#i dont want anyones mom seeing this at the wrong moment and judging them

[sebritz]

remembered that the zandalar quest plate set has upskirt and barely covers the ass on the masc model. anyways i think i hauve covid (no text and image that inspired this under cut)

[wooltoesocks]

things i want to get answers to in the remaining episodes of four leaf: a very comprehensive list that must be missing some things i just cant remember at the moment (also soilers for up until ep 139):

just in general evrything about the bells, and more especiall like how is lina giving lupe her bells (because that is 100% gonna happen i think) gonna affect them, for example if they'll get lina's bell as like their own, and if that bell being kinda broken is gonna be any problem

will that be a permanent change, is lupe gonna give the bell back to lina after they deal with the wolf

what's gonna happen to cricket if they really do deal with the wolf? or how will tehy come to some wsolution that doesnt harm anyone

CARLA!!! is she gonna be okay? that wound looks very nasty. i hope they'll be able to cure it somehow, and if not, then chopchop there goes a leg :/

talking about carla, is she gonna give er bells to someone like she mentioned in 138? that is only in case she wont be able to continue, but it loks very bad rn, so my question is, is it gonnna be mercy? or in general, who is it gonna be?

also about the bells, i really wanna know how many bells each witch has!! it''s just something i think would be interesting to analyse. (i looked through all the episodes where a witch has their bells out buut i still now only know for certain the number of bels like 7 witches have (before 137 and emma giving up her bells): Erica 1, Emma 2, Socks 2 (most likely, unless she got mor after the prison break, that's when she at least shows only 2), Alishba 3, Linda 3 (both of whose bells were shown during the prison break), Carla 20, Lina 21.

also also (i use that word so much), the names of the witches! we now know there are 17 witches in the red hoods (+lupe +lina so maybe 19 but oh well) and of those 17 we know the names of 12 (episode 133)

what i wanna know too is like which bell belongs to which witch? we've seen some, for example in the flashback of when they first appeared, and also in the festival of roses we see some, but like i wnna knowww (ye sit's very trivial but that's what makes it fun i think)

the mom. what happened with her in the 8 months that have passed since lupe was last in their original world? did she just continue on like normal, or did she actually regret some of the things she's done? will lupe go see her again?

the inevitable. the thing i've been waiting for for like 2 years. the KISS! alvar mentioned the witch loking very mad and the also saying he's the kinda guy to ask twice before a first kiss and what i think will happen is that he is gonna ask. like he's just the kinda guy. but the thing lupe (most likely) will be "mad" about is just that al didnt tell about it (even tho he was gonna tell you lupe, you just didnt want him to). or they arent mad, but just like very confused/fristrated and Al just interpreted it wrong? i dont know. we'll see (hopefully tomorrow in 140 but at the evry least in 141?? like i dont think it will take so long that it would be 142? (i am delusional). also looking at the future chapter thumbnails (not a fast pass reader), it looks like someone is using some kind of reddish/pinkish magic / teleporting right next to him)

okay this isnt a theory or anything, i just know lupe's dad is gonna be so smug learning about lupe and al's relationship when they do get into one like judging from ep 116 and the "crush" i jut know

okay wow this is a long post but i need to get these out of my head and scream into the void and wait if it screams back

back to the bells, they'r gonna give everyone their own one back right? if they deal wit hthe wolf, there shouldnt be any need to hoard all the power, and i dont think it would be very fair to let 72 people just go on about life without really even knowing what's going no just because you wanna levitate. i know it's probably more complicated than that but yeah

also (fuck, this word again) what's gonna happen to the witchs' craving of gloom? is it gonna go away if there is no wolf (okay this is assuming that it's dealt with and they wont come to a peaceful comclusion but if that happens i just really hope cricket will be okay)

are other witches gonna wanna get rid of their bells and become human like emma?

i would like some more information about the different worlds, although i think it's unlikely tha will come up in the chapters themselves, but maybe as some bonus content somewhere?

okay so i already wrote about like if Lina's bell being broken is gonna have any effect on lupe, but will it affect Lina herself? i would assume not, but you never know

just in general, i cant wait to see how everything comes to a conclusion and how the ending is gonna be (even tho i would love for it to go on for longer). are we gonnna see another time skip?

man i just remembered there are alaso civilians in Garua at the moment too like the redhoods are gonna get the to safety right? maybe that will also help a little with the public's fear of the witches, the news that hey maybe they're not bad through and through (even tho that was never the case but most people still thought that so)

fuck this is long how many words even is this... 1005???? man that's like 2/3 of the essays we had to write in high school. yea it's easier to just put stuff from your mind into bullet points but this has taken me like maybe 45 minutes where as those essays took at least 5 hours. i bet i could make one from one of my interests in like 2 hours and i would be much better than any of those monstrocities i wrote

anyway back on track

actually those are the main ones i remember now, maybe i'll update this once more come to mind, but for now this is enough for today

pictured above is me falling for this series

wait one more thing: is it stated anywhere how much the bells weigh? i would assume they're more like incorporeal so they wouldn't hve any mass, and i fell like should know this i've read this series 5 or 6 times. but if they do infact hve mass, do the witches have to actively levitate them or are they jsut funky like that

[dollfaceksj]

heyy, i'm the previous anon who said you shouldn't call the other person sending the ask heartless.

yes, i completely agree that women and afab people are primarily judged based on our looks/appearance, but just because other people choose to value us or devaluate our worth based on our looks does not mean we engage w that mindset, because our looks are not all that there is to us, we have so much more to give than that and indirectly subscribing to that mindset by basing our value SOLELY off of our looks isn't right.

with that being said, it's not easy to open us about our difficult feelings like she did, i never said i don't acknowledge that or that i dislike that, what i mean is we can absolutely have moments of weaknesses and insecurities flash through minds, it's impossible for that not happen, and i dont dislike her for that, it would be unrealistic of me to dislike someone for being insecure, i dislike her for using people for emotional or sexual validation, being insecure doesn't make that right, regardless.

also, yoongi (in this case)/or anyone being used thinking it's okay to be used doesn't make it okay, a person being wronged thinking that them being wronged is okay, is far from okay.

also, don't misunderstand this as hate for the series please :) bc despite having a busy life you're regular with your updates and i love that because this isn't a topic i've seen a lot of authors take upon, can't wait for the next update :)x

while i agree with you, i still don’t like how that anon voiced their opinion on that and that’s just how it is. they said “damn, she’s messy. don’t like her anymore.” implying that only after her explanation they’ve started disliking her. to me that sounds heartless, no matter how u twist and turn it.

so all the lies she’s said before were okay but her coming clean about everything and her true feelings and intentions suddenly make you dislike her? you’d think it’s the other way around. and only disliking her after seeing the world through her eyes is still heartless. in my opinion. i think i’m free to voice my opinion on that just like i let you anons voice your opinions. doesn’t mean i have to like ur opinions !

and sure, the whole thing about just bc yoongi would be ok doesn’t make it okay sure; but i literally used namjoon’s own words during one of his ending ments @ tour when he said that he uses armys to love himself and that he wants us to use bts to love ourselves. it is what it is. no matter whether you think it’s okay or not, if it keeps you from going down a very dark road, why the hell not? i use bts to love myself. namjoon uses us to love himself. i don’t think that makes it “far from okay”.

in this it’s about the lying. the conflict here is that she keeps lying. the problem isn’t the using, as already previously established. YOU have a problem with the using and whilst it’s understandable, it’s not what the problem here is cus ive been trying to foreshadow her lying about stuff since the beginning. this reveal would have been the ultimate lie (her theme) it’s not about what shes lying about but that she simply continues to lie

had the anon said they dislike yn after 19 when it was revealed she’d been on birth control, i’d have stayed quiet, like i did with all anons who were clearly in shock and disliked her for it. understandable, completely understandable

however, it’s the fact that it was said after 20, after yn gave you just a taste of what it’s been like for her. so no, i still will not change my opinion of it being heartless to dislike her only after her explanation

ofc not! im open to discuss the series. i think this is a very sensitive and serious topic and multiple moms have already spoken out about how close to home this hit for them. i want to highlight real problems in my fics and realistic scenarios whilst still keeping the drama aspect of it

[sunsumu]

sweater weather: saiki k x fem!reader

“cause its too cold for you here, and now. so let me hold both your hands both your hands in the holes of my sweater”

“inside this place is warm, outside it starts to pour; coming down.”

tags: 1722 words, third person pov; fluff, slight angst, just cute <33

saiki finds you drenched in the rain and brings you to his house to warm up.

she’s standing there, like an idiot, in the pouring rain that washed over her body. her clothes were completely soaked-through and she was freezing, but it didn’t compare to the hurt she felt when she caught her longtime boyfriend cheating on her just a few minutes earlier. it wasn’t with any random girl either. it was with her best friend. the one person she thought she could trust with her life and in two seconds, that trust instantly shattered. she continued walking down the sidewalk, ignoring the chill that ran though her body as the rain grew relentless. she didn’t know where she was going— just walking aimlessly to distract her from the ache of her heart.

“yare yare, i dont know if you’re just stupid or suicidal.” a voice deadpanned from behind her, jolting her out of her thoughts. she whipped around, splashing the hot-pink haired stranger with the water from her drenched hair. he didn’t looked phased, though his eyebrows furrowed— the only indication of his annoyance— as he adjusted the umbrella he was carrying over his head. “what are you doing standing in the rain like that? you’re going to get hypothermia.”

the girl blinked at him, puzzled by his sudden appearance. the stranger looked exasperated, sighing, and then stepping towards her. her eyes widened, taking a step back, but his strides were longer and he reached her first. he pushed his umbrella forward, covering her small figure from the rain. “you’re drenched.”

she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and shivering slightly. “yeah, no shit sherlock.” she inched closer to him, his body radiating warmth as opposed to her freezing exterior. if he noticed, he didn’t say anything about it.

instead, he gave another sigh and murmured something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like ‘my mom’s going to kill me if i don’t help her’. she looked up at the stranger, his green glasses still covered with water droplets from her hair-whip earlier. “you can warm up at my place, if you’d like. don’t get the wrong idea though.” he said, matching her eye contact without expression. she hesitated, unsure. i don’t know this guy… but i don’t have anywhere else to go.

she gave him a small nod and they walk alongside each other in an awkward silence as the taller male held the umbrella over both their heads. they had past the neighborhood with the stores and entered the area with the households. each person made no move to start a conversation, although she wished he would. she did not want to be alone with her thoughts, the memory of her— now ex-– boyfriend kissing her best friend fiercely; her best friend pulling his head closer to her-

“why were you standing in the rain?” the stranger asked, without looking, eyes still staring straight ahead as they walked past house upon house. she looked up at him in surprise. she then turned her gaze away, looking down at her feet.

“nothing. just wanted fresh air.”

“and pneumonia.” he said dryly. a small smile perked at the end of her lips, which quickly turned into a grimace when another shiver racked through her figure. he noticed this, and shifted closer to her. “we’re almost there, it’s just up ahead. again, don’t get the wrong idea.”

“don’t worry, i probably look like a wet dog. i doubt anyone wants me right now.” her tone was light-hearted, but there was an underlying sound of sadness and truth to it. the male didn’t say anything to that, choosing to let the statement sit in the air between them as they made their way to the front of his house. he handed her the umbrella, taking out his keys.

she took the handle of it, letting him unlock the gate and walking beside him up to his door. he opened the door with ease, and they’re greeted with a gust of warm air from his home and a sweet sounding voice that cried, “kuu-chan~!”

the girl lifted her head up in surprise as a woman with short black hair appeared in the hallway in front of the door. the woman’s jaw immediately dropped at the sight of the pink-haired stranger— assuming this was her son— with a female. “kuu-chan brought home a girl?” she gasped. “oh dear! come in, you must be so cold! kuu-chan, get her a towel!” she said, ushering the drenched girl inside her home.

a few moments later, she was seated on their living room coach covered with a towel placed on her shoulders. the pink-haired male handed her a cup of warm tea, which she gratefully accepted with both her hands and a small bow. she drank it slowly, feeling the warmth travel down her throat and into her stomach. he sat beside her, about a foot’s distance away.

“are you feeling better now?” he asked, glancing at her. she nodded, holding the cup between her hands on her lap. its warmth was comforting to her hands, which were ice cold.

“i’m sorry for intruding into your home.” she apologized, finally feeling the embarrassment creep into her face. “uh, what’s your name by the way?”

“saiki. saiki kusuo.” he answered, looking away.

