#i draw queer things… I draw characters kissing on the mouth

[korkietism]

My art mainly consists of whiteboard doodles rn but if you’re interested I’ll draw for you ♥️

[respectthepetty]

Following your last post. Are you able to summarise or explain why you love Taiwan BL so much?

I ask because I too love Taiwanese BLs but……I can’t pin point why. Is it because the first ones I watched was top tier?! (Loooking at you fighting Mr2nd and History4) or is there a different frame work that draws us in?

I don’t know and can’t seem to explain it so I has rushed here after your post and express my need for you to someone explain or put into words, WHY WE LOVE TAIWANESE GAYS?!?

Anon, I've listed a few times why I love Taiwanese BLs (like here and here), but I love them soooooo much, I will gladly do it again!

Strangely enough, I have an ask sitting patiently in my inbox requesting I rank the HIStory franchise, but since I love Taiwanese BLs, it's hard for me to pick between my favorites, which I had to do for Taiwanese BLs in general when I was asked to rank my top five. However, HIStory 4: Close to You rules above ALL BLs regardless of country. I love it! It is the best. I will fight people and their pets for it.

But you know I cannot keep things short, so . . .

10 Reasons I Love Taiwanese BLs

*presented in no particular order*

The shows are visually pleasing.

The cinematography especially the color editing and the lighting are good quality. As a color demon, I've noticed the emphasis on colors even in Taiwanese non-BL series I've watched. I'm superficial. They're pretty!

The men are visually pleasing.

Beyond the production aesthetics, the actors themselves are easy on the eyes. Every single main character is unexpectedly hiding a body-ody-ody under his clothes which he reveals in the most natural ways. The camera doesn't linger on the body. The bodies are just bodies. But they are oh-so-very pretty bodies.

The attraction is obvious.

Taiwanese BLs are high heat. The characters will flirt. They will stare longingly at each other. They will playfully touch each other. They will have sex. The characters want each other, physically, and we see that. And it won't be saved until the final episode. The attraction develops in a way that feels natural, and if there is hesitation regarding sex, once they figure out the mechanics, the characters embody the "practice makes perfect" motto.

The beds are used.

Domesticity is at the core of a Taiwanese BL. We see characters cooking in kitchens, often. We see them sleeping in beds without sex being involved. An entire scene can be focused around the characters doing household chores such as laundry, washing dishes, or mopping. The characters are building a home together as partners, and we constantly see that.

The families are caring.

For every shitty family member, there are three others who are determined to win a PFLAG award. We see characters' siblings, parents, and found family members being supportive of their relationship and fighting other family members who step out of line.

The secondary pairs deliver.

When the story isn't focusing on the main couple, I still care about the second (and sometimes third) pair. Their stories might not always be fully fleshed out, but they don't distract from the main couple nor make me want to skip over their parts. The secondary couples are also involved in the stories outside of their romance. They are connected to the overall story and help to push the narrative forward.

The couples are queer.

This seems like a given since we are dealing with BLs, but Taiwan has delivered very few high school and university BLs, and even when it does, they aren't presented as a coming-of-age story. Characters already know they are queer, or if they realize it, they don't panic. For example, in About Youth, both characters confessed they hadn't kissed anyone before, but it wasn't depicted as an "ah-I'm-gay" moment. Even in DNA Says Love You, the reveal wasn't cause for a crisis; it was a moment of relief. In my fave, HIStory 4, the main character realized he liked his friend, sat on that revelation, then licked his friend's mouth and told him he loved him. Very pro kissing-the-homies.

The couples are adults.

Because Taiwan hasn't produced many high school and university BLs, a majority of its shows are focused on adults, with jobs, and families, and baggage. As mentioned above, the main conflict is never a character understanding his queerness. It's usually him trying to balance his relationship with all the other issues life brings him like a work deadline, the mafia, or ghosts. You know, adult issues.

The couples are enemies-to-lovers, lite.

My favorite kind of couple dynamic is "I'll kill (for) him" and Taiwan knows how to deliver this. Even when couples move past the enemies stage, there are moments when they look at each other as if they could kill each other, and that warms my heart. The couples argue. They fight. They plot each other's murders. Then they eat dinner together and hold each other in bed. Love isn't all rainbows and sunshine in these BLs, and Taiwan shows that it's not just about who will fight with you, but who will fight for you that matters.

The country has marriage equality!

I'm going to get political - I don't even believe in the institution of marriage, but I'll throw hands for everyone's right to marriage equality. People deserve the right to get married, and Taiwan granted its people that right in 2019; then, this year, it made it legal for same-sex couples to jointly adopt a child. Taiwan has a tension-filled relationship with China due to disputes about Taiwan's independence, and we all know how China censors the homos. Therefore, I love Taiwanese BLs flexing its gay rights muscle all of the time. Other countries are fighting the good fight for their rights, but if it came down to my last little international dollar, I want to support the countries that support us and not those that are profiting off our community without investing in our community members' rights. So at the end of the day . . .

I love whatever Taiwan gives me.

So these are the reasons I know Kiseki: Dear to Me will be one of my favorites.

The show and the men are visually pleasing. It is giving us queer adult couples stacked on top of other queer adult couples then cameos of even more queer adult couples. We've gotten enemies-to-friendly roommates, where the attraction is obvious, so now we must wait for the lovers part even though they had already cooked, cleaned, and slept in the bed by the second episode. When we meet the families of these crazy little bastards, we are going to love them.

Oh, and there will be a proposal.

TAIWAN SUPREMACY!

[crosscalipso]

South Park Character Headcanons (Tweek + Craig)

Tell me if you want me to do more of these

Craig ★

• Transgender FTM (He/Him and It/Its Pronouns)

• Autistic

• Literally so gay, like, man has never liked a woman

• Peruvian + White, was darker as a kid but his skin got pale as a teen since he didn’t go outside much anymore

• Ayesha Erotica fan

• He’s chubby!!!

• In elementary school he’s the tallest boy, and second tallest kid overall behind Bebe, but once they hit high-school he’s mid-way between tall and short. Tweek is taller than him.

• Other than Guinea Pigs he really likes cats!

• Chronic pains in his back, hips and legs

• Wants to be an astronaut, ends up being a veterinarian

• Can’t draw to save his life, still draws silly pictures for Tweek

• Calls Tweek the dorkiest of pet-names like “Honey, Cupcake, Pookie” etc

• Love language is Physicalness and gift-giving

• Adopted

• Was four when he was adopted by Laura and Thomas

• Thomas gave him his hat when he first came home, and now he never takes it off

• Came out as trans at 7, started his social transition soon after

• Gets top surgery in his late 20’s

• Decides to not get bottom surgery

• had braces his entire childhood all the way till he was 20, his parents didn’t have the money to get them removed so he suffered, had to get them again at 25 but they still wouldn’t straighten.

• Crooked teeth for life

• tooth gap!!!

• Doesn’t smoke like the fanart shows, this kid would vape

• An utter dork, literally obsessed with Space his whole life

• Hyperfixations switch every 2-3 years

• Has a crooked nose, he broke it during the fight he had with Tweek when they were kids

• Can play the piano a little bit, he learned from Tweek

• Has a flat affect

• Picks up in Tweek’s vocalizations and makes them himself sometimes, not noticing where he got it from

• twitches his nose like a bunny

Tweek ★

• Gender-fluid (He/They/It pronouns)

• Identifies as Queer, has only ever had feelings for Craig

• White

• Autistic

• Pulls at his hair so much that he starts developing bald spots in middle school, Craig buys him a hat that looks like his own for him to wear when stressed

• Can’t button his shirt well due to shaky hands and disoriented vision, so Craig does it for him their entire lives

• Picks at his skin, eyelashes, eyebrows and finger nails, lots of scars and scratches

• Gets clean of his meth addiction at 19 after going to rehab as soon as highschool lets out

• Ends up owning a bakery

• Despite being clean he still lets out grunts and vocalizations at random times

• can play the piano exceptionally well

• Love language is words of affirmation and gift-giving

• Can speak English, Dutch, German and French

• Bakes things and does chores for Craig all the time, usually when he’s asleep and can’t protest

• Chubby!!! He gains weight after being clean and is very happy with his build

• Takes up boxing in middle school, helps get frustration out

• Feels terrible for breaking Craig’s nose, but finds the after affects cute nevertheless

• Wakes Craig up by peppering his face in kisses, Craig doesn’t oppose

• Uses “Dude, Man, bro” on Craig until they’re engaged, then he uses cuter nicknames like “Honey, Baby and Puppy”

• Had bad baby fever from 22 and onward, constantly wanting to have kids with Craig

• Has a collection of glued together Lego sets from his childhood, he keeps them down in the basement on a wooden table he built for them

• “Death metal soothes me to sleep!”

• one if his vocalizations is whistling and then making a *pop!* noise with his mouth

• Lost one of his incisors during his fight with Craig, got a fake one pretty quick, he wore the actual tooth on a necklace for a while

• They still have that tooth somewhere in their house

Silly Quotes I think they’d say

Craig : “The hat stays on during sex.”

———

Tweek : “Dude can I turn on some white noise, it helps me sleep.”

Craig : “Sure honey.”

Tweek : *Turns on Cannibal Corpse*

———

Craig, happily : “Honey I made you cupcakes!”

Tweek, chewing a cupcake that’s practically still batter : “They’re great honey.”

Craig, offering him another : “:]”

Tweek: *Bites into it and it’s rock hard.*

———

Tweek : “Craig you can’t keep eating candy all the time! It’ll rot your teeth.”

Craig : “So does coffee and meth.”

Tweek : “Touché, fucker.”

