#i dont think ill be able to draw something for end of year

[potahun]

Pota's ✨Art Summary for 2024✨! i'm happy that I got to do a lot more than last year, and this year, it's mostly been detco!

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[tsuki--sora]

helloo i was wondering if u have any tips on how to start learning how to draw?? i’m gonna try it for the nth time and force myself to not give up and since i absolutely LOVE ur art i was hoping you could help me?? thank you in advance and have a happy new year 🥰

omggg i just saw this :O!! i havent been around here so i didnt see :C but anyway!!! im not sure what advice or tips to give tbh so ill just share some things that helped me 🙇

knowing what im drawing (basically...using reference lol ) u might've seen this tip a lot but its true 😆 think of it as like... training wheels on a bike AHSAHSAHHA u use training wheels for some time until u can be good enough to ride a bike without them or something like that.... its the same with using reference. u have to know and get familiar with what an object looks like first before you're able to draw without it and with confidence. tbh i dont always do this bcos sometimes i just wanna mindlessly draw ykno 😔 and thats okay as well!!! just remember that reference is very helpful when u hit a dead end with ur artwork :D also learn from real life!! look around u! sometimes id stare at something and nod in understanding. ----------------------------------

draw what u love <33 honestly, i only got back into drawing when i went down the vtuber hole a few years ago LMAO i would draw vox akuma eveyday 🙂‍↕️ and then my love for one piece got revived so now i draw my favorite characters every chance i can get bcos its all i can think abt!!! its honestly a good motivator. ----------------------------------

accepting and learning from mistakes ive always struggled with perfectionism and that really took my enjoyment and love for creating🥹 and that also stopped me from experimenting and exploring coz id always think that it wont come out as i hoped it would. SOOOO for the past 2-3 years i think?? i make it a habit to STOP ✋ being super critical when i see or make a mistake. the perspective is wrong? noted. the anatomy looks wonky? okay!! i let them exist in my artworks bcos how would i even know where to improve in if i dont know what it is 😅 i also make sure to keep those errors in mind so i know what areas i should be working on. u can always correct them on ur next work!! and the next!! again and again!!! its never-ending! ure always improving, always learning. ---------------------------------

i also have a board of artworks and styles that i really really like and i look at them when i need inspiration hahaha sometimes u just have to scroll thru pinterest for hours and draw nothing lol

personally, i think one doesnt have to draw everyday to be good. i mean, you can if u want to! but u might burn out fast if u force urself to draw everyday. just.. pace yourself. remember to rest and be good to yourself as well :))

thats all i can think of right now. i feel like i could share more but im just not good with words or explaining things. forgive me 😔🙇 our experiences may differ and what helped me may not be of use to u,,, but i hope this can help u even juuuuust a bit :"D be proud of every piece u make. u worked hard on it after all <33

(also sharing my art throughout the years!)

[purpletyrant]

waking from torpor

redraw of a concept ive done twice already. i think this will be my last finished piece of the year :)

ive mentioned before that the decades long torpor orchidee experiences is the result of her fucking up a drought tyche taught her to make. its not really something meant for unicorns to imbibe, and she gets the measurements wrong because shes… bad at a lot of things. so, being in a state of suspended animation paired with hunkering down in a spot already full of the dead allows her to avoid the stampede as it happens. i think its funny to imagine her buttoning herself into her little nightgown, saying "well when i wake up in a week or so eubora will be gone home and ill be able to save cybele properly this time," and instead she sleeps through a mass death event that takes place the next morning. and then keeps sleeping. you could argue that the stampede also affected how long she stayed asleep

i have some thoughts about why it is that her living space didnt become EXTREMELY decroded while she slept. i want to say that as a unicorn she kinda kept the living area around her "fresh" by virtue of unicorns keeping dead things alive. maybe its a matter of deciding how storybook i want my unicorns to be. the hardiness of unicorns is perhaps why her physique changes so dramatically to keep from wasting away. taking on ambient magic or energy from the air to sustain herself. like a bear in hibernation, i guess. and then she just maintains that weight after she wakes up. that explanation needs work if i dont want it to be corny

