#i don't want it associated with my name
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sometimes u gotta draw cursed things. for the homies. bc it's their birthday this month.
#status: still alive#everyone on here: hey hope ur doing well are u working on ur fics?#me: working on original fiction with small breaks to draw [REDACTED]#for clarity it's not cursed in like. a moral sense. just in a general why does this exist one#i showed nemi and she told me she was never trusting me again#it's not even a surprise for the person in question lmao#i had to ask him if he was cool with it as a birthday gift bc i knew he was being driven to the party by his parents#and u know they're gonna have questions#i'm not posting this one on here for u all to see#i don't want it associated with my name#and frankly u don't want to see it
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Do you conlang? I was wondering if you had naming languages (or possibly even more developed ones) for pulling the words you use. I tried to search your blog but didn't find anything, wouldn't be surprised if the feature is just busted tho. Your worldbuilding is wonderful and I particularly enjoy the anthropological and linguistic elements.
Ok the thing is I had kind of decided I was not going to do any conlanging because I don't feel like I'm equipped to do a good job of it, like was fully like "I'm just going to do JUST enough that it doesn't fail an immediate sniff test and is more thoughtful than just keysmashing and putting in vowels". And then have kinda been conlanging anyway (though not to a very deep and serious extent. I maybe have like....an above average comprehension of how language construction works via willingness to research, but that's not saying much, also I can never remember the meanings of most linguistic terms like 'frictives' or etc off the top of my head. I'm just kinda raw dogging it with a vague conceptualization of what these things mean)
I do at least have a naming language for Wardi (and more basic rules for other established languages) but the rudimentary forms of it were devised with methods much shakier and less linguistically viable than even the most basic naming language schemes, and I only went back over it LONG after I had already made a bunch of words so there's some inconsistencies with consonant presence and usage. (This can at least be justified because it IS a language that would have a lot of loanwords and would be heavily influenced by other language groups- Burri being by far the most significant, Highland-Finnic and Yuroma-Lowlands also being large contributors)
The 'method' I used was:
-Skip basic construction elements and fully move into devising necessary name words, with at least a Vibe of what consonants are going to be common and how pronunciation works -Identify some roots out of the established words and their meanings. Establish an ongoing glossary of known roots/words. -Construct new words based in root words, or as obvious extensions/variants of established words. -Get really involved in how the literal meanings of some words might not translate properly to english, mostly use this to produce a glossary of in-universe slang. -Realize that I probably should have at least some very basic internal consistency at this point. -Google search tutorials on writing a naming language. -Reverse engineer a naming language out of established words, and ascribe all remaining inconsistencies to being loanwords or just the mysteries of life or whatever.
I do at least have some strongly established pronunciation rules and a sense of broad regional dialect/accents.
-'ai' words are almost always pronounced with a long 'aye' sound.
-There is no 'Z' or 'X' sound, a Wardi speaker pronouncing 'zebra' would go for 'tsee-brah', and would attempt 'xylophone' as 'ssye-lohp-hon'
-'V' sounds are nearly absent and occur only in loanwords, and tend to be pronounced with a 'W' sound. 'Virsum' is a Highland word (pronounced 'veer-soom') denoting ancestry, a Wardi speaker would go 'weer-sum'.
-'Ch' spellings almost always imply a soft 'chuh' sound when appearing after an E, I, or O (pelatoche= pel-ah-toh-chey), but a hard 'kh' sound after an A or U (odomache= oh-doh-mah-khe). When at the start of a word, it's usually a soft 'ch' unless followed by an 'i' sound (chin (dog) is pronounced with a hard K 'khiin', cholem (salt) is pronounced with a soft Ch 'cho-lehm')
-Western Wardin has strong Burri cultural and linguistic influence, and a distinct accent- one of the most pronounced differences is use of the ñ sound in 'nn' words. The western city of Ephennos is pronounced 'ey-fey-nyos' by most residents, the southeastern city of Erubinnos is pronounced 'eh-roo-been-nos' by most residents. Palo's surname 'Apolynnon' is pronounced 'A-puh-lee-nyon' in the Burri and western Wardi dialects (which is the 'proper' pronunciation, given that it's a Kos name), but will generally be spoken as 'Ah-poh-leen-non' in the south and east.
