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wiltedprimrose · 8 months ago

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EPISODES OF MY LIFE.

———— ONE.

im shameless, i know. i just cant get over it. i just want you to know that you left so much memories in me. there are so many things and places which remind me of you. it feels like i cant even live my normal life ever again. i sometimes struggle to even catch a breath. still remember how much i trembled that night. losing weight, cutting my hair short. i dont know, perhaps thats just hows life after break up. dont worry, im getting better now.

i have so many things i wish i said and did to you back then. i regret i didnt do any of that just because i was too embarrassed if i look like i love you too much in front of you. yet here i am, dare to hope you only take the good memories when youre with me. such an irony while i might be hurting you more than creating good memories with you. im sorry.

if later in life you dont seem to find anything youre looking for in someone else, come back to me. i might still standing at the same door, waiting for you. i’ll be welcoming you with the warmest hug i could give. i promise i’ll love you better.

i hope you can go back to the life before you met me. you dont need to lie just to make me feel good anymore—im sorry if you thought you need to do it when you were with me—im sorry if being with me made you unable to express your true self. and while youre doing that (going back to the life that you had before), i’ll also try my best to move on with my life, living a better life. spent almost 3 years with you made me learn so many great things. thank you. i wish i could be with you longer because everyday i just want more of you. i dream about the day where i can fully live my life with you, share and discuss our thoughts whenever we want to, listening and to be listened, doing fun things together, waking up and feel safe because i’ll get to see your face every morning. i wish there would be a way to make “us” happen again. i wish i could be with you longer.

im sorry. youre always be enough for me.

eat well. live well. have a good life.

———— TWO.

life after break up sucks. what about the time when i miss you too much? what should i do to fill the void after you left me? never imagined there’d be a time for me to keep on going living my life without you in it.

can i call you?

i really want to hear your voice.

oh, life after break up sucks. i cant even call you whenever i want to and tell you about my day. i cant even send messages to my friends, especially guys because i dont feel comfortable texting them. i have nowhere to go. i miss you so much.

i wish i could be with you longer.

turns out i love you too much to the point im irrational sometimes.

———— THREE.

just a mess. my messy thoughts. i’ll just write whatever that popped in my head.

why do i love you so much it hurts… i tried to think about your bad habits, bad treatments you gave to me while we were together, and yet i failed to be mad at you. i found myself hoping for you to come back again. i want you. it felt right when i was loved by you. trying hard not to call you for only god knows how many times. i hate when i relapse while im at work, my mood suddenly drops and i feel empty inside. cant we meet up just for me to have some closure? i wake up every morning just to be reminded that youre not here with me anymore. cant we just try again and rethink about everything? fuck i hate it because every corner reminds me of you. why did you left so much memories in me I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. day by day those memories make me feel miserable. i want you and only you. WHY DID YOU THINK YOU CAN LEAVE ME JUST LIKE THIS? WHY DID YOU NEED SO MUCH TIME TO REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE? so cruel. bringing up my old mistakes, made me feel guilty and blaming myself. i believe we already talked about that and i thought you were okay with it? i left it all in 2022 and never want to do it again because I KNOW IT HURTS YOU. only have my eyes for u bc i dont want to hurt you again. whenever i chatted with a guy it felt like i cheated on you and thats why i dont really replied to them. I RESPECT YOU AS MY BOYFRIEND. about that one specific person you’ve always mentioned, it happened when that bitch dmed me about you. i thought i wouldnt want to be in the middle of other’s relationship so i left you. I DIDNT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NO MORE BC I KNOW YOURE UNCOMFORTABLE. i said it was okay and it was your past so i never want to talk about it ever again. I RESPECT YOU. im responsible with what i chose. i tried to change my way of seeing things and learned about everything you dont like. when you stood me up that time bc you suddenly said you couldnt make it to my office while im waiting for you to bring my flashdisk, remember what did i tell you? i told you it was fine. i wasnt angry nor badmood. bc i was fully aware that you might had important things to do. you also hate it when i complained. I LEARNED ALL ABOUT YOU AND TRIED HARD NOT TO DISAPPOINT YOU. i learn to be a better person. i learn to be more patient and think about whatever you said to me. after you said you hate when i complained about you being late, i never got angry whenever someone makes me wait for them. i left my ego. but you didnt want to see it as my effort. you always thought your effort always bigger than me, no? and YOU? constantly reminding me about my past mistakes, made me feel bad about myself. think about how many promises you gave to me and now you think you just can go away with it and YOU REALLY THINK I’D EASILY FIND SOMEONE NEW? lol. i guess im really that cheap in your eyes. LITTLE DID YOU KNOW YOUR PAST TRAUMATIZED ME. THATS WHY IM SO WORRIED WHENEVER YOURE OUT OF THIS TOWN. im happy when you updated me and told me whatever you were doing that day. i just cant forget about that dm. it was terrifying. you never want to share everything to me while i always shared every little thing with you. was afraid you’d find someone else who could listen to your problems better than me. about your parents, if your fam talked to me how theyre mad at me bc youre the only one who initiates to become closer to my family, youre the one who initiates to bring me closer to your family, im quiet sad bc you do know i never go to your town even after my dad moved there. but once my family had a plan to go there, i automatically think about your family. i even bought a new cloth and ordered so much snacks bc i was excited to see your parents. you knew about it. sadly at that time i suddenly couldnt go there bc my car broke and need to be repaired. my dad went home and brought all the snacks i ordered that day. that night when i visited your house bc i know your parents there, did you tell me to do it? no. i planned to go there myself bc i wanted to see your parents so that they know im serious with you. i want to be with you.

i often said sorry to you bc i know i couldnt reciprocate all things you gave to me. you said it was ok so LET ME ASK YOU, whats with the change of heart? bc when you decided to leave, i just read contradictions in every reasons you pointed out and all the things you said to me when we were together. you just wanted to justify your decision.

you know i didnt want to be with you since day one. i rejected you many times. i wanted our relationship to end since day one. i told you to find someone new since day one bc all we did just argue with each other. BUT YOU REFUSED. you asked for a chance, second chance, and so on BUT WHEN I FINALLY GAVE IN AND FELL HARD, you decided to leave. and when i asked for a chance, you didnt even want to give it to me. funny bc after all these times you always said we could always communicate yet this time you chose to not to do it. ive only known you for almost 3 years—a short moment—so i thought it was normal for us to have different opinions. like what you said to me, we could always discuss.

you just left me here all alone in the dark while blaming myself and you think that i could go on just fine with my life. being with you used to be my dream. now that it shattered, i dont know how my future would be. you dont know how it feels like whenever our friends asked me about you. you dont know how it feels like to relapse whenever i finally thought i’d be just fine without you. you dont know how hurt it is when something which once was your biggest dream has to be buried.

———— FOUR.

im tired of feeling this way. never thought i need you so much. cant we just go back together?

———— FIVE.

one last cry.

heard about you from a friend. they didnt tell me before bc they know i’d be sad. now i know and i dont know how to feel about it. stupid me for begging you to stay in my life. stupid me. whats the point of trying to change things we cant change? stupid me. but i guess it is what it is. i’ll deal with it on my own. please be happy with whatever you choose to do with your life.

guess it’s time to put you out of my mind and start anew.

god bless.

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titan-god-helios · 1 year ago

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tw self-destruction mention, painkillers, overdose, s/h, eating disorder

like. what if i didn't stop taking the painkillers actually. but i don't want to die i just want to suffer. or make the outside look like the inside. i'm so fucked that i scared myself out of the painkiller od shebang but i'm still kind of fucking addicted to them, considering i've been consistently taking them almost everyday for like. a month or so. or if not addicted to them specifically then addicted to the s/h. cause fuck man i need to stop taking them or else i'm gonna fuck up my body permanently before im even 18 but if i stop i need to fill that void somehow with some other form of self harm but i cant cut or scratch or poke or do anything that will leave marks because if they get seen i'll just get in trouble for self harming or get ostracised or misunderstood instead of getting help but at the same time i NEED to do something like that. that's why the painkillers worked so well - they're invisible but i know it's still harmful and i can feel it when i get peaceful or my heart starts to race a bit or my side starts to hurt or i cant breathe properly for a minute or two before it goes back to normal. i wish magic was real. then i could scratch the shit out of my skin all i want and then heal it with magic and badabingbadaboom no one would have to see. i wouldn't have to hide anything in fear of getting told off for self harming (which. if you think about it is real fucking stupid). maybe i should go back to my eating disorders n shit. but then again im too heavily watched all the time every day to actually stop eating like i fucking want to, and i dont feel like binging because ahahaha. body issues are already bad rn why the fuck would i make it worse. anyway i'll probably drink or something tomorrow. today. whatever. bye

#yeah please no reblogs or comments on this #likes are okay ig #just going insane dont mind me #s/h #sh #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #tw sh related #tw painkillers #tw overdose #tw disordered eating #tw ed

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cynettic · 3 years ago

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Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find - pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight.

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long.

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest.

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…”

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…”

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck.

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

#genshin impact #genshin impact hc #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #kitsune reader #yandere scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #reader x scaramouche #scaramouche angst #writing #angst

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kunimikat · 4 years ago

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How they act after you break up with them.

(I made sure to check but there might be small grammar errors, and this is a long one so strap in 🙇, but hope you enjoy angst+fluff here) but not me actually feeling bad for them after-

Is more out of it then usual.

The reason you broke up with him is because you felt like it wasn’t a real relationship. And more like you sometimes got to talk during class, and sometimes out of school.

He writes in his a separate notebook of ways he could’ve done better

Starts comparing himself to other guys more often

Leaves earlier then everyone else to got to dorms.

Mumbles even more then usual, and sometimes the only person that can snap him out of it is Aizawa.

Sometimes takes it out on his friends

“Hey Deku!-“

“Not right now Uraraka.”

“Oi, Deku nerd, the-“

“Can you not right now Kacchan?”

“HAAH?-“

“Midoryia! Would you like to study?”

“Maybe later Iida...”

Todoroki offered him soba but it resulted in Midoriya slowly slurping up soba as he looked into the void of people

He shut everyone one out and didn’t talk barely most of the week.

He’d take out a lot of his anger during training.

It somehow finally clicks into place how bad you feel and how much you miss him when All Might pull you aside and asks. “Uhhh...Is Young Midoriya ok? I’m getting real worried....ITS NOT LIKE I DONT WORRY ABOUT MY OTHER STUDENTS HAHAHA! HOW’S-

There’s 15 minutes of your life awkwardly telling All Might how all your classmates are doing.