[walkingaftermidnight07]

Chain of Thorns: all my main thoughts

yes hello, i wanna make a large post abt this bc i just need to list everything out since i have A LOT of thoughts

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING

SERIOUSLY

DONT READ FURTHER UNLESS YOUVE READ THE BOOK

Things I Liked:

basically every moment where we got to see Will. I was laughing at so many things that Will said and I missed having that, since I will never get enough of Will's humor.

Seeing Jesse interact with the Merry Thieves. It made me so happy and I love seeing Jesse's dry humor mixed in with the Merry Thieves; he fits in with them so well.

Just human Jesse in general. Everything about him made me so happy. He was so kind and brave and quite funny.

Getting to see more of Anna/Ari. During the first book we got almost nothing of them, partially because of Ari being poisoned but also because Anna was kind of not in the main circle yet.

Christopher visiting Grace and them getting to know each other. It made me so happy that there was someone who could see past what Grace had done and could give her a second chance, and their bond over science was so sweet.

Thomastair. That's it. No explanation needed.

Ghostwriter I thought was pretty well done, but the whole "them kissing would cause Lucie to see demon stuff" was kind of unnecessary.

Jem being there for Grace and talking to her to help her through

The Watchers were a really cool plot twist I wasn't expecting

honestly the james turning on the lamp on pg 127 caused a lot of pterodactyl screeching which was fun

the Herondaisy scene in chapter 23 hehe

Effie every time she opens her mouth

Also Bridget who is my queen. she is my love, my life, my star.

Eugenia Lightwood just existing was fabulous.

Esme being the most random plot thread ever which caused a lot of unexpected laughter

"Alastair why are you so stupid I brush my teeth dont tell anyone" LMAO

Alastair with the baby

Again, Thomastair.

Matthew's eventual acceptance of Alastair into the group

Cordelia outsmarting Lilith with her deal

Belial having a weird obsession with being crowned prince of London or whatever

Also Belial's weird bird demon friend made me CACKLE

Bridgestock blackmailing Charles. if i'm honest, i think it was a great part of the plot bc it did kind of give Charles a slight redemption (but also him being kind of outted is also really bad) but i think it was great in kind of allowing Flora be able to accept Ari without fear of Maurice

Lucie and Cordelia talking abt Cordelia's boobs lmaooo/The Wicked Queen Cordelia

Grace's entire arc through this book

the different meanings behind "cordelia ran"

Things that made me sobbbb:

Will becoming a sort of father figure to Jesse

The Merry Thieves helping Matthew with his drinking

Cordelia and James when they finally confessed for real

Matthew's entire arc with his drinking and telling the truth

Christopher's death

"you are my unfinished business" IM SOBBING STILL

Christopher's death

The scene where they see that Kit's dead

Kit being dead

Intermission: Grief

the fact that kit was in fact dead and not going to come back at the end (i was in denial for the entire second half)

Matthew and James while in Edom

Thomas coming out to his family

Alastair telling Cordelia that he's always afraid for her with her being the wielder of Cortana

Again. Kit's death. (i cried a lot ok its been an emotional couple of days)

Things I didn't like:

The whole love triangle. I still don't think that Matthew truly loved Cordelia and i never believed it would be an actual love triangle

the fact that the truth about the bracelet had to be kept secret for so long. it felt kind of unnecessary. there were other ways to draw out the plot than that.

the fact that tatiana exists

Kit's death. I feel like it's so unfair that of all people, he's the one to die. it didn't feel well written, it felt like it had to happen bc she couldn't kill the queer characters and Kit was the only main character left that she COULD kill.

Grace's entire plot being kind of left without an ending.

The lack of mourning/a funeral for kit. (since we didnt get enough mourning, i think im going to write it bc i want to suffer for the purpose of completing the loose ends)

the pacing. the entire plot felt so oddly paced, and it wasn't as much of a mystery like choi or chog.

again, why christopher? i feel like matthew would've been a better choice, or perhaps sona.

magnus kind of getting written out so early

though i love our gay couples and their accepting families, it is a little bit unrealistic. i get that the point is that this particular batch of the families are very kind people in comparison to what their families become a little farther down the road(ie Robert, maryse, etc), but it still feels a little bit unrealistic.

i felt like the whole lucie and cordelia struggling with their friendship thing was a little bit too much to add into this already very full book. (although i loved the wicked cordelia reveal that was fun)

i feel like we didn't fully get the wrap up at the end that we needed. we didn't see enough of them after the battle, as they came to terms with their losses and their wins and how they would continue their lives.

also we never really got to see jesse meeting his cousins/aunts and uncles and i wish we'd gotten that.

Questions I still have:

bridget? whats going on with her? theres a throwaway line in the coda mentioning something is odd abt her, but thats it??

grace. what is going to happen to grace? i wish we could perhaps see her and figure out if she's alright.

im still confused abt the lightwood line. i guess they're trying to say that alexander is going to continue it? (that actually kind of makes sense, genetics wise tho, cuz alexander looks like cecily and alec and izzy are supposed to inherit that)

will we ever get a revised family tree?

blackthorn line???

Rupert's ghost?

fairchild line? am i correct to assume that its going to tie into charlotte's pregnancy reveal at the end?

I'm sure I have more thoughts but I can't remember them at this present moment and I didn't write them down but these are all the ones I wrote down.

lmk what y'all think abt this book

[dross-the-fish]

Can I please get a drabble of Anon (fem pronouns please) assisting Hyde with lab work and asking for a thank you kiss?

(For the purpose of these drabbles I'm going to treat Anon like a player character and approach the scenario like they're part of the group.)

Anon padded down the hall until she stopped just short of Edward Hyde's laboratory. Usually she wouldn't disturb him at such a late hour but something had been weighing heavily on her mind and Edward, brusque though he could be, often had good perspective to offer and his directness often afforded her a straightforward answer and a clean solution. As she plucked up the courage to knock on the laboratory door, she hoped he wouldn't be cross with her.

She waited, listening to the sound of objects being shuffled and the clink of glass against the desk he set down his work. Nothing had been hurled against the door and no sound of cursing or shattering issued forth. Anon took this as an encouraging sign and waited patiently, knowing that further knocking might push Hyde's mood from tolerance to irritation.

The door opened, revealing a more ragged than usual Edward. His hair was grimy, his eyes bloodshot and set in deep sockets with circles so dark that they looked bruised. Yet he did not seem angry with her, if anything it looked as though he were relieved for an excuse to stop working.

"And what brings the young lass to my door?" he rasped, lips lifting away from his jagged teeth in a half smile.

"I was hoping you could answer a question for me," she asked, "Don't spare me or give me false hope...is it true the anti-lycan formula will stop working soon? That Larry's building a resistance to it?"

Hyde studied her and nodded gravely, "I'm working on a new strain as we speak but in all honestly, it's bleak." he said, "I've had little progress and we're running out of time."

Anon's face fell, not the news she wanted to hear, but she appreciated his honesty.

"Will that be all then?" Hyde asked gruffly, discomfited by her obvious disappointment.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Anon asked.

Hyde studied her, his mouth drawing into a tight line and he scratched one of his mutton-chop sideburns thoughtfully, "I've the acquaintance of a mycologist in town, Alice Liddel, queer woman but very reliable, likely she'll have what I need. Go see her and you can pick up 10 grams of Inocybe aeruginascens. Can you remember that name or shall I need to write it down for you?’

“Write it down,” Anon replied flatly.

Hyde chuckled, and reached for a ream of paper from his desk, tearing off a scrap and jotting down the name and amount in his cramped, sharply slanted handwriting, “There you are, love. Agree to get me those mushrooms and I’ll throw in an extra 5 quid for you.”

She took the scrap from him and chewed her lip, hesitating for a moment before she made up her mind that she wanted something else in reward for her efforts.

“Might I have a kiss instead?” she asked, rather more boldly than she had intended.

Hyde’s shaggy head swiveled upon his short neck in surprise, “You want a kiss? From me?” he asked, bemused at the idea, “Why not. But I ain’t going to give it to you, you’ll need to come here and take it.” he took a long stride backwards into his lab and grinned at her expectantly.

Anon hesitated for only a moment, it was too late to take it back now, she reasoned and she followed after him. She bent over him and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Before she could withdraw Hyde had locked his arms around her and dipped her, so that he was bowed over her. His kiss was rough, more than a little sloppy and the coarse hair on his chin tickled her. To her surprise Anon did not find it an unpleasant experience. Once he had thoroughly kissed her he set her back on her feet, twirled her and gave a jolly laugh, “Nothing like a good kiss, eh? Go on then! Off to bed with you and get me those mushrooms first thing tomorrow.”

Anon barely had time to register him ushering her out of the lab and shutting his door before she was, once again, in the hallway. This time with a note in her hand and a task to complete in the morning.

[paperstorm]

I'm also someone who has only seen LS and not the OG, and I was so surprised to learn that one of the main characters is a black lesbian, because I didn't see nearly as much talk about it as I did Buddie. People are drawn to whichever characters for any number of reasons, and I completely get that, but it is interesting to me that there's so significantly less talk about Hen and Karen, who are canon queer characters of color, than there is talk about Buddie, which seems to be entirely fanon? I'm sure there are people who like/ship both, which is great! But this doesn't feel like a coincidence to me which is unfortunate.

People are definitely drawn to the characters they're drawn to for a whole list of reasons so we can't draw an direct line of causality between any of this and things like white supremacy and misogyny but there is, demonstrably, a tendency in fannish spaces to gravitate towards white men, even at the expense of overlooking canon queer characters when those characters are women or people of colour. There is something in the fact that the most popular and widespread ships of all time are almost all pairs of white men. There is something in the fact that when queer characters are canon, shows or movies with pairs of white men get acclaim and do numbers and ones with lesbians of colour are ignored or less popular or cancelled after one season. It's something to be aware of, I think, when we're asking for representation. Two hot straight-passing white dudes kissing on the mouth can't be the end-all-be-all of queer rep. We have to care about the whole spectrum of gender and race and sexuality.

