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serowotonin · 4 years ago

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falling ; bakugou k.

pairing ( bakugou katsuki x fem!reader ) wordcount ( 2.4k ) genre ( fluff & basically pining )

↷ a hc-styled narrative describing the four stages bakugou katsuki goes through as he finds himself falling for you . . .

STAGE I ( impression ) ;

the first time bakugou laid eyes on you was during the entrance exam at UA.

back then, you were just another face in the crowd of faces he was going to have to beat to earn his spot in UA

the first time bakugou spoke to you wasn’t memorable to him either

like with everyone else, he was loud and rude and made it very clear he wasn’t interested in playing friends

after that you became a part of the class, just another extra, someone who’d just get in the way

that was all he thought you were…

until you kicked todoroki’s ass one day during training

the teachers had paired everyone in the class and told you to practice your 1-on-1 combat skills using your quirk

bakugou, who was paired with kirishima went first

you and todoroki were to be the last pair

despite a good effort put up by kirishima, bakugou still ended up winning that round

when it was finally yours and todoroki’s turn, bakugou paid extra attention

in his mind, he knew todoroki was powerful and someone to watch out for

but what happened was quite unexpected

you maneuvered easily through todoroki’s attacks with a combination of physical prowess and creative usage of your quirk

let’s just say his ice didn’t work on you and he was caught off guard, allowing you to snatch a win

needless to say, most of your classmates were a bit surprised at first

bakugou included

they knew you were strong but they didn’t know you were that skilled

whatever the rest of the class thought didn’t matter to bakugou though

all he knew was that now he had to keep an eye on you

STAGE II ( perspective ) ;

after that event, bakugou did indeed keep his eye on you

it started off with him observing your moves whenever the class had to do any training exercises

he saw you fight with todoroki a couple more times after that

those didn’t end in easy victory for you as it did before because todoroki was now more wary of you

however, the way you evaded and countered his attacks was something to be praised

in bakugou’s subconscious opinion at least

your moves were carefully thought out and bakugou could see that

he could see the effort and practice you had put into perfecting them

not only that, he could also see the natural talent that you had to be able to become this strong

and it wasn’t only your fighting capabilities

you were also smart

maybe he hadn’t noticed it before but he did now

you seemed to always know the answer when a teacher called on you and your grades were great

slowly, but surely, you gained respect in his eyes

if he knew one thing about you, it was that you were maybe the tiniest bit better than the other extras

for a while it stayed like this, him acknowledging you but never making it obvious and you just doing your thing

that was of course until one day in the morning before class started

mina, kirishima, and sero were talking about things as they usually were and somehow the conversation led to you

they were talking about how strong and smart you were and going on about stuff

bakugou must’ve turned his head in their direction or something but mina noticed him listening so asked him cheekily what he thought of you

“y/n? of course they’re strong. anyone could see that.”

he said that pretty loudly and didn’t seem to notice you walking into the classroom

and of course you heard

“did my ears deceive or did the bakugou katsuki just praise me?” you teased

he was pretty embarrassed, blushing and sweating a bit but trying to hide it

soon after though, class started and the ordeal was forgotten

but something about that interaction led to you and bakugou becoming closer

closer in that instead of passing the other off as another strong classmate as you usually would, you’d actually greet each other and talk

you’d say hello to him in the mornings and goodbye after school and he’d just grunt or nod your way

but this was what it meant to be close to bakugou anyway

during the weeks that passed, bakugou found himself noticing you even more

before he only paid attention to your skills and thought about you as an enemy or rival of sorts

now it seems as if he’s just noticing the little things about you and your personality that make you who you were

he wasn’t doing it on purpose god forbid

no no it was just him being unknowingly observant

weeks turned into months and months turned into years

in a blink of an eye, you were all well in your second year

with everything that happened, you and bakugou became close

close enough for you to tease him at random times and close enough for him to ask you to fight him as training

by then it was safe to say bakugou knew you

he knew the little quirks you had

he knew your different smiles, your different laughs

he knew your favorite foods and your not so favorite ones

he knew the many different little things that made you you

STAGE III ( contradiction ) ;

before the start of the third year, the class decided to have a little get-together party of sorts

to celebrate the start of their last year in high school and to catch up as everyone’s been busy with internships and whatnot

you spent the break away from tokyo so it’s been a while since you saw the rest of the class

naturally you were excited to be able to meet them all casually again before the intense studying and training that awaited you all

bakugou, on the other hand, wasn’t too excited

frankly, he could do without seeing the class before school

but when he heard you were going to be there, he also agreed to go

so there you two were with the rest of the class at a cinema buying drinks and popcorn before your movie started

the neon lights and the prospect of popcorn lit up your face and bakugou couldn’t help but stare

there was just something, something he couldn’t quite figure out

it’s not that you were beautiful, it’s not that you looked cute in that outfit, it’s not that your smile was making his heart flutter

no it wasnt any of that true though they may be

you just.. you looked nice

thats why he was staring

yeah he hasn’t seen you in a while and you come back looking *nice*

of course he would stare

anyone would

apparently you had noticed him staring though, so you sent a wink and a grin his way before turning back to the popcorn and drinks

in other words, you killed him

with ridiculously high levels of cute and nice

kirishima and sero were just watching the whole thing happen and hell was it obvious to them

their boi was falling hard

now they knew he’d never admit it and they knew you weren’t likely to do anything about his “crush” even if it was obvious to you too

so…

while bakugou was busy helping you carry your popcorn, they devised a rather devious plan

operation: jelly burst

objective? none other than to make explody boiy jealous

for what reason? no reason really it’s just fun to mess with him and this is probably the first time he’s had this big a crush

once everyone finished buying popcorn and was walking into the cinema, operation: jelly burst was put into action

“hey y/n ! come sit next to me” — sero

so you did, nothing strange bout that, sero was a good of yours anyway, nothing strange at all

bakugou moved to come sit next to you too but kiri hurried past him and sat down on your other side before he could

“oh hey bakubro didn’t see ya there sorry”

the seat kirishima stole was the last seat on the aisle

and bakugou was forced to go sit somewhere else

alone

poor guy</3

the seat he found was a few rows above yours though and all went according to the jelly burst plan

by the end of the movie, bakugou was in the foulest mood and no one, except for the 2 lads sitting on either side of y/n, knew why

operation: jelly burst didnt end there though

see they got him jelly but they haven’t gotten him to burst

the next week at school, kirishima and sero both acted really nice to you

it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but they did talk to you just a tad bit more than usual

either way bakugou noticed big time and he did not like it

he did not like it one bit

the jelly was there alright

it was just boiling to unprecedented levels

pretty soon, the boys dumped the idea of operation: jelly burst

mainly cos it was taking too long

but also because bakugou had become at least 10x more hostile

except to you of course

for some reason, a reason absolutely no one could figure out(sarcasm intended), he was just

quiet around you

didnt yell but didnt really talk to you either

whenever anyone else, kiri and sero especially, tried to talk to him though, he’d shout louder and be a lot ruder to them

he’s just agitated

and he knew why he was that way

he’s just in denial about it

he’s also in denial about the reason why

why couldn’t he just accept his feelings and act on it already?

kirishima asked him that one day in the dorms

he saw bakugou staring very intensely straight at you without blinking for a full minute

“look man, don’t even try to tell me you don’t like y/n. it’s obvious and i’m not an idiot. you aren’t either.”

“i know shitty hair. it’s just… i’m me. and she’s y/n. nothing’s ever gonna happen.”

“you don’t know that”

“but i do. cmon, she’s just so fucking perfect even with all her flaws. and i’m just the loud guy with exploding hands and no emotions.”

kiri was surprised honestly

this wouldn’t be the first time bakugou was insecure around him but the way bakugou talked about you and how he implied he wasn’t worthy

damn that hit kirishima

“bakubro, i’m gonna help you”

STAGE IV ( intimacy ) ;

ever since he told kirishima abt what’s been bothering him about you and ever since kirishima declared he’d help, bakugou became more…

quiet

he was still loud, but he just became a soft kind of loud now(?)

it was like he got calmer and he was assured that things would be okay

of course things were not okay

why? because ever since bakugou fully accepted his feelings for you, he doesnt know how to act around you

the other day you asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner cause you were cooking tonight

his answer:

“you”

“umm..”

“-you can make anything you want. i’ll eat whatever.”

that and a lot of other little awkward incidents started occurring

also maybe it was just the weather but he always seemed red whenever you saw him

it wasn’t the weather though

it was him being shy and nervous and flustered

which made bakusquad extremely weirded out cause seeing him like that is like seeing aizawa cheerfully smiling and wearing bright color clothes

it was weird af and was just not right

anyway, mina’s advice to him was to try to get closer to you

“but we’re already close”

“no i mean closer on a personal level. ask her how her day was or ask her random stuff about her likes and dislikes or her hobbies or literally anything”

“oh… ok then”

and so he tried that

he tried getting closer to you by greeting you every morning and sometimes asking you if you slept well

you found it odd

it certainly was odd, but you didn’t mind

if you ask him why he asks about your sleep he just goes red and says he needs to make sure his opponent for his afternoon sparring session is well-rested and healthy

speaking of the sparring sessions…

he asks you to spar more often than usual and actually makes small talk during your breaks

he was also a lot nicer to you, offering to help carry stuff for you and assisting you in the little things

like getting a mug from the kitchen’s high shelves or picking up the pencil you accidentally dropped

what he did worked though and within a few weeks, the two of you got a lot closer

the next step, as mina put it, was “making sure she knew you weren’t interested in her as a friend”

now that was hard for bakugou to do

“it’s not that hard. you could just tell her.”

bakugou: ..??

“basically confess”

bakugou: wha- *shortcircuits*

CONFESSING

he never thought about that

he actually has

he knew in his mind he’d have to do it eventually if he wanted to have you

but he didn’t think it would be *this soon*

“dont think that much and just tell her you like her”

“you’re making it sound easy”

“because it is!”

he groaned internally

he’s faced tons of villains and been in quite the number of fearful situations but the fear he felt now was completely different

“look if you’re afraid of rejection just confess like this”

*sero clears throat*

“*y/n i like you and i would like to be something more than friends. i’m not going to pressure you into anything so if yoh don’t want to we can just pretend this never happened>:)”

“...”

bakugou ended up confessing the next day though

just not like that

it was a spur of a moment thing and he wasn’t really aware he said it until you responded

the two of you were sparring as usual and you had just gotten close enough to knock him down and pin him to the ground

in that moment you were just so beautiful and amazing and everything and he just couldn’t keep it in apparently

“i like you”

“w-what?”

“what?”

“did you just say you liked me?”

“like not liked dumbass”

“:o present tense o:”

well long story short, you like him too and you tell him that and you two just sit there grinning like idiots

from then on things didn’t change much

you and bakugou still talked, although maybe more than usual

and still sparred with each other, although maybe less seriously and more playfully

some were surprised when it became known you were together

some weren’t

whatever other people thought though, they couldn’t deny one thing:

bakugou looked at you as if you were the world

STAGE ∞︎ ( fallen ) .

note ; i started writing this soo long ago but then abandoned it cuz thats just me:”] bUT i decided that since its his birthday i might as well finish it up and finally post it u.u,,, also TYSM @animebsposts for helping me with this ily and ur amazing<3

taglist ; ( send ask to be added ! ) @lilikags

#happy birthday ya big cute bomb boy<3 #bakugou x reader #bnha #www.pink-ink.com/writing #/hcs

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thedevilliers · 4 years ago

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this is less a tutorial and more a semi in-depth explanation on my process while taking screenies. my do’s and don’ts about lightning, angles, text/dialogue, close-ups and other!

as a disclaimer, anyone is free to take their screenies however they want and this is just my personal preference and opinions ♡ everything is under the cut! i did say its LONG so dont say i didnt warn u 😳

i use the nobluv2 and noglo mods by luumia! i recommend them 100000%

1. lightning

with its exceptions, this being i’m in a room with candles/chandelier/anything that doesnt naturally produce a white light OR ambiance reasons, my setting with screenies is with the ‘Neutral White’ color. this is for me, more visually appealing than just bathing your sim in yellow light.

EXAMPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

warmer white:

poor lit:

good <3:

i usually test my lightning before i actually take any screenies so my sim is well-lit but also preventing overexposure bc of the lighting. an example of overexposure is when for example the lighting is SO strong, your sim looks like its ‘shining’

you can see it here on her chest highlights, her arm and her cheeks. i exaggerated it here so its more obvious. fixing overexposure is HARDER than upping the brightness in a poor-lit screenshot. overexposure and makin sims look like they are SHINING is a crime. JAIL

the best light ever tbh. just dont get... to carried away

1.2 outdoor lightning

this is one a bit trickier depending on your location but USUALLY your screenies would look well dark. again, test lightning before actually shooting screenies! i generally look for a lamp posts that have good lightning and shrink them down so if im taking angled shots, it doesnt get in the way. change the color to neutral white and if its too much lightning, just lower the dimmer:

2. just no

just no to all this:

in general, you can ZOOM to the max, and with the scroll-wheel zoom out THREE TIMES. four times we on the edge but its still acceptable. five times and you are goin to JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in general i also recommend having a semi-big room so you can move around without any problems. small rooms DO work but chances are while moving around you’re either going to go outside the room, run into a plant in the shot or into another decor item.

for example, this is a ‘small’ room. while taking photos i have run into the bookshelves for over the shoulder shots like 8000 times. still, doable, but why put myself thru the suffering>?????

2.2 fill the room

nothin sadder than, for example, doing a bedroom scene and there just being...a bed. the game comes with so much clutter and theres also a lot of clutter cc to make rooms seem more ‘lived in’. its also a lot more visually appealing than the room being empty.

3. angles for screenies

my controversial OPINION!!!! i dont care for FULL surroundings shots for more than for a singular panel. THERE I SAID IT!!! usually i show the surroundings/scene setting in ONE panel and then i move on to other angles. again, has exceptions. these being a banquet, party, ball, another sim joins the scene, montages, etc! ANYWHERE that has something happening with multiple people in general.

for example, i don’t see why repeat the same angle with different poses. i can do it for one panel, but for the next ones? there’s the option of over the shoulder shots, detail shots, them looking at each other shots, cinammon tography shots........... more than likely your reader already has an idea of where your characters are so showing it in every single panel is not necessary.

always try and leave a lil breathin room for the heads on top so it isnt all CRAMPED! but this all depends on the pose, if theres a height difference included in said poses and the angle you are taking the screenshot from!

same thing about not just doing...full on surrounding shots for when something is HAPPENING. say, someone is fainting, collapsing...ANYTHIN!! theres so many shot options than just repeating the same angle over and over again. DONT BE SHY!!!! DO VARIETY !!!

we in photography class now. BUT yes keep these in mind ALSO while taking photos so it isnt just the same angle, same distance just different pose. your sim has a nice outfit? showing it once is enough! every panel? ummmm......... your sim is crying? do a medium close up/medium shot and not a full body shot!

3.1 close ups

your close ups and ALL screenies in general, don’t have to be FRONTAL only. they can be right/left side, a lil angled...

waist/chest level is a good level for a close-up sim wise since if you ZOOM in too much WELL

4. text/dialogue

i’d recommend any SANS-SERIF fonts. serif fonts are so hard to read even if nice looking. usually a font-size of over 40px+ works and you can add outside stroke and even drop shadow!

i personally use calibri (bold italic) for my screenies, but other subtitle fonts like arial, myriad pro, helvetica...really any sans-serif ones work.

my stroke settings:

i also wouldn’t recommend putting 4000 word paragraphs in ONE screenie because it’s just visually exhausting. the MAXIMUM i’d do and thats if ABSOLUTELY necessary is FOUR!!!! lines of text. id keep it to three ONLY and thats if your text is the same size as mine. if bigger then two 😳

yes <3:

another no-no for readability is INSIDE stroke or adding bevel/emboss to the text. pick bright, contrasting colors to the background or even clothes your characters are wearing so it’s not hard to read.

something a lil extra i also recommend is if your dialogue has different sentences and one ends and another one starts in the same line, continue it on another line. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE ok lets see:

the “Yes, maybe I went on [...]” continues on the first line, but to make it a bit easier to read just press enter and move it to the second line so it’s on it’s own line.

same thing for the "Be nice or [...]” line! it gets cut off to the third line anyways, so just put it in a singular line. final result:

for me, this is easier to read, less I GUESS ‘immersion breaking’ and easier on the eyes too.

and just other quick things to keep in mind:

will the post be horizontal or vertical? if its vertical, you have to angle and move the camera around keeping in mind you’re going to crop it later. yes, the scenary might be nice if its horizontal, but a lil vertical photo is cute!

best times for OUTDOOR lightning photos are 2pm-4pm. morning light is a bit too dark, 12 pm is the slightest too bright, but 2pm-4pm is just ENOUGH!!!

and thats all : ) i THINK i talked about most things screenies wise??? if you have questions, my askbox is always open : ) and remember these are just my opinions : )

#howto #AGAIN?? yes i again i talked for 5000 words or something #NO IM EXAGGERATING just a lil tho #why this feel like im doing a presentation for uni sdkjfksdjfks

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bimbosupreme · 4 years ago

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mephistopheles love post

the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more

yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people

first off

ok and with that out of the way,

i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust

that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)

So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe

Design tangent:

Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES

appreciate these with me for a second

god.

oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh

they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--

TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.

anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no

Characterization:

True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.

Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles�� just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust

speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy

When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them

so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.

Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable

anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here

mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,

like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there

they have this one line that always gets to me

and this line is said with a completely serious face too

the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity

and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo

so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals

and they fuck with you

and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea

Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles

at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess

of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect

OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...

THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3

i cant believe they drew mephy

twice !

and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003

#mephistopheles #fgo #i just go off on the various things i like about this clown #a whole lot lol #this started bc someone asked about my thoughts on mephistopheles well..

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rreeaahh · 4 years ago

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Arms Tonite | draco malfoy

Arms Tonite - for @vogueweasley ‘s writing challenge (inspired by the song)

pairing: draco malfoy x fem!reader (ravenclaw)

words count: 10k - lyrics in italic

summary; your relationship with draco went from strangers, to lovers, to strangers again - but it broke the barrier between life and death.

warnings: the word “mudblood”; swearing; death eaters; voldemort; death of a character; some fluff; angst; kinda sad; slow burn; blood mention; (that’s all i could think of, please let me know if there are more!)

a/n: im so so so sorry if thats too long, my loves! i got carried away by this idea - i had it in my mind for so so long i used @vogueweasley 's writing challenge as motivation. again, congratulations mere! You're one of the first writers ive followed here, and I'm happy to see your blog growing❤️

“Can I sit there?” you asked softly, embracing the pile of books to your chest. They were all for your Potions’ essay, where you really wanted to excel, only to prove Professor Snape what you were capable of.

Since the first year, Snape turned out to be a walking nightmare for all the students in the entire castle, especially for the ones who hadn’t a green tie around their neck. Being a Ravenclaw, the desire to know more was a normal thing for you: always asking questions and making assumptions only to gain more information made Snape grow a feeling of hatred towards you. He’d externalize that hate by giving you extra work, asking you questions you had no idea to answer, criticizing your skills in front of the class – basically, everything he could do to embarrass yourself and to show your classmates that you weren’t as smart as you wanted to introduce yourself.

“What?” the boy asked in confusion, his fingers squeezing the silver quill he was using to take notes from a booked that seemed to be about Transfiguration – a subject where you were at the top of the class, as Professor McGonagall told you proudly.

“I asked if I could stay here,” you repeated in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb the rest of the people who were struggling with their work. “All the tables are taken and that’s my spot, usually,” you added when he frowned his brows, scanning the room.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said careless, going back to his piece of parchment. “That’s my spot usually, too, but I haven’t seen you here,” he whispered as you sat down, in front of him.

“I don’t think we share classes, so I think we don’t go to the library at the same time. But maybe it could be our spot from now on.” Your explanation made the blonde boy look away, his cheeks running paler while the skin of his neck, revealed by the crack of his unbottoned shirt, seemed to burn.

The silence fell on you two, the room being filled only with whispers and quills running their ink on the papers. You really had to impress Snape with that essay, you had enough of his comments and ugly looks – he was a great teacher, a very skilled person, but he had a horrible way to be human – that if he could be considered a human being. Deep down you feared Snape – his cold eyes, his fluttering cloak and his loud steps: all of that gave you goosebumps all over your body. Thinking of those you felt your breath tangling up in your throat, and the letters started to dance in front of your eyes. At first, you looked around the room, searching for the Weasley twins, but it wasn’t a prank: it was the stress which took control over your mind, playing tricks and messing with you. Your throat was dry, and every time you tried to swallow your saliva it felt like you had sand in your mouth. Your tablemate seemed to notice your discomfort, because he looked at you under his eyelashes, his right brow raising in confusion or annoyance.

“What are you doing?” he asked, now looking at you without any reservation.

“Hm?” you buzzed, making eye contact with him. You couldn’t figure out if he was surprised by your daring glare, or intimidated or amused – he only kept on looking into your eyes, not revealing any true emotion.

“You keep on swallowing and it looks like you’re drowning or something.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled politely, which made him go back to his work. But when you kept on acting like you couldn’t breathe, he dropped his quill on the table and look like you with frustration. “What?”

“You’re distracting me, obviously,” he rolled his eyes. “Some of us are trying to focus, so keep quiet or leave.”

It was very rude of him – in your opinion – to talk to you, a complete stranger, like he could give you orders; especially when you did nothing wrong.

