#i dont think im made for this world im a broken mistake

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: sh

[mapliusoup]

my big theory about whats going on in the bp universe- pt1

hey guys!!!! im just so excited abt the whole tour and the possibility that theyll release new stuff so i thought. why not share the brainrot with the swarm!!!

this is gonna be a i think 5-part (maybe more, maybe less) series of theories im gonna be doing :)

i also wanted to clarify that these are my theories and i am not in any way claiming they are true! im just having some fun lmao, if u wanna add anything just share with me im curious

(i dont include house of wolves and teenagers in the story btw they just dont fit in for me)

this is the part 1, the beginning.

the black parade, for me, is about death. and coming to terms with yourself. i am going to tell the story how i view it.

the story is about the patient, a man dying of terminal illness, most possibly cancer. he is alone, he is sad, and he has nobody to spend his last moments with. this is about him. and death.

his story starts with i dont love you. his partner has had enough of him: he is selfish, broken, and they dont think they can fix him. so they leave him. and he is alone.

the patient never had anyone he could remember of apart of them: his family? he didnt remember them.

in between that and the next song of the album, his fate is sealed. he gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and admitted into hospital. he has no one there. he cant remember anything about his past, in between these white walls.

the sharpest lives, the next song of the album, is the patient being angry. he is angry, at his partner, at the hospital, at himself, at the non-existent god that cursed him to this fate. he cant die, he does not deserve to. he complains, shouting at no one, about his unfair fate.

in this is how i disappear, his anger slowly starts to dissipate, shifting, and turning into slight sadness, maybe even remorse. he misses his lover: he wants to be normal. he wants them back. he doesnt want to go just yet.

in cancer, the patient is starting to realize his fate: hes dying. and there is nothing he can do to stop it. hes regretting every single mistake he ever made. the patient hates himself. he is alone because he deserves it: dying will free him for all this loneliness. he says his goodbyes to no one. and then he dies.

the end.

he opens his eyes, and he is in a place he does not recognize. a land of gothic infrastructures, tall and cutting the horizon into strange shapes. (we'll talk about this landscape more in the future; remember it.) he is surrounded by silhouettes, faceless people he does not know, but that yet seem so familiar. a young white-haired man approached him, smiling. "welcome," he said. "to the aftermath of your life."

the young man, the parade leader as he calls himself, explains to the patient that he is dead. he tells him that because of what how much of an asshole he was when alive, he is here, now.

in welcome to the black parade, the parade leader tells the patient about this place.

the parade, for me, is the purgatory: they send lost souls there to repent themselves- or, alternatively, to get them to hell. the parade leader and his band sing for them, they sing for them to make them remember all their past mistakes and to decide of their fate. the band is stuck there, in this limbo, forever: what got them here, they do not know. maybe the tour will shed some light on the origin of the parade.

then comes dead!, where the parade leader laughs at the patient, explaining to him that he made these mistakes, that he is unloved and he deserves whats hapenning to him now. the patient tries to deny it so hard, but he knows its true. he knows he fucked up.

in a burst of pain, for knowing that this is his fault, the patient has a vision.

he lays in wet dirt, the smell of blood and death in his nostrils. he hears screams and gunshots all around him.

suddenly, he remembers. the patient went to war, probably world war two (i like to think he went there because of the ghost of you music video. maybe im overthinking it lmao), and killed people there. a lot of people. it was normal to kill people at war, of course. but it haunted him. during the battles, he lost so many friends. so many brothers. the only person he had left was his mother.

mama.

his mother cried when he came back. because she could see the blood on his hands. she cried because her own son had murdered other women's flesh- their families.

she died quickly, too sad to live like this.

from that moment and then next song, there is a big gap that im going to try my best to explain.

basically, after the patient recovered his memories of his mother and the war, he started regretting all that he did even more. at the same time, he accepted it: everyone was imperfect. everyone was human. he comes at peace with himself, and prepares to die. i mean yeah he already died but like just his mind died? like he was still technically alive because his old memories still attached him to the living world.

in famous last words, the patient tells his last regrets to the parade leader: how he couldnt tell his mother and his partner that he loved them: that he couldnt live a long healthy life: that he couldnt say sorry to the mothers of all the men he killed.

but in disenchanted, he comes to terms with that: it is sad, but it is how it is. just a sad song, with nothing to say. there is nothing he can do to stop it, so he might as well go peacefully.

the parade leader, himself, had grown attached to this man: the patient was like him in many ways. he couldnt quite explain it, or understand it, but it hurt to let him go.

and so, in sleep, the parade leader sets him off. his song comes from deep inside, from his guts. it hurts. it hurts so bad to let him go. as he screams at him to go to sleep, there is a flash of darkness. and so the patient ends.

thats kind of my interpretation of the story! a man who is broken and does not know why, who is going to suffer an unfair end, and who finally comes to terms with who he is thanks to another lost soul. ofc, thats just how i personally see it!

last little thing before he start working on the next parts, for which i have wayyy more evidence for what im gonna speculate hehe

blood is the "transition" to the next part of the story. the parade changed after the death of the patient. it wasnt the patient directly, but something had changed after he left. the parade had become more defiant, more unstable, more resisting. so someone had to stop them.

thats when swarm comes in.

feel free to share ur theories with me!! i love to hear them :3

[bbokicidal]

HI IM SO SORRY DONT MIND THIS IM JUST SENDING IT NOW CAUSE I HAVE A MEMORY ISSUE AND ILL FORGET IT IF I DONT, RESPOND TO THIS WHENEVER YOURE READY TO

hi!! okay so i have an idea, and basically, from the jisung scenario in the cheating drabble (which were fcking SENSATIONAL and wonderfully written), what exactly do you think would go down after the tweet that reader posts

like omg, drama. cause when i first read it i imagined reader being an idol too and saying something on bubble cause my brain didn’t process twitter and i was like oh shiii— but the tweet is so perfect too!!!

yeah, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!! i just think it’d be so delicious to see how he would react to having his mistakes catch up to him in front of basically the entire world

No worries! I don't mind writing a little Drabble of what I think would play out. (And to the person who requested first time sex with SKZ, I'm cooking it up so I did see it, don't worry!)

I think he would be - absolutely fucking devastated. He'd find comfort in the boys, but even a few of them would have to tell him just how badly he'd fucked up; Felix being the most open and honest about it all. He'd tell Jisung he didn't agree with his choices and hearing it from the softest, sweetest member of the group made it really weigh on Jisung just how fucked he was.

Jeongin had called you the first day, you'd made the career-ending tweet about Jisung the next, and two days later; Jisung went on an indefinite hiatus.

He'd felt horrible already about how badly he'd treated you, how he'd broken every ounce of trust and even broken up with you just to try and cover up his tracks - but he felt horrible about the group, as well.

JYPE had put out a notice on all platforms about Jisung's hiatus and how they didn't condone any of his actions, even apologizing for his behavior while on tour. Now as the tour went on, Jisung flew back to Korea and was to hole himself up in his room until things began to blow over.

Fans are upset, asking why he wouldn't be continuing the tour and defending him as best they could - before another tweet resurfaced from a woman who had slept with him while the group was in Chicago.

Fans began to slip away from the group. Their follower counts began to drop drastically, their songs quit hitting charts after Jisung's endeavors. It hurt the fandom to see one of the sweetest members of the group doing something so heinous.

The members quit going live on any platforms because when they did, they would be paraded with messages about Jisung - how they were awful for sticking by him.

Jeongin went on hiatus two months later near the end of the tour, after he'd been attacked by a group of 'fans' that saw him at a small convenience store.

Jisung had come out of his hiatus days later, releasing a song on YouTube that received many positive responses, to everyone's surprise. Fans made videos for him exclaiming how happy they were that he was back, that he looked happier than before and how they missed him.

Jeongin resigned from the company only a week after that. He'd claimed that seeing his Hyung hurting others had hurt him immensely, and that he no longer craved to be an idol if these were the things that came with it; If Jisung could still be so heavily supported after doing something so awful.

[newtonsheffield]

Molly i dont know if you have a request already for spicy sunday but im here with mine, can we please have something hot and fluff during kate pregnancy in TFFA???

I had a few requests for Spicy Sunday this week, But I'm going with this one!

Anthony couldn't stop staring at her. He knew he shouldn't. He knew he should look away and move his gaze instead to the autumn leaves that were floating down around them as they sat on the picnic blanket in their tiny backyard, no one around for miles. He shouldn't be staring at his wife like this, nearly a year after their marriage.

He'd never been able to stop looking away from her. Not from the second he'd seen her, sitting across the village hall, her hair pinned up neatly, her lipstick bright red, and it felt like he hadn't stopped staring at her since. Well, at least, he hadn't stopped thinking about her, he hadn't even been able to shake the guilt in his chest after she'd stormed away from him, long before Daphne had stormed over to him and hissed like an angry goose.