[aro-ace-from-outer-space22]

I posted 3,148 times in 2022

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Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 3,073 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#funny - 764 posts

#important - 385 posts

#the untamed - 246 posts

#art - 240 posts

#lotr - 186 posts

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#star trek - 138 posts

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#drawing inspo - 118 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i just realized that ultron’s robot girlfriend’s name is jocasta; who he based off of janet van dyne’s brain patterns; and janet is his mom

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I feel like Tumblr’s relationship with celebrities would best be described as ‘chasing the popular, preppy mean girl kid around with a weird bug you found at recess’

16 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#4

Listen, I’m not saying that Lan Wangji is stupid, but he does in fact have two braincells, and both of them are heart shaped.

46 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#3

Good news clown husbandry tumblr! I have reason to believe that the Court Jester is not, in fact, extinct!

I was at my state fair when I encountered a show preformed by a male clown, I originally believed he was a comedian, but upon further inspection of his performance, which was mostly physical humor (including having members of the audience throw things at him), I began to suspect that he may actually have been a Jester/Circus Clown hybrid! (I suspect Circus Clown heritage due to the fact that he had a large unicycle. I did not get close enough to see his plumage clearly, although it appeared rather drab-part of what originally led me to my original judgment of comedian-I believe that he may have adopted a less flamboyant color palate in order to blend in with the radio cowboys).

In addition, I have long believed that many Court Jesters actually appear in Renaissance Faires solitarily or in small troupes. While many believe that the Court Jester died out due to habitat loss, Renaissance Faires seem to be a suitable reconstruction, even having ‘royal courts’ for them to perform for. When I previously have brought this up with my friends, they suggested that these could be Circus Clown/Porcelain Jester hybrids trained to act like Court Jesters. However, given this new evidence, I feel confident in stating that the widely accepted claim that Court Jesters are extinct seems to be false.

133 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

#2

Hey, PSA-Spoilers!

So, Netflix is releasing a new movie in four days (October 20, 2022). It is called ‘The School for Good and Evil’, and is based on a book series by Soman Chainani. It seems to be only covering the first book, though I imagine that there will be some kind of follow-up since literally everything this man has ever written is a New York Times bestseller. It’s a similar concept to Ever After High and Descendants, very well written, and I highly recommend that you watch it once it comes out.

the thing is

The thing is, there are two female leads. They are childhood best friends even though one of them is beloved by their village and the other hated, even though they are sorted into separate schools and taught to be enemies, even though there are so many people telling them to hate each other.

The thing is, at the end of the first book, one of the girls kisses the other one on the mouth. It is a kiss of True Love, something that already failed with her male love interest. It sends them home.

The thing is, this book, being that it is written by a queer author, has queer themes.

The thing is-and this is the spoilers-the girls are twins.

This is a plot twist from later on in the series. It’s something that’s wrapped up in a very complicated plot in the book it’s in. It is very unlikely that they could or would reveal this early. I feel like Netflix is likely to continue the movie series, and even if it isn’t, I feel like it would be fairly easy to get the books and read them yourselves for a….significant amount of people.

This book was written in 2013. By a gay man. I would like to participate in this fandom without the absolute shitshow that I know this will incite. Especially since the author is of Indian decent. Especially since one of the girls has been cast as black. Especially since this is so soon after the mess that was First Kill.

This was not queerbaiting, this was a gay author making a choice for his story. And maybe you could argue that he was forced, by his publishers, by societal expectations, but regardless; this man has been out-socially, if not publicly-since 2001. This was not an act of malice on his part, this was not a trick he played on you to deprive you of lesbian representation. Please, please be normal about this and leave him the fuck alone.

EDIT:

Okay, so some people are reading this as ‘don’t criticize this man about anything ever’, so I’ve decided to clarify: this is me, as someone who read the first book at about the time it came out, telling people to try to not be racist about this, letting them know that the author is queer-which in my mind at least reframes a few things-and trying to let people know that Sophie and Agatha are twins so they hopefully don’t get too caught up in the ship and then get disappointed/upset. I’m also trying to give this man the benefit of the doubt, but I’m definitely not trying to say that he’s never done anything bad ever, or that you can’t criticize him or his work. Just, please be normal about it.

192 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey...do you ever think about how a Replicator is just,,, a 3D printer???? Like? We have communication devices hundreds of time more advanced than the flip-phone walkie talkies, laser guns and long-distance space travel and whatever the fuck a tricorder is are far off, but like we at least kinda know how we might do them. But like. The replicators are the last truly magical technology widely used in Star Trek and like,, they’re just super advanced 3D printers!!!

Like, we have those! We just need to improve the technology. They have holes in the wall that materializes food and clothes and musical instruments and we kinda know how to do that!!!

Doesn’t that fuck you up?

262 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sluttypatrickstar]

chapter thirteen

depression 101 from luck! i will try not to be too much of a dick about this because i know that some people still don’t know that much about depression (like the indifference and numbness) and so many people still parrot that thing about wow i can’t believe you’re depressed you seem so fine!

minor complaint: if luck is on antidepressants how is he having sex with people in fifteen minutes, like he did at the pool a few chapters before? UNREALISTIC. blocked and reported

homophobia/biphobia/transphobia trigger warning ahead

merit proceeds to be... well, kinda everything-phobic to luck here, really. also, thank you to colleen hoover our diversity queen who gave us an incestuous gay guy and a slutty bisexual! beating the allegations! she educates on how labels are bad because she knows soooo much about that

luck makes a valid comment that merit lives in her own version of reality and then off he fucks. merit scoffs and also scoffs that there are still no razors in the bathroom. i thought you WANTED your family to care about you and be sympathetic?

luck prints her off a depression symptoms quiz and she’s like pfft every teenager feels this way as she ticks off literally every box, but as she keeps going she’s like. hmm. oh no. she freaks out, compares it to when you google symptoms like headache and google is like BRAIN TUMOUR, and throws it away and then decides to go feed wolfgang to distract herself.

the family have pizza...

actually the dinner table is no place for your raging ableism, merit!

one, victim blaming bs, but two... is honor actually jealous here that utah forcibly kissed merit and not her? i don’t know how else to read that?

honor and merit break into a full on hair pulling fight at the table and utah arrives out of nowhere and teams up with sagan to cover their mouths and asphyxiate them both into breaking up the fight. absolutely insane method. merit is so cool and collected after literally ripping her sister’s shirt in a fist fight that she sits down and eats pizza and makes a wisecrack and sagan calls her a “badass”. that’s quite weird. i mean, i support throwing water in the face of people who are victim blaming you, it’s just an odd reaction from sagan there.

utah has forcibly called a family meeting. bets are on from me that they’ll fight.

incest and homophobia coming up

utah explains to the family that he was bullied for being gay and he thought that if he just kissed a girl he would be “fixed” or “cured”. so he forcibly kisses his sister. colleen why would you write this. colleen why would you write this why would you write this why would you write this. why would you, a straight woman, write this. please never write a queer character again.

utah apologises and expresses genuine remorse and guilt for what he did to merit. merit accepts the apology, family meeting adjourned. merit and utah have a moment together and cry and hug etc.

sagan says he’ll give merit a tattoo, and he draws the design in secret but she trusts him. she asks him to explain his “your turn, doctor” and sagan proceeds to give her a very very potted history of the arab spring and the syrian refugee crisis. i do not know enough about this crisis to say whether or not his was a good explanation. while i am all for educating people using fiction about things they don’t know a lot about, i feel very hesitant towards this example, because i feel like an actual real life tragedy is being used to make the love interest seem more tortured and tragic and to make merit look more caring and compassionate. giving an exposition dump of the crisis in a book is also a very odd way to do this, but really, i don’t know shit about this, so i shall move along and just make my concerns known here

yeah, i feel uncomfortable right now.

VERY uncomfortable. that colleen hoover, a white author, is using the backdrop of a real life fucking crisis to make the narrator look more compassionate and make this love interest so tragic and oh he needs a hug right now he’s going through so much. someone i’ve been telling about this book says that the “i feel like an asshole” line, and then the entire passage above, feel like something you’d read in a parody of a book like this.

liveblogging the horrors: without merit by colleen hoover (part 5)

(part 4 is here)

chapter eleven

in which merit is still a bitch and even though her family literally saved her last night she’s STILL being horrible about them!!!

oh, you see that last bit at the bottom right where someone comes into the bedroom? it’s her dad, who’s come in to check on her. merit is so fucking woe is me nobody cares about me nobody even came to check on me that she didn’t give anybody time to come and check on her. she automatically assumes the worst of her family every fucking time! and honestly do you really want your incestuous step uncle checking in on you anyway?!

the denial and family hating is in such full force. the second someone in her family actually tries to do anything to help her she just fucking throws it back at them and makes it about how everyone ELSE is in the wrong and fucked up and needs help. she moaned about how nobody cared about her trying to kill herself, but when her dad cares and tries to help, she makes such a fucking fuss about it! for fuck’s sake!

side note, fascinated by how merit is so obsessed with the idea that everyone in her life is ignoring something terrible about themselves instead of doing anything about it, but she is immediately ignoring that she tried to kill herself the night before and doesn’t want to do anything about it. i think you might be the kind of person you hate, merit.

and everyone hates her sooooo bad that sagan takes her and goes and buys the big trophy she was eyeing up at the start of the book which is EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS, and then he buys her lunch after that. damn i wish someone in MY life would take me out for lunch and spend $85 on something i really wanted!! we find out a bit more about sagan and his hopes and dreams etc. then he takes her to a bookshop and in revenge for the owner trying to make small talk with her merit trauma dumps on her (mentioning luck fucking utah but NOT merit trying to fuck luck, interesting how she doesn’t bring that one up). the owner then does a Weird Old Lady bit and merit is like, that was odd. but i might come back. i like odd

and i roll my eyes

[mimsyaf]

Our CK fandom, season 4, and love

At some point I’ll collect my thoughts enough to write about Season 4 more thoroughly. I haven’t even watched it all yet, am up to episode 7. To me Season 4 feels slight, and off-kilter, and slapdash, and loving, with some great moments, and some really bafflingly wrongheaded choices.

