#i don't feel like ive explained this very well but yeah basically i like it a lot.

[junk-culture]

chief whats the appeal of withnail and i... i kinda thought it sucked ://

THAT'S OKAY.... you don't have to like it..Each To Their Own.... ❤️ and i do think withnail & i is a very specific acquired taste. if the comedy isn't your kind of comedy or it just doesn't resonate that's fine lol. (and ik some people find the 'predatory gay man' trope in uncle monty's character a bit too much which is fine lol.)

i don't wanna try to change your mind about it because it's totally fine if you don't like it but also i would quite like to ramble about why i like it for 200 paragraphs if that's okay.

i do think withnail & i is something you probably have to watch at the right time, like mentally. like i first watched it when i was bored unemployed stagnating rotting in my small town flop era and so naturally it Resonated. i was literally drifting into the arena of the unwell. making an enemy of my own future etc. and it made me feel worse. it truly is a feel-bad film basically. but i don't mean that as a criticism i mean that's part of its appeal.

also i guess just that type of comedy appeals to me. i like nasty putrid absurd stupid but intelligently written black comedies. and i think richard e and the eighth doctor are very good in this film. like partly it is just a classic quotable comedy to me. and that's a subjective thing obviously. one man's cult classic is another man's it sucked. i learned recently that richard e was and is a teetotal which is pretty awesome considering how grotesquely high and unhealthy he managed to look.

obviously i can't neglect to mention the doomed yaoi though. that's certainly part of its appeal epecially on tumblr the doomed yaoi website. but it's like an absolutely wretched putrid ugly tobacco stained disgusting fried egg flavour of doomed yaoi. which is quite refreshing in my opinion.

but also just the character of withnail is so good. like he's insane and terrible but also extremely sad and someone to be sympathised with. i rewatched the film recently (lol) and what got me was how like. gracious he is about marwood's success. like the main tragedy of the film is marwood finally managing to break out of their mutually assured self destructive mess of bad habits but to do that he has to leave withnail behind. and it's heartbreaking to see withnail get left behind etc. but it's the way withnail for all his ranting and raving never like. openly begrudges marwood for his success like he always puts on a brave face and congratulates him, despite all the despair and bitterness he obviously feels internally. and he tries to "make time" drink driving back to london so marwood can make it back quickly for his audition and it's like </3 .especially because like. in the film we don't even know if marwood is Good at acting. at the end of the film when withnail does his hamlet speech it's like ohhh. he wasn't just a self-important dreamer with delusions of grandeur he can actually act. but it's marwood who gets the luck. and there's nothing really to suggest that he's a better actor than withnail or "deserves" it more. just a simple case of some people make it some don't. some escape the cycle some just stay and rot. idk man.

plus the fact that the film is partly autobiographical/partly based on someone bruce robinson knew? like it's coming from the heart basically.

also i think it is pretty well-shot/good looking as a film? i love the scenes in the countryside, withnail standing on the rock shouting into the misty void etc but also the beautifully pungent and detailed interiors of their flat.

(also, people say that withnail & i is a very specifically british film so i guess that's probably why it works for some and not others. both in terms of the humour and in terms of the subject matter i.e. the end of an era 60s was shit the 70s will be shitter everything's incredibly shit vibe. plus the specifics of monty and the dying breed of upper class twit he represents i guess and withnail's specific brand of oxford educated repressed homosexualism or what the fuck ever.)

idk it's hard to articulate exactly what the appeal of the film is and why i've watched it like 4 times but basically it's just funny and tragic in a way that i Get. joker voice you had to be there you wouldn't get it etc. if the ending theme with withnail walking off in the rain accompanied by his insanely sad clown music doesn't get to you then that's fine, i guess it's just not the movie for you. but me personally i <3 it :)

[fairyhaos]

seventeen as types of tea

requested by anon ! my tea knowledge is like. a little bit extensive. but only a little, so some of these r based off of what google says these teas taste like ++ the vibes they give me ^^

masterlist

seungcheol

ginger tea. the warmth and the spiciness and the slight sweetness of the tea definitely give me strong seungcheol vibes. the fact that it's good for you and also super delicious? hmm yeah idk but it's giving scoups

jeonghan

honey tea. a gentle, sweet tea that melts on your tongue. it reminds me of being taken care of by my mother, bc she always gave me honey tea when i was sick. for me, its a comforting tea, and the lovely sweetness gives me jeonghan vibes. 

joshua

bergamot tea. most people know it as earl grey tea, and it sounds like it'll be a musky, tasteless old-people kind of tea, but its floral, citrusy taste is very vibrant and lovely. bergamot is also a nice stress reliever, and is also a vv nice cake flavour and idk. the vibes feel very joshua

junhui

jasmine tea. dude, everyone loves jasmine tea, and if you don't, then you're lying to yourself. and that's exactly like how i firmly believe that junhui is nothing except absolutely and utterly loveable. it makes me think of dim sum bc the cleansing taste of it always balances the oily food sooo well

hoshi

tea with lots of cream and sugar. it's almost horrifically sweet, but hoshi drinks it with a straight face and you can't help but wonder if, maybe, it's because the tea is so sugary that it's numbed his taste buds off forever. also he's totally the type to give himself a cream moustache. 

wonwoo

hibiscus tea. the slight cranberry-ish tartness of the taste feels very much like wonwoo for some reason? it makes me think of the shininess of glasses frames, the rough texture of books, and the gentle deepness of his voice. 

woozi

coffee disguised as tea. idk how to explain this bro but jihoon is Not Really a tea-drinking person in my eyes (not enough caffeine in it) but people keep telling him that having 7 coffees a day isn't good for his health so he's started drinking “tea” instead. except it's not actually tea and it's just.  coffee. hidden in his flask. 

minghao

matcha. matcha is lowkey just an aesthetic tea ngl but also?? it's a tea that's basically known for its health benefits bc it's just sooo so healthy and i feel like minghao, as a tea nerd, would love that. also matcha flavoured stuff is vv yum and makes me think of him for some reason

mingyu

masala chai. ive never actually had masala tea before, but i think the combination of richness and warmth and spices of it just suits him very very well. just the vibes of it make me think of mmingyu's undeniable presence and his warm, beautiful, colourful nature

dokyeom

peach tea. fruit teas are definitely more dokyeom’s style bc they're kinda attached to the idea of youth and smiles, cuz children r more likely to have fruit teas. also peach tea is just sooo so sweet and fragrant. especially iced peach tea!! to me, i think that it literally tastes like syrupy sunshine. 

seungkwan

rose tea. it's just such a delicate, floral, aromatic tea with veryyyy good health benefits, and not only does it give me seungkwan vibes, i also think that he'd really like to drink it. also the floating rose buds in tea are so very aesthetic. 

vernon

tea biscuits. i couldn't think of a tea for him help anyone who has anything negative to say about tea biscuits is gonna have to Fight me bc they're actually sooo nice and i can and will finish half a pack of tea biscuits in one sitting if you let me. vernon probably could do that too. 

chan

milk tea. idk man but for me, i think that the unambiguous milky taste of milk teas just make me think of the all-encompassing and reassuring warmth of chan. he's like the pleasant milkiness of the milk tea that stays on your tongue

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[om000o]

I think Star and Wander would be just as frustrated w/ each other as Wander was with Dom in s2, if not more. Ostensibly, they share the same goals so theoretically it shouldn't be too hard for one to get thru to the other. Problem is, both Wander and Star are very stubborn irt their views and what they think is the right way to go about things. Granted, with s3 being about testing Wander, he likely would've started to question his beliefs abit and eventually become not as stubborn with his views, especially considering Dom blunty turning down his offer of redemption/friendship at the end of s2. Maybe Star would've had a similar arc? What do you think ?

