#i dont have alot of friends to show my drawings to

[blue-tooth-brush]

ive been sick for days but...must draw.....billl.....so many designs i love.....i must. draw....

[whimsickool]

RATING THE ENTITIES ON HOW FUN THEY'D BE AT MONOPOLY:

1.  The Flesh - 1/10, wont stop trying to use severed body parts as its player token, houses, and hotels. This would be fine if they werent so fresh and thus staining the board. Brought meatloaf and refused to specify what meat was actually involved. We agreed to order pizza instead.

2. The Desolation - 4/10, is a sore loser and barely wants to play as intended. It mostly keeps trying to flip the damn board and when finally realizing its temper tantrum won't work, they just give all their assets to one player to tilt the game unfavorably like a dick.

3. The Lonely - 5/10, didn't show up on time, didn't play, and mostly sat on the couch for all of game night watching reruns of Golden Girls. This is due to the lonely feeling one gets when realizing you'll never have friends like The Golden Girls. They still get a point for watching though.

4. The Dark - 2/10, at first they just kept flipping off the lights which made it hard to play but when The Desolation suggested candles (the only helpful thing they did all evening) The Dark responded by leaking dark water all over which got the money and chance/community cards wet.

5. The Spiral - 6/10, just enjoyed going around and around and around on the board, sorta played? Mostly lied about how much money they had or owed or what chance/community card they pulled. This was because, "math is for losers." Thus, they did whatever they could to quickly get back to going around and around the board.

6. The Vast - 4/10, played the game, didnt perform any antics, but they kept pointing out their vast amount of wealth  after getting hotels on the first row. Points lost for being a prick.  I will say, from time to time, I would get the over whelming feeling that I was falling. This wasn't a large issue until it happened to The Spiral and suddenly no one can seem to find the bathroom in petty revenge.

7. The Slaughter - 0/10, killed the pizza man. This provided two major headaches: a deadbody to deal with and the pizza being ruined from being dropped. Luckily, The Flesh found use for the dead body. As for dinner, we resorted to just munching on the snacks. Also, its really uncomfortable being threatened whenever they happen to land on your property and owe you rent.

8. The Corruption - 3/10, always brings rotten snacks covered in mold. Uses live bugs for pieces which aside from being gross is just not effective cause they dont stay still. How can I recall that their property has three houses when the peices are crawling on my wall? I also just think it is common courtesy to shower before coming over to game night.

9. The Hunt - 8/10, overly competitive but focused on the game and largely helped wrangle the others. Did keep making references to Wolf of Wall Street though which got old quick. It is worth mentioning that they also talked alot about their various hunting trips and buddies which was fine at first until they started describing a recent hunt that I think may have been my coworker who went missing last week.

10. The Eye - 2/10, cheater. Fucking. Cheater. I didn't even know you could cheat that many ways in Monopoly. Also they brought the lead pipe from a Cluedo board as their game piece and kept giggling when I asked why. Further, it is rude to pressure a trade deal by use of blackmailing. Had a lengthy argument about how technically you dont have to draw from the top of the Chance and Community Chest pile

11. The Buried - 8/10, dirt everywhere and I can't be certain but I think they made my chairs smaller? Maybe it was the table? I felt far too close to everyone. I will say they did mostly play the game but you will feel buried beneath your debt after landing on their property which... now that i think about it.. why was their rent so high? That can't be right..

12. The Web - 7/10, much like insects spiders are NOT a suitable game piece. Didn't technically cheat but managed to get ridiculous trade deals from everyone, especially The Spiral. The Desolation gave all their assests to The Eye to screw over The Web but.. to be honest the game is still going and I.. is it possible to have a stalemate in monopoly?

13. The End - 9/10, played the game but kept saying we should up the stakes by having losers die. I explained that this was the sort of game where if it goes on long enough, death is actually the preferred alternative. They understood and got really quiet for awhile. I think they are to blame for why I'm up past my bedtime. I'm growing afraid they'll all still be playing by next week.

14. The Stranger - 6/10, tried to pretend they were my mom. I know they arent my mom. So they taunted me bu saying they were my dad. This was effective as I don't know my dad. Asshole move. Also, would not stop commenting how dry my skin looked. Other than that, yeah actually played the game!

15. The Extinction - 0/10, when it was finally time for everyone to leave we all learned why Extinction had not shown up. Bad news, the outside world has been nuked. The good news is that I don't think I have to pay rent anymore. Or go to work. Oh god. What do I do about groceries?

[hiraethminds]

This is a tangent, I'm here to entertain with needless rambling

The deep rooted hatred for taco I see in the II community genuinely concerns me. Especially since those people tend to be Mephone "apologists"(For lack of a better word, I love Mephone don't get me wrong) despite how taco is the "active" side of the coin to his "passive". The connections between them are there trust me Im connecting the dots. Ive connected them.

I understand that she's done bad things, but blaming her for her shortcomings when she doesn't and never had the same support group to change as Mephone did makes me a little ehh.. Getting upset because Microphone showed her support in the new episodes simply because you don't like the ship(I understand why people wouldnt but thats not an excuse to deny her anything), and because Taco doesn't know how to change yet and you refuse to see her as anything redeemable. I'm not big on shipping, thats not the point of this tangent, but Taco finally having someone to support her and help her change is a GOOD thing. Microphone was being the bigger person there, she was being mature and thoughtful because Taco clearly needs the help. The fact that people continue to deny Taco any kind of growth even if she goes about it in the wrong way makes me deeply uncomfortable. Because the moment any character does anything bad that isn't HER they don't say anything about it. She was shunned by her peers because she was playing the game and continued to 'play the game' so to speak.

Theres a deep rooted hint of misogyny in the way they treat her, but I wont yap about that you dont need to read allat.

I understand people have reasons for not liking characters! That's ok. But I've seen them actively go out of their way to harass people that DO like Taco and actively criticize enjoying her character.

They tend to take it as defending her actions. Which is not what's happening. I don't think oscommunity could handle vriska is all I'm saying.

Feel free to not answer this I just need whatever little imp is telling me to scream about it to get out. go draw a taco dis is driving me crazy

Thank you for dumping this in my inbox bigbarf200, I feel like a wise confidant.

okay so I don't interact/observe with the wider ii community (Mainly cuz i like playing with my touys without being bothered) So this information is so Interesting to me!!!

As you mentioned, the hate might stem from misogyny (and by the way, I’d love to read your essay—talk all you want, my friend!). This is a societal issue that affects every part of life.

That said, I also think some people might dislike her simply because she’s a hustler and stubborn. When she has a goal, she’ll do whatever it takes to achieve it, even if it means crossing into morally gray areas.

holding Mepad hostage > hijacking the show

lying and deceiving objects with good intentions > winning s1

seriously hurting Fan > winning Mic immunity

as you said in the greater scheme of things, she's genuinely done horrible things. But if you just accept that at face value you are missing out on such an amazing character. You have to consider her perspective and the circumstances of her birth (especially in a story like ii!!) to fully understand and come to an option on her. But I digress this is baby level analysis so ill move on.

people who think Mic being friendly towards Taco post e14 is out of character are misunderstanding Microphone as both a character and thematic device I think

that's literally the only rational reason I could think of as to why people would be mad about taco and mic being on good terms???

so yeah, these haters just sound like crazy irrational people who have a lot of pent-up emotions. crazy

anyways ty!!! I feel like I didn't have alot to add since, as stated, these people are just incredibly irrational. but its nice getting an earful of whagh the fuck the community is like. here are soem taco drawings for the occasion

[froznwater]

im so sorry this is incredibly random but if i dont write alenoah i WILL die but i cant think of anything to write. do u have any simple ideas. ignore if not

HI!!! tysm for your ask <3 i hope you can find something to write amongst all the ideas. These are a bunch of ideas have written down in my notes/google drive/tumblr posts and have not got gotten around to. I still might at some point in time but feel free to use them. I will still do my own take if I get the time/motivation. There's simply so many, why not share and inspire some fics :)

----

General ideas:

Noah knows/learns spanish. Bonus points if Alejandro isn't aware until the perfect moment.

