#i dont want to be in debt in the first place but i cant do anything about that

[lovecom]

anyone else in a deadend job and has no idea what theyre doing with their life. no? just me? okay great

[dolliestfairy]

𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛. ༊ ๋ 𝆹 ׅ

Slasher headcanons with Nymph!fem!reader.

the pictures above is yet again from @fairydxlll on pinterest<3

ᖭི Character's that will be include : Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Brahms Heelshire, & Jennifer Check

ᖭི what is a nymph?

A nymph, sometimes spelled nymphe, in ancient Greek folklore is a minor female nature deity. Different from other Greek goddesses, nymphs are generally regarded as personifications of nature, are typically tied to a specific place or landform, and are usually depicted as maidens.

ᖭི Quick Explanation : you were a no human maiden that live in the forest. one time you try peeking out of your true world trying to see whats outside of it without you noticing that You've just caught the attention and curiousty of someone you shouldn't have.

ᖭི Warnings : Bo sinclair being The Bo sinclair he is. a little bit of Necrophilia [ he's fucking crazy ] reader's death in bo part. reader is naked around the woods. reader skin color is not specific. Manipulating, innocent kink (maybe?) stalking & kidnapping in brahms part. this is kinda dark. read at your own risk :) i've warned you.

ᖭི Bo Motherfucking Sinclair. ๋ 𝆹 ׅ

• first met when he was out in the town, now dont get me wrong, he actually love his town but he was just tryna break himself from his work by taking a walk in some forest outside of his town.

• after taking a walk he heard some other stepfoot coming around him from the cracks of the leaves it made. he then become wary and look around only to find the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid his eyes on. he sees you.

• you were um.. naked. but you still look pretty as fuck and it makes him overwhelmed. but his wariness is not out gone yet, so he trying to aproach you little by little step, he sees your legs were injured and he insisted to take you to the town, and yes you're accepting.

• at first, after he healed your leg injury, just like the Bo Sinclair he is, he's thinking about killing you, and after he kills you he wants to play with your body a little bit, but the second he sees you he cant help but having a symphaty once his harsh eyes meet your innocent once.

• he's trying to communicate with you, talking about you of whats happening in this town. at first he's kinda hesistant to tell you to what he have been done in this town and that he had a very very big sins and debt to pay, but after a while he manage to talk honest to you.

• and the last choice is yours, you accept him for everything he did and he let you live here. although he probably gonna use your beautiful face and he can and he WILL for sure manipulate your innocent nature to get you to do what he want you to do. but if you refuse? i suppose you're not gonna be anything but a pretty corpse.

ᖭི Vincent Vanilla Sinclair. ๋ 𝆹 ׅ

• the first time he had laid his eye on you he thinks you're one piece of an Art, A truly beautiful, masterpiece Art, and also the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

• the first time he sees you he have a feelings that you were no human because of how much beauty you had within you.

• he's flustered by your appereance, he want to talk to you but he's worry that you'll be scared by his wrecked face :(

• and yet he still tried anyway, although he kinda tell himself that she wouldnt accept him because of what he is.

• and instead, you accept him! oh he felt like that was the moment where he could feel the happiest in him. he would literally spoil you so much with jewelry, beautiful clothes, and anything that you may like from the victims, he even made a wax sculpture dedicated to you. not to mention the paper where he had been drawing you for thousands countless time.

• and different from Bo, He would NEVER use or manipulate your innocent nature. instead he want to keep it safe from every humiliating and manipulating things that exist in this world, such as his own brothers.

ᖭི Brahms Crusty Heelshire. ๋ 𝆹 ׅ

• Heelshire mansion is located literally in the middle of the forest so it probably wouldnt be that hard to find creatures like you.

• when he was on the wall he sometimes trying to get out once the mansion is quiet and silence and him was the only person left there. he trying to see from the window in the mansion to see whats going on there and here.

• When he's peeking he sees you wandering around the forest not far enough from the mansion. you're still visible so he can still see you through.

• his curious is sparkling, he wants to know who you are but he also scared to come out of the mansion (this boy..) he tried very slowly like at first he would be more likely to just watch more often in the window, trying to search your appereance, and he also start to realize that you were no human. and yet its making the curious in him more sparkling and sparkling. until he realize that you actually wandering towards the heelshire mansion! so he waits and waits until you're close enough to get catch on.

• after he catch you, he would explain by the letters that is written next to brahms doll of who he is and why you're here and what this place are and what you have to do for him to be able to live here and bla bla bla.. some sort things like that. he really want to come out of the wall and talk to you but he's just soooooo.. unsure if he would do it or not. like Vincent he's worry that he would scare you.

• so he would just see you from the back of the wall, waiting and waiting time and trust and loyalty from you to get him sure enough that he would introduce himself face to face with you.

• its just a matter of time of when this Mr.heelshire decided to couragely enough to introduce himself right in front of you. and he hope you would want to wait patiently for that moment also.

ᖭི Jennifer Badbitch Check. ๋ 𝆹 ׅ

• this woman smh.. first meeting after she just ate one of her victims in the middle of the woods, and then she found you naked wandering around the woods.

• at first she doesnt really care and she actually dont know how to react. she was kinda flustered but also confused by your nude appereance

• but after she sees you enough and she realize you're still not recognize her appereance she start shouting "Hello!" while walking towards you.

