#i don't know how to keep things short sorry :(
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⋆˚。⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑶 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏, 𝑴𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏. ˚୨✧୧⋆。˚⋆
CAPTAIN CURLY SMUT HEADCANNONS !! NSFW under the cut. MDNI.
(These are all completely random, not tied to any prompt. I just want more stuff about this guy cuz I love him) Fandom/characters: Mouthwashing, Captain Curly, other characters briefly mentioned.
Content warning: Smut (obviously), p in v, curlys packing, title kink, thigh-riding, face-sitting, size difference, manhandling, reader is AFAB, creampie, multiple rounds, riding, cursing, J*mmy.
-He's a grower, not a shower.
I firmly believe Curly is a distinguished gentleman, unlike J*mmy who would most likely brag about how big he is and end up only being like, 5 or 6 inches. Curly, however, will not mention his size until you see it for yourself. And when he sees your face, he panics. "Oh-shit, uh- i-is it gonna be too big for you? It's okay if it is, I should've warned you.."
He's four inches soft, uncut. I think he keeps himself decently groomed. He's not completely bare, but it isn't a forest. He's got a little v-line that's only visible when he wears sweatpants that you go absolutely feral over. When he gets hard, whoo boy. 9 inches, throbbing. He's got a cute little vein near his tip that you like to attack when you're sucking him off because it makes his thighs shake. He's got a little bit of a mushroom tip, maybe more rounded. Perfect for hitting all those good spots inside you. In short, he's big. (he tucks it, that's why he doesn't have a bulge in his sprites. Also I'm sorry trans-Curly headcannon people ;-;)
-"Need a seat? I'll volunteer."
VEEEEEERRRYYY into face-sitting. Very. Like, the first thing he wants when you guys get freaky is for you to sit on his face. He's not exactly sure why he likes it, to be honest, he just loves the feeling of you absolutely lose yourself on his tongue. He isn't worried about suffocating or anything, since he's a lot bigger than you, so don't be afraid to ride his face! he can handle it! But seriously, use this guy as a seat. He'd give you a few licks up your slit at first to warm you up (again, gentleman) before going for your clit. And when he gets it, he sucks. Hard. He'd also probably sneak a finger or two inside you to add extra stimulation, because he really wants you to come on his face. He desperately yearns for the sound of you screaming his name as your juices cover his face and tongue, letting you ride your orgasm out before lifting you off his face and setting you down. "Alright, sweet-stuff, my turn. On your knees, please."
-Save a Polle, ride his big ass thighs.
So... we've all seen his sprite. He's thick as fuck. He's got a booty and bigger tits than me. But he also has deliciously large thighs.. so use that to your advantage, because he's totally down with it. He likes using it as foreplay to get you wet enough to take him, and he just likes the feeling. He'll probably give himself a hand while you're doing it, or he'll just watch and leave the touching to you.
He isn't much for public sex, but if you're really horny, he'll let you get high on his thigh over his uniform and gently praise you when you come. It gives him a little buzz to be doing something like that in a risky situation, like while he's in the cockpit sitting at the control panel, or even in the commons of the ship with Daisuke in a few rooms away. When you do come, which isn't that long after, he'll kiss you all over your face and head and twirl your hair in his fingers, using his other hand to rub your ass or back.
"There you go, sweetheart, that's a good girl. Good job."
-Sir yes sir.
I know, I know. He gets called 'Captain' and 'Sir' for his job. But if its coming from you when he's balls deep in you.. It's an entirely different reaction.
"D-did.. you just call me- mgh..- Captain?"
It makes him ferociously horny to hear that title slip from your lips, so pray you'll still walk tomorrow. "Ooh, fuck, yeahhh. Call me that again, baby. Call me that again.. Uh-huh. Captain takin' care of this pretty lil' pussy, huh.."
He doesn't dirty talk that explicitly, but you calling him captain gets his creative juices flowing. Oh, also his come. Yeah..
Its also perfect teasing material. You two couldn't even be getting it on, you'd just sneak up behind him and kiss him on the cheek and say "Morning, Captain!" In that tone you know drives him wild. Boom, hard. Poor guy.
-Yeehaw!
favorite position? Cowgirl. For many reasons. One, he loves looking at your face while you ride his cock. The noises, the facial expressions you make, the way your tits bounce up and down with your hips.. He wishes it was a renaissance painting to look at every morning. He also just likes being able to hold you easily. When you're on his lap, its easier for him to snake a hand up and hold your hair out of your face, or to give your ass gentle love taps (he would never spank you, unless asked to). He's a very hands-on guy and wants to touch you, everywhere he can.
Of course, he doesn't mind the occasional doggy, or missionary, or hell, even a Full Nelson, because you KNOW he's able to hold you like that. Manhandling comes naturally with Curly. Gently, of course. He would never hurt you.
-Gets a little messy.
Curly's no one pump chump. He'll go for hours. Even if he's came inside you at least five times, he'll keep going. He's got hella impressive stamina. His motivation? Seeing your cunt leaking his seed when he pulls out. He wants you to still find it in your underwear 3 days later. No hole goes unfilled. He's not exactly a breeder, per-say, though he definitely wouldn't complain about getting you pregnant, he just likes seeing you in a state. He thinks of it as artwork, leaving you so stuffed to the brim. The next day, he'd pull you aside and give you a quick finger-orgasm, just to see if his come's still in there. When it leaks onto his fingers along with your own, he's a very happy man. "Ahh, look at that. Still got it in ya. Should fill you up even more later, hm?"
oof. my hands hurt. ;-;
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing smut#headcannons#Captain curly#curly x reader#curly mouthwashing#tw jimmy#curly x reader smut#captain curly smut#mouthwashing game#pigeonfic⯎
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Previous post (mini recap)
"Can we talk?"
"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought.
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.
"Of course not...
... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"
"You scared me."
"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”
“... Nothing.”
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
I'm sorry."
"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.”
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
“I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“I know.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”
[Next]
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Hello!
I absolutely adore both your MJTY fics, as well as your new Fangs of Fortune ones! I saw that you opened your asks, so I thought I might throw my idea into the mix 👀
In some nebulous timeline, wherein Yichen does in fact become a demon, writing a fic centered around that transition process and how Zhu Yan guides him through the aspects (physiological and mental) of being a demon. Most importantly, coping with the physical challenges of growing wings + plus the ensuing wing grooming (I am a sucker for intricate rituals ✨)
Anyway, I don’t know if you’d be interested in this prompt, but I thought I’d check anyway!
♥️
A/N: Hullo lovely! Sorry for the late response to this prompt... I hope you'll enjoy my kinda short take on it :) I zeroed in on one aspect of your prompt. It's been a long time since I wrote a wing fic.
A little bit of a reading guide, this was the wing anatomy descriptor I was working with.
--
Xiao Zhuo-daren hums when Zhu Yan begins smoothing down his feathers, tilting his head to the sunshine. There's something ridiculously fond in the way his trust is laid so easily at the great demon's hands. Really, he should be more careful.
Zhu Yan works carefully and slowly. Savouring the way Xiao Zhuo-daren is seemingly content to let him be. It has been a while, much too long in Zhu Yan's opinion, since they'd had time to sit down and groom each other, but they're both guardians of the Wilderness now. There are duties to do, demons to wrangle, and in Xiao Zhuo's case, justice to uphold.
He's not complaining. How could he? Zhu Yan's just very pleased that he isn't alone anymore.
And so, he takes his time. Smooth his thumb over the down of a feather out of place and move his touch higher until he is pressing down on the deltoid, pulling a soft gasp out of Xiao Zhuo.
"When did you catch this injury?" Zhu Yan gently unfolds his healing power, pouring it through to knit back the strained muscle and sinew. He keeps his voice levelled, but he knows Xiao Zhuo isn't fooled one bit.
His Xiao Zhuo-daren is sharp like that.
"Mm. Just a little thing. My mistake really, I misjudged the angle of my landing."
Don't go on a killing spree, you old fool is left unspoken but Zhu Yan hears it loud and clear nonetheless. Pouting a little at being denied bloodshed, he continues until he rubs his thumb against the little spot at the base of Xiao Zhuo's wing, smiling big and wide when the touch elicits the most indecent moan as the body under his hands quivers and shakes.
"Bastard.... You could have left that for our bedroom."
Reaching over, he carefully gathers Xiao Zhuo into his embrace, plying his face with a thicket of kisses. "Yes, but I have missed you and I would like to spoil my consort."
The eye roll he receives is expected, but the true delight is in the way Xiao Zhuo-daren smiles shyly at the tail end of it.
"Come on, your turn." Zhu Yan preens a little, excitedly pulling back to take his place in front of Xiao Zhuo for his own grooming.
#fangs of fortune#fangs of fortune fic#大梦归离#yuanyi#zhao yuanzhou#Zhuo Yichen#gab writes stuff#if it isn't already obvious I am procrastinating at work
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rereading snape's worst memory:
severus is writing A LOT more than the other students around him, so like. he probably does try super hard in all his exams, but defence is clearly one of his favourites i think from this. like he's writing super small and still filling out a lot of the parchment, so he's got a lot to say about the subject, plus he's writing like really fast without stopping
if james is only a short distance away from severus and sirius is in the same row as james, does this mean exam tables aren't set up in alphabetical order? people just sit where they want or something? weird
james' hair is described as messy like 5 times by harry. i don't think we focus on that enough.
girl, pay attention to your exam. we get he's hot, but damn
remus, you're good at dada, stop worrying sm about it. u got this mate
peter having exam anxiety is soooo canon i swear. also i'm giggling at him trying to cheat
doodler!james >>>> also harry not clocking his own mum's initals is kinda sad
ooh guys, should i make stebbins (he's a guy who doesn't put down his quill and continues writing after the exam finishes so flitwick calls him out) florence's boyfriend?? should i actually give 'boyfriend' a name???
honestly, other than the weird seating plan, this is so accurate to gsce exams. like turning around just to do a face or hand gesture to your friend a few seats away when the teacher's not looking? someone always writing after they tell you to stop? laughing at the teacher? waiting for your friends to discuss the paper straight away? its so real
these guys are incapable of being serious. they are all so fucking sarcastic. i love it.
why's severus still enthralled in his exam for???? it's over mate, go fucking relax
unrequited prongstail is real (also james' nicking a snitch?? he's such a weirdo)
severus!! harry literally was describing you as super pale and like you never go in the sunlight.. and then you go and sit in the shade?? it's early summer in scotland, it's not gonna be that fucking hot.
poly marauders are canon? (they were just described as being a foursome)
handsome just keeps getting added to any description of sirius. might start doing this in my fics /j
this is making me realise how canonly accurate the personalities of the marauders are in my fic (i'm only cryptic and machiavellian), and i love that for me
yeah unrequited prongstail is def canon omfg.