Which made you want to jump off the top of UA at the moment.

You decide to head to his dorm and ask him about it, cause you feel like it’s your fault.

You walk in on him crying, clutching the shirt you bought for him on his birthday.

You almost dropped to your knees in guilt at the sight

You rushed over and sat by him, comforting him, though it wasn’t much as you started crying too.

Basically a crying festival for an hour.

“Please....Please Y/N I love you so much, I promise I’ll make it work, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you, just please...PLEASE don’t leave me.” You kiss him on the lips and then his hand, “Babe it’s not all on you, I promise I’ll do better this time too, I’m so sorry for being selfish, I love you, ok?” Another crying fest.

After you start dating again:

Always makes sure you’re comfortable, and checks into your dorm before he starts a study session.

Helps you with your work before his. ( Though you insist he doesn’t as he’s gotten points off multiple times for turning in his work late.)

Goes on dates every time you have some free space in your schedules. Somehow ends up in an All Might merch shop 80% of the time.

!!CUDDLE SESSIONS AFTER HERO TRAINING AT ALL TIMES!! Even in Recovery Girl’s office, though many times she bops you both on the head and tells you to get out.

(If you both like All Might) You both geek out over new All Might stuff, and his old interviews while wearing an All Might onesies.

(If you like a different hero) You could spend hours bickering on who’s best hero, pulling up recordings and articles on the. With you holding your favorite hero plushie and him wearing All Might pajamas.

And waking up early just to take a long route to school together.

Makes sure to say ‘I love you’ at every small moment, and compliments you, though he can’t take compliments himself-

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“I...I understand, but why?”

Tears well up in his eyes and he for once he keeps eye contact with you, without looking away

It takes everything in you to not breakdown

“I’m sorry Izuku, I just don’t think it’ll work out in the end.” He grabs your hand and holds it both of his. He puts it to his forehead, nearly on his knees at this point. You try not to cry with him, but you knew it wasn’t going to end up a happily ever after in the end. And you wanted to break it off before that could happen.

“Izuku, I know, I know, I’m so sorry, I wish it couldn’t end like this-“

“Then don’t let it. Please Y/N don’t let this end.”

You eyes welled up as you put a hand over your mouth while repeating ‘I’m sorry, so sorry Izuku’. You looked away from him as you slipped your hand out of his, you close your eyes painfully, the tears finally running down your face. You couldn’t help but look back one more time, and almost wanted to run to where he was and take it all back. He sat on his knees, his head in his hands as painful sobs wracked his body. You quickly leave the room, shutting the door behind you.

You both were pretty quiet and emotionless the whole week.

Midoriya was even worse then before,

It got to the point where sometimes he didn’t eat or sleep

He barely responded to anything anyone said

Hell, even Bakugo was worried at some point

Midoriya would always go back to his dorm and cuddle with the gifts you gave him while you were dating.

It took a long time for him to get over it, and even when he thought it did, he still gets emotional over it

Even after highschool it pains him to see your off doing your own thing without you at his side the whole time

Quieter then usual

Is so deep in thought, sometimes forgets he’s in class or what he’s doing

During tests, or while working on assignments he’d be so deep in thought he didn’t realize he broke his pencil, or used his quirk on his desk

Instead of having his usual outburst on people he’d just walk off, or click his tounge and walk off

Even during Hero Lessons he’d be less calculated, and not as pumped up

When anyone tried to ask he’d just say “Fuck off, I’m fine.”

His grades slightly dropped

He had bags under his eyes, and had even worse posture then usual

When it came time to leave, he’d be the first one out, and no one could find out where he’d go

A permanent frown was on his face at all times (basically him most of time but with a deeper frown)

No one knew what to do at this point

It didn’t click with you until one day during Hero Lessons

He was sparring with Kirishima and all of a sudden he fainted

Everyone was surprised to say the most

You rushed with Kirishima to Recover Girls office

You both almost busted the door off it’s hinges

She wacked you both on the head but quickly tended to Bakugo, surprising you both as she checked on him

“Oh....I wouldn’t have expected this from Bakugo.” You and Kirishima had confused looks on your faces. “Well he passed out from exhaustion, which I usually see with that foolish Midoriya boy. This one usually keeps up with himself, something must’ve happened.” She cut herself off as she saw the look on your face that said it all. She beckons Kirishima to follow her out, as he still wasn’t getting what was happening.

You finally got a good look at him, and saw just how exhausted he looked. The bags under his eyes, his bruised body, and how pained he looked in his sleep. You hugged the non-bruised part of his arm, and finally let the tears you held let go. “I’m sorry Katsuki...I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Before you realized he woke up, he placed his free hand on your head, rubbing small and soothing circles on your head. “S’okay, let’s make this work.” You knew you didn’t have to say anything else as you both stayed like that until Recovery Girl came in to kick you both out.

After you start dating again:

Comes to your dorm everyday to get you up knowing you’d oversleep if he didn’t (also wants to see your sleeping face...not in a weird way)

Cooks you breakfast in bed on off days,

You guys cook something together when you have a movie night

Instead of yelling most times, he just makes sure he understands your side of everything before jumping to conclusions

Makes sure he isn’t too rough with you verbally (lol not sure physically)

Brings you to his parents house during some free time since you get along with his mom and dad well

Won’t admit it but adores the fact that his parents love you

Whispers ‘I love you’ when he’s made sure your ‘sleeping’ (you’re not, you just wanna hear him say it all shy like)

You guys go on training dates, where you both train together, then have a picnic where you just trained

Him being more open with PDA, like holding your hand, or laying his head on your shoulder, etc. just small stuff

He loves playing with your hair and twisting it around his fingers while cuddling or studying

You both cheer on your favorite hero during a fight on TV, or you pick a random channel on TV and you just listen to him rant how stupid something is while you lean onto his shoulder at 2am (somehow got him to stay up this late)

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“No...no...you can’t, you can’t be serious”

He sounded so broken. His fists clutched so hard you thought his bones would pop out

Anger was evident in his face, and he honestly scared you with the face he was making

“Y/N....are you joking?” You frown and step back a little, did he really think everything you said was a joke? “No Bakugo, I just think this isnt gonna work out in the end.” You heard him click his tongue, then just look at you in shock, then anger. He looked down, his bangs covering his expression. “So you’re just gonna end it like that? No working anything out, just break up? It was one fucking mistake Y/N.”

“Yeah one big mistake, you don’t suck faces with some other person on accident, Bakugo.” The venom in your voice slicing through the tension filled air. “Can you just fucking forgive me? I won’t do it again.”

“You said that last time, Katsuki, then you go and clown off again-“

Before you could get anything else out Bakugo already had his quirk going in one hand, and the other holding your shoulder down. You both looked surprised, even as he backed away. “No..nononono fuck Y/N baby I’m sorry-” you smacked the hand that reached out for you. You started packing everything, Bakugo’s eyes widened as he just stood in shock. Before he knew it you were leaving already.

“N...NO NO Y/N PLEASE, I’M SORRY-“ he grabbed you by the arm that reached for the door knob. You quickly shrugged him out of his grasp, and opened the door. “Goodbye Bakugo, I hope well for the next person with you.” And you slammed it in his face. He stood there, it’s like the emotions he felt before were completely wiped when you slammed the door on him. It was 8:03pm, he should start getting ready for bed anyway.

For a few weeks he was unresponsive, and only talked when he needed to

His movements were sluggish and he’d often stare at nothing

Bakugo didn’t even glare, or really do anything when Midoriya tried talking him

Or shittyhair, dunce face, raccoon eyes, or soy sauce face

They were all the same, and just molded into one voice every time someone tried talking to him

After a while he got over it, but he still regrets what he did

You helped him through so much yet he went off and did stupid shit

Even after highschool, he’d still keep up on you frequently through social media

Basically stalking you on there, guessing he never truly got over it once he felt tears subconsciously stream down his face as he saw you with someone else, happier.

He felt like he didn’t do anything wrong, and he was confused at the throb in his heart every time you looked away from him or ignored him.

So he did ask you, and all you did was look at him like he just hit you.

Why did you look so hurt?

Todoroki shrugged it off, thinking you’d come back like you did after every fight you guys had

But you didn’t, and that’s what took an actual toll on him

More emotional

A permanent frown on his pretty features most of the time

All he mostly eats is soba

He didn’t know how to handle this in all honesty

Sometimes he’d just stare at you, and even when you looked back he’d just stare...

Sometimes he’s so out of it he doesn’t realize he’s either froze the entire classroom or was a living breathing radiator, or both (rip Momo, Satou, and Tokoyami)

He’d ask Midoryia for help but it came out as a fumbled mess most of the time:

“Midoryia...how do you hurt....them, a lot...without...? Can you help?

Midoryia is just like:

(Sorry I had to add that in I was cackling sm from it)

“I think you should just talk to them Todoroki.”

That was harder to do then he expected, you mangaged to avoid him pretty well,

One day he was just fed up and as soon as the bell rang he took your hand and left the class

He takes you to an empty classroom, his left side nearly giving you frostbite

You were about to yell at him before you saw his broken expression

“What...what did I do for it to be like this?” You we’re now quiet as you saw the confused and hurt expression on his face. Him barely being able to control either of his quirks, he was shaking, yet still held a confused expression. It just clicked with you, Todoroki wasn’t used to the sudden emotions or feelings, and when one of the people he’d usually go to to talk about it wasn’t there, he started to crumble.

You hugged him tightly , not caring if his quirks messed up your uniform. “I’m sorry Y/N....I’m sorry I’m not enough, but-“ You cover his mouth as tears fell from your eyes and onto the ground or his uniform. “I- I-I’m so sorry Todo...it’s just you never gave me affection and I was being so selfish and petty about it, I just- I didn’t realize that you went through your own experience for it to turn out like this. It’s not your fault, and I love you the way you are Shoto.” Todoroki didn’t even notice the tears come down his face as you kissed him over and over again. A small ‘I’m sorry’ from you every time. His quirks calmed down and now you were holding each other in a random classroom. You’re heart nearly stopped as you looked up at him and saw a small, teary eyed smile.

