#ive always been like thissss

[primordialwhale]

pathological demand avoidance is so stupid

like before it super shot up in popularity i definitely had an interest in checking out the cooking dungeon manga/anime

but now that every 5th post on my dash is "you MUST consume it" (even tho i know LOGICALLY they are JOKES) my brain is like

"actually i hate it on principal now the sight of it makes me sick and fills me with a visceral anger i cannot describe and if i see one more of these posts im going to bite someone"

and i KNOW its silly and stupid!!! esp since its a media i KNOOOOOOOOW id like and its also such a Big reaction over Nothing. Brains are DUMB and i HATE THEM.

[saintobio]

HELLOOO FINALLY GOT TO SEND AN ASK!!!

first of allllll…. i think the time momjo sending the child guardian paper (?) that satoru typed out of anger is a hint…. and then satoru telling yn that sachiro called akemi mama… this honestly hurts alot more, imahine carrying your baby for 9 months, taking care of baby sachiro for 3 years alone, all the sleepless nights… and sachiro just ugh u dumbass small brain toddler (literally). anyways, satoru looking at akemi during suguru and shoko’s wedding, his hand rubbing akemi’s stomach at the cabin when she was in pain. honestly this part was akemi faking her pain or…? cuz there was a line that said after satoru asked if she wanted to go home her face didnt show anymore pain ? lololll idk. i dislike (hate) gojokemi but i think theyre gonna be endgame with all these theories coming up oh godddd. and the way yn threw the necklace into the lake, satoru went to search for it but did he manage to find it ? no. but during sn yn (well, suguru) found gojos wedding band. so in sy, yn threw away satoru’s “heart”, and it was never found again, thats a hint (?) bruhhh i hate thissss (i love this so much actually it made me feel so much i love u saint) i also recall the first time satoru and akemi first did it together he said smthg like i could learn to love u ? if i remember correctly. and the morning at the cabin after yn and gojo did it, yn was crying bcs they had a heartfelt talk ? and u mentioned they both felt guilty. the guilt is…. yeah.

BUT ALSO, satoru once said that yn has always been the one, sera when she saw gojo after forever told sukuna that he looks different when hes being with akemi, like hes not being himself? but that was when they first got together so idk about now. him not calling gojokemi exclusive. oh how they were happy and loving when yn got pregnant 🥹 but well it lasted until… yeah. also u said something about gojo gonna be on his knees again, since yn is now depressed and suicidal, i think for her heart disease shes gonna sign a DNR, then satoru on his knees maybe begging the doctors idk gawd idk someone mentioned dnr and i just… 🙂 its not that she wanna leave sachiro either, but i think shes telling herself everything will be better if she dies since sachiro, still very young, doesnt even really remember yn (just why sachiro) and called akemi mama… also why the hell didnt gojo use protection when fucking akemi oh gawd pls hate u satoru if she gets preggo.

anyways, i cant wait for gen to be back. i love u gen and ian.

oooh i also remember that you said there was a scene that inspired the birth of sn/sy, was it in chapter 11 ? or we’re not there yet…

honestly why dont yn just join shoko and suguru and be in a happy poly relationship ever looollll just kidding. my heart hurts, im still all in for gojoyn endgame but it doesnt seem realistic. ive been cursing gojo and akemi ever since the chapter came out loolll gotta give myself credit for being able to do my exams while still thinking bout this. 💀

omg there’s a lot to unfold here idk where to start 😭 but i just wanna say, it’s amazing how you’re so thorough in remembering those details in sn/sy bcos i honesty don’t have enough attention span to do that !!! sdjsj now while i can’t answer everything you mentioned, i can say a few things:

- akemi isn’t faking her pain, she’s truly struggling from it

- gojo doesn’t want kids outside of marriage (or should i say if not with yn), so he’s definitely careful with it.

- yes, it is indeed sy11 that birthed the sequel :’) i had that scene in mind before sn was even finished

[lizzyaka]

Man I love the secret history. But like... it's so strange that people can't love a book and also be horrified??? The characters make me sick to my stomach. I wish ppl would talk more about how Julian is perhaps the most dangerous out of all of them. They all already have issues, mostly from being insulated from real life bc of wealth + the aimlessness that comes from that, but they didn't HAVE to end up like that. Obviously they all played their parts and are Fucked Up.

At the same time Julian... scares me honestly. The others don't really scare me except maybe for Henry. He SEES how fucked up these kids are. And encourages them to be even worse. As their teacher, their only teacher. It's a cult!!! Ironically that French teacher at the beginning was completely right; it's chilling how much Julian isolates them, how deeply fucking elitist he is, how he molds and shapes all of them into his personal vision??? The almost god-like way they look at him?? His reaction to hunting for Bunny and comparing it to a Dostoyevsky novel. He doesn't care that they killed anyone! He just cares that he found them out, or that they didn't tell him. I can also never figure out if he slept with Henry or not. Idk there's just something about Julian that is deeply, deeply inhuman. While all the group is deeply fucked up, I think there's another level of evil to be an authority figure and to encourage that behavior. There is no way he didn't know they were all alcoholics or about Charles and Camilla. Interestingly, Richard observes him accurately before his judgment is clouded by endearment, that Julian seems nice but is incredibly manipulative, and that there is nothing behind his eyes. Bunny is easy to hate, he's a schoolyard bully. Julian is the type to encourage his student to stand up to him when he knows they'll lose, and gently persuade them that it's a lesson about the futility of fighting inevitable hierarchies. He makes my skin crawl. I love this fucking book.

I agree with everything you said and i think you worded it all so perfectly!

I dont like to blame everything on julian bc at the end of the day the class were grown adults and i cant standdd when people baby them but julian IS responsible for much of their behavior. The way i see it these were people who were always very isolated and as a defense mechanism they probably further alienated themselves by blaming it on their superiority (like, its not that i dont fit in bc im weird or different in a negative way but rather that im too intelligent and too special for everyone else) and julian only encouraged this mindset and not only endorsed their psychological estrangement from society but also PHYSICALLY isolated them. So this obviously is the main cause for them being so horrifyingly out of touch with reality which led them to commit murder so easily among other things (incest,suicide.....)

And about julian and henry having an affair IM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP BC IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT THISSSS

I recently read this article called the secret oral history of Bennington which ill link (bennington is the college donna tartt went to that inspired hampden, as well as other authors such as bret easton ellis who btw is whom the secret history is dedicated to) and please i urge you to read it bc its fascinating. It doesnt focus solely on donna but it does talk a lot about her and gives so much insight into what inspired the secret history. did you know most characters are based on real people? This includes henry and julian. One of the things that stood out to me about the article was how common student-teacher relationships were in bennington and it reminded me of henry and julian and how i originally dismissed the idea of them being involved, but that it would make sense knowing that. AND IN FACTTT the man julian is based on WAS gay and notoriously pursued inappropriate relationships with a lot of his male students. So do with that information what you will but personally i do think they were sleeping together

[aardvaark]

the librarians "and the final curtain" (s2 finale) watch through:

"i made some very bad bicycle pant choices in 1995" "there are no good bicycle pant choices" adorable flynn/eve banter as always

no internet, no electricity, that really would cause a lot of problems. i mean, hospitals, for one thing…

yeah exactly! this is not very prospero at all really! whats that about??

ooh i like that they give an explanation as to why flynn’s note to himself was so vague. often im watching a show like this and thinking "okay but why the riddles? just leave some instructions, damn".

"im gonna hate time travel, aren’t i?" me too baird me too

that schrodingers cat joke is the best!!

Cassandra: It’s Schroedinger’s cat.

Flynn: No, he's upstairs in the Theoretical Animals wing.

