#i dont know im jus
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I just cannot escape the yearning to die
Its almost been a decade and if I think about it it still brings my mental space into the molten core of the earth
I'm just so tired of being depressed im not depressed like I used to be, though, it just gets duller because I'm so damn used to it unless i let myself think about how much I don't want to be alive
Bleh. Ive said it for years and still true, if I could find 18 year old me id tell him to do the attempt better, rather than anything about how life is worth it. It's been eight years and honestly it only got worse. Was supposed to have done it when I was 14 probably, and never bothered anyone.
Hate being such a stereotypical zoomer freak about my own existence though.
#delete later#obviously#i dont know im jus#just tired of being tired of being alive#i dont even have horrible spiraling episodes anymore#i just dont have anything#almost miss crying and loathing what little i had and being so mad that the only feeling i had was despair and the strange hopelessness of#iunno loneliness in a communal sense too even#friends who kept me alive for years who we stopped really being in touch after covid#theyre all humans. doing good. and im glad#but im. actually worse than when they had to talk me down every three weekss#like im arguably worse#i was once very mad at one of them for getting me to promise to live until that next easter#after he spent a damn few hours trying to keep me going and vibing#so much effort from much better people just to have me waste years more oxygen
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bugs under a rock
(print)
#bruhhh i dont even know#im jus t a girl having fun tbh#morty smith#jerry smith#rick sanchez#beth smith#summer smith#rick and morty#rick and morty fanart#rnm fanart#fanart#art#my art#rnm
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me and @7roaches on aggie
click on for better quality!
reblogs > likes
#my art#mimi moo#utmv#fresh sans#nightmare sans#< our sonas technically but his is more unique n im jus straight up fresh lol#i love making fresh creepy n uncanny none of u hoes ever know what to do wit him#dont tag as nm x fresh ill slaughter you
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yall i have a confession to make….i fucking hate slowburn.
#THERE I SAID IT#IM SORRY#I just cant like when it gets too long atp MOVE ON WIT IT#like i get wanting to take ur time i guess#but wtf do you mean yall are makin out every chap#holding hands#youve met the ENTIRE FAMILY#AND yall said i love you#and somehow you still dont know what this feeling is/what you are ??? please.#cus like atp yall jus draggin it#i could talk about my hate for this trope for hours#i have another one i hate but i fear i would be burned at the stake for it so#im keepin that to myself😭#cash confesses#cash is sorry (no she aint)#cash speaks <3#cash rants#cash rambles !#cash is about to ramble
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Perfect Family (2024), episode 11
#perfect family#perfect family kbs#kdrama#kdramaedit#kdramasource#kdramaspace#kdramadaily#park ju hyun#yoon se ah#kim byung chul#my post#*m.gif#looked into the comments on asianwiki.......... im sorry you guys dont know how to have fun. i for one immensely enjoyed this drama#(up to the time jump. sorry. those last 40 mins were so boring to me)#loooved the shots of them in the burned house. fu.cked up!
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recent art
#lies about art#the falses of abyss#okat i mputting this begind a lot of things i#i dont know if i want this to be noticed. but i certainly dont want rhis to be shared#tjis is the on;y social media shedoesnt chec k so this is my only place#im not safe#i dont know how much i can handle#i should jus tell up on her but she threatened me#i dont know what she can do to me if i do it#im scared#i feel lost#i just wanted to help her#i dont understand#im afraid to talk to anyone now#i treid to talk to my friends abotu it but now im scared#what if she sees it. she controls me#she can hurt me she already did#i cant call the police#i cant tell my family#im a coward#i just wanted to hel p#i need to work on everything#i need to finish the commissions#maybe then i can open mroe and i can do something#maybe she needs a little mroe help#i know she doesnt do that on purpose#or i want t o think so#i dont knwo i mso lost#it seems less likely day by day ic ant#ijust wwnate dto he lp
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Lesbianism.
