#i don't like having roommates they make me very anxious and if i hear them talking about someone

[stabortega]

SAM CARPENTER HCS — DATING HER

Summary: What it would be like to date Sam Carpenter.

Pairings: Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader.

Warnings: SFW & NSFW. Implied fem reader, she/her pronouns used. MDNI.

Author's note: Not much to say, look at those arms tho. 🤤

MASTERLIST.

SFW:

You've met Sam through her job (one of them).

She's a waitress at one of your favorite diners, but after seeing her face, you had one more reason to go eat there everyday.

Sam had issues and that was obivous.

You didn't knew what had happened, and Sam didn't knew if that was a good or a bad thing.

You knew something was off when you looked at her, while she was serving your morning coffee, and she would just look away.

Like if she wanted to look, but she couldn't.

One day, the diner was about to close and she was cleaning everything up, while you finished your last mug of coffee.

So, you handed her your phone number written on that 10 dollar bil that Sam swore she wouldn't keep it.

And of course, she did. She rather have 10 dollars out of her paycheck than to miss the opportunity of having your number.

Sam was scared.

Everyone who came into her life got involved into her mess, one way or another. She didn't wanted that for you.

And although she didn't even knew a single thing about you (despite the fact that you liked your coffee black), she cared deeply about you.

But after you guys started exchanging texts, she realized that all she wanted was to be herself with you.

Behind all of that protectiveness, Sam was just insecure. She just didn't felt safe anymore.

And she hated not having control of things.

Which is why you guys' first date made her anxious as fuck.

She didn't knew what do to, or what to say. She was scared to drive you away with all of her baggage.

But you, and thank god for that, took the matters into your own hands.

Being the extroverted girl you always were, you talked about pretty much everything all night. All of your favorite movies, your favorite music.

You even explained to Sam why purple was the superior color for a good amount of time.

And all of the anxiety she felt before, suddenly was gone.

Needless to say she kissed you goodnight after that amazing date.

Sam proved herself to be an amazing girlfriend, actually.

You would visit her at the diner everyday, sometimes you guys would even walk home together.

But for a very especific reason, Sam would never let you go upstairs to her place.

And you didn't knew why; she never told you.

You thought it could be her sister who didn't liked you, her friends who thought you might be weird; maybe she was a secret hoarder.

But all of the questioning came to an end when she drove you to college one day, and your friends saw her face for the first time.

"Holy shit, is that the Woodsboro girl?" One of your friends said after she left.

"Who?" You asked, confused.

"You don't know what she did? Dude, she's a murderer."

That night, you and Sam had a heated argument.

You were sad that after 6 months of dating, she couldn't even be real with you. It's like she didn't even trusted you enough.

"How would I tell this to you, (Y/N)?? No one teaches you to tell your girlfriend that you had to kill someone, god damnit." You took a deep breath, and looked at her.

"Look at me, baby. I don't care what you did, what you had to do, or what happened back in that town. I believe in you. I trust you." And that was what Sam needed to hear. From anybody. From you.

After that argument, you guys rarely fought anymore. You gave her time, and space. You understood her issues, you took care of her.

Eventually, you got to meet her friends, her roommates,and especially her sister, Tara.

And you guys hit it off right away, which made Sam so happy and relieved.

"You really like her, don't you?" Tara said, while Sam and her were together in the kitchen. Sam looked at you and Chad playing some Mario Kart together, laughing and making fun of each other while Mindy and all of the gang were laughing as well.

"Yeah, I do."

Sam is the kind of girlfriend who pretty much always wants to break up with you because her mind tells her to do so.

She's just too scared to hurt you, to bring you into her life.

But she's also very caring, being the most incredibly sweet girl you've ever met.

When she's home from work, tired, all she wants do to is cuddle you and feel your fingers onto her her.

She's just a huge softie sometimes.

NSFW:

Everything about Sam being a softie doesn't apply here.

It took you guys a certain amount of time to finally have sex.

Mainly because Sam was just insecure.

But when you finally did, you've asked yourself how the fuck could she be so insecure?

She was just that good.

Sam is a dom most of the times, like I've said; she feels safer when she's in control.

And she's a good dom, lemme tell you that.

She's the kind of dom who wants to overstimulate you so bad until you use your safe word.

She wants to make you feel the better you've ever felt.

Her favorite position is the missionary (especially with the strap).

There's something about looking at your face while she fucks you raw that just gets her going.

One of her biggest kinks is also mommy daddy kink.

And she kinda found out by accident.

You were supposed to call her mommy, just like she'd asked you.

Somehow, daddy came out instead.

And now she won't stop railing you untill you call her that again. And again.

And again.

She's VERY into dirty talking.

She could easily make you cum just by whispering all of the things she wanna do with you.

"Fuck, you like that? Look at your fucking face, you wished I was fucking your mouth too. God, you're such a slut. Your pussy is made for me to fuck."

And at that point she was fucking you so good that all you could do was nod and whimper.

Sam also prefers to fuck at your place, mainly because she's terrified that Tara finds out she has a sex life.

And let's never forget about the day Mindy has caught you two.

"Oh, my god! I am so, so sorry- Wait, is that a butt plug?"

So now Sam's traumatized enough.

And also, she has a huge toy collection that she absolutely adores using on you.

Like I've said, overstimulation is a big thing for her, and she wants to fuck you in every way possible.

And at the same time.

"Fuck, look at you... So fucking tight yet so ready for me, huh?" She whispered while she was fucking your ass with one of the plugs. "Bet daddy can make you cum just by fucking your ass, don't you think?"

But when Sam bottoms, though.

Seeing her so vulnerable, so submissive, gets you going like crazy.

Sam didn't allowed herself to be in that position for a very long time, it's safe to say she's insecure about that too. But you respected her time, her space.

And now she's a whore in bed with you.

Sam loves when you fuck her in all fours, it makes her feel like she's a dog in heat and that makes her crazy.

When you pull her hair, slap her ass, god.

She has a big mirror in her room, and something about watching you fuck her gets her so turned on.

And you knew that.

"Look up, baby. Look at your face while I'm fucking that tight pussy of yours."

Also, she has zero gag reflex. You do whatever you want with that information.

Being completely honest here, Sam doesn't really knew much about aftercare.

Mainly because all of the people she's been with never really cared enough to do it, so she was unaware.

But, of course, you taught her. And you took care of her.

And everytime you guys were done, she would look at you and ask if you were okay, if she hurt you too much.

She loved you too much to hurt you, at that point.

[moiravim]

Roughen Up Part 3: Reunions

Roughen Up Masterlist

Sirius Black

I'm going to talk to my sister. I need to speak with her. Remus made me realize that. I wish everyone was a little more like Remus.

I jump out of bed, making both Remus and James look at me confused. I walk out before they can say anything. I don't want to make this a big deal.

My thought process backfires because James follows me out. "Sirius. Where are you going? What are you doing? You need to stop running off like this."

I don't want to answer him but I know I have to, or else he'll follow me all the way to the slytherin common room.

"I'm going to talk to my sister, James! Please, just... Leave me alone."

He looks at me with a guilty expression before nodding and walking out. I feel bad, but I have greater problems.

I walk through the halls, walking down to the slytherin common room. I can't get in because the password has changed recently, so I wait for a slytherin to open the door so I can sneak in.

A slytherin boy in the year ahead of me walks up and opens the door. He gives me a weird look, but I follow him into the common room.

The Slytherins in the room see visibily upset that I'm here, but I don't care. I look around for my sister, but I don't see her. Although, I do see her roommate.

"Hey! Dorcas, right? Where's my sister?", I asked. She looks at me with a confused expression before responding; "she's probably in the library. She's always in there. Why?".

I ignore her question, nodding before storming out of the common room. I'm starting to become anxious about talking to her and I wonder if I should go back to my common room. I don't.

I find myself opening the library door.

Regulus Black

I need to talk to someone about this, about me. That I want to be a boy. I can't tell Sirius, he won't support me. I wish Pandora had stayed a little longer. Maybe I would've told her. She seems very open minded, and if things go wrong it barely matters because I just met her.

I can't loose my brother. Or have I already lost him?

I get up and walk towards the bookshelf. I hate these books. I like reading Sirius' muggle books. He has a small collection of them, but from the ones I've read, they're better.

The door opens but I ignore it until I hear the words, "I need to speak to you".

It's my brother, I know it is. I turn around and look at him, confused.

"What do you need?", I respond with an annoyed tone. I don't want to talk to him. But maybe I could tell him how I feel. Would it be worth it?

I try to list the good and bad things that could happen. First the bad things; I'd say I could loose my brother, but he already hates me. I geuss he could out me too.

Now the good things; I could get support, help with transitioning, and possibly fix my relationship with him.

I make my decision, "Sorry. Your right. I need to talk to you, too". He looks at me like he wasn't expecting that.

"Okay... Um... Would you like to go somewhere more private?", he asks. I nod.

We go into one of the private study rooms in the library.

He sits in the chair in front of me and begins, "I don't want to loose you. Your my sister. I miss how things used to be". I cringe at the word "sister".

I think about what to say. Nothing comes out. "I don't understand why you are acting like this", he adds.

"I'm transgender. I want to be a boy. The fact that I'm a girl makes me want to kill myself". Silence.

Dorcas Meadows

The party's been fun so far. Other than a strange conversation I had with Sirius when the party was starting.

I haven't made any friends yet this year, but the atmosphere is nice. Everyone is having fun.

A girl has caught my attention. I think she may be a Gryffindor because she's with Lily Evans. She has blonde hair up to her shoulders, and a bright red dress that matches her lips.

I try to make my way closer to her. I pretend like I'm getting another drink and then I stand by where her and her friends stood.

The lighting was dim and the music was loud, making it impossible for me to talk to her. What's the worst that could happen if I just go up and dance with people I don't know?

I put my drink down on the windowsill and walk onto the dancefloor.

"Hey!", I try to yell over the loud music. This is completely out of character for me, but it just feels right. And I may be getting a little drunk.

"Hi!", she shouts back with a wide smile. Her friends leave, going to do their own thing, leaving her with me.

"What's your name?", I ask, my voice still raised. "Marlene! And you?"

"Dorcas."

We continue to dance. Eventually dancing turns into dancing together. I try to get as close to her as possible without making it too obvious.

I cannot keep my eyes off her lips. She's dancing and I'm dancing. I take a step closer to her and she smiles at me.

I put my hands on each side of her head, grasping her hair. I lean in to kiss her, but then I pause.

What am I doing? I don't even know if she's gay. To be quite honest, I don't even remember her name. Marlene, was it?

What if I'm not her type? Since one have I cared about these type of things. I should just kiss her-

My thoughts are interrupted by her pulling me in and kissing me. We're both smiling, and when we pull away, I laugh a sound of relief.

A/N: Three chapters in a week, this has to be a record for me haha. Hopefully you guys like how this story is going so far. :) <3 Also, sorry for the flashing on the gif. I know it's annoying, but it was just perfect for this chapter.

@jegulusposts @thestarslittleking @doingyourmom069

[undercover-author]

Marble Hornets + UnderTale soul color assignment list!!

Jay: Red - Determination.

No matter what, he never gave up, for better ... Or worse. Even before he was shot, he called out to Alex, determined to reason with him and to solve things non-violently. Though, because of this, his determination wound up being his downfall. Didn't anyone ever tell him that too much of a virtue could be a vice?

Masky: Orange - Bravery.

He certainly was brave, alright. Bravery isn't the lack of fear. No, true bravery is perseverance through your fears. Along with that, Masky's first solution to any problem is to tackle it. If that's not bravery, and maybe a little bit of stupidity, I don't know what is.

Alex: Yellow - Justice

While yes, Alex is a murderer; he was, in his own, sick and twisted way, looking for justice. He believed that because of this fact, his actions were justified. My opinions on Alex Kralie are a topic for another day, but I will say, I do not think he is a good person, nor do I think he was justified. Nonetheless, he tried to kill Tim in the name of justice. He tried to kill everyone he knew had the Operator Sickness to destroy the Operator. For Justice.