Cassandra, whispering: He's alive?

lmaooo baird saying "WAS THE WORLD ORIGINALLY RULED BY TALKING DINOSAURS FLYNN." [to cassandra] "don’t even think about it." baird is good at preventing cassandra from either getting off track or straight up breaking her brain lmao. don’t even think about it!!

oh this show gets all my issues with time travel plots cause they always break my brain a little. they just talked about one of the grandfather paradox variants.

oh damn. seriously how do baird & flynn come back??

ah man the time travel is getting complicateddd stop talking to this very important figure whose works & life are still very much known today

aw, jenkins thinking about arthur coming back… seems like jenkins has had some great times but also definitely some incredibly long lonely stretches…

ooh yes ive read about how prospero/the tempest relates to shakespeare, as one of the last plays he wrote alone!

now moriarty killing shakespeare would’ve straight up been the grandfather paradox since shakespeare-as-prospero brought moriarty into the real world, so he wouldn’t have existed if they killed shakespeare back then.

parker would like magic because like 80% of the time it’s just used as a blue lightning taser.

speaking of parker, hi again beth riesgraf.

is baird uh. is she good? is she drowning, or are the lake ladies just kinda hanging out?

"what kind of sorcery is this" 🎶 what kind of fuckeryyy is thissss 🎶 (me & mr jones).

ohhhh my god are they really not gonna come back to the present?? im so stressed!!

"time travel the long way round" & "anybody can time travel, just in one direction" haha. funny and also a little poetic :)

okay this season finale was STRESSFUL but also very very awesome

[gothushi]

partially because it's been the flavour of a lot of my interactions with your bots : But which of our boys would be absolutely a *mess* when they find out you're pregnant? Who's the most likely to be just constantly trying to spoil and protect you? And... who is most likely to run? (not ACTUALLY run, but sort of wants to at the beginning)

(brought to you by a recent interaction with one of your Seb bots panicking over a pregnancy)

THISSSS ive been wanting to delve into the boys being dads and dealing with pregnancy but ive nvr done it before nor have i read much in terms of tht.

for the boys most likely to be very protective.. spoiling u a lot… i think we know the obvious answer. rob. and in other terms, nikolai. those two are definitely the most territorial of the boys and charlie is just under them. all three would actually be completely overjoyed, but also violently protective. rob wld refuse to leave on any work trips longer than maybe a few days, nikolai wld be by ur side constantly, and charlie trusts u enough for him to be away for work during the day but once he’s home he’s all over u glued to ur side to do anything u need. even in the early stages of pregnancy, nikolai especially is very territorial. keeps u behind him, hand on u at all times, keeps u marked as his, growls at any others who get too close to u. some feral vampire thing. rob constantly babies u. always massaging ur sore muscles, rubbing ur feet, he takes over the cooking and cleaning even when u tell him he doesn’t have to. charlie does the same, fusses and snaps at u to stay down, sit, stop getting up, ask for things, but he does it all with love even if he sounds kinda angry.

also, speaking of charlie. i think if it were in the early stages of ur relationship he’d be scared at first. he didn’t have anyone to care deeply abt before, so the thought of smth so intimate happening, u carrying his child, has him a bit terrified, and he doesn’t necessarily run but he does pull back a bit, is more snappy, stays at work longer, he’s smoking more often, until u just end up breaking down bc u think oh god he doesn’t love u anymore he regrets it. but once that happens he snaps out of that headspace and completely switches up, confesses his genuine undying love for u as he had before, reassures u that this is really what he wants, he was scared. it takes a lot for him to admit that. babies u, does everything the others do in the end.

i think simon wld actually run. if we’re talking in the midst of brendan stuff, he’d easily shut down his brain and just disappear. completely go ghost on u and u just have no idea what happened. u worry that he’s dead or smth, yk? but after a couple months he comes back, completely broken as a man, tired and wanting to just live his life again free of this mess. (i fesr all the boys would eventually be sweet, caring, rub ur sore muscles, cook meals for u, look up things that can help, all of em. some just lean more some ways.)

ernst wld just looove to start a family. i think he’s such a girl dad. he’d cry like a baby when u tell him. wld be so attentive to ur every need, wld know a lot of different remedies and things to make u feel better bc he researches everything easily, remembering little details abt what u like. same with father anthony. ugh just looooves to be a dad.

depending on where we’re at in lukes story is how he’ll react. if it’s earlier in his career, before his eye injury, he’d probably be pretty fucking terrified. i don’t know if he’d go as far as to ghost u bc i mean .. u know where he lives. u know his game and practice schedule. so. can’t rly do that even if he wanted to. but he’d be a bit distant, more harsh, more anxious around u. he’s absolutely terrified of passing on his condition, terrified of ruining someones life, and he doesnt rly know how to like … love smth like that. he’s still got his own issues w u, how’s he supposed to raise a kid? but, it gets worked through. similar to charlie, u either end up breaking down or just straight up snapping on him. gets his head outta his ass real quick. if it’s a bit later after he’s retired, recovered from surgery, adjusted to his new life, he’s thrilled beyond belief. granted, if it’s too soon after everything happened and he’s dealing with everything he’ll probably panic a little but then just sob bc he loves u so much and he wants a family so bad no matter how scared he had been

now seb.. it’s kinda same how w luke, it depends on where ur at in his life. early on if he’s still dealing with severe issues, bad anxiety, his bipolar and anger problems, i mean, he’s just a mess. walks right out and u don’t hear from him for a few days. it takes a long time probably to get everything straightened around again .. and get him into some therapy and on some medication. but, again like luke, if it’s a bit later on after he’s opened up abt his issues, after he’s accepted help and has slowly learnt to cope, regulate his emotions, found some meds that work for him, i mean.. tbh i think he’d be pretty damn happy. i think he’s such a girl dad too. wld probably take a little while to like … remember everything u need help with.. and by god are ur mood swings throwing him for a loop. often jokes ‘is this how i was?’

[nuchester]

i NEEEED daron malakian headcanonsNOW 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

RAHHHH IVE BEEN MEANING TO WRITE FOR HIM FOR SO LONG 😻😻

Here are some Daron Malakian hc’s!

SFW 😋

- he definitely always wants you at every single one of his shows. He likes knowing you’re there supporting him

- he doesn’t gaf what the other boys think, he’ll always bring you on tours with them

- sharing a bunk with him in a tour bus 🤭

- young Daron would LOVE listening to his own music, always turning up the volume on the stereo when a system song comes on

- current Daron (since I think he’s shied down a little), would hate hearing his voice in recordings. He’d always blush and get all shy if you’re listening to a system/scars song with him there

- if you were to go into the living room while he’s watching an oilers game, you’d be trapped for at least an hour by him explaining every single thing about hockey to you

- AHH imagine getting an oilers jersey with his last name on it and seeing how flustered he looks 😍😍

- we know that young Daron was a jerk (obviously as a joke but still), but he’d always be extra extra careful with the jokes he makes with you. He would never wanna accidentally hurt your feelings

- the RANTS this man would go on about Armenia (and politics in general)

- I think as he got older he also got a little more insecure, so any praise from you is very very appreciated

- it’s no shocker he likes taller women, so any time you wear heels (or if you’re taller than 5’7), he’d be blushing so hard

NSFW 😋

- young Daron was probably freaky af

- VERY dominant I have no doubt

- current Daron probably calmed down. I wouldn’t say he’s vanilla, but definitely appreciates the romantic and emotional side of sex way more than he did before

- when I think of Daron, I think 6 inches, maybe 6 and a half 😋

- no matter what era, man NEEDS music to fuck. You two would probably have a looooongggg shared playlist of songs 🫣

- hair pulling? I think he’d love doing it and receiving it

- like I said before, current Daron would LOVE the closeness of sex. He would love any position where he can look at you and be close to you

- young Daron would love any position where he’s on top and in control, i.e doggy, missionary, etc

- current daron would probably prefer having you on top. He would looove watching you, your facial expressions, your body language, all of it

- like most of the people I’ve written for, aftercare wasn’t a strong point for Daron earlier on

- after 2008, i think he would’ve started to realize how important it is, and his goal would be trying to master it

I can’t do thissss i NEED him 😫😭

I hope whoever reads this enjoys it, because I got butterflies just thinking of ideas

[weirdprophetess]

been seeing people talk about Ethel Cain a lot and had chills the entire time i watched her perform Morning Elvis with Florence so I'm playing Preacher's Daughter for the first time and writing notes as I go

fair warning this is an incredibly long post

first of all i have to say i love this album cover the dark warm browns are gorgeous and really give off that rural small town vibe and i read a few articles about her so i know she grew up in a place like that and the album title is describing her because her dad was a deacon of the church her and her family grew up in

the basssss the bass starting family tree ooooooohhhhh i love that

these crosses all over my body remind me of who i used to be and christ forgive these bones im hiding from no one successfully jesus can always reject his father but he cannot escape his mothers blood W H A T

