#i drew curtains closed drank my poison all alone

[itspileofgoodthings]

Taylor wrote the Great War for me personally

[paramcur]

@jellypoem: (the bane of my existence): our muses never got along and yet, they harbor feelings for one another after a heated argument. (tedsami pride & prejudice vibes… what do we think)

teddy is beginning to grow tired of trading thinly veiled barbs back and forth at the ton, all because he'd apparently gravely insulted asami. he feels genuine remorse, but he feels the near public humiliation has dragged on quite long enough. they'd just had another slightly heated exchange that made everyone around them uncomfortable, and he was trying to cool down to collect his thoughts. clenching his jaw, he stalks forward and accosts asami at the dessert table. "i need a word." he raises a brow, tipping his head in the direction of the hallway away from prying eyes before turning around, expecting her to follow suit. once they're alone, teddy clears his throat with a sheepish look on his face. "i apologize for saying that you clean up well for a woman in your, ah, predicament. as well as for saying that although you were pretty, you were not pretty enough to tempt me. that was not for your ears and it was meant to be a compliment. it did not come out that way, i realize," teddy says, gaze downcast before his gaze lifts to meet her eyes, sincere remorse in his expression. it was always uncomfortable eating a slice of humble pie. but she was not the only one wronged here. "but don't you think you've gone above and beyond in your attempts to humilate me? at what point will you forgive me? if there is something i can do to redeem myself in your eyes, let it be known." he understands that asami has a terrible impression of him, but if she gave him a chance, perhaps she could see his true character. "i cannot keep arguing with you like this. you're driving me mad," teddy confesses, rubbing the side of his temple like he could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on.

[cowboylikesubai]

just had the most sickening realisation that deku and bakugo did not, in fact, survive the great war.

[nuttmeg13]

afterglow 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼 the great war

[cryptic-gays]

the great war (taylor swift. 2022) is so goncharov (martin scorsese, 1973) coded.

“it turned into something bigger / somewhere in the haze / got a sense i’d been betrayed / your finger on my hairpin trigger / soldier down / on that icy ground / looked up at me with honor and truth / broken and blue / so i called off the troops / that was the night i nearly lost you / I really thought i’d lost you”

[crunchycrystals]

gonna write various lyrics stuck in my head currently

[oceatide]

great war is a kaito song and you CANNOT change my mind

[sprinkler-ashes]

the great war // aaron hotchner x reader

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

words: 5.5k

description: in which aaron hotchner thinks you’re hot-headed. inspired by the great war by taylor swift.

warnings: angst w/ a happy ending, one (1) steamy car makeout, cursing, typical cm violence depictions

a/n: long time no see, and i’m sorry about that. to make a long story short, summer was very awful on me; i had a breakup and am now back in school + drowning in work. I love this fic so much; it’s probably my favorite i’ve ever written and i hope you love it too <3 also!!! if you have a request for a fic to a song, please send it my way! taylor swift is my go-to, but i am open to any song request <3

you drew up some good faith treaties

i drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

you said i have to trust more freely

but diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

You should have known better than to date someone you worked with. No, actually, you should have known better than to date, of all people, your boss.

Date was a loose term.

You weren’t really sure when the lines between co-workers blurred into friendship and when friendship blossomed into early morning coffee dates and late evenings in the office together doing paperwork, and even later nights spent at dinner tables being hours deep into conversation. You knew it hadn’t happened out of nowhere. This thing between the two of you had been building up for years – years of pining.

There was a voice in the back of your head telling you that it was all too good to be true, but you pushed it back as far as you could. Besides, the two of you hadn’t even called it dating, but it sure did feel like it.

But it hadn’t felt like that in a really long time.

Aaron had put a stop to whatever was going on four months ago. He had given you some bullshit excuse that he was your boss, it was wrong of him to be doing whatever the two of you were doing with his subordinate — blah, blah – but you had stopped listening when your heart became so heavy you thought it was going to physically weigh you down.

You had been through breakups before, even some serious ones, but nothing had ever felt like this. 

You tried to stop him, but he was also a man who had made his mind up; it was impossible to get through to him that you didn’t want to end it.

So you went back to work acting like nothing had happened. And it was about to be the death of you.

However, you were a professional. It’s not like the team even knew about you and Aaron. You acted the same as always when you were at work. No one suspected anything because no one knew what you were going through.

You didn’t talk to Aaron unless you had to. Truthfully, you hadn’t spoken to him for anything that wasn’t work-related since he basically dumped you on a random Wednesday evening for reasons you couldn’t fathom, but that didn’t mean you didn’t try.

In the beginning, you tried reaching out. You called, you texted him a couple of times, and you had even been so desperate one night that you sent him an email. Each time, you were met with rejection, and him saying something along the lines that both of you should just forget about everything.

So you did by cutting all contact. You thought to yourself, I’ll show him, but it really did nothing. If it bothered him, he never showed it.

It seemed like nothing bothered him until now. A whole whopping four months later.

“Not only did you blow our cover, but you walked into a hostage situation with no weapon to defend yourself; you didn’t even strap a vest on. You are lucky that no one died or was seriously injured.” Aaron wasn’t yelling – he was actually just slightly an octave below yelling – but it sure as hell sounded like he was screaming because his voice had never been like this towards you.

You frowned, not liking the way he was calling you out in front of everyone – in front of a group of people that you greatly admired and respected. “What else was I supposed to do, Hotch? If I hadn’t gone in there, that woman would have died. I was trying to save her life.”

“Save her life?” he asked incredulously. “From the moment you burst through those doors, you put her in even more danger than she was already in. Not only could she have died, but you also could have.”

“Why are you giving me so much shit over this?” you asked, throwing your hands up in anger, not paying attention to the awkward glances your team was giving each other. “I’m not the only one who's done this, and I won’t be the last. I don’t care to risk my life trying to save someone else. I’m sorry that I blew everyone’s cover, but I won’t apologize for saving her.”

Aaron shook his head, his demeanor that was normally unreadable was completely gone. “You’re on probation, effectively immediately-”

“What? I, Hotch-”

“You will not physically assist in any cases for the next two weeks. You will still travel to cases, but you will work directly from the police department. You will not be allowed to go in the field.”

He kept talking, his mouth moving a mile a minute listing off all the things you were allowed to do and what you couldn’t do, but you couldn’t focus on anything he was saying. You were so tempted to slap your boss across the face and if it wouldn’t have technically been workplace harassment, you probably would have.

“Hotch, we’ve all made mistakes,” Derek Morgan said. “No one ended up hurt tonight. With all due respect, I think a two week probation is a little harsh.”

You wanted to thank Derek for sticking up for you, but you couldn’t form words at that moment. Your feet were on the move faster than you could even think as they took you to the SUV that you’d arrived in, not wanting to hear Aaron talk to Derek about you. All you wanted to do was get on the jet, leave the small Arkansas town you were in, get back to Quantico, and try to stop thinking about Aaron Hotchner.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t as easy as you liked to think.

