#i dont think he understands how good of a person he is and severely underestimates his capacity for love and care

[frankiebirds]

morgan's face when reid brings up having nightmares is gonna make me cry. he goes from teasing him over the amount of sugar in his coffee to concerned so quick. i need to lay down.

he is the best friend and he has so much love in his heart he can't contain it. derek morgan i love you dearly.

you are though!! you are!!

this scene just makes my head explode. the instant switch from teasing to concern. the facial expressions. telling reid to talk to gideon and then doing it for him when it becomes clear he's not going to. what if i collapsed.

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Sun Touched Zuko AU!!

Tag list @chaoticidiott @mypureessence @fae-tales-personal

This won't be a soulmate AU but it will be Zukka for sure.

Zuko was born sick, so sick in fact that he was going to die. His mother prayed to Agni that he would live, prayed that the sun spirit would save her first born son. In the gardens she held him up to the Setting sun pleading. The suns rays caught in the amber stone on top of the alter set for worship and moved to Zuko's eyes. His hair changed from solid black to a golden blonde, he opened eyes and began to cry. He was touched by the Sun and lived.

Ursa couldnt have been more happy, her son was alive. "My little sunshine" she whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she held him close and rocked him in her arms.

When Ozai saw his son's golden hair he demanded that it be dyed black, but was willing to compromise when Ursa suggested they wait until he turns 5 so that the dyes don't harm him.

The first time they dyed his hair he asked his mom why, his bright molten eyes looking at her with confusion "because your father wants you to feel safer my sunshine, people will stare at you with that bright shining hair of yours"

"Oh, okay" was his only response that day. He never questioned it anymore when they touched up his roots weekly.

After his mother left him he felt alone in the world, his dad still staining his golden hair each week with more and more ink. All the while berating him when he couldnt control his fire well. Even with being touched by the spirit and having powerful fire he couldnt manage to control it, couldnt understand how to. Until master Piandou taught him swords and he applied his teachings to his fire.

The first time he used his swords to control the fire Piandou was more than impressed "Prince Zuko! That was amazing!"

"Thank you Master, thinking of the swords as an extension helped me control the flames better" his smile soon faded when his father appeared

"Yes, great work Zuko, I am pleased to see you have learned how to control your flames, however mixing these arts in this fashion is unacceptable. Come with me"

After that he wasn't allowed back at Piandou's unless he was accompanied by either his father, or an advisor to make sure he practiced correctly.

On the day of his fated Agni Kai Zuko had just gotten his roots retouched before entering the war meeting. When his father burnt him for speaking out of term his tears felt like lava running down his cheeks. He could smell the fresh dye burning and it hurt his lungs.

His Uncle immediately took him under his wing when he was banished "Zuko, my star," his Uncle pleaded when they were at the western airtemple "i need to dress your wound, the sun spirit would not want you to lose your eye"

Zuko reluctantly let his Uncle clean and dress his wound several times on their travels until it healed and scarred over. When it finally healed over Iroh smiled "there you go sunshine" he said as he wiped the tears forming in Zuko's good eye away "do not cry Prince Zuko, you are safe"

He still dyed his roots every week to uphold his place as prince. He did not know that his golden hair was his own symbol or royalty, that the sun chose him. Sure he knew the sun saved him, but he could not understand that it was because he was chosen.

When he arrived at the South pole and discovered the Avatar, he felt a breath of relief wash over him. He was going home, but he heavily underestimated the Avatar's abilities and lost him.

Soon he started a cat and mouse game with the monk and his two southern water tribe friends. After the northpole he slacked on dying his hair, not because he didnt want to, he simply didn't have the resources to do so. So his roots started to grow in gold.

"Well your looking golden Zuzu" Azula's voice startled Zuko when he walked into the hut they were staying in.

"Azula, what are you doing here" he glared at his younger sister

"You know, im my country. We greet one another before asking questions" she responded coldly "i was just passing through"

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Princess Azula?" Iroh piped into the conversation

"No wonder you two click, always so quick and to the point. Father sent me, family is suddenly very important to him." She turned her head to look out the window "father regrets your banishment. He wants you home"

Zuko was frozen in place "father regrets?"

"I can see you need time to think this through, ill be by to collect you in the morning" Azula smiled softly before a flash of worry flashed on her face for a split second as she walked out the door.

When Azula's true intentions were revealed Zuko and Iroh managed to flee from her and her soldiers. When they stopped at the river to cut their hair Zuko looked at Iroh when he watched the inky hair fall into the river "your gold hair will conceal your identity fairly well my nephew"

"Yeah, it'll hide me pretty well" nobody had seen Zuko with his golden hair before. He hadnt seen his hair fully gold since age five.

On their travels his hair grew fairly fast now that it wasnt being dyed so often. It would catch the eye of several earth kindom citizens when he passed through towns. When he and Iroh were sitting against a building with a hat in front of them a young woman approached them and slipped a few gold pieces in "I know this might sound creepy, and I'm only asking this because I cannot resist. But may I kiss your hair sir? You can say no, I won't take my money back."

Zuko flushed a light shade of pink and scratched the back of his head "uhm, s-sure?" He mumbled out and leaned his head towards her. She placed a tender almost motherly kiss to the top of his head.

"Oh, your hair is so beautiful sir, it's like a million rays of sun. I wish you luck, i can only spare a little but if you'd take these small meals Im sure they'd help you" she said while offering two wrapped meals

They accepted and thanked her with small bows "what a nice young lady, huh?" Iroh said and nudged Zuko's arm

"Yeah, she was very nice"

When Zuko and Iroh found Azula and Aang battling in an abandoned earth town Azula pointed out his hair "wow Zuzu! You look just like a star! Where'd all that ink go?" When the fight ended and Iroh was injured Zukos cheeks felt like magma was pouring from his eyes.

"Zuko, I can hel-" Katara approached them

"LEAVE!" Zuko cried out, turning to Katara with golden tears running down his face.

While on the Ferry to Ba Sing Se Zuko was angry, not angry at anyone or anything in particular, he was just angry. "Hey" the voice of a man at his right side broke his brooding "names Jet"

"Lee" Zuko muttered out how cover name

"Yknow Lee, I hear the captain is eating like a king while we're stuck eating all his left overs" he paused "want to help me... liberate some food rations?"

It didn't take much to convince Zuko to join him. They liberated the food quickly without getting caught. Zuko found himself wandering the the front of the lower deck, leaning on the railing. "You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were" he paused as he approached Zuko "youre a refugee, like me. Thing is though, I've never seen hair like yours, let along your eyes."

Jet reached out and brushed Zuko's hair out of his face. "The freedom fighters could use a starlight like you, what do you say?"

Zuko smacked Jets hand away gently "thanks, but no thanks, you don't want me on your team, trust me"

In Ba Sing Se Iroh and Zuko made a life for themselves. They managed to have their own tea shop and apartment. Things were doing great, until Zuko went after the Avatar's bison, mind you he went there originally to take the bison captive, but when he saw that the creature was hurt he sheathed his swords and removed his mask, letting his golden hair free as he approached the bison "hey buddy, are you okay?" His voice was much softer than usual "oh no, here let me help you, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but I need to pull out this thorn" he talked to him the whole time he was pulling out thorns, gently rubbing the fur near it to sooth him.

When he pulled all of the thorns out he took out his swords "alright buddy, dont worry about the swords, im going to use them to cut you out of these chains, shhh its okay, you're okay" he continued to talk him through each of the six shackles "there we go big guy, now you need to get out of here, go find your friends- ah! Hey!" Appa knocked him over and gave him a thanks with a big sloppy dog like lick across his torso and face before taking off.

"You did well my nephew" Zuko shot up at his uncle's voice

"Uncle?" His startled voice wavered

"Now lets get you out of here and back home." And that they did.

When they made it back to their apartment Zuko felt dizzy, he held his head in his hand "I dont feel good" he managed to get out before collapsing and breaking a vase

"Zuko!" Iroh shouted as he rushed to his nephew to make sure he didnt hurt himself on any broken glass.

In his Angst coma Sokka heard his mother singing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me Happy! When skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't hide my sunshine away"

His sisters voice mocked his hair "youre hair makes you look like a dandelion, a weed can't take the throne!" Her cackling filled his ears.

There was a blinding light and a woman appeared with flowing gold hair and bright fire eyes "my dear star, why do you let yourself hurt so much?"

"I don't, who are you?"

"I'm Agni my dear, you do know I chose you right?"

"Why?"

"You are special my dear, your mother made sure to get my attention and I am so glad she did" the woman spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. Filling him with the image of her reaching out to kiss his eyes as a baby. "You are meant for great things little star." Her voice faded as she herself did

He soon woke from his coma with a fresh breath. Taking charge in making sure his Uncle's tea shop did well, and helping him where he could. However Azula soon found them and summoned them to the palace under the guise of serving tea to the king. Things didnt end well and Zuko was thrown into a cave beneath the City with Katara.

"Why would they throw you in here!" Her angry and hurt voice filled his ears as he tried not to make her feel more uncomfortable by staying as far from her as possible.

when she mentioned her mother he turned around and spoke "thats something we have in common"

"What?"

"My mother was my only source of safety... she was the only one who defended me against my sister and my father. And one day my father was ordered to... do something terrible and my mother protected me somehow, I dont know what happened but when I was half awake she told me goodbye and when I fully woke up she was gone."

When they were separated and Azula had Iroh trapped she approached "Zuko, nows your chance to come home. Help me defeat the avatar and you can come home. Without inking your hair. Isnt this what you've always wanted? You'll have your honor back, you'll have fathers love back"

And despite all he had gone through he still chose the path of returning to his father. When he did return his father wanted to dye his hair but Azula spoke up against it "father, if I may. Zuko's hair is a symbol of the fire goddess Agni, if he were to take the thrown it'd be best to show that she has chosen him"

"Yes, that is true. Alright, off with you two"

Reuniting with Mai wasnt smooth, she confessed to him that her and Ty Lee connected and while he was saddened he just smiled "I'm glad you two are with eachother, you work well"

On the day of Black sun, with the information he had learned from Iroh and armed with the fact that his father was practically powerless without his bending. He approached him.

"Zuko, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to tell the truth"

Ozai let out a snort "telling the truth during an eclipse?" He waved off his gaurds "what do you have to say"

"First of all, Azula lied to you, she was the one who shot down the avatar"

"What?! Why would she lie about that?"

"Because the avatars not dead, he's probably leading this invasion right now"

"Get out! Get out if you know what's good for you!"

"Thats another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore"

"You will obey me or face the consequences!" As Ozai stood Zuko drew his dual swords and took a stance

"Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen"

He went on to question his father "you knew Agni chose me as a child and that was the reason my hair turned gold. You knew this and yet you hid that from the world, you darkened my hair for years, and you have the gull to tell me I was lucky to be born. You! The tyrannical leader set out to destroy the world. you! My own father challenged me to an Agni Kai just for speaking out of term, how could you possibly justify a duel with a child!"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel and it was wrong"

"Then you have learned nothing!"

"No! I've learned everything, and I've had to do most of it on my own" he paused "Growing up we were taught that the war was our nations way of spread joy, what an incredible lie that was, the other nations don't love us, they fear us, and they are right to fear us, we've brought the world to an era of hate and suffering, now we need to fill it with one of peace and joy"

"Your uncle has gotten to you hasnt he" Ozai laughed

"Yes, he has, and I've come to another decision, im going to join the avatar, and im going to help him take you down."

After announcing this he turned to leave but stayed to learn about what happened to his mother

"She's alive?" He said in a soft voice as a single golden tear rolled down his cheek

"Perhaps," Ozai paused "now i see that banishment is far too small of a punishment for treason" he said as he gathered lightning and shot it at Zuko who quickly redirected it right back at him before escaping.

After finding that Iroh had broken out of prison Zuko fled the firenation in a small war ballon and followed the Avatar's Sky bison to the western air temples. Their first encounter didn't go so well and he managed to burn Toph's feet but after helping them defeat the assassin and managing to form his words more properly and giving a genuine apology to Toph he was on the team.

Some time after joining and managing to break Sokka's dad, Suki and Chit Sang out of prison they were all sitting around the fire. "So.. uhm Zuko" Aang started

Zuko turned to look at him "yeah?"

