#i don't think i have any reliable way to get myself out of it

[enbyboiwonder]

I feel like adhd bored is different than neurotypical bored because like. You don’t understand. I have a billion things I could be doing. I turn on the tv. I stare at the Netflix screen for five minutes. Flip through shows and movies for the next thirty minutes. Nothing looks good. I put in a video game. Play for two minutes. Not feeling it. I load up YouTube. Watch half a video before closing the app. Maybe I’ll read a book? I stare at my giant bookshelf. The thought of starting a new book seems too hard. I lay in bed and play phone games for six hours. Nothing has gotten done. Still bored.

[zakiyah]

.

[howdoyousleep3]

Pairing: 3DWD/Bunny Baby Rating: Mature Word Count: 2.7K Tags: Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Power Dynamics, New Relationship, Confession of Feelings, Origin Story, Groping, Office "Sex", Orgasm Denial, Teasing, Age Difference, Size Kink, Yearning (oh the yearning, the chase!) A/N: Woke up one morning thinking about them, couldn't stop myself from pouring it all out into a doc. I don't think about their beginnings enough. I hope you enjoy. ❤️

Bucky suspects something is amiss when he feels more eyes on him than he’s used to as he walks into the office after lunch. 

Truthfully, he’s used to eyes on him wherever he goes, but he’s not used to the silence. 

Hmm. 

He carries on down the hallway towards his office, unbothered yet curious. He quickly stops to check in with Pepper, confirming their outing with their newest client to the nearby fabric district. Bucky is grateful she seems as excited as she is; it’s always thrilling to take on a new client and start a project from the ground up. 

He turns and heads towards his office, fully intending on spending the next hour he has before their outing ensuring his deliveries and meeting times at the Romanoff house later tonight are squared away, when he stops in his tracks. 

The second and final clue that something is amiss. 

He’s embarrassed to admit it, to recognize it. 

Steve is here. 

Bucky can smell him. That overwhelming and intoxicating smell of masculinity, of ruggedness. Cinnamon, sandalwood, citrus; it drives Bucky insane that he can’t pinpoint what the notes are. Steve has claimed he doesn’t wear a cologne. Bucky calls bullshit. 

Nobody smells that good, naturally and without any help. 

Nobody. 

The smell of Steve in his office building, on his floor, nearby, immediately puts him on edge. He wills his knees to keep him upright even when his body and mind want to cave immediately. There’s no way Steve is here. Bucky must be imagining it, his subconsciousness conjuring up the smell in his mind in order to distract him, in order to force Bucky to think of Steve when he’s convinced himself he doesn’t want to. 

No, he won’t be distracted by a crush, by a one-night-stand. 

He reaches for his keys, opens his office door with ease— 

And nearly falls to the floor. 

Steve is here. In his office, standing at his office window seemingly admiring the view of the city just outside it. 

What is Steve doing here? More importantly, how did he get into Bucky’s office? 

When Steve turns to look at him, expression riddled with proud mischievousness, Bucky immediately takes pause. He can’t let Steve think he has the upper hand even though he’s surprised Bucky at his place of work. He can’t let Steve’s sweet talking ways and his rugged sex appeal chip away at Bucky’s self-control and boundaries. 

This is unacceptable. 

But Christ, Steve looks good. 

He looks better than good— he looks sexy as hell. 

His beard is neatly trimmed, his hair infuriatingly windswept. He looks as if he’s come off the farm after a long day's work: well-worn jeans, a navy blue henley that clings to the bulk in his arms, a pair of reliable boots. A leather bomber jacket with a sherpa collar is tossed carelessly across one of the chairs opposite of Bucky’s desk. The ensemble’s sticker price would send Bucky reeling into a coma, but one would never know it. 

He’s certain Steve doesn’t even know how much his clothes cost and that’s because he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have to care. And the thought of Steve not caring about price tags is enough to ratchet up the arousal Bucky is trying uselessly to ignore. 

Stay strong. 

“Hey, Bunny…” 

Fuck. 

Bucky’s willpower clings to its existence. 

Bucky takes a deep breath, steps into his office, and closes the door behind him. He ignores Steve’s pet name for him even though it digs under his skin in the hottest of ways. Nobody has ever given him a pet name. Bucky doesn’t do pet names, is too strong-willed and confident for them. No partner has ever babied him or given him sweet names or worshipped the ground he walks on. 

Steve did it from the moment they locked eyes. 

Bucky sends out feelers for his willpower, questions if it even exists when it comes to Steve. 

“What are you doing here?” is all Bucky can damn near choke out. He steels his spine and walks to his desk, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. 

When he chances a glance up and over at Steve, he nearly whimpers. Fuck, he’s so sexy, Bucky can barely stand to look at him. 

Steve shrugs. 

“I was in the area, thought I’d stop by.” 

A lie, one that Bucky can call him out on. 

“No you weren’t. There’s nothing around here that would interest you.” 

Steve chuckles and the noise goes right to Bucky’s groin. 

“You interest me,” he says matter of factly, pushing away from the window. “Thought I made that pretty clear, Buck.” 

Bucky swallows audibly, makes a show of turning his computer on. 

Yeah, pretty fucking clear. The older man has all but professed his love for Bucky, sent him endless gift deliveries, whispered his affection and awe into Bucky’s skin, laid himself bare and—

Stop. 

No sex, don’t think about sex with Steve, god. 

“How’d you get in here?” Bucky presses, ignoring the hot press of Steve’s presence against the line of his back.

He can sense Steve’s easy grin even if he doesn’t chance another look up at him. 

“I sweet talked my way in. I’m pretty good at sweet talkin’. Ain’t that right, Bun?” 

He doesn’t think Steve understands the power of his sweet talking ways, even as he jokes about it. 

Bucky thinks he’s sweating, can feel the drops of it pooling in the curve of his lower back, can feel it on his upper lip. It’s embarrassing. He can command a boardroom, lead a design team, walk confidently through rooms, homes, exhibits he himself has designed. He’s confident, overly so, is bossy and demanding and overbearing. 

And here he is crumbling under the mere words of Steve Rogers, a man ten years his senior who has been relentlessly chasing after him ever since their first date. 

This is what Bucky gets for sleeping with Steve on their first date. But fuck, who could blame him? 

Bucky feels as if he’s going into heat. 

When Bucky turns to admittedly flee from his office and demand security come take Steve from it, he runs right into the familiar wall of packed muscle. The older man doesn’t even hesitate; he grabs onto Bucky confidently and purposefully. 

“It’s easy to get what I want, Buck. I’m a man who’s used to getting what he wants,” Steve murmurs, a mitt for a hand cupping the back of Bucky’s head, the second pulling Bucky snugly against his front by his lower back. 

When their bodies meet, sex is all Bucky can think about. 

“That’s why I’m so frustrated with how difficult it’s been to get the thing I want most,” Steve tells him, his voice taking on a gravely edge that damn near sends Bucky under. “I appreciate a good chase, I love good back and forth. But goddamnit, Buck— what the fuck are you makin’ me wait around for?” 

Bucky feels the burn of shame in the form of a blush build on his neck.

The thing is, Bucky doesn’t have a good answer and he’s ironically afraid to admit that he’s scared. This isn’t traditional, this isn’t normal, what he shares with Steve. Their age difference is surely to be frowned upon, Steve’s position as a CEO will surely make it seem to others as if Bucky is just wanting into his pockets. 

More prevalent and more difficult to admit is that Bucky’s not used to Steve’s treatment of him. 

He doesn’t think he’s deserving of Steve’s treatment. He doesn’t know what to do with his attention and his affection and the way he wants to surround Bucky with an endless flow of devotion. 

Steve’s fingers tighten in his hair and Bucky all but moans, bringing his hands up to curl his fingers into the front of Steve’s shirt. He wants to curl his lips up in a snarl when his fingers find their way into the fuzz just underneath said shirt. 

“I won’t have you denying us something good because you want to be stubborn. I won’t have you stopping us from having each other because you’re afraid.”

Bucky does what he does best when he’s backed into a corner— push. 

“I don’t want you,” he weakly attempts, the words making his gut churn and his throat burn, his body rejecting them immediately. 

Steve smiles, crowds Bucky further against his desk. 

“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, Bunny,” he turns and whispers into Bucky’s ear, their bodies curling tightly together. Steve easily pulls Bucky into him, a hand on his nape and now an arm around his lower back, reminding Bucky what Steve does to his body. 

Just the presence of Steve, the press and bend of their bodies together, does something to Bucky that he’s never experienced with someone else. 

When Steve squeezes at his nape, pulling Bucky’s attention upwards, the older man’s exhale sounds like a groan. 

Bucky’s vision blurs when he feels Steve’s growing and impressive erection dig into his belly. 

“You’ll learn not to lie to your Daddy over time,” Steve tells him, breath hot on Bucky’s mouth. The title goes right to Bucky’s own growing erection, arousal shooting through his body hot like lightning, his mouth dropping open to let a whine easily slip out. 

“You may try to lie to me now, but your pretty little body can’t lie to me, oh no. Sweetheart, your body can’t lie to me. Just look at’chu…”

Bucky is finding it more and more difficult to remember why he’s spent weeks denying Steve another chance with him. Steve’s hands feel like magic on his body, like Bucky can drop the facade and feel. And once Bucky’s eyes lock with Steve’s ocean ones, they drive that point home even further— 

Let go. 

Unsurprisingly, Steve sees the internal waver. 

“There he is,” Steve coos, deliciously pursing his lips around Bucky’s bottom one. “There’s who I’ve been chasing.”

Steve presses another hot kiss to his mouth, Bucky’s knees buckling. 

“Who I’m done chasing.” 

Another long and hot kiss that Bucky helplessly moans into this time. 

“Who I want.”

Just when Steve dips his tongue into the next set of kisses he gives Bucky, he trails his lips down the column of Bucky’s neck, sucking his way down it. Bucky doesn’t even fight the way his eyes roll back into his head.