"sirius was the only person for whom james would stop showing off". james doesn't need to show off for sirius, because he knows sirius will always be there for him and give him attention anyway aww
remus and james both trying to think up solutions as soon as sirius says he's bored?? i'm giggling.
peter must have been sooo dissapointed that sirius and james stopped hexing people as often... his fav entertainment. gone.
okay i swear i've read this like loads of times before but i never actually realised sirius 'barking with laughter' was how he canonly laughs, i always just write that to be funny, i didn't know it was canon
james constantly looking over at the girls by the lake. like mate, she didn't notice or care about you throwing a snitch in the air but i don't think bullying her friend is any better. like yeah it gets her attention but is that really the kind of attention you want?? oh, you'll take any attention you can get from her? okay, right, fine
peter edging... IM SORRY
"i was watching him" OKAY,, snirius enjoyers are eating today
*smugly grinning* i KNEW james' hair fidgeting thing was an anxious/nervous habit I TOLD YOU ALL
lily's hair is dark red!!! just in case anyone forgot!!
i love remus. disagree with your friend's actions? don't worry! u can always just pretend you're so enthralled in your book you don't even notice what they're doing! just look the other way and you're totally absolving yourself and your friends from any guilt!
i feel like james asked lily out only once before this. like in fourth year of maybe just a couple months before this, and like in a proper fairly private, giving her flowers, asking timidly (well as timid as he can be), and she responded in a fairly similar way to here. so james asking here, is like trying to resolve his own feelings of embarassment about the rejection ig?
lily smiling!!!! oh she's such a cunt i love her (ofc james and sirius are bigger cunts ofc!!!) like girl that's your damn friend getting 'pantsed'. although ig like. it was kinda a norm thing to like do it TO your own friends soo hmm. (btw i put 'pantsed' in brackets since it's not pantsing, like. the point is that severus isn't wearing pants, he's wearing robes. it's robesing...)
sirius and james are too wuss to duel lily <333 cause she'd thrash them <333 (they totally duelled her before and got their arses kicked)
oh severus... u suck so bad... just cause she found you getting robesed funny doesn't mean u should go call her slurs wtf man
go off lily okayyy. her insults/jokes hit harder than all of sirius' ngl (ily sirius you're still funny and got good insults i swear!!)
okay personally lily, i don't think someone who shows off and hexes people who annoy him (which is. maybe just in my opinion) majoritively people who are bigoted/do dark magic, and then someone who calls their supposed best friend a slur in front of like half their peers are as bad as each other...
^also james!! omg mate she noticed you showing off with your snitch and messing your hair up!!! (also furthering my proof that he does it as a nervous act cause he's all nervous around her so does it more often and she just thinks he's showing off)
sirius, now is not the time for your brutal honestly. like that's so real of you and i suffer from the same infliction but still..
#marauders era#marauders#not sure what to tag hmm#snape's worst memory#james potter#sirius black#peter pettigrew#remus lupin#lily evans#won't tag snape in case i get hate for this (even tho i kinda ish stuck up for him a bit sometimes. maybe?
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Are you mine? - Chapter eleven: "The pieces this job takes"
Summary: The Reids welcome little Vinny, and Raven will have to deal with being a sister now. The team has to say good bye to a member, and Spencer will just have to deal with changes one more time. Word count: 11.094 Warnings: This is a painful chapter for Spencer. A/N: Sorry I couldn't post last week, I had an accident (don't worry, I'm ok). I love Anderson's moment to shine in this chapter, and I hate putting Spencer through more trauma. Also, I was so sad writing Raven's tantrum... I totally understand her.
Series' Masterlist - Author's masterlist
Previous chapter | Next chapter (post date: November 13th)
(Y/N)’s point of view
Morgan took six months off after what happened to him. He had to recover mentally and physically, which was neither easy nor fast. I know some things happened to him he wasn’t sharing with us, not even with Savannah. He didn’t want to be a burden for her, and that’s a feeling I can absolutely understand.
We saw him a lot though, which was good. We were there for him the day he and Savanna got married in a beautiful ceremony, and he was there for us the day Vincent was born.
Considering the team was down two members, Hotch couldn’t let Spencer stay at Quantico the last couple of weeks before the baby’s due date. Of course, that means I was in the bullpen when my water broke.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we didn't leave the FBI sooner. I'm fully aware I keep saying the same the entire time, but it’s shocking how things were a hot mess and we never noticed. Why were we so blind?
I wanted to kill Hotch for forcing Spencer to go with the team to solve a case in Alabama when I was so close to my due date. I understood things were critical without Morgan on the team and with me not being able to fly. But yet, you’d expect some humanity. I guess sometimes work comes first for some people.
My water broke as I walked from Garcia’s office to my desk to pick up some files. I froze on my spot and didn’t know what to do for a few seconds. My mind went blank. That was not supposed to happen like that. Not with Spencer away. And definitely not in the middle of the office.
- “Anderson…”- I looked around me and found him at his desk, typing something.- “Sonny, can you help me?”
- “What happened, Reid?”- ever since I married Spencer, he has loved calling me by my new last name.
- “Uhm… can you come over?”
- “Give me a minute.”- and he kept typing, not even looking at me. I didn’t want to yell I was almost popping a baby right there, but my friend wasn’t giving me another chance.
- “I can’t wait. Please.”
- “Come on, Reid.”
- “Agent Grant Anderson, I need you. Now.”- a few other heads turned as my voice filled the bullpen. Anderson turned to me shocked, but I’m guessing my freaked-out face forced him to bite his tongue at whatever he was going to say and he rushed over to me.
- “What… oh shit.”- he looked at the puddle on the floor between my legs and understood it all in a second.
- “Yes.”- I cut him a short smile and took a deep breath. I had to do my best not to freak out too.
- “What now?”- Anderson whispered, remaining calm.
- “I need you to drive me to the hospital. Garcia is busy helping the team.”
- “Ok, do you wanna call Reid first?”
- “First, I wanna call my doctor. And I need to tell Garcia. Spencer is gonna freak out and there is no need to get him worried when this can still take a few more hours.”- I did my best to remain calm knowing as soon as Spencer knew what was happening, he was ditching the team and taking the first flight back home.
- “Ok, you wanna sit down while I get Garcia?”
- “I don’t wanna get the chair all dirty.”- I argued as Anderson moved a chair closer.
- “Don’t be silly, Reid. Sit down, I’ll bring Garcia and your phone so you can dial your doctor, ok?”- I simply nodded and watched him sprint across the office.
Raven took her sweet time when she was born, but not our Vincent. He was ready to take over the world in no time. Contractions hit me hard and I was worried my husband wasn’t going to make it on time to be with me during labor. Did I tell him? Of course not, I knew he was freaking out and I didn’t want to worry him anymore.
Spencer called me as soon as he could. I didn’t get to him the first time I dialed, so he got the news from Garcia when Anderson was taking me to the hospital.
- “I’m ok, honey. I promise.”- I whispered as soon as I heard his voice on the other side of the line.- “Doctor Feldmann is going to be waiting for me at the hospital, and Frank and Mikey are on their way over.”
- “I’ll ask Morgan to go too.”
- “He has his very own pregnant wife to take care of, hun.”- I reminded him, but I could almost see Spencer’s scowl all the way from Alabama.
- “I can’t believe I am not there with you.”
- “It might take a few more hours, so you’ll be ok. We’ll wait for you to start the fun part.”- I joked knowing there was no way I could predict that, but I needed to give Spencer some peace of mind.
- “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll call you when my flight arrives.”- I heard Spencer sigh at the other side of the line and my chest tightened knowing how bad he felt being away from me at that minute.
- “I love you so much honey bunny. Be safe, ok?”
- “I’m so sorry, chipmunk. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
- “I know. Please, take care.”
- “Ok, nugget. Your mom is on her way with Raven, I got you ice, and some marshmallows in case your sugar drops. I think we are covered. Do you have to start pushing already? Shit, I’m not ready for that. Please don’t start pushing yet.”- Frank rushed into my room, nearly hyperventilating. He paced across the room, clearly freaking out, as I stared at him, and the nurse raised an eyebrow.
- “Is he the dad?”
- “Nope-” I replied chuckling- “He is not even the godfather. Just my best friend.”
- “Basically I’m like a brother to you.”- Frank replied right away, and pretended to be shocked - “And I am not Vinny’s godfather? Are you serious? What are you talking about? I feel betrayed.”
- “I told you, it’s gonna be Mikey. You are Raven’s godfather. You can’t have all the kids.”
- “We are not having this conversation right now. You are clearly sedated.”- I chuckled and stared at my friend, who crossed his arms on his chest and looked at me from the end of my bed.
- “You do realize I haven’t gotten anything yet. I am not even…”- but a contraction stopped my words and ended that silly argument. Frank moved quickly to my side and held my hand tight. He didn’t even say a word, he just stared at me, obviously concerned, and waited until the pain had passed.
- “I’m so not having kids.”- he whispered after a few seconds, making me chuckle.