Alejandro thinks he can get away with flirting with Noah in spanish. Noah starts shit talking in spanish. Noah learns so he can hear all the little comments Alejandro keeps making under his breath. etc. so many possibilities.

Now that the show is over and Noah's off to college, he realizes he’s missing something in his life. Maybe it’s his friends, maybe it’s a lack of ever-looming danger, OR maybe it’s Alejandro. Who fucking knows. He’s too busy trying not to be in love with Alejandro to figure it out. 

Their group project is failing, horribly. There’s one thing Noah knows for certain: Alejandro's to blame. At what point does slippery eel turn into a term of endearment?

They have never ever fallen asleep next to each other. Let alone in each other's arms. Never.

Time loop where Alejandro is stuck on the episode where Noah gets voted out and sticks himself to falling in love because he can’t let go of his pride long enough to simply let Noah stay in the game and move on.

Noah loses his contacts and starts wearing his glasses more often. Alejandro notices. Everyone notices Alejandro notices.

Alejandro and Noah team up to get their friends together (insert whatever ship you like) and end up together in the process/the other two were trying to do the same thing for them.

A commentary timeline on how Alejandro's charisma turn into exploitation, how Noah's patience turned into indifference, and how they parallel each other. (I've written a few hundred words for this one lol.)

Each thinks the other doesn't like them. Cut to third party POV that watches and witnesses them completely a mess for each other.

Noah, once voted out in I See London, learns about Alejandro's family. Who have been very vocal since the show started airing.

Exploration of how Alejandro tries really really hard. Yes, He's at the top of the class, but so is Noah. Noah who sleeps through classes and doesn't turn in homework and shows up late or simply not at all and is still right up there with him.

“I would kill to be like you. To just absorb all the information fed to me. If I were you I might actually- “(beat my brother) “Might actually what?” “I told you. I don’t want to talk about it, Noah.” - "Do you know how long I studied for that test? Hours. And you- You got a 96 with no effort at all." It was a 98. But this seems like a bad time to correct him.

Dialogue one-liners prompts i've written down:

"If we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

“Why do I feel like I cant say no to you?”

"I know you don't actually care about me, but thank you for trying to pretend that you do." (Said by Noah is joking. Said by Alejandro is bitter.)

"You can't win against someone who has nothing to lose."(Alejandro OR Noah angst.)

Soulmate aus:

My big two: Telepathy/Mentally linked.(imagine this one as a wt rewrite omg) And Whatever you draw on yourself shows up on your soulmate. Matching tattoos.

First words on each other. (I've done this one already here. but feel free to do it as well!!)

Communicating through dreams. (If you know cardcaptor sakura; like that.)

General AUs:

Until dawn AU.

Gakuen Alice AU.

My Babysitters A Vampire AU. Zombie Apoc AU.

Harry Potter AU. Reality Dating Show AU.

Infinity Train AU!!!!!!

Veronica Mars AU!!!! (i wanna do this one ALOT noah is sooo veronica LMAO) OBLIGATORY IDEAS:

seven minutes in heaven.

wrong number.

trapped in a closet.

movie night. noah is sitting under alejandro and lol they are physically, platonically touching for awhile. (leads to finally getting together).

one gets injured, the other fixes them up in the nurses office :P.

short "prompt-ishs" i've started writing:

“What the hell is your problem, Alejandro?” And this time, the tone was so disgusted, so bitter, that something snapped, deep in Alejandro’s chest.

Fuck it.

“What’s my problem?” He asked, incredulous. “What’s my problem? You’ve got to be kidding me, Courtney. I almost died. I almost died, paralyzed and alone, and the only friend I thought I had didn’t give a single shit! The only person who cared was Noah, of all people. I quite literally come back to life and the only thing you can do is whine about your girlfriend problems.”

Courtney takes a step back.

“I was stuck in a robot for months, my legs barely work, my family moved on- actually, I don’t know if they ever actually even noticed,” He laughs, broken, “- and you have the audacity to ask me what my problem is?!”

Alejandro is over playing nice. He’s had enough.

-

this one is a rivals team up to get out courtney blurb

little idea about Alejandro getting into zodiacs.

moments where alejandro questions why Noah is so attractive

-

SEND MORE ASKS IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS ON ANY OF THESE IDEAS!!! / IF THEY HAVE ANY IDEAS OR CONCEPTS TO ADD OR EXPAND ON :)))

[jupiterjelliez]

posting this to tumblr too but nobody gaf so

The issue(s) with the Sun and Moon ‘fandom’, under the cut (i encourage you to add your own horror story regarding any topic about this)

- The sexualization 🔞

I would argue that the sexualization of these two are *almost* to the same level Toy Chica is and im so tired of it. Because of the overwhelming amount of it. You cannot search up their names without something suggestive popping up, on any platform. I fear that im looked as one of the people that sexualize them to high heaven because of the overwhelming amount of fans that do. and theres alot of people who are uncomfortable with it period and cannot get away from it. because of them we ALL look like gooners. thats not even mentioning the amount of nsfw accounts ive had to block ever since i started posting them more consistently. and they were all dca centered. its gross and it just uncomfortable. a heavy part of the issue is also the abundance of vrchat models of them. most, if not ALL are sexualized in some way. ive seen so many with higher proportions, ripped to have ‘assets’ added, for fucks sake someone enabled one of those assests in front of CHILDREN in a public lobby. makes the character unappealing too with how everyone sees him

- The sun and moon show fandom 📺

I think the first red flag was it being made only 3 months after Security Breach first released. Im not gonna get into its personal drama as i truly just dgaf but this isnt about that. Its how its affected the characters so lets start. The show gets their characters COMPLETELY wrong, its just oc’s with the name plastered on it. And the amount of stupid characters are introduced makes it hard to make custom designs and search up certain ones, such as jack o moon. The show has caused a complete misunderstanding of their character, some starting to believe that is just the undeniable canon. ive seen people get harassed over “hey this is incest” on a sunxmoon post. when its not. Ive also had my friends who do impressions be harassed to do these characters that they dont know. and have had friends who draw needing to clarify it isnt tsams. or to draw it. its obnoxious. not to mention its crawling with creeps and an unsafe enviorment for kids. i was sent death threats trying to expose those creeps that still walk away scott free today. which irritates me. also the show just sucks lol its just content farm slop? stop hyping it up? its been two years with daily nonstop.

-Watering them down 💧

ok. im not gonna name names. but 90% of fan models have ruined peoples perception of how they are designed flawlessly. and the over abundance of these models have also inbred even worse ones. i honest to god think these models started some of the biggest stereotypes when it comes to the fanart. the sharp teeth, the long hat, the petals, the claws, the paws, all things that originated from the models. makes me upset because it gets to a point where all these attributes make the design stray farther and farther from what they originally are (along with the personalities deteriorating) makes them completely different people. i have a mutual that has taken these and made their own oc based off of it and its awesome.

im too tired to continue but you get my point. i hate the way theyre treated and i dont associate with anyone who does the above. theyre underrated characters, but their fanon interpretations are overrated. they dont deserve half the shit they recieve. good day

[anonymouscheeses]

so…

about this human verse you got…

how does Al fit into all of this? Is that where Vaggie got the spell or is the gang she’s a part of also a monster hunter org?