Jessica: Green - Kindness

I was tempted to assign her integrity, but she did lie to Jay a few times. Reasonably so, since at the time she had no idea who she was. But she was one of the kindest people in the whole series. She got a call from a stranger about her missing roommate and upon hearing that Amy was, in fact, not with Alex, she was willing to go to great lengths to help find her. The last thing we hear from her is that she wanted to meet Jay, asking where he was. Then, when Tim had fallen to the ground in a coughing fit, she asked, "Should I call an ambulance?!" She resembles true kindness in the hellish world that is Marble Hornets

Hoodie: Cyan - Patience

Oh, this man is nothing if not patient. Maybe a little god comlex-y but that's... actually, no, that's a part of my point. Hoodie seemed to feel that he was both in control of everything and in control of nothing. To me, he seemed to set up pieces and wait for them to all fall into place. He'd post a cryptic totheark entry and wait for Jay to crack the code. He'd lure people to places and wait for them to find whatever he sent them there for. He was patient with Jay and how thick his skull could be. Though, he was less patient with Tim in season three, when his control began to slip out of his hands, Hoodie still tried to give him time. Even in the end, when his fate was expressly clear, he simply waited for his time and when it came he let go.

Brian: Blue - Integrity

I define integrity with the definition I was told in the second grade; Doing the right thing, even when no one is watching, even when nobody asks. Now, originally, I was going to assign Brian kindness. He and Jessica would have been switched. But, going off the definition I just gave, kindness would be encompassed into it. I would like to say Brian had a lot of integrity. He invited Alex to go with himself and Tim to dinner, he auditioned for Marble Hornets in the first place, wishing to help his friend with his project, so on. But I'd like to turn your attention to entry 51, this is where I feel Brian's integrity is on full display. He is anxious about trespassing, but still wants to help Alex. Once he wakes up, though, what is his main concern? Finding Alex, likely to make sure he's okay. What does he do when he discovers Tim? Brian rushes to his side with worry very clear in his voice. He even tries to help him up to get Tim the fuck outa there. (It's very likely not Tim, rather being Masky, but not the point here.) Brian could have just as easily ran the hell away, but he wanted to help his friends, even if it was risky one way or another.

Tim: Purple - Knowledge

Prefacing this with the fact that I know the canon virtue for the purple soul is perseverance and while, yes, that would fit Tim, I personally like to say it's knowledge because determination and perseverance are essentially the same thing and I think knowledge or curiosity would fit the items better.

With this one, I'd like to focus on the fact that from the start, Tim had more knowledge than he let on. Of course, it was limited due to his amnesia and, for the sake of debate, dissociation. In this paragraph, we are separating Masky from Tim and going along with the popular theory that Tim has Dissociative Identity Disorder because that is how I, personally perceive his character. But, time and time again, it's hinted that Tim knows so much more than he lets Jay see and eventually, we, too, come to know most, if not all of what he went through and the knowledge he kept

BONUS!!

Seth: Blue - Integrity

Seth really was just trying to help Alex out. Even after Alex's whole blow up at him, he still apologized.

Sarah: Cyan - Patience

If there was a color for sass, I'd give her that, but working with hot-headed Kralie, you know damn well she had to have a hell of a lot of patience working with him

Amy: Green - Kindness

Even after Alex lied to her however many times she did, she still stayed with him. It caused her premature death, but until the very end, all she ever did was love him. GOD I LOVE AMY

Tunnel Guy: Blue - Integrity

This man saw a stranger in a tunnel and went to try and help him since he was concerned for Alex's wellbeing. This man!! Saw a total stranger!! And tried to help him!! AND HE GOT KILLED FOR IT!!! BRUHH???

[nozoroomie]

Bit of a personal ramble since sometimes, you just gotta do one. tws will be in the tags

I have had a very long 2023 so far. I was put on medical leave at the end of February due to my job situation changing in the company I'm employed at, as well as not acknowledging/ taking care of my grief from losing Meredith. I'm on a list to get a psych evaluation but it's quite a long waiting list in my area, so I might not see someone for a while yet. I've been off of work since March, but have been actively trying to find a new job/ new field to work in while also taking care of myself and my mental health.

Grief is... it's just consuming. It comes out of no where and its overwhelming. It makes me feel alienated from my friends and family, even more so because of the preexisting anxiety and depression. I'm trying my best to stay social with people, do things that would make me happy, but I disassociate a lot. I sometimes feel like I'm just kinda looking in and that I just don't.. I dunno, fit? I get anxious about what to do and say in conversation that there's nothing to overthink about. I feel scared that I'm too depressed to hangout with friends and like I'll ruin it just being there. I don't know what to talk about without being scared I'll make people uncomfortable if I start mentioning anything that brings me into talk of emotions or feelings. I get exhausted thinking about crying. I know it's healthier to feel feelings and express them, but I'm tired of it sapping all my energy for the day afterward. I'm tired of my roommate checking in with me and then saying "Same shit, different day" and him just having to hear me vent about the same thing. My medication helps me do the things I need to function, like eating, getting up, taking care of my animals, but when it comes to actually dealing with all of this I feel like I just can't navigate it. Anyway, all this to say even after all this time, I go back to work in a couple weeks and I'm just not ready for it, especially since I hate this new position and there's literally nothing I can do about it. I applied for almost 40 jobs on my leave and only had one interview that I didn't get a call back for. I got certified to work as a budtender since earlier this year there were literally dozens of budtender positions, and if I had the cash at the moment I'd be doing my smart serve as well, but god. No calls back from anything but one place. It's ridiculous, especially with people complaining nobody wants to work (aka the excuse all the business owners use when people want a living wage and not bare minimum wage.) And that's that for job hunting. I'm hoping one day I can at least find passion for things again and get back into a creative habit, but until then I'm just going to keep trying to navigate these murky waters one day at a time.

[recusation]

I hooked up with this guy in his mid 20s yesterday afternoon. He was very friendly and earnest, which was very refreshing to encounter. When he showed up he knocked on my door (rare), introduced himself when he came in (also rare), and walked through my apartment without being anxious about running into any of my roommates which was nice.

He asked if he could douche at my place, which was fine with. But the ease that someone would bring up the weather on the bus, he held a full conversation with me through the bathroom door while I played World of Warcraft and tried to remember if I left any stray pill bottles in my bathroom cabinets. For whatever reason, listening to him in this context didn't feel as awkward it probably should have been. I just let him talk and mindlessly wandered in STV in the meantime.

I learned was from a small town slightly outside of my city, about 40 minutes away, he had 2 jobs, and had to commute here for one of them. He likes Super Smash Bros, and wants to go to college (again). He was also very well-mannered; He asked permission to come out of the bathroom naked, and he asked if he could join me in bed before he climbed in.

The sex was good. He likes getting his neck kissed and hair pulled. He makes good eye contact and says what I need to hear. He's cute. It was nice making him feel good.

When we finished, he asked if I could hold him for a bit, and I agreed. He seemed pretty eager to talk, and I listened as he explained his situation and plans to me. He buried his head in my chest and told me how much he liked it in the city and that he was excited for school, with an eagerness that unnerved me a bit. I realized as he talked, that he was legitimately excited about life in a way that I have not ever really felt. There was a degree of surrealness to it. He was doing and expressing a desire to live and thrive so casually that it made me feel disconnected from myself in a way that is very hard to describe.

I really struggle to imagine a future for myself, and I have trouble pushing myself to want things for myself. I'm in this kind of limbo, where I continue to live inspite of myself. I keep existing, and life keeps moving but I don't really feel any attachment my life. I dunno.

Regardless, seeing this quasi-stranger be so hopeful and driven was very endearing. I couldn't help myself but to urge him to talk more until it was time for him to leave.

I won't act like it was life changing or anything, but I'm reminded by this encounter that I need to really work on myself and get some goals again. I've gotten comfortable being uncomfortable and unhappy and I really need to do something about it.

[sincelastsession]

I'm so tired and overwhelmed.

Yesterday my partner helped me a bit and then went to do his own thing. I had to make sure to eat. I had to go find a nice tree and observe it. I had to shirk all responsibilities for the day. I fucked up on the shirk responsibilities.

I fucked up by calling my mom, my psychiatrist's office to change appointments, and cleaning when I should have left it. I'm not mad at myself, I'm not punished, he wanted me to relax, it's hard to relax on my own and it helped.

My mom and dad do not understand that I need to move. I don't think they take me seriously. My ptsd and autistic sensory issues are on fire. It's hard to get anything done without earplugs in or a headset. I have cried to my mother on the phone. She made everything about herself. She was nasty and cruel. I'm not speaking with my dad because I have gotten no apology or heard of changed behavior. Mom is often very difficult but easier to talk to. Yesterday she was very difficult and awful to me. It ruined my sense of accomplishment for the day.

Today is not going well. I'm worried my partner is mad at me because tone is hard to read over text and I said something stupid in response to something he was Thrilled about. It's making my stomach turn. I'm worried he will be done with me I always worry that.

Turned out my brain is very mean and scared like a feral animal. Oh wait. Isn't that part of my brain still there completely overactive and not wanting to go out of hypervigiliance causing me all the problems?

It is.

He called me and I tried my best to listen more because he didn't feel like I'd been listening. I have since forgotten half if what he said and I feel like an asshole but I know it's stress. Things just kept popping up that I was excited to tell him about and I was so scared I'd forget. I think I gave him most of the conversation this time. There was more I said in text later. He helped me shop today. I was having a hard time just leaving my apartment and I keep waking up extremely anxious. Today it was not easy but better than expected. Me and my partner covered so many subjects. He complimented me on many things and it was the longest conversation we've had in months. It's cool to have a partner who lol may be a pain in the ass and have his problems but he seems to want to grow and I love that about him. His truck broke later and he and his roommate handled it. We did talk about the Justin situation, every man I've consulted has been basically like "nah"

Ashley who I've had a thing for for years has been flirty and I'm a bit swoony abt that. It's literally never going to be a thing but we enjoy our chats.

I'm worried about Trav. He's taking care of the issue he's having though and not to worry he says. I'm a worrier so ofc I worried and asked him if he needed a break from my chatter. He said that wasn't it and I let him know to tell me if he was burnt out chatting ever.

It's scary when things are going well in an area of your life like your relationship and friendship. I keep waiting on the other shoe to drop.

My neighbors are getting thier kids to antagonize me. I'm going to start doing witchcraft on my balcony Joshua. (Kidding sorta) but honestly what does one do with nightmare neighbors? It's late as hell and I can hear them fussing again. No one will do anything about it. I'm pissed and triggered as hell by the noise. Earplugs and headphones won't help forever and it hurts my ears to wear em all the time.

My parents basically said they'd help me find a place then had a tantrum when I showed them places because they believe they aren't safe. Then they wanted to look at the most expensive places. Then I found other places outside of the bad parts of town and they weren't satisfied with those and told me to basically fuck off abt it. I mean I'm aware of the fucking time line I know dad doesn't work and start getting paid till late next month, I know mom is busy almost 24/7 and always has a reason not to talk to me.

I'm going to bed. Very excited to be asleep. Hoping for no dreams unless they're good. It's hard to get to bed for me. I fight sleep. We all can guess why.

[ambroziadelphine]

Careful, I bite. Chapter 2

Prologue Chapter 1

"Because one of them landed here, outside my house." She said making me blink in surprise.

"Oh." I said.

"And he's been.. staying with me for a while now." She said making me raise my eyebrows in even more surprise.

"Oh?" I said, my voice raising pitch at the hesitation in her words. "So, is this just a roommate situation until they go home, or..?" I trailed off, hearing her long pause and gasping.

"Alex! You dog, did you already sleep with him?!" I whisper, trying to not laugh. "I never knew you were so impulsive. Is he hot?" I asked, suddenly really invested in this mystery man she was now living with.

"…yes." She muttered making me squeal quietly, grinning as I can just imagine her red in the face right now.

"So? What's his name?" I asked, anxious for her to continue.