"What on earth did you say to her, Anthony?!"

The guilt had carried him through to writing that letter to her, his cheeks stinging, and he'd almost laughed when he'd received her curt reply, shaking his head. "Jesus Christ, that woman!"

Something had sunk in his chest when he'd woken up in hospital and seen her there, something sunk in him even further when he'd realised he was stuck here. With Kate looking after him. The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen was shaving him, holding a basin while his stomach refused to hold down food, and wiping the sweat from his brow. She'd had to bathe him. Wash the sweat off his body and he'd hated every second of it. He'd always been so independent, so strong, and having to rely on her for everything had been such a change. Not to mention the fact that every time her hands touched his chest he had to fight the fact that his spine might have been bruised and his legs broken, but there were absolutely no concerns regarding his ability to... remain at attention.

But one day it had all been different, She'd wheeled him out onto the lawn and looked absolutely furious as she berated him for the fact that he was mourning his life. A life he still had, when others weren't even half so lucky. And he'd never looked away from her.

Not when he stood and her eyes lit with joy and her lips brushed his.

Not when she'd blushed as she'd snuck into the hospital when he'd asked her to show him her dress for the village dance and she'd rolled her eyes when he said.

"Do a little spin for me, Nurse Sharma."

But she'd done it anyway. She'd twirled and the skirt of her dress had spun out and all he'd been able to think was God, I love you so goddamned much.

He'd thought that when they'd danced together on the lawn of Thriplow House as he'd hummed in her ear because they had no gramophone or wireless.

And He'd thought that on their wedding day as well, when he'd seen her walking down the aisle towards him, and his heart had swelled in his chest and he'd thought he'd never breathe easy again.

He couldn't breathe easy now, not with her hair floating in the breeze and her hand resting on the tiny swell of her stomach, just beginning to show through her dress. And that only made things so much worse.

He hadn't been able to think about anything else since she'd whispered it in his ear as they lay in bed together. Anthony, you're going to be a Papa.

He hadn't stopped thinking about the fact she was nurturing their child, that there would be a baby someday soon, born into a world like this one, but still, a life with no mistakes in it. A fresh life, a new start, and his child would never know hardship, would never know anything but the happiness of life in this village. With Kate working at the hospital, and Anthony in his shop. He would make a life for all of them, celebrating every single day.

"I can feel you staring at me, Darling."

Anthony raised his eyebrow, "Is a man not allowed to stare at his wife? Was that not what buying you a ring was about?"

She chuckled, kissing his cheek, "I think that it was about promising to love one another forever, actually."

Anthony scoffed, shifting closer to her, "I think you might have missed the part of the ceremony where the priest told everyone I was allowed to stare at you forever."

"Did I?" There was a smirk making its way onto her lips as she leaned towards him. "That seems awfully lax of me."

"It does." He sighed gravely, "But I can think of a way you can make it up to me."

"Oh? And how's that?"

He didn't answer her, leaning forward to brush their lips together, deepening the kiss as she sighed against his lips. He moved closer towards her, until his hands rested either side of her, their lips still moving together in the warm sunshine. He leaned forward again, pressing himself against her until she slid back against the blanket with a tortured moan.

He swallowed it with his tongue, letting it swirl around hers, the taste of her thick around him. He took a shuddering breath as his lips fell to her neck, nipping at the soft skin there, his tongue soothing it as he moved on.

"I don't think we should be doing this here."

Anthony groaned, letting his eyes slide to hers, "But this is a perfectly nice place."

"It's also outside." She chuckled, her fingernails scratching against his scalp in a motion that always had his eyes rolling back in his head, his thigh nudging hers apart. "I'll let you have your wicked way with me if you can still carry your whale of a wife inside."

Anthony rolled his eyes, "You happen to be the most beautiful woman on this planet, even more beautiful now, and I'll prove it to you."

he slid his hand up her thigh, smiling smugly as her eyes fluttered closed and her legs fell open,

"Well," Kate said, her breath shuddering, "Maybe if you're very quick."

He chuckled, capturing her lips again as his hand slipped into her underwear the warmth of her spreading over his fingertips and he couldn't look away from her.

She was stunning, like this, her fingernails biting into his shoulders as she held him closer, her chest heaving already as her hips rolled against his fingers and he pushed her to the edge, desperate for her to find it, desperate for her to feel it, and she did. He felt her body tighten around him as she found release and shuddered against him.

He kissed her softly as her eyes opened, burning against his skin. "Was that quick enough?"

She rolled her eyes, tugging him until her hips nestled his softly and her hands were already fumbling with his belt pushing his trousers down.

Her lips were soft on his as his breathing stuttered in his chest, his jaw clenched against the feel of her against him, both of them savouring the moment just before.

She nodded gently, her hands on his hips encouraging him forward and suddenly he couldn't breathe.

Oh god, Kate, I love you.

He couldn't hold it in when he let his hips roll forward against hers and they joined together.

Kate was soft and warm underneath him, their child cradled between them as their hips ground slowly together, finding one another, clinging to one another desperately.

The sun was warming his back as he moved against her, shielding her from the light and her touch burned his skin pulling him in closer but there wasn't anything but her.

There wasn't anything but the feel of her fingers in his hair and her legs tightening around his waist and the slide of their skin together and their hearts pounding in their chests, perfectly in sync.

I love you, God, I love you, Kate

His name fell from her chest agains and again like a hoarse prayer and he could feel his entire body tightening in time with hers and the feeling in the pit of his stomach coiled tighter and tighter until-

Fuck!

They fell over the edge together shuddering against one another in the autumn afternoon until everything went still.

"You have twigs in your hair." He could barely get the words out, exhausted as he lay against her chest, shifting his weight off the baby.

"Well, I wonder whose fault that is." He could hear the sarcasm in her voice. "You're supposed to give your pregnant wife some rest."

He grinned up at her, "Oh come on, did you not tell Daphne that you'd never marry me because I was a randy dog? I'm only trying to live up to your expectations, love."

"Well, I do hate to be disappointed."

[leatherfest]

 My ex really was just shit and I kept making excuses for their sick behavior because I really loved them a lot

. I thought the attention they gave me was enough and that they could be "fine." Maturing is realizing you can't help a person who doesn't even want the help. I'm sorry that things have to turn this way with us. I wish that things could have worked out and you weren't so sick/broken in the head. I don't forgive you Alex, I don't think I ever will. You stole my first kiss, and first time experiences that I can't take back. You broke my trust countless times and using your trauma as an excuse to be awful. Your trauma is not an excuse to be awful. I should have never talked to you first in the 7th grade out of pity because you were alone. But I don't hate you Alex, even if you hate me. I have always told you that I can't bring myself to hate anyone, not even my dad. I understand you but don't mistake that as me caring about you still personally. I couldn't care what happens to you now. It really isn't my problem, the best revenge is me getting better and happy. I have a good support who treats me right. I never needed you like how you made me think that we needed each other. I failed to realize that I had never been alone and you knew I could leave easily. You were scared and use threats to hurt me/ feel trapped. I am happy and I'm happy waking up now. I dont sh anymore and Im beginning to love life. I think life is beautiful and I'm going to enjoy it by being the kindest, best person that I can. I hope to bring light into the world and do what you never couldn't. I will continue to live without thinking about you after law enforcement gets involved. You will be nothing in my memory and will not hold me back like you think you will. You will think about me more than I ever would even glance a passing thought about you. I suggest you dont ever have social relationships again, as all of them you sa'd and abused. 

[nerosdayinanime]

Lampshades on Fire

Well the lampshade's on fire when the lights go out- This is what i really call a party now- Well, fear makes us really really run around- A-this one's done so where to now? Our eyes light up, we have no shame at all- Well, you all know what i'm talking about- The room lights up, but we're still dancin' around- We're havin' fun, havin' some fun now- Pack up again, head to the next place- Where we'll make the same mistakes- Open one up and let it fall to the ground- Pile out the door when it all runs out

made me think of the aftermath of one offshoot where giyuu gets exiled, something something mother killed & replaced by a spy nin and giyuu found out and killed said nin- tsutako only saw giyuu killing their mother & she chased him out of the clan for treason in a fit of despair/broken heart/trust. Giyuu fled to the Urokodakis for comfort from his pack (Sabito & Makomo), they ended up fleeing the southern valley entirely for saftey & then its adventure time :)

they kinda just do their best to distract themselves from the pain of leaving their home the only place theyve really known (& giyuu from the despair & feeling of betrayal abt his mother & sister- their culture is super close so being outcast is VERY serious). really just exploring their wider world outside the word of visiting merchants and learning about the realities people live, avoiding getting killed as rogue nin, finding other rogue groups, meeting new allies-

