#i don't want to upset anybody

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

[piko-power]

Being a Sonamy fan is hard (and just being an Amy Rose fan in general)

*quick note, I have only seen a few leaks regarding Sonic X Shadow Generations so take this post with a grain of salt and please add in some stuff about the game that I should be aware of because I have a feeling that this post might be incorrect about a lot of things*

*contains possible Sonic X Shadow Generations spoilers*

Being in love with Sonic isn't Amy's only trait. She is something more. She's a baker, a tarot card user, she's got a strong heart of gold, and is just a passionate and cheerful cute little weird girl.

As a Sonamy fan, these "changes" are nothing special or big, it's still just Amy being Amy, but this time more than just wanting to be with Sonic. I am aware of that one edit where Amy was trying to give Sonic cupcakes. It's really cute, but it's not the same without the hand over her face. Am I complaining? Yes, and no, it's hard to describe. (I don't have the image with me atm but in the future I'll edited in on this post)

I'm not complaining because we are seeing Amy just doing more than just, loving over Sonic. She still is in that cutscene, and most of the game as far as I'm concerned (I haven't seen all of the leaks), but in a more calmer fashion.

But at the same time, I am complaining because, and I highly doubt SEGA is doing this, at least on purpose, but Amy's crush on Sonic feels like is getting buried in a way.

I kind of worry that a newer generation of Sonic fans will never find out about Amy's crush for Sonic, or just how wonderful their dynamic in general is if this keeps going on.

I know it won't, but still, we haven't been seeing that a lot. But at least if you want to introduce new fans Sonic and Amy's dynamic, platonically or romantically, make sure to not bring up Heroes or a couple of X episodes please LMAO

(But that one episode where Amy and Sam talk about her relationship with Sonic, yeah, bring that one up. OH. and the last episode of Season 2, don't forget about that one.)

Look, we're all high on Son/adow right now, and it feels good, but what about Sonamy? Sonamy and Son/adow have a lot in common and are both really good with angst potential and lots of great character interactions. At least in my opinion anyway. (Topic for another day, if I'm brave enough)

I love them both equally, so I want to see an equal amount of hedgehog dorks being together. Or better yet, Sonamyshad. 😎

But I'm getting slight off-topic...

I don't want Amy's crush to be forgotten. You don't even have to like Sonamy to understand why and how Amy's feelings for him is actually really important for her character. (Again, topic for another day)

I mean, of course, some reasons as of why relate to my personal headcanons, but there are other good in-canon reasons, too!

Hell, even Sonic and Amy's friendship is just as important. They don't have to be a couple, but that doesn't mean we have to pretend that Amy never fell in love with the hedgehog who saved her life in more ways than one.

I also don't want how much Sonic and Amy's relationship improved throughout the years to be forgotten, either. This is why I'd rather have the shot of Sonic's covering her face with his hand, because he wouldn't do this today, and that's the point of all this...

They both started off as goofy, little kids, one wanting to share her love like wildfire, and the other always running off, not understanding the concept of love, and, of course, not loving her back.

Amy was much more loud and expressive about her love, and Sonic, while he knows there is good in Amy, does not want to be part of a relationship, and doesn't know how to talk things out about it, even with Amy not taking "no" for an answer. The solution? Just run away lol

Yeah, there are times where he called her a "pain" and thought of her as "annoying," but those times he was either in a hurry, or in a bad mood. Remember: They were both younger at the time, so it's in-character for Sonic at that age.

Sonic and Amy don't have a lot of moments where they're just, together. And not just for a "date." Sonic doesn't know a lot about Amy other than her love for him. ...Okay, some things he does know, but not a lot.

Their relationship was beginning to shift after the events of Lost World and especially after Forces, which I would explain, but I'm gonna put a link here because I don't want this post to be too long.

But if you have read it, then the next couple of texts would have some context lol

Anyways, after all that, Sonic and Amy's relationship was a lot different now. Amy was more calm but still cheerful, just not showing a lot of her love for Sonic because she's fully aware that none of that is important, and Sonic was more gentle around her because he wanted to be better than how he acted towards her for a while.

They both just want to hang out and start over as proper friends, but eventually, Sonic would find out what Amy was going through mentally, and how long she kept this from him.

Perhaps after that, Sonic wouldn't mind being closer to Amy, but he still has a world to look after. But hey, maybe slowing down and letting Amy catch up with him won't be so bad. Besides, he's finally seeing her happy with just him for the first time in a while, and he never realized just how much he missed it until now.

Buuuuut, those are just my headcanons, like I mentioned earlier. We all have our reasons why we love or dislike a ship (as long as it's not gross), and I have my own.

