#i don't want to say what happened | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

only-by-the-stars · 3 months ago

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#i don't want to say what happened #but something horrible happened to me this week and i am just.#struggling.#it hurts.

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butchfalin · 1 year ago

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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mroddmod · 2 months ago

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they are like puppies. 2 me

#gravity falls #dipper pines #mabel pines #stan pines #stanley pines #ford pines #stanford pines #gravity falls fanart #fanart #disney #pretty happy with the bg on this one!!!#to be honest i don't know how i got here #at first i just wanted to draw mabel and dipper sleeping on the floor bc i thought it was a cute idea and i love to draw cuddling #and then um. suddenly i had placed them in an entire environment and added stan and ford #couldn't tell ya what happened #but i had fun with it!!#anyway yeah thank you again for all the recent support #hit 12k!!!! woah!!!!!#i was gonna make a post thanking you for 10k but then i hit 11 and now 12 so um. whoops #to be honest i don't even know what to say 😭😭 it's just crazy to me that ive gotten this far because ive had this acc since i was like. 12 #it was my first social media i think #and the first way i got into fandoms #so yeah anyway. thank you :'))#mods art #mods draws #my art

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illusioncanthurtme--art · 2 months ago

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...I got fiddlestan brainworms

hehehe funny spongebob reference

#this is funnier if you imagine stan is still in denial that anything happened between them thirty years ago #what you don't see is a very embarrassed stan #and ford being like WHAT. WHAT WAS THAT. WHY DID HE SAY THAT.#this is pretty crappy because I didnt want to spend a lot of time on it #i got other stuff im working on!!!#i just wanted this to exist #fiddlestan #gravity falls #sketchbook #traditional art #pencil drawing #traditional drawing #fiddleford mcgucket #gravity falls fanart

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literarymerritt · 8 months ago

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Thinking about Them 🥺

Art Tumblr | Twitter

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technically-human · 3 months ago

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Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...

Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...

Part one

#dead boy detectives #dbda #payneland #edwin x charles #reverse verse #there's a lot i could say about this one #the idea of someone telling edwin he's go to hell is absurd as it is #edwin telling edwin? lmao #the charles... oh they hate each other #reverse charles is angry (he always is) because this other version of himself was spared hell... in exchange for edwin going there?#obviously it doesn't work like that. og charles hadn't even been born when his edwin was sent to hell #but anger is not a rational thing. especially not for this boy #og charles? you don't want to know what he's thinking #i'm telling you anyways #he... kind of agrees. if someone had to go to hell #why edwin? why not him? there is an universe in which that happened #so why not this one? unfair #then again... look at this charles who did go to hell #he's explosive. he's DANGEROUS #he shouldn't be near edwin #if og charles had gone to hell would he be the same? would he be too angry to be trusted? would he be like his father?#and if so would that really count as saving edwin at all?#if this is the kind of best friend poor edwin would end up with?#on a happier note though #physical contact!! reverse charles loves it #i don't have all the details but his hell was on the rage ring so it was different to the dollhouse.#and it was a very violent place so boy loves gentle touches #luckily edwin is more willing to give them to him with each year #i think what the edwins are feeling is a lot more clear #but still would love to hear your thoughts

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nokkiart · 1 month ago

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As a long time httyd fan who has been heavily involved in the fandom since the first movie and who has spent years working in the animation industry, I’d like to share my thoughts on the new httyd movie. Keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion and it's completely fine if you disagree with me. I just want to say a little something about all this that really bothers me.

The core reason that Dreamworks and Universal made this film is that it’s a quick and easy cash grab for them. Thats it. They don’t care about telling a good story or making a “better” version of the original movie for fans or even having an accurate portrayal of the characters/story. It’s purely about money. They know that fans of the original film will go see this movie, whether it’s good or bad. And those guaranteed ticket sales are all that matter to the studios. And with Universal, it has the added bonus of being a cheap promotional and merchandising opportunity for the new HTTYD land in Orlando that opens around the same time that the film is premiering in theaters.

