#i don't even think he actually got all of them on his body at the same time... they healed beforehand
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I'm seeing a lot of people in the comments disparaging this remake, but I do want to go into a few reasons why it doesn't look as strong as the original.
Now of course no one is immune to nostalgia goggles and it's very easy to have that "they changed it, now it sucks!" instinctive reaction, so I am going to try to critique specific things and go into why I think they don't work as well.
First, I want to point out the composition of these two shots and specifically where the focus is.
In our original Hiccup and Toothless literally meet in the middle. With both Toothless and Hiccup pushed off the edge of the screen.
In this version they kept Hiccup fully in scene, but look how the focus of the action is now off to the side. We aren't focusing on either character-- they're both still pushed off to the edges of the screen-- but it's no longer both of them coming together in the middle, but rather Hiccup taking up the scene with Toothless starting to invade it.
Now this bit may be a little nit-picky, but look how perfectly the curve of Hiccup's hand matches Toothless's snout in the original in a way they don't in second image. They are so close, running parallel to each other. That's a very powerful image, and the remake doesn't quite match it.
I see a lot of people in the notes saying the lighting sucks, but no one explaining why. Looking at the bottom pic, you can see it actually has a greater value scale. There are a lot more midtones. Why is this bad? Because the action disappears into the background.
In the first pic there is a clear line of action going from Hiccup's arm to Toothless. By having these the lightest areas in the shot your eye is drawn to them. Then the darkest parts are Toothless's body and Hiccup's vest and hair which make them pop from the background. The most visible part of Toothless is his eye. There's a little bit of highlight on his scales and there's lighter midtones around his body to help clarify his silhouette, but we are drawn to his eye because of the light on dark contrast.
In the lower pic there is some highlight on toothless's scales (look at all that Texture! Wowee! We sure can put our computers to good use adding in details), but why is that the part on Toothless that stands out? Why is that important? Hiccup's arm kind of disappears into the background, and I can see more detail in the background than in our main character. The light sandy beach wants to draw my eye down, but there's nothing important there.
Now I put these in black and white to better see the contrast, but back to the color version, the background is mostly cool tones with warm light settling on our characters: another way in which the first one makes the characters stand out.
The only thing really catching my eye in the second one is that the greens are maybe too green? I'm not getting the same delineation of foreground and background.
There are a few other things to be picky about.
Like Hiccup's costume. Now I don't know enough about costumes to confidently pick it apart detail by detail (and honestly can't make out enough details to do so anyway) but what is one of Hiccup's defining traits? His scrawniness, right?
Look at that skinny little arm reaching out for that dragon. Look how that thin strip of lighter colored fabric visible from under his vest accentuates how slender his trunk is. Look how clearly you can see how he leans away from Toothless even as he reaches out for him. You can see the hesitation in his arm through his slightly bent elbow.
I feel like the bulky, loose costume on the actor makes him look bigger than he should and obscures body language.
Now here's the part where I want to remind y'all that art is subjective. These are some of my thoughts on this, but are by no means the only way view this. Also, please be nice to this kid. He got a chance to play a favorite childhood character. I'm sure he thought it was pretty cool to be given the opportunity and is trying really hard to live up to the role. None of the things I've pointed out here are his fault. Don't be a dick! Actors are people too.
I don't like that this is a thing. But I'm sure many people really tried to put in their best effort into this. Don't let your ire with Universal/DreamWorks for making a cash grab of your childhood nostalgia turn into harassment of artists and actors. I've seen that happen too frequently.
And remember: animation isn't an inferior art form, sometimes it really is the best medium to tell a story in.
httyd got live actioned. trailer just dropped and its uh. hm
idk what i was expecting but what looks like a shot-for-shot remake except with ugly ass high definition cgi that detracts from rather than enhances the cinematography really is. well it's a choice.
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Hi Elle! I'm here to hibernate, and I was thinking maybe a poly!rosekiller (you've got me hooked on Barty and Evan) or whatever pairing you think works best, love all our boys, with either:
“they’ve slept for like twelve straight hours. should i be worried?"
Or
“hey, i think it’s time to go to bed.”
Because I am both. Chronically.
If you don't respond it's totally cool, you're such an amazing writer and so many people love your stuff I totally understand not being able to respond, lovely girl!
P.S remember to drink water :)
thanks so much for the prompt, doll!! and thanks for being here with me; I'm happy to be celebrating with you <3
the winter games
poly!rosekiller x fem!reader who's asleep and Barty's afraid of [702 words]
CW: immature boyfriends, muggle/modern au, Barty hit someone with his car but it was chill and also not pictured, mentions of dicks but not described
Evan swore his eyes were beginning to cross when his paperwork was interrupted by the sound of a hastily whispered “Rosie!”
Evan looked up to see Barty standing in the doorway to his office. Well, it was more like to see Barty’s shoulders and head floating about halfway up the door frame as he leaned around it without actually stepping in.
“What is it, bee?” He drawled as he turned back towards his work.
“I need help.”
“With what?”
“Hiding a body.” Barty deadpanned.
Evan let out a tired sigh and looked up at him. “Again, Barty?”
“With Y/N, Rosie! And for the last time, that cyclist I hit was fine; he bounced right back up and smacked the hood of my car. He certainly wasn’t too hurt to cuss at me.”
“What’s wrong with your Treasure?” Evan asked - diverting yet another grumbling at how inconvenient hitting another man with his car was for Barty - as he organized his sheets into a neat stack. He may have called you Barty’s Treasure, but you were his sugar, and Barty seemed to think you needed his help so Evan was inclined to help you.
“She’s asleep.” Barty said simply - troublesome cyclists forgotten - causing Evan to pause.
“I hardly see what the problem with that is, Barty.”
Barty stomped his foot and rolled his eyes as if it were Evan who was being rather meddlesome and vague. “She’s asleep in the kitchen.”
Oh…that was the problem.