You rode back to the hotel with Emily and JJ, who had let you sit in the front seat, and didn’t dare look either of them in the eye. Emily tried to make small talk to lighten the mood, but you could barely even think about anything other than your probation and the way that Aaron had talked to you in front of everyone. She eventually took the hint, and the three of you rode back to the hotel in silence.

You finally turned to Emily once the SUV came to a stop. “Do you know if we’re leaving tonight or in the morning?” Normally, if you finished a case late, you always preferred to spend the night in the hotel in order to get some rest, but there was nothing you wanted more than to just go home now.

“Uh, tonight,” Emily said with a grimace. “Sorry, I know you usually hate leaving immediately after.”

You shook your head. “Not this time. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go home more than I do right now.”

Emily eyed you up and down, taking in your slumped, exhausted body. Her eyes flickered up to the mirror, catching JJ’s eye who was giving an equally worried look. “Do you want to talk-”

“Not right now, Emily,” you interrupted. “I’m going to pack my stuff up. Can you send me a text when it’s time to go?”

Emily looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn’t, sensing you obviously didn’t want to talk about it right now. “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled. “See you guys soon.” With that, you were out of the SUV before either of them could unbuckle their seatbelts and on your way to the entrance of the hotel you were staying in along with the rest of the team.

Typically, you shared a room with someone, but luckily for you, it was your turn to get your own this time, which you couldn’t have been more thankful for when you swiped your keycard and finally got to be alone for a minute.

You knew that Emily meant well. She had been one of your closest friends since you had joined the team. You felt a tinge of guilt at how closed off you had been to her in the car when she was just trying to make sure you were okay. However, you really weren’t okay, and you really didn’t want Emily to know the full extent of what was going on.

After hastily packing your things and grabbing a quick shower, you received a text from Emily that it was time to go. On your way down to the lobby to meet her, it was finally setting in that you were, quite literally, exhausted. You’d been awake since before daylight and a quick glance at the time shining on your phone reminded you that you had been awake for nearly seventeen hours.

You rode with Emily, JJ, and Rossi to board the jet, but ended up napping the entire short duration of the drive. Truthfully, you hadn’t even realized you’d fallen asleep until Rossi had nudged you awake.

When you were finally in the air, you allowed yourself to catch a glance at your infuriating boss who was still, as usual, in his suit with his tie and jacket discarded, writing in a file.

Probably writing me up, you bitterly thought to yourself. You knew you had done a not-very-smart thing, but by the time you figured out that the original plan the team came up with wasn’t going to work, it was too late. If you hadn’t darted through the door and startled the unsub, the poor woman who was taken hostage was going to meet a very similar fate that four other women faced.

You could admit that it was a rash, last minute decision, but you didn’t regret it. You saved a woman’s life and helped capture an awful man who would have never stopped if not caught. It felt like Aaron was punishing you for something that wasn’t the decision you made tonight. Two weeks on probation felt a little extreme to you.

Twenty minutes into the flight, Derek, Rossi, and JJ were already asleep while Emily looked like she was close to following. Spencer was nursing what you thought was his second coffee in the short time on the jet, a pair of headphones in as he watched something on the tablet he had propped up.

That left only you and Aaron sitting in silence.

This had been a particularly hard case that had to be solved in under seventy-two hours in order to prevent any more victims since you, with the help of Spencer, figured out that the unsub operated on stalking and kidnapping his victims on a specific schedule. Hardly anyone had gotten much sleep in an attempt to solve the case as soon as possible – hence why nearly everyone was asleep.

Aaron finally spoke after nearly fifty minutes into the flight from his seat in front of you after Emily and Spencer had finally drifted off, though you weren’t sure how Spencer was even sleeping considering he had downed two coffees. “You should get some rest.”

“Don’t worry about me,” you said bitterly, keeping your eyes straight ahead. “I’ll be getting lots of rest in the next two weeks considering I can’t really do anything else on probation, so thanks, but I’m good.” The words were tumbling out before you could even comprehend what you’d said. In a normal situation, you’d be worried that speaking to your boss like that would result in its own consequences but considering you were already on probation, what was the harm?

He said nothing.

—

It was nine days into what felt like the most excruciatingly long probation known to man, and you still had five more days to go.

You had just gotten back from a case in Maine where you, unfortunately, barely got to do anything other than help out at the police station. In addition, you had to finish several online modules assigned to you by Strauss on safety in the field, which was, in your opinion, ridiculous considering you had been at the BAU for a good amount of time – long enough to know all about safety in the field.

“I think I’ve gone past the point of exhaustion,” Emily said as you came off the elevator as she stifled a yawn. “Is that a real thing?”

“Yes, my beautiful friend who I am so happy to see. That means you need to get home and rest.”

Penelope Garcia was there to greet you at the elevator, a warm smile lighting up her face as she gave Emily a hug then turned to you. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll be fine in five days when this stupid probation is over,” you told Penelope, watching her give you a sympathetic smile.

“I’m heading out, but you have my number if you need me,” she told you with a comforting pat to your arm. “Goodnight ladies.”

Penelope was on the elevator to leave as you and Emily, after waving off Penelope, filed off to your desks to pack up to go back to your apartments.

“Got a hot date tonight?” Emily asked jokingly.

You laughed and shook your head. “Haven’t had a hot date in a long time. What about you?”

It was true. The last date you had been on was four months ago with the man who also happened to be your boss and who also happened to be your number one enemy right now.

“Just with Sergio.”

You and Emily were already on your way out to leave for the night officially until you stopped in your tracks when you reached the elevator. “Ugh, I just realized I left my phone charger at my desk. You can go on without me.”

“You sure? I don’t mind waiting,” she said as she stepped into the elevator.

You nodded. “Go on; it’s late. Have a good night, Emily.”

A huff left your mouth as you turned back on your heel to walk back to your desk. Your hands grasped the charger laying under several files that you (probably) needed to look at, but tonight was not the night for that.

However, you realized it was definitely not your night at all when you tried to turn your car on, only to be met with a sound of spluttering.

“Not tonight,” you groaned, repeatedly trying to turn your key to start the engine, but the car never started, much to your luck. “Are you serious right now?”

Your car was by no means brand new, but it was a good car and not often did it give you problems. Except for tonight. Or in other words, the one night you desperately wanted to go home, take a shower, and go to bed.

You weren’t really sure of your options. You could probably call Emily. She couldn’t have gotten too far down the road. Maybe she could give you a ride since her apartment was on the way to your place. Another option was calling an Uber, but –

Your car door opening knocked you out of your train of thought. Your brain immediately went into fight-or-flight, and you chose fight as your hands instinctively reached for the pepper spray on your key ring.

“Hey! It’s just me.”

It was Aaron with his hands outstretched into a surrender position, his suit jacket hanging from the crease where his arm bent. “Why are you sitting in the parking lot in the dark with your car unlocked? Do you know how easy it would be for someone to-”

“Come up and kidnap me? Yeah, I learned all about it in my online safety training this past week as if I didn’t already know,” you sassed with an eye roll. “I think my battery is dead. I usually keep jumper cables in here, but I cleaned my car out last week and must have taken them out. I’m probably going to have to call an Uber.”