After you start Dating again:

Todoroki was much more observant

He’d stay up late readings articles saying “How to understand emotions” or “Is there other good food then Cold Soba” wait-

Regularly gets you gifts, even though most of the time you make him return the stuff since he’s been getting so much with his dads card

Endeavor ended up yelling at you both in a 7/11 while you were stuffing your faces with a soba flavored chips

You both figured out a way to get Todoroki to express himself without words

He’d slightly activate his left side if he wanted any sort of attention, and his right side was if he was feeling stressed or upset

He subconsciously goes to your dorm now to check up on you to make sure you’ve had a glass of water, dinner or anything really (He just wanted a reason to go to your dorm)

You played with his hair once, and he’s never going back

When cuddling he’d lay his head in the crook of your neck, hoping to feel you playing with his hair

You push him to start taking therapy sessions to understand what emotions he’s feeling and how to express them

Takes you in your free time to an empty field just to hear you talk, and learn more about you

And he’d always wake up early and made sure to get a few snacks for you before you woke up and brought them to your dorm room (Last time he tried to cook he almost burned the kitchen down)

Overall Todoroki just loves giving you small head pats now, you don’t know where it came from but you didn’t complain

Poor bby stuttered so hard the first time he said ‘I love you’ you giggled

Ended up making him feel embarrassed and like he did something wrong, but you quickly kissed him/praised him

He can’t stop saying it now, one time you picked up his pencil, before you could hand it to him just a sudden “I love you Y/N” the entire class looked at you both in shock

“STOP SUCKING FACES OVER THERE!”

“SHUT UP BAKUGO”

“HAAAH?”

Todoroki is the happiest he’s been.

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“Over? What do you mean we’re over?”

You felt so horrible by the the pure confusion on his face

But the rude things he said to you, over powering your want to get back with him

Lately Todoroki has been more protective, and rude. Insulting everything you do, belittling you slightly. It just added up and you were tired of it

Todoroki tilted his head to the side, deep in thought.

“Y/N your being on the dumber side again, are you hanging out with them too much?” You were taken aback by how nonchalantly he insulted you and your friends. “Excuse me? Todoroki did I hear you right?” You stepped foward leaning your head toward him. “Of course you can, or did Bakugo’s yelling make you not hear so well?” The fact he said it with no emotion, or nothing to it was making you clench your fist. “The hell has gotten into you Todoroki?” You shove his shoulder a bit. He frowned at you heavily making you flinch. “Well if you didn’t go and ignore me most of this week maybe I wouldn’t be like this. I usually hold my tongue but you’ve been rude this entire week.”

You stood there speechless. “Well Ex-fucking-cuse me Shoto. Maybe if you didn’t insult me all the damn time I wouldn’t ignore you, or wait for an decent apology.”

You drag out the last words as you glared at him, Todoroki giving one back. “I’m only telling the truth so you don’t look dumb. I’m helping you out Y/N, I thought you’d understand.” You scoff in utter shock, you couldn’t help the sudden urge to slap some sense into him. Now he stood speechless, the force in that slap causing his hair to look messy, and a red mark on his cheek. Tears were in your eyes as you clenched your fist, biting your lip from cussing him out on the spot. “Your lucky I don’t beat your sorry ass, just...just the the fuck out Todoroki!” You pushed him toward the door. He looked at you with no emotion in his face as he saw you start to bawl your eyes out. “Just...just get the hell out Todoroki, it’s over, we’re over.” He felt a pang in his heart, but choose to ignore it and just left.

It only actually came to him during the night as he was about to walk to your dorm after a nightmare, when he realized the entire conversation

He tried knocking on your door but you didn’t answer, even though he could hear your music

He went back to his dorm, sat on his bed and just had a full mental breakdown

Realizing his main emotional support that helped him through mostly everything was gone

He felt he said stuff his father said to you already which made it even worse

He tried texting and calling you but you had him blocked on everything

He repeated the entire conversation in his head, just now coming to how disgusting he really did sound

Todoroki for that whole week was an emotional wreck

During hero training if he was thinking about you or what he did he doesn’t notice poor Satou trying to get out of his wall of Ice.

Is always with Midoryia at some given time,

He kind of clinged onto people in his circle that gave him attention of some sort

When he some time passed he eventually got over it

After Highschool you both kept in touch, but it pained him when he saw you engaged and happy with another person

But he was happy if you were happy.

Heyyy so this is probably the longest thing I’ve written since like my last Wattpad fanfics I used to do(yikes). But hope you enjoy, and don’t be afraid to request! I’m taking them now so go wild.

Sorry that they were all confusing it’s my first hcs+scenario thingy, but I have a few other things in the works so... 💃🕺

2K notes · View notes

literaila · 3 years ago

Text

always, kitchen floor

loki x gn! reader

summary/request: reader is tony’s sibing, they’ve had a fight with him. loki just happens to be there... and again, a while later.

content warning: alcohol, fighting, sibling things, murder.

so you weren’t expecting the crash.

so you weren’t exactly the picture of grace on the floor.

so you weren’t supposed to be in here.

it’s not like he knew that. but what he did know was that as soon as he bashed into the room, you were falling towards the floor.

the small chuckle you could hear from behind the cabinet did not soothe any anger you were feeling. it was just digging itself a deeper hole in your chest, just making itself a home while whoever had scared you laughed along. it might’ve made you angrier.

“it’s alright,” an unrecognizable voice said, low and sour. someone was moving around. you didn’t even attempt to get up off the floor. you didn't care.

“i’ve been told i have that effect,”

an audible sigh from you made the movement stop.

you closed your eyes, rapped your head against the floor softly. this was only one of the many things you couldn't deal with right now. a human interaction, a conversation. an effort. maybe you’d drunk a bit too much, maybe this was a dream.

you really didn’t want to get up. you were hoping for a hallucination. anything non-real.

“do i know you?” you croak out instead of crying. at least, if you’re going to die, you’ll get to know who killed you. at least, if you have to do this now, you can call the bastard by their name.

“probably,” the voice sings out. perfect.

probably.

you stop your head, squeeze your eyes until they sting. you’re not sure why you’re not supposed to be in here again, but maybe it has something to do with this.

meeting perfect strangers you probably know.

“do you have a name?” you croak— again —your patience gone from every trace of your body. your effort extinguished from the fire that is building in your chest. the fire that's been there a while.

“the god of mischief.”

you sit up. only a little. just enough to lean your head towards the voice.

it’s not like you were expecting that response.

“excuse me?” you say in your half-deflated, half surprised voice. your neck is straining from the glance you’re trying to get at the voice, but you keep attempting to lift your head

the footsteps start again, and it’s only a moment before the person comes into view.

before you see them, you hear the bells ringing in your head. this isn’t your house, this isn’t their house. you don’t know this person, and you’re acting completely sane.

it’s honestly not that bad of a situation.

it only takes one more pinch of your ligaments for your eyes to meet their face.

for your brain to touch them with all the memories you have.

probably.

yeah, well, probably was right.

maybe you’re starstruck for a moment, maybe your eyes widen, and maybe you’re staring at this giant person in front of you for way too long.

it doesn’t matter, because in what seems like a second to you, you lay back down. close your eyes.

“i’ve seen you on the news,” you say, a nonchalant mention, a passing sentence.

you were wrong, then. an alien interaction.

the god of mischief— actually, if the news anchor from earlier had anything to say about it —is standing right next to you. right next to your practically dead body, and you don’t move an inch.

you’re sure you can feel his eyes on you, but you don’t check. who cares, anyway? hes going to kill you soon.

“have you?” he asks, an annoying disruption to your wallowing.

you grunt, don’t say anything else.

it’d be nice not to die in your own home. at least then no one will have to clean up any blood. they can sell the apartment again. it’d be nice to watch your brother's face as a ghost when he realizes. it’d be nice to get your revenge in the form of a bloodstain on the hardwood. it's a terrible thought that almost fills you with glee.

loki, who moves past you, opening cabinets and carrying around a ridiculous scepter (?) does not turn to look at you when he asks

“you’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

your snort is nothing more than a yes. is it really that obvious? i mean, yes, you look pretty bad, but that shouldn’t indicate to him that you’re in the wrong place.

he shouldn’t know that already.

“what makes you say that?”

loki puts down the bottle he’d been messing with, some expensive thing your brother would kill him for touching. not that you’re going to tell him that, you don't really mind. he turns and bangs his scepter against the ground, not completely on accident. “this countertop is engraved ‘tony stark’”

you roll your eyes, but he doesn’t notice.

“and, from what i’ve seen on the news” he teases the unfamiliar word around his lips “you aren’t him”

“ha,” you say, voice void of any emotion. it must really be that obvious, even to a god who has only been on earth for a few days and has never met you before. even to you, who’s been trying to catch up to tony for so long. “you’ve got me,”

you grab the bottle you have next to you, the bottle you’ve been cradling all night in your hands like its some childhood blanket you dont want to let go of, and take a sip. its hard on the floor, and that fact is maybe the only thing that could actually convince you to sit up at this moment.

so you do, and you look loki straight in the eyes while taking another sip.

theres still half a bottle left, you dont really need to slow down.

loki looks amused, looks so much less threatening than you would’ve thought after watching him get a group of well over a hundred people to kneel before him. so much less threatening without his words to back him up. or maybe, thats what makes him a villain.

he looks kind of cute.

“can i help you?” you say then, looking him in the eyes, bottle in hand. its your best impression of a salesperson, but he doesn't know that. hes just a god, after all, hes just a murder, definitely.

“actually yes,” he moves towards you, scepter banging, his voice a slow river. “i was looking for someone-”

“if its tony, you’re fresh out of luck, mr. mischief,” you sigh and stand up, pretending not to notice the substantial difference in heights between the two of you. “it would seem i’ve run him off,” you pause, take a sip, hold your finger up in a gesture for him to wait. “must’ve been my ceaseless charm.”

loki doesnt say anything, just watches you with irritating eyes and waits for you to take another drink. you do, but not because of him. you’re thirsty, obviously.

you hate that hes already predicting your movements, you hate that he looks so calm. you hate that if you werent still in your right mind you would probably tackle him without a moments notice.

still, you watch him anyway. this isnt scary. nothing is scary right now, not even the prospect of death and the murderer in the room. not when you’ve just been left alone in this stupid building while tony runs off to do something else.

not when your voice still hurts from screaming at him.

“when will he be back?” loki asks, interrupting your thoughts and looking you up and down. any other day, you might’ve taken it as a compliment, might’ve smiled at him.

