#i don't know what's the name of that grey one
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touchy subject pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: seeing your ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of a miscarriage, just pure agony! wc: 1.8k inspired by the song 'touchy subject' by peach prc.
a white baby gate fixed in my hallway stays haunting the house with the angels we made; sometimes, i dream, a decade away, we meet in a grocery store; you look the same, with just a few grey hairs. the blonde little girl who tugs on your shirt with your smile looks nothing like me.
it had been four years since you had last been on kildare island; four years of trying to forget the life, or the ruined bones of one, that you'd been escaping from.
after ending your engagement with your fiancé, you'd traveled all around the country in your beat-up truck, hoping to find a place where you'd belong; only to end up back in the outer banks. they say there's no place like home, and in a way, it was true. you can leave kildare island, but kildare island will never leave you.
"everything okay?"
you're startled out of your thoughts by the melodic sound of your mother's voice, and when she follows your gaze to the baby-gate attached to the door leading to the kitchen, her mouth twists into a frown. "i was meant to take that down before you got here..." she chewed on her lower lip, a pang of guilt almost punching her in the chest.
"it's fine." you shrug, trying to lift the ends of your lips into a smile, only for it to look artificial and rehearsed. "i should start unpacking."
"alright." your mother placed her hand on your shoulder, but should've been a comforting gesture, made you feel like you were underwater and the hand was simply pushing you deeper.
you stood alone in the living room of your apartment, the only thing to be heard of was the ticking of the clock your mother had already mounted on the clock, mixed in with the sounds of passing cars, so unlike the day you first moved into the apartment, yet so much like the day you were last there.
"you should keep the apartment."
"rafe, i can't do that. it's way too much, and i'm leaving-"
"it's already in your name." the man sighed, smoothing his hand over his shaved head; he looked so different than usual, the dark bags under his eyes making him look like he had aged ten years, his usually tan face almost pale. "you can do whatever you want with it. keep it, sell it, i don't care. it's yours. i never want to step foot in this place again."
your feet were almost moving on their own, the hardwood floor cold under your feet, leading you to that door, and even though you felt your blood run cold, every cell of your body telling you not to open it, you couldn't help but nudge the door open.
you didn't know what you were expecting.
stepping into the room, you let your hand trail over the soft-pink wall, still remembering the smell of paint.
"you know, you shouldn't be doing that." he sighed, leaning against the doorway. "i can just hire someone to paint the walls."
you roll your eyes, your denim overalls covered in the soft pink paint as the paint stained the white wall, "i want to do this. i'm not gonna hire someone to do everything for me when i'm perfectly fine doing it on my own."
"you're not-"
"hush." you pointed the paint roller at rafe, "i'm doing this. now pick up a paint roller or quit whining."
you look down at the crib, lined with white lace, picking up the brown teddy bear that used to belong to you when you were a child, brushing your hand over the fur, straightening the pink bow around its neck.
hung above the crib, was a picture of a couple that had just gotten engaged, wide smiles on both of their faces; a couple that had once been so familiar to you, but now, it was like you couldn't recognize either of the people in the photos.
it felt like everyone was staring at you as they walked past you; four years clearly hadn't been long enough to make the people of outer banks forget about you, and as you made your way towards the local cafe, you couldn't help but think about how long it'd take for the person you didn't want to know you were in town to find out.
you were strolling down the street, rafe's hand in yours, your fingers intertwined. you licked the ice cream cone, deep in thought, letting rafe take the lead.
"what's going through that pretty head of yours?" he chuckled softly, bringing your hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it, your engagement ring glimmering under the sunlight.
"baby names." you shrug, "what should we name her?"
"do you have any names in mind?"
"i was thinking..." you pursed your lips, not sure if the name you had been considering would be appropriate or not, chewing on your lower lip as you turn your head to face your fiancé, an expectant smile on his lips and his brows lifted in question, "evelyn."
when the name left your lips, you saw his mouth fall open, and for a moment you thought that you never should've spoken, but after rafe cleared his throat, there was a clear smile on his lips, his blue eyes glassy.
"you- you uh, wanna name her after my mom?"
"yeah." you smile, squeezing his hand. "i do."
for the millionth night, you were laid in bed, looking through pictures, featuring the faces of the couple above the crib in the room next door. pictures with the man's arms wrapped around the woman's waist, ones of them holding hands, ones where one was pressing a kiss the other person's cheek, ones from the several midsummers parties they spent together, ones from halloween, thanksgiving, christmas...
the girl in the dress she had planned to wear on her wedding day.
"rafe, where are you taking me?" you laughed, the blindfold covering your eyes, "if the blindfold's for some kinky purpose, you better forget about it."
rafe laughed, continuing to lead you, his large hands on your waist, "come on, have a little faith in me. i'm not that bad, am i?"
"oh, you definitely are. just last week we were an hour late to ava's party because you just thought i was irresistible."
rafe snorted, "well, that's because you were." he pressed a kiss on your cheek, "you can take it off." he whispered, taking a step away from you.
untying the blindfold, you blinked a few times, letting yourself get used to actually being able to see again, only to be startled by the sight of your boyfriend on one knee in front of you, a small velvet box in his hand, "rafe...?"
you wiped away the stray tear that had left your eye without permission before it could reach your jaw, continuing to scroll through the pictures, knowing that it'd be yet another sleepless night, but when you saw a picture of her, you paused.
you weren't sure who was more nervous, you or rafe, even though you were the one in the examination chair, your shirt pulled up and your rounded stomach on full display. his hand was tightly gripping yours, the man's jaw clenched.
"let's take a look, shall we?" the ultrasound technician smiled, and you nodded, feeling her spread the cold gel onto your stomach, a slight yelp leaving your lips, making rafe squeeze your hand even tighter. you looked to him, nodding reassuringly, speaking softly, "it's okay."
rafe's grip loosened slightly and he softened his grip, both of you turning your heads to the screen, and the moment you saw the little lump on the screen, you couldn't help but feel tears stinging in your eyes.
"look. that's our baby."
"shit..." rafe stared at the screen wide-eyed, letting out a low breath, "that's our baby."
just like on any average day on the island, the sun was shining, your skin radiating with warmth as you walked down the street, looking in through shop windows; it had been a few days since you'd first stepped outside, and it seemed like your arrival had become widespread news, and you didn't receive as many stares as you did before.
you arrived at rafe's door, bringing your hand up and pounding on the door before you could stop yourself and chicken out for the third time that week. you were a wreck, unable to sleep, to think about anything other than how much you knew you needed to talk to rafe.
you waited, tapping your foot against the ground and biting down on your lip, when finally, the door slowly started opening, a small smile forming on rafe's lips when he realized that it was you.