These two, just like son/adow, hold a special place in my heart because of what I went through myself, and how much they both have grown, and I truly hope that their relationship and friendship won't be forgotten.

I know it won't happen, but I still have that feeling... Probably because no body cares about their dynamic as much anymore.

Because of the past and people misinterpreting the ship, and Amy's character as a whole, the fandom seemed to care less about it. I mean, I don't blame them, but... it's still pretty messed up.

It's fine if you don't like sonamy, but I really hope you dislike it for a genuine reason, and not just because of some fans getting some things, or worse, everything about Amy and/or the ship wrong.

Amy's character arcs through the games, and her and Sonic's dynamic through the years have been overlooked as far as I'm concerned. Not like heavily overlooked, it's just that it's been a while since I've seen people give a damn about Amy Rose, especially SEGA.

I know we got The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, but I feel like that's not enough.

What's going on with Sonic X Shadow Generations is pretty strange, but first of all, it's not Ian's fault god dammit, and second, I don't see it as a big deal. I haven't seen most of the leaks, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not that bad.

(But I have heard about that one cutscene with Knuckles and Classic Sonic and I couldn't help but laugh my ass off over it XD)

But with how the game is handling Amy, please be aware that this isn't the first time this happened, and it's not even that bad either. I mean, yeah I did mention how I'm worried about it, but I was over it once, I'll get over it again lol

There have been discussions about this since the Fast Friends Forever bio thing that happened last year, and I'm getting kind of tired of the arguments by now.

Amy stopped chasing Sonic not because she doesn't love him anymore, but because she doesn't need too. She is part of the team and has been closer with Sonic for a long time now. She doesn't need to follow them around when she already have proven herself to be useful and a fighter.

I'm really happy Amy is being recognized as something more than having a crush on Sonic, but having a crush is the heart of Amy's character.

Looking up to Sonic and wanting to be like him is what made Amy Rose... well, Amy Rose. She pushed herself and fought hard to be the person she wanted to be, and it's all thanks to Sonic.

He inspired a lot of people around him, especially Amy, so it's no wonder why she loves him so much. Plus, her tarot cards told her that he would be the love of her life, but I feel like even if the cards are wrong (not saying they are lol), she still loves him.

I want Amy's feelings for Sonic, and their friendship and their potential relationship to be remembered for a long time. I don't want them to be pushed to the side forever.

I don't want people to believe that her crush is her only trait, even though it's so important to her character.

I don't want Amy to change too much. Friends or not, I don't want her to give up on Sonic entirely.

I don't want this fandom to forget about Amy Rose.

[moe-broey]

Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.

[dormiloncito]

the consequences of my actions are upon me

[hexastitchimera]

How genuinely fucking sick in your rotten heart do you have to be to not only be intimidated by queer children, but to hurt and even kill them.

You're grown ass adults who are terrified of CHILDREN. That's the most fucking pathetic thing I have ever seen. Take your own advice and "grow the fuck up, snowflake."

[moongothic]

Question, why do you dislike the haki detransition theory for Crocodile? I think it would be interesting to see how he worked around not using haki and what kind of techniques he cooked up that way. Or maybe he only has to avoid using a certain type of haki?

It's less about the theory itself and more the potential story scenarios the theory could lead to that I dislike

Because if it was revealed in the story that Crocodile could use Haki but has actively been choosing not to because it would detransition him, then it could very likely lead to a scenario where Crocodile is forced to use Haki for some reason or another, thus he'd end up detransitioned. And I personally don't want to see that. I don't want to see Crocodile detransitioned against his will, nor put into a situation where he has to sacrifice his own comfort for any reason.

Like I don't know how to really explain it... For me it'd just rub me the wrong way the same way when ablebodied people celebrate it when disabled people in wheelchairs force themselves up to walk (say, to walk down the aisle) as if putting themselves into excruciating pain for a moment to appear """normal""" was a good thing Like obviously these are not the same thing and not actually comparable, I just can't think of anything else to compare it to explain why I don't want to see Croc detransitioned.

'Cause I can imagine, if Crocodile was forced to use Haki to, say, protect Luffy or some shit, there would be so many cishets who would celebrate it and treat it like it was a good thing. There'd be so many people saying shit like "Crocomom reveals her true form to heroicly save Luffy" or some shit (just going 1000% on the misgendering), and people would treat that kind of scene "a beautiful moment" instead of something that would (/should) be painful, humiliating and deeply uncomfortable for Crocodile. And I would fucking hate that. I would hate all of that so much. Not to mention, a scene like that could easily end up becoming the most memorable Crocodile moment in the series, and I don't want the trans man to end up being remembered as a woman. Not to mention Crocodile would then be STUCK detransitioned. Like the only way to retransition would be if he got another HRT shot from Ivankov, and between Iva-chan being on the other side of the Red Line (aka not accessible as of now), and them having zero obligation to help Sir Mass Murdering War Criminal retransition. Yeah. I don't want to watch him get humiliated and mocked for being trans. And the likelyhood he could be is absolutely mortifying.

