#i don't even particularly like that show it's just. idk it got stuck in my head

[funkyness]

my spotify account when my school year started and the stress doesn't let me do anything except listen to a random ass song on repeat every 72 hours (then i choose another)

[separatedleoau]

One's favorite food and animal? Does he know...Lou Jitsu? (I don't know if I wrote it right)

Will your Usagi be Miyamoto or Yuichi?

Any recommendations of songs that you like?

What inspired you to create One?

How do you rate the level of idiocy that One can do?

Does he like flowers?

If One had to choose between his brothers who would it be?

Sorry for the questions...I love your Au!

Take care!

1) Favorite food is homemade shio ramen (made by Draxum), I don't think he's got a favorite animal? there is an animal/creature related thing that's gonna happen in the comic at some point but I don't wanna spoil that part, but is probably that one lmao

1.2) He does know Lou Jitsu! thought his knowledge of him comes from being a nexus champion, not a movie star. He likes Lou but he cant even admit that to even himself because there is a lot of hatred towards humans on his heart, he has a certain level of respect but thats pretty much it.

altough... he started doing martial arts because Draxum showed him a recording of Lou's fights on the nexus and he fell in love with the fighting style, immediately wanted to learn martial arts and be a ninja afterwards

also the golden marks on his mask reminds him of his yellow glasses and is the reason he likes that detail of his uniform so much, even when it was actually made to match Draxum

(old art jumpscare)

2) One's little rival is gonna be Usagi Yuichi

3) my music taste is very meh and I always forget what I like when asked about it and end up just saying Imagine Dragons lmao. but since we're talking slau give Oh No! by Marina a listen, it fits One so much and I'm doing an animatic with it

4) When I start an AU is pretty much because I suddenly have a scene stuck in my head and end up building everything around it (something something, plaged by visions) for SLAU and One it was One's introduction what got me to start this AU.

I was reading some separated aus on ao3 (dont ask which because I dont remmeber and haven't kept up with any of them since I started my own) and that image of One dropping in in the middle of the fight got stuck in my brain and I was shooked that no one thought of making that the introduction of any of the sep turtles, that mixed with there was one of those aus that was a separated leo that I felt like they weren't using "leo raised by draxum" at its full potential and it was frustraiting me so I just went "fine, I'll do it myself"

5) idk, it depends I guess? One is very smart and clever, he's highly skilled and succedes at pretty much everything (the being Number One has gotten into his head for a reason) but! he's also a dumb 14yo teenage boy

6) I don't think One is a flower guy, he likes plants and helps Draxum take care of the ones they got on a greenhouse, but I don't think he particularly likes any flower

7) right now? none of them<3

[lets-try-some-writing]

Ohhh, salty asks? I'll dabble with 9, 14, and 19.

Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Sari, Russel & his Dad, and Elita-One.

I haaaaaaate Sari so much. I don't even like TFA that much, but I would have enjoyed it more if this little girl weren't present. She annoys me on a spiritual level. She does have a few moments where I vibe with her, but the annoyance overrides the comradery. I know some people will die on her hill, but I am not one of them and even her fascinating lore can't drag me from my hole in the ground.

Russel and his Dad are just annoying and it's not even their fault. They were part of a garbage show that disregarded and danced on the grave of TFP before spitting on it for good measure. It isn't THEM that bothers me necessarily, it's their characterization that murders me. I just can't enjoy them or their presence when they are treated as jokes or just get in the way.

As for Elita-One? I am genuinly sad I don't like her. I generally enjoy her in fandom and I LOVE G1 Elita with every fiber of my being. I can even appreciate Skybound Elita a great deal. But other canon versions of Elita? It's just painful. She's NEVER written well. Generally being too arrogant and stuck up for her own good (TFOne), not particularly notable (TFE), lowkey evil and not in a way I find appealing (IDW comics), or not even Elita (TFA). I just can't vibe with her even though I really really really want to.

Unpopular opinions about your fandom(s)?

This fandom is unreasonably sexual. Look, I totally get it. You love your blorbo. I love my blorbos too and I know that sexual themes/art/ideas have their place. Heck, I use the concept for comedic and angst purposes all the bloody time. But for heavens sake yall, we've got SO MUCH LORE and half the fandom is sitting over here drooling. When I use such themes, I tie it in with either a good story or unique lore. But the fandom just kinda... throws it around for funsies? Idk it just bothers me as a person who cares very deeply about things having meaning and design. Feels a lot like chugging a pixie stick when there's a ton of such themes getting thrown around. I would much prefer a more delicately devised art piece, personally.

The robots are hot, I KNOW. But goodness we've got so much else to play with here people. (Not saying this to rain on anyone's parade. Just my thoughts).

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Well, I suppose what I hate most would be the strange unspoken division in the fandom. Transformers, thank the stars, is a very unified fandom on almost every front. You might never run into the people I'm about to talk about. But there is a noticeable divide between two rather undefined factions. For the sake of this, I shall dub them the lore purists and the rabid fans. The lore purists get SO mad at everyone who doesn't agree with their takes, those who mess with the lore, or otherwise have views that don't match with canon content. On the opposite side of things, the rabid fans can be kind of unhinged and not in a good way at times. They can become quite vicious when it comes to other people's headcanons and preferences. Both sides fight each other and amongst themselves.

It's not particularly noticeable to newcomers, but I've seen more than a few people trying to fight each other over the net for being sympathetic toward a certain character or for having ideas and aus with 'problematic' content. Even I've been on the receiving end of the unhinged a few times for having sympathy for my fav war criminal. With that said, honestly its easy to avoid getting involved in these two sides to the fandom. Just do your thing and be polite and huzzah, everyone is really really nice.

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

oh! you rebloged that ask list too! I got so caught up in answering my own inbox I forgot to send you numbers ^^;

let's see... how about 5, 9, 12, 28, annnnd 32 for Est (+ whoever else you want to talk about!) :3

asdfsd i didn't get around to any of it til now anyway haha; dw

5. how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

exceedingly practical! this is enabled by the fact that what she finds most comfortable just so happens to overlap with things that are good for adventuring. she loves a good heavy-duty pants and sturdy boots and heavy cloak setup. every once in awhile she'll be in the mood for something fancier; then she likes real flowy stuff that doesn't cling to her or get twisted weird when she tries to climb a tree or whatever because she forgot she wasn't wearing pants lol

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

ohhh idk what her favorites are. she's not really picky, and she'll try anything at least once- she almost got used to Viznak Swamp Stew even haha. can't go wrong with a good soup. she likes making pastries a lot more than eating them. she doesn't exactly have access to things like fruit gummies or sour patch kids or whatever, but she wouldn't be a fan of how they get stuck in her teeth. she likes some spice, but it's not her favorite seasoning. there are a couple recipes she got from the zhelruka that she's actually really fond of, but they often don't come out quite right for her (enough differences in ingredients mostly). she doesn't see the appeal of mushrooms; they're fine but why do they inspire such strong opinions in some people?

12. how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

oh wait is this. in world or out lol. in world she's somewhere between 750 and 800; i don't think i ever picked something more specific than that (and if i did i probably changed my mind three times afterwards). i may have picked a season for her birthday but?? i didn't write it down anywhere immediately accessible to me so [shrugs]. we'll say it's in the early summer this time. out of world she's a little more than five years old by now; i started writing her stuff in fall 2019 when i got to the end of the grey company arc and discovered my pc had grown a personality when i wasn't looking

as for est's opinions on birthdays... she enjoys it well enough, but mostly it's just another day. it's good for having another excuse to get some friends together and hang out, but other than that she's rather ambivalent on it (she Loved them when she was real little though lol)

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

est: feel free to talk about this thing you like for as long as you want :) of course i'll come with you; where are we going? do you want to learn a rune? please be safe. i'm right here, promise.