• and of course it'll flinch you. you look around and see her walking towards you. her sudden appereance will make you scared and not to mention the blood that was covering her clothes and body and mostly the part of her mouth that was covered enough blood to drip.

• she then would ask you question like "who are you?" "what are you doing?" "whats your name?" "where do you live?" and "what kind of manic girl would wondering alone in the woods with nude body besides me?" and something like that.

• at the end she would ask you if you want to come to take a bath with her in some lake around the woods. and the answer is up to you.

• if you accept, she would be so happy, and after she finds out that you're not a human either she would be more confident enough to tell you what kind of creature she is. but if you refuse? she most likely let you go, but only for a while, because the curiousty in her is sparkling enough to make her go to the woods and search for you. and i'm telling you, this woman is a determined one.

[pigeontakeover]

San Diego to enforce jail time for homeless who decline shelter services 3 times- first a notice, second a misdemeanor citation, third an arrest.

Which is insane because most shelters are full. At one point St. Vincent's had a 2 yr waitlist. Most have requirements, more than just no drugs (which tbh is hard for a lot of homeless people). A lot of them require you to attend a church service, follow a course or program (maby are christian based) and you have to keep to a curfew, which is sometimes something ridiculous like being in the shelter by 6 pm. Even if you're late because you were working at your JOB, you'll still show up to find out you lost your spot. Plus, most programs dont actually give true help to addicts.

And shelters can be dangerous. Stealing, physical assault, sexual assault. Both by other homeless but even more likely that you'll get assaulted by staff and volunteers at the shelter. No protection if it happens to you, and you can't call the cops because they'll hurt you worse.

And now they're going to jail you for refusing to go to a place that can be a huge risk for you? Especially if you're POC, queer, etc, shelters can be a risk.

And they think that by criminalizing refusing to go to a shelter, they're helping people? We need a livable wage. There's so many homeless people who work full time, who've been trying for years to have stable housing. But the smallest problem gets you back to the street. No matter how many jobs you get, get an apartment, get a car, etc. Getting out of being homeless is one of the hardest things to do. One hospital visit, and youre in debt and cant affort rent. Get evicted once and youre back on the street. Plus, now with bad 'renter history', making it impossible to find another place to live.

The shelters can be an option. But there arent enough, they dont have the right resources or programs to genuinley help solve addiction & learn financial stability. The programs that do exist most are borderline cults. And a lot of the people who staff these places? Look down upon homeless and treat them like trash.

They're jailing you for refusing to go? Fuck this city, fuck San Diego, making it illegal to exist as a houseless person won't make the problem go away. It'll just make the problem worse because now people are going to have a criminal history, making it harder to get a job or an apartment, for not wanting to go to a shelter? What happened to freedom? Fuck san diego. I hate it here

[bridgyrose]

I have an idea for another Ruby-centered prompt:

Ruby's corset is actually a power limiter.

(Probably not what you were thinking but I couldnt resist)

Ruby took a deep breath as she tightened her corset, keeping an eye on the faint lights that lined the side of it in a pattern of vines along the side. A frown crossed her lips as the green turned red for a split second and her aura started to crackle around her arms. After a few moments, her aura started to die down and the lights turned green once more. Her body relaxed as she finished lacing her corset up and ran a finger down the side. “Guess I need to get this looked at again.” 

“Get what looked at?” Nora asked as she poked her head into Ruby’s room. “Your corset?” 

“Y-yeah, its uh… seen better days.” Ruby quickly turned around with a smile, eyes glancing at her arms to make sure her aura wasnt acting up again. “And while I can fix most of what I wear, I uh… I dont want to ruin it.” 

“I’m sure there’s a tailor around here-” 

“And I can wait until we reach MIstral. Its fine, really, I can make do as long as I’m a little extra careful.” 

“We still have a couple more days before we need to move on and I’m sure Jaune will understand if you need a bit more time to make sure you have everything you need. Cant be too careful if we dont know what villages are left on our way.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Ruby said with a weak smile. “I promise. Besides, we still need to make our way out to deal with that grimm that’s been causing trouble in the forest, right? We deal with that, we get the supplies we need, finish paying off the debt for Jaune’s armor, and then we can head out. We have everything under control.” 

“Alright. And, you know you can talk to us if you need to, right?” 

“Nora, I promise, I’m fine.” 

“Well, dont be late for breakfast.” 

Ruby nodded and relaxed as Nora left and shut the door, the lights on her corset starting to go red again as her aura started to crackle around her. Her body tensed up as she gripped the table by her mirror and tried to calm herself, gritting her teeth as she felt electricity run through her spine and her body start to fall apart into rose petals. 

“Not… now…” she said to herself in a hushed whisper, the petals around her starting to swirl around her and the table she held. After a few moments, again, the lights on her corset turned green and her body started to stabilize. With a few deep breaths, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and smiled to herself. “First the grimm, then my corset. Dont use my semblance and everything will be fine.” 

“Ruby!” Jaune called. “You’re going to be late!” 

“Coming!” Ruby quickly made sure to grab Crescent Rose and started to rush out of her room and down to the tavern of the inn, making sure not to use her semblance. She quickly grabbed a place to sit and grinned. “Sorry I’m late. Slept in a bit.” 

“That’s not like you,” Ren said. “Though with how often we’ve been helping others, I guess our late nights would catch up sooner than later.” 

“Its not bad, just… it doesnt matter. What matters is that we take care of the grimm that’s causing this village issues.” 

