#i dont have mommy issues but i dont want to make people who are sensitive to conflicts with mothers uncomfortable by coming across this

[throwmebacktotheabyss]

i swear to God I love my mama but I can't stand being around her for too long. The second the mask slips it's all over. I wish she would just fucking recognize my pain and understand that I am MEDICALLY DISABLED, there are things I simply CANNOT do. I'm not weak or lazy or a pessimist for realizing those limitations on myself and being gentler with myself. This condition is a PART of me and it's not going away! I've learned to manage it but fuck for her it's like even my best management methods designed by a TEAM of doctors isn't enough! It's me taking the easy route! It's me relying on toxic artificial stuff instead of putting in the work to "rise above"! I AM EXTREMELY PSYCHIATRICALLY DISABLED AND THERE'S NO CURE AND I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN sorry that's not enough! Sorry I'm not the hard working pre-hospitalization perfect savant that I was anymore! I can't even bring UP my condition without her refusing to acknowledge it as a part of me that will not go away. This shit goes way beyond script failure at this point. I already feel so fucking inhuman and a failure already, but it just doubly hurts that someone who says she'll support me thru anything just can't do it right. It's been years. I haven't even seen any effort, that's the worst part. When my little brother has more visible symptoms of his disability, she reorients her entire world view and lifestyle to accommodate him. But me? No. I'm grown and I've always done well in school and I'm able to 'function' so it's not like it's the same level of earth shattering. It's not like I'm ACTUALLY disabled bc the child she raised who was always so articulate and social and got all those rewards couldn't POSSIBLY be so DETERIORATED to be DISABLED. No, me being this way, in her mind, is me still being in 'survival mode' after a 'psychotic break.' IT HAS BEEN YEARS. why can't she just understand that and not make me feel like shit for it? Why am I any different than him? Just bc I behave differently? Is it bc my condition is so much more unsightly? Is it bc my diagnosis is "my own fault" whereas he was born that way? Why does she have to frame everything I do as either 'losing to' or 'overcoming' my chronic condition? Why can't I just be someone who has it who has reduced functionality? Why does she still want me to overcome it so I can go back to my same level of productivity and success prior to the months of intense and traumatic medical care? Why can't I just be a disabled person who is trying their best why am I so broken and less valid in her eyes bc I wasn't 'born this way'?

[crguang]

hiii I have a request for an nsfw fic (or it can also be a headcanon. Whatever suits you best ^^) about black swan with a mommy kink (sorry, I'm a lesbian with mommy issues and I love black swan a lot 😞)

(and also sorry for the bad english of the translator 😭😭)

i chose to go the headcanon route for this one, thank you for requesting this! do not apologize i am just like you. it’s himeko for me but i can totally see why you’d go for black swan for this hdjdjfjgk

i’m getting a little hot just thinking about it, my goodness. black swan is so gentle. she’s often perceived as a warm person with a great listening ear and it’s ridiculously effortless to feel at ease when she sounds so sultry and relaxed. her first time with you, she wants to map out your body, feel you under palms until she can picture the entirety of it when she closes her eyes.

her lips softly trace patterns from your jaw to your collarbone; her touch is reverent and steady, she has an enormous amount of patience at her disposal and you’ll just have to let her have her way with you. she tastes your skin like she’s never been in this position before, like she’s never found herself above such a beautiful specimen, so she takes all the time she can afford to feel every inch of you.

she’s especially fond of the little sounds that escape you, she loves knowing how much she affects you and you just sound so cute with your breathless gasps and soft sighs of pleasure, she can’t help being a bit greedy. you can hear her low chuckles whenever she finds a sensitive spot on your skin and brings her mouth to it, teasing it with a graze of her teeth, and you try to muffle noises that are begging to be heard. she purposely trails up the inside of your thighs while she’s kissing your neck, manicured fingertips brushing the edges of your underwear, just to hear those pretty sounds out your mouth.

i dont think the mommy kink would take her by surprise at all, which is a little funny. if it spills from your lips absentmindedly and you get flustered over it, she’d just chuckle and coo at you a bit: “what was that, sweet girl? go on, let me hear it again.” she’d coax you into repeating yourself by gently rubbing circles into your hip and kissing the underside of your jaw. she feels immense satisfaction as your quiet voice hits her ears and rewards your obedience with a languid kiss on your lips <3

black swan knows the effect she has on people. she uses it to her advantage all the time, but when you call her mommy she feels so valued, a little shiver runs down her spine. she wants to hear it again and again and again, until your vocal chords are hoarse and you can only brokenly call out for more of her touch between your legs.

talks you through your orgasms. she finds that you’re more responsive when she encourages you with a low “just like that, darling…” or “you’re doing so good, taking it so deep…” her eyes never leave your face as you teeter on the edge, she drinks in your every quiver and shudder with a hungry gaze. if her mouth is free, she likes to muffle your pleas with a kiss and feel your breath as you stammer “m-mommy…” into her mouth.

praise comes so easy to her and she has a whole roster of pet names ready to be used; sweet girl, sweetheart, darling, my dear, lovely, pretty… they fly past her lips without her needing to think about it. her praise is usually what pushes you over the edge and she’s very smug about the fact that she can make you come with her voice. who wouldn’t when she sounds this sexy as she commands you to “come for mommy, sweetheart.” ? my throat is so dry right now.

black swan gets so, so wet out of pleasuring you, be good and return the favour, won’t you? it doesn’t matter how, though she does have a particular affinity for your mouth. grinding her cunt onto your tongue is a surefire way to make her come hard, and her moans are the hottest sounds. she loses herself in breathy praises and needy moans, fingers in your hair keeping you between her parted thighs, and she thinks you look like such cute puppy as you lick her enthusiastically, desperate to please her. she’ll repeat broken sentences of “so good— you’re making mommy feel so good—” over and over until she’s creaming in your mouth <3

aftercare is a very soft affair. she lets you catch your breath while she gently kneads your thighs or runs her hands down your back, making sure you know how good you did for her and how much you’ve affected her with sweet murmurs into your cheek. she runs a bath/shower for you and smiles wide if you ask her to join you. she washes your back and takes the moment to record your glistening skin into her memory. she changed the sheets and makes sure you’re comfortable and warm before taking you into her arms, your head on her chest, and humming you to sleep while tracing your shoulder blades. swan is very, very warm in general and it’s really nice to be cared for by her.

[libbee]

Astro observations (October 2022: part 2)

Different people in one family deal with emotions differently. They should have expectations depending upon their own nature and emotional sensitivity. As an example, my mother is 1st house Libra stellium with sun while I am 7th house Taurus sun with 8th house moon and venus. This combination makes me deeply emotional, dependent and not assertive/center of attention. I can sit with one conflict for months while my mother doesn't like conflicts and runs from them.

Sun in 1st house mom + sun in 7th house daughter. What would you guys think about this? Engulfment, identity merger and dependency issues arise in daughter. Daughter needs to develop her own self esteem and confidence. Spend sometime away from mom ideally to become emotionally independent.

Saturn in 5th house makes childhood household restrictive, controlling and strict. Parents didn't like to give freedom of choice and agency to child. Parents acting like they know what's right for child and imposing their decisions on child. Parents can also be interfering in child's life a lot. Many times, they do it unconsciously out of paranoia or insecurity. They don't seem to realize the impact it has on their child.

Sun in 1st house mommy can actually belittle her children a lot. She is competitive, wants to be the center of attention and seen as the best. She can be demotivating towards children and thinking of them as incapable or stupid of doing things. It is all her own perfectionist tendency and self sabotage projected outwards towards children.

Moon in 8th house = emotional distance from mommy in adulthood. This is a hallmark of natives who take a hard decision to emotionally distant themselves from mommy for their own mental sanity. Their mommy and themselves are just on different emotional levels. They can look after their mommy financially and socially but not mentally and emotionally.

Water sign dominant natives can hide their emotions very well, don't show their emotional side to others, outwardly appear indifferent but emotional turmoil within, though they can show anger outbursts especially when immature.

Immature and mature planet and sign energies really makes difference. With age and experience, some people change their ways while others do not. With maturity, they make better life choices that help in productivity, material fulfillment and personality development. With immature tendencies, they make choices that lead to character weakness, abusive behavior and stagnant in material life.

Venus in 2nd house men notice feminine things on women. They like to see the colours, styles of their accessories, clothing, hair, how they dress themselves up. Conversely, women with 2nd house venus also like to dress up well and take care of beauty. These natives like to buy quality products over cheap ones. They invest in products that are good quality and sophisticated.

Mercury in 12th house makes a native who likes to study alone. Anything related to school, studies and thinking, they do it alone away from public life.

Natives with 1st house planets are shaped by their ascendant. They can show the qualities and characteristics of their first house planets. They are the ones to have distinguishing personality traits and visible in public eye. While natives with empty 1st house dont show any dominant personality. Of course they do have a personality but in public eye they are not visible for those qualities.

7th house placements especially sun are easily influenced by their environment, the people they are surrounded by and the people they befriend or talk to. They have a tendency to mimic the person they talk to. Since they project themselves in others a lot, their life gets difficult trying to adjust their projection whenever they meet a new person.

Venus in 10th house career wise can be dealing with money, banking, real estate, land related banks and field work. I have seen a native working in land bank and also doing land business with Venus in 10th house.

Mercury in 7th house natives attract really talkative partner, writer, author, friendly, energetic spouse with a lot of ideas and communicative habits. These natives can be lawyer or hold a law degree while working in other job.

Sun in 1st house native makes you know they are in the house. Their energy is that powerful. They are attention seeking and act like they are the best thing in the world. It feels like their energy fills the room they enter. Their energy can be really overwhelming for someone who is laid back and peace seeking though.

Air signs natives have a tendency to break things off and change friends quickly. But when the mature, they learn to treasure the relationships and friendships they make. Learn to make long term friendships and not jump from one person to another. Resist the urge to run from people.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Okay Ari I’m not anon and I’m so sorry but I’ve wondered this for a long time and if you have insight I’d love a dissertation:

what in your opinion is the difference between what you find attractive and how you want to be treated with daddy issues, what you find attractive and how you want to be treated with mommy issues, what you find attractive and how you want to be treated with sibling issues, and what you find attractive and how you want to be treated with abandonment issues?

LOOOOOOOOOL . THIS IS UNSERIOUS . i am not a psychologist so think of this post more as a characterization thing so even tho i write with u im not being fr. i dont rlly have a definitive answer LMAOO. these things also imo r super affected by things like race, agab, and sexuality

THIS POST IS A JOKE !!!!!! IT IS NOT FR. its like. if i were writing a character and wanted to portray these issues i would use these characteristics 👍🏾

if u have mommy issues u: are sensitive to other peoples emotions, likely parentified or left alone often, get easily frustrated when other ppl are incompetent or excessively sensitive (even tho u are also senstive), work yourself to death and have ppl pleasing syndrome while being bossy at the same time. u also think of yourself as having all of the solutions, overbearing OR avoidant in relationships, sometimes both. u often victimize yourself in instances it is not valid

u r usually attracted to competence and intelligence in other people. u say u want to take the submissive role in relationships but your control issues beg 2 differ

if u have daddy issues u: take issue with authority, tend to be contrary for no reason, have approval seeking behaviors for mentors in your life, are quick to anger and tend to self-isolate, have a hard time expressing your needs to other people and don't cry as often as you need too, find men partially repulsive (depending on what brand of daddy issues this can lead to seeking their attention or being afraid of them), hold long grudges and stay angry longer than most. bad habit of self destruction.

u r usually attracted to people who are sensitive and firm in themselves ++ are good at meeting your needs quietly. u like being given authority even if its not legit. makes u feel better

if u have sibling issues: you may have a hard time connecting with your peers / ppl ur age, you get jealous about things easier but it's not always things that make sense to other people, you seek companionship but are usually unfulfilled with people u meet. often introverted and have difficulty saying no when asked smth (v different than being a ppl pleaser), u automatically distance yourself when forming friendships and believe innately that ppl are disinterested in you. tendency to be distrusting and to put the most stock in your abilities. highly likely to get frustrated when u are bad at things u are passionate abt

u r likely attracted to people with outgoing / loud / confident personalities (largely against your will sdkjdkjsksd) and enjoy a little resistance in flirting

if u have abandonment issues in general u have some combo of the above and a special added bonus of thinking that no one actually knows or acknowledges that u exist even when that is proved to u often not the case !