“never, if i had anything to say about it.”

loki doesnt hesitate. “you seem awfully angry for such an angelic-looking person,”

you snort, turn around to go searching through the cupboards again. “and you seem awfully murdery for a god,”

“you’d be surprised,” he moves forward, leans his scepter against a chair, and continues to watch you. something about this, something about him is easing that feeling in your chest. the annoyance is almost gone, you know, if it werent for the fact that hes still certainly going to kill you.

you know that he’d brainwashed other people, maybe thats what was happening now.

you grunt instead of answer and grab a glass. its strange, this need you feel to keep him from murdering you. loki watches with curious eyes as you poor some of your bottle in the glass, then offer it to him.

in fact, his eyes almost bludge out of his head as soon as you lift it towards him.

“you’re giving this to me?”

you smirk instead of scoffing, as a peace offering. “is it really that obvious?”

he doesnt acknowledge the snide but takes the glass with careful hands. maybe he thinks humans have murderous cups. maybe hes just very untrusting. it doesnt matter, it makes you smile anyway.

you grab the bottle, now more than half gone, and take a sip as loki thinks deeply about this drink you’ve given him. at least he isnt asking you why you’re angry anymore.

“is it good?” he asks while staring at the contents of the glass.

“you could just try it, you know.”

he quirks a brow. sets the glass down on the counter. takes a step back. “how do i know you havent poisoned it?”

you set your bottle down, lean your hands on the counter, and lean closer to him in a challenge. “you, quite literally, just watched me pour it.”

loki considers this, tilts his head, and then steps forward and takes the glass. you laugh when he sniffs at it, but watch with hopeful eyes as he finally takes a sip.

then promptly gags.

“humans are disgusting creatures,” he says while gagging, moving far away from the glass.

“and thats why you’ve come to conquer us, right?” you’re still smirking, still sipping, and still wondering what the hell this god is doing here.

“think of it as a favor,” hes wincing, opening his mouth in what looks like an effort to get the taste out of his mouth. but still, he doesnt threaten you, doesnt curse you out, doesnt accuse you of poisoning him again. but then, he looks up. “in return, you might tell me where stark is?”

there. thats it. no threatening, no murdering, no accusation. but still, he just wants something. your brother, of course.

whats different from usual?

“i dont know,” you answer, smile gone, moving away. you make sure to take the bottle with you, wherever you turn to go. wherever you want to run away to.

you dont know, you’re not sure. this place is so big, and all of it is a prison you’ll never actually leave. the curse of blood relations.

loki though, stops you before you can even attempt to leave, before you can make your escape before you start sobbing to this god who isnt even here for you.

really, you should be thankful, really, you shouldnt care this much. really, you should’ve left ten minutes ago. you’re not even supposed to be here.

the thought fills you with dread. effort, effort and pain.

“you dont know?” he asks, doubtful. as if he knows you, as if he can already tell you’re lying. you scoff, then scoff again. damn the god of mischief, and damn your brother. arrogance does not look good on anyone.

you try to push past him, shaking your head with hurt eyes that arent really for him. you try to move forward, but hes so much bigger than you, and hes got the upper hand. he knows you wont try to murder him, no matter what he wants to do to everyone on earth.

“you are related to him, are you not?” another question, another shot of fuel to the fire that you thought had burned out. to the flame inside of you that doesnt seem to leave.

“i dont like that you know that,” you say it softly, much softer than you mean to, and without noticing take a step back. put up the walls, so to say. get away from this alien that knows more about you than you do him. guard yourself before you actually get hurt.

dont give him yet another reason to yell at you.

“its not hard to guess. you have...erm” he pauses, looking small, looking more nervous, looking anything but godly. “the same mannerisms. and you talk a bit like each other.”

you frown. dammit.

“also, the way you talk of him reminds me of my brother.”

you look up then, look up and see this god, this alien, this murderer that you dont even know. is he drunk now? you wouldnt have thought him to be such a light-weight.

“okay...” maybe you’re weirded out, or maybe you’re tired, but you try to move away from him anyway. this is effort, and you dont need it.

“you really dont know?” loki says, before moving out of your way. he sighs, looks defeated now. you’re not lying, but something in you kind of wants you to be. just so he’ll leave you alone, of course. just for some peace.

just so he stops frowning at the floor. god, you dont even know him.

and you, you just dont understand. hes the villain, hes evil, so why is he looking so innocent? why arent you scared of him? why havent you run in terror yet?

maybe you’re about to ask something, but loki moves first. he steps back, or forward, and grabs the glass you gave him, again. takes another sip. he doesnt gag this time, doesnt change his expression at all.

“i thought you hated it?” you ask, shocked by this small thing, hurt still, by his words. maybe by his defeated look.

loki sighs, smirks, does something with his face you cant comprehend. “its better with disappointment.”

now its your turn to sigh. you cant leave this alien alone in tony’s kitchen. that’d be rude, plus, curiosity is human.

its not his fault, really, that he needs to murder your brother.

you go back, back to the counter, back to the floor, back to loki with his sad eyes and your bottle. you just go back, sitting down on the floor, where you were when he came in, and waiting for him to join you.

it doesn’t take long, you can feel his cool from the five feet of distance between the two of you.

its a moment before you ask. “do you really need my brother? i can probably call him.” an olive branch, so to say.

loki laughs, chortles, something. maybe you’re feeling the effects of the alcohol now. he doesnt speak for a moment, just looks around, observing the room once again. you look with him, wait for his answer, hope its “no”.

“no, not really.” he pauses, sighs. “well, yes. but, you seem very opposed to seeing him, so i’m guessing talking isnt on the table?”

“you’d be right,” you take another sip, give him a smile you dont really mean.

you’re not even sure why you’re here now. this is surreal. this is stupid of you. its in the name.

“is he really as bad as he seems?” loki asks, tracing something on the floor. maybe gods are similar to humans, because you think you’ve seen this somewhere else.

you laugh, though, anyway, and forget everything. “not really. hes sort of a good person, he just.. doesnt come off well.” to say the least.

never has. never liked you much in the first place, but you have memories of him gifting you toys when you were kids. you have laughs, smiles. you had a family, once upon a time.

you dont tell loki that though, you have enough sense not to.

“i wonder if my brother would say the same thing about me?”

and something about the way he says it, something about his face, about his words on the news, all of it. all of it reminds you of where you are, reminds you of who you are, and who you’re trying so hard not to be.

emotionally compromised, you’re sure. this is a stupid thing to be doing.

“well, you were going to murder me.” its a joke, but its better than what you wanted to say. its better than the truth you want to tell to this stranger you’ve just met. this god who feels peaceful somehow, behind all the terror.

loki scoffs, so you know its okay, so you know you havent said the wrong thing yet. you know you havent gone insane, not yet, not now.

“i would never murder someone so beautiful,”

and maybe its the alcohol, maybe its your fight with your brother, maybe its loki’s kind words, maybe its everything. maybe you really are insane. maybe you’re angry enough for this to seem okay. maybe you’re stronger than you think, than tony thinks, to be here. maybe it’ll turn out okay.

it doesnt matter, because the next thing you say, changes lots of things.

“i guess you’re not so bad.”

“i’m old enough-”

“you’re a child.”

“tony, you dont get to decide whats best for me! in case you forgot, you’re only my brother. not my dad, he already died-”

“in case you forgot, i’m in charge. you’re the most irresponsible, reckless person, and you’re not leaving here until i say so.”

“you dont just get to decide-”

“you will stay here. try not to mess anything else up.”

2 years later.

the hallway is cold while you speed through it.

you’re not actually moving that fast, but everyone else insists on keeping the air conditioning on at all times, so even the slightest of movements invites the goosebumps to attack your arms.

maybe you’ll complain some more about it today. its a trivial thing you care about. it matters.

what else matters? well, theres a meeting-- one you’re late to, who cares? theres a meeting and you were supposed to be there over a half an hour ago.

but, to be fair, you were sleeping, everyone knows you were sleeping-- what else do you do during the days when they dont invite you anywhere? so why, honestly, would they schedule a meeting for now? why would they expect you to be awake?

why are you so goddamn late.

these are the irritating thoughts that get you moving faster to the conference room. these are the things you can think about while you prepare your excuse out loud, and hope that no one is listening.

and these are the thoughts that you’re thinking as you crash through the door.

literally.

“oops,” you mutter before looking up. this is normal for you, but, you could’ve picked a better time to fall on the floor, or any other time rather. you’re already in enough trouble as is, you dont need the shame on top of that.

it takes a moment, but your eyes glance forward, cautious. they scan the windows, the chairs you can barely see, and hesitantly, they look at the people sitting in them.

tony, of course, is the first one you see. head of the table as usual. arrogant and staring at you like only a brother can.

and then, with one more tilt of your head, you see someone else. you see him, sitting next to thor, next to all of these people who are staring at you-- most of them with amusement, all of them with amusement. you see him.

hes here.

but, you... you thought? you cant even get up-- now. because now you’re on the floor, and now those memories are flooding back and now, oh god, your brother is coming over to you and you’re still on the floor.

this is ridiculous, this is impossible, and this is so so embarrassing.

“loki,” tony starts as he reaches a hand out to you, throwing you a glance that is completely rude and not necessary. “this is y/n, our clumsiest avenger.” you’re sure you can hear him mutter something after that, and judging by the snickers across the room, you’re guessing it wasnt good. none of this is good.

as soon as you’re standing next to him, you elbow him. small enough no one could see. he deserves it, and honestly, you need it. at least, you can get this shock, these pricks of pain on your heart, out somehow.

“sorry,” you say, maybe to everyone, maybe to yourself. but you’re still looking at him, and hes still looking at you. you cant stop staring, cant stop, wont stop.

you wonder if hes thinking the same thing you are. if he remembers like you do.

loki stands then, presence of a god, smile of a bastard, lips that you’re sure you recognize. is this the same person? the same god of mischief? is this him? really?

“hi, loki, lovely to meet you.”

and, hes definitely got to be kidding you. hes definetly got to be joking, right now.

you dont reach out to grab his hand, you dont move away from tony, and you dont even try to hide the glare from your eyes. you dont even attempt to make an effort.

really? i mean, really? hes going to just..

okay, fine. fine. breathe, smile, breathe, yell.

theres nothing you want more than to scream at him, in so many ways, for so many reasons.

“yes, sorry, i dont shake hands. just bodies.”

theres a chorus of clearing throats across the room. you pretend not to notice. instead, you smile at loki, pretend to also not to notice the threatening eyes tony is trying to throw you. pretend, again and again, that you dont know who this is.

loki’s hand slowly falls, and he glances toward his brother worriedly, but even that couldnt annoy you more than his face does at this moment.

“i’ll let you decide how, my prince.” you snide, smile, hate.

and then, you walk to your sit and promtly sit down. you dont bother to look up from where your glance has landed on the floor.

and you remain like that for the rest of the meeting. its fine, you’ve already missed half of it anyway.

who cares?