"hey baby," he chuckled softly, placing his hands on your waist, "you miss me so much you couldn't even text me to let you know you were coming?" he grinned.
"i have to talk to you." you pull away from his embrace, taking his hands off your waist, the blonde looking down at you with furrowed brows, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest, clearly alarmed by the slight frown on your lips.
"what's wrong?"
"i'm pregnant."
without even realizing it, you had stopped in front of a jewelry store, gazing inside at the things on display as you were going down memory lane inside your head. you let out a small chuckle, about to step back and continue walking, when your blood ran cold, the smile fading away from your face, feeling as if someone had stabbed you in the heart.
to anyone else, it would've just been the backs of two random people. but even without seeing his face, you could recognize the only man you'd ever loved no matter where you went.
his short-sleeved white collared shirt was tucked into his dark jeans, riding up slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, having grown out slightly since the last time you'd seen it, his signet ring on his middle finger.
you saw him let out a chuckle, and you could almost picture how it'd sound, his hand going to rest on the back of the person he was with.
a younger woman smiled up at him, and even just from her side profile, you could tell that she was gorgeous, her flaming hair flowing over her shoulders, the smile on her face genuine, matching his.
and when you saw what she was holding up and showing to him, the knife in your chest was twisted.
an engagement ring.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#outer banks#drew starkey#outer banks fanfiction#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron obx#outer banks rafe#obx season 4#obx4#rafe cameron angst#angst#rafe x you#rafe fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#outer banks fic#rafe cameron fluff
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It's a weird feeling to head into the paddock while looking at pictures of Daniel in LA.
The rational part of Max's brain knows that Daniel won't be there, has known this for a few races already, but there's still a part of him, a part that may or may not be his heart, that hasn't wrapped itself around the thought quite yet.
He has seen Daniel not that long ago, and yet there's a weird ache in his chest at the knowledge that he doesn't know when he'll see him again, if not in pictures of him enjoying his life somewhere else. Somewhere Max isn't.
It's never been like this before. He feels like he's always known where Daniel is for most of his adult life. For most of his life, really, for as long as he's known of Daniel's existence. Even when he was the third driver, even when his hand was broken, even during summer and winter breaks, Max knew that wherever Daniel was in that moment he would have ended up in the paddock. With Max.
But now. Now everything is different. And for what feels like the first time in his life, he doesn't know where Daniel will pop up next, and when, if ever, he'll be within reach.
It's weird and it's wrong and Max hates it.
His fingers itch every day to text Daniel where are you? what are you doing? when can I see you? why are you not here? why are you not with me? but he never does. Both because he knows it's insane, Daniel doesn't owe him any information, Daniel doesn't owe him his presence, and because it would probably be cruel, to tell Daniel I want you here when it wasn't Daniel's choice to go.
And yet the itch remains, and having an alert on Daniel's name so he can catch every piece of trash news about him, obsessively look at his Instagram, and scrolling through social media in search of a glimpse of him doesn't help.
Not even the half a day he had with Daniel, playing padel and then sharing a short lunch, had been enough. The whole time Max had been itching and itching to reach for him, to grab his arm and tell him stay, to drag him to Milton Keynes himself and declare he wouldn't race unless Daniel was in a seat.
He hadn't done any of that, obviously, because that would be insane, and Max is doing his very best to not do any of the many insane things he thinks about, but it had still been hard to let Daniel go when he had hugged him goodbye.
And now he's back in the paddock, in Vegas as if everything wasn't bad enough already, one step closer to his fourth championship, and all he can do is look for all the places Daniel isn't.
It's stupid, and it's painful, and it's insane, and it's not something Max seems to be able to control. So he gives in.
Looks at the tables in hospitality and sees not-Daniel empty places. Does the stupid media tiktoks and thinks this would have made Daniel laugh. Walks in the paddock and thinks Daniel would have made a joke about all these stupid things.
By the end of media day he's tired and annoyed and his fingers seem to move on their own on the keyboard.
I miss you.
He doesn't press send. He wants to. He doesn't want to. He hates it all.
You should be here. It would be better if you were here.
He doesn't send that either, knows it would hurt the both of them.
I saw this hat and thought you would like it
He considers the picture, a weird Fernando-themed hat on some stranger's head. That seems innocuous enough.
He presses send.
The ticks switch from the grey of delivered to the blue of read as he watches, and he feels his heart beat a little faster, waiting for the dots of Daniel's typing to appear.
They don't.
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Unseen, Unspoken
part.2-part.3
Pairing : San X reader / Yunho mentioned
Summary : When you finally decide to confess your feelings to Yunho, San is the first one to hear about it. But you don't realise just how much this decision affects him...
tw : heartbroken Sannie ouch and tears, tears, tears
——————————
You burst into San's apartment unannounced, your usual grin lighting up the space like the sun had decided to shine indoors. San, sprawled lazily on the couch in sweats and a faded tee, looked up from his phone, his lips curving into a smile so genuine it made your heart warmer.
"Sannie!" you chirp, plopping down beside him. “I need to tell you something!”
His heart stuttered, like it always did when you were this close. Your scent wrapped around him, familiar and intoxicating. He sat up, tilting his head curiously, though a small knot of worry had already started forming in his chest.
"What is it?" he asks, voice soft, careful.
You take a deep breath, your eyes sparkling with excitement. "I’ve decided…I’m going to confess to Yunho."
It was like the air had been sucked out of the room. His smile faltered for just a fraction of a second—a fleeting moment he hoped you didn’t catch. His chest felt tight, like someone had reached in and twisted his heart, as if it tried to rip his it out of his chest with such violence that he almost flinched.
But San was good at this. He’d been hiding his feelings for years now, hadn’t he? A master at tucking his emotions behind teasing grins and soft, affectionate words that you never took seriously. He forced his lips back into a smile, one less warm.
"Wow," he says, his voice a little too loud, a little too bright. "That’s…that’s great! Yunho’s a lucky guy."
Your cheeks flushed and you smacked his arm playfully. "You really think so? I mean, he’s perfect, right?" You sighed dreamly but your smile quickly faltered. "But what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if I mess everything up? I'm the worst when I'm stressed..."
San felt like he was shattering into pieces, every word you said driving shards of pain deeper into him. But he couldn’t let you see that. Not when you were looking at him with so much hope in your eyes. He swallowed hard, his throat dry.
"Are you kidding?" he says, leaning in closer. "You’re amazing. Of course he’ll say yes. I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re you."