[aphroditarian]

Hate words for your moon sign <3

Aries moon- i seem to attract them, which is a problem because i hate these fuckers. Immature, selfish and irresponsible, they are oblivious to the fact that they need to work on themselves ( like literally all of us ) because they perceive themselves to have some sort of moral advantage for “always being right” ( my ass ). They also love weed and probably alcohol too ( cause god forbid they actually feel their emotions ). Theyre just big babies.

Taurus moon- unmovable, unshakable, will die on the stupidest of hills out of sheer stubbornness. They know everything since they were 3 and so theres no reason for them to get out of bed. Movies? Seen them all and if they havent, they already know the one you wana take them to is no good. Music? Pfft. Do you even know who bach is?

Gemini- yall have commitment issues the size of pluto and youre not doing anything about it. You are a menace. Basically draco malfoy but if he wasnt even rich and hot so he had literally no redeeming quality.

Cancer- even i, a particularly sensitive and emotional individual, cant handle your crying ass. Mommy issues WE GET IT!! Friends with this placement will make everyone in the group baby them and partners will suck your tits FLAT. Not to mention how EMO they truly are. Like 6 pete wentzs on the emo scale.

Leo- thank god none of yall seem to like me cause i swear to god you need 15 times more attention than the average human. Your redeeming quality is that youre funny. But if you dont stop acting like rachel berry im gonna laugh at you and not with you. Did i mention theater kid?

Virgo- youre so wrecked emotionally that i actually feel bad for you instead of wanna make fun of you. Like jojo siwas career. Its like you have the meanest most insidious person in your head judging every single thing you or anyone says or does or feels or thinks. Jesus christ, we all need therapy but you neeed therapy.

Libra- i dont trust a single word that comes out of yalls mouths. Youre people pleasing, co dependents, and eeeeverything must lead to you being good and nice. Youre no fun. And when you are its for other people to think youre fun. Also youre deeply delusional and limerant ( look it up ), and i can just sense you falling in love with everyone and everything for no reason. Ew.

Scorpio- listen here you piece of shit, i know you want everyone to be scared of you but im no fool. Literally no one finds you mysterious and intimidating, your just no fun. And yes, we can tell you cry to evanescence every night. Redeeming quality is that youre hot, but looks dont last and youre gonna be one cranky old peson.

Sagittarius- every time you tell i joke i can see tears behind your eyes. Youre not fooling anyone with your pseudo esoteric shit. Also chill tf out!! Please!! Youre either angry or excited.

Capricorn- like virgo, no amount of hate words coming from me will do a capricorn moon justice, because they are already hating on themselves so hard. They are under the delusion that its everyone around them that is the problem but deep inside they know, its themselves they feel bad about. And no you dont actually enjoy being productive, its just that your self worth is entirely dependent on being useful.

Aquarius- you are literally insane. The most delusional people ive met. None of your reactions make sense. You are constantly running away from being actually vulnerable and open, coming up with either brilliant or extremely dumb excuses, and your love life is suffering the consequences of your avoidant ass. At least your social life is good, but hey, at what cost??

Pisces- thank fucking god youre a rare species. Kind of like virgo, i almost dont wanna make fun of you because i feel bad. But in your situation i also have no desire to help your overly dramatic ass. Youre not just anxious, youre something on a whole new level and you probably require huge amounts of food/alcohol/tobbacco or something to keep it all bottled up. Good fucking luck to anyone who falls in love with you!! Ps if you wanna be a poet be a poet, dont be like umm UwU can i show you my poetry UwU 👉👈

If youre mad about this post, complain to my mother.

[totallynotananxiouswreck]

im very sad and sensitive today

i thought so many negative things today that i dont know with what order to write them all

i remembered that my mother called me a parasite in my childhood

i looked at some posts where people were sharing their mommy issues and it kinda hit me hard

im sad that my partner isnt as sensitive with me as i would like him to be, and im conflicted about it

im annoyed at anybody close to me having expectations and im very very afraid of any judgement

i dont understand why i cant just be happy

ive been thinking some negative stuff about my new relationship and my partner lately and i don’t like that fact because it makes me feel like im already failing at this

im not who i want to be

i rely too much on others opinions not just of me but in general

i look at social media way too much and i see a lot of negative stuff abt relationships and i fear that ill get affected by some of them

im so so afraid of thinking that my partner is like my mother, but today i thought that especially with the expectations and judgement thing

i might be misconstruing a lot of my partner’s behaviors and words because we are very fundamentally different people when it comes to emotional stuff like this due to our different upbringings i think (writing this made me really relieved tbh this madde is very important)

[gokupowers]

do you have any tips for writing dave or rose?

!!!! i am no expert but!

dave: rambles, asks a lot of questions without waiting for the answer. his raps are truly shit. in terms of actions, i usually think of repressed closeted gay guys who compensate w hypermasculinity + the kind of people that are overly chill bc theyre super emotionally repressed. hes clearly a smart guy but he can't help but bring in a million references in all his jokes, and he remains very casual/flippant about most things (if he got stabbed, he would quip before reacting properly). later in the comic, he becomes more rambley but this is more clearly out of anxiety/habit than to be funny. it depends on which characterization you go with (early or late comic); pesterquest kinda makes him this shy blushing guy who poorly hides behind the cool guy mask, but 2009 dave was a genuine menace/vibe terrorist. like remember him and tavros' first interaction? thats p much what i think of most when i try to write him aggressively. for his rambles, i have ADHD and i have a rambley thought pattern so i just let my thoughts wander, though you might have to force yourself to do it. sometimes theres emotional beats i want to hit so i plan it out, but usually his main dialogue can be broken down into (genuine sentiment) (pop culture reference) (train of thought rambling to hide genuine sentiment) then rinse and repeat. he has a fixation on sex and dick jokes and hes very irreverent. sometimes he can be defensive. honestly the best tip is trying to remember his main character motivations: for me, i think his is being invulnerable. he's all about being the strongest person in the room; that can translate into social capital (cool guy persona/being perceived as cool), physical prowess, or whatever u want it to be. dave is a character that constantly wants to prove to himself and others that he cannot be hurt, even though he's actually kind of a sensitive guy (a pacifist whos forced to fight). his "coolness" (which is actually just being a fucking weirdo? i dont think dirk or dave actually know what being cool means other than apathetic. i def think he was homeschooled) is a mask and a compulsion, so keep that in mind! also, i think its good to have people as contrast to him bc hes so weird/aggressively chill to emphasize the weirdness of his own actions/behavior, cuz that gets lost when hes next to the other strilondes (karkat is a good comedic striaght man). one of the biggest flaws, i think, when people write him is when they make him this shy traumatized guy who can do no wrong. he clearly is capable of hurting people (and has done so!), usually as a result of his antagonistic bluster or violence. his whole character journey is about strength and confidence in a very masculine way, and that means that people can get hurt.

rose: she's literally susan sontag. most of her writing style is very similar to 70s-80s feminist scholarship, when most essays were about freud and phallic imagery. she has mommy issues and a penchant for passive aggression. like dave w irony and coolness, she hides behind big words/intellectualism and freudian psychoanalysis. they both deeply dislike not being in power/having control, though dave's comes from being conditioned into it and rose's is a genuine compulsion from her childhood. she has trouble being vulnerable/relinquishing that control. it should be noted that her psychoanalysis, while i think she's a smart girl, is almost entirely for show bc fruedian analysis is not really regarded as helpful/viable among contemporaries. she is constantly on the defense; she interprets her mom's well-meaning actions as cruelty, and doesn't trust easily/assumes the worst out of other people. when i think of her, i mostly just think: what would a lesbian with mommy/trust issues do? and its usually pretty straight forward from there. she pretends to be calm, but is prone to a lot of impulsivity and petty anger (blowing up eridans computer, blowing up her own planet/house). ironically, she's one of the easier characters for me to write, bc her character schtick is pretty much my academic writing. if you're struggling with dialogue or tone, just read some of sontag's writing LOL. like how in detective pony dirk plagiarizes a lot of derrida, i think rose would do the same with sontag. against interpretation is a good one if you're up for the read! also shes cuttingly sarcastic and smart/sees through things easily, but that can make her a really difficult person to get along with. dont be scared to make the characters unlikeable. cuz all of the HS characters kind of are unlikeable as people, esp if you dont know them well. like, shes the type of bitch to tell you john berger style all the flaws of marvel as a piece of military propaganda when you're just trying to watch chris evans' man boobs. for her, everything is deep/more than it appears on the surface. + her alcoholism is interesting because she hates giving up control, and alcoholism is what enables her to do so. i dont think most people understand inherently that she is a darker character. people do the whole horror terror stuff fine, but i mean that she is prone to cruelty and manipulation because its how she reacts to perceived danger. shes very girl dirk in that sense. people make her hyper-competent and hyper mentally healthy, but in my opinion? dont be afraid to make her a bitch, LOL.

if you get the chance lmk how your writing goes!! ^_^

[bakerolivias-archived]

honestly i think one of the major reasons im not a huge klaroline stan is because i dont think without caroline over all rejecting him he never would have come to terms with how sensitive he really is how to be vulnerable aka some of the things that make klamille amazing

okay my answer for this ask has actually been deleted three times now and unfortunately they were very long meta answers because tumblr’s a real piece of work.

anyways; tldr: so true bestie! caroline was, more or less, really important to helping klaus come to the self-realization that he can be hurt, and what it meant to build a real, mature, and stable relationship. klamille and klaroline were both significant in terms of klaus’s development, klaus cared for them both so intensely, and that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, even though fandom likes to perceive it as such and generalize klamille/cami as a “copy” of klaroline/caroline (which is an incredibly misogynistic and poorly constructed take, but ya know.)

it’s clear klaus has a type: brilliant, headstrong blond women (maybe because of his mommy/sister issues but of course klaus probs doesn’t see it that way LOL). that’s pretty much where the similarities end because cami and caroline are both incredibly three dimensional and unique characters (and klaus has very good taste.) there was a huge difference in the way both dynamics were approached, even if they may have started out in relatively the same way. klaus was intrigued by caroline, admired her tenacity and the way she shamelessly refused to hold back her opinion, and appreciated how she did not hesitate to call him out and reprimand him for attempting to flirt using expensive gifts and showing her dramatic art pieces, instead of establishing a “connection” as klaus defined it, based on mutual understanding. he “enjoys” the strength of character she’s displayed, the way she pushes him to be real and transparent instead of only show a polished version of himself - which would be pointless anyways since she already knows the terrible things he’s capable of. because she’s so blatant and honest, something klaus deeply appreciates, klaus finds himself able to confide in her, and caroline reciprocates, maybe a bit out of boredom, but also because she finds him interesting and she has her own grief/troubles she’d like to communicate. she’s also incredibly perceptive and intelligent, despite what others (namely d.amon and perhaps matt at one point) would think, which klaus is more than aware of and likes about her. caroline understands that klaus doesn’t want to be lonely, that he wants to be loved, listened to, and understood. that’s truly all that anyone wants. but she also calls him out for what he can’t seem to grasp: he is the cause of his own loneliness, pushing loved ones away out of anger and paranoia, and she’s able to see this after only a few conversations.

