#i dont think i can explain to u the joy i felt when i ​saw this on my dash

[95enthusiast]

,,,,,,so i kinda went overboard 😃

i kinda fell in love with this design tho i’d love to draw more 🕺

concept: lightning mcqueen spiderman

Lmaoooo cringe who would think about that…..could neeever be me ever

[chailovesu]

hi chai !! i’m a bit anxious to ask my question because i feel like no matter how i explain things, people can’t exactly hit the nail on what i mean or tend to be hostile. but, i do feel comforted by your blog and decided to send in an ask! i’m an infj-t (the rarest and one of the most complex personality type) so that plays a major factor when it come to manifesting.

as one, i’m an overthinker, one who is in my imagination/head a lot and tend to get anxious and stress quite easily. i’ve tried many things (deciding, a+p, vision boards, scripting, praying) and tend to be stagnant because of me doubting if i’m doing enough (which is associated with my mbti) or if i’m doing it correctly. this tends to leave me frustrated, leaving my mind numb, and overall overwhelmed. it’s genuinely tiring and breaks me down everytime because i desire to live a life of joy. do you have any suggestions on how i can overcome this hurdle of mine?

p.s. though it may sound like it, i do not believe i am giving power to my mbti. my intention in stating my personality type was for you to understand how i think and function as a person (giving that sense of intimacy, per se). it personally had helped me to understand how i function as a person.

thank u in advance <3

hii! im glad you felt comfortable sending this ask i watched some videos abt the infj-t personality type so i could fully understand how to help you

from what im seeing in these videos it seems like infj's do tend to overthink and avoid doing things bc of procrastination but they also seem to be very firm in their beliefs which is actually really good for manifesting

if u tend to be in your head/imagination alot u can use that to ur advantage like i think you would like a+p with saturation bc its a constant and your brain literally always responds to repetition

but also visualization i have aphantasia so i personally dont use visualization and whenever i see the word imagine i kinda just translate it to think so if u meant seeing then visualization if u meant thinking a+p

also to not feel overwhelmed you could try manifesting things 1 by 1 and then having a list of the things u would like to manifest (i saw having things pre-planned helps alot of infjs) and maybe meditate before you do it

theres not just one right way to manifest its really wtv method you liked most you just have to tell yourself im doing it right ofc i am like discipline

(credit to my moot tenbinary on twitter) this is what i mean like the only way u can "fail" is by telling yourself you failed or going back on what u affirmed/visualized instantly

i get how acknowledging that your a intj helps you understand yourself better its not giving your power away unless u were literally like "it is impossible for me to manifest because im a infj" im a infp + a cancer and while i know that zodiacs/personality types dont rlly mean anything unless u think it does i still like to have fun relating to cancer content i see

i hope this helped you atleast a little bit and if u need anymore help feel free to send another ask or message me <3

[lavendersage]

i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

[wreckofawriter]

Different

Pairing: Teddy Lupin x reader

Word Count: 2,652

Warnings: None.

Request: omg could u pls write me something like a teddy lupin x reader

A/n: Okkk so I dont exscatly love this story but whatever I hope you guys enjoy!

You were different. That was no secret, since the moment you walked on to Platform 9 ¾ everyone had known you were different. No one knew how they knew, they just knew. 

When you walked onto that train surrounded by terrified first years without a fear in the world, Edward Lupin fell in love with you. Of course at 11 years old he had no clue what love was, he just knew you were unique, and he liked it.

Teddy had looked for 20 minutes to find your cabin, and when he did, you merely glanced at him and asked, "What do you want?" 

When he replied explaining how he wanted to sit there you simply shrug your shoulders as he took a seat. 

The next time he and everyone else in that hall realized you were different is when they called you up to be sorted.

McGonagall yelled, "Y/n y/l/n!" And you had skipped up to the hat a sly smirk plastered on your face. You plopped yourself into the seat, still smirking and waited. 

The hat took it's time, 3 and a half minutes to be exact, to put you in a house. Your smirk grew fainter and fainter with every passing second. 

When the hat belted, "Hufflepuff!" And a chorus of cheers erupted from the black and yellow table, Teddy was terrified. The look on your face was that of pure hatred, loathing and fury. Teddy feared for his life. 

You stood up thrust the hat into McGonagall's hand and stomped to the recently cheerful and now confused table. You plop yourself down as far away from anyone as you could. 

Teddy was called up soon afterward and nervously ascended to the hat. He sat down with a bit of a smile and waited. It took a few seconds of muttering before shouting, "Hufflepuff!" 

Teddy was elated as the table erupted with cheers. When he neared the group he changed his hair to bright yellow with black stripes and the cheers grew louder. He smiled wide until his eyes landed on you. 

Your head was down, your y/h/c hair sprawled across the table. You were definitely not cheering with joy. 

Teddy had once again swallowed his fear and sat across from you. The motion caused you to look up meet his hazel eyes. 

You raised both your eyebrows and pressed your lips into a thin line. Teddy broke into a toothy smile, "I'm Teddy." He stuck out his hand.

You rolled your eyes and let your head fall back into the table. Teddy frowned and dropped his hand. He had never been more intrigued by someone in his life, what was your deal?

Now as Teddy watched you entered the potions classroom, your eyes grew brighter and the touch of a smile grazed your lips. He wished to see that smile more often, it made his heart flutter and his knees go weak. 

"Alright." Slughorn said pulling Teddy out of his daze, "Today we are studying the Draught of Living Dead potion." 

"Great, kill me so I can get out of this lesson." Teddy snickered.

"Contrary to popular belief Mr. Lupin," Slughorn glared at the boy, "The Draught of Living Dead potion does not kill you. Does anyone know what it does?"

Many hands shot in the air and Teddy looked down, embarrassed. 

"Ms. Y/l/n?"

"When someone drinks the Draught of Living Death potion, they go into a deep sleep so strong that they appear to be dead," she paused for a moment before adding "hence the name, living dead." 

Teddy scoffed, attempting to ignore the color creeping onto his face. "Wouldn't that still get me out of this lesson?"

"I suppose." Slughorn drawled. "Anyway, we are going to make some today, flip to page 245 to see the recipe and get started."

Teddy began to gather ingredients as his desk mate, Ash Winpicker, found a cauldron. 

As the two went on they had to restart the potion 3 times, not because they didn't know how to do it -in fact both boys were quite bright- but because Teddy preferred his performance as the class clown than doing work and Ash was welcome to help. 

Finally when Teddy turned his head into an Asian Dragon to "collect hair for the potion" Slughorn had had enough.

"Mr. Lupin! You are disrupting the whole class." Slughorn seethed.

"Just doing my job sir." Teddy saluted him throwing the professor a wink.

"Mr. Lupin, please switch spots with Ms. Hetler."

Teddy groaned snatching his stuff turning around to see Monica Helter taking his spot. He walked towards the front and nearly choked on his saliva when he saw his new seat.

There you were, you y/e/c glaring him down. 

"Hey y/n." He choked out.

"Lupin." You growled, lips pursed. 

Teddy sat down mentally cursing himself.

After a few seconds of silence Teddy cleared his throat. 

"Don't we have to, you know, make the potion?" Teddy asked gesturing to the cauldron.

You let out a snort, "Well you see, when you actually do work, you tend to finish the potion." 

His eyes went wide, "You're already done?" 

"Yep." You said making the 'p' pop on your lips. 

"H-how?" The young boy stuttered out.

"Well, you see it's called working," you smiled sarcastically, "you should try it some time." 

Teddy blushed, his hair flashing crimson before returning to the sapphire blue he had adopted over the past few years.

He glanced at the potion to notice the continents looked exactly as described in the book; it was a light lilac color and the consistency of water.

Teddy let his eyes fall back onto you. You had your head bowed over, your y/h/l y/h/c hanging in your face as your y/e/c eyes were glued to the glowing screen held in your hands.

Smirking, Teddy leaned over and tapped you on the shoulder, "Hey Y/n." 

"What." You snapped lifting your head to greet his hazel eyes.

"I don't think phones are allowed."  The Hufflepuff smiled raising an eyebrow. 

"And I don't think I care." You hissed back.

The boy was about to throw another snide remark when he saw Slughorn out of the corner of his eye. 

Teddy promptly snatched your phone from your hand ignoring your protests.

"Mr. Lupin, do you have a phone out in class?" Slughorn bellowed noticing the small device.

"Ummm yes professor sorry." Teddy said looking up at the teacher apologetically.

"You know that is a violation of school rules," the frustrated professor said snatching the device from his hands, "You can get this back when you see me in detention at then of this week and I will be expecting to see you every night until then." 

"Yes professor." Teddy mumbled.

"Also 15 points from Hufflepuff." 

Every Hufflepuff in the room groaned, well not every. During this whole conversation you sat there wide eyed mouth agape as you watched Teddy Lupin take the fall for you. 

When the conversation ended you stared at the boy so confused and surprised you couldn't get yourself to do anything but stare.

Teddy looked back at you blushing a bit and biting his lip.

Finally you managed to speak, "W-why?" 

"What?" Teddy asked glancing at you again.

You cleared your throat and blinked a few times. "Why did you do that?" 

"Wouldn't want to ruin your Ms. Perfect reputation would we?" Teddy mocked.

"Please no one thinks of me as 'ms. perfect'" You scoffed.

"Slughorn does" he shrugged.

You exhaled loudly and tried to forget about it. He was just, being compulsively nice for some reason. After all he was a true Hufflepuff.

For the next week you attempted to get Edward Lupin out of your head. Unfortunately the stubborn bastard refused to move. He was cemented into your brain like your frontal lobe was branded with an image of him in a hot iron. 

Questions floated in your head. Why save you from punishment and humiliation? What had you ever done except ignore and scoff at the boy to make him take a weeks worth of detention for you? You did your best to ignore such thoughts but they seemed to leak into your head like a cracked boat leaking water; it was a slow process but if not attended to, you would drown. 

You had always found Teddy to be a strange person, I mean besides the whole  metamorphmagus thing. He was always nice and kind, to almost everyone. But here was the real thing that got to you. He was always nice and kind to you. Ever since that day when he shyly walked into your train compartment and the two of you sat in silence the whole ride, the day you got placed in the one house you never thought you would be, and never wanted to be, when the black and yellow haired boy had returned and tried to be your friend once again. 

You had never done anything for him and he seemed to constantly be helping you. He would somehow always be there with candy when you were stressed studying for N.E.W.Ts even though you would just scoff at his jokes he told in attempts to relax you. He was there when you lost your quidditch game and you had felt like crying, you had felt so vulnerable you had smacked the boy in the face with your broom and ran. He was there when you got rejected by Thomas Dunston and when you were dumped by Alex Gelman. He seemed to always be there and you always brushed it off. 

For the longest time you were sure it was simply pity, but now you knew it wasn't so. Because when you looked into the boy's eyes just after he snatched the phone from your hands there was no pity in them. There was this new yet not so new glint of an emotion you couldn't quite place.

Now as you stared down at your plate of food there was Teddy again. Your eyes lifted to meet him. 

"Heres your phone." Teddy winked, leaning over the table to hand you the device.

"Thanks?" You inquired, uncertain about the wink. 

"My numbers in it, you should give me a call some time." He winked again.

You let out a breathy laugh suddenly coming to a realization, "Hold up, are you flirting with me?" 

Teddy burst out laughing, you sat there quite confused. You waited as his laughter turned to giggles and then finally tapered off. Finally he spoke, "Godric, for being so bright you are really stupid." He giggled. 

You blushed hoping he wouldn't notice the slight tinge on your cheeks.

He laughed again, " Merlin y/n, I have been flirting with since I was 11 years old."

"W-what?" 

"Yeah, I've been trying to get your attention for six years. Nice of you to finally notice." Teddy then stood up and began to walk away. 

"Wait!" You yelled standing Teddy stopped just outside of the hall and you ran to meet him. You stopped in front of him. "Why didn't you say something?" 

"I did say something!" Teddy said exasperated. 

"No you didn't!" You fought back.

"Are you kidding?! I complimented you daily. I always tried to sit next to you in classes and during meals, I always study with you even though you ignore me. I make sure that I draw attention to myself in class, just to get you to look my way, when I go to hogsmeade I never leave without acid pops even though I hate the things because I know you love them, I always sit across from you in the library because you make cute little faces at your book and homework!" Teddy bellowed his voice raising with each word. 

"Well I just thought you pitied me!" You howled, anger flowing through you.

"Pitied you?! Y/n I have been in love with you since I saw you step onto that Platform six years ago!" 

Your eyes went from glaring slits to wide with surprise. "Y-you love me?" You choked out.

"Shit." Teddy mumbled burying his face in his hands. His hair was a soft lavender now turning a midnight blue. "Look it's just…" he groaned in frustration, "You have always been different to me, the way you do everything is unique and amazing. You have always been this mystery I have been trying to figure out and..." He sighed, letting his sentence die.

You stood there eyes wide in almost a daze, how could he possibly love you, you were the Hufflepuff mistake, the only mean Hufflepuff, the girl who was put in the wrong house and he was the Hufflepuff prince, the one who belonged, the funniest one, the one who was always destined to be, it wasn't right.

"Look I'm just going to go." 

"Wait Teddy," you grabbed his shoulder then paused looking up at the boy, unsure of what to say. "I act so.. different because, well I was sure of what was going to happen." You took a step closer to his confused state. "I was sure I was going to get on that train ride to Hogwarts where I would get sorted into Slytherin and make some shitty friends who were shitty to other people then I would focus on my grades become a prefect and graduate in the top 10% of my class, just like my parents did and I wouldn't be different at all." You took another step closer, "All of that changed the second that you stepped into my carriage. I suddenly wanted to be your friend and I knew you weren't going to be a shitty one. So I silently hoped to be put in a different house so you wouldn't hate me. Then when I got sorted into one house I knew I could never fit into, everything went to shit, my parents were pissed at me when I just wanted them to be proud and I guess I sort of.. I don't know, blamed it on you." 

Now Teddy was the surprised one. "Oh." 

"Yeah oh." You shrugged. "I am really sorry for blowing you off all those years I just…" you let your voice trailed off when Teddy took another step closer to you. 

"So you don't hate me?" He asked his voice soft.

"Well no, I don't think I've ever really hated you." You whispered heart thumping as you bite your lip looking up at the hazel eyed boy. 

"Good, then I can do this." Teddy smirked.

"Do wh-" you were cut off by his lips. 

Your eyes widened in surprise then closed as you melted quickly into his kiss, moving slowly against his desperate lips. Your heart felt like it was punching out of your chest,  your knees went weak. You wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him impossibly closer as he poked his tongue between your lips. 

When you pulled away panting his hair was a hot pink to match your cheeks. 

"Woah." You whispered, eyes wide, lips swollen. 

Teddy's smile grew on his pink lips as he let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah woah." He giggled. 

You smiled biting your bottom lip missing his own.

"So you'll go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?" The Hufflepuff asked.

"Of course." You answered reaching up and bringing your fingers through his hot pink hair. "See you then."

"Great!" Teddy said smiling wider than he was sure he ever had.

You giggled turning away from the overly enthusiastic boy.

Teddy watched as you retreated from him. The second you were out of view he leapt in the air whooping and pumping his fist, little did he know you were around the corner hand tracing your own lips  as you leaned against the corridor wall smiling just as wide.