You didn’t know why you were telling him all of this. The small voice in the back of your head knew why, but you weren’t willingly to actively think about it. You had enough on your plate right now.

“I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Like hell you will,” you told him.

“You do know I’m your boss, and you technically can’t speak to me like that?”

“You won’t fire me. You'll just put me on probation.”

He paused, his eyes closing momentarily before opening them again and going back to his stoic demeanor as usual. “Let me drive you home, so I will know that you got home safely. Please.”

You wanted to say no, but it was late and getting a ride home from Aaron meant that you didn’t have to bother Emily or lose money on an Uber. The only thing you’d be losing, in your opinion, was what little dignity you had left when it came to Aaron.

It’s just a ride home, you told yourself in your head.

“Fine.” You had admitted defeat. “Give me a second.”

He turned his back to you and started to walk away from your car. When you knew for sure he couldn’t see you, you positioned the rearview mirror so you could see yourself in it. Before you could stop yourself, you attempted to fix your hair as nicely as possible and then took a moment to stop what you were doing. You scoffed at yourself and shook your head.

“What is wrong with me?” You asked yourself aloud. “He doesn’t care. Neither do you.”

However, after you grabbed your things, you did sneak one more look in the mirror before getting out of your car and locking it. You were glad when you took another look to see Aaron not looking in your direction. 

 You made your way over to Aaron’s signature parking spot, the same one he parked in every morning, and met him there, his hands typing something out on his phone until he noticed your presence.

Without missing a beat, he opened the passenger door for you. You wanted to tell your heart to stop when that familiar flutter came back like it used to all those months ago. You opened your mouth, but he stopped you before you could say anything.

“No need for a remark. I’m just opening the door for you.”

“I was going to say thanks.”

A ghost of a smile danced across his face as he shut the door. It was so quick if you weren’t paying attention then you wouldn’t have seen it.

Your eyes adjusted to the interior of Aaron’s car, déjà vu hitting you from the first time you were ever in his car. But you forced those thoughts back down with a grimace and a reminder of how that ended the first time.

With one hand gripping the wheel and the other holding onto the back of your seat as his torso turned, eyes watching behind as he backed out, you thought you were going to throw up. Not because you were sick, but because Aaron was so damn attractive in doing the simplest things like backing up a car.

“You can turn on the radio if you want,” Aaron told you. “Your cord is still in here.”

You bit your lip, eyes locking onto the green cord still plugged in. “I’ve been looking for that everywhere. I had to buy a new one for my car.”

Back when you were frequently with Aaron, and he was typically the designated driver when you went places, you often complained about the lack of music in his car. He only listened to whatever was on the radio. He had no CDs nor did he have an AUX cord, claiming something about never being in his personal car long enough to deal with music in it.

After that day, you put your AUX cord in his car the next time you were in it and controlled the music, often giving him a performance to your favorite songs in the car as he drove. Aaron never complained like a lot of guys would. Instead, he would watch you belt a heartbreak ballad with an amused smile.

But that was months ago. And things were much different now.

“I would’ve given it back to you, but it’s slipped my mind. Feel free to take it with you.”

The happy memories that the AUX cord brought back were pushed to the back of your head again at his words. He told you to take it because there was no point in it anymore. You two were done.

You didn’t plug the cord into your phone. You didn’t play a song. You sat in the terrible silence, wishing it wasn’t silent like before, but it was silent, and Aaron was acting like nothing was wrong. 

Another awkward moment passed as he kept driving, the route to where you lived engraved as he had driven there many times. Aaron didn’t have to ask you where you lived because he knew. He knew from all the late nights he dropped you back off. The thought of all the previous times you’d been on this exact same drive under different circumstances made your head hurt.

“Why did you put me on probation?” The words slipped out before you could stop them.

“You know why I put you on probation. You comprised the safety of yourself, the team, and-”

“I compromised the safety of myself, the team, and the victim, yes, I know, but you put me on a two week probation when I can name off countless times that others on the team have done worse and didn’t get put on a two-week probation,” you argued back. “I know I messed up, but at the end of the day, it feels like you’re punishing me for something.”

He nodded, his eyes staying trained on the road. “I am punishing you for something, and that something is compromising-”

“I swear if you say compromise one more time-”

“Compromising your safety and the safety of others.”

You didn't say anything. Your arms were crossed as you looked out the window and into the dark as objects moved past you, reaching closer to your destination.

Aaron spoke your name, but you didn’t want to look at him.

“What?”

“Look at me,” he said as the car came to a stop at a redlight.

You reluctantly looked over, not prepared to see him already looking at you. You swallowed, trying to keep your gaze on him.

“I’d rather you be angry with me than even thinking about the possibility of you getting hurt.”

You couldn’t speak even if you wanted to because he kept going.

“When I saw you run into that warehouse, it was one of the only times in my life that I have been so scared that I couldn’t think straight. I put you on probation because you did something reckless. All of us outside thought we lost you when we heard the gunshots. I know you and a few others thought probation was too harsh, but it’s important for you to know that if you’re going to storm a hostage situation, you have to communicate with us. The team cannot lose you,” Aaron told you, his eyes never leaving yours. “I can’t lose you. Understood?”

You were pretty sure that at this point your voice was gone. You simply nodded.

The light turned green, and Aaron started driving again, his eyes finally breaking contact. “Finish out your probation next week and then put it behind you.”

There were no more words spoken. It was silent. You didn’t know how to respond to anything he had just said to you.

Except you did have one question. You weren’t even sure if you wanted the answer to it.

“If you can’t lose me,” you started, fiddling with the sleeve of your top, “then why did you end things?”

“It was for the best,” Aaron said, breaking your heart all over again. “I’m your boss-”

“You being my boss didn’t seem to be a problem when your mouth was on mine every time you dropped me off from dinner.”

He didn’t seem to have an answer for that. You sat smugly in your seat waiting for him to say something.

“You want the truth?”

“I’ve only been asking you for the truth for four months now,” you shot back.

“I fell in love with you.”

Aaron said it so casually that you had to do a double take, your mouth slightly opening. Out of all the things he could’ve said, you did not in a million years think that would be it. Your heart was pounding, and there was a moment where you thought that you had imagined him saying that he fell in love with you, but he really did say it.

He continued. “I thought it was best to end what was going on between us because things would’ve only escalated, and I didn’t want people to think negatively about you. You’re a strong woman in a male-dominated field. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. You should be taken seriously and unfortunately, going out with your boss doesn’t look good on paper. I hurt you, and I’m truly sorry for that.”

You hadn’t even realized it when Aaron had finally pulled up to the huge parking lot of your apartment building, which was surprisingly vacant for a Thursday night. The words he’d said were dancing around in your head. You hadn’t done anything wrong. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

Even after everything, all you really wanted was him.