You laugh, and it’s the sweetest sound in the world, but to San, it feels like a blade sliding between his ribs. You didn’t notice the way his hand clenched into a fist on his knee or how his gaze dropped to the floor as you kept talking about Yunho, trying to not take every word about it like a punch in the face, but you kept hitting and hitting him.
——
For days after that, San avoided you. It wasn’t intentional—at least, that’s what he told himself. He just needed space, needed time to push down the feelings that were threatening to consume him. He ignored your texts, avoided your calls, even went out of his way to dodge Yunho. Seeing either of you felt like rubbing salt into an open wound.
But then, you showed up at his door again.
When he opened it and saw you standing there, your eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down your cheeks, his heart stopped. He whispered your name, stepping aside to let you in.
"What’s wrong?" He asked, tugging the long sleeves of his grey shirt over his hands, ready to use it as tissue for your tears.
You don’t answer right away. Instead, you collapse onto his couch, your shoulders shaking with sobs. San’s chest ached as he knelt in front of you, his hands hovering uncertainly. He wanted to hold you, to pull you close and protect you from whatever had hurt you, but he didn’t know if you’d let him.
"Yunho…" you finally manage to choke out, your voice trembling. "He…he rejected me."
San froze. His mind went blank, disbelief flooding through him. Yunho rejected you? How? Why? He didn’t understand—how could anyone reject you?
For a split second, relief surged through him, so overwhelming it almost made him dizzy. But then he looked at you—at the way you were falling apart right in front of him—and that relief turned into guilt. How could he feel happy when you were hurting like this?
"Hey, hey," he says softly, finally letting himself touch you. His hands rest on your shoulders, grounding you, his thumbs gently brushing against your skin. "It’s okay. I’m here."
You shake your head, fresh tears spilling down your cheeks. "No, it’s not. I was so stupid, San. I thought…I thought he might actually like me back. But he said he didn’t feel the same. He said he didn’t want to ruin our friendship."
San’s jaw clenched. He wanted to be angry at Yunho, to blame him for your pain, but he couldn’t. Because deep down, he knew Yunho wasn’t wrong. Yunho didn’t feel the same way, and he had the decency to be honest about it. San could never hate him for that.
But seeing you like this…that was unbearable.
"Princesse, hey..." he says, his voice low and steady. He moves to sit beside your laying form, pulling you up gently into his arms. You don’t resist, burying your face in his chest as he strokes your hair. "Listen to me. Yunho’s an idiot, okay? He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t see how amazing you are. But I promise you, this doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’re perfect just the way you are."
You sniffle, your hands clutching at his shirt like he’s the only thing keeping you afloat. "I just…what’s so wrong with me that he wouldn’t even give me a chance?"
San’s heart broke all over again. "Nothing," he says firmly. "Absolutely nothing. If he can’t see how incredible you are, that’s his loss. You deserve someone who sees you, who cherishes you, who would never, ever make you cry like this."
His words hang in the air, heavy with meaning. He doesn’t say it outright, but he hopes—prays—you understand. That you hear what he’s really trying to tell you. At least, how much his heart beats for you, that you can hear it over your crying.
You don’t respond right away, your sobs gradually quieting as his warmth and steady presence calm you. He holds you until your breathing evens out, until your tears have dried and your head is resting on his shoulder.
"Thank you, San," you murmur, your voice barely audible. "Thank you for being here..."
He presses his lips to the top of your head, a gesture so tender it makes his chest ache. "Always," he whispers.
And he means it.
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x-nyan: first clan
Wolverine and Nightcrawler
Angel
Mystique and Juggernaut
Darwin
Sabretooth
Forge, Jubilee, and Dazzler
Cable and Deadpool
Kitty Pryde
Storm, Psylocke, and Havok
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch
Beak, Callisto, and Caliban
#razpost#my art#warriors#marvel#x men#jesus let's tag all these guys#iceman#bobby drake#hank mccoy#beast#jean grey#professor x#charles xavier#scott summers#cyclops#magneto#erik lensherr#toad#whats toad's name again? haw would know uhhh#oh yeah#mortimer toynbee#rogue#anna marie darkholme#gambit#remy lebeau#emma frost#i don't know why i feel the need to tag superhero names and real names but it matters to me#anyways. i drew the first piece while watching the new lindsay ellis x men video and then there were 40 more minutes so i drew more#the ''plot'' is that shinestar is one of the last two clan cats along with his ex silverstar and they recruit a bunch of kittypets#and rogues to beef with each other - aka the plot of x men
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Coming in to play! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Webkinz#Webkinz hours! The cute lads have wedged their way back to the forefront of my mind haha#I'm honestly really glad I kept all my Webkinz plush over time and they've survived all the moves and whatnot#Some are still missing - most notably my horses for some reason - but I have the rest onhand and they're still cute and soft and I love them#Getting the opportunity to name and play with them as a young'un made them stick quite strongly in my mind ♪#And I still find some of my design sensibilities with their roots in the gameplay/game design/UI design/interactivity#I think it inspired some of my Video Game Design brain which is an aspect of myself I'm quite happy with :D#And I /love/ plushies probably now more than ever <3 So I'm doubly glad younger me didn't get rid of them haha#Got my lineup that featured in Tala's Requestober this year ♥ I left out a couple for what are probably obvious reasons ahem ahem#If you haven't seen what the Official design of the clownfish is in Webkinz... The plushy is arguably worse lol why that one of all of them#Hire me to design Webkinz fish I dare you#There are actually several cute fish - and several ugly ones! Lol I don't know why they're so inconsistent#It's not like the differences between Signature and Classic! Most of the fish are Classic or eStore! I don't know what gives lol#Anyway lol the other one I left out was my Night Mare since I couldn't remember his name either - which is a shame! I liked him#I still have some fairly clear memories of playing Webkinz with those lads <3 Of the different rooms and relationships and games#It's nostalgic! It's nice to reminisce on something so cheery and cute and light and fluffy :)#As for the rest hehe - I tend to pick up 'kinz whenever I find them at secondhand shops and the like - much like Lalaloopsies#They're out of production! Harder to find - rare and valuable haha totally#I haven't found any New With Tags so far but I'm on the hunt still!! Someday it'll be my turn...#But I Have found some really adorable fellows for cents on the dollar haha <3 Two Blue Whales and a Sheep and Duck!! So cute#My latest find was a Lil'kinz Lioness Cub and she is - So tiny <3 Really adorably constructed with a fluffy nose ahhh ♪#The Long Eared Bunny is my current Free 'kinz! I unfortunately lost the account with Baaby so I had to start over again but that's alright#This time I've got Embroidery and she's in a closet cosplay of Edgar haha - black-and-grey striped shirt with dark pants and round glasses#And angel wings! I was able to snag those from the Ganz website and they're perfect honestly haha ♥ She won an Open Beauty Pageant with it!#Couple of her with Sugar - my first Webkinz I got to play with since Diamond's tag was thrown away :') Sugar's my oldest 'kinz <3#And of her with smol's Free 'kinz since I convinced her to play with me off and on haha - her Leonberger named Borgus :D#And then one final one of what I'd really like - a Webkinz Spider ;;♥ I /know/ they've made spider objects that are really cute!#And April Fools' fake pets of a spider!! Give me the fluffy spider please Ganz even if there's no plushie I just need to pet the spider
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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#baldur's gate#polls#this will be tactician because i want that achievement lol#technically i will be playing all of them as dark urges for the extra content but for them actually being an oc in my brain#two and three are thorn and grey haven't come up with a name for one yet#i don't know what her class will be either... probably sorcerer 🤔
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Been binging some new frogger vids at the moment (i heard 6v6 is coming back soon and am sadly getting hyped) and I had a horrifying realization about two of the characters in the series. behold my madness and weep at my lack of knowledge on both troll quadrants and character interactions. I'm not a fishmonger, I wouldn't know that stuff.
