#i dont think ill be able to draw something for end of year

[potahun]

Pota's ✨Art Summary for 2024✨! i'm happy that I got to do a lot more than last year, and this year, it's mostly been detco!

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[sillyandquiteawkward]

Do you have any tips/advice for someone doing comics? Like, shorter ones, not necessarily longer form stuff? How to plan a lil scene, set up panels, etc? Anyway, I like your comics a lot, your art is really cool and I hope you have a nice day <3

i feel like i do what you arent supposed to do, but i write a lot of my short comics from the seat of my pants. i have a general idea of what i what to accomplish, sometimes i have some dialogue and stage direction written in my notes app, and i just. draw a rectangle and start going. that tends to be why a lot of my mspaint comics tend to be talking head type deals, haha. ill try to give some proper advice, but im also just a hobbist whos taken a some classes about communication through design and comics years ago.

most comics do well if you establish a scene with a larger set piece, then you can narrow down to characters or actions. show us where we are in space, and the audience can take that knowledge and move along the other panels with a stronger suspension of disbelief. (bc comics are all about giving toys to your reader and hoping they play with you) heres the first page of my anya n swansea comic illustrating this. big location panel, then narrowing down to character moments.

you notice as i focus more on dialogue, that my scenery gets left out. this is bc theres only so much space in a panel, so i need to choose what gets shown. of course this depends on what medium you work with, but the gist is the same amongst all types. dont give your reader TOO much to play with or they might get confused, or will start skimming. not what we want!

for shorter comics, id suggest something eye catching right at the beginning to catch readers attention. if you have multiple "pages" or breaks in the comic, make sure the last panel before the next page is enticing. be it a punchline or cliff hanger, something to keep the reader interested. jingle those keys. in general most short comics need to end on a punchline or satisfaction or deep thought. something for the reader to chew on after their done reading, or to inspire rereading. makes for a satisfying read!

but it also depends on how you want to structure a comic page. this comic of anya and curly i did is very different than the previous one i showed, and i think its one of my fav recent comics. it starts with a weird piece of dialogue that makes you ask "what does that mean" which gets answered by the next panels. theres visual and spoken repetition, theres very little said, and its short and sweet. very easy to read and reread, so its easy to take in, and its easy for the reader to sit with it longer and ponder it more. and be able to draw their own conclusions. play touys with meeee

i think when it comes to planning scenes, it depends on what you want the reader to get out of it. when i was planning this comic page, i really wanted to mention that curlys tear ducts probably dont work, and anyas been wearing the same contact lenses for months! i wanted to showcase their similarities and how they mirror each other narratively and i had the idea to use the onomatopoeia of drip to stand in for the drip of saline. but i didnt have any solid ideas past that. but i do like showcasing mundane sort of events, so i thought maybe just a simple exchange of using saline to wet curlys eye, and then her eyes. initially the idea to literally copy and paste the action of applying the saline was out of ease so i didnt have to draw it again, but i found that it worked for the narrative, so i leaned into that. i flipped anya around to better convey them as on either side of the mirror, and had anya repeat her dialogue.

something else to debate about in layout, is making sure the comic isnt too unbalanced (unless thats a theme/motif youre wanting to work with) in this comic page, anya always remains on the left side, except the first panel where she is on the right. i Could have swapped her and her dialogue in the first panel, so she stays on the left and better mirrors curly in panel 3, but if i did that, the comic would be very left heavy. anyas hair and her clothes are a heavy, dark color, it takes up a lot of visual attention. i thought the comic would look more pleasant for anya to be on the right in the first panel to balance it out, as i didnt find much narrative use for her to be on the left side always. the reader would still read the comic left to right and follow the typical reading pattern regardless. to make up for this, in panel 3, curly mirrors the angle she's at in panel 1, its not an exact mirror, but its enough that i was satisfied with it.

in other comics, it might be easier to play with how the eye would move across the page. regardless, its something important to keep in mind. you have to assume how the reader will read your comic, and if youre going to be breaking the rules, you need to put in lots of safeguards to make sure the reader can understand what youre doing. too much dialogue in confusing places? work with the speech bubbles to create hierarchy and flow so the reader knows how to read everything in order. number one rule of design we were taught was people are stupid, so you have to play at their level, or baby proof your level DX designers and artists know all the rules, but readers dont have a grasp on the rules themselves, just the vibes of the rules.

the most important thing with comics is legibility. if the reader cant understand or follow the comic, it might as well be like them not reading it at all. and the worst thing that could happen is they think what youre doing is pointless. so you have to juggle what you want to accomplish, what the reader can understand, what the medium limits you to, and what rules you think you can get away with breaking.