Tryna decide if i should do they typical 'gepard is socially inept and doesnt realize his sister and nat are vibing' or like. Not doing that. Which tbh ill probably Not do that entirely bc the 'autistic guy is oblivious to everything around him in other peoples lives' type character is tired to me
#i think im goin more w like..... gep can See serval and nat got smthin goin on but if They dont talk bout it he wont talk bout#in the bones#so maybe hes more like. ppl think hes oblivious so serval will be like 'gep me n nat are dating' n hes jus like 'oh yeah i know.'#'what why havent u said anything' what am i sposed to say i mean u guys never brought it up. was i sposed to??
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WWWOOOPS FORGOT I MADE THIS. drew this back at around when the hyperbolic time chamber training arc was just starting. remember that? huh? remember the hamspter??? ohhhhhhhh youll remember the haspter!!!! oh my god yknow what else i remember. williams overwhelming love for christmas. oh my god. spooky zombie boy loves the christmas.. literally the best possible thing for him...
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#VYNCENT SSOOOOOLLLL I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO DRAW YOUUUUU AND YKNIOW WHY?? YKNOW WHYYY???? BC WHEN I FIRST DREW EVERYONE:#I DIDNT LOOK AT ANY REFS. DREW EM STRAIGHT FROM OFF THE TOP O MY HEAD. AND WELL. IN MY HEAD SOMETIMES#I PICTURE THE CHARACTERS LOOKING SIMILAR TO THE PLAYERS IN SOME WAY. NOT THE BEST THING TO DO REALLY. BUT YOU SEE.#VYNCENT CAME OFF AS A VERY SOFT AND SWEET CHARACTER. BUT SEEMED TO CARRY ALOT OF STRENGTH. HES LIKE A BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL BULL TO ME.#SO I DRAW THE GUY REAL DENSE! BUT THEN YAKNOOOWW THE OFFICIAL ART CROSSES MY EYES N IM LIKE FFFYUUUUUCKKK HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT!!!!!!#IM LIKE AAUGUHGH IM DRAWIN HIM WRONG!!! BUT THEN IM ALSO CRAAAZY STUBBORN N I AAALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS DESIGN FOR HIM AND I DONT WANNT#I DONT WANNA GO N JUS CHANGE IT AAAALL UP NOW!!CMAHHHNNN BUT I STILL GOTTA DO SOOOMETHIN!!#LEST HE BECOMES SO FAR REMOVED FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL HE FAILS TO BE RECOGNIZED!! ANYONE ELSE GO THRU THIS? GIMME UR TIPS#anyway AHH THE DEMON THAT DESPISES ART FROM MONTHS AGO!! just means im improving so so fastly and cool-like. tbh im so proud o my recents#bUT HEY THOUGH I FIGURED OUT THE QUEUEUE THING AHAHAH NOW I CAN GET ALL MY THOUGHTS N DRAWINS OUT IN A DAAAYYYY#CONSISTENT POSTING FOR A MONTH HERE I COME. DAILY UPLOADS FOR A WEEK. YEAAHH BABY!!! PREPARE FOR SHOTGGUN BLASDT!!!!!!#ALRIGHT ALright one more thing before i go im. SO IN LOVE WITH MY SHAPES HONESLY... they are not just one shape but so so many put together#fucked up innit??? im seeing soo many problems in this piece though but i rest easy knowing i captured my feelings in the moment.
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i always get nervous posting my art bc i feel like i draw him Different than how other ppl do but i guess that is a good thing kinda. peace and love. god bless🙏
#im in love with him btw. in case anyone didnt know#licorice cookie#cookie run#my art#i have more art but ^^ i stay silly#idk i feel weird posting my stuff online nowadays even though i literally need to if i wanna get a job making art😭#i used to post it all the time but being in a Fandom and feeling insecure abt the kinda different way i see media made me so sad and angry#im a lot better now but its... *sigh* yea guys it actually does help to interact with your friends irl and stay off of social media sorry#anyways omg i have so many ideas and stuff for my oc and licorie but i dont wanna be cringey!!!!!! i feel like nobody cares so i jus keep#it to myself but if anyone wants to see stuff i wouldnt mind it if u told me sumhow..