[pinkykitten]

The Maze

Thomas x Taylor 

Warning: death, violence, cursing, spoilers (if u have not seen the movie dont read this)

Specifics: angst, fluff, romance, comedy, gifs, pics, aesthetics, oc, oc story, plus size, 600 followers competition 

People: too many to put down srry 

Words: 15,987 (omg this is the longest thing ive ever written in my life)

Requested: By @fyeahtaylorp (cannot tag) Ok so My OC’s name is Taylor she’s 5,5, plus size, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she’s sassy and confident most of the time. I was thinking maybe rebel Wilson as the actress she resembles. I want her to be with Thomas from the maze runner. I was thinking that they meet in the maze and she’s been there longer than him and they start as friends but when they escape the maze they grow closer especially after she’s taken away from the group when they get to wicked. Maybe she’s scared Thomas is into Teresa or Brenda but he’s is in love with her and she finds that out when he thinks something has happened to her and idk how to end it 😅😂

Authors Note: FINALLY IM ABOUT TO POST THIS AGHGHGHGHGH i am so srry this took so long ive been stressed lately and dealing with some personal issues but omg im so happy how this came out! i hope u guys like it as well and also its super long lol im srry. couple of things, i did not re read this cuz its too much so if there r mistakes then u know im not surprised. also i made my mind that i am not doing this every 100 more followers i get instead its every 300 more followers i get so next time i do a oc competition story will be when i reach 900 followers or if i lol thank u guys for the follow and i am totally getting back to writing i have a lot of things coming up that im excited for yay! hope u enjoy and thank u for requesting! 

previous oc story for my 500 followers: Erik Killmonger x oc Calantha Morrison 

“Stephen, Stephen...I need you. I’m scared.”

With a fright she woke up. Not understanding if her thoughts in her head while she slept were a dream or a reality. Everything she had just played in her mind was like a memory, it was as if Taylor lived through them.

She saw the sun beginning to rise, this was a sign to show her it was the start of the day. Her life seemed to be endless, it seemed to have no meaning. Everyday was unknown, unknown of where she came from or anything before the maze. She was stuck with many, many other young boys around her age, and some younger. It was unfair she felt to her and to the others.

“Where did I come from?” Taylor would ask herself from time to time, really pondering on that question.

As Taylor got up to start the day she got dressed in her ripped jeans and her long sleeve shirt, wearing her boots with it. “Time to begin the day.” She breathed out into the cool air but then she felt her most prized possession. Without even realizing she lifted her hand to touch her necklace. When she first arrived at the maze she was left with the necklace. It must mean something, but if only she knew what it meant, or who gave it to her? What did it signify?

“Hey Newt, hope you slept well,” Taylor smiled as she met with Newt for breakfast her stomach rumbling at the smell of Frypan’s food.

Newt chuckled, patting her arm as the walked to the others, “someone sounds hungry-

Taylor playfully hit his arm, “what’s that supposed to mean?

Newts face went pale as he thought that he had hurt Taylor’s feelings, “oh my, I’m sorry Tay.” She just laughed, “you’re fine Newt. But a girl’s gotta eat!”

Newt laughed at her statement and flung his arm over her shoulders, patting her soft arm in the process. They both walk to the breakfast area. Taylor sniffs the air and motions her way to the food. 

Taylor wiped her mouth as she stood up, enjoying her breakfast especially since she spent it with her friends. It was tough being the only girl in the Glade. Nobody there understood her, they tried to but it was difficult. It was just biology, she was a female and they, they were inexperienced boys. 

As Taylor’s boots trudged through the high, green grass she looked at the huge stone cold walls. The maze it what made everything in life seem impossible. Taylor stared at it, maybe if she stared at it long enough it would go away, but sure enough the concrete barriers were still there, almost seeming to laugh at her. 

“Hey you okay Tay?” Newt asked, concerned as he placed his hand on her shoulder. A smile growing on his lips. 

Taylor nodded and laughed, “yeah I was just thinking thats all. So these tulips, they are very beautiful.” Your hands landed on the flowers of Newt’s garden. The petals were soft and the scent was so pleasing. “Good job Newt, these are gorgeous!”

“Well, you helped me out with them, remember?”

Taylor chuckled, “yeah, I do.” She went to start by getting more suitable dirt for the produce and started taking out any weeds. Then watering them and adding food. 

As Taylor was about to replant some items she heard a lot of commotion coming from, “the box...”

Taylor sprinted to the elevator. All the boys were making a commotion. She squeezed through them and saw...him. Her heart started to beat fast as his light brown eyes met hers. Her blue ocean eyes widened when she saw him. She felt like she had met this boy before but she didn’t know where or how. When the boy’s face lands on her he seems to take a pause and as if inspect her. Gally takes him out of the box and they all corner him, not giving the newcomer space. 

“Hey guys give him some space!” Taylor shouted at the other boys, pushing them away from the newbie. Just then the newcomer makes a run for it. 

“We got a runner!” One of the kid yells. 

Taylor mentally slaps herself at how the others treated the new one. As the new boy falls and trips on the grass, Taylor motions to him. 

“Hello new one, I’m Taylor.” She stuck out her hand, a smile on her face. “Welcome home.”

Taylor and Newt show the ropes to the new kid, him still not remembering his name which she told him he will later on remember but his past will be always forgotten. She explained how everyone in the Glade has a job. “Alby, our leader, was the first one here, but we all have jobs here. Newt likes to garden.”

“And what do you do?” The boy asked, really interested in Taylor. 

Taylor put her hands on her hip all sassy, “well me-”

“Oh no here we go,” Newt laughed, knowing Taylor was about to make a speech of how important and how amazing her job is. 

“I’m a map maker. We have our runners who run the maze and every time they finish the maze they come to me! They tell me whats changed and what to add more. Its a team work and yes Newt to me it is one of the most important jobs. Just saying!”

As Taylor said this the runner came out of the Maze before it closed. 

With Newt’s permission Taylor shows the boy all the different areas and just a little bit about everything of his new home. 

They two sit on a log by the fire with the rest of the kids. Taylor hands the boy a drink to which he thinks taste bad. 

“So out there,” the boy points to the maze. “What happens out there?”

Taylor knew what horrible monster crawled those wall but she did not want to scare the new one, “I don’t really know, remember I’m no runner and for good reason. I could never run all that, I’m too slow.”

The boy laughs, “does anyone stay the night in the maze?”

Taylor shakes her head, her golden blonde hair also moving with her, “no, they wouldn’t survive. I don’t think, but any ways this is your first day here. Lets not worry about those things and instead worry about you having some fun tonight.” She saw the boy was not having it and was not wanting to have fun. With a sigh she sat firmly next to him. “Do you see those stars?”

The boy looks to the black sky, “there are millions of stars.”

“Yeah but these are yours.” She grabbed the boy’s hand and lead him to a bright twinkling star. “I can see that you are going to do just fine here. In fact many will trust, respect, and one will truly love you forever. Your time here will be something of learning and teaching to everyone.”

The boy nodded with surprise, “you got that all from that star, or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

“The stars never lie Greenie.” She puts her hand out to him as he takes it. They stand up to talk somewhere more private but as they do Gally throws a guy to the boy. 

They both start competing. “Okay Gally thats enough, he’s new here!” Taylor shouts to him over the other boys screaming and cheering. As she thought that the newbie would not win he pushes Gally to the floor. Everyone including Taylor cheers for the boy, but Gally kicks him making the greenie fall on his head. 

“My name is Thomas.” The boy stands up screaming with pure joy. “My name is Thomas, its Thomas!”

“Hooray for Thomas,” Taylor exclaims, slapping a hand on Thomas’s shoulder. The crowd goes wild for him. 

“Welcome home Thomas,” Alby says as he hand him a drink. 

The next day was hectic. One of the runners named Ben was stung by a griever and he attacked Thomas. Taylor heard the commotion and helped Newt hit Ben on the head with a shovel. Then Alby told the boys to lift Ben’s shirt. Seeing the stung made Taylor’s heart ache, she can see the pain and sadness of knowing in Ben’s eyes. She left with tears in her eyes. 

Taylor, Chuck and Alby all sat Thomas down to explain what had happened, to explain the nightmares that lay beyond those walls. 

She knew what was to happen the next day though. Ben is forced to enter into the maze and left their to die. There is no cure for the stung. Seeing this made Taylor cry, hating the outcome of life. 

Later on, Minho who is the lead runner and Alby go in the maze to retrace Ben’s steps. 

As Taylor awaited for them she spent the time with Thomas. Her hands were sweaty and she was nervous for them. Thomas made her feel safe and better. 

“I’m scared Thomas. I wish Ben’s life would not have ended that way, I hate when this happens.”

Thomas grabbed her hand and reassuringly rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. The action made Taylor blush and feel some sort of attraction to the newbie. “Every things gonna be fine Tay, remember the stars.” He smiled to her as he moved a piece of stray hair behind her ear. 

Taylor held onto Thomas’s hand and onto her necklace, just awaiting for the others. 

Finally at dusk Taylor and the others wait my the entrance of the maze. The doors have opened but there is no Minho or Alby. Taylor’s heart starts to pound, fast. She is frightened and scared. With her left hand to her lips she quickly searches for Thomas’s hand, her right soft one clasping his calloused hand.

“Why are they taking so long.” She whispered under her breath, clutching onto Thomas hand harder. 

“C’mon guys can’t we send someone after them?” Thomas asked, already looking worried. 

Gally squatting by the floor says, “that’s against the rules.”

Taylor rolls her eyes and massages her temple. 

“Either they make it back or they don’t.”

Newt looks at Taylor and Thomas, “can’t risk loosing anyone else.”

Suddenly, a huge gust of wind blows at the group awaiting. Taylor puts her arm up to shield herself from the particles in the wind. 

Then the maze gears start to turn and the maze walls start closing slowly. 

“Oh no,” Chuck whispers. 

“No please no,” Taylor starts to panic. Seeing the door start to close. 

“There,” points Thomas. 

In the distance of the maze Minho is carrying Alby, it seems as if he is hurt. 

“Oh my god look there right there,” Taylor shouts, feeling happy that she sees them, but they are so far away. 

“Wait something is wrong,” Newt points out. 

“Oh no,” Taylor says worried. 

“C’mon Minho you can do it!” Shouts Chuck. 

The rest of the boys start to cheer for Minho, Gally saying for Minho to leave Alby there. 

“C’mon Minho, hurry Minho! You can do this!” Taylor screams as loud as she can. Her heart racing every second that goes by. 

“They’re not gonna make it,” Newt and Taylor realize. 

“They’re too far away,” Taylor cries, tears going down her face. 

The maze walls getting close to shutting fully Taylor is at this point gripping Thomas arm so hard. 

Minho screams as he tries to drag Alby to the entrance of the maze, going as fast as he can. 

“He’s not gonna make it,” Taylor whispers. Every one is screaming, shouting, trying to push Minho to go faster. She looks around to all the scared faces, all the faces that seem to have hope. Taylor looks in front, feeling helpless as she cries more. 

Thomas realizes what must be done and without a second thought he runs ahead with only a few inches left until the maze closes. 

“NO THOMAS!” Taylor screams in a high pitched scream as she tries to grab Thomas. 

Everything else was like a flash before her eyes. Her Thomas was gone. 

“NO!!!!”

The door to the maze fully closed and Taylor fell onto the dirt, crying, knowing Thomas, Minho, and Alby were already gone. 

“No Thomas, why?” She cried as she wrapped herself in her sweater, wanting to feel his hand once again. 

She waited there all night, wrapping herself tighter in her sweater, clutching onto the necklace. 

“Taylor, you can’t stay here all night.” Newt said as he sat beside her, looking up the maze. 

“Yes I can and I will. Did you see what Thomas did Newt? He risked his life,” she stood up and placed her delicate cold hands on the stone wall. “He is  a hero, Newt. He’s probably scared, I just,” she gave a big sigh. “I just want him to be safe. He was one of the good ones, I saw it.”

Newt nodded his head and stayed with Taylor for as long as he could, when it was time to go to sleep he left Taylor with her thoughts. Taylor traced over the names of those who had passed away. Scolding herself for thinking that the name Thomas would be carved there. “C’mon Thomas, you gotta make it. You just gotta.”

When morning came Taylor was the first one waiting there for them. Her feet tapped subconsciously on the dirt floor. 

The door of the maze opened up and Taylor, Chuck, Newt and some others were there as well. Taylor held onto Chuck’s hand and he hugged her, trying to reassure here. 

“I’m here for you Taylor,” Chuck said.

“Thanks Chuck.” Chuck was like a little brother to Taylor. He was such a happy boy and just so kind it made her feel thankful to know him. 

Taylor and Chuck were so hopeful, just wanting to see the others there at the entrance of the maze. 

But nobody was there. 

“Told you guy,” Newt started. “they’re not coming back.”

Every one was starting to loose faith as they walked away, preceding with their life. Not Taylor though and Chuck. They stood and waited. 

Taylor looked down, starting to also loose faith as she didn’t see them coming. 

“No way,” said a boy as Taylor lifted her head she saw...

them. 

“Yeah!” Cheered Chuck. 

“Oh my god, yes! Yes!” She started to squeal. Taylor was overjoyed and so happy to see them. 

Thomas and Minho both worked together in saving Alby. They made it through the doors and laid Alby on the floor. 

Taylor’s eyes started to become glassy, they were starting to tear up at the sight before her. 

“You saw a griever?” Chuck asked, looking at Minho and Thomas. 

“Yeah I saw one.” Thomas said, out of breath. 

Minho shook his head, “he didn’t just see it, he killed it.”

The whole group looked at Thomas, shocked. Taylor smirked and hugged Thomas, “I knew there was something special about you.”

Thomas chuckled and hugged Taylor back. 

They arrive back to the hut where they all sit down and discuss what has changed within the maze. 

“This is where the magic happens,” Taylor whispered to Thomas as she gave him a wink. As they walked in there laid the map. It was unlike any other map. It was not made out of paper, no, it was made out of sticks, rocks. It showed where turns were made, how abstract the maze truly was. 

“Wow, this is what you guys do?” Thomas asked, mesmerized by how Taylor and her team had built the maze replica. 

“Yeah, now you’re a part of it.” Taylor bit her lip, trying to hold in her immense smile knowing now she gets to spend moments with Thomas. 

Thomas looks up at Taylor and grins at her, “well first off we went through here.”

Thomas and Minho sat in front of Taylor, telling her every little detail on how the maze has changed. They place the rock that they had written each section of the place and put it in its proper area.

Thomas peers around the room which makes Taylor uncomfortable. The room is dark, dull, it smells of copper, so much that someone could taste it. Taylor was the same way when she peered into the map making room, to her it was a bit scary, but if it was going to save the lives of all these kids, she would sacrifice her nose smell for a little bit. 

As Taylor listens to Minho’s route she stares intently at one piece, “hey maybe this is a pattern?”

The group discussed all night, for many hours. Words exchanging, ideas, thoughts, it was a long, long night. 

The next day as Taylor is tending to the garden she hears the unusual sound. The creaking of the box. 

“Guys! Guys come check this out!” She shouts as she runs to the elevator. The others arrive as well and the person that is shown shocks every one. 

“What in the world?” Some ask as they stare at this...

“Its a girl...,” Taylor crawls in the box as she stares at another girl. She’s not just the only girl anymore. A part of her feels happy and glad but another part of her feels, jealous. She did not understand why.

Newt jumps in as well, “yeah you’re right Tay...its another girl.”

They all stare in amazement and curiosity. Why would they be sent another girl? 

“Whats in her hand?” Gally asks. Newt takes out the paper in her hand and written on the small piece it says, ‘shes the last one ever’. Taylor’s face looks confused, what could this mean?

“What the hel* does that mean?” Newt looks up at Taylor. 

The new girl suddenly wakes up with a gasp, her breathing very hard. As she is struggling to regain her breath she utters only one name, “Thomas...”

