#i dont think ill get it but. what if i did. tho i wont
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svankmajerbaby · 2 years ago
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had another even worse anxiety attack at work. its feeling bad folks
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished#and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing#or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol#inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!!#which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont#wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol#but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball#and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose#its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh#or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die#im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it#ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier#but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic#environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species#like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene#transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling.#i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt#teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff#what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready#my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol#unrelated
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silverislander · 10 months ago
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idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man
#i am a LITTLE bit sad i cant do grad school bc like. im going to miss writing essays and researching and all once i graduate#i do genuinely like doing it. call me a nerd or whatever but i love it esp when its on smth fun and interesting like this#now im not sad enough to actually DO grad school lmao#unless i got offered a scholarship or smth idk. wont happen but. hm. if it did.#seriously tho. i would think more seriously abt it if it werent for my adhd. i just dont think its realistic for me#as much as i like my field i dont think i have the ability to focus well enough to complete the work id need to complete#i went to the meeting abt grad school i learned abt what it requires/why people do it and all. i just dont think i can do that#and bc i ultimately cant get diagnosed -> cannot get help/medication thats not going to improve any time soon#after years of learning how to adapt and work with my brain this is probably the best i can do without medical/institutional intervention#its not worth paying a shitload of money and possibly setting my career back by years only to fail out yk?#im not too torn up abt it. ill give it more thought if it becomes relevant but rn its not really on my radar#ive done an excellent job in school! im getting an honours degree (hopefully)! most people dont even get that far#a lot of people with my condition dont even get into university let alone graduate. im incredibly lucky to be able to do what i can#levi.txt#this is all over the place but takeaway is im having a good time! things are coming together i feel confident in my work#im gathering theorists and sources for the section on night of the living dead and having a blast#ive got my examples all lined up my arguments make sense in my head i know where to look for applicable theories etc etc#i just need supporting quotes and im working on that rn!! it hasnt even been that hard#ok. back to work. i need to harness the power of caffeine once more (made my brain quiet) (no longer full of bees) (im in charge)
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie
I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!
thank you so much ♪(´▽`) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.
i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽` ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️
ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing (;´x`) but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽`;;; )
when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.
that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.
i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )
alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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my toxic trait is work taking up so much of my mind that i think i should just be paid for every bit of work i do. unfortunately this does not translate well to schoolwork and housework
#speculation nation#like i mean it's nice to just be able to do as much work as i want for my job#i can just go in on a day off for a few extra hours bc there's always more to do#and i always make sure to log it so i get compensated :)#but now in my mind doing Extra Work is categorized as Extra Pay but it literally doesnt work like that for personal work#looks regretfully towards my built up dishes...#i at least put my clean dishes away today. i meant to do them today but i dont think that's going to happen lol#i'll at least work on them in the next few days. i'd like to not be living bowl to bowl anymore#(the old 'clean one bowl to use one bowl' phenomena lol)#but i literally opened up my school account to review what the lecture today was about & to prep for lab tomorrow#and somewhere in my mind i was like 'ok i gotta record when i started so i can get compensated for this'#like u stupid bitch it doesnt WORK like that#i wish it did tho. god i should be paid for studying. government pls subsidize my degree. pls#i know that Kind of exists in the form of scholarships but get this im mentally ill and thus cant get scholarships#and so i have to work my way thru school. ugh.#what i wouldnt give for a free ride thru school with living expenses dealt with. INFINITELY jealous of students with rich family#they always talk about how successful people are more often successful bc of Life Advantages (like family paying for shit)#and like. god i feel that#me struggling my way thru school bc i gotta work and pay rent & the amount of work that requires overall is quite frankly crippling :)#i'll get there eventually... and maybe one day i wont have to work so much. we'll see lol
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toestalucia · 11 months ago
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what if i took back everything ive ever said for 2024 and made it into the year where i solely write farming sim charas instead
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ashenberry · 15 days ago
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[ID in ALT]
NO BUT FOR REAAAALL !!!! like i get why its happened, very similar reasons to why it happened in game but zero. not only ENABLES. but DOES SO MUCH FUCKING SHIIIIIT WAHG.
im sorry im still thinking about that one post. "les enfants terribles is eva babytrapping snake" in what world. in what world
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dollcherray · 7 months ago
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۶♡ৎ GILDED LILY ✮⋆˙
✮⋆˙ BLUE DIAMOND OVERLORD READER X ALASTOR
✮⋆˙ WARNINGS/NOTES: this is a remake of an old writing i did in my old account (we don't talk about the original writing.), depression mentions, this is short and not proofread.