“Want is an understatement— I’m damn near obsessed. You may be afraid to show your true feelings or give into this, but I’m not, Bun. I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. Everything I do in a day I wonder what it would be like to do it with you by my side. When I go to sleep, I want you there. When I wake up, I want you there.” 

“Steve…” 

“When I touch my cock, I want you there. Fuck, do I want you and your tight, little bunny ass there.” 

It’s as if he’s lost all sense of himself as Bucky hears those words. He curls his fingers around Steve’s thick neck at the same time he moves to wind his legs mindlessly around Steve’s stocky waist. He knows Steve will hold him, that Daddy won’t let him fall, and he’s proven right when Steve does just that with a heavy exhale. He gathers Bucky easily up into his hands, obviously appreciating the feel and weight of Bucky in them, before sitting him on top of his own desk. 

“Christ, I miss you, Buck,” he tells him in between kisses, hands holding onto either side of Bucky’s face. “Tell me you miss me too, baby.” 

Bucky’s moan grates against the front of his throat. 

“I miss you,” Bucky murmurs, reaching for Steve’s tongue with his own. “I miss you so much, Daddy.” 

Steve groans into Bucky’s mouth. 

“Fuck yeah, missed that. Missed the hell outta that. Lemme hear it again, Bun.”

Easily, eagerly.

“Daddy…” 

Bucky lets out every ounce of pent up want and need he’s been ignoring over the past weeks and pours it into that word. He digs his fingers into Steve’s shirt, yanking at it until his hands meet the warm skin of his stomach, pulling at the older man until Bucky’s hands slide easily around to his muscled back.

Steve’s skin is so shockingly warm it forces another moan out of Bucky’s throat.

As someone who runs cold, he misses that warmth. 

“You’re such a fuckin’ brat,” Steve mumbles between kisses before he’s smirking. “We’re gonna have so much fun together.” 

Bucky is more than ready to let Steve fuck him on his own desk, in his own office. The thrill of being chased by someone he’s so wildly attracted to combined with the surprise of him showing up at Bucky’s office to confess his feelings has Bucky feeling like a live wire. His dick is so hard his balls ache, Steve’s hands on his body coaxing noises of pleasure out of him that others are sure to hear. 

If they saw Steve walk in though, they shouldn’t be surprised by what’s happening in here. 

He turns his cheek and bites at Steve’s bearded jawline, reaching for the older man’s belt buckle, fingers digging into his zipper to feel the pushback against the metal. 

“You got a party tonight?” 

Bucky is too distracted by the feel of Steve’s thick cock beneath the denim of his jeans to register his question. 

It’s a bite on Bucky’s own chin that pulls him back into his brain. 

“What?”

“Don’t you have a Christmas party tonight?” 

“How…how do you know about that?” 

Steve’s teeth catch Bucky’s bottom lip between them. Bucky’s toes curl in his dress shoes. 

“Pepper told me about it.”

Of course she did. 

“I’ll pick you up at 8.” 

What? 

Bucky’s vision may be blurred, but he’s certain Steve is pulling away, suddenly widening the gap between them. His dick aches something fierce between his legs, yearning for Steve’s touch, Steve’s mouth, Steve. 

“What?” Bucky asks, unable to hide his breathlessness, running a hand down and over his mouth. 

Steve’s reached his jacket now and he turns to Bucky, slipping his arms into it. 

He barely looks affected by their office rendezvous at all. 

“I’ll pick you up at eight at your place. Make sure you pack a bag; you’re comin’ home with me tonight.”

Bucky resists the urge to collapse back onto his desk. 

“Are you…are you insane?” Bucky huffs, doing nothing to disguise his annoyance at being left in his office to deal with his own erection. He watches through half-lidded eyes as Steve walks back over to him, stepping between Bucky’s spread legs and reaching for his throat. 

“You thought I’d come in here, profess my love, and give you my cock?” 

Bucky’s neck goes lax at the word love, but he curls his lip anyway. 

“Yes?” 

Steve chuckles happily into his last set of smacking kisses before squeezing at the fingers around Bucky’s throat. 

Fuck. 

“Daddy’s got a lot to teach you.” 

He gives Bucky’s cheek a light smack. 

“You make sure and wear somethin’ pretty for me, you hear?”

Bucky doesn’t argue. His heart slams against his ribs. He hears Steve at the door of his office. 

“I’ll have what I want you to wear underneath it sent over.” 

Bucky not-so-slowly collapses backwards onto his desk, chest falling and rising rapidly, dick throbbing in time with it. 

“I’ll see you soon, Bun. Don’t ignore my calls.” 

And just as surprisingly as he showed up, Steve’s gone, leaving Bucky a damn near hyperventilating mess atop his once pristine desk. 

With too much to think about, Bucky focuses on settling his breathing, on easing the ache in his dick without the time or place to take care of himself. When the absurdity of the situation hits him, when the full force of his crush on Steve makes him kick his feet where he lies, Bucky giggles. 

And once he starts, he can’t stop. 

Steve was right— they’re going to have so much fun together.

[marsprincess889]

Astrology rant

I hope astro blogs and astro lovers read this

...

Hi guys I hope you're doing well🤍

These months(17 of them?) of running an astro blog have made me see a variety of opinions regarding a lot of things, mainly_ astrology.

I want to say that this is obviously social media and it's barely a solid, reliable place for sharing or getting info, but on the other side of this, the freedom of internet and, at least relative anonimity can produce truly remarkable insights/statements that you won't see anywhere else. You can never know how true or untrue someone can be unless you really read what they've written(or listen to what they've recorded) and take it in.

But it is still so rare for me to find a blog that shares most of my views. I mean, anyone with an access to internet can start an astrology blog. It's so easy to copy and paste articles on the internet and put them here. They can get thousands of notes and people will believe them and share that unverified info that's been distorted through copying and repetition, to others(which is a whole another, very sad story).

And on most days I just mind my business and work on myself, not wanting to even go close to that energy. I might politely comment on posts that seem false to me, just expressing my suspicions or opinions and asking for theirs in return, but to be very honest, I am tired of seeing the same faulty takes and overall approach. So here are some things that, to me, are just ???? so questionable to say the least(with added reasons):

1. Mixing Vedic and Western

In many ways.

Outer planets that are only used in Western? Sure, here are descriptions and "observations" of them in Vedic nakshatras.

Asteroids that Vedic does not look at? Here are explanations of them in nakshatras too. (But there's an exception that I talk about later)

Western composite and synastry aspects? Yeah here is their analysis based on Vedic charts.

And so many more.

It's not a question of whether their "formulas" mix or not, but a question of integrity and of what you follow.

2. Nakshatras in D9(navamsa) and other divisional charts (!)

Whyyyyyy. Just tell me why.

I don't think anyone who uses nakshatras in any divisional chart has really thought about it.

And before they make say to me something like "you should be open minded" or "people resonate with it"(people are complex and can resonate to many things but nakshatras in divisional charts are not the explanation behind that), they should just read my post on my pinned masterlist about that.

Like I'm this 🤏 close to launching an inquisition to just call out every blog who does this, because it's alarming how many people can defend an illogical point with such unwillingness to see the opposite take.

I feel strongly about this one and I kinda judge people who go with it.

There are no nakshatrs in D9 cause divisional signs are hypothetical, nakshatras are actual stars in the sky. Case closed.

3. Asteroid obsession

Look guys, I love asteroids as much as the next person, if not more. And it makes sense for astrology lovers to be really into asteroids, since astrology is mythological already and asteroids open up a whole variety of different mythological associations and, with them, the potential of embodying them.

But here's where most people can reach error: asteroids cannot be holding the same influence/power as other planets.

There are so many posts with lengthy descriptions of asteroid placements in signs, houses or them aspecting planets with sextiles, trines(those aspects don't matter in most cases when it comes to asteroids).

I think asteroids only ever really hold power if they are closely(4 degrees at most) conjunct or opposite big three or other important planets, and important planets/points are unique to each chart. Asteroid interpretation requires realness with yourself and others and, more importantly, common sense. And yeah, you can interpret them in nakshatras ONLY IF they are tightly conjunct an important planet and you have some examples.

I've seen a lot of obsession with asteroids such as Lilith, Aphrodite, Sirene, Groom, Briede.

Yeah online astrology can generate the need to compare yourself to others, which is silly, cause all charts are unique and have a unique beauty, and there's no such things as "more" or "less" unique anything.

4. Making stuff up

Ok here I'm talking about takes that are barely backed by valid examples.

Like when a blog attributes a theme or a pattern to a placement that has not a lot in common with its original association and/or is backed by examples that are not really viable.

Like when someone says: "Ashwini is associated with .......(insert some specific scenario/trope). Examples: *this actor*_ mars in Ashwini, *this actress*_ D9 ketu in Ashwini(are you for real...), *this person*_ their D393747838 Mercury in Ashwini, time unspecified so might be Bharani."

I know this sounds exaggerated(the last example obviously is) but I've really seen blogs where mars or venus or mercury(jupiter and saturn too) are used as exmaples for a nakshatra. And I've seen a whole blog that focuses on D60 ketu nakshatras a lot.

Now, I think that stems from a desire to associate specific feelings/vibes and themes that they are into with placements that they most likely have, in a way that feels original. But you can't just take vague feelings/suspicions and present them as logical observations or facts, it doesn't work like that😭

A lot of "vibes" or feelings that I had about nakshatras did turn out to be true, but I had to wait to find proof myself, and sometimes the observations can change a little after discovering solid examples and it makes it all clear.

5. Shallow Stereotyping

I know, astrology is built on "strerotypes", but to me they're more archetypes.

A lot of narrow stereotyping can come from more influential astrologers.

This is especially common in Vedic astrology and with people who follow Claire Nakti.

For example, with her, I love how she uses art and real life people as examples but she too can make mistakes. And she has, and if she discovers them, she adds them as disclaimers in her descriptions.

