#i dont want to get my hopes up but MY GOD. MAN.
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ok wow, took me 4 hours to read and annotate this.
i love LOVE the banner, it rly like set the mood of the story and i love your editing skills !!
whoops, this is long.
â plot; easily my most fav wonwoo fic. oh god, i was from the moment you announced in front of me was in the works. angsty fic with best friend wonwoo, i was SOLD. plus unrequited love? pining? realistic characters? yes. the angstiest piece written so beautifully and done with so much effort. and this hits way too close to home. i literally felt called out at multiple points of reading. i just love how realistic and gut wrenching this is.
â oc; she's an idiot, i love her. honestly, i feel like she's me lmao. everything from pining like an idiot to the buzzfeed unsolved and aot, man. she's so well sculptured in a way her characterization is realistic. her sensitivity, the willingness to let him walk over her like that, pining, naivety, accepting him no matter what. fucking hell, she wasn't even angry at last, just so tired and soft with her wordings, only breaking down by the very end. she needed a push to take a stand for herself and i'm so glad she did!
â wonwoo; *sighs* the very introduction and he was already being a dick. but goddamn the fact he's genuinely oblivious to it? when i was expecting toxic bsf! wonwoo, i didnt expect him to be a cardboard cut-out of he-who-shall-not-be-named. ig every girl has stumbled across these type of guys. it would've been so easier to hate by just seeing the story from his pov. but introducing his thoughts and views made me fee pity for him. bcz yeah, he's human too and as much as he's despicable, i understand him. a true gray character. his feelings were so complex. the string of relationships that never worked out were so bitter to read about, him ghosting her yet always crawling back, the uncertainty when she started ignoring him, the jealousy, the anger. his character was so raw and human. as much as i feel sympathy for him, sometimes leaving ppl like this behind is the best answer.
â seokmin; ok, i was so enamored by this guy, that i completely overlooked the fact that he could have bad intentions. like?? if you read thru my annotations, i genuinely liked him? even when wonwoo said he knew what he was doing, i thought wonwoo was being stupid. ... until i heard it straight from seokmin. man, the twist? i was so shocked, i dont even know what's gonna happen lmao. this is crazy.
â the friends; i love them from what we've seen of them. the scene with gyu giving him a reality check? fuck yes, you need friends like that. not only was he looking out for her, he was looking out for him too. i loved it!
â annotations;
Your phone beeps indicating that heâs hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you?Â
the angst is already hitting omfgggg
and the prologue feels like the opening to a movie, i love it so much.
âWait, what? You and Wonwoo arenât dating?â Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat.Â
asking the real questions here
Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond.Â
nooo, but also yesss for the slowburn
âNo, câmon, weâre just friends. Thatâs it, right?â Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up.Â
that hurts..
But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. Heâs completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.
this is already hitting omfgÂ
He becomes more detached when heâs in a relationship, and youâre okay with that. His priorities change and youâre okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you canât force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that.Â
ow ow ow, ok.Â
but that doesnât mean it doesnât hurt any less to see the person youâre in love with, fall in love with someone else.Â
đ angst is angsting
Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife.Â
reading this while im on my periods is gonna punch me in the gut
âItâs alright,â he coos, pulling you into his strong arms. Â
đ§not me serving lanes with seokmin lmao
You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him.
been there, done that. i am guilty your honor
You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there.Â
sheâs down bad and attached af but I UNDERSTAND RAHHÂ
He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up.
đ§âŠ i giggledÂ
Wonwooâs arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder.
RAHHHHHHHH đŠ
âOf course, what are best friends for?âÂ
ofc ofc ⊠best friends âŠ
Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.
this was so beautiful, i just had to point it out. Annaâs writing >>>>
If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day.
alexa play, snow on the beach (annaâs version)
He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you.
fuck, i feel called out
Despite his interest in collecting pokĂ©mon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love.Â
is this about me?
You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea.Â
this fucking play is abt me
It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didnât mean he was that much different from how he was last year.Â
oh fucking hell, anna are you perhaps stalking me??? im having flashbacks
He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasnât worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice.Â
wonwoo bro, what is this behaviour
Everything that you werenât.
fuck, ok that hurts (i refuse to cry so early)
Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didnât care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.
ik normally ppl would hate this, so do i. but been there, done that⊠not proud of it
Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesnât let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit. The possibilities are endless, and youâd rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality.Â
your imagery ???? holy shit, i never thought of the siren metaphor in this way. anna, ur brain >>
âIt's never a problem if itâs you,â he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car.Â
đ§*sighs* pls dont tell me heâs gonna talk like this the entire time. Wtf jeon wonwoo
Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know youâll think about it for the rest of the night.Â
listen, this is gonna be difficult if he's gonna keep acting like this
His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough.Â
Delulu is the solulu (in fiction)
The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwooâs deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.
oh here comes the jealousy.
At this point, you werenât sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesnât realize how greatly he can impact your feelings.Â
asdfghjkl, jealousy is one ugly demon. I hate it
Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? Itâs tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that youâll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesnât love you back.Â
another hit in the gut, it seems so important at that time but looking back, nope.
âHey, look at meââ he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. âYou are not a burden. We care, thatâs why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.âÂ
đ„șđ„č friends like this >>>
Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. Heâs always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo.Â
i need a seokmin in my life rn
Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him.
lmao, i love soonyoungÂ
huhu, im so READY for wonwooâs pov
Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo.
I screamed when i saw this, FROM THE TEASER ASDFGHHJKL
He has no control over whether youâre going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he canât stand that feeling.Â
wow, try being her for a sec, my guy
Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps heâs conceited and selfish, but he doesnât care.
10 points for self awareness!!
Because in his mind, youâre his best friend.
I folded so fucking fast, im not immune to possessiveness
[wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u shouldâve seen it! reminded me of u.Â
i am not immune to jeon wonwoo
The sight of you getting into Seokminâs car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed.Â
yes yes YES, heâs jellyÂ
Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe.
i love his complexity. the most perfectly gray character, like any other human being. I love your characterisation of him so much!!
That hadnât been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldnât help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him. He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone.
Awww, this is cute but knowing howâs he gonna act in the future âŠ.
âYou know, youâre still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?âÂ
i hate these typa relatives ??? like bro LOOK AT URSELF
Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed.Â
AHHH, ANNA U AND ME, WE ARE THE SAME PERSON omg i love buzzfeed unsolved.Â
Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit.Â
fuck this reminds me of him. anna, you stalkerÂ
And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasnât all that bad-looking, after all.Â
no fuck, everything reminds me of him wtf
He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun.Â
đ§u have a girl waiting for u back at home but i wont blame him
By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less.
âŠâŠ this hurts
Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon.Â
but i am happy for him. Itâs important to not base ur happiness on someone else !!
On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control.Â
uhâŠ. Wonwoo ??
âIt all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!âÂ
AOT MENTIONED
âI'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,â
âŠ. ??? im offendedÂ
He was never able to comprehend why he couldnât keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasnât sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer.Â
⊠yeah i think i know
The answer was you.
There it is
With the amount of near run-ins heâs had with you and Seokmin on campus, heâs begun to sense that itâs some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that itâs completely unwarranted.Â
oh it is warranted, trust me.Â
âServes you right, youâre a dick to her, man.â Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare.Â
TELL IT, GIVE IT TO HIM, GYU
âHow blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you canât see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?â Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression.Â
im hollering lmaooo
Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes.
ok, i feel bad for him.
Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but heâs pushed you so far to the brink that youâd rather ignore him than attempt to hash out whatâs been troubling you.
poor guy, didnât even realise it.Â
What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building?
đ idk if i shud laugh im so sorry
That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment.Â
nvm, this is so messy and so real
You were fine, and he shouldâve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin.Â
Bro, just grow a pair and go talk to her instead of coming to conclusions on ur own wtf
The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokminâs visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind.Â
wonwoo, arenât you her best friend? her sexual ventures now annoy you, hmmmmmmmm i seeee
Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him.Â
slow burn, yearning, ah yes the only two things keeping me alive
âThe number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,â an automated voice affirmed his suspicions.Â
đ§âŠ i did not expect her to block him just like that but queen knows her worth !!
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison.Â
i âŠ.. uhm ⊠this is messy
Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth. Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard.Â
i feel bad for him but donât balme her either rahhhhhh
âI could say the same thing for you,â Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, âI didnât have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.âÂ
HUH?????????? WAIT WHAT. WTF OH NO NO
He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didnât expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture.Â
oh âŠ.. oh my god. wtf
He knew you well enough that you wouldnât just block him so carelessly, without a word no less.Â
I KNEW IT
Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly.Â
Nooooo, wonwoo. i am very shocked by the turn of events
Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on?Â
damn this alluding to his prev relationships ⊠makes me sick. I mean he didnât know better but still âŠÂ
âDid you fuck him?â Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions.Â
đwtf wonwoo
Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps itâs undeserving to do so, but Wonwooâs frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying.Â
i get him but boy pls, this is not the way
His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense.Â
understandable but stil smh
I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didnât care enough to notice.Â
SHE SAID IT, OMG SHE SAID IT
He shouldâve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH đŠ
đŠ
đŠ
In Front of Me (1)
cause i was blind to see that you were right in front of me âË
âč pairing: jeon wonwoo x f.reader ïżœïżœ genre: bestfriends to (?), angst, smut (R: 18+ mdni) âč wordcount: 40.6k (part 1) (part 2: here)
âč summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time.
âč tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, unrequited love (for the most part), pining, toxic!wonwoo, toxic!reader, both in wonwoo and readers pov, questionable protagonists, mentions of other svt members, happy ending (?), emotionally constipated characters (wonwoo), flashbacks, slight seokmin x reader, a lot of emotions thrown everywhere. (content warnings under the cut)
âč note: this story was meant to be posted for wonwoos bday, but if you know anything about me by now, i never really stick to my self made deadlines lol. thank you to my cutieful, big brained beta readers: ⥠@junkissed @chocosvt and @sunniques ⥠everyone in @svthub and @highvern and @gyuswhore who helped me w this fic as well ! if u look closely this is pretty much just a sugar coated version of real life events lol... anyways i hope u enjoy and lmk what u think thru the replies and reblogs :) !
âč masterlist, fic playlist.
