#i dont even want to go in for work or exist socially

[swampythesweetsketch]

For context.

I'm 25 now.

I had plans to do things for a week. My birthday day was Monday.

The week was supposed to also double as a mental health week.

Because last year for my 24th, my mom "kidnapped" me and took me to a city I didn't want to be in just so we can see Weird Al live.

I love Weird Al. I cannot handle concerts.

I had issues with my body as well, even before being dragged into a people-heavy area.

Funny enough, the big rule for the concert was to be clear of covid.

I caught Covid and lost almost a month of work. During my time quarantined, I was miserable and was becoming heavily depressed. When I was cleared and could go back to work, I promised myself that I wouldn't let a repeat happen.

Well it wasn't a repeat this year. But it's been awful.

I don't care if I sound like a ass. I'm tired. It's Wednesday.

I was supposed to have fun on Monday, I worked all day instead and came home to my mom trying to kiss my butt and convince me to order pizza cause she wanted pizza. Instead, she made porkchops and I had none cause my lunch was interrupted so many times while working, and I lost my appetite at the end of the day.

Tuesday I wanted to go to a farmers market in town, and even without telling my family, my mom took my dad out for an appointment. Okay.

And today I'm back at work.

Then she came back and left for a town visit. Then came back and left for... ???. Then again. And again. By the time they got back, the farmer's market would end in a half hour, it'd take me a half hour to get there. I gave up and tried being nice to myself and did some work around my room and felt empty.

Reason they kept leaving?

"Oh, Swampy can watch the puppy while we go."

I was supposed to be able to look at some coworkers to cover my shifts for a couple days. I don't work a normal retail job. I work for the elderly and clean/cook for them.

I'm tired. I'm so tired.

I'm already halfway through my shift with my first client. They let me go when I finish everything. And I'll have to go to another client in a while and stay until 5 cause they want me to stay until their other workers confirms they're actually coming to help them. And they've had so many people drop them. It's only me and maybe 1-2 other people helping them.

On top of today, one of my appointments got canceled.

Would I really be in the wrong at this point to disappear for a day?

I've been doing this job since the pandemic started and haven't stopped. My last birthday wasn't what I wanted to do, it's what my mom wanted. And I hated the aftermath of that mess.

Is it normal to want to cry on/around your birthday?

[sucktacular]

I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[bunnyboy-juice]

;~; (tags vent)

[the-trans-dragon]

What if they didn't put ads every 3 posts. Three posts between ads, literally. Not even counting the ad for Tumblr Live.

Also what if tumblr didn't know what city Im in. I do not want my location tracked or stored anywhere unless I give explicit ongoing permission, like with my GPS app that I allow to track me only when the app is open, and then it deletes the data (allegedly) when I stop giving permission.

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Good evening, fellow adhd-haver here! there's... a lot of shoulds and should nots and ideas in here that dont align with your actual reality really, and just because your ideas and notions around what you want your life to look like and what you want to be doing and what you want to enjoy (or dont) come from yourself, supposedly, rather than societal frameworks around "what is the correct way to live", doesn't make your mental structure and your internal emotional landscape any less ineffective or sabotaging to you.

What you wrote has an undercurrent of frustration and hurt and it really doesn't matter whether you chose your ideas yourself or if they're social hand-downs; the things is, your mentality simply isn't lining up with your limitations and capabilities at the moment and you dont have effective methods in place yet to harness your specific strengths and weaknesses, so you just feel awful about it, which is okay. But it's not necessarily how you have to go about it.

My dishes pile up and i sometimes get moldy pans in the fridge for months on end that i forget about, and i have a hard time focusing on many things i love sometimes, and it does bring up a lot of sadness for me, but i dont see ADHD as an illness or a deficiency, it is a different set of gifts, gifts that society at large isn't generally structured to accomodate or make good use of. But they're gifts nonetheless, just misplaced. If you bring a $20k handmade japanese kitchen knife to a mechanic's shop it's gonna feel like an absolutely incoherent and useless and possibly frustrating addition to the space because the tool is not suited to the tasks and skills carried out in there and it can even get in the way and become troublesome, the japanese knife doesn't belong here. That doesn't make it any less valuable and worthy a tool, it just means it's brought to the wrong context.