۶♡ৎ SONG: I BET ON LOSING DOGS
۶♡ৎ Type: Fluff/light angst, headcanons, romantic/platonic.
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ALASTOR ۶♡ৎ
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۶♡ৎ You are... unusual to him, you easily could catch his attention the moment you entered the hotel, everyone was kind of astonished by your appearance and calm personality, and that included him, so, you could say you have picked his interest more fast than anyone he ever was interested in.
۶♡ৎ But you also annoyed him in certain aspects, we all know Alastor loves some good old tormenting souls in their weak spots, but you were a case where he had to regulate his teasing, or else he would be greeted by a very saddening aura.
۶♡ৎ Ah yes... your powers are also something i could see him interested in, but not as much as he is to Charlie's, well dont get me wrong but he would easily chose the princess of hell over a just peculiar demon, but you would be his plan B if his plan with Charlie fails, he still keeps an eye on you, especially since you don't die, you poof, now that's something he finds extra interesting.
۶♡ৎ Although, Alastor would find your kindness a bit weak, i mean, cmon honey, you are an OVERLORD! you are so powerful and yet so patient and kind is somewhat a waste of power since you always chooses dialogue rather than going physical, the person could be trying to eat you alive and there you are trying to talk to him, kinda reminds him of Charlie, only difference between you two is that when you want to be cruel you are CRUEL.
۶♡ৎ He finds how calm and collected you can be very admirable, he thinks you are a very pleasant person to be around, since you weren't loud nor depraved in the tiniest like some of the hotel, so Alastor would be rather happy to stay with you, it's quite relaxing to him honestly, having someone who isn't sexually depraved or trying to insult him every 5 words, not that he cares tho, its just tiring to hear so many "jealous souls" trying to get his attention (in his words)
۶♡ৎ You would probably easily grow on him if you tried, all you had to do was keep being calm, quiet and he would already be attached to you like he is to Rosie, the only difference he is a bit more of a collected gentleman since you weren't as agitated and extroverted as Rosie.
۶♡ৎ Now, what can worry him after he grows attached to you is how depressing and destructive you can get when upset or sad, we all saw how mean Blue was before era 3 events, so Alastor will 100% try to ''comfort'' you, saying that crying like that can develop a serious mental illness such as depression.
۶♡ৎ But if anything, he would try to use this emotional deregulation of yours to his advantage, lets be real, Alastor is a clever demon, he wouldn't let a chance like this slip from his fingers easily, but, if he's attached to you enough, he would actually genuinely try to help you.
۶♡ৎ Finds your voice relaxing but wont openly admit it, if you sing or hum something and he's around, he will secretly relax to the sound of you singing or humming, before being interrupted by Angel's obnoxious teasing towards him.
“You are quite divine to me my dear!”
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casually-salad · 2 months ago
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The time is ticking, for the both of them.
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bonus content below :3
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this is the layout of the room zecora is staying in!!!! inside of celestias castle there is a wing with some rooms for diplomats from other parts of the world to stay in, most notably cadence has a bedroom in the castle in that part of the wing. this was a sketch i did of her room to decide how i wanted to lay out the one celestia is in.
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now for zecoras gear, its based off this cuuute dark red hazmat suit i had found that i cant find the image of again but i saved the one i based the rest off of, dosent it look kinda dumb? i love it
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ANYWAY so with her experiments i planned on drawing a total of THREE????? pannels gruesomely describing it. but i decided it was showing too much and cut it, although i dont have those sketches anymore :/ it was one long poem basically and i think i was just having too much fun rhyming her speech. and SPEAKING of speech, i do try to give every pony a bit of differentiating speech patterns but these two (( three for discord )) so i had a lot of fun writing them. for luna i had to really simplify her speech because she would be talking like this "inlēten ich gī" and that might be more annoying to read than not. i decided to include fluttershy and discords sheets here because. you already know theyre there theres no point in waiting. and yeaaaaaah i changed fluttershy, the colors on my computer screen were so off id be coloring in neons when i thought it was pastels thats why the text was so hard to read for a while. i plan on shifting it around a bit more.