YEAH !!!!!! YEAH LITERALLY !!!!! thx for asking! big oc infodump incoming

thats exactly what ive been thinking of, like SFEF honestly have the universe's best interest in mind. they motivate their actions on the belief that they're right n they're genuinely doing good by freeing galaxies of villains, even if it's in frankly cruel ways n their definition of what is "good" n what is "evil" is extremely black n white n divided. they are the always the good guys n others r the bad guys who are inherently fundamentally evil n dangerous n deserve every terrible thing in the world to happen to them (that worldview is basically exactly what leads to the dehumanization of villains in their eyes n that is what makes it rlly easy for them to do what they do cuz they don't view villains as actual ppl with their own motivations n reasoning but as a disembodied force to be defeated).

star, who is the perfect guy to represent SFEF's beliefs n ideals (like he genuinely does not question them in the slightest he accepts their worldview as his own to the point his self-identity is tied directly to SFEF. the way he goes about fulfilling his duty is sort of tainted by his own personal wants n opinions sometimes, that's why sugar n ultra r there to level it out, but at the core he operates on the same logic as SFEF do, underneath all of their inspiring slogans n speeches of their righteous mission), is also the perfect guy to serve as a contrast to wander. star is literally like helplessness-less wander from the wanders episode. we only got to see him once in the show n the only thing he did was do a cool pose n explain his worldview, so star is basically what would happen if he got to act upon n actively spread his ideology — if wander had to face against someone w his own discarded belief n prove not just to himself but to literally the entire galaxy that it is not the answer

i feel like wander would be absolutely delighted to see SFEF show up at first. new people in the galaxy, and they're here to help, and they're really good at their job and others seem to really like them — this is basically like the hot shot episode situation. but then as their mission goes on hed begin to recognize their approach is flawed AS HELL — hed get that ideological ick from them. the problem is — he's the only one. post-dominator, after his pacifistic approach didn't work and dominator turned out to be an irredeemable sadist who could've only been stopped by force, the yonder galaxy would sorta start questioning wander n be more willing to side w SFEF n their more forceful methods. maybe that would even include sylvia, give her a bit of an arc — ofc shed still stay w wander n in the end shed support him, but judging by her character i feel like she wouldn't be opposed to a team of good guys who stop villains by force instead of trying to befriend them. even if she started warming up to peepers a lot n even cheered for hater in the end of the galaxy, she still doesn't seem to fully agree w wander on the sentiment that villains can be redeemed (quite paradoxical considering she was a redeemed "bad guy". wonder where that stems from). i think an arc of her coming to her own conclusion that wander really is right abt that instead of just going along w all his plans throughout all s3 would do her pretty well. so there goes the testing wander part. no matter how confident in ur own righteousness u are, if literally the entire galaxy rejects ur worldview u can't help but start to question it. that might even work to wander's benefit in a way, cuz his approach admittedly is still kinda flawed, so starting to question it might in the end make it more nuanced n balanced instead — curiously, what tries to break him ends up helping him in its own way. in the end it'd all probably come around to a big epic wander win n a great philosophical conclusion abt pacifism n what is good n evil n how too drenched in nuance everything actually is to apply such simple black n white logic to it. idk exactly how it'll happen but thats how i imagine it

now this part is curious, cuz smth needs to happen to SFEF after they lose right? now um the best outcome would be to show the entire bigass intergalactic SFEF organization the error of their ways so they can use their influence n power for something better — but idk how to actually come to it, cuz it's quite the feat.

what is a bit less of a feat is to redeem just star sugar n ultra in the end. ultra has her own arc going on of gaining conscience n beginning to question SFEF's ways by virtue of their beliefs being programmed into her, n the very act of her gaining free thought goes directly against her programming. so she doesn't have a brainwashed stupidass little head like how star does, which makes it just the tiniest bit easier. wander would come in super handy as a guy who showed an alternative to loyal to their authority soldiers/robots at least two times before. now i just dont know if i should let ultra have her happy ending or give her the beep boop treatment, inevitably shut down for good or sent back to be reset back to her factory settings the moment she stops being convenient to the cause or even worse tries to sabotage it. hard choice

sugar... sugar is a bit of a pickle. they dont go against SFEF but they don't exactly support it either. u see their species — bonbons — due to their physiological advantages, r rlly convenient for SFEF to hire. theyre almost impossible to hurt, have the ability to regenerate, can shift shape freely n can solidify or liquify their body's consistency at will. so basically SFEF practically has control over their homeplanet, in the cultural n societal sense. working for SFEF is like the go-to career there — kinda like the military if they payed better n also didn't endanger ur life so much. so sugar isn't there out of some righteous desire to save the universe, or for glory, or out of obligation — theyre basically there for the bag. its like a 9 to 5 to them. a circumstance. that attitude is outrageous, but that's the point — sugar is rlly detached from reality. they just go w the flow. they dont want to think too hard about the cause theyre contributing to. they dont want to think of the fact their actions have consequences. they dont want to take the lead of their own life. n since they leave it up for grabs SFEF is happy to accept the offer. in order for sugar to have an arc of abandoning SFEF n growing as a person they need something DRASTICCCC to happen, put them in a situation where they have no choice but to take action n actually pick a side. to commit. idk how that'd happen but it would be great trust 🙏🙏

now star. heheheheheh. until just recently i actually didnt even consider a character arc for him. hes a stubborn self-assured delusional fucking blockhead who would rather kill himself than admit he's wrong. i felt like just keeping him that way cuz i didnt see how wander would be able to make him reconsider that wout it feeling forced. but then it came to me, that if there's anything he believes to be as correct as himself — its SFEF. like ive said SFEF is basically tied into his self image now. every "I'm not wrong" automatically translates into "SFEF isn't wrong" n vice versa. n now — what if those sentiments weren't just separated but directly put against eachother, one or the other inevitably false. what if SFEF fired him. its their big final loss, star is forced to admit defeat, mark the end of their mission in the yonder galaxy n just come back to the main SFEF station empty handed. but they don't even let him do that. they just fire him. he fucked up his first mission in a relatively small galaxy that was literally almost wiped out by a huge threat beforehand — like it was perfect picking n he fucked that up. he proved himself worthless n hes not rlly important enough to deserve a second chance from them, they can fire him n literally nothing would change (a big shocker for star who genuinely thought he was all that. in reality they didn't even hire him in the first place cuz of his skills or something — it was because he looked like their mascot 😭 ofc going up the SFEF career ladder to the point they oh so generously allow him to lead a mission took him a lot of effort. but in the end he's just another easily replaceable cog in the machine. he refused to see that until now. he was like the biggest SFEF d-rider ever n he naively thought he meant something in return, that his efforts would pay off, that he'd be recognized for how absolutely jawdroppingly cool n awesome he is, that he has some worth to them — but he doesn't). n so something that was a big part of him, something he built his identity on, now leaves him on the side of the road. n it creates a huge dissonance — n he can't figure out whether he's wrong for fucking up n being a fucking loser or they're wrong for firing him, cuz both of those r thoughts he refused to even consider before. now probably for the first time in his life he's forced to come face to face w the fact he failed, in a way he can't brush off or takw himself back from after. to make matters worse he's basically homeless now lmao cuz he used to live on the SFEF spaceship station until they fired him n he cant come back to his parents house cuz that's the most shameful humiliating shit ever to him n hed rather kill himself than let his parents know the fucking SFEF fired his ass cuz its kinda a big deal 👍 n so there goes wonder — @catfacedcat's oc

