mmirx

[mmirx]

Jay Halstead — Blessing

Pairing : Jay Halstead x (she/her) Reader, Matt Casey x (she/her) bsf!Reader Word Count : 3.4k Warning : None? Just Jay being jealous. Synopsis : Matt having plumbing issues and in need of a place to stay feels like a blessing in disguise. Notes : This is my first One Chicago fic and tbh it's not my greatest, but I have to put something out there for a start. I wrote this a little out of my head, so it might not make sense on certain parts. Let me know what you think! If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕

There was a soft thud heard once the duffel bag hit the floor. She was walking ahead of him, heading to the kitchen to grab the two of them a bottle of cold beer.

It’s been a while since they’ve spent some time together. Her apartment might not have changed much since he last visited, but there’s always something different the next time he comes. Like how the little fish bowl that used to occupy the coffee table is now replaced by a pot of succulents, or how she’s finally installed some key holders by the door. Little things that wouldn't catch anyone's attention, yet still gave the place something fresh to bemused for.

Life has certainly brought them on different paths, ultimately making it quite difficult to align schedules with, so Matt having plumbing issues and in need of a place to stay, feels like a blessing in disguise.

“You sure it’s okay for me to crash?” Matt asks, taking the beer with a small nod of gratitude.

“Yeah,” she answers mindlessly “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Reasons,”

She walks past him, jumping on the sofa and turning the television on without any regard to his answer, “So what should we watch first? The Godfather? Shrek? How to lose a guy in ten days?”

“Shrek, duh?” Matt answers with a scoff, taking a seat next to her “No, but seriously. Is this okay?”

“Matt, you’ve been in my life longer than I can say the word ‘pickles’. Of course it’s okay,” she eyes him in suspicion “Why are you being so weird about this?”

“I’m not, I’m just making sure things are cool,”

She shrugs, setting up their film.

It surely has been a while since they last saw each other, let alone crash into the other’s place. Her demanding job and his tight schedule have made it difficult for the two to find the time to catch up. She’s not even sure if he’s seeing anyone at the moment, but she reckons, if he does, he wouldn’t be here asking if the spare room is vacant for him to occupy, would he?

“Hey, can I ask you something personal?” Matt says again, not even a minute of silence passed between the two.

“How personal can ‘personal’ be between us?” she asks instead “I’m not answering anything related to women anatomy, if that’s what you’re going to ask,”

Matt shot her a face, “No, nothing like that, geez. I was just wondering what’s with you and that Halstead guy,”

Her head snaps to him, giving him the full attention at the mentioning of a particular name, “What, Jay? Nothing’s going on between us,”

“Yeah, right. I see him attached to your hip everytime we go to Molly’s,”

Her lips parted, about to spit something but decided to go against it. She takes a breath, trying to recollect her composure as she shrugs, “We’re just partners,”

“In what sense?”

“In the most normal sense of partnership,” she answers, resting her elbow on the headrest of the sofa “What’s with the questions? Are you playing protective big brother on me?”

“Maybe,” he answers with a gulp of his beer “So, tell me about him,”

The gears in her brain steamed, wondering for the right words to reply to such a request. What was she supposed to say? Is there even anything to say? They’re partners, in the most normal sense of partnership, as she said, but should she leave out the details of how the butterflies in her stomach exploded everytime he looks at her? Should she leave out the static jolt of electricity coursing through her veins whenever Voight paired them up? Should she leave out the bliss she feels whenever he would get a little protective of her on the field?

She knew that Matt wouldn’t mind her being a little soppy about a boy. He’s been with her through all of her ugly, cheesy relationships, afterall, but things are different with Jay. He’s not some senior she’s crushing on in the hallways back in highschool or the frat boy she met at a party in college. No, he means much more than that.

“He’s just.. someone I’m happy to be around with,”

Matt raises an eyebrow, “Elaborate,”

“What’s there to elaborate? Do you want me to confess my undying love for him, now?”

“Well, do you?” he questions with an intrigued smile “Do you love Halstead?”

“What— That was just a joke, you know that!”

“Do I?”

The warmth on her cheek was getting worse, no question that they’re red as tomatoes now. The teasing grin on Matt’s face was blooming. Cats out of the bag, and even though she knew that Matt wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise her feelings, having someone knew the secret sentiment she holds for her colleague was still a tough pill to swallow. Especially knowing that romance isn’t much endorsed within the unit.

That, and her uncertainty if the river flows both ways.

“Hey, if he makes you happy, I’m happy,” Matt comments, pulling her head to his shoulder “But, really, will he be okay with me staying? I don’t want to be the person causing you two to fight or anything. I’m not one to ruin others' relationships, okay?”

“We’re not in a relationship,” she mumbles, a slight pang of heartache tainting her chest “It’s just me, having some silly crush on him, okay? I doubt he’d care you’re staying,”

Matt shrugs, snatching the remote from her hand, “If you say so,”

—-

The frown on Jay’s face was getting deeper, creases more prominent on his forehead as he watched her, talking and laughing through the window of Matt Casey’s truck. The two have been talking for minutes now, looking as if they’re too engrossed in their conversation and have lost track of time. Any minute now she’s going to be late for her clock in and it would be unwise of him to not remind her of it.

At least, that’s the excuse he thought when he came and knocked on Matt’s window.

“Coming in?” Jay asks, not sparing a greeting to Matt “We’re almost late for clock in,”

“Right, sorry,” she answers in a surprised tone, unlocking her seatbelt before turning back to Matt “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Matt smiles at her, giving Jay a nod in acknowledgement, “Halstead,”

“Casey,” Jay replied curtly before turning his back, not waiting for her.

She looks at Matt, baffled at Jay’s peculiar demeanour, but Matt only shrugs and gives her the ‘told you so’ look.

Slightly skipping, she tries to catch up with Jay who seems to be taking the bigger stride than usual. That scowling expression plastered clearly, seemingly stuck on his face for the rest of the day. He seems to be having a rough morning. One poke and he’ll combust into flames.

“You okay?” she asks softly, her eyes lacing with worry as they enter the bullpen.

“Yeah,” he answers with an apparent grumble “Why wouldn’t I be?”

She shakes her head, shrugging, “You just look upset, that’s all.”

“I’m fine,”

She nods to herself, muttering a small ‘okay’ before heading to her own table. He glances at her, brows still furrow as if he was disapproving something she’d done, but if he said he’s fine, then he’s fine. Pestering him would only make things worse, she reckons.

—-

It was maddening. Voight hasn’t paired the two of them all day and the sour gesture Jay was giving her was not watering by the last two hours of their shift. She wanted to ask if she’s done anything wrong since such treatment seems to only be given to her. He’s got no issue laughing over Adam’s pathetic joke or listening over Alvin’s unprompted life advice, yet the moment she opens her mouth, he would busy himself with things she knows were just a front to ignore her.

“Halstead, go and see if you can get some intel about that jewellery store robbery. See if there’s any connection with the shooting we’re investigating,” Voight ordered.

“I can go with him,” she volunteers, standing from her seat “I’ve done all my reports. I’m free to go, Chief,”

Voight nods, gesturing her to leave, but the exasperated sigh Jay let out was raining on her parade. Perhaps he really needed some free space from her today.

The ride to the jewellery store was awkward, to say the least. Jay kept on sighing while the only thing she could do was to steal glances and silently pick on her nails, wondering what to say first to break the stillness. Even asking to turn the radio on feels like pulling the trigger to her head.

“So, Casey,” Jay finally starts, eyes glued to the road.

Her brows knit, surprised to hear the first word he said, “What about him?”

“You came with him this morning,”

“I did,” she answers, clearly still oblivious to the direction of this conversation “He’s staying in my apartment for a while. Some plumbing issues and what not,”

Jay nods in acknowledgement, but the same disapproving look still plastered on his face, “For how long?”

“Not sure, maybe a couple weeks,” she says with a shrug “I mean, honestly, I wouldn’t mind him moving in for good. He’s been having this issue for years and I could use a flatmate to share the tax and maintenance fee with,”

Jay frowns, “I didn’t know you were looking for a flatmate,”

“I wasn’t, but having Matt makes me think that having one wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

He answers with a hum, still not looking at her at all.

“Hey, do we have a problem?” she asks at last “You’ve been avoiding me all day,”

“I have not,”

“Yes, you have. You won’t even look at me.”

With a sigh, pulling the gear to a neutral before turning to face her, Jay retorts, “Happy now?”

She opens her mouth, clearly unsatisfied and displeased by his bitter remark, but the word died on her tongue. She watches as Jay continues his drive, looking as if he’s trying to be collected but the stress, whatever it may be caused by, was slowly dripping out of him. He wasn’t the most level headed person in their team, sure, there’s no need to argue with that, but he was never the irrational one, either. If he was ever upset about anything, it would be of some valid excuse, and now she’s unsure if she should pry or let him be.

“Stop staring,” Jay mutters.

“I can do whatever I want, stare whoever I want,” she retorts, folding her hands to her chest “Do you have anything to say to me?”

Jay scoffs, still not looking at her, “No,”

“Good, because I don’t have anything else to say either,”

He finally glances at her, rolling his eyes once he sees the stance she was in, “You’re impossible.”

—-

One of the downfalls of being in the Intelligence Unit is one must always be ready for a call in, even when you are already tucked in and ready to drift off to slumber. Whenever Voight calls for an assembly, wherever you might be, one would have to drag their arse and go at a lightning speed. Such misfortune had befall upon her tonight.

She groans as she peels herself off of her blankets. The shooting was on the other side of town and the urgency on Voight’s voice tells her that this wouldn’t be a case that could be postponed until morning. Walking herself to the closet, she pauses as another buzz comes in her phone.

Halstead: where are you?

Halstead: I’m near your place, we can go to the scene together.

Halstead: be there in 5.

She pursed her lips, reading through his train of texts. Jay might have a little sense of authority in himself, but never in this way, never to her. The strange behaviour he’s been showing all day was appalling. Avoiding her all day, only to pick her up for their sudden call in? It’s like seeing a different man and she wasn’t sure if there’s anything she could do to bring back his usual self.

Not even five minutes later, the doorbell of her apartment rang. There was no question as to who might be on the other side of the door, but since she still has to change out of pajamas, Matt has to be the one to open the door.

“Halstead,” Matt greets in surprise “What are you doing here?”

“Picking her up,” Jay answers, standing tall and proud in front of the older man “Is she in?”

“Uh, yeah, come in,”

With a nod, Jay enters the apartment in silence. He takes a look around, trying to accept Matt’s presence that has slowly settled in her place. There were new frames that he’s never seen before, pictures of them when they were little now displayed in the living room. He examines the photos, seeing the happy smile on their young faces, looking innocent and gleeful. The two have always been close since the beginning of time, so it seems.

“Sorry, I took too long,” she says as she came out of her room, hands busy tying her hair before turning to Matt “I gotta go, Voight calls,”

Matt nods, planting a chaste kiss to her temple, “Be safe,”

“Always,” she grins like a kid before frowning as she sees the deep furrowed expression on Jay’s face “You okay?”

Jay didn’t answer, finding himself out of the apartment in haste.

“Told you,” Matt comments with slight mockery in his tone before she heads to the door “I’ll start packing now.”

“Shut up, this means nothing,” she remarks, slamming the door behind her.

—-

There was tension in the air, there’s no denying that. The grip Jay has on the steering wheel was tight, knuckles turning white from how hard he was clutching it. His jaws were tense. He was seething.

But she was tired of asking. The strange act was getting on her nerves. If she’s made any mistake, said anything that might offend him, she’s given him more than enough chances to speak, yet he remained silent and chose the petty way. If this was the game he chooses to play, then she’ll be more than willing to sign as the second player.

“You’ve done some redecorating,” Jay begins, his tone cold and accusing “Nice pictures you put there,”

She shrugs, looking out the window, “Found them as I was cleaning the spare room for Matt. Thought they deserve to see the light. We were cute back then, don’t you think?”

Jay hums, half-heartedly agreeing, “So you’ve known him for long?”

“Longer than I can remember,” she answers, not giving a single thought to his questions “What were you doing around my neighbourhood?”

“Was having some drink at the nearby pub,”

“You drank? Pull over, let me drive instead,”

“It was just a bottle of beer, I’m fine,” Jay scoffs “I didn’t even get to finish it,”

She shuts her lips tight, not bothering to argue with the fuming man, anymore.

“So, you and Casey,”

Her brows raise, turning to face him with an offended look now, “What now?”

“You and Casey,” he repeats, as if it meant any differently this time.

“What about me and Casey?”

Jay clenches his jaws, feeling the frustration to boil his blood, “You two together now?”

Her jaw hung, clearly confused at his accusation.

“He kissed you,”

“On the temple,” she argues with a tone that clearly questions his sanity “That hardly means anything,”

Jay shrugs but the hardened expression on his face was still etched.

“You know, you’re acting really weird,” she comments, her tone thick of exasperation “You’ve been avoiding me, giving me the cold shoulders the whole day, but everytime I ask you’d always say that nothing’s wrong when clearly that’s not the case,”

He remains silent, listening to her words and swallowing his saliva from the call out.

“You know, if I didn’t know better, I thought you’re jealous,”

There was a pause. The only sound breaking their silence was the bustling traffic that infiltrated the closed windows of his car. For a moment there, her heartbeat quickened, regretting the word she spilled as it sounded desperate and embarrassing to say out loud, even when it came out light-hearted. The two might have thrown some banter here and there overtime, but the disappointment tainting her voice was a little too obvious for anyone to ignore, and she’s unsure how he would take it.

“You know what, forget what I—,”

“Would it be so wrong?” Jay asks instead.

She blinks, not understanding his question, “Would what be so wrong?”

“For me to get jealous?”

The car stops as he parks, reaching their destination with the other patrol cars’ already crowding the scene. The red and blue lights were reflected on his face, making the worry and despair more prominent. He was staring back at her, mirroring the uncertainty and wondering if he’s burned their bridges to the ground, but before either of them could spare another word, the loud knock on the window by Antonio broke their quietude.

“We’ve to go,” she says, nodding to Antonio as a sign “We’ll talk about this later,”

—-

Later came a little too fast for her liking. She checks her watch, noting that the clock has struck four in the morning and her head was starting to pound from the lack of sleep, yet she’s still unsure if she’d have the strength to drag herself back to his car and continue their conversation.

The whole time they’re out, she notices how his eyes were trailing behind her like a lost puppy. How he was never further than a few feet away from her, looking a little too tense yet ready if she ever calls for him. It was ridiculous, to be acting this unprofessional, especially when Voight expects them to be on their best act with their current case, but the unintended heart-to-heart conversation was haunting and she doesn’t know if it would bring them more good than harm leaving it hung on the air with no real closure.

“You need a ride?” Kevin asks once Voight lets them clear.

“She’s with me,” Jay says, inserting himself between the two “I’ll drive her home,”

Kevin nods, giving her a hug before patting on Jay’s shoulder as goodbye.

The silence as he drove her home was different than all the silences they’ve faced before. There was no sigh, no stolen glances, no nothing to break the stillness. It felt like the longest yet fastest drive in both of their lives, cursing at the universe once he hit the brake and parked the car right in front of her apartment building.

“I’m sorry,” Jay says first, afraid that she would bolt out of his car before he could further explain his feelings “I just— I know, I have no rights, but I— I thought we have something, you know? I thought you’re feeling what I feel,”

She turns to him, watching as he takes off his mask.

“I thought we were going somewhere and you just need some time to figure out how we’re going to do this without Voight having our heads in a spike, but now I just— I don’t know. Maybe I’m just reading into things,”

Never had she seen him be this vulnerable. Like he was on the verge of breaking down, unashamed to lay all his cards on the table. His heart was on his sleeves for her to see, for her to rip apart if she wants. By this point he couldn’t care less what she’s going to do with it. She could spit and stomp it to the ground and he would still kiss the floor she left him at. All he wanted to do now is to pour his heart out, to show her what’s been bothering him, and hope for the slightest chance that she would understand where he’s coming from.

“You’re not reading into things,” she says fast, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze “I’m feeling what you feel, Jay,”

There was a sigh of relief before a smile bloomed on his face. The worry in his eyes dissipates, turning into what seems to be a glisten of hope and satisfaction. Slowly, he eliminates the distance between them as his hand travels to her cheek. His thumb caresses her soft skin, heart exploding in bliss once their lips touch. It was a tender one. The kind you give to your lover when you’re feeling a little selfish and in need of some reassurance, instead of giving one. He kisses her gently, still testing the water of the boundaries that they’ve yet to set with this new step they’re taking.

With a slight regret, she pulls away from the kiss with a smile. Jay was still busy kissing her forehead as if trying to erase all trace of another’s lips on her skin. It was starting to feel ridiculous by the time he planted a big wet one on the spot where Matt kissed her earlier that night.

“So can I kick him out of your apartment now?”

“Worse,” she giggles, taking his hand in hers “You’re gonna have to ask for his blessing,”

[mmirx]

Can't Take it Back

Connor Rhodes x Reader

He didn't mean it, the words just slipped out. Now he's watching you fight for your life, hoping for a chance, hoping he gets to take it back. @desimarie12

He hadn't meant for it to slip out. He didn't know what was going on inside his head in that moment but you were stressing about when to take maternity leave even though you still had almost nine weeks, you'd been sick the last two days so sleep hadn't really happened for either of you and now you were upset that he had to miss an ultrasound appointment because a surgery was scheduled for that day.

“Maybe we picked a bad time in our lives to have a baby. Ever consider that sweetheart?” The moment he said it he wanted to take it back. Your entire face fell, your shoulders sagged and your eyes did that thing where he knew you were wanting to cry but you hadn't quite got them out yet “What?”