The boys and Taylor look at Thomas, expecting him to know why this new girl said his name. He gave a look back of unknowing. 

As the three, Taylor, Thomas, and Minho discuss more about the maze in the map room some boys come around to the entrance. 

““What are you guys doing? You’re not allowed here,” Taylor tries to shoo them off but they stand their ground. “But its the girl.”

“What is she awake?” Thomas questions. 

The two boys look at each other then at Taylor’s group, “yeah well, you can say that.”

As Taylor runs to where the new girl is at Chuck chuckles and points up, “Girls are awesome.”

Taylor shoots him a face of annoyance, “really shank? Now you realize that?” She looks up to see the newbie throwing rocks at the boys down below. “Are you serious?” 

The boys have shields and are trying to diffuse the situation. 

“We just want to talk,” intervenes Thomas, but still the new girl keeps throwing rocks. 

“Let me handle this,” Taylor says as she stand in front of the boys. “Hello there fellow girl. How bout me and you talk? Just us girls only, hmm?”

The girl pauses with the rocks for a moment and that lets Taylor go up. 

As she climbs up she sees the girl there, huddled probably scared. 

“Hi there,” Taylor greets her with a smile. “Don’t worry none of the boys are coming up.”

“You’re a girl?” The new one asks, looking at Taylor up and down. 

Taylor nods, “yeah, I’m the first girl. Its nice to see another one, lets me have closure. Knowing I can relate to you.”

“How come I can’t remember anything?”

“Don’t worry, that happens to us all. I don’t remember anything, my past, memories, they are all gone. All I have is this to remind me that I did have a past.” Taylor pulls up her necklace for the new girl to see it. 

“Its beautiful.”

“Thanks, now you might remember your name a few hours from now or the next day.”

“My name is Teresa.”

Taylor is shocked a little. The new girl remember’s her name already. Something was way off about this Greenie. “Well Teresa my name is Taylor, nice to meet you.”

Behind Taylor climbs a Thomas. Teresa quickly pulls out a machete and points it at him. 

“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy alright?”

“Yeah its okay Teresa, he’s one of the good guys,” Taylor smiles at Thomas. Thomas gives a little grin to Taylor at the comment she said. 

“So your name is Teresa?” Thomas asks as he settles next to Taylor. Teresa nods while Thomas introduces himself. “Teresa, I’m Thomas. But you already knew that, I guess, huh?”

Teresa still pointing the blade at Thomas looks to Taylor, “they said I kept saying his name in my sleep.” She turns to look at Thomas, “who are you?”

“He doesn’t know either,” Taylor says. “No one here remembers anything. We are just like you.”

Thomas places his hand on Taylor lap, “yeah, shes right. We all woke up in that box just like you. We are all the same. So I’m gonna take this.” Thomas takes the machete out of Teresa’s hand and gives it to Taylor. “Okay.”

Taylor let out the breath she had been holding. Taylor and Thomas stood by with Teresa, to make sure she felt safe. But there were so many questions that needed answering. 

Thomas, Minho, Winston, Zart and Frypan enter into the maze. Taylor says her goodbyes to them but as Thomas is about to leave Taylor meets with him. 

“I wanted to give you something before you go.” Taylor hands Thomas a sheet of paper, on the paper is drawn a butterfly on a flower. It looks so realistic and it is shaded nicely. “Its a little something so you remember me in there.”

Thomas smiles and brings Taylor into a long, tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you,” he murmurs in her ear. 

Taylor does not want to let go. She wants to keep holding onto him forever, “Please be careful out there. Please come back to me.” She cradles his face with her hands giving him a painful goodbye. He lets go and enters in the maze with the rest of the boys. 

When they return Gally states that Thomas has jepordized the peaceful relationship between the Gladers and the Grievers. 

“Really Gally? Just because they found that device inside one? Maybe that could be a way out!” Taylor tried to reason with him. But it was no use. Gally wanted him punished. 

“Wait a second, why don’t we just make Thomas a runner?” Newt suggested patting Taylor’s back knowing she would back him up on this idea. 

“That’s a great idea, second-in-command.” She expressed and put more emphasize on second-in-command to show he was high in social level. “Thomas would make a great runner.”

So it was made, Thomas ended up being designated as a runner. 

Minho guides Thomas to the maze Taylor built again. Now its more important than ever to really pay attention to the model since the boys found some new clues. 

“Three years,” Taylor says as she walks around the table where the model is being displayed. “Three years of exploration and finally now, now that you Thomas are making a difference, we are actually getting somewhere.”

Thomas places his hand on Taylor’s waist making Taylor blush. Minho spots the attraction between them and gives a smirk. He coughs and raises his brow, “...well then, along with what Taylor said the Maze’s numbered sections open and close in a regular sequence, that might be a code.”

Taylor peers at the device and then at the model of the maze. “Yeah, look. The device is numbered to correspond to a certain section within the maze. With this device we may be able to actually escape!”

This was good new to every one. Finally, a chance to escape, finally a chance to see the other world. That hope that Taylor longed for just seemed so out of reach mere seconds ago, yet when she says the plan it seems as if now it is lightly grazing her fingertips. Like she can feel it.

Taylor walks in on Teresa with two syringes. Taylor gave a face of curiosity. She did not know what liquid was in those shots and yet before Taylor could ask, Teresa already stuck it into Alby. 

“What did you do to him?” Taylor raised her fists to Teresa but she just put her hands up in defense. 

“Its okay Taylor!...Its okay. This is gonna help him.”

Taylor side eyed Teresa, “How do I know you’re not lying, hmm?”

Teresa shrugged, “you’re just gonna have to trust me.”

Taylor angry leaves the hut that Alby is in and goes into the woods to read and draw, trying to block out her. Taylor was not one to feel self-conscious, or jealous but when she saw Teresa she felt those evil things. When she saw Teresa with Thomas the anger boiled more within her. Taylor knew in her head that Teresa and Thomas must have had history together so Taylor knew she did not have a chance, and the thin girl always wins. 

That day Thomas and Minho again went into the Maze. When they came back Thomas was oddly happy to see Taylor. 

Thomas ran up to her and gave her a big hug. 

“Whats this for?” Taylor chuckles, deepening the hug. 

“Tay,” Thomas puts his hands on her cheeks, it looks as if he is about to kiss her. “We may have found a way to get out of here, to get out of this maze. Wouldn't you like that?”

Taylor smiles, “I would love that Thomas.” She then laces her fingers with his wanting to show him that she does care and that he does matter. Thomas looks at the two hands together and starts coming in closer to Taylor but then Gally interrupts and starts to have an argument with Thomas. The argument is cut short when Teresa says that Alby’s awake. Feeling relief Taylor makes her way over to his hut to see how he is doing. 

“Has he said anything?” Minho asks, worry clearly evident in his voice. 

“No,” Teresa answers. 

“Alby, Alby you alright?” Newt asks, looking into Alby’s eyes as he rests next to him on his bed.

“Lets not over crowd him guys. I don’t want to scare him or makes him feel uncomfortable.” Taylor says, standing next to Thomas and squatting to get a good eyes level with Alby. 

“Hey Alby,” Thomas said as he squats next to Taylor. “We might of just found a way out of the maze. You hear me, we could be gettin out of here.”

Alby then whispers the next two words, tears falling down his face. “We can’t...we can’t leave. They won’t let us.”

“What are you talking about?” Thomas asks, uncertain. 

“I remember,” Alby says, making Taylor gasp. 

“What do you remember?” Thomas questions Alby. 

“You.”

“Thomas, what is he talking about?” Taylor’s eyes searching for an answer as she looks to Thomas. 

“And you...Taylor. You two were always their favorites. Always.”

Taylor’s heart started to beat at an uncontrollable rate. She felt unable to breathe. Alby knew something of her past that she doesn’t even know. Did she know Thomas before the maze? Her head was starting to spin, her whole life seemed like a mystery to her. 

“Why did you do this?” Alby’s tears came out more as he stared at Taylor and Thomas. “Why did you two come here?”

There is a lot of commotion outside the tent. The whole group goes outside to see what all the ruckus is when they are met with something of their nightmares. 

That night the maze entrance does not close leaving the Grievers to pour into the glade. It was a war between the Gladers and the monsters. Every one who knew Taylor knew about her fears. One of her fears was spiders, and to her these Grievers looked like gigantic, scary, spiders. Taylor and the rest of the gang tried their hardest to fight against the demons but some won. Some of your group including Zart and the beloved Alby passed due to the fighting. It was a struggle to fight and to try to win. Taylor kept close to Thomas, making sure he was safe before her in any of this. 

As the fight finished Taylor looked around her. The home she knew all these years was broken, it was devastating. All their produce was gone, everything was up in flames. But Taylor did not blame Thomas for any of it, instead she embraced his actions knowing things were gonna change soon. 

Gally came furious to Thomas and punched him, blaming him for all the mess and how the Grievers are now angry with the Gladers. In an attempt to regain his memories, Thomas stabs himself with a  Griver stinger. 

“No! Thomas what are you doing?” Taylor called out to him, catching him as he fell after the impact of the sting. 

She waits, and waits. Since Thomas was knocked unconscious because of the sting, Gally made it that Thomas was put in a cell. So Taylor waited right next to the cell until Thomas woke up. She kept looking at him and then at her necklace. She felt like all this time she knew Thomas, something within her made her feel some sort of attraction towards Thomas. Like if they were meant to be. 

Thomas woke up, his eyes shooting open as if he were amazed or surprised. 

“Thomas you’re awake!” Taylor shoots him a smile as she combs back her blonde hair with her hands. “I have some bad news for you.”

All the while Taylor is telling him how Gally is going to sacrifice him and Teresa, Thomas cannot stop looking at her with a face. He just stares into those blue eyes, knowing full well the whole story, the reason for that necklace. He knows about her past, her memories. But he chose to keep that inside...for now. 

“Are you okay Thomas?”

“Why do you never give up on me? Like, here, you always takes my side, are always by my side, why?”

Taylor just shrugged, “I don’t know. I just feel comfortable and safe around you. Someone who makes me feel that way couldn’t be bad.”

Thomas smiles and puts his fingers through the cell spaces. Taylor grabs his fingers and with a heart warming grin opens the cell for him. 

Without Taylor, Thomas goes to the other to tell them about what he remembered. As Gally tries to sacrifice Thomas and Teresa, the other Gladers free them and are on their way through the maze. 

Taylor is very much afraid, going through the maze. She is afraid of the what she calls spiders, but the Grievers. As she walks through with the others for the first time Thomas holds her hand in his. 

“I’m here Tay. I’m gonna protect you.”

That made Taylor feel at more ease. As Taylor and the group come face to face with the monsters, Thomas saves and protects Taylor. They make it past through the Grievers, some from the group have passed but the survivors stumble upon a laboratory. 

“What in the hel* is this?” Taylor asks as she and the others see dead scientists and technicians there. “It looks like there was a shootout here or something.”

Suddenly a woman in a video recording shows up. Her name is Ava Paige, she starts explaining that the planet is broken by a solar flare, and then there’s the deadly virus called the Flare that if someone were to have it, it would affect the brain. The Gladers, Taylor, are immune to the flare. She then learns how all this, the maze, the chaos, all the hel* that they were put through was for an experiment. It was to study their brains as it worked as a resistance to the virus. Taylor feels as if she knows the woman, she keeps an eye on her while Thomas stares at Taylor, knowing the full story. 

Taylor can see in the background of the video, these men start coming out in these mercenary clothing and start shooting the others there. Dr. Paige lifts a gun to her head and before she shoots herself she utters these last words, “and remember, W.C.K.D is good.” She pulls the trigger and shoots the bullet in her head. 

Taylor shouts in surprise and puts her face to Thomas’s chest. Thomas pats her back lovingly and looks completely shocked, not knowing what the next step is.

 As Taylor looks back she sees, “Gally?” The whole group turns around and sees that Gally is there. It appears as if he has been stung from a Griever. He has a gun in his hand, his body starts shaking as he starts to tear up. 

“Gally...stop what you are doing. We can talk about this.” Taylor tries to reassure him as she puts her hand in front of Thomas to protect him. 

“We can’t leave.” Gally starts as he shaking his head. 

“We did Gally, we’re out.” Thomas says as he’s on alert mode. Nobody knowing what Gally is going to do next. “We’re free.”

“Free?” Gally laughs as he looks around. “You think we’re free out there? No, no there’s no escape from this place.” He then lifts the gun at the group. Every one gasps and walks back. Thomas tries to reason with him. “Gally listen to me. You’re not thinking straight. You’re not.”

Taylor turns around to see Minho tighten his grip around his spear. 

“And we can help you,” Thomas pleads. “Just put down the gun.”

With his gun pointing directly at Thomas, Gally cries, “I belong to the maze.”

“Just put down the gun,” Thomas says again. 

“We all do,” Gally says as he’s about to shoot. 

“Gally!” Thomas and Taylor scream as Chuck goes in front of Thomas and Taylor. Every thing happened at the speed of light. The gun was shot but Minho threw his spear directly into Gally’s chest. Every one is scared and shocked at the sight before them. Gally is struggling to breathe as he falls atop the broken pieces of glass. Just as Taylor thought everything was going to be okay Chuck starts to breathe differently. 

“Thomas,” Chuck says as he looks at him and Taylor looks down to his chest to see the bullet shot Chuck. 

“No, oh god please no,” Taylor starts crying as Thomas catches him before he fell to the floor. 

“Oh shi*, oh shi*,” Thomas panics as he runs his hands up and down Chucks face and chest, not knowing what to do with the wound. “Look at me, Chuck just hang on.” Thomas tries to talk him into staying alive, giving him words of encouragement. Taylor’s vision starts to become blurry from all her crying. 

As Chuck struggles to breathe he hands Thomas the carving he did that he was going to give to his parents. He is now entrusting that Thomas finish the quest. 

“No, Chuck you’re gonna give that to them, remember? You’re gonna live, my sweet Chuck.” Taylor voice comes out in broken sobs but at the same time her voice is soothing and comforting. Her hands go to stroke Chuck’s curly hair, wanting his death to be as peaceful as possible. 

“Thank you,” Chuck smiles as he looks up to Taylor and then Thomas. His breathing is loud and then...it stops. Those were Chuck’s last words. 

“Chuck? Chuck, hey. Hey, Chuck c’mon! Oh my god!” Thomas sobs as he sees his friend die right in front of him. His eyes still open as he fell asleep in death. Taylor looks up to see the rest of the group crying as well. She starts by putting a hand on Thomas’s back but she as well is sobbing vigorously. “Oh Chuck.”

Suddenly, a door opens and a bright light falls through the room. These men start running in as Teresa calls out for him. Thomas does not care, his tears and crying are all that comes out of him. Taylor puts her hand on her mouth and closes her eyes as she cries some more. The men come in and take the others away, but the pull Taylor and Thomas away from Chuck’s body. As they try to take Thomas away Thomas wiggles out of their grasp and crawls away to Chuck’s body. They pull him away as he cries to let him go. Taylor and the rest run out into a whole landscape of sandy dunes. Every one is ushered into a helicopter. As they throw Thomas in, Taylor grabs him and sits next to him, holding his hand. The masked man reassures the others that they are safe. The helicopter flies up and down below is the maze. Taylor opens her mouth in shock as she sees what the maze truly looks like. All her life that’s all she’s ever know. She was afraid to see what life was like after all this. 

“Relax kid, everything's gonna change,” the masked man says. 

Taylor looks out the window to the new possibilities, to the new future of her life. 

