#i don't know where i got the idea that using stabilization is not very good

[suokumi]

Around three years ago I said no to brush stabilization, it was more of an experiment to see how it will work out, plus I was transitioning from sai to csp and didn't like how stabilization worked

oh boy am I having the time of my life trying it again

[linddzz]

I'm not gonna lie "jayce is protective/possessive in a way that a guard dog is" and "but a guard dog has a collar and a leash" have changed my brain chemistry on a molecular, nay, atomic level oh my god I'm a changed person nothing is gonna be the same *feral screaming*

Thank yooouu!!!! I am pretty pleased with that framing for them ever since it occured to me when I was writing out that protective/possessive Jayce post! It really clicked using that description as the summation of the VIBE I got from them even in Season1. That vibe where it's undeniable that Jayce is more physically forward and LOOKS like he's taking charge in those moments where he puts a hand out to hold Viktor back and it LOOKS at first like Viktor just goes along with things.

But there is just. That vibe. That sense. Something about noticing how much Jayce can act assertive but very much wants someone else directing him as Season1 goes. Something about how he's always moving around Viktor. And part of it clicks when you see him putting his head in Mel's lap repeatedly like every single giant dog that does not realize they are not lap size. Then somethinnggg about "man every time he's doing that or even talking to Mel he ends up talking about Viktor huh"

And THEN the something...something about Viktor. About his mix of quiet introversion but the very self assured confidence he carries himself with. The way if something frustrates him he looks over at Jayce like "do something about that." The way that as soon as they partner up it's like he becomes this quiet pivot point holding lots of eye contact while pushing Jayce to do crimes and then being the force of calm confidence as the pressure mounted trying to stabilize the hexgem for the first time. Something about how he always takes Jayce's constant touches and physical looming like it's perfectly natural and you don't know why, but it doesn't feel like Jayce is imposing on him???

And then (for me at least lmao) that exchange on the bridge makes it all CLICK. Jayce got so wound up he ended up snapping at Viktor (bc he is a high energy dog and his response to stress/fear is baring teeth lmao) and Viktor does not even look up as he smacks Jayce's hand away. Does not GLANCE at Jayce as he very pointedly moves away from him and out of Jayce's personal space bubble. And Jayce's hand flinches where it's held out and he immediately says "I'm sorry" in the smallest voice. And THEN, only THEN does Viktor allow the hand on his back to lead him away and you realize. holy shit. Jayce has earned touching privileges back. Holy shit.

and MAN I am usually NOT AT ALL into the idea of D/s dynamics as a lifestyle thing but with those maniacs it's like. Oh you two never even discussed that this is the dynamic. Y'all are just LIKE THAT. If Viktor ever called Jayce "good boy" even as a joke you just KNOW Jayce would DROP to his knees like it's an instinct (making for a hilariously awkward day at the lab)

come with me anon come with me everyone, we gonna explore Dom/sub dynamics that have bonkers types and layers of power exchange nuances in em

[inconveniently-discorporated]

My heart hurts so bad for Aziraphale because I can honestly just relate to him so, so, so much.

(not putting this one under a cut so warning season 2 ahead, I'll tag it at the bottom too)

Aziraphale says, "Nothing lasts forever," but I don't believe for a second he doesn't wish that it did.

He WANTS things to go back to how they used to be. He WANTS the seraphic Crowley squealing with joy as he cranks up the universal machine and sets the stars aflame. He WANTS there to be no sides, he WANTS to believe in the idea of the host united, he WANTS to go back before Crowley got himself in trouble by asking questions. He wants, I think, to be in that moment of creation and adoration forever.

Change seems to frighten him. There's an aspect of uncertainty. There's an element of chaos, the loss of control. I understand this deeply. And what the Metatron offered him was just that: certainty, control, the ability to dictate his own narrative.

I used to be in a toxic job. On top of it, I had intense anxiety and other undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made it even harder to fit in and understand the untold rules I was supposed to follow to get along. When I first got there, it wasn't so bad -- perhaps I was, like Aziraphale, also a bit idealistic. Then there were some changes that brought instability, significant more anxiety, and a lot of nights spent agonizing over my lack of control over it all.

My friends and significant other tried to convince me to leave, but I didn't want to. I didn't know what else was out there. I didn't know if it would be worse. I didn't know what kind of stability it would have.

Then my manager left, so that spot opened up. I had worked there for a long time, and honestly, I never saw myself going into management. I didn't think I could. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. All of that extra stress, on me? Not to mention, getting FURTHER into the job that was taking a massive toll on me? But then...

Then I would have control. Then I could run things the way *I* had always thought they should run. I wouldn't need to worry about who would replace my manager and whether my life would be a living hell -- I would make it what I wanted it to be. Upper management was really pushing for it, so I applied.

To make a long story short: I don't think it went very well. I didn't have the support I needed. I didn't have the emotional skills I needed. I think I did my best, but I'm not fond of those times. At the time, I was SURE that I wanted to move up even more, I was SURE this would make it all better. I thought this was what I REALLY wanted.

But that's not what I needed. What I needed was to get out, and eventually I did. Even as ready as I was to leave, it was absolutely agonizing. I could barely stand to handle the unknown. I was going to work together with my spouse, actually, and I was so excited for that, but I still... I still was upset and worried sick over the dramatic change that would befall my life, after I had made the decision to leave.

That's where I can relate to Aziraphale. I wonder what would've happened if, before I had actually left for good, the head honchos had come up to me and said, "We want to keep you -- how about we offer you (an even higher position)?" -- would I have said no, or would I have wanted to make a difference?

Funny, I said exactly that, too. That's almost why I didn't change jobs in the first place. I said, "But I feel like I'm really making a difference with what I'm doing now." But what pushed me over the edge was realizing that none of that mattered to them, it was all about THEIR control of ME, not the other way around.

I'm so intensely curious to see what happens with Aziraphale next, but I'm sure he will learn what Crowley understands: nothing lasts forever, and sometimes it's good that it doesn't -- even if sometimes we wish it did.

[oh-no-its-bird]

I need. A fic. Where. Kakashi and Rin from the timeline established in "Ming Fan ends up in Naruto and massively derails the plot" end up in canon. And just kinda fucks around and gives us fun reactions n stuff

As a refresher, that timeline looks like this:

Izuna was first Hokage, Tobirama second Hokage, and Kagami the third

Sakumo was appointed 4th instead of Minato since Ming Fan interfered with his mission gone wrong

Kannabi bridge went unfortunately similar to canon, and Obito fell into Madara's hands.

With Sakumo still alive at the time, Kakashi was able to recover from this without the major personality shift, and due to a combination of Sakumo and Ming Fan's additional training, when it was Rin's turn on the chopping block, she instead survived and now continues to live as the Konoha's second jinchuriki

Obito attacked Konoha with the intention of releasing the kyuubi, and at the time Kushina and Minato were in the Senju compound for the birth

Mito got in his way, delaying him long enough for Sakumo to also arrive

In the fight, both Mito and Sakumo died (fucking thanks, Obito. I don't know if Kakashi's gonna be able to forgive u for that one this time around) but Kushina and Minato survived, and Naruto was born healthy and without the fox sealed into him

Kakashi is understandable devastated, and as recovery efforts begin, he's taken in by Minato and Kushina. He offers little fight against this.

With Sakumo's death, Kagami was once again appointed as the Hokage. After only a year or two of stabilizing Konoha + preparing his successor, he quickly gives Minato the hat, and retreats once again to retirement.

Minato makes Kakashi and Rin both ANBU, expressing his desire to have them by his side (at least this time they're slightly older, with Kakashi at 15 and Rin at 17) and puts them on home guard, specifically as Naruto's ANBU guards. It's an easy job, and helps Kakashi in particular to heal some, even if he gets even more rigid about things like rules and formalities

With Izuna as the first Hokage and Kagami as the third (and technical 5th) Uchiha-village relations were actually very good! Thanks to this, the Uchiha massacre was avoided entirely

Kakashi is raised pretty much as Naruto's very protective older brother, with Rin in a similar boat but she still has her own family so there isnt quite so much trauma fueled dependency from her end.

Naruto grows up to be alarmingly talented, with Kakashi and Rin tutoring him, and Minato and Kushina obviously doing their best (though Minato remains mostly busy due to the unfortunate realities of being a Hokage. Meanwhile Naruto is absolutely a total mommas boy)

Kakashi and Rin end up actually fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Naruto wants NEITHER OF THEM!!!!! HES A BIG BOY NOW STOP CODDLING HIM!!!!!)

Canon then proceeds mostly the same, though with some very obvious major changes

Somewhere along the way, Itachi is convinced to ditch Konoha even without the massacre, and later down the like Sasuke also follows suit to investigate what happened with his brother— though this time he leaves with orders from Minato to go undercover, and investigate Sound

(fucking THANKS dad!! -Naruto, probably, when he finds this out)

+ also I originally had some vague ideas for the 9 tails jinchuriki Sakura— with both her and Naruto eligible for the role when it times come to pass the responsibility down. Kushina ultimately going with the very selfish choice of not wanting her son to suffer the same fate as herself, choosing instead to vouch for the skilled civilian girl to take on the burden. Maybe incorporate that into it, that could be fun

BUT LIKE. Codependent queerplatonic besties Rin and Kakashi, some time around when they're fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Minato wants nothing to do with that argument, no matter who he picks someone is going to stab him so he refuses to make the choice himself) — and then somehow wind up in canon

Kakashi is so fun in that au, he's a LOT closer to being the strict, bratty kid he used to be than the lazy, perpetually late slack off we know and love in canon (although, despite his preaching about protocols, he can be alarmingly loose when it comes to bending rules to suit him. Being the special little guy of not just 1 but 2 Hokage's absoloutley made his bad habits so much worse, he can get away with almost anything and he knows it)

He also has some insane unresolved feelings ab his father's death, who is cemented as a hero both in his heart and the hearts of all of Konoha, for both his service and his sacrifice

Sakumo's death wasn't drowned out in the massacre of grief of literally all his loved ones dying in such quick succession, and so it's been given a lot more time and space to fester— Kakashi absoloutley has some revenge type shit going on with the "mystery masked man" who attacked Konoha and killed his father, and Rin stands beside him— having exacted a promise from him to not take on the burden of revenge alone ("that's what comrades are for, Kakashi!")