This is Alastor's human design! I wanted him to give off a old money rich vibe. I didn't look up a reference for old money attire 😭 i jjst looked at some randim char from a show i watched that kinda gave off Alastor vibes. This may change but tbh I kinda like it the way it is. Altho one day I may change my mind <3 lore drops under cut!!

(Sorry if he doesn't look like Alastor, these human designs are mostly based on my redesigns so they look even MORE different than usual ill get better hopefulllyyyy)

Husk(left) is Vaggie/Valerie's dad in this au cuz I said so unfortunately. Sorry i dont make the rules! Husk is Salvadoran like Valerie cuz ofc, like he's 100% black but I wanted him to be Valerie's dad soo I was like.... yeah win sum lose sum. But dw I have SO much black characters on the way. It's kind of terrifying!!

Alastor tries to be like a dad to Valerie but she resents him. Her mom died to a sickness, and Valerie has no room in her for another parent figure in her life except Husk.

Also, Al is gay aroace, so when he fell in love with Husk he was SO surprised likeee how??? He was his first love ever and Al just loves him dearly despite never loving anyone ever before. He's still a girls girl ofc but brutha is gay u can't tell me otherwise 😍

Charlie gave him the headband with the antlers that she cheaply made herself. Alastor loves them genuinely. (If Alastor cares abt Valerie or Charlie is purely up to viewer, but if you want to see him care for orr like be toxic to them send a request fr fr imma draw that shi 😍🙏). Alastor is the only one who knows that Charlie is a demon because he's the one that taught Valerie how to summon a demon(YOU'RE SPOT ON. HOW??).

(Also I forgor the stripes. Sorry I was so sleepy drawing this you can probably telll.😭)

Alastor is still a cannibal, his husband and step daughter just doesn't know it yet, and NO he will probably never tell them unless forced to or he feels like he can. This man is the friend the smiley bro 😭

I'll maybe soon draw what happened between Valerie, Lute, and Adam during the fight, since ALOT happened. But it may be a bit before I get to that

Alastor taught the kids young how to summon demons the WRONG way. Because obviously he didn't want literal immature kids to end the world completely. The trio spent years finding ways to summon just one demon. Adam did it to create chaos, Lute just followed, and Valerie just loved having fun with her friends.

Now that they aren't childhood best friends. And that whole fight happened. Valerie doesn't know what to do. Alastor suggests she gets a bodyguard from hell, any demon at all(Demons are devoted to you as long as you keep a part of your deal with them or you break the contract of summoning one). Aaaaand that's how Charlie came to be summoned! Valerie got her eye stabbed out, Alastor was being silly and taught his kid how to summon a demon, Valerie was like "aight ig", then summoned her future wife.

(WILL ALSO ONE DAY DRAW THE FIRST TIME CHARLIE AND VALERIE MET.... ONE DAY....)

Fun fact: Alastor has a radio station of his own that he plays 1920's music in. Although most people would rather NOT listen to old times music, somehow he makes it work that people always listen to his radio. Maybe a deal with a demon of some sorts...? Perhaps... :>

[superstarzolar]

FNaF Athazagora Au Cassidy

i was gonna wait to upload this until after i finished a drawing of charlie but i said Fuck It because i like this. anywayz here’s a progression of my cassidy from 1982 (charlie’s death), 1983 (sammy/cc’s death), and 1985 (the mci).

i’ve noticed that alot of cassidy interpretations are very….. Strange??? Like they don’t understand how a child behaves??? They make cassidy out to be somebody who was “ready to die” and was just itching to be killed so they could be evil??? not hating on those types of cassidy’s i just dont get them

i wanted to note things about cassidy’s design because i put a lot of care into the symbolism of their outfits!!!

1982 is themed around red, but has both green and yellow elements as well. the red is supposed to be like a red light, or a stop, which is a contradiction to cassidy’s life at that point: they are growing up and “go”-ing. the yellow bear on their overalls (not seen in this drawing) obviously represents golden freddy. the green is supposed to also be a callback to charlies (usual) theme color.

1983 is themed after yellow, with both red and green hints to represent the stages before and after this one. the yellow is supposed to show the midpoint/the “slow down” of cassidy’s life, but is also made to resemble the fanon yellow cassidy. on their shirt (once again, not shown) is the word “meow”, which references the cat on charlies shirt, along with two flowers, also representing the flower symbolism of sammy/cc.

1985 is very green!!! ever since i first made cassidy back in august of last year, i knew i wanted them to be green. although i’m just now adding on the traffic light meaning, the color swap with charlie was always intentional. most fanon interpretations associate/base cassidy off of yellow, and charlie off of green. my charlie doesn’t have a lot of yellow anymore, but he used to!! anyways color rambling aside the yellow bear is, again, golden freddy.

i just yapped incoherently so sorry gang…. but anyways tldr cassidy greeeeeenn….

final side note: the flower shown is a zinnia, assigned to cassidy by the same friend who assigned charlie dahlias⭐️

[bee-ina-boat]

HI FRIENDS!!!! so i got into cult of the lamb around january and in that time i have worked on a bunch of art and only JUST finished this MONSTER of a project. its taken alot of time because of how slow i am, plus life stuff and other art projects aswell- but MAN IM JUST EXCITED TO FINALLY POST THIS LOL!!! :D!!!!!

so this is my concept art for my lamb characters! i have like 6 different aus already and a few of em has their own version of the lamb and i love them sm- heres some background info on em if ur curious!

Lambert - the Sacred Lamb - genderqueer, they/them - demiro/demisexual - Valais blacknose sheep - weapon of choice: sword based off of my interpretation of the canon lamb and their story! silly, merciful, kind to their flock, but also a tad fucked up. silly lil guy!! silly lil goober! i love them! :D!!! they also have the "vessel and god to enemies to friends to lovers" pipeline with narinder, and lemme tell you when i finally get to drawing art for them its OVER for yall

Sherpa - The Zealot - agender, they/them - demiro/ace - Scottish blackface sheep - weapon of choice: dagger the idea of them was: "what if the lamb had a very unhealthy obsession with religion and their god and was so incredibly fucked up about it" and thats how sherp was born baybeyyyyyyy their story includes alot of dark religious themes and it gets really sad and messed up. their relationship with narinder is reallllll toxic. at first at least. kinda. idk their au has 2 endings and in one it gets better and in the other it gets. alooot worse lol. we love that for them <3

Laramie - The Black Sheep - pengender, they/he/she - pansexual/panromantic/polyamorous - Shetland sheep - weapon of choice: axe so basically. they were inspired by the term black sheep. theyre a lil failure who cant do anything right, has horrible self esteem, and cannot handle being the "prophetic lamb" at all. they die all the time, and many followers ended up losing faith in her early on, its a mess lmao him and narinder dont actually have anything romantic going on, their relationship in this au is moreso a mentor and student type thing. also laramie has a huge polycule by the time narinder is freed. and she also gets downbad for heket when she shows up dfjljhdsfsdfgb

im so excited to do art for the au's i have aaaaaaaaaa, but rn im finishing up some bishop art!!! so look forward to that!!

anyway closeups are under the cut :D!!!

[gloomingstar]

Hey. Someone said on tiktok you were f@tph0b1c and a manipulator, and you drew NSFW with their OC. What's up with that?

Good evening/morning/afternoon to everyone it's Gloomy! And I'm going to talk about the people calling me problematic and pointing out the other shitty stuff, etc.. I have did! Before I start a reminder I don't want to start anything violent or a big argument about this I just want people to understand me. So let's get started

(English isn't my first language and sorry if I didn't talk about this sooner I didn't really pay attention much until it got worse)

As you guys seen the videos (video was made by ex), and screenshot, transphobic, fatphobic, etc.. I'll be talking about that.