“nice to meet you, saiki-san. i’m l/n y/n.” saiki gave a small nod of acknowledgement. a brief silence fell over the room as she took another sip from the blue totem-looking cup. saiki took a curious look at her.

“why were you standing out in the rain?” he asked for the third time. the girl looks at him before dropping her gaze.

“persistent aren’t you? why do you want to know?” she asked back, avoiding the question. she didn’t think she was ready to talk about it to a stranger yet, but she was oddly relaxed in his presence. “it wasn’t a big deal, really.”

“it must’ve been big enough to get frostbite outside.” he retorted dryly. she smirked into her cup. he somehow always managed to make her laugh with his little comments like that. “i promise i won’t judge you.” he added with a softer tone.

she hesitated. it’ll be fine, right? if i just… told him. she exhaled. “alright, then i’ll tell you. promise you won’t laugh at me?” she asked, looking up at him. he was already looking in he direction. “of course.” he replied and she took a deep breath. she told him what she recalled.

her boyfriend not answering his texts that day. her coming home early to surprise her boyfriend for their two year anniversary. her opening the door to find her best friend pressed against the wall of their bedroom, her boyfriend between her legs. them not noticing y/n cover her mouth in shock, and run off as quietly as she could. she had been walking for almost half an hour when saiki found her.

when she finished telling him, tears had formed in her eyes, which she hastily wiped away. she didn’t want to cry in front of someone she barely knew. saiki was an attentive listener, not interrupting her once during her retelling. now, he scooted closer to rub her back as she put her cup down and put her head into her hands to hide her face. he rubbed soothing circles on her back as she sobbed into her hands.

it didn’t hurt any less but the comfort saiki gave her was nice. she found herself leaning towards his touch unconsciously and they sat like that for a few minutes, letting her cry out her pain. saiki didn’t say anything during this, just drawing comforting circles and staring ahead. eventually, her sobs slowed and she took deep breaths instead. saiki turned towards her.

“are you okay now, l/n-san? i’m sorry i pushed you to tell me.” he apologized, his hand ceasing its circles. she shook her head. “no, it’s alright saiki-san. i wanted to tell you. thank you for your hospitality.” she wrapped herself further with the towel, saiki releasing his hand from her back.

“it was no problem.”

she shuffled on the couch. “ah, i think i should take my leave now. i don’t want to overstay my welcome.” she announced, standing up and pulling the towel away from her shoulder. saiki stood up with her.

“then, let me give you this.” he offered, disappearing up his stairs to his room. she stared after him in confusion, standing awkwardly between his couch and coffee table. he returned shortly after, with a purple sweater in his hands. “here, since your clothes are wet and its still raining lightly outside.” he lifted it towards her.

she stared at the clothing, unmoving. “i can’t take that…” he lifted it again, urging her to take it. she looked up at him and back at his hands. saiki sighs, taking her hands and pushing the sweater into her arms. “take it. i don’t need it anyways.” he stepped back from her. she stood staring at the sweater, feeling its soft fabric rub against her palms.

“thank you.” she said softly, a small smile forming on her face. saiki’s expression didn’t change, but she could sense a minuscule smile on his face too. “i guess, i’ll see you soon then. thank you again.” she bowed, and walked towards the door— the male at her heels to walk her out. they exchanged goodbyes and she walked out into the light rain, putting on his hoodie— which smelled like ginko leaves, a smell she oddly liked— and pulled the hood over her head. she glanced back at the house, still seeing saiki leaning against the doorframe, and waved at him. he gave a small wave back and she turned around to walk back to her apartment.

she knew she would have to face her ex-boyfriend soon, so she figured now. she’d have to tell him what she saw, that they were over, and that she was moving out of their shared apartment. she tugged at the sweater’s sleeves— which were longer than her arms were. ‘i guess today wasn’t all that bad though.’ she thought, stepping carefully around a particularly large puddle, and feeling more lighthearted than she did before.

‘you’re right. it wasn’t bad at all.’ saiki thought to himself, amused.

💌: ahh,, my first ff! how was it? i tried not to get too ooc and kind of give it a slower pace, but im not sure if i communicated that well. i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! i sure enjoyed writing it, and was aiming for 700 words but…. lol anyways ik we dont have many saiki k followers but i worked hard on this :( thank you for your requests! we’ll work on them and please send more!! -admin lisa <3 and yes saiki could’ve just read her mind to find out, but he wanted to hear her say it to him and signify she trusted him a lil… idk why but :p

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[uwuowotf2waslife]

The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

 as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections 

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable 

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need  to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella)  and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most  easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with  his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing  to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him 

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that  he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something  special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with  you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually  has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he  has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you  to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

[ofjunkrcts]

OKAY HI u guys have no idea how pumped i am for this!!!!!! i almost NEVER pick up second characters so u know that means i gotta whole lot of love in my heart for this girl :’) let’s jump right in i’m so excited!!!!!!!!!

part one: the backstory!!!!

what the fuck is up im coming at u HOT with another Hot Fucking Mess say hello to my mfn BABYGIRL frankie rivera

yes frankie is a nickname no u probably don’t know what her full name is bc undersharing is the name of the game baby

born on the wrong side of the tracks…… literally! technically the trailer park she grew up in wasn’t Actually an ashmont mailing address bc heaven forbid 100% of ashmont residents aren’t stupid rich! but thanks to the wonder that is school of choice, frankie still went to ashmont high school w the gang way back when!

(sex work tw) she was raised by her single mother who was a community college dropout when a random ass hookup ended up in her being pregnant! her mom has worked two jobs all of frankie’s life to afford the basics, being a waitress at a bar by day and also a stripper by night to make that money and provide for her daughter! and even though they barely BARELY ever had enough to make ends meet, frankie’s momma is her whole HERO so watch ur mouth

because she didn’t really have much growing up and because her mom’s demanding work schedule left her with very little supervision, she resorted to petty theft at a pretty young age. sometimes it was to get things that she or her mom needed, like medicine from the gas station down the street. sometimes it was to get things that she wanted, like if she wanted fresh fruit for breakfast. and, eventually, she ended up stealing because it was what everyone expected from someone “like her”

by the time that high school came around, frankie’s tendency for theft had surpassed means of survival and had, instead, had turned into something that she couldn’t stop herself from doing. she stole clothes, makeup, accessories, art supplies, anything and everything that the world of rich kids around her made her believe that she needed but couldn’t afford on her own and she quickly found that she couldn’t stop herself

the idea that she was constantly being judged by people who looked down on her, constantly believing that there were a set of expectations she would always be held to, constantly being seen as nothing and constantly having to prove that she wasn’t worthless — all became recurring themes in her life

the first person frankie met who changed her life was a man named mel carson, the owner of carson’s automotive shop. when she was fifteen, frankie got caught attempting to shoplift from the pharmacy of the convenience store and, really, she’d just been lucky that mel had been there and convinced the owner of the store to let her go with a warning, paying for what she’d been trying to steal. and then he’d really saved her life by offering her a job at the shop

the second person frankie met who changed her life was her art teacher, junior year. coincidentally, it was another instance where she thought that she was going to end up in trouble with the law. she’d developed a love for art at a young age, but it had always seemed untouchable until the day that she began to express herself through graffiti. it was her art teacher who found her spray painting one of the back walls of the school and, instead, of reporting her to the school or to the ashmont pd for vandalism, he looked at her and saw the talent and the passion with which her work was carefully completed. he convinced her to start taking classes, gave her a place and supplies to work in his classroom, fostered her interests and encouraged her to stick with it

she did and, by some miracle, she ended up at st e’s on a scholarship for her art after spending a year at community college, which she never thought would have happened to someone like her. opening her college acceptance letter, with her mom looking on and beaming with pride, was the first time in her life that frankie truly felt like she might be able to amount to something

now she’s out here at st e’s chilling, working at the art gallery, also running a “technically illegal because you don’t have any certification” underground auto shop in the junkyard just chilling !!!!!!! 

PART 2: PERSONALITY

as far as her personality goes, frankie can probably best be described as being single minded to the point of recklessness. she has been held accountable for very few things in her life, never really had a lot of responsibilities, was never held to a very high standard, often got away with things she shouldn’t have without seeing repercussions, etc. because of that she’s always been a bit flighty and had a difficult time seeing the full extent of the consequences of her actions 

this probably..... best displays itself in her tendency to be...... overly flirtatious with uhhh everyone all the time she is so TERRIBLE about it she is so so flirty n so so ........ Like That. i dont mean 2 be that person but like........ female danny/female noah. thats her ladies!! ready n willing to sleep w anyone at almost any moment in time 

but shes super gay so jot that down xoxo

ANYWAY. it isnt that she’s not empathetic bc she IS. she gets Way Too Attached to people and then backs out before she can fully commit bc..................

she’s also a BIG TIME commitment-phobe, terrified of letting people in and seeing the parts of her that she keeps tucked away under a cool, icy, collected exterior which mostly stems from the fact that she has a lot of repressed contempt towards people who have always viewed her as lesser because of her status, social standing, etc

i might be biased but??? i love her and think she’s a good person still??? like deep down she’s such a sweetheart she really is, she likes to just hang out in the junkyard and and go through trash that people threw away and pick out pieces of things that can be built into something new and beautiful

she’s super sentimental deep down but will throw punches if anyone tries to say that, she doesn’t give a SHIT if she’s only like 5 ft tall she will fight

she’s a baby and strongly identifies in the “junk” of the junkyard n wants someone to put effort into her to make her beautiful the way that she does to everything else and that’s on that 

OKAY. PLOTS

basically i have some in my brain already but im gonna do the tldr version of them rn so that i can POST THIS. 

first of all, GIVE HER SPICY CONNECTIONS PLS kiki is the loml n my girl but shes 2 sad 2 b spicy ever in her life so LET ME HAVE A SPICY GIRL PLS

FRIENDS!!!!! she would live and die for her friends SO VERY MUCH give her some sweet wholesome plots esp someone who was perhaps her friend back in the day 

“EXES” and i put it in quotations bc its... highly unlikely that frankie was ever 1000000% committed and in a serious relationship (OR maybe she was maybe ur character was the 1 exception that broke her heart) BUT THERE R SO MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR THIS TO GO MESSY

also she needs ROOMMATES. WHO WANTS A ROOMMATE!!!!!!!!!!!

um????? hateship?????????? didnt get along??????????// still dont get along??????????? 

IDK. MY BRAIN IS SO SCATTERED BC I AM SO EXCITED N FEELING CRAZY BUT!!!!!!!!!!! ILY

[rhysand-is-daddy]

as we all know, the year is coming to an end. ive had my many ups, but also my many down. this year, by far, was one of the best yet toughest year ive ever had. ive suffered a lot but the rise from those events have made every moment with the people i love worth it. so here are the people that made my year hella worth it.

to audrey, aka softie i know we met late this year but i cant tell you how wonderful you are. youre so funny and cute uwu and our ship together rocks ^-^ ilysm bro and i hope you have a good new years.

to rida, i met you in april i think and i honestly couldnt believe that weve stayed friends for a while even if were in two diff rps. youre so cute and adorable even if you talk about ducks in the way you should never talk about ducks. unlessyourecursingthem- ahEM anYwAys ily dude and stop talking about ducks. youknowtheyfreakmeout.

to zoe, we also met in april maybeitwasmayidk but i can never thank you enough for all the things youve done for me. whenever i needed to rant, you were there, whenever i was live, you were there, whenever i wanted to nerd out about some musical or whatever, you were there. youre so worth knowing and ilysm.

and now on to the laughaholics aka crackaholics aka queenaholics aka swagaholics. you all are stoopid. but youre my gang so that makes me stoopid too :) yall are the weirdest people ive met but thats what makes our convos the best and funniest things ill ever see.

to kay, aka squid aka patrick aka frito lay, i actually havent called you that last one in a while- uM anyways this is our sEcoNd new years together. i still remember last new years. that was great. i just wanna let you know that youre one of the best person ive ever known. you have the confidence of a god and the best advice. i know that if i ever need some words of confidence, or a slap in the face, ill come to you always. youre my best friend and i love you so fricken much bb.

to bri, aka mom, i actually remember the first time i spoke to you- werenotgonnagointothatbecausefrickno uH yeah :) youre one of the most swagalicious person ive ever. you have so much swag its impossible to ever compare. youre so cute ( even tho you say you arent whEN BITCH YOURE SO ADORABLE FUCKING FIGHT ME ) and you have a cute dog even though hes on crack most of the time. i love you mommaaaa.

