#i love how differently everyone can kin regardless of how big or small it is for them or the ways they experience it
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something i love discussing with others is the different ways people experience kin bc its so interesting the vastness of how everyones personal experiences with it can be. i really dont get people that will be like "kin is only ever LIKE THIS! everyone else is fake!" or trying to act like people with kin past lives (or anyone that "takes kinning too seriously") are crazy. like just!!! how do yall not enjoy the vast and unique experiences of other people!! how do they not fascinate you!!! its INSANE to me
#that being said i dont interact in kin spaces very heavily after i left this one large kin discord server#while i dont miss that (drained too much energy + too many chances for drama)#(or general issues just from kin being so personal and thus discomfort when peoples canons have things that clash with others canons)#but i do kinda miss seeing more about how other people experience kin stuff#and discussing what its like for me more often#also i see sometimes people criticizing the terminology people sometimes use about kinning?#even like the term ''kinning'' bc ppl will say ''its not an action you do!''#and they treat it like people that use terms like that are the kind that kin “wrong'' and act like kin is just ''i relate to this character#but like. kin IS very important and significant for me!#i may not know the exact details of HOW i kin- like theyre not past lives for me but i still AM the characters#i have kin memories sometimes but they dont feel like past lives#n kin itself is very important to me- but trying to figure out what exactly it is if its not past lives isnt important#like idk the functionality of it i just feel it. and acknowledge the feelings. you know#and i just learned kin stuff through people who are more casual with the concept and the terminology used#n just. idk. im tired rambling.#i love how differently everyone can kin regardless of how big or small it is for them or the ways they experience it#i think we should appreciate other ppls different experiences more
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Head Over Heels
Part II—
← Previous - Next →
Pairing: Wrecker x reader
Word Count: 1.1k
Warnings: swearing, slut shaming, allusion to sex (don’t worry ya’ll the smut is coming in part 3, releasing Friday!)
Summary: Wrecker is over the moon about your recent confession. Crosshair is annoyed, but takes it too far
AN: Decided to move the timeline for this series up so that I can start working on my longer Wrecker series! Also sorry if anyone simps for Crosshair
Wrecker had a hard time focusing on the mission the next week or so, more so than usual. All he wanted to do was fly back to the base and be with you. He tried his best to keep his mouth shut and act normal. But he couldn’t stop himself on the final journey back to base.
“She said she loves me,” he’d said “I wanna take her somewhere fun and exciting to celebrate,”
Hunter thought it was sweet, a little annoying that Wrecker wouldn’t shut up, but sweet that he was happy. It’s hard being the only four outcast clones in an army of millions. Plenty of the Regs felt ostracized and unwanted by civilians, but they weren’t even wanted by their own kin. Wrecker deserved this, he deserved to be happy.
Tech thought their whole arrangement was ridiculously unprofessional. If he really thought about it he might’ve come to the conclusion that he was jealous of his brother. He lets himself believe he’s indifferent about the whole thing, and let’s his vod drone on and on about what planets he thinks would be most exciting to visit with you.
Crosshair is jealous. He can’t stand how easy it was for Wrecker to be himself and not drive people away. He couldn’t stand listening to Wrecker talk about you, or your civilian friends, or the things you cared about. The more he listened, and the more he thought about it the angrier he got.
They were coming into the atmosphere of the planet the base was stationed on. Wrecker was so excited, he was having trouble sitting still. Finally the Havoc Marauder landed in the docking bay, and the doors slid open. The squad disembarked and began unloading their cargo, Wrecker still talking endlessly. Finally Crosshair couldn’t take it another second.
“Wrecker your brain is too smooth to get it, but none of us give a fucking shit about your little bunk bunny,” He snapped
Everyone stopped moving, they all turned to stare at Crosshair. Wrecker’s face fell, he couldn’t believe he’d had just said that. A small gasping sound came from the main hangar door, where you had just come around the corner to greet them. You turned on your heel and left.
Wrecker dropped the crate he was holding and took two massive strides towards Crosshair. Without even thinking about it, he shoved him full force into the wall. The sound of his high powered, ultra precision rifle scope cracking on the impact.
“I love her. Someone finally likes me for who I am. Why can’t you just be fucking happy for me?” Wrecker yells. Crosshair looked up at him, guilt already beginning to creep in. If he was gonna say anything in his defense, Wrecker doesn’t stick around to hear it, he turns and runs out the hangar door after you.
Hunter glares at Crosshair. “Regardless of her involvement with Wrecker. She is still one of the commanding officers of this base. She is the only officer we’ve ever had that hasn’t put in to transfer us to a different base,” he grits out “and you just called her a whore”
Crosshair goaned, already feeling sore from hitting the wall. And now feeling guilty for offending not only you, but Wrecker as well. He fucked up, and he knew it.
Wrecker didn’t see which way you went, but this base wasn’t all that big, and you only had a handful of hiding spots he thought you would go to. He crossed the docking bay, and went to the busted up old transport ship that you’d been working on. It hadn’t flown since the early days of the war, and it was a passion project or yours to fix it up. And that’s exactly where he found you, sitting on the floor of the cockpit fiddling with the busted coms system.
“Hey Tiny,” he said softly, coming to sit down next to you.
“Hi” you answered, intentionally not looking at him
“I know you heard what Cross said,” he tried to start out gently
“Yeah, I did,” your hands stilled, you realized tears were brimming in your eyes and you needed to focus on not letting them spill over.
“He didn’t mean that,” Wrecker said, reaching out for one of your hands. You pulled your hand away, setting it in your lap.
“Yes he did” you your voice sounds choked, trying to stifle the sob building in your throat
“He’s just jealous because no one likes him” Wrecker joked, trying to lighten you up a bit
“Maybe he’s right Wreck” the first tear slides down your cheek
He’s shocked to hear you say something like that, “What? Why would you say that?”
“I mean I wasn’t always a member of command… I’ve been assigned to different bases and squadrons in the past. And it’s not like I haven’t....ya know messed around with a couple other troopers before I met you,” you drop your head into your hands, feeling guilty and ashamed. You tried desperately to wipe the tears off your face, and not look so helpless.
“Yeah but you already told me about all that though. It doesn’t matter, cuz you’re with me now. And you’re not messing around with anyone else right?” He asked, scooching to face you instead of being next to you.
You whipped your head up, “No! Of course not”
“Good, then it doesn’t matter what Crosshair or anyone else thinks” he smiled at you, “You and me Tiny, that’s what matters,”
You sniffled a bit and smiled at him, “How did I get so lucky?” You whispered now reaching out for his hand. He chuckled a bit, and dropped his gaze to look down at your delicate fingers gently brushing his palm.
“I missed you,” he whispered “Think maybe I talked about you too much, think I drove the boys insane,”
You laughed, and reached up to put your arms around his neck. Wrecker pulled you into his lap, letting his arms drape around your waist. His hands settled on the small of your back, he leaned in to kiss your cheek.
“I missed you too big guy, I hate it when your missions go longer than expected,” you melted into him, despite the hard plastoid armor.
“I was thinking tomorrow we could go explore more of the forest at the far end of the air field, you guys have some time off before your next mission,” you offered, you’d been thinking about it the whole time he was gone.
He tightened his hold on you just a bit, “Sounds good,” he whispered “But first, I want to show you how much I missed you,”
Tag List: @escapedthesarlacc @ladyjenny19 @comphersjost @ortizshinkaroff
#Wrecker x reader#wrecker x f!reader#Wrecker#Star Wars#Clone Wars#The Bad Batch#repost because tumblr hates me#Head Over Heels
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no ones saying you cant enjoy daniil? people like him as a character but mostly Because he’s an asshole and he’s interesting. the racism and themes of colonization in patho are so blatant
nobody said “by order of Law you are forbidden from enjoying daniil dankovsky in any capacity”, but they did say “if you like daniil dankovsky you are abnormal, problematic, and you should be ashamed of yourself”, so i’d call that an implicit discouragement at the least. not very kind.
regardless, he is a very interesting asshole and we love to make fun of him! but i do not plan to stop seeing his character in an empathetic light when appropriate to do so. we’re all terribly human.
regarding “the racism and themes of colonization in patho”, we’ve gotta have a sit-down for this one because it’s long and difficult. tl;dr here.
i’ve written myself all back and forth and in every direction trying to properly pin down the way i feel about this in a way that is both logically coherent and emotionally honest, but it’s not really working. i debated even responding at all, but i do feel like there are some things worth saying so i’m just going to write a bunch of words, pick a god, and pray it makes some modicum of sense.
the short version: pathologic 2 is a flawed masterwork which i love deeply, but its attempts to be esoteric and challenging have in some ways backfired when it comes to topical discussions such as those surrounding race, which the first game didn’t give its due diligence, and the second game attempted with incomplete success despite its best efforts.
the issue is that when you have a game that is so niche and has these “elevated themes” and draws from all this kind of academic highbrow source material -- the fandom is small, but the fandom consists of people who want to analyze, pathologize, and dissect things as much as possible. so let’s do that.
first: what exactly is racist or colonialist in pathologic? i’m legitimately asking. people at home: by what mechanism does pathologic-the-game inflict racist harm on real people? the fact that the Kin are aesthetically and linguistically inspired by the real-world Buryat people (& adjacent groups) is a potential red flag, but as far as i can tell there’s never any value judgement made about either the fictionalized Kin or the real-world Buryat. the fictional culture is esoteric to the player -- intended to be that way, in fact -- but that’s not an inherently bad thing. it’s a closed practice and they’re minding their business.
does it run the risk of being insensitive with sufficiently aggressive readings? absolutely, but i don’t think that’s racist by itself. they’re just portrayed as a society of human beings (and some magical ones, if you like) that has flaws and incongruences just as the Town does. it’s not idealizing or infantilizing these people, but by no means does it go out of its way to villainize them either. there is no malice in this depiction of the Kin.
is it the fact that characters within both pathologic 1 & 2 are racist? that the player can choose to say racist things when inhabiting those characters? no, because pathologic-the-game doesn’t endorse those things. they’re throwaway characterization lines for assholes. acknowledging that racism exists does not make a media racist. see more here.
however, i find it’s very important to take a moment and divorce the racial discussions in a game like pathologic 2 from the very specific experiences of irl western (particularly american) racism. it’s understandable for such a large chunk of the english-speaking audience to read it that way; it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. although it acknowledges the relevant history to some extent, on account of being set in 1915, pathologic 2 is not intended to be a commentary about race, and especially not current events, and especially especially not current events in america. it’s therefore unfair, in my opinion, to attempt to diagnose it with any concrete ideology or apply its messages to an american racial paradigm.
it definitely still deals with race, but it always, to me, seemed to come back around the exploitation of race as an ultimately arbitrary division of human beings, and the story always strove to be about human beings far more than it was ever about race. does it approach this topic perfectly? no, but it’s clearly making an effort. should we be aware of where it fails to do right by the topic? yes, definitely, but we should also be charitable in our interpretations of what the writers were actually aiming for, rather than reactionarily deeming them unacceptable and leaving it at that. do we really think the writers for pathologic 2 sat down and said “we’re going to go out of our way to be horrible racists today”? i don’t.
IPL’s writing team is a talented lot, and dybowski as lead writer has the kinds of big ideas that elevate a game to a work of art, particularly because he’s not afraid to get personal. on that front, some discussion is inescapable as pathologic 2 deals in a lot of racial and cultural strife, because it’s clearly something near to the his heart, but as i understand it was never really meant to be a narrative “about” race, at least not exclusively so, and especially not in the same sense as the issue is understood by the average American gamer. society isn't a monolith and the contexts are gonna change massively between different cultures who have had, historically, much different relationships with these concepts.
these themes are “so blatant” in pathologic 2 because clearly, on some level, IPL wanted to start a discussion. I think it’s obvious that they wanted to make the audience uncomfortable with the choices they were faced with and the characters they had to inhabit -- invoke a little ostranenie, as it were, and force an emotional breaking point. in the end the game started a conversation and i think that’s something that was done in earnest, despite its moments of obvious clumsiness.
regarding colonialism, this is another thing that the game is just Not About. we see the effects and consequences of colonialism demonstrated in the world of pathologic, and it’s something we’re certainly asked to think about from time to time, but the actual plot/narrative of the game is not about overcoming or confronting explicitly colonialist constructs, etc. i personally regard this as a bit of a missed opportunity, but it’s just not what IPL was going for.
instead they have a huge focus, as discussed somewhat in response to this ask, on the broader idea of powerful people trying to create a “utopia” at the mortal cost of those they disempower, which is almost always topical as far as i’m concerned, and also very Russian.
i think there was some interview where it was said that the second game was much more about “a mechanism that transforms human nature” than the costs of utopia, but it’s still a persistent enough theme to be worth talking about both as an abstraction of colonialism as well as in its more-likely intended context through the lens of wealth inequality, environmental destruction & government corruption as universal human issues faced by the marginalized classes. i think both are important and intelligent readings of the text, and both are worth discussion.
both endings of pathologic 2 involve sacrifice in the name of an “ideal world” where it’s impossible to ever be fully satisfied. in the Diurnal Ending, Artemy is tormented over the fate of the Kin and the euthanasia of his dying god and all her miracles, but he needs to have faith that the children he’s protected will grow up better than their parents and create a world where he and his culture will be immortalized in love. in the Nocturnal Ending, he’s horrified because in preserving the miracle-bound legacy of his people as a collective, he’s un-personed himself to the individuals he loves, but he needs to have faith that the uniqueness and magic of the resurrected Earth was precious enough to be worth that sacrifice. neither ending is fair. it’s not fair that he can’t have both, but that’s the idea. because that “utopia” everyone’s been chasing is an idol that distracts from the important work of being a human being and doing your best in a flawed world.
because pathologic’s themes as a series are so very “Russian turn-of-the-century” and draw a ton of stylistic and topical inspiration from the theatre and literature of that era, i don’t doubt that it’s also inherited some of its inspirational literature’s missteps. however, because the game’s intertextuality is so incredibly dense it’s difficult to construct a super cohesive picture of its actual messaging. a lot of its references and themes will absolutely go over your head if you enter unprepared -- this was true for me, and it ended up taking several passes and a bunch of research to even begin appreciating the breadth of its influences.
(i’d argue this is ultimately a good thing; i would never have gone and picked up Camus or Strugatsky, or even known who Antonin Artaud was at all if i hadn’t gone in with pathologic! my understanding is still woefully incomplete and it’s probably going to take me a lot more effort to get properly fluent in the ideology of the story, but that’s the joy of it, i think. :) i’m very lucky to be able to pursue it in this way.)
anyway yes, pathologic 2 is definitely very flawed in a lot of places, particularly when it tries to tackle race, but i’m happy to see it for better and for worse. the game attempts to discuss several adjacent issues and stumbles as it does so, but insinuating it to be in some way “pro-racist” or “pro-colonialist” or whatever else feels kind of disingenuous to me. they’re clearly trying, however imperfectly, to do something intriguing and meaningful and empathetic with their story.
even all this will probably amount to a very disjointed and incomplete explanation of how pathologic & its messaging makes me feel, but what i want -- as a broader approach, not just for pathologic -- is for people to be willing to interpret things charitably.
sometimes things are made just to be cruel, and those things should be condemned, but not everything is like that. it’s not only possible but necessary to be able to acknowledge flaws or mistakes and still be kind. persecuting something straight away removes any opportunity to examine it and learn from it, and pathologic happens to be ripe with learning experiences.
it’s all about being okay with ugliness, working through difficult nuances with grace, and the strength of the human spirit, and it’s a story about love first and foremost, and i guess we sort of need that right now. it gave me some of its love, so i’m giving it some of my patience.
#meta#discourse#long post#ipl#writing#Anonymous#slight edit for colonialism#untitled plague game#pathologic
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Changes: Chapter 7
There’s two chapters left and I’m excited!
Title: Changes Ship: Sonny x Reader (OC female character)
Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch.6 | AO3 | Chapter List |
Chapter 7: Absence - Sonny is missing from work one day and his absence hits you harder than you expected.
The summer is winding down and you’re near to having the backlog of SVU casefiles expertly organized and sorted. You’ve made a lot of progress, with only a few more boxes left to go. Time has flown by it seems and you realise that Sonny has actually been instrumental in making your days a little brighter. The two of you often find yourselves taking the same lunch break, perhaps coincidental or maybe secretly intentional. Regardless, it allows you both to simply enjoy each other’s company. That’s why you always get a little jolt of excitement when Sonny walks into the precinct in the mornings. You know you’ll at least have a reason to smile.