some exposition so wonder is a criminal who keeps getting away n hes basically like stars arch nemesis n they also have a bit of a Thing going on. toxic yaoi situationship. now to star wonder was like. a spot on his squeaky clean self image. falling for a criminal n ur enemy is basically... a flaw. a weakness. an inevitable loss n stuff. actually there was smth rlly good that came out of it, interacting w wonder a lot n warming up to him made star question a bit maybe he's not such a fundamentally evil terrible badguy after all. like "maybe nuance is real n bad ppl r still ppl hmmm ☝️☝️ nah no way" or whatever. so what i mean to say is star is at the lowest of the lows rn right. this is that inevitable loss. hes the spot on his own made up image of himself that he couldn't live up to. so he goes to the guy who he feels he belongs w most now — wonder. belongs not in a romantic sense(ok maybe a romantic sense too) but in a "ure the only person im vaguely close to who i feel like could look me in the eyes rn simultaneously the only person id let see me cuz the very act of me feeling anything towards u was already a step so low for me that begging u to let me stay w u doesn't even feel like going much lower. anyway so can u let me in ure my only hope 🥺" sense. so he just stands outside of wonders car cuz wonder doesnt even have a fucking house either, holding a cardboard box w 3 shirts 10 ties n a cactus, completely drenched out in the rain probably fell in a fucking puddle on the way. n i feel like he doesn't even expect him to open the door. n wonder wouldn't really be to blame if he didn't like things r rlly complicated between them. + she alr has to share her stupid broken ass car w her coolioburger 4yo kid (big shoutout to woopa) like be so fr rn. but hed probably let star in anyway n they just sit there rlly awkwardly n avoid eye contact. basically a huge humbling experience for star that is sure to kickstart a character arc of reconsidering things n becoming a better person n stuff 👍 all because of yaoi

big shoutout to my frjends for this one fr stars arc was like a group project

[d1s1ntegrated]

okay guys so. here's some updates!

-my grandma died. (not sigma.)

-i got the infinite hours glitch at work (im working sm now)

-i'm broke af still cause i honestly genuinely truthfully laurv grocery shopping too much (the horrors of the economy are incomprehensible)

-i love homicipher!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways. that's basically it. i'm trying to get back in here cause i feel so bad for all the unanswered prompts and asks in my inbox. i know i kinda flopped. im doing my best!!

also small announcement below the cut!!! especially considering ive been experimenting more with dead dove/nonconventional topics and themes.

first thing; i made a side blog for my dead dove and other extreme fics. the reason why i'm doing this is bc some people don't want to see that kind of stuff- and that's totally okay! and ik the filtering/blocking tags thing doesn't always work, especially for more "niche" topics.

i plan on branching out my repertoire by writing about topics that are "scary" or "new" to me- so this little counterpart to my blog will make it easier for me to post things that aren't typically sought after by the gen. pop. things like sickfics, whump, noncon, and other graphic or heavy themes.

in addition/addendum to that:

idk if this is common knowledge for any of my followers, moots, etc, but i have a severe phobia of vomit. like. huge. and at my big ass age of 21 (lol) i think it's time to start...getting through that fear. i've struggled with contamination OCD for a really long time and it's something i never thought id even try to overcome- but then i came across a creator on here who makes fetish art- which def wasn't something i was looking to encounter. but like a car crash, i couldn't stop looking at their work and i ended up coming across a post of theirs where they explain that they do what they do to get over their fear. at first i was fucking baffled as to how they couldn't manage to do that, but i get it now. taking something innately fucking horrifying and flipping the narrative so casually can be cathartic, and i finally after over a year of contemplation, gave it a whirl in my own writing. i mean, what better way to get over something by attacking it from my best angle??

typically this isn't something i'd ever consider doing. but...here we are. and i feel like im doing myself, and other people who feel the same way, a disservice by hiding this type of content in my notes app, never to be seen by anyone but me.

my blog has always been a safe space for the freaks and weirdos, and i want to keep facilitating that space while also keeping it enjoyable for all crowds. so by keeping a little separation between the two blogs, it'll ensure i feel comfortable, and others do too. i'm not gonna force everyone who follows me to come across some crazy fetish content they didn't sign up for, especially when previously i'd stated i don't write that kind of stuff. but alas people change and grow and i don't want to stifle myself from writing good things because im too afraid of judgement or my own insecurities.

i think kink is a very important thing in the fanfic world, because it allows the writer, as well as the audience, to connect on an even further level through the delivery of fetish content. as someone who hyperfixates on the development and accumulation of fetish and kinks, especially from a psychological level, this is something i was considering in the past- but not to this level, yk? like yeah, i could continue to just write sweet little hcs of softgaraki, and i love doing that, but also...like, i need these freak ass men to live their truths, and i need to live mine.

with that all being said, @compendiumofdecay is where these nasty fics will be for any and all who are interested.

[georgierre]

Did Toto actually tell others about seeing George in Tesco's? Loved that scene btw, you could almost feel the suspense and trepidation looking around the corner.

thank you for asking abt this :D i actually discussed this w my friends so it is smth ive deliberated on. this is def also one of my favorite scenes, esp to show how easy it is for george to crumble (since toto is . tbh he did a lot for george, i just didn't show any of that).

i hope you dont mind but this is just basically gonna be me explaining to you my toto characterization

ive doubled down on this: toto didnt tell anyone where george is but alex, and he didn't do that by choice.

toto means a lot to george and vice versa, which is a little different from my original characterization, because toto is much sterner there:

but he still is extremely worried abt george in this version too.

at the end i decided to stick with something more guardian-student relationship, because while i don't believe in grid family dynamics, george and toto irl are so. like oh my god george you're PROJECTING on ur boss.

toto has so much respect for george and sensed his depression from a MILE away. he knew it was gonna happen, he got the paperwork ready before george even asked for it. i think he would've told george about his worries at the end of 2026, which george would shrug off until whoops, he needed that actually. i actually imagined him to be begging toto to let him go in my original draft:

toto is honestly just so afraid for george, a little afraid for the team too but george is his priority, so he lets him out.

toto says nothing about george's whereabouts but he is the first to break silence about seeing george, because while he does care about george, he also empathizes with the others who are left worried sick about knowing whether george is alive or not. this does cause a stir in f1, especially within the grid itself because none of them have talked to george at all, so it casts a lot of internal conflict and doubt.

in my original draft and post, i had george message different people about his disappearance. in this, i would think he only messages mercedes, and is even vaguer than the original. so yeah, no wonder why a lot of people think he's Dead— toto practically had to console others by that point, because not even george's family knows where he is.

alex though is persistent, and kind of burdens himself with george's disappearance because he doesn't think he dealt with it well. again, it's the whole point of the grid being full of young boys who have no eq at all. so he has constantly pried and toto finally caves, and alex has never told anyone else about his whereabouts.

the reason why some people besides them may have an inkling of their location is that nicky and george do eat out from time to time, and george's eyes are very recognizable. it's public knowledge anyway that nicky studies at the london business school, so it was easy for people to speculate. nothing definitive really came from the rumors though, because the pictures that came about were never clear.

