#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[rafeandonlyrafe]

comparisons

words: 1.5k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, female receiving oral, insecurities, semi public sex, partying, drinking but not by reader, good girl!reader

“are you seriously looking at her profile again?” your sister questions, snatching your laptop from you.

“give it back!” you squeal, standing up and attempting to grab it, but she has the height advantage on you.

“seriously, this is getting out of hand.” she sets the laptop back down on your desk, navigating to the block button. “and don't unblock her. it's unhealthy for you to care so much about your boyfriend's ex.”

“she's just so pretty.” you groan. “like how can he go from her to me?”

“you're gorgeous, y/n!” you sister sighs. “you love him. i know you do. just enjoy being together and don't let your insecurities ruin what you have.”

--

you don't mention it to rafe, no matter how anxious you feel. 

“what is it?” rafe questions, hand rubbing over your cheek. “you look sad.”

“no, no.” you shake your head aggressively, forcing a smile onto your face. “im fine, promise. just lost in thought.”

in truth, you saw rafes ex at the party. it's why you retreated to the patio with rafe, glad to have some distance. 

“hm…” rafe mumbles, looking over you. “you sure? if you're not feeling the party, we can leave.”

you smile at rafe. you weren't sure what you were getting into when you started dating him. you hung out in the opposite crews at school, rafe was popular and easy going, captain of the football team. you never attended the same parties as him during those years, it wasn't until after school where you graduated valedictorian that you got close to him.

“you love to party, babe. i can handle it.” you love it too, usually.

“yeah, but there's a lot of drinking going on. if you're uncomfortable-”

“no.” you shake your head. you aren't a fan of getting drunk yourself, but you don't mind being around people if all they're doing is dancing and having fun.

“then what is it? you can't fool me darling.” 

“i just… saw your ex at the party.” you frown. “i can't help but compare myself to her and… it makes me feel insecure, but im trying not to. i want to get better, seriously.”

“aw, baby.” rafe pulls you onto his lap, tired of any distance between the two of you. “you have nothing to worry about. i only have eyes for you.”

“i know, im being silly.” you sigh, wiping at your under eyes before your tears build up.

“you're the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. i even thought that in high school.” rafe laughs. “but you were so good, so focused on school, i didn't want to become a distraction by trying to get you out on a date.”

“oh my god!” you squeal. “how come you never told me that before?”

rafe just shrugs, a soft smile on his face. “if i knew you felt that way, i would have. i promise, you've got nothing to worry about. im yours.”

you press your lips against rafes, kissing him deeply, right there on the outdoor sofa for everyone to see.

“i need you baby.” rafe groans, hands squeezing at your sides.

“yeah.” you nod. “yeah, need you too.”

“want to go home or… or can i find a room upstairs? kelce won't mind.” 

“upstairs.” you stand up, rafe quickly following. 

“good.” he smiles down at you, arm wrapped around your waist as he leads you back inside, into the crowd of people.

“rafey!” a voice squeals, making you frown. he doesn't let anyone call him rafey except for you.

“hayley.” rafe sighs, sounding nowhere near as enthusiastic, wanting to get you upstairs as soon as possible. “what do you want?*

“just to say hi.” she twirls a piece of hair around her finger, eyes darting to look at the way his arm is wrapped securely around your body. “how's my rafey?”

“not your rafey. its just rafe to you.” he grunts out.

“oh, you're so silly.” she lets out a shrill laugh, reaching forward to press her hand against his bicep.

“hey, in case you haven't noticed-” you speak up. “rafe isn't with you anymore. so stop calling him rafey and stop touching my man.”

hayley pouts and looks at rafe, giving him an opportunity to defend her, but he just smiles down at you.

“believe me now?” rafe pulls you away towards the stairs, leaving hayley to huff and head for another drink.

“ill believe you when you fuck me.” you smile, shutting the bedroom door behind you and making sure to lock it. 

“get naked then, babe.”

you both are quick to strip before coming back together in a mess of tongue and lips as rafe dominates your mouth, leaving no room at all for doubt.

“god, feel how hard i am for you.” rafe takes your hand in his, guiding it to his cock.

you stroke up and down his length, the weight heavy and familiar against your palm. “all this for me?”

“you know it, baby.” he laughs dryly, cut off with a moan as you swipe the pad of your thumb over the head of his cock.

“but first…” rafe takes your hand away, and your eyes widen as he sinks down to his knees. “i have to taste you.”

“oh!” you squeal as rafes hands grip your hips, his mouth burying between your thighs.

“fuck!” you moan out, grabbing onto the large poster bed, sinking your fingernails into the wood as his tongue swipes through your folds.

“god, you're so yummy.” rafe moans, his words vibrating your pussy. he tilts his head up, eyes locking on yours as his lips wrap around your clit.

“rafe!” you scream out, not caring if anyone hears, hoping hayley is nearby enough to hear your moans of pleasure as he focuses on sucking at your clit.

“god, i would make you cum like this over and over, but i need to get inside of you.” rafe stands up, capturing your mouth again.

“wanna ride you.” you tell him. you've slept with rafe many times since the start of your relationship, but he's always been the one on top and in control.

“really?” rafe grins at you, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

“yeah.” you nod. “im feeling- im feeling confident.”

“that's just what i like to hear, darling.” rafe presses a kiss to your lips before laying himself down on the bed, head propped up against the pillows so he can watch you.

you climb over top of him, the only light in the room from the moonlight streaming in the window as you align him with your cunt, sinking down with a moan.

“fuck, baby.” rafe grips your hips, not ready yet to fully give up control as you begin to move up and down with his assistance.

“god, so big.” you gasp out.

“mhm, and all for you, my girl.” rafe helps you speed up, not used to being in this position.

your joint moans fill the room as you ride him, grinding your hips back and forth with every movement until you find the spot inside of yourself that has you screaming out.

“ah, fuck, right there?” rafe begins to lift his hips into you, planting his feet into the bed to get the maximum lift possible as he thrusts upwards, angling his cock to push against just where you like it.

you fall forward, pressing your chest against rafes as he holds your hips still, pounding up into you.

“oh my god!” you squeal out, hands gripping onto rafes biceps as they flex and bulge as he lifts you up and down.

“gonna cum baby, can't last.” rafe presses his face into your hair, inhaling your scent. “you feel too good.”

“yeah, inside me.” you nod, own high not far away.

“fuck.” rafes moans grow as his cock swells inside of you, releasing only moments later.

the feeling of him flooding your insides sends you overboard, your orgasm causing your entire body to shake as your cunt squeezes down on rafes cock, milking the rest of his cum, not wanting to leave a drop.

“fuck.” rafes hands squeeze your hips again. “you're so perfect.”

you smile up at him, feeling tired from the sudden act. “take me home?”

“yeah.” rafe let's out a yawn. “in a minute.”

“mmkay.” you hum, resting your cheek against his chest. “don't fall asleep on me, rafey.”

you have to poke rafe awake a minute later. you both get dressed to get out to your car, the party still raging as you walk hand in hand.

“oh, there you are!” hayley stops in front of you, but you've had enough of her.

“sorry, no time to chit chat.” you plaster on a fake enthusiastic smile. “his cum is dripping out of me right now, so we gotta get home and take care of that. enjoy the party though!”

you pull rafe outside as he cackles. “damn, baby.” his arm wraps around your shoulders. “you are so hot when you're jealous.”

[wosoloml]

crawling back to you II leah williamson x reader

warnings: toxic, hidden relationship, jealousy, angst

summary: After hiding their relationship for years because Leah was still in the closet, they eventually broke up. Yet, they always found their way back into each others lives.

wc: 1,3k I based on this request

"it´s been two years, Leah. Why are you still referring to me as your best friend and roommate to your teammates? You didn´t even tell Keira about me?! She's your best friend!" I yelled at Leah, more out of frustration than anger. I'm so tired of hiding this relationship, of hiding myself behind the 'best friend´ label.

leah being in the cloest was never a problem for me - for us. But since rumours about her dating her male best friend were a thing it as hard to keep everything private. Growing up in milton keynes it was hard to be openly gay.

"Y/n you know its hard for me to tell everyone we are dating. We both know how they reacted after Keira came out to them. She still suffers from it and i dont wanna experience it please undertstand that." leah tries to explain her situation to me and i wish i could understand her the way i want to. But im too hurt.

"I should understand you? Have you ever tried to understand me? I can't do this anymore, Leah. You deserve someone who can handle this - but I can't. I'm sorry, Lee. It's for the best if we break up."

I say the words with tears in my eyes, my voice barely holding steady. It's a hard decision, but itt's one I have to make.

Being with Leah from the time I was 14 to now, at 17, has meant everything to me. I'm so grateful for the past three years, but I just can't do this anymore.

---------

"Y/N, I BOUGHT US TICKETS FOR THE NEXT GAME AT JOIE STADIUM!"

My girlfriend's excited voice echoes through our shared apartment. It's been seven months since I moved to Manchester and three months since we started living together.

"I'm already excited!" I shout back while checking who City's opponent is. Of course - it's Arsenal.

It feels strange to be thinking about football again, especially after breaking up with Leah almost a year ago. But maybe she's not even playing anymore.

Little did I know, she's been captaining the squad for the past year.

Our seats are incredible, giving us a perfect view of the pitch. As the teams walk out, my eyes immediately land on the captain's armband wrapped around Leah's arm. A strange sense of pride swells in my chest. Playing for the Gunners - leading them - had been her dream since she joined the club so many years ago. Seeing her live that dream now brings an unshakable smile to my face.

My thoughts are interrupted when my girlfriend starts chanting loudly, her passion for the game contagious. For a moment, I forget my ex is even on the pitch.

I never told Sarah about my past with a certain blonde Arsenal player.

I could feel Leah's eyes on me the entire game.

A part of me wanted to tease her, so every time she came over to take a corner, I laughed extra loud at whatever Sarah said or kissed her deeply-just to make a point.

I wanted her to see what it felt like to be in a relationship that didn't have to be hidden. To know how beautiful it is to be loved loudly and openly.

Later that evening, my phone buzzed.

leahwilliamson wants to send you a message. My heart started racing. My eyes widened as I read her message.

'Cute little show you put on earlier today.'

I had no idea how to respond to that, so I just sent back a few question marks. It didn't take long for her to reply.

'The way you laughed extra loud at whatever that girl said. The way you kissed her while checking to see if I was watching. I don't care, Y/N' . My blood starts to boil.

----

"Y/N!!"

I snap out of my thoughts as my coworker calls my name. I hurry over to the counter, my eyes widening.

'Can you serve them? I need to make a quick call.'

I manage a nod, but then I notice here - Leah. Sitting in my cafe. With another girl.

I take a deep breath, forcing a polite smile. "Hey, what can I get for you?" I ask, keeping my tone professional.

Leah smirks. "ll have a matcha latte. And what about you, babe-?" She turns to the girl beside her. "A flat white, please. Thank you" the girl says with a warm smile.

I already don't like her.

"Give me one second"

I know exactly why Leah is here - to get under my skin. And it's working. But beneath the teasing, beneath the smug attitude, it just hurts.

Seeing her be so open, so affectionate with someone else. calling her pet names, touching her without hesitation - it stings in a way I can't ignore.

Whenever we were out together, she barely even said my name, let alone held my hand. Now, she's making sure I see how different things are.

Every time I glance at their table, Leah is already looking at me, eyes filled with something I can't quite place. But I do notice how touchy she is, how overly flirty she's being.

And it makes my blood boil. I text her 'now we are even'. Her eyes darkened as she read the message.

-------

The club was alive with loud music, the clink of glasses, and the smell of sweaty bodies. It was my best friend's 25th birthday, and we decided to celebrate it in our hometown, London. I was also hoping it would serve as a distraction from my recent breakup. After two years of dating Sarah, she ended things last weekend because I couldn't bring myself to tell her I loved her. It's not that I didn't care about her or that I wasn't in love, but things felt different. The only woman I will ever truly love is Leah. Forever.

Suddenly, someone bumped into me, spilling their drink all over my shirt. "Oh god, I'm sorry!" They said as I looked up, meeting their eyes. It was Leah. Who else could it be?

"I didn't know you were here" she said, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, it's Anna's birthday today, and I thought Id come back to London for the occasion" I replied. "What about you?"

Leah seemed taken aback by how easily I kept the conversation going. "Actually, we won the league today. It was the last game of the season against Aston Villa, and we won."