Today however, is different. Sonny hasn’t shown up for work. You take note of the other squad members as they arrive and begin their shift. You try to subtly keep one eye on the door, but person after person files in and there’s still no sign of Carisi. Your heart sinks a little further.
Eventually you tell yourself to accept that he won’t be at work today and you’re too ashamed to dare ask anyone why. It’s not that big of a deal. He owes you no explanation. Still, disappointment stems from his absence. You enjoy seeing him everyday. The way he never fails to dress slick, from his perfectly gelled hair to the crisp three-piece suits he adorns. He is the definition of handsomely presentable. Not to mention that he always makes sure to acknowledge you. If he’s busy, it may only be a smile and a nod. But, it’s enough. Looking back, you find it remarkable how in just a couple months, your attitudes towards one another have turned completely around. You’ve really gotten to know Sonny and he you. That’s why his absence hits you so hard. You miss him.
The morning continues to tick by slowly until you hear Fin pipe up as Sgt. Benson emerges from her office. “Hey Liv, where’s Carisi?” he questions.
Detective Rollins answers instead: “He took the day off. The Carisis are putting on a baby shower for Bella and Tommy.” Amanda waves her hand dismissively like this is a common reason for Sonny to miss work.
“That family and their big parties,” Fin utters to no one in particular, before taking a sip of his coffee.
Unbeknownst to the rest of the squad, you’re smiling. That sinking feeling you previously had is overcome by the comfort of knowing that Sonny is with his family. You feel somehow even more connected to the detective because of it. You imagine the delight in his smile as he laughs with his kin. He’s probably talking to his sister’s belly right now, telling the baby how much ‘uncle Sonny’ already loves them. Your heart aches, but in the best way possible.
The next morning you once again find yourself keeping watch in the direction of the elevator. Finally Sonny shows up, a smile on his face and looking rather rejuvenated. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding in. You raise your head in his direction, ready to greet him when he walks by, but instead Sgt. Benson is already calling for him. Rollins is to join him and head out on a call asap. You observe Sonny’s focus switch immediately. His posture straightens and his brow knits with concern almost as if he’s entered ‘detective-mode’. You sigh defeatedly. There goes any chance of saying ‘hi’ today. But as Sonny is flying past your station, he makes sure to turn to you with a smile and a wink before disappearing out the door.
You carry that image with you throughout the morning and into lunch. You hate to admit that such a simple, friendly gesture can make you feel so giddy. You decide a cup of coffee is just what you need to distract yourself and ready the machine.
Your stomach growls and you feel a little disheartened that it will end up being a day where you eat alone. So, you scroll through your phone while you munch on your food. After a while the coffee maker beeps, signalling you to down the final bites and fill your mug.
As you begin to attend to it, the breakroom door whooshes open and Sonny plops himself down in a chair. “Hey!” he tries to say casually, though it’s clear he’s out of breath.
“Hey, you’re back!” you reply before quickly turning towards the counter in an attempt to hide the smile that's spreading across your face.
“Busy mornin’!” he trills, unpacking his own lunch. He begins to wolf it down noisily.
“You want a cup?” you offer, pouring yourself a mug of coffee.
“Sure! Thanks, doll,” he responds through a mouthful of food.
You freeze. Doll? You’ve heard of that term of endearment before…but did he mean anything by it? You decide to shove the thought away and resume filling a mug for Sonny. You turn and set it in front of him with a smile. As you do, there seems to be a hint of anxiousness in Sonny’s eyes, almost as if he’s waiting to see if you’ll react to his phrase.
Instead, you switch to lightening the mood. “It was pretty quiet ‘round here yesterday without you,” you tease, sitting back down in your seat.
Sonny eases. “Yeah?” he lets out a chuckle and smirks. “Glad to know I was missed.”
“Didn’t say that,” you counter, blowing nonchalantly on your steaming beverage while gazing up at him through your long lashes.
His grin grows wider before he purses his lips to disguise it. Sonny then slides back in his chair to lean his elbows on the table. “Well, my ma sure did. It was good to go home for the day.” You smile sweetly in response, taking a sip of your drink. “I just can’t believe I’m gonna be an uncle again! Talk about make a person feel old,” Sonny’s brows raise as the realization hits him.
“I know what you mean,” you agree. “Seems like everyone I went to school with is already on baby number three!”
“Right?!” he exclaims with a gesture of his hand. “Ma keeps giving me hints about grandchildren, but you gotta walk before you run, y’know. Find someone, settle down, spend some time together, then you can talk babies. Besides, how the hell could I take care of a kid with my schedule right now?” Sonny rubs at his temple stressfully.
Your heart rises to your throat. He’s got the same values as I do.
He looks up to you with one eye open, “What? You think I’m nuts too?” he jibes lightheartedly. You didn’t realise that you were staring.
“No, no!” you blurt, feeling a little embarrassed. “It’s just I…think the same way about all that stuff. It’s nice to hear it coming from another person.”
Sonny’s eyes narrow while he drinks you in. A small smile forms on his lips and he nods in agreement.
“I just can’t believe it’s already August,” you say timidly, tracing your fingers absentmindedly along the handle of your coffee mug. “I’ve only got a couple weeks left.”
Sonny’s figure slumps as he stretches back in his seat. “Only a couple weeks? Seems like you just got here,” he says sympathetically. “You’re doing amazing work though. Savin’ all our asses, really. We’d be lost without you.” To Sonny’s delight, his words make you snicker. “I’ve enjoyed chatting with you. Turns out, you’re pretty cool,” he compliments.
“So are you,” you return and find that Sonny’s baby blues are kinder and gentler than you’ve ever noticed before.
“Hey, we should try to keep in touch after you leave. You know, in case one of us here can’t understand the filing system or, uh, in case I need to know how to dissect an eyeball for whatever reason.”
You scrunch your nose in laughter. “Or in case I need a legal-dictionary. Will you be on call?”
“Ab-so-lutely!” he reciprocates with a toothy grin. Sonny then pulls out his phone, flicks through it and turns it over to you. He wants my number! you think dumbfound. You quickly fumble with your own cell and do the same.
He stands up when you both are finished and smooths out his shirt. He tells you he’ll catch you later before heading back into the squad room.
Lunch is over, but you have a feeling of beginning rather than an end.
Chapter 8 here
#Changes#my fanfic#Sonny Carisi x Reader#Sonny Carisi#Sonnyshine of my life#law and order svu#svu fanfic
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The Elf Lord who brought Dior the Silmaril; what was going through his head?- Commentary
I’m not making anyone read my snark, but it’s under the cut
The Passage in question:
“There came a night of autumn, and when it grew late, one came and smote upon the doors of Menegroth, demanding admittance to the King. He was a lord of the Green-Elves hastening from Ossiriand, and the door-wards brought him to where Dior sat alone in his chamber; and there in silence he gave to the King a coffer, and took his leave.” The Silmarillion, Of the Ruin of Doriath.
Relationship with the Sons of Fëanor
“But the victory of the Elves was Dear-bought. For those of Ossiriand were light-armed, and no match for the Orcs, who were shod with iron and iron-shielded and bore great spears with broad blades; and Denethor was cut off and surrounded upon the hill of Amon Ereb. There he fell and all his nearest kin about him, before the host of Thingol could come to his aid. Bitterly though his fall was avenged, when Thingol came upon the rear of the Orcs and slew them in heaps, his people lamented him ever after and took no king again. After the battle some returned to Ossiriand, and their tidings filled the remnant of their people with great fear [if I had a dollar for everytime the writings implied Green-Elves were cowards, I’d have about $6 because there’s so little written about them], so that thereafter they came never forth in open war, but kept to themselves by wariness and secrecy; and they were called Laiquendi, the Green-elves, because of their raiment of the color of leaves. But many went North and entered the guarded realm of Thingol and were merged with his people.1”
“...And the Orcs took the fortress upon the west slopes of Mount Rerir, and ravaged all of Thargelion, the land of Caranthir; and they defiled Lake Helevorn. Thence they passed over Gelion with fire and terror and came into East Beleriand. Maglor joined Maedhros upon Himring; but Caranthir fled and joined the remnant of his people to the scattered folk of the hunters, Amrod and Amras, and they retreated and passed Ramdal in the south [see!! Literally right here, in my previous post I bitched about this--no one else is written like that!!]. Upon Amon Ereb they maintained a watch and some strength of war, and they had the aid of the Green-Elves; and the Orcs came not into Ossiriand, nor to Taur-im-Duinath and the wilds of the south.2”
“...and the sons of Fëanor wandered before the wind. Their arms were scattered, and their league broken; and they took to a wild life and woodland life beneath the feet of Ered Lindon, mingling with the Green-Elves of Ossiriand…3”
“The Nelyar [Teleri] were most reluctant to leave their lakeside homes; but they were very cohesive, and very conscious of the separate unity of their Clan (as they continued to be), so that when it became clear that their chieftains Elwe and Olwe were resolved to depart and would have a large following, many of those among them who had at first joined the Avari went over to the Eldar rather than be separated from their kin. The Ñoldor indeed asserted that most of the ‘Teleri’ were at heart Avari, and that only the Eglain*** really regretted being left in Beleriand.” After writing about the Tatyar (Noldor who remained in Middle-Earth) and their bitterness towards the Noldor, Christopher Tolkien writes, “This ill-feeling descended in part from the bitterness of the Debate before the March of the Eldar began, and was no doubt later increased by the mechanisms of Morgoth; but it also throws some light upon the temperment of the Ñoldor in general, and Fëanor in particular, Indeed the Teleri on their side asserted that most of the Ñoldor in Aman itself were in heart Avari, and returned to Middle-Earth when they discovered their mistake; they needed room to quarrel in.11**”
Amon Ereb is where the Green-Elves buried their king and lamented him ever after. During Dagor Bragollach, Ambarussa and Caranthir flee to Amon Ereb, where they “maintained a watch and some strength of war.” There’s two ways this can be: We can ignore the line “had the aid of the Green-Elves;” Since the Quenta Silmarillion was written in universe and has been revised in universe, you can say that that’s not an accurate retelling. You could instead say that since there is a War going on, the Feanorians just built there and the Green-Elves feared the retaliation of Murderers. Following that, even if this were not the case and the Green-Elves were understanding, there is bound to be some dissent or some begrudging feelings for building a fortress on their beloved kings grave. The other option is to accept the line and say that the Green-Elves allowed them to build there. This would imply that they have a phenomenally good relationship with the Sons of Fëanor (or at least 4, 6 & 7) to allow them to build on Denethor's grave. Though I do not think the first option is liable since the Green-Elves attended the Feast of Reuniting, when Thingol only sent two Elves in his stead. In addition to this, The Sons mingled with the Green-Elves after the Fifth Battle, which if canon is to be believed and that “a stranger might pass through their land from end to end and see none of them4,” If the Green-Elves didn’t want to mingle, they wouldn’t have. The next mention of their location (in the published Silmarillion) is after the Elf Lord brought the Silmaril to Doriath, when they were “gathered again from their wandering,” so while it’s not explicit that both the Sons of Fëanor and the Silmaril were both within the borders of Ossiriand at the same time, it is implied [👀]. Though it seems that there is some bitterness between the Teleri and Noldor [I wonder how different their familial structures are--the Teleri stick together and that’s extremely important to them. There also seem to be excpetions to this since the Teleri are on both sides of the sea… and I’m not saying that family isn’t important to the Noldor (look at Finwë’s family), but when given the choice, a large majortiy left their families behind or left them to cross the Ice]. Though the Lindi* are a subsection of the Teleri, they are (along with the Avari), often an afterthought in writings [I’m not kidding--WJ/374 “...when the [Elves of Aman] spoke of the Eldalie, “the Elven-Folk,” he meant vaguely all the races of Elves, though [they] were probably not thinking of the Avari.”], so I am unsure if the second quote could apply to the Green-Elves or if C. Tolkien was specifically referring to the Tatyar. Regardless though, it seems to me that the Noldor and Teleri have something in common--they’re both Avari at heart and love Middle-Earth. [what’s so great about Aman anyway :/ clearly not much, if the majority of elves wanted to stay/ returned and only left for Aman when the Elves were *dying*]. Though the Second Kinslaying takes place after the events asked about, I’m going to touch on it briefly as well. Specifically, how “...[the Teleri] were very cohesive, and very conscious of the separate unity of their Clan (as they continued to be), so that when it became clear that their chieftains Elwe and Olwe were resolved to depart and would have a large following, many of those among them who had at first joined the Avari went over to the Eldar rather than be separated from their kin.” Teleri don’t like to be seperate from their families and don’t do so lightly; this, to me, implies a high emphasis on family compared to the other clans. The Sons of Feänor, who they gave safe harbor to and allowed to build on their kings grave, really spit in Green-Elves of Ossiriand’s face when they killed their close kin in Doriath. [Big Yikes]
Relationship with the Sindar
“But the victory of the Elves was Dear-bought. For those of Ossiriand were light-armed, and no match for the Orcs, who were shod with iron and iron-shielded and bore great spears with broad blades; and Denethor was cut off and surrounded upon the hill of Amon Ereb. There he fell and all his nearest kin about him, before the host of Thingol could come to his aid. Bitterly though his fall was avenged, when Thingol came upon the rear of the Orcs and slew them in heaps, his people lamented him ever after and took no king again. After the battle some returned to Ossiriand, and their tidings filled the remnant of their people with great fear, so that thereafter they came never forth in open war, but kept to themselves by wariness and secrecy; and they were called Laiquendi, the Green-elves, because of their raiment of the color of leaves. But many went North and entered the guarded realm of Thingol and were merged with his people.1”
“...Of those Nandor who took refuge in Doriath after the fall of Denethor is it said; ‘In the event they did not mingle happily with the Teleri of Doriath, and so dwelt mostly in the small land Eglamar, Arthórien under their own chief. Some of them were “darkhearted,” though this did not necessarily appear, except under strain or provocation.’ [this is called “being normal.” We all have a dark side that appears under strain of provocation. Maybe they’re noted as such because everyone keeps being a dick] ‘The chief of the “Guest-elves,” as they were called, was given a permanent place in Thingol’s council…7”
I’m going to paraphrase this next bit by a lot, since it’s a couple pages worth of material11…
Celben: the Sindarin equivalent of Kalaquendi; all Elves other than the Avari and includes the Sindar. It is also equivalent to Eldar (Q.) and Elloi (T.)
Morben: Originally only referred to the Avari, but as other Children became known, it came to mean “Anyone dwelling outside Beleriand, or entering their realm from the outside.” “The first people of this kind to be met were the Nandor...when the Nandor were recognized as kinsfolk of Lindarin origin and speech, they were received into the class of Celbin.” However, later in Note 9 which discusses Eöl and Maeglin, “Some of the Nandor, who were allowed to be Celbin, [*allowed??* wtf is this? Is this a VIP club??] were not any better,” is written and the Note goes on to discuss Saeros.