I think sometimes she can be narrow with her observations, which isn't necessarily bad, but when people see those as undisputably true and more important than their own or other astrologers' observations, then it is.

For example, she made 3 videos about Bharani but I still think she missed some important themes because she was stuck on providing more and more detail for the same point😭

Trusting influential astrologers blindly and quoting/paraphrasing them to prove their own points is a real epidemic.

Just fyi, crediting them while proving their point with your own examples is not the same.

So, anyone can make mistakes, and everyone should be open to changing their mind, but never without real examples and proof.

6. Style over substance

Possibly the biggest problem that is the root of most of other problems in this "community".

The reason why astrology became pop is because of simplifications and, more importantly, flashy images and words.

I've already made a post about how harmful I think the irresponsibility of sharing faulty astrological info is. I'm disturbed by all that manic energy around a thing that should be low-pressure but valid and educational.

I don't think astrology is meant to help you make desicions in a direct way, or to be used as the ultimate filter to judge others and look at the world. It's not the end-all be-all truth at all, not at all. But it is something that a lot of people take seriously and I just have little to no respect for blogs that use AI or don't care for logic or facts.

People here can argue and defend AI in astrology😭 they can irresponsibly make contradictory statements, have no verified observations of their own whatsoever and still act like the expert while interacting or posting.

That's all I wanna say about this right now.

...

Comment, reblog, message me, like even, whatever. I want to know what others think about any of this.

[mirai-e-jump]

TV Station, 3/1/2025 Issue ft. No.1 Sentai Gozyuger Cast Members (translation below)

Publication: February 26, 2025

Fuyuno Mio x Suzuki Hideharu x Kanda Masakazu Matsumoto Jin x Imamori Maya

Fuyuno: While Hoeru has a foul mouth and gives off the impression of being unapproachable, he's occasionally kind, and has a cute side that makes him a character who's prone to being teased.

Suzuki: Mio's normally like Hoeru, don't you think?

Kanda: He's quiet and cool. His way of speaking is abit blunt, which seems to also be similar.

Suzuki: He also has a pure heart, so his kindness can come out at any given moment.

Kanda: He and Hide are the same age, and they're always flirting with each other. Occasionally, the distance between him and us feels off (laughs). However, that changes drastically when it comes to his performance.

Fuyuno: I'm trying to be positively influenced by the atmosphere of the scene, and to react accordingly to everyone's performance.

Suzuki: Rikuo's a former super idol with an overconfident side. He's also putting in the work to justify that, and has a good side to him, that being his kindness. I try to be conscious of my idol like behavior, facial expressions, and speaking patterns.

Kanda: From his vibes to the way he speaks, everything about him is soft and gentle.

Matsumoto: It made me think that such good looking nice guys do exist. He's committed to listening to what others have to say. He's overflowing with kindness.

Kanda: It's amazing that we've gotten this far without him getting cocky over those visuals of his!

Suzuki: Thank you!

Kanda: Ryugi's an out of touch freak, and the only one who's a "Tega Sword follower." He's the oldest of the five, and although he's strong willed, he also has a mischievous side. I hope that I can find just the right balance in expressing that gap without overdoing his character.

Matsumoto: Kanda-san's like a leader. He invites us all to go out for meals together. I feel like we're more of a team now, and I'm really grateful that he creates such opportunities like that for us.

Imamori: He usually pulls us along and is reliable, but……he's abit of an airhead, isn't he?

Kanda: How did you know? I've always kept that hidden (laughs).

Imamori: It felt like you were doing your best to hide it.

Matsumoto: Kinjiro's a 17 year old high schooler. At his core, he's a serious person, but his goal is to become a "party person." It's interesting to see how his values don't match up with those around him. Since there's no character among the five of us who restlessly moves around, I thought I'd take charge of that position.

Imamori: He's surprisingly cool for someone with a cute face.

Fuyuno: I was gonna say the same thing (laughs). The composure he has makes it hard to believe that he's 19 years old, and he's also very good at giving compliments.

Matsumoto: I think I'm just conscious of trying to put my thoughts into words.

Imamori: Sumino-chan is cool, but she's a "high class detective" who'll use her cunningness as a weapon when she needs to. To create a gap between the two, I took it upon myself to play the role more characteristically. I'll watch anime and idols in order to study their cunningness.

Fuyuno: Maya-chan appears more mature on screen. She's always full of energy and makes the atmosphere around her pleasant.

Suzuki: The way she switches from her normal self is amazing.

Imamori: I'm just going along with the fun vibes everyone else helps create.

Fuyuno: Although the five members have widely different personalities, you'll be able to see each and every one of their human dramas. Enjoy this festive program, which also features tons of previous Sentai Reds! _

Sleeping Conditions on the Location Bus

Suzuki: Everyone has a particular way of sleeping, don't they? Masa-kun will lean forward with his neck bent at a 90 degree angle, while Mio doesn't sleep.

Fuyuno: It's true that I don't sleep.

Suzuki: Maya-chan tends to lean against the window, while Jin's head pokes out into the aisle (laughs).

Matsumoto: Something like that happens.

Imamori: Hide-kun's mouth hangs open.

Suzuki: Don't say that. I end up showing off a stupid face, huh?

Fuyuno: Everyone's probably looking at you.

Imamori: Kanda-san brings his own pillow, right?

Kanda: I get motion sickness easily, so if I look around for even a moment, I start feeling nauseous. That's why I use a pillow to keep my neck in place.

Suzuki: I'm the same way, so I get that!

[forsaken-headcanons]

HCs for Elliot!! [yapping session nerd warning]

After seeing people hc elliots is a people pleaser, i got the urge and idea to do some people pleaser characteristics research. As a people-pleaser-on-a-fundamental-worrying-level myself, i thought of giving some headcanons about his people pleasing side

[This is probably me just projecting some traits that are considered as people pleasing according to some psychology websites]

Just to note, people pleasing isn't a medical term used by psychologists, more of a label

- People pleasers please people because they want to feel needed by people and will become the "handy reliable man" due to their low self- esteems

- Elliot has his cheerful, happy personality as a way to cover his low self esteems that he has, and also to serve customers with a smile (except 007n7 lol)

- He molded himself into one of the caregiver/parental roles from the survivors despite his young age (prob is in his mid twenties), with most of the other being older than him. This gives him pressure and stress to operate efficiently and take care of the others, while having little-to-no time for himself

- His selfless giving and caring are often taken up to others' advantages (mostly unknowingly)

^ Due to this, Elliot feels extremely burnt-out and hates his role he assigned himself to because it often feels like what he is doing is one-sided

He is an absolute peacemaker, trying to solve/fix people's problems for them and coming up with various excuses for people's bad habits

^Though lately, he has been tired from being the cover-up guy, so he almost stopped doing that

- Possibly due to his service for customers, he would keep his opinions humble and agree what the customer's says

- Elliot would often not speak his mind and just agree with people's opinions or find a middle ground between arguments even if he doesn't wholly agree with what he is saying

[This includes pineapplepizza. He likes it but wouldn't admit it]

^Even if somebody asked his opinion about smth small, he would still hold "do what you want" even if he has the strongest opinion about the question

- Man hates being the caregiver lately, since many don't even take his pizzas, but still contributes to taking care of some sentinels like guest 1337

^ def would contribute to smth he dont wanna do, like distracting the killer [this aint dandys world though]

- Saw hcs of him being the therapist that people can vent to, but wouldn't really talk about his feelings

[Though I can see g1337 being a dad and listening/ caring for Elliot's mental and physical being] <-Yo have any hcs on this mod？

People pleasing is mostly rooted from low self-esteem and wanting a sense of belonging, which could root from various long-term traumas, like neglect from parents of physiological and emotion needs, rather than a once event like an accident

I don't necessarily think Elliot's parents were abusive though, it's more that his parents had arguments about finance and business managing a lot that Elliot's and his sisters needs weren't often met and he had to take care of his sister with a "third parent role". There were definitely maids around but their parents mostly argued when there weren't anyone but their children around.

Probably Elliot was taught to be humble due to the family wealth status to a point when anyone compliments him for his pizza mkaing skills he would just down play it and say its no big deal or nothing big

Thats what I have for now

[And yes some-perhaps most- were projections]

I read that you hc Itrapped NPD AND BPD which is an interesting combo, def would do research on those and make some headcanons for ya mod

🔫🐟 anon

[omg a hc not about 007n7]

Why yes, I do have some headcanons for 1337 being a father figure.

He would father over all the younger survivors - Noob, Two Time and Elliot. He'd call them "kiddos" and spend most of his time in rounds protecting them.

More Elliot particular hcs - Guest would call him "Elli". Elliot gets hurt a lot during rounds and nobody is there to heal him (unless a dispenser somehow survives for longer than 2 miliseconds), but Guest is always willing to patch him up and treat his wounds. He has a lot of experience in doing so from his time in the army. He'd give him some advice that would help Elliot survive too. He's more than willing to listen to Elliot's troubles.

[gothicscorpiohub]

Drained Out

Pairing: Ex Boyfriend Loki x Reader

Summary: Y/n was the strongest person one could ever meet but this strength hides something very painful.

Warnings: Mentions of torture, break-up with loki, seizure, angst, fluff

I never realised how my breath was turning heavy, how sweat was making my heated skit cold. I wished my tears could fall, just to ease the pain. They won't. I am such a sucker at showing emotions. Blood was speedily rushing through my ears, the sound of my sharp inhaled couldn't be heard. My chest tightened incredibly. All the feelings I packed away from months haunting me.

The terrors of my past were slowly returning. Suddenly I was again on the rotten planet, Thanos prying into my mind, testing my mental stability fragment by fragment, trying to find the stones I knew the location of. Those torments before I ran to midgard. I subsided my traumatic condition to be strong, because it wasn't the time to show emotions, it never is. I never showed a flicker of hurt,or a glimpse of the torment I had been through, not even myself.