- “That’s ok, just can you check my vagina and see if I’m dilated already?”- I joked and saw the color leaving his face.- “I’m joking! Go out and wait for my mom. I’ll be fine.”
- “No way. I am not leaving you alone. I’m not getting anywhere near your vagina, but I am not leaving you alone until Spencer is here.”
And he didn’t leave. Frank stayed in my room until my husband got there, five hours later. Morgan, Mikey, and my mom kept me company too. They took Raven to get ice cream from the cafeteria and honestly helped me stay sane. Savannah, who was four months pregnant by then, and still dealing with all the nausea and morning sickness, helped keep me sane during the entire time. She was not only my friend, but also a doctor, and that always helped during delivery.
I will always be grateful for the family of friends we’ve created along the way.
Spencer’s point of view
It was a mess, nothing went as planned. I was in Alabama with the team and took the first flight back home. Garcia called me, nearly crying ‘cos she couldn’t go with my wife to the hospital, she had to work the case along with the team. I froze in place for a few seconds, not knowing what to do first.
- “Anderson is gonna drive her to the hospital. I'll be with her as soon as I can.”
- “I’m on my way.”- that was all I could say before I hung up and turned to Hotch.- “I have to leave. Now.”
Morgan, Frank, and Mikey had to take my place in the hospital while I was away. I nearly got into the pilot’s cabin and yelled at him to take us home faster if possible. Those were the longest four hours of my life, it was torture. I thought I was going to go crazy sitting there thinking my wife was alone in a hospital delivering our baby, and all because work forced me to be out of town.
When I finally got to the hospital, I rushed in flashing my FBI badge to everyone and anyone who could even think of trying to stop me. Am I proud of that? No. Do I regret it? Hell no! I just wanted to be with my wife as soon as possible, no matter what.
- “Reid!”- I heard Morgan’s voice as I rushed down the hall, trying to find the right room. He was with Savannah, Mikey, and Raven.
- “Dada!”- she escaped Mikey’s arms and ran to me. I squatted and opened my arms to hold her. - “Mommy said bad words.”
I chuckled at her comment and kissed her forehead as I stood up and walked toward our friends, who stood up as soon as they saw me.
- “I think today we can spare her a few bad words.”- I whispered into my daughter’s ear and heard her giggle.- “Guys, thank you for being here.”
- “Nothing to thank us for”- Morgan replied immediately- “You should put an eye on your pretty girl. She looked like she was about to pop your kid five minutes ago.”- I widened my eyes, gave Raven to Mikey, and ran to the room.
(Y/N)was squatting on a ball, holding her mother’s hand as Frank kneeled beside her, talking nonstop and looking honestly confused.
- “Oh thank god.”- he mouthered the second he saw me. I rushed in and held my wife tight. She grunted and shook in my arms. That’s when I realized how late I was.
- “I’m here, ma cherie. I’m here.”
- “I know. Vincent is almost here too.”- she whispered and didn’t let go. For a few minutes, it was just us holding each other. I wanted to ask her to forgive me for being so late, but words didn’t leave my lips. Instead, I just kept her close to me for a little longer.
- “I’m gonna get the nurse.”- Sofia said, probably to give us some privacy.
- “And I'm gonna leave this room before our friendship is forever scarred with gore scenes I will never be able to forget.”- Frank added and walked to the door.- “I’ll be out with the guys and my goddaughter.”
- “Thank you.”- that’s all I managed to say, but I’ve always been sure he understood the depth of my words. For a few minutes, it was just us. (Y/N)asked me to help her move to the bed, and I wrapped my arms around her to help her support the weight of her belly.
- “Did you tell Hotch I hate him for keeping you away?”- she muttered in the middle of what was clearly a very painful contraction.
- “Yes, I did.”
I did not. It wasn’t necessary, (Y/N)had made it clear before we left for the case that she was never going to forgive Hotch if the baby was born while I was out of town. The entire team knew it, my wife hadn’t been subtle at all. She stood next to the elevator's door before we left for the case, looked him in the eyes, and said: “If the baby is here and Spencer is still away, I won’t be back for work, ever again.”
- “Good.”- she whispered as I helped her sitting on the hospital bed.- “Honey Bunny, I think I’m ready to push.”
- “Wait just a few more minutes. Your mom is coming with the doctor.”
- “Shit, fuck, for Christ's sake! What shitted mother fucker thought this fuckery was in fact fair for women??!- my wife shouted every curse with such profound heart and pain, it was clear she needed more medication. Who knew when she had gotten her epidural.
- “You know, the first thing Raven told me when I got here was how you had said many bad words today.”- I whispered in her ear as I kept rubbing her back, trying to help her through the pain.
- “I fucking told Mikey to take her out, I didn’t want her to be traumatized and watch me losing it in pain.”- (Y/N)seemed mortified.
- “It’s ok, I told her you were allowed to curse a little today.”- Sofia and a nurse walked into the room, and a doctor followed them a few seconds after.
- “Ok Mrs. Reid, your baby boy seems to be ready.”- doctor Feldmann announced as he sat at the end of the bed and checked on my wife.
- “He feels ready as well.”- she mumbled, doing her best to be strong. I just scooped a little closer and held her a little tighter. I’ve never known what to do during delivery but praying and holding her hand tight. Being next to her while she delivers our babies is magical and agonizing at the same time. I will never love the process, not if I know she is going through an excruciating pain and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
It only took thirty minutes and Vincent Spencer Reid was there with us. His soft cries filled the room and my heart stopped. He was so small, so innocent, so vulnerable. Dr Feldmann placed him on (Y/N)’s chest and she caressed his back carefully, as the two of us stared at him with a loving smile on our lips.
- “Hello baby boy.”- she whispered and her voice shook as tears fell from her eyes.- “Aren’t you a pretty boy. My pretty boy.”
- “Hey there, Vincent. I’m your dad. Hello.”- I ran my fingers down his tiny arm and smiled at him.- “I hope you like baseball ‘cos it’s the only sport I’ve managed to learn so far.”
- “Maybe he’ll teach you, look at those hands, they are so big.”- (Y/N)whispered and touched his fist with her index - “Looks like the hand of a basketball player.”
- “Or maybe he’ll be an artist.”- I suggested and (Y/N)looked at me with a bigger smile.
- “I would love that.”- I stared into her eyes and caressed her cheek a few times, then ran my fingers up to her temples, and wiped a little of her sweat off before kissing her.
- “You did you good, ma cheriè. I’m so proud of you.”
- “I’m glad it went well and that he is here. Wanna go tell the rest?”
- “Not yet.”- I whispered and touched Vinny’s back one more time, enjoying the feeling of having my son there with me for the very first time - “Give me another minute of this.”
- “All the time you want.”- my wife answered and chuckled- “We have a son.”
- “We have a son.”- I smiled at those words and tears blurred my vision for a moment. I had a son, and he was perfect. Life was perfect.
Mikey stood up the second he saw me and his smile mimicked mine as I announced Vinny was there and that everything had gone well. He, Frank, and Morgan hugged me, tapping on my back, and congratulating me. Well, us. I smiled at them as I turned to Raven and opened my arms for her. She was cuddled in Sofia's arms and hesitated for a few seconds before moving toward me.
- “Come on birdy. Do you wanna see mommy and meet your brother?”- Sofia kissed her cheek and encouraged her to go with me, but she still wasn’t sure. I held her and kissed her cheek a few times before announcing.
- “(Y/N)said you guys can come in and say hi after Raven meets her brother. He really wanted to hang out with her first.”
- “Of course man.”- Morgan replied.- “Your baby boy has to meet his big sister first.”
- “I’m not big.”- Raven whispered.- “I’m a baby too.”
I should have seen that reaction coming, honestly. Raven hadn’t been excited during the first few months of (Y/N)’s pregnancy. She actually threw a massive tantrum the day we explained to her what was happening. It hadn’t been easy and Frank stepped up as her godfather and helped her see the benefits of having a little brother. However, we knew Raven would get jealous no matter how. And it was our job to show her nothing was going to change.
- “Baby girl, are you ready?”- I whispered as I held my daughter in my arms and started walking to the room. Raven hid her face on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me very tight. I could almost feel her little heart beating hard inside her chest. It was a big day for her. The same as it was for us.
- “Hey birdy!”- (Y/N)whispered from her bed, where she sat, nursing Vincent.- “Vinny was just asking for you.”
Raven’s curiosity was bigger than her fear, clearly, ‘cos she slowly moved her face from my neck and turned to look at her brother.
- “Look, that’s your brother, Vincent.”- I sat next to (Y/N)and Raven moved in my arms, trying to get the closest look she could to her brother. She was silent judging the baby. I kept my eyes on her as she raised her little hand and carefully pressed a finger on his cheek.
- “He is so Squishy!”- Raven whispered and giggled.- “Vinny is squishy!!”
- “Yes, he is. And he is very tiny, are you gonna help us teach him all the fun things we do?”- my wife held Raven’s small hand and placed a kiss on it, making our daughter giggle one more time- “Like singing and playing and having tea parties?”
- “Can he wear a tiara?”- I tried not to chuckle at her question ‘cos she was incredibly serious about it.
- “If he wants to, of course.”
- “Don’t worry Birdy. We are still going out every Saturday morning on our dad and daughter dates.”
- “Just us?”- Raven looked at me and her little eyes shone with excitement.
- “Just us.”- I murmured and kissed the top of her head.
- “Do you wanna hold him?”- (Y/N)asked and Raven couldn’t believe it.
- “Yes Mommy!! Please!!”
- “Ok, sit here next to me.”- and as our daughter followed all the instructions my wife gave her and I placed a pillow on her small lap, I stared at the scene unraveling in front of me as I did my best not to cry, but tears kept filling my eyes. My daughter was now a big sister and was holding her little brother in her arms. I chuckled and locked eyes with (Y/N)for a moment. And as we smiled at each other, all I could think of was: I have two kids. Everything I do, I do it for my wife and our two kids.