“no, but really, where’d you get that?”

“its asgardian,” loki leans forward, teasing you with his raised eyebrows.

“i want it. how much?” you lean forward as well, completely serious. alcohol be damned, his scepter will be yours. you’re not one to kid.

“you cant bargain with me, tiny human. you have nothing i want.”

“im sure i could think of a few things... you dont even know how to be a proper villain!” you exclaim with a smirk of your own “you’re gonna want money when you’re thrown in jail.”

“ill just take it off of you when i’ve decided im bored and offed you. plus, i’m a prince. and a god. i dont need money for anything.”

“ha! like i could ever bore you. you seem awfully interested in me, prince loki.”

you’re both closer, faces inches apart. really, its just the alcohol talking, but still.

you’re smiling pretty big.

you’re not sure how you got here again. how you ended up on this floor, in this kitchen, with this bottle, with these thoughts. not sure, but still. you cant really bring yourself to care too much.

at least your throat doesnt hurt this time. at least you’re older, smarter, and most definitely not drunk. at least its not exactly the same.

it takes more than that, now. it takes more than anything to make you angry, now. it takes a lot more to push you over the edge. you’ve grown, at least, in that aspect.

but, you’ve been thinking of this for two years, you’ve been watching and waiting with hopeful eyes and this... this just isnt it. this isnt the dream, this isnt anything like what you’ve wanted.

you’re still brainwashed and you’re still angry. you’ve been on the edge of the cliff for years now.

it doesnt take much to fall off.

you dont even know why, why you’re here, why this is happening, and its making it worse.

you havent even seen him in two years, so why do you care so much if he wants to pretend that you’ve never met? you havent so much as spoken of him in two years, so why does it matter now that hes here? why is it so significant that he doesnt seem to care?

you’re a fool. immature, idiotic. you’ve known this, you know this. you could’ve mentioned it every time you sat with hopeful eyes when an alien showed up, when a certain god of a certain storm appeared and you thought that maybe this time, he might’ve taken someone with him.

you could’ve told yourself this every time you thought of him, every day you’ve thought of that night. you’re ridiculous, hopeless, and drunk.

you’re drunk now, and you were drunk then. so why does it matter this much?

you’re drunk.

and really, this time you really arent expecting it when he walks in.

its different from last time, different because you were already on the floor. different because now you’re mad at him, and because now for some reason you cant even explain, you know that its him. you can feel him from across the room.

and this time, you’ve drunk a lot more. you’ve downed more than half a bottle, and you’re angrier. you’re happier, but so mad.

still, his quiet “hello” into the kitchen leaves your flame sparking. the lights are on, so he knows someone is in here. he knows you’re in here.

you’re not going to answer though, why would you?

he doesnt repeat it, but his footsteps are clear, not accompanied with the banging of a gold scepter this time, no horns in sight. this is different, but you know exactly whats happening. you know exactly how he looks, now.

these two years have felt like nothing, these two years of making up with your brother, of dreams of a certain god’s lips, of hoping that one day he might appear again, all of it means nothing now. there are too many memories, and you have known you’re insane for years.

the footsteps stop again, and you know this time, hes waititng for you to answer.

you’re drunk. that explains this feeling. you’re drunk now, you were drunk then. loki should leave because you really dont have the energy for fake pleasantries.

“can i help you?” you ask, and try and breathe while you wait. you’re different now.

“actually yes,” he says and its quiet.

it leaves your stomach aching.

“i’m looking for someone,”

“no! never, i will never ever-”

“technically, you just did,”

“i hate you.”

loki laughs, throws his head back in a motion that is unnecessarily attractive to you. “you dont even know me, darling.”

“i can hear your thoughts, actually.”

you’ve been leaning on him for maybe the past five minutes. you’ve been sharing this second bottle for the last half an hour. somehow, it tastes better when he’s put his lips on it.

“is this a human trait i’m unaware of?” he sounds so serious you giggle.

“no, just me. you picked the wrong person to drink with,”

“and what am i thinking about now, then, since you can hear it?”

you turn to him, you turn and theres something different in your eyes.

“exactly what i’m thinking,” you whisper, staring down, staring at him in the same way hes staring at you.

what are you thinking of? well, thats simple.

“fresh out of luck, prince. theres no one here.”

your voice is quiet, your head is pounding, but you cant have a hangover already. you cant be sick now, in this moment.

its not pounding because of that, and you cant even pretend.

its dark outstide, which you know, considering that its the middle of the night and you shouldnt even be awake. you shouldnt even be in here, considering tony banned you from stealing from his cabinets. considering, you’ve been here before. considering, all of it.

arent you only supposed to make the same mistake once?

“really?” he asks in an amused voice you recognize. hes closer now, you can feel it. you can hear it, the goosebumps are all over you. the buzzing started minutes ago.

you lay down, on the floor, breathing in and out, feeling your stomach clench with every step he takes. this is ridiculous, you should be asleep, he should be on a different planet.

“its late. go to bed, loki.” your voice is still quiet, but theres a warning in it.

“i have a vague inkling that you arent strict with bedtime,”

his voice is stupid, you’re stupid. why are you just sitting on the floor?

“no, but i am strict about lying. in that, i hate it. go away.”

maybe he wasnt expecting the sharpness in your voice, or for you to be laying on the floor. but his eyes when he stands over you, his eyes are almost how you remember them.

“did you brainwash me?”

you’re breathless. you cant breathe. and you cant be drunk now, because you never want to forget this, you never want him to move away.

he tastes alien, he tastes different than anything you’ve ever tasted before, and you just cant stop.

you lean in again, let your mouth be filled with the sweet cold of his. hes cooling you down in only the best kind of way.

“not yet,” he says, he says and lets his hands roam across your hips, across your skin in a completely tantalizing way. you cant be drunk now, because you’d never feel like this if you were.

you’re both breathless. you both cant breathe.

“are you going to?”

another kiss, another moment, another taste. you want to smile, but that would require you to move away from him, and you just cant do that.

“i dont need to,” he says, he promises. he smiles, and its evil. evil in how much it stops your heart. this cant be happening. “you’ve been dreaming of this.”

you’re sure, he knows something you dont. hes done something to you, but you cant complain.

you really can’t stop.

“are you upset?” he asks. its nothing he would’ve said before, its not a question that would’ve crossed his mind two years ago. this isnt him.

you dont know how you know that, but you do. you know. you’ve met him before, and you’ve known him since then. in case he forgot.

you laugh at the thought, laugh and laugh. you’re drunk. “is that sympathy i detect in the god of mischief’s voice?” you ask, and laugh.

maybe he’ll leave just because you’re laughing so much. wouldnt that be nice? wouldnt that break your heart again, off you for good, finally?

“well, you’re definitely intoxicated.” its sarcastic, its serious, and it makes your blood boil. who is he to judge you? who is he to say anything to you? to be here now, and expect you to answer questions?

you sit up, stare at him for too long, and then your face is a scowl hotter than the sun. you hope hes terrified, but you feel so small. you hope hes terrified, but you know hes not. how could he be, when you’re sure you look like a mess, worse than last time?

“you would know a lot about that, wouldnt you loki? considering you were so drunk that you’ve forgotten all about me?” its rhetorical, its cruel, and it makes his eyes falter the tiniest bit.

this. this is what you dont need. this is an emotion you never want to feel again, because you’re tired of the anger. you’ve been living it all your life, and you’e tired of it. but maybe thats what drew loki to you, maybe thats what he likes best. maybe thats why hes still standing in front of you.

maybe thats what makes him a bad guy.

he doesnt answer, and so you continue. you continue and you should just stop speaking. “excuse me, your highness, but i really just want to be alone right now. so, if you wouldnt mind, i’ve already claimed the kitchen floor.” you laugh, gesture somewhere you dont know. “tony has plenty of other spaces for you to infiltrate.”

you think maybe its enough. you think hes going to leave, you think you’ll get to be alone for the rest of the night, maybe drink enough to forget that you ever met him, but then hes still standing there. he doesnt move an inch.

you dont know what hes still doing here. you can see the light reflecting on his face, you can see his blank eyes, you cant see anything in him that you want anymore. of course, except everything.

“loki,” you groan and stand up. you set the bottle on the counter next to you, and cross your arms. waiting. for anything, for everything.

“i didnt forget you, and i wasn’t drunk.”

oh, really? you scoff, scoff and take another sip before answering.

“well, thats lovely for you, but-”

“i was trying to be considerate, in case you didnt want your brother to know we’d already met.”

some part of you, one you left behind two years ago when you woke up all alone, some part of you thinks thats sweet. some part of you wants to smile just because he said it. some part of you.

the other part, just wants to scream.

“well, thanks loki, but ‘considerate’ would’ve been, maybe, not leaving me to wake up alone in the morning.”

really, its time for bed now, so, promptly, you try to past him, you try and try and.

you’re back in the past again. goddamn, him.

“we shouldnt be-” you gasp before you can finish. you gasp and loki laughs against your skin. “this is a kitchen-”

“there are worse places,” he promises in an awfully smooth voice, a voice you think you’ve maybe been dreaming of for years, a voice you want to drink. you’re intoxicated, and its not the alcohol.

“loki, i’m drunk, you’re drunk.”

“i am not drunk,”

“okay, mr. god, but this is still a kitchen.”

he smiles up at you, kisses your skn again.

“shh,” he says.

you gasp again.

“..i had to leave. i didnt think it would...” he stops, stares at you for a moment before looking down. hes standng in front of you, not letting you move, not letting you think. “i didnt think it would worry you. i’m terribly sorry,”

it sounds sincere, but then again, so did his promises before.

“okay, loki.” you relent, you sigh, you take a step back and smile at him. none of it is real. “cool, thats nice. i’ll be going to bed now-”

“i’ve wanted to see you for two years,”

your mouth drops open. your eyes buldge, and you almost want to smack him. this, this is really all grand.

this is so unfair. this is a cruel reminder you never wanted. this is a nightmare, come true.

“i’m drunk. i’m leaving,”

but again, he stops you, he stops you and you dont know why. why he wont just let you go, why he sought you out tonight, why this matters, why you care.

why you got so goddamn attached to him that night, why you’d felt like a new person when you woke up the next morning and he was gone.

you take a breath in. you smile again, you push down the flames burning at your throat. “we can both forget it, if you’d prefer. i promise i wont tell anyone, and we can just move on.”

the words, the words you’re trying to offer him as a method of peace, those words, they send loki away from you. they make his face shift, they make him move back.

he looks angry now. he looks how you feel.