The conversation flowed naturally, and then, unexpectedly, she asked THE question.

"So, is your girlfriend here?" she asked.

"No,†I said "we are not together anymore." "Oh, really? Im sorry to hear that. Funny enough, my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago" she replied, a look of surprise crossing her face. I was stunned, my eyes widening in disbelief. The tension between us shifted, and an unfamiliar but unmistakable feeling of missing her washed over me.

After that, we kept texting and even FaceTimed a few times. The vibe was strange but oddly familiar, as though we had never stopped talking, despite having broken up over 3.5 years ago. Nothing had really changed.

---------

"Happy one year, baby!" Leah greeted me with breakfast in bed and the most beautiful bouquet of red roses. I couldn't have been happier with her by my side.

Even though she had a game on our anniversary , it didn't make the day any less special. I cheered her on from the 'Friends and Family' section, proudly wearing her name on the back of my Arsenal jersey. When she scored the winning goal, she celebrated by making a special gesture just for me.

Right person, right time.

[jinwoosbabyboo]

𝙸 𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚂𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝙸 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙸𝚝

The lads men and their nuerospicy adhd/add reader A/N: Your mental health matters and don't sacrifice it for anyone. These are a few things I deal with. Everyone's experience with adhd/add is different. [Requested by: luxis-journal]

Time Blocking

I have to be there by 5:30pm, but I need to shower and do my makeup so I need at least 2 or 3 hours for that, but I should give myself time so im not rushing because I hate being rushed and I know I'm gonna want to eat before I go so I should make time for that and picking out an outfit will take some time so I need to start getting ready at like 11am you know incase there’s traffic and im not rushing

Zayne doesn’t question it and just gets ready in 30 minutes while you still run around getting dressed Rafayel rushes you just to piss you off and immediately regret it when you tell him to leave without you because you’re not going anymore Xavier when you tell him the rundown of your getting ready time he’s confused until he wakes up an hour before you need to leave and you’re still getting ready Sylus happily just watches you get dressed while he’s still in bed

ADD/ADHD Pause

That moment when you need to turn the lights off, but you need to grab your car keys off the kitchen counter, but your jacket is still in your room so you can’t turn the room light off just yet and you need to grab your travel mug from the fridge so now you’re just stutter stepping in one spot trying to do everything at once

Zayne tells you to grab your drink while he grabs everything else Rafayel puts his hands on your shoulders and directs into your room to grab your jacket and then asks what else needs to be done Xavier quietly grabs everything for you Sylus grabs your chin, tilting it up to look at him and simply says “One thing at a time sweetie”

Nightly/Tired Zoomies

Hysterically laughing at anything and thinking of everything funny that’s ever made you laugh right before bed or when you get tired. Crackhead energy.

Zayne sweetly smiles while you tire yourself out and cuddles you when you lay down and pass out in his arms Rafayel is cackling with you and not just laughing, but also adding onto the jokes you both end up laughing until you’re in tears Xavier he’s already knocked out while you’re still up laughing at videos on your phone Sylus teases you the entire time which only makes you laugh more then makes you lay down because he knows you’re just sleepy

Non-verbal and/or Overstimulated

Those moments when you just don’t feel like talking and everything is pissing you off especially unnecessary noises

Zayne leaves you be and just sends you texts to check on you. Turns on your favorite show when he’s about to eat so you don’t yell at him for making too much noise Rafayel still wants your attention so he just lays on you hoping it would make you feel better. it works for a while until the sound of his breathing starts irritating you “Why are you breathing so loud?” “Im sorry for being alive??” Xavier leaves you alone and just leaves you little snacks in case you get hungry he knows you’ll come talk to him when you’re ready Sylus simply texts you when you don’t feel like speaking sends the twins in to see how irritable you are because if you get snappy with them he knows you’ll bite his head off

Vocal Stimming

A new random sentence or song snippet every week from “FLINT LOCKWOOD” to “Say its fine (fiiiinneee) happens all the time” to just random noises when the silence is silencing too much

Zayne just looks at you and goes on about his day Rafayel gets them stuck in his head now he’s randomly saying it too Xavier questions it “Where did that come from?” Sylus just lets you do your thing chuckles from time to time because he finds it cute

[blackelysian]

Situationship.

Duke Dennis x Black! Fem! Reader as Makena

Word Count: 1,449

Warnings: 18+ smut, fluff, toxic relationship

Summary: Tired of this situationship between you and Duke you decide its just better to end things. Duke wants to make it right.

Makena POV

A sigh escaped my lips as I aimlessly scroll through my phone. It was now 3 am and Duke still wasn’t here yet. I sent a text to his phone for the one hundredth time.

                                                                       It's late, don't even worry about coming anymore… Sent.

No reply. Once again.

I watched his story and saw that he posted something 30 minutes ago. He was out with his friends at some party or function with some bitch grabbing his face. At that point I was fed up, annoyed and kinda hurt. I throw my phone to the side and sit up. He’s been blowing me off all night after he told me he was coming over so we could spend some time together. One stop and I'm on my way, I Love you”  was the last response I got from him. Tears streamed down my face. Not only was I mad at him I was mad at myself for even allowing my feelings to get wrapped up in whatever you wanna call this. Duke and I have been messing around for almost a year now but he never officially asked me to be his girlfriend. He helps me with my bills, buys me whatever I want, fucks me good, but there was no actual commitment. He uses the excuse of he doesn’t want to hurt me, but this hurts way worse. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone dinging, indicating I had just got a text. I hover my face over my phone revealing the message from him. 

Im outside

I layed back down on the bed ignoring his text. Next thing I know I hear my front door unlocking.

I groaned annoyingly. I need to get my key back from this nigga. I can hear his feet making their way to my bedroom before he slides my door open, stumbling in. He casually makes his way over to me leaning down to peck me on the lips but he was met with the palm of my hand.

“So you just goin walk in here late as a motherfucka and act like nothing's wrong??” She raised her voice at him.

“Come on boo don’t start that, i'm here now right? That's all that should matter'' He asks nonchalantly, going back in for another attempted kiss. I quickly jumped up and moved around him.

“You know, I don’t think I wanna do this anymore Duke..”I say looking away from him.

“Do what Makena?”

“THIS” I raise my voice again, pointing between the two of us. “This is getting old and I'm tired of sitting around waiting on you to see how good of a woman I am..tired of waiting on you to respect me! I’m done.” I snapped. 

“What do you mean you're done?”

“I'm done, We are done! And you need to give me back my key!” He chuckles at me.

“You trippin’ im not going any fucking where” He simply says, slideing his shoes off.

“Why don’t you just let me go Duke?” I questioned. “Why continue to string me along huh? You don’t want to be with me at this point so what's the point of keeping this going?”

“Makena,You know I love you. I just don't want to hurt you” He states, pulling me in front of him.

“You don’t think this hurts already?” I hold my hand up. “You know what, I just want you to go, i'll give you a minute to get whatever stuff you have here and leave my fuckin key” I turn my back to him not even giving him a chance to respond, heading for the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. I needed to clear my mind and hopefully by the time I got out that asshole would be gone for good.

Omniscient POV

After about 20 minutes, Duke enters the bathroom. He sees Makena’s naked silhouette through the foggy glass shower. He looks over to see her music softly playing from her bluetooth speaker. He quickly strips out of his clothes and slides in the steaming hot shower. The breeze runs a chill down Makena’s spine as he slides the door back closed. 

She quickly turns around. “I thought I told you to go?” She asks, rolling her eyes.

“We not done talking yet” He wraps his arms around her, bringing her body close to his.

“Duke, please don’t do this to me right now. Just let me go and leave” she says, trying to unwrap his arms from around her. He holds her tight.

“What do you want? Whatever you want I’ll give it to you. Just don’t leave me baby” 

“He can’t be serious..” She thought. But with the look on his face she knew this was far from a joke. But she couldn’t give in. What would he think of her if she just took him back so easily? Why now did he want to do the right thing? 

“It's a little too late fo-”

“Be my girlfriend?” He cuts her off, looking in her eyes with adoration.

“Wow really?” She asks sarcastically. “ Now you want to ask me? It's only because I'm telling you I'm done with you that you want to act right now” She says disgustingly, rolling my eyes and pushing him away from her. 

“Baby I'm serious!” He exclaims, grabbing her again. “I can’t lose you, whatever you want me to do I'll do it. I want to make it right, I have to make it right. Give me just one more chance and I promise we won’t have to have this conversation no more”

“I don’t know what to say Duke…” She says lowly, looking down and away from him. He drops to his knees in the oversized walk in shower, grabbing onto her waist. He places gentle kisses along her stomach trailing down to her womanhood. 

“Say yes” He says softly, placing a kiss right on top of her clit. Her breath hitches in her throat. 

“Say yes baby..” He throws her left leg over his shoulder and places a few more kisses on her wet center before completely devouring her. He made sure to take his time pleasing her. He wanted to show her that he meant what he said.

“Duke..no” She trails off, throwing her head back as he lapped her up like a thirsty dog. His thumb finds her clit drawing small circles on it. 

“Be my girlfriend baby” He says again, looking up to watch her love faces. She begins to feel her orgasm build in her stomach as she grinds down on his face. “Shit i'm almost there” She gasps. He stops immediately, getting up and turning off the shower before picking her up and walking her out the shower. 

“You don’t get to cum until you say yes.” He wraps a towel around her wet body, bending her over the sink, the two making eye contact in the mirror. She could see the lust and longing in his face. He rubs his member up and down her slick womanhood before roughly sliding into her in one swift motion. 

“Fuck” she groaned out as he starting to deliver rough,delicious strokes. 

“You goin be my girlfriend baby?” He asks yet again, brushing some of her curls out her face. Her mouth falls open but nothing comes out. He delivers a smack to her ass. “Answer me baby” He groans, going deeper bottoming out. 

“Oh shitt, Yess” She moans out blissfully.

“Say it” He says, pulling out and sitting on the side of the tub, pulling her back on him and sliding in again. He starts to work her up and down his member.

“Say it Makena” He states firmly.

“Ima be your girlfriend babyy” She blurts out.

“Yea?” He says with a smile, kissing you along the side of your face and neck as he still bounces you on him. Makena starts to throw it back on him, pulling out her best moves to show him that it doesn’t get any better than this. 

“Oh fuckk mama” He grunts, grabbing the back of her neck turning her to face him. 

“Gimme kiss” They lean into each other and give each other the sloppiest kiss ever. 

“Hmmm baby im cumming” She cries out, picking up her speed.

“Cum on your dick” His words were like a catalyst for her orgasm, which rips through her like a tornado. He finishes right behind her, pulling out and releasing on the rug. She turns to kiss him once again.

“Mm we not finished yet. I still have a lot of making up to do.” He says with a lustful grin on his face.

A/N: Makena definitely DID NOT stand on business 😭😭

[haru-natsuka]

First Night Interview (Heartslabyul and Scarabia Ver.)

Question: How did you spend your first night with your wife?

Ace looked at the question in horrified.

Ace: WH-WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT! WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU?!

Deuce: Bet you were just sleeping like a log. *

Deuce smirked at Ace as he folded his arms, literally mocking him. Irritated with Deuce remark, Ace did not back down.

Ace: HUH! EXCUSE ME! We diiddd it all night longggg! Tch! (I'd be dead if my wife knew about this) Bet you struggle to even hold your wife's hands.

Deuce: ME-ME?! Me... My wife and I... spend a heated night *blush furiously*. It's the first night of the wedding after all. It's bound to happen. *Super proud face*. How about Trey-senpai and Cater-senpai?

Trey: I don't think I can say much. My marriage happened during Christmas so both of us were busy with all the orders from the bakery. We just passed out late at night and wake up early tomorrow morning for another batch of orders.

Cater: That's sounds pretty tiring. Good, you have a supportive wife. You should buy her a cute gift as a reward.

Trey: I already did.

Cater: What did you give? Something branded? Expensive? Trending?

Trey: There is no need to buy when I can just provide the thing for my wife.

Cater: You must bake something and use your unique magic to impress her.

Trey: Something like that. Now, stop focusing the conversation on me, Cater. It's your turn. Don't avoid to answer.

Cater: Uhuu..Did I get caught? I also have nothing special to share. I only remember taking multiple pictures of my wife. She's too beautiful and photogenic for me to stop.