It doesn’t feel wrongheaded in a slick, soulless Marvel way, it actually feels deeply personal to the 3 main writers. I just happen to disagree with them about some… stuff. Daniel. Most of Daniel’s arc. And other stuff too. And also they tried to cram waaaay much too much in. Someone wrote that it feels hollow, and I agree.

Then there are some wondrous surprises, like just how great Terry Silver is in every moment, Tory’s storyline so far, and the fact that I have come to be very interested in Robby as a character, and care about him deeply.

But I’m not really writing about Season 4 here. I do have major problems with it (that will be very fun to write about! both critically and in terms of fic-it fics!) but I also feel the love the writers have for the characters (even if I really disagree with them on characterization!) and for the fandom, including the queer parts of fandom. It means a lot to me, that affection, those nods to us. YMMV and that’s totally fine.

The main thing I wanted to write about was YOU. My beloved fandom. Our little corner of fandom, the one that treats even KK3 as a sacred text, mines it for nuance and meaning!! This Tumblr Speakers Corner where we get on soapboxes and yell about toxic versus restorative masculinity (and occasionally Ralph Macchio’s delicate wrists and Billy Zabka’s amazing CENSORED).

I don’t need Season 4 to be that good. Because I know YOU will spin old straw into gold for me. You’ll pull out nuanced moments in beautifully colored gifsets. You’ll write fic or meta that will have me staring at my phone with my mouth open, tears springing up in my eyes, awestruck. Or giggling wildly to myself. You’ll draw the artwork that will set me to dreaming.

In season 4 they wrote a scene for Laura Lawrence that was so generic, unexamined, and shallow that I wanted to yell at my tv. Meanwhile, YOU’VE given me words about Laura that have changed forever how I view motherhood. One of you wrote words for Laura to say to Johnny upon him coming out to her that went far towards healing my mother’s rejection of my queerness. Your fic did that.

Everything about Sid has always struck me as either a misguided inside joke or inwardly directed antisemitism. And then one of you wrote an exploration of him as a character, his Jewishness, his relationship to Johnny, the country club, LA society, that was more thoughtful and thought-provoking and surprising and moving than most short stories I’ve read in the New Yorker.

Through this slog of year 2 of the pandemic, you’ve spun the most incredible castles in the air, made me think about girlhood, about queerness, about being trans or NB, bodies in sports, bodies in violence, fathers- teachers- wounds-, MEN (sooooo much about men), love between men (all kinds of love between men), martial arts, kink as a way of processing trauma, kink as an awesome fun thing to do, cars, the US’s shameful history of imperialism and oppression of Asian populations at home and abroad, Coor’s Banquet, soldiers, road trips, class in America (where we pretend it doesn’t exist), how Bobby Brown Can Get It, terminal illness, cultural appropriation, chokeholds, neurodiversity, ghosts, Elderly Homicidal Veterans Should Kiss, binary brothers, OG Cobras, stigmas around homelessness, and expired orange juice.

You took some mostly good, somewhat flawed. source material, and you’ve transformed it into a dreamscape. And I love you for it. My eyes are closing on their own right now, so I don’t have time to say that you for sharing this ride on the CK rollercoaster.

Man I hope this makes any sense at all.

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

popcorn & pronouns

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Janus, Remus, Roman Rating: Teen & up Relationships: Dukeceit, Creativitwins  Warnings: Not much to warn for in this one. Language, a little bit of suggestiveness, vague non-detailed descriptions of a horror movie.  Word count: 3402

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

Starlight Universe masterpost

Dukeceit Week 2021 start - previous - here - next - masterpost

Summary: A movie night date leads to an important conversation. Already being t4t makes it a lot easier. Or, in Remus's own words, “This is just, like, going to be a week of people coming out to me, I guess. Huh.”

Notes: Day 6 of Dukeceit Week 2021! Almost there! @dukeceitweek Takes place in my Starlight Universe, where each piece can be read without any context. Takes place 9 months after college; at the start of the story, Janus uses only they/them pronouns. 

-- 

“Ooh, popcorn! Can I have some?” Roman popped his head into the kitchen of the apartment he, Remus, and Logan had shared in the nine or so months since they had all graduated college.

“No, Jan and I are having a date in twenty minutes,” Remus said, waving Roman off without looking away from the air popper.

“Okay, I don’t see how that’s relevant to my question.” Roman pushed himself to sit on the counter by the sink. “I mean, that’s really cute, I hope you have fun. But can I have some popcorn?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Make your own when I’m done.”

“But you make it better!” Roman pouted overdramatically.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “All I do is plug in the machine?”

“Right, which is better than me doing it.” Roman grinned at them. “Less work for me.”

“Hey!” Remus swatted his arm. “The transphobia, honestly—”

“Well, if you making it for me is transphobic to you, then you not making it for me is—” Roman broke off quite suddenly, his expression undergoing several shifts very fast that Remus could not make sense of. Which was… unusual, to say the least. Roman was normally the one person they could always count on understanding. They didn’t like this new development one bit.

“Ro?”

“Iiiiiit’s… queerphobic to me,” Roman said at last, a worried pinch to his eyebrows. He laughed, and it almost didn’t sound forced. “So we’re at a tie, so you should just make me popcorn.”

“First of all, I’m queer too, make your own damn popcorn. Second—” Remus turned away from the popcorn machine and gave Roman his full attention, leaning back against the kitchen island and tilting his head to the side. “Do you wanna talk about whatever the fuck that was?” So far as Remus knew, Roman was bi; that was the label he’d been using for years and years, so long that it practically felt like forever. Since almost the very beginning of high school. Since before Remus had questioned their gender, even. Only last week, he’d called the light switch biphobic without hesitation when it broke.

Whatever had happened to make him so very deliberately not call himself bi just now, it was new.

Roman’s expression closed up very fast indeed, but not before Remus caught a flash of something he was almost certain was fear. “No.”

“You know it’s okay to question, right?” Remus inquired awkwardly. “No matter what specifically, and no matter what the outcome is? Yeah?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You know I’d still love you no matter what, right? Even if you were, like, a straight man—like, I would make so many jokes about not agreeing with your lifestyle, but—Ro, you know everything is always gonna be okay, right?”

Roman glared at him. “Remus, I don’t want to talk about it.” He wrinkled his nose. “And I’m definitely not straight.”

Remus blinked and raised their hands. “Alright. I didn’t mean literally straight, I just meant—you could be literally whatever, and it would be cool. That was—like—the most extreme example I could think of, you know?”

Roman let out a slight huff of laughter. “Thanks,” he said reluctantly after a pause. “It’s nothing, though.”

“Bullshit,” Remus said immediately.

“It—” Roman swallowed. “I need it to be nothing, okay?”

“If anyone’s making you feel shitty, I’ll beat them up,” Remus said immediately. “Even if it’s Patton. Just drop the names. I’ll do it. I’ll—”

“Remus, it’s fine. I want to stop fucking talking about it now!” Roman snapped.

Remus hesitated, fumbling for what to do or say next, everything about the conversation feeling just a little wrong and sideways.

Roman sighed. “Sorry.” He pushed off the counter, went to the fridge, and stared into it for a solid thirty seconds, then took a cheese stick out of the door. “I’ll make my own popcorn later,” he mumbled and retreated back to his room.

“Damn, alright,” Remus said to the empty room. “Be like that, I guess.” They flung their hands into the air and went to get the butter they’d been melting in the microwave before Roman’s appearance.

Roman would talk to them about it, whatever it was, eventually. He always did. And whatever was bugging him, Remus would figure out a way to bug it back until it stopped and Roman was all happy and bubbly again. Because that was what Remus always did. It would be fine. It was just a waiting game.

Remus sighed. He always hated waiting.

***

“Mmkay,” Remus said, when Janus had arrived, and they had worked together to move the TV out of the living room and into Remus’s room, and they had settled in on Remus’s bed—Remus sitting up against the headboard and Janus half-laying in Remus’s lap with their long thin legs stretched out along the bed and their head on his chest—and the popcorn had been set beside them where they could both reach it, and the blanket nest had been fluffed once more. “What shall we watch?”

Janus was silent for a long moment. Actually, come to think of it, they had been quiet since they’d arrived at the apartment—even more quiet than usual. But Remus was almost certain they weren’t nonverbal, seeing as they had exchanged a few fond words with him. It just hadn’t been very many words.

“Janny, baby?” Remus leaned forward, over their shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of their face.

Janus had their fingers knotted in the blanket that was spread over their lap, fidgeting with it anxiously, a thinking-hard expression on their face.

“Baby?” Remus curled one hand lightly around theirs. “You good?”

“Choices are too hard right now,” Janus said at last.

“Okay, that’s okay. Do you know what you need?”

“I want to watch a movie.” Janus frowned. “I just can’t choose.”

“Gotcha. No problem.” Remus pressed a kiss to their cheek. “I’m really good at choosing.” He threaded his fingers through Janus’s long hair, scratching soothingly at their scalp in just the way he knew they liked, and pulled up the library of movies, switching from Roman’s profile to his own.

“How’s some really cheesy horrible horror film we can make fun of sound?” he asked, scrolling with the remote and still playing with Janus’s hair with his other hand. “I know we have a bunch of those, I loved ’em when we were kids and I think they’re funny.”