“you want to forget it?” he asks, even though you just said it, even though you’ve already answered that question. even though, he knows what you meant.

you arent slurring your words.

“i just want to...” you cant finish that sentence though, and instead you nod. its enough, it doesnt take effort and its nothing special. it’s the truth, so, he’ll have to accept it.

you’ll go to bed now, you’ll forget that you’ve wanted to talk to him, that you still want to kiss him now. you’ll forget, and so will he.

it will be easy. nothing more than a piece of cake.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers later, later when you cant remember your name, when you’ve remembered that you still havent even told him.

“for what?”

he kisses your neck instead of answering.

‘you’re beautiful,” he says, you cant breathe, and hes still speaking. “i didn’t tell you before,” he breathes in and you can feel it in your stomach, can feel that sweet swirling deep inside. “i’m sorry”

“don’t worry about it..”

its late now, too late. you dont want to go to sleep. you never want to fall asleep again, not when you’ve just..

not with him.

the kitchen floor is awfully comfortable. your eyes are falling, faster than you want them to.

“just want to what?” hes not hearing the words, and no matter what you might’ve said, you cant read his mind.

“loki,” its another warning, because hes moving closer, because you can feel him again, because you still remember how he tastes. because that buzzing, the buzzing you’ve felt for so long, its digging itself deeper into your skin.

“i dont want to forget,” he saiys, and no matter how much you want to believe it, it just sounds like another empty promise. sounds like something you’ve already heard.

its not enough, but its just want you want. what you want is just there..

“i was drunk that night, i was sick. i was...”

angry is the word you’re thinking of, but his lips are the ones you can feel. but his smile is the one you want, but his eyes, but his face, but his skin.

his lips, his face, his skin, his touch. its been in your mind since then. its been glued to your thoughts. its stuck, and you want to peel it off.

you arent supposed to be here, you arent supposed to be in this room, you arent supposed to be drinking this liquor, and you arent supposed to kiss him.

you’ve gone insane for sure now. you aren’t supposed to do this.

and so, you do.

you’re on the floor when you wake up. your head is pounding, your eyes are glued shut, but somehow they’re open.

you dont remember where you are, you dont remember why you’re here.

but you do remember... loki. loki, murderer, god, thief. he was here, you’re in the kitchen.

his eyes, his lips, his peace, his lips, his skin, oh god.

he was here.

you look, you look around, you feel the pain in your body, you feel the anger piling up, you feel the ache in your neck, you feel it all and you look around.

hes gone. he is.

your head is pounding and hes gone. you cant remember why.

masterlist here.

#loki imagine #loki spoilers #loki x you #loki #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x gn!reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki layfeyson x reader #loki layfeyson x you #loki layfeyson imagine #loki laufeyson #marvel fanfic #loki (marvel)

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tiens-letters · 4 years ago

Text

butterflies flutter even in the most bloodstained of battlefields

Xiao (angst)

....

It was one of those nights again.

Where all was serene, creatures alike basking in the tranquility of the world once the moon above floats over the existence of everything. To where wars stopped for rest and yet one soul amongst many had no time to do so.

"Alatus." what a familiar name he thinks as he floats around in the void, the darkness to which seemed not consume him just like before and then he wondered where he is right now is the place of all endings. It was pure nothingness and it seemed more comforting than the land he was supposed to protect, riddled with war and the ever evolving generations of humanity.

If this was the end then so be it, he wouldnt ask for more. He could finally rest his weary head and think and replay all the good days while awaiting reincarnation and he prayed. He hoped for a better rebirth and into a place of peace.

"Alatus." there was it again, the name he's forgot during the spoils of war. A name he thought he'd never hear again or even spoken by someone's lips.

"Wake up please." but his eyes were fully open, his body aware and yet he felt alienated, out of place. He realizes that his skin never felt a thing and only the harrowing reality that this place was a farce.

As if it were the clue to the puzzle, the darkness broke and fell apart into a field, marred with bodies piled atop each other, the red sun above blessing those under it the horrors of a never ending terror that scorched their skin and drove them towards the brink of madness. His polearm, sullied with grime and blood. It felt heavy, like the burden he carries upon his shoulders. A little bit more and he would have lost himself too. He stood above it all and looked at the vast battlefield before him, the very nightmare he's always experienced. Just he himself standing, alone and cold, the suffocating air heavy with the stench of tarnished blood.

There were no grassy fields with a clear sky nor the old and ancient land of liyue that he grew up in and fought for.

A lone butterfly dances in the midst of it all, his body weightless as he followed it. Wondering why it called out to him in a silent way yet its presence itself made him feel at ease. Perhaps this was his salvation from being damned to this world, a small glowing butterfly. He wanted to touch it but he felt undeserving to for such an action, he might curse it as well. His eyes was set alone on its fluttering feat, not noticing the bodies he walked past nor the souls that called out to him.

And then it burst into a million, pieces of light, engulfing him in its warmth.

He welcomed it.

"Xiao!" he gasps, like his very first breath into existence and then he could feel everything there is and there was.

That's right, there was still you, beautiful eyes fully blown into worry, that face of your torn into agony at the thought of him never waking up next to you. Not feeling his skin upon your and his lips gracing your immortal soul.

You embraced him with relief, clutching his body that was filled with nightmare tremors.

"Thank you." he whispers against your neck, the sweat from his forehead sticking to you skin and you didnt care. Even if you both were covered in dirt or grime, even if both of you were tarnished by blood, nothing mattered except that you both are breathing and feeling.

"I thought Ive lost you in that wasteland, Alatus."

He kisses you with all he has, all the pent up emotions he could never say, all the love he feels for you was conveyed into actions, those hands that held a weapon of war now cupping your cheeks and all you could ever feel was his deeply rooted affection towards you. it was as if to remind him that you were still there, the sole reminder of a better world. a better life.

You who he's dedicated his heart to and not anyone else. the first of everything. sure it was a bumpy ride in the beginning as he was like a newborn babe to the emotions such as love and joy but as time took every step, the road seemed to smoothen by its grace and it became easier to approach these newfound feelings. you were glad to be blessed by the geo archon to have a long life so that you can offer your all to the land you helped protect and build and now to the man before you. Your dearly torn Alatus.

"Rest well my dear."

...

It was truly the end of the line.

Everywhere was in utter chaos, modern Liyue now fraught to ruin as an ancient God had been awakened, one you thought had been sealed away and the demons you guardians once kept away came bounding back tenfold and hungry for blood and destruction. The city that has been built from the ground crumbled , as you fought once again, just like all those years ago side by side with your comrades. People were dying as you strived to protect every single soul with your hands and just like before, several others dropped to your feet, lifeless and tossed apart like a rag doll.

You were tiring, sharp movements turned sluggish as you tore down anything evil that you came across, you prayed to whichever good god was still alive that the people had run to safety so that you could unleash your last card. A trick you've vowed to never use again as long as you are alive and the situation permits it so and yet you've run out of time. if you didnt do this now then everything would really turn to ash and nothing would bloom ever again.

Standing in the middle of the onslaught of monsters that never seemed to end, gnashing teeth nipped at your barrier only to be repelled back by a force that seemed to lose its energy. You sighed, the last ever peace you'll get to feel as the karma pushed you over the edge.

"Xiao." and as soon his name poured out your lips did he appear, an urgent look in his eyes as he slashed down any monster that came near.

"Its time." his mouth hung open, unable to find the right words to counter you, how could he? when duty was above everything, especially in the relationship you both had that bloomed from the most ancient of days. Liyue came first above all else, that was what you swore as Morax blessed you on the day of your early death. You were thankful to him that he's allowed you to live even with the price of servitude.

"Thirty seconds." was all he could muster up to say from all the torrential words that swarmed his head. just thirty seconds of peace with you was all he wanted before you walk the remaining steps towards the end.

"Alright." there was peace as you allowed it, nothing from outside was heard only the ragged breathes that came from both of your lungs. There were no monsters only two immortal beings that longed for peace, and in those weary eyes was hope for a tomorrow.

"I love you." he whispers pulling you close, those thirty seconds slowed as he held you tightly, his skin engraving the memory of you deep within. "I love you. Dont forget that."

"Even if I pass on, you will always be in my heart. Even if time goes on, your name remains on my lips. Even if everything crumbles, you in your own self will always be with me as I am with you. So my dear, my dear sweet Alatus, dont you ever cry when you wake up tomorrow to an empty bed, dont look for me when all Ive ever been is right beside you. Instead, rejoice for there is another day you get to experience for the both of us and if time allows us once again, which I am confident it will. I will find you just as you've found me."

this was your parting vow.

your peaceful barrier broke and once again you were back in the cruel reality you faced and will face till your death. Your lips find his and for the last time in this life, you poured every ounce of you in it. Your eyes had no tears and only hope and acceptance as you broke away.

"I love you." and then that was the end of your own book.

Billions upon billions of butterflies burst from you, touching every dirty, disgusting thing, purging it off this world once and for all. Your duty was fulfilled, your contract has ended and now you are free. There was nothing to worry about except to wait for the right time to find you way back to him.

Now, everything was at peace again.

Xiao, the man you've left behind for the time being stood alone once again with a single butterfly perched atop his forehead.

.....................................................................

i will get to the requests after a few days. Please bear with my low creativity juice and dwindling will to can.

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #xiao #xiao genshin impact #xiao x reader #alatus #xiao angst #xiao imagine #xiao one shot

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lordabovehelpme · 4 years ago

Text

Do you remember?- Din Djarin x Reader

Request: I'm not sure if you would do this because the angst levels are insane. So din and (wife)reader go out to a mission, but the reader gets hit really badly on the head. She survives though!! Obviously dins happy abt that but she lost her memory. This is so sad but I live for this andndmcIt's okay if you dont wanna do this, and I really adore your work smfmxmcm thankyou! -anon

A/n: Hello my dear! Oh man this request is such a good idea! I’m not the best with angst, but I hope this lives up to your expectations.

Please consider reblogging or leaving a comment, I love hearing what you all have to say! :)

Warnings: memory loss, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Cyare, keep looking at me. Stay with me!” His hands hold you to his chest as he runs back to the ship.

“Din, I wanna sleep.” Your words slur together and your mind screams at you to rest. It’s becoming too hard to keep your eyelids open, your skull throbbing.

“No no no, don’t sleep. Come on cyare, stay awake. Focus on my voice. We’re almost back.”

