#i don't know why people trust me to be responsible
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Any sort of childish comebacks muttered under breath were brushed off easily by Aaliyah. Rather than comment on it, she simply nodded. "You don't want to get to know me," she said easily. "I rarely want people to get to know me. It's an intentional design, Bri. I'm not asking you to trust me as a person because, well, you probably can't. I'm not even going to ask you to trust me, period, if you don't want to." She shrugged. "But I've accepted this position in the clan, and I intend to do it to the best of my ability. You can, at the very least, trust in that."
Aaliyah simply shook her head. "I won't argue about this. Think whatever you like about how I handled the situation. I am not responsible for stopping Jacob Sullivan from being a fucking imbecile until his imbecilic brings him in front of the Council on trial. I am responsible for making sure that the vampires within the clan do not do something that they could regret." She rolled her eyes, unable to help it. "You could pick up that six foot tall linebacker and punt him like a football before he so much as thought about electrocuting you, should you put your mind to it. Yes, yes, witch magic is the root of all evil. They made monsters and wreaked havoc and likely, totally, upset the balance of things for centuries. They're the fucking worst, we all hate them, I'd ban them from my club if I didn't enjoy taking their money so much." She waved it off. "You have the ability to siphon that magic and use it, too, along with the fangs, the speed, the strength, the senses, the durability and fast healing and all the other benefits we get."
Her head tilted to the side. "Does that concern you? To be a thought of as a murderer? I'm sorry you were told that, about living a life that belonged to another, but it's not really true. Even if it is, there are a thousand little instances every single day with every single person on the planet where that same logic of 'you took someone else's place' could be applied." She frowned. "I cannot begin to understand how the coven works, why they work the way they do, what they are or aren't willing to sacrifice for their own. As for my sire, that doesn't matter. It was years ago." She preferred not to think about the woman, if she could, or to at least try to think of the kinder things from that time. She remembered a conversation she'd had with Ken, about things being easier here than they were outside of town. She still stood by that, but perhaps they could be easier still.
"No, I don't think that. If you'd listen, you would have heard that the question was for you. I am a monster, don't be mistake," Aaliyah said, her eyes as cold as steel. "I don't want you to ever forget that, Brielle. I'm practically an angel compared to what I was, but that doesn't change anything. And I know better than to underestimate humanity. They're more plentiful than us for a reason. They've hunted us since the beginning of our existence, and they've done a damn good job of it. Physical advantages mean nothing if they've trained themselves to combat your weaknesses. It's careless to underestimate them, to look down on them, to coddle. And you do coddle. It's very sweet that the two of you look after each other, but you're up in arms if someone even breathes wrong in Ben's direction. I have known him for years. We have a mutual understanding. Let that be the end of it."
Aaliyah nodded. "We can. Let that be the end of this, too. Resting places are different depending on the location, the tradition of the people. But it doesn't matter." She looked at Bri, impassive. "See? Aren't I a bitch? But I'd offer the same to Veronica Bishop as I'm offering to you if she'd take five minutes to have a conversation instead of attempting to steal my liquor and destroy part of my club." She knew Shrek was a movie. She really didn't give a fuck. Instead, she pulled a pack of cigarette's out of her back pocket and took one out, sticking in her mouth. "Would you have just stepped out and actually had a conversation, or would you have been all mopey?" Anger was an emotion that's easier to work with than sadness. Aaliyah handled it better. "I'm sorry you didn't get what you asked for. I don't think I need to tell you that's just how it goes, sometimes. But, yeah, I mean it. I think I've proven that I really don't give a shit when anyone complains, and you're allowed to walk away at any time. You don't even have to come at all. But the offer's there." She felt mildly chagrinned, but she covered it up, lighting her cigarette inside and taking a drag, smoke pooling out of her nose. "Tuesdays, in the afternoon. We can chat while I do bookkeeping." She started to walk outside, needing to see how her auction was going. "Have a good night, Bri. Try to enjoy it."
"Um actually," She muttered under her breath, as she snuck a peek Aaliyah's way, not bothering to actually point out how saying 'that doesn't exactly sound like you care' is opinion and not a fact though. Not after she was called a fucking nerd in a nearly endearing sort of way. The corner of her lips tilted up ever so slightly at the sentiment. Though any semblance of a smile fell just as quickly as it appeared when Aaliyah carried on. "No, I don't know you, just as you don't know a thing about me. Though, your whole don't give a shit routine, doesn't exactly make me want to?" She countered. Her gaze moved back to fixating on the crowd out on the dance floor as she admitted quietly, "I have enough people in life who may or may not be genuine. I'm not really up for having to decipher another one. Just as an FYI."
"That's bullshit!" She scoffed under her breath as her gaze snapped back toward Aaliyah's. "I had already stopped and if you truly cared about making sure the starving vampire controlled herself then why not tell the one person antagonizing said vampire to shut up? I wasn't going to bite Frankie. Not after Poppy had stepped in. I might have shoved Jake, but you can't tell me he wouldn't have deserved it and, last I checked, pushing someone over isn't against any accords," She huffed. "So the coven advisor's sister gets special treatment? The witches are nepotists, is that it?" She could feel the anger rising in the back of her throat at the hypocrisy of the situation, but when Aaliyah said 'He was acting out of fear' any bite to her words were replaced by blatant distain. "Fear? The six foot white boy whose built like a linebacker and can fucking electrocute people with his bare hands was acting out of fear over what? A teary-eyed 5'6 brunette decked head to toe in pink?" She asked, as if clarify, despite knowing the hypocrisy of the situation all too well at this point. "The witches are the ones who created us, weren't they? That's what it says at the Historical Society. A coven sought power and immortality, so they invented a whole other species. It was witch magic that trapped us in the Emerald Hotel and the Rec Center, wasn't it? And it was witch magic behind pretty much every hellscape the Catalyst put us through over the past two years and, yet, we're the ones to be afraid of?" She lifted a brow up at Aaliyah as she found her jaw tightening even more in resignation. "Because we have fangs, we have to suck it up and wait to get back at them strategically, because we're the ones who have to prove we're not a threat? Okay."