-R's are rolled in Highland-Finnic words. Rolling R's is common in far northern rural Wardi dialects but no others. Most urban Wardi speakers consider rolling R's sort of a hick thing, and often think it sounds stupid or at least uneducated. (Brakul's name should be pronounced with a brief rolled 'r', short 'ah' and long 'uul', but is generally being pronounced by his south-southeastern compatriots with a long unrolled 'Brah' sound).
Anyway not really a sturdy construction that will hold up to the scrutiny of someone well equipped for linguistics but not pure bullshit either.
#I actually did just make a post about this on my sideblog LOL I think in spite of my deciding not to conlang this is going to go full#full conlanging at some point#The main issue is that the narrative/dialogue is being written as an english 'translation' (IE the characters are speaking in their actual#tongues and it's being translated to english with accurate meaning but non-literal treatment)#Which you might say like 'Uh Yeah No Shit' but I think approaching it with that mindset at the forefront does have a different effect than#just fully writing in english. Like there's some mindfulness to what they actually might be saying and what literal meanings should be#retained to form a better understanding of the culture and what should be 'translated' non-literally but with accurate meaning#(And what should be not translated at all)#But yeah there's very little motivation for conlanging besides Pure Fun because VERY few Wardi words beyond animal/people/place names#will make it into the actual text. Like the only things I leave 'untranslated' are very key or untranslatable concepts that will be#better understood through implication than attempts to convey the meaning in english#Like the epithet 'ganmachen' is used to compliment positive traits associated with the ox zodiac sign or affectionately tease#negative ones. This idea can be established pretty naturally without exposition dumps because the zodiac signs are of cultural#importance and will come up frequently. The meaning can get across to the reader pretty well if properly set up.#So like leaving it as 'ganmachen' you can get 'oh this is an affectionate reference to an auspicious zodiac sign' but translating#it as the actual meaning of 'ox-faced' is inevitably going to come across as 'you look like a cow' regardless of any zodiac angle#^(pretty much retyped tags from other post)#Another aspect is there's a few characters that have Wardi as a second language and some of whom don't have a solid grasp on it#And I want to convey this in dialogue (which is being written in english) but I don't want it to just be like. Random '''broken''' english#like I want there to be an internal consistency to what parts of the language they have difficulties with (which then has implications for#how each language's grammar/conjugation/etc works). Like Brakul is fairly fluent in Wardi at the time of the story but still struggles#with some of the conjugation (which is inflectional in Wardi) especially future/preterite tense. So he'll sometimes just use the#verb unconjugated or inappropriately in present tense. Though this doesn't come across as starkly in text because it's#written in english. Like his future tense Wardi is depicted as like 'I am to talk with him later' instead of 'I'll talk with him later'#Which sounds unnatural but not like fully incorrect#But it would sound much more Off in Wardi. Spanish might be a better example like it would be like him approaching it with#'Voy a hablar con él más tarde' or maybe 'Hablo con él más tarde' instead of 'Hablaré con él más tarde'#(I THINK. I'm not a fluent spanish speaker sorry if the latter has anything wrong with it too)
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Sorry but I have to know if you know about the Deadpool k!ller
This REAL LIFE guy's name is Wade Wilson and he was a brutal m*rderer???? I need to know if you know or if I'm just cuckoo
oh no murder is only cute when it's fictional
#sci speaks#i don't really want real life murderers in my search results and. i don't really want to hear about real life murder.#real life murder stories make me feel physically ill so i don't want to know.#but wade wilson is probably not an uncommon name. there are probably a lot of wade wilsons out there#don't associate them with deadpool please. just because his name is wade wilson. don't cutesify real murder.
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I wish I could be agender the way Murderbot is agender. Right down to the lack of biological sexual characteristics. So agender that the term agender comes with too much associated gender to accurately apply. You know what I mean?
#help the dysphoria is kicking my ass again today and everything about me looks and feels wrong#demigirl still feels like it is applicable but also i wish i was more masculine but NOT in that way only THIS way#am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both?#is it my actual curves themselves or is it the very reality of having a physical body that will be gendered some way no matter what i do?#i hate it I hate all of it#Murderbot#agender#gender#gender dysphoria#body dysphoria#dysphoria#fox thoughts#'maybe if i dress more masculine that will help'#nope no thats still leaning into gender#how do i do both at once so that they cancel each other out?#i don't want to be masculine but i don't want to be female lite™ either#I don't want to be perceived as having any gender at all and its not fucking possible#fuck i don't even want to deal with pronouns 80% of the time and i don't care for my name either#why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes#☉
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im so fucking tired
#cat's rambles#neptune is complaining again#can my dad please shut the fuck up im actually sobbing I hate this i want to go home and cry in my bed#into my pillow and pretend i don't exist I hate this im such a shitty daughter actually why can't I#be perfect like my sister why am I like this why can't I be good enough why can't I be enough why#do I ruin everything why can't I do thinhs properly oh stars I'm sorry I'm so fu king sorry I'm sorry#I hate my dead name so much actually I hate being associated with it#come on pluto pull yourself together stars im so fucking pathetic
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I just . Repeating "characters are tools" you end up erasing so much about arashi's character and motivations and interactions with other characters if you avoid using her pronouns aka avoid showing she's transgender. It's on the same level of frustration with the translators i had when i saw they had Mika speaking standard English, there's a LOT that gets lost if you don't show those little things.