how does orchidee react when she wakes up? with the franticness of someone who realizes theyre late for work. she immediately sets about tidying the house and clearing it of creepy-crawlies, dirt, and leaf litter. the book in her storage chest reminds her what her name is, and by the days end (or weeks end) shes sheared her hair short to keep it out of her way. she has no curiosity about how she ended up there, where her scars came from, and why no one else seems to inhabit the forest. her attitude is, "fuck, i fell asleep and my house got fucked up. time to fix it. god damn it." shes a very willfully ignorant and uncurious girl post-torpor

drawing this made me realize its time to draw the outside and inside of orchidees hut, immediate yard, and root cellar. its on my to-do list after her new ref is done, and then i got some anime fanart i want to work on as well… see you in 2025!

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[ereyies]

i love your of mice and men oc. let me tell you i was scrolling thru the omam tag after reading that book for class because GOSH that ending destroyed me. bronwyn is so cute!!! and i love the ideas you have for her character and how she’d add onto the book. is there any more of your character that u thought of?? i’d love it hear it! ur art is stunning btw!!!

artists and writers are the backbone of dead fandoms. but i dont know if you could even call this fandom dead cuz i dont think it even had a life 💀

THANK YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH!!

this means the entire world to me you have no idea just how touched i am that you love my oc 💖 💖!! be VERY careful going through the of mice and men tag because unfortunately there are a LOT of nsfw bots!!

as for anything else relating to Bronwyn and her character, I don't have much else written/in mind other than that I have already shared other than maybe two things (copied and pasted from a document i made just to keep track of her lore):

Candy and Bronwyn probably wouldn't be close despite Candy having worked at the ranch for years. Not because of anything bad that happened between them, however I imagine that Candy was initially the main contributor to all the gossip said about her on the ranch and later on he learned she wasn't a bad person at all and just a lonely ill child, but by that point he had both immortalised her as a legend but condemned her from ever making real connections with people again. Knowing what he started and how he unintentionally isolated her and prevented her from being easily able to make friends with people on the ranch, the guilt would probably prevent him from forming any close connections with her.

I feel like if she were actually a character within the novel, her presence within the story would be similar to Andrey Bolkonsky in the musical Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 (brilliant but strange musical btw, if you're interested in musicals it's definitely worth a listen!!). She is this looming presence amongst all the characters, always being mentioned in passing during conversation, this figure that everyone is aware of yet never sees, never actually being present in person up until the very end.

Candy would probably be the reader's introduction to Bronwyn, since Candy is a known gossiper. She'd be this influence in the story but is never truly there. I'm not too sure how she'd be important if that were the case though? Perhaps she'd be a figure symbolic of a 'point of no return' for all the characters. They all have a dream that isn't totally impossible which they come very close to achieving, and could very well leave their situation, but Bronwyn never had a chance and can never truly escape, locked up just to be forgotten about. Maybe she'd be a warning of the terrible fate which Lennie would have faced if he had lived and been institutionalised.

ANYWAYS moving past all of that; i have only made very few drawings of Bronwyn since my last post talking about her (admittedly due to extreme art block). But I’ve mostly been brainstorming about Curley and Bronwyn, the similarities and differences between them, mostly differences. Here is some of my recent art:

I always love experimenting and playing around with my style, trying out new brushes, techniques and colours <33 The last isn’t exactly my favourite mostly because i was just getting a feel for how to draw Curley and had little to no references for the pose and so it looks a little stiff. But!! I made many notes for my ideas while I was doing the sketch:

Thank you once more for your ask!! It means the world to me <33 I was so embarrassed when I first made her and feared being called ‘cringe’ or that people wouldn’t like her or something else along those lines, but the reception so far has been nothing but positive and encouraging!! I definitely plan to make more art and potentially even write some short fanfics including her in the future!!

oh one final thing, i also made a spotify playlist for her!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qrBhwqopc6KrC7RouFxOZ?si=GPudTv12S92QwBBXqxw0Bg&pi=khdpmOzjTfeQP

Thank you once more for being so kind <33 I hope you have the most wonderful day/evening/night!!