He can have his revenge quest but only if she gets to come with, you hear!! They probably had some huge blow up fight over it years ago that ended in like, and super dramatic blood pact to do this together. Yay friendship !!! If one of them dies the other will go insane.

Watch your fucking back Obito, if Kakashi becomes too emotional to kill you at the grand reveal, Rin will handle the "overcome by murderous rage" part on his behalf.

Anyways, throw them into cannon !!! Yippie !!!

The two Kakashi's can not look eachother in the eyes without canon!Kakashi developing a rather violent twitch and AU!Kakashi pulling on a face of pure disgust. They are everything they hate in a person and they share the same face. It's very uncomfortable for the both of them.

Having way too much fun specifically thinking ab them reacting to Sarutobi as Hokage— Sarutobi is not and has never been Hokage in their world, they have no idea what to do with this. He's one of the Hokage's advisors, but retired alongside Kagami, so he hasn't been politically relevant in years, not even as Sarutobi clan head since that position recently went to Asuma in their world.

Meanwhile Sarutobi and Danzo are going through all the stages of grief at the knowledge that Kagami was their 3rd Hokage, oh man are they Experiencing Emotions rn fr

That isn't even covering like. Oh hey! Btw! Sakumo was Hokage for a good few years!

(Multiple people looking at this strange, uptight version of Kakashi who very visibly seems to think he's better than 90% of the people in the room at any time: "....that checks out...")

Also!! This Kakashi has never heard people talk bad about his father bc Sakumo's mission never fucked up! The village loved that guy, even after so many years, Kakashi will still occasionally hear murmurs of "if only lord 4th was still around"

He is very much known as and proud of being "the son of lord 4th, the white fang, who died to keep the kyuubi from being released and killing us all"

I'm sure there were undoubtedly some people within Konoha who didn't especially like Sakumo, but even still, theyd never fucking DARE to say anything within earshot of Kakashi. Total death wish, why would u do that?

Obv, other countries no doubt celebrated his death (especially in Suna where he was wildly unpopular and deeply feared) but like. In Konoha? Nah people LOVE that guy, even after so many years.

All of that is to say that if a single person breathes wrong about Sakumo "deserving his death" Kakashi will go fucking insane on their ass. Immediatley. There will be blood. Rin will not hold him back.

Anyways silly Kakashi and Rin snippet time:

"So are you two— dating?"

"I'm out of her league." Kakashi says as simultaneously, Rin replies,

"The only thing that can get Kakashi up is a rule book"

"Isn't that right, Kashi-chan?"

"Can you not??"

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot only your Kushina-neechan can call you that" Rin teased, and Kakashi turned a shade of red so bright he seemed to glow with it even under his mask.

"I was drunk!"

Rin gave him a comforting pat on the back that did absoloutley nothing to actually comfort him. "And you'll never live it down."

"I would be a great sensei!" Kakashi denied, very much ignoring the immediate noises of doubt and disbelief coming from everyone in their general area.

"You hate children!" Rin accused, pointing a disbelieving finger at him.

"I would be a great sensei for Naruto!" Kakashi corrected himself, and Rin rolled her eyes.

"And then what? You tie up the other 2 and leave them somewhere while you teach Naruto?"

"It'd be good for their character!"

"You were supposed to deny that that's what you'd do that, Kakashi!"

"Well if you like the other 2 so much, then you can teach them! And I'll just take Naruto!"

"He needs a team Kakashi!"

"Sensei said—"

"Sensei said you were a little bitch as a kid and a team is what helped straighten out your attitude."

"He did not!"

Rin sniffed. "Maybe he didn't use those exact words, but—"

"Well a team certainly didn't help your attitude, did it? And besides, you don't even like kids either!"

"Hmph. I'd make an exception, because I'm a good sensei."

I think Rin and Kakashi have genuinley fought exactly 2 times.

One was when Kakashi was spiraling a bit on his revenge quest for his dad and Rin got him to promise to let her in on the revenge so he didn't fucking kill himself alone trying to avenge Sakumo.

And one is their current, very petty arguing over who gets to be Naruto's sensei

(Team 7 ends up having 2 very enthusiastic sensei's, who also end up getting a stern talking to from both Minato and Naruto of all people about playing favorites. It's deeply embarrassing for everyone involved.)

I actually just need Rin and Kakashi very loudly arguing over who gets to be team 7s sensei while canon!team 7 stands there like ??????????

AU!Kakashi and Rin are nagging Canon!Kakashi about how lucky he is to be their sensei. Canon!Kakashi needs them to shut the fuck up and get out of his line of sight immediatley so he can have that mental breakdown he's overdue for

AU!Kakashi is going to cause problems for Canon!Kakashi on purpose. He's looking directly into his counterparts eyes and going "Wow Naruto you look just like ur dad. Who is my sensei btw. Did other me tell me that? You should ask him ab that. Sensei said I'd get to be ur big brother when u were born. Just so u know. Oh hey Sasuke! Wow it's sooo funny that ur on team 7 when I also helped train Itachi. Crazy."

He refuses to be silenced he thinks canon!Kakashi is being a cowardly little bitch and will not take "everyone I know died and I'm incredibly depressed" as any sort of reasoning, he's calling it an excuse and telling Kakashi to do better

(Rin is telling him to slow the fuck down and be nicer to himself)

The Kakashi's fucking HATEEEE eachother it's super awkward for literally everyone around them

Anyways the Uchiha massacre !!! in the AU, the Uchiha's relationship with the village is very good, they're incredibly well respected, powerful, and one of the centermost clans of Konoha. Arguably the centermost clan, especially since the Senju are pretty much all gone now

So the Uchiha massacre being a thing is totally out of nowhere and horrifying to Rin and Kakashi. Like, it would have been even if the Uchiha were in poor standing, but that's like THE clan!!! Holy shit!!! And they're— gone? Dead? Killed in their own homes?

They're both told Itachi did it and kinda uhh. Don't fully believe it.

Itachi did leave the village in their world, but peacefully and for unknown reasons still under investigation (and then there was a ton of fun stuff with Sasuke facing a ton of sudden pressure as the new clan heir) and Kakashi and Rin both knew him, having been on team Ro together, so there's a lot of disbelief at the idea that he could do such a thing

But also like, they are in an alternate dimension. One that honestly? Kind of seems to be the worst timeline to them.

Anyways uhhh also fun playing with the HUGE difference in how jinchuriki are treated in the two konohas— one in which the kyuubi was released and decimated a chunk of the village, and another where Obito was stopped before it was released, + their jinchuriki are known war heroes

(Rin was made into a war hero of her own right, coming back from their mission as the new sanbi jinchuriki. People like to say she bested the demon with her will of fire or smthn, it makes for a great story)

Obv they still face a lot of negative stigma (particularly from civilians) but nowhere NEAR as much as canon konoha. Plus like. One jinchuriki is the Hokage's beloved and popular wife, and the other is a war hero. So.

Rin and Kakashi are hearing that Naruto is the kyuubi's jinchuriki and staring blankly at whoever told them. In their world, Kushina still holds the title, and the clan council is in the middle of choosing who will be the next one (Sakura or Naruto)

Rin can help give him jinchuriki lessons!! They can bond over having demons in them <3

Also thinking about how since AU!Kakashi got more time w his dad, he's a lot more aware of and proud of his clan heritage as a Hatake. He wears his clan mon on his clothes just like his old man used to, loud and proud

It'd be cool if I grabbed a fistful from that other obkk child bride ghost marriage au where Rin survives and Kakashi gets kind of partially claimed by the Uchiha bc of Obito's eye + the ghost marriage

Not the ghost marriage part to be clear (Sakumo would never fucking allow it in a million years) but the "Kakashi kind of gets picked up by the scruff by the Uchiha bc of his sharingan and gets special lessons from them and lowkey becomes an honorary Uchiha" bit. Would give him even more reason to a) be really fucked up about the massacre + know Itachi, and b) approach Sasuke

Also it'd just be fun and super funky, especially for those around him reacting to it

Let him wear a shirt with the Hatake mon on one sleeve and the Uchiha mon on the other, in alignment with his eyes!!! It'll be fun!!! It'll be quirky!!!

(Also, it'd mean he's the special little guy of 2 Hokage's and the most important and powerful clan in Konoha. Even more reason for him to be the way he is. Also: infinitely funny.)