#and sure maybe some things wouldn't matter bc - i don't read many knights stories so beyond what's mentioned ab arashi in stories i've read#like those featuring mika and such#so i can't say for her but i can say for mika - because a lot of it is touched upon in ! which isn't getting translated#mika talks about his accent and dialect and such the most in ! HOWEVER#you still have idol story 3 where he talks with Tsumugi about how people perceive him because of his accent and#about how he feels like he's letting people down by not conforming to the positive stereotypes associated with his speech#and if you make him speak the standard language you completely lose that layer#if you erase the fact that Arashi is transgender you completely lose that layer of her characterisation and motivations#she literally has a story in !! where she talks about how much it hurts her to always be cast as the male character#in princess-knight themed shoots when all she wants to be is the princess#but how are you gonna get the full context of that if the story refuses to give you the context you had in the original#ie. that Arashi uses the (hyper)feminine ''atashi'' pronoun and that her speech pattern is one associated with young women#in ! she has a line where she asks i believe koga to not use the slur used for effeminate/gay men for her#because her name is arashi narukami and if anything she wants to be called arashi-chan or naruko#which is also additional context lost if you don't translate it right - the -ko suffix in a name is traditionally feminine#i'm no expert either but i'm a writer and i plan on working as a translator#and these are things that - if lost in translation - will impact your understanding of the entire story and/or character#whether it will have you completely misunderstanding it or just being confused is irrelevant but it's like#in my opinion as a translator it's your duty to translate even the subtext#if you need to show that arashi is transgender you don't need to say it (even tho#she did once say ''i will never be the woman i want to be'' iirc and#i do have recollection of mika telling her ''i don't really get it but you're a girl right?'')#but you should give us the same chance to come to the same conclusions which is to say. translate naruko to the best of your abilities.#idfk Nary maybe ? i feel like the -y ending is usually diminutive rather than feminine but.#something to that tune. and give her a girly speech pattern. it exists in english too.#slang can be associated with gender too#like you guys get it right.
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Hey KO, pd said the reason damon named fane.. fane was to honor rika's father since he respected him after realizing her father still wanted to raise him despite his origin. he wasnt named to honor rika but to honor her father.
That's great actually, and it makes sense. Thanks for the clarification.
#asked and answered#devil's night series#damon torrance#still wish it had been made clear through the series#and that the names of his other children had some clear meaning so we the readers could piece that together#and not have to be told by the author after the fact#but it's something i guess#i really don't want to complain because i don't wanna be one of those fans that is like things should have been done the way i want them#“my preference over everything else!”#not everything needs to be done to my preference i know that#but why did he pick a name that is very much associated with his very alive sister who refused to give up her father's name#rika is honoring her father with the same name - we discussed that in conclave#damon could have done something different with schreader#Rea is a pretty cool name; same with Reader#or something#it's also still associated with the diamond business rika owns which is also named fane#who is going to think of Rika's dad when they meet fane when his name is so many other things?#but that's just me#i keep coming back to this with new thoughts#but why does schraeder get forgiveness#and christane is a weak women for being depressed when Gabriel raped her a stole her baby#schraeder may have loved damon despite that but he didn't do anything to stop Damon's abuse#Damon's double standards are getting out of control#“i love strong women”#but only by a very narrow definition of strong#and this isn't to say damon can't be flawed#but can we see this as a flaw without his fans turning to rage over it
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ok heads up everyone i'm also going by tess now! or tessa lol. tabi is still fine i just want to try something new and i've been thinking abt names a lot
#*speaks#that's the new personal tag btw#do u ever randomly just wake up and a name is in ur head and ur like well thats it?#happened to me with sabrina in august and skye last night#so ofc i'm going with neither of those sdklfjs#my friend used to call me tess as a nickname bc of the character from the infernal devices and i always liked it#i just don't love the phonetics of tabi. like the way the b makes it bouncy? eurgh#but i still wanted a t name. so tess it is#altho if u guys think i could pull off skye maybe i'll try that too. kinda just makes me think of the lady from the dw s4 episode midnight#absolutely crazy first association i know. welcome to my twisted mind sldfjks
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Man, there's a lot of very pretty neopets site art and a lot of very nice fanart out there that makes me really nostalgic,
But god damn am I glad I stopped playing.