where KC went wrong was that they had very different interpretations of love, and how it was expressed. while caroline was endeared by and supportive of klaus’s personal growth that he’d shown on TOs5, not out of some misguided attempt to convince her he’s changed but simply out of genuine selflessness, he acted, and thought, very differently when it came to what acts of love and kindness looked like: for example, “haven’t you experienced the attraction that comes when a person capable of terrible things, for some reason, only seems to care about you?” or, “kindness, mercy... i’ve shown it all for you.” caroline is attracted to people that are good, who do good deeds, and tells klaus that, in her opinion, terrible people are just terrible people, which means klaus doesn’t have to be the person that he is and can choose differently. she’s not going to be the singular person klaus is supposedly “good” for, the sole person responsible for making klaus a better person, because she deserves better than to be a moral compass, or forced into that role unwillingly, unless klaus showed some potential for better behavior. what she wanted for klaus, as she said in TOs5, was for him to be able to do that himself, for himself, and not as some kind of appeasement to a love interest, but klaus couldn’t understand what he was doing wrong. to hear caroline basically call him a terrible person hurt him, even if he is self aware of his own actions. klaus didn’t have the patience to attempt to process what caroline was trying to tell him, and neither of them were in the right place to pursue a deeper romantic relationship.

enter klamille. cami’s a literal therapist: she has a psych degree and is supposed to “analyze” and help people like klaus, for a living. while i think she should have had more of a narrative beyond the klamille dynamic, camille and klaus had an infinitely more functional relationship (although i suppose that could be because the writers were never intending to have KC end up together in the first place). since klaus was staying in NOLA long term, he and cami were in the right proximity, and places in their life because cami had already graduated college while caroline still needed to find the direction her life would go in, to work through the different stages of their relationship and get to know each other. because of cami’s occupation as a therapist, klaus is allowed to be understood in a way i don’t think he ever has been, and when cami tells him uncomfortable truths, klaus is far more receptive and willing to listen. he’s also much more comfortable being vulnerable and working through his issues in a semi-healthy and semi-professional environment. while therapist-patient relationships aren’t necessarily healthy in the real world, klaus and cami make it work because they’re both mutually invested in their romantic relationship and there’s always a sense of respect, autonomy, and friendship in their dynamic. klaus could have seen him and cami building a life together, side by side, because they make each other better: she helps him fulfill his capability to be good, and allows him to feel human, and he gets under her skin in ways few people have (which is also true vise versa). cami’s essence and humanity and her connection to klaus, despite her vampirism and then eventual death, was immortalized by the way he remembered her, the way she “saved” his soul (as caroline worded it in that one ep i haven’t gotten to yet - anyone capable of love is capable of being saved, which establishes how much klaus cares for other people and also, in a way, foreshadows what klamille would mean to him).

in some ways, klaroline certainly laid the groundwork for the klamille dynamic and allowing klaus to accept his humanity, as well as his human needs.

[thestarwrites]

A Different Time, A Different Place; Ch. 6 -- END

Taihei Chairo was born in the winter, on February 9th, and he grew up a loving, bright, and sensitive young boy. Keri cherished him more than anything on the earth. She did not give him his father's last name. Now that he was five and she was working on her masters degree, her parents helped them get a little apartment of their own- close by of course- so they could babysit when she worked or had class.

And then one fateful spring day after his fifth birthday...

“Mommy look!” Taihei gasped as he kept his eyes glued to the screen. The five year old was the image of his father. Messy blond hair, shining blue eyes, a million dollar smile, “A new hero!! They say his name is All Might!” 

“What?” The woman rushed in from the kitchen, “What was the name?” Her forehead glowed. The sudden anxiety rising in her chest was almost deafening as she came to where her son watched television.

“All Might! Look! There he is!” He pointed to the screen. The blue diamonds on his palms and on his forehead separated him from being an almost perfect of Toshinori. The boy had a quirk, but it hadn’t much manifested yet, “Look how big he is mommy!”

Her big blue eyes fixed on the screen as they filled with tears, “Toshinori...” she put a hand over her mouth.

The boy scrunched his nose, “Mom- you feel- sad- whats the matter??” 

“I- I know him Tai...”

“What! You know that man mom?!”

She pushed her hand over her eyes, trying not to cry. It felt like the air was all kicked out of her lungs at once, “I knew him in high school- I though he was dead.” 

“Well he doesn’t look dead to me,” he said matter-of-fact. 

“Come on Tai- come on get your shoes on I’m taking you to Nana’s okay?”

He looked over confused, “What?! Why?”

“I need to find out why he’s here. I need to find out where he’s been.” She moved to pull on the coat she wore. 

“But mommy I don’t understand!” He frowned. 

She took a shaky breath, “Taihei... my love- come here.” 

He walked over and took his mother’s hand as she pulled him into a hug, “Mom.”

Pulling back she looked at him, pushing her hand in his hair, “Honey... that man on the television... he’s your father.” 

“W-what...?” He looked shocked, “M-my dad? But you said..."

“I said he was gone. That he died. I thought he did die honey...” 

His blue eyes filled with tears, “Well let’s go find him!! I want to know why he didn’t stay!! Why he did that to you!” 

“That’s what I’m going to do baby, but you need to go be with Nana so I can find out first. Maybe it’s all a big misunderstanding?”

“I’ll - I’ll beat him up!” 

She let out a small laugh, “My big brave hero, come on now, mommy’s gonna make things right.” 

“Yes mama.”

 ---------

Her fist pounded on the door, “OPEN UP TORINO I KNOW THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE!” She shouted, still banging. 

The older man sighed and shook his head, he saw Toshinori on television this morning - Keri obviously had as well. Coming to the door he opened it, “Keri. Come in, please.”

She walked inside calmly, “You made him leave, didn’t you.” Her body glowed with pure rage and sorrow. 

“You don’t understand.” 

“OF COURSE I DONT UNDERSTAND!” She yelled, “But no one made any effort to help me to understand did they?!” 

“Keri, please, you need to listen to me.” 

“Oh no. I think you need to listen to me!” She shouted, tears rolling down her cheeks, “You NEVER liked us together. And then you send him away from me? Torino- I was PREGNANT.” 

“I know you were pregnant. You have a little boy named Taihei.” 

Keri was shocked into silence for a moment before she clenched her fists, “You knew?”

“Not when he left but shortly after, yes. Recovery Girl and I have been watching over you.”

She let out a mirthless laugh, “Oh my god! So what? He just didn’t care to try and contact me when he gets home? After almost six years??” 

“Keri. He doesn’t know.” 

Putting a hand over her mouth she started to pace, “Oh my god. You didn’t tell him?! What am i supposed to do! Walk up to him and say; hi Toshi you have a whole ass child?!” 

“Keri!” He grunted, “Listen to me. PLEASE.” 

She crossed her arms and scoffed, “Talk old man.”

“You were one of the very few people to know that Nana Shimura was Toshinori’s mentor. And the reason is because he is her successor. The villain that killed her, he knows who Toshi is, he would have come after him before he was ready to fight. I had to send him to America. He had to be away- somewhere this man wouldn’t find him. No one could know. Before he left he begged me to keep an eye on you, to make sure you weren’t being watched. He wanted you to go with him, but you already had college plans and a family. It was safer for you both this way.” 

She looked down, tears falling down her face as she sank to the floor, sobbing, “I - I thought I would never see him again- I- I missed him more than you could imagine!” 

He frowned, “Let me call him. Tell him to come here.”

Keri looked up, “Torino... is it worth it?”

The older man huffed, “Do you love him?”

“Of course I love him! He was everything to me!”

“Then it’s worth it,” he moved to call Toshinori in the other room. Keri just sat against the wall as he spoke softly into the phone. After about two minutes he came back, “He’s on his way. He doesn’t know you’re here. He’s... Keri, he- he’s going to feel like a failure. You have to keep remembering he had no idea. Whenever I talked to him he would mention how much he missed you. Ask if you were safe.” 

She nodded. 

 “Does your son have a quirk?” He said softly.

Looking up she nodded, “Yeah. Can’t tell what it is yet though. It’s got something to do with mine. But he can’t feel emotions and he can’t do what I can do. So whether or not he knows how to unlock it is the issue.” 

Torino nodded, “I’m sure he’ll be incredible.”

She nodded, “He’s so much like Toshinori.” 

“I’ll bet. I saw him once... when you were at the park with him. Little blond boy. He’s cute.” 

“Thank you...” she sighed.

“Keri- you know I’m being sincere when I say it was the only way to keep you and the baby safe.” 

She nodded, “I can feel your guilt.” 

“Could you forgive me?”

Taking a deep breath she tried to think about her coursework toward being a therapist. What she should do, “I’m angry Torino, I’m angry I had to go through pregnancy and labor at eighteen all alone. And get a job, go to school, care for an infant...” 

The older man nodded and frowned, “I’m sorry.” 

Keri nodded, “I forgive you. You were just looking out for him, for us. You know… I’d like it if you could meet Tai. You’d like him… he’s just like his father.” 

He smiled a little, “I would love to meet hi—" The two were interrupted by a knock at the door. Keri felt her whole body freeze and she looked at Gran Torino, who gave her a nod. Walking across the room, he opened the front door, “Hello Toshinori.”

“Hey! I’m glad to see you again so soon, Master! Whats going on?” 

“There is something we need to talk about. Something I’ve kept from you while you were away.” 

“What? What is it?” 

Suddenly, Keri stepped forward, looking up at Toshinori - he’d gotten so much bigger, “Toshi…” 

His blue eyes snapped to the woman and his eyes welled with tears, “Keri?” 

She smiled and wiped her eyes, laughing a little, “Long time no see.” 

“God- Sunflower- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he came into the room and knelt in front of her, “I’m so sorry I did this to you.” 

Shaking her head she smiled, reaching out to cup his face, “Torino and I talked. We’re good,” she laughed softly, “You got so huge!” 

He laughed a little and leaned into her palm, “You’re just as beautiful - no, more beautiful than I remember.” He blushed and looked at her, “Are you…I mean - have you been… busy?” 

She smiled, “I was… I was busy hoping somehow you weren’t dead and…” she let her eyes flick up to Torino who nodded, “And too busy going to school, and… and raising our son.” 

His face fell slowly with the realization, “Our…” 

“Our son,” she nodded, “I was trying to figure out how to tell you before you disappeared… I had only just found out and then you were gone.” 

He closed his eyes, “I…. Keri, I am so SO sorry you have had to go through this alone- I should have been here. I should have been here for you, and for our child.” 

She moved closer to him, kneeling with him on the floor, “No- no Toshi it was safer this way. Torino and Recovery Girl were watching over us, though I didn’t know it.” 

All Might turned his head and glared daggers at his mentor before standing up, “YOU KNEW!?” 

“ToshI!” Keri stood, grabbing his arm. 

“YOU KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT? YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!?” He roared at the older man. Shed never seen him like that before. 

Gran Torino looked up at him, “I didn’t know when you left, I found out when she started showing. You were gone, and I wasn’t about to risk you coming back. It wasn’t safe. For you, or Keri.” 

“HOW COULD YOU!? HOW COULD YOU KEEP MY CHILD FROM ME!? WHAT IF SHE MET SOMEONE ELSE! WHAT IF I DID!?” 

Keri walked up behind him, grabbing his arm, “Toshinori! Stop!” 

“NO! THIS ISN’T RIGHT. HE’S ROBBED SIX YEARS OF OUR LIVES WE COULD HAVE SPENT TOGETHER KERI! HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO STOP! HOW CAN YOU TELL ME YOU AREN’T ANGRY!” He screamed. 

She knit her brows together, “I thought you were dead for six years. And you’re here, in front of me… and… all all you can do is think to scream at your teacher for protecting us? For doing what your hero training required?” 

“You- don’t."

“No! You don’t. I was the one here raising a baby and going to school and going to work and crying and studying and cleaning up throw up and changing diapers before I was nineteen.” She looked down, “I am not blaming you. I’m not even blaming Torino. Life happened and we’re here now. And you are back in Japan, and you have a son.” She put her hands on her hips and huffed, “Now. What are you going to do about it?” 

The twenty-four year old deflated at the emotion of the woman he loved, and he stepped up to her and he lowered his head, “Well… first… I’m going to ask you if you’re seeing anyone?” 

She scoffed and shook her head, “No… I’m not seeing anyone.” 