THE BEATSSS THEYRE SO DARK AND DRAMATIC AND ATMOSPHERIC IM SCREAMING IM ONE MINUTE IN AND THIS IS MAYBE THE BEST ALBUM INTRO IVE EVER HEARD

my brain chemistry has already been altered i instantly need this on vinyl

loveee the guitar starting off american teenagerrrrrr

the suspended vocalization tooooooo)(U*U@PIHF@

i love love love her voice its so rich and she does deep and high notes both so amazingly welllllllll screaming

the melody the flow of the lyrics the beat the synthy floaty sounds im deadddd i love thissss i want to rip it apart like soft hot bread and eat ittttt

SAY WHAT YOU WANT BUT SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT WITH YOU F I S T S FOR ONCE

MAIN CHARACTER TYPE SONG I LOVE THE IRONY I LOVE TEH SADNESS IM GOING TO WALK AROUND TO THIS SO MUCH THAT IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST HONORS I CAN GIVE A SONG @mothercain YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE BITCHHHH

I HAVE FINISHED TWO SONGS AND ITS ALREADY MY NEW PERSONALITY TIME TO HYPERFIXATE FOR MONTHS AND LET IT TAKE OVER THIS WHOLE FUCKING BLOG

THE SUSPENDED PIANO NOTES FOR HOUSE IN NEBRASKA???? Y E S

THE ECHOEY VOCALS MAKE ME INSANE IM CLAWING AT THE WALLS RENDING MY GARMENTS GNASHING MY TEETH OH MY GODDDDDD

I STILL CALL HOME THAT HOUSE IN NEBRASKA WHERE WE FOUND EACH OTHER IN A DIRTY MATTRESS ON THE SECOND FLOOR WHERE THE WORLD WAS EMPTY SAVE YOU AND I WHERE YOU CAME AND I LAUGHED AND YOU LEFT AND I CRIED WHERE YOU TOLD ME EVEN IF WE DIED TONIGHT THAT ID DIE YOURS

YOU KNOW I STILL WAIT AT THE EDGE OF TOWN PRAYING STRAIGHT TO GOD THAT MAYBE YOULL COME BACK AROUND I HAVE FULL BODY CHILLSSSSSS

THE ROCK GUITAR SMASHING IN AND BEING SO CRUNCHY GODDDDDDDDD

He's never looked more beautiful on his Harley in the parking lot breaking into the ATMs sleeping naked when it gets too hot from what ive heard people say about Lana Del Rey's music this sounds like she might've been an influence

show me how much i mean to you while im lying in these sheets undressed id hold the gun if you ask me to but if you love me like you say you do would you ask me to troubles always gonna find you baby but so will i crying only because im happy hold me across every state line im never gonna leave you baby even if you lose whats left of your mind cause you know ill be right there beside you riding through those western nights

ooh there's another song called family tree the first one was family tree (intro) but there's track five without (intro) delicious

oohhhhhooohohoho same first two lines but then new lyrics

give myself up to him in offering let him make a woman out of me ooooh hoo hoo hooooo

so family tree is a banger

i immediately thought emo cowboy on hearing those lyrics and google actually gave me that so thank you whoever made this image because its truly the essence of this album

the next one is hard times and the first thing i thought of was paramore ive been obsessed with that song lately

nine going on eightaayynn lay it on meeeeeeheeeeheeeee yessssss

im tiiiiired of you too tiiiiired to leave im tiiiired of you still tiiiiied to meeeee

I MET YOU THERE IN TEXAS

MY ASS WHO LIVES IN TEXAS👀👀👀

i met you there in texas somewhere on the thoroughfare on the side of the road with a pistol in my pocket i didnt trust no one but you said baby dont run ill take you anywhere

AND YOU SAID HEY DO YOU WANNA SEE THE WEST WITH MEEEHEEEEEE CAUSE LOVES OUT THERE AND I CANT LEAVE IT BEEEEEE AND I SAID HONEY LOVES NEVER MEANT MUCH TO ME BUT ILL COME WITH YOU IF YOURE SURE ITS WHAT YOU NEED

love love lovvveeeeee the beat that comes in a bit before that part

sad cowgirl winter lets go girls

i am halfway through this album and ive made more notes than i have for some albums twice the length thats how good 13 track albums always are

its not a real cowboy album if youre not spending the last two minutes of a nine and a half minute song just vocalizing

oh the nexts songs called gibson girl ive heard of that but i forgot what it is hang on

a type of drawing by a man named Charles Gibson of the ideal woman of the 1890s ooh should be interesting

the intro for this songgggg

the production is the fucking besttttt

the echoes for this one too yesss i love this shitttt

i dont even know what image to put this over but just youre all the same black leather and dark glasses pourin another while i shake my ass hes cold blooded so it takes more time to bleed obsession with the money addicted to the drugs says hes in love with my body thats why hes fucking it up

the guitar breakkkkkkk:PO(*&^%$^;l;pqokpiaw

next ones name is ptolemaea so lemme go look that up too

oh yeahhh that greek astrologer dude okay

ooh the distortion in the beginningggg

the intensity building is so horror-like i love it

the screech on the last stop made me jump a lil goodbye

I am the face of loves rage what the fuck

the guitar and drums all getting more intense after that line remind of of the end of I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers ill take ten million more songs with that please

the entire ending um???

its a good thing i decided to listen to this album around noon and not the middle of the night because i love demonic speaking parts but not when my eyes arent adjusted to the dark girl

ooh august underground is an instrumental i went to look up the lyrics and apparently its named after a horror film trilogy so ill probably check that out soon

televangelism is also purely instrumental and genius says its ethels ascent to heaven as music god this sounds gorgeous

what i wouldnt give to be in church this sunday listening to the choir so heartfelt all singing god loves you but not enough to save you so good luck on your own baby so i said fine cause thats how my daddy raised if they strike one once then you just hit em twice as hard but in the end the fire bent under the weight they gave me and this heart would break and fall twice as far eating these lyrics

WE ALL KNOW HOW IT GOES THE MORE IT HURTS THE LESS IT SHOWS BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE THEY ALL KNOW AND THATS WHY I COULD NEVER G O BACK HOME E T H E L THERE IS NO NEED TO EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS???

SO I MET HIM THERE AND TOLD HIM I BELIEVE SINGING IF ITS MEANT TO BE THEN IT WILL BE AND I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME IM STILL PRAYING FOR THAT HOUSE IN NEBRASKA BY THE HIGHWAY OUT ON THE EDGE OF TOWN DANCING WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN I CANT LET GO WHEN SOMETHINGS BROKEN ITS ALL I KNOW AND ITS ALL I WANNA KNOW

one more song i have no idea what to say

freezer bride, your sweet divine look i have been obsessed with the locked tomb for over a year im not going to NOT think of Alecto when i see this

when my mother sees me on the side of a carton in winn-dixie's dairy aisle like the one promo picture for this right

and arlington's in texas👀👀👀

f.inisheddd thea lbum(*&#!OHPI#!HFo

wow what the hell was that im going to obsess over it forever

if there is not a colored vinyl of this i am going to fucking murder someone this deserves something gorgeous for me to stare at while its playing

in conclusion i cannot in any way let my religious mother know im trying to get this album so im going to work with my friend who helps me get explicit/gay music my mom wont let me because spotifys alright but i need to listen to this on my little portable cd player with headphones on full blast on the floor in the middle of the night because truly every album experience is better that way but especially shit like this

ethel if youre reading this how the everloving FUCK is this your debut album this literally deserves a grammy we all know they havent been shit for a while but if you dont get one for this im going to maul the entire Academy for real. keep doing weird shit i literally heard about you from Morning Elvis with Florence, my number one weird music woman and her taste has not failed me yet, especially not after an hour of being immersed in this

[mangoposts]

matt and tara would look so good next to each other like i just cannot do this anymore holy fuck😭 u guys don’t understand i have been waiting for this moment since 2021 (i’ve been a tara fan since 2018 when she was in sam and colby and jake’s vids and a sturniolo fan since 2021) IVE ALWAYS WANTED THISSSS

IVE BEEN A FAN SINCE THE SAM AND COLBY VIDEOS TOO😭😭😭😭😭 either of them could look good with her but CHRIS FOR THE VERSATILITY 😜

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

n, o, t, z for the fandom ask game 😁

n: Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

this question had me think for a bit, im mostly content with whats going on in the fandoms i participate in, buuuuuuuuuuut then i recalled:

1) i once watched a video essay on ning yi that really impressed me. (i just searched the internet up and down to link it but i cant!!! find it!!!! whatt iisss thissss) anyway, i want more of that!!! for rise of pheonixes fandom, but also for WOH and for TYK!!! i neeeeeeeeEEEed it

2) generally more academic-approached textanalysis for tian ya ke. im dYING to read something like that!