You don’t know how that thought can change a person. The way it made me feel so much stronger and weaker at the same time. I would do anything for my family. I would fight the world to keep them safe. And at the same time, it petrified me knowing I was now living with my heart outside my chest. They were all I had, all I loved. My entire life.
I never thought I’d have a conversation about this a few months later, with Morgan, right after he came back to the team. We first had a surprise baby shower for him and Savannah in the meeting room. She was nearly on her due date and Morgan was clearly freaking out about becoming a dad, so we tried to help him relax a little and share a nice moment before a big case. (Y/N)was already back working, so she organized everything with Garcia and Savannah. Raven was in Playground and Sofia took care of Vincent while we worked, and though life was crazy, you could say we were managing.
We had a case that very same day that took us to Witchita, a double homicide and a child abduction. It hit differently when they were kids involved. To all of us now, but I’m guessing Morgan wasn’t ready to be back on the field and dealing with something like that.
We were in the police office, just us, going over some information while the rest of the team gathered a few things. I was going over some info, and Morgan seemed lost, sitting there, his mind and thoughts just weren’t in the room with us.
- “The glue our unsub used is sold practically everywhere, so we can't isolate the point of purchase.”- I pointed out as I read one of the files we had.- “A mineral analysis from the sand, however, indicates that it came from the Seneca River in upstate New York.”
Morgan didn’t reply. I doubt he even heard me. I kept my eyes on him as I straightened up and walked a little closer to him.
- “You ok?”
- “Yeah.”- he replied, but his eyes were so sad and concerned it was clear he was not, in fact, ok.
- “Morgan, we're gonna find the people who tried to kill you.”- I said as I sat on a chair in front of him, trying to reassure him that things were going to be ok. But that was not what clouded his mind, not that minute at least.
- “He was in his pajamas.”- he mumbled, staring at a point on the wall. He must have felt I wasn’t getting where he was going, ‘cos he quickly added. - “Ronnie Brewer. Out there by the side of the road, he was still in his pajamas.”
I looked at my hands and took a deep breath. That was a fact I knew, but I was trying my best not to overanalyze it. Not to imagine my kids in his place either. Not to lose it in the middle of an investigation. It’s hard to keep your head cold. You might think it gets easier with the years, but no. It only gets worse. The more you get involved in the cases, the more parts of you you give.
- “I'm sorry, kid.”- Morgan tried to justify his behavior.- “I, uh, I don't know, man. Six months on the sidelines. I guess I still have a few blisters where I used to have calluses.”
- “I don't think that's what this is.”- I say looking straight at his face with a short smile.
- “Oh, no?”- I shook my head when he stared at me confused - “Then what is it?”
- “You're about to be a dad. You know? You have to expect the world to start to feel different.
- “Did it happen to you?”
- “Of course. And it’s terrifying!”- I confessed and tried to be as honest as possible, ‘cos maybe that would help him relax a little. He sighed and held his head with one head for a minute, trying to focus and rearrange his thoughts.
- “It just feels so hard. Not as in difficult. Literally hard.”- Morgan started explaining how he felt. And it was something that I could definitely understand. - “Like asphalt is hard. Like pavement.”
- “And children are soft.”- I added, and the thought of Raven touching Vincent’s cheek saying how “squishy” he was filled my mind and my heart with love and fear. These two feelings that, apparently by rule, always came together in my life.
- “Yeah. Defenseless.”- Morgan added, mumbling under breath.
- “That's why every day we try to make this world a little safer.”- I said and tried to smile at him, though the frown on his face didn’t move.
- “How do you do it? You have two, you’ve seen the worst people can do.”
- “We are making a change, one day at a time. I will never look at the world the way I did before I was a father. But it helps knowing there are people like us, catching bad guys. I guess focusing on the good instead of the horror is what keeps me going.”
Morgan stared at me in silence, like analyzing everything I had just said. For the first time in my life, I felt like he was the one who needed my help. I was usually the one lost in a world with too many messages I couldn’t understand. And Morgan was the one helping me decoding them and teasing me about it.
But not this time.
- “If there's one thing I'm sure of, is that you and Savannah are going to be great parents.”- I added and smiled at him. Morgan chuckled and realized the position we were at. Me, giving him advice for once.
- “Charge by the hour, Doc?
- “Yeah, but you need to book your appointment at least two days ahead.”- I teased and my friend finally laughed. For the first time in what seemed to be years.
(Y/N)’s point of view
I tried to be rational. I swear. But after baby number two and going back to work, I hated how everything had changed. I could feel it around me, and I know Spencer felt it too, though I’m not sure if he felt it at the same level I did.
It was clear Morgan was leaving. I could feel it in my guts the second he walked back to the bullpen after those six months away, and I tried to prepare my husband for it. Change is part of life, that I can not change (see what I did there?). But that doesn’t mean we are always gonna love each one of the changes of ties that life sends our way. Derek had the right to start a new life, and the time felt right. It made me wonder, yet again, if leaving the BAU was the right path to follow. But at that time, it didn’t make as much sense as it does now. I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with everything that would unravel with time.
One of those things was so embarrassing I kept pushing it aside and failed. But it was so incredibly embarrassing, that I couldn’t tell anyone but Lu.
I was jealous. Seriously jealous. Of JJ.
At that time it was mainly because my stomach kept telling me there was something odd about how sometimes, especially during cases. She acted somehow territorial about Spencer. Like he was hers. That made no sense, obviously. He was my husband and only her friend. I wasn’t proud of how I felt, but a voice deep inside of me kept warning me about her attitude.
But instead of listening to my instinct, I tried to bury it. I excused my own brain, telling myself it was all because I had just had a baby and I was feeling insecure. Which was probably true, in part. But there was something about how JJ always found an excuse to be close to my husband that bothered me the second I came back to work after my maternity leave.
It didn’t really help that we were under similar conditions. Both had two kids and husbands on the field. A very demanding job, eyes for Spencer the entire time he was around. And it felt like she had her shit together, not like me, who struggled every day. Not JJ. She was fucking perfect. From her hair to her attitude and her outfits. There was no way she was a mother of two, her body was, for lack of a better word, perfect. I was filled with stretch marks underneath my clothes, making me feel incredibly self-conscious. I knew it was normal, I had two babies, my body was going to change, and Spencer seemed to be ok with that. But it felt unfair. JJ looked the same. I looked like a mom. I hated it.
- “You do realize you are being incredibly hormonal about this. Right?”- Lu suggested one afternoon when I managed to call her in between kids, cases, and house chores. Spencer had taken Raven to the store to get some things I needed to cook dinner, and Vinny was napping. So I called my friend as I started catching up with laundry.
- “Define being hormonal, please.”
- “You are not being rational, and you always keep your head cold, and this is so not you. Who cares about JJ? Spencer loves you!”
- “I know, but… she is so much better than me in every single fucking way. It’s annoying.”
- “That’s all in your head!”- I could basically hear my friend’s grin through the line. - “All this ‘cos you are no longer a size… what’s your size again?”
- “No! all this ‘cos I feel like a big fucking failure!”
- “How are you even failing? You do more in a day than Frankie does in a year.”- I tried not to chuckle at the comparison because I was trying to show her how upset I was.
- “I mean it, Lu! I know this is not a competition, but what if Spencer realizes I am a shitty wife, a lousy mother, and a sickening sight when naked.”
- “Aren’t you being silly? That man has loved you since before he could even start talking to you or even looking you in the eye. So stop it.”
- “He loved her first”
- “He had a silly crush on her before he met you. That’s it. You’ve always felt threatened by her. It’s not just now. And that’s because you can not believe something this good could happen to you. But it did, so be grateful and enjoy it.”- Lu gave a very compelling speech, I gotta admit. But one thing kept bothering me.
- “What if she is in fact in love with him and tries to do something?”
- “Then she is the most stupid FBI agent I’ve ever met.”
I remember chuckling at her response, thinking if JJ ever tried to make her move on my husband, not only I was going to go absolutely unsub with her, but probably Lu, my mom, and even Frank and Mikey could definitely bring her down.
But, much as I tried, things had changed. I could feel it. It was obvious even when nothing was happening at the bullpen. And it was clear the second Morgan came back to work. He wasn’t the same man that had left six months earlier. None of us were anymore.
The last case we worked with Morgan was the worst we had had since he had been kidnapped.
Savannah got shot. That day we were about to leave the bullpen when Garcia got the call. Spencer was talking with JJ as I grabbed all my things, already late to Raven’s school spring recital. Our daughter was so excited about the recital, her class was going to sing a song and she had practiced for weeks. She was confident she was good at it, and all she could talk about was how much she wanted to show her dad how well she and her friend were going to sing. It broke my heart to miss that show. I know it broke Spencer’s as well.
Pen rushed over, tears already falling down her cheeks, as she explained what had just happened. Morgan was at the hospital with Savannah. They were trying to save her and their baby. Things didn’t look good. In a second we were running to the elevator and Hotch drove us to the crime scene.
You don’t know how hard it is to call it a “crime scene” when it’s the place your friend was hurt. Hotch tried to keep Derek out of the investigation for obvious reasons, Morgan wasn’t in his right mind. None of us were, to be honest. But I knew keeping him out of the investigation was basically impossible. So I entered mode S.A.A Reid, and hid all my fears and worries, even my daughter’s deception (I knew I was going to deal with that later). I needed to help our friends.
I called my mom from the car. I tried to explain what had just happened and why we couldn’t be there with our daughter. We jumped out of the SUV as soon as we got there, Morgan was trying to cross the police line, looking like a madman. I heard him yelling “That’s my team” before JJ walked over and explained to the police he was in fact an FBI agent and not a psycho. I couldn’t blame him, I would look the same if my family had been hurt. I know I did when it happened. You see red when they hurt someone you love.
- “Tell me you got something.”- Morgan demanded, fire in his eyes as he spoke to us.