Sure enough, covered in an array of flour, sprinkles, and icing, you were resting your head on one folded arm with a piping bag sitting dejectedly in your opposite hand; a small stream of red icing pooling out the bottom. Sound asleep.
You’d refused Barty’s help earlier in the evening, stating that he wouldn’t do as good a job and you wanted your holiday cookies to be perfect. Evan didn’t particularly blame you for that, but he did feel rather guilty that you couldn’t trust your boyfriend to not pipe dicks on all of your sugar cookies when your back was turned.
“You didn’t want to wake her up?” Evan surmised as he gently took the piping bag from your hand.
“Listen, I love her with my entire being, but I’m kind of afraid of her.”
Evan couldn’t help but huff a laugh at that. “Fine, can you clean this up then?” He asked, gesturing vaguely to the state of the kitchen as he came up behind you and leaned over your frame.
“Sugar.” He murmured as he gently rubbed at your shoulders. “Come on, doll.”
An incoherent sound of discontent escaped your lips as you tried to rise; Evan’s weight above you kept you from sitting up too quickly.
“Hey, I think it’s time for bed.”
“But, th��cookies-”
“Will be here in the morning.” Evan argued as he allowed you to sit up slowly. “Barty’ll even help you with them.”
“No he can’t, Ev. He’ll ruin them.”
“He will not because whilst he’s helping you, I will be supervising Barty.”
He felt something warm in his chest as he watched you struggle to wake up; brain working overtime to make sense of your surroundings and to make sense of what Evan was trying to tell you.
“We’ll get it done in the morning, yeah? Together.” He offered gently.
“Yeah…” You let out with a sigh after a beat, Barty letting out a sigh of relief of his own from behind him.
“Go get in your pyjamas, pretty girl.” Evan instructed as he helped you stand, pressing a kiss to your hair and patting your hip in dismissal before watching you plod off in the direction of the bedroom.
“Ev, can’t I just-”
“No.”
“Just one.”
“I said no, Bee.” Evan pressed more forcefully.
“I hardly see what the issue with one festive dick is.” Barty grumbled as the two of them followed you towards the bedroom. “What if I save that one and then we give it to Reg?”
That gave Evan pause.
“One.”
“Thank you!”
“What’s happening?” Your voice sounded from somewhere in the washroom, causing both boys to freeze outside of it.
“Nothing.” They chorused; one of them in the form of a question and the other in the form of a delighted cheer.
#elle's hibernating#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#self insert#reader insert#barty gate#barty crouch jr#barty crouch junior#evan rosier#rosekiller#poly!rosekiller#poly!rosekiller x reader#poly!rosekiller x you#rosekiller x reader#rosekiller x you#poly!rosekiller fic#poly!rosekiller blurb#poly!rosekiller ficlet#poly!rosekiller imagine#poly!rosekiller fluff#ellecdc fics
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This AU by @keferon has been burrowing in my brain
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In hindsight, Jazz realized he was stupid.
Unabashedly, completely stupid.
No one back home would have called a mecha pilot stupid, not with all the pain and training it took to even have a chance to look at a suit, but he was! He shouldn't have stayed out too long on the mission that had changed his fate, shouldn't have waved at that stupid satellite, but he did, and was taken far from home and brought to a place that was slowly becoming his second.
Cybertron.
Jazz was stupid when he decided to keep the fact that he wasn't truly one of them to himself, realizing eventually he was as alien as they were. He was stupid when he began to work with the Cybertronians rather than find a way back home, fighting the things that had brought him out deep into space in an effort to stave off homesickness. Oh, Jazz was so fucking stupid when he began to make friends with these Cybertronians, laughing at jokes he didn't quite understand and listening to their woes as he settled into their strange but oddly Earthen-like way of life.
What made him the most idiotic lifeform this side of the galaxy, however, was falling for one bot in particular.
Prowl had been the very first alien he'd met, speaking to him in that beautiful Cybertronian melody (language but whatever) that cut right through the pain he'd been in. Call it an inevitability, call it destiny, Prowl was the first one he'd met, and Jazz made damn sure he'd make a friend out of him. Sure, it was hard at first as Jazz had to not only decode an entire alien language but learn how to mimic it through his mecha, but once he got the ball rolling, it was a breeze. Prowl had been uncomfortable with him at first, which, all things aside, he didn't quite blame the mech for being suspicious of a strange mech, but over time he'd won him over. Of course, his stupidity would eventually catch up mere days after he had finally worked up the courage to actually tell Prowl how he felt, because the universe knew how stupid he was.
It came in the form of a Quintesson blade catching him in the wrong area, slicing right through his mecha's chest armor and right into his piloting seat. It took a second to register that something was wrong, the connection with his suit fizzling out when Jazz felt the pain from his actual body slamming into him like a truck. He knew pulling the blade out was stupid, but Jazz needed it out right now ohfuckithurtsstopthepain -
He's not sure how long he was out, but he knew the jig was up the moment he started coming to.
Muted voices sounded out from around him, some laced with anger, others with curiosity, and only one with concern. Jazz knew it was Prowl's, and judging from the finger (it's a digit come on now idiot) that gently poked his side, he was most likely unsure of what to think at the moment. With a sigh, Jazz slowly cracked open his eyes, finally taking in the mech he'd come to love with his own eyes for the first time.
"Hiya Prowler." His voice is scratchy with dehydration, the tactician and everyone else in the room going silent at his voice. "What's shakin'?"
"Jazz?" The wings (doorwings man come on) he spent hours watching twitched in discomfort, helm tilted as Jazz tried to sit up, only to hiss and slump back with a groan. "It is not wise to move right now, your...you are heavily damaged."
"Gettin' stabbed does that to ya." The attempt at lightening the mood falls flat, but no one is really sure how to react, so they don't call him out on it. He can see Ironhide and Optimus staring at him from behind Prowl, the Prime looking mystified, while Ironhide seemed to be going back and forth from awe to suspicion to uncertainty.