I dont feel guilt or shame about my dishes piling up and i dont feel bad about the dust on my desk or the fact that i can't focus on my favourite stuff, even though i want to, because i know that while i might feel shitty about these things sometimes, i also have gifts that fit perfectly in their right contexts and i can enjoy them there, and the frustration means i gotta switch, even if it's just for 10 minutes. Bring the japanese kitchen knife to kitchen and you feel fucking good about how well it works and how much it makes cooking easier and more efficient and how much the whole endeavor brings you joy.

It's absolutely alright if you havent found a kitchen where your knife fits yet, it takes time, and you need contexts where the knife fits. It makes the sadness you experience over not being able to attend to your other wants and shoulds and should nots easier. And yep, there's sadness and anger and grief in it. But that doesn't mean that all you have is an illness or deficiency. You're not a problem, you're severely misplaced in your environment, and it brings up so much frustration and it's okay to feel sad about it. Keep what you want to do, but you can also find where your gifs do belong and enjoy applying them there. It's not a this OR that situation, it's this AND that. You're gonna feel bad about sometimes not being able to focus on stuff you love, AND you're gonna apply your strengths in other situations where they're needed and appreciated and where it brings you joy.

I don't strictly "like" taking ADHD meds, the comedown is awful and they play havoc on my appetite. But I kinda need them. I write software for a living. Software requires a great deal of focus that I simply cannot muster up off my meds. If I didn't have my meds, I would lose my job.

Part of this can be blamed on the cruelties of our modern capitalistic system. If the world understood my condition better, maybe I would not need to take stimulants to survive. I read an article once that really went all in on the idea that ADHD's negative perception is a symptom of perception, not an objective truth. Maybe people with ADHD are just as capable, but they do things in a different way to neurotypicals. Maybe all we need is better support, and social solutions, and more understanding of the different way that ADHDers think.

Which is all very compelling. Except.

I often find myself procrastinating activities that I want to do. My apartment has been accumulating dust because I keep forgetting to vacuum. One time I let the dishes in my sink stack too high and it was months before I could get myself to clean the mould off them. The demands of capitalism mean I need to software to pay rent, but sometimes I just want to do software, and no amount of narrative reframing or social support will clear the noise in my head long enough to let me focus on the code.

The notion that ADHD isn't a deficiency, just a different way of thinking, is something I find condescending. The implication here is I shouldn't have to write software, I should be given a different job, and I shouldn't have to maintain my own apartment, I should have the support of my community coming into my room and cleaning my things. But what if I want to do those things? What if I like software, or the privacy of an atomised existence? Maybe society has no right to decide what the correct way to live my life is, but surely I do!

The reason it sucks that it's hard for me to keep my dishes clean is not because the world says so, it is because I say so. It is because sometimes I want to be able to remember to do things and it sucks that I cannot live my life in the way that I want.

[nomairuins]

whining hours . sry

[phagodyke]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[fortunately-bi]

God after that rant in the tags I really do miss old Tumblr. Like not just for the nsfw stuff but also like, I miss all of the people I used to follow who disappeared and I never found. I miss the stuff I can't find anymore because it got unfairly nuked during the ban, I miss not having ads, I miss not having weird layouts and random blogs pushed on me and Tumblr live giving me heart attacks every time I think I accidentally clicked one. Like for a long while this site was just left alone with the occasional update and different color of blue and we all just kinda existed(at least that's how my dash looked). Tumblr feels like walking into a house I used to live in but now someone else lives there and they painted the walls a different color they changed a bunch of things. Like it's still the same layout, there's still things that pop up sometimes that poke at the nostalgia but it just feels weird.