And I know. Yes, even if the theory was true, it doesn't mean Crocodile would have to end up detransitioned in the story, it could just be there to explain why he can't use Haki and be left at that. I will argue that if you were going to make a plot point out of it, then it would be pointless if there weren't concequences for it. Like, it should lead to something. That's Writing 101. And the only other option then would be Crocodile refusing to use Haki for something and dying. Or him allowing someone else to end up hurt and/or die because he wouldn't be willing to sacrifice his comfort for their sake. Needless to say, both moves would end up being demonized to hell and back. The former for "being stupid and weak", the latter for being "selfish and evil". There would be no winning here. So in other words; Crocodile staying transitioned would end up as a selfish/evil action that would be looked down upon, while if he stopped being trans, that would be seen as a good thing to be celebrated. Need I explain why this would be fucked up.

So again, it's less the theory itself. It's where the theory could lead to (the Turbo Transphobia) that I dislike.

And the best way to avoid those horrible scenarios would be if the theory that allows them wasn't actually canon. If Crocodile can't be detransitioned permanently (without Iva-chan), then there's nothing to worry about.

[iwakuraz]

just remembered a bad take I saw a while ago and now my ribcage physically hurts. like okay. grabs you by the shoulders. How do you think that. did we read the same book??

[br-disaster]

:D! for the ship ask game, 3zun?

Ohh thank you for this one <3 <3 ! I'm not sure I ever talked about it here. I'll admit, they look great together and their canonical drama is very appealing, but sadly

I don’t Ship It (anymore)

Why don’t you ship it? When I first got into the MDZS fandom in 2020, and when I still didn't have a favorite character, I read a lot of 3zun fics and had a lot of fun. But after a little while, as I fell in love with Nie Mingjue and as I started to dislike Jin Guangyao, the fics started to bother me, because a lot of them seemed way more sympathetic towards Guangyao, and often had Mingjue as the only one to recognize and apologize for his mistakes, rarely taking his feelings into account, and I stopped enjoying them.

And this approach to the ship is quite common outside of the fics as well, so it's not really a dynamic that I like, because I have a really hard time with Jin Guangyao, and maybe that's what it really boils down to.

2. What would have made you like it?

Back in the day, if the fandom generally considered Nie Mingjue's feelings and trauma and why he is the way he is when discussing and writing this ship (and if JGY's actions against him weren't so constantly downplayed) maybe I would still be shipping it.

Now I don't think I could ever get into it again. That being said, I like the idea of it being a past relationship in a fic if it was really bad for Nie Mingjue, if that makes any sense. I don't wanna see the relationship itself, but the aftermath can be quite tasty.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

There's so much drama, they're very different from each other and trying to figure out a way for it to work can be really fun! They look really good together, like aesthetically. And they make for an excellent bad experience Nie Mingjue has to recover from ;)

[priestbitmoved]

                                  [ ˑ ˑ ˑ ] 𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑰𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑺 & 𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝒀 , a comprehensive study.

This meta will discuss Donnie's relationship with his actual family members and his relationship with family as a concept. Here I'll be exploring how his attitude towards it has shifted and changed throughout his life. I will be touching on some fairly triggering topics in this meta, all of which have been tagged and listed below. For that reason, this meta is under a read more. Please take care when reading, and don't worry if you aren't in the headspace to read this, there's no hard feelings.

Please be aware that the following topics will be discussed, some in greater detail than others: addiction, child neglect/abuse, allusions to csa, religious trauma, homophobia, pregnancy, addiction, drug use, alcoholism, family death, suicide, trauma, and discussions of war.

Donnie, despite all the misconceptions one may have of him, is motivated by family and legacy. It haunts him in a way that nobody talks about. Every man in the Watts family tree, as far back as they can trace being in the States, has served the military in one way or the other. Every man in the Watts family, since the end of the Civil War, has owned and trained horses for one purpose or the other. They may not have been in that profession their entire lives, but they all started there. Donnie did. His father did. His brother did. You get the idea. This is part of the reason why Donnie always felt so conflicted about what he'd do once he'd graduated high school. Would he continue the family legacy and enlist like his father had? Would he follow in his brother's footsteps and look to make a name for himself as a rancher? Or would he follow his heart and become a rockstar?