“Now word went swiftly among the Elves of Ossiriand that a great host of dwarves bearing gear of war had down out of the mountains and passed over Gelion at the Ford of Stones. These tidings came soon to Beren and Lúthien; and in that time also a messenger came to them out of Doriath telling of what had befallen there. Then Beren arose and left Tol Galen, and summoning to him Dior his son they went north the river Ascar; and with them went many of the Green-Elves of Ossiriand...In that battle by Sarn Athrad Beren fought his last fight, and himself slew the Lord of Nogrod, and wrested from him the Necklace of the Dwarves; but he dying laid his curse upon all the treasure. Then Beren gazed in wonder on the selfsame jewel Fëanor that he has cut from Morgoths iron crown, now shining set amid gold and gems by the cunning of the dwarves; and he washed it clean of blood in the waters of the river. And when all was finished the treasure of Doriath was drowned in the river Ascar, and from that time the river was named anew, Rathlóriel, the Golden Bed…5”
The Green-Elves and the Sindar are both a part of the Olwë’s Host that split off in Middle-Earth, albeit at different times. The Green-Elves had the “Friendship of Thingol,6” and “were welcomed by Thingol as kin long lost that return, and they dwelt in Ossiriand, the Land of Seven Rivers.1” Tolkien writes that his fall was “bitterly avenged,” so Thingol probably held Denethor himself in high regard. Some even merged with his people in Doriath. However, there is more to this story. “In the event,” is not an often encountered phrase but “In the event that” is, so myself and others were confused at this wording. As it turns out, the phrase means that after discussing what could’ve been, you’re now discussing what actually happened. “In the end,” “as it happened,” and “as it turned out,” are synonymous with “in the event.8” So this means that the majority of the Green-Elves who migrated to Thingol’s kingdom were unhappy within his kingdom, [and they likely wouldn’t’ve been able to leave...and where would they’ve gone? To the Noldor who Thingol hated and wouldn’t allow them to leave to join or their kin in Ossiriand who hold family in such high regard?] and though they had a permanent seat on his council, they were also called “Guest-Elves,” which likely alienated them more. I also want to discuss the classes of Calben and Morben; At first it does seem to follow the published Silmarillion--that all of the Green-Elves were welcomed as kin and subsequently, entered into the class of Celben. I don’t think that is the case anymore; I think instead, the ones who merged with Doriath were “allowed” to become Celben and those who returned to Ossiriand remained Morben [This really is a VIP club]. It could be, of course, that Green-Elves of Ossiriand are the only ones of the Lindi to hold the title of Celben--the rest of the Lindi throughout Middle-Earth are Morben. Moving on though, the Guest-Elves probably seldom left Doriath and weren’t in much contact with their kin in Ossiriand, so it’s difficult for me to say how this impacted Ossiriand Green-Elve’s and Sindar’s relationship; it seems that there was a very dichotomous relationship between them. [read: I just think the Sindar are a fickle bunch] But! Either way, the Green-Elves in and out of Doriath are kin and while that may have caused some tension--Teleri don’t like to be separated from their family and don’t do so lightly--they are still *kin* and would not take too kindly to their families being slaughtered over a jewel. I think that the Sack of Doriath would be enough “strain or provocation” to bring about their “dark heartedness.” [tbh, I don’t think any Elf would, but other than people being dicks, they gotta get their “dark hearted” reputation from somewhere lol]
Curses, Dooms and Prophecies in the Legendarium
“Now word went swiftly among the Elves of Ossiriand that a great host of dwarves bearing gear of war had down out of the mountains and passed over Gelion at the Ford of Stones. These tidings came soon to Beren and Lúthien; and in that time also a messenger came to them out of Doriath telling of what had befallen there. Then Beren arose and left Tol Galen, and summoning to him Dior his son they went north the river Ascar; and with them went many of the Green-Elves of Ossiriand...In that battle by Sarn Athrad Beren fought his last fight, and himself slew the Lord of Nogrod, and wrested from him the Necklace of the Dwarves; but he dying laid his curse upon all the treasure. Then Beren gazed in wonder on the selfsame jewel Fëanor that he has cut from Morgoths iron crown, now shining set amid gold and gems by the cunning of the dwarves; and he washed it clean of blood in the waters of the river. And when all was finished the treasure of Doriath was drowned in the river Ascar, and from that time the river was named anew, Rathlóriel, the Golden Bed…5” [The Elven forces didn’t take many casualties, but would’t they want wergild? Also, other then Beren being Tolkien’s SI or revenge, why would the Green-Elves want to fight? They seldom engage in open war, and don’t like strangers so??? Is this apart of their alliance with Doriath if they had one? Did they hate Dwarves that much? Did they want gold? What the fuck is up???]
I will not write out every curse, doom or prophecy. I am only going to list them. [there are so many, I didn’t even list them all…] The point of me listing all of these out is to show just how much power these types of things have in the Tolkien Legendarium and even if they are a self-fulfilling prophecy, they tend to come true in some way.
The Doom of Mandos
Mîm cursing Nargothronds treasure and the Nauglamir(in some variations)
The Dead Men of Dunharrow
The Curse of Morgoth; "the shadow of my thought shall lie upon them wherever they go." And the events after Húrins release
Eöl’s curse “...Here you may yet die the same death as I.”
Beleg to Túrin; “If I stayed beside you, love would lead me, not wisdom.”
Melian to Túrin; “There is malice in this sword. The dark heart of the smith still dwells in it. It will not love the hand it serves; neither will it abide with you long.”
Glaurung to Túrin; “...but thou carest not for that Glad may thy father be to learn that he hath such a son; as learn he shall”
Melian to Thingol; “For you have either doomed your daughter, or yourself. And now is Doriath drawn within the fate of a mightier realm.”
Huans Fate
The Lord of Nargothrond cursing the treasures of Doriath and the Nauglamir
There is more, but I think you get the point.
I want to touch on how the River Ascar flows into the River Gelion and “...after Sirion Ulmo loved Gelion above all the waters of the western world.4” In addition to this, the Green-Elves of Ossiriand rely on their rivers, not only for the nourishment water provides but they also “lived in the protection of their rivers,7” meaning that they also relied on the rivers for protection. I also want to point out that Ascar is the most upstream river of Ossiriand. “Why does this matter,” you ask “What does this have to do with curses?” Well…. The meaning of Ascar is “rushing or imperious (moving forcefully or rapidly).10” In addition to the river's name signifying its nature, it’s also written that “...[the rivers] fell steeply and very swift from the Mountains of Ered Lindon.9” So there is no way that cursed gold is staying put. If the Green-Elves [and Ulmo] were upset at having cursed gold in their river, that they rely on for protection, imagine how upset they’d be if there was cursed gold in the Galion, that borders all of their land.
Personally, I think that if it were any other Elf-Lord, we would have had a different story. The Silmarillion has a tragic thing going on where, if a tragedy is prevented, another one would take its place. Here, if it was any other Elf who was in possession of the Silmaril, the Second Kinslaying may have been prevented, but the Silmaril wouldn’t go to Valinor.
The Sindar and Green-Elves seem to have a dichotomous relationship, where the Sindar seem to accept them as kin, but also refer to them as outsiders. The Noldor (specifically the Sons of Fëanor) and the Green-Elves seem to have a better relationship, but there is some old bitterness between the Noldor and Teleri and any good relationship would’ve been destroyed following the Second Kinslaying. But to answer your question, what was going through that Elf Lords head? I think it was something along the lines of "Ah! Cursed Jewelry that has poisoned our river and has been the cause of many deaths, better get this out of here before the Sons of Fëanor or my fellow Green-Elves who like them more than Doriath find me!"
References
1The Silmarillion, Of the Sindar
2 The Silmarillion, Of the Ruin of Beleriand
3The Silmarillion, Of the Fifth Battle
4The Silmarillion, Of Belerinad and its Realms
5The Silmarillion, Of the Ruin of Doriath
6HoME X, The Annals of Aman
7HoME XI, The Grey Annals
8https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/in-the-event
9HoME XII, The Shibboleth of Fëanor
10https://www.elfdict.com/w/ascar
11HoME XI, Quendi and Eldar pg 376-77, 381, 409
*I don’t like the term Nandor and I refuse to use it unless I have to. It’s derived from the primitive elvish word “ndandō” which means, “one who goes back on his word or decision.” “Primitive elvish” is used by Paul Strack to describe the internal (fictional) evolution of elvish. “Lindi” is what the Green-Elves called themselves. [it seems like there’s at least 4 different ways to refer to them and I liked Lindi the best. One day I’ll finish my “Please call them anything else than Nandor” post.]
**I am aware that the quote continues to contrast this with the relations between Sindar, Green-Elves and other Avari elves, but this talks about the second age so I chose to not include it.
***”The Forsaken.” The Sindar named themselves this, but it only refers to Sindar who wanted to go to Aman but arrived late or looked for Elwë for too long. Círdan is their Lord and they are the most friendly towards the Noldor.
#blues comments#meta#my meta#The Elf Lord who brought Dior the Silmaril#silvan#green-elves#ossiriand
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A King For Tonight’s Fentertainment - Chap. 3: The Fright To Defend His Might
Summary: Danny's just done with all of this shit, seeing as Knights, apparently, don't understand secrets
Quite a few people glare, mostly looking pissed off at the agent. That is until the shot gets batted away by a sword as the Fright Knight lands his steed, Nightmare. Agent G falls to the ground as Nightmare bucks and neighs loudly, Fright Knight bellowing, “YOU DARE TO LAY ARMS AGAINST HIS MAJESTY WHILE GIVEN REFUGE WITHIN HIS LANDS. YOUR KIND HARDLY HAVE PLACE AMONGST HIS DEATHLY SUBJECTS AND ARE BEHOLDEN TO EVEN LESS RIGHTS TO REST WITHIN HIS CLOSER DOMINION. I COMMAND YOU, IN NAME OF THE HIGH GHOST KING, TO REMAIN ROOTED AS YOU ARE, UNTIL SUCH A TIME THAT HIS GRACIOUSNESS RETURNS YOU TO YOUR KEEP”.
Nearly everyone gapes at the large ghosts sudden appearance and booming voice. Those who actually took in what he said are confused and only grow more confused as Danny smiles loosely and straight-up punches the ghost in the arm like he’s some old friend.
“Pfft, ones like them don’t have keeps, you stupid old school knight. Would it kill ya to say “home” or “house” or even just “town”?”, Danny pats imaginary dust off his pants before putting a hand on his hip, pointing at the Fright Knight, “and ‘beholden’? are you even using that right? I mean I guess, sorta. Whatever. Anyway, don’t stab him. Traumatising the bastard ain’t gonna do much. Their nightmare fuel faces and nightmare inducingly incapable ghost hunting abilities will not improve by giving them literal nightmares. I think all this already counts as a frightfully bad time anyway. Add in fearsome in shining armour...wait”, Danny snorts and falls on his ass laughing, “oh my Ancients! You literally just played my knight in shining armour! My prince on his steed! Oh man, that is frighteningly cliche!”.
Danny has a feeling the Fright Knight’s face looks equal parts disgusted and judgemental, with twinklings of amusement, “I do not serve you like that, my highness”. That only serves to make Danny lay on his back laughing, while everyone else watches on utterly slack-jawed, “and here I thought I was granted your servitude to its fullest extent”. The Fright Knight lowers his sword and turns sideways to glance at Danny, “my liege, I’m beginning to be of the mind that you ought grant your kin access to your mind”.
Danny springs up from the ground and makes a show of mock offence, hands on his hips, “ouch, now that was a low blow Frightmare. Very ghostly, I approve”. While the Fright Knight grumbles about how his highness never calls anyone by their actual names, Agent L goes to shoot at him but gets kicked in the face by Nightmare. Which seems to be enough to shake the crowd out of their stupor.
Maddie goes up and yanks on Danny’s sleeve, trying to pull him away from the ghosts, “young man what are you doing? That is a ghost”. Maddie puts herself between Danny and the Fright Knight, glaring at the Fright Knight, “and how dare you address my son, ghost!”.
Danny groans, at this point he might as well just say fuck it. Sighing, “yeah fuck it”. Danny forms a ghost portal behind himself, the shock of it opening up is enough for Maddie to loosen her grip; easily allowing for Danny to slip inside it. Popping out a second portal right behind the two GIW agents. Danny punches the bent over agent L in the face, smirking devilishly all the while, “heeeeeere’s Danny!”, before twisting to punch agent G in the face; knocking both fully to the ground, again. Danny flips to land in front of them and bends down, perching on his toes, to look down at the two groaning men, “now see, the point of that was to point out that Amity’s getting its ghostly lair of an ass back to the Human Realm via one motherfucking big portal. Like Ancients, this fucker’s gonna be massive. Oh, and getting to punch you white suit scum”.
“The only scum is ectoentities!”.
“Daniel James Fenton!”.
“What the fuck Danny...”.
“Oh my god, Fenturd has ghost powers!”.
“That’s likely the only option, your excellency”.
Danny chuckles as he straightens up, “indeed, this excellencies idea is most excellent”, then rolling his eyes at everyone else, “it’s just manipulation of the Ghost Zones free-floating ectoplasm, don’t get your knickers in a knot. Anyone with my positio-”. Danny gets cut off by Red, wearing her visor again, shouting and pointing aggressively at the air above his head, “GHOST KING!!!”.
Danny sighs as Red comes stomping over to him, though chuckles as she blatantly intentionally steps on one of the downed agents. Danny rubs his neck, “uh yeah, Mr. Unliving Knightmare over here has pointed that out, like, five times”.
“Six, now seven, my Lord”.
The two agents struggle to get up and scoot away from Danny, while Red comes to stand in his face a bit, “WHAT THE HELL! HOW COULD YOU BE A GHOST KING! YOU'RE NOT EVEN DEAD!”. Danny has to bite his tongue to keep from muttering about being halfway there; the chances of Red overhearing him are too great.
Dash crosses his arms and sneers, “Fentoad couldn’t be a king anyway, he’s too scrawny and pathetic”, earning glares from most of the crowd, no one else even willing to entertain the idea that someone who walks up to guns without a care, was pathetic.
The Fright Knight goes to speak but Danny raises a hand to quiet him, “you don’t need to speak, or more likely bellow, for me. Especially at some Highschool bully who’s bark and bite is closer to puppies than to a Rottweiler”, turning to Dash while Red sputters about him commanding a ghost. Danny sticks out his tongue and pulls down one lower eyelid, “you’ve got too small a brain to lead half a pencil stick, lack the courage to take charge of my dad’s fudge supplies, and have the political capabilities of a squirrel that’s been half-drowned in knock-off cheese whiz”, smirking, “you’re hardly the judge of kings. And you’ve hardly got the place to judge one”.
Danny easily hears someone mutter about how Dash is the most dangerous kid at school, not a freaking Chihuahua. Now Danny’s firmly captured everyone’s attention, based on the disbelieving stares he's getting. Though Danny’s pretty sure the Fright Knight is over the moon over Danny’s little verbal display; a full blood red All Hallows’ eve moon but still.
The Fright Knight nods strongly as he pats Nightmare’s flaming mane, “indeed, I agree with his highnesses judge of character”, the Fright Knight turns to Red, “and you, skilled huntress. Of course, I follow my lieges desires, such is the place of any Dread Knight; and infallibly that of the High Dread Knight. Further, I said The High Ghost King, and while his grand eminence may take preference to referring to himself as simply The Ghost King; “High” is part of the title. To show rank beyond all others, the King of Kings”.
Danny sighs, “add there you go, laying it on thick”, Danny walks back over and leans against the Fright Night, who’s crossed his arms and stands stiff. Danny speaks to Red calmly, “regardless, Mr. Walking suit of armour and a creepy level of insight into everyone’s darkest fears, is right. “a” and “the” have two very different meanings”, glancing up at the Fright Knight, “and “High” is just embellishment. Fucking fanciful, unnecessary, extravagant, arguably pretentious; yada yada”.
Maddie shakes herself off and storms up, yanking Danny away from the Fright Knight yet again, “Daniel! What are you doing! You don’t even have on protective gear and-”.
Danny’s loud groan cuts her off and he can tell the Fright Knight is restraining an exasperated sigh, “mom, holy guacamole, dear gods, sweet Ancients. I’m fine, this is fine, everybody here is fine...well except those two idiot agents”, glaring at the agents, who’ve got their guns out again and stand on shaky legs, “who are about thirteen seconds away from me just straight up jacking their guns. And they will certainly not be getting them back without Jack Fenton’s face on them”. Both men cringe and instantly drop their guns, while Danny turns back to Maddie. Sighing at her, “I’m doing something to deal with the twats who caused this bullshit. And-”.
Danny gets cut off by Mr. Lancer, who’s more interested in the art of words than teenage and family bickering, “you keep mentioning ‘Ancients’, you've said it plenty over the years. Where’d that come from? And king, Daniel? I would expect a king to be far more bold and with vaster knowledge...though you’ve shown to be more bold than previously thought”.
The Fright Knight can’t restrain a scoff, one part annoyed, one part amused, and one part impressed, at how little these humans understood his king; which was largely due to his majesty’s skilful secretiveness. Danny smiles fondly, “dear Ancients, sweet Ancients, oh my Ancients, Ancient blessed, etcetera. They’re Ghost Zone terms, similar to ‘oh my god’ and ‘dear god’”. The Fright Knight nods, “quite so. I, however, am not one for such colloquialisms myself. Though many also make such terms of his most high royalties title and name. For, after all, Realms blessed be those under The High Ghost Kings joyous resplendency”.
“Oh come on! Who did Fentoast pay to pull this crap?!?”, Dash cries out and gestures at Danny.
The Fright Knight speaks at Danny, “I’m starting to see where and how you acquired your eccentric naming of everyone by names not of their own”. Danny coughs and gapes, “okay, that is a genuine insult, I’m nothing like that bleach brain fried twat. I’d get more outta eating sporks and footballs than talking to that”.
Dash doesn’t even get a chance to snap back as Red beats him to it, “first off, ew. Second, there’s no way you’re any kind of ghost royalty. I mean Danny, you’re well, you. You’re Danny. Danny Fenton. Ghost hunter protege”.