to gaby, aka lemon aka dad aka daddy aka pops aka big papa i. just. want. to. say. that. you. are. the. most. cutest. person. to. ever. exist. and. i. love. you. so. much. mwah. no but fr i cant imagine my world without you. youve impacted me so much throughout this year. youve had your ups ( which are so cute uwu ), and unfortunately youve had your downs. im always here to talk with you if you need it. i know you dont feel like youre strong, but dude, you are the strongest person ive met. ive seen you overcome some hard obstacles. keep doing that. i love our many inside jokes and our ships are AWESOME. i love them a lot. you know how to make a certain man s t u t t e r with the cotton candy iF yA knOw whAt i mEaN ;) anyway i love you so much pops.

to alex, aka melon aka love bug :) try as you might, you lOVE me. you might not say it but deep down in your "cold, black" heart you love us. i fricken k n o w you do. so ha. hahahaha. and if t h a t doesnt convince you, wELL LOOKY HERE LOVE BUG i love you :) i mean i l o v e y o u not some quick response or something to say, but youre my best friend along with the other laughaholics. i couldnt stop loving you if i tried. you are so honest and well spoken about things that i could never do. you know how to change a convo from normal to- well.. uM s t u f f. and your characters are beans excuse me. i love you frome texas to japan and back. youre the best uwu.

to jill, aka nesta aka twin i met you in the lovely month of march. ill always remember that day. it was the best part of my year. it was the day that i found out i wasnt alone. that i could text you if i needed a laugh, or a person i could rant to about stupid stuff, but most importantly, a person who wouldnt judge me for my own tears. when i met you i was hella broken, i was hurting a lot. but when i talked to you, everything seemed to just halt. id come out of that shell i though i oh so needed. those walls came down, and i knew i could trust you. if theres anyone in the world i could ever need, itd be you, nesta. even with our fifty million ships and our crazy paragraphs to each other, were still having fun and laugh a lot. i know that youll be my partner in crime, my twin, my person, my best friend for a long time. youre so worth knowing and the assumptions about you are so wrong and people are bums for defining you wrongfully when youre truly a person thats so sweet and compassionate. i love you to the moon and back twinnie.

all of yall have made my year, and im glad im spending it with the greatest people ever. you guys are so great in each and every way. you guys are the best people of 2019 and i hope that in 2020 all of yall will be there too. i love yall so freaking much. even though most of yall are taller than me •-• thank you again for the best year. i love yall.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

As far as I know the 4 "Jesse's" killed mostly good people...

ISIS did a lot of research and hacking to ensure they didn't. Because their whole purpose was because their family was being killed and bombed and they weren't bad.

Some people know that some people are going to die in the future... And they feel sad. And i understand. But the people that will die would just take up space on death row.

They aren't innocent and good people they're bad. They have to go through their whole trials and judges and everything and we aren't even those judges. We just examine things and think "this may be one that needs to have further examination"

I'd kill all day punching people in the face but i don't want that to happen to me so I'm not going to and i don't

And so looking up missing people and solving the crimes... I know it hurts people that tried to stop the people that did kill... I know its the worst feeling in the world.

But the worst feeling isn't simple. Its complex. Its sadness for themselves, their failure to stop the crimes, sadness to the families and knowing the loss and fear and worry those families suffer.

Its a complex deep sorrow that extends to the horizon and ends right back into the chest... And it's blinding... And its all one can see and feel. It's suffocating and painful.

Every moment. Of every day.

And some times we just need to cry for ourselves. We need to realize that horizon was our future until the criminals (Jeremiah) was stopped.

And instead of the cloud of "negativity" one day that fog will lift and it will be sunny again and the sunshine will be fine to shine.

It won't feel like "how can the world go on and not care about all those people?!"

It won't feel like "why didnt they listen? Why can't they leave people alone?!?"

I know. My mom was murdered in front of my eyes and then she even bullied me after death (shes doing better today btw)

I know what it feels like to know you are actually worthless to do any good.

Now... Today we solved over 100 missing people in just 5 days... And probably can solve at least 8,000 and probably 100,000 murders... In a year..

So... While it may not feel good. Or look good. Or taste good.

It doesn't matter.

We didnt kill anyone.

Okay so may be we should had killed the killers. But we didn't

I know God still loves us. We did the ebst we could. We didn't do very good.

But now we can bring real answers to people that really dont have that real solid answer. Those people that still have that gaping wound due to their missing loved one.

And while it's not good news and it doesn't feel good to talk about.

Its healing. In the end it heals.

Alexis was crying because i found my mom's family in like 5 hours... And she waa crying all kinds. And i thought about how she didn't cry when i found her secret. But i did. A lot.

And so Matt told my gramma and aunts about it and gramma asked if i cried.

I said no, its just business.

And Abu was all whats wrong with this girl?! It just business.

Firstly I'm hoping they dont get murdered. Secondly i don't know they want anything to do with me. To meet me. Love me or hug Me. So it's just business.

My own mom didn't want me to tell Matt he was adopted. And she didn't want me to find her.

So i don't know they want anything to do with me.

I also don't know that they do.

I know one of my aunt's infiltrated into my mom's circle... With an "adopted out" 2nd cousin of my favorite great aunt... Without DNA we dont know its true... And so in Facebook shes made that infiltration. All sneak and shit.

Then of course may be she just likes to collect Facebook friends and its just a coincidence. Otherwise she's infiltrated and doesn't know...

So how can I get excited about that?

But to find links and to find there's other family and to read articles for hours about their wonderful life. Its pleasing.

I looked all the way up to my great grandpa. Who only died in 2001 and my great grandma who died in 2006.

Which is a crazy long time...

Its just not sad to me anymore. Its... I guess.., expected.

But I understand the deep woes and sympathy and sadness. And devastation.

For me.. Its about finding all the clues and putting it all together and hoping in the end i am allowed to do something with them.

There's no time to cry.

Every time i turn around is another dead person that is all #metoo

I don't feel i need to be sad. They don't want my tears. They want my ass kicking ability. They want me to finally do something. To be the one that cares since I am the one that can see. They want me to work and remember their name and their story.

I'm not God. I can't fix anything. But i can be someone that knows. I can be someone that says okay i got you, too.

And thousands of people can stand together and say "she knew. She let them live but she cares about us and not them" and it is uplifting and it feels good.

I'm a dollar short and decades late. But I still care and I still want justice. I still want truth. I want peace. I want the gift of healing.

And if all I can say is "now I know your story" then that is all I can say.

And for finding my family.. Its the same... As it is for solving dead people's murders, missing people's mysteries and unclaimed bodies way of death.

After all, that's who my mom is to me.

[katie-----luv]

ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM THORAYA MARONESY

Can you describe someone you love?

He’s tall. He’s so dumb sometimes. Very very handsome. He makes my heart beat so hard that i feel like i’ll throw up if i stay around him. Even if I'm just thinking about him or have something of his, i feel absolutely crazy about him. I can't tell anyone who it is, but i want the whole freaking world to know how much i love this person because of how amazing he is. He wears his heart on his sleeve and gives up so much to make others comfortable and happy. He matches his clothes well haha and when he smiles, he makes me wanna stare forever. I could literally look at him all day. He asks me things that no one else cares about and he makes me feel so welcome. Even though I literally cannot be with him for so many reasons, he will always be the one that i will love more than anyone in the entire universe and i hate it but it is reassuring that I can love someone so much. He’ll never leave too. And the best thing about him is he gives the most amazing hugs. Long, amazing hugs. Middle of the night or 4 am, he always wants a hug from me. And no matter why or what happened, i will always want a hug from him. Because he just makes me feel everything. I love him so much that even if it's indescribable, i still try because it's worth it for him. Even if these words barely light the candles on the cake. 

What's the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

I think my sister. We’re sisters, ya know, we hate each other one second, but the next, she is as amazing as she was before. I think she is the most beautiful because of how she deals with life. She always questions, she gets deep. She isn’t simple-minded at all, very talented in art. She is the smartest person I've ever known personally. And I love how free she is. In a sense where she doesn't want to be like everyone else. She deals with her own crap like everyone else but at the end of the day, she is still getting back up and laughing. And she is so weird too haha. She likes things like care bears and wants to move to a billion different places and do a billion different careers and marry an Australian man. Her goals and personality just crack me up.

Can you define love?

Love doesn't really have a definition in my opinion. If you really love someone, you’re left speechless, you don't have the words to define what you feel because of how overpowering it is.

Can you define hate?

Hate is a major pain that is..like it feels like someone put a blanket on your heart and took swings at it until whatever or whoever you hate walked away. It's a pain that makes you feel more angry at one thing than anything else i guess.

What's your biggest regret?

I have plenty but I guess the one that sums them all up would be ever lying. Lying is what gave me more regrets. If not lying then maybe falling in love. No one really thinks i have ever been in love but i was in love with someone and they were in love with a made up version of me pretty much. I miss them everyday and i lost them bc i lied. So yeah, goes with lying but i hate that i ever fell in love with them whether it was real them or just a lie too.

Kindest act?

When i was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a bunch of money saved up, close to $200 from birthday money and other holiday money. I spent some. I didn't know what to do with the rest, so I gave it to my school counselor to give to the leukemia charity that they were funding for the month. When they announced on the announcement that i was the biggest donator, they got my name wrong and called me Kayle instead, but I didn't care because I knew I did something good. It was $97.

Wildest dream?

I’ve had some crazy ones so it's hard to choose or remember all of one.

Biggest fear?

I used to think it was being murdered or kidnapped or maybe even spiders. Now i know that it's of being hurt. I've been hurt by lots of people before and ive cried so many times alone but didn't wanna tell anyone and pushed it down. It ended up making me do some things that i shouldn't have because I didn't wanna think about being hurt and i feel like if i have to keep pushing things down, ill continue to be afraid to speak out and be sad for a long time again.

Best and worst quality?

That's kinda hard because i have a lot of both. I guess I'll just pick at random though because i can't chose. I have a quality that can be good and bad at the same time. It's that I'm forgiving, i don't know when to give up on people. It's good because I can give people chances which makes a good friendship bc i dont just drop them. But it's bad because sometimes i give the wrong people too many chances and get hurt over and over. But when i try to figure out when to let go and give up, i do it at the wrong time and make more issues. So it's complicated.

When have you felt the most alive?

If I'm choosing a whole time period, up until 4rd grade. A moment in the times I remember, when I dropped someone holding me back. I say up until 4rd grade because all times before then, I didn't care what people thought. I was never hurt like i have been since. I was a happy kid who played with littlest pet shop and had a billion besties. And i say when i dropped someone holding me back i mean that i was hung up on someone I thought loved me unconditionally and I loved them so much. He ended up not caring about me anymore which was understandable. But later on when I finally told him to go away because all he did was make me hurt, I stopped talking to him, and I was so so so SO free.

What's the best advice you’ve been given? 

You have to love people for who they are. My mom told me this. I don't like judging people or making people hurt or uncomfortable. But sometimes people have qualities that I just can't stand but they are some of my closest friends. So when my mom told me this, I felt like if i can't love them past these qualities, maybe i need to realize whether or not i love them really, because I can't change them to fit my needs or wants.

What's been your biggest obstacle?

Trying to get passed drama whether it was created by me for myself or drama with everyone. I made mistakes, I'm human, but it's been tough trying to learn from them. Now, I'm starting to see where I went wrong and moving past it to grow. 

Most embarrassing story?

I have a lot and I physically can't make myself type any bc they're so bad.

Your perfect life partner?

Someone who doesn't care when I'm being a bum. Someone who loves me and respects me. I'm not big on too much PDA. every once in a while, i'll kiss or hold someone's hand but usually, i feel embarrassed for whatever reason. So id like them to remember that and ask or hint first. I dunno.

What does beauty mean to you? 

Beauty means personality and looks to me. It doesn't mean hot or pretty. To me, beauty is how you describe someone that's indescribable.

Favorite memory?

Well i have a lot of memories that make me smile so much. But the one that I can think of off the top of my head is probably when I went up to Ohio where my cousins live around x-mas. The year before, my little cousin Silas passed away on New Years eve. We all went to this thing where they sang xmas music, had santa, and lit up some building. Me and all my cousins had our arms around each other and we were all singing together. It felt good that even though only a year before, we lost someone so young, we could all still smile and stay strong, together.

A moment that moved you?

I was at bob evans once with my mom and sister and a random old man paid for our meal and came to us saying he just wanted too. I never forgot that old man and that happened back when I was maybe 5 or 6 and i'm way now.

What would the title of your movie be?

hm...Self-inflicted because i self inflict too many issues for myself.