hope this is some sort of satisfying answer! i feel like im always hit or miss with advice XD;;

[emerxshiu]

Kirby And The Forgotten 3rd Anniversary - Part 1

"Eco of my reborn soul"

I know it isnt the 25 yet but still, happy 3rd anniversary to the game that rewired my brain chemistry and rots my mind away (seriously i cant stop thinking about it) as much as i love it, the game makes me sad, it makes me sad i'll never get to experience it again like the first time, that ill never be able to play it completly blind (i already knew lots before i got the game) no matter how many times i replay it it will never be the same, it keeps aging and i do the same alongside it, knowing that ill never be able to go back to what once was, just thinking about the game makes me so happy, so happy it doesnt let me sleep, so happy i have to run around my room and jump, but it also makes me sad, so sad a lump forms in my throat, so sad it makes me so nervous of everything. im absurdly attached to this game and the characters.

And strangely, all of this reminds me of fecto, believe it or not. while i dislike the tought of fecto elfilis and forgo being the same character, i do like, chaos elfilis and forgo being one, its just forgo, sure morpho's soul is in there, and the other beast pack souls, but, that IS fecto forgo want to admit it or not. it should probably look like mix between morpho and forgo, yet it looks almost the same as elfilis, no matter what it went trough, no matter how much time goes by, they still cling to its former glory as fecto elfilis, an angel, a divine being, even tough its long gone.

being set on an abandoned planet with visible signs of aging doesnt help this certain bittersweet feling the game causes in me.

I tend to play forgotten land at least once a month, usually i only collect some coins and then do lab discovera again, lately i had been forgetting that, and today when i played it it felt, so different, i was on the verge of tears half of the time, especially hearing the music for some reason, remembering all the light-hearted memories i have in that little cartridge, how id take pictures of every cutscene frame, how i made two very stupid errors and only survived on a sliver of health the chaos elfilis and never did the ultimate cup z again because i did not want my deaths to extend beyond my already failed treasure roads. Aahh, sorry this game is so very dear to me and i talk lots about it, most of my content is about it, i think daily about it. and i cant help but share this love with everyone. and sorry for the incoherence i dont actually know to express my feelins well so everything ends up being redundant.

I should probably talk about the drawing now, the whole time thing i just talked about? i think no better drawing of mine to accompany that this one, sure, there isnt any symbolism or whatever of that in there, but its the external thing, i started this ‎the 2nd of may of 2024 around ‏‎21:27:39. yet i only recently finished it on the 22 of this month, thats 2 months away from a year! tough i have to be honest in a majority of those months i wasnt making any progress. tough if you follow me and seen some posts of mine, you can see wips of it, back when i was coloring, and when i said id post this when i returned, also yeah im returning fully today even tough technically its tomorrow, the actual anniversary. ejem- continuing, so, this is to me one of my most iconic drawings i have made, not for being popular or anything, but by the history i have with it, funny that i consider my drawing for katfl's 2nd anniversary my most iconic, tough i mostly mean the sai2 version i never finished. and also this was my first try doing lineless art, even tough it could be better i kinda think i did good, and ive started liking doing lineless, so expect it to be a bit more common in my drawings from now on. oh and also what holded me back the most from completion was the background god the background for some reason i tough itd be a good idea to fill it with something (i think its obvious what i wrote there but ill refrain from saying) and have it be written in forgotten land's lenguage.... done by hand, mostly due to me not having the font back then and more recently when i was finishing, i liked the idea of it being handwritten more, and i still do prefer it, but because this idea popped into my mind, but basically, i wanted it to look like its trying its hardest to be organized, clean, perfect. yet it looks off as it slowly degrades and progressively becomes shakier. an organized chaos, sorry i dont know how to explain, but uhhh

that took me 2 days to write, and it barely reaches 4 lines, sure, i could have done it faster if i concentrated and stuff, but hands do start to hurt after hours of redoing and redoing the letters because you cant just get them right. So i ended up using the font

Also, it was made during my trying to redesign my chaos elfilis era so bad thing, i still have to redesign my gijinka and set on one so thats gonna be fun! ...its even more fun how the drawing has a gijinka that is practically only gonna be seen on this one and i still have to change it yippie...