"His name is Madara." She said making me raise an eyebrow.

"Isn't that the guy you really like from that anime?" I asked, my eyes bugging out for a moment as I realized what that meant. "God damnit! You get your dream guy and I'm still stuck here cuddling Hei Hei all night!" I said, spinning my chair to pout at the big stuffed Moana chicken on my bed.

"Hey, this is not the important part. We need to figure out how to get those two here so we can figure out how to send them home." She said, I nodded then smirked.

"Just those two? So, Madara would be staying here with you then?" I said, smirking knowingly as she started to sputter a response making me laugh. "Don't worry, I think I know a guy who can make some fake passports for these two. Might take a few weeks to get them though." I said, hearing her sigh in relief.

"Good. Thank you." She muttered, sighing into the phone. "Just, get them basic things like clothes and stuff, I'll send you enough to get them the basics so they can at least pass as normal people for now." She said, I chuckled and walked out of my room.

"Will do. I'll let you know when I've got the passports." I said, walking back into the kitchen as I hung up. Bradly looked at me with her brows furrowed, only having heard the very end of my sentence.

"What'd Alex say?" She asked making me sigh.

"Turns out, we're not the only ones who got anime men dumped on them randomly. Alex has one that's been living with her for a bit it seems." I said making her raise her brows.

"Really?" She asked, looking at the two men and sighing. "So they really are from a different world?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yep, and we have to get them clothes." I said, my phone dinging as I saw she had sent me the money. "Jesus Christ, she just sent me $2000 for getting them shit." I said, Bradly looking at my phone and giving me a look.

"Damn, how come so much of your family's has so much money?" She asked making me sigh and shrug.

"I have no idea." I said, before pocketing my phone and straightening up. "But, if we wanna get them stuff when we have time, its gotta be now before either of us have school or work in the way. I'm high, so you drive, I pay for gas, kay?" I said, seeing her nod.

"Sounds good." She said, throwing away the rest of her popcorn before going to get ready as I walked over to the two boys, turning the show off making them both turn to me.

"How dare you, turn it back on!" Tobirama demanded as he stood making me roll my eyes.

"So, we have decided to believe you about not being from this world. I have a cousin who thinks she can help get you guys home cause she's kinda in a similar situation, but until we can get you to her, you'll be staying here." I said, glaring at him as he stared at me in mild surprise.

"Similar situation?" Hashirama asked, standing as well as he grabbed his sword from beside him just as B came walking out of her room. "We must go to her at once then! She may know how to get us home!" He said making me roll my eyes.

"Okay, yea we already know that. Look, things are very different here then in your world. My cousin is across the border in another country, and to get into that country you need a passport which you can only get if you actually exist in this world. Which both of you, do not." I said, seeing Hashi's face drop slightly.

"So, we cannot get to her." He said, his tone somber making me sigh.

"Not exactly." I said, both men looking at me in confusion. "It's better if I don't tell you the details but I know someone who can make fake passports that can be easily passed off as real. It'll take a bit to get them though so we need to go shopping to make sure you guys have everything you'd need for everyday life here." I said, seeing their confusion not clear up which made me sigh.

"We're going to get you clothes that don't make you stick out like a sore thumb, if you come with us then you will get the option to pick what you want, if you stay here we will pick for you." Bradly said, swinging her keys in the air as she walked to the door.

"What she said." I said, urging them forward lightly, leaving no room for argument as I took Hashirama's sword out of his hand and put it on the couch, smacking Tobi's hand when he reached for his, walking behind them and locking the apartment door.

"You could have let me at least grab my sword." Tobirama muttered making me roll my eyes, poking his side in annoyance.

"You can't carry a weapon out in public here, dumbass." I said, seeing him glare at me, giving him a sweet and sarcastic smile back. "You know, even though you're an asshole, you're kinda cute. Like a ferret." I joked smugly, hearing Bradly snort a laugh in front of us, he scowled at me and turned away, sulking down the steps. We walked down to the lobby where Zack and Keith were flirting with the new front desk girl making me roll my eyes.

"Hey, Bradly!" Zack called, turning around to see us and jogging up to her. "Oh, hey, you're her cousin right? Nice to meet you while your conscious this time. Much have been one hell of a night drinking." He said making me cough as I almost laughed, turning my face away from her as Bradly looked slightly ticked off.

"Yea, it was. Well thank you again for your help last night but," She started, as she was pushing Hashirama out the door, I grabbed Tobirama's wrist. "We've got to get them back to their hotel to get the rest of their stuff before checkout." She said, both of us managing to get the two brothers out without anymore questions, I started laughing as soon as we left, Bradly grabbing my hand as she pulled me to her mustang.

"That was so bad." I laughed, the boys following behind us with confused faces.

"What did he mean?" Hashirama asked making me turn to him still giggling.

"We had to lie last night to them and say you two got so drunk you passed out so they'd help bring you up to our apartment." I said, B smacking me lightly as she unlocked the car, the hood up because of the colder early December weather, snow already blanketing the ground in the fluffy white crystals. The two men just stared at the metal machine making B and I look at each other.

"You've never seen a car, have you?" B asked, the men shaking their heads making me grin.

"Come on, it won't hurt you." I teased, pulling Tobirama's arm to the car making him yelp in protest.

"Unhand me!" He exclaimed making me chuckle, pushing him into the open door of the back seat, leaning in and putting the seatbelt over him as B lead Hashirama into the car. "This is highly inappropriate." Tobi huffed, crossing his arms when I was done buckling him in, his cheeks ever so slightly pink making me chuckle.

"No, this is you being treated exactly how your acting. Like a child." I said, pointing as I referred to himself. "Now, be a good boy and sit still." I teased, shutting the door and sitting in my own seat in front of him, B starting up the car as we all settled in.

"To the mall!" B cheered, starting the car making the two men in the back panic slightly as I laughed.

We got to the mall unscathed, the ride pretty uneventful as the two men observed their surroundings once they had calmed down. Hashirama learned how to open the windows and how to turn the heated seats in the back on, much to his delight, Tobi was mainly interested in looking out the window, occasionally looking at the dashboard as one of us adjusted the car settings. Both were interested once we had turned on the radio, playing Spotify through my phone, though we quickly realized the two had some pretty opposite tastes.

Hashirama liked more of the pop songs; though some of the words and phrases confused him or were a little vulgar for his liking, he found Ariana Grande and the weekend good, Hozier being one of his favourites which I happily agreed with. Tobirama on the other hand, he was more reluctant to say if he liked a song or not, but I still asked him whenever a new song would come on just like with Hashi. He said he didn't hate the white stripes when seven nation army came on, he wasn't a fan when Mariana and the Diamonds played, Hashirama thought it was alright but a little confusing to listen to. He liked grandson and Woodkid too, and we had a slightly questionable moment when Daddy issues by The Neighborhood came on.

I had tried to skip the song but Hashirama said he wanted to hear it so I let it play and though they both liked it, there was an awkward pause from them upon hearing the name after listening to the lyrics. I just ignored it and played some Jack Stauber next, specifically the song Coffee, I quietly sang along, thankful it was the last song as we pulled into the parking lot.

"So, how do you wanna do this? We go as a group or split up and meet up later?" Bradley asked as she backed into a parking space, turning off the car and turning to me. I looked at the two men who seemed mildly confused.

"Split up? We don't know where to go, how would that-" Tobirama started, his complaining making me roll my eyes, turning around in my seat and putting my hand over his mouth.

"She meant one of you with one of us each, dumbass." I said, taking my hand away as his usual scowl took its place.

"You have no idea who you're talking to, little girl." He snapped through gritted teeth making me smirk.

"You don't scare me." I said, my gaze narrowing as he glared back at me.

"Okay, enough angst people, we got stuff to do." Bradley said rolling her eyes at us. "How about we all just go together, so then you two don't accidentally start a fight." She said, I shrugged as Tobirama just huffed, looking away from me.

"I think that's a great idea." Hashirama said making me chuckle, opening the car door and stepping out along with everyone else, though we had to help the boys open the doors. We all walked up to the mall doors, it was unfortunately a bit crowded with it being a Saturday and all, but we'd make do.

"You people wear very strange clothing." Tobirama said, eyeing some people that glanced at him strangely. I rolled my eyes and turned around so I was walking backwards to face him.

"We think you dress very strangely too. We haven't needed armor for years so this is what happens when fashion becomes equal or greater to function in clothing." I said, turning back around as Bradley paused in front of the electronic map, tapping her lip as she looked around the map.

"Where should we go first?" She asked, turning to me. "Levi's for pants definitely." She said as if listing it off in her head as I shrugged.

"So, then we go there first and then go from there." I said, my sweater falling off my shoulder as I searched the map for the store. "You really need to calm down, B. You got med school to worry about, I'll handle getting these guys to Alex." I told her, shaking my head slightly as I memorized the way to the store, motioning the group to follow me as we begun our venture into the mall, Hashi and Tobi being sure to stick close to us in the populated halls.

I hoped this would be a quick trip, but of course,

I never knew what exactly I was getting myself into.

[phantarein]

Fuchsia pt.3

More fuchsia yay!

“Oh…” Reale said dejectedly

Day could see the worry etched across Reale's face, and he couldn't blame him for feeling overwhelmed. The gravity of the situation was sinking in for both of them.

"We'll find a way, Reale," Day reassured him. "First, let's make sure Jet calms down and we explain everything to him. Then, we'll figure out how to keep us safe from any tracking devices or unwanted attention."

Suddenly, another person enters the room. It was Rider, Day's other roommate. He noticed the tense atmosphere. Seeing that a stranger was sitting on the couch.

Rider, with his easygoing demeanor, couldn't help but be confused. He raised his brow and asked, "What's going on here? Did I miss something?"

Reale, ever the cheerful person, decided to introduce himself. He extends a hand toward Rider with a warm smile. "Hi there, I'm Reale. Nice to meet you."

Rider, always open to making new friends, shook Reale's hand. "Hey, Reale! Odd name huh, I'm called Rider! What's the occasion?

Day finally spoke up, choosing his words carefully. "Rider, there's something important I have to talk to you about. Reale is living here."

Rider's curiosity piqued, and he took a seat. "That's it? What's with the tense mood?"

Day glanced at Reale, who nodded and then began explaining the situation. He recounted how he had found Reale injured in an alley, the discovery of Reale's identity as an android... everything.

Rider listened attentively, his expression shifting from curiosity to concern as he processed the information. "So... I have some questions, if you're an android, how were you all injured? I thought a robot couldn't bleed. But it's so unexpected..."

Reale nodded. "I didn't choose this, and I don't want to make any trouble, however, I don't have any memories... I just want to help the person who saved me, Day."

Rider's demeanor suddenly changed to determined. "We'll figure things out together, count me in. I assume my boyfriend didn't like the news? Don't worry, I'll convince him."

Reale's eyes shined with gratitude. "Thank you, Rider. I appreciate your understanding."

Day nodded in agreement. "Having you on our team means a lot. And yeah, Jet didn't take the news very well. He was quite upset."

Rider stood up, "I'll go find Jet and explain things to him! He must be in his favorite bar."

As Rider left the room, Day and Reale exchanged glances. It was a small victory, but it felt like a step towards protecting Reale.

----------------------------------------------------------------------- Days had passed since then, Jet was staying in a friend's house, however today they were going to meet him up for lunch.

They had chosen a small, quiet café for their meeting, hoping that the change of scenery would make the conversation more comfortable. Day, Reale, and Rider sat at a corner table, alongside a plant lovingly nicknamed Charlie. They were anxious, as they could not guess how Jet would react.

Jjet arrived a few minutes later, fashionably late, and as he walked over to their table, there was a noticeable tension in the air. He took a seat, and his eyes flickered towards Reale.

Rider spoke up, trying to break the ice. "Jet we appreciate you coming to talk with us."

Jet nodded, "Get to the point, I'm not changing my stance unless I hear some convincing explanations."

Day took a deep breath and began to explain everything once more. He emphasized Reale's memory loss and innocence in the matter.