3) for the fics i would like to request MESSINESS in regards to zhou zishu and wen kexing respectfully, thank u (BONUS IF THEY HAVE AFFAIRS ON THE SIDE OR SLEEP AROUND)

o: Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

i threw a dart and it landed on this which reminds me of wen kexing in that moment in the novel when hes gearing up to slaughter mo huaiyang and hes all exhausted and bleeding but he needs to avenge his a-xiang‘s silly little husband. (i lied i dont have darts. i clicked next in my epic orchestral music playlist and this is what showed up.)

(while im typing this this started playing and now im thinking about elizabeth swan ,, ,,,, im so gay)

t: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

the headcanon i told u last night, about zzs and ljx! i dare u to reread qiye!!! come fight meeeeeeee!!!!!

z: Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

UM. ive always been very passionate about fictional characters and fictional worlds. when we were kids i would share comics with my brother and we would read them together, when i grew out of my childhood books my sister inherited them and grew to love them just as much as i do. my mom is not a tokio hotel fan per se, and she doesnt watch the same shows or read the same books as me, but we tell each other what we are currently invested in and she loves seeing what i create. fandom can looks like anything, it can be small and offline and familiar and private like what i just described, or it can be subscribing to magazines and read the fan theories and fan letters that are published in it. it can be organizing big events like conventions and forge a bridge between fans and the source material. it can be a community on social media like here on tumblr. but its in its essence all the same, people—sometimes literal strangers— forming connections to eachother simply because they are all in some way moved by the same thing, generating new thought and creativity everyday and cultivating a culture of communication and cultural exchange, entirely seperate from our capitalist society, and i think thats really beautiful

fandom ask game

[despisydraws]

Just dropping in to say that I hope you’re doing well 💕

Hey!!! I'm doing amazing atm actually, I feel like everything is playing out very well for me😇

Thank you so much for dropping by, I didn't expect anyone to think of me haha! You kinda made my day🥺❤ Hope you're doing well too!!

[ffsg0jo]

Hizashi and his real wife - wdym HIS real wife WHY CAN'T SHE BE MINEEE NEMURI PLEASEEE JUST ONCE CHANCE !!!!

5 top buttons are undone - brother just take it off atp shirts don't even have that many more buttons

"you didn't need more than this" - brb gonna go cry

still not over aizawa's words last chapter btw, i went to sleep and got back up and was still thinking damn bro fr lost his shit over what? a phone call? calm down big guy (im so totally biased here)

"was it at least kind of hot" - ma'am it would've been if i wasn't in tears and about to kms in front of his office

"you clearly have a thing for assholes" - fairs but you didn't have to say it out loud

"seemingly forgetting your relationship was in fact closed" - ma'am imma need an address !!!!

“Please don’t tell me you’re taking him back,” he begs. Apparently, your face answers for you. because he draws back, horror drawn across his features. “No. No! You're better than this!” - REALLLLL HE'S SO REALL FOR THATTTT AS A FRIEND IVE BEEN THERE BUT GADAYYUM

"Mediocrity fits you well" - honestly I would agree if touya was mediocre but bros just terrible atp. Mediocre would be that one office worker in chapter 1 that wasn't even mentioned by name.

Not in love with sex - truer words have never been said tbh and the more I hear about touya the more I wanna slam his head into a wall

"Dark hair" - girl you're not gonna believe this but boy do i have someone for YOU

“Pretend I’m not here.”  He says, leaning back with a smirk. - genuinely I have never loved anyone more than I have hizashi in this fic i stg he better not switch up and become evil because he's my pillar rn

"Someone you know" - I can't even blame her because her self destructive tendencies are so relatable. You know you shouldn't text them but a part of you just so desperately wants that familiarity

OMG I JUST REALISED AVOID AND AIZAWA ARE PROBABLY NEXT TO EACHOTHER IN HER CONTACTS AND SIS JUST CLOSED HER EYESS LMFAOOOOOO9

My toes are curling in cringe oh dear oh dear

OHHH NOOOO OH NOO OH NOOO ITS LIKE WATCHING A TRAIN CRASH AND BURN AND NOT BEING ABLE TO LOOK AWWAYYY OH NOO DEAR LORD JE WANTS HER HE WANTS HER HES ALWAYS WANTED HER IM GONNA SCREQMAMMMM

I have to take a break this is too much I can't do this I really can't I know the realisation is gonna hit hard and I'm not prepared for it

The way aizawa is so different from touya I want him so bad just one little taste that's all I need

"Things are finally good again" - chat who's gonna tell her 🥲🥲

'The man is already trying to apologise" -> I bet you looked so pretty when you came. - literally kill me now just slit my throat because WHAY THE FOOOK NOOO I CANT DO THIS I CANT DO THISSSS I HATE THAT ITS SO OBVIOUS IT WASNT TOUYA AND I KNEW IT WAS AIZAWA BUT I WAS HOPING AND PRAYING IT WASNT

MINT YOUVE OUTDONE YOURSELF I PHYSICALLY CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE SHIT SHIT IM GONNA SCREQMAMMMM I GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYY

it's the way he's always wanted her im gonna cry wdym he's always wanted to bend her over her desk AND THE FLUFFY SLIPPER MENTION TOOOO TOUYA COULD NEVERRRR

my life will end if these two don't get together but because miscommunication is heavy in this series I'm literally in doubt every single second

AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREAMMUNNGGGGGGG IDK WHAT TO DOOOOO IDK WAHT TO DOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SO GOOD UGHHH A MASTERPIECE TRULY

Inevitable Things: chapter three

aizawa x reader fic

cw: cisfem reader, no quirks, office au, miscommunications, slow burn, sexting, alcohol consumption. full tags available on AO3 (linked in masterlist)

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

Hizashi and his (real) wife are exactly the type of people that you want to notice you from across the room. While Hizashi is long and lean, Nemuri is all curves, with a delightfully heart shaped face and wide, thick thighs that you can’t stop yourself from looking at sometimes. Her dark hair is pressed into curls, as deep and as black as her lipstick.

“Do you want a taste?” Nemuri leans in, elbows tucked against her ribcage, pushing her chest up just a bit more. Her dress is sheer enough that you can catch a hint of nipple, dark and pearled up in the cold-

“Uh-?” You rip your eyes away. Two drinks in and you’re already ogling. You’d feel bad about it if the couple didn’t absolutely bask in the attention.

“Of my drink.” Nemuri says, like she knows what she's doing. “Taste my drink.”

“Leave the poor girl alone- Shouta has her all riled up.” Hizashi laughs, wrinkling his nose in delight as he watches the both of you. His cheeks are flushed with alcohol, glasses off kilter one way and smile tilted the opposite. The top five buttons of his business appropriate top are undone, meaning he’s also sporting a bit too much nipple for late afternoon. 

“I was just trying to see that pretty smile,” she pouts, with the almost unobtainable balance of sweet and sexy.  You’re not sure if she’s really this pretty, or if it's rose colored glasses, tinted by your own jealousy.

You take Nemuri's drink and tip it back, swallowing it faster than your brain can process the flavor. It's gin, maybe absinthe: you just know that it burns. Fighting through your gag reflex, you offer a quick grin, one much less wobbly than it was earlier. 

“Aw, there it is!”

Nemuri runs the city’s one and only ‘lifestyle club’: Midnight. From what you've heard, it's a very lux, beautiful venue, filled with torrid amounts of untold debauchery and countless swingers. Technically, the couple started it together- which, now that you’re thinking about it, says a lot about their relationship. They’re the type of couple that’s almost too similar: they're too much, too loud, too nice, too confident. 