[tea-and-secrets]

i really want a laptop, because mine is going on eight years old and has been shitting the bed hardcore for years (teeechnically still functioning tho), but i want an expensive high end laptop this time.

my previous was around $200 and could barely do Anything, it overheated even just playing stardew valley for half an hour. ideally i want a gaming laptop. i love video games, they bring me such joy, and i havent been able to play any of my steam games in a long time...

the one i have my eye on is almost 1k but has amazing reviews, all of the things im looking for, and itd be useful for quite a few things, not just gaming. like filling out online paperwork, writing (im a wannabe writer), applying for assistance things, having my virtual appointments...

part of the trouble is though, i dont have a job to save up and buy it. but i draw a lot and like to think im fairly good at some of the things i draw, so i want to start doing commissions to start saving up.

but... i feel really, really guilty about wanting to do commissions for something like this. because if i was making money, i could be donating to people who need it, or i could be offering art to people who Do donate.

its not like i have bills to pay or an urgent need for a laptop or anything, let alone an expensive gaming laptop, im an unemployed adult still living with my parents due to disability.

so in theory i could just do commissions and get money to donate. but... i dont know. i would def donate at least part of what i get, but i dont know if its my moral ocd telling me id be a piece of shit if i spent so much money on myself, or if i actually would be.

this is very long so ill stop now, thank you for listening. any opinions would be welcome.

.

[bismuthburnsblue]

sooo. im thinking a bit about what cosplay im gonna make next, and i think ive narrowed it down to a couple options, but i want you to have all the options!

other options on the list include: Sailor Neptune (school uniform) - Sailor Moon (i think ive got a group for this!), Janet - The Good Place, Loki - Avengers Academy (the one i started last year), or Female Stede - Our Flag Means Death. a lot of these projects i have some level of plan for & wanna do some day, i just have stronger opinions on Kyoko/Toph. but if any of those sound more interesting to you! i am down. i wouldnt list options i didnt want

propaganda + images below

Kyoko is a costume that i have been planning for SO long, and finally feel like my skills are somewhere where ill be able to do her justice. i have a lot of the materials for this costume, including the wig, and even have a pattern plan for the main part of the garment. HOWEVER. my main material is velvet. and none of my other materials are any nicer to work with. i want to make the boots from scratch, i want to learn new wig making techniques, i want to make the spear to its full potential. this is going to be a big, complicated, time consuming project, and ill probably put it down at least once for my own mental wellness. its a dream costume of mine and i want to do it justice. its going to be a challenge, super technical and precise, but i think itll be worth it. its also going to be less comfortable, corset & velvet are not... the best con combo (also its a shorter skirt than i usually like, so ill be emotionally uncomfortable)

(also the more i think about it the more im... eh about the colour of my main velvet so um. might end up rebuying that)

Toph on the other hand, i have none of the materials for. i do have a source idea for the cream fabrics but nothing else at all. my design plan is sorta NATLA inspired- still the animated Toph costume, just drawing on the fabric and textures the netflix show used (especially with the Kyoshi warriors), which means some Sourcing will have to be done to find fabrics with the right weight & drape for my plans. this style of looser patterning is also new to me, not to mention pants.... though i think Toph would be a good project to avenge myself there honestly.

in general, this is gonna be a much easier make, and a nice comfy costume for cons, but at the same time, its a lot of expense out the gate, fabric shopping i dont neeeeed to do, and definitely still has some areas that test my skills (wig in Particular). i havent put as much time and energy into thinking about this build, but it has been on my list for some time and i wont regret making it.

(pictures of the others i mentioned. obviously no picture for my stede design but i was thinking of drawing inspo from the historical dresses in the show- some of marys, and evelyns, and the crowd scenes- and obviously stede himself, and then also reference real history. i dont own anything suitable for this time period so the first project would be stays i suspect!)

[kuzuhina1brainrot]

Have wip

rambling and stupid shit under. Venting I guess! (Long, If u even end up reading this shit)

This. This was the one week off I had and I spent it laying in bed and cleaning and shit instead of drawing and stuff like I’d hope. Last week I was like omg I’m gonna be them drawing so much ill reach 220!!! Because I had ideas. I’m still at 215 rn. I only get the motivation when I don’t have the time why couldn’t it have stayed. 😞 I haven’t drawn much this week and that may sound like nothing but it’s weird because usually I’m able to keep up and constantly do stuff.