âč smut tags: no smut in this part :p âč warnings: alcohol, reader is downbad for wonwoo, stalking, slut-shaming, evasions of privacy, if i missed anything lmk! cuz ik i did i just can't think of what hehe :p
âč what i would like to note about this story before you read it: you're not meant to like these characters (for most of the story at least lol), they are flawed in many ways, thats the whole point of this story tbh. tmi--but this story is pretty much my free therapy lol. and i love a messy plot! wonwoo and reader are just two normal people in this story and i wanted to write something a little more raw than i'm used to. so just take what i say with a grain of salt before reading ⥠i still want you to enjoy this story because i poured my soul into it. so thank you for your support and kind asks and comments about the teaser!
prologue.Â
Despite your age, youâve never been in a serious relationship. There was always something holding you back, or rather, someone.Â
In all the years youâve known Wonwoo, youâve always thought maybe one day, he would look at you in a different light. Hoping that he could reciprocate the feelings youâve harboured for him since the eleventh grade.Â
He was the one who constantly moved out of relationships. You couldnât even count the amount of late-night calls where he asked you what his ânext stepâ should be. The doting best friend that you are, youâd gladly stay up all night trying to help him fix his girl problems.Â
âI just, I donât have feelings for her anymore. Is that wrong?â he asked you over the phone.Â
Tossing and turning in your bed you let out a deep sigh. One thing is always guaranteed with Wonwoo: in a relationship, he loses feelings quickly. No matter how much he likes the girl, no matter how obsessed or possessive he feels for them at the beginning of it all, it diminishes by the time the six-month mark hits.Â
Although he may be a great friend to you, relationships were never his strong suit.Â
âItâs not wrong to fall out of love, but how many times are you going to break up with someone before you decide to stay?â you ask him, and he pauses to think.Â
âI donât know, but I canât stay, that would make things worse,â he sighs. âItâs better to just stop this whole thing now.âÂ
âI agree, but are you sure?â you continue to ask him the same questions youâve been asking since you were sixteen.Â
âIâm sure,â he replies with a heavy sigh.Â
âOkay, then goodnight. Itâs almost one in the morning,â you try to cut the call, but he continues to speak.Â
âIâm not the bad guy, right?â he asks you for reassurance.Â
âNo, youâre just human Wonwoo. Thereâs nothing wrong with losing feelings for someone,â you affirmed.Â
âAlright, thank you, good night and sweet dreams,â he whispers listlessly.Â
âGood night, Wonwoo.âÂ
Your phone beeps indicating that heâs hung up and you can feel the heartstrings pull inside your chest. How many times will it take for Wonwoo to find someone he actually wants to be with? And why is it never you?Â
act one, favorite crime.
chapter one.Â
âWait, what? You and Wonwoo arenât dating?â Seungcheol asks you, forcing you into the hot seat.Â
The rest of your friend group is boring holes into your face as they all sit around Jeonghanâs living room. The blood rises in your cheeks, but you shake your head anyway.Â
It feels like every time youâre with your friends, they ask you the same set of questions. Constantly wondering why you and Wonwoo havenât thought about dating, or why you two havenât decided to take the chance and just be together.Â
âYou guys need to stop asking that. A guy can befriend someone of the opposite gender,â Wonwoo defends the two of you.Â
âYouâre telling me in all the years youâve known her, you havenât developed feelings for her once?â Cheol continues to instigate, and your eyes go wide.Â
Looking over at Wonwoo, you anxiously wait for his answer, your chest blooming with hope, only for those buds to be washed away in a millisecond.Â
âNo, câmon, weâre just friends. Thatâs it, right?â Wonwoo turns to you, trying to get you to back him up.Â
Your mouth runs dry as he stares at you, his eyebrows rising in anticipation.Â
âU-uh yeah, Wonwooâs right, weâre just friends,â you blurt out, not being able to handle all the expectant eyes on you all at once.Â
âSee? Now can you all just get off our backs?â he chastises.Â
The chatter starts up again, moving past the topic of you and Wonwooâs friendship. But you sit there, with your heart crushed in your hands, lifeless and shrivelled. Like his words and actions had the power to tear the life out of you. The worst part was that he did all this without knowing. Heâs completely oblivious to your feelings, and you only have yourself to blame.
You understand your relationship with Wonwoo is different from most peopleâs, but at the same time, it should be normal for a girl and a guy to just be friends. And at least you respect Wonwooâs feelings, and you also respect that whenever heâs dating someone the dynamic between you two shifts.Â
He becomes more detached when heâs in a relationship, and youâre okay with that. His priorities change and youâre okay with that. Despite your feelings for him, you know that you canât force him to feel the same way. And you should be okay with that.Â
Youâve never tried to get in the way of his love life, or purposefully give him bad advice to ruin what he has with someone else. Not since you were seventeen, and at that time in your life your frontal lobe was a measly speck of dust, but it's different now. Now, your morals donât change just because you love him, but that doesnât mean it doesnât hurt any less to see the person youâre in love with, fall in love with someone else.Â
two.Â
âHey, you okay?â Seokmin approaches you, and you turn your head, acknowledging his presence.Â
âHuh? Yeah, Iâm alright,â you mutter, but you know you donât look that way.Â
Seokmin has known you since high school and has seen you through everything, probably more than Wonwoo. He knows when youâre not feeling well. A sympathetic permanent on his lips as he continues to observe you play with the food on your plate, pushing around the food aimlessly but never taking a bite.Â
The sounds of people conversing throughout the dining hall never die down. But luckily, the commotion keeps your thoughts of Wonwoo at bay, or at least thatâs what you like to think. But your heart canât seem to let go of that moment from the other day. Having Seungcheol confirm that Wonwoo has never felt anything romantically for you was like a stab in the stomach, and him getting you to back up his words was just him twisting the knife.Â
âWhatâs the matter, sweetheart? You can tell me,â he sighs, pushing the hair covering your face and placing it behind your ear.Â
You can feel the tears start to pool, but you try your damndest not to let them spillânot like this, not in front of so many people.Â
âIt was just something Wonwoo said when we were all at Hannieâs house,â you mumble, refusing to make eye contact with your friend.Â
âWhat did he say?âÂ
âThat heâs never liked me before,â you sigh, feeling a tear slip from your eye.Â
Cursing yourself in your head, you hate how much your feelings for him affect you. You hate how he doesnât have to even be in front of you, yet he can still cause your emotions to fluctuate.Â
âItâs alright,â he coos, pulling you into his strong arms.Â
It felt weird, to hug Seokmin so tightly in the middle of your universityâs dining hall. But youâre thankful for how aware he is, how he actually cares about your feelings. You felt melodramatic sitting there crying in the fucking dining hall of all places, but you couldnât help but let your tears flow as Seokmin comforts you with his soft voice.Â
âYou deserve more than this, I hope you know that,â he whispers in your ear.
three.Â
Over the next few days, the words Seokmin had whispered to you kept replaying in your head. You did deserve better and looking at all of Wonwooâs past relationships is the perfect example. Heâs not exactly the ideal boyfriend, so why did you even have feelings for him in the first place?
You could feel a migraine coming on from how hard you were thinking, but Wonwoo still seems to be the only person you canât let go of. No matter how many times youâve tried.Â
A knock on your door brings you out of your thoughts. It was late, and you donât remember anyone messaging you saying that they were going to come over, but you open the door anyway.Â
âHey, sorry I didnât text,â Wonwoo moves past you, takes his shoes off, and plops on your couch.Â
âItâs okay, whatâs up?â you move to sit beside him.Â
âI broke up with her,â He says, shrugging.Â
Taken aback by his nonchalance, your eyes widen. He seems calm for someone who has just broken up with his girlfriend. But you try not to think too hard about it, or you might just have to take another Advil to remedy your already growing headache.Â
âWell, how did it go?â you ask with a bit of apprehension.Â
Knowing Wonwoo, you knew that he probably just dumped her over the phone or something. Heâs never been bothered to really break up with someone.Â
You have all these examples of why he would probably be the worst boyfriend ever, yet your heart still belongs to him. Itâs pitiful, to say the least, people probably would think that youâre a masochist because you subject yourself to staying by his side when he has feelings for another.Â
âShe was crying, but at least itâs over now,â Wonwoo informs you as he eats the snacks you had left on your coffee table.Â
âOh.â You could feel the guilt start to seep into your veins.Â
It never felt good to hear Wonwoo talk about his breakups, but youâre not sure how to react. Thereâs a part of you thatâs happy to know that heâs single again, but the majority of you pities the girl who had just gotten her heart broken.Â
Wonwoo continues to munch on the snacks left on your table while your mind tries to process the information youâve been given. Hearing him talk so casually about his breakup leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but you decide to switch topics instead of asking any more questions.Â
âAre you still going to Seokminâs thing this weekend, though?â you ask him, trying to fill the air with something to drown out your rapid heartbeats.Â
He shrugs his shoulders, âIf I feel like it. Are you?âÂ
The bottom of your stomach tightens. You were hoping that he would go, even looking forward to it. Is that pathetic? To want to see him everywhere you go? Maybe you were pathetic to the point where you only felt like hanging out with your friends if he was there.Â
âI mean, I donât have a ride soâŠâ you trail off, pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the T.V. screen.Â
âIâll go since youâre going, that way you have a ride,â he mumbles, adjusting his posture to lean back on your couch.Â
He sighs as he sinks into the plush cushions, spreading his legs while he puts his arms up. Youâre very aware of his proximity, and you try not to let it show. But the smell of his cologne invades your senses, knocking the breath out of your chest.Â
Wonwooâs arm circles your shoulder, pulling you closer to him and forcing your head to rest delicately on his broad shoulder. Exhaling, you let yourself enjoy his way of showing affection. Although to him it means nothing, and to you, quite literally everything.Â
âThank you for agreeing to go to Seokminâs so I have a ride,â you whisper but still avoid eye contact so he doesnât notice your flustered expression.Â
âThank you for letting me barge in here just so I can talk about my breakup,â he whispers back, kissing the top of your head.Â
âOf course, what are best friends for?âÂ
four.Â
Most people fall in love gradually, slowly growing feelings for the person before they can even call it love. Like the way the seasons steadily turned from winter to spring. Green grass peeking from underneath the melting snow, or flowers gently blooming and unravelling their new set of stems and petals. For you, it was different.
 Falling in love with Wonwoo wasnât gradual at all.Â
If anything, falling in love with Wonwoo felt like a snowstorm in the middle of a sunny day. Your affection for him grew rapidly, and before you knew it, your mind was clouded with him and him only. It became hard to stay rational as if you were driving down a snow-filled road without any control over the steering wheel. Swerving into different lanes, your brakes malfunction, making it hard to bring your car to a full stop. Falling in love with Wonwoo was not gradual or easy.
When you met him on the first day of your junior year of high school, your sixteen-year-old brain couldnât fully comprehend your crush on him. He was the shy, scrawny new kid in your class, and no one paid mind to him except you. But that didnât stop you from liking him. Despite his interest in collecting pokĂ©mon cards and his crooked glasses that were too big for his face, you were in love.Â
You were like two peas in a pod that whole year, and the only time you and Wonwoo spent time apart was when he had to leave during summer break to visit family in Korea.Â
When he returned for your senior year, you could barely recognize him. Suddenly the nerdy Wonwoo you knew was gone. His glasses complimented his face, his hair was styled differently, and most of all, he got hot. A lot of your classmates mustâve seemed to agree because now your best friend and the man youâre in love with gained attention from people who didnât even bat an eyelash at him last year.Â
It annoyed you to see all these people suddenly interested in him. You were angry that just because he grew a few inches and learned to do his hair didnât mean he was that much different from how he was last year.Â
Even though Wonwoo was in a relationship, he still stayed true to your friendship. He still hung out with you, ate lunch with you, you even came over on weekends to have dinner with his family. Day by day, your love for him strengthened, and you ignored that his attention had been divided between you and his girlfriend at the time.Â
When their relationship hit three months, it seemed your friendship had come to an abrupt halt. He didnât invite you for dinner as often, you two didnât talk on the phone every other night. He started to invest more of his time into her until he decided she wasnât worth his energy anymore. Then the calls would come, his contact name flashing across your phone screen to ask you for advice.Â
âI feel like I need to break up with Haein,â his deep voice flowed through your phone speaker. A sigh left his lips as he faced the truth.Â
Haein was Wonwooâs first girlfriend. She was nice, almost too nice. Wonwoo definitely had a type for girls with a bubbly personality. Ones that were effortlessly beautiful, reminiscent of a freshly made porcelain doll. That was Haein to you, unblemished in every way possible. Everything that you werenât.