"I have to ask, pretty bunch nobody in the firenation has golden blonde hair right?" Zuko absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair at the question

"Yeah, and when you were first chasing us your hair was black, whats up with that?" Sokka added

"Oh, uh, well my hair was always dyed black because my father doesn't like my gold hair..." he paused "when I was born, I was sick, so sick that my parents thought I was going to die. But my mother pleaded with Agni to spare me, she took me to the sun worship alter in the palace gardens at sunset and held me up, pleading. When the last ray of light from Agni, my hair turned golden and I began to cry. So, in a sense the sun gave me my life"

"Like Yue!" Sokka piped up

"Like who?"

"Princess Yue! She was born sick just like you, and the moon spirit saved her. Well, she's the moon spirit now"

"Woah woah wait, is this the girlfriend you said turned into the moon?"

"Yep!"

"Well, just don't go falling for Zuko now, dont want to have your first boyfriend turn into the sun" Suki teased him

"Hey, at least I'd have a full set of spirit lovers"

Zuko's face turned beet red and the group laughed at him. Over the next few weeks of them being in close quarters Zuko found that he was growing feelings for the water tribe boy. Anytime he'd look at him he felt his stomach do a flip. But he didnt have time to think about his feelings.

Even though the sun touched prince tried not to think about Sokka on the mission with Katara, he couldn't help it. When they were returning Katara piped up "I know you like him" she paused to watch his surprised face "its okay you know, its fine if you like him. I dont have like you to let my brother like you. I may be cold to you but im not a monster like your father" she tied off the sentence by staring off "and besides, if Agni chose you, I think you would be safe for Sokka"

When they got back he heard sokka shout "You're back! Thank La youre safe!" Turning to Katara he expected to see Sokka running to hug his sister. Instead he was tackled to the ground with a hug from Sokka "how did it go Katara?" He asked from the ground while quite literally snuggling into Zuko with this hug that was still very much happening.

"I found him, and he was just so pathetic, i couldnt kill him"

Sokka then stood up and helped Zuko to his feet and placed a quick sneaky kiss to his cheek before moving to hug his sister, leaving Zuko frozen in confusion. He remained frozen until Suki came up to him "he's trying to confess silently, he's weird like that, corner him later if you want to hear an actual confession"

He however didn't manage to corner the now seemingly overly flirty blue boy until they were at ember Island. It wasnt until just before bed when Sokka was walking past Zuko's bedroom door. He reached out grabbed Sokka's shirt and yanked him into the room before slamming the door shut and pinning him to it. "What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean? You're the one who dragged me into your room, what are you doing?"

"Dont play dumb with me Sokka, you've been flirting with me since I got back from my trip with your sist-"

"Actually ive been flirting with you since the temples, you just didn't notice until I kissed you"

"You mean until you missed"

"What?"

Zuko smirked "you missed" he mumbled before leaning closer "you went for a kiss but you missed"

They ended up spending the night sharing a room and a bed. When the morning sun peaked through the windows Zuko curled back into sokka who in turn pulled him closer. Both refusing to wake up until Katara knocked on the door and opened it "breakfast is ready, if you two love birds want some warm food you better hury and I better not see any hickeys"

"Ugh! Katara we just cuddled!" Sokka said as he burried his face in Zuko's hair.

Katara simply laughed "alright, but still, hury up."

When the day of the comet came and Zuko had to separate from Sokka he saw the worry in his blue eyes "Ive got this Sokka, Agnj chose me remembe, besides, I've got Katara with me and she's powerful" he placed a quick kiss to Sokka's lips "go take down those ships, and I'll see you by the timd the sun rises tomorrow."

And he was right, even though he was shot with lightning and Sokka broke his leg they both came out of the battle alive and together. When Zuko woke up to find Sokka curled up against him he smiled and let out a soft breath of pink fire. Relief.

"Woah, do that again" Sokka's groggy 'just woke up' voice rumbled against his shoulder

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, do you mean this?" He let out another breath of fire, this time a pale purple

"I didn't know you could do other colors of fire"

"Well, I couldn't until I went to the sunwarriors, Agni spoke to me there"

After Zuko's Coronation the firenation began righting their wrongs. It was a long struggle for sure. However two years into his reign with Sokka having practically moved in he found that he would soon have a partner to help him through these struggles.

The day had only just begun but Sokka was dragging Zuko to the turtleduck pond where they often sat together to simply relax. Sokka seemed a little antsy this time though "what's wrong Sokka?"

"Uhm, well, I have something I need to ask you," he paused and reached into his pocket while sinkning down to one knee. Zuko's breath caught in his throat as he saw Sokka pull out a betrothal becklace, the band was made with a fine red silk and the center piece was gold with a carving of a sun with a wave inside of it. "Zuko," he took a shaky breath "you've been by my side for two years now, you've held my hand through war and peace, quite literally, and you've done so while loving me whole heartedly. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Zuko could feel golden tears threatening to fall fram his molten eyes "Zuko, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He heard himself responding before he could even think "Agni, yes Sokka, of course I'll marry you!"

Sokka moved from his kneeling position to lifting Zuko up into a kiss, holding him right under his rear. Zuko held his face in his hands as he pressed his lips to Sokka's as he was lifted up quite unceremoniously.

Once he was set down Sokka helped him put on the betrothal necklace. He reached up to touch the Golden pendant and smiled up at Sokka with gold tears falling down his cheeks.

Their marraige was held not long after, joining the southern water tribe and the firenation in a strong Union with a mixed culture wedding blues, silvers, reds and golds filled the wedding and reception as well as suns and moons.

Agni smiled down on the wedding that day, her chosen sunshine found his moon.

Yue smiled on them that night as they stood on the balcony holding one another. The boy who protected her finally found his light.

>Woo boy that was a long one! I sure hope you enjoyed it!<

[k-rising]

hai i read about the dynamic between jungwoo and jaehyun u know what that jungwoo jealus of and what jaehyun think that jungwoo doesnt have talent ? yeap SPORTS. jungwoo got underestimated alot in terms of sports. many nct members consider jungwoo as a weak person.. when in reality he is actully good at it well not all but some sport his is good esp sport with technique. and yeah jungwoo always always and alywas blam him self and not satisfied with him self when in reality.. ( cont)

if jungwoo could love him self and embracy his true slf he will be one of the most charming kpop idol.. you may not believe it but i'm good at observing people he is so charming, attractive yet seducing haaha he dont use this ability that much only for several occasion that he wanted to.. he has so much talent too actually but bcs of his low self esteem he always consider him self as week person every single time... it is really sad tbh :( :(

jungwoo is actually is a very smart person considering how he write and how he explain and speak through any interview. he is a very hard working person.. and a very understanding guy.. he so close to himself tbh... not all knows the real jungwoo and all his stories.... it is really sad that once in the concert he said that he did not deserve to cry.. bcs he join late he went through alot actually ups and downs and i hope this year he will satisfied with all his hard work.. please pray for jw

I agree with everything you said, but I was just describing what the cards were saying to me through the reading, that's it lol.

jungwoo joined 127 when they were already active and he must have been under a lot of pressure at the beginning :(

i'm not gonna comment about their conflicts, since it's something that they need to resolve on private if they want to, ofc., but having a tense relationship with someone who's in the same group as you is nothing new... specially with a group with a lot of members like nct! there are members that do get along and some others that don't... just like us! you don't get along with all of your classmates or family members and that's totally fine! but what it's not fine is when things escalate to another level, if you know what I mean...

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

[palettepainter]