How have you changed?

I’ve learned so many lessons that I needed to learn.

What do you wish you said?

I wish i apologized about so much. I also wish I told my parents why I made so many mistakes. If i had done both of those things then I wouldn't have so many regrets because I would have had less drama and maybe some support or help.

Your last words?

I'm sorry i pushed it all down.

One thing you would change about yourself?

Maybe some of the things that go through my head. I can be really rude or sound super depressed. I would change how I handle that in my head.

Biggest pet peeve?

Matching and lint/hair on clothes. If you don't match or are covered in lint/hair, it makes me feel so anxious.

What's your purpose?

I think I may actually be too young to answer, but i'll tell you when i know.

Your one simple rule?

I think I have too many to answer that.

What are you looking forward to next?

Moving away. I have so many bad relationships with friends and ive lived in the same place for my entire life. I feel like i live in a box and i need to experience other places. I want to grow in life but is hard when i'm in the same place everything has happened. So moving will help me grow a lot.

What are you most proud of?

My academic achievements. I still suck at math but I'm hoping that I can fix that and maybe I'll really have all honors classes. As of now, I have almost all honors, just missing math.

What do you miss most in life?

Feeling happy for more than a short period of time. I'm not as sad as i used to be. But back when i was always depressed, i was the definition of pushing it all away around my family. I never told my parents and still haven't told them how sad I really always felt, only the jist, because of school and life. And now, i have better things that make me happy but at the end of the day, I always feel worthless and drained.

How would you like to be treated?

I would like to be treated like i'm as equal as everyone else. My close friends know that I haven't been in a good place for a while, i went through family drama because of me for a while and i'm starting to finally fix my mistakes but it's tough because they all treat me like i can't be told about their problems since it might make me worse i guess. And I think that's also why they treat me like the ��leader’. Out of pity. It's been that way my whole life. Even as a little kid. And i hate it. I just wanted to be treated like i'm a friend not like what i need matters more than anyone else's needs because i have ‘issues’.

What do you want to let go of?

Everything that's been put in the past. I know it's been put there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I want to let go of the mistakes I made in the past because I opened my eyes and saw that that's what they are, mistakes. And even if it happened yesterday, i wanna let go, because it's time to move on if it's not happening.

What does the world need?

A big slap of sense. So many are oblivious to the issues we cause to the world and what issues are just happening to the world. While some things are serious, there are bigger problems than what celebrity slept with someone last night. Things such as suicicide and global warming are real and everyones too busy worrying about chris hemsworth’s abs and so and so’s herpes. I'm guilty of it too, but more and more I realize that there's serious things happening and no one is doing much. 

What makes you happy?

There's a few things but for some reason, my cousins makes me unbelievably happy. When I'm around them, they're not my cousins. They are the best best friends I could ever ask for. I have never loved anyone more than I love all of them. When i hear i get to see them, I'm on it! I hope for the words ‘we’re going to ohio’ every second. I absolutely love them to death, even the ones who are slower than turtles. If they were my siblings, I would want to be home daily with all of them. I cant even explain how much my heart screams to be around all of them and i have no idea why. They're all so amazing. And so are their parents and grandparents and all of them. When my family is with them, i see how much fun they have and it makes me even happier because my parents don't hangout with too many friends or close family. But with them, they talk and laugh as much as I do and I love seeing them so happy.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

OH YEAH! By friends, crushes, family. I guess if I chose one from each category, friends would be when one of my closest friends told my whole school that i had leukemia and i was getting treated. So many kids asked if I was okay and I was all, ‘what?’ when I found out, I confronted her and she lied about it. And when i didn't accept her apology, I did say some uncalled for things, but she made me feel like she could just throw away friendships left and right and she didn't care what happened. But when she lost all her friends, she cared, and she put us all on a bully form because we decided we didn't need a friend who would do something like that. And it was hard watching it happen because we’d been friends our whole life. For crushes, when I was in 5th grade, I was finally in class again with a life long crush. But he played me a bunch of times and bullied me along with his friends. That stuck with me, everything they said and did, but i only cried about it alone because I didn't think it was that serious that they bullied me. Now i see it was. For family..i think when my little cousin silas passed, I realized how serious death was because I was in 6th grade at the time, I understood it all completely. It broke me big time because id met him once and he was a sweet kid. While it brought our entire family together because of his funeral, I bawled the whole time because i felt like i could've done more to interact with him even though I never had the actual chance really. 

The hardest question I've asked?

Thats hard to answer. I think when I had to ask myself if I thought being alive was worth it. I never thought i'd be the person to have to ask myself so when i did, it hit me hard and I had to take it seriously. 

What's beautiful about you?

I think it's that i always want change and am almost always willing to change. Yeah, i'm a person so sometimes I don't want to change anything. But to me, change is so good and the fact that I'm always growing because I'm constantly needing change is beautiful because it makes me mature rather than be naive forever.

How did you find out Santa isn't real?

Oh haha. My sister. We had an elf on the shelf and her and I touched it to test if it would move still. It did. So i question if Santa was real because the elf wasn't. And i would hear people moving all the time when i went to bed x-mas eve. Yeah, i took it easily. But in the back of my head, i was always kinda salty that my sister ruined the fantasy for me. But better now than never.

How do you get through hard times?

I cry. I don't like talking about problems, I feel embarrassed and alone when I have them. So I write and I cry. Which is probably one of the worst ways to deal with it all, but music also helps and I think plenty use music to get through things.

When did you realize you weren't like everyone else?

When i realized how sad i always was. And maybe when i saw how i wasnt a super skinny kid. I'm not fat. But i'm not a stick like all these girls. And i noticed that. But yeah, when i started to feel more and more sad as I got older. And I saw how not too many others were like that.

Worst decision?

Lying because it only made life worse.

1 strange fact about me?

I have a weird birthmark where my leg starts to lead up to my underwear line on the left side. I hate wearing swimsuits like underwear because of it. It's dumb.

Most complicated question ive asked?

I honestly don't know about that one.

What do you look for in a man?

I look for a deeper part of them. I look for things like the nerdy vibes. I like nerdy or depressed guys. I don't like depressed dudes because they're depressed but because they’re the ones with the deep, interesting thoughts. And nerdy because i think dorky guys are adorable. But either way, I like when they listen and their understanding and sweet. I like when they talk a lot, but not more than me. When they make dumb jokes and do more than play video games, i like that. And when they have fashion sense. And shower.

What are you scared to share with people?

Probably what my mistakes actually are.

Earliest memory?

I have a few that I remember being super young but i don't know which one was the first one but one that I like a lot is when I was really young my mom would throw my sister and i big birthday parties and I had a close friend named Gavin Bush. he and I were close because his sister Emma was besties with my sister. But i remember at my birthday party, we were eating rice krispies together and laughing. He had a huge crush on me for the longest time and I always feel bad that I didn't notice much. But i mean, laughing with him was one of my favorite things to do back then. 

Most painful thing you've ever been told?

That i lost all trust. I lied too much and my parents told me that i lost any trust they had in me. But i try everyday to build it back up.

Kindest thing you’ve been told?

That i keep people happy, even when I'm going throw something myself. My friends have told me that even when they're mad or upset, I still make them laugh and while it pisses them off, they love that about me.

What are you ashamed of?

My body. I love some things about it and hate others. I hate my thighs and stretch marks but i remember that someone out there could care less and only cares for my mind and i feel better.

Worst thing you've done to please someone?

Lied about my whole life pretty much. Or said someone said one thing when they said the opposite to protect their feelings.

[bigskydreaming]

Everybody believes and supports survivors until the second a survivor accuses someone they’re close to. Without fail. Every single goddamn time.

That last reblog...fuck. I’m so mad for that OP I’m shaking. There’s nothing new about their post and that’s what hurts the most. That convo they posted was the same song and dance every single survivor who knows one of their abusers or rapists knows by heart and has heard so many times before they can say the words along with the person they try and confide in.

Doesn’t matter how loud someone is in saying all the right things about believing and supporting survivors, how vehement they are about hating rapists and abusers, how much they present themselves as someone SAFE to be around. The second you accuse someone THEY’VE always felt safe and comfortable around, they will always, always, ALWAYS find a way to tell you you’re wrong and don’t know what you’re talking about, you misremembered or read too much into things or got confused or mistook them for someone else or it wasn’t REALLY rape or abuse or a million fucking things that aren’t actually I SUPPORT YOU. I BELIEVE YOU. THE WAY I’VE CLAIMED TO ALL THIS TIME, MAKING YOU THINK YOU COULD ACTUALLY TELL ME THIS.

And then non-survivors all wonder why so few of us disclose, why so few of us come to you, confide in you, do the exact fucking thing we know will always end the exact fucking way BECAUSE THATS THE WAY IT ALWAYS FUCKING GOES, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SWEAR ‘I’M NOT LIKE THAT.’

And people wonder why I’m so goddamn VITRIOLIC about abuse and rape apologism in fandoms, and so goddamn adamant about not encouraging people to forgive and move on, and so fucking insistent on holding ppl accountable, whether fictional characters or celebrities or random fucking posters, for shit they’ve done even years before, not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ve changed and grown and learn from their lesson, like why am I so sure they’re still like that, ‘you don’t know’.

Except yeah. I do. Because its all so fucking predictable. The sheer number of times I’ve heard variations of that same exact combo since the first time I tried to confide in someone growing up about the shit my mom did to me....I honestly can not count. I can name less than five people I’ve confided in over the twenty five years or so since then who ACTUALLY made me feel safe in doing so, who just sat there and shut up and didn’t try to do or say anything other than “I’m sorry you had to live that, I’m sorry that happened to you.” But I couldn’t even BEGIN to tell you the number of times I’ve tried to open up with people about the shit that hurt me, that terrified me, that traumatized me, only to have them turn around and with ‘good intentions’ awkwardly try and mitigate it and dilute it and water it down or reframe it or give her the benefit of the doubt AS THOUGH ITS THEIR PLACE TO DO SO because she’s my mom and you all just can’t fucking HANDLE living in a world where moms do that shit to their kids. But you still expect ME to, without any of that much vaunted ‘belief and support’ you’re always going on and on and ON about, while you keep living in fantasy land where actually, what actually happened was she was just trying her best and it wasn’t her fault and it was all just bad dreams and remembering shit wrong because who really remembers stuff from when they were kids anyway? LOLOLOL. Fun fact. Once you know what a wire hanger feels like after its been heated on a stove, THATS NOT SOMETHING YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET.

And its exhausting. So. FUCKING. Exhausting.

Like the true, honest to god reason I don’t have any fucking chill when it comes to judging people for characters they stan for or the arguments they make in defense of abusive characters or how people will go to fucking hell and back to defend their right to enjoy their precious noncon rape fantasy smut in peace?

I’ll be totally fucking honest with you, on some fucked up level that I acknowledge is unfair but I just honestly don’t give a fuck - its a test. I admit it. It is. Because at this point in my life, this far into it, this many times listening to the same shit play out any and every single time it comes up, I fundamentally do not trust, do not feel safe, or secure, or capable of fully relaxing, around anyone unless and until I’ve seen them willing to sacrifice something. Give up something or someone, a character or celeb or friend or relative who they formerly were close to or took comfort in or spoke highly of, because that character or celeb or whomever did something that was a dealbreaker, hurt someone or said or did something that made them go you know what, enough, that’s too far, no amount of joy or comfort or security I formerly felt because of this character or person can justify this thing they did, I can see that and this is me actually DOING something with that acknowledgment.

It doesn’t have to be for my benefit, doesn’t have to be for a reason I personally agree with, whatever, it just needs to be SOMETHING. Something visible, something real. Not just hating certain characters or celebs or people, but ones who once meant something to you, something that says.....I used to think this person or this character or this celeb was good and I could like them or even love them and be comfortable and safe around them.....but then someone told me otherwise and I BELIEVED THEM. I SUPPORTED THEM. I. PICKED. THEM.

Because without that, it just is what it is. I don’t care if its not rational, or fair, I just don’t. Twenty five years of the same broken record, I’m tired. I’ve heard “I believe, I support” to the accompanying tune of actions that say the exact opposite so many fucking times it does honestly take a shock to the system, the goddamn JOLT of actually SEEING the proof that at least once, you DID believe someone, you DID do something with that belief, for me to actually think oh fuck, they actually mean it this time instead of oh look, a person who gets off to rape fic is reblogging a ‘look how much I support survivors, Im such a good person’ ego-stroke again.