Jaune nodded and started to dig into his eggs. “And how am I supposed to help while my equipment is being worked on? I’m glad you guys dont mind me coming along too but without my sword and armor…” 

“You’re still a great leader!” Nora chimed in. “With you and Ruby, nothing can go wrong!” 

Ruby smiled nervously as she felt a shock of her aura run through her body and crackle along her legs. Her whole body tingled anytime her skin touched anything, making it hard to concentrate on breakfast and a plan for the grimm. She dropped her spoon with a clatter on the plate as it almost fell through her fingers. She silently cursed herself and quickly picked it up again, giving her friends a quick smile when she noticed they were looking at her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jaune asked. 

“Yup, I’m great!” Ruby quickly ate and dropped her spoon back onto her plate and stood up. “I’ll go get a head start on recon in the forest!”

“Wait Ruby-” 

Ruby didnt bother to wait and rushed out with her semblance in a flurry of rose petals to the edge of the forest. She could feel the shocks of her aura mixing with her semblance as she hit the edge of the forest and tried to reform herself. She gently touched a tree as she managed to reform, eyes widening as her corset powered down and she started to turn into petals again. 

“No no no no no!” Ruby yelled out as she tried to reform herself again, watching as the tree she touched started to fall apart into rose petals around her. Her semblance started to run wild with anything she touched as her corset fell to the ground, sparks flying off from where the limiters were attached. She tried to grab her corset, petaled fingers slipping around it. 

“Ruby!” Jaune called out. “Where are you?” 

Ruby froze for a moment as she heard Jaune’s voice, no longer sure what she could do. It would be easy to run away, but if she did, then it wouldnt be unreasonable to see her friends follow. On the other hand, running would only make things worse. It wasnt as if she could actually touch anything and if she couldnt grab her corset then she couldnt get it repaired. Her mind raced as her arms shook, no longer sure of herself. Finally, she stepped forward in the direction she heard Jaune’s voice as she tried to hold onto her own form. As she spoke, her words almost seemed to distort as if a thousand voices were all talking at once. “Over here.” 

“Ruby there you-” 

“What happened to you?” Nora cut Jaune off as she made her way over to Ruby, pausing to look her over. “You’re all… petally.” 

“I… I know, but I’m fine, really, I… I just need my corset repaired.” Ruby tried to pick her corset up once more and sighed when she couldnt. “I… I can explain everything after.” 

Jaune picked up the corset and nodded. “And… what exactly is needed to get your corset… fixed? I mean, its just a corset, right?” 

“No… I need you to get thread, some lightning dust, some metal, copper wire, and a couple of light bulbs. Doesnt matter the size, I can make it work.” 

“Make what work?” Ren asked. 

“My… limiters.” Ruby took a step forward and paused as the grass below her started to turn into petals as well. “I dont have time to explain now. I’ll tell you more once I’m stable.” 

Jaune nodded and pulled out his scroll for notes. “And if we cant find it?” 

“I think I have another corset in my things that’ll work, but its sorta… falling apart.” 

“Alright, we’ll do our best.”

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ritchie Herron

Published: May 23, 2024

Today is a day I can't really ignore, because whether I want to mark it or not, my body reminds me regardless.

Six years ago, conflicted, but optimistic, i thought I was doing the right thing getting 'Sex Reassignment surgery'.

A Long Story 🧵

I transitioned as an adult, I was 26. Me and my fully developed big brain thought this would be a good idea.

I had severe OCD and a myriad of mental health problems. I mean even then I be head tiltin'...This was me at age 25, pure giga chad

Soon as i found out transition was an option, I went in full force, like a bat out of hell!

I had become obsessed with the idea that my body was being poisoned by testosterone, that every masculine trait needed to be annihilated, for i was a true and honest woman after all. 

As a child, I was soft, loving, quite literal and I loved to sing, dance and dress up, but i also loved my diggers!

Me at age 10 before I went to sing karaoke with my friends family. You cant see it but my friends shoulder is on the right, he was a year younger too! I was tiny!

When I came out to my family, in isolation they all asked the same question when I told them I had something to tell them: "You're gay, aren't you?"

"No! I'm a real transsexual!" I said. Convinced I was the truest of the true. Genuinely born in the wrong body and all that noise. 

It was 2013 and I had found a supportive online community that helped me get on the right path to transition.

Facing a 15 month wait for the gender clinic. I found out I could start the blocker (And stop the 'poison'!) if i had two private diagnosis of transsexualism. 

So off I fucked to Scotland for a private diagnosis, as i waited to be enrolled for the gender clinic.

I was on a low income so I did the only thing i could, and got a payday loan. "Fuck debt, its this or death!" I reasoned.

Two days later I got the full diagnosis for £500. 

It took until April 2014 for the Gender Clinic to agree to give me the Goserelin Zoladex implant (testosterone blocker).

When I got it, I was so happy the poison was about to stop. At first, I looked a right state. I did the opposite of blend in. 

By January 2015, I was finally enrolled into the gender clinic and after a while, the blockers were showing some effect. Though, I wasn't committing to it at all.

I found myself desisting from the idea of estrogen/transition all together and just thought I'd live as just some androgynous looking guy.

It all changed when i went to the gender clinic. The very first question I got asked by the psychiatrist was: "have you given any thought to gender reassignment surgery?"

I said honestly, I wasn't sure, I dont think i ever had that type of dysphoria, besides i really want to see the therapist. 

