#i don't know shit about computers
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can't believe you used perl as the obscure coding language smh
It's not obscure it's just specialized! Perl is a nerd language for nerds
#I did my little wikipedia rabbit hole and that was the best I could come up with#I don't know shit about computers#everything I know abt computers and hacking comes from watch dogs 2
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>get fancy new drawing tablet! Yay!
>it need to plug into an htmi
>no problem I have a second port
>it won't go in...
>IT WON'T GO IN!!!
#help!#i don't know shit about computers#BUT I KNOW THAT SHOULD FIT RIGHT?!#WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BREAK IT IF I PUSH IT TOO HARD!?
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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When I find it hard to do certain things, I like to pretend I am a neanderthal living in a cave with my clan, and I must do The Thing in order to survive.
So, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, I'm actually chasing and tracking a mammoth, and when I need to cook, well, I'm not cooking on a stove top, I am hurdled over the first fire and watching the fat of our kill drip down onto the burning wood. And when I find it hard to crochet, I pretend that the first winter storm is coming and our clan needs me to make blankets to hurdle under and that I must contribute.
I hope whatever you do to do The Things will help. It is a uniquely personable trait to motivate yourself through pretend and stories. That's what makes this life interesting - that's what makes you feel larger than yourself 💛
#mental health#positivity#it helps that i absolutely adore learning things about ancient people too - it's endlessly fascinating#unironically if somebody has textbook/video recommendations about neanderthals/ancient civilization let me know i will froth at the mouth#i like talking about this because it gives other people ideas about how they can motivate themselves#and personally the feeling of being ancient or a part of something old makes me feel that#in addition to the There Are 8 Billion People principle i work on the There Have Been ~117 Billion People Here principle#i find it comforting to think that i don't stand out significantly in a good or bad way because of the sheer NUMBER of people who have live#the human brain is bad at computing those numbers but... just... that's an insurmountable number#there truly are very VERY few experiences truly unique and that's not a bad thing#that just means that you aren't forgotten nor are you alone in anything#i was watching a video about somebody making flax into thread using a paper that was published about ancient textiles#and holy shit i wanted to bite somebody because i was so interested in it and it's just so humanizing to both us but also ancient people#those people probably used very very similar techniques that the video maker did - at first she used a rock to get the fibers#and then she remarked that saliva helped to get to the fiber of the flax and i wonder how many ancient people also did that
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...am I just losing my mind or did yer icon become evil? I don't remember that BeAst behind Boe
yuuuump always been behind me
#ask#anon#pazuzu's just been there since the beginning#mainly because my avatar use to be of 2D in front of the d-sides album cover. or atleast one of the covers#and i had a lot of transparent edits of 2D over that cover#but when i had Boe made. i put him over it instead and i just kinda kept it like that cause i thought the colours together were really nice#as for the blurry swirls. i just like doing simple effects in paintdotnet#i don't really imagine them as much besides the blurriness of the minds eye. like this is how you'd see the inside of my brain maybe.#or not really my brain. boes minds eye maybe.#i don't know if i have a ''lore explanation'' for pazuzu in Boe's life in limbo/hell#or specifically in relation to Boe i mean#i'd still like to actually visualize what limbo looks like. or specifically the area in limbo in which Boe lives#which is just an old manor in the middle of nowhere. with old computer crts and keyboards in the mud of his back yard#dark purplish skies with maybe blueish roaming fields with no horizon#i do have a map file of me trying to create what i imagine to be Boes house but i've only blocked out his porch#i've got a loose idea of what the layout of his house's interior is like but nothing solid honestly#the reason he lives in an old manor is due to mystery case files: ravenhearst. inspiration-wise#use to play that growing up from bigfishgames. fucking love the look of that manor and the intense mess that resides within#i think i also think about the Gorillaz' o green world phase where they had kong studio's absolutely trashed with junk and shit#did actually buy MCF Ravenhearst the other day actually. specifically for higher res ref images of rooms#played a little of it the other day but i was so tired for most of that day so i didnt play for long#anyway. thank you for the ask anon :) yeah he's always been there. pazuzu kinda just blends into the background i think
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Not sure what it says about me that I am more alarmed people don't know how to download files from Google Docs than I am about Google's policies.