I have a couple more abstract thoughts but I think this has become more than long enough, so I'll stop there. But like !!!! Dimension travel my beloved

[miaclemeverett]

amazon standing lamp - using drugs and sex and other unhealthy distractions and coping mechanisms to deal with losing people you love out of your own fault. the top-heavy amazon standing lamp part is a really old wilbur joke (back in 2020 he joked about naming a song this) and it also reminds me of how (i think it was him?) he once said that he moves house so often that he loses so many belongings and only has a few things left that he cares about, i think this pairs really well in the song how the artificial meaningless things are all that remain

mine / yours - the breakdown of a relationship, seeing the warning signs and the things you take for granted assuming a person will stay with you forever despite it all

around the pomegranate - this song reminds me a lot of "since i saw vienna", when a place (california in this song) becomes so married to a person that it serves as a source of comfort and nostalgia for when things were simple and happier. being on the road you can never set down roots and people come and go from your life

i don't think it will ever end - he lives life in front of millions of people (chat in this song) watching his every move, like an actor he either has to play the part he's made for himself or isolate himself from this audience, it's a repetitive cycle that sends him downhill

glass chalet - back in the dark days of 2021 i remember wilbur would always joke (SLASH SERIOUS) about quitting streaming and disappearing off the face of the planet for years without a single word. VERY HEALTHY MINDSET exhibited right here in this song

melatonin 130 - I LOVE 100 GECS!! but in all seriousness the constant reminder that you have mental illness/anxiety your entire life and you can only cope with it, that it impairs you even when you should be happy cus obviously you're living out what you thought was your dream and everyone else thinks you should be on top of the world duh!

oh distant you - JUST KILL ME. your sister was right but WORSE!!!!!!!! again you take for granted that someone will stick with you forever and only after it's over realizing that you can't fill the hole where they were. and again we're back on fixating on who is the villain in this narrative

eulogy - your sister was right but worse 2, this song focuses on the whispers (good and bad) leftover from a relationship. harkening back to screensaver where he says that the subject in talking about their relationship basically makes him sound like hitler, and your sister was right where he talks about the warning signs the subject should have seen, this squarely places the blame on him

dropshipped cat shirt - I LOVE 100 GECS!!! but anyway the grueling day-to-day of being on the move, singing to people who adore you and make up a version of you in their head, latching onto unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep going, you have everything you ever needed and wanted but you're bored out of your mind

the median - short but sweet! as i said earlier, wilbur always has to play a part, and this audience projects their version of himself as the truth

trying not to think about it - I KNOW I PUT DAMN NEAR THE WHOLE SONG DOWN HERE BUT LISTEN. again realizing how much you take for granted the assumption that someone will stick with you forever. wilbur has mentioned before how as a hypochondriac, he's never taken seriously by doctors whenever he doesn't feel well. also this idea of romance and love as something just for the aesthetic, not as something that gives you stability and meaning but realizing that it can be that for you until its too late.

10 week rule - who got him pregnant?? but in all seriousness i think this can be read as a way of turning a new page, but obviously its not as simple as just getting rid of something unwanted

[oraclesraycons]

i never go here, but I was hit with an idea and had to write it. probably needs more work but I'm a little tired of lookin' at it now. if ya'll manage to find any enjoyment out of this I'd appreciate a reblog. don't interact if you're a minor or have no age indicator on your blog please.

Content Warnings: nsft, D.VA gets to be a lil creep, as a treat. Panty stealing, inappropriate use of the D.VA mech. Reader is explicitly described as chubby/fat, is afab (i don't think they're explicitly referred to as a woman), and their chest is implied to be bigger if i remember correctly. Otherwise, I tried to keep race and other aspects ambiguous. I'll happily welcome criticism if I messed up on that <3

Hana never hid the fact she was fond of you.

Well, she called it fond. You called it creepy as fuck.

At first it was easy to excuse. She was a bit of a shut in when she wasn't on missions after all, that was what everyone told you at least. A bit of awkwardness was expected, if anyone in the group could understand that it was you. Her bubbly nature helped ease you to her, reduced the tension.

At least for a time.

But there is a point where having someone stare at your tits so frequently stops being awkward curiosity and starts being weird. And that was just the beginning. It didn't take long for her to start getting handsy as well. The first time you two are stuck in a small space together she takes the opportunity to grasp at your sides, and gently squeeze at the rolls and the small of your waist.

She insists it's for stability, but concedes when you stand firm with your boundaries. It doesn't stop her from doing it again in the future, at any opportunity she got.

Of course, Hana's very physically affectionate with everyone, and never means any harm, so nothing comes of your complaints about it to the others.

The last straw comes when your underwear starts disappearing. You go nearly insane turning your quarters upside down to look for a pair, thinking you'd somehow lost it, when the epiphany hit you.

Fuming, you race out of your room to find her, and grasp her by the collar her shirt after catching her alone.

"I don't know who you think you are, but don't think I haven't noticed the shit you've been pulling. If you know what's good for you, you'll cut it out, got that?" With the demeanor of a scruffed kitten, she slowly nods. You drop her and walk away, praying the issues dealt with at this point.

Unfortunately, Hana was still too busy thinking about your tits bouncing as you raced down the stairs to process any of what you just said. Later that night she ends up using the underwear she stole to rub herself to her memory of it.

Honestly, she doesn't intend to be a creep. She doesn't really care to stop herself either though. Despite what the others say she definitely could, she's a trained soldier, that doesn't count for nothing. It was like she got a bug in her system when you two met; the cutest thing she'd ever seen, between your looks and demeanor.

You tried to put on a tougher demeanor, for yourself and others, but it was easy to see through. Even easier to see through was the way you pretended to hate the way she looked at you, the advances she made. The way your face would turn sheepish and heat up at her stares, the whimpers at her groping at you, it was better than any porn or fantasy.

Really what more could Hana do but escalate? You'd yelled at her for stealing clothes, what would you do if she went farther? She thinks about it as she works on upgrades for the D.VA mech, until an idea hits her. A few more tweaks wouldn't hurt would they...?

The wait is almost excruciating. When you and Hana finally get placed on opposite teams in a training match together, it takes everything in her to be normal about it.

The difference is still noticeable to you though. She's always gunned straight for you in matches like this, like in nearly every other scenario. Laying in wait, deliberately avoiding you, it all gave you a sinking feeling in your gut. But as a support, with your team doing everything but stick together, you couldn't act on it.

In hindsight, it was stupid to flank the enemy like this, but another team member had bulldozed their way to the payload, and you didn't particularly feel like getting knocked out on your way to grab them. Not paying attention, you don't see the DVA mech shifting out of hiding to flashbomb you till it's too late.

She hasn't shot you yet, but your ears are ringing. You don't notice she's moved the mech to stand over you till you slam into it with your back, and slump to the ground again. A quiet whirring sound can be heard emanating from it, before mechanical arms grab ahold of your and lift you up from them just slightly. You try to twist your wrists or use leverage to pull out of the hold, shouting in protest till more arms grab ahold of your thighs, digging into the flesh just slightly as they pull them apart.

Hana gives a giddy giggle in the cockpit, eagerly watching the camera feed from below the machine as she maneuvers it to tear up any clothing between her and your holes. The crack of ripping fabric startles you into a shout, wriggling and protesting further, but it's no use. By now the payload was far enough any team members would be out of hearing range, and too busy fighting to notice your absence.

All according to her plan, after all.

She enlargens one of the screens on her hud, the one trained on your backside, just in time to get a nice view of its large shaft rubbing against the folds of your entrance. A moan begins to bubble up in your throat, but you tamp it down. You've been struggling this whole time your body burns, the head of the mechs cock rubs into you and you realize lube's dripping from it, to make entry easier.

The rhythmic motion of it slipping against you is almost hypnotic, and with nothing else to do, you begin to relax to it. Rubbing down to brush up against your clit, making you jolt, before rubbing back up to poke at your twitching hole. You whimper, and start gently shifting your hips as best you can, to increase the contact with it.

Her heart races a bit faster, and she only subconsciously notices the click of buttons before the mech's cock starts to slide its way in. There's a slight burn, but it's impossible to focus on compared to the feeling of your walls being stretched out. Your moans get louder, and Hana thanks herself for grabbing the bigger toy, against her better judgement.

In no time at all it had managed to pump its way down to the hilt with ease. She briefly pulls her eyes to the other cameras, and is mesmerized by the frontal shot of those tits she's so fond of shaking, back and forth, in time with the machine. The rhythm slowly speeds up, and she can feel herself ache at the sight. The wetness between her legs made the jumpsuit she wore cling just a bit closer. If it weren't for the way she had to sit in the cockpit, she'd have already starting playing with herself by now.

Sloppy, obscene sounds ring out as the false cock continues to speed up, snapping her out of the reverie. The mech keeps a steady hokd on you, keeping your torso lifted and legs stiff. All you can do is sit there and bounce with the motions, taking it in and out of your throbbing cunt. The match and your teammates had all left your mind, the rising tension in your body was all that was left.

It was so close now, you started babbling in excitment. In and out, in and out, until suddenly your body starts writhing and squirming against the machine, and your hole starts to milk her cock. Hana exclaims almost manically with you, and rubs her thighs together as she presses another new button. All of a sudden you feel the shaft give a few pulses, and more warmth fills your hole. It pumps and pumps until it spills out of you and begins to drip onto the ground below you.

Your muscles begin to relax. Breathe.

You only get a moment to sit and revel in it till the machine begins to slowly pull out of you. You whimper and shift in disappointment, but Hana can only focus on the sight of your cunt gaping, and dripping with fake cum. She makes another mental note to herself save the footage to her personal storage before she wipes it.

[purpdrawsthings]

How's life being... Well, like that? Are you two being treated at least semi-decently? You're not being used as punching bags for Mr. Puzzles's emotions, right? Right?

SMG4 : Oh! It's... Not bad actually... Aside from having such terribly planned deadlines and overworking because Mr. Puzzles always gets ideas from... Who even knows who, to the point you even question your own mental stability... It's decent I guess. This is better than what we expected...

SMG3 : As for that semi-decently thing... I guess you could say it's like... Decent? It's like a normal worker and boss relationship but worser? He is a decent but a bad boss at the same time, moreee on the bad side cuz he's him. Also, we are not used as punching bags for Mr. Puzzles emotion. He does let it out sometimes but whenever it's in front of us he would make that crazy face for a second then go back into his office and scream so loud that everyone could hear it. He really thinks we wouldn't notice.

SMG4 : Huh, speaking of decent things, I actually got this "Best Writer #1" mug from him a few months ago because I was doing a good job as a lead script writer. I'd never knew he gave gifts.

SMG3 : And here I was thinking where the hell you even got that.

SMG4 : It's my emotional support mug by the way.

SMG3 : What.

PS : Yes I'm adding context to my older posts so people would actually understand.

Context : They live in actually pretty stable and decent environment. Think of it as a movie/office studio or whatever. Butttt due to them being kinda clumsy and very tired, the place got a bit dirty. Still nice either way. Though, it isn't nice that they don't get fresh air and are always stuck in there for eternity.