"You know when I came back from the dead, a witch called me a murderer," Her voice dipped into a low murmur as her gaze fell once more. "They told me I was living a life that belonged to another, and, yet, when the pretty blonde supreme died, the entire coven voted to kill someone on her behalf. She was the leader. They 'needed' her, while I was a different story. And you wonder why I don't see a point in a caring anymore. We're always going be the monsters and, the more we treat ourselves differently from the humans and the witches and the fae and the wolves who can't control themselves either, the more we're all going to believe it too."
"I... I'm sorry your sire was a piece of shit. Truly. I can't imagine what that was like. But, my sire murdered me and the left me on my own. So, let me ask you something, from someone whose been trying to figure it out by myself- do you honestly think that your advice would suck more than the trial and error I've already been enduring?" She asked her genuinely, because if getting help was truly worse than wasn't this all futile anyway?
"Are you for real right now?" Her expression twisted into a look of horror as Aaliyah actually laughed before her. "Or maybe you really are a monster," She shook her head in disbelief. "Humans aren't weak and I would never dare act like they are and, if you ever have, then you are the weak one for needing to make someone feel small so that you can feel tall. He doesn't need anything from me. But, we protect each other, because that is what a partnership and love is. I didn't think I'd have to tell you that and I'm not fighting anyone's battles for them. I'm defending the man I love and I know he'd defend me too if someone called me a name to his fucking face and, if you do it again, then we will have nothing else to say to one another." And she meant it. While, she was willing to accept that Aaliyah and her might never see eye to eye on certain issues, if the woman before her truly believed that humans were inferior, then she was no better than any other prejudice asshole in this town who considered vampires to be freaks.
"We can agree to disagree. Death is a part of life. We all experience it eventually. But, those skulls in the wall are sad because no one cared about them enough to give them their own resting place and you're really not helping your case right now when that roommate of mine is a vampire and a clan member who likely needs your help even more than I do," She pointed out. "It's a movie." Though now that she thought about it, Aaliyah might be more similar to Lord Farquaad than Shrek, though she wouldn't say that part outloud on the off chance the woman actually googled it.
"I didn't plan the party," She muttered under her breath. "And the word people is plural, implying that there is more than one. One would be a person and, yes, I know I'm a fucking nerd. Though, I'm sorry you what? If you wanted me to step out of the booth you could have just asked. It wasn't as if I was going to carry on this long of a conversation through a screen door anyhow and I didn't ask for any of this. I wanted a small funeral themed birthday party between me and two of my friends two years ago in celebration of my new life and as a fuck you to the exe who killed me. Only they forgot until now when I was surprised with this and... if you mean it when it comes to helping me, then... I'll try it. I'm not saying I won't complain, but I'm not against hard work. Though, if it doesn't work, I'm allowed to walk away and I mean it when I say no more insulting Ben in front of me. Trying to piss me off, isn't tough love. It's being a dick and I'm not going to put up with that kind of shit."
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Me: My sock is wet, why could that be?
Also Me: *Has a bandaged toe and had the brilliant idea to take a shower and forgot that said bandaged toe does not, in fact, repel water*
#elltee rambles#oblivious rambles#I swear#I'm an idiot sometimes#i don't know why people trust me to be responsible#i just forget basic things
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This is the only thing I'm going to say about the election until it's over:
Anyone who did not vote for Harris or who attempted to dissuade people from voting for Harris, you are indirectly responsible for whatever shit Donald Trump does if he gets elected. That blood is primarily on his hands, yes. But it is also on yours. I hope you can live with that because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to.
#'but gaza' trump wants TO OBLITERATE THEM. HE LITERALLY WANTS THERE TO BE NOTHING LEFT OF GAZA AT ALL. WHY DO YOU THINK#I DON'T WANT HIM IN POWER?????#yeah I said I wouldn't election post I lied sorry.#I know most of you don't actually care what happens to american citizens because we're all Violent Hypocrites who should kill ourselves#and somehow every single civilian is responsible for the actions of a military and government that comparatively few of us are actually par#of but FUCKING HELL. You don't care about THE PEOPLE OF GAZA??? Because that's what you're telling me if you're in favor of#doing anything OTHER than the most likely path to get trump out of politics. which is voting for the candidate DIRECTLY OPPOSING HIM.#the thing about america being an empire that needs to die. is that before it dies. it is still affecting the rest of the world.#I can't make you care about me and my loved ones. but I am IMPLORING you to have some fucking compassion for all the people#who are going to be DEEPLY negatively affected elsewhere if trump gets into power.#THEIR HARM. THEIR DEATHS. ARE ON /YOU/ IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO FACILITATE TRUMP'S VICTORY IF THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.#I don't believe most of you actually have any amount of the sympathy and compassion for others you claim to have.#I don't think any of the causes you throw yourself behind are actually meaningful to you. I don't think any of this is based on a#genuine desire to build a better world. I think you just want your Internet friends to think you are a Good Person.#if I see anyone. ANYONE. acting like a trump presidency is what we 'deserve'. or that it's necessary to 'teach [xyz] a lesson'#I am NEVER speaking to you again I don't care how long I've known you.#us politics#I am a disabled queer woman. almost everybody I love is also disabled and queer. you think we're acceptable collateral damage fine.#but don't cry that I'm being a bitch if I say that that makes me not trust you and not want to have anything to do with you.