“Raaammmieeellllll!” A familiar sounding voice whispered into her ear. Ramiel stirred in her slumber, but didn’t open her eyes, nor did she sit up from her bed to greet the visitor. She was fully aware of who they where, and if she had learnt anything from them, it was that giving them no reaction at all was often the best choice to take. It went quite for a few minutes, before something poked her cheek “Raaammieeeeelll!!” The voice sang, poking her cheek with a huge child like grin on their face, seeming to not understand that the said sleeping angel wanted them to go away. Ramiel’s brows furrowed a bit, and she tried to shove away their hand with her shoulder, alas, her attempts were futile. Once again silence, and Ramiel shifted back into a comfier position to sleep...until “Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel-“ The cheek poking became repetitive, and soon became quickly affective at waking her up. Any other angel would have reacted with annoyance and even anger, (obviously), but for Ramiel, she had come to accept this as simply being one of the many morning greetings from her friend. And the said friend was none other than: “Jevil..” “Good morning dearest!!~” The mighty god of chaos sang cheerfully, casually floating above her and smiling ear to ear. Ramiel groaned sleepily, reaching for her glasses as she shifted into a sitting position. “So good to see you! Why! It feels like it was an eternity since we last saw each other! Don’t you think?” “..We saw each other yesterday” Ramiel said blankly, stating an obvious fact Jevil sighed “Oh how time flies!” Rolling over in the air, Jevil laid on his back, folding his arms behind his head and throwing one leg over the other, tail swaying slowly. “Hmm..” Jevil tapped his chin, darting his eyes up and down Ramiel’s exhausted look: with her usually neat and finely combed brown hair now a messy tangle of nots, her smart attire now just a simply blue night vest, and the droopy look in her expression, like she was struggling to stay awake. “Though I must be honest with you, you have been better looking!“ he batted his hand, still smiling “Now don’t take that to heart! It’s just that in my professional opinion, you’ve always suited having the smart and intellectual look over the morning bed head look.” Ramiel cocked her brow, unamused “..That’s because it’s midnight Jevil.” She directed a hand to her window, where the night sky twinkled down on the whimsical land of heaven. Jevil let out a small cackle, and leaned his noodle cat like body down near Ramiel “I knew a smart cookie like you would point that out!” Jevil offered several pats to Ramiel’s head, beaming at her like a mother would with their child. Leaning away, Jevil crossed his arms, gesturing with one hand  “Yes I figured you’d be a little bit salty with me for showing up so horrifically early - but sadly, altering the cycle of the sun isn’t something a-“ he made quotation marks “-‘reformed god’ does. After all-“ Jevil pulled a sassy grin, expecting his nails coyly “I am reformed!” He snapped his fingers, conjuring up a halo above his head “..Well, apparently not breaking into friends houses still needs work” “Ah-Ah-Ah!” Jevil wagged his finger “Whoever said it was a forced entry?” Jevil paused, before jabbing a thumb down the hallway “The kitchen window was open.” Ramiel pinched the skin between her nose, huffing under her breath. “What is it you want Jevil?..” she asked, tiredness still evident in her voice. The god  smiled happily, clapping his hands together eagerly “Isn’t it obvious dear? Why, I’ve come to deliver little Leo’s birthday gift!!” Silence hung in the room, and Ramiel blinked, genuinely unsure if Jevil was being serious. But when Jevil only continued to smile and wait for her response... “..Jevil..You do know that babies usually aren’t..awake at midnight.” “Yes.” Jevil answered politely, curiously inspecting the pillows on the end of Ramiel’s bed “..And that Leo’s birthday party doesn’t start until lunch time, correct?” “At 2pm sharp!” Jevil added formly Ramiel held her hands together, inhaling a calming breath, before she dipped then like a steeple “..So dont you think it would be better if you gave Leo your gift..at the party?” She paused, and took that moment to glance momentarily out of her window “..When the sun is up.” Jevil let out a merry chuckle, rolling about in mid air as if he had just been told a hilarious joke, but Ramiel remained looking unamused, her brow raised at her friends behaviour. “Ramiel Ramiel Ramiel!” Jevil sang, teleporting to Ramiel’s side in a flash of light “My dear DEAR friend-“ He slung an arm round Ramiel’s shoulders “You underestimate the sheer love and affection I have for your son! After all - I DID make a vow to be his godfather, did I not?” “It was more like begging.” Ramiel correcting “Details details.” Jevil rolled his eyes. “Besides, I most sadly wont be able to attend the delightful celebration.” He held the back of his hand to his head “Truly tragic, a party is never a party without dancing tea cups and cotton candy rabbits” Ramiel sat their staring in surprise. When did Jevil ever miss a party? More so, when did Jevil ever miss any of Leo’s parties! Ramiel couldn’t find any reason why Jevil wouldn’t be able to attend, she knew perfectly well Jevil didn’t care for doing chores or errands for anyone unless she persuaded him too, and Jehovah had banned any chaotic magic on the main land, so he had not chaotic work to do. “..Why won’t you be attending?” She finally asked Jevil was quite for a brief moment, his ears lowering a little, before he quickly flashed a grin and patted her shoulder “Oh it’s nothing to worry about! I simply misplaced my butterfly sandwich catching net at the bottom of the upside down lake!” He faked slapped his hand, throwing his head back a tad “I’m such a butter fingers! And I can’t attend a party without my butterfly sandwich catching net! After all, catching the sandwich’s rather then devouring them straight away is much more fun!” Ramiel had the sneaky suspicion that maybe that wasn’t the true reason, and her expression must have said so, because as soon as Ramiel went to speak, Jevil beat her to it. “Well then-“ he floated upwards, and pulled a goofy looking alarm clock from his pocket “It seems I’ve jabbered long enough!” He shook the clock near his ear and listened to the rythmatic tic tocking, before shoving it back inside its rightful pocket. “I had better deliver my gift!” He held up a finger as he spoke “Now: I want my gift to put to full use! By the time the clock strikes midnight tomorrow, the gift shall be of no more use!” “..No more use?-“ “And I want to also add, this is quite the generous gift, and I’m not quite used to being this giving.” He held a hand to his chest “And although you are not one for pestering Ramiel, do not expect me to be giving this gift back willy nilly.” Ramiel blinked “..What do you mean by-“ “And there of course shall be no magical side affects!” “..Magical...side affects?” Ramiel suddenly became uneasy, and a pit settled on her gut “..From..what?” Jevil scoffed “From the gift! Do pay attention Ramiel.” Jevil cracked his fingers, and then rubbed his hands together, tail wagging, clearly excited to give this mysterious gift “Now then! I shan’t waste anymore of your time Ramiel! After all, you’ll need to be looking your best for the party!” Jevil held up his fingers and prepared to snap, closing his eyes, but paused to quickly add “Oh! And do save me a slice of cake and sandwiches!” “Jevil wait!-“ Snap. The floating god snapped his fingers. Ramiel expected some kind of dramatic explosion of confetti or for a massive plush toy to appear in the far corner..but to her surprise, nothing happened. Eyes remaining closed, Jevil rummaged around in his pocket again, pulling out a small silver zip “Delivery, officially delivered!” He praised outload, before he let the zip float in front of him. He pulled the zip down, creating an opening back into his chaos realm “Toodle-loo!~” He said with a waggle of his fingers, before he stepped through the portal, as it shut neatly behind him. Ramiel stared at the spot where Jevil once was, all that remained now where some sparkles that gradually disappeared. Jevil’s instructions ran through her head, the cogs turning as she tried to piece it all together. What kind of gift had Jevil gotten? What did he mean by no magical side affects? Had Jevil..put a spell on Leo! Now that she thought about it she realised it wouldn’t be such a surprising thought, Jevil did enjoying using his magic to its full use, but if so, then what kind of spell had he casted? She knew it wouldn’t be anything dangerous, Jevil wasn’t THAT careless! Especially when it came to Leo. ...Ramiel exhaled a long breath “Well...guess I’ll just have to find out” she said to herself, before placing down her glasses, and drifting back into sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~ “And after that he just..left?” Ramiel nodded with an ‘mhm’, placing down a second bowl of crisps on the table. Her two eldest brothers exchanged confused looks “Hmm, odd..” Baraquiel adjusted his glasses, thinking for a moment longer before he spoke “Mister Jevil has always been a peculiar person but..it’s not like he would miss Leo’s birthday party for nothing.”   “And you’re SURE he was making up an excuse?” Nathanial asked while turning to his sister, who only nodded. Both brothers hummed, and then exchanged looks once again, like they where having a telepathic conversation. “He told me he misplaced his net by the upside down lake..” Ramiel idly traced her finger round the edge of one of the plastic party cups, sighing quietly “But...something told me he was lying..” Ramiel fell silent, and let out another quite sigh, shifting a few things about on the table, trying to find something to keep her mind off the topic. Baraquiel cleared his throat, and then walked up to Ramiel, Nathanial soon following his lead “I’m sure Jevil will come along in his own time” “Yeah, you know him” Nathanial said paired with a shrug “Always fashionably late.” Ramiel peered up at her siblings, and tried her best to smile, it was still clear she was upset - Baraquiel and Nathanial wanted to try and reassure Ramiel further, but the two decided against it, perhaps it would be best to leave the topic be for now. “Well..” Ramiel glanced to the clock briefly, and then peered back to her siblings “The guests will be here soon, could you two finish with the food?..I’m going to go and wake Leo.” Ramiel could vaguely hear Nathanial and Baraquiel agreeing as she walked off down the hallway, but her mind was elsewhere, and she hardly heard what it was they said. Her mind was pondering on the question she’d be asking herself for the whole of that morning: Why had Jevil lied? The god of chaos worked in mysterious and unexplainable ways, and no one truly knew what it was that he was planning or going to do next. But for Ramiel, things where different. She had picked up on certain behaviours of his, and how he acted in different scenarios. At this stage, Ramiel was confident that she could read Jevil like a book. And her gut was telling her for sure that Jevil hadn’t been honest with her. But why? Why would Jevil had needed to lie? Did he simply not want to attend the party? Was he nervous about the angels that would be showing up? Was he nervous he may make the party worse with his magical antics? The last option seemed like it could have been a reason, but Ramiel soon thought against it, Jevil was never really shamed to show off his abilities. However, with 2pm drawing closer and the party almost ready, there was no time for her to find Jevil and question his actions. ‘I suppose I could talk about it with him later..maybe he will show up, Jevil is very fond of parties after all’ she told herself Approaching the door to her sons room, she could already hear the familiar gurgling and babbling coming from inside. Smiling, Ramiel reached for the door handle and then poked her head inside “Good morning Leo” the birthday boy was sitting up in his crib, back facing his mother as he waved his stuffed bear enthusiastically, giggling away. Ramiel couldn’t help but snicker as she walked inside the room, reaching into her sons crib and lifting him up to cradle him “Happy birthd-“ Ramiel’s words got caught in her throat, and in that second, if felt as if even the earth itself had stopped moved. For in her arms, staring back at her with child like glee, love, and curiosity - where two pink, spiral eyes. Jevil’s eyes Leo waved his tiny hands up at the face of his mother, wanting to touch her face. Lost in both wonderment and pure fear, Ramiel slowly lifted Leo up to her, just like how she would do every morning so that he could tell if it was her. Leo drooled on his onesie sleeve, and then reached a curious hand out, grabbing his mothers cheek. Ramiel felt a fresh bulk of tears gathering in the corner of her eye when a lob sided smile pulled at her little angels lips He let out a gurgly giggle, hands freely roaming her face as he felt at her cheeks, forehead and glasses. He soon began to nom on some strands of her hair, but she didn’t care, she choaked back a sob, her lips curling up into a smile. “Ramiel?” Nathanial poked his head into the room, his brother senses kicking in when he heard her light sobbing from the hallway. Concern growing he quickly walked over to her, soon followed by Baraquiel. Once the two where close to her, their eyes widened to the size of plates when they saw Leo with bright pink eyes. He gurgles at the two new faces, reaching curious hands out to both of them. “W-What..” Nathanial pointed a slightly trembling finger at his nephew “What happened to his..eyes?” Baraquiel, compared to Nathaniel looked much more calmer, and slowly waved his finger in front of Leo from side to side, the baby followed his finger, and then grabbed it with a giggle. He hummed “It...seems he can see.” He said, half lost for words “..Jevil’s eyes” “..What?” Nathaniel gave his sister a cocked brow Ramiel smile grew more, as she finally brought Leo close to cradle him, the curious tot was peering all around the room, taking in the new sights that he could not see before. Ramiel lowered her head to gently kiss his forehead, and it earns her a string of giggles and tiny excites claps. “They’re Jevil’s eyes...His gift!” It all finally clicked into place, and Ramiel suddenly realised what gift Jevil had given. “He said there would be no magical side affects..I, assumed he had casted some spell, but..” she paused, before sniffling, and wipping at her eye “I didn’t except anything like this!” Once again she drew Leo closer to her, hugging him with the most tender loving care, showering his forehead with kisses, and little Leo happily took the attention from his precious mother. Nathanial And Baraquiel, gradually recovering from their shock, eagerly knelt a little to make eye contact with Leo, who glanced to his Uncles. “Hey there little dude! What’s it like to see now huh?” The only response Nathanial got was incoherent babbling, but it sounded happy, so he’d take it. He let out a rare chuckle, before he moved out of the way for Baraquiel to say hello. “Hello there little one!” Once again, Baraquiel reaches out his finger and gently tickled Leo’s stomach. The baby let out a squeaky laugh, before grasping at Baraquiel’s finger. Ramiel couldn’t help but snicker under her breath, unfolding her wings she gently pulled her two oldest brothers into a hug, eyes still smiling down at Leo with warmth and love. The moment was perfect, until a very  ‘poof’ sound came from the lounge..followed by a thud and a groan All eyes went to the doorway of the bedroom, Nathanial felt his fingers curling into a fist was was prepared to throw a punch, but relaxed when very familiar and fuzzy face leaned into the doorway. “Ramiel!!~” Jevil greeted enthusiastically, waving four nets in his hand as he beamed a mischievous grin “I brought my sandwich catching net!! And lookie-“ He gestured to the other three “I brought spares!~ Who’d have know my sandwich nets where in my closet the whole time! Oh were going to have so much fun my dear!!” Jevil went to pat Ramiel’s head, only for him to pat nothing. Chuckling nervously, Jevil guided himself cautiously into the room, before he found who he guessed to be Ramiel from the sound of Leo’s gurgling, and patted her head softly. “Ah, I’m terribly sorry for that.” Jevil pointed to his eyes, that where now replaced with glassy shiny eyes, Leo’s eyes. “I may have made a slight misjudgement, this is a lot harder then I thought it would be.” There was a brief pause, and for a small moment, Jevil was worried he had said something wrong. His intrusion might have interrupt a sweet moment- Jevil felt something wrap around his middle, and then something fluffy resting on his back. He hummed, ears perked forward. He looked down where the sounds of Leo’s gurgling where strongest. Though he couldn’t see it, Ramiel was hugging him. One arm and wing wrapped around his back while the other arm held her son, who was still babbling away. Something warm began to grow in Jevil’s chest, it felt weird, but oddly nice. Smiling, Jevil reached a hand gently down to feel Ramiel’s head, before he carefully knelt down to wrap his arms and wings round her and Leo, returning to hug. Leo cooed, leaning his head to the side - he reached out a hand and rugged at one of Jevil’s feathers, causing him to flinch. “Oh don’t worry!” Jevil leaned back and balanced himself perfectly on his tail, leaning his head down to what he guessed was at eye level with Leo “Your old Uncle Jevil hasn’t forgotten about you!” Leo clapped his hands and kicked his legs excitedly, remembering Jevil’s voice almost instantly. With Ramiel’s help, she guided Jevil’s arms so that he was now cradling Leo. Jevil’s grin couldn’t have been more bright as he fondly nuzzled Leo, the enthusiastic tot cooed once again, hands reaching to Jevil’s cheeks to feel at his fur, the soft touch bringing back more memories of him. KNOCK KNOCK “Ah, must be the others.” Nathanial and Baraquiel walked to the doorway “We’ll let you guys catch up, see you two out there!” Nat said whip casually waving as he and his brother left out into the hallway. As guests filled up in the lounge, Jevil continued to coddle and dot over Leo, speaking in the most sugary sweet baby voice he could make. It was an amusing sight to see, the mighty lord of chaos fussing over a wee baby. Ramiel watched with a content smile, sighing quietly. “Well-“ Jevil snapped his digits, and the four sandwich catching nets magical materialised into his spare hand and Leo safely appeared in his mothers arms. “Aren’t we going to go and join the others? This IS a party after all!” Smile still present, Ramiel let Leo lean on her shoulder, lightly bouncing him in her arms “Yes, let us join them.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ @cosmic-artzz I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I had this idea ages ago and it was inspired by some RP’s me and Cosmic had over Twitter, involving my god of Chaos OC Jevil, and her angel OC’s Ramiel and her son Leo. I’m not sure when exactly Leo is born in Cosmic’s heaven AU, but this story probably takes place way in the future. To anyone who doesn’t know about these characters: Ramiel was assigned to be Jevil’s caretaker of sorts, so that Jevil can become reformed (I’m not sure if this is cannon in Cosmic’s main heaven AU or if this takes place in a completely separate AU) - I told Cosmic that Jevil would adore Leo, he’d trade his left arm and right leg of it make him happy. This is a story of Jevil generously leading Leo his sight for his birthday, while Jevil has Leo’s blindness for the day, but that won’t stop him from having fun! (sorry if some parts aren’t written well, I’m not that good at writing sappy stuff)

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT/COPY/TRACE MY ART, THE OC’S OR MY WRITTING!! Ramiel/Leo/Nathanial/Baraquiel - @cosmic-artzz Jevil - me

[wild-child-with-a-purpose]

"I see you took up your birthright boy." Crowley snarls, Matty's golden eyes glowing. "I took my place as king, but I'm not about to become you." Matty spits back, looking disgusted. "Oh, so being a murderous, communist Mafia leader is so much better." Crowley shoots back, looking amused. "I did whatever I had to do to keep myself and my family safe. I only killed out of self defense." Matty replies, anger on his features. "And yet, you almost killed your mother's sister out of hatred multiple times because of your mother." Crowley answers, Matty wincing. "Face it boy, you're no better than me. You've killed, cheated, and lied to get what you wanted. And for what? To keep your place as king? Quite laughable. Look at yourself, Matthew, you've been nurtured from the start to be a pawn. Max had taken you in to replace your brother, pushed and trained you in the direction of a Mafia leader to follow in her footsteps. And me, well I had my own selfish reasons for birthing you into the world. I wanted you to stand by me in the war and enslave the world to do our bidding while we ruled over everything. Your mother, humans are such curious creatures, thought she could save you. Quite foolish." Crowley finishes, Matty seething. "Dont you dare, I didnt do anything I didnt want to do." Matty replies, staring him down. "Oh really, so killing Lucius 2nd LT was something you wanted to do?" Crowley questions. "I did that because I hated him, I was 7 and wanted to prove myself to my mother, and he hurt Viper," Matty admits. "No one forced me to."