“Aaron,” you said as you turned to him when he put the car in park, “I mean this with all due respect, but that’s not just your decision to make. I should get a say. I wish you had told me because for the last four months I’ve been going crazy with overthinking. That’s why it hurt so much when you put me on probation. I thought you were punishing me for something between us. Please don’t shut me out because I’m in love with you, and quite frankly, I don’t give a shit about what people say about me.”

“But people will talk about you-”

“So?”

“And there’s also Strauss-”

“Who we can deal with. I’m not afraid of Erin Strauss,” you cut him off again.

He raised his eyes before you spoke again. “Okay, maybe I’m slightly afraid of her, but that doesn’t change anything. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. If people want to talk about me for being in love, then let them. I just want to be with you, so please stop trying to protect me. I can handle anything.”

“Okay,” Aaron said after a minute. “Okay. If you want to do this, there is a lot to discuss work-wise.”

“That’s fine. I have a lot of time to discuss things. I’m on probation.” 

Every other time you had brought up your probation, it had been with anger, but this time, there was only a grin on your face. Even though you were still mad about that damn probation, which was another conversation for another time, you figured you might as well make a joke out of it.

Aaron couldn’t keep a straight face. “Yes, you are for five more days. You still have one more module on safety in the field to complete.”

“Screw you,” you said half-jokingly.

“You wish,” he shot right back.

“You’re damn right I do.”

It was as if there was a shift in the air. You’d spent four months without him and in that moment you had decided you never really wanted to go another second without him. There was still a lot to talk about between the two of you, but for now, all you really wanted to do was kiss him.

Even when the two of you were “seeing” each other, or whatever it was, there wasn’t much physical affection. Aaron always kissed you before dropping you off at night, but it was always short, sweet, and simple. Tonight, you didn’t want short, sweet, and simple as your goodbye kiss.

“You should be getting in. It’s late,” he told you, but neither of you made an effort to move. In fact, it felt like you had only gotten closer. You could feel Aaron’s breath fan your face.

You leaned even closer, your face only inches from his. “You gonna tell me goodnight?”

Aaron never replied, only moving to close the small gap between the two of you, his lips pressing against yours in a way that almost felt desperate.

You were the one to take it a step further as your mouth opened wider and one of your hands slid up to rest on his shoulder. Aaron gladly took the hint. His tongue was in your mouth and before you could process it, one hand had moved to cup your face while the other rested on your thigh.

He pulled back for a moment, but only to mess with something under his seat. You gave him a confused look, still breathing heavily. “What are you doing?”

Aaron’s seat had scooted back further to open more room between him and the steering wheel, and you realized what he was doing now. He simply shrugged. “The console is in the way.”

With that, you laughed and maneuvered yourself across the center console that Aaron seemed to hate at the moment. His hands instinctively grabbed your waist in an attempt to help you move over and onto him – literally.

You took in your current situation for a moment. You were straddling Aaron Hotchner in his car in a parking lot. If you had told yourself earlier in the morning that this is where you would be, you would not have believed it.

His lips were back on yours before you could think about anything else, hands still gripping your waist while yours moved to his hair. You were pressed against him, your chest to his, and left no room between the two of you.

“This okay?” He mumbled as his warm hands snaked underneath your shirt, now resting on your bare hips. He pressed a kiss to your jaw while you nodded, a deep breath leaving your mouth. He smiled against your jaw before reattaching his lips again, but this time to your neck.

You couldn’t think of the last time you felt like this. Your body felt like it was literally on fire, and Aaron’s mouth wasn’t doing anything to extinguish that fire – only making it worse.

As much as you loved the hot, open-mouthed kisses to your neck, you cupped his face, guiding him back up to your lips. Your hands slid to tangle in his hair, earning you a throaty sound from him, which only encouraged you further as you smiled against his lips before going back to kissing him.

Aaron pulled back only a few seconds later, both of you breathing heavily in a hot and flustered state. “As much as I’m enjoying this, we probably shouldn’t get too carried away in here.”

“What? Car sex isn’t on your bucket list?” You joked.

He laughed as you leaned into the hand cupping your face. “You deserve better than a car the first time.”

“So what I’m hearing is car sex after the first time?”

Aaron gave you one of his rare grins, and it lit up your entire world. “You are impossible.”

“I’m just kidding,” you said, giving him a peck on the cheek. “I really should be getting in the bed. My boss is making me come in at eight-thirty tomorrow for a meeting.”

“Oh really? He sounds very smart.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and with the help of Aaron, you moved back over to the passenger seat. “I will see you bright and early in the morning.”

“Looking forward to it.”

You gave him one last kiss before gathering your bag and opening the car door. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Goodnight,” he told you.

You shut the door and with a smile on your face, waved to him one last time before making your way towards the entrance of your apartment building.

However, before you could get very far, you heard Aaron’s voice calling your name. You turned around to see him with his window down.

“Did I forget something?” You called to him and watched confusedly as he shook his head.

“Your hair looked fine earlier. You didn’t have to fix it just for me.”

[httpswritings]

The Great War — Katie McCabe x Reader

Additional info: Story inspired Taylor Swift’s The Great War. I’m in my Katie era, but I’m also planning on writing about other players, especially Alexia, which I have like four ideas to write about. We’ll see. I also have a draft of Ruesha x Katie inspired in Moth to a flame by The Weeknd, but I’m doubting about posting it or not. Maybe in the future I’ll write a Caitlin x Katie fic, but I don't have a clear vision of them yet to properly write about them.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, throwing up and therapy, sensitive topics overall, avoid reading if you find them triggering. Angsty Katie.

Word count: 1691

Right after Katie ended her relationship with Caitlin Foord, she met Y/N. After some time, they got into a relationship together. They enjoyed every single second of the magical connection they seemed to have. With the passing of time, Katie became more and more anxious about her relationship with Y/N. She doubted she could be what Y/N deserved, even though her girlfriend took her time every day to remind Katie that she's never been as happy in a relationship as she was with her.

«My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked»

Two heartbreaks in such a little time, with both her Ireland National Team's member Ruesha and girlfriend of seven years, and her Arsenal's teammate Caitlin Foord, who was her girlfriend during half a year, made the Irishwoman insecure about her ability to love, to trust, to have a happy fairytale ending. Katie knew these thoughts would damage her relationship with Y/N, but she couldn't help but to spend most of her day tracking every single detail that built her relationship to the obsessive point where she felt absolutely sick of herself.

«Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground»

When she reached her limit, she told Y/N about what was going on. Y/N responded well and helped Katie, and it started well. Really well. But after some time, Katie fell back into a cycle of doubt and anxiety, and those sensations kept growing when she noticed any change in Y/N's mood, as she took it too personally. This made her re-experience in her mind those moments of stress while she was with Ruesha or Caitlin.

«And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur»

Y/N tried to understand her, she tried and tried but eventually, she reached her limit.