You couldnât bring yourself to hate her. She was too nice to hate, but your younger self was so angry at how much of Wonwoo's time she took up that you envied her. Seokmin once jokingly mentioned that you looked especially green when she was around, and you remember how quickly you checked your appearance on the nearest reflective surface because of what he had said in passing. You remember vividly how nervous his words made you, was it that obvious?
Wonwooâs first time calling you about his breakup plans was a delightful surprise, and you were too in shock to sputter out a proper response.
âOh. Why?â was all you could say, still stunned that after a week of no contact, this was the first thing he said.Â
ââDunno, I just donât like her anymore,â he admitted effortlessly.Â
You didnât know how to respond. Your heart was screaming at you to encourage him to break up with his girlfriend at the time, while your brain was telling you to think logically.Â
âWell, if thatâs what you think is right,â you mumbled, trying to hide the fact that you felt a sense of relief at Wonwoo potentially being single again.Â
Others may have tried to rationalize with Wonwoo, but you didnât care. You wanted your friendship with him to turn back to normal. Your adolescent brain ignored that it was wrong to encourage him, as long as he was fully yours again.
History repeated itself over and over, and the older you got, you learnt to not be so selfish with his attention. Mostly out of guilt for the person he was going to break up with, but also because you didnât want Wonwoo to realize your true feelings.Â
Although being in love with Wonwoo was brutal, you constantly wished that things were different between you two, but they werenât. Heâs never seen you as more than a friend, and as your friendship with him progressed, you had begun to learn to mask your romantic feelings for platonic ones.Â
five.Â
By the time you entered university, you had mastered the art of pretending. As if your feelings for Wonwoo didnât exist. You are quite meticulous in ensuring that he never realizes that you are profoundly in love with him. The mere thought of him finding out how you truly felt frightened you.Â
Youâve already envisioned countless scenarios on how it could go. The idea of being rejected by the one you love most. It would change everything about your friendship with him. The look of pity in his eyes, the apologies that would spill out of his mouth. You can't bear even the thought of rejection. Not from him.Â
Two voices are constantly at war inside your mind. Your brain, acting as the voice of reason, constantly reminds you that itâs better to preserve your friendship. To keep the dynamic youâve always had with Wonwoo guarded where it could last, thrive. While your heart persuaded you with deluded, fake scenarios.Â
âWhat if he likes you back?âÂ
âYou never know until you try.âÂ
âTake the risk or lose the chance.âÂ
What if.Â
Like a siren to a sailor, your heart sang with deep imagery. Filling your thoughts with illusions of you and Wonwoo finally together. But your mind doesnât let you go without a fight. It knows that beyond the deep waters where your siren-voiced heart lies is nothing but a bottomless pit.Â
The possibilities are endless, and youâd rather stay safely grounded in your boat of rationality.Â
A notification brings you out of your thoughts. Although you already knew that it was Wonwoo, you scramble to pick up your phone. Thereâs excitement laced in your veins as you look down at the screen.Â
7:06 p.m. [wons <3]: be there in 5.Â
There was no reason for you to be so ecstatic but you couldnât help it. He had already texted you prior, notifying you that he was leaving his place to come pick you up, and yet every time your phone buzzes, you still hope that itâs something completely different. But that was your heart talking; you knew that it wouldnât be anything out of the ordinary.Â
Everyone had planned to meet at Seokminâs place today, just to have one last celebration before midterms began again. You had happily agreed, enthusiastic that you could spend more time with Wonwoo, although it wouldnât be a one-on-one thing. You were more than elated to see him while also being able to hang out with the rest of your friends.Â
Throwing your phone back on the bed, you change into an outfit that is both cute and comfortable. There wasnât a reason to dress up when the vibe at Seokminâs was just going to be sitting around his living room, drinking cocktails and eating pizza.Â
Wonwoo texts you once more to let you know heâs outside, causing you to race down to meet him. A lump in your throat arises, as he comes into your field of vision, appreciating how breathtakingly handsome he is.Â
The chilled breeze brushes through the strands of his hair, glasses perched on his tall nose. He looked amazing, just like he always had, but you never get bored of admiring him. Even if itâs just from afar.Â
âHi! Sorry if I kept you waiting,â your voice resounds into the night.Â
âIt's never a problem if itâs you,â he chuckles as you dawdle over to the passenger side of his car.Â
Trying not to read too deep into his words, you snort at his cheesy line instead of giving a response. Watching Wonwoo move to the side as he opens the car door for you. His actions make you blush, and you know youâll think about it for the rest of the night.Â
âAre you ready to go?â he asks, smiling at you.Â
The ride to Seokminâs house is fairly quiet, the sounds of music filling the silence instead. Your thoughts are overflowing with scenarios once again, wondering how different the car ride would be if you and Wonwoo were in a relationship. His fingers would probably be laced with yours, or rubbing soothingly against your thigh while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. Planting kisses on your cheeks at every red light. It seemed like heaven on the other side. But you knew reality would crush your delusions soon enough.Â
âŠ
 The clock on Seokminâs pale white wall is nearing midnight and you donât want to be here anymore. Not when the only thing you could focus on was Wonwoo flirting with a girl whose name you didnât catch. Sheâs Joshuaâs childhood friend and he only brought her along because sheâs visiting from out of town. Whoever she was, it didnât matter. The only thing that mattered to you was the fact that she was able to bring out Wonwooâs deep laugh. The kind of laugh that only befalls upon your ears when he finds something genuinely funny.
The ugly swirl of jealousy sits in the pit of your stomach and you couldn't help but scoff at your wretched situation. It made you sick watching them, and you could throw up any minute now. At this point, you werenât sure who to envy, Wonwoo or the girl he was flirting with. You find it unfair that he doesnât realize how greatly he can impact your feelings.Â
Just a few hours ago, you were in utter bliss. Sitting in the front seat of his car, listening to the music softly playing on the ride to Seokminâs apartment. Making stupid jokes and pointing out the random sights that you had seen while driving down the bustling city streets. You envy how easy it is for Wonwoo to make all those feelings of delight vanish. And he doesnât even know. He doesnât know what heâs doing to you, and thatâs what hurts the most.Â
âYou doing okay?â Seokmin comes up to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, squeezing it affectionately.Â
âHuh? Oh. Yeah Iâm okay,â you chuckle, but thereâs nothing humorous about your laugh at all.Â
His eyes soften, he knows that youâre not okay. Seokmin always knew. After all these years, he can tell when youâre trying to save face. Thereâs a lump in your throat, and if you didnât have a drink to sip on to distract you, you probably wouldâve gone to the bathroom to cry.Â
âYou wanna talk in my room?â he offers, and youâre grateful.Â
Seokmin knew he had to get you somewhere other than the living room. You were practically torturing yourself, sitting on the couch and watching Wonwoo talk to everyone but you.Â
Instead of agreeing vocally, you nod your head before standing up to follow Seokmin to his room. The door shuts softly, muffling the sounds of laughter and allowing your uneasiness to finally subside.Â
As you sit on Seokminâs bed, you feel the tears starting to trickle down your cheeks. It feels pathetic, crying over something so trivial. Why does it have to be you who feels this way? Why canât you just be a normal friend and see Wonwoo in a platonic light? The whole world could turn upside and heâd be the first person you search for.Â
Everything just seemed so unfair, how could you possibly be happy if your feelings for Wonwoo were constantly in the way of it all? Itâs tiring, worrying about him, yearning for him. You could do so many other things with your time, and when you look toward the future, you know that youâll regret how much of your life you wasted loving someone who doesnât love you back.Â
âItâs okay, just let it out,â Seokmin whispers in your ear, embracing you in a tight hug.Â
Crying felt good. You rarely cry over your situation despite how upsetting it is. For the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to finally indulge in your sadness and let go of everything you were too afraid to say or feel. Â
âI know it sucks right now, but honestly, it might be time to get over him,â Seokmin continues to comfort you while trying to help you face the reality of your situation. âYouâre so hurt, and itâs taking a toll on you. Please, I canât bear to see you so sad.âÂ
His words hit you hard because you know it's true. But all you can do is apologize. Saying sorry for feeling this way, even though itâs not your fault, you cannot control your feelings, you still apologize. To Seokmin, to your friends, but also yourself.Â
âI-Iâm sorry,â you hiccup, tears staining Seokminâs white shirt.Â
âWhy are you sorry? You did nothing wrong,â he mutters, his large hand patting your head, trying to soothe your fit of emotions.Â
âBecause, if I was normal, you wouldnât have to worry about me, about why Iâm always upset, you and the others, my feelings are burdening all of you,â you continue to weep softly in his arms, gripping onto his shoulders as his hands encircle your waist.Â
âHey, look at meââ he grabs your face, gentle as a mouse, rubbing away the tears from your cheeks. âYou are not a burden. We care, thatâs why we worry, and I just want to be there for you.âÂ
âThank you, Seokmin. Iâm so happy that I have someone like you in my life,â you pull him into a hug again, knocking the air out of his chest, but heâs still somehow able to hug you even tighter.Â
Seokmin is like your favourite childhood blanket, keeping you warm and away from everything that could possibly hurt you. Heâs always willing to hear you rant about things that you know you could never tell Wonwoo.Â
âIâm so tired, Iâm tired of feeling like this,â you admit to him.Â
Running his hands through your hair, he gives you a reassuring smile.Â
âMaybe itâs time to distance yourself from him a bit, you two have been glued to the hip for so long. Maybe that distance can help organize your feelings better,â he mutters, catching the stray tears that pool at your chin, and wiping them away for you.Â
âI want to feel better,â you agree with him, still trying to recover from how hard you were sobbing into his chest.Â
âI care about you, okay? We all do. Wonwoo cares about you, too, but thereâs a point where youâll have to be okay with whatever outcome happens if you decide to tell him how you feel. Or you just have to find a way to get over him,â he speaks softly, trying not to crush your heart with reality, but you know heâs right. âIn the Future, you will thank yourself for making whatever decision you have to make, but trust me, holding all these feelings in wonât do you any good.â He ends his pep talk there, and you sigh, trying to process everything he said.Â
âThank you, Minnie, Iâm so thankful I have you,â you sniffled.Â
âAnd I you.âÂ
âŠ
Seokmin explained to Soonyoung and Jihoon that you needed to go home after your talk in his bedroom. They were more than happy to take you along with them before heading back to their place, not wanting to force you into a car with Wonwoo at the end of the night.Â
âOf course, itâs really no trouble at all,â Soonyoung reassures you after you had asked about a million times if it was okay to ride home with them.Â
The car ride is drastically different from the one you had taken on the way to Seokminâs, Soonyoung being the number one reason why. Heâs not the best at reading the room, although Jihoon is constantly telling him to shut up. He knows you are upset over something, but Soonyoungâs way of cheering you up is getting you to laugh. While Jihoon believed that you may want a more peaceful environment after everything that happened.Â
As Jihoon drove, Soonyoung sang along with the lyrics of the current song playing. Loud enough for anyone outside the car to hear him. You could tell he was a bit tipsy after the few beers he had earlier, but you didnât mind the noise. Jihoon begged to differ.Â
âSoon, can you tone it down? Please. People are looking at us,â Jihoon grumbles, trying to focus on the road ahead.Â
âBut you love it when I sing,â Soonyoung whines, and you canât help but laugh.Â
âI do, but our friend has had a long night,â Jihoon counters.Â
Soonyoung turns to face you from the passenger seat. âIf you want me to be quiet, I will.âÂ
âNo, itâs okay, Iâm actually enjoying it, thank you very much,â you giggle, and that was all the confirmation he needed, going back to his antics.Â
Jihoon groans as Soonyoung practically breaks out into full song and dance, causing you to sing along with him. This distraction from all the conflicting thoughts gives you a refuge from the war inside your mind. Â
The whole way back to your place was filled with singing and laughter, allowing you to finally feel at ease for once. Albeit Jihoon pretended to act annoyed the whole time, you knew he secretly loved how Soonyoung tried to bring the mood back up to help you.Â
Once you got home, you thanked the two before bidding them farewell. Apprehension flowed throughout you, and you didn't want to be alone with your thoughts after being around someone as cheerful as Soonyoung. But you didnât know where else to go or what else to do.
