#i dont have a therapist btw
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"Don't make memes about your trauma" okay esther what are you my therapist?
#i dont have a therapist btw#esther and heart says i should get one#why tho esther will listen to me vent for like 3 hours straight#i know because its fucking happened before#rival silver#silver pokemon#pkmn irl#rotomblr#pokemon rp#ask blog#pokeblr#pokemon#pkmnirl#pokemon ask blog#meme#pokemon meme#celebi time travel event
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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therapy, huh
#phrygian#palisade#friends at the table#fatt#rosa art#palisade 20#the worksheet. is also phrygian to be clear like i have to believe that a twilight mirage trained therapist would give out better material#than something i made in 10 minutes.#the branched....... the branched. branched concept of mental health care? who even knows. but it also has to be better.#and they definitly dont have worksheets. phrygian can make a bad one & then not really fill it out. it makes sense to me#i relistened to the therapy session to get the. timeframes saffron mentioned right and its like.wow this got even more depressing#in retrospect.#i tried really hard to make the worksheet look worse by scanning & printing & scanning it again but we JUST got a new printer at work#alas. it works too well.#btw can you tell im having fun with screentones? because i am.#its a nice solution for 'i dont want this in monotone but i ALSO dont want to color'#id in alt text#i hope its fine.#palisade spoilers#but from like 4 episodes ago.im just careful.#i havent listened to the new ep yet idk if ill get to it tomorrow?#MAN............... phrygian : (
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i had a therapy session yesterday and the first thing my therapist did was point out how colorful my dhmis hoodie is and asked me to explain what it was from. i then spent 1 hour and 30 minutes (past my session time) explaining what dhmis is to her, all while she wrote down and googled everything i said. by the end she was absolutely speechless and was like “wow.. thats a lot..”
thats when i broke the news to her that i had only explained around 3 episodes at max
#we got another one boys#i might have to move therapists :(( but she said even if i do to update her on season 2!!#i mentioned fluffybird btw i wonder if she wrote that down#dhmis#dhmis fandom#fluffybird#dont hug me im scared#dont hug me im shit posting
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reigen would be so proud of older mob :,)
#they're out for ramen after work#i need to post my post canon designs......#i love grown mob ToT i like to imagine he'd be like a child psychologist or speech therapist or smth#but he and reigen meet up often still. reigen is v proud and v fond of all of his kids lol#and yes thats a wedding ring#serizawa is at home having catchup dinner with shou#had to look up what a ramen stand looks like but i think i got it accurate?#at least i hope so lol#didn't put any characters tho bc i didnt think i get them to look right esp when i dont know what they mean#mp100#reigen arataka#shigeo kageyama#serirei#mob psycho 100#not ship BTW. ill rip you to shreds
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Of all mythological characters, Thetis' grief resonates the most with me. The loss of her son is so final, more final than mortals losing each other- mortals might still meet each other in the land of the dead when all comes to pass. Somehow her sorrow feels the most like grieving a loved one who was of a different religion, you know what I mean? Like...we're not going to the same place! and I hope they've made peace with that before their time.
#i want Thetis to find peace in her eternal grief i really hope she can#not to sound too self important but i really dont want my absence in their eternal afterlife be an eternal bummer#i have no definitive world view btw. i jus think that everyone i love is right about where they're going after they die#absolutely insane that my therapist asks me “does it matter?” after i aired all this to her#Atheists dni if you're gonna be like that btw!#tw death mention#cw death#ali babble
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Ok so the person I had for my driving test was really nice, actually. I mentioned how I do have glasses but it's a light prescription so I might be able to do the sight test without them & I'd like to try. And he was chill with it, just said that whatever I did in the place I had to do during the test too. Which apparently I don't need 20/20, I just need at least one eye to pass it. So I did!!! My left eye definitely didn't see good enough lol but my right eye managed it. Which means I don't have a glasses restriction on my license. I just need to have mirrors on both sides, which pretty much all cars do these days.