Every year, April is the worst for me mentally ????Like. Bad.somehow it just is. so don’t expect much this month from me lol.!! Unless I end up feeling bad and trying to pump out shit

like we are 4 days in and I have not been feeling good

it’s weird, as soon April came my mood dropped further and further. the worse it gets, the more I try to distract myself from it. YESTERDAY I SPENT MY WHOLE MORNING THINKING ABOUT GRAVEYARDS AND I KEEP STAYING UP UNTIL 1 IN THE MORNING WHEN I ACTUALLY DON’T NEED TO BECAUSE NOW I HAVE THIS WEIRD FEELING GROWING ON ME WHERE I JUST DONT WANNA LEAVE MY FRIENDS AND STOP TALKING EVEN IF IM TIRED? I LITERALLY WAIT UNTIL EVERYONES OFFLINE TO SLEEP LMAO?? The changes I’ve noticed altogether: not motivated to even draw Kuzuhina which is odd, eating junk and like no real food at all unless someone reminds me to, staying up for my friends, not wanting to get out of bed and do shit I’m supposed to. And then next week I gotta go back. Kill me ion wanna

I know it’s a bunch of little stuff, it’s just weird

anyway love u person reading go eat and get water or something have good day or night goofy

[rottytops]

squid thoughts after finalfest...

readmore bc i dont think anyone cares or even knows who runs this blog anymore but anyways

squids huh...........i have such a weird and intimate relationship with splatoon, i was SO into it when s1 came out i literally wouldnt shut up about it, i was on fucking. SQUIDBOARDS everyday pre-release sucking up all the info i could on splats, and i played it to absolute death too. at the end of s1 for final fest i was in a really weird housing situation bc i was leaving college and my like 2 month lease at my apartment i couldnt afford was running out, but i dont think i had a tv or something? so i had to use the apartment's like...public office room to play that final fest at like 2AM (i was team marie of course)

then splat 2 happened and i think splatoon was like, my entire life for several years no joke. i fell into a big splatoon community, got really into making splatoon art and OCs, had tons of splat friends, it was kind of a whirlwind. splatoon was the launching pad i used to get into freelancing commissions which is really funny in retrospect because i could not and still cannot figure out how to draw the inkling mask to save my life.

those were really really fun days and i still consider 2 the peak of my interest in the series as well as my favorite splat game + idol group, the good days in my splat fanbse didnt last forever though since my mental health and the difficulties of freelancing ate me alive in a way that im only just now recovering from, but that doesnt tarnish the memory or anyhting, the friends i made during s2's run are some of the closest ive ever had and im still with them even today, so i guess in a way splatoon 2 affected my life in a way only comparable to like...the disgaea series which is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING

but that brings me to 3 which is definitely when i fell off of the splat boat and wanted to move on. to be honest a lot of drama happened post 2's end that made me not wanna look at splat 3 at all but of course i caved and bough it anddddddd barely even played it, lol...i missed a ton of the catalog battle pass things and didnt feel the need to play that much, i didnt even get side order until like 2 months ago... it makes me sad to think that something so important to me is just not quite for me anymore, even if i love it dearly, part of that i think is just ive accepted im REALLY BAD AT SHOOTERS no matter what. a million hours in 1 and 2 and my aim is still super bad, i was able to get all X rank in S2 but in S3 i can barely land my shots or use my brella and had to swap to the 52 gal...its embarassing! i think id get really into a splatoon RPG or something, so maybe they just need to make a splatoon spinoff for me to get absurdly hooked to it but for now im pretty content closing a book on playing the games

but man, final fest made me realize how much splatoon has done for me over the years, i think ill always adore the world and its characters, even if i dont keep up with the games very much. im a little miffed team past won beecase even if i love the squid sisters, i reaaaally dont wanna see them doing more idol stuff. let those bitches retire!!! theyre like 30 now and still doing the same songs and outfits they wore nearly 10 years ago!! aauuhg, though i guess me caring so much about virtual squid idols shows how much the series still means to me...

i dont have any closing thoughts and i dont think anyone read this far either but it does feel very nice to word vomit on my blog which i. do not do. anymore. for some reason..

i love splatoon a lot i think, maybe i should just draw squids without playing the games...i think ill do that...