Maddie nods, grabbing Danny’s shoulder, “yeah sweetie, Fenton’s hunt ghosts. Not lead, that makes no sense”.
“Oh for the love of- goddamnit”, Danny shakes his head, slightly annoyed, “Hunt? No. Fight? Sure. Insult? Definitely. Lead? Yes. Guide? Yup. Aid? Okay. You get the point, maybe”. Danny tilts his head up at the sky, muttering to himself, “how is any of this solving our green goo sky...”.
Maddie puts her hands on her hips, “you being friendly, none the less aiding, a ghost is more of an issue. We’re protected by the shield so it-”. Danny butts in, “my shield”. Maddie nods, “yes sweetie, which while thanks, it is hard to get. But if it takes longer to get home, to Earth, because we’re sorting out this, then so be it”.
Danny chuckles, science and family did always come before safety with his parents. But there was no problem to be sorted out, and she was still too anti-ghost to really accepted this. However, Danny flicks his gaze between his mom and the Fright Knight, muttering, “though if she’s tolerating my second in command, I guess that’s something”.
Maddie and Red both blink at him, Maddie opening her mouth to speak while glaring at the Fright Knight but gets cut off by agent L. “Ok that’s enough of this crap. You’re either playing some strange joke, kid. Or you’re a damn ghost that looks human”.
Danny facepalms, “oh for fucks sake, Ancients give me strength, Realms power cometh, Zone grant deathly lease. Neither”, Danny smirks and digs into his pocket. Pulling out an 'I can’t believe it’s not a ghost' meme sticker and slaps it on his forehead, “you literally said I can’t be a ghost. Literally impossible. Ghosts need to be in the Ghost Zone. I live in Amity, in the Human Realm. Ghosties can’t do that. And also, fuck y’all”. Danny does a dramatic finger snap, allowing his cape, ring, and crown to blink into visibility.
Unsurprisingly the only human who doesn’t jump is Star, who’s wearing the visor. Star blinks, “why’d everyone jump or whatever?”.
Danny chuckles, “take off the visor”.
“Oh”.
#Danny Phantom#danny fenton#fanfic#phandom#Phan Phic#Maddie Fenton#giw#guys in white#valerie gray#Dash Baxter#fright knight#Ghost King! Danny#mr. lancer#star#kwan#have a fic suck my dick#phantomphangphucker#my writing#let Danny say fuck#not a fieldtrip fic#into the ghost zone#amity park#amity is dannys lair#ghost king danny
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remember this? it’s my Ketzedon fairytale about death marrying Ruby and Opal, the goddesses of stability and change. I recommend you read or reread it before you read this post, which is part 2
ruby, opal, and death have children. this is something of a complicated process, as death cannot make living things and ruby does not seem capable of making new things at all, but they persist.
opal is eager and hungry for this, but scared to do it alone. things she does totally alone tend to go off the rails in short order.
there are different stories about how opal came to be pregnant. some of them involve death making a miniature man that opal managed to make live for only a day, only as long as she could combat that much entropy. some of them involve straightforward infidelity with a human man. some stories suggest that her third-born child Coin figured it out, and figured out how to make it retroactive, only born last because retroactivity is a bit fiddly.
ruby, for her part, cannot get pregnant, but she stays close beside her sister for months and months. she fusses over her extravagantly, leaving her side only to bring her rare fruits and herbal remedies for the various unpleasantnesses of pregnancy. she talks her sister repeatedly out of smiting down all the humans there are in fits of pique. she has grown used to humans and likes them.
death is busy with the business of death, but happy to be a father, regardless of precisely where the baby came from. he takes to asking the humans he meets questions about childcare. they are generally bewildered by this.
opal’s firstborn is born very late and a bit strange. they borrow a human midwife for the occasion, one who does not easily fluster.
“is he perfect?” opal asks, when the baby is finally born. she is very tired now.
“he’s very big.”
“good! right, good?” opal is beginning to feel anxious.
“humans do this every day,” ruby says breezily. “he’s fine. you’re fine.”
“be careful. he’s a bit sharp.” the unflappable midwife hands the very large baby to his mother.
“are babies supposed to have teeth right away?” opal asks worriedly. “they’re very big teeth.”
“he’s a big baby, but no, generally they don’t have teeth,” says Death.
“they start getting teeth around six months,” the midwife confirms. “and usually they’re duller and flatter than that.”
“I know what a baby looks like,” ruby says. “I can make him look more like a baby, if you’d like.”
“hmmm,” opal says. “usually it is helpful when you fix things. save the teeth, though, in case he wants them back later.”
ruby dutifully puts all the teeth in a little box. “do you want him smaller?”
“no, I don’t think so. he’s just going to get bigger again, right? I went to all the trouble.”
ruby hands the baby back and opal commences to nurse him, a task made easier by the removal of the thirty-two rather large and sharp teeth previously in his mouth.
they give the baby a handful of names, just in case. fang is one.
he is a rambunctious and quick-tempered child. he breaks things and spills things. his mother and aunt are indulgent with him. he is four, (or something like four, time is different for them), when he finds the little box of teeth.
“did you get these from a tiger?” he asks his aunt, who often watches him when his mother needs to go on her own adventures. he roars. he has a very impressive repertoire of animal noises, very authentic.
“no, little fang, little fierceness, I got them from you when you were very new born.”
“you took my teeth away!”
“you needed to be fed. you would have maimed your poor mother.”
“I want my teeth back!”
“ask your father.”
“he’s off with the dead people. and mama’s on an adventure. I want my teeth.”
ruby sighed, but she was indulgent and so, she knew, was her sister. she returned little fang’s teeth to his mouth. he was very proud of them. when she returned, opal was proud of herself for having the foresight to save them.
but her baby was big now, big enough to demand his own teeth. she decided on a second baby, won over first ruby and then death to the idea. conceived the same way she had the first one, whether it involved miniatures or infidelity or some trick of her not-yet-born third baby.
the second baby is a source of some contention. opal wants a girl very much. she loves little fang with his fierceness and rough-and-tumble play but thinks two of them like him might be a little much to handle. fang, of course, wants a brother.
“we’re both girls and couldn’t be any more different,” ruby says. “besides, maybe you’ll have a boy that takes after his father, fastidious. anyway, they’ll be born the way they’re born.” she refuses to put forth a preference. nobody asks Death and he is relieved not to be asked.
the baby is born early and very small, a girl.
“oh dear,” opal says. “how small is too small?”
“usually, that’s too small,” says the unflappable midwife, who has been hastily fetched. “usually, that small and this early is a problem. not necessarily insurmountable, but tricky. that’s humans, now. can godlings die?”
“I’ve seen babies that small more than once,” says death worriedly. ever since little fang he has been a bit emotional about taking babies and gone rather out of his way to avoid it, but sometimes a thing must be done.
“give me the baby,” ruby says. “I told you before, I know what babies are supposed to look like.”
she gives the baby back a few minutes later, somewhat bigger.
“she’s still small,” opal says.
“babies are supposed to be small. her brother was unusually big,” ruby says.
“yes, but could you make her maybe just a little bit bigger?”
“no. some things are just small. she’s got smallness the same way her brother has got fierceness. do you want me to fix those feet, though?”
“oh, they don’t need feet until they’re a bit older, do they? fang wanted his teeth back as soon as he found them. we should wait until we can ask her for permission to fix her feet.”
ruby huffs, but her sister has the final say when the baby is this new and small.
fang is thoroughly disappointed. she’s so little! she can’t run or chase or play.
“she was always going to be little,” ruby says. “you couldn’t even crawl til you had been around a while and you were three times as big as her, at least.”
“I wanted a brother.”
“you got kin,” ruby says, and that is what the baby is named, Kin, though mostly she gets called Little One, Little Sister, Little Daughter.
kin is a quiet child. she learns first to crawl and then, surprising everyone, to walk, though her walk is wobbly and slow. she refuses to have her feet fixed.
“they’re my feet,” she says. “fang got to keep his teeth.”
fang decides he loves her, even though she is quiet and doesn’t move much. he loves her because she is his sister, his kin. he romps around her and teaches her animal sounds from his impressive repertoire.
she loves the workroom with her father’s miniatures, which little fang never took much interest in. she follows her father around, slowly.
when she gets a little older, he takes her with him when he needs to bring little children to the land of the dead. he still does not like to do it, but now the children have someone to chatter with as they travel, and she seems to put them more at ease. on the way back home, he disguises himself and little kin as humans and goes into towns to buy her the world’s different sweets. he has no difficulty carrying her. she stays little, even as she grows.
by the time opal decides on a third baby, fang has taken to objecting to being called “little.” he is still young, maybe ten or eleven by human reckoning, but taller than his father, his mother, her sister. he wears his hair long and smiles toothily. little kin is still little, maybe six or seven, newly occupied with cheering and consoling the dead children, a task she loves and not just because of the candy after. she is friendly, gregarious, eager to meet other children.
“are you sure?” ruby asks, a little skeptical.
“there’s one more. I feel them. I dream about them. there’s one more.”
“well, if there is then there is,” death says obligingly. and they repeat whatever they do to conceive again.
the unflappable midwife has long since died, but opal will have no other, and it is an easy thing for death to fetch her.
“this is miserable, why did you let me do this?” opal wails, and ruby squeezes her hand, wisely does not remind her whose idea this was.
the third baby is perfect. there is nothing for ruby to fix. they have ten fingers and ten toes. they have no teeth at this juncture. they have a light fuzz of dark hair and bright, curious eyes.
fang wanted a brother and kin wanted a sister, so neither of them is particularly pleased or disappointed. kin kisses the little baby on their forehead. fang sings a little birdsong, the gentlest sound he can make.
“what’s their name?” ruby asks her sister.
“coin,” opal says. “they told me in a dream.”
that settles the question.
three children is a lot to manage. opal leaves for her adventures as soon as the baby is weaned, reappearing periodically with presents and stories. sometimes death takes kin with him, and he makes time to spend with the other two, but as usual the bulk of the childcare falls to ruby. fang becomes a teenager while baby coin learns how to walk.
kin, meanwhile, from watching her father, learns to take herself down to the mortal world. she wants to meet other children and there are none in the land of the gods besides her dumb brother and the baby. she loves them, of course, but it gets lonely being eight years old and best behaved, so she decides to be no longer the latter. when ruby is chasing fang or the baby, kin quietly disappears herself and brings herself to parks and beaches and temple schools and city streets, everywhere children congregate.
time is strange between home and the world and sometimes kin manages to be gone for days before her aunt, quite flustered, finds her and drags her home. she is a bright and resourceful child, even if her gait is slow and wobbly, and she usually finds her own way and makes hew friends. no amount of scolding will stop her.
then fang learns to copy her. he goes to the world, but not so much the places where people are. he makes friends with wolves and bears, lions and tigers. he has no interest in people outside of his immediate family. ruby is always going off to find them, one or the other or both having disappeared, wearing coin strapped to herself.
opal, of course, thinks fresh air and a little independence is healthy. ruby wants to attach all three of them to leashes, even the teenager. instead, she calls her own parents, the earth and the sky.
“three children is a lot to manage,” she says. “fang is old enough to apprentice to somebody, but he has no interest in the world of people.”
“we are only marginally interested in the world of people,” the earth and sky say. “we can teach him things he might enjoy learning. is two easier than three?”
so ruby, with her sister’s permission, sends the oldest godling off to his grandparents until he is ready to be a responsible adult or until they get sick of each other, whichever comes first.
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Unexpected News || ST. BASS
Julian was looking at nowhere in particular as he hung up the phone, his hand moving down slowly until it finally rested on the kitchen counter, along with the phone itself. He had arrived particulary early that day, having vowed he would do a further research from home on the current case they had open. It was right in the middle of making dinner than he had received that call, and his mind snapped out of it when his eyes fell on the ticking clock on the kitchen wall. Jesse should be home soon, or so Julian hoped. He finally stood up and started pacing between the kitchen and living room, back and forth, his hands held together at the back of his neck.
Jesse hummed to himself as he strolled up to their front door, slipping the key in the lock. He'd stopped by in the village after school and grabbed a bottle of wine for the two of them, and decided to walk back to their house from the town. It wasn't fair, and it was a nice walk, one that really made him remember the pure beauty of where they lived. He pushed open the door, not seeing the kitchen straight away. "Babe! I bought some wi- what's wrong?" He said, his demeanor changing the second he saw Julian, as he could tell something was wrong. He set the bottle aside and stepped up to him, fearing the worst. Although it had been a long time since the war, he almost always thought something of that past life would come back to haunt them, or specifically Julian.
@slytherinjesse
Julian's eyes were naturally big, and of a blue that would made them look even bigger. But when he was stressed like he was at that moment they got even bigger, and there was no doubt that Jesse saw that as he first walked through the door. His face was somewhat blank, almost without an expression, as if his brain was still processing what he had just heard. "Molly's dead. Her heart... No one saw it coming. She's dead."
Jesse blinked, and stared at Julian for a second too long, and then the words processed in his mind, "what!? Oh my god, babe... wait. What's going to happen to Camilla?" He stepped up to Julian, and took both of his hands in his, standing in front of him, "we'll fight. If they want to put her in the system away from you or some bullshit, we'll fight. You are not losing the right to see your daughter."
For the first time, Julian was facing one of his biggest fears in life, which was to actually lose his daughter. He knew he wasn't the favorite in Quinn's parents eyes, not after he knocked their daughter up while they were still in school, but after she died, her sister had seen that Julian tried to be the best he could for Camilla, especially after what he had done in the big war, and his marriage to Jesse made her see he was good and settled in life. But with her gone, maybe the child's grandparents would make things difficult for him. "Uh.. um... D-Do you think we need a lawyer or something like that?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I think Imay know a couple down at the office. Someone who's good at both magic and muggle laws..."
Jesse took Julian's hand, guiding him to sit down on the couch, "breathe." He rubbed the back of his hand gently with his thumb. "What exactly did they tell you on the phone? You're her father, you're the automatic next of kin unless you legally agreed upon something else, or Camilla's grandparents could prove you're an unfit father. She visits us regularly, she knows us, she loves coming here. There is zero proof you're an unfit father but if it was at all implied they were going to fight for custody, then ... yes, we may need a lawyer. But worst case scenario, you'll get partial custody. No court of law is going to take her away from you, okay? I won't let them."
Julian followed Jesse to thee couch, glad that he had his hand to hold onto, otherwise he was sure we would had fallen face first on the floor. It was a long time ago that Molly had visited them after they had permanently moved to Italy, so she could see they had a good home for his daughter to visit from time to time. Molly had ended up the one being in favor of him spending more time with Camilla, more than her parents had ever been. "They can't prove that, no. But to them, I'll always be the asshole who knocked up her daughter. They sure know how to hold a grudge. I'm afraid they will sink on this chance with their claws-" he said, his voice soft and almosst defeated. But then it was like the fog inside his mind cleared up a bit, and the first thing he saw clear was Jesse, his husband, sitting there with him and holding his hand. "Fuck that. I want full custody. She's my daughter, and I'll be goddamned if I let those crows take her away from me." He held onto his hand with both of his. "You got my back, right?"
Jesse looked deep into Julian's eyes and nodded, his hand still in his, "one hundred percent. You want full custody? Then that's what we'll get. Quinn's parents can get over themselves... they should be thanking you, Camilla is clearly the best thing that's happened to them. She's an amazing girl, Julian, and when she comes to live here permanently, you can relax. But if you're fighting for full custody, I would recommend a lawyer... maybe there's something in Molly or Quinn's will that helps us. Quinn wanted Molly to be the legal guardian, but maybe there's a clause in there that specified something different. But unless the courts can prove you're an unfit father which they can't because you're not, you're her father. You should automatically be her legal guardian." In truth, Jesse didn't think Molly should have been able to raise Camilla all those years, he always thought she should have been with Julian... but they were young and with everything that happened with the Death Eaters, he was also glad she had a childhood free of that. But now with no weight like that on Julian, it was time for his daughter to come home.
Julian let out a deep breath when he heard Jesse saying that he would support his idea for the full custody. "If we get a lawyer, they could find out about all that, I guess? I mean, what happened to Molly was so sudden... We never even talked about what would happen if something were to happen to her. I guess she never thought something like that-" He sighed and shook his head. Regardless of the fact he was never that close to Quinn's family, he would always be grateful to Molly for taking care of his daughter, especialy through the most recent turbulent times in his life. He leaned back on his seat and sighed again. "I think... we should go to the funeral? Or you think that's not a good idea?"