It had been a couple of years since Taylor was rescued, along with other Gladers, from the maze. They are all taken to a facility by a man named Mr. Janson. He tells the group that the building is a safe haven, it will protect them. That they are protected by WCKD, the virus and the after math of the virus...cranks. He also gives food, clothes, and sanitation. There are also others from different mazes present there.

Taylor met one girl that was also in her shoes. She was part of a maze as well. She was also bigger than most of the girls so Taylor and her had a lot in common. Her name was Jessica. On the first night that they stayed, Taylor felt afraid and unsure but Jessica made her feel welcomed and safe. 

(this is Jessica: oc, models name is Paloma Elsesser)

During lunch after Taylor would talk with her friends she would then talk with Jessica. 

“Don’t you feel its a little bit...odd.” Taylor asks one day as she stares at the people working at the facility. 

“What do you mean by odd?” Jessica raises her brow. 

“I mean, why would they give us all this? Like what are they really doing behind closed doors?”

“I don’t know about you but I’m happy with having these things. I think you’re just worrying too much.”

Taylor bit her lip as she nodded, “yeah you’re probably right.”

No...Taylor was very wrong. Thomas and another boy from another maze named Aris Jones went to inspect what was really happening behind closed doors. To Taylor it was horrific. She felt that every one here lied to her. They learned that Dr. Ava Paige is still alive and that Mr. Janson is working for WCKD. Taylor even learned that they were experiment on the immunes and Janson has yet to find the Right Arm, which is a resistance group located in the mountains. 

“Tay, they lied to us. All of us,” Thomas says as he tries to convince her. Taylor nods and hugs him. “Don’t worry Thomas, I would never lie to you. And besides we will always find a way out.” She smiles up at him and as they get closer and closer Jessica interrupts, “Oh am I ruining something here?”

Taylor puts her hand on her hip and chuckles, “no you’re not. C’mon I have a lot of explaining to do with you.” 

The group including Aris and Jessica escape the facility. Everyone runs to the doors as they announce on the speakers the count down. Thomas holds Taylor’s hand as they run while Jessica holds onto Newt’s hand. 

As Thomas tries to put the card in to open the door Mr. Janson and his group show up. The door isn’t opening though. 

“Aw shi*, it looks like its jammed!” Taylor becomes worried as Thomas keeps re trying and re trying. 

“Oh my god we’re not gonna make it,” Jessica bits her nails. 

“Thomas!” Yells rat-face. Everyone starts panicking and they start hitting the door while Thomas grabs the gun he’s holding and points it to Mr. Janson. 

“Open this door Janson,” Thomas comes closer with the gun, while Janson holds his hands up in surrender mode. 

“You really don’t want me to!”

“Open the dam* door!” Thomas screams while Taylor and Minho try to go through the door. 

“Listen to me! I’m trying to save your life. The maze is one thing but you kids would not last a day out in the scorch. If the elements won’t kill you, the cranks will. Thomas, you have to believe me. I only want whats best for you.”

Finally Thomas shows Janson’s true colors, he reveals the secret Janson has been keeping. “Yeah let me guess, WCKD is good?”

Janson becomes agitated and he lets his arms down, “you’re not getting through that door Thomas. 

“Its unlocked!” Taylor shouts as the door starts to move upward. On the other side you are met with Alvis and Winston. “Hey guys.”

“C’mon,” Frypan says as he runs out. Everyone goes except for Taylor. Taylor wants to wait for Thomas so she moves next to him. “C’mon Thomas we have to go! Lets go!” Thomas starts shooting Janson and his men as he backs up with Taylor. The gun stops working and he throws it to the men. As Thomas turns around to run away he grabs Taylor’s hand and they run together to the door with Janson and his men following them. 

Janson says in his watch, “shut the main vault door. Shut the main vault door!”

As Taylor and Thomas are running to the door, the door starts to close. 

“No!” Shouts Teresa. 

Taylor grasps Thomas’s hand so hard as she runs for dear life. 

The group starts to shout at the two of them, “C’mon Thomas, Taylor! C’mon!”

The door almost closes as Taylor and Thomas slide under the small gap that was left. The two make it leaving Taylor so terrified. 

“Oh my god girl you scared me!” Jessica says as she grabs Taylor in a tight hug, helping her get up. “C’mon we gotta go.”

Alvis hits the lock so that Janson cannot get through. As the group is about to leave Winston grabs a gun making Taylor do the same. Thomas sees that Janson cannot get through so he puts his middle finger up, making Taylor laugh. They all run away. Taylor holding onto Jessica’s hand as they make it to the exit. The alarm sounding off. Thomas opens the huge doors and whats shown out there is really a windy sandy place. Taylor’s afraid and she holds onto Jessica’s hand tighter. 

“We got this Tay,” Jessica says with a smile. “We gonna be fine, you’ll see.”

Taylor nods and the group get out and into the scorch. 

Taylor and the rest end up at an abandoned market place. Its dark and very spooky, no light reaching inside at all.

“Wow its so dark, man,” Jessica puts her hands out in front of her to prove a point. 

Minho then starts the generator and as the lights come on it looks as if people were here before. There are tents and blankets resting on the floor, lights that are strung above the items. More lights keep turning on, lamps, small lights, they keep flashing on. Minho smiles thinking every thing is fine until a, what seems to be a woman, comes slamming on the fence door. Her mouth and eyes are pitch black and she has veins all over her face. 

Minho and Taylor scream in unison, “Thomas watch out!”

“What the hel* is that?” As Taylor stands next to Minho, bringing Thomas back. As those words left her mouth there was more screeching behind them. Taylor, Minho, and Thomas turned around and out came a whole group of them. 

“Oh my god theres more!” Taylor said backing away, her backpack behind her carrying her gun.

One of them came limping to the group but Minho picked up a sledgehammer and smacked the thing with it. 

“What the hell is that thing?” Minho asks, his flashlight shining on them. Out in the distance more of them came, “C’mon we gotta go! We gotta go!” Thomas shouted, pulling Taylor by her jacket with him. Running out the double doors the Cranks are right behind them. Taylor helps the boys to close the door before the crank could come in. 

“Hold it down!” Shouts Minho. 

“What?” Thomas asks. Taylor sees Minho is having some trouble pushing the huge cabinets to cover the door so she goes next to him and helps push. “Watch out Thomas!” Taylor exclaims as the cabinet falls to cover the door. 

Now, cranks are coming out of every corner. “Oh shi*,” Taylor mutters as Thomas grabs her hand and they all run away. Making it up the escalator Taylor follows Thomas but she slips and her foot gets caught in the escalator. Thomas and Minho almost up ahead don’t take notice of her fall. Taylor, panicking tries to take her foot out but it is really stuck. She turns her head back and sees the cranks coming closer. “Thomas! Minho!” Her screams echoes through the building and Thomas turns around not seeing Taylor. 

“Minho wheres Taylor?!?”

Minho shrugs and his eyes widen. “Crap c’mon!” 

Thomas ran like he has never ran in his life, he ran faster than ever in the maze. “I need to help her. Please, oh god please, please be okay.” He thought in his head thinking about Taylor. 

Taylor, still shouting sees the cranks coming closer and closer. She starts to tear up, this is it, this is where she dies. As the cranks are almost to her Thomas and Minho make it and see that indeed her foot it stuck. 

“Oh Tay this may hurt,” Minho winces as he sees her foot, but then he quickens as he sees how many are behind them. “Shi*”

Thomas grabs her hand, “don’t worry Tay, I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” His other hand is tending to her foot. 

Taylor smiles and puts her head back along with her hands. “I’ll hold them off boys.” She pulls her gun out and starts shooting those that are almost to them. 

“Okay but she’s a badas*,” Minho chuckles seeing even though Taylor hurting she still manages to get the work done!

“C’mon,” Thomas says as he is getting frustrated. Finally they set her free and she sprints in front of Thomas, him still holding her hand to make sure she is safe and with him now 100 percent of the time. 

“I told you we got you,” Thomas smiles as they now run so fast away from the cranks close up on them.

As Taylor, Minho and Thomas sprint ahead they see the rest of their group. 

“We have to warn them!” Taylor said as she started to wave her hands to get their attention and to show panic. 

“Hey!” Shouts Thomas. The rest of the group look at the three running and they wear a curious face. The three yell all different things, warnings, to run, to go away. 

“Why aren’t they moving?” Minho asks as he runs ahead of Taylor. Then Taylor sees their horrified face when they see the cranks running ahead. The others start running as the cranks get closer to Taylor. Taylor, already tired keeps her head in the game. Jumping over man boxes laid on the floor so as not to lose the momentum. A back pack is thrown to Thomas and Taylor assists him in putting it on. The group now rejoined, they make their way up another escalator. As they make their way up a crank appears out of nowhere and the others are scared and taken aback. Aris gets his bat and hits the crank with it. More cranks appear and the group is split up for only a short while. Teresa is split with Thomas while Taylor is put with the others. A crank comes at Taylor and Newt and as it is about to get the two of them Taylor pulls out her gun and aims straight at the cranks head, pulling the trigger. “Bulls eye,” Taylor smirks. Everyone meets up again as they try to make it to the exit. Newt again gets tackled by a crank and Thomas saves him. A whole group of cranks start appearing from the distance to the group of Taylor’s. Everyone runs to a small corridor that is nearby. It is tight and compact and no one knows where they are going. The cranks go into the tiny space as well. Everyone freaks out. 

“C’mon guys move it!” Taylor shouts as it is hard for her to manage in that tight space. They make it to doors but as Thomas and Minho try to open them up they cannot because they are locked. 

“Are you serious right now?” Taylor panics as she combed her hair with her fingers. 

Minho and Thomas try to open it up and Winston shouts, “I’ll hold them back.” He pulls out his gun while Taylor does the same. She stands next to Winston and starts shooting the cranks. Winston smiles at her and she nods, grinning. Frypan finally opens the door and Thomas grabs Taylor’s hand to go through the door first. As Winston tries to go out he gets caught by some cranks and as they try to take him out of the grasps of the cranks the cranks start scratching him on the stomach. Taylor with Minho and Thomas try to close the doors but Thomas sends Minho away. 

“Go Tay, I got this, go.”

“No I’m not leaving you. We do this together.”

Thomas looks at the cranks and at the right time he grabs Taylor’s hands and they both run away together. 

They all spent the night under some debris just waiting for the right time to make a run for it. 

When they all wake up, Thomas looks out to see if it is safe to leave. In the light of the morning sun Taylor peers around her surroundings and sees how city is in ruins. 

“WCKD is probably still looking for us. We have to move.” Taylor says as she stretches and grabs her gun. She grabs Jessica’s hand and brings her up for a stand. 

As the group trudges along through the sand Winston’s infection is getting worse until he falls down. Taylor can see the pain evident on his face, she feels so sorry for him. She wanted him to make it. She looked at the others face and some knew but some had hope. That was good for him in that moment, to have hope. 

“I’m not gonna make it,” Winston says in a rough, hoarse voice. His breathing is starting to quicken. Everyone looks at each other, not knowing what to do. “Please don’t let me turn into one of those things.”

Taylor feels a tear fall down her cheek, her heart breaking at what she is seeing. Winston pulls his hand out as if to hand something to him. 

Everyone is frozen but Newt goes and takes the gun. Thomas thinks that he’s going to shoot Winston but he doesn’t. Instead Newt gives him the gun, it will be on Winston’s time to do that to himself. 

“Thank you,” Winston manages to say. “Now get out of here.”

“Goodbye Winston,” Newt swallows the pain as he looks into his eyes. 

Everyone leaves until its just Taylor and Thomas. Thomas’s eyes become glassy as he looks at a dying man. “Its alright,” Winston reassures him in his last moments. 

“I’m sorry,” Thomas whispers. 

Winston’s last words were, “Thomas, take care of them okay?”

Thomas nods and leaves with Taylor. 

As they go and move away a gun shot is heard through out. It echoes in the world. Everyone pauses and just takes a time to gather themselves up and proceed. Taylor still has tears coming out but she doesn’t want to make a scene so she tries to compose herself and wipes her tears away. 

Thomas sees this and holds her hand, “hey you know, its okay to cry.” He said it more as a statement then a question. Taylor brought him into a hug and cried into his shoulders, feeling mentally tired and emotionally. But she was determined to make it to the end.  

Night came and so did sleep, but as the group was in slumber Thomas woke up to a civilization in the distance, but they are also greeted by a thunderstorm. They run to an abandoned building for shelter but as they are running Jessica slows down. Minho helps and tries to save her by helping her in running but he gets struck by the lighting. 

“Minho!” Jessica and Thomas cream in unison. As they take him to the shelter he does indeed survive. Jessica hugs him lightly, not wanting to hurt him and smiles, “thanks Min Min for saving my as*, I am a god dam* slow runner. For real though, thank you.”

They are greeted with chained up cranks. One after enough coming at them but not quite yet making it. 

“I see you’ve met our guard dogs.” A new voice calls out. It is a girl, she walks up to all of the group and smiles, “you guys look like shi*.”

“Hel* I like her already,” Jessica chuckles but Taylor hits her lightly on the chest. “Ow, what she seems pretty okay.”

“We don’t know what she’s like,” Taylor whispered to Jessica. 

“Don’t worry I don’t bite, the names Brenda.”

They meet Brenda and Jorge who lead a dangerous group of survivors. Brenda and Jorge learn that Thomas and his group had come from WCKD and are looking for the right arm they agree to take them to them. 

Moments later WCKD arrives and storms the place but Jorge’s bombs go off and the facility is destroyed. Taylor and Thomas split up. Taylor ends up with Jorge’s group while Brenda and Thomas are left behind. 

Thomas P.O.V.

Thomas and Brenda escape the cranks but Brenda gets infected by one. Thomas gets another flashback and remembers when he was working for WCKD. He tried to warn Teresa and Taylor about WCKD’s plans but they were all separated by WCKD’s troops. 

Thomas ends up kissing Brenda but as he is kissing her he thinks of...”Taylor.” he breathes out. 

“What,” Brenda asks as she stand back. 

“You are not her.” Thomas wanted that kiss to be Taylor. That was it, he knew he was in love with Taylor. 

Thomas P.O.V. end

Thoma and Brenda meet up with Taylor and the rest of the group again. Taylor runs to hug Thomas and puts her hands on his cheek, “oh my god. I thought something terrible happened to you.”

Thomas grins and puts his hands on her cheeks, “I’m fine, along with the help of her.” He points to Brenda and Taylor’s heart almost shatters. She can see something, some type of affection going on between the two. 

Taylor nods her head while putting up a fake smiles, “oh thats good. I’m glad you both made it out safely.” She puts her hands down and walks away. First she had to deal with Teresa now Brenda. She clenched her fist knowing how this ends. It will end with either beautiful girls getting the guy and Taylor getting no one. With big girls thats how it always ends. 

Jessica finds Taylor sitting away from the group. “Hey Tay Tay, whats wrong girl?”

Taylor just shrugs, “I know Thomas so well already.”

“What?” Jessica asks as she sits beside her. 

“I feel like I’ve known Thomas, like I’ve known him forever...Jess...I’m in love with Thomas.”

“Oh shi*,” Jessica mutters. 

“Yeah, oh shi* is right and I know he either likes Teresa or Brenda way more than fat old me.”

“Don’t say those things,” Jessica puts her arm over Taylor’s shoulder. “You are way more than that you hear? So what if you got a little junk in the trunk you are special Taylor. You did what other big girls no, what other girls think is impossible. You escaped that maze you escaped WCKD you did so many incredible things. You are kind and sweet but ooh but do you have sass! If Thomas cannot see all the amazing things I see or for who you really are than girl, he is not meant for you. You are a diamond in the rough sand paper sand.” Jessica picks up a pile of sand and this makes them both laugh. 