#the rot has gotten worse. this is just evident of it.#I caught myself saying gog today. it might be infecting my lexicon and fake swears like how when i got into 40k I picked up ork lingo and->#now use it unironically in my day to day. Don't like swearing but i like the challenge of having something similar.#and get this. this morning I thought to do troll cosplay.#?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 1: i dont even do halloween anymore? 2:I hate body paint/makeup/nailpolish/other junk you put on your flesh. just grosses m#out and gives me shivers just thinking about it. eugh.. 3:who in the warp would i even cosplay? Terezi? How would I even explain that???#yes hello family. I am breaking my halloween costume absence of several years now to cosplay as a random alien girl from an obscure ->#internet webcomic. Do not think about The Implications™ of that one bit. Don't know what i'm doing in this costume as i am too old for tric#or treating so you have even less to ponder about as I walk around the empty house as a random girl character covered in grey paint while#you all are at various halloween parties. This is normal [NAME-REDACTED] behavior and of no cause of concern or interest#luckily the it passed quickly but still. oi vey how long would it even take to get to that point? you homestuck gits know because I don't#ugh almost forgot i gotta do actual tags. don't want this to be too much of a ->#midnight brainrot#(heh see what i did there)#frogger#kismesis#overwatch#I do NOT pity the people coming across this mess while browsing the overwatch tag for some reason
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ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing
#brielle's the one in the n95 mask (the video is too grainy to actually make out any of the ensemble's faces but she stands out)#and i'm the in my 'teenage tboy's diy first short haircut' era in every scene she's in#apart from everything abt the girl who plays anya. the tea on everyone else is that our director liked the boy who played gleb's voice so#much that she actually lowered some if not all of his parts to be in his range. the guy who played vlad was a total diva and uhm. the phras#'peaked in high school' has been tossed around at him a lot. and the fact that he came back to sub the year after he graduated isn't helpin#his case. also he pressured the girl who played anya's grandmother into wearing old age makeup + spray her hair grey bc he decided he was#going to wear it and since she's supposed to be older than him she had to too and used to waltz into the girls' changing room whenever he#wanted. everyone was like super shocked during auditions though bc we all thought he was a shoe-in for dimitry esp since seniors get#priority casting bc it's their last chance. but at callbacks (we had singing auditions via video and dance auditions in person and callback#were tacked on to the dance auditions) he kinda flubbed his song and then this freshman. who was with us via google meet bc he literally ha#covid at the time absolutely blew him out of the water and i remember walking away w brielle like 'holy shit [first name] [last name] just#lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a#much better vlad then he would've made a dimitry and while he is. a lot. he's always been nice to me and i did briefly idolize him and his#stage presence way i did anya's singing voice but that faded when i got into hs and started actually observing his prima donna ways#(the one production we were in together before in middle school we didn't have any scenes together). the girl who played the grandma#actually shouted me out in cast circle and that's the only time that's ever happened to me. also i'm p sure her dad is/was dating someone m#dad and by extension myself work with so that's. Oh My God. like she (the one who works for my dad) brought him w her to a comedy show as i#think her bf but i'm not 100% sure and when he found out what school i went to he mentioned his daughter went there and despite the fact#that i basically have a script for when people ask me that question bc i do NOT pay attention to most of my fellow students and don't know#anyone i was like 'holy shit' bc i actually did. hm what else. the guy who played the tsar and i used to shittalk bad period dramas#backstage during the first part of act 2. also during the press conference scene i need you to picture all the bolshevik soldiers and#romanov royals doing the macarena behind the curtain bc that was absolutely what we were doing back there. speaking of the press conference#the really high singing w/o a clear source was actually anya standing behind the curtain on the other side of the stage bc she's the only#one who physically could sing the part. also in regards to the bolshevik soldiers. we were originally supposed to have wooden rifles but fo#some reason our director took them out so we had to just walk menacingly towards the romanovs. you can't rlly see me that well in that scen#but that jacket would NOT stay closed and for 2/3 performances i had to awkwardly hold it closed the entire time. luckily the one that was#filmed was the one where i was smart enough to bring safety pins and also saved like all of the ballerinas bc their costumes all started#falling apart at once backstage.#romeo.txt#theatreposting
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retconning stroud out of the deep roads so i can shove laure amell and the hawke siblings and varric and anders all into the same little camp. they would all have such a bad time
#carver: dying of blight. with an inferiority complex. but mostly dying#danie: MY BROTHER!!! MY BABY BROTJER HELP HIM!!!!!#anders: oh god oh fuck. wait a minute. i recognize this area. isnt this where the commander should be? oh hell#varric: we are all going to 🪦die⚰️ in a 🕳 hole. not even a GOOD hole#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: oh. anders. glad you're not dead or a darkspawn but Why The Fuck Are You Here#anders: oh hell. uh.#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: actually shut up. darkspawn incoming. its too open here so follow me to camp#'uh- commander-' 'shut it. there are shrieks about. this is a nasty area to be in with non-wardens' [glaring disapprovingly]#they awkwardly walk to camp. sigrun and a couple other wardens are there. they all sit down & drop their stuff#amell sits on a stump and pulls out a corked bottle. pops the cork. sniffs it. takes a swig. her white hair almost seems to glow?#she coughs then asks anders 'so why *are* you this far in the deep roads with a band of nonwardens? how'd you even get here?'#anders pulls out the map and hands it over. she looks at it. her expression darkens. she rolls up the map and says 'Anders.' he looks up.