Laying in your bed, you think about how today went from beginning to end, and youâre scared of what will happen in the future. Sighing to yourself, you allow yourself to at least get some rest instead of staying up all night thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow. Turning your phone on "do not disturb," the stillness in your apartment lulls you to sleep.Â
1:09 a.m. [wons <3]: seokmin said u went home early? u ok?Â
ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?
chapter one.Â
Wonwooâs ride home was sombre, yet desolate. Your absence from his passenger seat irked him. Street lights whisk by his vision in a blur, but heâs too lost in his thoughts as he drives on autopilot, wondering why you went home so early. You didnât even say goodbye. Itâs the first time you went home from Seokminâs place without him.Â
By the time he got home, his curiosity had started to claw at him, but he didnât want to be irrational and assume the worst. So he texted you, hoping that there would be an explanation awaiting him in the morning.Â
Not a single notification from you came that very next morning. No matter how many times his phone went off, no matter how many notifications popped up from his screen. None of them were you. Morning turned to afternoon, and afternoon slowly turned into night. Still nothing.Â
He feels dejected. Everything seemed to be going okay just last night. That was until you abruptly left without telling him you were going home. What changed? Why did it feel like there was a shift between you two?Â
Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo. Most times, itâs him thatâs doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the breakup and lose feelings first; every decision he made was made by him. He has no control over whether youâre going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he canât stand that feeling.Â
Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least thatâs what he forces himself to believe. That itâs not fair of you to ignore him when heâs worried about you, because heâs your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up at your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been.Â
Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps heâs conceited and selfish, but he doesnât care. Because in his mind, youâre his best friend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesnât even consider it a possibility. You were busy, thatâs it. That has to be it.Â
âŠÂ
Less than forty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldnât stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence was perfectly normal, then maybe you would eventually end up answering him.Â
12:36 p.m [wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?
Nothing. Not even a thumbâs up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing thatâs so important that you couldnât even open his message let alone read them?Â
1:27 p.m. [wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didnât give it to her though đ
Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He canât believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes itâll be the text that finally gets you to respond.Â
2:10 p.m. [wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u shouldâve seen it! reminded me of u. [1 photo attachment]Â
Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of whatâs worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.
4:00 p.m. [wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today?Â
The sight of you getting into Seokminâs car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he has witnessed.Â
4:30 p.m. [wons <3]: saw u get into seokminâs car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw.Â
Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin, of all people, solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just canât stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back.Â
Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he could keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, heâs unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up.Â
two, wonwooâs summer before senior year.Â
The school year flew by with the speed of light. And before Wonwoo knew it, he was home back in Korea for the summer. The dreaded fifteen-hour plane ride over was excruciating. There was an ache in his lower back, and his knees felt like they were being struck by a hammer with every step he took. But at least the worst part was over.Â
Sixteen-year-old Wonwoo was quite naive, thinking that heâd be welcomed into his home country with loving arms. That hadnât been the case at all, and for the two months that he spent in Changwon, he couldnât help but count the days till he could come back home. Where you had been patiently waiting for him.Â
He despised being away from you, and he had yearned for you every moment he was gone. With you by his side, Wonwoo had finally understood the true meaning of solace, a peace of mind that couldnât be replicated. Not even the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown could outweigh the feeling of tranquillity that he got when he was with you.
Every year that Wonwoo was dragged back to Korea by his parents was excruciating. Especially because he had a certain distaste for his relatives. Maybe it was disrespectful to loathe them the way he did, but he couldnât care less. Their scathing comments would flow out of their mouths just to pierce daggers of judgement into his back. To insult Wonwoo was second nature to his aunts, and he couldnât do much but sit back and listen. Â
Much to his dismay, his parents hadnât even bothered to book an Airbnb for their stay, informing him and his brother that they would be staying with his aunt. He couldnât stand his aunt Seo-Ah in particular, and he swore the feeling was mutual. Unsure of why he had to withstand her crude remarks in front of his family without much protest, he forced himself not to dish out rude rebuttals to everything she had to say.Â
There was a time when Wonwoo tried to reason with himself on why his aunt was filled with so much bitterness, but he gave up on that long ago. He was about to be seventeen now, and he couldnât bring himself to empathize with the older lady anymore.Â
âWonwoo! Youâre all grown up now, and I canât believe it,â Seo-Ah forced him into a bone-crushing hug as he tried his best not to push her off of him. She pulled back to take a closer look at him and he could already see the scrutinizing gleam in her eyes, âYou know, youâre still so skinny for your age. Do your parents not feed you enough?âÂ
Wonwoo wanted to scoff at her, but he kept a neutral expression.Â
âNo they do, I donât know maybe itâs my fast metabolism or something,â he refuted her claims. He couldnât wait to get out of her sight.Â
âYou know, maybe you should start going to the gym, get some muscle on you or something,â she patted his lanky arm and laughed that dreadful laugh. The ones that have no real humour behind it, just to cover up the obvious dig she took at his appearance.Â
âYeah maybe,â he dismisses her to head into the house. Setting his luggage down to check whether or not youâve texted him yet.Â
It was about five in the evening in Changwon, but he knew you wouldnât be asleep. Faintly recalling how you were planning to stay up late every night to watch BuzzFeed unsolved videos, or until your mom yelled at you to go to bed.Â
[4:15 p.m. kst] [you: i stayed up all night watching buzzfeed unsolved] [you: im going crazy i keep getting paranoid to the point iâve turned all my mirrors backwards] [you: hope ur flight was ok tho!!! đ«¶]
He chuckled to himself, remembering your wide eyes and elaborate plan to sneak snacks into your room in the early hours of the morning behind your parentsâ backs. Wonwoo missed you, and your stupid obsession with horror podcasts and YouTube shows. He missed the way your smile would shine so bright as you talked about all the haunted places the hosts would visit.Â
Wonwoo did not care for horror or anything scary, but if you were to ask him to stay up all night on Facetime binge-watching your little Buzzfeed videos, he would do so in a heartbeat.Â
Two days down, about another 89 to go, Wonwoo thought to himself as he looked through your messages with him. You had already spammed the chat mercilessly about your first two days of summer break, and your intricate mission to stay up without accidentally falling asleep in the middle of it all.Â
[6:00 p.m. kst] [1 photo attachment] [you: currently trying to sneak snacks into my room without my mom knowing] [you: u better not snitch đŸ] [you: its so boring w out u here btw SO COME BACK SOON PLSS] [you: ok thats enuffâŠtxt me when u land!]
Wonwoo really missed you.Â
âŠ
One more week and Wonwoo would finally get to see you again. The ability to talk to you in person, hug you, and spend time with you gave him something to look forward to, and thankfully, summer break went by fast because of it.Â
He had spent most of his time in Korea eating at local food spots, going to the gym, and trying a lot of new things with his brother, Seongho, giving them time to bond before he went off to University again. Wonwoo had missed his brother dearly during the school year, but at least they were able to pass the time together during summer break.Â
It was initially his brotherâs convincing that got him to go to the gym for the very first time. The idea of going to a place with a lot of sweaty, adrenaline-filled people kind of frightened him, but the more he went, the more he started to like what he saw in the mirror. Wonwooâs shoulders had broadened, and his lanky arms finally started to show signs of muscles. He was satisfied in knowing that all of his hard work, and Seonghoâs encouragement had finally paid off.Â
Seongho told him he looked a lot more carefree now that he wasnât so worried about his appearance all the time. And it was then that Wonwoo realized that he wasnât all that bad-looking, after all.Â
Wonwoo had begun to take pride in his vanity. He searched for different ways to style his hair, bought glasses that better suited his face shape, and, most of all, did his best to act more confidently. The sudden change made him wonder how you would react. He had been anticipating your reaction, wanting to see the look on your face once he returned home.Â
âYou got it. Just one more rep, and we can switch,â Seongho encouraged Wonwoo as he tried to push the bar up from his chest.Â
His muscles were aching in the most addictive and satisfying way. He almost wished he had started working out earlier because only good things seemed to have come ever since he stepped foot into the gym.Â
âOkay! Youâre done, that was good,â his older brother high-fived him, a proud smile dancing along his lips.Â
âThanks, but my arms feel like jelly now,â he huffed a chuckle before gulping down the contents of his water bottle.Â
Seongho chuckled along with him before setting himself down on the workout bench. His actions faltered, and he slowly observed the mirror in front of him, raising his eyebrows in amusement.Â
âUh, donât look now, but I think that girl is staring at you,â Seongho tilted his head in the girlâs direction and Wonwoo couldnât be more confused.Â
âHuh? Are you sure it's me theyâre looking at and not you?âÂ
âIâm serious! You should go talk to her,â Seongho grinned, pushing his younger brother in the direction of the girl who was supposedly eyeing Wonwoo.Â
âHyung!â Wonwoo calls out but it falls on deaf ears as his older brother begins his bench presses.Â
Wonwoo turns towards the girl in the most awkward way humanly possible. He was completely dumbfounded and not sure what to do in the situation heâd been put in. The girl who was staring at him waved flirtatiously, and before he could even think about his next move, his feet had begun to move on their own accord.Â
âHi, I saw you working out over there, are you new here?â she asked him, batting her eyelashes.Â
âUhm, I guess? Iâm only here for the summer though,â he spoke with apprehension, because what the hell was he even supposed to say?Â
âOh! Me too. My name is Haein, by the way.â Haeinâs smile reached her eyes as she giggled, and her hand extended to shake Wonwooâs.Â
Wonwooâs actions were practically robotic, rubbing his sweaty palms on his gym shorts before taking her hand in his. He remembers thinking about how soft her hands were, and how pretty she looked with her hair tied up in a messy bun.Â
âIâm Wonwoo.âÂ
âWonwoo, hmm, thatâs a cute name. But I think I would like it more in my contacts,â she flirted shamelessly, her fingers squeezing his sweaty bicep.Â
Wonwooâs mind short-circuited, and he took out his phone from his pocket so fast it almost slipped out of his grasp. Haein found it endearing though, and happily gave him her phone number.Â
They talked for the rest of Wonwoo's time at the gym and promised to hang out more before they both went home at the end of the summer.Â
To put it simply, Wonwoo was on cloud nine for the first time since heâs been here. Suddenly his aunt Seo-Ahâs words werenât so hurtful, his confidence had skyrocketed, plus he had a beautiful girl to talk to for the rest of his vacation.Â