#fuckery#i keep hearing about how younger generations don't understand how to use computers#but seeing examples of it on my dash wooooo boy#granted#google drive's structure is a perfect example of why it happens#and why i hate using it#the sharing features being so convenient are about the only things it has going for it as far as i'm concerned#organizing files is cumbersome and unintuitive#finding things is atrociously and needlessly difficult#THIS IS WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND FILE STRUCTURE AND ORGANIZATION#word has plenty of flaws don't get me wrong#but i know where my shit is#and moving it around is really simple#i think i'm losin the thread here#ANYWAY
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the funniest thing about having to report fraud on my credit card today was the girl on the phone listing all my transactions to me to see if i recognized them and literally 100% of them were all media purchases liiiiike wow I really have 1 hobby and 1 hobby only don't I
#it was like#netflix? prime? criterion channel? disney+? youtube?#yep yep yep yep all me#cineplex? nintendo? local bookstore? kindle? patreon?#yep all me as well#also the awkward moment where i had to confirm i paid for tumblr this month lol like who does that#literally i think the only purchases she listed that werent me being a nerd about media consumption was my car insurance and phone bill#anywayz someone used my credit card to buy something that was 540 dollars on amazon today!!!!#locked that shit down#they bought a deep cut band saw that they were trying to send to a suburban house in whitby ontario#the way in which i can literally google street view the asshole's home who stole my shit because they added their address to my account...#i dont know how they got it but MAYBE this will force me to get a new computer since i know outdated ones are bad for getting scammed on#somebody was also selling all my 1 cent stupid steam trading cards with my steam account last night#i cant even use frikkin steam to play games right now yet i can still get scammed on there apparently argh. so many passwords to change#i wish they'd do away with that fuckass steam trading card system#like i don't even care about those at all but that's the second time that this has happened to me now#p
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#shedinja#now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever#y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think#you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is#so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago#and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months#i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago#by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up#while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease#and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for#if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear#i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur#spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next#also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there#because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE#you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there#you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here
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the worst thing about me being a Gen Z with a Gen X father is that i routinely use Gen Z slang & internet lingo around him to the point that he's able to accurately parse what it all means. AND THEN HE GOES AND USES IT AT WORK TO IMPRESS HIS TWENTY SOMETHING COWORKERS
#my dad is a manager at *insert big tech company here* so he works with a fair amount of recently out of college computer science majors#and they're like 'oh haha it's fine john's really smart and stuff but he is kinda old'#but then my dad starts talking like some gen z teenager and they're like 'wah??'#and of course he has to tell them he knows this shit because of me#his gen z child#like when i tell you all his coworkers know about me is that 1) i teach him slang 2) am a stem major and 3) i have pink hair#like what picture does this paint of me?#like. y'all. he told them he knew what rizz means#how am i supposed to recover from this#wrote this ages ago and now i don't even have pink hair anymore#oh well have this silly little post that's been rotting in my drafts for weeks#not good omens#shitposting about the stuff my dad does will never not be funny to me#personal#personal post#random
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it sucks that so much of my family has also dealt with cancer but it's really lovely that they were able to give me warnings about things
#a friend of mine just had a computer glitch and lost a bunch of work and i said it sucked and i'm sorry and asked if he could email his prof#and he's i think just really upset about it as i would be too bc that does suck so bad#but i don't have the energy to commiserate. i feel like a steaming pile of shit right now. i only got home 30 minutes ago from the hospital#and i have to go back tomorrow and then spend the rest of the day probably feeling like this while also having to go to another appointment#bc i need to get my earrings changed out so i can take them out for my body scan#and then going home with earl and setting up. and finally getting a bday gift to my friend as well and dropping that off#i feel increasingly gross and sick rn and this was just one injection#but my relatives were like 'listen. no one in your life is going to get this unless they've had cancer. and it sucks but that's how it is'#and i'm just very glad i got that heads up because i'm getting a lot of love and support from relatives now#esp the ones who also dealt with cancer#but it's just been radio silence from friends. and i get it i get they have their own lives and might not know what to say#but it does still hurt a little#i do have one friend who has been lovely and accommodating with the diet i have to be on#but my other best friend is just. i think with his school he has his own friends and his own life but. yeah. it just hurts a little#maybe i'm being irrational idk. something to discuss with my therapist today at our appointment#not everything is about me etc etc#this is the same friend who lost his work that i mentioned in the tags#cancer tw
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silly mspaint hana I scribbled today
#shaman king#shaman king flowers#hana asakura#goose draws#context for this is that I wanted to make a silly haha swapping my favourite two teenage haters#and I don't think hana would know SHIT about computer programming
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MGSV really is *so* misogynistic it is honestly hard to believe. It has ONE named female character, just one. And holy shit, the things they make that single woman do.