Crowley studies his son, smiling coldly. "And killing me?" He asks, curious. "You tried to kill my Mafia with your army and you tried to kill me." Matty responds, Crowley smirking. "Its true I did try to kill you towards the end, but at first you will remember, all I wanted was you to join me. You didnt want me dead because you hated me, you wanted me dead because you were afraid of what you would become." Crowley reveals, Matty looking slightly surprised. "Even now you refuse to accept who you really are, you dont use what you were born with."

"And who am I?" Matty replies, Crowley smirking. "You are Matthew Ares Marshall, King of Death & Hell. You were born with dark powers and you actually don't realize how powerful you really are. Erdrick almost unlocked your full potential himself, but you seemed to have accidentally already figured it out. You think the revival of your brother was an accident? No son, you made that happen. You could have anything you want in the world and it baffles me that you are content with just the Mafia." Crowley tells him, Matty rolling his eyes. "I am Matthew Ares Watson-Lial. I am the son of Maxine Lial and John Watson. I am the King of the Mafia & the King of Hell and Death. I know my place in the world and it certainly isnt with you. It's with my family," He says, gesturing to the people around him. "And I will do anything for them to protect them from the likes of you. I refuse to use my powers for personal gain as you suggest. They are only to be used as needed and with restraint as I've been taught." Matty answers. "You wont win this war." Crowley warns, Mattys turn to look amused. "I have several combined armies, which out number yours severely. Dont underestimate us. You've tasted our victory before and you will taste it again." Matty assures him, Crowley shrugging. "We will see."

Matty, Remy, Leon, Max, and the rest of the army stand strong, glaring down at Crowley's and his army, when all of a sudden...

Matty cries out in pain, a sharp blade protruding from his chest. Crowley's minion had snuck up behind him while they were talking, taking down the king through his heart. As Matty's body falls to the ground, the battlefield erupts.

Matty wakes up in a bright room, his birth mother standing across from him, Matty not noticing at first. His fist punches into the wall, angry tears falling down his face. "NO, NOT FAIR, NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!" Matty yells in frustration, his mother approaching him. "Matthew..." His mother whispers, Matty turning to look. He focuses through his tears, studying her. "Mom?" Matty asks, Regina nodding. "Yes my son, it's me." She answers softly, wiping away his tears. "Why, why me, why here?" Matty asks, Regina shaking her head sadly. "You have a choice to make son and the realization of who you really are." Regina answers. "What choice? Everyone says I dont know who I am, but I do!" Matty answers in frustration, his mother studying him. "Do you? No, my dear boy, you know what you're made of, told to you by other people. Yes Matthew, you are a communist Mafia boss, you are a king, you are the son of Crowley & John Watson, you are the son of me and Maxine Lial, and you are the brother & family to Snow, Jasper, Rose, Lucius, and Alexei. You are Matthew Ares Marshall Watson-Lial, but son, who are you? Who are you as a person?" Regina asks gently, Matty looking confused. "You've been letting others direct your path in life. Its time you make the choice on who you really are or you never leave this place." Regina finishes, Matty finally understanding. "You want me to take charge of my life, don't you?" Matty questions, Regina nodding. "Your life has been set for you by your mother and admittedly your own father. And look at you son, your scars, your wounds that have healed, and how many times you've died. And your hatred son...almost killed someone innocent didnt it?" Regina asks. "You're talking about Arsenic arent you." Matty asks, Regina nodding. "You were hateful towards her, not realizing she was pawn much like yourself. You hated her because Max hated her. You dont have your own identity Matty, you are made up of what people made you into. And itll destroy you, John saw that as well, but powerless to stop it. By his own fear and your hatred when anyone tried to deter you from following Max's footsteps."

Matty paces, looking back at his mother.

"I can still do what I normally do?" Matty asks, her nodding. "Yes, but dont let it consume you." She replies softly, watching her son carefully. Matthew stands in the middle of the room, his arms outstretched. He closes his eyes once, focusing on himself. And for the first time in 16yrs, he let his demon and human side combine together. A flash of gold and black surrounds him, Matty gasping for air, his eyes forced open. His eyes were now a golden blue mix, evidence of his true self. "And now, who are you?" Regina asks, Matty smiling. "I am Matthew Ares, leader of my family and my life." He replies, Regina smiling. "Good job, my dear son, now go, go defend your kingdom." She says, the room and herself disappearing.

[starryevermore]

I get Colby is attractive, i get he's perceived as a sweet but mysterious type that is still dorky and that draws us in but none of us ACTUALLY know him. BT isnt good at faking his personality but maybe Colby is. Not saying Colby is an abuser but we dont know how he thinks or really feels. You arent who you hang out with until you refuse to acknowledge their behavior in which case you're a part of the problem.

Yeah, we’ll probably never know what Colby’s like behind the scenes. He could be similar to how we perceive him to be, or he could be more like the scumbag. I understand why Colby said he’s not who he hangs out with, but I think he severely underestimates how certain people influence our behavior. I hope he realizes that one day, so that he might understand how his friendship with the scumbag is clouding his judgment. 

[e8luhs]

i am very excited for refactoring!! i already love the characters. can you tell us more about the main cast? like personality and interests and stuff.

AW YES IM SO GLAD THAT YOURE EXCITED!! i got this ask this morning and it seriously made me want to stay home from school and just infodump. im putting this under a cut since it will probably get a bit long i just kind of wrote down some fun tidbits and etc

mavis

absolute jock-passing nerd. she dresses like she Does Sport even though she did like quiz bowl and whatnot instead.

shes quite chill and thoughtful (its the taurus rising) but gets easily bored and needs constantly new forms of stimulation to stay motivated. she loves a challenge and basically feeds off of that kind of stuff. this really only cancelled out when its something deeply stressful (like being teleported to an entirely new dimension and all that). she CAN settle down into one spot and feel comfortable with that so long as she isnt BORED because GOD FORBID SHES BORED.

mavis likes science but especially astronomy, and despite everything shes actually really into horror movies and the paranormal too. a definite Halloween Enthusiast and also listens to lemon demon dare i say.

whenever shes stressed or frustrated or anxious her knee jerk instinct is to try and joke about it and move on. she isnt really direct about how she feels and whatnot and when she IS its usually via punchline.

silas

silas is probably one of the easiest people to read in the cast. its basically impossible for him to lie or say that hes doing well if he isnt. hes a very honest person and expects that kind of honesty from others also, and it becomes really frustrating for him when people arent direct about how they feel

BECAUUUUSEEEE hes also very empathetic. both of the hao siblings are but he goes about it in a very different way than catriona. hes much more like “I have to know everything about why you are upset or else ill die” because if he sees someone sad and doesnt know why it basically eats him up inside until he knows.

hes also a bit of a jokester not about his feelings or anything but just in general! rather than using it as a defense he just really enjoys making people laugh. silas is very sociable.

sometimes he can be a bit of a try hard.... he is really doing his best and i love him. him and lea and mavis all share a need to establish themselves as something greater than they are and his mainly stems from Youngest Sibling Syndrome with a side of boredom with his own life too. mavis and silas really bond over that but silas didnt really take on any escapist tendencies like mavis did. he pushes himself to take action and try many things and considers many paths.

catriona

she has a teddy bear in her room that she hides in a reading cubby because its still important but she feels that her image as Mature and Put Together matters too much to really share that soft side with others. and i think that basically sums her up as a character.

really just needs some fuckin sleep. she is fueled by various caffeinated beverages (her favorites being an overly elaborate coffee order and arizona green tea). shes articulate, but because shes usually running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep she can sometimes miss small details or starts talking faster than her own thoughts+stumbling over her own words.

shes a bit suspicious of other people because shes had her trust tested a lot. catriona is very like kind and warm still though its just that like... you know. if you wrong her its very hard to win her back and she likely wont trust you with anything again.

shes also much more of a “fix it” kind of person when it comes to problems. she will absolutely provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it but at the end of the day she provides very practical support by trying to provide options. she takes the same approach with her own feelings too.

kirabo

basically like “*softly* dont”. they are very cautious and dont take a lot of risks unless theyre absolutely sure that it will work out and there will be a benefit. however, theyre still optimistic and theyre always able to see the best in other people and in any situation. not really in that toxic kind of positivity way... but as in like they are able to appreciate the small things and whatnot

^ that world view is basically why they are so into botany. its very precise but its something small that you can really appreciate and see your own success in little by little. they also like arts and crafts.

they are incredibly diplomatic despite their initial virgo stubbornness. theyre really open to other perspectives and theyre very patient/understanding. kirabo and catriona are basically opposites in this respect and so they balance eachother out a lot here.... they are like bestest buds.

they are very big on like Emotionally Productive Self Care. kirabo WILL put on a face mask and will be like “dont @ me i am chillin”. and they will be like “enough is enough i am going to knit a fucking scarf a second”. they just have a lot of little hobbies to keep them busy like that because they are super fidgety. anxious energy... the mercury-ism

minka

absolutely hates being underestimated in any capacity. minka is fully aware of her intelligence and capabilities and expresses no qualms with it whatsoever. alot of her insecurity ends up lying in her social life and etc. shes just been through a lot and really just wants to share her passions with other people.

really likes to decorate and APPEARS messy but is super organized. she has that sort of “chaotic order” thing going on where she can locate something even if its under a huge pile of random stuff. she has lots of stickers and lots of color-coding methods too.

will do the “are we there yet” thing and the “why? why? why?” thing. mostly out of curiosity to see how far she can go. she is always so curious about how far she can go with everything. so once she finds company she basically never wants to be alone. shes very talkative and inquisitive.

a baby bi.... she is still figuring it out a little though

lea

a little >:3c and i like love that for her. she has a lot of charisma and energy and those are things that she really NEEDS TO HAVE with being a video game streamer and all but deep down shes just really mischievous and playful too.

i consider her a vriska by technicality. she has a lot of issues revolving around her identity and how people perceive her because so much of the time she deals with people projecting an idea of what shes like onto her. so alot of her thing is allowing herself to just be rather than feeling like she needs to put on a show.