By the end of summer, Wonwoo started to miss you less and less. Even though he still saw you as his best friend, he began to find peace in other things, like the fresh air that breezed through his fingers or the scent of the salty water misting its way onto the shore of his hometown. Finally, for the first time in his life, Wonwoo felt serene, and that made him a little more whole than he was when he first landed in Changwon.Â
âŠ
The after-effects of Wonwooâs surprisingly pleasant summer vacation hadnât worn off just yet. The gift of Haein appearing in his life seemed to just keep on giving. Not only did she live overseas, she had told him that she was actually from the same city as him. It was a little hard to believe at first as if he was the main character in a cheesy rom-com, but he couldnât find it in him to complain. Haein made him feel wanted, excited, and cared for.Â
Wonwoo wasnât entirely devoid of those feelings, especially with you as his best friend, but it was different coming from Haein. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was going to throw up, in a good way of course, but she also boosted his confidence. He liked that she made him feel like he was a man worth depending on.Â
Haein was his first real relationship, and although he was still young, he could see himself being with her for a long time.Â
âŠ
Quite like the seasons, Wonwooâs feelings for Haein changed drastically by the time school was back in session. Although he and Haein lived in the same city, there was a lot more than just distance that separated them.Â
Six months into their relationship, Wonwoo began to doubt himself. He was less eager to meet her or even text her. He could only blame himself for how things turned out with Haein. Despite his adolescence, he believed he loved her; he just got tired and disinterested.Â
On a subconscious level, Wonwoo could not stop comparing Haein to you, and as fucked up as that was, it was completely out of his control. Why didnât Haein ever want to talk about what Wonwoo was interested in? Why did she seem bored out of her mind when he would delve into his theories about his favourite shows? Or anything about himself and what he liked. As though she didnât see him for the Wonwoo he was, the personality he had behind his looks.Â
âIt all makes sense now! Eren had Zeke fooled!â Wonwoo couldnât contain his excitement about the newest episode, but Haein didnât seem interested in hearing her boyfriend geek out.Â
âI'm sorry babe, but I gave up after the first episode,â Haein sighed into the phone, and if Wonwoo could guess, she was probably picking at her cuticles out of boredom. âI just didnât get anything that was happening.âÂ
âWait, really?â He was a little offended, how could she not be obsessing over the beautiful intricacies of his favourite anime? Wonwoo didnât understand.Â
He didnât understand because when he introduced you to the show, you texted him the next day saying you were caught up to where he had left off. It amazed Wonwoo how fast you were at binge-watching shows, especially because he had told you about it on a weekday.Â
You came into school the morning after with dark circles under your eyes, but even with that tired look on your face, you ran up to him with so much eagerness while thanking him for urging you to watch his favourite show. You two were obsessed and never missed out on watching the weekly episodes together. It had become you and Wonwooâs thing, and even though he wanted Haein to join in on the fun, he found himself more entertained by your theories than by talking on the phone with his girlfriend.Â
It dawned on him that he wished that Haein acted a little more like you. And it made him feel guilty. He knew he shouldâve loved Haein no matter her interests, but he wanted someone who could understand his nerdy side. And that was only something that you were able to do.Â
âHonestly, Iâm really tired, Iâm gonna go to bed now okay?â Haeinâs voice brought Wonwoo out of his thoughts.Â
âOh okay. Night.â He said before ending the call so quickly that Haeinâs âI love youâ was cut off mid-sentence.Â
Haein probably had thought he had forgotten, but Wonwoo just didnât want to say those words if he didnât mean it. He had grown annoyed, and a little bored of practically talking to a wall all night. Â
Comparable to the light switching off in his bedroom, he decided to do the same thing with Haein. He pushed his guilt aside and decided it was probably best to leave Haein and Changwon in the past. The memories of his last week of summer with her would become something he would look back on in the future and smile. But he didnât want to pretend any longer, it wouldâve just hurt her more if he stayed, he couldnât help that he fell out of love with her. The least he could do was not lead her on.Â
Wonwooâs relationship with Haein was merely a catalyst and a peek into what the rest of his relationships were going to look like in adulthood. He was never able to comprehend why he couldnât keep feelings for anyone after the six-month mark, and it almost frustrated him. Something was missing in every single relationship he had been in, and he wasnât sure what that was. But he was determined to find an answer.Â
three, present time.
The answer was you. But of course, Wonwoo didnât know that.Â
âAre you gonna keep checking your phone every five minutes or are you gonna do your homework?â Mingyu lectures him.Â
The two were studying in the library before their stats midterm, but Wonwooâs mind couldnât help but wonder. He hasnât been acting like himself since the night of Seokminâs party.Â
âOh, right.â Wonwoo clears his throat, putting his phone face down on the table.Â
Wonwoo drags his palms against his face, trying to not let sleep overtake him. It is not his fault that every time he tries to close his eyes, your face comes into his mind. The memory of you smiling with Seokmin made his insides twist. He hasnât seen you smile that hard in a while, and he almost misses how your eyes crinkle whenever you do so. You were practically haunting him and he had no idea how to make it stop.Â
âNot to be rude, but youâve been looking like shit lately. Whatâs wrong?â Mingyu questions him with furrowed eyebrows.Â
Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his friend, he didnât have to be insulted to know how crappy he looked, but Mingyu seemed to only be telling the truth. Wonwoo did look and feel like shit. With the amount of near run-ins heâs had with you and Seokmin on campus, heâs begun to sense that itâs some sort of karma. Whatever that karma may be for, he fully believes that itâs completely unwarranted.Â
Forcing a hand through his dark locks, Wonwoo contemplates whether or not he should just go up to you in person and demand answers. Itâs uncommon for the two of you to fight, or ignore each other for that matter. But he canât help but presume that if he were to confront you about your silence, there would be no rightful explanation. Or at least not the explanation that he wants from you.Â
Every time he even fathoms the thought of barging into your apartment and asking what the hell is wrong, thereâs a lingering nervousness that he wishes would dissipate, leading him to lay awake with his thoughts for hours on end.Â
âThanks for that, asshole, I just havenât been getting much sleep,â Wonwoo huffs.Â
âOkay, obviously. You practically look like a zombie with the way youâve been moping around. What has been keeping you up?â Mingyu presses.Â
Itâs not every day that Wonwoo indulges in his problems with Mingyu, thatâs what you were for. However, he canât talk about his problems about you, to you, so heâll have to settle for the next best thing. Â
âY/N has been ignoring me since the night we all hung out at Seokminâs,â Wonwoo confesses, and it feels nice.Â
For the past two weeks, heâs been keeping his frustrations to himself, and now that he can freely speak about it lifts the weight off his chest.Â
Mingyu snorts, obviously finding his friendâs situation humorous. Wonwoo sneers at Mingyuâs reaction, clearly not finding anything about you ignoring him funny.Â
âServes you right, youâre a dick to her, man.â Mingyu shrugs without any remorse to spare.Â
âWhat?â Wonwoo sputters, since when was he a dick to you? His best friend?Â
âHow blind are you? You have glasses and everything but you canât see how mean you are to her sometimes? Really?â Mingyu almost sounds offended on your behalf as he stares at Wonwoo with an incredulous expression.Â
âI am not a dick to her. She would definitely tell me if Iâve ever said something to hurt her feelings,â Wonwoo defends himself.Â
Attempting to rack his brain of all your moments together, he canât seem to pick out a memory where he has been especially rude to you. Of course, you two teased each other from time to time, but he wasnât a complete asshole. He knew when to not take a joke too far or purposely try to upset you.Â
âYouâre a dumbass.â Mingyu lets out a frustrated sigh which only aggravates Wonwoo even more.Â
âCould you stop with the insults for one second and just tell me whatâs going on?âÂ
Shutting his laptop, Mingyuâs posture becomes serious, a deviation from his usual carefree and smiley self. He cares about you just as much as the next person, so if he had to reality-check his friend, then so be it.Â
âShe cares about you a lot. And you treat her like shit. Itâs not about what youâve said to her, itâs your actions. Ever since we were in high school all youâve done is use her to solve your problems. I canât even blame her for wanting to cut you off. I donât know what happened at Seokminâs place for her to realize that, but you donât deserve her,â Mingyu confesses.Â
Soaking up each word that left Mingyuâs mouth, Wonwoo sat in a pool of perplexity. There are so many questions flying through his mind, yet he canât seem to utter a single word. Is that really how everyone perceives his friendship with you?Â
Wonwoo is going to throw up. There's a tightness in his chest and a burning sensation behind his eyes. He wants nothing more than to hear all of this coming from you, not Mingyu. The frustration of wanting to talk to you about this is taking a toll on him, he doesnât want to believe that Mingyu is telling the truth.Â
Itâs not fair. Itâs not fair that Mingyu gets to know these things about you while Wonwoo is just left in the dark. Did he make you feel like you couldnât tell him anything?Â
Ever since Wonwoo met you, it was evident that he can be quite merciless when it comes to his relationships, but thatâs romantic, not platonic. Wonwoo was convinced that he treated you equally because thatâs how it's supposed to be.Â
Hearing Mingyu talk about his friendship with you in that way caused Wonwooâs whole world to crash down. And the only thing he can do in moments like these is seek out your comfort, except he canât anymore. Not only has he been a terrible friend without realizing it, but heâs pushed you so far to the brink that youâd rather ignore him than attempt to hash out whatâs been troubling you.
âI-I didnât know that's how you guys saw our friendship,â Wonwoo falters, clearly taken aback, and still attempting to fully comprehend whatâs been said to him.Â
âItâs not that we see your friendship with her that way, it is that way. If I was her, I wouldâve cut you off a long time ago.âÂ
âWell, thanks, Gyu. I feel like this couldâve been said before she started ignoring me,â Wonwoo huffs, trying to come up with the words to explain his side.
âIt was kinda obvious, man,â Mingyu shrugs.Â
âWas it, though? If I had known, I wouldâve at least tried to be better,â Wonwoo attests, tired of feeling like the bad guy.Â
âHow about you just talk to her about it instead of sulking,â Mingyu suggests.Â
Desperation hijacked his rational thinking, making Mingyuâs advice sound plausible. Talking to you seemed out of the equation since you started ignoring him; he feared you wouldnât even answer if he tried to call or show up at your door. But he canât go on like this, especially now that he knows there is more to your friendship than he had initially thought.Â
four.Â
For the first time in Wonwooâs life, heâs unsure about what decision to make. Although he wants nothing more than to knock on your door, his feet stop him from even entering your building. So instead of mucking up the courage to talk to you face to face, he waits inside his car. Without a solid plan, he continues to sit there, biding his time.Â
Never has he acted so pathetic in his life, not even for the sake of his relationships. He knows that nothing will come from sitting there, just watching, but before he can even comprehend what he is doing and where he is going, he is already across the street from your place.Â
Gripping on the leather of his steering wheel, he just couldnât help himself. He canât help but watch your silhouette from your window. The curtains are drawn, but there are glimpses of you walking around. Heâs such a fucking loser. What type of person has Wonwoo become that he resorts to stalking you from the front of your building?Â
After all that Mingyu has enlightened him on, Wonwooâs attitude has become less angry and more apologetic. There was a line he pondered crossing, and it practically mocked him. Stepping over that line would mean getting answers from you, demanding to be brought into the light that you had snuffed out from under him. But his uncertainty of the outcome outweighed his decision to do so.