- “A casing and a rifle up on the roof.”- Rossi explained in a single line everything we knew.
- “This guy isn't sloppy. He's sending us a message.”- JJ added, but really didn’t say anything new. I turned to Morgan and held his hand for a moment, giving it a small squeeze, trying to comfort him. He was hot, and anger was running through his body as adrenaline kept him going.
- “Garcia, we need to access the surveillance footage.”- Hotch said and Pen nodded immediately.
- “Of course. I'm on it.”- and off she went.
- “What else we got?”- Morgan asked, and none of us said a thing. ‘Cause of course, after fifteen minutes, we didn’t have much to add.
- “That's it right now.”- Rossi sighed and shook his head
- “Where were you and Savannah standing?”- Spencer asked, first ‘cause Morgan was the only witness we had, and even under the stressful conditions he was under, he had to tell us what he saw. And second, ‘cos we had to keep him busy or that man was going to go crazy.
- “We were standing right over there on the side of my truck. We were just talking. She was to the back and I was facing her. I was the vulnerable one. I was the easy shot.”- Morgan finished that sentence screaming.
- “How's Savannah?”- I whispered, trying to calm him down.
- “She's in surgery.”- our friend’s voice was cracking, just like his strength. I grabbed his arms and pushed him with me to start walking.
- “Come on, let's check in. Rossi, are you coming?”- David nodded and started walking along with us.
- “You guys got this?”- Morgan asked and looked at the team. Spencer nodded and looked at me for a moment. He confessed sometime later that all he could think of that minute was that if that was me in the hospital, shot, he’d kill whoever was responsible for hurting me. I never forgot it 'cause I kept thinking the same thing.
We checked in at the hospital, where Rossi did most of the talking, and then we sat in a waiting room on the second floor.
- “Metro PD's gonna secure all the windows and have an officer placed in front of Savannah's room 24/7.”- David explained as Morgan walked and nodded, like a zombie.
- “Thanks.”- he mumbled though I know he didn’t process what Rossi had just said.
- “I got us a conference room down the hall to work in, and I'm getting access to the security cams right now.”- Penelope announced as she walked into the room, nearly hyperventilating.
- “Great. You two need coffee?”- Rossi offered
- “I’m good.”- Garcia replied immediately
- “No. Thanks.”- Morgan nearly bit Rossi’s head off as he replied. I couldn’t blame him, though, he was under stress, and he was going to be a nasty asshole until he knew Savannah was safe. Rossi looked at me and asked.
- “No cream, no sugar?”
- “Thank you.”- I whispered and cut him a short smile as he walked out of the waiting room.
- “Tara's donating blood in case Savannah needs more. It turns out they're the same type.”- Pen added as Morgan continued pacing across the room.
- “I’m a universal donor. I’m gonna sign up to donate for her as well.”- I said and turned around to leave. I knew Morgan well enough to leave him be for a moment. Now that he was in the waiting room, pacing and with Garcia, I could be useful somewhere else.
I was still signing papers when I heard Morgan storm out of the waiting room, smashing a pile of paper towels in a cart he found on his way down the hall. The nurses winced and I sighed as I grabbed my phone and read my husband’s text. Hotch had taken Morgan officially off the case.
- “Is he ok?”- Spencer texted me.
- “Nope. Stormed out. I’m donating blood for Savannah.”- I quickly replied. A nurse asked me to follow her to another room and got me ready to
- “Looking at the footage with JJ in the conference room.”- my stomach tightened at the thought of him and JJ being alone. But we were at work, and doing something incredibly important and personal. There was no time for jealousy.
- “I’ll be there in a second.”- I replied and put my phone back into my pocket. The nurse asked me to raise my sleeve, and for a couple of minutes, all I could do was pray for Savannah’s health.
- “So if security footage has no angles of the shooting or the rooftop, where does that leave us?”- Rossi asked as we all stood around the table, trying to find something new to call a clue that might lead us to the shooter.
- ���We're running facial recognition on everyone in and around the hospital to see if they match any loose ends from Morgan's abduction.”- JJ announced as I sipped on my coffee. Hotch walked into the room that second. It had taken him an extra fifteen minutes to get there after I was done donating blood, which only meant one thing: whatever Morgan had said to him, got to him.
- “How did he take it?”- Spencer asked what we all knew had happened. Hotch’d face didn’t move when he simply replied
- “As expected.”- and that was all we talked about our friend’s emotional tantrum.
- “Sir, I know that when Morgan was on leave after his abduction, you encouraged him to stay away from the case.”- Garcia started explaining what we had all done behind Hotch and Rossi’s back.
- “And let me guess, he didn't.”- David interrupted her, and we all shook our heads.
- “We all knew in our hearts it wasn't over, and, look, we were right, so in an extra-curricular kind of way we kept sleuthing to see who was working with John Bradley.”- Garcia explained and I looked at Rossi with a shy and almost innocent smile.
- “Everyone needs a hobby, right?”
- “You of all people here have enough going on in her end to add more to her table.”- Rossi argued and Spencer frowned.
- “I helped her.”
- “Getting her pregnant again isn’t helping.”- David joked, and Hotch ignored us as he started talking.
- “Before he came back to work, Morgan said that he'd found a connection between the men who held him at the cabin and the Montolo family.”- Hotch added, looking at Rossi, who seemed lost. Like he never saw coming the fact none of us was going to let Morgan’s kidnap go.
- “Right. So, basically, we're dealing with a big crime family tree, of which Bradley was certainly a branch. And the Montolos had hired him multiple times.”- Garcia added, simply explaining we were obsessed with his case.
- “Did you scan the drawing?”- I asked her and she nodded.
- “Yeah, it's right here.”- at those words, Spencer leaned closer to look at the screen with me.
- “So, has everyone been working on this?”- Rossie asked, surprised.
- “Yeah.”- I said not taking my eyes from the screen.
- “Basically.”- my husband supported me.
- “Kinda.”- Pen added with a shy/busted smile and then she started explaining what we had. - “Ok, with Morgan's research, plus our bad guys/gals tree here, we've cut all the legs off the evil table. So like look… you got assassin mother, father, siblings, all deceased, one aunt in therapy for family trauma, and each line is like that.”
- “Montolo's line's the shortest of them all.”- Spencer pointed out - “The only living child of Chazz and Rosemary Montolo. Rosemary died when Giuseppe was just a boy.”
- “When you thought your family was fucked up…”- I shook my head at my own words, trying to ease the mood ‘cos for the life of me, I can’t deal with so much gravity from time to time.
- “Right. And then Giuseppe went to live with his family in Italy, and Chazz went off to build a criminal empire.”- Pen added. Rossi walked to me and grabbed one of the files.
- “Looks like Chazz Montolo was killed last year.”
- “Yeah, in a bank fire in Germany. Got a positive I.D. On the dental and fingerprints.”- Pen even showed him the newspaper of the fire.
- “One week after his son was murdered. What if that's not a coincidence?”
- “So whoever poisoned the son also killed the father.”- JJ suggested, but I shook my head, reading Hotch’s mind.
- “Or he staged his own death so we wouldn't suspect him of this.”- I said and felt Spencer’s hand resting on my lower back as I spoke, supporting and comforting me.
- “Hey, wait, wait, wait.”- Pen suddenly freaked out and started typing as fast as she could- “I only ran facial recognition on living people for obvious reasons, but this guy right here, walking out of the hospital, this guy, that is… That's Chazz Montolo.”
- “Well done, ma cherie.”- Spencer whispered in my ear and I turned to smile at him for a fraction of a second. We were finally going somewhere.
- “Garcia, play the footage.”- Hotch asked, and a few seconds later, we were all able to watch Montolo senior walking out of the hospital.
- “Mother fucker.”- I whispered thinking that asshole had been there with us in the building.
- “Garcia, contact the city, get access to traffic cameras. Now that we know he's here, we can find out where he went.”- but her phone ringing freaked her out before she could do anything.
- “Oh, wait, Morgan's calling me. I told him I'd keep him in the know before I knew it was an order that he wasn't supposed to know.”
- “All right.”- Hotch sighed and looked at me and my husband. - “Reids, you talk to Morgan. JJ, you and Garcia track Montolo and find out who his accomplices are. He doesn't work alone. Dave, you and I will find potential witnesses who might have seen him on the property.”
And before we could even argue or plan what we were going to tell our friend, we were forced to move and face him.
- “Wait, wait.”- I grab my husband’s sleeve and stop him- “We should get him something.”
- “I don’t think he is hungry.”- Spencer raised an eyebrow as he stared at me.
- “Still. Maybe something to drink to warm him.”
- “You wanna stress him more by adding caffeine to his body?”- he questioned me.
- “Hot chocolate?”
- “He will throw it on our faces.”- Spencer was probably right, but he could read my worry.- “Green tea?”- I nodded and walked to the closest vending machine.
- “Raven must be so angry with us.”- I whispered as I pushed a few buttons on the machine, and a cup with some suspicious-looking tea appeared in front of our eyes.
- “I know.”
- “We are gonna have to deal with her when we get home.”
- “I know…”- Spencer sighed and rubbed his hands against his face, trying to rearrange his thoughts. - "I really can’t deal with that right now.”
- “I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about her and Vinny, and if any of this happened to them, or you.”
- “I understand, ma cherie. So much.”- Spencer moved a step closer and kissed the top of my head.- “But right now we have to focus on helping Morgan. Ok’”- I just nodded and grabbed the cup of tea.
- “Ok.”- I looked at my husband and took a deep breath. I know he was doing his best to keep his head cold and focus on the case- “Alright, let’s do this.”
Morgan was back in the waiting room. He kept pacing, still looking like a madman. But now he was an angry madman. Angry with us ‘cos he knew we were keeping things from him.
- “Were you with Garcia?”- he asked as soon as we walked in.
- “Yeah.”- I replied and tried to smile at him, to maybe calm him down, or make him feel less threatened- “Here, we brought you a green tea.”