“I didn't mean it like that” he backtracked, taking a step towards you but you shook your head, putting one hand on your stomach “I think it's a little late to decide you don't want him Connor” “You know I'm happy about him, you know I love you” he tried but you shook your head, tears finally breaking free and working down your face “You've got a funny way of showing it”

“Baby please let me explain” he begged but you grabbed your purse and phone off the counter “I'm going to work then I think I may just stay at my sister's for a few days, let you decide whether or not you're ready to be a father”

You wouldn't even kiss him before you walked out of the door. He hadn't meant what he said, he did love you. He loved your son. He was excited for this chapter with you but the closer your due date got the closer he examined his relationship with his own father if you could call it that.

Surely his own father hadn't always looked at him with such disdain? What if he somehow became infected with the same poison? What if he one day hurt his son the way he'd been hurt? What if he hurt you? Those thoughts had strangled his mind so hard they were what had led to those words being said.

He sent your sister a text begging her to call him before gathering his own belongings to head into work. He'd make it through shift then he'd buy your favorite flowers, that stroller you'd been eyeing and go to your sister's. He'd beg on his knees if he had to but he knew you well enough to know even before the pregnancy hormones you took a while to calm down.

Connor always left his phone with Maggie when he had to go into surgery. That way if you called she could answer and see what you needed and help if she could and if not come find him.

He walked up to the desk and looked at her hopefully “Has she called?” She shook her head “Sorry. It's been quiet” he took the phone from her extended hand and clicked onto the text thread between you and him.

There were so many messages from you just the day before, teasing him about needing to pick a name or sending a mirror selfie of your stomach or just telling him you loved him. Now every text he'd sent only had a read receipt next to them. He decided to try to send yet another one Love, please talk to me. I'm so sorry. I want you and our son more than anything

He slid the phone into his pocket then headed back to the er floor, hoping he'd hear a ding that meant if nothing else you'd sent a simple emoji back.

It was around two when Connor heard Maggie call out for Will and Ethan “WE HAVE TRAUMA INCOMING. SINGLE AUTO ACCIDENT. PREGNANT FEMALE, TWENTY NINE WEEKS”

He ran to the front to meet them and Maggie shook her head and nodded to security “Take doctor Rhodes to the lounge” “What? Maggie why?”

She reached for his arm but he shrugged her off about the time the ambulance rolled up. He felt the security guards grab him but Maggie's words sank into his head “pregnant female, twenty nine weeks” she wanted him removed from the floor. “Maggie” his voice broke when the door of the ambulance opened and he heard Sylvie Brett say your name.

He fought guards to try to get to your side. You laid motionless on the stretcher, blood caked your face and hair, your left leg was turned at the wrong angle. “We need to get a fetal monitor on her stat. Let's get to work. She's one of ours” Will ordered, nurses and Ethan moving around him.

Connor shoved one of the guards and sent him sprawling before running to be at your side. Will shook his head “You don't even need to be in here Connor” “Fuck you Halstead. I'll stand back and let you and Ethan work but I'm not leaving them”

Connor sat next to your bed, eyes flickering between your heart monitor and the fetal heart monitor. April had washed what blood she could from your hair but there were still streaks staining your face, your leg was braced where it had to be popped back into place and there were places that were more bandage than skin. You'd used your arms to shield your stomach as best as you could when the car rolled.

OB had come in and out, checking the rates despite the fact that he hadn't moved from his spot in hours. The soft clicking of the ventilator filled the room, making him flinch every time. “I'm sorry” he whispered, one hand gripping yours while the other curled over your stomach “I'm so sorry. Sweetheart, I love you more than anything and I love him. I was just scared, scared of hurting you, of hurting him, scared of being like my father…”

He let out a watery laugh, tears falling down onto your joined hands as he brought it up to his lips to brush a kiss against the back of your hand “Please don't leave me. Please don't go and take him too. I can't lose you both. I'll trade places if that's what the universe needs. My life to spare yours and his. The world's not worth being in if my world is gone..”

Come Back

[mmirx]

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞

*Gif and pics not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Fem!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Summary: Connor shows his possessive and jealous side and you love every bit of it.

• Warnings: jealousy, few curse words and I don’t know what else, please let me know if I missed any lol.

• Word count: 1930.

• A/N: I’m not sure about this one but here it is anyway since I was too lazy to write it all over again 😭 I hope you’ll like it, looking forward for your opinion. Comment, like and reblog, it’d would mean the world 💕 I love you all xx

Connor's first case since coming back to Med’s was fairly simple.

He thought that day would go uneventful. He thought.

An elementary school girl was taken to the ER after her teacher called 911 because of an intense abdominal pain and after an ultrasound it turned out to be a case of acute appendicitis.

“She’ll need surgery, where are the parents? We need their consent,” Connor had asked Natalie while they examined the little patient who was still writhing in pain. She was given a small dose of morphine to calm some of her excruciating pain.

At that same moment Maggie entered the room and Connor glanced at her as he tried to calm the little girl, whose name turned out to be Daisy. “Her teacher is here and asked about a doctor.”

“I'll talk to her,” Connor said and Natalie nodded.

Connor and Maggie exited the patient's room and his gaze fell on a figure near the nurses' station who was filling out some forms.

He tried to keep an expression as serious and impassive as possible even though internally a flock of butterflies had just exploded in his stomach.

There was no need to even take a double take, he would’ve recognized that figure even in a crowd of thousands of people. After all, how could he not recognize his own girlfriend?

You were a teacher and taught science in an elementary school but what were the chances that you would’ve been the little girl’s teacher?

You and Connor had been together for about few months them so none of his colleagues knew you existed yet. He had to act like he didn’t know you, like he didn’t want to breathtakingly kiss you right then and there.

He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over your body suppressing the innate desire to approach you and grab your ass like he always did.

He approached the nurses' station, hands shoved in his uniform pocket. “Ma’am.”

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard not a voice but his voice. You immediately tried to suppress the smile that threatened to appear on your face as well as the urge to giggle since he knew how much it annoyed you when he’d call you ‘ma’am’.

“It’s ‘miss’, actually.”

You said when you turned to him, pen still in your fingers as you gave him a polite smile and chuckling to yourself when you saw Connor press his lips together in an attempt not to burst out laughing.

“Nice to meet you miss, I’m doctor Rhodes. I’m treating Daisy.”

Your eyes quickly scanned his body, trying to maintain composure and not blush like a fourteen year old when thoughts about you and him in his bed that morning crept into your mind.

“How is she, doctor?” You asked, failing miserably at not giving him a little mischievou smile.

“Unfortunately I cannot discuss my patient's health status with people outside of her family. I wanted to ask you if you have by any chance notified her parents? We need to talk to them,” he replied in a professional tone although the way his eyes shone as they spoke to you and the way he couldn't help but check you out gave him away.

Maggie and April, who were there at the time and witnessing your conversation, couldn't help but exchange a knowing look.

They had both thought the exact same thing.

There was no way you and Connor didn't know each other.

It was so obvious and even funny how you both tried to maintain a professional and unemotional facade. But the way he looked at you, the way his eyes had never left yours, the way his body was totally turned towards you and in which he seemed to be imperceptibly drawn continuously towards yours had revealed there was no way in hell that he didn't know you.

But it was also how your head was tilted slightly as you spoke to him, how you kept touching your hair, how you batted your eyelashes and the shadow of a smile that never left your lips that had given definitive confirmation that you two knew each other very well.

And not talking about the fact you two were blatantly flirting.

“I came here in a hurry so I didn't have time to call them, but I'll do it right away,” you had said and Connor had nodded, trying to keep himself from following you with his eyes as you walked away to make the call but failing miserably.

“Connor oh my god! What was that?!” April screamed/whispered, approaching Connor with Maggie, a look of pure surprise and amazement on both their faces. “You know her?!”.

Connor shrugged nonchalantly. “N-no of course not.”

“Oh come on we saw the way you looked at each other, you clearly know her and there is definitely something going on!” Maggie retorted.

“She's just a good looking woman, that's all,” Connor remarked even if ‘good looking’ didn’t even come close to how gorgeous you were.

All his attention though had shifted from Maggie and April for a moment, his eyes falling on the two doctors that were talking as they looked through some patients' medical records.

He saw the direction of their gaze, hearing the comments about the object – or rather the person – that had attracted their attention.

“Man if she was a stripper I would’ve spent my whole salary on her, did you see that ass?”. One of them had confessed to one of them while he was pretending to fill out the medical records even though he was watching you like a hawk while you were talking on the phone.

“I would’ve never skipped a class if I had a teacher as hot as her,” the other continued laughing.

“You think she has someone?”.

“Oh I hope not, but if it is he is a damn lucky bastard.”

Connor clenched his hands into two fists, almost having a brain aneurysm.

A wave of jealousy washed over him, every cell of his body exploding with anger at hearing the words directed towards you who unawarely continued to talk on the phone.

His jaw clenched as he struggled to stay calm, but God how much he wanted to beat the shit out of those two sons of bitches. He hated the way they looked at you, the way they made those disgusting comments about your body.

He hated it so much because that was the way he looked at you.

He was the only one who could make those comments about you, the only one who could have those sinful thoughts about you, the only one who could touch and admire you.

Your ass, your legs, your smile, your laugh, that twinkle in your eyes when you looked at him, that body, all of this were his.

It was as if his mind had gone into blackout, as if all his reasoning, judgment and common sense had just flown away because now all he could do was imagine the bastards' heads banging against the wall over and over again.

Drastic? Perhaps. Excessive? Probably. But Connor didn't give a fuck.

And it was in fact at that precise moment that he did something he’d never have thought of doing for anyone.

“Daisy's parents are…-” you announced as you ended the call and walked back to the nurses' station but stopped on your tracks when Connor came towards you, and a confused expression appeared on your face.

Your eyes widened and you almost had a heart attack when he grabbed your face and crushed his lips on yours.

He didn't give a shit.

Neither that you both were keeping your relationship a secret anymore, nor that you were in the middle of the ER, nor that everyone at that moment had stopped to witness that scene.

He wasn’t thinking clearly and in that moment it was that part of him with which he had never come face to face before that controlled him, that primitive and caveman part he was hating so much.

Even though that gesture had taken you completely by surprise, your body reacted before your mind could even understand what was happening, so you kissed him back, feeling your breath stopping in your lungs. Your hands slid up his chest and fisted his uniform as he wrapped his arms around your hips, sliding his hands down to your ass.

He didn't care he’d receive an endless scolding for what he was doing, he didn't care about the voices that commented the scene, he didn't care that everyone saw his hands squeezing your ass.

He didn't care because he wanted them to see, he wanted everyone to know you belonged to him, that he was the only one who could kiss you, fuck you, squeeze that stripper ass, that loved you.

You broke away from the kiss before the situation could escalate, your heart pounding and your legs shaking like jelly. “Babe oh my god…-”.

“You’re mine, you know that right?” He whispered. “Only mine.” His hands moved up from your ass back to your face and his thumbs caressed your cheekbones before placing a small kiss on his lips. “And I love you.”

Woah hold on.

Did he fucking say ‘I love you’? In an ER?

Wait. Connor loves me?

You looked at him in shock but you didn't have time to process and figure out what the hell was going on because he grabbed your hand and led you back towards the nurses' station, where Maggie and April's jaws were now on the floor.

“Meet my girlfriend, Y/n,” he announced, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close as you were about to faint. Your heart was beating so fast you feared you’d need a defibrillator to revive you sooner or later.

You were so shocked you couldn’t elaborate a word, fuck you couldn’t even think about one.

Connor's eyes focused on the two doctors that had been talking about you until recently but who at that moment were looking around embarrassed.

“You wanted to know if she was taken? Yes, she is. I’m the lucky bastard who gets to have her and now let me hear one more thing about my girlfriend, I fucking dare you.”

You looked with confusion at your boyfriend, then at the doctors he was glaring at, and then back at him. You had no idea what he was talking about and you were so dazed and confused that your mind didn't know what to process first.

From the way Connor’s hand was gripping your hip, the way he held you so close to him, and the way he glared at the two doctors, you imagined it was somehow about you. And although the embarrassment of being the center of attention made you want to be swallowed by the floor, you couldn't help but feel… Flattered.

Was this the right word?

You didn’t know.

You couldn't even describe it, but that jealous, protective side of him lit a fire inside you that burned every single fucking cell of your body.

You knew Connor always had this protective instinct towards you but knowing he had ‘marked his territory’ so blatantly, just to stop whatever they were saying, made you giggle to yourself like a teenage girl.

It was so damn hot and sexy, more than you would’ve ever expected.

And instead of thinking about how out of place or inappropriate that gesture was, the only thing you could think about as you looked at Connor was how good he was going to get it that night.

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[mmirx]

Worry

Jay Halstead x reader

Summary: When Y/n has an accident with Jay's car, she fears his reaction. However, she is surprised by the real reason for his concern

Y/n was still thinking about everything that had gone wrong that day. Her head hurt, probably from the cut on her forehead and the bruise that was beginning to form on her cheek. However, the guilt that settled in her body was the worst of all.

It all started when she woke up late for work. Since she was still an intern at the company, Y/n couldn't be late, or her boss would be even more unpleasant than usual. On top of that, she didn't have a car, as she left it at her house and spent the night at Jay's, her boyfriend of five months, who had picked her up from work.

So Jay lent her the car, saying Hailey could give him a ride. Little did she know that this would be the worst decision ever. When she was returning home at the end of the day, she was at an intersection when suddenly a dog ran into the street. As she tried to avoid it, she hit a car coming in the opposite direction.

The impact was enough for her to hit her head on the steering wheel, hence the cut and bruise. She was so scared, her ears were ringing and she only managed to come out of the shock when the driver of the other car got out of his vehicle and started banging on her window, screaming angrily at her.

Y/n's eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks, but the girl tried to stop them from falling. It would just make her more pathetic, she thought. Other drivers saw what had happened and called 911 and told them what had happened. Fortunately, the other vehicle wasn't as damaged as Jay's.

Her injuries were attended to on the spot, something Y/n couldn't have been happier about. So Will, Jay's brother, couldn't see her and call her boyfriend, only scaring him when he was working. They even let her drive home, since the car was drivable and she could decide which workshop to take it to for repairs.

Now, Y/n was sitting on the couch, anxiously waiting for Jay to get home. She had already thought of many ways on how to tell Jay what happened, but none of them calmed her nerves. He was going to be so upset, he lent her the car and she couldn't even be trusted with that.

Finally, she heard the keys open the door and Jay's voice echoed through the house, "Babe, are you here?" he questioned, hoping she had come to his house instead of going to her small apartment.

"In the living room." she said, keeping her gaze on the ground, not having the courage to look her boyfriend in the eyes and reveal to him what had happened to his precious car.

"Hey, baby." Jay smiled when he saw her sitting on the couch.

However, a frown quickly formed on his face when she didn't get up to greet him. Normally she would jump into his arms and kiss every part of his face until finally kissing his lips passionately. It was his favorite part of the day.

Y/n finally looked up at him when she felt him approaching her. Her eyes filled with tears again and her throat tightened when she saw Jay's face change when he noticed his injuries. He immediately got down on his knees in front of her, gently holding her chin so he could move her face and inspect her cut and bruise. She also noticed the way his hands were shaking.

"What the hell happened?" he questioned, feeling his heart tighten. His gaze then hardened, "Who did this to you? I'll kill them."

"Jay, I'm so sorry." Y/n murmured, her eyes filling with even more tears, which made Jay worry even more. What the hell had happened to his girlfriend and who did he have to beat?

"Why are you apologizing? I'm not understanding, baby. Tell me what happened so that I can fix it, yeah?"

"Your car…" the girl sobbed, unable to say a sentence without tears falling down her cheeks. Jay pulled her to his chest, hugging her until she calmed down enough to tell her what had happened. "A dog crossed the road and when I tried to avoid it I hit a car. And you trusted me with your car and I crashed. I'm so sorry, Jay, I really am and—"

"Slow down, Y/n. Breathe." Jay asked, alarmed by how her face was getting redder since she still hadn't stopped to inhale. His thumb stroked her uninjured cheek, hoping it would comfort her.

"No, I'm sorry. The car is still drivable, but it has a dent and is scratched. But I can afford the repair. I just need a few weeks and talk to my boss to pay me in advance, but I swear I'll sort this out. I know you need a car for work but you can use mine and I'll use the bus in the meantime."

"Y/n!" Jay exclaimed so she would finally shut up and listen to him. He cupped her cheeks carefully, forcing her to look directly at him. "Listen to me, you won't pay for anything. I don't care about the car, I care about you. So please calm down and tell me you're not hurt anywhere else. Please."

"I'm okay." she admitted, seeing Jay's body relax a little and he sighed in relief, running a hand over his face. "I'm just a little sore from the impact. The car is worse."

"Stop talking about the damn car or I swear I'll take it to the scrap yard to be destroyed. I can buy another car or live without it, but I can't live without you. God, Y/n when I saw your face all hurt I thought I was going to have a heart attack."

"I'm sorry…"

"No more apologizing." Jay was quick to order, giving her a stern look, but nothing hid the concern and love that was evident in his eyes. "Why didn't you call me? Did you go to the hospital? What did they say?"

"I didn't go to the hospital. The paramedics saw me there and said everything was fine."

Jay didn't answer her, suddenly getting up and going straight to his cell phone. His jaw was clenched and he looked like he was ready to have another mini heart attack.

"Who are you calling? Please don't bother Will just so he can come here and see how I'm doing. I'm fine, I promise."

"Either Will comes here or we go to the hospital. There's no room for discussion."

Y/n looked down shyly, knowing she wasn't going to win this argument. So, she waited for Jay to finish her call, definitely dramatizing her situation to Will.

When he hung up, he sat down next to her on the couch and brought her into his arms again. Jay squeezed her, needing to calm down and reassure him that she was relatively okay and safe. He placed his face on her neck, breathing in her perfume, which gave him an immediate comfort.

"Why didn't you call me?" he murmured, his voice breaking. He had never felt so worried as he did at that moment. He wouldn't be able to live if something had happened to his girlfriend. She was the one. The love of her life.

"I didn't want to bother you. You were working."

"Y/n, you can never bother me. Please, call me when something happens. I don't care if it's for the simplest reason, call me. I need to know that you're okay. I would never be able to forgive myself if something bothered you happened and I didn't know anything about it."