[tedlebred]

if youre comfortable sharing, whats your rendering process? what are some ways you learned? your art is very yummy

HSHSHHSHS hello!!!!!!!!!! first off omg,,,, thank you so much,,,,🤭🤭

secondly!!!! heres my attempt at a rendering process explanation. uhm. warning ive never really been asked to explain it before please bare with me

BUT. here goes. this'll probably be ungodly long apologies

so when i render my biggest rule is basically Do Not Blend Ever. what i do is do my sketch, then flats, then basic placement of blush/shadows+darkest parts/etc and then i go in and just colourpick the inbetweens+place them between colours in small strokes until the changes in colour don't look too sharp/jarring

here's some examples of the process;;;

(still a wip but HSHSHHS) so i work on 3 layers primarily (sometimes i do the hair+items that cover the face on another layer, too, though they might end up getting merged):

^ with just the sketch layer n flats / and then with the render layer added

i go in with a bigger brush to block in colour variation on the face on the flats layer and then paint over that, as well as over the sketch, with smaller strokes on a render layer- i never do lineart lol, and any "lineart" thats visible is just the sketch peeking through. I try to rely on colour and shadow to create shapes and boundaries instead of lines though this isn’t a hard and fast rule.

i also try to stick to the same pallette the entire drawing- once the flats and shadows are first roughly blocked in all the other tones/midshades/colours are basically just inbetweens picked directly from the drawing. Just me zooming in real close till I can see the pixels and colour picking where they sort of mix. (any smaller shifts in hue/tones are just colours with saturation slightly turned up or down, usually) im also not sure if this helps but i use the Sol brush from the clip studio assets store for literally everything from sketch to render, which is basically just a slightly soft opacity brush which ive deluded myself into thinking helps give my art a softer look. idfk if it does or not.:)

I like to use really saturated blush and for shadows I usually use two base colours; a warmer one and a colder one- a warmer one for smaller shadows and shadows near light and then colder ones for planes more in darkness. Also, usually, at the very end of the drawing I’ll add a layer that’s just fully yellow with colour burn or linear burn or multiply turned on and the opacity turned low just to make everything warmer. (a little thing I like doing for shadows sometimes is never making them reach the edge of the plane; the actual edge is usually a slightly lighter shade and it sort of looks like stylised bounce light that would probably not be there but anyhoo)

but yeah,,,, Never Blend But Make It Look Almost Blended. I’ve been doing it forever,,,,,, and I really like the almost shiny feeling it gives things:)))

And where did I learn. Ough. A lot of what I do I figured out through trial and error and just drawing a bunch (IM SORRY THATS REALLY NOT HELPFUL) but some sources I looked towards were sinix design and bluebiscuits on YouTube!!!!! Sinix has a really good video on rendering skin which is where I sort of took my principles from and ran. And bluebiscuits was a huge inspiration for me when I started trying to render things beyond flats!!!!!!! They’re also where I found the sol brush, lol. Also just,,, the impressionist movement as a whole is a massive inspiration. The use of light and shapes to create form is just,,, omg. Especially Claude Monet in particular. (and for the basics of drawing I learnt from my aunt!)

and honestly, just observing people. A lot of the time when I’m watching a movie or on a walk or even just talking with someone I tend to start looking at their face, and the different planes, how light hits it and how shadow interacts with it, where the shadows are harsher/softer……….people are wild man

I really hope that made sense!!!!!! I’ve never tried explaining it before and honestly, I’m not even really sure how I do it. I just sorta. Switch off and start drawing, yk? BUT I HOPE IT HELPED!!!!🫶🫶💞💖

in case that was all utter nonsense here’s a speedpaint that’ll hopefully demonstrate my process;;

I also have straight up screen recordings of me drawing but. I don’t think anyone wants to sit though that

thank you for the ask!!!!!have a nice day/night and SORRY THAT ENDED UP THAT LONG

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[fduck0]

As someone who never stops thinking abt Wendy and Abigail, I've always seen Wendy's rework animation as less of a hallucination and more as a simple but effective rundown over Wendy's struggle with her grief through how she remembers Abigail's death. Most notably, I believe the last bit with the bush is either a slightly older memory stitched in or deliberate misremembering as a defense mechanism of sorts. My main reason for thinking this is partially cause yeah no that just didn't happen, but also because to me it makes the previous moments hit so much harder because of the harsh contrast between Wendy's attitude towards Abigail in the two scenes. In the previous, she's dismissive, and has to be dragged away from her books, and is clearly much more reluctant about doing things than Abigail. And in the next scene, Wendy is smiling, laughing, and playing with Abigail. This actually fits quite well with Wendy's dialogue too, but that's besides the point. And with the ending bit, I see it as a basic snap to reality from a deep daydream. Also, one detail I love is how Jack does look concerned for Wendy and briefly tries to reach for her before giving up, which just is soooo good like a big part of Wendy's hashtag issues was not just losing Abby, but also seemingly having very little support after that loss. In general, a lot of Wendy's messy and sometimes contradictory statements and actions are incredibly easily explained by the fact that she's a traumatized and grieving child who in no way has the tools to healthily cope with her emotions and very little support even outside of that. This is why Wendy makes me want to start biting things and why that's my favorite don't start animation 👍

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS PERSON GETS IT.

Tbh while ive never thought ab Wendys animation like that, that is SUCH a good fucking take on it and tbh PRETTY GOD DAMN FITTING to wendys rapid change of emotions in the animation. and with this i have to say, YESSSS SOMEONE IS FINALLY POINTING OUT THE JACK THING.

I feel like a lot of Wendys fear of letting go of Abigail comes from this. Its like a god damn tragedy cycle. feel alone without Abigail- get no support from family- feel more alone and abandoned- cling to the fact Abigail WOULD have been the support and form an unhealthy coping mechanism around it- grow MORE dependent on her and restart. It is essentially what makes her SO god damn afraid and i feel like this quote from her forge vignette puts it best "Wendy clings fiercely to the grief over her sister's death, for fear that moving on would cause Abigail's memory to fade."

With the lack of support from her family and being "left behind", Wendy most probably feels to some extent she is the ONLY one trying to keep Abigail's memory alive. Abigail is the ONLY one she has ever had.