"Pulling the blade out instead of waiting for help was extremely poor judgment," Ratchet grumbled from the other side of Jazz, the medic giving him a grumpy look. "However, if you hadn't, I would not have found...you."
"Where's my mecha?" Jazz slowly moved to pull the scrap of cloth he'd been covered in back, honestly surprised with how neatly his midsection had been bandaged, or whatever the strange gel substitute was. "Oh...huh."
"Your frame's in a private med bay, I've been able ta repair some of it so far." Wheeljack moved into view with a cheerful wave, having picked up the motion from Jazz. "I've got ta tell ya, I'm impressed with all the work that's gone into it!"
"Thanks." Jazz gently poked at the gel after smiling at the scientist, eyeing the wound underneath with a sick sort of fascination. "I was expectin' this to be worse."
"Some of our organic allies were able to help to an extent, but your biology was only so similar." Ratchet shook his head, clearly displeased. "You're not going anywhere anytime soon, so I would get comfortable. In fact, I want everyone out so Jazz can get some rest, everyone but Prowl." Despite all the questions most of the high command had, Ratchet's word was law, so the medbay emptied until it was just Jazz and Prowl.
"Do you require anything?" Prowl's voice was the same as it always was, but Jazz had come to know him enough that he was tense and sorely out of his element.
"I could use some water, but I can go without." Those wings raise a fraction of an inch (or he's guessing, it's hard to tell without his enhanced sight sigh), and he winces. "Y-You're fine Prowler, I'm fine."
"You are not fine." Prowl grabbed a nearby stool and dragged it over, sitting at the head of the bed that seemed too large for the tiny organic. "I do not understand how you can say that."
"Pain is an old friend, I just...normally have access ta the proper help, ya know?" Jazz adjusted himself to have a better view of his mech, heart skipping a beat when Prowl reached over to gently help, the metal cool against his back. "Thanks."
"Jazz? May I ask you something?" His servo remained where it was, moving to brush against the side of Jazz's face with the greatest care he could manage. "Why did you not tell us?"
"Well...I'm stupid." Jazz leaned into the touch with a soft hum, Prowl's head tilting at the noise. "I figured you were all piloted mecha like myself, just with more money poured inta ya, but by the time I figured out you weren't...it was too late?" Prowl didn't need to know the reason he'd vanished for two days was to deal with the mental breakdown he had at the news, not his proudest moment.
"Why have you not sought to return home?" Prowl watched as several microexpressions crossed the org- Jazz's face, brown optics flickering between his face and the berth as he struggled with the answer.
"Honestly? Besides fightin' these bastards who attack my home on their turf? You."
Oh
Wings taut with tension relaxed as the information was processed, a soft click escaping his vocalizer as Prowl looked down at the person who had turned his life around.
"What I said to you a few days ago? It's true, every damn word of it." Jazz leaned his head to press his dermas to Prowl's digit, and idly, he wondered what it must taste like to an organic. "I fell for ya, heart an' soul."
"...what is a heart?" The laugh that burst from Jazz's dermas nearly made Prowl jump, the sound familiar as it was strange without the vocalizer in Jazz's frame. He's not sure why the question is so amusing, but then again, Jazz had always had a peculiar sense of humor, so all he could do was give a rare smile to his organic as the tension in the room slowly faded away.
"Ah Prowler, always known how ta make me feel better." The ache from the laugh aside, Jazz smiled at seeing Prowl's doorwings completely relaxed, the good deed of the day accomplished.
"I do try." The Praxian leaned forward to gently press helm against Jazz's, giving a soft purr as he cycled his optics off. "I am relieved you are safe, when I saw your energon staining Ratchet's servos..."
"I'm a stubborn guy, one blade isn't takin' me out." Jazz reached over with his better arm to touch Prowl's cheek, the metal warm against his hand. "Got too much ta live for."
"Indeed."
Ratchet returned a breem later to find the organic deep in recharge, Prowl cradling Jazz in his servos. Some unfamiliar thick fabric was resting between Jazz and the limb, cushioning the injured man far better than the fabric someone had found in a storage crate, judging by the lack of stuttered venting they had heard earlier. Prowl said nothing to the medic as he continued to murmur to Jazz as he read through a data pad, looking down occasionally to watch the subtle rise and fall of Jazz's chassis. Prowl still surprised the older bot with his dedication to work despite holding his injured partner, only shaking his helm as he dropped off some energon before disappearing into his office for his own work. There was going to be a lot of chaos when Jazz would have the chance to talk to everyone else, the news already spreading like a virus throughout the army, but that was a problem for another cycle.
For now, Jazz was resting with the mech he'd fallen for, and as far as Prowl was concerned, nothing would interrupt his partner's rest.
#personal#transformers#mecha pilot jazz au#mecha pilot jazz#prowl#tf prowl#jazz x prowl#keferon#jazzprowl#absolutely feral for this AU
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Mera, with your infinite wisdom is there any chance you’d make an accidnetal pregnancy fic with floyd? you have the best understanding of his character that i’ve seen from any author. he wouldn’t be all too excited and irresponsible throughout fatherhood like most people assume. i think he’d be surprisingly chill and understanding with most stuff. (im staring at that one omegaverse fic you wrote for him out of the corner of my eye)
Omg yes!! I'd love to write an accidental pregnancy fic with Floyd. I'm so glad to know my portrayal of him is accurate! He's so fun to write for. <3 the scummy, sleazy Floyb fic (The Law of Magnetism) actually involved the accidental pregnancy trope, but I scrapped it for plot reasons. >_<
aaaaa the omegaverse fic!!!!! I definitely want to write another like it. I love the idea of exploring parenthood with Floyb. Sweetest eel who will take responsibility as soon as you break the news to him, who will be okay with whatever your decision is because it's your body, who just wants you to be comfortable and happy. In my mind he's quite mature about the entire thing, but then he's also not completely free of flaws. He's going to be inexperienced as any first-time parent normally is, but he's very good with kids in general (reference: first Halloween event) and so you won't have to worry about how he'll be with your kid. He's so full of love. :D
But also,,, I just think he'd be a little nervous himself. Having to tell his parents he got someone pregnant without even planning it and so they may or may not become grandparents if the baby is indeed on the way. But the Leech parents love and cheer for their boys fiercely, allowing them to be independent and make mistakes and succeed, so you and Floyd immediately have their full support. Mama and Papa want to meet you so badly and they don't even know if you're planning to keep the child yet! At this point, you're basically an honorary member of their family, much to Floyd's embarrassment sometimes. Having to sit there while his father shares all kinds of stories from when Floyd was a brat, and Floyd's just whacking him with his tail like "okay, I think Shrimpy's heard enough of that." >:/ grumbling with a flustered face, arms folded across his chest as he pouts..... he's so silly and cute.