"I will. Again, I'm really sor—"

Y/n couldn't finish speaking when Jay's lips were on hers, kissing her fervently. He put all the love he felt for her into that kiss, one hand behind her head and the other on her unhurt cheek. Y/n responded to her kiss, placing her hands on his broad shoulders and pulling him closer.

Hesitantly, they broke the kiss so they could breathe. Their faces were so close that they could feel each other's breaths. Y/n snuggled closer to him, loving the feeling of security that only Jay could give her.

"I love you." Jay admitted in a low voice, not wanting to break the comfortable silence. He was looking into Y/n's eyes intensely, showing how true those words were.

Y/n's eyebrows rose upon hearing her boyfriend's confession. It was the first time Jay had said that to her. Her stomach filled with butterflies and a big smile appeared on her face, which calmed the detective's nerves. "I love you."

"God, I love you so much, baby." Jay kissed her again, his hands moving down to her waist.

However, their little make-out session was interrupted by a doorbell. Jay went to open the door, his lips slightly swollen and a smile on his face. However, he returned to his worried state when the doctor started treating Y/n.

His brother was under Jay's attentive gaze, analyzing everything the redhead did with crossed arms. When Will touched Y/n's bruised cheek and she flinched, the detective stepped forward and glared at his brother. "Careful."

Will gave him a look over his shoulder as if saying I'm the doctor here, but didn't open his mouth. Jay was stressed and Will didn't blame him, he knew how much his younger brother liked this girl. He had even told her about asking her to marry him with his mother's ring.

"I think everything is fine apart from that cut, which doesn't need stitches, and ice the bruise. Hmm, the pressure is still a little high. Has anything happened that could have stressed you even more apart from the accident?" Will asked in doctor mode.

"Uhm…" Y/n hesitated, looking shyly at Jay. "Well, let's just say the other driver wasn't too happy about me hitting his car. He was a little scary."

The silence that formed was horrible. Will cringed, knowing that Jay was going to completely flip out. He was already a nervous wreck, and this was only going to make his mood and worry worse. As expected by both, the detective let out a series of curse words, taking his hands to his hair and pulling it. He closed his eyes and clenched his wrists, trying to control himself. At that moment, he needed to comfort his girlfriend and then he would deal with the man who scared her.

"You know the car's registration number, right?" Jay asked her when he calmed down slightly. He sat on the couch, pulling Y/n onto his lap, feeling the need to always be touching her. Y/n nodded. "Good. I'll deal with him later."

"Well, it looks like my work here is done. Y/n, ice your cheek and disinfect the cut. If you feel any discomfort or pain, don't hesitate to call me."

"You sure she doesn't need to go to the hospital, Will?" Jay kissed Y/n's neck, feeling her snuggle closer to him and closing her eyes as she yawned.

"Nothing seems wrong. She just needs to rest and recover."

"Okay. Thanks, man."

"Thank you, Will." the girl opened her eyes and smiled slightly. Then she turned to Jay who instead of making an effort to get up, tightened his arms around her. "Aren't you going to accompany your brother out?"

"He knows the way out." he muttered. Will rolled his eyes, but smiled at the couple and left. He knew Jay would never let Y/n out of his sight again.

Jay kept tracing her cheek lovingly, which was making Y/n sleepy. "Are you tired, baby?"

"Yeah."

"Go to sleep. I'm going to take the week off and I will also call your boss saying you won't be going to work until you get better." Jay said, kissing her forehead.

"That's not necessary. I feel fine." Y/n tried to argue.

"It won't work, Y/n. You're going to stay at home and rest so I can take care of you. I need to know you are safe and okay. And the only way to know that is to have you in my arms. I'll never let you go."

"I kind of like that idea." she chuckled.

"Good." he said, continuing to soothe her into unconsciousness. When he felt Y/n's breathing calm down, indicating that she was asleep, Jay pulled out his phone, calling Voight. "I need you to research the owner of a vehicle. Find what you can to get him arrested, parking tickets, speed limits, I don't care. He scared my girl."

"You got it, Jay. Take care of Y/n."

"I will. Bye." he hung up and focused his attention on his girlfriend again. She was so perfect. "I love you, baby. So much."

[mmirx]

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Requested: yes, by anon

Summary: Will finally voices his frustrations, and you let your emotion take over, snapping back at him for the first time.

Word Count: 1.2K+

Square Filled: First Fight for #resa.3kfiestabingo

Warnings: insecurities, allusions to past abusive relationship

A/N: I am alive! I took forever to finish this and was this <> close to scrapping the whole thing. Thankful for bestie beta services @sheetsonfire hehe. Anyway, hope you guys like this! First fic of the year being a Will one is kinda interesting hehe.

WILL HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Halstead, I think you could do better.”

You froze, midstep on the way back to the table where Will and his friend were now seated, a cold feeling seeming to seep through your body as you heard his friend vocalize every insecure thought that had ever crossed your mind.

Even though you and Will had been seeing each other for a significant amount of time, you’d kept a lot to yourself, especially negative parts of your life, your feelings. It was like you felt that you needed to do more in order to deserve to be with Will. And even that, didn’t seem to be enough.

The lesson you’d learned from your previous relationship still resonated strongly in you - no one would love all of you.

So with Will, you’d been extra careful and yet…

Will glanced up from where he’d leaned in to say something inaudible to his friend, and you registered the look of alarm on his face as he saw you but you straightened your expression into a smile before you finally made it back to the table.

“Come on, we’re leaving.” Will said and you glanced at him in surprise.

Granted, you knew that drinks with his friend wasn’t what either of you had planned for when you’d left the house that evening. It was just an old friend from med school that had recognized Will and joined them for a drink or two. But you thought Will might have wanted some extra time to catch up with a friend he hadn’t seen for a while.

But Will just took your hand, threading his fingers through yours and nodded to his friend, before pulling you gently out of there, taking a paper bag from the waitress before the both of you walked out the door.

Will was quiet on the way home, even though he glanced at you a few times, to which you just returned a quiet smile.

It was only when the both of you had crossed the threshold into the apartment that Will spoke. “Y/N, look, I’m sorry. I should never have inflicted Brad on us.”

You smiled, shaking your head as Will put the bag down. “It’s fine, Will.” You shrugged.

Will looked back at you.

You barely had any time to register the look of frustration on his face when he spoke again. “That’s enough, Y/N!”

You’d been with Will long enough to know it was a look of frustration more than anger, but his raised voice still made you freeze in your tracks.

“Do you realize that’s the one thing you’ve said to me over and over? It’s okay, I’m fine, It’s nothing. But that’s all they are! They’re words. Words you don’t even mean!” Will’s frustration seemed to be pouring out now, the words cutting into you.

And before you could stop yourself, for the first time ever, you snapped back at him. “What do you want me to say Will? He’s your friend. Am I supposed to tell you I’m upset? That what he said struck a chord with me? That I didn’t need to hear all of that, because I know. I know you could do better! But what the hell am I supposed to do?”

You felt the dread spread through you as the last sentence left your lips in half a sob. You’d done it. Now, you’d really ruined it.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Will said, his tone still sharp as he swept his hands out to make a point.

And instinctively, you flinched.

Will froze, his hands still in midair.

You froze as well. Just tonight alone, you’d unconsciously shown Will more negative sides of yourself than you had over the past two years.

“Y/N…”

You felt the tears spring to your eyes and you dropped your gaze, stepping back gently away from him.

The frustration fell off his face, the frown in his eyebrows now only signifying worry as the realization hit him and his frown deepened.

“This is what you haven’t told me, isn’t it?” Will said quietly, no trace of the frustration or anger in his voice any longer.

You didn’t answer him, your eyes still cast downwards. “I’m sorry.” You whispered, a tear sliding off your nose.

“You should have told me.”

You dragged your eyes up to look at him uncertainly as a little sigh escaped your lips, the tears pooling in your eyes once again. “I hate myself for being like this.”

Will didn’t say anything, like he was waiting for you to go on.

When you didn’t say anything, Will filled the silence again.

“You could have told me.” Will repeated, his voice more gentle now as he squeezed. “If I had known…”

You closed your eyes, preparing yourself for the inevitable. You should have known that no matter what you did, things would always have ended up like this. Will was going to tell you that he was going to go, that things were over.

Then you felt it, his hand closing around yours gently.

Your eyes flew open in surprise, meeting Will’s sad ones.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you. If I had known, I wouldn’t have pushed you. I’m sorry, Y/N. I…”

Your eyebrows bunched together as you tried to process what Will was telling you.

Will paused now, reading your expression. “You…”

Will let out a short breath, before he gently pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m not him.”

“I know.” You whispered, even though your voice was muffled into his shoulder.

“And I’m not going anywhere.” Will’s voice was firm, even though his voice was still gentle. “You’re not getting rid of me.”

You felt the tears well up in your eyes again, even though they were almost immediately soaked up by the shirt that Will had on.

Emboldened slightly by the fact you hadn’t pushed him away, Will tightened his arms gently around you, pulling you even closer to him and cradling you against him. “We’ll take it one step at a time alright?”

Will pulled away gently so he could look at you before he continued speaking. “For the record, you can always tell me when you’re upset. I love it when you’re happy, you know, the way your eyes crinkle when you’re laughing, or the sparkle in your eyes when you’re really smiling. But I’m here for everything, Y/N. The good, the bad, the ugly. It’s okay to tell me if you had a bad day, it’s even okay for you to curse people out with me. I love you. All of you.”

You blinked back at him, the tumble of words he’d just uttered now just hanging in the air between the both of you.

“Everything?” You asked, a little tentative now.

“Everything.” Will affirmed. “I know it’s not going to be easy for you. But we can take this one step at a time, alright?”

You nodded quietly, your eyes looking back up at him.

“Maybe the next time I see Brad I’ll punch him.” Will said, which made you laugh.

You shook your head, stepping back in for another hug. “Jay will kill you if he has to bail you out.” You responded, laying your head gently against his chest.

Will gave a grunt of acknowledgment before he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his arms snaking around you in a tight hug once again.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

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[mmirx]

Promise

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Requested: no

Summary: Y/N overhears a comment Natalie makes about their relationship. Later, Y/N witnesses a scene that makes her a little uncomfortable.

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: Not a Natalie friendly fic

A/N: Again, I want to emphasize that this is not a Natalie/Man*tead friendly fic so read at your own risk! I set sometime during Season 2 during the time Natalie is dating Clarke. I’ve been wanting to write something like this for ages but I didn’t have the courage to so… I rewatched early Med and got back in my feels lol. Also an anon requested something similar while my requests were closed. Thank you bestie @sheetsonfire for beta-ing <3

WILL HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Is the offer for drinks still on the table?”

That’s how it had all begun. You remembered it, as if it was just yesterday.

It wasn’t as if you’d never seen the way Will looked at Natalie but you’d figured you had nothing to lose by asking him out for drinks. And you knew that when he’d come back to see if the offer was still standing, it probably had something to do with the fact that Natalie and Clarke were spending a lot more time together.

But there was also something different, like he was much more determined.

Will had surprised you with how forthcoming he seemed when you went for drinks, and somehow very naturally, a few more drinks over a couple of months later, the two of you were here, a couple that had just made a very important decision about 24 hours ago.

“Y/N?”

You glanced sideways at Will Halstead, a smile spreading across your face. Your Will Halstead.

“You gonna get off and go to work?” Will teased, before he paused. “You’re okay, right?”

You smiled and nodded. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Will asked gently, one of his hands reaching to the back of your head gently.

You shrugged. “About the first time we went for drinks.”

Will gave a small confused frown, even though the smile lingered on his face, as he waited for you to explain.

You just smiled. “Just marveling at how we got here.” You answered, glancing at him. “I’ll see you back at the... our apartment tonight.”

The smile on his face widened as you answered his unspoken question.

Moving in together seemed like both a great and horrible idea at the same time, especially considering that it felt like something that needed a lot more consideration. But other than the fact that you’d both be saving a lot of money, it was also something that you felt was important in order to understand each other as a couple, which was what you had also communicated clearly to Will the night before.

Your last relationship had been a car wreck. You’d been ready to marry him, or so you thought. Until you’d moved in together and everything fell apart piece by piece. In hindsight, you knew that the problems had always existed, that you’d been ignoring them until they couldn’t be ignored. But that didn’t change the fact that you’d wasted 6 years of each others’ time.

So you’d decided that if and when you entered into a new relationship, this was something you should try out early on. You’d expected Will to turn you down so you were pleasantly surprised when Will was game for it. And here you were now.

You turned to leave but Will’s hand closed around your wrist, tugging you back towards him. “Forgetting something?”

You let out a chuckle as Will gave you a kiss. “See you later.” He whispered, his eyes lingering on you as you quietly alighted, slipping into the crowd of hospital staff that were coming in for their shift as well.

It wasn’t any surprise that the news of you and Will moving in together moved quickly, not that you were trying to keep it a secret.

In fact, you thought everyone was handling the news pretty well. Will had already been in a good mood but now, bolstered by everyone's well wishes, he had offered to buy drinks at Molly’s that night and asked both your friends to stop by if they could.

You felt pretty good about how everything was panning out, until you went down to the ED later that day.

You weren’t on your ED rotation this week so you weren’t expected to be down in the ED but you’d been paged about one of your frequent flyer so you’d gone down to take a look. You’d just stopped by one of the computers to key in what you needed to, bending to pick something off the ground when you heard it.

“Moving in together for convenience? A little weird, don’t you think?” Natalie’s voice was low but you were close enough to hear every word.

You exhaled quietly, your hand closing around the pen you’d just picked off the floor.

“I’m just looking out for Will.” Natalie’s voice continued, probably responding to a silent expression Maggie had given her. “He’s my friend and she…”

Just as you were wondering if you could slip away without being noticed, Connor blew your cover. “Y/N, you okay?”

You couldn’t even be mad at Connor.

“Yeah, pen took a nosedive.” You said in a quiet voice, getting to your feet.

At least Natalie looked sheepish, you noted, unable to stop yourself from glancing at her before you left the ED.

Connor fell into step next to you, both of you heading towards the elevator and you glanced at him as the both of you stepped in. “What?” You asked, feeling his eyes on you.

Connor raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

You nodded, not sure how much Connor had heard or picked up on. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” You said, shrugging.

“You coming to Molly’s later?” You asked as the doors opened on your floor.

Connor smiled. “For you and Will? Absolutely.”

You waved, as the doors closed and you headed further into the ward, ready to put whatever you’d heard out of your mind.

“Hey, you okay? You seem a little…” Will paused. “Distracted.”

Will called back for your attention and you glanced back at him, giving him a smile before you shook your head.

“Just a weird day.” You answered him, your eyes drifting over to where Natalie was sitting with Clarke just a table away.

Thankfully, Jay arrived to interrupt both of you and you were grateful that the night was spent in laughter with the Halstead brothers. This was definitely much better than a party. Will paid for almost everyone’s drinks and people stopped by yours and Will’s table to chat but other than that you weren’t really the center of attention.

Natalie cast a few glances at you but you didn’t say anything. You hadn’t even said anything to Will, and she’d probably figured it as well, as she gave you a polite smile.

You just nodded back at her before you turned your attention back to what Jay was saying.

Things were going so well, you found it a little hard to believe yourself.

You’d mentally psyched yourself for something, well, anything to knock you and Will off balance. But it hadn’t, not really. Sure, it felt a little strange at first but every morning when you woke up next to Will, it reinforced your belief that everything would be okay.

You’d gotten all the way up to the ward when you realized that you were still holding Will’s phone.

Shaking your head at yourself, you took the elevator right back down, heading towards the ED where you’d left Will.

You took a quick glance around the ED, realizing he must still be in the doctor’s lounge and headed straight there, pushing open the door almost naturally.

Will’s back was to you as he spoke in a quiet voice to Natalie, Natalie’s hand on his arm.

You hadn’t felt anything in particular until Will turned and his expression changed. You felt your heart twist but your expression didn’t, and you raised his phone. “You left your phone with me.”

You gave him a forced smile and turned to leave, feeling the air grow heavier with awkwardness.

“Y/N. Wait.”

Will took a few more steps, catching up to you easily just as you stepped out of the lounge. He grabbed your arm gently and turned you back around to face him.

“Y/N, listen.”

“Will.” You warned, reminding him you guys were not alone. “We’ll talk later, alright? I’m late.”

You paused, hesitating before you reached forward, pushing yourself onto your toes to give him a quick kiss, leaving without saying anything more.

You couldn’t shake the look on Will’s face - a look that was almost guilty. It was that look that haunted you for the rest of the day so you were grateful for a busy day full of surgeries, consultations, rounds, anything you could get your hands on. It wasn’t so much that work kept your mind occupied, more that it cleared it.

So by the time your shift was over, you were ready.

You met Will by the doors as usual, throwing him a small smile, even though the atmosphere seemed a little more awkward but you didn’t say anything until you got in the car, throwing him a casual “let’s order in” before Will nodded and drove the both of you back to the new apartment you now shared.

There was silence for a bit as you took off your jacket and Will glanced at you.

“Y/N, please say something.” Will said in a quiet voice.

You glanced up, before you frowned. “What?”

“Say something. Anything. Scream at me, do something, don’t… don’t shut me out.” Will’s voice shook a little at the end and you looked him directly in the eye.

“I’m not mad, Will. I’m not pissed.” You said, your voice even now. “I’ve thought it through.”

Will angled his head to the side a little, the way he did when he was confused.

“Look, I get it. It’s Natalie.” You said, unable to stop the tinge of sadness from lacing your words as you spoke, watching his expression change. “Just promise me one thing, Will.”

Will didn’t say anything.

“Just promise me that you’ll tell me when it’s over. Don’t make me guess, don’t leave me hanging.” You said, the words slipping out so fast you felt like you didn’t have control over what you were saying and you caught yourself wishing you’d had this conversation before you moved in.

“What are you talking about, Y/N?”

