#i dont actually know if its supposed to be centered on them or if i just like their interwctions the best JFKDFJF

[radioroxx]

thank god for the . vampire sif fic keeping me happy everydaayy

[koi-fish-boy]

My limbs were bandage city today y'all I kept gettin hurt 😭

First I accidentally burned my leg w a drill. I just finished using it and was checking the hole and accidentally brought it too close to my leg

Then I nicked my knuckle on some semi circle thing trynna get it off something else, forgot what it was called. But I bled a bunch and had to get a bandaid :P

After that I stabbed my finger with some wire on accident. It's like the cable thing that's made up of a bunch of tiny metal wire strung together I also forgot what that was called but I bled again!

Then I scratched my knee on the back of a hammer and, guess what? I bled again!

And when I got home the remains of a blister fell off and left me with just a hole in my heel so that kinda sucks :P

[cheatsykoopa98]

1 AM ramble but someone just pointed out to me you can see zooble's room in their pin wrapping background

not only do we get to see what their room looks like, we also get an official look of the zooble box, and a mirror for them to look at themself. now I think this might be important. pomni had a scene in ep 1 where she looks at the mirror in disbelief that she looks like that now, and we know zooble changes their parts every day. I think caine did that to "help" zooble with figuring out their gender identity, which maybe or not be helping, considering what I hear of people experiencing gender dysphoria not liking to see themselves in the mirror.

and I do think the mirror is important, we get to see a little bit of the others' bedrooms as well, kaufmo, ragatha and gangle's, and none of them have mirrors from what I can see. maybe caine noticed pomni looking in the mirror and thought pomni might want one in her room just like zooble, not realizing pomni probably hates to look in the mirror and not see herself

also lets look at the other characters bedrooms

ragatha seems to be very tidy (assuming everyone has to clean up their rooms and considering how messy pomni's room is) and not have that much stuff. a box of toys that she might or not play with considering its positioned as a seat for the piano. we dont know if she knows how to play (according to goose she knows the cello, so she could know the piano as well) and having so little fingers in her hand might actually not let her play the piano properly. caine could have just heard she likes music and put a piano in her room. also notice the piano is in the middle of the room taking center stage and we cant see a bed (yet). ragatha has mentioned nobody needs to sleep even though they can. do you think she (tries to) play the piano at night while everyone else assumedly sleeps? there is a song sheet at the piano but I cant read if it has an actual song name written on it.

also she has a shelf full of things that might be of her interest or template things caine put there. like balls of yarn, books, a gloink (how did she have a gloink before ep 1?) and a framed picture, which if it has an actual photo of someone there could open up a lot of theories to who is there. also the gloink being there points to either ragatha having already lived through a gloink adventure and keeping one in her room or keeping one after an adventure where she was hurt by kaufmo and abandoned by pomni. why would she want to keep it if thats the case?

gangle's room is very dark with black walls. we cant see much but I believe she is in a really deeper depression than pomni. I believe to the point where she doesnt have the energy to try to escape, just mask as much as she can before her happy mask is broken again, poor gangle :/

we dont get to see kinger or jax's room, even though I think there is a kinger door in the corridor. maybe kinger is too paranoid to sleep in his room. jax's only shows his door with the void breaking into view. maybe we wont get to see his room until the very end. also I remember there was a theory jax knows where the exit is, but doesnt leave. I dont think its true considering goose said jax deserves to be stuck in the circus, implying he cant leave just like everyone, but since he "has keys to everywhere", what if he has been to the void without caine knowing? pomni never made it through the end but if jax did, maybe what he saw there pushed him to be how he is now. maybe he doesnt see hope in escaping and thats why he turns into such a bad person, he could be a nihilist in that way

anyway sorry for the long post, I just had a bunch of ideas popping up in my head from this little detail I should have noticed when pomni's pin was released

not only do we get to see her room but we also see the blocks spelling CBA, not sure if the B is supposed to count or not but its the second time pomni is associated with C&A, I do believe she was an employee there

[sweet-yellow-honey]

HEY SO I NOTICED ALOT OF PPL ON HERE LIKED MY MIRRORBOX ART SO HERES A FIC I ALSO WROTE!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN ALSO FIND THIS FIC ON AO3!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Boxten and Poppy were sitting in the audience of one of Vees game shows, listening in on the winners prizes and loud buzzers.

“How did SHRIMPO win a car??? He can’t even drive!!” Poppy said with a huff. “Nether can you.” The box shot back. “oh ya” Poppy sighed, looking back at the stage as said shrimp almost ran though the stage wall with his new prize

“Hey Pops, any idea who the finishing act is? I just hope it’s nothing with cannons.. or flashing lights…. Or spiders…….”

“Oh! I think it’s Glisten this time actually!” The bubble responded, looking over the pamphlet that was handed out to them to check. “Huh, Glisten Glisten.. I dont think I’ve ever met him actually..” Boxten said, witch was a surprising statement, considering the fact everyone here pretty much HAD to know eachother. “YOU’VE NEVER MET HIM?????” Poppy yelled, looking at her friend with wide eyes. “What? What, was I supposed to know him? Ohhh I knew I should have introduced myself! I just got so worried about whether or not they would think I was weird… i mean… as I weird??? Ughh I-“ The music box went on for a few more minutes, when he felt a sharp jab in his arm.

“Stop worrying! I swear, it’s all you do!” The bubble taunted, rolling her eyes “heh, ya I guess I-“

“OH OH SHUT UP ITS STARTING-“ Poppy shouted before Boxten even had the chance to reply, turning to look at the center stage where Vee was standing.

“Alright folks! We’ve got an excellent show for you all tonight! Without further ado, its the gorgeous! The iconic! The gymnastic!… GLISSTTEENNNNN!”

Vee shouted, raising her hands to a large platform yards above the audience, lights flashing and darting towards the stand. Boxten had to cover his face to try and block out the blinding lights, trying to catch a small glimpse of the glittery mirror. And then… he saw him.

It was just for a second, Glisten had peered over the edge of the platform, gazeing down at the crowd waveing with a smile.

Boxten saw him just for a second. His bright, blue eyeshadow. The singular golden curl that fell over his face. The way his eyes sparkled just as much as the lights around him. Wow.

“He’s beautiful…” Boxten thought to himself.

Then the actual show started.

At first, boxten thought it was just gonna be a normal performance, probably singing or dancing or something. Something tame, something that wouldn’t make him jump out of his seat in fear. Besides, this guys seemed reasonable.

Boy was he wrong.

