#3 am edition
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"I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone."
The Great War | Taylor Swift
Model: Will Hutcheson
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Would've, Could've, Should've
This song. The instant I heard it, even half-asleep at three in the morning, I knew that it was going to be one of my new favorites. I feel like we as a fan base collectively like to talk about the hard-hitting lines in this song (i.e. "never would've danced with the devil at 19," and the fan-favorite "give me back my girlhood//it was mine first"), but after thinking about it a lot I don't think those are the most devastating lyrics.
I think that, by far, the most heart-wrenching bit of the song is when Taylor says "I miss who I used to be." I think it's easy to overlook this line, as its typically nestled in between other lyrics and she sings it rather quickly. But I feel like this, more than anything, encapsulates the spirit of the song.
"Would've, could've, should've" is a common phrase (at least, in American English...not sure about other countries or languages), typically used to imply regret. It's also, however, a way of acknowledging that whatever has been done is officially in the past, and there's no changing that.
By singing "I miss who I used to be," she almost directly contradicts that. She's not at peace with what happened, and even now, over a decade later, she misses who she used to be. Remember, this is the Taylor that gave us fairytale metaphors and wanted to name her third album "Enchanted." But this relationship changed her, made her a bit more cynical and a lot less trusting. She misses the person she was before she "danced with the devil," and she will never be able to be that person again...I think that's probably the most heartbreaking part of this whole thing.
#long post#taylor swift#taylornation#midnights#would've could've should've#lyric analysis#speak now#swifties#3 am edition
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RWRB movie stuff pops up -> oh, maybe I should reread it! -> you know, another one I wanted to reread was the hunger games -> oh I can’t because my sister is borrowing it and she’s a slow reader and I don’t want to discourage her by rushing her -> my other sister still has the other book I borrowed her -> maybe she could read this other book I have if she likes the queer lit -> how to I talk her into it? It’s a lesbian love story in Oklahoma -> oh I should probably work on how to make a book cover though because that one really does look queer and I don’t want Bad Things to happen to her or it -> I wish people weren’t assholes -> people should be able to read what they want -> Ciel’s little “I’m a human being” speech after Book of Circus -> oh, I get it now -> Big Picture: compared to the time of the world and humanity, human lives are actually relatively short and therefore we should enjoy it the best we can and try to leave things better than we found them -> demons would probably find any venture tedious but fleeting -> we are also flawed people -> you should always try and figure out the truth of what you believe in especially since it could be a cult -> just read the damn queer love stories -> what if I just walked into school on Tuesday with this attitude? -> who cares?! I just said I was human? Or rather, Ciel said it -> didn’t you said you were going to bed? -> Why is it 3 am? ->
#me irl#train of thought#train gone#3 am edition#rwrb#hunger games#kuroshitsuji#black butler#book of circus#ciel phantomhive#mindset#the title was ‘queerly beloved’ by susie dumond#queer lit#lesbians#3 am ramblings#tag to keep#this is why I should have gotten melatonin last week#misha collins gif#please go tf to sleep#please go the fuck to sleep#book
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Mine is The Great War. I was just curious what other people thought!
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Help I binged another gay webcomic and the ram on my gay processor is overflowing what do I do I don't know how to do a factory reset without resetting my sexuality
#help#gay#webtoon#(´;ω;`)#boyfriends#computer jokes#i guess#tags#idk#stupid dumb idiot#dum fuck#stupid#its 2 AM#3 am edition
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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WARNING 18+
19
#ra speaks#it’s a silly joke/pun dw#we stay silly :3#edit:#woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/#10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water.#15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :]#20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then#25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today#30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3#40k. I just slept 9 hours straight for the first time in weeks :] remember to ask for help when you need it! no glory in senseless suffering
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Call this the Whoopsie AU (it's barely an AU)
I mean. Narinder never explicitly SAID the Lamb would stay dead... :3c He probably should have been more specific. >:3c
Part Two:
Well. The Lamb tried, but...sorry, Nari, the crown hates you now. Shouldn't have been so quick to lend it out, I guess. :D
Aaaand Part Three:
'Isn't he just adorable?' -The Lamb, probably, while their followers smile and nod and internally scream at the brand new hellcat they now have to share living space with...