They agreed to refer me to a gender therapist in March 2015. In total I would end up have 97 gender therapy sessions with them.

Gender therapy is not like normal therapy. It helped defeat my doubt, and also helped me defeat others who were doubtful. 

In July 2015, the Psychiatrist asked if i had given any further thought to the surgery.

I said I wasn't sure, and i'd like to find out more. Thats when i realised NONE of them had any technical knowledge about the surgery, what it does, etc. It suprised me. 

I got refered back to the place in Scotland, since I already went there for the pre-diagnosis.

I took my mother, she wasnt convinced.

The therapist told her, infront of her grown ass 28 year old son, if she didnt affirm, he'd kms. 

She told me the surgery would make myself feel better, and that regret was extremely low (I was worried about regretted it) and bleeding.

I have a huge fear of bleeding, I'm a wuss! yes... 

Once the surgery referal came through in late 2015, i panicked! Too quick i said!

"It'll be there for when your ready." The psychatrist said.

But all I really wanted was therapy. 

I said no several more times, I forgot exactly how many times they asked, but it was constant.

By 2016 early 2017, life was still chaos, but blending in felt easier, I wasn't getting noticed really and most people gendered me as a woman.

I was happy enough as I was, but back at the gender clinic in 2017 I was delivered an ultimatum. Accept surgery referral or get discharged.

That would also mean an end to the therapy, and it was keeping me stable.

I bit the bullet and said no once more. 

My gender therapist, also somewhat co-dependant on me as a client for now 60 odd sessions, didnt want to let me go either. He reasoned that i did have dysphoria and surgery was probably the best option.

So i called the psychiatrist back and asked to be refered back for surgery. 

I've went over it in my head 1000's of times.

Why did I go along with it? Why didn't just stop it?

It just felt like a ride i couldnt get off, and it got faster and faster.

Everyone was routing for me. 

Day of surgery, may 23rd 2018.

After staying an extra 3 hours in theatre, i finally woke up around this time. 4:00pm ish.

I was still bleeding and had lost nearly 2000ml from the surgery and drains.

A friend helped snap this.

I apologise for the haram photo, but this is what the area looked like a few weeks after.

I had Lichen Scoloris, which was ignored and is now inside the hole and around the entrance. I had a constricted urethra and both my scar lines on both sides split open, which would get infected.

I won't share anymore, but i have a lot of photos that are far more grim.

It's what happened I really can't show you.

The depression, the pain, the insane pain oh my god. Not being able to pee, to feel anything.

Feeling betrayed 

SO I GO BACK TO MY GENDER THERAPIST THREE MONTHS LATER....and i say "Hey, I think i made a mistake, i think i regret this."

"No you dont." He said.

I went back every other week and told him, i regret it. He said no. 

One year of this back and forth. I was refered to a psychiatric team, that said i didnt have regret, I had Unstable Personality Disorder and severe Obsessive compulsive Disorder.

And then I was discharged in January 2020.

It was the worst time in my life, those years. I was very angry at myself, and everyone I talked to reassured me that I didnt have regret and if i did, it was my fault anyway.

But I resisted...And in 2022 I spoke out after desisting 

I'm 37 as of Saturday... and I'm facing life ahead of me as a castrated male. It's not easy territory, but if i want one thing to come out of this, it's to give others a chance, a warning about surgery.

But i wont stop anyone. Just don't try and stop me.

If you would like to support my work, please consider liking/retweeting. I do it for free but will happily accept tips for sausage rolls.

Also consider checking out my substack where i write a lot of shit and youtube where i talk even more shit t.co/tQSunLfhVk tullipr.substack.com

I really needed to get that off my chest so thanks for reading. It's appreciated

[selamat-linting]

if yall think that department store job is bad wait until you hear about the stock broker job i almost had.

so, i recently turned 19 at the time and was desperate for employment. there's this walk-in interview ad on the local job site. i went there, hand in my resume, and without looking at my file the HR told me im accepted for a three day training program. it should be a red flag, but i came in anyway.

our trainer is a man in a fancy suit. the first thing he said other than the over-excited greeting was thanks. thanks for not believing the naysayers who said this job is a scam.

i might be stupid, but im not stupid enough to ignore that. immediately i was hyper aware of everything this trainer was doing and saying. our first day was all motivational speeches and bombarding everyone who dared to question their scheme with noises and covert shaming so they'd get in line. the actual product we're selling, the daily operation, he either sidesteps the question or explain it in such a vague nothingburger way that you couldnt understand it. at least they gave us free lunch though.

when i get home, i began looking up the name of the company. theyre formally certified as a broker company, but its hard to find an actual job desc or the benefits. there's even accounts of costumers who felt theyre getting scammed out of the whole deal. i still came in the next day.

i dont know what i was thinking tbh. i guess there is a part of me who wished it was all a misunderstanding, or a part of me who thinks i can actually make a sale and get money despite the circumstances, and a part of me who wants to convince myself that im not a quitter. i was a mess. i went on my second day, and at least a quarter of people are gone. we did our training, this time we're taught how to trade stocks, using software we barely understand with principles we dont even get. and ofc when we get the job, the money we use for trading would be our customers' money.

during break time, they told us to get comfortable with the workers who have been there for months. i was friendly with them, but i realized they're the ones i could actually get a straight answer from. i basically cornered and made one of them to admit this is a job with no base pay, just a commission scheme. and some havent closed anything for months since the day they start working. i admit, i did it for myself, but i hope other people who enrolled in training with me heard it too.