He smiled, “Me either. There could never have been anyone but you, Sunflower… I dreamed of coming home to you… hoping you’d… have waited for me.” 

“So what is this?” 

“Well I’m asking you if you’ll be my girl. For good, now that I’m back home where I belong.” 

Keri blushed and smiled, “There's a man in my life you’ll have to ask first, Toshinori.” She reached out and touched his chest, “Come home with me… meet your boy.” 

His eyes welled with tears and he smiled, “My son… what’s his name?” 

“Taihei Chairo… though if you play your cards right it could be Taihei Yagi…” She teased. 

“Taihei — Keri, you named him Peace?” 

Blushing she nodded, “You.. you always said the world needed a symbol of peace… so when you were gone… I…” 

He leaned down, tilting her chin up and beaming, tears running down his face, “I love you. More than life.” Leaning down further he kissed her softly. 

Keri wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back before breaking out into sobs, “Oh Toshi!” 

He held her close as he cried, holding her to him he shushed her gently, “Its gonna be okay baby… you know why?” 

She sniffled and shook her head.

“Because I am here.” He whispered into her ear, “And I am never going to leave you again. Or our son. I know he’s probably going to be mad, but… God I haven’t even met him and I love him — what is he like?” 

She laughed softly, looking up and kissing him again, lovingly, “He’s just like his father. Brave, cheerful, an idealist… he wants to be the number one hero.” 

“He- does he have a quirk?” 

She nodded, “He has markings like mine, but there are more of them and they are smaller. Though we cant figure out what the quirk is yet… but he can’t seem to read emotions or project them so, I’m sure when he can harness it, it’ll come natural.” 

“There are… a lot of things I need to tell you.” He took a deep breath and looked at Torino, “She gets to know, everything.” 

The older man nodded, “Its your burden, Toshinori. If you are going to commit yourself to this woman, then its your call.” 

Keri smiled, “Yeah Toshi? You gonna commit yourself to me?” She laughed softly. 

Toshinori picked her up and she yelped, he grinned his million watt smile, “Keri, I committed to you the day I followed you to that ramen shop for your number. Will you marry me? — Uh, after a little while of course.” 

She gasped a bit, “You- you want me to marry you?” 

He laughed, “Of course I do! I love you, we have a child… I want to provide for you and care for you, and be together until we’re little old people. Keri, please… say yes.” 

Leaning in she kissed him, running her hands in his hair, “Yes… Yes Toshinori Yagi, I will marry you.” 

He spun them around, they laughed and he hugged her close before setting her down, “I’ll have to start looking for a nicer home for us. And don’t you worry about working anymore, okay? You focus on your studies from now on. Then you can spend more time with Taihei.” 

She blushed hard and started to sniffle, “Oh Tosh— you don’t have to…”

“Yes I do. If my hero money can’t go to charity and my family than what good is it? I want to be this. I want to be a husband and a father, and a hero. And I want you to be able to follow your dreams.” 

“Okay Toshi.” 

“Besides,” he smirked, “When I open up my agency, you still have to come and work for me.” 

Keri beamed, “You remembered…” 

He winked and turned to face his mentor. Walking over he sighed and held out his hand, “I’m sorry I yelled at you, sir.” 

Gran Torino smiled a little and shook his hand, “I’m sorry I had to keep something like this from you, my boy. Let me meet the lad soon, eh?” He motioned his head, “Get outta here kids.” 

Keri smiled, “I’ll use Toshi’s phone to text you my number okay? I’ll be in touch about meeting Tai.” 

“Alright, I look forward to it.” 

 ------------

The couple smiled, Toshinori holding her hand as they walked along the street, “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Toshi.” She smiled and took a deep breath, “Taihei is mad you know… he’s the one who saw you on TV. He was really excited there was a new hero and when I heard the name All Might… I knew it was you - I told him that was his daddy. And that II was coming to see you.” 

“I am gonna have to make it up to him.” 

“He said he was gonna beat you up,” she smirked, “He looks just like you Toshi. Unruly blond hair, blue eyes…” 

Toshinori smiled and sighed, “I’m gonna have a lot of explaining to your parents too…” 

“Everyone will understand. You’re a hero, you were being marked by a bad villain, you had to go away. Its a simple and reasonable explanation.” 

“You are taking this so well.” 

She looked up at him, “This morning I was a single mother trying to pay my bills. Now I’m engaged to be married to Japan’s newest and most incredible Hero. And my son has a father.” 

He nodded, “Speaking of engaged, I have to get you a ring.” 

“Nothing big - please? And I’m not just saying that to sound modest.” 

He nodded again, “I know baby, you’re not a show off type of person. It’ll be good, tasteful.” 

“I know honey,” she rubbed his forearm, “Also… what’s going to happen to your popularity when they find out you have a family…” 

“Well, they’re going to want interviews with you, they’re gonna want to be given an exclusive for the wedding…” 

She sighed and smiled, “I guess it comes with the territory of being married to the next number one.” 

He beamed and leaned to kiss her hand, “You think our son will forgive me?” 

“Of course he will. He’s been missing you too. There's a picture of us from back in the day on his night stand. He’ll be mad for a minute but once you explain it, he’ll understand. He is five.” 

“I have a five year old,” he took a deep breath, “Keri, we’re gonna have to have another one.” 

She laughed and looked up, “Oh?” 

“Cause I wanna do this right! I wanna be there for you and your pregnancy and for the babies firsts!” He blushed, “I mean, I know I still have a lot of firsts for Taihei but… you know… a man wants to have more than one kid…” 

“I’ll consider your application and let you know when I make a decision, but I have to say I’m leaning toward yes… it was a compelling case.” She smirked. 

He grabbed her waist and gave it a squeeze as they walked up to Keri’s parents house. 

“I’m sweating.” 

“You’re seven feet tall and built like the Great Wall of china, don’t worry, you’re gonna be fine.” She knocked on the door. 

The sound of small excited footsteps ran to the front door, “Who is it?!” Cried the voice of the small boy. 

Toshi put a hand over his mouth, hearing his son’s voice for the first time. 

“Its your loving mother!” She called back. 

Taihei flung open the door and jumped into his mothers arms. She laughed and spun him around kissing his cheek before setting him down. Taking a deep breath she cupped his cheek, “Taihei… this is Toshinori Yagi, your dad.” 

“H-hey, Taihei…” 

The boy looked up at him and blushed, tears welling in his eyes, “Y-you look… different than your picture….” 

“I did get a little bigger while I was away…” he gave a small smile. 

Taihei started to cry, All Might knelt down instantly, “Why didn’t you want us— why— why did you leave? D-did you not want me?” 

“Oh no- no Taihei… no that’s not it at all.” 

“Then why! Why did you leave me and mom!” The boy’s forehead and palms started to glow blue before his entire body became engulfed in blue energy. 

“Honey- calm down,” Keri looked surprised - this had never happened before. 

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE US ALL ALONE!?” Punctuated on the alone was a burst of energy that shot forward, knocking All Might over and onto the ground. It looked like a… beam of some kind. Like rings of light flying from his body and hitting his father, “WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE US ENOUGH?!” 

Sliding onto his ass he put his arm up to try and shield himself from the burst attacks coming from his son, “Taihei— ah—“ he looked down as blood started coming from his forearm. 

“Taihei! Stop it!” Keri’s hand flew to his back, her form glowing pink, “Calm down- calm down baby… please…” 

As soon as the boy was calmed enough by his mother to stop crying, he ran toward Toshinori and jumped into his arms, sobbing, “Dad I’m sorry!” 

He looked at Keri with wide eyes as he wrapped his large arms around his son, crying himself, “Don’t be sorry, son… that was incredible! You’re so strong!” After taking a deep breath, he rubbed the back of his head, “I’m the one that’s sorry Taihei… for not being here for you when you needed me.” The boy just kept crying, hugging his father’s neck. Toshi continued, “When I was younger, there was a really bad man after me. My teacher tried to fight him to stop him, and she died… and after that, your mom was the only person I cared for in the whole world. And to make sure she stayed safe… and didn’t get hurt by the bad man - I had to go away for a while. But I didn’t know she was going to have you… and your mom didn’t know where I went… I couldn’t tell her. To protect her. But I knew I was going to come back. And once I did I was gonna find her. But - I guess she found me first.” 

Taihei sniffled and looked at him, “What happened to the bad man?” 

He took a deep breath, “Someday I’m sure I’ll have to fight him. But its not today. Today I’m not a hero - I’m just your dad. And I am so lucky to be able to meet you, and tell you how much I love you.” 

“You’re not gonna leave again…?” 

Smiling he wiped the boys cheeks gingerly, “No, Tai, I’m staying right here. Your mom and I were talking about getting a house. Would you like that?” 

“A house!? You mean like - with a yard!?” He gasped. 

Toshi laughed and nodded, “Yeah, a yard just for you to play in. We can play any time you want and mom wont have to work so hard anymore. She can focus on school and her dreams.” 

“You… you really wanna do this for us?” Tai sniffed. 

Toshinori leaned forward and kissed his head, “Son, I would move the stars in the sky if you wanted me to. I will never leave you again. I promise.” 

Taihei hugged him again, “I- I love you dad!” 

Keri was fanning her eyes, “You two are absolutely killing me!” She was smiling so brightly looking at her two boys. 

“Come over here then, mama!” Toshinori smirked and opened his other arm. 

Tai laughed, “Yeah mom! Come here!” 

Keri laughed and walked over, sitting on Toshinori’s thigh and wrapping her arms around both her son and her fiancé, “I love you both, more than life.” She kissed Taihei’s cheek, and then Toshinori’s. 

All might just held onto them both, “I am the luckiest man in the whole world to have such a beautiful family…” 

“You’re gonna stay at our home until we get a new one, right dad?” 

Toshi looked at his girl and she nodded. Grinning he looked at him, “Your home is right where I want to be.” 

“OUR home, dad.” Tai hugged him again. 

Keri leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, “Yes Toshi, our home.” 

Toshi sighed contented and then blinked, “Hey! Are we gonna talk about that quirk, boy!? That was incredible!” 

Tai blushed, “Th-that’s never happened to me before! I - I was so angry that I… I don’t know I… I could feel it bursting out of me…. like… like…” 

“Like a supernova,” Keri smiled, “Like a little exploding star!” 

“Supernova!” Toshinori grinned, “That’s a great hero name!” 

The little family talked softly there on the lawn of her parents home, holding each other and sharing little stories and jokes. And for the first time in a long time, even since coming back to Japan, Toshinori felt like he was truly home. He finally had a family.

 And he promised himself he was going to be the best husband and father that there ever was...

THE END -- for now.

[trailerparkflower]

hello i’m sorry to bother you but i’m in the process of writing my first harringtove fic and i was wondering if you have any tips on writing for Billy or Steve? especially Billy? if not thank you anyways and i love your work!!

hi hello im so sorry im answering only now! u see im not very active lately cuz my health isnt very good lately:( im so happy what u writing ur first harringrove fic u go baby!!! good luck and looots of inspo AND time to write for u hehe. and that's so cute what u asking me who aren't a very cool writer?? like?! wow u sweet thing!