32. do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

oh yeah. i wouldn't say it's odd that she collects rocks the way she does, really, but her criteria do seem baffling to most people lol. she also tends to keep notes on things her friends like and talk about a lot. she wants them to be able to talk all they want, but she's afraid of forgetting stuff and not being able to actually hold a conversation about it. she's also a little bit of a packrat about sentimental things especially, which is why her runebag is always full of random junk

[aquaquadrant]

Hi there. I’m going insane and it’s your fault. Like I discovered your absolute emotional masterpiece of a fanfic the other day and it’s all I think about anymore I’m so obsessed; I downloaded tumblr bc of you and I don’t really know how this site works but I do know how to click the ask button so that’s your problem now. I got words for you

First off: HOLy the writing and the voices are so good??? Like the characters say things the way their irl counterparts would say it? How?? Teach me your ways? Actually tho what did you do to learn to do that, is it innate, do you practice?

Second: “He wouldn’t have known the sight of Tango’s pale skin flushing bright red all the way down his chest.” That sentence just kinda stuck out to me from the last chapter… for some reason... anyways (idk what my point is here but it sure has got me thinking thoughts :P )

Third: I said I was obsessed, and I think it was an understatement. I didn’t study for my chem final because of this (still got an A tho so dw) and I went to bed for three days straight thinking about it and I woke up every morning thinking about it. (It took a solid hour to snap myself out of it when I actually needed to get work done lol) And on the plane ride home for break I drew some things so I’ll just leave these here if you don’t mind (umm ignore the tango faces on the first page and his left hand on the second, there's something Wrong™ about them I gotta practice, ok?)

idk if the formatting is good or whatever but here they are

As you can see I love love love the scene after the nightmare. If I remember correctly, Tango started wearing the gloves to protect his claws so they could heal after he escaped, and then when Jimmy gets hurt he just instinctively gives them to him?? Hello, the symbolism??? Tango just surrenders his own protection, both physically, because he would rather protect Jimmy, but also emotionally bc it immediately reveals what he considers a flaw in himself, monstrous, hideous. And Jimmy sees him throw the walls up again, “He quickly shoves the gloves at Jimmy, moving to get up. “I’ll uh, I’ll get another pair tomorrow-”” but Jimmy won’t let him, instead looks at what could be considered Tango’s entire soul —his trauma, his Hels origin, the feral, blaze side of him, the side that lies and hides and lashes out at any who get too close, the “ugliest” parts of him —and loves him despite it? Even sees the beauty in him? Yea, no, I’m normal about that—

Anyways idk how long these things are supposed to be but I have a couple more thoughts so you’re still stuck with me. Ummm let’s see… I adore your impulse design. So I’m taking that, thanks. (If that’s ok) also was thinking about how Jimmy would wear shirts with the wings getting in the way (see bottom of 2nd pic), and then thought maybe that’s why he’s so good at embroidery or sewing in general, cuz he has to make custom clothes. And then I thought what if he made some *cough* outfits and had Tango judge them… or asked for help putting on/taking off a particularly difficult shirt... haven’t had time to draw that yet but ya know… one day. Aaaaand the blaze rods could theoretically make a pretty cool fire crown when Tango's angry, also blazes do damage when you touch them, but I don't think you get set on fire? So it must be the blaze rods themselves doing damage, so I imagine when Tango's fighting they swirl around him both to attack whoever gets too close and to block any incoming projectiles (see middle left of 1st pic). +gradients on the blaze rods :]

Last thing, I showed my sister the fic last night and she’s already read through it twice so you’ve infected two of us. We were theorizing on what’ll happen next chapter. We both think that the others will piece together, to some extent, Tango’s backstory before they figure out how to remove the collar, what with the cuffs he wears, the comments Atlas made about a farm, Atlas’s mentioning about using Jimmy that way for his feathers, etc etc. and the comment that Tango can hear everything? Yea, no, when that collar comes off he’s gonna be distraught, I’m wagering that everything immediately bursts into flames around him or something (cuz that’d be cool). I think he'll probably try to run away, too, but we'll see

Anyways, that’s not all my thoughts but this is getting pretty long, so maybe I’ll send another ask later if that’s alright. Have a good day! Post again soon! Please. Please I'm begging you. For my sanity plea-

(actually tho take ur time. quality is worth it, and this is nothing but quality)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg welcome. this was genuinely SUCH a lovely ask to read, but i wanna take the time to properly answer it so i’m gonna continue under the cut cause boy can i ramble

first off: HELLO, you got a tumblr bc of HTP?? incredible. i’m honored that this gay angsty little block man au was your introduction to the hellsite (affectionate). and don’t worry, i welcome asks no matter the length (tho i might not get to everything in a timely manner)

second of all: i’m SO happy you enjoyed my character voices. that’s definitely something that’s taken a bit of practice, especially for more understated characters that don’t have super obvious or unique vocal traits/vernaculars. i find it helpful to a) have spent a decent amount of time watching the source material and b) always go over my dialogue with the character’s voice in my mind, and see if it sounds like something they’d actually say. ofc, sometimes liberties can be taken based on the plot/setting of a fic but generally i spend a lot of time and effort on getting character voices right, so i appreciate the appreciation <3

thirdly: i like that particular sentence too ;0

fourth: THAT ART THO??? oh man. impulse looks amazing (i’ve always loved demon!impulse and gotta credit @lunarcrown for bringing that vision to life 💃) and the wings are SO well done, like you conveyed that leathery thin bat skin texture perfectly. the various tangos are SICK, i luuuuv seeing him in full blaze rage mode, using those blaze rods to their full effect. and those hands… goddamn. not only do i respect the hand anatomy but the ROSES… the shackles and their metallic texture… the gradient on tango’s claws… chef’s kiss 💋👌 and THANK YOUUU the post-nightmare scene was one of my favorites from that chapter, and you’ve summed it up beautifully.

moving on: as with all of lunar’s designs, she’s happy to inspire so BEHOLD, DEMON IMPULSE UPON YE (that’s a yes from both of us LOL) i love ur idea about jimmy making custom shirts to work around his wings, that’s one of those little details i never put much thought into but it fits so nicely with him being into embroidery. so jimmy def makes a lot of his own clothes (and occasionally some for tango), co-signed and approved. and ur on the right track about tango’s blaze rods- most of his defensive fire comes directly from them, doing that crazy swirly fireball thing that actual blaze do, but he does also have the ability to produce fire from his hands, he just doesn’t do it often. it takes a bit more concentration and practice, and he spent so long trying not to use his abilities that it doesn’t come second nature to him anymore. he was way more of a fire starter as a kid in hels.

last but not least: AWW it’s so sweet u got ur sister into the au (lord knows i’ve dragged mine into many a fandom 😂) glad y’all enjoyed it so much, AND now u have someone to theorize with 👀 i won’t say anything more on the matter other than i hope to get the next chapter out over the next couple weeks, so stay tuned…

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

OH ALSO, i didn't say this in my response to your response but i think what you said about "vi isn't super connected to zaun as a people" is super correct. i don't think vi feels like she really has a place within the system of zaun and piltover. we see her work against the system, outside of it, or even attempt to work WITH it at different points throughout the show. it doesn't seem to matter to her where she stands with respect to the powers that be so long at she's getting what she wants (very similar to vander). so it seems like the author of that other post wants vi to be something she just isn't, some kind of social justice warrior. but vi doesn't believe the system can be changed ("topside and bottom, oil and water, that's all there is") so she doesn't concern herself with it. she's focused on protecting the people she loves.

ironically, OP seems to be somewhat anti-caitlyn, but caitlyn is actually the one who wants to fix the system and believes it can be done. caitlyn is going to be the one to get vi to take part in solving the bigger problems, because she offers vi a new place to belong, not in piltover as part of the system but at caitlyn's side trying to bring the two halves of the city back together.

UGH YEAH!

It’s been said before, but it’s always the Anti-Caitlyns who seem to have closed their eyes and plugged their ears in every single scene with Vi (and of course Cait) in it. The CONSTANT projection is crazy. Again, personal biases making it hard to critically think for people.

