to be polite. “It’s like it’s fresh out of a magazine, or a model home. Don’t take it the wrong way, Boss, I’m not hating on your tastes, but if I’m gonna be staying here indefinitely, I’m gonna have to add some personal touches.” You remember your manners. “If that’s okay…”

You worry that you may have offended him, with the way he’s looking at you, but a smile slowly spreads across his face, his eyes sparkling.

“Finally,” he sighs, “someone who speaks their damn mind.”

“Eh?”

“Do you know how many of the people I’ve invited here tell me ‘how beautiful’ it is?” He adjusts his wings and settles comfortably back into the couch. “All of them. Every single one. And look, I’m grateful that I’ve got this place, but it’s just a house. No sentimentality, no memories...just a space.”

“Well...it’s polite to not insult someone’s home when they invite you over…” you mumble, the severity of your outburst making your face heat up.

“Maybe,” he says. “Or maybe they’re all schmoozing and hoping to get on my good side.”

The bitterness in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you decide to leave it be. He should be free to be himself in his own home, and not have to put up any kind of front. You hoped he’d supply you the same courtesy, when you inevitably would wake up on the wrong side of the bed some mornings.

“Anyways,” he flips the TV on and tosses the remote to the side, “it’s late. You should probably unpack your stuff before you’re too tired.”

“Yeah…” you realize how wiped out you are as the weariness starts to settle in. “I’ve got tomorrow off though, so...if I wake up on time, I’ll bring you curry.”

You can hear him cheering as you walk down the hall to the guest room, and you smile. You’ll never understand his love for chicken, even though his enthusiasm boosted your confidence.

The room is spacious and airy, and has a beautiful view of the city. The bed itself is probably big enough to hold three people, and you’re silently grateful that your wings won’t be hanging on the floor while you sleep anymore. 

You set your bag down by the door, and flop face first onto the mattress. God, it was the most plush thing you’d ever had the pleasure to lay on.

“I’ll unpack tomorrow,” you mumble, sinking further into the sheets and, eventually, sleep.

In the distance, you hear Hawks snoring.

----

You wake up the next day to sunlight hitting your face. It’s bright, and annoying, and too warm, and your bed really wants you to keep sleeping but you don’t think you can.

You sit up.

You can feel that your hair is a disheveled mess, and your tongue feels gummy and sour.

“Blegh.”

You (regrettably) roll out of bed and make your way to the bathroom to fix your morning vibes, checking the time along the way. Ten is later than you would have liked to wake up, but you suppose you really needed the sleep. And you did, surprisingly, feel more rested than you had in months.

It’s ten thirty by the time you’re done in the washroom, overall energy more put together and presentable, and you waste no time heading for the kitchen.

The kitchen which is...painfully under-stocked. A couple of condiments and wilting vegetables in the fridge...some frozen meat in the freezer...a bag of rice under the sink, for some reason, and...a completely full spice rack, every bottle unopened.

You knew your boss didn’t spend a lot of time at home, but this was just sad. 

You make a mental note to go shopping later.

Thankfully he seems to have the necessary ingredients for chicken curry, which you’re happy about. It means you won’t have to brave the store just yet.

Bit by bit, you pull out what you need in order to cook, only sitting down when you have a moment to spare as the rice cooks.

‘Hey Boss, I’m making curry for lunch. Want me to bring you some?’

You send him a text. It’s still fairly early, and you know he has his meetings in the morning, so you doubt that he’ll get back to you before-

Your phone buzzes.

‘Chickadee, you sure know the way to my heart. I’ll leave my office window open.’

You send him a thumbs up emoji.

----

Once the food is finished, you pack it up into two containers, opting to leave the rest in the pot for now. You made lots, enough to get several meals out of it, just in case Hawks pulled his ‘too busy to cook’ excuse when trying to convince you to order take-out.

It doesn’t take long to fly to the agency, the skies much clearer than the roads. The city itself seems relatively calm, no sounds of explosions or screaming. There is a distant plume of dark smoke on the horizon, though…

But there were other heroes in the area. You wouldn’t be missed if you didn’t show up for one disaster...right?