[mostspecialgirl]

i dont think i can do “artist spaces” anymore because i’m really stupid. - ramble post with no point or central focus aside from making myself feel less weird

like…. i’m stupid. and i like it! But every artist i meet is like some kind of super genius and irs kind of nuts, everyone’s got such vision and intelligence and honed skill and all these interesting things about their lives and practice away from the arts and i’m some kind of inert orb who doesn't have much soul in her work aside from "isnt this cool like a animes" or "this is how im feeling". at least when it comes to Drawinf a Pitures.

i can deal with spaces where everyone’s just hanging out and Some People Happen to be Artists but spaces primarily composed of people steeped in the arts actually remind me that i'm a socially inept cavewoman who barely knows how to use the microwave. sufficiently talented artists ('sufficient' referring to people who have labelled themself an artist and have been online for more than 2 years) who i end up talking to online are 80% of the time some kind of Art Student Med Student Math Prodigy or Mentally Ill Genius Socially Inept Outsider Artist with insane Honed Unique Skill and when you apply that 80% to a whole lump of people in a GC or a Discord Server where the other 20% don't really talk there it gets real mentally exhausting as someone generally quite unimpressive and classically unskilled.

i dunno. I just kind of find it interesting that people with such talent, skill, wit, and (as ive repeated endlessly) intelligence are always drawn to the arts. a lot of my friends ive made who are very smart people ive learned 3 years into the friendship they used to do painting studies and are some kind of closet picasso while ive been showing them my meager collection of shale and sediment. is the pursuit of the artistic a mark of something deeper? what must one’s character lack to not seek creative self expression? what separates a creator from a consumer, and the blind from the perceptive? is creating art for the simple purpose of “cool and fun” shallow? does that answer change with ones talent? what is shallow art? is there truly such a thing?

cough

anyway. i’m just kind of a dumb baby, and it makes me sad that i never really feel like i can talk about art with most people because i don’t know anything. i’m not looking for construction or anything, i just want to be able to say “isn’t making something fun” without being reminded of my own inadequacies. i feel like art shouldn’t have to be this “smart” thing, and it isn’t, but art itself draws in the smart, and so like in many other spaces i feel a bit outcasted. obviously the solution here is to talk to MINORS from TIKTOK (gets cancelled)

but i really dunno. i feel stupid a lot these days and i feel like there aren’t any spaces that fit me, even when on paper these should be the spaces i should be in. even off the paper, anywhere i go i can’t help but feel like a bit of a bump on a log. like an erroneously flipped bit. i’m the stray ray from the sun beamed into the nintendo 64. that’s how i feel among other people, no matter who i’m with. it’s strange, because i really do like myself. i’ve passed a lot of the self deprecation and self doubt that used to chain me, and is it strange to say i believed casting those aside would help me find a bit more belonging among other people?

it hasn’t! life’s the same! maybe worse? i’m not self actualized or anything, but i think i’ve really grown as a person, so it’s sort of sucky that i fit better in place as a problem child. well i suppose as the Old Ones spoke, every group needs The Rick Friend. meeting people is hard. wanting to stay among people i’ve met is even harder. i like to blame a lot of it on the Modern Internet and the sheer amount of how many people have invaded my once cozy corners. with The Net these days being less of a space for Niche Freaks and instead being Grandma And Your Little Cousin Just Saw You Post Your Wiener On Instagram i’d think it’s only natural i’m running into less likeminded people. but i dunno. i feel like some of it’s my fault. i’m a weird little giblet of a girl, aren’t i? and man do i EVER hate people. I’m a big hater.

everybody i meet these days just makes me drool because everyone’s some kind of Valorant Edater or Reddit Object Show Minor or The Hypersexual or Someone I’m Too Intimidated By or Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Talking To Me. where’s Literally Anything Else. Everyone i meet these days fits into those categories. Give me anything else. What is wrong with my Spaces

i really don’t know how people make friends online these days. i’m always posting these days about Haha I Need Friends and Haha I Need A Wife that falls endlessly into the empty infinite void (much like now) for a reason. no matter where i seem to go, i walk dragging my feet, half-lidded and unengaged with a soft scowl on my face. i’ll figure it out, right? i’ll certainly make new friends, right? because i have to, right?