(not my gif! do not own)

“Thanks sis, I needed that,” Jessica helps Taylor stand up and they both embrace. 

“What a beautiful embrace, are we celebrating cause we’re not dead ladies?” Minho jokes, waiting patiently for the two of them. 

“Can I get some of that action?” Frypan chuckles as he playfully hits Minho like am I right?

The two side eye them, “No boys were are celebrating us big women...we can do anything, and that boys is a fact.” Taylor and Jessica walk hand in hand back to the group. 

Jorge interrogates Marcus, a survivor works for WCKD, into revealing the whereabouts of The Right Arm.

The group goes and finds their way arrive at the right arm relief camps. There are other survivors there and they are greeted by a man named Vince. He is the leader and decides if Thomas’s group can stay or not. 

Brenda’s infection worsens and Vince threatens to shoot her. But a former scientist that worked for WCKD stops Vince. “Hello Thomas and hello to you too Taylor.”

“You know me?” Thomas asks the stranger. 

Taylor’s face becomes of confusion, “wait how do you know us?”

“Interesting...it makes sense they put you two in the maze.”

“Thomas, what is she talking about?” Taylor raises her brow. Thomas knows and he looks away. “How does she know who I am? How does she know I was in the maze?” Taylor tries to look into his eyes but he looks away, almost ashamed. “Anybody?” When she looks at the others they too are not looking at her. Jessica pats Taylor’s shoulder. 

“Though I must admit,” the scientist kept going. “I was worried they’d kill ya after what you did.”

“After what you did, Thomas what does she mean?” At this point Taylor was getting furious, she felt like she was invisible. The stranger went to Brenda and tended to her. But she could see that Taylor and Thomas were both searching for answers. 

“What I did?” Thomas asked. 

“The first time we spoke you said you couldn’t take it no more. Watching your friends die one by one. The last time we spoke you gave me the coordinates of every WCKD compound, trial, and lab.”

“He was our source,” said Vince. 

“They couldn’t have pulled this off without him,” the scientist praised Thomas. “Take her [Brenda] to the tent. Get these guys some warm clothes.” They carried Brenda away. As Taylor went to ask Thomas what happened she saw the glances Teresa kept giving Thomas. 

Jessica saw that Taylor’s face was of anger so she placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “hey you think you’re gonna be alright?”

Taylor looked into her brown, haze eyes and nodded, “you know me Jess...I’m always alright.”

Jessica smiled and left her. Taylor grabbed harshly both Thomas and Teresa behind one of the tents. “What the hel* was all that back there?” Taylor shouted as anger entered into her. 

“Please Tay, let me explain.” Thomas tried to calm her, putting both his hands on her shoulders. 

“Please, make it quick. Why was she talking about us like she knew us? And you kept giving Teresa a look?”

Teresa looked down and then at Taylor, “Back then before the maze, you had worked for WCKD...”

Taylor’s face became of sadness and disbelief, “no thats not true. That can’t be-”

“It is Taylor,” Thomas whispered as he grabbed her hands. “Before the maze, you, Teresa, and me we all worked for the maze. Sticking our friends in a death maze, we did that. We worked for them. I went, when we were still working for them, to you two and tried to warn you both about WCKD but we were all separated, you were first Taylor, you were first to be put in the maze. Also, when we were working for them me and you were very close to each other...Where do you think you got that necklace?”

Taylor peers down to her chest and sees the necklace, her eyes start to water. Thats why the first time she saw Thomas she felt like she knew him. “You knew all this time and din’t think to tell me? You told her, my story, to her, and not even to me! Why would you keep something like that from me, Thomas?”

Thomas felt ashamed and guilty, “I don’t know Tay, I just-”

“He wanted to protect you,” Teresa butted in. Taylor pointed a finger at Teresa, “I don’t want to be rude, but you better but out right now or so help me god.”

Teresa walked up to Taylor, face to face, body to body, “Or what, Tay? What are you really gonna do to me? Thomas was just trying to protect you, if you really cared about his friendship then you would forgive him and you would accept the decision he made. 

“Yeah Teresa you’re are forgetting one thing, who was the first to be in that maze between us? Who had to live every breathing moment in there with just herself as the only female, and who had to accept that she may never see her family again because she doesn’t even know her history? That information was mine, Teresa, I should have, no, I needed to know that. So protect your boyfriend or your crush but nothing you say will make it better that he kept my life from me.” Taylor pushed Teresa to Thomas and went to go find Jessica. 

The scientist woman comes to Thomas and tells him he needs to give his blood. The scientists lady is Mary Cooper. As Mary halts Brenda's infection using an enzyme cure, Mary explains that the enzyme can only be harvested from an Immune's body, not manufactured, and that arguments over the methods of manufacturing the cure with Ava lead Mary's departure from WCKD.

After the argument they all had and Thomas helped Brenda Taylor saw Teresa climb these rocks. Taylor felt more angry when she saw Thomas climbing them to get to her, to see whats wrong with her. Taylor went and followed them to eaves drop on their conversation. 

“You okay?” Thomas questioned as he made it to the top and looked at Teresa. Taylor was hidden behind one of the boulder listening. “What are you doing up here?”

“Just thinking.”

“Well I’ll let you be alone.”

“Do you remember your mother?”

“Uh, I think so,” Thomas thought for a while on that question. 

“You remember mine? She’s a beautiful woman. Every body loved her, before WCKD she was all I had. When she got sick, I didn’t know what to do. They just kept her locked up, hidden. I thought she’d get better. Every night she’d make these awful sounds, like screaming. And then one night she just, stopped. It was finally quiet. I went down to her room, there was blood everywhere. And she just sat there calm. She said she was feeling better. The visions were calm, she’d taken care of them. She took her eyes out Thomas. There are millions of people suffering out there. Millions of stories just like mine. We can’t turn our backs on them. I won’t. 

Taylor’s mouth opened in shock, “please no please no.”

“What are you saying?” Thomas hoped she was talking nonsense, he hoped she did not do the thing that they were all running away from. 

“I’m saying I want you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why I did it.”

In the distance there are helicopters and Taylor’s heart sinks, “oh my god they’re here.”

“Teresa...”

“Please don’t fight them Thomas.”

“What are you doing? What have you done?”

Thomas runs down and Taylor sprints in front of his path, “this way Thomas.” Even though Taylor was mad at him still she needed to protect him, she needed to protect her friends. She grabbed onto his hand and they both ran to the others to warn them, but they were too late. The helicopter shot a explosive and the camps blew up, “No!” They both scream in unison. 

There was an ambush by WCKD. As some warned others, other were dead. 

“Tay!” A high pitched scream came out as Taylor looked around she saw Jessica run to her. “Oh my god I thought they got you too.” They both hugged and tried to run away. But there were so many of the WCKD that Taylor knew she had to do something. “Jessica, listen to me, be careful.” Taylor whispered the words to her as she pushed Jessica to Thomas and stood next to Minho. 

“Go guys we got this!” Minho says as he and Taylor start shooting. 

“No, guys come back here,” Thomas shouts over the commotion. They all hide behind a couple of boxes. Just as Minho is re-loading his gun WCKD shoot a device on him that makes his still. 

“Minho!” Thomas screams as Jessica and Newt pull him back. 

“No!!!!” Taylor shouts as she starts shooting uncontrollably but someone from WCKD comes behind her and hits her with the back of their gun, making her fall down and they put the device on her. 

“Taylor!” Thomas and Jessica scream. Jessica gets up and, without any weapons tries to fight WCKD but they shoot her in the stomach. 

“NO!!!” Taylor screams at the top of her lungs. Her heart just breaking. She starts to sob as she tries to crawl to her friend. “Oh my god oh my god,” was all she could say. 

“Its okay Tay Tay, its okay. I’m sorry, I just tried.” Blood spilled and poured from her mouth and her breathing stopped. “No please no Jess, c’mon Jess please Jess. Please don’t go Jess!” Taylor shouted as she held onto her but WCKD dragged Taylor away from the body, her screams so high pitched it hurt anybodies ears. “Please don’t please, Jess!

“Tay, Minho,” Thomas shouted as he tried to get to her and him. But Vince stopped him. Thomas was crying as he looked at Taylor getting taken by WCKD. Taylor felt like her life was gone and she was already dead. As Taylor went inside the helicopter she was greeted by Ava Paige’s presence, Dr. Paige looked beyond and saw the survivors, she saw Thomas. With an evil eye she glared at him. 

Thomas P.O.V.

The whole place is a disaster. Everything is ruined. Most of the tents were burned up and the survivors are looking for any materials or items that they could save. 

“What do we do now?” Asks Frypan as he looks to the distance, trying to collect himself. 

“I would pick up whats left of us.” Scans Vince as he tries to see if there are others. “Stick to the plan, we take you kids to the safe haven. And we start over I guess.”

Thomas shakes his head and stand up, putting his backpack on. “I’m not going with you.”

Vince looks surprised, “What?”

“I made a promise to Minho and Taylor, I promised that I would protect her. Now she’s probably stuck somewhere scared, afraid, I mean she just saw her best friend die, right in front of her eyes. She means the world to me Vince, I can’t forget about them...I can’t ever forget about her. I have to go after them. ”

“Hey kid look around you,” Vince said, spreading his arms. “A’ight, WCKD just kicked our as*. Think about where you’re headed.”

 “I’m not asking anyone to come with me.”

“Thomas listen to me,” Newt motions to him, caring about his friend. “I’ve known Minho and Taylor for...for as long as I can remember. So if there’s any way we could help, trust me I would be standing there next to you. This what you’re talking about, is impossible.”

Jorge and Brenda appear and Jorge says, “more like suicide.”

“Maybe,” Thomas shrugs. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. It’s not just about Taylor and Minho. Its about all of us. Its about everyone WCKD’s ever taken, everyone they will take. They’ll never stop, they’ll never stop. So I’m gonna stop them. I’m gonna rescue Taylor...and I’m gonna kill Ava Paige.”

Everyone looks at each other rethinking the situation. Harriet speaks up, “I have to admit, I’d like some revenge.”

Vince sees the expression of everyone and decides to just give in and help, “wow its a good speech kid, so whats your plan?” Everyone looks to Thomas for answers. 

Thomas P.O.V. end

“Hey Minho, Minho...,” Taylor shook the boy as they were in the train to who knows where. “You hear the birds?” Minho from all the torture was already being a totally different person. Taylor wanted to lift his spirits, but on the inside she felt empty and had no hope of being saved. Minho searches for the noise Taylor was talking about and then he does hear it all of a sudden, he turns around to see Taylor copying the noise of a birds chirping. She smiles at the end and makes Minho laugh. 

As she is standing there, all their hands tied by chains, Taylor sat next to Minho. Taylor coughs a little and then starts singing, “I thought I heard the old man say; leave her Johnny leave her. Tomorrow you will get your pay; and it's time for us to leave her.” Music was such an important aspect in her life, it made her feel happy and made her feel as if she could fly. “Leave her, Johnny, leave her! Oh, leave her, Johnny, leave her! For the voyage is long and the winds don't blow. And it's time for us to leave her.” As she sang the last note she looked around to see the other kids there and Minho smiling. “You have a beautiful voice Tay,” Minho chuckled, nudging you. “Wait do you hear that?”

Taylor’s eyes search up and her head turns in his direction. It was the sound of a running car. “Yeah I do!”

Moments later there are footsteps heard up ahead on the trains roof. Taylor and Minho smile at each other, hopeful. 

Then the train starts to stop, Taylor and Minho falling forward from the harsh movement. Then a familiar voice is calling out, the others on the train are excited and start screaming for them to be rescued. 

“Taylor! Taylor! Minho!” The voice calls out to them two. They look at each other and answer with a crying yes. But are never rescued, they are instead taken back to WCKD to be tortured more. 

By many doctors Taylor is put in this machine that hooks up to her head. “Please no, not again, please.” They don’t listen to her and strap her in. 

The ocean, the waves calming and relaxing. Taylor is sitting right atop a rock, enjoying a book. In the distance she sees the maze. Her heart starts to beat quickly and she starts to panic. She hates this feeling. Her hands start to tremble. As she looks down in her book the pages start to be covered in blood. Taylor covers her mouth in disgust and tries to throw the book away but it keep landing back on her lap. Then the blood starts to make words. “They are coming for him.”

“Who’s him?” Before she could react a wave crashes on her and brings her in the ocean. She is drowning but then all of a sudden she is in a cell. It is dark, very dark and it is wet and smells horrific. “What the hel*?” Next to Taylor in the cell is Jessica’s dead body, lying there her corpse. Taylor starts to break down and she sobs as she sees her best friend dead. “Oh my god!” But then she hears...it. A griever pops out and tries to get to Taylor but Taylor is separated by the cell. As she is backing away she hears a voice. “Taylor! Taylor!”

“Thomas?” She screams and Thomas meets her, “I’m gonna get you out okay? I will protect you.”

Thomas starts to fight off the griever, by himself and Taylor starts to scream, “No Thomas I need to protect you!” Then Thomas gets stung by the Griever and the griever rips Thomas head off. Horrified Taylor screams on the top of her lungs. 

Taylor hooked to that machine makes her see these things. She screams when nothing is really there in reality with her. The doctors check her eyes and see she has spaced out, she is out of it. She becomes almost brain dead. 

Only a few times does Taylor see Minho and every time she does he is getting worse and worse. She feels so bad for him. Taylor has tried to escape and tried but it never is successful. 

She sleeps in a cold cell, thinking about her friends and about the stars. How much those starts mean to her. She is mostly out of it from all the torture. She is being scarred for life. She lays there until WCKD arrive to bring her to another torture test or to check her vitals. 

As WCKD takes her to a medical room Taylor sees from the side of her eye Minho beating up Teresa. “That bitc*” Taylor mutters under her breath as she sees Teresa got away and they had to hold Minho down. Taylor chuckles, “thats my boy.”

Teresa makes it out but is scared when she sees Taylor, “you traitor!” Taylor gets out of WCKD’s grasp and makes a run for Teresa. Taylor kicks Teresa and knees her in the stomach. Teresa is on the ground, coughing up and hurting. “Yeah feel that, now imagine that 100 times worse.” Taylor lifts Teresa’s face by her hair so Taylor can see her better. “Thats how it felt when you took everything I loved away from me.” Teresa is crying and they pull Taylor back. “I won’t let you do that to Minho. I wont!”

Taylor was taken to be tortured again. Her hands in cuffs as if she were a prisoner. Suddenly, the alarm started to blare. The sirens turning on an alarming WCKD that something is wrong. They still took her into the room and went to hook her up. 

Minho P.O.V.

As Minho escaped the medical room where they were going to sedate him he met up with Thomas and Newt. 

“Minho,” Thomas said, sounding relieved. 

Minho looked to Newt and Thomas, “is this real?” They all smile but then Minho realizes Taylor is about to get tortured now. “Guys Tay’s in trouble, we need to go save her. I know where she is!”

Minho P.O.V. end

They hooked up all the wires to her brain and they were about to start it when there was a loud bang almost outside the door. All the WCKD doctors were scared, alarmed. One stood up and went to go see what the commotion was. There was another bang and then footsteps. Thomas, Newt, and Minho appeared in Taylor’s room and shot everyone there. A female doctor was about to press the button to put Taylor into that machine but Thomas shot her. 

“Oh my god!” Taylor screamed, strapped to her chair. “I can’t believe its you guys!”

Thomas, quickly, unstrapped Taylor and then picked her up so she was standing right in front of him. He felt his heart beating fast, he felt so happy to see Taylor. Here she was living, breathing, right in front of him. It was like a miracle. He sees though the bangs under her eyes and how she looks drained, tired. “Oh my god Tay, what did they do to you?”