I met Loki on Midgard. I saw a reliable partner in him. We fell in love, he was the most loving person I had ever met. We were so happy but as our relationship escalated, things were on a deeper level. And that was the deepest part of me that I locked away. The part which never came in light, never healed. And when you don't heal, you bleed repeatedly.

We broke-up.

I locked that devastation in my heart too, not allowing more than a single tear running down my eye that night. Engrossed myself in heavy tasks, to never think of how messed up I was inside. But then the locked up part started getting worse. I cannot control it any longer.

And here I was, lying on the cold hard floor. Desperately needing to be held close by him, the one I hurt. Loki had been there for me whenever he sensed my discomfort, and I just pushed him out. I could never imagine how he would have felt. My hands shake as I muster up strength to pick my phone from the couch above me. My eyes blurry with tears as I call him.

_________________________________________

Loki rushed to her house, his heart pounding fast. It sank to his stomach when he found her on the floor in the living room, sniffling and eyes red from crying. In an instant he was by her side, pulling her on his lap.

"Y-you came?" She weakly whispered while sniffling.

"You called, Love" He answered, holding her close to his chest. It was then her dam broke loose. "I'm sorry Loki, I am sorry, so damn sorry." Her sobs broke his heart. "I love you, darling. I'm glad you called" she hid her face in his neck, hands holding his shirt tightly as she cries. He just holds her tightly through it all. Slowly her sobs calmed into soft whimpers

"You've been so strong, Love. Let me take care of you please." His soothing voice was bringing comfort to her trembling stature.mShe nods and snuggles into his chest as he picks her up and walks to her bedroom. Tucking her in bed. His heart warmed at the sight of her. Relishing the way she was allowing him to comfort her, to be with her again.

"Please stay" she mumbled softly. Still feeling drained from earlier.

"I'm right here love" he kissed her forehead tenderly

He slips in bed beside her and she snuggled into his chest once more. He flicks the light off with his magic and puts a warm blanket around them both.

"Loki?" She asked looking up.

"Hmm?"

"I love you"

"I love you too, darling"

"I'm sorry I- I pushed you away. Can you forgive me and bare with me again" she asked, her lower lip trembling again.

"I'd love nothing more. Now-now, sleep darling. We'll talk tomorrow"

___________________________________

I'm again alive. Not quite but yay! Requests are always open, response may delay.

[corviiids]

hello! how do you find consistent friends in fandom? as in, how do you find people who stick with you through different fandoms and listen and read your work. also, how long have you been writing for and how long did it take you to get so good at writing and character analysis.... your work is such an inspiration to me, genuinely one of my top 3 authors across ao3. i hope the writing goes well!

hey! this is really sweet, thank you very much for your lovely kind words. 💖

re: friendship: i don't mean to be a downer about this so i hope it doesn't come across this way, but i do think the concept of friends where you follow each other through all your fandoms and continue to read each other's work etc kind of... either doesn't exist or is just a rare phenomenon and not a 'type' of friend per se more than it is something that just happens out of luck. i am lucky enough to have friendships which have persisted through all of us changing fandoms, but the reason those friendships last is actually because we found connections that went beyond common interests. i think sharing a fandom/interest is great as an initial point of connection and a way to meet, but for a relationship to last, you need to have a deeper bond than both being into the same thing--so contrary to what you've asked about (oops sorry) those friendships im speaking of only last because we didn't follow each other into different fandoms, really. we didn't have to. along the same vein, i'd respectfully argue that it wouldn't be productive or fair of me to group 'reading my work' in as an element of friendship, so to speak--i definitely don't expect my friends to read my fic and vice versa, we all understand that we can support each other in our creative pursuits and lives in general / in the abstract without needing to be a fan of the same things or even necessarily being fans of each other's work (although of course it's always nice). i know this doesn't really answer your specific question but i hope it doesn't come across as pessimistic as it might sound. i truly and genuinely believe it's a positive thing that the idealised friendgroup traipsing through fandoms together doesn't really exist (or if it does exist, it's luck and not something to shoot for in itself), because this just tells me to look out for these great opportunities to form bonds that last beyond superficial interests.

in terms of how to make those friendships to begin with, im honestly even less help. my friendships kind of just happened to me. im actually quite terrible at reaching out to people and i am notoriously difficult to reach myself hahaha so honestly all the credit for my friendships goes to my friends for being patient and sticking with me despite that. i am honestly just very lucky in that i've been able to talk out loud into the void and have had wonderful people reach out to me because of it, but that's hardly a reliable strategy... i guess i'd encourage you to be more like my friends, who are the anime protagonists wielding the power of friendship to my prickly antagonist, or whatever. oh another thing to remember i guess is that some friendships just don't last this way and will stay within fandoms and may peter out, and that's ok. i don't consider those relationships less real or valuable for being less lasting.

re: writing: i want to caveat that i don't think i'm fairly able to say (or comfortable saying) that i'm particularly good at writing or character analysis, certainly not to an extent that i'd be willing to hold myself up as an example of it, but i really appreciate that you feel that way about my work and am incredibly honoured to be considered an inspiration in any capacity!!

with that disclaimer made, i'll do my best to answer for whatever it's worth. i've liked writing ever since i was a very little kid, but i will credit any actual progress i've made in developing the skill to writing fanfic because i think that being able to focus on building character and logical flow in plot progression over other things like creating characters, worldbuilding, inventing plots wholesale, etc--which has allowed me to sort of expedite those skills in particular and which i think are helpful in writing more broadly. (this also answers the 'character analysis' part specifically--when you don't have to/get to invent a character, you have to spend more time taking them apart.) anyway, i started writing fic about twelve or thirteen years ago, and there have been periods within that where i've progressed faster or slower depending what's going on in my life haha. i do think time played a massive role in any skill developments i've made, but i also know people take less time or more time to make similar progress (caveat again: progression is subjective, this is very approximate), so i think the other key ingredient besides time is engagement. if it's helpful, i went into that a little bit more here, but as stated i have a lot more to learn and would never present myself as an expert lol

[darth-mortem]

The sixth part of my demon!Ghost AU. During the latest mission, Price discovers that Ghost has his own priorities, which he places above his orders. But is that such a bad thing when the mission is accomplished and all members of 141 are still alive?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Missions, action, minor injury, hurt/comfort, caretaking. 3855 words.

“So who is he?” Soap asked skeptically, looking at the photos of a short, unremarkable man of Latin American appearance.

“Don't let appearances fool you, son.” Price shook his head. ”This weak bastard is part of the inner circle of a drug cartel operating in the United States, Mexico, Colombia, Venezuela, Peru, and Brazil. He was arrested by chance for a minor crime, and only then did they find out who they had caught. He seems willing to testify, but only in the northern part of the United States, where the cartel's influence does not yet extend. We have to get him out of Monterrey and take him to Seattle. Three other cars will be heading in the same direction but on different routes to confuse the enemy, but I don't think it's working.”

“And we have to deliver him alive, right?” Gaz asked, looking at the map.

“Aye.” Price nodded.

“Will the cartel try to free him or kill him?“ Soap asked.

“Good question.” The captain smiled crookedly. “I think we'll find out the answer as we go along.”

You can keep reading here or on the Ao3

The members of 141 fell silent, pondering the information they had received. Escorting important people for whatever reason was nothing new to them, but despite the high level of professionalism of all the members of the unit, something always went wrong. It could be something completely unpredictable, such as a vehicle breakdown or road repairs, or it could be the result of poor reconnaissance, when people who were supposed to be reliable suddenly turn out to be traitors.

“Forty hours on the road.” Roach said thoughtfully. ”If we're lucky, a couple of hours less. Someone remind me why we can't just fly this piece of shit out by plane or helicopter?”

“The Mexicans don't trust their pilots.” Price explained. ”They can't wait for someone from the States either, because tensions in the city and surrounding area are so high that a riot could break out at any moment.”

TF 141 was already on its way, and the briefing was taking place on board the C-17, which would deliver the Special Forces to a military base near Monterrey in two hours. That was where the important prisoner was being held, in the hope that the military would be able to provide greater security and that they were not as corrupt as the local police. Four armored vans were already ready, so as soon as 141 personally checks them for any unpleasant surprises, everyone will leave on their routes.

“We'll drive without long stops, changing drivers every five to six hours.” The captain spoke again. ”Ghost will keep an eye on the narco.”

According to the protocol, at least two soldiers were supposed to guard the prisoner, changing every few hours. However, the lieutenant was no ordinary soldier: he did not need food, water, or sleep; did not get tired; and therefore did not lose his vigilance. An added bonus was the fact that his terrifying aura was capable of depriving any prisoner of even the thought of attempting to escape, let alone any actual action.

Of course, Ghost wouldn't have to sit alone with the criminal in the armored van for forty hours straight. There were only two passenger seats in the cab of an armored van, so someone from the unit would still be with the lieutenant, but not to keep watch, just to rest before getting back behind the wheel.

“I don't like this.” Ghost said suddenly, and all eyes turned to him.

“What exactly, Lieutenant?” Price asked.

“The fact that, according to your plan, I'll have to protect this piece of shit, whom I would gladly kill myself.” Ghost explained with a threat in his voice, and the air around him suddenly became colder.

“None of us likes this.” Soap said reassuringly, gently touching the demon's shoulder. ”But it's our job. Maybe thanks to this piece of shit, we'll be able to catch even worse pieces of shit and take down their whole bloody cartel.”

Of course, MacTavish didn't believe it, and neither did the rest of 141. Most likely, this wasn't the last person in the big drug cartel who would change his mind about testifying once he was in relative safety or even buy his way out and return to his master. This mission was clearly shit, but not all of them were. Often, 141 really did save, if not the whole world, then at least some parts of it, and that was worth any risk, danger, or injury.

“I hate fucking narcos.” Ghost muttered but stopped arguing.