Billy is honestly hard guy to write for me too, because u know he is just FULL of rage and fire and its one of many things i dont rly have in me! but it makes it even more fun to write him. im trying to keep his canon traits in mind when i write him, like:

he is actually very sensitive. he feels a LOT, cries like a crybaby. he is one of that fuckboys who post dumb sad boy memes. Very sensitive, very emotional

he ALWAYS naturally fills all free space to himself, he dominates it. its probably comes from his home life situation where he has to walk on the eggshells, but its still not a forced thing-he does it when he is relaxed, too. It's his natural trait. He is kinda like a big cat, or a lion pride male, he spreads his shoulders, he has a wide posture, he puts his arms on every free surface around him, he plants his feet wide. (and that's why im think he's a big spoon heh)

manipulative, charming, dangerous, good at getting information and good in observing things

literally a peacock. Sometimes reminds me of Johnny Bravo with his ways to flirt ghjkwj. Flexes his muscules, stands in a dramatic pose, pretties up himself with male jewelry, makes bedroom eyes, lowers his voice.......

a rollercoaster of a person-one second he is chill and calm, another second he is ANGRY and u never know what will make him mad and what will make him amused

Gross and nasty boy who isn't very hygienic

he is a secret romantic because that's how Dacre apparently sees him. fuckboy on the streets prince charming on the sheets!

insecure about himself but makes sure what no one will see it

very tactile, with both humans (like how he grabs Max when he's mad, on how is he CONSTANTLY touching-grinding-pushing Steve) and objects (how he plays with his zippo, how he puts hands on his car)

power-thirsty (bAnNED foR LIFE) and dominant person. He enjoys power so much like he is high on it. He is pushy even when he flirts, he is just very aries, u know?

ENERGETIC! he has too much energy!!! YET can be bored to death and really indifferent

mommy issues

im think its also important to remember what Dacre had his favorite headcanon about Billy having a God Complex and this is why Billy carries himself around with such confidence. He is religious, but like...in a strange strange way...

Very strong mentally, strong and brave even when is scared a lot. Stubborn also!

SECRETLY SUPER PROTECTIVE

He loveeees attention. u know he does.

 wow dis went long. i also realized what i dont write much meta on Billy in my blog, considering the fact i always seek hidden stuff for Steve and analyze him a lots. im think its cuz fandom dont rly writes much for Steve so i have to concentrate on him usually!! okay and for Steve, i also have these main traits what helps me to write him:

ANXIOUS! im think he has big anxiety issues, and even social anxiety. panics a lot and yells a lot and sometimes can act paranoid

he is charming. he is cute, and he is pretty in that soft but boyish way and he knows it, and he uses it when he wants to get something. which is kinda manipulative too but like...cute manipulative..

a Brat (big pout is his super attack), dramatic

Funny!!! Loves to joke. Jokes a lot in all of the situations-when he is in danger, when he is flirting, when he tries to comfort someone, he just always tries to be this positive joking guy

he is Bossy, but he also kind of a Pushover (because cmon, all his crushes is girls who can beat his ass and all his best friends-Tommy and Dustin-are a lot more active and pushy and Steve just goes along with it)

Daddy Issues (did u ever thought about how much he says about his dad being a jerk?)

big softie, hates conflicts, hates fights, hates confrontations, the coziest and lovey-dovey moment are the happiest he is. he just wanna hold hands and make love and maybe eat something yummy and call it a good day

yet he can be a really mean bitch, st1 Steve is SO Regina George. King Steve and King Billy is a very different types of popular jocks, because while Billys is an alpha dog aggressive active bully, Steve was more of a queen bee, idk? like its Tommy who was his muscle tank, Steve usually just stayed on the side and pouted/had that mean girl smile

does then thinks 

PROTECTIVE!!!!!!!!! VERY!!!!!!!!!

insecure and self-deprecating. thinks he is dumb:( 

he is playful, kind of immature, kind of lazy. Childish a bit, Joe himself said what Dustin is even more mature than Steve in some ways. and with that also comes some pureness, and even the way he trusts people who gonna let him down is how kids trust to people 

okay so!! i really really hope its gonna help u, even if a little bit! im sure ur writing gonna be really lovely

[ambroseias]

「lorenzo zurzolo & male/questioning」⇾ ambrose , elijah, the junior horton student’s records show that he is an virgo and 21 years old. he is studying classics and econ, living in noland and can be charming, diligent, self-centered & vain. when i see him i am reminded of clenched teeth, pyrrhic victories & a laugh that comes to haunt you. ⇽「momo & 20 & est & any pronouns.」 

“all stories are about wolves. all worth repeating, that is. anything else is sentimental drivel.” - margaret atwood

hi it’s momo ur resident mess and this is adapted from a previous intro i did so pls dont make fun of me if u catch mistakes. if u like this, i’m coming into ur dms to plot and, if u don’t, i’m still yearning for connection with ur chara. pls. come validate my cliched average bacchanalian icarus bitch, toxic faerie princeling, dark academia fuccboi, dorian grey in the FLESH.

full bio to be found HERE bulleted bio below

AESTHETICS.

sunlight on skin in the morning, like ribbons of gold gleaming between tousled sheets. he throws his head back, laughing. if you do not love him, then you will now. clothes, always pressed. hair, meticulously in place. a dog-eared copy of a streetcar named desire in the crook of his arm. lies. they come so easy to boys like him. lies. tinged honey sweet to hide the fact that there is nothing but teeth behind them. you’ve seen his face in a painting somewhere, you’re certain. and if not, then it haunts you in your dreams. kisses that always taste like champagne, no matter what time it is. if you cut him open, he’d be more red wine than blood. secrets. there is something he’s not telling you. secrets. something rotten behind that sweet-faced grin. walden and thoreau in place of a father figure. choosing dickinson instead of the mother he had. clenched teeth. pyrrhic victories. he wins, always, but at what cost? climb into his chest, now. ignore that miraculously still-beating heart. feel how hollow it is here? he has tried to fill this emptiness his whole life. he has never succeeded.

BULLETED BIO

TW parental issues

first off, say mommy issues into a mirror 3x and this bitch appears behind u like the demon he is

‘that’s it. thats the chara.

im jk but not rlly. eli is the only child to one of radcliffe’s esteemed feminism + gender studies professor (prof. vivianne ambrose) and their relationship has always been... rough

it’s not for lack of love. it’s just that-- sometimes, people are too alike. and it’s hard to apologize and express the love that you feel.

halfway “ignored” by his mother, he’s spent his entire life trying to gain the attention and love of everyone around him. he definitely tries to shift his personality to be the person u want him to be--- but can only really settle on pretentious intellectual + wild child

so ig what i’m trying to say is that ... he’s the duality of man if both dualities were the WORST and most pretentious

mostly, what’s happened is that the people who like him really like him. and the people who don’t-- he refuses to spend the time of day on.

+ like ! i guess the best way to describe him is bright, glittering, hard to look at directly.

he wants u to want him.

but he doesn’t want u to know him

classics n econ bc honestly, he wants to be a professor like his mom and teach classics or theatre BUT he refuses to admit it so he’s getting a double major in econ and telling himself he’s gonna be like a politician or lawyer or some other slick shit

he... ............... would make a good politician probably. 

but still. 

he rattles off a list of dream roles he wants to play. hamlet. coriolanus. oedipus. caesar. creon. gatsby. some are leads, some aren’t. but most of all-- “they’re tragedies,” you say, “you really like tragedies that much?”

he laughs glibly. “no--” he says, “god, of course not. but they’re the only things i can play. look, i know what i look like. i know what you think of me. deep down, you want nothing more than to see me suffer. on stage, you can.”

“and off-stage?“ you ask tentatively. his eyes flash green, his lips press together almost imperceptibly,  “oh come on. look at me. no one’s ever going to deny me of what i want.“

it’s a lie, of course. but it’s a good one. and it’s one that he goes to sleep telling himself.

pls i beg u!! yes, he’s terrible, but, deep down, i think he wants to be good. i think he wants to be soft. but the only time he ever got his mother’s attention was when he was doing something wrong and it’s made his perception of how love is supposed to be— skewed.

he definitely FEELS like an old soul, but he also probably has a very active thirst instagram using oscar wilde and margaret atwood quotes as captions

i hate him dearly pls

IMMA ADD MORE WANTED CONNECTIONS

people who have studied under/knows his mom -- ur too close. everytime he sees u he flinches. he’ll walk in during ur consultation with his mother and the two of them will stiffly update each other on their day and ur like god dang what a weird ass relationship. alternately, he’ll sit outside his mother’s office while ur doing consults. and u can’t help but wonder... god... what kind of mom, would make her child wait.

friends/enemies/etc. from childhood --- he grew up near the university has always been around town

wld die for a childhood crush on him or from him, but likely from him bc that’s cute af

a childhood friend that has always been his ride-or-die, even though they’ve definitely grown apart bc elijah has a fear of Emotional Intimacy!! but u knew him once and u know... there’s a real boy behind that layer of pretense.

step/half-siblings !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --- his mom might have remarried! his bio dad maybe is lurking out there with another family! who knows!

a tormentor --- for anyone who knows the ambrose family, its’ not hard to see that the relationship btwn mom + son is strained. and like-- that’s something eli is always gonna be sensitive abt. ur chara knows that eli isn’t the hard shell he pretends to be. he’s just a soft boi longing for approval + that scares tf out of eli

people who eli hates -- mostly softs who remind him of his own failure to become completely unfeeling

rlly pretentious friends

unpretentious not friends

party friends

litcherally anything

neighbors

one night stands

fwbs

exes (elijah is tentatively pan, but objectively hates labels)

i live for apartment plots so pls hit me up if ur chara lives in noland

[wyrmzier]

Ed reads bad online yaoi so you dont have to: ep.1: killing stalking

Killing Stalking is an online Korean manhwa by the creator known as Koogi, it is completed and I think getting an animated adaptation(???). TW: it contains lots of graphic and upsetting material such as sexual abuse, r^pe, murder, physical abuse, stalking, homophobia, slight transphobia, pedophilia, incest, the list goes on, please read my review at your discretion <3 contains spoilers

Forewarning so I dont get hate mail: I dont like or support this manhwa, i illegally read it as well so nothing goes towards the creator, I was as constructive as I could be in this review and I read it so you dont have to

Summary: yoon bum is a college student with borderline personality disorder and has been severally sexually traumatized. He has a crush on his classmate and old comrade in the army Oh Sangwoo. (Yoon is his family name so I'll be referring to him by Bum) Bum begins stalking him and one day breake into his house. Surprise! Theres a girl chained up in sangwoos basement, suprise again! Sangwoo is a serial killer and has taken Bum hostage. Over the course of the story Sangwoo repeatedly abuses Bum and makes him murder/assist in his murders. Bum and Sangwoo "bond" and Sangwoo begins to "trust" Bum and is more relaxed. An ex-detective now just plain cop who I forget the name of grows suspicious of Sangwoo but nobody believes him. It is revealed that Bum lived with his uncle due to his parents being dead, Bum looked like his mother in his Uncles eyes so his uncle repeatedly r^ped him. In the military Bum was harassed and almost r^ped if not for Sangwoo saving him, which caused Bum to develop a crush. Sangwoo had an abusive father, who his mother killed but blamed it on Sangwoo, over the course of months Sangwoos mother began to poison Sangwoo, and is hinted that he was most likely sexually abused by her. Sangwoo murdered her after she tried to kill him, Sangwoo is obsessed with Bum because he looks like Sangwoos mom (even called him "mom" in the middle of sex, yikes really proving freuds theory here buddy) eventually Sangwoo gets caught and is killed by an old lady (seriously) Bum also dies </3

Art: actually very good, the expressions are really nice 10/10, some of the backgrounds are lack luster but I dont blame them that shit is hard. The art improved noticeably over the seasons

The story: I felt like this whilst reading it

Its definitely just torture porn/regular porn I did not realize how much sex was involved in yaoi, I knew it was there but yeesh. Sangwoos depiction as a serial killer was actually pretty accurate so props to that (his victim type looks like his mommy, he has a routine in how he murders, he revisits grave sites, in some victims he keeps mementos, at first Bum's presence seems unusual until his mommy issues are revealed). After season 2 the tone shifted a lot probably due to the progression of stolkholm syndrome but it was still jarring. A lot of the earlier writing is confusing and contradictory and questions often are left unanswered (although the site I was using may have accidentally skipped some chapters.) Overall I dont reccomend reading it as it contains really sensitive and upsetting material, and romanticizes their abusive relationship and contains both homophobia and transphobia (bum is repeatedly called a pervert and a freak for his "homo tendencies" and his occasional cross dressing) but it's not baaaad? Some plot points and small details were good and thought out (in the beginning Sangwoo recognizes Bum plans to murder him and shows him in a discreet way where rat poison is and tricks Bum, at first you wonder how he knew then you see Sangwoos mom did the same thing to him, I thought that was clever) It had goodish writing and nice art, just handled a bit poorly for my taste, and I understand and feel the same as to why people dislike it/find it problematic. I'm not sure if you're supposed to feel sympathetic with Sangwoo in the end cause that's how it feels but he definitely earned what he got, go grandma!