I don't know what happened. Or how Kojima thought what we was doing was defensible.
I could just link to the introduction of the SKULL snipers from Mission 28 Code Talker but even that I feel is so unbelievable to see with your own eyes that it would exit the mind as soon as it stopped playing.
Literally every criticism made during that era toward's this game is accurate. Every single one.
It might legit be the WORST example of "male gaze," literally literally ever. Out of everything.
If MGSV had outright no women in it whatsoever it would be better than what this is.
The cutscene for when Big Boss comes to Mother Base after not showering was what sealed it for me.
And the fact that there were people back then who thought they could defend this perhaps makes it even more deranged.
#mgsv#completely incoherent post#I love love love playing this game but holy shit#It is fucking unbearable.#Play it on your computer with the mod 'Take Me of the Grid + No More Timers + Free Deployment' installed#The game is legitimately hot garbage without it.#what the fuck happened to result in the difference between how woman are treated in this game and then... Death Stranding?????#Wtf???????#its inexplicable#Kojima; as skilled a designer and director as he certainly is#is absolutely also a misogynist#I think MGSV is the hard fucking proof frankly#You can't make this. AND whine about how people refused to like it. That shit definitely counts augh my god#still a completely incoherent post#aough#i cant even put the words together#the actual moment to moment core gameplay is so fun its ridiculous#but oh my god everything else is SO so bad#how can I even like it?#I don't know. I do. but somehow maybe I should not ldjfjskjfsjkdf#dfjkbgjkdbflglbksbkfgbjkdsfbgbdfgbkjbjkdfbjkg#and it's still stupid as hell that you can't fulton yourself like you do in Peace Walker. Literally just to make you waste more GMP#to force you to depend on the online features. Which gives you millions of GMP at the drop of a hat#Evil game
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looking at new phone options is sooooo rage inducing
#toy txt post#i dont need one yet but i will before the next 4 yrs or whatever likely. so im trying to suss out options. and god is it fucking bleak out#there. for one thing the reviewers reviewimg the phones dont seem to understand that 'its full of ai!!' is the opposite of a selling point#to me. that is a con. that is bloatware to me#i dont even want to deal with updated android. that alone fills me with dread.#and then im trapped by the fact that no one wants to include aux ports#i wiiiiiiish i could like. Build Shit the way ppl do with computers#or like mod it. or smth. i am Determined. i do not want a phone that doesnt have an aux port#i know about the dongles i know about wireless headphones and headphones with usbc. i don't want those. i want 3.5mm jack#and im extremely mad that fairphone doesnt have one??? its bad enough they give me an iphone vibe and then.#all the ones that have a jack dont exactly upgrade RAM from my current phone. so i should just find another of these brand new then?#except no. if i do a lateral move i should at least get one thats more repairable..#its all just so stupid and it doesnt have to be and that pisses me off
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I think the absolutely most baffling thing to me that I've noticed in the AI generated image discourse is that people seem to think that artists don't make any compromises or sacrifices ever and live perfect, comfortable lives where things just happen to align perfectly for them to have the time to create art that perfectly aligns with their vision
"I don't have the time to draw" do you really know if artists simply have the time to draw or on the contrary, have to sacrifice something to gain that time to draw? can you be so sure that they don't have to deal with hardships to gain the time to draw? or, they have the time to draw because they can't do something else in their lives due to their circumstances, and drawing is the only thing that will fill this time?