“Me too,” you sighed, “It’s only that…” But you stopped in the middle of the sentence, reminding that you didn’t know who you were talking to, and he probably didn’t care.

“Only what?” he asked, making you look at him again. His face was blank – relaxed, like he was an emotionless metal can.

“I’m not that good with Potions, so I’m struggling a little bit,” you smiled with shame, not knowing exactly why you felt that way admitting you weren’t good at something.

“We all are struggling,” he said like it wasn’t a big deal, pointing to his Transfiguration book. “Some of us on simple things, I see,” he commented after he took a sight at the books you chose and the big title you wrote on the parchment.

“Then maybe we could help each other,” you proposed, smiling at him in a friendly nature. He didn’t seem to understand your idea, given the frowned brows and half eyes that were starring at you. “I’m good at Transfiguration, the best if we’re to follow McGonagall’s words, so I could help you if you help me with my Potions essay.”

He took a moment to think, looking back and forward to your books and his, to your parchments and his – yours were filled with paragraphs and his were decorated with meaningless drawings. “I only need some notes, it’s not fair to do your whole essay in exchange of some stupid phrases,” he said like you were trying to fool him.

You chuckled and leaned back on your chair. “Yeah, nothing’s free,” you smiled, “Ok, then I’ll write your notes and you’ll write me the main ideas – after that I’ll write it on my own.” He stayed thoughtful and quiet, looking at your face; you tried hard not to run your fingers to your cheek, searching for dirt or anything that had him starring. “Deal?” you asked.

He held out his hand in your direction. “Deal,” was his only response, waiting for you to conclude the pact. And you did – you gently shook his hand, the skin of his palm feeling smooth against your own, like he was using lots of lotion every night before going to bed. But it was a nice feeling, which led a wave of warmth all over your body along with a good premonition about how he’d do your homework and him, in general.

The two of you switched your belongings, the only item that wasn’t switch being the quills – he was holding his like it was the biggest treasure he ever had; and maybe it was, you thought. Maybe it had an emotional story and he wanted to keep the quill only because of the memories it hold, but maybe he was only careful with what belonged to him. You never really had anyone to help you with your work – when you were a child your parents encouraged you to keep on trying by yourself in order to succeed, and you grew up avoiding other’s help, only to prove them that you could do it alone. After a while, in your third year of Hogwarts, you wanted to be helped, but it seemed like your older housemates were too busy and the ones your age were looking for you to help them. So, to be in the library on a Friday afternoon, helped by a boy you never crossed paths with before seemed like a new – and somehow exciting – experience. It was nice to write on the parchments which had their edges and corners filled with something that seemed to be flowers or some kind of plant with curled leaves. You often asked him questions about what you should or shouldn’t write, and depending on his answer you’d write down more explicit notes, as he kept on commenting how many useless things you’ve wrote in your essay by far – but he was funny, telling you that you should give Snape the essay the way it is so maybe you all could be lucky and get rid of the sulky teacher sooner than expected.

After some time, they boy looked at the silver watch on his left wrist and put down the quill. “My study time’s over,” he announced and you also put down the writing instrument, handing him the papers you tried to write as eligible as you could. “That’s all?” he asked and scoffed.

“Actually, I have more things to add, but…” You tried to say, but he already began to gather his things, closing the Transfiguration book and folding the parchments. “We could meet tomorrow, or Sunday,” you proposed and also got up when he did. You tried to make eye contact with him one more time, not paying that much attention to the height difference between you two.

“Again?” he spoke, fulfilling your wish. His eyes were mesmerizing – such a light blue, reminding you of a sunny sky.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want – it would be beneficial for both of us to finish what we started.”

And he thought that way too, because the next day he was already in the same spot of the library, all by himself, trying to decipher the entangled letter you wrote the other day. “Maybe Snape doesn’t like you because of your handwriting,” he said when you sat down, making you smile and chuckle – an action that caused him to have a little smile in the corner of his lips, too. And those smiles continued to grow on your faces, because besides the theoretical information you two changed, there were also a little funny comment slipped through the conversation.

“See you tomorrow?” you asked while gathering your things, because that time you were the one who needed to leave earlier.

“I can’t,” he simply said. “I have to study.”

“Isn’t that the reason we met here today?” you laughed, “To study together?”

“No, we met today to finish our deal – which is pretty much done,” he explained in a plain voice, pointing to the pages in your hand. The structure of the essay was done; you only needed to put it all together and his Transfiguration notes were enough for him to understand better the subject.

“Oh,” you said in a whisper. “Yeah, right, thank you…” you smiled to him, whishing that he’d realize that you two never introduced each other properly, but he only returned the smile in a polite way.

“You’re welcome,” was all he said and went back to his book, trying to put head to head the theory you made and the information from the book.

That Saturday you left the library with a strange feeling of loneliness – he was a stranger, but he helped you concentrate and also helped you with something that – maybe – was the most important opportunity for you to shut Snape’s mouth. That day flew by without you even realizing, but at night you found yourself thinking about the boy who tapped his fingers on the wooden surface anytime he’d search for the right words but couldn’t stand a strange breathing near him, and a pair of iced eyes was present in your dreams, doing nothing more than watching you with all the possible emotions mirroring in them.

“How was your weekend by far, Hermione?” you asked the girl only to break the strange silence between you two. She was looking for a specific book, and it happened to bump into her when you came to the library to continue your work.

It was a few hours after lunch, on a sunny Sunday when most of the students preferred to study or to simply hang out in the courtyards, lying on the grass. It wasn’t very weird that you had to deal with all those stares when you went to the library on such a beautiful day. You weren’t a bookworm or a nerd, but it was a special thing and you really wanted to have it all done by the end of Monday at least, so you wouldn’t be loaded with other things.

“It was… acceptable,” she responded and shrugged, going back to look for that book on the selves. “As acceptable as it could be a weekend spend in the company of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley,” she continued and you laughed. She was the brain of that trio, and it might be stressful to be their friend – but you were pretty sure it wasn’t that horrible since she stayed by their side for so long. “What about you?” she returned the question, giving up on her searching as she couldn’t find the right book.

Hermione followed you to your usual table, situated in a corner of the room, where the rays of sun came through the wide window and lighted all the pages. You sat down, leaving aside the parchments for some moments of chatting with your friend. “It was… fun,” you smiled, “I was here two days in a row doing homework.”

Hermione laughed while flipping the pages gently. “And Ronald says I’m the one who needs to sort out her priorities.”

“No,” you rolled your eyes, “It was fun because I had a study buddy. It was really nice,” the explanation made the girl leave her book and watch you with sudden interest. You knew Hermione wasn’t the type who gossip, so her attention was pure curiosity.

“Who?”

“I don’t really know,” you sighed, a little disappointment in your voice as you looked at your fingers, which were unconsciously tapping on the table. “We never made a proper introduction.”

The Gryffindor girl played with the zipper of her hoodie, looking like he was trying to remember all the persons who ever entered that room. “How was he looking?”

Handsome was the first word you wanted to say, as a joke, but a discarded book landed on your table, right on top of your papers and made you looks at the person whose shadow was covering your face.

“What is she doing at our spot?”

“Malfoy,” Hermione growled with hatred, “I don’t think your father bought the tables in the entire library, too,” she said and made the boy look at her with as much venom as a snake could carry.

So he was Malfoy – the mean boy Hermione would mention from time to time, the one who’d always have a harsh word to tell Ron and the one who despised The Chosen One so much. Your timetable never interfered with their, and you’d usually spend your weekends and breaks with some classmates you were friends with, so you never really crossed path with that Malfoy boy. You knew about him, but you didn’t know him – not until then.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Mudblood; learn to speak only when spoken to,” he said in a mockery tone, his eyes going back to you.

You looked at him, and then at Hermione, who seemed to search in you something you couldn’t actually find. “Well?” he repeated, but there was no response from you.

“What does he mean, Y/N? Your spot?” she asked, her voice cracking at the end.

“He’s… my study buddy,” you spoke and Malfoy raised his brow at the appellative, while Hermione froze.

“I’ll leave you with your study buddy, then,” she whispered to you and left, not before taking the book that was thrown on the table by the Slytherin boy.

Your hand was shaking when you grabbed the quill, going back to finish the essay that you started to properly write last night in your dormitory. “Yeah, take my scrap, you filthy Mudblood,” he commented and watched Hermione leave. He then sat down, in front of you, slightly pushing away from him the chair were your friend sat some seconds ago. “Don’t tell me she’s following you around like a little puppy,” he laughed and you looked at him in confusion.

“She’s my friend,” you simply said.

The confusion was now on Malfoy’s face. “Friend?” he scoffed.

“Don’t you have friends?”

“Plenty,” he responded quickly. “But my friends have my back when I’m in an argument.”

You shrugged and looked down again to your essay. “I’m a neutral person, I’m not picking sides,” you explained. He watched you write without any other interruption, but you were feeling weird to be aware of his presence in your perimeter and being as talkative as a fish. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you wrote your name at the bottom of the last paper. He quickly grabbed them all, smiling at your expression.

“I made some free time to come and read our final product.” He went back to be silent, his blue eyes running from left to right in order to read all the things you wrote more calligraphic, only thinking about his comment and about the nice letters he used to make the summary yesterday. “It’s good,” he said proudly, like it was his own.

“Really?” you asked shyly, not ready to have a criticism on that yet.

“Yes, I see you kept some of my phraseology,” he smiled in a kind way, returning the parchments to you.

“It was really well structured,” you laughed and ran a hand through your hair, blushing when you saw him starring intensely at your face – you really wanted to ask him if there was something on your face.

“It’s perfect, Y/N,” he repeated, “Snape can’t say otherwise. It’s nearly as good as mine are,” he assured you. His response made you laugh loudly, gaining some hissing from Madam Pince; your hands went to your mouth, covering it, and the boy looked at you with amusement.

“Thank you, Malfoy,” you whispered, scared to talk even in a quiet way. You knew how much the librarian hated the loud students, and you really didn’t want to be one of them. To be on her blacklist was something no one really wanted.

“Call me Draco,” he asked and got up. “I have to go, but I’m sure your work will be appreciated tomorrow.”

“It’s for Friday, actually.”

“So you had a week to do it, but you did it right away?” he laughed this time, but he seemed careless at Madam’s Pince hiss.

“What?” you pouted, already annoyed by his laugh. You knew what he was going to say, and it made you somehow ashamed.

“Nothing,” he said to your surprise, “It’s just that… I’ve never seen somebody to be that ambitious when it comes about school.”

“So you don’t make fun of me,” you thought out loud, making him chuckle again.

“Why would I make fun of you for being a determined person?” he asked and you returned his smile, more shyly, and waved him goodbye as you saw him walking away.

It was the last moment when you saw Draco Malfoy – Monday morning you looked for him in the Great Hall at breakfast, lunch, dinner and even after classes – but due to the large amount of students, he was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t put a foot in the library, because you stayed there awhile, doing your homework or reading – more like pretending to do any of those – but he never came. It was like he was swallowed by a big black hole and forgotten by all the people in Hogwarts. Nobody near you mentioned his name, and you didn’t dare to ask Hermione about him after the ‘study buddy’ situation. She said it was all fine between you two, because she knew about your neutral personality. It was simple: you never got into fights yourself or got involved when other people would argue – it was simple that way. You asked her if she was alright after Draco said all those things to her, of course, but when she told you it was alright you didn’t insisted more.

Friday came faster than you had thought and you were quite nervous to hand Snape your essay. All your classmates wished you good luck, even if they were in the exact same situation as you were – not quite the same, actually, because you were the only one asked to stay over class so the Potions Master could have a word with you.

“You wanted to talk to me, Professor?” you asked when the rest of the students left you all alone with Snape, who sat in the front of the class, hands crossed over his chest and a frowned look on his face.

“Obvious,” he spoke in his monotone voice, coming closer to your desk. “What is this, Miss L/N?” he asked, throwing in front of you the essay, all the pages spreading on the table.

“My essay, Sir,” you told him confident, already preparing your speech about how hard you worked on it and how he couldn’t say it was a piece of trash.

“Your essay?” he asked serious, and then he faked a laugh. “I think you mean Mister’s Malfoy essay,” he then handed you another parchment, with Draco’s name on it, neatly written.

You read a few phrases from his work, but there was nothing alike between them aside some expressions – the ones Draco observed you kept from his notes. “I didn’t steal his work, Sir,” you said in a quiet voice, not daring to look him in the eyes. You didn’t need to do that to know how mad he was.

“You didn’t steal it, you copied it.”

“No, I…” but he already made up his mind. He asked you to leave, informing you that you’d get more work to do, along with a week of detention.

Your blood was boiling and you only wanted to scream how much you hated everything: how much you hated Snape, for being a prick, how much you hated yourself, for not being able to do your own homework alone and how much you hated Draco, for ‘helping’ you and then disappearing – but he didn’t disappear, because he was in the end of the corridor, all by himself, his hands on his trousers’ pockets, standing in an elegant posture leaning on the wall. The dark always present on the Dungeons made him look paler that he seemed in the library’s sunrays, but the blue of his eyes was still remembering you of the clear sky in the moment he heard your steps.

“Y/N,” he greeted you from afar, a little smile growing on the corner of his lips. “How was…” but you didn’t give him the occasion to finish his sentence, leaving the dark corridor in a hurry.

It was odd that after a week of thinking only about him, about the blue of his eyes, about the way his voice would seem lighter when he was holding back his laugh, about the cute way he’d smile only a half of joy, you ran away from his presence like he was your worst nightmare when, in fact, he was present in your sweetest dreams.

It was your desire to be alone the one which made you isolate yourself in your room for some good hours, crying and hitting the pillows, throwing them in the walls and then gathering them, only to throw them again. You felt the way Snape’d describe your skills, work or everything you did: trash – you felt like trash. You thought about going to dinner with your housemates when you heard them leaving the Common Room, but you realized that Snape’s face, eating at the teachers’ table would’ve turned your stomach upside down. So you stayed there for another hour, thinking about everything and nothing in particular; you just knew that you were sick of it, sick of everything and you just needed a break.

And that’s what you did: you took a break. You left the dormitory only undressing yourself from the blue robes and went running on the empty corridors. When you left, you weren’t sure where you’d go – but you found yourself in the Astronomy Tower, watching the entire yard and the environs of the castle. The sky was painted in pastel colors, the sun bathing in the red color of the lake. It was beautiful and you wanted nothing than to be the same with all of it.

“I hate it all!” you screamed looking up to the sky, closing your eyes. “I hate Severus Snape!” you screamed again, opening your eyes and looking down. It was a long, long way to the bottom, where the cobbled paths would wait. “I hate that he managed to make me feel so useless,” now you whispered, tightening the metal balustrade between your palm until they became white. You shook the metal as hard as you could, but it stood still; the effort left you breathless, but you still managed to scream from the bottom of your lungs: “I hate myself!”

You had no idea where that came from – it was the first time you thought that way about you, but it felt very honest. You hated how much pressure you’ve put on your shoulders and now that you were too weak to carry it all, you felt worthless. The only thing you knew was that you were crying, so hard that your sobs didn’t let you hear the steps approaching you in such a hurry. The force of the hand that grabbed your elbow was unexpected, making you stumble on your own legs. The warm feeling immediately invaded your whole body as soon as you fell in a pair of arms, which were holding you hard enough not to fall to the ground.

“What the hell were you doing, Y/N?!” he screamed, the image of his face being blurred because of the tears in your eyes. You blinked a few times and there he was: Draco Malfoy, with a worried look on his face but with the same beautiful blue eyes.

“Draco…” you whispered and grabbed the material of his white shirt, “What are you doing here?” you managed to ask without your voice cracking.

“You didn’t come to dinner, and after the way you walk away from earlier…” he said and became paler, “But what were you doing? Don’t tell me you tried to…”

But you shook your head in negation faster than the words he said. “No, of course not,” you said trying to convince yourself more than him. “I was just… having a moment,” you explained and withdrew from his arms, hugging yourself to calm down.

“What happened, Y/N?” he asked again and touched your shoulders, his hands burning the skin under your uniform shirt.

“Snape said I copied your essay,” you succeed to whisper after a long silence, the tears coming back into your eyes.

His brows went lower, his mouth in a line. “Have you told him that I helped you?”

“No,” you said, now crying again. He wiped away a tear that rolled on your cheek. “He told me to leave before I could say anything, and now I have detention a whole week.”

“Sh, sh, sh,” he hummed as he pulled you back into his arms, one of his hands laying on your back as the other one was caressing your hair. “You don’t need to cry,” he spoke gently and his movements became clumsy as you cried even harder. “I’ll take care of it, Y/N,” he assured you and suddenly, your tears dried up.

“What?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“I… I’ll talk to Snape about it,” he repeated, “It’s not fair to act that way towards you when your essay was so good.”

All the parts of your body were screaming to kiss him only because he was that near to you. But you were too puzzled up to even hear those screams in your head. “You’ll get in trouble too, Draco.”

“No,” he smiled. “Let’s say that Snape owns my father one,” he smiled devilish, and contrary his expectations you smiled like you haven’t been crying until then.

“But why are you doing that?” you laughed and tried not to freak out because he was still holding you.

“So you could own me one later,” he continued to smile even after you hit them slightly in chest. “What? Nothing’s free, remember?”

You bit your cheek, trying to hold back a smile. “Yeah, sure.”

“So we have a deal?”

“No,” you said and raised a brow. “We have a deal only if you don’t get yourself in trouble by talking to Snape or, even worst, getting me into a bigger mess. You need to succeed in order to have a deal.”

“That sounds like a deal to me,” he smirked and ran a hand through his blonde hair, which seemed more like gray in the light given by the moon.

“We have a deal, then,” you laughed and tighten up a bit the grip on his shirt.

“Don’t ever stay that close to the edge again,” he asked you and you could see the same feeling of anxiety on his face. You nodded your head in agreement and he hugged you again. “You scared the shit out of me,” he confessed.

It was the first time in your life when you felt that somebody was truly worried about you. Your parents would’ve just watch you break down and then get up and try again, telling you that it’s the normal way to educate yourself. But that night, in his arms, you felt that you weren’t the same lonely child. It was a warm feeling, a feeling of a new burning in your heart. And it was a nice feeling.

I fell in your arms tonight / I fell hard in your arms tonight / It was nice

You agreed to meet Draco the next day in the Astronomy Tower half an hour before the dinner would finish and you were surprised to see him already there, welcoming you with the same somehow evil smirk he had the other day.

“You own me one,” he said without even waiting for you to say something. “Snape told me he’ll forget about the detention, but you need to make some rephrasing on your essay.” He was proud of his manipulative skills and you could see it in his eyes – there was a little sparkle as you approached him.

“Good job, Draco,” you said smiling from an ear to the other. “I guess I own you one.”

“Yes, yes you do.”

You look over the skyline and went closer to the balustrade, Draco following you closely even after you sat down on the stone floor, your legs hanging on the outside. You seemed to be secure enough, so Draco sat down and looked at the sunset as well.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did,” he puffed and you punched his shoulder, smiling.

“You’re an idiot, you know what I mean.”

“Why am I an idiot?” he asked and turned to face you with an ugly look.

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” you told him quickly. “I call my friends that way when they say something dumb but they’re funny at the same time,” you explained, ashamed that you offended him.

He was silent for a moment and looked at the lake again. “My father uses that term to talk about incompetent people,” he said and you looked away from his face.

“I guess it’s a way to use it, too,” you spoke shy.

“Why do you want to ask me?” he changed the subject, removing the awkward tension between you two.

“Why did you called Hermione Granger that word?” you asked cautious not to upset him with your curiosity.

“That’s what she is,” he said nonchalantly, “She’s a Mudblood, and she is inferior to us.”

“Only because of her blood?” you laughed. “And how do you know I’m not inferior to you too?”

“I made my research on you before talking to you again,” he shrugged.

“She’s superior to both of us in many ways, Draco,” you told him and looked at him in the moment he did the same. “She lives in another world at the same time she lives in this one,” you explained, “We were born surrounded by magic and that’s our only way of living.”

He lour. “Why do you say that?”

“I take the Muggle Studies class,” you smiled proudly.

“Why would you do that?” he scoffed. If you ignored his mentality on that subject, you could say he was really cute.

“It’s interesting,” you started. “They have many objects we have no idea about and they have fairy tales about anything – they’re kind of superstitious.”

“Superstitious?” he asked like he was curious and not like he wanted to mock you.

“Yeah,” you said and got up. “Maybe I’ll tell you about some superstitions one day.”

“Tomorrow night,” he asked you and got up as well.

“You want to know more about Muggles?” you laughed.

He shrugged. “It’s your chance to prove me they’re not inferior to us.”

“Ok,” you smiled and took the challenge.

You left the Tower walking by his side, and your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he walked you to your Common Room door, wishing you a goodnight. The next day Professor Snape wanted to talk to you again after class, this time apologizing for the way he managed the situation, but you could tell he wasn’t very pleased with what he was saying. When the dinner was nearly finished, you could see Draco leaving the Great Hall without looking in your direction and you knew it was the signal to get up and do the same thing after some minutes. You thought it’d be better if nobody would know where you were going and with who.

“Ready to learn about Muggles?” you asked him with joy as soon as you got in the highest place in Hogwarts.

“Whatever,” he laughed and rolled his eyes.

You brought a book you got last year on your birthday from Hermione, a book about a lot of things the Muggles believe in. You read out loud some pages and Draco only sat next to you, listening. It was somehow therapeutic to read in front of him because he didn’t disturb you, he even looked like he was enjoying it.