“I want to help you. I really do. But I can't continue like this. I'm not Ruesha, nor I am Caitlin. I am aware that being in a new relationship it's difficult for you, so maybe we should take things a bit slower. I don't mean to take a break, but maybe I should go back to my flat. We will move on slower than we did before, but I do think it's the only way to work it out.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Sweet dream was over»

“Yeah, maybe you're right´”, that was Katie's only response. Y/N limited herself to sigh. That night, Katie slept alone in her bed. Her body reacting to the cold sheets and crying herself to sleep.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War»

Sweet morning messages from Y/N, “Good morning, baby. Do good at training today! Love you ;)”

Surprise visits from Y/N, lovely gifts, usually handmade ones, brought Katie to tears as she felt endlessly loved.

«Always remember

Tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie prayed for things to get back as they were during the first months of the relationship. The feeling of her not being a good girlfriend to Y/N haunted her even in her sleep.

«You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone»

Y/N suggested going to a therapist together, but Katie was unsure about that. She thought that if she couldn't quite open to her girlfriend about her feelings and thoughts, she wouldn't be able to talk about what was bothering her to a therapist. Such a huge contrast between the two parts of the relationship that drew them even more apart.

«You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from the crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it»

“No, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. I feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about our issues.”

“I know, baby, I was just suggesting it. Let me explain you why. We are aware of having some problems in our relationship, but we don't really know how to get through it. We've tried and things keep getting worse. Maybe talking to someone who's out of our relationship can make this whole situation clearer for the both of us.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

The bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

The burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie took some weeks to meditate Y/N´s idea. She was terrified of being judged by the therapist they would talk to. Even more scared of Y/N realizing she didn't do any good to her. Eventually, she agreed.

“Maybe she's right. People attend therapy sessions. It's normal, Katie. It's normal”, she said to herself.

«It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed»

Katie was not new to getting help from a therapist. She was very open about her mental health in different areas of her life, whether that included football or not. The first time she attended a therapy session was when she was a teenager. It went well, so did the first sessions with Anna, Katie's and Y/N´s psychologist.

Making progress is not a linear process, and making mistakes is a part of the success. Mistakes are a victory in themselves, it means that you're still trying. One day, Katie had an individual session with Anna. Anna felt it was Katie's time to open about her two past relationships; a young adult romance that lasted for more than half a decade and a short but intense romance of one year after a breakup.

It was a slow conversation filled with many pauses from Katie.

“Are you gonna tell Y/N what I'm telling you?”

“No, Katie. This stays between me and you”, said Anna.

As Katie told her her experiences in love, she broke down.

The wall she had built, in order to avoid being hurt and judged, collapsed in that therapy room.

“Don't be afraid to cry. You have nothing to prove to me nor to Y/N. This is about you and your healing process. Y/N will help you and accompany you, but it's crucial for you to work on yourself, especially being a public figure.”

«Your finger on my hair pin triggers»

As Katie arrived home, she unlocked her phone and asked Y/N to come over.

“I've asked Anna, and she told me it was a good initiative and a great way of gaining some independence in our relationship, leaving her out of it for a while. Don't feel obliged to!”

“I am exhausted, baby. Work was something else today, and I’m a little bit irritated because of it, lol. Maybe another time? Love you.”

As Katie was about to spiral, she remembered Anna's advice. She breathed deeply. Y/N was setting her boundaries. She trusted Katie enough to tell her the truth and not to make any excuses. She felt tired from work. Y/N is not mad at her. She didn't do anything wrong. Everything’s okay.

«Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops»

The next day Katie woke up to a text from Y/N.

“Good morning, princess. I had a great sleep, what about you? How did you sleep? I’m up to seeing you today if you feel like it. Love you.”

Still slightly asleep, she smiled.

“I can't wait to see you today, beautiful girl. I had a good sleep, too. Good to have the bed all to myself ;))”

She frowned after sending the text with that joke at the end.

“Breath, Katie, let these useless thoughts pass. Both you and Y/N feel comfortable teasing each other”, said Katie to herself.

“Ha, ha, really funny. We both know you missed having me snoring next to you.”

“How do you know?!?!”

«That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you»

As Katie was preparing herself to go out with Y/N to have lunch, she remembered the night where Y/N left her house.

She doesn't freak out to the thought of it, but instead she does an exercise of introspection. She sees herself in her mind, almost throwing up, completely emotionally depending on her girlfriend while pushing her away and bottling up her feelings.

«We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

The worst was over»

Now she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees herself, Katie, as the woman who knows that she's loved, and she's deserving of being it. The woman who respects her girlfriend’s boundaries and doesn't freak out at the tiniest change that she perceives. The woman who's going to take her girlfriend out to have a good time having lunch, not worrying about anything but what order she's going to have.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

We're burned for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I vowed I would always be yours»

As they arrived home back from the restaurant, Y/N walked towards Katie.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. You did this. You are doing it every day. I’m so excited to see where our relationship leads us to.”

As Katie sobbed, she softly laughed, “It’s nice to cry sometimes. God, I feel so relieved. I’m so proud of myself, too, of us! Thank you for being there for me, Y/N, thank you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life as your girlfriend.”

“Even when you'll wake up to my snoring?”

“Especially when I'll wake up to your snoring.”

[paramcur]

❛ you're such a fucking tease, you know that? ❜ (tedsami 🤭)

in his defense, this started out as something fairly innocuous. he was watching a movie he hadn't cared enough to memorize the name of with asami, with her seated in his lap, and now he was half-hard against her back in his basketball shorts. the fabric is designed to be thin and breathable, so there's really not much about the shape of his cock it's not giving away. teddy didn't have a snowball's chance in hell at hiding it, he thinks. "you said, in no uncertain terms, that you would not watch the super mario movie with me again. and this .. indie shit you picked has a lot of love scenes! why is everything so erotic and tragic?!" teddy is rambling, hands unknotting from where they were looped around asami's torso. he's sure it would've gone down eventually, but the flurry of hits that is asami sitting on his dick, commenting on that fact, and the fact that there were a lot of adult scenes in this film has made it hard to think about anything else. teddy can't see her face from this position, so he gauges her interest by pressing several kisses to the nape of her neck and stroking a hand along her thigh. "don't comment on it if you don't wanna deal with it," he mutters with hooded eyes, sounding like he's pouting. there's so much blood rushing south he can barely think straight, getting incrementally harder against her the more they acknowledged it. if asami thought he was being a tease now, she hasn't seen anything yet. he can be so much worse, with the littlest of provocation. he licks his lips, considering. "you wouldn't even have to move. you could keep watching the movie and i'd fuck you just like that."

[forhappysake]

The Great War

A/N - If you guys know the song "The Great War" by Taylor Swift, you'll get where I'm coming from. Every time I hear it, I think of the prison spencer/cat storyline, so I just did a quick blurb. Enjoy!

Summary - Spencer's been in prison. Now he's finishing his stand off with the woman who put him there. His partner reflects and wonders what comes next.