“Just promise me, Will. I’m fine with everything else, just…”

Will stepped forward, reaching for your hand and closing it around yours. “Nothing is over. I’m not… I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

You remained silent so Will continued. “Natalie and me, that’s… it’s in the past. Nothing ever happened and nothing will happen.” Will paused before he continued. “She was checking in on me. To make sure everything was going well, and I told her that it was. It was going perfectly and I have never been happier, so…”

“I trust you, Will.” You said, smiling now. “I do, one hundred percent. I’m not mad, I just… it just got me thinking, you know? About losing you, about everything.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Will said, his voice low now as he pulled an arm to your back and pulled you against him.

You gave him a look and Will sighed. “Fine, I promise.”

You nodded but Will shook his head to tell you he wasn’t done. “But what you're worried about is not going to happen. You're not going to lose me.”

You just smiled, as Will’s fingers closed gently around your hand. “I’m sorry if I was weird today.”

Will shook his head. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I would trust you with my life, Will Halstead.” You whispered.

Will cupped the side of your face, his thumb resting on the side of your face, the rest of his hand resting along your neck before he pressed his lips gently against yours.

“I love you.” Will whispered.

You looked up at him, blinking. Knowing he’d caught you by surprise, Will grinned before he easily lifted you up into his arms, laughing as you squealed in surprise but quickly pressing his lips over yours.

“I love you too.” You answered, as you hooked your legs around his waist before he continued the kiss, this time the kiss going deeper before he headed straight for the bedroom the both of you shared, your lips still pressed together.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

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Character taglists are open!

[mmirx]

I’ll Take Care Of You

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Requested by anon: reader comes back home with her boyfriend Will after one year being away. she tries to hide the fact that she feels sick to Will so he doesn’t worry, but he soon realizes about it. he takes her to the hospital against her will, and there he treats her of the anemia he discovers she’s suffering. also, reader is afraid of doctors, and Will is really worried about reader’s health.

Warnings: anxiety, mentions of illness, fluff

A/N: Received a specific request to write for Will so I thought I would try this out! Please let me know what you think, if I should write more for Will too? Am in no way a doctor or nurse so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes in medical terminology or situations! Even so, hope you like this one! Taglists are open!

*gif not mine*

—

“Y/N?”

You looked up from where you were sitting on the floor in front of his apartment, although you could already imagine the look on Will’s face. You smiled, getting to your feet as he ran towards you, pulling you into his arms and nuzzling his face into your neck.

It had been a year. One whole year since you had been forced to leave Chicago for work. Professionally, it had been good for you. It was good career progression and all that crap your boss had forced down your throat but it had been difficult for you as well. Leaving your friends, your family, your boyfriend behind.

“When did you get back?” Will asked, gently pulling himself away to look at you.

You smiled. “I came straight from the airport.” You paused, “I hope that’s alright.”

“It’s better than alright.” Will answered, pulling you into another hug. “Come on.”

Will fumbled with the keys for a while before he pushed the door open.

The moment the door was closed, Will pushed his lips down onto yours, as you felt the rush of warmth from just being near Will – a feeling you hadn’t had in a year, and the feeling that you had missed the most.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Will whispered.

You looped your arms around his waist, pushing yourself closer to his chest. “So am I.”

—

Keep reading

[mmirx]

“It made me think of you.” will halstead × reader : a video of a hedgehog running into glass repeatedly

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

#15: It made me think of you

You could feel Will’s eyes on you as he looked up from the video but you couldn’t stop giggling as you rolled around in bed.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Will asked, his eyebrows scrunched together like he was trying to understand the joke.

You shrugged. “It made me think of you.”

“How is a hedgehog colliding into glass repeatedly me?”

You couldn’t help the next giggle that ripped out of you before Will pounced on you, pinning you between him and the bed.

You were still laughing. “Why don’t you ask Connor tomorrow and tell me if he agrees with me?”

Will rolled his eyes. “I am not asking Connor whether he agrees with my girlfriend that I’m a dumb hedgehog.”

“A cute hedgehog.” You corrected, smiling up at him. “Get the right adjective.”

[mmirx]

Hold Me

Pairing: Will Halstead x Pregnant!Reader

Request by anon: Hello!!! :) can you do a Will Halstead x Reader where the reader is pregnant and is sleeping alone after a huge fight with Will who’s now sleeping on the couch but she ends up having a really bad nightmare?

Word Count: 454

Warnings: pregnancy, nightmares, fluff

A/N: I’m sorry, I know I haven’t written Will in a while! Will fics aren’t as popular but I swear that’s not the reason, I just… haven’t had a lot of inspiration lately. But here it is! I didn’t drag it out too long so this is going to just be another drabble. Let me know what you guys think!! Also I promise I’ll cut more Will gifs haha, couldn’t find a suitable one so not posting one this time.

WILL HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

—

Will had snapped at you, for the fourth time this week and you’d had enough. Seriously, you were starting to wonder if he was the hormonal one. So you’d told him in no uncertain terms that there was no way he was coming to bed with that attitude.

“Fine.” Will had said, grabbing the extra sheets and storming out towards the couch.

Now Will sighed as he lay on the couch in the living room, looking up at the ceiling. He’d been having a tough time at work, but he also knew that it wasn’t fair for him to bring those emotions home to you. Yet, he’d done it, he’d snapped at you again.

Will sighed as he turned over, tucking his arm under his head, when a whimper from the bedroom made him raise his head.

“Y/N?” Will called out cautiously, not sure if he had misheard. He paused, before he heard it again.

Will clambered off the couch, heading straight for your shared bedroom. You’d left the bedroom door slightly ajar, which he knew you only did when he wasn’t in bed with you.

“Babe?”

You were lying in bed on your side, a frown across your features as you whimpered and your frown deepened.

“Y/N, wake up.” Will whispered as he bent down next to your bed.

As your breathing quickened, Will reached out as your eyes snapped open.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Will whispered, wiping a tear that had rolled down the side of your face.

“Will?” You whispered, your voice shaking.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” Will soothed.

You reached out for him and Will immediately scooted towards you, taking you into his embrace. “Bad dream?” He asked, wrapping his arms around you as you lay in his arms.

You nodded, pulling him against you tighter. “Where the hell were you?” You whined.

Will smiled, figuring that this was not the time to remind you that you had kicked him out of the room. “Sorry babe, I’m here.” He bent down to press his lips onto the top of your head.

“You want to talk about it?” Will asked after a prolonged silence.

You raised your head at him, your hand gently stroking your belly. “I only have them when you’re not here.”  

Will frowned. “This happens regularly?”

“Only when you’re not here.” You repeated. “But I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Will studied you for a while more but nodded, “We don’t have to talk about it, alright? But you have to tell me if it gets bad. Okay?”

The fight long forgotten, you clung to Will. “Stay with me?””

Will smiled, bending down to give you another kiss. “I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

 —

FEEDBACK KEEPS ME WRITING! SHARE WITH ME YOUR FAVOURITE LINE/PART OR WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT!

FOREVER TAGLIST

@nocturnalherb16 | @supreme-doritos | @pinkrockstar19 | @isthatmaryanna | @zizzlekwum | @fan-girl-in-denial 

WILL HALSTEAD TAGLIST

@winterberryfox | @bestillmystuckyheart | @jayhlstead | @winterreader-nowwriter | @skyofficialxx | @starlight-halstead | @wondermoonn | @veronicapaula | @teti-menchon0604 | @celyndavies | @papiazullll8 | @lorenakaspersen | @carnationworld | @anotherfan07 | @anakinskyvader | @virtualreader | @one-sweet-gubler | @justanoffalygirl | @securityfriendly-jay 

If you would like to be added to a taglist, you may request here !

[mmirx]

5 Times You Held Back + 1 Time You Didn't Have To

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Requested: no

Summary: Five times you held back, and the one time you didn’t have to

Word Count: 3K+

Warnings: not Natalie Manning friendly, not Manstead friendly

A/N: Got into my protect Will Halstead feelings and this is the result. Thanks to @seatsbythepit for being the angel she is and beta-ing for me! Also tagging @squadmuse because she wanted it! Anyway edited this at 1am so all mistakes are mine!

WILL HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

1

Today was it.

You’d told yourself you’d do it. You would tell Will how you felt.

You’d grown up with the Halsteads and the brothers had taken you under their wing. You’d been almost inseparable since that first day, other than the time both Will and Jay had left Chicago for other pursuits. But that hadn’t changed much of anything. Your bond with the Halsteads was a constant.

They were the older brothers you never had, the family you yearned for. Until the day you realized you’d fallen for Will. You’d fallen so hard that there wasn’t even a way out of it.

And only that idiot Will had absolutely no idea. Even Jay had picked up on it, but Will was clueless.

You needed to rip the band aid out, so you’d decided that it was better to get it over with.

You’d headed straight down from the wards once you’d looked in on your patient, hoping to catch Will.

You stepped out of the doors, noticing Will and Natalie almost immediately. You were already heading for them when they stepped toward each other and you knew what was coming. But it was like being unable to tear your eyes away from a car wreck you knew was going to happen.

So you stood there, like a complete idiot, as you watched Natalie step up to Will, her head angled in what you knew was a kiss.

Next thing you knew, before it happened, someone had spun you around.

Jay stared back at you with concern only an older brother would have filling his eyes.

His eyes snapped back upwards for just a second before he gave a small smile. “Come on, let’s go.”

You didn’t say anything, just let Jay lead you to your car. You sat in the passenger’s seat for a while and Jay glanced at you. “You okay?”

You turned to give him a smile. “Yeah, of course. It’s not like Will and I…” You let your voice trail off and you turned away.

Jay just started the car and drove off, leaving his older brother behind.

2

You knew this day would come. The day Will would sit you and Jay down and tell you he was engaged.

You always knew it.

But you hadn’t expected to feel like you’d been stabbed in the middle of your chest.

Jay was no help because he hadn’t even warned you, even though you knew for a fact that the ring sitting on Natalie’s finger now had been at Jay’s apartment a week ago.

Then, of all things, you had to overhear Natalie and Will talking about the wedding.

“A church wedding, a reception… I’ve done all that before.”

You’d been staying out of their business but those words seemed to find you like a heat-seeking missile.

It was hard enough dealing with your overwhelming feelings for Will as he was planning a wedding with a girl he was head over heels in love with. But hearing such a comment really got under your skin.

You couldn’t really believe your ears. Even if this was Natalie’s second marriage, you wondered why she hadn’t considered that it was Will’s first. His excitement was almost contagious. At least it would have been if you weren’t so overwhelmingly and stupidly in love with him.

You wanted to tell Natalie that she was being immensely selfish, that she had no idea how good she had it and a few other choice words but you swallowed them all down and turned away.

You smiled a little when you heard Will stand up for himself, just glad he wasn’t going to give in, but you didn’t turn around, merely walking away to join some of the other doctors in your department.

After all, there was nothing you could say.

3

You felt you’d handled everything great overall, especially after everything that had happened.

Every time you felt you could do this, Will would pull something crazy on you that made you need to take a step back. Be it his engagement, his wedding, his disappearance, or witness protection.

Even when he’d returned, you’d found out from Jay first because he’d naturally gone to Natalie.

You couldn’t even be pissed because you were so relieved he was okay.

Then, he showed up at your door.

“Will?”

You glanced at the clock on the wall. “It’s the middle of the night. You okay?”

Will nodded. “Look, Jay’s on assignment. Can I crash here tonight?”

You frowned but stepped backward to let him in. “Yeah, of course.”

You’d gotten the couch ready for Will as best as you could before getting him a beer. “What’s up?”

“Natalie kicked me out.” Will said quietly.

You froze. “What?”

You thought you’d heard him wrongly. Because if you were Natalie, you’d put him in your arms immediately, you’d take in every moment you had with Will and you’d just be glad he was home, back in Chicago, safe and sound.

You swallowed, pushing the thoughts back down because you couldn’t allow yourself to go there. Not now, because no matter what this was, it didn’t change the fact he was still engaged to Natalie.

You’d never particularly liked Natalie. You hadn’t disliked her, you just didn’t have much of an opinion. Until this moment.

You hadn’t even been resentful when she’d shown up with Will on the night you’d set aside for the Halsteads although Jay was a little irritated but you knew he was just being protective. You hadn’t even felt much when she handed you the wedding invitation at work but tonight?

You felt it now, the annoyance that coursed through your veins as you looked back at Will sitting on your couch. You were glad to have him back of course, but he wasn’t the Will that had left. Jay had reminded you it was to be expected, and you knew that but seeing the unfamiliar lines of anxiety across his face felt unsettling and you hated it.

But to throw your fiancé out on the first night he was home?

You couldn’t understand any of this.

The urge to tell Will everything you felt was pulsating through you, so you swallowed and patted his arm.

“Get some sleep.”

“Thanks Y/N.”

You could only force a smile.

4

“Will?”

You felt it, the fear clawing at you when you saw him running in carrying Natalie, blood running down his face.

“Oh God, Will…”

“I’m fine!” Will snapped.

You’d never shied away from a fight with Will, feelings or no feelings but this wasn’t the first time he’d snapped at you since Natalie had broken things off and returned his mother’s ring to him.

You knew things had been hard for him. You weren’t sure if it was worse being Will who had been dumped, or if it was worse to be you, forced to watch Will pine after Natalie even after it was clear she’d moved on as easily as if they hadn’t almost gotten married.

It was probably worse to be you, considering the only thing you could do was divert his attention and anyone who knew Will knew that it was like fighting a losing battle.

You wanted to tell him he deserved better. You wanted to tell him how you’d never make him feel the way he felt now. You were even down for a drinking and bitching session.

But Will wasn’t ready for it.

So, you could only hang there quietly in the background, making sure Will knew you were there when he needed you.

But the fact he’d snapped at you right now, when he could barely stand straight, his face still stained with blood, unable to tear his eyes away from the room Natalie was in, just felt like it was adding insult to injury.

You felt the worry switch to hurt, then annoyance and borderline anger before you turned away. You motioned at one of the nurses, who nodded at you.

You didn’t tell Will you were leaving but you left word at the nurses’ station for them to leave Connor a message. At least he’d have a harder time fighting Connor.

You left the hospital, making the turn toward a bar near your place. You didn’t feel like going home to an empty apartment, but you didn’t feel like going to Molly’s where everyone knew you either.

You hadn’t gone too far when Jay had called, asking if you heard about Will and if you could pick him up.

Holding back a sigh, you agreed and turned right back around to drive back to the hospital.

You found Will upstairs, standing over Natalie, right before Philip walked right up to Will. You couldn’t hear exactly what you were saying but the argument was clear.

“Get out of my face.” Will growled, just as you slid yourself between them.

“Back off.” The two words slipped through your gritted teeth as you glared at Philip. This guy had always given you the creeps.

You turned back to look at Will. “Both of you.”

Then, you gently pushed Will out of the room.

“Y/N…”

You didn’t look directly at him. “I’m only here because Jay called. Come on, I’ll take you back.”

Ignoring the way his gaze lingered on Natalie, you stepped towards the lifts first, jamming your hands back into your pockets.

The only other thing you said to him that night was, “It’s not your fault.”

You didn’t let Will answer before you closed Jay’s apartment door on him, turning to return back to yours.

5

You had come down to the ED since Will had asked you to wait for him so you could go for drinks, the awkwardness from the night of the accident long lifted. But he’d started without you, because you’d spotted them already drinking. However, before you could step into the lounge, Will burst out, running right past you.

“Will!” You yelled, but he didn’t even hear you.

And you knew that wasn’t a good sign.

You stopped just long enough to ask Crockett what had happened before you were tearing out after Will as well.

On a good day, Will couldn’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.

It used to be a running joke with you and Halstead brothers that one day Jay would hold him down and you would sew his mouth shut. That way he’d stop getting himself into trouble.

And today was definitely not a good day.

Especially not that Will’s gut feeling had been proven right - Philip was lying to Natalie.

You made it out just in time to hear Will and Natalie talking, so you hesitated. This didn’t seem like a conversation you should be involved in.

You were about to turn around and leave when the next words out of Natalie’s mouth made you freeze in your tracks.

“I can take care of myself! Just get out of my life!”

You spun around, pretty sure your mouth was agape.

You could see the hurt in Will’s eyes even from this distance and you felt the anger bubble up in your gut.

But you also knew you needed to prioritize.

You stepped right up to Will, not even aware if Natalie had already walked off and closed your hand around his wrist. “Come on, let’s go.”

Will didn’t move for a second, like he was still processing.

You felt that urge bubble up to the surface once again, the one where you wanted to run to Natalie and shake some sense into her. Better yet, you wanted to tell her exactly what you thought of her and how she treated the people around her.

But there was a strange look in Will’s eyes that you’d never seen before. So, you didn’t move, just waited, your hand still clasped tightly around his wrist.

And once again, you didn’t say anything.

1

Things had been strangely quiet since that confrontation Will had had with Natalie.

They avoided eye contact in the ED, even though there were a few times you caught Will looking in her direction, like he was considering talking to her.

That had only lasted a few days, however.

It could have had something to do with the conversation you and Will had had about finally moving on, or the fact that Natalie still looked at him coldly as if Will was the one who had lied to her or hurt her.

But no matter what, Will did seem to be moving - in a direction opposite from Natalie.

It felt like you’d finally gotten your friend back.

You’d been spending a lot of time together, that Jay had teased you about making it way too obvious that you only wanted to hang out with Will.

But there was something different.

You couldn’t really pinpoint it - maybe it was the way he stood a little too close, or maybe it was the way he laughed, but something felt different, especially as he seemed to finally put her down.

Then, it came. One night, the both of you were standing on the roof, watching a video that one of Will’s patients had sent to him when you heard her call out to him.

“Will, can we talk?”

You felt your heart sink. Of course, the familiar taste of rejection that you’d almost learned to live with, but also the dread that this was happening once again.

You pulled back from Will a little, only just realizing how close the both of you were standing with each other.

You gave Will a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes and said quietly, “I’ll see you downstairs.”