“So they even have a specific flower for when somebody dies?” he asked out of a sudden. He was really paying attention.

“Yeah, in some countries,” you smiled. “In Italy, France or Belgium – where it’s made the best chocolate – the white chrysanthemum is well known to be brought at somebody’s funeral. But they also represent loyalty and devoted love, so I think it makes it even more beautiful. They’re my favorites,” you smiled.

“A flower that represents the death is your favorite?” he laughed, making you roll your eyes. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ve never seen a chrysanthemum, and that’s something, considering the fact that my mother has a gigantic garden.”

He was often talking about his mother and you deducted that he’s a mummy boy – it was cute to know that he loved his mother dearly.

“I would love to see it,” you smiled politely.

“Maybe you will,” he said and caught you by surprise. “I mean, maybe you’ll see a garden as big as my mother’s,” he clarified when he observed those big eyes of yours.

“Yeah,” you said in a quiet voice, looking back into your book.

“What?” he asked and you didn’t respond him.

You were… sad? Disappointed? It was a strange and groundless feeling given by the idea that you’ll never see the garden of his house, and that also meant that you’ll never meet his mother, who was already painted in your mind like an elegant and kind woman.

“Are you upset?” he asked again and grabbed your jaw carefully, making you form eye contact.

“No,” you said simply, and the honesty in your voice surprised you. It was like all the hard feelings were erased by his eyes, by their calming color.

“Good,” he smiled, “Because you shouldn’t be upset.”

“Why?” you asked.

“I’ll bring you all the flowers from my mother’s garden if you’re not upset,” he traced his fingers up to your cheek, placing a strand of hair behind your red ear – all your emotions ran to your head, making the skin he touched burn.

“Why?” you asked again like a curious kid.

He rolled his eyes in a playful way, trying to pretend he was tired of your whys. “Because a pretty face like yours shouldn’t frown. You’ll get wrinkles,” he laughed and pinched your nose.

“Auch,” you hissed, massaging the end of your nose. “You say I’m pretty?”

“I say it’s time to get you back to your Common Room,” he nodded his head and got up, offering you his hand to help you get up.

The walk to the Ravenclaw’s door was silent, and when you got there it was an even more annoying silence. He only watched you like he was waiting for your next move.

“Uh, I can’t come tomorrow night,” you informed him. “I have to help my roommate study for Transfiguration.”

“So she’s stealing my study buddy,” he joked.

“I’ll see you around, though?”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiled and you just wanted to kiss that little dimple of his.

So you did – you got up to your toes and kissed his cheek. “Good night, Draco,” you smiled and entered the empty room, all your housemates already being off to their dormitories, probably. Your heart was pouting hard, like it was trying to escape the little cage of your ribs, but your soul was feeling warm and sweet, like honey.

The next day you tried to focus in all your classes, you tried to pay attention to your friends but all you could think of was Draco Malfoy, with his blue eyes and sweet dimple. It was a boring night the one you spent in your room, listening and explaining to your roommate simple things about your Transfiguration class, the same ones that Draco found difficult – even that made you think about him. It was a great relief to walk again on the stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, the excitement making your heart jump with joy. It dropped to the bottom of your soul when you didn’t find him there, and it broke when he didn’t come at all.

Maybe you scared him – maybe he didn’t want you to kiss his cheek, maybe he didn’t want you so close to him. Maybe you screwed it up. And you really believed that when he didn’t come two nights in a row, making you to skip dinner on the third night. You didn’t have the power to cry again, but you really wanted to – you nearly managed to get a tear out of you if it wouldn’t be eagle owl which entered your room through the open window.

“What’s up with you, stupid bird?” you asked in anger, making the owl give you a response in the same tonality. “Easy,” you spoke as you took the little parchment from its claw.

‘You didn’t come to dinner, are you sick? If you are, take a good sleep and get better. — D.M'

You crumbled the little letter and thrown it away telling the bird to leave you alone. You walked from left to right, biting your nails out of anxiety and anger – who was he to ignore you three days and then ask to meet you? You grabbed the letter from the floor and read it again, and the curiosity won against your anger. You grabbed a blue sweater and ran to the Astronomy Tower, but walked the steps so he wouldn’t know the speed with which you came. You were furious at him – you couldn’t wait to scream at him and tell him to fuck off with his unhealthy behaviors, but when you saw him leaning on the stone wall in front of you with a bouquet of white flowers in his hand and a small box on the other one, you just froze on the last step.

“Hello, Y/N,” he greeted you with a smile on the corner of his lips. You approached him slowly; your eyes going from his face go his hands and back to his hands. “I see you’re not sick,” he said when you were in front of him. “Why haven’t you come to dinner?”

“Why didn’t you give me a sign of living?” you asked straight, searching for his eyes.

“I was… busy,” he said and cleared his throat. “But I asked my mother to get me those,” he smiled and handed you the bouquet of chrysanthemums and the little box. “Open it,” he asked impatient.

You undone the little bow and opened it with one hand, the other holding carefully the flowers. Your hands were shaking. “Chocolate,” you laughed nervous.

“From Belgium, just like the flowers,” he said proud, smiling. “Don’t you like them?” he asked a little panicked when you didn’t say a thing, only watching the flowers in such an examining way.

“I love them!” you said, “I love them, Draco,” you assured them, holding them to your chest like you were scared he’d get them back.

“Good, I hoped you’d say that.”

You smelt them, and your whole soul was dancing – the sweet smell reminded you of the late autumn’s rains, of the lazy sunrays and all the nice skies in the world.

“I love them Draco, but what’s the occasion?”

He massaged the back of his head, avoiding your eyes. “You don’t need a reason to get flowers, Y/N. You deserve them anytime,” he said and your heart exploded at his cuteness. “My mother told me it’d be nice if I would give them to you before anything else,” he said and bite his lower lip immediately after, like he said something he didn’t mean to.

“Before what, Draco?” you asked curious. He was so good at making you all set on fire, unfocused and yet so, so concentrated on him.

“You’re a nice girl, Y/N, really nice,” he said in a quiet voice. His tonality made you thought about a break-up – like he wanted to break the bond that began to form between you two.

“What are you trying to tell me, Draco?” you asked in a harsh tone. “Just say it, ok? You don’t need to bring me flowers and chocolate if you want to say goodbye, it’s not like I’m dying,” you said pointing to the chrysanthemums.

“No, no, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “The white chrysanthemums represent loyalty and devoted love,” he whispered.

“Oh,” was all you could say. “Oh,” you repeated when you figured out what he really meant.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, and you laughed along with him. The sound of his laugh made your heart put itself back together. “So…” he started and came closer to you.

“So?” you said, biting your lips and blinking slowly.

“So may I kiss you, Y/N?” he asked in such a kind voice, all your body going soft at his words. His mother must’ve taught him how to talk to a girl – and she did such a good job.

You nodded shyly and let yourself carried by his hands, which dragged your body closer to his. He gently pressed his lips on your, letting them stay together for a couple of seconds and then retiring. His blue eyes were looking into yours, burning with desire and impatience. Your hands tightened the flowers and the little box harder, and you put them around his neck, getting him even closer to you and smashing your lips back together. His hands were on your waist, grabbing the material of your sweater between his fingers. Your eyes were closed and your body was filled with warmth – you saw nothing and yet, somehow, you were aware of everything in the Universe through a white light.

White light in your arms tonight / I lost sight in your arms tonight / It was nice

The next months were full of love and laughs for you – Draco was the most careful boy you’ve ever been with. He still wanted you two to have secret little dates in the Astronomy Tower, where you’d read to him about Muggles and poetry written by them.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute that I listen to you reading about that non-sense?” he asked once.

“It’s poetry, Draco,” you scoffed, “It’s about love!”

Besides the secret dates, he really wanted to go public. He was the type to show you off in front of everyone, only to make sure that every other boys knew that you were off their league but in a kind way – he’d kiss your forehead on the hallways, walk you to classes even if that meant he’d be late to his and gave you endless gifts. You received a lot of chrysanthemums, love letters and sweets anytime his mother would send him a package. Your roommates were jealous of you even if they told you directly that they didn’t like Draco and there was nothing to do about it. Hermione wasn’t so happy either and somehow distanced herself from you when she found out about your relationship, but Draco made you to forget all those things – he was the bad guy in everyone’s story, and even if some time ago he wasn’t even a side-character in yours, he became the climax of your story. You didn’t love Draco for his gift, you loved him truly – you loved him for the kind words, the warm glares, the sweet kisses and the tight hugs. And you knew he loved you too, because he made you feel safe in the whole madness with the Dark Lord and the war everyone was talking about.

“Do you think there’ll be a war, Draco?” you asked one night when you two where curled up into each other’s arms.

“I don’t know, Y/N,” he said absent.

“I heard that Harry’s forming an army,” you said and looked up to him, only to see him rolling his eyes.

“Potter isn’t capable to tie his own laces, my love, and you think he’s able to lead an army?” he laughed and that made you roll your eyes. “You’re funny.”

“But you’re the only one taking it as a joke, you’re the one who’s laughing,” you said and he frowned.

“Then I think I have to change that,” he said and his fingers came to your ribs, tickling you.

You started to laugh hard, to fight so you could escape his torture, begging him to stop. “Draco, that’s enough!” you screamed as you felt tears in your eyes, so you grabbed his arm and tried to scratch him playfully to make him stop.

Hissing, he let you go and pulled away from you, his hand over the left arm.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you asked worried that you hurt him.

“Nothing,” he said in an annoyed voice, getting up on his feet and looking down to you. “I’m fine,” he said and something in your mind clicked. For more than two weeks he’d say that stupid phrase whenever you asked him what happened – he seemed tired and anxious, but whenever you’d ask about him he’d become fine.

“Don’t try to fool me, Draco,” you said annoyed as well and, already on your feet, you’d try to grab his hand and reveal the possible wound.

“I said I’m fine, Y/N,” he repeated and avoided your hands like they’d burn him.

“And I said to stop fooling me!” you shouted and sneaked close enough to him to get his hand away from his arm, but he pushed you harder than he thought – you fell on the ground, a piece of material in your hand; his sleeve – ripped, revealing red lines, scratches – who were older, but reopened by your nails – which were covering the worst thing you could think of: the Dark Mark. The air left your lungs and your head started to spin, the vision becoming blurred.

“Y/N…” he tried to say, coming closer to you but you crawled away.

“What the fuck, Draco?!” you screamed and got up by yourself. “Stay away!” you said when he tried to approach you.

“I can explain, Y/N,” he said, his voice shaking.

“How on earth you could explain the Dark Mark on your arm?” you shouted again, your hands running in your hair and pulling it.

“Sh,” he said loud, asking you to be quiet. “It’s not what it looks like, my love, I swear.”

You laughed – loud, nervous. “Then what it is?”

“They made me do it, Y/N!”

“They made you get the Dark Mark, become a fucking Death Eater and join Voldemort?” you screamed again and step back when he tried to come closer.

“My father, he… I didn’t want to, Y/N,” he said quietly, his eyes starting to get wet.

“You lied to me, Draco,” you whispered. “You said everything will be fine, you said you’ll protect me!”

“And I will!” he also screamed. “I will,” he repeated breathing heavily.

“How? Making me join the Death Eaters so they wouldn’t kill me later?” you mocked him, and you could say it hurt him to see you that way – but you didn’t care.

“Nobody will kill you, Y/N,” he said, trying to calm you. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”

“A war is coming, Draco,” you said harshly, “The Dark Lord is alive and back and anyone who’s against him is in danger.”

“You’re not in danger, Y/N,” he repeated. “We’re in this together, please, love,” he begged you, tears running down his face.

“We’re not on the same side, Draco,” you whispered.

“I thought you didn’t like to pick sides,” he said like he was trying to make you change your mind.

“We’re talking about a war, Draco, not a fucking fight in the courtyard,” you said and shook your head. “Just… leave me alone, please,” you asked him and started to walk away.

“Y/N, please!” he grabbed your wrist but you pulled away immediately.

“Don’t touch me ever again, Draco Malfoy,” you said in hatred, giving him a disgusted look before leaving him alone in the Astronomy Tower – alone, hurt and crying. He saw the disgust in your eyes, the hate and the fear.

Hard times came for you – you decided to act like nothing was happening, like you had no idea what Draco was and a part of you felt miserable for doing so, but other part was believing him, the other part was still loving him and it was hurting to see him and not run in his arms. You decided to let the time pass and decide what would happen with everything – but the time was cruel, because nothing good happened since that night. Dumbledore’s death, the Death Eaters, the continuing agony. You became scared to stay alone, thinking that a Death Eater or even Voldemort would show up and kill you – and Draco wouldn’t be there to protect you.

But when the real battle began, you felt all the adrenaline rushing through your body – Professor McGonagall seemed worried but she gave you the power to fight back, to fight for Hogwarts, for your friends, for Harry, for life. You never tried to spell hexes because it wasn’t necessary, but in the battles you had with some Death Eaters you remembered them all – and you casted them loud, pointing your wand in their direction with hatred. You were running on the same old stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, a loud and crazy laugh following you along with a curly hair and dark, mad eyes, thirsty for blood.

“Stop running, little doll!” she screamed when you got up, waiting for her with your wand ready, something that made her laugh. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” she asked and walked closer to you with tangled steps.

“Crazy one, aren’t you?” you managed to gather your nerve to ask her. She didn’t seem too happy with your comment, because she lifted her wand – before she’d say anything, you screamed the Disarming Charm as loud as you could, making her wand fly from her hand and fall to the ground.

“Well, well,” she laughed, running her tongue over her bloody lips. “You won, now kill me!” she laughed, the sound driving you crazy.

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

“Kill me!”

“Crucio!” you screamed and the green light flashed from the tip of your wand, hitting Bellatrix Lestrange in the middle of her chest. She fell to the ground, laughing – it was hurting, but Bellatrix have been insane for a long, long time.

“Y/N!”

“Draco?” you said to yourself, watching the boy you loved running to you. He grabbed your shoulders, looking at you from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you alright? Did she hurt you?”

You looked at Bellatrix who was still to the ground, and you tighten your fingers around the wand.

“No,” you said and looked back to Draco. He seemed fine and a part of you wanted to scream that he was fine because he was one of them, they wouldn’t hurt him like that crazy woman tried to do to you, but the other part won that battle. You hugged him tight, wanting to make all the things disappear and be just you and him. “I’m scared, Draco,” you whispered.

“You’ll be fine, love,” he said and kissed your temple.

“So she’s the little doll that got you all soft, Draco?”

The fear ran through your body again and you pulled away from Draco, still holding his hands.

“Please,” he said and looked at the crazy woman who got her wand back. He let go of your hand and grabbed his wand, pointing it to her.

“Aw, Draco darling,” she laughed, “Does Cissy know that you’re pointing your want to your family?”Family?

“Aunt Bella, please, don’t hurt her,” Draco breathed heavily, not taking his eyes off of her.

“But she hurt me, Draco,” Bellatrix laughed, got her wand in your direction and casted an unspoken spell, only saying your name.

Draco tried to protect you, getting in front of you, but the purple light went through him and entered your body. The pain was indescribable, like all your internal organs were stabbed with hundred of knives. “No!” he screamed at his aunt, who only laughed louder and waved him goodbye before disappearing into a black cloud of smoke.

You’d feel your members go numb, dropping your wand and falling to the ground, making Draco to scream again like he could physically feel your agony. “Y/N!” he screamed.

Some balls of light were thrown in the tower’s direction, by the people outside, and they made the windows in the roof break, falling upon you along with pieces of tiles. Your sight went blurry, seeing Draco through red spots. “What’s happening, Draco?” you managed to ask him.

“You’re fine, my love,” he cried, tightening your shoulders, trying to hug you without hurting you.

“I can’t see you, hear you,” you cried and coughed; he started to sob even harder, watching the blood drop from your eyes and mouth as you tried to breathe. “I don’t feel very good,” you told him as it weren’t obvious.

“You’ll be alright, my love, stay with me,” he begged you.

His tears were falling on your face, mixing with the blood that was leaving your body – Bellatrix Lestrange chose a curse that gave you a slow and painful death.

“Hey, you,” you said, trying to make him pay attention to you. You looked him in the eyes, trying hard to see them clear. “Don’t you think it’s kinda cute?”

“What?” he whispered.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute,” you repeated, “That I died right inside your arms tonight?”

“No! No! No!” he said, his voice shaking. “Don’t you dare to do this to me, Y/N! Do you hear me? Stay with me!”

But you were gone – you left that world with a little smile on your lips, with bloody tears on your face and with the memory of his eyes watching you, of his arms holding you. And that made death a less painful thing for you.

That I'm fine even after I have died / Because it was in your arms I died

“No, Y/N!” he screamed, realizing you were gone. “Come back! Come back, Y/N, you own me one!”

“I’m sorry, Draco,” you whispered while watching him from behind – you could also see your lifeless body, laying on the ground with glass pieces, rocks and blood all over it and it made you cry. You floated over your body and tried the stupidest thing you could think of: going back inside. But it was impossible – it felt like it was locked. Bloody tears were falling from your eyes, and you damned Bellatrix Lestrange for giving you such an ugly death: you’ll cry blood for eternity on the Hogwarts’ halls as a ghost. “I want to come back, Draco!” you screamed at the same time when he asked you to come back.

I cry in the afterlife / I cry hard because I have died / And you're alive / I try to escape the afterlife / I try hard to get back inside / Your arms tonight

The battle was over: Lord Voldemort was now dead, Bellatrix Lestrange was dead along with other Death Eaters, but so were a lot of innocent people: now, some students would stay forever in the castle because they chose to remain behind; they, just like you, were too scared of death and chose an imitation of life. As a ghost, you didn’t really felt like showing to everyone; it hurt you enough to know they missed you, and to see their broken souls when they’d realize you’re trapped in this world as a ghost would be more painful than your death. You knew nothing about Draco for a long time – you stayed in the tower all the time, and you already knew that after some years, when the school would be rebuilt, the little kids would call you the ghost of the Astronomy Tower – that thought made you smile; maybe they’d call you Bloody Y/N, or Bloody Crybaby Y/N, or… whatever name would fit a blood-crying ghost. That’s how you spent many months – thinking, crying, whishing you’d have chose the death.

A loud cry woke you up one day – you looked over to the balustrade, where a tall figure was shaking while looking down, down all the way to the ground. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said and you recognized him easily. “I’m so fucking sorry, my love,” he cried again and you approached him. On the ground, at his feet, was a bouquet of white chrysanthemums – they made your eyes tear up immediately.

“I promised you I’d protect you and I failed,” he whispered. “I hate myself since that day, my love,” he confessed.

To let him know about your presence was a bad idea – he’d be devastated to see you that way.

“I’ll see you soon, love,” he spoke to himself, or so he thought because he jumped in surprise when you screamed.

“Wait!”

“Y/N…” he cried, now facing you and crying harder. “You’re… alive?”

“Draco…” you sighed, “What are you doing here?”

He came closer and tried to hug you, but his arms went through you with ease. “You’re… a ghost.”

“Please don’t jump,” you said crying harder than him. It was a horrible image, indeed, to see a blood-crying ghost – but he was in love with you.

“I miss you, Y/N, I want to be with you,” he told you like he asked for permission.

But you shook your head in disapproval. “You won’t like it here, darling,” you smiled. “Please, stay – be happy and live.”

“I love you, Y/N, how could I live without you?” he cried like a little child, helpless.

You pointed to the flowers. “If your love is devoted, you’d spend the rest of your life fulfilling my wish, Draco.”

“Y/N…”

“Stay alive, Draco. I’ll be here, always,” you promised and cried.

He ran his hands through his hair, his blue eyes crying you a river. When he calmed down, he bent over and grabbed the flowers, handing them to you. You cried in pain, but still tried to get them – and you where surprised when you could.

“Come back to me, Y/N,” he said and you tried your best to make his wish come true. You tried to hug him, to kiss his forehead – he could swear he felt your cold skin on his.

“I wish I could, my love,” you said and stayed in front of him, with the sign of his devoted love in your hand.

And hey (hey), you (you), don't you think it's kinda cute / That I (I) try (try) to escape the afterlife / That I (I) try (try) to get back in your arms alive / That I died in your arms

#vogueweasley3k #draco malfoy x reader #ravenclaw reader #draco x y/n #slowburn #angst #arms tonite #draco x you #hogwarts #astronomy tower #tw death #tw blood #tw mature languge

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sassycherryblossomdetective · 4 years ago

Text

Evidence holds us together

Hello! I hope your well !

I’m a massive fan of silent witness and a massive fan of Jack Hodgson. I mean come one how can you not love him XD Like many people, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands so I got bored and just started writing :)

I present to you a Jack Hodson x OC fanfic.

This is all a little fun, so if you read enjoy ~

Chapter 1

**********************************************************************************************

Snipers Nest

Part 1

Late nights and wine were both a blessing and a curse.

Especially when work calls you in early.

From yesterdays conversation with Thomas, Amelia had noticed that he was becoming rather agitated with the idea that she had not finished compiling the evidence for the independent enquiry the Lyell was helping with.

Of course she had nearly finished it. The key word, nearly. She would get it done. She had about three days to get it done …

Why sacrifice an episode of Netflix and a glass of wine in the process?

For some unknown reason her one hour Netflix binge ended up being four and her glass of wine mysteriously became two. Luckily, the idea of letting her team down had pushed her to go to bed. She had decided to be extra vigilant and work a lot harder today, in the end they were depending on her.

The brunette pushed herself from the table she was leaning against and removed her gaze from the half full bottle of wine, she could do this! Time to get to work!