And with this last thing, another YES. A lot of Wendys contradictions can be boiled down to her conflicted and jumbled emotions as a child trying to cope and her fears getting the best of her. Wendy doesnt HATE colours, Wendy hates what memories those colours bring back and the cheerfulness she doesnt feel anymore. it is all a mockery to her grief, but there is STILL a part of her that longs for that part of her childhood back, which leads to a lot of the conflicted quotes as a kid who doesnt know what she wants anymore.

But yeah, we going off again bc WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH Wendy lore is both so cool and complicated and idk how to write down my opinions so they just come out in rambles but like YEAH Keese you are so fucking right

[gyuswhore]

VERY IMPORTANT: Moots as Taylor Swift songs

(Please oh my god)

thank you for sending this in ive been waiting for this for MONTHS

Nobody gets wildest dreams or style because those are MY songs and NOBODY is allowed to touch them

@shuadrive: The Very First Night

dani and i still have a lot of interacting to do to get to know each other better but with what I've read from her and what I've spoken to her about i feel like shes a very meticulous person

in the sense that smaller moments will seem a lot bigger and more meaningful and id like to think she likes to romanticize those things so yeah idk lmao

Lyrics that fit dani:

They weren't ridin' in the car when we both fell Didn't read the note on the Polaroid picture They don't know how much I miss you

@toruro: Gorgeous

the way the lyrics are written is very mika coded plus the vibe too idk i cant explain it its just very mika

Lyrics that fit mika:

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad 

@rubyreduji: New Romantics

this is honestly one of her best songs and i really feel like it has the flashy (?) yet emotional (?) vibes idk its just a very freeing song and i think jj fits here very well

Lyrics that fit jj:

The best people in life are free

We need love But all we want is danger

@fairyhaos: Paper Rings

the song is so vibrant and full of life but also cheeky but also full of love and that's basically yena sfjknvkjfn

Lyrics that fit yena:

When you jumped in first, I went in too I'm with you even if it makes me blue

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

@cheolhub: ...Ready For It?

I have no idea its just vibes in my head rn I think this song is a little unhinged and sar is a couprang so

but also the song is so badass and i sar is so cool she just fits okay

Lyrics that fit sar:

Every lover known in comparison is a failure I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now Never be the same now

@glowunderthemoon: 22

faye sounds like such a fun person to be around and this song is the definition of fun so here this is fo you

Lyrics that fit faye:

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way It's miserable and magical

@gguksgalaxy: The Last Great American Dynasty

i love the storytelling aspect of this song and who better to dedicate this song to than to someone whose writing and storytelling i admire very very much

Lyrics that fit gwaen:

Who knows if I never showed up what could've been There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruinin' everything

@etherealyoungk: Willow

One of my fav songs again, the tune of this song evokes a very specific calm feeling and i think i can relate that to skye i don't have much explanation but the vibes are there

Lyrics that fit skye:

Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in As if you were a mythical thing Like you were a trophy or a champion ring

[raideo]

Issey drama anon here, please tell us about Romance Doll because I have not heard anything about it

also, have you heard of Quartet? I've seen like 50 gifsets from it and it seems legit funny as hell

UMMM WELL- I'll put my thoughts on Romance Doll under a break at the end because the movie is pretty nsfw and weird and yeah...

Quartet is on my list! I'm definitely going to watch it at some point, but I also really wanna watch Miracles! Honestly that one has been the most interesting to me from the beginning but my adhd is just causing me to watch whatever's convenient first, not the ONE IVE REALLY WANTED TO WATCH THIS WHOLE TIME. I still have to finish Koisenu Futari too... I stopped that one cuz I was watching it with someone and we had a long period of time where we couldn't watch it. And then also it's just VERY HEAVY as a person who happens to be demi who has gone through periods of feeling like I could be aroace in the past. It's so realistic and deals with the painful things as well as the funny things and I am scared to finish it bc I KNOW THERES MORE HEAVY SHIT TO COME but it's an amazing show AND I DO WANT TO FINISH THAT ONE TOO.

And on a completely polar opposite note: ROMANCE DOLL, LMAO

Ok so, this movie is very much one of those WEIRDLY REALISTIC stories where all the characters are so real and flawed and HUGE MISTAKES ARE MADE by characters and it's just such a wild ride. You probably haven't heard about it because its FUCKING WACK.

Without giving too much away in case you wanna watch it (netflix dropped it last monday, which is actually why I ended up watching it over the weekend at all, but it's still available to rent on amazon 🙄) Issey plays Tetsuo, an unemployed art college grad who is desperate for a job. His friend gave him a tip about this sketchy job opening but told him literally nothing else about it. He shows up and this old woman greets him and shows him around and he's a bit shocked to find out it's a shop that makes SILICONE SEX DOLLS. The woman is like "your friend didn't tell you that???" And Tetsuo was like "he literally just said there was a job here-" and she laughs and says "Some friend he is then!" Honestly I loved the old lady she's great, I wish I could remember her name I'm too lazy to go look it up rn.

Anyway so yeah, he takes the job even though the interview was super awkward and there's this gross pervy old guy who works there and he doesn't really care about the subject matter he just needs money (mood)

One thing and another happens (and a lot of me wanting to slap the old man into next tuesday, seriously he's the worst) and a little bit later Tetsuo meets the love of his life through some bullshit connection to his job, and they end up getting married some time after, but she doesn't know what he does for a living and ITS ALL VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN WHY HE KEEPS THAT FROM HER without spoiling things but just- the movie is wack, I really didn't like it in the beginning but it pulls a complete 180 and ends up being this weirdly emotional and AT TIMES, a holesome wholesome slice of life movie??

Don't get me wrong it doesn't sugarcoat things like objectification of women and there's some degree of realistic portrayal of that bc of the whole Tetsuo working at a sex doll shop thing, it is very true to life- how men can be gross even if they aren't going so far as assaulting anyone. It doesn't excuse it either it just presents it as it is, which is good I think. But then there are OTHER moments where the movie is very sex positive- so its a wild fucking trip tbh. Definitely don't watch it if you have sensitivities to the things I mentioned above bc bro omg the first half almost had me like "yeah I can't watch this" a couple times jfc.

BASICALLY by the end of the movie the message is that communication and being open with people you love (and not getting bogged down with anxiety and guilt) is important, because on top of not being fair to the people who are important to you, hiding things from them can eat you up inside and make you act irrationally and hurt them even more whether you realize it or not. And also, you never know how someone will feel about the things you don't want to tell them. Something that could be huge to you could be no big deal to another.

Its just a very interesting movie. I don't know if I'd recommend it, theres some NUCLEAR SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT CRINGE MOMENTS like oh my god i wanted to die- and like I said above, there's lots of intense subject matter and some not so pretty moments that a lot of people may want to avoid. Id for sure check one of those sites that gives content warnings before watching bc hoo boy...

But all that aside, once again Issey is an incredible actor and his range is apparent in this movie. I saw some like- borderline SLAPSTICK physical comedy moments that had me so surprised bc he did them so well but its so new and different from anything else ive watched him star in. Dude is just unstoppable tbh. He HAS 👏 THE 👏 RANGE!! 👏

Also you get to see him naked a lot. So there's that!

[dark-full-moon-system]

System answers questions!