Just then, around two dozen or so glittery silver rings, bars, and hoops fell from the ceiling, makeing the stage more shiny than before. Then, the glittering mirror grabbed onto one. Then jumped from his post.

Boxten’s heart almost burst out of his chest in worry, how on earth can an angel like that put himself at risk like that?! Then he finally realized that sense the mirror was holding on to the bar, he wouldn’t fall.

Oh right.

Boxten tried watching the rest of the performance (still panicking for the gymnasts safety) gripping at his bandana as to try and stop his heart from pounding out of his chest. He tried to remember what Poppy always said to him. Breathe. And that’s what he did. In and out, in and out.

He then turned his attention back to Glisten, who was currently throwing this slimmer figure through multiple hoops at once. While terrifying, still impressive. REALLY impressive. Boxten couldn’t stop his hands from reaching his edges cheeks in a swoon, watching the taller jump from ring to ring, twisting and turning to dazzle the crowd.

He moved like an angel flying though heavens clouds.

At least that’s what Boxten thought.

And then it kept going.

Glisten grabbed bars, rings, and performed tricks that could’ve killed him if anything went wrong. At one point, he even flung himself from the top of the platform, grabbing onto a pair of rings to catch his fall. Then he started to spin around the golden metal hoops, moving faster and faster as the audience cheered.

Boxten seemed to be getting more and more nervous as the performance continued. I mean, who wouldn’t be when the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen was flying through the air like a damn stunt man.

Glisten then took a dive from his hoop landing back onto the large podium and Vee walked back on stage. “Alright everyone, thanks for coming to the game tonight, I-“

“BITCH I WASNT DONE!!!!”

Glisten blew a quick few kisses into the crowd and somehow struck almost five poses in the span of a second, then turned back to Vee, ok continue, ima go back to the dressing room, love you all!!!” The mirror said, jumping down from the podium and walking off the stage, leavening Vee a little speechless due the this mans audacity.

“…ok then.” Vee said, a little flabbergasted with the sheer amount of sass Glisten had. She then continued with her speech and the crowds slowly started to leave.

“Holy crap- Glisten is amazing!” Poppy said as she turned to Boxten. “What did you think?”

“I think…. I think I need to go.” Boxten said, jumping up from his seat and running down the stairs of the aisle, turning his square head back to Poppy, who looked utterly confused.

“ILL CATCH UP!! I’LL RIGHT BACK!!!!!”

The box shouted, already darting down a known hallway behind the stage area. He only new the place from a tour he did with Vee as a prize of the show itself. Boy did he love being smart.

Poppy stood halfway in the aisle, somewhat dumbfounded as a bright red lamp wandered up to her.

“Where’s he off to?”

“I don’t know, probably to the bathroom to masterbate or something”

“Poppy… he doesn’t have genitals… none of us do.”

“Oh ya! Why do i always forget the most important things…”

“It’s probably because of the brain damage.”

“What brain damage?”

Boxten rounded a corner, stopping in front of a huge wooden door with the words “guest room” written across a gold star plate. Once he caught his breath, he stopped for a moment. Should he do this? Should he knock? It was just that that was the greatest performance he had ever seen. He had to complement the man behind it. With a shaking fist, he gently knocked on the door.

Just then, the door slowly creaked open, revealing Glisten himself peaking around the side. “Oh! Can I help you?” He asked, politely smiling down at the small box toon in front of him. God, he was even more beautiful up close…

“Oh I uh-“ The music box muttered, stuttering on his words “ya uh, you don’t really know me… but I was actually in the audience watching your performance, I just wanted to say that it was amazing! It was honestly one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen, uh sorry it that sounds weird… I just needed to complement you on it… it was magic, really.” Boxten said, fidgeting with the end of his bandana, looking up at the graceful mirror in front of him.

At the box’s words, Glisten’s eyes widened, looking at him suprised. Then they softened, a small smile appearing on his face.

“Why thank you, dear.” The mirror said softly, his cheeks glowing slightly more pink than the blush already dashed onto them.

“Oh uh, ya thank you! I- I should be going now actually, I’m really not supposed to be here….. You’re beautiful tho- I MEAN- your performance was beautiful!” Boxten said quickly turning on his heel about to make a clean getaway, when a yellow hand stopped him.

“Hey, wait a sec!” The mirror said from behind Boxten, causing the box to whip his head around to face the taller toon. “ I just realized, I never caught your name, sweetie.”

“OH UH…” Boxten stuttered “it’s Boxten! I’m one of the background toons… although I WISH I was one of the mains…” the box chuckled, Glisten giggling along. “Oh ya, they get WAYYY to many food perks… But I was actually thinking..” the mirror said, leaning against the door frame. “… if you wanted to grab lunch or dinner at together sometime? I always atleast TRY to know everyone-“ Glisten said, hand on his hip and his face a little… nervous?

“Oh! Oh um, YES! Yes… I would- love too!” Boxten said, face red as hell at the fact this beauty of a man wanted to get dinner??? With him???????

“Great! Heres my number Boxy! Call me!” The mirror said, slamming a folded up piece of paper into the boxes arms, giving him a wink before closing the door before Boxten could respond.

Boxten looked at the paper in this hand, then back up at the door. At this point, only one thought could run though his mind…

“OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG-

I’m the luckiest man alive.”

ok Ty for reading this yippppieeeeee👉👈

[not-goldy]

But why Jimin is feeling some type about turning 30 🤔 He doesn't have a biological clock ticking to get pregnant, he's a man who according according society doesn't reach their 'expiry date any time soon, he got everything settled financially and family wise, he got supportive parents but he lived majority of his life away from them... now even if he wants to have them here he's perfectly capable to do so. He still looks dropdead gorgeous... actually older he becomes prettier and graceful he turns. His body is still young and beautiful, He already got a partner who is so understanding and makes him feel the best no matter how he looks or his age.

I don't see Tae, who's same age as him focusing on turning 30 much.. he's still having fun, dating best girls out there, all set to enjoy after he retun from MS too. Like he should..because 30 is still very young in my book lol

Biological clock to get pregnant....

Ha🤣

A. He's human

B. Different backgrounds Different directions in life

Tae doesn't have chronic backpain does he??

Tae's career is not woven around his ability to dance his ass off and contour his body into impossible shapes does he? He dances sure and he's good sure but he's not Jimin 🥴

Watch BTS Island or whatever that show was I think they talked about these things- vmin I mean.

Remember he said he hated working out but then had to learn to love it because he needed to work on his form. He said he was becoming weak- he is not just a pretty face. He is not the type of idol you'd give a mic and a seat center stage to perform.