That game had so much shit that was hard to get and a ton of pointless mechanics when I left,
And that was before the whole fucking conversion drama, and annoying monetization, and oh god that economy, and a ton of art added that was just really poorly done, and I could go on.
I'm much happier being on a pet site* that only really has the three recurring pillars of drama and is very forgiving about gameplay and avoiding FOMO and such.
*yeah it's technically a distinct but related category of site but it scratches the same itch and I'm making a point damn it.
#fan wank#ignore Morg#no I'm not plugging the game I currently play by name because I don't want to look like some fucking advert#it's pretty obvious anyway for anyone that looks at my blog because I've been posting about my recent projects#yes this wank was prompted by nostalgia#the NP artstyle was very much a product of its time in a way that I (for the most part) like and I wouldn't mind seeing more inspired by it#just... without the associated bullshit and hoops#the sheer quantity and variety of flash games were fantastic too#I wouldn't *complain* if the current site I'm on poached some of NP's old flash game creators#but their work is probably more expensive these days anyhow so it's probably not likely#man if we got our own version of those tricky trap avoidance Hannah the Treasure Hunter platformers though...#I'll admit I think I was kind of gay for her in elementary school (I didn't aspire to look like her at the time but I did *really* like her#I say kind of because. elementary schooler. I sure didn't think about that hard enough to categorize it at the time.
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you ever just wish you could start your life over as easy as it is to in minecraft.
#pire.txt#I'm looking at my passwords document that I've had since forever#my youtube gmail name was made when I was like 11#I have a hundred different accounts on different websites some are necessary some aren't#I want to change all my passwords not just because that's what you're supposed to do regularly anyway#but I was recently convinced by that one xkcd about using a string of words you can remember instead of random gibberish you can't#and in doing so I can 1. not rely on password managers like firefox and my phone (which is google I think) and write it on physical paper#and 2. actually memorize the more commonly used ones probably#additionally I want to change the emails associated with all the accounts- or at least the ones I care about- to a completely new address#that isn't absolutely flooded with spam since I was 12#and maybe create a few email addresses so theres like a professional/personal ones that use my real name#and then a throwaway for the accounts that I don't give a shit about after their confirmation emails after I sign up#which I started doing at one point but didn't actually solve the problem since my original email was still flooding with spam#and every time I open my password manager I just want to go do literally anything else#like go play minecraft#but minecraft has gone through like 4 different content updates since I last played#which means even if I went back to my old server they've probably done a few season wipes of the map by now#I'd be starting fresh and honestly this account mess would be so much easier to handle if I could just restart the whole process completely#Why couldn't I have just done it right from the start?#[new world]
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Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start
#00s sparks albums save me#save me 00s sparks albums#the question of how it's been 4 months already aside#i have decided to name this album my official Mental Breakdown Album TM#so it's a good thing that it doesn't really bring me any unhappy associations. even though it could#because when i started listening to it in early march#it turned out to become one of my lowest periods in the mental well-being sense. like. ever.#it's gotten better though and later i discovered that whenever i got into that slump again#and nothing at all felt like an alluring thing to do and even most music couldn't cheer me up#i still felt like listening to ecotd at least#sometimes you get into specific albums or artists at the exact right moment and this was one of such times for sure#i have so many thoughts about this album but if i tried to write them down#it would probably all just be an illegible mess. one day i'll do it though. or at least try to#as for now i can at least say that the possibly most suffering-inducing (positive) songs for me are strange animal and likeable#i'll never forget the moment i first heard strange animal as part of the from the basement set#what a SONG!!! and that entire performance changed my brain chemistry forever#and. GODDDDDKJHKEFLJMKBELKPJ... LIKEABLE!!!#the connection i feel on some metaphysical level to that song the melody the instrumentation the lyrics#is way beyond what words can explain. or i'm just bad at putting these kind of things into words#it's soooo oooughhggahgh.....#also i don't know exactly how it happened#but i can't believe etc immediately became my most listened to song according to my last fm (which i made around then)#and it has stayed in that spot ever since#ok that's my sparks madness talk for today. i'll probably never be normal about them. not that i even want to#sparks am i right. goddddd#goosepost
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i've tried everything, different ways, different times, different places. i just can't seem to find my passion for writing back.