Ultimately, Donnie decided to follow his heart. He's always had something to prove, his mother made sure of that. He was going to make his family (and to him, at the age of nineteen, his family consisted of his brother, his sister-in-law, his niece, and his nephew) proud. He was going to do something that would, in his eyes, make him worthy of their love. Achieving his dreams would also show them how good of a job they did in taking him in, as he always feels as though he owes them for that (even though they volunteered to do it, and were happy to help out their little brother. Brody especially, as he carries so much guilt for leaving Donnie alone with their mother in the first place.)

I think that, as a child, Donnie based his notion of family off of what his mother told him. His idea of what a family should be was very much in line with the nuclear family, a mother, a father, the white picket fence, and two children. The idea of it was hammered into his head so often-and so brutally-that he felt othered by the fact that he was being raised by a single mother. This othering led to him resenting the very idea of the family home. He hated it whenever his mother would try to engage in things like family dinner at the dining table. Or dragging him to church every Sunday because that's what families were supposed to do.

When he was taken away from his mother at the age of twelve, he was introduced to what an actual, healthy family unit looked like. Brody Watts had gotten away from Texas and made a damn good life for himself. He had two beautiful kids, a wife who adored him, and Dogwood Ranch in his care. Spending his teen years with Brody and Cassidy helped heal a lot of childhood wounds, so much so that by the time his eighteenth birthday rolls around and his mother contacts him for the final guilt trip he'll ever receive from her all he can do is feel hatred for her. Hatred for her and love for the brother who'd taken him in, love for the sister-in-law who had become the older sister he'd always wanted, and love for the kids who called him 'Uncle D!' whenever they saw him. He wanted that. He wanted a home like theirs, warm and welcoming and the total opposite of the crucifix-infested battlefield that his mother had raised him in.

His early twenties were rough. Addled by fame he was not prepared for, and an addiction to anything that takes him skywards for a couple of hours. Heroin was the real killer. He overdosed twice, and was saved twice by a family he didn't share a single drop of blood with. Rancid Creature wasn't just a successful metal band, Rancid Creature was Donnie's entire world, and a love letter to the dear friend he'd lost in Lee Bennett (who had conceptualised the band when they were thirteen and still fumbling their way through learning how to play their instruments. Lee played bass, Donnie was the drummer. The dream rhythm section.) Izzy, Sammy and Clara were, and still are, like siblings to Donnie. He would drop anything to help them... he knew it wasn't the conventional family, but it was his. It was the only one he could have around all the touring and the TV interviews anyway.

Family wasn't just a loving partner and a couple of kids running around to Donnie anymore. But it's the prospect of a family that ultimately pushed him into getting clean. Anita Huerta, a long-term on and off girlfriend, revealed that she was pregnant, and that she wanted to keep the baby. She wanted to get clean for the baby, and so did Donnie. He'd swore years before that he'd never abandon his children, he'd never subject them to his bullshit the same way his mother had. Donnie, wanting nothing more than to cultivate a warm, safe, family environment for his and Anita's child, got clean.

Now that he's in his early thirties, he knows that he doesn't need to have the conventional nuclear family to be happy. A happy family home doesn't look the same for everyone, and despite the fact that he's always stressing over being as good a dad to Emma as possible, he knows this. Family is whoever you feel safe with, family is whoever helps when you're at your worst, family isn't just blood. Donnie took a long time coming to this conclusion, and he still struggles with undoing the mess his mother made of his brain, but he's there. And he doesn't intend on backing away from it anytime soon.

For some quick-fire headcanons about Donnie's family members and his relationships with those family members, look no further!

𝑅𝐸: 𝑀𝐸𝐿𝐼𝑆𝑆𝐴 𝑊𝐴𝑇𝑇𝑆 ( fc : Willa Fitzgerald & Mary Mcdonnell. )

Melissa Rose was the youngest of five daughters. Her father detested the fact that his wife would only ever give him daughters when what he really wanted was sons. This made him angry, abusive, unfaithful, and a drunkard. Her father, Adam, was a Baptist pastor. His sermons were the very definition of 'Brimstone and Hellfire.' He was a stern but charming man, with an agreeable face and the picture-perfect family. He was all about image, and this attitude would stick with Melissa all her life.

She actually wanted to run away from Texas her whole life, she had dreams of becoming a Hollywood star. She was always told that she was pretty enough to be in the movies.

Melissa married Colton Watts on a total whim, their romance was an intense whirlwind of emotions and intimacy. She'd never been treated so kindly by a man before Colton came along. He promised her the world. And then he went to war.