[slttygeto]

HEART TO HEART : GOJO SATORU

what is heart to heart? a show in which we bring two people who have history together to ask them a couple of interesting, heartbreaking questions.

today's episode: 27 year old Gojo Satoru broke up with his girlfriend 4 years ago, yet he cannot move on. does she feel the same? and does a person really not move on even after four years?

note: i started this…without a second thought. i dont know where its going or if its gonna do well. but i enjoyed it very much

a cold room, a white set, two chairs and a table—satoru gojo knew that the point of this very simple and minimalistic set was to make him feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but a tiny vase would’ve been appreciated.

“why did you two break up?”

the ivory haired man leans back in his chair with a dry chuckle, fingers drumming along the surface of the wooden table.

“I was insecure,” he admits rather bitterly. “I just had a lot of things to work on, and letting go of her seemed like the right thing to do.”

“do you miss her?”

“oh, absolutely,” there’s a smile on his face when he says that, and sits up straight with his hands clasped together (an indicator that he was most likely anxious to be asked such vulnerable question). he goes on to squeeze his hands a bit and his lips are sealed shut for a bit before opening them again. “I thought to myself that I wouldn’t find love for a while after her—but it’s been four years, and I cannot get myself to move on.”

“has she moved on?”

“maybe? I’m not sure,” he lets out a nervous laugh and looks away from the camera before holding his head in his hands, there was a mental battle going on inside his head—before he finally decides to speak again. “I actually stalked her instagram account last week through a mutual friend and… I didn’t see a man on any of the pictures. she could just be super private.”

“was she private about being with you?”

“she would post pictures here and there, we didn’t like to keep our relationship a secret.”

gojo is handed a blindfold and he neatly wraps it around his eyes and waits, heart thumping loudly in his chest.

when you were asked by a friend if you would do this interview, a part of you was a bit hesitant just because you weren’t sure if you wanted to air out your love life like this and have to deal with the consequences of a potential future lover being upset about it—but when you were told that it was gojo satoru, your ex-boyfriend whom you dated for 3 years and were planning on building a future with—that is until it abruptly ended with no warnings whatsoever. perhaps you ignored the tornado warnings? were there even any to begin with? you will never know because you blocked him everywhere on social media. from instagram to his phone number. you couldn’t deal with the fact that he existed around you, near you yet you couldn’t have him.

four long years of not having seen him took a toll on your heart, as it sure gets excited the moment you spot white strands on top of a head that is laid out on the table. his sense of style is still so casual and laid back, but not in a cocky way. satoru has always been about feeling comfortable in your clothes but you notice his tense shoulders and his foot tapping and can immediately tell that he is anxious.

you silently pull the chair back facing him and he lifts his head off of the table. your hands rest on top of the surface and the producer finally asks gojo to take off the blindfold.

when he does and you two lock eyes, you both start smiling big but you can’t help the little tremble to your lips before you look away from the camera to wipe a few emotional tears.

“sorry,” you whisper but your mic was able to pick it up. almost on instinct, satoru reaches towards you and squeezes your arm reassuringly.

“when was the last time you spoke to one another?”

“four years ago.” you are the one to answer the questions now and you keep avoiding satoru’s big blue eyes.

“was it hard having to walk away from a long term relationship?”

“It’s always hard when you thought there was a connection,” your emphasis on the word “thought” makes gojo look down at his lap almost in shame. he had no time to explain himself or what he did, yet he couldn’t help but feel that this interview was going to be like a second chance to explain himself and perhaps give a proper apology.

“you had no closure?”

“nope.” you both answer at the same time and it feels as though feelings of resentment are starting to resurface as your demeanor grows cold around him and you pull your hands away from the table.

“why do you think you broke up?”

“you said you couldn’t really see us together anymore,” you were now speaking to satoru directly and he gladly took the heat of your words. “you said…that us being together was just a waste of time and that one of us has to walk away,” you were clearly hurt by his words, even four years later. the breakup took a toll on you both physically and emotionally. you were incapable of going on dates for a painfully long period of time that your friends had to drag you outside to meet some potential new partners—but none of them felt like satoru. you resented him for crawling into your heart and finding a safe space there, for settling down and building a warm house inside only to tear it down and leave as quickly as he came.