So I drove without my glasses. It went fine! Just made me a little more nervous about reading speed limit signs, but I managed. I didn't even have to do parallel parking for it lol. He just had me drive thru some residential areas, thru a school zone, etc etc. I was very careful to not speed at All and to fully stop at every stop sign. Etc etc.
Got out of the car and he was like "now that we're out of the car, congratulations! You passed!!" And I was so keyed up on nerves that it didn't fully sink in immediately hdkshfks but it's sinking in I think
I passed my driving skills test!!! I have my license!!!!! Smth I've been so nervous about for TEN. YEARS. I finally did it!!!! And then I'll get my own car, and I'll be much more independent, and I can DO THINGS....!!!! Like go to the mall on a whim!!!!! Exciting!!!!!
#speculation nation#need my therapist to sort out her stuff so we can have sessions again so i can tell her!!!!!#she'll be so excited to hear ive gotten my license hfkshfk bc i sure am too#i have. turtle decal stickers. for my car. i got them some months back in the hopes of getting my license before too long.#im not gonna go over the top with stickers bc i dont wanna put a spotlight on myself.#but... a few cute turles in unobstructive spots of my windows.... yes 🥺🥺🥺🥺#hope i can find a nice car color. not white. dont want white. but maybe black or grey or smth#dont rly want red or a dark blue. but i mean if it's otherwise the perfect car maybe i'd get that#and then maybe get it painted?? idk. still dont want anything too loud. but also. it'll be my Baby...!!!!!!!#im going to be one of those ppl who loves their car way too much#i cant help it. i have longed for her for so long... and she is almost within my grasp...#ABSOLUTELY gonna name her btw. i'll come up with something good. guaranteed.
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finished first 25 chapters aka the 1st volume so heres a tiny collection of artwork i actually liked
#og post#liveposting#its fucking boring btw#i dont think you couldve modernized the gods in a more boring way#“i have to go see my therapist” as if hades would have a therapist get fucking real
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i mean i try my best to stay quiet i REALLY do but it blows my mind to see how people's been treating him lately. like srsly i think the internet is sooooo chronically online and interactions mean just so much to everyone that people just completely forgot he is a human being and no matter how famous he is he still deserves privacy and there are some boundaries it's up to us (his fans) not to cross. it's not just because it's "out there" that we HAVE to engage with it.
like when he's just living his life and riding a bike and people think is okay to zoom on his thigh just to try to figure out if he's got a new tattoo or what does it say or whatever. like.... it is his body!! so how are we not drawing a line there? how are we not waiting until he goes on tour or releases something and just decides to share things with us? how are we not wondering if it's actually okay to crop and zoom and make collages or edits or whatever of pictures of someone thats simply living his life? like i cant imagine wearing shorts and walking down the streets and having people doing that to me... so why would it be okay to do it with someone else? also how are we not questioning if it actually isn't invasive to meet someone on the street and asking for a picture and when they say no we proceed to SECRETLY record ANYWAY and then post it online? how are we encouraging this behavior of meeting him and pretending you're just having a conversation but you're actually filming him and later releasing it for the entire internet to see it? he can't walk down the street or be with his friends or enjoy a festival or travel or whatever without having people documenting every single one of his steps even though he isn't okay with it and he isn't agreeing with it and i just cant understand how everyone is okay with it. i just cant.