She knew that getting up earlier would have solved her problem yet quite frankly at this point she was in no mood to admit it. The idea of going to bed seemed so much more appealing.

After a little bit of breakfast, which in reality was a couple of biscuits. Amelia jumped in her car and headed to the Lyell. The drive from her house would take about half an hour or so. She dreaded the idea of getting stuck in traffic as she had promised herself she would grab a coffee on the way.

While pulling out of a junction, her phone rang. She sighed. Clicking the Bluetooth button on her wheel she answered.

“Hello Amelia Rowell speaking” She gave her normal professional greeting as she hadn’t been able to look at the caller I.D.

“Well good morning sunshine, had your morning coffee yet?” A cheeky voice spoke from the other end of the line.

Amelia rolled her eyes and suppressed a laugh.

“Jack, its a little early to receive a phone call from you? Don’t tell me you got bored looking at yourself in the mirror?” She bit her lip as she turned a corner. Hopefully that didn’t come across too harsh. Jack let out a scoff.

“Oh Amy you wound me, she definitely hasn’t had her coffee” Jack snickered to someone, presumably Nikki.

“Don’t laugh Jack, coffee if a basic human right, I’m in no way responsible for my actions without one” Amelia grinned, her grin then dipped “ Why do I feel your going to tell me I’m not going to be able to get one?”

Amelia slowly approached a red light and came to a halt. Jack hadn’t answered her question. He was silent for a second.

“Suspected sniper” Jack said seriously.

“I’m sorry?” Amelia gasp. Almost on impulse she glanced around her area “What do you mean suspected sniper, where? Is there any Other information?”

“That's all they said, a suspected sniper”

‘Wow well thats helpful’ Amelia thought to herself. “Did they mention if the sniper has been caught?” she asked in a rush.

“Funny” Jack said in a sarcastic tone “ I said the exact same thing. No, there is no other information. I’ll send you the address, me and Nikki are on route. Thomas said to meet us there”

Amelia nodded to herself and licked her lip. She felt a wave of anxiety wash over her.

“No problem, see you guys soon”

Jack hung up. With the light still red she took a breath.

She may need more than three days to finish working on those files.

*******************************************************************************************

Amelia pulled up at the service station. As she did she noticed her surroundings. Wide open spaces, almost no cover for the team. The thought of the sniper being out there made her feel uneasy.

“Can I see some I.D please?”

She flinched, looking to her right an officer had approached her. She had been to0 focused on what wasn’t around to notice.

Pulling herself together, Amelia nodded politely. She lent down and quickly pulled her I.D from her bag and flashed it to the man.

“Amelia Rowell, I’m part of the forensics team from the Lyell”

The police officer gave her a small smile and stepped away, radioing in that she had arrived. Noticing Nikki's car, Amelia parked up near by.

She swiftly got out of her car, noticing the team straight away she made her way towards them.

“Morning guys” Amelia smiled. Jack and Nikki spun round upon hearing the voice of their friend. Nikki gave her a big smile and a little wave as she approached. Jack rose an eyebrow at her a small smile plastered on his face. “What time do you call this?”

She narrowed her eyes at him and decided to Ignore his comment, she then smiled at the Detective Inspectors “Hello, I’m Amelia Rowell, apologies I’m a little behind we came from different directions”

A woman in a back suit, hair tired back into a pony tail, nodded towards her.

“Hello I’m DCI Jane De Freitas's ” She then referred to the man next to her, looked very tired “This is DS Jim Cloud”

“What have we got?” The forensic scientist asked.

“As I was just mentioning to your team, this man over here is Steven Lakhani” She pointed to a body laying near a silver car a couple of yards ahead of them. The her hand dropped to two females. “ the lady on top in Andrea Lakhani. Both Identified from driving licence and bank cards.”

The group stated to head towards the bodies, while passing the two women Nikki knelt down inspecting the angles in which they lay. Amelia knelled down next to her. She glanced at the bodies. The women on top was dressed casually, the woman underneath her wore a uniform. She then lifted her head and glanced around the service station.

‘What a way to go’ she thought, she compressed her lips together as she narrowed her eyes at the open hills just ahead of the station. In all her years working in forensics, even when she worked for the metropolitan police the human race always found a way to disappoint her.

Nikki looked towards her, almost reading her mind. She looked back at the woman standing.

“Any idea where they were shot from?” Nikki asked the DCI.

“Hoping you could help us out there” the DCI replied looking away with a frown “We’ve done a sweep of the area but have found nothing so far”

‘Well that was comforting’ Amelia thought pushing herself up off the floor.

Amelia scanned the DCI, she looked as nervous as she felt. Her hands were in her pockets and she swayed from side to side while glancing around. Amelia knew that they were afraid the sniper was still watching them.

“Lucky all this petrol didn’t go up” Jack said from over where Steve Lakhani’s body was.

Nikki stood up and walked towards Jack. Amelia stayed behind the her and the DCI as they made their way to the third body. Steven Lakhani lay sprawled out in the ground, gunshot wound to the head. A puddle of petrol was leaked around the area of the body.

“Witness said his hand stayed clenched to the pump handle after her was shot.” DCI De Freitas said as they came to a standstill.

“Cadaveric spasm.” Amelia stated. They all looked towards her. “When people die in extreme stress, a muscle group remains contracted giving evidence of their last act of life”

Nikki knelt down over the body and started to examine it, Jack did the same. Amelia turned back to the body of Andrea Lakhani and the Jane Doe. She made her way to inspect them. Passing the two detectives she heard DS Cloud.

“Lets get in the warm and let the squints do their work eh?”

“Squints?” Amelia muttered to herself as she shook her head slightly while crouching down.

God if she had to deal with arseholes like him all day she deserved a medal and a bloody strong coffee.

Amelia began to inspect the uniform of the Jane Doe. She noticed the company name straight away. Poor woman worked at the service station.

“We’ve got a crime scene to process, Jim” DCI De Freitas kept her tone level.

“We’re not going to get anything from them except bullets” Cloud replied.

Amelia rolled her eyes as she lifted a strand of Andrea Lakhani’s hair, she pulled out a pair of tweezers from her work case and used it to place a strand into an evidence bag.

She would like to see him try and solve this case without them.

“It’s our daily routines that govern the ecology of victimisation-” DCI De Freitas's continued.

“Here we go” DS Cloud muttered, crossing his arms and looking away from the woman.

The female detective made her way round to stand nearer to Steve Lakhani's body.

“How did these people elevate their victim status?”

“Well, CCTV, witnesses and daylight make this situationally low-risk for the victim, but high-risk for the killer” Jack said as he stood up, pointing to the CCTV cameras. He walked towards the bodies of the two women.

“Compulsion over caution usually spells personal” De Freitas stated while following him.

“But petrol station isn’t a predictable fixture in someone’s day like a train platform” Jack continued. He came to a stop by Amelia. She looked up at him and the detective.

“Unless the fixture is your day, because you’re an employee.” She pointed at the Jane Does badge.

They all leaned down to look at the bodies.

“Phone?” DCI De Freitas asked.

“I’ll check inside for personals” Jack said.

Suddenly there was a loud bang. Wide eyed, Amelia shot to her feet in fright, almost loosing her balancing in the process. Jack lightly grabbed her shoulder to steady her. Amelia glanced at him slightly, eyes still wide and mouth slightly agape. She pulled her lips together and gave him a nod. Jack gave her a small smile and looked towards the source of the noise. His hand lingered on her shoulder for a second longer before he pulled it away.

“For God’s sake!” Cloud shouted.

“CCTV of the shooting should help us find the sniper’s nest” Nikki said while looking down at the two women. She then crouched down to inspect further.

De Freitas nodded “We are pulling it now”

Jack tapped Nikki on the shoulder and motioned Amelia to follow him as he headed back towards Steve Lakhani’s body. Amelia followed behind them attempting to keep her heartbeat at bay. “The victim with the head wound should help with bullet trajectory” Jack placed his right hand in the air, tracing the direction the bullet would have travelled.

“The bullet missed the pump and the car which gives us limitations of angles”

Nikki came to a stop. She kneeled down and pointed to Steve Lakhani’s skull. “Exit would is in the rear of the skull. High velocity splatter here”

“Pitted tarmac where the bullet impacted” Jack responded.

“Also, skull and brain fragments travelling from the exit wound in the same direction as the bullet. “ Nikki pointed out.

“So …” Jack summarized

“How tall is Mr Lakhani ?” Amelia asked, looking over towards Jack “ because I’d say about six foot?”

“Yep!” Jack replied and moved towards the silver car “ He’s standing here. Left hand.” Jack then looked from the body towards the open space in front of him. “Assuming he’s standing at his full height at the moment of impact. The shooters got to be ..” He pointed towards the hill just ahead of the service station,

“Up there”

A short time after, Jack headed into the service station to examine the Jane Does belongings. Nikki, along with De Freitas headed to find the snipers nest.

After collecting as much evidence as she could from around the three bodies, Amelia started to examine the Lakhani’s car. Firstly, she examined the outside. It was clean, a good make. Taking a picture of the number plate she then made her way round to the drivers side and opened the door. Inside was the opposite. Discarded food rappers, a newspaper lay on the floor of the passenger side. A coffee cup in the cup holder.

Amelia frowned. The Lakhani’s obviously were in some sort of rush. The litter in the car revealed that. It was clear by the make of the car and the way they dressed that they cared about appearance yet it seemed their focus had shifted. She wondered what sort of situation they would have been in. Shifting her body she looked at the drivers side. It was very much the same.

Jack slipped into the backseat of the car.

“What ya found?” He asked. Without looking at him Amelia replied.

“Not much at the moment. So far its very obvious that the Lakhani’s were heading out of town. Food wrappers everywhere, abandoned coffee cup with some coffee still inside and-”

“You looked to see how much coffee was left?”

Amelia looked up at Jack, he wore a cheeky smile. Amelia’s cheeks grew hot, she was not going to let Jack tease her.

“It has nothing to so with my coffee addiction, I’m just doing my job.”

“Just checking its not a cry for help” He winked.

Amelia rolled her eyes. Attempting to stay professional she asked “What about you what did you find?”

Jack crossed his arms over his chest.

“She had a hand bag in the staff room. From her ID her name was Bertha” He stopped for a moment and looked out towards the service station, “she had kids and it was her first day here”

Amelia turned back around and sat for a moment. “That's terrible” Her lips formed a fine line. There was always so much damage. Now these kids wouldn’t have a mum and that was something she knew all too well. “I hope we catch this bastard.”

Jack looked back to the front of the car. His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward.

He picked up a couple of recipes from the gear box.

“What do they say?” Amelia asked.

“There are recipes from this service station, apparently they have been coming here all week”

He then turned one round to face her. “And it seems you were right, definitely heading out of town”

Amelia took the receipt from his hand and inspected it in the light. It was a receipt from a Heathrow parking lot.

“Interesting” She mused. She turned back to face jack, “I think we should inform Nikki”

Amelia was still inspecting the car when Jack returned with the team.

“How do you know?” she DCI De Freitas ask as the team walked round the back of the car.

“Amy and I found receipts for petrol, snacks, flowers and coffee”

As they came to a halt, Amelia stepped back out of the car. “Yesterday they came here twice. - at 11:34 and 17:53”

DCI De Freitas came to stand behind Amelia, she reluctantly moved out the way to let her have a look inside the vehicle. She took a step back and walked to the front of the car. Jack began to explain to everyone what they had found.

She rolled her neck. Man she was tired. Hungry as well, quiet frankly she really didn’t want there to be a bloody sniper on the loosing. The brunette still was wary, the open space was making her anxious. Not that she would display her anxiety though as that would be very unprofessional.

“Dr Alexander ?”

Amelia turned back to face the group. In her hands, Nikki held a paper crane.

“That err.. That chimes with my first examination of the bodies. Steven Lakhani, unshaven, untrimmed nails, greasy hair and some body odour. Andrea Lakhani looks under weight, no make up, traces of a manicure but its not recent and the same with her hair”

“I think something went wrong for the couple before they were killed” Jack stated while leaning against the top of the car.

“Oh yeah?” Cloud challenged.

“Yeah” Amelia interrupted in a serious tone, she approached DS Cloud slowly sizing him up. The man looked bored. Very interested in leaving. He seemed to have no respect for the gathering of ideas and evidence.

“They had a house five miles away, but they chose to stay in a hotel by the airport”

DS Cloud broke eye contact and looked away from her.

She really did not like this man.

“You’ve got to ask, why couldn’t they go home?” she inquired. Cloud continued to look disinterested in her hypothesis. She felt her two colleagues watching her intently. It was rare for her to become so riled up so quickly.

A woman, short hair, pale skin approached the group. “Mam, the Chief commissioner wants an update”

As the DCI walked off to talk to, who Amelia could only assume was the chief commissioner, she turned and walked towards the woman standing near her. She took a breath.

“Hello, my names Amelia Rowell” she smiled at the woman who seemed surprised by her interaction.

“Gabby” she said, “Nice to meet you Amelia” She gave Amelia a small smile and crossed her arms over her chest.

“This is going to be a hassle for the higher ups right?” Amelia attempted to lighten the mood.

“You have no idea” Gabby replied shaking her head slightly. “Talking of higher ups”

A man approached them and began talking Gabby. Amelia saw this as her time to leave.

She looked at her watch. 9:35am. Time to pack up some evidence!

She walked over to the car, joining Nikki and Jack.

“Bag this all up and process it more at the Lyell” Nikki said She stopped as Amelia approached. Turning to her she joked “Cloud pressing your buttons much?”

Amelia gave her an awkward smile. “Obvious much?”

“Its not like you to be so fiery” Jack said raising his eyebrow at her.

“Yeah” Nikki agreed “Are you feeling aright?”

Amelia thought for a second, looking away. “Just a little peachy today.” She looked back at them and smiled “You know me, I’m fine”

Jack watched her for a second, obviously not expecting that type of answer. Nikki gave her a small smile and a nodded. Before she could respond, her phone rang.

“Thomas?” Nikki smiled, it faltered for a second and her tone became more serious. “Okay, I’ll let them know”

“What's wrong?” Amy asked. She crossed her arms and watched Nikki put the phone down from her ears hesitantly. She had her suspicions and really did not what to be right. Nikki looked at her with a grim expression.

“There may have been another shooting”

*******************************************************************************************

The day ticked on from there. Nikki, Thomas and Jack went to investigate the second shooting. Amelia headed back to the Lyell. She had a lot of logging to do. Not just for this new sniper case but for her independent work as well. She strolled in.

“Morning Clarissa, how's my favourite lady?”

“Good morning Amelia” Clarissa sung back. “I’m just preparing the space for the bodies, is it true? Sniper on the loose?”

Amelia stopped at her desk “ We don’t really know much. Three people dead, suspected forth”

“Confirmed forth”

“What seriously!” Amelia gaped.

“Nikki confirmed it, you guys have to be careful”

“We’ve got to get him Clarissa” Amelia mumbled.

“We will Amelia, we will”

File after file, Amelia made her way categorising every piece of evidence she had. She has received an email from Thomas, it contained all the pictures new crime scene. A women probably around the same age as her had been shot in the side of the head.

A large coffee cup was placed directly in front of her. For a second she just stared at the coffee. Then looked up at Jack with a blank expression. Amelia hadn’t even noticed the team coming in. She narrowed her eyes slightly and cautiously took the coffee from his hands. She brought the cup to her lips and took a sip. ‘Oh my word’

Her face lit up. “Caramel!”

Jack smiled. “Of course, what else”

This day had definitely got ten times better.

“Thanks Jack you are actually a life saver!”

As he walked away to his desk he laughed and said “I know Amy, I know. What would you do without me?”

Amelia smiled to herself. She really didn’t know.

Later Clarissa had the results on the ballistics. Everyone huddled around her desk.

“Bullet from the tree is a 308 ball round, the snipers ammo of choice. Easy to shoot. Superior terminal ballistics. Predictable trajectory, even in high winds”

“Any trace?” Gabby asked.

“Negative for prints” Clarissa shook her head, “I’ve swabbed for DNA, but I doubt it’d survive with the heat of the firing and impact”

“What kind of range are we talking?”

“If you know what your doing, you can score reliable hits, from up to eight hundred metres in all but the most extreme weather conditions” Clarissa continued.

“And if you just want to hit anything?” Gabby frowned.

“There have been documented fatalities at well over one thousand metres with this bullet”

Wonderful...

After six hours of typing she was done. Done! She had finished. Everything was were everything needed to be. Amelia glanced at everyone in the office. Clarissa was hard at work typing away, Thomas was in his office on the phone, Jack looked very focused looking up whatever he was looking up.

They were getting somewhere. This sniper would be found. Yet, she was sure the sniper wasn’t finished.

She watched Thomas stand up from his chair, that uneasy feeling greeted her again.

“There's been another shooting”

Immediately everyone started moving, Jack ran to get Nikki. Clarissa began making phone calls. Amelia grabbed her coat from her chair and caught Thomas’s eye.

“No”

Amelia looked at Thomas sharply. “What?”

“I need you to look into something for me”

“But surely this is more important Thomas?”

Amelia crossed her arms over her chest.

“Fine” she said sharply. She sat back down at her desk. It seemed the independent inquiry was more pressing then she first assumed.

“Is everything okay?” Nikki asked suddenly.

“Yes everything is fine” Thomas said while “Amelia, I’ve emailed you the extra information”

And with that they were gone.

#silent witness #jack hodgson #oc #fanfic

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argumentl · 4 years ago

Text

The Freedom of Expression Ep 22 - Soba restaurant Hosojimaya.

J: Um, its a programme edition of The Freedom of Expression, right here?

K: Yes, we're finally on location, kinda.

J: We're finally on location. So this place has been recommend on local area tv shows before. I'd like us to pay a visit to that restaurant.

K: Not that one!?

J: The one and only..you can see the sign. I can't say that I come here every week, but I come at least twice a month. I've lived nearby here for 15 years, so I must have come here about 150 times.

K: You really have been coming here, havn't you?

J: I have. Can you see the sign? It says 'Soba restaurant Hosojimaya'. Today we will try out the legendary Hosojimaya. *clapping* Thank you. *Kaoru gets some hand sanitizer* Oh, please do that, please do that. Ok, Kaoru, can you go in first.

T: The door says 'hand operated'.

J: So, what do you think after getting inside? It really has the atmosphere of a soba restaurant, doesn't it? Ah, here's the menu. Well, its a soba restaurant, so of course it has many types of delicious soba noodles, but the thing I always order is on the in-house special menu. Here it is, Half curry with chinese style soba noodles. Its a small size curry rice with, well, we would call it ramen. Once you try this, you won't be able to stop..its so...Can you smell that good smell?

K: Yeah, I can.

J: Well, we can't convey the smell to the viewers...I mean, everything on the menu is delicious, but I generally go for this.

*sitting down at table*

What shall we do, shall we go for Half curry with chinese style soba noodles?

K: Yes, I will.

J: Will you? Shall we talk about stuff while eating it?

T: Because I revere Fujii sensei so much, I'd like to try the Katsu curry with raw onion that Fujii sensei ate, if they can do it.

J: Oh, you're gonna go for that? So shall we order? Im certainly going for Half curry/chinese soba. Won't you feel like eating it when you see it?

T:...

K: Hahaha

T: Ahh, what should I do?! I can only look forward to that. Thats all I can do.

J: You can only look forward to it? Well, actually, the operating hours for this place are already over for today, but I asked especially for them to open for us.

T: Ah, thank you so much.

J: Ok, well..Excuse me, can we order please.

T: Please.

J: *Gesturing to himself and Kaoru* Us two will have Half curry/Chinese soba. And, sorry, but one of us would like to have something different...*gestures to Tasai*

T: Can you do the Katsu curry with raw onion that Fujii sensei ate? You can?! Thank you! I'm so happy.

J: *To staff* How long has this place been operating? *To K, T* He's the third generation.

Staff: Probably 43 years.

J: 43 years?

T: Do you really come here, Joe?

J: *To staff* No, no, I do come here a lot, don't I!?

Staff: Yeh, he's been coming here since before I started to work here.

J: See!

T: You weren't lying!

J: I wasn't!

K: If you were lying to would be pretty risky to take it this far.

J: It would be! Like I said on this show before, this place is near the Shogi Hall, and a lot of Shogi players come here, but thats not the reason I first came here. I can't really remember why. I mean, I live near here...but, even if you just look at it from outside, it looks nice doesn't it? You can't lose with this type of place. Well, today, if you eat this and don't find it delicious, I will shave my head!

T: Really?!

J: Haha, not really, I just wanted to see your reaction. I saw a sparkle in Kaoru's eyes. Well, if anyone comes here and asks for half curry/chinese soba which Joe Yokomizu recommends, just be aware that it does sometimes sell out. What time does the restaurant stay open till? Lunch time is until about 2:00 or 2:30. And then in the evening they open from about 17:00..but it does sell out quite quickly, so rather than getting here just before closing time, do try to come with a bit of time to spare. The fact that its far from the station is perhaps what makes it seem like a gourmet place. Its not like a so-called famous restaurant in front of the train station.

T: I see

J: Restaurants in front of the station get a lot of chance customers, its less about the taste, and more about the convenience. Like, the food comes out quickly and stuff. Thats a possiblity with that type of place, but a restaurant thats far from the station has to get more local customers, and a lot of repeat customers, so if the food doesn't taste good they won't be able to....I'm talking a lot today, aren't I?

K: You are. But, if you didn't talk...