- “It won't make you as jittery as coffee.”- Spencer offered the cup to our friend and he grabbed it, but not without reading every single movement the two of us made. It was annoying, Frank was right.
- “You came instead of Garcia because you know I'd be able to read her.”- Morgan didn’t ask, it was a fact.
- “That is correct.”- Spencer nodded and whispered.
- “And Hotch sent you both here to see if I'm stable.”
- “He didn't say that, but…”- my husband made a pause and I just sighed.
- “Let’s say we were the chosen ones ‘cos Hotch trusted we could read you, and if you were too angry at him, we wouldn’t take it personally in case you’d yell.”- I couldn’t lie to Morgan, so I didn’t. He nodded and didn’t even try to say he wouldn’t yell. It felt good to know we were above that bullshit.
- “I don't get jittery.”- of everything we said, that was what Morgan wanted to point out. Why? I don’t know. Maybe that was an insult in his mind. He moved to the other corner of the room and left the tea on a little table Food, he wasn’t going to throw it in our faces.
- “Usually you don't, but your carotid tells a different story.”- Spencer started rambling- “I've counted 10 heartbeats in the last 3 seconds. That's about 20% higher than your usual when you're under stress.”- his voice was soft and almost shaky. My husband was nervous and worried. Scared.
- “I know you're only trying to protect me, I get it, but knock it off.”- Morgan nearly yelled, annoyed with his speech- “I just want to know what you've learned.”
- “Seriously, Derek. You know we can’t tell you.”- I sighed and shook my head.- “So don’t take it with us. We are just trying to help.”
- “If you were trying to help you’d tell me what the hell is going on”
- “We are doing our fucking best. That’s what’s going on.”
I know we didn’t plan it, but Spencer and I were doing the old “good cop, bad cop routine.” And I was the bad cop. Again.
- “When you first told me about Savannah, I'd never seen you like that.”- my husband started talking and his voice was still soft and sweet, trying to keep it together. - “The decreased levels of central serotonin in your brain cause intrusive thinking. When I finally saw you guys together, that's when I knew for sure. Your pupils dilated, your posture changed, and I saw you involuntarily reach for her hand. Science confirmed it. You've found the one.”- Morgan stared at him, speechless. - “Do you believe that?”
- “Yes.”- Derek replied, not an inch of hesitation in his voice.
- “Then believe this. Our team loves you, and we are not going to stop until we find whoever did this. But we can only do that with a completely dispassionate and unprejudiced point of view. Paternal instinct is a deadly bias that we just can't risk. It's for your protection, Morgan, I swear.”
- “Ok.” - Derek answered coldly, though you could almost hear the cogs in his brain going a hundred miles an hour.
- “You would do it for us, wouldn’t you?”- I asked him, and Morgan raised both eyebrows- “If we were you and you were us, you would try to keep us away from the information. Try to keep us calm. We did it with Kate when her niece was taken. Hotch and JJ did it for us when he pretended Em was dead. We did it for Garcia when the Dirty Dozen was trying to kill her. We’ve all done it. ‘Cos that’s what families do, they protect each other.”
- “The unsub is a father, isn't he?”- Morgan ignored my speech and looked right into Spencer’s eyes.
- “Why do you say that?”- my husband lied between his teeth as Morgan analyzed every single one of our movements.
- “A paternal instinct is a deadly bias? Those were your exact words.”
- “I meant… we are both fathers…”- Spencer was nearly sweating and I didn’t know how to help him.
- “I know what you meant. But that's what you said.”- Morgan stared at us, and neither of us said another word. So he simply walked away from us.
- “Shit, shit, shit.”- Spencer whispered and closed his eyes.
- “It’s ok, honey. We both knew it wasn’t going to be easy. And we would be the same under these sick circumstances.”
- “I know, I just…”- Spencer bit his lips as tears filled his eyes.- “I wish there was more we could do. He doesn’t deserve this.”
- “Who does?”- I held his hand and gave it a soft squeeze.- “You did well. It’s just hard keeping things from a profiler.”
- “He is my brother. And someone hurt his unborn child and wife. And all I can do is tell him things will be ok.”
- “We can help him, but he has to trust us.”- my phone ended our conversation. It was my mom, which only meant one thing: Raven’s presentation was over. And she knew we weren’t there.
- “Hello?”- I whispered and closed my eyes.
- “Mama…”- it was worse than my mom. It was Raven.
- “Hey there, birdy. How was the recital? Did you have fun?”- Spencer moved closer and I put our daughter on speaker. - “I’m with your dad at work. We are both so sorry we couldn’t be there today, Raven.”
- “Emma says I don’t have a mom or a dad.”- Raven was crying, and my heart broke as soon as I heard her.
- “What? Why?”- I knew Emma, she was three and a half years old, but that night, I wanted to kill that brat. I’m not proud about it.
- “You are never there.”- Raven wept and all I managed to do was hold Spencer’s hand as I turned to him. His tears ran down his face as he tried to get himself together.
- “I’m so sorry, Birdy. But we have to get the bad guys.”- my voice shook at the end of the sentence.
- “Why is it always you? Why can't Uncle Derek do it?”
- “Oh, Birdy”- Spencer mumbled and took a deep breath, trying to get himself together.- “We are helping Uncle Morgan right now get the bad guys.”
- “I just wanted to sing for you.”- Raven kept sobbing. - “Why don’t you love me?”
- “Raven Marie, we love you so much.”- I managed to say before I broke into tears. I hid my face in Spencer’s chest as he continued talking.
- “Your mom and I are very sorry we couldn’t be there today. We promise we’ll make it up to you.”- Raven didn’t reply, instead we heard my mother’s voice on the other side of the line.
- “I’m sorry kids. She wanted to talk to you.”
- “Thank you for taking care of her, Sofia.”- Spencer managed to say. I know he was trying to be strong, but honestly, both our hearts were broken.
- “Frank and Milkey came along. We are having ice cream and then I’m gonna take her home.”
- “We’ll pick her up as soon as we are done here.”- Spencer added.
- “Take care, kids. I know you are doing the best you can. And she will see that when she is old enough.”
- “Thank you, mom.”- I whispered and tried not to sob too hard.- “We’ll call you later, ok?”
- “Sure, peanut. Love you.”- I couldn’t talk anymore. I just broke into tears one more time as Spencer hung up and placed the phone in my pocket.
- “It’s ok, ma cherié”
- “It’s not ok. This is what I always hated about my dad’s job. This is what I swore to myself at ten years old I was never going to put my babies through!”- I sobbed against his sweater, feeling like the worst mother on earth. The sound of Raven’s cries on the other side of the phone had been way too much for me to deal with, especially considering what was going on.
- “This is wrong.”- I murmured and tried to put myself together. - “We don’t have time for this now. Derek needs us.”
- “It’s gonna be ok.” Spencer whispered as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. - “We are not going to miss any more recitals. And she is going to forgive us. She knows we are doing this to help other people.”
- “Spencer, she is about to be four, she doesn’t have to understand this. She needs her dad and mom.”- my husband kissed the top of my head and sighed.
Spencer’s point of view
The night Morgan became a dad was the night I understood he was going to leave us. My wife had pointed it out a few times before that, trying to prepare me for that moment, but I didn’t want to believe it. I thought we were going to be a team forever. But he had a new team. One that was more important than anything else.
It made me feel I was a lousy father for a moment. He was quitting to make sure his wife and kid were alright. It was something I had thought of many times until that day, but I had never found the guts to do it. I couldn’t blame him, though. He had been through hell and back.
Meanwhile, I kept overanalyzing everything that had happened that day, hell was waiting for us when we picked up our kids from Sofia’s house. Raven had refused to sleep and also refused to talk to us. Vinny was fast asleep when (Y/N)held him in her arms and kissed his forehead. Sofia offered us something to eat, but we just wanted to get home and get some rest. It had been an eternal day, and seeing our daughter’s teary eyes and hardened face made it even worse.
- “I don’t wanna.”- she argued right away as I tried to pick her up. Raven kept fidgeting every time my hands tried to reach her.
- “Come on, baby. We have to go home. Don’t you wanna go to bed? We can have a special breakfast tomorrow.”- I offered her, but she hid behind Sofia and started whimpering.
- “No! I don’t love you!”
- “Birdy, you don’t mean that.”- I whispered as I knelt closer to her. She stayed behind Sofia’s legs and refused to even look at me. Her eyes were filled with tears and I could see her struggling to both stay awake and not to cry. It was heartbreaking.
- “Raven Marie, we talked about this.”- Sofia moved and took my daughter in her arms carefully.- “Your mom and dad had to work tonight and they couldn’t go to your recital, but they still love you very much.”
But our daughter ignored my words, (Y/N)’s words, and her grandma’s words. Instead, she decided to give us the silent treatment and ignore us all the way back home.
(Y/N)made us some tea after she put Vinny in his crib, and I was struggling with Raven’s bedtime. She didn’t speak but refused to brush her teeth and put on her pajamas.
- “Birdy, I know you are upset. And you have all the right to be mad at me and your mom.”- I whispered as I sat on her bed and put my hands on her shoulders, trying to make sure she was paying me attention.- “But you have to know your momma and I were helping Uncle Derek. No one is more important than you, but when someone needs our help, we can’t turn our back on them.”
Raven refused to look at me, but at least she got into bed. I read her a short bedtime story, kissed her cheek, and wished her a good night before I left the room.
- “How is she?”- my wife asked as I walked into our room. She was already in bed, sipping her lavender tea.
- “Still angry.”- I untied my tie, left it on a chair, and unbuttoned my shirt before falling on our bed.- “She didn’t say a word.”
- “And she is just three… I don’t wanna think of our lives when our girl is a teenager.”- (Y/N)cut me a short mile, but it was clear she was trying to make lights off of what was happening.
- “I’m glad we still have a few more years until then, ma cheriè.”