Hello! We're back with a new set of questions [here] by @councilsys

I: basics

❤️ - what type of CDD do you have? I believe it's OSDD-1b

🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!) I'm not diagnosed yet, but I'm working on it, even though my psychologist said "we're too stable"

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it? We do on Simply Plural. And the headcount is 44/45.

💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance? Something in the middle? I don't know how to describe it.

💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching? Depends on what's happening....when it's calm around, we stay still in front

💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind? Yeah, we do. Osamu Dazai from BSD, Kindred ( and both Lamb and Wolf separately) from LOL, Crowley from GO and more

🩷 - do you have any subsystems? Yes, two -

II: alters

🎥 - who are your frequent fronters? Ashton, Nyx and Sadie

📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them? I do have, but there is no leading species

🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful? I believe both, and yes, those are useful as hell

📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other? Depends I guess....some of them are less distinct other are more...

📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems? We, whenever go shopping, buy some sweets for the littles

🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters? Yeah, we explained that here

📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.) We have Kindred and both of them separately, Lamb and Wolf, so it is kind of a relationship Bakerin has a crush on Chef

III: switching

☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience? Little to none, it's very distant for us

🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia? Don't think so

⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters? It's mostly a strong headache, zone out sometimes, and that's it

☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually? Those are rather quick

🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’? Yeah, Ashton does. But we do nothing about it, he kinda enjoys that, he's alone there and it's perfect for him

☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while? Yeah, sometimes we do

💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter? It depends on the alter, those who have like a specific role they appear when they are needed

IV: headspace

🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one? We do have one, finally! It's a big planetarium with many hidden places, with planets exhibition, CCTV room and more!

🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace? Everyone "works" there one way or another so they are there whenever they want

☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go? I don't know....maybe they go to the backrooms or the basement, idk

🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace? They do have their areas like Chef and Bakerin are in the cafeteria, gatekeepers are in the guardians' room and more

🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?

Big and complex

🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?

Well, Tony/Tora are locked in the cell and they can't leave

🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?

Had to build it over time

V: general

🍭 - how did you pick your system name?

Well, we all love moon, especially the full moon, especially the dark moon

🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?

we do, even a few names....some of them are just alters names like Ryuu, Ely or Nyx We are pansexual aromantic genderfluid Idk how that happened, it just did

🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)

Nadia to Happy: Happy, stop drinking so many energy drinks! You're happy enough!

🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

they don't. they wait for it to go away with time

🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?

nope

🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)

online friend, two know irl

🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?

it's quiet, mostly they are away from each other, sometimes they message on SP or talk, but hardly ever

🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)

emo

[khodorkovskaya]

my most autistic moment yet (church drama) embarrassing storytime

27.08.23

so okay. i sing in the church choir right. i explained a bit like on how i started here. but basically after easter i came up to the choir director and asked if i could join. and she said "yes, welcome to our choir!". and thats how it all began.

the thing is i didn't grow up religious religious. i feel super out of place at church, idk what to do or how to act. so this whole time ive just been trying to pick up on social queues and do my best to not stick out like a sore thumb. so every time everyone does the cross thing, i do the cross thing, when people bow, i bow, when everyone gets on their knees, so do i. and it all feels pretty awkward i have to say. idk what the fuck im doing or why.

another thing is, im neurodivergent as fuck. i never feel like i belong anywhere. almost every social interaction feels like some kind of test that im failing at. i always feel like the person left out in a group. like my whole life ive just got used to the feeling of being an outsider. it feels like there are these rules everyone follows that i had not been informed of. everyone knows what to do and how to act. and all i do is imitate.

so in this sense church didn't feel too different. people look at me weird, i don''t feel included and everyone's following rules im oblivious too. seems like literally any other social setting, right?

and you may be wondering, why i decided to go to church in the first place if im not religious. well, singing there makes me euphoric and it really scratches an itch idk how to exlain it. the sensory stimulation part of the whole church thing like incense and the hymns that we sing and the aesthetics of it all, like it's very satisfying to me.

but back to the people there. so everyone there is always on edge. people are always shoving and pushing each other. and im always excluded. whenever music sheets are distributed im always skipped, so i often have to look over the shoulder of someone there to see what to sing. but often people dont even want to share with me. and everyone is in their little groups. theyre always whispering to each other and never talk to me. and no one says hello to me either.

so me with my little neurodivergent brain like i didn't think much of it at all. because, like i said, i never feel included anyway. im always the odd one out, like i have chronic imposter syndrome everywhere i go. and plus, i hope i don't get cancelled for racism, but i thought that everyone was mean and cold because they're russian... 💀 like forgive me pls, but like i just thought russians were unfriendly bc like eastern european resting bitch face stereotype. and i didn't want to impose myself and smile and wave if it's not a part of people's culture, right?

so anyway. ive been going to church literally every single sunday after easter without fail. ive been literally the most consistent person there, i show up every time. a lot of people only come like maybe every two weeks. and they don't stay until the end either. or they show up late. but im always there!

so yeah today i was there as usual. and the choir director comes up to me and says "you can't sing with us". and i was like what. and she was like "if you don't come to rehearsals and never show up you can't sing with us". and i was like shit, there are rehearsals??? and she looked at me like "yeahh 🙄 are you not in the groupchat?". THERE WAS A GROUPCHAT ALL THIS TIME????????

LIKE THAT'S WHY I WAS NEVER HANDED THE MUSIC SHEETS AND THAT'S WHY NOBODY SPOKE TO ME. LIKEEE

I WAS NOT OFFICIALLY PART OF THE CHOIR THIS WHOLE TIME AND DIDN'T NOTICE IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭

like it makes sense now. they all have an official groupchat and they all know each other and they have rehearsals and they sing multiple times a week for like other church events.

so yeah.... i literally was an outsider and imposter this whole time... and my neurodivergent ass didn't realise

but okay, conclusion to the story, it gets kinda worse actually.

so the choir director added me to the groupchat. but it's on telegram. and i only use telegram with my close friends. everything else that's like normal/professional i use whatsapp. so on whatsapp i have a normal profile picture and everything. meanwhile on telegram my profile picture is this...

it says "christ has risen" in the corner.

like

when she added me to the groupchat and i realised... i wanted to kms.

like imagine this like super religious woman. going through her contacts. checking if she has the right phone number. clicking on my profile picture to make sure. and seeing. this.

fucking christ has risen akjssjkdhkhd i want to die

i think my church choir phase is officially over.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

auggggggh ive been wanting to make this post for an eternity but i havent been able to because I keep trying to explain myself WELL guess what. Im giving up, heres the song Wenn ich tanzen will from Elisabeth: das Musical with english translations, does it not make you think of what if Feysand was interesting

If you dont wanna watch the whole thing for some reason, I'd like to highlight this part

Fly!

I'll fly alone!

I alone want to accompany you through night and storm

I don't want to be accompanied anymore

Not even by you — I won't let myself be led

You're free only through me

Only through me

Only for me

For me!

For you shall make the way for me

I'm going my own way now

I've seperated myself from you — Leave me alone!

You've fallen in love with me

Because there's no freedom without me

And no one can understand you except for me!

Oh and also this part (theyre kinda singing over each other at this point)

I'm strong enough on my own!