Deuce: Really senpai? But I don't notice you update anything in magicam that night.

Cater: Not everything should be posted, Deuce-chan. It's a memory that I want to keep for myself.

Deuce: Please drop the chan :(

Riddle, who was listening to the conversation could not hold himself back anymore

Riddle: All of you... I tried to ignore it but I couldn't anymore. DID YOU GUYS BREAK THE CURFEW?! This is an embarrassment for ex-students from Heartslabyul. A DISGRACE!

Everyone was shocked with the ex-dorm leader outburst.

Deuce: Riddle-senpai, do you still follow all the 180 rules?

Riddle: It's 810! How can you forget about the rules! This matter is not something to take lightly!

Cater: That's Riddle for you I guess.

Riddle: My wife is not like you rule breakers at all. She follows all the rules really well. It was right for me to rely on my mother in choosing my partner.

Ace: YOU IMPLY THE SAME RULES TO YOUR WIFE???!!!

Riddle: It's something to be expected alright. When the clock hit 10, we go sleep punctually. It has been 1 month of marriage and we always did that.

Trey: Did you really just sleep, Riddle?

Riddle: I don't see anything worth to do except that. Besides, I finished all my tasks early before bed.

Trey: Your wife don't say anything? Like giving you the cold shoulders.

Riddle: When I think about it... She did act differently the next day but I don't know why. I tried to ask but she always said she's busy or I need to figure it out by myself.

Ace: Congratulation on having the first couple fight

Riddle: Wh-what do you mean by that, Ace?

Cater: Just ignore him, Riddle. Let me help you solving the problems. I already share some links with you. You just need to watch and you will understand your wife better.

Riddle: Will it works? *About to click the link*

Cater: *Close Riddle's phone as fast as he can* Please remember to not watch it in public.

Kalim: What are you guys doing? Can I join too?

Trey: I don't think you should involve yourself in the conversation Kalim. This will taint your innocence

Ace: We talking about everyone's first night. Please share with us your experience too, senpai

Trey: Ace! You-!

Kalim: Ohh about that! Of course, I spent the entire night with my beautiful wife. She teaches me a lot of ways to cuddle. We keep each other close not only that night but the entire next 2 days! And we-!

Jamil: KALIM! STOP TALKING! (Immediately cover his mouth and drag him away before he can describe the entire situation. Meanwhile, Riddle was busy taking notes inside his head. Cuddle all night doesn't sound so bad)

Cater: What about you, Jamil?

Jamil: I don't want to share anything but my wife admit I'm a husband material *Smug smile*

END

This is my first time focusing my writing on dialogue more instead of description. How was it? While doing this, I got some ideas to write one-shot for everyone of them in regards of their first night. Might be writing a new series huhuhuhu.

[deadricslover]

Relationship dynamics with SV5

here's my masterlist!

a/n: this is the first formula one post on my account! if you read my late night thoughts volume one, then you will know my love for f1

summary: just some relationship dynamics and scenarios with our fave <3

warnings: use of y/n...IM SORRY, language, mentions of sexual themes, long post?

pairings: fem!driver!reader x different eras!Sebastian vettel

-------------------------------------------------

obvious x oblivious

the Australian Formula One race. It has always been one of your favourites to drive. It is clear why you have such a liking for it because you have so many happy memories from there. The time difference from your home country is the one thing you detest; it is impossible to wake up and go to bed at the right times here.

"last year's winner, how are you feeling" your teammate and best friend Fernando asks, nudging your arm and stopping you from what you are doing

"sleep deprived but excited. what about you? did you sleep at all"

"Very little. I watched a few of the films you suggested to tire myself out, but it didn't work" he responds in that all too familiar Spanish accent

you respond, "they were just too exciting" and you giggle a little. You two continue talking while you get ready for the upcoming race in the sweltering heat. Fernando says he is going to do some laps around the paddock to get some fresh air and invites you to come and you agree, needing to get out of the claustrophobic garage. You two are chatting about strategies and the meal you had the previous night until you hear your name being called. Lewis grabbed your attention since he hadn't spoken to you all weekend and wanted to ask you a few questions and say hello. You tell Fernando to keep moving and you'll soon catch up with him.

he agrees and continues walking until he gets to the red bull garage and spots Sebastian.

"hey mate, how's it going?" seb asks the world champion

"all good, man. what about you?" he replies

"good good. Ferrari are looking strong this weekend."

"yeah we are. this track really suits y/n's style of driving so I have high hopes for us this weekend." Fernando compliments, as soon as he says your name he looks over to you and lewis talking and seb follows his line of view to find you. seb secretly-- well, he thought he was subtle but infact he was the complete opposite, seb had a thing for you and Fernando always tried to get him to ask you out but he never had the guts to.

"yeah, she's great" he says, love oozing from him as he stares at your smile when talking to lewis and the way your hair falls.

"seb, seriously. I cant bear this anymore. please ask her out. you've got a hard on right now" Fernando informs the red bull driver

"what?!" he replies, looking down and seeing nothing and realising Fernando had caught him out.

"fuck off" Sebastian replies.

you look over to see Fernando and Sebastian talking and you smile and wave over, completely oblivious to the looks seb is throwing at you. this wasn't the first time though, seb had tried flirting with you before but you always thought it was friendly banter. you never thought Sebastian could have feelings for you.

"y/n's gonna be too tired this weekend anyway so you got off easy." Fernando tells him honestly. He wasn't wrong though, he could straight up say 'i love you' and you would just thank him. the jet lag kills you.

"another day or I swear-" Fernando starts

"okay, I get it. you want me to ask her out. I'm working on it"

"she is also just so oblivious to the signals you're giving her, so it's not entirely you're fault"

"thank you" seb replies sarcastically as he just now is realising that you're unbeknownst to his attempts.

another day... hopefully.

-------------------------------------------------

bf who speaks another language x gf who is learning for him

it's widely known in the formula one community that Sebastian is infact German and German is his first language. for you, however, you don't speak German and you feel like him speaking your native language all the time is a bit unfair. so, you decided to get some lessons and watch some videos to try and learn some German for Seb. he doesn't know about this though and you thought it would be a nice surprise for him. you feel confident enough in your skills now to have a conversation with him. You both were at his parents house for dinner and German was being spoken here and there to accommodate seb's parents.

"Aus diesem Grund werde ich deinen Vater nie wieder kochen lassen" (because of this, I am never ever letting your father cook again) seb's mom tells him and the three of them laugh and so do you, seb looks at you confused and asks

"you don't need to laugh if you don't know what we are saying, basically she said that-" he starts but you cut him off telling him what she said

"she's never letting your dad cook ever again because he destroyed her favourite dish" you inform him and he looks at you lovingly but also even more confused than before.

"how did you know what that meant?" he asks

"I've been learning some German for you. did I get it right?" you answer

"for me? you didn't need to do that, darling" he replies placing a hand on your thigh and drawing shapes on it to show a bit of love.

"it's unfair that you're always speaking English for me, so I need to return the favour"

and with that he couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night. for you, it's nothing much, just showing appreciation. but for him, it's everything, the fact you were willing to learn a whole new language just so he could feel a sense of home. he appreciates it more than you know.

-------------------------------------------------

chef bf x gf pro taster

you have spent the whole day with one of your dearest friends who moved away a couple of years ago with her boyfriend, but now, she is back in town as they broke up and you offered her a place to stay until she gathered herself and found her own place, of course you had ran this past Sebastian and he was also okay with it as he knew how close you two were even when she wasn't physically with you. you two just got home from collecting her from the airport and getting lunch while seb was out also doing his own thing.

the aroma coming from the kitchen as soon as you stepped inside was unbeatable, Sebastian had spent the evening cooking a lovely meal for the three of you to eat when you got home. you show your friend to the room she is staying in and then make your way down to the kitchen to see seb. you enter the kitchen to see his back turned to you and he was stirring a pot.

"what are you making" you ask appearing next to him.

he informs you what he is making and the sides he is preparing also. he takes the spoon out if the pot full of the food and blows on it to cool it down before placing it in font of your mouth to taste.

"taste it for me? be careful, it's hot" you say before blowing on it again and taking a bite. it was delicious.

"seb, that's so good" you compliment

"I try" he replies smiling

"is this what it's gonna be like living with you guys for he next couple of weeks?" your friend comments entering the kitchen to find the two of you.

"she is my professional taste tester, I need her opinion" he replies to her and we all just laugh it off and eat dinner which was unreal. if Sebastian failed as a driver, he could have been a chef and would have been a renowned world famous one too. not that he wanted that but he sure could have been.

-------------------------------------------------

overly affectionate x blushes easily

seb is the most affectionate man you have ever met, he always must be showing you love in some way, whether it's holding your hand, bringing you flowers, letting you decide what movie to watch, he just wants you to know how much he appreciates you. he also notices and takes into account, every little thing you do so he can incorporate that into his daily life.

for example, this f1 season had started out great, but a couple of races back, Ferrari had gotten some new upgrades to the car that didn't work and have been jeopardizing your performance. They assured you and Fernando that they would work out and to give them time and experiment different tactics that suits this particular upgrade. Needless to say, you were not looking forward to this race at all. you hear your name being called from the front of the garage, so you walk out to find seb in his racing suit, ready to go but with a t-shirt saying I heart you but with your initials and racing number. you could have kissed him right there but wanted to keep the pda away.

"seb that's so sweet, I love you so much"

"anything for my favorite driver"he replies which makes you blush

"that's a bit biased, don't you think?" you reply while he grabs your hand lightly in his

"I don't care" he smiles

despite you trying to avoid pda for the cameras, you don't care in the moment, so you kiss him. just like you said you wanted to. To be completely honest, with Sebastian you don't really mind showing a little bit of pda because you care for him so much. he just brings that out in you, he brings out the best in you.

the gesture replays in your mind and you start to blush just thinking about it, seb's lips against yours and his hands around your waist add that all add to that blood rush.

"awh, you're blushing." seb teases as he pulls away

"stop" you whine slightly embarrassed at how easy it is for him to get you to blush. again, seb just really brings that out in you.

seb hums in disapproval as if to say no way and places a kiss in your hair whilst keeping you close to seal it all in. you make a mental note to snap a photo of him in this t-shirt to brag to your friends about how much better seb is than their boyfriends....kidding obviously....

------------------------------------------------- I have a pt. 2 if you guys want it!

[haerieee]

{ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʰᵃᵗᵉˢ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰʸ, ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ʰᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ⁱⁿ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ˢᵒ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ }

y/n stared confused and a little annoyed at her seatmate who refused to take part in their paired project.

"nah, im tired"

"but we have to finish this"

"yea yea just do your part then send it to me, i'll do it at home"

karma rested his head in his arms on the table, facing away from her. seriously what did y/n even do? all she did was become his seatmate by luck and occasionally ask him math questions because he's smart. so why did he have to be so hostile?

"okay.."

he made y/n so uncomfortable. She admits she did have a crush on the redhead but has said nothing and done nothing to him about it, making his coldness much harsher on her.

-

during their pe lessons, karasuma made seatmates partner up to spar with each other.

y/n glanced at karma, and he glanced back before looking away and walking out of the field to skip the class.

"did both of you get into an argument?"

nagisa asked, knowing his friend was not the type to be so cold to someone without a reason. sure karma can be unfriendly and aggressive to people, but it was to those who did or said something bad.

"no he just hates me for breathing"

y/n sighs and rolls her eyes before asking if she could spar with another person.

-

"why would you pull that off?!"

karma is angry, but y/n was confused, was he angry at her for trying to defend their group when they got attacked by students who are much bigger and older than them? or did he have some grand plan and she fucked it up?

"akabane i-"

"what if you got seriously hurt? you wouldn't even stand a chance against those guys!"

he gripped your shoulders tightly.

"then what should i have done? you were getting kicked!"

you smacked his hands away and got up, brushing the dirt off your skirt. you looked over to your elbow which got scrapped when the students shoved you and winced a little at the pain.

"you're really a fucking idiot you know that."

karma held your arm to look at your wound, then poured water to disinfect it. y/n took the bottle out of his hand and stepped back.

"i can do it by myself, after all, you don't want to waste your time with a fucking idiot you hate."

karma was stunned, he knew he was an ass to her these past few weeks but she thought he hated her?