Jet listened intently, his expression blank. "This is a lot to take in," he admitted. "But since you're vouching for The Android so much then I'm willing to reconsider."

Day smiled before Jet intervened. "However, we'll have to make a deep search and remove whatever tracking device he has."

Day's smile faded as Jet raised the issue. It was a valid concern, however, it would mean they'd have to... tear him open.

Reale, uneasy about the prospect, understood the necessity. "If it helps ensure our safety, I'm willing to do it"

Jet nodded in approval. "Good. We'll need to find someone who can do it discreetly, and who has experience with androids..."

Rider chimed in, "I know a person who's good with tech, I can reach out to her and see if she can help."

Day was nervous about the procedure, however, it wasn't an option to back out. "It's okay really, we'll make sure you'll be safe."

Reale offered a sunny smile. "I trust you, and I want to help however I can"

"Sounds like a plan." Day said, trying to maintain a positive attitude. "Let's contact her right now."

"Sure, sure, so impatient!" Said Rider while taking out his phone. As he waited for the call to go through, the atmosphere at the table was tense, with a sense of urgency in the air.

After a few rings, the call was picked up. "Hey, it's Rider. I've got an unusual situation here. We need someone who can discreetly deal with an Android issue, probably from the New Ark. Think you can help us out?"

As Rider listened to the other voice at the end of the line, he replied. "Great, we appreciate it. We'll come over to your place soon to discuss the details."

Ending the call, Rider turned to the group with a smile. "She's willing to help us out. Let's go."

Day felt a surge of relief, knowing they were one step closer to ensuring their safety. "Let's not waste any time then, The sooner we get this done, the better."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

[speenach]

life update: wellbutrin (aka bupropion) will lower your seizure threshold, all right!

🎶 'cause karma is my boyfriend! karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend karma's a relaxing thought ...

What is karma?

according to ideapod.com, "Karma is a Sanskrit word meaning 'action.' It refers to a cycle of cause-and-effect that is an important concept in many Eastern Religions, particularly Hinduism and Buddhism. ... it means that the steps of your life, your spiritual development, and your personality are directly molded by your thoughts and actions. Present you affects future you." i hope i'm not too far off, but this lil article does remind me of the way that i think my friend with the relevant knowledge explained it to me sometime in the past decade. unsurprisingly, the song "Karma" might simplify this a little; but even if it doesn't really, 100% accurately represent what karma is, spiritually, it's my favorite Taylor Swift song of the moment. arguably the best on Midnights.

spider boy, king of thieves weave your little webs of opacity my panties* made your crown. trick me once, trick me twice don't you know that cash ain't the only price? it's coming back, around.

*it's actually "pennies," but -- excuse me? 👑 listen to this song and try to tell me you don't hear "panties." or just try to tell me it doesn't make the better lyric. try to tell me that it doesn't fit Taylor's chest voice. try to ignore the harmonies in, "i keep my side of the street clee-ean. you wouldn't know what i mean." tell me this isn't one of the best songs to cat-walk in the airport to. try to keep it out of my karaoke-ing mouth this summer. i dare you.

speaking of airports and causes and effects and summer -- eek! i was supposed to visit Ireland and the UK this past week (only Northern Ireland is part of the UK, fun fact!?). my boyfriend (my actual one, Ben, not the concept) was taking me overseas for his college roommate's wedding. it was going to be very cute! and maybe even nudged me to think more seriously about marriage -- an institution i've resisted since growing up with its politicization, a thing that could maybe actually be practical if i wasn't so worried about the aesthetics of my own fucking personal life being twisted into talking points for the right. fuck them, fuck JK Rowling, fuck bisexual erasure, fuck transphobia, fuck off.

if this sounds disorganized, it's because it is! it's because i want to convey something about the state that my brain apparently reached for me to have my first seizure on thurs, may 11, DURING A LAYOVER IN VIRGINIA, HOORAY!

sorry, the rest of this post might be upsetting for various reasons. content warning for:

expanding on aforementioned seizure & another the next day

psychosis

medical bills from the ER(s) lol

babbling — this isn't really a warning as much as it is a qualification: since i do have some (small) degree of control over who can find me on instagram, and this is likely too long to go viral organically — if you're reading this, it’s prob because i posted it or sent it to you, or it was shared by someone whom i trust with the decision to share. something happened to me last week, and, if this tumblr blog is going to be what i wanted it to be when i wrote my inaugural post in january, it's the place for me to explain what happened from my perspective. i want the people in my life to know. i also, just, can't imagine calling people up just to be like... "hey i had a medical emergency but i'm okay." idk, i want to have my whole-ass say on it. you gotta read the taylor swift lyrics first.

all right, so, right before we left for the airport, i had a meeting with my dissertation advisor about the chapter i've been struggling with for the whole school year. i was so anxious i hadn't slept the night before, even after staying up all of monday night, too, revising the most recent draft. i also smoke a lot of weed, but it couldn't help me sleep this time. instead -- and i say this with some degree of expertise/professionalism -- i must have had something like a psychotic break. i had sent my advisor about twice as many pages as he was expecting, and i literally could not believe it when he told me that what he'd read so far sounded good. i told him i felt like a delusion of grandeur was coming true. and, after that, there was a moment where i literally thought he was reading my mind or speaking to me in code or something. it was weird. i was weird.

for the rest of my waking hours, until my first seizure, i thought i'd unlocked some secret of the universe. overwhelmed by the body language of hundreds of traveling strangers around us, i seriously thought i could read people's minds, too, or at least Ben's. normal airport stuff happened, our flight kept getting pushed back, waiting was miserable; in addition to convincing myself i was reading Ben's mind, i concluded that the only logical explanation for everything was that the internet must be down, like, universally, and/or everyone's collective consciousness was going through something like Opposite Day. ... again, i was weird. but, at this point, it seemed like i just badly needed some sleep. i also kept randomly singing the chorus to “anti-hero.”

sweet like honey, karma is a cat purring in my lap, 'cause it loves me

our flight got pushed back so late that our airline put us up in a "quality inn" for thursday night. my grand mal happened during the lyft ride there, which royally freaked out our driver and pushed Ben over a mental cliff from "my girlfriend's acting weird" to "my girlfriend might die." after sleeping through a $4000 ER visit that i don't remember, that my family and i have to figure out how to pay $2000 for lol, i passed all the psych tests to be discharged. we had a short connecting flight just for me to have the same delusions and another seizure during our layover in new jersey, right around the time our Ireland flight was finally canceled. don't ask me how much the second ER visit was because i don't know yet! friday night, i slept in a hospital bed in a hallway, before i remember getting some scrubs and an actual room for the rest of the weekend. no pillow, though -- just two sheets. i was pretty confused and upset after the first couple times i woke up there and still couldn't pass the psych checks until sunday. but obviously i eventually did, Ben came to get me, and we finally flew home monday.

it's actually kind of funny. it's okay, my home doctor laughed at me, too, when i saw her on wednesday; i am a clinical vignette. like, classic psych case. girl with depression and anxiety misses too much sleep, smokes too much weed, has seizure risk factors, and seizes. (i also wasn’t eating enough, surprise). among other things, i'm on prozac and wellbutrin but am better about the latter, because i associate the former with heartburn, and i get the impression that i can actually feel when the latter works. doc and i decided to halve my wellbutrin dose, at least until i see my therapist and psychiatrist on tuesday, and i'm on a THC/tolerance break. i'm tired from over/writing this, but that's what happened!

karma is the thunder rattling your ground karma's on your scent like a bounty hunter karma's gonna track you down, step by step from town to town. sweet like justice, karma is a queen...

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[angelinaheartshapedbox]

A Slapshot To The Heart

eren jaeger x gn!reader <3

college au/smau. hockey player eren<333. musician/dancer reader.

summary: y/n l/n is a sophomore at paradis university with a scholarship in music. while taking a necessary technology course to complete their major, they meet the infamous hockey player, eren jeager. y/n does their best to avoid him, but their efforts fail as they continue to run into him everywhere. they soon find that eren isn't the douche bag every depicts him as, and grown very fond of his company.

WARNINGS: swearing, lower case intended, reader uses they/them pronouns, reader is attracted to all genders, eren is a huge himbo dork, any major trigger warnings will be given before each chapter.

this series is entirely sfw. mild suggestive themes, but nothing explicit.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

point four!

"i'm glad the last seat was next to you."

wordcount: 834

chapter tws: um eren gets anxious about school but that's kind it?

i knocked on the door of mikasa and armin's apartment, armin opened the door for me. he told me i could set my bag anywhere and wait for the others, then he disappeared into the hallway.

i put my bag next to the couch, where eren was lying flat on his stomach with his face in a pillow.

"hey, how ya doin', beer pong champion?" i ask, sitting on the floor in front of the couch.

eren groans dramatically loud, "i want to die."

"you big baby," i laugh, "you act like you've never been hungover before." i dig through my bag to find what i'll need for the study session.

"i haven't" he says, his voice muffled by the pillow. "i don't normally drink like that. it's not good for the body."

"i forgot you've got that whole "full-ride hockey scholarship" thing goin' on."

i hear shift his body on the cotton couch, "yeah, kind of important. you should care too. you act like you don't have a scholarship."

"it's just a tuition scholarship. it just pays for my books and a few courses. it'd pay for my housing if i lived on campus. i'm grateful for it, but it's really nothing."

"damn," he murmurs, "that sucks. i'm rich, and got a full ride scholarship."

i throw a pen at his face and he lets out an "ow". i stifle a laugh, returning to my textbook.

"what're you looking at?"

i'm in the middle of flipping through the pages. i show him the page i was looking for, and he leans down to read it.

"did we learn that?" he asks as he skims through the page about encryption.

i look up at him, "eren, we learned this last week."

he shrugs and leans back on the couch. he takes his phone out of his back pocket, he starts scrolling through it. i just sit there and stare at him.

"eren."

he perks his head up, "hm?"

"this is gonna be on the test tomorrow."

"what have a test tomorrow?!"

"oh, my god."

a few hours later, and we've gotten eren caught up enough that he gets the gist of it. for the last thirty minutes we've been sitting in a circle on the floor, talking.

eren had slid down off the couch next to me, ymir on my other side with historia. annie, mikasa, and armin complete our little circle.

eren is talking about things mikasa did to him when they were young.

he held up his left index finger to show us his flat finger tip, "when we were, like, seven we were chopping vegetables, and mikasa sliced my finger. i still think she did it on purpose."

"i did" mikasa said flatly.

eren purses his lips and vaguely gestures to mikasa. ymir finds it funny how mikasa torments him. we're not allowed to make fun of him without her getting mad, though. i think it's really cute how close they are.

"y/n," armin begins, "how long have you been living with those three?"

"i moved in with sasha right before the semester started. we were living in a dorm together, but connie and jean called us saying their roommates had moved out. they couldn't pay rent, so we moved in to help out" i told him.

armin smiled, "that's sweet. you guys have a lot of fun?"

"i don't think they'd let me not have fun." then, my phone vibrates, and a message from my group chat is on the screen, "speak of the devil."

this was fun," i say, grabbing my bag, "thanks for inviting me. see you all for the test tomorrow." i smile and wave at everyone.

"bye. don't forget we have the studio booked tomorrow, don't be late" annie said.

"if you're late, i'll kill you!" ymir shouted.

"got it!" i replied as i exited the apartment.

when i arrived at my own apartment, my roommates were sitting on the couch waiting for me. they had, not one, but two buckets of popcorn, the sourpatch watermelons, soda, and other candies. sasha gestured me over to the couch with a mouth full of popcorn.

"jean! jean, turn the movie on, they're here!" she reached over connie to smack jean repeatedly.

"hello, my loves," i squeezed under the blanket in-between sasha and connie, "sorry for the wait."

"it's alright. 'm glad you made it back" jean told me as he flipped through our rented movies.

"we pay a lot for movies," connie points out.

i look at him, "no, i pay a lot for movies. the rental service is on my card."