Vi is NOT Vander and her beef with Silco is not super similar to the beef Vander had with Silco. Vi is here for the people she loves and the collateral damage and/or improvements is not what she’s concerned about.

Like you said, Vi isn’t as progressive as people think. She was stuck in prison for SEVEN YEARS, abused constantly and beaten down her entire life to keep her in her place. She’s accepted the different positions in society, she just wants Silco GONE and her sister BACK. Not for particularly political/societal reasons, but because her sister is who’s she’s dedicated to and tied her worth to. She wants to go back to before Vander and Claggor and Mylo died, maybe even to before her parents died. She’s never been one to look for a future, but for the past. That’s why her and Cait were rocky in the beginning. Progress was never an option with her. (Idk if this got my point across just yes to what you said already 😭)

Again, you’ve basically said everything, but I really want to amplify the fact that CAITLYN WANTS TO DO AND BE BETTER!!! THATS WHAT SHE WANTS!!! VI WAS THE ONE WHO SAID OIL AND WATER AND CAITLYN WAS THE ONE TO COUNTER IT!!! THEY ONLY EQUATED OIL AND WATER TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP FUTHER INTO THE CONVERSATION, IT WAS ABOUT TOPSIDE AND BOTTOM FIRST!!!!

LIKE UGHHHH!!!! I’ll never understand what people who are anti-Cait want from the story (not to accuse op of being anti-Cait but that’s the vibe from their posts, sorry if that’s isn’t your intention). I WANT Zaun and Piltover to get better, I WANT Piltover to acknowledge their actions and change, I WANT Zaun to finally be respected as a population of LIVING BEINGS!! THATS ALSO WHAT CAITLYN WANTS!!!! THAT WAS HER WHOLE ARC!!!!! Ok, let me calm down.

We want progress don’t we???? Caitlyn is how we’re really going to get it.

Anyway, you’ve literally covered it all. The only person we REALLY see dedicated to the community the way people say Vi is is Ekko. Not even Vander and Silco were truly dedicated to the Undercity as a whole the way he was. Vi hasn’t necessarily really made a statement in the Undercity, Ekko has! Ekko looks at the Undercity as a whole, Vi looks at her loved ones like we’ve stated.

Ummm… yeah that’s it I think. Got my blood pumping there, jeez.

[eddieydewr]

I'm not the anon who asked you about Millie but I wanted to add a comment... Millie said something about how she couldn't wait for ST to end because it was preventing her from working on other things and rumor has it people affiliated with the show were upset with her. I don't think this slashed her screen time. I don't think El is a main character the way the fandom makes her out to be. She isn't the focus of the show so I think this was always going to happen. But I think Millie said that because El wasn't the focus and she was forced to realize that by the time S5 came around and was annoyed about it.

I find it interesting that she is getting paid more than anyone else even though she is barely in next season. It makes me wonder if they paid her so that she wouldn't say more dumb shit in interviews when she is promoting the show. I get the impression she likes to be the star and the center of everything and never had a good grasp of what the show was about. Also from the little I have heard about her parents they seem to think she is the greatest actress of all time but she isn't actually better than anyone else in the cast. I think it messed with her head. She didn't make the show what it is. Millie just strikes me as someone who needs to be front and center and sounds kind of hard to get along with tbh. I don't get the impression she gets along with most of the cast either. She let the fans (particularly younger fans) convince her she was the lead when she wasn't and then got annoyed when the story started wrapping up and she wasn't in focus so she said a dumb thing. But I doubt the writers would be petty enough to cut her screen time because of it (she says a lot of questionable things in interviews that make me wonder how well she is following the show. And is also really rude to Finn a lot). Will was always the focus of the story regardless of what Millie does.

bestie. bestie,

i have to agree and disagree lol i get why people would feel that way about millie but idk if you’ve seen my previous asks about millie’s family but i tend to blame her parents. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little girl being confident and while i don’t know how she felt about everything she’s been through growing up, it’s obvious her parents inflated her… idk, i don’t want to say ego because i feel like that’s a weird thing to say about children in general? but it’s possible she thought she was important and the main focus of the show. — otoh, i don’t like how she started to feel small for talking ~too much~ during press bc she spoke the same amount as the boys. it’s giving misogyny. especially when sadie joined the cast and people are like omg why can’t millie be classy and demure like sadie… what 😭 i thought millie had great energy as a kid and while she’s definitely still extroverted like her bestie noah, she seems like she has to be composed… although she’s been coming out of her shell more since getting engaged. i hope that means she has more self agency and isn’t being controlled by her family, but at the same time, they’re always around her even nowadays. THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR. and it seems like millie is stuck with netflix for a while longer. idk much about the electric state but it’s supposed to have potential for a great adaption and to perform well at box office, but it’s being released on netflix?? all because daddy brown says so. fock that grifting loser.

i understand why millie is ready to move on from ST but i don’t think she meant it in a negative way, she’s just ready to grow up. she’s married now so it must be weird to be portraying a character who is 14-17, or however old el is supposed to be in s5. when people gave her shit for saying she doesn’t watch movies, i don’t exactly blame her. she was pretty much forced into the acting industry and yeah, she obviously enjoyed it for a while before reality caught up with her. i believe she’s fond of the show, if her 011 tattoo is anything to go by, but it must be a reminder that she only got famous because her dad is jobless and wanted to get rich quick after all his other schemes and business ventures flopped. he’s also the reason millie gets paid more than the rest of the kids. he’s such a scrub 😭

how is millie rude to finn btw?

thenks for sending this btw, i hope i’m not coming across as harsh or angry lmao idk why because i’m a very different person but i can relate to millie and feel angry on her behalf because her relatives are an absolute shower of cunts and idek if she’s aware of it … but i also get why some people find her off putting. as long as they don’t go too far fjfjsk cos she’s not that awful, surely.

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

[pocketgalaxies]

i feel like we're gonna need a whole long individual post from you where you sum up your thoughts and feelings of c3ep51...it's a doozy and i'm interested to hear what you have to say!!😵‍💫

okay. okayyy. i just finished the ep so i haven't had a lot of time to think about it yet but. initial reaction is that i'm feeling a little hm. bad! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

obviously i haven't been on tungle so idk if a lot of other ppl feel this way or if i'm in the minority but. a lot of the latter parts felt bad. like in my soul, i mean. i was simply not having as good of a time as i wanted to be having.

cue complaining! apologies in advance:

it was like. liliana being obstinate, even with appreciably high rolls from imogen. ludinus giving this stupid-ass speech that went on for ages about how his life is sooo so so so hard. sky ship was a complete and utter bust. beau and caleb were a complete and utter bust. keyleth was obviously a complete and utter bust and then some. fcg was just stuck in a goddamn automaton for half the thing. destroying power cores maybe caused the key to malfunction, we'll find out, but they certainly didn't feel particularly influential in the final climax. nobody in the party even had an opportunity to do anything during initiative with the backpack having an AC of fucking 25 (when bh is only level 8!!!). laudna and ashton weren't even there, which obviously couldn't have been predicted or controlled, but it didn't feel good

i can appreciate and understand the idea of having it be very clear that this effort was actually futile from the beginning, because ludinus is unbelievably powerful and otohan beat their asses already and this was a plan centuries in the making and the manpower was there and the group is low-level etc etc. maybe this was always meant to happen, maybe the rest of the campaign as matt planned hinges on the majority of ludinus' plan succeeding, which is FINE. but i don't think i was alone in thinking that there was a non-negligible amount of hope going into this ep that something amazing might happen, esp with beau caleb and keyleth all explicitly involved. and it was all, very very unceremoniously, crushed piece by piece and all ludinus had to do was raise a fuckin pinky. you know what i mean? it just felt too easy for him. after watching bells hells painstakingly plan and desperately recruit help for two straight eps, i just sat here and watched ludinus shit and spit on all of that within seconds? felt bad. i think if there was more of an encounter, more of a fighting chance, then it wouldn't have made me as a viewer feel stupid for thinking something might actually fuckin work