The part 1 you say? (if you noticed) well well well...as much as said i think this drawings as iconic to me, and how much i spent on it and everything, i find it quite underwhelming, and also i did not want to post a year old drawing for the anniversary, so i did another one, but i wanted to return with this one as promised, but i also wanted a more recent drawing for katfl and being the ever work obsessed katlf addicted i am, basically, uh, im gonna be celebrating katfl's anniversary whole week, maybe even more days than that the lenghts i go for this game man...id even get my memory wiped just to experience it again. i wanna bake a cake in its honor, i want to learn to sew and make plushies to those left forgotten in the game. i want to do those figures. i want to eat the game. dare i say it will be the cause of my death? /ref

You shouln't keep Chaos Elfilis waiting soon tough,

Let's go play with them!

edittt: forgot to mention this silly thing but while drawing and writing for the entire time i was listening to the dream discoveries tour and eternal echo of the thrilling tour-our-our on loop for a completly and truly sane and inmersive experience and i did not want to make it shut up at all

[tsuki--sora]

helloo i was wondering if u have any tips on how to start learning how to draw?? i’m gonna try it for the nth time and force myself to not give up and since i absolutely LOVE ur art i was hoping you could help me?? thank you in advance and have a happy new year 🥰

omggg i just saw this :O!! i havent been around here so i didnt see :C but anyway!!! im not sure what advice or tips to give tbh so ill just share some things that helped me 🙇

knowing what im drawing (basically...using reference lol ) u might've seen this tip a lot but its true 😆 think of it as like... training wheels on a bike AHSAHSAHHA u use training wheels for some time until u can be good enough to ride a bike without them or something like that.... its the same with using reference. u have to know and get familiar with what an object looks like first before you're able to draw without it and with confidence. tbh i dont always do this bcos sometimes i just wanna mindlessly draw ykno 😔 and thats okay as well!!! just remember that reference is very helpful when u hit a dead end with ur artwork :D also learn from real life!! look around u! sometimes id stare at something and nod in understanding. ----------------------------------

draw what u love <33 honestly, i only got back into drawing when i went down the vtuber hole a few years ago LMAO i would draw vox akuma eveyday 🙂‍↕️ and then my love for one piece got revived so now i draw my favorite characters every chance i can get bcos its all i can think abt!!! its honestly a good motivator. ----------------------------------

accepting and learning from mistakes ive always struggled with perfectionism and that really took my enjoyment and love for creating🥹 and that also stopped me from experimenting and exploring coz id always think that it wont come out as i hoped it would. SOOOO for the past 2-3 years i think?? i make it a habit to STOP ✋ being super critical when i see or make a mistake. the perspective is wrong? noted. the anatomy looks wonky? okay!! i let them exist in my artworks bcos how would i even know where to improve in if i dont know what it is 😅 i also make sure to keep those errors in mind so i know what areas i should be working on. u can always correct them on ur next work!! and the next!! again and again!!! its never-ending! ure always improving, always learning. ---------------------------------

i also have a board of artworks and styles that i really really like and i look at them when i need inspiration hahaha sometimes u just have to scroll thru pinterest for hours and draw nothing lol

personally, i think one doesnt have to draw everyday to be good. i mean, you can if u want to! but u might burn out fast if u force urself to draw everyday. just.. pace yourself. remember to rest and be good to yourself as well :))

thats all i can think of right now. i feel like i could share more but im just not good with words or explaining things. forgive me 😔🙇 our experiences may differ and what helped me may not be of use to u,,, but i hope this can help u even juuuuust a bit :"D be proud of every piece u make. u worked hard on it after all <33

(also sharing my art throughout the years!)

[purpletyrant]

waking from torpor

redraw of a concept ive done twice already. i think this will be my last finished piece of the year :)

ive mentioned before that the decades long torpor orchidee experiences is the result of her fucking up a drought tyche taught her to make. its not really something meant for unicorns to imbibe, and she gets the measurements wrong because shes… bad at a lot of things. so, being in a state of suspended animation paired with hunkering down in a spot already full of the dead allows her to avoid the stampede as it happens. i think its funny to imagine her buttoning herself into her little nightgown, saying "well when i wake up in a week or so eubora will be gone home and ill be able to save cybele properly this time," and instead she sleeps through a mass death event that takes place the next morning. and then keeps sleeping. you could argue that the stampede also affected how long she stayed asleep

i have some thoughts about why it is that her living space didnt become EXTREMELY decroded while she slept. i want to say that as a unicorn she kinda kept the living area around her "fresh" by virtue of unicorns keeping dead things alive. maybe its a matter of deciding how storybook i want my unicorns to be. the hardiness of unicorns is perhaps why her physique changes so dramatically to keep from wasting away. taking on ambient magic or energy from the air to sustain herself. like a bear in hibernation, i guess. and then she just maintains that weight after she wakes up. that explanation needs work if i dont want it to be corny

how does orchidee react when she wakes up? with the franticness of someone who realizes theyre late for work. she immediately sets about tidying the house and clearing it of creepy-crawlies, dirt, and leaf litter. the book in her storage chest reminds her what her name is, and by the days end (or weeks end) shes sheared her hair short to keep it out of her way. she has no curiosity about how she ended up there, where her scars came from, and why no one else seems to inhabit the forest. her attitude is, "fuck, i fell asleep and my house got fucked up. time to fix it. god damn it." shes a very willfully ignorant and uncurious girl post-torpor

drawing this made me realize its time to draw the outside and inside of orchidees hut, immediate yard, and root cellar. its on my to-do list after her new ref is done, and then i got some anime fanart i want to work on as well… see you in 2025!