"oops."

i hit his head before we settled down, and the movie began.

sasha and connie both fell asleep on my shoulders, jean and i looked back and forth between our phones and the movie. a message appeared at the top of my screen.

"what're you smiling at?" jean asks, his brows furrowed.

"none ya" i reply with the biggest grin on my face.

he sighs, "goodnight."

"goodnight, j."

previous next

masterlist!

a/n: GYM BRO/HEALTH NUT EREN‼️‼️🗣🗣🗣 I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR. next chapter will have some hockey player eren and jean🤭 thanks for reading. <3

character info! armin made the group chat to bring all of his friends and his friends' friends together. then connie changed the group chat name and it went down hill. armin works hard to make this house a home.

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

[oblxvion]

euphoric | eren jaeger (1)

-> pairing: eren jaeger x f!reader

-> wc: 5.4k

-> warnings: use of marijuana, smut, praise kink, degradation kink, spit kink, oral (f and m receiving), fluff

you were stressed. it was almost the end of the term, and you had spent the past two weeks studying and prepping for your exams because you needed those grades. you had been slipping a lot in your classes but you managed to bring your grades up with the help of your good friend armin. he was extremely smart and honestly, without him, you didn't even want to think about what your grades would be.

“ugh, sasha, i can’t study any more.” you groaned, bringing you head down to into the vast sea of review that you had been going over as per armin’s request. “i need a break, i feel like my brain is going to fucking explode.”

sasha looked over up from her phone and laughed. “it’s gonna be worth it, i promise. once you finish these exams, you’ll be able to relax for a bit. do you wanna smoke later ‘cause we’re all getting together later at eren’s, i forgot to tell you.”

you hadn’t checked your phone in the past few hours so you didn't know that there were plans that had been made. 

you didn’t move your head as you contemplated the thought, it sounded like fun to see everyone and ignore the work you had for at least a bit. exams weren’t for another week and a half, so you should be fine.

“yeah, i'll come.”

“yay! i’ll text the group chat and let them know that we’re gonna leave at around 6.” she squeals as she grabs her phone and starts typing away a text that you soon receive as well.

“ok, i need to nap first. plus it’s like 4 so i’m gonna pass out for a bit.” you got up from the kitchen table and made your way over to your bedroom, beginning to get comfortable. “wake me up at 5.” you yelled so she could hear from her room.

“you got it.” sasha yelled back. you could tell that she said that with food in her mouth. 

“typical.” you chuckled as you felt your body drift off to sleep.

“y/n! hey! wake up! it’s 5:30. i lost track of the time.” sasha tried to shake you awake in which you grumbled in response. 

“ugh, ur so timely.” you joked as you made your way out of your room, and into the shared bathroom. wow i look like shit you thought to yourself as you turned from side to side trying to see all of what you looked like in your oversized sweatshirt and shorts.

there was not enough time for you to get ready to look at least presentable, but you felt gross so you turned on the shower and threw your clothes into your hamper. you put on some music because who showers without music and you made sure to shave because it had been awhile since you had and you wanted to feel clean.

once you had finished, you grabbed a towel and checked the time on your phone. 5:40. perfect.

“y/n, we have like 20 minutes,” sasha called from her room. “do you think you can be ready by then?”

“yeah, i just need to dry my hair and throw on some clothes and i should be good.” you said as you walked into her room, she was pretty much ready to go, and dressed in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. no one really dressed up for these sessions because everyone was already super comfortable with each other.

“ok i’m gonna go change, i don't know if i’ll have enough time to dry my hair though.” 

“you’ll be fine. plus, we can be a bit late, they wouldn’t start without us anyways.” she says with a smile as she puts on a sweatshirt.

you made your way back to your room and threw on a pair of sweatpants, a loose fitting tank top and your favorite pullover. as you made your way back to the bathroom to dry your hair, you found yourself stressing once again about your exams to which you took a deep breathe and reminded yourself that you needed to relax and this was a well deserved break. 

after you finished drying your hair, you quickly ran a brush through it, and put on some deodorant along with your favorite perfume.

“ok sash, i’m ready.” you called from the bathroom as you fixed your appearance for the last time. 

“perfect! i ordered us an uber because i don’t really wanna drive and i know you don't like driving high.” she says as she grabs the last of her things and we make our way out the door and to the bottom of our apartment complex.

“soooo...” 

you look at her as the uber pulls over to the side of the road. “so what?”

“have u been seeing anyone recently?” sasha looks over to you as she gets into the uber after you. 

“how could i? i’ve literally been studying nonstop. i wish though.” you say with a sigh. you had been so preoccupied with studying and getting your grades up that you haven’t had the time to see anyone except friends. “why do you ask?”

“oh, it’s nothing really. i was just curious, you know, being your roommate and all.” somethings up, she’s clearly trying to pick at something and this does not go unnoticed by you.

“ok,” you laughed and shook your head. “whatever you say.”

before you knew it, you both arrived at eren’s apartment complex. for some reason, you felt anxious. you knew the boys that were going to be there but you had this gut feeling that something was going to happen.

the two of you made your way up to his floor and knocked on his door which was opened almost instantly as if he were waiting.

“sasha!” connie exclaimed, embracing the girl into a bear hug. “hey y/n.” 

“hey connie.” you smiled in response. it was really cute how the two of them were so close, it’s almost like they were twins. you made your way into the apartment and saw jean and eren, arguing over god knows what.

“hey guys!” you say as you walked over to the two of them, hugging them both. 

“y/n! it’s been a while. how’s studying with armin?” jean asks as he pulls away from the hug.

“god. don't even get me started. i am in hell. armin’s being so helpful though.” you chuckle as you walked over to eren, who was looking at something on his phone but quickly shoved it away when he saw you coming towards him.

“hey y/n.” he says with his boyish smile as he pulls you into a side hug and you notice that his hand lingers for a bit longer than normal but you smile in response.

“so, can we smoke now that they’re finally here?” connie asks as it was very clear that he was getting impatient. 

“yeah, yeah, let’s go to the deck.” eren’s apartment had a deck with was extremely nice and over time, it had become the signature smoke spot for you guys. it had an outdoor couch and a few chairs along with a small table which was perfect.

you made your way to your favorite spot which was the right corner of the couch so you could be close to the edge of the balcony and look out at the view of the city. everyone had their signature spots, it was like an unspoken rule but everyone followed it. eren next to you on the couch, sasha, jean and connie in the three chairs on the opposite side of the table.

there were some blankets already outside along with a speaker that eren played some music on to set the vibe. 

“since you guys were taking too long, i rolled us a joint so we could smoke sooner.” eren said as he sat down next to you.

“aw, how kind.” you tease him as you nudge yourself against his shoulder, earning a chuckle from him. “dibs on first hit.” 

“aw, c’mon!” jean whined, knowing that you always give the blunt to eren right after you hit. 

“i get priority since eren is my best friend.” you smirk and wait for eren to say anything but he just laughs and shakes his head. 

you and eren had always been close ever since you started school. he even introduced you to everyone, which was the reason why you were here with them now.

eren took out his lighter and lit the joint and passed it to you. you took it between your pointer finger and thumb and took a long drag. 

oh how you had missed this feeling. the feeling of being high with your friends. you passed the blunt back to eren as he took a hit himself and you exhaled the smoke.

the joint was passed around the circle until everyone had gotten a good amount of hits and it was finished. you felt your high and you leaned back into the couch as you closed your eyes.

“tired?” 

you opened your eyes and looked over to eren who’s eyes were red, just like yours. “no, just relaxing. this is nice. i needed this.”

“yeah, i noticed. armin told me that you’d been really stressed lately so i texted asking if people wanted to smoke but you didn't respond so i assumed you were studying,” he says as he stretched his arms and placed them just behind your shoulders.

“thanks,” you laughed as you stared into his turquoise eyes only now noticing how pretty they were. you had looked him in the eyes before but this time it felt different and he felt it too. but your staring was soon broken by sasha’s wails of being hungry.

“there’s food in the fridge, i had takeout last night so there’s probably some leftovers.” eren nods his head towards the inside of his apartment. sasha stood up and made her way towards the food as connie followed her.

“hey! save some for me!” he yelled as he chased after her. all that was left was you, eren and jean. there was clearly some tension in the air but you decided to ignore it.

“ain’t no way i’m gonna be third wheeling right now.” jean huffed quietly and joined the two inside. 

third wheeling? you ignored it because jean obviously knows that you and eren are close friends, nothing more.

oh, how you were wrong.

eren looked over to make sure that there was no way for the others to see the deck and he moved his arm down towards your shoulder. you were shocked by this, but in a way, it was comforting. 

“y/n?” he asked staring off into the distance.

“hm?” 

he didn't respond so you took it upon yourself to look up at him.

“what’s up?”

no response once again.

your lidded eyes becoming heavy as he looked down at you with a tender look on his face. he leaned his face closer to yours until your noses were touching.

“eren?”

his lips connected with yours, igniting a feeling inside your chest that you had pushed away when you first became close. you melted into the kiss and kissed him back in a slow and sensual kiss. eren pulled back and tucked your hair behind your ear as he went back in for another kiss. you didn’t know what to do but the feeling that this gave you, it wasn’t like any other kiss you had before.

“wanted to do this for a long time.” he whispers and rests his nose on yours. 

you didn’t know what to say in response so you pulled him back for another kiss that was interrupted by the three of them coming back out onto the deck. you pulled away quickly, hoping that no one had seen what just happened. eren kept his hand on your shoulder, but no one had asked about it so you just let it slide.

it had been a few days since you had last seen eren. everyone was texting in the group chat about plans for the upcoming days but you had to study, or at least try to study. the kiss that you and eren shared had been replaying in your head ever since it had happened. you knew that he was high and he may not remember it, but it still bugged you and you had to know.

but most importantly, this kiss had sparked feelings inside you that you had pushed away so long ago and it was beginning to get hard to consume them. eren was constantly on your mind, and you couldn’t focus on your work. 

you needed to talk to him but you didn't know how because you didn't know that he had these feelings for you and you didn't know that you still had those feelings for him. you realized that you were ignoring these feelings that you had for him because he was your close friend and you didn’t want that to ruin your relationship.

it was driving you crazy. you needed to talk to him. 

you grabbed your phone and clicked on eren’s contact and called him. it didn’t even finish the first ring.

“hey y/n! what’s up? how’s studying?” he said and you felt your heart swell at him saying your name, which never happened before until now.

“hey, can you come over later? i need to talk to you,” you sigh. this is it, you need to know if he truly had those feelings or he was just playing with you.

“yeah, of course,” he stammered. “is everything ok?”

“yeah, everything's fine, i just wanna talk to you.”

“ok, i can get a ride now if you want me to.” is he eager?

you looked at the time and remembered that sasha was out with connie and jean so she would probably not be coming back tonight.

“actually, yeah, that sounds fine. see you soon, eren.”

“ok, i’ll text you when i’m close.”

“ok,” you ended the call and placed your phone down, taking your head in your hands. you’re overreacting right? he definitely feels for you, why else would he kiss you?

“i need to shower.” you said to yourself, trying to ignore the thoughts in your head.

as you got out of the shower, you heard your phone get a text, which you assumed to be eren. walking back to your room, you heard a knock at the door and you froze. you were still in a towel and debating whether or not you should open the door for him, which you did because you didn't want to leave him standing out there.

“hey y/n, oh,” he stops and looks you up and down. 

“sorry, i just got out of the shower.” you say as you open the door and motion for him to come inside. “can you just wait a sec while i go put some clothes on?”

“oh, uh, yeah. i’ll wait in the kitchen.” he looks around and scratches the back of his head nervously. his hair was tied back into a messy bun like usual and wearing gray sweatpants with a black shirt and his chain peeking out from under it. “you good?” he asked as he took off his shoes.

oh my god, was i staring?

“oh, yeah, i'm fine. i just spaced out a bit, sorry.” you chuckle nervously, tucking a piece of your wet hair behind your ear. “i’ll be right back.”