Price thought it would be worth asking the lieutenant about the reasons for his hatred, since before 141 he was unlikely to have been involved in anything related to organized crime. Judging by Colonel Albright's words, the demon was sent into battle in the most serious situations, when there was a direct threat to national security, and therefore he had dealt with terrorists, radical groups, insurgents, but not drug cartels or gangs. However, this could be discussed later, when everything was over. For now, everyone except Ghost was poring over the map.

The routes for each of the four vans had been determined in advance by the Mexican military base officers in charge of the prisoner, so the members of 141 automatically considered them compromised. Taking this way was like voluntarily walking into a trap, but they couldn't deviate from it too much either. First, the vans were likely equipped with GPS trackers, and a drastic change in route could be interpreted as an escape attempt with the prisoner. Second, it would increase the already considerable travel time. Taking all this into account, the members of 141 sought a compromise solution.

Some sections of the route were left unchanged: these were mainly major highways with heavy traffic, where cartel militants were unlikely to dare to attack. However, they had to improvise on narrow, little-known roads, choosing other, often even less known detours instead of the planned ones. The most dangerous sections were those that could not be bypassed, such as bridges or mountain passes.

“If there are a lot of them, we could call Ghost to the battle.” Soap said.

“We'll see how it goes.” Price replied. ”If necessary, one of us will switch places with the lieutenant.”

At the base where 141 arrived, everything was ready for the prisoner's transport. While Price discussed some details with local officers, Soap, Roach, and Gaz carefully checked all the vans for anything suspicious, such as explosives, as well as the condition of the engines and the availability of necessary supplies so that they would only have to stop to refuel. Satisfied that everything was in order, Garrick nodded to Price, who informed the local officers that they were ready.

All four escort teams took their places. The soldiers brought in four prisoners in handcuffs and with bags over their heads. Three of them were decoys, and only members of 141 and the base command knew which van the real one was in. Without revealing their faces, they were pushed into the armored vans and chained to special metal rings welded to the floor.

Price got behind the wheel, and Sanderson and Garrick took the passenger seats. Ghost and Soap climbed into the back, closing the doors behind them, after which MacTavish pushed aside the metal plate covering the barred window. Through it, they could talk to those in the cab, and the sergeant reported that everything was in order and they were ready to go.

The four vans left the base one after the other. 141's car was third in the convoy, which was the best position if the enemy decided to attack right then. However, this did not happen, and fifteen minutes later, each van turned onto its route.

“Hey, you, take this damn bag off me!” The prisoner shouted. ”I can't breathe!”

Soap glanced through the window and caught the captain's eye in the mirror. He nodded briefly, and the sergeant leaned forward and yanked the bag off the narco's head. He seemed to want to say something else but changed his mind when he saw Ghost sitting directly opposite him. The lieutenant, as always, was completely motionless, and even under the cover of his hood, it was clear that he was staring intently at the prisoner and that the look was not a friendly one.

In the plane, Price had entered all possible alternative routes into the satellite navigator, and now he was deciding what to do. One klick further on, he could turn right onto a dirt road, or he could continue straight ahead as it was planned. Assuming that the cartel wouldn't attack the van at the beginning of the journey, especially near a military base, the captain chose the second option and pressed the pedal to the floor, picking up speed.

Soap sighed quietly and stretched his legs as far as he could in the back of the van. He didn't want to talk to Ghost or anyone else in the presence of this bastard. They still had many hours ahead of them, so the sergeant leaned his head back against the armored wall and tried to get some sleep. The prisoner didn't even seem to notice; he cowered in his seat under Ghost's heavy gaze, unable to take his eyes off him, as if afraid that if he did, this huge son of a bitch would kill him on the spot. Glancing through the window from time to time, Kyle and Gary grinned, knowing how the demon's terrifying aura worked and glad that his wrath was not directed at them.

After Monterrey and a few small towns, the landscape began to become more desolate. From time to time, cars passed by in the opposite lane or overtook the van, but they became fewer and fewer. After a while, the desert gave way to hills, and ahead, against the starry sky, dark masses of mountains appeared. Crossing them was the first dangerous section, and Price, gripping the steering wheel more tightly, briefly ordered everyone to be on alert.

Gas and Roach took their rifles, removed the safety catches, and prepared to shoot through the windows if necessary. They were now closed so that the armored glass could protect the soldiers from stray bullets, but Sanderson, who was sitting in the middle, was ready to open them to shoot through both the driver's and passenger's windows. Soap woke up, shook his head to clear the sleep from his eyes, and also placed his assault rifle on his knees. Only Ghost remained motionless, staring intently at the prisoner, whose face was covered in sweat, either from the heat or from fear.

When the road started to climb, Price slowed down. Garrick lowered the thermal imager mounted on his helmet and began to carefully scan the surroundings. Ahead was the steepest climb on this stretch of road and also the narrowest point, a combination that was ideal for trying to stop the car.

“There are heat signatures five hundred yards ahead.” Gaz reported. “Three to the right of the road, five to the left.”

“Not enough for an attack.” Soap said.

“This isn't an attack.” Price answered, slowing down even more so he could brake if the enemies threw a spike strip on the road. ”They're testing us.”

Roach lowered both windows a little. The captain leaned forward, closer to the steering wheel, so that Gary could move as close as possible to the window behind him. The van's headlights should have blinded the people crouching on both sides of the road, and it was dark in the cab, so they couldn't see all the preparations and realize that they had been spotted. The best solution in this situation would be to open fire first, but without 100% certainty that the enemy was ahead and not, for example, a bunch of tourists, this was not an option.

Confidence came with the sound of gunshots and bullets hitting the armored body of the van. Kyle and Gary instantly returned fire, and Price stepped on the gas, trying to avoid hitting the wheels. Soap tensed, leaning forward as if he were about to join the firefight through the barred window. The prisoner, on the other hand, cowered, covering his head with his hands. Only Ghost remained completely motionless, causing even greater terror in the cartel member.

Roach and Gaz didn't know how many enemies they had killed or injured. The van crested the top of the hill and, picking up speed, sped away from the scene of the clash.

The next ambush awaited 141 already on US soil. At that moment, Soap was behind the wheel, and this probably saved the day to some extent. The sergeant's keen eyes spotted the barbed wire on the road, and his first-class driving skills prevented the tires from puncturing and the wire from wrapping around the axle. He also managed to keep the van from overturning, but he couldn't continue driving: the engine stalled, and in addition to the barbed wire, a large fallen tree blocked the road.

This time, the cartel sent more than two dozen of its militants, who surrounded the armored car as soon as it stopped. In addition to Soap, Price and Roach were also sitting in the cab, and the captain ordered them to get out and find a more advantageous position. Gas and Ghost were to remain with the prisoner for the time being, and the lieutenant clearly did not like this order. For the first time since the trip began, he took his eyes off the narco and looked at the barred window. It was almost impossible to see anything through it, but Ghost seemed to be able to understand what was going on by listening. Gaz remained alert, watching the prisoner, who seemed to feel an incredible relief that the creepy lieutenant had finally stopped staring at him.

Garrick heard shots and indistinct commands, but looking at Ghost, he knew that the demon could hear much more. His inhumanly acute hearing distinguished the soft whistling of bullets cutting through the air and the sloshing of blood flowing from wounds; the whispered orders of both enemies and Price; the clicking of bolts; the clanking of equipment; the last breaths of mortally wounded cartel militants... Suddenly, Ghost heard a short cry of pain and immediately recognized Soap's voice. At that moment, he slammed the small window shut with the armored cover and crossed the back of the van, grabbing the door handle.

“Watch him, Sergeant.” He ordered briefly and then jumped out of the van, slamming the door behind him.

His rifle remained on the seat, out of the prisoner's reach, but Gaz was sure that Ghost had left it there on purpose, deciding to deal with his enemies by other means.

Roach and Price tried to sneak behind the enemy lines, while Soap remained in their cover and created the appearance of several people by firing hastily fixed weapons from various points. At first, everything went well, but then MacTavish leaned out too far, and an enemy bullet grazed his shoulder. It was a minor, non-life-threatening wound, but the sudden pain made Soap cry out, and that's what Ghost heard.

In the first second after being injured, MacTavish lost his balance and fell on his back. In his radio earpiece, Price asked him about his status. He tried to reply that he was fine, but then Ghost walked past him with a demonstrative slowness, clutching his scythe in his hand. It was still small, but Soap already knew what this strange weapon really was.

“Hey, Cap, did you call Ghost?” Soap asked over the radio. ”Because he's coming your way.”

Price cursed. He and Roach were almost at their target and could have handled it themselves, but for some reason, the damn demon had decided to disobey his order. This was cause for concern, because who could predict what other orders Ghost would disobey in the future?

The enemies, of course, almost immediately noticed the tall, burly figure approaching them and unleashed all their firepower on him. Bullets struck Ghost in the stomach, chest, and shoulders; one or two ricocheted off his skull mask, and then he was upon them, his slowness nowhere to be seen.

The scythe was small, but that didn't make it any less deadly in the demon's hands. Each swift swing took a life, sometimes several, and soon the remaining cartel members tried to flee, but they didn't get far. Ghost had forgotten his rifle, but Price and Roach had theirs. Coming out of cover, they stood on either side of the demon and quickly finished off the enemies fleeing to their cars.

Silence reigned. Ghost spread his arms, still clutching his scythe in one of them, and streams of white smoke drifted toward him. Price and Roach stepped back and almost bumped into Soap, who approached them, clutching his wounded shoulder.

“What happened to you?” The captain asked anxiously, seeing the blood dripping from the sergeant's palm.

“I'm solid, just a scratch.” Soap replied.

Roach remained silent, unable to take his eyes off Ghost. Having finished gathering what now belonged to him, he slowly threw his scythe into the holder on his back and lowered his arms. Turning around, he saw Soap and almost rushed towards him, carefully hugging him and ignoring the shocked looks of Price and Sanderson.

“Why did you leave the bloody van, Lieutenant?“ The captain asked as sternly as possible.