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[ereyies]

i love your of mice and men oc. let me tell you i was scrolling thru the omam tag after reading that book for class because GOSH that ending destroyed me. bronwyn is so cute!!! and i love the ideas you have for her character and how she’d add onto the book. is there any more of your character that u thought of?? i’d love it hear it! ur art is stunning btw!!!

artists and writers are the backbone of dead fandoms. but i dont know if you could even call this fandom dead cuz i dont think it even had a life 💀

THANK YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH!!

this means the entire world to me you have no idea just how touched i am that you love my oc 💖 💖!! be VERY careful going through the of mice and men tag because unfortunately there are a LOT of nsfw bots!!

as for anything else relating to Bronwyn and her character, I don't have much else written/in mind other than that I have already shared other than maybe two things (copied and pasted from a document i made just to keep track of her lore):

Candy and Bronwyn probably wouldn't be close despite Candy having worked at the ranch for years. Not because of anything bad that happened between them, however I imagine that Candy was initially the main contributor to all the gossip said about her on the ranch and later on he learned she wasn't a bad person at all and just a lonely ill child, but by that point he had both immortalised her as a legend but condemned her from ever making real connections with people again. Knowing what he started and how he unintentionally isolated her and prevented her from being easily able to make friends with people on the ranch, the guilt would probably prevent him from forming any close connections with her.

I feel like if she were actually a character within the novel, her presence within the story would be similar to Andrey Bolkonsky in the musical Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 (brilliant but strange musical btw, if you're interested in musicals it's definitely worth a listen!!). She is this looming presence amongst all the characters, always being mentioned in passing during conversation, this figure that everyone is aware of yet never sees, never actually being present in person up until the very end.

Candy would probably be the reader's introduction to Bronwyn, since Candy is a known gossiper. She'd be this influence in the story but is never truly there. I'm not too sure how she'd be important if that were the case though? Perhaps she'd be a figure symbolic of a 'point of no return' for all the characters. They all have a dream that isn't totally impossible which they come very close to achieving, and could very well leave their situation, but Bronwyn never had a chance and can never truly escape, locked up just to be forgotten about. Maybe she'd be a warning of the terrible fate which Lennie would have faced if he had lived and been institutionalised.

ANYWAYS moving past all of that; i have only made very few drawings of Bronwyn since my last post talking about her (admittedly due to extreme art block). But I’ve mostly been brainstorming about Curley and Bronwyn, the similarities and differences between them, mostly differences. Here is some of my recent art:

I always love experimenting and playing around with my style, trying out new brushes, techniques and colours <33 The last isn’t exactly my favourite mostly because i was just getting a feel for how to draw Curley and had little to no references for the pose and so it looks a little stiff. But!! I made many notes for my ideas while I was doing the sketch:

Thank you once more for your ask!! It means the world to me <33 I was so embarrassed when I first made her and feared being called ‘cringe’ or that people wouldn’t like her or something else along those lines, but the reception so far has been nothing but positive and encouraging!! I definitely plan to make more art and potentially even write some short fanfics including her in the future!!

oh one final thing, i also made a spotify playlist for her!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qrBhwqopc6KrC7RouFxOZ?si=GPudTv12S92QwBBXqxw0Bg&pi=khdpmOzjTfeQP

Thank you once more for being so kind <33 I hope you have the most wonderful day/evening/night!!

[tea-and-secrets]

i really want a laptop, because mine is going on eight years old and has been shitting the bed hardcore for years (teeechnically still functioning tho), but i want an expensive high end laptop this time.

my previous was around $200 and could barely do Anything, it overheated even just playing stardew valley for half an hour. ideally i want a gaming laptop. i love video games, they bring me such joy, and i havent been able to play any of my steam games in a long time...

the one i have my eye on is almost 1k but has amazing reviews, all of the things im looking for, and itd be useful for quite a few things, not just gaming. like filling out online paperwork, writing (im a wannabe writer), applying for assistance things, having my virtual appointments...

part of the trouble is though, i dont have a job to save up and buy it. but i draw a lot and like to think im fairly good at some of the things i draw, so i want to start doing commissions to start saving up.

but... i feel really, really guilty about wanting to do commissions for something like this. because if i was making money, i could be donating to people who need it, or i could be offering art to people who Do donate.

its not like i have bills to pay or an urgent need for a laptop or anything, let alone an expensive gaming laptop, im an unemployed adult still living with my parents due to disability.

so in theory i could just do commissions and get money to donate. but... i dont know. i would def donate at least part of what i get, but i dont know if its my moral ocd telling me id be a piece of shit if i spent so much money on myself, or if i actually would be.

this is very long so ill stop now, thank you for listening. any opinions would be welcome.