To your surprise, Will reached out, his hand closing gently around your wrist.

You didn’t miss Natalie’s eyes flicking toward his hand, but you were just as surprised so you glanced back at him.

Will didn’t seem to know what to say then he gave you a small smile. “It won’t take long.”

You nodded, turning to leave.

Natalie didn’t even wait for you to be out of earshot before she began.

“I remember, Will. I remember the night of the accident. I was coming to tell you that I was wrong, that I was really unfair to you… and that I love you.”

It was an instinctive reaction as you froze, one foot in front of the other.

But you didn’t stick around to hear Will’s answer, pushing yourself out the door by sheer willpower.

You decided you didn’t really want to wait for Will. There was no point in sticking around just to have your heart broken anyway. But the universe seemed to have a problem with your decision and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion around you, even the lift was exceedingly slow today.

Fucking Murphy.

You’d finally stepped toward the carpark, heading straight for your car when a hand closed over your wrist, pulling you back.

You looked back into Will’s eyes as you turned around, your heart sinking. You really didn’t need this now.

Your eyes must have betrayed you because Will’s expression changed. “I need to tell you something.”

You pulled your arm gently out of his grasp and shook your head. “Not now, Will. I don’t need to hear it now.”

“Yes, you do.” Will said, his voice pressing a little firmly.

Swallowing down the urge to snap at him, you turned to face him. “Look, it’s not any of my business who you see. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

A small frown crossed Will’s face and he took half a step back. Then, as if he’d made some sort of decision all on his own, he glanced back at you again.

“It is your business if you’re that person.” Will’s voice was low but you swore it felt like the entire temperature outside had shifted. You doubted your own ears as you blinked back at him.

Will continued, “When Natalie told me to get out of her life, I did. And it was… not what I expected. That was the best decision I ever made, Y/N. I finally… I finally realized what I was missing.”

You blinked back stupidly at him.

“I promise this isn’t some spur of the moment thing. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you but I just… it sounded stupid or insincere everytime I tried so I kept waiting for the perfect opportunity..” Will’s voice faded a little, his eyes searching your face for some sort of indication.

When there was nothing, Will spoke again.

“Y/N, say something.”

You didn’t really know what to say because nothing seemed real.

You glanced up at Will again but you knew Will. He wouldn’t fuck around with something like this. He was oblivious, that was clear. But ever since that mess with Nina, you also knew he’d never jump into something unless he’d sorted his own feelings out.

“Will, it’s always been… well, you.” You paused, taking a deep breath.

“You have no idea how many times I had to hold back. All the things I wanted to tell you. How was I supposed to tell you how I felt when you weren’t looking at me? How was I supposed to help you see that you deserved someone who loved and cared about you at least half as much as how you care about people around you? That you deserve to be protected too? But I couldn’t. I told myself that even if I had to be your best friend or younger sister for the rest of your life, you deserved to have someone who would be there for you, no matter how much it hurt…”

Will didn’t let you keep rambling on. Instead, he stepped forward, pulling you gently to fit your body against his, in the middle of the open carpark, and pressed his lips against yours.

It was hesitant at first, but when you responded, you felt Will fall into it as well, the kiss going deeper.

“I’m sorry I was an idiot. A blind idiot.” Will said, his voice low as he gently pulled away again.

You just smiled. “Better late than never right?”

Your teasing voice just made him smile and he circled his arms around you, pulling you tightly against him without saying anything else.

And you knew. You knew that you didn’t need to hold back any longer.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

Character taglists are open, hit me up if you would like to be added!

[mmirx]

the worst part of being a non-american on the internet is statistically you're probably going to make a lot of friends who ARE american and then you start getting crazy thoughts like "i should take a vacation to buttfuck tennessee" or "i wish i could immigrate to new jersey"

[mmirx]

“is he bothering you, ma’am?” the kind stranger asks as he approaches your table, a concerned look on his face as he eyes Satoru up and down, who so casually leans against the table with a smirk.

for the past hour, while you were busy typing in your laptop, Satoru happened to simply drop on the chair in front of you, rambling your ears out even though he knew you were not listening, “you’re gorgeous, do you have a boyfriend?” he asks, no response.

“oh, hard public, hm? that’s okay, you are still gorgeous, can I give you my number?” no response. yet his stupid little smirk stays present.

“your boyfriend is not worth your time, baby, you should date me instead”

“what are you drinking? want a refill?”

“did it hurt when you fell from—”

until the kind stranger interrupts, his eyes are cautious as he keeps them on the blue eyed, this time you speak with a sigh and little polite smile, “i’m fine, thank you, he’s my husband”

[mmirx]

We Only See Each Other At Weddings & Funerals

Ex!Spencer Reid x Lamontagne!Fem!Reader

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 18x03 CRIMINAL MINDS: EVOLUTION ‼️ you have been warned!!

Summary: When your brother dies suddenly, your ex shows up to support you at his funeral. And you’re left wondering maybe if you two are worth trying again.

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: oh where to begin- ‼️ MAJOR SPOILERS FROM SEASON 18 OF CRIMINAL MINDS: EVOLUTION ‼️ established exes, death and grief and crying, reader being a tough gorl, mentions of the prison arc, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of divorce, minor mentions of S13 and S15, lack of communication, reader left spencer a note when she left, lowkey mommy issues, angst angst angst, sadness, reader breaks down, spencer and reader have a talk, spencer and reader are also still in love with each other, kind of an open ending

Author’s Note: hey lovelies! consider this my comeback of sorts- i was inspired after last week’s episode 🤭 and this just came to be! shoutout to @thegloryofliterature emme, my wifey— for helping me with the idea AND the title hehe and thank you to @cerisereids belle, for proofreading this for me, don’t know where i’d be without you, love! 😘 anyways, pls enjoy this (or not because it is angst— also angst written by me is always tugging at the heartstrings so SORRY) i love you all <33

Never ever did you think this day would happen so fast. You’d hoped that maybe it’d be in the far, far future. Where you were old and grey and that it’d be in his sleep. And hopefully, you’d be right behind him in that bracket— maybe within a few years. But never ever did you think that you’d be here for your own brother’s funeral.

Will was still so young, still needed to be there to raise his boys, to spend so many more years happy with his wife and his family. He was your older brother by a few years and getting that phone call nearly destroyed you when you got it.

You don’t even remember where you were, just that you answered JJ’s call and she’d told you right then and there. You almost didn’t believe her, but JJ would never ever lie about something like that. Especially regarding your brother. You’d almost passed out hearing the news, remembering how JJ once told you that she’d frozen when she saw her sister’s body in the bathroom. You felt as if you reacted very much the same way.

It was a rare thyroid aneurysm— he’d collapsed in the kitchen at home and died shortly afterwards. You’d known about his health issues, but you knew that he was in the clear. He was seeing an oncologist, he was doing the checkups. He was being careful.

And today was the day of the funeral— you’d tried your best to hold it together, for JJ and the boys. They really needed someone right now and your mother certainly wasn’t helping. Since finding out that Will had health issues and being angry at you and JJ for letting Will keep it from her— she was making things more complicated than they needed to be.

You honestly had more things to worry about than her— like your brother’s funeral, for starters. You had no time for her shenanigans and childish antics, you’d much rather focus on the boys and JJ.

It’s times like these where you wished Spencer was here. He was your ex-husband of eight years. You’d met him at JJ and Will’s wedding all those years ago and well, you two just hit it off. You understood his hours, you understood how his job was important and work always came first. And you understood, deciding your career was just as important as his— you’d followed your brother’s footsteps, as well as your late father’s.

Eventually, you two got married and you moved in with him and you guys were happy.

But then prison happened. He was arrested for a crime he didn’t commit. But he’d spent a long and painful three months and it nearly destroyed him. You were there every step of the way. Even after when he got back and went through those night terrors and staying up all hours of the night with him.

But luckily, you’d had good news for him to look forward to when he got back from there. You were pregnant— nearly four months along. You’d held on for so long for him, giving your all and trying to keep him satisfied but no matter how much he said he was happy with the outcome, you could tell in his eyes he was scared.

Your rough patch continued, but you both faked your ways through it. You would do anything to keep him here with you, to be happy with you. And eventually, you guys would be how you were before, right?

If only you didn’t have the miscarriage.

You were utterly devastated. How could you miss someone you never met? Just two days prior of the miscarriage, Spencer was beginning to come out of his shell, talking to the baby for hours that day.

And somehow, when you lost the baby— it made him so close yet so far from you. You were in bed for weeks afterward. And he left you alone for the most part, afraid to hurt you even more than he had already— from his perspective.

You kept trying after that, surprisingly— but his job was another thing getting in the way of your marriage. He was reinstated after the whole situation with the prison and was supposed to take 30 days off after every case and you had been happy to spend more time with him when you had found out but Spencer seemed to be less than thrilled at the news.

You were tired of the same patterns over and over. And then, he was kidnapped by a cult. And that seemed to have been your final straw. You’d gotten into a big argument with him, completely frustrated at the fact that you had found out hours after the fact and that no one had told you a single thing. But Spencer was confused. Why were you making such a big deal about this?

Years ago, you’d talked about this. Communication was key in your relationship and you recognized there was a lack of that as of that moment. And it was then, it seemed like you were looking in the eyes of a total stranger.

You’d gone to bed angry that night and when Spencer woke up that next morning, he woke up to a cold bed, the closet nearly empty and a note on the marble counter.

I’m sorry.

You’d left him the way his father had. The way Gideon had. And he blamed himself for that. This one was on him.

He tried reaching out to you after that. But your phone number had been completely been out of service. Spencer later found out that you had crashed at JJ and Will’s for a few weeks before moving back to New Orleans.

Since then, you and Spencer had not talked. Or seen each other in years. Of course, you’d sent him divorce papers and you’d both signed them, finalizing it and leaving it as it was.

You’d moved on, going back to your old job as a detective at the police station in New Orleans, had a few casual hookups every now and then— but no one ever compared to Spencer. You’d actually loved Spencer. You thought about calling him every now and then, coming close to doing so one Christmas before stopping yourself. He was your person, through and through.

You’d called your brother once in a while, hoping for some scrap of news about Spencer since he and JJ were best friends. But nothing ever came up. Until one day, you’d finally asked.

And that was the day you found out about Max.

His new girlfriend— someone he’d been seeing for just a few weeks. And now you wished you hadn’t asked. He moved on.

And why were you sad about it? This was what you wanted, right? How could he be open to another woman after you? After how he treated you? You’d hoped he licked his wounds clean and you hoped he was happy finally but you wish he’d done it for you. Why couldn’t he do it for you? His wife of eight years? You didn’t ask about him again after that.

Eventually, you missed the city and moved back to DC when your lease ran out. You’d gotten a small studio apartment, keeping to yourself like a creature of habit, not wanting anyone except for close family to know you were back home here.

It was easier, especially knowing Spencer wasn’t working at the BAU as much anymore. So he wasn’t around too much. JJ had mentioned a sabbatical he was taking. A tiny part of you wondered why. What he was doing. But you kept that to yourself.

You’d mostly spent your days off, spending time with your nephews and your brother while JJ was off being a badass. And you were closer to them than ever.

Which was why it was so hard when Will passed. It was sudden. You didn’t prepare for this. It was your father all over again when he died in Hurricane Katrina. As if that wasn’t hard on you already, you had to lose your brother, too.

And as much as your heart ached and how scared and angry you were, you had to keep it together. You couldn’t afford to break down, not here and certainly not now.

You were exposed to the empathy and pity on everyone’s faces, something you were getting used to in these last few days— as much as you hated it. Penelope was probably more of a wreck than you, Emily became a mother figure of sorts— more than your own mother was, at least. Dave was always there if you needed to talk, everyone supported your family in every way. Just not the one that mattered the most to you.

Last you heard, Emily had told him about your brother. And he’d sent flowers. But that was it.

Eventually, Tara had come into the church, telling you your mother was still refusing to come inside and that you were the only person who hadn’t tried to get her to come in and to give it a try. With a deep sigh, you prepared for your mother’s antics and hoped she wouldn’t make a big fuss over this but it was your mother. You knew her better than anyone. And right now, she was your only person in your family still alive.

You walked outside, walking towards her as she remained seated on the bench she parked herself at, chin held high and that smug look on her face. You always hated that look. You crossed your arms as you approached her and stopped in your tracks, looking at her and it was funny, because she was barely looking at you.

“They told me you were still out here,” You spoke, the breeze flowing through— the silence of the wind more louder than the silence with your mother. You were tired of this, fighting with her like you had your whole life. You just wanted this day to be over already and with her acting the way she did, wasn’t any help. Rolling your eyes and poking your tongue into the inside of your mouth, you sigh— “Mama, I don’t wanna fight with you today, will you just come into the church?”

Connie silently shook her head and honestly, you were getting fed up. “Mama, you are not the only person that lost somebody today. It hurts and I know it does but you not going in there, dishonors Will’s memory and you’re just being childish. Like you always are.”

“Now, you’re starting to sound like JJ there.” Connie finally speaks. “You have no idea what I am going through. You have no idea how hard this is. To lose your child.” Oh, you knew just as well as she did what it was like to lose a child. You never told your mother about your miscarriage. The only person you did tell was JJ, since she’d gone through the same thing and she was the only person that understood.

You bit your tongue, wanting to tell your mother how wrong she was for this, how childish she was being. But you didn’t want to yell outside of a church and you didn’t want anyone to hear so instead, you shook your head. “Well, when you’re ready to get your head out of your ass, you will come in there and be there for your son. Because you know just as well as anybody that Will would want you there. So, come in, don’t come in— I could give less of a shit.” You wave a hand dismissively at her, walking away before she can even get a word in.

Walking back towards the church, you’re at the entrance and you take a moment to get yourself together when you feel eyes on you. You’re not sure what compels you to turn around but you do anyways. And you’re not sure if maybe your eyes are deceiving you or maybe you’re having some kind of psychotic break due to the death of your brother. That would be a better explanation than seeing Spencer Reid standing right there.

For a moment, you wipe your eyes and blink because maybe there is a possibility you are seeing things. After a few blinks, nope — he’s real. And he’s just as shocked to see you standing right there. Maybe not shocked, I mean, Will was your brother. Or maybe a little stunned, seeing you right here. And so soon, before he can even enter the church.

You both stand and stare at each other in disbelief. Your heart is beating out of your chest, dropped down to your stomach, you’re frightened— like a child on the first day of school. Of all days, for him to show up. You felt like you were dreaming. You had to have been, right? This was all just one big dream or nightmare you were living in. It had to have been, right?

And suddenly, he’s walking closer to you and it feels less of a dream now. He still looks the same as he once did in the past. You felt like you’ve aged five years in five days— meanwhile, he still looks the same as he did when he turned thirty. He still wears that same dopey purple scarf, that’s been torn and gotten smaller and thinner since the last twenty years he’s used it. His hair is still crazy and you wonder if he has mismatched socks underneath the suit he’s currently wearing. (The answer will always be yes).

Your heart pounds in your chest, thumping so loudly, you can hear it. Because he’s here— he’s standing in front of you. So far, no words are exchanged between the pair of you. You stare at him, eyes grazing every inch of him. He’s taller than you remember. He’s built more… adult-like, funny enough. Even in his fourties’, he still walks like a tall child.

Your mind floods of memories of when you two were together. Your firsts — first kiss, first date, first time together— then your lasts. Last kiss, last time you spoke, the last time you shared the same bed. Guilt still riddles at you with the fact that you left him in the form of a note. The way his father once had, he was so hurt about it when he once told you. And then for you to do the same? You’d hate yourself if you were him. You wouldn’t hold it against him if he had bad blood with you.

You open your mouth finally— “A-Am I… Am I dreaming?” It’s silly, the way that that’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth seeing him. You wondered what your first words would be to each other if you were to see each other again. Would he tell you to fuck off? Would he ignore you and walk in the other direction?

Who were you kidding? Spencer had enough class to not do this the day of your brother’s funeral. The person you were the closest to besides him for a long, long time.

“No, you’re not.” Spencer tells you softly and you stare at him, vision blurring but you try and hide it from him. He was the only person you felt the most vulnerable with. And now, he was here— on one of the worst days of your life.

You brought him inside of the church, met with JJ, Michael and Henry as JJ was helping with Michael’s suit. Henry was the first to see his godfather, nudging his head along as he told his mom— “Told you he’d come.”

JJ looks at her son, not bothering to look in your direction as she asks— “Who?” Henry nudged his head again and this time, JJ turned and was met with Spencer — standing next to you. She was just as flabbergasted as you, eyes blinking like you’d done, too.

“Spence…” Spencer moved forward as he went to give JJ a heartwarming hug. “You came.” You walk towards them as Michael and Henry say their hellos to their godfather and you stand behind as they hug in a group. You find yourself, pulling back from tearing up once more.

Eventually, Spencer excuses himself to go and find his seat in one of the aisles. JJ keeps a close eye on you— knowing it was most likely hard for you to see him again. But you kept a brave face, she gave you the credit for that.

You walked arm in arm with her down that aisle— Henry on your side and Michael on hers. You continued to keep your brave face on. As much as you were dying inside.

You sat in front of the BAU team— Dave, Emily, Penelope and newly joined Spencer beside Penelope— Spencer sitting directly right behind you. You felt his stares the whole time as everyone shared their stories and moments celebrating Will. You couldn’t even focus as Penelope shared her story of how Will asked her to let him help her move into her apartment— that was how your brother was. Sweet as he was.

Soon enough, it was your turn. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you held your paper of what you wanted to say in your hands. You take a deep breath as you stand up at the pew— looking down at your brother’s casket before looking up towards your audience. You almost wished your mother was here. But you knew better.

Looking down at your paper, you clear your throat— praying your voice wouldn’t sound as hoarse as it has been the last few days due to crying. You look down at your paper and examine your writing. Did you even mean any of these words? Were these even your words? You take a sharp breath before deciding to fold up the paper and look towards everyone.