So first of all I'm not transphobic some not only just me messes up with people's pronunciation and sexuality! Everyone can make mistakes about that and I hope you know that I have apologized to the person I have offended, I respect trans people and I have a trans friend, About the fatphobic, I'm not a fatshamer, well it's ok to have many different body shapes and I respect peoples body but saying it few times doesn't mean I'm completely a body shamer! Not to mention that the kid I have said about IS a body shamer and lowkey racist himself too, and don't say that I'm making fun of people's name I'm just calling my seat mate "carbonat" because I'm preventing to say her real name, she's ok with that calling her that, my classmates doesn't have to be included in the situation !! And what do you mean by I'm a "manipulator" do you even know the meaning of that word? I have no idea how I manipulated anyone maybe I wanted to be friends again with the person they made the video about me? I'm just trying to be friendly and forget about the past, if you really see me that way then you should just say the truth and say don't want to be friends with me again, saying the truth can't be that hard. If people will may ask "will you continue to do this", "will you continue to be problematic?" No I won't! I'm a changed person now all of this have happened way back In summer around June or July! It's very weird cus the person just making video about it all of sudden now after breaking up with them.

And the "nsfw" arts, I don't see the nsfw in the arts cus do you also know what does nsfw actually look like and the meaning, btw the arts was meant to be a joke and for shits and giggles!! Learn to take a joke without taking it as a high offensive way, and I don't like my doodles and sketches getting shown to other people if you really was uncomfortable with it why didnt you just point it out instead of just laughing it off and then show it to your "friends" and THEN posting it! thats an another level what took you so long to realise that and you know I could've understood it and stop drawing it in inappropriate way its your fault too, and I also feel guilty and ashamed about how I drew that person's oc with mine and I'm sorry about that, and no I did not draw all of the hellpark characters as a "nsfw" and i drew only once, all artist atleast draw one bad thing but why even care? Please stop spreading fake rumors about i drew all of the hellpark characters in a inappropriate way! And I know I got carried away with the arts, I looked at the comment that was in the video saying that I have drew more inappropriate arts, no i did not and i dont know you, i have never seen you, and i NEVER interacted with you unknown person! And that doesn't mean you have to bring the past and something happened literally alot months ago or while in the summer, get over it!!

Second of all, about my behavior getting called as "immature" and "insensitive". Not all teenagers have to be matured in their age, you were more immature than me, there is something called having fun, hope you know that. I'm not insensitive, I struggle with trying to comfort someone and understand someone's feeling doesn't mean I'm insensitive well I admit that i didn't listen to that person vent and I feel sorry for them and still feel guilty about it, I have apologized to them many times, maybe you have should stop hiding the truth and not forgive me it can't be that hard to not accept someone's apology if they actually did something bad to hurt someone like that. And yes I understand that it was hard for you. You could've just left me at the spot. Feel disgusted and sick about me , block me everywhere yall you want but I'm stating the facts and ok I admit that I have a bad temper and get mad easily and I have offended someone's partner writing alot of shit about the server and about them (srry about that bro.) Also calling me a "proshipper" are you trying to gaslight me or other people or what, if I ever shipped an adult with a minor I'm very sorry about that but I just don't remember how I shipped a minor with an adult my memory is bad, my apology.

Third of all, let's not bring my irl friends into this kind.. of situation (my classmates includes), they have said that they don't want to be included in it and they are not comfortable doing anything about it, maybe if you haven't said anything offensive about my friend she shouldn't have said something back too! And you don't even know what we are saying in our language so why point that out. And I apologized to that person afterwards. If you may ask if I have evidence of them, no I do not have evidence of them most of the time me and the person are in a call so I don't voice record, screen shot person's stuff, I respect peoples privacy and it would be weird as hell to just screen shot someone's screen like that and I wouldn't want to do that but someone said to me that they leak people's stuff and leaked someone's phone numbers, leaving friends, and body shaming ex friends and making fun of people! And I also don't want want my things to be screen shotted and get leaked in the public I understand that you had to do it but you have screen shotted other things beside than that, it's really weird and uneasy and mostly disrespectful for me too. I trusted that person too much, lesson learned. Like is there a problem about me talking shit about other people i hate and other problems to that person without getting them offended when it's NOTHING related to them, know your limits I have boundaries and privacy too and I want that to be respected! A reminder that learn to listen to other people's stories and think twice before attacking!

Fourth of all. No I did not ruin anyone's mental health neither I didn't ruined the person health I broke up with. I don't understand how can one ruin someone's mental health through virtual screen, let's just say that I have my own life I have things going on in real life too I don't just look through my phone all day and getting online, I have school, alot of homework/assignments, etc i have alot of things to do beside than drawing, I only draw in my free time and I know I'm not drawing everyday like I used to post. I need some times for myself too, and I feel very much sorry about that to that person I didn't pay attention enough and I just want to say im sorry for everything's I did. But this time they took It too far by posting a video about me? Please don't blame your mental health on people it's wrong thing to do to cover up that they are wrong and just more shittier than me in GENERAL! Get some common sense instead of immediately start blaming the person about their aftermath relationships.

Another thing I want to say that not everyone is always kind and innocent and full of joy, everyone has atleast did one mistake or many in their lifes you just deny that because you don't want other people to see you as a bad person, just learn to get over the past, if you don't want any problems then you should keep it to yourself instead of spreading it. Reconcile with fate.

Fifth of all, this one kinda targeted so. Do you really think you are a good friend when you are literally just leaving out your other friends just because they are quiet and doesn't talk much, introvert people exist and you know that, what do you mean you used to talk to me alot I don't remember talking with you much? You just make other feel very left out for your "cool friends" maybe you should pay attention to your other friends that is trying to talk to you and you just leaving them like that the next months.

Sixth of all. This one is very important. I have seen many anonymous sending death threats, grape jokes to me because of what, you just can't accept the fact that you can't say to me in my face, dms, without being yourself an coward anonymous, do you think it's funny? It's not I assume that you're one of ex's server member coming after for my blood, please tell your members to not send death threats in my inbox just for my reaction I do not need to give a fuck about that thank you.

One thing is I have permanently left hellpark ri, I'm not interested and I don't like it anymore, so don't attack me on that.

So that's all I have to say for, I hope you all understand this that I'm very ashamed and guilty about my actions and offending people, I apologize for everything I have did and I'm sorry if I didn't talk about this earlier. Please forgive me. Thank you for reading all of this. I do not want to come out as an problematic person.

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

update 11/21

actual serious pinned because some people dont Understand the other one apparently. i talk about serious things and that does include gore and essentially anything that would need a tw. huge gore draw-er also. serious things basically. most if not all portrayal of mental illnesses is based on my own experiences so do not come here saying you dont like how i show it. that being said my blog is not all entirely about that and its mostly silly and or shitposts actually. also i actually dont usually tw things uhmm. were playing roulette here. basically if you get triggered by anything i wouldnt recommend being here its always a 50/50 on if i post something silly or traumatic. dont vent in my inbox unprompted i do not fucking care i will not respond and you will only make me uncomfortable. dont be weirdly sexual at me!! i am a minor!!! i dont fucking care nor want to hear about your sex life or about your fantasies or your private areas!!!!!!! dont shove weird relationship statuses onto me either. i am not your family i am a stranger on the internet

do Not post my art uncredited unless ur a mutual or i say its fine im serious idgaf if its just a silly doodle

standard dni i guess. racists terfs homophobes proshippers zoophiles. all that. also people that ship Real Life People Instead Of The Characters. youre all fucking weird and i dont want you here ill actively make fun of you and then block