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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weep woop random doodles cuz im bored
random doodles and sketches from today :3
caelus looks nothing like caelus but we deal with it
also keiji because man i love himge,,, hes a dude,,,, ALSO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE PLUSHIE I WANT IT SO BAD PLEASE GO FUND IT
tshirt design credit in the last pic goes to nyamofe :D
#oh how i wish my keiji art will one day be seen by daiji#keiji is jus a lil dude and i want to him be noticed by THE daily keiji#i love keiji hes just a dude#silly little man i love him#also i love that i keep saying im not sleep deprived and then when i draw myself i make it look like i dont even know what a bed is#honkai star rail#caelus#oc#doodle#yttd#keiji shinogi
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I need to find an art website to post my stuff on and keep it separate from this blog cuz too many ppl I know irl know I have a tumblr its gittin scary in here ............
#even if they have no way to find my tumblr#jus how it is being closeted. u think about it#pls recommend ones 2 me if u know any btw#i know of cara (??) but not many others#NOT deviantart or instagram or twitter i am talking strictly anti AI policy websites#deviantart used to be like a brother to me. it truly went down the shitter#ok im done yapping. michelle if you see the he/him in my bio just dont worry about that ok you keep that to yourself.#keysmash
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oc brainrot oc brainrot (original, twd!ttrpg ocs)
#my art#artists on tumblr#art#digital art#artist#character artist#original character#original art#my ocs#zombie ttrpg#they mean so much to me#rio is jus so. SCREAMS#bennys age is smtg a lil confusing to even me skdhksj but hes rios brother#benny in my head is just such. a complicated guy. like. INDUNNOOO im just spiraling abt them n their siblinghood#if ur in this game w me n ur not sam uhhh. hi. im sane j#ur chars would not know anything about benny other than his name lol#i dunno if he'll show up but ooooo#i dont know how to put it into words they just mean. so much to me#sorry for original art!
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I'll just put this here
#to be FAIR it was gift money n fun money n the comms im waiting on were v spaced out but i still feel dumb#like if i talk about 'o I have 4 comms I'm waiting on' i feel like 'oh god im gonna get judged#bc i have anxiety u see#also tho the comms im getting are Partially to compare product quality so I know for future Gifts For Others where to go#bc i gotta find the right price/quality/timeframe ratio#esp. timeframe bc i dont wanna order somethin for someone's bday n it takes like. A Year. and/or the artist jus Dissappears#becca whines
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Thank u brave soldiers in the oneyplays community for calling out sum of the crazy shit going on in oneyredacted. Lets try to SAVE these people 🙏🙏 praise the Lord
#maybe this will incite some guilt into these people's tortured souls idk#“its a fantasy!!” hey man we dont have to post everything. hey man? its not normal. bottom line#liking PISS is abnormal. wanting to overpower a real man without his consent is PSYCHOTIC#And you are fucking stupid as hell#say u dgaf all u want u little freaks i know it eats u up inside. i know ur mind is so tormented by ur own sick thoughts and its eating u up#i know it u know it but ur so delusioned u dont wanna admit it. jus wait. jus waitttt bro#im praying for ur recovery??? like please go do smthn else man get ts out of ur dome. u got potential maybe. for Something
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Cuz why tf do i have to do literally everything on my own without an ounce of any freaking help
#being independent is all fun n games#until you realize how freaking exhausting it is#explain to me how i as a college student#am supposed to come up with money#for a new car#& to move out#while also paying for my bills#putting gas in my death trap of a vehicle#as well as other things#WITH NO HELP#like fucc dude can i get a break#or like idk 2% of help#like what am i supposed to do here#i ask for help & nobody seems to freaking care#& i know the worlds not gonna stop spinning jus bc i want it to#but i rly dont think im asking for a lot here#like do i have to get into a rly bad accident#for anyone to take my car shit seriously?#i wanna ask for help but why ask when ive asked#a million other times#and it feels like ive received nothing#i know my feelings are not always the true reality#& i know people care#but fucc dude.#how many times do i have to complain about the same fucking thing before anything changes#why must i do EVERYTHING on my freaking own#& everyone else has parents or some form of fucking help.
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