.

[bismuthburnsblue]

sooo. im thinking a bit about what cosplay im gonna make next, and i think ive narrowed it down to a couple options, but i want you to have all the options!

other options on the list include: Sailor Neptune (school uniform) - Sailor Moon (i think ive got a group for this!), Janet - The Good Place, Loki - Avengers Academy (the one i started last year), or Female Stede - Our Flag Means Death. a lot of these projects i have some level of plan for & wanna do some day, i just have stronger opinions on Kyoko/Toph. but if any of those sound more interesting to you! i am down. i wouldnt list options i didnt want

propaganda + images below

Kyoko is a costume that i have been planning for SO long, and finally feel like my skills are somewhere where ill be able to do her justice. i have a lot of the materials for this costume, including the wig, and even have a pattern plan for the main part of the garment. HOWEVER. my main material is velvet. and none of my other materials are any nicer to work with. i want to make the boots from scratch, i want to learn new wig making techniques, i want to make the spear to its full potential. this is going to be a big, complicated, time consuming project, and ill probably put it down at least once for my own mental wellness. its a dream costume of mine and i want to do it justice. its going to be a challenge, super technical and precise, but i think itll be worth it. its also going to be less comfortable, corset & velvet are not... the best con combo (also its a shorter skirt than i usually like, so ill be emotionally uncomfortable)

(also the more i think about it the more im... eh about the colour of my main velvet so um. might end up rebuying that)

Toph on the other hand, i have none of the materials for. i do have a source idea for the cream fabrics but nothing else at all. my design plan is sorta NATLA inspired- still the animated Toph costume, just drawing on the fabric and textures the netflix show used (especially with the Kyoshi warriors), which means some Sourcing will have to be done to find fabrics with the right weight & drape for my plans. this style of looser patterning is also new to me, not to mention pants.... though i think Toph would be a good project to avenge myself there honestly.

in general, this is gonna be a much easier make, and a nice comfy costume for cons, but at the same time, its a lot of expense out the gate, fabric shopping i dont neeeeed to do, and definitely still has some areas that test my skills (wig in Particular). i havent put as much time and energy into thinking about this build, but it has been on my list for some time and i wont regret making it.

(pictures of the others i mentioned. obviously no picture for my stede design but i was thinking of drawing inspo from the historical dresses in the show- some of marys, and evelyns, and the crowd scenes- and obviously stede himself, and then also reference real history. i dont own anything suitable for this time period so the first project would be stays i suspect!)

[finn95o]

thank fuck im going to nordschleife next week (need to vent dont mind this post please)

for some reason venting on my blog is very freeing so. this will dissapear soon in between other posts ig

loosing 3kgs in a week when youre already underweight is definetly something

im trying to eat i really am but i just cant, my body rejects it even if i think about it. i was doing so well why is it coming back. its so fucking unfair

being weighed for racing and they keep asking me if i was carrying weights before cause im too light, risking literal disqualification. my bad im underweight lemme just gain 5 kgs yea

blood sugar too low

blood pressure too high

and its all cause of stress, get it away from me. let me have some decent rest after not having any for YEARS. insomnia also goes crazy

this is your fault "dad" you fucking asshole

havent seen my irl friends in weeks, they know im not doing great. im trying to trust them, open up.

no one checked on me in weeks, thats what i get for being vaunrable

-

why is the sport i fell in love with so damn expensive

the only thing that feels freeing, when i feel at peace, when im driving. i can barely afford it, im working my ass off for every euro i can get so i can drive. idd do anything to be able to drive more but its just imposible

i would open commisions or a shop or somthing but im too burnt out to handle a shop and i barely get drawings out as is. cant even draw something for myself how am i supposed to draw something for someone else.

hard to get out of bed again

-

"youll find someone when youre older"

"oh youre just so young you will expierence love some day"

"its alright i didnt know what love was at your age either"

shut up seriously

i have dated multiple people men, women, people who were figuring themselves out

ive tried liking them, ive tried liking the things they wanted to expirement with, ive tried putting myself out there being open to becoming close to someone. mentally and physically.