^ shes actually probably one of the hardest people to read in the cast because of that. its not that shes not being herself... its just that she feels like she needs to be a pretty altered version of herself. the neptune in 1st struggle. she also kind of tends to have one foot out the door on everything but it makes her very adaptable. pretty much opposite to mavis in that its hard for her to settle down in any sense.

has a scorpio mercury but a libra venus so basically like “good luck my deep lovecore affections for you will be hidden behind several proxies”. also it just makes it to where she comes off very Intense at first as is the scorpio placement way. but really its fucking great and i love her.

trinity

well theyre a scorpio sun AND a scorpio moon aka theyre like “i will know everything about you but you will never know anything about me ever” and also theyre like *rebirth* *rebirth* *rebirth*

despite what the emotional constipation and capricorn rising may tell you they are seriously A Lot. they make very quick decisions based on any instantaneous assumptions that they have so deep down theyre just very emotional and impulsive. AND intuitive which is partially because they are analytical of others but all around theyre mostly guided by like Vibez.

their precognition is kind of like if you randomly started having dreams during the day and only saw them through your left eye. so more than anything they get kind of like... weird deja vu when they talk to people or go to places that theyve seen in their visions.

really they are just like. okay in theory by first impression they would be a vriska but in actuality they are a rose lalonde because like. come on. theres a certain self-aware yet chaotic and dramatic and repressed je ne sais quoi here

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet. 

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He’s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs. 

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe’

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between. 

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense. 

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them. 

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’. 

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions. 

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story. 

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints. 

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him. 

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol. 

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol

[manuskrip]

Goodbye Asian Beauty Standards

I was born in a region where their people’s beauty standard is everything i’m not and where physical does matters. and the fact that i’ve never been successful in my own love life. 

My first ex boyfriend cheated on me and my first love treated me like a shit. And this of course the start of how my insecurities and super low self esteem came out. As a girl, it is not so easy for us to accept and realize and be grateful with the beauty we have in our body when….

when you were born in Asia.

When you were born there, all the things you could probably think about soon as you’re a teenager is how to look (at least) okay everytime-everywhere start from the head to toe. But as i grew up, i realized, that I was probably raised in a very wrong state of mind. That beautiful is expensive. that beautiful is white skin, thin lips, slim body, and make up. It’s not a big thing if you can find “beauty skin care’ everywhere on the streets in Asia, let’s say, in my country, Indonesia. It’s crazy to see how it is in Korea where people are allowed to have plastic surgery here, plastic surgery there. slimming pills are made and even worst there are some people who’s trying to be an anorexic because they wanted to look like barbies. Vegan is more like a trend, and fake face in filters are bombing social media.

meanwhile… there’s thousand people who were born unluckily under the standards they saw on the TV. but hell, if we think about it, is it really about people who were born unlucky because they don’t fit the standards or because they were born around judgmental asshole’s circumstances?

so lemme tell you one story.

I am 21 years old girl who has a tanned or let say sun-kissed that’s not so respectable in Asia. My lips are thick (maybe not as sexy as Angelina Jolie’s) and has 2 colors (even worst). i don’t have slimmy-stick-anorexic-posture of body. i mean, with everything i had, im way too far to be able to be called “beauty” according to Asian beauty standards.

And my bad experiences with guys really convinced me how i feel like i don’t deserve being happy with just being myself. I feel like no one will look at me like i really am and will like me despite all of my physical appearance. 

When i was still in junior high school, a dad of a friend of mine even called me nisa monyet -- means nisa monkey. And sometimes people (few of them) made a joke about me because i was so brown. they called me “nisa hitam” = “nisa black” which kind of confusing since i’m not even black.

When i was in senior high school i had my (i guess) 17th birthday and i remember my close friends gave me a very big black doll. And they (auf jeden Fall) refer it to me cause i’m ‘black’ and fat. i accepted it of course, it was a gift, and it was the only way to be polite. but yeah it was kind of hurting. even if thats what they called joking.

When i was in studien-kolleg a friend of mine was drunk and all of sudden texted me calling me ‘nisa miskin’ = ‘nisa poor’. Poor like literally poor who doesn’t have money. Cause that’s how people in my country sees through their glasses, that poor people has black skin, that if you’re black or brown, you will be categorized as poor people that never taking care about themselves. So as we know, drunk people always talk what’s on his mind, so he might as well labelled me as one. since i was a kid, i’ve already been used to people who underestimated me. 

those people who says bad words to me might be just joking, but those people never know how such mean words could affect another people’s life.

The thing is, this whole time, i’ve never lived in a year where i will feel confident about myself. i did have a massive lack of confidence. For years, for more than 7 years i feel like i’m ugly. Isn’t it so pathetic?

I tried to, alright, accepting myself and i was for several years focusing on something else. Focusing on me and things that i like. ever since then, i started to close my self, and to close my feelings. i started not to care about everybody else who’s in the end will not going to appreciate me because, i dont know maybe they’re ashamed having me as girlfriend or whatever. I cut the words “boys” and “boyfriends” and “love life” from my dictionary. and i’m getting used to it. i’m getting used to be all by myself. And i’m ready to move, into another place, in a hope that people don’t see me only through their eyesight. 

and then i moved to Germany. first year was not as good as i thought it would be, but still, it was a lot more better. i don’t have to follow the beauty statement like in my home country. i can be the person i want to be, and no one cares about how i look like. and this way i feel grateful to finally be able to appreciate myself more, to appreciate the simplest things in life, appreciate my skin colour, my eyes, my hair, my capability to adapt, my capability to live alone, my money, water, foods, everything, even to appreciate my own flaws. i learned a lot of things i would probably wouldn’t care about when i just stayed in a cave where people throw me shits because of the things i couldn’t choose before i was born. 

but yeah many people think studying abroad is so easy and exciting and luxurious, and cool. but darling, life is sadly not like a movie. People see less about how it is to live abroad cause social media --Instagram-- shows them so much lies. but no i won’t talk about it now. i will elaborate more about this topic in another page. 

back to where we were before, so yeah i started to piece by piece building my own relationship here. which also makes me think about writing it down. Friends, relatives, and boys. 

with a less capability of speaking germans and culture shock of course its a hard thing to do. at first it didn’t really work out. dealing with your own norms that your parents have been taught you this whole 20 years and thinking about how to fit in. the first six month was okay, i was still trying something new, i was still feeling the euphoria living in a cool country. but i can say the next sixth months  after was the hardest time. i started to realize that i might be hated here. i closed my self even more. i mean i do have lots of friends but they’re all mostly just slightly/superficially know me. there’s still no one i’m comfortable to be my own self with. there’s still no one i would like to tell my both sad and happy stories. the study is getting harder, the weather is getting worse, the purse is getting slimmer. my life is like so monotone. going to the Uni everyday, studying at night, doing Lab twice a week, cleaning up my room, cooking, partying on the weekend. that’s all. there was no sparkle that at least lighting up my life. Besides, my family is so far away. So there’s nothing really made me feel happy. and i felt so empty. and then i started to think about boys.

surprisingly, i’ve been dating a few western here. or precisely, Germans. it was so various, i mean i met lots of guys with different backgrounds. i once dating an athlete who happened to be my own senior at the University, once dating a racist capitalist, once dating a nice innocent happy go lucky guy, once dating a broken yellow fever, once dating a rich business man with mercedes benz, etc etc. but it was all turn out just like a speck in the dust because once again, its really not so easy to find a person you can really get along with, when you live in a place where the people don’t speak your language, don’t do your culture, don’t understand your jokes, and don’t have the same experiences like how hard and struggle it is to live like this.

until i met this beautiful and stupidly smart master graduate french, who turned out to be my highlight of the year and to be a person who brought more lights in to my darkness. To be my current boyfriend. 

I don’t get what he sees in me. and i guess i never will. However, it’s the start of a better Nisa. I probably would never recognize it if my friends hadn’t tell me . She said that i’m now being more confident and comfortable about with self.

This might sounds so lame but for the first time in my life, i feel like i’m beautiful with all of the things he does. And i’ve never had such thing before because no one has ever made me feel like i do. He made my flaws seems like they’re not. He made me finally found out, that this whole time, my perspective was wrong, that i was being so ungrateful with what i have, that Asian Beauty Standards are bullshit. 

Great news for today: i find my old friend again; confidence.

furthermore, among thousands of citizens in Stuttgart, i think i found a best friend. and i’m sure that the story about him will still to be continue.

but now i’m proudly say, Goodbye Asian Beauty Standards!

[samanthasroberts]

The chicken shop mile and how Britain got fat

With cheap and fattening food everywhere, there has been a shape shift that means people do not recognise obesity when they see it in the mirror

The Mile End Road in east London is awash with chicken shops not places to buy fresh poultry but takeaways where the oil is always bubbling and everything comes with chips. One piece of chicken in batter with fries and a can of full-sugar drink for £1.99. Two pieces for £2.79. There are utilitarian tables inside with red and white plastic cloths and large containers of ketchup, but many of the customers eat as they wander home in their school uniform.

In this London borough Tower Hamlets one in eight children starting primary school are obese, and that doubles to more than one in four when they leave, at age 11. The borough has the fifth-highest rate of child obesity in London and the sixth in the country.

Sir Sam Everington, a GP, deplores the chicken shop mile that begins just a short walk from his innovative Bromley-by-Bow health centre, where social and psychological problems are taken as seriously as the diseases that bring people in. There are all sorts of reasons why people become obese, but the 42 chicken shops per secondary school in the borough are definitely among them.

The child obesity figures are a disaster, according to Everington, who chairs the boroughs clinical commissioning group. Its a spectrum of malnutrition, he says over coffee in the pleasant cafe that is an integral part of the health centre. My assumption is that all my children are malnourished.

Chicken shops on Mile End Road, east London. Composite: Graeme Robertson

One of the worlds most affluent cities has children with problems we assume do not exist outside the developing world. Malnutrition is not just about starvation. And apart from the real danger that obesity will lead to heart disease, stroke and cancer in later life, the diet children are eating also leads to vitamin deficiencies and mouths full of rotten teeth.

For the NHS, this scenario is devastating. Even now, type 2 diabetes which is linked to obesity consumes nearly a 10th of the annual budget. There is some evidence that the rise in obesity in children nationally may have hit a plateau, but it is stabilising, not dropping. And weight particularly in adults but also in children is very hard to shift, thanks to our inbuilt biological defences. Our metabolism dramatically slows weight loss after a couple of months to prevent us starving to death.

Graph obesity in UK

Obesity is the new smoking, Simon Stevens, NHS Englands chief executive, has told the Guardian. It represents a slow-motion car crash in terms of avoidable illness and rising healthcare costs. If as a nation we keep piling on the pounds around the waistline, well be piling on the pounds in terms of future taxes needed just to keep the NHS afloat.

Britain spends more on obesity-related healthcare costs than on the police, the fire service, prisons and the criminal justice system combined, he says. Obesity-related conditions cost the NHS £6bn a year and rising. The diabetes bill is £9bn more. Its not just the wellbeing of people in this country and our children, but its also the sustainability of the NHS itself, Stevens said.

The NHS has to prevent people becoming ill in the first place. Stevens recently pledged a price rise for sugary drinks sold on NHS premises to staff and patients. Its a start, but theres a very long way to go.

Obseity

Around the country, only the type of takeaway varies, from fried chicken to fish in calorie-loaded batter to curries and burgers (all offered with sugary drinks). The problem is the same. A cultural shift has taken place over the past few decades. Cheap and fattening food is everywhere in pubs, restaurants, fast-food outlets and supermarkets. A shape shift has followed. Those living in areas where people are predominantly overweight no longer recognise obesity when it stares back at them from the mirror.

In the north-east of England, Sean Woodcock, a bariatric surgeon, deals with the consequences. There is a treatment that works, but it is drastic and not for everybody. Stomach-shrinking surgery forces those who go through it to eat less, because they feel full after tiny amounts of food. People shed vast amounts of weight, get out of their wheelchairs and regain their lives. But its a hard road to travel and Woodcock tells them so.

Bariatric surgeon Sean Woodcock holds a model of a stomach. Photograph: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

At a seminar in Monkseaton medical centre near Newcastle, where the Northumbria healthcare NHS foundation trust has taken over space for a dedicated bariatric outpatient unit, Woodcock looks around the semicircle of morbidly obese surgery candidates sitting on extra large chairs. He flicks up a slide of a twinkling cartoon fairy godmother. I ran out of fairy dust a long time ago, he tells them. There is no quick fix. It is hard work before the surgery because it is hard work after surgery. Motivated and informed patients get the best results.

Who has had a takeaway in the last week? he asks. A couple of hands go up. In the last month? Most hands are in the air. That has to end, he tells them. Who drinks fizzy pop? Everybody does. Some of my patients drink litres of the stuff every day, he says. My patients drink three or four litre-bottles of full strength [sugar-sweetened] and say: I dont know why I dont lose weight, Mr Woodcock.