#she whaps him on the head with the map and gripes 'do you have ANY idea how long I spent looking for these fucking maps?!' whap 'you dick!'#she whaps him one more time then stuffs the maps into her bag. 'that still doesn't tell me WHY you're here. out with it.'#varric speaks up: 'my asshole brother locked us in a thaig. we came down on an expedition and found an idol that he betrayed us for'#amell frowns. 'a *thaig*? there aren't any records in the shaperate of any out this far. this isn't even a main branch of the deep roads.'#'it could be ancient!' sigrun offers 'or an unsavory secret the shaperate 'lost'. like Caridin?' amell nods & turns back to varric.#'so you're looking for a way out.' they nod. 'and just happened to come by this way?' anders says 'no commander- we need your help.'#amell takes another swig of her bottle. her hair is definitely glowing slightly. 'who *doesn't* these days. but for a pair of old friends-'#she winks at anders. 'what is it you need?' danie interrupts. '-please- my brother is sick- if you can't help him he'll die!'#amell looks at hawke then at carver. gets up and steps over to him. kneels in front of him and unceremoniously grabs his face#tilts his chin up (carotid + jugular blackened) peels his eyelid back (sclera greying and bloodshot) pries open his mouth (tongue greying)#then releases his head and stands shaking her hands. 'oh yeah. that's blight for sure. this is why you sought me out?' anders nods.#'we'll take him. but you know- he may not survive the joining.' 'any chance is better than letting him die!' 'i agree.' amell says coolly.#'youre lucky. we can do it here but the prep will take time. rest. eat. be on your guard. and DO NOT touch my whiskey if you're not a mage.'#it takes like a day of prep. also no one has used amell's name so they havent figured out the Cousins thing yet#eventually amell pulls carver over to the fire and hands him a cup of the joining potion and says 'you get one warning. *don't flinch.*'#he drinks it. he lives. but he's unconscious. amell sends the party on their way#to anders: here. i found this not long after you left. *hands him the phylactery* you and justice be careful. it's getting chaotic out there#to hawke: for what it's worth im sorry. if ever you need the wardens' assistance i grant it under the authority of warden-commander amell
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I think part of the reason why I struggle to feel close with anyone is like. I really only know how to get my social need filled through judgement and approval and rank-climbing.
It's part of why I keep wanting to involve myself in Greek Life, despite knowing how toxic it is. I'd have people around me always, constant social events, and the expectations would be clear and harsh always. So I'd have clear and easy ways to get supply. If someone's "love" is conditional, then I know when I'm doing the right things, I know when they're approving of me, I know when we're "connecting". I crave it.
But the system's close friends? They'll approve of us no matter what. So like. What then? How do I feel that connection? If I don't have to earn their care, what direction am I supposed to go in? What do I do, what do I talk about, how do I act?
#just spilling thoughts everywhere rn but ugh#im so lonely#saw smthn online that felt like it was calling me out directly lmaooo#about not caring about individuals and only caring about avoiding loneliness#(like i care abt ppl's well-being but i have no personal investment)#it felt like a strength. grey cares so deeply about specific people but also gets cut just as deeply bc of it#meanwhile i could get attention from anyone and be just as satisfied. couldn't care less about who it was or if x or y person randomly#stopped talking to me#(b4 anyone comes at me. again i intellectually care about the well-being of individuals. like i want them to have a good life and a good da#yknow. and im not a jerk. and personally i DO *want* to connect i just dont know how. the emotions and drive aren't there. it's not persona#at all. and it's fine if that's a dealbreaker for ppl but i'm not evil for it and i don't treat people badly bc of it)#my supply-seeking and overworking myself and ED behaviors are all caused by the same underlying need#i don't know how to exist without people. which is so funny bc for so long i've acted like i'm so invulnerable and independent and don't#give a shit about anyone's approval. but i do. so fucking deeply. and since direct interpersonal relationships are terrifying#my brain seeks out the next best thing - societal approval. no names or faces attached. just anyone. something. anything.#when i'm talking one-on-one with someone - yknow what no gonna make this another post and try and work it out separately
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Sorry for ruining your posting kfjdj I also didn't know such a person existed but I ended up finding the post where they defended him because it was the same one in which they said they hated Park cos she was abusive and manipulative to Haruka 😭😭 like. The dissonance between what they can't accept and what they CAN just cos they find a guy hot really gets me
OH NO YOU'RE GOOD THE TIMING WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY the halo effect and misogyny can hold grimy ugly hands unfortunately
oh damn i aint readin all that. i skimmed it just for you but if i read it any more i was gonna feel my eyebrows merge as i pinched them together perplexed
#snap chats#i always feel weird jumping straight to misogyny for hating a character or person but. but i have eyes. Sometimes#also edelgard was my favorite lord in 3H ok so i. i understand.#the halo effect is one of my favorite phenomena tho because of how true it is sorry i quote it every other post#like im not gonna lie i'm not the biggest park fan either but that's just cause she reminds me of my mom but even then shes less shitty#she's still compelling as a morally-grey character tho. also she's hot#ALSO WHAT PARK DOES ISN'T NEARLY AS BAD AS ODA???#like. threatening to shut down a kid's orphanage so she pursues your dream and becomes an idol ? p shitty but like#compared to sex trafficking that led to a physical ailment- nonetheless everlasting mental scars- yeah idk#the scale is SURE hard to measure on that one golly gee i just don't know which is worse#also i wanna try to clear the other anon's name cause i haven't seen this person in my notifs#i generally keep track who visits my blog or i recognize frequent visitors#tho i did just get notif spam from two people but still i'd recognize a name like that#unless fam's lurkin... i dont mind lurkers tho but this do be a crazy take#man all this bonkers shit makin me kinda hungry but i dont wanna eat any more meat or rice that's all i got#actual scurvy moment#they got mango juice for two bucks next door.... hmmmm mango juice.....