Fluttershy's infection is not able to spread because her cutie marks were removed, frozen in time so that they cannot progress. They eat away at the magic in a corner of the dimension where they can't damage anything or get any worse.
now as for something ive been asked to clarify about before! Lunas dreaming powers! how is she killing the ponies? as how is it works, she has a physical form and a dream form she can switch inbetween unlike most ponies who can only be in their dream form while dreaming, and awake form while awake. because she is in charge of keeping every pony from having nightmares - usually a ponys dream form never ends up dying, and if theres an accident luna can bring them back. but what happens to their physical bodies? usually they wont be able to dream anymore because they dont have a dream body, but if their dream form is purposefully killed.. both die. So as luna passes from dream to dream shes leaving behind a pile of corpses in the dream and waking world
also! because you read this far im doing an AMA, lemme know youre questions, theories, and what you wanna see!! you can send asks or reply to this post - if you send me an ask tho ill probably do a little doodle. ok thank you byebye
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quodekash · 7 months ago
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FUUUUUUUUUUUCKing hell theyre gonna kiss today????
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hes so grumpy already I love this so much
the silent conversations chain and toey are having with their eyes oml I cant
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pls this is so funny
theyre both deeply in love with someone else so it's jsut so unnatural to them
BUT ALSO id like to mention that the first thing chain did when he had to pretend to be hitting on toey was put his arm around his shoulders and rest his hand there. which is what he's literally ALWAYS doing with pun, no matter when it is, he's always standing next to pun with his hand resting on one of his shoulders
its like he associates his time with pun as being in a romantic relationship 👀
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THESE FUCKIN BASTARDS 😭
JUST KISS IM BEGGING YOU
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theyre lost in their own little world 🥺
kiIIIIIS
this is too funny, the cuts from "chain. chain what happened next." to ✨soulful dramatic guitar music✨
im sad they didnt actually kiss but also im not surprised
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LOOK AT THEM, DUDE
THEYRE SO NATURAL WITH EACH OTHER
I FUCKIN LOVE FRIENDS TO LOVERS SO SO MUCH
half convinced theyre already dating, they just cant be bothered saying anything so theyre waiting for others to ask them about it
PUN IS SO CUTE DUDE I ADORE HIM HES FUCKING ADORABLE
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I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH THEYRE SOIMPORTANT TO ME
if I ever have a romantic partner, this is what I want
I cant explain it, I just wanna run up to them with pure joy and excitement, and for them to hold me back by just pushing against my skull
it just seems perfect, idk why
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GB4JHERGB
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THE FRIENDSHIP OF ALL TIME
genuinely think I might be more invested in their friendship than all the romantic relationships in this show
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im fucking CRYING
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my king matt, this was so unnecessary and I love everything about it
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why does it suit him so well tho
they should kiss again I think
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I feel everything about this image on a spiritual level
THIS ENTIRE AMUSEMENT PARK SEQUENCE BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY AND DOPAMINE IM IN LOVE WITH THSI EPUSODE
NEW COMFORT EPISODE UNLOCKED
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look its really funny but I do feel bad cos this day is not even a little bit fun for him
like q is having a complete shit time
poor chain doesn't love amusement parks but he has to go on the rides with toey to keep up the facade cos toey loves these rides 😭
and its even worse realising Q also seems to love amusement parks, so he would be having a fucking amazing time if he could just go on all the rides next to Q cos they both love it so much 😭😭
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fuckin FINALLY
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LMAO WHAT
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THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I JUST SCREECHED WITH LAUGHTER SO LOUD AND ITS MIDNIGHT
THE PURE COMICAL SHOCK AS HE REALISDE WHAT HE SAID, THE EXCITEMENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE AS THEYR EALISE WHAT HE SAID
I mean to be fair it was REALLY obvious
im surprised no one noticed earlier but also its a bl so im not at all surprised to find out theyre all fuckin dumbasses
SERIOUSLY THO TANFANG IS WHAT I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP HOLY SHIT
a lot of the time watching bls ill be like "I want that" but its usually as a joke
but THIS?? the fucking adhd bastard (me) who just wants to be near their partner and compliment and always stimming and just having a swell fucking time while the other one loves them but is mildly tired but also in adoration? FUCKIN GIMME
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also how the fuck has Q not realised, theyre all so fucking obvious
also also I cant explain it it just feels deeply as though pun and chain are for real dating they just havent told anyone yet
ill make a post about it all at some point maybe (I definitely wont)
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PHYSICAL TOUCH IS HIS LOVE LANGUAGE 😭😭😭
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HE DOESNT HAVE TO HOLD HIM SECRETLY ANYMORE THEY CAN JUST WALK HAND IN ARM NATURALLY NOW
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hear me out tho, this gets even funnier if he's actually already in a committed relationship that no one knows about yet
I dont think it's secret dating, it's just 'not super obvious dating to try and see JUST how oblivious all our friends are. its been three years at this point and still no one's said anything. we're starting to lose all hope.'