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alright everybody can we please stop tagging me/talking about me in the notes of pro keefe/sokeefe posts. i know strieefe has made it so that it's really funny to talk about how much i love him and how much i'm in denial when i say negative things about him under those posts (and that's all in good fun and not the problem), but we have to think about the fact that the ops are just trying to make a positive post and probably don't want a keefe hater in their notes /srs
#i'm not mad or anything like that. promise. it's just a phenomenon i've noticed that has slowly started becoming a trend#it just becomes increasingly difficult to respond in a way that stays true to my opinions while ALSO trying not to offend op#so i usually end up ignoring those mentions or reblogging with like “no comment” or something. which isn't fun for anybody#i've had this happen more than once by more than one person. this is a pro keefe/sokeefe post why are we talking about me of all people#i don't want to offend op with my inevitable anti keefe opinions. talking about keefe haters on a pro keefe post is . . . a choice#i make an effort to try to stay out of pro keefe/sokeefe spaces. trust me when i say i have seen whatever post you're tagging me in#i'm a kotlc tag stalker to the core. i have SEEN these posts don't worry. i just don't interact with them. that's all#when i see them i am definitely tempted to go on a rant about how wrong op is about sophie and keefe's dynamic and how it actually SUCKS#or how much keefe is a shitty character with a poorly written arc and atrocious six-year-old humor. i have written about this AT LENGTH#but guys. the notes of a pro keefe post is NOT the place to be summoning me of all people. what do you even want me to say#i've been @ed on posts like “i love sokeefe” “keefe sencen. you agree. reblog” “people that don't understand sokeefe just don't get it”#<- all fake examples btw. but close enough to real posts i've been summoned to#and it's like. i mean yes i COULD go on a rant about how much i thoroughly disagree. but like. it's just not polite. so i won't#atp how am i even supposed to respond to your mention? i don't even know#on top of that if i reblog a pro keefe post with an anti keefe response for all my probably mostly anti keefe followers to see----#----then they'll agree with me. that version will get reblogged and soon there might be more people on op's post that disagree with them#okay this got way more incoherent than originally intended. hopefully it got the point across. and so on#just things to think about! nothing wrong with @ing me on keefe posts just think about how you want me to respond before @ing me----#----or if i will even be able to respond in any real capacity at all#kotlc#kotlc fandom#keepblr
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We'll figure it out eventually xD I mean, it's all basically one convo anyway...
It's the everyone is isolated instead of interacting with each other thing all over again, except this time they're isolated from who they were a few months ago. Like. What. They had such intertwined progression and beautiful building conflict in S1 ! Mark also legitimately seemed to be representing the conflict between being what his father was shaping him into and just being a hero. Which was great! Now everything is so disjointed and it's like. Why are you doing anything? bc you want your dad to love you and you hate that about yourself ?? maybe???? which barely makes any sense bc your dad is arguably dead for all you know ! what memory are you trying to live up to??? can we get a moment reflecting on that ??? I just don't know anymore!
There is no Debbie parallel in the Cecil - Mark conflict bc she doesn't do anything in the comics and they apparently forgot to keep extending her characterization this season /bitch mode activate
Stop saying you don't trust Cecil! I know you don't trust Cecil! You told me this back in S1 ! Can I learn something new about you and your relationship with Cecil ??? Or how about your relationship with LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE. Paul barely even counts as a new pov on her life bc every time she talks to him it's about Nolan or Mark. Why the fuck did they bail on the SOS timeline so soon. God forbid Debbie has something to do, I guess. Bring Olga back. Let her get drunk with her friend.
They stuffed Mark in a darker palette suit and said, actually, he's an Anti-Hero now. and it's like. what. you barely established him as a hero. You very briefly tried to elevate him up like a hero of heroes with his no kill policy but that backfired on you right quick and apparently he has abandoned that heartily. I don't even necessarily think the no-kill thing should be Mark's moral base, but it was definitely important to his character for a long time so it suddenly going away is wild. It's like that whole 'some people will say Batman technically didn't kill people if he hit them with his car' kind of writing. They just swapped in his 'no kill' policy with 'everyone should go to prison' and it's like.. those are different things?? A guy also just lost his shit on you and used you to commit suicide, but like, finish your date and tell your gf you love her I guess ??? not weird at all to mix those two things together. It's also legit been like, 3-4 months since your very intense break up with Amber. but that clipshow they showed us says you loved Eve from S1 so I guess it's totally cool or whatever. In terms of episodes there were literally 0 episodes that let this boy be single in the sense that a romantic prospect wasn't coming at him swinging. Even if a longer amount of time had gone by in universe it is all just so sudden in terms of episode pacing.
Are you making a very subtle and sly commentary about trauma responses Invincible show, or do you just not know what the fuck is going on ??
They spent so much time on how fucked ALL the Graysons were about how S1 ended and then a bunch of other fucked up shit happened and they spend no time on it at all and it's like ?? you could tho. as a treat. for me.
Shock value is a way to put it. I think in the comic a side character's backstory is legit meta-textually described as shock value (Mark being a fan of comics had the writer give him several moments a la the con scene about animation in the show in order to discuss the way comics work/come together), very quickly discussed, and then absolutely never brought up again?? and it IS a fucked up backstory. so like. I wonder how much Kirkman really just wanted to like, try and comment on certain superhero tropes but not spend time on a more cohesive narrative?? but like. it's been 20 years. Surely you'd at least have something new to say about everything. And maybe also give us more cohesive character arcs along the way.
Hanging this show upside down and shaking it for juicy character bits to drop out of its pockets so I can take them and run away with them and talk about the rich media I just robbed like it wasn't a bit of lint and a penny roughly expelled from a pocket with a hole in it.
While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom
OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.
I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.
I love thinking about these, omg.
#invincible chatter#the eeps can promote rants#or the eeps can lead to nonsense#i think i have both of the eepies rn tbh
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Man, as a trans guy and abuse survivor, whenever I see people saying the likes of, "lmao, men shouldn't be allowed in anything deemed 'women's healthcare'!" It just reminds me that - especially in healthcare - my safety and comfort will never matter so long as it continues to condradict people's preconceived notions of what constitutes people worthy of healthcare. It's just something I wish the well-meaning people who are rightfully frustrated with the state of healthcare would take a second to remember.
Yes, the healthcare system sucks and we must fix it. No, that doesn't mean we ought to leave behind people just because they challenge us on our own biases.
#healthcare#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#i brought up being an abuse survivor because of a conversation i had irl that amounted to 'male gynecologists are suspicious'...#...like maybe i'm a bad victim but i just think it's thoughtless to just erase us you know?#i just don't trust that 'lmao men need to stay 500000ft away from gynecology' is a good response to genuine harm#and it doesn't just apply to gynecological care by the way it applies to all care#that conversation just reminded me of this tendency people have to immediately become suspicious of ANYthing deemed out-of-the-norm#maybe this is poorly-worded and doesn't cover everything but it's just a really annoying issue to have#and honestly it's why i avoid doctors and almost every healthcare provider unless im like... actively dying
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Apparently there was a roundtable with a senior narrative head at bungie about destiny
where he stated "don't expect to be allies with the hive. or even Savathun"
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which to me seems like a weird choice to say right after deeps ending?