J: Yeh, Im the only one who's talking. But after you eat, we'll get your reactions. I'll keep trying until then. Well, today we are gonna have the half curry, but here in Sendagaya - Jingu mae, it is said to be a curry battleground. There are a lot of delicious curry restaurants. But Hosojimaya's curry is a soba restaurant's curry, so its less spicy than some of the others, but its delicious. *To Kaoru* Do you like curry?

K: Yes..I grew mold in it once before though.

T: Oh, yeh.

J: Ah, you said, that legendary curry. Um, Hosojimaya's curry has a bit of meat in it, but not big pieces, just enough that you can pair it with either noodles or fried culet, and it won't get in the way. Ahh, my mouth is starting to water.

K: Haha.

J: Actually, because we're on location today, I've not eaten since last night.

T: Me too.

K: Yeh, I was told to come hungry too.

J: Ahh, this is great.

T: Its a gourmet report. *1

K: Its the first time I've done this.

J: Dir en grey doing gourmet reports doesn't usually happen, right.

K: It doesn't. Its the first time for me.

T: So this is gonna be quite rare footage.

J: Yes! You know, doing food reports is surprisingly difficult.

K: Really?

J: You always end up saying 'Yummy!'

K: *laughing* I don't know if I'll say that.

J: Ah, the food is here!

K: That was quick.

J: Kaoru, yours first. What do you think?

K: Wow, looks great! You can tell just by looking at it.

J: Right?! Its a winner.

T: Amazing

J: Half curry/Chinese soba is here.

K: I'll start with the soup.

T: Ahh, looks so good.

J: How is it? I love this so much. Its here! Look at these soba!

K: Ahh, your curry is here!

T: This is man's food!

J: I'll get katsu curry later. Oh, Kaoru! You started eating?

T: Fujii sensei ate this?

J: He did...Yummy...Yummy. How is it?

K: Mmm, delicious.

J: This must be tough for people watching, thier mouths will be watering. This has a lot of extras in it, ???*2, also pork, it has tonnes. How is the Katsu curry?

T: Delicious.

J: I bet it is. Fujii sensei...

T: The portion is big.

J: Yeah.

T: When I eat this and think of the shogi players, its kinda moving.

K: Shogi players won't be able to concentrate*3 if they are hungry.

J: Right. Ah, Kaoru tried the curry!

K: Ah!

J: He said 'Ah'. How is it?

K: Delicious.

J: We can see that, haha. At our age, we don't often eat carbs with carbs, do we?

K: Right.

J: So this is a good chance, if you come here.

This curry is still really nice even after its cooled down...

.....Look, Camerman, Kaoru has finished. That was quick! He's faster than me. Kaoru is finished!

K: I enjoyed that, thank you.

J: A word from you Kaoru, now that you've finished?

K: Yummy.

J, T: Hahaha.

J: You said it!

T: We got there in the end.

J: If we use other peoples' catchphrases too much, ????. That was simple.

J: ???

T: He's good at pretending *4

J: Scary! Ahhhh, that was delicious!

K: Yeah, but..

J: Ahh, the soup?

K: Yeh, the soup, and the onions, I want to rake them up all into one spoon.

J: Hahaha...So, that was Hosojimaya. Look, here's the menu, there are a lot more things on the menu.

K: Its difficult to know what to choose.

J: By the way, the Katsu curry is 980yen. And the Half curry/chinese noodles that we had is 1250yen. Opening hours on Sat are till 2:30pm. Its closed on Modays and public holidays. From 3:00pm to 5:30pm its closed for preparations. Open from 5:30pm onwards. The address is Shibuya ward, Sendagaya, 2-29-8, Hosojimaya. Tel: 30400921

T: Joe, you don't need to go that far.

J: No, just in case people want to contact. Well you can find the details on Tabelog.

T: Kaoru, would you like to say a final word?

K: Gochisousamadeshita/I enjoyed this meal. Im blissfully full. If you are nearby, please come here to try it out, and say Joe recommended it, right?

J: Yes.

K: Gochisousamadeshita.

J: Gochisousamadeshita.

T: Gochisousamadeshita. It was yummy!

J: Yummy!

*1, 3 Couldn't clearly hear, but I think thats the gist.

* 2 Couldn't catch, some ramen ingredient.

*4 This exchange I couldn't make out explicitly, but they are talking about the phase 'まいう~\maiuuu', which is a phrase used by TV comedy personality Ishizuka Hidehiko when he does gourmet reports, and is a play on the word 'umai/delicious'. Also, how to translate that? Yummy?

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

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spookybreadstick · 4 years ago

Note

Hello! Congrats on 100 followers!anyways im requesting a premium matchup.

- I'm nonbinary (vae/vaer/xe/xem/they/then)

- Demisexual Omni

- I like to read, write, draw, and generally do those sorts of creative things

-I definitely don't like being forced to talk, have physical contact with other people, and move around, it kinda just makes me almost crash except im on edge and paranoid but nothing's processing

-Personality type is INTP-T

-Sun Sign is Pisces, Moon Sign is Gemini, and my ascendant is a Leo

-I'm fairly tall, 5 feet 9 inches (175.26 centimeters) to be exact

-I'm very pale and skinny

-I have naturally red hair, on the darker side, it's think and wavy

-It may possibly be in a grown out mullet to but who knows?

-I have blue/green/grey eyes that almost always have bag under

-My style is kinda just button down, flannels, plaids, turtlenecks, tank tops, hoodies, sweaters, trenchcoat (i have this one dark purple one that i love), vests, wide brimmed hats, bennies, jeans, skirts, knee high and thigh high socks, and boots

-My love language is Quality Time

-No gender preference

-Blacklist: Jeff the Killer, Ben, Toby or any of the slender brothers

-Extra info:

-ADHD, anxiety, and insomnia (on meds for all of them)

-I need reminders to take our meds, eat, use the bathroom, generally anything thats just basic hygine or health

-We have a hard time showing affection and empathy

-I've been told i have a bit of a resting bitch face

-I tend to bottle up emotions

-I'm semi-verbal and not big on physical contact (though I do like late night cuddles and kisses)

-I don't like people, I'm generally not good with them

-I have some motor tics

-If I have a panic attack it tends to trigger a tic attack if I'm able to calm down quickly (like.. less then five minutes)

-I like most music other than country and christian

-I tend to overwork myself alot (Without doing anything most of the time)

-I love stargazing and watching stars

-Driving around in the woods late at night? love it

-I also find bathing together romantic for some reason

-If I'm scared, or freak out or something bad happens; generally just if my brain goes from clam or really any feelings to panic then my brain kinda forces us to dissociate and it blocks out what happened

-I also don't move when that happens

-Random stim is just softly blowing air through my mouth

-One of my tics is well I'll put my arms over my head, my forearms pressed up against the back for my head and the top of my head tilted towards my knees and if i try to move my leg just twitchs (its whacked me in the head a few times) it usually last a minute or two

-Oh yeah my name is Ares (like the god of War)

Anyways hope thats enough info for you 😘 love ya breadstick/p hope you have a good day

you sent this in twice (no worries) but basically had the same information so i just combined them both into one! :) hope that’s okay!

few things about your ask i’d like to mention: a) this was so hard, i was so torn between two of the pastas but in the end I picked EJ although really it could have been either of the two tbh b) i like reading and writing too! c) i’ve always thought that red hair is so beautiful c) my ascendant is Leo as well! d) you’re like the third or fourth person i’ve done a match-up for that has a mullet look going on! you all should start a club or something lol! e) i’ve been told i have resting sad/stressed out face. like i’ll be totally calm but apparently i just look nervous or upset? f) that name is so cool omg!

💝💝💝 I Match You With: EJ!

Similar Likes: reading (or in his case, being read to), listening to music, drawing (he used to anyway and he still likes to doodle),

Similar Dislikes: being forced to talk to or interact with people, physical touch when it’s not wanted,

Why You'd Make A Good Match: EJ needs somebody who’s a romantic type like you to get him to open up to people and to realize that he’s somebody worth loving. Being with you makes him actually enjoy his life. In return, you get a caring and protective boyfriend. He will always be sure to remind you to take care of yourself (he’s especially on top of your medications, because he keeps them in a special little pill box in his ‘office’). He can’t cook for you unfortunately, but he will always remind you when it’s time to eat. And for times when you’re non or semi verbal, he will become shockingly good at guessing what you need or want. At the start, it will be rough to convey what you’re ‘saying’ since he can’t see you very well, but he is a fast learner and will pick up on your own little ‘language’.

Potential Relationship Clashes: Just as you can rely on EJ for your needs, there are some things that he will have to rely on you for. He will sometimes need you to be his eyes, and to help him with simple tasks that require more of his sight than he has. EJ’s pretty good about handling himself, but he will sometimes need a helping hand and as his partner he would like you to be the one to do it but he also doesn’t want to stress you out. Also, just a minor thing, but if you’re stimming or ticcing then you’ll have to let him know (in the beginning at least, before gets properly accustomed to your sounds and sudden movements) so he doesn’t get confused about what’s happening.

What He Loves The Most About You: EJ loves just being with you because you make him happy. You also give him purpose and make him feel good about himself, that he can take care of somebody and love them (thus making him definitely not the monster he fears he is, because monsters don’t know how to love). You just make him happy, and he hopes he makes you feel the same.

#💝#this-person-who-does-stuff #Matchup #creepypasta matchups #Matchups #EJ #ej creepypasta #💝 matchups #spookybreadstick

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hadestownmodern · 5 years ago

Text

Whole Foods and Grilled Cheese

You got Eurydice and Persephone at Costco. Here is the prelude to that: Orpheus and Hades at Whole Foods. This was such a wild thing to write and I hope it brings someone a bit of a smile in these hard times. -A

The bustling of the grocery store was not a welcome sight to Orpheus who had not expected the action filled morning when he called his uncle the previous night.

“She’s been staying a lot..”

“Orpheus, I don’t want to know about your late night antics with that girl-”

“No no thats not- I’m not trying to talk about that!” Orpheus stuttered though he knew his blush was not evidence through the telephone. “She doesn’t eat well and she works so much- I wanted to try to make her some things.”

“Make her some things?”

“I want to learn to cook. Can you help me?”

“....” Silence, so Hades could hide the slight pride in his voice. “I’ll be there in the morning.”

The 8 a.m. knock on his apartment door, with his uncle demanding to get going for a ‘long day ahead’ had not been what he was anticipating when he rolled out of bed scrambling for pajama pants.

The morning was nothing short of exhausting. Hades dragging Orpheus through the busy streets to a high end department store and making a beeline for the kitchen department. A long lecture on different pots, pans, and cooking utensils ended with Hades buying ‘one of everything’ and having it promptly delivered to Orpheus apartment so they could continue on their day.

By afternoon, after Hades spent a small fortune to equip Orpheus with “the best of the best” for cooking, he would not relax on the ride to the local Whole Foods.

“Amma says you should buy from Farmer’s markets…” Orpheus had commented, between drinks of a free sample smoothie that was a rather unsettling shade of green.

Hades tried to hold back the sharp retort, biting his tongue and gesturing Orpheus forward in the store. “You can go to the farmers market once you have pantry staples, Orpheus. But you need a solid base. Spices, rice, pastas, flour.. Spices especially. Eventually you can make most of it yourself. You can make broth and pasta but for now, we’re starting easy. You need a solid start. A pasta dish, a chicken dish, some sort of eggs.. We’ll get to soup later. We’ll cover steak next week.”

“Next week?” Orpheus squeaks, eyes wide at the assortment of fruits and vegetables around him. His fingers lingered on star fruit a few extra moments before Hades deep voice pulled him out of his reverie.

“Yes, Next Week, do you want to impress the girl or not?” Hades is perusing a meat case, conversing with the butcher in words Orpheus cannot comprehend, taking brown paper wrapped packages and placing them in the cart. “We’ll start easy today. Scrambled eggs. Maybe a nice red sauce. Simple things…. What can you make now?”

“I can...heat up frozen chicken nuggets. And make grilled cheese! With tomato Soup!”

“Is the tomato soup from a can, Orpheus?” He isn’t even looking at him as he examines a dozen of eggs and places them in the shopping cart as well, before grabbing a few cheeses.

“...yes…”

“Then thats not cooking. What kind of cheese do you put on the grilled cheese?”

“The little slices that come wrapped one by one-”

“Thats not even real cheese. Okay. No red sauce today. Eggs. We do eggs.” He loops back to grab an extra dozen.

Hades directs Orpheus through each aisle, taking time to pause and teach Orpheus about all the possibilities. Different types of pasta for different sauces (Light sauce with spaghetti, bolognese with rigatoni), types of beans to use for different fillings, how different flours affected baked goods.

They were in the spice aisle, a deep discussion on the values of garlic salt versus garlic powder when Orpheus asked a new question.

“So you need garlic and onion powder, but can add your own salt. I really suggest you use real garlic and onion but on grilled cheese or eggs this is easier. I also think freshly cracked black pepper makes a difference-”

“When did you know you wanted to marry Persephone?” He asks, looking up from his notebook full of spice notes.

“...not after six days, Boy, back to the spice. Now bay leaves are quintessential to a good soup base..”

“I bought a ring!”

“And you should use real homemade broth, Persephone used those bouillon cubes as a nausea quick cure but- I’m sorry you did what?”

“I bought a ring! Yesterday. I love her so much, I just..I know she’s it for me. Amma always says you know and I know!” He has an innocence in his eyes that Hades doesn’t want to crush, but innocence too closely accompanies naivety.

“Orpheus. You met six days ago. You don’t marry a girl because she took your virginity!”

Orpheus’ face turned the color of the canned tomatoes in his hand, the poet losing his words. “No! I love her! I know I do! She makes the world have color and reason and I look at her and see the whole world. I just imagine waking up next to her and holding our babies and-”

“Six days. Six days ago. You met her six days ago, stop talking about babies and marriage and focus on, I don’t know, getting to no her as a person with clothes on?” He grabs a handful of jarred spices and pushed on through the store. “Two years, Orpheus. We were together two years before I even thought about it. Now come on, we need to start cooking.” He ended the conversation, gesturing Orpheus towards the checkout.

They stopped at his apartment to drop off and properly store the frozen ingredients, a lesson all in its own of proper pantry filling and food storage, before taking the car to Hades townhome, where Orpheus was already spending so much of his time.

“We’ll do Eggs and grilled cheese. Scrambled eggs, you can’t do an omlette yet.” Hades decided as he keys into the front door, grabbing the mail on his way in.

“Is seph home? Is she gonna try it-”

“Of course. You don’t have to impress her though. Even if it tasted like garbage, that woman would never hurt your feelings. It’s Junie you need to impress-”

“..Junie?”

Just then Hades pushes the door open, and within seconds tiny yet quick footsteps were audible, getting closer by the second.

Junie, in her little purple tutu, ringlet curls bouncing as she ran, flew into her father’s legs with her arms in the air. “Daddy! I miss-ed-ed you!”

He chuckles lowly, scooping her onto his hip and kissing her cheek as the toddler wrapped her arms around his neck. “Hey, Princess. Where’s your mother?”

“If she’s the princess, does that make me the queen?” Persephone appears, long curls falling loose around her face. She somehow looks put together even in a sweatshirt far too big for her and flannel pajama shorts left over from last years christmas. “How was your shopping trip?”

He kisses his wife, tugging her closer by the fabric of her shirt. “You were the queen long before she was the princess. And it was eventful. He uses prepackaged cheese.”

“Well, I ate cups of ramen noodles and you loved me anyway.” Persephone winks, holding a hand out to Orpheus. “I hope he didn’t scare you, it’s sweet, that you’re learning to do this.”

“Well I want to be with her forev-”

He is interrupted by Hades voice, as he bounces Junie once “Hey Junie, why don’t we go set up to cook. Come, Orpheus.”

“Yeah, come on Ophie!” Junie gestures for him to follow, as her father carries her to the kitchen. He sits her on the chair at the island, before Persephone sits beside her and pulls her into her lap.

“Why’s Ophie cookin’ daddy?” She asks, kicking her little legs before pressing her back into her mother’s chest, snuggling into her.

“Because he’s trying to impress a girl, Junie.” Hades says off handedly, placing a loaf of bread on the table top. “Remember, Junie, if a man can’t cook, he isn’t good enough for you.”

“Noone’s good ‘nuff for me, Daddy.”

“Thats right, baby. Thats right.”

“Are you tryna impress Princess Rydice, Ophie?” The little girl asks, craning her head to look at him, standing in the doorway looking suddenly horrified.

“Oh, Yes I am Junie, I love her so much and I want to make her happy!” He has a dreamy look in his eyes, looking off in admiration.

“Are you gonna marry her?” Junie inquires, cocking her head.

“I want to, so badly!”

“Now Orpheus, we talked about this-” Hades grumbled before his wife cuts him off.

“What are you making us tonight, my little culinary masters.” Persephone teases, resting her chin on Junie’s head. “I’m in the mood for glazed salmon with-”

“Eggs. We are making eggs. And grilled Cheese.” Hades shoots her a look, signifying that even this may result in ordering takeout late in the evening. He grabs butter and an assortment of cheeses, a carton of eggs, and some other small ingredients.

“Thats not a real meal, daddy. Wheres the veggie?” Junie questions, resting her little face on her hand.

“Orpheus has to learn not to burn his house down before we can teach him to blanch veggies, baby.” Hades shakes his head, but hands Junie a handful of grated cheese to munch on in the cooking process.

Orpheus looks stunned as an egg is placed in his hand, and a small glass bowl is given to him. “Do i just..”

“Crack the egg Orpheus.”

Orpheus slams the egg into the bowl, shell going everywhere in both the yolk and on the counter top. “Oh..”

“Try again.”

They do this half a dozen times before Orpheus can confidently crack an egg, and learns whisking skills with a fork. He learns to add milk and butter, salt and pepper. He burns the first try, and under cooks the second. The third try is plated, and slid across the island to Junie and her mother.

Persephone gives Junie a bite before taking one herself. Persephone, either being overly kind or with overly low standards, gives orpheus a thumbs up.

Junie, however, stares at the pale eggs and shakes her head. “Ophie you aren’t impressin’ any-body with this. You need salt.”

“Juniper! Be nice!” Persephone lectured, but hid her face in her corkscrew curls to laugh to herself.

“I just telling the truth! It’s bland!” Junie defends, looking to her dad.

“She’s not wrong..Just use a little more salt and you’ll be golden Orpheus. Eat your eggs then we’ll try the grilled cheese.”

The grilled cheese does not go any better.

“For the love of god Orpheus, you put the buttered side on the pan, and the cheese on the inside!”

“He’s hopeless, Daddy.” Junie pokes in, eating the still uncooked cheese set out on the island. “ Rydice will marry you anyway Ophie, it’s okay if you can’t cook! Mama can’t cook either!”

“I made you, thats close enough to cooking.” Persephone teased, poking Junie’s stomach and making her erupt into brilliant giggles.

Orpheus is distracted by the sound, suddenly drawn to a future where it is a dark haired little girl laughing in the arms of Eurydice as he cooks a meal for his own family. He is so distracted by the thought of Eurydice’s dark eyes on a child that he doesn’t hear Hades in the background.

“Orpheus...Orpheus...ORPHEUS you are BURNING the toast.” He takes the spatula out of Orpheus’ hand and tosses the offending blackened sandwich away.

“I’m sorry i’m usually not this bad...I don’t burn my own grilled cheese.”

“Because you use fake cheese. Now remember. Butter bread. Butter side down. Gruyere. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Bread Butter side up.”

Orpheus follows the instructions, and this time, successfully develops a golden crust on the bread, with cheese oozing out just right.

He cuts the sandwich in half and presents it to his niece/pseudo sister with pride. “Here you go Junie B.”

Junie eyes him carefully, examining all of the sandwich. “Pretty color..smells good…” She takes an apprehensive bite, then another. “It’s good, Ophie...but..”

“Whats wrong, Junie?” Hades muses, leaning down to her eye level.

“If you were on chopped, you’d be chopped. But thats okay. My Daddy’s just better than you.”

#orpheus can't cook eggs but he can fertilize them #orpheus #hades #Junie tag #persephone #modern au #hadestown modern au #hadestown #hadestown au

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kareofbears · 5 years ago

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persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago

disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post.

now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!

1) Akechi

so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form.

I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.

back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)

2) the ending

just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life).

But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved.

Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5.

3) the entire last semester

i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.

what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun.

one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.

4) everything else

- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!

- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much

- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.

-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE

-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to

-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much

- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy

-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up

- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces

- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality

-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall

so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again.

I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)

#p5 #persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #mine #such a long post but totally worth it

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queenjunoking · 4 years ago

Text

Wolf Taming Pt 19

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping - Manipulation

“I know you can hear me Sasha. You’re currently under the effects of a drug I helped make. It’s a bit like the one I gave you on your second day here, but it doesn’t make you loopy. It also has some other effects you’ll figure out in a bit.” I pulled Sasha out of the heap she had landed in and laid her out of the floor so I could get a good look at her. “I needed you to cooperate with what I’m going to be doing and this seemed like a fair trade. Admittedly this would be much easier with someone who was willing but I can only work with what you’re giving me. This way you don’t have to bruise your pointless pride right now by just doing what I ask and instead I’ll just be doing things to you. I wouldn’t consider that better but I guess I’m not you.”

I had gotten credit for the discovery of the drug, it was why I got such a generous start up sum compared to other new members. But I wasn’t a chemist. It was an unintended interaction between other chemicals I had been using on someone the society was having me work on. The poor woman spent a month under its effects before a new concoction was made that could counter the effects. It was yet another thing that had unfortunately made me well known in the society despite my low status.