i dont want it

i dont get it

why is everyone getting into relationships or wanting them

i never fucking understood

i know i dont want anything romantic, i know i dont want anything sexual. stop telling me romantic/sexual relationships are normal and ill "find someone who changes the way i feel about them"

i know i wont, dont force me into more unwanted relationships im uncomfterble with and just end up hurting the other person

atp calling me heartless for rejecting someone is better than loosing another person whos dear to me by dating them cause "social conformity"

romantic fiction is the closest i get to understanding because i never will, ill always keep fantisising about being able to feel what most feel. but i will never feel romantic love

(drowing myself in lialex ig is an result of that)

[kuzuhina1brainrot]

Have wip

rambling and stupid shit under. Venting I guess! (Long, If u even end up reading this shit)

This. This was the one week off I had and I spent it laying in bed and cleaning and shit instead of drawing and stuff like I’d hope. Last week I was like omg I’m gonna be them drawing so much ill reach 220!!! Because I had ideas. I’m still at 215 rn. I only get the motivation when I don’t have the time why couldn’t it have stayed. 😞 I haven’t drawn much this week and that may sound like nothing but it’s weird because usually I’m able to keep up and constantly do stuff.

Every year, April is the worst for me mentally ????Like. Bad.somehow it just is. so don’t expect much this month from me lol.!! Unless I end up feeling bad and trying to pump out shit

like we are 4 days in and I have not been feeling good

it’s weird, as soon April came my mood dropped further and further. the worse it gets, the more I try to distract myself from it. YESTERDAY I SPENT MY WHOLE MORNING THINKING ABOUT GRAVEYARDS AND I KEEP STAYING UP UNTIL 1 IN THE MORNING WHEN I ACTUALLY DON’T NEED TO BECAUSE NOW I HAVE THIS WEIRD FEELING GROWING ON ME WHERE I JUST DONT WANNA LEAVE MY FRIENDS AND STOP TALKING EVEN IF IM TIRED? I LITERALLY WAIT UNTIL EVERYONES OFFLINE TO SLEEP LMAO?? The changes I’ve noticed altogether: not motivated to even draw Kuzuhina which is odd, eating junk and like no real food at all unless someone reminds me to, staying up for my friends, not wanting to get out of bed and do shit I’m supposed to. And then next week I gotta go back. Kill me ion wanna

I know it’s a bunch of little stuff, it’s just weird

anyway love u person reading go eat and get water or something have good day or night goofy

[rottytops]

squid thoughts after finalfest...

readmore bc i dont think anyone cares or even knows who runs this blog anymore but anyways

squids huh...........i have such a weird and intimate relationship with splatoon, i was SO into it when s1 came out i literally wouldnt shut up about it, i was on fucking. SQUIDBOARDS everyday pre-release sucking up all the info i could on splats, and i played it to absolute death too. at the end of s1 for final fest i was in a really weird housing situation bc i was leaving college and my like 2 month lease at my apartment i couldnt afford was running out, but i dont think i had a tv or something? so i had to use the apartment's like...public office room to play that final fest at like 2AM (i was team marie of course)

then splat 2 happened and i think splatoon was like, my entire life for several years no joke. i fell into a big splatoon community, got really into making splatoon art and OCs, had tons of splat friends, it was kind of a whirlwind. splatoon was the launching pad i used to get into freelancing commissions which is really funny in retrospect because i could not and still cannot figure out how to draw the inkling mask to save my life.

those were really really fun days and i still consider 2 the peak of my interest in the series as well as my favorite splat game + idol group, the good days in my splat fanbse didnt last forever though since my mental health and the difficulties of freelancing ate me alive in a way that im only just now recovering from, but that doesnt tarnish the memory or anyhting, the friends i made during s2's run are some of the closest ive ever had and im still with them even today, so i guess in a way splatoon 2 affected my life in a way only comparable to like...the disgaea series which is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING

but that brings me to 3 which is definitely when i fell off of the splat boat and wanted to move on. to be honest a lot of drama happened post 2's end that made me not wanna look at splat 3 at all but of course i caved and bough it anddddddd barely even played it, lol...i missed a ton of the catalog battle pass things and didnt feel the need to play that much, i didnt even get side order until like 2 months ago... it makes me sad to think that something so important to me is just not quite for me anymore, even if i love it dearly, part of that i think is just ive accepted im REALLY BAD AT SHOOTERS no matter what. a million hours in 1 and 2 and my aim is still super bad, i was able to get all X rank in S2 but in S3 i can barely land my shots or use my brella and had to swap to the 52 gal...its embarassing! i think id get really into a splatoon RPG or something, so maybe they just need to make a splatoon spinoff for me to get absurdly hooked to it but for now im pretty content closing a book on playing the games

but man, final fest made me realize how much splatoon has done for me over the years, i think ill always adore the world and its characters, even if i dont keep up with the games very much. im a little miffed team past won beecase even if i love the squid sisters, i reaaaally dont wanna see them doing more idol stuff. let those bitches retire!!! theyre like 30 now and still doing the same songs and outfits they wore nearly 10 years ago!! aauuhg, though i guess me caring so much about virtual squid idols shows how much the series still means to me...