it was then i made the decision to drop out. dont get me wrong, commission only jobs are a standard practice for a lot of sales industry, and i respect people who do the hustle. actually, i might even try it one day if (big IF here) im skilled and financially stable enough to weather the rough months. but its wrong for that company to avoid explaining that aspect especially when the job is convincing people to fund your trading business and you cant even educate your workers on the product properly! its predatory and scammy as fuck.

and for years after that sometimes i hear a story of a coworker who tried their luck. all of them failed. well, one girl i know manage to close a deal. except she got screwed by her seniors and she didnt get her earnings. one guy i know even end up drowning in debt because of that job. but then again, i dont feel sorry for him because i overheard him confessed to raping a girl at a party once so he deserved it lol!

anyway, the office of that trading company was soon shut down around 2020. i heard they got sued, or they cant pay the rent for the building, im not sure. they were closed though. and everyone who knows that place but doesnt work there, recognized they have a not so stellar reputation. however, they recently reopened under a new name. different company name, same business model. thats capitalism.

[dittolicous]

the organization i reached out to for financial help, in which my openings statement i stated there was no one big single hardship ive gone through, instead a thousand little ones, and that id even just accept financial counseling on how to get things under control... and after waiting a week in which i got two disconnection notices, they asked me again what my hardship was =)

im just. not even going to bother responding anymore. no one cares unless its one big problem. no one cares that its the one thousand tiny things, that they refuse to help with, that bury us in debt and suffering

i didnt lose my job or break a limb, no, i just suddenly lost/had to euthanize four different pets, had to cut my work hours to do an unpaid internship for my degree, which in turn required ubering just to get home at night and resulted in me getting covid, both of which drained my bank account, caused me to miss more work for over a month, and have completely fucked up my sense of smell so all i can fucking smell is fucking smoke, i have a fucking tooth with a hole in it slowly rotting away and cutting into my lip but i cant get it pulled without having to fix to fucking tooth behind it, and of course i missed a single fucking class to get my bachelor degree and i dont qualify for anymore financial aid so id have to pay out of pocket hahaha.

but thsts aaaaaall my fault and no one cares, so i dont deserve help, nope not at all.

its not like the denial of help is what led me into this fucking pit in the first place or anything.

why do i even fucking bother trying. they dont fucking care. none of them do. they just want to lord over us and shame us for being poor and stoopid, just get a better job and dont ever have anything nice hurhur

[abaharashi]

I was 27 when i first discovered Night in the Woods. I was piqued by its art style and charm. I had been needing something to jist BE with. I didnt newd achievements, i didnt need scores or mechanics. I didnt need difficulty or grandiose stories that stretch across the stars and peirce hearts unseen.

I needed a game i could sit with. Take my time and just relax, and enjoy.

Gregg was a favorite early on. Its easy to see why. Everyone should have a Gregg in their life. But i quickly grew attached to Bea. I was drawn to why she waa so...snide with Mae. And given their supposed history i felt so inclined to learn more aboit Bea. And try to reform what friendship was there before things when caput.

Im not going to talk about the rest of those adventures or stories. What i want to talk about is how i am now 3 years into my transition, and playing this game through for the 3rd time now...and its so fucking cathartic in a way.

I related to Mae alot, given how i felt when i was 20. I dont have derealisation but i do get anxiety and depression. Its been notoriously bad recently.

And in a world entering the year 2024 on calander, with so much going on all the time, everywhere. I know i can go back to Possum Springs. And just try to emjoy life and get through another day.

Its not real, but i cant get out much. Adulting will do that to you. Capitalism has made it difficult regardless of age. And those trips with Gregg to the park and having a mini knife fight. Or going to the mall with Bea and shoplifting because "cool kids stickin it to the man" or finding out why Angus doesnt talk with his family much these days.

It brings me back to a time when things did seem uncertain. When i was scared and anxious. But when i also had this bravado to see another day and put 1 foot infront of the other. Because Life.

Those days are so difficult now. You go to work and then feel like super heated glass being doused in water. And you cant stay at work. You cant. Youre akin to a mannequin at that point. You have to go home because youll end up hurting yourself somehow, intentionally or otherwise.

And this great sadness overtakes you and its joined with mania and you just...dont know how youll get through the day. Or if you even want to wake up the next day.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been listening to the NitW OST for the past.... 2-3 days now. And all the tunes are so...simple in their construction and melodies. But they hold this special place in my heart. Maes House especially. It reminds me that my house and family are not like Maes. And i wish they were. Atleast in how the game portrays them presently. I cant even go upstairs to get food unless i cover up now or dress in modest fashion because transition had made people uncomfortable around me expressibg my body in ways i nevwr could before. Not in sexual fashion but showing a bit more skin and wearing tighter clothes and such. And its an insidious uncomfortable they demonstrate. They dobt say it vocally most times to try and be respectful i guess. But i can feel those thoughts burring into me and the....velcro fuzzy distortion that builds between us.

I cant be myself and they don't want me to, because it makes them uncomfortable.