Anyway, nothing says 'Dead To Me' like following a person around to loudly remind them of how dead they are to you. Right? Right. Narinder's got this all figured out. <:]
#fanart#comics#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl yellow cat#this is my headcanon and i'm sticking to it#the lamb is a goofy stabby-babby goober and narinder is just a grumpy asshole who constantly velcroes onto them for hella snuggles#look - if you've been trapped in the afterlife void for over a thousand years - you are GONNA want a fuckton of snuggles#that's just science#the scribble comic i did with narinder and the yellow cat can technically work as part four i guess#only instead of the lamb Going Gremlin at the attempt to steal their other followers' devotion#they just comin' at him for Rad Cuddles OuO#someday i will draw these two with the proper height difference i imagine them having#today is not that day#today is also not the day i pin down exactly how long i want narinder's tail to be#(but i want it to be Very Long - just because)#there are inconsistencies here and there and probably some mistakes but i have been working on these for a week and i am So Tired guys#EDIT: haha yeah i forgot to color in narinder's fukken ears again#fuk :)#EDIT 2: i fixed it but it's probably too late at this point lmao#EDIT 3: THE LAMB'S FUKKEN HORNS JFC#i am not editing this thing anymore cuz i need sleep and the mistakes are already out there *dies of artist mortification*
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If there's one shot that's stuck with me during the whole jayce and viktor sequence, it's this one short flashback from season 1. We see almost see Viktor through Jayce's eyes and he looks so? Soft? And the way Viktor looks at him with such tenderness and love in this eyes (his eyes literally soften when he looks at him). This shot just feels so intimate. I feel like I'm walking in on something that I shouldn't
#THE GAY YEARNING IS CRAZYYY. also?? am i wrong or is this new animation? i dont remember this shot. if so. thats even gayer#<- EDIT: okay apparently its not and its feom season 1 and i just forgot it#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#arcane#arcane season 2 act 3#arcane s2#txt#just to clarify i also think platonic readinhs of this scene are valid. i just personally interpret it as romantic
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@pscentral event 20: antagonists ↳ THE LORDS IN BLACK in NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE
#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#starkid#npmdedit#team starkid#the lords in black#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#npmd spoilers#userisiah#userfaiths#userbaz#usercats#userhallie#noooo fucking clue what to tag in this fandom lmao#musicaledit#? sure#anyway yeah i watched npmd and immediately had to make this i was up until 1 am last night#wouldve been earlier but i had to take a break for dnd lol#i was gonna do a tua set for the event but this is easier and better so like. slay#i just wish they had more screen time. pokey and tinky have less than 20 seconds each </3#oh and the titles and stuff are from the fan wiki. hope i didn't get anything wrong#i've been getting a lot of use out of this motion blur text transition its so funky fresh#*edits
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NEW MIDNIGHTS BODYSUIT
Dr Swift really is making the whole place ✨shimmer✨ tonight with all these new outfits
#taylor’s version#taylor swift#taylornation#taylurking#ts eras tour#midnights#3 am edition#bejeweled
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"Rain soaking, blind hoping."
High Infidelity | Taylor Swift
Model: Jay Gould
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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3 A.M.
My thoughts... wandering. I've had my fair share of suicidal thoughts. My fair share of nights feeling worthless. My fair share of nights going to bed with an anxious feeling. But I've also had my fair share of nights where things feel fine. Normal, straight to slumber with peace of mind and the known fact that we got another new day coming along. Another day. Just the next. And so on and so forth. Going with the flow, like the waves within the ocean. Or more-so like a lake. Calm waters. Soothing. Despite everything around me still being so fucked, the water is existent.
I guess basically I'm just alive and I exist at the same time as many great souls. Many who are successful, many who are finding themselves, many who just got it down, many who are at the bottom like myself but at the same time, the many who are just sticking with the thought of existing and letting these days guide us. Because we will have our time. We will have a goal complete and a new one to exceed.
I think the craziest thing is I have so many friends all over that spectrum. Rich. Hardworking. Broke. Lost. Living. Loving. Traveling. Finding. Praying. Learning. Full on existing. And yet, I still feel I'm nowhere near it yet I am all at the same time. Mindset a little over-the-top. But not as gone like when I was younger.
So realistically, I'm not where I should be yet I'm where I need to be. All these years have proven to me that I too deserve to be here along with many others and we are out here, still getting by. Still existing all at once, for a better tomorrow and to have that betterment continue onward when we reach it while setting new goals after we succeed. It may not be overnight but it wont last a whole lifetime either because we still have control of what is destined to make us happy. To create our joy. And that's what we're doing. That's what I'm attempting. And its quite something.
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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magic mountain
#meposting#hermitcraft#hermitblr#hc s10#hermitcraft season 10#magic mountain#nobody ask me to explain i cant really explain#geminitay#impulsesv#smallishbeans#skizzleman#goodtimeswithscar#mumbo jumbo#grian#edit 4 days later: I thought xanax was adhd medication when I made this at 3 am oops.#since it's actually anxiety meds#consider: swap grian and scar (scar is active suicide risk bc he would accidentally kill himself)
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