i dont have any closing thoughts and i dont think anyone read this far either but it does feel very nice to word vomit on my blog which i. do not do. anymore. for some reason..

i love splatoon a lot i think, maybe i should just draw squids without playing the games...i think ill do that...

[mostspecialgirl]

i dont think i can do “artist spaces” anymore because i’m really stupid. - ramble post with no point or central focus aside from making myself feel less weird

like…. i’m stupid. and i like it! But every artist i meet is like some kind of super genius and irs kind of nuts, everyone’s got such vision and intelligence and honed skill and all these interesting things about their lives and practice away from the arts and i’m some kind of inert orb who doesn't have much soul in her work aside from "isnt this cool like a animes" or "this is how im feeling". at least when it comes to Drawinf a Pitures.

i can deal with spaces where everyone’s just hanging out and Some People Happen to be Artists but spaces primarily composed of people steeped in the arts actually remind me that i'm a socially inept cavewoman who barely knows how to use the microwave. sufficiently talented artists ('sufficient' referring to people who have labelled themself an artist and have been online for more than 2 years) who i end up talking to online are 80% of the time some kind of Art Student Med Student Math Prodigy or Mentally Ill Genius Socially Inept Outsider Artist with insane Honed Unique Skill and when you apply that 80% to a whole lump of people in a GC or a Discord Server where the other 20% don't really talk there it gets real mentally exhausting as someone generally quite unimpressive and classically unskilled.

i dunno. I just kind of find it interesting that people with such talent, skill, wit, and (as ive repeated endlessly) intelligence are always drawn to the arts. a lot of my friends ive made who are very smart people ive learned 3 years into the friendship they used to do painting studies and are some kind of closet picasso while ive been showing them my meager collection of shale and sediment. is the pursuit of the artistic a mark of something deeper? what must one’s character lack to not seek creative self expression? what separates a creator from a consumer, and the blind from the perceptive? is creating art for the simple purpose of “cool and fun” shallow? does that answer change with ones talent? what is shallow art? is there truly such a thing?

cough

anyway. i’m just kind of a dumb baby, and it makes me sad that i never really feel like i can talk about art with most people because i don’t know anything. i’m not looking for construction or anything, i just want to be able to say “isn’t making something fun” without being reminded of my own inadequacies. i feel like art shouldn’t have to be this “smart” thing, and it isn’t, but art itself draws in the smart, and so like in many other spaces i feel a bit outcasted. obviously the solution here is to talk to MINORS from TIKTOK (gets cancelled)

but i really dunno. i feel stupid a lot these days and i feel like there aren’t any spaces that fit me, even when on paper these should be the spaces i should be in. even off the paper, anywhere i go i can’t help but feel like a bit of a bump on a log. like an erroneously flipped bit. i’m the stray ray from the sun beamed into the nintendo 64. that’s how i feel among other people, no matter who i’m with. it’s strange, because i really do like myself. i’ve passed a lot of the self deprecation and self doubt that used to chain me, and is it strange to say i believed casting those aside would help me find a bit more belonging among other people?

it hasn’t! life’s the same! maybe worse? i’m not self actualized or anything, but i think i’ve really grown as a person, so it’s sort of sucky that i fit better in place as a problem child. well i suppose as the Old Ones spoke, every group needs The Rick Friend. meeting people is hard. wanting to stay among people i’ve met is even harder. i like to blame a lot of it on the Modern Internet and the sheer amount of how many people have invaded my once cozy corners. with The Net these days being less of a space for Niche Freaks and instead being Grandma And Your Little Cousin Just Saw You Post Your Wiener On Instagram i’d think it’s only natural i’m running into less likeminded people. but i dunno. i feel like some of it’s my fault. i’m a weird little giblet of a girl, aren’t i? and man do i EVER hate people. I’m a big hater.