“take your time.”

you made your way back to your room and threw hung your town on your closet door as you looked for clothes to wear. you opted for a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt that was sasha’s but for some reason, it was in your closet. once you had finished changing, you made your way over to the mirror that was across for your bed to make sure that you looked fine.

“ok, breathe.” you exhaled and opened your door calling for eren to come into your room.

he came into your room, still clearly feeling awkward about your interaction from before. “nice room, i like the led lights you have.” 

“thanks,” you laughed and sat on the bed, motioning for him to come sit next to you, which he did.

“so, what's on your mind y/n?” he asks, leaning up against the headboard and trying to get comfortable. 

“i don’t know, i've just been thinking about some things recently, and i can't seem to get them out of my head.” ok, good start.

“like what?” he looks over at you. oh no, don't look at me like that.

“the kiss we shared a few days ago, it’s been in my head on repeat.”

eren looks confused and looks towards your mirror, “is that a bad thing?”

“huh? i mean no, it’s not, i just don’t know what to do because these feelings have come back that i pushed away from when we became close because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship. but right now, it’s consuming me and i don’t know what to do.”

“well, i wouldn’t have kissed you without having feelings for you, y/n. i don’t know how you didn't notice it. i’ve been kinda bad at hiding it.” he said calmly as his gaze remained in front of the two of you. “but if you didn’t like it, we can just forget about it. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” he turns to look at you once again. 

“no, i enjoyed it actually, but...” you trail off nervously, feeling your face becoming hot. you tried to turn away but his hand grabbed your chin and turned you back to face him. 

“but what?” he says softly, looking into your eyes which caused your heart beat to pick up. he thought it was so cute how you were getting so flustered by him.

“but i don’t want to be played...” you averted his gaze.

“y/n, i would never play you.”

you look back at him, now knowing the answer that had been bothering you for the past few days. it took all your strength to not kiss him right there but he beat you to it, closing the gap between the two of you. in that moment, all your worries had washed away, feeling content and glad that you had this conversation with him. the kiss soon escalated into you and eren sliding your tongues into the others mouth. you felt yourself getting hot once again but this time, a completely different reason. eren brought his hand that was on your chin behind your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss as you melted into his mouth once again, whimpering at the feeling. eren could feel it go straight to his dick that was now straining in his pants, trying to contain himself because he didn't know whether you wanted this or not.

“let me show you how much i care for you, yeah?” he says as he pulls away for a brief second. 

“eren, please,” you whimper as his lips met yours once again but this time with more passion. eren then moved so he was on top of you, caging you in his arms as he continued to kiss you. “i want you.”

“’want you too, baby.” the pet name going straight to your core. eren moaned as he moved from your lips down to your neck, gently kissing and sucking to leave a mark. he then placed his hands at the bottom of your shirt, looking at you as if he was asking with his eyes for permission to undress you, you nodded your head vigorously and lifted your hands up so he could take it off. 

“no bra? it’s like you’re begging me to fuck you, angel.” he then brought his lips down to your left nipple, gently sucking on it while taking the other between his fingers, moving it around earning a moan from you at the feeling. he then moved over to the right and did the same action. “you’re so beautiful.”

“ohmygod please, please,” you knew you sounded desperate, but you couldn't help yourself. you had been denying the fact that you had wanted this for so long.

“use your words, tell me what you want.” he groaned and came back up to kiss you, relishing in the feeling of your lips against his.

“’wanna feel you,”

“where, pretty girl?” he sat up at looked down at you with a smirk on his face, he knew where you wanted him but he wanted, no needed to hear you say it. 

“’want you inside me eren, please,” you whined arching your back so he could get the message. he chuckled and brought himself back down towards your sternum, placing wet kisses as he made his way down to the waistband of your shorts. 

“can i?” he looked up at you and immediately saw the approval in your eyes. “you don’t know what you do to me, do you?” you whimper at his remark, lifting your hips up in the process so he could take your shorts off easier to reveal your thong and the painfully obvious wet spot. he placed a finger on your slit, dragging it down slowly, teasing you.

“stop teasing me,” you whined, trying to prop yourself on your elbows but to caught up with the euphoric feeling that you couldn't. eren slowly took off your panties to tease you even more, and threw them behind him onto the floor.

“fuck, baby. this all for me?” he looked up at you with his jade green eyes meeting your e/c ones. he could feel the precum running down his shaft, struggling to keep his composure.

“yes eren, all for you.” your breath hitched as he spit onto your needy heat, bringing his tongue down to your clit, giving it a few kitten licks before he quickened his pace and wrapped his left arm around your leg to keep you in place, not once breaking eye contact. “fuck, keep doing that, holy shit!” you could feel him smirk against your core, and if it couldn't get any better, you felt a finger at your entrance before sliding in. “eren!” he felt so embarrassed to be rutting his cock against the bed but the noises you were making were sinful and he couldn’t help himself.

you began to feel your stomach tighten as he added another finger into your hole and picked up the pace. the sensation was incredible, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and the pace of his fingers going in and out of your pussy. your slick was dripping down his fingers, it was driving him crazy. he felt you tighten around his fingers, you were close.

“’gonna, ‘m gonna cum eren, please,” your release was so close, you just needed one more push.

“c’mon baby, cum for me.” he groaned against your pussy, sending vibrations throughout your whole body and you felt the coil snap. the moan you let out was pure sin and eren thought he was going to cum on the spot. “that’s it baby, good fucking girl.” as you got down from your high, you realized that he didn’t stop, you were sensitive, eren knew that but he needed one more from you.

“eren it’s too much, fuck,” you cry out as he brings his mouth back down to your heat and you can already feel yourself getting close again, and he could tell. you came even quicker this time, your juices gushing all over eren’s tongue. he lapped all of it up, not letting a single drop go to waste, and then taking his fingers covered in your slick into his mouth.

“you taste so good, i couldn’t get enough of you.” he whispers as he comes back up to kiss you. you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue. you reach down towards his throbbing cock, but he shook his head. “this is about you, baby.”

“please?” you look up at him and he couldn’t say no. he knew that he would not last long if you did as much as place your tongue on his tip. noticing that he didn't say anything, you took this as your chance. you flipped him over so that you were on top, and you could feel how hard he was. you grabbed the bottom of his shirt and helped him take it off, revealing his perfectly toned chest with chiseled abs. he threw the shirt to another place in the room, pulling you into another kiss shortly after. you moved from his lips down to his neck and down his chest stopping at his sweatpants to pull them down along with his boxers, revealing his swollen tip leaking with precum. he was larger than average and it excited you every bit. you smirked to yourself, and placed your lips on his tip, his breath hitched at the feeling.

you began to slowly drag your tongue down his shaft, maintaining eye contact with him, just like he did with you. you then took him in your mouth seeing how his legs tensed, you began to go even further. 

eren was trying so hard not to grab your head and push you onto his dick, afraid that he was going to ruin the moment with you and be too aggressive. you then took your mouth off with saliva connecting from his tip to your lips and then went back down taking him all in your throat before bobbing your head up and down, coming up for air while jerking him off. the sounds he was making went straight to your warmth, making you wetter by the minute.

“keep doing that, fuck y/n,” he groaned as his will vanished and he took your hair in his hands beginning to help guide you on his dick. he ran his hand through his hair and looked back at you, knowing that this image will forever be imprinted in his head. his legs tensed and you felt it, he was close. “fuck, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna fucking cum.” he groaned as he shot thick white ropes of cum down your throat, you gladly took all of it and opened your mouth to show him that you did. 

“fuck, you did so good, so good.” he pulled you up towards him as you laughed into the kiss, and suddenly you were back on the bottom. “but now i’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy, yeah?” he aligned himself with your entrance and your mind became fuzzy with the feeling of his tip right where you needed him most. he slowly pushes himself in but you didn’t need to adjust, and he began to move at a steady pace.

“oh fuck,” eren threw his head back at the sensation of finally being inside of you, the way your walls grazed his dick, pulling him back him. it was addictive, and he couldn’t get enough of it. “you feel so fucking good y/n.”

“fuckfuckfuck, ’m gonna cum eren.” the feeling came back embarrassingly quick but you didn’t care, the feeling was amazing.

“yeah? you’re gonna fucking cum? cum on my cock. cum on my fucking cock.” eren growled as his chain was in your face. hearing him be so demanding and aggressive set something off and you felt yourself release but this time it was different, arching your back at the feeling. eren was taken aback by the fact that he made you squirt, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“that’s it, squirt all over my fucking cock.” he rode you out of your orgasm and continued to plow you into the mattress, picking up his pace. he was close but not quite there yet. you had taken into account that eren was aggressive in bed but he was being gentle with you at first, and you loved every bit of it. you wanted to make it more interesting. before you could even think, your hand met his cheek, and eren looked at you with a shocked expression but his eyes grew dark with lust. 

“fuck me like you mean it, jaeger.” you growled, hoping to get a reaction out of him. and oh boy, did it get a reaction.

“yeah? fuck you like i mean it?” he slapped you across the face, and then grabbed your cheeks and spit into your mouth. “swallow it.” if you thought you couldn’t get turned on anymore, you were so wrong. you rutted your hips against his, moaning at the sensation. this side of you was so different, and eren fucking loved it. he grabbed your throat, squeezing it and making you look him in the eyes as he fucked you with force.

“look at you, never knew you could be such a slut.” the name made you clench around him like a vice, earning a groan from him. “taking my cock so fucking well.” the feeling of you tightening around his cock for the 2nd time that night was making him lose his mind, he wasn’t going to last any longer and he knew that you weren’t either. he brought his hand that was around your neck down to your neglected clit and began rubbing circles as his pace became erratic. he was so close and so were you, but he needed you to come with him, he had to feel that feeling again. 

“fuck, i’m so close baby. fucking cum with me,” he moaned as he brought his head to your neck, you brought your arms and wrapped them around him, bringing him closer to you. before you could even comprehend, you released your juices, spraying all over his pelvis as he came shortly after you, painting your insides white. he stilled, trying to catch his breath but to his shock, you flipped him so that you were on top once again.

“not done yet.” you moaned as you began to grind yourself onto his cock. eren still so sensitive from his past orgasm that he was barely holding on by a string. seeing you on top of him, the way your breasts bounce and the way you look from this angle is driving him insane. he knows that he’s not going to last like this, the way you’re riding him, he grabs onto your hips and guides you.

you’re so overstimulated, you can’t even think straight. eren is trying so hard not to cum before you, but your pussy is milking him dry and before he knew it, he came inside you once again, legs shaking from the overstimulation. you lifted yourself off him and began to frantically rub your clit as you squirted all over his chest and pelvis. eren stared at you in awe, the way you looked like when you came and knowing that it was from him was a huge boost to his ego.

you finally collapsed onto his chest, trying to calm your breathing as he wrapped his arms around you. the both of you basked in this silence, thinking about the sex you just had.

“hope i wasn’t too rough, i kinda got carried away.” eren chuckled as he ran his fingers down your back, earning a laugh from you.

“no not at all, i really liked it actually.” you looked up at him, placing your chinos his chest. 

“I'm glad, been wanting to do that for a while,” he paused, as if he was looking for the right words to say. “i really like you, y/n.”

your heartbeat quickened, and you gave him a quick peck on the lips. “i really like you too, eren.” you blushed, “stay the night.” you didn't have class the following morning, so it was fine.

“ok, will do.” he squeezed you tighter, and you utterly being exhausted, you felt yourself drift off to sleep. eren gently moved you over and walked into the bathroom, finding a small towel and cleaning you and himself up. he grabbed you a new pair of underwear from your closet and the his shirt on the floor, dressing you before he put his sweatpants back on.

you felt the bed dip and a pair of arms bring your back to his chest and press a kiss to your cheek.

“’night y/n.”

© all content belongs to oblxvion 2021, do not repost or change.

[mavkasilas]

Bribe me with a cup of tea.

Happens at Oliver's first match, and I actually really don't know the exact year so I'll just set in their year 3.

“Oliver, I know you can do it. You know I always have faith in you.”