As for how Puzzles treats them, I would have to say kinda bossy. He always gives them work and well, other stuff. Like editing videos late. Buttt when they get a little sick, he let's them rest. And by rest I mean only for a day and nothing more than that. He wants to keep his movies coming out as consistent as possible. The reason why he acts like this is because all his time of making low quality films, he was just making them alone with nobody tbh. That's why he manages them so poorly

And no, Puzzles does not use them as punching bugs. He actually doesn't even use violence. He just shouts and gets way too frustrated. If he gets a little stressed, he would just go in his office and scream to let his stress all out. Great way of coping Puzzles =D

As for the last part, that was just a funny last part I just wanted to add because I thought it would be fun. I decided that if an employee [ basically one of the crew ] did a great job, he would reward them. In his case, 4 got three mugs with messages that were way too relatable to him =]

[sam-keeper]

The Visitor aka STRIDULUM (1979)

Ha ha yeah, wooo YEAH

da daaaaa dadadaDAA DAAA DAAAAAAA DADADAAAAA DADADADADA DA DAAAAA YEAH!!!!

This is the most prog rock movie I've ever seen in my life. This is spiritually being painted on the side of a van. Does it have a good plot that makes sense? I don't know, asshole, does Emerson Lake and Palmer's seminal classic Karn Evil 9 part 2 have a good plot that makes sense? I'm telling my kids The Visitor (1979) is Star Wars.

I noticed a pattern when looking at other reviews of this film: they fall back on comparisons, as a slight. Well, it's sort of The Omen, and it's sort of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and it's sort of Carrie, and a little Battlestar Galactica and maybe The Birds... which all sounds very derivative, I suppose, until you actually a movie smashing all those things together, and realize, wait a minute, that's bonkers. It feels like critics grasp for these comparisons while foundering in The Visitor's psychedelic sea, desperate for a point of stability. None of these references offer stable landmarks, though, if you hope to predict where the film will veer next in its crazy pursuit of cool ideas and weird setpieces.

Not that the comparisons are totally off base, mind. This IS the story of Katy Collins, a Wicked Little Kid in the vein of the Omen's Damien or Carrie's... Carrie. It's just that this generic convention of the Bad Seed gets set up at the beginning of the film with a bizarre cosmic encounter between an old space wizard and an apparition of the devilish little girl in what looks like a blizzard on mars, followed by a whole ass monologue by "A Jesus Figure" about cosmic psychic spirits of good and evil dueling it out across the planets, delivered to a bunch of bald, white robed children. Hell yeah. But! But. Katy Collins is otherwise a classic, average evil psychic kid who kills people with telekinesis. And uses it to rig professional basketball matches for her shitty step dad, possibly at the behest of the satanic businessmen he answers to who are REALLY giving some serious drone hive vibes what with the way they all turn their heads at the same time. Oh and she's got a pet hawk that murders people at her behest. No, trust me though, it's a really derivative movie. Not like the movies we have now like uhhhh

[sweating] uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Better touchstones than typical blockbuster fare might be the mind-expanding chaos of paperback epics--Clive Barker's Great and Secret Show, King's Dark Tower, Morrison's The Invisibles. Here's some other fun facts: it was directed by Giulio Paradisi (it's a heavily italian production) but he directed it under the brilliant name "Michael J Paradise". The italian title was "Stridulum", which I guess is latin for something like a harsh or shrill sound or shriek, which fits the whole repeating War Between Birds motif and the use of bird cries in the soundtrack. Oh, and one of the guys playing basketball in the first scene with Katy is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, actual famous athlete. It's sort of a bizarre and improbable movie!

But I don't think I'd be nearly so dazzled by all the crazy shit this film throws at the audience if not for Katy herself, played brilliantly by a young child star Paige Conner. She's written and performed in a way that suggests malice, yes, but a childish malice, a bit of a put-on, a belligerent front that gets more and more petulant and uncontrolled as John Huston as the space mystic Jerzy (yes) Colsowicz (get it) confronts her with the limits of her own powers. There's this sequence where Jerzy and Katy play pong against each other. Jerzy, smiling, accuses her cheating by speeding up the game with her powers. Katy, giggling genuinely, gloatingly informs him that no, she sped up the game using a switch on the game console. Later in the film she tries to drop a fire escape on his head, of course. In that conversation, though, there's this charming chemistry between them, the chemistry of a smart young person and an older adult willing to treat her, not as a peer exactly, but as a thinking being, not just a Thing to be smacked into shape. This dynamic is crucial to the climax of the film and its ultimate conviction that no matter how ghastly Katy is, there's more than just evil to her, which might not be the most seasonally horror-forward message but is honestly pretty damn refreshing. Like I don't know if The Visitor is as good a film as The Omen (ok, I know that obviously it's not) but on balance it's probably got its heart more in the right place. Perhaps notably along those lines, one of the horror subplots of The Omen involves possibility of a woman getting an abortion, whereas The Visitor explores the possibility of a woman being impregnated against her will. While it may lose out on form, The Visitor might just win the long game on its politics.

Also some shitty teens get thrown through a plate glass window, and there's a whole sequence where a big truck's lights are treated exactly like an approaching spacecraft, and it's awesome, I don't know what to tell you, I love this shit.

Read more horror reviews like this all season on my Patreon

[marivoid]

Entry 31

Day 223

This is him. One of the only people that can help me find The Doctor. The Heavy-Body Builder.

One problem: The man is the definition of "Looks scary, is a wet cat of a man." He definitely TRIED to be intimidating, but he failed pretty miserably at it when I met him after being unconscious for 10 days.

(Yes I did a double take. I still can't believe I was out for THAT long)

Picture this: Me walking towards a towering city of collapsing buildings with dust filled air. Eyes focused on the small blinks of light that just barely escape the smog- I'm thinking that I've finally made it! Comparator City!

And then I get absolutely BODIED by a huge hunk of metal. I wish I were kidding. My poor spine! My arm! It got freaking CRUSHED! I was sent flying a decent few feet and ended up crashing into an old light pole (Again. OW.) All that I can remember happening next is that same hunk of metal approaching me and some guy jumping out of it. But then... Well. I was out like a light.

Managed to wake up (after what felt like) a few hours later and oh GOODNESS did it hurt. My back, my right side, my stump of an arm- It all hurt! But there was somebody in the very dim room with me. The same person that crawled out of that hunk of metal.

"Thank goodness you're awake!" He had said when I first gained consciousness. "I was worried that you wouldn't stabilize! You've been unconscious for over a week!"

"I've been WHAT?!" And of course, when I sat up I saw the damage the man had done to me. Machines were strapped all over my body, an IV drip sticking out of my arm (Where he found a clean needle I will not ask.) a whole heart rate monitor- He was stacked! But from the state of everything, he was telling me the truth. "You knocked me unconscious for a week?!"

"Well it's r-really been ten days-"

"TEN DAYS?!"

"Yes- Yes I know it sounds absolutely horrible but! But! You're recovering at an accelerated rate! You should be good to go in a few days? Maybe three? The experimental drug is working great for you!" He had been blabbering and talking so fast that I nearly missed that detail.

"Experimental- I'm sorry, EXPERIMENTAL DRUG?" Of course I had been outraged back then. (Even looking back now I'm still a bit ticked off at being used as a guinea pig for a drug that could have killed me, but hey! I'm alive now!) "You used an EXPERIMENTAL DRUG to heal me."

"Yes! And it worked!" He stepped away from me to grab my prosthetic arm. "And! And I managed to upgrade your arm! It got destroyed- Again I'm so sorry about that- but hey! At least now your map and compass aren't an extra item to carry around!"

"So you fixed the nerve sensors? The solar panels?"

"Uh- No. Unfortunately I don't have access to the receptors or the proper solar panels you need." He had explained while reattaching my arm. "But! But, it works a lot like mine!" He flashed his brass arm, glowing a soft red. "It's powered by redstone! Should last you a solid month before you need to recharge it!"

And there was the main problem. "How in the ever loving hell do I get this 'redstone' stuff? Heck, where could I even get it?"

"Easy! Me!" He flicked on a lever on the backside of my arm and it felt... Nice at the time. Sturdy. Like it wouldn't die on me when I needed it most. "I use the Parrot System, so as long as you can get mail through the Parrots you should be good!"

"... The who?"

You wouldn't believe me if I told you this man began to glow with embarrassment. I mean he LITERALLY glowed. Pointy ears and face turning a bright red that GLOWED.

"Right, uh- The parrots! They're one of the middle tier delivery birds! I'm friends with their Flight Master! I... I take it you have no idea who I'm talking about."

"Not a damn clue."

"First of all, watch your tongue. Second! That's okay! I should have enough in store that should last you about three months- But you really need to find the Flight Masters. They'll help you in the long run."

When he stopped his rambling I focused on the newly upgraded arm. It is always a weird sensation, flexing a limb that's not really there. But the small tug of metal fingers and steel plates listening to one's mind is even weirder. And I mean REALLY weird.

"Who... Exactly are these Flight Masters?" I managed to ask him after a few moments of silence. "How do you... Get under their wing?"

"That-" The man paused and the red glow only grew. "That was a horrible pun-" He has a really nice laugh. Small but breathless.

"But it works! I mean, they have to be Birds of a Feather to Fly together-"

"Stop! Stop, no!"

"When am I going to stop, huh?! Never!" And then I started to laugh. I think it was just my mind needing something to focus on other than the glaring new arm attached to my body.

"Goodness you may be worse than Gri-" His laughter died when he barely mentioned a name. I couldn't get all of it, but it must be the Flight Master.

"Worse than...?"

"Y-You will find out eventually." His tune changed from that point going forward.

He eventually gave me his name (Mumbo) and gave me a quick summary of the three Flight Masters.

The Canary: Flight Master of the small, yellow birds that linger around Comparator City. Used by the residents of said city. Apparently the easiest one to befriend.