tomioka to urokodaki & past sends them to the east side of the mountains in the land of Rain, smthn like the kamados get whiped out and im thinking either they meet the whole kamaboko quartet later & adopt em all at once or they rescue tanjiro & nezuko in the middle of a raid & end up also taking in zenitsu & inosuke, loop back north to the bigger Northern valley in land of Volcanoes and meet kyojuro senjuro mitsuri & obanai, group heads west along the northern shore of the great lake into land if Wind and get muichiro & yuichiro, around this time learning of an odd group searching for a way to harness power from the sun based on an ancient myth of the continent's early history(nod to the hq!! msby team, on their own little quest to chase the sun), head around the great lake and meet gyomei at the middle mountain, head south and meet kanae shinobu & kanao at the flowering edge of the swaths of forest and swaths of grassy plains either way, heading into the plains southeast-ward and meeting sanemi genya & masachika, swinging back southwest-ward to avoid the southern valley and heading into land of Forest where theyre caught in the middle of a war between the uzui and another clan, quickly heading back north with a new quartet to the group at their warning the wars only get worse further south around the borders to land of the Dead & land of Ice

its the widest-reaching branch so far, just a massive adventure around the ramshack continent i stuffed several different anime series into and pieced together with ducttape & spit- land of the Dead & land of Ice have vampires, bloodbenders, shadowbenders, demons, an assassin bloodline, ...gojo, its not very fun down there<3 and i didnt even mention land of Water or land of Sand to the west & north respectively- i imagine their journey already would take a few years though, especially between keeping a bunch of kids in line, happy & healthy, and teaching them how to fight & defend themselves while they dont know where they are

map #28363610 ive made for this au.. i fucked up on the bottom mountains, left 'claw' is supposed to be bigger and the middle one's supposed to like. seperate the bottom so Koori's split into 'west' 'east' and 'coast'- also the southern valley's thinner and higher up in the mountains than the north valley (i.e. Very Dangerous, tomioka & urokodaki got it set UP in there getting paid to guide merchants through) and i couldnt add it, but theres a massive frozen lake at the top of the mountains betweeb the southern valley & Koori

[fluffbeast7]

Ruin dlc spoilers + big analysis of sun, there might be a few english mistakes, sorry

Just me thinking about sun's perspective on both games (dlc one is extremely interesting)

Sun is anything but a baby, sun is anything but weak, and of course neither is moon. I know many people stopped calling him a baby after a while but i saw some ppl saying similar things in the dlc when he sang and cried, that's just seems a little unfair!

Sun is extremely smart, while moon is.. "sick" (i will just call it that, we have proof that despite moon’s past he was a good care taker, he messed up sometimes but something made him worse), sun has:

In the first game:

- knew moon was unstable

- if he didn't want to turn off the lights so bad, there must have been a reason why

- moon used to be his partner in their old job at the theater, they played the act together , i don't think he's means to do anything to hurt moon.. But he also can't risk anyone else getting hurt by moon.

- "why did sun ban Gregory" simple answer my love, i will respond with an analogy, let's remember sun seems unaware of the situation in the pizzaplex,

Imagine you're going out with your kids, imagine going to a store with glass decorations, then you ask you kid "do not break the glass". When you enter, not even a second later the kid distracts you and break a bunch of glasses. Would you let that kid be near glass again?

In the dlc:

- sun is painfully aware of what's going on and is afraid. It's on the dlc that we prove how intelligent sun is even if he's broken down

- a few players pointed out that it was easy to find the generators and easier to navigate the daycare, hmm, i wonder who could have caused that?

- sun planned everything to get him and moon "fixed". not sure how responsible he is for the damage in the daycare, but he clearly made a pathway for the generators to be found. Its mostly linear, it has papers with directions and he stuffed other the other tunnels the player shouldn't go in with toys and junk

- then you ask "if he wanted to make it easy, why didn't he put the generators at the same place next to each other?"

- easy, HE CAN'T. he's STUCK in the AR world while moon is stuck in the physical world. he can't pick up the generators in the ar world, so he had to build a path for the generators in the ar world, even placing the lights in a singular space on purpose, he's doing literally everything he can to save himself and moon from this hell, he somehow knew someone would come in again

- in my theory, maybe he thought Gregory would come back. He seems unaffected by whatever is making the animatronics run for Gregory, but like Roxanne who thought Gregory was still hiding somewhere, he too hoped for that kid to return and save him

- he instead encounters a "NEW FRIEND!", or maybe not as new, im pretty sure sun knows who cassie is. She was one of the kids he looked after, therefore another reason eclipse wished her happy bday, they remembered

- he misses moon, he misses moon so much, the tea party set...

- yes he sings and cries SO WHAT? I would cry everyday if i was on his position, give him a break! Man has been through the sudden cancelation of his job and his life in ruin, and he was the only one working to get it fixed! Moon was too sick, no human to work with.

- tho i wonder why he made a bed in his room? He keeps the room really really tidy this time? Why isn't this the case in the first game? For those who dont know what im talking about, sun and moon's room is still a mess in the physical world (what the heck moon 🤨 lmao) but in the ar world, its very very clean, he even has a groceries list written "butter, butter, butter" lmfao.

-in his room there's a lil bed out of pillows...? For them?

-there is ONE thing i dont understand. How does the ar world work with sun? Does he have to let moon do what he wants or can he have any say on what they do? Can they talk with each other? Im guessing they have horrible communication skills but they have to communicate somehow (because of their old job in the theater)

[midnight1404]

1, 6, 7, 16, 19, 27, 28, 29!

Well, this was my first year dong fanfiction so following my word count (without counting three comms of 5k words that i didnt upload) i write 65, 993 words this year!!! yippy!!

6. To my surprise, that will be "As we fall (You will be part of me)" my poem collection that i have a little abandoned (but i will be back tho heheheh :3)

7. Well tbh, with a few exceptions, i almost never use song lyrics as titles so for now i don't an especial artist that i use the most (but i predict that one will be surely Breaking Benjamin or Ethel Cain surely)

16. Taking out the obvious ones like Dead dove, incest, etc. I'm proud that tag is "Catholic imagery" and "Daddy issues"

19. I can say jakelo? nah, just kidding...I think bessides my otp, im interested in explore more Quaritch's charcter in different angles and obviously i will do it along with Lo'ak (and maybe Taliya bc i just like imagine Q with someone he can't stand.)

27. I can't explain it very well, is a mess without a real order, is just a mix of Crystal Castles, Breaking Benjamin (or rock in general), Mitski, etc.

28. The Offspring and My Sab's gift one-shot (that is coming)

29.I have two coming from my two first works ever, and i cant chose just one so here it is:

The first one comes from the fourth chapter of A Father's child (my first fanfic, pls dont read it, is bad compared to my other works.), and i hold it close to my heart bc summarizes one of the main reasons why im so fixated in Lo'ak and Jake's relathionship, how difficult and fuck up it is, where there is intense amount of love but also a lot of past, guilt, and ghosts:

“I know that I’m a failure to you…” Lo’ak says with a broken voice, a single tear falls from his eye. “But is a lot of begging to look at me? Not as Toruk makto’s soldier or the kid that you were once time ago but as your son, Father….” More tears fall through his face, his voice cracking. “I’m your son, an imperfect one.”

 Jake thinks that statement it’s a cruel joke. Every time that he sees Lo’ak since his birth, the first sentence that come always to Jake’s mind is My child. The single one from his children of blood that came to this world with five fingers and eyebrows, the one who is stubborn and capable of jump to the danger without think twice, just like Jake.

"Neteyam is his pride, Kiri his empathy and Tuk his kindness. Lo’ak is the child that could have been born just from Jake’s rib. Jake Sully’s child in appearance, blood and heart.

Jake is scared for him because of that, the last thing that he desires for his boy is the same road and mistakes.

Ending with stained hands and uncountable sins. That simple thought makes Jake want to eat Lo'ak to make him reborn without the curse of being like Jake Sully."

The second one is from the sixth chapter of Look at me (on the horns of a dilemma), this one is mortly bc i suffered writing this with my impostor sindrome hitting me in my guts while my lack of english was not helping me at all, writing something more ambicious than i did before, and im proud that atleast i made to not gave up in it in the process.

"“After days spent doubtful and afraid, Fabian made the decision to free his little brother from Christian’s claws. So, in the dead of night when the eldest boy returned to the house, Fabian mustered the courage to sneak into his brother’s room and steal the shed’s key. When he managed to grab the keys without making noise, he didn't waste any time and ran to the shed so fast his legs ached. He opened the door with trembling hands, but what he was met with was not something he recognized as his brother.”

Lo’ak doesn’t want to feel like he’s walking in a tightrope anymore. He doesn’t want to feel like every breath he takes is a step closer to falling into a void, never to see the sun again. Lo’ak wants to be capable of at least knowing what he really wants for his future, something that is not swimming.