That's interesting. Honestly, valid comment to me. Here's the link to the article itself! The dev that made the comments is Robert Brookes. One extra quote that isn't in the tweet (goes in between the two in the tweet):
“It’s gonna be really hard to walk that back from anyone’s perspective. Even if that ever became a possibility, there’s a lot of ground to cover to make amends for that.”
We often forget about that, because obviously everyone deserves a second chance, especially in a situation where the Hive were literally manipulated into becoming what they did, but at the end of the day, their gruesome conquests that wiped out thousands of civilisations is not something that everyone can or has to forgive.
People are really eager to forgive Savathun, completely, which was always weird to me in a fandom that has gone ballistic over infinitely smaller crimes. And I get it, Savathun is an incredibly compelling character, fantastically written, absolute banger of VA work. She's such a crucial element in the whole setting of Destiny and is fascinating to read about her. 100% one of the best characters in the entire franchise, intriguing and complex beyond pretty much anyone else.
But the characters within the story itself can't view her in this way or it would be immersion breaking. To them, Savathun isn't a character that's well written, she's a monster who is responsible for some of the most horrific things across time and space. I can definitely see any alliance with her to be temporary, out of necessity and not exactly on good terms. I would love for us to eventually get together with the Hive and join forces against those that are responsible for their course in life, but I think it's definitely something that, within the universe in-character, is not something entirely realistic and would be difficult to justify.
Definitely an odd thing to say now though. Maybe it's telling us to temper our expectations next season? We need Savathun's knowledge, but I don't see us being besties with her in any capacity. I'm not sure what people expect from a season where we rez Savathun; there's probably a lot of people who expect a Caiatl situation.
Realistically, it might be an uneasy cooperation that will be very limited and possibly exploited by Savathun to get out at the end. Right now she's dead and she can't do anything and for as long as we keep her, we're safe. But now that we need her... We have no choice. We have to get her out and once she's out, she will not be bound by anything to obey us. It's a very risky move, one that we're looking at out of desperation, and the risks were nicely laid out by Saladin, Saint and Zavala in their conversation. That bit is definitely priming us to expect some heavy resistance to help from Savathun from various characters and this comment might be as well.
I can't wait for the next season's story though! Savathun talking to us again, in any capacity, is something I've been waiting for eagerly since the end of WQ. I don't doubt for a second that the conversations she'll have will be full of some heavy stuff and that she will not play nice with us and that she (and Immaru) will make most of the situation where we're desperate for her help. She will probably also genuinely want to get her revenge to the Witness, but not necessarily as our sidekick. I think that continuing with the animosity between her and us adds an extra layer of depth to the whole story with her and the Hive.
#destiny 2#savathun#long post#ask#to me it makes perfect sense that some characters will just never be able to forgive her#and that they will despise her even if she helps us#seen some people being confused about why saladin talked about caiatl being mad#and it's a good example: savathun is responsible for the fall of torobatl. yes it was xivu who invaded but savathun set it up#savathun spent years corrupting caiatl's trusted friend and advisor. savathun organised the portal to open to torobatl#savathun is directly responsible for the uncalculable uluran deaths. ofc caiatl is mad. and for a good reason#it's a nice recent example of how savathun's crimes are such that it just makes sense that people don't want to be friendly with her#even if she's helping us. helping us is the least she can do to buy our good will even if temporary#to some no matter what savathun does it will never be enough. and they're perfectly justified thinking that way#also i know she died and got rezed without memories and all. but she got them all back#if she just removed herself from her past life entirely and didn't deliberately seek out her memories then forgiveness would be easier#still not entirely guaranteed but at least somewhat easier. especially if she didn't still have a thing for fighting us
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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hi i see all your points and they're all valid but i disagree with some of them but also agree with some (regardless of how much i agree with them though your points all absolutely have an undeniable foundation)
disclaimer i haven't watched the show or read the books in a while
1) the pacing was ABSOLUTELY off. nowadays companies don't want to 'waste' money on anything that could be filler episodes, but those filler episodes are crucial to us getting to know a character both under times of extreme stress, but also maybe some more relaxed moments (as relaxed as a quest to get back your dead mom back can be at least)
each chapter in the books had something unique to it. when you mash them up into that few episodes, it gets loud and muddled. stuff happening ALL the time tired a viewer out. it also makes them so focused on the big plot points that they don't get the chance to notice the finer details, thus removing the ability for good world building via show not tell. you're right, everything feels too explicitly given to us. we're supposed to be learning the world with the characters! it's part of the struggle. but instead their struggles and characters are undermined by making it too easy
2) i actually don't think percy trusted poseidon at ALL at that point. they've had no contact until that point, but the fact that poseidon was his father alone got sally killed. percy resents him for that, and for not once showing up throughout his childhood years. i like the fall rather than the jump because it shows an apprehension to trust him (which is a large part of his character! he doesn't trust authority figures right away! not after all his shit teachers! not after gabe!) and a pleasant surprise that poseidon is actually so strongly advocating for percy
i like percy as a parallel to luke. angry at the gods and their treatment of their kids, and of opinion that things need to CHANGE. because that's part of what makes him fighting against the titans so significant. he's not fighting AGAINST the gods, he's fighting **for the demigods**. that requires him to fight for the lesser evil
i also like percy and annabeth as a sort of foil. annabeth had a terrible experience with her mortal family, so she turns to her godly side. and they've been there for her since a very young age!
percy meanwhile has had only good experiences with his mom. the problem is that those good experiences are ONLY with his mom. it's them two against the world to him at first. they're both suffering gabe's abuse, and his dad, who's supposed to be a god with insane powers, just lets it happen? the sally dies because of her association with poseidon. percy's angry at him for not protecting her.