#writers block my ass this shit has been going on for years#you love going around telling people that you write when in truth you haven't written anything in ages#i don't even consider myself a writer anymore because it feels wrong to call it that#everything i put out is influenced by something. ifeel like i can never truly be original#a few shitty pieces i wrote at the peak of a fixation don't really count because i've abandoned them too#yes i've written them but im so afraid to associate them with my name#how does one hate what they create so much#yet still want to create#when will it be satisfying?#when will i be like yeah. i like this. i made this. this is mine.#i dont think the problem is language either like sure it can be improved but i can't even write in my own language?#i used to love writing in turkish and peopel would praise me for my stories but looking back at it even that wasn't original#it was never mine#it was always about something that affected me#this is sad its just sad.#writing
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posted a selfie on twitter but then i got scared n deleted it two minutes later
#i want my online persona to have a face or a voice because i frequently have 'what if i die suddenly' thoughts#and i don't want ppl to just associate me with a name lole#w.txt
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I <3 blowing up my save files mid-playthrough or after I've beaten the game and feel aimless or I'm three hours in and incredibly indecisive and perfectionistic and have to start over Better this time or I just get really into One Idea and blow up the save for the sole purpose of achieving the One Idea and once I have it's like. Well. What was the point of that actually. And then I blow it up again
#IDK IDK I FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED.........#i swear to god it all started when i realized i'm transgender. experience that changed me forever#OBVIOUSLY. IN POSITIVE WAYS.#but also i just feel like i'm constantly starting over. i used to have master files.#it was actually such an emotionally fucked up experience i used to write my deadname on the back of my 3ds carts#i used to be ambivalent to my deadname until i felt like i had to prove it to myself. and in doingvthat#i did come to appreciate it and it did feel associated w me. or at least what i was meant to embody.#i was always trying to Prove It. to myself. that if i can Prove It i can make this work and get all i've ever wanted#like love. ect ect#in ways i won't elaborate on my name now does honor my deadname. without really being reflective of it at all#which is exactly what i needed esp at that time in my life. it was SUCH a sudden upheaval.#like all of this i've been burying and stomping out for so many years like. once i finally just allowed myself to question.#and be at peace w it. it just all spilled out full force and like. i think i still experience side effects from it LMFAOOOO#like my save files. being unable to revisit certain games. hell even fe becoming one of my main interests#was a direct side effect of me needing a game where i could be myself and not have any prev memories attached#also just. the fucking type of person i am. guy who loves to leave and start over all the fucking time#but also also like. i think it's just the perfectionism sometimes. like eo2 i'm trying to get my party/lore Just Right#so i can fully immerse myself in it and NOT feel bad. for making any amount of changes to my party 😭#I'M SUCH A SENTIMENTAL BITCH. WHO CAN'T HOLD ONTO ANYTHING. WHO REFUSES TO LET GO. WHAT‼️‼️‼️#and w miitopia it's just. i need to update the artwork here it's insane. i gotta fix this. no one is allowed to see this.#anyways. starting over in miitopia and fixing it. i don't even know what my party is gonna be tbh#i usually plan this shit out but again. deep deep DEEPLY rooted Need to just blow everything up forever.
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on the verge of orphaning my post s2 fic
#aiden text#been seeing a lot of negativity abt post s2 fics and like#ok fine but then there was one post specifically calling out a trope ik i put in there#and its like#i dont wanna delete it bc im sure somebody liked or has liked it#but i don't want my name associated with a fic i'm sure plenty of people have thought negative things about but are too nice to comment abt
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hubs: kyle okposo is a panther?? huh. good for him not being in buffalo anymore i guess
me: is *anyone* in buffalo anymore?
hubs: the pegulas?
#then i went and checked the roster and the most iconically buffalo-sounding name was#jeff skinner#who has barely shaken his hurricanes association in my mind#so.... yikes#bruins lb#hockey#ugh sorry anyone who tracks the jeff skinner tag im on mobile and i wanted to tag him for my blog but i don't want to retype everything#kyle okposo#florida panthers#buffalo sabres#because it's the cup
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