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I love tan so much, the little wave
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what the FUCK
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what the FUCK FUCK???
THE SOUNDWIN LINE????
HERE IT IS ITS FUCKIN COMIN GUYS
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HE SAID IT
HE FUCKIN SAID IT
[insert that gif of the crowd of people in the bar going insane]
holy fucking shit dude holy fucking shit
my legs are literally shaking idk if I can do this
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FUCK TO THE YES, FUCKING EXPLICIT ASK FOR CONSENT HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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WHAT THE FUCK
AND THE FUCKING SONG IN THE BACKGROUND !!!!
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HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE
im gonna be here all day
I dont even need to watch the rest of the episode now
I can just go to bed if I want and watch the rest later or smth
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dude I cant wait for q to realise that toey is milk frappe guy
HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT JUST PROCESSED IN MY MIND THAT THEY KISSED
WHAT THE FUCK
omg making out in a haunted house, what a dream
the workers watching on the security cameras probably had a blast that day
how funny would it be if there'd been a scare actor in the shadows in that room with them and they'd been about to scare them but they were too shocked with that tender kiss to remember they have a job
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he needs to lie on his bed and just stare at his roof and think about that for a while
tbh same
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look at him 🥺 he's so lost in that memory
thEY FUCKIN MADE OUT HOLY FUCK
welp on that note I think im done for now
I might finish the ep with my silly thoughts+screenshots later but for now tis the time for sleep
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#hhhh my body is tired. i couldnt sleep and then my day was upside down and i spent 4hrs transfering algae#i still have 1 work day until i go home. which is to say i will do 2 days of computer work and 1 day of manual labor in the field before i#go home. bc i have to get these fucking manuscripts done#but i guess it was an ok day. it wasnt yesterday where i left the lab by 12 for fear of bursting into tears. sometimes i just cant stand to#work sitting down. its really annoying#but i did have to say goodbye to our visiting phd student today bc she goes back to spain in the new year#which is sad bc shes really cool but she liked to do snail mail so im excited to be pen pals with her#bc ive never done the snail mail thing. shes like 5 to 10 years older than me? like old enough to have fully formed memories of the 90s#hhhh i still have to order Christmas presents. i just. i wish i could stop the present exchange. no body buy me anything so i dont have to#buy u anything. im so tired.#and i still have to make Christmas presents for my parents and sisters. with what time?#ill have to burn away my vacation time for that. hhhh i shoulf just sleep now#but i wont. ill pack bc i might as well while im being unproductive and i wont make time for it later so ya kno#i just wanna be home not doing anything but also i have many things to do and lots of things to prepare before i can do school visits#assuming i get more than one. and oh fuck thats right i still have that last application. tomorrow morning thsts what ill do. god dammit#the 4 hrs of algae transfering was my break and me being unfocused now#just 3 more days and 2 full day of traveling then i can whine at my parents abt how sad i am lol nah ill do that thing where u go#haha yea im in a lot of pain lmao so no one fully takes u seriously even tho ur saying something fucked up#that my mo bc i cant take my pain seriously. part of my brain detaches itself and thinks its all v funny#bleh. brain is goo#unrelated
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pinkandlilacroses · 7 months ago