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Last post lmfao. I'm learning shit about myself tonight
I already talk about how Grey is terrifying to people, how he's progress and science even when it's fucked up, how he'll absolutely experiment on himself including surgery and shit, and how he's in my mind like the father of humanity's persistence hunting in that he will pursue you or any goal he has in mind and you can run and scream and run and run but he will always catch you in the end
The fucking. Image of him in the crystalline halls - obviously translated to human memory because I'm seeing him in vaguely human shape in a literal crystal..... It's not even surprising me. It's not even odd. It's not even a long forgotten memory of a past self I'm like "woah I was like that??" about. that's what I'm learning about myself lmfao
#He's toned it - no he hasn't toned it down in recent years lmfao I think he's just been bored af#But anyway. Yeah over the past few days I've been realising my ''weapons??????? Throw them at me right now'' has been his energy#À) because of the maddened hunger of it. B) because he is an embodiment and manifestation of... goring and breaking apart and death#and whatnot he's like Make Me Whole By Releasing My True Form. and C) heeheehoohoo#you cannot kill us in a way that matters. But anyway. I'm. Ah. Yeah. The... self subsides. And it really is self. It's not Grey#I was holding myself in this grasp I. ugh. OK now I'm eeby. Byeee#ramblings //#S: grey //#But anyway. Yeah. Just. shove yourself in the SL. For. extended period of time. Because how else will you answer what's possible#and what it's flaws are and. It's literally like inventing an AI encyclopedia and then. strapping yourself into it#in VR for a thousand years to ask it what the body of God looks like#And that's a joke but it's a joke in the way that even that doesn't summarise it because an AI is still external to you#this is creating a fucking huge organ and then going inside yourself to dissect your innards and know your -#Oh my god. He who takes the names of God.#Right. The whole thing that we exist in the Brain of God. The ALL Is Mental. Make a brain#Put yourself in it to find god.#That was just one aspect of it and it was a very mathematical aspect in the way it was like one aspect of other maths equations being#done. The shapes of the angles of the Laws make. But that was really not the point. I think at this point we were confident in#knowledge of God or at least the ability to dissect it outside the SL. this was much more about the.... about....#I just don't feel like getting it over now. I'm eeby.#Sky Library //#Memories //
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This is made all the worse by the assumption users know hover actions or what an icon means so it's decided not to label anything because "people already know it".
No, they don't. Some do but you don't assume everyone who interacts with your site/program has the exact same knowledge as you. And, frankly, if you can't make a UI look good with larger buttons and/or labels, you kind of suck at your job.
Smart phones have made this even worse because companies cut costs and only design a mobile interface now and shoehorn that onto the desktop version. What may make sense for someone navigating with their finger vertically doesn't always make sense for someone navigating with a mouse horizontally. And in an effort to keep a "clean interface" for a phone's limited screen, so much information is lost and/or there's a bunch of dead space.
Or everything is spread out, which can be very, very far if you use an ultra-wide monitor or a TV.
That said, a lot of the choices are not due to graphic/UI designers, it's because some higher up with no design experience and who cares more for ~aesthetic~ than user experience is calling the shots and gets the final say on how things look. It's execs and tech bros who think they know best and that having the HGTV of user interfaces means something is automatically good.
One small but extremely annoying effect of Tech Modernization or w/e is how UI contrast is garbage anymore, especially just, like, application windows in general.
"Ooh our scrollbar expands when you mouse over it! Or does it? Only you can know by sitting there like an idiot for 3 seconds waiting for it to expand, only to move your cursor away just as it does so!" or Discord's even more excellent "scrollbar is 2 shades off of the background color and is one (1) pixel wide" fuck OFF
I tried to move a system window around yesterday and had to click 3 times before I got the half of the upper bar that let me drag it. Why are there two separate bars with absolutely nothing to visually differentiate them on that.
"Well if you look closely-" I should not!! have to squint!!! at the screen for a minute straight to detect basic UI elements!! Not mention how ableist this shit is, and for what? ~✨Aesthetic✨~?
and then every website and app imitates this but in different ways so everything is consistently dogshit to try to use but not always in ways you can immediately grok it's!!!! terrible!!!! just put lines on things again I'm begging you!!!!
#companies have also stopped bothering designing for browsers other than chrome and edge#or even just testing in different browsers to see if the site is broken#it wasn't that long ago i was in school and the main thing hammered into us#was to always check multiple browsers because you don't control what one users have#so you want to have the website functional in all of them otherwise you lose people#but now trying to go on some sites in firefox means getting blank pages or broken functionality#you can't even navigate#and it's not like firefox is a small indie browser only a handful of people use#but getting back to program ui it's frustrating#as monitors have gotten bigger buttons have gotten smaller#and adding a TOGGLE to make them bigger is seen as pointless#as is adding a toggle so buttons are marked and/or named#i only know some things are buttons or where to look for buttons because of decades of previous experience to pull from#someone without that would be completely lost#to say nothing at thinking there's no point for accessibility options and/or locking such options behind paywalls#as much as the geocities era was 'graphic design is my passion'#modern ui is very much the same because you do NOT put light grey on white#or dark grey on slightly lighter dark grey#i don't think it's even people intentionally making things worse just because they can#it's people who were told artists are worthless and that modern ui is the pinnacle of design who have the power over it#and probably no small number who can't open a pdf or figure out email#they know 'what works' so why bother hiring a designer?#i've also heard people say they didn't bother designing for desktop because they didn't want to double their work#so they just (badly) ported the mobile ui over#you may as well port the mac ui to a window's user or vice versa#there are some similarities but you're going to lose a lot of people if you can't be bothered to 'translate' the ui#i've known so many people who pirated photoshop or used a bad free program#because while gimp was right there and good#its layout was based on linux and the head person refused to allow it to be changed#that may have changed now but it never got as big as it could have
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Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?
Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.
All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)
But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.
But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.
I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?
It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.
Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.
Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, my Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)
#this is the grandmother who passed away unexpectedly earlier this month#she was so cool yall#and so weird#they got married twice by the way once when Massachusetts legalized it and once when New Mexico did#they hiked the grand canyon together#they had a european river cruise planned for this fall#she was 89 and she wanted to see the whole world with her wife#and they were working on it#literally i thought they were roommates#and there was only one bed
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the wedding night
hi: i wrote this in an afternoon on the bus and barely edited this. it only exists because seeing that photo of General Acacius made me feel hornee things®. I don't know shit about roman gladiator times, this is just a debauched excuse to be railed by the man.
trope: forced marriage
pedro character: Marcus Acacius x female reader (you)
warnings: innocence kink, age gap (not specified, but he an old peepaw just how we like him) , names like whore because i am one, forced marriage, Au as fuck because i have no idea what happens in the movie, virgin bullshit, eating out, pp in vv, dubconish, i think that's everything.
RATED 18+
"Take to the bed," the muscular man tells you in a raspy voice as you enter the bedroom, wishing you had your fur. "I leave early for battle at dawn."
He makes no move to leave and so you glance from the waiting bed back over to the imposing figure standing by the fire. His tousled, greying curls are touched by the flickering reflection of the flames behind him.