Oliver lift up his head and look at Percy, his roommate.

He doesn’t know which reaction he should give back to Percy’s encouragement. He only feels nauseous and anxious in his stomach. He’s afraid he’ll puke on Percy when he opened his mouth.

Until his teammates came to check on him and told him it's time to gather, Oliver still hasn’t said anything to Percy. He just watched that red hair boy pick up his history book and tidy up his robe when he stand up.

Before Percy stepped outside the tent, Oliver finally called him.

“Hey Perce… I mean Percy.”

“Hmmm?”

“Just wanna say thanks for your words. Kinda wish I won’t get beat down by the Hufflepuff’s beater.”

Percy chuckled.

“Charlie and Bill are extremely talented in quidditch, I will call them an expert. They chose you as their new keeper must have their reason, I know my brothers very well.”

Oliver looks at Percy’s eyes, they look like the ambers.

His words and his voice seems like taken away the nauseous from his stomach. Well, Oliver never knew his roommates was so supportive? What he knew was the only thing Percy obsessed with was studying.

“Thanks, mate. I think I’m ready.”

Oliver stands up, walk directly to the exit. Before he left the tent, Percy gave him a little fist bump. He’s kinda surprised because this really not a thing that Percy will do.

“Charlie and Bill will always do this before they start their match. I thought it might bring you some good luck, although I still believe hardworking affects the result more than luck, still isn’t bad to do, right?”

Oliver hold his broom and watched Percy leave the tent.

He started questioning himself, why do people say Percy is not so friendly? His words were warmer than the warming charm.

Although at the end, well actually Oliver didn’t stay conscious until the end of the match because he got knocked off from his broom and straight sent to Madam Pomfrey. The Gryffindor still won the match.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Percy.

He was in his orange jumper, which has a purple P in the middle of it. Oliver tried to climb up from his bed but then he just felt the whole world was spinning.

“You better lie down before Madam Pomfrey came in.”

Percy put his books on the nightstand beside Oliver’s bed and gently pushed him back to the bed.

“You had a mild concussion. Although you had slept for a week-”

“A week?!”

“Yes, a week. So my advice is you better have a check from Madam Pomfrey before you stepped out from your bed. If she says you’re good to go then I’ll take you back to the dorm, if not you’ll stay here until everything is ok.”

Percy handed Oliver a cup of warm herbal tea while talking to him. There’s no one in the room, only him and Percy. Very quiet and peaceful, Oliver even could hear the bird’s chirping outside from the window.

He thinks it’s just 8 or something.

“Did we win?”

“Yes, we won because you used your stupid body to stop the Hufflepuff's quaffle.”

“Thanks, Merlin! I thought I’ll mess up my first game.”

Oliver felt relieved. He took a sip of the herbal tea that Percy handed to him.

“You didn’t mess up, on the contrary, it’s awesome. Bill and Charlie said that making you as their keeper is the best choice they had ever did.”

“Don’t say that, you’re making me blush.”

“Well, you already.”

Before Oliver could say anything, Madam Pomfrey appears. He felt his face was a bit warm? Was it really blushed? Maybe it's because of the warm tea, he thought.

“Oh, good to see you, young man! How did you feel? Do you feel any dizzy, headache or nauseous? ”

“No, mam. Everything is good, except I’m kinda craving for the bacon and eggs as my breakfast.”

Madam Pomfrey did her last check on Oliver, make sure he was fine then agree to let him leave.

“You are good to go. Oh, wait! I’ve got something to ask you, the red-haired boy. You must be one of the Weasleys right?”

Percy got stopped by Madam Pomfrey. His hand was still holding on to Oliver’s arm. He adjusts his glasses before he spoke to Madam Pomfrey.

“Yes, I am.”

“Can I ask you about the herbal tea? They smell great.”

“It’s just a muggle recipe that I read from a muggle’s book.

“May I know the recipe? Because I think it’s a good idea to serve it to those students that always had headaches. They don’t like the taste of the healing potions.”

Madam Pomfrey laughed when she had some flashback. The muggle’s tea will definitely better than the potions which are made of wormwood or unicorn’s horn powder.

“It’s called honeybush hot cider herbal tea. I added some slices of apple, some cinnamons, orange peels and liquorice root to give this blend its hot cider flavour.”

“Brilliant! I’ll try it. Thanks, young man.”

“It’s my pleasure to help you, Madam Pomfrey.”

When they walk to the great hall to have their breakfast, Oliver looked at Percy and said.

“I never knew you can cook?”

“I don’t know how to cook a proper meal, but I know how to do some simple snacks and tea.”

“Really impressive. I wonder what else you can’t do? You seem so perfect at all.”

Percy rolled his eyes when he heard Oliver’s word.

“Honestly? Do you still remember that I almost failed to summon my broom on my very first flying lesson?”

“Yea, right.”

“Everyone has something they are good at. Sit here, I’ll go get you your scrambled eggs and bacon. Do you still want pumpkin juice?”

“Sure, just a glass of it is enough. Thanks.”

Oliver watched Percy disappear in the crowd. He realized the thin ice between him and Percy had broken, but he don’t know how?

They had been roommates for three years, but they haven’t talked that much like today. He never gets really closed to Percy, because he seems like a boring smart boy that only knows reading and reading.

But when he gets to know him more, like the day before his match and after he awakes from his unconscious, only then he did know the other side of Percy.

Just like Percy said, everyone has something they are good at. Probably he’s not good at being the Weasleys that people used to know, but he really good at taking care of people.

Oliver still could smell the honeybush hot cider from his shirt.

That’s the time he realised, the Percy that can prepare such a nice jar of herbal tea is a bit way too attractive to him.

[symptoms-syndrome]

In other news. Time to talk abt some Shit going on in my life. Under a readmore primarily bc i know there's a lot of eyes on my blog RN on account of some posts I did not expect to blow up

I'm back in my apartment, mostly recovered or recovered enough that I can take care of myself on my own for the most part. I still have a tube which sucks, I was only expecting to have it for three weeks and I'm going to need it for at least five or six.

But anyway that's just context.

The main issue is that the Roommate Situation is making me extremely triggered even though nothing is actually happening. Like I almost never see them, they stay in their room or go out sometimes but never linger. I know they said they're moving out in September, at some point I'm going to have to ask when a good time for house tours for prospective new roommates would be. I might have a friend who's interested in moving in, which would be nice.

But anyway. It just feels like I'm back in my childhood home where everything is silent until it suddenly is very much not. The tension is palpable. Flashback brain says stay very very quiet, when I'm sensitive like this I'm incredibly highly aware of every sound. I open things quietly and close doors carefully, if I need to close them. I've had the courage to hang out in the living room primarily because. As I said before the bad roommates don't step foot in there, and I think it makes me less anxious than staying in my room where it feels like anything could be happening outside my door. The living room has a sort of half wall situation which makes it feel more connected to the rest of the house. It's one of the things I really like about this place. But anyway I've been in there playing my video games but I wear headphones so there's no sound coming out. I tell myself it's because I don't want to bother anyone, but one I don't think that any reasonable person would be extremely bothered by me playing Pokemon at a reasonable to very low volume at like, 2PM, and two I don't think that I should be as scared as I am. But alas. Roommates are not reasonable people. I still freeze up in whatever I'm doing (even just. Folding clothes in my room) when I hear them coming out of their respective rooms.

When my good roommate comes home, I feel kinda guilty about the way I act. I'm still very quiet. I want her to know it's not about her. I do get the courage to put on a show to watch together out loud (but still low, but mostly because I don't like things too loud in general) but I still speak quietly.

I'm naturally sort of soft-spoken because I'm usually just. Very aware of the volume of my voice, and try to keep it to a level where it would just be heard by me and my intended audience. Of course, being a public speaker I am able to project, I just normally don't speak very loudly in conversation. My good roommate is very much not, she speaks very loudly and I don't think she's aware of it most of the time. Most of the time I don't mind it, I'll really only ask her to lower her voice if I have a headache or something. I do want to tell her to lower her voice when she comes home lately, but it's because something in my brain feels like it's screaming about her voice breaking the silence I've deliberately created. It's not accidentally so quiet, it's incredibly intentional. It's not a quiet meant to be broken. Her speaking loudly is like setting off a tripwire, it makes my whole head fill with alarms ringing to alert me that danger is coming.

I don't think my roommates would actually try and get physical with me. Mostly because they're both kind of. Wimpy. Like I think if I played my game out loud or talked at a normal volume or whatever I don't think anything would actually happen. But my brain doesn't actually believe that. It seems to believe that there is danger just around the corner ready to drop on me at any moment if I'm not very very careful.

They could leave before September. They could sublet their rooms. I genuinely think they're too stupid to know they can do that, because I suggested it before and they shot the idea down (or one of them did) and all he kept saying was "my name is on the lease." Which it is, but that doesn't mean he can't sublet. IDK what he's on about but he's always been a little behind the curve. When he was on regular, friend-ish terms with me and good roommate, I told good roommate to "just let him be stupid sometimes" because he'd say the most batshit insane, objectively incorrect things ever and then blow the fuck up on you if you challenged him on them. So it was easier to just let him say whatever and move on with it. And by objectively wrong I mean that but also just. Offensive AF sometimes. Like one time he used the word "jew" in a way that was? A lil too laissez faire and one of our roommates at that time gently said something like "it's probably better to use Jewish instead" and this shitty roommate turned that into a HUGE yelling argument and we're all three like dude. Just add one syllable it's not that big a deal. Two Jewish ppl are correcting u very nicely. But shitty roommate pulled the "you're just cancelling me for something stupid, I'll just never say anything ever again" card and stormed off. So there's that. I think he thinks bc he's gay he's just. Immune to being insensitive to other minority groups. Ugh.

Anyway this is your future representative or whatever. He's in grad school for polisci he wants to be a politician. I bet he could be.

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ San: Fight For Us (one-shot)

Pairing: idol!san x fem!reader

Genre: angst, light fluff, idol au.

Warnings: profanities, mentions of anxiety, breaking down, lots of crying, alcohol.

San never realized how awkward the atmosphere was whenever you and the members were in the same place. You knew they didn't like you from the first day San introduced you to them, but you didn't know why. Still, you tried your best to interact with them as they were very important to your boyfriend. San was really happy when he saw you making an effort to talk to the guys, but he didn't know that it was really hard for you to talk to them. They usually gave you short replies which just end the conversation. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were okay with you after awhile, but they still didn't make much efforts to talk to you.

One day, you went to the dorms when San had a sore throat. While you were making soup for him, you could hear some of the members talking about you from the living room. They were trying to talk quietly, but it was loud enough for you to hear.

"Why is she in our kitchen?" Wooyoung asked.

"She's probably making something," Yunho answered.

"Well, why is she using our kitchen then?" Yeosang scoffed. "I seriously don't like her." You felt your heart break at that. You knew they didn't like you, but it felt terrible to hear them say that.

"I should've hooked San up with my idol friend," Wooyoung said. "She's literally his type."

"I hope San breaks up with her," Mingi mumbled and Jongho agreed. "Our manager found out recently and he's not happy about it at all. San hasn't even been focusing very well these days."

"Manager hyung has plans of asking San to break up with her. I guess we all should be happy now," Jongho said. You felt your heart drop. At this point, you were sure the guys hated you. You really wanted to fix the situation, but you didn't want to cause any more problems; you knew San would never be able to break up with you, so you'd have to do instead.

You stirred the soup you made for San, controlling your tears from falling. You poured the soup into a bowl before taking it to his room.

"Thank you, love," San said softly, sitting up on his bed. You quietly fed him the soup, lost in your thoughts. "Babe, are you okay? Your eyes are watering." San asked, concern shown on his face.

You blinked and the tears fell. "Y-yeah, I just . . . I hate to see you in pain," you said; that was true, but it wasn't why you were crying.

San chuckled a little. "It's only a sore throat, love." Your heart hurt to hear him call you that; you won't be hearing it anymore after sometime. Tears began to stream down your cheeks at the thought of it.