The Parrot: Flight Master of the robotic parrots that fly around all over the Crashlands. They're more tricky to get a hold of as they have a whole database on who's a customer and who's not. Need to find the Parrot Flight Master in order to get on the list.

The Crow: Flight Master of the Murders. Every crow I have seen so far apparently belongs to Him. And apparently the only way to find him is a mystery to even Mumbo. All I can do is hope for the best with that one.

That was all the information he was willing to tell me. Apparently I struck a nerve by getting him to almost spill the name of the Parrot Flight Master. I'm still resting in this small room, letting myself recover from being plowed by that big old machine.

I even tried asking him what that THING was that he hit me with! But he just shook his head and said it was a prototype I shouldn't bother myself with.

Things are just getting really overwhelming now. So much information to process. How do I find the Canary? Or hell, the Parrot? I'm not even going to TOUCH the subject of the Crow. What about the Demon? Is he still around? Is he in Comparator City? Will I run out of the weird redstone dust before I find the Parrot?

So many questions.

Too little answers.

I think I'm just going to shut off my mind for a little bit.

MLW

G.U.I.D.E. 67

[jotadoul]

so i'm thinking about how allen schezar is consistently passive and constantly late to everything and takes every L on earth without knowing why. he's like a dog running headlong into a wall and not knowing why it keeps banging its head. it's artful. he does exactly what his dad does And what his dad says he regrets doing lol. he tells him straight to his face and then allen repeats him almost word for word later. he gets so confused and dejected and spaced out when he sees hitomi and van working in perfect synchrony, rendering him the biggest third wheel of all time.

this is the kind of hubristic shit-eating bimbo i can mostly only find in live action media! mind you, i know i'm using a lot of rude words here, but my feelings are very very positive! it's really good writing! his drama is compelling! my one wish is that folken got even a fraction of the screentime given to allen, i think it's a little excessive, but as a character i think he's great.

i was thinking about this anyway and reflecting on how i felt as a kid, and then i saw someone say that when they were younger, they didn't clock how "creepy" his behaviour is + the actions btwn him and hitomi or millerna are, and that's fair because, like, they are. and while as a kid it had me at times exasperated, i really do think that discomfort is purposeful. like however you feel about it, it's not a failure of writing but a success of it.

compare this to everything else... by showing how naturally and mutually van and hitomi's relationship unfolds, where they trust each other from the jump so easily that they don't even think about it, and van being so earnest and guileless, and every time hitomi voices being upset with him, his behaviour changes. he apologises. versus how shallow and posturing allen is (folken: this guy is a clay doll and i'm fixing to haunt him) and how he realises "hmmmmmmmmm............................................. oh yeah, maybe i don't like her actually i think i'm just kind of extremely fucked up," and knowing that the series is breaking conventions on purpose, i also think this is on purpose.

they're saying, hey, you're not wrong for feeling how you do. it makes sense you feel that way. and, also, allen is the guy you Think you want, but he's not Good/Healthy for you. he's the Beautiful Chivalrous Guy who actually is very selfish and spends no time on forethought. he's just as obsessed as proving himself through battle as van, but... well i was going to say that his idea of conquest/achieving stability is done thru securing himself socially, but then i also remembered he's a cop forever. which is like, so true. yes. meanwhile van, although he's a king, is half responsible for disrupting the whole system. the fabric of reality. does he stay a king? we don't know, right? lmfao so coooool. AGAIN I HAVE TO STRESS: i think allen is a MIRACLE of a character. bizarrely rare. so subtly done, but not that subtle either. this is a story told very much in contrasts and comparisons, that's why there's so many foils, no? anyway i love that he's here.

but they have no reason to flat-out Tell this stuff to the younger girls/women watching it like some kind of lecture. while the show is an analogue, it's not a stand-in for parents. to do so would be unkind-- because with any part of the narrative, the goal doesn't seem to be to talk down to their audience. it would also stand in stark contrast to everything about the show that's purely implicit. and that's a LOT of things! there are so many subtleties or unspoken truths with visible, definable effects.

what they can do instead, though, is show that neither hitomi NOR millerna is ultimately dead-set on allen. also, folken is 25, right? gaddes is 27, and dryden and allen are both 21? so we have some good comparisons for what other adult men are like lol. i think i said it before, but with hitomi and van, they're so used to being in the position of chasing what they want that they don't realise what they want is to be comfortable and trusting with another person. this they also don't flat out tell us, but it's plainly obvious; think of their conversation in the woods after they leave asturia.

van is aware (perhaps subconsciously) of his feelings first, maybe, but he has no reason to trust his feelings, and no reason to think hitomi will return them. but iirc... lol, is it after allen is like "yeah i asked her to marry me lol" and van is like "ok.jpg" where the next immediate thing is van being EXTREMELY POTENTLY HARDCORE RAW SEXUALLY UNHINGED WHEN HE SHOWS HER THAT HE WILL FIGHT AND KILL FOR HER IN BATTLE LOOOOL? or was that another time. well, the point stands.

anyway. both allen and van have seen what forcible, unexplainable separation from their children does to a parent. but allen says he wants to keep her on gaea, while van promises her From The Beginning that he'll find a way to bring her home. he never wavers in that promise. and he accomplishes it. they both do, together. none of us want it, i know, but he does do exactly what he said he'd do from the jump. and all they have to do is think of each other... right? and they can't not... right? right??? and we can also trust that fanelia, if not the rest of gaea, will undergo serious reform. folken and van both come to understand that their traditions yield only painful results.

with a series operating on multiple different levels, i think i can trust them that the discomfort they allow us to feel is intentional. the kiss between allen and hitomi is uncomfortable and we know that because it's being artificially engineered, chain.mp3 (one of the best moody songs tbh) is spooky, allen is given uncannily human movements lol, hitomi isn't overjoyed before during or after, in fact i'd say going forward she's much more uncomfortable/confused about him in general? and then van sees it and he doesn't get angry, he doesn't say anything, he's just crushed. they're telling us how to feel without telling us. it's awesome.

it makes sense this would miss us at a younger age, and it makes sense that it would hit you with new feelings on rewatch. with how grand and painful and beautiful a series/story it is, and going by the rest of their oeuvre, i'd be disappointed if it were anything else. i think it's pretty special the way this series reveals more of itself to you per different life stages.

[orquidborgo]

Well, I'm getting a fever and with a lot of ideas, so I'm going to write them here because I don't have anything better to do!

This are concepts/writing ideas I got that I have more or less the story made in my head but I never wrote it down because I don't have the confidence to publish anything (haha self esteem issues are so funny), so here they are:

Jake Muller, professional B.O.Wsitter

* I got this idea while reading a modern fantasy resident evil fanfic (where the wound drips venom from your soul), basically:

After the events of resident evil VI, Jake only accepted jobs that allowed him to fight B.O.W and protect people BUT that didn't get him a lot of money, with Sherry's birthday approaching he is thinking about taking a mercenary jobs that pays very well until he receives a call from Chris Redfield, go to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska(? I'm thinking about changing the location) on a mansion with everything paid to take care of 5 B.O.Ws, just not the way he though he would.

Perfect paintings

* I got this idea from reading a really short story from space marine husbandry (I think it was from @kit-williams, is a story about a custodes, idk I forgot, it was so long ago) but I never got the confidence to write it because I don't think I will write a good mystery piece that'll comply with my expectations:

Detective Arad Yilmaz approached the scene, this is the 4th murder this month, the murders follow a pattern: All of them were strangled to death, had long black hair, honey/light brown eyes, middle eastern heritage and where last seen interacting with a really tall astartes.

The location of the corpses leave a trail as if the murderer have been moving constantly, following the same movement as the chaos warbands path, now with this corpse being found by a Dark Angel the astartes want to take this matter in their own hands.

Will Arad be able to find the murderer, bring them to justice and avoid an all out war between astartes before is too late? The clock is ticking.

There is no home like the one your bonded is:

* After reading Cedric's story in space marine husbandry (I also forgot to say that Cedric belongs to @sleepyfan-blog, sorry) and watching the movie "Bolt" I got thinking, what happens when a space marine grows a bond with a human that lives in another country and is only visiting? So here it is:

Guillermo Testarossa is visiting the U.S.A for his winter vacation, following his aunt's advice to stave off boredom he ventures into the local astartes hospital with his aunt's bonded apothecary. There he meets an injured space wolf, the rest of his vacation he spends it talking and having fun with this astartes but not everything last forever and he has to comeback to his home country Argentina, saying his goodbyes and promising to comeback next year.

Unbeknownst to him, this space wolf will not wait an entire year, using a joke his brother-captain made as motivation, with a camera, a notepad and supplies on his back he embarks on a adventure walking from the U.S to Buenos Aires - Argentina to find his bonded, taking photos and recording everything he encounters in his journey. The only thing he knows is that his bonded lives in San Telmo, works in a coffee shop with private tango shows and studies electronic engineering.

Save us from ourselves

* I seriously need to read Magnus primarch novel because there is no way you are telling me a whole planet of highly trained psykers (this mfs have magic, mind you) with space travel technology didn't have a plan B to evacuate civilians in case of a invasion, and I also like Arknights a LOT so, this is kind of a crossover between 40k and arknights:

Rhode Island is an humanitarian/pharmaceutical organization that travels across space with the mission of saving psykers, protecting those infected with flesh change and find the cure of said illness, right know they have treatment and have developed technology to protect/stabilize psykers with it so they can live a normal life.

Marckus Ahriman is a young 16 year old field operator with signs of mutation and a big heart who wishes for a world where all psykers are free and flesh change is finally cured. In a fateful operation battling against a chaos incursion he finds a soul shard that "calls" to him, upon touching it he remembers: he Magnus the Red, primarch of the Thousand Sons and son of the Emperor of Mankind, or well... A shard of him.