One of Floyd's biggest appeals is his emotional intelligence and his ability to read the atmosphere in a room and be so in touch with his emotional self!!! I love that about him so much. T^T <3
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Filled with Static...
Summary: Yuu was already fed up before coming to Playful Land and now that it's over... She has some very choice words for she has reached her boiling point...
Sorry in advance~
Yuu watches with hollow eyes as Fellow and Gidel depart without having to face the consequences of their actions. Everyone jokes around her about what they just went through, but static is rapidly and quickly filling Yuu's ears. She moves away from the group and makes her way down a street, unaware of the sound of footsteps behind her. A hand lands on her shoulder and she's quick to slap it off.
"Ow, rude much?"
Yuu turns to see Ace with his arms crossed. "What?"
"Just wanted to know why you took off like that."
"Why do you care?"
"Wow, jeez." Ace scoffed. "I knew you were snippy from the start, but I thought that would've cleared up. What's the big deal?"
"What's the big deal? What's the big deal!?" Her voice echoes throughout the small area of the docks. "Ace, are you fucking blind as well as a total fucking moron!?" She jabs her hand to where Playful Land used to be. "We almost got turned into puppets and sold off because of you guys!"
"Hey, we got out in the end!"
"No, we didn't. If Fellow hadn't gotten that phone call, we'd be goners." The others have stopped a few feet away, but Yuu ignores them. "And you're cracking jokes about it."
"Well, destroying the park was-"
"I mean about the whole thing, you brainless baboon." She snarls. "From the start, you ignored all the fucking warning signs that said you should stay far away from this man. Did Azul tricking you not ring any bells in that empty head of you?" She tapped her finger against Ace's forehead. "And even when you were told that the warning signs were blaring red, you still ignored them."
"Hold on." Ace growled. "Why am I getting signaled out?"
"Oh it's not just you, Ace." She points behind him. "It goes double for those cacophony of idiots."
"Wow, rude, Yuu-chan..." Cater mutters.
"I get that you guys are like this. It's all fun and games to the ones who can use magic." She shakes her hand in a mocking way. "But this is just another scar on my body that I do not need." She pulls up her sleeves to show the overblot scars...as well as a new wooden looking scar on her wrist. "You guys think this is a joke, when it's not. You're risking my life with your guys shit."
"You came with us!" Ace argues.
"Cause I had to make sure my useless excuse for a fucking cat didn't keel over and die!" Yuu shouts and begins shoving Ace. "You. Treat. Me. Like. I'm. Expendable." She pushes him back. "I'm a living being too, jack ass, what I have done to warrant being treated lower than dirt? Every time this happens, and I almost lose my life in the process... how many more times is this going to be an almost before it actually happens?"
The red head narrows his eyes and snorts. "If you hate it here so much, why don't you just go back home?"
"Ace..." Lilia tries to say but is cut off by Yuu socking Ace in the face and sending him to the ground.
"NEWS FLASH, ASSHOLE!" The look in Yuu's eyes are murderous. "I'VE BEEN TRYING TOO! YOU GUYS CAN JUST CALL UP YOUR FAMILY OR SEND THEM A QUICK TEXT TO CHECK UP ON THEIR WELL BEING! YOU'RE A PORTAL AWAY FROM HOME! I HAVE NOTHING, I GOT NOTHING, I HAVE NO FAMILY HERE AND I AM REMINDED OF IT EVERY DAY BY YOU GUYS AND BY CROWLEY!" Tears well up in her eyes. "I've had it here. I'm gone. I'm leaving NRC, I'm getting far away from you guys." She turns to leave and rubs her eyes. "Enjoy the rest of your fucking lives."
"Yuu-chan!"
"Shrimpy!"
"Herbivore, come back!"
"Potato!"
"Henchhuman!" Grim tries to follow after her only to lower his ears and back up as she shoots the darkest glare she can muster at him. "I'm....I'm..."
Yuu disappears into the morning crowd that had gathered to learn what the commotion was about. She did not return to NRC that day...rather Crewel had found her, curled up outside his temporary house.
"Oh, Pup...." He pulls his coat off, wraps it around the crying young lady, and helps her inside.
#so hey I was feeling like utter trash today#and this popped into my head because I remember saying that Yuu was hella tired during Playful Land#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#yuu homura#divus crewel#twst fic#playful land#lilia vanrouge#cater diamond
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HBU a Bill Cipher x reader about a reader who really likes being possessed by Bill Cipher so frequently is possessed by him
Inside you
Bill x Reader
words: 1,381
tags: sfw, whatever Bill has going on
a/n: didn’t know if you wanted this to be cute or not, might make a nsfw version one day if i feel like it
You were Ford's assistant, working with him and Fiddleford on the interdimensional portal. Even after the incident occurred and Fiddleford left the project, you and Ford pressed on.
