#i dont care that its popular!!!!
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pathological demand avoidance is so stupid
like before it super shot up in popularity i definitely had an interest in checking out the cooking dungeon manga/anime
but now that every 5th post on my dash is "you MUST consume it" (even tho i know LOGICALLY they are JOKES) my brain is like
"actually i hate it on principal now the sight of it makes me sick and fills me with a visceral anger i cannot describe and if i see one more of these posts im going to bite someone"
and i KNOW its silly and stupid!!! esp since its a media i KNOOOOOOOOW id like and its also such a Big reaction over Nothing. Brains are DUMB and i HATE THEM.
#burnt the eggs#ive always been like thissss#its i how briefly fell victim to that hipster oighhhhhhh its popular??? i hate it mentality in my youth#yknow when that was the rage#but like thats not quite it yknow????#i dont care that its popular!!!!#there are plenty of popular things i like!!!!#i just hate people telling me what to do and what i have to consume#even if its just dumb posts on the internet of the ppl i folloe clearly just expressing their own personal interest in smth they like#and it doesnt ACTUALLY have anythijg to do with me#LOGICALLLYYYYYYYY i know that#LOGIC doesnt get rid of PDA thooooooooooo#in any capacity of it#like id loveeeeeee to not get angry deep down when my partner INNOCENTLY AND POLITELY AND KINDLY#asks me to do something that im already doing#and like im not actually mad at them why would o be theyre just trying to be helpful#BUT MY EVIL SPITEFUL IDIOT BRAIN#anyway#gonna probably blacklist said yummy dungeon for the moment just to yknow.... not be filled with rage#and let my BELOVED FRIENDS AND MUTUALS HAVE THEIR FUN FOR THENLOVE OF GOD BRAIN
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optimus in earthspark saying his favourite colours are red blue and chrome and the joke is that thats his colours but hmm yknow who else is
#puts my chin in my hands and kicks my feet. giggles#i still love that they have the same colour schemes hehe#they barely interacted. but I DONT CARE#the true tf shipper can find hints of their faves in any continuity#t#tf#starop#<- i think thats the main tag for them? it wasnt a few years ago but umm. its more popular now yayyyyy#optimus#starscream
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Just to throw this out there
#dont get me wrong i like vaultghoul but it is insane the way people are sidelining max#its just so funny people are like “nobody expects the ghoul to be the most popular” as it he isnt the most popular brand of white man#morally gray bad boy#and i like cooper!!! but i dont sideline max at his expense.#i wish more people would just reflect on hmmmm i wonder why im only caring about the white man#anyways asks are on if yall wanna send me death threats or whatever#i know im swinging a bat at a hornets nest#fallout show#fallout#the ghoul#cooper howard#lucy maclean#fallout maximus#vaultghoul#vaultknight#my posts love#stolen from tiktok
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it really do feels like that some days
#i rly wish my stupid heart would fall for what's popular...#so then i would have so much more merch and content to consume#but nooo stupid ass heart and brain have to always fall for what's super niche#i mean ultimately i dont care too much since i can create my own stuff#but some others days yeah... its heavy#why did i even choose artist as a career T0T its ass for us out there... i wish i had gone into idk... anything that would get me mad rich#but it would also have been super boring for me so... maybe it really is the best path#who knows#delete later#random#i do wonder if my heart and brain do that unconsciously someties though... because holy fuck its been a pattern for years
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tiny.
#persona 5#oh my god. I will tag them all later.#i really regret not making the file bigger. but in my defense#i did not think i was going to color them AT ALL#so i gotta deal#so glad i finally got this done. i wanted some cheebs to use as a point of reference for my relationship chart#(romantic but MOSTLY platonic)#and at some point i was like. hey#i actually DONT have a color palette reference for most of them#so. here they are. lol.#really love how haru and ryuji came out heehee#its like. 8:30 for me as of typing this (and drafting it)#so im not doing the chart today. but i am just glad i got the hard part done <3#akira#ryuji#ann#shiho#mishima#yusuke#futaba#makoto#haru#goro#i WOULD do the full name to get them in popular tags#but then id have to decide WHO was going in the first 5 tags. and thats too much work#and i dont rlly care to add character tags to something like this. its almost misleading LOL
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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Can I possibly ask who your most recent OC is, if you are still open to talking about your OCs?
of course!!! honestly i dont think ive made any new ones in particular since last year? with the amount i have atp i kinda go back and forth between new and old ones kjsdgkjsdhgs but i guess rafi and naomi would be the most recent that i actually do somewhat draw on occasion because otherwise a good chunk of them are just. kind of concepts i bounce around in my head jksdgjkhsdgsh
i do have this from some time ago though that never really went anywhere
#asks#anonymous#duck scribbles#duck ocs#naomi#rafi#i have chronic character making disease though so i come up w story ideas here and there but dont do much other than write em down#OH another notable one of from late is this closet nerd + popular girl in class whos a very heavy rarepair supporter of closet nerd's fav.#they didnt particularly interact before but girl 1 happens to come across her art acc with an entire 8 total follower count and becomes a#fan!! not long after she finds her lost sketchbook and recognises her art and shenanigans ensue#but other than that!! ive been mostly really thinking abt naorafi and also this other duo of mine#which is reformed villain subleader and the magical girls' mentor of whom he has a devastatingly onesided crush on and tries to court#constantly. its a bit funny to me#obnoxious guy constantly bringing bouquets to his lab + guy who does not fecking care
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I really can't understand why, but there's so much useless discourse in the pjo fandom - about ships, about interpretation of characters, about headcanons, and all stuff like that. Like, are most people in this fandom unable to have fun?