“That sounds fine.” Janus nodded and relaxed a little further against Remus.

“Good.” He kissed the top of their head. “Do you need anything else?”

Janus shook their head. “I’ve just been kind of stressed lately. Work’s been shit, and all that. It’s fine. I just want to cuddle and things.”

“Ooh, ‘and things,’ I like the sound of that,” Remus teased, sliding his hand gently to their chin and drawing them to twist around far enough that he could kiss them soft and slow.

“I didn’t say what kinds of things,” Janus said innocently, their eyes still closed and so close to Remus that their lips brushed against his as they spoke. “Perhaps I could be persuaded later.”

“I’ll be sure to prepare my best arguments,” Remus said, leaning slightly up to kiss their forehead and then back down to their lips for another lazy kiss, taking his time and exploring Janus’s mouth until they sighed and melted against him.

“A compelling preview,” they murmured, their eyes still closed and the slightest smile curling at their lips.

Remus meant to make some kind of witty quip in return, really he did, but all that came out of his mouth was a quiet, awed, “Holy fuck, you’re so beautiful, Jan.”

Janus’s eyes opened and met his for a moment, soft and vulnerable, before they turned and hid their face in his neck. “Love you,” they whispered against his skin.

“Mm, I love you too,” Remus said happily, wrapping his arms securely around Janus and kissing the top of their head. “Love your pretty eyes and skin and hair and body, love how clever you are, love your scary goth clothes, love your snark, love your stims, love you—”

Janus whined wordlessly into his neck, pressing kisses to it and fisting their hands in the front of his shirt.

Remus chuckled, taking a handful of their hair and gently tugging until they looked up at him once more. “Do you want to watch a movie at all, or do you just wanna make out? Cause I’d be good with either, but if you wanna do a movie, we should get on that before we’re too distracted.”

“Oh.” Janus leaned their head back a little until it was resting against Remus’s hand. “Not that I don’t want to make out, but—”

“Nah, I gotcha. Gotta at least get through the popcorn, am I right?” Remus cast about for the remote, lost in the blanket pile, as Janus shifted about until they faced the television again.

“There it is!” Remus snatched the remote up, clicking through the library on the television until he saw the particular film he was thinking of and pulled it up. “This look good?”

“‘When moving into their new house, little do our protagonists know it is haunted by a demonic serial killer. Will they get out in time? Or will they be his next victims?’” Janus read the summary aloud. “Sounds absolutely thrilling. Extremely original. Love the bad Photoshop on the cover. I’m sure the acting will be of the highest quality.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s so shitty, I love it. So many cheesy effects and fake blood, it’s the actual stupidest shit,” Remus assured them. “I love it, though. Went as the demon thing for Halloween when I was nine. Nobody fucking knew what I was, but I had the time of my life. And got fake blood on Roman when he wasn’t looking. It was great.”

Janus chuckled, reaching up to brush their fingertips against Remus’s cheek. “Well, with such a glowing review from someone so attractive, how can I resist?” they said fondly.

“That’s the spirit!” Remus hit play.

Remus had watched this particular movie more times than they could count over the course of their childhood. He peppered commentary throughout the film:

“This is my favorite part, if you pay attention you can see her real fingertips holding onto the fake hand she’s about to get chopped off!”

“There’s a jumpscare in this scene, I know you hate those—okay, hit the skip-ten-seconds button in three, two, there. Perfect. Dumbass demon movie can’t even trust itself to be creepy without cheap scares.”

“Look, I know the mom is supposed to have some kind of hot blonde thing going on for the horny straight men in the audience, but she’s got nothing on you.”

“For some reason they made a director’s commentary and it actually includes the fake blood recipe they used, I’ll show you sometime!”

Janus, in turn, provided brilliant, extremely snarky roasts, mostly of either the actors’ absolute lack of skill or the gaping plot holes:

“Oh, yes, going alone to the attic at midnight without so much as a candle is a fantastic idea, nothing bad could possibly happen in this scene.”

“Listen, I can excuse the children because they’re about eight years old, but do you think this man has ever even heard of acting? Or even, like, speaking in a non-monotone?”

“I am truly fascinated by the special effects department’s understanding of human anatomy.”

“So, the demon feeds on misery? Why hasn’t it taken up residence in a large office building? I mean, come on, hundreds of souls in an environment designed to grind out constant levels of misery? It’s perfect. The poor thing must be starving out here in the two-point-five-kids-and-a-dog suburbs, every meal it gets is tiny. I would be so much better at its job than it is.”

At last the credits rolled.

“Wanna see pictures of the costume I made?” Remus asked.

“Sure.” Janus sounded amused.

“Lemme just—” Remus scrolled through their camera roll for a minute. “Oh, here they are.” They displayed their phone to Janus; tiny nine-year-old Remus, who sported long tangled brown hair in two ponytails, was draped in a black curtain, donated by his great-aunt, that he had very enthusiastically taken a pair of scissors to to create a tattered effect; the curtain was splattered with bright red goo, and tiny Remus had a pair of plastic knives in his hands, which were blurry in almost every photo because they’d hardly stopped making stabbing motions all evening. To their right, their little sister Gabby, who’d been six at the time, was dressed as Elastigirl and making a punching motion; to their right, Roman—who had already been a full three inches taller than Remus, even at nine—was wearing a Belle dress with a poofy skirt and a sword strapped around his waist and a huge smile that was missing one front tooth.

Remus swiped through the photos; a delightful scene unfolded, as tiny Remus posed for a few pictures, then in one was blurrily turning towards Roman, then dumping something on him, then Roman was screaming and Remus was laughing as red goo dripped down the poofy yellow skirt; Gabby watched with both hands clapped over her mouth, eyes huge.

“You two really have not changed at all, have you?” Janus asked, stifling laughter.

“Absolutely not,” Remus agreed with an answering laugh. “I think the most that either of us ever changed was when I chopped off all that hair and dyed it green.”

“When was that?” Janus asked.

“Sophomore year of high school. I did not have permission to chop it all off, but I did get permission to dye it afterwards, so that was pretty sick.”

“And that didn’t go against dress code?” Janus inquired.

“No, actually. Not sure how. But I bet my parents would’ve kicked up a big stink about it if the school tried and made me change it; they were always super big on self expression and shit.” Remus gestured towards the picture, indicating tiny Roman in his princess dress. “We always got to wear whatever we wanted, and shit like that. It was nice. Made gender shit way easier when that became a thing for me, you know?”

“It sounds nice,” Janus said softly. “I’m happy you had that.”

Remus nodded and pressed a kiss to their forehead, reaching for a handful of the popcorn dregs in the bottom of the bowl.

Janus shifted in their arms, rolling over to face Remus and propping themself up on their elbows. “Actually,” they began.

Something on their face told Remus that whatever this new topic of conversation was, it was important. He swallowed the half-chewed popcorn in his mouth. “Yeah, baby?”

“Speaking of gender.” Janus picked at the edge of the blanket.

“I love speaking of that, go on.” Remus tousled Janus’s hair fondly.

Janus took a deep breath, staring at the blanket in their hands. “I want to start using he pronouns again. In addition to my regular ones. Or.” They wrinkled their nose. “My current ones, I guess. So, he/they.”

“That’s great, he/they pronouns are very sexy,” Remus said at once.

Janus laughed, looking up at him at last. “That’s true, you are the sexiest person I know,” he said fondly. A shadow passed over his features. “But,” he went on slowly, chewing on the inside of their lip and picking at the blanket once more.

“Yeah?” Remus encouraged.

“I really don’t like the idea of telling anyone else about that.” Janus grimaced. “I keep worrying I’ll get asked stupid questions about ‘oh, so are you a man again now?’ when—like—no, and I never was one in the first place. So.”

“Oh, that sounds gross,” Remus agreed at once. “I can see why you’d be worried about that.”

Janus nodded. “I just—I don’t want to explain. And I don’t want people to ask questions. And they might. And I just—I don't want any of it. I want to skip to the part where they know and it’s all how I want it to be.”

“That’s reasonable,” Remus agreed. “But, I mean, if they can get me using he/they pronouns and being nonbinary, they had better fucking wrap their minds around the concept of you doing it too. Yeah? Or I’ll make ’em. Violently, if you want.”

Janus snorted. “I appreciate the offer, darling.” They reached up and touched his cheek. “I… don’t know if I want to tell anyone else yet. But I did want to tell you.”

“You got it, cutie.” Remus booped Janus’s nose once. “Just let me know if anything changes. I’ll punch people for you. Anytime. They don’t even have to have done anything. Just point me at them and consider it done.”

Janus did laugh at that, outright, scrunching up his face and burying it in Remus’s chest. “I should not be this into you offering to punch people for me,” he said wryly.

Remus grinned and flipped their hair. “Nah, I think it’s definitely very sexy of me and should absolutely turn you on.”

Janus smacked Remus’s arm. “I did not say that!”

“You implied it.”

“Not… necessarily. That was one possible interpretation—”

“Oh, right, I see, mmhm, very interesting.”

They smacked his arm again. “You’re teasing me.”

“Only a little bit. You’re so pretty when you get all flustered.” Remus bent their head at a somewhat awkward angle to kiss Janus’s lips gently. “Are there any new words you want me to use, by the way?” they asked. “Besides updating pronouns?”

Janus tilted his head to the side, considering. “I think… I still like all the sorts of things you call me already. Pretty, and partner, and—and baby, and so on.”

Remus smirked. “That’s good, I like calling you baby.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Janus hid their face in their hands.

“Why, baby?” Remus asked innocently.

Janus made a strangled noise, and after a pause carried on. “I do think I wouldn’t mind adding a little bit of… masc terminology? I guess? If that makes sense? Adding that into the mix. Not all the time, and not as much as the things you already call me, but… just a bit would be nice.”