Although, you weren't really in it for the portal or the science or whatever. You were way more interested in this muse of his. Bill Cipher. A triangle shaped entity, who had the ability to enter someone's mind if they agreed to it. Who could also haunt your dreams if you didn’t.
He didn’t have to haunt your dreams though, he was already a part of them. Even though seeing Ford with yellow eyes and no self-preservation instincts was a little scary, you couldn't help but imagine how nice it must feel to have Bill in your mind.
Just for once you wanted to lean back and let someone else do the work for you. The work being moving your body from room to room and so on.
One day, when he was in control of Ford's body, you breached the subject to him. "Ford doesn't like you running around in his body, you know that, right?" Bill just laughed in a garbled version of Ford's voice.
"Of course I know! That's part of the fun." You hummed. "But wouldn't it be more fun to actually share a body? With someone who won't resist? And if it's tormenting Ford you're after, think of what it would do to him to see someone else under your control."
Bill narrowed Ford's eyes at you, stepping closer. He was intrigued. "What are you suggesting?" You smirked at him. "A deal. You get to take my body for a spin... whenever. The only condition is that I don't want you to break my bones or leave me with an open wound or something."
He turned Ford's head, suspicion on their face. "And what exactly are you getting out of this?" You smiled and sighed dramatically. "To relax! I get to take some time off from having to work this meat prison." Bill laughed loudly.
"You're either crazy or the sanest human I've ever met. Either way, you got yourself a deal." Bill held Ford's hand out to you, a small blue flame surrounding it. You gladly took it and suddenly felt like you were falling, even though you didn’t move from your spot on the ground at all.
You were still holding Ford's hand as he sank in on himself, raising his other hand to his head. Meanwhile, you felt something change. A new presence in your own mind. "Let's see if I can make you regret this."
Ford's eyes raised up to your hands and then up to your face, terror spreading on his face. "Bill. What have you-" You interrupted him. "He hasn't done anything yet. So don't worry about it. Let's get back to work."
Ford eyed you suspiciously. It was your voice, your eyes weren't yellow... there was no sign of Bill being in control of your body. But he was gone from his own mind and that unsettled Ford greatly.
While Ford and you continued to work away at the portal, Bill was making himself comfortable in your mind, snooping around your memories and getting a picture of who you are as a person.
When he came across the section of your mind that held your dreams and he found himself in there, making you laugh or holding your hand gently... well, if he was human then he surely would have blushed at that. But he wasn't. And he certainly didn’t care about human emotions. Gross.
Eventually, you and Ford decided that you were done for the day (it was long past midnight) and started to pack up. Bill pulled you from the steering wheel, taking over your body. "Sixer." Ford looked up at him in horror.
"So you are inside them!" Bill waved him off. "Yeahyeahyeah, big surprise. Whatever. Where did you find this person? Their mind is... so clean and orderly. But their dreams..." His/Your voice trailed off, not actually wanting to tell Ford about your dreams. "We went to university together. Same as with Fiddleford." Bill nodded absentmindedly.
While Bill was hanging out with Ford, you laid back, enjoying your break. You quickly tuned their conversation out and instead took a stroll through your mind. It was a funny way of perceiving your own thoughts. Basically being able to walk in on them like they were little rooms scattered around your mind.
You got lost in your own mind but eventually were pulled back into reality as Bill took a step back. You found yourself in your bed, in your pyjamas. You didn’t even feel hungry.
The only thing that was a little off was the dull pain in your shoulder and knee. It felt like you had fallen down a flight of stairs. Bill had probably decided it was faster than to walk them. You ignored the pain and went to sleep.
The following days were much of the same: Working on the portal with Ford, occasionally letting Bill take charge to correct Ford on some equations or whatever. On your way out of the lab Bill would usually take over, taking your body for a spin.
Usually, you watched him do it, just see what he was up to. You saw him fling your body off of whatever ledge he could find that wouldn't harm your body too seriously. The deal you made clearly stated that he wasn't allowed to break your bones.
But it didn’t forbid him to get you a tattoo. It was simple enough. A heart with an arrow through it that just read "Bill", effectively claiming you as his. You didn’t mind though. Something about this triangle made you want his attention.
The fact that he went out of his way to brand you as his made you feel kind of special. Who else could say that about themselves? Well, Ford could, but you didn’t know that and Ford had no intention of telling you about it.
After a couple weeks of this, Bill got a little irritated with you. Inside your head, he sparked up a conversation. "Why doesn't this bother you? I actively harm you, your relationship with Ford and everyone around you. I branded you. What more will it take to get you upset?"
You laughed at him. "Shouldn’t you know? I thought you could read minds - what's stopping you?" Bill frowned, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Nothing! I looked! As far as I can tell you have never thought one single bad thing about me. That's nuts!"
You waved at him dismissively. "It's not. If you truly knew what it was like to be human you'd get it." Bill shook his head and floated closer to you, locking eyes. "Nuh-uh. Ford doesn't get it either. He's human, too!" You clicked your tongue. "Yeah, but he's also a giant baby."
Bill stared at you, not believing what he's hearing. He sighed and rubbed his eyebrow. Or his equivalent to an eyebrow anyway.
"There is something interesting I did find in your mind though." You just raised an eyebrow at him. "Why are you dreaming about you and me doing... coupley things together? From what Ford explained to me about human relationships, that's just gross."
You blushed at being called out like that but stood your ground. "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it." A beat of silence passed. Then Bill floated closer to you, his stare intense. "Kiss me then." You stared at him, shock written all over your face.
The problem was, you hadn't quite figured that part out yet. What, with him having no mouth and all. However, as he said that, something happened. Without your doing, a few doors to different thoughts flew open and things that looked like pieces of film tape floated out of them, surrounding you both.
They showed different ways you had fantasized about kissing that stupid triangle. As you realized what you saw you blushed even more, hiding your face in your hands.
Bill looked around you both and then back to you. Now this was something. This was amusing. Finally, he had found something to torment you with. Your own attraction to the triangle. Now the fun could begin.