“‘M sorry, love you.” You offer him one smile before succumbing to the screams of your brain.

“No no no no. You’re not sorry. You have no reason to be sorry. You’re gonna be sorry if you stay asleep.” He rushes up the hatch, bringing you to his bunk, and tucks you in. Grabbing bacta and medicine, he tries to patch up every cut and bruise that formed on you.

If only he had been a little faster. He had watched as the quarry threw the explosive. He had watched as your body was thrown back against a wall. He had watched as his heart fell to his feet. Out of instinct he shot down the quarry and his legs carried him to our body.

You had looked too peaceful to have just been thrown by an explosive. And now you lay there on your bed looking just as unfazed.

***

Your body starts to move under him, signalling your wake. Instantly he opens his eyes and looks down at you, biting his lip in excitement. It’s been three days since you’ve moved. He’s tried everything to get you to wake up, extra bacta shots, small sips of water, and just leaving you to rest. Every night he wraps the two of you up in blankets and molds himself to your body.

His hand moves to cup your face, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Cyare? Are you finally waking up for me?” Your eyes open and he instantly attaches to your mouth. “Cyar’ika, I thought I lost you. You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“Get off me! Who are you? Where am I?” You push him off of you and move from beneath his body, taking the blanket and sinking into the corner. When he gives you no answer, you yell out, “Who are you?”

His eyes soften and his heart shatters, scattering into millions of pieces. “Cyare? It’s me. Din, your husband.”

You scoff, “Don’t lie to me. I’ve never even thought of marriage. Who are you?”

The child runs up to you with his arms outstretched. He babbles as he slaps your knee, climbing into your lap.

Taking the child into your arms you scowl at the strange man. “Are you a kidnapper? You are aren’t you? I know all about you. Kidnapping me and this kid, trying to fill the void of a family you don’t own. GET AWAY!”

He stops from where he was slowly walking over to you. “No cyare. I-”

“Why do you call me that?” Grabbing a wrench over to your side, you pull the child closer to your chest and hold it up to him. “Don’t get any closer, I’m not afraid to hit you. And we both know that this will do some damage.”

Fighting back tears, he stands up and rushes to the cockpit, locking himself in. Sitting in the pilot seat he rests his elbows on his knees and hangs his head in his hands. Sniffles and small cries fall from him as warm tears trail down his cheeks.

Resting on one of the shelves to the side of his seat is a framed photo. A photo he took of you on your honeymoon. You’re smiling as you hold a bouquet of wildflowers. The white flowy dress you wear highlights your curves, and your hair rests naturally. Taking the frame into his hands, he watches as teardrops fall around your face. Subconsciously he fiddles with the wedding ring that decorates his left hand.

“Hey, ummm, I’m sorry for freaking out.”

He turns and sees you standing in the doorway, hands clutched together and your head hung low. No words seem to form and he just sits there as you walk over. You sit down in front of him on the floor and take the frame into your own hands.

His eyes trail over your face, searching for every miniscule twitch and tell of your emotion. Your fingertips trace along your photographed figure. You look up at him, meeting his dewy eyes. “Where was this?”

He sighs softly, “It was during our honeymoon. I took you to a planet with a small population, that way we could celebrate without having the worry of someone seeing me without my helmet.”

You nod, your eyes unfocusing as you try and piece back together the broken memory. Slowly, you reach for his hand, taking his palm into your own hands and twirling his ring. You hold your left hand in his and play with your own ring.

“How long have we been married?”

He breaths in, too many emotions tugging on his weak heart. “Umm about a year and a half now.” Again, you nod. “Cyare?” You hum and look at him. “Do you remember anything?”

“Ummm.” Scooting forward on the floor to sit in between his legs, you rest your head on his thigh. One of his hands starts to pet the top of your head. “Not really, but my heart does this thing when I’m near you. It’s like a magnetic pull, my mind screaming at me to run into your arms.”

More tears start to fall from his eyes, as he nods. “I feel it too.”

You stand and sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. He watches as your eyes glaze and a smile forms on your lips. “Wait, I’ve remembered something.” You leech onto the spot of soft skin beneath his ear, sucking and nipping. He groans and his hands rub at your back. “I remembered how if I ever wanted anything, I’d just suck on this spot and you couldn’t say no.”

He chuckles, pulling your face out from his neck. The two of you look at one another and smile. “You have me wrapped around your finger. Do you remember anything else?”

Looking up you try to focus on anything. After a few minutes you frown, looking back down you shake your head. “No, sorry.” Water starts to build in your eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey.” His thumb brushes away the tears and he smiles at you. “It’s okay. It’ll all hopefully come back eventually, and even if it doesn’t we have our entire lives to make new memories. All I need is you in my arms.”

You nod and nuzzle into his embrace, tucking yourself away from the world. “Can you tell me what you remember?” Your hands twirl and play with the ends of hair at the base of his head.

He chuckles, “Where do I even begin?”

“From the beginning.”

“Glad to know you still have your humor.” He kisses at the side of your head as you giggle and squirm. “From the beginning…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next part: No, but I am trying

Well, I hope you all liked it! My heart hurts a little from writing this, but hey, that’s good... right?

Anyway, Love you all!

Muah xx, Lordy :)

Masterlist

Taglist: @ficthots @along-the-lines-of-space @jedi-jesi @coldlilheart @remmysbounty

If you wanted to be added/removed from my taglist- just give me a holler! I’ll happily do it! :)

#the mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #mandalorian x reader #mando #mando x reader #the mandalorian x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #angst

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beelspillowpet · 4 years ago

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if its not too much to ask, could i request mammon with a gn or male reader with severe anxiety and sleeping problems? but around him they're relaxed and playful and can actually sleep? i dont mind if its a fic or hcs, whatever you're more comfortable writing!! and if you dont want to write this, please feel free to ignore it! have a nice day <3

Kinda wanted to do them all sorry SOB;;;

MC has Sleeping Issues

Lucifer

You’re such a giddy and naturally optimistic character, it’s hard for him to imagine you’ve had any real hardships in your life. At least, not ones you couldn’t handle on your own.

He’s had his fair share of nightmares and bad anxiety over certain situations in the past. None could compare to the massive failure that resulted in him and his brothers falling, along with the death of Lilith.

However, he suppresses it well. He doesn’t expect others are always able to do the same. Which is why when you come to him at night, wishing to have comfort, from your bad dreams, he is quick to accept you.

When he’s got his arms around you, brushing the top of your head and humming to you as you drift off, you never felt safer. It seemed like the ceiling could fall away, but as long as he’s got you, he wouldn’t let go. With that, sleeping became much easier, and he expects you to depend on him in the future should you need to.

Mammon

He’s not making fun of you. Nope. He doesn’t really get nightmares or anything, no. He gets a fright every now and then, but he’s more likely to face his fears awake than he does when he’s asleep.

That is further proven when he finds you having an anxiety attack in the kitchen one night, by yourself. You had an intrusive thought about doing something horrible, and thus started to panic. What if you were sick? Evil? Worse than a literal demon?

He’s slow to approach you. He knows how these things work. He’s seen the twins have plenty when they first fell. He calls to you first, softly. Reaching his hand out and touching you next, before turning you to face him. He doesn’t move too much. He doesn’t want to scare you.

You hug him. Your arms squeeze around him, still trying to breathe but looking for any sort of physical comfort you can grasp. You found Mammon, and he’s found you. He doesn’t even know what happened. He just knows that you’re upset, and he wants to help you.

Leviathan

He lives with his anxiety. No doubt. But seeing you happy has always brought him comfort in some weird way. That it’s possible to be happy.

Even with as happy as you are, you have your downs too. In the form of an anxiety attack. It’s more than subtle- it’s almost unnoticeable. But not to Leviathan. He can tell by the way you tremble and lose focus. You were staring down silently at your lunch for a bit too long, blocking out any sound nearby.

At least until he put a hand on you. He’d scared you and you flinched a little too hard from his touch. He backed away in response and frowned at your reaction. He went to apologize, but his words came crashing together in an ugly fit.

In the end, you took his hand and quietly went back to eating. He wanted to ask what exactly was wrong, and why you just... spaced out like that. But he never liked when anyone asked him things like that, so he didn’t bother to ask you. Just as long as you went back to your giddy, happy self.

Satan

His room is always dark. And messy. Only lit up by magic and candles in certain places, it was terrifying to be in. The constant night of the devildom made his room a living nightmare for you.

Sleeping over in his room sometimes filled you with a toxic mixture of fear and anxiety. What if something was in there? Watching you sleep? What if it got to you while Satan slept peacefully nearby?

You sat up in your bed constantly, glaring into the darkest spaces in the room. Daring something to come out only for you to scream to alert Satan to protect you. But nothing ever came.

Instead, at some odd hour, Satan sat up and huffed. “Why aren’t you trying to sleep?” “Because I’m scared.” It wasn’t even you thinking for a moment. You were actively admitting to your fear of the unknown lurking nearby. With a defeated sigh, he left his bed and went to your side. He supposed he could stay with you until you fell asleep this time...

Asmodeus

Oh hell yeah anxiety. Please let it be known that even though he talks his game up BIG, he sometimes locks himself in his room and CRIES his eyes out.

You’re such a ray of sunshine in his life though, it’s rather hard for him to feel so down anymore. You two probably do cry together a lot.

He’s not sure why you feel so anxious sometimes. Is it RAD? Maybe him? One of his other brothers? What about life back at home? Whatever it is, he wants to try and help you. What cheers him up is a nice skincare routine, complete with a face mask to exfoliate his skin.

There probably comes a point where he doesn’t bother to ask. He just rushes you to his bathroom and the two of you blow off some steam. Either by bathing together, going to a salon, or just reading a magazine and filling out the silly questions.

Beelzebub

You and I both know Beel has horrible nightmares. Not often, but when they happen, it’s a dream usually about Lilith. Sometimes though, they’re about you.

He’s gotten accustom to holding your hand. Whether that comforts you in your nightmares or not is null and void in the moment. Beel is a big dude. If no one else has your back, Beel certainly always does.

To feel unsafe or insecure around Beel has to come from something he may have done, or someone or something similar to him, in the past. Maybe a societal demand for you to weigh a certain amount in order to be beautiful? He may not understand that himself, but would absolutely comfort you in it.

Should you feel as if something will creep up on you and attack, all it takes is a look from Beel to still your wandering thoughts. He will hold you close, and never let any pain find its way to you again. He’ll battle his own nightmares in due time, but yours come first.