3)
a) GROVER I LOVE YOU. you're supposed seem lowkey pathetic at first BUT THEN PROVE YOURSELF. my shayla 🥺😔
sorry anyways
b) we never got to see annabeth prove how smart she was! we never got to see her just be a normal annoying 12 year old! we never got to see her just be a softie! or a kid!
and i cannot express how much i agree with what you say about her being there at luke's fight. her realization that he can't be saved... doesn't really happen until the very end for her. why is happening here?
however, i think that her crush on him can be nuanced. i don't care for the crush one way or another. i think it works with or without. an infatuation with an older brother figure makes sense! i'm not a younger sibling so i don't know it first hand, but my little sister adored me and would follow my every word or action without question. i like that representation of luke and annabeth's relationship because i adore familial ones. but kids getting 'crushes' on people they look up too also makes sense i think. i'm aroace tho so. take that with a grain of salt lmao bc idk how that works
c) abuse is abuse, and none should be "better/worse than the other." BUT. different types of abuse lead to different trauma responses. that changes their character. what i'm trying to say is that i agree with you lol
d) i think that it was reasonable for sally to get frustrated in difficult moments. i think the issue they had was they lacked any moments that showed her true character. we only see her worst moments, not her best. based on pattern recognition alone, she does come off as a bad mother. badly treating percy, badly treating percy, oh the museum scene is cute! badly treating percy... you see how that reads
you're also right about how it was too much for her character. even in her frustration, i find it hard to believe she would treat her child that way. you could of course argue that percy sees her through a lense because she's the only thing he has (and he routinely has to deal with gabe) but routinely throughout the books she is shown to be a great mother, even with any possible lense removed. it's jsut. bad writing
okay i'm done
please don't think any of this is disrespecting your opinion!! i think your opinions are all valid even if im technically disagreeing with them. i'm just sharing my own thoughts :)
UNPOPULAR (?) OPINION
(pls don't attack me for this 😭😭)
THE PERCY JACKSON SERIES WAS A PISS POOR ADAPTATION!!!
I would like to start by saying absolutely no hate on the actors!! They were perfect for their roles <3
I'm not just gonna be complaining the whole time, there were some things I did like and I do mention them as well.
1) the pacing was all off. I get that they only had 8 episodes to cram all that info and action into, but it really was WAYY too fast paced. The fight scenes didn't feel like fight scenes coz they were over in seconds, and just a lot of the info you're supposed to find out gradually or just know from context clues is outright said instead of shown and spaced out.
Also, just some of the dialogue was really cluncky and weird/unnecessary and made it very awkward to watch at times.
And then the only two long fight scenes dragged on and ended in ways that just completely disregarded a major character moment. Which leads me to no. 2
2) The arch scene. I actually really liked how they changed it to a shrine of Athena's in the show, it really showed how much Annabeth trusted her mother, and when Echidna was able to pass through anyway, the betrayal was a nice touch which really showed how much trouble they were really in.
HOWEVER!!! What I DIDN'T like, was that last fight scene with Echidna and the Chimera, which actually really upsets me coz it was our first decently lengthed fight scene. I didn't mind the fight overall, but the ending was a cop-out.
The scene in the book where he jumps out of the arch is supposed to show how much trust/faith he has in the gods and his father. He trusts that Poseidon will catch him. And yes, ik, Uncle Rick "thought it was closer" and didn't realise the river didn't go directly under the arch, but surely the fact that it wasn't closer holds that much more weight if he had jumped?
3) They completely butchered Grover, Annabeth, Sally and Gabe's characters.
Grover is supposed to be this scared but BRAVE and LOYAL satyr who loves nature and whose entire purpose is to PROTECT young demigods and find Pan (the god of the wild).
Instead, we get this guy who rats out his friend for doing something he didn't even do, AGREES WITH ARES about fucking WAR of all things (I get it was a ploy to get information but I'm still not really vibing coz it was just so out of character), and WAITS OUTSIDE till the fight is finished before running in and asking if it was over yet. And if all that wasn't bad enough, they've turned him into the exposition guy. Uncle Rick, does show don't tell mean nothing to you?? He deserved a lot better than what he got.
Annabeth in the books had so much depth and character dimension; she wanted to break free from her stereotypes (dumb blonde, girls can't fight/are weak etc); she had a lot of faith in the gods (especially her mother - I'm really glad this was shown in the show); she wanted a way to prove herself to the gods.
Instead her character is moulded down into a singular trait. 'Mean'. I personally think it's a step up from her movie counterpart's singular trait of 'girl', but they could also just do her one better and give her an actually fully fleshed out personality.
I understand that, due to her appearance, they obviously can't do the whole dumb blonde thing (which I really don't mind), but they could throw in some struggles about her race and the 'girls are weak' thing too. Obviously they'd have to be careful to handle it respectfully but it's definitely doable. Like, there are so many thing they can do with her character and all they did was make her mean.
I would have liked it to have been more obvious that she wanted to prove herself to the gods, because it's such a big reason why she chose to be part of the quest. Like, the bathroom scene should've made it more obvious that she was scoping him out to see if he was the leader of the quest she was prophesied to be in, instead of that stupid janky line about capture the flag.
I did, however, like that they got rid of her little crush on Luke, because the fandom ruined their sibling relationship because of that. (I can already see the arguments THATS gonna bring up lol). I interpreted her little crush on Luke as something similar to like when you'd have a teacher crush on primary school. A silly little crush because "they're pretty and were nice to me" kinda vibes. A platonic crush if you will ?
ANYWAYS, I'm glad they fixed that up, but I really would've liked to see her and Luke act more like siblings before he left. Like, half the confusion the first time round was coz we didn't get any proper sibling moments before (or after really) Percy came to the conclusion that Annabeth liked Luke. It just would've been a nice touch.
I also really didn't like the fight with Luke at the end (they changed WAYYYY too much) but the thing I dislike the most was that Annabeth was there. She wasn't supposed to be there. Half her struggle through the rest of the books was that she couldn't come to terms with the fact that Luke was on the Titan's side, and tried to hurt/kill them multiple times when they got in his way. It's supposed to be a slow process for her, but having her there would (realistically) speed up that process, and undermine her feelings and struggles from the books.
On another note, I didn't like how they dealt with Cerberus. It felt so unfeeling, when it was supposed to be a more emotional interaction. Annabeth loves dogs, and that was supposed to be one of the moments you learn more about her. It was supposed to be sad when they parted, but instead it was more of a "that thing is going to kill us, we need to get the fuck outta here" kind of situation.
One last thing for Annabeth coz this is getting long. The Fields of Asphodel scene was rubbish. If there had to be one of them stuck there, it should've been Grover. I truly believe he'd have the most regrets out of the three (eg. Thalia dying under his care, losing the teleportation pearl, trusting Luke, regret for ratting Percy out perhaps? Etc). But realistically they all would've planned roots. They each have regrets weighing them down. Anyways, I just thought it was stupid
Gabe is meant to be the absolute worst. He's meant to be an abusive asshole who couldn't give two shits about Sally and Percy. He's meant to be demanding and messy.