#zigreth answers#gravity falls#gravity falls x reader#zigreth writes#bill cipher#bill cipher x reader
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I don't have the energy to actually write much about Sebastian knowing proper choking techniques, so just a quick thought:
Ignoring an obvious kinky undertone that I strongly get the vibe from for Seb, I judt know he's been choked a time or two and has picked up techniques through bascially osmosis, lmao, what if Seb knows how to choke someone properly because of his role for Bucky? The winter soldier does it a shit ton. He had to have been trained for that. Stunts don't fuck around and choreography takes time to learn. Time that, Chris, we know, takes less of. He picks up stunts wildly fast, being shown beats back to back and parroting them perfectly. Seb, like a normal human, takes more time.
So, Sebastian probably worked a lot more with the stunt doubles and stunt performers before finally having Chris show up for a few practice runs before the final shot.
They practice a lot.
They test a few different camera angles, trying to figure out exactly how to solve this artistic problem. The tension pulls Chris' muscles into a tangled knot of anticipation. He could vibrate out of his fucking skin.
The intensity of that repeat repeat repeat, hand-around-your-neck problem solving is hell. Sisyphean if the boulder were pressing on your throat and you liked it. It's the closest Chris has been to Seb. Maybe. They've shot lots of scenes. Lots of stunts. None quite like this, though. Even when they were wrestling, all but fucking grinding, for Captain America: Winter Soldier, Chris at least knew how terribly torturous that would be, how much he would struggle through gritted teeth not to get hard. Here, now, he didn't expect this. It hits.
It's good.
It shouldn't be. But it is.
Chris has been fucking lusting after Seb hard since that first film--who could stare up at Sebastian (standing on an apple box to give the illusion hieght difference for skinny Steve) and not fall madly in love lust with such a pretty man--and needing to have his fist, cold and hard yet so gentle and caring every time they call cut, wrapped around his throat for his fuckin' job only makes it worse.
It was worse already when Seb showed up to set jacked outta fucking control, looking thick as fuck, prowling around, heavy and taking up space but still being so fucking sweet.
It's worse than worse the next morning when Chris rolls over in bed, sleeping naked, to feel a low, thrumming ache deep in the tendons and muscles of his throat to go with the gentle, expected pulse of morning wood between his legs--he knows how he gets on set with Sebastian, so close to him, breathing in his cologne, watching his face evolve, choking back the constant urge to praise his skill, his beauty, his everything.
Chris knows, immediately, with such a sensation around his neck even without the assistance of a mirror that he's got bruising, probably faint. He's just pale enough for it to show, he's sure, but, yes, bruising.
Huh.
Chris swallows on reflex, his mouth suddenly dry, then again on purpose, reveling in the ghostly, intimate sensation of squeezing touch. Tight. Touch. Just enough constriction to make him start to feel the edge of dizzy, like being tipsy.
Yeah.
The memories of yesterday lazily replay in Chris' tired mind.
A shiver rolls through him, leaving behind an army of goosebumps raised over his bare skin despite the heat of his body trapped in his bedsheets. The idea of Sebastian touching him--touching him--his mark left on his body, pressed into his skin, reminding him of exactly what he did, grabbed him and pulled him close, biceps fucking bulging, shoulders shifting, eyes so intense, mouth pink, face, just, like that.
God.
Chris remains in his bed, swallowing, sweating, and... thinking... for a little longer than he should.
He's late for his call time.
And he absolutely does not blush when the makeup artist clicks their tongue, carefully brushing their fingers across his jaw this way and that to get a sense of the bruising, and tells him he should ask the director for a raise. The stunt performers get adjustments, you know, when they take a really hard fall, so should you. That, or, see if you can bruise Seb up in return--they don't mean it, everyone loves Seb on set. It's impossible not to, look at the guy!
Chris doesn't want a raise. He doesn't want... he wants... he kinda wants Seb to do it again. He might really want to ask Seb to show him how so he can use it against him 🥴�� He wants red-faced and gasping and hitching breaths that are more moans than anything else, he wants eyes rolling back, he wants trembling, he wants lips loosely whimpering tighter, harder, more, please 😮💨
#you KNOW at least once during those takes Chris' breath hitched and then came out rough... almost like a moan... almost like he really liked#feeling seb's hand around his throat more than he should#fandomfluffandfuck#chris evans#sebastian stan#evanstan#rpf#real person fanfiction
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I can't stop thinking about Prime and Rescue Bots sharing a universe. Like what all did the Rescue Bots know about during the war. Do they know about Unicron, Team Prime's base getting destroyed, do they even know Smokescreen exists? Same goes for Team Prime. When did each member find out about the Rescue Bots (if they found out), how often did Optimus think about just letting his Dino-bot side out during a battle, did they worry about M.E.C.H. finding out about them? This universe makes me absolutely feral with things like this and I love it.
Honestly I'm pretty sure they didn't even register Unicron happening because disasters are just the natural state of griffin rock. "Oh another earthquake? Yeah okay, let's go fellas, we got work."
They likely didnt know about the base being destroyed until after they relocated just with how often the bots try to get a hold of team prime and reach nobody until whichever fiasco is happening is over.
They definitely know about most of team prime just with how much they knew about Bumblebee alone, but they likely only learned about Smokescreen if Blades and Bumblebee talk outside of necessary-for-work comms.
Honestly I'm pretty sure all of team prime knows about griffin rock even if they don't get an episode there. If it's restricted information to, say, Arcee and Bulkhead, then its a bit confusing that Optimus would freely reveal it to Bumblebee when he ranks lower. And we know Ratchet is aware of them since he had to help find a cure for the paralytic virus in the first bumblebee episode. I'd guess he debriefed the others on the new bots and the griffin rock project right after they touched down to earth for the first time.