i dont wanna go to work tomorrow dude

[termagax]

sometimes people do ask me for advice on how to love their own art more and i always feel bad that i dont have very good tips. but i think the thing that helped me get so comfortable is that my own art is all super self-indulgent, so when i want to look at content of like, my ocs or whatever, i HAVE to look at my own stuff. it means i look at my own art a LOT, and i have an intense fondness for the subject matter, so it helps me feel better looking at it. even the ones i dont so much like i can smile and go but my friend is here!!!!

combine that with a naturally very analytical eye. i am the Noticer i always notice every detail in my own art and the other art i look at and with a lot of time and practice i have a pretty good sense of critique that i dont invest a lot of emotion into? like you guys have seen me blab abt my pieces before i notice every shortcoming and its just a matter of a)accepting that the piece needs to be finished at some point regardless of if i can fix it and b)knowing what to do better on next time. it also helps to use that eye to look at VERY old art and compare it to what you do now. i love looking at art from when i was like. 12-17 and comparing it to current stuff, you can see the foundations for a lot of what i do now and it really helps to get a benchmark for how much x amount of time will do for your skill. im especially fond of doing year-gap comparisons, youll see me post all the time abt what i was up to this month last year because i think a uear is the perfect amnt of time to see my art grow. close enough that a lot of the process is more or less the same and you remember making them but distant enough tjat there is marked improvement and visible change. being able to see your progress REALLY helps u feel better imo, it gives you a sense of "if this is what i did this year, imagine where ill be NEXT year"

thats the other thing i do is like..my art is ROUGH its messy and fast and i like it that way. it makes every piece lower stakes because i know i can just do it again. or finish this one whenever i feel like and move on to something else. or come back in three weeks to change something. im not very precious with my work. i keep everything in one massive file and take grainy screenshots of my program to post stuff and i have no file organization and i regularly lose them on accident to autosave failures and other such stupidness. but i think u have to break that sacredness in order to lower the stakes for yourself. it helped me overcome a lot of my art anxieties and self loathing when i just accepted that like. if i rlly hated something in my sketchbook i could just tape something over it. or tear the page out. if a drawing isnt going well i can just delete the layer or erase the whole thing. its not sacred and messing up isnt the end of the process, yk? this is also why i try not to spend more than like. 2 hours on any given piece. because then i sunk cost myself because i Have to see it through and then i push out a picture i dont like just because i felt like i Had to finish it.

in general just try to notice when your art makes you feel bad and investigate the source of those bad feelings and try to mitigate them. i always burn out when i try to "finish" a piece "properly", so i stop working on something once i stop feeling it. i hated looking at my own work so i only drew things that made me happy to look at. consistency in style/process bores me so i dont bother with it. your art is FOR you. you are the only audience that matters. the process has to be fun or you wont ever want to do it. GO FIND THE FUN

[tema-makes-art-sometimes]

Overdue Life Update

I know I havent drawn or posted much tbh ive been in such an art slump and havent done much in terms of doodles, Ive been spending a lot of time with kyo and crew rping in vrchat and testing and retesting stuff for 2pdtalia. Sorry I havent updated you all

recently one of my codevs dropped out of every game project I had with them and dropped off the face of the earth, and my other codev has been struggling with personal matters so the promise I made for 2pdt I dont think Ill be able to do on my own. so for now Im going to just slowly chip away on it this year, tho if you all wanna see weird screenshots of my code lmk Id be happy to share

Im still going to try to post more often and i will hopefully soon be able to draw some more. Ive just been kind of taking a break, focusing on finishing the minibios for all my 2ps and learning more with rpgmaker.

tbh when this happened I decided to take a step back and go through a lot of my aus and projects and cut fat and decided to shelf a lot of my projects and try to narrow down what Im working on. I have so many things I want to work on- I want to do so much because I often feel like I dont produce enough for as long as I have been here, and so many people have supported me I feel like I need to produce something completely so people will be proud. Not to mention I just have so much au ideas and beans for creation but I am so eternally drained and exhausted its an intense balancing act with my health conditions.