Instead we get this somewhat likeable guy whose worst crime is sitting in his chair for hours at a time. We're supposed to hate this guy, so why am I finding him kinda funny? Like yes, he's still kind of a dick, but he's not so irredeemable as he once was, and this version of him DEFINITELY doesn't deserve to be turned into a statue 😭😭
Like, miss ma'am, just divorce him, move out, turning him into a statue was so unnecessary in the show 😭😭
And I hate to say it, but the movies actually got him right.
And that leads me into Sally's character. In the books she's this brilliant woman with a heart of gold who loves her son more than anything. She married an abuser to protect her son from worse things, so he could grow up with a relatively normal childhood without fear of being hunted by monsters 24/7.
She's supposed to be a bit timid, a bit scared of Gabe because HES AN ABUSER. Sally isn't supposed to have her girlbossness yet! She hasn't gotten to the point where she can leave him (both because she's staying to protect Percy, and also because after being with someone like that for a prolonged period of time, it starts to get to you)
Side note - she's also not supposed to keep contact with Poseidon?? It kinda defeats the purpose of keeping Percy underwraps?? (I'm talking about that one flashback in the diner, it doesn't really make sense)
ANYWAYS!! Instead of some quality character development/growth, we get a character who unrealistically doesn't need it coz she isn't really a victim in the first place. They took away part of her character by taking away her trauma. The way that Sally and Gabe are portrayed really takes away from Sally, and the point that her character is at in the show doesn't make sense to her situation in the show's current timeline.
Also, the way Sally treats Percy in some of the flashbacks is fucking disgusting. THAT is NOT my Sally Jackson. My mother is emotionally/vocally abusive and neglectful, and that is exactly how she treats my neurodivergent younger brother. Maybe I'm projecting or looking into it too much, but seeing that in the show from one of my favourite characters in the books was so jarring, I almost started crying.
Because Sally is supposed to be the best mum, everyone loves her coz she's such a wonderful human being, and that's how she's been treating her son. It just makes me second guess how bad my own mum really is. Obviously everyone has their flaws, but getting angry and yelling at a child because he's scared/upset/doesn't want to do something has never been one of hers.
Alrighty, I'm gonna stop yabbering on coz I feel like this is WAYY too long, but I have a lotta thoughts and feelings about this coz PJO is my comfort fandom lol.
Please gimme any thoughts/opinions you like to share <33
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[final stretch]
The time has come for the final chapter... starting with this very inconspicuous campfire
Oh it's a full group interaction ! Finally !! I've been waiting for that !
Throné petting Mahina feels so right she deserves it
Agnea literally encouraging the fire is so silly I love it
As well as her and Partitio being the most wholesome possible duo (seeing them interact could make anyone smile I swear)
Osvald's criticism immediately shut down by Throné goes on to show that this is an established dynamic, they're bouncing of each other naturally because they have been travelling for a while together
And there goes the sacred flames... and in comes the spooky ambient. Nothing could possibly go wrong now
I've got options so Flamechurch it is ! That's the most logical place to go to if it's for the sacred flame
Mindt you are sooooo suspicious right now
And sure enough she is in fact evil. And her name is... Arcanette ? I'm sorry that's too silly a name for her she isn't worthy of it
Ooooh Temenos is ANGRY now (understandably so, she IS responsible for the pontiff's death and a lot more)
On a completely unrelated note cool boss sprite Arcanette I'll enjoy seeing it as I utterly wreck you
Claude mentioned >:c
Oh wow Mindt is fucking dead (not that I feel any remorse)
Guess I'll go to Ku next, it's all shadowy on the map
Kazan is a traitor ??? Damn. Guess he really did operate on another level with all his schemes... that explains the Oboro journal I found though
Not the brightest in the end, betting on the end of the world is a terrible move
To Toto'haha next ! And it's all the way back to Ochette's very first chapter in the temple
So you're telling me this Dark Hunter was, in fact, not only a nutjob but an Arcanette simp ? A shame I never got to personally kick her ass but at least I got another boss to fight out of this
To Crackridge next ! It is the town with all the crescent moon necklace folks, I expect them to show me some lore for it
Nevermind we're journal-hunting in the ruins now
So Ori's brother is Kazan ? I don't why I was under the impression that she had a younger brother but okay fine show me your lore
That's a LOT of involvement... the Rai Mei chapter, and a lot of Harvey as well
What do you mean Harvey's alive ? He exploded last time ! Although if he's not dead I'll have to find and kill him myself, even though he's the reason Osvald was not executed
Elena was being watched ? Don't you dare do anything to her I'll bite you
Interestingly enough Oboro didn't trust Arcanette
Kaldena was puppeteered to the bitter end... also why are you calling it a "most hideous form" that transformation was cool as fuck
So Claude was the one who made Trousseau go batshit crazy and he also failed to convince Castti back then... As if she would ever be swayed by that guy of all people !
"Partitio...confuses me" hell yeah girl that's the spirit ! You can't be all doom and gloom about human when confronted with that good a noodle ! No amount of low expectations and pessimism will change the outcome of believing in Partitio
Even Ori thinks Harvey is messed up lmao, "unhealthy obsession", "severe inferiority complex", "bottomless well of envy in his gut" yep that's Harvey alright
"Besides, I don't trust him. No normal person could fathom that twisted mind of his." so true bestie wouldn't it be nice if he got his ass kicked and exploded about it
It's good to know that her faith is Partitio was genuine after the department store and that Ori really was impressed by not only his accomplishments but also his character (Certified Good Bean™). The effect of Partitio truly is universal
So Claude is, or rather was D'arqest's grandkid who was fed good blood as a foetus and that is so many layers of fucked up but wait there's more ! He was supposed to be a vessel for Vide but decided to get an heir to do that for him and that's why the whole Blacksnakes thing. Beyond fucked up
And he even got Throné (presumably) to steal the creepy staff for him. Wild. I wish I could kill him again
So, Harvey also had a hand in fucking up the Dark Hunter's lajackal, I guess that explains how it grew extra eyes and all
Well that was a lot of lore, I guess I got exactly what I asked for
Her belief in Partitio is what stopped her from sacrificing herself...