“I wasn’t… sure what I wanted to do at the time, I was confused about my future,” satoru admits for the first time ever. “I thought it was so unfair to drag you down that hole with me when it was so clear to you that you had a plan in mind—a secure one so I just-“

“left.” you finish the sentence for him and he lets out a pained laugh.

“yeah, I left. and when I realized that you had blocked me, I knew that there was no going back and that I actually did it. yknow, like, it wasn’t this bad dream where I would wake up and you were still beside me—you were actually gone, I made you leave.”

there was a long silence after this and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, not after that confession.

“did you miss me?” gojo takes the initiative to ask this question instead of the producer but they don’t complain, watching carefully as you look back at your ex partner.

“I did,” you say again in a whisper, almost scared that you coming to terms with this horrible realization was going to hurt you further.

“do you think that…we could’ve worked out had I been honest at the time?”

“satoru, I would’ve never left you as easily as you did,” you knew that it wasn’t easy for him, but you want him to know that your love for him was bigger than he ever thought.

“would you like to try again?”

you two stare at each other for a bit and you sneak your hand towards his huge palm, resting your index finger there and tracing soft circles.

“yeah… I want to. do you?” you look up at him through your eyelashes and gojo’s heart feels as though it is about to burst.

“I would love to.”

2023: all works belong to @ slttygeto. do not repost my works on any other platofrm.

—💭 if you like this, leave me a tip!

[exitwound]

the “demure” thing is a fat Latina trans woman being ironic about wearing a full beat to work it’s not that serious I promise you….

i know who jools lebron is and i dont have any problem w her original video i know its ironic .. Im just annoyed by the way other people are using her audio... Ive seen so many reels just being unironic or weird about it like thats straight up a step backwards for women babes... its not that serious and i adore the ever evolving language of the internet. but the demure and mindful thing specifically is part of a trend of people using irony to critique the dominant culture and it going viral and being re-used by that very dominant culture but stripped of its irony. another example rn of that rn is hozier's "too-sweet" and the overall depoliticization of his music through his popularity... not to mention trends that were never critiques in the first place... girl dinner... im just a girl... clean girl.. ykwim. and im like barely online tumblr is my main social media this is just what I pick up from the noise.. ..I would maybe guess that the current obsession with girlhood is in part people directly participating and trying to take for themselves an obsession with (an objectified) femininity that has always existed in this culture--its often this very subtle trendy twitter-esque kind of post-irony or post-post-irony or whatever you want to call the ambivalence there, and it makes a lot of sense to me... the use of maximalist and hard to make sense of language to make sense out of a world that is ever more defined by an equally hard to make sense of and almost absurdist overconsumption... even though it often goes sour. Im not saying its the end of the world or anything but I just dont like the vibes of how popular it got especially because it just feels like part of a larger pattern of similar things

Like. its annoying

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙ur my northern star | CL16˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: charles leclerc x singer y/n reader (she/her)

genre: social media au, established relationship, relationship on the rocks

warnings: fluff!! mention of violence aka punching �� thts all. this is part 2 of coz i cant sleep in hotel rooms <3

summary: in which they do all they can to try to mend the broken parts in their relationship

a/n: did anyone even ask for a part 2 be real but i couldn't leave it like i did so i hope u like it regardless 😭 sorry to lando norris for making him my enemy but also am i sorry

song

fc: holly humberstone

my masterlist

part 1!!!

instagram ->

f1updates

liked by ynupdates, user1, and 2,046 others

f1updates charles leclerc spotted out recently with friends following crash in the monaco grand prix and his alleged breakup with y/n y/l/n.

tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 739 comments

user1 i miss y/n

user2 why are we in charlesy/n limbo rn

user3 fr i jus need to know what's going on

user4 he's better without her imo

charles_leclerc posted a story

liked by pierregasly, lilymhe, and 21,046 others

lilymhe sending u all my love

charles_leclerc thank you lily

lilymhe have you spoken to y/n?

charles_leclerc i will see her when im back in monaco, i believe she is waiting for me before returning to the uk

lilymhe ❤️❤️

yourusername

liked by landonorris, arthur_leclerc, and 47,024 others

yourusername so dont drive away .. u dont know how much i need u

view all 2,839 comments

landonorris meow

yourusername strange boy

landonorris :)

user5 he is never beating the norizz accusations

user6 i miss u y/n

yourusername miss you all, working on some stuff :)

user7 😭 i jus know that any new y/n music is going to break my heart

arthur_leclerc maman asked are you coming to dinner tonight

yourusername well of course

user8 OH???

user9 charles probably isnt there isnt he in paris this weekend with pierre??

user10 THE CAPTION??!