“A chained wolf-beast was what he saw. A beast with a big mouth that contained deadly, stained fangs. A beast with claws that appeared larger than Fabian’s head. It began to growl, which let out a putrid scent from its mouth. The boy froze in front of the thing that he once called a child, staring into its eyes. Dark, foggy-red orbs replacing the warm amber, erasing any trace of innocence, leaving only the dreadful ferocity. Fabian would have begun to cry if not for the sudden sound of the door closing. His heart stopped when he tried to open it and found out that it was locked. He started to scream, begging to be let out. This seemed to irritate the beast behind him, its growls getting louder with every cry. He heard Christian’s voice through the other side of the door, ‘This is what happens when you don’t listen’.”

Lo’ak is aware that the people around him would not even stand him being their sight if they knew about his forbidden lust and he understands why.

“No matter how Fabian begged or cried or screamed, Christian, the perfect son and brother, left his little brother trapped with a monster that, with the sunrise, would wake up as a kid again. A kid that would wake up with blood coating his skin and a new corpse that wasn’t from a sheep.”

But the Sully's middle child can’t stop thinking about his younger self. If the kid that Lo’ak was could see him in the present, what would his impression be?"

Thanks for the asks!!!

[cleromancy]

i really hate that jason telling dick he killed tim was in bftc bc that could have been so good but instead it was bftc

extended bitching under the cut 🤪

wait actually FIRST OF ALL i just want to say that if jason genuinely believed he straight up killed tim with a single rusty old batarang that broke in a really unfortunate way that would be so funny. like oh my god bruce did you replace me with a child made of actual GLASS?

anyway lmao. like. obviously i reject the entire premise of bftc and the execution of literally everything was so completely borked but its so annoying that there are these seeds of ideas i really *like* like dick lying about what was in bruces will and bruces message for jason being so awful and triggering that jasons just like OKAY NAUGHTY CITIZENS ITS MURDER TIME and ckfkcilfkcpckc honestly tim hitting jason with a crowbar........... theres a lot of fucking potential!!

but first of all dick purposely triggering jason wjth bruces farewell message a *second time* and then after jason falls seemingly to his death being like why didnt jason take my hand 😢 why the fuck do you think Richard. (sorry dick i dont actually blame you for the choices you made when fucking tony daniel was writing you)

bc like dick reaching out offering jason a hand in a way that jason would be unable to accept would have been good too except like actually i wouldn't fucking take dicks hand either in that moment

anyway like the tim thing made no sense and also *if* you want me to believe bruce trained tim to have a physiological rxn that makes him flatline in order to appear dead in response to certain physical stimuli. like *if* you want me to go along with that. Jason would fucking know about it (and for that matter so would dick) and also that pokes a hole in the concept bc if dick knew that bruce had repeatedly made Tim flatline to train his body to automatically do it i think bruce would have died a long fucking time ago. or dick would have done SOMETHING to put a stop to it imo bc that crosses a very clear line

but i just wish it had been like. yeah jasons lying to dick and dick simultaneously does and doesnt believe him instead of the bullshit that happened bc [character rant redacted i dont feel like typing it right this minute]it could have been like so tragic and good bc it would be like. 1) obviously mirroring the joker doing the same thing b4 dick beat him to death and 2) a really tragic thing from jason to fucking lie to dick, who has no evidence to the contrary, bc he wants dick to not believe him

and its like thats why i want jason to reject dicks hand yk. bc he self sabotaged and now he thinks dicks lying about thinking he has the potential to be better or whatever. and instead it reads like dick purposely aired out bruce calling him a failure & broken and going on and on about how giving jason the best years of his life was a *mistake*

anyway im bored of complaining now (for the moment) so ill stop but god damn i really just wish his comic were good instead of bad

wait one final note. like i said earlier i reject the entire premise of bftc bc by necessity it ends with dick in the cowl and cass isnt even there. and well if cass *was* there why the F<UCK would dick get the cowl ykwim... that said i do think like if the comic had made a point that damian needs robin and cass is not in a position to be batman *to* him that could feasibly lead to cass being like "ok 👍 i dont want to look at you anymore tho so I'm going to travel around the world for a few years" (/months in universe). but obviously that is not fjckkng in the comic. also alfred giving damian the suit was so bogus I'm glad everyone pretends dickie did it xjdkcnoxck (i maintain if there was a robin suit in damians size it had to have been dicks idea anyway)

[yourwolfmuzzle]

Its kinda amaze me that this whole “you enough” point that was made as a love letter to r/wby viewers not only hurt other characters storys (people already point this out much better so i will say this shortly - Ironwood was not enough so that why he is cartoon villain and died, Ozpin was not enough so that why brave r/wby have to not just help, but “take his mission about saving a world from immortal evil”, Penny kinda was not enough so we gave her new body to make her more “human” and a lot of other characters, who fall-died-made mistakes, was not enough, bit Ruby from ALL people was enough? Like really? U know i dont like volume 8 really fucking hard, i better watch volume 5 for 10 times in a row, and i have hard time with volumes 6-7, but i cant just forget what r/wby team done u know.................) but also its kinda hurt story of this volume?

I maybe wrong but for 1-9 chapters everything was telling that this volume is kinda about “changes” and “acceptance of change and difference”. Even if we going to say that “Curious Cat saying “ Well, times change, you know. And so do we when it's our time to change. Don't you?“ is not valid because they are antagonist of this volume” there is still moments when...this whole world is about changing and “moving on”.

If we...will ignore a lot of problems with ascending in Ever After and SOMEHOW will imagine that...this whooooleee situation with Ruby and Neo is not about suicide, but therapy and about “finding your way” and kinda “keep moving forward” or even imagine that Ruby never done anything with herself and she just...into the tree because she was so lost and didnt now what to do with all this, its also kinda not working? This volume was not hinting that “maybe you did enough and you yourself enough”. We fall into a new setting that “the same place from the book that we all read when we was a kids” but its different. Characters who “we know from book” change - Jinxy got older, there is no Red King but Red Prince, we talking about our old self with loud “im much more that this!” that our wby is now move a long way and change a lot as a persons, Jaune is have to live a new life in this new world, Yang and Blake got together and this can changes the dynamics in a team, Weiss have to accept that there is no more Atlas in there, Paper Pleaser need to “merge with the tree so its will make something new with them”, JWBY NEED to accept that ascension is important part of this world and they NEED to accept that Ruby need to change and this is not for them to decide, Cat was not able to get “ascension”, get changes and they stuck with broken heart and etc. A lot of stuff was telling us that Ruby will have to “change” and “move forward”. That you cant just stay in one place, you need to get change in one way and another accepting changes that are not up to you or beyond your control or that are necessary. We all was thinking that Ruby will get drastically changes (transform into literally Summer because she was not able to come to terms with such a new burden on her shoulders and accept mistakes (and also because “we want to be just like our mother”) or transform into literally new person with no memory) or at least get some changes and show that she moving forward. She grow as a person, she “find her way again, but now with something new in her heart”.

But.

The change didn't happen. Ruby didnt have to accept anything outside her idealization of Summer Rose. Ruby didnt have to deal with the fact that she dont have her best friend anymore AGAIN. Ruby didnt have to deal with Atlas fall in which she is partly to blame, thinking about Ironwood, thinking about lie, thinking about new information that Salem now got two relics and that this will affect they world a lot. Ruby dont have to work with her team or her team no need to work so that such stories, when they leader falls and they don’t notice it, do not repeat again.

We just...got Ruby from volume 7. No changes was done, no acceptance was done. JWBY do not need to talk with they leader anymore or deal with “new Ruby” because they got her back with no changes. No need to deal with changes, grow and moving like everyone doing around you, when you can be “just enough”.

Why provide the idea that the characters will need to do something and loudly say that changes are needed, when you can say at the end that this is not about that but be yourself. Suddenly this whole story, that we was told you in 1-8 (maybe 9) episodes, is actually about that you dont need to be perfect when you already enough. :)

[s0lar-ch3ri]

this is a hard habit to get out of, so i think the way id like to do it is by simply bringing out character flaws into the problem

"but i dont really get how to make flawed characters" i was like that too! so heres what i do!

step 1: list out all of your characters traits. im gonna use one of my characters, allie. shes perceptive, serious mostly, chaotic, trusting, etc. making characters have good traits is easier then coming with bad traits i feel like.

step 2: think of how the character interacts with others. is it the best it can be? is it horrid beyond belief? understanding that can help too, even if you dont need it.

step 3: take that list of good traits to the extreme. every trait can be bad gvien the right situation. lets go back to allie! shes trusting? maybe she trusts too much, and gets herself or her friends in danger. chaotic? her wildness doesnt allow her to realize the damage shes causing. hell, even perceptive! she feels like she needs to keep a look out, causing some internal conflict.

step 4: how does this affect those relationships? maybe allie is growing distant and isolated from people, slowly realizing shes a danger. she blocks out people trying to help, who take it as an insult. she takes their help as an insult back, or maybe she doesnt want to worry them.

thats really what i do, but ill put other notes underneath the line lol

-a solution doesnt have to be "the solution"! a character can mishandle themselves and misinterpret what they need, causing them to be stupid!