I truly, genuinely, honestly believe Optimus should've gone dinobot mode at some point during prime but either that episode came out after the show already ended or they just did not have the budget to model a full t rex mode. But in the timeline where things lined up just the right way to allow it to happen, please imagine with me: dinobot Optimus vs predaking. T rex vs a dragon. Somewhere in the multiverse, beast wars Megatron is weeping.
As for MECH's involvement, I think it's actually implied Morocco has been selling them tech. There's a nonzero chance Nemesis Prime used a Morbot as a base and they modified it from there after they learned enough about cybertronian anatomy to make a copy of prime.
All in all the Ramifications of these shows being so deeply intertwined has me FUCKED UP and I want to see the two teams hanging out so so so badly. Boulder, Graham and Bulkhead all getting to talking and finding out about Bulkhead's construction experience and being like legitimately hyped that they have that in common, and then Bulkhead having a full on out of body experience because hey wait why are the smart guys treating him like he's One of Them and not calling him dumb? Arcee and Heatwave shooting the shit about how frustrating the people they live with can be, but they still love their teams to death. Both of them snarking at Kade. Blades and Bumblebee being Gay on Main alnd Jack, Raf and Miko clamoring for DETAILS while Dani cheers them on. Ratchet being miserable because by Primus why are there so many humans, three of them is already exhausting, until Cody starts talking to him and he conveniently forgets his plan to go hide out in his room. Chase being out of his depth around Miko, aka Chaos Personified. Optimus, June, Fowler and Charlie just slowwwly forming a Tired Parents Club in the corner.
In conclusion your honor I liek when the funni robot shows crossover :]
#maccadam#transformers#tfp#rescue bots#optimus prime#ratchet#bulkhead#arcee#bumblebee#jack#raf#miko#cody burns#chief burns#kade burns#dani burns#graham burns#heatwave#blades#boulder#chase#smokescreen#predaking#they make me unwell your honor
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thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too
<3 thanks Anon.
Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.
I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.
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The really funny part is the chaos of the potential misunderstandings and miscommunication that would then ensue especially if wanda didn't intend to keep things secret so she doesnt realize that her team doesnt know and if she doesnt really get the chance to explain everything all at once. Like Im imagining the Avengers don't even know that wanda isn't actually staying at the avengers compound right because they all have their own places and are off doing their own thing. Clint's back on the farm with his wife and kids and is semi retired natasha is splitting her time between her own apartment or wherever and spending time with melina, alexi, and yelana plus dealing with all the former black widows and stamping out any remnants of the red room tony is running si and spending time with pepper, Morgan, and Peter etc... none of them really use the compound as anything more than a headquarters for missions and a place to hang out or crash when a mission runs long and they don't realize that wanda isn't actually staying there either not until they're needing a place to lay low and wanda without thinking just goes why don't we go back to my house and since I ship agatha/rio/wanda we have wanda just casually mention that "it might be a bit crowded with my wives and kids home but they won't mind and nobody will look for us there" and everybody else is confused because what is she talking about ? what does she mean her kids?! What does she mean wives?!?! Just them being totally confused because when did wanda have kids? and why didn't she mention them? but also... when did she get married? and if she hasn't come out yet, they're just like, since when was she gay? and did she just say wives?! and this is before they even get to Westview and meet everybody so wanda is realizing just how little they know and decides to just take them home with her and give them the rundown when they get there except the avengers don't know about nicky or how the twins came to be and about all the rapid ageing and reincarnating into other bodies and all that so after the avengers calm down a bit they start figuring okay so wanda started seeing somebody or maybe had a one night stand in the last few years while they weren't around and didn't tell them she got pregnant and had a baby till now so they are expecting little kids if not toddlers until they get to Westview and are met with two teenagers which considering wanda is in her late 20's-mid 30's I think and the twins look like they're in their late teens which has them all doing the math in their heads trying to calculate how old wanda would've been when she had them. Just the thought of wanda happily introducing her kids to her friends as they are all mentaly spiraling into protective older sibling mode thinking that wanda was a teen parent which only gets worse when they recal that wanda was with hydra meanwhile wanda is oblivious and is just glad that the people she loves are all meeting each other. And imagine if the kaplans show up before wanda can explain but she still introduces them as Billy's other parents so now the avengers are looking at Jeff assuming he's wandas ex and the twins bio dad (which I guess is technically true for Billy seeing as the body is still Williams) and are fully ready to fight him thinking that he abandoned a teenage wanda while she was pregnant with the twins. I also think it would be hilarious if the Avengers meet agatha and rio and find out that rio is Lady Death and wanda gets her own. "What can I say? I like the bad boys" moment.
Or, Alternatively, wanda is purposefully hiding the kids and everybody else from the Avengers but is failing. Badly.
Like just imagine the team is in a meeting discussing an upcoming mission or something and wandas phone is going off and it's either agatha or rio or one of the kids calling because they miss her and want to know when she coming home or maybe there's some magic based emergency back home and they need help or maybe it's one of the kids schools calling because one of the kids is sick and needs to be picked up just something like that and wanda doesnt want the others to hear so she tries to casually excuse herself but she's not a very good liar so now everybody is suspicious that she's hiding something.
Or the avengers start noticing that she's skipping hanging out with them a lot lately like tony invites the rest of the team out to eat or to watch a movie or whatever but wanda has to be back in jersey because it's her week with Billy and she needs to pick him up from the kaplans so she's just all like "oh I can't I have plans" and just leaves so now the rest of the team is just like what the heck is that about?