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, and 428,020 others

charles_leclerc 🇫🇷🥖🥐☕️❤️

view all 5,934 comments

user11 so nice to see charles doing well 🥹

pierregasly eiffel for u

charles_leclerc nice one

user12 we miss you charles ❤️

user13 i need him & y/n back together 😭

user14 leave him alone on his own post fr

user13 doubt he's reading all the comments 👍

f1wagupdates

liked by landonorris, user11, and 1,034 others

f1wagupdates lando norris and y/n y/l/n seen out together in monaco today following y/n's breakup rumours from charles leclerc.

tagged: landonorris, yourusername

view all 658 comments

user14 grid bunnyy

user15 can a girl not have friends now

user16 scummy after leaving the paddock after charles' crash

pierregasly no way lol

user17 pierre??

user18 pierre's comment lolll everyone knows lando has been thirsting for y/n since before her & charles got together

user19 embarrassing like she does not want you bro

landonorris

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, and 398,727 others

landonorris celebrating for celebrating's sake

tagged: yourusername

view all 4,020 comments

user18 urmm?

yourusername such a fun night out i rly needed some fun with friends <3!!

liked by charles_leclerc

pierregasly hahah delete this.

arthur_leclerc for real

landonorris ?

yourusername private texts exist

pierregasly sorry y/n/n

user19 omg

user20 are they all arguing or is it a joke hahah

post deleted by landonorris

twitter ->

messages ->

instagram ->

f1wagupdates

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, and 5,045 others

f1wagupdates charles leclerc and y/n y/l/n seen tonight in monaco sharing a tender embrace outside a restaurant following a meal together. sources say it seemed like an emotional conversation and are not sure of the outcome. we are sending all of our love to charles and y/n at this time!

tagged: charles_leclerc, yourusername

view all 2,894 comments

user28 OH MY GOD MY PARENTS

user29 omg i feel so awful for them going thru whatever this is in the public eye��

user30 my poor y/n/n

user31 she's been fine frolicking with lando lol

user32 i think if charles is ok with her then nothing happened lol.

user33 my favourite f1 couple of all time

user34 she's the best wag fr

twitter ->

messages ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

f1wagupdates

liked by lilymhe, pierregasly, and 8,035 others

f1wagupdates sources claim they caught charles leclerc and y/n y/l/n out in monaco tonight kissing! alleged rumours due to images not being clear enough to prove identities but we have our fingers crossed for the couple

tagged: charles_leclerc, yourusername

view all 2,594 comments

user42 omg i hope this is real

user43 my babies🥹🥹🥹

user44 my parents🥹🥹🥹

user45 hope this is fake lol im tired of her

user46 lol why?? she hasnt even done anything

user47 she cheated on charles

user48 SINCE WHEN???

user49 some of u need to keep y/n's name out ur mouth

yourusername

liked by yourbff, pierregasly, and 44,034 others

yourusername my lifelines .. london is lonely so lonely without uuu

tagged: yourbff, lilymhe

view all 2,473 comments

user50 i thought she was in monaco

user51 i think she is it's jus a reference to one of her songs

yourbff i love you & i am so proud of u

yourusername thank u my sweet girl!

lilymhe u own my heart

yourusername and im never giving it back

user52 i love y/n & lily's friendship ❤️

user53 the best f1 wags of all time

user54 omg she's just a girl like us guys

user55 no fr she is so cottagecore cosy girl

twitter ->

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, lilymhe, and 4,935 others

yourbff i love you

yourusername i love you more

lilymhe I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYS

yourusername me too come over ASAP

lilymhe posted a story

liked by yourusername, yourbff, and 8,304 others

yourbff posted a story

liked by yourusername, lilymhe, and 827 others

charles_leclerc posted a story

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, and 78,903 others

yourusername ❤️

landonorris can we talk soon?