And to help the studios make even more money out of this, they are using non-unionized VFX companies around the world to make this film, so that they can get cheaper labor and push the artists to do more that would be against American union standards. The same thing has probably happened with the costuming and fabrication for the filming, hence why the costumes look un-weathered and the sets look cheap. They don’t want to pay for the extra time and effort that it would take to make the practical bits of the production look good.

On top of all this, Dreamworks has already announced that they’re shutting down all their in-house animation projects in favor of using AI and outsourcing projects to cheaper international non-union studios.

With all this in mind, I just can’t support this film and I will not be seeing it in theaters. And I hope that others will do the same.

The only way to stop all these horrible “live action” remakes (which are actually just realistically animated remakes) is to not buy tickets to see them. Money is all that matters to these studios, and if they don’t make any money off of it, then they will stop and try something different. Maybe they'll even go back to focusing on original stories!

That’s the power that we hold as audiences. Our wallets help drive the decisions that the executives make. So support unique storytelling and gorgeous cinematography in movies. Support indie films. Support animators as they're fighting for fair pay and better contracts. But don't support a mediocre shot-for-shot remake riding on the coattails of an already successful film.

And I just want to wrap all this up by saying I have absolutely no hate towards anyone that has worked on the new film. Toothless looks incredible and I know the artists and creatives involved in this project did the best they could with what they were given.

But I also know that those same artists have so many more brilliant ideas that they would’ve loved to be given the creative freedom to do. I just wish hollywood would be willing to take a chance and let them do it.

#they could've made a film following the plot of the httyd books or even a different pov of what happened in Berk from a vikings view #those would've been much better options if they really wanted to utilize this IP in a live action or realistic animation format #but they chose the cheap option of literally copying an already successful film and throwing actors in there to say its new and different #this whole thing bugs me so much #i hope you guys will excuse this rant but I hate what hollywood has become and I hate that creatives are forced to make this junk for them #all while fearing for their jobs because of rampant layoffs #please help put an end to hollywood abusing creatives in the way that they are and don't watch this movie #httyd #how to train your dragon #hiccup #toothless #movie #live action #dragon #astrid #stormfly #cosplay #art #artists on tumblr

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inkskinned · 11 months ago

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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

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egophiliac · 10 months ago

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CROWLEY SSR THOUGHTS

there is zero basis for this, but I can't get this thought of my head

I don't know why I decided to draw it this way

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #(these will be relevant in a moment)#this isn't going to happen. but WHAT IF.#anyway i didn't get him (damnit birdman come home) so i had to look up his story #and let me tell you friends my findings were SHOCKING #crowley canonically likes vegetables which means that the crowley is revaan theory = BUSTED #crowley is sailor venus = CONFIRMED #(i know 'whip of love' is a saying but that's where my mind always goes)#DISCLAIMER: this is (mostly) a joke please continue to hold whatever theories and headcanons you want #but look. c'mon. look over here at this whiteboard i've covered in red yarn.#revaan being a picky eater has come up multiple times and there is an entire whole bit about how much he hated jerky and refused to eat it #and now they've made a point of talking about how crowley will eat almost anything and loOoOoves wild game meat especially #it's SO stupid but i can't help but read way too much into it #(this is tumblr if you don't want to see incredibly stupid overanalysis of anime guys then why are you HERE)#and i gotta hold on to something because otherwise whenever malleus and crowley are onscreen together i just keep going 'same hair color...#unless this is like. some kind of deep cover thing.#lilia doesn't recognize him because he saw him eat a green bean once and revaan would NEVER #crowley's secret is safe for another day #(serious hat on: i do think they're probably connected in some way)#(but there's something deeper going on that we're just not clued into yet that will hopefully explain things)#man forget revaan what if crowley whips off his mask and it turns out he was meleanor this whole time #wait hold on meleanor loves jerky. IT ALL FITS...

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claraoswalds · 6 months ago

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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition

#dwedit #doctor who #mrs flood #fifteenth doctor #the master #jacobi!master #tenth doctor #jack harkness #martha jones #twelfth doctor #ninth doctor #*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor #instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too #so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her #it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on #ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years #bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe #later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before #so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby #to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....