San took the empty bowl from your hands and placed it on his bedside table. He cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away. "Baby, I'm alright," he murmured, leaning in to capture your lips. You kissed him back with more urgency, knowing that you'll never get to do it again. San gasped a little, surprised at the new feeling that somehow made him feel anxious. To him, it felt like you were going to say goodbye. Little did he know, he was actually right.

When you went home, you bawled your eyes out. You were very much in love with San, and you knew he loved you just as much. You texted him, saying that you would come over the next day. He felt relieved: his anxiety from the urgent kiss you both shared immediately going away.

The next evening after your university classes ended, you went to Ateez's dorm. Hongjoong opened the door for you, and you found all the boys in the living room, laughing while playing some board game. You saw Mingi and Jongho roll their eyes at you, unhappy to see you here.

"San," you called out nonchalantly, catching everyone's attention; they had never heard you say his name like that. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course, love," he said with his dimpled smile, taking your hand in his as he lead you to his room. He appeared to be calm, but he was filled with anxiety on the inside; your emotionless expression was scaring him. He kissed your forehead to see how you'd react. When you didn't respond in any way, he got even more scared.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked while you sat on his bed.

You took a deep breath.

"San, let's break up."

There was only silence. San felt daggers stabbing his heart over and over again as he repeated your words in his head.

"D-did I . . . " he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down a little. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you said, looking down at your feet. "I just think things aren't working out between us anymore," you lied.

"That's bullshit!" his voice raised a little as tears began to roll down his cheeks. "Don't lie to me, Y/N! Just don't . . . We were always fine!" he yelled as he broke down. "These eleven months . . . we managed everything so well despite our busy schedules!" You kept quiet; if you opened your mouth, you knew you'd break down as well.

"D-do you not love me anymore?" he whispered. "Am I not e-enough?" You knew San's biggest fear was not being good enough, and you wanted nothing more than to take back everything you said.

"I'm sorry, San," you murmured, feeling your heart hurt from saying his name.

"Don't do this to me," he cried, kneeling down in front of you, taking your hands in his. "Please, don't. I love you, Y/N. Don't do this . . . " You didn't say a word. You only closed your eyes, trying not to cry. You hated yourself for breaking his heart.

It was silent for a while; San was lost in thought, and you wished you knew what he was thinking about. You waited for him to say something for god knows how long.

You got up from his bed, looking at him one last time. "Take care of yourself," you said with a small smile that didn't reach your eyes. You left his room, tears immediately rolling down your face as you prepared to leave. However, San stopped you right beside the living room by grabbing your arm and turning you around to face him. Seeing your tears hurt him, but relieved him at the same time; it was enough proof that you still loved him.

All the guys were watching, and they were quite shocked to see San crying and looking so heartbroken.

"It's them, isn't it?" San asked, gesturing to the members with his head.

"No, it's not th—"

"I know they don't like you, Y/N," he said, surprising you; you thought he never knew that. He turned to look at the guys. "Are you all happy now? This was what you wanted right? For me and Y/N to break up?"

"San, please stop," you begged, not wanting any fights to happen between them. "It's not even related to them."

"What do you mean, San?" Hongjoong asked. "We never wanted that."

"Maybe you and Seonghwa hyung didn't," San stated. "But the rest of you certainly do."

"Yeah, he's right," Yeosang said. "We don't trust her or like her."

"And she's a gold-digger," Mingi added.

"She's just using you for your money and other things, San," Wooyoung said and Jongho nodded in agreement. San laughed so hard, you all were actually quite scared.

"A gold-digger?" he laughed. "You know that large company across Mnet's building? That belongs to Y/N's father. She's a chaebol heiress." The guys were quite stunned, not expecting that. "If you made an effort to talk to her instead of wrongly judging her, you'd know. She doesn't need my fucking money."

"What else can she use me for?" San continued. "Sex? We did after five months of dating. I don't think she would've waited if that's what she really wanted. Fame? She and her family are already well-known. So please, tell me why you all think she's fucking using me?!" San yelled. You were just frozen in place. You've never seen San this angry before and honestly, it scared you. None of the boys, not even Hongjoong, dared to say anything. You felt really bad that you're the reason why he raised his voice at them.

San turned to you. "Tell me the real reason why. I'm right, aren't I?"

"I can't," you looked away. "I'm sorry, San." Before he could say anything, you quickly unlocked the door and left.

San just stood there, feeling his already broken heart shatter even more. He chuckled bitterly while tears rolled down his face.

"There, you guys got what you wanted for so long," he said while looking at the members. Several seconds later, he broke down again, his back sliding against the wall. Seonghwa immediately went to his side, pulling the younger boy into his arms; it hurt him to see San like that.

"I love h-her, hyung," San sobbed loudly. "Why did she sacrifice her happiness like this?"

"I know, San," Seonghwa said, letting San cry on him. Hongjoong sat beside them, rubbing San's back comfortingly. San cried harder, struggling to breathe. Hongjoong got him a glass of water, but he wasn't able to drink it. After nearly an hour of crying, he fell asleep against Seonghwa.

"Yunho," Seonghwa called out. "Can you carry him to his bed?" Yunho nodded, picking San up; he wanted to cry at how broken his roommate was.

"Y/N . . . don't leave . . . " San murmured in his sleep, making Yunho's heart ache. He quickly tucked San in before heading to the living room where the rest of the boys were.

"We should apologize," Seonghwa said. "What the fuck is even wrong with us? Since when have we been like this? Judging a person so hard when we don't even know her properly? Look at what we've done now."

"Hyung, you and Hongjoong hyung didn't even do anything," Jongho mumbled.

"No, we did," Hongjoong said. "We didn't trust Y/N initially either. But I was fine with her after seeing San so genuinely happy." That last sentence hit the boys so hard. Seeing San happy . . . They didn't know when they would see him happy again.

"I'm calling Y/N right now," Hongjoong said. "I'm putting it on speaker, so everyone keep quiet. If we're really the reason why they broke up, then we're going to fix it." Everyone agreed and Hongjoong called you. You didn't pick up the first two times, but you finally picked up on the third.

"Hello?"

"Y/N, it's Hongjoong. Can we please talk right now, just for a minute or two?" You hesitated for a few seconds before agreeing. "Please tell me why you broke up with San."

"Hongjoong, I'm sorry, but I can't tell—"

"It'll stay between us, Y/N," he lied. "It'll be easier for us to help San move on."

You took a deep breath. "I heard some of the guys talking about me when I came over. I knew you all didn't like me, but I didn't expect you guys to hate me. They also said something about your manager planning to tell San to break up with me 'cause he isn't focusing."

"Ah, so that's why," Hongjoong said, extremely disappointed in himself and the members.

"No, it's not really about that," you mumbled, your eyes watering. "I just . . . I would never make San choose between me and you guys. I didn't want to cause any problems for you all. San loves you all so much, and you're very important to him. It's important for you guys to have a healthy relationship with each other for your career, so I didn't want to ruin it in any way. I didn't want you guys to have any problems with San just because of me." Yunho started crying, feeling extremely disappointed in himself for misjudging you and making San go through so much. Seonghwa and Wooyoung were in tears too. "If your manager asked San to end things with me, I know he'd never do it. So I did it instead."

"Y/N, I apologize on behalf of everyone," Hongjoong said. "We made a huge mistake, and I'm really ashamed. But I want you to know that none of us hate you. I hope you can forgive us."

"Don't worry, I forgave everyone. I understand why they thought I'm using him, so it's fine," you said softly. "I have to go now. I wish you guys the very best, and take care of San, please."

"Y/N, listen," Hongjoong said quickly, but you already hung up. "Fuck."

"We fucked up," Yeosang said, staring at the ceiling. "We fucked up big time."

"You should tell San about it, hyung," Jongho said to Hongjoong.

"I already heard everything," San mumbled, leaning against the wall, startling some of the guys with his sudden presence.

"San, we're so sorry," Yunho said sadly, his tears now dried up on his cheeks.

"Yeah, we shouldn't have judged her," Mingi murmured.

"Your apologies aren't going to change anything," San said nonchalantly. "I just lost the love of my life because of you guys. The sad part is, you all were the only people I trusted other than her." The boys felt terrible, but they knew it was their fault. "You all are so selfish. We're supposed to be a team, right? But none of you even thought about my feelings." San changed his clothes, grabbed his phone and wallet, put on his shoes and left, not wanting to be with anyone right now.

"I don't feel comfortable with him leaving at this time when he's in that state," Seonghwa said.

"I guess he's going to some bar," Yeosang murmured.

And he was right.

"Three more shots, please," San said to the bartender.

"Sir, you're already quite drunk," the bartender said.

"I need it, please." The bartender only gave him two shots, genuinely worried for the younger boy.

Tears rolled down San's face as he took a shot and fidgeted with the other. "Rough day?" the other younger bartender asked; he seemed to be only a year or two older than San.

"My girlfriend broke up with me," San said. "My members didn't like her."

"Ah, you're an idol?"

"Yeah," San nodded, not caring about whether or not this bartender would expose him.

"She must've done it so that your relationship with your members won't get spoiled."

"That's exactly why," San chuckled brokenly, more tears rolling down from his eyes. "I love her so much. And I know she loves me as well."

"Then what are you doing here? Go get her!" the older bartender said. "It's not easy to find genuine love these days. Don't throw it all away just because of that."

"She wouldn't get back with me," San murmured, sobering up a little.

"Well, you said she loves you. If she really does, she wouldn't give up," the younger bartender said. "I know people say if really love someone, you'll let them go. I think the opposite. You don't give up on the person you love."

San pondered about the words he just heard. "You know what? You're absolutely right," San said, getting off the barstool. "I'm gonna go get her."

You were doing pretty bad after the break up. Although it hasn't even been twenty-four hours, you've been a mess.

"If you aren't gonna eat, will you at least drink this?" your best friend said, placing a bowl of soup in front of you.

"I don't feel—"

"Y/N, if you don't fill your stomach up with something, you're gonna feel worse." You sighed, taking the spoon to drink the soup. Your bestfriend waited till you drank everything before leaving for work.

Three minutes later, your doorbell rang. You rolled your eyes, quite sure your best friend forgot something as usual.

"What did you forget now?" you asked while opening the door. "I bet it's your—"

San stood at the door, wearing his usual grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. His mouth and nose were covered with a black mask, and his wet hair was nearly covering his eyes.

"Y/N, can we talk, please?" he asked a little shakily. He was visibly shivering and you wanted to yell at him for not dressing warmly when it was freezing outside.

You immediately let him in, running to your room to get a blanket. He sat on the couch, eyes never leaving you while you wrapped him up in a cotton fleece blanket. You quickly made him some warm tea; you breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped shivering.

"Y/N," he started, sipping on his tea. "I overheard your conversation with Hongjoong hyung." You opened your mouth to say something, but he placed a finger against your lips. "Let me finish, baby."

"I was on my way to your apartment last night, but I was drunk and passed out in the cab. The cab driver tried to wake me up for almost an hour until Seonghwa hyung called me and the driver brought me home," he said, finishing his tea and placing the empty teacup on the table. "The guys and I had a long talk today morning. They apologized for being immature and judging you, but anyway, they will call you later to apologize as well." San cupped your cheek. "Y/N, I know you broke up 'cause you didn't want any problems to occur between the boys and I, but baby, please consider my feelings as well. Your happiness is my happiness. So if you sacrifice that, how will I be happy?" He stroked your cheek with his thumb. "Y/N, I love you so much. You mean the whole damn universe to me. I fucking love you to the point where I literally cannot live without you. Please don't put me—put us through that again. I can't and won't ever stop fighting for us." You choked on a sob, bursting into tears. He pulled you into his arms, crying as well. You apologized for whatever happened while he placed soft kisses on your head.

"I love you, Sannie," you whispered, wiping his tears away.

"I love you too." He took your hand, intertwining it with his, placing a kiss on yours. "Promise me that you won't ever stop fighting for us."

"I promise."