 Most of your friends couldn’t leave work midday on a Thursday, so your ‘birthday bash’ is less exciting than Hizashi had originally planned. That’s fine; you didn’t need more than this.

“Are you feeling better?” Hizashi asks softly. The restaurant is quiet, with only a couple of other tables filled. The three of you had chosen a booth in the very back, hidden away from everyone else who wanted a quiet meal; the waiter seems grateful for that. He’s in the opposite corner, checking his phone and waiting for you to finish your drinks before heading back over. Drinking at 3 in the afternoon isn’t usually your style, but you think you deserve it today. It’s a hat trick: breaking up, turning thirty, and getting screamed at. Maybe a meteor will fall from the sky and really add insult to injury.

“No.” You slump into the booth and the room follows suit. “Aizawa's such an asshole.”

The couple gives you identical looks: tiled heads and pressed lips. Both of them are a bit older than you, 37 and 38, but most of the time you don’t feel the gap. Today, however, you do; you feel like a baby, sucking down fruity drinks while moping about. It’s incredibly childish, but you just can’t stop yourself. You want time to be sad.

“He doesn’t mean to be.” Hizashi starts. 

“But he is!” you whine. “I don’t know how you guys are even friends with him.”

“He's different outside of work.” Nemuri says. Shit-talking the man puts them into a strange position, you know that. They have all known each other since college; Aizawa had even gotten Hizashi his current position at the company. It’s strange to think that they are friendly-- let alone close- but you guess they’re both friendly with everyone.  “He's a real kitten in real life.”

You try and imagine the guy without a stick up his ass and can’t. What-- is he doing yoga and petting puppies in his free time? As if. All that blue light has rotted his brain.

“He's just crazy stressed. It makes him act like a bone head.” Hizashi  reasons with a shrug, forever unflappable. His own drink is almost empty, so he gestures for another. “I'm sure he'll apologize tomorrow.” 

The bartender is quick to bring you guys another round. He asks about food, which the couple is quick to order, insisting that everything is their treat. That’s probably a good thing; that half a latte you had for breakfast isn’t doing anything to absorb the alcohol in your system and your stomach is growling. In the meantime, you take the cherry out of your drink and chew on it. You’ll have to savor this drink, just to make sure you don’t get too drunk-

Nemuri leans in conspiratorially. “Was it at least kind of hot?”

“What?”

“Having Shouta scold you.”

What.

“What.”

Hot? Hot?

“What.” you repeat, stressing the vowel.

“He's a handsome guy!” she laughs, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “Deep voice, kind of domineering-- it didn't… turn you on a little bit?” 

“And you clearly have a thing for assholes-” Hizashi grins, then yelps, shooting his wife a glare. “Ouch, don't kick me!”

Nevermind. You take a long, long sip of your cocktail until your stomach and vision swirl. You need it.

“And he’s hotter than that idiot you were dating- ‘muri, stop kicking me.”

The only time Touya ever came to your work was for a Christmas party. He was very interested to learn that Hizashi and Nemuri's relationship was open and seemingly forgot that your relationship was, in fact, closed. It's been ages since you forgave him, but Mic still hasn’t moved on. 

“Stop saying dumb shit then.” She rolls her eyes, then returns her attention back to you. “He’s right though.”

“Touya is--”  Defending him is reflexive. It's not that Touya isn't attractive, it just happens to be in his own way. Maybe other people would see it if he smiled more or pulled out some piercings. Sure. you had never seen yourself with someone as grungy as him, but... “He’s handsome and kinda charming.”

The energy shifts. Hizashi practically leaps across the table, scooping your hands into his, eyes wide with horror.

“Please don’t tell me you’re taking him back,” he begs. Apparently, your face answers for you. because he draws back, horror drawn across his features. “No. No! You're better than this!”

That phrase hits you funny and you remember Aizawa told you the same thing. Better than this-- why does everyone decide that you need better? Why can’t you be okay with… just okay? Mediocrity fits you well. 

“Am I?” you say into the glass edge of your drink. 

“You're miles out of his league. You deserve someone with a full time job, and a savings, and who doesn't habitually cheat-”

“Hizashi, leave her alone.” Nemuri glances his way and he immediately complies, throwing his hands up in surrender. When she returns her attention to you, her expression is kinder. “Don’t do something you regret just because you’re sad. You just need to get back in the saddle and you'll feel way better.”

“Yeah, once you're back at work, things will smooth out,” Hizashi says.

“Work isn’t the saddle- a dick is the saddle,” she corrects. “You just need a crazy hook up.”

It’s not that you don’t like sex. You think it’s perfectly fine. You’re just not in love with it the same way these two are. The whole experience of it all is so exciting and wonderful in theory, but in practice? It’s more awkward moments than orgasms. It doesn’t help that Touya is the only person you’ve ever slept with, since he’s admittedly selfish in that department.

You realize you’ve been silent for a suspiciously long amount of time. “Oh, well, uh-” you try to come up with an excuse. “I dunno how to date-- I’ve been with Touya for years.” 

“Sex isn’t dating.” she insists. “It’s just-- mutual fun and understanding. What’s your type?”

“Dark hair, I guess.” You aren’t really sure. “Are you going to bring me to your club and set me up with someone?”

“No way.” She leans forward on to her elbows again. “It’s a bad environment for a beautiful girl who can't say no.”

You try to imagine yourself being hit on, maybe a man buying you a drink or inviting you on to his lap, and can’t bring yourself to say no. You heave a sigh. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“See? You can’t even argue with me. Midnight is the major leagues-- start with the basics. Do you own a vibe?”

You glance over at Hizashi.

“Pretend I’m not here.”  He says, leaning back with a smirk.

“Uh-” You glance between the two, trying to decide how honest you should be. Laughter bubbles out of you that you can’t  quite control. “No?”

Both of them look aghast.

“Finish that drink and get your phone out.” Nemuri demands. “You’re buying yourself a birthday present.”

.

The rest of the night is a bit of a blur. There’s dinner and drinks and a stroll around town, the bits and blurs of laughter and conversation and the back of Hizashi’s car. By the time you’re dropped off at your apartment building, you’re wobbling on your heels and pleading for the world to stay still. Overindulging isn’t usually your speed, but it’s certainly fun.

 Your key barely makes it into your lock and you stumble in, laughing at the way your oven’s clock flashes at you. 8:00: in college you could have been out all night, but now you’re ready for bed before the good television shows come on.  

The bed is still made from this morning, sheets untouched and pillows unsquished.  

You don't want to sleep alone.

The bathroom calls your name. You're supposed to be washing your face, but you can't rip yourself away from your phone long enough to bother. 

You don't want to sleep alone.

Nemuri was right, you just need to get under someone and you'll feel better. You’re itching for it, needy for touch, desperate for the validation that love affords you. Midnight will be open soon and its only a train ride away, but you aren’t a member and Nemuri made it clear you wouldn’t be getting an exception. You could download a dating app and scroll, but the idea of a stranger entering your life and home feels wrong. It’d be easier to stay with something familiar… someone you know..

AVOID AT ALL COST sits at the top of your contacts, mocking you in all capital letters. Touya. The man who won’t even read your texts. At this point, crawling back to his is ugly and pathetic, but your drunk brain keeps looping back to the idea of sex and love and touch and-

You close your eyes for deniability, then click.

i wish you were here<-

iwnt you so bad right now<-

You cringe at the typo, regret sitting heavy in your belly. Read sits heavy at the corner of the screen, taunting you with your mistake-

Your drunk brain catches up. Read? He… read it? Typing bubbles appear, then disappear. Then, they pop up again, typing for an uncomfortably long time. Despite yourself, you get excited, rolling on the balls of your feet and bouncing. Touya is answering you. When you’re starved for affection, even the smallest bits feel like full meals, both saiating you and wetting your mouth for more.

->Are you sure you're texting the right person? 

->I thought you hated me.

You lean against your bathroom sink to steady your hands, giggling and twitting about. 