When Colton returned home, he was a totally different man. He was emptier than she remembered him, and she was resentful. He would have weeks, even months, of being the happy-go-lucky sweetheart she'd married. Then he'd retreat into himself and would prefer to speak to the horses he cared for than he would to her.

Eleven years of unsteady marriage later, Brody Watts was born. The euphoria of being a new parent didn't last long, Colton would soon retreat back into the stables. The same would happen ten years later when Donovan was born.

After Colton's death, and after Brody ran away from his mother's venomous tongue, Melissa was left alone to raise her youngest son. She never called him Donnie, she would only ever call him Donovan.

Donnie, as a toddler, would actually prefer the company of his mother. He enjoyed being bounced on her hip while she went about the household chores. He enjoyed listening to her read. He found his father to be something of a ghost. However, he did run and hide under Brody's bed whenever she'd get into one of her bad moods. She was vicious, a caged animal unleashed on her family.

When Colton died, Donnie was seven. And Melissa fell hard into heavy drinking. Her fuse grew shorter, and even the smallest of mistakes made by Donnie would set her off. If he cried? She'd shout. If he spilt or dropped something? She'd shout. Without even realising it, Melissa had become her father.

Donnie grew older, more vocal, and pushed back against Melissa's temper. He was rewarded with violence, with unwarranted sermons. She would punish him by making him copy entire verses from the Bible by hand. She would take scissors to his hair whenever he refused to go and get it cut. Donnie's defensive, and often explosive temper, was born here. As was his desire to solve everything with his fists.

Melissa didn't hide what she thought of her son from him. She thought he was gay, and would tell him so. She would often fling slurs at him. She thought he was a sinful child, a demon given to her as punishment for running away from her family with his father. She would tell him this too.

She would also blame him routinely for his father's death. Something that Donnie still hasn't been able to shake.

Donnie was sent to a "summer camp" that the local church ran by his mother to "fix" his behaviour. The children would learn to camp, would learn to work, and would learn to be "more Christian" in their attitudes. It was essentially a behaviour retreat for delinquent kids. It was here that one of the pastors would assault Donnie.

The second he returned home, Donnie bypassed telling his mother anything and took himself straight to the local sheriff's station. He told them everything about the pastor, and about his mother. The sheriff was an old army friend of Colton's and had suspected that something was amiss for years. He was the one who saw to it that the social services took Donnie away from Melissa.

Donnie hasn't seen his mother since, and he hasn't heard from her since his eighteenth birthday. He doesn't even know if she's still alive or not, he hasn't thought to check. He's glad to have cut her out of his life, even if there has always been a longing in him to try and get through to her. Sometimes he misses her reading to him as a child, sometimes he misses her embrace. Sometimes he just wants his mom.

He only ever refers to her as 'mother' or 'Melissa.' Only in really vulnerable moments does he ever slip up and call her 'mom.'

A lot of Donnie's self-loathing stems from the way his mother treated him. A lot of Donnie's internal homophobia stems from his mother. A lot of Donnie's issues with his own masculinity stem from his mother. All of his issues with religion and the idea of a benevolent god stem from his mother's attitudes and the fact that she sent him away to that "summer camp." He's slowly coming to terms with this and feels so much resentment towards her for it that whenever she's mentioned he tends to get stiff and oddly quiet. It takes him a long time to learn to talk about her without feeling angry, and he does so for Emma's sake.

Donnie looks most like his mother, with her soft features, curly hair, and pretty green eyes. It's why he'd always take great offence to anybody ever calling him a girl when he was a teenager.

𝑅𝐸: 𝐶𝑂𝐿𝑇𝑂𝑁 𝑊𝐴𝑇𝑇𝑆 ( fc : Robert Redford. )

Colton was the middle child out of three. His older brother, Tristan, died in France, and his youngest brother, Michael, moved to Europe in the summer of forty-seven. His parents owned Dogwood Ranch, as many Watts had before them. It was the ancestral home of the Watts family.

He was raised Catholic, as many are in Longing.

He moved to Texas with his older brother to pursue a Rodeo career. Colton was a promising young Bronc rider and adored working with horses more than anything else. He also enjoyed playing guitar and singing. Music was always going to be a huge part of Donnie's life.

It was there he met Melissa Rose, who looked as though she'd just wandered off of a movie set. Colton was smitten with her, and she was smitten with him. They were young and reckless and felt invincible, and Colton wanted to give Melissa the world. They were married within six months, and, with Tristain's help, living on a plot of land in Copeville within the year.