"what are you even saying y/n, since when have i hated you?"

y/n looked at karma incredulously

"don't give me that bullshit, you were so cold to me when i did nothing to you."

he was cold to her he knows, he was trying to avoid her. why? because he felt something with her, something foreign, fuzzy and warm. whenever he was with her his heart would like someone squeezed the life out of it. it was so annoying but he was always addicted, so he avoided her to stop what he was feeling.

karma sighed, "i don't hate you. really. its just,,"

he looks away ashamed of how vulnerable he is now in front of her. he combs his hair back with his hands in frustration and also to hide his red face.

"just?"

y/n hoped for a suitable answer as to why he had shunned her this whole time because it really did hurt her quite a lot.

"i feel something with you, its so weird, i don't like it."

karma says, eyes never looking at the girl in front of him. he couldn't bear to see what expression he had on her face, it would truly kill his heart.

"it's...ah you know what never mind."

he tries to control the damage that's done, he thinks that anymore he says, y/n would never want to see him again. y/n grabs the hem of his black jacket to stop him from avoiding her, something she should have done all along.

"no, karma, what feelings do you have with me. don't try to run away again"

y/n gripped tightly, feeling like if she let go he would be gone for real this time. she calls out his first name for the first time showing how desperate she was.

"i really really like you. alot."

ah. he did it, he admitted his feelings. it's done, whatever relationship they had is gone now.

"what? is that why you acted like that?"

oh my, karma is so fucking cute, y/n thought seeing his face flush even redder

"so annoying, i can't believe i feel so weak when i'm with you. i can't even fight properly. i can't even focus on anything in class."

karma kept trying to hate how he feels, perhaps its because he never knew what it was like to give love since his parents were always either overseas or at work.

"annoying? you are so stupid. you liked me for a month and you found it annoying, i liked you for 6 months you ass!"

y/n smacked his shoulder, then winced at the pain from her wound, making karma grasp her arm to check it. he looks up to her as he processes her words.

"6 months? u like me?"

"yeah 6 months of always looking at you and noticing what you do, i was so happy talking to you and then suddenly you went cold-"

before y/n could finish her rambling, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, engulfing her in an embrace. karma held y/n tight and buried his face into her neck, his heartbeat beating too quickly he felt faint.

"i like you, ahh i like you so much, fuck"

y/n laughs and hugs him as tight, caressing his hair.

"you finally admitted your feelings, idiot."

y/n pulls away and cups his warm cheeks, smushing his face a little which made his lips form a pout. he furrowed his eyebrows at her action. karma leans in and pecks y/n on the lips, and she gasps.

"how dare you be so bold now when you were avoiding me the whole month, tsk"

y/n playfully chided him and he laughed before apologizing and then kissing her again.

-

"oh? i guess both of you are on good terms now?"

kayano nudged your shoulder and you smiled and nodded.

"now you have a chance to get him to like you, y/n!"

y/n looked at karma, who was with nagisa and sugino. and then her phone chimed.

//

karma <3: should we skip class and go on a date? >:)

//

y/n laughed, "i don't think i need to anymore, kayano"

after that, karma and y/n disappeared for the rest of the school day to hang out with each other. ♡

ᵒᵐᵍ 2 ᶠⁱᶜ ⁱⁿ 2 ᵈᵃʸˢ? ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵃ ʸᵉᵃʳ ᴴᴬᴴᴬ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ⁱˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ, ⁱ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵈᵉⁿⁱᵉˢ ʰⁱˢ ᶠᵉᵉˡⁱⁿᵍˢ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʰᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏˢ ⁱᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ʰⁱᵐ ʷᵉᵃᵏ ᴴᴼᴴᴼ

ˢᵒ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵒᵐᵍ

ᵃⁿʸʷᵃʸˢ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵃˡˡ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ !

[theshiftingwitch]

Hi!

I have horrible OCD and I can’t get my mind to understand the way I need to differentiate between my desired reality and my thoughts.

I’ve been struggling with it for months because of coaches and people always saying our thoughts are what create our reality. Since I’ve come to understand that the 4D and our imagination creates our reality, and reality is an echo of our thoughts, it’s really fucked up my entire faith and I can’t trust my own words and desires anymore.

I can only bring myself to manifest smaller things like money, or clearer skin and longer hair etc because of fears. My mind has convinced me I have illness and that Ill never get to reality shift because of my OCD, and what’s so scary is that it feels so real.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to release this energy of constantly being convinced there’s illness in me or my own parent, I have no idea what I can visualize to make things better because my mind just shows me images of me and my parent sick all day. I don’t know what mindset I can have apart from the fact that reality is an echo of our thoughts.

Do I continue to affirm that my desired thoughts obliterates and destroys my fears of illness even thought I constantly get scary images that feel so real? I don’t have anyone who understands my problems at such a spiritual level and I’ve tried so hard to find meditations exactly for this but none of them fit to my standards.

I’m so tired and I’m almost completely giving up due to how real my OCD feels. It’s always surrounding illness in the stomach area which has created this horrible stuck energy that almost fuels my OCD. When Im most terrified what can I do?

What do I do?

Sorry for the long message! 🫶🏻🥺

Hello!

Surprisingly, this is not the first ask I get about manifesting/shifting while struggling with OCD (I'll leave the links down for you)

First, I have to say this because I can't, in good conscience, give you my advice without letting you know : I am not a professional. Manifestation and loa and shifting are not a replacement for professional help, so if you can, please speak to someone who knows what they're doing when it comes to complex mental health.

You said you can only bring yourself to manifest small things, then you listed things people have been struggling with for months! There are no small or big manifestations, everything is of equal value when it comes to loa, so already you've proven to be a powerful manifestor.

And yet, as powerful as you are, you haven't been able to manifest this illness that plagues your mind. You're not sick, your family is not sick, you're all doing just fine. So why is it that this particular thought didn't manifest when we always say that our thoughts create our realities?

The mind is a complex thing, and your subconscious is a sponge that absorbs whatever you tell it without debate or questions. However, manifesting is not simply thinking a thought and letting it come into your reality. Manifestation requires clear DESIRE. It needs a strong intention and a burning desire for that which you WANT to manifest. If you're thinking a thought and it feels so real and yet the whole time your mind is going " I don't want this! I don't want this outcome! Please don't bring this into my 3d reality, this feels awful, I don't like this! Make it stop" you're signalling to your subconscious mind that this is not a desire, so it gets handled as such.

Intrusive thoughts are just that, a thought that doesn't belong and is intruding on your normal line of thinking. You can't manifest that which you do not desire. Your mind is smarter than that, the universe is smarter than that!

Check out these posts if you have more questions about this, and happy manifesting ❤️

[matthewswifeyx]

Im tired (02)

Pairing- Y/N & Fratboy!Chris

Summary- Y/N and Chris are in a situationship and she is tired of hiding her feelings and she wants to be something more with Chris.

Warnings- angst, crying, arguing

Requested?- Yess! By @loveparqdise <3

"I'm tired of this depressing routine for me Chris. And if we want different things, in whatever you call this relationship, then maybe we can't do this anymore."

Chris sat upright on the bed. His hands covered his face and he rubbed his eyes, he dragged his palms down from his cheeks.

"I don't know what you want from me Y/N. You know that I don't want anything like that." He said.

"Well what we do in private doesn't say that!" I spat.

"Y/N, it's complicated." He huffed.

"Well Chris, I'm not accepting this 'love' you have for me because I don't think I deserve it! I deserve more. I shouldn't have to settle with attention only at parties! I shouldn't be ignored if I see you in public with your friends. God, why are you so scared?" All of these words are just flying out of my mouth, without time to process them. But he knows it's all true.

"I'm not scared! I just don't want to get into a relationship where it's one-sided." He declared.

"So your saying if we got into a relationship it would only be me saving it?" I asked confused. "The thing is Chris, you say you don't want anything. But you can't lead me on like this! I am always thinking about you! The only reason I come to these stupid frat parties are for you! And now i'm realising that I would do that for you, but would you do that for me?"

Chris just sat there in silence, again.

"This exactly proves my point." I say. I grab my bag and then head for the bedroom door. Then I head for the stairs.

I had ran out the door in a hurry, I didn't want Chris coming after me. Oh wait he wouldn't do that!

I know i'm being harsh but he has to hear me out, he can't expect me to just suppress these feelings until the end of college. He might be able to do that but I definitely wouldn't last.

I'm on the sidewalk now waking away from the noise of the music. And i was crying. Why was I crying over him? The tears had destroyed my makeup, the mascara covered drops had created black lines down my face. Maybe it represented my broken heart?

I stumbled over to a wooden bench and sat down. I looked up at the starry night and I tried to calm myself down. But I couldn't, all of these unanswerable questions filled my thoughts.

"Am I really that unlovable?"

"Why did Chris use me?"

"Why did Chris waste my time?"

"Does he even care?"

"Does this even bother him?"

I tried to focus on my breathing. It was a breezy night, and goosebumps grazed my skin. I held my arms in my own embrace and I just let my remaining tears fall. I felt doubt rush over me. Was I unreasonable? No I couldn't have been.

I leaned back on the bench and tried to relax. The trees swayed behind me, it gave me a sense of peace, but I was far from it.

God, why can't Chris just love me back?

Banner credits to @issysh3ll <3

Hey guys! I hope you really enjoyed this fic! If you have any suggestions/requests please do not hesitate to send me a quick message, and i will try and get back to you asap! <3

[rayjeff]

btw sorry i haven't been as active recently, life's rough

(if you want to hear me vent and talk about life you can read it below hihi, anyway i wish you good night/day/whatever ;>)

okay so i was assigned to this 'art competition' at my school called "makro" around 3 months ago. What the hell's makro you may ask, it's a silly thing teachers assign you to in 4th grade of art school high school and give you extra classes in drawing, painting and sculpture for as long as you're not kicked out.. kicked out? well, yeah, there are 'preliminaries' so they can pick """the best students""". When there are 3 to 5 students left, they send you even further to the state competition(? country competition?? i dont know how to translate that lol). So yeah, pretty serious stuff i guess. If you win, you can receive a scholarship (and have almost perfect art portfolio)

so what am i doing there? I HAVE NO IDEA GOD DAMN IT

they fricking put me there without my knowledge and now im in the last 9 students?? help???

i honestly hate being there, i probably should be more greatful but i just can't enjoy something im forced to do. I've been drawing the same god damn stuff for several months now and i feel so washed out and exhausted that i don't like drawing anymore and im questioning my life choices xD

yes, i posted some sonic sketches ealier in the day but this is literally the first thing i've drawn for myself in a month or 2

i could have said that i don't want to participate in this beforehand, but they said that it was beneficial, relaxing and i could develop my skills, so i agreed. Now it's too late to say no. I'm too deeply involved in this to back out. And at this point i'm not sure if i would be more sad if they kicked me out (which would mean that i'm not good enough) or if i was moved to the next stage (more suffering)

I stopped texting to anyone too besides my 2 close friends, im just too tired to do anything honestly and i just want me and my mattress to become one

I'm holding on for now but ohhh it's hard sometimes

anyway.. sorry for whining and wasting your time lol, hope you guys doing okay :] wish you funky, silly, fun weekend

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

solanum dulcamara | r. itoshi

★ tags ; aged-up characters (rin and reader are in their 20's), age-gap (reader is older but there's no specifics), sub!itoshi rin, fem + afab!dom!reader, dacryphilia, established relationships and dom/sub dynamics, edging, overstimulation, subspace (rin falls head first), mommy kink, praise, teasing (reader is a bit mean), petnames for rin (spoiled little boy, sweet boy, good boy, sweetie etc.), riding, unprotected sex, face-sitting, cum-eating aftercare, 18+

★ wc ; 5.7k (frowns)

★ a/n ; ive done something bad to my brain </3 he is so baby boy.... i've gone and made myself sick just thinking about it.

i just want to clarify that this version of rin is only really accessible thru a lot of established trust and persistence. reader is incredibly attentive to him and they have a very establish bond both romantically and in a d/s dynamic. im not super confident abt his characterization but i tried to still make it feel like Him.

★ synopsis ; rin is so pretty when he cries.

The T.V. is on in the background. It's the interview you filmed a month ago, per the request of your boyfriends P.R.

"Another question from our viewers, what's your usual type in men?"

"Ah, is that okay to ask?" You reply sheepish. The interviewer waves his hand in dismissal of your concern.

"Asking when I'm already taken, so cruel. Mm, I like men who cry easily."

