#i don't think i have any reliable way to get myself out of it

[captain-kit-adventuress]

I really, really, really want to underscore just how difficult life with ADHD can be for neurotypicals who can't seem to understand.

I have known people who deeply struggle with task switching to the point that it is difficult, and sometimes next-to-impossible for them to be able to get to the bathroom in a timely manner. It's not because they can't feel the need to go, it's not because they're doing something so fun and just can't quit. They could have been quietly sitting on the sofa, doing nothing, and when that urge hits, they Just. Can't. Do. It. And they were properly medicated! They were in therapy! So it wasn't a matter of trying hard enough, it was a matter of their brain does not work like other brains and there is no safe, sustainable, non-traumatic way to make a neurodiverse brain work neurotypically.

I have known people with ADHD who struggle from severe sleep disorders that no amount of medication or sleep hygiene or anything else could shift. Because of this, it was literally impossible for them to hold a job, or go to school, or anything that required any sort of time management or stakes. They couldn't drive, certainly, it was far too dangerous because they were prone to falling asleep. Not everyone has access to reliable public transportation, and a lot of times, public transport just...doesn't go the places people need it to.

I have known people with ADHD who, for any scenario you can come up with, had absolutely no way to "overcome" the barrier, because the barrier is that there is no safe, sustainable, non-traumatic way to make a neurodiverse brain work neurotypically. Some were medicated, some were not. Some were in therapy, some were not. Some were in varying states of both.

I sometimes am that person with ADHD; one of my worst examples is that I, too, should not be allowed to drive because while I wasn't medicated, I couldn't even remember what colour the light was for long enough to not just drive right through it if there were no other cars, and where I live definitely has red light cameras. Even while medicated, I can't drive if there's another person in the car because it's too distracting (terrifying for you and the other passengers) or because I hyperfocus on what's right in front of me, trying to be careful, and will drive through a seemingly empty red light and not see that there's cross traffic. I made it through school because I could do my degree 100% remote (it was intended for working people, but I benefitted from it too) and I had to devote myself to it like it was my full-time job just to graduate. But I can't work, because so far, no amount of medication and therapy has been able to make my brain work the way neurotypicals demand.

ADHD isn't just some sort of like weird inability to focus that we can just turn off if we try hard enough. It's not about can't sit still until we find inner peace and can. It's not about struggling with task switching until we try hard enough that we can suddenly do it. It's not hyperfocus until we just relax enough to get out of it. The point is that it never, ever stops and these struggles can mix and match in really weird ways that don't necessarily look like what you think ADHD is. It is, at its most basic, my brain does not work like the majority of other people's brains and I can't make it do that in a safe, sustainable, non-traumatic way, no matter how much you want me to.

The only thing that truly helps the greatest number of people reliably is compassion and accommodation, and no one is ever going to be 100% what neurotypicals want. That's it. We have to live with it, and so do you. Asking us to try to rewire everything in a way that doesn't exist for your own convenience is monstrous, especially when compassion and acommodation are easier and far kinder.

There is no cure for ADHD, and there shouldn't need to be.

The thing about ADHD is that the "lack of reward chemicals in your brain" doesn't just mean that you don't want to do any tasks that don't feel particularly yummy :(, it means that your brain will look at chores and tasks that need to be done like "doing this would be painful and tedious for absolutely nothing to gain from it, Do Not Do That." The same thing that your brain tells you about everything else that would feel really bad and hurt the entire time that you're dying. The part of your brain that stops you from doing the thing is the same part that keeps you from shoving your arm into a wood chipper.

With unmedicated, unmanaged ADHD, "I have to do this assignment or I fail and my life will be ruined and I die" feels like a SAW trap, every single time.

[howdoyousleep3]

Pairing: 3DWD/Bunny Baby Rating: Mature Word Count: 2.7K Tags: Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Power Dynamics, New Relationship, Confession of Feelings, Origin Story, Groping, Office "Sex", Orgasm Denial, Teasing, Age Difference, Size Kink, Yearning (oh the yearning, the chase!) A/N: Woke up one morning thinking about them, couldn't stop myself from pouring it all out into a doc. I don't think about their beginnings enough. I hope you enjoy. ❤️

Bucky suspects something is amiss when he feels more eyes on him than he’s used to as he walks into the office after lunch. 

Truthfully, he’s used to eyes on him wherever he goes, but he’s not used to the silence. 

Hmm. 

He carries on down the hallway towards his office, unbothered yet curious. He quickly stops to check in with Pepper, confirming their outing with their newest client to the nearby fabric district. Bucky is grateful she seems as excited as she is; it’s always thrilling to take on a new client and start a project from the ground up. 

He turns and heads towards his office, fully intending on spending the next hour he has before their outing ensuring his deliveries and meeting times at the Romanoff house later tonight are squared away, when he stops in his tracks. 

The second and final clue that something is amiss. 

He’s embarrassed to admit it, to recognize it. 

Steve is here. 

Bucky can smell him. That overwhelming and intoxicating smell of masculinity, of ruggedness. Cinnamon, sandalwood, citrus; it drives Bucky insane that he can’t pinpoint what the notes are. Steve has claimed he doesn’t wear a cologne. Bucky calls bullshit. 

Nobody smells that good, naturally and without any help. 

Nobody. 

The smell of Steve in his office building, on his floor, nearby, immediately puts him on edge. He wills his knees to keep him upright even when his body and mind want to cave immediately. There’s no way Steve is here. Bucky must be imagining it, his subconsciousness conjuring up the smell in his mind in order to distract him, in order to force Bucky to think of Steve when he’s convinced himself he doesn’t want to. 

No, he won’t be distracted by a crush, by a one-night-stand. 

He reaches for his keys, opens his office door with ease— 

And nearly falls to the floor. 

Steve is here. In his office, standing at his office window seemingly admiring the view of the city just outside it. 

What is Steve doing here? More importantly, how did he get into Bucky’s office? 

When Steve turns to look at him, expression riddled with proud mischievousness, Bucky immediately takes pause. He can’t let Steve think he has the upper hand even though he’s surprised Bucky at his place of work. He can’t let Steve’s sweet talking ways and his rugged sex appeal chip away at Bucky’s self-control and boundaries. 

This is unacceptable. 

But Christ, Steve looks good. 

He looks better than good— he looks sexy as hell. 

His beard is neatly trimmed, his hair infuriatingly windswept. He looks as if he’s come off the farm after a long day's work: well-worn jeans, a navy blue henley that clings to the bulk in his arms, a pair of reliable boots. A leather bomber jacket with a sherpa collar is tossed carelessly across one of the chairs opposite of Bucky’s desk. The ensemble’s sticker price would send Bucky reeling into a coma, but one would never know it. 

He’s certain Steve doesn’t even know how much his clothes cost and that’s because he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have to care. And the thought of Steve not caring about price tags is enough to ratchet up the arousal Bucky is trying uselessly to ignore. 

Stay strong. 

“Hey, Bunny…” 

Fuck. 

Bucky’s willpower clings to its existence. 

Bucky takes a deep breath, steps into his office, and closes the door behind him. He ignores Steve’s pet name for him even though it digs under his skin in the hottest of ways. Nobody has ever given him a pet name. Bucky doesn’t do pet names, is too strong-willed and confident for them. No partner has ever babied him or given him sweet names or worshipped the ground he walks on. 

Steve did it from the moment they locked eyes. 

Bucky sends out feelers for his willpower, questions if it even exists when it comes to Steve. 

“What are you doing here?” is all Bucky can damn near choke out. He steels his spine and walks to his desk, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. 

When he chances a glance up and over at Steve, he nearly whimpers. Fuck, he’s so sexy, Bucky can barely stand to look at him. 

Steve shrugs. 

“I was in the area, thought I’d stop by.” 

A lie, one that Bucky can call him out on. 

“No you weren’t. There’s nothing around here that would interest you.” 

Steve chuckles and the noise goes right to Bucky’s groin. 

“You interest me,” he says matter of factly, pushing away from the window. “Thought I made that pretty clear, Buck.” 

Bucky swallows audibly, makes a show of turning his computer on. 