He is Beyonce. He is a spectacle

He will always be a spectacle unfortunately

Losing weight, dieting, fixing his teeth tweaking that- can't do that all his life that's just sad if he has to😢

So he is gonna reminisce and wonder if he should keep doing this or choose a different part- as he said he did before in the past when BTS was going through stuff.

He's gonna reinvent himself take stock reevaluate and shit. 30 is a milestone I suppose most idols do that before they decide to go all in for the long ride- you wouldn't want to look back at 40 and regret certain things you know?

This is where I start ranting bout the impossible beauty standards and performance expectations yall have of him- HE IS SOMEONE'S SON NOT AN OBJECT FOR YOUR ADMIRATION

And before you tell me this idol don't do that that person don't do that- THAT PERSON IS NOT JIMIN AND YOU KNOW DEAD WELL YOU HOLD JIMIN TO A MUCH HIGHER STANDARD THAN TEHM DONT LIE

And let's not forget 30 is primarily when an Idols career is assumed to have come to an end in kpop- sure there are new trends of older idols breaking the stereotypes but let's not act like age isn't a huge part of Kpop and that newer younger, much much younger idols are popping up on the scene- they may not be as seasoned or as talented but that will not stop toxic stans perpetuating ageism against BTS.

Its very normal for an idol of JMs caliber to put some thoughts into what he wants to do with his life at this point- if the company isn't going to be any helpful to his career and he doesn't have his age playing in his favor then boy or girl he very much has a right to ponder over his age. He's human.

If he's queer and wants a family then he very much has to worry about that too. And don't be fooled, men do experience low sperm count as they age and other erectile disfunction as they age too it's not just women like they try to portray.

They grow grey hairs and they go bald 🙄

Their bodies change dramatically with age too🥲

I can go on and on but he's just human doing what normal humans do.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Hamsteak!

CALLIOPE: er, technically, the machine stabilizing The Plot Point. CALLIOPE: the actUal Point is that ominoUs looking bit in the middle!

Letting everyone spend two weeks speculating on why the plot point looks like the hiveswap portal only to reveal this is a great meta joke.

CALLIOPE: the reason we broUght yoU *here*, specifically, is becaUse The Plot Point over there corresponds to the singUlarity at the exact center of oUr aforementioned plot prison! CALLIOPE: important bit of info, that!

Noted, noted. The Plot Point is the singularity at the heart of the black hole. Also noted: They want to bring the whole of Earth-C with them. A lot of people have been assuming a SBURB game was going to happen as the human players sacrificed Candyland to save themselves/their kids. That's still on the table, but it's apparently not Roxy's plan.

VRISKA: It's time to kick off the training wheels and do what I do 8est: VRISKA: Figure shit out myself.

Vriska is bored of this exposition and is going to just hit the machine. That's our Vriska!

!

A flash! Or, well, an HTML5 animation in an iframe. Technology marches on! Also marching on: Vriska, who touches the singularity and gets immediately sucked into it. The music here is also very similar to the music that plays for the Hiveswap portal cutscene, but I'm not sure if it's literally the same song. I don't think it is? I was kind of expecting the first [S] to be a huge "We're back bitches!" thing designed to make Tumblr pop off, but I guess it's better to start small.

ROXY: callie CALLIOPE: yes dear? ROXY: is vriska right CALLIOPE: right aboUt what, dear? ROXY: about the fact that u dont actually know wtf we were supposed to be gettin up to here CALLIOPE: well... CALLIOPE: Um, more or less, yes. ROXY: bb are you srs

It doesn't reflect super well on Roxy that she apparently never figured this out herself.

ROXY: you said you were being compelled by like hella visions n premonishes n mysterious psychic spatiotemporal intuitions n i kinda figured that meant you had this shit all ttly comprehended!

This is one of those lines you're meant to maybe pass over without realizing how big it is. Someone is manipulating Callie here! Perhaps its related to the mysterious GavageCunctation, who I'm still calling as being the 5th Omega kid, to match the 5-letter names they all have.

CALLIOPE: yoU remember how we got so wrapped Up in the initial excitement of finding the singUlarity and the rUined jUjU arch, and sUbseqUently stabilizing it with oUr sUper cool cherUbic-lalondian tech... ROXY: its true our tech really is so fkn cool...

So the "Juju Arch" is the portal, which was previously called a "Skaian Artifact". Presumably put there by the same person giving Calliope the dreams. I'm guessing it's GC-related, but it could also be Skaia itself. Homestuck 1 kind of forgot about Skaia as an antagonistic force.

CALLIOPE: well, i sUppose i might have implied a more complete knowledge of the a to zed of all this then i actUally... possessed. CALLIOPE: and continUe to possess. JOHN: well, but you don't possess it.

John is such a pedantic shit at the most random times, it's great.

JOHN: feels kinda nice not being the one getting chastised, for a change! ROXY: john shut ur insensitive blabhole or im gonna chastise the shit out of u JOHN: jeez! JOHN: it was fun while it lasted, i guess.

People forget John has a personality, but it's true! He's kind of an asshole!

Al intervenes to show us-

Well that's the update. I like the shorter, more frequent updates, but it's kind of killing the liveblog idea when they come out a few pages at time.

[luckylolabug]

Spoilers and criticism for Veilguard under the cut! Don't read if you're not prepared!!! I've been sitting on this long enough to try and get my thoughts together on what my biggest problem with the game is and I think I figured it out (for me personally, anyways) so!

The biggest downfall for me is genuinely not really having a way to ACTUALLY get to know your companions. Most of their backstory information is tucked away in party banter, so you just have to kind of hope you happen to hear it while out running around with the right combination of party members. (I could get into how much I hate that I can only take two but that's a whole other thing.)

The issue with this is that it completely cuts Rook out of the equation at all. I can't really go around and ask my companions questions about themselves or their backgrounds. There aren't any conversation trees to get to know them, and I literally can't even talk to them unless it's something they want from me. Rook isn't even really part of ANY of the party banter out in the world, which is a huge bummer. It wasn't EVERY banter, but in Inquisition, there were many times you were actually able to chime in with your own response to whatever people were talking about. And you know what that does? It makes it feel like Inky is actually part of the crew. It feels like they're IN the conversations and their thoughts and opinions matter.

Meanwhile, Veilguard has several party banters where I feel like I'm interrupting a conversation and they're turning to look at me with drinks in their hand waiting for me to get lost.