But then you land in the window of your boss’ office, and your worry spikes. The room is empty, door closed, lights off, paperwork strewn about on the desk...like he’d run off in a hurry.

You pull your phone out and send him a text.

‘Lemme know if something came up. I brought lunch, but I can put it away for later. Stay safe!

-Chickadee’

He doesn’t reply, but that’s expected if he’s dealing with some kind of crisis. Maybe you should have headed to whatever disaster you’d seen earlier...if it was bad enough to call on your boss, it must be a pretty dire situation. Maybe he could use an extra pair of wings?

You sigh and take a seat beside the window, staring out at the city skyline. The black smoke across the way has turned to a dusty grey colour, a much less threatening hue, and one that bode well for any possible fires.

He’ll be fine, you decide, with other heroes undoubtedly on the scene. By the time you’d get there, whatever was happening would be dealt with.

You pull out your phone to scroll through the news while you eat.

Nothing urgent appears on the screen, nothing to incline that you were needed somewhere, nothing to say extra help was needed. Just day-old stories, gossip columns, the occasional media review. You do startle a little when a new article pops up that’s focused around your boss. You click on it, expecting to see some kind of haggard scene...but you only laugh.

“Hawks, most eligible bachelor in Japan, off the market?” You scroll further into the article to see what kind of nonsense the reporters have come up with this time.

What you don’t expect, is to find pictures of yourself littering the page. Pictures of you and Hawks together. On patrol, talking over lunch at a cafe he took you to one time, walking into his agency side by side, and -most recently- the two of you landing on his balcony.

You’re slightly panicked, and very, very flustered. Had he seen the column? God, he was probably used to it, though, being as popular as he was. All he had to do was look at someone and the media would start crying wolf, which in your opinion, was stupid.

Still, the more you read the article, the more you find it has some good points. You two did spend a lot of time together, more than he did with any of his other friends. But that’s all you are. Friends. Friends, and completely platonic roommates.

You weren’t sure why that made your heart sink so much.

So you copied the link to the article and sent it to him, typing a quick ‘lol’ afterwards. At the very least, he might get a laugh out of it.

----

You finish eating in record time, scarfing down a portion and a half of curry. It was lonely, sitting in Hawks’ office by yourself. You wondered if he ever felt like that when he was up here on his own. He was too busy for most things, too fast for his own good. Did that include friendships? He made time for you when he could, but you understood the busy and demanding life of a hero...other people might not.

You...understood.

The dull ache that you’ve felt in your chest for the past year returns, suddenly. The sadness and grief, the emptiness and all-encompassing tiredness, the big overhanging question of ‘what’s even the point?’. The point of being a hero, the point of suffering for the people who love you and hate you and who don’t even know you.

“Shit,” you sigh, your head and shoulders hanging low, wing dragging against the floor.

Hawks had brightened your life up so much these last few months. He’d brought the smile back to your face, the joy back to flying. You missed him when he was gone, worried for him when he was off on missions, fuck, you even cooked him lunch of your day off just so you could spend time together.

You were head over heels for him, and so totally screwed.

----

Hawks doesn’t return home until late that night. Far past your usual bedtime, but you’re far too distressed to sleep. If you hadn’t had your earlier revelation, you’d have chalked it up to ‘being worried’. But now?

Now that you knew you had feelings for him, all your thoughts were clouded. You were concerned because you liked him. You hung out with him because you liked him. Everything was because you liked him!

It was fucking with you a bit.

“What are you still doing up?” his voice sounds from the front entryway, startling you bad enough that you almost fall off the couch.

Your wide eyes snap to him, immediately taking him in. He’s worse for wear, that’s for sure. His uniform is singed in places, and you’re pretty sure the scuff on his neck is a burn. Most notably are his wings. Or lack thereof. 

Featherless red nubs is a more accurate description.

