#i dont know how many more it is what it is i have left

[livroni]

I hold them as close to me as possible. I knew this had to come eventually, but did it have to be so damn soon? How am I supposed to tell them that everyone they know will come to pass long before they even mature? How am I supposed to tell them that I wont be by there side every step of the way. I hold them closer still.

We stay like that for what feels like hours. I dont think either of us want to let go, as if doing so the other will fade out of reality like a dream.

Dreams. I always dreamed of being a parent. I always dreamed to teach a little creature to walk, to talk, to learn to experience the joys and hold their hand through the pains. But. I cant do that, can I? I take a deep breath, Sorting out emotion and logic, rational. My child needs a parent right now. They need that hand to guide them through the uncertainty so they can learn to pass the brambles on their own.

“I love you. I will always love you. Beyond this plane and further, even the gods know my love for you.“

“If you love me so, how could you leave me alone?” She looked up at me. Those wide, wide icy gray eyes. How I remember them peering the world with wild curiosity, the way they lit up when i taught them how to eat Honeysuckles, the way they shone when reading of myths and monsters, the way they focused when helping another being. Now? They looked to me with longing.

“My child, I have many more years left with you. And yes, you will have to walk this path alone one day. It is just the way the world works.”

“Thats stupid.”

“It is. It is very stupid. But nothing physical lives forever. You will die one day too.” I pause, and hope the words resonate with them. Im so terrified to put more fear into her gentle heart. They are quite delicate, children. Bluntness is required, but painful. And I would never lie to them.

“But even then, my love for you for you transcends the planes. Including the planes which separate life and death. While I may very well die one day, my love for you wont. My hand will always be in yours, my child. I will always, always be there for you.”

She sobs again, but its not as pained before. We cry together a bit more. I sing them a lullaby (their favourite). And my child, my sweet strong gentle loving child, falls asleep. Tomorrow will be a day full of fun and joy, I promise them that.

You're a single human parent of a Elf child, today has you ready yourself for bed you hear them burst open the door with tears in their eye as they jump into bed with you and hold onto you tight, has you comfort them you hear them say through their whimpering and sobs "i don't want you to die".

[ashyjingles]

jason grace headcanons

as requested by @sacrifical-lamb-core

ive been known to enjoy some more feral leaning jason grace but this is more of an authoritative take on his personality if you will. feel free to add to or dispute anything i have here!! this is all kind of a jumbled mess of first-come-first-serve deal in my head and i have yet to go through and weed any out

he has problems with authority. not outwardly; in fact, to everyone else, he’s the picture perfect kid who follows all of the rules. but that’s because he’s terrified of what would happen if he stepped out of line. he grew up with lupa, who was incredibly harsh to ensure survival in her pups. and then when he got to the legion, all of the officers were required to uphold the law. jason saw what happened to people who stepped the line, and the results were never pretty. (in son of neptune they mentione tying someone in a bag with weasels and throwing them in the little tiber for fuck’s sake) he grew scared to even TOE the line. 

because of the previous hc, he’s scared of kids. he knows how rambunctious they get, and he knows that if it came down to it, he would have to punish them and follow through on it by necessity. its what all his predecessors did after all. but he doesn't want to harm them. hes always had that soft spot for the new and/or younger kids. so he’s not scared of kids themselves, he’s scared of being the one to give them consequences to their potential actions. he leaves that to someone else with more guts

the previous two leave him with a lot of cognitive dissonance that he never really gets over. he’s an incredibly empathetic person and no matter how much he tries he can never really stop that feeling of regret when he has to punish someone who clearly regrets their actions. but give them an inch and they'll take a mile. he has major problems with dissociation where he removes his sense of self from the scenario and lets his logical processing take over without any emotion. reyna has had to pull him back from it a few too many times.

between the dissociation, magical amnesia, adhd, and constant brain damage, that boy has one of the worst memories youve ever seen

he really likes steak. specifically rare steak. (wolf!jason truther…)

he can see electrical currents! and can. see? wind currents. its more of a knowing the wind currents are there without thinking about them rather than a visual thing though. its how despite his poor eyesight he was an excellent fighter before he got the glasses

jason has really sharp canines! so does thalia! they get it from their mom, who filed her own canines down for a softer appearance and would have done the same to her kids once they were old enough for that type of dental work. 

jason is left handed, but because of military-style training early on it was forcibly trained out of him either because nobody realized he was left-handed or because they looked down on left-handedness for the sake of unanimity in the formations on the field. he just thinks hes naturally ambidextrous

gay. mlm. boy kisser for certain that man does NOT like girls. he treated reyna and piper the exact same despite one of them being his girlfriend (and treated reyna in a way where she thought he might have liked her back) because he treats them both in accordance to his emotions toward them: ie, he likes both platonically, which is why theres no difference. he just cant tell.