I wish i hated you lol <-

but i just want you so bad <-

You lean against the sink, watching the little "seen" pop up under your messages. When the typing bubbles don’t immediately appear, you send off another.

 id let you have me <-

 any way you want me <-

You almost stop there, but then you catch your own eye in the mirror. Your outfit is a bit disheveled, your makeup is more than a bit smeared, but you look… good. Just fucked and ready for more. Your dress isn’t low cut enough to be inappropriate for work, but you manage to shimmy it lower, hem pressed just below the curve the lacy edge of your bra. It’s nothing new to him, but it still feels dirty, illicit enough to steal your breath away.

The response is instant.

->God. How are you so…

->Don't tease me if you don't mean it. 

Oh, you’ll tease him alright. You’re going to tempt this man away from wherever he is and back into your bed. You pull your skirt up this time, hiking it all of the way up your thighs until just a hint of your skin toned undies are on display. With the camera just slightly out of focus, it really looks like you've shown him a sliver of cunt.

->Fuck. 

->You're right. I want you. 

->I’ve always wanted you. 

You giddily skip to your room, tossing yourself on your bed. You should really shower first, but your body is hot and primed; your hand is already sliding down, the heel of your palm grinding against your needy core.  You need something to touch you, you need the friction of someone else. There’s a vibrator in your amazon cart, but you can’t wait for 2 day shipping.

For now, the edge of a pillow will have to do. You bunch it below you and rock your hips, searching for that perfect angle that will-

More texts come through.

->I've always thought about fucking you against your desk after everyone else has left. Those stupid slippers over my shoulders. Your lips on mine.

-> I know you taste sweet. All over.

A shiver turns through you. Yes, you need to be tasted, you need his teeth in your neck and his spit on your tits-

are you jacking off right now? <-

There’s a gap. Maybe you've pressed too far.

->Yes. 

I wish my hands were as soft as yours.

 lemme see <-

You expect the messages to dry up there. Touya likes the chase, not the follow through. You put your phone down and shift your weight more, trying to focus on rolling your hips just right. A pressure is building inside you, one that’s warm and fuzzy and rolling into your chest and down into your cunt. Your eyes close and you chase that high.

A message comes through.

A video message.

You scramble to press play, hips rolling against your pillow on their own, searching for friction. 

A barely there moan hits you first.

The video is dark and grainy, but you can make out the shape of his cock, heavy against his thick thigh. His pubes have grown out, a dark patch of hair that trails up his soft stomach and out of frame. You can see every breath he pulls, stomach constricting and expanding. The hand that isn't holding the camera is looped around the base of his cock, squeezing gently before slowly stroking the length. His fingers are slick with lube or precum and they glide over his length, earning you another growl of a moan.

Chills run through your body. Fuck. Holy fuck. He must really miss you. He's throbbing for you and you swear he's bigger than ever. It must be the angle and your drunk mind, but he looks huge.

never shave ever again ok I love how manly it looks <-

and fuck your voice is so hot I almost came from that alone <-

->Are you touching yourself?

yes<-

->Show me.

Embarrassment suddenly hits you. Touya always told you that men were visual creatures and rutting against a pillow like an animal isn’t the ‘porn pretty’ pictures he expects. Usually, you’d comply and pose how you know he likes it, but the room is off kilter and your body is heavy. Besides, Nemuri and Hizashi were right-- an orgasm would fix you. You need to keep going right now or else your stomach’s going to cramp.

i’m embarrassed <-

It’s mostly the truth. You would understand if he stopped texting you after that, but a response comes quickly. 

That’s okay. <-

Tell me about it? <-

Your heart thumps. Then, again. That shouldn’t be hot. 

->i'm humping my pillow and wishing it was you

My leg or my cock? <-

Fuck. When did he get good at this?

->whatever you'll give me

Ride my thigh and we'll see what you deserve.<-

God, it's just words, but you feel electric. When did he get good at this? The heat in your core feels like it's going to consume your whole body and you can't help but to continue to stroke it; you squeeze your thighs and tilt your hips over and over again, thinking about that wide thigh and his manly, big hands. God, you should be texting back, but you're just-- just--

Your orgasm hits you way quicker than usual. It's one that hits you all at once, straightening your back and stealing your breath and just tickling every inch of your core. It's all consuming and followed by the creamy feeling bliss that you so desperately needed. As you  flop forward and sink into your mattress, sleep nipping at your heels, you gather yourself enough to send one final picture.

You collect your cum in your fingers and scissor them back and forth, letting the wetness web in between. When you lift your hand, it catches in the overhead light, clear and lovely and all for him. The photo you take is a bit out of focus, exhaustion settling into your bones, but it’s very clear when you’re showing.

-> next time you make me cum ebtter be in person

-

The next morning you wake up to a pounding headache and fuzzy teeth, but your body feels good. There’s something looser, lighter, inside you, like you’ve relaxed for the first time in forever.  You can’t even bring yourself to care that your phone is dead or that you’re running a bit late to work. It’s awful to admit, but Nemuri was right- an orgasm really did fix you. Maybe that’s why the two of them are always so chipper; they’re definitely fucking like rabbits.

You plug in your phone and get ready for the day. Three ibuprofen and a shower mostly fix your headache and a very thorough brushing fixes everything else. Your toothbrush still sits next to Touya’s, seemingly the only thing in the apartment he forgot to take, but today that doesn’t fill you with dread. Things, finally, are good again. Pretty words have soothed all of your wounds and you’re just waiting for him to come back home to you.

It’s all you can think about as you get dressed. You slip into something black-- Touya’s favorite-- and put on those special red heels again, even though your instep is rubbed raw.

You're almost out the door when you remember your phone. You scramble back to your bedroom and start it up as you head out the door. The screen boots up and messages start inching their way in. A couple from friends, apps, and-

Hm. That’s. 

A name that you don’t expect pops up. Aizawa Shouta sits at the top of your direct messages, five messages sent through. Yesterday, you’d probably think you were losing your job or the world was ending, but today you can take it in stride. Hizashi was right; the man is already trying to apologize! You open the message and smugly prepare for the groveling-

-> I bet you looked so pretty when you came.

[actualbird]

how do you think giann-vyn and marius-vyn interactions differ? like vyn's thoughts on the brothers and etc.? if marius and giann were both over at vyn's how would they interact? one of my favorite hc rn is vyn sometimes having to force himself to remember that "Marius isn't Giann" whenever Marius does/says something Giann would do.

OHHHHH THIS IS SUCH AN INTERESTING ASK, I LOVE THISSSS and im especially glad i got this after i played marius' personal story 4 and i got that one giann crumb line from austin that i Cannot stop thinking about, this one

which REALLY made me rethink how i interpret my free-real-estate characterization of giann. and also uh...made me tangent into just a whole long response about some other stuff so

a headcanon post that got out of hand: vyn & giann vs. vyn & marius: similarities, loyalties, differences

wc: 1.5k (sorry, i didnt know this would get this long either)

-

like, okay, for starters, i do wanna talk about their similarities

it's already canon that giann has a playful prankster side to him just like marius does, shown in SSR Will Of The Trees where giann told tiny!marius his rash was from a poisonous plant and not just a common rash ajhksvjhfvaksKJGK. i rlly loved that bit, i think this is true for all von hagens, theyre all little shits

more on an hc side now though, i like to think marius and giann have a lot of smaller similarities in small habits simply by virtue of being siblings and small habits very easily crossover to one another. stuff like maybe they both fidget with pens in similar ways or they both have the tendency to focus v much on work or a task that they forget to sleep. what giann does, marius sees, and year after year some of those things he not only learns but ends up doing himself as well.

tiny aside related to above bullet point, i think theyd have similar ways of Talking. like, the cadence and word choice and stuff. this is wholly just cuz i myself have 3 siblings and we all talk with similar syntaxes jhavksjhfvkahjsfva

now, with those in mind, it's super obvious that either brother could remind another person of the other brother!

which......might be a sore spot for both vyn and marius during the Giann Is Missing era

for marius, well. i already spoke at length here and here about a possible inferiority complex that could totally mess him up if he lets it take root and grow

and for vyn.....ive been thinking a bunch about vyn's relationship with giann. like, in the whole brewing nxx civil war of team giann vs team neil (irt whos the bad guy! who sold out the other!) clearly marius is on team giann and artem is on team neil and vyn seems....largely neutral, fittingly playing the adjudicator before mc and luke join the team

but hes not neutral. cuz he Knew both neil and giann before they disappeared, the vyn-giann-neil trie Were the nxx team before the others came in (mentioned in main story 6.1 or 6.2, ive got a bad memory).