This is all new to you and almost surreal. You've been taken from your modest home and brought here to a lavish home in Rome. You glance over at your new husband timidly.
"Are you to remain here all night?"
"We are wed," he replies with a wry grin. "Of course we shall spend the night together."
You've been shipped here under your father's greedy love for coin. And now you stand here in the bed chambers of the man who became your husband only hours ago.
General Marcus Acacius; a man double your age with the kind of quiet strength that made you anxious when you first laid eyes on him today, only moments before he slipped the ring onto your finger and you were announced as his.
He drank only a bit of wine at the wedding, a stark contrast to the family of yours that acted like the animals in Marcus' stables with every glass poured. Of course they would celebrate; they'd made a small fortune on your marriage, having sold you off like cattle.
And you now stand across the room from him, your husband, General Acacius, Marcus. A man who served under the infamous Maximus. He cuts a fearsome figure both on and off the battlefield with his broad, muscled frame and serious countenance.
You wear the traditional wedding night garment, a thin dress that is practically see-through. You pull your arms over your chest, hiding your nipples that poke through the thin fabric.
When you'd come to the room you'd been surprised to see Marcus there waiting for you, stoking the fire. You'd been told by the servants that your new husband would be preparing for battle all night. It had brought you some comfort.
But Marcus is here in nothing but his tunic cinched at the waist. His armour is in a pile by the door, his sword there as well. Without it he's still terrifying.
Marcus notes the arms you hold over your chest for modesty and he feels arousal begin to drip lazily into his veins.
"Undress," he says plainly, his dark eyes trailing over your body.
You make no move to follow his orders. If anything you seem angry with him. His fingers twitch next to his thigh as he waits for your compliance. It doesn't come.
The dark grey tunic he wears hangs just above his knees so when he walks over to you you're able to see his muscled legs rippling with power. You quiver as he finally stands in front of you. One thick forearm goes to rest against the wall above your head, his neck craning so he can look you in the face.
"I said undress."
"You will not order me about as if I were your slave," you seethe, your head craning away from him. "I am your wife."
"I am twice widowed," Marcus murmurs as his wide finger traces the curve of your delicate collarbone. "I have come to realize I have little need for a wife."
"Then why bring me here away from my family and my homeland? Why marry me at all if you have no need of me?"
"I have no need for a wife," Marcus repeats roughly, his exhalation landing over your face like a wine-soaked cloud. "But a man always has need for a ready cunt."
You rear back and your hand flies through the air so quickly he's clearly not expecting it. The slap you deliver to his bronzed cheek is so hard that he flinches back at the sensation, but his head remains facing you.
"I am no whore," you hiss. You've never been spoken to like this. "Nor a hole for you to fill at your leisure."
You're horrified when you see him lengthen under his tunic, thick and fearsome looking to your inexperienced eye. He smiles at you when you gaze back up at his face, a feral, ugly grin that has you backing against the stone wall as he advances, his pelvis nudging yours.
"You will be fucked well," Marcus whispers. "So well you will happily call yourself my whore."
You push at his broad chest, free of his usual armour and yet hard to the touch like iron. He doesn't budge, he just presses his pelvis into yours, pinning you to the wall. You feel him there between your legs, warm and waiting and large.
His hand comes to grip your jaw, forcing your unwilling mouth to his. He kisses you fiercely, like he owns you. It disgusts you. He pries your lips open with his own and as he licks into your mouth his tongue tastes of sweet wine.
You wince, trying to wrench from his grip. He only smiles, hands coming to meet at the collar of your nightdress. You shriek as he begins tearing the delicate fabric down the middle and exposing your breasts to the chilled air.
"I desire to see what is now mine," he murmurs, a hand coming to palm your breast.
You bat his hand away, slipping sideways from him into the centre of the room near the bed. He doesn't look upset; he looks amused, as if he were playing a game.
You hold the torn fabric of your dress at your chest, covering yourself as you back away from his advancing figure.
"I am not your anything," you grimace. "Leave at once."
Though your voice is strong you back away, a shuffled step for each strong stride of his until you feel the bed hit the back of your calves.
"This is our wedding night," Marcus says silkily. "And we must consummate."
Before you can deny him he jabs his strong fingers on either side of your clavicle, causing you to fall backwards onto the bed. You gasp when he follows after you, lifting the hem of your dress.
His head is thrust under, making you kick out your legs in fear. What is he doing under there? Fear has you convinced he may bite you.
You go to pull away further when you feel him starting to part your thighs. You squeal anxiously, twisting.
"Get off!"
"Calm yourself, wife," he orders gruffly from beneath your nightgown. He's stronger than you, his hands wide and it's only seconds before he's got your legs hinged over his shoulders.
You continue to cry out, desperate for escape. You're terrified of this brute of a man.
His mouth finds your cunt swollen and wet and when he lays his wide tongue flat and licks a stripe up the seam you suddenly go quiet. You can feel him smile against the lips of your pussy.
"So soft," he murmurs, kissing your sex reverentially before his tongue darts out to sample you again. It's been so long since he had a cunt this soft and sweet against his tongue.
Your hips jump and Marcus can't help but smirk. Under your nightgown all he can see and smell is your sex, open widely thanks to his hands, glistening with his saliva and your own arousal. He feasts on you, groaning as he gets swept away by the sensations your whimpers create in him.
You're on your back, looking up at the beautifully painted ceiling. A celestial pattern that mimics the night outside your window. Your chest heaves, nipples pert and straining as his mouth works against your cunt, making you tingle everywhere.
He's on his knees beside the bed, you're thighs hinged on his broad shoulders, the cream of your skin against his ears. He doesn't care that tomorrow his knees will ache because devouring you as you thrash for him on the bed has him feeling like a young man again.
He sucks the lips of your pussy into his mouth with relish, his hips grinding into the edge of the bed when you cry out. You hear him chuckle before he continues and the sound reminds you that you don't want him touching you like this and bringing out these feelings you've only heard whispers about. Not a man who has decided you're nothing more than a thing to fill.
"Ssstop," you slur above him, unable to focus as your vision blurs.
"No."
You keen breathily, your hands scrabbling to grip the bed. His broad hands cup your ass, forcing your sex harshly against his mouth. You hear vulgar slurping noises coming from underneath your nightgown and your eyes roll back.
You've never had a man before. Your mother warned you about husbands and their selfish desires in the bedroom. But this doesn't feel like what she warned you about. This feels good.
You feel a pressure beginning between your legs and you panic, trying to force Marcus' head from between your thighs but he just grips stronger, tilting his head from side to side as he drinks you down, his tongue wide and stuffing your cunt.