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lazylittledragon · 5 months ago

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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

#ramble #sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well #if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD #he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE #like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one #holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do #and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that #idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything #also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore #so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks #also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently #also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this #again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable #if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time

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meagancandraw · 1 year ago

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You ever think about how neither of them got to say goodbye?

#TSAMS #Sun and Moon Show #The Sun and Moon Show #TSAMS Lunar #SAMS Lunar #Sun #SAMS Sun #FNAF Sun #FNAF #Five Nights At Freddy's #MeaganCanDraw #I love New Moon a lot don't get me wrong but Old Moon's and Sun's relationship wasn't black and white (as much as NM wants to insist it was #YES Old Moon treated Sun horribly YES he wasn't the best person but #their relationship was also complicated and messy and they both genuinely loved each other despite everything #So much of what they did was for each other and that adds even more to the tragedy of their relationship and Moon's death #Sun and Old Moon's final conversation was them fighting #Moon's final in-person words to him were “I love you and I'm sorry”#to which Sun didn't say anything bc he was mad at him (which I don't blame him for given everything that happened in that episode)#Do you think Sun has realized this? How often does he go back to that moment #How often has he imagined himself saying or doing something different? Something that would've resulted in them leaving that bunker togethe #Meanwhile Lunar lost the person who gave him a new life and a family that actually cares about him #And he was in Moon's head for months and saw first hand how much his regrets and trauma affected him #Both of which would eventually destroy him due to the cycle of self-loathing he was trapped in #How much does HE think about that?#Anyway sorry for not posting for nearly (checks watch) two years??#It'll likely happen again #1k

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heliomanteia · 2 months ago

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I think Nico's ability to survive is less so about his will to live and more so about his refusal (less so personal and more so narrative-wise) to die. Nico, for the lack of a better word, is like a cockroach: you cannot kill him in a way that matters so he survives and keeps haunting the scene.

There was once a marvelous post on Nico's function as a narrative tool and it was so beautifully pointed out that he's a near-omniscient deus ex machina (to simplify) which cannot be overlooked when characterizing him. Nico carries so much narrative weight on his back (which arguably could be an example of either good or bad writing depending on your perspective) that he cannot just go and die.

His road towards healing (though definitely not walked alone/individually) is his own, that's his choice to make as a character, but his disposition as a guy that perseveres resides more within his function, in my opinion.

He's not the tragic prince doomed for self-destruction people often draw him out to be but his capacity for survival is also not a product of his continuous work as a character, at least not just that — but is rather a result of his narrative function. Simply saying, you cannot, narratively, kill off Nico di Angelo.

#🌞#Hi I'm obnoxious!#But I also don't like when the supra-character narrative plain is ignored. Because a book is not just what characters do and say.#It's often /less/ about the characters and their (presumed dare I say Gods bless media analysis) feelings and more about their function.#Nico has a very specific role assigned to him that was covered in a marvelous post I'm sure I still have somewhere. Saved.#But. Yeah. Characters of the 'deus ex machina' kind that are often keys to narrative (cough) plotholes are almost never killed off.#They persevere bc without them the plot does not happen.#If you want a character whose whole self is about hope survival and better tomorrow? Titular character of the Percy Jackson series.#Percy survives as a CHOICE he repeatedly makes. He does not contain Nico's ability to leave and enter the narrative at will.#rrverse #pjo #nico di angelo

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bread-wizards · 4 months ago

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I actually think Dorian and Orym should fight more.

Remember when their slowly building tension over and entire episode (full of passive aggressive remarks and blame throwing) led to threats? And how after, Orym thanked Dorian for handing over the crown sadly because he knew Dorian would be mad at him? And Dorian couldn't even look at him because he was legitimately hurt, thinking Orym was disappointed in him for doing what he thought was right? That was peak.

The fact they went from that to their current closeness and trust is the best part of their entire dynamic. Their relationship was hard fought and still will be. They will fight for it because they respect and care for one another deeply, and their disagreements don't change that, only improve it.