Then he enlisted and went to war. Colton took his guitar with him to France and would sing for his fellow soldiers whenever he was able. He kept them entertained and happy despite the horrors they saw. He burned his candle at both ends and returned with bullet holes in his guitar, and holes in his heart.

He tried to fight the numbness with all his might. He tried to be present for his sons, but he'd often find himself feeling the chill of The Bulge even in the height of a Texan summer and would slip into his own mind for hours at a time.

To cope, Colton hid himself away in the shed or the stables, fearing what he might do if he was around his family for any longer than a few hours at a time. He could not trust his own body or mind.

As a result, his sons often saw him as a stranger. He tried to make up for it by teaching them guitar chords, showing them how to handle horses, or singing with them. He felt especially close to Donnie, who seemed to take better to his musical inclinations than Brody did. Brody seemed more interested in horses.

Donnie recalls several key moments with his father. Being taught to play the guitar, how to handle a gun, how to ride, how to be a Bronc rider, and being taken to Dallas when his father was due to meet with old war buddies.

Whenever talking about his father, Donnie often calls him his 'old man.' He seems to talk about him with far more respect than he ever does with his mother, despite feeling like he hardly knew him. Donnie also feels an affinity with his father now that he's an adult, especially since he's been through trauma and had to deal with the aftermath.

Donnie still owns his father's guitar, it's easily his most prized possession. He owned a silver signet ring with a cursive 'W' on it that his dad took with him to France and gave to Donnie for good luck. The ring had been in the Watts family for as long as anybody can remember. Donnie gives it to James Gallowes for good luck and as a symbol of his love for him.

In terms of appearance, Donnie takes after Colton's physical build. Looking at photographs of the two of them where their faces aren't visible, you could be forgiven for thinking it's the same person. Donnie also has his father's toothy smile and, according to Brody, Donnie's voice is freakishly similar to their dad's.

Donnie used to resent the fact that Colton put a bullet in his own mouth. It sent Brody away because it made Melissa worse.

𝑅𝐸: 𝐵𝑅𝑂𝐷𝑌 𝑊𝐴𝑇𝑇𝑆 ( fc : Charlie Hunnam. )

Brody is ten years older than Donnie. Has their mother's softer face shape like Donnie does, but the rest of his face is all Colton. Right down to the scruffy blond beard and pin-straight hair. Brody's whole demeanour is gruff, but kind. He's quick to smile and far more optimistic than his younger brother.

When they were kids, Brody would jokingly refer to Donnie as Yosemite Sam from Looney Tunes whenever Donnie lost his temper. It's why Donnie has a Yosemite Sam tattoo on his arm.

Brody always stepped in and took Donnie away from their mother whenever her temper would flare, and would play with him or read to him to keep him occupied. Sometimes he'd take Donnie up to the stables to look after the horses with him. In that way, Brody was more a parent to Donnie than their actual parents were.

At first, Donnie was confused when Brody took off after Colton's death. Then his mother got worse, and then he got angry at him for abandoning him with their mother. He was so angry that a month into being put into Brody and Cassidy's care, the two had a fight that almost came to blows. It didn't, because Brody outright refused to hurt Donnie anymore than he'd already been hurt. This made Donnie break down and cry. Brody held him and the two spoke about things more calmly.

This blowout didn't diffuse Donnie's resentment entirely, but it helped Donnie understand his brother's reasons for leaving.

The ten-year gap between the two meant that talking as brothers was often difficult for them. But Brody always did his best to be patient with Donnie, to be careful around his trauma and what might set him off. He would also cut through Donnie's moping and ensure that he wasn't self-sabotaging.

Brody also gives full embarrassing dad energy whenever Donnie's got friends over. He endearingly refers to Donnie, Lee and James as 'The Three Stooges.' James would also often find himself staying over at Dogwood Ranch after Donnie discovers that his uncle is mistreating him. Brody allows it because he really wants to encourage Donnie to be more emotionally vulnerable and have more friends.

Donnie and Brody love each other fiercely and will jump to one another's defence without question, even if they find it hard to have deep discussions without the help of a few beers.

Donnie hates disappointing Brody (and by extension, Cassidy), and so doesn't reach out to him for help when he should. He often needs pushing into contacting Brody by his bandmates whenever something's going wrong or he's struggling with Emma on his own.

Donnie's object permeance (yay ADHD!) extends to people. This means, that if things aren't in his immediate everyday life, he tends to neglect them. This makes him terrible at calling Brody and keeping in touch, thankfully, both Brody and Cassidy understand this and will often check in with him of their own volition.