So ive been going back to Possum Springs. And talking with Gregg and reading his enthusiasm helps alot. "I have a friend whos super supportive and would punch someone out for me"

"But hes not real"

I need him to be. Ok? I need Gregg to be real. I need Possum Springs to be real. I need that feeling to be real for me again. A world where im not so...beaten by life and wanting to hope for a better day bit having to fight tooth and nail for every good day i have. Where i dont have to worry about the financial burden of debts, or the worry that this procedure will set me back an additional 20k.

I just want to feel that youthful joy and energy again.

[scourgefrontiers]

just a littol vent

prefacing this by saying if u read this and ur first instinct is to send me a message saying "then get a real job" im going to literally set you on fire. fr

anyway so. i wish that having a disability would be enough to get you on ssi. its crazy that its not. like, i cant get on disability bc i havent worked enough, but the reason i havent worked enough is Because of my disability. what kind of fucked up shit is that.

moving back in with either of our parents isnt an option for many many reasons (one of which is we simply Dont Want To) and we are not about to pay $1k for a single bedroom apartment thats only like ~500 sqft again. thats just stupid and unfair. everything is too goddamn expensive. groceries are too expensive. rent is too expensive. LIVING is too expensive. and for what???

the only thing im able to do is take art commissions b/c thats all im able to do physically and mentally. i cant do jobs that require me to stand for long periods of time or lift things and my only real skill is art. im not about to go into debt for life to go to college for anything outside of art just to get a job somewhere, and im not about to do anything that isnt art either b/c 100% id end up getting suicidal by doing so. hell the last "normie" job i had was a caricature artist position and even THAT made me suicidal. i cant even do that.

we'll manage. i'll manage. i have managed with only my art commissions for a little over two years now. im just tired of feeling like im living on scraps for the amount of work i put in. im tired of the stress that comes every month and im tired of feeling useless because of a stupid capitalist system i was born into and had no choice in taking part in. im tired of being made to feel like i cant follow my passions or else i wont have a fucking place to live

these problems dont exist in space yknow. its only an earth thing. if i were to live in outer space i wouldnt have to worry about rent. i wouldnt have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from. i wouldnt have to worry about if i can afford a DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT or not. i love the earth but the systems that are taking place on it are shit ass bullshit

[uniquezombiedestiny]

thinks about owen in ruina.... lastest reblog inspired me :3

thinks about the final battle. its like "oh power of friendship! dont you have everyone on your side?" and he doesnt. his issues are finally catching up to him - he's disconnected from his friends. after l corp (considering this version of things: owen learns about the loops of day 45, not 50, and finally breaks on d50. he tells himself he couldve changed things if he hadnt.) he's closed himself off more - yeah, he has his friends, but... they dont know him. he doesnt know them anyone. they've looked so far into eachother and their minds that they havent seen the bigger picture enough.

so in the final battle, owen vs vera alone, he cant go on. this was all he wanted, to save her (and everyone else ofc). to make up the debt he's been carrying for so long, watching those around him slowly break from the pressure over l corps story, never trying to help. this is his chance. he can fix everything here. he can save vera here.

and he does try. he wills himself onward - 5 more minutes of holding yourself together. 5 more minutes of watching all of your mistakes fly by you. is this emotion, this sadness from her sincere? or is this just a trap? but hey, what about his own? is this just matrying, just insincere guilt?

were any of these connections, these feelings, repairable in the first place, or have we all been faking it? in the end, thoughts like these, that have piled up for so long, are the hands that drag him into her embrace. vera, the voice of distortion's. maybe saving isn't what we needed. maybe i did want to live in your fantasy. maybe i'd be happy then--

but vera cant do it, either. neither of them can survive this. she can't bear to do this, not after her fantasy has been broken, even so slightly. even through this sole crack, she can see, and she cant go on like that. meanwhile, the other half of her, has finally received what she wanted. acceptance. someone, anyone, to reach their hand our to her, not the other way around, like it always has been.

she has been shunned by the world all her life. her family, her friends, everything around her. and finally, she is being listened to, heard out sincerely, this one. they both accept eachother without judgement.

they both break at the same time, then and now. on d50, and in the final battle.... they're so connected.

thinks about owen and vera. also thinks about straight relationships written by gay people (the fucking understanding and unspoken bond between them is fucking crazy. and theyre not even confirmed canon relationship theyre like. in the middle. theyre like friends with some romance yeah but theyre still friends in the end. qpr swag?)

[my-brains-a-mess]

Slight rant sorry I am sick and not making sense and also mad

Something something about colleges turning into profit making machines for admin and the want from parents for their kids to have better paying jobs so heavily encouraging college to where so many people have degrees the increase in salary for the jobs which you can get does not make up for the amount of debt you have to get into (aka the devaluation of the degree). But now it is still a requirement for jobs that don’t need it, and not enough of a requirement for jobs that do

Something something about the ways republicans cut public school funding

Something something about alt-right parents complaining about colleges making their kids liberals and the correlation between higher education and political values

Something something about how Covid can cause brain damage with each infection and how no one is addressing that or the way Covid changed learning for everyone currently in school and set a lot of people back until they got so overwhelmed they cant do any of the work they need to

Something something about the flock to escapism as the world is constantly overwhelmingly bad

I dont think it’s a big conspiracy - I just think the world is shitty and people love to feed short term dopamine receptors

Learning has such a positive impact on you as a person even if it seems unimportant, it isn’t. (Yes, even that art history essay if you are premed. Yes, even that physics lab if you are an art major.)