Rook is like the CEO of a company while everyone else is making friends, and it's frustrating as a player. Even with codex entries that talk about the team doing stuff it's like. Why isn't Rook part of their book club?? Why isn't Rook part of their grocery lists in the kitchen??? Why isn't Rook included on the mural Manfred paints at the end of the game that's supposed to highlight how heroic everyone was?? (I know the answer to the last one is because everyone's Rook looks different, but come on. You could at least just have a hooded figure in the center or SOMETHING to indicate they're involved)

Nobody asks Rook questions about themselves, nobody really seems to care about them at all. There's so many points in Inquisition with Joesphine asking about your background or Cassandra asking about your beliefs etc. And that's just....not there??? (Don't even get me started on Rook randomly popping out information about their past that I have Zero input or knowledge of. Why the hell does my elf Veil Jumper Rook who HAS Vallaslin insist they were a city elf out of nowhere when talking to Taash??? Why don't I get the option to pick that???? What???)

Anyways, all of this to say is that it makes me incredibly sad because a big draw for Dragon Age for me is how cohesive the crew usually is as a unit. I dont expect everyone to be the best of friends (lord knows that my Cousland didn't get along with Morrigan at all, my Hawke had issues with Sebastian, and my Lavellan doesnt like Vivenne at all) but the difference is with all three other games I can point out directly which companions they're closest to, and how by the end of the game at least a decent chunk of them feel like a found family. And I just can't say the same for Veilguard because its like Rook is an afterthought and everyone else is besties. (Forreal though, as a Veil Jumper especially, would it really have been that hard to assume I already knew who Bellara was??? We're from the same fucking camp. There's like 40 of us. HOW does Rook not know who she is prior to the game deciding to meet her???)

[ultimateloserboy]

i was looking through some dhmis qnas today and the way the characters are described and answer questions makes me insane (positively)

duck is completely insane. the way he sees the world and the people around him makes zero sense to anyone but him and hes so certain hes right because he thinks hes the center of the damn universe. i dont use this word lightly, because i myself have really bad delusions, but duck is delusional. although, can they even be called delusions if the window mightve actually been disrespecting him? its hard to tell. maybe he DID win a tournament, who knows?! can you really call him delusional when he lives in a world as strange as he does? personally, yes, i can. but even without delusions, i fully believe hes completely lost his mind. i think hes a smart person but his decisions are driven by his huge ego and the “rules” hes made up in his head. theres much more to say about duck, because hes very complex, but i just want to talk about this aspect of him for now.

i like this about him because of how he and red guy are so comedically different. the question joe pelling was answering in the screenshot above is “who is your favorite character to write” well baker terry and becky sloan had a whole discussion with joe pelling about how red guy is actually the best to write because hes refreshing. hes a break from all the nonsense, or at least he is most of the time.

baker terry said something about him that i’ll probably make a whole other post for, but for this post specifically i just want to highlight the heavy difference between duck and red guy. red guy at least tries to think reasonably, and he usually does. he might slip from time to time but duck is just completely off the deep end. that man is batshit. he literally has rabies. he grows teeth randomly. his organs just fall out. its interesting to me how the most normal guy in the series is stuck with this little freak. youd assume from these answers alone that these characters would dislike eachother, that theyd bore and bug eachother to death. but when you see them talk to eachother or about eachother that isnt the case at all.

i just think its funny, a little ironic, how cruel he is. and yet

love is everywhere, i suppose. its a place, its a thing.

[psihawaii]

ive finishied green vs red and i have no idea what i just watched. i know you said you dont need to watch any of the others but does it help?

but i did think it was funny and interesting, it has that fullmetal alchemist property where all the main characters are men but my favorite characters are the women. my favorite joke in the whole thing was the zoom in on lupins goofy ass grin in a mugshot with the subtitle ‘he’s always smart and cool’

I will say that me going ‘you dont have to know anything abt lupin iii at all going in 👍’ is moreso a personal thing abt me wanting to make the experience as confusing as possible, mostly if not entirely bc 1. I think it’s funny and 2. The film Also wants to make the experience of watching it as confusing as possible for plot reasons what with scenes being deliberately out of order + the movie never really explaining it’s main… Concept. I guess? I definitely don’t think it was the intended viewing experience (it was supposed to be a 40th anniversary special LMAO it is supposed to be a celebration of the franchise) but I just think it’s interesting to gauge ppls thoughts about what it could mean bc. In my opinion, green vs red’s larger Themes aren’t specific to lupin as much as they are abt any popular ‘morally grey’ male character/real. actual person/the effect media and fiction has on our real lives.

But to answer your question, i think knowing anything abt lupin iii only rlly helps with figuring out the preexisting characters relationship to lupin (which, sounds like a Big Thing, and i definitely do think knowing them a little makes for some Crazy implications with the concept of the film, but i think you get Enough context from what’s shown in the film + the thoughts and feelings of the gvr exclusive characters are more important, which do get explored thoroughly (or as thoroughly as the film can explain it)) and with all the lupin iii references (which are… obviously gonna be superfluous. theyre cute!! and i like em. but theyre not Needed to completely enjoy the flim). I feel like i’d be putting ‘Who Lupin Is. Like As A Person’ on this list, but again i feel like theres enough context within the film where you can figure it/what you Need to to watch it out. But of course im biased bc i watched green vs red pretty late into my lupin phase + i’ve watched it like five times in the past year.

BUT IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT!! It genuinely is one of my favorite movies of all time despite its problems. I think the idea of a really popular anime doing a non-linear metacommentary on itself as an anniversary film is Insane and whether or not you (the royal you. not you specifically syl) think it was executed well or a good celebration of the franchise its at least INTERESTING its a lot to think about… I really do like it as a commentary about legacy and idolizing problematic figures and how the media you consume/what you’re shown affects you as a person good and bad its… gaaahhhhhhh. I love media thats abt media.