"I can't create stuff that meets my vision" how can you be so sure that the stuff artists create meets their vision? do you really think this art was their vision from the absolute beginning? or did they actually have to make compromises to reach this specific look, which maybe wasn't what they aimed for to begin with? can you even be sure if the medium they spend the most time on is the medium they intended to pick up from the beginning, or is it a medium they've had to pick up to compromise for not picking up another art form they wanted to stick to in the first place due to myriads of reasons?
you folks seem to make a lot of assumptions about people you don't personally know
#hazy rambles#anti ai#anti ai art#ai discourse#i had a dogshit laptop for some time years ago and had to make tons and tons of compromises when using it for drawing#like merging layers etc bc that laptop lacked processing power#it would shit itself every time i drew something bigger than 1000x1000 pixels with 10+ layers#so i had to constantly merge layers whenever drawing bc else it would lag like hell#couldn't even listen to music on that thing while drawing bc it would just chug#so i had to make lots and lots of compromises and learn different techniques due to these compromises#hell me using computer to draw is a compromise in a way!#i did lots and lots of traditional art before getting into digital art!#and digital art is a whole lot more practical for me bc traditional art supplies can take up a lot of space#something which i don't have a whole lot of#and i know many people can relate#anyways when i look at all of those roadblocks and obstacles people mention as justification for not drawing#and just gravitating towards AI generated images instead of making compromises or pick up another medium as an outlet#sorry not sorry but i don't think you actually /want/ to create art#you just want pretty pictures and don't understand the process behind the creation process to begin with#art is not about the destination but the journey#and if you're not willing to put up with the journey to reach the destination then art simply isn't for you#and i'm sorry but i have to be a little mean about this#especially when i've had to put up with people making lots of assumptions about me as if they personally knew me
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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.
#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me#i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu#to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked#but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago#so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer#and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get#she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is#that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist#i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because#i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy#of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with#i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless#but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it
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why the fuck is it that some people cant seem to acknowledge that people can just... be disabled. not through any fault of their own, not because something "happened" to them, just because, you know, sometimes people have disabilities. like, come on
#.pdf#rd#kd#just a warning these tags are long. like. really incredibly long. i had thoughts.#sorry for the vague ass post i'm just upset about some stupid shit my dad said yesterday.#namely: outright telling me that he doesn't believe i have non-24 (circadian rhythm disorder).#and that even if i do he doesn't believe it's possible for it to actually be a lifelong and disabling condition.#*also: this post isn't meant to imply that disabilities that did have some inciting incident are more accepted or anything.#it's just that i'm frustrated with the “you're disabled? why? what happened?” sentiment a lot of people seem to have.#nothing happened to cause my disability. i'm just like this. no i can't change it. what the fuck do you want me to tell you?#i'd guess it probably has to do with society's focus on work and productivity and career-mindedness above all else.#and when someone comes along that doesn't fit in with the way things are structured it just doesn't compute.#because the idea of people who can't dedicate their entire lives to working is so fundamentally contradictory to their view of... i don't-#-know. meaning in life? fulfillment? that they feel a need to reject the possibility altogether.#this is mainly when dealing with invisible disabilities from what i've seen. because i think there's a tendency to view visibly disabled-#-people as belonging to a different category altogether. which of course is its own issue but i'm not visibly disabled so i don't feel-#-like it's necessarily my place to speak on that.#anyway. i just want my struggles to be acknowledged as real. because they are. and i need people to understand that I Have A Disability.#albeit one many people don't even believe could be real because there's a sort of belief that circadian rhythms are purely a product of-#-external forces like sunlight so “you can't possibly have yours be different and have you tried just going outside more?” sigh.#sorry i also just remembered my dad telling me he doesn't believe i can have something so rare because the chances of having it are too low.#which is some ridiculous logic to me. rare doesn't mean it's impossible. some amount of people have to wind up with it regardless.#i just lucked out i guess.#n24 tag
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