“I heard Johnny’s scream.” Ghost replied in his terrifying, rumbling voice and turned his eyes, burning from the battle and the devouring of souls, to Price. “I thought he...”

“No, no, Lt., I'm fine!” Soap interrupted, feeling his chest warm with the realization that Ghost had come just for him. ”Here, look for yourself!”

MacTavish removed his hand, revealing the bloody mark left on his shoulder by the bullet, which had torn through the skin and slightly damaged the flesh beneath. The lieutenant stared silently at the wound for a few seconds and then slowly shook his head.

“Demons can't heal.” He said quietly. ”Although I wish they could.”

Then he turned and walked back to the van. Price watched him thoughtfully, and Roach, glancing at Soap, asked:

“What the hell is going on between you two?”

“I don't know.” MacTavish replied, a little confused.

“Cut the chatter.” Price interrupted, rubbing the back of his head. ”Roach, get in the van with Soap and bandage him up. Send Ghost back to me. We need to get that damn tree out of the way.”

Soon, 141 was on its way again. Roach took the wheel, and Soap remained in the back with Ghost. The lieutenant wasn't looking at the prisoner now, his eyes still glowing, but his mere presence was enough to make the cartel member tremble with fear.

“I'm curious about something.” MacTavish spoke, addressing the narco. “Did your friends want to free you or kill you?”

The prisoner did not answer. Soap snorted contemptuously, then lay down on the bench, resting his head on Ghost's knees, and soon dozed off.

The rest of the journey passed without incident. There were probably still ambushes ahead, but Price ordered all possible detours to be taken to avoid further clashes. When the battered van with bullet traces finally arrived in Seattle, it was escorted by two police cars straight to the station where the valuable prisoner was to be held. By this point, Ghost had intimidated the unfortunate man so much with his terrifying immobility and watchful gaze that he looked absolutely happy when he was finally taken out of the car and locked in a cell.

Price, Garrick, and Sanderson remained at the station to give a detailed report of everything that had happened, while the captain sent Soap and Ghost to rest at a hotel, where three rooms had been booked for them.

“Before we head home, we simply must celebrate another successful mission.” Gaz declared. ”It's on you, Lieutenant. See you tomorrow!”

Waving his hand, Kyle went back to the captain and Roach, while Soap gently nudged the confused Ghost toward the exit, where a patrol car was already waiting to take them to the hotel. The lieutenant was silent the whole way, and only when he was alone in the room with Soap did he speak.

“Did Sergeant Garrick mean that I should buy you all alcohol?” He asked. “But I don't have money.”

“You have money, Lt.” Soap smiled cheerfully and began to take off his equipment, then his clothes, under the watchful gaze of the demon. “You're officially in the army now and get paid like the rest of us. Do you remember, along with your ID card, the captain gave you another one, a bank card?”

“Yes.” Ghost replied, watching as the sergeant shamelessly took off his T-shirt and unbuttoned his pants.

“Well, when we're at the pub, I'll show you how to use it.” Soap took off his pants, then hooked his thumb into the elastic of his boxers and winked slyly. ”If you want to see more, you have to show me something too, Lt. Think about it, I'm going to take a shower.”

MacTavish spent a long time in the bathroom, washing off the sweat and dirt, then rebandaging his shoulder. He didn't know what had come over him to say such a stupid thing to Ghost, and he was a little afraid to come out, but when he finally dared, he found the demon sitting calmly on one of the beds. Soap smiled at him, turned off the light, and dove under the blanket of the second bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly, but sleep would not come. After tossing and turning for twenty minutes, MacTavish sighed and looked at the motionless dark figure opposite him.

“Lt.?” He called softly.

“Yes, Johnny?” Ghost replied.

“Remember how you offered to warm me up once?” Soap asked, feeling his cheeks begin to burn. ”Will you do that now?”

The lieutenant didn't answer, but the sergeant heard his bed creak and fabric rustle as he took off some of his gear. A couple of minutes later, Ghost approached and lay down next to Soap, wrapping his arms around him with his blanket on and pulling him close to his chest. MacTavish felt a pleasant warmth envelop his entire body through his blanket, along with an incredible feeling of security and absolute safety.

“Thanks, Lt.” Soap said sleepily and stroked Ghost's shoulder. ”You're so kind...”

MacTavish fell asleep quickly and soundly, leaving the demon to ponder everything that had happened in that room. Ghost tried to understand what it all meant but then gave up, pulled the sleeping Johnny closer to him, and moved his head slightly, touching his chin to the mohawk that was still slightly damp after the shower. Tomorrow he would definitely ask the sergeant what he meant, but now he needed to rest, and if he had decided to do so in the arms of a demon, who was Ghost to argue?

[alexanderwales]

The worst thing about creative AI right now is that it produces bad results. The writing is bad, the images are bad, and the video is bad. It's impressive, sometimes, that the technology works as well as it does, but it's still bad.

I think if you sit down and go through a few hundred generations, then tweak and edit and inpaint and think intently, you can sometimes get something worth putting in front of people, if you have the right eye for it. I could definitely edit up an AI-written short story into something worth reading, especially if I was the one who had fed it the prompt and gone through the work of having my own ideas to insert. I think at least part of the output would be the AI's, and I could carve away everything that was nonsense or just bad, leaving only a few turns of phrase or some general boilerplate structure ... and this would take more time and effort than just writing the thing myself.

Most people who use generative AI do not want to do any work, and in fact, have no conception of what work would be required. Most of them are consumers, not producers, and they're used to the modes of content consumption, where you don't look closely at the details. Generative AI, in its current state, just kind of sucks when you're in a "press button, get results" mindset.

The stuff generated by "press button, get results" is the vast, vast majority of AI art that you will see, even accounting for filtering effects. There are a lot of people who have no love of artistry producing artwork via machines that are not good at making artwork, sometimes just for a lark, sometimes with profit in mind, and it's threatening to drown out other stuff in spite of being bad.

This is my thesis: generative AI produces bad results, and this is possibly the worst thing about it. If it were able to produce good results, I think that a lot of people would be less opposed to it. If you could get a short story that was worth reading, or a picture worth looking at, for no additional effort of manipulation or prompt engineering or whatever else, then we would be flooded with good art instead of bad art.

When it comes to art, I care about how it makes me feel, and what it's trying to say, and where the intent is, and what ideas it has. AI is not there. Possibly it will never get there. But sometimes I see a picture that the AI has made, and I do feel something in the sweep of the lines, or the composition, or just the juxtaposition of elements. It's just really really rare, and the product of either chance or really careful work on the part of some human. It's not something that the AI can do reliably, at least at the moment. You can also quibble about intent, because the AI "has none", but I find beauty in nature too, which is not trying to make a statement with its sunsets, and whose intents, if they can be said to exist, are mostly about things that are orthogonal to my perceptions, like the plumage of a sparrow or the curved leaves of a fern. To me, art is art because of the way that it can be read and the emotions that I feel when I look at it. Contentious, I'm sure, but I don't find other definitions all that useful.

But the art that the AI makes is, unless expertly guided, bad. And there's a ton of it, and it's impacting the ability of real artists to make superior work.

I think the future I see, if the AI doesn't get better, is one where we have a bunch of cheap shit that's replaced a lot of good expensive things. I am in favor of cheap things, but I'm not in favor of shit. I would love for translation to be as simple as pressing a button. I would love to have a good painting to go with every chapter I write. But we're in a world where the results mostly suck unless you're willing to put in quite a bit of effort and have some expertise in a field of creative endeavor, and that means we're in a world where the products are bad.

I'm interested to see how the conversation shifts if the results start getting better, because that seems to me like one of the sticking points.

[thebreakfastgenie]

In retrospect, should the Dems have held onto more Joe Manchin-types instead of letting AOC types basically take the party hostage?

I don't think it's a zero-sum game! I look at the Democratic Party as a big tent coalition party. You run your AOC types in districts/states where they match the electorate and your Joe Manchin types in districts/states where they match the electorate. Most of your districts/states will be somewhere in between; choose your candidates accordingly. Joe Manchin was a pain in the ass and sometimes he was an asshole about it, but I never had the hatred for him that a lot of Dems did because relative to Dem senators yeah he was the worst but relative to West Virginia? He was the best we were going to get. I think there's room in the party for both, as long as both ends are willing to work together and behave as good faith coalition partners. That's the part that's hard to do, because a lot of people really don't understand how different constituencies are, and even the ones who do have their own stakes involved. Republicans are so extreme right now that in theory you can build a pretty broad coalition just on the basis of "we're all closer to each other than we are to those lunatics." In the long run if we actually manage to replace the current GOP with a functional, sane conservative party that may change, but we'll cross that bridge then, parties always adapt to the political circumstances.

I don't think it's fair to say "AOC types took the party hostage," although I understand why some people feel that way about the progressive wing. Obviously the progressive wing's demands were part of it, but I don't think the Biden-Harris administration's progressive policies or the progressive parts of the party platform were created to placate hostage takers. A lot of Democrats believe in that stuff, I think the progressive wing worked very hard to convince Biden and other establishment leaders that those policies were politically viable. There's plenty of fair criticism of the progressive wing as coalition partners, and part of that is that they did not deliver a reliable base. I've been skeptical of the base they promised since Bernie Sanders first started talking about in 2016, so I would be willing to say I think it was a mistake for Democrats to believe that base would materialize.

However, I can kind of understand why the Dems did it, because Joe Manchin types are going extinct. It's happening for a lot of structural reasons that are beyond the Dems' control. Knowing type of Dem and the base that came with them are rapidly disappearing, they had to find another source of support, and the progressive wing made their case. It would have been nice if it worked out, I'm not really shocked that it didn't, and the consequences of that gamble not paying off are, you know, severe.