I looked at Sasha as I started to unbox her new outfit. Unfortunately I couldn’t discern what Sasha might be thinking. She couldn’t move her face yet so her eyes were just watching me. The drug would start wearing off on her face first, letting her move the muscles in her face. Then she’d be able to talk a bit. Getting anything else back required the other drug.

“If you weren’t acting out we could be outside right now. We would have put the hood on, put on the arm binder and with a few tugs on the clamps we could have gotten upstairs and outside and you would have been free to wander around and enjoy the sunlight. Instead you get to spend more time down here while I get you in your new outfit.” The first ten minutes or so of Ragdoll were a bit frustrating for me. I liked to get a reaction out of the person I was working with, but she could give me nothing. A subject could hurl scream and cry or hurl insults at me all they liked and it typically didn’t bother me. I had heard it all. But getting nothing made me uncomfortable.

I unpacked the box and placed the items next to her. I had wanted to save this until a nicer time when she could wear the entire outfit, but unfortunately I would only get to use a few pieces of it if I ever wanted to get her up the stairs. As fussy as she was being, I was sure getting to go outside would ultimately fix her mood.

I could see her straining her eyes to see what I had put down. I sorted the pieces of the outfit, placing the parts that I couldn’t use back into the box. I held up the part I had been waiting to have her wear for so long. My heart ached that I couldn’t put her in it today. A beautiful latex bitchsuit. One of the few purchases that I had been talked into that I actually wanted to buy. I had been excited to use it for so long, but there’s no way she could climb two flights of stairs in it, let alone get back down here.

I usually sat on the side of latex being pretty, but much too delicate and hot for it to be useful for most things. Maids were a popular choice, they usually stayed inside which kept them cool enough. Latex was apparently popular for show ponies, but I never bothered to actually go and see a competition so I wasn’t sure what else owners typically did. But what else did you do with it? Make a bitchsuit out of it was apparently the answer. I wanted it the moment I saw it. Maybe it wasn’t suitable for her to wear for long periods, but she’d look stunning in it.

I stoked my hand over the suit, listening to the sound it made. Then I heard another noise. “W..uhs tha?” Sasha was starting to get her voice back. It took a bit for her to get full control of her voice.

“Nothing sweetheart. This is something for another time.” I placed the suit back in the box. I may not be able to use it now but plenty here was usable. “I really wish you had just listened Sasha because this is going to be unpleasant and annoying for both of us.”

“Ten dunt do et.” It was adorable listening to her slurred words. Even in this state she was being a brat.

“You’re funny. That’s not how this works and you know it. Let’s start with your paws.” The suit normally didn’t have a reason to use paws given how it made the body fold, but I spent extra to get some matching pieces that would help complete the outfit without the bitchsuit.

I removed her cute locking mitts and replaced them with the ones made for the outfit I’d be putting her in. Black leather paw mitts that went up to the elbow, complete with locks. Maybe not as cute as her other mitts, but they had their own fun quality.

“Are they comfortable Sasha?” I wanted to wait until she could talk again to continue. I was eager to hear her feedback while i worked.

“No.” I watched her move her face around as she was regaining more control of it.

“These aren’t much different than you’re previous ones except longer so I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Tose wer-” She stopped and cleared her throat and tried again. “Those weren’t comfortable either.” Good, her voice was back.

“Well if you thought those were uncomfortable then you’ll probably dislike these, but you don’t really have much of a choice right now.”

Now that I had everything set up I was really starting to realize the task in front of me. The bitchsuit came with leather padded leg binders. They would keep the legs folded and had padding on the knees so the wearer could walk on them. But they were easier to put on when the wearer worked with you, it was going to be difficult to put them on with her limbs being slack at the moment.

"What are you doing?" She asked after my third attempt to keep her leg up so I could get the binder on her leg.

“You know, I figured you’d be more concerned about not being able to move. ‘What did you do to me? Why can’t I move?’ Something like that.” I ended up taking my belt off and using it to keep her leg folded.

“You injected something into the back of my neck and I can’t move. It’s not like this is the first time you’ve injected me with something and…” she trailed off.

“And I’ve yet to hurt you from doing it and you have no reason to think I’m trying to hurt you now.” I finished her sentence for her. I finished lacing up the leg binder and locked it on before moving to her other side to start the process again.

“I’m not sure that drugging me doesn’t count as hurting me but I’m sure you have a way of rationalizing all of your behavior.”

“There are very few people like you Sasha.” It was an honest observation. I had never worked with someone like Sasha.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I could hear her eyes rolling as she spoke.

"Well here you are on the floor, injected with a drug that’s left you unable to move and left completely open to whatever I want to do to you. But here you are just having a casual conversation with me. You realize this isn’t how people normally act right?” I wrapped the belt around her other leg so I could get to work on lacing up the next leg binder.

“What do you want me to do? Scream and cry or something? I’m not sure how to feel about anything anymore. All that happens here is a rotation of boredom, pain, and humiliation. Everything has blended together at this point.” She sounded distant. She wasn’t wrong, these kinds of environments could break people. It’s why i was taking her outside.

“I want you to feel like you want too. You’re special because you’re you. Many in your position would scream and cry. Some would just fall into line to avoid getting hurt. But you keep playing your own games. You’re very fun. I’m glad no one else got their hands on you, they would have stamped out that beautiful spirit of yours.

“You’re fucking psycho. I don’t know how you sleep at night.”

“Surprisingly well actually.” I finished locking on the leg binder. I hadn’t always slept well after joining, but you get used to it eventually.

“You’ve been honest enough with me in your own creepy way so I’m going to be fair about something so I won’t feel as bad about it when the time eventually comes.”

“Oh?” I got up and moved to stand directly over Sasha. I sat down so I was straddling her stomach and she made a noise of discomfort. It let me look directly into her eyes. “And what’s that?”

“The moment you slip up, I’m going to fucking kill you.”

A shiver went up my spine and I gave her a smile. “So violent. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I could tell she didn’t really appreciate that I was sitting on her. I’m sure she’d love to make good on that threat right now if she could. She definitely would after what I was about to do to her. “I have a question for you Sasha.”

“Just go ahead and ask it. It’s not like if I say no it’s not like thats going to stop you.” Her face was starting to go a little red and her breathing was off. The secondary effect of the drug was starting to affect her.

“Have you ever had sex?” I asked her with a straight face, doing my best not to give anything away.

“What?!” Her face instantly went several shades of red darker.

“I’ll take that as a no. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Though some people would find the situation you’re in quite erotic. If you ever need some stimulation or want some release you should let me know. I’d be happy to take care of that for you.” Sasha was cute. The most nothing questions revolving around sex would set her off. It was obviously something she was insecure about.

“I don’t think my sex life is any of your-” I interrupted her by stroking my thumb over her nipple, elicitng a moan from that that surprised us both.

“Do you like it when I play with your nipple?” I asked her as I continued to stroke her nipple.

“Nnnno… Nno I dooo..n’t.” It was a pretty bold lie from the moans I was pulling out of her. But at least part of it was from the drug. I had tried to argue against adding the aphrodisiac effects, I wanted Ragdoll to just be a drug that could be used to lock someone in their body. But the Society was convinced it would do better with that extra effect so I was forced to withdraw my objections.

“You look on edge Sasha, you sure you don’t want to ask for an orgasm? There’s no shame in it.” There were many things I would enjoy doing to Sasha, but I had decided long ago that an orgasm was something she’d have to swallow her pride and would have to beg for one.

“Fuuuuck you.” A fair enough response. I was enjoying how much it was affecting her. The aphrodisiac was a fairly low dose. I had options I could use on her that would make her needy enough to start humping my leg like a dog in heat. But that kind of thing was for another time.

“I’m flattered but now really isn’t the time.” She let out a frustrated growl, sending another chill down my spine. She couldn’t hurt me right now, but being this close while she did that still made my heart race a little. “I’ll be back in a moment Sasha. There’s one more piece to your outfit that you still need inserted.

“What?” I ignored her question and went into the toy room, grabbing a pair of latex gloves, some lube, a blindfold, a leash, and a vial of the antidote that I would need. I made sure to keep them out of her sight as I returned.

“Have you ever played with sex toys Sasha?” I wouldn’t have called myself the most adventurous person before I joined the Society but even I had sex toys.

“I don’t think that's any of you-” I cut her off.

“So that’s a no. Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing wrong with them either though. ” It took quite a bit of effort but I managed to flip Sasha off of her back and onto her stomach. I realized my mistake, it would have been much easier to do what I was about too before I put on the leg binders so I could prop her up on her legs. But I’d have to work with what I had. I snapped on one of the gloves and applied a generous amount of lube.

“What are you doing?!” Her sense of urgency suddenly went through the roof.

“Shh… just relax.” With that I slowly inserted a finger into her butt.

“Stop! What the fuck are you doing!” She wanted to pull away but her body wasn’t cooperating with her.

I sighed. “I’m turning the collar back on Sasha, yapping will be punished with a shock. If you keep yapping despite that I have other methods.”

To my surprise, she became quite quiet after that. Little noises and moans, nothing the collar would pick up on. I was expecting a fight to be honest. I wasn’t expecting her to simply take it. She made a louder noise the collar picked up on when I added a second finger, her body convulsed slightly. But whether it had been a sound of pleasure or displeasure was something I wasn’t quite sure about.

“I think that should be good enough. It’s time for you to try your first toy. Don’t worry, it’s quite small and very adorable.” I picked up the last piece of the outfit that I could use. A sleek puppy tail plug. I gave it a generous amount of lube and pressed the bulb against her so she could feel it. “Ready Sasha?”

I didn’t wait for her to answer. With a bit of effort I pushed it inside of her. With that my wolf was dressed. Legs bound so she could no longer stand upright. Paws so she couldn’t grab anything. And a beautiful tail that would shake back and forth as she walked. I took a picture of her back end, getting her bound legs and the plug in the picture.

I discarded the glove and knelt by her head. I grabbed a handful of her hair so I could pull her head up and she could see the picture. She already had tears in her eyes and her face was bright red. “See? I told you it was cute!” She looked at the picture but didn’t say anything. I released her hair and stood back up.

“You know, I’m kind of glad you were being a brat. This was fun, to think you could have just gone outside without having to have gone through any of that. You still sure you don’t want an orgasm? You seem flustered. Speak.” I could feel a bright smile on my face, I was really enjoying myself. It had been quite some time since I enjoyed myself before Sasha came along.

“No I don’t you psycho!” She was upset but she couldn’t really hide the effect the aphrodisiac had on her.

“Fine, if you want to deny yourself that’s fine. We could always get you a chastity belt or something if you decide you never want to have another orgasm, but those are usually reserved for maids and people in similar positions. People, not pets.” My comment elicited yet another growl, she was quite feisty today.

“Here’s the thing Sasha. That drug requires an antidote or the effects don’t end. If I wanted too I could leave you locked in your body like that forever, never able to move again.”

“Y-you wouldn’t do that. You want me to do things. Tricks and stuff.” She called me out on my bluff. She was right, but that didn’t mean the thought didn’t scare her.

“You’re right, but I am very patient and those leg binders will get uncomfortable after awhile. Swallow your pride and repeat what I say and you’ll get the antidote and we’ll go outside. Say ‘Please give me the antidote Master.’ Speak.”

“Please give me the antidote Master.” She spoke through gritted teeth, but I could hear her voice wavering.

“Say ‘I’m sorry for acting out Master.’ Speak.” I was going to poke her all I wanted. She knew I wouldn’t leave her like this but she was scared regardless.

“I’m sorry for acting out Master.” She kept playing along, nothing else she would risk doing.

“Say ‘I’m your wolf master.’ Speak.”

“I’m your wolf Master.” The words sounded beautiful when she said them.

Say ‘I belong to you master.’ Speak.” Repetition was the key to drilling it into her head.

“I... belong to you master.” She was getting frustrated now, but her fears were overriding her frustration.

“You’re such a good girl Sasha.” I loaded the applicator with the antidote. I pressed it against the back of her neck and pulled the trigger. There was a small hiss and it was done. She’d be able to move around in a few minutes.

I waited for a few minutes and watched as she regained control of her limbs. It was funny to watch, they just kind of jerked around a lot until she regained control. I watched her weakly push herself up with her arms. She stumbled a bit, trying to figure out how to move with her legs bound like they were. It was kind of like watching a baby deer learning to stand. I clipped the leash to her collar and slipped the blindfold over her eyes.

“How about we finally go play outside?”

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miridiums-writing · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! could I pls have a bnha matchup if ur doing them? I'm 5'5, she/her, straight! long dark brown hair w the front right half dyed white, green eyes + tan skin. I'm super bubbly & loud, love working out + I'm a huge foodie! Im naturally really flirty + my love language is physical touch! Im stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee & PDA. I'm emotional, confident, bold giggly, energetic + observant. esfp/taurus. I'm a night owl, v playful + luv teasing. I also RAMBLE but I'm a gd listener <3

This took longer than it should since I had school. Also I didn't mention anything about your looks mostly because it doesn't matter who I paired you with or what you looked like, they all aren't shallow enough to care for looks, though, it is a bonus they all look for what's inside. Its not proof read so, spelling mistakes are likely

I ship you with :

Izuku

Both of you are just adorable together

You both a very bubbly and heart warming persona that is just a delight to be around

So both of you together is just a happiness overload

He works out often, to keep up with the hero course, and he also does it out of habit after working with all might for so long

Speaking of all might when dating Izuku you hear a lot about him

Random facts about heroes that Izu managed to scrounge up from somewhere

Its impressive the information he keeps in his pretty little head

If you told him that he would go bright red and try to hide his face with his arms

Izuku is alright at cooking

His mum is usually the one who cooks so his skills aren't perfected

Though he will try his hardest to cook for you knowing how much you love food

No joke writing about food just made me hungry, and I just ate :(

If you don't like something he made he would much rather you told him than hiding your disgust to not hurt his feelings

He knows he needs to improve so he really appreciates your hard critique if your willing to give it

Although he blushes and gets extremely flustered every time you do it, he loves when you flirt with him

Reminds him how much you love him and thats really reassuring for him

He's just a totally softy for you

His love language is more acts of affection, such as cleaning up your room when your busy, or going out to buy you snacks before shark week

Just general everyday sweet things

Though physical affection is the third one he turns to he loves to indulge in your affection

Although obviously the start of the relationship anytime you hugged him he would go a brilliant shade of red

After a while he would ease into it

He still blushes, but its just a light tinge on pink of his cheeks instead

He is alot more for words in these situations

As you cuddle up together to watch moves he likes to mumble into your hair all the things he loves about you

Izu isn't as stubborn as you

Unless its something really important he doesn't see any reason to defend his side till death

This makes arguments ever so slightly easier

Not much though but at least you both aren't so stubborn neither of you will apologise

He is usually the first to apologise because he can't deal with you being mad at him

But you always apologise right after

Your stubborn but, his face is too cute, you know when you were in the wrong too

He is also impulsive

This gives aizawa a heart attack because he cares a lot for his students so he keeps an extra eye on you both to keep you safe

It give all might a heart attack

That's his prodigy and you both are so impulsive and a bit reckless

But at least you can both be impulsive together :)

He much rather be in the heat than the rain

Though he does understand your appeal to it

To see after the storm has cleared and the air just feels so clear and fresh

He enjoys sitting with you cuddling with cups of coffee or hot chocolate listening to the rain

He likes the calming feeling of your fingers in his hair so do it more often sound of the rain against the window

He doesn't like PDA as much

Mostly because he knows his friends will tease him for his red face

But he is soft for you he always gives in

Every time

He loves your confidence

Like a goddess graced his presence

He's definitely not as confident as you

And that why he admires you

As much as all might

Almost as much as all might

All your dates have been like mini adventures

Your both so bold and out there with energy so you fit each other perfectly

He is the best to tease

Because his reactions are always amazing

Its so easy to fluster him its almost childs play

So do it often, dont worry, he loves you so much that he doesn't mind

He's more over a morning person than a night person

How can you be so awake so late?!!

He sometimes will wake up in the night to make sure you went to bed so you have enough sleep

You observe everything just like him

He focuses most his efforts on you heroes he looks up to

Both of you ramble

He gladly listens to you especially since you listen to him ramble

Its a very give and take relationship

Neither doing more than the other

Perfectly balanced

As all things should be

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sargentr · 5 years ago

Text

so i reread the dream thieves a while back and i wrote down some stuff i hadn’t really noticed/paid that much attention to. some of them are mere observations others are just me. Fangirling. as one does:

* ronan's first love was his family

* adam tried his best to make things work with blue, just like everything else he had tried in his life

* gansey is very well aware of his privilege and wealth

* ronan has two weaknesses: niall lynch and adam parrish

* noah was there for ronan is ways not even ronan realized

* when ronan was filled with anger for a reason i cant remember, he relaxed a bit when gansey, beside him, answered his phone and said "hey" into it, meaning it was adam. (this is from ronans pov) like!!! theyre so comfortable around each other can i leave

* adam was so furious at gansey for thinking he had made the st agnes bill easier for him that he didnt realize that it had ronan written all over it

* gansey was such a light hearted and carefree person that there was not a single person in aglionby who did not know who he was. it is described that while others tried to fit in aglionby, aglionby fit perfectly in gansey. he was the type of person who the teachers would hold for a second after class to show him the article they thought he might like. HE’S BABY.

* gansey and ronan's relationship was not based on communication.

* adam always thought how beautiful all of gansey's things were.

* ronan lynch was one of those things

* gansey often reminded himself how niall lynch's death affected ronan

* ronan would rather die than kill adam

* the image of ronan trying (and lying) to take his life was scarred into gansey like ink

* gansey and ronan fought a night creature and fit perfectly as a team (gansey's pov)

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: "(blue) wore a dress ronan thought looked like a lampshade. whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, gansey clearly wished he had one. ronan wasn't a fan of lamps."

* ronan lynch is completely and utterly himself the first time he steps foot in the barns

* RONAN REFERRING TO ADAM AS EINSTEIN

* ronan has no chill whatsoever omg when they're in the barns and checking to see if the animals are still alive blue asks ronan to check some of them and he replies to her and adam "you two poverty twins do it"

* confirmed: ronan lynch is a complete cupcake (eg: pressing the small mouse to his cheek to check the heartbeat)

* confirmed: richard gansey is a bigger cupcake for smiling ear to ear while doing the same

* !!!! "and it was his smile that buried ronan"!!!! (referring to gansey and the mouse)

* "... adam replied, his henrietta accent sneaking out, betraying his fatigue. it was something deeper." (ronan's pov)

* second confirm: ronan lynch is a Softie™ (eg: when they were about to leave the barns but ronan whispered so just gansey heard "can i go and see mom?" HE IS ALSO BABY

* OKAY BUT GANSEY AND RONAN THIS ENTIRE BOOK: "i remember when you used to smell like this" referring to when they enter the main house at the barns.

* "ronan loved it so much. he nearly couldn't bare it. he wanted to destroy something." (((this is about the barns. protect this sunshine)))

* when blue saw a picture of a bird in the barns and asked, "are these vultures or crows?" and adam and ronan replied at the same time, "vultures" "crows" NERDS

* "i am being perfectly fucking civil" still to this day, the best thing ronan lynch has ever said.

* "ronan looked at gansey. that look, blue thought. ronan lynch would do anything for gansey" claps slowly

* BONUS: "i probably would, too." thought blue

* matthew lynch was the only thing that made ronan come back himself

* niall left ronan (and only ronan) his entire property

* gansey shops when he's sad

* gansey and adam sharing a LOOK when orla comes in with skin showing

* blue had very few skin showing and gansey wanted to tell he how much he liked hers and not orlas, but then thinking "that's adam's job" what a bean

* how extra can ronan lynch get (a series): making a complete SCENE while opening his car door, sitting inside, closing the door, driving away

* gansey protesting so blue wouldnt go inside the water (bc baby boy probably couldnt handle blue seminaked) and using "you wont be able to see without your eyes getting irritated" as a point

* gansey getting all flustered and reminding himself he'd been looking at orla's naked body for so long but also: HER BIKINI IS SO ORANGE

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: laughing his ass off about ganseys reaction of orla and said orange bikini

* jealous little blue being furious at gansey for just looking at her

* ronan's pulse fastening when thinking about kavinsky

* ronan smiling to himself and only doing so because there was no one to see it

* noah and blue holding hands at monmouth when gansey and ronan arent there okay look at those two

* "sometimes i pretend im him" "which part?" "alive" PROTECT NOAH CZERNY

* when blue was laying on ganseys bed she though "i have a crush on richard gansey" and the following "i dont have a crush on adam parrish"

* okay but the whole kissing scene is adorably cute and the best part of tdt

* BLUE THINKING "oh, this is what i can't have"

* MATTHEW AND RONAN VISITING THE BARNS AND BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING ADORABLE WITH AURORA AND EACH OTHER

* ronan racing kavinsky and having so many mixed feelings

* adam feeling misplaced in DC and constantly thinking of this fathers abuse and I Cried

* adam and gansey fighting and uhhh sorry dick but DAMN adam

* ronan dreaming he's in kavinskys car and not knowing if he loved it or hated it

* blue's voice over the phone taking gansey's mind off the fight he had with adam

* gansey listing the things ronan is inside his mind so he would be angry at him

* "ronan had charm. it was just buried deep. very deep."