Taylor started to cry but out of joy and happiness that she was saved, “they tortured me. They,” her cries were sobs now. “They made me believe that it was you, Thomas. You were killed and that to me was the worst torture.” Thomas puts hugs Taylor and puts his hands on her cheek. His face showing worry and sadness that Taylor had to go through that. “Its the worst torture to me because I couldn’t protect you Thomas, I couldn’t save you.” Taylor’s blue eyes looked up to Thomas’s brown ones and Thomas just went for it. 

Thomas leaned in, passionately to kiss Taylor. He brought her closer to him. He put his hands all over her curves not caring about them, just loving the girl for who she is and thinking she is the most beautiful woman on the earth. They both closed their eyes in the kiss and it was hard and passionate, his tongue slipping inside just for a minute. Just to have one taste of her. It was full of love. 

(not my gif! do not own)

Both their foreheads rested on each others and they smiled, “I love you so much Taylor.”

“I love you more, Thomas. I need to say I’m sorry for getting so angry with you not telling me about my past. I get why you did it, you were trying to protect me.” She steps closer to Thomas and takes a hold of his hands while Thomas kisses her lips and forehead. “Its okay Tay, I’m sorry for keeping that away from you. I felt so scared and not sure when WCKD had taken you. You mean so much to me, not Teresa, not Brenda, you.”

Taylor kisses his lips again and sees the boys face in the back. Newt is so over it, rolling his eyes. And Minho looks as if he’s gonna throw up. 

“Are you guys like done. We kinda have to get out of here,” Minho broke the silence. 

Taylor and Thomas chuckle, “wow they are just, wow.”

Taylor nodded, “I know, way to ruin the moment guys!”

Newt rubs his temple, “If I have to see one more kiss I may just leave on my own.” He chuckles at the end. 

Taylor and Thomas laugh and they grab hands and make a run for it. 

As they run they meet some folks from WCKD and they run into a random room. Thomas locks the door. There is someone banging the door from outside, this scares Taylor and she holds onto Thomas for support. “Don’t worry Tay, I got you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you again.”

“Newt c’mon,” Minho goes to a cart and places it in front of the door. 

“Um Thomas, what do we do?” Taylor asks as she sees the huge window in the room. Every one is trying to think of a plan but WCKD  already is using a blade to try to pry the door open. 

“Any ideas?” Minho questions. 

Thomas looks at the window and then back at the group, “maybe.”

“Oh hel* no! You do realize how thick I am, I’m gonna be the first one down there and then you guys will come afterwords and use me as a soft landing.” They all look at Taylor as she said that and she just waves them away, “never mind.”

Every one helps getting a tank through the window. It falls to the water down below. 

“Okay its doable. Just need a little running start.” Thomas says as he goes back. 

“Oh my god are we serious about this? Is he serious? What if that water is shallow, we’ll die Thomas!” Taylor tries to reason with him, her heart thumping out of her chest. They all go next to Thomas, Taylor holding his hand to feel more comforted even though she felt so terrified. 

“You sure about this?” Minho asks, scared. 

Thomas looks at Taylor and shakes his head, “not really.”

Minho rolls his eyes, “nice pep talk.”

“Yeah, I’m bloody inspired.” Newt says too. 

“Ugh we’re gonna have to do it,” Taylor cracks her neck and is prepared, putting on her game face. But the door flies open and Janson comes through, angry. “Fuc* it!” Taylor says as the group runs forward. 

They all jump and through the jump Taylor’s hand is holding Thomas’s. Some one screamed Thomas name and then someone cursed. Taylor just screamed so loud the whole way down. 

As the group is running through the last city they are met up with, “Gally?”

Gally sees Taylor and chuckles, “hey Tay, its nice to-”

Taylor runs to him and punches his all over but Thomas pulls her away, “why are we with this guy? He’s a traitor! He killed Chuck!”

“I know Tay, I know. He’s on our side now. He saved us.” Thomas brings her back and tries to control her. 

“Also Gally was stung and out of his mind when he did that,” Newt said as he put a reassuring arm around her. 

Taylor still feels like she wants to kill Gally, “how the hel* did you survive anyways?”

“I was saved, treated and now I’m helping you guys. Like I said, its nice to see you again Tay.”

“Yeah well I wish I could say the same thing.” Taylor answers back sassy. “What happened here?” 

Explosives go off, there is fire and terror every where. People are screaming, violent. Its like the end of the world it seems to Taylor’s eyes. 

 Then Taylor hears harsh breathing coming from Newt. “Newt?”

Newt sends Minho and Gally away, also wanting Taylor to go. “No, I’m not going anywhere. Thomas, whats wrong with him?” 

Thomas looks down, sad and Taylor’s heart almost drops. “No he can’t no.”

“I do Tay. I have it.” Newt says in an almost reassuring voice. His lips turning black like if they were goop. Alarming Taylor and Thomas that they need to figure out something quick. As Newt is struggling he hands Thomas a silver pendant. Taylor and Thomas assist Newt in walking to a safer place and they end up to an empty area where Newt passes out. 

All of a sudden Teresa’s voice is heard through out the whole city. She explains that Thomas, with his blood, can save Newt if he comes back to WCKD.

Thomas has tears in his eyes and so does Taylor but Newt stands up. Awkwardly like he isn’t himself. 

“Newt?” Thomas says, trying to sound gentle. 

Taylor’s heart was going so fast. She felt that she already knew but she didn’t want to believe it. “Newt, we’re here buddy. We are here for you, shank.”

Newt turns around and Taylor already knew, he had become one of them. Newt looks directly at Thomas, “Newt.”

Saliva coming out of Newt’s mouth and looking like a total different...thing, he charges towards Thomas. Thomas pushes him away making him fall on the floor but he gets back up. 

“Newt its me, its me!” Thomas tries to tell Newt but Newt is not the same person anymore. 

“Newt we wont hurt you!” Taylor tries to get into his head. She pulls Newt away from Thomas throwing him on the floor. Newt tackles Thomas and with the forces of Taylor’s strength and Thomas’s they roll him away. Newt gets up and jumps on Taylor and almost bites her. “Thomas help! Newt stop please! Its me, Taylor!” She is screaming as his mouth is almost a few spaces away from her face. Thomas kicks Newt and Newt falls on his back on the floor. Thomas helps Taylor stand and as they get up Newt utters for them to kill him. 

Newt, again tackles Thomas and Taylor tries to get him off but Newt is too strong. As Thomas utter his name Newt stops. “I’m sorry Tommy, I’m sorry Tommy.”

“Its okay, its okay,” Thomas smiles at Newt. Newt then grabs Thomas’s gun and tries to shoot himself in the head. Taylor quickly grabs the gun away from him. “No!”

Newt grabs his knife and tries to stab Thomas. Thomas struggles to keep the blade from intruding his chest so Taylor puts her hands on the blade to stop him. Her hands are getting cut, slicing through soft skin. Taylor winces at the pain and notices blood dripping from her hands on Thomas’s shirt. The shirt soaking up the crimson liquid. “Please Newt stop.” Taylor pushes Newt off with Thomas punching him in the face. 

As Newt and Thomas fight, Newt trying to stab Thomas they meet up together. Taylor hears the knife slicing through and starts to cry. It didn’t matter who it stabbed, it wasn’t like she cared more for one and not the other. She cared for both of them so much. “Newt, Thomas...” She muttered as she started to sob. 

They hold on more to each other and as they part the knife went into Newt’s chest. “No! No! There has to be so way, please no, please!” Taylor is panicking at this moment, she is uncontrollably sobbing. Her heart breaking more as if that were possible. “No Newt, not my Newt.” 

“Tommy...” Newt whispers, as himself. He falls down but Thomas catches him so his fall would be less painful. “Tay...”

Taylor was right beside him, holding his hands and looking into his eyes. Brushing his honey golden strands back. 

Taylor then remembers the things her and Newt did. Its like a whole book she thinks of. She spent so many years with him she felt not herself. She remembers when they would garden together. Newt would pretend that the carrots were his teeth and do funny faces with them. Taylor would throw dirt on him and say if he were to grow into a flower, he would be the most beautiful flower out there. Whenever Taylor would feel sad or sick, Newt was there for her. Cuddling with her, taking care of her, worrying about her. All those times worrying, when she wanted him to have a great life. Whenever Taylor felt self conscious Newt would always say, “don’t think about those bloody thoughts love, to me you are perfectly splendid in every way.” Then he would end it off with his charming smile. One time Taylor drew a portrait of himself, resting against the tree, so peaceful. Newt smiled and was shocked, calling Taylor the most creative person in the world. “You got my good side also,” he would chuckle with a wink. The most fondest memory Taylor has of her and Newt is that they both would rest and lay upon the tall blades of grass. Laying next to each other but Newt was laying up and Taylor was laying down. Their heads were next to each other. Taylor would sing to Newt, making Newt feel at peace. He always liked her singing. Then would it would come of night Taylor would read the stars and tell him, “I see big things, for the both of us. Our lives will change Newt, you’ll see.” Then she would ask Newt, “if we did make it out of here Newt...where would you go?” Newt would take a while and Taylor would smile, “I’d love to go to the ocean, full of water and...stuff. Who knows?” Newt would look directly into Taylor’s eyes and nod, “I would go anywhere, as long as its with you.” Taylor would grin and give him a huge bear hug. “Don’t worry shank, we’ll get there. We’ll always get there and when we do, we’ll do it Newt, together.”

Taylor cried as she looked at Newt’s dying form. She collected herself and looked directly into his eyes, clasping him hand and running her finger through his hair. As the wind howls low in the night Taylor breathes in and out, (this song is called rainbow by kacey musgraves)  “Oh tie up your bow, take off your coat and take a look around ” She starts singing, knowing Newt would love to hear the peaceful melody. His breathing starts to relax and he smiles, looking directly into her ocean blue eyes. He can’t utter a word but Taylor knows what he would say, “thats bloody good mate” or “wow Tay, to hear that come out of you is amazing, its like everything is possible.” 

“Tay..” Thomas whispers, tears coming out more. The lyrics mean something so important to Taylor. Thomas nods and knows Newt, no, Newt deserves to go away peacefully. 

“Everything is alright now” Taylor sings to him telling him he can let go, he can go now that they will be alright and he does not have to suffer or worry no more. 

The lyrics mean to Taylor so much. This song is for Winston, Jessica...Chuck. All those who passed away for fighting for something they believed in. 

“'Cause the sky is finally open, the rain and wind stopped blowin' But you're stuck out in the same old storm again” Taylor means as she makes up the lyrics as she goes that the sky is opening to welcome Newt, so Newt can see his friends Newt can see Winsont, Jessica, and Chuck. He can play with them and tell them jokes and use his beautiful accent. Taylor starts to shed some more tears knowing she’ll never get to hear Newt say her name again, she’ll never hear his little comments about anything any more. She struggles to sing the other lines but she does it knowing they are important to Newt. 

“Let go of your umbrella, darlin' I'm just tryin' to tell ya That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head Yeah there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head” The umbrella means for Newt to let go, thats its okay for Newt to die. But the rainbow part means that his friends his family were always there for him and they will always be there for him and that they will always remember him. Then he’ll get to see so many rainbows where he’s going, he’ll get to play with them and be himself. 

As Newt gives his last breath Taylor sings the last part, “It all be alright” Newt dies with his eyes open and Taylor closes them and kisses his cheek. “We’re gonna miss you Newt. Have fun my darling Newt...” Taylor and Thomas hug as they sob together. Brenda arrives but she is too late. 

Thomas and Taylor go to WCKD and confront Ava. She keeps insisting that their ways are good. She is then killed by Janson who is infected. As Janson knocks Thomas out Taylor runs away and hides, following them. He takes Thomas to a lab where Teresa is ready to extract his blood. Janson tells though that he and WCKD are only truly interested in curing those whom they please, which results in Teresa turning on him. 

Thomas and Janson fight, making Taylor follow them. Teresa sees Taylor and they look at each other knowing they have to save Thomas. They are all stuck in one room together. Thomas sees that Janson shot him in the gut. Taylor goes to Thomas and kisses his forehead telling him, “we’re gonna help.” Her and Teresa come up with a plan to distract Janson. As Teresa takes charge of the plan and Taylor goes to Thomas to help him out, Janson almost kills Teresa but Taylor and Thomas throw a chair into a lane of glass, releasing two turned workers. Those things kill Janson and with Taylor and Teresa assisting Thomas make it to the rooftop. The aircraft by Jorge and Vince await them there. Thomas helps Taylor get on board first and then Thomas leaving Teresa last. Teresa is about to get on with Taylor’s help as the building collapses, “no!” Taylor and Thomas scream as Taylor tries to grasp Teresa’s hand. Teresa falls to her death. 

The group reunites with the immune and the right arm. They arrive at a safe haven that was revealed by Ava. Its where the rest of the population can live safely. 

That night as Taylor sits by the ocean she feels a paper in her pocket. “What in the world?” She takes it out and unfold it revealing to be the picture that Taylor drew of Newt. “He kept it all this time?” Taylor whispered to herself as tears started to come out. She sees her drawing and as she turns it over she sees that Newt drew her a picture, its of them laying in the tall green grass, smiling and holding hands There is a note there and it says, “To my beautiful friend, you have made my life the best, you have made me feel nothing else but joy. For that I want you to live your life, go anywhere and start your adventures. Remember how I said I would go anywhere with you, well its still true. Wherever you are at this moment, I am there with you, you may not see it but its true. So have fun my beautiful Tay, thank you for having my back and for making me feel like I can do anything. You deserve all the best, I am so proud of you Taylor. Also, you were always my rainbow hanging over my head.” Taylor kissed the letter and dried her tears. “Thank you Newt,” she whispers as the waves crash lightly in the sand and the sun begins to go down.

Taylor goes to where they are carving the names of those who they lost and she pats Minho’s shoulder as he carves out Newt’s name. Taylor kisses her fingers and pats his name, she does the same when she sees Chuck’s and Winston’s name. She grabs the carving tools herself and carves out Jessica’s name, smiling when she finishes it. 

Taylor goes to the group of the others and hugs them, hugging Minho, Frypan, Brenda, even Gally. “I wanted to say, thank you for all that you have done, Gally. I forgive you.” She pats Gally and Gally thanks her. “And I know Chuck forgives you as well.” Taylor says as she smiles. She takes her seat next to Brenda and Thomas arrives hugging everyone. Thomas sits next to Taylor and Taylor grabs his hand kissing it. Thomas smiles and kisses her on the lips. 

He then kisses her forehead and whispers, “I love you so much Tay.”

Taylor chuckles and laces her fingers with his, “I love you more...my Thomas.”

20 Years from that

“Mommy, mommy, c’mon lets go see the fishies,” Taylor’s son called out to Taylor as she ran to him. Standing by the ocean was her husband, Thomas smiling. The others were there as well, there kids present. 

“Wait up Newt! Mommy can’t go that fast!” Taylor chuckled as she ran to grasp her son’s hand and then her husbands. As they walk in the sunset the breeze is nice and cool and Taylor places a hand on her stomach, “I can’t wait to see you soon Chuck, mommy’s excited.” Thomas kisses his son and kisses her stomach and her forehead. “Daddy’s excited too, c’mon lets go see the ocean, I think there’s also a rainbow there.”

Taylor smiles and her family, the family that means everything to her, they walk away going on with more discoveries and more loving adventures. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @wtfisalltherandoms, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[gracedandelioninkmind]

Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

[softspokenmemories]

Satisfied

Hi, Tumblr people. This here is a short story (an actual short story, dw. It doesn’t have another part to it). I apologize if this somehow happens to offend anyone (I’m a natural).