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 6
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• summary {in which an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {angst, it gets cute at the end tho}
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averys pov
“avery why cant we tell them” azzi yells, this has been our third fight this week about this topic
“azzi you know why we cant” i say, sternly
“no i dont, thats why im asking”
“azzi, bellas in the other room. shut up” i say
“ok, fuck you” say says, walking out
azzis pov
azzi
- u home
paige
- pls dont come
- stay with avery please
azzi
- im coming
fuck paige has been weird lately, and she wont tell me
its definitely something with bella
i don’t know how bella doesn’t notice
paige is in love with her
“azzi what did i say” paige says, yelling, tears flooding her eyes and the neck of her shirt
“paige whats happening” i say, genuinely concerned for my best friend
she begins wailing. i’ve never seen her cry like this before
i quickly wall up and embrace her
“i fucked it” she says, barley getting her words out
“i want her and ill never be able to make her mine” she continues
“bella?” i question
“yes” she says, raising her voice
“im calling her”
“no, azzi, no, please don’t. please” she says, pleading, her voice growing louder
“paige, you need to talk to her. i’ve never seen you like this before” i say, authoritatively
“she hates me”
azzi is calling bella
“hey bella”
“hey”
“can you come over”
“yeah ill come now”
call ended
“paige this is a good thing, you guys need to talk”
bellas pov
i know this is about paige
id be lying if i said i was fine about this situation
i’m reality, i’ve been crying. everyday. at any given opportunity
i dont have any resentment towards paige, even though i definitely should. i mean, what she did was fucked
and she never explained herself, all she could say is “i cant do it” like what the fuck does that mean
knock, fuck i should leave
knock, i hate her
knock, no i dont
“hey bella” azzi says, bringing me into her embrace. i know azzi and avery are dating, but they cant tell anyone because avery cheated on jake with azzi, and she hates what she did. but she truly does love the girl, cute. i hate love
“paige is in her room”
walking towards paiges room, nerves surprisingly aren’t present. i felt calm, normal
“who is it” paige yells, across the door
“bella” i say, yelling back
paiges pov
“shit shit shit” i say to myself, i look awful. i didn’t think she would actually show up
i’ve been crying for what feels like years, and i finally can get everything off my chest. but i’m more terrified than ever before
she opens the door. fuck
“hey paige” she says softly, i cant bear to look at her. i dont want to see how she has effected me
“paige look at me” she says, sitting down next to me, leaning over. hand on my knee
i look at her
shock plastered on her face
she says nothing, bringing me close and wrapping her arms around me, protectively
“im so sorry” i say into her chest
“paige its ok, im not mad”
“yes you are, i fucked up” i say, tears beginning to form again
she moves so we are face to face, her laying on top of me
“you dont know how bad i want you bella, but i’m, i’m scared” i say, i’ve never been this vulnerable with a girl before. i feel weak
“paige its ok, theres no pressure” she says, reassuringly
“i know you dont feel the same, thats why ive been so down”
“how do you know, paige” she says, sternly. contrasting her previous tone
“it’s obvious” i say. is it?
“no its not, i want you the same amount that you want me” she says, staring intently into my tear filled eyes, that are forming once again
“really” i say, genuinely confused
“yes” she says, slightly laughing
this cant be real, how, what, when, where, why.
after everything i’ve done, she still likes me?
“paige, you there” she says, commenting on my spacing out
“are you sure” i say, coming back to reality
she responds by gently pressing her lips to my own
this kiss was different than any others i’ve experience, its sweet, loving. reflecting of how i feel about her, and i guess how she feels about me.