Jesse gave Julian a small, but cautious smile. He was - of course - confident the courts would award Julian custody over his own daughter, but the one thing her grandparents had in their favour is that they lived closer to Molly, and Camilla saw them regularly. They could try to argue that her moving to Italy would be too much on a young child, and she should stay where she knew. That was really their only leg to stand on. "I think you're right. I think getting a lawyer is the right idea. It's better to be prepared and not need one, than be caught off guard without one. Did you say you have a friend that does Muggle laws too? Do they have the right to practice in the US?" When Julian mentioned the funeral, Jesse nodded, "no, we should definitely go. Camilla loved Molly, you need to be there for her. And Molly was always nice to us, and made sure you got to see Camilla regularly. We should pay our respects, whether or not Camilla's grandparents want us there or not. The right thing is the go, be there for Camilla and Molly."
Julian nodded and chuckled softly. "Babe, I know everyone there is to know at Muggle Affairs over there. And just in case, I'll tell him to direct me to the best lawyer in Muggle Affairs in the US. That shouldn't be a problem. I don't want anyone finding any loopholes in what needs to be done." He looked at him and smiled, then took his hand and laced their fingers together. "Then we are going. Let's pack up light and do this. We should go when it's night time here, that way it'll be the afternoon there, right?" Apollo and Zeus suddenly came running into the living room, apparently in a sort of friendly feud, which was usually to them, and both him and Jesse picked up one of their pets and sat him on their laps. "You guys, your daddies have to go out for a day or two. You two be nice to each other, okay?" Zeus gave a loud bark, and Apollo, apparently couldn't be bothered as much.
Jesse nodded, and stood up, chuckling a bit as Julian spoke to their pets. "Don't worry, Jules, I'll pop back here a couple of times, quickly, to feed them and to make sure they're okay. You won't even know I'm gone." He scratched the top of Apollo's head and the cat sprung off him. He sighed, and shook his head, "standard reaction. Come on, let's get ready. Is the funeral soon?" They made their way upstairs and packed light - as Julian said - just grabbing a couple of things. They did get their suits from the closet, charming them so they wouldn't crease as they folded them up to put them in their expandable bags. When they were done, and all packed up, Jesse suggested they take a nap and try to relax before they had to leave.
Julian put his arm around Jesse's waist as they went up the stairs. "Don't you just love it how independent cats can be?" He flicked his wand and everything he thought about taking landed easily on the bed, where he put everything inside his travel bag. "In a couple of hours, yeah." He looked up at him and smiled, then that turned to a smirk. "Hey, here's a crazy idea... How about we take a couple of hours after that and make a quick stop at McKinley? You know, for old times sake."
Jesse smirked when Julian mentioned McKinley, remembering the last time they went by there. "Mmm... you just want to fuck me in an abandoned classroom again, like the good ol' days." He winked at him, "but yes, I'm down for stopping at McKinley... reminds me of our roots." They'd of course met before they went to school, but McKinley - that was where they fell in love and - despite all the dramas that had come along the way - managed to realise their mutual feelings and start dating and now here they were, several years later, married, owning a business and a home together and it was perfect.
Julian smirked as he zipped his bag closed. "You're saying that as if you didn't love it every time we did it. It's either that, or you were terribly good at the fake moaning thing." He walked past Jesse on his way to the bathroom and slapped the man's ass hard. "It would be fun if we had that shot. But at least we can go and remember more simple times. That should be fun." He grabbed a couple more personal items from the bathroom and put them in his bag, then he walked to the closet and sighed as he looked at all his hung up clothes. "Now, what should we wear to this thing? That's I why hate funerals."
Jesse laughed, "oh, believe me, babe, I loved it. Especially graduation... mmm, good times." His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he remembered the fun they had got up to at McKinley. It had been a easier time, but everything they'd ended up going through had got them to where they were today so he hoped Julian would agree with him that they had come out of it in a better place. Jesse looked at Julian and then gave a single shrug, "I don't know. I already grabbed our suits, I thought we could wear those. Just the plain black ones. I didn't get shirts though, not yet... I think a suit should be okay though?"
Julian walked up to where Jesse was and put his arms around his waist. "Oh yeah.. That was really going out with a bang, huh?" He winked at him and chuckled, then sighed. "Yeah, just one suit is enough. Maybe just a couple of shirts too. And sweaters? I mean, it's still cold over there, right?" He kissed him quickly on the cheek, then went to the drawer cabinet to get some of those. "I think that's pretty much it. Oh! Maybe we could stop by Diagon Alley first and get something for Camilla?"
Jesse made a soft noise of consideration when Julian asked about Diagon Alley, and then nodded. "I think that's a wonderful idea... but do you know what else we should get? Some flowers for Molly's grave of course, but something for her and Quinn's parents... you know what they say, kill your enemy with kindness, right? Make them have less reason to even think about suing for custody."
Julian stopped suddenly on the spot and nodded. It was as if for one second he had forgotten the real reason that was taking them back to the States to begin with. "Yeah. Of course, we could do that... And also for Quinn's grave" he added with a soft, and also sad smile. "How about we look for a bottle of our finest wine from the cellar and take it to them, so they could taste something of what we do here?"
Jesse held Julian's hand and squeezed it softly. "Of course. For Quinn's grave too." As much as he hated Quinn in high school, he knew it had all been pettiness. He'd been jealous of her and Julian, even if there had never been a relationship he'd known Quinn had a massive crush on Julian, and then when he found out they'd slept together ... well, jealous hadn't even begun to describe it at the time. But in all honestly, Quinn hadn't been a bad person. She was a teenager with a crush, and she certainly didn't deserve to die young like she had. "I think that's a fantastic idea, babe." He said with a smile, pressing a soft kiss to Julian's lips.
With their bags already packed, Julian smiled against Jesse's lips and they both headed downstairs, and further down to the cellar, where their wines and also cheeses were stored. He grabbed one that had been aging for about a year and put it inside of a double paper bag. "Okay, that's it. Ready to go then?"
Jesse nodded, giving the place a once over again, muttering a charm to make sure the animals would be feed on their normal regular schedule. He wondered how much would have changed when they returned ... whether or not they'd be planning for a lengthy court battle, or whether or not they'd be planning to bring Camilla home. Jesse hoped for the later, for both Julian and Camilla's sake, but he wasn't entirely sure Quinn and Molly's parents would be that accepting. "Ready," he confirmed audible and, taking each other's hands, apparated to the area behind the Leaky Cauldron, as both an access to it, and Diagon Alley. Although apparating long distances was physically possible (and many non-magical folk question why wizards and witches don't do it all the time instead of taking various forms of transport), it was exhausting and took a toll on the person. From Italy to London for their work and school wasn't so bad, but from Italy to the US would knock them out for a little so it wasn't like they could just return home every evening. "I'm going to go see if they've got any rooms free at the Cauldron, okay? Unless you think Quinn and Molly's parents will let us stay with them?"
Julian held onto Jesse's hand tight, the tug inside of him obvious as they were sucked into the whirlwind that was apparating from place to place, only this time the jetlag from the 5-hour difference hit them all at once. He groaned and rubbed his forehead before he could find his footing again, then chuckled and shook his head. "I'm gonna go with the Cauldron. The latter seems highly unlikely, babe." He put his arm around Jesse's waist and kissed him soundly on the lips.
Jesse smiled into the kiss and then nodded, "okay, come on. Maybe we can have a bit of a rest and catch up on the time difference before we go to Diagon Alley. The funeral is tomorrow, right?" He stepped into the back entrance of the small pub, a home-y feeling hitting them almost instantly. It was dark yet inviting. Sometimes it was easy to forget what the wizarding world was like when you lived amongst Muggles, though since he'd gone back to school at WADA that was less of an occurrence. He went up the barman and asked about rooms, getting a key for one of them and signing in. He lead Julian up the stairs, finding the room with the number on it. It was small, but effective and would do for them until now. Plus, they could look out over Diagon Alley through their window, and Jesse always found that fascinating.
Julian put his arm around Jesse's waist and smiled. "Yes, it is. So that's a good idea. Let's go." A small smile came to his face when they stepped inside of the Leaky Cauldron, memories of years past coming to him at once, both good and bad. Julian walked up to Jesse, who was currently standing by the window, and put his arms around his waist, his chin resting on his shoulder. "What you thinking?"
Jesse jumped a little when Julian's arms slid around him, surprising him. "Hmm?" He turned his head to the side and smiled at him, leaning back in his touch, "just things. It's weird. To watch everybody rush and get through their errands. Look, see that lady going into the bank. She's wearing a black veil. Has somebody died or is she just taking this witch thing real hardcore? Everybody has lives and stories and nobody really stops to take in the moment." He turned around, staying in Julian's arms, so he was now facing him and put his arms around his husband's neck. "I'm just thinking how glad I am we moved to Italy. It really made us stop, and appreciate the moments."
Julian peeked under Jesse's shoulder to look at what his husband was talking about and smiled. "Boy, you really thought about that one, didn't you, babe?" he said and chuckled, then looked at him lovingly as he turned around in his arms. "I'm glad we did that too. Who knew our honeymoon would end up like that, us moving to a whole new country and culture? One that has settled so well with us, hmm?" He sighed softly. "I sure hope we get to have Camilla, in any way... I hope we can get her to live with us... But I don't wanna get my hopes up either. This sucks so much" he said with a huff.
Jesse chuckled softly, "a very... very delayed honeymoon." He remembered when they got married, long before they went to Italy. They had both agreed to call it their honeymoon because they hadn't been since when they had got married it wasn't... the best timing. With everything going on, with Julian and the Death Eaters and the war, they'd got married at the city clerk's office. A shotgun wedding... without a sudden pregnancy. "Don't think like that. Worst case scenario, she continues to come stay with us one weekend a month. She loves coming to visit, and she loves our house and her room. There's no way you're going to lose that... but we can absolutely fight for more and we will, when we come to that bridge, okay? You don't know what Molly had in her will either... maybe she mentioned Camilla's best interests, or who she thought should be guardian. Maybe it'll be in your favour... the courts will have to consider it. And you know she thought you were a good father."
Julian smiled softly and nodded. He hadn't thought about that at all, about Molly having a will, which he wouldn't be surprised if she did. He just hoped she had thought about everything on that matter. "You're right. We'll talk about that when the time comes. Now, how about we go downstairs and get something to eat? I've always loved that soup they made here, though I never had the nerve to ask what's in it." He chuckled and kissed him soundly, his arms wrapped around his waist. They still had a couple of hours to spare before heading to the funeral, plus they still had to go into Diagon Alley to get something for Camilla.
Jesse scrunched up his nose at the mention of the soup, "I think it's beef... I wouldn't be sure though." He took Julian's hand as the two of them headed down the stairs. They sat in the corner of the Leaky Cauldron, both ordering a steaming hot cup of coffee and a bowl of soup each. Something to tide them over, but not anything too much in case there was food at the reception. When their food came, Jesse look down at it and chuckled, "yeah, I still have no idea." He blew softly on the spoon and took a mouthful. The perfect temperature. Warm and soothing, yet not scalding. "Still delicious though."
"It better be" Julian said with a chuckle, then kissed his hand and followed him downstairs to where the tables were, and they took a table at the far end of it, where they were soon given coffee and a bowl of soup. "I think we best leave it to mystery, babe" he said, then winked at him and took a good sip of it, humming as the warm and also familiar taste went down his throat. The place was fairly crowded as usual, so there was a soft hum of chatting happening here and there, and Julian could had also sworn that some of those people were looking right at him. Maybe it was just him being paranoic, but there was no doubt in his mind that most of the people in the magical world would knew who he was.
Jesse noticed Julian glancing around the room, and he looked over his shoulder, catching somebody quickly looking away. He turned back to Julian and shook his head, "ignore them, babe. If they think you're anything less than a hero, they can get fucked. Because that's what you are. Half the wizarding world would be dead if it wasn't for you, and I'm sure they know that." They finished their soups and their drinks, and Jesse stretched out in his chair, "we should go for a wander through Diagon Alley. Gives us enough time to get back and get changed in the suits and get there with plenty of time for you to get to catch up with talk with Camilla before the funeral starts."
Julian smiled softly at him. "Let's hope that's all they think, babe. I can use all the brownie points I could get right now." He finished his soup soon enough, along with a loaf of bread from the ration they ordered, then he leaned back on his chair and sighed, happy to have put some food in his stomach. "That's a good idea. See if we can bought her something. I was thinking that maybe before we head back home we could make another run down the Alley and buy some things to take home. You know... Things from our original home." He chuckled, then stood up and held onto Jesse's hand.
Jesse gave Julian's hand a squeeze and nodded, "that sounds perfect, babe. It'd be nice to bring something home. We should get some ice cream too, before we go. You know there's no better ice cream than Florean's, even if his son is running it now. It's still good... he's guarding that family secret with his life. I think Florean invented a spell he didn't tell anybody about... it's gotta be." He chuckled as they started wandering through Diagon Alley, popping into various stores as Julian looked for something to buy Camilla, knowing they could go to the florist on the way to the funeral, to ensure they had some flowers to lay on the grave, and also give Molly's parents. Jesse didn't want them to have any reason to think negatively of Julian, or at least not more than they already did.
Julian chuckled. "I'm sure he did" he said, both of them already walking the stoney streets that made Diagon Alley what it was. After checking over several stores it ocurred to Julian that his gift for his daughter shouldn't be something too big, or loud, or scary that could make her grandparents frown even more at him, so he entered the library and decided that something from there should do it just fine. In the end, he decided two notebooks with leather covers with magical feather pens that moved themselves when she wanted them to, one for writting, the other for sketching. "You think she would like these'" he asked Jesse, holding both notebooks up.
Jesse looked over at the notebooks Julian was holding and ran his hand softly against the covers of one of them. "They're gorgeous, she'll love them. Especially with the pens too, it's a good choice, babe. And her grandparents can't fault you for buying that." They made their way to the counter and purchased the notebooks, then made their way to the florists and browsed until they found two large bouquets of flowers. One for Molly's grave, and one for her parents as a gesture of goodwill. Once they had both, Jesse looked over at Julian, "was there anything else we needed or are we getting close to having to leave?"
Julian chuckled and followed Jesse to the register. "I'm sure they can fault me for almost anything, babe. But I'm not letting that bringing me down. Not now when I have so much to gain, or to lose." They walked out of the florist and he looked back at Jesse. "Maybe some flowers from Quinn's grave too?" He shrugged
Jesse looked down at the two bouquets they had and felt bad he hadn't even considered Quinn's grave. He'd been so wrapped up in Molly's funeral, and what Molly's parents would think of Julian (and Jesse, because if they were trying to convince the courts they'd be better guardians than Camilla's own father, they would surely bring him into it as well) that he'd almost forgot the circumstances that lead to Molly being Camilla's guardian in the first place. "Of course," he said softly, "some for Quinn's grave too. You're right, I'm sorry." They selected out a third bouquet, and Jesse pointed out a small flower broch, with the same flowers that was in both Molly and Quinn's bouquet, "maybe Camilla would like to wear it, to be connected to them?"
Julian smiled and gave Jesse's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry about it, babe" he said, then they went inside the shop again to get another bouquet. "Looks nice. I think she'll appreciate that" he said, then asked the seller to put that on the check as well. With everything they needed in hand, they headed back to the Cauldron so they could change for the funeral, him dressing in a dark gray ensemble, together with a white shirt. "Ready?" he asked him once they were both done.
Jesse nodded, giving them both a glance over. Their outfits were understated and sombre, an acceptable combination for a funeral. "Ready," he replied in confirmation, taking Julian's hand, the flowers and everything else they were bringing in their other hand. "Let's go." They apparated to just outside Quinn and Molly's parents house so they could enter on foot and not just appear inside their home. Jesse squeezed Julian's hand, "you got this, babe. We're here for Camilla and Molly. And if they try to get a rise out of you, ignore them, okay?"
Julian held onto Jesse's hand just in time to feel that strong tug in his stomach, and when he blinked again he was outside the Fabrays house. He couldn't remember the last time he was there, it had been that long. He took a deep breath and looked at Jesse, his hand still holding onto his husband's, and he offered him a playful wink. "I'm the best one at that, babe" he said, then they walked the short distance to the door and gently pushed it open. The house was already filled with people who were talking quietly and coming and going, some of them known to them, some others not. Julian's eyes scanned the room to see if he could see Molly's parents, but a soft, yet loud voice sneaked on him from behind. "Daddyyyyy!" Julian turned on the spot, just in time to catch Camilla in his arms, and he picked her up and held her tight against his chest. "Sweetie!" he said, kissing her head maye a dozen times, then he pulled his head back and smiled at her. "By Merlin, you're growing more beautiful every day, how's that possible?" Several faces turned to look at him when the little girl made it obvious who he was, but he didn't care about that, then at that moment he spotted two people coming toward to where they were. Taking in the small window of peace he thought he might had, he put her back on the floor while she also greeted Jesse, and he took one step forward to the ones who were coming over. "Richard. Frannie... I'm so terribly sorry for what happened..."