We both stayed quiet for a moment. I grabbed the cup of herbal tea my wife had left on my bedside table and took a long sip.
- “Am I a bad mother?”- her whisper broke the silence and made me whip my head immediately.
- “You are not. Of course, you are not.”- I held her hand and kissed it, as tears fell from her cheeks.
- “We broke her heart, and she is three years old.”
- “She will forgive us.”
- “But how do I forgive myself?”- my wife broke into tears and I wrapped my arms around her, sitting her on my lap. I wanted to be strong for her, I wanted to find the right words to make her feel better. But I had nothing, ‘cos honestly, I was feeling very low.
- “Maybe we should quit.”- it was the first time one of us had said it out loud. I froze at her words. I didn’t see it coming. But my wife had been brave enough to say the words that had haunted my mind so many times.
- “Quit?”- I asked, half shocked, half confused. - “Morgan is gonna leave, what will do the team without us?”
- “What will our kids do without us?”
And I didn’t know what to reply to that.
- “Mommy…”- Raven’s voice ended that conversation, or the start of it. She stood at our door holding the stuffed unicorn Mikey had given her.
- “What is it, birdy?”- (Y/N)asked, sitting on our bed, whipping the tears from her face quickly.- “Did you have a bad dream?”
Raven shook her head as she walked slowly toward the bed. Her big brown eyes were filled with tears, and she kept biting her lower lip, the same way her mother always does when she is nervous.
- “Do you wanna sleep with us tonight, birdy?”- (Y/N)whispered and tapped on the bed. Our daughter nodded but didn’t move from the spot she was standing at. My wife stood up and took a few steps until she stood in front of Raven, kneeled, and opened her arms to our daughter, who nearly ran to her and wrapped her arms around her neck, sobbing.
- “I’m sorry mommy”
- “It’s ok, baby. I’m sorry too.”
It was such a moving scene tears fell from my eyes as I stared at my wife and daughter hugging as they lay on our bed. I scooted closer to them and wrapped an arm around them, kissing Raven’s cheek and (Y/N)’s temple.
- “Your mommy and I love you so much.”- I whispered and watched our daughter sob a few times before she fell asleep on (Y/N)’s warm chest.
Neither of us said another word after that. We just laid with her on our bed, Vinny sleeping peacefully on his crib near us. I wanted to put a bubble around us all and never let anything hurt us.
I didn’t know it back then, but the only way I could do that was by quitting the BAU.
The following week, Morgan came back to the BAU for the last time. We all knew he was leaving, Hotch had told us. But it was still hard for all of us to deal with what it meant losing him in our team. In our daily basics.
When we walked to the bullpen’s door, I saw Morgan hugging JJ and I knew what was happening next. I knew he was there to say goodbye. It was going to be our last time there, and I didn’t feel I was ready to face it. So I left (Y/N)standing there alone and ran away to the meeting room.
Chicken much? Yeah, I know. But everyone knows I am not a fan of changes, and that day was especially hard for me. I was losing my brother. It wasn’t just another profiler leaving. It was my best friend we were talking about. And I was happy for him, of course I was. He got everything he ever wanted. It was just hard dealing with the guilt of not being as brave as him and doing the same for my family.
But of course, I wasn’t ready to deal with that truth just yet.
- “I know you hate goodbyes kid. And change.”- Morgan found me and walked into the room, facing the issue upfront. I wasn’t expecting anything less from him. I turned to face him, my eyes already filling with tears, and he cut me a warm smile, knowing how hard it was for me.
- “Hey. It isn't always a bad thing.”- he added- “And you’ve been getting better at dealing with changes. At least with changing diapers.”- I chuckle at those words. I liked the fact we could keep that conversation closer to the fun side because it was too painful to deal with.
- “You are gonna be better.”- I whispered and he smiled.
- “Only ‘cos I learned from the best.”- Morgan added and we both stayed in silence for a few seconds. Everything about saying goodbye to my best friend hurt. So I sighed loudly and finally accepted the truth.
- “I just can't imagine this room without you.”
- “So don't. Don't think about it.”- Morgan quickly answered, still smiling. - “Just know I'm always gonna be by your side. I'm just a phone call away.”
- “I know. Raven won’t let you go either. She loves Sunday brunch with you and Savannah.”- we both smiled for a moment, but tears quickly threatened to fall again.
- “I'm sorry I can't stay.”- Morgan apologized and I shook my head right away.
- “I don't want you to stay.”- I quickly replied thinking I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay either, but I also wasn’t ready to deal with that just yet.- “Because I know why you're leaving and I couldn't be happier for you.”- I simply looked at him with a smile, because I honestly didn’t want him to feel guilty about leaving. Still, his eyes watered up as he took a step closer and grabbed something from his back pocket
- “Listen, we were gonna mail these, but I wanted you to have a birth announcement first.”- he opened the envelope and handed the announcement. I didn’t know what to say or how to react to it. So I just read it out loud, feeling a knot in my throat.
- “Hank Spencer Morgan.”- my voice broke as I stared at the picture of baby Hank in my hands. I couldn’t stop smiling as I looked at it. It was the sweetest gesture. It was more than I deserved. My best friend had named his baby after me. What had I done in life to deserve that much love from him?
- “Yeah. Hank is for my pops. But Spencer is for the best little brother anybody could ever ask for.”- his words were too much, and before I knew it I was sobbing. Morgan wrapped his arms around me and tapped on my back as he whispered.
- “I love you, kid.”
- “I love you.”- I replied knowing he was doing the right thing. It was just too painful to deal with how it felt at the moment. But it was meant to happen.
- “So, look, my little dude, he's gonna need a favorite uncle. To teach him everything he knows about life. And chess.”- Morgan chuckled at his words and I nodded smiling.
- “I can do that.”
- “I know you can.”
- “Which reminds me, I’m gonna need you to teach me how to play soccer, so I can teach Vinny eventually.”- my answer made him laugh.
It was comforting knowing Morgan was leaving the team, but he wasn’t leaving my life. That was a big change. We weren’t going to stop meeting, he wasn’t walking out of my life. He was just taking a step back from work and focusing on his family. The
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#criminal minds#spencer reid#babymetaldoll writes#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x you#criminal minds fix it
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We need to talk more about Kagiura's feelings
One of the things that I really love about chapter 7 is how it shows how painful it is to love someone who had never and probably won't think about you
We as readers and people outside the frame know how things will play out, but looking at Kagiura's place, things are completely different, and I'm sorry but he's blind optimistic
Kagi always said he wanted a best friend relationship like his parents, but do all besties have to be family? He might have had to think about that at some point if he wasn't so optimistic
Kagiura believes that Hirano loves him but needs some time
The point is that he's not just patient, he didn't believe that Hirano may not love him except only for a very short while, and all his attempts at this touching thing are to convince himself of something
(I just want to make it clear that I don't hate that Kagi is hopeful and it's not something bad or out of the ordinary)
He keeps telling Niibashi everything because he knows he will tell him what he wants, he will give him hope, and I'm sure that Niibashi understand that, Always considerate of what he says, trying to offer advice and some hope, that DOESN'T mean that Niibashi is a bad friend surly, But don't we all do that? When we see our friends exhausted in a relationship, don't we try to give them hope? He just doesn't want to see this Shiny Boy sad
Probably one of the things that hurts me the most in the manga is how Hirano always treats Kagiura so sweetly and gently that it makes my heart personally melt (not to think about how the other person feels already)
He just can't reach him
What hurts Kagiura is not being able to touch him freely or not
What really hurts Kagiura that he can't get the look he wants to see at Hirano's eyes on him, the idea of being only " a good boy" and "a little brother" at his eyes no matter what he does
I love how this was pointed out in ch 23.5, As Kagiura said that in a moment of emotion These are things he wouldn't mention in normal times, he just carries a huge amount of pain that he can't get out, he doesn't desire Hirano as much as he desires Hirano's feelings
There's a line at "Picture you" by Chappell Roan that always reminds me of Kagiura "Am I in the frame from your point of view?" He's really pathetic since he doesn't even ask for Hirano to reciprocate his feelings, he just wants Hirano to start looking at him seriously
#I feel like I should've written this when ch 23.5 was released but whatever#I didn't know that there was an app called Tumblr back then lol#I'm glad that i've discoverd it like Facebook people hate Kagiura for some reason and Twitter people hate both of them#hirano to kagiura#hirano and kagiura#kagiura akira#hirano taiga#kghr
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sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like
--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book
--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever
--no "miscommunication trope"
The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?
Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).
If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.
I just don't understand the point.
#romance novel blogging#if all you want is pure vibes what you want is a short form story or fanfic sorry#you don't want a book#and i'm not saying every writer does miscommunication right--romance has a lot of clumsy writers who just shove it in#(lmao)#but miscommunication is often a backbone in its most broad form of conflict#'i cannot tell you this thing because i am scared for you'#'i cannot tell you this thing because i'm scared of what you'll think of me'#'i can't tell you how i really feel bc i frankly need therapy'#these are all forms of miscommunication and the thing is that when a writer does it well you don't even call it 'miscommunication trope'#but you'll still dismiss miscommunication as bad#the long game by rachel reid is a great example#generally a really well-received book!#ilya gets distant with shane and shane doesn't take ilya's feelings as much as he should#bc ilya has depression and is not telling shane about it#and there is NO REASON for ilya to do this other than internalized shame and a tendency to hide his pain to keep others happy#this is miscommunication!!! they are not communicating well!!! and people still like the book bc rachel reid is a good writer#who knows how to convey this in a way that isn't annoying and is relatable#lol ofc all of this is also symptomatic of the fact that people can't read nuance anymore apparently#and 'character behaves badly = book bad'#(for the record ilya and shane miscommunicate a lot in both books but those books are widely loved bc again rachel is a good writer)
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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(Kind of a vent. Also if you're one of those hardcore Hazbin fans the fandom has become infamously known for, I'll save you the time and tell you to just scroll past this cuz it's mostly me complaining)
.