𝑅𝐸: 𝐶𝐴𝑆𝑆𝐼𝐷𝑌 𝑊𝐴𝑇𝑇𝑆 ( fc : Freema Agyeman. )

Cassidy Jonas met Brody Watts and immediately fell in love. They bonded over a love of horses, rock music, and spicy food. They just clicked. Their friendship turned into love and ended with them married at the age of twenty-one. It was the most natural thing in the world.

Cassidy Watts was pregnant with twins when Donnie Watts crossed the threshold of Dogwood for the first time. He reminded her of her grandmother's three-legged cat, Nelson, who used to swipe at newcomers whenever they entered whichever room he happened to be sleeping in. He was jittery and jumped at every little noise. It broke her heart to learn what had happened to him, it made her angry too. Brody had to talk her out of driving to Copeville and giving Melissa Watts a piece of her mind. She couldn't conceive of ever hurting her children.

At first, Cassidy attempted to approach Donnie with kid gloves. That seemed to send him further into his shell. What seemed to appeal to him was being spoken to like an adult. A person in his own right. So she did. Because of the honesty between them, Donnie and Cassidy grew close.

Donnie had the messiest, most unhealthy head of curls when he came to Longing, and not a few months later, Cassidy had them styled and healthier than ever. Being a black woman with tight, coiled hair, she was perfectly qualified to help Donnie treat his curls properly. It was a long, careful routine that Donnie keeps to even now in his early thirties.

After the twins were born, Donnie took to being an uncle like a duck to water. He helped Cassidy with feeding them whenever Brody was out working, and would often keep them entertained when he wasn't out causing mischief with his new friends.

When Donnie's fifteen, Cassidy started to attend classes in hopes of becoming a Doctor or a Nurse, as she'd always dreamed of becoming one as a child.

If asked, Donnie would name Cassidy as the woman who raised him. She was the one who helped him out of panic attacks and soothed him whenever he couldn't sleep, she was the one who talked to him about his romantic feelings for James, she was the one who encouraged him to follow his heart after he graduated. She was also the person who put him in his place whenever he was letting his anger get the better of him.

Donnie almost exclusively calls Cassidy 'Cass', and it's always with the utmost affection. He adores her with his entire being.

Cassidy is also the first person Donnie comes out to, officially. She's the person he turns to whenever he finds himself stuck. He knows she won't judge him or think less of him for messing up. Neither would Brody, but Donnie isn't so confident with that knowledge. He's getting there.

𝑅𝐸: 𝐺𝐼𝑁𝐴 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐽𝑂𝑁𝐴𝐻 𝑊𝐴𝑇𝑇𝑆 ( fcs : undecided. )

Georgina and Jonah Watts are fraternal twins and are the only two children of Brody and Cassidy Watts. Donnie views the pair of them as his younger siblings.

The twins refer to Donnie as 'Don' or 'Uncle D' pretty much exclusively.

Gina falls in love with rock music because of her parents and falls deeper in love with metal and alternative music because of Donnie. Donnie often catches her rifling through his tapes when he's not keeping an eye on her. When he leaves Longing, he actually leaves the vast majority of his tapes and vinyl at Dogwood, so that Gina can listen to them. Gina also gifts Donnie with an Iron Maiden poster on his fourteenth birthday, Cassidy informs him that she wanted to give her uncle a present that meant a lot to him. He still has the poster now, it's in a frame on the wall of his office.

Jonah and Donnie bond over horses. Brody held no interest in actually participating in any kind of Rodeo events, and neither did Donnie, but Donnie knew a couple of tricks to help Jonah get started. He showed him how to ride and how to tend to the horses alongside Brody. Jonah also shares Donnie's love of Star Wars and sci-fi. He even starts to copy Donnie when Donnie starts keeping journals and writing things like song lyrics down. Jonah's got a big imagination and an even bigger heart. Donnie encourages him to feel things unapologetically and to talk to his parents when things are bothering him. When he leaves Dogwood, Donnie leaves a good chunk of his books with Jonah, knowing he'll take care of them.

Donnie misses a good chunk of the twins' milestones while he's touring with Rancid Creature, but that doesn't stop them from sending him letters and getting excited whenever he calls. He feels guilty for not being there more for them during this time, and he's always trying to make up for it, even though they hold no hard feelings over it.

Donnie also misses these milestones because he's too high, which he feels deeply ashamed of, despite the understanding he gets from Brody, Cass and the twins.

He might be terrible at calling, but Donnie has an uncanny ability to remember dates, even when he's deep in the throes of addiction and depression. He always sends thoughtful gifts and birthday cards/letters to his niece and nephew. He dedicates more than a couple of songs and awards for his music to them and their parents.