charles_leclerc fuck off lando you've done enough

messages ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

lilymhe

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, and 98,934 others

lilymhe beautiful night for a beautiful girl

tagged: yourbff, charles_leclerc, yourusername

view all 5,294 comments

user59 WTF CHARLES AND Y/N KISSING

charles_leclerc thanks lily

yourusername i giggled

lilymhe (re-)hard launching you guys cause u wont do it urselves

user60 omg my parents made it

user61 the way i love these ppl LOL

user62 my parasocial relationship with someone else's relationship is insane

alex_albon beautiful is one word for it

yourbff for the record i do not feel beautiful today

alex_albon you dont look it either

lilymhe take that back you evil boy

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 87,483 others

yourusername my new song "into your room" is out now & available on all streaming platforms! this is the second single from my upcoming debut album thank u so much for all of the support i couldn't do any of this without u all ! live show announcements next i think?;)

view all 6,825 comments

user67 OMG AN ALBUM

lilymhe SO proud of u cant wait till i can watch u live on ur own tour🥹

liked by yourusername

user68 so glad i discovered u y/n ur so talented

user69 LIVE SHOWS PLZ PLZ❤️

user70 i will follow u ur my northern star😭

user71 throwing stones at ur window to get u to notice me😭

charles_leclerc ❤️

liked by yourusername

user72 without u my soul is eternally doomed ur the centre of this universe my sorry ass revolves around you😭

user73 the way charlesy/n gave us the best songs

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, and 240,024 others

charles_leclerc the rumours are not true

view all 87,994 comments

yourusername i love you

charles_leclerc i love you and that's the only rumour that will ever be true

user74 MY PARENTS ARE BACK FOR GOOD

user75 never been so happy in my life

pierregasly thank god

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername

lilymhe i knew u guys would make it <3

landonorris happy for u both

*comment deleted by charles_leclerc*

THE END ❤️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for avoiding my husband on purpose, like, all the time? my husband (m36) and i (f34) have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in a few months). we have 3 kids (m10, f8, f1) and he works full time while i stay at home. even before we got married i didnt really have friends other than him, and i always had a hard time finding excuses to get out of the house. frequently, he gets to hang out with his buddies who he also works with, and ever since we had kids he's always going out and leaving me home alone even when hes not at work just to idk. hang out at bars and pretend we don't exist. well lately ive been making time for myself to go out when the kids are at school (my youngest is pretty well behaved so i just take her with me instead of paying a babysitter) and i had managed to get kinda friendly with some of the wives of my husbands coworkers (theyre all members of the same union, so we see each other at those functions every once in awhile). i thought it was all going well and i was having fun and enjoying getting to be social for once, but about 2 weeks ago, the whole family was invited out for lunch (a picnic type thing) with his buddies from work's families. all was going well and for the most part even the kids were having fun, but then my husband got absolutely fucking trashed for no reason. none of the other guys were acting like that, and we've had conversations about him not doing that sort of thing, but he NEVER listens. he's always acting like this, but usually i dont have to see when its in public. well he embarrassed me so fucking much. he was trying to start fights, messing up his clothes, and wouldn't listen to me at all. just in his own world as always. i should've known because its been a decade of this, but i could have sworn it wasn't this bad before. he wasn't like this when we dated you know? so we got home and i was just. grossed out and annoyed. i slept on the couch and pretty much ever since then, i haven't been talking to him. i got a text from one of the ladies saying that a wednesday hangout thing i had been invited to had been canceled, but i pretty much KNOW 100% that it wasn't, and that they just don't want to be associated with me now. the kids don't really seem bothered by the tension around the house (i think its sort of normal to them since hes frequently not around anyways). i wouldn't be near as annoyed if there wasn't a part of my brain telling me "he did it on purpose". i know that's just how he acts but i could SWEAR its almost like he just doesnt want me to have friends. he doesn't want to hear about it, he just wants me THERE at home, watching the kids and existing solely for his convenience. i used to consider divorce, before we had our youngest. but i haven't had a job since high school, and i couldnt put the burden of asking for help on my sisters. they hate him, but i couldnt ask them for that support. and i dont even know what the kids would think, i cant do that to them. but yesterday, my husband brought it up (cornered me in our room pretty much) and asked why i was ignoring him. what if he really didnt know why? i TOLD him, but its like he forgot or just expects me to be "over it" by now. all i wanted was just this one thing, to HAVE FRIENDS, have that time away from being just "mom" and do what i want. he gets to do that so why cant i? or AT LEAST he could put some more effort into being around and doing things as a family? but i still wonder if im being the asshole, for giving him the cold shoulder for this long. he didnt have a happy childhood or good examples for parents so maybe he just thinks this is normal? i never asked because i assumed he knew it wasn't. and he does seem like, disappointed that i wont come to bed. maybe ive been driving him off and that's why he doesnt like to come home? idk at this point, im at a loss. aita?