And this just keeps going on little moments like these adding up making the rest of the team aware she's keeping a secret but they don't know what it is until something happens where wanda gets caught like maybe nicky shows up because he missed wanda or maybe Billy gets sick or hurt and Rebecca shows up with him while panicking because she isn't sure what to do like if it's something she can get away with taking him to a normal hospital for or not or the avengers are really in a bind and wanda has to call in agatha or rio to help or maybe something happens where the twins end up exposing their powers so the avengers are tasked with finding them or there's some big battle where the twins show up to help and the avengers are confused as too who these random teenagers are or why wanda is being so protective and tearing into them about putting themselves in danger until one of them ends up accidentally calling wanda mom in earshot of the team
So I'm a big fan of the mcu I fell a bit behind and have been trying to get caught up on the new shows and movies recently I just binge watched wandavision and agatha all along and I came up with a funny au where the avengers are successful in defeating Thanos and everybody lives nobody dies so like Steve doesn't stay back to be with Peggy and him tony and nat and all the rest of the avengers are still kicking around and it's like all the typical the avengers are a found family fics except the events of wandavision and aaa still happen but wanda doesnt die in mom and lilia alice and mrs davis are still alive and now wanda is pulling a Clint hiding her secret family from the rest of the team. Like I'm picturing it's a few months to a few years after aaa and wanda is back in Westview trying to make amends with everybody she's got Tommy back and she basicly has split custody of Billy with the Kaplans she's learning magic from agatha and the rest of the coven and her and Billy are even able to resurrect nicky like everything's good the world's at peace and the avengers are still doing minor missions here and there but for the most part they are each happy doing their own thing until just like in aou the team needs to hide from the latest big bad and wanda decides to take them back to Westview and the rest of the avengers are just shocked to meet the twins and everybody else
#wagatha#wanda×agatha#wanda×agath×rio#wagathario#agathario#wandavision#mcu#fic ideas#the avengers#domestic avengers#agatha all along#marvel#marvel cinematic universe
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Holy blemishes
(Mel is my main D&D guy from @luposlipaphobya's campaign, Val Cardinal !)
#dungeons and dragons#queer art#traditional art#aasimar#trans art#scars#my art#val cardinal#some mélisande scars for you in this fine evening !! don't worry they all mysteriously healed#i don't even think he actually got all of them on his body at the same time... they healed beforehand#the star-shaped ones are the magic missiles that killed him#the long ones on his shoulder blades are his wings#and the criss-cross is actually a plan of the city that wasn't like... scarred into the skin as much as#pushed from underneath#so his party members could go find his corpse in a random alleyway :))) isn't that nice !!#anyway i can't resist some scars ahahah it'd been a while since i'd coloured some ! glad to feel like i've still got it ahah
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is this where u take the requests? if not, apologies lol still learning tumblr, I WAS WONDERING IF MY VARGAS RELATED REQUESTOBER REQUEST COULD BE JAKE/NNY? i feel like jake/nny is SO looked past like its actually so cute, they could be doing anything THANK U IF THIS WAS THE WRONG PLACE SORRY MWAH MWAH X
Day 12 - Once you had one hole in your skin, you've had 'em all
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Jake#Nny#*looks at your comment of NnyGaster being cursed* *looks at this* Well I mean at least you're consistent#Of all the crackships I haven't considered I possibly haven't considered this one the most#I mean considering I Just got into Nny/Scriabin lol#I have extreme Edgar/Scriabin blinders lol this is known#Is this a thing and I just don't know? I can't even snark I just - it Literally Never Occurred to me lol#Edgar got all the shipping charts and diagrams and graphs he's special that way <3#I love Jake dearly and don't want him to be hurt! Unlike the Vargases lol ♥ I love them dearly and Do want them be hurt#Precarious position anyone who gets paired up with Johnny haha#I suppose if Johnny's still in Sweet Mode that's one thing but!! the rest of him!!!#Their dynamic over something like piercings Is interesting tho - Jake hangs out with artsy types and Nny is definitely that lol#And Johnny's y'know - weird about stuff lol - I could see him getting into a pierced partner! No pun intended#And obviously Jake is very good on boundaries <3 He's not actually touching him here just gesturing at his ear#It also occurs to me that I can't think of a time I've seen Johnny with tattoos :0 Body modification+art! (+bodily weirdness)#Might be something there to look at sometime hmmm#Anyhow - continuing my trend of drawing Nny on the hood of the car over the cliff haha#I didn't think I had leveled up all that much from last year but comparing the two??? I'm Way more pleased with this one#Still struggling with the bottom of the shoe but better! Practicing!!!#Maybe there Is something to drawing just a bit bigger lol#Nny also looks significantly less anemic from not having died yet lol#Really pleased with the harder edges of the unlined shapes ♪ I used that grass brush on everything and it's dope#Do I like backgrounds???? First lining now this so much to consider
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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my parents want my little brother, who has had a fever no lower than 100 F for the past 2-3 days, to go to school tomorrow
#status update#i'm gonna try and tell them why that's stupid#they took him to the doctor but the doc just said he had a cold#well I'm concerned with how badly his body is fighting it off!!!#plus they didn't give him any medicine all day#i gave him some before I left for work and after I got home#his fever is still 102#i don't understand their thought process whatsoever#like yeah school is imoortant but so is#A: not spreading illness!!!!!!#B: actually being able to focus in class because you feel good and not like shit#he even said that he'll probably be sent home anyway BECAUSE HE'S SICK#the issue I think is mainly he doesn't have a lot of symptoms#he said his throat felt “gummy” which no one - not even himself - can make heads or tails of#his stomach hurts and he threw up pretty recently#and his vision dimmed a few times but my mom doesn't really believe that one#I tried looking up the symptoms but it just said “eat a turkey sandwich” so thanks for that google#I don't know#i'm just worried about him#and I think it's stupid my parents want him to go to school when even by their standards he has such a bad fever#by the standards bit I mean they consider 100 F to be “low grade” even though 104 is danger territory#and that's just a hop skip and a jump away#AND ALSO HE IS LITERALLY ON THE PRECIPICE OF THAT RIGHT NOW#AND THEY DIDNT GIVE HIM ANY TYLENOL#he was home all day what did they even do#they also didn't give him medicine yesterday until I got home from my ap test#OKAY I'm done ranting I'll be here all night if I keep it up
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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