I am glad we hardly have any anti-choice Dems anymore. I'm glad LGBT rights are here to stay as part of the platform. I'm fairly progressive myself, so I'm happy with where the party has moved over the last twenty years. Strategy is a tougher question and I have my thoughts but I also know that's somebody's job and I hope they know more about this than I do.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch!

What advice would you give for someone who is interested in trying penetrative sex one day, but utterly terrified at the prospect of any chance, no matter how small, of becoming pregnant?

It’s a genuine phobia for me, and a big part of why I considered myself sex-repulsed as an asexual for a while, when I was really closer to neutral but was too terrified to try anything. Logically, I know things like condoms are fairly reliable, but there’s still that chance, you know?

hi anon,

in addition to condoms I'd definitely recommend looking into your options for hormonal birth control. IUDs have a failure rate of a little under 1%, which can be decreased even further by using them with another form of contraception like external or internal condoms (which go on the penis or inside of the vaginal cavity respectively; both are effective but Do Not use them together). it may also help your peace of mind to have some emergency contraceptive like Plan B on hand (when stored properly, it's shelf stable for up to four years!) or even make sure you have an actionable plan + emergency funds set aside for the worst case scenario of an unwanted pregnancy, whether it's an in-clinic abortion or a self-managed abortion at home. it can be scary to think about, but learning about your options and knowing that you have a plan in place + the ability to carry it out if the worst comes to pass can help make the risk much less daunting.

if you want to get really heavy duty with it you may want to look into the option of being medically sterilized. there are a number of options for people with vaginal reproductive systems, including bilateral salpingectomy, tubal litigation, or having the ovaries and/or uterus fully removed. it's expensive and can be difficult at times to find surgeons willing to perform these procedures on people who are still of reproductive age, but if you're set on it and able to afford it then it seems like a reasonable option to pursue for your satisfaction and peace of mind.

there are also plenty of ways of having penetrative sex that don't carry any risk of pregnancy, if those speak to you: toys and fingers can penetrate just as well as a penis, and there's always anal.

[rocketbirdie]

thought dump about the mh wilds beta below the cut. I am playing in japanese with english subtitles on PS5; I play solo; I am, to nobody's surprise, maining the lance. Thought and opinions are in no particular order and kind of not fully coherent:

Settings stuff:

Even the largest HUD and text sizes are too small. Not everybody has a huge honkin screen. That being said, the accessibility settings that DO exist, I am very happy with. I was pleasantly surprised to see an option for dark background behind captions, which goes to show just how goddamn low the bar is LMAO

Slightly related: Sunbreak spoiled me rotten by letting me have total control over which HUD elements are on the screen at all.

PLEASE for the love of all that is good in this world, PLEASE LET US GET RID OF THE RADIAL MENU in the full game. I am the #1 radial menu hater of all time and I do NOT want it hijacking my camera movement.

Thank you capcom for letting me use O=confirm in a world where playstation stubbornly adheres to its pretentious little X button <3

General gameplay stuff:

Where are the ridiculous hairstyles. These people all look too Normal. TEETH OPTIONS????

NO MORE GENDER LOCKED BULL SHITT YEEEEHAAAAW

The story and characters are boring as dirt which is par for the course for MH, but man is it a teensy bit embarrassing how hard they're trying to push it.

THE WORLD FEELS SO ALIVE!! I love seeing packs of both small AND large monsters living in their environments. Everything is so detailed and the map is immense, but not so huge that it's completely overwhelming.

Giving the hunter and palicos voice lines is an affront to gog.

Slinger. eeeugh. It's fine I guess, I just would rather not have it at all. I am a cultured hunter who prefers to fling hot dung with my bare hands

Oh Sweet Lord They're Making Me Pick Dialogue Options In A Monster Hunter Game

WHYYYYY with the always online thing? what is the obsession with this from triple-a devs???? "Online single player" should not be a thing, let alone the last option on the list. What happened to just single player. NO I DO NOT WANT TO USE AN SOS FLARE. Hello can anyone hear me

They did confirm that there will be a pause button in the full game. Right? God I hope so

HOOO BOY I hope they do some major adjustments to the Seikret movement in the full release. Even with the discrete analog stick movement setting on, it's so uncooperative at times. HATE how hard the game tries to make automatic movement happen. I want manual control at all times, and auto-running is not the convenience they think it is. Frustrating enough that I found myself avoiding riding the Seikret on some hunts.

I understand wanting to have a seamless open world experience but man... the lack of any strong distinction between hub and quest, and the fact that you don't just automatically return to the hub after the hunt, is really screwing with my head. It feels wrong and not in a "just give it some time you'll get used to it" kind of way.

LANCE:

Lance feels pretty good in this game!! The shield is very reliable even without any relevant armor skills. I love the finishers they added to the end of the classic 3-poke combos. Gives it just the right amount of extra zest without going overboard.

i won't lie though. i miss sunbreak lance's stupid overpowered shield hop -> leaping thrust combo. even if it's probably for the best that it's gone :(

Counterattacking feels off?? Like it's hard to tell when an attack just connected with my shield, there isn't a strong enough punch to it. Is this the "floatiness" that people were complaining about in the last beta test? Because I totally get it.

Also I have never had any trouble in any prior MH game with cancelling out of the dash attack. Why is it suddenly SO difficult to stop dashing. Petty whiny add-on: let me do the shield dash instead pleeeease pretty please

Combat in general feels kind of weird... I think it's because of the emphasis on realism? I'm perfectly fine with sluggishness in my monhun weapons, but this just feels bogged down. Thought I was going crazy until I tried the hunting horn (another main of mine from GU and Sunbreak) and sheathe->normal running was significantly faster than self-improvement's running speed, which is.... yikes............

side note: gypceros is just as obnoxious as he has always been! A+

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Idia Shroud - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Look at all these dynamic brushstrokes that can only truly be appreciated because they're from a real painting… Fheehee! This is the real thrill of seeing one live!

Idia: ―Ah! Th-Th-Th-This is…! A PAINTING OF THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD ON HIS CHARIOT!!!

Idia: It hits so hard～ In order to rescue a captured comrade, the king himself rushes to the front lines… Oooowee～ Doesn't that just get your heart pumpin'?

???: Indeed… However, is it appropriate for a dutiful commander to leave his base and head to the front lines?

Idia: Eeek!!! Silver-shi!? D-Don't just cut in when I'm talking to myself like that. This is why I can't deal with extroverts…

Silver: My apologies for startling you. I found your comment to be interesting, so I could not help but chime in.

Idia: E-Even if you think it's interesting, don't you think your impression of him was pretty shallow just from this one anecdote...?

Silver: Meaning?

Idia: I-If he was just a minister or something, he coulda just split after setting up the strategy, leaving it to his subordinates to execute everything.

Idia: But he still went to such a dangerous place to stir up morale, because that mission would be the linchpin of the whole battle. So, basically…

Idia: That means his responsibility meter is through the roof!! Wheeew, he's a totally different breed than any naïve and useless politician who just hoists their title around.

Silver: So you're saying that he himself went out there because it was a crucial situation. I would say that he does have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, indeed.

Silver: Hearing your opinion on the matter has allowed me to delve deeper into understanding this painting and its story. You are quite wise.

Idia: S-Sure, yeah～! You should follow my example and study up on things a little better, Silver-shi!

Silver: I will do just that. …However, it feels as though what you said about how other leaders may act had some weight behind it.

Silver: I had heard that you took up the title of Housewarden after being recommended by the previous Housewarden...

Silver: Was that because you had had previous experience as a leader, and were thus therefore chosen for the position?

Idia: Huh!? N-No, nuh-uh, wut are you even talking about? No way, no way… 'Sides, I'm more of a solo player even in my online games, y'know?

Idia: I mean, sometimes I've taken the lead of a party when I absolutely had to for a raid, or something…

Silver: As I expected, you do have experience in leadership.

Idia: It's not that big a deal… I mean, I got a reliable battle buddy who tanks and usually takes the lead.

Idia: Generally, I go for healing or DPS roles. Or more like, I just stack as many buffs as I can to increase firepower.

Idia: But it's not like our schedules always line up, so whenever he's not around, I take the lead… Because I have to!

Idia: It's usually the high-level players with great skills that take on the leader role. And in that case, I've basically maxed out all my stats in every position, so…

Idia: And I can grasp what the scenarios call for, see? And I can also play the tank roles to take charge on the front lines, right???

Idia: "Thanks to you, I was able to clear this high-level quest! I'm so thankful to have joined this party!"

Idia: …THEY SAY, ELECTING ME MVP OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Idia: And I was just taking on the leader role because I had to. I'm just way too good…

Silver: So, those who fought alongside you showered you with gratitude. That just proves even further your leadership capabilities.

Idia: I-I wouldn't go that far― …Or maybe, just a little bit further? H-Hee Fheeheeheehee!

Idia: But also, I don't want to deal with failing a quest because some loser was placed in charge, so.

Idia: So I guess next time I have to put together a party, if my friend isn't available, I'll just have to lead them all again!

Idia: Wheeew, it's hard being so awesome～!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Silver: This is a painting of a lion, warthog, and a meerkat, I see. The three of them are singing a song and seem to get along well.

Idia: Ain't they waaay too upbeat, to be able to sing while walking like that? Like, this painting shows the lion crown prince that was forced to leave his own country…

Idia: It's showing him singing along with some friends he ended up making, while he tries to ignore that pain, right?

Idia: Lucky him, that they chose to glorify his hiatus from his royal duties like this. Tch!

Silver: I've heard that singing can raise one's spirits. Perhaps they all wanted to brighten their own moods.

Idia: Speaking of singing to take your mind off stuff, there was this one time when I was a kid when my little brother was too scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night…

Idia: So we would go there while singing the theme song of our favorite anime together.

Idia: Eh, anyway, whatever their reason for singing, having that moon in the background composition like that's super moving. Kinda like what you'd see in an MV.

Silver: Em-vee…?

Idia: Eh… Y-You don't know what a music video is? It's a video recording that goes along with music and lyrics…

Silver: Ah, so you call those MVs. I understand.