“I remember when Will and I were little,” You start to go off-script. You had no idea where you were going with this, but it certainly had to be better than what you wrote down. “Uh, we used to live near a park. He and I would go on the swings and he’d push me and I’d push him. And one day, I fell off the swings, as I would— and I scraped my knee pretty bad. And Will, being the caring older brother he was— helped patch up my knee and even kissed it better. I think that describes the type of person he was.”

You look down at your hands before shaking your head. “I am just… so… angry.” You turn to his casket as you continue to keep holding on for the sake of everyone watching you. Spencer stares up towards you. You look so different now, you were the same but you were so different at the same time. Your exterior was guarded, more so than before he even started dating you.

Part of him wondered if maybe he should’ve even shown up today. He debated it over and over in his head. He didn’t want to stress you even more out than how you were before. You just lost your brother, and he had lost you a long time ago. He didn’t want to tear up old wounds. But the other part of him knew he had to be there. For JJ. For the boys. And for you. No matter what happened in the past, no matter what you gone through— he still loved and cared for you deeply. And he’d always be there, no matter what.

“Will, you were the best brother I could ever have. I knew one day I’d outlive you but I didn’t think it’d be this soon. It shouldn’t have been this soon.” You blink a few tears away. It really shouldn’t have been this soon. “You still have boys to take care of. You still have me to take care of. How could you leave like this? You were supposed to still be here.” Your voice catches in your throat and you feel a presence behind you. “I hate you.” You shut your eyes. “But I love you… and I hope that… wherever you are… you’re not hurtin’ anymore.”

Finally, you turn but you don’t see the person you thought it would be. That person being Spencer. But instead, your mother— who has finally decided to come in here and be the parent you wanted her to be all along during this whole thing. She holds your hand, assuring to you that you are not alone in this. That she is here. And that the moral of the story is that you’ve both lost someone that was important in both of your lives.

During JJ’s speech, the eyes linger on you. His eyes. You were still keeping it together, what was that? Spencer had known you to be a very emotional person— in all the years that he’s known you, you were. Maybe after your breakup, you’d had no tears left to cry.

He kept his distance as you walked out into the cemetery, arm in arm with your mother— as they laid Will’s body to rest. Even then, you still had dry eyes.

You stayed there.

Even when your mother left.

Even after your nephews did.

Hell, even after Spencer walked JJ back to the car, you were still there. And he wondered if you were ever going to move.

Then, there was a moment where you thought you were alone. You stood in front of the grave, numb to all of the events from the last few days. This didn’t feel the same as losing your dad when he did in Hurricane Katrina. This didn’t feel the same as when your pet hamster, Wubzy, died when you were eight. This death… was the hardest one you were ever going to face in your life, it seemed. No, nothing compared to this.

Although it very much felt like you were alone, you weren’t. Not really.

“I thought you left.” You spoke out loud.

You waited for silence. He couldn’t have been waiting there, behind you.

“I didn’t.”

Spencer’s voice echoed through the breeze and you stood still as you felt him gaining closer behind you. And when you finally turned around, he was at least six inches away from you. You looked up at him and took a small sigh.

“Will’s dead.” You stated, like you were coming to terms with it. You tried to take a breath again. You didn’t want Spencer to see you break. But you’d remembered something. He was the one person who saw you break over and over again. He was always there. So, when you looked him in the eyes… truly and completely crushed at the fact that your brother was gone— you broke down.

The barrier between pain and suffering had finally broken you down. And all because of Spencer Reid. He’d wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly like he remembered you liked when you were upset. You’d always felt safe in his arms. You told him that the first time he held you. You sobbed into the lapels of his suit, bawling like no one was watching. And he let you. Like he knew you needed.

Spencer worried the emotional you was gone. But no, you were just being strong for everyone. Like you always had been. You’ve hardened since the last he saw you. But he always knew you put other people above yourself. And sometimes, you forgot— you were only human, too.

And then, he’d stayed with you. The whole time. You’d found a bench nearby and he was your shoulder to cry on. You stayed like that for a while. You had the reception to go to after this, but… they could wait. Right now, they could. You needed this moment to yourself. And frankly, Spencer thought so, too.

He rubbed your back, stayed silent until you were ready to talk. Listened while you tried to talk through your tears. Eventually, you calmed down. And using his shoulder didn’t seem appropriate anymore once you gained the knowledge that you were doing it in the first place.

So, after that, you just sat there in silence— and that was better than anything else. He didn’t say a word, you didn’t either. But you knew you had to say something. I mean, you were married to the guy for five years. You at least owed him some kind of explanation. You hadn’t talked to him in years.

“You didn’t have to… be here, you know.” You tell him, in all honesty. And you didn’t just mean the funeral, you also meant here and now. You didn’t deserve his kindness after everything you did. Completely going AWOL in your marriage, without another word.

Spencer opens his mouth and nods, “I know.” He stated. “But I wanted to be here. For you guys.”

“Then you should be with JJ,” You stood. “She and the boys need you more than I do. And they deserve it more than I do.” Spencer knew what you were talking about the way you left.

When he found that note on the kitchen table the day you left, of course, for some time— he was hurt. He was angry, how could you leave like that without another word? But after time (and therapy) — he understood why you left. Why you couldn’t bring yourself to do face to face. He wasn’t exactly the easiest person to be around at the time. Hell, he would’ve left himself, too after how he treated things with you. How lost he was, how scared he was and how often he took it out on you. You deserved better than that and at the time, he wasn’t it.

Spencer stood behind you, walking towards you, grabbing your hand and making you turn towards him. Eyes locked on one another and never leaving each other’s gazes. “I was never mad at you for leaving.” He admitted. Sure, at one point he was — but what was the point in holding grudges anymore?

You shook your head as the tears brimmed in your eyes again. “I would be,” You said. “I would be mad at me.”

Spencer’s hand moves from yours to the apple of your cheeks. He didn’t regret you. Not for a damn minute. And standing here, right in front of you— opened his eyes once more. He still loved you and he was sorry. Things didn’t work out the first time and maybe they’d never work again but he loved you. He knew that much.

Of course, he didn’t want you to know that. Not today, not this week— certainly not anytime soon until you were ready to hear him. But standing here… with you— brought back everything he washed away instead of dealing with it. He dealt with it by leaving his feelings alone. And now, all of a sudden— everything he knew brought him back to you. Could you have been the missing variable in his life again?

“Y/n,” Spencer looked you in the eyes. “I was going through something I couldn’t wrap my head around at the time. And you were on the receiving end of most of that. I dealt with things… but so did you. Me going to prison, the miscarriage.” You pause at this. It’d been a long time since you thought about the miscarriage. How things fell apart after that. “I wasn’t easy to deal with. I know.”

“I still left.” You argue. You didn’t deserve him treating you with kid gloves— too bad he didn’t agree. “It doesn’t matter now.” Spencer told.

You sniffle, looking up at him— remembering him as he once was. The person you counted on, the person you were married to and wanted a family with. The person you loved— possibly forever.

“I don’t deserve you,” You admit, staring into his eyes. “I don’t think I ever did.”

Spencer tucks a strand of loose hair behind your ear. “You deserve every good thing in the world.” He tells. And he truly means it. He doesn’t want to open up those cans of worms so he seals the lid shut by wrapping his arm over yours so you can hold his arm. He always liked when you clinged to him in the past. And he was probably selfish to say that he still liked it now.

Spencer walked with you, your head resting on his shoulder as you made your way out of the cemetery, saying goodbye to your brother as well as saying goodbye to the pain, shame and guilt you’d had for years before finally talking to Spencer. Well, he mostly talked— you denied receiving anything from him because you felt as if you didn’t deserve it.

One day, maybe you’ll understand why he chose to forgive you. Maybe it was because of the day. Maybe one day, in the long run, he’d blame you. But for now, you could settle for being content— being in a good place with him. Like you yearned for over the years. You missed that. You missed him. And you missed how you two were.

And maybe one day, you’ll find your footing with him again. Maybe you two will get it right this time.

And if not? Well, you would just have to wait and see. And you were fine with waiting.

[mmirx]

lock and key | s.r.

in which an act of violence - and subsequent serious injury - brings the truth to the surface and initiates a change

margotober masterlist

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: abduction, car accident, knife, stabbing, stabbing with knife, greek mythology, jareau!reader, rewrite of 8x12 "zugzwang" (just because maeve isn't here doesn't mean i'm letting spencer get by trauma-free), the girls who get it, get it, secret relationship, hospitals, not proofread, yes the zugzwang thing gets dropped but that's because it was never the kidnapper it was always the replicator, did i miss something probably but i can't see straight rn word count: 4.86k a/n: i rewrote this entire fic because i decided i didn't like it two hours before it was supposed to go up. and now here we are. almost 5k words later. it's 2:30 a.m. going back to my jareau!reader roots and rewriting an entire episode.

He frowned at the text that you’d just sent him. Just one word, a chess term. Spencer wasn’t entirely sure you knew what it meant, more so, he wasn’t sure why you’d text it to him at seven-thirty in the morning.

He’d expected you to beat him to the office this morning, knowing you left his apartment before the sun had the chance to rise so you could get a fresh change of clothes and repack your go bag. Your apartment was closer to Quantico, so it wasn’t presumptuous of him to assume you would make it there first.

Spencer stood corrected when he walked in, finding your desk completely devoid of your active presence. He looked around for you briefly, knowing you sometimes liked to catch up on sleep in JJ’s old liaison office when you were the first to arrive in the morning, but all he found was your sister, a scowl on her face while she spoke with Hotch in his office.

The two of them noticed him lurking, Hotch opening the door and nodding at him in greeting, “Let’s meet in the roundtable room, Garcia’s waiting for us.”

“What’s going on?” Spencer asked, following them around the walkway to the briefing room, only receiving a shake of the head from JJ in response.

Penelope looked disturbed in a way that Spencer hadn’t seen her in years. That much made sense to him, the only reason Hotch would start a briefing before the rest of the team got here was if there was a case that matched the level of urgency. “This morning the FBI system was tripped because Y/N’s location was glitching. It flashed from Los Angeles to Moscow to Cancun until finally settling on an unmarked location somewhere in this general area.”

Spencer frowned, looking at the map that was being displayed on the screen in front of him, “That’s nearly eight hundred miles of ground to cover.”

Sighing, Garcia nodded, “Because of whatever the UnSub did to hack into the locator in her phone, we can’t get an accurate location. I’m working on refining it, but that could take hours.”

A pit settled in Spencer’s chest as he looked over at JJ, a dark, hollow look on her face as she stared at her phone. He couldn’t commiserate with her—nobody knew the two of you were even dating. “JJ,” Hotch spoke up, “You were the last person to see her before you left yesterday, did she say anything about going to meet someone or do anything?”

JJ blinked in confusion, “No, she didn’t tell me about any plans or…” Her voice trailed off, “I think she was seeing someone knew. She’s been acting different, being cagey about plans.”

Blake and Rossi walked into the bullpen, their arrival catching Hotch’s attention as he stepped out of the roundtable room to speak with them. Spencer followed, “Hotch.”

“I know, Reid,” he said, holding his hand up in a waiting gesture. Of course, he did, because in your tirade to hide your relationship from the general public, you had insisted on telling Hotch, wanting to get the HR paperwork out of the way.

Spencer sighed, the pit in his chest growing exponentially as he turned back into the roundtable room, slipping his phone out of his pocket and handing it to Garcia, “I got a text this morning from Y/N,” he explained, his eyes following his teammates as they filtered into the room. “It came in after her phone’s location was hacked.”

Shaking her head, JJ looked over at Spencer, “Why would she text you first thing in the morning?”

He shrugged in response, “I’m not entirely sure,” he half-lied. “I do know what the word used in the message means. Zugzwang. It’s the term used in chess when a player realizes they’ll inevitably be checkmated.”

“When did the two of them break up?” Hotch asked, looking over at JJ for the answer to his question.

They were headed to speak with your ex-boyfriend, there was nothing they had found that would implicate him in your disappearance, but it was the best chance they had at a lead. Spencer bit his tongue to stop himself from revealing the answer.

JJ hummed, “A while ago, a year maybe? She didn’t really talk about it, one day, she just stopped bringing him up.”

Sixteen months, nearly to the date, it was a few days past at that point since the night you’d called Spencer in tears, needing him to pick you up from the same house that the SUV was pulling up to now. The two of you had been together for nearly a year, on and off again, before he finally snapped.

Some of the things he said to you were things that you’d never repeated, even to Spencer. Pulling into the driveway made him feel sick to his stomach as he recalled the way you cried in his apartment that night.

“Reid?” JJ’s voice broke through his reminiscence, she had already gotten out of the car, standing outside and waiting for Spencer to step out before the three of them approached the porch.

He reached into his pocket for his credentials, staying at the back of the pack while Hotch knocked on the door before pulling his badge out. Your ex-boyfriend opened the door, “Hello?” He was confused, rightfully so—it wasn’t every day that a group of FBI agents showed up at your front door. He eyed Hotch and JJ before he met Spencer’s eyes. Garrett’s eyes narrowed, “You.”

Hotch’s head snapped to the side, glaring at Spencer for a moment before facing forward, “Garrett Graves?” The Unit Chief’s voice was commanding, staring at your ex with a preconceived notion that your relationship had fallen apart because of him. He was the leader of the team, and he took any attack against the members of his team personally.

“Yes?” He said, obviously bewildered at the sight of the agents on his porch, “Where’s Y/N?”

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, JJ looked up at Garrett, “That’s what we’d like to ask you.”

Spencer had to give him credit, Garrett looked absolutely stunned at your sister’s revelation, but nothing that Spencer knew about him led him to believe he’d act innocent if he was truly guilty. He had the personality type that would confess to the abduction but lead the BAU on a wild goose chase from an interrogation room.

No, the person who had you didn’t want to be caught, and he didn’t want the team to find you. This interview would be a waste of his time, there was absolutely no information about you that Garrett could provide. Spencer knew every important, esoteric detail about you—your ex-boyfriend wouldn’t have anything useful for him.

Garrett peered back at Spencer, “I’m sure anything you want to know, he can tell you,” he said, bitterness altering his tone.

Hotch looked over his shoulder to Spencer, “Why don’t you sit this one out?”

Ignoring the fact that he had just been told to kick rocks, Spencer retreated to the SUV, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning against the passenger door while JJ and Hotch were invited inside the house. He hoped you weren’t somewhere outside, the temperatures dropped to below freezing at night this time of year, and he didn’t remember you wearing a jacket when you left his apartment this morning.

Finally alone—away from your sister, at least—Spencer had a moment to process the reality of his situation. You were missing, likely abducted as a result of your job, and he didn’t even have an exact time to go off. His chest felt tight in a way it hadn’t in years, the sheer joy of knowing he had you in his life felt like it was fading away because he didn’t have you. He had no idea where you were, and for a brief moment, he considered the fact that the loss of you might kill him too.

You were the only one who knew how to bring him back down to earth anymore. Snapping him back to reality whenever he started to spiral.

This time, the sound of his phone ringing pulled him out of his Charybdis of fear, “Hello,” he answered the phone, holding the device to his ear as he pretended the last five minutes of thought had never happened.

“Hey, kid,” Derek greeted over the phone, an unavoidable solemn note in his voice. “Garcia managed to track down Y/N’s car, it’s down on a side street, it looks like she was avoiding the highway.”

Spencer looked down at his shoes, “The exit that she needs to take to get to her apartment closes for construction at night.” The explanation flew from his mouth before he could remember that he wasn’t supposed to know that, but his brain was moving at an altered pace right now, unable to think past anything other than finding you.

The other line was silent for a moment, “Right,” Derek said doubtfully. “It looks like someone rear-ended her,” he noted, the sound of cars rushing by cluing Spencer into the traffic.

“That time of night on that road it would’ve needed to be on purpose, there’s no reason to be following someone that closely on an empty street,” Spencer processed the information, pulling up a map in his head of the area where your car was. “So, it was a bump and grab,” Spencer thought aloud, it wasn’t a particularly sophisticated crime, but with all of the other evidence, he hadn’t expected it to be.

Morgan reaffirmed his suspicions, “I’m surprised she wasn’t more on edge that early in the morning. What do you think she was doing all the way out here anyway?”

His stomach churned; you had been leaving his apartment. It was his fault you had been out there at that time. “It was early, her inhibitions were down, she was probably tired,” he rambled off. “Besides, you heard JJ, she thinks she has a boyfriend,” he bit out.

“Uh huh,” Derek responded, “And what do you think about that?”

Leaning his head back, Spencer stared at the sky, “Did you find her phone? Was it in the car?”

There was no way Derek didn’t get why Spencer ignored his question, but he moved on anyway, “Yeah, that’s the other thing. There’s no sign of that text message.”

Another mystery to add to the plethora, Spencer closed his eyes and sighed, “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Kid,” Derek said, stopping Spencer from hanging up, “Why did the text go to you and not JJ? Wouldn’t that make more sense?”

Spencer paused, staring at the backs of his eyelids, “I’m not sure.” His answer, at least, was mostly truthful. It would make sense for the message to have gone to JJ, but JJ wouldn’t have understood the meaning.

That meant the person who sent the message likely knew about you and Spencer’s relationship, and that did very little to comfort him.

Helpless was not a term that Spencer liked to use to describe himself, but as the orange glow of the sunset sept into the BAU, he was beginning to feel that way. You were still missing, and with every passing moment, Spencer knew that the statistics grew increasingly bleak.

Stepping away from his computer monitor, Spencer made his way to the bathroom, he didn’t need to use it, but the silent hum of the fan was better than the constant chattering in the bullpen. Everyone imaginable had been pulled in on this case, everyone wanting to pitch in to find a missing FBI agent, but not for the first time, Spencer wished everyone would just shut up.

Turning on the tap, he cupped his hands under the water and splashed his face, focusing the cold water on his eyes, hoping they could hone his focus. He tore a paper towel from the dispenser and pressed it into his face as the door swung open, the familiar tapping of boots sounded from behind him until they stopped.