-intense emotions will make you stupid! if your running from a murderer, you may do stupid things to try and survive!

-character backstory doesnt need to be brought up directly for there to be a fight. maybe someone jokingly starts saying stuff, another misinterprets and accuses, soon enough a fight breaks out. or maybe someone unknowingly makes fun of someones past/an event that happened to them (example: "how could anyone be so stupid to travel for that long just to die like that?" could piss off anyone from someone who would rather not like the dead to be mocked to another whos traveled for a while and is held up as "the best" despite having made mistakes).

-mental illness can and should come somewhat into play if a character has something. while allie is stable and shit, i can say that being neurodivergent has made me unable to understand others do. differences make you think differently! (ie: a gay person who experienced prejudice in their life probably will view the world differently then a straight ally whos not had that problem). "oh but what if i dont write it well?" doing research is always the most important part obviously, but i can give some ideas (note: im not all of these groups, i just have some experience with these things, please do your research when writing these). someone with autism may have a harder time understanding emotions of someone because they feel them differently ("why arent you crying? [insert tragic event] just happened!" "i-" "do you not care?!" "of course i fucking do, i cant tell you why im not crying because i-i just cant, i dont fucking know.") (alterantively: "why are you crying? its not a big deal." "shut the fuck up."). a neurotypical person may make the wrong assumption about someone whos neurodivergent due to built in ableism ("oh wow, you actually solved it!" "heh, what doubt could you have?" "well, i mean.." "what-oh. i see then. thats how you think."). stuff like that can add something.

-you dont need a fight to have characters drift. a fight could be the split, but it doesnt need to be. you dont need characters to immediately comfront each other, yuou can let them bottle it up and make it all so worse.

-a character doesnt need to lie for distrust to happen. all it really needs to be taken as a lie. (character a: "I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KNOW!" character b: "and here i swore to trust you. what other lies do you hide under your tongue?")

-a relationship can be broken for no good reason. a life logn friendship, ended over one out of control fight. they may wonder if they reconsider, but they could just not regret where they stood, even if their ideals change.

lmk if i got things wrong/should change stuff or if i should talk on other writing things lol

That post that's like "stop writing characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy" really blew the door wide open for me about how common it's become for a character's emotional intelligence to not be taken into consideration when writing conflict. I remember the first time I went to therapy I had such a hard time even identifying what I was feeling, let alone had the language to explain it to someone else. Of course there are plenty of people who've never been to therapy a day in their life who are in tune to their emotions. But even they would have some trouble expressing themselves sometimes. You have to take into account there are plenty of people who are uncomfortable expressing themselves and people who think they're not allowed to feel certain ways. It also makes for more interesting conflict to have characters with different levels of understanding.

[saffronstoats]

if scugs to not live a human amount of time change how they would appear to however old that would be in um. probably like age/human lifespan which should be a decimal. * scug lifespan. yeah

i would prefer you dont think of the ships as ages but i tried my best to not make them weird. its hard with rain world ages but i think it could be. plausible in canon and im not doing that gross thing where i age kids up and ship them because. ew. wth

okay so everyone's ages. mostly timeline esque

inv is the oldest actually. originally made to keep order and fix the fabric of the universe should it be broken [ i have NO idea how an iterator would make them. dare to dream i guess. inv is crazy ]. physically inv is probably 4 major cycles old [ ~44ish in human years. i think slugs live as long as humans do though i suppose we don't.. really know. id go off them not aging in game but ummm. only rivulet has died of old age by saint in canon and we don't know when riv died. id go off hunter not aging in the 25 minor cycles they have but thats only like... a third of a human year. ill do further exploration on this later probably. using spearmaster ]

saint is about 10 minor cycles younger [ i count minor cycles as a thing i saw labeling them as ~4 days ] than paincat and was made because they realized that actually inv gets out of hand a lot. inv actually liked to break the fabric of the universe was fun

they did not bestow saint with the same power due to learning from their mistakes. so yay, we have two slugcats. one that makes wormholes in space time and one that can technically reset everything via the egg but pretty much just warns inv about it until they fix their own distortions

saint appears the same age as inv

judge is probably half a major cycle younger [ ~5 1/2 years ] and was made because the iterator group that worked on inv and saint realizee that they did NOT get along

judge appears the same age as inv and saint

inv, saint, and judge are all echoes

spearmaster is probably several major cycles younger than judge whateber this is in major cycles is not a very long time in comparison to how long theyve lived. spearmaster is like. probably 124 major cycles old at least. appears as probably 3 major cycles or ~33 in human years. theyd look older but spearmaster was genetically modified to live a long time because communications would stop working eventually. the beta spearmasters have this too

four and six um. just spearmaster but a couple minor cycles older.

there is NO WAY the gap between sos's death and spearmaster is however much time is between saint and spearmaster. so sos is dead before saint even exists sorry theorists

artificier is probably about 42 in human years. while she isnt bred to be older or anything she is quite the beast. im not actually sure how this reflects on her living longer but think of it as sheer rage

so saint inv and judge are middle aged because they've lived a really long time. artificier is just at that point in ther lifespan which is. shorter than they have lived so far. ill admit karmaflower is still ah kind of weird? i think this is literally the only way i can make it remotely okay ☠️

artificier's pups are DEAD but if they weren't they'd probably appear as 20 or so since they have the same lifespan as her.

hunter has a normal scug lifespan for the first time. yippee! think imof it like this. saint juge inv always have been and always will be. spearmaster has a ridiculously long lifespan. artificer's lifespan is at least quadrupled with that of a normal scug

in this au they were sent a little later and have a lot more cycles until the rot hits strongly, so gourmand cannot encounter hunter long legs. hunter is probably about 39 in human years and in actual scug years? a bit over 3 1/2 major cycles

gourmand is ~37 in human years which is a bit under 3 1/2 major cycles. so the hell's kitchen difference is like 7 years. gourm acts older than inv does. its a similar situation to karmaflower

survivor and monk both fell recently and are still slugpups with a normal lifespan. granted they are 15 [ viv ] and 12 [ monk ] but if you ship them with anyone i just might strangle you

riv is a weird situation. in the actual timeline where riv is supposed to exist riv is like negative 200 minor cycles or less [ as in like. -300 is less ]

but the rivulet that was moved over through timelines / the one we know is 36 minor cycles old

ask for anyone else because i didnt add any of the iterators or most side characters

actuslly ill give examples for characters in their twenties

nectar is 26 while wisteria is 23. nightcat is 28

watcher is on the very cusp and is 30

luci is 31

barry is 16, harpy is 39 and haylie is too

both gourm's kids are 15 i really dont know why i drew them so small

[pinkseas]

crackles knuckles

“like to me id hc xiao before it all fell apart, he used to have a mother. thats it. idk what happened back there and how they got separated i dont want to go there without more emotional damage”

im about to go there. im so ready for this. this means So Fucking Much To Me Dear Lord.

she sees no use in dwelling on the past. it’s one of the first things he learns from her- he no longer remembers how or why, no longer remembers what it was she told him that instilled that thought within him so deeply, but he knows that it was her. (once upon a time, she ran. xiao’s grandparents are far, far away, whether they’d love him or not, and he does not have a father. not as far as she’s concerned. the past is the past and it can stay there. it’s in the simple things, too, a broken toy, misspoken words: you made a mistake and we can’t change it but we can learn, we can move forward. we can always move forward.)

(she names him alatus, gives him wings the only way she can. may he never be trapped as she was for so long. may he always find a way to fly.)

(funny, really, how that works out.)

she is? was? a good mother. he remembers so little but this, he knows. lullabies before bed. never left hungry, never left wanting, so rarely scolded and never more than a disapproving tone. any time her voice was raised it was kind, happy, like when she’d call for him when they were playing hide and seek or when it was time to come inside to eat.

it isn’t her fault or negligence or neglect that leads to him being taken. it’s the cruelty of the world and bad luck, plain and simple. he remembers missing her. he remembers missing her so much it ached.

he doesn’t know whether or not he killed her. it’s hard to tell. his deeds and the bloodshed are all too clear but the people fog and fade, the faces all begin to blur together. he knows that the god had him destroy his own home, at least eventually, but he doesn’t know whether or not she escaped. she could have left, could have been searching for him, could have been waiting there for him to come home. he remembers, vaguely, when he really tries to- a sense of peace. the warmth of unconditional love. the way she used to whisper his name. but the question remains, endless and unanswered: are those his own memories? or are they her dreams, devoured by her own son?

he doesn’t know. he doesn’t think he’ll ever know.

he makes her a grave. it takes a very long time. there’s no name and a marker only he would recognize. it’s nothing special. he thinks, distantly, that she deserved more than this. but it’s all he has, and that will have to be enough.

and then he does what she always did, what she always taught him to do: he moves forward.