Graph  obesity in Europe

Beer is an underestimated problem, too. John Smiths contains 250 calories a pint and Stella Artois 300. Ten pints is up to 2,500 or 3,000 calories and thats without going for your kebab, he tells them.

Nobody gets surgery without undertaking a weight management course, in which they are taught about diet and nutrition, fitness and exercise. They must demonstrate they are serious by losing a significant amount of weight thats where the avoidance of takeaways and fizzy pop comes in.

And they must also learn how to eat, post surgery. Some foods, such as bread and chewy meats, will not go down. They cannot drink and eat at the same time there must be at least half an hour between. Meals will be tiny. Anita Attala, specialist dietitian at the unit, says: You cant have the sweet things and you have to eat in a certain way and chew the food well. There is a risk of malnutrition and people must take vitamin supplements.

It represents a slow-motion car crash in terms of avoidable illness and rising healthcare costs. Simon Stevens Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

The staff, unlike much of the public, have infinite sympathy for the people they see. In most cases, there are psychological triggers behind the weight gain and many people have made huge efforts to lose weight. The vast majority are on a diet cycle, says Attala. They follow a commercial diet, lose weight, plateau and then pile it all on again. They start again and fail again. Commercial slimming organisations know it happens. Its why it is such a good business model. It is demoralising for people because they think its their failure. We had one patient who had been a slimmer of the year.

Claire Browell has been trying to lose weight since she was 18 Weight Watchers, Slimming World, commercial diets, pills you name it, she has done it. Aged 41, she was morbidly obese, with arthritis in her knees. She could not walk and was depressed. She has managed to lose more than 19kg (3 stone) on the educational weight management programme and Woodcock has just accepted her for surgery on 15 June. She is ecstatic.

She has taken to heart what Woodcock tells his patients that obesity-related diseases could cut their lifespan by 11 years. But Browell has not gone into this lightly. Surgery has its own risks. I have two children and it was a case of who is going to look after them if something happens to me? she says. If anything bad is going to happen, it normally happens to me. Who would look after my boys?

But eventually she came to realise her chances were worse without surgery. Who would look after the boys if she died from a stroke or heart attack as a result of her weight?

Claire Browell. Photograph: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

Stevens says bariatric surgery is not the answer for all 1.4 million people who are severely obese. It would cost £8.4bn similar to the pledged government increase in the NHS budget by 2021. It could bankrupt the health service. The answer, he says, has to lie upstream. We have to prevent obesity in the first place.

Everington agrees. It must start with babies and breastfeeding, which protects children against excessive weight gain. In schools, the GP says, I personally think health should be a compulsory part of the curriculum, ahead of maths and English. What is more important in life than health? I just want my kids to be happy and healthy. So all children should be taught cooking throughout their school career, and they need to run about much more. He cites the Stirling primary school that cut its obesity rate to zero by instituting a one-mile run or walk every day for all staff and pupils.

Outside school, we need safe cycle lanes (Tower Hamlets is building them), parks and restrictions on new takeaways. The existing ones cannot be closed. And, says Everington, GP practices, schools and other community institutions must all understand that they are well placed to help changeour ideas about the way we live and its impact on our health. A cultural shift set us off down this road. There needs to be another.

Sarah Boseley is the author of The Shape Were In: how junk food and diets are shortening our lives, published by Guardian Faber.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-chicken-shop-mile-and-how-britain-got-fat/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/03/11/the-chicken-shop-mile-and-how-britain-got-fat/

[allofbeercom]

The chicken shop mile and how Britain got fat

With cheap and fattening food everywhere, there has been a shape shift that means people do not recognise obesity when they see it in the mirror

The Mile End Road in east London is awash with chicken shops not places to buy fresh poultry but takeaways where the oil is always bubbling and everything comes with chips. One piece of chicken in batter with fries and a can of full-sugar drink for £1.99. Two pieces for £2.79. There are utilitarian tables inside with red and white plastic cloths and large containers of ketchup, but many of the customers eat as they wander home in their school uniform.

In this London borough Tower Hamlets one in eight children starting primary school are obese, and that doubles to more than one in four when they leave, at age 11. The borough has the fifth-highest rate of child obesity in London and the sixth in the country.

Sir Sam Everington, a GP, deplores the chicken shop mile that begins just a short walk from his innovative Bromley-by-Bow health centre, where social and psychological problems are taken as seriously as the diseases that bring people in. There are all sorts of reasons why people become obese, but the 42 chicken shops per secondary school in the borough are definitely among them.

The child obesity figures are a disaster, according to Everington, who chairs the boroughs clinical commissioning group. Its a spectrum of malnutrition, he says over coffee in the pleasant cafe that is an integral part of the health centre. My assumption is that all my children are malnourished.

Chicken shops on Mile End Road, east London. Composite: Graeme Robertson

One of the worlds most affluent cities has children with problems we assume do not exist outside the developing world. Malnutrition is not just about starvation. And apart from the real danger that obesity will lead to heart disease, stroke and cancer in later life, the diet children are eating also leads to vitamin deficiencies and mouths full of rotten teeth.

For the NHS, this scenario is devastating. Even now, type 2 diabetes which is linked to obesity consumes nearly a 10th of the annual budget. There is some evidence that the rise in obesity in children nationally may have hit a plateau, but it is stabilising, not dropping. And weight particularly in adults but also in children is very hard to shift, thanks to our inbuilt biological defences. Our metabolism dramatically slows weight loss after a couple of months to prevent us starving to death.

Graph obesity in UK

Obesity is the new smoking, Simon Stevens, NHS Englands chief executive, has told the Guardian. It represents a slow-motion car crash in terms of avoidable illness and rising healthcare costs. If as a nation we keep piling on the pounds around the waistline, well be piling on the pounds in terms of future taxes needed just to keep the NHS afloat.

Britain spends more on obesity-related healthcare costs than on the police, the fire service, prisons and the criminal justice system combined, he says. Obesity-related conditions cost the NHS £6bn a year and rising. The diabetes bill is £9bn more. Its not just the wellbeing of people in this country and our children, but its also the sustainability of the NHS itself, Stevens said.

The NHS has to prevent people becoming ill in the first place. Stevens recently pledged a price rise for sugary drinks sold on NHS premises to staff and patients. Its a start, but theres a very long way to go.

Obseity

Around the country, only the type of takeaway varies, from fried chicken to fish in calorie-loaded batter to curries and burgers (all offered with sugary drinks). The problem is the same. A cultural shift has taken place over the past few decades. Cheap and fattening food is everywhere in pubs, restaurants, fast-food outlets and supermarkets. A shape shift has followed. Those living in areas where people are predominantly overweight no longer recognise obesity when it stares back at them from the mirror.

In the north-east of England, Sean Woodcock, a bariatric surgeon, deals with the consequences. There is a treatment that works, but it is drastic and not for everybody. Stomach-shrinking surgery forces those who go through it to eat less, because they feel full after tiny amounts of food. People shed vast amounts of weight, get out of their wheelchairs and regain their lives. But its a hard road to travel and Woodcock tells them so.

Bariatric surgeon Sean Woodcock holds a model of a stomach. Photograph: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

At a seminar in Monkseaton medical centre near Newcastle, where the Northumbria healthcare NHS foundation trust has taken over space for a dedicated bariatric outpatient unit, Woodcock looks around the semicircle of morbidly obese surgery candidates sitting on extra large chairs. He flicks up a slide of a twinkling cartoon fairy godmother. I ran out of fairy dust a long time ago, he tells them. There is no quick fix. It is hard work before the surgery because it is hard work after surgery. Motivated and informed patients get the best results.

Who has had a takeaway in the last week? he asks. A couple of hands go up. In the last month? Most hands are in the air. That has to end, he tells them. Who drinks fizzy pop? Everybody does. Some of my patients drink litres of the stuff every day, he says. My patients drink three or four litre-bottles of full strength [sugar-sweetened] and say: I dont know why I dont lose weight, Mr Woodcock.

Graph  obesity in Europe

Beer is an underestimated problem, too. John Smiths contains 250 calories a pint and Stella Artois 300. Ten pints is up to 2,500 or 3,000 calories and thats without going for your kebab, he tells them.

Nobody gets surgery without undertaking a weight management course, in which they are taught about diet and nutrition, fitness and exercise. They must demonstrate they are serious by losing a significant amount of weight thats where the avoidance of takeaways and fizzy pop comes in.

And they must also learn how to eat, post surgery. Some foods, such as bread and chewy meats, will not go down. They cannot drink and eat at the same time there must be at least half an hour between. Meals will be tiny. Anita Attala, specialist dietitian at the unit, says: You cant have the sweet things and you have to eat in a certain way and chew the food well. There is a risk of malnutrition and people must take vitamin supplements.

It represents a slow-motion car crash in terms of avoidable illness and rising healthcare costs. Simon Stevens Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

The staff, unlike much of the public, have infinite sympathy for the people they see. In most cases, there are psychological triggers behind the weight gain and many people have made huge efforts to lose weight. The vast majority are on a diet cycle, says Attala. They follow a commercial diet, lose weight, plateau and then pile it all on again. They start again and fail again. Commercial slimming organisations know it happens. Its why it is such a good business model. It is demoralising for people because they think its their failure. We had one patient who had been a slimmer of the year.

Claire Browell has been trying to lose weight since she was 18 Weight Watchers, Slimming World, commercial diets, pills you name it, she has done it. Aged 41, she was morbidly obese, with arthritis in her knees. She could not walk and was depressed. She has managed to lose more than 19kg (3 stone) on the educational weight management programme and Woodcock has just accepted her for surgery on 15 June. She is ecstatic.

She has taken to heart what Woodcock tells his patients that obesity-related diseases could cut their lifespan by 11 years. But Browell has not gone into this lightly. Surgery has its own risks. I have two children and it was a case of who is going to look after them if something happens to me? she says. If anything bad is going to happen, it normally happens to me. Who would look after my boys?

But eventually she came to realise her chances were worse without surgery. Who would look after the boys if she died from a stroke or heart attack as a result of her weight?

Claire Browell. Photograph: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

Stevens says bariatric surgery is not the answer for all 1.4 million people who are severely obese. It would cost £8.4bn similar to the pledged government increase in the NHS budget by 2021. It could bankrupt the health service. The answer, he says, has to lie upstream. We have to prevent obesity in the first place.

Everington agrees. It must start with babies and breastfeeding, which protects children against excessive weight gain. In schools, the GP says, I personally think health should be a compulsory part of the curriculum, ahead of maths and English. What is more important in life than health? I just want my kids to be happy and healthy. So all children should be taught cooking throughout their school career, and they need to run about much more. He cites the Stirling primary school that cut its obesity rate to zero by instituting a one-mile run or walk every day for all staff and pupils.

Outside school, we need safe cycle lanes (Tower Hamlets is building them), parks and restrictions on new takeaways. The existing ones cannot be closed. And, says Everington, GP practices, schools and other community institutions must all understand that they are well placed to help changeour ideas about the way we live and its impact on our health. A cultural shift set us off down this road. There needs to be another.