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desire-mona · 4 months ago
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heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest
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Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3
more under cut !
big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy
birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2
if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will
ummmm relationship chart + template
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lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others
wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁
but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))
tw suicide for next part bee tee dub
a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.
oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives
cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.
kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.
so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together
i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY
and then nothing bad happens!
if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes
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they make me so fucking upset.
anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.
idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH
thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks
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seokmn · 4 months ago
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chapter XI : i dont want you sitting on my lap either
wc: 1k words
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seokmin knocked on seulgi’s door gently, “noona, it’s me. open up please”, after a few seconds the door opened, revealing the image of seulgi and it immediately broke seokmin’s heart. she was trembling and with puffy eyes, she looked devastated, like the worst thing had just happened to her… because it kind of happened.
seokmin placed the bags from the grocery shop on the floor and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. once seulgi was in seokmin’s embrace she broke down again, sobbing loudly and mumbling things seokmin couldn’t understand, “its gonna be okay…”, seokmin caressed her hair gently and kissed the top of her head, “its gonna be okay, i promise”
they stayed like this for a while until the moment seulgi broke the hug and spoke with a shaky voice, “thanks for coming.. come in”, seokmin smiled at her and nodded, grabbing once again the grocery bags and coming inside her apartment. he placed the bags on the kitchen counter and sat on the couch, patting his lap while looking at seulgi with a kind expression.
“you want me to… sit on your lap? i dont want that” seulgi said sniffing, she looked more calm but confused and kinda disgusted about his request. seokmin laughed and shook his head, “are you crazy? i dont want you sitting on my lap either! rest your head on my lap, let me comfort you”
“ah.. that makes sense” she said giving him a small and weak smile and laying on the couch, placing her head on his lap. seokmin’s hand quickly went to her hair, caressing it softly. he didnt say anything, hoping she would talk first, but when he noticed she wasnt going to speak first, he spoke up, “you know that no matter what happens, i dont and wont regret being in a fake relationship with you, right?”
“i know… youre the best guy ive ever met, thank you for everything” seulgi spoke quietly, her voice breaking, indicating that she was about to burst into tears once again, “but i wish we didnt do that… i should’ve fought for irene, for our love. but i acted as a coward, i thought that faking a relationship with someone, with a man specifically, would be the solution of all of my problems. i didnt think about what would come next.. i couldn’t live in a fake relationship for the rest of my life”
seokmin listened to her words carefully, a frown deepening on his face, “dont say that, you and irene made this decision together, also, shes an idol and its a homosexual relationship. you two were scared of the hate and the homophobia you could receive and suffer.” he paused, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to not cry before opening again, “im sorry that it had and has to be like this, im sorry that you had to hide your feelings and your real relationship with your soulmate just because of her gender and her career”
seulgi shrugged her shoulders, staring at the wall with a picture of her and irene on it, “i talked to her before you get here”
“and? what will you two do?” seokmin asked, “we’ll tell the truth. her company will confirm the rumors and ill post an apology letter and explain everything. i wont tell about your secret tho, i wouldnt dare to”
seokmin smiled at her, even tho she wasnt looking at him, “thank you… now, have you already eaten?”, seulgi shook her head, “ill cook for you then, i already knew your answer would be a no”, he said lifting her head carefully and gently so he could get up from the couch and walk towards the kitchen. seulgi sat up on the couch and watched him as he made his way to her kitchen.
“im really glad youre my best friend, thank you for everything, literally everything”, she said as seokmin started to cook, his back facing her, “you dont need to thank me, everything that i did i only did because i love you and id do anything to make you happy, just like id do to make any of my friends happy. plus, i got to pretend to have something i’ll never have so you were helping me as well”
she didnt say anything, she always knew how the lack of a soulmate affected seokmin quite deeply. she hated it, she wanted seokmin to have a seokmin in his life, to have someone as sweet as him to be his lover. after all, seokmin deserves it, he deserves to be loved just like he loves people. if he did all that for the sake of his best friend and to see her happy, then what could he do for his loved one? its not fair to him, she wanted to see him being happy.
“food’s ready, come eat”, he said after a while, his sudden words made seulgi look at him, getting back to reality after finding herself lost in her thoughts about seokmin. she smiled and walked towards the dinner table, “smells delicious”
before seulgi could sit on the chair, the doorbell rang, “are you expecting someone?”, seokmin asked and seulgi shook her head.
seokmin slowly made his way to the front door and opened it, his eyes opened wide when he saw irene standing there. he looked at seulgi and then at irene, “hum.. noona?”
“ye-“ seulgi stopped talking in the same moment she saw irene, the woman smiled at her and in a blink of an eye seulgi found herself wrapped around irene’s arms.