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Hazbin's song More Then Anything was on the radio today, I don't know why since I walked into the kitchen right as the song was nearing it's end, and it was such a...weird feeling hearing this song on the radio
On one hand, for indie animation and animation as a whole, I am ecstatic that one of the songs was on the radio!
But at the same time, this shows writing and pacing is absolute trash and I don't think it deserved it. .
The only joy I felt for hearing this song on the radio, was because it gives me hope for animation, and the hope that it will boost the believe that indie animation CAN be worthwhile and enjoyable. But that's it, I felt no joy at the fact it was a Hazbin song (unless if it was Loser Baby, the internet can all agree that song is golden)
It's just mildly disappointing that Hazbin hotel, a show which the team behind CLEARLY care a lot about (lets face it for all of Hazbin's flaws, it wouldn't have gotten to the position it's in currently if it wasn't being made by very talented people who believed it's worth the effort. You have to give the team credit where credit is due), is such a disaster story and pacing wise. It's fairly obvious to me that the reason this show is doing as well as it is for the most part is because of the already large fanbase Vivziepop has grown for it.
People love these characters so much that despite the flaws in it's writing and characters - of which there are MANY - that they're willing to ignore these flaws and keep praising the show anyway because hey, content is content
And I get it. This show has been in the works for god knows how long. But I argue that because it's been in the works for so long, that the show we got just isn't as good as it could have been.
The story is rushed, the pacing is whack, we spend little to no time with Charlie (one of the more prominent main characters), we don't see Charlie genuinely bond with any of the other characters outside of Vaggie, the show can't decide if it wants us to believe Charlie's efforts are working or not, the finale song carries no weight what-so-ever because (outside of Angel and Husk) none of the characters have a genuine heart to heart moment to show they've bonded, frankly I found Charlie annoying she was not enjoyable to watch, the show has an entire song with Lucifer and Alastor arguing over who Charlie should view as her father figure when Alastor prior to that song had exchanged maybe five lines of dialogue with Charlie (none of which where fatherly), the show throws too many plot points at us that we can't appreciate them for a second before it's trying to shove the next one down our throats, Camilla's ENTIRE character! Her songs sound great she has a great voice actor, but her character got thrown out the window in order to be a plot device, Valentino being an idiot who needs Vox to talk to him out of a tantrum one episode and then being the most ruthless character in the entire show the next, and the show trying to make me feel like Pentious's sacrifice was worth it when we barely knew what his aspirations or faults where as a character
I know I just tore this show down, but believe it or not, I'm not a full blown hater. The reason I'm so annoyed is because I WANT this show to do good, I want it to be good. I want this show to make me feel like I should care for the characters through them bonding and struggling together, not because the show TELLS me I should care
And admittedly a large fault of all of this is the episode count, 8 episodes is a tight run time for any show. But when you get that episode count confirmed, that's when you gotta cut things. Yeah it might have meant we got fewer songs in the first season and seen less characters, but we would have been able to digest literally any of the plot points in that timeframe if stuff was removed
#Rant#I'm sorry but Hazbin is not worth the hype#The hazbin fandom deserved better than what we got#I don't know if it's because Viv just doesn't know how to write a show or because of the episode count being so short or a number of#other things#but the only things keeping this show a float in my opinion are the songs and the fanbase Viv already had
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I wish my sister would stop making fun of my music taste :[
"your music taste is so basic"
"this song sucks/this is boring"
"ofc you would like this song"(/neg)
"why do you like *genre/general songs* they're not even good"
"hmm I think this is one of *music artist*'s more weaker songs"
"turn this trash off oh my god I'm tired of it"
GIRL. just let me listen to songs I like in peace. I don't talk about your music taste!! I never judge you for what you listen to and I never tell you your music taste is bad. So why do you keep treating my music taste as inferior??
It's just.frustrating. It's gotten to the point where I don't wanna listen to songs I like near her anymore. Anytime I hear her coming upstairs or I feel like she's going to come in the room, I immediately stop the music I'm listening to because I know once she hears it she'll start saying a buncha negative stuff about it. LIKE BESTIE. IT'S NOT THAT DEEP IT'S A THREE MINUTE SOUNDWAVE. JUST LET ME ENJOY IT :(
#I literally can't listen to my music whenever she's in the room#and I KNOW. I should just ignore her#but it's just tiring. I don't feel like hearing ittt#how the hell am I supposed to enjoy my favorite songs when someone is constantly in my ear nitpicking every little thing about them??#so I'm willing to wait until she goes to sleep so I can listen to my music in PEACE#thank god she's a heavy sleeper :p#and she keeps being all like “you're still into vocaloid and love live? I got out of those when I was like 12 wtf” HOW ABT YOU STFU#and she's constantly shitting on im@s songs I listen to IT'S SO TIRING GGGGG BLAHBLAHBLAH I GET YOU THINK THEY'RE BORING BUT JEEZUS#I DON'T TALK BAD ABT THE SONGS FROM MUSICALS YOU MAKE ME LISTEN TO SO WHY.WHY DO I HAVE TO GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK RAAAGASDHFHDAB#aaaa sorry sorry I'm just#asdbfhbdashfsdaj#vent#<- kindaaa I guess? I was thinking of tagging this as complaining hours but I think it's a little too ranty of a post to tag it as that
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I think a lot about your analysis about Aoi and nene and also can't help but think that Nene is not really the kind of friend Aoi need (They are adorable together don't get me wrong)
(For context: Aoi and Nene empty friendship)
I feel the same, I am glad my feeling was communicated there :D
Their interactions can be very cute, adorable truly, but I cannot see it being good for Aoi in the long run. At all. Which is very sad since they value each other so much.
#I think the two being adorable is the root of... a really big problem I didn't address in that analysis but that is connected#I was going to explain it here about how most of their relationship is in nene's pov and other things that seems small but that#pile up and slowly paints a depressing image. But I realized halfway through writing my paragraphs that I don't really want to?#cause it would be a long analysis that involves hunting aidairo's twitter arts and a lot of panel collages on a subject I am not hyped for#I currently don't like aoi and nene's relationship. At all. Is not something I want to spend hours talking about like my other analysis#I don't know when I would be in the mood to talk about them or if you even want my personal issues with it?? since you already agreed#that nene ain't the kind of friend Aoi need. So I decided to keep it short instead of not replying for idk how long#still... sorry for rambling in the tags T-T and thank you for leaving me an ask!#I love when my analysis makes others gain a new perspective on something!#tbhk
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ohhhb venting...
#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it#my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating#i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean#it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay#i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent#i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this#i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say#i feel like im too much for what im worth#people care about me and it only makes their lives harder#people have problems and theyre all my fault#i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time#i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me#i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me#i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me#i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone#im sorry#i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay
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Hi. Just wanted to say I really like your art. The way you use shapes is truly amazing and I love every art piece that comes up on my dash. :).
I AM. GOING. TO CRY.!
thank you and i love you and ur awesome and . i love you. :) :) :3
#labyanswering#incoming. incomprehensible ramblings#i seriously cannot say enough how much this rocks to read#i teared up a bit. maybe a sniffle#but i didn't tell you that#you. grab my heart and squeezed it a little#had to sit and take a breath for a second after reading and processing this ask#GRABS YOU#SHAKES YOU VIOLENTLY#DONT BE SO SWEET IN MY INBOX ! IM SHORT CIRCUITING AND OVERHEATING AND MALFUNCTIONING!!!#kisses u gently on the head /p#u are too sweet to me.#im going to. EXPLODE. ALL OVER. EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you ever talk to me again i will GET YOU#very very happy. veryVERY. happy.#have not been having the greatest of times (relatively) lately. u are why i keep going#i have like been struggling to keep up with my own blog lately and like. tears up a little.#i don't do art for validation but i'm NOT the social-est person so uploading and interacting is a bit of a difference from my usual self;;#and hearing that like. u guys like my stuff so much is my main (like 99%) motivation for continuing to draw and post#also this community rocks! i've made so many friends with similar interests!! I GET TO KNOW SO MANY AWESOME FUCKING ARTISTS!!#PEOPLE I FOR REAL LOOK UP TO IN TERMS OF ART TALK AND DRAW WITH ME!!#AND PEOPLE MIGHT LOOK UP TO ME AS WELL!#AND PEOPLE LIKE WHAT I MAKE!#AND I CAN SEE SO MANY THINGS OTHER PEOPLE MAKE!#THAT I LIKE SO MUCH!#im rambling so hard im sorry#but like i can't put it into words#properly at least#i may not know exactly who you are but i need you to know that i think ur awesome! u rock!#ok im up an hour past when i usually go to bed i have to GO. BYE.
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This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.
#.txt#long tags sorryyyyy#fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o#you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but#it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do.#fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how.#you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable#slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his#hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep.#and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally#click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him.#OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and#needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless#I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to#remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm#stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down#*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there
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...partially considering holding off on posting AWLB part 2 until I've got like, the whole thing written, and re-read/reworked in places fully.
#insomniac hyena rambles#idk if I will. just been thinking lately#sorta realized how badly I stifle myself with my work because of someone I know#and just how much anxiety they give me over my hobbies sometimes#sitting aside for a bit and working on that personal project and just#having the space to do whatever was so damn nice and refreshing#and I want my posted works to have that same feeling#i feel like it may be why i keep having trouble with AWLB part 2 and staying focused#I keep looking at it through that anxiety lens they've saddled me with#it may just be this time of the year gettting to me too thats making really consider holding off on AWLB like this too. but.#the other stuff really doesnt help either#sorry for ranting. um#long story short. taking concerns from others into account is fine#but theres a big difference in things that are constructive and actually should be taken into account#and just not making something that's exactly what someone else wanted when you're just trying to create for yourself#don't let anyone pull the joy out of your hobbies for you. you'll just upset yourself. struggled to find joy in your work-#and get frustrated as hell with people.
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