i think it could be argued that the otohan fight in bassuras was similar in its feeling of futility, but like. it wasn't??? bc they were fighting her, they were doing damage, they were using up her spells and her legendary actions/resistances, and there was decision-making involved esp on laura's part. there was good rp and there was tension and risky choices, and the players were driving the ship. here it was like every single thing they threw at it didn't even make it in the door. the whole thing was over in one round

speaking of one round, i really actually quite unironically hated the 5 full minutes during which matt rolled 200 damage or whatever against keyleth. obviously because i love her, but also because it was the quintessential moment in the ep of making me sit here and go "what is the fucking point." one of the most powerful people on the entire planet, down before she can even think to do anything about it. and then vax shows up in this triumphant moment of divine victory just to get totally fucked. BY IMOGEN'S MOM, NO LESS. and NEITHER of them got a turn in initiative. bc ludinus is sooo smart and sooo powerful and sooo wise and sooo evil. vom

so anyway. i don't think i'm nearly as mad as this post makes me sound, but i am definitely having trouble finding parts about the latter half of this ep that i particularly enjoyed, at least in hindsight. like in the moment vax's appearance was Amazing. Legendary. but the fact that all it did was play into ludinus' hand made it feel lowkey like shit. so idk!

sorry this post turned into me saying mean things. i was trying to keep an open mind during my liveblog but i was quite frustrated at certain points lmao idk i'll keep thinking on it and you'll prob see posts from me if i change my mind about things

[that-lazy-snail]

I have a lot of feelings about the Titan sub extravaganza and since tumblr is just shouting into a vaccume I think I'll share them below the cut if anyone wants to read lol.

1st: I knew they were dead the moment they said they were missing. Like Cameron said in interviews there's literally no way for them to completely lose contact without having no power AT ALL, and if you have no power in situations like that, your craft is gone and you're dead. It was genuinely the best thing that could have happened to them, coming up too fast as they were trying to do also probably would have killed them but in a much more horrible way, and granted you can survive bad cases of the bends (sometimes) but if you don't it's a really really horrible way to go. But also so is suffocating and hypothermia which was the case if they'd been stuck in there for days as the rescue team led you to believe is also a really horrible way to go. If I had to die catastrophically, honestly that's how I'd want to do it, you can't even feel pain or understand it.

2nd: I think it is sad, because I don't think people "deserve" to die, (particularly the 19 yo who most likely didn't want to be there/claimed he didn't want to be there) and they were probably afraid in their last moments because they heard the hull creaking and that's sad, but I also think it's ironic because you are taking a TOURISM trip to an EXTREMELY deep part of the ocean that is home to a MASS GRAVE. And they paid 250k to do it and weren't smart enough to check whether or not the sub they were in was a death trap (idk about you but I personally would be checking that 10 times over. I'm going into a highly highly pressurized space with no logical safety precautions? I'll pass). So they maybe kinda got what was coming to them, and eat the rich and all that, maybe don't voyer a mass grave.

3rd: I think the depth of the Titanic is the universes way of deterring people from going there, like we have museums that practically put you on the ship and give activities that simulate the sinking, you don't need to see the real thing. 100s of people died there tragically and suffered, let them rest. There is no good reason why civilians should be visiting the Titanic, not a single one, regardless of how much money you have.

4th: I was waiting 3 days for Cameron to comment on it, and I'm glad he did cause honestly I trust his expertise in this area maybe more than a single other person on the planet, and it's not cause I'm his fan, he's genuinely the most educated individual. I've had a passion/interest in ocean exploration since I was 11 so while I'm no expert, I do know that you can't make a sub out of carbon fiber and not die. I've also have been a fan of Cameron's exploration work in the challenger deep for over a decade by extension. I think it's funny that all these people didn't know that he was a director as his side hustle, because even tho I've been a fan of avatar since it came out (I was 9 at the time and didn't connect that it was him till I was like 16?), I always first and foremost knew him as the deepest human dive record holder for the Marianas trench. I'm glad to see the world is starting to share some of my respect for him as an academic 😂. Anyway, I'll always be kinda a Cameron fan probably more than most other white men, just cause clumbsy white man behavior aside he's a genuinely smart and well meaning individual, more than can be said for a lot of other multimillionaire directors...

5th: the media coverage of this was completely unnecessary and the rescue attempts were also unnecessary since everyone in the field knew they were dead, anyone with an engineering degree knew they were dead, anyone with common sense and the ability to do good research knew they were dead. The rescue was all for show and a waste of resources. I think it's horrrific what happened off the cost of Greece and I think the media SHOULD have covered that instead but I don't like hearing the comparison of "we should have sent our resources there" as there's a fairly large logistical difference between a submersible with a 3 day expiration date and a boat with a 30 minute one. That doesn't mean that there shouldn't have been more support/recovery efforts made for the immigrants, there SHOULD HAVE but it's not comparable in anything except media response and that it's in/on the ocean. I also think it's okay to care about both and the response to 5 billionaires dying at see can be joked about and made light of and sometimes that's good for the human condition, the death of people fleeing death and then tragically dying, cannot but it doesn't mean people don't/won't care, it just means they're not loud about it.

6th: and finally, I do think the Logitech controller is funny, and more seriously I think everyone's responses to this are valid, those people that are laughing at them, people who are upset, it's a hard thing to grapple with, at least it is for me

[sun-marie]

"People you'd like to know better"

tag game!

I was tagged by @jespardon! Thank you for the tag, words are not really coming to me today so I apologize if this seems kinda clunky 😅

three ships : 

Gale/Tav (BG3): I’m so sorry but this pairing has me in a vice grip 😭❤ The way it just feels so organic!! And it’s so wholesome!! Like watching Zephyr (my tav) and Gale fall in love in the first two acts is simultaneously adorable and heart wrenching, and then watching them stay together through everything in act 3 is just so *clenches fist* so good!! I feel like all I do is talk about them nowadays lol

Shepard/Kaidan (ME): I’ve been thinking a lot about Kaidan recently, and good lord I love his character so much. I’m learning that I’m a big fan of relationships with a breakup or some kind of separation in the middle, only to come back with twice the devotion (fenhawke is another good example). I wasn’t here when those games were coming out since I’ve only played the LE, so I have no idea how the fandom at large see him, but his relationship with Shepard is by far the best part of ME3 for me ❤

Felix/Annette (FE3H): The ultimate comfort ship for me ❤ I love how Annette brings out Felix’s softer side, and I love how smitten he is with her. Opposites attract pairings aren’t usually my cup of tea bc I feel like it’s too easy to write two people who are just incompatible, but these two really benefit from the five year timeskip and the chance to grow with each other (even if they’re physically apart). Idk if that makes any sense, but even despite the fact that it’s been a very long time since I’ve played 3H I still get all warm and fuzzy when I see art of them or read a really good fic about them.

last film :

So I found out recently that my mom had never watched Dreamworks’ “Prince of Egypt” (which was a lie bc she definitely showed it to me as a small child and just didn’t remember), so we sat down together for an afternoon and watched it. I had forgotten how good that movie is, even if some scenes hit particularly hard due to *gestures vaguely* everything. Still to this day my favorite depiction of Moses’s story <3

currently watching :

So not technically watching currently bc I finished it a few days ago, but “Blue Eye Samurai” on Netflix 👀 I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and at the same time I have no idea how to feel about it lol. I’m a weenie so the sex and violence was a bit much for me, but the setting and the story are so interesting, and the characters are SUPER interesting. It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen for a protagonist as hard as Mizu 💙 It almost got too much for me and I nearly dropped it, but then there was that scene with Fowler in the “church” and I was like "oh? Oh so this guy’s like evil evil? to the core? Fascinating 👀👀👀" And I stuck it out til the end! I’m glad I did, it was 100% worth it, even if I had to watch most of it through my fingers lmao.

currently reading :

I am not a huge reader, unfortunately 😅  But for my English class we just finished reading “Passing” by Nella Larsen, which I enjoyed! I don’t feel I have much to add about it, and even if I did I doubt there’d be a ton of value in the 72456456th white person throwing in their two cents on how people of color deal with the racial structure in America

currently consuming :

Baldur’s Gate 3

Coral Island

Way too much sugar (send help)(my tummy hurts)

currently craving :

Mass Effect 2

P*zza H*t thin crust Hamburger Pizza

Sopapilla Cheesecake (my main contribution to the Thanksgiving table, I'm so excited!!)