Yeah, pretty fucking clear. The older man has all but professed his love for Bucky, sent him endless gift deliveries, whispered his affection and awe into Bucky’s skin, laid himself bare and—

Stop. 

No sex, don’t think about sex with Steve, god. 

“How’d you get in here?” Bucky presses, ignoring the hot press of Steve’s presence against the line of his back.

He can sense Steve’s easy grin even if he doesn’t chance another look up at him. 

“I sweet talked my way in. I’m pretty good at sweet talkin’. Ain’t that right, Bun?” 

He doesn’t think Steve understands the power of his sweet talking ways, even as he jokes about it. 

Bucky thinks he’s sweating, can feel the drops of it pooling in the curve of his lower back, can feel it on his upper lip. It’s embarrassing. He can command a boardroom, lead a design team, walk confidently through rooms, homes, exhibits he himself has designed. He’s confident, overly so, is bossy and demanding and overbearing. 

And here he is crumbling under the mere words of Steve Rogers, a man ten years his senior who has been relentlessly chasing after him ever since their first date. 

This is what Bucky gets for sleeping with Steve on their first date. But fuck, who could blame him? 

Bucky feels as if he’s going into heat. 

When Bucky turns to admittedly flee from his office and demand security come take Steve from it, he runs right into the familiar wall of packed muscle. The older man doesn’t even hesitate; he grabs onto Bucky confidently and purposefully. 

“It’s easy to get what I want, Buck. I’m a man who’s used to getting what he wants,” Steve murmurs, a mitt for a hand cupping the back of Bucky’s head, the second pulling Bucky snugly against his front by his lower back. 

When their bodies meet, sex is all Bucky can think about. 

“That’s why I’m so frustrated with how difficult it’s been to get the thing I want most,” Steve tells him, his voice taking on a gravely edge that damn near sends Bucky under. “I appreciate a good chase, I love good back and forth. But goddamnit, Buck— what the fuck are you makin’ me wait around for?” 

Bucky feels the burn of shame in the form of a blush build on his neck.

The thing is, Bucky doesn’t have a good answer and he’s ironically afraid to admit that he’s scared. This isn’t traditional, this isn’t normal, what he shares with Steve. Their age difference is surely to be frowned upon, Steve’s position as a CEO will surely make it seem to others as if Bucky is just wanting into his pockets. 

More prevalent and more difficult to admit is that Bucky’s not used to Steve’s treatment of him. 

He doesn’t think he’s deserving of Steve’s treatment. He doesn’t know what to do with his attention and his affection and the way he wants to surround Bucky with an endless flow of devotion. 

Steve’s fingers tighten in his hair and Bucky all but moans, bringing his hands up to curl his fingers into the front of Steve’s shirt. He wants to curl his lips up in a snarl when his fingers find their way into the fuzz just underneath said shirt. 

“I won’t have you denying us something good because you want to be stubborn. I won’t have you stopping us from having each other because you’re afraid.”

Bucky does what he does best when he’s backed into a corner— push. 

“I don’t want you,” he weakly attempts, the words making his gut churn and his throat burn, his body rejecting them immediately. 

Steve smiles, crowds Bucky further against his desk. 

“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, Bunny,” he turns and whispers into Bucky’s ear, their bodies curling tightly together. Steve easily pulls Bucky into him, a hand on his nape and now an arm around his lower back, reminding Bucky what Steve does to his body. 

Just the presence of Steve, the press and bend of their bodies together, does something to Bucky that he’s never experienced with someone else. 

When Steve squeezes at his nape, pulling Bucky’s attention upwards, the older man’s exhale sounds like a groan. 

Bucky’s vision blurs when he feels Steve’s growing and impressive erection dig into his belly. 

“You’ll learn not to lie to your Daddy over time,” Steve tells him, breath hot on Bucky’s mouth. The title goes right to Bucky’s own growing erection, arousal shooting through his body hot like lightning, his mouth dropping open to let a whine easily slip out. 

“You may try to lie to me now, but your pretty little body can’t lie to me, oh no. Sweetheart, your body can’t lie to me. Just look at’chu…”

Bucky is finding it more and more difficult to remember why he’s spent weeks denying Steve another chance with him. Steve’s hands feel like magic on his body, like Bucky can drop the facade and feel. And once Bucky’s eyes lock with Steve’s ocean ones, they drive that point home even further— 

Let go. 

Unsurprisingly, Steve sees the internal waver. 

“There he is,” Steve coos, deliciously pursing his lips around Bucky’s bottom one. “There’s who I’ve been chasing.”

Steve presses another hot kiss to his mouth, Bucky’s knees buckling. 

“Who I’m done chasing.” 

Another long and hot kiss that Bucky helplessly moans into this time. 

“Who I want.”

Just when Steve dips his tongue into the next set of kisses he gives Bucky, he trails his lips down the column of Bucky’s neck, sucking his way down it. Bucky doesn’t even fight the way his eyes roll back into his head.

“Want is an understatement— I’m damn near obsessed. You may be afraid to show your true feelings or give into this, but I’m not, Bun. I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. Everything I do in a day I wonder what it would be like to do it with you by my side. When I go to sleep, I want you there. When I wake up, I want you there.” 

“Steve…” 

“When I touch my cock, I want you there. Fuck, do I want you and your tight, little bunny ass there.” 

It’s as if he’s lost all sense of himself as Bucky hears those words. He curls his fingers around Steve’s thick neck at the same time he moves to wind his legs mindlessly around Steve’s stocky waist. He knows Steve will hold him, that Daddy won’t let him fall, and he’s proven right when Steve does just that with a heavy exhale. He gathers Bucky easily up into his hands, obviously appreciating the feel and weight of Bucky in them, before sitting him on top of his own desk. 

“Christ, I miss you, Buck,” he tells him in between kisses, hands holding onto either side of Bucky’s face. “Tell me you miss me too, baby.” 

Bucky’s moan grates against the front of his throat. 

“I miss you,” Bucky murmurs, reaching for Steve’s tongue with his own. “I miss you so much, Daddy.” 

Steve groans into Bucky’s mouth. 

“Fuck yeah, missed that. Missed the hell outta that. Lemme hear it again, Bun.”

Easily, eagerly.

“Daddy…” 

Bucky lets out every ounce of pent up want and need he’s been ignoring over the past weeks and pours it into that word. He digs his fingers into Steve’s shirt, yanking at it until his hands meet the warm skin of his stomach, pulling at the older man until Bucky’s hands slide easily around to his muscled back.

Steve’s skin is so shockingly warm it forces another moan out of Bucky’s throat.

As someone who runs cold, he misses that warmth. 

“You’re such a fuckin’ brat,” Steve mumbles between kisses before he’s smirking. “We’re gonna have so much fun together.” 

Bucky is more than ready to let Steve fuck him on his own desk, in his own office. The thrill of being chased by someone he’s so wildly attracted to combined with the surprise of him showing up at Bucky’s office to confess his feelings has Bucky feeling like a live wire. His dick is so hard his balls ache, Steve’s hands on his body coaxing noises of pleasure out of him that others are sure to hear. 

If they saw Steve walk in though, they shouldn’t be surprised by what’s happening in here. 

He turns his cheek and bites at Steve’s bearded jawline, reaching for the older man’s belt buckle, fingers digging into his zipper to feel the pushback against the metal. 

“You got a party tonight?” 

Bucky is too distracted by the feel of Steve’s thick cock beneath the denim of his jeans to register his question. 

It’s a bite on Bucky’s own chin that pulls him back into his brain. 

“What?”

“Don’t you have a Christmas party tonight?” 

“How…how do you know about that?” 

Steve’s teeth catch Bucky’s bottom lip between them. Bucky’s toes curl in his dress shoes. 

“Pepper told me about it.”

Of course she did. 

“I’ll pick you up at 8.” 

What? 

Bucky’s vision may be blurred, but he’s certain Steve is pulling away, suddenly widening the gap between them. His dick aches something fierce between his legs, yearning for Steve’s touch, Steve’s mouth, Steve. 

“What?” Bucky asks, unable to hide his breathlessness, running a hand down and over his mouth. 

Steve’s reached his jacket now and he turns to Bucky, slipping his arms into it. 

He barely looks affected by their office rendezvous at all. 

“I’ll pick you up at eight at your place. Make sure you pack a bag; you’re comin’ home with me tonight.”

Bucky resists the urge to collapse back onto his desk. 

“Are you…are you insane?” Bucky huffs, doing nothing to disguise his annoyance at being left in his office to deal with his own erection. He watches through half-lidded eyes as Steve walks back over to him, stepping between Bucky’s spread legs and reaching for his throat. 

“You thought I’d come in here, profess my love, and give you my cock?” 

Bucky’s neck goes lax at the word love, but he curls his lip anyway. 

“Yes?” 

Steve chuckles happily into his last set of smacking kisses before squeezing at the fingers around Bucky’s throat. 

Fuck. 

“Daddy’s got a lot to teach you.” 

He gives Bucky’s cheek a light smack. 

“You make sure and wear somethin’ pretty for me, you hear?”

Bucky doesn’t argue. His heart slams against his ribs. He hears Steve at the door of his office. 

“I’ll have what I want you to wear underneath it sent over.” 

Bucky not-so-slowly collapses backwards onto his desk, chest falling and rising rapidly, dick throbbing in time with it. 

“I’ll see you soon, Bun. Don’t ignore my calls.” 

And just as surprisingly as he showed up, Steve’s gone, leaving Bucky a damn near hyperventilating mess atop his once pristine desk. 

With too much to think about, Bucky focuses on settling his breathing, on easing the ache in his dick without the time or place to take care of himself. When the absurdity of the situation hits him, when the full force of his crush on Steve makes him kick his feet where he lies, Bucky giggles. 

And once he starts, he can’t stop. 

Steve was right— they’re going to have so much fun together.

[gothicscorpiohub]

Drained Out

Pairing: Ex Boyfriend Loki x Reader

Summary: Y/n was the strongest person one could ever meet but this strength hides something very painful.

Warnings: Mentions of torture, break-up with loki, seizure, angst, fluff

I never realised how my breath was turning heavy, how sweat was making my heated skit cold. I wished my tears could fall, just to ease the pain. They won't. I am such a sucker at showing emotions. Blood was speedily rushing through my ears, the sound of my sharp inhaled couldn't be heard. My chest tightened incredibly. All the feelings I packed away from months haunting me.

The terrors of my past were slowly returning. Suddenly I was again on the rotten planet, Thanos prying into my mind, testing my mental stability fragment by fragment, trying to find the stones I knew the location of. Those torments before I ran to midgard. I subsided my traumatic condition to be strong, because it wasn't the time to show emotions, it never is. I never showed a flicker of hurt,or a glimpse of the torment I had been through, not even myself.

I met Loki on Midgard. I saw a reliable partner in him. We fell in love, he was the most loving person I had ever met. We were so happy but as our relationship escalated, things were on a deeper level. And that was the deepest part of me that I locked away. The part which never came in light, never healed. And when you don't heal, you bleed repeatedly.

We broke-up.

I locked that devastation in my heart too, not allowing more than a single tear running down my eye that night. Engrossed myself in heavy tasks, to never think of how messed up I was inside. But then the locked up part started getting worse. I cannot control it any longer.

And here I was, lying on the cold hard floor. Desperately needing to be held close by him, the one I hurt. Loki had been there for me whenever he sensed my discomfort, and I just pushed him out. I could never imagine how he would have felt. My hands shake as I muster up strength to pick my phone from the couch above me. My eyes blurry with tears as I call him.

_________________________________________

Loki rushed to her house, his heart pounding fast. It sank to his stomach when he found her on the floor in the living room, sniffling and eyes red from crying. In an instant he was by her side, pulling her on his lap.

"Y-you came?" She weakly whispered while sniffling.

"You called, Love" He answered, holding her close to his chest. It was then her dam broke loose. "I'm sorry Loki, I am sorry, so damn sorry." Her sobs broke his heart. "I love you, darling. I'm glad you called" she hid her face in his neck, hands holding his shirt tightly as she cries. He just holds her tightly through it all. Slowly her sobs calmed into soft whimpers

"You've been so strong, Love. Let me take care of you please." His soothing voice was bringing comfort to her trembling stature.mShe nods and snuggles into his chest as he picks her up and walks to her bedroom. Tucking her in bed. His heart warmed at the sight of her. Relishing the way she was allowing him to comfort her, to be with her again.

"Please stay" she mumbled softly. Still feeling drained from earlier.

"I'm right here love" he kissed her forehead tenderly

He slips in bed beside her and she snuggled into his chest once more. He flicks the light off with his magic and puts a warm blanket around them both.

"Loki?" She asked looking up.

"Hmm?"

"I love you"

"I love you too, darling"

"I'm sorry I- I pushed you away. Can you forgive me and bare with me again" she asked, her lower lip trembling again.

"I'd love nothing more. Now-now, sleep darling. We'll talk tomorrow"

___________________________________

I'm again alive. Not quite but yay! Requests are always open, response may delay.

[enbyboiwonder]

I feel like adhd bored is different than neurotypical bored because like. You don’t understand. I have a billion things I could be doing. I turn on the tv. I stare at the Netflix screen for five minutes. Flip through shows and movies for the next thirty minutes. Nothing looks good. I put in a video game. Play for two minutes. Not feeling it. I load up YouTube. Watch half a video before closing the app. Maybe I’ll read a book? I stare at my giant bookshelf. The thought of starting a new book seems too hard. I lay in bed and play phone games for six hours. Nothing has gotten done. Still bored.

[alexanderwales]

The worst thing about creative AI right now is that it produces bad results. The writing is bad, the images are bad, and the video is bad. It's impressive, sometimes, that the technology works as well as it does, but it's still bad.

I think if you sit down and go through a few hundred generations, then tweak and edit and inpaint and think intently, you can sometimes get something worth putting in front of people, if you have the right eye for it. I could definitely edit up an AI-written short story into something worth reading, especially if I was the one who had fed it the prompt and gone through the work of having my own ideas to insert. I think at least part of the output would be the AI's, and I could carve away everything that was nonsense or just bad, leaving only a few turns of phrase or some general boilerplate structure ... and this would take more time and effort than just writing the thing myself.

Most people who use generative AI do not want to do any work, and in fact, have no conception of what work would be required. Most of them are consumers, not producers, and they're used to the modes of content consumption, where you don't look closely at the details. Generative AI, in its current state, just kind of sucks when you're in a "press button, get results" mindset.

The stuff generated by "press button, get results" is the vast, vast majority of AI art that you will see, even accounting for filtering effects. There are a lot of people who have no love of artistry producing artwork via machines that are not good at making artwork, sometimes just for a lark, sometimes with profit in mind, and it's threatening to drown out other stuff in spite of being bad.

This is my thesis: generative AI produces bad results, and this is possibly the worst thing about it. If it were able to produce good results, I think that a lot of people would be less opposed to it. If you could get a short story that was worth reading, or a picture worth looking at, for no additional effort of manipulation or prompt engineering or whatever else, then we would be flooded with good art instead of bad art.

When it comes to art, I care about how it makes me feel, and what it's trying to say, and where the intent is, and what ideas it has. AI is not there. Possibly it will never get there. But sometimes I see a picture that the AI has made, and I do feel something in the sweep of the lines, or the composition, or just the juxtaposition of elements. It's just really really rare, and the product of either chance or really careful work on the part of some human. It's not something that the AI can do reliably, at least at the moment. You can also quibble about intent, because the AI "has none", but I find beauty in nature too, which is not trying to make a statement with its sunsets, and whose intents, if they can be said to exist, are mostly about things that are orthogonal to my perceptions, like the plumage of a sparrow or the curved leaves of a fern. To me, art is art because of the way that it can be read and the emotions that I feel when I look at it. Contentious, I'm sure, but I don't find other definitions all that useful.

But the art that the AI makes is, unless expertly guided, bad. And there's a ton of it, and it's impacting the ability of real artists to make superior work.

I think the future I see, if the AI doesn't get better, is one where we have a bunch of cheap shit that's replaced a lot of good expensive things. I am in favor of cheap things, but I'm not in favor of shit. I would love for translation to be as simple as pressing a button. I would love to have a good painting to go with every chapter I write. But we're in a world where the results mostly suck unless you're willing to put in quite a bit of effort and have some expertise in a field of creative endeavor, and that means we're in a world where the products are bad.

I'm interested to see how the conversation shifts if the results start getting better, because that seems to me like one of the sticking points.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch!

What advice would you give for someone who is interested in trying penetrative sex one day, but utterly terrified at the prospect of any chance, no matter how small, of becoming pregnant?

It’s a genuine phobia for me, and a big part of why I considered myself sex-repulsed as an asexual for a while, when I was really closer to neutral but was too terrified to try anything. Logically, I know things like condoms are fairly reliable, but there’s still that chance, you know?

hi anon,

in addition to condoms I'd definitely recommend looking into your options for hormonal birth control. IUDs have a failure rate of a little under 1%, which can be decreased even further by using them with another form of contraception like external or internal condoms (which go on the penis or inside of the vaginal cavity respectively; both are effective but Do Not use them together). it may also help your peace of mind to have some emergency contraceptive like Plan B on hand (when stored properly, it's shelf stable for up to four years!) or even make sure you have an actionable plan + emergency funds set aside for the worst case scenario of an unwanted pregnancy, whether it's an in-clinic abortion or a self-managed abortion at home. it can be scary to think about, but learning about your options and knowing that you have a plan in place + the ability to carry it out if the worst comes to pass can help make the risk much less daunting.

if you want to get really heavy duty with it you may want to look into the option of being medically sterilized. there are a number of options for people with vaginal reproductive systems, including bilateral salpingectomy, tubal litigation, or having the ovaries and/or uterus fully removed. it's expensive and can be difficult at times to find surgeons willing to perform these procedures on people who are still of reproductive age, but if you're set on it and able to afford it then it seems like a reasonable option to pursue for your satisfaction and peace of mind.

there are also plenty of ways of having penetrative sex that don't carry any risk of pregnancy, if those speak to you: toys and fingers can penetrate just as well as a penis, and there's always anal.

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Idia Shroud - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Look at all these dynamic brushstrokes that can only truly be appreciated because they're from a real painting… Fheehee! This is the real thrill of seeing one live!

Idia: ―Ah! Th-Th-Th-This is…! A PAINTING OF THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD ON HIS CHARIOT!!!

Idia: It hits so hard～ In order to rescue a captured comrade, the king himself rushes to the front lines… Oooowee～ Doesn't that just get your heart pumpin'?

???: Indeed… However, is it appropriate for a dutiful commander to leave his base and head to the front lines?

Idia: Eeek!!! Silver-shi!? D-Don't just cut in when I'm talking to myself like that. This is why I can't deal with extroverts…

Silver: My apologies for startling you. I found your comment to be interesting, so I could not help but chime in.

Idia: E-Even if you think it's interesting, don't you think your impression of him was pretty shallow just from this one anecdote...?

Silver: Meaning?

Idia: I-If he was just a minister or something, he coulda just split after setting up the strategy, leaving it to his subordinates to execute everything.

Idia: But he still went to such a dangerous place to stir up morale, because that mission would be the linchpin of the whole battle. So, basically…

Idia: That means his responsibility meter is through the roof!! Wheeew, he's a totally different breed than any naïve and useless politician who just hoists their title around.

Silver: So you're saying that he himself went out there because it was a crucial situation. I would say that he does have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, indeed.

Silver: Hearing your opinion on the matter has allowed me to delve deeper into understanding this painting and its story. You are quite wise.

Idia: S-Sure, yeah～! You should follow my example and study up on things a little better, Silver-shi!

Silver: I will do just that. …However, it feels as though what you said about how other leaders may act had some weight behind it.

Silver: I had heard that you took up the title of Housewarden after being recommended by the previous Housewarden...

Silver: Was that because you had had previous experience as a leader, and were thus therefore chosen for the position?

Idia: Huh!? N-No, nuh-uh, wut are you even talking about? No way, no way… 'Sides, I'm more of a solo player even in my online games, y'know?

Idia: I mean, sometimes I've taken the lead of a party when I absolutely had to for a raid, or something…

Silver: As I expected, you do have experience in leadership.

Idia: It's not that big a deal… I mean, I got a reliable battle buddy who tanks and usually takes the lead.

Idia: Generally, I go for healing or DPS roles. Or more like, I just stack as many buffs as I can to increase firepower.

Idia: But it's not like our schedules always line up, so whenever he's not around, I take the lead… Because I have to!

Idia: It's usually the high-level players with great skills that take on the leader role. And in that case, I've basically maxed out all my stats in every position, so…

Idia: And I can grasp what the scenarios call for, see? And I can also play the tank roles to take charge on the front lines, right???

Idia: "Thanks to you, I was able to clear this high-level quest! I'm so thankful to have joined this party!"

Idia: …THEY SAY, ELECTING ME MVP OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Idia: And I was just taking on the leader role because I had to. I'm just way too good…

Silver: So, those who fought alongside you showered you with gratitude. That just proves even further your leadership capabilities.

Idia: I-I wouldn't go that far― …Or maybe, just a little bit further? H-Hee Fheeheeheehee!

Idia: But also, I don't want to deal with failing a quest because some loser was placed in charge, so.

Idia: So I guess next time I have to put together a party, if my friend isn't available, I'll just have to lead them all again!

Idia: Wheeew, it's hard being so awesome～!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Silver: This is a painting of a lion, warthog, and a meerkat, I see. The three of them are singing a song and seem to get along well.

Idia: Ain't they waaay too upbeat, to be able to sing while walking like that? Like, this painting shows the lion crown prince that was forced to leave his own country…

Idia: It's showing him singing along with some friends he ended up making, while he tries to ignore that pain, right?

Idia: Lucky him, that they chose to glorify his hiatus from his royal duties like this. Tch!

Silver: I've heard that singing can raise one's spirits. Perhaps they all wanted to brighten their own moods.

Idia: Speaking of singing to take your mind off stuff, there was this one time when I was a kid when my little brother was too scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night…

Idia: So we would go there while singing the theme song of our favorite anime together.

Idia: Eh, anyway, whatever their reason for singing, having that moon in the background composition like that's super moving. Kinda like what you'd see in an MV.

Silver: Em-vee…?

Idia: Eh… Y-You don't know what a music video is? It's a video recording that goes along with music and lyrics…

Silver: Ah, so you call those MVs. I understand.

Idia: I-If you feel like checking out some MVs sometime, I'd recommend the idol group "Precipice Moirai."

Idia: Premo's MVs are so awesome that you could watch them 100 times and never tire of them…!

Silver: 100 times… That's quite a lot. Is that generally something you'd watch so often?

Idia: A true fan would absolutely! More like, it's way too insolent to think that you could truly appreciate their MV with only one watch!

Idia: The first watch is all about enjoying the song and video in its entirety. The next three times the focus is shifted to checking out each of the three members' dance moves and expressions one by one.

Idia: Next, there's the actual composition of the MV, and digging deep into the actual message of the video… At a minimum, it should be watched ten times.

Idia: On top of all that, Premo's super casual MVs can put even a film director to shame!

Idia: There's no way to fully comprehend their art with only a couple viewings. That's why it needs to be viewed hundreds of times.

Silver: I had no idea their work was that deep… It may prove useful in training me better in emotional expressions, and perhaps could even be incorporated into the academy's music courses.

Idia: N-No, I mean, you don't gotta go that far… But it's great that you know just how awesome they are.

Idia: Even between us Premo fans, there's always those who still don't understand their art at all…

Idia: Every time a new MV comes out, there's always people saying stuff like, "She got the most screen time," or "She's definitely the manager's favorite," and the like…

Idia: But does that have anything to do with the quality of their work? It doesn't, right? They don't care about understanding the heart or essence of the songs.

Silver: I see… I feel as though I have learned a lot from you, Idia-senpai.

Silver: When we return to campus, I will look into, hm… Premo? Yes, Premo's music videos.

Idia: Eh, no way!? S-S-Seriously!? They have all their latest MVs on their official Magicam account!

Idia: P-PLEASE WATCH THEM! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Ooh, here's the Sea Witch floating in the darkness… She's got a nice, bewitching smile going, too.

Silver: This is a painting depicting the scene of when the Sea Witch drew up a contract.

Silver: If I recall, it was said that the contract was so unbreakable that even a powerful spear couldn't rip through it.

Idia: I mean, you'd think that just having a contract that doesn't tear apart or bleed ink in water is strong enough...

Silver: Perhaps the contents of the contract was dire enough she did not wish it broken.

Idia: Who cares about the contents, the material of the contract is way more interesting. How high of a defense stat did it even have to not get ripped up by a spear?

Idia: But I totally get it, everyone wants to make invincible things every so often.

Silver: I cannot say I understand, but… What sort of thing would you make, Idia-senpai?

Idia: Like a "game console power cord that can never be taken away," or something like that… A-Actually, I tried to make something like that when I was a kid.

Idia: Whenever I'd play video games all day and into night, my mother would end up hiding all my cords.

Idia: If all she did was hide them, I could just make myself a new one, but she'd hide the cord materials as well. Totally overboard!

Idia: So I had a thought. I had to do something so she couldn't hide it!

Silver: I can only imagine your mother was concerned for your health… Did you never consider quitting your games?

Idia: Why would I? Ahh, but I really did burn the midnight oil like a little worker bee back then.

Idia: Like, I'd put a motion sensor on it, so that the cord could automatically run away from whoever was holding it...

Idia: Or I'd make the cord transparent so it couldn’t be found, or attach a homing function to it so it'd come back on its own…

Idia: And finally, after many failed attempts… I finally did it…!

Idia: I MADE A TRANSPARENT POWER CORD THAT ONLY RECOGNIZES THE AUTHORIZED USER!!

Silver: I do not really comprehend what that is, but… It is amazing that you invented something with your own two hands.

Idia: Nope, not at all.

Idia: My family also has a real stubborn genius, and every time I came up with some tech, it'd quickly get shot down by some kind of countermeasure...

Idia: And it took me a few months of that game of cat and mouse before I realized I should just convert my game console to wireless.

Idia: Hmph… But the peace and quiet that came from switching to wireless didn't last long at all...

Idia: Soon after, the Final Boss appeared: a device capable of disabling all wireless tech within a 10-meter radius!

Idia: Well, all the experience I got developing the motion sensing and automatic functions helped when I was putting Ortho together…

Idia: So I guess all that trial and error wasn't for nothing.

Silver: Even if you can picture your ideal outcome, it is rather difficult to actually put into action.

Silver: However, you have made real many of your thoughts. I can respect that.

Idia: Wai― What're you trying to say all a sudden? Getting complimented to my face randomly like that is a little scary… W-Wait, is this all a plot to beguile me!?

Silver: A plot? ...Hm, I see it has gotten late. I have kept you for some time. My apologies.

Silver: I am grateful to have heard such wonderful stories from you. Well then, I shall be on my way.

Idia: Whew… I'm exhausted having to actually talk to people for the first time in a while… Ah, this is…

Idia: It's the hero from that one myth. Look at his sparkling expression… He looks like he totally believes the future ahead of his is bright.

Idia: Life doesn't always go as swimmingly as you hope, though… Hope he doesn't get too excited that he gets carried away by the river of the underworld!

Requested by Anonymous.

[artilite]

ohhhh my gogfh. oh my good gracious ohh man. oh stars oh gems etc etc etc sorry for the spam on your lion dance post i didn’t realize until after going INSANE over it that it’s from like five months ago but again i. i saw it and went insane. genuinely one of my favourite things any isat creator has done to date thank you SO MUCH for the joy and whimsy im running up the WAAAALLS

NOOO NEVER APOLOGIZE I WAS SO SO HAPPY SEEING YOUR TAGS-- it's always a delight seeing other lion dance enthusiasts bc they feel so few and far between :') THANK YOU SO MUCHH AJDHAK !!! also OOF, PASSAGE OF TIME? i promised myself i'd properly revisit lion dance isat one day.. perhaps soon.....

i hope you don't mind me piggybacking off this ask to share my reasoning for their roles :^) i realize i never shared it anywhere JSDHSF (long post under cut) (there's art i promise)

the lion: siffrin and isa!! of course!! The base of a lion usually needs to be strong and steady, traits that fit isabeau very well :) i think he'd also appreciate being reliable/having to be relied on so much, and supporting sif in putting themselves out there in performance. Siffrin also probably weighs like, nothing to him, so that's a plus LOL.

Siffrin would be the head, not only bc they're quick and agile, but also bc I think they'd give the lion a fun personality! I think having the costume to hide behind would help him come out of his shell more :] (and my personal hc is that the island is SE asian in some way, so a fun way to connect to his culture as well, even if he doesn't remember it </3)

i drew them with a fut san lion (just 'cause its easier for me LOL) but i think they'd perform hok san!

the buddha: loop... i think they'd appreciate the ability to look out for sif and isa and keep them safe, while also messing around and being part of the performance themself !! they'd love any opportunity to annoy siffrin anyway HSDJHSDF also something something... universe's cosmic joke being the comedic relief role......

drum: originally i gave the role of drummer to bonnie, but now i'd probably hand the role to either mirabelle, to carry over her leader position in the group, or odile, since she's the most senior member! definitely leaning towards mirabelle though. i like the idea of her being the heart of the party :)

other instruments: odile is on gong, based purely off of vibes. tell me odile wouldn't pop off with the gong. also, she's probably familiar with it already! bonnie gets symbols because that's JUST like banging pots and pans together, which i'm sure they have plenty of. honestly, they could just bang actual pots and pans together LOL. they'd have fun with it :)

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

With regard to donating to fund-raisers and the analogy to panhandlers, what do you make of the difference in scale that the internet makes possible? I absolutely agree with the underlying approach — I keep $40 in my wallet so that I always have a $20 to give to panhandlers I see — but there's a limit to how many dishonest panhandlers a person is likely to run into. Internet spam and scams are of a staggeringly larger scale; for example, the head of trust and safety for Dreamwidth has put the scale of these scam networks in the millions of accounts. Obviously vetting practises help a great deal, and I think initiatives like Crips For ESims For Gaza are great, but I'm a little bit hung up on the analogy to in-person panhandling when the scale is so different.

Disclaimer: my tone may sound harsh here, I am having trouble softening my words one this right now, but I truly mean no frustration towards you and really appreciate this question as an opportunity continue this conversation in the Commons constructively

I mean. Make a budget for it?

Like. I've said this before, but given I've decided to hunker down in this foxhole, let's do it again.

All my life I've had a panhandling budget because I came from a family where you simply didn't say no to such requests if you didn't have to. But much like the tired old analogy at this point, you can't help someone else put on an oxygen mask if you've passed out because you don't have enough oxygen yourself.

So my mom told me this was one of those places in life you set a boundary with yourself. Identify how much you can actually safely reliably spend towards financial redistribution, and set it aside in cash each pay period to give out.

My mom's approach was very first come, first served. Whoever asked her, she handed out all her cash. I found that when I was trying to create a similar routine for myself that this led to a constant exposure to people I couldn't serve at all. So I created "allotments". It became my routine to take out a $20 bill at my bank every pay period, and then have the teller give it to me in $5 bills. The first 4 people I met who asked for it got a fiver.

Then came the digital age. Cash wasn't the main way people asked for money anymore, and my fivers were simultaneously going farther and going nowhere at all for weeks on end, especially during the pandemic when I became largely housebound.

These days, I keep $10 cash in 2 fivers, and each pay period I restock it if it's been depleted, and add $10 to a digital distribution fund (I use money transfer apps like venmo, paypal, and cash app for parking this money until expenditure). My allotment is still the same, $5/ask. During low-density ask periods, I will donate my "excess" at the end of a 3month period to a bail fund or prison penpal program, and if there IS no excess, it's because I was able to distribute the funds myself.

They're not big donations, but a lot of the time I've been able to make them recurring. Obviously, genocide upon genocide upon pandemic upon genocide has meant that I rarely have excesses, and many asks have to go unanswered by me. At least if I want to keep my own household alive and well. And I've been told in the past that some even prefer getting my repeat small petty cash funds over getting larger one time donations.

It's still hard to be constantly exposed to desperate asks you can't answer, but when you treat it like a sustainability thing (this is a thing I can continue doing indefinitely vs this is a thing I can only sometimes do without hurting myself).

Like any budget, sometimes things get tight. Mine has been bigger and smaller at times and there have even been deeply painful periods where my budget was, legitimately, $0. But once that changed, I was right back to it.

The more the world changes, the more it stays the same I guess

[ernmark]

When I was in college, a friend of mine got a job at one of the campus help centers where they're supposed to help students who are struggling get their feet under them.

Based on his training there, he insisted that he wanted to have a similar session with me in order to Fix me.

(This speaks volumes about the help the other students were getting, I think.)

See, the entirety of his assistance was sitting with me and creating a nice, tidy little schedule for my life in fifteen-minute increments, with tidy little spots for daily workouts and weekly meal prep. And he kept getting frustrated with me for not being able to put my activities for the day in any order, or assign them specific periods of time, or being willing to commit to following this militant schedule to the letter.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I'm a writer-- I have no control over when the words come. Sometimes I'll be doing something Very Important and I'll have to put it on hold because if I don't write this line of dialogue down Right This Second it's going to make it impossible for me to focus at all. Sometimes I'll be staring at a blank word document for two hours and get a sentence and a half done. Sometimes it'll be three in the morning and I'll have been writing for five hours straight but I won't be able to sleep until I get it written.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I have debilitating depression, and sometimes it takes hours to gather enough energy just to get dressed.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I don't actually know how long something like cooking is going to take, because every recipe calls for completely different cook and prep time, and I can't predict what's going to be utterly unappetizing until I look in the fridge for that meal.

There was no accommodation for the fact that I have a sleep disorder, which between the depression and the rest, makes it damn well impossible to predict when I'll be able to start sleeping, or when I'd need to wake up in order to be rested.

And that's what it comes down to-- there was absolutely no leniency or accommodation for anything outside of that ultra-disciplined, hyper-regimented approach. There was no allowance made for neurodivergence or disability of any kind. Despite knowing me for years at that point, he couldn't understand why I just didn't Try Harder. Clearly I'd succeed if I just did it his way.

A few things that did actually help me, for the record:

When there's something that I Know is going to occupy the entirety of my brain until I do it, I just freakin' stop whatever else I'm doing and do it. In my case, that's usually writing down whatever bit is in my head, but also it can be getting out of bed to make sure I turned the stove off, or making sure I locked the door, or paying my credit card bills in the middle of the night, or whatever.

A lot of my executive dysfunction is exacerbated by sugar/protein levels, so I keep a supply of protein shakes on-hand. It doesn't necessarily fix my depressive episodes, but it gets me out of those loops where I can't do X until I do Y until I eat and I have to eat first because if I don't eat now then I won't be hungry for dinner and then blah blah blah.

On that note: I can't control when/how I sleep, but I can control how many meals I eat during a day and roughly when they happen. Eating regularly helps to make the rest of my natural rhythms a little more predictable.

I have a short list of foods that my household can reliably eat and try to keep the ingredients for that stocked.

I do actually do a little bit of scheduling-- I set aside a few-hour-block on two days of my week to work out. Not because I Must do it, but so that I'm not preoccupied with the constant background radiation of "I should be working out more". If it's not Monday or Friday, it's not going to happen.

Forgiving myself for not being at peak productivity levels at all times. My boss will get what I have it in me to give them, and not more. My writing might not be at its best all the time, but it's a hell of a lot better than a blank page. Pushing myself past my limits to adhere to an impossible standard only exacerbates all those other problems.

[pluralthey]

oh where is dawn from? and they’re both nonbinary right? could you share any info about dawn/devon’s relationship as well as keshet/outis’s, like how they got together, what they like about each other or what their dynamic is like, it’s so nice seeing how you portray different couples

minor other qs - what are your patreon tier benefits, i couldn’t really find them on the page itself

dawn is from the uk iirc and both dawn and devon are non-binary yes. i don't think i've fleshed them out enough to have a backstory for how they got together since they are side characters and it's kinda just a waste of time to develop supporting cast... i think that dawn likes devon's protectiveness, the way they seem to really pay attention to people and think about what they hear and observe and commit it to memory, and their strong moral drive that makes them reliable and predictable, but also easy to tease. if dawn is too fatigued to do something (which is frequent) devon is the kind of partner who is going to take care of it without needing to beg for the help. i think devon appreciates that dawn doesn't find them imposing or intimidating but also isn't trying to compete with them in some battle for dominance. dawn has a dry sense of humor that is easier to relax around than someone who is constantly trying to be a clown and avoid taking things seriously. they are generally easygoing but not impressionable and this works well for devon who is fairly bossy, because there is less headbutting without being a doormat. the biological compatibility between them is also a huge plus for both because they both want children who are genetically theirs. in particular i think they both value the others' qualities as potential parents as much as partners and how they'd compensate for their own weaknesses when rearing children. outis and keshet getting together i remember because i used to do character development streams.

tl;dr: outis in art school -> adderall addiction -> soliciting other college students for adderall -> meets keshet (also in college) -> keshet is attracted to outis's aura of confidence -> outis tells keshet that her girlfriend is trash (her girlfriend is trash) -> keshet breaks up with her girlfriend and feels more attached to outis for pointing it out -> outis has a heart attack and drops out -> they keep in touch and eventually start dating. they're both jewish, they're able to pass as straight, it would just work out for everybody if they gave it a shot so they did.

and i've drawn a comic about what they like in each other as well

now if i have to look at any more of my art from 2017 i'll have to kill myself unfortunately

[kirby-the-gorb]

we are about an hour into rare disease day in my timezone! (it's always the last day of february, whether that's the 28th or the 29th.) the true prevalence of mast cell disorders is unknown, as they are often misdiagnosed or ignored. and mast cell activation syndrome, the most prevalent kind of mast cell disorder, only had diagnostic criteria laid out for the first time in 2010. so whether or not it's truly rare is really up in the air!

(personally I suspect it is just aggressively underdiagnosed but I'm not a research scientist or diagnostician right now. and even if it is rare, it's gonna be a lot less so than it was 5 years ago as certain respiratory infections are known to trigger it into visibility. that's what happened to me when I got mono at the end of 2015, further compounded when I got covid in 2022.)

all chronically ill people face a lot of hurdles when it comes to seeking diagnosis, accommodation, and treatment (all of which can be severely complicated by any intersecting marginalities), but rare diseases present a special challenge.

for example, I have an immune disorder. my immune system does not like being alive, my mast cells are way too jumpy and throw a tantrum over every little thing. you'd think an immunologist would be the one to treat me, right?

I've had 6 immunology referrals rejected in the past 9 months alone. multiple major immunology clinics in my major city tied to a major research university outright refuse to see patients with "mcas" written anywhere in their chart.

after 8 years of being debilitatingly ill, and suspecting it was immune mediated for 6, and getting it confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt by the bone marrow biopsy last month, I will have my second ever appointment with an immunologist. another 2 1/2 months from now. the first immunologist lied to me about the reliability of the one available blood test, when I first came up with the hypothesis by myself 6 years ago, and forced me to abandon my (correct!!! now proven!!!) hypothesis for 3 entire years while we wandered around lost and got nowhere other than even more thorough process of elimination.

okay, well if my immune system is attacking me, maybe it's technically autoimmune? that's the rheumatologists instead of the immunologists, what do they have to say? dick all my dude, I don't have rheumatoid arthritis so they just shrug at me and go "idk, fibro? I don't know why you're here" and send me home with nothing. (I literally had a rheumatologist say to me, verbatim, "I don't know why you're here." buddy it's your job to read the chart and decide if I get seen or not, you tell me. at least he had a snazzy outfit.)

being chronically ill can be a terrible struggle no matter what, but a disease that is perceived as rare, accurate or not, adds a whole new layer of bullshit. (and of course there are much much rarer diseases out there, with even more hoops and dead ends and struggles and all-new layers of bullshit that even I don't have to deal with!)

anyway I'm having a shit time and using this awareness day as an excuse to productively bitch about it 👍

[lia404]

It doesn't happen a lot, but for once I'll be venting on main. Let's talk about fandoms and languages, in a very frustrated way.

Many time, I have found myself upset at and exhausted by the entitlement of native English speakers when everyone else is already making the effort to speak their language.

Try (and I'm not being a Yoda here, I don't even say to do it, just to even try) to speak my language, and then we'll talk about the terminology I use and the grammar mistakes I make. Don't you dare dogpile on me for using the wrong word when I'm clearly not native. No, I was not trying to insult anyone. Yes, what I said was wrong, but you can point it out in a didactic way without being aggressive, and you can acknowledge that we are not all equal in languages or in our abilities in learning English, the One Language To Rule Them All (with all the dark implications of the title.)

Heaven's sake. I know I'm sometimes missing nuances. I am painfully aware that I'l never speak or write like a native speaker, and I'll never grasp the full underlying meaning of some words. Especially when they are words that have evolved, that have become something else in the context of modern Internet, in a corner of the web that I don't visit, because most of my English interactions are in the context of fandoms.

I don't understand your memes. I don't understand your jokes. I likely never will, and I've given up on asking for explanations, because they usually come with even more ununderstandable jokes, sometimes borderline mockery.

And don't you dare tell me "but your English is so good! Don't worry!" because guess what? I know. I've been studying that language for 25 years. It's my fucking job. I am rather confident in the fact that I know English grammar better than most native English speakers. It doesn't mean I don't make stupid mistakes, and it doesn't make me a native speaker. No matter how hard I try, I will never, ever be a native speaker.

Day after day after day, I'm putting in the effort of thinking in a language that isn't mine, looking for hidden meanings and weighing every sentence because even after 25 years, they'll never come naturally. Day after day, interaction after interaction, I wonder if I'll accidentally insult someone because of an awkward, gauche phrasing.

And I write this while being fully conscious that I have the priviledge of being a native speaker of one of the colonising languages. There are tons of resources in my language.

"If you're not happy, then just don't go to English fandoms."

See, that's the thing. Fandom activity exists in my language, but not in the fandoms I'm in. But you know, maybe I will. Maybe I'll snap and populate a full niche fandom with stories that native English speakers can't understand in a glance, have to put in an effort to interact with. Maybe I'll make memes in my language that none of my mutuals can get. But in the end, it will just be like shouting in the void.

Because here's a reality: most English speakers never put in the effort. They see a foreign language, and move away. And if, by some sort of miracle, they actually want to try, then they are lucky to be able to count on automated translation. Machine translation tools are always trained on English first. Any language > English usually is the pair that has the most reliable results. The same cannot exactly be said about English > any language. And again, I acknowledge that I'm priviledged in such a case, because I'm native of a language that is well-covered.

But it will never be enough for international fandom interactions. Another uncomfortable reality: the globalisation of fandoms has led to erasure of most other languages in fan spaces. This one's going to be hard to reclaim.

So I adapt and I speak English and I write in English. Sometimes I read fanfics and I cry, because I stumbled upon a sentence that I know, even with the best efforts in the world, I would have never managed to come up with. Sometimes I realise that between my job and my fandom activities, English has become such a huge part of my life that I'm losing my own mother tongue, that my phrasing is becoming awkward in it too. I'm not confident anymore using it. I look at the sentence I wrote on the blank page and I cry some more.

And I'm so, so tired of seeing "well-meaning" entitled native English speakers (and, no offense, but most happen to be from the USA, so there might be something cultural at hand here, but while I feel legitimate to observe languages, I don't think I have the legitimacy to observe societies) trying to hold everyone in the world up to their self-centred standards.

I speak English because you speak English. Speak my language flawlessly, and then we'll talk about my flaws when speaking yours.

[twice-inamillion]

Tzuyu's Congratulation Gift 

Smut and a bit of fluff

Chapter 183

(Tzuyu wants to tease her daddy a bit and congratulate him with a nice surprise.)

Feeling the sunlight in your eyes, you slowly open them as you try to wake up. At the same time, you feel a warm sensation in your groin, so you look around with nothing in sight.

It isn't until you get ready to get up that you pull your sheets and see someone's head poking out. "Tzuyu? Is that you?"

The head pops up further, revealing little Tzuyu with your cock in her mouth. She tries to speak but can't seem to understand the gibberish coming out of her, "what? I can't understand what you're saying."

You hear slurping sounds as she releases your cock from her mouth and gasps for air, "G…good morning, Daddy," with saliva running down her mouth. 

"What are you doing in my bed, Tzuyu?" 

"I just wanted to do something nice for you and congratulate you," as she crawls towards you. "Thank you for giving my sister a baby," as she gives you a kiss on the cheek. 

"Why the kiss?"

"Well, that's another one down, right? You just need five more, and it'll make nine." 

"What are you trying to get say?"

"Isn't your plan to get all of us pregnant?"

You're caught off guard by her sudden statement, making you choke up and say, "It's not that I want to; it just turned out that way." 

"Well… you're doing a good job at it. I mean, most of us have accepted the fact you have a breeding kink," as she caresses your arm. "I wouldn't mind if daddy breeds me," as she grabs your arm, slowly using it to trace her belly and down to her lower regions. 

You can feel her toned abs and soft pelvis, eventually reaching toward her squishy little cunt. She grabs your index finger and uses it to trace her lower lips. You feel the wetness coming out of her as you touch her, "you feel that? You feel how wet I am, Daddy?"

She looks at you with such innocent eyes that you can't get through your mind what's actually happening at the moment.

"You know, now that I'm an adult, I have other idols come up to me after your comebacks and ask for my number, but I always so no. I don't want or need any of them when I have my daddy to take care of me." She gets closer to you, feeling her breath on your chest. 

"I know that they want to get to know me because they think I look exotic or because of my body, but I want someone who treats me nice, cares for their family, and is reliable, and that's you. I want you." 

She inserts your finger inside of her, feeling her sloppy insides. You are stopped by a flexible type barrier, "do you feel that? I'm saving myself just for you, Daddy. I really want you inside of me, I want to give my first to you." 

Your heart starts to race as you're getting turned on; Tzuyu comes closer to your ear and whispers, "Someone said that you have a thing for taking a girl's virginity," causing you to get hard. Your cock rubs against Tzuyu's abs, precum leaking and ready for some action. 

"Don't worry, Daddy; you can have me whenever you want," winking at you. "You're not a small girl anymore, right?" Tzuyu nods, "No, I'm a big girl now," she says excitedly. You look down at her tits and say, "Then I should treat you like a big girl then," as you plant your mouth on her tits. 

You take her nipple into your mouth and begin to suck on it aggressively as you stir your finger that is still inside of Tzuyu. She moans as she's getting stimulated from two places at once, "ahhhh… ahhh, don't stop, please. You feel as her walls tighten up, making it harder for your finger to twist and turn. It doesn't take long until she cums from the stimulation of both your sucking and stirring. 

"Daddy, I'm cumming” her fluids gush out, covering your hand in her love juice. You see as she shakes from her orgasm, and hold her tight in your arms.

After some time, she regains her composure, "Thank you, let me make it up to you now." She straddles you, giving you a clear view of her puffy lips. She grabs hold of your cock, using her finger to trace the vein running from the tip to your base. 

You shiver with her soft but cold touch as your cock gets hard once more. She uses both hands to hold your member as she jerks you off slowly. 

"Am I doing it right, Daddy?" 

"Yeah… just like that…" as your breathing gets heavier. 

"I'm going to go faster, okay" and she starts to increase the pace. You watch as precum starts to cover Tzuyu's hands; sloppy sounds cover the whole room as you are both silent this morning. 

Suddenly she starts when she feels your cock throbbing, "You can't come yet," and let's go of your member. 

With your cock standing hard and tall in the air, she says, "wow, it's so big, I don't think I'll be able to fit the whole thing side me," as she grabs it and puts it against her tummy. "Look, daddy, it reaches all the way to bellybutton." 

"You really want Daddy to fuck you, huh." 

"I do; I want to feel what my unnies felt when you had your way with them." 

"I can't break the promise I made with Jihyo, but we can still have some fun," as you grab her tight ass. She grabs your cock, lifts herself, and sits on top of your cock. You see as her puffy lips sink down and hug your shaft with only the tip of your cock showing. 

"Daddy, you're splitting me open; you're so big," as she begins to grind, coating your cock with her love nectar. You grab onto her thick thighs as she slowly rides you.

"Tzuyu, these thighs of yours, I love them." 

Hearing your compliment on her body makes her happy, which results in her pressing her body down and increasing the pace. "Tell me more; what do you like about me?"

These thick thighs of yours, your ass, your hourglass body, your innocence, I like everything about you," giving her a slight smirk. You give her a smack on her thighs, causing it to giggle. 

She laughs and grabs both your hands and places them on her butt, "if you like them so much, grab them harder." Tzuyu increases the pace of her grinding, making you grab her ass. 

"Ahh… ahh… your cock is so big. I can already imagine you fucking me, daddy," as she moans out loud. 

You know that she wasn't like this before, she's been getting advice on how to turn you on from the other members, and it's starting to work. Your cock is loving how her puffy lips are hugging your cock, how it leaves a thick layer of love juice on your shaft. 

Your notice that it's not just you but her as well as she begins to jerk from her orgasm coming. "I'm going to cum; daddy suck on my tits, please." You do as you are told and bring Tzuyu's tits into your mouth, sucking on them immediately. Tzuyu moans out your name and tightens her thighs, and lets her orgasm run wild. 

You feel a gush of liquid soak your shaft and shakes violently, "hold me tight! Fuck…” Letting go of her tits you hold her as tight as possible as she lets her orgasm run its course. 

You can hear Tzuyu's heavy breathing as her shaking subdues, "Thank you for holding me, but now it's your turn. Come for me." 

You turn her over, flat on the bed, and stand right in front of her, grab your throbbing cock, and give it a few jerks. You feel your balls, ready to explode, and ask, "Where do you want me to come?" 

"Please cum in my pussy, put the tip at least, please, daddy," pleading desperately. Her wish is your command as you please your cock right at her entrance and place your cock right on her lips.

A large wave of cum shoots out, covering her pussy in your cum. You press the tip of your cock into her tight cunt just enough to deliver a good amount of cum. Having cum to spare you aim for her thick thighs, abs and eventually her pretty face, spraying her with your white liquid.

The view in front of you is just perfect, Tzuyu covered in your cum, her hair and face completely white. 

"Daddy, you're a bad boy," as she spreads her puffy lips apart, cum flowing out of her and onto the sheets.

You laugh and say, "You mentioned i could do whatever I wanted, so i decided to cover you completely in white."

"That's true, i do look pretty in white. Can you take a picture?" Tzuyu hands you her phone and you take a video and multiple pictures of her covered in your white paint. You hand her phone back to her and looks at it, "omg daddy, you messed up my hair. Now I need to shower before today's schedule!" 

"Good luck getting it out, let me know how it goes." 

"Nope, you're coming with me, Daddy, we're showering together," grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the bathroom. 

[witchspeka]

I dont think Mob is naive as much as he's socially unaware, like the reason why he trusts Reigen so blindly is a bit more complex than just him being naive

Cause Mob reached out to Reigen because he was desperate to find someone like him, someone who understood his psychic specific issues, someone that could truly know what he's feeling and going through and give him guidance and support

Post incident Mob's thinking process was something along the lines of my powers hurt people -> my powers are bad -> my powers (my emotions, my instincts, myself) cannot be trusted

So he lost all confidence and trust in his own actions, resigning to being as passive as possible to avoid any further damage to anyone else, thus he started doubting his own perception of reality too

He's a kid already struggling with being ostracised for being socially inept, who just got traumatised and all of his insecurity increased by the tenfold, he doesn't know how to process what he's going through. He needs help.

And here comes Reigen, seemingly reliable, a responsible adult in a child's eyes, someone who claims he can understand him

Even tho Reigen doesnt. But it doesn't matter, because Mob finds comfort in his words and takes them to heart

Even if Reigen doesn't fully get it, even if he doesn't see the bigger picture, even if his advice isn't always the best

Eventually, Mob grows up, realises Reigen isn't as honest as he seemed through his 11 year old perspective, but like most things, he refuses to acknowledge it on a deeper level

Mob knows, but never tells Reigen, never thinks about what all those lies mean to him (ofc until he forces himself to face those doubts regarding Reigen, to properly acknowledge both of their flaws and accept them as they are, I should scream into the void about Confession Arc more God)

Due to his lack of trust in himself, Mob has relied on Reigen for years now to shape his moral compass, his thoughts, his decisions

Because well, Reigen lies, sure, but he isnt a bad person. When he hurts Mob, it isn't intentional or with ill intent, he still wants the best for him, what's the issue?

Except that it stunts Mob's growth. He doesn't develop as a person, doesn't have goals or wishes or ambitions, can't make choices on his own, he doesn't even let himself acknowledge his own emotions, he refuses to let himself exist

But Mob realises in time that he wants more than that, he wants to become better and be independent and feel again

Still, he puts the acknowledgement of the lies on hold for as long as he can, unwilling to question the way things are

This can make him feel a little naive, he constantly relies on Reigen and trusts his decisions and raises questions rarely until separation arc when he finally puts his foot down

And I do think that moment is the most resounding proof we have that Mob knows and allows himself to be used by Reigen, not wanting to shake the status quo, until he gets fed up

I mentioned the social ineptitude at the beggining but idk if I should even elaborate on that, you've watched the show, you know what I mean

He's blunt and can't read social cues or tonality that well and can't speak in front of crowds and is overall pretty awkward and I do think some people conflate that with naivety

Mob is still a child, he doesnt fully understand how the world works at the ripe age of 14 years old, but some folks take that as him being inherently naive/innocent/whatever which I don't find true

[izzysbeans]

i will only comment on the situation in this post.

all I'm going to say is this:

1 - idolizing people is ALWAYS BAD even when they don't turn out to be bad, please stop doing it, parasocial relationships are getting way out of hand

2 - comparing this to the JKR situation makes no sense whatsoever i have no clue what y'all are on about on that one

3 - we don't actually know shit. I am all for believing victims but we actually don't know ANYTHING and the court of public opinion isn't fair or reliable. All sources i found for information on the situation seem to have no evidence to back any claim up neither in favor of or against the accusations.

There is some truth to it i believe undeniably so. You are free to look for info and form your own opinion. I have read as much as i could stomach and have concluded that i do NOT know enough to form an opinion.

as for the JKR thing i personally am of the opinion that i do not want to give my money to people who use it in ways i do not approve of. Gaiman has done nothing but support trans people and the LGBTQ community with his influence, his works as a writer AND his money.

When more information will come out i will decide how i want to spend my money. As for now i think there is no harm in enjoying Gaiman's work in any way shape or form. You do as you please tho.

If the accusations are true they are BAD. Gaiman is a 63 year old man in a position of power. I will not associate myself with that kind of behaviour. I don't believe any of his works contain content that promotes or even insinuates behavior of the sort. At least not the ones I've read.

i will not give you that "everyone makes mistakes, nobody's perfect" bullshit because that is not something you say when a regular person commits a serious crime. If he is actually found guilty i will not consider this a fuck up. I will consider this a crime, and there is NO EXCUSE for this kind of crime. NONE.

if you disagree with me that's fine i don't particularly care to be honest. You can block me if you never want to see any of his works ever again, i have no issue with how anyone wants to deal with this situation. I will also be blocking people who either defend him as tho he has done nor can do anything wrong, or saying he is a monster who has done everything people claim and more with no proof. Black and white opinions make no sense and some of you switch so fast it gives me whiplash.

that's all i have to say about it. I will not be answering questions on this matter