You can say all you want oh its just fiction, it doesn’t mean anything that I stan this abusive character or this celeb I don’t know, if a person in my REAL LIFE came to me and said this other person I know hurt them, I’d believe THEM, that’d be totally different....but its NOT. Its not remotely and I dont know how so many ppl actually buy this shit coming out of their own mouths cuz if it doesnt really matter cuz its a fictional character or a celeb you dont even know and you STILL cant bear to give up whatever enjoyment you get out of them once its pointed out hey that person or character you enjoy is a fucking rapist....then how the FUCK do you delude yourself you’d be able to give up a person you’ve spent any length of time trusting and being comfortable around in your real, personal life, if someone else disclosed to you that they fucking abused or raped them??? YOU WOULDN’T. AND I KNOW YOU WOULDN’T, BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU GUYS SAY IN DEFENSE OF THESE CELEBS OR THESE PEOPLE ARE THE EXACT WORDS I’VE HEARD SAID OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

So many of you act like you think there’s this magical fucking SIGN you expect to get from on high, if shit like this ever happened in real life, that would magically distinguish it as an OH SHIT THIS TIME ITS FOR REAL moment, like okay NOW its make it or break it time, NOW it matters. And survivors keep telling you over and over again it ALWAYS matters. EVERY TIME you say this shit it ALWAYS matters, because what you’re always saying is what EVERYONE says.....”if I try hard enough, I can find SOME WAY to excuse this shit, so I don’t have to lose anything here, so I can keep going through life exactly as I have been.”

Somehow, some way, it always plays out the same....the SECOND we do or say something that puts someone on the spot, makes them CHOOSE, who will I believe, who will I support.....they always, always, ALWAYS find a way to support the other person, to make you the easy one to discard and toss away, like you’re the problem, you’re the enemy for making them choose in the first place.

Ugh. Fuck it. Whatever. I’m tired and gotta get back to work anyway. Not to be bitter or resentful, but that’s what happens when you’ve got no family as a support system cuz you ‘alienated’ them all by spending most of your life hating them for making you spend every Tuesday night alone with the woman they’ll still never admit abused you every week like clockwork til you finally fucking put your foot down and fucking revolted when you were ten, lmao.

[thedumbdeputy]

I posted 1,642 times in 2021

121 posts created (7%)

1521 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 12.6 posts.

I added 582 tags in 2021

#far cry 5 - 136 posts

#fc5 - 109 posts

#jacob seed - 79 posts

#john seed - 58 posts

#fc5 fandom - 53 posts

#joseph seed - 36 posts

#far cry deputy - 34 posts

#the cowboy corvus - 28 posts

#fc5 ocs - 26 posts

#rdr2 - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#a part of me is still like i feel bad and i wanna help youre beautiful and gorgeous and i wanna be friends

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Introduction

This is my little introduction about me, my page and my interest!

Check me out

Name: I go by X or Rae

Gender: Genderfluid

Pronouns: Prefer They/Them, also go by She/Her

Sexuality: Heterosexual, yknow men

Fandoms: Far Cry 5, Far Cry New Dawn, Red Dead 2, Green Day, Furry(?)

Interest: Art, Music, Vulture Culture, Crow Core, Gardening, Cooking and Baking, Nature, Witch stuff (specifically Druidry)

Chaotic Lawful

Lonely but uh

I like to do art, I don't have any commissions because I like to keep my art lighthearted and fun but maybe one day I will start them. If you are interested in any of my art I am always open to request and will draw almost anything within my fandoms

If you're interested in any of my characters and their stories and family I have a huge family tree connecting my Red Dead oc's all the way to my Fc5 ones so go check that out

https://sta.sh/22bm29cavuyq

33 notes • Posted 2021-04-16 14:52:02 GMT

#4

My mom just saw the pictures of Jacob seed i have as my background and she was like "whos that" and i said a video game character and she said "hes not real right" and i said no and she said "cause hes nice looking"

I know mom, i know

34 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 19:32:06 GMT

#3

How you're supposed to beat jacobs boss fight: "Go up the mountain and fight him up there"

How I beat jacobs boss fight: *shot him with a roclet launcher behind a rock*

50 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 14:29:08 GMT

#2

My Headcannons for Jacob and his S/O

Im bored and was reading so heres some of my personal HC's, you dont have to agree. Just sharing

Actually enjoys cuddling, like he acts like he doesnt but when theyre alone hes all over them

Not a fan of PDA but if no one is around he will hold their hand or if they're in the woods he may hold them very close or pick them up

If he see's someone getting a little too friendly he will become very posessive of them and make it known they are his and his is theirs

Likes to mark them and make it known to everyone

Good at comforting them when something is wrong but doesnt know howto accept when they comfort him

They still try anyways though and it eventually gets through, just takes longer

They're his stress relief, after a long day he just wants to be with them cause they feel like the only good thing in his life

Hes always worried about them and cares for them alot

If theyre a very soft S/O he always wants to protect them and keep them safe even if he didnt like that when they first met

If theyre a strong S/O he is always very proud when they take things into their own hands but still wants to keep them safe cause he's soft boi

He can be very rough and tough or gentle and loving depending on his or his S/O's mood

Very good with his hands in more ways than one

Enjoys going out into the woods and exploring with them, normally brings the judges along as well

Doesn't always know how to express his love but tries too

Doesn't know how to accept the love his given cause hes never experienced it but slowly learns how to

Generally very confident and, of course, strong but gets nervous the first time him and his S/O get to bed

Worried what they'll think of his scars they can't see

Maybe I'll start writing again but if any of y'all sre interested ill write headcannons for anyone requested

91 notes • Posted 2021-04-16 00:02:53 GMT

#1

That moment when you keep thinking about men who are emotionally damaged and just a little too old for you

110 notes • Posted 2021-09-08 01:04:54 GMT

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[corvid-knight]

Can't Stop Won't Stop

Hoo boy.

Instead of an attempt at a real summary, I'm just going to say a couple things here. One, this is an old fic. Either the second or third homestuck thing I ever wrote. Two, this was written when I was in maybe the shittiest mental state I've ever been in, so like. It's kind of straight out wish fulfillment ("hey I hate my life love me" kind of thing.) (Also I swear things have gotten a hell of a lot better since I wrote this. Like. Don't worry.)

There's self-harm in this.

There's also a rare instance of me writing Dave rapping. I'm still very proud of that even if it sucks.

Nobody dies and there's no blood spilt. I promise.

(Read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031870)

You are DAVE STRIDER. You're alone in your room, in the dark but for the glow of your computer screen. You're still wearing your shades, though—you always wear the shades, partly because your best bro John gave them to you, partly because you don't like people to see your eyes, and partly because your eyes are hella sensitive to light. Of course, if anyone asks, you wear them because you are the coolest dude on earth.

Not that that's saying much anymore. You, John, Dirk (not your Bro, no matter how much he looks and talks and acts like your Bro he's not), and Jake are probably the last male humans in this universe. And it's your fault, isn't it? You started the game that ended the world.

You push your shades up onto your forehead, rub your eyes, and settle them back into place again.

John's called you a hero, but you're...

You started the game.

You were too afraid to kill your own sleeping self and go godtier.

You were too slow and weak to help your Bro.

You started the game, and that's the one that repeats in your head, all the splintered versions of yourself murmuring it because in everything that you've done that's the thing that haunts you. You invited John into this, you entered as his server player, you were the one who didn't see the danger until it was too late, you were the one who ended the world. You were the one who killed everyone, really, John's dad and Rose's mom and your own Bro, and everything that followed was a result of what you did.

You are anything but a hero.

You shake off the dark thoughts, for a moment at least, and open a new tab in your browser, pulling up the question forum where you left a question. It was simple enough: Is suicide considered either Heroic or Just? In other words, if you're godtier and you kill yourself, will it take?

You went full-on anonymous. Plain black text, no username or anything. Nothing to show who you are.

There's a reply. Five words, in off-yellow text: dont bee a fuckiing iidiiot.

You stare at the words for a moment, then type in a placating reply: It's just a question. Don't get all uptight, dude.

You know who uses that color and quirk, but this forum seems to exist in a half-dozen timelines at once, and you've gotten answers from past and future versions of your friends before, so it might not be exactly who you think it is.

Before you even finish that thought, another message comes up: ii'm not beeing uptiight, youre beeing 2tupiid. death fuckiing hurt2, and the people you leave beehiind get hurt even wor2e.

Your fingers move across the keyboard, spelling out your thoughts and hitting the enter key before you can think about what you're saying: I deserve it, death can't hurt any more than living does, and no one cares enough to be hurt when I do it.

Reading your words onscreen, you realize that you wrote "when" instead of "if." It's really the first time that you admitted, even to yourself, that you're going to go through with this.

While you're still considering that admission, more words come up: 2top. just 2top, ok? ii dont care how much you thiink people hate you. even iif you think there i2 no one out there who care2, there ii2 2omeone, 2omewhere, who wiill cry when youre gone. dont you fuckiing dare hurt your2elf, 2triider.

You puzzle over the last word for a minute before you see that it's supposed to be your name. When you get it, you freeze for a second, then type: I'm not Strider. I don't know who you're talking about.

This time the reply comes back almost immediately: come on dude. we both know ii'm capable of traciing you back, and you diidnt exactly cover your track2. and ii mean what ii 2aiid. iif your hurt your2elf, youre hurtiing everyone who know2 you, and ii'm countiing my2elf iin that. ii dont have enough friiend2 to lo2e another one, dave.

"Damn it," you mutter. "Don't make this about you, Sollux." You type in: You don't know me.

You're about to close the tab and shut down your computer for the night, but before you can move the cursor to the X, another message comes up: 2triider, ii know you better than ii know my be2t friiend. ii know what iit'2 liike to know that your friiend2 are goiing to diie, and have to 2tand iidly by and do nothiing. ii know what it'2 like to 2ee your lu2u2—or parent, whatever—diie in front of you. ii know about your brother, ii know you thiink you kiiled hiim, and ii'm here to tell you that you diidnt.

You hit each key deliberately, but not as hard as you want to: dont talk about bro to me.

You wait for the answer this time, and it does come: you diid nothiing wrong. there wa2 nothing any of u2 could have done to 2ave hiim. to 2ave any of them. ii know, dave.

Your lip hurts from how hard you're chewing on it. It's a stupid nervous habit that Bro trained you out of when you were ten, and you've only started doing it again since he's been gone. You type: Shut up. You don't know anything about it, you weren't there.

The screen stays static after your text comes up, and you stare at it, biting your lip and praying that no more yellow text will come up, that you'll reach the point when you can shut down the computer and walk away. You think of walking into the bathroom, opening the cabinet in the dark and reaching up to the back of the top shelf, feeling around for the still-sealed box of razor blades—

But more words are appearing, under your last ones: ii kiilled my mate2priit wiith my own hands. my lu2u2 diied a2 ii watched. the giirl that could have been my mate2priit 2tepped iin front me and diied takiing a hiit that wa2 2uppo2ed to kiil me. ii wa2 almo2t 2 where you are now, and iit took a hell of a lot of repiitiion2 for my friiend2 2 get thii2 through my thiick 2kull: no matter what you diid or thiink you diid, you dont get to pa22 judgement on your2elf. you are not your own judge, jaiilor, and executiioner. you are not.

You stare at the screen. You honestly don't know what to say to that, what arguements you could use, because half of you can see the truth there.

After a moment, more words come up: 2triider? you 2tiill there?

"How can you know me this well?" you ask, leaning back and pulling your shades off, letting them dangle loosely from one hand, and in the same breath you say, "You don't know shit."

More yellow text comes up: goddammiit 2triider

"I killed everyone," you say, and every bit of your soul believes that statement. You let the shades slip out of your fingers, onto the floor, as you tip the chair back, finding perfect equilibrium and balancing it on two legs. "Every one of my friends, over and over again."

And more: dave fuckiing an2wer me

"I'm worse than useless." You close your eyes. "When I die, at least I can't kill them again."

You'll get up. In a minute, and you do mean in a minute, but suddenly you're tired and you want to sit for a sec. When you get up, you'll go into the bathroom. No need for the lights—you know where what you need is, and you know where the shower is. You can turn the shower on in the dark, that'll wash most of the blood away and make it a little less disgusting for whoever finds you.

Someone shouts—a hoarse inarticulate battle cry—and, from the sound of it, slams a battering ram into your door. Startled, you overbalance the chair. "Shit—" You swallow the rest of the sentence as you hit the floor, bite your lip, and taste blood.