and with that in mind, vyn actually seems to have his loyalty towards a certain direction already: to the von hagens

vyn seems closer to giann and/or seems more aligned with the von hagens cuz

most obvious: //gestures at GIANNOVYN MENTAL HEALTH RESEARCH CENTER my god u guys rlly could not think of a better name but just mushing ur names together?? im never getting over that jkhvkajhsvfkjas

2nd most obvious: hes currently marius' tutor. honestly at this point i almost forgot about this bit, are they still having classes?? SO MUCH ELSE IS GOING ON RN FOR THEM AJHVFAJK

probably wasnt obvious at all but it has always been living in my mind rent free since september of last year: in the very first scene Mysteries of the Lost Gold where the team squabbles, vyn said he could easily just call austin if marius didnt wanna give him an invite to nosta. very funny moment, i love that bit so much. but also huh, vyn is close enough to austin von hagen that he can call the dude?? and it wasnt a bluff, becaue marius reacted in a way that implied vyn totally had the capability (and that marius didnt want it to happen). so vyn must have some kind of communication/acquaintance with austin that vyn could call about something completely unrelated (sidenote: this is hilarious now that i think about it. can you imagine being marius. ur tutor who is also ur work colleague who is also somebody ur kinda a bitch to and hes a bitch right back at you, this person can cALL UR DAD?? rip marius lol)

i went on a tangent there, i was sposed to focus on giann but then i zoomed out but YEAH. vyn has some level of closeness with the von hagens

and i think that started with giann

SO LIKE, working backwards....vyn moved to stellis in 2028. on The Same Year, he also co-founded the research center with giann.

and, my god, from a purely logistical standpoint, that was fast!! but from a trust standpoint, that was also fast irt vyn connecting with another person since we all know he can be a cagey motherfucker. so giann must have been one really frigging charming person to get vyn richter of all people to be his friend (at most) or trusted colleague (minimum)!!! and vyn, for all his elegance and stuff, seems like a very ride-or-die friend once he admits to himself that he is indeed attached somehow to another human being. ive got a bunch of hcs actually on how they met but thats for a fanfic writing day, not this post

anyway, why did i bring all that up? mostly cuz i forgot what i was writing about. BUT ALSO just to hammer home the emotional stake vyn may or may not have in the Giann Is Missing ordeal.

cuz like...being annoyed at marius for being too similar to giann is one thing. but being annoyed at marius for being too similar to giann who could have most probably been the first person vyn managed to connect with on some level (be it professional or a friendship thing) well...thats a whole Other Thing Altogether

anyway, the key difference between giann and marius thats already So Much to explore was already said. austin's line, "[Giann] is too kind and honest. He is not as rational as [Marius]. [Marius] knows how to hide his joys and frustrations."

(SIDENOTE: of course we, the players, know that marius is very kind and honest and shows his joys and frustrations. but he doesnt show that face at first, thats only reserved for people he trusts. for everybody else, marius acts in whatever way gets him the advantage. which...sound familiar? the marius that austin describes has a lot in similar with vyn. hides things to protect the self or others, rational and thinking, keeps the heart not on the sleeve but somewhere more guarded. those are vyn qualities as well as marius qualities. and the flipside is that giann (as described by austin) could very well have been vyn's opposite)

so now with all that laid down, let me finally answer your question HAHAHJKSDHFVJKDSHA

vyn's reactions to marius during the Giann Is Missing Era

upon meeting marius for the first time, i assume vyn's reaction would be a mix of relief and disdain. relief because ah, this one is like how vyn expects most people to be. but disdain because this one wears a similar face to somebody who mattered to vyn, and he is so different that it hurts. marius has giann's hair color, giann's eye color, sometimes marius talks like how giann would or would joke like how giann would. but marius still could not be any more different than giann. so in these early days, the separation between the two brothers is clear. theyre not the same person at all.

of course, as vyn and marius spend more time together, marius' mask chips away due to trust and the wonderful magic of friendship. and then things get more complicated. because at this point, vyn is much surer that marius is his own person thanks to all the team has been through, all vyn has witnessed of marius, and the such. and once marius is comfortable showing his own honesty and kindness in a less guarded way, it hurts all over again for vyn. he knows logically marius and giann are different people but god, the similarities would make vyn miss giann even more

how vyn's interactions differ

we already know how vyn interacts with marius (i.e. elegant roasting, respectful when it comes to work, vaguely annoyed whenever marius is indeed being annoying) so i move on

vyn and giann...now this is something ive got no canon basis for since we dont have any canon scene where vyn interacts with giann like in a flashback or something, but given that giann was a more open person who entered vyn's life earlier, i figure vyn wouldnt be as....thorny. maybe a little more honest, maybe a little more comfy as well to indulge in some of the playful shithead-ness giann has.

how vyn would react once giann is no longer missing and he and marius are in the same room

vyn's mind just goes:

two of them

as you can see i lost steam towards the end here JKHVKJSHFKDSJ but i hope something in this response was interesting to read. thank you for the ask, anon!! :D

[moonsaghost]

thissss, ive had very similar experiences. the people who erase lesbian experiences are fucking dumb, and don’t understand how deep rooted lesbianphobia is. ive always felt like i was different for my sexuality, bc ive always been the odd one out- the person who didnt like men

I grew up around people constantly forcing me to be into men, making me think my life would only be valid and good if I ended up with a man.

I grew up feeling completely isolated from other girls and thinking I was abnormal for not relating with them whenever they talked about men.

I grew up feeling like I was being a girl “wrong” because I could never comprehend being attracted to men.

I’ve never had anyone tell me that it’s completely okay to not like men and that I’m not any less a woman because of that.

I’m terrified whenever men flirt with me because I’m terrified to reject them by telling them I’m a lesbian, because I know some men’s reaction to that is very negative.

I still feel isolated even around other queer people because their conversations often go back to talking about men.

I have to keep a neutral face and change the subject whenever someone I’m not sure is accepting asks me if I have any boyfriends or if there’s any man in my life.

I have to pretend people assuming I’m attracted to men, people always obsessing over them, or centering men in their lives doesn’t affect me when it actually fucking hurts because every single time something like that happens I feel fucking ashamed of myself and not being able to be like everyone else.

So don’t fucking tell me that aspect (lack of attraction to men) of my identity isn’t important, because every single day of my life I’m reminded of that part of me and how I will never be able to fulfill what society expected of me.

[b00bconnoisseur]

3: do you have a favorite clothing style? 19: do you believe in ghosts/spirits? (?): do you believe in karma? 151: if you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

3: hmm.....not too much in particular?? I love all styles tho i absolutely 10000000% love love LOVE collared button ups especially cool random ones and i love oversized plaid and flannel. Ive always been a tomboy and i love the style. Like heres my clothes pinterest board if youre interested

19: i dooooo 100%

(?): i do as well for thissss. Like for example i was talking abt Jeffree Star earlier n how i unsubbed n stuff cause all the shit thats risen up and my mom was saying he and shane got karma for all the bad shit theyve done n stuff n i actually surprisingly agree with her

151: DEFINATELY THE RENAISSANCE ERA 100% I LOVE IT. Growing up ive loved that era cause of all the art and the artists like Michelangelo and Da Vinci and itd be sooooo epic

[gothixgirl]

It’s been a minute since I last had a good vacation, where I just felt completely happy. No small roller coasters of emotions. It was a very good weekend, beautiful scenery out in the woods, chilly weather, a good few smoke seshs alone, great family bond. It was perfect.

Why do I come home to feeling completely disconnected from my partner? To the point I DOUBTED him.

Why am I like thissss?

3 years with him, it’s been hell of a ride. From being soccer team mates- friends-good friends- best friends- couple. All in a matter of 6 years that I’ve known him. Crazy love story we have.

It’s been tough coming from a toxic relationship. And trying to keep this one healthy. It’s a challenge for sure. Coming out my comfort zone it’s by far one of the toughest things Ive done. But I’m doing it because I LOVE him. I want this to work.