Despite the reason they were here, Jesse couldn't stop the soft smile that appeared on his face when Camilla ran into Julian's arms. It was always a beautiful moment to see the two of them interacting because anybody with half a brain could see the amount of love Julian had for the young girl - though she was getting older and older every year. He couldn't believe in just a few years she'd be following in her parents footsteps and going off to Hogwarts. While Julian and Quinn were incredibly young when they had her, they both loved her with everything they had - even in Quinn sadly has less time with her. He and Quinn were never exactly close, but he was sure that - as Camilla's mother - she would have been so proud of the girl Camilla was turning into. He spotted Molly and Quinn's parents - Camilla's grandparents - walking over to them just as Julian put Camilla down and he knelt down, greeting the girl himself, giving her a tight hug. "Hi, sweetheart," Jesse said to her, and then looked up to her grandparent's. He didn't want to interrupt Julian, as he was sure part of the reason that Quinn's parents didn't like Julian was because of the fact he was married to a man, and they didn't think a house with two men would be a good influence. So he let Julian offer his condolences first, and he could later, once the potential awkwardness of that conversation had past.
There was a short amount of time, perhaps half a secod in which Julian did his best to stay calm and prepared himself for what could be an incredily awkward and ugly moment. But he knew that whatever the case was, he needed to stay calm and put together, if he wanted a shot to get Camilla's custody. He snapped back to reality quickly only to see Richard, Quinn's father, offering him his hand. And that was all. It was a strong, yet shaky handshake, which Julian returned just the same. He then turned to see the woman, Frannie, and noticed she had tears falling down her face, and next thing he knew she was pulling him into a hug, which at first proved a bit difficult, since he was still holding Camilla's present in his hand. "I've lost both my baby girls, Julian", she said quietly, still sobbing, and even if they had ever looked eye to eye in many things, that was actually heartbroken, and he quickly handed the package to Jesse, so he could hold the woman properly.
Jesse hung back when he saw Richard offering Julian his hand, perhaps a tentative step forward in Camilla's grandparents realising Julian wasn't a bad person. His face hardened slightly when he heard Frannie's words, though he quickly covered it. He'd like to believe she hadn't meant anything behind them, but he didn't trust the two as far as he could throw them. It would take more than a handshake and a hug at a funeral for Jesse to trust them, after seeing what they'd done to and said about Julian. He didn't doubt their grief was real, it was clear both parents were heartbroken at what had happened, but hr words just sounded like an echo of "I'm not letting you take Camilla too" and until Jesse saw otherwise, he would keep that in the back of his mind. He took the package from Julian and let him embrace the woman, though he didn't pass it along to Camilla, thinking that Julian should be the one to do that.
Julian had never, ever been too fond of Frannie, not even when he and Quinn weren't even... anything, and she would look down on him whenever they crossed paths at McKinley because of his reputation, even more so when she found he got her daughter pregnant. And even now, at that moment when the woman seemed to be in genuine grief, it wasn't a strong hug that he gave her, but a polite, soft one. "I know. I'm sorry that happened" he simply said to her words, then he let go of her and Richard took care of her, and he turned around and crouched down to the floor to the level of Camilla's eye, although she was quickly getting big, much bigger than last time he saw her.
It suddenly pained him to realize just how many first he had missed by now. Her first words, her first steps, her first everything, and he had to put his own selfish need to have his daughter all to himself due to the moment they were at, including Camilla, who Julian knew loved her aunt just as much, as must had been equally distraught. He looked up at Jesse so he could join him down, then he took the package from him and gave it to her. "Here, sweetie. Jesse and I brought you a little something. We hope you like it."
When Julian looked up at him, Jesse knelt down next to him, passing him the notebooks and feather pens, in the gift wrapping the store had done for them. He offered Julian a small smile as the girl took the package from him and looked down at it. It was clear she was hurting, and Jesse couldn't blame her. He'd never had anything against Molly, she was the reason Camilla spent the time she did with them. She knew Julian loved his daughter, and she knew that spending time with each other was good for both of them. "Thanks Daddy, thanks Jesse." She reached forward and hugged them both and once again, Jesse was caught off guard as to how grown up she'd become. He know they had missed a lot in her early years, but seeing her grow into a well spoken child of seven already, and he quietly hoped they would be seeing a lot more of her soon.
Julian smiled when Camilla pulled both him and Jesse for a hug, his arms holding them all together at once too. He had to force himself to pull back and he fixed a blonde lock of her that threatened to fall over her eye. "I hope you like those. That way you can practice you handwritting and drawing before you get to go to McKinley, where you would surely be selected for the best school ever, Slytherin, of course." He winked at her, then looked at Jesse and smiled. The idea of his daughter going to school in a few years, the same school they had gone to was almost too much too phatom.
"But any house is good. Your Mum was a Ravenclaw, you know." Jesse added with Julian mentioned about Slytherin, shaking his head with a smile as Camilla was thanking both of them. "We'll love you no matter where you get sorted." He knew Julian was only joking, and he knew Camilla knew that as well, be he remembered being a kid, and the pressure of being in Slytherin that was on both him and Julian before they went to McKinley... and he wouldn't want Camilla to feel any pressure on what house to get sorted into.
Julian narrowed his eyes at Julian playfully, then nodded as he stood up and gently patted Camilla's cheek. "The Hat will know where you will rightfully belong, sweetheart. And like Jesse said, we will love you, no matter which House you end up with." Camilla seemed happy with that idea, then she ran to show hergrandparents the gift they had just given to her. He moved closer to Jesse and took a deep breath. "How'd you think we're doing so far?" he said quietly and chuckled.
Jesse watched Frannie and Richard's reaction to Camilla showing them, snapping out of it when Julian asked him the question. "Hmm?" He turned to look at his husband and smiled softly, giving his hand a squeeze, "perfectly. I can't believe how grown up she's gotten." Although they saw Camilla more regularly now (and she had a permanent bedroom at their place), thanks entirely to Molly, he was still sometimes taken aback by the fact she really wasn't that small, soft spoken girl he remembered. And personally, he thought she was looking more and more like Julian by the day, except for the blonde hair. That was all Quinn.
Julian squeezed Jesse's hand back and exhaled rather deeply. "Yeah.. Do you think they're serving alcohol in here?" he asked, then looked at him and chuckled. "I was kidding. Let's see where they're serving the iced tea, yes?" He took his hand properly and they both navigated their way through the crowd of people that were in the house. While they were drinking their cool drinks they saw Camilla showing what they had brought for her toa couple of little friends of her who were there, and he felt happy she seemed content with her present. Some time later it was announced they had to go to the church nearby, where the memorial would take place.
Jesse observed the crowds as they sipped on their drinks. Magical funerals were always a sight to see, there were far less traditions than Muggles had. Though the general premise was still the same and of course they were still very somber, everybody did things a little different. When the announcement came that the ceremony would be soon to start, he took Julian's hand and squeezed it lightly, as they walked slowly over to the church with the rest of the attendees. They all filed in and took their seats, ready for it to begin.
There had always been an ongoing joke about Julian not being allowed inside a church when he was growing up, and that if he did he might explode in flames, and he hadto chuckle to himself when he was finally walking down to the aisle to get his seat alongside Jesse. He did stop for a second to look at a picture of Molly that was in display there and sighed. He was genuinelly sad about her leaving.
The ceremony started with a couple of words from the parrish in turn, then after he was done he asked if there were any people present, family or friends, who would like to say something about Molly. A few family members stood up, the parents obviously too sad to even speak. Julian looked at Jesse and smiled, giving his hand a little squeeze before he stood up and fixed his jacket as he took his place behind the pulpit.
"My name is Julian Bass-" There was a murmur around the place when he said that, and plenty fof people there knew exactly who he was, but he didn't pay attention to that. "- and Molly was a good friend of mine, and my husband's, Jesse St. James. We didn't always get along while we were at school together, but as he became adults and saw the things and people that had brought us together, we learned to forgive and forget. We both did. I will always be thankful to her for letting me spend time with my daughter, without any rules or judgement. I owe her that, and I will never forget it. She was a kind person, and I'm sure we will all remember her for that."
He stepped back and came back down to where Jesse was sitting, a single tear running down his face as he held onto his hand again.
Jesse listened to Julian's speech. Normally when his husband spoke, it brought him joy or happiness, but today it was just sadness. Because he was right, Molly had become their friend over the years. She was the reason they - especially Julian - had the relationship they had with Camilla. When Julian returned to his head, Jesse was quick to take his hand, giving it a squeeze, and wiped the tear away softly with the pad of his thumb. He didn't care if anybody had glanced over to them, he just kissed Julian, softly and chaste, "that was beautiful, Jules. I'm so proud of you."
Julian held onto Jesse's hand like an anchor when he returned to the seat, smiling at him when he wiped his tear away, then also against his lips. "Thanks" he said softly, then without letting go of his hand, they both looked ahead and watched the ceremony continue, until it was done and was almost time to go.
As they were about to step out of the church, Julian felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around to see Richard standing there. "Julian, hold on. Will you boys be going back home right now?" Julian quirked a brow at the unusual question, then he looked at Jesse. "Not really... We wanted to stop by McKinley for a short stroll down memory lane before we leave. Why you ask, Richard?" The older man nodded. "Come see me and Judy before you go back to your home, please?" Without adding anymore to that, Richard turned around and left. "Well, that was weird shit. Although-" He took a breath. "- Maybe he just wants the chance to flip me off about having Camilla in person, the fucker."
Jesse stared after Richard and shook his head slowly, as confused as Julian, "I don't know. Maybe Molly left something in her will - you know the laws regarding breaking magical wills, they wouldn't dare, even if they didn't want you to have it." You could contest wills, of course, but the consequences for inadequate handling weren't something the Fabray's would risk, he was sure. Makes me wonder why he wouldn't just talk to us now though." He turned to Julian and gave him a small smile, "I'm sure it'll be fine. And we'll fight whatever they throw at us, okay?" He gave his hand a squeeze, "let's try and forget about it until we have to go see them, yeah?" He looked around for Camilla, so they could say goodbye and that they'll see her soon, before they left.
Julian nodded and smiled, pulling Jesse's hand up so he could kiss it, then they both went to say goodbye to Camilla before her grandparents would take her away for the time being. After holding her tight and promise her they would see each other again soon, he and Jesse walked away a bit and he turned around to look at him. "Ready for a quick trip to the past then, babe?" he asked him and winked, then he held both his hands and the tug in their stomachs came soon before everything turned blurry, and next they saw, they were standing at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. "Welcome back, St. James" he said with a grin.
Jesse groaned when they arrived, shaking his head. At least it had been a shorter trip this time and the apparation feeling quickly vanished. He turned to Julian and grinned, "and yourself, Bass." He remembered running and flying around these grounds, quite often with Julian. "Remember when we used to sneak away to the forbidden forrest? We clearly thought having some time alone," he smirked, "was worth the risk." He laughed and pulled Julian in for a kiss and then nodded towards the castle, "you're not worried they'll kick us out if they see us sneaking around the halls?"
Julian grinned. "Boy, do I remember. I vividly remember one particular good time by the lake side, books and butter beer included." He chuckled when he was pulled for a kiss, one that he returned just as eagerly, then he took his hand as they made their way to the castle. "Kick us out? Why would they? If anything they should be fucking thankful to us." He snickered softly, then when they stepped into the stone courtyard he stopped to look up at the castle, then at the hallways around the courtyard where he remembered sitting thousands of times. There was a slight clench oppressing his heart at that moment, and he didn't even reaize he had stopped moving.
Jesse went to step forward when he realised Julian's feet seem planted to the floor, and he turned to look back at him, his brow creasing in confusion. He stood next to him and followed his gaze, then his eyes found Julian again. "Babe?" He asked softly, "is everything okay? You know we don't have to go inside, right? If you don't want to or you don't feel up to it, with everything else happening today."
Big, green eyes looked up at the building, as he could see through the bricks and the stone. Years of good memories, sad memories, laughter and heartache piling inside his brain like a film. Jesse's voice suddenly came like an echo, and it was then that he seemed to snap out of it. "Huh? Oh, no. I'm fine, babe. It's not that big a deal. I was just... remembering. I think out of everything, you are the best thing that happened to me here, and that cancels out all the bad, right?" He pulled his hand up for a kiss, then kept on holding onto it as they made it through the big castle gates.
Jesse looked at Julian quizzically for a few moments, wondering if he should stop them from going any further. If something else was going on. He chuckled softly at the last part and shrugged, "I don't know. But I like to think that, yes, despite everything that happened here or because of here... it gave me you. Maybe it doesn't cancel out the bad, but it made it worth it." He smiled and squeezed his hand, not letting go, as they went through the gates and to the entrance of the castle. They pushed the large wooden door open together, and he could have sworn the creak sounded exactly the same. As soon as the doors were open, there was a breeze of familiarity hit him, as though they were back at high school again.
Julian smiled at him and nodded. "Damn right it was worth it. Every second of it." He pushed the large wooden doors with Jesse and the moment they stepped inside he looked around and chuckled, the place looking exactly the same as the last time they had been there, which had been the day of their graduation. "Wow..." he said as they walked further in, the people in the paintings on the wall turning to look at them at every step they took. "Talking about deja vu, huh?"
Jesse watched as they past the paintings, nodding at a couple who clearly recognised him, and he them. Some of the people in the paintings took more notice of students than the others. "I know, it's crazy. It feels like a lifetime ago we were students here." He knew they wouldn't be able to go into the common rooms, with the passwords and such, but just walking down the halls was enough to send a familiar shiver down his spine. "Wonder if the food in the great hall is still amazing."
Julian linked his fingers with Jesse's as they walked along the hallways, memories of a time when nothing else cared but acing a test, or just having a good time while they fucked around seemed like a lifetime indeed, like Jesse said. "Much simpler times, eh?" he said with a half heart chuckle, then they were entered the Main Hall. "You're kidding? That was the best part about coming here! They better still have the elves working at it."
Jesse nodded, "I think they do, I remember reading an article in the prophet that they held a protest for the elves rights a couple of years ago. They get paid now, and days off and stuff. But they still prepare the same food. Do you think they'd kick us out if we tried to sneak in and get some food? They probably haven't even got any out right now." He peaked around the corner and froze as he heard a "Mr. Bass! Mr. St James! What on earth are you two doing here." He turned and rubbed the back of his neck, a little sheepish, to see a stern - but by no means angry - looking Professor McGonagall. "Visiting?" Jesse replied, though it was phrased like a question.
Julian rolled his eyes slightly. "They will always have a reason to protest. But if they're already getting paid for their job, I think they should be content by now." He checked his watch and shrugged. "It's almost 11. They must be working on lunch now. Maybe we could sneak into the kitchen and see?" He also froze when he heard his last name called out like that, which usually happened when he was caught doing something he shouldn't had been doing. He had to bite a chuckle when he saw the look on Jesse's face, then he took one step forward, both his hands held at his back. "Hello, Professor McGonagall. We had something to take care of, and well... It made us kind of nostalgic, so we thought about paying a visit. I hope that's okay." He looked down and shrugged. "I suppose you heard... Molly Fabray is dead. We came for the funeral." The woman nodded, looking genuinally sad. "I know. Such a sad thing to happen. How's your daughter, Camilla?" He shrugged again. "Sad, I guess. But hanging in there." He looked at Jesse and smiled sadly.
Jesse returned Julian's sad smile and nodded, turning back to look at McGonagall. "She's a tough kid, takes after her Dad." He chuckled softly, "but understandably it's hard time for everybody, especially Camilla." He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked around the room, "so... is it okay if we have a look around? We promise, we won't do anything." She raised an eyebrow at them, " the day Julian Bass and Jesse St. James don't get up to anything, will be the day I'll have seen everything. But by all means. Though if you do cause any trouble, you'll have me to answer to, understand?" Her stern gaze was enough to make Jesse swallow and nod quickly, "yes ma'am. We promise. Right, Jules?"