But for now Im just going to keep learning systems and fiddling with mini ideas. I need to stop being afraid of not living up to an invisible standard, but also need to remember to take time to improve and actually see things through to the end. Just wanted to update you where Ive been, I hope yall are well <3

[worldofgoo]

yayayay yippee (≧◡≦) i love how vibrant & lively your art is, i think my fav pieces are Horse Surgery & hanyuu (even tho i have no idea who that is) but that one wip with the rainbow is also v ery special 2me because it reminds me of my fav kind of weather ^_^ generic Which Program Do You Use question & also which programs have you tried so far? which one would you recommend for someone whose only experience so far wiht digital art has been scribbling in ms paint -_-? on topic, what do you draw with (mouse, phone, drawing tablet, ??) & was it easy for you to get used to digital art? i always get overwhelmed by the amound of different functions available so im not sure where to even start, any advice? which physical art forms do you like / would you like to learn (anything at all, i personally have been getting into air dry clay... well actually ive been using my sisters playdoh but maybe ill purchase smthn fancier :3) & final question how do you come up with poses to draw? your characters (+creatures) seem very animated and i really like that :)

HI okay i guess ill answer these in a list. actually will put it under the cut since i ended up saying a lot (and dw i enjoy being able to talk a lot so thank you!)

-THANK YOU im glad some of my more recent works (in my more current style) are appealing 2 people! like i wanna draw my own way even though i think it gets less notes... the higurashi fanarts (hanyuu and shion) r very memorable pieces to me because its when i started doing the loose sketches with the thin lines and block colors and thats the direction i reallyreally wanted to take my style in. also the rainbow is rian my friend rian

-i draw in paint tool sai! the only program i used before that was sketchbook pro, which i didnt like because the brushes were kind of... blurry/smudgy? sai allows you to zoom in and draw pixel by pixel which is something i like, and i like the way it does its blending. its also just easier for me to understand. i didnt pay for it i think i found some deviantart page that had the link, id have to find it again

-i draw with a wacom intuos tablet! its lasted me... almost 10 years now. ive heard newer ones are poorer quality in terms of at least the nibs needing to be replaced constantly, so idk what the most recommended tablet these days is. ive drawn with my mouse and tbh it caused awful hand pain so i would not recommend this. i draw on my phone with my finger sometimes but i find doing it on my laptop easier, however it is doable once you get used to it

-the way i got into digital art... well. i still have an archive of my earliest art if you wanna see! i was 14 n just drew random shit, often lining over doodles i did on paper and coloring them in. i think esp if youre overwhelmed start with making like throwaway experimental pieces, scribble around, doodle stupid things and color them in with different brushes and see what you enjoy. and then you can just keep the files to yourself if they dont look too good or maybe itll look interesting, it depends i guess haha. the other thing that ive always found helped me was telling myself id draw every day even if it was a little scribble or the tiniest amount of work on a wip bc getting a habit going helped my art a Lot beause it helped me spend more time thinking n focusing on it

more specific advice for sai that i found useful- using clipping groups & the preserve opacity functions are both lifesavers in terms of not spending so much time trying to color in the lines. if you color in a base layer you can just put everything above it as a clipping group and just not worry about it anymore. i also really like using the filters (like multiply) to mess around with the colors a drawing has, though sometimes its more effective to just select a layer/individual color and fuck with the hue/saturation/etc until it looks good. when i color, esp when its not turning out how i wanted to, i rely on shifting colors A LOT. n also mixing colors together using a blending brush and then colorpicking the intermediate color. very useful

-for the most part i stick to uncolored pencil doodles on like, notebook paper (even though i have some fancy supplies X[ one day) but i LOVE making things with clay, wish it was more accessible to do at home. i have a handful of clay animal statues and stuff that i made in my ceramics class in high school. would looove to do more