Tagging @full---ofstarlight @beyondthetower and @thefife01 ! No pressure at all tho if y'all don't feel like it 😊

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I asked in a poll recently when you thought Jim and Yam started dating, and the majority thought around season 3. I think so, too.

And after growing up with all of these dcla "su historia" videos (Leonetta su historia my beloved) I am... not gonna make a video for Jam because I am very lazy (but I hope to one day make a crack-like video with just moments from them, or just an SL "gay moments" in general). But what I am gonna do is a bit of a ~three part analysis~ where each part covers one season. Why? Because I feel like it.

Remember though, that this is my personal takes. I know very well there's other takes on the characters out there... and my takes may not always match with your takes. Especially if you're a canon Jim and Yam shipper - I am, as stated by the obvious, not. I will go from non-canon takes, which means I'll read in the scenes in the "subtext" and not particularly always how "canon meant it". This does not mean I am "not aware" how the scenes were "supposed" to be interpreted - I am just simply interpreting them the way that personally fits with my headcanons. But even if you're a Jam truther, some takes you still might not agree with, idk. Again, we all have different takes on the characters. I know I don't have to explain this, but just in case ;)

So, without further ado, it is time for part 1:

The Love Story of Jim and Yam

Part 1: Comphet, friendship songs and unknowing crushes

We start off in episode 2, where we are first introduced to the girls. They have seemingly spent much of their summer vacation together. Wakeboarding, surfing, done a lot of water activities in general for some reason (help did they go to Cielo Grande over the summer or?? /j). It's implied that they at least have spent a lot of time together, possibly been seeing each other almost every day. So even if they were close before, they have really gotten close now.

We find out that they have a sort of odd beef with Ramiro. Whatever went down with them before the show, we can only speculate. My own headcanon is that they got to know him in middle school - Ramiro himself always wanted to be cool and thought that he could impress the girls who were a year younger than him. They instead just got mad at him and found him annoying, which only encouraged him to continue. When he graduated from middle school, they felt relief, they weren't gonna see him again. But then they started Blake and, oops, he's a student there too! And then they went to check out Jam and Roller - oopsie, he's there too! He's everywhere, they can't escape him! So, well, they started this unwritten competition against him to always be better, and Ramiro enjoyed the heck out of it.

Now, the girls have always heard that "love always starts with bickering" and people have joked that "oh, but you must actually love Ramiro, I bet you even have crushes on him", "no, I think he likes you, that's why he's acting like that" - you know, stuff people often say when a boy and a girl are arguing. Hearing people say that, it took a toll especially on Yam. She did not want to even hear that Ramiro could possibly like her. The thought made her very uncomfortable and made her have a harsher approach if he even hinted at liking her.

That is not the look of "omg he likes me? <3" it's the look of "please don't say you're in love with me, stop being that preferably yesterday". She has always been quite honest with her feelings, saying what she thinks even if it sounds a bit harsh, and she wants to make it as clear as possible to Ramiro that she does not like him like that.

Yam has always known that she is a lesbian, or have at the very least discovered it quite recently about herself. But at this point in the show, it's not that she refuses to acknowledge it, it's more that she is stuck in the heteronormative society that is Disney Channel Writing her group of friends. This also makes her doubt herself at times - "what if i'm not a lesbian and just fooling myself?" - which is something we'll get into. One thing she does feel though, is that Jim is a lesbian too. Yam has, in my headcanon and opinion, the best gaydar out of everyone. She knows that a lot of her friends aren't straight, but they have not come to terms with it yet. She also can figure out if someone is not queer. A joking example I did was this. She can't say it to them, they have to discover it on their own, but she is happy to help them on the way. Especially help Jim on the way.

As we've established, Yam does not just see Jim as her best friend, but she's also very much in love with her. But I don't think she just knows it right away, as you might expect her to. She just... gradually gets there. I do think that during the summer vacation before the show, a small crush started to sparkle inside of her, but she did not think as much about it at the time. Then, as the school year started, she started realizing it more and more.

The first hint of this I would say when Yam found out Jim was skating with Nico. She acted like Jim had gone behind her back and she appeared quite... jealous over it. I cannot interpret this in any other way than Yam wanting to skate with Jim herself. I don't know if it was a rule they had to skate boy-girl in that competition, but I did watch those eps not TOO long ago, and I really do not recall that was a rule. If it was... I am sorry that I will get the info all wrong now. But nonetheless, the way she acts just feels like the most logical explanation would be that she wanted to skate with Jim herself.

The way she instantly gets jealous when Jim expresses interest in Nico or Ramiro (especially Ramiro). Of course, this is also a mix of her not understanding what people see in the "annoying boy Ramiro", and her just wanting Jim to realize she's a lesbian without telling her she's a lesbian directly... but I also think Yam wants Jim to think of her like that.

But, Yam also just wants the best for Jim. So, after a while, she decides to help her out on these boy adventures, no matter how silly she thinks they are. She sees it as a bit of an experiment - even if she's fairly sure she's a lesbian, with all of the heteronormative shit around her, she's at times doubting. Also, "she's never been with a boy so maybe try it out?" (we'll get more of this later). But the flirting ways are very much not from experience but rather what Yam (and Jim) thinks boys like. And they are very picky with them too. Hmm...

Off topic but Yam said this in a scene while they were discussing romance while wiggling her eyebrows after every other word. I just needed to say this because I don't know where to put it otherwise.

I think when Yam fully realizes her crush on Jim is here:

She got so excited over Jim she hugged Ramiro. And this part after really makes me convinced she just realized her feelings.

"Oh, wait... okay... let's deal with this later."

Yam continues to also be quite uncomfortable when boys are romantic towards her during the season. To not waste too many pics due to tumblr's picture limit, here is another moment of her gay panicking. Also this moment. If she didn't like boys before she certainly does not now.

Now, Jim... sweet Jim. Jimmygirl is in a deep field of comphet. She just has not come to the terms that she even could be a lesbian - she just knows that she wants a relationship. She wants to feel "normal". The only thing is that she sort of... is picking boys to be in love with instead of actually being in love with them.

This full scene is essentially a case of Yam trying to make sense of Jim's comphet behavior btw. Anyway - Jim here thinks Yam should be in love with someone, so "why not just pick Nico?", as if, you know, you can just pick whoever you like.

Also... just this little part here:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Anyway, Jim's comphet really shines through with Nico. You could think it's just a "young girl crushing on an older boy and being nervous about it", but... to me, there's something more. Especially when Jim, immediately after she officially starts dating Nico, says this:

The show never really explicitly says what this weird feeling means. But considering events in S2, which I'll get to when we come there, I'd say this is the first step of Jim realizing that dating men is just not really her thing... though, she has a long way to go. Right now, she's still in the moment of wanting a boyfriend, liking the idea of a boyfriend, so she still does things that would get his attention (like having a fake boyfriend at Ámbar's party, etc)

Also, Jim is just as obsessed with Yam as Yam is of her. One example of this is when Yam was mad at her ONE (1) time.

It's literally to the point where she won't move until Yam talks to her. She cannot handle Yam being mad at her.

And do we even have to discuss what Yam did when Jim was mad at her? That is one scene I know we have discussed a LOT. Girl was serenading her a LOVE SONG. Also, Yam's face when Tamara gal pals them is hilarious.