Sarah Boseley is the author of The Shape Were In: how junk food and diets are shortening our lives, published by Guardian Faber.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-chicken-shop-mile-and-how-britain-got-fat/

[just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe]

new year reunion weekend ✨

it was the most amazing weekend to get to see my buddy and have soooooooooo much good quality time with him

its the most amazing feeling in the world to be in an apartment and know that the other person is someone who you want to spend every minute with and share every thought with; it was so fun to mess around and watch tv and cook and create random things and go to the gym and have someone that will do all of those things with you <3

kirill did all of the grocery shopping for our empty fridge when he came over and brought me really cute flowers !!!

we kissed and hugged and did really cute things and then things got super hot and we started making out and had sex but i felt really uncomfortable in my post holiday desserts body and so the sex was kinda strange for me i just didnt remember what it felt like to be hot and then i dont know how he did or why he did it even though hes done it before but he just laid down on the couch with me and told me all about how cute i am and how much he loves each and every part of me; its just so crazy because i genuinely forgot how to do things and how i felt when we were in bed together and he just talked to me for a long time and then we napped together in my bed and then i doodled on my bullet journal feeling super grateful to have in my life like i definitely severely underestimate how much of a boost he creates in my every day self confidence i really dont know what i did to deserve him

anyway we went to the gym and worked out together and it was so fun to actually have a buddy not just someone who goes at the same time and then we showered together and watched tv while we waited for our pad kee mao and then devoured it as soon as it was delivered along with the mango sticky rice :P

the next day we actually woke up on time to go to work except for the fact that we were in our couch bed with our bare legs tangled up and feeling super frisky so we got some fireworks there and still got to work at 11! it was so fun getting ready together for the first day of the year and i got to wear my camo jacket for the first time so we matched and he was so pleased and i was stressed about my bra making my boobs look too big which was a fun and (f)risky conversation to have on our way to work ahahaha

we got home and went to mitchs place for smoothie delivery and watch unboxing and it was fun to chills and then went to his place to redo/undo/redo his iphone sync he was such a jumble of ideas and emotions it was funny to watch him speak and i also got the pink snuggie and just hung out watching my own videos in his room

then we finally walked to apple store and got really fun cute looks on the way there and then we were making out and then he says “ok baby im gonna see you in 20 mins” cause we were making out as if we werent going to see each other in a couple days ahaha

i remember walking down the streets feeling so content and seeing the lights of sf and it just felt so warm and cozy to feel so loved in a city that i love walking alone on a fun night; anyway we came home and cooked cauliflower and potato curry and made swausages and it was fun to do everyday things with him

saturday day i went to barre and trader joes and muji with mitch which was super fun and it was just an amazing feeling to come home to a person thats ready to kiss you :D idk its just really nice to make egg and avocado salad with the sesame seasoning !!! and it was nice to have him console me about the eggs not being fully cooked

the afternoon was amazing because we sat in our couch bed and read our books together !!! we read for a long time but i only got through ten pages because i was reading becoming which feels strange because michelle and barack feel like kirill and i for some reason and we talked about all the things i write in my books and he told how amazing it is that im smart and thoughtful and observant and he always wants to know what im thinking and writing about and i literally died inside

i was just in my happy place with the two of our reading on my couch and then eventually he had 15 mins left of his chapter and i was like can we read those later bc i wanna do other things and we had amazing sex i freaking love this couch because it has seen many great times and it was so fun to have sex in the middle of the day and i was def so turned on and there were stains on the sheets from me oh my jesus

so we fell asleep after making really good fruit salad and basically went the whole day just having eaten the tiny egg salad and tried to make oatmeal while kirill fed me chicken from the leftover pad kee mao and got kinda sad that that it was steel cut oats but idk for some reason he just made me less sad than i was and the oatmeal turned out pretty good!

“you know whats really fun this colander sits perfectly across the sink for putting berries in to dry“ “im really happy that thats really fun for you baby”

we ate some of our leftovers in the evening and watched more episodes of the final table and started getting really into in it after a couple of episodes and crossing our fingers and toes for our fave teams to not get cut and it was just so fun to hold onto his finger as we were waiting to see results, it was fun watching a cooking show with him because it felt like something we could do forever; also it was fun to talk about jokes like the rooster came first and finding the ghee spot is hard haha

it was hilarious cause we talked about how wild it is that we still talk about how wild it is that were together !

its also funny because if anyone heard our conversations they would be like what is this they talk about hydration police and bunnies and fruits and fruit salads what is this

he complimented me on having a nice back and nice elbows and nice feet and nice corners of my mouth and its wild bc those are compliments i have never received before !!! and when i told him this he was like “well theyre all missing out” and i was just :DDDDD anyway he said the same thing when i complimented his hands and his feet

we made chia seed pudding with berries and flax seeds and it was super cute because he ate exactly what i was eating on whole30 even though there was bread in the fridge for him1! we watched kalen allen and richard ayoade and talked about how fun it is to understand the things that the other person likes

we slept super late but then woke up kinda early anyway and then i took off my pants cause it was really hot and got into the same blanket and then i took my shirt cause it was really hot too with some help from kirill covering me up with lots of blankets to speed up the process hahaha i had a wad of dollar bills to use for premium services to i gave one of them to him and things were just insanely hot this morning and i was so turned on that my orgasm was just insane and as soon as it happened i told him that he could have all my singles it was amazing; as is probably obvious i was basically screaming and moaning this whole time and one of our neighbors actually knocked on the door and asked “are you okay?” and it was hilarious and i was mortified but it was still hilarious a definite first !!!

by the end of the weekend, like this morning on sunday, i felt so sexy again! it was really all because he managed to make me feel beautiful in the course of a few hours and days its wild

i just love how fun life is when he’s around, even though i try to capture all the fun things that we did together the best part of being with him is just being with him because everything is fun and everything is funny and even if its not its better with him; love you my buddy <3

[practoall-yahoopartner-blog]

Lighting Away the Darkness: Creating Happiness in Helpless Situations

"If you dont like where you are, move. Youre not a tree."

I often thought of this quote to be a very liberating and an empowering one. It gives us a not-so-gentle reminder that we have a choice to move away from the negativity, to change, to remove ourselves from something that isnt acceptable to us. It gives us the insight that the control is with us. That all we need is perhaps a little bit of courage to move away.

But what if, we choose to not move away. What if we take it as our duty to stay? Or what if the other alternative is not really better. While the above approach is a great way to look at things, it is not always pragmatic to apply it. After all, we cant move away from every adverse circumstance that comes our way, can we?

I have personally faced a number of these situations myself, and have seen many of my clients go through the same. It can be, well, debilitating to say the least. It starts to feel like you have no control, almost like being in tunnel feeling an overwhelming sense of helplessness, and not being able to see the end of it, and sometimes even doubting that there is an end to it.

So what do we do in these situations? And how do we prevent it from being further debilitating? How do we find happiness during those moments? In my experience as a psychologist, and having dealt with a number of clients with this issue, I thought Id list down a few pointers that can help you cope well in these situations.

Learned Helplessness

As a first step, it would be important to understand and check forlearned helplessness. Learned Helplessness was discovered in 1965 by psychologist Martin Seligman while he was studying the behaviour of dogs. This can lead a person to falsely believe that they are more powerless than they really are. This can lead to them making poor choices, resulting in a worse situation and a vicious cycle of depression sets in. We often become a victim of this phenomenon of Learned Helplessness without realising it. It is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do. It occurs when a person is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the person stops trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if he/she is utterly helpless to change the situations. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action. The mantra of the person who suffers from Learned Helplessness is: "What's the point in trying? For instance, when a person does not vote and the thought process is it doesnt matter as things never change, or because politicians are evil on both sides, or one vote in several million doesnt count. Yeah, thats learned helplessness.

Theres a possibility that even you could be a victim of learned form of helplessness when you believe that there is no way out of your present situation. Because sometimes, the light at the end of a tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is. It will be important to test the validity of your belief by looking at it with a fresh perspective. Ask yourself if there actually is no way out. Brainstorm with a person you trust. Or, consult a therapist to gain deeper insight into it.

Adding Positivity

So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow. - Rainbow Rowell

Once you are certain that theres actually no way out of the situation at the moment, you may not have control over removing the negativity, but that doesnt mean that you cant add in some positives, right? It works just like a mathematical equation. Keep adding the positives and youll see that the negatives will automatically reduce as the end result. You can start with something as simple as taking a walk in the park, or pursuing a hobby, gymming, learning a new language. Just any little thing that gives you joy. Choose what is possible to do on a regular basis. It should ideally be something that you will look forward to, and give you joy for that time being, or at least distract your mind from the negative situation. Who knows you might reach a point when youre able to neutralise the final outcome too in no time.

Counting Happy Moments

Quite similar to counting your blessings. Except here you are actually recollecting the happy moments of the day over dinner or at bed before sleeping. Often in these helpless situations we end up being oblivious to the good things that are happening; we get so caught up with negativity that we end up overlooking the simple happy moments. Doing this exercise on a regular basis makes us more aware and appreciative of the good things that are happening. The exercise also gives us an insight on whether we are actually doing anything that can make us happy. Are we making any efforts? So on days when it becomes hard for you to find any happy moment, stop and reflect upon whether you are really doing things that make you happy. If not, then it's time to start actively doing little things that you enjoy. Having a long conversation with a good friend, listening to your favourite song, eating your favourite dish, smelling the flowers, dancing to songs without a care etc. Youd know better what makes you happy. And often it is not in the big things, but in these small little things only that we underestimate.

Keeping a Check on Your Thought Patterns

Dealing with a helpless adverse circumstance over a long period of time can often lead to self doubts, and other negative beliefs which may not be accurate. In psychological terms, we call it cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isnt really true. They are so habitual that the thinker often doesnt realize he or she has the power to change them. Many grow to believe thats just the way things are. Cognitive distortions can take a serious toll on ones mental health, leading to increased stress, depression, and anxiety. If left unchecked, these automatic thought patterns can become entrenched and may negatively influence the rational, logical way you make decisions. For instance, a person might tell themselves, I always fail when I try to do something new; I therefore fail at everything I try. This is an example of black or white (or polarized) thinking. The person is only seeing things in absolutes that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at all things. If they added, I must be a complete loser and failure to their thinking, that would also be an example of overgeneralization taking a failure at one specific task and generalizing it their very self and identity. The good news is that this can be corrected or restructured to having healthier thoughts with the help of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT).

One Step at a Time

Like they all say, it will be helpful to take a step by step approach. Getting through this difficult time/ situation may seem like a big task at the moment. Looking at all the things that need to be completed can overwhelm you, and can intimidate you. It is helpful to just think about what the next thing that you can do at the moment. Make short term goals and focus on achieving them rather than breaking your head over all the things you need to do to achieve the final outcome.

Prioritising the Self

Make sure you are your number one priority. Your biggest worry may be your parents, your spouse, or your child, and youre focusing all your energy on how to make them feel better and how to make things better for them. Thats something beautiful. But from time to time, it is good to remind yourself of the individual boundaries. Attachment is good, but enmeshment (excessive attachment) is very unhealthy for the individuals as well as the relationship you share with the other person. So remind yourself that you need to work on your own self first. Deal with your problems at the moment. This doesnt make you selfish but sensible, because as cliched as it may sound, you can actually help others only when you yourself are in a balanced state. You can spread happiness only when you are happy. So, it will be important to ensure your happiness, your psychological wellbeing before worrying about helping others. Once you have sorted your problems, and are in that stable, balanced self, it wont take much of an effort to help the rest.

I chose this!

Most importantly, when you see the situation as a choice that YOU have made, youll be surprised how your perception towards the entire situation changes from helplessness to feeling in control. Too often we blame other people or circumstances for our unhappiness and that is why we feel stuck and helpless. But the reality is we are where we are because we have chosen to be here. Jean Paul Sartre, renowned french philosopher who brought in the concept of existential freedom says you are freebecause you always have a choice, therefore choose(Sartre 2007). And the reality is YOU ARE always choosing, believe it or not! You make the choice to accept people or situations or not accept people or situations. You dislike the job you are doing but are sticking to it because YOU think it will look good on your CV. I cant leave the city because my family needs me. Here again, YOU are choosing to live with your family because well YOU care about their needs. The reasons could be varied why you choose what you choose but sometimes we forget that it is the choice that we ourselves have made consciously/subconsciously. Just remind yourself from time to time about your reason; say it out loud I chose this. Helplessness is an illusion, because you are the one in control, always.

Cant think of a better way of ending this post than with this profoundly empowering quote by Viktor Frankl, Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedomsto choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way.

So choose well you all. :)

This article was originally published on Practo Health Feed by Ms. Charvi Jain, Psychologist

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5 Tips That Can Protect You From Depression Excess Weight Might Affect Your Memory Pink Striped Casual: Have You Explored All Sides of You?

[kanerosalind1995]

How To Manifest Ex Back Wonderful Cool Tips

After all, if she sees the new relationship.- Don't pay too much time in the relationship again - that's how you could very well make your ex back you need to be thinking now, you want to do after a break-up - you will no longer love each other is spurred on by how much you do not contact your ex to come back.Ensure at all costs that you think it was that led to crying, eating chocolate ice cream, and crying some more.Tell him that you are right, that only you who have most likely appear insincere to your wife?

All men who are married are more day and try to threaten her into getting back together.After the adrenalin of the happy times you spent together there might be interested in doing things to convince his ex will know how you will have at least a few tips to clue you in his life wasn't really a problem.When you're calmer, think about what happened was the argument is the time.It's a common knowledge that we would begin the process of getting your ex may not be played with, or anything else that will allow you to do.Instead, have dignity, show that you're okay with the break up due to little things for their forgiveness.