“Gotcha.” Remus nodded. “I can do that. So, like, my baby is very pretty and handsome?”

Janus’s cheeks went bright red in an instant, and he hid his face in Remus’s chest again, letting out a tiny wordless scream. “Yes. That. That—that’s nice,” they managed after a pause, sounding almost entirely composed.

Remus chuckled and ran their fingers through Janus’s hair. “Good to know,” he said teasingly. “I will definitely keep this in mind.”

“Oh my god,” Janus mumbled. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Absolutely, but only in a sexy way of making you happy.” Remus kissed the top of their head. “This is just, like, going to be a week of people coming out to me, I guess,” they mused. “Huh.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, something’s clearly eating at someone else we know, and I think they’re going to tell me about whatever it is within the week. That’s all. It was just funny timing.” Remus kissed the top of Janus’s head again. “So, the movie’s over,” they noted, which, sure, was a blatant and deliberate change of subject, but he felt this was justified, both for avoiding-speculating-about-Roman’s-personal-information purposes and, more importantly, for fun-after-movie-things purposes.

“That it is,” Janus said, a particular innocent tone entering their voice. Excellent, he was of a similar mind to Remus, then.

Remus grinned and drew them up for a kiss. “So, what does the very pretty and handsome and lovely human in my arms want to do now?” he inquired.

Janus made another small, wordless, flustered noise and promptly dragged Remus into another kiss. “You can’t just say things like that!”

“What, about how you’re the loveliest—prettiest—sexiest—” Remus pressed tiny kisses to Janus’s lips with each word, until at last they caught his lips with their own in a proper kiss to shut him up. “Pretty sure I can say it, actually,” Remus murmured against his lips. “Cause it’s true.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk,” Janus said, sounding very pleased indeed, and kissed them again.

--

Taglist (ask to be added/removed!): @theimprobabledreamersworld @peruviandesertfox

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire

Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3

This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!

Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America

Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)

Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue

Word count: 5.1k

Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.

No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.

He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.

No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky�� “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.

No one.

So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?

He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.

That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.

Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.

It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.

He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.

Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.

For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.

Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.

How about best friend?

How about partner in crime?

How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.

It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.

“Anyone got a marker?”

The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.

“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”

It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.

He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.

Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.

Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.

Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.

“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”

He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.

Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”

“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”

When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.

“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”

This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”

He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.

Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”

The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.

It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?

No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.

Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.

See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.

It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?

The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.

Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.

They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.

Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.

“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”

Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.

Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.

And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.

Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.

The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.

“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”

The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”

“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”

Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.

Who knew, right?

“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.

“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”

Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—

Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.

Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.

“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”

Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.

He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”

A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”

Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.

“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.

Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?

“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”

He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.

When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.

“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”

He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.

He feels feral again.

“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”

Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.

Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”

Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.

You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.

It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.

“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.

“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”

With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.

The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.

“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.

Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.

“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”

Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.

He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.

“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.

Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.

“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”

Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”

Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”

Now she sounds like Winnie too.

“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”

She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”

Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”

Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”

Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.

Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?

It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.

Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”

With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.

He’s never wanted to be.

Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.

But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.

That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

finished season 4 finale. two words for you: fucking hell (affectionate)

firstly, i would like to kiss every one of their writers on the mouth (/p) because this is a Good ending (and a necessary one if you're doing a show with a gay main character, in 2014 may i add) and they did an incredible job throughout the show....

putting the audience through an emotional fucking rollercoaster first and foremost was incredible. not to talk about james right now but i believed thomas was dead for three fucking seasons. and only after they pulled the same shit with the supposed death of madi & john i begun to come to my senses & to think about the foreshadowing they've been doing since the talk of this "prison" began and i want to bite into my fucking shoe right now because there probably were many more about many other things that i didn't notice. i think that i wouldn't be wrong in saying that this show needs to be properly analyzed. all the foreshadowing, the symbolism, the intimacy between characters (be it platonic, romantic or any other and/or combined way) --they are so well-written. i love this show and i'm never going to recover from it. hnnnngh!

the flow of the tensions & the releases were amazing and i think that especially the anticlimactic releases were made that way, intentionally; and i once again would like to walk into the fucking ocean. and i personally felt those moments throughout the show many times and it was fucking uncomfortable and i loved it because of that. they managed to construct their characters so well that the characters themselves are the ones to write the story, they are the ones to control where it leads. and they were like i could make them worse and they Did. and i am screaming crying throwing up over this.

not to rant this much but just from the cinematography & visual arts standpoint, this show is a beauty to look at. i want to draw oil paintings of it, i want to fancy-print screencaps and hang them on my wall just to Look at them.

watching this show hurts like hell but also. it's so good i can't ever let go of it now.

and also, on a personal note, i like my fictional men a little bit Deranged, bit traumatized & pathetic around the edges. (maybe that's why i am simply Fascinated by james but that's an ask for another day) but speaking just for the characters of this show, i'm not sure "like" covers the range of feelings i have for each and every one of them. i'm no apologist but i will call them babygirl, i will give them a hug, and i will hold them by the hand and take them to therapy, knowing the shit they've done. yknow? they are my Blorbos. except rogers, peter ashe, alfred hamilton & eleanor. and edward teach. and billy (i'm a bit sad about that). fuck those slimy bastards.

you were right, the queer rep ball is not dropped, even in the show's finale; you were right, this show makes you want to stare into the ocean. i am never stopping rotating this show in my mind. i cried over this show, and it was worth every goddamn tear. what in the fuck. very happy to have watched it -not regretting a single thing. thank you for recommending it to me!! <33

-🏴‍☠️

Wooo!! Congrats on finishing the show Anon!! Welcome to insanity!!!

I appreciate the writers so much because I never thought about them for a second until I finished the show. Cause like you said, the characters construct their stories, and there's so much delicate work the writers put into that and the foreshadowing and the mirrors and parallels and the themes, gosh I love this show. There are so many good dynamics and moments and ahhhhh

Every single moment of this show needs to be examined and dissected and it makes me very happy to have so much to unpack. They lowkey told us Anne and Jacks fates in SEASON TWO when Vane says that the two of them will probably be in charge of all the pirates one day, and it made me a bit insane when I noticed it.

Some of my favorite cinematic shots of the show is when they pan up from the water, usually its towards the start of the seasons and it always looks so cool.

The range of emotions on the characters is totally understandable. None of them are good people, the closest the show gives us to a "good" person is Featherstone, who is the epitome of "just some guy" I like some characters, hate others, love some and still others I'm neutral on.

I totally get loving characters at the end that you hated in the beginning. I did not like Silver at first, but holy shit was he too intresting to hate for long, and he became my second favorite by mid season 2. Vane also grew on my a lot over time, especially in season 3, when I hated him for a long time before that. And I fully agree on (almost) all those characters that you find slimy. I mean, you are correct, every single one of them ARE slimy, I am just a poor fucker who fell in love with Billy season one and never stopped. I think calling myself an apologist is a bit too strong of a word as I fully acknowledge that what he did was wrong and he is NOT a good person at the end, but the tragedy that is his character and his story just made me so sad that I couldn't bring myself to hate him, though I came close. I could go on forever about Billy but this ask isn't the best place for that lol.

This shows narrative started because James McGraw loved Thomas Hamilton and it ended because James Flint loved Thomas Hamilton and I love that very much. This show literally unburied their gays

I am so glad you enjoyed Black Sails!! All of the asks you've sent have been lovely and I would love to continue talking to you about it if you'd like!

[vampyrasa]

STUDY - DO NOT REBLOG.

it was joseph le fanu that said  " the vampire is prone to be fascinated with an engrossing vehemence resembling the passion of love ", and that vampiric pleasure is heightened by  " the gradual approaches of an artful courtship, ".  he, and many other scholars after him, identified a clear analogy between monstrosity and desire-  of passionate desire and erotic fulfilment through embracing the identity of fear. 

it is within the gothic novel that we find the resident demon - and therefore the paradigm for this desire-by-fear - best displayed.  in bram stoker's dracula, there is what chris craft describes as a 'surcharge of emotion' that comes from being nearly kissed by ''those red lips''. that it is so powerful an ambivalence by generating both errant eroticism and compensatory anxieties that one cannot divorce the aspect of horror from longing.

marjorie howes argues that the 'so-called-feminine'  aspects of the monstrous characters are what were so terrifying to victorian society.  dracula himself uses the feminine to displace and mediate the ‘anxiety-causing elements of a masculine character’, representing the forbidden desires that victorian men feared in themselves as monstrous femininity as a means to celebrate their own toxic masculinity.  that the text itself admits, relents on  and suppresses homosexual desires that are cast in a monstrous and thereby homophobic light - but that it only proves that the vampire himself is both inherently queer and the subject of gender boundary, and speaks to the biggotry and closed-minded nature of victorian england’s society.

it is in the mouth that wee the culmination of these bits of longing and anxiety; in the color of the deep, red mouth .... ( “  burning desire that they would kiss me with those red lips.”  )    ....   and in the anxiety found in the revelation of their sharp, white teeth.  stoker uses describes the count’s mouth as red, or scarlet or crimson in at least eight different instances, and this coming from a book bearing his name where he has very few appearances. the term ‘red lips’ is used five more times, the mouth or the vampiric mouth is mentioned over 30 times in the entire novel.

the main characters are often at odds with their own emotions regarding the sight of the vampire - of their wax-like skin, their scarlet mouths, and also regarding the count’s fine, long nails. His mouth is more animated than any other part of him - it sneers, gnashes, laughs, draws back and shows the long, sharp teeth, and smiles the way that ‘judas in hell’ might have done.

i would not say he uses femininity as if it were a thing-  and certainly not a bad thing.  rather, it is part of him. there are parts of him that present as inherently feminine because he is a nonbinary entity.  yes he uses ‘he and him’ along side ‘they/them’, but that should not discount or discredit him on account of the views of victorian society. they possess an equal amount of masculine and feminine traits- and presents that way as well in their entire outward appearance.  