Don’t throw it away because that’s what’s trendy. As someone just got out of Uni before the AI explosion, I’m so glad I did and also I promise you college is stressful but you can do it without AI (every single college graduate before 2023 did) and you will be happy you did. And if it will motivate you - AI companies will hate that you did (because you won’t be reliant on them to retain all of information you get from your education when you just don’t use it in the first place)

You can’t fix the world but you can learn enough about it to at least understand what’s going on and making your little corner of the world all the more better for it

Also you are paying so much for your education - at least let yourself experience it

ur future nurse is using chapgpt to glide thru school u better take care of urself

[emanonyourstruly]

University, Life, Girlfriend, Yearning, Booze and Everything Else

my first time back to university is next week-ish. more like second week of uni. I am really excited tho. I still need a purse that will hold my laptop. a cunty one like gossip girl. Alsoooo gotta romanticise university so give me your tricks into studying and tolerating commuting there lol.

my life is pretty great right now since my 21st birthday just passed. Ive been getting drunk or high every day and I'm getting it out of the way before university. I love being alone and relaxing. you know what would make this experience even better?! having my own place oh yeahhhh~~ that is very unrealistic at the moment I'm not going to lie. 4 classes and a job ill go to 3 times a week doesn't sound appealing. living at home isn't so bad cuz i got a car, free food free room free everything. I even got enough freedom like whatever.

my girlfriend who isnt my girlfriend is getting increasingly frustrated at me and i can tell because i haven't been giving. I was unemployed forever. I can finally treat herrrr and play games with her

Ughhhh moving out and having my own freedom especially with the love of my lifeeeee(girlfriend whos not really my girlfriend). my cat cuddling with me and peace and quiet <3 and then having my friends over + parties. all of the drinks ill make

booze. wym i can flash my id and theyll hand me liquor?! I'm obsessed with watching pretty cocktail videos. making it would be so fun too. me + my future apartment + peace.

I want to learn to be grateful for what i have. I rarely do maintnance on myself anymore and i can see bugs in my system. what am i grateful for right now? what troubled me recently that got solved?

the fact that i still had a vertical ID annoyed me because I didn't like how i looked in it. it came in a few days ago and im told that i look cute in it so thats a plus

i was unemployed for mooonths and i finally got a job right before i drowned in debt. I used to feel worthless and I was less than happy not being able to spend any money. Tim Hortons is also such an easy job. Lazy girlies, if you like Papa's Freezeria, you're gonna love how simple it is working there as long as it is in a corner that people don't really go into. I don't do drivethrough unless I wanna hand things out at the window which is easy. The only hard part for me is waking up at 5:30 am(but i get the rest of the day to myselfff). It really worked out for me

I got some really nice gifts that i will for sure use. especially the planner and airbrush that my bestie got for me.

my mom makes really good food at home and she makes an effort to keep the house clean at all times. I mopped and broomed for her today and i felt accomplished

i really did have fomo during my semester break but i have to remember that i wouldn't have been able to enjoy my 21st if i was at school. I am also grateful that i can go back because i got my federal grant back. I am so locked in for next semester.

finally finding new music to listen to because i was losing my mind over the lack of variety i have been listening to.

finding good manhwas to indulge in before the semester begins so i don't get attached while trying to study.

the annoying pile of clothes and accessories that was constantly moving back and forth from my bed to my chair is finally put away in their proper spots. I even mopped my room twice this week

there's probably more but I cant think of them right now. I guess I should reflect on my behavior because my bitterness and jealously lingered for too long without me addressing it. i fear they have already been internalized. Joji plz heal meeee~ Anyway it's time to wrap this up because I want to think of my new years resolutions hehe yes i still do them dont judge me.

bye bye loves<3

[cripple-cat]

screaming into the void about my personal issues for a moment

i know how to be independent

i am repeatedly prevented from being independent

i love my mom but her love for me is still tied to me being unable to live without her, which hasnt been true since i was nine. her boyfriend thinks i dont know anything about the world and cant think or do anything for myself because im disabled and his girlfriends kid. when i lived with my dad before he threw me away like fucking garbage, i was almost entirely supporting myself and my pets because he absolutely refused to support me. i paid that man rent. i am an adult man.

i am repeatedly prevented from being independent, and then villified for not being independent.

i am grateful that my mom is supporting me while i get my degree, but i never asked her to. she has always wanted me to get a college education and now i am, and it makes me dependent on her, therefore she loves me. shes not even paying my tuition or anything actually college related, she made me take on student loans, and i will be saddled with that debt for the rest of my life because she was unwilling to let me work for a couple years while letting her foot the bill for me for everything else so i could save up. i have a life-long debt that i will never pay off because of her need to make me dependent on her.

i didnt learn to drive from either of my parents. my dad is a shitbag, so i obviously didnt learn from him. my mom screamed and panicked and struck me in the chest because she was so afraid of me driving. i only drove with her three times before i just couldnt safely do it anymore. the only other time i drove with her was the first time i drove on the road. it was in a fucked up that couldnt accelerate past 45mph, could not hard brake, had no rear view mirror, and had a steering wheel that had to make two full turns before the tires would even think about turning. she was spasming and possibly having a stroke in the passenger seat. we were moving to a new place. it was traumatizing. i learned to drive through trial by fire with one person who doesnt know how to drive and isnt licensed and another person who was drunk 90% of the time. i didnt need my mom. she was the reason it took me so long to learn to drive and is still the reason im afraid to drive on the interstate.