Julian had to bite his lip down to stop himself from laughinhg when he saw the look on Jesse's face when McGonagall spoke like that, then he tilted his head to the side and gave her a charming smile. "Come on, don't be like that, Professor. I'm sure you missed us. Tell the truth now." He winked at her, which made her chuckle and shook her head. "We promise, we'll behave... our best" he finished, with a clear smirk on his face.
"Hmm," McGonagall replied, raising an eyebrow, "why do I not believe you entirely. You both can stay but don't forget... I know you're here. If anything happens." She looked at them both and the corner of her mouth twitched up in a smile, before she turned and walked off down the hall. Jesse let out of a breath he didn't even know he'd been hiding, his shoulders slumping almost immediately, "how does she still manage to make me feel like I'm in trouble all these years later," he said with a laugh. "But hey, she didn't kick us out!"
Julian held his hands behind his back until the woman left, then looked at Jesse and chuckled. "You are so adorable. I can't actually believe she still frigthens you this much. Plus, I was right. We did make things a lot more interesting around here." He put his arm around Jesse's waist as they started walking to the stairs that led to the kitchen. "Do you remember that one time we sneaked out of our Common Room after midnight, you, me and Zane, and went down to the kitchen and had that amazing meatball sandwich? That was so cool!"
Jesse scoffed, "she doesn't frighten me. I just didn't her to kick us out because we weren't supposed to be here," he said, though he sounded a little petulant and defensive. He laughed at the memory, leaning into Julian as they walked, "mmm... I remember. It was before we were even together. We nearly got caught walking back to the dorm and we ended up finding the room of requirement and in there was two beds for the three of us. I feel like it was trying to tell us something."
Julian laughed even harder. "Babe, please. She can't kick us out. We don't even go here! Plus, we should be getting lifetime passes to this school after what we did for them. And for all the magical world." He winked at him, then chuckled and nodded. "Oh yeah, I remember. And it did tell us something, other than you and me ending up together. Or have you forgotten how, before we got together, the three os us ended up sharing the same bed more than once for anything but sleeping, hmm?" He wiggled his eyebrows at him and grinned, then pushed the door to the kitchen open. All the elves there turned their heads to look at them and bowed their heads just a bit, except two in the background who didn't seem to want to meet his eyes. "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say those two worked at some Death Eaters house and saw me there" he whispered in his ear.
Jesse didn't point out that by that very definition - they didn't go there - was the exact reason she could kick them out. But he was just glad she hadn't, chuckling at the rest of Julian's answer. "Very true. Without you, we'd all be dead... or worse." He shook his head, trying not to think about it. Without what Julian had done he would certainly be dead. He doubted anybody who fought in the war would have survived. The rest of the wizarding world would have lived, but he doubted it would have been particularly pleasant, with Voldemort running the show. He laughed when Julian mentioned Zane and the three of them sharing a bed, "... mmm... I remember. But I'm glad it was you and I that ended up together, as fun as Zane was - he was never you." Looking at the house elves Julian pointed out, he nodded, "possibly... I heard that they were given the opportunity to work at McKinley. Much better place to work, I imagine."
Julian made a soft 'hmm' sound and nodded. "Well good for them, because they're better off without those awful people." It wasn't news to anyone how many people treated their house elves sometimes, but the things he had seen at some of their houses made him want to punch their owners faces most times, but of course there wasn't much he could do back then. "Hey, all. Don't worry, we come in peace" he said as he slowly took a step forward. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind fix us a plate of food? We have permission from Professor McGonagall."
The elves looked between the two of them with skeptical expressions, but one bowed their head, "of course sirs, if Professor McGonagall says. Please, sit." They sat where they were directed and Jesse looked around the place. He wondered if other students knew the secret of the kitchen... tickle the pear, he remembered fondly. Which was exactly what they had done when they'd entered, as the bowl of fruit portrait was the door to the kitchen. They watched some of the elves start to piece them some food, and then he turned back to Julian, taking his hand in his over the table.
Once it was obvious they weren't in any immediate danger, Julian walked alongside Jesse into the kitchen and sat where they were told to, the smell of the kitchen already making him moan softly. What a sweet memories indeed. He took Jesse's hand and smiled, then two plates appeared in front of them, with what look, and smelled like stew and potatoes, along with a smaller plate of vegetables. He chuckled when he thought back on how they were told always to eat their greens while they were in school, and he smiled. Even after everything, it was a nice thing to think back of. "It's delicious, thank you" they both praised the elves there, who were delighted to hear it, then they went onto doing their work, while Julian and Jesse continued to eat, wanting their visit to McKinley to last at least a bit longer.
Of course, by the end of the day they had to be out of here and on their way to the Leaky Cauldron again, so they could get their things and go back home. But they still had one more stop before all of that. It was early in the evening when they were once again knocking on the door of the Fabrays house, and this time it was the father who opened it. "Richard. You said you wanted to meet us before we go, so here we are."
Jesse wished they didn't have to stop by the Fabray's before heading home, but he knew that apparating back to Italy would take a lot of out of them so making the trip twice wasn't ideal. Neither of them were sure what Robert had asked them back for, but no doubt not showing up would look worse for Julian's case, if it ever came down to that. They were ready to fight for Camilla, and to fight for full custody, and knew they could provide a good life for her, one far away from any stigmas. But he was sure the Fabray's thought that they could provide a good life for her too. When Julian greeted Robert, Jesse stayed quiet, not letting go of Julian's hand and just simply nodding at the man.
The older man nodded, then stepped aside for both of them to walk inside, leading them into the living room. However, Julian didn't feel like sitting down. If there was a band aid to be ripped off, it had to happen quickly. "Yeah, thanks Richard. Um... Listen, whatever you have to say just say it. We have to go back home, and you know we don't even live in this country anymore." The other man nodded again, then took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair before he started talking.
"Frannie is out with Camilla at the moment, because I wanted to talk to you alone. To both of you, actually" he said, gesturing to Jesse, then continued. "We talked about this a lot, and truth is... we're not getting any younger, and there will come a moment when we won't be able to keep up with her. She has her mother's fire in her, and I'm pretty sure there's a lot of you in her too. I can see the cockiness in her eyes every time. Anyway... I wanted you two to know that we want her to live with you. Permanently. And we won't fight you about it. We'd like to see her from time to time of course, but we're giving you full custody, if you still want it, of course."
Julian's eyes went wide like plates as Richard's words sounded in his ears, his brain slowly processing what he was saying. "You're seri-" he begun to ask, almost choking, then he looked at Jesse and chuckled, almost in disbelief. "Yes. Of course we still want that. With all our hearts."
Jesse followed Julian inside the house but also didn't sit down, staying close to Julian's side. He sucked in a breath when he heard Julian speak, the anticipation of what the other man would say in reply hanging in the air. He merely blinked when Richard gestured at him, letting the older man continue. His brow creased in confusion as the words were spoken, and he couldn't quite believe them. If they had been alone, Jesse would have asked Julian to pinch him. Were they... were they really conceding custody to him and Julian? He squeezed Julian's hand and nodded in affirmation to his husband's reply, "yes. Absolutely. We were ready to fight you in court for custody, just so you know how serious we are about Camilla living with us. But I'm glad she won't have to go through all that, watching from the sidelines ... thank you, Richard."
Julian looked at Jesse and smiled, glad his husband had said his piece of mind to the other, and he was sure it was something that had been stuck in his throat for quite some time. "That's right. We're happy it doesn't have to come to that. So... how you want to do this? We can always come back for Camilla in a couple of days, while you guys pack all of her stuff, what'd you think?" Richard seemed okay with the idea, and with that they all said their goodbyes and Julian and Jesse walked out the door. It was only when they were almost back at the Leaky Cauldron when he finally broke the silence. "What- Did that really happen?" He stopped wlking and turned to look at Jesse. "We get to have her?"
While Jesse was so overwhelmingly happy that this was to be the outcome, he was also glad for Richard and Judy to be able to talk with Camilla about it, and have time with her. While the two of them had never seem overly fond of him or Julian, with how they had approached the situation - he was glad Camilla wouldn't have to go through any drama. And they would of course be fine with Richard and Judy visiting or Camilla visiting them, but for them to have full custody... it was exactly what they wanted. He could tell they were both in their own heads, thinking of what this meant. When Julian broke the silence he jumped, but looked at him, a smile appearing on his lips. "I think it did?" His hands found their way to Julian's face, hands cupping his cheeks as he pulled him in for a kiss, "we do, babe... we really do."
Julian looked back at Jesse when he placed his hands on his face, the warmth and gentleness which always was present on his husband's touch only reinforcing the fact that it was all true. "I can't believe it... I mean, I do. Now... But still... wow..." He sighed softly, then pulled him into a tight and warm hug. "Our little girl. Gosh..." He pulled back and looked at him with a soft smile. "We should head back now. There's a lot to do back home, if we want to get ready." Even if Camilla already had her own room for when she was staying over, her actually living there would be a completely different thing. They linked their hands together as they finishied their walk back to the Leaky Cauldron, so they could pick up their things and leave.
Another chapter in their lives together would start soon, and they couldn't be happier about it.
END SCENE.
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But Why Omegaverse of All Things??!
Okay so, recently some minor conversation sparked because of one of my posts regarding omegaverse, and why is it a thing and why it’s so popular. I even talked briefly with one of the people curious about it. Therefore, I decided to give some insight and explanations(?) to maybe why this is the case, once and for all. Obviously, I can’t speak for anyone but myself, however I’ll take the liberty to make suppositions about what might have brought people to like it. So if you feel like you don’t agree with something or the reason behind why you’re into this flaming pile of trash with us is not explained here, feel free to add on to it. After all this is just my humble perspective.
{Where and When it started?}
Well Wikipedia says it all started around 2010 with the one, the only, the massive: Supernatural Fandom. But really this is kind of a trick question, cause Omegaverse didn’t “start” anywhere. Those who have been in the Star Trek fandom might recognise terms like “Pon Farr” and “mating bond”, and those have been around longer than the 2010′s. And these have a striking similarity (if not the same stuff) you might find in ABO works. There are ABO fics dated even before said dates, do it’s not a exactly a precise date we’re looking at here. So yeah, it doesn’t have a clear starting point, and with good reason. We can’t pinpoint it’s origins because ABO it’s a collective of various different aspects drawn from many different places at the same time. We don’t have any set rules to what is and what’s not Omegaverse. You have elements of lycanthropism, sex pollen, vampirism, wolf pack dynamics, mpreg, scenting, soul mating, knotting, etc. The whole shabam! But really no one agrees in anything. We all just have this abstract universal understanding of what Omegaverse is and what is not. The elements present can be tossed in and out without harming the concept in the slightest. It can have all or just a few elements mentioned above and it would be just as valid.
Granted, the “modern version” we know today become more popular and well stablished around 2014/2015 ‘til the current year. And why did this happen?
{Projection}
We are living in very turbulent times recently. Be it in the realm of politics or… yeah politics. But regardless it’s undeniable that some things are changing, be it for the worse or for the better on your perspective one thing is true and will always be: Once shit starts to hit the fan we like to sit in the corner for a while and project our feelings into something. Usually this outlet is fantasy and imagination, which leads to ABO… somehow. “Okay but why daheck Omegaverse of all things?” as the title of this post inquires. Cause let’s be honest, Omegaverse sure is weird. I think (and again this is just my OPINION) it’s because Omegaverse can get you out of the “normally perceived” human world and toss you into something that is different from your reality but still similar enough that you can project your thoughts into. And things don’t “change” in this world, is all kinda the same every time. Omegas are Omegas, Betas are Betas, and Alphas are Alphas. Regardless of gender, of class, of economics, of society, of anything. These things don’t change. And it might give us a false sense of security to look at a society and an entire world where things have a sense of certainty. Yah know… unlike real life.
{Simulation}
Trying to understand how the world works and why B is B and not C is what humans do best and what we have been doing for as long as we can remember. So when you say “Alphas are X, Y and Z” it stimulates your brain to go “but why daheckity heck is that?”, opening a whole new plethora of thoughts about how this fantastical world and the people in it works. This kinda intertwines with the projection part, cause ABO has the “animalistic” side of people presented way more forefront and highlighted than irl. But just like in ABO humans might be capable of rational thought but at the end of the day we’re just glorified animals with a big ol’ brain inside our bone-made-thought-cage known as a skull. Once you start to look at ABO in a “biological sense” some thoughts start to occur to you, such as: “Is this somehow applicable in my life?”, “do humans have similar biological drives like that?”, “Is this nurture or nature?”, “are we really more than animals?”, “how far does our biology interfere with society”, “is society molded around our biological needs or do our biological needs mold themselves around society?”, “how far can our brains interfere with our bodies and vice-versa”, etc.
Just like any other trope and fantastical concept Omegaverse can indeed offer you a valid platform to project and simulate things you might not understand about real life or even about yourself. It proves itself to be a really fun and entertaining process and it also has a plus for getting some biases that might interfere with your judgment out of the way thanks to its huge flexibility. Yes, I am indeed declaring that Omegaverse for all it’s quirkiness and weirdness is capable of provoking thought. You’re welcome, I regret nothing.
{World Building and The Whole DIY Aspect of It}
I think this one is the one that resonates with me the most out of all the reasons. For those who are into world building but aren’t very kin into having to start from the ground up or just aren’t very good at it… BOY Omegaverse has your back, son. Since everyone else kinda already did half the work for you all you gotta do is take the abstract core concept and go full Picasso on it. The liberty omegaverse gives you is unbelievable and the worlds you can build around it can range from small island to a whole galaxy system. Which is very rare for a fanfic/fanart trope. Cause the other most popular AUs are crowded in way more rules and stuff you gotta follow or else people start to poop their pants cause “the wands are made of dragon-heart-strings not scales YOU HEATHEN!”, But all joking and exaggerations aside ABO is really unique in this aspect. You can focus on the biology, fashion, architecture, culture, religion, history, art, music, entertainment, etc. All revolving around ABO. The ammount of things you can explore is simply insane. Crafting a society based around these three dynamics is beyond fun (and I know there are people who make more dynamics aside from these but I’ll stick with the basic ones). And having every person bring something new and crafted completely differently from what you have but having just the same core focus every time you click in a ABO work is really something special on it’s on.
I think D&D players might know this feeling all too well, cause although there are general concepts and stuff that don’t change, you’ll never have the same experience twice and everytime it’s a new different and exciting adventure in a whole new world to explore. ABO is kinda like that but with weird ass human-wolf people instead of classes :v
{RPying and Making New Friends}
This one is not exactly my cup of tea but I’m aware that a lot of people stay in the ABO community for this reason. Since ABO has a lot of material to works with it can be a goldmine for people that are into RPying. Be it with friends or to meet new people, the ABO community is rarely judgemental and is open to pretty much everyone, so it can be lots of fun to incorporate all the aspects you love about ABO into some good time with nice people. I know that @omegaverse-seeker is one person’s blog you can go just to find other people willing to RP with you using Omegaverse. So if you’re interested go check it out.
{Social Commentary}
If you follow me long enough you’ll know that BOY HOWDY do I hold some grudges against this one. But since it happens a lot I feel like it would be unfair for me to not comment on it. Many people use the whole ABO genre to build narratives and push some sort of agenda or just make a social commentary about the real world. And god knows how this drives me NUTS most part of the time, because Jesus is it done poorly 9 times out of 10. Even if it comes as totally annoying and breaks the immersion of things for most part, there are times in which is done well and results into some really interesting and thought provoking stories. Like I said before projection and simulation is a big part of this. So when someone manages to take something as broad as ABO and transform into something that will make you lay down your phone for a while to actually think about some aspects of your life and the lives around you it really is something. Obviously it ain’t gonna be A Clockwork Orange lvl kind of thought provoking. Let’s get real people we’re all just amateur students on the internet no need to overestimate things. But the potential is totally there. The genre allows for this kind of potential to exist. And given the talent, the time and the faith required Omegaverse can bring up some real intriguing questions about our lives and the society we live in.
{Coping Mechanisms}
This one might come off a little risky, cause god knows this site and the word “sensitive” go hand in hand with one another. But even if it sounds a little pretentious (like everything else in this list) I’ll say it either way. Some people might use ABO to cope with some things they are not entirely comfortable with (I’ll not enter into the whole transgender “issue” that is brought up every time someone wants to talk about how terrible Omegaverse is, Okay? That’s a whole can of worms I’m just not willing to open here, and not today… or maybe ever. But I digress. Back to other forms of copying) Some people might use Omegaverse to cope with some aspects of themselves they are still trying to come into terms with. Since within Omegaverse there are three dynamics, each with two genders, and every single one of them with exceptions within exceptions this can be a good outlet for people who might not “fit in” with what they belive they should be. For example a boy who’s more feminine and not as physically strong as his peers might look at ABO and see all the Omegas and Betas and go like “Oh I’m not defective or not as good I’m just different”. Or a girl who’s too masculine and physically strong dispite being a girl (like myself) might look at ABO and go “Oh, I’m not out of place, I’m just more ‘Alpha’-like”. Or “I’m not average. I’m a Beta”, lol @betasverse is gonna kill me for this one.