“You look like shit,” you say, keeping the air about you casual.

He makes his way over to you and finds a seat on the couch adjacent, wincing as he sits a little too quickly.

“Thanks, chickadee. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

Your face heats up. “I-I just mean! Long day?”

He groans, letting his head fall back against the cushions. You’re vaguely aware that he’s started talking, but the only thing you can pay attention to is the narrow column of his exposed throat, and how badly you wanted to lean over and press your lips against it.

You snap out of your daze when he nudges you with his foot.

“I feel like I’m talking to a wall,” you quips, devoid of any malice.

“Sorry,” you mumble, “what were you saying?”

“I was saying that we should hang out now that I’ve got a few days off. Kick our feet up, instead of culminating in a stuffy office.”

You shake your head. “As much as I’d love to, I still have work. Remember? I was already off today, I can’t miss more days.”

He whines, looking at you with sad puppy eyes. “It’ll be boring here by myself. You make the day more fun.”

“Hawks, I can’t-”

“Keigo.”

You perk up. “Huh?”

He rearranges himself on the couch so he can look at you more comfortably. “My name is Takami Keigo. Call me Keigo when it’s just us, okay?”

You consider it. “Why not Takami? That’s polite here, right? To use the surname?”

He nods. “Unless you’re close with the person. Family, good friends, the like.”

Your wings puff up, fully betraying the fact that you’re pleased he considers you a ‘good friend’. It doesn’t go unnoticed, and a teasing grin spreads across Haw-Keigo’s face.

“See? You waaaaant to. Say it with me: Kei-”

“Keigo.”

You don’t miss the way his cheeks tinge pink.

“You got it. And now, since we’re on a first name basis, I’m asking you to take a few days off to hang out with me.”

You’re exasperated.

“C’mon chickadee.”

“No.”

“Pleeeeease?”

“No!”

“Y/N…”

“No, Keigo.”

“Alright then. Now, as your boss, I’m officially giving you three days off.”

“You can’t just do that!”

“I can!”

“Hawks!”

“Keigo.”

“Sorry. Keigo!”

His expression is cheeky as you go back and forth for a while, and he’s unrelenting even as you gently beat him with a couch pillow.

It eventually morphs into a small war, the two of you chasing each other around the apartment, wielding whatever cushions you can get your hands on. You eventually end up tripping over the coffee table, shouting as you smack your foot and fall into an ungraceful heap on your back. Keigo wastes no time pouncing on you and pinning your arms beside your head.

Your wings are splayed out on either side of you, and he’s careful not to kneel on them. Even with your foot throbbing the way it is, he knows you could easily get away if you tried. But you don’t struggle. Instead you lay there quietly, out of breath, eyes locked on his. He can feel the warmth creeping up his neck, and you can see the redness returning to his cheeks.

“I...saw the article you sent to me today,” he begins, voice low. “I’m sorry they brought you into it.”

“I don’t mind,” you admit, “I just worry it might be detrimental to you. Some of your fans will be pissed.”

“Seriously?” He sits up on your chest, releasing your wrists. “You’re not online much, are you. Most of my fans ship us.”

“The hell does that mean?”

He laughs, soft of melodious. “It means that they like the idea of us. As a couple.”

“And it doesn’t bother you?” you wonder.

“No? Why would it?”

You avert your gaze from him, your insecurities and doubts creeping in under the scrutiny of his golden eyes. “I...guess you could just...do better, is all.”

“Chickadee...Y/N, look at me.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. You feel very exposed laid out on the carpet, and you wish you’d never said anything.

A warm hand cups your cheek. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me see those pretty eyes.”

You’re so flustered you don’t know what to do with yourself. Your heart is beating rapidly against your ribcage, and you’re positive he can see your embarrassment when you finally do as he asks.

But he only smiles gently at you, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours.

“Listen to me, and listen well. You’re the best I can do. You bring out everything good in me, and make me forget the bad. You make me happy.”

“Keigo-”

He shushes you by bringing your lips together.