Belphegor

Anxiety problems out the ass. We all know why. He has intrusive thoughts. He tries not to act on them, solely because he wants to believe he genuinely would know better. But he’s proven himself wrong.

He tries to keep his distance from you. He wants to be nice and get along, but he feels as though he may be unintentionally grooming you. To see you so happy all the time, even after what’s happened, it worries him. What he did was unforgivable, and yet you smile in his direction anyways? Truly, you must be Lilith’s descendant.

It’s when that happy smile breaks, and he finds you pacing the floor, holding yourself and crying, does he realize you’re not always happy. Maybe you were thinking about what he’d done to you and how absolutely fucked it was. That you can never feel safe around him?

His first instinct is to protect. He comes to you with arms open for a hug. The memory flashes in the back of his head. A offering of a hug, only to squeeze the life from you. He stops short and waits. Will you take his hug or back away? He doesn’t wait for the rejection and drops his arms instead. He looks away scared, as if he’s going to have another intrusive thought. But when you do hug him, it’s enough to bring tears to his eyes. It’s a full body hug where he can’t move his arms to return it, but he’s glad nonetheless. Glad you can find some sort of comfort in him.

#obey me #om #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #om swd #om shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me hcs

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crystal-witchiness · 3 years ago

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***Okay so I found this in my notes from May 2021 as a reaction to the scenes in the beginning of Endgame when Captain Marvel first brings Tony and Nebula back to Earth, when they first get off the ship, and when Tony yells at Steve a few scenes later when he looks like ‘Death Warmed Over’ in his robe and i thought I’d share -

Every time someone argues with me about my ABSOLUTE 100% belief that Steve and Tony had romantic feelings for each other, I’ll just show them this scene. “And I needed YOU.” He didn’t say “You guys” or “Your help.” Tony looked at Steve with so much pain in his eyes and said, “I needed y o u.” And Steve is just as broken watching Tony. This isn’t the first time this has happened between them. They had MANY scenes like this in Civil War (but I like to pretend that movie didn’t happen cause ‘ow blow a hole in my ship why dontcha?’) I mean technically I could submit that whole movie as evidence of their feelings but there are too many negative emotions wrapped up in it and it hurts. This movie is the first time they’ve seen each other since Civil War and when Tony first gets off the ship he basically falls into Steve’s arms. First of all, Steve fricking S P R I N T S when he sees Tony getting off the ship, then Tony sighs in relief and lets Steve take his weight. AND IMMEDIATELY begins unloading his grief about losing Peter cause he knew Steve would understand and comfort him. You can SEE s e e when Pepper runs up that (Ofc Tony does another sigh of relief that the snap didn’t take her (which I wish it did sorry Pepper your character stopped being interesting in the 2nd Iron Man)) Tony has to pull himself off of Steve and pretend to have it more together than he does because Pepper immediately begins crying and Tony has to comfort her. But Steve doesn’t leave his side. Tony cradling Pepper but he’s turning his body so that Steve can cradle him and ugh. Honestly I would have accepted a polyamorous relationship. Tony NEEDED someone to be the leader. THATS LITERALLY WHAT PEPPER WAS TALKING ABOUT. Tony NEVER rests because he always thinks he has to be the one to do everything, EXCEPT for when Steve’s around. Steve is the Captain and even though they bump heads (a lot, awww couples’ squabbles) Tony ALWAYS defers to Steve when it’s important. And Steve? Steve HAS to be a leader, to be helpful, in a healthy way because he couldn’t be that for most of his life in the past. He was a scrawny defenseless guy who always had to depend on Bucky. So to be able to take care of this group of wonderful people who are so powerful and yet STILL NEED STEVE? It’s who he his. It’s who Tony is too but he doesn’t WANT to be that way, he does it because he has to. He does it when no one else can or he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. This scene right now is Tony feeling helpless and so he lashes out at the easiest person, Steve. Steve is their leader and has saved them many times. Tony saw that picture of Peter and couldn’t handle his own feelings of helplessness so he lashed out to bring down the next ‘leader figure’ of the group. Steve and Tony have always been the parents of the Avengers. Steve is the most dad-est dad ever to dad. Meanwhile, Tony invites everyone to live with him while feeding them, clothing them (armor and civilian clothes) and making sure they have top of the line protection. HE LITERALLY EVEN SAYS THIS IN AGE OF ULTRON. SUCH a mom. So he wanted to make Steve feel his pain because Steve made a promise that they would lose together and Steve wasn’t there on that moon. And OF COURSE Tony knows that Steve was on earth fighting his own battle against Thanos but he wasn’t WITH Tony. And they are always stronger together than apart. (Civil War kinda proved this too) Tony sees Steve’s absence as the reason they lost, because ‘if only they’d been together’ ‘maybe we could have won if we’d only been together.’

ALSO DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TONY LITERALLY GIVING STEVE A REPRESENTATION OF HIS HEART. I know he did it out of anger and to make a point but he took away this piece of him, that he made SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE HE FELT VULNERABLE WITHOUT THE ARC, and gave it to Steve. Once again shedding that responsibility and giving it to Steve. Because even with the residual anger over Civil War, Tony trusts Steve. He says otherwise in this moment out of anger but that “vision” he talks about here? He literally watches Steve die (YEAH THATS RIGHT I SAID STEVE. Not PEPPER, NOT RHODEY, NOT ANY OF THE OTHER AVENGERS.) Wanda showed him his worst fear in Age of Ultron and it was the death of the Avengers, but he didn’t see THEM die. Everyone else, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint were already dead. Tony watched STEVE die and it was STEVE saying that Tony could’ve saved them that spurred him into creating Ultron. He was so scared of losing them and letting Steve down (and letting him die) that he wanted to wrap the whole world in armor to protect him. And he tries to do it again in this scene. He means it to be spiteful but he gives Steve his armor and tells him to hide from Thanos. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING UGH. Tony doesn’t know that out of all of the people who fought Thanos in Wakanda that day, Steve was the one who engaged in hand-to-hand combat with him. Everyone else had armor and suits, weapons, etc. Steve has his serum strength and he u s e d it. It didn’t help for very long but he used his BARE HANDS to fight an alien-monster wielding 5/6 of ALL POWERFUL infinity stones, and ofc he was never going to win, but even Thanos looked at Steve in incredulity at his bravery and resolve. A human (a super charged one at that but still a human) fought him with his bare hands and wasn’t going to stop. (Steve proved this again at the end of Endgame when he’s the last one standing against Thanos and his entire army and just tightens the strap on his broken shield, (and most likely broken arm, based on the flinch/hiss) and readies himself to fight alone. Steve also gave Wanda time to destroy the mind stone (unfortunately, that didn’t mean anything in the end)

AND YET Tony doesn’t know any of this. He doesn’t know how hard Steve fought, just like Tony did on Titan, to stop Thanos. And I REALLY wish we had seen Tony’s reaction to Steve standing up to Thanos at the end of Endgame OR EVEN WIELDING MJOLNIR, but anyways.

Back to the basics. Boss level stuff most people don’t remember or think about- Tony’s dad very unhealthily IDOLIZED Steve. He canonically compared everything Tony did to Steve. So Tony grew up idolizing this man that he also despised because it fueled his father’s abuse of him. Tony shows this anger in the first Avengers. When they have their argument on the quinjet. “Everything special about you came out of a bottle.” He even says something about how Steve didn’t live up to his father’s hype (I don’t remember Tony’s exact words but that’s the gist) And ofc Steve says Tony’s nothing without his armor. But then they go on the prove each other wrong multiple times, but mainly in their last moments in the MCU. Steve proves it by standing alone against an ENTIRE alien army and later by picking up mjolnir. And Tony? Tony is that ONE factor in a million that Stephen sees. Tony, a beautifully pure human-being, with no powers or serums to help, takes on the powers of the stones. KNOWING it would kill him. He had proof. It nearly killed Thanos and Bruce and they were hulking (pun intended) beings with super strength and all that.

Tony and Steve were always set up to be spoils to one another and that makes them perfect together. They balance each other out. Pepper was a boss b****, no doubt, and I loved their relationship in the first two Iron Man movies, but as their characters grew and Tony’s personality was intrinsically changed through trauma- Pepper was no longer right for him. She was good for him, no doubt, but Tony couldn’t relax with her as he did with Steve. Tony could trust Steve to take over and everything could be fine. Pepper was like that for Stark Industries but not in other ways. Tony always saw himself as Pepper’s protector. I will 100% give her props for telling Tony that he’d never rest until he tried Scott’s time travel theory, but other than that she wasn’t particularly supportive of Iron. Man. What Pepper never seemed to understand, and what Steve didn’t understand when he FIRST met Tony, is that Tony and Iron Man are synonymous. Their is no ‘man outside the suit.’ Tony Stark is Iron Man and Iron Man is Tony Stark. Steve was placed into an already created persona of Captain America. Steve didn’t create Captain America even though that’s who he was. He was literally MADE for the role. Tony on the other hand, MADE Iron Man. He was the one who built the first suit - dying in a cave in Afghanistan. He was the one who took responsibility for Obadiah and his father’s actions and became a superhero to save the countries that were affected by Stark tech. Steve may have volunteered to be a superhero because he felt like he had no one other choice but Tony DIDN’T HAVE TO. He had fame, money, power, ALL OF IT. He could’ve EASILY hidden his company’s dark underside once he found out. But instead, Tony was like “Hey um so my company has done some bad things and instead of delegating aid through my money and power, I’m going to personally handle this with a titanium alloy suit and technology that I helped create in a cave while being held captive by a terrorist cell.”

Where was I going with this? OH YEAH.

I will believe in TonyxSteve (Stony) for the rest of my life and I will use fanfiction to fill the void of their deaths. Basically, if I lost anyone in the word vomit above, what I’m trying to say is that- Steve and Tony completed each other. They provided something the other needed. Tony needed stability and protection. He needed to feel like he could let go. Steve needed an anchor in the present. Someone lively and opinionated, SOMEONE ADVENTUROUS AND FUNNY, who Steve could smile with and protect. But also. Steve trusted Tony to be a leader as much as Tony trusted him. They had their ups and downs. Trauma and the Accords didn’t help their relationship at all, but should’ve been it for each other. And I honestly believe they would have t h r i v e d.

Honestly I applaud anyone who made it this far. I don’t know where this all came from but I will not apologize✌🏻

I rest my case your honor.

#avengers endgame #steve rogers #tony stark #captain america #iron man #stony #marvel endgame #steve x tony #i will die with this ship #i ship them #rip stan lee

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