“You know, from my count, it’s been about eight months,” Rossi said, meeting Spencer’s eyes in the mirror, his hands in his pockets as he raised his eyebrows, waiting for a response.

Sighing, Spencer turned off the water, “Nine,” he corrected, foregoing his usual habit of providing more precise time frame. He wasn’t surprised that Rossi had it figured out, he always did, but still, he asked, “How did you figure it out?”

Rossi shrugged, watching as Spencer moved to throw away the paper towel, “I am very good at my job.”

Spencer laughed, a mixture between a laugh and a scoff as he looked in the mirror just to find that he still looked like a disaster. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” he confessed, the first time he had let his desolation truly show to any member of the team.

“You’re gonna go back out there, and we are gonna do what we do best,” Rossi insisted, “We help the people who need us.”

Nodding, Spencer took a deep breath before heading back out to the bullpen, following Penelope through the glass doors as the technical analyst made her way over to JJ. It shouldn’t bother him that everyone went to JJ first, but it did, even though no one knew any better. “Does the last name Delphino mean anything to you?”

JJ frowned in response, “No, why—should it?”

His lips parted, not worrying about holding himself back, “Paul Delphino is the name of Y/N’s next-door neighbor.”

Garcia made a dinging noise, quickly moving on to continue her explanation, “Paul Delphino did not show up for work this morning. Why is this significant? His family, the Delphinos, owns a lot of commercial property in the DMV and a suspicious 911 call just came in from one of those properties stating that there’s a light on in a building that is slated for demolition tomorrow. The caller said they heard screaming coming from the building.”

Hotch looked around at the team, “Morgan contact SWAT. JJ, Morgan, you’re with me, Blake, Reid, with Rossi. Garcia, send the address to our phones.” Everyone was already moving as he distributed orders, heading to the elevator, and getting one step closer to you.

He’s been watching you for months. From the exact moment he moved into the apartment next to yours, Paul declared himself your soulmate. You recognized his name when you first met, and it came up in one of your late-night Wikipedia binges. Paul Delphino was a member of a disturbingly wealthy family, up until his parents disowned him for suspicious cash transactions.

Your head hurt like hell, drips of blood were encrusted along your hairline, and you were fairly convinced that you were dying. Your vision blurred around the edges when you followed the noise of your captor around the room with your eyes, your body slightly suspended in the air by your arms, standing on your tiptoes to prevent too much strain on your shoulders.

Seeking comfort in your memory, you remembered this morning, kissing your sleepy boyfriend as he tiredly asked you to stay, but you needed to go back to your own apartment. You told him you loved him, which was the truth, but you needed a morning with your things.

If needing a morning with your things led to an untimely demise, then at least the last thing you told Spencer was that you loved him.

Long, unending scratches ran down your arms and legs, they weren’t deep enough to scar, but as they scabbed over, they began to itch. Cuts and scrapes weren’t going to kill you, but the knife in your abdomen likely would.

You tried to keep yourself as still as possible, your personal experience with stab wounds was lackluster, but you knew that the blade could be preventing any further bleeding. You weren’t sure if you should be grateful that Paul couldn’t get it up, seeing as he elected to stab you for a sexual release.

The black of your t-shirt concealed any blood on your torso, so you weren’t sure exactly how much blood you’d lost, but judging by the way the world was losing its color, things weren’t looking good for you.

You breathed out slowly through your nose, watching Paul pace back and forth in front of you, faint lantern light being the only thing illuminating whatever hellscape you were in. “Paul,” you said, your voice nearly a gasp, “I need help.”

At this point, you had no idea what your plan was, seriously considering asking him to let you heal so that he could come back and stab you again in a few weeks. What else did you have to offer him?  He scoffed in response, continuing his pacing until his steps faltered and he stalked over to you, causing you to flinch. “Did you call them?”

You groaned in pain, “Who the fuck could I have called?” You yelped like a wounded animal when he pulled the knife from your stomach.

He pointed the knife at your face, the metallic tang of your own blood filling your nostrils as you fought off a wave of nausea. “Why would you call the FBI on me?”

Tears flooded your eyes at his words. My sister’s here, you thought to yourself. Spencer’s here. “I didn’t,” you choked out, trying to remember how to breathe while you were dying.

Paul’s head snapped to look behind him, the rustling of SWAT and agents scaring him enough that he dropped the knife to the floor before taking off, leaving you alone in the room for someone to find.

Grunting, you tried to free your hands on your own, but you no longer had the physical strength to do anything except for hang. Tipping your head back in an attempt to keep your airway open, you called out, “JJ!”

You never thought the sight of your sister’s blonde ponytail would make tears run down your face, but as soon as she made her way into the room, saltwater left marks on your blood-stained face. “He went that way,” you jutted your head to the side, watching as the people in front of you stayed true to themselves. JJ ran off to chase Paul, and Spencer holstered his weapon to help you down.

“Hey,” he whispered, holding you while a SWAT member used a knife to undo your restraints, and Spencer caught you before your legs had a chance to give out.

You looked around the room, Morgan had gone with JJ to play cat and mouse, but Blake stayed behind with Spencer while they tried to get you sorted out. Everyone else would panic, announcing to the rest of the room that you were seemingly very slowly bleeding out would send the space into a frenzy, so you didn’t.

Spencer draped an FBI jacket over your shoulders, one of the spares that was kept in the SUVs.

“I need help,” you mumbled, your lips barely parting as you tried to save your strength to walk to an ambulance. “Spence,” you gasped, using your own hand to apply pressure to the wound.

He nodded, instinctively pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I know, I know.” His voice was tight, and you hated yourself for doing this to him.

Groaning, you shook your head, “I’m bleeding,” you murmured, watching as realization set into his features, wavering between horror and determination, Spencer nodded at you.

“Reid?” Blake called after the two of you, now noticing the drops of blood that were where you were standing, now being tracked through the building by your shuffling footsteps.

Spencer didn’t answer her, his attention was entirely on you as he kept you upright, bringing you closer and closer to the flashing lights of the ambulance. The cold of the night burned your nose as the fresh air gave you a new sense of determination, matching Spencer’s. “I’m sorry,” you told him, but you weren’t sure he could even hear you as you approached the ambulance.

“You need to get her to a hospital,” Spencer insisted once the EMTs were in earshot, his chest heaving as your feet dragged more and more with every step. “Please,” he begged them, helping you onto a stretcher before hauling himself into the rig, a one-track mind thinking of nothing else other than getting you the help that you need.

Fifty-fifty were the odds that you gave yourself once you found a firm enough grasp on consciousness. There was a fifty percent chance you were going to open your eyes and be met with the harsh fluorescence of a hospital. There was a fifty percent chance that bastard Minos was going to send you straight to the Fields of Punishment.

You changed your bets once the scent of antiseptic burned your nostrils, you flinched at the smell, earning some soft shushing from the person on the other side of your eyelids. Sighing, you open your eyes just a sliver, “Hey, J,” you greeted her, your voice raspy from lack of use and probably a breathing tube.

Hospitals made your stomach churn, hunger and blood loss certainly contributed to the feeling as you tried to reorient yourself with the land of the living. “Hi, Ducky,” she whispered, taking your hand in hers and squeezing it reassuringly, “You’re okay.”

Humming, you closed your eyes again, being awake in stages, “Haven’t heard that one in a while,” you murmured, smiling softly. “I feel like shit,” you groaned, trying to shift in the bed just to be met with a shooting pain in your abdomen. Pieces of the puzzle started coming back to you.

“The doctors said you were really lucky, the knife didn’t hit any organs or blood vessels,” he told you, giving you an update on your condition. Waking up in hospitals always gave you an odd feeling, being surrounded by a group of people who knew more about how you were doing than you did.

Frowning, you let your eyes flutter open, “Yeah, lucky,” you breathed. “That’s exactly how I feel right now.”

JJ smoothed some of your hair away from your forehead, “He’s dead, Ducky.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Did you shoot him?”

She shrugged slyly, “I let Morgan take the shot.”

That was a lie you let her get away with. If JJ had been the one to shoot Paul, there likely would’ve been an investigation opened because of your familial tie—Strauss would’ve had her hands all over that one. This way, there was no question about ethics. “Thank you,” you whispered to her, “I’m…” your voice trailed off as you noticed someone else in the corner of the room.

Following your gaze, JJ looked confused, “He hasn’t moved all night.” Spencer was almost comedically folded in a hospital chair, his wrist bent beneath his chin as he slept. “He rode with you to the hospital, and I’m not sure—”

“I’m in love with him,” you cut her off mid-sentence. You watched your sister’s confusion morph into shock as she looked from you to Spencer and back again. “Spencer and I have been dating for the last nine months, and we haven’t told anyone. It wasn’t because we wanted to keep anyone in the dark or because we didn’t want you to know, we just liked having something that was ours.”

Surprise was clear on her face while she searched her mind for clues into what you were telling her. You could tell she was thinking, you recognized her thinking face as well as you would if you were looking in a mirror. “You and Spencer?”

You nodded stiffly, moving your upper lip to adjust your nasal cannula, “Yeah. Me and Spencer.”

“So, when I tried to pin the two of you together last fall… you were already together?” She asked, recalling a night spent as a team at O’Keefe’s.

Giving her a lopsided smile, you held your hands out in mock surrender, “Yeah,” you echoed.

She just continued staring at you up until her phone rang, she apologized to you before picking it up, greeting Will over the phone, and stepping out into the hallway.

You tilted your head to the side, getting a better look at Spencer sleeping in the chair, “Spence,” you called out to him, remembering that you’re in a hospital and raising your voice is frowned upon, even as a patient. “Spencer,” you crooned, trying to wake him up without startling him.

He didn’t so much as budge, you tried again, but when he didn’t stir, you had to turn to violence.

With an aching arm, you grabbed a pen from the table attached to your hospital bed and flung it at him, gasping when the pen hit him in the head. His eyes opened, looking at you groggily as he stretched out his wrist.

“Hey,” he said, instantly over his irritation of being pelted with a BIC pen, “You’re up.” Spencer looked around the room noting no sign of your sister before he took her seat at your bedside, “You look good.”

You laughed slightly, the movement felt good spiritually, but physically it pulled at your stitches. “I look like shit,” you corrected him, you didn’t even need a mirror to know that.

Spencer smiled at you fondly, fingers carefully dancing along your hairline. His touch was tentative like he was afraid a single touch would break you, “You’ve certainly looked better,” he admitted.

The grin that bloomed on your face felt foreign after a day of pain, but it relieved you to stretch those muscles. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, noticing the way his hand faltered in its movements.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he reminded you, not even sure which it he was referring to, he simply wanted to know you weren’t to blame for any of it.

You hummed, adjusting yourself on your pillows, “But I took advantage of you.”

In response, Spencer reached out a hand, placing the back of it on your forehead, checking for a fever as if you weren’t hooked up to a vital monitor.

Swatting his hand away, you looked at him solemnly, “No, I took advantage of your rational minds when I asked you for help outside of the warehouse. I made the decision to ask you because I knew you would help me first and panic second.”

“Honey,” Spencer said, gingerly moving strands of hair off of your forehead, “You are severely underestimating my abilities if you think I wasn’t panicking while I was helping you.”

You pressed your lips together thoughtfully, looking at him, “I wanna go home,” you murmured, looking up at him with wide eyes.

He looked at you sadly, “Tomorrow, probably. I’ll bring you home and unpack the first load of your things in my place. You can sit on the couch and tell me where everything goes.”

“Spencer,” you said, gentle chide in your tone.

Your boyfriend hummed, “You didn’t seriously think I’d let you keep living in that apartment, did you?”

Honestly, you hadn’t had the time for the thought to cross your mind, but Spencer had always thought you lived in a bad part of town. He was right, of course, but this was a lot to digest all at once. “You don’t have to; I can just find a new apartment.”

He leaned over the bed, “It’s too late. I already asked Penelope to come over this weekend and help me go through my closet and dresser.”

“Did you tell her?” You asked him, reaching a hand up and tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

Spencer shook his head, “No, but I suppose we’ll have to.”

Chewing on the inside of your lip, you raised your eyebrows, “Well, I told JJ.” You informed him of the fact that you’d abrogated the seal of silence on your relationship.

“Rossi knows,” he told you like it should’ve been news to you.

You shrugged, “He figured it out months ago. I thought you knew that.”

Your boyfriend frowned, “How would I have known that?”

“He profiled us, it’s like reverse profiling,” you explained.

Spencer chuckled softly, “You’re right, my mistake.” His brown eyes shimmered as he took your hand in his, bringing it to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

He never took his eyes off of you, watching you like a hawk at every moment—you weren’t even sure he was blinking properly. “What’s still bothering you?”

Shaking his head, he dismissed your question immediately. You felt safe with him, when your sister returned to the doorway, she faltered at the sight in front of her. Spencer was resting his head on your hospital bed, softly chatting to you about sea otters while your eyes fluttered shut.

Before you fell asleep, she raised her eyebrows and held up a thumbs up, asking if you were okay.

A brief nod in response was all you needed, smiling at her softly while she went back to her phone call.

[mmirx]

Congrats on 3k!!

Could you do an injury trope with like season 5-6 Spencer where he and fem! Reader split up and he finds them like dying, UNSUB on the floor also bleeding out so Spencer can safely assume that reader fought back before collapsing and after the UNSUB is arrested, Spencer is immediately at readers side and speaking to them "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.", and "You’ll be fine." *silence* "You’ll be fine. Hey! Wake up! Please. Please wake up…" and while Spencer is panicking over whether or not reader will live, he thinks about how they changed from enemies to lovers.

BLEEDING HEART. /spencer reid/

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” “You’ll be fine.” *silence* “You’ll be fine. Hey! Wake up! Please. Please wake up…”

enemies to lovers

CW | reader is critically injured and unresponsive for most of it, graphic blood descriptions, open ended but maybe reader lives if you want her to

s6! spencer x fem!reader 1.0k angst event masterlist. main masterlist.

a/n | angst oh glorious angst

You were too slow. That’s the only thought pounding through Spencer’s head as he stumbles into the warehouse, gun trembling in his hand.

His breath is ragged, his legs unsteady from running full speed across the broken asphalt lot. He barely registers Morgan and Rossi’s shouts behind him, the pounding of boots and orders barked into radios. It’s all white noise. Because the moment his eyes fall on you, collapsed on the cold, blood-slick floor, everything else ceases to exist.

The gun in his hand drops with a clatter.

“No, no, no…”

He’s already kneeling at your side before he registers the motion, fingers shaking as they reach for you. Your face is pale, far too pale, and your hair clings to your sweat-dampened forehead. The bright red stain spreading across your shirt glistens under the flickering light overhead.

Spencer’s hands are sticky the moment they press against the wound. You flinch faintly, your eyes barely cracking open. He feels your blood seeping through his fingers.

“Hey, hey— stay with me, you hear me?” His voice wavers as he glances at the body a few feet away. The unsub is face-down in a growing pool of blood, still twitching slightly, gasping wetly with every rattling breath. The knife he used on you lies discarded, coated in blood—your blood.

You fought him. Spencer knows it. He sees the torn sleeve, the bruises forming along your jaw, the deep scratch marks on the unsub’s neck. You fought back. You must have been so scared, so desperate. And he wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he chokes out, his voice cracking as he presses his hand harder against the wound. “I should’ve been here. I should’ve—” His throat closes around the words.

You cough weakly, and his eyes snap back to you. Your lashes flutter, your gaze unfocused, but you’re still there. Barely. Too barely.

“You’ll be fine,” His voice is hollow with the promise. His blood-slick hand cups your cheek, smearing crimson along your jawline, and he swears he feels you lean into the touch. Or maybe he imagines it.

His eyes blur with the sting of hot, useless tears. “You’ll be fine, okay? Hey!” Your eyelids droop, and a sharp panic seizes him. He shakes you slightly, voice breaking. “Wake up! Please. Please, wake up…”

Your body doesn’t listen. Your eyes fall shut, your chest barely rising with each shallow breath. His own breathing is quick and erratic as he grips you tighter, almost as if he could anchor you there with him.

And then his mind splinters.

For a heartbeat, he isn’t kneeling on the cold warehouse floor with your blood soaking into his jeans. Instead, he’s remembering the first time he met you—how you rolled your eyes at his rambling statistics during your first case together.

He remembers the disdain in your voice, how sharp your words were, how easy it was to bristle around you. You were reckless, impulsive, infuriating.

But then he remembers the late nights in the bullpen when you started bringing him coffee without asking. The first time you defended him against a suspect who mocked his stammer. The way your eyes softened when you caught him with trembling hands after a particularly brutal case.

He remembers how he fell for you so stupidly, so completely, even though neither of you could ever say it. The arguments became softer, the walls thinner. One day, you weren’t his rival—you were his home.

And now, you’re slipping away.

“Don’t—” His voice cracks on the word, his forehead pressing against yours. “Please. Please, don’t do this.” His hands are covered in your blood, and it’s warm and sticky and wrong. He doesn’t know if he’s shaking from fear or from the adrenaline crashing through him, but he can’t stop. He won’t stop.

There’s shouting behind him, someone calling for a medic. He barely hears it. All he knows is you.

“I love you.” The words tumble from his lips in a strangled whisper, broken and desperate. They taste like salt and dirt. His voice is lost, drowned by the ache in his chest, the terror clawing at his throat. “I love you, so you can’t— you can’t leave me. Please…”

When your breath hitches, his heart nearly stops. But then, with excruciating slowness, your eyes flicker open just slightly, unfocused and glassy but alive. Alive.

“Spence…?” It’s barely a whisper, your voice cracked and broken. You’re confused. Afraid. But there.

A ragged breath shudders out of him, half-sob, half-relief. His grip on you tightens, his lips trembling against your temple.

“I’m here,” His voice is thick, barely above a whisper. He presses another frantic kiss to your forehead. “I’m right here. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay.”

And as the paramedics rush in, he still doesn’t let go. Even when they pry you from his arms, he’s right there, clinging to your hand with trembling fingers, refusing to let you slip away again.