-because my poses tend to be very pushed/cartoony using references of real people isnt always useful (though obv knowing the basics of anatomy always helps) so in those cases ill use other cartoony art i like as inspiration, i try to see what i like about their poses nd emulate that with my own. sometimes when im struggling ill just do a bunch of studies where i copy art i like to try to get a feel for what im missing. mostly ive realized i like when the pose conveys some level of like, volume and taking up a 3D space (which im still definitely not a master of but bullshitting it can be fun). and i also like to have a balance of curved and angular shapes. sometimes i try to just do a pose that conveys a specific emotion or i just make shit up lol

alsooooo i cant reccomend aimless doodling enough! just random shapes, turning the random shapes into creatures, trying and trying and trying different ways to draw something until you like it, i feel like the things my hand makes when i shut my brain off and just scribble can inspire me as well, and i try to emulate whatever i made by chance while doodling. and if your doodles turn out better in traditional i tend to consider using a photo of a drawing as a way to skip the "preliminary sketch" phase nd drawing a rough sketch over that which i then use for my drawing (or just directly color since i draw very fast/lazy...)

[fraener]

1/1/25

ill try and record the events of last night as i remember them, best i can. h and i talked on my couch for several hours. h reiterated how he felt criticized and undervalued when he was putting so much aside to help me, and i pointed out that he often oversteps his own boundaries and then is regretful of doing so when i ask for things to happen in a specific way. we used the ph test kit situation with fen in the car as the example. we then moved on to talking about how in order for me to be nonmonog and myself, he wouldnt be able to continue in the relationship with the expectations that we would spend birthdays or holidays together or go on trips to see family together. he said he also didnt want to be expected to show up for mundane support things like doing errands, being emotional support for each other, helping one another complete tasks, hanging out with my friends with me, going to social events together, etc. unless it was specifically him taking me to the hospital as a medical emergency. he kept saying that he still wants me to rely on him, but that i should understand he will no longer consistently show up for me. he said i should still ask, but he was going to say no a lot more if i had sex with someone else. he also had me send him all of the pictures ive taken of him over the years that he likes so i could use them for a tinder profile.

i dont know how to approach all of this right now. my eyes are blurred with tears as im recounting it. i got a terrible draw of cards for the year and i heard someone snap their fingers 3 times in the middle of the night which feels potentially like a very bad omen. i asked for a dream that would show me what to do to counter the terrible year ahead and there was a consistent calmness and joy throughout with spending time with new people, practicing and learning new skills, exploring new sexual avenues and connections, swimming in the sea and being close to home, and being by myself. i want to figure out if i can find a way to not lend all my time to despair. maybe if by getting a lot of the despair out of the way early on at once.

i dont know how to think of him anymore. i really wanted things to go in the opposite direction, i wanted him to ask for more closeness and offer things for us to do and for him to tell me that he understands that me seeing other people doesnt have anything but a positive effect on our relationship. now im sitting back and seeing that not only have i lost him, ive also lost s and i never had r in the first place. so how do you go on from a place and time with nothing to offer you anymore, forwards? how do you know to look for what else could be out there? how do you drag the weight of that corpse of everything that means something? i dont know how im supposed to go to the san juans with him in less than a week. in the end i really dont want another casual relationship where i cant rely on the person im with and i cant expect support consistently. i really dont like watching this be killed so slowly i feel very much that i should put it all out of its misery. i cannot stomach hope right now. not in the face of this loss. what a cruel way to drag on.

we talked more this morning and i feel a bit more stable now...catastrophe in a downward swell. i can piece together now that i am reacting very strongly with a handful of vulnerable parts to the idea that love is conditional...it really was that way before but they were having an easier time being placated when he didnt directly say he wasnt able to be close with me in my excursions. i feel a bit guilty, i really let my parts talk for themselves but it let me hear them easier. i know i have parts that are really worried the runners are going to stop me from being able to have sex with r or anyone else because it will mean that care and closeness with h cannot be continued and even with this arrangement where its on the table it doesnt change the conditions of care being contingent on monog fidelity. i had a lot of protectors coming in to clear up the scene and say obviously this person cannot love me when i am difficult so they should not be allowed to love me when i am easy...i am remembering that h is not a reason to live or not live my life. we are independent of one another and capable of going apart and coming together. finding that uncommon path again, trial after trial. i can love anyone i want to however i like. no one can actually take that from me!