The girls, besides being obessed with each other, are absolutely in love with Felicity. Especially Jim. Like, Jim is... she just needs to hear Felicity's name and she comes dashing like a bullet. Also, this is her face when she saw Felicity perform:

Same, Ramiro.

Speaking of Ramiro! How is Yamiro going in to all of this? "If Yam is such a lesbian, why does she date Ramiro?" You could actually argue that the girls may be bi/pan. I have a lot of characters I headcanon as bi/pan, but Yam is not one of them for me.

As mentioned, the comphet around her makes her, too, fall victim of it. And she has been hearing for so long that "but Ramiro likes you", "Come on, admit you do like him a little!", "Just give him a chance, ok?". And Yam has fought and fought all season, and eventually... she feels, alright, let's get over my stubbornness... and she realized Ramiro is actually an ok guy when he wants to be. And people more or less push her to pursue a relationship with him. However... as soon as they start dating, she argues with him constantly. There is not a single scene I recall where they didn't bicker about something during their S1 dating period. Yam, like Jim, feels like something is off, but she feels it much stronger. She realizes, what she wants is just to be friends with Ramiro, not more. She doesn't like him that way. She doesn't like boys that way - who is she fooling? And it's almost like she waits for an opportunity to break up with him, which comes at the end of the season when he and Jim is about to leave Jam and Roller. When they come back, Yam is SO happy for Jim and forgives her immediately.

But with Ramiro...

Ramiro is confused and he wonders why they can't be back together. And in that scene, it really feels like Yam is trying to come out to him and he just does not get it. It's a long scene, so I just link it here.

Yam is just very unsure about dating Ramiro. If you're wondering why she went back to him at the end of season 2? Well, I'll talk about that when I get there, but it's a bit of a relapse and kind of, again, people pushing her towards him (I just gotta say, people do argue a lot about who pushed who to date who, but I personally feel like Yam got pushed a lot to date Ramiro. Which is something that will play into her behavior towards him in season 3).

Another thing - Jim and Yam really look up to Mora. We're much in agreement that Mora is a lesbian and dating Ana, that's just a fact. I think that she was someone Yam especially felt a kind of a kinship with. Mora understood her, she helped her with her designs, she was an adult who just got her. Mora was kind of a gay mentor for her. For both of the girls. She also made them realize that you don't have to live with a man and get children in a normative life. There's other ways to live your life. I think she was what they needed, much more than just a designer to look up to.

So where does Jim and Yam at the end of the season? Well, their final scene together is this one, where they sneak off behind the lockers. They more or less summarize their whole plot this season with this:

They leave the season as they started - as very close besties. But, after the events that occured, and discoveries that they made about themselves, they might be more.

During the upcoming year in season 2, they have yet to start dating, but this time they are more aware about their feelings for each other. Of course, there is a million things more to say about season 1. With 80 episodes, there is neverending content and we'd be here practically all day and night. So for now, I'll end this.

Stay tuned for part 2!

Edit: Part 2 here

[sanstropfremir]

ok, so here's my miscellaneous music show stages post! idk what to even call it in terms of an 'official' title or whatever, but who cares. a lot of my fave stages already ended up in the fave stylings posts or i've talked about them in some other capacity, so this is just for outliers and ones that have stuck in my mind over the last year!

+

set design

test me - xdinary heroes, music core 220723 // the concept of the test me cb was an underground battle of the bands type thing, and i loved the set design of this specific stage because it's so subtle and builts directly out of the existing stage intrastructure. also the yellow jumpsuits are cute, so sue me.

invu - taeyeon, inkigayo 220220 // honestly, i'm just obsessed with the choice to use the led floor panels to to simulate a pool, ringed with the surrounding greenery. the rest of the designs is great but lighting effects are always gonna get me

voyager - kihyun, music core 220319 // i LOVE this ship, it's a great way to work the band into the stage with different levels all in association with the theme.

+

styling

feeling - kim wansun, music core 220108 // the only pants to every exist in the history of ever

wooah hip - mamadol, mcountdown 220127 // my villain origin story is that mamadol was a temporary project group. give us kahi back!!!!

chase - minho, mcountdown 221229 // people have slept on minho's solo which i expected, but honestly i really enjoyed it and i like how he very clearly showed that he had clear ideas that he wanted to explore than aligned with his own interests. the styling overall was not particularly notable bc it's a very naturalistic theme, but this patent leather trenchcoat really is something that only minho could pull off

what if love - up10tion, music bank 221014 // what is even happening with these outfits. i'm obsessed with xiao's shirt.

chronograph - victon, inkigayo 220130 // just looking at any pictures of hanse from any two victon eras should be enough to convince you that gender isn't real.

undercover - craxy, music bank 220819 // fun af fake chain props for the choreo, very theatrical!

focus - ha sungwoon, mcountdown 220825 // he only did one stage bc this was right before he enlisted, but did he need to bedazzle his cleavage like that? did you sungwoon??????? also this choreo is so fucking fast like holy shit you really did the damn thing even though you did not need to

me = naneun - just b, show champion 221130 // if anyone wants to fill me on on what fuck bain is wearing i'd gladly take any info. train conductor chic is all i got

dance with god - craxy, mcountdown 220224 // i can guarantee that on any given day those gold fringed pants will pop into my head at any random time

tomboy - wei, show champion 220608 // no comment

boom - minhyuk, mcountdown 220630 // no comment, but louder. again, another cb that almost made my top stylings list, but i can't keep rewarding him like this. any one of these stages gives me brain damage.

louder - tan, inkigayo 220626 // could not tell you what is going on here. a.c.e's stylist seems to be periodically working with tan and so their styling ranges from fine to excellent to batshit insane on any given day and every single louder stage is a hit. honestly all of their cbs almost made my top stylings list just for the sheer insanity of them.

alone - highlight, music core 221112, YOSEOB PUT THOSE AWAY I SWEAR TO FUCKING GODDDDDDDDD. dongwoon don't think i didn't notice you also but we're not gonna talk about it. also yoseob's collar for this stage i'm gonna be sick who allowed them do this.

+

staging and/or other

this GORGEOUS staging of kim jaehwan's back then, it's one of the few times that i've seen in the round used properly in a kpop context and maybe the only time i've seen it on a music show? also great set design and it looks so good with his pinwheel lightsticks.

tbh i just picked a random ascension stage for this, bc the sheer amount of production value they put into everything they do deserves being viewed even if they didn't make any of my other lists. prop kings, literally.

dkz's mcountdown special stage of lupin, because she's a queen and she deserves the love

plus a couple of not specifically music show performances, but they they are music program performances. mostly this is here for me to pimp kbs listen up bc NOBODY watched it except me and nana and it literally had some of the best stages of the year:

kihyun's solo performance of someone's someone on k-909, bc it's soooooo cute. honestly ppl watch k-909 too they put so much production value into everything

dkz on listen up performing a remake of in the rain, featuring kyoungyoon doing a standing backflip for no reason??

seungsik, subin, and sejun (victon) on listen up having a ball and also flipping a couch over

woohyun on listen up being sluttier than he should be allowed to be

ren on listen up god i miss nu'est so BAD

ghost9 on listen up absolutely WRECKING the hundred millionth kpop song named monster

swan absolutely wrecking on listen up stan purple kiss i stg

+

that's a wrap on 2022 posts! now i'm gonna get cracking on all my backed up asks 😭

[finsterhund]

I made my roommate watch Skinamarink last night and he didn't get it lol. He is the type to repeatedly ask questions during a movie often right before the movie explains the thing though so I guess that tracks.

I obviously agree with him about things like the pacing and how difficult it is to see things and how the sound mixing and inconsistent subtitles impair understanding and it holds on set pieces for too long. Like I've said before my obsession is rooted in how it made me think and feel and the kinship I had and the potentials it brought to the table. It's not something you really watch as fun entertainment lmfao

But he just couldn't understand how the kids reacted the way they did and that particularly got stuck in my brain.