he fucking LOVES mint. says brushing his teeth and chugging a cold glass of water makes his mouth feel like being up in the air and 15 thousand feet with the wind in face.

he’s half asian! beryl grace is asian (i usually go with either thai or vietnamese) and usually i just went with wasian but then the show came out and now i go with blasian. or maybe beryl grace is wasian? whatever the case, i always pictured him and thalia as having some sort of asian descent.

hes really good at archery. dont tell anyone its just him controlling the winds though

hes such a dog person oh my god

his eyes light up like circuits/lightning when he uses his powers. specifically his lightning powers. 

jason doesnt have dyslexia but he does have dyscalculia. like, really bad dyscalculia. but he still greatly prefers reading in latin!

jason hated reading for the longest time because they didnt have any books purely for enjoyment on base. in new rome itself they had bookstores with plenty of books. (they were mostly classics because they didnt have too much contact with the rest of the world, but they were more than just military reports or old historic scrolls you needed express permission to even breath on) but when he discovers newer books he finds himself really liking them! though his favourite genre is definitely classics, and when someone breaks the news to him that he couldve had these books the entire time hes devastated

when he was younger he was better at latin than english because most kids who arrive at camp jupiter know english already and theyre well equipped at teaching people latin, but not english. they had to send him to a school off base/in new rome for younger kids to learn some more rudimentary skills

it was under juno’s orders that he lived on base. she wanted him to be as prepared as possible for his future, which meant starting his training bright and early. otherwise he probably would have spent some time in camp jupiter as a normal kid until he could at least, oh i dunno, read and write. tie his shoes. eat with cutlery. take a bath by himself.

if jason had been there long enough without the swap ever happening, when he stepped down from praetor (not for another longggg few years) he would have done law in new rome. 

if post swap jason grace had the opportunity to do law in new rome, he would have pushed for rules regarding kids safety. of course, if another jason case were to happen nobody would have been able to deny a god(dess) but jason was never a normal case, was he?

can you tell i like lawyer!jason

less of a headcanon more of commentary on his character but as strong of a character as he was, camp half blood taught him how to have a back bone. in rome he was incredibly disciplined and had no trouble ordering other people around, but it was always in accordance with new rome’s laws. camp half blood taught him how to abide by his own moral principles rather than ones that someone else gave to him. (after all, new rome was about unity while chb was about individuality.) 

he honestly really likes his work as pontifex maximus. it fulfills his inner desire to be doing the ‘right’ thing by rome’s standards (especially because the title is highly revered) while giving him the room to express his creative desires, which is something that he had never been able to do. its also not at the cost of someone else, which usually ended up happening when he was upholding the law as praetor

this one works in contrast or in tandem with my previous bullet on his sexuality (specifically the comment on how he treated piper and reyna): he knew that reyna had a crush on him. he didnt know why he couldnt feel the same. queer culture wasnt really a thing in the modern world for the time it took place, and i dont imagine new rome was any more progressive. he didnt understand lots of things about his sexuality at the time. he didnt know that not liking girls might have been an option, and that he didnt have to like reyna back. so he tried his best to convince himself into having feelings for her, which led to reyna thinking they were reciprocated. once he met piper, that confusion happened all over again and even without his memories he found himself repeating the process

his favourite is blue like the sky, and ironically his and thalia’s eyes

thalias eyes are slightly darker than jason’s. more grey as well. jason’s are the brightest fucking blue youve ever seen. think the clearest, sunniest day youve ever seen, and it still doesnt hold a candle to his eyes. thalias are more like the sky before a storm.

jason can feel (along with see as given by previous bullet) electrical currents. he could feel someone switching a light switch from half a mile away if he thought about it

hes constantly brimming with static electricity and WILL shock everything he touches. a handshake? you get shocked. he tries to open a car door? literal sparks. as a kid he had to wear electricity resistant gloves because he didnt have a hold on it and it became dangerous because when his emotions are heightened, so are his powers. if he gets angry or excited or sad the air around him smells like ozone, and sometimes you can even see the sparks

cows really like him. straight up adore him. theyre his favourite animal!

he smells like ink, ozone, and something metallic. some people say blood, but hazel says its something like copper or nickel

[quantitative4rts]

I've been going insane based off of some implications from one of Monique's videos, which is this one.

your obligatory bad gore doodle you are welcome 🫡 but i needed to get this idea out so whatever

whole rant under here guh. Spoilers to one event (Abandoned Kerfur) in 0.8.1

Even if there's different lore related junk, this is mostly what I interpret it as so shrug.

I think that Dee definitely got snatched in some way and put into that one abandoned Kerfur robot that you can find buried. I THINK that the gore and guts inside of it are Dee and I have very limited evidence but I DONT CARE he's special to me.

(Text reads: Bloody robot. Even if there's a lore reason, I still think Dee got shoved into the robot and was trying to get help.)