You were only strong as long as you still thought that you were weak

I'm not calling for you!

You will call for me!

I'm not seeking you out!

You will seek me out!

I'm beginning to love my life!

Soon you will hate it!

Okay, I actually lied at the start of this post, I am gonna try to explain myself. My ideal not-boring version of Feysand that I think of when I listen to this song is like. Okay so, the structure of the story is fundamentally the same (except it takes place over a wayyyy longer timespan) with Feyre initially just kinda going about her new life as a traumatized fae and Rhysand coming to pick her up once a month, which ends up helping her because the SC manorhouse is kind of just covered in a bunch of depressing ooze rn (figuratively) and she cant really leave and Rhysand is basically giving her an excuse to hang out in a place without ooze, so its easier for her to have a good time. Rhysand is kinda awkward around her initially because hes basically like "ohhhhhh shit oh fuck, the woman that I tortured UTM as a fucked up way of coping with what Amarantha was doing to is my soulmate!!" because i really hate the fact that Rhysand apparently already knew about her and dreamt about her before she was even fae, it shouldve snapped in place for both of them during that little scene at the end of ACOTAR but Feyre has no concept of how a mating bond is supposed to feel like so shes just kinda like "huh, that felt kinda weird. anyway"

(this inexplicably got very long. like, 6 more paragraphs long. so much for me not explaining myself)

So yeah, Rhysand is hardcore struggling trying to figure out how to win her over despite all of the torture, but fortunately for him all she wants is to be left alone, so he does that, no putting her in unecessary danger and no asking insane favors of her even though theyve only been hanging out for like two weeks. Idrk how, but at some point they would start to get closer, this all happens very slowly, its a true slow-burn. And then one day Tamlin is like "I cant stand it, I need to find a way to break this bargain" so he collects a bunch of guys and he tells Feyre that theyre gonna go out and travel through all of Prythian and maybe even beyond in order to find a way to do it and itll probably take them atleast a few months. And then when Feyre says she wants to come along because this is about her after all, hes like "no, its dangerous and also, if Im gone then the Spring Court is gonna needs its Lady" and then he puts the shield around the manor because yeah, Im keeping Tamlin shitty in this one, sorry. This is about me trying to make Feysand good but trying to figure that out with Tamlin being in-character is too complicated for me rn so Im just gonna stick to the character assassination (thats something SJM probably also said while writing ACOMAF)

So yeah, like in canon, Mor gets her outta there and then Feyre starts permanently staying the night court except shes not going out on political errands because of the war with Hybern because honestly, this whole war plot is so stupid and it feels so unecessary like cmon Sarah girlie, I can tell youre not actually interested in writing politics, just stick to the romance and the healing journey. Anyway, during her stay she inadvertantly starts spending more time with Rhysand and realizing that he suffered too and that hes only human or fae or something like that, which helps her deal with her UTM trauma because she kinda thought of him as the embodiment of all her new trauma, so seeing that hes really not that and that hes just a person that she can make peace with helps her

Rhys is falling head over heels for Feyre because she just reminds him SO much of Cassian while Feyre is kinda conflicted but starting to develop some affection for him, and again, this happens over the course of many many months instead of just two. And after all that time, Feyre is starting feel pretty good and she doesnt really wanna go back to the spring court if shes totally honest with herself and then oops, Tamlin's back! He finds her and hes super worried like "oh my cauldron, feyre, my servants told me he just kidnapped you and they couldnt find a way to free you!! but Im here now and Im taking you back home dont worry" and Feyre feels guilty and shes basically like "yeahhhhh this was totally necessary, I definitely wanna go back... home, its just that he exploited this loophole in the bargain so had to stay here. Totally against my will, oh no it was so bad" and Tamlin tells her not to worry, theyve found a way to break they just need to get back to the spring court so they do that

At the Spring Court, Feyre gets to thinking. She thinks shes basically completely defeated her trauma by hanging out with Rhysand and shes like "well, my trauma was pretty much the main thing that made mine and Tamlins relationship not work, so now that my trauma is gone its gonna be all smooth sailing from here" and she just willfully ignores the fact that his way of coping with his UTM trauma was suffocating her and making it impossible to deal with her own issues and when she pointed it out to him he had a panic attack about it. Also, at this point it kinda hits her that shes been spending all this time with Tamlins enemy and feeling this affection for him that she hasnt really felt for Tamlin ever since theyve been back from UTM and their relationship started getting really bad, so now she feels very guilty and wants to rush into a marriage with him after all. Also, maybe by this point shes revovered enough to take a step back and start focusing on her surroundings again instead of just herself, and she realises that the people of the Spring Court would really need this kind of big celebration after this long time of turmoil and suffering, so maybe that plays into her decision to marry Tamlin as well idk

Meanwhile, Rhysand is back at the night court absolutely CONVINCED that Feyre is gonna come back to him even without the bargain or atleast send him a message or something, because of the mating bond and because by this point he thinks that Feyre loves him back, she just hasnt said it because Tamlin interrupted them or whatever. Yknow, because Feyre stopped throwing shoes at him and started to tolerate his presence somewhat, which are obviously the surefire signs that someone is in love with you. But anyway, Feyre never does get back to him because shes busy with her wedding and also trying very hard not think about either Rhysand or Tamlin too much so she doesnt simply run out into the forest to avoid dealing with all this bullshit

So yeah, Rhysand finds out about Feyre marrying Tamlin and he gets very upset and so he winnows to the Spring Court on the day of the wedding. Feyre has just been dressed up in this gorgeous pastel pink and green pantssuit (thats very important for the story) and now Ianthe is leaving her alone for a bit before the grand wedding ceremony. At this point Rhysand comes in and they have a confrontation thats basically just the song except in dialogue-form, remember when this post was about a song I really like, yeah me neither. During this confrontation I really want Rhysand to bring up the mating bond and kinda throw it in her face and I want Feyre to basically respond "oh, so now the guy who always preached about giving me choices and not letting others decide for me is gonna get on my case for not doing what some god wants from me, gtfo" and thats basically how it ends. Then the next book is the book where Feyre hay to make the choice between Tamlin and Rhysand because its a romance series at the end of the day, so even though I would like the last book to just be Feyre ending up single and going on her own adventures, I recognize that thats not a great ending for a romance series so

I wanna end this off by saying that I was trying to only focus on the romance for this because its easier, if I were to write my ideal acotar sequel it would look different than this even if I used the original acomaf as a base. So yeah, thats it hope you enjoyed my 7am ramblings, I have been awake for three hours already writing this

[funnywormz]

not technically a tv series but the hotel?