And the thing abt lupin As A Whole really is that. It has really good women with crazy stories and roles and implications and it treats them HORRIBLYYYYYYYY like 85% of the time. the woman called fujiko mine (another artsy divisive examination of the franchise) is SUPPOSED to be more focused on its women (or woman. Singular.) and her role in the series and its…… interesting. good and bad. i would not say it centers women in a way thats tasteful or uhm… good as a narrative (at least towards the end) (and i feel like all of the Good interesting things it has to say that hold up by the end all have to do with the men!!!!!) (i almost wanna recommend twcfm to ppl as well but i have supremely Less authority on it and claim Less responsibility on the feelings anyone may or may not have abt it)

[todayisafridaynight]

edging to the top 100 list wont be able to finish until you make it to number one </3

yeah i got you bro DONT YOU WORRY o7

100. the little ridge on his nose

99. his moles from y3 <3

98. his moles from y7 <3

97. how round his head is during the ps3 era

96. how spikier his hair was in the original y2

95. that fuckin puffer From Y2

94. his weird grunting and moaning after he gets tied up in y2

93. how his immediate concern after gettin tied up is to get maccas

92. baby daigo's dumbass lil bow tie

91. baby daigo's dumbass lil bowlcut

90. how crusty he looks in y5

89. his lucky gun

88. how he didnt want to bring his lucky gun to the brawl with ryuji. and got arrested for firearms possession anyway

87. his reptile dress shoes as chairman <3

86. the fine lines on his chairman suit

85. his tie that sometimes looks like a brassy green but its actually supposed to be silver but the green looks better on him anyway

84. how malnourished he looks in comparison to shinada when they brawl on the roof

83. the sad lost-dog reaction he gets to kiryu in gaiden

82. his sassy I Told You So moment in gaiden

81. his goofy lil fisherman outfit

80. his leather jacket //miku_emote//

79. his stray hairs for when his slicked-back hair gets messy :))

78. his voice. enough said.

77. not enough said tho how he never raises his voice above two decibels <3

76. his dedication to the tojo even if they bully him every three seconds

75. how he chose to not open the bottle mine left for him because it wouldnt be the same without him there to share it

74. his laugh that can only be heard in cut content <3<3<3<3

73. the complicated feelings he has about his worthiness as a leader and wanting to live up to kiryus standards

72. how he managed to Not Die in the thirteensome years he was as chairman

71. his thuggish fighting style <3<3<3<3

70. the progression of his character from being whiny brat to realizing His Whining is a result of parental neglect and how he sincerely wants friends in y0 to how he grows into a man so tired of everyone around him after his dad is killed and now he wants to be shut off and left alone because he's lost hope in people as a whole in y2 to becoming a man that cares so much about the people he was forced to care for by his only real father figure who he idolizes so much and how he struggled to accept that role not just as a mantle he was competent to carry but how his anger from his previous misanthropy nearly jeopardized his succession and how he had to learn to overcome it

69. his huge penis

68. he's good with kids

67. how he's so proud to refer to kiryu as his father and respects kiryu's wishes to not go to war over him (even if kiryu self admittedly has been cringe at being a father figure to him)

66. how there's a pocket circuit trophy with his name on it

65. how he says banzai <3<3<3<3

64. how he used to be belligerent during y2 but now it takes more to get a rise out of him

63. his stubble <3<3<3

62. the little frown line in the center of his nose ridge and his eyebrows

61. his berry-banger shade lips <3

60. his grumpy little frown and perpetually stern expression

59. how his sideburns have a sort of feather-out look to them

58. the way his cheeks are round like his mom's (and how he look like his momma in general)

57. the shape of his eyebrows and how they end in a point Like That

56. the little buckle on his shoes in y2

55. overall his berries-and-cream-looking-ass outfit from y0

54. how he knows it's kiryu driving his taxi even if he's wearing sunglasses and a mask and doesnt say a word to him

53. his terrible tendency to prioritize kiryus needs over the tojo's

52. how he sent mine to okinawa to look after kiryu (bonus points for summer mine :miku_emote:)

51. how he invited mine to a date drink at the bar, laughed at his joke, asked him if he was single, and then snuck out through a bathroom window all because he thought kiryu was in danger

50. his ability to take criticism and even valuing it and not wanting people to mindlessly follow him

49. his glower in that One Frame in the rain from that pre-fight cutscene with him in y2 you know the one

48. how he got mad at ryuji after he was asked out on a takoyaki date

47. how he's touched by the fact that mine bought a share in every taxi company in kamurocho just to find him

46. how even with his hair slicked back as chairman it still looks so soft

45. daigo's goofy ass smile he gives kiryu in y3

44. god help me the small smile he gives mine moments before mine decides to kill himself

43. how daigo was more concerned about mine's safety than why exactly he was on the rooftop in the first place

42. how even though daigo was upset with mine and kanda's scheming that didn't stop daigo from not only giving away billions of yen but also taking a bullet for mine even when mine was green to the clan at the time

41. the lil 'text' updates you get from him in rggo thanking you and saying you're helping the clan be better <3

40. how daigo not only helped the schoolkids with their raffle event and deal with gangsters but also personally attended and made sure everyone was havin a good time

39. to add on to him barely yelling (sins the time when mine jumped off the roof </3</3 and when he shouts banzai <3) when he interrupts people he still doesnt yell and sounds so calm while doing it

38. his decision to '''''''disband''''''''' the tojo clan despite how hard he fought for it in kiryus name

37. how he considered the lives of the yakuza and what would happen to them, making sure they had a safety net in the security company before going through with the plan

36. how he was able to play the long game and use his decision to disband the tojo to his advantage in the first place and fuck over aoki's own plans even if it meant hiding out for twosome years

35. how he canonically gives 'i'm not mad i'm just disappointed' lectures

34. how daigo sits legs spread while kiryu sits Respectfully in the seiza position during their visit to the omi and he looks like a grumpy teenager being dragged to a parent/teacher conference

33. how daigo acknowledges his reckless behavior by the end of y2 and now wants to do better for kamurocho

32. daigo's very blink-and-you-miss-it moments where he's a snarky little shit

31. the shade of brown his eyes are and how they arent totally pitch black

30. his sassy little hand-on-hip pose he does for his poundmate summon

29. the necromancy

28. how he just looks miserable during his introduction scene at the cabaret when he's supposed to Allegedly be a party animal

27. the cute lil outfit he wore for the dead souls substory <3

26. that render of him with the shotgun and he's not even holding the handle

25. his goofy ass 'wauUUGGH' he makes when you hit him because He Never Raises His Voice so him getting hit sounds like the most unnatural thing possible

24. him having such a dramatic intro in y5 (and genuinely being one of my fave intros to a game in the franchise) only for us to find out he just wanted to help a homie out with some cash

23. him willing to go to juvie For Said Homie and the team so him and their baseball team could achieve their dreams

22. the disappointed mother energy in him having to tell shinada not to announce to the entirety of japan he's the tojo clan chairman

21. his impeccable accuracy

20. how he has no qualms with shooting or killing people

19. how he unloaded a whole clip into shindo after dude macks on his mom and only stopped shooting when kiryu told him to stop