Generally I don’t encourage this form of coping mechanism, or any form of coping mechanisms by that matter. I personally think that you should face reality as it is and try not to run away from it using short cuts and made up explanations. But if this is what gave you the initial kick or what’s helping you in the process of coming into yourself all the power to you my dude. Just try not to get too lost in it okay?
{Kinks}
And last but not least, you might just be into this sort of stuff. A lot of ABO is not plot related AT ALL. It’s just pure porn without plot and the bliss of dirty-dirty kinks. And Hey what’s wrong with that? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We all got something that turns us on. If yours is people in heat and the whole submissive-dominant, Mpreg or any other things going on in ABO, go ahead children. Have all the fun. And if someone tells you it’s wrong to “fetishize” this or that, just tell them to shove it up their butt. Cause this is a stupid word anyways and what you do in the privacy of your home with yourself or any other consenting person is nobody’s fucking business but your own.
There’s also other things like family Dyncamics you’d like to see incorporated to your ship. Or you think some tropes within Omegaverse are cute and think it would suit your OTP very nicely, etc. But I think I tackled all the main ones already, and if we are to analyse every fucking reason we’ll be here forever. So there you go people. The answer for “but why Omegaverse of all things?”.
If you’re curious about any of the things I said here and want to see them be put in practice I suggest looking up mine and all the other ABO content creators here on tumblr and on ao3. Here’s a master list you can use for the tumblr ones. And here some good ABO fics with interesting concepts as a starting point if you’re new to the whole thing (a fair warning tho, most of them are incomplete and in permanent hiatus).
#omegaverse#abo#alpha beta omega#explaining the whole trope#and fascination with the subject#the why for abo#ptp originals#pack-the-pack answers#pack-the-pack explains
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Rain Tekla: Zeyo Atoel Part II
It was a sleepless night, the first of many she would come to have throughout her life. Young Zeyo’s home was small, like most, herself sleeping in what might be considered a closet in Eorzea. There was no room for pacing here. Instead she just lay on a small flat mattress, holding a pillow against her chest. She had so many thoughts, so many concerns and emotions.
Hormones. That’s what she had heard someone call it. She wasn’t a kid any more. Well, she was and she wasn’t. She was getting taller, stronger and just growing out of her adolescence. A kid, in her mind, was an androgynistic short little person. She was, as her mother had put it, ‘developing’. Blagh. And she wasn’t alone in that regard either. So, too, had Rhom grown. When they had first met, she hadn’t even noticed him. He had just been another face in the crowd, really, but that was easy enough a perspective for someone who was only six years old. To be fair, he hadn’t quite been a ‘he’ back then either. In her village, at least, children were just that, children. They all kind of looked the same, lanky tanned bodies still growing into their ears. It was common courtesy to use the singular ‘they, them, their’ to speak to kids. Zeyo, at the time, had thought herself fully capable of picking out any boys from girls, and so she had copied something an older woman had taught her to call her elder kin. ‘Sister’.
She had been proven wrong.
To think, back then they had been so alike. They were still best friends, no doubt, but they had grown so differently. They could have been mistaken for siblings, maybe even twins at one point. Now they were just, well, different. His arms had grown, his chest had widened, his ‘baby face’ had become more angular. He was beginning to resemble more and more the pictures she had seen of the Wardens. Is that why she had kissed him? Or had it been fear of losing him? Maybe that had just been her instinctual attempt at calming him down.
Feeling down? How bout a big wet one? Panic attack? Pucker up, Buttercup!
Two dozen times she had gone through it in her head. What had happened, why it had happened, and of course, what she was going to do about it. She had promised him that they wouldn’t take him from her, but when she had made that promise, she had no plan whatsoever. The best idea may have been to just sleep on it, get some rest and brainstorm in the morning over breakfast. Instead, she elected to just overthink things and punch her wall in frustration.
As morning sunlight crept through her little window, Zeyo had her plan ready. It may not have been perfect, but it certainly sounded better than exiling herself from the village. She could never leave this place, it was her home. Her friends were here, her family, her entire life. For breakfast she helped herself to a large strip of dried seasoned meat, then ran outside. Up above, a familiar hawk cried out before descending towards her, landing on a little stone perch. At that moment her mind went back to an old teacher, Vjnne. She couldn’t recall if, historically, hawks were part of the natural ecosystem, or something that had been brought to her people hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago. Rhom could have told her. He had always been the better listener.
The hawks made for great scouting companions and messengers. This one, named Hawkje, belonged to Rhom’s family, and held a little rolled up note in it’s claws. Zeyo took the letter with one hand and stroked the feathered friend with another, her heart sinking.
[ Dear Zeyo,
I wanted to say goodbye. You’re the best friend that anyone could ever ask for, and I love you. A Warden came to see me last night. Not just any man from the jungle either. He says he’s my sire. My father. I don’t know how to feel about that, but he tells me that he can teach me to be strong. He says we have a long way to travel, so we’re leaving at daylight. I don’t want to, but I don’t have a choice. I’m really scared, but know that I’ll always be thinking of you. It might be a very long time before we see each other again. I have too much to say, and he keeps looking at me like he’s ready to walk out in the middle of the night. I don’t want him to see me cry, so I’m trying to suck it up, but you know me. I can’t help it. Sorry.
I wish I could have said goodbye in person, but for men, companionship and dependability is a crutch. Apparently. Love, Rhom ]
Zeyo read the letter twice, still stroking Hawkje. Her heart began to beat faster, her respiration began to stagger and the inside of her throat felt very cold and tingly all at the same time. Before her panic could get the better of her, she steadied her breathing, swallowing her emotions and physically calming, as she had been taught to do. She had come up with a solid plan through the night, and while it was still solid, it had now changed.
--
Sister Crjn, or as some of the li’l brats called her ‘Old Lady Crjn’, had been preparing for another sparring day for the children. Truth be told, sparring day was usually a cover. It was her ‘take it easy’ day, her recovery day. Any time she had spent the night drinking too heavily, and some mornings even, she would just tell the kids it was sparring day. In that way, she could just sit down on her ass and watch the younglings beat the hells out of one another with wooden training swords, staves, or whatever else she had decided to ‘teach them’ that day. She wasn’t particularly hung over today, at least not like she had been the day before. She was just having a ‘twofer’. Sun in and sun out she was trying to beat her head against those of the kids’, hoping to impart at least a fraction of her knowledge unto them. The stress of administering such higher learning meant that she was entitled to a few sparring days every now and then, right?
And that had been the idea when she had rolled out of bed that morning. Get up, grab a bite to eat, get ready to call another ‘sparring day’ and then pull some kind of lesson out of her ass before class time was over. That had been the plan until she saw what was waiting for her within the training grounds. Her kids, most of them anyroad, had already beat her there, and were standing around in a circle. In the middle was a single child, hands on their hips, waiting for her. Had she slept in? She had to take another glance up at the sun. Nope, same time as usual. Everyone else had just arrived early. Trying to mask the surprise on her face, she took a breath and resumed her cool flat expression.
“Sister Crjn, I’m callin’ you out.”
Immediately Crjn’s eyes squinted and her fists balled up. This was not a case of eager students ready to learn. This was one idiot kid looking to get their jaw broken. This was a trial. She never broke stride, pacing her way to the interior of the ring. The little brat calling her out wasn’t even of age. Zeyo was, twelve, thirteen summers old? Most of the ones who challenged her for the first time were nearer twenty. A moment of weakness caught the old veteran in her soft spot as she dug her right pinky nail into a long floppy ear. Not once had she ever allowed someone to take back their challenge, but seeing as this was her favorite student of the semester, mayhap even, well, ever.. “I must have misheard you, runt.”
Zeyo stood her ground, tall and proud, the expression on her face quite serious. This was usually the girl who was always smiling, always playing, teasing, making jokes. This was a complete change in attitude, and Crjn knew exactly why. The little pacifist had been taken away, likely. That burned her up a little, knowing that she was responsible for preparing them. If her children failed, so too did their teacher, in Crjn’s mind anyroad. And now here Zeyo would present her with a second failure. It was disheartening, but Crjn would see the job done.
“You’re too early, summers too early. Let all of your peers gathered before you make judgement of your actions here today. You are a fool to take the trial now, but words will no longer alleviate you of your predicament. If you want to bow out, kneel now and say nothing, save yourself a few broken limbs.”
“My name is Zeyo of Atoel, I am thirteen summers old and today I challenge you for the right to become a proper woman in the eyes and respect of the village.”
Crjn stepped outside of the ring, students with expressions a mixture of both fascination and horror parting out of her way, as if any one of them could somehow be roped into what would surely be the beating of the century. She made her way to a small wooden table, pulling back a weighted cloth to reveal a variety of weaponry.
“Choose any one single weapon to defend yourself.”
Crjn didn’t need to reach for anything on the table as she made her way back to the inside of the ring, the kids closing in behind her to fill the gap. From her back she unsheathed a well worn albeit sturdy wooden staff. She pointed the tip forward towards Zeyo, then spit a bit of morning gravy into the dirt between them.
Zeyo, too, reached behind her back, only with both hands. After a few seconds, she nodded to her teacher, then brought both palms forward. One remained empty, the other wore a hardened leather glove that extended and tied to the forearm. “I have selected my weapon.”
Crjn gritted her teeth as she stared at the little shit. She was racking her brain, trying to remember Zeyo’s family history, what grades she held with each weapons category, and her survival and tactics scores. This didn’t add up. Regardless, Crjn would approach this challenge as she had each one before. She would treat her opponent as her enemy, straying only from fatal blows. There would be no held punches here, and for the audacity of challenging her at such a young age, there would most certainly be broken bones. Nodding her head in return to Zeyo, Crjn spun her staff once, it’s weight balanced and familiar in her hand. “Begin!”
--
This was it, this was for Rhom. Zeyo exhaled, concentrating on her breathing as the much larger weapon spun her staff on the opposite end of the fighting ring. Her teacher had at least a hundred ponze on her. She was taller, stronger, had better reach, and a hundred and fifty years more experience. Still, none of that mattered at this moment. This was the only way to be with Rhom, and so she would not fail. As soon as Crjn roared out to ‘begin’, Zeyo cried out as loud as she could, “Hawkje, to me!”
She held her arm out to the side, stiff as she could make it, knowing that should the hawk not heed her call, it was over. Crjn, for her part, took a cautious step forward, gauging Zeyo as a serious opponent. Zeyo’s nerves rattled for a moment, imagining her own brains being splattered against the dirt, her friends and family shaking their heads. Poor Zeyo, she had such potential, but she was such a dumb girl in the end.
Weight landed on her outstretched arm in the form of the morning messenger. Zeyo had no training with animals, and had never once tried to command her friend’s bird. Perhaps it was destiny, kindred spirits, empathy or something magical. Whatever it was, the beast had come to support her.
“Hawkje, kill.”
Purple eyes locked onto her target as she threw her arm forward while giving the command. This wasn’t Crjn any more. This was an obstacle to overcome, and something she would not survive if she didn’t give it every onze of her being. And as if the pair had been training together all their lives, the hawk flew from Zeyo’s leather gauntlet, launching like a bullet straight forward.
Crjn’s reflexes were too slow, her staff narrowly missing the bird of prey as its talons ripped into the viera’s cheeks, tearing flesh with ease. Blood sprayed both Viera and hawk as they battled one another, the blunt end of Crjn’s staff coming back up to defend herself, knocking into Hawkje and batting him to the ground with a heartbreaking screech. Her brown skin now painted crimson, peeled like curled pencil shavings in strips on either side of her face. She swung her staff around, hoping to catch the little shit, but her target was already gone.
As quiet as she was swift, Zeyo had made her way around to Crjn’s blindspot. As soon as the staff swung, perhaps expecting an attack from the side, Zeyo dove forward. From behind her teacher, she wrapped her arms around Crjn’s waist, kicked at the back of her leg, then pulled back using her own force in conjunction with the momentum of the staff swing. As the larger woman fell back, Zeyo spun, allowing her teacher to bite into the dirt as she pinned her to the ground.
If the two had been the same size, Zeyo would have had her right where she wanted. Unfortunately, even on her belly, her face torn to shreds and bleeding, Crjn was far from down and out. She spun around, and using her longer arms, elbowed Zeyo in the nose. Zeyo’s grip loosened as the gang of school kids heard the morbidly satisfying crunch of broken cartilage. For Zeyo, the world went red for a few seconds, pain erupting in her face. That was nothing, however, compared to the blunt of the staff crashing against her head.
As soon as the staff made contact, Zeyo’s vision went black, her head cracked on one side, the ground rising up to meet her other. There she laid, bleeding, her head pulsing, blood matting her hair from the point of impact. It might have been over there and then, had she not heard the sound of the hawk’s cry. Willing herself to keep going, Zeyo’s eyes opened and she stood back up, breathing through her mouth.
In front of her, Crjn battled Hawkje once again, this time the hawk’s right talon getting stuck in the corner of the teacher’s eyelid. In a sickening display, the eyeball popped right out of its socket in a splatter of blood and tears, still hanging on and dangling, fastened to nerve endings. Whatever empathetic chord the gore struck amongst the other students, Zeyo was immune. In a ferocious scream, Crjne swung her staff down diagonally against the bird, snapping its neck in one swift vengeful maneuver. Again, Zeyo took her opportunity. As soon as the staff was used, Zeyo dipped back into close quarters, palming Crjn’s chin up with one hand, then punched her in the throat with the other.
The muffled coughing noise the older lady made had the circle of students close in. She was gurgling, choking, yet still Zeyo didn’t stop. As Crjn went to reach for her own throat, her grip on her weapon loosened just enough to allow Zeyo, both hands now wrapped around the midsection of the staff, to pry the thing loose. Backing away from Crjn’s blindly clawing free hand, Zeyo stepped to the side, then swung the end of the staff against the back of her teacher’s head with enough force to lay her into the dirt.
Not taking any chances, Zeyo raised the weapon above her head, something primal within her rising and manifesting as a scream. That’s when a hand stopped her staff from caving Crjn’s head in. Snarling, Zeyo’s upper lip trembled in rage, the blood pouring out of her nose now covering her teeth and filling her mouth with the taste of copper. Meeting her gaze was her own mother, holding back the attack with a single hand.
“This is over.”
Like a rabid dog, Zeyo didn’t want to unclench from her weapon. Sound returned, something she hadn’t noticed had somehow faded away. There was a boom of cries, some astonished, some joyous. The world was dizzying to look at, the edges of her vision now black, the pain in her head now sharpened, akin to a knife wound. As her fingers let go of the staff, she reached to the wound under her hair, wincing as it burned at the touch. As she took a step, it felt as if the earth beneath her feet was moving away from her. She stumbled forward, kneeling and catching herself with a single hand reaching out to touch the ground. As she tilted her head up, black sticky bangs obscured much of her vision, but she could make out two women addressing Crjn.
“Yeah. It’s over. I win.”
No one rejected her claim. These trials usually ended in a bloodbath one way or another. Ferocity was not just encouraged, it was necessary. While her ‘weapon’ had been unorthodox, it had not been against the rules. No one had ever challenged Crjn with a hawk, but they had been used in combat before by other villagers. In fact, Zeyo had originally planned on just using one of the wooden practice swords until Hawkje’s arrival that morning. She knew now that had she tried with any other weapon, she would have failed.
Thinking of the bird, her eyes turned towards it’s feathered corpse, only a few short fulm away. What had she expected to happen, that it would get in a few licks then fly away home intact? She certainly didn’t know she was sentencing it to death, or she never would have used him. How would Rhom take that news? Rhom! Hawkje deserved a decent burial for its service to her, but right now Zeyo had more pressing matters.
As the crowd of children, now dotted with curious adults, circled Crjn even closer, no one seemed to notice the victor of the trial slip away. No longer a child, Zeyo was now independent and free to do as she pleased with the respect of her people. She was a woman, as much an adult as even the eldest of the villagers. And with that newly gained freedom and reverence, she fled to the jungle.
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“Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:
1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.
2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.
3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.
4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.
5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.
6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.
7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.
8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.
9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)
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