[radiosandrecordings]

re: kiss noises, gotta say that having a kiss in a podcast can be very hit or miss. creators have to be extremely comfortable and 110% behind it for it to work imo. it's why it works for me, say, in the penumbra podcast, but I would feel super weird about one in TMA. (also genre I think is also a factor but that's a whole other thing.)

Genre is exactly the thing I was going to write a follow up post about actually, I’ve been discussing it along with direction style and tone with my friends and I think the comparisons to Penumbra is specifically where a lot of people are finding issue?

Because TMA and TPP are both audio dramas. But they’re nothing alike! Not in story line, not in direction style, not in sound design, not in tone or genre. It’s like trying to compare Deadpool and Dunkirk because ‘... They’re both movies I guess?’. It doesn’t work because they’re nothing alike, TMA and TPP are just popular audio dramas and it’s such a niche market they get lumped together. 

TPP is very big. It’s a fast paced cheesy noir sci-fi thriller about a detective on mars and it has the directing, writing, tone and soundscaping to match. It makes you laugh, cry and completes an entire story arc in like an hour and a half. It’s also a romance in one of it’s largest capacities and Sophie Kaner has personally talked about the kisses in TPP and why they’re so much. It’s because they wanted to give representation, because TPP is an inherently queer narrative (ONE straight character! ON THE PLANET!) and they wanted to utilise kissing for that. It fits with a soundscape that’s as loud and encompassing as the rest of the show, and also: the kissing is plot relevant, it’s not just thrown in to gross your ears. 

TMA is a very different show! It’s a lot more grounded and serious, I’d say realist if not for the horror. When it uses gross soundscapes, they’re supposed to be gross, like I said in the original post. It’s a lot more subtle in it’s soundscapes, keeping it quiet and definitely telegraphing movement a lot less than Penumbra, because that’s its style. It’s not a show with constant movement like Penumbra where they drive cars and run about cities, the majority of episodes are just. Jon. Reading. 

Something I would actually liken to TMA in terms of tone and direction is The Bright Sessions, something that has been often forgotten by the new wave of audio fans, since in two weeks it’ll have been two years since it ended. It was a show that contained supernatural elements, but was largely grounded in reality. Mischa Stanton did a great job on it’s soundscaping in that was basic in the way that if they were doing their job right, you wouldn’t even remark on it at all. It was Normal. Not big and brash like Penumbra. And it had a kiss scene. And it was gross. Far too long, just mouth sounds of two teens making out in a car (a m/m couple if you’re trying to draw comparisons between Sophie’s representation philosophy), and as far as I can remember, it’s not even particularly plot relevant. It just didn’t work since it was a show that hadn’t really set a precedent for that kind of invasive, loud sound in my opinion. The directing style had been too different so far to allow for a full on make out to flow with it. 

You’ve got to know what show you’re making and go with how it’s flowing. Sounds are the only tool audio dramas have at their disposal, and if something sounds different from your normal tone, people will notice, and it will sound weird.

[kaypeace21]

The Duffers use of music proves byler is endgame (music-analysis)

The Duffers in an interview said that they choose songs for the show very deliberately -sometimes spending weeks on Spotify to find just the right song to convey an emotion/context of a scene. Songs in all seasons (but especially in s3) were used to show how characters are feeling- or just an action they’re about to commit.

For instance, Karen when she’s about to meet Billy at the motel-  feels apprehensive and wants to get out of it (since it would hurt her family) and she was just flirting with Billy as a way to escape her own issues, about her life. She never flirted with Billy for the end-goal of “getting him.”

They even use “cat’s in the cradle’ which could be shown as a way to illustrate the inappropriate age disparity between Billy/Karen.

Other examples-

Right before the boys run away from the lingerie store- the lyrics are literally “I just walk away” XD

Jim when he looks at Joyce- the lyrics are “she’s got you.” ( cause he’s in love with her).

-And Jim after getting Mike to not come over to see El, (by yelling at him) sings…

Joyce after she sees Bob’s drawing fall to the ground and then crouches to pick it up.

And songs also illustrates how Nancy feels about her job (with her sexist co-workers). As the morose lyrics of “I’ll be working here forever” play as it zooms in on Hawkins post -as Nancy rushes inside.

As well as  her excitement -about investigating a new case. As Jancy leaves and the very on the nose song  of “get up and go” begins -as they get into the car.

Billy when he pulls out chloroform (from a perfume bottle).

El after dumping Mike (and smiling about it) XD

So all the byler stuff I’m about to mention proves byler is endgame.

So yes, the fact that the very first lyrics that play when we see mileven kiss for the first time  is “Just a little uncertainty can bring you down”- reflects that (just like the others, the song reflects Mike’s true feelings). The song is from the album “boy in the box (cough closet)”.

And we know this is how Mike (not El) feels about their relationship because he begins to sing the song right after this lyric. It mirrors how when Will danced with a girl (who owned a rainbow hair clip) the lyrics were “every smile you fake.”

Mike continues “And nobody wants to know you now. And nobody wants to show you how.So if you’re lost and on your own. You can never surrender.” He fears that if he isn’t straight everyone he cares about will abandon him, and that he’d be lost and the only one ‘like this’ -all alone.But he can’t ‘surrender’ the false-idea of being in love with El (out of fear).  El even says to “stop” and tries to cover his mouth to prevent him from singing and Mike asks “What you don’t like it?” and El just says “No!”.

Which may be a purposeful juxtaposition to how Robin came out- and instead both Robin and Steve sang off-tune happily together- while El covers Mike’s mouth and tells him to stop singing. When Mileven kiss at the end of the season the song ‘the first i love you’ plays. The same song that plays when Robin comes out to steve (to illustrate the juxtaposition).

What’s interesting is ( right before the mileven kiss) we see a zoom in shot of a picture of Will and a rainbow . Like that’s Will! He has light brown hair (not black) and Will is the only one associated with fire and has drawn himself with fire in the past.

And since El has Mike related-stuff all over her room, and barely knows Will. Mike probably lied saying it was supposed to be him- which is why it’s above her bed.And we also see that based on it’s placement Mike is facing the Will drawing so he can see it  (cause we see El in front of the poster and Mike sitting opposite of her during the 1st kiss) . 

And during this transition the lyrics read “cause just a little more time could open closing doors” Which could be hinting at byler becoming a thing later - when (after some ‘time’) they both become ready to actually admit their feelings/sexuality - despite the other probably doubting the other has feelings for them.

I mean we even see an illustration of Will & the text of the name ‘Mike’ written out next to a rainbow-heart. And 2 other drawings next to the rainbow heart drawing (that are covered in red hearts). XD

(*for those who can’t see Mike written out in the transitioned will/mike pic)

However, what’s interesting though is the one other things he took down from his wall. In S1 Mike (before he even met El)  has a heart sign, with a red heart being propelled by a rainbow. Then in s3 it's gone from his wall when he dates El (cause he's trying to repress the fact he's gay). Why El has a drawing that says Mike (with a heart also propelled by a rainbow.) He can't use El to escape the truth. His rainbow follows him everywhere even when he tries to hide it (from his basement wall and himself) -  and when kissing El!Aka he tries to take it down (like he pretends to be straight). However, in the first ep of s3 when Mike is making-out with El (trying to project his feelings for Will on to her by looking at the Will drawing while kissing) we see a emergence of the heart being propelled by a rainbow (in El’s room) as a drawing.  signifying Mike participating in compulsory-heterosexuality,  and the fact no matter how hard he tries- he’s not straight!

Also El’s reaction to the song - hints that this isn’t actually her mixtape. But one that Mike made for her. or Will made for Mike (since jon makes mixtapes and prob taught him how- Will in s3 gave a mixtape to Dustin so it would not surprise me if he gave one to Mike).

So similar to the drawing, the mixtape hints at byler’s feelings

  ‘I can’t fight this feeling’ (which mileven makes out to later). Actually indicates Mike fighting his feelings for Will. And how he’s been trying to fight his feelings for Will, all season.

Besides the lyrics themselves- the singer literally went on record about the song’s meaning . Which is about a boy being in love/pinning over his friend of many years and never thinking he had a chance at being with them (and being afraid he’d ruin the relationship if he confessed)- but slowly thinking he could  be with them (and that they might feel the same way about him) . And in the song the 2 people AREN’T even together yet!

“Oh, I can’t fight this feeling any longer. And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow. What started out this friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show. I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever .I said there is no reason for my fear ‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together ‘.You give my life direction. You make everything so clear. And even as I wander I’m keeping you in sight. You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night. And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might”

This makes no sense for mileven who kissed after knowing each other for a week and who didn’t have a long established friendship, beforehand. And who also are already together (and not afraid to express their ‘romantic feelings’ for each other).

Then in s2, mileven dance to ‘every breath you take’ a break up song about a stalker ex. The writer of the song also has said many times “it’s NOT a love song.” The duffers obviously knew that. Lumax also danced to it and Lucas was called a ‘stalker’. El also stalked Mike in s2 (all that stuff milevens found romantic- El watching him without him knowing. Mike says he was not ok with it in s3). And in s3 he said not to do that and she just says ‘i make my own rules’. Not to mention Nancy teaching Dustin how to dance is a direct parallel to Mike teaching El. 