The door's locked, but whoever's pounding on it doesn't seem to care, and after a second blow something splinters. For a moment, even the low light from the hallway is too bright, and you have to blink a few times before you can recognise who it is in your doorway.

Whoever it is short and dark, with nubby horns that almost hide under the artfully messy black hair. Karkat Vantas, you realize a moment before he starts shouting.

"Strider! Fucking answer me!" He sounds angry, he always sounds angry, but there's a current of worry underneath the anger that you've never heard from him before. "Dave!"

"Did you just break my door down?" You sit up, fingering your lip. It hurts, and there's blood staining your fingers when you take your hand away. "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"You—" Karkat looks past you, higher than your head. At the computer screen behind you. "Fuck..." And he strides across the room and kneels next to you. "Sollux messaged me. He said he was afraid you were going to do something stupid."

"I'm fine." It's a lie, you can hear how bad a lie it is as you say it. You fumble around on the floor, looking for your shades in the faint light from the hall and from your computer. After a second, your hand brushes against them, and you scoop them up. Before you can put them back on, Karkat snatches them out of your hand.

"Don't you fucking lie," he growls, reaching back and setting them on the desk, out of your reach. "Don't you distance yourself like that. What the fuck are you thinking? You can't just die, it doesn't work like that. How the fuck do you think the rest of us are going to feel?"

You wipe your mouth again, and look at the faint streak of red instead of at Karkat. "I'm the reason you can count 'the rest of us' on your fingers," you point out quietly. "You'd be better off—"

"Fucking nooksniffer bulgebrain wriggler," Karkat mutters, and puts his hands on your head, the hollows of his palms at your temples. He pulls your head up, forcing you to meet his strange eyes, shockingly yellow and black with no sclera, framed by shadows darker than his grey skin. His hands are warm, further reminding you how alien he is. "Stop talking like you're fucking expendable. You're a person, not some piece in some cosmic fucking game, and you're not fucking killing yourself."

"I—" You have some arguement, you have it half-planned in your mind, but he runs his hands upward through your hair, like you're some small animal he's petting, and the strangeness of it—the amazing gentleness of his hands, so much at odds with his anger—drives everything else out of your head.

Karkat makes a noise that isn't anything like a word, just a incoherent expression of anger. "What do you humans even do without horns?" he mutters. "I don't fucking get how you people calm each other down. I...fuck." He takes his hands out of your hair—you find yourself oddly sad about that—and sits back on his heels, dragging one arm across his face. When he takes it away, you realize that he's close to tears. "I'm no fucking good at this shit," he says, reaching out with one sharp-nailed finger and wiping a last bit of blood off your lips. "I got fucking lucky last time, one time, and now Sol texts me...he knows how I feel about you, he knows I couldn't stay away and let you..."

"Wh-what?" Something about him is incredibly calming, it always is, even when he's shouting; it's like he's some soothing drug, making you feel like everything is almost all right. But sometimes, you find yourself listening to his voice so closely that you miss what words he's saying. He can't have implied what you inferred. "I don't—"

"You need a moirail, or a fucking matesprit," Karkat says bluntly, "and I wish it was me. And don't give me that 'not a homosexual' shit—number one, it doesn't make any fucking sense, and number two, I've seen how you look at Egbert." He shakes his head, meeting your eyes for a second and then looking down. "You...fuck, I don't know."

"I...this isn't about John. None of this is about him." You feel your face heating up, a blush that you know lights your albino skin like a traffic light. Karkat's right: you look at John, when he's not paying attention, and you had a crush on him, when you met him and before you met him, and you love him and always will, like a brother. But he isn't interested in you as anything else, and you know it, and the peeks that you sneak add up to nothing more than one more guilt to be thrown upon a pile already sky-high. "I never said I was straight—"

"I don't know what that means." Karkat shrugs.

"It means..." Staring at his lowered head, you get an urge to touch him, to feel the heat of his skin, and instead of finishing your sentence, instead of thinking of all the reasons you shouldn't, you reach out and run your fingers through his black hair. It's soft and a little tangled, and as you move your fingers you brush against one of his stubby horns.

Karkat makes a sound like a soft growl, deep in his throat, and his eyes snap up to meet yours. There's pain on his face, pain and sorrow and fear and hope and desire all snarled up together. He reaches out, laying his hands gently against your head again, letting his fingers get tangled in your white hair. He closes his eyes, growling so softly that it can't be called a growl, so softly that he isn't growling, he's...he's purring.

"Karkat," you say, connecting the noise that he's making with his name and forgetting everything in your life except this ridiculous coincidence, this lingual joke across two universes. "Karkat, like a fucking cat, you're a cat, oh my god—"

Karkat lets you go, brushing off your hands as you start to laugh. Fifteen minutes ago you were alone in this room, ready to end everything and force a personal game over, and now you're laughing at a dumb pun that no one in particular created. And that thought makes you laugh harder.

"You really know how to ruin the moment," Karkat grumbles, crossing his arms and looking away from you.

You're still laughing as you lean forward, put one hand under his chin to turn his face to you, and kiss him.

He hesitates for a second, barely long enough for you to fear that you're wrong to do this—and then he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer and kissing you back.

Karkat tastes like salt and sweetness, like something foreign and exotic, something that you've been looking for your entire life and never found before now. His teeth are smooth as you run your tongue across them, nubby like his horns but wickedly sharp, sharp enough to make you feel like you're on the verge of cutting your tongue, that kissing him is flirting with danger like you'd love to flirt with him. He's growling—or purring—again, and it feels like your head is resonating with it, with him.

You slip your hands up under his shirt, touching his skin. Sliding your hands across his chest, feeling the ridges of his ribs, his heart beating faster than yours ever could.

Karkat moans, exhaling into your mouth, then pulls away. He doesn't let go of you, though. "Wait," he says, and you get an unreasonable flash of pride at how out-of-breath he sounds. "No...no pailing, okay? Not tonight. You...you need something to look forward to, and you need to sleep."

He shifts his grip as you're parsing that sentence, then stands up, lifting you like you weigh next to nothing. The pure shock of it holds you still for a moment—he's tiny, he barely comes up to your shoulders, how can he pick you up this easily?—and then you twist in his arms. "Karkat, c'mon, put me down—"

"Would you fucking cooperate?" The door to your bedroom is ajar; Karkat kicks it open and carries you through, depositing you unceremoniously on the bed. "There; you're down." He flicks on the light, then pulls his shirt off over his head, folding it in a few quick motions and laying it on top of your dresser.

"What are you doing?" You sit up, flicking hair out of your eyes.

"You think I'm gonna leave you alone?" Karkat glares at you, crossing his arms defensively in front of his chest. "And come back tomorrow morning, and find you fucking dead? No fucking way. Move over."

You don't, but he sits down on the bed anyway.

"Karkat—" You stop yourself. Take a deep breath, hold it for a second, let it out again. You don't know why you're arguing with him; you don't want him to go. "Okay."

And you do something that you wouldn't do if it were someone else sitting there, if it were John or Dirk or fucking anyone but Karkat—or if you hadn't seen the oh-so-faint scars covering his chest and back like spiderwebs, only a shade paler than his grey skin. You pull your shirt off, wadding it into a ball and tossing it off the end of the bed. It takes all of your self-control to keep your hands at your sides, to not cross your arms and try to hide what's on your skin.

"Wow." Karkat's tone is soft, not pitying but maybe a bit sad. He touches you lightly with one long-nailed finger, starting at your shoulder and following the tracery downward. "What are they from?"

Usually, you don't talk about your scars. Usually, you don't even admit they exist. Now, you take Karkat's hand and guide it to the worst and most noticable one, the thick vertical line dead center of your chest. "This one's from Jack Noir. When he...stabbed me. Killed me." You move his hand upward, to one running diagonally across your shoulder. This one's thinner, but longer as well, and you can still remember when it happened. "This one, I was sparring with Bro, and one of us fucked up. Probably me." To the other side, lower, a horizontal cut that's faded to almost nothing. "The first time I ever practiced with Bro, I didn't realize that blades bounce, and he...he didn't know I wouldn't know that."

Karkat pulls his hand down to your stomach, brushing his fingers against the close-set ladderwork of horizontal scars there. "How about these?" His voice is unspeakably gentle, so much so that he doesn't sound like the Karkat you know, and you know he already knows the answer to the question.

"Those—" You have to stop for a second. You've never admitted this, not to anyone, and as far as you know no one knows. "Me. Those are from me, okay?"

Every one of those cuts is for a memory of your Bro. After he died, after you knew he was gone, you sat in the dark and you went through your mind, searching out reasons you shouldn't miss him. For every one you found, you cut another line into your skin.

There were so many reasons.

When you turned the light on, you were kind of surprised by how much blood there was.

You're shaking.

Karkat growls in what sounds like annoyance, and stands up. You watch him, afraid that he's going to leave but somehow unable to call him back.

He steps over to the light switch and flicks it off. Your night vision is awful, and as soon as the room goes dark you are, effectively, blind, but you can hear the mattress creak as he sits down.

"Lie down, Dave." That strange gentleness is still in his voice, and as soon as you do what he says he rolls over next to you, putting one arm across your chest like an anchor.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, and you don't even know what you're apologising for.

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay. Go to sleep."

"I love you." You don't know why you say that. It's true, but you've never said it to anyone before, not that you can remember; you've always been too afraid to say it.

"Yeah. I love you, too, if it means what I think it does." Karkat sighs. "Go the fuck to sleep, Dave."

And you close your eyes, and you fall asleep, with Karkat lying warmly against you.

You are KARKAT VANTAS, and you can see a little better that Dave can in this darkness, which is to say that you can just make out vague shapes. You watch Dave in the dark, feeling the rythm of his breath slow and stabilize, fall into a calm pattern. He's asleep now, and you can stop worrying. For a minute, at least.

You're not going to leave him here. You're not going to go to sleep, either. Ever since this game started, ever since you first loaded that fucking game into your computer, you've been plagued with intense nightmares. Even before this all started, you had trouble sleeping sometimes; now that you're almost afraid of what waits for you in your dreams, you often stay awake until you physically can't keep your eyes open any longer.

And you don't like human-style beds all that much. Recupracoons make so much more sense.

You run your fingers across Dave's scars again, lightly enough that you won't wake him, starting with the worst one—Jack's—and working your way outward in a widening spiral. His scars show up so much worse than yours—human skin must not heal as efficiently as troll skin. Either that, or Dave's been hurt almost to the point of dying, over and over again.

You don't want to believe that, but you could—Dave looks and talks tough, seems cool and polished, but when he lets his guard fall, he's so fractured and fragile that it hurts your fucking heart. He's like no one you know; if he'd been a troll, he would have either been culled by now or been selected to train as an elite soldier. You'd like to believe the latter, but you honestly don't know.

And he's not a troll, anyway. He's human, uniquely beautiful and alien, different from you and from everyone you've always known. He is like a reflection of yourself in a cracked mirror, like the other half of everything you are.

You're barely awake, at this point. The realization alone should be enough to banish sleep, but all you can find the energy to do is mutter, "Fuck it," and squirm a little closer to Dave.

His skin is cooler than yours, you think as you close your eyes. Like a highblood's, or maybe not a highblood...Terezi? Equius? Not Gamzee, if you remember right (which you might not; it's been so long since you've touched Gamzee, and that though brings a pang of guilt), warmer than Gamzee's skin but only by a little...

You're still contemplating blood tempature when you fall asleep.

Sleep is as big a mistake as you knew it would be, fraught with blood like a liquid rainbow, pain that's only a shadow of what pain can be but still hurts like fuck, memories that are undeniably your own (no matter how much you'd like to deny them) and memories that are hellishly familiar and yet bewilderingly not-yours. Part of the time you know that you're dreaming, but you still can't force yourself awake.

When you do finally wake up, you do it with a stifled whimper, your hands closing convulsively on—

Flesh. Dave's shoulders. At some point, you moved even closer to him, draping yourself over him and curling against him, and now you're pretty fucking sure you just drove your fingernails deep enough into his skin to draw blood. And you're still in the grip of the nightmare, unable to breathe deep enough to apologise, unable to do anything other than shake and cling to him.

"Bad dream?" Dave's whisper is barely loud enough to be heard over your own heartbeat. "I know how that is."

You breath as deeply as you can, shedding some measure of the unreasoning fear, growl, "I'm fucking fine," and immediately regret saying it.

Dave is silent for a second. "Fine," he replies, thoughtfully. "I know I'm not fine, and I don't think you are, either. Not really. But that's okay." One of his hands comes up, stroking your hair but staying well clear of your horns—even though he's not troll, he seems to get that there are times when horns can be touched and times that they definitely should not be. "Right?"