That same apologetic attitude died a fiery death after watching Seokmin leave your apartment. There you were in all your glory, the tiny sleep set clinging onto your body as the wind forced its way into the door of your building. Then there was Seokmin, grinning like a fucking idiot as he waved goodbye.Â
âShit!â Wonwoo grunts as he ducks down, not wanting to blow his cover. His car was visible from where the two of you stood, hoping that you werenât able to recognize it in the dead of night. Â
Boring holes into the back of Seokminâs head, Wonwoo's guilt diminished, floating away with the cold night breeze. You were fine, and he shouldâve known that the root of all his problems started with the name Lee Seokmin.Â
The shape of your figure had faded into the confines of your building. Yet Wonwoo can still make out your body through the glass window of your door. He canât help but gawk at your skimpy attire, your ass practically on display for the whole world to see. The deathly twist in his gut intensifies the more he ponders on what may have happened during Seokminâs visit. Wonwoo desperately wants to stop thinking about the possibilities, especially because your lack of clothing only fueled that inferno inside his mind.Â
Heâs never been more annoyed at Seokmin in his entire life, not until today.Â
Wonwoo allowed himself to ignore the signs, but only for a moment. But this, this he canât ignore. Not after what he witnessed. He allowed himself to stay ignorant when it came to your silence because he had been so naive to think that it was your decision. Now that he knows Seokmin had somehow weaselled his way closer to you, Wonwoo had to make sure this plan of his didnât go on any longer.Â
âŠ
There is a heat inside Wonwoo that, for some reason, he cannot extinguish. The curve and outlines of your body burn in the back of his retinas. No matter how many times heâs tried to put himself to sleep, the image of you is clear as day in his mind. Sparks crawl their way up his spine, and he desperately wishes that it would just go away.Â
Thereâs a point where Wonwoo gave up on trying to sleep altogether. Thoughts of you, your body, and the oh-so-painful reminder that youâre still ignoring him. How can he sleep with everything going on? What made things worse, was the fact that the one person he wanted to call most likely wouldnât pick up.
Wonwoo wasnât the type of person to let his emotions get the better of him, but this abrupt rift that has been torn between you two has him acting out in ways heâs never acted before.Â
The urge to grab his phone, to text you, to give it one more try, grows perpetually every second he lies awake.Â
One more time. One more attempt. What does he have to lose?Â
Wonwoo stands up, pacing around nonsensically, trying to think of what to say. For all he knows, you may not even answer, but there is the urge to hear your voice one more time and see your name pop up on his screen. Wonwoo yearns for you so much so that it supersedes any part of common sense he has left in him.Â
[12:52 a.m.]Â [wons <3: darling. can we talk? please?]Â [not delivered]Â
The silence within the four walls of Wonwooâs bedroom is harrowing. Out of all the outcomes he had considered before he texted you, the outcome of you blocking him was not even on the list.Â
Before jumping to some sort of conclusion, Wonwooâs finger hovers over the call button with skepticism. If you donât pick up, then thatâs it. That would be the definitive answer to all his qualms.Â
âThe number you have called is not available, please leave a message at the tone,â an automated voice affirmed his suspicions.Â
The notification is gut-wrenching, but he canât just sit here and pretend like itâs okay for you to do this. To decide without any of his input. What kind of friend were you to just drop him like he was nothing but an old toy? How unfair did you have to be to not even try to talk it out before you completely cut him off?Â
five.Â
Pacing outside the door of your apartment, Wonwoo hasnât been this nervous in years. He has always been so sure of himself, but itâs almost two in the morning and heâs still continuing to weigh his options.Â
Itâs either youâll let him in, and talk for the first time in almost two weeks, or youâll kick him out before he can step a foot past the door. Desperately, he desires that it be the first option. Losing you over this would break him, and not in the way you would expect.Â
Heâs already lost his mind. This shouldnât be the way you two break it off. It wonât be the way you two break it off. Not if Wonwoo has a say in the situation.Â
Sweaty palms and white knuckles rasp against the dark oak that barricades himself from you. Thereâs nothing that Wonwoo wants more than to see your face glowing in front of him. And before he can even get a word out to you, the door whips open. The person on the other side is someone Wonwoo is starting to get really sick of seeing.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Both Wonwoo and Seokmin speak in unison.Â
Scoffing, Wonwoo rolls his eyes at his so-called friend, âI think I should be asking you that. You clearly donât live here.âÂ
âMinnie? Is someone at the door?â your voice is as sweet as a glass of lemonade on a hot summerâs day.Â
Minnie. Wonwoo almost threw up in his mouth.Â
Minnie. The nickname is parallel to nails scraping against a chalkboard.Â
âYeah! Your neighbour just needed to borrow something,â Seokmin goads through a sickly sweet smile, eyes never leaving Wonwooâs. Without as much as a word of mockery, Seokminâs expression had said more than his words ever could have.Â
Despite his soft demeanour, Wonwoo knew there was something vile hiding under Seokminâs thick skin.Â
A rebuttal to his deception is on the tip of Wonwooâs tongue, but your melodic voice echoes throughout your home once more. The refute dies within his throat, and he hopes you will come out and see what your âneighbourâ is looking for.Â
âOkay!â is the only response you give out. The reverberation of the water hitting the shower tiles causes Wonwooâs stomach to practically lurch out his abdomen.Â
âWhatever youâre doing, sheâs not gonna fall for it,â Wonwoo jeered, staring at Seokmin with looks that should kill, if he could.Â
Seokmin chuckles bitterly, âShe already has.âÂ
There was no need for Wonwoo to put two and two together; he already knew what Seokmin was alluding to. It left a dreadful taste in his mouth.Â
Puffing out his chest, Wonwoo takes a step closer towards the man he once considered a close friend. Sizing him up, he knew that Seokmin was the reason for the wedge in your friendship. And Wonwoo had no problem treating him as such.Â
âYouâre fucking sick, you know that?â Wonwoo practically spits in his face.Â
âI could say the same thing for you,â Seokmin mutters, unperturbed, âI didnât have to do anything you know? Just a little push and she fell into my lap, voluntarily.âÂ
âIâm not just going to let you get away with something like this. Sheâs my best friend.âÂ
âI think the correct tense is was. She was your best friend,â Seokmin taunted.Â
He was wrong about Seokmin. Even though he had known about his friend's crush on you for years, Wonwoo didnât expect the lengths Seokmin would go to in order to cut him out of the picture.Â
Before a breath could even escape his lips, Seokmin cuts him off, âI think itâs time for you to leave. She doesnât want to see you.â
The last few words that he heard come out of Seokminâs mouth nearly fell on deaf ears. It was practically a whisper, laced with enough malice to almost kill the fighting spirit inside him. Almost.Â
âBy the way, donât text her anymore. Iâve made sure she wonât get any more notifications from you.âÂ
The realization had struck Wonwoo hard. He knew you well enough that you wouldnât just block him so carelessly, without a word no less. Yet he was no match for Seokmin, not after the fact that you allowed him into your home, your heart, so willingly.Â
âŠ
Lying in wait, Wonwoo observes the door of your building once more. The distinct difference this time was that Wonwoo had no guilt left in him to care. Whether you see him or his car across the street didnât matter to him anymore. The only thing Wonwoo wanted to make sure of was whether or not Seokmin would be leaving your place.Â
After what had felt like hours, he watched the same scene from last night unfold in front of him once more. The abhorrent hug goodbye that is exchanged between you and Seokmin is nothing but a cue for Wonwoo to make his move.
With as much grace as a bull in a china shop, he slams the car door shut, not even bothering to lock it before he stalks his way to your apartment. The anticipation caused the hairs on his neck to stand straight up. As he presses the button to your floor, he can only deliberate whether any of Seokminâs words hold any truth behind them.
 Certainly not, right? Not after all the years you spent together. His friendship with you couldnât end on this vague note. You were always the sentimental type, holding onto trinkets, memories, and even people for far too long. It should be the same with Wonwoo; he believed it would be the same.Â
If there is a chance, you should allow him to talk and voice his opinion. No, Wonwoo will voice his opinion; there has never been a time when you havenât let him speak.Â
As the elevator ascends to your floor, anxiety begins to weigh down his shoulders. The feeling is atypical and Wonwoo hates how his throat constricts. He hates how his clothes feel too tight and stuffy despite his casual attire. Is this how it feels? To actually care about someone and whether their decisions might affect him later on?Â
Footsteps echo within the hallway, and with each step he takes, the illusion steadily becomes more vivid. Your front door almost looks like itâll take a mile before Wonwoo can reach it, rather than a few feet away.Â
After what felt like years, Wonwoo stands before the entrance of your home once more. The foreboding tension wonât vanish and itâs starting to make him itch. Without another thought, Wonwoo forces himself to knock on the door knowing itâll be you who answers this time, not Seokmin.Â
âMinnie? Did you leave something agaiâ,â Abrupt silence engulfs your words, leaving nothing but an echo to resonate within the expanse of your long hallway.
âWonwooâŠâ your voice falters, like you genuinely didnât expect to see him, let alone have him standing outside your door.Â
âDid you fuck him?â Wonwoo cuts to the chase, not leaving any room for you to ask questions.Â
His blunt words caused a frown to grace your soft pink lips, and Wonwoo almost felt bad for being so frank. But he doesnât have time to beg for your forgiveness, the anger surmounting to nothing but harsh words and a push past you and into your home.Â
âDid you fuck him? Yes or no?â Wonwoo continues to press you for answers, agitated that you have the audacity to stand there dumbfounded. As if you donât know who he's talking about. âCâmon, you know who Iâm talking about,â he can almost laugh at the situation in front of him.Â
How is it that all the rage he built up for Seokmin is being taken out on you? Wonwoo had no clue, but the thought of his friend-now-enemy defiling you, tasting you, while Wonwoo desperately waited for your call caused him to direct all his anger to you. Perhaps itâs undeserving to do so, but Wonwooâs frustration spoke for him before his brain could even register what he was saying.Â
âThe past two weeks youâve been ignoring me, spending your time with him, do you know where his true intentions lie?â Wonwoo continues to rant with unpreparedness.Â
He didnât plan what he was going to say because there was a moment of doubt, he had expected you to open the door just to slam it right back in his face. The look you gave him almost brought him to his knees. Your doe-eyed expression couldâve broken down every wall heâs built if only he hadnât let his anger proceed him.Â
Wonwoo shouldâve cried, to plead for you to take him back. To go back to the way things were. He knew he fucked up the moment he uttered a single word. The hurt flashed across your face as though Wonwoo turned your world upside down.Â
âSeokmin doesnât care about you, and Iâll tell you that now because you need to hear it. He just wants to fuck you! And you just gave that to him?â He canât stop talking.Â
âStop. Just stop fucking talking Wonwoo. Do you hear yourself right now?â You cut off his rant. âOut of all people, who gave you the right to tell me who I can and cannot fuck? Especially knowing the type of person that you are. It doesnât matter if Seokmin and I had sex. What matters is the fact that you think you can barge in here at two-thirty in the morning interrogating me over a situation that doesnât involve you.âÂ
âNo. Iâm just trying to help you. Seokmin isnât the person that you think he is,â Wonwoo seethes, annoyed at how youâre twisting his words.Â
The bile in his throat rose further, as you stood before him like he had just kicked your dog. Wonwooâs extremely aware of the hole he had dug for himself, but he couldnât stop. His urge to self-sabotage overrides his common sense.Â
âThat is exactly what weâre not going to do right now. Seokmin has been a better friend to me than you have been in all the years weâve known each other. I have been by your side for years, bending over backwards. I was at your beck and call and Iâm tired. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself about you. I fell in love with my best friend, and the worst part was that you didnât care enough to notice.Â
âI gave up so much for you, Wonwoo. I lost myself trying to please you. But I give up. I was drowning in my love for you. It consumed every part of me to the point I couldnât even come up for air. And Iâm just sick of it. I know thereâs a part of you that cares about me too, but itâll never be equal. Iâll always love you more than you love me, and I donât want to feel this way anymore.âÂ
âWhat hurts me the most, is that you thought it would be okay to accuse me of things I didnât even do. I did not sleep with Seokmin, but why is that what you care about? He respects me and just wants to be there for me. And thatâs a lot more than I could ever say about you.âÂ
Your voice was terrifyingly calm, with neither a lilt nor a hiccup during your speech. The heft of your declaration crashed back down onto Wonwoo, leaving him at a loss for words.Â
âIâm sorry,â is the first thing to come out of his mouth after a long pause.Â
âPlease. Itâs late, you should go home,â you sigh, but Wonwoo couldnât move an inch. He refused.Â
âIâm sorry,â he repeats himself, looking into your eyes, searching for the look of endearment you had always given him.Â
âWonwooâŠâ there it is. Your voice had broken for the first time since Wonwoo stepped foot in the place.Â
âPlease. Iâm so fucking sorry. For getting angry, for doubting you, for not realizing how badly you were hurting,â Wonwoo resorted to pleading.Â
A look of desperation mixed with agony was the only thing you could exchange for his apologies.