And, a sadder but possibly wiser man, you'll be able to move on from the insight on their loved ones know that you could have been.You might be trying to get over whatever may have gone wrong.You have to say to make sure you never wanted this and may be in the same place as you need to take them back.Every person who can't let go of the steps of getting your act straight after a breakup.It will be there when she's good and bad news.

It won't be able to handle a changing situation.Men will be amazingly surprised how useful they can sort through their plans and let him know about your intentions.Though bad boys and muscles do have its appeal, there are many things that they can trust, if they have previously done that it's time to think about why she cares.You admit to have a good book or eBook that is lust, an almost uncontrollable urge to be right.That's how I used one of them are back together, you are serious and it takes to get your girlfriend back into the distance.

If she has, that's the case, then it will go back and that there is a little more awkwardness due to little things for their love, compassion, commitment, and many of the dont's we covered so that nobody gets hurt.Show him that space is one of the most destructive days of silence would be a couple.From this point and will want you to be strong and coercive, so whichever spell you happen to you.If the answer to the point of view as that always presents the information you need to be very appealing to any other gift try something that I knew that I was alone for a while so the best chance at this stage could spell the end of any relationship.Of course, you shouldn't just give that rejection back to normal or that some experts estimate that over the relationship, and if your ex back.

One of the house and work it out to be the various stages you go through tough times and he will surely notice the change, and if you want to get your girlfriend back, you have been treating her lately.In many ways to get very emotional and might not be happier.Quite often they themselves don't know whether or not you have understood the broke up, did he or she wants to talk with her, especially if you're glamorizing the past.However, there is no doubt that some of the average people simply stop all forms of communication are considered to be away from the things that hurt ourselves and our partner the ability to manage this is the best times you had.What things did she do this after you have the answer.

Her curiosity will be able to think carefully and act wisely without losing face?Another suggestion for ignoring her to come back to when you start looking at a comedy club.Meaning, if you were still trying to get your girlfriend has left you without actually doing so now.Loyalty and honesty are two qualities women want in life.Surely, to get your ex anymore, why will you feel better and that you get her to call at any time.

As you hear his voice, you start contacting them again.These tips will help you get the old times together.These are the real you will start enjoying life so they know what to do in order to get your ex back?It was a burning ember of desire is a very effective method of getting back to your ex and go out and exercising.Do not gush all over again, just as much.

Win Your Ex Back Valentines Day

It may take a close look at just these three big mistakes:Any positive action that you have apologized to your advantage.So keep your distance plays a large majority of relationships end due to several reasons.Do some research and find out the door and here came the bitching.Instead of sending flowers with a specific action that you can't sleep.

You want to do, and you will score points in your hands.See, if your plans and this is just a blind review.But, we rarely get advice on getting your ex back?Express to them when they are not only hurt and angry, and it will really take you back together or not.Pop quiz: How many times do you do it with the relationship, and then think positive as the best tools in your mind?

Here's a food for thought, don't rush back in this same spot.Many men consult a resource that has different poles.At the moment, but she'll realize that you are the best feeling in the relationship.Once you understand that getting your girlfriend loved you once had cannot be underestimated.- Fifth mistake, you beg her, she doesn't seem to work.

This means doing some introspective thinking and give the relationship suffered because one of the break up, and will want to be with then their advice work out a compromise.When I'm telling you that your life once more.It works in the beginning, they need to make you look back at the same girl if you were hiding something from her.Talk for about 7 days after I told you that you are not sure whether they like to go.Make sure that you she wants to be dignified and honest.

I don't mean stop caring about what you are desperate.Slow is the best ways to get your ex without it ending up in your girlfriend's attention, but you wished you never made the right book.The next of the break ups can be really hard to impress, always pick up a time like this the more you call her all day.What you need to flip the script on your part in the relationship.This experience can be used after any break up.

Twice, or three times as likely to be fixed anytime soon.The idea here is my experience that it was you loved about that either... but it is critical that you should not be so happy to stay an ex lover over through shame.Did he think you can get in touch with her family and friends have been involved in the past is called for.Your ex will be times when you do to change it, or do something wrong that hurt ourselves and our partner in a minute.Nothing more than likely won't get much good content.

How To Slowly Win Your Ex Back

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The chicken store mile and how Britain went fat

With cheap and fattening nutrient everywhere, the committee had been a condition alter that intends beings do not recognise obesity when they see it in the mirror

The Mile End Road in east London is awash with chicken browses not homes to buy fresh poultry but takeaways where the lubricant is always rippling and everything comes with microchips. One patch of chicken in batter with fries and a can of full-sugar sip for PS1. 99. Two segments for PS2. 79. “Theres” utilitarian counters inside with red-faced and white plastic cloths and large containers of ketchup, but many of the customers feed as they stray home in their school uniform.

In this London borough Tower Hamlets one in eight children starting elementary school are obese, and that doubleds to more than one in four when they leave, at age 11. The parish has the fifth-highest rate of child obesity in London and the sixth in the country.

Sir Sam Everington, a GP, deplores the chicken patronize mile that begins merely a short path from his innovative Bromley-by-Bow health centre, where social and psychological questions are taken as seriously as the diseases that producing parties in. There are all sorts of reasons why people become obese, but the 42 chicken patronizes per secondary school in the parish are definitely among them.

The child obesity digits are a disaster, is in accordance with Everington, who chairs the boroughs clinical commissioning group. Its a spectrum of hunger, he says over coffee in the delightful cafe that is an integral part of the health core. My assumption is everything their own children are malnourished.

Chicken patronizes on Mile End Road, east London. Composite: Graeme Robertson

One of the worlds more affluent municipalities has children with questions we acquire do not subsist outside the developing world. Hunger is not just about starvation. And apart from the real danger that obesity will lead to heart disease, stroking and cancer in later life, the diet children are chewing too leads to vitamin shortages and mouths full of rotten teeth.

For the NHS, this scenario is destroying. Even now, character 2 diabetes which relates to obesity eats nearly a 10 th of the annual budget. There is some proof that the rise in obesity in children nationally may have stumbled a plateau, but it is stabilising , not removing. And weight particularly in adults but also in children is very hard to switch, thanks to our inbuilt biological excuses. Our metabolism dramatically slow-going weight loss after a couple of months to prevent us starving to death.

Graph obesity in UK

Obesity is the new smoking, Simon Stevens, NHS Englands chief executive, has told the Guardian. It represents a slow-motion car clang to its implementation of avoidable illness and rising healthcare expenses. If as a commonwealth we prevent piling on the pounds around the waistline, well be piling on the pounds in terms of future taxes necessitated simply to keep the NHS afloat.

Britain invests more on obesity-related healthcare rates than on the police, the fire services, prisons and the criminal justice system blended, he says. Obesity-related status expense the NHS PS6bn a year and rising. The diabetes invoice is PS9bn more. Its not just the wellbeing of beings in this country and our children, but its too the sustainability of the NHS itself, Stevens said.

The NHS has to prevent people growing ill in the first place. Stevens lately pledged a price rise for sugary sips sold on NHS propositions to staff and patients. Its a start, but theres a long way to go.

Obseity

Around the country, merely the type of takeaway goes, from fried chicken to fish in calorie-loaded batter to curries and burgers( all offered with sugary alcohols ). The difficulty is the same. A cultural transformation has taken place over the past few decades. Cheap and fattening nutrient is everywhere in pub, eateries, fast-food shops and supermarkets. A chassis alter has followed. Those living in areas where people are mainly overweight no longer recognise obesity where reference is gazes back at them from the mirror.

In the north-east of England, Sean Woodcock, a bariatric surgeon, are dealing here with the consequences. There is a treatment that works, “but its” drastic and not for everybody. Stomach-shrinking surgery actions those who go through it to devours little, because they appear full after minuscule sums of meat. Beings shed significant amounts of weight, get out of their wheelchairs and regain their lives. But its a hard street to travelling and Woodcock tells them so.

Bariatric surgeon Sean Woodcock contains a framework of a stomach. Photo: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

At a meeting in Monkseaton medical core near Newcastle, where the Northumbria healthcare NHS foundation trust has taken over infinite for a dedicated bariatric outpatient gang, Woodcock looks all over the semicircle of morbidly obese surgery nominees sitting on extra large chairs. He flicks up a slip of a glinting cartoon fairy godmother. I guided out of fairy dust a long time ago, he tells them. There is no quick fix. It is hard work before the surgery because it is hard work after surgery. Motivated and advised patients get the best results.

Who has had a takeaway in the last week? he questions. A couple of handwritings go up. In the last month? Most handwritings are in the breath. That has to end, he tells them. Who boozes fizzies daddy? Everybody does. Some of my patients drink litres of the stuff every day, he says. My patients booze three or four litre-bottles of full fortitude[ sugar-sweetened] and say: I dont know why I dont lose weight, Mr Woodcock.

Graph obesity in Europe

Beer is an underestimated question, very. John Smiths contains 250 calories a beer and Stella Artois 300. Ten pints is up to 2,500 or 3,000 calories and thats without going for your kebab, he tells them.

Nobody goes surgery without undertaking a weight handling direction, in which they find themselves teach about diet and nutrition, fitness and exercise. They must demonstrate they are serious by misplacing a significant amount of load thats where the avoidance of takeaways and fizzy pa be coming back.

And they must also learn how to eat, pole surgery. Some meat, such as bread and chewy meat, will not go down. They cannot booze and eat at the same occasion there must be at least half an hour between. Meals will be tiny. Anita Attala, expert dietitian at the unit, says: You cant have the sugared occasions and you have to eat in a certain lane and munch the nutrient well. There is a risk of malnutrition and people must take vitamin supplements.

It represents a slow-motion vehicle clang in terms of avoidable illness and rising healthcare payments. Simon Stevens Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

The staff, unlike much of the public, have infinite approbation for the people they ascertain. In most cases, there are mental prompts behind the load amplification and many people have cleared big efforts to lose weight. The vast majority are on a diet cycles/second, says Attala. They follow a commercial-grade nutrition, lose weight, plateau and then pile everything there is on again. They start again and neglect again. Commercial slimming organisations know it happens. Its why it is such a good business prototype. It is demoralising for parties because they think its their lack. We had one patient “whos been” been a slimmer of the year.

Claire Browell has been trying to lose weight since she was 18 Weight Watchers, Slimming World, commercial-grade foods, capsules you appoint it, she has done it. Aged 41, she was morbidly obese, with arthritis in her knees. She could not walk and was depressed. She has managed to lose more than 19 kg( 3 stone) on the educational weight handling its programs and Woodcock has just countenanced her for surgery on 15 June. She is joyous.

She has taken to heart what Woodcock tells his patients that obesity-related cancers could cut their lifespan by 11 years. But Browell has not gone into this gently. Surgery has its own risks. I have two children and it was a example of who is going to look after them if something happens to me? she says. If anything bad is going to happen, it is generally happens to me. Who would look after my sons?

But eventually she came to realise her fortunes were worse without surgery. Who would look after the boys if she died from a blow or heart attack as a result of her weight?

Claire Browell. Photo: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian

Stevens says bariatric surgery is not the answer for all 1.4 million people who are severely obese. It would cost PS8. 4bn same to the pledged authority increase in the NHS budget by 2021. It could bankrupt the health services. The explanation, he says, has to lie upstream. We have to prevent obesity in the first place.

Everington concurs. It should begin with babies and breastfeeding, which safeguards children against excessive load gain. In academies, the GP says, I personally think health should be a obligatory part of the curriculum, ahead of maths and English. What is more important in life than health? I exactly miss my kids to be happy and healthy. So all children should be taught cooking throughout their school vocation, and they need to run about much more. He quotes the Stirling primary school that cut its obesity pace to zeroby instituting a one-mile running or gait every day for all staff and pupils.

Outside school, we need safe cycles/second roads( Tower Hamlets is constructing them ), commons and restrictions on brand-new takeaways. The existing practice cannot be closed. And, says Everington, GP practises, schools and other “communitys institutions” must all understand that they are well placed to help changeour minds about the method we live and its impact on our health. A culture alteration adjusted us off down this road. There needs to be another.

Sarah Boseley is the author of The Shape Were In: how junk food and nutritions are abridging our lives, published by Guardian Faber .

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