I mean, I've been in the fandom for ten years now, and (maybe it was bc back in the day I was in the Italian fandom) but back then there wasn't this much discourse???
Please, just learn to have fun, that's literally what fandoms are made for
#this came out bc i see way too much hate for percico obv#but also bc i just saw a post saying that bla bla people mischaracterize percy character bla bla#whatever che palle#also about percico#i only found out when i came back in the fandom this year that ppl hate it#like wtf it was the most popular ship back in my days!!!!#i guess its bc it was before solangelo existed but still#anyway this is why i block people very easily especially in this fandom#plz just lemme enjoy my fandom#i havent been here for 10 yrs just to read useless discourse#also at my age one simply stop caring about things like#'oh no theyre 4 years apart ' 😭#wtf me and my kind of bf are 3 years apart so what#also theyre fictional they don't care about age difference lmao#i once saw a post that was like '#'i wonder how do ppl who like percico justify the age difference bla bla'#and i was like 'i dont. theyre fictional they literally do not exist '.#and blocked lmao#anyway i just needed to get this off my chest sorry#my posts
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Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure
Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.
This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).
Warnings:
I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.
Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.
I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.
Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)
Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message. Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then. Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters. Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!
Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.
"--The best shows can't be done alone."
Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way." "Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."
However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)
And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--
"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."
Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.
Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.
Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.
I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.
"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'." "But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."
It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.
Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.
And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.
Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:
"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away." "...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."
So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?
Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?
It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.
Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.
We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.
It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?
Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.
But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.
The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.
"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed." "Directing... really is interesting."
FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.
To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.
This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):
But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.
Loners=Rui Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui) Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games) Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)
(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)
Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?
In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!
Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.
Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.
He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.
Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).
One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.
"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do." "No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."
For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.
Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.
If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.
In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.
In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.
Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.
I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.
There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.
The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.
In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).
Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.
As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).
But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.
On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.
Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.
Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie. (But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)
No matter where you go, there's a story. (Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)
Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.
[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):
Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?" (What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)
Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I... (There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)
What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right? (At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]
Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:
Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so Smile for the curtain call and applause.
Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.
And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:
If you're not suited for the role, Then just rewrite the script!
This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.
This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.
"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths." "That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."
And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.
"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."
Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.
It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:
"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad." (i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)
And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.
"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?" The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???
(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)
I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"
That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.
In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc): 1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people. 2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui. 3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.
(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)
And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:
Devoid of soul, music remains silent Unheard lyrics conceal their essence; without playback, music loses its meaning. Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.
YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!
Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.
But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
#project sekai#rui kamishiro#kamishiro rui#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#it's so difficult to talk about rui#i do kinda get how this feels but i guess it's hard to put into words because of how dull the feeling is and you don't even know its there#until you do something thats out of character for yourself#someone whos always trying to convince themselves they dont care when people hurt them will get it#ok i take back my comments on the popular tl of cyberpunk dead boy being biased its just difficult to translate lol#rui is literally set for failure and doomed by the narrative#im sorry i keep editing i just find it so hard to put my thoughts about rui into words
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this is like the third time ive had to post something like this but you guys need to stop treating unodum like a celebrity or fangirl over him or act like its some sort of gift to be talked to by him or especially treat his friends weirdly because they talk to him regularly. ive gotten word that his friends are being treated as special just because they have connections to him and being asked to like say stuff to him or whatever??? which is legitimately very very gross behavior. cause its not only really uncomfortable for uno but it gets very awkward and uncomfortable for me and his friends. im aware my popularity in the regretevator fandom is largely because im associated with him and in all honesty from the START that concept has made me pretty upset. neither me nor his other friends want to be seen as special just because we’re close to him. its part of why i didnt make much outside of the blog AND why i just abandoned the blog and the fandom altogether. i think a lot of you guys are a younger audience and are still learning internet etiquette and social boundaries, but this needs to be a lesson in how NOT to treat others on the internet, especially content creators. this isnt to say dont attempt to build friendships with people you think are cool and feel like you have things in common with, but you cant go into that with the mindset of “i worship you notice me.” you need to understand that no matter how popular your favorite creator is, theyre literally just a person. thats it. just a person. not a god, not a character, just a person. im really fed up
#these kinds of posts come from me mostly because i am his qpp and feel pretty concerned about his safety and comfort#and you guys reallyyyyyyy test me sometimes!!!!#i dont even like posting all that much anymore because of this#if i dont post something that has to do with knl or uno then nobody cares#i dont feel comfortable riding on his success or just being seen as the person always doing stuff with uno#it was fun when the blog was like a collaborative thing because it felt like both of us were making the content#but more and more i realized the posts that were more drawn by him or in his style were the ones people liked more#and people just also kept assuming he was the only one working on the blog when my username is right fucking yhere at the top#and its just infuriating to see people literally kissing thr ground he walks on#all you guys fucking care about is what unos next move is i swear to god#fucking stalkers all of you#i KNOW some of yall r just gonna say oooh youre just jealous because hes more popular#but dog we have talked multiple times in dms about how hes not cool with this either#thats all whatever this isnt gonna fix anything but what can i do
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Did you listen to Jonny’s newest project Of That Colossal Wreak?
auu no but iv been meaning to 😔😔 that & the new tmagp, but i struggle sm with getting into something new when im so preoccupied with my current fixations.. wdym this isnt the same content iv already heard 10000 times.. scary..