My big... Primarch?: Friendship is Magic (this is a temporary title)

* I watched a few episodes of my little pony so this is a crack fic, don't mind it that much:

During her fight against Starlight Glimmer through timelines; Twilight Sparkle gets "knocked out", but when she wakes up again to try and stop Starlight, she ends up in Magnus's body as a baby. So is basically her dealing with 40k insanity, family issues and trying to go back to her home.

She would try to understand why the other primarchs are so apprehensive of magic and would try to befriend them: She would try and not use magic in front of Mortarion after knowing his trauma and help him through it the best she can, would cure Angron of his nails, Leman would finally like her because she gets tired of his bullshit and start throwing hands and things like that.

Magnus's regular day

* With how pridefull is Magnus about magic, I'm surprised he hasn't gotten in a lot of psychic shenanigans in "regular show" style, every chapter would be Magnus getting into a crazy adventure, sometimes pulling his brothers, any of his sons or a unfortunate custodes along the ride.

The Emperor, Malcador and Constantin are just... Done with his magical bullshit at some point and just let him be because they know that he'll somehow fix it at the end.

So... Yep. This is all I got.

[schizosupport]

hey, can i ask some advice? if u dont have any its fine!

i just got diagnosed and im getting on meds soon, and like, logically i know its good cause when im at my worst i am bad and i dont want to keep living life like that, but im terrified of medication like, any kind. the stuff im already on for like, chronic illness stuff was enough of a struggle but anti psychotics terrify me.

so basically, do u have any advice for someone getting on medication for the first time? i dont know anyone like me (schizophrenic style) and so i dont rlly have anyone to ask for advice

feel free to not answer if u dont want to, and thank u for ur time!!

Hey there anon!

My advice about antipsychotics, as well as any other psychiatric medication, is to give it a try with an open mind. Your mind should be open towards the possibility that this is helpful as well as the possibility that it's harmful. The most likely experience is that there will be things that suck about being on medication, and things that are easier on medication. And you need to be prepared to make a cost benefit analysis about what's right for you.

Another thing to keep in mind is "what kind and what dose". I often see people being put on a quite high dose right off the bat, because the psych has an idea that that's the "right dosis for psychosis". But actually people are very individual, and sometimes much less will do it.

I'm currently on the irriest bittiest baby dose of risperidone. When I was initially put on that 8-9 years ago, they soon gave me a dose that was much too high for me, and as a result I changed to another med (abilify) which was honestly way less compatible with me, but more tolerable at a higher dose.

So ... Doctors often don't like when you want to be informed and use Google to look into meds and stuff like that. But I cannot recommend it enough to look up the standard doses of the medication you get described, and see where your dose falls. If the med isn't having the desired effect, your psych might continue to increase the dose. It's good to know when enough is enough. Don't look up the side effects, but do keep a little list/diary about emerging physical or mental symptoms. And have someone else crosscheck that with the side effects at a point.

Some psychs will prescribe more than one antipsychotic to the same person long term. This is generally not recommended, so especially as an initial move, that would be a red flag to me. Same can be said for starting you out on a high dose, when it sounds like you aren't currently in a psychotic episode. If the med is intended as a longer-term stabilizer and not a way to shut down a psychotic episode, it shouldn't be at too high a dose. For many reasons, up to and including, you want to leave room to increase the dose if you do have a major psychotic episode and need extra help coming out of it.

With all those precautions made I also wanna say that antipsychotics CAN be a good and helpful tool. For me they help me sleep and they take the edge off in a way that nothing else really does. They increase my coherence and they give me a thicker skin to deal with the difficulties of life. In that way they make me stronger.

[gyrovagi]

1-5, 7, 8, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 24, 27, 28, 30, 36, 37, 39, 40, 41, 42 AND 43 for rina hawke pleaz… every time i hear about her she sounds more insane i need to know her brain

(hawke questions) RINA INFORMATION BLAST !!!!! she's my darling she's evil and insane i love her so much.

1. Does Hawke look more like Malcolm or Leandra? Do they look like their siblings?

in my head at least, rina is pretty much the spitting image of leandra. if told they look alike, rina and bethany would insist that's ridiculous, but i realized after settling on rina getting an act 2 fuckass bob that it looks kind of like the bethany haircut i'm used to and it devastated me.

2. What is Hawke's personality and does it change during the years?

SMILES. so rina is primarily purple and i think, meta-level, varric would retroactively remember her even at the start as a charming, witty person who always had a smirk and a smart remark. act 1 red rina did have the same sense of humor when she could display it, but that was rarely. she was just absolutely fucking over it, feeling deeply bitter and used by essentially everyone she'd met in kirkwall the past year, and did not give a shit about anything other than getting paid so she could keep her family safe and afloat.

her shift into purple by act 2 is equal parts an intentionally crafted persona now that she's invested in being seen as a noble lady, and a genuine ability to loosen up now that she's not worried about making ends meet, or about protecting bethany from the templars. in general she has always had a tendency to act the way she thinks people want her to, at least the people whose opinions she cares about. first the person she's really personalitycrafting for is varric, later on it's him and sebastian. neither of them ever fully processed this

3. How did Hawke feel about Lothering? Did they like their home?

i think as a child rina was always fascinated whenever leandra talked about kirkwall and the life she had there, and though she got older and eventually regarded this as childish there was always a part of rina that clung onto the idea that she could have had a life better than this, and maybe she deserved a life better than this. i don't know if rina ever managed to feel fully stable there, the family had already been forced to move before and she always knew it could be a possibility again.

she was quite invested in being liked there though, and after ten years it's impossible not to feel rooted in a place and then devastated when your home is destroyed. act 1 rina misses lothering, act 2 rina thinks kirkwall has done more for her than lothering ever could have.

4. How did Hawke react when Malcolm died?

so. wot says malcolm died in 9:27. bethany's legacy dialogue says carver joined the army when he was 15, the twins were born in 9:11 so this would be 9:26. which is to say, i have a vision where rina (and seongmin) ended up following carver into the army to look after carver, and as a result she and carver were not there when malcolm died. for rina it just... did not feel real to be informed of her father's death by letter, and then she returned home to be crushed by responsibility while leandra collapsed with grief, leaving her very little space to grieve on her own or find closure in her own relationship with malcolm. it felt in the end like malcolm's death cut off any alternative routes for her other than spending the rest of her life taking care of her mom and bethany. more than anything she wanted him back just to take care of everything, including her.

5. What was Hawke's relationship like with their family prior to Lothering's destruction? Who are they closest to?

rina has always been her mother's daughter. for better or worse, it's leandra whose love and good opinion she's clung to since she was a kid. she loved malcolm dearly and idealized him as a source of stability who kept the family safe and together through everything. but it always felt like he was too worried about something else, or more focused on bethany, to really have a close relationship with her. she was the Reliable One, she didn't have to be worried about.

both malcolm and leandra set her up to shoulder a lot of responsibility as the eldest daughter, and her relationships with carver and bethany have always been simultaneously close and strained as a result. she's overinvolved and she's annoyed the whole time while actively refusing to consider that if she clearly doesn't want to, she actually doesn't have to base her whole identity on being the elder sister in her siblings' business. before malcolm's death she kind of hoped that maybe one day she'd find a nice man to get married to and she could start her own family and not worry about her siblings anymore. a part of her always knew this was unrealistic, and after malcolm's death it was just clearly impossible.

7. Who did Hawke join - the mercenaries or the smugglers? Is there a particular reason for it?

something toxic yuri adjacent was happening with athenril i just know it but unfortunately rina is heterosexual. she knew she couldn't afford to be picky but mercenary work honestly struck her as more unsavory and actively dangerous, particularly wrt concealing bethany as an apostate. a smuggler probably knows more about keeping all that hidden. Also me the player just wanted to take the bribe from the guy meeran asks you to kill

8. How does Hawke feel about taking care of their family? Do they feel like they're carrying a burden or do they assume the responsibility?

rina wouldn't know who she was if she wasn't the Responsible One. her identity is very much tied up in being the eldest daughter who the family relies on, but that doesn't stop her from clearly feeling choked by it the entire time. she holds onto responsibility jealously because asking for help would be like admitting she's not good enough, she's doing a bad job. and she hates it and is doing a bad job. she loves bethany. she also knows that if bethany had never been born, or if she hadn't been born a mage, rina's life would have been so much easier. coming to kirkwall and being faced with the life that was once leandra's, the life that could've been hers, makes it so difficult not to keep dwelling on that 'what if.'

10. What's their first impression of Varric?

he's probably full of shit. scratch that, he's definitely full of shit. but he's the first person who rina feels like is reaching out to help her when she's barely been keeping her head above water for the past year. and he makes her laugh.