And for once, statistics don’t matter. Because he won’t accept any other outcome.

[mmirx]

Hi! I'm the anon of "Still Falling For You" and I just want to say thank you. Yo do such an amazing job and I really loved the part 1..BTW I'm so glad that you liked the idea and can't wait for the next part!

It is my pleasure, dear anon! I didn't expect that I would love this idea so much, so I had to limit myself to making this a two-part fic.

Still Falling For You, Part Two - Peter Sutherland

Synopsis ! Peter meets another agent assigned to protect Rose, and to his surprise, it's his high school sweetheart--you. (Time skip to the fight on the beach.) Pairing ! Peter Sutherland x fem!reader Genres ! Friends-to-lovers, (sort of) enemies-to-lovers Warnings ! Angst, fluff, language, violence, innuendos, kissing, no use of y/n Disclaimers ! Everything I know about the FBI is from TV shows, so this might be an unintentional crossover with Criminal Minds? Idk, it just happened Word Count - 1857

" It took us a while Because we were young and unsure With love on the line What if we both would need more But all your flaws and scars are mine Still falling for you " - Still Falling For You, Ellie Goulding

Masterlist Request Guide Part One

The car ride to the hotel had created a frostiness between you and Peter. In fact, you weren’t sure how this ‘partnership’ would work with the amount of tension brought up. But once you’d gotten to the hotel, you both went into FBI autopilot when you saw that the Secret Service agents that were supposed to be in the lobby were gone.

Your introduction to Rose was brief, but once you’d managed to actually take a breather and talk to her, Peter’s suspicion turned out to be true. You and Rose became fast friends, and yes, the two of you would become huge pains in his ass, which would spark up heated arguments and playful banter between you and Peter.

But even through all of that friction you had fallen into the easy rhythm you’d once had with Peter years and years ago. The feelings you had thought you’d pushed deep within you had been stirred up like dust on a bookshelf, and the novel you’d picked up was one you were revisiting. Was it because it was familiar and comfortable, or because it was one that you’d never gotten over and still continued to love? Or maybe, just maybe, that story wasn’t finished yet.

Perhaps it was all of the above.

Peter had changed over the years, not just physically but mentally. He was no longer the goofy boy gazing at you with puppy dog-heart eyes. He had grown up and was a full-blown golden retriever, protective and loyal to a fault. You knew his past with his father, and you’d also heard about the accusations against him for the metro bombing one year ago. You didn’t purposefully keep yourself aware of what was going on in Peter’s life, but a supposed terrorist attack in DC made the news—with Peter in the headlines. You’d heard the rumors of his involvement, but you didn’t believe them. The Peter you knew would never do such a thing. The Peter before you now wouldn’t either, no matter what he’d gone through.

His perseverance was what you had always admired most about him growing up; Peter had never let the negative affect him. His first year of high school, he didn’t make the basketball team, so for the next year, he worked even harder to improve his skills. You had even helped him, not that you were much competition.

Then Peter’s father was arrested, and his whole world turned upside down. It was a new kind of negative, one that Peter didn’t know how to handle. It had taken him down a dark path, but he emerged into the light as an FBI agent, hoping to do some good for his country.

If you were being honest, discovering how much Peter had accomplished in his life had wounded your pride. It might be petty, but it had hurt to know that he hadn’t needed you to support him and cheer him on during the ups and downs of his life. You had thought that you would always be there for each other. You thought that because he didn’t need you, you didn’t need him either.

So you worked endlessly to become a lawyer, and then you switched career paths and joined the BAU in Quantico. It was the FBI like Peter, but at least you wouldn’t have to interact with him.

Until there was a request from the White House for an agent who specialized in behavioral analysis, and your boss recommended you.

You had never thought you’d run into Peter, and when you did, you deflected and tried to keep things professional and distant between you.

But spending time with him again—even through the absolute shit show going on—you could see that the Peter you’d known, your Peter, was still there, and it hit you like a pile of bricks.

You discovered this when he left you and Rose at the Georgetown library. When Rose mentioned that she didn’t get into Stanford, Peter brought up the fact that you had, and then he’d begun to tease you about “knowing absolutely everything because you went to fancy-ass Stanford.”

That had been it for you. That was the moment you realized that your love for him had never faded, and you were desperate to tell him.

You wanted to tell him that you had never loved anyone as much as you loved him, that there had been nights where you would dream of him and remember how he had made you quiver beneath him, that he could still make your knees go weak just by smiling at you.

You wanted to tell him everything.

Then Peter had to go talk to Diane Farr, so he dropped you and Rose off at his friend Cisco’s place. You didn’t get the chance to talk to him in private. When he got back, you promised yourself, you would tell him.

But of course, everything had turned to shit again.

Peter had discovered that Farr was in on everything, so he told Cisco to drive you and Rose to the pier, but the maniacs out to kill Rose were following you. You thought you had ditched them, so Cisco dropped Rose you and off so you could get away.

When Peter finally made it to the beach and killed the man who’d shot at your group of three in the hotel ballroom, he realized that you weren’t there. Rose told him that when Cisco dropped the two of you off, the hitman had found you, so you split up to try to lure him away. Your training and experience at the BAU led you to believe that the hitman wouldn’t stray from trying to kill his target, so you told Rose to run as you started firing your gun at the hitman. You led him down a different path than the one Rose had taken, and the last thing Rose had heard was several more rounds of gunshots before the hitman had found her again.

Clutching the knife wound in his side, Peter tried to stand and Rose had to help him up. He was frantic, calling your burner until his own went dead, and then he couldn’t breathe, his words coming out in stutters and pants.

“I have to find her, Rose. I—I can’t lose her again, I have to—“

“Peter!”

Your voice broke through the darkness of Peter’s mind and the night surrounding him, and when you ran out from the tree line onto the rocky shore, it was as if everything was clear again.

You were a bit disheveled, a bloody gash on your forehead, and you were limping from graze from a bullet on your leg, but nothing was broken or seriously injured. Rose helped the two of you to a vehicle and drove to where Peter’s godfather kept his boat.

It was after Rose helped you and Peter clean your wounds when the three of you heard on the radio that Cisco had been killed and Peter was being framed for kidnapping the Vice President’s daughter. For years, Peter had worked so hard to make a name for himself that didn’t connect him to his father and his supposed crimes. And with a single message to the public, Peter was back at square one.

You and Rose had left Peter to himself on the deck of the boat as you sailed out over the water, but after a while, you decided to join him to see if you could bring him some comfort.

Peter had thrown Kevin into the water, and you sat next to him, the two of you dangling your legs over the edge of the boat.

“I’m so sorry, Peter,” you hummed, “For everything.”

Peter sighed. “The world is so fucked up right now.”

You nodded, hesitant to continue where you wanted to go. “It is, but I’m also sorry about what happened between us…back then.”

“Oh,” he said, turning to you from looking out upon the water. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

You shook your head. “Yes, there is. I was still holding something back, and I guess I wanted to prove something to myself, that I didn’t need you, because you managed to make something of yourself and I wasn’t there to witness it, I—“

You let out a groan, frustrated with how your words were coming out wrong and not making sense.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed. “I’m not blaming you. It’s me and how I’m stubborn and defiant, and I always try to prove people wrong even though they have nothing against me. My boss says that’s why I act before I think, like running headfirst into danger without a second thought.”

Surprisingly, Peter chuckled at that. “I can get that. You trying to distract that maniac at the park? It was completely reckless. I wanted to throttle you, you made me so worried.”

 “Damn, Sutherland, I didn’t think you’d be so worried about me,” you joked, nudging him with your shoulder.

You watched the expression in his eyes turn from light and playful to serious and passionate.

“Fuck,” Peter swore, muttering your name under his breath as he pulled away and began to pace despite his side bleeding. “Of course I was worried. I will always worry for you. I didn’t know what had happened, and when Rose told me that you’d split up, I was about to search every inch of the park in order to find you. I wouldn’t rest until I got you back.”

You took in the intensity of his eyes, and you knew he was serious. “Peter, you were hurt. There’s no way you would’ve—“

“It wouldn’t have mattered!” He interrupted, his voice now close to breaking. It shocked you, how concerned and emotional he was.

“Peter, what are you—“

“Damn it,” Peter cursed, turning to face you and cradling your face in his hands. “I could be missing all four of my limbs and I would still find a way to get to you.”

You closed your eyes, your skin remembering the way his touch felt. It was like cool water quenching your thirst, and nothing had ever felt so good. “God, Peter, you still know how to make me fall for you.”

When you opened your eyes, Peter’s face was so close to yours, you could make out every freckle on his skin. You glanced down at his lips, then back to his eyes, a brown as rich and delectable as chocolate.

Peter kissed you then, and it was as if the world was suddenly set right from being upside down and misaligned for so long. The way his mouth moved against yours sent tingles down your spine, and he still tasted sweet and fresh, like taking a bite out of a ripe, red apple.

It made you crave more.

You ran your hands over his shoulders, and he gripped your waist tightly, lifting you to move and straddle his lap. Peter held you close as the boat rocked with the waves, kissing you until you were breathless, and you knew that the two of you would never let each other go again.

The way I could've written an entire book with this idea, my God. Omg, should I?

[mmirx]

Hi! Could you like to write something about reader and Peter where she knows him since forever and growing up they have fallen in love with eachother. Anyway at some point they split and later they meet again (maybe she is an FBI agent too and he asks for her help with Rose?). Then they argue because something dangerous happens so the truth? Thank you so much for your time!

I would absolutely love to! This idea is just *chef's kiss* but I hope you don't mind if I change and add a few things?

Still Falling For You, Part One - Peter Sutherland

Synopsis ! Peter meets another agent assigned to protect Rose, and to his surprise, it's his high school sweetheart--you. (Starts after Peter spent the night on the couch outside of Farr's office.) Pairing ! Peter Sutherland x fem!reader Genres ! Friends-to-lovers, (sort of) enemies-to-lovers Warnings ! Angst, fluff, language, violence, no use of y/n Disclaimers ! Everything I know about the FBI is from TV shows, so this might be an unintentional crossover with Criminal Minds? Idk, it just happened Word Count - 1733

" It took us a while Because we were young and unsure With love on the line What if we both would need more But all your flaws and scars are mine Still falling for you " - Still Falling For You, Ellie Goulding

Requests are still open, but please be patient! Thank you!

Masterlist Request Guide Part Two

Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. After making it through a car chase, managing to stay hidden through the night, and getting Rose safely to the hotel, Farr wanted to add another agent to the detail protecting her—a personal agent in the hotel room while the Secret Service remained in the lobby.

“Think of it as a gaining a partner,” she said. “This agent is coming straight from the head office. She was top of her class and is one of the best criminal profilers on the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico. POTUS was close friends with her mother, so she pulled a few strings to get her to come here on special assignment.”

As he considered it, Peter supposed it would be nice to have someone with Rose while he could go back to Night Action. If something were to happen, he would need to be there to answer the phone. Rose memorizing the phone number only proved how much she was freaked out by the situation she was in. He’d stayed on the line and talked to her through the night just to reassure her that everything would be alright.

“Here she is now,” Farr said, looking over Peter’s shoulder and calling out a familiar name, and the sound of it made his skin break out in gooseflesh.

At first, Peter thought it was just a coincidence, another agent having the same name as you. But when you stepped around the corner into the foyer of Farr’s office, Peter was spiraling backwards through time to his high school days, to a time of laughter and holding hands, to sweet kisses in the rain and feverish ones underneath the bleachers. Peter was brought back to a time before his life fell to pieces.

The two of you had grown up next door to one another, quickly becoming best friends. When Peter’s mother died, your own mother offered to help Peter’s father with taking Peter to school and basketball practices, to feed him dinner when he had to work late, to help keep order in their lives. Whenever Peter wasn’t in his own home, he would be at yours, and as you grew older, you and Peter would only grow closer.

It came as no surprise when the two of you had started dating. Your parents had even hoped it would happen. You and Peter had known each other the way no one else did. And through your relationship, you had been each other’s firsts. First kiss, first love, first everything. It was epic, but even epic things can come to an end.

When you both were sixteen, Peter’s father was arrested. The two of you had tried to get his name cleared, but then Pete Sr. died, and the rumors speculated that it was either a car accident or suicide. That had been Peter’s downfall. You had tried to be there for him, but he slowly pulled away from you. He would stay home and have cereal for dinner instead of coming to your house for a home-cooked meal. He would walk to basketball practice instead of getting a ride from you on your way to cheer practice. He would stop answering your phone calls and send you to voicemail. He even stood you up on the night of your senior prom.

Eventually, you’d had enough. You walked up to his front door and rang the bell, but he hadn’t even answered. You knew he was inside. You could see him sitting on the couch.

“Peter,” you had called out. “I know you’re struggling, but you need to talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t.”You thought that might stir him to move, but Peter hadn’t budged.

“Look, Pete, I don’t know if I can continue waiting for you. I don’t—“ You choked on your tears, and a few had managed to escape. “I don’t think we can be together anymore. I’m sorry.”

That was the first thing Peter thought of when he saw you again, the sound of you crying. He’d kept up with how you’d been after graduating high school through your mom’s posts on Facebook. He saw the pictures of your college years, of Spring Break trips and summer vacations that he no doubt would’ve been on if the two of you had stayed together.

When your mother died in an accident during your sophomore year of college, the posts stopped, and Peter couldn’t bring himself to look at your profile or even contact you. He’d felt horrible after how he treated you when his father died, and he didn’t want to add salt to the wound when your mother passed.

Even after ten years, you still managed to look as beautiful as you did back then, only more professional and grown up. Your face had sharper features, but your eyes were still soft and kind, reminding Peter of lazy summer afternoons laying in the sun. Oh, how he had loved looking into your eyes.

And now, he still couldn’t seem to look away.

Peter was surprised to see you, even more so as an FBI agent like him. You’d always had an interest in criminal justice, intending to become a lawyer after completing your undergrad, but Peter never would have guessed that you would turn to psychology and become a profiler. He supposed it might be useful for protecting Rose from the whackjobs who were after her.

“Peter,” you gaped, startled to be seeing him again.

He breathed your name, reminding you of the last time he sighed with your name on his lips, and the thought made you blush. You cleared your throat, your voice tightening. “How are you?”

He stared down at you, and it was frustrating that he was still freakishly tall. At least, compared to your height. “Um, I’m fine. You?”

“Fine.”

Diane Farr looked between the both of you with narrowed eyes. “Do you two know each other?”

You nodded.  “We grew up together.”

“And we dated,” Peter continued, and you shot him a glare. He should not be bringing up your personal history together at the workplace.

Farr raised a brow. “Is this going to be a problem?”

“No, ma’am. It won’t,” Peter assured, and he looked at you for confirmation.

You nodded. “No, ma’am.”

“Good. Why don’t you join Peter to see Rose at the hotel?”

You pressed your lips together and nodded again, trying to keep your words to a minimum, because if you were to speak, you were afraid that you would say a lot more than you intended.

Peter led you outside to the car. You started toward the driver’s side, so used to being the one who drove whenever you were in a car with Peter. However, Peter beat you to it, and you glared at him in frustration. “So you can drive now?”

The banter between you picked up as if you’d never spent any time apart, only with more anger and hostility. “Yes, I can drive.”

As you slid into the passenger seat, you studied him, seeing the change in him from the stubborn teenager to mature and suave adult he’d grown into. You also couldn’t help but notice that he’d bulked up a little, too.

You blinked, returning to your annoyed expression. “At least I don’t have to drive you around anymore.”

“You were the one who offered. You are older than me, so you got your license first.”

You glared at him. “By only four months. Besides, you kept failing, so I had to keep driving.”

“Are we really arguing about this right now?”

“You tell me.”

Peter sighed, a grin spreading across his lips. “Still as obstinate as ever.”

“You’re one to talk,” you retorted.

“And you still like to have the last word, good to know. I’m still wondering why you never followed through with becoming a lawyer.”

You swiveled your head to face him, your eyes narrowed and frightening. “Who said I didn’t?”

“So you’re a lawyer and an agent?”

“Double major in psychology and criminal justice, and I went to law school, so yes, I’m a lawyer and an agent.”

Peter shifted in his seat, his eyes checking the car’s mirrors every once in a while. He wasn’t sure what to say. You’d done more than he expected, and he couldn’t help but swell with pride over your accomplishments. After all this time, you were still amazing.

“What made you decide to become a profiler?” He asked, glancing in your direction before turning back to the road.

Your chest tightened, and your throat began to ache. “My mom.”

“You mean her accident?”

You clasped your hands together in your lap, head lowered. “It wasn’t an accident.”

“What?”

The car jerked as Peter spun to face you. You grabbed the ‘oh shit’ handle as you cried, “Watch it, Peter!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, correcting himself and the vehicle. “What do you mean it wasn’t an accident?”

You sighed, leaning back in your seat. “She was killed in a bank robbery. Two unsubs, a classic case of a dominant and submissive. She tried to talk one of them down, but he shot her instead. She talked to the submissive, who would’ve done anything for the dominant’s approval—“

You caught sight of Peter staring at you as he pulled up to the hotel and put the car into park. “I studied the security camera’s footage after I joined the BAU. I won’t go into the technical details to bother you, but my boss wasn’t happy that I was looking into cases without permission. He let it slide though, as long as I promised I wouldn’t do it again.”

Peter grinned at you, the same mischievous smile that would make your heart flutter when you were younger. “Still have that rebellious streak, huh?”

You refused to let the blush form on your cheeks, but you still bit your lip in embarrassment.

Peter noticed that little action, and it still drove him crazy. He cleared his throat, taking the keys out of the ignition. “Are you ready to meet Rose?”

You nodded. “What’s she like?”

Peter smiled again, and the butterflies filled you once again. “For as well as I know you, I have a feeling that the two of you would be nothing but twin pains in my ass.”

You quirked your lips in a smirk. “There is nothing I would enjoy more.”

Yeah, I rolled with this idea and didn't want to make it too long, so it's going to need a part two.