[critterbitter]

HELLO HI ID LIKE TO ASK WHAT PROGRAM AND BRUSHES YOU USE CUZ IM LITTERALY EXPLODING EVERYTIME I SEE YOUR ART

actually actually... *pulls out whole stack of paper*...I have. a FEW,, a good few,, questions to ask. they are not many I swear 😇

OK SO FIRST OF ALL HOW DO YOU DRAW SO FAST???? everyday I log onto Tumblr I always see something new from you and I get very very happy. But then I start to question my own existence because not even I CAN SPEED RUN ART LIKE THAT. AND SO SPECTACULARLY TOO

Last question! how do you color and make it look so well?? just. How. I need to know. This is a CRY FOR HE-

anyway thank you for being one of my favorite artists that always feed my brain rot, pls keep making amazing art because like a little yamper I will follow behind and stay updated.

(Stands there)

Response and thoughts under cut!

First question! What art program I use!

Mostly procreate, along with a handful of brushes! (Specifically the Jing Set and some custom stuff, which is really just a circle brush with the shape changed to a square.)

Second question! How do i draw so much!

Okay so. I am. Ahhah. Unemployed,,,,? No, I do freelance illustration, but hmm. A studio job would be nice.

i graduated college last year and I’m very used to eight hour art shifts. The body sort of remembers to keep working, even though I no longer have storyboards or visdev homework to do.

Also. The hyperfixation is a deep vast tunnel I STILL have not seen the end of the light to, good golly. (I have dreams now about the kids committing shenanigan crimes. I wake up in cold sweat and write them down in a journal. It’s like being the mouthpiece to an angry god.)

So the overall gist is: I was trained to be a storyboard artist with a visdev background, and I’m using that higher education to draw funny muppets because my brain’s funny.

I also DO have a queue, and I’ve been treating this as a sort of inktober project. I am definitely going to slow down soon though! Maybe. Hopefully. Ah… (sheepishly drops my kofi here)

Third question! How do i color!

I. I, uh. I dont know man the coloring demons have a grip on my soul and i just go along for the ride. But also, if it helps, i prefer to limit my pallets to only a few colors at a time. Lighting is king, so if you can figure out if you want to focus on either on your lights or shadows, you’ll have a much easier time composing. That, and symbolic colors— idk, something hits different about art drenched in gold with a tiny hint of a man staring into the blinding horizon, or a green leafy environment with a single dot of artificial red. I also like using blue and purple for shadows, and I’m a big fan of muting colors with only one or two that pop— one of the reasons why I was so attracted to submas in the first place is because from a design aesthetic, they’re both super funny muppet men AND really cool train guys that have a limited pallet and thematic apparel.