i am pro endo and i have endo friends so if you dont like that its ultimately up to you if you wanna be here or not. most htfasj fans have me blocked but if you are one and you dont ur on thin ice bro. im not forgiving any of you for fucking jumping me for saying i wasnt a fan of it. also please for the love of god if you ship glsneeg with any of the other characters do Not talk to me about it because there is a good chance i will throw up in my mouth and block you. glanboo/hetch shippers on thin ice. guy who came up with that kind of ruined it for me and now it just makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time

i have autism and im gay and i use faggot. i have some other problems that will fuck me up or that ill talk about sometimes but thats all you really need to know so im not going to dox my medical problems here

less important stuff under cut heart emoji

nearly everyone i interact with calls me sneegen. idc if new people do its basically my government name atp

this blog is genloss themed but also i talk about my genloss ocs more than the actual thing now 😓 still a huge genloss fan but sneeg and frank are the only guys ill ever talk about in there and i will throw up slash negative if i have to talk about glanboo. do NOT come here asking about glanboo unless ur a mutual im serious. i take sneeg/frank and the horror that comes with it so violently seriously and overall theres a few genloss ships i like so if ur one of those guys that think any shipping is weird you probably wont like it here. also i usually dont use any of the main tags for. anything i post. if you wanna find something youre stuck to manually searching just like everyone else sorry

kind of multifandom i guess. i have moments where i get really fixated on other media and i post about it for a bit. sneegsnag is usually a common factor in this. heavily into marble hornets creepypastas tmnt dantdm jacksepticeye and markiplier. both of their ego content and any of marks projects by extension. not into ethan nestor As Much but he is included and so is blankgameplays. i like qsmp but if i talk about it its only ever abt qsneeg or qcharlie or qdantdm and his family sometimes. osmp enjoyer but again ill only talk about sneeg if i talk about it at all

the biggest music enjoyer in the world guys. not a professional but i will talk about songs i like sometimes. tfb and teenage disaster mostly i think. maybe typhoon and bcnr also. maybe even alot of midwest emo because im a loser. im literally tfbs biggest fan guys

for my dumbass ocs i do talk about and draw them Alot. and theres alot of heavy stuff in their stories so like. if you get badly triggered by gore or murder especially i wouldnt. recommend reading into them too much. but idrk why youd be here if you did thats like my whole thing really. i dont usually talk about the actual triggering stuff in their stories i think at most ill make a vague comment that implies something but thats about it

you are allowed to draw and write and make hcs and aus for my guys i actually actively encourage it and also show me when you do i think its wonderful. ill talk about them forever if you ever wanna know something just ask and theres a 85% chance ill actually answer it

the only things im 100% serious about for my ocs is that theres canon ships for a reason. i do not give a FUCK if you think a different one is better or interesting because its not. if you come into my asks shipping anything that isnt canon im actually going to block you. im very nitpicky about this because they are My creations and every single thing about them is heavily important to me. also if you baby or demonize any of my ocs im allowed to kill you legally btw.

I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF YOU WANT MY OCS CARNALLY!!! there are certain times where i wont mind if you say stuff like that about them just DONT TELL ME ALL THE TIME!!! it is funny sometimes and sometimes i may encourage it but please god dont tell me how you want to fuck them in graphic detail unprompted. also if thats the only thing you talk to me about and you dont actually bother to know them as characters i will probably block you!!!!

if you want my ocs included in your oc lore please just. Talk To Me. about it. please. if youre normal and dont violently misinterpret my ocs ill probably be okay with it just TALK TO ME ABOUT IT

heavy encouragement to use all your braincells to interpret my ocs characters properly. idk how much more mischaracterizing in my inbox i can take

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[lunarleonardo]

I was gonna put something here but decided to check ao3 first and THABK GOD I DID cuz that was hands down the best chapter ever. Im gonna say the other thing i wanted to say in a different ask because I need to talk this out soo uhh here comes another yap session from me :3

Just the first sentence made me actually scream (my poor friend was a witness of this as i sent her dozens of voice messages qwq) because oh my GOD ORPHAN KOKICHI!!! AAAA!! This is making me super duper happy because JCJDJFJDJD KOKICHI ive read alot of kokichi pov fics and I can assure you you are NOT mischaracterizing him and anyone who thinks so missed the whole point. He is being PSYCHOLOGICLLY TORTURED!!@@?! HE IS NOT OKAY GUYS!!@@%!! I did notice how the mastermind acted a bit differently each time but I thought it was just dependinf on tsumugis mood i was NOT EXPECTING THIS!! HELLOOO?!?#$&!?!? the tho8ght of there being more of them ooohj you are so SO clever your ideas just feed into mine and UDHDHJDJS i dont think theres a time i wqs ever even slightly dissapointed with ypur writing because it ALWAYS HITS THE RIGHT SPOTS and ooohh it just keeps getting crazier and I finally found something where I am the target audience and it is making me gen so happy JXJDJDJE oh and don't even get me started on the END?!?!? HEELLOOO?!?! Shuichi my poor little baby oh my god I am going insane AAA I am so not prepared for what shes about to do to him i have a teensy weensy feeling they are gonna get tortured together and that is.perfec.iom AND LITERALLY ONE OF THE THINGS I WROTE. I like roleplayinf my silly ideas and then if its good enough i write it out and there was this one wehre likee im not gonna rsmbke about thst now but basically THAT. Like they have ti make choices and watch eschother suffer and OOOHHH THE DESPAIR!!! And also. The last sentence. ??. I REMMEMBER THAT PIC YPU POSTED. STRAITJACJRTB KOKICHI. THAT WAS THERE. I feel like this is important since it was mentioned in the official art AND OH i am SO excited AAAAAAA

Well....thats that....i really hope i dont annoy youbwith my long ass asks i just like showing how much I LOVE your storys and ideas by writing out my thoughts LOL i do wanna draw something about thus but it is late and I do wanna write another ask about the thing I was originally gonna say SOOOO that can wait till tomorrow TwT BYEE!!

(*^▽^)/★*☆♪ I love these long asks!!! Don't worry!!

It was probably cus I finished the chapter at like 3am when i was insecure and anxietyridden that I felt so nervous about it but it sounds like it came out okay! :P I realized that the only time I've ever rlly gone into my Long Standing Kokichi Backstory(Fanon) was in m5 with that girl, so I figured now might as well be the time to explore it more in depth ゜゜(´O｀)°゜

:O That . Roleplay writing story thing. Sounds SUPER INTERESTING omg I love roleplaying!! ♪ヽ(´▽｀)/ i rp with my girlfriend and currently im on my #316th streak of reminding her to respond. its success rate is stagnatingly low

Tsumugi's Mood seems to have been a big part of everyones assumptions so,, I'll tell u this. There are very specific "styles" of torture each person will do. The violent one prefers to be physical, the cruel one (also known as "doll whumper" in my notes ;3) prefers things on a more psychological standpoint, but will definitely lash out if they lose enough patience (hence them dislocating kokichis shoulder QwQ)

i cant say much more than that cus i fear i have a story to write and i cant give out "spoilers" or whateverrr but . time will tell!

Thank you so so much though!! Im super glad ur enjoying it lol (*＞∇＜)ﾉ

[astroels]

hey, i just wanna make sure this will be okay with you! i wanna send in a request where the reader has HEAVY symptoms of/like borderline personality disorder and farmhouse!ellie helps and understands, etc!! because ive shown ALOT of symptoms of it, but i haven’t been able to go to doctors about it :( i am totally down with helping you with this request (only if you are comfortable doing this!)

(anyone who’s sees this, pls DONT take offense to this and please don’t have a go at me (cause it won’t end well, & obviously, it will just send me in to a deeper and darker hole, that im already in!!) and to this kind human who’s writing this!! just be kind, im currently experiencing this for such a long ass time now and it’s such a tough battle, and it’s a heavy and deep journey).

here’s some topics i can help with:

(this is what i experience personally)

- splitting // seeing someone or something (like a situation) either good or bad, it can NEVER be seen in between). this makes asking for advice or reading someone or the situation to be dealt with A LOT more harder… cause i only want one answer, it can be in the middle. it MUST be a yes or no, i hope that makes sense?