QIQI RECOGNIZING HIM........ god. God. “to qiqi, xiao has a familiar warmth. he has a certain sadness in his eyes that she's seen before everytime he glances at her” crying shaking bawling sobbing this is so good this is So Good. the detachment from reality the mutual loneliness the unique, strange sort of understanding of each other....... man.

“im finding it super super fUCKING NEAT about the twins separating and gaining each other's personalities to fill the empty space next to them. just to cope the loneliness, the grief, and i cant imagine how much it had been for aether for 500 whole years to lumine who's just starting to turn that way. just the thought of him slowly deteriorating, the way he changes over the years turned decades turned centuries is SO REAL THERES JUST. sumfin that makes him so dear 2 me”

aether my EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG abyss aether my everything [redacted au] my everything <33333 he is so very important to me fr and just. god. the twins both struggling So Much without each other there trying so hard to cope with it and ultimately failing so miserably in so many ways makes me soooooo. you can remember what they wouldve done you can remember their personality their choices their actions but you can’t cover your side the way they used to, you cant stop turning to talk to them only to realize you’re facing an empty space. paimon helps. paimon really, truly helps. but she’s her own person, a friend, not a sibling or a twin. not a replacement. not even close.

“id like to think how he differs with lumine that he's more carefree but also cautious, empathetic and a guy of mercy and defense. what you dont see on lumine is what you see on aether, and for lumine shes kinda crazy on her own which is prolly self projection or something + the petty im a lil tired of Girly Uwu Pure Sunshine Angel perception ppl have on her bc Girl and White Dress, so she can be a lil reckless And savage when she wants to (that one bit in jeht's last quests where shes like @ that fatui guy "She's Paimon, and I'm your worst nightmare." SENDS ME HOWLING). of course they're not complete opposites bc its not like lumine's disastrously apathetic to aether's empathy, they influence each other and fill the roles which are more in-tune at. and lumine's definitely the one who's inclined to impulse, now more contemplative these days; and aether, when he used think through so much about weighing between right or wrong, now figures his actions in the abyss overall is always, and justifiably, right”

THIS FUCKS SO HARD HELLO ???????????????????? god yes yes yes yes everything about aether is SO REAL and big mood with being tired of lumine being portrayed as sunshine incarnate. her being more reckless and somewhat savage is SO fucking real big big mood, and her impulsiveness turning into contemplation is so. fmngmfngmngm god. aether thinking he’s always right IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO no bc what the FUCK has the abyss twin seen to make them like that what the FUCK happened dear LORD

“like dear Lord gets the twins xiao zhongli venti everyone in my arms rn WE ARE MOVING” REALLLLLLLLLL like fanon isnt bad on its own but when people are constantly pushing it as “this is the RIGHT interpretation” or “this IS canon” its so. its so. its so. god.

“ALSO "xiao becoming possessed or corrupt somehow and lumine having to kill him but in those final few moments it’s him again and he smiles at her and she holds him as he dies." EX FUCKING CUSE ME IM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE“

giggling sm this lives in the very very back of my head always... sometimes love is the character who kills and the character who dies content just to be in their arms those last few moments <3 

[behindbrowneyezz]

12.5.22

Honestly, I keep putting off blogging because i know that when my dad gets free time...a sick thought in the head. Instead of just reaching out to me like a normal father, he decides to go stalk my social media accounts.  I've always wondered how he does this...im sure if its not some program he has discovered, then it probably is from katies page. Able to see all my pictures. The statuses i post. I don't mean just on here. in fact i dont even know if here can see this. BUT I do know he has checked my Facebook before, I know this from now 3 different relatives that have warned me about this. Somehow almost 3 years ago, he was able to see a very intimate status i had posted about my thoughts on him and the rest of my RELATIVES going to meet for lunch. Right in my area and didn't bother to send me an invite. Now I know very well most of them cant stand me. In fact i know none of them love me but my brothers, which im not upset about at all. We dont exactly come from a world full of wonderful humans. Each of us have HUGE skeletons in our closet. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. The only difference is that i’m super open about the fucking mess of a human I am! I dont hide it. I wear it on my sleeve every day. Some days more then others. But it drives them all nuts. I cant help that i love to talk, that i feel like people that claim to love me...would be curious on what goes on in my head..but they truly hate it. they wish id be silent. a sober, silent, YES MAM kind of broad. But even as a kid i had this fight or flight mode that never got turned off.

You see, i got molested a lot as a real young toddler. YES TODDLER, i didnt really ever think it affected me much. SO i never really spoke about it. I always told myself that somehow it just didnt affect me so what was the point in bringing it up. It wasnt till i was 17 years old and started drinking that it started to come a problem. Once I started drinking heavily, i started to remember things i had went many years ignoring. If you were to ask my father about this he would probably say that he think i’m lying about it. I dont care. What sick fuck would i be if that i was lying about something so serious. It was his stupid ass that got a druggie pregnant 3 fucking times and let her teach us ridiculous things. I never thought that id lie to my dad as a teenager. But as EVERY teen does, of course there were days that i lied. he was miserable, mean, and hardly interested in anything my brothers and i had going on. SO DUH YES i lied many days about many weird things so i didnt have to see the devil come out. BUT i can tell you ive never lied about the assaults ive experienced. In fact, ive been so honest to myself over the years about it because its the only way that i know that i’m going to DO BETTER. I was raised by and raised around nasty awful lairs themselves. For years i would blame myself, my broken brain for these moments..not realizing i had to understand that at those times..i was a CHILD. no one was there to fully protect me. My dad worked his ass off to always make sure we had a roof over our heads, which thank GOD for that....but wow does he hate me for all those years he lost. SO now he lives a life of ignoring where he came from, a life where he chooses to ignore the first human HE helped create because im ‘DIFFCULT” imagine. imagine thinking your job is over as a parent at 18 because you kicked her out for smoking pot and tossed her shit in trash bags....then moved states for a woman your children dont even know much about. Imagine right?

Well that's my reality. YES ive made a million mistakes....and you know what else? I’m probably going to make a million more throughout my life. BUt for some reason my father feels like i’m the only one hes relalated to that doesn’t deserve forgiveness, kindness, grace, and most of all love. Maybe its my fat ass mouth hes scared of. Maybe he truly hates the human i am. Maybe it IS easier to not have me around....but imagine treating your child like FAMILY is everything..work hard. play hard. and hold on tight because life is wild...all just to ignore them for the rest of their lives. Thats why i get so heated when he decides to just check on all my social media accounts. that coward cant even call or text me??? his ego is so big he truly thinks thats okay? he cant let me have a space where i can be myself and not have to worry about that ass hole reading every god damn word i say? if you hate me LEAVE ME BE. its actually not that hard. he has very much have shown me that. I DO call eveyone my relatives now because those people arent my family. granted some of them i have personally pushed away, but i dont feel bad about that. they chose to be who they are and i’m choosing to TRY to be better then what i was taught. They havent ever been MY family. they are my fathers family and they can very much keep it that way!! Lmfao, a coward AT BEST. i miss the man he was when i was a little girl. THAT man was a man of honor, love, and tough as nails. the person he is...now?...A soulless coward is what he is now. 

Soulless. Coward. 

Maybe he was always like that, maybe people will hate me for calling him that, but i can assure you hes said much worse things about me. Imagine loving to bash your own children to people that wouldnt be at your funeral. Imagine being at a dinner or a family gathering and then deciding to just try to convince everyone around you that your children are a mess and YOU had zero to do with it. Hes just embarrasing at this point. I cant imagine how that man sleeps at night, i dont understand how he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks ‘Wow chris you did great today’.

Maybe he was always this human, maybe I never truly saw him until i started to see the world more. I’m not sure. I hope that's not the case, i really dont. He was my hero, my world, he was the reason i didn't hate myself or life for so long. I really loved that man more then I could ever express. I thought we would be going to concerts, making family meals, and gossiping about women for the rest of my life. I always thought hed be in my apartment judging my things and fixing up anything i couldnt myself. I always thought wed be sending eachother new music we were obsessed with and sneaking off to a good happy hour spot. I truly wish i could talk to my younger self and tell her that its all fake. Dont enjoy those moments. Stop asking him to go to concerts,beg to move in with one of your grandmas. NEVER pick up that bottle. Man how different my world would be now if i had been able to. I dont hate him, i feel sorry for him. because one day, just like my birth mother, he will be dead and will have to see all the wonderful moments he has had to miss out on. HE has MY most precious gift on the planet and he uses it as a TOOL to brag to strangers about how much of a saint he is. Imagine right. Lets all pray for this man. When i saw him last he gave me a crockpot full of candy and hugged me once. that year he got everyone really nice gifts but me..in his words to one of my relatives “If its not on the list, i wont get it” . that year he must of felt like he HAD to ‘make an appearance’ as he used to love to say about life things when i was a child. Imagine, hating your one and only daughter so much you throw her a crockpot and then leave and never answer your phone to her calls or texts again. Ill never understand why he thinks people should all be chasing HIM for the rest of their life and he doesn’t have to give any love in return but SHEEEESH what a toxic trait. I probably wouldn't be so angry, so hurt if it hadnt been for all the wonderful parents out there that constantly give their children grace. Mind you, my grandma is one of those parents. Hes in his 40s and still calls her at least 4 times a week I’ve been told. So you'd think he had learned from the best. Lets all laugh together. my little girl self will always miss him dearly, but the woman i’m becoming sees a very different human. Maybe hes not even human at all anymore. Just a hallow shell trying to survive another shitty day on this shitty planet. 