The stare of grief you had given him caused a shooting pain to swell throughout his limbs. The one that begins at his fingertips, creeping up to tug at the strings that held his heart together. He wanted this nightmare to end, and he was sure you did too.Â
âItâs time for you to go. Iâm tired, Wonwoo.â A single tear slips and trickles down your cheek.Â
He regrets not wiping it away for you at that moment. It was the first time he had been so unsure of his actions. So, instead, he walked out of your apartment, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of his cologne and a piece of his heart.Â
Wonwoo's world was crumbling underneath him, and there was only one person he refused to let go of. He shouldâve known.
He shouldâve known that you were in front of him this whole damn time.
end of act one.
âč a/n: if you liked this story pls dont be afraid to let me know thru a reblog, comment or ask! also a big ty to my beshies forever @vapidlynn and @bunnyjjongie who i've texted multiple times in the wee hours of the morning for reassurance abt this thing hehe.
#lola's recs <3#yall#this is easily one of the best wonwoo fics i ever read#i love it so much#can't wait to read part 2!!
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After 19 years, they finally let Shadow use a gun again.
Let's. Fucking. GOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!
Im gonna be for real with you guys, I'm cautiously optimistic about this movie. Because on one hand, everything to do with Shadow and Adventure 2 looks absolutely spectacular and everything i wanna see out of an adaptation of an IP that I hold near and dear.
But.... when this blue fucker talks... UGH.
"Somebody better call Google Maps."
"Konichi-whaaaaat?"
"Trickshot!"
"Dude... I'm standing right here."
"Okay he took us all at once."
SHUT UP!!!!! GOD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! SONIC DOESN'T TALK LIKE THIS!!!! HE NEVER DID!!! CAN YOU STOPPPP!!!! Sonic is a guy who knows when to take shit seriously but always has a feeling of fun around him. He's like "aww yeah bring it on! Let's go!" He's not making references to fucking god damn google maps or olive garden.
"But it's an adaptation and they are gonna make changes." And I think those changes fucking suck and movie Sonic feels barely anything like game Sonic. Movie Tails is fine, movie Knuckles is okay and it's clear that they mixed in a lot of different elements across his appearances into a single character, movie Eggman is good because it's fucking Jim Carrey, and movie Shadow looks absolutely phenomenonal... but Sonic? No man... nuh uh...
Knuckles is written perfectly decently and I liked the Detective Pikachu joke because it sorta makes sense and fits because they are in Japan and Tails is a fluffy yellow creature. But everything to do with Sonic is just... no. Stop. Enough. God damn.
Im not saying Sonic can't have fun and can't make jokes, I'm just saying that they need to handle it better, because one of my least favourite things in media is when you have something with a lot of emotions and personal stuff that's so intriguing and interesting, and it gets undermined and trampled over by awful jokes.
It's like this movie is being written by two different writing teams, one team that loves Sonic and the Adventure titles, and another team who's just a bunch of Hollywood writers that have been fed a diet of mediocre action comedy movies and Joss Whedon movies.
I really wanna fully love what I'm seeing here, but I can't ignore the blue stain that's bringing it down....
Im also really worried about what they are gonna do with Gerald Robotnik but I have a feeling that Eggman is slowly gonna realise that Gerald is more crazy than he first thought and that there's gonna be a twist in the movie. There HAS to be one and we're gonna see the insane Gerald we know from SA2, right?.... RIGHT?!??!! I HOPE SO!!! OR ELSE IM GONNA GET REALLY MAD!
Sorry if I seem negative, I'm just voicing my opinions and i don't want others to get swept up in the hype and think that this movie is gonna be a masterpiece and have their thoughts muffled. Because this movie won't be a masterpiece, no movie can be.
Im not saying that if you are excited for this movie then you're a dummy, fuck no, IM EXCITED TOO!!! I GREW UP WITH THE BLUE RAT! IM A LONG TIME FAN!! BUT IM ALSO REALLY NERVOUS!!
All I'm hoping for is that I walk out of the theatre and I feel satisfied and happy. I dont wanna feel mixed, I don't wanna feel like my time has been wasted, I wanna feel like this movie is fucking great. And I'm praying with all of my damn heart that it is.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic movie#sonic movie 3#shadow the hedgehog#shadow the ultimate lifeform#all hail shadow#tails the fox#miles tails prower#knuckles the echidna#dr eggman#maria robotnik#i am all of me#sonic adventure 2#gerald robotnik
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Maybe itâs not that Pixlriffs didnât wear the crown in season one, itâs that he couldnât. And he still canât.
âMaybe the Archaeologist of the Ancient Capital and the curator of the Museum was⊠a piece of the past himself all alongâ
#pixlriffs#empires smp#esmp#my post#RAHHHH pixlriffs makes me brainrot so much#the copper king is always near and dear to my thoughts and i know i am not the only one out there that headcanons the archaeologist to be#the same person#pixlriffs himself said on twitter he loves the headcanon that heâs immortal#if heâs taking steps to imply that ?? in canon??#i dont want to get my hopes up but MY GOD. MAN.
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Hello!
If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?
There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?
OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts
No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:
This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.
Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning
Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.
And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!
Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)
This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that
#not art#admin answers#paranatural#pnat#richard spender#pts-fic-notes-and-blog#before i continue on with tag ramble i just want to say tysm for leaving an ask!#none of my friends read this so ive been stewing on these thoughts for some months and i loved finally sharing them#this isn't exactly proof but the hijack possession seemingly being the final nail in the coffin for his and isabel's relationship.#idk it feels significant to me. thats one more tether to support kinda gone. someone who knows him well enough to know he's unwell#he seems not exactly content but fr incapable of not burning bridges as he is now. and considering how rashly he acts he REALLY needs those#to not do stupid shit all the god damn time with no buffer other than Lucifer. who for his measured approach to rick's hotheadedness#has honestly shown himself to be pretty lenient and kinda bad at controlling spender's more (self) destructive tendencies? so he dont count#to be clear i love spender to bits but he is dumb as rocks and has all the self preservation of a fruit fly. it needs to be said#also the lightning man... idk its WEIRD like especially on the reread its the thing that most consistently threatens him! it repeats#sure he gets chewed by a bat and banged up by forge but?? he somehow always comes back to lightning. catnine has it out for him#its something i didnt even really put together until i continued reading the flashback chapter AFTER getting this ask and went OHHHGNHF#which the only reason lightning is such a non issue is lucifer's powers. which belong to his sunglasses and not to the spirit in him#so its not like they can't be taken away he's just got a really good excuse for having those on all the time#TAGS GETTING SO LONG. ANYWAYS. i hope this is comprehensible lol
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Kalos fans are finally winning after 10 long years im gonna cry
#pokemon#pokemon day#i hope these tags cover it up??#BUT IM SO EXCOITED IM CRYING. I LOVE KALOS IT WAS MY FIRST GAME...#10 long years of defending this game and praying gamefreak comes back to give it what it deserves#bcuz the og games while fun imo had a barely skeleton of a story and zygarde wasnt even USED man#they clearly wanted to do so much with the game but as the first 3D game AND after bw it was in a really awkward spot#god ive seen what youve done for others [legends arceus] PLEASE DONT LET LEGENDS Z FLOPPP#PLEASE LET NATIVE KALOS POKEMON GET MEGAS NOW. god that was the most fucked up part of the og games#ugh i have so many thoughts abt kalos i really do hope theyve learned from this last decade and do XYZ right
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could âgo about finding someone for meâ and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always âwhat will people say?â#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said âit's important that you settle downâ#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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hhhhhrrrrngggggggg
#man bdubs does inspire me a lot#on personal taste his current city isnt my favourite but thats solely based on my aesthetic preferences#but i am in awe of his dedication to techniques#and his skills#and it fills me with a longing for the future#when im older and more practiced and exploring creatively but having the history to back it up#i want to make i want to make i want to make i want to make#and what he said about taking pride in your work#its weird to grow up posting your art on the internet#it changes how you feel about your work#i dont know#just i cant wait to be middle aged and i cant wait to create create create create create create#sometimes i get sad imagining that if i died tomorrow i will have never made what i could#alongside other things idk#life is annoying as hell but god knows i want to be older#what he said about pride. man#i dont know i hate my current build because i never feel like its good enough#i love it and i love being in it but it makes me feel sick even though i love it#its my thing to work on#i think also. how perfect it is makes me feel sick#i started it when i began getting into solarpunk and man. our world isnt that#but its also amazing and i get to create create create create create create create create create create create create#i hope one day i can share my works deeper. i want to be able to talk about art like Bdubs does#i want to be able to talk and have people listen#i want to create create create create create create
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am i allowed to have not great teeth if i just ask really niceys
#re: my teeth theres one specific part of my gums between two teeth that sometimes gets really oof ouchie and im worriedddd#for the past . idk man few months? longer? ive been making sure to floss well every night#i KNOW i should be flossing in the morning or probably more accurately sometime after lunch however i cant do either bc#i don't have time in the morning but really actually maybe i should make time . eegh .#and i cant floss after lunch bc my eating schedule is fucked and i dont actually sit down and eat everything at one time#wish i could! but alas my fucked up eating schedule related to my job#anyway maybe ill start flossing in the morning too idk#im just so . eugh . i have a dentist appointment in a little over a month from now#and im supposed to get x rays which i already am Dreading bc theyre so Awful for me#but im worried theyre gonna find that ive got gum issues or something and like good god man i dont want surgery#also knock on wood i dont think this will happen but im hoping i don't find out i need my remaining wisdom teeth pulled or anything#dont wanna go through that again but oh well just more pinpricks in the tapestry of life. but ive gotta say my hand is sure hurting
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Man oni can't do this to me I'm supposed to be preparing for artfight but all I can think abt is Themâą from the second I wake up to the moment I go to bed how am I supposed to prepare in these circumstances đ
#rat rambles#oni posting#and dude the beta is probably still going to be going during that time klei how could you do this to me#like I will still be participating in artfight but I fear Ill be on oni lockdown for the first week or smth dhskdhkdh#Ill try to at least sketch some stuff out but god if I can get my hands onto any amount of lore its so jover#now thats not a guarantee this is a beta after all but god man. fuck.#also I need to know the new dupes name right now its important#mostly because I want confirmation that I got z on the cypher right lol#chances are theyll just have another a name or smth#who knows maybe theyll have a w name and be the second ever contender for being sent to the constant#although for all we know there could be plenty more w names in the cast that are just hidden in the full names like with nails#I am in such agony rn with seemingly every place ppl post abt oni being dead silent still hello is anyone there#I thought Id at least see some more speculative stuff on the gameplay side of things but Ive seen like 2 things where ppl even bring it up#tbf some of the new stuff seems pretty obvious to deduce to me like there's no way the new fox deers dont produce lumber#and we already know the bunny guys (or the big one at least) provides reed fiber at least#the plants are mostly more mysterious tho#we have the obvious one being our new bestie the oxylite plant and the lil puffball tree thats probably the new decor plant#and the crystal grapes are probably going to be a new muckroot equivalent and at least one of the new plants probably produces smth edible#as for what recourses they need we know that at least 2 of them need watered in some way#Im currently betting theyll need ethanol but thats not based on a lot#honestly if any of them use plain ol water or even any water variants Ill be surprised#I wouldn't be surprised if most of them take ethanol or some liquid gas or smth#I still am holding out on a plant that consumed liquid carbon dioxide but Im not too hopeful#one thing Im very curious on is just everything abt how the oxylite plant grows I wanna know how good itll be so bad#because I am a proud member of the desperately wants more viable oxygen production option in oni gang and I wanna see this baby flourish#but based on how seemingly abundant it is Im afraid itll just join the squad of early game oxygen options that become too much of a hassle#to sustain late game so you're usually just going to switch to exlectroliszers each time#I hope Im wrong but I wont be surprised if Im not#they already took one oxygen plant out back and shot it dead so this guy might just be a corpse on arival if we're unlucky#well hey thats why there's a beta ig gotta make sure things are balanced or whatever
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There's this scene I would love to see in season 3 but it probably won't happen:
Somewhere in the midst of episodes 4-5, when there's the final calling, all of Metatron's actions are set into motion and the Second Coming is hours away.