Idia: I-If you feel like checking out some MVs sometime, I'd recommend the idol group "Precipice Moirai."

Idia: Premo's MVs are so awesome that you could watch them 100 times and never tire of them…!

Silver: 100 times… That's quite a lot. Is that generally something you'd watch so often?

Idia: A true fan would absolutely! More like, it's way too insolent to think that you could truly appreciate their MV with only one watch!

Idia: The first watch is all about enjoying the song and video in its entirety. The next three times the focus is shifted to checking out each of the three members' dance moves and expressions one by one.

Idia: Next, there's the actual composition of the MV, and digging deep into the actual message of the video… At a minimum, it should be watched ten times.

Idia: On top of all that, Premo's super casual MVs can put even a film director to shame!

Idia: There's no way to fully comprehend their art with only a couple viewings. That's why it needs to be viewed hundreds of times.

Silver: I had no idea their work was that deep… It may prove useful in training me better in emotional expressions, and perhaps could even be incorporated into the academy's music courses.

Idia: N-No, I mean, you don't gotta go that far… But it's great that you know just how awesome they are.

Idia: Even between us Premo fans, there's always those who still don't understand their art at all…

Idia: Every time a new MV comes out, there's always people saying stuff like, "She got the most screen time," or "She's definitely the manager's favorite," and the like…

Idia: But does that have anything to do with the quality of their work? It doesn't, right? They don't care about understanding the heart or essence of the songs.

Silver: I see… I feel as though I have learned a lot from you, Idia-senpai.

Silver: When we return to campus, I will look into, hm… Premo? Yes, Premo's music videos.

Idia: Eh, no way!? S-S-Seriously!? They have all their latest MVs on their official Magicam account!

Idia: P-PLEASE WATCH THEM! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Ooh, here's the Sea Witch floating in the darkness… She's got a nice, bewitching smile going, too.

Silver: This is a painting depicting the scene of when the Sea Witch drew up a contract.

Silver: If I recall, it was said that the contract was so unbreakable that even a powerful spear couldn't rip through it.

Idia: I mean, you'd think that just having a contract that doesn't tear apart or bleed ink in water is strong enough...

Silver: Perhaps the contents of the contract was dire enough she did not wish it broken.

Idia: Who cares about the contents, the material of the contract is way more interesting. How high of a defense stat did it even have to not get ripped up by a spear?

Idia: But I totally get it, everyone wants to make invincible things every so often.

Silver: I cannot say I understand, but… What sort of thing would you make, Idia-senpai?

Idia: Like a "game console power cord that can never be taken away," or something like that… A-Actually, I tried to make something like that when I was a kid.

Idia: Whenever I'd play video games all day and into night, my mother would end up hiding all my cords.

Idia: If all she did was hide them, I could just make myself a new one, but she'd hide the cord materials as well. Totally overboard!

Idia: So I had a thought. I had to do something so she couldn't hide it!

Silver: I can only imagine your mother was concerned for your health… Did you never consider quitting your games?

Idia: Why would I? Ahh, but I really did burn the midnight oil like a little worker bee back then.

Idia: Like, I'd put a motion sensor on it, so that the cord could automatically run away from whoever was holding it...

Idia: Or I'd make the cord transparent so it couldn’t be found, or attach a homing function to it so it'd come back on its own…

Idia: And finally, after many failed attempts… I finally did it…!

Idia: I MADE A TRANSPARENT POWER CORD THAT ONLY RECOGNIZES THE AUTHORIZED USER!!

Silver: I do not really comprehend what that is, but… It is amazing that you invented something with your own two hands.

Idia: Nope, not at all.

Idia: My family also has a real stubborn genius, and every time I came up with some tech, it'd quickly get shot down by some kind of countermeasure...

Idia: And it took me a few months of that game of cat and mouse before I realized I should just convert my game console to wireless.

Idia: Hmph… But the peace and quiet that came from switching to wireless didn't last long at all...

Idia: Soon after, the Final Boss appeared: a device capable of disabling all wireless tech within a 10-meter radius!

Idia: Well, all the experience I got developing the motion sensing and automatic functions helped when I was putting Ortho together…

Idia: So I guess all that trial and error wasn't for nothing.

Silver: Even if you can picture your ideal outcome, it is rather difficult to actually put into action.

Silver: However, you have made real many of your thoughts. I can respect that.

Idia: Wai― What're you trying to say all a sudden? Getting complimented to my face randomly like that is a little scary… W-Wait, is this all a plot to beguile me!?

Silver: A plot? ...Hm, I see it has gotten late. I have kept you for some time. My apologies.

Silver: I am grateful to have heard such wonderful stories from you. Well then, I shall be on my way.

Idia: Whew… I'm exhausted having to actually talk to people for the first time in a while… Ah, this is…

Idia: It's the hero from that one myth. Look at his sparkling expression… He looks like he totally believes the future ahead of his is bright.

Idia: Life doesn't always go as swimmingly as you hope, though… Hope he doesn't get too excited that he gets carried away by the river of the underworld!

Requested by Anonymous.

[artilite]

ohhhh my gogfh. oh my good gracious ohh man. oh stars oh gems etc etc etc sorry for the spam on your lion dance post i didn’t realize until after going INSANE over it that it’s from like five months ago but again i. i saw it and went insane. genuinely one of my favourite things any isat creator has done to date thank you SO MUCH for the joy and whimsy im running up the WAAAALLS

NOOO NEVER APOLOGIZE I WAS SO SO HAPPY SEEING YOUR TAGS-- it's always a delight seeing other lion dance enthusiasts bc they feel so few and far between :') THANK YOU SO MUCHH AJDHAK !!! also OOF, PASSAGE OF TIME? i promised myself i'd properly revisit lion dance isat one day.. perhaps soon.....

i hope you don't mind me piggybacking off this ask to share my reasoning for their roles :^) i realize i never shared it anywhere JSDHSF (long post under cut) (there's art i promise)

the lion: siffrin and isa!! of course!! The base of a lion usually needs to be strong and steady, traits that fit isabeau very well :) i think he'd also appreciate being reliable/having to be relied on so much, and supporting sif in putting themselves out there in performance. Siffrin also probably weighs like, nothing to him, so that's a plus LOL.

Siffrin would be the head, not only bc they're quick and agile, but also bc I think they'd give the lion a fun personality! I think having the costume to hide behind would help him come out of his shell more :] (and my personal hc is that the island is SE asian in some way, so a fun way to connect to his culture as well, even if he doesn't remember it </3)

i drew them with a fut san lion (just 'cause its easier for me LOL) but i think they'd perform hok san!

the buddha: loop... i think they'd appreciate the ability to look out for sif and isa and keep them safe, while also messing around and being part of the performance themself !! they'd love any opportunity to annoy siffrin anyway HSDJHSDF also something something... universe's cosmic joke being the comedic relief role......

drum: originally i gave the role of drummer to bonnie, but now i'd probably hand the role to either mirabelle, to carry over her leader position in the group, or odile, since she's the most senior member! definitely leaning towards mirabelle though. i like the idea of her being the heart of the party :)

other instruments: odile is on gong, based purely off of vibes. tell me odile wouldn't pop off with the gong. also, she's probably familiar with it already! bonnie gets symbols because that's JUST like banging pots and pans together, which i'm sure they have plenty of. honestly, they could just bang actual pots and pans together LOL. they'd have fun with it :)

[kirby-the-gorb]

we are about an hour into rare disease day in my timezone! (it's always the last day of february, whether that's the 28th or the 29th.) the true prevalence of mast cell disorders is unknown, as they are often misdiagnosed or ignored. and mast cell activation syndrome, the most prevalent kind of mast cell disorder, only had diagnostic criteria laid out for the first time in 2010. so whether or not it's truly rare is really up in the air!

(personally I suspect it is just aggressively underdiagnosed but I'm not a research scientist or diagnostician right now. and even if it is rare, it's gonna be a lot less so than it was 5 years ago as certain respiratory infections are known to trigger it into visibility. that's what happened to me when I got mono at the end of 2015, further compounded when I got covid in 2022.)

all chronically ill people face a lot of hurdles when it comes to seeking diagnosis, accommodation, and treatment (all of which can be severely complicated by any intersecting marginalities), but rare diseases present a special challenge.

for example, I have an immune disorder. my immune system does not like being alive, my mast cells are way too jumpy and throw a tantrum over every little thing. you'd think an immunologist would be the one to treat me, right?

I've had 6 immunology referrals rejected in the past 9 months alone. multiple major immunology clinics in my major city tied to a major research university outright refuse to see patients with "mcas" written anywhere in their chart.

after 8 years of being debilitatingly ill, and suspecting it was immune mediated for 6, and getting it confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt by the bone marrow biopsy last month, I will have my second ever appointment with an immunologist. another 2 1/2 months from now. the first immunologist lied to me about the reliability of the one available blood test, when I first came up with the hypothesis by myself 6 years ago, and forced me to abandon my (correct!!! now proven!!!) hypothesis for 3 entire years while we wandered around lost and got nowhere other than even more thorough process of elimination.

okay, well if my immune system is attacking me, maybe it's technically autoimmune? that's the rheumatologists instead of the immunologists, what do they have to say? dick all my dude, I don't have rheumatoid arthritis so they just shrug at me and go "idk, fibro? I don't know why you're here" and send me home with nothing. (I literally had a rheumatologist say to me, verbatim, "I don't know why you're here." buddy it's your job to read the chart and decide if I get seen or not, you tell me. at least he had a snazzy outfit.)

being chronically ill can be a terrible struggle no matter what, but a disease that is perceived as rare, accurate or not, adds a whole new layer of bullshit. (and of course there are much much rarer diseases out there, with even more hoops and dead ends and struggles and all-new layers of bullshit that even I don't have to deal with!)

anyway I'm having a shit time and using this awareness day as an excuse to productively bitch about it 👍