11. During their first year in Kirkwall, did Hawke recruit everyone? And what are their opinions on the whole group?

jesus this could get so long if i let it. i'll try to make it snappy.

anders: no this one is too complicated to summarize. he reminds her of malcolm and of ferelden, generally, but this honestly makes her uneasy around him. he's objectively doing good work, so it would be unjustifiable to call the templars down on him even if he is an abomination. rina took anders on the deep roads expedition and a part of her wonders - if he'd stayed in kirkwall maybe he would've found a way to keep bethany away from the templars. but then that makes it her fault for wanting to bring a healer and a grey warden along and she can't stomach that. overall actually rina finds him tolerable, maybe even fun when you can convince him to drop the mage-templar thing, but thinks he's misguided/too extreme. up until he nearly kills ella, and then he's a dangerous Thing, but a dangerous Thing that it's better for her to keep an eye on. and varric likes him for some reason.

aveline: the older sister she never had (derogatory). they argue constantly and rina still drags her around everywhere. if aveline had managed to actually ask out donnic by herself rina would have deliberately sabotaged their relationship. instead she just refuses to matchmake which doesn't have the same oomph

fenris: varric and fenris are literally rina's only 100% friends dfsdnjkfn. particularly in act 1 when rina is at her most raw and bitter, i think they see each other as relatively similar people. she's fiercely defensive of fenris' independence, genuinely wants him to be able to build a new life, and for better or worse never really challenges him. Rina tell us more about what you're thinking when fenris kills his mage sister in front of you

isabela: the internalized misogyny involved in her insane beef with isabela is fucking catastrophic. rina's other rivalries are more complicated but she flat out cannot stand isabela. they cannot have A conversation with each other unless varric is around to act as a buffer. expanded on below

merrill: there's a part of rina that can't help but feel sympathetic towards merrill as someone left to fend for herself in kirkwall, away from the only home she's ever known. what this really adds up to though is that she feels like marethari made her responsible for taking care of yet another mage. she feels obligated to watch out for merrill but she doesn't seem to really like her. she's very condescending and paternalistic. she thinks merrill is misguided but the only person she'd hurt was herself until the Evil Mirror entered the picture.

sebastian: well he just cuts a very romantic figure, doesn't he? it's hard to tell what rina's genuine feelings about him as a person are, as opposed to her feelings about him as an idea. every girl wants a prince, varric. and she really wants to be the somewhat romanticized/idealized figure he sees her as, this self-made hero who guides kirkwall through the chaos.

varric: see above answer. clearly her closest friend, her hype man, her darling, they've been maintaining a straightbaiting joke-flirty thing for years and it's impossible to tell if they're actually serious about it. she genuinely loves him and relies upon him and whenever she has to confront the depth of those feelings she gets terrified and retreats to a safer distance. sometimes she is deliberately kind of cruel to him just to watch him let her get away with it. i haven't seen challengers but i think she would love doing some challengers shit to him and sebastian

13. Is there someone, from the Kirkwall gang or an NPC, that Hawke does not like? Why?

rina fucking hates gamlen 😭 but her beef with isabela is truly radioactive like elephant's foot levels it's bad in there. there's a nightmare of internalized misogyny mixed in there, there's her perceiving isabela as a Bad Influence on bethany (do NOT act like a cool older sister type around MY sister), there's some amount of envy of isabela being so determinedly independent and freely pursuing what she wants which rina has never been able to experience. and then they also just do not get along on a personality level i think. this was more pronounced with act 1 aggressive rina, she just thinks isabela is unserious in a way that's not charming.

it WAS extremely funny to get isabela's rivalry scene where she's mad at hawke for being too much of a do-gooder that is not what's going on there. i think isabela actually has an accurate read on rina as someone who's trapped herself in a pit of resentment and takes it out on other people

14. How does Hawke feel about blood magic?

no good bad and evil. malcolm always made that clear and everything rina's seen since coming to kirkwall has reinforced her belief that it's a power that can only be misused. she views merrill as more misguided than malicious but she is really quite mean to her about it.

16. What happened to Bethany/Carver after the Deep Roads expedition and how does Hawke feel about it?

bethany was left in kirkwall (when it comes down to it rina is going to listen to her mom.) and taken by the templars. as much as it was devastating - this is the one thing rina was always told not to let happen, and she never manages to shake the thought that it's her fault (for leaving bethany behind, for taking anders with her on the expedition when maybe he could've found a way to get bethany away) - it also came as something of a relief. the worst case scenario has happened now, and it's... fine. bethany's fine, if anything she seems happier now, because she no longer has to look over her shoulder constantly and she has company and purpose with other mages. rina doesn't have to worry anymore, she's fucking free. by the time act 2 rolls around rina has started to believe all that was wasted effort and there's nothing wrong with the circles actually

24. Is Bartrand dead or alive? Did Hawke let Varric keep the red lyrium?

rina held a vicious grudge and she was not walking out of that mansion without seeing bartrand bleeding out on the ground. (no anders in the party to induce brief lucidity.) and she lets varric keep the red lyrium because he's her pookie

27. What were Hawke's thoughts after Leandra is found dead? Did they blame themselves or someone else? How did they grieve?

everything about leandra's death was just too horrific for rina to be able to process it as real, and the protracted dissociation was really the only thing that allowed her to push through the end of act 2 and stop the city from going to shit. all this is a nightmare and i'm going to wake up. any second now!

rina had to blame someone for what happened, and she couldn't find anyone to blame but herself, and that guilt and failure was absolutely impossible for her to live with. for the most part it came out as anger. aveline ended up getting the brunt of her attempts to displace blame, it's her city guard that failed to find the killer for years, but gamlen had a pretty rough time as well. she lashed out at pretty much everyone without much consideration and most attempts to offer condolences were met with yelling. she could not bring herself to face bethany at all. in my mind palace i think Something Happens between her and sebastian while she's grief spiraling and then they don't have an actual conversation about it for years

28. Did Hawke initiate a relationship with any of their companions? If so, why were they attracted to that companion? Was it a frienship or a rivalry romance?

I have a terrible tendency to flirt with fenris in playthroughs where i know damn well i'm not romancing him in the end sorry fenris. wouldn't have worked out rina has commitment issues and nothing to really gain from pursuing that relationship.

ultimately she's in a rivalry romance with sebastian, though it's important to note that she never at any point stops having the world's worst emotional affair with varric. which began before sebastian even really entered the picture. she does genuinely find him charming and views his faith in the maker as something admirable, she wishes she had that kind of certainty about. anything. but there's no denying that a big part of her attraction to him is based in the fact he's a prince and someone she like... should find attractive and want to get married to. catholic failmarriage!!!!

30. How does Hawke feel about being the Champion of Kirkwall?

she thinks she's finally getting the recognition she deserves. (girl what did you to deserve this. hand over isabela???) it's something that feels real and concrete to cement her as a powerful figure in kirkwall, someone worthy of respect and consideration. and it's hers, not something she inherited but something she won. it really goes to her head, she wholeheartedly buys into the narrative of herself as a big hero and never looks back. mother would be proud.

36. How does Hawke feel about Anders behaviour (in regards to him being secretive about the 'potion') in act 3? Are they suspicious of him or are they understanding?

rina is all-in on separating anders from justice, it's something she's been pushing for ever since he nearly killed ella. she wants to believe he's not beyond saving if he just manages to get that fucking demon out of him. but she does draw the line when anders asks her to distract elthina and realizes something Must be up. she's kind of in denial about it - she wants to believe that the situation in kirkwall is tenable and she can continue living her relatively comfortable life as the city's champion, and she refuses to acknowledge any potential threats to her peace. whatever anders is planning will blow over. it has to.

37. Did Hawke find Charade and how do they feel about discovering a new cousin?

she does not she is not getting involved in gamlen's business like that. she dgaf. if she had, she would not have been impressed with the scavenger hunt charade put her through and the danger, however inadvertent, and they would have parted on bad terms.

39. How does Hawke react to the explosion of the Chantry? How do they feel about Anders's actions and do they kill him or let him live?

it really does feel like a personal betrayal. she doesn't gaf about elthina or anyone else killed in the blast, she realizes immediately that this is what anders was trying to get her involved in, an act that completely destroys her willful ignorance and ensures that her comfortable life in the city she saved is never going to be the same. she thinks he's a fucking madman trying to start a war nobody can win. the only possible judgment is death and she knows that his death won't undo anything, that annulling the kirkwall circle can't stop the dominos from falling, that no matter what she's going to be living in a world defined by the consequences of ander's actions, and it's ruining her fucking life that she fought for over the course of seven years. sorry rina you are living in a tragedy!!

40. Who does Hawke side with - Mages or Templars? And why?

in act 1 rina is really a centrist who doesn't see a problem with the status quo and can't afford provoking the ire of people in power. bethany's her sister but she couldn't care less about these other schmucks she runs into, particularly when she keeps on running into dangerous ill-intentioned blood mages. she becomes increasingly aligned with the templars after bethany is taken to the circle and seems completely content there, but it's really more pragmatic than ideological. if pressed rina might admit that meredith is extreme and sometimes paranoid, but she's the only real power in the city and she does technically get results. it only benefits rina to align with her, to improve her own position and to make sure bethany's taken care of in the circle.

41. What does Hawke do after they flee Kirkwall (if Viscount, after they are disposed by the templars)?

it's hilarious to me if cassandra was desperately trying to track down hawke and rina was literally just. in starkhaven. and it probably was something of an open secret even, but sebastian's not letting anyone in to bother his wife. i don't have a clear timeline vision for when they got married - i like the idea that it was shortly after rina was named viscount as an attempt to like, legitimize both her and sebastian?

42. Do they try to keep contact with the other companions?

with varric, regularly. with aveline, yes, though 9/10 times it's her asking aveline for some kind of favor. obviously she's married to sebastian and she is continually obligated to look after bethany but i honestly think that's it, i think she falls out of contact with fenris and never really makes an effort with merrill. my girl has one (1) friend

43 answered here :)

[nekojetto]

What if s2 ep9 very long review (with spoilers!)

Nothing worst can't happened to the what if serie. I knew it, I was prepared from it. I already think about plot for season 2 and "Supreme can be the final bad guy?" Was already an option in my mind and I like the idea.

Oh and I don't want to read someone telling me "You only the goth boyfriend meow meow fangirl and a anti Carter" I'm not, I 100% know Supreme isn't like I headcanon him, here I'm only taking fact from the show.

I'm going to start with what I find cool into the episode:

I like the fact Captain Carter is the main character of the serie. I like the fact Kahori is a more important and powerfull character than Stephen. I like they changed Stephen monster form. I LIKE the fact Stephen is the bag guy of the season, great idea.

And the biggesst problem is that to every of these point have a "but" and a big one.