No body found on the ENTIRE property, but his Kerfur was still trying to communicate with home base? What if Dee was shoved into that robot fucking FNAF style and was trying so hard to get help, but no one could understand him. Bleeding out, stuck inside of a machine with no chance at being saved... With how insane other topics in the game are, I think it's possible for Dee to have possessed that robot and that's why he attacks Kellin. I think that the robot attacking Kellin was just an unconscious response by the machine and Dee's anger at being abandoned.

Now I know that you can buy the orange Kerfur after defeating the abandoned one... But what if Kel decided to salvage this abandoned, bloody robot? I think Kel would be willing to go through hell to repair this thing, fix its broken paneling (from Kel beating the shit out of it with a crowbar,) and give it its own Kerfur-O body. Maybe he just wanted another robot, but he wanted to save it in some way. Eventually in some way it would be revealed that this robot has some aspect of Dr. Dee in it.. The guy who died with no care by the organizers of these experiments, the guy who was there at the base before Kel... And just imagine him seeing this early 20s enby guy just fucking thriving out in the mountains.

I've been thinking about these guys for a while and making my own characterization of Kel and shit so who cares if it's non-canon. Here's some fun facts about Dee from whatever this is. An AU maybe. Idk. Let's call this the Dr. Dee lives on AU. (DDLO.)

I'm fairly sure the abandoned Kerfur model might be thinner / slightly smaller than the one you can buy, so imagine a grown human skeleton being shoved into that thing.

With that in mind, Dee's Kerfur-O shell is missing its right arm, which shows off the internal gore and his right humerus bone. Super fun!

His eye also pops out of the fucking screen cause I wanted it to.

He used a cane for the first two weeks because he could not remember how to walk (It had been only two months but being half alive in a robot will do that to you.)

Once he got mobility back, he started to do tasks around the base for Kel. These included cleaning up trash that he left around before dying, collecting scrap for his shell or just for other projects Kel has in mind.

Kel gives him weekly journals to write in to document his experiences and to keep him half sane as crazy shit happens around them. Dee probably has insane panic attacks considering what happened to him while he was ALIVE THERE.

Kel ordered so many materials to make extra scrap (to make Dee another arm,) from the store that Ena had to send him a message asking what he was using it all for. Obviously he lied cause otherwise Kel and Dee would probably both be killed.

Dee is very appreciative of Kel and claims that "He does more for me than that company ever did."

After two weeks of being reanimated, Kel eventually just gave up on making another arm and just welded Dee's open wound shut with extra metal. He also started wrapping Dee's screen with bandages to cover the eye. Mainly so it wouldn't possibly get infected, but also because it was slightly freaking Kel out.

ok that's all I have developed for now, I will have more later maybe depends on how obsessed I get over them again. i have been playing votv nonstop i do not know how I have not gotten one of the forbiddens yet

[inky-goddess]

I don't know how much longer i can hold out going to only the trade school and not a normal school since not being anywhere in the morning makes my anxiety worse but my school distrcit doesnt care about the special ed students especially those who are "problems" like me so they're going super slow and havent even sent out the paperwork for me to be enrolled in the other school so now im very close to losing the only chance I have to do something with my life and actually have a career

[cisthoughtcrime]

.

[lemongogo]

college … wasted on the youth (me)

[thedrotter]

I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???

well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!

It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.

I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.

That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[stephaniedola]

every time i start to think things might be looking up with my dad some bullshit happens that makes the guilt kick right back in again

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[skunkes]

having struggles with hobbies and enjoyment and creativity again

[jalo-parker]

Bunch of mspaint doodles cause I think I've hit some art block :')

Ghost fans I have returned everyone rejoice (there's a big change I abandon you guys again for another few weeks 😁😁 I'm never fully gone though, just lurking)

In order of doodles + characters on canvas: sodo, my ghoulsona Zero, swiss, phantom, rain, mountain, aether, helsknight and my sona, and then owl guy and ryder (my ocs)

(leaving the cut off at the end of the tags it's funny to me)

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

i have to think about chilchuck and laios forever

[rouge-the-bat]

something i love discussing with others is the different ways people experience kin bc its so interesting the vastness of how everyones personal experiences with it can be. i really dont get people that will be like "kin is only ever LIKE THIS! everyone else is fake!" or trying to act like people with kin past lives (or anyone that "takes kinning too seriously") are crazy. like just!!! how do yall not enjoy the vast and unique experiences of other people!! how do they not fascinate you!!! its INSANE to me

[ambersky0319]

New Employee aquired today

My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her

Me:

Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???

[kneworder]

every year I think hang on maybe I have a handle on this whole school thing! and then every year I get assigned one (1) writing assignment and crumble under the weight of crippling executive dysfunction so bad I spiral into borderline suicidal despair