We got into the discussion of how at that age his (very much unhealthy) birth mother was protective to the extreme and literally would not let him leave her side ever. I also don't think he was experiencing repeat physical abuse. Which of course contrasts starkly with how my mom would leave me alone for hours on end (or rather hours on end alone with my drug addict violent birth father.) So like I'm able to understand the kids being able to "autopilot" a bit despite being that young (knowing how to get cereal and juice and going about circadian rhythms and basic routines) and how they prioritize hiding and being quiet over breaking down and trying to call for help. But he can't. He was like "I wouldn't be that calm I'd be freaking out" while even at that age I knew there sometimes could be extreme consequences to small actions and it was normalized to just go along with things.

Which makes a ton of sense. Under normal circumstances young children should know they can rely on their parents. So their first instinct is to call out. To cry. Baby hominids are so helpless that's pretty much all super young humans can do is call upon an adult. Lumpy fleshy things with giant soft skulls, can barely walk, no teeth or claws. The skills at their disposal are eye contact, hold on tight with strong little grasping hand, and scream. And especially to children with overprotective parents the concept of being completely alone and without help is foreign and horrible and obviously the best solution is to cry out louder and louder until an adult arrives to fix everything. Because they have to come. That's a constant in life, isn't it? When have they not come? And they're never going to hurt you just for wanting help, right?

But for someone like me that was not the way it works. Early on I did though. In the time period shortly after mom took me back from my grandparents (so I was still used to being in their care) she'd intentionally ignore me while I called and as a result I tried over and over gradually louder. I'm on the spectrum by the way, and a trait I see thrown around about earliest signs of autism is that super young children tend to vocalize less and don't develop strong attachment so thay may show it was even more dire. Idk

This was also before my heart surgery so I was experiencing cyanosis and this may have hurt(? Truth be told the one thing I can't remember pretty much at all is the extent of how much it hurt to just exist. My memories don't really record "background pain" I can't even look back on something from a year ago and remember the "default" pain even though I know full well I was suffering from my chronic pain at the time. So idk)

Eventually of course I would learn to give up. With time she would had settled into her new job and was gone for hours on end at night. Essentially my birth father would largely stay in one room and be practically vegetative but really sensitive to light and sound (morphine I think) and it was advantageous to never give him reason to remember you're in the same house. Do not draw his attention and do not under any circumstances give him any "reason" to hurt you. That period of my life is in memories very vague and sparse and repressed and cloudy but what I do remember feels almost exactly like this movie. Lonely, having to make ones own entertainment and relying a lot on VHS tapes and cassettes and toys. All the while hoping the time bomb in the living room stays asleep in the lazy boy. There is constant fear and doom looming over your head. You feel that you are both being watched and over-percieced yet are isolated and abandoned and forgotten. Despite how distressing it is it's also very understimulating and very very boring.

I think this is essentially the vibe that the movie wanted to pull off with the two kids and the entity. That they by instinct knew to basically try to "grey rock" by not calling out or making attention of themselves. Even outright the entity admits that it "punished" the elder of the two for "not listening" and continuing to ask for her parents back.

Maybe it's reflective of how they may have been neglected or often left alone even before the entity showed up so they were used to the situation at first and it was a manner of boiling the frog(?) It's pretty directly implied the mom is out of the picture and it's only the dad by himself shown as being unable to prevent an accident because it happens to the kid in the one time he's preoccupied (although I think it's also implied the entity was responsible for Kevin "falling" down the stairs. Oh god that's another thing isn't it... again, I relate to this movie for a reason)

This pulls me down the line of thought about theoretically how quickly our "planet-wide dominant species of great ape that put all its evolution points into the hyper-socialized pack animal niche" infant can revert to "prey animal left alone in tall grass and its most characteristic attribute is for camouflage" infant when abandoned in a dangerous situation. Additionally makes me think about how there's a certain sound that fortunately very few people will ever have to hear that's specifically the vocalizations young children allegedly produce when experiencing severe life threatening things. A sound that is allegedly very difficult to differentiate from the death screams that rabbits make. A prey animal that for pretty much any other situation evolved to stay as silent as possible.

The child actors are very good at sounding distressed in this movie and there's some pretty upsetting moments but they never come close to that severity of distress. There's talented kid actors who's cries and screams of pain I've seen in movies that do sound genuine but I don't think this extreme is something that's even possible to ever be replicated in acting. I can't even say if I've ever heard/felt it despite my past. It's likely something that most would repress regardless.

The point being is that the way trauma works is that deep down past all the hopes and dreams and hobbies and interests a human is still an animal with the main goal of survival and keeping itself safe with instincts honed over millions of years for this purpose. And in order to ensure survival there is a ton of unconscious/involuntary things that this deep part of your brain will call upon as a last resort. It is often jarring and seen as a loss of childhood when a kid is driven to these extremes to survive. Things that are universally understood as the way children are and how they act and present themselves will cease to exist at this time. You have to adapt or you die. If you're unable to protect yourself and take care of yourself you die. And it's fucked up especially for us because of how noticable it is. Again, we evolved for hyper-specialized communication skills and family units. Baby braincases are so big that they can just barely be delivered at the time of birth. A child is seen as helpless and vulnerable and dependant on family so the fact that in serious situations they can be forced to essentially "devolve" into being more feral, less human, as a survival mechanism can be deeply distressing and emotionally damaging to acknowledge.

Maybe even in-universe humans had instincts to try and avoid predation by whatever the entity was and that's why the kids behaved that way. I would love a horror movie that really goes into exploring the concept of humans still having significant vestigial instincts and adaptations to avoid predation by a lost/extinct/supernatural creature or being that we long ago forgot about consciously.

This is probably one of the reasons I'm so drawn to this movie despite not liking this style of film, camera, pacing, etc. very much. It's so relatable to how I lived at those ages, the experiences I lived and what was a major part of my young existence. And then it makes a child-torturing interdimensional monster the cause of it all. Something otherworldly and new and under-researched. Alien. But intrinsically tied to how our species can think and feel. Literally so much for me to chew on here.

Hmmm speaking of, I wonder if there's for instance say... a video game... that does that sorta thing but about childhood fears and has a nyctophobia darkness entity that's trying to get its hands on the child protagonist who's afraid of the dark, a protagonist that is an extremely relatable character to me that I may absorb into my own personhood and identity as a means of coping with my own childhood trauma... Maybe the target demographic is children so it's not got a depressing outcome and has an easier to follow story. I bet I'd be fucking obsessed with this very hypothetical video game that totally isn't something that does in fact very much exist... 🤔

Aaaanyways, back on the subject of how there's different forms of child abuse/neglect growing up and how the themes in Skinamarink aren't necessarily going to be relatable to everyone out there with childhood trauma.

I see people on both camps in regards to public view of Skinamarink doing the (quite frankly unacceptable behavior. Stop it) thing where they either say "anyone who finds this movie scary obviously didn't really experience trauma growing up" or "the people who don't find this movie scary don't know what it's like to have childhood trauma"

Which (once you get past the fact that we really shouldn't be doing that to other trauma survivors. Please stop.) I think shows that a thing that may impact one's ability to empathize with the scenario in this movie being upsetting is tied not just to understanding what childhood trauma feels like but also a specific form of neglect abuse. The viewer's attachment style probably factors into it as well.

Also an obligatory preemptive response to the people who are going all "it's not about child abuse!!! Stop talking about child abuse. It's just a demon! Not that deep" I am aware that in its most literal interpretation that it's literally just an entity. It's just that the way it's presented the entity is also really good at serving as a metaphorical zeitgeist of childhood neglect my dude. It is literally a monster yeah, but shit doesn't exist in a vacuum and people draw on real world experiences and fears to make supernatural concepts click in people's brains. That's one of the pillars of horror. It's pretty much if childhood neglect was a monster. The themes the movie literally uses to produce the atmosphere are "being left alone to fend for one's self" as a toddler and "time blurring together."