Anyway, like always, I hope you enjoy (:

LemonGirl239: hey

Jack: Yo

LemonGirl239: Remember that time when you told me to go get a therapist?

Jack: Yeah

LemonGirl239: Did you mean it?

Jack: it’s extra help if u need it.

LemonGirl239: look, if ur tired of helping me, ill get it, if you want to leave, go, if you you want to get rid of me, good bye. Just tell me. and ill be gone. but never talk like that please, it hurts. A lot.

Jack: I’m not, I won’t, I don’t

Sorry it came off like that

LemonGirl239: Be honest.

Jack: ?

LemonGirl239: If you are sick of helping me leave.

Jack: No, I’m not and I won’t

LemonGirl239: Okay, now pick your words wisely. Why did you mention a therapist?     

…

LemonGirl239: Why did you mention a therapist?

Jack: Because everyone deserves professional help if they need it

Please, don’t think I’m trying to get rid of you or I think you’re lost cayse

*Cause

I don’t

LemonGirl239: prove it

Jack: Prove what part though

LemonGirl239: that u dont think im a lost cause and ur not gonna leave.

Jack: If I thought you were a lost cause, or if I wanted to leave, I’d have done it long ago

But I’m still here because I want to help you. I’m not giving up on you, I won’t leave unless you kick and scream for me to do so.

…

Jack: Paige are you still there?

LemonGirl239: yes

LemonGirl239: thank you

Jack -offline- last seen 2 days ago

Her small, one bedroom apartment rattled as the subway passed underneath. Bits of dust deteriorated and fell from the cracked ceiling, provoked from the constant rumble. Paige didn’t bother standing to fix the distorted picture frame on the crumbling wall; she lay on her bed, her phone screen’s familiar glow washing over her face.

There were dirty dishes in the sink waiting to be scrubbed, her door waiting to be locked, her neglected assignment waiting to be completed. But, laying on her side, all Paige could do was study her chat with Jack. She felt unsatisfied. Something tugged at her heart as she stared at the faded words, Jack -offline- last seen 2 days ago-

There was something off about their friendship… it reminded her of derelict, faded photographs and lost memories.

The memories.

It was the memories she was holding onto. Old, rusting, happy memories that she seemed to struggle off of.

Blinded by a wave of emotion and a fresh shed of frustrated tears, Paige tossed in her bed and switched the chat to a different one- a conversation she’d had with one of her closest friends, Alex.

LemonGirl239: I’ll explain, so we were alone near his locker. Unfortunately, no one was around. He cornered me. He made me show him my shoulder. Hesitantly, I peeled off my sleeve and it felt bigger and more hideous right at that moment. I felt ashamed, stupid. Then he started yelling at me. I almost started crying. But I walked away. And just mumbled under my breath, “it’s not that bad”

AlexInk13: omg what’s wrong with your shoulder???

DID SOMEONE HURT YOU

LemonGirl239: Later, I saw him in the hallway, and started having a normal conversation. He wasn’t listening to me, though. He looked mad. No, more than mad- furious. He just glared at me and said “Just because you think it isn’t bad doesn’t mean you should be doing it”

AlexInk13: Paige… Why did he start yelling after he saw your shoulder…

and damn i could write an entire novel on your life

and it’d be a best seller

LemonGirl239: Alexandra.

AlexInk13: “Poorly written but engaging”

yeah?

LemonGirl239: Have you ever heard of self harm.

…

AlexInk13: It’s gotten that bad…?

LemonGirl239: Worse, Alex, worse.

Jack would scold me, Danny would yell at me, Rosa would be mad they said it wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t breathe or think I would feel cold and shaking and screaming my thoughts would jumble up I couldn’t see

…

AlexInk13: im so sorry

so so sorry

do they know they’re not doing it right though

treating you right in a sense that it’s not helping

I mean, they know you. They should know better, shouldn’t they??

LemonGirl239: It’s not you Alex. You don’t have to be sorry. Them scolding me actually helps.

Gives me a sense that they care.

AlexInk13: and I’m sure they do!! Im sorry I’m getting upset with them… Ik they care, they really really seem to love you, but they’re being so blind…..

I dont know what to say

LemonGirl239: It’s okay.

Jack or Rosa don’t get mad.

Danny is the one who usually makes me cry and then hugs me but the rest never yell.

Everyone has a different way of showing love I guess.

It’s okay Alex no big deal don’t feel sorry for me or anything please

AlexInk13: ok

Ok I won’t

LemonGirl239: thanks. It’s not bad. It’s okay. I’m fine. Just please don’t say you’re sorry.

AlexInk13: Ok

LemonGirl239: thanks

AlexInk13: But I can’t promise anything

…

LemonGirl239: Ok

-AlexInk13- offline- last seen 10 days ago-

Frustrated, Paige shut off her phone and slammed it down onto her decaying wooden side table- it was all she could to to keep from throwing it across the room. There was something about her online friends that wasn’t fulfilling enough. She longed for something, but she wasn’t sure what. 

Paige had a sudden whim. She felt something unfamiliar and sudden spark inside of her.

LemonGirl239: You guys wanna meet up at the cafe downtown tomorrow for lunch? 1:30?

Paige fixed her gaze on the blinking cursor, waiting in anticipation to send the message out. Just as her thumb was about to withdrawal from the orders of her whim, another sudden bold of electricity shot through her. She hit Send All��in one swift, sure motion.

AlexInk13: Sure (:

Jack: I’m free

RosePetal: Why not :p

DangerousSun: I’ll see

Paige waited for herself to comprehend the situation she had somehow thrust herself into. She wasn’t sure how, or why, but the usual feeling of dread and fear of meeting up that should of filled her never arrived. Instead, something light and warm bubbled up inside of her. Paige felt herself smile. However, her joy was short-lived.

Suddenly, she heard a rasping knock on her door. Paige groaned, already knowing who it was. “What do you want, Caleb?” The unpleasant knocking continued. “Mom already checked on me yesterday; now leave me alone.” The knocking never ceased. Suspicion tickled at Paige’s caution, but her annoyance smothered it.

“I swear to god, Caleb, if you don’t stop, I’ll-” Paige swung her door open and stopped short as she realized there was no one there. The endless canvas of the starry night sky gazed back at her, slow dancing with a gentle summer breeze.

“Darn kids.” Paige muttered under her breath, despite the fact that she didn’t know of any kids inhabiting the area. 

However, before the door could swing back into its frame, a foot blocked its path. Gasping, Paige was about to call out when a hooded figure grabbed her and kept its hand over her mouth, preventing her from signaling help. 

It whispered, “You know who I am.” It had a splintering voice, causing Paige to wither under the sound. Shivering wildly, Paige made several attempts to free herself, but all in vain. She couldn’t escape.

“You know what I want.” It rasped. The harshness of its voice scared her, and the familiar feelings of dread pooled up inside of her.

Paige nodded eagerly as she felt the hooded figure’s poison take control of her body.

Paige’s shaking hands drew her phone from her pocket. 

LemonGirl239: So sorry you guys- it turns out I can’t x(

The dread left her, but something else, something ugly, settled in its place. 

“You can go now, Anxiety.” Paige shivered. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

The hooded figure left her alone in the room, but Paige knew.

It was always there.

[femaleidols]

im curious on the admins opinions on the whole mamamoo blackface situation... im really having a hard time bc mamamoo was one of my ult groups but it's been so hard for me to move past that as a black woman and it hurts bc i can feel myself not having the joy i had before for this comeback :( im just curious about how the admins felt and how they worked past it

see our honest opinions below the cut!

sullflower: To be honest, I can’t say much about their scandal because I didn’t follow it nor am I a Moomoo. But you have every right to be disappointed. It’s totally okay if you don’t feel like enjoying them anymore, really. I know I wasn’t much help, but I hope you’ll find a way you’re comfortable with.

iyokans: (hiatus)

heonies: I don’t want to share any opinion on the matter since I don’t really follow mamamoo and only recently heard of the events. It is incredibly disappointing though, and you have every right to be upset. All I can say is, if something hurts you, don’t invest your time and effort into it. You do you, and don’t feel bad about it.

jiaerrs: dude i totally get it if you’re having a hard time. one of my ubs fucked up in a similar way last week and blatantly ignored black fans who were sending him messages to educate him. while i can’t understand how painful it is firsthand as an asian woman, i understand completely if you’re feeling conflicted/upset/etc. over what mamamoo did. ngl, i was very disappointed when i saw them do blackface again after i was starting to get over their last incident. even with rbw stepping up and issuing apologies for multiple instances, it doesn’t seem genuine because it keeps happening. seeing the amount of people justifying it because bruno mars wasn’t black and bringing up sexist double standards to absolve the girls from their fuckups is a headache to deal with. whatever you feel is totally valid, and it’s fine if you’re not excited or maybe you are. i just hope no one gives you a hard time for doing either or!

katypery: i don’t know the details on how this scandal unfolded since i haven’t been following it but when i heard it i was extremely disappointed with them. i’m not a moomoo myself so i don’t follow their activities but i do hope they learn from their mistakes regardless. i believe you have the right to be hurt since this situation affected you directly and probably most of their black fans as well so it’s totally understandable if you don’t feel like enjoying this comeback! i personally don’t see anything wrong with you feeling that way so don’t go hard on yourself and support them only if you feel comfortable.

sunjis: first of all, i’m not black. honestly when a situation like this happens i don’t even get surprised anymore, which is sad, i always expect the worst to happen sooner or later but when it does i still get disappointed. regardless of being an idol i like, my relatives, someone from work/school, i just hope the person learns from their mistakes and keep an open mind when they hear critics. i got really surprised by rbw apology, but what saddened me the most were some fans reactions, defending them and therefore proving themselves of being completely ignorant. if what happened made you sad and you don’t feel excited anymore, it’s fine, really. it’s not worthy giving more chances to something that makes you feel bad and it’s not your or any fans obligation to educate them, sometimes we just have to get away and do what is the best for ourselves.

lauxrent:I think that generally when you fave fucks up you need to understand that if you can’t move on past what they did it’s perfectly fine and you don’t have to overcome it? Like if they don’t bring you joy anymore you shouldn’t force yourself into it. Maybe it will pass with time maybe it won’t. I know that it must be sad and disappointing when your fave group fucks up and looses its magic for you because of that, but if it really bothers you shouldn’t feel obliged to accept it. I know that there is a certain pressure in kpop fandom to accept idols’ mistakes and that some fandoms are really nasty to people that can’t forgive their faves but this fandom culture is toxic and you primarily should focus on what makes you happy. Myself I was never really a fan of mamamoo and I won’t become one now.

sooyulti:it’s really disappointing and there’s no excuse for racism, all this bullshit that fans say when trying to explain it like “their culture is different”, i believe it makes the situation even worse… and i know they apologized but it’s hard to accept it, especially when they have a big international fanbase, they should’ve educated themselves by searching through internet, i’m sure they have access to it. anyways, idk how i could help you to move past that bc i’m still very disappointed and i can’t move past that either, i just hope the girls will learn from this and won’t make the same mistake again.

wonhosoks: i was pretty surprised that they did that tbh but im not into them like as a “fan” so my only opinion probably it was disappointing coming from them? idk but i totally get that you would feel hurt cus they are ur ult group too :(  im so sorry I dont think i helped much at all :(

24kool: i’d rather not share my opinion on it, however i do hope you manage to find the right solution for you 💜

1krystaljung:when mamamoo first did it i was rly dissapointed and upset of course… but then they apologized so soon after which was really surprising and i wanted to forgive them & believe they had really learned from their mistakes. like i don’t think i’ve seen many idols apologize when they’re in situations like this, so i thought it was great they were aplogizing and i believed it to be genuine and that they were really gonna grow and learn from it! but then… they jst went and did blackface again so shortly after lmao… like i really thought they had learned and listened to what people had to say but i guess the apology was just to save face and wasn’t really genuine at all lol?? so the whole thing is really upsetting to me and i lost a lot of respect for them, especially now that they’re caught up in the controversy of them wearing bindis… like……. do they not learn??? it feels like they don’t really care like at all lmao. aaaand that’s my opinion on that. sorry, but i don’t really have much to say on “working past it” because i was never really a mamamoo stan, i just listen to some songs here and there. if you decide to work past it, good luck, i know it can be kind of hard to work past something like that, especially since it wasn’t just a one time thing :/ and if you decide to drop them that’s totally understandable and i wouldn’t blame you

seuhgi:that was disappointing for sure.

prkchaeyoung: i was never really a mamamoo fan, but what mamamoo did was extremely ignorant and it hurt a lot of people. if you believe that letting go of them is the best thing for you, then go for it!

yoonbomis: i’m sorry that the situation has made u feel this way :( the situation did make me upset and quite shocked?? (since i’m not a big fan of mmm, i didn’t really expect it) and i’m glad that fans’ rightfully upset/offended/perhaps betrayed? feelings to it was able to get a least, an apologetic response out of mamamoo and their agency (if i remember right, they said things along the lines that they were going to aim to educate themselves on it?) but it is still something that is constantly in my thoughts whenever i think of or see mamamoo, so it did hinder my opinion of them. however, i still listen to their music, although not with the same enthusiasm as before. i’m sorry if i’m not too much help or comfort ;; (also because i am not a black woman) but i hope u are able to find a way to ease ur pain in a way that makes u comfortable and happy ^^

monoka: as a nonfan & someone who was never interested in them i have to say i avoid them as much as possible, because i got tired of their problematic antics. They have done so many things multiple times and still NOT learn. Their ignorance is amazing.

seulge: what bothers me the most is that mamamoo fans are quick to pretend that these girls did absolutely nothing wrong - or most of them at least. i will never forget seeing on twitter this one moomoo who was giving out false translations to protect mamamoo’s reputation or some bs. i do not like mamamoo as people anymore, and the fandom is equally toxic imo, so i stepped away a long time ago. i might check out the mv when it’s out and if the song is good, so be it. i’ll listen to it if it’s catchy.