she doesnt take care of my pets unless im not home for whatever reason, which is almost never, because she has made me dependent upon her for transport. i have to take care of her dogs a lot because she and her boyfriend keep forgetting to feed and water them at the right times. i clean up after them, i feed and water them, i take them outside. the only thing i dont do with them is play because i fucking hate dogs! i have to take care of dogs when i hate dogs!

her goddamn boyfriend keeps acting like im incapable of doing things until the moment he thinks something should already be done and im clearly the only one who can do it, even if im busy with something else. this is a man who did not know you have to use hot water to wash dishes, so clearly he just cant understand the concept of "im busy right now, ill either get to it tonight or tomorrow." he gets flustered and frustrated and starts yelling in the kitchen and slamming doors and doing things with excess aggression the moment i specifically inconvenience him. if its my mom it doesnt matter, but if its me he throws a tantrum. im the problem in all situations.

i have not been allowed to heal from any of my trauma because im held resoonsible for the feelings and trauma of others. when my mom has issues, i have to fix them and keeo her distracted and help her process and make her feel better. when her boyfriend has issues, im expected to suck it up and be gentle and understanding with him. when i have issues, im met with "weve all got problems, its not getting you out of this" or "youre not the only one with problems, im having a hard day, too" or even "no, youre gaslighting me." have you ever been gaslit by being accused of gaslighting? it is a bad fucking feeling.

im exhausted. im a disabled person, yes, in many ways, but i would not be dependent on anyone if i were allowed to be independent. i dont want to live like this. i cant fucking live like this. im so, so tired. this is the most coherent ive been in days.

sorry to anyone who reads this.

[jewishrevolutionary]

Poverty is not actively recognized in our country nor in the discussions of politics, and I feel deeply hurt and demotivated because of it, especially as someone who has been forced to live in the lowest sectors of it. It ends up being a discussion only used as a trump card, not a regular talking point that needs to be actively recognized. Milenials and Gen Z is the most in poverty, despite all the opportunities people had in college or elsewhere.

Ever since I got kicked out of my parents home, I have moved to the slummiest parts of my state's capital and I live in this shitty, broken down apartment that has lead paint in certain areas, mold in (possibly) the floor, the walls, the ceilings, and other areas. Our bathroom sink and toilet barely work, the refrigerator is broken down, and for the first 6 months, the lock to our front door was completely broken.

In all of that, I and my boyfriend have gone through a plethora of jobs. My boyfriend started talking about unionizing in his first job, got fired almost immediately. His second and third job was too stressful to keep up with mentally. And only now did he get a job that only gave him part time hours.

My first job was too far away to keep working in and they didnt even respect me for all the shitty work they put me through when we only had a skeleton crew. My second job, i got fired for taking a very small tip from someone. And the job Im currently working for is full of shitheads who've gotten recently promoted and are barking and kneeling for the owner and his shitty decisions. (For example, we had a foot and a half of snow and everyone avoided the topic of closing early and shamed me and another coworker for not coming in when it was too unsafe for either of us to leave) I also broke down sobbing during a stressful rush and was blamed for not communicating with my manager about the rush.

Either way, regardless of my own treatement and how much I can tell you about the treatment of my boyfriend at his workplaces, we're still in deep poverty and our rent is going to definitely increase, with the fact that we dont have a car yet that can help get us to and from places. And this constant feeling of dread that I cant escape this has made me so much more less hopeful than I was before.

I have nearly lost my faith in leftist/communist/anarchist movements because there is zero groups in sight in my state and anywhere near where I live. I have tried getting financial help by setting up GoFundMe's, public kofi's or anything. And the constant struggling and difficulty with my recent schedules have made it impossible for me to engage in any of my own artistic interests becsuse of the sheer amount of demotivation I've been through.

I want to be happy, I want to live a fulfilled life, but I dont want to be stuck under this constantly pressuring system that will harm me for not having *credit* and being a young adult.

I need money for a car, but no one is willing to spare because I'm seen as too young and inexperienced. I need credit for getting an apartment, getting a car, getting ANYWHERE, and I fear debt like no one else in the world.

And it has only made me more and more hopeless, because this a problem that is seemingly everywhere, but Americans dont talk about. They wont support each other through it, and I and my boyfriend have talked to people, have tried getting support, but we only get scoffs, angry mullings about making sure we make our own lives better, and advice that gets us nowhere. My boyfriend was told by everyone except his immediate family that trying to unionize was dumb and would have only led to his firing. That he needed to just suck it up and get better.

I want to have hope in people, but this last year has been so dejecting for me and my hope. I dont know what to do anymore. It hurts me a lot that there isnt anything for me to do. I, my boyfriend, and their sibling might become homeless because of the rent increase in the next 3 months, and I feel too dejected to even ask for money anymore because I know no one has money anymore.

I'm just going to end off on the note that I'm not planning anything. I just am going to survive. And if anyone wants to help, I just need help with saving up for a car so send me a DM or something. I have about 1200 between me and my boyfriend.

And be sure to ask everyone you know about their situation, be sure to help as many people as you can. I've been doing it despite my poverty, and it's because I have money to spend for myself that I know would be used better. It only takes a little to make people hopeful, and doing nothing makes them lose their hope.

[winking]

story time not really story just my life

[lightspren]

googles “how to deal with realizing that you’re in so much debt you’ll literally never dig out of it even tho you don’t even turn 25 for another month”