#idk if maybe im sooo aware of this bc im a therapist and protecting people's privacy is one of my top priorities all the time?#or because i work with children and teenagers so consent is twice as needed?#i really dont know#but lately it feels like it just became tooooo much#and everyone is just okay with it bc ig that having creepy and invasive content is better than not having content at all?#(btw when i say everyone of course it's not literal i know it's not everyone i know i know)
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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Oh thank God
They all went to therapy
#looks like yuu doesnt have to be the burnt out therapist anymore!!!#now they can just focus on being violent enough to stop the overblots!!#which btw i dont think is explored enough in fics#at this point yuu has survived 5 overblots#and presumably has done some damage to the overblotter in doing so#youd think the characters both in fics and the actual game would treat yuu differently in respect for this#i may be misremembering but i dont even think yuu has ever tried to get someone out of ob on their own accord#other characters always did the whole calming down thing#twst#twisted wonderland#book 6 spoilers#chapter 6 spoilers#spoilers#twst spoilers#twisted wonderland spoilers
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My beloved dog ate a couple fallen puzzle pieces. Replacements and repairs <3
[image id: a series of photos of a winter scene puzzle. The first photo shows two blank puzzle pieces painted white. The last four photos show both of these pieces put into the puzzle, first unpainted, then painted to make it look like there's no piece missing. End id]
#art#my art#traditional art#lemon yemon#i know in the photo of the first puzzle piece its super obvious but irl the color matching is SO close#while i was painting i kept losing track of which one i was working on#verrry proud of it :)#the second one. well. its decent#took fucking hours to carve these though#very happy with how well they fit in the puzzle :)#anyways. my wrists hurt now im going to watch some videos and do stretches#oh btw i dont think ive mentioned it here yet. once again falling into the stereotypical artist and am having wrist problems :')#asked the physical therapist ''am i failing the test?'' he said ''yes but i dont know which way youre failing''
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if my irls text me abt the election one more time we're not friends anymore
#'im so scared girl' shut the fuck up. shut the fuck up. stop coming to me out of nowhere with this. call a therapist. this is not my fucking#problem. I do not need you to pollute me with your fucking worries. I have enough on my own.#everyone is going to be so fucking annoying to talk to on campus for the next week . and while I know that is so not the problem . I dont#want to kill myself and if these cunts dont SHUT UP we are going to dangerously veer towards that path#LEAVE ME ALONE!! IM NOT YOUR DIARY!!#this isn't abt posting on here btw literally all of my online friends have been so normals#vent
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I was abt to say smth about people who get badly injured and their first instinct is "take picture this looks cool" but that's literally what my cousin did when his eye had a piece of metal pulled out of it 🧝🏻♂️
#I dont plan on bringing up much else to my therapist before I stop seeing him#but I might actually talk abt that day with him bc that was. horrifying and maybe a bit traumatic to see#hes fine now btw he just doesn't have that eye anymore
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its me and my inability to compromise against the world
#i hate it when plans are changed i fucking hate it so much#i desperately need to rant about this im having an awful time ..Augh#my dad lost his job and is selling his house. we have at MOST 3 weeks to get out of here#so wrre moving to the house next to my moms. my grandpa owned b4 he died. HOWEVER#i hate that house its dirty as hell. i cant live with my mom theres barely 2 rooms there and i currently sleep on a couch in the living roo#there are 3(?) bedrooms where my dad is moving and they are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than. literally everything#so well have. not a lot of space. not to mention that all the rooms are shaped so fucking weird. shitty old house bonus#literally everything has the fucking landlord special cause my mom used to rent it except all of the tennants were jerks#so the house has A Vibe. /neg. and its a weird combo of dustu and sticky#Im getting off topic.#i was allowed to choose my room a while back and we all agreed on everything and made plans and thought everything was set in stone#the room i was supposed to get is small asf and has slanted walls. (attic room ig) but it was fine#but my mom was like noo! actually! your older brother is getting that room! we never agreed on anything!!#whicj is AWFUL#i HATE CHANGE#AND. i wish you could see the room im supposed to have now but im at My dad's rn#its so fucking small. the water heater is in there. there's a low hanging fucking duct pipe or whatever right by the door#its pink#it smells like shit#ots right next to the washer and dryer.#there is no light. i hate it so much#ITS SMALL. AND JUST FUCKING SUCKS#i might sound like a dick but everything is so stressful rn i dont want to move school starts in 2 weeks i dont know my schedule i don't#have anyone to talk to. we're all fucking broke as hell and my mom refuses to help my dad because. i dont even know why#sorry. btw#i need someone to talk to so bad#they won't get me a therapist because 1 its not covered by insurance and 2 my dad lost his job and said insurance#i can't get a job because i can't drive and am so mentally fucked up and its so hard for me to do literally anything#i cry at the most insignificant situations and im always on the verge of tears#i get overstimulated so easy i can't fucking do this
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