You can feel the vibration that'll become a purr starting in your chest, and it makes you feel even more ashamed for snapping at him. "I'm sorry," you mutter.

Dave considers that for another long moment, fingers combing absently through your hair. When he speaks again, it's not in a whisper but in a low voice that has a cadence that you've heard from him before, when he's rapping with someone else. "So fine my line between loving and dying, in the nick of time you arrive and you strive to keep me alive, don't let me take a dive, you know you saved my life, broke me out of my strife, brought me relief and taught me belief with the words that you weave—" He runs out of breath, inhales sharply, and keeps going, although his voice goes a bit hoarser with every word, "Karkat, please don't leave, you're what I need and without you I'd bleed: words, blood, and pain, colder than death's reign, I would go insane, you're all that can tame the storm in my brain—"

Dave's voice cracks, and he stops rapping. You can hear his breathing, though, ragged and uneven, as he fights not to cry.

"Fuck," you say softly. You can feel your own tears on your face. "Oh, fuck, Dave, fucking..." There are no words, nothing you can find to say, so instead you reach out in the dark, finding Dave's face and wiping tears away as gently as you can. You're so bad at this, always have been, and you're afraid that you'll do something to hurt him worse as you try to comfort him.

Without even thinking, you run one hand through his hair, feeling for horns and not finding any. Dave sighs shakily as you mentally curse yourself.

"Don't leave me," he says quietly, and his voice breaks again on the second word. "Please—"

"You're fucking kidding me." You lean forward, pressing your lips against his forehead for a brief second. "I'd rather cut off my right hand than leave you alone, Strider, and don't you fucking forget it."

He exhales sharply, a gasp turned inside out, and pulls you down just a little, just enough that your mouth meets his. This kiss is even better than the first time, if that's possible. It lasts what seems like forever and like no time at all, and this time Dave's the one who breaks it.

"Are we—are we still on 'no pailing?'" he asks, and you can hear a wicked smile in his voice. "Because if we are, I might be about to have a problem—"

"Fuck that," you tell him, and find his mouth with your own again.

And he is smiling, and you swear on your soul that you won't ever let him stop.

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I haven’t a clue how to answer this. I’m really not close to Kile now. my other friends I’m not mad at.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? ugh. yeah. I would never ever ever go to their house.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? depends on where I buy the underwear. I’m tryin to replace all the ones I was gifted so it just depends.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? lol nathan i would rag on him only to his face, never behind his back. 

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? no. I have like twinkle lights on and a candle on.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? to be entirely honest I have to purge my shoes 

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? water, water, water

Did you sleep in past noon today? no. I typically sleep like 3-4 hours. Right now tho I take sleeping pills to try and let my body recover and i seldom do so until like after 1-2 am

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? once and she thinks its whats made her so bitter.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? yep. used to always paint my friends nails

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? moms bday! i love that!!!!

Who is your last missed call from? umm, honestly no idea. I’d have to look 

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? man its been a hot minute

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? never really had one 

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? yes

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? Personally I did not because I did not have money I was a child, but my family had flags all over

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? of course

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yep. plenty. we like pictures here.

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? normal? what is that even like 

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t have an mp3 but of course I have her on my spotify

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I hate phone calls unless its like mom or kile or someone I’m like into to lol

Do you like peanut M&M's? yes

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? a long time. that was never really my thing but shoot now i want one

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? yikes a long time ago

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? last winter and I CANT WAIT for some now

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? yeah

What was the last song stuck in your head? lol a song kara was singing

Do you enjoy doing math? I truly despise it.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? not many. she knows I know her well

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? probably yeah

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? both! definitely

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? the really like nude colored tshirts or like yellows/golds look rough on me I think.

Do you use scented soap in the shower? yep!

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? no, not that I can recall. not my thing

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? my nephew lol of course it was enjoyable

Do you like convertibles? yes of course but I don’t want one every day cus of the sun damage 

Have you ever yelled at the television? plenty of times lol

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? who has mp3′s anymore. my spotify playlist has plenty of sex songs lol

Do you like water parks? they kinda freak me out

Dark or light colored jeans? dark

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? nope. def not

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? um no but some of it

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? yes lol

How many different colors are you wearing right now? im just in a tshirt and panties at the moment. so pink and blue

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? yes

Are you double-jointed anywhere? nope

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? a couple hours I think

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? yes but i wasn’t aware of it at the time 

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? my dad would have lost his mind. I really only ever did that at my friends house but her family let them put like gross stuff in the sandbox and i was pretty grossed out by it

How about on the monkey bars? I did like those

Have you ever made an alarm go off? probably yes

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? yup. my brows are naturally SUPER blonde. nothing wrong with that, i just prefer a darker brow

Did you ever own a pop-up book? yes

Have you ever honked at a biker? i am not sure, I doubt it. I seldom honk

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? once a muscle relaxer cus my mom was like seriously you need this lol

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? I mean like top golf and the driving range but not like a genuine 18 holes or anything

Do you use gel in your hair? not usually but I am curious to do so

Do you own a garden gnome? def not. kinda creepy

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? yes

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? usually yes and then I switch to my slippers

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? oh im sure

What is the most effective device at the gym? I dont go to the gym

Can you drive a stick shift? I used to be able to but I wouldn’t trust it now

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? definitely not

How good are you at giving directions? I’m not always great at recalling street names but I’m very good at giving landmarks and general ideas of how far and such.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? last week sometime. I keep them covered up because its too hot with sunshine in this room so all summer long I like to keep it cool

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? absolutely. but it would be extremely hard for anyone to see into my room. not like i’d care

Have you ever given a foot massage? i dont like getting touched like that

Do public restrooms freak you out? not freak me out no, but i dont love it

Have you ever taken a shower outside? not that I can think of. I can’t imagine where I would have

Have you ever been to a junkyard? yes. my dad was a garbage-man for a long time so I was familiar

What do you think of Brad Pitt? no real opinion

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? yeah.. ehhh, maybe?

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? HA yes to my siblings 

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? yes

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? yes. I have no reason to know my dads but its the same number hes had since I was a kid

Is your bedroom carpeted? no. I do have a rug down, but no not a carpet

Right now, what color is your tongue? pink?

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? probably years ago

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? i love my phone. this is like my dream phone. I’ll have to consider getting rid of it cus its kiles line but ugh. that stresses me out

Who is your favorite super hero? no real preference

How about your favorite villain? --

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? yepppppp i do

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? a chicken sammich on gf pita omfg its so good

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? yeah mom is usually working so its me. I usually bake cookies and watch Christmas movies lol. but this year I have a broken oven

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? right now very sexy nights

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? i always seem to miss like 2

Does the early bird really catch the worm? I think usually yes

[sexxxlovemusic-blog]

Screaming.....

I really dont understand what is going through my head, because it's seriously nothing.... at all!! yet I feel like I want to cry all the time. And I come home to your arms and it all goes away. I'm going to start these stupid pills again, maybe if they make me sick my mind will understand that I'm okay and dont need them or something so I can stop having this constant war in my head. Fuck I have such a headache.... and all I want is the day to be over so I can fall asleep in your arms, even though I just woke up not to long ago.....

I just want it all to be over in my head. I wish help was more affordable. I could probably really use someone to talk to so I can get over everything from my past. I just want to be completely happy. I want my mind to just stop putting me in a dark place even though nothing is currently wrong. Everything is amazing right now, I live on my own with my one and only true love, I have a family and a job and a couple friends I can count on but dont see often enough... Yet i guess i just dont feel good enough to be a part of it all.. my mind makes me feel like a waste of space or waste of time.....

The other day I got a flower from my man, as I look at it now I feel happier and I know for a fact I am loved. And.... like I said.... everything is fine! So, why does my head hurt and not feel fine? I want it to go away!!!! I want to lift this darkness off my shoulders and just watch it disappear forever. Hmmm... maybe I've got like..... a personality disorder or some shit like that. My mind seriously takes me out of anything and just sticks me in a hole of bad and horrible things. And I can be perfectly fine the next day. And just keep jumping in and out of this hole multiple times through the week........ And I feel like I'd bother anyone if I say another word about not being happy when I truly have nothing to complain about....

So here is my rant of nothingness. Meh.... I know I reminisce about the past a little to much, yeah I miss my past friends and wish I could go back for some things to keep..... like my mom for sure is the biggest one.... And there is a big reason why these "friends" aren't in my life anymore and I just need to move on... I know that's not a healthy thing to do and I just need to keep looking at my future and stop turning back...... But my future scares me, I dont know where I'm going to end up, or how bad im going to mess up, if im going to end up with a cute family of my own, or if my kids are going to hate me, or if im even going to have kids........

Will I end up alone and be grumpy like my dad? Or will I end up traveling the world like I dream of doing and have the brightest of days? Or will life get the best of me at a young age like my mom....... It's so scary to think about.

I hate not knowing... And living in the moment is kinda a drag for me, doing the same thing every day, work, sleep, eat, clean, have sex once in a while, the most amazing sex I've ever had. Haha! But, yeah, idk, mostly the same things every day. Maybe I should get into drawing again. Or writing even... even though i am not good at them in any way shape or form. Haha. There's a reason why i almost failed every class i took ever. I want to see something new, go somewhere i haven't been.

Maybe this vacation next week, instead of going somewhere that'll make me sad, maybe we can go to something new. Granted, this place that makes me sad, it also has some of the best memories, it's my childhood, it's my family, its.......not there anymore.......

And now I'm crying...... oh how I wish it was still there..... How I wish my family reunions were still there, how I wish my man could meet all the people who are now gone forever....... The people who I truly loved most, the ones my dad got alone with, my dad doesn't like who's left as much as the ones who are gone.... I'm not close with the family that I have now. I'm the outcast and I know at least a couple who might be judging me for my decisions.... And all the people that are gone were the outcasts too...... my mom, the gay uncle who gave us the best times at the park, my.... great aunt?? I cant remember, but she was so sweet and lovable and cute and always took care of me when I fell as a kid, when she was gone, the house was gone thanks to her nasty daughter...... Then there's all the others who taught me how to play golf which is the closest thing I now have with my dad...... I'm pretty sure every single one is gone now......

I haven't seen any of them in I think over 10 years now..... sigh....... I wish I could go back and just see them all once more and give them all the biggest hug, I was just a kid back then and never got to tell them all goodbye....... I wish I could walk through our house again, play slapjack in the living room and watch the old VHS movies I'd bring every year...... I wish we could go looking for arrowheads again, and pet the horses or play horseshoes even..... listen to the heavy rains in the trailer. Or be huddled up close to everyone in the house as it hailed..... Listen to my grandpas stories again and pay better attention to them, I was the stupid child who always had headphones in while in the car so I didn't listen........or I wish I could play poker with him and my cousins again... I need to go visit him and grandma soon...... He can hardly talk or walk anymore so his stories are all with him now..... God damn.......

......There's just so much, my family was big and I took it for granted, I thought I'd have so much more time, and now it's not so much and it's going to be separated even more...... I just feel like I didn't get enough time with anyone...... I didn't get as many hugs as I wanted. And I know they are gone and there is nothing I can do.... but I wish there was...... just for a split moment even...... its just to hard for me not to think about them all...... I miss it all so much..... They need to come back.....

So hey..... that's where my head is..... I can probably keep going but this post is already long enough...... I am totally fine in the moment, but my past and my future have me in a turmoil in my mind.... there is to much I wish I could have back.... And to be with them again requires death, which I'm not quite ready for.....

I am pretty, I am strong, and everything is fine in the moment.... for the most part.. I'm gonna go cry for a while before work, then I'll pretend like I'm okay and put that fake smile on my face for the hours I am there. Then who knows..... Come home and cry some more in your arms. Or maybe I'll be okay, we shall see I guess...

I'm sorry this is such a long post. But I just needed to post something. And.... well.... this is it..... Thanks....

[somethingsohappily]

1-100, beautifullll! 😂😘😎

1. When, where, and how did you meet?We met on tumblrdotcom on August 6th (babe, is it the 6th?) I sent her a message and complimented her blog, she then followed me, and I sent her another message apologizing for all the One Direction because I thought she was cooler than me. Then basically we started talking a lot/daily and here we are!

2. What did you first notice about each other?I’m gonna be real honest, i thirst followed my girlfriend, and thought she was hot. Also I liked how she thought about things, felt like I really connected with her personal posts on here. But like, I thought she was hot y’all. 