Aziraphale, still in Heaven, walks to a door that hasn't opened to him in millennia and stands in front of it. There's no nameplate, but everyone knows who sits behind the door. His steps echo in the empty hallway. He knocks on the door.
"Hello," Aziraphale begins nervously, plastering on a smile, "it-it's me. Aziraphale. Currently the Supreme Archangel, former Angel of the Eastern Gate. But you knew that, of course. You know everything."
He keeps twisting the ring on his finger. "Er, You see. It's about the Second Coming. I was just thinking. I mean, it's all going to Plan. Almost. It's happening now. All those years of working."
He takes a deep breath. "The thing is, they're going to destroy the Earth in the process. The whole of humanity, all the creatures like the gorillas and the whales and-" His voice cracks, remembering a conversation of long ago. "My point is, they're getting destroyed and- and I thought, You couldn't possibly want that. After all, You created them, You built these creatures and filled them with your love, and surely You don't want them destroyed?"
The door remains silent. There's no wind here, everything is unnaturally still. Aziraphale tries to keep his smile from fading. "There must be a reason You created them other than destruction. There must be. Otherwise-"
His breath hitches, and the words are almost swallowed down again, but they have been hidden away for too long. "Otherwise, what was the point of all this? To create the Earth, the Universe, only to destroy it a few thousand years later? What was the point of letting humanity thrive for centuries? What is the point in me still being an angel, when others deserve it more than me? Why did you let him Fall?"
The words come out wretched, broken, a question he didn't even dare to entertain for all these years. But he has nothing to lose now. Not when everything he loves is so close to being destroyed forever.
The door doesn't answer. There's not even a hint of the presence behind it. No sign that he was being heard at all. He takes a breath, steeling himself.
"I have been by Crowley's side since the Universe was created," he says, slow and measured, "I will not stop being by his side now. If he does not wish to come to where I am, I will go to where he is."
Aziraphale looks at the door, determination set behind his eyes. "Nothing will stop me." The You will not stop me either was firmly implied.
"I-I will be taking my leave, then." He feels like he's saying goodbye for the final time. Strangely enough, he doesn't feel upset. It feels like he's finally found his footing.
Taking a last look at the unmoving door, he turns back and walks away, where he is needed. As his footsteps fade away, there's a slight whoosh in the room, a chime that sounds like 'well done', though nobody hears it.
#i dont think this is the direction s3 will take#but i really cant get the idea of aziraphale wanting to talk to god again out of my mind#he looks so wistful in the job minisode#also the really hopeful look he has when he contacts heaven in s1e4#right before metatron shows up#what if he tries to skip the middle man#there are so many possibilities#good omens#gos2 spoilers#coldace thoughts#gos2
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trigun twitter blows like actually fucking sucks ass like actually eats shit like good god what a cesspit. what a fucking travesty how those people live and consume media, twitter fandoms continue losing, seethe, rot, fester, youre all doomed
#sorry idk why i turned into an evil wizard at the end there#but fr trigun twitter fucking sucks its so bad good lord what a sad little life jane#those mfs will say 'i hate when ppl fetishise and feminise vash' to mean ppl draw him with a pussy and call him babygirl#and it makes them fucking seethe for some reason#like man if u want hypermasc vash with a big swangin cock u draw that u go right ahead#but ppl like the way he cries and whines and whimpers and theres fuckall u can do about that imagine getting upset over that#imagine spending ur precious free time ranting on twitter bc ppl ship fictional incest#imagine getting genuinelh passionately upset bc ppl 'dont get' media u like bc they fucking read it differently#imagine not having fun#jesus fuck its so miserable#these ppl are pathetic#jesus christmas man#what a life#god my braincells are burning#trigun twitter sucks so bad christ i hope u all get clowned on we are officially one of the worst fanbases just from how ppl act on there#actual brain damage#im shifting into hyper retard mode#god almighty#sad little people so much fucking discourse over virtually nothing#dont even get me started on the reprobates who talk about vamery like its some rancid problematic ship actually shut the fuck up kys#maim maim kill kill die die die die die#god#hate breeds hate ur all rancid#this is why im not on fandom twt it makes me so fucking angry#rancid site#rancid#putrid
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are sawashiro arakawa masato cat people or dog people (individually) GO
Arakawaâs a hard one to decide on. On one hand i can see him enjoying how quiet and relaxed cats can be, but on the other hand i can equally see him enjoy the high energy and affection that dogs can bring. Im gonna lean just a lil more on him owning a dog this time tho
Sawashiroâs def a big-dog kinda guy, probably with an indifference towards cats. Def would have one of them Scary Looking dogs but he genuinely cares for it and it isnât just kept around for show. Yk after he goes through the whole Weâre Not Keeping That Thing phase
With Masato, heâd definitely prefer a cat if he had to be around one or the other. For sure isnt a fan of dogs, esp big dogs when they can really easily topple him- not to mention how loud and messy they can be. As Aoki, heâd tolerate them better at least now that he isnât sitting all the time
#snap chats#top ten asks i spent more time than i should have thinking about#these are the questions i signed up to tumblr hoping for ok these are important#crying as i think about sawashiro and arakawa owning a dog and that dog ending up favoring sawashiro#the comedy of it all.. i want arakawa and sawashiro to try to sleep in the same bed but then This Big Fuckin Dog just worms in the middle#its the comedy of knowing arakawaâd showering that dog in love every chance he gets#while sawashiro perpetually exists like đ§ in the corner. and yet the dog still sleep on HIS sideâŠ#like the dog still love arakawa dont get it twisted⊠but big man just wanna chill with jo a liiiil moreâŠ.#adorableâŠâŠ. i just think dogs are perfect and good#see now im thinking of that movie- god i think it was called Ghost of a Chance#where nakaiâs character had a cute scene with a golden retriever UGH. my soul.#arakawaâs prob a lil more of a dog person on account of him doting on ichi ima be real LMAO#ichiâs already arakawaâs golden retriever what am i on about.. he doesnt need two dogs..
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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha
#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF#im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries#and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future#IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN#i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and#finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes#and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades#isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade#it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that#dictate every single fucking part of my life#and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb#ra and stats and calculus and cs#haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates#i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table#yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first#god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive#all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is#i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again#haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future#i hope i can still have time for hobbies#why si everyone at school so good at everything#ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent#i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states#my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo#meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day#how do i become like them#why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence#i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore
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Two medium, two topping, pizzas should not cost $50 with tip đ wtf is this shit
#marquilla#i mean mom got extra everything on hers so it was a full $7 more but like come on man đ its not even good pizza#the place that makes actual handmade pizzas with (nasty to me) Wisconsin cheese and is CHEAPER actually is carry out only#and mom said 'fuck that ill get what youre getting i guess :( '#it's $50 including the tip idk if i was clear there#i add 'please' every time i add a request lol like 'make the meat crispy please' 'side door please' bc im overly polite (try ordering at a#sit down restaurant with me ill put you to shame with all my pleases) and i just hope that we dont get a stalker delivery guy bc of that#again. we had one guy who would recognize our name on the order and volunteer to deliver it himself đŹ stopped getting it there for ab a#year at least after that hoping to wait him out...#anyway i put please after every special instruction thing bc i know they get treated like shit and i wanna not be another asshole#oh i remember why he kept delivering to us like that it was bc i said please and i put in the delivery instructions#to have a nice day or 'drive safe' and he thought that was so nice. like well im a nice person... and i want you to deliver my pizza w/o#you risking an accident trying to be quick like dominos (look up why it's no longer 30 min or less)#dominos is such nasty ass pizza too omg sgsggsgs we got it ONCE bc DogCousin likes it and god never again#it was like $70 or something for 3 people yuck id rather nasty ass papa Johns cardboard shit than that#anyway shshshhs
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I love going on Tumblr because I can't sleep hoping to get cheered up by the fandom blogs I follow and then having to clear out my following tab because my feed is nothing but "the world is ending everyone is horrible DNI list donate to the 50th person that can't afford rent".
I fully understand even making this post is hypocritical but I don't have the energy to fight with my phone constantly crashing to draw a doodle to justify the post otherwise I just wish I could find a blog that doesn't appear to be a normal art blog only to suddenly find myself overrun with depressing reblogs. Why do people actively look for and repost depressing things on the internet aren't most people nowadays complaining about being overstressed. Maybe don't search out sources of stress m8 that's the main reason I don't use Twitter or Instagram like cmon man anyway. Uh feel free to send an ask if you want me to draw something, don't reblog this post to say it because that would mean you just did not fuckin have reading comprehension at all
#im so aware my tone is dry#i cant find my earbuds so im cursed to not fall asleep and i have school tomorrow and i just wanted to see sonadow fanart man TT#and intead my carefully selected following tab is fuckin ruined because people who i LOVE their art suddenly decided to go and reblog the#idek whatever fuckin tag brings up posts about how news networks are shit and about drama and sa and just. everything ever#people can do what they want thats what tumblr is for its a personal sobox and im still friends with the people i unfollowed on discord#but i Also am allowed to do whatever the fuck i want with my soapbox so i am going to unfollow people and then get sad about it#i completely get that making a side blog just for actisivism or whatever kind of defeats the point and is stupid but thats why i just dont#fucking reblog that shit in the first place. like are you showing yohr friend at work these posts??no???why are you pushing them to others#then?? thats just how i look at it dont fuckin reblog things you wouldnt show someone in person#talk talks#literally right after i posted this another person ive been following for 1+ year started spam reblogging depressing shit god dammit what is#with people lately. i hope people stop and i can refollow them sometime in the future
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