“i- huh… i guess ill get going then. enjoy your time together and the food, please. i cooked with a lot of love” he said, but it was like he didnt even say a thing, the lovebirds were too focused on their own world to even remember or notice seokmin’s presence. he smiled at the sight of them hugging each other and mumbling “i love you” repeatedly and left seulgi’s apartment.
once he was out, he grabbed his phone and saw a bunch of notifications of his gc and missing calls, mostly from chan.
“shit, this is going to be hard to explain”
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prev - next
INVISIBLE STRING
in a world where when you turn 18 you share an invisible string with your soulmate that only you and your respective soulmate can see it, seokmin, also known as dokyeom, is an actor in the musical theatre world that doesnt have a soulmate and keep it as a secret. meanwhile, yn works in a bookstore and doesnt seem bothered at all by the fact of not sharing a string with someone. is it possible to change the destiny and find your soulmate even tho you dont share the invisible string with anyone?
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ivanisdying · 4 months ago
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ranting (blitz&stolas relationship)
(ive been very inactive i apologise..)
i cannot fathom how angrynthe whole blitz n stolas thing is making me.. ppl hating on both sides but they r both in the wrong??? stolas saying hes never looked down on him when he HAS. has bro forgot the entirity of season 1?? stolas constantly called him his 'little imp' or his 'little plaything', and never really took him seriously. blitz could see that as mocking. but even then stolas's nickname for blitz is blitzy and he uses it infront of striker implying its a petname not that hes mocking blitz. in the first pilot ep he says along thw lines u do ur job and ill do mine. the whole deal was that in order for blitz to keep using the book was for him to have sex w stolas. so idk... another thing about the book. i think it was his only excuse to keep seeing stolas which is why he begged and begged for it. saying he NEEDS the book. he was about to apologise and you CAN HEAR IT "stolas, wait, im s-" AND THEN HE GETS TELEPORTED OUT... YOU COULD SEE HIM REACHING FOR HIS ROBE.. the fact their argument was where the crystal thing was and its when everything started. . . in an episode when stolas is laying down in the bed and blitz is crawling over to him he eyes the book as its the reason why he was doing it. in apology tour he pushes the book out of the way and is only looking at stolas !>!@>?!?!!@?! he doesnt care ab the book he cares ab STOLAS they both said what they needed to say but i dont think either of them fully took it in. stolas shpuldve let blitz talk but HE DIDNT.. in apology tour you can see his expression change whenever he looks at stolas and it BREAKS ME. and blitz apologises to verosika i think she actually forgave him. instead of calling him blitz-O she just calls him blitz which might imply a friendship or acquaintance in the future.. she gave him cake and left n i think she realised blitz is his own biggest hater. iv3 kinned blitz since the beginning tho i rlly liked moxxie.. silly guy stolas has complete right to be mad at blitz because he cant keep giving himself to someone who wont hear him out. but i beleive when blitz realises he loves him itll be too late. "im not in love w u anymore" "i didnt know u ever were" GHJRHFJDHFJH when blitz got jealous over stolas making out w another guy.. jealousy = feelings
blitz is harder to understand and sympathise for because he lashes out and gets upset by anger. it def has to do with his self hatred. notice how when stolas mentions anything about him leaving blitz splits and starts freaking out. he def has abandoment issues or bpd.. i think him n verosika is a reason why hes too scared to actually commit to another relationship.
they NEED to short shit out and have a gen talk or their situationship will go nowhere. it pains me knowing how bad they both struggle. in apology tour when blitz starts looking at him with a guilty look he sees stolas as his depressed and alcoholic self. and even when the guy asked to dance HE STILL LOOKED AT BLITZ FOR APPROVAL. i dont get why ppl hate on stolas for making out w a guy drunk when blitz did the same thing?? when they are walking down the hall stolas had covered every family photo except for leaving a space for where octavia was and rhat broke me... blitz doesnt believe anyone could actually love him. let alone a prince. and he says this multiple times but i dont think stolas really hears him. their trope is that stolas fell too early and blitz fell too late owls only fall in love once and he's pinged on him since they were kids LIKE ?!!?!?!? if stolas found out that he was bought to spend the day w him i think he'd distance himself even more. i need blitz to break down in stolas's arms like js something. im beginning to believe blitz does feel remorse for his actions and actually starts to feel bad ab what hes done. ghgghghhg this relationship makes me wanna rip my hair out and scream and roll on the floor (I mightve missed some things but this will conclude my rant)
I SWEAR vizzie is allergic to happiness ....