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!!!!

favourite character: the manager....... lobby boy is a close second but he can't beat the manager for me....... it's funny bc i didn't like her much at first but the way her character develops throughout the series is so compelling and goddddd i care abt her so deeply. she's so funny and silly without realising it sometimes but she's also So Sad. i love how over the series she softens up just a little bit personality wise and you can see her start to care abt the others despite herself......... i can't fully explain it but she just fascinates me so much im so hyped to see what travis does with her in the future. also her internal monologues while dealing with guests can kinda be a big customer service mood at times LOL

funniest character: i want to say the manager again but im gonna try to be fair here.......... i think the owner is the funniest character but completely unintentionally on his part lmao. he's so Grumpy and his absolutely all consuming hatred for the lobby boy in the earlier seasons is so funny. he just sees the lobby boy standing there and is absolutely fuming exploding with rage. he's silly. also his rivalry with the manager kills me they're just playing passive aggression 4d chess 24/7

best looking character: ok so we never get to actually see them but it's the manager. i know it's her. i instinctively feel like the concierge is probably hot too but the manager is the sexiest of all of them i just know it

3 favourite ships: uhm. i can't rlly think of 3 lol but my top 2 are managerboy (obviously teehee) and ive started becoming fond of the bellhop x the auditor too (idk if it has a ship name). i don't rlly listen to the show with shipping in mind though so i can't say it's something i think abt much. although i am Insane abt managerboy to a degree lol

least favourite character: OUGH. uhm........ idk probably one of the guests lol i don't dislike any of the main cast though

least favourite ship: honestly i don't know enough abt the shipping in the fandom to have a least favourite........ it's not something i think abt often enough to have ships i don't like lol

reason why i listen to it: bc it's good!!!!! idk why i enjoy it so much bc just the basic premise doesn't seem like something i would enjoy, like as a concept it just seems sorta fucked up and repetitive but the writing is just so good.......... i can't help but get into it and care abt the characters despite the fact that they're objectively horrible lol. i adore them. and the horror is so good and the stories are so compelling and always have this deeply emotional level to them that i didn't expect at all when starting the show

why i started watching it: bc of izzy's @/filthyguts amazing art for the show! its art captures the vibe of the show so well i love his stuff so much.......... very very good art. it's been inspiring me a lot tbh lol but im so fucking busy that i can't find the time to draw myself rn and it's tearing me apart a lil bit rip. but anyways yeah i think his art for the show should be compulsory viewing for anyone who listens to it, it complements and adds to the podcast itself so well

[jackienautism]

ive always sort of taken ashley's reaction to that whole situation to be like. in that moment, emily goes from ally to potential threat, and ashley freaks out and her thought process is basically.... "remove the threat". it is mike who escalates and picks up the gun like you said. my guess is, seeing a friend get shot is way different than the possibility of them getting shot? so like... if mike shoots emily, ashley a) sees that reality and b) knows that it wouldn't have happened without her. hence the guilt. but in the case of mike putting the gun down, the potential threat is not gone in any way and ashley didnt have to see her friend Actually get shot. so her reaction is probably from the uneasiness of the situation being unresolved, until she reads the notebook, realizes there was never any danger to her from emily, and THEN feels guilty. hopefully that makes sense? combo of whether or not ashley's unease and panic is actually resolved in the moment, as well as Actually watching emily die or just... having that almost happen.

i honestly have no idea what this is in reference to, but it all makes sense to me yeah! all i wanted was just to talk abt how its kind of fucked (atleast to me) how sam's relationship goes up after ashley reveals the truth 😭 i didnt mean for this to end in a discussion abt the like...bite / shooting scene as a whole. but i appreciate you coming into my inbox nonetheless!

but yeah i really don't blame ashley for freaking out the way she did, its just silly bc didnt jack sooooort of explain the whole situation back in the lodge? i could be TOTALLY misremembering so dont take my word for it. but its just.... he mentions cannibalism and this isnt necessarily cannibalism correct? but yeah. still. ashley is totally one to jump to conclusions before her mind can rly like....digest the situation properly so its sooo in character for her to automatically assume the worse. bc look at the whole basement scene w/ the ghost? her emotions get the best of her and makes her believe things that otherwise have a "rational" / believable explanation. so i totally don't blame her at all for acting the way she does

once again, i totally forget what this could potentially be in reference to fdkgndfg so apologies for that. did they rly like. show that ash was guilty that well though? like. OBV the guilt is gonna be there since her words and actions and whatever sort of led up to the moment of em getting shot, but after that ? does she rly show anything ????? not to say that she doesn't regret what she did and said if em actually dies, bc i jusrt KNOW that isnt true, i just think mike shows more remorse than ashley does which sucks. unless its more of a ...... silent guilt. which is probably is. ive only rly watched the scene and the aftermath once so i cant remember it too clearly sorry

AND I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THIS IS TALLKING ABT.... ITS ABT THE COMMENT SHE MAKES IF MIKE DOESNT SHOOT EMILY RIGHT? hopefully thats what it is fkgnfg but yeah that totally makes sense to me! or wait. is this just abt the potential guilt ashley feels in this scene? AAAAA IM SO SORRY I SAY A LOT OF THINGS AND I DONT WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID!!!! if you wanna clarify things for me if i didnt answer this to your satisfaction id appreciate it dfgknfg but once again, i appreciate the discussion regardless!

once again though, i think that does make sense yeah! esp in regards to ashley's "i hope you did" comment following mike failing to shoot em. bc youre right, the uneasiness and .... anxiety of the situation is still there, so it makes sense why she wouldnt seem very ..... happy over mike not shooting em / not getting her to leave

youre right though it def all depends on what occurs, which is like. realistic. esp from a Human Being perspective. so it sucks that a lot of ppl blow the scene out of proportion and unnecessarily hate on ashley for her (rather realistic) reactions to what's shown to her. bc yeah ok if its put out there or if it ever enters her mind, of COURSE shes gonnna freak out ove rth e potential of em "turning into one of them." the only one who doesnt rly believe it at first is sam and thats due to how ..... levelheaded she is, even under times of stress. but ashley is the COMPLETE opposite of that. she''s like. ive seen others talk abt this before but. she's not grounded in reality, which is a very interesting and good way of putting it. so yeah of course her imagination is going to take her into dangerous places and shit and therefore dictate how she reacts to what happens. hopefully this makes any sense? i know i dont necessarily need to defend her actions here (since plenty of others have already done the same) but i just wanted to get my thoughts down sdfnksdf

[golbrocklovely]

people are saying this has been going on since sams bday but do you remember their 8mil celebration? they were also in la, stas also showed up and brought donuts, but the only one celebrated was sam. I think she does play a big role.

either way i cant wait for your reading. and can i ask if in order to do this can i just buy tarot online and really concentrate? Ive always wanted to get into it

idk if them not celebrating together really had anything to do with the both of them having issues with one another. i feel like a lot was going on with colby and stas at the time, so it's possible he didn't want to be there bc of her. or crazy concept, colby just wanted to be by himself lol

and as for tarot reading, i'm a novice so i don't know everything. but from what i do know, or how i would explain it, it's not technically concentrating. i mean, it is to some extent, but i think it's more about focusing on what question you have in mind and then seeing how the cards lay out. and trusting the universe to answer your question.

and yeah, i basically just bought a couple different tarot card decks over the years and slowly just played around with them. as long as you go into it with positivity and protection, you'll get some very interesting answers. idk how to describe it, but i've always been a very spiritually inclined person so tarot reading was always something i wanted to do and was "easy" for me to do, so to speak. and you can take the meaning of the cards or what they're telling you as seriously as you want to or not.

there's definitely some good online sources you can look into to better understand. even some books. i know i have a couple that i look at occasionally. and god knows there are some good sources on youtube as well.