18. daigo having the energy of an angry dog whenever ryuji's on screen and kept getting his shit rocked (bonus points for ryuji not remembering tits about him)

17. his silly little fists-on-hips pose he does when you take a selfie with him in yk2

16. how he was concerned about mine's relationship with money and wanted to get closer with him without feeling like he was only interested in mine because of his money or other material possessions

15. the fact that Apparently he still puts his puffer on from time to time as chairman

14. his awful posture in dead souls, especially in comparison to how straight he stands later on

13. how he's so upfront with kiryu about how strong of an influence he was on him

12. the goofy as hell disguise he wears in y5

11. the lil blue hospital outfit he wears in y6 <3

10. his ability to draw people together

9. how you can bash him with noodles in a NG+ file on YK2. the way he flops over.. </3

8. him and haruka being cemented as kiryus kids by both of them being kidnapped in the same game

7. how even while daigo has a calm and empathetic demeanor he doesn't object to things such as yubitsume and he doesn't strictly follow the whole honor system going on in rgg

6. how his comment on being slaves under the government in y7 can be gleaned from the fact he was practically a slave to the police in y4 and following their whim. if not that just being a hilarious progression of circumstances

5. just how cool his tattoo is and the depth of the meaning to it.... (really such big bonus points for the fact a dragon there in addition to. Everything Else about it)

4. how he just gonna stand next to majima smiling and happy at the end of y4 as if he didnt throw him to the wolves (or the pigs ig GOTTEM)

3. how five seconds after he gets out of prison in 2017 for a fire he didnt commit he has to deal with tokyos new bitch ass governor cracking down on yakuza laws and As Aforementioned navigated that situation swimmingly

2. despite him being driven places for the most part he can still drive

1. his gargantuan balls (both metaphorically and physically)

[thatcreepydoll]

no because i’m actually so sick of this “friend” of mine. we’re gonna call her jane.

so jane is being a b word to me because she literally is so fake and disrespectful to me like ever since she found out who i like she’s been making a point to try and go after him and steal him from me when he literally likes me too and it didn’t start happening until she found out. she will do it right in front of me too and i have receipts.

not to mention she’s so self centered like not everything is about you jane calm down. she’s so possessive too she doesn’t let me have other friends even tho i’m literally friends with everyone and she is like “oh no buttons is mine let me sit next to buttons” and she will like try and get me away from crowds of my friends and will stand uncomfortably close to me. she’s so touchy too which i hate because i let only my favorite people hugs me/touch me/stuff like that and she’s def not one of my favorite people.

NOT TO MENTION JANE LITERALLY HATES ME BECAUSE IM CHRISTIAN. LIKE DUDE IDC IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN WHAT I BELIEVE IT DOESNT AFFECT ME UNTIL YOU START CRAP TALKING ME FOR IT AND BEING DISGUSTED BY ME BECAUSE I WEAR A CROSS ON MY NECK AND WHEN I TALK ABOUT RELIGION WHEN IM NOT FORCING IT ON YOU YOU BACK UP AND MAKING A FACE AND GO “ewww Jesus” LIKE DAWG THAT HURTS MY RELIGION IS EVERYTHING AND YOURE ACTING LIKE ITS A JOKE JOKES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY

and my crush is literally christian too so if she tries to get him it’s not gonna work when he finds out she hates christians and is disrespectful towards them.

and like no one else likes her too she’s too touchy and all she does is cross my boundaries and i already struggle with boundaries and communicating my feelings so yk i can never tell her how i feel or be like yo cut that out i always have to play it off like a joke or something but im this close to snapping at her she actually pissed me off she’s so fake and is toxic and i need her out of my life

snd for when pearce sees this because he knows jane irl jane is always carrying a book (typically smut) they have a keychain and wear a raven claw hoodie and are obsessed with hamilton.

[sourbombz]

So my friend made a joke about how I need to stop timelooping Yuma (because I keep replaying the game) and now I've just been thinking about timelooping him so here's a thought dump about a timeloop AU

Spoilers!!

How the timeloop itself functions/started I have two ideas for at the moment

one being: the idea that Yuma didnt leave the mystery labrynth at the end, and he's basically reliving the mystery over and over again due to his soul wandering forever (I feel mixed on this because I like the idea of everyone being Real and not just the result of a labrynth but this is also a very fun idea to think about as well? Hm)

The other being: the emergency exit.. didnt work how it was supposed to and suddenly Yumas back where he started and also stuck. Also Shinigamis not actually gone (because I don't want her to be!!)

Other than those ideas hhh I dunno forces beyond our comprehension (me I am the forces)

Okay, other fun things

Yuma: he's the center of the timeloop, so he's aware of it. He's so tired, he still doesn't have his past memories but he has future ones now! (Soooo he knows he's Number One, and everything)

Shinigami: she's also aware of it/stuck! She doesn't mind it, less boring than being trapped in a book and she gets more time with Yuma! Joyous!

Fubuki: I think it'd be so fun if Fubuki like.. was also kinda stuck with him, she's the time gal afterall! Although she's Fubuki so she's probably more so "also stuck, but also oblivious"

Vivia: I feel a need to bring him up, and I don't know if I really think he'd be really stuck since time in particular isn't his thing? But yeah udk (I've thought about making him aware because I'm a kokolight shipper and POTENTIAL but I'm on the fence)

Makoto: I guess it depends on how the timeloop itself works on if Makoto knows of it/is stuck as well here or not. So I'm gonna go with "he may or may not it's honestly hard to tell"

All other characters would probably not be aware of it. So I won't talk about them right now

Anyway yeah I imagine at first Yumas like "WHAT HUH WHY WHATS HAPPENING" and then after calming down starts assessing situation and trying to like, do what a lot of people would probably do in that circumstance and try to do things better, save people who died, all of that as ya do.. annddd the timeloop doesn't stop and its a nightmare

I dont have a SINGLE clue how stopping it would happen. All I know is loop loop loop loop

Anyway here's some of my brainstorm doodles the first page I did at 1am before I had anything really thought of, enjoy (idk of its obvious but I am also a Kaguford (Makoto x fubuki) fan, I just think they're cute)

There's so much more I want to think about like hey he knows Yakous murder plot now how would he go forward with that information, how would he go about the cases in the game in general? Augh so much to think about but those are my current thoughts YAY

[selfspinninglies]

👁️👁️?