He's their favourite uncle, despite being their only uncle. And they will die defending him. They even show up to one of Rancid Creature's shows in Santa Fe to surprise him one year, and Donnie almost cries with happiness at seeing them. That's his little sister and his little brother! And he will die for them!

[the-haunted-office]

Me, sitting here worrying over accidentally upsetting people:

[myheartisworstkindofweapon]

Hpd/bpd together fucking sucks, I'll feel undesirable or like I'm not the pinnacle of my One Person's attention and it ruins me from the inside out, Category 5 Breakdown, simultaneously suicidal and thinking of ripping him to pieces just because I don't feel like he actually wants me like come on calm down and then you wind up coping by going into a weird other episode where you go "These people are beneath you so you shouldn't give fuck, they're Stupid for not liking you as much as you like them" and then you go around Again-

[loderlied]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

[crush3dmary]

Sad posting in the tags, you're free to ignore. Just need to get it out of my system and twit circle isn't sufficing.

[holdoncallfailed]

can you expand on what you meant by the actual context for the zone of interest? just curious, i only recently heard about the movie so i don’t know much

well, the movie is about the director of operations (? idk the proper title lol) for auschwitz and his family who live in a beautiful home right next to the camp. as far as i can tell the whole point of the film is to illustrate hannah arendt's phrase "the banality of evil" in that it's just the daily lives of this family and how accustomed to and unbothered they are by the unimaginable human misery that they're contributing to. there are scenes where the characters talk very casually about the violence taking place next door; there are scenes where the main guy, hoss, is talking with other military officials about how to operate the camps (i.e. kill more people) more efficiently. all of these conversations are really boring, perfunctory, the way anyone would talk about their job or mention a current event, and of course that invites the comparison to how we currently talk about terrible things in the news when we're personally unaffected by them, as just a passing thought and then back to our own lives...

what i took away from it was how well-integrated the misery of the camps is into their regular lives (obviously, cos it's the guy's job) and yet how distant the reality of it is, how little they care about the actual jewish people they're killing, because they don't think of them as human. there's never a point where we see the characters reflecting or feeling "guilty" because it's obvious that they don't think there's anything to feel guilty about.

basically i grew up learning about the holocaust in immense detail but of course it was always focused on the suffering of the jews and other victims. so it has always been difficult (impossible?) for me to imagine how german society could have just gone on as usual when all of that was happening, how they could have been so unbothered by it on such a large scale, and the film gave me a much better sense of how easy it might have been to just ignore it as an issue, especially if you specifically were profiting from it in any capacity. and that was extremely unnerving for me!

[bubblegumlefty]

So... my day's not going well.

You probably heard about the controversy about Punk and Cabana that's going on right now. And honestly... I don't know how to feel. So I'll just put a 'read more' section to spare others who don't wish to read this.

It just feels so gross and inhumane and the fact that some people are literally defending this by saying "oh, it was a different time, it was the culture back then, it's been years ago and they've most likely changed now". (I'm not lying when I say I have actually seen these flimsy excuses being given around. It's sickening) Just because it was "the norm" back then doesn't make it excusable in the slightest. Not then. Not now. Not ever. Period. No question.

This is just one of the many reasons you should never meet your heroes. Cause 9/10, they've either done something morally or legally wrong. Maybe even both. And 9/10, they won't own up to it either.

I'm just so goddamn tired. I just feel sick and emotionally drained. My interest in AEW seems to be going down the drain, if it hasn't already. I rarely live-blog in general anymore, the backstage drama is leaking into the main show, nearly everybody is turning out to be a dubious or downright terrible person behind the scenes, and I can't even enjoy talking about the show anymore without some bullshit controversy, drama, or dug up dirt flooding into my dashboard these days. It's like all the fun's has been sucked out of it, and what's left is a souless shell of what it used to be. It's ironically become the very thing they've once been very outspoken about.

And yet, for some reason, I still find the characters that are played on screen engaging. I like to study them and watch them for the character they play as, not so much for the actor behind it. Especially when it plays into creative writing/fanfiction stuff like I do. And I have a feeling that admitting that alone is gonna make me lose a few close friends. But honestly, I'm not sure if I really care at this point. I already feel icky and guilty as hell for still having that mindset even after all this crap, so I might as well just admit to it now. There's really no point in hiding it...

So, in short, Fuck CM Punk. Fuck Colt Cabana. Fuck AEW for still going along with a show that will most likely be centered around them, even after when this little controversy will soon blow up. Fuck everything.

[makedamnsvre]

you don't have to read this is for screaming in the void