"Ehh? You're going to make your boyfriend sad!"

"It's fine, it's fine. He's special so it's okay."

Before Rin can watch anymore, you pick the remote up and click it off. You've just come out of a shower, towel hanging off the back of your neck. Water drips down your skin despite having dried off. The vague scent of fruit hits him as he blinks back at you. You bend forward in front of him.

"Hi." You greet, smiling. Your eyes have a particular shine to them that sends a signal of warning through RIn's body. It's been there since before you started dating. It's persisted all throughout your relationship. He never gets used to it.

He stares back at you "Hi."

You cock your head then laugh. 

"Why'd you turn the T.V. off?" He asks. You shrug, sitting next to him with your feet up on the coffee table, stretching slightly.

"Hearing my own voice feels weird."

You scrunch your nose in displeasure. When Rin sees you like this - cozy and comfortable, he can't help but be extra conscious of the air you seem to hold. Innocent isn't the right word. Simplistic might be better. There's nothing malicious about you, usually.

Even knowing that, heat curls into his body. The hairs stand on his neck. He knows almost intuitively what's coming.

"Aw, did you wanna watch my interview, Rinnie? How sweet."

He scowls at the name of endearment, then lies through his teeth.

"No." He says simply. You coo under your breath like you would a misbehaving cat. Before he can move away, your hand reaches the opposite side of his face, fingers trailing his jaw until he faces towards you.

"Liar." You say, and it's there again and Rin can feel it. It takes effort not to turn away. Not to stand to his feet and go run laps.

Rin knows, objectively, he's so much faster than you. But, some part of him is convinced he could never outrun you. You'd pin him down somehow, he's sure of it. Swift and easy. You'd wait till he was tired out and strike after—smile down at him in satisfaction towards the end.

That's just how you are. Rin doesn't dislike it.

Your fingers splay to cup his face, your thumb rubbing against his lower lip. Familiar gestures and touches don't ease his nerves. You admire him openly. Rin feels like the Earth is going to swallow him whole. He's not unused to being fawned at. He got confessed to all the time in high school but it never caught his interest.

Dating seemed pointless. Lukewarm. The first time Rin told this to you, instead of a hurt reaction like he'd gotten from other girls interested in him, you laughed. Quietly to yourself, remaining impassive.

Amused. A mirth to your eyes. Like you've stumbled upon a puzzle yet to solve. A predator with interesting prey.

("Being lukewarm is better than freezing." )

Itoshi Rin thinks you are a strange, strange person. He thinks you have strange tastes. He thinks you are strange company and that your smile is too disarming. He thinks it's strange that everyone is convinced you're nice and well-meaning when he knows you are. You are but you're not.

You are nice. Kind is a better word. Warm and forgiving and tender. You're like that even like this, when being around you feels like being thrown into the snakes den. If Rin doesn't pay attention, he's sure he'll get eaten completely.

But he lowers his guard anyway. Being devoured and being desired are the same sensation, he finds.

"Rin," You offer, an inch away from kissing him. He swallows a thick sensation in the back of his throat. He feels jumpy. "Did I make you sad, hm?"

'No." He insists.

"Really?" You grin at him. You smell sweet "But it's true, you know? I like when men cry in front of me."

A shiver wracks through him.

"Don't talk about other men in front of me." He says lamely. It's all he can say. You laugh, kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Sorry, sorry. Then what should I say instead?" You look thoughtful as you kiss him. Rin lets you. He trusts you enough to let you kiss his face all over in this overly doting way "Rin, when was the last time you cried?"

"I don't remember." He says. It's a lie. Probably after Sae came back, he should answer.

"Liar. Bad boy, you shouldn't lie to your girlfriend. Are you embarrassed about crying?"

"No."

"Lie again, and I'll punish you." You tsk, then kiss him slow. On the lips this time. In that deep mesmerizing way that makes the insides of Rin's stomach feel like honey over flame. He gets jealous thinking about where you learned it all from. He knows your older and more experienced and that you love him despite all that, but he's jealous anyways.

If you could hear it, you'd call Rin spoiled with that same amusement you always regard him with.

"Rin," There's a little more urgency in your voice this time. It satisifes a part of Rin he doesn't know intimately. He didn't think it was there before he met you "I want to make you cry."

"Why?"

"I like seeing you like that." You tell him honestly  "I like it so much when you look like that. Of course I feel bad too, but."

"Why the hell would you like that?" He asks, voice raspy with less anger than he would hope for. You invite yourself into his lap. Rin doesn't stop you. Your arms around his neck feel like a choker but there's something so comforting about the feeling of being suffocated.

You let your hands cup the nape of his neck, the other hand brushing his skin. Knuckles along his cheek with nothing but affection. You smile.

"When you look helpless and needy like that, I want you to depend on me." You say sweetly, so saccharine it makes Rin nauseous. "When you look sad and lonely, I want to comfort you so I can keep you all to myself."

"...Were you like this with your other boyfriends?"

"Mm, would you be sad if I said yes? But I didn't like any of them, y'know? They just came onto me because they liked being bullied."

He gives you a look of displeasure that makes you laugh.

"I only like you," You assure, your tone shifting again. Still familiar. The kind, gentle version of you seeping in through the cracks "I love you most of all. Only you."

"Stop that." He tucks his chin because he can't look up at you. You grin widely "You're weird."

You pull him towards you, hugging him tight.

"My Rin is the best in the world, hm?"

He thinks you're bad for him, in some ways. Good in more ways too. This kind of feeling, he isn't sure where it falls on the scale. It feels good, at least. Makes his head feel heavy with something even though all of his hairs stand on end. There's resistance before there's desire to succumb.

"Weird." He mutters, unable to stop himself from slipping into you.

"I wanna make you cry so I can wipe your tears off your face. I'll bet you're so pretty."

"You say stuff  like that so easily it scares me."

"Don't be scared. It's all because I love you, okay? I love you sooo much."

He clicks his teeth "You're pushing it."

"Because I know you'll forgive me. Now, take off your clothes and tell me your colors."

"Red for stop, green for go, yellow for slow down." Rin says on automatic before blushing.

"There you go." You reply, pleased with yourself.

Ultimately, Rin listens. You're right in your assessment. He'll always forgive you no matter the circumstance. Despite himself and all the warnings - he'll listen to you obediently. You help Rin take off his clothes. Manicured fingers drag up the sides of his body, along the anterior muscles of his abdomen. 

His shirt comes first. When it's off , you stare at him long and hard. Tilting his head back, you press a kiss to his Adam's apple before your fingers tug on his nipples. He lets out a sharp noise that makes you hum against his skin, throaty and pleased. He can feel your teeth on his neck and the warmth of your cunt against his jeans even through all the thick layers of fabric.

"They're always so sensitive," You say, running your thumb over them "Such a pretty color."

"Stop talking." He hisses, throwing his head back. You giggle at him.

His cock twitches at the sharp sensation. You latch yourself to the column of his throat - a familiar bruising throb making his whole body ache. Kissing and licking and biting every visible inch of his body while your free hand plays with his chest.

The roles should be reversed here, he's sure, but he can't remember a time they ever were. At least properly, with Rin initiating of his own volition. Not just being permitted by you to do so, but actually doing it all on his own.

He stifles a groan, hand cupped over his mouth as you pleasure his body. You play him like a well-tuned machine. A practiced handler for all of his more delicate parts and functions.

The blood rushing to his cock makes him light headed. The motions are  well-practiced ones. You know just the right way to tease the hardened buds under the pads of your fingers, how to pinch with the tips of your nails until it's unbearable . The soft drags of your fingers, nails scratching the skin until it's red and raised. He's always been pale. White, milky skin that blooms into different shades of bruise. Colors you like, anyway.

You make a show of undoing his belt buckle. The noise is so audible, the soft clack of metal echoes as it gets undone. Unzipping his jeans, you cup your palm around his semi-hard cock and squeeze tight like you're holding his hand. He shudders, only saved by the thin material of his boxers.

You let your thumb trace under the head, still through the black cotton. You press it into the sticky tip, rubbing small circles with a gleeful giggle. He huffs. Making the mistake of looking at you directly sends him into a frenzy. Your expression is vulgar when you peer at him - lips tucked between your teeth and eyes full of hot white desire. Rin can feel how much you want this. How much you want him. You express it openly.

(He wants it just as bad. Maybe worse.)

You hook your finger into the edge of his boxers, peeking inside.

"Your cock is so pretty," Your sincerity sends electricity through his spine. He chokes "So cute."

"Don't talk about it like that."

"It's cute to me though?" You say, a horrifyingly genuine assessment as you push the fabric down enough to sit under his balls - leaving him exposed and stood up to attention. You wrap a hand around the shaft, leaning in to bite his earlobe "It's cute when it gets red like that. Your ears get red like that too."

Rin watches you with his eyes blown wide as you lift your fingers to your mouth, dragging your tongue along the middle and ring. You fuck them into your mouth slowly, until saliva drips down on them and the act is so salacious he thinks his heart is going to give. When they're nice and wet, you wrap them around the base. 

The  sensation makes his body clench. A suddenly warm and slick feeling surrounds him. You're good with your hands. Too good, actually. The exact pressure and speed without having to try - this isn't the first time you've touched Rin like this so he knows it all too well.

But there's something about this time that makes it different. You're slower as you work your palm against his cock, pushing the curve up against his tip and circling it without touching it long enough. He stares down at you as you do it. Your other hand fondles his balls, thumb teasing the seam as you squeeze them.

"Did you touch yourself without me, Rin?"

"No," He admits. This time it's not a lie. You smile.

"What a good boy."

Fuck. He shivers.

"My good boy. My Rin, all mine forever right?" You say, not expecting him to respond. But it's not babble, not pointless chatter. It's what he wants to hear.

Possession. Yes, he thinks. All yours forever.

Of course he doesn't say it. Not there yet, and unsure if he ever will be but it feels good to hear anyway. Rin has always been humiliated by his own desire. Before you, he thinks he did a good job of keeping it a secret. He didn't explore his sexuality in a way that was meaningful for good reason, avoiding it all together.

You changed that. He wanted you. And you wanted him, always, with such intensity that Rin found it hard to stop thinking about. Rin has always been weak to you.

And you're like this. Straightforward and open and so attractive it makes him feel like he's going to sink. To be wanted in this way that wraps him up in reassurance, to be taken care of. You want all of him. Even his tears. Even though he resists because it’s not something he knows how to cope with even now. 

Would anyone dislike that if they got it as easily as he does?

You keep doing the same hand motions, stroking his cock at this slow pace that drives him up a wall. His chest heaves as you switch the pace. Fast, fast, slow. Over and over until he's at the edge. His whole body tenses, though his hands remained tucked at his sides.

Then you stop. Completely. Leaving your hands up, you peek at him through your lashes as he lets out a ragged breath. A look of irritation on his expression, quickly washed out by fear at the amusement on your face.

"Cry for me, baby." You say satisfied with yourself, thumb pressing into his slit "I'll let you cum after."

"You're," He swears under his breath as you start again, cock sensitive now "You're..."

"I'm what, baby? I'm mean? Weird?"

He shivers as you lean forward, hugging your arm around his shoulders, hand reaching down to drag your nails lightly up his spine. The sensations all feel mixed together and with your body all pressed to him, he can feel every outline of you. Every curve. The scent of you tickles the back of his throat again. You wrap around him like a vine, curled around his wrists and ankles and throat. Trapped, suspended by the presence of you.

He wants to cum, but the first time you deny it like this isn't so bad.

"Look at you holding it in so well," You start, though Rin can feel how much more is at the end of your sentence "Can you keep touching yourself for me, then? Slow like this."

Rin nods, though he isn't sure there's much of a choice. You kiss him in reward, standing back up on your feet. He watches you as you turn around. You pull your pants down the curve of your ass, leaving a pair of panties plainly in view and Rin feels his dick twitch in his hands. Fuck. You're so wet it's dripping down your leg. Knowing he did that to you is enough to make him groan.

Plus your bare skin, soft and smooth from being showered and lotioned is too much for him to try and endure.

You repeat the action with your shirt, but there's nothing underneath. When you're almost naked, you make a show of bending over to take your panties off. There's a noise as the thin cotton unsticks from your soaked cunt, material roll down your legs. It's just enough to get an eyeful of your pussy.