- dissociation // feeling disconnected with your senses, can’t tell which is which and it’s incredibly hard to snap out of it.

- heavy feelings of emptiness // having a lack of purpose in general, it’s irritating when you can’t properly and very physically feel your intense emotions :(

- fear of abandonment // scared of ending up alone, just like what ellie said (that’s what ellie and reader can bond over w? or understand about the reader).

- emotional instability - disturbed patterns of thinking or perception ��� "cognitive distortions" or "perceptual distortions" impulsive behaviour. intense but unstable relationships with others.

- paranoid ideation // when im constantly scared or suspicious being secretly followed, plotted against, always in a constant state of deep anxiety.

- unstable/intense relationship // with me experiencing such intense emotions, etc. this can creat so much short, unstable and intense relationships with anyone i come across in life. // the readers first actual long healthy loving relationship with ellie is her first :(

- sh behaviors… (pls dont do this, if this triggers you)

could you possibly add in about ellies drawings/journal about the reader and bpd… to help her understand and help around the farmhouse for the reader. ellie and tlou helps me so much in so many ways. (abt me and my mind) bc i feel like her drawing about reader and the symptoms/memories of ellie being here can help me so much :)

𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

a/n: I tried to touch on topics that you mentioned and with information I'm aware of since I have a friend with bpd, if anyone has a problem with this, do let me know, I am in no means writing this to be disrespectful or stereotypical, I just hope someone is able to find comfort in this :)

cw: arguments, mentions of sh (i will mark when it shows up), joel is dead in this (sorry joel)

apocalyptic!au

At first, having to hide your disorder from Ellie was a struggle. There was an intense fear that came with the idea that Ellie would back off as soon as she found out it. It was hard enough to mask the feeling, and even harder when you felt the symptoms that ruined previous relationships ooze into your current one with Ellie. Eventually, you just couldn't hide it anymore. You had to be honest even if rejection was a likely path.

"Ellie, I really need to talk to you." It'd come out in a burst of impulsiveness, no longer being able to keep it from her. From where you were laying on her lap, you'd straighten, looked down, besides her, anywhere where you didn't have to face her.

"What's up?" She'd be looking at you intently, with the shine in her eyes that showed she was curious as to what was to come and her voice gentle, as she naturally was with you.

"I really can't hold it together anymore, I struggle." You paused, didn't everyone? The words felt thick in your throat. You continued after cleaning your throat. "Mentally, 'm pretty sure it's borderline personality disorder, and theres no way to help it." Ellie stared at you, expressionless, waiting for you to continue. "It's always been there, before you, these past few weeks, and when I'm alone. I feel so trapped, Ellie." Everything you said came out rushed, in raspiness, in choked sobs that this was the end of a relationship that could've been something better in your life. "I'm not okay and I'm probably not something you want to deal with." You didn't think she wanted more baggage in this already ruined world.

Ellie didn't speak. Were you too honest? Were you too blunt? Too clingy in such a short time? What was wrong with you? A second passed by with you left in thought. "Oh, baby." Ellie pulled you in, letting you breathe in the slight dirt scent that lingered on her shirt.

She held you for awhile, allowing your tears to ease into falters before speaking again. She pulled away, her hands on your cheek, wiping the last of your tears. "You've never felt like someone I've had to deal with. Disorder or not, I'm going to stay with you, okay?"

Incredible doubt still filled your mind, her words seeming to just sink into you and not touch where it mattered. "What if you realize I'm not worth it? What if you leave? I can't handle that Ellie." You said in almost a whisper, her love was too good to be true, everyone always left when they found out the reality of your behaviors and emotions.

"You're worth more than you realize, baby. I promise you, as long as you need me, I'll always need you. We're going to do this and learn together." She'd caress your cheek, calming you with the sensation of her touch. "And besides, I'm just as scared of losing you." She'd give you a slight smile followed by a kiss on the cheek to lighten the mood. Ellie wouldn't dare make you feel like something she'd have to "deal" with. After your first mention, she picked up books from Jackson to further look into it.

Even if you knew the farm was strayed away from any communities, and it was very unlikely that any infected would stray towards the farm, the anxiety swelled up in you. It was so easy to lose Ellie and everything you've grown together, just by a simple mistake of overestimating your safety. It happened often when you'd hear a noise at night and couldn't sleep, saw something move quickly in the corner of your eye, or even when Ellie was gone for too long. Your fear would turn into forms of skin picking and eventually lead into panics that induced loss of breath and worry. Ellie, of course, did her best to help you through these panics.

You hated bothering Ellie with how you felt, but you promised her you'd be more open and try to be communicative instead of shutting off when something was happening. You kept hearing it, the clicking noise that was going to cause your death any second now.

"Ellie," you whispered, rocking her arm a bit to wake her. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed in sudden wake. Her green eyes looked pretty hazy, but she quickly rose when she saw the shakiness your body was in.

" 's the noise again, baby?" She leaned to her side to pick up her glass of water, offering it to you. Supposedly, fresh water was supposed to cool the body, along with the scent of herbs. Ellie had you trying natural supplements while she found a trader who had medication. All you could form was a simple nod after you drank from her water, your throat burning from anxiousness.

That was all Ellie needed to understand what to do. It'd happened before, and she was glad you woke her up this time. Ellie scootched closer to you, allowing your head to fall on her lap. There was no way to block the noise but to fill the silence.

Ellie took it upon herself to play with your hair, leaving tingles all across your head, and singing for you, songs she created, songs she found, songs Joel had sang for her. She filled the room with her voice to block the outside noises that burdened their mark in your mind. " 's gonna be okay, baby." Her sensation eventually soothed you. Even on rough nights, she didn't give up on helping you.

With BPD, there were empty days, days where you couldn't reciprocate anything, days where everything seemed challenging, it wasn't something you felt you could do. Completing any farm task became a haze. You mentally weren't present in the day. The things you could do seemed to be done messily, which made your helplessness feel even worse.

You knew it was time to get up, time to water the plants, fetch the clothing from the line, and prepare lunch, but you couldn't. If you tried in a state like this, everything would go bad and end up sending you into spiral. Ellie's words passed through your mind. " 'ts alright babe, only do what you can, when you can." She made sure to tell you it was okay, but you still felt useless tucked into bed while she was out hunting and fetching things from Jackson.

You decided to go downstairs and start on some laundry. It's the least you could do to stay organized at such a time. Ellie had been gone for a while now, the hallow feeling inside you carved deeper each moment you felt the absence of her. She couldn't fix you, but the knowledge that she was around made it the tiniest bit better.

A load of laundry was done when you decided to just get back in bed. There was no use fighting what was inevitable. Time passed as if you were watching a train, you weren't moving, but time surely was. You spent the rest of the day wating for Ellie, growing impatient in the increasing grayness.

While looking at the window, the sound of a door rattling burst your train of thought. Ellie's voice of letting you know she was home was faint. Would she notice that today was an off day? Would she be as caring as the other days? You heard her making her way upstairs momentarily.

The moment she walked in, she glanced at you and spoke with a gentle tone, pushing you into a cloud. "Hey baby, how're 'y holding up?" She continued around the room to change, leaving herself in a tank top and pj shorts. Your silence spoke volumes, you just couldn't respond. Your voice didn't want to be heard, it felt trapped in your throat. You nodded at her, making eye contact as reassurance you weren't mad, just drained.