3. Who first asked the other out?She asked me out officially, but I was the one to admit I had feelings for her first. (with prompting from Sammy) Which I did when she was sleeping and then I didn’t sleep because i was panicking that I sent it in a text. 

4. Where was your first date?Babe, real question, what do we count as a date? Are we talking Skyping? Are we talking when you took me out to dinner when I visited? 

5. Who was first to verbally say “I love you”?Morgannnn, because I had basically told her before we were even together that I’d be scared to say it first ever again after a previous relationship. Which she said on October 7th btws. 

6. How did your first kiss happen? Who initiated it?Ummmm our first kiss was in her car in the airport parking lot, Morgan asked so I think that means she initiated it :) 

7. When is your anniversary?November 7th 

8. How long have you been together?Officially 6 months, though we basically were dating in September

9. What made you realize you were in love with her?It’s sounds silly to say you ‘just know’ but I guess I just kind of knew. It was just this very intense connection and very safe feeling, it was different than how I’d ever felt towards a person. Like realizing this was the person I wanted to see everyday, and share everything with, and really couldn’t picture not having in my life. I don’t know if there was an exact moment, at least for me. 

10. Where you friends before you became a couple?Yes, though we’d only been friends for like a month before feelings got admitted. But we talked a lot/shared a ton before we got together. 

11. Were either of you out before becoming a couple?Both of us were already out!

12. Have either of you dated a girl before?We both have! 

13. How does your girlfriend define her sexuality?Gayyyyyyyy, she is a lesbian

14. When is your girlfriend’s birthday (month/day/year)? Who is older?Morgan is older by five years (she’s a little old lady), her birthday is April 15th 1987 

15. Do you live together?We do not, we didn’t actually lesbian uhaul… yet

16. Have you met your girlfriend’s parents? If so, what was that like?Over Skype I met her mom! She’s very sweet, very southern, she was teaching Morgan to cook and making sure she was eating enough. I was very nervous, but I look forward to meeting her and the rest of Morgan’s family in person. 

17. How many people are in your girlfriend’s family?Immediate, 4 including her. Though I think her grandma, aunt, brother in law, and niece get to be included. (Especially Brantley :) )

18. Whose family do you hang out with more?Neither really because of that whole distance thing! Though my parents always want to Skype her and want to pass along things, so I think mine would like to ‘hangout’ more if they could. 

19. Are you friends with any other same sex couples?Sammy and Bailey! But sadley, I don’t think I have that many other gay friends in same sex relationships. 

20. What is a typical date night like for you two?Considering the distance, it’s usually watching movies. But if we’re together and I’m not dying of the plague we have a lot more plans and stuff we’d go do. 

21. How do you usually spend your time together?Usually just hanging out on Skype, talking, watching movies, doing separate activities while having Skype on (coloring/drawing, playing guitar, cooking, chores, etc) 

22. Have you ever been mistaken for sisters?YES by people at her church!

23. Have you ever experienced any discrimination or prejudice becasue you are a same sex couple?So far no thankfully! 

24. Does anyone you know disapprove of your relationship?Not because we’re gay, but I’ve had some people get weird about the distance. I think a lot of people have very little faith in long distance so i’ve felt judged for it by some/or like they didn’t view it as ‘real’. 

25, How much PDA do you do?Again, long distance means not a lot. And I think we keep it pretty low-key, we aren’t like making out in your local park or anything! 

26. What nationality is your girlfriend?Does this mean if she’s from the US? We both live in the US. 

27. What is your girlfriend’s middle name?Ashley! (babe I hope it’s cool im telling the internet this!) 

28. Who usually pays when you go out to eat?We both would like to be the one that usually pays when the other visits, however we’re both stubborn and won’t let the other one do that! 

29. What is your girlfriend’s number labeled as in your cell phone?💙 Morgan💙

30. Do you have any pet names for each other?Just the typical: babe, baby, my love, sweetheart stuff. We’re gross! 

31. Does your girlfriend have any pets?She does not, though she almost stole a cat from the parking lot the other day, and I think we’ve mutually adopted a dumpster cat that i’ve named otis. 

32. Have you ever worn your girlfriend’s clothes?Yeah, I stole her flannel and wore her shirts when I was visiting. 

33. Who is more likely to cook a meal?Definitely me! 

34. What is your girlfriend’s favorite food? Least favorite food?Favorite food is meatloaf, least favorite food is mushrooms 

35. Who is more likely to cry for no reason?I mean, usually there’s a ‘reason’ for someone crying, and we both are pretty emotional. But I cry all the time, so probs me! 

36. Can your girlfriend play any musical instruments?I almost said no and was like, ‘no wait guitars are an instrument’ so yes, she plays guitar! 

37. Who is your girlfriend’s favorite musical artist?So I’m terrible and forgot even though she’s told me. I think Mumford and Sons is one of them, though I know there are more! 

38. What is your girlfriend’s current favorite song?I don’t know. I hope it’s “Strip That Down” by Liam Payne though

39. Do you have a couple song?When she asked me out she learned that song “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran on her guitar for me. So that one reminds me of her, even though its being severely overplayed on the radio right now. But I don’t know if that would be ‘our song”?

40. Do you have a couple name?Like… a ship name… ? No, thank god. 

41. What is your girlfriend’s best physical feature?Her eyes, and smile, and freckles 😘

42. Who is more likely to forget where they put things?I think we’re both forgetful, but I think that’s probably me. She’s always reminding me to put my debit card back in my wallet so i don’t lose it. 

43. Which side of the bed do you each sleep on?I sleep on the left (if you’re facing the bed) and I think right now she’s more on the right? I’m basing this off where the laptop is. 

44. Who hogs the blankets/sheets more when sleeping together?I don’t think either of this did this, but it’s likely me because i like being a blanket burrito

45. What do you argue/fight about the most?What I’ve considered arguments/fights are not things she views as arguments/fights. But this is one of those things I don’t feel cool getting into over the internet! 

46. How do you usually get over a argument/fight?We talk about it!

47. Does your girlfriend have an angry/annoyed/you’re in trouble stare? If so, show it!Ummmm I’d call it more a ‘mom look’ and it usually happens more over me saying I’m not tired or that nothing is wrong. It’s more like a ‘are you serious?’ look vs angry/annoyed. ALSO. Time to quote my favorite video of all time, “you’re not in trouble, you’re my wife’ is basically how I feel about that statement in general when it comes to partners! 

48. How good is your girlfriend at communicating through facial expressions?She’s pretty good at it, I can usually read her mood without her verbalizing too much! 

49. Who is more likely to refuse sex?Okay, so I dont like how this is worded, because anyone in a relationship is allowed to say no to sex at anytime and that isn’t a negative thing. However, I don’t think either of us really would 😂

50. Does your girlfriend play any sports?She used to do Karate, and she runs if that counts! 

51. Does your girlfriend root for any sports teams?Babe, do you? I vaguely remember you wanting to get a new t-shirt for Football or something but I don’t remember the team or how serious that was 😂

52. Who takes longer getting ready to go somewhere?Probably meeeee just based on who takes longer to shower in the morning! 

53. Who is more likely to remember an important date (i.e. birthday, anniversary, etc.)?I have a good memory, but I think she’s still better at this than I am! 

54. What is your girlfriend’s eye color?Blue! Her eyes are prettyyy

55. What is your girlfriend’s shoe size?I believe 7? Or maybe 6.5? 

56. What is your girlfriend’s dress size?If you think my girlfriend owns a dress.. 

57. What is your girlfriend’s favorite TV show?SVU, which she just finished!

58. What is your girlfriend’s favorite movie?Okay so I’m the worst, I think Dead Poets Society is on there, but I can’t rememberrrrrrr. 

59. Who is the bigger neat freak?We are both a mess, I think I am more organized with some things though

60. What is one item on your girlfriend’s bucket list?Graduate from college! Which she’s going to do! 

61. Who is more likely to utter a curse word?AHAHAHAHA MORGAN. She says the fuck word a lot 😂😂

62. Does your girlfriend prefer coffee or tea?Coffee, but she also likes tea, especially sweet tea

63. Is your girlfriend a morning or a night person?I think she’s more of a night person, however she’s still more of a morning person than I am! 

64. Is your girlfriend more likely to save or spend money?She doesn’t spend her money on a lot honestly, but she’s not as organized with saving as I am (hi i have three saving accounts) 

65. Who squashes the bugs?Morgan, she’s very good at it! Though we live separately, so I also have to squash the bugs! 

66. Who’s better at accurately telling when the other is lying?I think we both know when something’s up, though to clarify we don’t lie to each other, the most we do is try and pretend we’re fine when we’re not. 

67. What is your girlfriend’s favorite color?Blue! 

68. Does your girlfriend collect anything?Morgan keeps basically all the sentimental things she’s ever been given, like she has every letter, and/or camp items in her possession. 

69. Who is more likely to randomly burst out into a song?100% Morgan

70. Who is more likely to randomly start dancing?I think Morgan, usually it’s accompanied by her singing along to something!

71. Have you ever taken a vacation together? If so, where to?So far it’s just been when we visit each other, though when that isn’t a thing anymore, I think we definitely will! 

72. How tall is your girlfriend?5 Foot, she makes me feel tall 

73. Is your girlfriend religious at all?She is, she’s lutheran and an aspiring pastor 😘

74. Who is more likely to spontaneously be romantic?That’s Morgan, me being spontaneous would still be me making a very intense organized plan. 

75. Who’s laugh is cuter?MORGANS

76. Who is the better driver?We both are gays that know how to drive and have good driving records, I’d like to say me just because I drive more than she does. But I also got pulled over for traveling in the passing lane the other day, so I might not be.. though I didn’t get a ticket! 

77. Who is the better singer?Morgan likes to say me, but she and my mother are biased. 

78. Who is the better dancer?Morgan used to tap dance and i don’t dance (this isn’t a high school musical moment though) so probably her

79. Who is better at math?Don’t ask us to do math 

80. Whose handwriting is better?I think hers is!

81. Who has a better sense of humor?I think Morgan is hilarious, even her puns, so her!

82. Has your girlfriend ever given you a honey-do list?What is this straight nonsense?? I make lists all the time, but they aren’t like ‘chore lists’ that she has to get done. 

83. Does your girlfriend smoke?Nope, cigarettes or pot, thank goodness! 

84. Does your girlfriend drink alcohol at all? If so, what is her drink of choice?She sometimes drinks, and usually it’s Cider or a Mike’s if that’s all she can find. I know she sometimes drinks whiskey, but I can’t remember what she mixes it with. 

85. Does your girlfriend have a job?Yes indeed!

86. Who is more physically strong?Probably Morgan, she’s always lifting stuff at work! 

87. From 1-10, how health conscious is your girlfriend?AHAHAHAHA ummmm considering sometimes she just consists of popsicles and cheerwine… definitely lower on that scale

88. Have you ever shared a toothbrush? Nooooo, I get that we technically share spit, but that’s too far for me. 

89.. Can your girlfriend speak more than one language? If so, which one(s)?No she cant

90. Who is your girlfriend’s biggest celebrity crush?Anna Kendrick or Anne Hathaway, I feel like there was a third that I’m completely forgetting! 

91. Does your girlfriend have any quirky habits?She has to be early to everything, and by early, I mean like an hour early! 

92. What is the most romantic thing your girlfriend has ever done for you?Ummmm probably how she asked me out, she dressed up and wore a tie and everything, and then played a song on her guitar. She also wrote out something to go with it, which I now have. It was very very sweet. Also her Christmas gift was a lot, and she gave me a picture album for us to start and wrote out sticky notes to fill this jar of things she loves about me 🙈

93. Who reads more?Definitely Morgan! 

94. From 1-10, how feminine is your girlfriend?She’s more androgynous, so like a 1 probs!

95. Have you ever discussed marriage?Yes we have! 

96. Have you ever discussed having children?Yes, we also have!

97. Be honest: What is one thing your girlfriend does that you don’t like?SHE THINKS SHE NEEDS A FEDORA BUT SHE DOES NOT

98. Is there anything about your girlfriend you think most people don’t know?I’m sure there’s a lot, but something like that would be up to her disclosure vs mine! 

99. Beauty terms aside, choose one word to describe your girlfriend. Why that word?Loveofmylife (I made it oneeee)

100. Pass on one piece of relationship adviceAlways communicate and be honest, honestly I think the reason that we are able to manage this big of a distance is because we always communicate and trust each other completely. Also make time for each other, we love spending time with each other and make sure to set aside time for that everyday.