Soft and hot and so fucking wet. He feels restless. His hand isn't doing the job. He wants to be inside. Closer to you. You're all naked when you turn around and Rin is still mostly clothed. You crawl in his lap and move his hands away when you're straddling him again.

Cruel and unrelenting, you grab his cock again but this time you pull it against you. Grind yourself against his shaft, rubbing his tip against your clit deliberately. The sensation is making him bite down on his cheek hard enough that he might bleed. Soaking pussy, sticky and welcoming.

"You're trying so hard today," You say, half-way between sincere and condescending. His head is starting to get mushy, like his tongue doesn't fit in his mouth. "You don't have too, yknow?"

"What a-are you…?"

It's too fucking much. Too many senses stimulated. Too many feelings pouring out of him as he listens to you talk.

You're throbbing. He can feel you as you slide his cock between your folds with your hands, a slow and controlled pace that sends him teetering over the edge with each pass. It's so slick that it's noisy, and you have to be careful not to slip. Your fingers are covered in arousal just like his cock—so fucking messy, and it's dripping down his shaft in beads. It's wearing down his will. The one he's currently using to maintain his pride.

For Rin, loss always has to come at ultimate defeat. He hates things that are half-assed. Neck in neck, close to winning but not quite. That kind of thing is too frustrating. It has to be all encompassing. Rin wants to give in only when he can longer bear the weight of losing. Loss so utterly undeniable he can do nothing but be pinned underneath. 

When you tell Rin he's trying too hard, the condescension is not for nothing. Because you know just as well as he does that you can take him apart easily. Crushing defeat through actions and patience. That's been your M.O. from the start. This is you giving him lee way. It's not like you'll make fun of him if he gives in. 

Because you are sweet and you are kind and if Rin had even an ounce less of shame - you'd spoil him without thinking twice. He's only managed to do it once before and it was probably the best he's ever felt. But he can't default to it. Despite how much he wants too, he can’t just let go. Doing this much is complicated. Listening is complicated and his brain is so full of self-doubt he’s starting to shake. 

But then, there’s you. The sound of your voice that makes it all stop. 

"Can't just let go, can you sweetie?" And Rin trembles at the slight edge, just barely there "I think it's cute, though. You're so cute, aren't you, Rin?"

"I'm not—"

"I mean, look at how you're tensing your muscles trying not to fuck up into me, huh? Guess you're not any different from other guys.  When you see somethin' soft and wet for you to fuck you lose all your common sense."

He chokes on a moan so loud he can't believe it's coming from him.

"Shouldn't resist it so hard. You can be my spoiled little boy. That's what Rin likes best, right?"

Normally, Rin admires your smooth talk. He doesn't have it in him to mimic it, sentences too awkward and too clumsy to sound good. You talk to him like this like it's so easy. Conversational. Rin doesn't hate it about you, but right now it's the worst thing he could hear.

He's slipping into it slowly. Like he's hanging onto the edge of a cliff and you're pulling his fingers off one-by-one. Your pussy is so wet and he's so fucking hard. Nothing makes any sense anymore. He can’t tell left from right and he wants to run away. But he can’t. He doesn’t want to stop but he wants to run away. 

"You're drooling," You coo, free hand wiping the corner of his mouth. He burns with embarrassment "How sweet."

He can feel himself, the edge again - this time so close he can practically taste it. And the second the knot gets close to being untied, you stop all over again. Rin curses so loud he practically yells, his whole body lurching forward to hump into something before you push him all the way back down.

Officially overstimulated, he looks up at you desperately. You look so absolutely delighted he almost wants to shove you away.

"There it is. Look at you, baby, Just a little more."

He doesn't know how long he can keep up. This part of this is a trust fall. Rin could probably cry right now. Being pushed to this extent, till his head and his body are all out of sorts. Till there's too many thoughts jumbled up and tangled to fight. It makes Rin want to cry. It makes him want to seethe. To curl into himself and abandon everything. 

He’s scared, admittedly. But there’s you, again. And so he breathes and watches you and doesn’t want to stop. 

You keep your pace, rubbing his cock relentlessly against your pussy. So much of the same thing, but you're focused on nothing but him. Even when it feels good for you, when you moan or sigh, your eyes are glued to watching. Watching his cock twitch erratically, little dribbles of precum spilling out but never being able to come through completely. That you swipe up with your fingers and add to the mess you're making.

It'd feel so good right now. You're so wet, fuck — you might even push him out if he puts it in. Rin wants and wants and wants. The magnitude of it is truly, truly terrifying.

But you take him through it slowly. Then the words fall out of your lips slowly - gently, almost a secret.

"Mommy's pretty boy," You rasp, so low that it's barely there but it makes the entire world stop at once. He shudders, his whole body trembles. He can feel himself falling completely and the sudden desperation has him clutching your hips. The emotion is so overwhelming. Only you could ever do this to him. You're the only person allowed. A bittersweetness to all of it that makes Rin yield despite his efforts.  "My sweet boy."

The praise makes him feel like he's melting. Mommy makes it okay. He doesn't know who he is currently. It's not his job too. He just looks up at you and hopes that everything carries over. 

You cup your hands on his face, sticky and messy and look up at him. He stares at you as you smile, eyes blown wide and floaty. 

"There you are," You say, so sweet Rin wants to sink "Mommy's here. 's okay."

He's lost himself in it completely. He's not drowning, but he's submerged in water with no room to look for light. Just you, only you.

"Hi," He says, staring at you. Relief fills him "I love you."

You smile, kissing his forehead "I love you more, Rinnie. It's oka—oh. Oh, there it is."

He blinks and suddenly his visions blurred. Then there's tears, though it's not a sob. They're hot and wet and make his eyes sting. You wipe them with the driest part of your hand.

"You're so pretty when you cry." You tell him. He's needy. He leans against your shoulder, mumbling.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, baby. Lemme see. C'mere?"

He listens, lets you stare at him as hot wet tears roll down his face. He's sure when he's more cognizant he'll be ashamed. Right now he doesn't care.

"Fuck, that's it," You lean forward, licking a stripe up the side of his cheek that sends shivers up his spine, swallowing his tears "So, so pretty. You did well. What should I give you, hm?"

"Inside," He rasps, voice shot completely as he holds your hips "Please."

"Be more specific, my love."

"Please let me cum inside." He can hear his own voice echo in the back of his head, the words coming out so slurred.

"Good boy," You purr. He shakes. Like you read his mind, you pet the back of his hair soothing him "You can hug me, sweetheart. I don't mind."

So he does. Picks his arms up and wraps them around your bare middle and holds you close. He buries his face into your neck, cheek pressed against your shoulder. You pat his head, scratching your nails against his scalp. He sits still like that for a minute, nudging his nose across your skin, leaning you back so he can get a mouth around your tits.

He sucks gently, drunk off of it. You laugh airily, repositioning slightly (carefully) so he doesn't have to pull away. He can feel the head of his cock against your entrance and he moans. 

He can't help but moan as soon as you even get close. The sensation is so unreal. So dripping wet that it's hard for you to get it in completely, slippery silken walls that make it hard for him to push in. When he feels the tip enter, he groans. His whole body gives like a rope on it’s last thread, teeth gritted as he ruts his hips to fuck into you. It doesn't even take any effort to push. You sink down on it slowly, soothing him and telling him to hold it until he bottoms out.

He does, impatiently. He waits until he's all the way at the bottom before looking up at you again. 

"Good boy. Easy does it. It'll feel better to cum since you're all the way inside, right? I can do whatever you want, but if you cum before me - you'll have to make up for it. Okay? Still with me?"

He nods.

"And your color?"

"'s green."

"Good job. That's it, baby. How do you want it?"

"Can I..?"

"You wanna fuck me?"

He nods, hazed. You smile at him.

"To your heart's content. Go ahead. Hold me here, 'kay?"

Rin listens, no longer trying to fight off the urge to listen. He holds you by your hips, latching his mouth to your chest again before fucking into you slow. Your pussy is a vice grip on his cock, and he's so overstimulated as is - he knows he doesn't have much of a will to hold it in. He tries though, quivering with each thrust as he holds you up in his arms.

You mumble to him, the praise is short but sweet and each word makes his brain feels like it's gonna melt out of his ears. He feels good, a pleasant buzzing numbness all over his body that has him reeling. You work as an anchor for him, stroking and petting and kissing him as he works himself into a frenzy.

He can barely get the words out of his mouth as he feels the pressure inside of him start to build. The knot coiled so tightly is unraveling quicker than he can piece it back together. He can't hold it, he can't, he can't, he can't. His thrusts are erratic, too sloppy. Chasing his own high as he fucks into you hard and fast.

"Gonna cum for me? Mommy's sweet boy, gonna fill me up all nice?"

He croaks out the words "Y-yeah. Yeah, fuck."

"There you go. That's it."

Rin cums so hard he sees white, specks like stars in his vision. The sensation borders unbearable. It's such an intense wave of emotion he can't do anything but groan, gripping you hard and bottoming out completely before painting your insides stark white. Thick, hot spurts of cum that he keeps fucking into, overstimulating himself. It just feels so good. So good and so perfect and his mouth is agape - gasping for air as his body goes limp. You kiss him as it happens, swallowing the moans out of his mouth with a delighted smile.

He's ragged by the time it's all out, more coming in a second wave with less intensity. The wave of euphoria that washes over him doesn't bring him back down like he thought it would. He still looks at you, head blank as you smile down at him. You kiss his hairline.

"You with me? Think I should call it quits tonight."

"No. Want you to—you can sit, 'm fine."

It's like you can read his mind.

"You want me to sit on your face even though you just came in me? Think you're up for that?"

"'s fine."  He says one more time, too embarrassed to do anything more. Maybe you're feeling merciful because you don't make him say please. Just laugh, sliding his soft cock out of you slowly.

"Think you're gonna be okay? Wanna lay down?"

"I can sit on the floor. If it's okay."

He can feel how small his voice sounds, a feeling of shame overwhelming him. You rub his cheek affectionately.

"If you say so. Don't need to do anything but stick your tongue out and listen, but my sweet boy is good at listening, isn't he?"

He flushes. "Hn."

You give him a delighted smile, a proud one that makes him reel. Before he can pull away, you tell him to get down on the floor. He listens, back against it with his head laid back on the cushions. He can see his cum starting to drip out of you as you stand, his heart hammering in your ears.

The couch creak under the weight of your knees as you hover yourself over Rin's face. You thread your fingers through his hair and he sticks his tongue out without thinking twice. He can feel all the mess, your cum and his in his mouth - bitter and tangy as he lets his hand grip on your hips. Your clit is hard to attention as you grind against his tongue. He feels good as you groan with pleasure over him.

"I'm so worked up ‘cause of you. My pretty boy," You praise, before rocking your hips against his face. The feeling of you is suffocating, your thighs locked around his head. He can only breathe in the warm air surrounding you. You taste so fucking good. His nose is bumped against your pelvis as you tug harder and start an easy rhythm.

You rut back and forth and Rin suctions to give you a little more friction. You praise him for it.

"Fuck, Rin. I'm gonna—gonna c-cum."

Rin moans against you in approval and that seems to be enough to set you on edge. You hold hard onto the roots of his hair, your thighs clenching as you cum hard on his face after fucking it. He can feel your walls spasm, pushing the mess into his mouth. He swallows it obediently anyways, content to let you ride out your high until you're no longer able too.

When you sit up, you swipe Rin's lower lip with your thumb with a warm smile, putting your thumb in his mouth.

"Let's go clean up, baby."

__ 

For Rin, the process of aftercare usually tends to be a lot of grounding. A bath, usually, with the two of you talking about nothing in the process. You wash Rin’s hair for him and wash-up together and then eat something. Rin’s spoiled, really, so you usually cook for him when he asks. 

Afterwards, the emotional exhaustion sets in. You retire yourself both to bed with snacks. Rin gets to pick (a thriller movie, you’ve let him have today) and he lays there in a hoodie with his face tucked into your side as you play with his hair. It’s vulnerable. A thing he can only access with you, after all this coaxing and trust. He tries not to think too hard about what this all means. That you have sex like this, and Rin submits to you willingly. He doesn’t want to know what it says about himself. 

It’s hard for him to wrap his head around it entirely. Why it feels so good to leave it all to you. Why being doted on like that is so soothing. Despite all the time it takes to unravel him enough to give in, you always execute flawlessly and Rin is… happy at the end of it. Even though he can only admit that begrudgingly. 