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hapfish · 5 months ago
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Hey! I'm making a F!Leo cosplay and I was wondering if you have any advice for how to do the shell? The plastron, specifically. Yours was amazing! Ty xx
Yeah of course!!! Luckily the rise plastrons are very geometric so its pretty easy to make a pattern from it! I dont have pictures of early steps so pls bear with me <3 info n pictures below the cut
First thing i did was make a pattern of my torso with plastic wrap and tape so i could see the curve of my stomach and chest. Cant say this helped a TON, but i cant imagine things in my head, so it helped me conceptualize the size and dimensions i would need the front panels to be to cover my torso.
Next i started sketching small patterns for what the cut outs may look like. DEFINITELY make a paper pattern, this took a lot of trial and error and you dont want to waste too much foam. I cannot for the life of me find my paper patterns unfortunately, but hopefully you can see part of where im coming from with the detailed pictures of the plastron!! I made patters for 1/2 of the plastron, and flipped the patters over to make the other half mirrored and symetrical.
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Now the cutting. I used .7mm foam (i think?? I got it from micheals. Joann fabrics has some but only small sheets. If you want less seams you should get the bigger ones, or buy massive sheets online. EVA foam isnt too hard to find, but make sure your density and width is appropriate for what youre making. When actually cutting the pieces out, some cuts will be flat while others may work best at an angle. I used mostly 90* and 45* angles to make clean edges and corners.
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Bear with me bc the pictures in this next part are kinda uglie </3 ill explain why later.
For matching the curve of the body, i used a fresh blade and made shallow triangle cuts on the backside of the foam as can be seen here:
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It would have worked better if the chest pieces were also vurved by i was on a time crunch and didnt have the time to make a 3rd or fourth plastron (yes this was a second fully completed attempt orz). Im also a bigger dude so it may be easier if your torso is smaller. I also had the benefit of making my pants from scratch (using a demon slayer uniform pattern that i altered) so i made the waistband big enough to tuck the shell into, which helped with keeping it curved around my body.
(This but only applies to future leo and i did post gluing the pieces together, but for his Top Surgery Scars™️ i cut into the chest at a 45*angle, then glued those pieces back onto the back side to seal the cut)
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For gluing, i tried a whole lot of types but jothing worked as well as cement glue. It is toxic tho so make sure you do it outside or with good ventilation, and wear gloves/a mask. I did two layers on each edge then stuck the edges together, 3 if i noticed the foam absorbing it to much. Make sure you take the gluing slow and really put pressure on the pieces to lock them together. Follow the instructions and youll do fine.
For painting, i did 2 layers of modge podge, 1-2 priming layers (depends on if foam is white or black to start), and then whatever layers you need for a smooth coat of color. I topped it off with modgepodge again to seal it, but that may not have been the best idea for the following reasons....
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EW YUCK. WHY IT LOOK LIKE THAT.
Well. It didnt always. Turns out when youre wearing approx 3 laters in the summer then cover your body with insulating foam, the heat and moisture makes the modgepodge MELT. and like i said before, this bottom portion was tucked into my pants so it did not breathe. I have yet to even try to find a solution but just keep it in mind when making your cosplay (and if you find a solution PLEASE LET ME KNOW! My one idea was tryna find a sealant that wont melt (obv) but idk what that would be)
And FINALLY. how to secure it to the body suit!! I used snaps!! So easy and nice (besides the melting issue but thats a different thing entirely.) They never came off or gave me problems (minus the melting) and made the shells easy to transfer/travel with and put on.
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(Heres a pic of them on the suit sewn in by hand, and above you can see them on the shell itself.)
All in all, The plastron was so so hard and im honestly still not happy with it, planning to remake it before i wear him again. Please show me your cosplay when you finish it, id love to see!! Please lemme know if you have any other questions!! 🐢💙
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