Overall response! THANK YOU SO MUCH. This goes out to a BUNCH of people who sent me inbox queries— sorry for not responding, it’s a tad overwhelming because some of them are story questions even I don’t really know will go yet, and others are words of praise and I’m selfish and like scrolling through the inbox to look at them when I feel down. I am more of an artist who sits in the corner and sprouts like a potato rather then a branching vine who socializes, but I really do see people’s responses and they make me go :)))))

Okay ramble over. Thanks for coming to the soapbox, and good luck on creating!

[ceasarslegion]

I know this is like. An unpopular stance to have (as if i dont have enough of those) but i wish we could just bring back terms like "loser" and phrases like "suck it up" instead of pretending that one's circumstances are never ever their own fault and it's always something else.

And before you start claiming things about my politics here, i am very much not saying that homeless people ever deserve to be homeless or that racial, gender, disability, and general minority discrimination doesn't exist in the world and the workplace.

What I am saying is that I have experienced a few too many people who just. Seem to absolutely refuse to help themselves and then blame it on the economy, or their identity, calling their parents loaded terms like "abusive" for asking their adult children still living in their childhood bedrooms if theyre going to at least try to get a job or improve their circumstances. I've experienced a few too many folks who just give up and roll over the second something is a little uncomfortable or scary that they could have accomplished if they well, sucked it up, and then go on to complain about how its all the fault of other things.

I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm not saying there aren't other factors that may make it harder for you to do. I'm not saying that your worth as a person is diminished if you don't do x.

I'm saying that if you don't even fucking TRY the moment it's not handed to you by others anymore, it's a little misguided to always blame the resulting lack of social mobility and accomplishment on other people and things, and it's a bit presumptuous to act like you are never at any fault for your own circumstances just because of [insert factor here]. I hate to break this to you but youre going to have to put effort into your life if you want it to get better. That doesnt mean its always going to work out but if you dont even try because you give up the moment it gets hard then well. The last thing i want to hear from you is constant complaining about circumstances youre doing nothing to improve

[hangingoutwithcorpsez]

Viva x Barb angsty headcanons

(because im sensitive and stupid)

Barb

She's VERY insecure about struggling with relationships, but never really shows it. (looking at the movie scenes where she says that her kingdom tells her only what she wants to hear and how upset she is about poppy's card) All her heart really needed were friends and love, but she put too much pressure on herself.

Easily gets jealous over Viva, because of her abondment issues. She still feels like a pop troll could not love a hard rock one, especially knowing her conflicting past. This starts most of their fights, as Barb can just be TOO MUCH with that.

Insanely pressured about her role as a queen. She's scared of becoming what she used to be, no matter how much time has passed.

Struggles to control her emotions, especially anxiety and anger. That sets a specific picture of her to some, with only her closest ones knowing the real Barb, and only Viva understanding and supporting her through it. It even seems like her soft spot exists only because of Viva.

Used to be deeply depressed (before the events of World Tour) Thinking that "reuniting trolls" with her music is the only solution to her personal emptiness and pain. Not knowing yet, that the event that's actually going to change her is meeting a specific curly haired troll. (but hard rock was probably involved in that event, let's be honest)

Viva

Is deeply traumatized after the bergen attack and how she got seperated from most trolls. She falls into PTSD episodes in which her colors fade away and she leds Clay to cover her work.

Just after they started to form their mini-civilisation, she was still completely disturbed and turned to auto-agression as a coping mechanism, leaving scars on her body.

She's still frightened by bergens, trying to start a bond with Bridget, but the rest... Poppy still has to convince her to them, as Viva prefers to not visit them, if not necessery.

Feels VERY lost in Trollstopia. Not like it's a bad place, but it's so overwhelmingly different to her, that she feels like she has missed too much to normally function there.

Easily falls into panic and anxiety attacks as she's a really stressful troll. She still struggles to take part in bigger social events among unknown trolls. But Barb goes EVERYWHERE with her to support Viva, as well as giving her little motivational speeches before it.

Probably gonna write more some other time but now i'm really tired and i just have to let my imagination live here😭😭 AND ALSO I DONT WANNA GET TOO SAD ABOUT THEM MY BABIES DESERVE A HAPPY LIFE (which only means that i will make more post yapping about them)