I dunno. I guess that Skinamarink falls into the category of "borderline-pretentious boring art house film or something" so that's why there's so many varying qualities of "takes" surrounding it but sometimes things can really annoy me lmfao.

The people who gatekeep childhood trauma when talking about how other people feel about the movie is especially bothersome to me though. Because there's multiple forms of child abuse and neglect, all of which can cause lasting trauma and other psychological effects, and different people can have varying memories and triggers about it. And there are a lot of kids out there I'd imagine who were left by themselves and suffered neglect in a way that feels like the movie does. I know it's not just me because multiple people have mentioned this.

Watching the movie by myself again this time having found and downloaded what I think are the official closed captioning. With the captions it is a lot easier to follow the movie and tell what's going on. I can actually see that the movie does have a followable plot. And you could argue a three act structure as well if you stretch. So I take it back about how the movie didn't have a plot. Still think it would have benefited from being closer to traditional storytelling though. I appreciate how I'm picking up on blink and you miss it things on pretty much every rewatch and it can be interpreted into having deeper themes but I know a lot of people prefer something that's easy to follow, concise enough for one casual viewing, and has more entertainment factor. I'm in that camp too despite appreciating what it did do.

Also figured I would include it in this post. I have context as to why the movie went viral as "the scariest thing even, movie that is cursed and evil and haunted" reputation film and then disappointed a lot of people who went into it hyper out of their minds. This reputation stems from when it was stolen and uploaded without any context. So it randomly appeared online with no explanation and then people on the internet found this mysterious thing and it spread to the pretty much exclusively zoomers-with-unresolved-mental-issues TikTok community. With that context it may have felt like an ARG or something that wasn't meant to be found that should have had additional context that was missing. A creepypasta but the spooky lost media was actually real. Back when I was more impressionable being introduced to it that way would have fucked with me too.

God look at me rambling about stupid cartoon rabbit YTP entity movie. Fuck man. This thing has a stranglehold on my brain.

[liquorisce]

Haha i wanted to share about emh. I personally have a hard time believing in it or eren being in any relationship/having any child in canonverse despite his personal desires, but i have sometimes hc’d“what if eren got historia pregnant, mikasa found out and she ran away and did her own journey” type of story. & ends up finding someone else. She still loves Eren but the context of that love changes b/c she feels betrayed & sad but grows apart and forms her own fam, & sees E again yrs later. But+

+where I get stuck is how Eren might respond to Mikasa in that situation after she runs off and disappears without saying anything and no closure. I also have a hard time envisioning her and Hisu’s relationship after she finds out the once-supportive Hisu got pregnant by her crush behind her back 😭 Like I think Mikasa would be cordial but idk that’s where i get stuck in my hc. Like Mikasa would forgive since she had her own fam but maybe it’s be awkward? Idk, angsty love triangles are hard!!!

(Last part) but the last part of my hc (after figuring out the response to themall reunifying again) Erehisu’s kid and Mikasa’s kid playing with each other and seeing them interact happily (as well as eren still seeing mikasa has her scarf) brings some sort of closure to Eremika’s friendship and acceptance that they weren’t meant to be but that it didn’t make life bad, like it was cruel but there was beauty to it (the new life they created apart)

-- NGHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH IT IS EXACTLY MY KINDA JAM!

what would make this particularly heartbreaking is, if eren realized his true feelings for mikasa shortly after she left. his whole thing with hisu was just,,, a fling, a teenage relationship forced to tighten at the noose by their own carelessness. historia sees it too; eren gets depressed shortly after mikasa leaves, and as much as he tries to fight it, as much as he tries to show up for her and take her to doctor appointments or buy her medicine for cramps, sometimes he drifts off somewhere else, a place that is inaccessible to her.

at first it hurts, to think that the father of your child would much rather be anywhere else than by your side is a painful pill to swallow. but eren and historia have an easy relationship, they always have. not too difficult and not too deep, so it doesn't matter if eren's heart belongs to another, he never promised her it belonged to her, after all.

as the years grow, their relationship becomes one of friends, co-parents and even though they don't discuss it too much, historia dates other people. she doesn't have to discuss it because eren is fine with it. they love their child and perhaps even each other but eren knows what it's like to be *in love*, what it's like to feel that aching tug on your heart every single day, feeling like you might just die if you don't see your lover's face.

for eren, it was always mikasa, and that was never historia's fault.

when mikasa comes back, he is filled with a different kind of ache. and this one even more tortuous and addictive. because he can see her again, every day at the park where he takes his little girl to play. but this time with a child of her own, a beautiful baby girl who looked just like her mama. and perhaps the final twist knife is this: the man who comes to pick them up from the park every evening, seven-thirty sharp, dress pants and a formal shirt and one of those ridiculously shiny office shoes. he kisses mikasa on the cheek when he greets her. her child waddles up to him and fusses to be picked up. she looks up at him with a smile.

eren wonders if mikasa ever smiled at him like that. perhaps not. and now she never will.

[fabdante]

CRIMINAL that we never got a sparring match between the reboot twins before Mundus was defeated (or before the Order was attacked). Like, it could've showed so much! About the twins' dynamic, about their different fighting styles (and maybe even how they've learned them! Let the twins banter, damn it!), about where they are personally in their relationship(s), about what different weapons they use or are willing to improvise with, just! So much! And, of course, it could be made into a heartbreaking call back/foreshadowing for their final fight at the end of the game, after they defeat Mundus.

But instead, nothing.

I feel like the twins' relationship gets skipped over a lot, in the reboot, tbh. Like, it's mainly because everything feels so rushed- how long does it take Dante to do all of this? How long is he actually a part of the Order FOR? We don't know. But if it's longer than like. A few days. It'd be nice if they used that time to flesh out the characters more. The Order members, too, and maybe show Vergil and Kat's relationship more, but also: give the twins more time to bond and develope, damn it.

I would have loved all of that!!

It's honestly a big thing with me and my reboot fics because I really wish we got to see more of the day to day and character interactions. I think a large reason why we didn't is the fact every single Devil May Cry game is only 20 missions, so the reboot also had to be 20 missions. A lot of their earlier plans for the game seem to imply a desire for it to be longer and I really think it would have benefited from this story wise but, unfortunately, it stuck to the Devil May Cry status quo.

In my headcanons and Swan Song canon I took a lot of liberties and expanded the events of the game over like...I think it was three months time? And I expanded the like Kat and Vergil relationship over the span of 5ish years (this is why Swan Song has been such a mess to complete, the current/prior unfinished draft only got to about year four of these events). These just felt like better, more realistic time tables to me then what the game implies.

Honestly, I'd have loved to see more about the Order, what it was like there, more Kat and Vergil interactions so we could really delve into this crucial relationship that is so important for the game, more Dante trying to get used to this new environment and find his place in it and get to know all these new people and so on and so forth.

And I would have LOVED a sparring scene.

Me and my girlfriend on and off over the years have talked a lot about Dante and Vergil and how they fight, and how they could have gotten this way combat style wise, and it'd be really interesting to see them discuss that. Particularly because I feel like reboot Dante and Vergil have fairly distinct and fairly opposed schools of combat going on. Like Vergil very clearly is very trained in what is proper and how to do that but has little field training. Where as Dante clearly is all improv, all things learned on the fly, all things he's decided works best at any given moment. It's very...idk if you are familiar with Samurai Champloo (my beloved) but it reminds me a lot of the Jin and Mugen dichotomy where Jin is classically trained in his specific combat style and a master in it and Mugens...well...it's very apt for a show whos name translates roughly to samurai stir fry which comes from practicality rather then any sort of formal rule system or school of thought. It'd be fun to see them talk about it.

TLDR: I really wish we had more time with these characters in the game to flesh them and the world out. Alas, there will always be fan works and meta's