[spartiatis-foinix]

Found an old drabble of mine about Dragon age

She intrigued him to say the least. This so called herald of Andraste a dalish elf, and a damn fine good looking one as well. The day samson saw her conscious for the first time was on the battlefield he knew there was something different, or a little bit off about her. when she fought she had that slightly crazed look in her silver eyes it was the same look samson has when in the thick of battle. while she moves across a battlefield like a dancer, her eyes told a completely different story. It was one of fear, anger, joy, and desperation, and turned samson on in every single way. The only person Samson knew of that could push his buttons was Cullen, and in some way Mercury had found all of them sheerly just to push him over the edge so that she could have a nice laugh and a smirk that made Samson growl. Things got complicated soon after a couple flirting attempts back and forth between Mercury and Samson because he fucked up and developed feelings for her. never before had he felt this way about anybody; was he supposed to be up front? show a couple kind gestures then be up front? figuring them for nothing he repressd them in hope of continuing his work, but to no avail, these feeling that surfaced for the young elf had caused him to become a bumbling mess around her like a chantry school boy virgin. Mercury lavellan collapsed onto her bed in heap of exhaustion, not bothering to take her armor off. The trip back from the Western Approach weighing heavily on the elf mostly due to her companions bickering. Blackwall and Dorian argued almost the entire way back because of a fireball incident, which she quickly settled by pulling out her daggers adding to that multiple groups of raiders attacked causing Mercury's patience to deteriorate very quickly. Every Time a group attack she struck so quickly she was almost invisible and dropped them before they even realized what was going on. A loud knock at her door caused the young elf to let out a shout hoping it would scare the visitor away. The response was knock that soon followed her fit of rage, the snow haired elf stalked up to the door and opened it with a slam. Dorian leaned against the doorway with a bucket of water filled to the brim in his hand,"Dorian whatever you're about to do with that bucket I suggest you rethink it" she growled through grit teeth. "Trust me snowball you'll thank me" he grinned throwing the buckets contents at her. Mercury let out a scream that echoed through Skyhold while Dorian opened a portal and left before she could grab him. Looking down at herself, Mercury shook some of the water off slamming the door behind her. She quickly started releasing the clamps on her leather armor leaving her in nothing but soaking wet thin undershirt. As she turned a large slam caused her to jump with a squeak. A large man in full armor bust through the door sword drawn ready for a fight. His armor was pretty simple it was mostly steel, but the most noticeable parts were his shoulders guards each had a large spike coming out of it and a wolf pelt turned into pauldrons that went down his back and tail crossed his broad chest. She looked him dead in the eyes and saw him turn a new shade of red, "Samson umm.. I" she whispered. In response he laughed a bit, "Bloody... Inquisitor if you wanted me to see you like this you didn't have to pour water on yourself... Wait I mean... I'm gunna go" he stuttered and ran out of the room. Walking to her balcony overlooking Skyhold SHE took a deep breath, "DORIAN GET YOUR ASS UP HERE IMMEDIATELY" Mercury screamed, hearing it echo. A loud crack caused Mercury to turn with her fist balled to collided with Dorian. Recalling back, the mage held his face where she had hit him,"now that was hardly called for I just increased your chances with the commander" "BY embarrassing me" she retorted "That was more for him than you" "Why he's not interested anyway" "On the contrary Lavellan he wants you just as bad as you want him" "And how would you know" "By the Maker you should see the looks he gives you when you turn away. It's like a wolf looks at prey. And you give him the same look. Both of you wolves I tell you" "Ar.. Are you sure" "If you don't I'll get Cole and he can explain all this to our commander" "You get Cole involved I'll kick your ass into next week" "Of course you will" Dorian finished and disappeared into a portal. The Inquisitor paced back and forth outside Samson's office contemplating opening it. Working up the nerve, Mercury reached for the handle and ended up falling from it swinging open. Samson caught the elf right before she hit the ground and looked into her deep grey eyes and gave her a polite smile helping her up. Mercury gave her knight in shining armor a giggle and stood up, "we need to talk... Alone" she said her normally pale face turning red. stedying her Samson led them of to the battlements to the right of his office. Mercury scratched the back of her neckand looked away, "nice day we're having right" she said awkwardly. the commander gave her a look of confusiion, the bloody fuck you talking about Inqusitor" "Look Samson i find myself thinking abou yo... shit i dont know how to say this" Mercury sighed "I know what you're trying to say, but i'm not responding until i hear you say it" he said with a smirk "you asshole. fine... Samson i feel things about you and i really want to...umgh" she started, but was soon cut off by samson wrapping his arms around her waist,"that's what i wanted to hear you bloody beautiful creature" he said with a grin. Lavellan put her hands on his thin beard feeling the slight scratchiness of it and began to lean forward. feeling her hot breaths near his face got Samson more excited than he has ever been because this wasn't just some slut from the rose this was someone he actually felt and cared for. in that split second moment before their lips connected the door from samson office walked out on the two inquisition officials. "Commander Samson sir important message from sister nightingale" he said looking down at the paper. looking up he saw the two standing closely with the inquisitor standing looking away. "Bloody... the fuck do you want boy" Samson barked at the recruit "u..umu..umm..." "FUCKING SPEAK" "the message from lady nightingale you said you wanted it immediately" Samson stared down the recruit with a look of murder in his eyes, seeing this the recruit ran back inside slamming the door out of fear. Looking at her commander Mercury blushed a bit, Samson if you don't have time righ.." she was then cut off again with a rough kiss from the Commander of the inquisition. after a minute or so the two took a breath of air, "got carried away" Samson apologized, "that what you wanted" he asked looking at her silver eyes with deep care. scratching her chin she thought, "i don't know might need another kiss from my big bad wolf" she responded, and with that Samson lifted her off her feet and sat her down giving her a gentle kiss that felt like it lasted forever. pulling apart Mercury giggled, "what what is it" Samson worried. the young elf looked the commander in the eye and spoke, "people call you the big bad wolf of skyhold. and from where i am you don't look that big and bad", with the grin of a wolf Samson picked the elf up again positioned his mouth next to her ear, "i got something big and bad to show ya" he growled in her ear before putting her down, "get to my bedroom and ill show you what a real wolf is like" he said slapping her ass as she walked into the office.

[sanfranciscoyoginigypsy]

10/23/17

there was a lot i was going to journal.. but i already forgot and the days have passed already.. so everything will most likely be a blur. OH yea at work on thursday i released some tension.. i was hungry and tired i asked ashlan if i get a break because i have a short shift and he said no and then i asked what can i eat while I'm working and he said you're not suppose to be eating when you're working and just laid it all down and got mad and said you should've ate at home and that thats what breaks are for and i should've ate before i got to work and it made me so upset i said you always cook and eat when you're working and you even take food from work like what're you talking about and he said dont look at me dont follow what i do what i do is wrong and it was so hypocritical  of him like he always cooks and eats when he's working and was basically starving and cooking food for other people and i tried asking him a question and he gave me sass and i just got quiet and was mad and upset and he tried talking to me or recognizing me and giving me a hug and i wouldn't respond or say or do anything or acknowledge him and just had a horrible day at work and was quiet and mad the whole time then a random thought of why are you so hungry you're so fat came up and i thought oh my god why did i think of that thats so awful and all these old habits came up and patterns and ashlan was offering me so much food but id ignore him and say i dont want to get in trouble or I'm not suppose to eat that and matin was being so nice and hugging me and telling me to take a break they all were and i just got so much love but i was ignoring it and now i can reflect bc i put the pieces together that that was my pattern,, when i get this feeling of someone, a man I've had or have relations to shows he doesn't care about something about me, i make a distinction he doesn't care about me to protect my self. it started with john, its something i learned and accumulated from past experiences.. he'd do things like answer the phone when the girl he cheated on me with would call and id get so upset and cry and holy shit i remember one time i told him he either block her from his life or we won't be a thing and he fucking refused!!! and was arguing with me!! what a fucking sell out!! i need to write him a letter!! i need to express this!! because its still in me and I'm surpressing and ignoring it!! i need to write a letter of expression.but anyways , id say things like “you dont care about me you know it hurts my feelings when you talk to her still or cheat on me AGGAIN and blah blah blah and he'd say i do care about you ! obviously I'm with you right now and i never learned until now i realize until now so my mind realized or made the distinction that ashlan doesn't care if I'm hungry he doesn't care about my health he doesn't care at all so when he tried talking to me or hugging me or offering me food id ignore him and keep protecting myself and thinking none of that matters bc in the end he doesn't care or he did that and i accepted my feelings and i accepted that whereas before id be like whats wrong with me why do i make myself so miserable and shitty just eat the food but no i felt this way and accepted it and in the end i clocked out and he wanted to sit in talk and i said i really want to go home and all this stuff and i said u can walk with me or not but I want to walk home and he did walk with me and he was fusrteated and upset and i was crying but within ourselves we didnt say a word and i noticed when i lashed out on him earlier in the day or when he was frustrated i wanted to touch him and kiss him and hug him and its another pattern i do like with jon when we would get into a fight or id say something mean i just wanted to kiss him and hug him afterwards and i noticed that too but we talked and i expressed to hum the protection i got into and how he hurt my feelings and how i went into the pattern of feeling fat and all this stuff and we made up and i kissed his cheek a few times and it was so cute i brought home so much food and he was even making me food at beloved he cares about me so much but before we sat down and talked outside the ashram i told him i want to go get a hug from baba and as soon as i got in the house i saw him in the kitchen and waved him towards me and i asked him if i can have a hug and he said yes and we hugged for like 5 minutes like we did when it was the first time and i cried on him and it was so nice and i think dakota patted my back but going in that house made me feel so much better after i released the tension and cried i started smiling and being so happy and everyone was there eating bc they had  a family dinner then they went to the temple and i talked to ashlan and then i got to go to free ceremony for like 5 minutes and IT WAS SO POWERFUL there was so MUCH JOY i was so overwhelmed there were soo many people and soo many great energies and i was overwhelmed i was laughing and smiling and i opened my eyes at one point and made eye contact with tarvo and he gave me this big smile and it was so nice and it made me so warm bc his acknowdlgement of me was one of the best feelings that night and when we were leaving i got persad and turned around tp close the door and he was behind me getting some too and still kept his eyes on me and smiling and i did my little crush thing where i freak out and laugh bc i was eating the persad and probably looked so funny doing it and he saw me and i told him wow i was so overwhelmed with all the joy in there and he said ya i saw you and i gave him like two big hugs and he was laughing and being happy and i went inside to eat FINALLY and everyone had such great energy and was happy and he showed me music and i was dancing and everyone was laughing and happy at me and it was so good and i invited him to see pangea with me but he said he made commitments else where but it doesn't mean he doesn't wantto go with me but later on him briksha and me ended up going and pangea didnt end up playing and we drank and it was just me and tarvo and we talked and chilled and i explained to him how music makes me feel and he said thanks for sharing ill focus on that next time and how its interesting and his wallpaper is a galaxy and i showed him mine and it was jupiter and i said we are such nerds and we walked back home and ate and talked and it was nice then slept then the next morning i swept for karma yoga and the morning was sSO GREAT TOO ananda ate next to me and paulo came up to me and hugged me and elektra said hey cutie and it was all just so great and nice then i went to the IOA grief support group and it was so tension releasing i almost didnt go bc kim invited me to yoga and i was like do i really want to leave this positivity and not do yoga and feel good and go into this other energy and almost didnt go like 4 times but i went and I'm so glad bc i made a friend i got to talk about carlo and released a lot of tears and tension then went to japantown and got a few things 1 DOLLAR NAIL POLISH AND A NEW LOOFA and walked around and listen to jerry vale and ate amazing food from beloved and realized I'm finally exploring sf like I've been wanting to then met up with kim at the center and it was SO GOOD i released even more its so nice to have a girlfriend like that like we talked about boys and our boundaries and it was sooooo great to have someone like that especially at the center i had nice early gray and was laying down resting on the pillows and listening and talking and i told her i started really paying attention to what things i put on my body and my hair and in my body like food and all natural things and its part of the reflection of what men i allow in my body like our root chakras are mixing like your energy is mixing with mine and how my body is temple and blah blah and that I'm just not a sexual person and its so funny bc she was like omg then what do you want out of guys HAHAHAH and i was like idk a nice cuddle sesh or make out sesh and she was like i cant do that i cant make out with someone it'll lead to sex and she wish she had my boundaries how she can just stop it and everything and i said wow people give me so much for having these boundaries like when i told elena about my crush with tavo she said just keep up your boundaries and i was like ya and i do have boundaries like I've said no to sex with stephen with silas and every guy honestly and just being here is such a great place to grow bc i can practice things to help shape who i am and ya she said its good to have those boundaries and stuff and she's 23 so I'm asvnaced in that!! I'm so glad i can do that for myself at such a young age because TO ME its such  big deal and i let it and accept it whereas before i just did it with two random dudes and did not like that and i realize I'm a sensitive person with that stuff like the minute i eat some junk like cooked cheese or greasy things i get addicted and want it all the time and i have eczema and my skin breaks out and i just have really sensitive skin and my hair is sensitive and so basically my biology is just so sensitive so like it would make sense I'm sensitive with sex like when i had sex with those two guys first of all i made sure it ended quick and i was just so not into them or the thing and i guess u can say it was bad sex but bc i was just not into it and afterwards and didnt feel right but anyways I'm glad i am moe in tune with myself especially so early in my life I'm only 19 and yesterday hassad said he sees me growing and flying so fast and have so much growth In the future cause he sees it now but anyways it was s nice to see and talk to kim i got to talk about things i dont really talk about and learn a lot about myself and then we were going somewhere with wolf but instead i wanted to hang at home before i went to work so i left early but it was so nice to be around kim and wolf and i saw baba and i ate and told him my crush on tarvo and read him my poem and he was smiling and laughing bc my poem was so nice and when kim read it she said she liked how it gave her an imagine of what i was doing and the setting at first then it went in my head and i like how she elaborated it and stuff and she gave it a lot of thought and detail and baba really enjoyed the fact i like tarvo and wants me to tell him and give him the poem but I'm like oh hell to tha no baby and he let me express and elaborate and it was so good and I LOVE BABA BABA IS MY BABA I LOVE BABA he's the best he changed my life and just all this shit and now I'm growing and he said its nice you are in tune with yourself even when you're attached to this other being and you can be expressive about it and enjoy the expression and art you get out of it ok i added that he didnt but he said something along those lines anyways i went to work and it was so nice and i love working with mithcel its laid back and we got cheese fries and had a lot of beloved food haha and gave a lot of people things and a special customer got so many free things and we became friends and it was a good night although i was so tired and joshua finally showed up and mitchell gives me this peer pressure challenge like i told him i didnt want cheese fries bc I'm trying not to eat dairy and i ate cheese fries anyways and he got a couple shots at the bar next door and kept smoking weed and asking multiple times if i wanna smoke or shot and its hard to say no bc i wanna be liked but i said no to drugs yay and i got to kiss joshs cheek yay fun times then sunday i slept in then made plans with kim to go to the beach but i wanted to see music at red poppy duru invited me to and do laundry and clean room but i walked out in just the right time and baba asked if i wanted to go to the beach with tarvo and elektra and ananda and i said hell ya bc i can get a ride to see kim now and we were gonna lax and drink wine and read and turns out we went to a beach like an hour away but it was still great at first my energy was low i was feeling shy around tarvo even tho he was acting like a fool and making me laugh and elektra too like everyone was just so playful and fun and so was i but my energy was low and then we went to the zen center and walked around and it is a beautiful zen retreat in the mountains and just a few minutes from the beach i wanna go one day and just admire the beauty of it then walk to the beach its just an open to the public place and path to the beach and the beach KICKED ASS i played soccer with Canada and elektra and it was SO FUCKING FUN we played catch andi i kept winning bc i know all the moves and i kicked so well i still got the soccer girl in me and I GOT IN THE WATER and it was cold but so cleansing and me and elektra were looking super hot in our SUPER HOT BODIES WITH OUUR SUPER HOT BATHING SUITS and we kick ass she got all the way in the water and tried getting me too but it was so great i was like a kid running away from the waves with ananda and a fun guy was playing guitar and played eagles and all the good stuff while i danced and ananda joined me and it was so nice and before that actually i had a good heart to heart conversation withelektra about men and she said basically to keep my boundaries and i asked her a few questions and she said that she takes note of when she's feeling empty after an experience with a guy or if she's trying too much and just absorbing his ego and stuff and it hurts but she doesn't continue with them and its a good note too bc with tarvo i feel like our conversations are brought up by me asking things about his life or things he knows just to hear him talk and he doesnt ask anything about my life and although our experience together is shared i just dont feel the interest from him and yesterday i was getting my shoes on the see bulcan and asked if he wanted to go and he said no he's done enough fun today and just got up and left but of course said sweet dreams you queen of everything haha syke but then i just stared at him walk away and thought oh do you not think our time is so precious and fragile together as i think of it as it and it aches me to see you go when our souls are longing to be hold by one and other but anyways i just dont feel the interest physically from him and every move i make in the beach i looked back to see if he was looking at me and that i look good. and i noticed I've been focusing on his existence rather than the ocean and thought, if only the ocean was as beautiful as you