They call this the Devils playground, i think they just may be right.

[barnes-n-nobles]

Attention (SMUT)

Request: Smut. Bucky gets jealous of her for getting too close to his friend Steve. So he punishes her 🍆🤤

Sorry for the delay! Here it is and I hope you enjoy! Let me know what y’all think!

You and Bucky had been invited to Tony Starks birthday party tonight. In most cases you would have an outfit ready, but Bucky wanted to dress you today. You thought it was the cutest idea ever and you let him choose for you. He came out of your closet with a beautiful black dress , that had a slit on the side. He got you this as a gift during the first month that you guys started dating. You were saving it for a special occasion so you were a little shocked that he would bring it out for today’s birthday party. Your eyebrows slightly bunched together in confusion as Bucky laid it on your bed.

���Why that dress for today babe? It’s just Tony’s birthday, not the met gala” you chucked. Buckys metal hand traced the side of the dress and smiled at the thought of seeing your body in this sexy dress. “I just want to show off my beautiful girl. Plus, my tux is all black as well. You know how I love matching with you” he smiled as he went to place a soft kiss on your lips.

You nodded in agreement , taking the dress off the bed and walking into the bathroom to change. “I just hope this dress doesn’t get ruined like my last one…” you sighed smiling at the memory that started to form in your mind. “What do you mean, Doll?” Bucky asked curiously.

“One day, Steve and Thor got so drunk at Natashas party that they started having “cake wars” and I made the huge mistake of trying to take the cake away from them and Steve threw a handful of cake at me, while he was trying to get Thor. I was so mad because the dress I got for that day was super nice but I had to get rid of it…it was way too stained” you stated as you slid yourself into your dress.

Bucky rolled his eyes at the sound of Steves name leaving your lips. Him and Steve had some unspoken tension between them that always puzzled you. Little did you know, Steve wanted you for himself but Bucky moved way too fast and was able to cuff you up before Steve even thought about it. Bucky and him were inseparable but once they both realized they were after the same girl, they both got distant. Bucky loved his friend but he always got everything. The fame, love, praise, recognition. He wasn’t going to let him get you though, because you belonged to him. Only him.