Rin leans into the warmth of your body as you gently stroke his hair. He looks up at you as you scroll on your phone, a silent plea for attention. You glance down and give him a laugh. 

“Hi, my love” 

“What are you looking at?” He asks, masking the petulance in his voice just barely. You giggle. 

“Twitter. People are asking if you cry a lot because of my interview.” 

“You’re such an idiot. Did you even mean that?” He says, leaning up to be closer to you. He headbutts you lightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek right after. 

“Sorta. It was mostly a plot to bully you about it. I am an idiot, and you love me so much about it.” 

“Unfortunately.” He says, rolling his eyes. He can feel the barest smile on his face and goes to look away as he hugs you close to him. You give a stare full of warmth that he wants to shy away from but can’t bring himself too. You press a tender kiss to his head. 

“Mommy loves you so much, yeah? More than anything in the whole wide world.” 

“I told you I was fine earlier. I don’t feel bad or anything.” He says when you use the title. He thinks you’re reassuring him because you’re concerned, but you just shrug. 

“I just wanted to tell you that.” 

He frowns “...I love you too. I guess.” 

You snort. Rin smiles as you turn to face him and hug him close. 

“Thanks for telling me, baby.”

[fairyminnie444]

i wanted to ask a more spesfic question in reguards of my situation because i feel like im over complicating everything even though im aware of how simple it is. I have known about the law assumption since last July and I feel like I'm in the same place I was when I started in July to now and it's just like I am so tired of learning and not seeing anything happen. ( I am aware that whatever you are aware of expands) I feel like there are times where I literally just am angry because I feel like I'm telling myself that I am this new identity, but it's like, everything around me keeps reminding me of my old one and I feel like this has been months and months of this happening like I've cleared all my social medias. I've stopped using tiktok because of all the distractions i see on there. I only have one friend now and I'm just trying to get rid of anything and everything that reminds me of my old self but it's like, I feel like I'm trying so hard and I'm aware that you don't need to try but it's like when I do nothing and just try to live in the knowing I feel super stagnant because I'm not seeing anything new it's just I feel like I'm in a snow globe I don't belong anymore and it's just like super draining because it's like I have all this knowledge and I know what I need to do and I'm doing it but I'm just like stuck in this in between of having it and not having it, I'm like in this like weird middle part and I've been in this part for so long and it's just like I've tried every way of detachment and letting go parts of myself but i constantly do these battles where it's like I'm trying to disregard these thoughts that are my old identity, but they just keep on lingering and like at times I try not to focus on it but it's like I've created an identity saying "I have it but never seeing it in the 3-D" its so weirdly complex, I've created an identity that is solelyimaginary, how i feel right now is like law of assumption is a fixation of my mind and only belongs in my mind. and I know that's obviously not the reality and truth of the law but I think that's what my consciousness believes and I know this seems all very complicated but I think I've just had too much time to reevaluate over and over again, Ik ive done things right in ways because I've manifested things before and they always worked out when I was completely calm and still in who I was and knowing who I am, but it's like it will be like that for maybe a moment and then I'll start to have doubts and stuff like that and I'm thinking that it's self-concept problem but I've done so much self-concept work and it's just overall very very draining for me and I want this to be over. I want to get out of the middle part and completely embody the new life, without wavering and without doubts, and without all of this stuff that's coming with it because of my old self. I know that naturally for every person that's going through law of assumption journey, or whatever has the stage where their old self fights them, and tries to make them believe the old story, but there's no way that this is supposed to last for seven months like this is absolutely crazy to me. i'm the girl that recommended the power of I am channel to you maybe like a month ago and if you remember that message I sent you then, I feel like the contrast between that message and this message just shows how much wavering goes on in my reality like I literally can't stress enough how tiring this is it's like my brain is constantly fighting 2 realities, 2 identities and I just want the old one to die so bad and I know you watch Eric and he gives out every answer for this and I know in the end, there's probably nothing that you can respond to this that I don't know myself, but I'm at a point right now where I just need some advice from somebody that knows and can understand where I'm coming from specifically.I think partially the reason behind it could tie to family life because i've had a very oppressive life as a kid but its such a weird parallel because I'll think things like this, but then go to dr. & loop

I got you and I remember you. ❤️

You know this is simple, but your mind keeps trying to “figure it out” and analyze it, which creates complexity where there is none. I did that too, it’s super normal.

Maybe you’ve associated “doing nothing” with stagnation instead of true knowing. You’re waiting for the external to prove it to you.

You’re just hyper-aware of the “in-between” stage, and that’s what’s making it feel like it’s lasting forever.

Here’s the truth: the “middle part” is an illusion. It only exists because you keep identifying with it even tho u don’t want to. The only reason it feels like you’re fighting between two realities is because you keep acknowledging the old one as something that’s still there.

You’ve already shifted, the only thing making you feel stuck is the belief that you’re stuck. You know it’s simple you know. But You’re still measuring progress based on 3D (even if it’s just the absence of change). That’s reinforcing the idea that you’re in the “in-between” instead of fully being in the new.

I found myself in this situation a short time ago and since you already know everything, I'm going to tell you what I did and I hope it helps you somehow ❤️

I cried a lot, I freaked out. I couldn't swallow the anger I had, so I let it out without fear. I acted like my old self and vented everything my old self was feeling. Because asking myself "what would I do if I had what I want?" certainly wouldn't be freaking out like I was freaking out. But I needed to get it OUT of me. I was tired because I thought that process was exhausting like you. But it's not. What is exhausting is human experience itself sometimes. (in my opinion) But we know something that many people don't know and that can take away all of that bad feeling and give us PEACE. And as soon as the feeling came out, I started to feel again like I am what I want to be. Know that you will feel things that you don't identify with and sometimes you won't be able to repel them, but it doesn't change the fact that you are the creator of your reality and knowing this is all the foundation you need to not drown in your human emotions. You always have somewhere to go back to. AND THIS DOES NOT NULLIFY YOUR PROCESS. You don't start all over after that, you're already there.

I just stopped fighting, you said it was tiring and draining you too, you know it’s not supposed to be like that. Stop trying to make yourself believe. The overanalyzing, the re-evaluating, the need to “get rid of” the old identity—that’s what’s keeping it alive. You don’t need to kill the old self. Just stop feeding it attention.

I released the process. This is done. You are her. There’s no “figuring out” left to do. The moment you fully accept that, it will show up effortlessly — just like it did in the past when you were fully calm and still. Just let go the how and when. That’s the most important, also to keep you free from this doubt too.

The snow globe feeling—that sense of being trapped, seeing your new identity but not fully experiencing it—is just a byproduct of over-identifying with the transition phase. You’re not actually stuck. You’re just still looking at life through the lens of “I’m trying to become this” instead of “I already AM this.”

You don’t break out of it—you just realize there was never a barrier to begin with. The moment you stop seeing yourself as “stuck in between,” the in-between disappears.

Imagine waking up tomorrow with complete amnesia about ever struggling with this. No memories of feeling “trapped,” no questioning if you’re doing it right, no awareness of a “transition phase”—just the assumption that you are already living as her.

You are already outside the snow globe.

You know it's already done the moment you decide. So do things you like, do nothing and still know it's already done, download TikTok again, fuck it!!! If you see something that doesn't align with your reality, walk straight past it, deny it, laugh about it as if it were something completely outside of your reality. You don't need to hide or avoid things because you already know who you are. That's all that matters.

If you want to talk more about it with me so we can deal with it more together, send me an ask with your username so I can DM you 🫶🏻

[jollyr4ancher]

This is just a small episode, nothing big.

I wanted to start with Troy cuz im re watching FTWD, and I had completely forgotten how attractive that man is😛

Third person Pov

She had come back from a hunt and was slightly taken aback by the unknown man in her kitchen.

There was a small cough, a fake one just to attrack the attention of the guy with his back turned to her. It seemed that it went completely over his head, so the girl spoke.

"Don't you feel like an intruder?" Her tone was curious, clearly being sarcastic as she looked over at the taller man who seemed to be rummaging through her pantry, he completely ignored her until the soft click of her gun made him turn around to glance over at her.

"May I at least know your name before you rob me?"

She tried speaking to the quiet man but once again, he didn't answer, not until she shot the wall near his head, he cringed slightly at the loud sound and the small noice of some pebbles from the stone wall hitting her counter top, but he quickly composed himself, rasing his hands in surrender, a mocking grin on his face.

"I have better aim when i want to, I can promise you that... your name?"

"Troy.. my name is Troy" He finally answered one of her questions.

"Well, Troy.. you're in my house right now.."

"Someone in your house should be the last of your worries when there are walking corpses eating the living" He spoke once again, his hands falling to his sides as he chuckled.

"You don't have a weapon on you.. how have you managed to survive without one?.. since that's impossible, i'll just assume you lost yours, " She muttered as she looked him over, her gaze analysing, judging but not uncaring, never cold. She was still human after all. The girl moved towards him, careful, despite not seeing a weapon on him. Her lips were moving but Troy didn't listen to what she was saying, he could hear her, he was too busy staring at her, his blue eyes raking over her face, the shape of her eyes, the minuscule scar above her eyebrow, the way her nose scrunched up in annoyance and the scoff on her lips before he received a hard slap across the face, making his head turn and gain focus as quickly as he had lost it. He brought his hand up to touch the side of his face, his tired eyes widening slightly. It was like she had slapped the fatigue off him.

"I asked you a question, Troy.. do you have a camp?" She asked again, her gun still, her hand steady as she pressed the barrel against his stomach, her eyes locked into his, she didn't trust him, he looked dangerous even while unarmed, he was taller than her, stronger than her and probably faster too but she was armed, a bullet and he would drop, bending her finger was all it took for her to win their uncommenced fight.

"Not anymore.. I was forced to leave after an altercation.. they threw me out for defending myself, " He lied. Although she would never know, why would she need to know? Lying came naturally to him and unless she knew people in the ranch, which was highly improbable, because she seemed like the type of person to avoid any form of human life or interaction, she didn't have to know.

"If you're gonna stay, you'll have to pull your own weight.. it's just me and my dog, and I don't mind going back to being only us.." She warned him as she holstered her gun, staring up at him for a solide minute, her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she took a few steps back after she watched him nod his head.

"You can start by cleaning the kitchen.." She said quietly as she turned to leave the room.

"I never got your name." he stopped her, barely moving from where he was.

"I don't think it matters," she breathed out in an annoyed tone, rolling her eyes in mild irritation before turning to look back at him

"If I'm going to stay, I'd like to know how to address you.." They argued back and forth for a little while, his hand going up to caress the back of his neck, the shit eating grin on his lips never leaving.

She looked up at him, shifting her weight onto her other leg, her hand resting on her hip, over her gun. "...Y/n.."

"It's a.. pleasure.."