#also slay the princess#i want to get into them so badlyy but my brain is like mmm no. This Current Thing is the only thing we care abt#btwn the mechs & the witcher i apparently just dont have the capacity ig 😔😔😔#maybe some day#probably after its over/no longer very popular#which is how it almost always ends up sjdjfjfjfjf#late to everything
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difficult being a first aid fan and not caring for texaid...
#first aid#i just dont care about it#its incredibly nothing burger to me#yet its one of fa's more popular ships#i feel like texaid is ooc on both sides#its always minimising first aids personality and exaggerating vortexs personality#merc mumbling
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#anyone else literally not phased by halloween#ig its not as popular around my parts#the only thing i enjoy are the haribos that go on sale straight after LMFAO#like id love 2 do simblreen but i just. dont care about spooky stuff
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least favorite saiki ship and why ?
IT SCARES ME THAT THIS IS ON ANON. WHAT IF I SAY THAT I HATE A SHIP AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THE PERSON THAT ASKED THIS IS LIKE THE CEO OF THAT SHIP OR SOMETHING.
... its torisai LMAO.
i dont like saying it on here much cuz its one of the most popular ships in the fandom (the number one most popular ship is kubokai, and im not a fan of that either ☠️ i just think theyre the ship you get from looking at the show/manga purely at surface level and just picking two characters that are close friends and saying 'they should date' even though they wouldnt actually fit together.. i just dont see it personally lol.. OKAY ANYWAY SORRY-) but i really dont like torisai 🧍🏻♀️
(im about to talk about sa under this, fair warning)
i literally just posted today about people shipping things in ways that mildly trigger me, and torisai shippers do it pretty bad !! for some reason, mikorei shippers and yumetori shippers etc dont really do the thing that torisai shippers do where they romanticize sexual assault in the way they write them.. im not sure why that is, maybe they think that men cant be sa'd in the way women can ? they think cuz its a gay ship that its okay to write tori sexually harassing and assaulting him (+acting like its cute, not tagging it accordingly with warnings, etc) ? crazy. especially since saiki is implied to be a victim of sa (or at least is canonically a victim of sexual harassment and attempted sa) by his brother..
that whole thing is something i genuinely think is awful and nobody should romanticize sa, but toritsuka isn't inherently awful and still had potential and good character development, so that alone doesnt really make the ship that bad since the shippers are the problem.. i actually used to be okay with it until the shippers ruined it for me, but thinking critically about it (and thinking about WHY the shippers believe that their dynamic is so sexually abusive) did make me realize how much the ship sucks anyway.. (imo !!)
its partly because i project onto saiki, but i already mentioned how saiki is canonically a victim of (at least attempted) sa, and i reallly believe that he would not be interested in dating someone who is so obsessed with sex to the point where he canonically sexually harasses people and tries to peep without their consent !! he is literally an sa victim, obviously that would make him so uncomfortable!!
their friendship at the end of the series is nice and one of the most developed in the series, so i get where people got the ship from, cat tank incident invites a lot of content about them... but toritsuka still has a lot of work to do on himself before he can date ANYONE, and ESPECIALLY a literal sa victim..
when he saw saiki as a girl, one of the first things he did was DIRECTLY ask him about his boobs.. WHY WOULD HE DATE HIM AFTER THAT SKSNKAKAMSK..
actually lol, when i made that post today about ship content that triggers me, part of that was specifically inspired by torisai shippers lol.. (not all ofc and no hate, it just isnt my thing !! torisai mutuals i love u please don't unfollow me..) ive seen multiple people post about how they love torisai BECAUSE they would be absolutely awful for each other and bring out the worst in one another.. like hmm.. great for you if you enjoy that, but that is entirely why i DONT ship it !! i hate ships like that, i love my fluffy healthy romantic ships !!
okay anyway anyway, i love their platonic friendship, they care about each other lots, theyre one of the most developed in the series, their friendship has lots of potential, etc.. i just dont see it romantically !!! maybe in the far far future, but definitely not at the point they are at the end of the series..
#do not open this if youre gonna get upset if someone criticizes your ship#its one of the most popular ones so if ur seeing this then the chances that u ship it r very high#im not trying to hate please this is just my opinion i love you guys#im also open to criticism btw i dont really mind if you comment on here about why you like this ship#u dont have to though i doubt anyone will care about my opinion at all LOL#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post#meownalysis
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