“He better not start his shit or I’m going to fuck him up” he spat. “Bucky, you’re not an angel when you get drunk either you get pretty angry AND / OR get into fights with everyone. “ Bucky knew that he had to tame his demons when he was around you just because he didn’t want to scare you off, but it’s been getting harder and harder to control it as men had gotten a bit too brave around you. Bucky wasn’t the type of shy off when something made him mad.

~~~~Later that night~~~~

You and Bucky walked into Tonys home and it never failed to amaze you how beautiful his house was. You hope to one day share a home with Bucky. One where you could one day raise a family of pets and eventually even kids. He noticed you were busy thinking about something so he nudged you to bring you back from your daydreams. “What’s wrong Doll? You seem distracted.” asking with a little scrunch of his eyebrows. “Oh it’s nothing just thinking about this huge-“ You we’re cut off by a familiar voice. “Y/n, Bucky, so glad you guys could make it. You’re only like 1 Hr late but who’s keeping track.” You all chuckled and said happy birthday to Tony. “Come join us, the food just got served”. As you walked into his lavish dining area you said hi to everyone and sat down on the 2 remaining seats. Steve was on your right and Bucky on your left. He soon started to talk to Sam who’s was next to him. “Hey y/n…I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?” Steve asked you giving you a quick hug. You thought that Bucky would have turned around or at least notice but he was too busy joking with Sam.

“Hey Steve it has been a while. Just going through life, you know.” You smiled warmly.

“I feel you. It’s so good to see you. Your little boyfriend likes to keep you all to himself huh?” He asked softly so that only you could hear him. You just smiled and shook your head side to side, not wanting to answer. Steve was always a flirt you thought, but in reality he liked to push your buttons to see your pretty little face flush. After dinner you all moved to Tonys living room, everyone consumed in their own conversations. Bucky was next to you the whole night , making sure you were having a good time as well. “I’m going to go upstairs real quick, Tony is needing a hand with one of his “toys”. I’ll be right back Doll” he said placing a kiss on your cheek. You nodded and decided to pick up your phone to check up on any notifications you had.

Steve gulped down his drink from across the room as he saw Bucky leave your side finally. He started to approach you as soon as he was out of sight. “All alone?” He asked looking down at your small frame. Your eyes snapped up to see Steve standing in front of you. “ For now, Bucky is out doing something “ you said looking in the direction that he walked “May I sit?” He asked with a smirk. You nodded and scooted over. You and Steve started having a nice conversation and got all caught up with eachothers lives. He brought you some drinks to loosen you up and they seemed to be working perfectly as you started to feel a bit more chill and relaxed. Steve laid his arm over the top of the couch and scooted closer to you, making your face turn hot but the closeness. Steve leans over close to your ear and whispered “You look absolutely stunning. Tell Bucky to bring you around me a little more, hun. I’m sure he’s the sharing type.” You knew he was getting a little too comfortable due to the drinks he’s been having but you tried not to make a big deal. “Steve, please.” you warned wanting him to know there was line he was approaching and that he hould not cross. “Please what y/n…. I never see you and I know for a fact it’s because of Bucky. I’m also your friend and I want to be around you and in your life. Don’t you want that?” You turned your face around to get a bit of separation. But then he used his thumb and index finger to turn your face towards him. “Well?”. You didn’t know what to say so you stayed silent just looking down. Steve was irritated and he let go. Standing up looking down at you. “When you make your own decisions, you know where to find me” he said turning around but then suddenly he bumped into a strong chest. Your eyes shot up and you were frozen.

There he was, his chest falling up and down in absolute anger. Looking straight into Steve’s eyes. “Get out of my face Buck.” Steve said in a low tone. Bucky didn’t say a word, his nose flaring and his chest rose and fell slowly with anger. His metal arm rapidly grabbed his throat. “DONT ever touch her again. I’ll fucking kill you” and with that he threw him across the room by his neck, hitting some tables and chairs as he fell to the ground. Everyone snapped their attention over to you guys a few gasps and screams erupting. You quickly stood up and got in front of Bucky, placing your hand on his bicep as if it would calm him down. “Please Bucky, stop...” you said looking over at Steve who was surrounded by people as they tried to help him up. Tony and Sam went over to you guys to make sure that Bucky wouldn’t escalate this any further. “Bucky, you need to control yourself. This isn’t the time nor place. “ Sam said turning to look at Steve who was now up and getting held back and talked to by Thor and Vision. “Jesus Christ Barnes, you could have at least given me some time to pull out my phone to record that.” Tony said making Bucky snap out of his trance and you could see a small smile starting to form. Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. “But yes..like Sam said. Not the time and definitely not the place. Pepper is going to kill me. “ as he looked at the broken table. “Sorry Tony, we’re just going to head out. I promise we’ll pay for that” you stated pulling Bucky away.

As you guys were heading to the entrance of the house, Bucky quickly pulled you into a near by room and locked the door behind him. You almost got whiplash at how fast he got you in there. “what the fuck were you doing with Steve, why did you let him get that close to you.” His big broad frame towered over you. “I didnt...well.. I dont know he was just sitting there and he got so close, i felt so trapped I didnt know what to do. “ you explained not knowing what to say to not make him more mad. “you know i dont fucking like him, why would you even entertain him? Do I need to brainwash you to never speak to anyone else but me... Hmm?’‘ he said pinning you to a nearby wall and pressing his body up against you. You didnt know if the drinks finally got to you or what, but you were feeling all tingly inside. Absolutely loving Buckys dominance. “or do you just want some attention. Because ill give you all the attention in the world Doll...but you'll only get it from me...no one else.” he whispered into your face.His lips brushing lightly over yours. You let out a little moan, his words going straight into your pussy. “I just need yours. You know that” you purred leaning in for a kiss. Bucky pulled away looking at your beautiful eyes, filling up with want and lust. “ Im going to show you that you only belong to me, and Ill make you crave only me and my attention. now turn over” he said giving you a quick kiss. 

You obediently turned and he started to slide your panties down. Buckys hands started to roam your body, his metal arm stopping at your clit. “I need you to be quiet for me Doll. Can you do that?” he said as his hard cock was grinding on your ass. “Yes, Sargent Barnes” you moaned as his fingers started to play with your clit. “Fuck...sucha good girl”. When he felt that you were wet enough he grabbed your hair and shoved you down onto a nearby dresser, earning a gasp from you. He pulled himself out and pulled up your dress, giving you a nice hard slap on your ass making you whine. “You had your fun with that imbecile “ he said as he aligned his throbbing cock at your entrance. “now its time for me to punish you like a whore for talking to him. “ and with that he rammed inside of you, letting out an animalistic growl at your tightness. Your moans ripped through your throat as he started to pump himself inside of you, with out much gentleness. His metal hand quickly went to your mouth, muffling your beautiful sounds. “Shh babygirl..cant let anybody else hear”. He thrusted into you hard and fast, making you see stars and your mewls restrained by his cold hand. Your wetness soon started to drip down your leg. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, feeling nothing but pure pleasure and bliss. Buckys arm went down to your neck and he pulled you up, making you arch your back. He leaned down looking at your fucked out face while he stuffed you full of his cock over and over again. He started to have a hot sloppy make out session with you, moaning into your mouth and you doing the same. Tongues interwoven into each other.

Bucky grunted your name, standing upright one more time. He grabbed your hips and started to fuck into you harder, his head snapping back as he was so close. “fuck im going to cum inside you Doll…Tell me who you belong to y/n..” he growled. “Y-you Bucky...only you Sergeant Barnes.” you moaned. Thats all it took for him to finally cum. His thrusts got sloppy as he spilled inside you. His cock twitching inside with each pause he took. He smiled as he pulled out, watching his cum spill down your leg. He pulled you up and gave you a passionate kiss. “dont worry Doll. We have much more to do at home. This was just a warm up, I’m going to give you orgasms after orgasms and you’re going to take it and enjoy it”

[reidsnose]

Black Eye

overview: reader and spencer go to reader's highschool reunion as a fake couple

genre: fluff i think

warnings: mild violence and swearing, a guy being kind of a total creep, and mentions of bullying

a/n: idk if its any good again just love the idea but it was inspired by a dream i had last night (thank you temporal lobe) so yeah let me know what yall think !! :) also im posting this at like ass oclock in the morning so whoops

masterlist

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you and spencer had gotten yourselves in quite the situation.

your dreaded highschool reunion was just around the corner and you made the mistake of complaining about it to penelope. she was always trying to make everyones life easier (and more interesting) so when she heard you had no date she took it upon herself to find you one.

it didn't take a lot of looking, none at all actually; because Penelope had already been trying to figure out ways to get you and Reid together.

you two were undeniably perfect for each other. you were an amazing team at work, you hung out alone all the time (though both of you denied these hang out as being dates, Garcia had her own ideas on this), and you were both very obliviously head over heels for each other.

and somehow, through the magical ways of Penelope Garcia, you and Spencer were now sitting in the parking lot, fake married for your high school reunion.

"do we need to go over our back story again?" you worried, looking up at him.

"our backstory is basically all true anyway we just fall in love after a little bit. and i have an eidetic memory so i remember; you're my wife you should know this!" he joked, trying to relax you. "we got this! we're gonna be so married!"

Spencer had actually never been this nervous in his life but he was trying to be brave for you. it would be more embarrassing for you both to show up like nervous wrecks than if you had just come alone. he was just happy to get to be fake married to you.

"the marriedest!" smiled, fist bumping him.

"now lets go make some people jealous!" he chuckled getting out of the car and jogging over to your side, opening your door before you got the chance to; like a true gentleman.

you stuck out your hand which he happily took into his, neither of you commenting on the redness you both had sprinkled across your cheeks. as you walked in, you saw all the people you dreaded seeing.

the boys who tormented you were balding and the girls who made sure you felt awful everyday had wrinkles riddling there skin. you were surrounded by botched botox and bleached blonde to cover graying hair. you felt terrible to admit it, but you were a little happy to see that their beauty had faded like this; they made their looks their whole personality in high school, you couldn't help but wonder what was left for them to be. not that it mattered, but you and Spencer were undeniably the most attractive couple there.

you actually had an ok time, you had spotted a few of your friends that you hadn't seen in quite a few years and it was nice to catch up.

Spencer had wondered a bit, but not too far, he was talking to some guys who used to be in science club when you were younger. you smiled at the thought of what they might be talking about.

"y/n! hey youve really filled out!" you heard a gruff voice from behind you.

you turned around and were met with the very unappealing face of the ex quarterback. Spencers attention had been caught at the sound of your name.

"um..hello," you muttered, trying to covertly back away from him.

"i see youve got a ring, interesting i dont remember us getting married!" he said in an incredibly creepy tone.

"do you know im a federal agent now?" you said through a gritted smile.

spencer had already begun walking towards you, he could tell something was off.

"ill tell you what sweetheart," he put his hand on your shoulder, pulling you slightly closer to him, "you can put me in handcuffs any day."

you threw his hand off of you and drew back your fist, but were cut off before you could deliver the punch but his hand engulfing your own, and squeezing.

"THATS MY WIFE!" spencer yelled in a voice you had never heard from him before.in the blink of an eye he was standing between in front of him. "do not ever talk to her like that, let alone lay a finger on her or so help me God i will-"

"what beanpole? what are you gonna do? what if i did this?" the man asked.

and then he sent a swift punch to Spencer's face.

thats gonna leave a mark.

in a matter of seconds, Spencer had him overpowered, laying face first on the floor with his hands uncomfortably angled behind him, completely helpless.

"now i'm going to let you go and you're going to walk out of here unharmed. if you try anything like that again, ill let my wife handle you. and i promise if she gets a hold of you, you'll be a dead son of a bitch." Spencer muttered in the mans ear, gruffly pulling him up by his collar and shoving him towards the door.

"were leaving." you said, grabbing Spencer's hand, trying to ignore how incredibly attractive he looked right now.

"babe if you want to stay we can stay," he offered as if he didn't just have his shit kicked in by a coward with misogynistic tendencies.

"honey, i want to take you home," you smiled, liking the way it felt to call him a pet name. you walked into the parking lot, "what were you thinking?"

"i was thinking this guy is trying to hurt you and i was not going to ever let that happen." he answered confidently as you two reached the car. "plus this totally made the marriage thing more believable. i wouldn't get a black eye for just anyone."

"thank you. i'm sorry you got punched trying to protect me." you sighed, feeling incredibly awful about the whole thing.

he chuckled, "id do it again."

you fought hard against the blush creeping up your face.

"i gotta say, the black eye really suits you. you look pretty badass." you chuckled, trying to change the subject before it got too sappy and you said something you shouldn't.

"maybe it should just be my new look," he joked, looking down at a ping from his phone. "uh oh."

"we have a case?" you asked.

"yep. and hotch wants us in the office asap which means we cont stop by either of our houses." he sighed before starting the car.

the drive was mostly silent. but a comfortable silence. Spencer thought about how in the moment, he didn't care how many punches the guy threw at him, as long as it meant you were ok, he was willing to take it. he knew he loved you far before that moment but that truly solidified it.

at the same time you were thinking of how quickly your time as a 'married couple' was over. it felt so right to call Spencer yours. so unexplainably perfect for the two of you to be together. if only your time wasn't cut short by a sucker punch.

you neared the building's parking lot. you looked over at Spencer who you could very easily tell was lost in his own world.

"whats going on in that beautiful head of yours?" you asked, causing him to stifle a smile.

"just thinking." he answered.

"what about?"

"us." he stated, pulling into his parking spot.

oh. oh.

"do tell."

he hesitated, "if i tell you, and you disagree, do you promise it wont change anything about us?"

"i promise."

"did it feel right to you? us being together?" he asked, his eyes innocent and filled to the brim with a mixture of anxiety and adoration as he looked at you.

"yes. it absolutely did. and i was so mad at the assclown for cutting our time short," you admitted, "and punching you in the eye, obviously."

"i- i'm not sure how to ask this but- do you...would you..sorry i-" he stammered.

"yes."

you cut him off, pressing your lips to his. his hand gently cupped your face, deepening the kiss and you both felt like you were on cloud nine.

"thats exactly what i was trying to say," he cracked a dopey smile, causing you to chuckle.

"i've been trying to say it for so long." you confessed, causing him to smile impossibly wider, "we gotta go hotch is waiting."

"just one more kiss?" he asked, which you gave in to, obviously. and then another. and another.

maybe it was good thing that he got a black eye that day, because when you got to the office the whole team was so focused on it they didn't even notice the hint of your lipstick left on spencers lips.

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos