#i don't remember who it was and it is Very Not Important but. he's just so funny and so sweetheart and i love him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dilf-docs · 2 days ago

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X Si Volvemos

ex older bf!logan x younger fem!reader

summary: there are many things you and logan disagree in; but not when it comes to things in bed.

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (phew), smut, ex!logan, exes to ????, p in v, creampie, reader's in her early to middle twenties so her frontal lobe hasn't developed yet; don't expect any reasonable thinking on her side, logan is on his middle to late 40s, angst (duh), this happens in an AU where mutants don't exist bc i don't wanna complicate myself with timelines lol hence time isn't really important but it's contemporary, the vibes i bring to the function are more sad than horny and i'm sorry, toxic too! may build a series around it?

word count: 1,925 words

side note: the incredible @bpmiranda's got me with a very bad case of ex!logan fever :( plus after listening to karol G's album mañana será bonito and seeing i may or may not be obssesed with romeo santos, i got the song in the title on loop: as you can see, it's all very fitting ++ don't forget to check out her stories, they're so good istg!!!!

You shouldn't call.

"Logan" you speak. His name burns in the tip of your tongue, like a secret you're not supposed to tell.

He shouldn't answer.

It's quiet at first on the other line, until a rough voice says I'm here, appearing to be distant, but who is he trying to fool? As soon as he saw the number pop on the screen, his fingers moved with a learned urgency.

You shouldn't keep calling.

"I need you" three words to cover those you actually mean; hanging in the spaces between the silence.

I miss you. I love you.

Your hear a heavy sigh on the other end.

He shouldn't keep answering.

"Princess..." Logan pleads, "don't do this"

You know better than that, he wants to say, but keeps his mouth shut. Just to hear your voice, just to-

"Please, Lo" you whine out. Logan grabs his jeans with force, the fabric strained under his white-knuckled grip. It takes him a lot not to run to you right there and now.

"Don't" but his voice cracks as much as his resistance.

"I've got the house" you whisper the prayer; a routine so sacred none of you seem to break it, "just for us"

"Y/n" even saying your name is painful; like the most addicting and damaging drug to ever exist, "stop"

Logan loved your stubborn heart, but there are times where he wishes you weren't like this.

"I'm sorry" and then he hangs up.

I'm sorry for not being who you needed. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I keep on coming back after I said I would leave you alone. I'm sorry I can't keep my promises.

You feel it around your neck―bruises in the vocals your voice has failed to scream; it chokes you with rage.

"Are you stupid?" you ask yourself in the mirror.

What are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you love him more than you love you?

You dial again, but this time, it's a girl who picks up.

"Yeah?"

"Hi. Wanna go out?"

Logan feels so out of place, but this used to be your favorite bar, and he's desperate for a drink.

Listening to your voice has always made him weak, but after you broke up, it drives him crazy.

He empties another glass, feeling pathetic. This is how bad it's gotten: you've got him scouring the places you used to go, chasing your ghost, trying to get a glimpse of your silhouette or a whiff of the phantom of your scent, the lavender haunting him; getting under his skin.

A song beggins playing, and it's the same vinyl set from two years ago. The night he met you: a pretty young thing so out of place in an old bar like that, playing hard to get, only to end the night moaning over him, fogging his car's windows, saying his name in a way no one else had before. He still remembers the way your legs trembled but he held you, beads of sweat confusing themselves with the glitter on your skin. Logan doesn't know what that is, but he's marveled, so in awe of you, everything of you: young, new, exciting.

But every new thing wears out, and the gap he swore wouldn't matter came crashing in years that built a distance between him and you.

So he did what he did best: ruin it. Deny the feelings bubbling inside; let them consume his reasoning, pushing you like he had done with everyone who cared about him before.

When he broke your heart, he took a part with him. So you keep coming back, looking for it; trying to piece yourself together. And he let's you: because God knows you have a part of himself too.

He's so drunk he probably imagines the hint of lavender in the whiskey tinted air. He's so desperate to see you again, he's seeing your face among the crowd. He's definitely gone insane: hearing that laugh he misses every day.

"Y/n..."

The music pauses: all you can hear is your name being said in that way like it belongs to him.

"...Logan"

He walks in autopilot over to the table you and a group of girls are sitting. They're all beautiful―beautiful people attract beautiful people, but he's only got eyes for you.

"What are you doing here?"

He raises a glass he didn't know he was carrying, "having a drink".

Your lips purse, and Logan doesn't know if it's because you're laughing at him or sad.

"I see" but you divert your gaze, looking at your outfit's neck. The outfit you chose: a black dress that pushes your tits on top. They are on display, and Logan feels played by you―his eyes trained on the strained fabric, tongue watering like it did when he would lick your sensitive nipples.

"I see too" he says in automatic, and one of your friends laughs. He looks away, thanking the low lights, or you'd see the red embarrassment on his face.

You stand up and walk over to him, and your friends sense it's time to leave the two of you alone.

"Why did you hang up?" you throw the question so casually; the nerve you have.

"What do you mean?" it's the only thing that comes to his mind. Very stupid, indeed.

You scoff, "delete my number, then"

"You keep on calling" he bites back.

"And you keep answering"

You never shut up. He hates that.

"I may have to stop"

You get closer, way too closer. So much, your hot breathe clouds his judgment.

"Try to" you dare.

And he tries, he really tries. But not today.

Not today when he takes you home, finally looking complete with you in it again. You had moved out after your last discussion, saying you'll never be back.

"You haven't changed a thing" you murmur in between kisses, and he can sense a bit of melodrama in his voice that makes him roll his eyes despite the dull ache on his chest.

He picks up your body swiftly, carrying you up to the bedroom.

"Why would I?" he asks, voice so low and small you almost miss it.

"Because you hate me" you avoid his eyes, even if your faces are too close, loosing all that corageous character of yours, "said you would get rid of it; of everything that reminded you of me"

But when he drops you softly on the matress, there's still that lamp you got him in the night table.

"I couldn't" he confesses.

I couldn't, he means, because I couldn't let you go.

But you both know it won't work out, something you knew right from the start: because toxic loves only fulfill basic needs. This isn't healthy, but he forgets it all as soon as you're moaning his name. Still, he promises himself he will say goodbye to you this time, even if it's inside of you.

"Shut up and kiss me, then" you're always pushing him around, making him do the things he desires to but doesn't want to do.

So he obliges, leaning in, the lavender so strong all over your sweet skin, poisoning his mouth on every kiss he leaves. He feels you squirm under him, goosebumps along your skin, prickling against his, so visible he can see and feel it even in the dim lit room.

"Take it" Logan doesn't look at you, but when he does, you feel him stare deep into your soul, "I know you want it"

He's sliding his dick inside you as soon as the sentence is over, the permission to take you and use you implicit. He robs a drawn-out groan out of you.

"So tight for me" he murmurs against your shoulder, sharp breaths and soft groans flooding your ears. His cock hits deep within you, hard thrust no one has ever been able to replicate, making you gasp for air, burying your face in the plush pillows now drenched in your sweat.

"You're so deep" you hiss, hot and overwhelmed, waves of pleasure hitting like water against cliffside rocks. "So big, Lo" you whine, dizzy at the way your pussy stretches for him.

"Just for you" he grunts out, and it's the truth. No matter how dark the room is or how many faces he avoids, he always looks into the eyes of the other women he fucks, his heart sinking when he can no longer pretend it's you, "fuck, squeeze a bit more".

Hearing his deep voice, rough when you fuck, always making you soak, coating his dick in your juices. You grip tight, as tight as the nails that hold onto his shoulders, making him moan at the pain.

"Like that, princess. Good girl" you moan at the praise, "I know you could take me, all of me"

He grunts and pants, holding you tighter as his cock pumps faster, in sync with your now closer to happening orgasm.

Before it, he slows down his thrusts, "where do you want me to cum, princess?"

He wants to, inside of you, but he can't do so, not when he promised he wouldn't ruin your life. But making you his, marking you as only his, makes his dick inside you twitch. Fuck, he's so balls deep inside you all he can think is filling you up silly.

"Inside me, Lo" like you read his thoughts, and it always amazes and scares him; how deep inside his mind you are. Never happened, not in his four decades of life. And that's part of the problem: he's closer to death than you are but it's only with you, young―blossoming with life, that he feels truly alive.

So how can he say no, when you plead and beg with those pretty doe eyes of yours? Who could imagine such a sweet thing to be so needy. He feels like you could ask for his heart, and he'd carve a hole in his body for you―bleeding out of love; dying with a smile.

"Such a greedy little thing, princess" he mocks, but his tone betrays him―dripping in adoration, "want me to fill you up all nice?"

A broken wail is what he takes as your answer, your mind in blank.

He finds himself letting go, way faster than he should; he just misses you and your needy dripping pussy that much. You can't hold back longer either, rush flowing through your veins, much more satisfying than the alcohol you had drank an hour ago.

Logan paints your insides with layers of his hot cum, mumbling a soft:

"Anything for my princess" he keeps going, panting as he's milked entirely dry, "anything you want, my girl"

Your vision is still spotty, mind fogged: you're sure that's the reason the hurt hasn't settled in your heart yet.

Then the silence comes, like it always does now.

"Y/n" you always love when he calls you by your name, but you hate the way he's saying it now. Like a goodbye.

"Don't-" you plead, begging he shuts up. But he pulls out, and says:

"It's for the best"

You don't want what's best. You want him.

"Can't believe you wore this dress" he traces the pattern of the tight clothes, damped in sweat, "you know it's my favorite. Why?"

You fail to supress a smile, even if it's tired and almost sad, "I knew you couldn't say no".

The truth is, you know many things: like how this is never going to stop until it's destroyed you both.

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strawberrymochin · 10 hours ago

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Clan head! Gojo | warnings ⚠️ degradation, kidnapping and misogyny |

Imagine you're a kin to the zenin clan, born with no cursed energy, perceived as no important asset by your family, suddenly being kidnapped by the gojo clan members for you to replace the dead bride of the clan head gojo satoru— why you ask? Your brother naoya seemed to have killed the bride of the clan head.

That's what you heard when the soldiers who kidnapped you chatted idly drunk. You laid back in the dusty carriage, eavesdropping at their drunk conversation with your hands tied tightly behind your back. A stripe of cloth blocked your vision and your feets felt numb too.

You don't remember much of how you came to be here, nor you think you tried to resist their attack, it was just a bunch loud noises and blur of visions. Even though you attempted running away somehow you knew it'd be very well futile.

You do nothing but sigh.

The next you see the blinding brightness is when someone cuts the stripe of cloth off your skin. You feel the cold blade graze near your eyes, if the blade is turned in opposite direction it might as well blind you forever.

You open your eyes adjusting your vision, you head hung low. The floor was made of wood and someone was kneeling infront of you.

A man slides his finger under your chin forcing you to look up. His eyes were the azure of the blue. Rays of sunlight sparkled and danced in them as if it were reflecting on a thousand shards of crystals. His skin was pale and face extremely handsome. The dressing you recognise— you'd seen it when your parents used to display you as an ornament. This specific haori was worn by the clan head of gojo's.

The last you saw this haori was when you were 10, worn by a shaggy old person. It seems that the gojo's have appointed a new clan leader and you are supposedly in trouble.

He held your face with his one hand(not gentle), moving your face from one side to others, as if speculating it before jerking your face and turning back where his other attendees stand.

"this will do." He said in his velvet voice, however the tone didn't really suit him, as if he didn't meant what he said and rather was forced to say that.

The next thing you know is the maids scurrying your away to a chamber where your skin is cleaned squeaky and scented all over, your hair is brushed and adorned with some dangling jewels and your robes dirty from the dusty carriage changed to a pair of white and red robes of silk.

The maids give you a look of anticipation yet none dares to spare a word to you. Even they are confused why you aren't protesting or questioning any. Oh how could you? You weren't even allowed to speak in your own home. Your voice was considered unnecessary so you kept quiet, never uttering a word unless spoken to.

"you will be my bride. Bow your head to my words and be the subject of my desires." He announced, "and you will obey it even if my desire is your death."

Loud roars of his subjects came waving in the air, "that's what you get to have the audacity to mess with the gojo's." The public's roars died down when you kneel infront of him. Your hands touching the floor and you bow till your head touch the floor, "yes. I will be your bride,the slave of your will, the subject of your desires, even if your desire is of my death."

Gojo's eyes widened at your words but quickly masks his surprise. He, too kneels down and orders you to rise your head.

The cup of sake sat in between you two.

Soon you will be the bride of gojo satoru.

And yet you will still remain non existent to your parents.

A/n- okay sorry I'm not done with the professor series and my uni vacations are over a week ago and I've a lots of stuff to do. I just can't find time to write. So sorry but just have this non sensical blurb....

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colorquest · 1 day ago

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~☆~

...

D(ebbie): HEYYYYYYY SAMANTHA!!!!!! V(ilmr): Hiiii!

S(amantha): Hehe, hi Debbie, hi Vilmr. S: Can you see me alright? D: Yeah I can see you, and that smelly boy behind you too. V: I can smell him from here. D: YEAH bleuch! We can smell him from here!!! M(ichael): --Oh! M: Oh jeez, when you said you were gonna call I didn't think you meant like, right away-- D: SAMANTHA can you see us? S: Yes, we can see you too Debbie.

M: Hey you two! M: What's up? D: Oh my gosh he doesn't even know what's up!!! D: Don't you know what day it is?! M: Oh, uh...! M: The... eleventh? V: The twelfth actually, on the other side of the world. D: Yeah DUH. M: I-- I didn't think that was relevant? D: Omfggggg nnnnnnnOTHING. D: You. D: Know. D: NOTHING............... V: It's the twelfth where it's happening right now! V: That's the whole reason we're calling! S: Michael, there's a full eclipse happening soon, remember? S: It's all we've been hearing about for weeks now. M: Oh! M: Shoot, that's tonight? D: Um, uh-durrrr? M: The sun's already setting though :/ M: Too bad we won't be able to see it... V: Aht! D: YEAH AHT AHT! D: That is where you are wrong! S: Michael, Debbie says she's found someone who's streaming the eclipse, all the way from Wootosh. M: Woah, what? M: How did you even manage to access something like that? D: Yeah I mean whatever, you know? D: Only took me all day to find but whatever, like, I have my sources, no big deal. S: It's very exciting, Debbie.

M: Actually Vilmr, I'm surprised you aren't with Maja right now while this is going on. M: An eclipse definitely sounds like it'd be important to her, right? V: Guuuhhhhhh, don't remind me. V: She has been trying to get a hold of me for nearly an hour now. D: Yeah and she can live, it's not like you're the one who believes in that junk. D: Literally no reason for you to be over there. V: Yeah but... it could be one of those times where it's really serious for her. V: She is going to be sooo mad when I get home. V: Maybe I really should get back soon. D: UMMM??? D: No, you're basically an adult now, you're like 18 you can do what you want. S: I don't even think you could make it in time if you left now, Vilmr. S: That's a pretty long walk... D: Yeah it's a long walk! D: So literallyyyyyy, just stay here. D: Don't stress your head all up about what she might or might not be thinking. V: Buh... D: ANYWAY.

[[ Debbie sends a link to the livestream ]]

D: There's the stream Samantha. S: yey -v- S: Michael, are you gonna watch with us?

M: Heck, why not. M: As long as this isn't illegal or anything, right? M: Haha... M: ...Right? S: I dunno about that. M: S: *yawn* S: Debbie? D: Okay Wootosh doesn't own the eclipse, first off. D: So freaking WHAT if it's an orc who set it up or whatever. D: And second, I dug deep to find this stream and NONE of you are gonna chicken out about it. D: And nobody's gonna FALL ASLEEP BEFORE IT HAPPENS EITHER, SMUMANTHA... S: Michael's here to make sure I stay awake, don't worry Debbie. M: Haha, yeah. D: yeah okay sure. V: Hey actually, it sort of doesn't make sense for me to even be here? V: I just realized this? D: Yes it does IT DOES MAKE IT SENSE. D: IT'S THE MOOD. D: IT'S THE VIBES. D: Even if you can't see it you still get to say you were there......... V: But... I'm literally not? D: FIGURATIVELY. D: Open your mind Vilmr. D: Or your third eye or whatever Maja would want you to have open-- whatever! D: You're STAYING HERE DOSH GARNIT. V: I don't plan on going anywhere, I'm just saying!!! V: Åh, Maja förlåt mig...

M: So um, is it supposed to be so grainy? D: Yeah I guess. D: I dunno. D: That's just how I found it. S: It looks like it still has a little while before it starts. V: It starts at 7:15 tonight. D: Sooooo we got like half an hour to kill then. V: Killing the hours away is what we do best, is it not? D: So true. D: That being saiiiiiid...

D: Samantha! D: Michael. D: What are you guys up to, huh? V: ...? D: What's up. D: Over at Michael's place to day huh? D: What's that about? D: Huh? M: Oh, I invited her over, she was home alone and...-- S: ......... M: Samantha, hey, don't fall asleep just yet, haha... D: Samantha I see you falling asleep. D: Samantha. D: MICHAEL WAKE HER UP BETTER SHE'S GONNA MISS THE-- S: *snort* S: mh-- S: Sorry, I'm here... S: What did you say, Debbie? D: Nevermindddddddd, just like-- D: BRRRBBRBTGGRRNGHBRRR....... D: Come on, let's just chat. D: Like let's just keep ourselves occupied, okay. D: Like we gotta see this, when is the next time we're ever gonna see something like this??? V: Uh like, four or five years from now I'm pretty sure. V: If I remember what Maja told me at least. D: And what about it??? D: That's like. FOREVER from now. D: WE COULD BE DEAD BY THEN. M: Oh jeez, I hope not...! D: LIVE IN THE NOW!!!!!! S: Debbie you're getting me so hyped up, hehe... D: GOOD! D: LET'S GET HYPE ABOUT IT AND STAY AWAKE ABOUT IT AND STUFF!

~☆~

You can dictate the flow of these four friend's conversation. Find out how by clicking here.

🔆

#0001 #log #debbie #vilmr #samantha #michael

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emptymanuscript · 13 hours ago

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I feel like the really important thing to work out is the distribution pattern. How the memories and knowledge pass will have an extreme effect on how messed up / beneficial it is.

Like, if it is maximally passable, say anyone who gets at least 1 gram of brain matter remembers everything as if it is their own memories to access, and those memories pass on to the next generation of eaters as well as the memories of the person's whose brain they directly eat, then memory and knowledge would grow exponentially because each death could pass on to about 1300 people and you would very purposefully want to preserve the rite until the last moment to get the most amount of memories you could.

If it is minimally passable, like you need to eat at least 500 grams of brain matter and even if you split it, only one person gets the memories and knowledge. Then your incentive is very much to get that brain matter for yourself. Especially if only your own personal memory and knowledge pass, not the memories and knowledge of who you ate for their memories and knowledge. And you really up the incentive to murder for it if the memory and knowledge are available only as the brain itself is able to recall it. Because then it's better to harvest at a peak instead of waiting for some kind of culmination which might lead to degradation. Then you want to kill and eat Einstein exactly in the space after he makes his first big breakthrough (because you don't know if there will be another one) and before he publishes (drawing competition for the brain matter from other people who want it for themselves).

It's pretty much the difference between Logan's Run (everybody dies young) and Clan of the Cave Bear (very conservative uniformity because everyone essentially shares the same experiences as a people). And those are just the simple extremes. There's a lot of variables you could tweak. And I figure you gotta have a pretty good idea of those parameters in order to figure out how bad / good it is going to be.

imagine how much more fucked up the history of the world would be if eating someone's brains reliably conferred on you their memory and knowledge

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lipstickchainsaw · 23 hours ago

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Arcane season 2 has touched on religious themes considerably more than season 1 did. This has expressed itself primarily in Viktor's prophet narrative (no, he is not a god, he is being guided by one), but we also see it in a lot of Janna worship showing up in Zaun, especially among the most impoverished.

And her most prominent depiction is in the stage Jinx sets for her fight with Vi. This seems relevant, so let's dig into that for a moment.

The stage Jinx has set is deep underground, in the ruins of what seems to have once been a grand temple (with an altar, but we'll get to that), which Jinx has repurposed as a monument to the tragedies of her own life, but I don't think this is portrayed as a desecration of this temple. Rather, I think it's a set-up for where we're going.

Over the course of their fight, Vi and Jinx destroy the pillar showing their childhood, which could be read as the definitive destruction of their sisterhood, but, given how things end, I think it's more likely the destruction of the specific dynamic: Vi can no longer be the protector, and Jinx does not need to be protected.

The conclusion of that fight has Jinx held down on the altar, which seemed to be very much on purpose, because she wants to die, and her decision to do it like this is important. She wanted to go out in a grand, important way. Like a ritual sacrifice on the altar to a god, with a grand ceremony in the form of the paint bombs to mark the occasion.

But the world won't let Jinx die, forces her to live, in this case in the form of Isha bodily getting in the way of the people trying to kill her, which doesn't strip this religious ritual from its meaning, but it changes it from a sacrifice to... something else.

At the end of season 1, Vi and her sister had to make a choice between Jinx and Powder, but they got neither. This isn't the Jinx that they thought they were choosing, and it isn't the Powder that wants to die, either. So if this is not a death, perhaps it is a rebirth, but as what?

Anyway, all of that sells the significance of the religious imagery, but it doesn't explain why Janna, specifically.

Fittingly, Jinx introduces us to who Janna is as a deity, and equally fittingly, she presents this as a non-believer:

"Don't you remember the old Janna bedtime stories Vander used to tell us? Miners trapped underground. Air running thin! But then some wispy wind woman wafts to their rescue. Wild the kind of crap people get up to when you choke them out."

Janna is fresh air to those about to choke. Life to those about to die. It is a second wind when poison threatens to end you. Jinx, at this point, probably thinks of this as a hallucination by people who were just rescued and interpreted the source of the fresh air as something it wasn't (after all, she's well familiar with what a person's brain can come up with when put under significant strain).

But the Strike Team was threatening to choke the Undercity, with the Gray being an expression of Caitlyn's grief forced upon the citizens of Zaun, and Jinx' ritual sacrifice gets interrupted by Isha (and Sevika) rescuing her, all culminating in them blowing up a seal depicting Janna that was holding back a massive gust of fresh air that turned the poison against those using it.

So with this being a rebirth for Jinx, I think it points out in a certain direction.

For one thing, while she has been associated with smoke (see also: Powder), the way her tattoos show that smoke is very much a depiction of it being stirred by wind. For another, it involves her both rescuing and being rescued, becoming both Vi and Powder. She reflexively protects Isha, and finds in that a reason, perhaps, to live.

But this has only delayed matters, not solved the problem, with Caitlyn's grief now wielding the military might of Noxus (noxious) to choke the Zaun once more, and it once again needs its fresh air to survive.

So perhaps Jinx can find a renewed purpose. Can find meaning in a life where she protects and supports people. Can become Zaun's hero, instead of simply Piltover's villain.

And perhaps Janna finally has a herald to fight for the city under her banner.

#arcane #arcane spoilers #i am tired so this is less coherent than my usual

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syndrossi · 18 hours ago

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I love the way you write Ned. I love that, while he is clearly cognizant of the fact that Jon isn’t technically his son, he is willing to utterly destroy his honor and reputation to keep him safe. (Though it is clear that he knows it would be… very bad for him if someone was to put any of the pieces together about his origins at this stage too.) And I hope that bb!Jon gets a chance to really reckon with that love - different from the love he receives from Daemon, hampered by their circumstances, but still a profound love.

I do also hope someone, once everything is out in the open, has a chance to marvel at the depth of treason Ned was willing to commit to for his family.

Also, Raymar could literally just ask Ned how Jon is related to him, and I think Ned would tell him. (The lies they are having to tell to stay safe in Winterfell and their physical appearance would make prevarication unlikely.)

Yeah, Ned's love is such an interesting thing to reckon with. It's more in the background of Resonant, the candle that Jon holds up to Daemon's bonfire, but Ned's had to be more subtle and came with a lot more baggage than Daemon's. He was brave in many ways with his love, but in ways that were difficult for Jon to feel because he didn't know Ned's secrets.

His bravery was more political: committing treason, as you said, lying to his best friend and king, lying to his wife and staining his honor. But as far as letting himself fully love (not just protect!) Jon the way he longed for--there was this chasm between them. So much of Ned's pain and loss and even guilt was tangled up in his birth.

His father was a man who Lyanna had loved, rather than the monster everyone else in the North believed him to be. Whose death I doubt Ned felt much regret over, but his wife and children--that was horrific enough that it permanently drove a wedge between him and Robert. Ned never trusted him or looked at him the same way after that. So Rhaegar, and through him, Jon, is a reminder of Robert's failings.

And his mother was Ned's beloved sister, whose "kidnapping" claimed the lives of his brother and father in a truly sickening fashion before ultimately taking hers. When he looks at Jon, who else can he see but Lyanna and remember all the Starks who died so that Jon could be born?

Ned loves Jon, and would die to protect him, but in the way that is most important to Jon, his bravery failed him: in telling him the truth so that he could understand that any perceived distance on Ned's part had nothing to do with Jon being his bastard son and a reminder of his dishonor, because he wasn't. So much of Jon's own pain is tangled up in what it means to be a bastard--to be assumed evil, ambitious, lustful. So much so that when he does have any ambition of his own, it comes with guilt and a reactive "but I shouldn't!"

Without that knowledge, Jon distanced himself in response, partly in self-defense. Robb became "Stark." "Father" became "Lord Stark" more often than not. Lady Stark claimed he was trying to insinuate himself into her family, to claim a role that didn't belong to him, out of ambition. And Jon did everything in his power to counter that argument. "Look, see? I don't put on airs and pretend to be the same as my father's true children. I am Jon, but I am also Snow. I am deferential toward Robb and my half-siblings, because they are my betters. They are the ones who deserve our father's full love."

(How many times did Jon have to play damage control when Ned was too affectionate? And honestly, Ned himself. Cat herself was part of that distance. He felt guilty even about lying to Cat and the pain it had caused her, so he was just--constantly trying to tiptoe around emotional landmines. His own and Cat's.)

Now I know the common rebuttal is "of course he didn't tell Jon, that's not the kind of secret you can entrust to a kid or even a young teen!" But this is Ned. I don't think that level of shrewdness factored much into it, other than possibly as an excuse to cling to / reason to procrastinate. Once Jon was ten, he was pretty much old enough to know to keep a secret.

None of which means Ned didn't love Jon a great deal, or sacrifice to protect him. It just means that it was complicated in a way that his love for Robb, Sansa, Arya, etc wasn't.

(And truly, Ned wouldn't go to the lengths Daemon would, for the sheer fact that Daemon is not an inherently good/honorable person. Daemon's love is of the undeniably selfish "I would burn the world for you" brand.)

Restoration!Ned is even braver in his love, from a sheer "taking on breathtaking political risk" standpoint. These two children appear, so clearly Jon's kin, and the craziest fork in the road appears: "reveal their identity and your treachery is revealed with obvious consequences to Jon" vs "destroy the honor you had finally rebuilt over time and distance from its original stain, risking your family in the process, to protect Jon." (The third fork "see that these children disappear quietly and remain a strange rumor" never occurs to Ned, because unlike Robert, he doesn't countenance the murder of children.)

And Resonant!Jon is actually in the best spot to understand how much he is risking for him (other him), since he does know the truth this time around. It's easier to see the love where growing up, the inequity/distance stood out to him.

/essay oops

On the Raymar front, that really does pretty much seal it. If Ned says they're Jon's uncles, and he believes Rhaella is their mother, then pretty much no one else could be Jon's father, given that Lyanna must be his mother. Any additional children Rhaella might have had after he was summerhalled would have almost certainly been too young to marry her. A "spare" prince would have much better prospects than a woman 8 years his senior.

#resonant asks #resonant 'verse restoration au

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importantstudentbusinessspy-blog · 3 days ago

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Reunion - Friends

Masterlist

Pairing: Dick Grayson x (f)reader

Tags: SFW, platonic, friends, jealousy, feelings, blood, death, crime, guilt

It's been a week since your embarrassing parting with Dick. Since then, you threw yourself into your work and studies. It was difficult to rip yourself away at first, but the longer you kept at it, the easier the routine became. Each day became structured, starting with the gym, then classes, studying, and your internship. On top of that, you and your friends always had something planned for weekends or evenings, so you were seldom bored as you were kept plenty busy.

The routine drew you back to your old self, the one that was comfortable and wasn't concerned about the intentions or treatments of some man. It felt great!

Today, you were attending your first jury duty selection. You fixed the collar of your blouse and flattened your palms down your blazer, then skirt, taking one last look in the mirror before exiting the bathroom. You were still going over the transcripts of your case as you made your way to the courtroom, not careful of where you were going. As a result, you bumped into a hard wall of muscle. "Mph!" You blinked a couple of times, adjusting to your surroundings. "Sorry!"

Said wall turned around to face you. He wore a brown leather jacket over a black t-shirt, with his detective badge tucked on the side of his belt. And he smelled like old spice, all six feet three inches of him. Your friend Tony smirked down at you. "Sup dude?"

He started law school with you and then transfered to the police academy when he decided he wanted a more "hands on" approach to fighting crime.

You grinned up at him brightly, opening your mouth, ready to greet an old friend. But then you remembered where you were and composed your festures quickly. "Good morning, Detective Ericso-"

"Oh, don't give me that shit." Tony groaned before puling you into a bear hug. "I'm off duty. Plus, I'm still a cadet."

"Well," you looked down at your now disheveled outfit. "I'm not off duty. So I have to be Profesional." Then you smiled excitedly. "I have my first jury duty selection today."

"No shit." He snapped his fingers in an exaggerated way. "Look at you, miss lawyer!"

"I know," you channeled Monica from friends as you couldn't help but grin at him. He was always a ball of energy.

"Listen, a couple of friends are meeting at Richmond's tonight for a beer. Come with us." He said.

"I..." you began to think of your plans in the evening and came up short. "Okay, I'm free. What time."

He rolled his eyes. "Around eight. And as if you had any plans to begin with, you studious loser."

You raised your arm to smack his, but then you made eye contact with an important looking man in a suit and lowered it again. "Eight. That's when i finish my day. I'll see you there! I gotta go now."

"You better!" You heard him say as you opened the door and stepped into the courtroom.

The couple of friends Tony had mentioned turned out to be two young cadets and Dick grayson.

You froze for a mere second when you walked in through the familiar doors of the bar. It was odd, yiu realized. You expected to feel a pang of something upon seeing him, but... you felt something mild. It was not pain, just... acknowledgement. Tony spotted you and waved you over. When Dick followed his friends' gaze to you, he offered you a shy smile. Surprisingly, you were very comfortable offering him one back.

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Dick smiled suggestively at you, tilting his head in the direction of the bar. "That guys been eyeing you since we sat down."

You, along with the rest of the table, turned to see who he was talking about.

At the bar, facing your table, a group of young men in suits sat drinking beers. Finance guys, by the looks of them. Not exactly the Bruce Wayne high fashion enterage, but they could have been consultants for a big firm. One of them - a cute blond with gelled hair - saught your gaze and gave you a small nod before raising his bottle to his lips. The gesture made you smile back before turning back to the group. "He's cute."

"Go talk to him." One of the other cadets, Anna, gave you a light nudge.

"Nahh." Dick drawled, leaning back in his seat. "She doesn't have to. The guy's making his way over here right now."

And surely enough, a moment later, the blond suit showed up to your table, clearing his throat. You looked up and met his gaze.

"Is this seat taken?" He asked you, glancing to the open chair beside you.

You shook your head.

"Lucky me." The blond grinned a charming grin and sat down beside you. He had a gorgeous pair of green eyes, a chiseled jaw peppered in a three day stubble and beautiful full lips that seemed really kissable. You looked down at your heart, wondering if you were really that much of a lightweight so as to be so affected by a man.

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Dick was happy.

He was happy you were comfortable around one another again. Happy your could talk to each other and laugh together. Most importantly, he was happy that you were happy. He watched you and the finance bro chat and laugh to each other, smiling at one another's jokes, exchanging contacts. Finance bro began to brush your knee with his fingers as his gaze became a little bit more heated.

You didn't seem to mind, Dick noticed. In fact, if the slight blush on your cheeks was any indication, you enjoyed the attention. You offered him a timid smile, biting down on your bottom lip.

Dick felt his smile falter.

Oh no.

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You laughed into your wineglass as your friend Tony reached to give Dick a light smack upside the head. Dick dodged at the last minute, and Tony missed.

"Dicky, how is it possible that after that many years on Earth you've never seen Harry Potter?!" Tony asked, incredulous.

Dick shook his index finger in return. "Na uh, you don't get to judge. You haven't seen Love, Actually -"

You smiled to yourself. Of course Dick Grayson was a love, actually enjoyer. You pictured him watching the romcom and tearing up at the emotional scenes.

"Dear god!" Tony dropped his head into his hands. "Apples to oranges, man! Y/n, help me out here - oh yeah. I forgot you're busy being in love."

"You're so dramatic." You murmmered, looking at your phone. "I'm literally emailing my prof."

"Oh? A contender for finance, bro?" Dick raised his brow suggestively.

"Wouldn't you like to know." You smirked. "And 'finance bros' name is Eric."

Dick raised his hands in mock surrender for in truth. He really didn't care. He also didn't like that you called finance bro by his name. He was finance, bro. A faceless fuck. Not Eric, some guy whose name, personality and life you possibly knew.

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Dick was ready to knock Tony out if he mentioned finance boy one more time. He sat on your apartment floor, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that you knitted him as his secret Santa.

Tony sat gleefully in his hanukah sweater that your friend got for him. He was positively drunk when he raised his half finished glass of beer and announced. "I have an announcement."

The rest of the people at your apartment went quiet, patiently waiting for Tony's next words.

The young man smiled, opened his mouth to speak, and let out a long burp. The room burst into groans and murrmers of disgust.

Dick was too busy receiving an emergency alert into his earpiece.

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Dick arrived at the bank just as the day surrendered to the night. The sky above Gotham was tinged in dark blue as the bank’s alarms blared into the street.

"I’m at the location, Oracle," he murmured into his comm.

"Roger that," Barbara’s voice came through. "Security cameras show several men in ski masks inside."

"Copy." he replied, scaling the building in silence. He scanned the scene through a window: two civilians - a mother clutching her child - and a bank teller stood cowering in the corner as the masked robbers rifled through drawers.

"Need any backup?" Tim’s voice cut in.

"Negative, Baby-bird. This’ll be quick," Dick replied, his voice steady. "Enjoy your Christmas eve."

"God, he's so sappy." His brother, Jason, groaned into the comm.

"Police are en route, Nightwing," Barbara updated.

"Thanks."

He took out his batons and moved into action, precise and controlled. This was second nature - an exercise he could do in his sleep. Within moments, he had incapacitated the leader and taken down the four remaining men, who barely had a chance to react. In under a minute, every robber was either knocked out or tied up. Just as Oracle said, the police cars pulled up a moment later. Armed officers running into the bank, followed by a stoic commissioner Gordon walking in.

"Oracle, any more assailants?" Nightwing asked, breathing a little harder as he led the mother and teller toward the exit, carrying the giggling child in his arms. The little boy poked his chubby finger against Dick’s cheek, and despite the situation, Dick found himself smiling, cooing gently to reassure him.

Then, a gunshot shattered the air. Dick froze, his heart plummeting as a horrible, familiar dread took over.

"No!" he gasped, handing the child back to his mother before sprinting toward the sound.

As he rounded the corner, he saw it: one of the police officers lay in a spreading pool of blood, a discarded gun a foot away from a handcuffed robber. The scene played out, each detail sinking deep into his mind. He couldn’t look away. But... how? He's either tied or knocked all of them out!

He stumbled to Commissioner Gordon, who was kneeling beside the officer, hands trembling slightly as he took in the fatal wound.

"Is he…" Dick’s voice caught.

Gordon stood, his expression etched with grief. Slowly, he removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, drawing in a heavy breath. "He’s gone, son."

The weight of those words felt like a punch to the gut, hollowing Dick out from the inside. This was what he fought against, what he trained his entire life to prevent - and tonight, he had failed. Despite every life he’d saved, it hadn’t been enough.

Hours later, Dick trudged back to his apartment, feeling like a ghost. The image of the fallen officer haunted him, replaying every step of the night until it blurred with exhaustion and guilt.

As he opened his fridge and reached for a beer, Batman’s voice came through his comm, quiet and firm. "Nightwing. What happened tonight wasn’t your fault."

"Yes, sir," he replied, swallowing against the lump in his throat, the words barely audible.

“Dick… I've gone over your body cam. You did a good job incapacitating them. It was just bad luck." Bruce’s voice softened.

"I know," he whispered, his grip on the bottle tightening.

A heavy silence hung between them before Bruce added, “Get some rest.”

The comm went silent, and Dick felt something inside him finally break. The weight of his grief, the frustration, the helplessness - all of it spilled over as he sank to the floor, alone in the dark, and let himself cry.

#batman #batboys #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson smut #dick grayson #nightwing x you #nightwing imagine #nightwing x reader

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catras-breakup-song · 6 hours ago

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this whole essay is an excellent deep dive into the point of my brief post here!

So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part.

it's time to link one of my favorite break-down analysis posts of that build-up scene.

But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

i think this may be at least partially true, but i don't entirely agree with it. of course scorpia's convincing almost worked except for catra deciding to show-up adora again and clearly that does show a poor priority, but i don't believe she intended to see staying with scorpia and tormenting adora as two different things she can't do concurrently. it's hard to say how long she would've kept adora prisoner or what she would've wanted to do with her, only that she did genuinely consider for a moment taking up scorpia's offer once her enemy had been dealt with one way or another.

also, her spiraled panic at the end of that episode and the following one wasn't necessarily about adora as much as shadow weaver and i think that's something a lot of people get wrong, especially critics of catra who chalk up her pulling of the lever to "getting back at adora" ─ again, that's probably not a reason to totally rule out, since her "all of this [shadow weaver's escape & her own exile] happened because of you" line had some decent merit to it, but despite her anger being misdirected at the time, most of it was towards shadow weaver, as her decision to leave the fright zone was the catalyst to it all. not to mention, she was there when shadow weaver came back to the fright zone, a bold move on her part, in order to stop the portal from being activated, which caused catra to become even more determined to open it out of spite... and before entrapta's warning about what would actually happen, that's honestly understandable.

yes, exactly this! i appreciate you adding this part too.

[catra]: you couldn't wait to get away from here, from me... but you came back for adora! [SW]: i came back to stop hordak. i will make sure he's destroyed. don't make me destroy you too. [catra]: oh, i'm going to make sure we win. we're going to open that portal, and then there will be nothing left of you or the princesses.

(bold parts are to highlight the distinctively targeted remarks about each other)

however, i think the art you posted by nate is an accurate visual of how their downward spirals pull the other with them, mostly catra with her destructive behavior being the main force and her clinging to adora causes her to be dragged into it. i would wonder if i'm reading too much into this, but nate is truly a brilliant writer and knows exactly how to include great symbolism in his work.

anyway, that got really off-topic on a post that was supposed to just have small commentary notes, so i apologize.

(though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one)

i discussed that more with someone before in this thread here!

And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra.

Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her).

i had someone ask me about those scenes before and what they really meant, so i explored it here.

Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend.

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did.

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way.

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina). Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

#analysis

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thyfleshc0nsumed · 3 hours ago

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I agree with you about your stances on punishment, and I think it's so important to see that perspective instead of the more common one. I do not want to live in a world with the death penalty or prison.

But I'm very curious how you got to the point where you want your abuser to be happy. Capital H happy. I've never seen that before. I think it's great, and it must've taken a lot of time, and if it's not too personal, I'd like to hear about the process. If not to help myself, to help someone else. I'm personally very very jaded to the whole "forgiveness" mentality (it seems very catholic to me somehow? I forgive you so I'm better than you?) But the way you put it feels different somehow. Sorry for picking your brain, and if it's too personal I totally get it. Thanks for your time.

Thank you for this question.

Hm, it's a tough one. It may be informed by my lack of any singular capital-A Abuser. Certainly, I have had people who were abusive to me longer term (my mother especially), but for the most part it was many dozens of adults in single instances or shorter term situations during my childhood and teenage years that raped or otherwise harmed me. That lack of any singular individual to act as a locus for all the damage may have made it easier for me to come to a point where I wish them well.

I remember being 19, face in my toilet bowl, puking my guts up after downing a fifth of rum in an hour or two. I think it was a Thursday. I understood my mother for the first time. I wanted to stop drinking, and I didn't know why I couldn't.

My roommate at the time slept on a mattress on the floor in the living room. He left his family the day he turned 18 and took the Greyhound across the country to crash with me. We were good friends when he got here, but my negligence and failure to control my drug use ruined that relationship within a few months. He stayed with me for two years. He didn't have other options.

I don't remember those years well at all. Besides various temp jobs, all I did was drink, get fucked up, and make messes I never cleaned up. It was a one bedroom apartment and I had the bedroom, he couldn't really go anywhere. He didn't really know anyone. I was a fucking terror to live with, and a terror he couldn't even really get away from.

And I didn't mean to be that way. I didn't mean to hurt him with my dereliction. But it doesn't matter, y'know, impact is more important than intent. I fucked up bad.

Eventually he left. I was and still am filled with remorse for putting him through what I did. Maybe this perspective is the christian upbringing, maybe it's twelve step bullshit, but often I see my feelings as very self serving. I can justify just about anything, as long as I use enough self pity. But this feeling was different. It was just... remorse, pure and unfiltered. No rationalizations as to how it wasn't really my fault, no equivocations, no blaming outside factors, just acknowledgement that I fucked up and I hurt someone I loved. I was sorry that I had done that.

Humility does not come naturally to me. This was a humbling experience.

I--and everyone I've ever met, everyone who ever harmed me--am a human being. No more, no less. In each of us is potential both to love deeply and to do great harm to others. No one is without both these potentials.

It comes down to this: what I wish for myself, I must wish for all.

Do not mistake me here--this does not neatly translate into a pragmatic political position. For me, this is simply some sort of spirituality, that is to say, how I strive to navigate my life, day at a time, in the world as I find it. This is as small scale as it can get.

I understand that feeling about forgiveness you mention. What I have to say about it probably won't help the christian connotation; I am an atheist and a subjectivist, though obviously culturally evangelical. Maybe it is that last part that influences this next, but I don't feel I have the authority to forgive anyone. Or, in another word, 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'

Now, of course, I believe in neither god nor sin, but I do believe in harm. 'Let he who is not capable of such harm cast the first stone,' perhaps. Not all harm is equivalent, certainly, but no one is innately capable or incapable of greater harm than others. The ability to actually do harm is relative to relations to power, no doubt, but a given power relation is not innate.

So yeah I end up back at 'i have no moral high ground over or under anyone else, the forgiveness is neither mine to give nor withhold,' which frankly is a rather christian viewpoint.

There's this idea in Judaism that has stuck with me for the last few years: tikkun olam. To repair the world. What must I do to ensure my part in that repair happens?

There is so little I have control of. The only thing I can change is what I do. If the world around me is hardened and cruel, why must I adopt that cruelty into myself? Will it get me better outcomes in life? Perhaps, perhaps not. I have found it hasn't, but others may find it has. But that's talking about results. And I don't have power over results.

I cannot change the world, cannot repair it alone. But I think I can work to repair myself, and in the process, the smallest portion of the world may be repaired alongside me. Maybe, maybe not. It becomes a matter of faith. Or to put it in a therapeutic framing, it's an 'even if.'

I'll end with this, an old twelve step saying: "resentments are like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die."

What is a resentment? Re- as in once more. -sent, as in sentiment. Feeling something once more. It is the reanimated corpse of a feeling, not the feeling itself. It looks like the feeling you know, maybe walks and talks like it too. But it's rotting away. It died long ago. So why should you pretend the corpse is alive? It moves, it rasps, but it's something else now; it only shares a body with the original, nothing else. So maybe it's time to let go, and begin to move forward.

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cornflowerbluewrites · 2 days ago

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And then Tim finally looks at him and there is sorrow and guilt written plain as day in every line of his face. Dick takes a half step back, alarm bells ringing in his head as Tim says, “I’m sorry.”

Which, by itself would be alarming, but then Tim reaches out and in one swift movement, slaps one end of a Batcuff around his wrist, the metal swinging through the mechanism and then around to lock on Dick’s wrist. In the next moment, he had slapped the other end of the cuff around the metal bar of the cot and grabbed his belt, pulling it away just as Dick makes a grab for it.

“Tim,” Dick says, watching as Tim rapidly retreats with his belt clutched tightly in his hands, “Buddy, why did you handcuff me to a cot?”

“I’m not uncuffing you,” Tim says, his voice resolute.

“Okay, not what I asked,” Dick says, trying to figure out if he can reach for any of the panic buttons on him without Tim noticing.

🥺

Alrighty! Let's crack into this scene!

Honestly, all of RRRR is so much fun for me to write, but I especially have fun when I'm playing around with who has access to what kinds of information. In this particular scene, Tim has access to a whole lot more information than Dick does because Tim remembers all the previous loops and Dick doesn't.

Tim is also, to put it loosely, at the end of his rope here. Because he keeps waking up to Dick joking with him in the kitchen and Dick not remembering the day before, and that means that Tim (and all the other Bats) failed. It means that Dick died again and the day has repeated.

So he's trying to do his best to keep Dick alive, but he also knows that Dick isn't going to understand why they're doing this. And he does feel bad about the fact that he's going to lock Dick in the medbay without any real explanation as to why.

There is also contributing factors into why they collectively didn't tell Dick for several loops that I'm withholding because Dick doesn't know it so my lovely readers don't get to know it either, lol. That's my secret to keep (at least for now ;)).

So Tim has much more of the picture than Dick does and he's swiftly running out of ideas on how he can keep Dick alive through the day, which is what everyone is pretty sure is the end condition because Dick's death restarts the loop immediately.

Hence the Batcuff.

Tim also knows that he has to move fast because Dick has been doing this longer than Tim has, so he has a plan in place and he's not taken by surprise, which is why he's able to grab the belt away from the table.

Dick then gets to have the very reasonable response of asking why Tim locked him to the medbay and Tim, who is having a much different conversation, tells Dick that he's not unlocking him, because eventually that was where the conversation would go and he's cutting right to the point. His reaction leads to Dick trying to start problem solving in that he needs to push a panic button (because you cannot convince me that there are not several Bruce mandated panic buttons on all the Bats at all times) to alert everyone else that Tim is not behaving rationally as far as Dick is concerned.

This scene is important because it starts the loop where Dick does get told about the time loop and then hears his family start dying without the opportunity for him to go help them in any meaningful way until it would be too late, but they've already communicated to him what the restart condition is. And all that starts here, with Tim making the decision to try and prevent Dick from escaping in his own way.

From a the writer's view, I needed Dick in the medbay for this loop, and Tim was the perfect vessel for it! The rest is just fun stuff I get to add on top for extra flavor, lol!

Ask for more fic DVD commentary!

#batfam #batfamily #dick grayson #tim drake #ask game #fanfic ask game #fic dvd commentary #anonymous

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to-be-a-dreamer · 5 hours ago

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Jumping onto your post about Tommy and cancel culture. People need to remember the general audience for 9-1-1 is people in their forties and fifties, who most likely did shitty things very similar to the things Tommy did in the begins episodes at one point in their lives, then grew and changed in the same way he did. So the notion that the show would circle back to before this obvious growth and portray him as some sort of irredeemable monster is laughable. Because they would be alienating a big chunk of their audience by doing that.

Post that Anon is talking about for reference (it could also be this one but the other one links back to this one anyway)

This is exactly why I have a love-hate relationship with Josh's monologue from Episode 6!! Because it is absolutely true that younger queer people (or queer people who came out in more recent years) who haven't learned their history could never understand the kind of things people had to do to protect themselves. And I immediately clocked that the whole plotline about Abby was supposed to be an indirect explanation for why Tommy acted the way he did in the flashback episodes and it was actually the writers subtly speaking to the viewers who still didn't understand. And that's such an important conversation to have but I don't know why they didn't just make the episode about that instead of bringing Abby into it.

Like, it would have been so much more impactful and just as easy if, instead of Tommy offhandedly mentioning he was Abby's ex-fiance, Chim and Hen were joking about how Tommy used to act when Gerard was captain of the 118. And instead of Buck not understanding why a gay person in the 2000s wouldn't feel safe enough to come out, he could wrestle with the fact that Tommy had once been a bigot who hurt his friends and we could see him work through that with the viewers.

I dunno if they just didn't know how to write that or if they're afraid they wouldn't be able to redeem Tommy to certain viewers if they acknowledged that part of his backstory and preferred to just keep ignoring it in the hopes that people would just move on. But the fact is that Tommy's story is relatable to so many people who watch 9-1-1 and I'm sure a lot of them were excited to see that portrayed on TV. And I'm just really sad for those people who have to see other fans act like they don't deserve to be happy.

Queer history isn't all drag queens and Stonewall riots. It's also people like Tommy who had to hide who they were and do shit they shouldn't have because not everyone is brave enough to throw the first brick. Even today, being queer in real life isn't always like Heartstopper or Buddie fanfictions. Sometimes it's scary and it's messy and there are so many good people who do a lot of bad shit out of fear. And maybe you don't think that's right but it happens and those people deserve the chance to redeem themselves and be a part of the community. It's time we start telling their stories too, not just the perfectly noble ones.

#maybe you've never actively participated in racist or homophobic actions like tommy did #but if you claim you've never allowed people around you to say something bigoted without speaking up or calling them out #because you were afraid of what would happen to you #you're either a liar or extremely privileged #and you either need to do some soul-searching or you need to sit down learn your history and listen to what others have to say #because i think we can all see a little of ourselves in tommy #and it's so important for us to be able to acknowledge that that behavior isn't right #but it is possible to redeem yourself and make up for it if you put in the work #911 discourse #911 abc #911 show #tommy kinard #bucktommy #tevan #buck x tommy #thank you thank you for the ask

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slaaverin · 2 days ago

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I have only known BTS for a few years (since 2020). I believe that Jimin and Jungkook are in a relationship. It’s not because of the big, loud moments, but the small, soft, subtle ones (not just actions but also words, looks, and touches).

What moments, big and/or small, convinced you that Jikook are in a relationship?

Oh I'm glad you noticed jikook even from 2020!

When I became an ARMY, I noticed them right away. There was already something sus to me in the touches and the glances.

Then I went into the rabbit hole to understand and find out more.

I think many things convinced me, first it was the whole push and pull era.

Jimin so vocal and obvious about his crush on Jungkook, and the whole dynamic coming from this. The way Jungkook was unsure but later started chasing Jimin. I don't know but everything was so crystal clear.

I will put one of my edit on this era as a reminder:

youtube

This already somewhat convinced me there was definitely something going on.

And then I saw GCF Tokyo and it solidified it for me.

Jungkook was clearly in love with Jimin. The video screamed it.

Then I was very lucky to be around when 2 significant moments happened. And when they did I already had a bit of comprehension about those two but this was just the nail on the coffin.

This moment was so incredibly huge when it happened, it was something never seen before. I already suspected they were together, but this moment screamed boyfriends so loud that I couldn't doubt it anymore. Plus all the little moments from those specific concerts where Jungkook was seated. It all came together when Jimin sat on Jungkook's lap.

And the last and definitive thing that made me go "Ok this is bigger than I ever imagined" was this one:

This whole evening right here is always going to be iconic for jikookers. When I experienced it with everyone else it was absolutely mind-blowing and earth shattering. They were both in their own world that night not caring one bit about anyone around them and their love was shining through soooo strongly that I thought "Ok, I get it, they are together, they are in love, and it is very special"

That night I will always remember with such a fondness as a jikooker. Staying up late to watch the award ceremony with everyone and getting glimpses of jikook as the night went by. It's making me emotional to talk about it.

I know it is debated whether Jungkook truly said he was Jimin's husband that night, but personally I believe he did (surely in a playful manner because Jimin smacked him right after) but this felt like a decisive and important moment.

Also in this period, they were on tour so we kept getting small moments all the time.

This plus that and this and that I was like??? It's not possible they are not together.

And the vlives were also incredibly telling.

The tension was so unbearable and I always felt like I was thirdweeling and I was holding my breath because who could predict what those two might do?

And as time went by I learned about so many details from them, so many little things, but everything added up. It just all made so much sense.

After that there was no denying anymore, I was fully convinced. Then we had Rosebowl and everything else but it was just furthering everything I already knew.

It was just a matter of enjoying and celebrating their bond.

I always loved doing this with my edits. I came in the game "late" but still I wanted to share with people what jikook made me feel. I wanted to share their story and their love with everyone.

This has been my greatest joy ever since.

I think as an ARMY from 2018, it was way easier to become a jikooker back then, because as I said there were so many moments happening all the time that their relationship was really in your face. I feel that now people really need to go dig up everything to find the original content, and so many jikook moments that many jikookers still have in mind might remain forgotten and never discovered for many which is a shame.

Thank god we have channels like best of jikook to help gather the moments all in one place.

I've also been thinking of putting something together myself for next year before they come out of MS, but I'm still pondering it.

Anyway, I think you're right, I pointed to you two big moments for me, but it is not *only* those moments that convinced me. It was everything in between. The small things. So when the bigger ones came it was just like "of course". Everything was only further confirmation. And it really never stopped until this day.

That's why I never understood the doubters. I think so many of them forget everything that happened. 10 years of content of jikook being in love. If anything their love has kept getting bigger and bigger over time.

And AYS was on a whole new level.

I honestly can't wait for them to come out of MS to be here for the rest of their story 💜🥰

Thank you for your ask anon and take care 🫂

#jikook #kookmin #jimin #jungkook #ask

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blujayonthewing · 2 years ago

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#I've played with irl atheists and catholics and everything in between #but it rarely feels like faith is a real factor for anyone-- DM or player #outside of‚ again‚ divine spellcasters and Big Epic Plot Things #I mean there are a couple of 'RAAAHGH FUCK THE GODS >:C' edgy backstory types but #no one is just Normally Culturally Religious and it's WEIRD #like it's not even a matter of faith in dnd! the gods are LITERALLY OBJECTIVELY PROVABLY REAL #so what does that MEAN for the average person! how does it shape language? business? culture?#where are the people wearing holy symbols like amulets-- or the way modern christians very casually wear crosses?#blessings over meals? prayers before bed? burnt offerings?#and like I enjoy thinking about world and culture building but I know that's A Whole Thing but even just like...#it doesn't feel like anyone believes in gods at all except clerics and paladins #like they DO because they factually exist but in the same way I 'believe in' like. the president of france.#like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever #that's such a fucking weird approach to the DIVINE in a polytheist world where those gods are YOUR CULTURE'S GODS??#I am bad at this myself but I'm not religious so it's harder for me to remember what Being Religious All The Time Casually is like lol #funny enough my character with the most intentionally religious background in this sense #is one of my ones who's ended up wrapped up in Big Plot God Things lmao #'aubree starts the campaign with a holy symbol of yondalla because of course she does why wouldn't she'#'oh okay well she's gonna get deeply and personally entangled with a bunch of death gods immediately' fdkjghkdf oh!! welp #you don't really pray to urogalan unless you're breaking ground for a new building or someone just died so it's STILL weird for her lol #but at least I had the framework there of 'oh yeah the gods exist and matter to me and my everyday life and culture' in general #about me #posts from twitter

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trans-leek-cookie · 27 days ago

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listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy

#Mouthwashing spoilers #Rape ment #Suicide ment #SA ment #Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy #if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words #Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like #Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing #That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive #Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it #And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't #Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him #That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it #Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know #Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it #I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe #But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear #But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively #Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping #The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya #When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy #But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do #Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash

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cdroloisms · 17 days ago

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Oh I was just haunted by jmah!Dream’s deteriorating mental state

:C my BOYYY

and it's awful, too, because it's not like Dream is in a particularly good state of mind when the prison starts in the first place. and he's in here because he's terrified (and he's in here as punishment) and he's in here because even though Sam hates him--and he's ensured that Sam hates him, and he's planning to do more to make sure of that fact as well (in canon, c!Dream is talking to c!Sam 'all about exile' in those first few days)--Sam will do his job. he trusts him to do his job. he knows Sam, the man that he's worked with for the last month on this project, on making sure this prison is as secure as it can possibly be, one of the final few people to work with him before the events of the green festival, doomsday, staged finale etc. made sure he'd stand alone, just where he was supposed to. this is a Dream that's already been swimming in the lava before Sam travels back in time.

unlike Sam's betrayal in canon, there's nothing slow about what happens in JMAH. there's no ability for him to cope and go yeah, Sam's being kind of serious, but it's no big deal, yeah, this place kind of sucks, but it's survivable, yeah, there's some mistreatment, but I expected that. in an instant, Sam goes from a predictable cog in the machine meant to keep him alive into a stranger hellbent on torturing the fuck out of him, and he has no idea why. Sam is nowhere near as straightforward as Quackity in explaining what the hell he wants out of Dream--he asks for the book, sure, but also for information, also for complete obedience, also for explanations for things he shouldn't know and punishments for things he never did. there is no promise that the revive book will end anything, for this Dream, and no one to give him anything at all but the Warden.

just ,, the lengths to which this Sam is willing to go, the intensity of his obsession, the way he'd be left reeling with no choice other than to endure and wonder why breaks my heart. Dream has no fucking clue to what end this is all for, and i think he struggles a lot with that. worse than just the torture, perhaps, is the familiarity, the sparks of something that is almost fondness, the satisfaction in Sam's voice when he's gotten something and Dream isn't even sure what he's just given away--and maybe it'd be easier to understand if what Sam wanted from him were any more straightforward, if the desire could pan out as something as simple as sadistic pleasure at hurting him or deriving some kind of gratification from making him submit or wanting power or to eliminate a threat or anything, but all that is clear is that Sam wants something from him and will stop at nothing to get it.

c!Dream and identity is already a finicky thing as well as his whole complex about himself and evil--c!Dream thinks he's a person that does evil things to achieve good ends, but he struggles pretty heavily, honestly, with himself-as-evil and being viewed as evil-and-just-evil and actually being the tyrant-villain-monster-snake-that-just-bites, etc, which means that there is a level of vulnerability here when it comes to how he sees himself and builds his identity and the constant, relentless onslaught of . pain and torture combined with Sam justifying it all by Who He Is Innately and monologuing about how he deserves it all, because c!Dream isn't a person that doesn't think that punishment as a concept is wrong and doesn't necessarily disagree that he's evil either. and again. torture self harm box of mental illness. and part of the problem with a Sam that's fresh from Daedalus and then thrust into kind of the worst possible position of reflecting on those conversations by being in a place where he's able to fall hard on old habits to copium his way out of dealing with anything he personally might have done (because obviously he can just Fix It Now) while also having the additional cope of i-am-godsent-to-make-everything-better BY keeping dream in a box, you kind of get a situation where both Dream and Sam are psychologically in pretty vulnerable places and then you're taking a torture machine hammer to those stress points. so it's fun.

i have no clue if that last paragraph made any kind of sense btw.

but ... yeah. even for any character in any kind of state the insane torture contraption of torture efficiency would be. erm. extremely damaging to one's mental health, to say the least. the only good thing for dream i guess is that sam still has his head too far up his own ass to actually git gud at conditioning anyone deliberately and is therefore still largely skating by By Accident, because otherwise his head would've been even more blendered than it already gets.

#just me and him au #my asks !!#of course his head already sucks ass so #i think re: the prison arc c!Dream had a lot of vulnerabilities that i don't think he or sam or quackity or whatever like. recognized #because in general people's perception of c!dream didn't tend to match up very well with who the guy actually was #for reasons including his own complete lack of self awareness and how deeply delusional people tended to be about him always #but that being said. like. i think it's important to remember that for all that daedalus gives us insight on what c!dream sees #as like. good and evil #he's still very sure of his being evil. and visibly struggles with that later in the finale and snake speech #being sure of his actions and the ends justifying the means by no means translates into confidence in his own identity #c!dream tends to be sure of what he has to do. who he is? not so much #(versus c!sam's DELUSIONAL ASS confidence in Who He Is and Who Dream Is and how that informs EVERYTHINGGGG)#c!dream is who he needs to be and in the right circumstances that means you can make him who you need him to be #i think that sam and dream's issues can be in certain situations much more compatible than people realize sometimes #and it's in those situations where you get the worst kind of feedback loops for both characters.for sure

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