My rating: I dont reccomend reading it, especially if you don't handle upsetting material very well, it's not as horrible as some yaoi/BL I will eventually review so it gets a 4 out of 5 what the fucks

Want a similar premise in a not fucked up(ish) way?: pls dont date serial killers, I have no reccs for this, just listen to true crime podcasts

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 31: Every Halloween Film

happy Halloween today i watched every Halloween film currently available to me. i couldnt get to rewatch Halloween 2018 but i already wrote about it a couple of weeks back so feel free to revisit that post. anyway, i watched ten Halloween movies today. It took around 17 hours. i started at 11:15am and im writing this now at 6 am.

so lets get to the post. for the most part i went in chronological order, except i chose to start with Rob Zombie’s remakes because i knew if i didnt id be finishing the day by watching them at the break of dawn and the idea of doing that was so fucking putrid to me that i decided to get them out of the way first.

Halloween (2007)

i hate this fucking movie. i mentioned in an ask the other day but im happy to repeat here, i dont hate the idea of expanding on Michael’s backstory. like the fact is we largely know his backstory, the issue is how this film chose to portray it. the original Halloween is frightening because its based around the idea that the seemingly safe, quiet suburbs are not as safe as they seem; you can be on a street youve known your entire life, only a few metres from your own home, and still at risk. the whole idea of showing Michael as a murderer when he was six is to tell us that anyone could be a threat, that our conventions that all killers are a particular kind of person is false.

Halloween 2007 says fuck that, we know what serial killers are, and theyre those poor kids who come from shitty neighbourhoods and have abusive parents and mothers who are sex workers. everything that Halloween brings to the table is fucking tedious, played out, and massively uninspired. it wants to bring us the truth about why Michael is like he is, but Rob Zombie’s only understanding of serial killers is in the cliche and exploitative. he has nothing honest about human nature to show us, only the exact same stories that have been fed to us by crime and horror movies past.

this film is incredibly loud and in fucking constant motion. even on steady shots of still scenes the camera constantly shakes, and in every other scene its always whirling around from tracking shot to panning over the scene to just idly zooming in and out of nothing. Zombie’s favourite shot is to have something large and out of focus in the foreground -- like some plants -- and to shoot the characters standing about six feet away muttering to themselves. every single fucking shot in this movie lingers too long, every scene drags a little longer than it needs to. this film moves with the pace that i would describe as “family guy gag”.

and this film is so loud. people are always talking or screaming, largely about nothing important or interesting. theres always music, but it never particularly adds anything; for reasons i fail to fucking understand the entirety of the original theme plays over mostly uninteresting tracking shots of a minor character walking around yelling filler lines about nothing.

the writing is horseshit. everyone in this film is vile, no one talks or behaves like real human beings. almost every exchange in this movie is the characters saying the exact same thing back and forth inanely, frequently punctuated by screaming FUCK as loudly as possible and talking about sex in a way that 40 year old men really really wished teenage girls talk about sex. Halloween (2007) is thoughtlessly gross and mean and nasty, disconnected from any kind of human sensitivity and empathy. it wants to be complicated and to be deep but its crushingly simplistic and stupid. the only thing that redeems it is that its not Halloween II (2009). speaking of which...

Halloween II (2009)

jesus christ this movie is so fucking boring. Halloween II is two hours long but feels like its about twenty hours long. i felt like i was watching this film for twenty days and twenty nights. i was trapped in an eternal purgatory with this movie.

i really cant fucking emphasise how boring this film is. endless scene after scene of nothing of consequence happening, uninteresting death scenes that add nothing, and Michael wandering around doing jack shit. Halloween II fucking made Michael Myers boring, and im saying this as someone who (as i repeat once every 8 seconds) has a tattoo of him. this film couldnt hold MY interest in two of my favourite characters of all time.

the big fun new addition from the first movie is the presence of Michael and Laurie’s mother as a kind of weird goth ghost guiding Michael to kill. i dont know why Michael had to be Jason Voorhees and be a mommy’s boy all of a sudden, but this addition brings absolutely nothing of interest to the film or to his character. its meant to be symbolic of fucking... something im sure, but it feels meaningless. somehow Michael and Laurie are both able to see and interact with this ghost and the ghost has an agenda to do... something? it feels about as intelligent and coherent as the bullshit cult of thorne shit from 6, but a lot less fun. at some point Michael Myers apparently has mind control powers?

not to repeat myself a hundred fucking times but this film is insanely unpleasant to watch. every scene someone is screaming, generally wailing “fuck you bitch” at anyone in their vicinity. this is two hours of people howling swear words at each other and not infrequently making rape jokes. Rob Zombie loves rape jokes! almost as much as he loves putting sexual assault in his movies over and over again for no reason.

there is nothing to enjoy in this film. theres nothing to gain. there is too much slow-mo and far too many strobe lights and absolutely nothing of any intelligence or grace. Halloween II is a thirteen year old boy in a korn T-shirt calling his mom a bitch while he draws zombies on  the back of his homework, which he will get an F for because the only thing he wrote was “reading is for faggots”.

Halloween (1978)

what the fuck can i say. this is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, if not the greatest. its one of my favourite movies. its forty years old and still just as chilling and frightening as it ever was. it has some shot composition and cinematography thats up with the best ive ever seen, all while being shot on a budget of $300,000. it does more with less than just about any film, launched the slasher genre, shot Jamie Lee Curtis to stardom and created a pop culture icon that stayed strong for decades. its a masterclass in tension and suspense, a lean-cut perfectly paced film with heaps of atmosphere and character.

i love this film with a frantic passion that makes me unable to talk about it in a particularly helpful way. i cant “review” Halloween. I love this film beyond reason and sense and you either get it or you dont.

Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is largely one of the less remembered entries in the franchise; its a decent enough movie, neither matching up to the highs of the original or the lows of the later films. its a pretty enjoyable little film, created under the logic of ‘well the first one did well, lets do the same thing again’. Carpenter wrote the script but didn’t direct, and while the film has a solid story, the directing lacks his signature flair. its hard to pinpoint, because the film is generally fairly well-shot, but lacks a kind of eye for shot composition that Carpenter made look easy, doesnt have as much patience for suspense.

on its own merits, theres still some great shots and great scenes in the movie. and a lot of really cool kills; II got a lot more creative with what Michael was capable of, and i think the boiling water drowning kill is rightfully pretty infamous.

this was the last Halloween movie Carpenter wrote, and it was the film where the idea of Laurie and Michael being siblings was introduced. and believe me ill defend this fucking decision to the grave. adding the human connection between Michael and Laurie gives a whole other layer to their relationship thats so fascinating to me, and i love that other films try to expand on the themes of family. in general, deciding that this film would continue to focus on Laurie and not do what later slashers did with bouncing around between different casts was a great fucking move, ironically for a franchise that was intended to be an anthology.

quietly exploring the aftermath of the first film was a good idea for a follow-up, and i especially really enjoy Loomis’ role in this movie, and his discussion about who Myers is. the biggest disappointment for me personally is that Laurie lacks a lot of presence in this film. Curtis is great, as always, but the movie dawdles on some side characters who are too disconnected from her to get a sense of what shes going through.

all that being said, Halloween II is decent. the ending is really great, with some really powerful shots. Michael bleeding from the eyes of his mask after Laurie shoots him is one of the best fucking images in horror and him swinging blindly as Laurie and Loomis slowly orchestrate his death is a fucking amazing scene. i have an immense fondness for this movie, with all its flaws. it brings a lot of really cool concepts to the table, and i think it deserves some appreciation.

heres a question tho; where the fuck were Laurie’s parents. theres a suggestion theyre missing, but theres no explanation why and we never hear from them. did michael kill them too? hello? mr and mrs strode? your daughter just fucking killed a guy and all her friends are dead. where the fuck are you.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III is infamous as being the Halloween movie that isn’t about Michael Myers at all. when it first released it was wildly unpopular and remained so for quite a while, but has had a surge in popularity over the last few years. i think just about every horror critic i know now considers Halloween III one of the best in the franchise. and to be fair to it, its a great little movie. not a slasher at all but rather a conspiracy thriller, Halloween III is all about the mystery of what the Silver Shamrock mask-making company are really up to, and why people are disappearing. its a weird and creative little movie, with some really fucking great practical effects that turn it from just being a thriller to being an all-out horror film. it has a few too many ineffective jumpscares and some of the plot twists are kind of disappointing and feel a little too much like the easy option -- and then others are so wildly bizarre no one would see them coming because theyre fucking completely out there. but i kind of love that sort of nonsense in a horror movie. like lets just have a fucking good time in here for once in our fucking lives.

Halloween III is not a perfect or even a really great movie, but yknow, fuck it. the idea that only perfect films are worth watching is dumb. i appreciate the weird shit this film tried and i think it deserves a lot more respect than what it got; if it had been released under another title it probably would have gone down as a classic instead of being derided for years, you ask me.

now things start going rapidly downhill

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Halloween 4 is when Jamie is introduced as the new final girl; Laurie’s seven year old daughter, after Laurie herself died off-screen in a fucking car crash. the decision to kill off Laurie came from Jamie Lee Curtis decided not to return to the character and instead of recasting her, they went with just having her… die. off-screen. in the franchise where the previous two movies were about her triumph and determination to stay alive. like its the casual thoughtlessness of this that, the idea no one would give a shit a character returned, that in my eyes epitomises how fucking little anyone cared about this franchise going forward.

man the idea of Laurie dying completely irrelevant to Michael… thats a lot. anyway continuing on his quest to erase anyone related to him, Michael starts targeting his niece Jamie for the three movies in the franchise. this is where the series started rapidly losing any grip on reality. while Michael always had some kind of superhuman elements to him (he took six bullets to the chest and survived in the first movie) these became increasingly wildly exaggerated. now hes crushing peoples skulls with his bare hands shit like what the fuck. first of all do that to me and secondly, it was this kind of slide into unreality that let the supernatural elements of the series creep in further until you end up with the shitshow that is Halloween 6. like it was the decrease in the impact of violence and human life that really fucked this franchise over.

this film is not great. its a definite decline in quality after 2 and was on the slippery slope downwards. it has some high points, primarily in Dr Loomis. Donald Pleasance is a better actor than most movies deserve and brings gravitas to a role that in the hands of a less capable actor would be laughable. his sincere plea to Michael at one point to just kill him instead of going after Jamie is honestly fucking tragic.

outside of that, the film isnt massively interesting. Michael himself isnt particularly threatening or engaging, and his mask looks like shit in this film. the characters in this film are largely very stupid, also, which doesnt help anything much.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

if theres a Halloween movie people talk about the least, its this one. II has the sibling twist, III is the black sheep, 4 is the return, even 6 gets talked about for its troubled production history. no one has anything to say about Halloween 5. and thats mostly because there is fucking nothing to say about Halloween 5. it is a relentlessly fucking dull movie that pads out its 100 minute run time with endless unnecessary scenes of shit that does… nothing. this film is dull in a way that i find incredibly detestable. i cant even watch it through a haze of impassioned anger like i can with the also incredible dull Halloween II (2009). its just fucking boring. every single scene drags like its trying to walk on two broken legs. the plot is so bare bones its nonsensical. it constantly adds new characters and new elements but all that does is makes it more incoherent and confusing. watching this movie i literally found my fucking eyes glazing over in my skull. if this film was edited correctly it would be twenty minutes long. i cannot fucking emphasise enough how much of relentless slog it is. Halloween 4 was dull but even that had the lifeline of ‘some cool ideas’. Halloween 5 is nothing. Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water.