Warnings - spoilers for season 12, BAU level violence

“And maybe it was ego swinging/ Maybe it was her/ Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur”

I couldn’t bring myself to be angry. Believe me, I wanted to be. As I stared through the one-way glass, I felt myself imploding. His hand reaching for hers, asking her to dance with him. I thought back over the last few months, everything we’d been through. Flashes of everything came back in a blur. 

“Uh-huh, tears on the letter/ I vowed not to cry anymore/ If we survived the Great War”

The bloodied cuts on Spencer’s hand when he’d returned from Mexico. The tears dotting the letters he sent from the confines of the prison. I told myself I’d never waste time on tears again if I could just get him out. 

“You drew up some good faith treaties/ I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone”

He did what he had to do to stay alive. I don’t want to think about the details. I spent days and nights pouring over files and evidence, trying to find any way to exonerate him. 

“And maybe it's the past that's talkin'/ Screamin' from the crypt/ Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did”

A voice in the back of my head created doubts. What if he wasn’t as innocent as he seemed? I’d force the voice away and put my head back down, burying myself in work until I collapsed in exhaustion. 

“Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed…/ That was the night I nearly lost you/ I really thought I lost you”

It wasn’t until this moment that I wondered if I’d been betrayed. She had her claws in him, certainly, but the way he was looking at her made some insecurity deep inside me. They swayed back and forth to some music only they could hear as the bile rose in my throat. The voice in my head suggested that I was losing him. Once again, I pushed the voice away. 

“We can plant a memory garden/ Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair”

Finally, he got what he wanted. He took a final look back leaving her with a single remark. He left her behind, securing his watch firmly back to his wrist as he entered the room. I found myself frozen in place. What were we to do now? 

“There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair/ And we will never go back”

He placed a soft hand on my shoulder, guiding me from the room and out the doors of the prison. None of this had been fair, but it was over. We never had to go back. No more letters covered in teardrops. No more nights spent apart. I could be his. We’d survived the great war. 

“I vowed I would always be yours/ 'Cause we survived the Great War.”

[adashofginger]

"I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone."

The Great War | Taylor Swift

Model: Will Hutcheson

[midnightstargazer]

Taylor Swift lyrics for the Marauders Era characters

James

The tricky thing is yesterday, we were just children, playing soldiers, just pretending, dreaming dreams with happy endings

It turned into something bigger, somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed

Lily

So you were never a saint, and I've loved in shades of wrong, we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts, but this love is brave and wild

The whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger, and it's so quiet in the world tonight

Sirius

I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad, and that must be why

I rewind the tape, but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost, sending signals to be double-crossed

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing, sometimes to run is the brave thing, sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing

Remus

You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding

You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart

I've been having a hard time adjusting, had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

Peter

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde, until I switched to the other side, it's no surprise I turned you in, 'cause us traitors never win

Narcissa

I want you to know, I'm a mirrorball, I could change everything about me to fit in

And I feel my castles crumbling down, and I watch all my bridges burn to the ground, and you don't want to know me, I will just let you down, you don't want to know me now

Andromeda

Holding my breath, slowly, I said, you don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

And I can still see it all in my mind, all of you, all of me, intertwined, I once believed love would be black and white, but it's golden

Bellatrix

They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good?

The rumors are terrible and cruel, but honey, most of them are true

Regulus

When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons, and now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

Snape

I don't trust nobody, and nobody trusts me

All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret

You're on your own, kid, you always have been

[ohdorothea]

This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info here! Lyrics for the songs and FAQ under the cut!

The Great War lyrics

My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls

Cursed you as I sleep talked

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down

Took the battle underground

And maybe it was egos swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember, uh-huh

Tears on the letter, I vowed

Not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War

You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed

Drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire

You were playing with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talking

Screaming from the crypt

Telling me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were closer

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember, uh-huh

The burning embers, I vowed

Not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War

Uh-huh, uh-huh

It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze

Got a sense I'd been betrayed

Your finger on my hairpin triggers

Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue

So I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I'd lost you

We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer

Place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory

It was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back to that

Bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the worst was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember, uh-huh

We're burned for better, I vowed

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh, uh-huh

I will always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

I vowed I will always be yours

🫶🫶🫶

Dear Reader lyrics

Dear reader, if it feels like a trap

You're already in one

Dear reader, get out your map

Pick somewhere and just run

Dear reader, burn all the files

Desert all your past lives

And if you don't recognize yourself

That means you did it right

Never take advice from someone who's falling apart

Never take advice from someone who's falling apart (You should find another)

Dear reader, bend when you can

Snap when you have to

Dear reader, you don't have to answer

Just 'cause they asked you

(You should find another)

Dear reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets

Dear reader, when you aim at the devil

Make sure you don't miss

Never take advice from someone who's falling apart

Never take advice from someone who's falling apart

So I wander through these nights

I prefer hiding in plain sight

My fourth drink in my hand

These desperate prayers of a cursed man

Spilling out to you for free

But darling, darling, please

You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking

If you knew where I was walking

To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there

Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care

No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

You should find another guiding light, guiding light

But I shine so bright

You should find another guiding light, guiding light

But I shine so bright

You should find another, you should find another (Guiding light)

Find another, you should find another

You should find another

🫶🫶🫶

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!!

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

[stylesispunk]

The great war | Part III |

"You drew up some good faith treaties I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone, you said I have to trust more freely but diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire"

Part 1 , Part 2, part 4,part 5 | masterlist

(gif credits to its owner)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

word count: 2,8k>

series summary: After things fell apart it seemed that Joel and you were falling into pieces.

series warning: angst, established relationship (complicated though) hints to cheating, age gap (Reader is in her late 20s, Joel is in his late 40s), mentions of stillborn baby, please don't read if you feel it triggers.

A/n: I remind you that English is not my first language so please forgive any mistake. No proofreaded, sorry

During the following days, Joel made a great effort on giving Rhia the space she needed. He respected her wishes and retrained from reaching out constantly. It was incredibly difficult for him to keep doing it. They were under the same roof but not talking at all. What’s more, Ellie was the bridge of communication between them both and she was checking on both daily. 

One night, Ellie found Joel sitting alone on the porch, staring at the moon. She approached him and sat beside him, offering companionship. “What’s on your mind, old man?” She asked. 

“I miss her,” he said, his voice carrying a hint of pain. “I never told her this but I dreamt about her and the baby since the moment I knew she was pregnant” he took a deep breath “I told her I didn’t want to be a father and I took her with me during months in the danger, all that meanwhile she was carrying a baby” Joel looked at Ellie “You look after her better than me” 

Ellie looked at him with a mix of sympathy.

“And when we finally arrived here, I thought a family could be possible, but you know what happened” his gaze still fixed on the moon. 

“You know what Joel?” She said “I believe in love, even in this shitty world and you and Rhia were kind of disgusting” She smiled warmly at the memories she had of them.  

Joel’s eyes flickered. There was hope in his heart. 