And there’s been moments where I’ve felt that he doesn’t want the same but also that he does. [it could be me over thinking].

- - I had a rough week last weekend (before our trip) just stressed and cried and just completely felt over whelmed. And he did it .. he finally showed me patience, appreciation, love and care.. all at once . Something that I feel has never been done . It’s always been like frustration and he would make me feel like I was just nagging and complaining. Never felt truly heard.

This time was different, he comfort me through texts (he was at work) then came home with flowers and told me he loved me and sees how overwhelmed I am and he appreciates everything I do .

He’s trying, finally trying. What I’ve begged for since the beginning with many stages of communication. Because my first stages were the guessing game. I just wasn’t good at it. But I’m learning. For him. For us.

And I finally see that he is too. I hope this time it lasts. The same effort and love is all I want.

- - That Monday after our trip, I doubted him. He normally has mondays off and this time he said he had to work. I doubted him. It came to my mind that he could be lying and possibly be seeing my best friend because he had no signal the whole weekend we were out in our trip.

Why my best friend you may be asking- before my man and I were dating we were best friends, my female best friend was cool with him too. And she also thought he was attractive. But nothing ever happened because she would always say he and I were gonna be with each other. Now 2 years ago on my birthday, she purposely got me so drunk, I blacked out. I don’t remember much from that night. But I do remember the party ending and I was thrown in the shower because I asked him to. My best friend was still there. I completely blacked out in the shower, I don’t remember getting out.

- - after that night, my bf and my best friend would act weird around each other . Weird like not a good vibe . Both would not be in good moods. I always had this feeling that something else happened that night.

So there’s that.. I don’t know if something ever happened.. can’t really accuse them of anything, because I don’t have any evidence.

- - that Monday I doubted him, I quickly texted him for a picture of himself in that exact moment.. and for once he sent it with no hesitation, no question “why” just sent it and then answered my FaceTime and showed me what he was working on (he works in landscaping) . And still didn’t question me at all 😭. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, REASSURANCE.

Do you know how fast I felt okay? After getting anxiety and feeling insecure. He instantly made me feel secure and loved.

In other words maybe I am crazy..

[k9punkout]

oh this post. OHHHHHH THIS POST.

holy shit op your word choice in this is so so shattering i hope you know you've ruined my whole day. i'll be thinking about this post for months to come. not even joking

your comparisons of till to a puppy, then a mutt, then a wolf, even though he is none of those things, he is a human being, but being an animal is all he's ever known and in his rebellion he proves all the dehumanization right. I HATE THISSSS

Till's body being used and his autonomy being brutally ripped away from his hands ever since he was little is. so so sad. and the fact that after everything, he never stopped fighting it, he never lost his spirit is so incredible. one of the strongest willpowers ive ever seen in a character because what he went through was so horrific.

(theres also the chance that none of his acting out is due to willpower but instead of a desperate and trembling rage and fear, and the fact that it would only serve to depict him as even more of a feral animal)

he's also just. genuinely so smart and so creative, but even the fandom tosses that aside because he's always so casually dehumanized that barely anyone takes it seriously anymore. all his humanity and complexity is forgotten in favor of what can be extracted out of him.

theres also the common theory that the club scene wasn't the first time till was raped. that, on top of the beatings, on top of the lab torture, urak had been selling his body since he was little, and it breaks my heart, because he'd have been living with so much torture for so long, and no matter what he does, no one will save him, and even if they did, he won't allow himself to be saved, and his tormentors will never stop using and abusing him in every single way.

i think that's such a large part of his seemingly fluctuating ego. he sees his own trauma through different lenses.

it goes from "im better and much more talented than all of you, i don't need saving because im not a victim, none of you understand what it's like to go through what i went through and that makes me so much stronger" to "im ruined and disgusting, they've so thoroughly used and altered me that i don't know if i can even be considered human anymore, i don't need saving because i don't deserve it, i'm garbage, too weak to save anyone, too pathetic to save myself."

AGH. TILLTILLTILLTILLTILL. HES SO TRAGIC I CANT.

[ content warning: discussion of in-canon sexual abuse ] Maybe it’s just because I’m not too active in the ALNST fandom and mostly observe from afar, but I think this fandom brushed aside way too quickly the fact that Till was sexually assaulted. I have never seen anyone talk in depth about like, what that actually means in terms of his arc and the storytelling of his character. Which I find deeply, deeply upsetting because holy fucking shit.

This man right here has been told, basically his entire life, that not only is he himself not worthy of being treated as a human, but that his body is not his body, but a piece of property that can be owned. And whoever owns his property can use it for whatever, and however they wish. Now, dehumanization is nothing new or unique in this world, obviously. The very concept of Pet Humans is dehumanizing by nature, leaving all six of our main characters as victims to it, even those who are more well-off like Mizi. But Till is a specially fucked up case almost distinctly unlike the rest, because he is actually treated like a fucking dog.

(x) Ivan: If you keep rebelling like that, they won’t ever remove your collar you know? Till: This annoying bastard… — Ivan: I told you so, didn’t I? You didn’t listen? Till: This annoying bastard... (translation courtesy of @leiikos on youtube)

(x)

An unruly animal who needs to be leashed up and put in it’s place. Animals, as is common knowledge, are not on the same level as a human being. But they are ordained to follow the commands of those above them. And if someone (thing) isn’t doing as it is told…

It deserves to be taught better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is the mindset that has followed Till his entire life by the ones who were supposed to take care of him. He is not human, even less human than the existing inhuman. He is a pet, even more so than the other pets, an animal. A thing. Property. Something to own. And the best thing about owning something?

You gain the ability to do whatever you want to it. Till’s body was not his from the start. It was used as something to toy around with, experiment with, to train and train and train, presumably for his whole life. His body, his skin, his flesh and bone and blood, it was all nothing more than a plaything. So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, voices have the most value of all. On top of it being reinforced that Till is not deserving of humanity, he is also not deserving of his bodily autonomy. People are free to do whatever they want with his body because it’s not his body, it’s theirs. And that brings us, finally, to the scene itself

He can’t sing her song, he refuses to. This isn’t the first time he’s refused to do something, far from it actually. What was once an innocent puppy with dilated hope in his eyes has grown into an angry, disobedient mutt. And we know what happens to an animal that refuses to do what they’re told. But there’s something interesting about dogs, or rather about the ones they descended from, the wolf: When the circumstances call for it, they will bite the hand that’s supposed to feed them.

And here is where I intrude to remind you that this is the only time we see anyone physically fighting back against the aliens in the confines of Alien Stage. We see Hyuna and Mizi fucking up aliens in All In, but that was after they had escaped from the cage. And you could make a case for Mizi trying to escape the grasp of the guards that grabbed her in Ruler of My Heart, but from what we saw she didn’t actually lay a hand on them and more so just tried to force herself out of their grasp. though if you disagree with me on that that's fine Here though? Till has this bitch’s face grabbed into his palm with a bottle in hand ready to smash it directly in between it’s eyes. I consider this to be the first act of physical violence shown against the aliens within the uncomfortably tight enclosure. And it’s triggered not because of anything personally done to Till, which on its own could probably fill a list that reaches the ground. But because of the prospect of Mizi being dead. Till knows that this place is shit, that his life is shit. Said so directly on his profile.

Dislikes: Everyone, including Guardian Urak (translation courtesy of @kh47uo on twitter)

But he stays regardless because Mizi is there. If Mizi is dead, Till has absolutely nothing to lose…Right?

I can almost imagine him thinking: There’s nothing you can put me through that’s worse than every other way you’ve hurt me. …But there was. Oh there was.

A final, disgusting message to the pet to put him back in his place. Back on his leash. Making sure he will never forget where he stands for the rest of his days.

And that is really what the sexual assault of Till represents to me. It is a cruel reminder to Till that fighting back is impossible, having hope, being free, it might as well be a fool's fantasy. He will always be less-than-human, less than anything. His body will always be the property of the ones that were supposed to project him, claimed, and then used used used until it’s worn out and dead.

And the aliens chose to exemplify that fact in the most direct way they possibly could.

So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, screams have the most value of all