* blue fucking sargent being the badass feminist she is when it didnt occur to adam that maybe blue was into politics

* "you wouldnt have gone someplace without gansey. you two make a grand couple. kiss him!" blue giving zero fucks to adam being douchely sexist

* okay first fuck you adam idiot parrish: "nice blue, gansey was right. you are a raging feminist" FUCK YOU

* okay adam losing his temper and literally thinking of hitting blue this is a matter of EMERGENCY

* ADAM STOP BEING A DICK OH MY GOD HE ALMOST FORCED BLUE INTO KISSING HIM THIS ISNDHDJDHDHD

* like ok i get Mans had a rough past n that violence is the only thing he knows but stief what was ur POINT with this part

* adams enemy being his anger. someone protect him from himself

* when blue and gansey are talking in the pig about adam and ganseys just full of hatred towards adam's parents, "who has he ever had to love him? ever?"

* okay but richard campbell gansey the third is a complete and utter SUNSHINE: when he's overwhelmed by blue and gets out of the pig and starts pacing and then realizing it was rudeish and APOLOGIZING like a fucking KING

* lmao gansey saying "i think he should come to terms with his sexuality" at kavinsky gift to ronan.

* "he wondered if kavinsky was gay. he wondered if she should go to the fourth of july party. he wondered where adam had gone" someone just. keep ronan close and hydrated and healthy and LET HIM BE GAY AND REST

* okay but ronan thinks about kavinsky in a matter that is completely and utterly non platonic

* "the grey man gently threw ronan across the breakfast table" nice maggie

* prepare for dialogue:

"theres nothing here k."

"theres only us. i know what you are"

"thats not enough"

"dont say dick gansey man. hes never gonna be with you. and dont tell me you dont swing that way. im in your head"

"thats not what gansey is to me"

"you didnt say you didnt swing that way"

RONAN SAID, "no, i didnt" ..... gay bitch

* ronan calling adam "adam" when he thinks they're in a dream and just then realizing he isnt

* "i know it was you. the rent, i figured it out" adam parrish just slipping information at the WRONG time

* "he was a brother to a liar and a bother to an angel, son of a dream and son of a dreamer" still to this day the prettiest thing ever

* HIS SECOND SECRET WAS ADAM PARRISH

* "adam furrowed his brows to ronan, as if sensing ronan's eyes on him. ronan looked away"

* im shook this book is so good

#blue sargent #trc #the raven cycle #the dream thieves #bluensy #gansey #adam parrish #noah czerny #ronan lynch #pynch #richard gansey

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maiuoart · 6 years ago

Text

Depressed Human.

Today... Was a difficult day.

The whole day, you slumped with a large weight on your chest. It dragged you down, dragged you til you felt like crawling. But you continued onward, had to, needed to.

Today was a day you wish never came, but it came nonetheless. The amount of pain it produced caused your heart to cave into itself, your brain fogging with nonsense, and your ability to process anything dwindled to nothing.

You didn’t desire to talk to any of your friends, to do your hobbies, work even took a large tool on your shoulders. Though you could crack a genuine smile at your favorite pictures, it only lasted for seconds before you felt like breaking.

For once in your life, you didn’t have the Passion to hold anything. Forced your movements with a fake smile and hoping no one would ask about anything.

It was only until after you were face to face with a familiar tall Skeleton monster, did you feel your mask start to crumble.

“Hey, Russ... How’re you doin’?” Trying to muster as much cheer as you could, you smiled tiredly up at the being.

“s’good, jus’ headin’ out fer a bite...” He motioned in the direction with a soft grin on his fangs. “wanna join?”

Normally you would tag along, listen to his stories of whatever had happened during the day.

“No, thanks... Not into paying your tab for you.” You joked softly, forcing a soft chuckle out.

All you wanted to do was get into your comfortable bed, curl up with some music, maybe have a few drinks to swallow your pity, and sleep.

Russ simply stared at you with a quirked brow raised, a normal flirty smirk on his fangs absent as he narrowed his sights on you.

“ya sure, Darlin’? got a nice, silly story tha’ might make ya crack a perty smile.” He tried to bargain with you, a natural bribe that would work...

...If you hadn’t had just lost someone close to you.

“I’m sure, Russ... You tell the sweethearts I say hey, alright? I’m-... Just going to chill for a while.” You stuck your hands into your pockets with a grin you hoped was teasing. “Any new ladies there, you hit on them twice as hard so I can hear ‘em swoon from here, huh?”

Due to being in the relationship you were in, you had always found it absolutely hilarious that Papyrus, the Hounddog, could always talk his way into anyones lives. Flirtatious ways or not, he was a smooth talker.

It was more hilarious when his flirtatious ass got ahold of a very clingy fangirl... You’ve had to chase a few away for him, but he would never learn his lesson. Then it became a game, see how many he could get into a Fanclub about him at the bar...

To say that more than half the city was involved should say something.

With only knowing him for a few months, it was quite amazing how a Monster could do that. It never could work on you, you were as stubborn as a mule when it came to your relationship... Thankfully he backed off of you when telling him that, because he had became someone trustworthy to talk to when you had no one else... He was a good friend.

“oi, no promises... bu’ it’d be twice as good if ya had th’front row to it, huh? ‘sides, got th’whole silly shit on cam...” He took his phone out and wiggled it. “’n don’ say ‘send it’ to ya, cause i need, absolutely fuckin’ need, ta see tha’ face of yers in real time morph.”

“Another time, huh?” You smiled, feeling your heart give a hard stutter that time.

You were getting close before braking, you needed to get home.

Russ gave you a once over, before he gave you a pat on the top of your head.

“allright... bu’ ya need me, ‘m jus’ a call away, huh?”

“We’re neighbors, Russ... You’re more than a few feet away.” You huffed, amused.

Even if you were trying to hide your cracking voice behind what was left of your facade.

“fair ‘nough, Darlin’.” He shrugged. “catch ya later, huh?”

“Yeah. Later, Papyrus.”

You both walked opposite ways... Running in your case.

------------------------

It was about 9pm and you were nursing your second drink with your favorite soda and alcohol. You added extra, but the first one you skipped from buzzed to straight up tipsy.

Thats what you get for not eating...

Looking to your cell phone as you sat at your desk, you saw a few missed messaged. Grabbing the accursed item, turning it to silent, you tossed it to your bed with an annoyed huff. No one needed to know about you, no one needed to poke their nosey little noses into your world while you’re breaking!

You watched youtube, smiling and laughing at your favorite Let’s Players with their friends, watching adorable videos of random baby animals, and any other video that would take your mind off of anything.

The whole time, your face was red, wet, and eyes stung. By your third mix drink, you didn’t know if it was due to laughing so hard at someone tripping and falling down the stairs or you were legit crying at what today was.

After so long, after such a painful decision on your part; Your patiences had run thin, your heart broke for the last time, and the darkness in the room felt so ungodly welcoming; You were done.

You broke from the simplest thought; ‘I’ll never love again.’

You felt your chest shake with a sob as you felt the hole in your heart becoming larger.

A knock on your door made your uncontrollable fits of wheezing and sobbing quiet down, covering your mouth as to silence your lost self.

You were in an apartment... Perhaps you had become too loud? They would just simply say something off a warning, wouldn’t they?

...You don’t care.

Turning your laptop off, you crawled into your bed and covered up, leaving the rest of your mix abandoned. You’ll muffle your noises with the pillow from now, your heart pulsing in pain as you whimpered quietly under your sheets. Hoping to whatever Gods above the person would just talk and leave you alone.

When the knocking stopped, you gave a shaky sigh of relief. Grabbing your phone, you were determined to see what everyone wanted... But your mind was distorted, you could barely type in your passcode correctly.

...Maybe you made your mix drinks a bit too strong...

Never were a good drinker, anyways. The only reason was to allow yourself to focus on certain things, to relax after a hard day, or just purely to become silly. You were a good drunk, a silly drunk, kind that enjoyed to have fun.

It would only be if your mind went into the darkness that you could fall quickly to being a sad one... But you had a good control on your emotions.

Couldn’t down them like others you knew. Couldn’t still function like Papyrus when he could down about 10 strong monster ones.

That had to have been more magic... Could that liquid even effect him? Oh my god, what if he just pulled a show and had some sort of bucket or something inside his clothing to catch all the liquid!?

No wonder he could outdrink so many people! Had to be a cheater...

You found yourself chuckling at the memory, only to rub your eyes to dry them. Everything sucked... Why did you drink again? To swallow your pity? If anything, it was making you feel worse...

“Emotions suck, man...” You groaned into your pillow, hugging it hard as you tried to stop another onslaught of sobs from why you were drinking.

“i’d say, ya had me worried, Darlin’.” A husky voice startled you, making you yelp and jump.

Sitting up, your turned your head to view a fuzzy Papyrus standing in your room, wearing a black turtleneck with dark jeans, his chains jingling softly as he walked over.

“Paps-... Wha-” You narrowed your dizzy vision, the room spinning from getting up too fast.

“somethin’ was goin’ on outside, some rooms were kicked in. a bit of anti-monsta humans apparently rushed inta th’partment buildin’, lookin’ ta fight... uh, s’i called ya, hopin ya weren’t-... well, hurt.” He sat at the edge of the bed, his weight barely registering to you as you sat on your knees. “when ya didn’ answer, i uh-... heh, came as fast as i could...”

“Th’fuck... Hooman jerks?” You slurred. “I uh... Been in m’room th’ whole time, doode. Didn’t ‘ear nuthin’. Well, cept a few knockins’... bu’ they stopped.”

“yeah?... tha’s good.” He sighed, but looked confused about something.

Your eyes narrowed before you pointed accusingly at him, wanting to call him out on his drinking bullshit before you forgot!

“Cheat!”

Papyrus gave a disbelief look in his sockets as he watched your face, then huffed with amusement. “...you drunk, Kitten?”

Your cheeked puffed and you pointed right back at him again.

“Don’ change subject... Ya cheat!”

“okay, okay... th’fuck did i cheat in, Sugah?” He purred, poking your pointed finger with his own as his fangs turned upward in a smirk.

“Drinkin’, ya cheat everyone in drinkin’!...” You playfully swiped his hand away, your scowl quickly erased by your smile. “Bet ya had a bucket inside yer body t’catch the stuff, huh!?” Your eyes went down to his midsection, curious if you could get a hint of a form of a bucket or anything.

You slumped, not seeing one.

Papyrus began to laugh, his voice ringing like bells to your otherwise ringing head.

“oh, noooo... how’ja catch me? thou’t I had m’game all covered, not a lick spillin’ of m’secrets...” He cooed, leaning back on the bed with his smile.

“Just makes sense, I’m onta yooh!” You smiled cheekily, only to blink and rub your eyes, traces of wet tracks still on your face. “Fook, why you here ‘gain?”

Papyrus didn’t answer.

“Paps?”

“y’know... ya never call me Papyrus or Paps unless yer really under some type’a stress.”

You bit your lip, looking down at your pillow as a hand grabbed your blanket.

“S-...sowrries.” You grumbled, playing with your sheets. “T’day wasn’t good, didn’ want company...”

“mmm... welp...” His weight lifted from your bed, and you were hoping he would just do his disappearing act to leave you.

Leave, just like many others.

...Oh god, don’t you start-

He picked you up swiftly, bundling you up in your comforters as you squirmed to protest, but his arms were too quick for you to push off.

“H-heeeh?! P-Paps, th’fuck--” “yer adorable as fuck bein’ drunk, now i see why ya didn’ wanna try ta outdrink me, Darlin.” Papyrus gave you a mocked cradle rock, making you growl but it was lost to a soft laugh as his fingers wiggled into your side from the blanket, making you squeak from the sudden tickling. “such a babe.”

“I swears t’god, if ya weren’t m’friend, I would smack you!” You squirmed again, trying hard to undo the blasted blankets to make your point to free your arms.

“mmmmm... ya could try, bu’ ya couldn’ hit me, even if ya were sober.” He chuckled at your attempt, walking you out of your room and somewhere else. “‘sides, ya seem to be a bit-... bundled up, Kitten.”

“S’no fair! An’ s’no fair you can pick me up! I can pick ya up, too, y’know!” You began to succumb to his holdings, feeling oddly soft the more he held onto you.

“oh, m’so sure ya can... always an Alley cat, tryna prove yer point.” He once more gave you a rock. “bu’, lemme baby you a bit, huh?”

Your brows furrowed as you glanced at him. “Why? I ain’t blubberin’ er nuthin’...” You sulked into the cocoon blanket, forcing the blankets hood up over your head as you glared at him.

What was he up to?

“nah, thats where yer wrong.” He said, pointing at your chest with his free hand. “can hear yer fuckin’ Soul thrummin’ like a damn siren. if ya can gain my attention, then yer’ll gain otha’s. ‘n trust me, Kitten, a monsta would love ta fuckin’ eat ya up.” He sounded serious, dangerously so.

You stilled in his grasp, your eyes going wide.

“Y-you-... You gunna-” “ya want me ta?” Papyrus gave you a large cheshire grin, and your face instantly flushed more than any alcohol you drank during the night.

“i’d rather gobble ya up than hear some otha monsta did it... heh, ya jus’ too damn cute, Kitten.” He came close and nuzzled into your temple, hosting you up into his arms a bit tighter.

...You were trying so hard to bury your face into the blanket, trying to get away from his cooings and nuzzling, you just seemed to have become lost in a dark tunnel.

Only Papyrus deep chuckle made you peek from having your eyes closed shut tight.

“Kitten, i’m jus’ jokin’... c’mon, i’d rather beat th’fuckers up who try ta eat cha... i mean, yer taken, right? gotta protect-”

....Oh... That did it.

----------------

Papyrus had taken you to his own apartment, into his room as your sniffling was settling down. You hiccuped and managed to squirm your hands up and over your eyes, covering your face as you whimpered softly as you could, but no doubt looked a mess. You curled into the blanket harder as Papyrus seemed to have sat down, sitting you down in his lap.

His arms were wrapping around you securely, a boney hand coming up and gently running down your hair in a means to soothe you, his jaw against your head.

“oi, s’okay... i’m sorri’, Darlin’... i didn’t-” “N-no... S’okay, like ya knew, ya damn dork...” You choked, a dry laugh coming out as it was replaced by a hiccup. “... m’sorry”

“what’re ya sorri fer? th’fuck? nah, don’ say that.” He chided you gently, running his hands over your scalp. “ya wanna talk ‘bout it?”

Talking would feel good...

You leaned into his touch, his hold, curling up more as you hid your face down into his shoulder, a hand grabbing his sweater as you hiccuped once again.

“N-...no... Not now-” You whimpered as your chest gave another hard twist, making you twitch and push against him more.

God, it hurts... It hurts so much! Why?! Why does it-

“...ya were bonded, Kitten...”

That made you come out of your thoughts. Scrunching up your face, you looked up to Papyrus. “Bonded?... Like-... Like Soul bond?”

“yup... ya were Soulbonded ta yer-... well. ta ‘em.”

“...But-... How? We weren’t-” “Soulbonded is different than yer regula human customs.” Papyrus tucked your hair behind your ear, leaning back as he rubbed soothing circles on your back.

“when ya Soulbond, it’s-... it’s confusin’ really... plenty of different types, lemme say... bu’ wha’ yer dealin’ wit’-... it’s a type dealin’ wit’ Mates, the best kinds. if ya feelin’ strong feelin’s fer one ‘notha, ya can create a Soulbond, even if ya were far away from th’otha.” He softly sighs, digging into his pocket for a smoke. “it jus’ takes one visit, fuck; one phone call, ta cause yerself ta Soulbond wit’ ‘notha human... s’easy, unlike wha’ monsta’s gotta do.”

After lighting it up and taking a drag, he continued. “Soulbond fer any of ‘em hurts, bu’ what really hurts is when ya separate th’metaphorical string tha’ ties a couple together. siblin’ bonds can be tied, broken, and retied like how Sans ‘n i have... cause we’re stuck wit’ one anotha, we’ll always care fer th’otha. bu’ Mates?... oi, tha’ shit can be dangerous.”

“...Dangerous?” You parroted.

“mhm... when ya love someone, truly adore someone, yer tied. bu’, if they don’ love ya back or someone cuts th’strings, it can hurt so bad, some monsta’s have Fallen Down from it.” He took another deep inhale of his smoke, blowing it out as it danced and took your attention with some more than questionable cloud shapes.

As if they were beginning to tell a story within the smoke.

“ya see... i neva tried any deeper fer ya cause i could see how thick yer string was wrapped wit’ someone else’s was. s’was tied, like a lil’ ribbon wit’ a bow. whoever ya loved had loved ya back jus’ as much... them strings, there?” He pointed to the colorful threads beginning to form. “when their a certain type of thickness, they can be pretty hard ta break. so, th’thicker th’connection, the harder it is fer someone t’come along ‘n break it.”

You choked on a sob when images danced in the smoke, imagines you knew that were you and the one you broke up with, the beautiful strings of both color traits entangling the other almost lovingly.

“means tha’ ya both protect th’otha. when a monsta sees that, pretty much ya ain’ gunna be fucked wit’. our kind respects such a sight, ‘n it kinda makes more than some of us sick ta our Souls. s’was rare in th’Underground... thou’, wit’cha hurtin’ and yer Soul wailin’ as it is, wit’ the string cut ‘n th’Mates string slowly evaporating... well, yer gunna be attractin’ a lot of attention.”

The smoke began to darken, lighter orbs of pairs shown up in the darkness surrounding the two, looking as if they were eyes staring as the two figures separated. Your jaw was clenching, and your heart was wailing to not leave the other.

But it was already going, already done, the strings between the two dissolving as if a bridge was being burned between the two.

“a monsta is made up of Love, Hope, n’ Compassion.” Papyrus waved a bony hand through the smoke, separating one of the figures and waving the other side away. “bu’ the problem wit’ us is tha’ we’ve turned... we’re corrupted, so we got a few screws loose... n’ when a Soul is wailin’, it makes a creature-... well, thirst fer th’ corruption of ones Soul. we desire ta take ahold of it, cause it’s in a vulnerable state of mind tha’ some can’t help but-”

Papyrus’ hand began to curl around the now curled figure, who seemed to be sobbing on the ground, his finger traced over the silhouette and you felt your whole back shutter with something unknown.

“-want ‘em fer their own.”

Once his hand came around, you suppressed a yelp as it felt your whole body was feeling as if it was being wrapped around. Your heart was stuttering in your chest, your glare moved to Papyrus who was looking at the smoke with an unreadable emotion.

“...they’ll come ‘n ‘gobble ya up’... y’know what i’m sayin’?” His expression softened as he turned his face down to you, the feeling of being squeezed left as his hand rested on your knees.

You could feel yourself shake under the blankets, new sets of tears on their way as you tried to process what he was saying.

“So... Vulnerable Souls attract-... Monsters, cause they like the Lost?...” Your shaking was speeding up, gulping thickly. “Th-they-”

“whoa, whoa.. calm down, Darlin’. i ain’ gunna hurt’cha.” He chuckled softly, the noise helping ease you.

But not entirely.

“yah, monsta’s will come ‘n try ta gain ya under their arms. they crave that, ‘n some will hurt th’humans worse afta they get what they want, maybe do it ta keep ‘em. bu’ some...”

Papyrus began to undo the blanket from your shoulder, shifting you to sit up right as the blanket fell from your shoulders. He cupped your tear tracked face, looking into your eyes with such intensity that it made you forget your heart turning in pain for a moment.

“some of us... wanna heal more than harm...” He softly whispered, bring you into him softly. “not all monsta’s are crazy... i gotta say some would wanna cage ya up, trap ya in their area, go fuckin’ psycho... bu’, i’d rather... heal ya, Angel.” He softly breathed against your lips, his thumb brushing against your cheek as it wiped away some tears in its wake.

“B-but... That-... Heal how?...” You managed to ask, pulling away slightly as he tried to lean more into you.

Papyrus’ eyes flashed with something that was too quick for you to catch, but his hand came down and gently hovered over your chest, where your heart was twisting with pain and felt as if it would explode.

“heal... yer Soul tha’s singin’ such a sad, sad song, Angel... ‘n out of all th’ monsta’s from Underground... i’m th’one ya need ta help heal ya th’best...” He purred softly.

You squirmed a bit, trying to pull the blanket back up, but his other hand rested gently on your side, a soft shutter rolling through your body as a gentle pulse of heat began to cover your body.

...You didn’t realize you were sighing in relief as Papyrus pressed his bony palm against your heart. The warmth surrounded you like a blanket, what felt like flames nipping the bottom of your heart was racing away the harmful knives, making you take a deeper breath.

“O-oh... Lord, Russ?...” You tried, bringing your hand up and gently grabbing ahold of his wrist. “R-russ, what’re-”

“ya feel th’heat, Darlin’?...” When did his skull get beside your ear? “tha’s jus’ how m’magic is... allow it ta wrap ya up, i gotcha... s’allright...” He was talking so gently...

You felt your mind becoming foggy, your body relaxing back into that hold of his that was becoming a quick comfort.

Nuzzling into his vertebrae, you sighed in relief once more as you felt his overwhelming magic softly enwrap you more... And more... It was becoming too warm, but for right now-...

You didn’t care.

He was making your heart stop hurting, could feel some sort of humming coming from the contact of his bones that synced with his magic pulsing through you like harmony. It was beautiful, could feel every single part of your body that had the slightest bit of pain, throb ever so slightly before it vanished under his touch.

Then, you felt tired.

So tired.

You drifted off in the comforts of bones, clinging onto him like a lifeline.