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

if Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water Halloween 6 is just a fresh hot glass of piss. there are two versions of Halloween 6, the director’s cut and the theatrical release, and both are wretched. this film went full ham with introducing the supernatural elements, telling us that Michael was his whole life psychically controlled by a pagan cult called the Cult of Thorne in order to make Halloween scary again or summon the devil or who fucking cares. this movie is fucking insufferably dull, totally absurd, and wildly unsympathetic. i loathe Halloween 6 and every terrible, stupid plot decision it makes. Paul Rudd defeats Michael Myers by drawing druid symbols on the ground and Michael just gives up and lies down. theres a baby that does nothing and serves no purpose. Halloween is apparently banned in Haddonfield, which makes this more closely related to Footloose than Halloween i think. this film takes itself incredibly seriously while spouting nothing but total fucking bullshit drivel and i dont believe that anyone involved in this movie, from the cast to the cameraman to the guy who served the lunch had any faith in this movie outside of the vague hope it might make money and i wish this movie had been burned at the stake. also i hate Paul Rudd.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

oh thank fucking god finally some good fucking food. Halloween H20 took the decision to retcon all the sequels (except II) twenty years before Halloween 2018, proving that everyone knew 5 and 6 were fucking mistakes.

this film loses a lot of the Halloween feeling in favour of making a more generic late 1990s/early 2000s style horror. theres nothing particularly interesting about the way this movie is directed or shot, the music is largely very generic, it has a generally uninteresting glossy quality to it that studio movies always do. its very obvious this movie was inspired by Scream and it looks a lot more like Scream than it does Halloween. all of this makes me kind of sad, but other films in the franchise have proved that other directors generally are not capable of imitating Carpenter’s style so maybe its better they dont really try.

what H20 does so well, and the reason i love it so much, is that it explores the relationship between Michael and Laurie, which is something im endlessly fascinated with. this was the first movie to have Laurie shake off her fear and rise up against Michael, and while it doesnt do it with quite as much depth and intelligence as Halloween 2018, it still has a fucking good crack at Laurie’s character, and its still powerful watching her turn on the man who terrorised her for years. Michael is great in this movie too; while he has a terrible mask, watching him back on his shit as a furious force of nature who wants nothing more than to destroy anyone who gets in his way.

honestly i kind of enjoy having a Halloween in a different style; theres something fun about seeing characters recontextualised and done with justice and empathy. most of the Halloween sequels before this one (and after, looking at Resurrection) are shallow, unconcerned with any kind of emotional depth or personality. and while a lot of the stock filler characters in H20 who are lined up for the chopping block arent that interesting and dont particularly standout, watching Jamie Lee Curtis’ performance and seeing her interplay with Michael is enough. and most of the side characters arent particularly annoying, which is more than i can say for half this franchise.

this film also has what is one of my absolute favourite endings in a movie ever; the final confrontation between Michael and Laurie has a particular interaction between them that i absolutely adore and that alone is enough to make this movie one of my favourites.

H20 isnt perfect; it weirdly feels like a blueprint that Halloween 2018 would later refine into a better movie, but the idea its going to be completely disregarded for Halloween 2018 in the future makes me a little sad. in the face of so many fucking mediocre and awful Halloween sequels it did the right thing in trying to focus on what actually mattered; the connection between Michael and Laurie, although i dont feel like it succeeded in making Michael as scary as 2018 would much later. that said, the shot where Michael and Laurie just stare at each other through the glass of a window? that gives me chills every time. and hearing the Halloween theme kick in as Laurie marches off into the school with an axe looking for Michael is so fucking triumphant.

i love H20 even if Michael’s mask looks like his hair was dunked in a bucket of water and then gently blow-dried. i have no idea why it looks so fucking stupid in this movie. why is it so hard to get Michael’s mask right. you wouldnt think it was that fucking hard. anyway, i really fucking love Laurie Strode a lot, which didnt help to make Resurrection any easier to swallow.

Halloween: Resurrection

so whats the obvious thing to do after you have a movie where the power and emotion all comes from the emotional catharsis of seeing a woman get her vengeance on her tormentor? you, uh, make a sequel in which she is immediately defeated and pointlessly killed after its revealed her victory at the end of the previous film was entirely false, and then you never return to focus on her and instead introduce a horde of entirely uninteresting stock characters. yeah, makes sense.

Resurrection is fucking incredibly stupid, in the kind of fucking hysterical way only really bad horror movies can capture. theres absolutely nothing of Halloween in this other than the presence of Michael, who just as easily could have been replaced with anyone or anything. the story has a group of people on a reality show staying in the Myers house to… stay there? its not entirely clear what the challenge is meant to be, other than to just be inside the house, which i imagine gets to be pretty dull viewing pretty quickly. theres no suggestion theyre like, hunting for ghosts or something along those lines, theyre just… looking at stuff.

Michael slopes around this movie like he doesnt fucking understand where he is or whats going on, an entirely out of place relic of better times past while the cast cavorts around him doing nothing of interest and having no plots or characterisation to speak of. the film has exactly two or three funny moments, including the legendary ‘Michael Myers getting electrocuted in the dick by Busta Rhymes’, but youre way, way better off just looking that up on youtube instead of watching this movie. there is an hour of pointless plot development about characters no one cares about until Michael starts fucking killing people. this movie shouldnt exist and we should all go back to pretending it doesnt.

and thats it. thats all the halloween films. i can die now.

[libraryleopard]

thank you for answering my comics questions!! i dont know anyone else who is into these and i really wanted to hear opinions from someone who was really passionate about it. i also am a big young avengers fan and was pretty much only reading x-factor for prodigy (ok it was actually bc i saw the scene where speed meets northstar scene and thought well guess i have to read this now) and i felt pretty weird about how prodigy's arc was wrapped up. it felt kind of anticlimactic to me, and then obviously everything spiraled off into trials of magneto.....

i'm interested to see where trials of magneto goes just because i'm very invested in the magneto family tree, but i feel like the stakes are kind of low just because like. i don't think magneto killed her because it would be too obvious, and the comic previews have already said that she's not totally dead.

also i'm kind of confused about tommy calling wanda "mommy" when they found her body?? like hello didn't you meet her for the first time when you were like 16???? you haven't even interacted on panel since like, children's crusade. what is this. when did you have time to build any relationship with her

I'm just gonna start putting comic thoughts under a cut because they keep getting too long haha

Oh, I'm always willing to talk about comics lately! Yeah, I'm In the same boat a bit, I'm a Young Avengers fan who got into X-Men comics partially to follow those characters which means a lot of my investment is in the Maximoff family and Prodigy. I understand that the resolution of the mystery of Prodigy's death was kind rushed because of X-Factor's cancellation and editorial meddling, two things out of Leah Williams' hands but yeah, still didn't love it and I think writing about a Black bi character dying because of a hate crime would be a tricky or maybe even impossible plot line for a white writer to pull off sensitively even without squishing a number of other things into the same issue. (Especially because before the reveal I'd been seeing the theory that the weirdness around David's death was that it hadn't been properly verified and the original powerless David was still out there, which would have fascinating implications regarding the resurrection protocols and cloning, but I digress.)

I think stakes are kind of tricky for this era of X-Men because death is so cheap–for instance, during X of Swords they tried to pull something about how dying in the Otherworld meant it would be impossible to resurrect people with their original personalities and memories intact because of multiverse weirdness, but even that felt kind of forced. Honestly, even though I do have issues with Leah Williams' writing, the time in X-Factor when Akihiro loses the memory of one of his teammates caring enough to come to save him because he dies is the one really good moment I've encountered where a writer has managed to figure out how to make dying have stakes when it's so easy to come back to life. I wouldn't be surprised if something similar happens with Wanda–like because she wasn't considered a mutant when she died, they can't bring her back fully intact or there are different versions of her for different eras or something like that. It's pretty much a given that Magneto didn't kill her (it would be a pretty dumb for a murder mystery to have the killer be the original suspect, TBH), so I guess the stakes are supposed to be more about whether Wanda will become a mutant again and whether Krakoans can accept her even after she caused the Decimation.

Wanda is also tricky in regards to X-Men comics because she's been a scapegoat for the Decimation for so long-and yes it was bad but like…she was having a mental breakdown and has tried to atone for a long time and is still vilified in-universe and out, meanwhile the Krakoan council is letting Mister Sinister and other villains who have been totally in control of their faculties while doing terrible things without regret hang around so like…bit of a double standard there on the island! I know Leah Williams is sympathetic to Wanda and I wouldn't be surprised if this event is partially about trying to find Wanda a place among the X-Men again, but I do feel like it might have been more interesting to acknowledge Wanda's gradual growth and attempts to atone since Avengers Dissembled/the Decimation rather than doing a weird murder mystery but eh, I guess we'll see how it goes down at the end of the trial. (Calling it the Trial of Magneto is wild to me though, like I know it's an editorial/higher-up decision but you really want to try and compete with Chris Claremont's original Trial of Magneto in Uncanny X-Men #200, one of the most iconic single issues of X-Men ever?)

Tommy's role also felt kinda random to me too–I think Leah Williams likes him as a character which is why he got to hang around with Northstar (I did love that) and pop up in X-Factor, but he and Wanda have just never gotten any significant development as a family unit since they realized they were related. There's certainly a lot of fandom interest in Tommy, but his canon development is just not all that deep. I mean, ideally the Trial's going to conclude with Magneto being reinstated as the Maximoff's father and that family solving at least a few of their issues so maybe they can interact more in the coming years, but that did have me a little "okay……"

Wanda and the Maximoff family are kind of a tangled web of comic continuity and relationships even without the whole background of a kind-of-fucked-up mutant paradise island and a murder mystery so it definitely wouldn't be an easy story to write under any circumstances, I guess we'll just have to see how it pans out.

GEEZ that was long, oh well.

[0asis-sanctuary-0wn]

what i truly feel - august 10, 2020

It has always been rough...

i dont know where to start

but what i feel is that i am really lonely, physically and emotionally lonely

people always ask me to message them when you need someone. and most of the people ignore you at the most.

i know that the world can’t revolve around me..... but i am just asking a little bit of hope that there is someone who really cares about me.

am i being selfish? am i asking for too much? i dont know, maybe i am maybe i am not. 

i am just trying my best to fight for each day. i feel like people think i have a problem and that’s it. they will not do anything about it and let me have it or take care of it. 

do i really have to know who truly cares and who doesn’t?

maybe people have their own problems too.

maybe i am just way too sensitive and alone. 

i might have not trusted God fully yet because i still feel these things.

although I think He will not automatically remove all of the pain in an instant. 

i think with every problem we have to take lessons from it.

Now I know that I always come back to Him. 

He makes sure I always come back to Him.

I wish that I will stop coming back to Him only if there are bad things happening around me. 

I will come back to Him much even when my days are high and happy. 

Lord,

I thank you for the days i have lived and for the days i will live in the future. thank you for all the blessings you gave me such as having tangible and intangible things in life. thank you for the gift of time that I am able to know myself and you Lord. Thank you for all the lessons you partake in my life in various ways you could possibly think of. 

I am sorry for all the shortcomings I have done and will do in the future. I am sorry for my impurities and faults to you. I am sorry for the times i did not obey your Words. 

Now, I pray for myself, so that i can find my inner self confidence and love that will make me successful just the way I am. I pray that I will be able to keep moving forward and looking for you Lord no matter what it may be. I pray for my healing, sickness, mental health and my family&friends. I pray for my safety. 