In the middle of the night, Joel couldn’t sleep, so he went to the living room to distract himself with something else to do. Suddenly, Rhia entered to the room, her eyes widen at the sight of Joel there. She walked past him without a word, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Joel was unable to contain the tension, and followed her into the kitchen

“How are you?” He asked

Rhia tensed at the closeness of Joel; her hands trembled as she placed the glass of water on the counter “I’m fine” she replied, her voice steady “Just couldn’t sleep”

Joel nodded, not knowing what else to say.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, pointing at her stomach.

Rhia instinctively, placed her hand over the scar, a mixture of emotions crossing her mind, the knife, the wound, her daughter who used to be there.

“It’s healing” she replied, shortly

“I’m sorry” Joel whispered, guilt gnawing at him

“For what? Leaving me alone, saying those hurtful things or for your friend” she said asked, voice lace with sarcasm.

Joel took a deep breath “Everything”

Rhia looked at him, her eyes filled with a mix of sadness and disappointment. “You should have told me” She whispered “Shit I know I was-am sad, and I will be for a long time, but you avoiding me…I know I did push you away too, but you should have talked to me, not her”

“I can’t change what I did” he said, his voice breaking “But we can work on us together?”

Rhia’s heart softened as she looked into Joel’s eyes, seeing the pain he also carried. 

Rhia reached out to touch his hand but before she could even do it, she stepped back and crossed her arms trying to steady herself “I know” Rhia took a deep breath “I want to believe you. I do believe you, but words are not enough”

Joel nodded at her.

“You know? I think it would be better for me if stay in another place...-

“No, Rhia…Ellie would kill me” he interrupted.

“Joel…I think is weird for us to be living in the same house when we’re not together” she said

“I’ll move out. I could stay at Tommy’s…Please just stay here, at least for Ellie” he pleaded. “You should go back to sleep”

Rhia nodded, offering him a small smile “I’ll try”

Rhia turned to leave the kitchen, and as she reached the doorway, she turned back to look back at Joel. She decided not to say anything and made her way back to her room instead, her mind filled with thoughts.

During the next days, Rhia spent time helping in the community and going back to her old activities, one of them being at the bar. She found herself lost in thought, processing her feelings, the pain he carried, and Joel. He had left the house three days ago; it was the first time they were apart since the day they met and it felt strange.  

Lucy had been watching her from the distance, feeling the anger of only looking at her. She made the choice of approach to her, frustration and anger evident in her eyes. She finally made up her mind and walked up to Rhia. 

As Lucy, approached Rhia, her footsteps were hesitant but determined. Rhia didn’t notice Lucy’s closeness until she was standing in front of her. Startled, Rhia looked up at Lucy.

“Lucy?” Rhia said surprised. “Do you need something?

Lucy took a deep breath, trying to control her own feelings 

“We need to talk” she said, voice laced with hatred. 

Rhia looked up, taken aback at Lucy’s tone. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“What’s wrong?! Rhia, you re infuriating! “Lucy exclaimed 

Rhia’s eyes widened in surprised at her tone

Lucy took a deep breath, trying to control her emotions, but her anger was stronger. 

“You know the only reason Joel and I are not together is because of you?” She lied. She still wanted her chance with Joel.

Rhia’s eyes narrowed at Lucy’s words, feeling a surge of anger and hurt. That was a lie, wasn’t it?

“That’s not true, Lucy,” she said, her voice completely steady

“Oh, but it is” she continued lying, “He told me. He actually felt pity for you and for what happened to you, baby” 

Rhia’s heart pounded in her chest, torn between disbelief and anger. She wasn’t believing that words. 

“You’re sick in the head” Rhia said, trying to steady her voice 

Lucy smirked “You two are not even living together anymore! You’re stealing my chance with him! You left him and now he doesn’t want to be around me because of you” her face contorted with anger.

Rhia’s emotions were a mix all over the place, she was tired of this bullshit.

“You’re delusional” Rhia shot back; voice laced with frustration

Lucy took a step closer “You think you’re perfect, don’t you? But I could give him the family you never will”

Rhia’s heart sank at Lucy’s words. Her anger was replaced by deep shame and sadness. 

“He didn’t even want that baby of yours, did he?” 

Rhia’s eyes blazed with indignation. Lucy’s cruel words were taking the best of her. Tears welled up in Rhia’s eyes at the mention of her tiny baby, but she refused to cry in front of her. 

“You know, Rhia? In a world like this, you need to be strong and you are not in a good place” Lucy said, voice laced with venom “You don’t deserve Joel” 

Those words cut deep; Rhia’s felt her heart break a little more. 

“And you’re the one saying this?” She took a step closer, Rhia had enough of Lucy “You, the one who has always been inside these walls?” her voice defensive “You have never seen the things I’ve seen, you’ve never done the things I had to do, so don’t come here to tell me I’m weak”

Lucy seemed taken aback by Rhia’s words, but she regained her composure.

“You’re trying to convince yourself you are better- “

“I had enough,” Rhia said, voice raising “The world is over and you are here trying to have a man who doesn’t want to be with you, so if you excuse me. I’ll keep doing what I was doing before you came here” Rhia turned on her heels to go.

“At least I wouldn’t get my baby killed” Lucy called out; she knew her words were cruel but she wanted to hurt the woman.

Rhia froze in her tracks, her heart pounding in her chest. Lucy’s words cut like a knife. 

Turning back to face Lucy, Rhia’s eyes were filled with fury “You have no right- “

Before she could continue, she noticed Lucy’s eyes widened. When Rhia turned back, she saw Joel standing behind her, anger in his eyes. 

Joel stepped forward; his jaw clenched tightly. His eyes bore into Lucy with disappointment “Enough” he said, firmly “I won’t stay here watching you say all this bullshit to Rhia”

Lucy’s bravery weakened in Joel’s presence, but she still tried to defend herself “I didn’t lie”

Joel shook his head “Using her” he chocked “Our pain to hurt her is cruel”

Rhia couldn’t hold back her frustration any longer and turned to leave, her emotions were overwhelming. 

“Rhia, wait” Joel called after her, reaching out to grab her hand gently. How good it felt to touch her again. 

Rhia stopped, her heart beating heart. Being this close to Joel after all these days felt overwhelming. Rhia felt a mix of relief and anger “Why would she do that”? 

“She acted out of desperation and jealousy” he explained trying to keep Rhia calm

Rhia took a deep breath, trying to process his words

Rhia’s emotions were in turmoil. 

“Why would she be so jealous and desperate?” Rhia asked, her voice tinged with frustration. 

Joel’s heart felt heavy. 

Rhia looked into Joel’s eyes; her own eyes filled with frustration. 

“Because you made her believe she was important to you”  

“You’re right,” he said, his voice gentle but filled with regret. 

Rhia hugged herself tightly, feeling a surge of protectiveness over their lost child and their relationship

“I don’t even care about her, I-what hurts the most is how you acted after Daisy”

Joel’s eyes widened with surprise. He hadn’t expected her to name their baby.