[c0ffinbabie]

Some of my vents

Im so insecure Abt everything I hate myself so much I can't stop crying I feel bad for my emotions BCS my mum says some ppl have it worse which that makes me feel like I don't matter everyone is leaving me and I'm not sure why when all I need and want is ppl to like me I've always wanted that but it seems like everyone hates me I just wish one person would appreciate and love me idc if it's platonic or romantic love I just want to be liked by someone

I've felt like I'm a shitty person and everyone is is against me for months everyday I think of suicide almost every hour I just don't want to wake up I can't do this anymore I'm sad all the time and I can't do anything to fix that I miss ppl I used to talk to ppl everyday now I don't see anyone at all I miss being around ppl despite me hating being near ppl

I feel like throwing up all the time I constantly think of my weight ppl has absolutely broke me where at this point I'm throwing up after every meal I always think of hurting myself or hurting someone else I wish I didn't think like that I feel like I'm a terrible person

i just want to know what real love feels like. all my relationships have been one sided it was like I was the only one that was in love I was just another person to use. I have no idea what family love is one minute I'm being yelled and screamed at for something that was an accident. being called stupid and other names then 5 minutes later they're nice to me I hate that shit. anyone who does that is fake. I just want to be loved by someone who actually cares about me I'm so tired of falling in love but no one wants me ik I'm ugly but i try to be nice i just want more friends no one talks to me i feel alone. I've asked myself so many questions of why don't ppl like me like "am I annoying" "am I too ugly" "am I too fat" and many more questions. I wish I was pretty and had a nice body like the people I see why can't I be 80 pounds instead of what I am I'd be so much prettier and maybe ppl would talk to me especially if I had a pretty face. I've tried looking pretty by using makeup but it never works I'm still ugly. I just want to be pretty and loved.

i wish I could talk to someone Abt how I feel without them yelling ik my therapist wouldn't yell but I'd be sent to a hospital and I don't want that to happen so I guess I'll have to deal with all my thoughts myself I lie to everyone that I'm fine but it's getting worse. I want to vent Abt what's bothering me but I don't know how to put it into words. I wish ppl would believe me maybe if they listened I wouldn't be thinking Abt suicide every hour every minute even every second of the day. I want to get better but I find comfort in my illness BCS that's all I know BCS I've felt like this forever and probably always will

either I'm so happy I'm out of my mind happy or I want to kill myself there's no in-between but sometimes I feel numb it's like no matter how fun or exciting something is I don't feel happy I just feel nothing. but at the same time I have so many complex emotions that I don't know how to deal with so I cut them out and I won't let myself feel big emotions. I know I can't always be happy but I want true happiness I want to feel good Abt myself but how can I feel good Abt myself when I don't even look good

i want to leave this life so bad I hate the things I have to go through Ive been tired for a while I think it's finally time I do something Abt it I'm starting to make a plan to take my own life I want to do it with a gun so my face will be even more messed up so I'll have a closed casket I don't want ppl to look at me it makes me feel uncomfortable it makes me start to think they're judging me and that hurts. I wish I could see a future where I am loved and wanted but I don't see that happening I hope I'm successful when I do it I'm not sure when I'm still waiting on the perfect time no one understands why I'd want to take my own self it's BCS I'm tired of trying my best but it's never good enough no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm so ugly I deserve to die I've done horrible things there for I deserve to die. I think Abt death every day and the thought of being dead brings me so much joy I can't even describe how freeing it feels I want to die but at the same time I want to be saved and get better and be loved but I know that won't happen. plus no one would actually care if I die

why does everyone hate me did I do something wrong I don't think I did I probably did tho everything I do is not the right way according to ppl I wish I was like others having real friends good relationship with family why don't I have that am I just not worthy enough of that what did I do wrong how can I make things right I don't want to be hated I really dont but i want to be myself but i guess everyonr hates my interests how i look how I act how i sound my opinions. why can't someone just accept me for who I am. all I want is friends but I'll meet someone and they seem nice so I start to trust them then they start being distant or mad at me for something I don't even know why they're mad then they leave and I'm alone again. I just real friends who will support me no matter what

I wish I was pretty if I was pretty maybe everyone wouldn't hate me if I had a nice body ppl would talk to me but I know I don't deserve that but I still want it I want ppl to actually like me I still want good things to happen even if I don't deserve it. I wish I looked like all the other ppl I see they're so pretty and I would look like a ran over basketball next to them. my body looks horrible but somehow ppl still use me for my body. I don't understand why do they want sex and nudes if they don't actually want me especially since there's other ppl who are pretty and does have a nice body. why am I always being used ppl only get with me so they can have sex then they leave and the next day they have a girlfriend who is so pretty, prettier than I'll ever be. is it wrong to want to be pretty have a nice body have friends a lover BCS I'm starting to think it's wrong ik I don't deserve anything like that but I wish I did. the things id do just to be liked

I wish I was numb inside again life was a bit more easier I didn't have to deal with big emotions like I have to now I didn't care if ppl thought I was wierd BCS why would their opinions matter when I already knew it was a fact how would it hurt. now all I think is what do others think of me. did I say something in the wrong way? is my voice wierd? am I letting out to much emotion? am I being annoying? is my topic I want to talk Abt boring or interesting? and a lot of other questions cross my mind. I always feel really sad or upset I want to be numb or happy nothing else I just don't want to deal with big emotions of sadness anymore

sometimes I think I'd be better off dead it'll make everyone happy and they wouldn't have to deal with me being a burden anymore. and I wouldn't have to feel judged or hated anymore I'd be at peace for the first time ever

no matter how hard I try it's never enough why can ppl just accept MY best I'm not going to be the best at everything I try so hard but it's never enough for anyone I always try my best no matter what it is but it's never enough

I'm so tired of looking at pretty ppl on TikTok Instagram I'm so jealous of them they look like they could play a goddess in a movie mean while I don't even have an ounce of beauty. I hate seeing skinny bodies but at the same time I can't stop looking at them wishing it was me and comparing myself.

i want to leave this place. I don't want this body and life anymore it's been nothing but shit so why would I even be excited for an other day another week another year why should I be excited when it's just got worse I don't want to be here anymore I'm so close to ending it all

i would do anything just to know what real happiness is and how it feels. I either feel okay, angry, depressed, or numb. I'm so tired I just want to be happy but I don't think that's ever going to happen.

I tried to method of "fake it until you make it" it's shit it doesn't help if anything it makes it worse. suicide never leaves my mind and I don't see it completely leaving ever. I'm so close to actually committing I have ideas on how but I don't have a direct plan yet. I think death is the only way to make this feeling completely stop and I'm not scared to die matter of fact I want to die. I wish I could live but I'm sure my life isn't going to get any better than it already has BCS it keeps getting worse

I'm so tired mentally I'm drained I can't take it anymore everyone makes me think bad Abt myself and I'm starting to realize it's all true. I am dumb and annoying. I am a waste of space. even my friends will call me ugly and shit in me Abt my appearance. I will always be used for my body and I don't know why. my body is horrible they probably only do it to get a laugh by making me think Im pretty even for half a second. I always knew I wasn't popular girl or model pretty but I didn't think I was actually ugly until I was around 8 then I realized I am ugly and I've tried everything to try to at least feel pretty but it never works. ppl will always point out my insecurities even if it's a joke it still hurts. I starve myself in hope to lose weight so I'll be a bit more attractive. I realized how replaceable I truly am. of course it hurts to realize but there becomes a time where you got to realize the worst. I'm starting just to accept that I don't have any point in this world.

ever so mentally tired you want to sleep to get away from the bad things happening but you can't sleep BCS you can't stop thinking Abt it and it keeps you awake. You're so mentally tired you can't even tell when you're physically tired anymore I just want to get away

I'm so fucking tired of falling in love it never works out I try everything I know but no one ever wants me. I love him so much but he probably doesn't even like me. I can't take this anymore I just want love but I know I'll never get it or feel it. is it just I don't deserve it? what did I do wrong? I try so hard to keep people but they keep leaving and I can't take this anymore.

why doesn't he love me the way I love him? what am I doing wrong? is it BCS I'm not pretty enough I just want to know I know if I find out it'll hurt but I want to fix it

why can't I be pretty? I want a better body I'm so tired of either getting used or being judged. I wish I was pretty I'd do anything to be pretty but ik that's impossible I'll never be pretty or lovable. I want love and happiness my entire life but I can't find it. I think I'll be on my own for my life BCS I'll always just be a hump and dump

reasons I hate myself

face shape- too fat, not sharp jawline, my double chin

eyebrow- shape is weird,not thick enough

forehead- too big, hairline low-key weird but I like the small bald spot like from my life before

nose-too small, want a turned up nose but in a masculine way(I think it's cute but on someone else)

lips- needs to be fuller and darker pink

skin- why TF do I only get giant pimples in the same spots the middle or in my eyebrows, my lips, my nose bridge and edge of nostril, chin and my face is so red

neck- I have these weird lines

shoulders- not broad enough

upper arms- extremly fat, no muscles

forearm- no veins and fat,

hands- fat, too small, short chubby fingers

chest- OMG don't even get me started I HATE my boobs I can't wait to get them removed they ruin me they ruin who I am, inverted nipple, nipples are too big, not dark enough

stomach- fat, needs to be so flat my ribs chest bones and hip bones are showing

hips- why tf are they so wide like just let me be a box

thighs- too fat, not enough scars, scars aren't "bad enough" for me(need the scars every and any where on me)

calves-fat

feet-bottom is fine, top is fat and toes look weird

back - rolls, not masc

I want help but I don't know how to ask and when I finally do they don't give two shits or just gets mad at me or says dry things. am I even important? I feel like nothing I say is worth to care about. at lunch I'd talk and they'd look at me then say usually something mean(they're gonna say it's a joke but idk) and turn around and talk to the others. my friends and family always talk over me. it's like I'm invisible. would it even matter if I died? would it be any different? no one cares no one ever did. but thank you to those 4 ppl who made me feel like I belong i love y'all with all my heart soul and everything

i want to die. I'm not scared I never was. it seems peaceful I want to be at peace I want to know what peace is and the only way I can find out is to die. death welcomes me with open arms

why am i like this. I wish ppl would like me I wish I was like the others I wish ppl took the time to get to know me. expect everyone just judges me. I can't do anything without thinking of the judgment I'd receive. I can't keep or even make friends. I love talking but I can't. I can't even form words. I'm such a damn loser. what 17 yr old can't give their order or even say hi to a classmate? no wonder no one likes me.

everytime i get hurt I want revenge and I do things out of impulse or get violent thoughts. i wish I wasn't like this I feel like a psychopath. it doesn't even have to be on purpose. for example someone could say they don't want to talk and I'll think of hurting myself in front of them. ive had the thought to stand up on a table at school yell "look at me" as loud as possible and then shoot myself to show them what they did. I feel crazy I wish I was normal but at the same time I love this and it turns me on

I needed to get this out

[virgoitgirl-blog]

making a decision regarding yourself, whether you should push forward and exceed your limits or give yourself a break can be challenging sometimes.

say I’ve been working too hard on something and I started feeling exhausted thinking that “I must have reached my limit I can’t do this anymore” the one thought that comes to mind in this situation is: did I really “reach my limit”? What if I pushed forward? What if I forced myself to continue? what if I was harder on myself and therefore I was actually able to continue and focus? Maybe I’ll be tired at first but then I’ll go through just with a little more pressure on myself, what if it’s like climbing a mountain and wanting to back but you tell yourself maybe just a few more and ill be there at the top of the mountain thanking myself for putting in that effort.

But then I think what if my body really needs rest? What if it’s my body calling for help? giving me signs to give it a little break? What if I decided to put in effort and it caused a burnout and made things worse? So now I need a break, rest, and to give myself time to recover? This would be even harder when I NEED to push through, when I don’t have time to baby myself and give myself rest.

Yes rest is essential and imperative but moving forward with my goals is much more important to me…you can always have rest but sometimes your goals have deadlines, you can only achieve them within a limited time.

You can never know if you’re making the right decision...

okay so all of this in the top was written by me about 2-3 months ago and left as a draft. today i got the urge to take a look at my drafts and i passed by this... after these months i got the answer to what i was questioning and i feel emotional (lol dramatic i know) BUT these past few weeks I've been overworking myself so bad that i got myself into a massive burnout which also led my immune system to reach the floor which also got me ill (surprising? no) . so what happened exactly? its the greed to succeed lol...i started the semester not feeling like myself, having low passion and more (mind you im one of the top three students) i don't know how it all happened but i found myself skipping classes, getting help from students in classes when i don't even ask (big indicator that something was wrong), and the last straw which got me back to my senses is seeing how most students were ahead of me (i know i skipped classes...and this isn't about comparing myself to others its about feeling or realizing how lost i was), the professor asking questions and everybody but me knowing the answers. i finally woke up and told myself "you're being average right now you cant fail your classes how come everyone knows but you don't?" (beating myself up...bad i know) i was fuming on the inside, so i started spending my whole time studying, having sleepless nights, surviving on caffeine, eating poorly, attending classes while having little to no sleep. people were telling me that im being too hard on myself but i didn't see that i truly did not, actually i was telling myself the exact same words i wrote above two months ago, i was putting more and more pressure on myself saying "im not tired i just think i am" "im not doing the bare minimum", i was also afraid of leading myself to a burnout then having to get rest which looked like a delay from what i wanted to achieve ...but guess what happened? the delay. i led myself to a burnout, i had to get rest because i couldn't work and focus well, my body was crying for help...this taught me a really good lesson, rest is the most important thing, and giving yourself rest doesn't mean you're delaying your goals you're actually making more energy for your goals. align rest with your goals and their deadlines to achieve the best. and be less harder on yourself and listen to your body, always. now im slowly giving myself time, telling myself that the process isn't linear, im slowly making progress but im telling myself that its okay because this is essential for my wellbeing.