Now I pray for my family and friends, especially mommy amy that she could be a better person and to know what would be the best for us, i pray that she will stop giving up on me. i pray that she will be proud of who i am and who i am going to be. i pray that she would learn the mistakes she has done and stood up for them. i pray that she will finally understand me. i pray for mommy leni, please give her all the strength she needs each day. i pray for her safety always. i pray that she will not feel anymore pain so that she can sleep at night. i pray for daddy so that he will fully come back to you. the real you and be your child not just for the sake of it. i pray for kuya rj’s happiness and safety. I pray for ate colleen health and mental health, i pray that she will also find true happiness in life. i pray for nanay so that she will realize things before she may pass and i pray not soon.. i pray for her life that she may still live on with us. i pray for tita ging, for her life her success in her business. i pray that she will not be so much apathetic and quiet about things that it is okay to speak up and to be less defensive. i pray for kuya jc, for his recovery and for him to have a normal life that i pray He wants to have. I pray to tita connie and tito gerry, please restore their relationship, because we really dont know what is really happening with them. i pray that they will be safe and learn from their mistakes and to be open to learn from others. i pray for kuya ico and ate ja, for them to have a healthy baby and for kuya to have the strength and willingness to love his first family the most. 

Now, I pray for my friends especially the ones who are working in difficult areas. I pray for my friends who are studying to give them the motivation to keep pushing each day. I pray for their safety and happiness. 

Now, i pray for the world. for all the people who needs your help Lord, the people who do not have homes, do not have food to eat, people who are stuck in hospitals because of the disease, and the people who are fighting for the disease. I pray that there will be solidarity about the main problem and issue here which was the virus and nothing else. I hope that the people who have more power than me will make the most rightful decisions in fighting this battle. 

amen and amen Lord.

[spnbaby-67]

Craving You Chapter 9

Synopsis: The reader has a wonderful day with Jensen, but it ends when she runs into her bully from high school that made her life a living hell. What happens at the ball field and what does Jensen do?

A.N: Hey ya’ll, sorry it’s a bit late, I’ve been busy with work and such. Plus ive been having really bad days to where i want to give up and say forget it. but i can’t and i have to do my best to deal with it. I’m ok, but just got lots of stuff on my mind and can’t talk to anyone about it because i have no one to talk to. But Alas here is chapter 9 next chapter is really really good, and we find out about Jensen’s job. I promise it gets better after here. This story is AU and Jensen is single. no hate to Danneel i love her to. My work is to not be published anywhere and gifs i use i dont make so thank you to the original creators.

Warnings:  fluffy, bullying, language, sensitive issues with bullying, fighting.

Jensen pulled up into the drive right at 2:50 pm, which gave us a bit of time to be by ourselves before Jo came knocking on the window. He undone my seat belt and motioned for me to slide closer to him. I smiled, and did just that. When a good looking man like him ask you to come closer to him, do it. He put his arm around my neck and I snuggled under his shoulders just perfectly, then laid my head against him. My eyes closed a few times to reel him in, he was so comfortable and he smelt so good that I could stay like this forever. I still feel like this is a dream and I’m going to wake up any minute now. Because honestly, I’ve never fell so hard for someone in a short period of time. I know I shouldn’t feel anything, I mean geez it’s only been what 40 hours since I met him. But he’s making it so easy to be myself, and let go and let whatever take over. Lord, please don’t be playing a game on my heart. I sighed silently, hoping he didn’t hear me.  So many times I wanted to thank him for today, being with him and meeting his friends. But at the same time, I didn’t want anything to mess up the wonderful silence and the relaxation we both were feeling at this moment, so I kept it to myself. With him underneath me I can tell he was calm. He was breathing normally, as his right hand rubbed up and down my arm almost in sync with his breathing. If he holds someone like this all the time if not me, whomever he marries I sure hope they know what a lucky person they are.

I felt him move, and I look up at him. Just as I did, his lips were on mine. He shifted so he could kiss me without us being in an awkward position. His tongue got caught in my mouth as I sucked on it, which he didn’t seem to mind. He then glided his tongue around my mouth as if to savor the moment, or to remember time spent together. He taste like coffee and mint, which are my two favorite combinations I could kiss him forever. Little moans here and there between us both captivated us that we didn’t hear a knock on the window.

Jensen looked at me with a smile and I laughed a bit. “Jo always knows when to interrupt.” I told him.

He took his right hand ran it to the side of my face to tuck a strand of loose hairs behind my ear. “It’s ok, I’m sure we’ll have some time together soon.” He winked at me as he opened the door.

“It’s about time, I thought you were going to swallow her whole.” She patted Jensen on the back shoulder as he helped me out.

I look at Jo, “Um, it’s the other way around.” I felt crimson creep up my cheeks then looked down at the driveway.

Jensen pulled me closer to him with his right arm around my waist as if he didn’t want to let me go.

“Ah hum, I see that. Well, missy you and I have a date.” She pried me from Jensen and linked her arms with mine. “Jay, see you at the ball field?” She asked as we walked away from him, we both looked back.

“I’ll be there.” He winked at us, and like a schoolgirl  with a massive crush I giggled and blushed, I quickly turned my head, so he wouldn’t see the crimson rising on my cheeks.

I watched him leave out of the curtains of the living room, Jo came over to me. She leaning into my back with her arms on my shoulders “Someone is in love.”  She hugs me and then pulls me over to the couch, we sit down and she snuggles up next to me. “So, you like him don’t you?”

I shrugged my shoulders like a bashful kid, “Yes, I do like him. But it’s weird I mean we just met yesterday, and I feel like this is all a dream. Like I’m back at home knocked out because I hit my head or something, you know how clumsy I can be.”

She smiled at me then took my hands in hers. “Babe, Jensen is a great guy. I see how he looks at you, and honestly, I saw ya’ll sitting in the truck right before I came to interrupt you. It looked so natural for you to be his arms like that, I’ve never seen him that comfortable with someone. Give it a shot, don’t question it. See how it goes, invite him to the barbeque tomorrow and take him horseback riding, ooh better yet there’s a carnival in town take him to that.” She was getting all excited about my love life, funny thing was I was enjoying it.

“We just met yesterday morning at Starbucks Jo, I mean what’s the coincidence that he was even on the same plane. Plus, you know him and he lives here and works in Vancouver, kisses like a dream, he smells amazing. I mean he’s perfect, and I’m me. I got bills, I’m in debt up to my eyeballs it’s just so overwhelming. Besides, I’m supposed to be here with you. I couldn’t do that.”

She grabbed my hands, when I’m nervous or talk to fast without taking a breath I tend to wave my hands in the air for no reason.

“Hey, calm down. You’re freaking out for absolutely no reason at all, this is just the beginning of something that could be. The chances of you meeting Jensen yesterday, I mean that is what you call fate or 1 in a million.  It’s how I met Jeff, if this works out between the both of you it will be great. Just give it a chance and take it day by day.”

I sighed, “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll see how it goes, but damn when he kisses me the way he does, I’ve never been kissed like that.” I felt my cheeks turn red.

She leaned into me our foreheads touched, “I’m happy for you, I want you to be happy for once. You have had a hard life and deserve a chance at this, whatever it is. You deserve it ok, just go with it.”

I sat straight and looked at her. “You have been there for me more than I can count that means a lot to me. I’m scared though, I mean Jensen he’s him, I’m me. I do call it fate or whatever, but how do I know. How do I really know?”

“You will know, when your heart skips beats every time he walks into the room, the way he looks at you, you look at him. Watch his body language, does he sit close to you? Apparently, he does if he’s kissed you. There are so many signs {Y/N} that you can look for, most important though, is how he is with you around your friends and such. That’s why I invited him to the ball field to see how he interacts with everyone. I know he goes all the time with Jeff, but you're there this time. See how he is with public affections, did ya’ll hold hands while you walked around the school?”

I smiled remembering the school tour and how he constantly stayed by me holding my hand. “He did, in fact we saw Lisa Braeden.”

Her eyes got wide, “Did she cause any trouble?”  

“No, she wanted to I could tell. But Jensen took over the conversation and she walked away, like she was embarrassed or something. I wanted to hide behind him, but he held me really close to him and I felt ok.”

“Good, because I would definitely be glad to put her in her place again, unfortunately, her husband is Jeff’s boss and on the basketball team. So, she’ll be there. Just stay by Jensen or me, I’m sure you’ll be ok.” She rubbed my shoulder to comfort me.

We talked a bit more about our day before we got ready for Jeff’s game. I looked over at the counter to see Jeff on the phone, who he was talking to though, I have no clue.  But the looks on his face was a mix of concern, worry, and fake smiles when he catches me looking at him. I know his job is not my business, but just the way his body language told me something serious was up, I opted to not quiz him on it.

After Jo and I had lunch at a small café close to the house, we get to the ball field on time for Jeff to warm up the team. He’s team coach so he’s responsible with warm ups and such. Jo and I go to the side we were to sit on, and put our bags on the bleachers. About to sit down, guess who decides to show up.  Yup, you guessed it. Lisa Braeden. High school queen, Ms. All Around ,Ms. most likely to succeed, you name it, she was it. She also was the my school bully, a day did not go by without her bullying me in some way.

“HI {Y/N}, wow twice in one day. I guess you really missed me, huh?” She walked over to us like she owned the park.

“If you ask me, no I didn’t. Not a day goes by that I miss you.” I crossed my arms, “In fact, the day of graduation was the second best day of my life followed by my best day when I went away to college. It was such a relief to not be looking over my shoulder everyday. Honestly, I actually feel sad for you I’ve moved on I have a good life that’s gotten even better in the past two days, but you haven’t changed a bit. I don’t even know how you live with yourself, I figured you would have grown up by now, but it’s true what they say.” I paused and looked at her as she had her hand on her hip. “People who abuse others are always going to be abusive, and you missy haven’t changed at all.”

“Seriously? You think I abused you all those years?” She let out a laugh, “That’s so funny, it wasn’t abuse {Y/N}, You were a joke, you do know you made it too easy for me? You and your low life smelly dirty hand me down clothes, I guess your mommy never took you shopping. Oh that’s right you didn’t have a mommy!” She laughed “Which would explain your prom dress, made of what a feed sack?”

I wanted to punch her right then and there, the heat in my cheeks went from 0 to 100 in seconds,my hands clenched into fists my nails dig into the palms,but I knew that I couldn’t do that. Jeff would have to arrested me for assault and it would ruin the whole week I had with Jo, knowing my luck Jensen would realize that I'm the last woman in the world he would want to be with. So, I just stepped back as Jo she was trying her best to remain calm and hold onto me.

“You don’t know a thing about my life,” I gave her a go to hell look, “You don’t know half the crap I went thru not only from you, but from everyone ie teachers, my father, the stupid social worker. You have no rights to judge my life, you weren’t there to see the abuse I got at home. Between you and my dad, I don’t know who was worse. So for all I care, you can go to fucking hell, honestly I don’t know what made you this way and I’m sure quite a few people regret having you in their lives Hmmm how is Gabe by the way? I heard a rumor the he and Becky was caught together in a janitor’s closet.

Before I could turn around, I felt a fist meeting my eye. I fell back and into the arms of Jensen who just happened to arrive just then. I started to go lung at her, but he grabbed both of my arms and held me back.

“That’s right let your bodyguard take care of you, seeing you can’t fight anyways.” She stood there with her arms crossed her chest, I guess waiting to see what happened next.

Jo had arrived back with Jeff and saw my eye, Jensen was still holding me back. “I don’t care what happened,” Jeff spoke, “But this is unacceptable for any of you to act like children. We are in a public place filled with cops and feds, knock it off or you both will be arrested.” He looked at us both. “Do I make myself clear?”

I just nodded as Lisa left with a huff, I mean what the hell is her fucking problem. Jeff looked at me, “I’m fine,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Stay away from her, her husband is my boss. I don’t need shit from him, just because you two can’t play nice.”

“Fine, but she started it.”

He put his finger and thumb by his lips as to say zip it. “Not another word {Y/N}, I will have my eye on you both all night.”

His face showed he meant business, and I just walked off. I didn’t see Jeff talk to Jensen, but I did feel him grab my arm.

Eventually, the drama calmed down right before the game started. Thank goodness to, because I thought Jeff was going to whip out some handcuffs and arrest us or something. Jensen sat behind me and I was in front of him with my body between his legs, I laid back against him, he placed an ice pack over my eye from Lisa’s punch. Seriously, that was so not cool just reminds me of high school all over again. Can you say Déjà vu?

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