hi aureo that was fast . anyway explanation under the cut woo

its kinda fuzzy in my head since ive only had this idea for two days including today so . but basically theres magic in the world that this takes place in (side tangent that isnt totally important but im gonna talk about how it works now if you dgaf skip to the plot stuff) its mostly not demonized/hated/feared/whatever cause i dont feel like it . anyway basically the energy needed is inside of your blood so whenever you use it it draws it out of you in some way (depends on what its used for) or you can draw it out yourself (bloodletting) and depending on how strong the spell you're doing is a certain amount of blood will be needed which causes !! a lot of problems for magic users . also its not like . a lineage thing anyone can learn how to do it because another part of how it works is making bonds/pacts with spirits that hold power over certain things and the blood is like . the offering also and you can either use incantations of sorts to do spells or just command things that youve borrowed power over also if your family has a pact with a spirit you are automatically in that also

vey end up going into the center of the woods and there's a grave in the clearing so vey go to it and make a blood offering assuming that this is the correct place (<- its not . oops) which ends up pissing off the spirit there because they do not have a pact together so vey are Not supposed to do that . it ends up pissing the spirit off more by admitting that it thought this was the correct place to be for a different spirit who was apparently not even close to here . who knew (everyone except erika) . the spirit ends up laying a curse on nem as its one of those angry and restless ones + got angered further . the spirit explains that somewhere in their body the seed of the plant that fits them best will start growing inside of them at a random place and slowly kill them by taking all of their energy and eventually spread out of them and essentially take over their body . they don't say if there's any way to cure/get rid of and it doesn't really sound like there is . they also say that when ey're at eir deathbed ey'll drag eir body back to this very spot and become part of the forest in the same way the spirit is . (sorry i keep saying "the spirit" i know it sounds kinda weird but i havent named them yet) (also ihave sooosososo many thoughts about how this would work so . maybe another time but if you wanna hear me go insane ask)

(other side tangent) also the way that the spirits work is that if you're connected to something deeply throughout life and your death is also connected to that thing (ex you have a connection to oceans/lakes/rivers your entire life and then you drown and die) you become bound to it spiritually and it becomes literally a part of you which means you have command over it kinda (does any of this make sense . idk) but it sucks a lot because the thing draws out your energy after death to fuel your ability cause like i said earlier spells require energy n shit but you also gain the ability to share your ability with others which relieves it a little since the burden isnt all on you BUT some spirits are angrier and curse anyone who steps foot near the area where they died . also their abilities and people who have deals with them's powers are amplified in the death area

ANYWAY actual plot time . the protagonists name is erika/erik (goes by both) (any pronouns but mostly uses neos) and ney're part of a family that has a pact (<- i think im going with that as for what ill call these) with some sort of plant spirit ney aren't sure which one though ney didnt pay much attention to the explanation of it all . it doesnt care too much about its lineage its more interested in biology and anatomy related things (<- woaww title reference) and also salamanders . its not story important but ve really likes salamanders . anyway x2 nix is somewhere in nixs early 20s and lives alone in an apartment planning on going to college soon but is putting it off . probably works a shitty 9-5 that it hates idk . very tired guything . theyre kinda bored and start thinking about their abilities and general ineptitude with it and decide that they'll go to the forest that their pact spirit dwells in to feel more connected to it or whatever . ey didn't really plan things through a lot . It makes a small bag with some supplies in it just in case and goes to the place that it thinks is the correct one but ends up being wrong and ends up in a very large forest . paragraph break because this one's getting long

obviously it freaks the fuck out about this and ends up running veryvery far away from the clearing and ends up collapsing somewhere because its really fucking tired . in the morning to nix's surprise nothing happened to nix in that time . anyway first thing he does is take out a diagram of the human body that was in one of the notebooks that he took with him and starts drawing out what the curse might look like on the inside . (which is also kinda where the name of the story comes from)

hey remember how i said energy needed for spells lay inside someone's blood . and how the plants will sap off of the person's energy and therefore blood . and how erik's family has a pact with a plant spirt . hey do you think that might be just a little important -

so anyway she tries to find her way back but fails miserably because the one thing she happened to forget was a map of any kind so now she's stuck in a forest with a deadly curse and no idea how to fix herself. they frantically walk through the forest and end up finding a village filled with totally normal people yayyy . anyway when they get there they say that they got lost in the woods and need a place to stay until they figure stuff out . oddly enough someone agrees to house them for a bit . The people of the town are incessant with questions, particularly about if they've encountered the spirit . on impulse he lies saying that he didnt which totally wont bite him in the ass later i mean who said that . anyway thats basically the plot theres more but this is already long as fuck and i dont feel like typing anymore idk how much of this makes sense but whateverrr im sleepy n sickly (<- has a cold) so . yeah hope you like it :]]

[gaeasun]

Ahsoka Season Finale

I watched the season finale. im not happy! why exactly im not happy i'll put below but. Basically Filoni took some of the main things we know about the Jedi and undid it.

Sabine now has the Force, apparently! Because the Force resides through all living things, and now that has been entirely retconned to mean that anyone can use the Force if they simply wish for it hard enough. and she suddenly can use it strong enough to throw people meaningful distances, on her second use ever.

Sabine was a Mandalorian. Sabine being Mandalorian has always been one of the most key parts to her character. But apparently isnt anymore other than wearing her armor. Considering her family (that were coincidentally on Mandalore when it got bombed despite not actually having their home base on that planet) are now all dead, I suppose that explains part of it. And I also suppose perhaps Sabine could have felt that training as a Jedi was her best connection to her Rebel family, especially Ezra, however considering they never actually mentioned once why Sabine wanted to train to be a Jedi thats unfounded and there is currently no reason, and therefore no good reason for her to do that. and yes there should be a reason, considering that this was entirely unorthodox.

They so badly ignored what they'd said before about Kyber crystals. That they are attuned by the Force to their user. That lightsaber was Ezras, and he'd bonded to it. And he did not "give it to Sabine" he actually handed it to Chopper. You might say semantics, I might say, lightsabers are now just being treated as glowy swords when they are actually supposed to be sacred to their Jedi. Also, Ezra just randomly found his own kyber crystal apparently. It is a witchy planet so ill accept that. but he might have said two words about it.

The whole point of training Jedi young was so they would learn to control their abilities before they could learn how to abuse them. Every Jedi we've seen that was taken in later struggled hard with the dark side, including Ezra, Quinlan Vos, and most notable Anakin. Sabine is around thirty, making her older than all of them. And she lost her family in a convenient tragic attack. Why is no one even stopping to think (in the show) about this.