Ellie grew understanding of these times, whether they lasted for days to weeks, she was there. She got into bed with you, seeking your warmth for a little while before she had to make dinner. She knew you didn't take care of yourself properly these days, so it was most obvious that she'd be right at your service, asked or not.

Arguments were not a likely thing to happen, but that didn't remove the possibility of it. Sometimes, you just couldn't help the feelings that bubbled up and were unstoppable. It came from stress, irritation, or just something Ellie said that sounded off putting. This part was the hardest for Ellie to communicate through, as she has her own communication issues; However both of you shared a fear factor of being abandoned. This alone gave the courage to work through the outbursts. Hard to handle, but ultimately manageable. (Tw for sh starts here, head to next section to skip)

Ellie had traded some time ago for pills, they were supposed to stabilize your mood, they really just made you unable to think as much and light headed. It wasn't the best medication, but it's as far as a post-apocalyptic world could provide. At first you took them daily as suggested, but when you learned Ellie had given one of her knives joel had crafted before he died, immense guilt filled you everytime you took one or even looked at them. The thought Ellie gave up something so special for you, made you nauseous.

In guilt of her action, you "forgot" to take them for several days, possible weeks. You thought if you were less dependent on them, Ellie wouldn't have to trade something like that again. What didn't cross your mind was Ellie noticing the difference of you on and off the meds. She noticed the way your irritation and mood swings became intense, noticed the way you pushed her away more often. The truth would come crashing down once the both of you made a wrong tone.

You were putting away dishes when Ellie approached you. "Tommys' invited me over tomorrow, said he's gonna talk to me about something." You usually wouldn't be annoyed at Ellie's absence but she'd hardly been home all week and you felt discarded. "Okay." Was all you could form in a rude tone. The actions of you putting away the glasses became unconsciously harsher. "Okay?" Ellie eyed you. You gave her a look and continued with the dishes.

The silence rung in your ear, you felt hot, the warmth crawling up your neck. Before you realized, a glass shatterd on the floor and made you wince. You cursed under your breathe while Ellie spoke out. "What the fuck is up with you?" Her eyebrows were furrowed and her tone was slightly impatient. "Nothins' up." You made your way to the kitchen doorway to grab a broom. "Look, I can't be doing this." You heard Ellie sigh. "You're gonna have to speak up." You hated the way your heart felt so heavy, you didn't want to "speak up", you wanted everything to end already.

You turned to look at her. "I know about the pills, Ellie." Ellie looked like she had an arrow of shock hit her. You continued to speak after a moment. "I don't want to take them if it means you'll be sacrificing things like that."

Ellie was biting the inside of her cheek, her face looking frustrated above anything. "I don't want to exhaust you any longer, I can't do it to you, Ellie." You stared at her for any signs of reading how she felt. No effort could ever tell you what she was thinking. "What's done is done, just take the fucking pills." Her tone seemed increasingly harsh. "No, Ellie, I don't want to burden you any longer."

"You've already become a fucking burden, 's too late to worry about that now." Your heart dropped. Out of everything she could've said, you never thought it'd come to that. You could tell she regretted it by the way she gasped and immediately started attempting to apologize, but you couldn't anymore. You had already began to run up the stairs into the bathroom, your mind ringing with her words. If you were a burden, it'd be better to stay in there and rot away.

You were left alone in the bathroom with your thoughts, alone with your hidden "safety" kit, if you could call a box that held such a harmful purpose, safe. But it's okay because this never left you, this was always there for you. It would just be this time you told yourself; you needed the comfort.

You knew how to clean up well, the only way Ellie would notice is if she really looked. She would probably check, considering she knew your destructive behavior. You wish you could feel pity over yourself for relapsing, but it just felt so numbing, It took no effect.

A sudden knock frightened you as you scrambled to put away all your materials. "Baby, will you please come out." You didn't know how to respond. Now that she was here, you knew how disappointed she'd be about what you did. Not telling her wasn't an option, you'd feel like a liar. "You're not a burden babe, I promise you you're not." She sounded stuffy as if she'd been crying. You couldn't ignore her for long, simply unlocking the door as an invitation.

Ellie quickly opened the door and brought you into a hug. You didn't hug back, but she understood. You stood there wondering if she'd hate you. Would she finally let you go? No, you couldn't keep doing this to yourself. You let yourself sink in her arms, crying. Her words are the last thing you remembered for the next days that passed like a fever dream. "I love you, my angel."

You never understood how quickly Ellie was able to adapt to your mania and depressive episodes. It was quite a lot to deal with and retain. You never understood until you found her journal she'd left out. You were cleaning up the table as your eyes found their way to her open words and drawings. She had thoughts, lists, notes about what was okay, not okay, what helped you, what hadn't. It was awfully sweet, she really cared and it showed. You didn't know how you manged to make her your girlfriend, her beauty and love always made your heart flutter.

Ellie once asked you to be the star of her nude drawing, as hesitant as you were, you trusted her with all your insecurities. She never showed you the drawing though, not until you came across it yourself. She portrayed your body lovingly, the curves of your skin rolled naturally, your stretch marks defining the growth you've gone through, your scars drawn fluidly. Did she really picture you like this? Did she really think you were this worth drawing for? Your heart felt warm, knowing this was how she thought of you.

The other drawings were full of you doing activities, playing with a stray cat that lingered your farm for a few months, watering the plants, petting the sheep, dancing with music, and laying on the grass. Every moment you could picture with her was sketched right in front of you.

Along the pages, there were separate sections that divided different things about your bpd.

What makes it worse

Being too touchy when she's irritated

The smell of cinnamon (oddly specific)

The pink pills

When a straight answer isn't given

What helps

Occasional weed usage (don't overuse !!)

Baths (most of the time)

The texture of her favorite sweater ( W symbol)

Treating her gentle (not too gentle)

Things to mention (that might help)

The new pill

Herbs for sleeping tea

New hobbies

Music record I found

Chore separation (on a normal day)

E- Herding sheep, hunting, fetching supplies, organizing imports

R- washing clothes, watering plants, hunting, feeding sheep

Both- Making food, cleaning, looking out for infected

surprise plans

Candlelit picnic dinner while watching meteor shower (Wednesday)

sensual massage ;)

bath with the relaxant oils I found

dancing to the record she liked but we broke (found another)

giving her the ring

[crescent-the-lazy-wolfbones]

Fandom Sona-Design Sharing time! BATIM/BATDR Up first!

Sharing some older works, this one in particular is Still my main sona however it's his BATIM form! yes this is technically a reference. no please dont trace it and claim it as your own. im still proud of it. Fanart is welcome as long as you credit me and tag me with it, I'll be happy to reblog fanart of my boi.

Basically the big bad wolf but ink edition! his miniature story within the bendy universe goes as follows;

Crescent "The Big Bad Ink Wolf" Was drawn by Henry Stein as a Halloween Special antagonist for the Halloween marathon that Joey Drew Studios ran from October to the last day of November! in the various halloween based episodes, Starting with the premier of 'Big Bad Wolf'.

[Flat colors/without messier detail underneath]

In these Episodes The Big Bad Ink Wolf would basically 'terrorize' the little devil, scaring him at every turn with cheap jumpscares and pranking cruel pranks on him or his friends that would result in cartoonish pain. however, throughout the episodes, this would soon become a back and forth thing and thus creating a lighthearted 'frenemy' bond with the devil. the final episode was meant to be them making up and promising to actually spend the next halloween being new friends than frenemies, but angry parents made various calls to the studio during the airing of various episodes because this is when the sound design team used legitament sounds of wolves which.. definitely horrified the younger kids of the audience thus leading to the angry parents. they also claimed the cruelty-to-friends idea was a bad ideology to teach to young kids and thus the Halloween special was discontinued halfway through.