“I didn’t know you named her” Joel said softly “I wish you had told me”

Rhia looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry” she whispered. “She deserved a name”

Joel reached out to wipe away Rhia’s tears, he didn’t want to be the cause of her sadness anymore. 

“I needed you” Rhia said, her voice finally breaking “I cried myself to sleep alone and you were there with—”

Joel pulled Rhia close, embracing her tightly

“Get off of me, Joel” 

His heart sank at Rhia’s reaction. 

“You made a mess of me” her face filled with a mix of emotions.

“I was wrong, and I can’t change what I did but I want to make it right” Joel admitted 

Rhia let out a deep and frustrated sigh “It’s not that simple and I don’t know if I can forgive you right now. 

Joel reached out and took her hand gently “I will be here from now on” 

Rhia didn’t respond, but this time she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned on Joel

He smiled against her head “I’ll do whatever it takes to have our family back”

Rhia didn’t say anything. They stood there in silence for a moment, their feeling hanging heavy in the air. 

“I-I have to go” she said, pulling away 

Joel nodded “Okay”

Rhia took a deep breath trying to steady her emotions.

As she turned to leave, Joel softly grabbed her wrist pulling her into a hug, again. Rhia, surprised by this action, hugged him back. She only wanted her old time with Joel for a few seconds. He kissed her forehead gently, cherishing the closeness they had at that moment.

When they parted ways, Rhia gave him a small nod.

“Take care, Joel”

On the following day, the sun rose over the small town, casting a warm touch lingering on the skin, even in the coldness of the day, Joel found himself marching towards Tommy’s in the kitchen.

Stepping inside, Joel was greeted by Tommy, who appeared calm despite Joel’s dementor. It was evident he was angry at him.

“What the hell did you have in mind, Tommy?!”  Joel’s voice carried anger

“Good morning, Joel” Tommy reply, simply.

“Sending Rhia alone on a mission for supplies?” He asked dumfounded “Do I have to remind you last time she almost died?

Tommy sighed; he understood his brother concerns “Before you hit me or something, it was her who offered”

Joel, taken aback asked “She...offered? “ 

Tommy nodded “Yes, it’s only a search for resources” he explained, hoping this could help Joel to understand. 

“That doesn’t mean you should have agreed to it! I won’t let her and she is out of her mind if she thinks I’m letting her go”

Tommy nodded, acknowledging Joel’s protectiveness over Rhia

“Then go with her” he said 

“Of course, I will” Joel said resolutely, determined. 

Tommy nodded, smiling at his older brother's stubbornness.

“God. She is gonna punch me in the face” Tommy said

“She’ll understand” Joel admitted.

“No, she’ll get mad, at you the most” Tommy said.

As the pair made their way to the stables, Joel’s heart raced.

“You know what? Tommy stopped. “You should take this chance to fix thins with Rhia?”

Joel nodded, remaining silent.

As they stepped inside, Rhia turned toward them. Her eyes rolled when she saw Joel; she knew what he was doing.

“What he doing here?” She asked, directly at Tommy.

Tommy exchanged a look with Joel before addressing the elephant in the room.

“He is going with you” he said

Rhia’s expression softened slightly, but a frustration still lingering in her features.

“I can take care of myself” She replied, voice irritated.

“I know, but you both are a team” he said looking at them.

“I think Joel doesn’t know that” she said, sarcastically.

“Oh my god Rhia! Of course, I know” he retorted, frustration in his voice.

Rhia rolled her eyes “Really? Last time I checked, you were a team with other people” Her voice, lingering with jealousy

His jaw clenched, Joel took a deep breath “Look, if you don’t want me to go, you can go right now, but I’m still following you”

Rhia crossed her arms, her expression softening “Okay”

 “You know how I feel about your safety” Joel added

Rhia’s gaze locked with his “Thank you, but I can take care of myself too”

“I know” He replied “But after last time…I won’t risk losing you again”

Rhia smile, timidly

As they shared an intimate moment, Tommy interrupted, calling them over.

“Can you kiss already and go?” He spoke

Joel and Rhia blushed at Tommy’s interruption.

“Be safe out there” Tommy added.

“Hey, Tommy” Rhia called “While we were out there, take care of Ellie” she said.

Tommy nodded “Of course, I will keep her safe” he smiled “Now, go and take care. Ellie and I will be here waiting for you”

With a final nod, Joel and Rhia mounted their horses and set off to their mission and ventured out of the safety of Jackson.

Joel and Rhia rode side by side, their horses’ hooves echoing through the eerily silence of the desolate world, the tension between them both still filling the air. The world around them seemed to hold the same rust of silence growing between them. 

Joel stole a glance at Rhia, she was deep in thought.

“Rhia?” Joel spoke breaking the silence. 

Rhia looked at him expectantly. Joel reached out gently touching her arm.

“Thank you for allowing me to come here” he said

“You’re my partner” she said “Even when we are not together anymore”

Joel’s heart sunk at those last words and remained silent.

As they explored the reminiscing of the place looking for resources, night enveloped them. They found shelter in an old rusting house. Joel set up a small bonfire, providing them with warmth and light.

“It’s hard to believe this was once a home” she said softly, interrupting the silence. 

Joel reminded silence, his eyes locked on Rhia’s face, glistening in the firelight. He was lost on her. His heart swelled with love for the woman in front of him. After all that happened, he had forgotten how lucky he was to have her in this world. 

“Rhia” Joel began “You’re my rock, you know that?” Joel said softly.

Rhia looked at him, her eyes shimmering in the light. She smiled softly, but didn’t reply. Instead, she settled down beside Joel, shoulder touching. Them both staring into the flames of the campfire. 

“I mean it” He spoke

Joel turned his head to look at her, their eyes meeting in a moment of unspoken words and deep connection. 

Joel gently reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from Rhia’s face as they locked their eyes “I love you” he whispered. 

Rhia’s heart skipped a beat, and a soft smile appeared on her face. They leaned closer, their foreheads touching.

They leaned in, almost kissing. Joel could almost feel her lips on his

“Do you really think a kiss will solve all this?” She said barely touching his lips, voice laced with teasing. 

Rhia’s smile grew, and she pulled back. 

Joel let out a disappointed sigh. 

It seemed like things weren’t going to be that easy for him.

A/N: I don't know what I wrote, but I hope you liked it a little bit. Thank you so much for reading and please, comment, reblog or ask me anything,

All the best.

taglist:

@joeldjarin

[jakeperalta]

I think you're losing me, hits different and the great war make such a neat little trilogy. so many specific parallels (all I did was bleed // make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding // all that bloodshed, crimson clover) (now you're running down the hallway // is that your key in the door down the hallway?) (do I throw out everything we built or keep it? // I find the artefacts, cried over a hat, cursed the space that I needed // tore your banners down, took the battle underground) (now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time // I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone) as well as the overarching progression of fearing it's over -> realising you don't want to break up -> getting to the other side and believing that if you made it through that you can make it through anything