everybody i meet these days just makes me drool because everyone’s some kind of Valorant Edater or Reddit Object Show Minor or The Hypersexual or Someone I’m Too Intimidated By or Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Talking To Me. where’s Literally Anything Else. Everyone i meet these days fits into those categories. Give me anything else. What is wrong with my Spaces

i really don’t know how people make friends online these days. i’m always posting these days about Haha I Need Friends and Haha I Need A Wife that falls endlessly into the empty infinite void (much like now) for a reason. no matter where i seem to go, i walk dragging my feet, half-lidded and unengaged with a soft scowl on my face. i’ll figure it out, right? i’ll certainly make new friends, right? because i have to, right?

i dont wanna go to work tomorrow dude

[termagax]

sometimes people do ask me for advice on how to love their own art more and i always feel bad that i dont have very good tips. but i think the thing that helped me get so comfortable is that my own art is all super self-indulgent, so when i want to look at content of like, my ocs or whatever, i HAVE to look at my own stuff. it means i look at my own art a LOT, and i have an intense fondness for the subject matter, so it helps me feel better looking at it. even the ones i dont so much like i can smile and go but my friend is here!!!!

combine that with a naturally very analytical eye. i am the Noticer i always notice every detail in my own art and the other art i look at and with a lot of time and practice i have a pretty good sense of critique that i dont invest a lot of emotion into? like you guys have seen me blab abt my pieces before i notice every shortcoming and its just a matter of a)accepting that the piece needs to be finished at some point regardless of if i can fix it and b)knowing what to do better on next time. it also helps to use that eye to look at VERY old art and compare it to what you do now. i love looking at art from when i was like. 12-17 and comparing it to current stuff, you can see the foundations for a lot of what i do now and it really helps to get a benchmark for how much x amount of time will do for your skill. im especially fond of doing year-gap comparisons, youll see me post all the time abt what i was up to this month last year because i think a uear is the perfect amnt of time to see my art grow. close enough that a lot of the process is more or less the same and you remember making them but distant enough tjat there is marked improvement and visible change. being able to see your progress REALLY helps u feel better imo, it gives you a sense of "if this is what i did this year, imagine where ill be NEXT year"

thats the other thing i do is like..my art is ROUGH its messy and fast and i like it that way. it makes every piece lower stakes because i know i can just do it again. or finish this one whenever i feel like and move on to something else. or come back in three weeks to change something. im not very precious with my work. i keep everything in one massive file and take grainy screenshots of my program to post stuff and i have no file organization and i regularly lose them on accident to autosave failures and other such stupidness. but i think u have to break that sacredness in order to lower the stakes for yourself. it helped me overcome a lot of my art anxieties and self loathing when i just accepted that like. if i rlly hated something in my sketchbook i could just tape something over it. or tear the page out. if a drawing isnt going well i can just delete the layer or erase the whole thing. its not sacred and messing up isnt the end of the process, yk? this is also why i try not to spend more than like. 2 hours on any given piece. because then i sunk cost myself because i Have to see it through and then i push out a picture i dont like just because i felt like i Had to finish it.

in general just try to notice when your art makes you feel bad and investigate the source of those bad feelings and try to mitigate them. i always burn out when i try to "finish" a piece "properly", so i stop working on something once i stop feeling it. i hated looking at my own work so i only drew things that made me happy to look at. consistency in style/process bores me so i dont bother with it. your art is FOR you. you are the only audience that matters. the process has to be fun or you wont ever want to do it. GO FIND THE FUN

[tema-makes-art-sometimes]

Overdue Life Update

I know I havent drawn or posted much tbh ive been in such an art slump and havent done much in terms of doodles, Ive been spending a lot of time with kyo and crew rping in vrchat and testing and retesting stuff for 2pdtalia. Sorry I havent updated you all

recently one of my codevs dropped out of every game project I had with them and dropped off the face of the earth, and my other codev has been struggling with personal matters so the promise I made for 2pdt I dont think Ill be able to do on my own. so for now Im going to just slowly chip away on it this year, tho if you all wanna see weird screenshots of my code lmk Id be happy to share

Im still going to try to post more often and i will hopefully soon be able to draw some more. Ive just been kind of taking a break, focusing on finishing the minibios for all my 2ps and learning more with rpgmaker.

tbh when this happened I decided to take a step back and go through a lot of my aus and projects and cut fat and decided to shelf a lot of my projects and try to narrow down what Im working on. I have so many things I want to work on- I want to do so much because I often feel like I dont produce enough for as long as I have been here, and so many people have supported me I feel like I need to produce something completely so people will be proud. Not to mention I just have so much au ideas and beans for creation but I am so eternally drained and exhausted its an intense balancing act with my health conditions.

But for now Im just going to keep learning systems and fiddling with mini ideas. I need to stop being afraid of not living up to an invisible standard, but also need to remember to take time to improve and actually see things through to the end. Just wanted to update you where Ive been, I hope yall are well <3