I like Captain Carter episode into this season, I started to feel tired during the 1602 episode and seeing her at the final episode ALONE vs Supreme... no Marvel I can't beleive she's stronger than him. She's a super soldier, she's intelligent have a militar formation, but NO she can't use 6 infinites stone like nothing and being more powerfull than Stephen. They are no built up for this (With Killmonger in the first season we have an explanation, he know nano technology, he worked during the whole ep on Ultron armor) Here Peggy use nano bot and the stone like she breath, with a ligth and funny attitude than upset me. She's like this during the whole episode btw. Girl... the multivers is going to die and you're laugthing and Having fun... where is the Carter who understand how in pain Stephen is, and how important the multivers stability is. And everyone at the end gives her their powerfull weapons to figth, good idea btw, but the way it is I can't avoid the Mary sue original fanfic in my head. "She's beautifull, so intelligent, so kind and strong than everyone like her." Carter writing during the whole season is weak like this for me. Compare to the first one, it's a total down grade I'm sorry. And once again I like this character, I have nothing about the idea of having a female warrior as a main character but please PLEASE make her a good writing character in a first place! The interaction between her and Stephen in the first season was well writed, subtile, here we have dial from power ranger episode: "Stephen It's not you!" "I'm not anymore!" Come on!!! I heard that a thousand of time and it's still not working here!

Kahori... Kahori my poor girl... I wanted YOU as a main character of this episode. Imagine someone totally stranger to Stephen's story behing manipulate by him because he looks nice and discovering he's a total unwell crazy demon. Using the 6 stones one by one, because she already knew how to use one. I'm doing what if here... but for now we again got the "side kick color character" syndrome. She has no used into this episode, Carter doing everything alone. I'd love to see here kicking Stephen's butt alone because they are so much more sens than Carter! She fougth Conquistador, she used to infinite stone, she can figth Stephen who is stealing energy from other univers.

And Stephen... I don't even know what to say about him. The whole developpement of his character totally vanish. I HATE when writers makes step back between season to fit their new story and here it's not working. I can totally admit my vision of the character into the first season is not the same as everyone but the best part of the character is that... he could turn to be a bad guy, but he learned his mystake and choose to change. That the most beautifull part of him for me, it's full of hope and positivity. Here turning back to a vilain again isn't a good idea but the fact it's AGAIN because of Christine and acting like everything never happened.. come one. You can totally point the "savior syndrome" he has and only wanted to capture vilain to fixe destroyed univers in general. Pointing the fact it's not his "pain" who turn him evil but his hyperfixation to save ppl. Comparing him to Uatu who choose to doing nothing. Here we never had an interaction between them. I hate the fact they erased his "fragile and unconfident" side into the first season.

I find the final battle as a down grade to the first season. Technically and in storyboard side... they only used old Stepjen technic idea we already saw in the same way and with a "BUT Carter is stronger", in a total lazy way. I still can't believe Carter is stronger than him, She's a super soldier with a shield, he's an overpowerfull sorcerer, ridiculously overpowerfull. I wanted to see FOR ONCE IN MARVEL a figth not around "who's having the bigger one??". We already see how powerfull Stephen is into the first season and the fact they won against Ultron thanks to Carter's Leadership and intelligence. Why you don't use it here?? It's lazy at this point. I wanted a REAL scene where we saw than Peggy has more mental strength than Stephen. Here we have the exact same scene as s1 ep4 but in "Hahaha it's not working on me because... I'm me!" Please can you just leave this episode alone and admit Stephen is over powerfull but less intelligent than Carter? And than Carter doesn't have an unhealthy way to see her dead relationship with Steve. Here the end is still "BAWH!! Carter push Stephen into his own machina Hahahah!! Because... she has a shield and him overpowerfull magic power?"

I feel it into the whole season but the fact we've got 30min epidoe instead of 40min hurted a lot the show. And we totally miss 10min into this final episode to have EMOTIONS. The end of the episode wasn't a good idea, Stephen sacrifice himself to bring back his world but without him, it's perfect on paper but here... THEY ARE ZERO EMOTION??? The butterfly

could go on Christine's shoulder, we could have a sadder sountrack, something more subtile like Stephen still into reflexion of object around here, watching her but can't interact with this world. I don't know but something more than a dial to thanks Captain Carter like she saved the multivers ALONE. HELLO??? And Kahori?? Is she okay??? Where she is?? Maybe I miss something at the end... But the Carter attitude of not even being sad for his Friend Stephen... I hate it once again. And Uatu... UATU??? Stephen saved your life??? He's your friend too??? And... it's totally your fault if he turns evil again, you bring Nat into a new univers at the end of season 2 and you let Stephen alone?? And never interacted with him like you did with Carter??? Wtf Uatu at this point you're only a Carter fanboy ?? You deserve better too!!!!

They are a thousand of plot hole that I'm tired to see... the "magic armor", the bad guy who keep all the vilain/hero alive into the same place "I don't see what bad can happened?", the vilain suddenly becoming stupid and less powerfull for no reason. Like... you have the time stone from the beguining??? As I said before the "sidekick color character", the non respect of fan like... poor Killmonger's fan here. The no used fanservice. Like, it's cool to see cowboy Loki and ThorHulk... but they are no use here. The characters who suddenly all became Clowny Ironman style. Like Stephen made jokes and have a funny side into the first season but it's around Party Thor who has the power to bring fun around him, or when he's less confident to hide his insecurity here he's just... funny all the time for no reason. Same for Carter here. The five years old dial like Peggy having fun of Stephen's cape and him having fun of her British flag... guys what are you?? Children??

I'm so sad to only have Carter at the end and no mention to the guardian of the multivers here?? Like... imagine the drama of the whole team against their old friend! And the perfect way to show her more powerfull power is her leadership, not throwing shield to ppl head.

Yeah as a conclusion I totally can accept one or two mistake like this... but here it's only making out of the show, feeling nothing for the character. The total opposite of the first season. I totally understand WHY it's that bad. I feel they've got less money, less time, less freedom. Than disney were behind they're backs like "we need to sell Carter action model, nothing else." But it's easy to say it's only Disney fault. I personnally put the fault on the writers and director's shoulders. Pushing a Captain Carter without thinking "why" she is a good character. That's the biggest mystake of the second season.

[iridescentoracle]

Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀

Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!

(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)

So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:

TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.

TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.

1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death

So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?

and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.

At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world? (None of this is meant as any insult to Thingol himself, by the way; he can have been a good king who did his best for his people and still rubbed some of his new subjects-by-necessity the wrong way, through no fault of his own or theirs.)

I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.

Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.

And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?

Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.

Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!

2. Dior

All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.

The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?

What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"

(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)

I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.

(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)

I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?

The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.

Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?

[koridoru]

Can you do pegging with sub!tanjiro and can you do it with a trans!reader (female to male please) also sorry I just saw that you were closed so sorry again and I wish you well!

No problem, ill being opening them soon

Content: soft smut, modern au, tanjiro is an innocent bean, pegging (reader and tanjiro are both 18)

MDNI, 18+

(under cut)

It was both Tanjiro and his boyfriend's first time.

You had an idea for what you two could do.

You were both in bed, naked except for your underwear.

You reach into the drawer by your bedside, taking out a strapon.

Tanjiro's eyes widened a bit, curiosity growing inside him.

"Oh! A prosthetic penis?" He asked, knowing his boyfriend was transgender.

You snort.

"No, no, it's a strapon, it's for people like me who don't have dicks so they can have sex like those with them do." You explain.

Tanjiro just smiled and nodded.

"Well, what do we do with it?" Tanjiro wondered, very innocently.

You had come to the realization that he had never seen a strapon before.

"Um, well... I wear it and uh... Put it in your, uh.."

You motion towards Tanjiro's rear end, your face was getting red.

Tanjiro looked to where you were motioning, only for his face to turn equally red.

"O-oh! Well, um... I would be fine with that!" Tanjiro scratched the back of his head, a closed-eye smile on his face.

You nod, a small grin on your face.

You put the strapon on, making sure to lube it up real good as to not hurt your crimson haired boyfriend.

Tanjiro slipped off his boxers, dropping them to the floor.

He had his legs closed, hiding what he had down there.

You crawled over to him, putting your hands on Tanjiro's knees.

"You ready?" You ask.

Tanjiro nodded.

You slowly spread his legs, revealing Tanjiro's erection, both of their faces got a bit more red.

"I uh, I'm not used to having anything...down there, will you be gentle with me?"

You nod happily.

You laid over Tanjiro in between his legs, gently brushing the tip on his entrance.

You pushed a little inside him, just the head.

Tanjiro let out a little whimper, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

You moved his hand, pinning it to the bed.

"Don't be shy, let me hear you."

Tanjiro only nodded in response.

You pushed a little deeper, getting your boyfriend used to being filled.

Tanjiro moaned very softly, his eyes closing.

"Is it too much?" You ask, a bit concerned.

"N-no, please keep going."

You smiled and pushed it in the rest of the way, letting Tanjiro adjust for a bit.

You lean down to his ear, whispering to him.

"How do you want it, darling?"

Tanjiro shuddered a bit.

"Can you please...be gentle with me at first? Then you can be as rough as you want with me..."

You laugh a little, sort of softly.

You nod, starting to move a bit.

Tanjiro let out a little moan, hugging your back.

You continued at this pace, starting to massage Tanjiro's front end as well, which had already begun to leak.

"Ngh...this feels...so strange..."

"But do you like it?"

Tanjiro nods.

You chuckle a bit, starting to pick up the pace even more.

You wrap your arms around his lower back, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as you roll your hips into him.

Tanjiro shudders at the feeling of your breath on his neck, clinging to you desperately, his noises getting louder.

His hips start to buck involuntarily with the rhythm of your thrusting, trying to get as deep as possible.

You move upwards to kiss him, thrusting even harder now.

Tanjiro sounds so needy right now.

He throws his head back, hugging you tightly as a knot forms in his stomach.

His body tenses up as he releases, shooting white threads out as a loud, obscene moan comes from his throat.

He grips you rather hard, trying to stabilize is overstimulated body.

You pull out of him slowly, taking off the strapon and throwing it to the side.

You grab a washcloth and wipe his stomach off, throwing it in a basket and lying next to him, covering you two in the blankets.

Tanjiro lay there panting, his face sweaty and dusted pink, he looks tired.

"So...how was that, babe?"

Tanjiro smiles, rolling over to hug you and bury his face in your chest.

You take that as a 'it was great'.