When be begins to suck brutally at your clit, bliss overtakes you, causing your back to arch and a shuddering scream to leave your throat.
Your hips undulate as he continues to fuck you with his tongue, stopping only when you begin to whine that it is too much. He licks you gently after that, cleaning the evidence of your orgasm with relish.
With a creak he stands beside the bed and removes his tunic. In a daze you lay on your elbows, gazing up at his broad, muscular body knowing that if he wanted to he could snap you like a twig. His cock rests heavily between his legs, just as thick and long as you thought. Despite the pleasure he brought you there's still that glint in his dark eyes, a mockery that you can't stand.
"Get away from me."
Your cunt pulses, drooling with your previous release. You try to curl into a ball, facing away from him.
You think he may leave you be but you feel his hand grip your waist. You thrash as he rips the rest of the nightdress off your body before forcing you onto your hands and knees.
"It is now my turn to take, wife. Ready yourself."
He pushes you down onto your belly, curving your ass up to the sky. Then he crawls over you, his hands pinning yours to the bed under his. You feel him there at your entrance and you feel terrified tears stream over your cheeks.
"No need for fearful tears," he assures you as his mouth meets your neck. "You will be crying for more of my cock soon enough."
You cry out as he pushes the head of his length between your dripping folds. He's much too big, the intrusion too great.
"I will make this quick," he grunts. "For your benefit."
Marcus can hardly believe how good the velvet clench of your cunt feels sliding along his cock as he pushes through your virginal barrier. Not since his first wife has he come close to anything this divine.
His teeth come to grip at your shoulder, biting there, marking you as he feeds his cock into your pussy from behind.
Your cries are muted, your pain ignored, because all Marcus can feel is bliss. Bliss as he marks you forever as his. Bliss as his thick cock stretches your walls, bliss as your pussy stings straining to take him all.
And by the time he's buried with his hips against your ass, your shoulder is bruised with the indents of his teeth.
"No more," you beg as he begins to move within you. "Let it be done."
"We have only started," he muses, kissing your damp cheek. "The best is yet to come."
His frame is so broad it covers you entirely, like you're wearing him as a robe draped over your curved body. He rocks into you as his massive hands press yours into the bed.
You feel him pull slightly out before buying himself within your womb. You cry out, head falling forward as the slick feel of his cock buries itself deeper and deeper with every subsequent thrust. With every pump he moves the both of you forward before pulling you back.
And just when the pain is too great, you feel it morph into pleasure. The feel of him thrusting in and out going from sharp to a pleasurable throb.
Marcus senses the change in you when your back starts to arch and your hips start to lean back to meet his. You're enjoying it now, just as he knew you would.
"You like this."
He grins to himself when you don't answer and instead let your head hang between your shoulders.
He continues to tease you, never letting up, waiting until your noises become breathless and needy and then he recedes, chuckling when you whimper his name.
What feels like eternity later the two of you are slick with sweat, your limbs shaking as Marcus watches you from above. His hands are on your hips now, pulling you against him.
He spreads your cheeks wide, groaning when he watches his thick cock filling your tight pussy to the brim.
You're begging for him to give you the same pleasure as before, nearly sobbing with how cock-drunk you are. He feels so good buried between your thighs.
Marcus only smirks down at you, a hand pressed on your lower back, urging your ass up higher for him. He thinks about all the things he's going to do with you before leaving for battle.
The thought is exciting him, sending him erratically pumping as he tilts you back, hand coming to strum your clit as your spine kisses his front. He holds you on his thighs, spread wide and bouncing.
"What are you?" He pants, his lips squished against your cheek, his fingers curling, making you see stars.
"You're. . . You're wife," you manage to croak out, your hands gripping his forearm slung over your chest.
He fucks harder into you, his cock hitting the spot your own fingers can never manage. It's causing more stars behind your eyes, your body limp in his grip like a doll.
"What are you?" Marcus demands again, only now he punctuates his question with a firm slap to your cunt.
You ache where he slapped, but a pleasurable one that sends you closer and closer to falling off the edge of bliss once more. Only this feels so much bigger, so much more intense than when his mouth was on you.
"Say it."
You writhe on his cock, held by one arm around your middle, the other fucking you with his thick fingers over your clit and his thicker cock splitting you with every upward thrust.
"Please, Marcus."
Marcus is so sweaty, his muscles gleaming in the low firelight. He moans lowly, the sound making your toes curl. Then his warm breath is hot on the side of your face.
"Say it and I will give you all that you desire."
You're so close, that pleasure ebbing and coming back stronger with every swipe and thrust. You try to sound it out, but the shame overtakes you again.
"I am you. . . I am your. . ."
Marcus is groaning into your ear again, his thighs twitching as your arousal soaks down his length. But he doesn't stop filling you over and over, his eyes closing as he revels in the pleasure of your milking cunt.
"Say it."
And now he presses the heel of his palm against your sex, holding you by the throat under your chin as your head snaps back onto his shoulder. Exposed like an animal Marcus stakes his claim, latching his mouth onto your neck and sucking.
"I am . . . I am. . ."
His thrusting continues and now he forces you back onto your hands and knees, draping his body over yours, fingers and cock never stopping, only drilling you from a new angle. He watches your sweet ass ripple for him as he pounds into your cunt, marvelling at how puffy and shiny and perfect she is.
"Say it," he booms and you can feel his thrusting growing staggered, his body fucking into you with all that he has.
And you can't hold the words back any longer, not when it feels like your very ecstasy hinges on them being said out loud. It tears from you, ripped from your very vocal chords as he sinks into you, your voice shrill and cracked as you scream it.
"I am your whore!"
The answering groan of Marcus in your ear makes you cry out loudly, coating his stroking fingers with hot arousal as you cum.
“My whore,” he hisses as you buck against him.
You shake the entire time, confused at how everything in you burst like a ripe berry on the vine and yet you remain outwardly unchanged. Surely you very soul must have left you at that pinnacle of pleasure. You've never felt anything like it.
And yet here you remain, in his arms in his bed, human and alive. You both pant heavily, the room smelling of sex and sweat and the oils in your hair.
Marcus tugs you against him and you roll towards his body, pliant and willing. His mouth finds yours but it's soft and delicate. Your hands run through his soft, greying curls.
"Are you satisfied?"
You ask it quietly, almost afraid to know his true thoughts. He's experienced in so many ways, twice your age, strong and capable. And yet the kiss he gives you is gentle. It curves as he smiles against your waiting mouth.
"I am, wife."
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fic#marcus acacius#marcus acacius x reader#marcus acacius x you#trope#forced marriage
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