-------------------

The next day, you woke up in the same bony arms wrapped securely around you. You were in a different room, the curtains were blacked out as you shifted. Your head didn’t even hurt from what you drank, and you glanced down to your chest where you felt a weight.

A smile escaped your lips as Papyrus was laying right on top of you, his skull rested just above your heart. It had a small stifle of pain, but it was quickly chased away by something warm...

It was chased away with Russ’ magic.

Gently, you rubbed his skull. He moved a bit, but otherwise stayed fast asleep on you. You gave a soft chuckle and decided to fall back to sleep with him.

Today... Was going to be a better day.

Couldn’t wait to see what Russ wanted to show you, either.

#Self insert #Depressive story #Swapfell Papyrus #A friend in need #A friend indeed #Soulbonding explaination #...Hm #A bit yAnDeRe there Russ?#Nah not even #...Maybe #Lolol #I just wanted to feel soft and needed a possessive take on it #I really wonder what Russ had on his phone #Probably something from doing Truth or Dares ;)#Happy ending #...Did you get Soulbonded to Russ?#Quite possibly #And tbh i would be okay with that #A fucking rebound story ftw

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mrvelesbian · 6 years ago

Text

Ineffable

(Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

Trigger warnings: mentions of suicide (not graphic and they’re also marked in the story), grief(?), people being very sad, death

Authors Note: This is my first time writing for any marvel character so I apologize if they’re ooc! This fic does deal with some heavy topics but I tried to keep it manageable? Feedback is always appreciated❤

word count: 4.601

in·ef·fa·ble

/inˈefəb(ə)l/

adjective

too great to be expressed or described in words.

You remember the day of the snap. You were rushing around your offices in DC frantically trying to get in touch with other diplomats to do anything- absolutely anything- to curb the chaos erupting across the globe.

"Richards!" You yelled, waving the stout man into your office. Richards was by far your favorite intern in the office, and the most competent. "I need the delegation from France on the phone as soon as humanly possible they're the last European country we need to talk to." Your colleague furiously scribbled on his notepad and nodded.

"What do you want me to relay to-" he began to ask.

"Finish your damn sentence Richards I'm on a tight schedule here" you said, exasperation obvious in your tone. When he didn't reply you peered up to see what had interrupted him.

Whatever you expected to see, nothing would have prepared you for the reality of what you saw. Richards face was beginning to crumble away like dust. The right side of his face was gone and his left eye was moving frantically as he shook his disintegrating hands like he was trying to get a bug off.

"Jesus Christ!" You exclaimed. You rushed over to him from behind your desk only to turn your attention to screams from outside your door. In the second you tore your eyes away from Richards he had completely disintegrated. Only a his notebook and pen remained. You threw the door open with the intention of getting help.

The hallway was in disarray, miscellaneous items strewn across the floor and people crying loudly. Not finding anyone in their right mind to help you, you moved towards the end of the hallway. You pushed your way through the crowd gathered around the small television and to your horror you saw two reporters scrambling to hold up a third who was dissolving just as Richards had minutes ago.

Suddenly you realized what was happening. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck" you rushed towards the stairs, pulling out your cellphone at the same time.

The snap.

It was a hypothetical situation brought up to you by Tony Stark in a debriefing with him a few weeks ago. An apocalyptic scenario. The worst possible outcome of whatever showdown was happening between Thanos and the avengers right now.

"Come on come on come on Maria pick up please" you pleaded to nobody. Your girlfriend's phone rang once, twice, three times before it went to voice mail. It's okay. Don't jump to conclusions. You told yourself. Instead of breaking down like you wanted to, you ran down into the main lobby and went out to the front of the building.

"Take me to the avengers headquarters" you barked at the driver in the car parked at the doors. "Ma'am that area is off lim-" he tried to reason with you. You knew you were being a bit of an asshole but you couldn't bring yourself to care. "I don't give a damn sir. You will take me there now or I swear to god-" you didn't get to finish the sentence before an agent came up behind you and put their hand on your shoulder. You shook his hand off and whipped around, a scowl already painted on your face.

"Excuse me miss? I've been sent by Ms.Carter, you're needed at headquarters immediately"

The ride to the avengers headquarters was a blur. The agents had tried to make small talk with you at first but the pitying look in their eyes told you everything you needed to know. She was gone. Maria Hill was dead.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

°°°

Later that day Natasha and the rest of the avengers along with a few Wakandans stumbled into the conference room occupied by yourself, Sharon Carter, and two other agents you didn't bother to remember the names of. The second she was in the door she rushed over to embrace you. Her hair was caked with blood and she smelled of dirt but you clung onto her all the same. A sob broke from your chest, the first since you had found out the news.

"Oh baby it's okay I'm okay I'm safe we're gonna be okay" Natasha tried to reassure you. You shook your head into her chest, unable to articulate what you wanted to say. She put her hand under your chin and lifted your head so she could meet your eyes. Finally the words fell from your lips. "Maria Hill is dead."

Natasha stopped cold. Any hint of a smile disappeared from her face and her hands dropped to her sides. A chill had set over the entire room.

°°°

Nothing was ever the same. Sure you and Natasha still came home to the same apartment every night, still cooked in the same kitchen, still sat on the same couch, still fell into the same bed, but nothing was the same.

You had forgotten how to cook for two people. An extra serving of dinner always sat in the bottom of pan, mocking you and making you lose all appetite. Maria's keys sat in the same spot that they always had, her favorite jacket hung on the coat rack. Her bright orange toothbrush sat on the counter gathering dust.

You and Natasha clung together at night as if you were trying to keep each other from falling apart. Some nights the two of you just cried until all the water was gone from your bodies. Everything in your life seemed to be cracking at the seams, because how the hell could it not when only half of your heart was home.

Things at the avengers headquarters were hectic as they always had been, except this time the responsibility of keeping the universe afloat fell onto Natasha. Tony had immediately retreated upstate, Steve was across the country raising morale as best as he could, Clint was an international criminal, and Bruce refused to step foot in the facility. Every night Natasha came home with a folder bursting with paperwork to add to her stack on the dining table.

At your job things weren't much better. The secretary of state along with half of your department was gone and with the current state of affairs you needed every person available. The international community was in shambles, England had to elect a new PM, several oil crisises had begun in the middle east and in Asia the lack of labor forces had caused economies to plummet. Begrudgingly, you had accepted more influence in the government and by now you were unofficially running the state department.

Somehow you and Natasha had managed to find the time to establish an orphanage in the city for kids effected by the snap. The organization was a sliver of humanity in the consuming depression the world was in. The kids there made you feel like maybe things would turn out okay somehow.

You had named it the Hill house after her. Natasha had chuckled when you suggested it, obviously understanding the historical irony. "Maria would've been so embarrassed to have something named after her, she was too humble for her own good." She smiled briefly at the thought of the brunettes inevitable bashfulness.

°°°

Years had passed and things hadn't gotten any easier. You and Natasha had made it through, both for each other and for Maria's sake. Every fight between the two of you had ended with tears and apologies and thoughts of how angry Maria would be if you two drove the other away.

You'd officially been named secretary of state despite your numerous protests. The government had attempted to name Nat head of the avengers initiative, but she had immediately refused the title of director. "That's fury's job he'll be so pissed when he comes back and I'm in it" she said. Nobody refuted her assumption that there was even a way to bring Fury, to bring anyone, back.

As the days passed you and Natasha worked, came home, and slept. Things had fallen into a sort of sick routine.

Then Scott Lang showed up outside the avengers complex and everything changed. Suddenly Natasha was talking about time travel and something called the "quantum realm." She had tried to explain, the infinity stones were dust in our time line so they had to go into others to retrieve them. But in all honestly the theories seemed absurd at best to you.

You had gotten into an argument with her about it. How were you supposed to let her leave you as well? When there was a more than real possibility she wouldn't come back.

Vormir. Thats where her mission was. It was supposed to take something like a second in your time until she was back. She promised she'd be back. She'd held your face in her hands and vowed not to leave you all alone in the world.

But promises cant always be kept.

"Where's Nat?" Was the only thing that came out of your mouth when the avengers reappeared. You counted them quickly, hoping you'd just missed her. When she still wasn't there, you looked to Clint. "Where is she?"

Clint stared back at you with sad eyes. He looked like a man who had seen too much, experienced too much to ever live normally again.

"One of us had to die and she-" the rest of Clint's words turned to white noise. Dead. One of them had to die. Natasha had to die.

The world became a blur. Everything was too suffocating and nothing at the same time. You must have been screaming but you couldn't hear a sound. You felt strong arms wrap around you seconds later and hold you tight even as you thrashed about. You felt sorry for whoever was hugging you because you were sure you'd punched them in the chest more than once.

Natasha Romanoff is dead.

°°°

Coping is not the correct word for how you lived. You did not cope. How could you have? First you had lost Maria, nearly five years ago, without a goodbye. Now you'd lost Nat.

They were the things that brought light into your life. Maria's terrible dad jokes and Natasha's loud laugh rung in your ears when you laid in bed at night. If you concentrated hard enough you could nearly remember how it felt to be sandwiched between the two of them. Maria's arm around your waist and Natasha's head in the crook of your neck. Or your legs wrapped around Maria's waist and Natasha's hands running along your back. You could almost smell their perfumes when you walked in the bathroom. But everything was just out of reach. Your memories haunted you more than any ghost could have.

They were dead. Natasha Romanoff was dead. Maria Hill was dead.

You barely ate, you barely slept, your house looked unlived in because you spent as long as possible in the office every day. It was only when your interns shoved you into a company car at 2 am that you finally went home.

The woman who you saw in the mirror looked nothing like yourself. She had your nose and your lips but her eyes were dead and her cheeks were hollow.

Steve tried to come around and get you to talk, as did Tony and Pepper but nobody made any progress. Even Sharon, your best friend, couldn't break through to you. She got further than everyone else by getting you to eat, but getting you to talk was impossible.

°°°

"Get some fucking sleep for the love of god" Sharon sighed as she pushed you into the apartment at 2 am yet again. You mumbled a weak "okay" and closed the door. The picture hanging in the hallway mocked you. It was of you, Maria and Natasha on the couch. You were spread across both of their laps and Natasha's head was laying on Maria's shoulder, all of you asleep. You remembered Natasha punching Tony in the arm when she found out he took it, but she had hung it up all the same.

Without shedding so much as your belt you walked into your room fell onto your king size bed. The room was absolutely silent. You hated it.

"If we're all going to be sleeping in one bed there's no way in hell it's gonna be a queen" Maria insisted, pointing at the mattress next to her. "Natasha spreads out so much she could probably take up a queen by herself." Natasha shoved Maria's shoulder at her comment but the large grin threatened to break onto her face gave her true emotions away.

You curled up in the middle of the mattress, refusing to push into what would be Maria's spot on the right of you, or Nat's on your left. The bed felt suffocatingly large now.

When you awoke from your third nightmare that night nobody was there to hold you to their chest. You bolted from the bed into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. Tears sprung up in your eyes and you collapsed on the floor, utterly defeated.

"Wake up honey come on everything is okay you're safe don't worry" Natasha's smooth voice washed over you as you were pulled out of your sleep. You were drenched in sweat and your heart was beating a mile a minute. "I was in Baghdad again" you mumbled out. Maria hummed understandingly and rubbed your back. "Nobody is going to hurt you again baby not while we're here"

You no longer dreamt of bombings at embassies and guns pointed in your face. Instead you saw Richards drift away before your eyes. Heard Maria's voice calling out to you desperately. Felt Natasha's hand slip from yours as she fell off the cliff.

You couldn't take it anymore. You were exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. You didn't want to do anything, you didn't want to talk to anyone, you didn't want to be alive anymore.

°°°

TRIGGER WARNING**

The wind whipped through your hair as you stared down the side of the 27 story building. Cars looked like little toys from this height and it was almost humorous to hear the honks and yells from tiny cab drivers. You faced upwards for a moment, letting the morning sun soak into your skin.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" Sharon Carter threw open the door to the roof entrance. How did she get up here? How did she even find you.

"Do not do this. Please don't." She repeated, trying to keep her voice steady.

Something inside you snapped at her words.

"Don't even try to talk me down Sharon. Don't say people need me. I know that people need me Sharon I know that. I know that practically the entire state department is riding on my shoulders. I know that there are 150 million people left in the US who are looking for something, anything to show them that its gonna be okay but Sharon, and I know this is selfish, but what about me! Sharon what about me. I am so tired, so fucking tired of being selfless. Maria is gone. Natasha is gone. And I know there's something worth living for I know that you love me and Tony loves me and Pepper but god fucking damn it Sharon it's not enough." Your voice cracked several times through your tears.

"I hate myself because I don't care that half the world is dead, I care that they're dead. I watched people fall apart right in front of me why the hell didn't I go with them" you let all the rage, the sadness, the despair in your body explode through your chest.

You could see Sharon's eyes threatening to let the tears in them spill over onto her cheeks. It was obvious she felt utterly helpless in this situation.

"What if she comes back and you're not here." Sharon said, just loud enough for you to hear her.

"Don't. Say that" you tried to breathe somewhat regularly.

"There's a chance. Even if it's the smallest one, this would take away your chance of seeing them again."

Images flashed through your mind of Maria and Natasha huddled together in your bed, trying not to say anything about the hole in the middle of them; Maria and Nat placing white and blue flowers on your grave; Maria and Nat rushing into your apartment to greet you only to see Sharon, ready to deliver the worst news they could receive. Even if there was a .0001% chance they would come back you couldn't force them to grieve for you as well.

An even louder sob spilled from your lips. You screamed out into the sky like you were being torn apart, but when Sharon pulled on your waist you let yourself fall back into her arms and cling onto her neck. You could feel her body shaking with sobs as well. She slowly sat down in the middle of the roof, rocking you back and forth.

"Sharon" you mumbled into her jacket.

"Sharon it hurts" you cried. "It hurts so bad" Sharon only nodded and pressed her lips to your head, your hair muffling her sobs.

"I know"

°°°

The final battle was worse than you could have ever imagined. Footage from the city showed the destruction that leveled large portions of the harbor and financial district. Blood was splattered on the concrete, painting it red and bodies littered the streets. Thankfully you had heeded Steve's warning and ordered an emergency evacuation nearly a week ago.

You watched nervously as the battle raged on, seeing some of your closest friends fall to their knees.

Then the first portal opened.

The battlefield was suddenly bathed in yellow light and a figure walked out. Slowly you recognized them: the Wakandan king and his sister. More appeared. Scarlet witch, Quill, Mantis, Steven Strange, Peter, and Valkyrie all appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

The snap was being reversed.

"Giles!" You barked at the intern sitting next to you. "You are to monitor this screen and nothing else until the battle ends. I want updates every 10 minutes and a call if anything significant happens. Now I must go"

You rushed down the stairs and into the parking lot. A quick call was made and within minutes you were in a helicopter headed to New York.

°°°

As soon as you landed on the Avengers' building's helipad you were scrambling to get off and into the head quarters. You sprinted down the stairs to the 17th floor labeled 'special forces and directors office.' It seemed the most likely place that Maria would be. If she was alive.

You pushed open the double doors to the main hallway and there she was, exactly how she'd been 5 years ago. "Maria!" You yelled, flinging yourself on her the second she turned around. You sobbed into her shoulder and gripped her coat like a life line.

"Maria I can't believe you're here. You're really here right? This isn't some sick joke?"

"It's really me" Maria smiled. "You look like shit what happened" she brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear. "Maria I- you left me" you said between tears. "What?" She whispered.

"You've been gone for five years Maria"

°°°

The battle was over. Tony was dead. He died a hero, the man he always had been deep down. Your heart broke for Pepper, who had lost the love of her life, and for Morgan who would grow up without him.

The first thing Maria asked when the avengers began to gather back at shield was where Natasha was. You nearly started crying again. "Oh Maria.... I" you couldn't bare to say it. "I am so sorry I am so so sorry she-"

Steve finished your sentence for you, his voice colder than you’d ever heard it, "Natasha is dead."

°°°

Maria grieved almost exactly as Natasha had. She threw herself into work, focusing most of her time on catching up on the 5 years she missed. She moved back into your apartment, a place you hadn't slept in in almost 2 months. Ever since your incident Sharon had essentially held you hostage in her house, only letting you leave by yourself for work.

The universe really was fucked up. You thought to yourself. The thing you'd been wishing for since the snap had come true. Maria Hill was home, the other half of your heart. Her muscular arms wrapped around you at night and her brunette hair tickled your nose when you hugged her. But Natasha left to make sure Maria could return. Your heart was still broken. Still incomplete.

Now it was Maria that needed to be held together. You knew how to hold her carefully so she wouldn't break because by now you were somewhat of an expert on grieving the deaths of your lovers.

That doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell to see Natasha's leather jacket sit unused on her hook. To see her red toothbrush on the corner of the counter. To feel her side of the bed cold and empty. But somehow you were going to have to live with that.

°°°

It was a Monday morning when Maria got the call.

"Hill speaking" she said in her stern tone. "Hi Bruce." She spoke curtly, but with a warmer tone at the man's voice.

"Why do I need to get down there on a Monday morning, my day off my I remind you" Maria sounded slightly annoyed at whatever the doctor had suggested.

"I-" she sat up suddenly. "I'll be right there. Yes I'm bringing her. Okay goodbye" Maria hung up and swung her legs out of the bed.

"We need to go to Avengers headquarters now. There's something going on with the mission" Maria said as she tugged on a pair of jeans and a tshirt.

°°°

You sat anxiously next to Maria at the edge of the forest. Steve was due to come back 2 minutes ago but apparently an unannounced change had been made in the plans.

"Someone's coming through Scott throw the breaker quickly!" Bruce shouted.

A loud buzzing filled the clearing before a small figure appeared on the platform before them. But it was not Steve. No this person was much shorter, and her long red hair faded into blonde-

"Natasha?" You said, incredulously. The redhead turned around. She immediately sprinted towards the two of you and pulled you both into a tight embrace. "I thought I'd never see you again" she mumbled into your shoulder. "Either of you."

°°°

All three spots in the king bed were full again. No toothbrushes were left on the counter, no jackets hung limply on hooks. The house had life breathed into it again, but something was off.

Of course it would take time to heal from the trauma you went through. It was not easy by any means. You wanted to be happy and back to normal the second your home was alive again but a terrible voice in the back of your head reminded you that they could leave again. You could end up alone again.

You had nightmares nearly every night. Images of your girlfriends dead or dying plagued your unconscious mind. Maria and Natasha held you close and comforted you after every single one; They let you cry silently into their chests, not saying a word about your dreams, but silently they worried about you.

°°°

"Hey Maria?" Sharon stuck her head in the assistant director's office "can I talk to you?" Maria nodded and gestured towards the chair across from her. It was clear that Sharon was nervous by the way that she picked at the leather chair's arm.

"Listen Maria.... I don't know how to say this but when you and Nat were gone some things happened with y/n" Maria's brow immediately furrowed. You hadn't mentioned anything happening in the few months you were alone. "What kinds of things?" She questioned further.

"I'm not at liberty to say, especially not without y/n's permission....you have to ask her yourself." Sharon let out a deep breath. "But please tread carefully, she might seem okay but you and Natasha know just as well as I do that she's not." Sharon pulled herself up from her chair and patted Maria's hand before leaving the office.

°°°

TRIGGER WARNING**

"Y/n? Are you home yet?" Maria called into the apartment. "Yep I'm in the living room!" You replied.

"Hey babe" you smiled at Maria when she walked in. Natasha smiled from her spot next to you where she was sitting, a book in hand.

"Can I ask you something? About when Nat and I were gone." Maria made her way to the spot on your other side and sat down.

"Oh..." You stiffened. Shit. "Yeah of course" Natasha set her book down and turned to look at you as well.

"Sharon mentioned today that something happened in the few months that you were alone... What was it?" Maria continued.

You drew a shaky breath. It was better to just tell them than to lie. "FRIDAY can you pull up my medical records please?" You asked the robot. "Of course miss" they replied, opening the files on your tablet.

"You remember how I told you tony had installed FRIDAY in here when I was alone to check on me?" Your girlfriends nodded. "There's more to the story than just that" you whispered.

You set the tablet down on the table. "He was worried about me after I....." You gestured at the tablet.

Natasha and Maria both leaned closer to read the information on the device. "Checked into GWU hospital on April 3rd for...suicide watch?" Natasha turned to you, clearly shocked.

You hung your head in shame. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." A tear fell from your eyes. "After you both left... I didn't cope. I fell into a hole and I didn't want to get out. I was so depressed and alone." You drew in a shaky breath. "I know it's stupid and I'm not proud to admit it but-"

Natasha pulled you into her chest. "I love you so much and I am so sorry you had to go through that. All of that"

Maria stared dumbly at the tablet. Tears were beginning to pool in her blue eyes. You turned to look at her "Maria I-"

She cut you off with a kiss. Her hands came up to stroke your cheek. "You are so strong. So unbelievably strong y/n. There is nothing in the whole fucking universe that could tear us away from you again."

°°°

Slowly things returned to normal. All three of your jackets were strewn across the house, the smell of home cooked dinner hung in the air every night, and you, Natasha and Maria fell into bed together as if no time at all had passed. Laughter rang through the halls and naps on the couch became a common place as they always had been. Some nights were spent cuddled in bed while others were spent with your legs around Maria's waist with Natasha's lips on your sensitive neck.

Life was still hectic and it always would be. Maria was still fury's second in command, Natasha was still an avenger (even if she had been taken off the front lines of duty) and you were secretary of state. But none of that mattered because everyone was home.

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