And back to Flamechurch I go... time to reignite the final flame.
Wait Tanzy from Giselle travelling troupe is a Mindt simp ?? Is that what she meant by the goddess she swore to all the time ???
Yup, I was right on the money, toxic yuri wins again if you can call that a win (ignoring the fact that Tanzy was sacrificed but that happens, and there's an extremely juicy journal to make up for it)
All right ! All aboard the Grand Terry, we're out for god blood !
Oboro I think you might be an alcoholic, if even now in this circumstances you speak of sharing a drink (yes the drink here might be the blood of his own sacrifice to Vide but still !)
So that certainly was a first attempt at the final boss but I'll just delay it for a hot minute Castti needs more JP to unlock a couple conjurer skills
A hot minute of grinding later we are so back and none of the moment's gravitas was lost
Thank the gods I put the perma level 2 spells accessory on Temenos, revive and restore was a must here
Aaaand conjurer Castti was worth the grind she saved my ass here
How many phases is this boss exactly it feels like I've been fighting for so long...
Victory !! Finally !! (ignoring the fact Throné, Temenos and Hikari are dead, everyone made it !)
Agnea you are dancing on a dead god's resting place and I love you for it
I didn't expect this part to be so long so I'll leave the epilogue for the next reblog
Octopath Traveler II delayed playthrough blogging
[10 hours in]
Contains light spoilers of some early chapters I guess
I started the journey with Agnea because she looked like a sweetie (and she is) and she really has the most jrpg "leave of this small village to see the big wide world to make your dream come true" beginning
I got her to allure a villager that replenishes SP with every dancer skill she uses and she's been the cornerstone to most battles ever since
The second traveler I got was Partitio and he's a funny lad, I love his vibe, hat, jacket, and speech ! Also, the atmosphere of his storyline was a nice dramatic change of pace after the cozy first one I got
I headcanon that Roque's betrayal was in fact very much a divorce with Partitio's dad and I cannot wait to see how that applies to future chapters (I do hope it ages like fine wine rather than milk)
Partitio's combat performance was pretty solid despite a lack of AoE but the weapon variety for breaking was the early highlight
I ignored the fork in the road that lead to Hikari in favor of recruiting Castti because I wanted a healer and I feel slightly guilty (but also not at all)
Castti is literally so nice to people I can't wait to see if she really has an extremely shady past that will torment her for at least 1 chapter before she decides that she's going to be a good noddle in spite of all
Her concocting is pretty fun but I wish I had more diffusing serum (I can make do with latent power for now but it'd more fun to let her do some fun nuking)
Castti is also extremely tanky (she's the only one I have with over 1k HP so far) so she was a very welcome addition to the party
The next step in the journey was recruiting Osvald (I wanted to start with him but the 2 forced chapters made me decide to instead make him the reward for reaching the eastern continent) after I ignored the boat that lead to Ochette and wandered around until I stumbled upon a boat that lead really close to Osvald on the map and eventually found him face-down in the snow (which makes my decision to no start with him even better)
His first two chapters cemented him as one of my favorites beyond the visual vibes I got from the first selecting menu, and his skillset was a cherry on top
AoE magic nuking when I already have some buffing and BP donating in my party ? I'm sold. Free weakpoint reveals every battle ? Even better ! Osvaldo battle voicelines ? Yes please !
After that I found the scholar license and decided that Agnea should also learn to buff spell intensity to make my Osvaldo nuking engine even stronger (she's been doing great and I'm very proud of her)
Since it was on the way to Agnea's second chapter for which she was at the recommended level, I went on to recruit Temenos and he did not disappoint ! He really gave me an impression of being a seemingly upstanding fellow who is in fact not only shady but just the right blend of ambiguous tease with genuine words thrown in (props to his voice acting that really sells it)
His detective moment was also pretty cool, especially after seeing the duality of his abilities to get people to follow him without risk of failure and his (very shady) coercing to get more intel
I considered replacing Castti with him as my party healer but he is very squishy compared to her, and she also has weapon diversity and more consistent debuffing over him so for the time being he's just chilling at the tavern waiting for a party composition that makes him shine
On my way to the big city I found the inventor license and could simply not resist giving it to Partitio it simply fit him too well (and more weapons to break with is very nice), although I'm thinking of changing it later to try a Temenos build that would allow him to break even more and coerce better
Now onto the big city to recruit Throné and let Agnea's story unfold further !