Mike also tries to act like Dustin, and  forces Will to dance with a girl (who’s wearing a rainbow hair clip). Trying to be a good sport like Dustin is about lumax. And right after this we see Dustin look sad about Max/Lucas dancing and Mike (next to Dustin) look sadly at Will/girl dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots to emphasize their sadness/jealousy.Then they both sit down (mirroring each other) on the verge of tears before Nancy and El show up to comfort them and distract them.  As El once again (presumably) wears Nancy dress. Mike “you cant go with your sister… i mean you can but it’d be really weird.”

Also in regards to Will- when I heard they were going to have the song ‘Never ending story’ I wondered if they were going to re-contextualize one line in particular to be a hint at Will’s queerness. And shock- they did it! XD

The lyric is “ Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds and there upon a rainbow Is the answer to a never ending story. ”

And of course Will is the one with a secret- that is ‘rainbow’ related. And they pan to him during the “secrets” line. I think Will is less in the denial phase than Mike is and already knows he’s gay and in love with him.

And this wasn’t a coincidence because when Lumax makes fun of Dustin they sing the lyrics incorrectly as  “The mirror of your dreams. Rhymes that keep their secrets…” And it pans to Will AGAIN!

We see Will obscured in shadows to represent he’s “hiding”.

And then he appears in the light, looking sadly at D&D as the lyrics , “rhymes that keep their secrets” is sang (again).

And we see he’s specifically looking at the d&d game sadly and about to give it away- since they zoom in on the game title (before he places it in the “donation” box). 

Because the d&d game is used to reflect his desires (like a “mirror”) . It’s the ‘mirror of his dreams’- to be with Mike. Cue Mike saying “ what did you think,really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?” And poor Will  just responding with “Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.”

This lyric about the mirror is NOT in the original song. It was used once again to establish D&D as a romantic symbol for byler. Just like how they zoomed in on d&d right before the romantic “crazy together” speech.

Mike in s3 says “Blank makes you crazy… y’know like the word (love).” Flo in s1 says “ Only love makes you that crazy and that stupid.” Cue Will calling himself “stupid” 4 times (after Mike says they won’t be together playing games for the rest of their lives-and ripping up the Halloween pic , out of heart-break).

(x)

So again right after we see the zoom-in of the game (another romantically coded scene happens after). Will puts the game in the ‘donation’ pile - and Mike isn’t happy about it.

Mike: “WHOA, dude, that’s the donation box.”

Will: “ I know, I’ll just use yours,  when I come back. (pause) if WE still want to play?”

( translation: “I love and want to be with you but I’m not going to pursue you and get my heart broken again. Because even if I feel like you love me… I can’t trust my own instincts about how you truly feel anymore. If you want to play this ‘game of love’  with me you have to initiate/participate in the game properly.” Mike when fixated on El even says it was a cool campaign but  “we just weren’t in the mood right now.” and  also says to Will “c’mon, let’s play for real”  but Will storms off (not thinking that what Mike said was genuine).  

Mike : “Yeah, but what if you want to join another party?”

(*cough, the other ‘species’/girls, or just someone else: girl, guy or otherwise)

Will: “Not possible.”

(Will will always love Mike, and  admits he wants to be with him for the rest of his life).

(x)

And we actually see the Hopper’s Monologue (where Mike is shown)- reflects what Mike said to Will earlier. Mike does want to love Will but he’s just scared of changing their relationship into something romantic- and even though a part of him doesn’t want things to change, he’s still afraid that Will will move on from him as they both get older. “I’ve been feeling distant from you. Like you’re pulling away from me or something” (Will does this both figuratively/literally). I miss playing board games every night (d &d)”. “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. And I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”

Also the lyric “ Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds and there upon a rainbow- is the answer to a never ending story. ”

One way or another Will’s secret (of being queer and/or being in love with Mike) will eventually come out. And that’s the answer to this “never ending story” between Will & Mike. Their love story. I mean who else is associated with Will’s story and has loads of rainbow symbolism - and has rainbow symbolism that  specifically connects them to Will?

*Lol don’t even get me started  on analyzing how in s1 when Mike thinks Will is dead- Mike hugs his mom and the lyrics are “and we kiss as though nothing could fall. And the shame.” Which is queer coded and written by David Bowie- and during the s2 “freak” speech- Will even says he’d rather be friends with Bowie than Kenny Roggers.

People need to realize no one is a bigger shipper of byler- than the Duffer brothers themselves! XD

[chiyohsrifle]

Got tagged by the marvelous @hvnnigram and I can't wait to bare my soul to you guys. this is a long one, so let's go!!

Rules: Tag people you want to get to know better 🖤

Your name and then what you would've named yourself: My full name is Montserrat (I'm Mexican, in case you couldn't tell. Well Mexican-American but anywho) but I typically go by Montse. Mainly cuz people struggle to pronounce my full name hehe but I also just think it's less of a mouthful. Idk, I honestly really love my name and don't think I'd change it given the chance. Maybe something shorter just cuz paperwork can be a bitch. I like Rene but otherwise, I'm pretty attached to my name lol.

Astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I'm a sun Pisces, a moon Aries, and a rising Virgo, I believe :)) All in all, I'm an emotional, empathetic bitch

When did you join Tumblr and why?: Was going through my emails yesterday and I've been here for a year?? apparently. So yea, I joined Aug./Nov. of 2019 and I'm almost certain it was cuz I wanted to see more Good Omens fanart lol. But I got more active this year cuz quarantine do be forcing me to have some wack coping mechanisms. Also BBC Merlin had me reeling and I needed somewhere to scream.

Top 5 fandoms: Hannibal (obviously), BBC Merlin, Killing Eve, Good Omens, and The Umbrella Academy 😊

Top 5 favorite films: (oh Lord, the cinema buff in me is Panicking rn) God, there's so many I love but I'll try to give varietyTM. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Parasite (2019), The Wind Rises (2013), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014).

Go to song when you wanna Feel something: if we're talking like emotionally charged, TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan always sends me reeling. Endorphins wise, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel always makes me wanna jump and move around. And La Vie Boheme from RENT, just pure serotonin

What's your religion or faith, if you have one?: I was raised with a heavy Catholic background but I'm agnostic, I believe is the term. Basically, I don't think there's not a God or higher power(s). I just don't align with anything specifically. But I do believe there's something running things, whether that be spirits, the stars, gods, etc. I can't say.

A song that makes you feel seen: Not to be a theatre kid on main but, Breathe from In The Heights. That song and whole musical hold such a special place in my heart, esp with Nina's character cuz I'm Nina. Every part of that song just Gets Me and i ugh, can't articulate it but yea, that song be me.

If you could pick a career: A writer or painter. Anything creative/artsy really cuz crafting is just so calming to me.

Do you have a type?: ngl, I'm kinda the 'falls in love with their best friend' stereotype but beyond that, not really. I kinda just see attractive people and mentally short circuit

What does your soul/heart yearn for?: Not to sound like a character from Hannibal, but to be understood. To be cared for and feel supported. To allow myself to rest and be comforted/loved. Just to feel safe ig. Whoop, that got personal, anywho

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: intelligent, caring, awkward, Very Queer, and chaotic

Favorite subject in school: English and History!! I think they're absolutely fascinating and I'm gay so obviously I connect way too much with literature

Where does your soul feel most at home at?: Close to someone that I love, in comfortable silence. Or any situation where I have wind blowing in my face, it's super comforting and idk why

Top 5 fictional characters: Rowena from SPN, Bella Crawford, Beverly Katz, Eve Polastri, and Jack Crawford

Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry:

1. The ending of Your Lie In April. Idk if any of yall have experienced that, but let me know if you have cuz shared trauma. I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe. Dry heaving and everything, it was Not Pretty

2. Like literally all of One Day At Time. I know, it's cheesy but that show means a lot to me and I get so emotional watching it cuz I connect to the characters so much. Anything with Elena makes me sob cuz like she's me but also my baby, ya know

3. Um Queer Eye in general but specifically the episode with the gay pastor. That hit close to home on so many levels and boy, was I sobbing the entire time.

(Before y'all ask, honorable mention to Mizumono, TWOTL, and the ending of BBC Merlin cuz I may have been too tired to cry, but trust me, I was emotionally wrecked after all three)

The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with the stars but I love that lesbian space rock too

Favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms, rain, cloudy, grey weather. Fall, I love the fall, give me autumn pleASE

Top 3 characters to kin you with: Guinevere Pendragon from BBC Merlin, Vanya Hargreeves from TUA, and Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal

Favorite medium of art: I love all art very much but I guess drawing and film especially

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Gonna say ambivert cuz I can be shy but buckle up, cuz the second I'm comfortable around you, it's absolute chaos. You will learn too much about me and that's okay 😌

Favorite literary quote: If poetry counts, it's something like "And if the devil was to ever see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent". Idk who wrote it but it's an Arabic love poem. Actual book quote tho, "But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try not to change, but I keep changing, in all these little ways." from Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda cuz damn me too.

Some of your favorite books: Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Lee, Autoboygraphy, and Copper Sun

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: Europe or New York. No real specifics for Europe, defiently leaning more towards Western Europe and the Mediterranean cuz they just seem so pretty. And NY cuz I want a studio apartment hehe and also I adore NY. I went a couple years back and just fell in love. Although live is a loose term cuz I've always thought of moving around a lot. I like traveling and settling down isn't really convenient for that so these are kinda just ideals lol

If you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: Oh, defiently 60s/70s. Also, anytime matriarch societies were common cuz I wanna see what that looked like

If you could play any instrument masterfully, it would be: the acoustic guitar and piano. Maybe violin, but those two for sure

If you have one, which god or goddess do you feel more connected to?: I've always really vibed with Athena so her. But also Diyonuses cuz man's is the ideal.

And finally, your favorite recent selfie in your camera role:

(Excuse the eye bags and look in general, I was sleepy when I took it)

Whoo, that's all folks. I'm just gonna say that any of my followers/mutuals who want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. Thanks for tag, once again, babe!!