Crescent would thrive in a deeper part of the studio that he's made his own territory and would thus be similar in essence to the Ink Demon, retaining his 'Big bad wolf' image in the form of being a soulless ink-wolf with demonic ideologies.

there is much much much much much more to it but then that'd stray more into the personal au I made for this with my beloved boyfriend and this is just really to share some older art I have from my personal art gallery.

This next one is basically Still Crescent, however- in Bendy and the dark revival! Wilson turns the big bad ink wolf into a Frankenstein-like being that is weakened by the colored electric collar that uses the same electricity to condense the Ink demon into his Toon form.

Again I have alot more on Crescent's place in the Batim/Batdr universe but it really touches into personal aus and idk if you guys would be interested in anything like that soooo yeah. fun show and tell lol. again, please dont repost, trace, or steal my art- that goes for basically any of my original drawings of course.

[nightfuryblue19]

okay i wanna talk about fourlear now that ive named it. i dont think i have...maybe briefly

fourlear is the name of the biggest holiday on overmorrow. i explained alot of this in the solaria explaining post that im making but i think ill just remove that all and link this post in that..anyway

lots of text below so im putting it under a cut!!!

it starts on june 18, meant to end on the longest day of the year, june 21! this means that the second day of fourlear is on my birthday :3 this was completely unintentional and im still really happy about how that turned out lol

i dont feel like explaining the 4 angel dragons things for the thousandth time, theyll get a more in depth explanation in the solaria post, anyway, each day is dedicated to one of the dragons

all of fourlear is dedicated to being together, throughout all the days. sometimes most of the town or something comes together and people will camp to celebrate all four days together, but sometimes its just family at home. though on the last day is the day most people come out together to where their town is celebrating fourlear, usually in an open big field where people can settle down and camp for the first 3 days

i dont think i ever wrote dwon which day was on what, so im just gonna make it up here/try to remember the best i can lmao just to be clear im imagining all these activities they do on each day is in the place where people gather, like the field i mentioned!! but some things are also celebrated at home with family as well. i already said that too but thats okay. LOL

the first day is dedicated to art/creativity, which i remember being a bit stuck on. theres probbly really great ideas for this right under my nose that im not thinking of.. of course theres lots of..art making and sharing lol. aaalll forms of art

the second day i think was nature, which of course was dedicated to caring for their earth and sharing lots of food, i imagine people will set up temporary little shops where people gather most and people will sell plants and stuff too. obviously overmorrow isnt comleteply free from pollution, so this day focuses on that alot too. i think overmorrow's pollution is pretty under control though!!

the third day is dedicated to love, where people give gifts to their loved ones like christmas, and just spend time together, or meet new people if theyre not at home and camping for fourlear

the fourth day is dedicated to magic, and right where mainly everythign takes place where everyone was gathered up for the first 3 days. where everyone basically just comes together, celebrating their pure angel/the dragons, how much they love their planet and their loved ones. theres alot more to show off here, where the other days were more chill and stuff if that makes sense? lots of big eventful shows and music and stuff to look at and things. and alot of magic spell shows ofc lol, theres also fireworks at night and people stay up all throughout the night on the fourth day partying and making friends and eating and loving eachother

i always imagined, you can probabaly gues, that fourlear is HUGE to all of overmorrow. its celebrated worldwide, and i imagine its like christmas where people dont stop talking about it the moment its comiing up lmao "WHY ARE YOU PLAYING FOURLEAR MUSIC NOW?!?!?! ITS STILL MAY!!" i have no idea what fourlear music would sound like but i like this thought alot

i havent reallyl thoght of hhow people decorate for it and stuff. i imagine theres a lot of green/pink/blue/purple/white like the overmorrow flag in it

i think i need to flesh it out a bit more, especially on what activities people get up to in each day, but thats the basic idea haha i really want to draw my ocs celebrating fourlear someday. i might try to do that soon?yeeeeees. it owuld make more sense to draw fourlear art DURING fourlear but im too impatient for that..maybe..

[trashbins-stuff]

my 2024 art summary..

i was suppsoed to do it earlier today but i forgor and i dont ave my fone rn so i downloaded my art from toyhouse and edit them in whitebaord fox lolzz

me talking abt myart and why i chose these piece specifically vvv

january: okay i actuakly drew the piece/upload it on the VERY FIRST DAY OF 2024 aka 1/1, i..dont evne owed the ocs anymore </3 #regrettbh bakc then i stiluse one of my favourtie ibis defualt brush that i ALWAYS uses bc i didnt know alot abt other brushes back then, i honestly kinda proud of this one bc it was a scene art and i was ahving fun abck the, this piece was me trying to imitate the hfjone art style

february: i rlly like pink lols...i rlly love this oc heosntly lowkey kidna regreted not keeping him, i chose this because comapring to the january one it has more to it, this was me experimenting with stuff such as background, 2 lines on their limbs to indicate paws, i wasnt a pro persay bt i was trying and it was amazing! the effort and stuff :)

march: i got into oc trading and stuff bc my bf sprout introduced me to it, tand i always make sure i draw every oc i get form toehr ppl at least once like it was on top of my priorities, i rlly love this oc and sprout did too,i let him offer and it have been a while...shes been in my pending folder for 9 months what @moonsprout-sys KRKRKKRKR hurry your ass up/silly, anywya i picked this bc i started to draw more complex oc from the on it was like a trebuche that shoot me two complex ocs department

april: unlike the other three, this one is drew on a different brush (and unlike the other two, its GREEB), this was me experienmenting with brushes and other thing si could do with ym art! i rlly rlly love tht brush lol i use dit for almsot everyart, sorry fur da toyhouse watermakr btw oop, another thing u will notice abt is thai used the white line effect which is sooo cool yall

may: i picked this to show yall how abd but also different how i coloured back then, i didnt rlly have a direciton i just pick a colour and select random shade, like how most of the oc is in different shade of greeb wit some blue and purple, cuz my thought wa slike oooh greeeb ooohhh simialr to blue ooohh similar to ourple, like even the glove is jsut black blue lmaooo

june: diversityy, i sitll have no idea abt anything abt colouring but yk, i pciekd this bc it fits into the template

july: woahie JULY, OH-KAY, so i was kinda improving ont eh colouring here, like at least the greeb and black combo is okay, hot pink bc yes, orange bow, the rianbow woodnt look good on it own but it skind of fit with the shad eof the ronage bowm, my designing skill have improved too!! did u see what i did with the rianbow sock and tail>>?? cool right>?? well fang u :)))) i ver prou

august: aside form colouring i start toe xperiemient with LIGHTNING bc i LOVE LIGHTNING IN OTHE RPPL ART SM LIKE OMZ THATS SICK HOW DID U DO THAT and i started to look up totorutial! i was rlly proud of this peice abck then, its simple, but it was my first experienment and it was MINE that was ME like..I DREW THAT oughhh <3333

september: the abckgorund have return atfe rlike what...the past...seven months oop, as u can see..iveimporoved ;3333 the flower was kinda eh but i neevr got over how i made xer ear lokwye relaistic af..liek every else look like 2017 furry art/j but i totally nailed the ear

october: i rmemeber my qpp oscar said that this piece is rlly nice to loom at :DD i also used october to toy aorund with ym art style, expically the backgournd and such, i, too, am podu of this one

november: art for my friend lye! probably my best efforted peice of like the whole month, drew it while i was waiting for my friend yeon to finish praticing forour naitonal teachers day ceremony, it loo very ncie and cool and u should be proud of it

december: my friend tessa said this look like femtanyl and i forgor how tot ake ana ctaulyl compliment, why should i lower my standard why my friend could say tawesomthign slike this omfg best compliment ive ever received ever>??? love u tess :)