#octopath traveler 2#ot2#ramblings and musings#lots and lots of journals this time around so I took a bunch of notes as I read through them#the lore in this game is so backloaded I would have never imagined this level of connection between the (seemingly) background characters#I'm here for it though#this stretch has had the longest delay between playing it and putting my notes down here but I think the original impression isn't lost#so many good moments with the full party...#and being able to manage everyone in the menu without the tavern is so much better
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I hate being an aroallo autistic person whose sexually matured before I'm allowed to have sexual liberation
#sorry i know this probably sounds weird or fucked or something but like.#it's annoying#it's like everything goes in a circle of GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG TO GET TO 18.#i get why. i get why things are laws are in place.#i get why people under 18 shouldn't be in kink spaces.#because there are horrible people out there.#but i don't suddenly become mature enough to have sex at 18#that doesn't mean they should move the age up#it's just. why did 18 become the magic fucking number that I'm allowed to express myself in the fullest form#AND I WANT TO BE CLEAR. THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO GET ATTENTION FROM OLDER PEOPLE WHO WILL HURT ME.#I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING OF THAT SORT WITH ANYONE OVER 18#THAT FREAKS ME OUT#i just feel like so much of my identity is locked behind a barrier of I'm 16 and not 18#and when i feel like i can handle myself and my parents trust me to be responsible i still can't. do shit.#i can't tell people things that i want to#especially on the internet but also in real life#because I'm under 18#WHICH IS STUPID LIKE I'M SO CLOSE MAN#I'M NOT A 12 YEAR OLD#anyways I'm sorry about this rant I'm just frustrated with things right now#tw vent#I'll just put that just in case#and I'm not afraid to block some people if they come my way after this#like i said i ain't about getting down with 18+ people#i just want to express myself
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they make me so
#tm#the way she immediately goes along with him there's no hesitation and then she immediately puts them in the same boat i want to scream#because there's a way to read this that it's actually too much faith; she trusts him and his methods - weird though they usually are -#maybe too much - the 'one day i'm gonna get fired because of you; that's just how it is' route#(which is like that excellent tag i saw - that lisbon's 'a rebel with the trauma of having to be responsible' -#like she likes breaking the rules and jane breaks them in fun ways (usually) and his rule-breaking gets results#- the 'people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place' bit alsosheskindofinlovewithhimnbd)#but on the other hand there is a bit of 'such little faith' too because yes he gets results but she knows firsthand (and repeatedly)#that he runs the risk of hurting - himself; others; her - while he gets those results#and she's putting them in the same boat she's making them equally responsible for anything that happens#*unequally actually she'd take the brunt of any punishment/backlash as they both know#and you COULD (and i do) see that as her trying (maybe unconsciously) to temper him; to pull him back from going TOO far#whatever you're doing you're not doing alone; remember this is on me now too don't go too far#CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU; WHO NEED YOU#and like does the tempering always work? no; obviously; for multiple reasons#but for her to - on whatever level - think that she would be enough FOR it to work? much to think about#(it's crazy how it's so clear that on some level they both know she's the most important person to him#but they're also just....tucking that fact away until a moment comes when they can actually think fully about what it means#(which would have to be post red john but also they're just avoidant bitches too afraid to look too close i love it)#anyway i'm back at work so i'm back to thinking too much about tv shows that ended 8 years ago it's so cool and stable#(also rigsby just going along with it too lkfasdj i just adore them)#FUCK THE END OF THE EPISODE BARK BARK I FEEL CRAZY#TERESA LISBON YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT TO ME LIKE SHIT
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me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--
my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with
me:
#dylawa rambles#dylawa rants#this man gives zero fucks about actually seeing me go into what I fucking trained to do he just wants me to make him money#i am literally sick to my stomach right now thinking about job hunting again#'i want to see you successful and happy' okay why are you still charging me rent then#why are you making job hunting even more of a traumatic experience than it already is#literally said to him 'I don't trust my chances of finding a new job within two months' and his response: 'oh well go work customer service#it took me MONTHS to find just this internship and it's a miracle it's paid at all#it's in a nice office with nice people and i have my own computer and they feed me almost daily!#i'll live another six months in this hellhole if it means I get a guaranteed post-internship job like this#is it the ideal job? absolutely the hell not#the commute sucks i don't have work from home so i can't get away with doing other shit on the side#i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make#but good fuck it's better than food service or retail#but nooooo he needs me to be his little rent cash cow without him feeling guilty about it#very tempted to bail even if it means I start eating through my savings a little bit#I don't know if I can go through the daily interrogations of 'did you apply? why aren't you hearing back? it's your fault' again#i have somewhere to go but I'm trying to keep it very 'last resort' territory#A) it would make my current work commute twice as long#B) it would require completely burning bridges with my old man bc I'd have to move out in secret#not just because i don't want him to know where the people who are sheltering me live#but also because if he saw that place even if he was willingly letting me move out he'd say 'absolutely not'#because I don't trust him not to do something weird. not necessarily DANGEROUS but. weird.#I want to burn all bridges someday!#but even now that I own my car it's still not the safest course of action#I'm so sick of being stuck dawg!#dylawa vents
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The Maine shooter has been found dead, btw. In case anyone was wondering.
#idk if this is even the right response to have but like. all i can think/feel is#what was even the point of all of that.#like if the goal was suicide by police why did you run off for 48 hours leaving everyone terrified#if the goal was suicide in general why did you have to take 18 fucking people with you.#and injure 13.#it was confirmed to be a suicide. that's what i needed to know the most tbh. personally speaking.#i. feel like i'm gonna say some truly unhinged shit if i don't stop myself LMFAOO#i'm just such a harm reduction bitch. what is the least painful and inconvenient way i can go about this. you know.#fucking pisses me off is all i'm saying.#to the point where i can't even feel relieved. like.#somewhere somebody fucked up and let this guy keep his weapons when he was institutionalized.#being institutionalized in itself is an extremely complicated topic bc our systems fucking suck#and what even was the alternative after everything? jail? EVERYBODY knows the prison system sucks ass#and police are all fucking bastards. again it's another corrupt system that doesn't ADDRESS any issues#they just suppress it and punish it. while also being an enemy to marginalized people in general#so like oooo manhunt police are after him. okay. and i'm supposed to trust that that's a good thing?#but again with every broken ass system ever. what even is the alternative.#to stop an ex military man with a gun who just shot up a bowling alley.#idk man maybe i'm just too autistic for all of this. none of it makes any fucking sense. all of it is fucking stupid.#like. again. what was even the fucking point.
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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i don't get people who think other people's pets are theirs. like where does that type of fucked up even come from
#i'm talking about people who have little to nothing to do with your pet's care btw#not people who are the main provider of care while the pet owner does nothing#i'm talking about people who aren't even there half the time & the pet doesn't entirely trust them like they do you#& they yell at them & stuff too which you have told them the pet doesn't respond well to but they keep doing it anyways#& then there's the renaming#WHY do people think it's okay to rename other people's pets?? & then tell everyone ''oh yeah this guy's name is [wrong name]''#& then you can't correct them without getting ganged up on by the whole family for being mean & not ''letting them have this''#my sister literally reads reddit stories so i KNOW she's seen ones like this where the family renames a child or pet#& they're unanimously voted the asshole for that#i can't imagine how dense you have to be to agree & then turn around & do that exact thing yourself#like does she know? does it bother her? which part? them being voted the asshole or them being an asshole?#this is one of those things that confuses & frustrates me so much i literally can't even think about what to do in response#like there are lines you don't cross & then you come across a person who crosses literally all of them & it's like. what. hello. why#''just put your foot down'' that is literally impossible with people like this trust me#you have to pick your battles & this one is not one you can win because they will literally not stop fighting about it#they have already dug their heels in & won't budge for anything & will just keep calling in backup that are literally just yesmen#like they are experts in wearing you down. you can't fight that. just like. run away & don't tell them where you're going
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