No Rex. Rex played SUCH a huge role in Ahsokas life and now they sidelined him so hard its not even funny. Where was Rex when Anakin was Vader? Still by her side, when everyone else had left or died. They were trauma bonded besties! But no one cares about the clones apparently. No matter what universe, ours or theirs, they are perpetually abandoned by their creators. STOP PLEASE.

Ahsoka barely used reverse grip. it has been her thing FOREVER. but now she barely used it even twice across eight episodes, not even to deflect blaster bolts which would have been pretty easy to show. if you cant do this in live action then i have a solution: dont do the show in live action. or just get different choreographers. but It has defintely been shown there is live action ability to do reverse grip fighting, not doing it is lazy.

this point is my biggest beef. Despite this series being centered about the Jedi, and going outside the tradition of what we have always seen Jedi as, they never even settled on a new meaning of what a Jedi is. heck, they never even ASKED the question of what a Jedi is. i guess its just someone who swings around a lightsaber. thats all we've seen anyways. Force not required. Ideals? Guidelines? Tenets? Not even mentioned.

The fact of the matter is, the Jedi have always been a religion centered around the Force. Maybe you can serve the Force without having it! Which actually sounds really noble and could have been explored! but the thing about religions is, you follow their cause and their rules and align yourself to them. you do NOT do your own thing and redefine everything around you and force it to now include you. pretty sure thats what we call a cult. im not calling what is being done a cult, but i am saying is that this show (and primarlily Feloni) remade Sabine AND remade the definition ( without clearly stating one) of Jedi to "force" it to fit into their own thoughts. its downright disrespectful and i wish they'd never made this show in the first place. it was not worth it.

[atthebell]

i was just thinking about that actually, looking at the torn page of the strach prophecy i think mia and jaser are both "two halves" of the unhaunted one, the order agents just didn't/couldn't account for that properly? i always flipped between thinking "hes the god of fear" and "of course he's the unhaunted one" and was so confused by lack of clarity there. but i think thats the point kinda? fear doesn't have an entity, fear is just Fear. so there is no god of fear *to* meet. just both halves of the prophecy reuniting. there's a few scenes where jaser wanders into view (like when verity is yoinked and when calisto kills beto) but i think most people would not have actually remembered that :sob: so like. idk it could have been implied better. or at least in the opposite way that mia isn't who they're talking about. also yeah both andrea and sofia dying in childbirth was like ok sure parallels and all but cmon. really

oh yeah no i think there's some funky stuff going on with them both being important to the enigma of fear and all that and i agree that i dont think the god of fear is "real" necessarily. and i knew there was some mysterious other figure but quite frankly to me mia should be the center of the game because its about her. im also just not very fond of chosen one kind of stories so that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, although i did really like the ending between the two of them.

jaser also felt kind of strange to me because the first part of the game in the mansion is all about investigating the strachs, but after that point when mia is exploring the other areas she's clearly investigating what happened when equipe elite was there, so it stops being about the strachs and starts being about these order agents who got pulled into the idea of the other ending and the horrors of the perimeter. so then its really weird when all of a sudden everything turns and hinges on this strach kid that we didnt know about until just now. like, i DO get that you're supposed to be bated a little bit, but there was no way to guess that jaser was quite so central-- for a while menace and i were theorizing that maybe mia was the strach baby, actually, until we saw sofia and realized mia couldn't be anything but her daughter (and also mia has veríssimo's eyes as well). i think there were better ways of leaving hints about jaser while still leaving room open for people to think mia was the one all the desassombrado stuff referred to.

idk i think jaser could have used a lot more signposting in that regard-- i think more clues in the mansion and maybe more references to whatever was going on in the unhaunted wing would have helped with that. because truly i was baffled that this random green eyed little freak was suddenly more important than mia. and the fact that even sofia's limited appearances center on jaser rather than mia was disappointing to me, honestly. i wish a lot of things were different in regard to sofia, if i haven't made that obvious enough, and same with andrea, who gets basically no mentions after you leave the mansion and also dies unceremoniously in childbirth.

i enjoyed a huge amount of the story and i had a really fun time with most of the game, don't get me wrong, i just think the bits with jaser/the end of the game needed more work in terms of story as well as the puzzle setups.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, its reg kin anon with, unfortunately, an ask not as pleasant as the last

i thought about what you said before, that i should consider going home before christmas, just in case. and i did, in the end, for my mother's birthday a couple weeks ago. it wasnt pleasant, but i went anyway and spent most of the whole three days with her.

in the end, im glad i did. none of my three siblings were home for it, one of them actually went to another country the morning of her birthday, so i was the only one of her kids who was there.

and again im glad i did, because the morning before i got my train home, she told me that shes getting surgery at the start of december. her doctors think they could take some of the cancer out - not all of it, mind, but some - but i cant stop thinking about the risks. i think its because i watch too many medical shows (im a sucker for greys anatomy) but im genuinely so terrified she wont make it to christmas.

i always hate christmas honestly, because its a time that youre supposed to spend with family and i dont get along with mine enough to have a pleasant day, or even a mediocre day. im starting to wish now that id appreciated it more even though id end most of them upset and depressed and wishing i was anywhere else. but at least all of us were there, yknow? what if she doesnt get to christmas?

the worst part is that a bit of me doesnt even want to go home for christmas even if she does get through the surgery. i know itll be shit like it always is and i know itll be even shittier this year so im dreading it with every fibre of my being but if this christmas is barely guaranteed, next year sure as hell isnt. if i go then im going to hate it, but if i dont then i know ill regret it forever.

i know im going to go home for the holidays, and tbh this ask really isnt about that. im really just afraid about the surgery and i havent told any of my friends because theyre still not meant to know about the cancer. ive been meaning to talk to my university about it but it feels like doing that makes it too real and scary, and its already real and scary enough.

i dont know how to deal with the fear, and i really dont know what to do if anything went wrong. im terrified

Hi!

First off, Grey's Anatomy is amazing, I love it

Second, I want to remind you that you're allowed to both dread this Christmas and be thankful for it.

But as far as the fear...that's a harder thing. I wish I could say everything will be alright, but we both know that things are uncertain and you have a right to be nervous. I think in this case, the best thing is to recognize those emotions and remember that they're allowed. You don't have to hide them or stuff them down. You say you can't tell your friends, but I forget- did you say your campus has a guidance center? Could you find a therapist? In the very least, keep venting here. Remember that stuffing down the fear isn't healthy.

Also...I know you don't want to tell your friends but like...what really could happen if you do? Like do you have friends who might be willing to keep the secret? Because I think you need a support system, and you deserve one.

I'm sending you so much love.